cross guild being silly

blooming, 2023

inprnt // redbubble

-Heretical Mercy-

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ i dwew my oc again

Candace

Ok for real, it should not be this difficult to get help.

Head empty

Only thoughts

i just took a nap and it was fucking amazing

I got some book mail again ✨

I ordered two new books from Debbie Tung. The first one is "Book Love" and second one is "Everything is OK". I already have another graphic novel from her at home but never got the chance to read it. It’s definitely something different from the books I usually read. But the illustrations alone just said: Buy me!

I bet it’s gonna be so relatable ✨🌙

I'm back to existing online after about a month of things irl CONSTANTLY HAPPENING

and they were pretty great things, it has been a pretty amazing last month, but there's a part of me that desperately needs the quietness of just existing within a routine, and working on art while the cats doze nearby, the three of us experiencing 0% excitement

Hi hi! (Tw for money issues just in case I think?) recently a lot of my mutuals and people on my timeline have been posting merch of their f/os that they bought, and I’d wanna get merch too especially since there’s one that I really want that’s on sale but unfortunately my financial circumstances holds me back from doing so, and I’m not sure how to go about reassuring myself on the fact that’s it’s ok I don’t have merch of my f/o and they love me regardless of that? Tyvm 💛

hi hi anon!!!

i know it can be a hard place to be, but i want you to remember!!! nothing about who you are and nothing about what your relationship is relies on how much money you make. you are you with 10 dollars in your bank account, you are you with 100 dollars in your bank account, you are you with 1000 dollars in your bank account. and your f/os love you for you.

sometimes i like to think about it the other way around. you love your f/o and your f/o loves you. it's probably pretty safe to say that the way they'd react is the way you'd react. so how would you react?

if your f/o came to you and said, "i'm so sorry, i don't have a lot of extra money to spend right now." you wouldn't say, "you must not care about me then. you must not love me then."

you'd probably say, "you don't have anything to apologize for."

you'd probably say, "i care about money, i don't care about fancy dates or expensive gifts, i care about you."

the only reason it would probably bother you is because you want to make sure they're okay and they have everything they need, not because it means your relationship is any less of a relationship than one with lots of money in it. that's how they feel about you.

it's nice to be able to buy merch, but it's not everything. it doesn't make your relationship any more or any less, it doesn't really have any effect on your relationship at all. it's just a thing that's nice sometimes. and one day i'm sure you'll have some extra cash and you'll be able to splurge, but until then!!! your f/os know how much you love them and they're not going anywhere. promise.

local composer writhing in the throes of deific growing pains and soul metamorphosis. this empyrean cocoon is not yielding - it has thorns.

Stranger Things checking ALL the tropes

I’m great at pretending everything is ok, whilst everything is falling apart.

beware small rant below the cut

moving somewhere totally alone with like no family or friends nearby is legitimately really difficult, especially as a single woman. i’ve been here for months and have been trying to make some friends (not just to help, but because friends are nice), and these guys going to the meetups are all trying to find girlfriends. 

I wouldn’t be against a community center program to help people move in, just volunteering for building furniture and carrying stuff. Like, I would definitely sign up to help others **especially women (I might even start this myself once i’m settled). i do not want to owe anyone anything for some help carrying a table upstairs. I mentioned that I needed some help building furniture during my first month when I was still sleeping on the floor, and three times (three times!) I got comments like, i’ll help you build your bed, and it’s perfect, you’re single! There was also a woman who was trying to set me up with her son in exchange for him building my furniture, and I know that some of this is jokes but I seriously needed help and it 100% felt like pimping myself out. 

one guy, he was hosting events and i was meeting a lot of people through him, and then he got drunk, and texted me about how sexy he found me. i told him i was only looking for friends, which he seemed to accept ok, but then he started touching me: my face, my waist-- and also made comments about being into me while i was standing there and it was so uncomfortable so I distanced myself from him (and the people in his group) (ONE OF WHOM, was a man, 30 years older than me who ALSO came onto me and also sad some really objectifying and sexist things and that was really what did it)

and then last night, i desperately needed help moving something, broke down and texted a friend who i thought was ok, we brought it in and then he also came onto me and its just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i get it, shoot your shot, but this demographic of single men in there 30s is really negatively affecting my whole feeling safe in a new town thing. (Also, I’m ‘exotic’ in this country and much more so in this town so I get more crap from men, but I’m really over having friends nearby who I trust and having no help. I’ve never had this problem to this degree before). 

OK. Rant over. 

I really don’t get all this Shadow and Bone hate. It may not be 100% aligned with the books, but we were warned already. Besides the rushed pacing, I really liked it. Hopefully they flesh out the next season better and get rid of this Alina x Nikolai pairing soon.

And its been years since I read the series so I can’t even remember what’s canon and what’s fanservice anyways.