FATHER TRAIT ANGER

it lingers for your whole life, Katie Maria | Emma Parker | Aaron Smith, Ruined | veniennes | Rupi Kaur | Patricia M | Halsey | Unknown | “Cut,” by Catherine Lacey

the fact is, i don't believe john abused his sons in the way most people think. maybe he spanked them a little as a kid, but i dont think he whipped them or really beat them, i don't think he sexually abused them, i think his biggest crime was child neglect inherent to the kind of nomadic and revenge-focused life he led after mary died. that IS a form of child abuse, especially fostering emotional incest and codependency, but he wasn't bad because he was abusive in the more tangible way people think.

HOWEVER. supernatural uses possession of the winchester family, especially john in "devil's trap," to bring out sexual undertones between john and his sons, especially dean (i'm looping in sam, too, though, because if you don't believe there's anything sexual between azazel and sam in "devil's trap," you're lying to yourself). this isn't to prove that john was sexually abusive, but it instead brings dean's flustered emotional state and pseudo-sexual worship of his father to the forefront, as well as inversely, bringing out sam's desire to escape, instead of dean's desire to please. yellow-eyes knows how to prey on each of them using john's meatsuit in very personalized ways. but the highlight is again more of a freudian approach to child-parent desire, not a abusive parent-child one. on the other hand, it exacerbates the child abuse john did inflict on his sons by neglecting them, here, a sexual metaphor for that. that's the reason why they're even in this situation in the first place.

When this is all over, walk away, and never look back. You have no other choice. There's a big difference between dying and never being born. And trust me, we're okay with it, I promise you that.

Mommy’s    gone .

I love how my mom is like no we’re a perfectly normal family, but the second she leaves the house no one fights anymore and we all leave our rooms. But yeah sure I’m the problem mom

SPN 4x16 On The Head Of A Pin has so many dark fucked-up parental things going on and I love it.

The scenes with Dean and Alastair are so claustrophobic and intimate, with Alastair paternalistic towards Dean in the darkest way. The comments like ‘daddy’s little girl’ and ‘all the poking and prodding’ and talking about John are just the most deliciously screwed-up stuff. Then cut to Sam with Ruby in a fucked up vampiric mothering parody as he drinks blood from her wrist, which feels both Oedipal and like it calls back to Azazel’s line about demon blood being better than mother’s milk. You can also draw a parallel from that to Mary’s original deal to allow Azazel into Sam’s nursery and feed him blood to save John, and Sam dealing with a demon and drinking blood to save Dean.

On top of that we get the angels and their god-daddy issues.

It’s the cycle of intergenerational trauma in full in just one episode. God, I love it so much.

Did Ben Edlund ever write a bad episode? And yes, the one with the fairies has its moments.

ok but metatron meeting god in s11 is beautiful and heartbreaking because he is THE fallen angel.

lucifer is the king of hell and castiel is the winchester’s kingpin but metatron? metatron is nothing. he is the sisyphus of humanity. he is doomed to rot amongst the lowest of existence and relive his worst mistakes ad nauseam. his pride has been beaten to a bloody pulp and his divinity taken from him, but still he reveres humanity. he is full of so much hatred and vitriol and fury but its because he flew too close to the sun. he loved too strongly, and he was abandoned.

metatron is such an intriguing character in general because he is such a cunt and so disgustingly awful in his self-satisfaction, yet still so vulnerable. he is a human that walks among angels. he is a meaningless speck in the larger picture. he knows he is flawed, he is pathetic, he is worth so little, yet he still stands up to his creator. he is the scribe of god who was left behind. he has spent countless millennia hidden away in awe of god’s creation, enraptured with their wit and ingenuity yet too scared to ever partake. he’s all sorts of awful and fucked up but when push comes to shove he gets up in chuck’s face and tells him he’s a goddamn coward and half the man that he loves.

yet despite this metatron talks about god with such awe. such reverence. god was his maker and his destroyer, his world and its downfall. god was everything to metatron, and he never forgave him for leaving. it filled him with such dismay and rage to be his most trusted confidant, the one to speak directly with the lord himself, then to be left behind in silence. i mean, just look at the way metatron describes him:

you are light. beauty. creation. wrath, damnation and salvation. why did you abandon us? why did you abandon me? you picked me. your light shined upon me, but then you left me. i prayed, every day. i know i am a disappointment, but you are wrong about humanity. they never give up. but you do. they are better than you are.

i dunno man. it just makes me feel all sorts of ways about the broken, bitter and twisted shell of god’s voice telling him that he was his first love and his first light, but that he’s also a coward. that an angel of the lord knows he is flawed of his own mistakes but that what god did to the world— and to him, was blasphemy, no matter how bright He shines. tis a stark reminder that supernatural is the Family Is Hell show and that generational trauma has roots too deep to cut loose.

am i the asshole for not taking care of my sister when she's just being a crybaby i've had a long day and i come home and my grandparents tell me to go take care of my sister because what are they doing?? nothing i'm not old enough for this shit yet and i shouldn't have to do it but my grandma's like (whenever my sister experiences a slight inconevenience/is in a bad mood (she's like 3-6)) my grandma tells me to "go deal with her". lets ignore the fact that my mum is never home either, it still shouldn't be my job. i'm still in school and that is not my responsibility as the oldest child. sure, maybe a few times if she's sad or we're home alone but not day after day because they're too annoyed with her antics to do it themselves. i have a life too, i have feelings too and i shouldn't be doing this shit.

Medusa with the Head of Perseus, Torrin A. Greathouse | The triple ouroboros, from a 16th-century Italian painting

from the start, they knew you were wrong.

also on youtube.

You should take a shower. I should take a shower. I’m gonna, I’m gonna take a shower now.

We're lucky we had Dad. 1.14 'Nightmare' | 8.18 'Freaks and Geeks'

Me if I had grown up in a normal family