#every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u
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yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."
i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.
the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.
mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.
later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.
sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.
but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.
i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.
every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.
wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?
the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:
he wants to say i love you
but keeps it to goodnight
because love will take some falling
and she's afraid of heights.
every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.
mahler's fifth still makes me sick.
give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.
give me back what you took from me.
#nosebleed club#sorry stephen not ur fault#just like. thinking#writeblr#spilled ink#warm up#every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u#im like .... this is a trick right like ur gonna be mean now bc u did something nice rn#so obviously if ur being nice now either u did something mean and im about to learn about it#or you're going to BE mean#or ur gonna hold this over my head forever and i'll never get a nice thing ever again?#and every time nat is like .... babe i just actually like u#lesbian jesus story is 100% real btw. she also told me not to be an event planner#literally changed the shape of my life
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Letters to Santa, Part 1: 12 Days of Smut #11
Bucky Barnes x Reader 2-Part Fic
Request/prompt courtesy of @stuckysbike:
Warnings: profanity, mentions of orgasms, allusions to smut, dirty letter writing, MINORS DNI, 18+!!!
Word Count: 1.4k
A/N: I wasn't planning to do any sort of multi-part stuff for this 12 Days of Smut thing, I wanted to churn out a bunch of smutty one-shots so you guys could have a lil Christmas meal every day. But when I started writing this today I kinda fell in love with the last couple of paragraphs and it felt so RIGHT leaving it the way I did. So, it looks like you guys will be getting part 2 of this tomorrow which will be s m u t t y and also a separate smut #12 tomorrow. Thanks to @stuckysbike for this amazing prompt that I’ve been thinking about for DAYS now.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is any one of the following, you can pick for me because I’m a little indecisive:
someone to unwrap me like a Christmas present
someone to give me a Christmas miracle (three orgasms in one night, if that’s not too much to ask)
someone to cum down my chimney
With love,
Y/n
“Oh my god, this is perfect!” Natasha laughs out the words as she waves your letter around in the air. “We have to mail this. I need someone to find the address for the North Pole.”
“Come on, Nat. Santa’s already put me on his naughty list. I’m not getting anything this year.” You say with a pout, pushing your bottom lip out.
“It’s true, I saw her submit a half-finished mission report last week.” Wanda points out. You roll your eyes before leaning back on the couch and raising your nearly empty beer bottle to your lips. You take a long sip as Nat, Wanda, and Sharon continue reading each other’s dirty letters to Santa and teasing each other. You’re enjoying sitting through the fun of girls night like you do every Friday night, until you hear the elevator ding across the room. Just as you turn your head to see who it’s carried upstairs, the doors slide open to reveal Sam and Bucky. Sam opens his arms wide upon seeing the four of you piled together on the couch, clearly loving that he’s just stumbled into his first girls night.
“Is this what I think it is?” He asks excitedly, quickly making his way over to the couch and seating himself on the end of the sectional.
“A bunch of girls writing dirty letters to Santa? Yes.” Sharon reveals all. You shoot her a faux-angry glare.
“Sharon, he’s a guy. You’re not supposed to tell him anything about girl’s night.” Wanda reprimands her jokingly. Sharon lifts her hands in surrender.
“Hey, this is the first one I’ve been invited to, no one told me the rules. I’m also a little drunk, it’s not my fault.”
Your eyes snap back over to Sam just in time to see him peering over Nat’s shoulder, trying to get a look at your very own dirty letter to Santa. You’re quick to scramble to your feet and snatch the piece of paper from Nat’s hand, narrowing your eyes at Sam.
“If you don’t have a sled and…eight…no, nine reindeer, then this isn’t for you.” You say coldly, carefully folding the letter and setting it on the coffee table that’s littered with pens, beer bottles, and various snacks.
“I could have a sled.” Sam offers, eyeing where your letter now sits.
“You have wings, it’s not the same.” Sharon quips. As everyone continues to joke and tease each other around the coffee table, you’re sitting back and enjoying the nice buzz you feel from the alcohol you’ve consumed so far tonight. After another minute of listening to your friends have the time of their lives, you can’t help but feel like you’re being watched. You let your eyes float around from Wanda to Nat, then to Sam at the end of the couch, and then to Sharon. No one’s looking at you. That’s when you remember the silent sixth person in the room. You turn your head and look over your shoulder, finding Bucky standing in the kitchen, sipping from his own bottle of beer as he stares right at you. Any other person caught staring would look away. That’s the normal thing to do, right? But Bucky has never looked away, of all of the times you’ve caught him staring. Maybe it’s an alpha male type of behavior you could learn about on Animal planet, hell if you know, but whatever it is Bucky has it bad. Sam jokingly refers to him as the bionic staring machine and you’ve never heard anything more accurate. However, you’ve noticed lately that Bucky stares at you a hell of a lot more than he stares at anyone else. Is it wishful thinking? Maybe. You have no problem admitting that the man is annoyingly attractive, and the fact that he tends to be so quiet and elusive only adds to the attraction. Like they say, a crush is just a lack of information. If Bucky talked more, you’d easily lose your attraction to him. You’re sure of that.
You’re lightly engaging in the conversation with Sam and the girls again, but you can still feel Bucky’s gaze burning a hole in the back of your head as you speak. When he finally silently slips out of the kitchen and disappears down the hallway that leads to everyone’s rooms, you’re relieved. You don’t know why you always find it so hard to relax around him. He puts you on edge for a reason you’ll never understand.
“Okay, I think it’s time for everyone to get to bed. We have a full day tomorrow with baking Christmas cookies, the gingerbread house contest, and the Christmas dinner.” Wanda reminds everyone. She’s the first one to rise from the couch, gathering up the pens and blank pieces of paper to put them away. You’re quick to start collecting the empty beer bottles from the coffee table, trying to do your part. You’re so preoccupied with straightening up the small mess you all left in the kitchen that you don’t even notice Natasha tucking your dirty letter to Santa into the waistband of her pants. In fact, the dirty letter doesn’t even cross your mind as you finish up in the kitchen and head to your room for the night.
Natasha thinks of herself as a matchmaker of sorts, or at least someone who’s good at reading chemistry between people. She might not know enough to say that two people are destined to marry and have a bunch of kids together, but she knows when two people would have a good physical relationship. That particular skill of hers is what leads her not only to steal your dirty letter to Santa, but to slide it under Bucky’s door as she passes his room to get to her own a little while later. What a devious Black Widow your best friend is.
---
Someone to unwrap me like a Christmas present. Someone to give me a Christmas miracle of three orgasms in one night. Someone to cum down my chimney.
Bucky has read the letter a total of four times, each time making his dick a little harder and his chest rise and fall a little faster. He stares at the bottom of the page where you so neatly signed your name. It’s the dirty letter you wrote just earlier during girls night. Bucky isn’t even questioning the fact that this is how the four of you chose to spend your evening. His only question is how and why your letter ended up sitting on the floor right inside of his door after he finished showering. Did you slide it under there yourself? Did someone else do it? Are you expecting him to give you one of these gifts?
He sits on the side of his bed still staring down at the piece of paper in his hand, but he’s not reading it anymore. He’s thinking back to every single interaction he’s ever had with you, from the most minor to the most memorable. Hell, they’ve all been memorable. Every lingering look, every seemingly accidental touch of your thigh against his when you’re in the quinjet or in the conference room for a briefing, every damn word you’ve ever said to him. There’s always been some kind of a spark between the two of you, a clear sexual tension that was begging to be broken, but neither of you ever did a thing about it. So, why now is Bucky thinking about doing something about it? If you slipped the letter under his door, then it’s obviously something you want him to do. You gave him a fucking menu of choices. But if you didn’t slip it under the door, then who else has noticed the sexual tension between you two and decided that it was their job to remedy it?
Someone to unwrap me like a Christmas present. Someone to give me a Christmas miracle of three orgasms in one night. Someone to cum down my chimney.
Bucky folds the piece of paper into a small rectangle before placing it in the top drawer of his nightstand and taking a deep breath in.
All of the above. That’s what he chooses for you.
TAG LIST:
@mrsjoequinn @nixxaswrld @sweettae02 @frombkjar @hellfirebabe @edelweissbarnes @fandomsfeminismandme @missadored @buchi91 @phoenixstark1708 @mayamacall @wickedwitch-99 @sunnyhummingbee @gyokujyn @jenniferpendragon @thealloveru2 @siciliano13 @ordelixx @crist1216 @twlkdead @claireelizabeth85 @charmedbysarge @wishingforwonderland @blackhawkfanatic @kentokaze
#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#mcu#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x you#marvel#the winter soldier#winter soldier#12 days of smut
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Getting into a fight with Natalie.
(A nat scatorccio x fem reader fic)
NATALIE COME BACK. NO DONT U FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM ME.
You scream at her as she walks to the living room from your room. She’s already downed a bottle of gin and she decides to pick a fight with you today.
SHUT THE HELL UP OH MY GOD.
She screams back as she lays on the couch.
What the Fuck is wrong with u today huh? u ignore me the whole damn day at school and u decided to fucking COME OVER AND DRINK HUH?
You scream at her and snatch the bottle from her hand.
Natalie glares at u with a look you’ve never seen before, a look u wish you weren’t seeing.
Give me back the fucking bottle y/n.
You don’t though. U stand your ground. Shaking sure, but u stand the ground.
I said. Give me back the bottle. NOW.
She screams into your face. The smell of gin mixed with cigarettes completely filling ur face.
N-no..
You sputter softly. Crying now.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE U CRYING FOR JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
She snatched the bottle from your hand and takes a swig.
Natty what’s happening to you….Natalie please…you need to slow down….the drugs the alcohol baby please….
You say as u run to her and cup her cheek…looking up at her.
MAYBE I WILL IF U DIDN’T GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON TO DO IT.
She screams into your face. Drunk. High. Unloving.
You stand there staring at her. Frozen. Letting what she said sink into you.
She stares at you. Her face softening. She looks down.
I-I’m the one making u do this..?
You stutter frozen in space. A look of anger and disgust on ur face.
Nat doesn’t look at you. She’s staring at the floor.
I didn’t mean that it slipped out….y/n I didn’t- I didn’t I-I you know I didn’t fucking mean that l-
It’s me? This whole time? That’s how fucking terrible I am? Hmm? THATS HOW MUCH I-
Your voice cracks…..you bend down and pinch ur nose trying not to cry further.
Y/n……
Nat tries protesting…her eyes wide as she realises what she just said….
You let out a sniffle
Y/n…y/n look at me-
IF I SUCKED SO MUCH U SHOULD’VE FUCKING LEFT ME NATALIE. YOU SHOULD’VE NEVER TOLD ME U LOVED ME AND U SHOULD NEVER KISS ME AFTER SCHOOL EVERY FUCKING DAY IF IM THE REASON YOUR FUCKING MESSED UP. IF I WAS SUCH A FUCKING BURDEN Y-
I DIDN’T MEAN WHAT I SAID IT SLIPPED OUT. I LOVE U I DO. Y/n I-I ACTUALLY LOVE U MORE THAN ANY FUCKING THING. NO NO NO I DIDN’T I DIDN’T I SWEAR-
Nat runs to you explaining everything….hands raised, trying to cup your cheek. You turn away from her.
You let out more choked sobs as she protests.
Your gripping your T-shirt and sobbing…
No no baby i- baby it slipped out I swear I swear oh my fucking god y/n I swear I didn’t-
She goes to gather you.
She knows how bad u must feel considering how bad her addiction problems were, the number of OD’s she’s experienced, the number of bad reactions….now she’s blamed you for it.
She knows how u feel. She hates it.
No no baby come here I’m so sorry I’m so sorry….she says as she hugs u and cries herself.
You sob into her shirt.
N-no I didn’t- I didn’t want to make u do that…Natalie…Natalie no I’m - im sorry for being such a
Baby no baby please…please please I didn’t mean it I’m sorry I’m sorry…
She’s crying into ur head as she holds you, kissing u repeatedly.
If u-u didn’t mean it why would- would you- why would u say that I tried helping u natty so-so many r-time natty why would y-you say that…Natalie I- no no why-
She holds you like you’ve just died in her arms. Regretting everything shes done like she killed you.
I tried keeping u clean. You whimper. If it was me the whole time….Natalie….
She stays silent and kisses ur temple. Shaking in regret.
It’s not you….I don’t know why I said that. I- I love u I swear I swear y/n
You lay there sobbing in her arms…sobbing even though u wanna be far away from her….u can’t though. You can’t even if this repeats, even if she’s drunk and yelling.
You love your Natalie.
She’s your natty.
She’s kissing ur temple tonight.
She’ll be yelling at u tomorrow.
She’ll be laughing at Kevin’s dumb behaviour with u tomorrow.
That’s your natty.
Your. Natty.
If you touch a drug or bottle again I’ll leave. U finally mutter into her chest.
You know u won’t leave. You love her too much.
Nat doesn’t.
Nat sobs into your hair.
I’m trying y/n….I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that I’m trying you know.
Nat sobs into you. Kissing ur temple.
You kiss the hand holding you.
Natty?
Yeah babygirl… she sniffles back.
Don’t fucking say that again. You shiver.
Nats face squirms, she tries not to cry.
Don’t fucking say that after everything I’ve done. After how much I love you. You say blankly.
Nat kisses your cheek in response. You feel her tears. Warm. Fresh. Regretting.
You can’t really stay up after this. Your day was exhausting, so was your night. You fall asleep in her arms.
So does she.
Both faces peaceful, tear filled yes….but peaceful.
We don’t know what is to come.
Atleast you have your natty.
Your. Natty.
#lottie x natalie#nat scatorccio x reader#natalie scatorccio x reader#faniction#yellowjackets x reader#natalie scatorccio x fem reader
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Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince
MAATHP Masterlist
2 : Y O U N E E D T O C A L M D O W N
Getting called into the president’s office is never a good thing. Getting called into your father’s office is never a good thing. But when the president is your father and the PR manager AND Secret Service escort you to his office, you know that you royally fucked up this time, but Meri would never let her father know that she knew that.
“Hi daddy!” Meredith smiles innocently when she enters the Oval Office.
“Sit.” Meri drops into the couch immediately, waiting for her father to look up from his desk. He’s reading on Bernie’s iPad and Meri just has a feeling that he’s looking at the article published this morning about her. “Sweetheart, you know that I love you.”
“Well, I love you too.” Meri replies, smiling, hoping he’ll ignore the news of her outburst.
“But what in God’s name were you thinking!” His volume makes her smile falter. “I have been on the phone all day with the King of England because you decided to scream at the heir to the throne! Have you lost your mind?”
“Well I can explain–”
“Oh you are going to explain. And you’ll explain until your face turns blue about how they took this… this…” Pete groans before he continues, “this disagreement, out of context and you two are actually great friends.”
“But…”
“No buts.” He glares, and Meri immediately stops talking. “You are going to be on the next flight to London. Today! And you better fix this.”
“Yes sir.” Meri sighs as he dismisses her.
“Miss Mitchell, welcome back to Kensington Palace.” Bob Floyd greets Meri as she exits the car.
“It's great to see you, Bob.” Meri smiles politely. “Where is the prince?” She questions, moving to help the driver unload her bags.
“Jake’s running a little behind today.”
“As usual.” She groaned, turning back to the prince’s best friend and courtier. “Then I will be going to my room and if the prince decides he wants to show up for his affairs then I will gladly make an appearance.”
“I expect nothing less from you, Meri.” Bob laughs, leading her to the guest wing.
“Oh, Nat is going to be joining me next week.”
“Did I hear something about Natasha?”
“Meri, you remember Javy Machado?” Bob reintroduces him.
“Yes, the self proclaimed best friend to the heir who has an unhealthy obsession with my best friend.” Meri replies sarcastically as she shake Javy’s hand.
“Oh look is the little Miss Americana who can have any man and still acts like a hoe.” Javy laughs, unable to keep up in their usual game.
“It's great to see you, Jav. And yes, Nat’s going to be here next week, maybe ask her out this time?” The American asks, dropping her bags to the couch in the room.
Javy groans and drops to the bed.
Natasha Trace and Javy Machado have bounced around the idea of being a couple for all of 3 years now. Meredith and Bradley have been telling Nat to just ask him out while Bob and even Jake have been trying to convince Javy to ask her.
“How about you, Meri?” Bob perks up. “Any men catching your eye?”
“No,” She answers simply. “Now shoo. I need a relaxing bath before I deal with your best friend.” Meredith pushes both men out the door, shutting it behind them before making her way to the connected bathroom.
“They’re so going to get married.” Javy laughs, he and Bob walking towards the study where Jake currently resides.
“I don’t know man, she seems pretty set in her feelings about him.”
“About who?” Jake perks up as his friends enter.
“Nothing.” Bob says. “Do you plan on making an appearance with your guest or should I send the reporters home?”
“Interviews are at 3, I have a few hours to enjoy myself.” Jake shrugs, closing the folders he was previously flipping through.
“No, they’re at 1 and you have 45 minutes to change and meet Meri out front for pictures.” Bob corrects. “So please, do not piss her off anymore and just play nice, okay?”
Jake flashes a smirk at Bob’s request as he chuckles. “I’m always nice.”
Every interview that evening started with the same question, “So you two have been friends since her father’s Inauguration Ball?”
Jake laughs at the notion. The two had both met at a charity gala a few weeks after the election and hadn’t even spoken to each other. Then when the inauguration ball came around, Meredith Mitchell told him he could ‘suck his own royal dick’ and to leave her alone.The President did not like hearing her say that.
“We got off to a rocky start, that's for sure. Meri was still new to being center stage in everything and she only knew me as the playboy I’m depicted as online, but by the end of the night we quickly realized we weren’t much different. Plus our dad’s are actually old friends.” Jake answers.
Meri went to answer as well but the reporter quickly asked another question.
“What was your first opinion of the President’s daughter?”
“I thought she was,” Jake paused, glancing over at her as she began to intently listen to what he was saying, “is.. I think she is absolutely beautiful.” He says, eyes never leaving hers. “She has the most amazing laugh, and her smile, well it’s infectious really.”
“Have you ever thought of being anything more with her, your highness?”
“Do you plan on asking me any questions while you're here?” Meri interrupts, turning away from Jake’s stare.
“Excuse me, I was speaking to the prince.”
“No, you were just ignoring me. Do you have any questions for me in your little journal?” The reporter stutters as he flips through the pages. “We’re done here.” Meredith stands and walks to the door.
“But I still have questions!”
“Ask me one question about anything but my outfit, diet, or workout plan and I will actually take you seriously.” Meri glares at the reporter who sits stunned. “Exactly, I’m leaving.”
“Hey Meri, wait up!” Jake follows after her.
Meredith storms through Kensington Palace mumbling to herself. Jake silently follows behind her, patiently waiting for her to stop.
Meri couldn’t believe the audacity the reporter had to ignore her and surely every other reporter took her comments and scrapped them as soon as they left.
“No good, son of a bitch.”
“Hey Meri?”
“Shut up.” She growls, throwing open the door to her room.
“Meri…”
“I said shut up!” She screams, facing the prince. “You don’t get it do you?”
“He was just asking some questions. I don’t see the big deal.” He shrugs, leaning against the doorway.
“Big… I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
“Well Meri? What do you want me to think? You yelled at the poor guy for asking a question.”
“To the world I’m nothing more than a girl on a pedestal. Who designed my dress, what makeup brands am I wearing, what kind of diet of rabbit food am I on! It's the same thing every time!” Meri explains to Jake. She’d gotten used to the misogyny over the years but it still irks her to the bone. “And then, that reporter asks if we’d be more than friends, I’m just some piece of arm candy aren't I?”
“No! Meri you are so much more than the bullshit questions people ask you.” Jake defends. “If anyone doesn’t see that then they’re an idiot.”
“Like you know shit about me.” She brushes off his comments. After all, in Meredith’s mind, Prince Jake doesn’t care about her, or any girl. Never has, never will.
“People can change, Meri. Especially when people believe they can’t.”
Taglist : @mayhemmanaged @sarahsmi13s @kmc1989 @dempy @atarmychick007 @sarahjoestewy-blog @fangirlvibez @princess76179 @averyhotchner @multifandomgirl-us @lynnevanss @beautifulandvoid @djs8891 @imaginecrushes @els-marvelvsp @daisydaisygoose @missymisha @ems-alexandra @rogersbarnesxx @good-night-starlight
#gbaby miss Americana#top gun maverick#top gun#top gun x reader#jake seresin#jake hangman seresin#jake seresin fic#jake hangman seresin fic#jake seresin smut#jake seresin x oc#jake hangman seresin x Meredith Mitchell#jake seresin x presidents daughter! OC#jake seresin fanfiction#jake seresin fluff#jake hangman x presidents daughter!OC#jake hangman x Meredith Mitchell#jake hangman fic#jake hangman imagine#hangman imagine#hangman x Meredith Mitchell#top gun hangman#hangman#hangman x OC#hangman seresin#hangman fanfiction#hangman top gun
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Hey I saw that your taking request so here I am ! By the way How are u ? How was your day ?
My idea was a story with Natasha an x reader i heard it a long time ago. So Nat and the reader are in a relationship and the reader squezze Nat hand 2 time very gently several time a day and multiple days. Nat never question it at first but then one time she ask her and the reader just froz and keep being silent u know. So nat just let it go and it the end of the day Reader explain that that her way to say I love you without saying the actually words because its hard for her to tell that she love her.
And u can finish it the way u want to ! Love u ! Have a nice day !
I Show It, Don't Say it (Natasha x gn!reader)
Word Count = 432 (roughly, also sorry it's so short. I also tried to keep it as close as possible but not sure if some bits changed.)
A/N - I NEVER proofread my works even on Wattpad I never proofread! So, apologies for any errors and I expect there will be some. I am also trying to write in present tense as I usually write in past tense so this is definitely a change.
A/N - Thanks for the request. This was out of my comfort zone but it's fun to explore new ways of writing which may come in handy for my novel I am writing. And my day has been mostly boring tbh, lectures but oh well. I have no lectures tomorrow or Wednesday so I can write more fics! And hope you all have a nice day too! :)
I’ve been dating Natasha Romanoff for a while now. Two months to be exact and things are starting to get serious now. The only problem is, I want to tell her I love her but I’m just to scared to. So, for now, I have decided to find other ways to let her know just how I feel. I think it's working because we seem to be in a better place than ever!
Right now, I'm out on a walk with Nat hand in hand. We walk in a comfortable silence. Without even realising, I squeeze Nat's hand every now and then. Why? Like I said before, I want to tell her I love her but I'm just too terrified. The possibility of rejection lingers in my mind if I say it out loud. One thing to know about me is I am an over thinker and this is one of the many situations I overthink and generally come up with my worst outcomes in my mind.
The silence is broken when Nat starts speaking. "I have to ask. What's with all the little gestures you do?" "What do you mean?" I ask hoping the conversation I've been putting off for so long isn't about to creep up. "Like when you squeeze my hand every so often. I'm just curious as to what the reason for that is." Yep there it is. Crap. This is it then. I either tell her how I feel or make something completely ridiculous up to avoid the subject which can only have disastrous outcomes. Then again so can actually confessing. So, I may as well come right out and say it.
"You wanna know why I do small gestures such as that?" I ask and she nods waiting for my answer. I take a deep breath trying to stop a panic attack from forming. "It's because I love you." I simply say. Nat freezes and now and is staring me right through my soul. "You do?" She asks unsure of what to say. "I do and I show it, don't say it."
Natasha goes silent again but this time she is deep in thought. This is probably the part where she is going to reject me. But to my shock, she instead takes my hand back in hers and we start walking again but I did not fail to notice the gentle squeeze she gives to my hand. All my fear of rejection has now gone out of the window knowing that she loves me back. Needless to say, the rest of the walk is very peaceful.
A/N - Hope you all enjoyed it. Again sorry it's so short. I need to work at making my fics longer especially if I'll be doing more on here.
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Heey so this is my first time requesting something. So about the smut prompt list i would love 9 or 29 or 36 if you want to write them?
Thank you and don't feel like you need to write them if u don't want to :)) have a great day/evening
do you like that? | n. romanoff
hello darling, thank you for sending in this request! so sorry that it took me forever to get to this but here she is <3
the prompts:
9- “do you like that”
29- “i love it when you kiss my neck”
36- “you’re mine”
pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader
warnings: fingering (r receiving) slight cursing
i hope this does your first time ever requesting a fic justice <3 kinda turned this into readers first time with nat type of thing.
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Soft.
That was the first thing that popped into your head when her lips met yours. Soft. They folded perfectly with yours and tasted like cinnamon.
Your breath caught in the back of your throat when her tongue slowly glided across your bottom lip, a silent question, asking for entrance, entrance you granted with the slight part of your lips. She wasted no time to push past your lips, her tongue colliding with yours as the kiss grew more heated.
You let out a soft moan, and she smirked against your lips, nipping at your bottom lip softly before completely removing her lips from your own, and descending her kisses further down your body.
First it was your jaw, slight kisses against your jawline, her tongue gliding across the skin as she left wet kisses behind. Then she moved to your neck, your head automatically lulling to the side as she practically attached her lips to every inch of skin she could see.
Her lips sucked at her delicate skin, purple bruises rising in their wake before attacking the fresh, waiting skin with new marks. Her mouth found it’s way to where your neck met your shoulder, a smile graced her lips as her teeth grazed the sensitive skin, and the moan that left you told her she had hit the right spot.
“I love it when you kiss my neck,” you whined as her lips sucked a bruise onto that exact spot. Her hands trailed down your sides and found the hem of your t-shirt, only detaching her lips from your skin to lift your shirt over your head. Once your shirt was finally removed, and her eyes raked your exposed torso, you could tell by the look on her face that forgoing a bra when she had invited you to her room was the right decision.
Her mouth attached itself to your breasts, licking up between the valley of your breasts before sucking a nipple between her lips. You arched your back into her touch, hand coming up to grip onto her hair as she do so, teeth grazing against your perk nipple as a deep moan left your throat.
She smirked against your skin as she moved from one to the other, and continued the attacked on your left nipple. You wiggled under her grasp, arching your chest into her more as she let out a deep chuckle. “Patience, baby, I’ll get there eventually.” You whined at her words as she kissed between your breasts and then made the slow trek down your stomach, placing a kiss one right after the other.
She slowed her movements once she reached the waistband of your shorts, her eyes glancing up at you beneath her lashes, you met her eyes, and as you looked at each other, your eyes spoke everything she needed to know before dipping her fingers between your shorts and gently tugging them down your legs.
You let out a breath at the sudden realization of your nakedness, the realization of what was about to happen, you slightly stiffened up as her hands slid up your thighs. “What’s wrong baby?” She asked gently, as if she was able to read your mind and you looked at her. “I-I’ve never,” your voice trailed off as you avoided her gaze, your face turning a deep red out of embarrassment.
“Oh baby, I’m going to take such good care of you,” she seals her promise with a soft kiss to your lips before moving back down, slowly prying your legs open, spreading you open for her. She hums in approval, her thumb pressing against your clothed clit, causing a gasp to leave your lips. “So soaked baby, you’ve been waiting for this huh? Waiting for me to destroy this pretty pussy?” She asked sweetly as her thumb moved in slowly circles against the hardened bud.
You whined in response as you gripped the sheets beneath your finger tips, “do you like that?” She whispered as she hovered over your face, you looked up at her as your eyes met her own, you went to nod your head but she took the opportunity of distraction to slide two fingers inside of you, and your mouth fell open. She smirked as she pushed them fully inside of you, waiting for you to adjust to the sudden intrusion before she moved them.
“You okay baby?” She asked and you nodded, your eyes squeezed shut as you adjusted, the slight stinging turning into pleasure as you urged her to continue. “Move, please,” you begged and Nat wasted no time in moving her fingers slowly, intricately, as she wiggled her fingers around inside to learn what makes you come undone.
You let out a soft moan, as her fingers slightly grazed a certain spot within your walls that she took note of. She curled her fingers as she pulled them out, pressing against the spot harder this time, causing a loud moan to rip from your throat. She smirked as she placed a kiss to your neck as her fingers worked between your legs, the pace in which she was fucking you witch increasing with every stroke.
An unfamiliar feeling began to build in the pit of your stomach, as your body began to match her movements. “Nat,” you breathed out, and she moved her gaze to you. “Are you gonna cum for me baby, hmm?” She whispered against your lips and you nodded. “I-I think so,” you whined out as she began to slow her movements, lessening the build up in your stomach, as you gasped out. “No no, don’t stop, please,” you whimpered.
“Say you’re mine,” she whispered and you looked at her, looking between her eyes as you tried to search for a reasoning behind her request. “You know I’m yours,” you reassured her as you cupped her face, rubbing your thumbs against her cheek. “Promise?” You nodded as you kissed her. “I promise.”
Her fingers continued their tortuous pace as she leaned up between your knees, her fingers sliding against your g-spot with perfect with each stroke and it didn’t take long for your orgasm to take over your body as your back arched off the bed and your mouth fell open followed by a loud moan.
Her fingers eased you down from your high, and you had to push her hand away when you became to sensitive. She removed her hand from between her legs and brought her fingers up to her lips as she sucked each of them clean, humming at your taste and savoring every drop she could. You gulped at the sight, thighs clenching shut because that was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.
“Getting riled up again are you angel?” All you could do was nod as she leant over your body once more, placing a kiss to your lips as her tongue grazed against your bottom lip, before pushing past your lips and you whined at the left over taste of you on her tongue. “Think you can take one more?” She whispered as she pecked your lips, moving down your body.
“Please,” you choked out between a gasp as she placed a delicate kiss over your sensitive clit. “Good, because now I want to taste you.”
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i hope you enjoyed <3
send me a request from this prompt list
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x fem!reader#natasha romanoff x reader smut#natasha romanoff smut#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanoff x y/n#top!natasha#natasha romanoff fanfic#marvel#lgbtq+#lesbian
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heartbreak
summary: reader gets broken up with
note: everyone in this fic is a Lesbian because i said so. also this is for my bff, i love u jasiepoo i hope you feel better soon.
warnings: semi proofread.
🏷: @c-is-writing
mama!nat x daughter!reader
. . .
going to school the day after you got broken up with was one thing, but seeing your ex girlfriend act like nothing ever happened between the two of you was something else. seeing her happy, unbothered face in your classes and in the hallways only made you feel more ridiculous than before. how could she be so okay while you felt so painfully miserable?
you hadn't even told your mom yet, but you knew she could tell there was something was wrong. every chance you got you spent it in your room.
today you had caught your exe’s eye and saw that she was wearing one of your favorite hoodies you let her borrow prior to the breakup. it felt like a giant slap in the face and you couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of sadness that ran through your heart.
you didn't bother going to the next class, not when you knew she would be there. instead you hid in the bathroom, phone in hand as you went to call your mom.
she picked up on the third ring.
"mama?"
"yes sweetheart?"
"can you come get me please?" you sniffled, wiping your nose with the sleeve of your shirt.
"what happened? do you want me to call wanda and tell her to meet us at the house?" she questioned, but this wasn't something you necessarily wanted to talk about over the phone in your school bathroom.
"no, no that's okay. can– can i tell you about it when we get home? i don't want to talk about it here." your voice wavered pitifully.
"of course. i'm on my way, hang in there okay?"
you were in her car not fifteen minutes later with your head resting against the window. driving home was a blur, the only thing on your mind being trying not to cry in front of your mom.
as soon as natasha unlocked the door you hurried into your room, slamming your door shut before releasing a sob.
you were so angry and upset. you wanted to hate her, you wanted her to feel as bad as you did, but you couldn't bring it in you truly wish those things - not when a part of you still loved her.
the next hour was spent crying on your bed until you finally wore yourself out.
natasha figured it had been enough time to have for yourself before coming in. she frowned when she saw you curled up on your bed, pillow tucked between your arms.
thinking quickly, she went to grab a bottle of water and two tylenol pills. if you'd been crying as hard as she thought you did, you'd definitely wake up with a headache.
after gently setting the bottle and tylenol on your nightstand, natasha leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead.
she almost made it out of your room when your strained voice called out to her.
"mom?"
she turned around, "shhh, go back to sleep sweetheart." but you sat up, taking the two pills.
"can you stay please? i don't want to be alone." your mother nodded and made her way over to your bed, sliding underneath the covers.
"are you okay princess?"
you bit your lip, shaking your head no. "she broke up with me mama."
"oh darling, i'm so sorry." natasha wrapped her arms around you, bringing you in for the tightest hug you'd felt in awhile.
"and she's completely unbothered by everything. she even wore one of my favorite hoodies today. she knew how much i liked it and she wore it anyway. why would she do that?" you broke into cries again.
"hey, hey shhhh. you're okay, i've got you baby." natasha cooed, kissing the top of your head.
it broke her heart to see you hurting so bad, especially knowing that it was from someone who used to be special to you.
"she said she didn't love me anymore and things weren't the same as they used to be. i don't know what i did wrong, mom." you sniffled, gripping tighter onto natasha's side.
"you didn't do anything wrong baby." she reassured, but it didn't help the situation.
"then why would she break up with me!"
"i wish i had an answer for you, i really do." she whispered.
"i never want to date again," you mumbled, eliciting a laugh from natasha.
"i said the same thing until i met wanda. there's definitely something different about lesbian heartbreak, i'll tell you that. but you'll find the right girl eventually."
you shrugged, "i dunno."
"you will, it just doesn't feel that way right now cause you're hurting."
there was a period of time where all you did was snuggle into natasha as much as you could. her fingers rubbed the base of your scalp, easing some of the tension from your headache.
“when is wanda going to be home?” you questioned, “i want my other mom here to fix me.”
natasha checked her watch, “just a few more hours.” you hummed in the crook of her neck.
"does it ever stop hurting?"
natasha smiled, "eventually it does."
"you promise?"
“have i ever broken a promise?” she teased lightly. you shuffled to adjust yourself against your mom again.
“m’tired.”
“go back to sleep baby, wanda and i will be here when you wake up.”
you were quick to listen to her, shutting your eyes and letting the warmth of your mother become your security.
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yellowjackets s2e4 lb
WHAT IS GOING ON i dont remember that clip from the last ep but it's fine
taissa repressed/separated the part of herself so much that its turned into a completely Other Self
DID HER SLEEPWALKING TAKE HER TO VAN?
is it just me or is it simply the link im using or does the themesong sound... more sinister...?
apex predator (survivalist cannibal) shauna shipman is HERE
once again... a comedy<3
FRODO AND MISTY BESTIE TIME?
"it's pretty rare for a friend to so relentlessly have your back" ok so i have theories. 1) he actually is just a weirdo who is also on misty's wavelength 2) fed 3) cult member (unlikely) 4) forest-sent (unlikely but it'd be interesting)
i REALLY want misty to have a fellow morally dubious and hilarious bestest best friend but i ALSO know that we are in a tv show where things have to happen. so. im enjoying it while i can.
IS IT STARTING? ARE THEY FINALLY TURNING ON COACH BEN BECAUSE HE DID NOT PARTAKE IN THE RITUALISTIC FOREST-INDUCED CANNIBALISM EVENT OF EATING JACKIE'S CORPSE? LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO
"a contest" oh boy
its happeninggggg the splintering the division fairytale vs "logic" putting saint lottie of new jersey on the spot lets GO
cult convo in the carrrrr
every time a character takes their eyes off the road when theyre drying i think of that one time when frodo says "get off the road!" in fotr except it's "keep your eyes on the road" <3
oh lottie....
lottie speaks and all i hear is therapy voice like she DOES know what to say and how to think about things but only in the way that does not threaten the frame of mind she was forced into likeeeee god there's a lottie underneath it all just like there's a shauna underneath it all under the layers of bullshit and time they're still under there lottie pleeeeaaaase
THE RITUAL OF PREPARATION.... I NEED A MINUTE...
is that snow in the line of lottie's scar.... like the snow in the carving on the tree...
also tho if u think about it i DO get it like nat refusing to take the blessing bec she thinks its stupid and it doesnt work and the others believing that it means shes not doing EVERYTHING she can to feed them i get that i can see it...
"im a millionaire its on youtube" JASDSDKSAJFKDS?????
shes touching the mouse... if you hear yelling in the distance thats my mom saying "mice carrie DISEASES"
lottie getting tetanus so the group can eat... <3
NAT IS SO FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
LISAAAAAAAAA
oh lisa...
ok i do want to say. first and foremost. it is entirely possible do feel numb when they got on medication and im not going to discount that. HOWEVER. in my PERSONAL experience with depression, therapy, and medication... a lot of the times that "numb" is experiencing "stable" like you're not feeling the super highs and super lows anymore you've tapered off and entered a more... normal? ??? range of emotions im getting sleepy so i cant remember the name of it but my therapist has described tolerance and vibrations and whatever and when youre in a Downtrend you are depressed but when you're Activated (angry, worried, anxious, etc.) you're Doing things and the goal is not to seesaw as much so violently into both ends but find a safe middle ground where you're supposed to be able to manage ur emotions well. idk what's going on w lisa i cant speak to her specifics or anything but like . im fairly sure that the idea that medication "numbs" you and turns you into a zombie is not as common as media portrays? if not entirely misrepresented or a misconception? i could be totally wrong in that and am only speaking from personal experience so take that as you will
DID SHAUNA REALLY JUST ADMIT TO KILLING ADAM TO HER KID? THE SAME KID WHO SNITCHED ON HER? LMAOOOOOOOOOOO WE'VE STARTED THE COUNTDOWN BABEYYYYYY (maybe) (we'll havet o see)
"hes not a bad person hes just a bad criminal" LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIP JEFF FOUND DEAD IN NEW JERSEY
"i promise i wont tell anyone my mom murdered someone" im sure this will have no future ramfications atall <3 ever <3
oh im a fan of lisa its official im not letting her go.
NAT GOING OFF ON LISA'S MOM LET'S GO LET'S FUCKIN GGO
NAT PUT THE FISH IN HER MOUTH TO STEAL IT FROM THE MOM AND GAVE IT BACK TO LISA IM SCREEECHINGGGGG SHES CRAZYYYYYYY
mari caring more about the rules of the game more than not starving... eye see... also the moose may be a false hope/trap set by the forest but who knows<3
A PLANE?
THE PLANE?
LEONARD????? THE BEAR??????
IS IT A VISION OR??????
GIRL SOMETHING IS WRONG!
GIRL WTF
WTF
WTF
WTF
is this the woods telling nat she should have taken the blessing...
jeff is right one (1) time youre really NOT supposed to let your kid know you killed people
im fairly certain thats not how youre supposed to treat hypothermia but what do i know. and what do they know too for that matter
lotttieeee...
WHOO---?
JAVI????????????????????????
VAN!!!!!!
well that was fun. i hope i can get some caps out of this ep if i can get around 2 it.<3
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since you've seen catws over 30 times, can you give a summary of the plot? I've actually seen the movie multiple times, but gun to my head I cannot explain the flow of events. I press play and am transported to pure vibes. so i'd like to consider you an expert and helo me with my dilema.
this is so funny yeah i can try. edit: essentially this is not a summary i realized three paragraphs in that i am delivering a play by play with commentary of everything that happens in this movie. im still doing it though sorry
so basically steve has been adjusting to life in the 21st century and is really struggling with it. hes moved to dc to work for shield, which he understands to be a department that helps folks (which is a dumb thing to assume of any government affiliated organization LOL they were also majorly manipulating him on top of that from the get go so double whammy but ya ya i digress) while on a run, he makes friends with sam wilson, who unlike basically anyone else in the 21st century so far is the only guy to treat him as a normal guy/what he actually is (a veteran w ptsd that 1 lost his best friend 2 has been thrown into a whole new world with no help at all and that the war was literally like what? barely 2 years ago for him?)
anyway after he meets sam he is picked up by nat and they go on a mission with brock rumlow and several shield agents. this mission takes place on a ship in the middle of the ocean where several shield agents are being held hostage by french speaking terrorist dudes. steve (the smart cookie) is like why the hell are shield guys in the middle of the ocean? anyway he thinks hes leading this mission (he is not) and tells everyone what to do to save these hostages (which isnt even the actual mission at all). inevitably this comes to light when he sees nat trying to save some data from the ships computers, as that was HER secret mission. steve is fucking pissed as hell about this and then they got blown up and shit by the french pirates. they get out fine tho
moving on steve confronts fury like. why the hell are the people IM trying to lead being given different info and instructions than me? and fury is like let me tell u about something. and then he tells them about project insight, which is this thing that shield is planning to launch that will be able to basically insta kill any body in the entire world they identify as a threat (threat being vague enough bc well as we can see we learned nothing from basically any part of history at all) before the person can act on their "intended crimes". steve is pissed again bc like who are these guys to determine who is a "threat"? how do you define that? like his iconic line here (iconic 2 me that is) is him saying "this isnt freedom this is fear" cause like it is. losers
and moving on from that we've got a kind of suspicious fury trying to decrypt the data he had nat retrieve. this is presumably bc fury as we know is apparently 5 steps ahead of every fucking body and was already having some concerns about project insight (which again i must say as an aside. any normal person would be concerned.). fury being the head of shield is one of the only individuals who should have total clearance on all shield decisions and projects etc. however, he finds that he does NOT have clearance to access this data. he takes this concern to alexander pierce, the secretary of state is like omg weird :) how weird bro sure i can ask about delaying the project but if ur asking me bro i dont think the other govt bigwigs we got in on this will want to!
anyway moving on once more fury is officially like ok wtf is going on. and is going to meet up with hill. BUT THEN. explody violence killing blah blah blah all these cops and swat members are after him! HIM! HEAD OF SHIELD! how strange! and furys like doin all this shit trying to escape but then his car gets exploded. and oh shit. theres this guy. hes got a mask on. HE WAS THE ONE THAT EXPLODED THE CAR! and hes kind of sexy. and hes approaching. and fury the crazy bitch has used some sort of laser cutter thing to carve a hole through the ground and escape. the absolute legend.
cut to steve going home. he runs into his neighbor who has told him that hes a nurse or some shit. he flirts with her bc hes trying to make a normal life for himself i guess and do normal girl things like date. anyway neighbor girl is like oh btw i think u left or record player on? music has been playing for a while and shit. and steve is immediately like omg rly haha? BUT HE KNOWS HE DIDNT LEAVE THAT SHIT ON BRO! HE KNOWS. and he enters with his guard all up and BOOM theres fury. steve is like wtf are you doing here??? and fury is like SHHHH. bro things are happening its crazy. shield compromised, eyes everywhere, people are listening, the whole shebang man. and steve is like???? wtf dude? and fury gives him a flash drive. AND THEN FURY IS SHOT THROUGH THE WINDOW. CRAZY AS HELL. and NEIGHBOR LADY BREAKS IN. TURNS OUT SHES NOT NEIGHBOR LADY. SHES A SHIELD OPERATIVE THAT IS COVERTLY ASSIGNED TO PROTECT STEVE.
now we got steve chasing over the assailant with his cool tell them im in pursuit line. steve chases this dude across buildings and shit and throws his shield at him when they reach the end of a rooftop. then HOLY FUCK THE GUY. HES CAUGHT THE SHIELD. THIS DUDE JUST CAUGHT A VIBRANIUM SHIELD WITH A COOL ROBOT ARM! OK!
moving on fury is on the operating table and he straight up dies there with maria and nat and steve watching. and i dont wanna look it up but i think here is when steve hides the flash drive in a vending machine behind some gum for some fucking reason. why the hell that would be a good place to hide it idk. anyway steve is summoned to pierce and pierce with his robert redford charm is like so :) anything u wanna tell me. and steve is like. :) no lol. and then he leaves and we’ve got the cool ass elevator scene where steve is with an elevator full of hydra agents and has to fight them all, including brock rumlow from the hostage ship scene at the beginning. he escapes and goes back to get the flash drive and nat has gotten it and blows a bubble in his face cause shes sexy like that. and they have their little moment where he shoves her against a wall and is all up in her face being like WHAT DO YOU KNOW WHATS GOING ON. and nat reveals that she knows who the guy is. the winter soldier. she met him on a mission where she was trying to protect some dude and the WS shot the person THROUGH HER. bye bye bikinis she quips. dw nat ur still sexy 2 me.
they leave and essentially go to a mall have their fake/pretend relationship ao3 moment and use a mall tech shop computer to figure out whats on the flashdrive, which is coordinates to a base. steve is like uMMMMM WTF. I DID BASIC THERE. and they go and discover that theres a SECRET SHIELD BUNKER WITH THIS HUGE ANCIENT ASS SUPERCOMPUTER. AND TO MAKE IT WORSE ON THE COMPUTER IS THE STORED CONSCIOUSNESS OF ARNIM ZOLA NAZI HYDRA SCIENTIST. and zola tells them he was recruited by shield where he helped secretly embed hydra iinto the entirety of the organization and the WS was an assassin they used to kill ppl like howard stark. and then a missile tries to blow them up after zolas gotten out enough cheeky lines and they barely escape with their lives
then: ENTER BIG SEXY. its sam wilsons time to fucking shine when nat and steve go to him for help. sam is like alright lets go and they get his falcon suit. they go and nab jasper sitwell a hydra mole and make him reveal hydra info, ie that hydra has been collecting info on threats to their evil doings (hello duh). then theyre driving and WHAM goodbye sitwell, motherfuckers yanked out the car by the WS. cue huge epic fight scene, best in the mcu if you ask me, where steve and WS end up going head to head and he accidentally rips WS' mask off, revealing BUCKY BARNES, the supposed to be dead bestie of steve rogers. steve says bucky? bucky says. who the hell is bucky? with his sexy underused voice. my beloved.
anyway steve is in an extreme state of shock and bucky, unnerved, runs, and steve sam and nat are all arrested. steve has his new mission acquired moment whereas nat and sam are like man idk.... hes kind of yknow a renowned insane murder machine. steve is like you literally do not get it. hes my fucking cinnamon apple you assholes. i will kill this whole world for him. and they are like damn steve ok AND THEN. VIOLENCE IN THE FUCKING SWAT VEHICLE WHEN ONE SWAT MEMBER STARTS ATTACKA KILLING THE OTHER ONES. and boom thats actually maria hill in disguise. shes like whats up yall. theyre like um. anyway she takes them to FURY, who is ACTUALLY STILL ALIVE AND JUST FAKED HIS DEATH. fury is like you guys have to stop this shit. here are some chips to replace the ones on the helicarriers that will fuck up hydras plans and make the helicarriers only target each other
anyway buckys back with hydra being like um did yall see that? he knew me. and theyre all like gaslight gaslight gaslight brainwash electro shock blah blah blah
moving on its time to fuck shit up. the world security council has shown up to see to the launch of project insight. except NAT IS ONE OF THE WSC IN DISGUISE and she disarms pierce. then fury shows up like hiiii hello in a way that actually doesnt feel super dramatic cause they watch him land and then walk all the way inside like ok. by the time hes there not even super anticlimactic but whatever. anyway fury makes pierce leak all of shields classified info (including nat’s criminal past as part of the red room but shes like its fine its necessary etc) so that ppl know about hydra. and fury shoots and kills pierce bye bye pierce
steve is at this time recruiting all the “good” shield guys and fighting all the hydra agents with sam while trying to get to the helicarriers. they get the first two no prob but before they can do the third one bucky shows up newly mindwiped and fights them super much. he destroys sams suit leaving the fight to just buck and steve. meanwhile brock and sam are fighting slash running and this ends with brock getting exploded to shit and sam jumping into a helicopter to escape from the building. meanwhile bucky and steve are still on the third helicarrier. steve is like babe this isnt u…… come back 2 me……. im with u til the end of the line……. and refuses to fight back and buck is like UMMM WHAT THE FUCK. SHUT THE HELL UP YOU WEIRDO STOP TALKING IM FREAKIN OUT and beats steve the fuck up. during this fight the ship is exploded and steve falls off the ship and into the potomac with bucky watching him fall with his fist raised to land another punch
cut to steve going super under semi unconscious about to fucking drown and someone pulls him out. OH LOOK ITS BUCKY. oh damn hes leaving steve on the shore. goodbye bucky.
now we cut to all the hydra agents being arrested and nat appearing before court for her red room crimes. she is like you wont fucking arrest me you need me. im sexy and competent and you all suck. and theyre all like. yeah ok shes got a point. fury fucking burns all his shit and decides to go hunting hydra in europe, presumed dead by the world. sam is like heyyy steve. whats up. steve is like well. i know he just fucked me up but im gonna go find bucky. i gotta bc i am gay and in love with him and stuff. and sam is like damn. fine ill go too then. meanwhile brock is revealed to have lived though severely burned in the hospital
i am ignoring the mid credits scene bc i fucking hate that stupid bullshit. post credit scene slays though bc its bucky visiting his own memorial in the smithsonian and him being like well damn that is me. ok.
anyway thats the movie. this is long as hell but frankly thats bc i am still insane about catws to this day unfortunately. goodbye
#hope none of this is out of order i actually havent watched it in like a year but i think i retained it pretty well anyway#wa
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and here we go again, another special day, so happy birthday nat @gimbapchefs !! the loveliest funniest warmest scorpio, another october baby, only a week apart, so hi be warned of the sappiness <3
dude, babe, (yes i’m calling u both), it’s been over a whole year already since we met and formed a wonderful friendship; ik we haven’t spoken in a while but can hopefully invigorate the dry dms 🫶🏼 even tho it’s been some time, ur still counted as one of my closest friends to come out of being in this army life, and our countless conversations about the tannies and life in general always hold a deep place in my heart 🧡 still haven’t forgotten about our mutual love for soju aksjksj so have a drink on me to celebrate; i’ll be having one in ur honor all the way from down under 🥂
i will say, ur very much missed here, on this site, seeing your hilarious tags and beautiful sets and perhaps you’ll come back one day (to see this letter which i’ll let u know about after posting 🤪), ur limited presence is felt but i hope life is treating u so fucking well and that ur the happiest you’ve ever been bc u absolutely deserve it 😘 when i think of u, it brings back memories of streaming in the soop and run behind in the black swan server; oh what FUN we had during those nights, tho afternoons for me bc timezones suck ass 😭 those hours spent together were so lovely, so sweet and make me smile whenever they pop up in my head; and honestly makes me miss u a lot, and hoping we can make more memories like that in the future ! which leads me to the possible seoul trip next year with kris !! still unsure if ur down for it but if u are, without a doubt, we’ll all be planning it and fingers crossed, meeting in such a place where seven boys brought us together, and get to give u that big hug, to make up for all the days and night we couldn’t 💜
to sum it up, i just really love u and really care about u and am so grateful to know u, and be a part of ur life and u be a part of mine ! and u are in my thoughts always, praying ur smiling, or finding a new food u enjoy, or are out and about with friends laughing, and just genuinely living every day to the fullest ✨ and it’s so good to see u popping into both servers every now and again, u see how we all show up to scream hi at u 🥰 to know ur doing good and being cute as hell as per usual (ur supertuna costume with lil rj had me SOBBING GIRL OMG) is a pleasure to see 🥺 may all ur dreams come to fruition this year, may u have more glorious moments and remember how adored u truly are 💖 alright i’m going to stop now but again happy birthday babes !! pls have the most amazing day, i love love u endlessly 😚🫰🏼🎁😇💛 xxx
#okay ik ur not here but i WILL alert u to this post lmao ily#hope u feel super happy and loved today nat bb !!!#nat 💌#moots 🍝
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ASSUMPTIONS GAME!!!! heheh hohoho <3 okay idk how interesting any of these will be i am just going with my first instinct for each, LET'S GO
a few assumptions. i would do more but i have soup brain:
Nat's hair is very soft to the touch, but he doesn't like it when people try to test that theory.
Quinn has committed tax fraud.
Zeke does not have a consistent sleep schedule, and it's a miracle if she goes to bed at a reasonable time.
Alex is the kind of person who looks nice in any outfit it tries on. No one knows how it does it.
hehehehe thank u for the ask!!!!!! >:3c 💛💛💛
also. you 🤝 me: soup brain
fellow soup brain.... I feel you..... my brain is currently a delicious french onion soup how about yours
anyway!!
Nat: "Oh! Um, well, people tell me my hair is super soft and nice to touch when I actually look after it... I can get kinda lazy with my hair, don't wash it much, let it get all oily and gross... But recently Quinn got me this expensive strawberry shampoo as a gift, so I've been trying to make an effort! I know they spent forever picking out something with a nice gentle scent for me. My hair is so soft and good at the moment! You can confirm for yourself if you want! Touch it, touch it, touch it. Everyone has permission to touch my hair. And play with it. And stroke it. Maybe while I curl up and take a nap. Tell your friends."
Quinn: "I am committing tax fraud as we speak."
Zeke: "There is a reliable pattern to my sleep schedule, thank you very much. Not my fault it's incomprehensible to everyone but me. And whether or not 4:30am is a reasonable time is a matter of perspective! But... look, chronic illness is a bitch, okay? I either sleep too much or not at all. It's cool, though. Vampire hunting and novel writing aren't really 9 to 5 jobs, so it's not like I'd be able to keep a normal sleep pattern even if my body let me."
Alex: "Oh, you flatter me. Thank you. Confidence is key, really! But even then, I don't look nice in every outfit I try on. That's an exaggeration." (Important note: this statement from Alex is immediately met with much objection and protest from the entire rest of the gang. Alex somehow looks flawless in every outfit it tries on.)
ty for the ask Multi!!! :D!! I hope your day is going well!
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hmmm top 5 favourite cr campaign moments? 👀 from any campaign or from ur choice
!!
This is Long because I Cannot not gush
1) The Cathedral in Campaign 2! The fucking AESTHETICS, the DRAMA, Caleb smashing the window, Yasha nearly killing Beau, Pumat Swole, the shift from glorious cathedral and stained glass down into the bowls of the building, Matt and Ashley's HDYWTDT. It's beautiful and hits so emotionally hard and I simply adore it
2) All of The Fancy and the Fooled, but lets say the party + After especially. Fancy formal dress Mighty Nein is Divine, for one! The Bjreaus jamming out to the Ruby of the Sea's performance while Beau trips balls, locking out the creepy fuck on a balcony 2 electric boogaloo, the maneuvering to get Essek out of there and confront him, and the incredible Shakespeare Liam fuckin OBrian brought when Essek was finally cornered? "You were not born with venome in your veins, you learned it"??? Hi hello?? And ofc Welcome to the Mighty Nein ;;;;;
Also, Fancy and the Fooled was the first episode I ever caught live, and I watched it with @insyndiar, so itll also be special to me for that reason <33
3) The conversation with Syldor in Heredity and Hats. Everything - Laura fuckin Bailey's incredible emotional range, "If I could pull the blood of you from my veins and give it back, I would. I want no part of you", the contrast between Vax and Vex, how Tal tests the waters for titling at intervals prior during the conversation, The Title, "So good sir, despite your relationship with her, do watch your manners", the Literal Mic Drop. The meaning of the moment too, with the Twins confronting their father and letting him have it, and how it ties into Percy and Vex's convo the night before and he found just the perfect way to support Vex in this time (and show he loves her because Oh Shit he Loves Her). And how giddy she is to bring up her new title for the rest of the episode!!
Ok this is getting hard now Fuck
4) Can I just put all the moments between Imogen and Laudna after storm nightmares here? Hell lets include those nightmares, too. The panic and fear and frustration Laura brings to the table, every time, every fucking time, the imagery, the desperation. And how Laudna is so gentle and supportive and just *there* and their dynamic is so soft and strained and im. So excited for Imogen's first nightmare after their fallout last episode because i love them but they need a dose of Angst
5) The Hag. Just. What everyone offered, how much we can speculate about those that didn't get to offer anything? Beau had me devastated, because she was regressing and Marisha was so cmearly mourning potentially losing her character,,,, Yasha going in right after Beau bc she just realized she loved her not long ago, NOTT OFFERING TO RESTART THE WAR?? FUCKER?? And of course Jester's incredible fucking power play because Laura Bailey wins at D&D
Honorable mentions:
- Saying bye to Frumpkin :c because my childhood cat was a white tomcat and he just left one day (keep your cats inside people please). I started bawling 30 minutes into the 7 hour episode boy it was A Time
- Nonagon final battle, just. Holy shit. Everything. Marine layer, Beau's double nat twenties, 'Caleb they need you', almost got a mind controlled Essek, the heals the love the fear the horror visuals ughhh
- Kaylie revealing her identity and Scanlan's reaction
- 'darling take off the mask' 👁👄👁
- the escape from the King's Cage
- inviting Essek for dinner and the hot tub
- "do you want to talk before or after"
- Sunken Tomb :))
- Jester wingmanning Yasha / Beau tripping on Yasha / The Poem
- I could beee herrrr Beacon
- Vex testing out the broom (especially when Percy freaks out over it being unsafe)
- Wall of Fire
- Three orcas chasing Avantika
- Keg <33
- when Beau and Caleb act like siblings, or Vex and Vax do <3
@fatal-blow fuck u <3
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Hello you mrs. honey nut cheerio lefty eyebag 😅
Happy new year! 💥🎉🎆
I am doing okay. My last day was mostly filled with cleaning and making jello shots for today lol I was so tired I didn't stay up til midnight.
I love to drink, but I don't know why it just never happens on new years eve. I know in the past when I was younger, there was always alcohol involved.
How about you? How was your last day of 2022? Did you have fun with your cousin? Did you get a lot of goodies from your sister?
Haha spoiler alert. Thanks, now I don't need to watch those movies cause you just told me the whole plot 😂 just kidding.
I agree, I think I didn't even watch the 3rd movie because it didn't have her in it lol I haven't watched Disobedience yet but I heard it was a good movie. But yeah Rachel McAdams and Jessica Alba have been my celebrity crushes of all time.
Also, since you brought up Natasha's hair style, I did not like her look in Captain America Winter Soldier. The straight her was just weird on her for me hahaha even on infinity war when she dyed it and cut it short.. I wasn't a big fan.
I hope you don't get a bad headache or anything after drinking last night!
Okay, next question would be... what are 3 movies or show that remind you of your life in highschool.
-CuriousGeorge
Hello hello you sleepy in new year eve righty eyebag! 😅
Happy new year darling! I hope this year is better than 2022.
Wait, u gonna have jello shots? I thought u work today? Sorry if im wrong.
Ah okay..thats funny actually that u happen not drinking every new year.
Yesterday was fun, we went to eat sushi n ramen at my cousin's husband workplace.. we took a nap. Most importantly, i took a nap for almost 2 hours without any interuption. So it was good. Then at night we had a very good mexican food.
Then we all watched Glass Onion movie. Oh my god, that movie is sooo good while having some sake. Have u watch it yet?
I had like 6 shots of sake n the sake was so good. One of the best sake i hv had. It was so smooth.
Yeah i got bunch of goodies from my sister, i mostly got spicy chilli from there, coffee, some chrystals, n clothes.
Haha i still watched the third movie n i think the actress wasnt good as Rachel Weisz.
Oh u should watch Disobedience. It has good story. Oh n their sex scene.. dear lord, it was so hot.😅🤣
Haha good choices on the celeb crush.
Ah okay, Nat's hair in civil war is not as good as the other of her hair, but it's still better than the first time she appears in mcu movie. She still look pretty, but u can see it's a wig.haha.
My favorite her os hers is the one on age of ultron. Which one is urs?
No, i didnt get hangover which is awesome! Maybe because of how smooth the sake is.
I dont think i can remember well which movie that reminds me of highschool. But i will let u know when i recall any.what about u?
Next question?
Cheerio!
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Smile as they Bow by Nu Nu Yi
“I’m so tired. I’m dying. He tried to kill me.”
“What?” Min Min turns and glares. “You shame me and ruin my life, and now you accuse me? Typical meinmasha lies. Either you keep me under the covers or you keep me under lock and key like a common criminal. Like I’m stealing from you.”
“Oh, you know all about us meinmashas, do you?” The feisty old Bond Girl sits up. “If we’re as bad as all that, why stay with me? Nobody forced you.”
“Back then I didn’t know a thing. And once I did, I didn’t want to stay.”
“So you don’t want to stay anymore? Now that you’ve eaten your fill of fatty flesh. You kick an old lady in the chest and you’re off with some tender teen?”
“Yes, I’ve found myself a wife. I’m going to get married.”
Min Min has never been so blunt. Daisy just stares at him, tears streaming down his cheeks. “No, you can’t get married. You must love me,” sobs Daisy, hugging Min Min from behind. “Don’t you love me anymore? I can’t live without you. I’ll die if you leave me. You’ll just have to kill me.”
“Oh, stop it.” Min Min turns and stares at Daisy’s crazed face running with red and blue and black makeup. “You say you love me. Did you ever think about things from my side? Do you realize how people see you meinmashas? They fear you, they loathe you. You disgust them. They avoid you when they see a meinmasha coming. Nobody wants you, not even your relations. Do you ever think how hard it is for me to go around with someone of the same sex? Do you realize how much courage it takes for me to stay with a meinmasha? You treat me like I’m living under your skirt. Well, maybe I am, but I don’t drink all the time or demand fancy things. I work hard for my meals and my clothes. I help out a lot, I even take care of your skirts. Is that man’s work? I can say this because I feel a kinship to you—not love or affection or desire. Maybe I felt those things when I was young and innocent, but now I know different. You’re more like a brother or uncle. Now I want to get married, so please, let me go.”
Daisy is afraid to look at Min Min. He’s always done as he was told and never complained. “What have I done wrong? What have I ever done to you?”
“What have you done? What haven’t you done? You know you’re always saying, Never hurt anyone. Anger goes away, but hurt never heals. U Ba Si, you’ve hurt me so many times I can’t even begin to count. You shame me in front of people. You swear at me in the middle of the fairway for any little thing that displeases you. You slap me on the cheek. Without any grounds, you accuse me of sleeping with whores, pull me out of other nat huts and parade my guilt around the whole festival. You shout me down, Thief, thief! Or have you forgotten? I was going to catch a bus to see my mother. This ring, this gold ring, remember? You told me not to wear it when I went to visit her because you were worried my poor mother might steal it. No, I begged you, I just wanted to look respectable. I promised nothing would happen to it. But you chased after me, shouting, Anyone who takes my things without permission is a thief! A gold ring thief! I remember it all. I remember everything you did to hurt me.”
“I did it because I love you. I shamed you so you’d never do it again. Forget it already. What have I done to you lately? I gave you everything I have, right?”
“Your trusted slave. You had me scrimp and save every little scrap of food and clothing, that was your rule. And then I had to show you a list of everything I used.”
“You were a simple country boy. You didn’t even know how to fudge a list, you showed me an accurate inventory.”
“I learned to lie because of you. You screwed me up.”
“Okay, you win. Have your victory. I’m the villain.”
“You’re not losing much. You only paid five hundred kyats.”
“Five hundred kyats was only the beginning. I paid with my heart. This heart of mine, that’s my base cost. If I forfeit that, what’s my life worth? I’m as good as dead.” Daisy wheezes in anguish. “The way you talk, I’d have to ask your forgiveness for loving you.”
Smile as they Bow by Nu Nu Yi begins with the many different perspectives of people gathering around the Taungbyon nat festival, an event that has become one of the most well known in and outside the country of Myanmar. Especially focused on a natkadaw (literally ‘lord consort’ spirit medium) and meinmasha (old term with no encompassing equivalent loosely idea of another gender, transvestism, effeminate homosexual male) in his fifties U Ba Si, known as Daisy Bond (who was based on a real person). Along with the younger assistant/slave/reluctant husband Min Min, now in his 20s, who at 16 was bought from his poor mother by Daisy. Min Min’s infatuation with a singing beggar girl proves a hazardous distraction during the hectic days.
Unsurprisingly in 1994 when the story was originally written the totalitarian military junta government took issue with several aspects of its subject matter. The manuscript underwent a repressive censorship pen. So, it was some time before policies would shift and the novel could appear as fully intended. Next catching a different spotlight as well in 2008 with a significant English translation by Thi Thi Aye and Alfred Birnbaum. A truly lean, reflective, and vibrant book, it is one that a reader will benefit from knowing beforehand some about animism, astrology, gender and sexuality as they pertain to the also shifting cultural traditions in Myanmar. (The journal article Transgender, Transgression, and Translation: A Cartography of "Nat Kadaws": Notes on Gender and Sexuality within the Spirit Cult of Burma by Tamara C. Ho is a good place to start.) Nu Nu Yi is described as a socially conscious writer and this her fifteenth novel indeed touches on issues of marginalization, stigmatization, and commodification. Underneath the holiday environment, performances, and verbal banter there’s more fronts, mistruth along with melancholy to the characters.
Smile as they Bow is very much a novel that reveals limits not only in literary freedom and expression. But the paths that can be made or that are made for one in life, too under what is permissible or inhibited.
Smile as they Bow by Nu Nu Yi is available in English translated by Thi Thi Aye and Alfred Birnbaum, in print (OOP ISBN: 9781401303372) and digital from Hyperion
#smile as they bow#nu nu yi#burmese literature#wit month#beat the backlist#cw: adult/minor relationship cursing emotional and physical abuse homophobia transphobia slavery toxic relationship#cw: mentions of abandonment alcoholism confinement colonization infidelity parent death police brutality
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Daisy
pairing: bucky x reader
warnings: pregnancy pregnancy pregnancy! ummmm like hint of abortion. smut. angst. fluff. it’s a lot. like hint of character death. happy ending!
summary: bucky gets you pregnant. complications ensue?
a/n: please don’t come at me for my lack of knowledge around pregnancy, you can fill in the blanks however u like!
(gif not mine!)
At the sound of your Seaside alarm, your eyes shoot open. You inhale a large breath and stretch, a difficult activity whilst in bed tangled up in both the blankets and your boyfriends legs.
Bucky groans as you shift, your alarm waking him up as well. He didn’t know what time it was, but he knew that it was too early.
Leaning over to your phone, he pressed the snooze button and silenced the tiny machine, sighing in content at the lack of noise.
He tightens his grip around you, pulling you closer to him and nuzzling his face in your hair.
And as much as you love it. As much as you would love to spend eternity in bed with Bucky, you knew Steve would have a fit if you were late for another mission.
“Bucky.” You groan, trying to wiggle out of his hold with no luck.
“Mm.” He all but mumbles, eyes still shut and seemingly tightening his grip around you, locking you in.
“I have to get up.”
“Too early.” He grunts, shifting his head down from your neck to your chest, his favourite pillow, “Your heart sounds weird.”
“I have a mission.” You start prying him off of you, ignoring his attempt to change the subject.
“I’ll kill Steve one day.” He huffs out, lingering hands wandering all over you, “He never gives us anymore missions together.” Grabbing your wrist, he pulls you back down, pressing kisses to your arm, “Five more minutes.”
“No!”
You finally manage to slip out of his grip and run to the shower. As you shut the door behind you and lock it, not taking any chances, you hear him let out a loud groan.
After showering, you got into your combat suit and slicked your hair back out of your face. The mission shouldn’t be too difficult. After all it was just you, Sam, Nat and Steve.
Upon exiting the bathroom, Bucky was still in bed. His head lifted at the sound of you and, being the big baby he is, made grabby hands at you as he realised you were about to depart for your mission.
You lifted a leg to rest on the bed as you peppered his face with kisses, before reaching his lips and placing one big, chaste kiss there.
As you pulled away to finally leave, he got ahold of your wrist and pulled you back, “Another.” You rolled your eyes and innocently pressed your lips to his. Unbeknownst to you, he would turn into a (one-sided) heated make out.
“Let’s go!” Steve smacks the door frame of the room as he passes by, not bothering to look in because he knew he wouldn’t be pleased with what he saw. He learned that the hard way.
“Coming!” You yell back, over your shoulder.
“Oh really?” Bucky smirks, not loosening his grip on you as you struggle against him.
“Bucky!” Sam calls scoldingly, allowing you to spring free of his grip as he focuses his attention on Sam. You grab your holster from the bedside table with both your favourite knife and gun that you brought on every mission as you pass by Sam at your door, who’s still looking at Bucky with a disgusted half-joking scowl, “Nasty.”
-
The mission wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t the best either.
Well, you don’t actually remember that much due to the fact that you were knocked out cold when you had accidentally set off an explosion that flew you about 5 metres backwards into a solid, brick wall.
According to Steve, the very same explosives were laid out all across the base and were really just used as booby traps so no other fatal injuries.
You were just unfortunate to be the first one to discover the explosive, first hand, up close and personal.
You regained consciousness back on the Quinjet and ever since then you were fine. But of course, Steve, not wanting to take any risks with Bucky, insisted you go to Banner and make sure you were okay.
But it didn’t matter. When he came to the common area after the mission in hopes to find you with the others and saw that you weren’t there and everyone had offered him nervous glances, he knew something was wrong. More specifically, he knew something was wrong with you.
“Where is she?” He immediately asks.
“I made her go to medical-“ Bucky didn’t even hear the rest of Steve’s sentence before he was storming off to the medical wing.
Bursting through the door of the only unoccupied room that he assumed was yours, relief washed over him when he saw you alive and seemingly well on the bed.
“Oh my god. What happened?” He cupped your face, examining the few cuts that littered it.
“It’s nothing. Buck-“ You grab his hands that cup your face, unable to contain your smile.
“Your chart said head trauma, wh-“
“I’m fine, honey-“
“Why are you the only one hurt? Oh my God, your head-“
“James.” You say, more sternly now to get his attention, “Will you listen to me?”
“I’m listening.” He seems to settle now, his hands leaving your face and intertwining with your hands.
“Banner ran some tests to check my vitals and everything.” You started, “Took some blood tests.” He nodded, following along. Your smile widens, one hand coming up to move the hair out of his face and behind his ear, “Bucky, I’m pregnant.” The worried look on his face morphs into disbelief…. for a moment you’re worried he’s upset, until you move one of his hands over your stomach.
He looks down, then looks back up and smiles with a breathy laugh, “Really?”
“Really.” You nod in confirmation, “We’re gonna have a baby.” You smile, unable to hold back the tears that now spill over your bottom lash.
Bucky’s thoughts run a mile per second. He’s filled with so many different emotions, some worse than others, but all he can do at that moment is kiss you. He can barely do that because he’s smiling so hard but he manages anyway.
He’s going to be a dad.
Steve and Sam watch from afar, on the other side of the glass window looking into the room you and Bucky were both in.
“What about the serum?” Sam asks, almost reading Steve’s mind.
Steve sighs a heavy sigh, pursing his lips almost sympathetically, “Just let them have their moment. We’ll talk about it later.”
-
When Banner had given you the okay to leave, you went straight to your shared bedroom with Bucky to have a bath. A much needed one at that.
Bucky left you to it, knowing how much you loved your baths. While he waited, he cleaned up the room a bit, simultaneously clearing his mind with all his thoughts.
The emotions that ran through him in the past hour were: happiness, fear, guilt and worry. The only one he showed was the first. The other three were deep down in the pit of his stomach.
Though this was all he could ever dream of, he couldn’t help but fear of the reality of it all- at least his reality of it. Was he going to be a good father? What if he hurt the child? What happens when the child grows up to learn about all the things he’s done? What if the child is scared of him?
Bucky wouldn’t blame them. Even he was scared of himself. How you weren’t was a complete mystery to him. And you- what if you don’t think he’s a good father?
All this thinking clouded his mind and seemingly blocked his ears, as Steve’s hand on his shoulder gave him a small fright.
“Buck.” Bucky now realises he’s sat on the bed, staring aimlessly out the window of the bedroom. He looks up at Steve, who offers a sympathetic smile, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Yeah.” Bucky stands and follows Steve out of the bedroom.
He takes him down to Tony’s lab where Banner and Tony stand together. Confused, Bucky looks to Steve in hopes of an explanation.
Steve begins, knowing how exactly to talk and explain the predicament in a considerate manner- something Tony is most likely incapable of doing.
“When you were injected with the serum, it obviously affected a lot of things in your body… including your male reproductive cells.” As Steve pauses, Bucky’s face kind of drops at the steady realisation. How he didn’t even think of the fact that the serum had an impact on pregnancy was beyond him. He guessed he was just too happy to think about it. “Buck, it’s unclear the dangers this may present to Y/N during her pregnancy. There’s never really been a super soldier baby before. Y/N is probably the first person to ever give birth to one.”
“Dangers?”
“The baby could be bigger than normal, just like how you and me are different to normal humans, the baby would be stronger than the average infant.” Steve explains, “It could grow faster. In terms of Y/N, the contractions may be worse, the pushing may be worse, the amount of energy Y/N has to put in to delivering- and possibly simply carrying- that baby is going to be a lot.”
Bucky’s mind almost spiralled at all of the circumstances Steve had listed. Though nearly ever factor began with ‘could’ or ‘may’, the sheer possibility of it all was enough to make Bucky concerned.
There’s a silence as Bucky visibly thinks to himself. Brows furrowed, arms crossed over his chest. “So what, we can’t have the baby?”
Steve sighs, before nodding his head, “It would be the safest option… at least until we get more information.”
Bucky just shakes his head. As if his mind wasn’t already dealing with enough, now this. Despite the part of him that doubted his ability to raise a child, the idea that it’s now taken away from him pains him. And you, how you’re gonna handle the news that you can no longer have the baby that you’re so excited for. God, you were so excited. “What if… we could just make sure she’s comfortable. Keep her in medical when it gets too difficult on her own.” The hesitant faces of Banner and Steve causes Bucky to slowly lose hope, “There has to be a way, you guys are the experts.”
“Yeah, we are the experts. So when the time comes and that baby kills your girlfriend, don’t say we didn’t tell you so.” Tony retorts.
Steve gives him a stern look and mutters a small ‘Tony’ under his breath. Things with Bucky and Tony were still rough, but perhaps it was a good thing for Tony to give Bucky the harsh truth.
Bucky’s heart drops to the pit of his stomach, “Kill?”
“It could kill her.” Tony confirms, surrendering his harsh tone to a more professional one, “The sheer complication of birthing a super soldier baby could kill her in the process of the childbirth. She could die from high blood pressure, blood loss.”
“But, Buck, for all we know, the pregnancy could be like any other pregnancy- maybe we just have to induce early labour or perform a C-section. Nobody really knows.” Steve adds. At least that gives Bucky a slither of hope.
“There’s nothing you can do?” Bucky asks, not even hiding the plea in his voice as he looks between all three, Steve, Tony and Banner.
“We could do some blood tests and scans…” Banner suggests, “But it’d need to happen fast, and they’d have to be done regularly. This can only be done if Y/N is okay with it.”
Even at the tiniest, smallest possibility that you could successfully have the baby, Bucky is hopeful. “Okay.” He nods, “Please, yes, anything you want. I’ll talk to her.”
“But, I can’t make any promises.”
-
Your bedroom door opening shifted your attention away from the tv screen that currently played Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
You smiled brightly up at the father of your child and shifted in the bed to make room for him as he joined you, “Where’d you go?” You ask, having gotten out of the bath to an empty bedroom and figured he just went down to the common area or something.
“Just had a talk with Steve.” He grasped your hand and pressed small kisses to it. “Miss me?”
“Of course.” He laid to rest against his pillow and your curled up beside him.
He felt a little tense. It wasn’t an uncommon observation. The old guy had a lot on his mind at all times, especially in the night.
And you weren’t surprised it was happening again tonight. You were actually quite shocked he was as ‘calm’ as he was.
You never really interrupted his thoughts when he went through them. Just gave him soothing rubs on chest while he zoned out in thought. He would talk when he was ready.
So, while you waited, you watched the movie. It’s as your favourite of the series probably… or maybe prisoner of azkaban… or half blood prince. They weren’t exactly the happier films of the series, but that’s probably what made them so good. That, and the seriously attractive cast-
“Are you scared?” You’re broken out of your own thoughts by Bucky. You looked up at him and came to your senses at the feeling of him softly caressing your stomach.
“A little,” You admitted. Maybe it hadn’t hit you yet, but you weren’t as nervous as you would’ve thought you would be. You accepted the whole thing pretty quickly, and you were yet to have any doubts… yet, “But I know we’re gonna be the best parents ever.” You reassured him, and he smiled down at you, “And I had an epiphany.”
“Enlighten me.”
“This morning, when you said my heart sounded weird.” You started, playing with the fabric of his shirt, “Maybe because there were two.” You bit your lip to contain your smile, but failed as it spread from ear to ear.
Bucky’s heart fluttered at the thought. It was probably true. He wasn’t lying this morning when he had said it, your heart genuinely sounded strange… and now that he thinks about it, it did sound like an another… like your heart was echoing faintly.
He could listen to your heart beat forever and a day. The day he no longer would… at the expense of the baby, Bucky was unsure he would ever forgive himself.
“What’s wrong?” His train of thought must have been evident on his face due to her question and furrowed brows.
He hesitated before he spoke, going over the right words, “Did you ever think about the fact that the baby… the serum…” It was no use however, as he ended up kind of just spewing out key words. You furrowed your brows even deeper, opting for him to elaborate, “I mean, how me being a super soldier could also make the baby one as well.”
Understanding now, you offer a reassuring smile, “Is that such a bad thing?”
You weren’t getting it, Bucky thought. You thought this was an insecurity thing, that he was worried about the child growing up as a super human among all the other ‘normal’ kids. Well- he was worried about that too. But not as much as the other thing.
He shook his head, “Tony and Banner said that…” He looked to the fingers that you hand entwined your own fingers with in an attempt to sooth him, “They said that the birth might be difficult for you.” He explained, “The baby will be bigger than normal and obviously stronger. It’ll grow faster and when you’re in labour, it’s gonna.. it’s gonna be a lot.”
“If it grows faster then that just means it’s gonna be here sooner.” You tell him reassuringly, offering a smile and a small laugh. But Bucky wasn’t laughing.
“Y/N…” He shook his head once more, and your smiled faded, “I just- I can’t bare to see you go through that.”
At his words, your heart crept up in your throat. You didn’t even notice how your hand had retreated from his own and how you were now sitting up- seemingly to get further away from him as you asked the question, “Do you not want me to have the baby?”
“I never said that-“
“Well then tell me what you want to tell me because I don’t know what you’re trying to get at-“
Bucky now sat up, grabbing at your frantic hands in order to ground you, “The baby could kill you.” You paused in your sentence- and seemingly your breathing as well, “Tony said it’ll be too much for you to handle and you could die.” You could only really blink at him dumbly. How could you have not thought about this? How had you gonna your whole relationship, fantasising about a big, happy family, at night, without even a fleeting thought of it? He moved his hand up to your face now, to move a loose strand from your face, “I can’t lose you.”
Tears brimmed your eyes now and didn’t wait for permission to fall. Just the false hope- the excitement, the attachment. In the short span of only a few hours, you had grown so attached to what would probably only be a tiny embryo at this point.
“Banner said he could run some tests, but he can’t guarantee that it’ll all work out.” Bucky wiped at the tears that had fallen, growing teary eyed himself. He couldn’t even bare to see you cry.
You didn’t speak straight away. It seemed as if your heart had now risen to the back of your throat completely- restricting your ability to speak. Not only could you not speak, you didn’t quite know what to say.
Bucky was content in your silence, allowing you time to process it all.
At this point in time, it was completely your decision. It was your life on the line. Bucky had no say in what happened. Yes, it was his child as well, but you were the one risking your life.
You nodded and straightened up, swallowing the lump in your throat, “I trust Banner.”
Bucky looked over your face, wiping the last tear that had fallen, “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t.” You assured him, kissing the palm of the hand that had just wiped the tear from your cheek, “The second it gets too dangerous, we’ll stop and reconsider. Okay?”
That was your plan.
If something were to seem wrong, if you were in unusual pain, excessively bleeding, even if a hair was out of place- you would stop everything and reconsider your options.
As much as you wanted this baby, you didn’t want to die. And you didn’t want to lose Bucky either.
-
That night, you had both slept on the decision. Bucky had asked you again in the morning and you assured him that you hadn’t changed your mind.
After breakfast, with a side of inquisitive eyes, you and Bucky had privately met with Steve, Tony and Bruce to tell them your decision.
Tony seemed over the moon. Giddy at the idea of, “First ever avenger baby.” You see, Tony liked you a lot more than he liked Bucky, which explained his different reactions, “It’s gonna come out and start sparring with the doctor.”
Steve seemed happy for you as well, but mostly for his best friend.
“Are you gonna tell everyone?”
“Can’t exactly keep it a secret…” You shrugged.
But Bucky drew his brows together and turned to you, “But if it goes wrong…”
“At least we’ll have the support of all our friends.”
“That’s the spirit!” Tony chipped, “Okay, let’s plan this announcement because I’m dying for a reason to throw a party.”
-
Tony promised that the announcement wouldn’t be anything big.
It didn’t need to be. And Bucky especially didn’t want to make a big spectacle about it because he didn’t want to get his, yours or anyone else’s hopes up too high.
But of course, a party thrown by Tony wouldn’t be a party thrown by Tony if it wasn’t big.
He at least abided by your one request to not invite too many people and just the circle of Avengers that were your friends. However, he catered like a starved man and decorated like it was no one’s business.
He had flower arrangements everywhere, all of which donned symbolic flowers that represented fertility. Daisies, orchids, lily’s and snapdragons.
To everyone else, the party just seemed like a special dinner that Tony planned just for the sake of it. No one had a clue.
It wasn’t until after dinner that Tony tapped his spoon on his scotch glass that he got everyone’s attention.
Sitting at the head of the table, he looked pointedly at you and Bucky, whom he had strategically placed in the middle of the long table.
“I believe, congratulations are in order.” He smirked at the two of you.
All attention was on you now, confused faces, some already half shocked despite not even having said the news yet, their minds probably running with assumptions.
You looked to Bucky nervously, who slipped his hand in yours underneath the table. That at least gave you the courage you needed to finally announce, “I’m pregnant.”
Natasha and Wanda’s loud gasps overpowered the rest of the tables tiny ones. You looked over at your two best friends and watched as they smiled from ear to ear.
Everyone began congratulating you and Bucky all at once, much of the men egging Bucky on, while the women fawned over the news.
From then, people were spewing questions left, right and centre, all of which you could hardly answer. Banner was yet to start his tests on you, as he lacked the machinery needed, but he promised you it wouldn’t be long.
During your conversations with your friends, you would steal casual glances over at Bucky, who, you began to notice become increasingly… off.
He would stare off into space, furrow his brows, just had that look on his face that you knew meant he was thinking about something. By the end of it, he also looked tired.
When you saw that he was no longer in conversation with the others and was kind of just sitting by himself at the table, you excused yourself from the conversation you weren’t entirely in either.
You sat on Bucky’s lap without warning, but he was quick to wrap his arm around you to secure you in place.
He smiled softly at you, but you could still see the detachment in his face.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” He just nods, but you don’t miss the small sigh.
You okay with the ends of his hair as your arms rest on his shoulders, you then look over his face and bring your thumb up to smooth the worry wrinkle creasing in his forehead.
He closes his eyes for a second as you do so, relaxing under your touch, “Wanna get outta here?”
With that, you had announced your departure. No one dared to complain, despite it still being quite early (well, it was like 11pm, but considering it was one of Tony’s parties, that was considered early). Bidding your goodbyes, and giving many thanks to those who congratulated you, you and Bucky walked hand in hand off to bed.
It didn’t take long for him to be in bed. You, however, had to take off your makeup and take out your hair that Natasha and Wanda had done for you for the party.
Once you were all squeaky clean and ready for bed, you crawled on top of him and lay between his legs, resting your chin atop your hands on his chest.
His hands come to play with your hair, fingers carding through your strands off hair and massaging your scalp.
“Are we gonna be staying in the compound?” You abruptly ask, the thought that had been brewing in your mind as you got ready for bed.
His movements halter for a moment as he blinks in confusion, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when- if I have the baby.” Both, yours and Bucky’s heart pang with sadness at the correction of the conjunction, “Are we just gonna live here forever?” You ask, but quickly clarify, “Not that it’s a bad thing. Just- is finding a cute, little family house with a veggie garden gonna be an option?”
Even before you were pregnant, the idea of growing old with Bucky in a cutesy little domestic house was all you could dream of. Whether it was with children or not, having a home to call your own that the both of you shared and would make a million and one memories in is something you’ve looked forward to ever since you realised Bucky was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
Except… you weren’t so sure Bucky had the same plans. He thought for a moment, more so thinking over his words rather than his decision, “Maybe later.” He attempts to add a hint of hopefulness to the sentence, but he doesn’t miss the small sadness that washes over your face, “I-It’s gonna sound selfish, but I don’t think I’m ready to live outside of here yet.” He quickly explains, guilt taking over him as he realises his inconvenience, “Don’t know how I can be a dad in that case but-“
“Hey, you stop that.” You scold him, half joking but you’re also dead serious, “You’re the only person on this earth that I would want to father my children.”
Bucky smiles lightly at that, tightening his grip around your waist, “Well then I promise you…” He pulls you up closer so that you’re only inches away from each other’s faces now, “Some day, we’ll live in a cute little house with a veggie garden-“
“And a mailbox that looks like a tiny house?”
He smiles before nodding, “And a mailbox that looks like a tiny house.” You smile back and place a very loving, well-deserved kiss on his lips, “I promise.”
-
You sat atop the exam table in Banners lab, watching as he prepares his utensils for the blood tests and samples he was taking from you.
Bucky should’ve been here, but he had a debrief with Steve and the others about a mission. You don’t mind. It’s his job after all and you consider yourself in safe hands with Banner. Plus, if you remember correctly, the debriefing has something to do with the baby and finding more information on it.
Nonetheless, you still wished he was here of course. You weren’t too fond of needles, despite all your trust for Bruce.
“I’ve asked for some help from S.H.I.E.L.D. Hope you don’t mind. They kind of went crazy when I told them. Something about this being a revolutionary ‘experiment’.” You nodded, though you didn’t like the idea of being an experiment, at least Banner was going the extra mile to get the best help for you, “But at least we’ll get better help.”
“I trust you.” You shrug.
“Thanks, Y/N.” He seems genuinely honoured by the comment, “You nervous?”
“No, I don’t think it’s really hit me yet.” You sigh, “Maybe when I start showing and I can’t sleep on my back or have to waddle around everywhere.”
The blood was drawn from you and you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel a little light headed. But it quickly passed as he began doing other things that peaked your interest.
-
Just as the appointment was finishing up, Bucky had joined you in the lab, prompting Bruce to explain everything he had done and what it would tell him in terms of your health and the baby.
You weren’t sure if he understood much, but he nodded nonetheless and you’re at least 80% positive that he trusts Banner just as much as you do.
The verdict of the debrief had also been an overnight mission to a base that used to take women and experiment. It was only natural to believe that there was data and information on fertility there. Well, fingers crossed anyway.
-
That following morning as you had woken up at around 5am to bid goodbye to Bucky before his mission, you had caught glimpse of the tiny bump forming on your stomach.
It was only tiny, you really just looked bloated.
You had gasped so loud and abruptly that Bucky came running to your aid thinking something was terribly wrong. Utterly confused as he saw you smiling, and crying, looking into the mirror.
You turned around to face him and his eyes trailed down to your stomach where the tiny bump was noticeable.
He looked from you to the bump, to you then back to the bump.
That was probably the first time that both you and Bucky realised: this is actually happening. Despite the uncertainty of whether you could have it or not, the sheer idea that it was happening nonetheless was almost unbelievable for the both of you.
Giddily, you had walked together to the Quinjet to see him off for his mission.
“When will you be back?” You ask, handing him his gear as he packs it away.
“Maybe early morning tomorrow.” You pout at the answer despite knowing it was going to be an overnight mission. “Gonna miss me?”
“Of course. I have no one to cuddle with when I go to bed tonight.”
“I don’t know you seem to be pretty fond of that pillow.” He smiles and you lightly smack his chest. He lifts his head now to observe his surroundings, confirming that the coast was clear and that no one could hear them, “I was thinking, when I come back maybe we can start doing some baby things.”
In the small time it took for him to walk from the bedroom to the Quinjet, he did a lot of thinking. What’s new? He had just thought about all the things that he wanted to do in relation to the baby.
He didn’t know what it was, but he was hopeful that this mission would go well, or that Banners testing would bring back something good that would give the greenlight to her pregnancy.
It was definitely the bump that spurred this train of thought, and maybe it was false hope, but it was the best darn feeling of false hope he felt in a while and he wanted to relish in it.
“Like… nursery planning?” It’s the first that comes to mind. Anything to do with that dream house of yours.
“Absolutely. Anything you want.” He beams down at you, “Pretty sure Tony would also like to do one of those ultrascan things, those are a pretty big deal.”
“Ultrasound.” You correct him with a small smile. As Steve finally boards the jet along with everyone else, that’s when you take the cue to begin wrapping up your goodbye, “Please be careful.”
“I will.” He promises, “I love you.” He bends down to kiss you.
“I love you.” You kiss back before engulfing him in a tight hug.
As you pulled apart, he leans down to your bump and presses a small kiss there too, “And I love you.”
-
The missions location of a Hydra Base proved a little difficult for Bucky as Steve noticed him immediately tense up at the sight of it up in the Quinjet before they even landed and even more so when they entered the building.
As the four of them split off, Clint and Nat in one area and Sam, Bucky and Steve in another, Steve laid a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “Hey, you alright?”
He took in a breath, before nodding, “Yeah.”
Steve just nodded back, despite knowing that he wasn’t all okay. But didn’t press the matter. It was more so just an indication for Bucky that Steve had his back of course.
“Can’t believe you’re gonna be a dad.” He says to break the ice that had formed previously. Steve quickly learned that talking about the baby would lighten Bucky’s mood.
Before Bucky can reply, Sam speaks up in front of both of them, “I can. They go at it like rabbits.” As Sam clears off into a room, Steve and Buck go ahead.
As they pass a wall with the Hydra emblem painted on it, Bucky’s reminded of the dangers of the pregnancy, “Well, that’s if she can even have the baby.”
Steve purses his lips and looks at Bucky sympathetically, “You don’t know it, but she’s a big deal up at S.H.I.E.L.D right now… She’s getting the best help there is.” Though you were great friends with Steve as it was, you being Bucky’s girlfriend and bringing so much light into his best friends light made him even more grateful and appreciative of your existence.
“I’m gonna go walk around.” Bucky heads into a room that he had cleared and Steve just sighs to himself before taking a room himself.
As Buck enters the room, he’s just met with a mess of old Soviet computers and scattered papers. He tries to read through a few of them to find any words relation to fertility or pregnancy but he comes up short. They’re all just useless reports.
As he stands up from the mess, he looks to a door at the other side of the room that he seemed to have missed. It’s closed but there’s a subtle red glow coming from underneath the door.
Making his way towards it, he’s quiet in his footsteps incase of any danger lurking beyond the metal door. He doesn’t remember the room on the blueprint, but it was common for rooms to be forgotten, mistaken or hidden.
His heart picks up as he nears the door. A million different things could be behind that door and the red light in the room isn’t making it any better. Light is a sign of life. A sign of life in these Hydra bases that are supposed to be empty is never a good sign unless it’s an animal or something.
His hand reaches out to pull on the door knob, but he’s startled when a hand pulls him by the shoulder.
“We got it. Come on. Sam set something off.” There’s a frantic tone to Steve’s voice as he gathers Bucky and Bucky wonders how he hadn’t heard him come after him in the first place.
-
In the early hours of the next morning, just as promised, Bucky came back without so much as a loose hair.
He, of course, seemed tired and tense but that was common for post-mission feels. He had joined you in bed after changing out of his combat gear and taking a quick shower, before sleeping in with you until around 9am.
Tony and the others made sure you were kept close company in the absence of your boyfriend that night, hosting a special movies night (that you weren’t supposed to tell anyone about because they would get upset). Plus a buffet like dinner and dessert.
Tony used your pregnancy as an excuse for such a big meal because of your ‘cravings’. To be totally honest, you didn’t have any, but Tony’s sly wink told you to shut up and just roll with it.
At the end of the night as you helped him pack away the mess, you asked him about the ultrasound Bucky had told you about before he’d left.
Tony said something about he and Bruce renting out a bunch of machinery to have at the compound readily available for you. Ultrasounds, monitors, the whole freaking birthing table for when the time comes.
So, that led you to now. You were on a reclined exam bed, with freezing cold jelly all over your stomach and nurse Palmer moving the wand around.
All eyes were practically glued to the screen waiting for the image to load, and once it did, the water works began.
“Oh my god.” You softly gasped, unknowingly squeezing Bucky’s hand, “Our baby.”
Faintly, you could make out the tiny bean of a baby. It was the cutest thing ever.
“You’re only about a month pregnant… but we’re looking at a two month old size fetus. Possibly two months and two weeks.” She explained, “So it’s definitely bigger.”
“So, two times bigger?” Tony reiterates. He and Banner and Steve were also present.
“Who knows if it could increase.” She shrugs, unsure.
“So what do you think we’re dealing with in terms of dates?”
“She’ll definitely give birth sooner.” She confirms, that she was sure of, “When exactly that is, I’m not sure. But if we’re going off of the current size, I’d say about 5 months.”
5 months. In just 5 months, 152 days, you were going to give birth (if you could) to the tiny little bundle of joy on the screen and you and Bucky would be the best parents ever.
God, you’re hoping and praying and just begging for this to work. It has to.
-
As Steve, Nat and Bucky looked over the evidence gathered from the mission, they had ultimately come up empty. There was stuff but not enough.
It was things like half finished documents that just stated everything they had already known: ‘Pregnancy caused by the sperm of a carrier of the serum could be extremely difficult for the mother’.
It just wasn’t enough.
Steve decided to regroup and go back to the base, seeing as their time had been cut short last time due to Sam setting something off.
There was definitely something in that base, they were all sure of it. Whether or not it would help them was a different story.
-
“Alright, so everything’s looking relatively good.” Bruce informs you, “You’re taking all your vitamins, getting lots of rest, eating everything you should.” He listed and you nodded along.
Your blood test had come back with nothing out of the ordinary. All your vitals were fine, placenta was working exactly as it should. It was almost easy to forget all of the complications that you had been warned about.
The only downside so far was that you were extremely emotional, and extremely sensitive to some smells.
You had thrown up the odd couple of times in the past few days because of food you could smell all the way down stairs. Natasha’s boiled eggs, Steve’s oats, Tony’s french toast.
But this was all normal.
You continued to be regularly scanned and monitored, every few days, someone from SHIELD who you didn’t know would come and ask questions. Everyday you had to fill out this document that outlined your symptoms, emotions, feelings, cravings.
It’s all going steady now, but you know everyone is just waiting for the day that there’s even the slightest anomaly.
But you would worry about that when the time came.
For now, you were about to enjoy the three course lunch Happy and Tony had cooked for you. They had convinced you to let them host this cooking show for you, claiming ‘you and that baby need all the nutrition you can get’. To which you had to remind them you were eating for you, not for two.
Sure, you needed extra nutrients, but not… extra food. But, irregardless, you were beyond grateful for them. Happy was a great cook, and Tony made you laugh. Win win.
-
“You’re getting so big.” Bucky marvelled at your bare stomach as you lay in bed.
You snort, “Ghee, way to make a woman feel good.” It was only a joke, you knew you were getting bigger. What, with the food Tony and Happy had basically force fed you and the double growing baby, you had now looked about 4/5 months along.
You had missed Bucky lately. It had seemed that you fell pregnant at the worst possible time, as Bucky had been on countless missions in the past few days. Of course, as mentioned, you were always accompanied and especially with the baby growing inside you, you were never really alone.
But you missed your Bucky. You missed his warmth, his big beefy body, his arm, his hair, his thighs. His other thing. God, you can’t even remember the last time you’d had sex.
Half the time you were sleeping, and the other half you were being tested on- simultaneously Bucky was away on missions or debriefs. It was hard.
You pulled him in for a loving kiss that you’d almost forgotten the feeling of. Your heart unfamiliarly fluttered, as if it was the first time you’d ever kissed him. You think he felt it too.
“Missed you.” He muttered, trailing kisses down your neck.
Your hand came up to run through his hair at the feeling of his lips at your deprived skin.
You only hummed in agreement, unable to form the right words as your body swam in contempt.
He cautiously brought a hand up to palm at your tit. The plump flesh that had also grown over the course of your pregnancy. You softly groaned as he massaged it, pulling down your top so that he had full access to it.
He practically drooled at the sight of the engorged breast and brought his mouth to suck on the nipple. Softly biting, he circled his tongue around the bud, making your toes curl under the blanket.
“Buck, please.” You tugged softly on his hair
You needed more. It had been so long and you were desperate.
He just smiles teasingly before trailing his kisses down your stomach.
Once he had gotten to your sweatpants, he swiftly pulled them off your legs, leaving you in your bare underwear.
Those soon joined your pants in the corner of your room and he gaped at the glistening cunt that he’d missed so dearly.
He placed a soft kiss to your calf as he brought it to rest on his shoulder. Tugging down his own pants, he sprung himself free and gave himself a few tugs.
You got on your elbows in order to peer down at him, having almost forgotten what he looks like down there.
You swallowed at him and stared up at him doe-eyed like you knew he loved.
He groaned before slapping it against your entrance a few times and rubbing it between your folds, making you throw your head back and plea.
That was all it took for him to fully push himself inside you.
You both gasped once he had bottomed out and he stayed like that for a few moments to allow you to adjust to the size.
Your small nod and ‘please’ prompted him to begin his thrust.
He pulled back out slowly before pushing back all the way in and you moaned as he poked at the soft spot he always managed to reach.
He steadily picked up his pace and created a steady rhythm. Using your moans as an indication of how close you were and how much more he needed to go. He brought one hand down to rub at your swollen, aching clit and that just about sent you over the edge.
You arched your back off the bed and allowed for your orgasm to wash over you.
He slightly overstimulates you as he keeps going until he mutters a small ‘Fuck!’ and his hips stutter.
You feel him coat your walls and you sigh at the familiar feeling. The one that got you pregnant in the first place. Yeah, that one.
-
Bucky’s nerves weren’t running as wild as they had been the first time they had come here. Now, he was more so determined.
Time was running out to find information and you weren’t gonna go through with this without something. Anything!
As they re entered the base, it was evident that it had been cleared. Whatever Sam set off last time must’ve caused them to do a sweep as there was rubble, broken ceilings, shut down computers.
“Stay alert.” Steve warns.
They go in groups again, this time Nat and Sam, Steve and Bucky. Exploring different rooms and downloading anything and everything they can find.
As Bucky and Steve enter the same hall as last time, Bucky can’t help but notice how this area of rooms seemed basically untouched. It looked exactly how Bucky had left it, in a stark contrast to how the other rooms had looked.
Scanning his surroundings further, Bucky notices a stray document at the door to the room he last frequented when he was here.
Picking it up, he recognised a few words. His face scrunches up and his grip on the paper tightens as the realisation dawns on him.
“This is too easy.” He mutters.
“What do you mean?” Steve is caught off guard as Bucky throws the paper and charges towards a small door inside the room, “Buck!”
Sirens start blasting out of nowhere and the lights start flashing. Steve covers his ears as the noise rings out extremely loud, literally dropping to the floor in the process.
It’s then that Steve sees the discarded piece of paper on the floor.
‘беременность, сперма, половой акт, сыворотка’
‘pregnancy, sperm, intercourse, serum’
Steve quickly remembers the situation they are in when Natasha speaks through the coms.
‘Get back to the jet!’
Despite the deafening sound of the alarms, Steve knows he’s gonna be much better off deaf than dead.
He finds Bucky standing in the small room that the door led him to. Steve couldn’t exactly see what was in it, but he didn’t care. He needed to get Bucky and get out of there.
“Let’s go!” He yells for Bucky, but halts when he doesn’t budge, “Bucky!” As he grabs his shoulder, Bucky turns with a bundle of pictures in his hands.
The one on top a picture of you, in the compound, in bed. From yesterday night. Bump and all.
“They’ve been watching her.” Bucky states, swallowing the lump in his throat. The thick stack of photographs in his hands felt heavy.
Shoving the photos in his backpack, he grabs his gun and shoots every piece of photo developing equipment that littered the room. Every computer, every piece of stray paper.
It was only when he ran out of bullets that he stopped.
As he and Steve quickly boarded the Quinjet, without a second glance back at the base, Sam had immediately lifted off into air.
“Is anyone hurt?” Steve disregards Bucky for a second to resume his Captain role. When no one speaks up and all seem perfectly fine (except, of course, puffed out from running) he turns back to Bucky who’s staring down at the photos.
Before Steve can speak, Bucky lowly speaks, “We gotta go somewhere else… away from the compound.”
Steve furrows his brows, “You’re safest in the compound.”
“Obviously not if they were able to get that close to her.” He snaps a little. Making Natasha and Sam turn their attention to the two of them briefly.
“Wherever you go, they’ll find you. You’re better off surrounded by us then alone.”
“Wakanda.”
-
Just about getting ready for bed, you yawn for about the 5th time this hour. You had a long day today.
Bucky had left sometime in the middle of the day, but straight after you said goodbye to him, you were back in Banners lab with all kinds of things poking at you. Then Tony insisted you come for a walk with him when he saw you lounging on the couch. Despite your slight annoyance, just wanting to have a moments rest… you know, being pregnant at all. But you knew some fresh air and exercise would be good since it had been quite a while since you’d had either.
And he at least treated you to lunch afterwards. Which, of course, left you bursting at the seams.
You’d hope to be able to get in a nap after lunch, but Wanda had found you and asked if you wanted to watch a movie together. You couldn’t say no to that. Or to her. As tired as you were, you loved Wanda, she was your best friend and it had honestly been a hot minute since you properly hung out with her.
Surprisingly, you didn’t fall asleep during the movie because she talked your ear off the whole way through. Just catching up about everything and anything that came to mind. You didn’t exactly mind, it was refreshing to finally talk about something other than your pregnancy.
After the movie, it was well into the afternoon. You were so confident that you would be able to nap now. But if it wasn’t one thing, it was another.
Team fucking meeting.
You don’t even know why you were required to go because you were literally incapable of doing literally anything except for eating, sleeping and waddling around the compound. Plus! Steve, Bucky, Nat and Sam weren’t even here!
You missed your Bucky.
And by the time the meeting was over, it was dinner time. By the time dinner was over, it was movie night. You could’ve easily just not gone to movie night, however- and you will admit, this is totally your own fault, they were watching Dumb and Dumber.
By the time the movie had finished it was around 9pm and finally, you could go to bed. No one had stopped you and the moment you shut your door, you fell back against the bed.
You didn’t want to move from that position, but you knew you had to eventually. Plus, you needed a shower, but just the thought of even moving a limb made you want to cry.
Nonetheless, you got through it. Often times, when you showered, Bucky was there with you because apparently ‘You’re pregnant and need my help’. So showering for the first time without him made you all emotional.
As you finally set your blow dryer down, satisfied with the dampness off your hair, you brush it out once more before exiting the bathroom.
Making it towards your bed, you pause upon hearing small commotion outside. You can’t exactly make out what’s happening but before you have time to panic, Bucky’s bursting through your door.
“Y/N?” Relief visibly washes over his face when he sees you. He connects to you like a magnet, pressing urgent kisses to your face and his hand frantically reaching for your stomach.
“Are you okay?” You ask worriedly with his flushed face between your cool hands.
About a million emotions go through his face before the panic sets in again, “We have to go.” Is all he says as he heads for the closet.
“Bucky, just think about this.” Steve storms into the room.
“Already did.” Bucky drops two duffel bags on the bed and now, you’re throughly confused.
What the fuck happened at that mission. As Bucky retreats back into the closet, you turn to Steve for answers.
He sighs before lowering his voice a little, smoothing out his tone as well, “Hydra knows you’re pregnant.”
Your heart drops to the pit of your stomach, probably hitting the baby’s head on the way, “What?” You whisper in disbelief.
Steve opens his mouth to speak again but is interrupted by Bucky, “We can’t stay here. We’re going to Wakanda.”
“Wakanda?” You furrow your brows even more, “For how long?”
“Until it’s safe to come back.” He says without a second glance as he continues to shovel clothes into each bag, “Where’s your hospital bag?”
When you don’t answer him. Too deep in thought about what the fuck is happening. He just scatters off around the room to find it himself.
Steve instantly notices your distress and rests a comforting hand on your back to steady you whilst he deals with Bucky, “Bucky.” He calls, to no avail, as Bucky continues frantically searching for the hospital bag you both had packed. Though you were expected to give birth in the lab at the tower, you both thought it was just part of the experience to pack one anyway, “Buck, stop. Can we please talk about this?”
“What’s there to talk about?” Bucky snaps, “They know she’s pregnant, they have hundreds of photos of her-“
Your mouth feels dry. Photos?
“They could never get to her inside the compound.”
“This is all they’ve wanted. To naturally create an army of super soldiers to take over the world.” He breathes heavily, “They’ll take both of them and then they’ll…” He doesn’t continue his sentence- not even daring to think about what they would do to you if they got their evil hands on you.
Noticing his distress, you step past Steve and engulf Bucky in a very much needed hug. It’s a little uncomfortable, with your bump and all, but you don’t care. You knew he needed your touch to ground him back to earth for just a moment. To know that you were there with him. That you were okay.
-
After calming Bucky down, you eased him into sleep so that he could at least sleep on it. You promised him that whatever he decided on in the morning, you would do, no questions asked.
He must’ve been so tired from that mission, or just not sleeping over the past couple of days in general, because he was knocked out once he had shut his eyes. So much so, you had managed to slip out of his embrace without waking him and go get some much needed air.
Sitting on the edge of the balcony, letting your feet hang and the cold air wash over you.
After seeing the pictures he was talking about, you didn’t feel too good. Your heart beat abnormally fast. Like that feeling you get when you’re worried about something, but you don’t know what. Except, you did know what you were worrying about and there was just so much you were worried about that you were forgetting all of them.
Light feet sounded behind you and you were surprised to see Steve when you had expected Bucky.
You smiled softly at the blonde as he joined you in dangling your legs over the edge.
“He’s sleeping.” You informed him, seeing as he left you and Bucky to talk between each other about the decision to move. “I’m scared, Steve.” You rest your head on his shoulder out of exhaustion.
“You have every right to be.” He put an arm around you, warming you up in the process, “Normal pregnancy’s are scary enough.” He had a point. And this was far from a normal pregnancy.
It’s silent for a moment. The only thing that can be heard is Tony on the phone in the distance. After what had happened, Steve talked to him and asked him to get into contact with Shuri. That way, they could at least get a heads up at your possible arrival.
“Sometimes…” You begin, breaking the silence, but pause as you think over your words. What you’re about to say is something that had been in the back of your mind for a while now, but you never found the right person to be able to tell it to, but you knew Steve was a good candidate, “Sometimes, I think I made the wrong decision by keeping the baby.” You confess. The words feel like rusty metal in your mouth and you can’t help the guilt that grows inside of you. Whatever Steve is thinking, he hides it well, continuing to rub your shoulder and allow you to continue to talk, “But I wanted it so bad, Bucky did too. Just, the thought of a family…” Tears well in your eyes as you finally build up the courage to look at Steve, “I don’t wanna die, Steve.”
“C’mere.” Steve doesn’t even hesitate to pull you closer. You hug into him now and let the tears fall. It finally hit you. It finally hit you that the decision you made could cost you your life. Steve places a gentle kiss to your head as you sob in his arms, “It’ll be okay.”
He just lets you cry. He doesn’t say anything. He continues to massage soothing circles up and down your back, trying himself not to cry.
You were his best friend. You gave Bucky the light back into his life. You made him happy. Some moments, when you and Bucky were together, Steve would see hints of his 1940 Brooklyn best friend show through.
You were probably the best thing to happen to Bucky. Plus, the baby? Your willingness to carry the baby despite all of the dangers? You really loved Bucky. And Steve loved you for that.
You wipe at your eyes and clear your throat before speaking, “Do you think going to Wakanda is a good idea?”
“You’ll definitely be in good hands.” Steve nods.
You nod and purse your lips in thought, “I’ll miss you guys though.” You smile softly and look up at him, “I hope you already know that you’re gonna be the godfather.”
He smiles wholesomely and unknowingly squeezes you tighter. “Tony’s gonna be pissed.”
“Who said he can’t be the godmother?”
-
When you woke the next morning, Bucky was already awake. He had just been watching you as you slept, a million thoughts running through his head.
You smiled up at him as you rubbed your eyes, muttering a small ‘Hi’.
He just softly smiled down at you and ran his fingers through your hair.
“You still wanna go?” You ask, clearing the elephant in the room. He nods, sighing to himself and you nod back, “Okay.”
With that, you had finished packing the bags that Bucky had started on the previous night.
Tony had been given the ok by Shuri, who would be expecting you by lunch time today.
You didn’t exactly need much. Just the hospital bag and a few clothes, all your vitamins and your pregnancy pillow, of course.
Steve and Sam had helped you load all your things onto the Quinjet and would also be flying you out to Wakanda. Plus Tony.
You’d had breakfast with the whole team, an effort from everyone to say a proper goodbye.
You were very sad. These were your best friends and only family. You wanted them to be there for the birth and to meet your baby. They would eventually, but you were just getting homesick already and you hadn’t even left.
Before nodding the Quinjet, you had hugged and said goodbye to everyone. You had began crying before you even hugged anyone, and it only got worse as you got through each person.
Tony basically had to pull you onto the jet as you stalled thanking everyone for taking care of you and for the breakfast.
When the door to the jet had finally shut, Bucky had grabbed your hand and guided you to one of the seats. You just put on a teary-eyed smile for him and remembered this was probably for the best.
-
When you had landed, you were welcomed with open arms. It was definitely nerve-racking, having never been here before, but if Bucky trusted them, you knew you would too.
From there, you basically transferred from one jet to another, where you had been flown out from the city and to a nice, quiet village.
It was a real cute village. There were farm animals and children, small ponds and trees that provided vast areas of shade.
You walked through the village, Shuri and T’Challa as your guide, telling you about all the facilities available for you.
The children ogled at you from the side, all to which you offered small smiles to and they had just giggled to each other in return. They probably thought you were so fat.
Every so often, Bucky would converse with them about his past time here. He pointed out the old hut he used to stay in and you were amazed at how small it was.
You trekked up a small hill, with the help of Bucky- to which T’Challa had profusely apologised for the hill but promised ‘We wanted you to have the best hut on the village.’
You didn’t mind. The hill wasn’t that bad and there were small steps for you to use anyway.
Once crossing over the hill, you absolutely adored what you saw.
It was a cute little hut. It looked more like a cottage in your opinion, it kinda reminded you of Hagrids house.
There was a clothesline, a well, even rocking chairs!
You loved it already and the inside was even better. It was cosy, is the best way you could describe it.
In the event of an emergency, there was a doctor not too far and also Shuri on speed dial. Groceries would be delivered weekly, but other than that, you had just about everything that you needed.
-
As you lay in the ridiculously comfortable and warm bed, cuddled up in Bucky’s chest, you couldn’t be more excited to take a million more naps in this bed throughout your stay.
“Sorry I freaked out on you.” Bucky swallows, and you can hear the guilt in his voice.
You look up at him and place a small kiss to his jaw, “You’re fine.” You assure him, “It’s just as much your baby as it is mine- well… let’s hope it’s yours.” He pulls his brows together in confusion and you quickly smile, “I’m kidding, honey.”
“Not funny.” He shifts, so that he’s holding you tighter now. Probably to convince himself he is in fact the father of your child. Which he is! Let’s make that very clear.
You hum as you continue to press kisses to his jaw, noticing the small stubble that’s grown, “This is nice.”
“I’ll get rid of it tomorrow.” He says, bringing up his hand to rub at it.
“No, it looks nice. Dad beard.”
“Soon will come the Dad bod.” He mumbled.
“Well, lucky for you, I think Dad bods are kinda hot.”
He smiles down at you and shakes his head, pinching your butt and making you squeal.
-
Bucky had taken you out to see the goats the next morning. Remembering you had told him how cute they were, especially the baby ones.
Then he took you to his old hut. It was tiny and you still couldn’t believe Bucky had stayed here. But at the same time you could. It was dark and somewhat cozy. It was quiet, but there were birds and goats so it was also peaceful in a way?
On your way through the village, one of the little girls from yesterday had ran up to you and handed you a small bouquet of daisies.
“For me?” You ask, smiling down at her and she nods eagerly, “Thank you!” You take them from her and she hugs at your legs, too short to reach any higher.
In the blink of an eye, about 6 kids are running at you with flowers in their hands.
They all shout at Bucky and he picks a few of them up. They tangle their hands in his hair, saying something about it being shorter.
“What? I kept it long for you guys!”
You had learned that they kept Bucky company while he was here, braiding his hair, showing him around the place, playing hide and seek with him.
He asked them to show you around the place as they once did for him and they all tugged on your hand to bring you to their favourite tree.
Bucky didn’t follow after. He stayed back and caught up with a few friends he’d met during his stay here.
And that’s how most of your days went.
Every so often, Shuri would come over with a few of her medical team and ask you how you were feeling.
But other than that, it was basically just walking around the village, napping (of course), Bucky cooking for you because of the amount of groceries at your door each week or venturing out with the kids.
The last part growing to be your favourite.
They were just the most lovely group of kids. So full of life and so well-mannered.
They had taken you to different lakes that you would dip your feet in and trees that you cautiously watched them climb. They’d often show up at your door calling for you to come and play.
Sometimes, when they were all tired out of energy, they would just sit around you under a tree while they cooled down and ask you all kinds of questions about your baby while the girls would braid your hair.
“Are you going to stay here forever?” Akina, the very first girl that had gifted you flowers asks. The other girls around you all encouraging the question.
“I wish!” You dramatically cry, “Once I have the baby, I have to go home.”
“I want you to stay forever.” She pouts.
“I want to stay forever!” You hand Tau, the most energetic boy in the group, an apple as he passes by tiredly. He smiles at you, taking a bit before setting it down on the tree stump and running off to continue his game of football with the other boys. “I’ll be sure to visit. Every year.”
“I’ll plant more daisies for you so that there’s lots when you come back.” Akina promises and you smile widely.
“I would love that.”
In the distance, you squint at a big, burly figure heading towards you, who you recognise as none other than Bucky.
“Bucky’s coming.” You gather around the kids in a whisper, “Okay, all together, run at Bucky and tackle him. Go!”
All of them- even the girls who completely abandoned the half finished braid in your hair, run at full speed towards Bucky, giggling their heads off.
Bucky opens his arms wide, thinking they’re all going in for a hug, but widens his eyes when he realises the speed they’re running at, “Hey-“ They all go for different parts of his body before tackling him into the grass.
You laugh a little to yourself before concluding that he’ll need your rescuing. As you stand, you watch as he manages to get up, each child still stuck to each limb and he just flares at you playfully.
-
You rest your back on Bucky’s front as you both watch the small iPad screen in front of you. The hut didn’t have a T.V. but Bucky was prepared and brought his iPad from the compound so that you could both have some form of entertainment other than the kids and the animals.
Plus, you gotta make up for all the movie nights you’ll miss.
You’re both currently watching an episode of The Office. It was a stupid little show, but it made Bucky laugh. And you’d be lying if you didn’t smile at Michael or Kevin every so often.
A jolt in your stomach causes you to jump softly and bring your hand to your stomach.
“What? Are you okay?” Bucky sits up a little and you smile up at him as you feel it again.
You grab his hand and bring it to where the jolt continues. He’s confused at first, still a little concerned, but smiles softly once you say it out loud.
“A kick.”
He feels it again and smiles even harder, looking down at you know and you notice the tears that have quickly welled in his eyes, “Awe, don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.”
You rub away the stray tear that fell and he kisses your hand.
What you didn’t tell him though, what you knew would send him into a frenzy was that it was a hard bloody kick… almost painful. You’re sure they weren’t meant to be, but you hoped you did well at concealing the pain. It did concern you, sure.
But it had to be normal, right? This was a super baby after all.
Right?
-
Waking up from your nap, you heard a bunch of giggles outside your window. You couldn’t even be mad that your sleep was interrupted because their laughter was just so cute and infectious.
As you step outside, you turn to follow the giggles and see Bucky sitting on the ground as two girls, Abeba and Zuri braid his hair in two french braids.
“Wow, don’t you look pretty?” You smile teasingly at the man before you. His little notebook sits in his lap and you catch the small drawings he’s made of them, plus the silly little doodles on the side that’s probably the cause of their fits of laughter.
“Come on! Time for lunch!” A small bell rings and the familiar voice of their mother rings all the way up the hill. They quickly tie off Bucky’s braid before fleeing down the hill.
As they scatter off down the small hill, you take a seat in Bucky’s lap to get a closer look at his new do.
“I like it.”
He just smiles sarcastically and places a kiss upon your lips before patting your ass a little, prompting you to stand, “Come on, let’s eat.”
You nod and take his hand in your own, wincing a little at a sharp pain that shoots down your back and you unknowingly squeeze his hand.
You think you’ve played it off, but the way Bucky’s stopped and looking at you tells you otherwise, “What?”
“It’s nothing. Just another kick. They’ve been at it all morning.” You quickly lie. Well, it could’ve been a kick… a bloody hard one at that- worse than the ones last night, but, this didn’t feel like it.
“Are you sure?” He asks, but doesn’t even wait for a response, “Maybe we should skip lunch-“
“No, I’m starving.” You quickly cut him off, skipping lunch was off the table, “Don’t worry, I felt it last night too and I was fine.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” At this point, Bucky knew it was more than just a kick.
“Because I was fine.” You assure him, smiling despite the still small pain that’s rippling throughout your mid section, “I’m okay.”
He didn’t believe you, but he knew better than to deny you.
-
All day, Bucky had been extra cautious around you. As if he wasn’t enough already.
He treated you like you were fine China and as much as you loved him, sometimes you just wanted to sit down without him having to build a whole entire scaffold unit around you. Because that’s what it felt like he was doing.
He kept his hand on your stomach every chance he got, to feel for himself now because at this point he knew you weren’t 100% telling the truth.
But you were fine now! Sure, in the morning it was uncomfortable and a little painful, but now you felt fine!
You tried to convince him so, but he just eyed you like he didn’t believe you. Even though he said he did.
You just wanted to show him that you were fine. And what better way than sex. It was the only thing that would convince him and also get his mind off it all.
Kissing him hungrily, you grab his hand that had been rubbing at your stomach nearly all day.
“You’re gonna give me rub burn.” You mutter into the kiss.
“It’s just so nice to touch. So warm, so round.”
“You better enjoy it while it lasts. Can’t do it for like three months after.” He groans to himself, almost whining at the thought before getting to work.
Bullet = dodged.
-
The next morning, the pain had returned. It must just be a morning thing, you had concluded. It was quite bad, but you managed to hide it while Bucky took a shower, because that was when the brunt of it hit.
It got to the point where you had to grip the table. It was bad. But, you guessed this was just the serum aspect of the pregnancy.
You still had approximately a week left until you would give birth. Not long at all. It was all planned out though, so that gave you closure. You had a room all set up, you had met all the doctors, the midwife. The process.
You also found that the cramps you were getting, were much worse sitting down and that movement helped to ease it off a little.
Getting up was the worst part though because if a cramp hit whilst in the middle of getting up, you would probably be on the floor.
You waited until another one passed before standing up, not too quick but just quick enough before another one was able to hit. All clear.
Deciding to not look suspicious just standing up in the middle of the room, you picked up the laundry basket and headed for the door.
You hummed to yourself and in the process, didn’t even hear Bucky exit the bathroom from his shower.
“What’re you doing?”
“Just gonna hang the washing.” You said simply, balancing the basket on one hip as you blindly slipped your outside shoes on. You could hardly see what you were doing below your bump because your stomach was so big.
Bucky immediately approached you and took the basket from you, “Let me do it.”
You whined as he left you to go hang the washing, but followed him nonetheless, “Why won’t you let me do anything?” You rubbed your stomach, trailing behind him.
“You’re too fragile.” He said. You just rolled your eyes and looked at him sadly, hoping that it would make him change his mind. It’s not that you wanted to do the laundry, the physicality of it would obviously be a bitch, but you just missed home and hanging the laundry was one thing that would at least make you feel normal again, and also cramps, “You can hand me the pegs.” He offers and you don’t argue with that, “But sit down while you do it.”
You roll your eyes as you follow him out of the house and over to the clothes line where the basket of pegs sit. He picks it up for you and hands it to you, eyeing the chair, a silent plea for you to sit.
You notice how you hadn’t gotten a cramp since you’d stood and that maybe it had finally passed as per usual. It usually did after a few hours so maybe you got lucky.
Plus, the rocking chair had movement so even if you did get cramps, they wouldn’t be as bad.
As you go to sit, you kind of just crash down into the seat to get it over with. “Ah-“ You gasp, your hand instinctively flying to your stomach as you adjust to the uncomfortable position of the chair. It’s a long one and you grimace as you try and steady your breath. You look up at Bucky, who’s head almost flung off with how hard he whipped it around, “I’m fine!” You manage to breath out.
His eyes are wide and for a second you’re scared. You’ve been caught and you know what he’s thinking.
Without a word, he gets his phone out of his back pocket, “I’m getting Shuri.”
“No! Buck, I’m fine. We still have a week-“
“You could be early!”
“But I’m not, so we’re fine.” You hand him a peg now and he just purses his lips.
He doesn’t believe you. But he gives in and resumes his work. The last thing he wants is for you to be stressed right now, but his stress levels are coming in ten fold.
You feel the next wave of pain wash over you and you try so hard not to let it show, but you fail miserably. You whimper softly, gulping to try and hold it in but your shaking hands that are gripping the arms of the chair aren’t doing you any justice.
Bucky just shakes his head as you eye him warningly, coming to your side, “You’re telling me you’re not having contractions right now?”
“No, I’m not having contractions.” You tell him confidently, gripping the arms of the chair to stand, but Bucky basically hoists you up anyway, “I just need to walk around for a bit-“
Before you can even take a step, another one hits you and you almost fall to your knees if it weren’t for Bucky at your side.
You look up at him now, swallowing a nervous breath before admitting, “Maybe I’m having contractions.”
-
Bucky had called Shuri whilst you sat back in the chair. You told him you didn’t want to go back inside and that you needed a bit of air. Just as well too, because even from outside you could hear him fumbling around inside looking for everything you needed.
Within the next minute or so, Shuri had arrived in a whole ass jet thing. It was real flash looking too, way better than the quinjet. So much so, it almost distracted you from the debilitatingly painful waves that came about every 3 minutes and the fact that you were literally about to give birth to this baby.
When you had landed, a wheelchair was waiting for you at the end of the ramp and they wheeled you off into the building and towards your designated hospital room, Bucky hot on your trail.
They quickly got to work in setting you up on the bed. There was so much going on, so many people, you started to grow anxious. Like… really fucking anxious.
“She’s just about ready.” Your midwife tells Bucky after propping your legs up on the stands, “The contractions are only a few minutes apart, and she’s dilated about 7cm.”
“What? But she’s only been having contractions for like 10 minutes.”
“The Super Soldier wants out.” Shuri states, a hint of a reminder to both you and Bucky that this wasn’t the usual pregnancy. This baby was coming out and it was coming out now.
While the nurses and doctor gather their tools, your grip on Bucky’s hand tightens as you call his name desperately, “Bucky,” He looks to you worriedly, even more worried to see you about to cry, “Buck, I don’t think I can do it.” You shake your head.
Fear. Pure fear. You were so, so scared. And the nervous glances you caught between the nurses weren’t doing you any justice.
It had dawned on you too that in the search for information on whether giving birth to a super soldier baby was life-threatening, you had come up empty handed. You could very-well die in just a few minutes.
“Are you crazy? Of course you can.” Bucky kisses your forehead. but it doesn’t help like it should.
“I’m so scared.” You cry, grabbing both of his hands now, “If… if things go wrong and you can’t save me, promise me you’ll take care of them…”
“Honey, you’re in great hands. Everything’s gonna be okay-“
“Don’t wait for me, don’t think that you’re betraying me. Just give them all the love you could ever give-“
“Stop. Don’t say those things.” He begins to cry now, “I cant imagine my life without you. I don’t want to.” You can’t either. And it’s why you’re breaking down so hard right now.
“I can’t do it, Buck.” You repeat, blinking away the tears that blurred your vision, so that you could at least clearly see Bucky’s beautiful face one last time.
“You absolutely can.” He presses his forehead to yours, “It won’t be long. It’ll be over before you know it, I’ll be here the whole time, and soon we can meet our baby.” He promises and you inhale a shaky breath and nod hopefully, “Besides, you kinda have to. All our friends turned up.”
You furrowed your brows and looked to the window of the room that led to the hall. There all your friends were with bright smiles on their faces, Steve and Sam offering encouraging thumbs ups.
Bruce and Helen had also just walked through the doors of your room, in full medical gear. Not to discredit the Wakandan doctors at all! But you just felt secure now that they were here.
Once you were all plugged in, and monitored, and finally measured, Shuri gave the ok.
“Okay, it’s time to push.”
-
Bucky didn’t think he’d ever feel this way. He never thought this could happen to him. Or ever would.
A baby. His baby. A baby he shared with someone he loved.
You.
You and the baby. His girls.
The first cry of the baby when she had come out had been the best thing to ever grace Bucky’s ears. The gasp that left your lips afterwards the second.
You were alive and the baby was okay.
It was long, hard, painful 10 minutes. You had practically accepted the idea that you could die. That you would never see Bucky again. That you would never see any of your friends again. That you would never have gotten to meet your baby.
But here you were. Your baby in your arms and Bucky by your side- and all your friends around you, all ogling at the newest member of the team.
“Whats her name?” Natasha asks, stepping closer.
“We don’t know yet.” Bucky answers, his eyes never leaving his daughter.
“Tonya.” Tony suggests and everyone rolls their eyes.
Steve was the first of your friends to hold her, being the god father and all. His smiled reached his ears at the small child of his two best friends.
Seeing everyone else hold her and just marvel at how great she was made you realise how lucky you were to still be here. How lucky your baby would be surrounded by all these great people.
And for Bucky.
Though he was absolutely terrified of holding her, something inside him knew that he could never hurt her. When he did hold her, he never wanted to let her go. He barely took his eyes off her. He made a promise to himself that he was never going to let so much as a hair on her head be out of place.
-
You and Bucky lay together in your hospital bed, spooning each other as you face your baby in her cot.
She was perfect. You think she looked like Bucky but he thought she looked like you.
“She’s so beautiful.” Bucky mutters, “I don’t want to sleep because then I can’t keep her safe.”
“You’ll always keep her safe.” You bring your hand back to stroke his cheek.
Looking around the room, you gaped at the amount of flowers and gifts left for you. One particular bundle that caught your eye was a gift basket from the village. You couldn’t exactly tell what was in it, but what you could see was a few small daisies shoved in between the weaves of the basket.
You smiled thinking of Akina. You knew she was most likely the culprit of those flowers. You still kept the first bunch of daisies she ever gave you- dried up though they were, you had pressed them in a book to keep them forever.
Daisies had always been your favourite.
“I kinda like Daisy.” You speak out of nowhere, and Bucky hums, “For a name? Maybe Daisy May.” You turn to look at Bucky and he smiles.
“Daisy May Barnes.” You smile at the added last name. Daisy May Barnes. Yes, that was the one. You nod with a look that silently asks if he likes it, “Whatever you want Mrs. Barnes.”
“Don’t say that until it’s true, I don’t wanna jinx it.” You softly slap his shoulder before looking back at your baby. Marriage was a different chapter and you’d cross that bridge when it came to it.
Unless of course… Bucky had different plans.
“Well, then…” He sighs, fishing around in his pocket before pulling out a small box. You furrow your brows, unbelieving in what you think is happening. He pops open the box and there sits a ring. Staring back at you, almost mocking you. “Will you marry me?”
You dart your eyes from the ring to Bucky multiple times, unable to keep your mouth shut as you gape like a fish. You can’t find the words and even if you did, you’re sure you’ve forgotten how to speak.
But the answer was clear.
The very short, but painfully long 5 months that you had just endured carrying his baby made him realise just how much he loves you. Not that he ever doubted it before, but now, he didn’t ever want to let you go.
You swiftly turned to face him and placed a long, loving kiss on his lips. You ended up smiling halfway through, both out of happiness and thinking about how long Bucky had been carrying out the clunky box.
He’d explained how he bought it ever since he found out you were pregnant. When exactly he would propose, he had no idea but he brought it with him to Wakanda just in case.
And he was so glad he did. When he went searching for your hospital bag during your contractions, he remembered it and dug around in his luggage for it. He amply shoved it in his pocket and forgot about it ever since, until he laid in bed and felt it dig into his hip.
Bit of a plot twist in the chapter, but nothing you were complaining about as you stared at the ring. There was nothing more you could ask for.
-
Just about two years later.
Daisy turns in your lap towards the hallway as her hearing picks up the arrival of her father back from the mission.
“Whos that?” You bounce her in your lap and she stands to go check it out for herself.
Wanda and Nat smile down at her as she carefully walks over to the hallway.
“Daddy!” Nearly everyone in the compound smiles at her tiny voice that echoes down the hallway.
Bucky enters the compound living room with her in his arms and you stand to give him a kiss.
“Back in one piece.” You state as you scan him for any hidden injuries.
“Miss me?”
“Of course.”
He turns his attention to Daisy now who’s poking at his cheek, “Hi, my angel.”
She looks behind him as her favourite Uncle/Godfather comes into view.
“Steve!” She yells, pointing a finger at him and he stops in his tracks and dramatically smiles at her.
Bucky hands her to him as he lifts her up and her giggles ring through the room.
As Sam follows behind Steve, he smiles and puts his hands out, gesturing for her to call his name like she just did with Steve, “Sam!” He says himself and Daisy just giggles because she knows exactly what she’s doing, “Oh, come on.”
Bucky places a kiss to her small head as the compound laughs at her cheeky antics that they’ve all experienced at least once, “That’s my girl.”
˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆
oh my godddd this literally took forever 😭😭😭 but i’m so happy with it! i hope it’s not too confusing bc i feel like i jump to different days a lot but if u have any questions like literally just ask i’m happy to answer any and all!
#bucky imagine#bucky fic#bucky x female reader#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#bucky x you#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky angst#dad!bucky
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Gp Natasha Romanoff x Fem reader plz I am begging u. Nat just being super needy and reader finally gives in and Nat having a breeding kink
Authors note: Idk if these are all from the same anon or not but reguardless theyre all similar enough to be made into one fic. Hope you enjoy!
Word count: 843 Nat Masterlist Marvel Masterlist
The sight that you stumble upon when walking into your shared room with your girlfriend is not what you expected to come across, but it certainly was a welcome one. Natasha kneels on the bed with a pillow nestled between her pantless legs, her notable erection grinding against it through her boxers as small whimpers leave her mouth. Her eyes are shut tight as her hips buck sloppily, you know she's so focused on feeling pleasure that she didn’t even notice you come in or shut the door behind you.
You watch her a few more seconds before announcing your presence, “A little pathetic, don’t you think baby?” her eyes snap open as she stops and turns to face you looking like a startled animal, “You just couldn't wait for me and decided humping a pillow would do huh?”
“N-no” she stutters, “Just needed something to help until you got here, need release so bad detka(baby).” she admits, a blush covering her cheeks
You walk over to the bed and cup her face, she leans into your touch, “Do you need me Tasha?”
“Yes, so badly. Please Y/n.” she pleads, and how could you not give in, at least partially to her
You nod, “Ok baby.” By the time you finish taking your shirt off Nat has already freed herself from her tight feeling boxers. You watch her remove her shirt and bra while you remove your pants. She watches as you slowly remove your bra and underwear, intent on teasing her.
“Detka(baby)....please.” she whines
You chuckle, “You really are needy tonight, aren’t you?”
She huffs, “I’m not needy”
“Oh, so you wouldn’t mind if I went and took a shower then went to hang out with Bucky?” you teasingly ask as you turn towards the bathroom
She quickly grabs onto your arm, “No!” You smile as a blush covers her cheeks
“Don’t worry baby I’m not going anywhere.” you cup her face before straddling her waist, hovering above her throbbing cock
Her hands immediately find your hips as yours land on her shoulders. You allow her to guide you down onto her, a moan leaves her as a sigh leaves you, both of you feeling pleasure as she enters you.
“Fuck….you feel so good Y/n” she groans once you’ve suken down on her completely allowing her to bottom out in you
Before making any attempt at moving you connect your lips to hers in a hungry kiss that quickly turns desperate on her end as she tries and fails to thrust up into you. She whines into your mouth as her hands shake on your hips. Her fingers dig into your sides, silently begging you to relent and let her take control and fuck you.
When you pull away you look into her hazy green eyes and smile, “Go ahead Tasha”
She quickly lays you back on the mattress, making sure you're in a comfortable position before she quickly begins thrusting into you. You both let out moans as she finally gets the pleasure she craved while brushing against every sensitive spot inside you.
“Ooh…yes baby, fuck!” you gasp out at a rather rough thrust
You know your hips will be bruised from the grip she currently has, but that’s ok because it means she's enjoying herself. Your nails dig into her shoulders as her thrusts begin to get sloppy. You know she's getting close, but you don’t intend to make it quite that easy for her to feel her release.
Her warm breath finds your collarbone as she leans in, placing soft kisses along your neck and up your jaw until her lips meet yours. The kiss is messy and needy, everything Natasha is currently. You smile as she pulls away to rest her forehead against yours.
“I’m so close detka(baby)...so close” You quickly wrap your legs around her hips and still her inside you causing her to cry out in frustration, “Y/n please….please detka(baby)..I need to cum so badly…please!”
You chuckle, “My needy Tasha needs to cum, hm?” she eagerly nods as tears begin to well up in her eyes
“Please, I just wanna fill you up, detka(baby). I can make you feel good too Y/n, so good” she continues to plead
You finally unwrap your legs from her and cup her face, “Go ahead baby”
She moans at your words as her hips quickly begin moving again. You can hear her ragged breathing as your walls begin to clench around her.
“Fuck detka(baby), gonna fill you up so good, gonna cum in you so much it’s guarented that I’ll have fucked a baby into you.” she growls out, “Cum with me Y/n, please”
You both moan as you each fall over the edge together, a tangle of sweaty limbs that tremble and shake as she fills your cunt until its leaking. You share a soft and loving kiss before she smiles down at you.
“I love you”
“Love you too Tasha, so much.”
Taglist: @wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @wandanatvoid @naomi-m3ndez
#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha x reader#natasha romanoff#natasha x y/n#marvel#fanfic#marvel fanfiction#fic rec
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