At one point I think you said if Ander saw Sahota as he is now, he wouldn't realize it was himself at first. I've been wondering, would any of the main crew recognize Ander as Sahota if they saw him?

not at first, especially if Current Sahota was still with them, since the sudden appearance of a younger version of your trainer isn't exactly something they'd expect ahaha

after getting a good look at him, most of them would think he looks very similar to Sahota, and draw the conclusion that they're cousins or brothers

Chase Davenport Fluff Alphabet

A: activities (what do you do together?)

Chase absolutely LOVES to do just about anything with you. He’s so mesmerized and captivated by you, anything that makes you happy, he’ll do. It makes him really happy if you do the things he’s interested in, too. (I.E. watching his favorite tv shows, letting him ramble on about science, read with him, etc.)

B: Beauty (what does he find the most beautiful about you?)

Again, he thinks you’re so beautiful, everywhere. If he had to choose, he would probably say your hair. He loves running his fingers through it and playing with it when he’s bored. He loves when you let him try to braid it after you taught him.

C: comfort (how would he help you after a panic attack?)

Chase is most definitely an expert when it comes to panic attacks. He would make sure you can breathe and would stay by your side the entire time. He would know when to give you space but he would whisper supportive mantras to try and help. Afterwards, he would watch your favorite movie with you to calm you down while eating your favorite dessert.

D: Dreams (how does he picture your future together?)

Chase isn’t big on the future. He likes to stay in the moment, making sure everything’s okay. He doesn’t know where the future will take him, but he knows he wants you apart of it. He pictures eventually marrying you and possibly having a kid or two.

E: Equal (is he dominant, possessive? Or rather passive?)

Chase is very passive aggressive with you when he’s mad. He feels bad to flat out yell at you, so he’ll throw slight digs until you ask him what’s wrong. (Slightly nsfw, in the bedroom, he’s very dominant and likes to have control. He is mission leader, after all.)

F: fight (how would you fight with them? Would he easily forgive you?)

Chase hates fighting with you. It does happen, and it’ll usually build up over time. You guys will end up blowing up at one another, and then need a day or two to cool off. After Bree talks some sense into him, he apologizes after a day or two.

G: gratitude (how grateful is he? Is he grateful for the things you’ve done for him?)

Chase is very grateful for every experience he’s had. He is grateful for his bionics, his family, and his students. He knows how much you’ve done and sacrificed for him, and he’ll do anything to show it to you.

H: hugs (how does he hug you?)

Chase is big on hugs. He likes you wrap his arms around your waist and kiss your neck, or he just simply likes to hold you close after a mission if it startled him.

I: inspiration (how have you inspired chase? How has he inspired you?)

When Chase is with you, he tends to be more laid back. He’s more open to rebellious tendencies and it makes him feel like a total badass. When you’re with Chase, he encourages you to try harder in school, and it eventually really pays off.

J: jealousy (does he get jealous easily? How does he deal with it?)

Chase is a very jealous person. He tries to hide it, but every so often he’ll kiss you a little harder to remind you that you’re his. Sometimes if he can’t control himself, spike may come out to play.

K: kisses (what was your first kiss? Is he a good kisser?)

You and Chase’s first kiss felt out of a fairytale. You got caught in the rain after Leo abandoned the two of you during study hall. After a deep conversation on the walk home, he knew he couldn’t let this opportunity slip past him. He looked deep into your eyes and pulled you in for a long, passionate kiss. To answer if he’s a good kisser, he very much is. He knows what you like and he’s good at giving it to you.

L: love confession (how did he confess his love for you?)

After your first kiss, there was so much tension between the two of you. It was left untouched for so long, until Chase couldn’t hold back. He eventually confessed his love while yelling at you in the lab, leaving both of you shocked. It luckily all worked out, as you told him you loved him, too.

M: marriage (does he want to get married? How would he propose and how would the wedding be?)

You are the only person Chase sees a future with. You’re it for him, so he wants everything to be special. He’s propose on an isolated part of the bionic island during sunset. At the wedding, he’d rather have it small with your immediate families and closest friends.

N: nicknames (what does he call you?)

Babe, baby, love, darling, (your regular nickname,) your actual name

O: on cloud nine (how does chase act when he’s in love?)

Chase is the biggest dork when he’s in love, which means that’s the main side of him you’ve seen. He’s very giggly and blushes a lot. His siblings pretend it’s extremely annoying and tease him, but they’re secretly really happy for him.

P: PDA

Chase is very shy about your relationship. He often gets teased by his siblings that he actually managed to find a girlfriend, and it makes him slightly insecure so he’s rather show his love and affection in private. He does enjoy to sneak small kisses or hug you in public.

Q: quirk (what’s a random trait about him that’s beneficial for your relationship?)

Chase is very smart, obviously. He always knows the right thing to say and when to say it.

R: Romance (is he the romantic type? Is he cliché or creative?)

A perfect mix of both. He’s very creative while still staying traditional. He’s very romantic and enjoys small frequent gestures over random big ones.

S: spike (how does spike treat you?)

Spike is surprisingly very kind to you. He claims to respect women- especially you. You’re also one of the only people that can calm him back down to chase. Afterwards, he feels terrible and asks if you’re okay.

T: thrill (does he try new things in your relationship, or rather stick to a routine?)

Chase enjoys having a routine, although sometimes life just throws curveballs. He tries to keep things the same with you, because it’s one of the thing stable and secure things he has.

U: understanding? (Is he empathetic? Does he understand you well?)

Chase is very empathetic. He likes to make sure you’re always okay. He can read you like a book and usually can figure out pretty quickly when something is wrong.

V: value (how much does he value your relationship?)

Your relation is one of Chase’s top priorities. Although he wouldn’t admit it, he would give up everything if it meant he could have you.

W: wildcard (random thing in your relationship)

You’re the apple of Chase’s eye. His family loves you, and he loves you even more. He’s grateful that you’ve stuck around and never given up on him, even with his crazy life and secret.

X: xoxo (is he affectionate? Does he enjoy kisses/cuddles?)

Very much. He’s often shy and doesn’t like to directly ask for them, so he’ll send you discreet signals and hope you get the memo. You always do, and it puts a smile on his face.

Y: yearning (how does he cope when he misses you?)

Chase misses you a lot. Sometimes he’s on a mission and randomly thinks about you. One day he got up and went to the store, and bought one of those couple touch bracelets that vibrate whenever one thinks of the other. (Spoiler alert- he uses it A LOT.)

Z: zeal (is he willing to go great lengths for your relationship?)

Duh! Chase trusts you with his life. After you’ve supported him through so much, it’s only fair if he does the same. If you ever need him, he’ll drop just about anything to be there. He doesn’t ever want to loose you and the thought sends chills down his spine.

A/N: I hope this was good! I haven’t written anything like this before, so if you have any suggestions please lmk. Look forward to more lab rats content in the future, along with many more. I accept requests for just about anything! (Well, for the fandoms I am apart of.) <3

before you go | myg drabble

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀; taking a step forward, you decide it's time to act after realization that you're worth much more than your boyfriend thinks, and you deserve even more

𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: cheating au, mentions of sex, strong language, yoongi cries 

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2k

a/n: commissioned by the lovely @minyoongail​, who's been extremely patient with me! thank you again and I hope you enjoy this drabble!

𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | ☕️

It happened gradually, smoothly even.

Although, you’re not sure if the word ‘smooth’ is the right one to describe it. It happened slowly and gradually, that you barely noticed it but now that you look at all the clues and details, it makes a perfect sense and you come to think; how stupid were you? You should’ve seen it sooner. You should’ve focus on those details more. And most importantly, you should’ve never trust him the way you did.

Cheating is unforgivable and unforgettable. But there was still a time when you ignored it, purposely tried to be blind about it and pretended that it never happened. But it broke you even more. How can it not?

It started with the lack of his presence. The usual excuse; the work got busy and they needed me. Funny how the word ‘they’ should’ve been in a singular form rather than plural. And at first, you believed that. Why couldn’t he be busy? Being an idol practically screams busy and unavailable but even then, you as a couple managed to get through that. You respected his profession just like he did yours, there was no reason to compare your two different professions. You were proud of him, fuck, you still are. Despite of what happened, you’re still proud of him for working so hard to the point the whole word knows who he is and they praise him for his incredible ability to comfort people with his music and lyrics.

It didn’t come weird to you when he started to stay nights somewhere else, rather than by your side and in his luxurious apartment placed in one of the newest buildings in Seoul, with a perfect view of Han River and center of Seoul. When he asked you to move in, you knew there’d be times when he would be just too busy but you also knew, it’d be a great opportunity to be closer to him. And a next step in your two year relationship. So naturally, you thought he’s just spending the nights in his studio and in the company. Oh, how wrong you were.

Then secret calls and messages happened.

Yoongi has always been a quiet man who liked his privacy, but not to the extent of changing his password and holding his phone for a dear life. It’s not like you went and snooped around in his phone, trying to find something suspicious or something like that. It happened randomly when you saw him unlocking it with a different password, when he laid on the sofa next to you. His Touch ID was broken and it was dark for his Face ID to work. If those two things didn’t happen, you’d never know or maybe you’d find out eventually. Regardless of that, maybe it was the universe giving you a first sign.

Yoongi always used to go to another room whenever someone called him, it was just his pet peeve. He wanted to go somewhere quiet where he could discuss an important business. But after he started to close a door and you couldn’t hear his muffled voice, so all you heard was a complete silence or whispered words, it started to become weird.

Third thing that caught your attention was the lack of intimacy in your relationship. Sure, Yoongi’s a busy man with a hectic schedule and life, but he used to find the time to appreciate you in more ways than possible. Even if it was just a quick sex to get a relief, and he drifted to sleep right away, he still whispered soft I love you’s into your ear. When days became weeks and weeks became months without him even touching you, you knew something’s wrong. He can be busy, but he’s still a man with needs like you’re woman with the same ones. You don’t have to mention dates, because those didn’t happen as well. And when Yoongi came home with a weird purplish mark on his chest, which you randomly saw because he started to shower alone and wouldn’t ask you to join him like he used to, you knew he’s getting his relief somewhere else.

It hurt. Maybe you have it all wrong, maybe it’s not how it seems. You desperately tried to persuade yourself, but things never got better and they just got even worse. So, you buried yourself into the work and distanced yourself just like he did but still, none of you voiced out the problem even though you both knew something’s wrong. Your relationship stopped having a future. But why can’t he just end it?

Why does he keep sneaking behind your back? He even started to be lazy with precautions, and left his phone on his nightstand one evening.

‘see you tomorrow, can’t wait x’, said the text.

The woman’s name almost burned your eyes but no, it was your tears that did.

And that’s how you’ve spent your nights, crying into your pillow and the person who was behind your crying was nowhere to be seen, and all you’ve had left was his empty side of bed. Where there were no tears left to cry, anger replaced the sadness and hurt. You were angry, but still holding yourself in your boyfriend’s presence. It wasn’t hard, he was barely present in your own presence. He made it easy.

But even anger didn’t last that long and you slowly became numb. Numb to the pain, to the anger and any other emotion. That’s what he’s done to you and he should’ve seen it coming.

Just like when he opens the front door, completely tired and worn out, met with the sight of two big suitcases. He knows they belong to you, his own are plain black but that’s not why he recognizes it at first. It’s because those are the same ones he helped you with when you moved in. Dropping his keys onto the small cupboard, he walks deeper into the huge apartment to find it just in the exact state. However, what’s different is you walking out of the bedroom with a bag in your arms, along with your phone. You don’t notice him, you’re too busy trying to check if you’ve packed everything and there’s nothing left of you. You don’t plan on coming back and if there’s something you accidentally forgot, you don’t want it. You’d rather lose that thing than to come here again and be reminded of the biggest heartbreak you’ve ever experienced.

“What are you doing?”

You almost jump at the deep and velvety voice, eyes widened at the sight of what used to be your boyfriend in front of you. He eyes your bag, a silent question decorating his features.

“Leaving,” you answer nonchalantly, almost scoffing at him. How the fuck does it look like? You surely aren’t going on a holiday.

“Why?” he asks, his voice suddenly getting more cautious and louder when he sees your distance, especially when you walk past him.

His footsteps are heard behind you, and you wish he’d just ignore you like he’s been doing for the past couple of months.

“We both know why,” you mutter, rolling your eyes before you stop at the picture frame that’s sitting on the dresser. It’s the picture of you and him, taken sometime when you started dating. It’s your picture and you’re the one who brought it when you moved in, it’s been decorating Yoongi’s apartment ever since.

That’s the one thing you’re willing to purposely leave behind, you don’t want that.

Feeling his eyes burning at the side of your face, he’s got the perfect view of it being expressionless before you walk past the picture like it means nothing. Because it does. It used to be one of the most precious things you've ever owned. It was decorating your home, a sweet reminder of your boyfriend whom you loved very much at that time. You missed him every minute but whenever you looked at that picture, it brought a warm feeling to your heart. It made all those moments when you finally were by his side, able to kiss him, even more precious. Now, that picture brings nothing but emptiness and irritant feeling instead. And it's only one person's fault and that person is standing just a few meters away from you with the most heartbreaking eyes. As if you're the one who broke him first.

“Come on, we can talk about this. Please, just let’s sit down and talk about this.”

The desperation that raises up in his tone is quite surprising to you, but you don’t react. Just when you’re standing in front of your suitcases, you glance at him. He stares at you with a hopeful gaze, but you just shake your head.

“What’s there to talk about?” you ask him.

It’s that unbothered tone and expression that makes him panic. Why are you so calm? He knew this day will come, but he hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

“We both know this is not working out.” you tell him calmly.

“Baby,” he tries, causing the corner of your mouth to quirk up but it’s only for a second. It’s sarcastic that he remembered to call you that just now, when he barely called you anything in months. “Please.”

“Why don’t you go back to whoever you’ve been fucking behind my back?” you ask him, raising a brow at him.

He opens his mouth, a horrific expression decorating his pale face acting like it’s not obvious. At first it wasn’t, you were too blind at the beginning and then too stubborn to admit something your mind was telling you.

“Let me—“

“What? Explain? No, thanks. I’m done, Yoongi.” you tell him, turning around to grab your suitcases and just go.

When his hand grasps your wrist to keep you in place, your eyes snap to him ready to cuss him out but you’re speechless when you see the tears forming in his eyes.

“Please,” he begs, tears streaming down his cheeks. There were times when you’d cry at the sight, doing your best to comfort him but not now. Those times are gone.

Slowly, you pull your hand from his grip, ignoring his hurt face and how it scrunches both in pain and desperation.

Why is he suddenly acting so hurt over you leaving? 

“You should’ve seen it coming,” you tell him coldly, “Fucking someone behind my back— it was just a matter of time before I’d found out and I did. Long time ago but I’m done.”

Turning around, you take your suitcases and reach towards the knob to finally escape the suffocating air thanks to Yoongi. You don’t cry, you can’t and you don’t want you. You’ve already cried enough because of this man that proved to be someone that never deserved your tears. You’re numb to this.

“Before you go,” he speaks up, voice raising in panic when you’re about to open the door. “Is there something I can do to make this better?”

The regret in his voice is audible, but you don’t react to it at all. You see it written all over his face, he realized what he’s done and now that he sees you leaving from his apartment and life, there’s nothing but sorrow and pain screaming from him.

“Before I go?” you chuckle bitterly, “You went first, you went away first as soon as you decided to have sex with someone else.”

And that’s the final straw, he doesn’t deserve a second of your time and an ounce of your attention. Ending it with that, not answering him purposely because there’s nothing that could make this situation better, you take all of your stuff and leave out of his luxurious apartment. Before you fully walk away from him, you grab your keys — the ones he gave you before you even moved in — and you toss it on the floor. It lands right in front of his feet, tears streaming down his face as he looks at the keys. It still has the keychain he gave you.

The last thing he hears is the gentle thud of you closing the door, but to his ears it's the loudest sound he has heard. Along with his cracking heart but it just proves to be even louder.

Two beautiful people sent me an ask about my rivetra actors au, and boyyyy let me tell you, it was so fun making them again 😍 thank you to the pretty souls who asked this! 💘

The first actors au were from season 1 and 2, this one will focus on the filming of season 3 until the last season :) here you go!

more rivetra actors!au headcanon (some are nsfw-ish)

- Let me get straight to the point: lots of sex. Car sex. On-set sex. Dressing room sex. Name it.

- Both of them are aware that it was unprofessional, but there was a time when they did not see each other for more than a month because of their (especially Levi’s) busy and conflicting schedule, so when Petra surprised him on set, the frustration and longing just piled up and they had sex.

- Then it became a habit.

- And this habit, of course, didn’t go unnoticed by the other casts and even crews of the show. Armin heard them once, and the poor boy made a mental note to never ever come close to Levi’s room again.

- The older casts are fine with it since, you know, normal adult stuff. But for the love of the three Walls, can you lovebirds tone the moaning down? People are trying to get some sleep wtf.

- Levi’s make-up artist had to deal with the pain of covering his hickeys (courtesy of Ms. Petra Ral) every shoot. The ones on his neck, especially those near his adam’s apple were the most visible. And since Captain Levi rarely wore a cravat in season three, part one, it made the work harder for the make-up artist.

- As compensation, Petra always bought a special souvenir for Levi’s make-up artist whenever she flies overseas for her theater shows.

- For the premiere of season 3, Levi took Petra as his date on the red carpet. It was the first event they attended publicly as a couple.

- It was a big milestone for their relationship because they are both public figures. And we all know what happens when celebrities publicize their relationships, it is prone to issues and controversies.

- And you can very well guess that Levi Ackerman showing off his beautiful girlfriend to the press was big news. As big as the AoT premiere even.

- During the air of season three, Levi became more famous and he attracted many overseas fans as well as international actresses because of his brilliant scenes with Kenny.

- Although Petra is not the jealous type, she admitted that somehow it affected her when other international actresses expressed their admiration towards Levi. Some even said that Levi is their type and they are looking forward to working with him in the future.

- When Levi sensed this, he immediately headed to his IG and posted a picture of Petra with a very cheesy caption lmao. Forgive him, he's new to this kind of relationship.

- Did I mention he also posted a picture of them kissing in front of the Eiffel tower?

- Only a few know this, but the real Levi is one clingy boyfriend.

- He is very touchy when it comes to Petra. He just really loves holding her. Sometimes he just randomly hugs her, caresses her, nuzzles her. He just loves having skin-to-skin contact with her.

- His love language is actions and gestures.

- His favorite gesture to do to Petra is a back hug with his arms under her boobs. It was a soft gesture and it wasn't sexual in any way...until it did.

- More than half of their sex started with Levi touching Petra’s underboobs tbh.

- Sometimes Levi thinks that he's neglecting Petra and more than once he considered quitting the show business for her. But then he’ll see her smiling at him, and she tells him that she's very proud of what he’s doing and that she's happy that she gets to support him with doing the things he is really passionate about and just… all he could think of that time is that he wants to marry this amazing woman.

- He is also supportive of Petra’s theater actress career, of course. And he hates the fact that he needs to hide whenever he watches one of her shows since people eventually gather around him asking for an autograph and he feels that it’s rude for Petra. This is her moment and he doesn’t want to ruin it for her.

- Hence, his all-black and mysterious get-up whenever he watches her show.

- AoT season three was a huge success and plans for season four are already on the move. Casts were given a long break before the shooting began again and both Petra and Levi took this as a chance to bond together.

-Petra's favorite thing to do with Levi is playing with animals. She has a soft spot for animals, and she wanted for them to adopt a pet but she knew that the poor animal will only be given less attention because both of them are always busy.

-When Petra's theater world tour ended, she and Levi started living together. They didn't have the chance to do it before since they were both busy.

-Them living together is probably the height of their relationship. They fought, they had sex, they laughed, they played, they bathe together. They did everything together and it was a beautiful experience.

- For their third anniversary, Levi booked a vacation on a private island for a week. It was also their last bonding because Levi is going to start filming again for season four in less than a month.

- They did not communicate with anyone during that one week. It was just them, and they made the most of it.

- Mornings were spent for morning sex and breakfast in bed. Afternoons were for swimming, sleeping, cuddling, hugging, kissing, and every activity they could think of doing. They explored the island, they petted stray animals, they dived into the ocean, they build sandcastles, they ate different dishes, they had sex in caves and while swimming on the beach, they climbed trees, they bought souvenirs, and most importantly, they took many pictures together.

- Evenings were the most romantic of all. They had sex in the darkness of their own room while they hear the ocean waves crashed to the shore outside and as the sea breeze cooled their sweat-slicked skin. They took the time to explore each other’s body like it’s their last (because it will be in a matter of days).

- On their last night, Pet cried while they’re having sex. Levi’s face was buried on the crook of her neck and she was moaning one moment, and then the next she’s sobbing like a poor little baby.

- She said that she’d gotten used to life with Levi always by her side and she didn’t want it to ever change. Levi comforted her. He petted her hair, and he said that it’s going to be okay. He kissed her head, then her hair, her face, and her body. Then they had the most emotional and meaningful sex of their entire life.

- Levi started shooting again for season four. Petra, like the past seasons, visits him as much as she can. It was hard adjusting to this type of life again, but she’s a strong woman. And besides, she’s going to start rehearsing for another theater show again.

- They need to undergo medical check-ups before the casting and she found out then that she is pregnant with Levi’s baby.

- It freaked her out. She and Levi never talked about babies before since they’re busy with their careers, and their relationship has always been just the two of them.

- Levi was out of town for the shoot, and she didn’t want to tell him the good news on the phone so she patiently waited until he got home.

- He was greeted with a fancy dinner, and a “Welcome home, Daddy” by Petra. Levi thought that it was her being cheeky and naughty at first, but when dinner ended and she ran for her life to the sink, that’s when he started getting worried. And when Petra showed him the positive result in her medical check-up, well, let’s just say that on that day, Levi Ackerman received a good reminder of what he did to her on their vacation months ago.

- But seriously, he was seconds away from calling his manager and dropping his AoT contract just so he can take care of Petra and their baby. Petra said that it was fine, and she doesn’t want him to quit.

- Levi apologized to Petra many times because he wasn’t there when she discovered it, but she assured him that it was alright and it wasn’t his fault. God, he’s with the perfect woman.

- Since Levi is a big shot in the industry, he demanded control over his schedules. Honestly, he wanted to be at her side 24/7. He wanted to see her belly swell as months went by. He wanted to be the one to satisfy her midnight pregnancy cravings. He wanted to kiss her face and her belly first thing in the morning.

- He convinced Petra to move temporarily to the Ackerman family house where Levi’s parents are staying. Kenny and Mikasa also lived in the same affluent neighborhood. He had doctors, and helpers, and bodyguards hired for Petra. But she said that she’s too uncomfortable with many people around her.

- Petra and Levi’s mom build a bond of their own. She’d gotten to know more of Levi through his mother’s perspective. The older woman showed her Levi’s teenage room, his past awards, his photos, his audition tapes that weren’t out for the public, and she fell in love with him more.

- They had a super private wedding with their relatives and closest friends. Petra was six months pregnant by that time and season four is planned to air three months from now.

- So, you know about that one holy Rivetra panel where Petra is looking back to Levi? The reason why the scene was not in the actual show was that she is pregnant. That’s why the directors are forced to use old scenes from season one instead.

- Despite all the efforts of being private, paparazzi and the media still caught wind of the secret wedding, and rumors about Petra being pregnant started circulating over the internet. Levi shut down these rumors every time someone attempted to question him in his interviews.

- When the shooting ended, Petra was already eight months into pregnancy. As per tradition, the cast and staff held an after-party, but Petra was surprised when it became a baby shower for her instead.

- The baby was supposedly due in the third week of December, but Petra’s water broke around the first week instead and she started her labor. She ended up having the same birthday as their healthy baby boy.

- The baby was named River Ackerman. He was named after Levi’s role where he won the Best Actor Award when he was seventeen. It was also a tribute to Levi’s role in AoT since his name was sometimes spelled as ‘Rivaille’ on many occasions.

This week on Sen Çal Kapımı

Serkan's inability to articulate his feelings for Eda has him literally man down, while Eda contemplates their kinda, sorta, maybe mutual feelings and her future. Other stuff happens, but come on, with this episode, Edser takes centre stage as the ship sets sail on the high seas.

Before we jump right into it, last week in this post, I bulleted the things all of us expected was coming. 

Let’s take one moment to note the glorious ways in which all of these things unfolded?

Nursing back to health

Pining

Severe angst

Breaking point

Dear writers of this show, we appreciate you. We are truly blessed.

Now, on to this week. The episode picks up where we left off, with Selin giving Serkan 2 days to decide whether she drops Ferit like a hot potato on the eve of their wedding. Let’s be clear, she wants to dump a man she is supposed to marry in two days to resume a logical and clinical relationship? Is Selin even in love with Serkan? It doesn’t seem like he treated her very well – but then again, it seems their relationship had a very logical genesis – no sweeping romantic gestures, no sweet words, no compliments it would seem! etc. So objectively I’m not sure what exactly makes that prospect better than the one with Ferit – who clearly does love and care for her. But I digress. 

Essentially, this is how it plays out:

Selin: “Let me know in max 2 days if you want to be with me, k.”

Serkan: ...

Eda: Simply exists.

Serkan: Stares directly at Selin as he deliberately grasps Eda’s hand and holds on for dear life.

Now, they say actions speak louder than words... so how is Selin still not clear on the fact that Serkan not rushing to end her marriage means he’s not interested???

Anyhoo, Serkan and Eda spend most of the episode circling around the same.

Did you say yes to Selin?

What is your opinion on my situation with Selin?

Would you stay?

I can’t stay because… reasons

If either one of these to love-struck puppies took a second to reflect, they would realise that they actually have the answers already. Eda in fact, does consider for a minute that Serkan might actually have feelings for her. Serkan however, is convinced Eda cannot wait to get out of his life - which makes his bold move at the end of the episode a great moment for his own growth as a character. He was operating on his feelings and taking an emotional risk, having no idea how she actually felt. Yes, he had the note she left, but up until 20 minutes earlier, he was still fighting Engin on the notion that she could genuinely have feelings for him.

Speaking on Engin, writers, I have faith that we will see Engin mercilessly tease Serkan in the next episode about his heart eyes and his newfound familiarity with the language of love. This is likely going to bring great comedic gold. Its also not lost on me that Engin can so easily see the love between Serkan and Eda, but is totally clueless about his own romantic entanglements. To be honest, I’m not invested in this romance, so whomever he ends up with - or doesn’t - is fine by me.

Listen, I’m high key bursting at the fact that Eda and Serkan both already see the other in their bed(s). Them facing “each other” with longing was one of the smaller moments of the episode, but one of my favourites. And because this show is so good at parallels, I’m putting it out there that we will get a scene of them sharing a bed without Serkan needing to turn his back to her, but also without Serkan ruining the mood once daybreak arrives. Eda is a snuggler and she loves to sleep. I’m looking forward to bedroom shenanigans. Also, can Eda (and Engin) find the pictures of them he’s clearly carrying around in his wallet at this point? Please and thank you.

SIDE NOTE: according to Laila, Serkan has a conference in London “next week” which has been reserved for two people. Since I’m going out on a limb and saying Serkan won’t be travelling with Selin, will Eda accompany him to the UK? One can only hope for a honeymoon romantic getaway business trip.

Adore the “don’t leave” parallels that the show has been dropping like golden nuggets for the past few weeks. Serkan has spent multiple episodes in a struggle with himself. If Eda wants to leave, he insists its not his style to ask her to stay. But by episodes end he is so frenzied at the thought of his life without her, he’s ready and willing to say it m u l t i p l e times. We love a glow up.

Things I loved about this episode:

The handhold 5 seconds in & Eda’s impulsive kiss on his cheek.

The super cheesy let’s-randomly-turn-on-the-radio-and-awkwardly-listen-to-the-exact-song-describing-our entire-love-story. The way I was lapping it up with shovel. Also, Başak Gümülcinelioğlu’s (aka the actress playing Piril) song Sen Çal Kapımı is beautiful. All the fanvids, all the time please oh talented vidders.

Serkan’s meltdown at the office the minute he realised she’s about to leave. Hilarious. I truly enjoy seeing him a little off kilter and a lot out of control. Just looking at how his employees have relaxed since he’s been more relaxed - due to Eda’s influence - is a great subtle storytelling mechanism as well.

Immensely enjoyed Nurse Eda - especially her traditional approach to checking temperatures. LOL. Just a comment that despite Eda believing Serkan and Selin are most likely a thing, she refuses to leave his side in deference to Selin. I totally loved seeing her stake her claim. And judging by the never-you-mind, irritated way with which Serkan basically told Selin to move along, Serkan doesn’t want people around when he’s sick - but he certainly wants Eda.

Serkan going from unable to communicate to “you’re constantly in my head, in my every thought! You’ve taken over my brain! You’ve taken over my entire life!” #FlingsSelfIntoTheSun

THE KISS. Beautiful cinematography, beautiful direction, gorgeous cast, amazing script. Loved everything about it.

Things that broke/confused me

Serkan being a complete dolt and instead of enjoying the woman he loves cuddled up beside him, he takes the time to reiterate that he doesn’t remember their conversation from the night before. SMH. Eda was about to risk it all one last time, and Serkan’s poorly timed dose of realness is the final straw.

The tears in his eyes when she left the office. He was still fighting being vulnerable, even after Eda basically gave him the roadmap with an x for how to achieve success. Thankfully, by episodes end his own desperation at potentially losing her outweighed his “logic” and self preservation. Eda is teaching Serkan that its okay to need other people and that he doesn’t have to shoulder everything alone. #MyEndlessFloodOfTears

Aydan being unable to see how very much Serkan loves Eda and her - bordering on delusional at this point - push for Serkan to marry a woman who inspires no passion, no interest, no life, no spark in him! I understood it initially. But now it’s just comical. Seyfi is clearly team #Edser. I know the Bolat’s have a history of trauma. But pushing Serkan into a loveless marriage, while hurting Ferit and potentially Eda (and Serkan himself) seems absurd to me.

Ayfer’s reaction to the contract was OOT IMO. The show has been quite light handed with drama and this was the first time I thought the hysterics was over done. I understand that it was a shock, I understand that feelings of betrayal and hurt are natural. But a moment of reflection - as well as allowing Eda to explain - would have easily highlighted what Ayfer already knows - that there is a lot more happening between Eda and Serkan than a mere contract. Furthermore, this “Serkan Bolat is the devil incarnate here to take advantage of our poor Eda” is ridiculous. Serkan is a good person - logical and sometimes aloof - but he isn’t devious. If anything, Ayfer getting to know him during their terrarium creating afternoon left her with a good impression of who he is. So unless there are missing scenes somewhere, her suddenly being anti-Serkan feels like a necessity to serve the upcoming plot, as opposed to an organic happenstance. Not my favourite development. This includes her orchestrating Eda’s scholarship in Italy. Feels out of character. But let’s see how it all plays out.

Things I know is coming:

From the fragman, Serkan names a star or something after her #squee

Selin finally getting it

Aydan not getting it

Seyfi being over the moon - along with Melo no doubt

D R A M A about parents and death and cover-ups but I’m ignoring that for now

And most importantly:

Dating

Kissing

Hugging

Giggles

#FlingsSelfIntoTheEverLovingSun #NotPrepared

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

Velaris University

So this is my first try at a college AU and while it was super fun to write, I would love for some feedback if anyone has any! Also please let me know if you want to be tagged in future updates or have prompts for this series (I will def need them) 

Thanks for reading! I hope you like it :)

Here is my masterlist of fanfics is anyone wants it! 

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Chapter 1:

“I just think it’s stupid.” The entire car trip had been the same conversation playing on repeat. I was getting a headache. 

“I know exactly what you think Nesta. You’ve only said it about twenty times.” 

“I don’t understand why anyone would go to college with a boyfriend.” 

“You don’t actually think that, you just hate Tamlin.” I was rubbing temples fiercely, and let out a sigh of relief as the Velaris University sign came into focus ahead of us. 

“He lost my respect when he threatened to break up with you if you didn’t follow him to SCC.” The moment I told her, I regretted it and I couldn’t help my frown from deepening.

“Nes you need to let that go, he obviously didn’t mean it. He was just upset. We were both upset.”

The fight I had with my boyfriend flashed in my mind, and I had to stop myself from physically cringing. 

I was hugging myself with tears running down my face. 

“Feyre, did you really think that I would be happy?” His voice was quiet, like it was also waiting for the inevitable explosion. We were standing in the greenhouse that was connected to his families mansion. This was the place they had shared their first kiss, their first time having sex, and also their first I love you’s. A thought crossed my mind that this would also be the space we had out first breakup.

“This-s program is m-my dream Tam. It’s what I want to do with my l-life.” It was hard to get the words out through the sobs. 

It was apparently the wrong thing to say. Suddenly there were plants on the ground and one of the tables was on its side. I backed up, the sobs increasing. He turned to me with a feral look on his face, and yelled, “I thought this was our life! You’re being so fucking selfish.”

I tried to stammer out an apology, but he put his hand out to silence me, a command.

“If you do this, we are over.” The glow from the greenhouse light made him look angelic, with his long golden hair and perfectly angled face. This would have been the perfect picture if he wasn’t glowering. He waited for a minute with his chest moving up and down with his quick breaths. He was waiting for me to change my mind, but I wasn’t going to. 

He finally realized what my silence meant, and kicked over another table of flowers. A pot landed right at my feet and shattered instantly. It reminded me of my heart. He retreated into his house, slamming the door behind him. 

“Being upset is not an excuse to be a dick.”  Her comment brought me back to the present.  “And it scares me that you think it does” she continued. I wasn’t going to tell her that it scared me too. I also wasn’t going to tell her, or anyone else, about his more violent reactions. I just kept telling myself that those responses were not directed toward me. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I love him, we are together, and that’s all I have to say.” She turned her blue Chevy into the parking lot of Apartment Hall D, which was where I would be living for the next year. I could see the whites of her knuckles as she gripped the steering wheel, readying herself for another round. Before she could start again, I asked.  “Can we just unpack the car please?”

Her glaring eyes and stiff posture showed how hard it was for her to drop the topic, but she ended up shaking her head, parking the truck, and opening the car door.

—

Nesta and I climbed the three flights of stairs to apartment 304, and I wondered if there was roof access.

“Feyre the key,” Nesta’s labored breath and arms full of boxes, had me reaching into my purse and digging for my keys. Finally finding them and feeling a glare on the back of my neck, I opened the door to my new home. 

Walking into the open concept apartment, I was very happy over my decision to not live in a dorm. The only reason I could afford this was because of my scholarship, but I wanted space to paint and I wanted Tamlin to have the ability to visit whenever he wanted. The kitchen was directly to the left of the door, with yellow cabinets, a large oven and fridge, and a large white granite island. The apartment was furnished, so the room beyond the kitchen had a medium sized couch with blue cushions with a navy armchair next to it. Both the couch and chair were facing a white wall where a wooden TV stand sat, which was empty if the occupants couldn’t afford one. This occupant could not. Past the living area, a glass door led out to a small deck that had a view of the whole campus. I pushed open the door and felt the morning breeze hit my face. The sun was rising and the light reflected off all the windows, which ate every shadow in sight. The University was almost golden. 

Reluctantly I tore myself from the beautiful sight.

Turning back I went looking for my bedroom. A small laundry room and pantry directly next to the kitchen. A small hallway showed three more doors, two on the far side and one on the closest side. One was an empty bed room, with a spacious closet, a bed frame with a mattress, a small dresser, and a worn wooden desk and chair in the corner. The room was small and the furniture was old, but the view from the window was worth it. It was the opposite side from the deck, so I was looking out onto the city of Velaris. The ocean was visible and so were the mountains that surrounded the north side of the city. The morning sun was illuminating the water making it sparkle, and I knew that I would live in a shoe if it had this view. 

My randomly assigned roommate was no where to be seen, but the next room was already filled to the brink with clothing, makeup, and jewelry. I was excited to hopefully have a friend I could borrow some clothes from, even though half of it I could never pull off. Nesta, however, took one look at the dresser, which was overflowing with lingerie, and scoffed. Her scoff was covering the embarrassed look and blush now covering her face. I had to hide my snort with a cough. My sister being uncomfortable was very rare, so the fact that underwear is what caused it was fucking hilarious. I immediately got out my phone and sent a text to Tam. 

NESTA IS SCARED OF UNDERWEAR!!

haha mens or womens?

Apparently women’s

knew she had to be afraid of something

maybe you should change your wardrobe to just underwear just to make her uncomfortable 

i would fully support that

Pig lol

I smiled at my phone, at the semblance of normalcy between us. 

I glanced into the small bathroom across the hall. There was a shower, toilet, and a nice double sink. One half of said sink was covered by perfumes, curling irons, and other hair products. The colors were so vivid and varied that they stood out from the dull white bathroom, like paint splatter on a white canvas. 

After our tour of the apartment, my sister was silent as we carried up bags and boxes from the bed of her truck to my room. After everything was pilled into my small room, and a box of kitchen supplies was left sitting on the island, Nesta made a gesture for me to follow her back downstairs. She lived in a small single bedroom apartment across campus. She had told me that she needed her own space as a third year, so we couldn’t save money and just live together. I didn’t humor myself into thinking that her answer wasn’t utter bullshit.

When we stepped out of the building and into the warm day, I found myself saying, “Thank you… for driving me and helping me bring up all my stuff.” 

As she was climbing back into her truck, she hesitated. The hard look she pinned me with over her shoulder, had me bracing for the impact of her inevitable words. 

“Don’t come crying to me Feyre when he finally does something that being upset doesn’t excuse.” 

Nesta always was the worst at goodbyes. 

—

Even though classes didn’t start for another 3 days, I started unpacking my art supplies and organizing them into my desk drawers. I had only just started when I heard the front door open. 

“Dude I can’t believe you got a rando.” The low voice was scratchy, sexy, and loud enough to hear, even with my door closed. 

“I’m getting bored with you guys, so I need new friends.” I heard at least 3 different sets of laughter, all of them male. The female, who was my new roommate, had such a soft song like voice and I knew she was probably beautiful. I suddenly became self conscious of myself with my brown hair tied back in a low bun and no makeup on.

“What if she’s insane?”

“What if she doesn’t like you?”

“What if she doesn’t like us?”

“Can all of you guys just shut up?”

The bickering continued until my roommate must have seen one of my boxes, because then she started to kick them out. 

“Get out. Get out!” Laughing started and ended abruptly with the slamming of the door. I heard the door open once more. 

“Mor you know we are just screwing with you. I really do want you to have a friend here, especially after everything that happened last year. Bring her over at some point so we can meet her. Love you cuz.” I had never thought a voice could be beautiful, but that was the only word the would do it justice. That voice would haunt my dreams. 

I tried to forget the voice and focus on meeting my new roommate. 

A small knock had me jumping up and running across the room. As I was reaching to open the door, it was opened for me and hit me in the face. 

“Shit,” I huffed as I stumbled back holding my nose. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry.” I uncovered my hands to look at the girl who had just nailed me in the face. She was gorgeous. Her long golden hair was in loose ringlets, striking against her perfectly tanned skin. She was wearing a skin-tight red tank top with a very low v-neck paired with leather pants. Her eyes were big, brown, and beautiful, which matched the rest of her symmetrical face and gold jewelry adorned her neck, ears, and fingers. 

“Well you’re hot,” I breathed. Her responding smile was so genuine I was sure that anyone who saw it would have to smile too. 

She stood straight, hands on her hips, and asked, “How hard did I hit you?” I laughed at her response, because there was so no way she was oblivious to her attractiveness. 

I finally stood up, the pain in my face fading, and extended my hand to her. 

“My name is Feyre. It’s really nice to meet you.” Her soft manicured hand felt near fragile in my paint stained and blistered one. 

“I’m Morrigan, but everyone calls me Mor. I’m gonna guess that you’re an art major?” She sent a pointed look toward my mountain of art supplies. 

“Good guess. What about you?”

“I’m a second year phycology major. So be honest, how is your face?”

I laughed and shook my head. “It’s fine. I think I was shocked more than actually hurt.”

“I swear that will be the only time I physically hurt you. I’ve been told that I get on people’s nerves, so I can’t say anything about the your sanity.” We had only known each other for a couple of minutes, but I knew that I liked this girl. This was the type of girl I never got to be friends with growing up. For many many reasons.  

She continued, “My friends will literally die when they hear this story.” 

“Well if our relationship works out than it’ll also be a great story to tell the grandkids,” I said trying not to think of her cousins voice at the mention of her friends. 

“Ha ha very funny. Actually we were all going out to—” She was cut off by my phone. I apologized and turned toward the sounds and found it lying on my bed. 

Incoming Call from Tamlin

I looked at her with a cringe and explained, “It’s my boyfriend. I have nothing going on tomorrow. Would you maybe want to…”  Her growing smile had me continuing. “Hang out with me?” 

“Yes yes! I can show you around campus, the best shops in Velaris, and introduce you to my friends.” My face was hurting from my own smile. I nodded at her and my phone stopped going off. Even the fight I knew that would be inevitable from me not answering his phone call, wasn’t enough to stop me from smiling at my new roommate. 

She turned and headed toward the door, but turned back before going through it. 

“I’m really excited for tomorrow,” she said with a curt nod. Then she was out the door before I could return the sentiment. 

I picked up my phone to redial my boyfriends number, but Mor poked her head in again. 

“Oh and I think you’re hot too.” With a wink she was gone. I laughed out loud and all of a sudden I felt ready for the incoming year, because I now had a friend to help me through it. 

—

After all of my research on Velaris, I came to one final conclusion: the nights were supposedly epic. And in the wake of a day spent unpacking, I was ready to see it for myself. 

While I was tired from my non-fight with Tamlin, I also found myself restless. The whole conversation was Tam forcing himself to not be mad and instead just making our talk draining and fake. I finally told him that I needed to go and get some books for school so I could get off the phone. 

Things would get better. 

I forced the phone call out of my head and focused on something exciting and new. 

Mor was gone before I could ask about the roof access in the building, but I decided to go and find out for myself. I walked into the stairwell and headed up. This building had ten floors, so I was breathless when I finally reached the top. An unmarked door came into my view and as I pushed it open a rush of fresh air filled my lungs. 

The roof was bare, except for an air unit, two beach chairs, and a railing around the edge, but I found myself not looking at the roof at all. 

The sky was incredible. The stars were brighter than I had ever seen, and the city was alive in front of me. I instantly found myself at the railing. The apartment building was on the edge of campus, so from one side all you could see was the school, but on the other side the city and ocean was the only thing in view. I couldn’t peel my eyes from the sight. 

People were laughing and strolling through the cobblestone streets and lights of all different colors were coming out of windows and doors throughout the city. 

The city was alive. 

Throughout my life I had never felt at home or even wanting to be part of one, but I had this feeling that Velaris was made for me. Or maybe I was made for it. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” I jumped at the voice behind me. I somehow lost my footing and my feet flew forward. I landed on my butt with a thud.

“Holy fuck! You scared the shit out of me.” I started to turn toward the stranger while on the ground, ready to be livid. My heartbeat increased to unhealthy levels as my eyes met ones of violet. The man in front of me was something forged from my dreams. His black hair was made of the night sky above us and his chiseled features looked carved out of stone. He was wearing blue jeans and a grey crewneck, which seemed plain, but nothing on this man could ever be plain. While I couldn’t see his body, I knew that he was fit, he filled out his jeans like they were tailored for him. 

He had slowly moved forward, like he was going toward a cornered animal, and when he was directly in front of me, he held a hand out to help me up. The laughter in his eyes and the smirk on his face took my focus away from his attractiveness and kick started my anger again. 

“Don’t look so upset love, most girls fall head over heels for me.” 

“Are you sure they aren’t falling while trying to run away?” His eyes lit up in challenge, but I dismissed him by jumping up and turning toward the city again. 

He did not get the message and I felt him lounging on the rail next to me. I glanced to my left and he wasn’t staring toward the ocean, he was staring at me. 

“Could you stop that,” I snapped. It was apparently the wrong thing to say. His eyes shone brighter than the stars above us. 

“What is your name love?” 

I put my elbows on the rail and leaned forward as I sighed out, “Feyre.”

“And why are you up here all alone Feyre?” 

“That kinda sounded a little creepy.”

His laugh filled my soul and I smiled slightly. “I’ve never been called creepy.”

“And what do people usually call you?” 

“Sexy, amazing, smart, endowed—”

“You’re certainly full of yourself,” I cut him off. 

An ocean kissed wind blew my hair backwards. Closing my eyes, I breathed in the salty air. We fell into a comfortable silence. I’m not sure how long we stood there, watching the city from afar.  I was unsure why I felt so safe, standing on a roof with a complete stranger. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw that I had a message from Tamlin.

i’m sorry for earlier baby. i love you and ill talk to you in the morning.

His apology made me think I was doing something wrong. I started to retreat and walk backwards toward the roof door. Purple eyes followed my movements with an unreadable expression. 

“Are you running from me Feyre.” The smirk was gone and I felt a pang in my gut.

“No. It’s just getting late and I should probably get back downstairs.”

“I can walk you—”

“No!” I realized how loud it came out when his mouth turned downwards. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around…” 

Oh my god I never asked his name. I grimaced, and inwardly smacked my palm on my forehead. I looked to him for assistance. He made long strides until he was inches from me, my back hitting the door. It was then I realized just how tall this man was, I was almost looking straight up.

“Rhysand,” was all he said. 

“Okay nice to meet you. I have to go. Not that I’m scared. Or nervous.” Cringing as I rambled, I felt behind me for the door handle. When I found it, I pulled it. This backfired on me by pushing me forward into Rhysand. 

Chest to chest, I hoped he couldn’t feel my heart beating. His breath caressed my cheek, I couldn’t help but shutter. Seeing his eyes widen and flash with desire, I awkwardly squeaked out a goodbye and all but sprinted down the stairs. 

I didn’t stop running until I got to my apartment and then into my own room. I fell down onto the bed ready for this whole night to be over. I answered Tamlin’s text with a simple I love you, turned my phone off, and then I threw it on the ground. 

You did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. 

I found myself repeating the sentence over and over again. I knew I had done nothing wrong, but I couldn’t help the feeling that I did. Moving to the ground, I sat below my window, opening it slightly, letting the sounds of the ocean lull me to sleep. The only thing calming enough to do so. That and the name of the man who I couldn’t stop thinking about. 

Rhysand 

Thanks for reading!!! xoxo

scout losing sniper. that's it that's the request (if you're ok with it of course thank you.. . .)

sometimes it feels like you people come into my inbox and just sort of tee yourself up to be whacked over the head with a two-by-four and i find it hilarious every single time

(warnings for offscreen major character death and discussion of mercenary-type things, and hurt with absolutely no comfort at the end)

-

It was strange, because Scout wasn’t a mercenary, not really, not in any way that mattered.

The other guys, for the most part they could bond over being mercenaries back before they joined the team. They’d all travelled some amount, sometimes been hired on to do things with other mercenaries, all had various stories to share. And there were phrases they could say in a stilted tone that the others would furrow their brows and nod their heads sympathetically at, some kind of secret code Scout had never learned except as a second language from talking to them.

So there were some things Scout never really considered to be anything he’d need to worry about. Losing limbs or getting massive scars? They had Medic and the Quick-Fix. Being stabbed in the back? Maybe if Spy was being bitchy again, but they all had to live together and inhabit the same space for the foreseeable future, and there were few gigs as cushy as immortality and immunity from the legal system at large the majority of the time, and there wouldn’t really be any kind of benefit to it as far as Scout could tell. Danger to one’s family? It was part of their contracts that all relatives and loved ones would be protected as long as they were part of the team and for the ten years following their departure.

Dying for real? As long as they were on the base or somewhere near it, that wasn’t a concern.

There were only a few people who went properly off and away from bases for any reason. Heavy when he went home on break, but he was also always off radar and could fend for himself. Spy on missions, but he’d been doing those literally longer than Scout had been alive, so he wasn’t particularly at risk. Sniper when he was hired on for a hit, but he shot at people from the opposite side of the continent anyways, so he wasn’t all that worried about it, especially since the only injury Sniper had ever contracted had been when he’d fallen from his perch and broken his arm like a dumbass, and even then Sniper was more embarrassed than shaken by it.

Sniper tried to have a conversation with him about it a few times. But he also would sometimes Spycheck people randomly on-base, couldn’t sleep with his back facing a door or window, was always strapped when he went into town even when they were in range of the base, slept with a knife nearby, all sorts of other things. He admitted up front that he thought he was probably just being paranoid. But Scout sat through it with him those few times, listened to Sniper explaining that he wouldn’t be upset if Scout moved on from him if he abruptly went missing, even if he wasn’t proven dead. That he would want Scout to move on with his life.

Down the line, there were other conversations too. About what they would do when their contracts ran out. Maybe they’d move in together. Maybe meet each other’s families. Maybe get some pets. One maybe after another, all sorts of theoreticals.

Miss Pauling came back to base personally one day, basically unannounced. Demo dropped by the laundry room where he was working on some chores to tell him she was there and needed to talk to him about something. Scout had pointed at the washing machine and asked if it would be quick, since he didn’t want his clothes to get musty. Demo said he didn’t think so.

Miss Pauling explained the whole situation to him, slowly and clearly, the conference table used for team meetings covered in a light dusting of papers. Explained the date and time that they’d received their last update from Sniper, off on a mission in northern Australia. Explained the date and time that they’d gotten some kind of attempt at contact from Sniper, not when he had an update scheduled, but the contact was cut off several seconds later. Explained where the tracker Sniper had carried—standard procedure for off-base missions—had last pinged before it stopped broadcasting, at roughly the same time that the attempt at communication was made. Explained that on a perfunctory investigation by a contact in a nearby city, they’d found Sniper’s camper van, reduced to a charred, black husk. After a very short amount of time indeed, it was soundly determined that Sniper had been the victim of a car bomb.

He waited through the whole briefing for the part where she told him how bad it was, how long it would be before they could get Sniper back on base again and back in action. As things continued and she got around to telling him what all they’d managed to recover from the remains of the vehicle, he started to realize that Sniper wouldn’t be coming back on base again.

He was granted one week of official leave to travel to Australia for the funeral and to sort through some things. On the first day there, dizzy and disoriented from jet lag, nauseous and uncomfortable in the abrupt change of season, he spent several hours sorting through the meager pile of belongings that they’d managed to get from the van. He first sorted between what things belonged to him—various knickknacks and whatnot that he’d left in there over the years—and what things belonged to Sniper. Then he sorted between what things he would want to keep, what things could be returned to their employer (mostly weaponry and such), and what things should go to Sniper’s parents.

He had to wear a suit to the funeral, and he only owned the one. The first time he’d worn it was for his court date. The most recent time he’d worn it was on a date on Valentine’s Day to a fancy restaurant. Sniper had muddled his way through putting in a reservation a whole four months in advance, and they’d needed to drive almost an hour to get there (even speeding a little bit), and after the dinner they’d spent another hour just wandering around the town and talking and laughing and it was maybe one of the best days of Scout’s life, besides how annoying it was to get into and out of a suit.

And now he was putting it on a short few months later for a funeral.

He met Sniper’s parents in that suit, at a funeral with an empty casket. An upset, distraught elderly couple, who squinted at him and his accent and asked him exactly how he knew their Mickey, a father who’d scowled at him when he averted his eyes and mumbled that he was a friend, a mother who’d looked at him so knowingly and had to reach up quite a way to pat him on the shoulder comfortingly, but who wouldn’t say anything not long later when that father had demanded that he get out, having decided that Scout and any of his other “crazed blood-money coworkers” could stay the hell away from the funeral they’d all earned for his son.

For the last four days of his official leave he went home. Dropped off any of the things that he didn’t need, in his old room. He was reminded of how much he loved his Ma, because she hadn’t asked anything about why he was there, only how long he had until he needed to leave again. All he could think about for the first day was what she would’ve said to Sniper if it was the other way around. The fact that she would’ve needed to reach to pat him on the shoulder.

She asked the first question on the second day, in the morning as Scout leaned against the counter and ate breakfast. He’d left a few things on the table, and she’d seen some of the pictures there, and who was his friend? The one in the sunglasses and the suit? She didn’t want to pry, and knew that he wasn’t allowed to talk about his job or anything, but it was just that she hadn’t seen him smile like that in years.

He told her everything. Of course he did. And maybe he shouldn’t have, because he wasn’t supposed to talk about his job, but he did. And she nodded, and asked a few questions about what she didn’t understand, but by the end of it she didn’t make any comments, say anything derogatory about his choice of date, just pulled him into a hug and said that she was sorry.

He admitted to her, quietly, that some part of him didn’t believe it. Couldn’t. Was sure that he’d somehow been okay, because they couldn’t find a body, so maybe he was okay, maybe he was alive somewhere, maybe he wasn’t really gone, maybe maybe maybe. One maybe after another. And she’d quietly assured him that it was okay. It was okay to believe in that. That maybe that was what would get him through the next however long. But that it was also okay to move on, eventually. As long as he didn’t get stuck.

He wondered, if his own dad was around, if he would’ve tried to kick Sniper out of Scout’s funeral. At least he knew that his Ma wouldn’t have allowed it.

When he got back to base, nobody said anything to him. Nobody asked. They left him alone, for the most part, left him to his own devices. Miss Pauling let him know on the return briefing that they’d tracked down the people that did it, and they’d been dealt with. When pressed, she informed him that all of the members of the group responsible for his murder had been killed.

Scout wasn’t a mercenary, not really, not in any way that mattered. But he wished, desperately, more than he could ever put into words, that he could’ve been the one hired to do it.

“When you’re gone” - part 2

Summary + Chapter 1

Comment if you like it ♥

Chapter II

It had been two weeks now.

Two entire weeks of a world Tony Stark wasn’t part of anymore and still, Peter wasn’t ready to come out and face the emptiness he had left into his own life. It was just too brutal, too confusing, and too sad.

Ned had come to visit almost every day in hope that, at some point, Peter would consider leaving his bedroom and catch some fresh air. Every single attempt failed as he barely had the force to get out of his room to share a meal with his aunt. Sometimes he would simply watch his meal until it was completely cold. His entire world had collapsed and now it felt like he had no goal left. Even thinking about MJ didn’t bring him a single happy thought, he had simply lost interest in his ordinary life.

“School’s starting tomorrow” May stated as she grabbed a few dirty clothes from his bedroom floor “you should get your stuff ready for the big day!”

“You’re calling this a big day?

-          Last year of high school, this is HUGE.

-          Whatever, I’m not going anyway.”

Peter flinched at the sound of the laundry basket being dropped on the wooden floor. When he looked up, May looked furious.

“Okay that’s it, get up, now!

-          Wow, what’s up with you May?

-          I’ve been patient and I know you’re hurt honey but I won’t let you drop out of school and make stupid decisions like this! So you better get your ass out of this bed or I’ll drag you out of your bedroom so fast you won’t get to use your freaking magic spider sense!”

She was sat by his bed now, pulling at the cover so she could finally look into his eyes.

“What happened is truly awful and we’ll mourn Tony for as long as we get to live… But… Life needs to go on. You’re 17. Do you think he saved you so you could spend your days in bed playing Fall of Duty in your boxers?

-          That’s… Call of Duty actually

-          Whatever! This is a stupid game and you’re smarter than this, Peter.

-          I just don’t know how to do it…

-          One step at a time baby.”

With a tender hand resting on his cheek, she pecked his forehead.

“First step: take a shower, you smell like a rotted dead fish.” She winced, “Happy’s coming over for dinner, he’ll be happy to see you looking fresh.”

“Happy’s been coming a lot lately…

-          He’s been really supportive. Now out! Shower!” she snapped her fingers, grabbed her laundry basket and left the room so she wouldn’t have the conversation she was dreading.

There’s was something therapeutic about long, hot showers and though his heart was still heavier than ever, Peter couldn’t deny he was lucky to have May to kick his ass when he needed her to.

Walking back into his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his hips, Peter could smell his aunt famous’ meatloaf cooking from the kitchen. She was right, life would still go on even if it didn’t seem that appealing without his dear friend in it.

As he looked for a fresh pair of pants and some socks, his eyes were inevitably drawn to a few pictures he had pinned on his wall, right above his desk. Every person he’d ever loved was in there. His parents, his uncle Ben and May on their wedding day, Ned, MJ, Happy… And of course, Tony. His heart sunk into his chest as he grabbed a picture of himself holding a little girl wearing Iron Man’s helmet with her hands wrapped around his neck, recognizing Tony’s daughter, Y/N.

If only he had a chance, Peter would go back to this day just so he would get to hang out with Tony and his family again. To think he wouldn’t get to see his daughter grow into a woman (and probably terrorize any man willing to date her) was heartbreaking, especially when he thought of the way she looked at the funeral. She seemed both devastated and angry with no helmet for her to hide her feelings anymore.

He remembered every detail of the day he had met Y/N, 8 years ago.

 ***

 It was the first time Peter ever stepped into Tony Stark’s actual home. So far, they had met at Stark Industries or in random places all over the world but today, Tony had invited his young apprentice into the intimacy of his Home.

The weather was incredible that day, sunny and warm like a summer afternoon even though it was in the middle of March. Peter didn’t know why he’d been lucky enough to be invited here but he felt extremely thankful for it.

“Hi Peter, please come in” Pepper buzzed him in on the huge monitor in front of the main gate. Of course Tony Stark’s house was surrounded by a thousand of video cameras. After all, he was one of the most powerful man in New-York City, not to mention that he was, well, Iron Man.

Stepping into such a huge mansion wasn’t anodyne for Peter, a kid from Forest Hills. This looked nothing like anything he’d seen back in the Queens.

“He’s down in his workshop if you want to join!” Pepper smiled as she seemed busy with paperwork. She quickly led him towards the elevator, giving him the instructions to enter the basement like he was standing in the heart of the SHIELD’s offices. Everything seemed cool and impressive for an ordinary teenager.

Peter could hear AC/DC blasting from afar as he reached the basement. In front of the big steel doors he found a screen, just like Pepper had told him and as soon as he stood in front of it, a facial scan started.

“Welcome, Peter Parker” – with a click, the main doors opened for him.

“Hi kiddo!” Tony was working on a new armor that looked like a bigger, smarter version of his original Iron Man suit. Peter had always been impressed at how easy Tony made it look when it came to technology. As much of a geek he might be, Peter could never be on that level of perfection.

“New suit?

-          Yeah… Well, we’ll see where this goes, I’ve been thinking.”

Tony always seemed to say this. It’s like he never slept at night because somehow, that’s when his greatest ideas came alive. It was just crazy to think that a man could come up with incredible weapons and crazy armors just over a sleepless night. Would he be given the same amount of time, Peter wouldn’t even get through a school assignment.  

“Your house is incredible, thanks for the invite Mr Stark

-          It’s Tony

-          Alright, Tony.” Peter smiled, genuinely flattered Tony Stark himself would consider him close enough to name it anything but Mr Stark.

-          By the way, not that I wouldn’t have you there randomly but… Someone was dying to meet you and you know me, I aim to please.

-          Really, who!?”

Peter was secretly hoping it would be Nick Fury. He was just as scared as an admirer of the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. He couldn’t wait for the day he would make him an Avenger. To this day, it remained his biggest dream.

“Come on out honey, don’t be shy…” Tony smiled in a way Peter had never seen before.

Clearly, he would never call Nick Fury “honey”, so that dream was off the table for today.

Then a little girl came out, fiddling with her hands and avoiding all eye contact.

“Hi?” Peter smiled at her shyness, “is that Y/N?”

“My one and only” Tony stated proudly.

Tony had told him about his daughter, Y/N and how she had changed his whole life. What didn’t matter before, like getting injured or stepping closer to an inevitable death, mattered now. Happy had even told Peter that becoming a father had made Tony more anxious, more stressed. It was a different dynamic now that he had something to lose. Of course there was Pepper too, but she was hot and smart, she’d find a new husband. Y/N would never find a new dad.

Getting down on one knee, Peter welcomed the little girl as warm as possible. She could sense she was a bit star struck for some reason, but he had always been amazing with kids. She wouldn’t be the exception.

“Hi, I’m Peter!” he beamed, reaching for her hand.

“Oh she knows!” Tony chuckled “she’s not usually that shy, she’s just… impressed.” Tony watched the expression on Peter’s face change immediately “Don’t get too cocky, she just likes you very veeeery much, right honey?”

The little girl nodded then went straight into Peter’s arms for a hug.

“Aw that’s cute!” Peter smiled, holding the little girl against him.

“Yeah well, be careful, her dad’s kind of a psycho!”

Looking closer, Peter could definitely tell she was a Stark. She had her father’s eyes and mischievous smile but sometimes she would give you one of Pepper’s famous cocky look. Everything about her screamed “I’m the result of two geniuses’ love” and he could tell she’d become a smart ass in the future. Secretly, he hoped he’d still be around to see that, only because it would mean Tony would still be his mentor.

           The rest of the day went blissfully. Peter learned more about Y/N and had the privilege to see her “astrology” themed bedroom with a ceiling covered with stars that would shine in the dark, her massive telescope her daddy had built for her 8th birthday and all twelve names of her favorite toys. Out of everything, the cutest thing was the spider-man figurine she kept on her bedside table. There was no denying he was for sure, her favorite super-hero.

When Peter left, Tony grabbed Y/N into his arms for her to wave goodbye to her new friend.

“Daddy? She asked after a while

-          Yes sweetheart?

-          When I grow up, I want to marry spider-man.”

Pepper couldn’t help but laugh at Tony’s face, a perfect mix between the astonishment and the one he’d given her when she had keyed his favorite car “just for fun”.

“That kid will have to kill me first” he joked, walking back into the house as he held the most precious gift life had given him.

Thinking about it, Peter probably wasn’t the worst choice she could make… when she’d turn 30.

***

“Peter???”

Peter realized he must have blacked out for a while when he caught a glimpse of his aunt May and Happy at his doorway. How long had he been dreaming?

“Oh errr, sorry, I was just… thinking… Good to see you Happy!

-          Hi kid, I’d give you a hug but you’re underage and shirtless, so that’s weird!” Happy joked, pointing at Peter’s naked chest.

-          Dinner’s ready, May added, whenever you feel like joining us?

-          I’ll be out in a minute.”

Peter sighed as he pinned the picture back on the wall, wondering if he’d ever get to speak to Y/N again.

todoroki fuyumi

its time for me to gush about my underrated gal

- she??? is SO intelligent??? if she wanted to, she could have probably graduated college with a masters in literally anything she wanted or put her mind to. it's not only that she's super intelligent book-wise, but she's also socially smart, and has the determination to back her up

- she can also sing really well but doesnt sing often. well, she hums a lot, but never outright sings. it's become a habit to hum a song from her childhood when she's not focused on anything, or to calm down the children at her school, because when she was younger she used to sing/hum that song to her brothers to get them to sleep

- fuyumi practically raised shouto and natsuo herself, and as unfortunate as their circumstances were, they're super close to her. she likes to randomly text them during the day, simple messages like "hope your day is going well!" or "study hard!" shouto and natsuo would never admit it but both of them adore her texts and encouragements

- she! hates living at home! but she literally cannot move out! it's unfortunate but she doesn't have enough money with her current job, and she plans on maybe going back to school in the future, so financially it's better for her to just stay at home, as awful as it is for her. she also wants to be sure her dad isn't going crazy because, as much as she loaths to admit it, she still cares for him and doesn't want him to get hurt, even after everything he's done

- fuyumi is the Number 1 Shouto Fan, right beside a certain midoriya izuku. she gets super hyped about seeing some basic merch for her baby brother at the store that she excitedly takes a picture and sends it to him immediately

- her eyesight is absolutely horrible. like her glasses aren't just there for reading or because her eyesight is kinda bad, no. if she takes them off she can't see her hand right in front of her face. she would mistake a tree for a person right next to her

- she has a super big admiration for a lot of the heroes that had to hold up society after all might's final stand, especially heroes such as hawks, miruko, edgeshot, and ryukyu, who are so young (around her age) and still doing so much for society

- her quirk is like, EXTREMELY powerful, just not in the way end**vor wanted. her quirk is an ice quirk, but her body was mostly built for a fire quirk, so if she uses it she could potentially get hypothermia or awful iceburn marks along her skin, which is why she is seen in canon almost always wearing long sleeves

- okay i'm one of those losers that loves the dabi is a todoroki theory and i'm not saying that touya/dabi and fuyumi are twins but touya/dabi and fuyumi are definitely twins

- they're complete opposites in everything they do. touya's eyesight is amazing, fuyumi's is shit. touya's body was built for fuyumi's ice quirk, and fuyumi's body was built for touya's ice quirk. i'm thinking something happened in their development that caused them to get each other's quirk

- touya left at a young, age, and fuyumi was (rightfully) outraged. she understood that he wanted out of their abusive situation, but he just left her with two younger siblings to take care of alone and an abusive father, their mother was already in the hospital and fuyumi was the only parental figure that natsuo and shouto had. it was rough for a long time for them, but they eventually got into a rhythm, and now shouto and natsuo regard fuyumi as the most important figure in their lives, parental or otherwise

- it's canon that fuyumi works with kids out of guilt of not being able to help shouto during their younger years, so going off of that i think that she's 100% the best teacher her school has ever seen. she not only knows how to deal with good and well-behaved kids, but she can also deal with misbehaving and "awful" kids as well, unlike a lot of other teachers. she never gets mad at them unrightfully and often gets to the roots of their issues, and always reprimands them but never yells. all of this knowledge and practice comes from dealing with quiet and accepting shouto, while also dealing with loud and wild and angry natsuo. she knows that kids at that age aren't bad just to be bad, and she always waits and listens to them before punishing them unrightfully (wow this bullet was a tangent)

- she knows who dabi is right away. she fuckin knows it's her dumbass brother, she's one of the only people in the world that could recognize his quirk anywhere. she would never say anything, of course, but that doesn't stop her from harboring negative feelings towards the villain, while also simultaniously hoping he's okay at any moment in time. like she'll see a new broadcast about dabi fighting someone again and she'll be all "god that fucking idiot i hope he gets arrested so he can think about his actions" in her head while also going "but don't hurt him! don't lock him up he's just hurting! that's my brother you heathens touch him and i'll evicerate you!!!" at the same time. this leads to a lot of internal conflict

- fuyumi likes to randomly pop up at UA to give shouto little gifts she bought becuase they reminded her of him

- she also stops by natsuo's uni every day to drop off a hand cooked lunch she prepared for him just so she can be sure he eats in between all his studying

- fuyumi 100% does not blame her mother for anything that happened in her childhood, but that does not mean that she immediately got over it. she still sometimes looks back and gets a little resentful, because she was only eleven or so when their mom left, she was only a child, and she was forced to become a mother. she acknowledges that it wasn't her mother's fault at all, but that does nothing to deter her negative feelings sometimes

- she visits her mother once a week. they often talk about how she's doing and how work is, or how her mom's recovery is coming along (because despite everything, no amount of therapy is going to completely heal any of them). sometimes the conversation will lull because something that reminded them of end**vor will be brought up, and a quiet understanding will pass between them that neither of them are ready to face that quite yet

- fuyumi is probably a raging lesbian sorry i don't make the rules

- when she was younger she and touya snuck a cat into her room for a few weeks because it was a stray that wouldn't leave their property and they didn't want their dad finding it and throwing it out

- she! will probably never forgive end**vor for what he did to her family! but that doesn't mean she doesn't still dream of a perfect family!!! fuyumi is one of those people who doesn't like to completely acknowledge what happened and focuses more on the future. she wants her family to be happy together, and that includes the raging flame man, but she knows inside that it will never happen.

- she had to mediate between her brothers and her father a lot as a kid so now she's amazing at mediating between the kids in her classes. like they'll start fighting over crayons and the dispute will be over in under a minute because of her. she's a pro at mitigating arguments

- i can't think of anything else besides i love her and she deserves more recognition because she literally held the todoroki family together for years so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

don't be afraid to send me stuff! i love hearing other people's headcanons and also i love hearing people gush about my favorite characters so if you love fuyumi as much as i do pop into my dms or asks and just go off about her! thanks for reading!

everything.

I was working one day, and a boy came in for an interview, already wearing his white polo which i thought was silly. He didn't have the job yet but he came in wearing his uniform. He was so handsome. His hair cut perfectly, his beard groomed so well, he smelled incredible, all the time. (Blue Nautica, i still wear it to this day.), His smile was everything. His eyes were the type you could just stare into and get lost. And the little wrinkles underneath his eyes would pop out when he smiled real big.The moment i saw him, i hoped he would be hired for our store. He was. I was excited. Although i was married, he was nice to look at, he was funny, and he seemed so perfect with his flirtacious ways. I looked forward to my shifts with him. We all got to know him and bits and pieces of his story. He was living at pathway, the sober home for boys. He told us about his drinking problem, and how proud of himself he was for being sober now. That is admirable in my  eyes. The efforts to better your life and overcome an addiction is a great thing. Even more of a turn on, for some reason. There came a point where the flirting got more serious. We made a group chat called "squad" with me, him, and another employee/my best friend. It was an innocent thing at first, just pick up lines, flirting, sending pictures in our underwear, never too revealing. He would compliment me and her, and it made us feel good. I wasn't complimented by my husband, i wasnt given attention anymore. I craved it, and this boy gave me exactly what i was looking for. Eventually we started seeing him out of work. He came to a birthday party for my best friends child. He was so good with all of the kids. Mine as well. He was so good with her. I took videos of him playing with her, teaching her how to blow a flute and bubbles. The joy i captured in these videos was amazing, and i still have those videos to this day. That is one thing i can't bring myself to ever get rid of. I remember standing with him outside my car after the party, and our innocent flirting made me so happy and feel so good. This man was perfect. Over the summer we did so much together. From going to Litz almost daily, to hanging out in my friend's apartment, we would stay out all night sometimes. The flirting got really overwhelming between us three at one point. I didn't want to cheat on my husband, even though i knew i wasn't happy in my marriage and didn't want to be with him. I told this boy flat out he would be better off getting with my friend. So he did, that same night. I remember knowing that he was going over there, and i was a mixture of jealous and upset for sure. But what right did i have? I was married..and i told him to go for it with her. They did. The next day i picked her up to go to the mall, and at first she told me nothing happened. It wasn't until we got to the mall that she spilled all the details to me. She and him did hook up. But, he made her promise not to tell me, because he didn't want me to know. She was a good friend to be truthful with me. As for him, i was salty towards him. "Friends dont lie" was our saying for a while. We went to Litz that day and i couldn't help but be rude as hell to him until he admitted it to me. He did, and i let it go because again, i told him to do it. We went for ice cream together that night, and he bought my daughter her first ice cream cone and boy, was it messy. They shared a shake, i took pictures of that too. I loved watching him with my Daughter. It gave me hope that maybe i could still be happy, without her father. He and I hungout alone next. We brought my daughter to gilman. We had so much fun, and trust me, i took pictures then too. So did he. See, thats one thing i really loved about him. He would always capture beautiful moments between me and my daughter. Something nobody else has ever done, and still doesn't to be honest.  When i dropped him off to his sober house, he kissed me. It was amazing. It felt RIGHT. and when we finished kissing, the guy that runs the house was right at my passenger window, watching and waiting for us to be done. How embarassing, right? Yet i drove away with such a big smile. Since then, our relationship kept growing. I loved it. He would always send me cute songs, and i would send him songs back. That was an all the time thing for us. Anytime we thought of eachother, wed make sure the other knew. Out of all the songs, we really stuck to "The way" by Mac Miller and Ariana grande. I loved it, especially because those are my two favorite artists. He had a ton of love for Mac Miller and Ariana Grande. Did i mention he bought me a ticket to see Ariana Grande for my birthday? It was an incredible experience. We started spending every day and night together. I would hangout hangout with him, then id drop my daughter off to her father and go back out for the night. We would always have a good time. I remember we were in my friends parking lot for HOURS, listening to music, playing Uno, shooting these cool things in the sky that would glow. I wanted to show off and do some gymnastics..so i stupidly, took off my shoes for some reason, and did a round off barefoot in the parking lot. I broke my foot that night, but that  didn't stop us from going to price chopper while im hopping sround on one leg because it was probably midnight when i broke my foot and didn't want to go to the hospital. Price chopper was our spot. We even had our own spot we would park. It was 24 hrs, so we would just go play hide and seek in there. We would sit in the parking lot for hours, and just talk and kiss. It felt so right. He was perfect. He was everything i ever wanted. Eventually, he moved onto a new apartment for sober boys. He had his own room and more freedom then. So, i helped him move in. I organized all his things, all his clothes, i got him comfortable there. It was now our spot. We would go there, lay in bed and tell each other stories about ourselves. He told me about his alcoholism, and how he was arrested once because he gave his mother a ride and she had heroin in the vehicle. He told me how she was an addict, and how much he hated heroin and thought it was disgusting. I agreed. Heroin is a drug i can never understand. Why would anyone ever want to shove a needle in themselves and risk dying every single time? It makes no sense. And he agreed with me. He told me that his sister basically took care of him. He loved her. He would always tell me about her. To this day, i would have loved to meet her. We tried once, but i will get to that part. I left my husband september 2nd. I knew what i had with this boy was real, and i was so happy. Happiest ive been in so long. It was a hard, and lifechanging decision i made. I now had to move out of the house we bought, i had to leave all my stuff behind, including my dogs. That killed me. But i knew it was the right decision. I was unhappy for so long, and this boy showed me that there is more to life, and that i didn't have to settle. It was hard for a while, i was scared for a long time. I'll admit, i did go back and forth between my husband and him for a little while. But i knew what i WANTED, and it was him. It was always him, from the second he came into my life. There was so much about this boy that i loved. He was the best, and i truly mean that. He was always there for me. He worked three jobs, and still made time for me. He seemed to have his life together, and i could see myself building a future with him. Things started to change, but they weren't even really big changes. So i thought nothing of it. He stopped working his third job first. But who cared? He still had two jobs. He was still great. He used to spend a lot of money on scratch tickets, that was a big addiction of his. But he would ALWAYS WIN! I swear he had the best luck, he would win $500 so often it was crazy! Another addction he had, was shoes. Ive never seen a man have so many fricken shoes. He was a pretty boy, and ALWAYS looked and smelled so good. I loved that. Sometimes i feel like we were together forever, but looking back, it was such a short time before things started going wrong. He had these pains in his stomach, so i sat with him at the hospital while he was monitored. They gave him morphine to ease his pain. And he ended up getting a few prescriptions. Nothing crazy, they didn't give him any opiods or anything. But the night after, he called me. He sounded fucked up. He wouldn't like, speak to me. The things he was saying made no sense at all, and he sounded very out of it. I asked if he smoked weed, he said no. I asked if he drank, he said no. He said "the lady on the bike gave him some pills" and i was crying, begging him to tell me what he took. Eventually after screaming and crying his name, he snapped back into reality. He swears he never did any drugs that night, but i know how he was acting. I didn't think much into it, probably because i didn't want to believe he would do something like that. I held a grudge for a couple days, and id always randomly ask about that night, hoping one day he would tell me the truth. He never did admit anything about that night. But i know. He didn't really have any more of those episodes. But he started telling little lies. To me, i feel that everyone lies about something at some point. There are so many things i should have noticed, but i didn't. I'm always going to be mad at myself over it. There were signs. So many signs. And i didn't notice them, until it was too late. He started letting his hair grow out more than normal. He stopped shaving as much. He stopped buying scratch tickets. He lost his second job, and was down to one. It started at the end of september. September 28th, 2019. I went to hyper glow with my friends, and he hungout with a mutual friend, who was a heroin addict. At this point, i still was under the impression this boy was just an alcoholic, so i didn't think much into him hanging out with a junkie. I was wrong. I shouldn't have encouraged him to hangout with the guy. I did. I did that. And i'll HATE myself forever for that. I didn't know yet, but what i'm about to explain next, is the beginning of the truth being exposed. I was at work. So was he. And another coworker on shift with us pulled me aside and asked me what was on his neck, and mentioned that lately he has been acting as if he's on drugs. I didn't even notice his neck. I grabbed him and looked, and i asked what it was. He went from "Its an ingrown hair" to "It must be a zit"..He was very defensive about it. Now, i was worried. How was everyone else noticing these things, but i wasn't? I finally made the decision to reach out to his sister. What she had to say, was something i never expected, and i can still feel the pain, shock, and heartbreak i felt that afternoon. She explained he has been a heroin/crack addict since he was a teenager. He has struggled with addiction his whole life. He was never an alcoholic. How did i not know? How could he lie to me SO much, so in depth? I was shocked. I don't think ive ever cried so hard. My perfect boy was not perfect at all. It was all a lie. EVERYTHING. I confronted him. He tried denying, but he knew i knew the truth now. To be honest, i dont think he's ever told me the truth first time around. I have to keep asking the same question over and over again until he finally tells the truth. Some things even now i don't know if it was true or not. I made the decision to help him. I tried to keep him sober. I did everything. I was with him all the time, really. I kept a close eye on him. So i thought. I seemed to not realize the weight he lost. He had nice love handles when we first started hanging out, he had meat on his bones.  He stopped eating actual food. He was only snacking. I didn't notice. I didn't notice he lost weight, because i was with him 24/7. Thinking back, boy was he so skinny. There were times that he wouldn't answer his phone, and i would panic. Was he okay? Did he relapse? Is he dead in his room right now? I have no way to get up there to save him. I was always terrified. I went to the heroin addicts house and got him to come check on my boy with me. He brought narcan. So, he KNEW that he was using. He knew what we might be walking into. He ended up being "Fine"..He just "knodded off"..which also happens when you do drugs. I was in denial. I wouldn't let mysel believe what was right in front of my eyes. Not yet, anyways. We continued our relationship. We would stay out all night, in the price chopper parking lot. Hell, we made it to planet fitness one night. That was the first night we had sex. We would go swimming at queen lake late at night, we would just drive while he sang to me. Boy i loved the way hed look at me and sing certain verses to me. He made me feel special. I think that overpowered all the bad, and that's why i chose to not believe what was happening. I understood why he didn't tell anyone he was a recovering heroin addict. None of us would have given him a chance. We wouldn't have looked at him the same. I don't blame him for lying about that. But, i blame him from keeping it from me once we became as close as we did. We had a different bond, a different relationship, and i thought we would be 100% honest with each other. October 25th, 2019. I got a message from his roommate. He told me he found him in his room, overdosed, and luckily his roommate found him in time to narcan him. He then stole this mans property and took off and sold it. Thats when i knew exactly what i was dealing with. He relapsed. He overdosed. He stole to get money, to do it again. How does one literally DIE from this drug, and still want to do it again and again? That part i'm never going to understand.  Why was ruining his life with these drugs a better option than me? We could have had a life together. We could have had everything. But heroin was more important. I kept trying. I tried for so long. There are so many things that he did to me that i can't even name them all. Like the iphone i gave him? He "lost" it. No. He sold it. I bought him another iphone for his birthday. Guess what he did with that one? Sold it. He got fuvked up and left his car in leominster at a gas station for days, that it got towed. $600 to get it back. Who paid for that? Me. I put it on my credit card. He said he would pay me back. Why was i stupid enough to believe that? I did everything i could for him. I really did. It was never enough. I sent him to detox 4 times..before he actually stayed in the program. I never knew what addiction was like. I never dealt with it. Ive never seen it as up close and personal as i did with him. It changed me. That's the whole reason im writing this. I am not the person i used to be. I am damaged. heartbroken. devastated. hurt. hopeless. mad. sad. frusterated. The list goes on. I feel like a failure. I wanted to save this boy. It was my goal. I tried so hard, i did so much, and he is still sick. It kills me. It haunts me every day. Should i have tried harder? Should i have stayed by his side? It's my fault he relapsed. I know it. He wouldn't let me think that way, but we both knew. If i never went back and forth between him and my husband, things might be different. I know that i'm not at fault for his relapse, but i know i had something to do with it. I will never shake that feeling. There are so many memories i have with him that are now triggers for me. It's like, everywhere i go, i think of last summer when it was us. Going to Litz is hard, because we would always have so much fun playing in the water or relaxing on the beach. We would go to the 140 car wash eally late at night, just to clean my car, to go get his car directly after and clean that one. My favorite video i ever took of him was there. It was such a simple video that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else. But the way he looked at me, and shut the car door, was just a feeling i'll never be able to shake off. He always looked at me like i was special. Like i was the most beautiful and important person, ever. That boy had me wrapped around his finger. He knew it. But to be fair, i think he was wrapped around mine too. He would do anything for me. I trusted him. I trusted him more than anything. That is where i fucked up. Times started to get tough, but i stuck by his side. I wanted to be the one to save him i guess. I needed to. It became my biggest priority. I knew where he was 24/7, because he was always with me. I knew what i was dealing with, to a point. He started needing to borrow money, and of course, i let him. Anything he needed, i made sure he got it, and he took advantage of that.  He ended up jobless. I remember the last day we worked at Dunkins, i was MAD. Mad that i knew what he was doing behind my back. I remember calling him a liar and fighting with him in the parking lot, we made a scene and people were watching. We were screaming at each other, and i punched him right in the face. He then went inside, and i drove off. You'd think that would have been the end of us, but it wasn't even close. We ended up talking again and things got "fine" again, i guess. I started to distance myself a little, but not much. Sometimes i think something was wired wrong in my brain. All these red flags, and i ignored them all. I continued to fall deeper and deeper in love, while being taken advantage of. But i felt NEEDED. I felt as if i was his ONLY chance at redeeming himself and getting sober again. I sent him to his first detox in the end of October, 2019. Detox is a 7 day program. I was at work on the 5th day, and i got a call from him. He needed me to come get him, he got "kicked out for fighting with someone"..i believed that. I picked him up. After that i realized he wasn't kicked out, he WANTED out. And he did exactly that. You can only assume he went right back to using, right? Exactly. Behind my back once again. But i knew. I ALWAYS knew after a while. I noticed the patterns. Yet i still stayed and did everything i could. We found him a place in Leominster to move into. It was a beautiful home. He had his own room, and bathroom, he was the only one living on the first floor. It was great, and it was a place i could bring my daughter as well because there was room to play. Stupid me, i know i shouldn't have brought my daughter around him. But he was NEVER fucked up around us. Yet, anyways. I would sleepover his new place every time i didn't have my baby. I would have to leave at 4am, so i could get to work on time because i opened, but i never minded waking up that early, because sleeping with him all night was worth it. Laying on his chest was my favorite. I couldn't tell you why, but i felt so safe. So loved. So cherished. I felt special, always. I can't leave out the part where i have to admit, our sex was incredible. It really was. There was one time, we had the most intense sex ever. Like five stars, INSANE, sweaty, every position you could think of. He was CRAZY that one night. Come to find out, he died and was narcaned that same morning. So i'm assuming it was mostly the adrenaline from cheating death, again. In me & his entire relationship, i know for sure of him being narcaned 5 times total. There could have been more times, definitely, and probably. But i only know of 5, and they were all fairly close together. Why? Why can someone die from this drug, AND DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN? Why was i never enough for him? Why couldn't be stay sober? He could have REALLY died, and what about me? He never thought of how it would effect me. Heroin is probably the most SELFISH addiction. It makes me sick. After everything i've done for him, he still chose that over me. I started working at a bar. He would always come and sit there with me. I loved his company, truly.  He would sit there and drink soda like a good boy, and i knew he was safe because he was with me. It was when i wasn't with him, that i worried all the time. There was one night at the bar, i made really good money. I made over $100, so i cashed in my small bills for a $100 bill, then the rest $20s. I remember putting my money in my wallet. I had $40 in my car door to give to him for gas, cigarettes, etc. Money his uncle gave me for him, but i was in charge of his money, because his uncle knew what he would do if he had it in his possession. I gave himm the $40 from my car door, i am positive. We were sitting in my car and i let my guard down. What's crazy is he reached into my backseat, and sneakily took money from my wallet. He didn't know i had the $100 bill. He only meant to take small bills so i wouldn't notice as easily. I dropped him off, and he called me telling me i accidently gave him $100 and he was "doing the right thing" by calling me to return it. Then he claimed i never gave him the $40 from my car door, and it mustve fallen out of my car. He went with me all the way back to the bar to look for it in the parking lot. I knew i didn't lose or drop it. I knew he took it and he was trying to cover it up. I hoped when we got there that he would take the money from his pocket, drop it in he parking lot and "find it" and give it back. It was never found though. But, it was never REALLY lost. I let him play innocent and i just played along. I wasn't going to argue and keep calling him out when he refused to tell the truth. There were plenty of times he took money from me. You know, i had $200 worth of change in my car at work. Unlocked. Stupid, i know. I've worked there 5 years though, i knew my car wouldn't get broken into..until it did. He denies it to this day, but i truly believe he stole that money as well. When he needed his fix, he did anything to get it. I guess it's time to bring up the big one now. When he stole my card out of my wallet. I left my purse in my bathroom. I had him over, we were hanging out, trying to find a new program to go to since the one he was at didn't work out. This boy went to detox 4 times before he actually stuck it out, and completed what he needed to do. As i'm trying to help him get better, he's going behind my back, still. Screwing me over. It's November now when this happened. He took my debit card right from my own wallet. I never used that card. It was linked to my husbands account. He knew that, and that's why he took it. He didn't think i would notice. Until my ex went to go take money out to realize his account had been drained. I looked into it, and it was MY card that was being used in the ATMs withdrawing money. I knew it was him. I couldn't believe it. With christmas and my daughters birthday just around the corner, how could he  take so much from me? From him? From HER? An innocent child who he claimed he loved so much. I do believe he loved her. And me. I just think that he had to do whatever he had to do to get his drugs, and didn't care who it hurt or effected. I tried calling him and finding him, but i couldn't. He knew he was caught. I had no choice but to call the bank and shut the card down, and go to the police to file a report against him. End game for us you think? No. Our story didn't end there, I had him for multiple charges, and it i actually did a proper follow up, i could have had him locked up, and i could have gotten all my money back. Which in total, he took about $2000 from me. A smart person would have done that, right? Not me. I decided to give him ANOTHER chance to redeem himself. Go get help. Go into a program and STAY in the program. That's when he went to Washburn house. He did good for a while. I didn't get to talk to him much, he could only call at night, but i would always wait for his call. He finished his detox there and was in the second step of the program. I was proud of him. I was happy that he was finally doing the right thing. After a while, he decided that he didn't need the program anymore, wanted to leave and start his life over, again. He swore he would stay sober, because he wanted to be in our lives so badly. I trusted him. It was a day or two before my birthday that he got released. Yay! I finally got to see him again. I was so happy and so hopeful this time would be different. I have to admit, i have a big mouth. And everyone knew what he had done to me, along with everything he's been doing. The lying, the using, the stealing, everything. So at this point, none of my friends supported my relationship with him. He was bad. I knew that. He did bad things, yes. But, i knew him differenty than everybody else. So to me, their opinions didn't matter. He was everything to me. He still made me feel loved, needed, and happy. I hid my relationship with him. Only a couple friends knew what i was up to. For them, i am forever grateful. The support, the shoulder to cry on when things got bad, the advice yet no judgement. I needed it. To this day, i have a couple friends that still understand me and how hard this last year has been for me. There was a point i didn't think i would recover from this. I couldn't even hold myself together at work, because while i was there, especially saturdays, i would be miserable and cry. Why? Because saturdays used to be my favorte day to work. Because of him. The flirting, the sneaking in the walk in/freezer/back door to kiss. It was sweet, and sneaky, and i LOVED it. Without him there, it was all i could think about. Why couldn't things have stayed that way? Why did it all have to change and get SO complicated? Why did i have to end up so HURT and LOST in the end? Back to my birthday, anyways. He spent the day with me. It was good. I was happy. I had plans with my friends that night. We were partying, i had a whole party at the bar. He couldn't come because again, we were a secret at this point. Everyone hated him and he understood. At this point in my life, i will admit i may have had a drinking problem. Through everything he did to me and put me through, i needed to numb the pain. I spent a lot of time at the bars. I was getting drunk almost every night. It was a routine. He saw what he did to me. He realized that the girl who never drank, seemed to always need a drink now. I got trashed on my birthday of course. It was a great night and i loved every second of it. I kept texting him through the night, and i called him drunk when i got home. Not the first, nor the last drunk call i've made to him. I would always drunk call him a billion times until he would wake up and talk to me because at the end of the night, i only wanted to hear his voice. He would always talk to me about eerything and kept talking to me until i was ready to go to sleep. The day after my birthday was the day shit really hit the fan. I was hungover, obviously. I didn't feel good at all, and i was supposed to hangout with him. I bailed, and he was so mad at me. He was staying at a homeless shelter in fitchburg at that point and found a way to gardner so i didn't have to drive all the way out there. He sat at mcdonalds all day waiting for me, but i was not only hungover. I was coming to realize that i didn't want to be in a relationship i had to hide from everybody else i loved. If i was to be in a relationship, i wanted it to be with someone who could come around my friends and family. That was the day i decided to become distant. He freaked out, like really freaked out. I wish i still had the messages and voicemails. I felt bad, but i knew it was time to do the right thing for myself. That night, he checked back into washburn. He said he drank two nips to get them to let him back in, but i know he had money and could have gotten his heroin. I believe he did, even though he never admitted it. He's back at washburn now, getting help again. This time, he really stuck it out. He completed his programs. I Stayed in contact with him, because i wanted to know how he was doing and how his recovery was going. I would message him almost every day, some nights i would get phone calls. He was always there for me. Through all the bullshit my exhusband would put me through, he was always the one i would call and vent to. He always had the best advice and always made me feel better about whatever situation i was in. Now that we weren't together, i did meet someone else. At the bar, actually. He came in, and i was desperate to get over this boy. He was my rebound. But it didn't go as well as id hoped. He was a coke head/alcoholic. Why did i attract these men that need help? But don't want the help. I ended it with him, because if i was going to fix anyone, it would and will always be the boy that meant everything to me from the day he walked into my life. I never really stopped talking to him. He would sometimes try to ghost me because i would be "better off" which is not a lie. I would be. But i had an attachment to him that nobody could ever break. We stayed in contact. Always checking in on each other. Sometimes we would speak about being together again, though we both knew it would never be possible after all the things he's done. He got a job through washburn. He was doing GREAT. He was  starting to look at cars and apartments back in Gardner. He wanted to come back. I wanted him to come back, i won't deny that. I knew it would be hard for both of us, but i forever want to know what he's doing and i want to watch him become everything he has ever dreamt of. He had real goals this time. And he had every opportunity to get it all done. It kind of made me angry that he was finally going to get an apartment and do better in life, because i needed him to do that for me months ago. We could have been together, we could have had a good life. But at least he's doing the right thing now, right? So i thought. He was sending me all the apartments he was going to look at, and they were all really nice, and in Gardner. Which is what i wanted. I wanted him close. I wanted to know what he was up to and how good he was doing. I was excited for him. He got a car! I'm not sure how, because his red VW was repoed only like, 6 months ago? I know that because i remember the night it happened. We were at the Turtle, and driving home, he got pulled over and didn't have insurance. They towed the car, and i snuck him into my bedroom and he spent the night with me. I think that may have been the last night we spent together. He ended up giving up on the car because he had no money to get it out of the towing garage, no money to insure it, or pay for it. At that point, he hadn't paid on it in a long time. When he went into Washburn, i cleaned out his car. I took what i wanted and what i thought would be important to him. I saw all the narcan in his glove box. Along with SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. He told me once that heroin addicts live off sweets. Boy, they sure did. When i cleaned out his car, i kept his cologne. It was the scent that he always wore. I loved  it. I still wear it now. And i always think of him. The clean, well taken care of, good smelling, perfect boy i loved with my whole heart. At this point, i didn't know where that boy went. Now, i was just frusterated. Frusterated that i fell so har for him, changed my entire life for him, and this is how it ended up. Though, i will admit i am and will forever be grateful. This year, i have learned so many things. I have seen and gone through things that i never thought i would. I overcame things that i thought would tear me down and i would never be the same. Although it's true, i will NEVER be the same, i will always have a spot in my heart for him, but he's made it clear what's more important to him. I met up with him when he first got his new car. He was in the area, and asked me to show him where the waterfall was, where we used to go last summer. I met him, and had him follow me there. He and I talked for like 20 minutes, but it felt..different. But at the same time, i felt comfortable. Like nothing ever happened. He was clean now. At this time, 5 months sober. With a new car. A new job. Apartment searching. He was FINALLY doing it. I couldn't have been happier. But, he never got out of his car. I never got to even hug him, and to be honest, i don't remember the last time i was in his arms. I've tried to kind of blur out everything so i could try and forget. To heal. But realistically, there is no true healing from this. I'll never recover from any of this. But, i am smarter. I have learned. I have grown. And i wouldn't be where i am or who i am today if it wasn't for him. A week or two after i met up with him, i saw his car again. Where i saw it though, i PRAYED it wasn't him. I called him. No answer. I'm crying and panicking now. It was at the crack house that he used to spend all his time at when he was using.  He called back, after i drove by the car a few times. I knew it was his car. It had to be. When he called back, he claimed it was not him and he was on his way home from his sisters. I thought that was strange, considering it was a week day and his sister works a lot. When i drove by again, the car was gone. I reached out to his sister to confirm his story..He lied. No surprise. He's always lied. He was ALMOST 6 months sober. And there he was, back to his shit. Why would he put in all that effort and be SO CLOSE to having everything he's wanted? He threw it all away. I will never understand. He knew i was onto him, he knew his family was onto him, because i always reach out and tell his sister if i suspect anything or see anything. He ended up selling his cellphone, and going "missing"..I was a mess. Really. Knowing he is missing, and using again, he could be dead anywhere and nobody would know. The entire week he was missing, i looked for him for hours every day. I drove around Gardner so much, just hoping i'd find him or at least find someone who has seen him and knew he was okay. He finally posted on facebook that he was fine and checking himself in somewhere to get help again. I had a feeling that wasn't true. I hoped it was, but i think after everything, i know better. That is when i got emails saying someone was hacking into my accounts. Paypal, Venmo, my actual Email, etc. He started stealing money from me again. I tracked it back to him, because he was using his friends phone number, who is a known addict because i caught him lying to me saying he was with him a couple times, saying he was safe, when really he was just getting high with this guy right before i brought him to detox. I tracked the number to his friend, then tracked the number to the address. You'll never guess what the address was? The crack house he loved being at so much. Then i started noticing his car. He would park in different places, but close enough to walk back and forth to the crack house. He knew what he was doing to me again. I'll never understand why he would take from me..when all i've ever done is try to help him. Check up on him. I really thought we had a special relationship, a bond, i thought that him and i would always look out for eachother. But he was still out to fuck me over. I drive by his car every single day now. It's on the main road i take to go everywhere. It's literally 5 minutes from my house, if that. And what KILLS me every day, is that i know he's in there. I know what he's doing. I can't do anything to stop him. At this point, it's a waiting game. I believe you can only cheat death so many times. He has done it a lot, and i worry every day that i'm going to get that call or message that he's gone. I don't think he's coming back this time. I think this is it. I believe that when i get the honor to meet his wonderful sister who has been there for me through all of this, it will be at his funeral. I know i can't save him. I know he has ghosted his family, because he is ashamed of himself and doesn't want them up his ass. This is the life he has chosen. And it is such a shame, because he really has the most beautiful soul, he's a wonderful person, when he is sober. I will never be okay with any of this. I am not coming to terms with anything. I hurt, every single day. The whole point of writing this was to get it all out of my head, so try and heal a little bit. As this comes to an end, i have to admit that i don't feel any less heartbroken. I'll forever think of him every time i drive by that building. Everytime i hear certain songs (there are a LOT of songs that remind me of him, some seem as if i wrote them myself.) Everytime i go anywhere we made a memory, he will forever be in the back of my mind. This will stick with me for my whole life. I know that. So, to the boy that stole my heart the second he walked into dunkins... I hope you always know how much i have cared and loved you from day one. I hope all my efforts to help you, fix you, support you, meant something. I hope my drunk phone calls made you giggle and feel special because it was you i wanted to talk to all the time. I hope you meant everything you said on your list of things you loved about me, because i meant EVERYTHING on mine. I hope you regret chosing heroin over me. I hope you regret stealing from me time and time again. I hope you are ashamed of yourself and how you let the demons take over you. I hope you turn your life back around again, but i won't hold my breath this time. I am preparing for your death, but when it comes, please know i will not be okay. At all. But, you chose this. Nobody wanted to see you end up this way. Your family, your friends, me, we all were routing for you and so proud of you. I wish you were stronger. I wish you fought harder. I wish you didn't give in to the temptations. You could have had a beautiful, happy life. You would have made an amazing husband/father one day. I will never understand you or your choices. I will never regret you. I may never forgive you, but i pray for you. I pray you read this one day, and feel what i feel. And i hope that maybe it's enough to save yourself before it's too late. Nobody can save you but yourself. xo * (so cool) *

“Why do you hate me?” - Ben Hardy | part 15

a/n: i don’t know how to make fake IG posts, so it’s a little bad during that part :/ and again, i’m not sure if i 100% like this, but it’s something :) aaaand the ending sucks 😪

warnings: mentions of sex (no smut), language

Your POV:

Waking up the next morning, you noticed that Gwilym and Joe were the only ones who stayed. You don’t remember the rest leaving, but you also don’t remember falling asleep on Ben’s chest. Which, you were woken up by a rumble of laughter from Ben.

“Mornin’, darling. Fancy some leftover pizza? Or our breakfast from yesterday?” Ben asked when he saw you were awake.

“Pizza, of course.” He smirked and shook his head.

“That’s my girl.” You stood from your spot and walked to the kitchen to retrieve a cold piece of pizza. Once you had a plate with a couple pieces on it, you made your way back into the living room to talk with the boys before they left.

“I can’t believe you’re cheating on me, Ben. I guess I have to go back to cardboard Ben.” Your boyfriend rolled his eyes and pulled you closer.

“I can. (Y/N) is so much better than you…” Ben’s voice tapered off as he joked around. Joe gasped dramatically and clutched his chest. You and Gwilym shared a look that said ‘I can’t with these two.’

“So (Y/N) can cuddle you better than me?” Ben nodded.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t egg him on, I’d stop talking,” you whispered in Ben’s ear. He chuckled a little and shrugged.

“It’s fun. Fun to mess with him.” You rolled your eyes this time and went back to eating your “breakfast.”

The three of you continued to converse about random things going on in your lives, to talking about yours and Ben’s lives specifically.

“Are you going to announce you two are together? Because fans went crazy after seeing you two at the premiere together,” Joe asked and commented. That got you thinking. Did you want your relationship with Ben to be out there?

“Well, we’re going to the release party for my new movie tonight. So, I figured fans would assume we’re together,” Ben said, looking at you for your reaction.

“Only if you’re okay with it,” he added.

“I mean, I don’t want every aspect of our relationship to be publicized, but I think we should announce it instead of leaving everyone, including fans, speculating. Which can cause drama.”

“Should we post something after the premiere then? Like a rather intimate photo, something like us getting ready together, or having a moment before we walk the carpet?” Ben suggested.

“You could post one now. I don’t want to make this creepy or anything, but I took a photo of you two last night. (Y/N) fell asleep on you and as soon as you noticed, you wrapped your arms around her, and then you soon fell asleep,” Gwil said, handing you his phone, which was opened up to the photo. You and Ben both looked at it, grinning softly at the intimate moment. Sleeping in your home, although it wasn’t a bed, it was good enough. It immediately became your favorite picture of you and Ben.

“This is my favorite picture, Gwil. Thank you,” you said, handing his phone back. He smiled at you as he quickly sent you and Ben the photo.

“Feel free to post it. It’s really cute, and even though you aren’t awake, you can see how much you love each other.” Your eyes teared up a little for some reason. You ignored them and sat up from your spot to hug Gwi.

“We should get going. You two seem to have a big day planned, so we’ll head out. Good luck at the premiere tonight,” Gwilym announced, motioning for Joe to get up as well. He huffed out in annoyance and reluctantly stood. They both said their goodbyes, and were gone.

As soon as the door shut, Ben took your plate into the kitchen, leaving you by yourself in the living room.

“Why is the party in London if most of the actors are American?” You asked Ben as he sat back down on the couch, leaving the plate in the sink.

“It takes place in a European country, and since they couldn’t book it in Italy or Dubai, they chose London, as it’s pretty easy to hold a premiere here.” You nodded, still a little confused, but went along with it.

“You know, we have yet to sleep in our bed,” you stated randomly. Ben chuckled and hummed out as a response.

“That’s true. Hopefully, after tonight, we can. If we don’t crash on the couch as soon as we get home.”

“If I do, please carry me upstairs,” you told him, giggling quietly. He nodded and kissed your forehead.

“Of course, my love. Now, we actually have to go to the hotel near where the party is being held. We have to be there at, I think 3, then the event starts at 5.”

“I don’t even have a dress!” You realized and panicked. Ben shushed you and rubbed your back.

“I picked something out for you. Don’t worry, I think it’ll look beautiful on you. I mean, anything does.” he smirked and winked suggestively.

“Stop being so cheeky.”

“I just love ya.” He kissed your cheek and pulled you close to his body.

“I love you, too. So, what should we do for another,” you checked your phone for the time, “three hours until we have to leave?”

“We could, um, post that photo Gwil took of us and see the fans go crazy.”

“Let’s do it. You should post it, most fans don’t know my Instagram.

“Well, they will now. I’m gonna tag you, of course.”

“I’m fine with that. I know I’m going to get hate, so I really can’t stop anything.” At your words, you were now starting to get scared. How were the fans going to react that Ben isn’t single anymore? What if they don’t like you? Do they know you played Dominique, and that’s how you met Ben? Will they recognize you from the premiere?

“Love, are you alright?” Ben asked when he noticed you were quiet and staring down at your lap for a while. Your eyes met his, which were filled with worry.

“Y-yeah. Just scared about what people are going to think of me,” you shyly admitted.

“They’re going to love you, I guarantee it. If they don’t, then that’s their problem. Our relationship is none of their business, besides what we want to share with them, alright?” You nodded slightly and cuddled into his chest.

“You ready?” He asked as he opened Instagram and clicked on the new post button. You sighed quietly and pressed a quick kiss to his neck as a response.

He clicked on the picture of you two and cropped it, deciding to leave a filter off it, and started to think of a caption. You stayed quiet while he thought, and eventually he started typing away. His finger hovered over the ‘share’ button. He glanced at you, checking to see if you were going to stop him. When he realized you were more than okay with it, he pressed the button and watched as the post popped up on his timeline.

benhardy: this girl ❤️

joe_mazzello: why did you do this to me Ben? Cardboard Ben would never treat me like this

benhardy: @joe_mazzello new house, who’s this?

mrgwilymlee: you two are the cutest. credit to me for the pic though 😉

benhardy: @mrgwilymlee of course mate

benisperfect1291: OH MY GOSH BEN!!!

benhardyorbencardy: AH THIS IS TOO PURE

borhapfan7391: BEN’S RESPONSE TO JOE??? DID HE GET A NEW HOUSE???

benhardy: @borhapfan7391 I did :)

hardymazzellolee: you two are literally perfect 💕

bohemianqueen62: GUYS THIS IS (Y/N)! SHE PLAYED DOMINIQUE IN BORHAP!!!

queenxborhap: THIS IS (Y/N)?!?!?! THEY WERE SO CUTE TOGETHER IN THE FILM OMGGGG 😭😭😭😭

You two looked through the comments together, laughing at the group’s interactions, and liking positive and nice comments that fans are saying.

“See? They all love you, and they love us together,” he said, kissing your temple softly.

“Yeah,” you smiled softly after seeing a comment about how beautiful you looked. Even though you were sleeping.

“They’re all so nice.”

“I told you, darling. Now, let’s leave that and gather our things that we’re going to need for the night.” You both stood and headed up to your room, only for you to stop in the doorway. Ben was already in the bedroom and turned after he noticed your pause.

“I have nothing here, besides what I had in my overnight bag two nights ago.” Ben’s eyes widened with realization and a hint of embarrassment.

“I uh, I forgot about that, to be completely honest.” You laughed lightly and stepped forward to hug him.

“We can go to your apartment tomorrow and get your things. You also need to tell your landlord your leaving.”

“I called him yesterday. He said I have a week or so to get everything out and turn my key in. He already has everything done with the paperwork, so all I really need to do is pack everything up.” Ben nodded at your words and left to rummage through the drawers.

“Since we’re going to be getting into fancy clothes when we get to the hotel, you can wear an old shirt of mine and a pair of sweatpants.” He threw you a ratty-looking shirt and a pair of joggers, which you knew would be way too big on you, but you didn’t care.

You started to get changed as Ben gathered a few things he would need. You looked over at his pile and saw that it consisted of his phone, headphones, his charger, chapstick, and his wallet. No cigarettes or lighter. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Ben’s been smoking for over ten years, why doesn’t he have any cigarettes with him?

“Hey Ben?” His head raised at your voice, eyes wide with curiosity.

“Where are your cigarettes and lighter? You always have them with you?” You asked as you nodded towards the pile. He sighed and sat on the bed, ready to answer.

“I quit.” Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped.

“Why? And how? You’ve been smoking for so long, how can you quit so easily?” He shrugged.

“It’s been hard, but I’ve been getting through it. I stopped that day you came to talk to me. I wanted to better myself for you. I didn’t want you being around smoke all of the time, with the knowledge that I was planning on asking you to move in with me. I didn’t want our new home to be filled with the smell of smoke, especially if we plan on having kids in the future. I wanted to quit early enough. So, after that day, I haven’t picked one up. Like I said, it hasn’t been easy, but you take my mind off of wanting to do it again. I realized how disgusting of a habit it is, and I can’t believe you wanted to kiss me.” You laughed at his joke and stepped forward to sit next to him.

“I’m glad you stopped, but I don’t want to be that girl who changes her boyfriend. I don’t want you changing for me. If you want to smoke, I don’t care. You’ve been smoking long before you met me.”

“I stopped smoking for you and our future kids,” he whispered. Your heart swelled at his words, eyes watering at the fact that Ben would do that for someone that isn’t even conceived yet.

“I don’t want them growing up in a house filled with the smell. That’s why I bought this house, furnished it with new things, and plan on getting rid of most of the things in my apartment.”

“Ben…”

“(Y/N), I made a promise to you that I would treat you like you should be treated. No one should ever had to be around smoke, and I’m sorry I smoked when I was around you. I know second hand smoke can be just as dangerous, and I’m so so sorry that you were around that.”

“Ben, please, stop talking for one second.” He turned to look at you, waiting for you to speak.

“I don’t know how I haven’t noticed that you stopped,” you chuckled, grabbing his hand. He laughed along with you and stared at you lovingly.

“I’ve wanted to stop ever since I met you. But with the stress of our whole relationship and all of our problems, I only felt the need to smoke more. But then, when you finally told me you were willing to work on our relationship, I made a promise to myself and you that I would quit. And so far, I kept it.” Tears were streaming down your cheeks as you listened to him.

“You were willing to quit just for me?” You asked through your tears. He nodded and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“I love you, and I don’t want you to have health problems because of me.” You turned to bury your face in his shoulder as he rubbed your back.

“Let’s sit and cuddle for a while, okay?” He suggested, pulling away to move back onto the bed to sit against the headboard. You smiled happily and moved to rest against his body.

“Look at that, our first time in our bed,” Ben said, chuckling a little at the tiny sexual innuendo.

“Shush it.”

“I honestly can’t wait until we do have sex in this bed. It’s so much more comfortable than the one in my apartment.” You blushed profusely at his comment, even though you two have done it a few times, he still managed to make you feel flustered.

“Okay, if you’re gonna hint at that, I’m going to get my stuff ready.” You sat up from his embrace and stood in front of the bed.

“What stuff, love? You just told me you have little to nothing here,” he smirked at you.

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed about it, (Y/N). Please don’t feel like I’m making fun of you, because I’m not. I love you so much, and I love that you trust me to be so vulnerable and loving with me.”

The air in the room became suddenly tense and lustful. Your eyes darkened as Ben spoke softly, you stepped closer to him every second.

“How much time so we have?” You asked, your voice just above a whisper. Ben looked down at his watch.

“Two hours.”

“Fuck me. On our new bed, to break it in.” Ben immediately grabbed you and began kissing you, practically ripping off the clothes you just put on minutes ago.

You both were now on your back, trying to catch your breaths as you came down from your highs.

“Best way to break a bed in, huh?” Ben jokes, bringing your sweaty body closer to his. You let out a quiet chuckle and closed your eyes, your head now resting on his chest.

“I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, baby.”

A couple hours later, you two were now at the hotel near the party venue. You were dressed in Ben’s clothes as the hair stylist went to work, and the make-up artist started testing different foundations and colors on your skin.

Ben sat on the bed, messing around on his phone as he waited for his suit to be ironed.

“So, have you seen your dress?” Ben’s main stylist came up to ask you.

“Uh, no. Ben told me that I’d look great in it, but you know, he’s my boyfriend so he’s obligated to say that.” She let out a loud laugh as she reached over and grabbed the bag containing your dress.

“He picked it out himself,” she winked, looking over to him, who happened to be blushing a little due to being put on the spot.

She let you get your hair and makeup finished, and when it was finally time to see your dress, she unzipped the bag. Ben stood behind you, his hands on your waist, already dressed and ready. As she unzipped it, your jaw dropped. It was gorgeous.

It was a light powder, baby blue, with a sheer, sparkling tulle covering the skirt. It was simple yet beautiful

“I love it,” you were speechless. She smiled lightly as she took the dress from the bag.

“Ben told me it looked like Cinderella’s dress, and he mentioned that she’s your favorite Disney princess.” You turned around in Ben’s arms and brought him in for a kiss.

“It’s perfect, my prince.” He loved when you called him that, just as much as he loved calling you his princess.

“Let’s get this on you so you two can head down to the premiere!” Ben let go of you and sat on the bed, patiently waiting for you to finish getting dressed.

Once you slipped the silver heels on, Ben stood and grabbed your hand, guiding you to the elevator to head down to the car.

The entire ride to the venue, Ben was complimenting you nonstop. You didn’t even need to be wearing blush in the first place. Ben’s hand never left yours as you two stepped out of the car, and onto the carpet full of photographers from newspapers, magazines, and websites.

His hand moved to the small of your back, conveniently where there was a hole in the dress.

“BEN! BEN! OVER HERE!” The paparazzi continued to shout to get his attention. You now remembered why you hated premieres, especially the one for your first movie.

“How do you do this all the damn time, Ben?” You laughed as he pulled you along.

“I’m still not used to it. But now that I have you, maybe it’ll be better.” He leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, your eyes closing in happiness.

You were then pulled away to do interviews. Well, Ben was doing them while you stood off to the side with the assistant you two were assigned.

You made small talk with her, but noticed that Ben was waving you over. You immediately walked over to him, his arm subconsciously wrapping around your waist.

“So, how is life with Ben so far? We saw today that he confirmed your relationship, but how long has this been going on?” She was super nice, but she couldn’t have asked Ben this?

“Well, we just got together two days ago, but we’ve known each other for over two years. We met on while shooting Bohemian Rhapsody, but things didn’t start off well,”

“I was a jerk to her, let’s just leave it there,” Ben cut you off, not wanting to explain your whole story. You caught on and gave very vague details.

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy, there was a lot of ups and downs, but I’m so happy that we’re finally together. He’s such a loving and caring person.” Ben stared at you with so much love and adoration, he felt his heart skip so many beats just by looking at you.

The night continued, surprisingly with ease. Ben stayed by your side the entire night, knowing how much you hated premieres, and held your hand as much as he could. If he wasn’t able to, his hand was pressed to your back. He wanted you to feel as comfortable as possible. And he did.

The party was coming to a close about three hours later, and you honestly couldn’t be happier. You couldn’t wait to finally sleep in a real bed. Ben didn’t drink tonight just because he knew he had to drive home; you were thankful for that because it meant that you weren’t going to have to drive him. It’s not that you didn’t want to, you just hate night driving, especially since the drive back to your place is not lit by street lights.

Once Ben said his final goodbyes to everyone, he grabbed your hand and headed to the same car that you two arrived in. It immediately headed for the hotel, and once it arrived in the front, you two quickly ran inside to gather your things so you could head home.

“You ready, love?” Ben asked once you were both settled in the car, both of you back in your comfy clothes, your fancy ones packed away in the backseat.

“Yep.” He pulled out of the parking lot and started in the direction of your home.

An hour and forty five minutes later, you two arrived home, although you had to be woken up by Ben, after falling asleep fifteen minutes in to the drive. You felt bad for leaving Ben in the quiet, although he did have the radio. What you didn’t know is that he didn’t mind; it gave him time to think about your future together.

The second you two were inside, you immediately trudged up the stairs to remove your makeup and undo your hair. Ben followed close behind, quickly changing into a plain white t-shirt and his boxers. You however, stayed in his sweats and t-shirt; it was a little cold in the room anyways.

Ben was already laying in bed under the covers, while you were struggling to stay awake, trying to take your hair down. You groaned out in annoyance, and Ben suddenly appeared, not saying a word. Instead, he silently helped you retrieve all of the bobby pins and clips in your hair and set them on the counter.

Once they were all out and your makeup was off, you switched the bathroom light off and quickly slipped under the covers. A few seconds later, Ben was under them as well, pulling you into his chest and holding you close.

“I love you, baby. So much. Thanks for coming with me to the release party. I know how much you hate these types of things,” he whispered quietly, not wanting to ruin the peaceful setting.

“I love you too. I want to support you through everything. I’ll always be here, right by your side, Ben. Now let’s sleep, I’m exhausted.” He chuckled lightly and pressed his lips to your head.

“Goodnight, love.” You didn’t respond, so he knew you were already passed out. He smiled to himself as he took in his surroundings.

A couple hours outside of the city, in your new home, finally sleeping in your bed together for the first time. He is content, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

tags: @kazzys-queenblog

Make Me 19.6

Pairing/s: Jimin x Reader x Got7 Jaebum

Word count: : 9602

Warnings: cursing

Wonho exerted a great amount of effort supressing the wide smile that’s trying to form from his lips while he sent your picture to Jaebum, who flooded him with messages trying to ask how did he managed to have a date with you.

He just left the messages to ‘read’ status so that Jaebum would feel frustrated.

Then he felt his phone vibrates, knowing it’s from the said person so he excused himself and walked a few steps away from you. He suddenly closed his eyes upon hearing Jaebum’s raised voice.

[HOW COME YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING MY MESSAGES?] he sounded like a frustrated girlfriend.

“She’s with me, and I’m touring her. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know later I just have to bring her back home,” he said.

[I’m already heading there, see you in my office.]

The call ended and he returned to you with a plan on taking you home.

Before he return to the resort, he took his time strolling around town and when he came back, and went straight to the hotel’s administration office—specifically Jaebum’s office, he assumes Jaebum’s mad because of his dark expression if he hadn’t known the man for years.

He began to explain the events that lead you and him into having  a “lunch meeting”.

“Me and some of the guests tested the ATVs early this morning, I thought I bumped into her but turns out her dog got scared of the ATV so it ran away and she was chasing it,”

He looked at Jaebum, his expression didn’t change.

“Since it’s my fault her dog got scared, I helped her to look for it and when I did I still didn’t feel good so I offered her a tour,” he continued.

“I took a photo of her to let you know that I’m with her, that’s all.”

Jaebum drank the contents of his glass straight, making his expression change.

“If that’s all there is to it, then so be it,” he replied, refilling his glass with the same liquid he just drank.

“By the way, Jimin’s gonna be CEO-in-training anytime soon,” Wonho spoke again, hoping to dismiss the previous subject.

Jaebum turned to his direction, with a slight smile on his lips.

“Took him too long to do what he’s supposed to be doing a long, long time ago.” He commented.

Wonho remained silent.

“I guess we’ll see more of him soon,” he replied and he handed a glass of whatever he’s drinking to Wonho.

***

The last few days of your vacation ended in a snap. Your parents were obviously doing their best to help you forget about Jimin by talking to you or going out more often.

You also managed to find two routes going to school fast.

You’re now on your first class as a senior student and you’ve never felt as excited as ever, despite the load of major subjects this first term.

Still, you don’t mind whether you’ll have a new set of friends this year or not, you’re more focused in accomplishing what you must do in order to graduate next year.

This time, your professor arrives pretty early so your focus is on her now.

She began introducing herself and the subject which is related to research.

You started jotting down notes on the newly distributed syllabus and you quickly skimmed through each page, landing on the targeted outcome, which is the said thesis.

You took down notes, and when the bell rings, she ended the first day with the task of thinking of a title of your research in  which made you go to the library to find some ideas.

You’re on the research section when someone casted a shadow from behind.

“You know, Taehyung’s sulking at you.” A familiar voice made you turn around.

It’s Jungkook, who’s hair’s still with a hint of brown, and quite longer.

“Jin misses you, and you won’t believe it, even Yoongi too,” he continued, his eyes on you.

You felt guilty because they’ve been sending you messages asking how you are, and for Taehyung, most of the time he’s sending you pictures of the sceneries, foods, that you know he’s sharing with Jimin, he just doesn’t want you to know directly.

You don’t know what to say to him so, you just stood there, and you chose to look at the carpeted floor instead of his eyes this time.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook, I know you know I also need some time alone,” you replied.

He sighed and he walked closer to you. You clutched the book that you randomly pulled from the shelf when you felt his arms slowly caged you into a warm embrace.

“We know, but you know you don’t have to be alone in this, right?” he whispered.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry anymore because of Jimin but it’s easier said than done when right now, on your first day of class, your lung’s starts to tighten and tears began to fill your eyes.

“We miss you, talk to us and visit LATE, please?” he whispered.

“Will he be there?” you asked, still your face buried on his chest.

“No, I don’t think so, he’s busy these days,” he replied.

You stayed like that for a little bit and when you recovered, he slowly let you go and followed you on your table.

He started helping you in your task which made your search faster and you ended having several titles for your research now.

“Thanks Kook,” you gave him a smile as you two walked outside the library.

“Anytime. Didn’t we promised we’ll help each other ‘til we graduate?” he replied.

“Yeah,” you answered.

“You’re free right? Let’s go to LATE.” He offered.

“Sure,” you accepted.

The familiar feeling of being with someone you’re comfortable with came crashing to you as he pulled your hand gently, making you feel somewhat happy and sad at the same time.

You playfully chased each other until you reached the cafe.

You’re glad you can hear the sound of the bell by the door once again.

When Jin turned around to welcome you both, his face lights up when he looked at you, instantly dropping whatever he’s doing at the moment.

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you,” he said and he gave you a tight hug.

“Hi,” you replied.

“The usual?” he asked, releasing you from his arms.

You nod.

He excused himself to make your orders while you and Jungkook waited for it. He’s typing furiously on his phone, as if he’s having a debate with someone.

Your head starts to imagine that, what if Jimin suddenly came out of nowhere, what would you do, how would you act?

Another worse case scenario popped into your head, making your chest hurt.

What if he came and he completely ignores you?

You closed your eyes and shook the thought off.

You noticed that the other customers left the place in groups, which made you and Jungkook the only ones inside that’s considered as customers.

“What’s going on, everybody left.” You whispered to Jungkook.

One of the staff even changed the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’.

Someone approached you, placing food on your table and you noticed there’s pasta included but you didn’t ordered it so when you looked at the server, you were quite surprised.

It’s Taehyung who’s hair turned into a lightest shade of brown, with a hint of gray? You’re not sure.

He sat down after returning the tray to it’s proper place, his expression’s unreadable but you’re sure it’s more on the negative side.

He sat across you, and you don’t know what to do or to say, so you looked at your plate instead.

You stayed like that for a few moments and when you heard him sigh, you quickly looked at him.

“How are you?” he asked, and you think he’s forcing himself to talk to you because by the looks of it, he’s still sulking.

“Honestly I’m trying to be fine,” you replied.

“You know that we’re here for you, right? You’re aware that we’re just here in case you need us, right?” now, you really felt like he’s not sulking anymore but he’s mad.

Now, it’s your turn to sigh, true, you felt guilty that you didn’t respond to any of them but  in your point of view, it’s the best way for you to move on, to be alone at some point.

“I think I have to be alone because I wanted to move on, Tae.” You replied to him.

“Yeah, I understand, we all do but why do you have to shut us out all? Do you think since you and Jimin have broken up means our friendship’s over? We’re not like that, Y/N. To be honest we’re more concerned about you than he is.” Taehyung argued.

His words and the mention of Jimin’s name is like some kind of poison that thaws your heart.

“Everybody here missed you a lot, especially Yoongi hyung, I think,” he continued.

“I’m sorry, I admit at some point I thought that our connection’s cut off when I decide to break up with him,” you replied.

Jungkook suddenly stood up, and looked at the two of you.

“I’ll leave you two to talk, I almost forgot I have class in 15. See you later, Y/N.”  

You noded, and Jungkook left.

Silence fills the coffee shop as you two remained silent for who knows how long, occasional exchanges of sighs were the only sound you two made until he gave up, and cleared his throat.

“Look, I’m not gonna say this to make you feel guilty and regret anything, I just wanted you to know what happened after you  two broke up,” he said.

You looked at him and started to listen.

“He cried himself to sleep for months, sometimes he’ll just zone out, then he’ll excuse himself and cry most the time. Hhe buries himself with work, until his grandmother convinced him to go and see the doctor so he can manage the nightmares which he did, he’s been visiting the doc for eight months now.”

You immediately wipe the tears that’s trying to come out of your eye as he speak. He pulled a handkerchief from one of the inside pockets of his coat and handed it to you, and you accepted it, wiping your tears.

“He resigned a few weeks ago, and now he’s training under his father’s supervision, he’s gonna be a CEO of his own company soon,” Taehyung continued.

A smile made it’s way to your lips, knowing he’s trying his best to be successful.

“That’s good to hear,” you replied sincerely.

“Are you still willing to talk to him?” Taehyung answered.

“I hope in the future, I’d be able to give you an absolute answer Tae, but for now I don’t know.” you replied.

“I understand,” he replied.

“Ah, I can’t take this anymore!” he stood up and went towards you, and gave you a hug,

“I’m always here, Y/N don’t forget that, OKAY? Jungkook and Yoongi hyung are always in campus and they’re just a text away too,”

You just nod as tears starts to fall like rain from your eyes.

“We miss you a LOT, Y/N.”

“I miss you too, guys.”

Taehyung rubbed your back to calm you down. And right now, your heart and your head hopes that somehow, Jimin’s also missing you.

***

When you’ve calmed down and the misunderstanding’s cleared, the old Taehyung that you knew came back, you were laughing when Jin decided to join in.

Both of them offered you a ride but you declined so you now walked towards the bus stop alone and waited for the right bus to take you home.

You cooked for yourself since your parents will be home late, read in advance, and went to bed.

Again, with Jimin on your mind.

***

Jimin decided to stay late to review some proposals that the CFO passed to him. He loosened his tie and sighed. He rested his head for a bit when he heard his phone beep, a message from Taehyung with a photo attachment just came up.

He slolwy tapped the message and when it opened, he read the caption

Still, hope for the best.

[photo]

It’s a photo of a hand that’s holding a tall glass, but it’s not just any hand.

It’s a photo of your hand, a spark of hope suddenly made Jimin smile.

You’re still wearing the magnolia ring he gave you.

Quickly, he replied with ‘thanks’ to Taehyung’s message and returned to work.

***

-TWO MONTHS LATER-

Two months have already passed and you’ve adjusted to the schedule that was given to you, except with the different deadlines your professors set for the past week. One of them is fond of being late, hence the delay of your discussion making the progress of your lessons slow. And on this subject, your classmates appointed you as the representative of the class so it’s your duty to collect and submit their works whether it’s completed or not just like today.

You sighed as you went in front and announced that you’ll be collecting the paper due today. Most of your classmates handed it to you with a slight smile or some words of encouragement and some either reacted with a sigh or another sound in exchange to a violent reaction.

When you completed the papers, you waited for the dismissal and went straight to the building where the office of your professor is.

You’re carrying a heavy tote where the papers are, plus your bag where your laptop is so you’re struggling to walk fast when somene walked beside you.

“That bag seemed heavy, mind if I help you?” he suddenly spoke.

To your surprise, you moved to the innermost part of the sidewalk just to be away from the man who just replied with a chuckle, only to see that it’s none other than Yoongi.

“Sir, uh, Professor?” you greeted him.

“Just Yoongi,” he replied.

“Yoongi, had a bit of a shock there,” you replied, trying to make the atmosphere lighter.

“You should limit your coffee intake, I think.” He smirked.

“Says by the man who drinks up to six cups of coffee in three hours,” you replied.

“Tch, let me help you, where are we headed?” he asked and you gave him the bag.

“Dr. Choi Siwon’s office,” you replied.

“Okay,” he replied.

You let him lead the way though you already know where to go. It’s just that you’re quite uncomfortable or maybe afraid even as to what would he say or mention that’s related to Jimin.

When the two of you reached the building, he offered you to enter the elevator first and he followed. You two waited for a few seconds in consideration for the others who will go up but nobody’s entering the building so, he pressed the close button.

You were looking at the numbers and when you glanced at the closing door, you were sure, you saw a very familiar pair of eyes, looking at you from the other elevator across to where you are.

“Hey, are you okay? You looked so pale,” Yoongi commented.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine,” you smiled at him and he dropped the subject.

Yoongi lead you to your professor’s office in a breeze and you find yourself placing the papers you’ve collected on the usual basket he told you to put it.

“Thanks Yoongi,” you said as he handed you your tote.

“Anytime,” he replied.

You’re about to exit the office when he speak again.

“Coffee, perhaps?” he offered.

To be honest you have a lot of time to spare that day so you just agreed to his offer.

“Sure,” you replied which earned a smile from him.

The two of you walked back to where you came from before and as you enter the elevators where you saw someone made your breath hitch, your head making scenarios. 

In a few seconds you were back at the ground floor and Yoongi brought you to the nearest coffee shop which is LATE.

Since your preference doesn’t change, he just went straight to the counter and ordered your food.

When he returned, he placed the tray in front of you. He lazily sat down on the chair that’s directly facing you, while typing something on his phone in the process.

When he’s done, he started asking you questions that you’re comfortable to answer. Your conversation’s quite broad from academics, to personal stuff, he also mentioned the upcoming plays that you might be interested to see. unti it’s your turn to ask.

It was all smiles until you felt like it’s your turn to ask which created a short moment of silence.

You’re not sure whether it’s appropriate for you to ask Yoongi, but whenever you’re in an uncomfortable or confusing situation, he just seemed to be there, as if he’s the perfect person to ask.

Brushing off your doubts, you cleared your throat and started asking what you’ve been wanting to ask.

“Do you perhaps have any news about him?” you slowly looked into direction.

He tried to cover his true feelings about your question by showing you his  expressionless face but it’s evident that he’s quite surprised about what you’ve just asked.

“Well, he’s the CEO of his own company now, in just a  couple of months in training, he managed to impress the people around him,”

“That’s great,” you responded with  smile.

You don’t know how to ask further that’s why you just tried to became satisfied with what has Yoongi told you.

You decided to part ways after you’ve finished your food. He walked with you until you reached one of the entrances of the university.

“Um, I don’t know if I’m imagining things but earlier today on the elevator, I think I saw him,” you confessed.

Yoongi remained silent and you let out a chuckle just to cover the weird atmosphere you thought you just gave.

“I must be seeing things, sorry, I’ll see you around, Yoongi.”

“Yeah, I hope you reply to our messages this time!” he joked.

“I would, I promise.” You responded.

“Alright, take care,” he said and waved goodbye and went back inside the university while you went to the bus stop to go home.

***

For the past two months, Jimin have been receiving ‘updates’ about you through various resources aka your friends namely Jin, Jungkook and occasionally from Taehyung.

You and Jungkook continued to be study partners and he’s thankful you still trusted all of them, making it easier for him to ‘see’ you.

One of his favorites was when Taehyung sent a picture of you in which your back’s facing the camera. Your hairs a lot longer than before which falls almost at the small of your back, making his heart flutter a bit more than usual. That’s when he decided to pay a visit to the school with the hopes that he’d see you, and boy oh boy, how did he get lucky?

He’s about to leave the building when he accidentally looked at the opposite elevator and his lungs suddenly tightens when he  saw your figure who’s staring blankly at whatever Yoongi’s pressing.

Then suddenly, he found his eyes looking back at yours but the doors on the elevator that you’re ate closed and right after that, he quickly left the univeristy.

A few hours have passed and he’d just finished another session with his doctor and he mentioned what happened to the elevators and the doctor viewed it as a positive progress.

He’s on he’s way home when he received a call from Yoongi which he answered on the first ring.

[I don’t know how you’d take it but I wish you’d take this as a good news,] he said, skipping ‘hello.’

“Yeah?” Jimin replied.

[She saw you.]

He almost choked upon hearing what Yoongi had just said but he remained composed.

[She felt quite uneasy around me again, probably she’s still adjusting but still she opened up to me, telling me she thought she saw you, and she tried to cover that sadness in her eyes with a chuckle.] he continued.

“I see,” Jimin replied.

[Yeah, you should definitely see.] he ended the call there.

Jimin sighed once more and continued driving home.

***

You’re in the middle of folding the laundry when your mother asked you to buy some errands at the grocery storeso you did.

The weather’s starts to change from the warm to the cold, the leaves of the trees now in different shades of yellow, orange, and red.

You just picked up whatever your mother asked you to buy when you passed by the baking section of the supermarket. Though it’s not the same store that you frequently visited when you’re still living with Jimin, those memories with him suddenly came popping into your mind.

You stopped to check a new product which is an instant cake  and the packaging looked tempting so you decided to grab two boxes and proceeded to the cashier.

Your shoulders dropped upon seeing the rain starts pouring. You texted your mother telling her you’d be late because of the rain.

“The weather’s unpredictable nowadays ain’t it?”

You turned to the direction of the voice when you saw  a smiling Hoseok.

“Here, take it,” he extended his arms, trying to hand you an umbrella.

“Are you sure?” you looked at him, hesitant to take the umbrella.

“Yes, I’m sure and my car’s just park nearby.” He assured you.

“You know what, why don’t you just follow me and I’ll take you home instead?” he offered.

Quickly, you shook your head and took the umbrella he’s giving you.

“I’ll just take this, thank you.” you responded.

“Okay, see you around,Y/N”. He said and waved at you.

You gave him a slight smile and walked away from the grocery store.

When you returned home, your mother told you to take a bath though you’re not wet but just to be sure you won’t get sick, you obeyed her.

Right after that you asked for permission to try the instant cake and she agreed, and seemed excited about the outcome so you created it with enthusiasm.

You decided to make little cakes so you placed the cake mixture on a muffin pan and followed the waiting instructions as per the packaging.

While waiting, you created the icing and you’re not contented on the included icing mixture so you made one from scratch, creating different colors of it.

The aroma of the cake made you even more excited and when you heard the ding of the oven, you hurriedly took the cake out and you’re quite impressed, it really looked like tiny cakes.

When it’s cooled down, you decorated each cake with whatever comes in your mind, each cake represents the color of the rainbow.

“Done!” you exclaimed and took a picture of it before either of your parents devour it.

Due to your excitement, you sent a photo of it to Jungkook, asing him what he likes and he replied the red one, so you placed it in the container.

You served the orange cake to your mother which she enjoyed a lot.

As usual, you cleaned up, and get ready for bed after.

You’re ready to get to sleep when your phone started notyfing you about an event.

When you looked at it, you sadly smiled at your screen as it alarms for the event which labelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMIN!♥

You dismissed the notification, and in exchange, you typed on a writing app, more of like a journal app with a photo of the cakes you just baked earlier.

Maybe your subconscious is telling you that it’s Jimin’s birthday. You even sing ‘happy birthday to you~’ as you typed it on your entry that day.

You wished that he’s doing well.

You wished he’s always smiling.

You wished he still thinks of you even if it’s just a second.

You ended the entry with a smiling emoji and before you close your eyes to sleep, you whispered

‘I miss you, see you in my dreams’.

 ***

The following day, you brought five cakes in total, giving one for Jungkook, Jin, and Yoongi. You asked Jungkook to hand over the last cake to Taehyung, which he gladly accepted.

As for the birthday boy himself, he’s planning to bury himself on work today. He doen’t want to celebrate it because you’re not gonna be there.

He’s quite surprised when his grandmother called him, telling him that his friends are there so he got curious and went to home earlier than planned.

“What are you doing here?” he said while placing his coat on the coat rack.

“Stop whining and come over here,” her grandmother said.

“Happy birthday bro,” Yoongi greeted first and the rest followed and together, they handed a large paper bag.

“What the hell is this?” he frowned.

“Oh just take a look at it, will ya?” Taehyung said, smiling like a fool.

He followed. And it’s quite evident that his face lights up upon seeing four different colored mini-cakes in front of him.

He looked at his friends, asking for a confirmation.

“Yeaaah, she made it,” Jungkook said casually.

“She said she ‘felt like baking’ and she made quite a few so she wanted to give everyone,” Jin continued.

“Except you,” Yoongi teased, who were given dark looks by the others.

“Actually, you’re wrong Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook said, pulling another paper bag, this one’s smaller.

“Well, she didn’t directly said to give it to you. She said it this way, it’s an extra if you want some more.” He even imitated the way you’ve said it and the rest of the boys giggled.

“But, the design gives it away, it’s a freaking dog that looks like you so, I am sure this is yours,” he gave the paper bag to him.

When Jimin peeked at it, it really does looked like him, a dog wearing a yellow hoodie.

“She’s very talented isn’t she?” he said.

“Yeah, so, can we eat now? I want to taste it!” Jin said and they enjoyed it together with the old lady who’s just quiet during the entire time.

When the festivities died down, and the only ones that remained are Jimin and his grandmother, it was her time to speak.

“I don’t want to sound delousional but by the looks of it, she’s still thinking of you,” she said which made Jimin cough.

Jimin looked at his grandmother as if she just spoke in a language he doesn’t understand.

“What are you talking about, gram? She probably baked those cakes because she liked it.” Jimin tries to conceal the bubbling excitement that’s filling his senses.

“Oh, I don’t know son, that’s what I see right now,” she replied.

She looked at him, with an expression that he usually see whenever she thought of her late husband, which his is grandfather.

“It’s been what, ten months? I wish you’d find the right time soon, to talk to her, I miss her.” she said.

“I hope so too, gram.” he replied and excused himself. Though he’s not tired, he went to bed right after. Because what he wanted to do is drown himself with beautiful thoughts about you.

As soon as his head hits his pillows, a call suddenly made him curse and grab the phone with force.

His face contorts once again upon seeing the name of the caller which his his father.

“Father,”

[I hope I’m not late to greet you a happy birthday, my son]

He glanced at the clock, it’s two minutes before midnight.

“No,” he replied.

[I would like to meet you early tomorrow, drop by at my office. We have some important matters to discuss.]

“Will do,” Jimin responded.

After that, his father ended the call.

He turned his phone into silent mode and shoved it inside of the drawer of his bedside table.

He slowly sink in his bed, and as soon as he found a comfortable position, he let his mind wander into the thoughts of you.

He recalled how your eyes widen as he met yours on the elevator, those same beautiful shade that sparkles everytime you met his.

That ‘meeting’ is both relieving and regretting at the same time that you’re both on an elevator.

Relieving because he’s not sure if you’re ready to face him.

Regretting because it’s short and sudden.

He sighed as he imagine your smiling face, closing the distance from him to you with a tight embrace.

He adjusted his pillow, and turned to his side, hoping that somehow, he crossed your mind.

***

You stared at your face for a while and you sighed as you see prominent dark circles under your eyes. You don’t know what time you fell asleep, what you remembered is that you kept on replaying what you saw on the elevators a few days ago.

“Make up it is,” you said to yourself, as if you’re defeated.

It’s not that you hated wearing make up, you’re just uncomfortable putting some on. But today’s an exemption because you were given an invitation from your dean to attend an important academic event.

You wore a simple black dress, with light make up on, and your long hair is half up, half down. The only thing that’s missing is your shoes.

You jogged downstairs and pulled your black shoes with heels on. You said your goodbye to the house and began walking to the bus stop when your phone vibrates and Yoongi’s name appeared.

“Hello?”

[Where are you? I’ll pick you up.] he said, you can hear the soft instrumental music from the background.

“I’m walking towards the bus stop,” you replied.

[Which stop is it?]

“Why?” you’re starting to be annoyed.

[Don’t get the wrong ideam Y/N. I’m also invited to the event you’re attending.]

“Oh, okay. I’m at the bus stop near XXXXXXX mall.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in ASAP. See you,”

“Okay,” you responded and he ended the call.

In a few minutes, you noticed a black car slowly approaching you, and the driver rollled down the windows and you saw it’s Yoongi, you immediately get in.

“Good morning, there’s coffee and donuts,” he declared.

“Thanks,” you replied.

“You have to eat Y/N, you’ll be needing that. This’ll be a long shitty event, I’m telling you.”

You looked at him with a slight frown, he’s wearing a business attire. He looked good, probably even more attractive if he dyed his hair back to black but you couldn’t care less. His eyes were fixed on the road.

“Right, okay I’ll eat now, thanks,” you peeked at the paper bag where the doughnuts are and chose the one with strawberry filling.

You started to slow down when traffic starts to build up and when a solid minute has passed, he reached for his coffee.

“This event, it’ll consist of waiting, waiting, a little bit of listening, and more waiting,” he replied with his usual monotonous tone.

“Take if from me, I’ve been attending this thing for about seven years, I think. I usally accompany my father,” he explained.

“Thanks for the advice, I hope I find the event interesting, like the play from before,” you said.

He replied with  a hum and continued driving.

You reached the event just in time for the opening. He accompanied you until you’re both inside.

“You can roam around and if you’re done, meet me back here, I have to attend to some official business matters,” he said.

“Okay, see you in a bit,” you replied and you started walking around different booths where different innovative products are being showcased.

You’re walking further down the hall when you noticed a familiar gray colored wall, you’re on the aisle where apparel are being displayed.

Your heart skipped a beat when you approached closer to the booth, and when you saw the booth name, you stopped.

You suddenly became conscious of your surroundings, half praying that Jimin’s here and half wishing that you wouldn’t cross paths with him.

You slowly turned around and quickly returned to where you agreed to meet with Yoongi but he’s nowhere to be found so you texted him.

He returned your text with a call and he told you to look for your designated seats and so you did, quickly, you spotted yoongi’s name on the second row so you sat down, taking interest on the booklet placed on the cushioned seats. You flipped each page until your eyes landed on one of the guest speakers for the day.

In bold letters it says: Jimin Park, CEO, Park Group of Companies

You wanted to disappear right this moment, you want to call your dean that you suddenly feel sick. You glanced around, and the room’s starting to be filled with guests, most of them looked like businessmen.

Again, you texted Yoongi, telling him where you are.

He didn’t respond, so you tried to wait as patient as possible, until the lights starts to dim, only leaving the stage well-lit.

One of the stage personnel announced that the event will start in five minutes, so you called Yoongi this time, and you felt quite relived when you saw him enter.

“Old folks sure are talkative. Got caught up on one of my father’s business partners, I hate the chit chat but I have to do it, sorry.” He explained.

You glanced at him and replied, “I see.”

You couldn’t help it so you handed his copy of the booklet that’s opened at the page where you found Jimin’s name.

“Do you know anything about this?” you asked as you faced the stage.

“Know about?” he looked lost.

You pointed at the spot where you want him to look.

“It’s dark—“

You don’t want to come as rude but you cut him off.

“Jimin’s here,” you replied.

“No kidding.” He replied in a very calm manner. He’s now looking at the booklet with  suprised expression.

You’re about to speak when the hosts appeared on the stage, formally opening the event, quickly introducing the first speaker.

True enough, it’s a waiting game, your focus was long gone since you read Jimin’s name.

“I told you, it’s a waiting game. Shit’s boring every damn time,” Yoongi whispered.

You smiled at his remark, making the listening quite bearable.

He told you who’s who, and their fields during the open forum part of the first two talks.

Those talks ate more than two hours of your time this day, followed by a 20 minute break. When you came back, they’re showing the participant’s products on the screen, the same ones that are being displayed.

You’re watching the the presentation when your eyes darted on the approaching person from the side.

You felt your time has stopped, so as your breathing and your heart.

You don’t know if the universe is teasing you right now because the staff pointed to the empty seat directly in front of you, his signature scent fills your senses, making you shiver.

There he is, Jimin’s just at your arms reach, so you leaned your back, hoping he’d never turn his back.

His hair, if you’re right, is back at it’s silver-gray color.

You tried to avoid looking at his back but your eyes keeps on going to his direction.

“Breathe, you might pass out,” Yoongi whispered and you almost yelped, not realizing his return.

The presentation was cut and the hosts returned again to introduce Jimin, the spotlight followed him, and so as your gaze as he stepped on the stage.

He stood there, full of confidence. Not seeing him for almost a year really makes a difference.

You couldn’t help but to smile a bit. He looked so sure that he deserves to be there.

He then started to introduce himself and the company that he represents, he began talking.

His voice is like honey to your ears, you couldn’t help but to close your eyes.

That’s the voice your heart misses.

When you opened your eyes again, it betrayed you, because blurred vision welcomed you.

Tears starts to fall from your eyes, you’re annoyed with yourself.

You turned to Yoongi who’s surprised to see your state, immediately handing you a handkerchief.

“If it’s too much we can go,” he said, extending his hand to yours.

“No, I’m fine, I can do this,” you tried to calm yourself.

He stood up and approached one of the staffs. When he retuned, he handed a bottle of water to you.

You managed to stop crying when it’s time for the question and answer part of his talk.

You just watched him answer the questions in a very professional manner.

You felt so proud.

When the talk ended, everybody stood up and gave him a round of applause, so you did as well.

You excused yourself to go to the toilet to look at yourself. Your nose is still red but you don’t care anymore. You exited and returned to the event place and the lights were on once again, different businessmen are having small chats. You’re trying to look for Yoongi when you accidentally stepped on a loose cable.

You closed your eyes, not wanting to see the people that will definitely witness your fall but instead of falling on a hard floor, you felt something soft, and warm.

You slowly opened your eyes and realized you were caught not just by someone.

You’re caught by Jimin.

He slowly guided you to stand up and when you regained balance he let go of you.

You’re about to thank him but as soon as you face him, he suddenly speak

“Be careful next time,” and left.

What happened just now?

He acted as if he doesn’t know you.

Yoongi came running towards you, his hands automatically landed at the small of your back, guiding you.

“Let’s go, this is too much,” he said.

He guided you until you reached the entrance of the event place. He told you to wait there while he gets the car when a group of people starts to leave as well.

You spotted a familiar black car, you’re one hundred percent sure it’s Jimin’s and true enough, shortly he came out but he’s not alone.

He’s with a woman, who quickly enters the vehicle, followed by Jimin.

Yoongi honked and you quickly entered the car, fastening your seatbelt.

“Was it just Jimin who left?” Yoongi asked.

“Yeah, can we follow them?” you boldly asked.

Yoongi was about to ask but again, you cut him off,

“Please? Just please follow them,” you pleaded.

“Alright, alright,” he started driving and you spotted Jimin’s car.

You were taken to the luxurious part of town and you parked a few cars away from them. You still followed them until they entered a restaurant.

You watched as Jimin show his gentleman side to the lady.

You felt your heart being crushed when you saw him smile sweetly towards the lady.

Yoongi blocked your view

“Stop hurting yourself, Y/N, let’s go,” He almost dragged you so you’ll walk, holding your hand until you reached the car.

“Cry here,” he said and you started bawling.

He exited the car, and you saw him talking to someone on the phone.

When he returned inside, he turned the engine on and started driving away.

“I told the dean of your school you’re excused for the day. I’ll be arranging a leave for you if you want to,” he said.

You continued crying silently.

“What I mean is, if you don’t feel like going to school physically, you can, I’ll arrange it for you.” he said.

“Thank you, but I’ll attend school,” you replied.

He drove towards the direction of Taehyung’s house.

“Why are we here?” you looked at him.

“I can’t think of anywhere elese to bring you,” he said.

You two went upstairs, he used his spare key and when he opened the door, a strong force pulled you inside.

“Hey....” Taehyung’s soft voice made it’s way to your ears and tears starts to fill your eyes once again.

Yoongi filled them with details of what happened.

“I’m sorry I don’t know anything about it, he didn’t mention anything.” Taehyung said, as he rubs your back while your head rests on his shoulders while you cry.

Your breaths starts to slow down after long periods of crying and when he checked, you fell asleep while crying, Taehyung carried you to the guest room.

“We have to ask around,” He said to Yoongi.

“Ask Hoseok, you mean.” Yoongi corrected him.

“Yes,” he replied.

He pulled another phone from his pocket and dialled probably Hoseok’s number.

He asked if he knew something about Jimin’s relationship and well, he said his father’s getting interested in Jimin’s personal affairs and might arrange a marriage agreement.

Yoongi looked at Taehyung and both of them have dark looks on their faces.

When he ended the call, Taehyung shooked his head.

“She shouldn’t know,” Taehyung said.

“Alright,” Yoongi left.

***

Jimin went to his father’s office as early as he could, he was greeted by a wide smile of his father.

He tensed up.

His father smiling, means there’s something coming his way.

“I’ve set you up for a lunch date, second daughter of one of our partners in the cargo industry. But you’re gonna attend to the business event your grandmother participated in right?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Very well, she’ll be around  the area, this is her profile, and her phone number. Treat her well,”

He replied with a curt nod and exited the building.

He knows his father’s up to something.

****

It’s afternoon when you woke up, you heard someone’s faint groans and when you slowly came out of the room, you saw Jungkook typing as fast as he could on the computer.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” he asked, completely dropping whatever he’s doing.

“Would you believe me if I say that I am fine?” you smiled at him.

“I don’t know, you eyes are a different story,” he replied.

You gave him another smile.

He approached you and gave you a tight embrace.

“You know, sometimes, I wonder what if I pursued you, and you fell for me, would it be the same?” he said out of nowhere.

You just smiled at the thought. Of course it’ll be different.

Because you know for sure he’ll be the one who’s gonna cry.

Because you’re sure you’ still choose Jimin in the end.

But now it’s different, now, you have to learn to close your heart and mind about him.

You asked where’s Yoongi, Jungkook said he returned to the school to report.

“Change into something comfier, we’re going somewhere.” Jungkook said while he glaned at his phone.

You nod and went back to the guest room, opening the closet.

You chuckle at the sight of the clothes that’s left there.

All of them are Jimin’s.

You sighed and pulled a pair of pants, shirt, and hoodie.

When you came out, Jungkook let you borrow one of his shoes and you went straight to the parking lot.

“I miss this!” you smiled upon seeing his yellow jeep.

You just let him drive and you knew where you’re headed.

As usual, the arboretum.

You smiled when you saw Taehyung’s waiting for you, with food.

You ate with a smile on your face and when you’re done, you thanked them, declining their offers to take you home.

***

You buried yourself with school works which is effective. You declined all of the invitations from them, including Chirstmas and New year’s, it’s Valentines where you couldn’t decline because Yoongi and Jungkook cornered you in the library.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go.” You said in defeat.

You were accompanied with those two and you found Taehyung waiting with a pout.

You just took in all of the things Taehyung said, and when it’s quiet, you cleared your throat.

“I want to say something too,”

“Thank you for putting up with me, with us. Four years of friendship, thank you guys I truly appreciate it,” you started.

“But I think, I need some time for myself, to open up to different people, I’m not closing the doors to our friendship but  I really want to heal, I think, I have to distance myself from all of you for now.”

You looked at them, all of them looked surprised, especially Taehyung, who’s mouth fell open.

“I want to move forward! Because as I see it, Jimin and I, it’s really the end for the two of us, so.. I hope you understand,” you said. And bow.

“Thank you again, see you around.” You said, and exited the cafe that served as one of the witnesses of how your love  blossomed and withered.

***

TWO MONTHS AFTER-

Hundreds of students are excited as they lined up to enter the school’s event place including you, who’s wearing your graduation robe. It’s your graduation day and you couldn’t be more proud of yourself.

As soon as you were seated, you felt a sense of accomplishment, a reason why you kept a smile on your face.

You spotted Jungkook on the other side of the room, he too, is graduating.

When the ceremonies proceeded, and your course was called, you all stood up, then it’s your turn to walk at the stage, and your parents were called because you graduated with honors. A sweet surprise for your parents.

When it ended, your elegant navy blue dress was revealed, you stumbled upon Yoongi who saluted you, and gave you a bouquet of flowers.

“Thank you, Yoongi,” you smiled.

After him, was Jin who looked so handsome with his new hair color and hairstyle, he, too, has given you a bouquet and congratulated you.

Then Jungkook came half running towards you, he’s wearing a navy blue suit as well.

The boys never truly cut off ties with you. They just ‘keep themselves at bay’ or ‘always available’ especially Jungkook because you two had a pact to be study partners. During that process it’s just him who has a regular communication with you but Taehyung couldn’t resist it so he almost always check up on you.

“Looking beautiful as ever, partner.” Jungkook complimented you.

‘Ditto, partner.” You replied.

“We made it,” he said.

“Yeah, we’re that great of a team,” you boasted and the two of you giggled.

He also handed a bouquet to you.

“Lemme help you,” he chuckled at the sight of you, trying to balance three bouquets.

When you spotted your parents, your mother hugged you tightly, telling they’re proud of you.

You asked for help in carrying the bouquets when Namjoon approached you, again, with a bouquet.

“Congratulations, Y/N I am here to personally inform you that you’re welcome whenever you wanted to start working in my company,” he said.

“I will keep you updated, thank you, Sir.” You smiled.

He responded with a nod and a smile, he greeted your parents as well, and excused himself.

You walked further and you exchange congratulatory messages with your classmates when you heard someone calling you.

You turned to your back and you saw the Madam, smiling at you.

You walked towards her and she gave you a hug.

“Dear, Y/N,” she said as she tries not to cry.

“Madam,” you said.

“Oh, come on, I’m still ‘gram’, love.” She said.

“I came here to see you graduate dear, congratulations,” she said.

Your heart melted as she said those words which made you tear up.

“Thank you, gram,” you said.

“You can never have too many flowers, here’s one more, from me.” She handed you a beautiful

“I wish to have a chat with you sometime,” she said.

“Okay, I’ll visit you,” you promised.

She left the place after that and you waved goodbye to her.

Your parents caught up with you and your father commented.

“Too many bouquets for one lady, and it’s from handsome men! I wonder how ehem, Jimin doesn’t get jealous,”

You giggled.

“Because all of them are his friends dad, dont’t you remember them?” you replied.

“Right, here comes another one,” he said.

And you turned to where your father’s looking and you instantly gave a full blown smile upon seeing who he is.

It’s none other than the ever persuasive, Kim Taehyung.

“Congratulations, my dear lady,” he said, and he held your hand and kissed it.

“Thank you, Tae,” you replied.

“Here, this is my gift to you, and whew, we all gave bouquets, don’t we?” he said, looking at your parents.

You nod.

“Alright, lemme help you, where’s your car?” he approached your parents and helped them carry the extra flowers.

Your father went ahead to get the car he rented for this day and when he returned, Taehyung carefully placed the flowers at the back.

You thanked him again and he gave you a salute while giving a courteous bow to your parents.

You celebrated at a Japanese restaurant with your parents and you joked around and had fun while you enjoyed the food. You told your plans to your parents and they told you they support you a hundred percent in whatever your decision will be.

***

“Since when did you became a coward, son?” the madam asked Jimin who’s sitting at the back of the car with her.

He kept quiet, he’s starting to regret his deciscion in staying in the car. But he doesn’t want to ruin this special day for you.

“I wish you saw her, she’s so beautiful,” she continued.

“I’m sure she is gram, she’s always been,” he said.

“I don’t want to see you two like this, I am telling you, the time is now, just approach her and talk to her, I am sure she’s just waiting for you,” her grandmother pushed.

“Soon gram, soon.” He said and he kept quiet, trying to dismiss the topic.

***

When you returned home, you placed the flowers on different vases. You chose to put the ones from the madam on your room. You stared at it for a while and again, flashes of Jimin’s face popped into your head.

“Stop it, Y/N, we’ll start over, remember?” you said to yourself.

you looked around your room and began creating a mental list on what to put away in preparation to your life as a young adult.

You approached the beautiful bouquet and took a picture of it, writing another entry on your journal.

It ended with ‘I’ll start over again, thank you for everything. I’ll end this here.’

To you, this is a fresh start, a new beginning.

***

=ONE MONTH LATER=

Taehyung didn’t stop bothering you until you agreed to come on their planned trip to the beach. He assured that you only need to bring yourself plus your things.

You agreed to be picked up on the bus stop (as usual). Taehyung and Jungkook’s faces light up as soon as they saw you approaching the car.

“I’m here, I’m here,” you joked.

“Yeees!” Jungkook replied, immediately transferring beside you.

You just smiled at him, and you looked outside, as the car moves.

“Where are we headed this time?” your excitement’s evident.

“Surprise, surprise,” Taehyung hums.

You chuckled and just let go with the flow. The vehicle alighted the large ship that’s docked when you arrived.

When you’re parked properly inside, Taehyung and Jungkook went out of the car so you followed.

You went several floors up and you saw Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jin on one of the expensive looking waiting rooms.

‘Y/N!” Jin cheered, Namjoon smiled and Yoongi gave a smirk.

“Y’all got your passports with you right?” Namjoon asked.

All noded except you.

“Why? Did you forgot?” Namjoon looked at you.

“It’s not with me,” you replied.

“It’s with Jimin,” you said and your words worked like magic, Taehyung waved a notebook –sized item.

“I’ve anticipated this, I asked him beforehand,” he smiled.

“Thank you.” you replied.

Your arrival to the beach is about two hours so you decided to look around.

You spent that time watching  a movie and as soon as the movie ended, you stood up and stretched.

You went back to the car followed by Jungkook and Taehyung.

Taehyung’s the designated driver so he started playing one of his playlists and you laughed on their funny antics as you travel to your hotel.

You shared a room with two bedrooms with Jungkook and Taehyung.

You changed into your rashguard and board shorts but underneath, you’re wearing a one piece swimsuit.

When you’re done, you went out and the others knocked on your door and went to the beach using ATVs.

You chose to ride with Jungkook. And you’re on the beach in no time.

You climbed down the ATV and rush to the waves. You squealed when Jungkook suddenly carried you and threw you on the water, making you chase him.

“I swear, if I caught you, I’ll drown you!” you said as you chase after him, but he’s like a cheetah, he’s too fast. You stopped to catch your breath while he ran some more, shouting at you.

You chased him again, and when you looked behind you, the others are running as well so you dashed towards Jungkook.

You don’t know what happened but you caught up with him and he slowed down, pulling you to the side which made a way for the others to chase each other.

“DON’T.ALWAYS.USE.YOUR.STRENGTH.TO.BULLY.ME!” you said as you playfully punch him on his arm.

He chuckled and you were suddenly on his shoulders.

He walked towards the others who are lying on the sand, panting.

“JUNGKOOK! don’t do that,” you screamed after he put you down.

You rode the banana boat, you also tried parasailing with Taehyung.

You enjoyed fresh food after and when the sun sets, you returned to the hotel.

You’re enjoying the fresh banana-apple shake while you’re stargazing, it’s nice to be with these boys but it feels somewhat empty.

Jungkook slowly approached you, he’s holding a drink on his hand while his phone on the other.

“You’re having fun, right?” he asked.

You  looked at him and smiled “Of course,”

“You didn’t answer my question, you know, a few months back, before we graduated, when Yoongi hyung brought you over?”

You tried recalling and you looked away, as you remembered what he asked that time.

“I know that you already knew the answer to that question, Kookie.” You don’t want to tell him directly.

“No I don’t, I only know the possibilites, the what ifs,” he replied.

You sighed and looked at him again.

“You really want to hear it from me, don’t you?” you confirmed and he nods.

“With all honesty, I think I’d just hurt you. because no matter what happens, if I’d be given a chance, I’ll still choose him, I’ll still choose Jimin anytime.” You started pouring what’s inside of you again.

“He didn’t chose me this time so, I’ll just love him until it doesn’t matter, until it no longer hurts,” you said while tears starts to fall.

“Dammit, that’s why I wanted to cut ties with you guys, this always happens,” you wiped your cheeks.

“Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he approached you and he embraced you, and you embraced him back.

“I know, don’t worry, I’m doing my best to move on,” you smiled.

So, you ditched the shake with vodka.

You joined the rest of them that’s partying at the rooftop that’s reserved for your group.

You felt dizzy with just  a couple of shots so you sat on one of the chairs. You managed to gobble another shot when you felt someone remove the shot glass from your hands, you chuckle when your altered vision plays tricks on you.

You’re seeing a gray-haired person in front of you, and you just giggled. You suddenly felt the feeling of being carried, but you’re not really sure, you just closed your eyes because even your nose’s drunk.

You can smell Jimin’s perfume.

***

Jimin watched you and the rest of the boys from afar, as you enjoy yourselves. He’s gaze never leave your form, while you chased Jungkook, while you run for your life, while you chased Jungkook once again, laugh after you tried different water sports offered.

You looked so beautiful wearing that white sundress that made him try to control himself into barging into your room.

He watched Jungkook approach you.

He watched you cry, and how Jungkook hugged you.

And watched closely as you drink.

When he saw you almost passed out, he couldn’t take it anymore, he has to go to you.

Yoongi saw him and they exchange nods, acknowledging his presence, Jin and Namjoon gave him a handshake, while Taehyung and Jungkook’s passed out already.

He stared at your face for a while, longing is evident in his gaze. He slowly removed the shot glass from your hands and carried you to where your room is.

He carefully placed you on the bed, making sure you’re comfortable.

He placed a blanket over your body and when he’s about to leave, he heard you say something as you sob,

I miss you, Jimin, I love you, come back.

That broke him, he turned to you and stared at your face once again.

“Wait a little bit more, Princess, wait for me, I love you too.” He kissed your forehead and left.

 ****

A/N

Hello.

I’m having an emotional roller coaster whenever I write Make Me, sorry for the delay. :(

Enjoy!

Thoughts on the Soulmate Trope

Here are some of my thoughts, notes & tips on writing the soulmates trope. (clearly, I’ve been thinking about writing my own soulmate fic someday and how I want to do it)

It’s also pretty clear that I went a bit overboard with my thoughts. So since that’s the case I thought I’d share.  Below are soulmate ‘quirks’, my thoughts on them, and ‘roadblocks’ followed by a general example and some ranting.

Enjoy!

Quirks: (These are mostly just the ones I can remember other people using.)

- writing on your skin shows up on your soulmate too.

This is basically just a pen pals trope. XD

-dream sharing

Always a fun one, but it takes a lot of creativity to be pulled off really well IMO.

-sharing/splitting injuries

almost a surefire hurt/comfort fic if you use this one, but some people use it like the ‘writing on your skin’ quirk and just hint at the connection with bruises and small cuts.

-telepathy

(especially in moments of physical or mental weakness)

-seeing something about the other that no one else can see

It could be anything from a weird/supernatural physical trait, (pointed ears/ fangs/ weird eye color/ mysterious tattoo, etc) to something even stranger (tiny spirits that follow people around, each others aura, flashes of who they used to be in a past life) whatever appeals to you and your story.

-shared birthmarks / soulmarks

Oh man soulmarks, it’s like one of the most popular quirks in the trope. And it’s really versatile too! For example, the position of the mark could indicate the kind of relationship it will be  (ex: over the heart = true love, on the hand = steadfastness and resolve)

And a lot of the time the mark is a clue toward who the other person is. it’s a great opportunity for symbolism in a story. Or you could just straight up make the soulmarks be each other’s NAMES, there are a billion ways you could play it.

-first touch/ eye contact triggers intense mental or physical reaction

(usually feelings of love coming from a past life or some sort of future nostalgia’?’) this is sort of the bread and butter quirk of the trope. Its main issue is that it makes for a SUPER short fic if the two people just fall in love at first sight/touch with no hijinx involved. But I’ve also seen it effectively mixed with quirks like shared emotions, telepathy, and dream sharing so it all depends on how you use it I guess.

-shared emotions/sensations

(intense anger, sadness, joy, pain, pleasure, etc)( intensity can likely be controlled or varies based on the situation) this is a fun one if you’re writing smut for sure, but it's interesting to play with all around too. It basically means every stressful/amazing moment gets shared with the other person and with a supportive couple that’s going to get you far in the fluff & hurt/comfort camps.

-intense need to be near each other

(can compel one or both to drop what they are doing and go to each other, especially in times of distress.)

the weird thing about this one is that I’ve seen it used alongside all sorts of other quirks, and it totally works. Like if one character gets hit by a car in a soulmates fic it's almost guaranteed that this quirk is going to hit the other person like a freight train for no good reason and they are RUNNING to the scene of the accident/hospital.

But it’s sort of unsurprising that it works considering the fact that the whole point of the soulmates trope is that the characters share a weird magical/spiritual bond.

- soulmates can hear each other sing no matter how far apart they are

I’ve seen this one before in a MLB fic and it was cute/silly as HELL. I firmly encourage more inventive and oddly specific quirks like this to fatten up the trope.

-the ability to share what the other is seeing and/or hearing.

(If it’s at will then it probably requires concentration for a clear picture/sound)

I’ve seen this one in movies and it’s pretty cool! But a lot of what’s makes it work is the story going on around them and not the romance itself. I’m not saying to neglect the romance but if you use this quirk you’d better have a super good story to go along with it because this one is all about how the character’s share their lives and situations with each other. If you don’t make those lives interesting then the quirk is wasted. But that’s just my opinion.

With soulmate AU’s you could have it so that everyone has the same quirk or You could mix it up and use all of them (In that instance, I would make some of these more common than others. ex: writing on the skin= rare, birth/soulmarks = semi-rare, first touch/ eye contact = common.) OR you could even make it so that nobody really knows about or believes in soulmates and make your couple an oddity.

Either way,  the point of the soulmate trope is that the side effect of the bond helps lead the couple together. But if you make it too easy then the relationship won’t feel genuine or earned.

Typically, you have one character who is cautiously hopeful about finding and falling for their soulmate (or is extremely eager about meeting their soulmate. See below.)

And the other character has hit some sort of roadblock that has to be overcome.

But they could both have their own issues on dating their soulmate too. It’s all up to the type of characters you're portraying and their circumstances.

Common soulmate roadblocks:

-not everyone HAS a soulmate or theirs died before they could meet and someone that doesn't have one gets jealous and tries to separate the couple.

-one of them is confused by the bond’s clues and think its leading them to someone else.

-one of them thinks the bond is wrong or that they've over thought it because they don't initially approve of their chosen partner / think their partner is too good for them /etc.

-the bond’s side effect gets in the way of their everyday life and they come to resent the other person regardless of if it's their fault or not.

-one of the characters flat out disapproves of their partner being ‘chosen for them’ regardless of who it is.

-one of them (or possibly a family member/friend) is WAY too eager about the soulmate thing and puts pressure on the other person to start a romantic relationship with their partner asap and ends up scaring them away.

-regardless of the bond they still don't find each other for years or were looking in the wrong places. (likely only find one another after they've given up) (god I hate this one, it's so sad)

-one of them gives up on finding their soulmate and goes out with someone else (only to find them during or after the breakup stages) (not fond of this one either)

-saw/ heard about a soulmate bond that should have been platonic turn romantic and then go up in flames.

-knew someone who's soulmate died and doesn't want to go through all that pain someday.

I suggest choosing at least two to make a more complex relationship that will feel earned. But you should do way more if you’re writing a multi-chapter fic. Just remember to stay consistent with the character’s situation and reasoning, and try not to overcompensate with roadblocks.

Example:

The setting is an Au where everyone knows their soulmate via soulmarks

Character A (female) wants to have a relationship with their SM and has a mark of a black fox on her shoulder.  

Character B (male) disapproves of their partner being ‘chosen for them’ regardless of who it is. This is probably compacted by the embarrassing fact that he has a pink butterfly on his shoulder. This has affected his day to day life and he resents his SM for it.

When they meet B see’s A’s fox soulmark (because she’s purposely showing it off so she can find her SM.) But he keeps his hidden.

B tries to avoid A but can’t completely. A does/says something endearing and B’s walls come down a little and they get to know each other. B starts falling for A.

From there you can go a bunch of different ways. You can end the story there by having A do/say something that makes B fall completely in love, reveal his soulmark and admit to his feelings, OR you can drag out the roadblocks you have by making B unwilling to admit to anything and have him agonize over it a while longer.

Adding roadblocks at this point is okay too.

Maybe A finds out B hid his soulmark from her and didn’t originally want to be with her and gets offended. Or Maybe A’s family is WAY too eager about the soulmate thing and ends up spooking B away again. Or you can add a jealous coworker or friend to try and sabotage the relationship and have B get jealous/ protective.

Just bear in mind that their mental states have already been covered in this example so you shouldn’t make any more mental roadblocks. Making B suddenly cut off A after they’ve gotten close because he knew someone who's soulmate died and he’s totally traumatized doesn’t make sense. Either lay out all the emotional issues at the start or keep quiet about them and lay it out later to make it a surprise. Don’t just ADD emotional issues into the mix randomly.

On the same note, I think other kinds of roadblocks get more leeway. Just don't constantly tease the reader with potential relationship development and then have some event or drama just as constantly interrupt/ruin it. People WANT to see the couple get closer. Don't drag out the story just because you can, you have to make it flow naturally. (but I feel like that should go without saying)

OQ Prompt Party Sunday

For the final day of @oqpromptparty here is my 7th contribution. This one is the first part of my second chapter for Join us in the shadows my DOQ Mafia AU. Hopefully I can post the whole thing later today or tomorrow. This is a response to prompt #56. One is a killer/Criminal the other one is trying to catch him/her.

Regina Mills has always been a light sleeper. She guesses it comes from her upbringing, it wasn’t rare to have strange visitors showing up at all hours of the night at the Mills Manor, and, more often than not, Regina’s eyes would pop open and she would strain her ears to catch snippets of conversations between her parents and their latest guest.

So when either of her lovers so much as shifts, she feels it and her peaceful slumber becomes a distant memory. Out of the two, it usually is Robin, Mal only needs some body heat to fall into a 7 to 8-hours coma.

He stirs some more, and she feels the chest she uses as a pillow expand as he sighs.

“You’re thinking again,” she whispers, mindful of the still blissfully unaware blonde on his other side.

His breath catches as he realizes she is awake, and despite her closed eyes, Regina can clearly picture him wincing in apology.

“I’m sorry, my mind just won’t shut down tonight,” he murmurs, drawing random patterns along her satin covered side with the tips of his fingers, making her shiver pleasantly.

“What is it?” She asks, tilting her head back slightly, and finally opening her eyes to study him.

“Sometimes I wonder how I ended up being so lucky, and I’m afraid to wake up one day and find out it was all a dream,” he replies, and he looks so positively stricken by the mere idea that the snort she was about to let out at his cheesy words dies down in her throat.

“What on Earth made you think about this at two a.m?” She wonders, bewildered, bringing her hand from its resting place above his heart to cup his jaw and turn his head towards her.

“I think about it most nights to be quite honest,” he admits, smiling wistfully at her, and she is taken aback.

“You never said anything,” she breathes out, her thumb gently stroking his cheek, enjoying the way his stubble grazes her skin as he nuzzles into her touch. He normally prefers to be clean-shaven, but sometimes they are able to convince him to indulge them.

“I was afraid to jinx it. After all why would two bold, stunning women like you keep a lowly thief like me around?” He looks down at himself with a vague gesture of his hand, his face twisting in a grimace. “Especially given how I found myself involved with you.”

He believes it, Regina thinks, startled, he really believes he is not good enough.

“Probably because, most days, you’re the one person able to keep us sane. I don’t know if you realized it but, before you came along, our moral compass had been pretty much thrown out the window,” she tells him lightly, hoping that some humour will help get him out of this funk, though the events she refers to, when he started working for them, are anything but humorous.

She knows he can’t have forgotten the smell of burned flesh and the dying screams as he had stood by after they had doused Sydney with gasoline, her former closest associate who had betrayed them when he couldn’t cope with the fact that Mal had supplanted him by Regina’s side. Unable to endure his pathetic excuses, Regina had thrown a lighted match in the barrel herself and walked away, never looking back.

Two birds with one stone, they call it: they had sent a message reminding everyone what was the price to pay for talking too much, while testing their newest recruit. Robin had passed with flying colors, his composure impressing them, and he had waited until they were in private to wonder if there may be less drastic ways to proceed in the future. The only thing that had stopped them from lashing out was the fact that there wasn’t any trace of judgement in his voice, just genuine curiosity.

“Of course, Mal would manage to bring home the only noble thief out there,” Regina chuckles softly, shaking her head with a fond expression.

“I don’t know about noble, but I’m certainly glad she did,” he counters, pressing his lips against Regina’s forehead, his gaze suddenly far away as he remembers.

A dear friend, the brother he never really had, begging for help to settle a huge debt, a series of burglaries and larcenies in an otherwise trouble-free, extremely wealthy community, an unrelenting sheriff, and Robin had found himself locked up. He had pleaded guilty, and had received a rather mild sentence, since he had no priors and had kept nothing for himself.

His wife, Marian, had never forgiven him the shame he had brought on his family though. She had divorced him a few months into his four-years sentence, deemed him unfit to be in their son’s life, fought for sole custody with no visitations rights, and won. By the time Robin got out, she had been long gone, taking not just Roland with her, his precious boy who would never know him, but also Keith Nottingham, the Sheriff who had arrested Robin.

She had packed his stuff in his car and into a garage, the key and address to which Robin got from his lawyer. Going through what was left of his possessions, Robin found an old map, closed his eyes and randomly pointed at a spot: the coast of Maine. With no clue as to where he could find his son, a fresh start where no one knew him seemed like the best option.

So, in his beat-up car, with a few clothes and whatever mementos he couldn’t stand to sell, he slowly made his way from Chicago to the East Coast, trying to enjoy his newfound freedom, finding little jobs here and there to pay for food, motel rooms and gaz. When he finally arrived in Storybrooke, he found a quaint little town, where everyone knew everyone, but asked few questions. He helped out at the local diner, Granny’s, in exchange for a room at the adjacent Bed & Breakfast, the no-nonsense, eponymous owner having a soft spot for his dimples.

He thought that he could finally breathe, but luck had not been on his side for a long time now, and he found the local sheriff waiting for him in this room one morning after breakfast. Before he could ask how the man had entered, he let him know in no uncertain terms that he knew all him.

“You see I have been appointed here to put an end to the criminal activities plaguing the county and which seems to originate from this town,” Sheriff Graham revealed, and Robin couldn’t help his raised eyebrows and the way he looked around the tranquil B&B.

“Don’t let appearances fool you, Mr Locksley. There is evil rooted deep in Storybrooke, and I want to purge it, but I can’t do it alone, believe me I tried. You are just the kind of person I need for the job,” the man explained, and Robin appraised him silently for long moments before wondering:

“If you are asking someone like me for help, I guess that this is dangerous, what could possibly motivate me?”

Graham obviously expected the question, though he huffed and clenched his teeth at the idea that Robin would not just jump at the opportunity to help the Police.

“As I said, I know all there is to know about you, if you assist me, I could help you find your son,” he bargained, and Robin immediately straightened up.

“You know where Roland is?”

“It would be easy for me to find out.”

Robin looked at the man intently, looking for any sign of deception, and the Sheriff held his gaze, unflinching.

“Alright, I will do it,” Robin finally acquiesced.

“Perfect, I don’t want to share many details just yet, I only have strong suspicions at this point, could never prove anything, so I think it’s better to work our way up. One thing I do know is that the local cab company seems to be at the center of it all, it would be a good start to find yourself a job there. I will send you a burner phone to contact me, the less we are seen together, the better.”

Robin sent an application, and not long after John, the owner of the cab company, offered him a job.

Given the trust the man was placing in him, Robin felt obligated to reveal some of his history, but John only laughed, and that probably should have worried him more that it did. The man said that he believed in second chances, and Robin was only too happy to be given a chance. He hoped that it would bring him closer to getting help to find Roland.

The first few weeks, it was pretty simple, transporting people coming and going to the airport mostly, a few packages to fetch or drop, always with the strict instruction to not open. They didn’t need bother, Robin had learned in prison how aggressive people could become if you touched their stuff, and he knew better. The Sheriff was pretty interested in the drop-offs, and he asked details about the people he transported. Robin had taken the habit to stash a notebook in his glove box to keep track of all those informations.

He got used to some kind of routine, until one morning when John gave him a special assignment: to pick up a special customer from the airport. She had had to let go of her usual driver, and John was hoping she would use their services from then on.

He gave Robin a sign with the name “Mal Drachen” written on it, and sent him on his way. Robin wasn’t sure what to expect, since he had no idea who to look for, but the tall, blonde woman in a stylish grey pantsuit and matching fedora, meaning business, certainly wasn’t it. She headed straight towards him, looked him up and down, eyes lingering long enough in some places to have him start to feel insecure and wanting to fidget, only to conclude with a “you’ll do”, and preceded him towards the car, her suitcase rolling behind her, leaving him barely a few seconds to recover from his shock before he had to follow.

By the time he had loaded her luggage in the trunk and started the car, she was already on the phone, and Robin understood very quickly that she was no ordinary client, and exactly why John had chosen him specifically. He made his way towards Storybrooke, knowing better than to disturb her to ask for the address, it could wait.

“I’m on my way home, I just got your message, what happened?” He heard her say, keeping his eyes firmly on the road. A pause as she listened intently to her interlocutor’s reply, and then: “He did what?” Her voice became low and deadly cold, it sent an unpleasant shiver running along Robin’s spine.

“This can’t go on, you tried to let him down gently, and it’s obviously not working. He needs to be dealt with… permanently, and the sooner, the better,” she continued, and Robin forced himself not to react. There was only so many ways to interpret this conversation, and he wasn’t sure that he liked where this was going. Could it be that easy? Could he have found an actual lead so quickly?

“Of course, I’m right,” she said, after another pause. “I’ll be there soon, we’ll determine the best course of action then,” and she hung up.

A silence, and then: “I must admit that I’m rather impressed with your self-control. Usually, by this point, after such a conversation, people tend to sweat and look around for the best way to flee,” she remarked, and he looked in the rear-view mirror and caught her eyes for a second before focusing back on the road.

“Well,” he shrugged. “I make it a point to respect my client’s privacy, and I didn’t hear anything that could give me reasons to worry about my safety. Two very good incentives to keep driving,” he looked up again, and saw her smirk.

“I can see why Sheriff Graham was so eager to have you on his side, Mr Locksley,” that made Robin’s blood run cold. “I hope that we can make a competitive offer for your services,” she continued, and the vice like sensation around his heart relaxed slightly.

“How do you know…” He started, before she cut him off.

“You will realise that we know everything that happens in Storybrooke, we are well established, and people around here trust us more than they do some Sheriff thinking they are God’s gift sent to save us all, until their bosses understand that they are no better than the one before and replace them,” she told him, and well he could see her point, he had found Graham to be more than a little arrogant since their first meeting.

“What do you want from me?” He asked.

“Only that you listen to what we have to say, give us a chance to present you with some options,” she replied, and Robin gulped.

“Options?”

“Let’s wait until we are in a more comfortable setting. 108 Mifflin Street will do nicely, I trust you can find it.”

He knew the address, had passed by it several times since his arrival.

The rest of the drive was quiet, her passenger was relaxed in the backseat, while he tightened his grip on the wheel until his knuckles turned white with each mile that brought them closer to their destination.

He took a deep breath after parking the car in front of the rather impressive mansion, and exited from it to open the back door for his client. He gave her the suitcase and followed her inside.

He was surprised to find a small crowd milling about, going from one room to another, some carrying packages, others on their phones or computers, exchanging papers or a few words, in what had looked like a well practiced dance.

Each of them stopped what they were doing when they saw Mal, saluting her as she led Robin towards the back of the house. She knocked once on the door, and entered without waiting for a reply. She closed the door of what Robin quickly realised was a large study and walked to the imposing wooden desk behind which another woman had been working.

She straightened up at their entrance, and Robin’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. Mal Drachen had certainly been a vision, but this woman… she was truly delectable. It was the first time in years that he had such a reaction to a woman.

“Robin Locksley...” Mal introduced. “...meet Regina Mills.”

TBC...

“Congratulations” VS. “Started From The Bottom”

Started as a bottom, now my whole team’s fuckin’ rears.

Self-aggrandizing rap and hip-hop anthems have existed since the genre was invented. It’s just a really nice, friendly way of saying, “hey! I’m better than you.” Generally speaking, whoever is on the track should have the power and clout behind them to make all of the bragging seem warranted. A great example is Eminem’s Rap God, which has a chorus that literally has Eminem saying he’s beginning to feel like a rap god. And we buy it, because hell, Eminem basically IS a rap god. Regardless of how you feel about him, especially as a person, there’s no arguing that his flows and style require an insane amount of skill. (Or at least, they used to.)

The other big rule, once again using Rap God as an example, as that the song should actually be good. Because if you’re bragging about being the coolest rapper with the most chains and bitches while rapping like complete shit, your point is pretty much moot. When Eminem speed-raps in Rap God, it’s essentially the proof that he is in fact the man named in the title. 

There’s only one real problem with these songs when it comes to audience reception: They’re not relatable to anybody except other rich rappers and musicians. Which can be kind of a problem since that’s not really who the music industry is aiming to please. So in somewhat recent times we’ve been getting a different flavor of self-aggrandizing rap. Songs that, instead of saying “I’m super great”, they say, “Hey, I started from humble beginnings and worked my way to the top, and now I’m super great”. Which gives us viewers the idea of this sort of achievable dream that is nearly within arm’s reach.

Enter two very, very different hip-hop artists, at two very different times.

Drake and Post Malone, in my opinion, are both pretty good, in my opinion.

Let’s start with Drake. Drake feels at least a little more like a “real rapper” than Post does. Maybe because he was on Young Money, or because he doesn’t have that sing-songy flow that Post does, but he just feels more like somebody I’d describe as a rapper. If I had any reason, I’d say it’s because Post Malone’s music, even his ego-boosting shit, tends to sound stoned or morose the bulk of the time. Drake’s voice isn’t much fun either, but at least I can believe his ego based on his vocal tones alone. Post has a tendency to sound really, really sad, or just super high.

Now one might say, “Panda, you can’t compare these two songs. Started from the Bottom precedes Congratulations by four years.” But the reason I’m making this comparison is that, despite Drake being considered the superior artist by nearly everyone, Congratulations is basically the better version of its predecessor. 

Let’s discuss this.

Now for one thing, I fucking hate the music video of Started from the Bottom. Not because it’s that bad, though depicting “working at a drug store” as “the bottom” is pretty fucking stupid, the video itself does a pretty good basic job at getting across what it wants. I just hate the skit.

I remember pulling up the song on YouTube and thinking, Jesus, this song is 5 fucking minutes long? Half the lyrics are just the title. Relax, past Panda, one minute of that video is a stupid skit that shows up randomly before the second chorus. A full fucking minute of two of Drake’s coworkers, not even Drake himself, but two of his coworkers at Duane Reade or something ogling some woman who’s checking out of the store. It’s not funny, it doesn’t really add anything, and the two guys can’t act. Drake’s body language is awkward and goofy in the music video, I doubt he’d be a great actor either, but that’s fine, he’s just the guy who made the song. Most of what he needs to do is lipsync along to the track and wave his hands around anyway. But the two guys are in a skit, an acted skit that requires acting to happen, and they suck.

It doesn’t help that it’s interrupting what is already one of the most monotonous songs that the lord hath graciously dumped on top of our collective consciousness like a weighty cow turd. The video actually tries to help the song by making it look like Drake really did work a crappy job with a bunch of assholes and was raised in a shitheap. But this isn’t true.

And I hate bringing the lives of artists into their music more than anything. Because ever since really getting into Eminem’s works, I’ve been seeing every musician’s persona as a character. Now some musicians characters, like say, Mary Lambert, are very close to their real-world self, or even identical. Others, like David Bowie or the aforementioned Eminem, are essentially entirely different people offstage. Then there’s incredibly creative people like ThatPoppy who sort of blur the difference between a musical persona and the person behind it. And honestly I find that way more interesting than ripping into an artist personally. (Unless it’s Taylor Swift.)

But Started from the Bottom is an argument against critics who don’t believe Drake ever really suffered or understands the lower class. And I’ve read about him, so I can say that he should. He wasn’t living in a complete shithole, generally Canadian shitholes are better than American ones, but he still dealt with a parental divorce, bullying due to his race and Jewish upbringing, and having to see his father arrested. But there’s two issues once we reach this point.

One. This song never mentions any of that. And two. After dropping out of school he got a TV job to act as a main character on Degrassi. And since this song isn’t about his childhood, I can only assume it’s looking back on his days as a working-class young adult.

NO, Drake. BAD hip-hop artist.

Being an actor on a TV sitcom is not the bottom. Not to mention that even when he left to start making music, he essentially had his career set. Once you’re an actor on television, if people watched your shit, you can almost definitely get a job in music afterwards. It worked for Miley, Demi, Ariana, and Selena, there’s no reason it wouldn’t have worked for Drake. Not to mention that he got picked up by Young Money, which is essentially a free win for anyone who’s better and more interesting than sentient iguana man Li’l Wayne. (Which was surprisingly rare, apparently. Where the fuck is Gudda Gudda’s next single, Wayne?!)

Yes, Drake, we know you weren’t rich. That doesn’t mean you were at the bottom. I live in a comfortable apartment in Midtown and my mom works a law firm, and we don’t even call ourselves rich. “Not being rich” is different from “the bottom”. “The bottom” is only owning hand-me-down underwear, living in a downturned umbrella and eating dirt for nutrients. 

But lyrically this song doesn’t tell you anything. All the stuff I know about this guy is just from Lyric Genius and Wikipedia. 

Wow, you only argue with your mom once a month?

Lucky bastard.

Also, really quickly I wanna comment on the uncle line for a second. “The keys” are specifically to his drop top Lexus that young Drake was borrowing. I don’t think you need me to say that people who are on “the bottom” don’t tend to own convertibles. 

And, like, rich people work at night and get in traffic too. Just because you’re in a limousine doesn’t mean there’s no traffic. It’s just slightly more enjoyable traffic. 

And then Drake just spends the rest of the song essentially sucking his own dick without expanding on his hardships, which was supposed to be the point of this track from the beginning. And I don’t get the whole “no new friends” thing he always says, this isn’t the only song he’s said it in. Drake, unless you’re gonna tell me that the entirety of Young Money and several other well-known rappers went to high school with you like some kind of wacky rap music-based sitcom, I’m pretty sure you’ve made some new friends. Either that or your obvious baby crush on Nicki Minaj is painfully laced by inconceivable amounts of mistrust.

So you’re either a paranoid asshole who just admitted to not trusting the people that got him into the game in the first place, or you’re a liar. Good to know!

Honestly this song makes me just kind of not like Drake as a person. Which is probably one of the worst things you can do as an artist. If you’re trying to make a song that allows people to sympathize with your plights or revel in your success, being this illegally unlikable while doing it isn’t helping your case in the slightest.

But honestly the worst part isn’t even the douchey lyrics, it’s just the song itself. It just feels like it goes on forever.

(Pictured: A hook, apparently.)

The chorus itself is so repetitive I’d rather listen to fucking Come and Get It, Drake has a really bad habit of sounding literally bored to death, and the beat just sounds like a Future song jacked off on GarageBand. Lame snares and lame backing tunes. One whole piano key. Wow, Drake, you’re almost as good at playing physical instruments as your mentor.

(Even he hates it.)

Sad to say the beat and production is probably the best part? Drake’s voice wrecks what was already a weak beat. Whenever he wants to be self-aggrandizing he just sounds fucking bored. Like the most self-aggrandizing thing about it is the fact that he doesn’t think he needs to actually try. In fact, The Motto (YOLO) had the exact same problem. I actually prefer that song. The beat still isn’t high art, but it’s got a little more snap to it. Kind of reminds me of Sage the Gemini’s Gas Pedal, which falls into the category of songs that aren’t that great but can be danced to if put on the setlist. 

But this? It’s no fun. A hard 1 out of 5, and that’s only because its attempted premise was almost salvageable. But all I really got out of this song was that Drake is an asshole, he went to school with Lil Wayne apparently, his mom is really really nice since they only argue once a month, and he should just go back to desperately wishing his girlfriend would call him on his cell phone. You’re way better at being sad than--

Fucking... goddamnit.

Now Post Malone is kind of... different. In many ways. One time he said he doesn’t write rap music, and while normally I’d attribute that to him being a pussy who’s too afraid to contribute to what is and has always been a predominantly black genre and racism and he secretly doesn’t wanna be associated with them or whatever. But honestly I’m inclined to give Post Malone some leeway because really, he’s a singer. He makes notes. He’s singing with a hip-hop flow and occasionally has actual rap guests who... honestly end up doing a similar thing on his tracks. (In this case, it’s Quavo! Hurray!)

Oddly enough I actually went through a few songs to compare this to before settling on Drake. I considered Cheap Thrills, as they both sort of follow a similar concept of ‘today’s a good day, let’s go clubbing with only three bucks in our collective pockets’. Decided not to because really Cheap Thrills could be more accurately compared to a myriad of other songs. Considered White Iverson, his first single, but decided they didn’t really have enough in common to use it. I had options.

Really the only reason I went with this is because Congratulations succeeds in every place that Started From The Bottom fails.

Rather than attempting to detail Post Malone’s past suffering, it moreso discusses the actual rise to fame. And alllll the people who said he couldn’t do it.

Beatwise this one outclasses Drake’s already. I remember reading critics describing Started’s beat as “haunting”, which was apparently a good thing. I don’t get it. Congratulations, on the other hand, is carried by a sort of stoned, laidback tempo. Really speaks to the whole idea of “hey, we worked really hard, our album dropped, and now we can take a break and have some fun!” 

Honestly if Post Malone wrote more songs like this and less straight-up luxury porn/self-aggrandizing rap like White Iverson or rockstar. (I feel like I’m a minority in not really minding either one of those songs.) Also I must say that Post Malone seems to be really good at picking guest artists. On rockstar he has 21 Savage, whose big thing is that he’s gangsta and shoots people and don’t fuck with him, which at least fits into the attempted tone. (Honestly Sav fits better on that song than Post does.) And in Congrats, we get Quavo.

Not only do Quavo and Post sound really good together on this, as their vocal range seems somewhat similar implying some kind of bro-type unity shit. Honestly this song gives me more band vibes than rockstar does, albeit a very different kind.

You know, you just started your band, you’re waiting to hit it big, you’ve put in all this effort with barely any money, you’re living in a shitbag apartment with 4 other sweaty dudes and you all have to sleep together and Quavo keeps rolling over and shoving his nuts in your face. It’s completely garbage and your drummer has to whore himself out for money, you accidentally get paid for a gig in beer tickets like in that one episode of Metalocalypse, and then finally, FINALLY, you drop a tape that hits big. You get on TV, you meet a record exec, and you’re calling your mom during the afterparty and you’re all celebrating because it’s been so LONG since you could just have a BREAK and now everybody’s SAUCIN’.

EXACTLY.

The lyrics work perfectly for this, but not only that, it’s to show all of the naysayers who insisted they couldn’t do it. All the haters who are now suddenly super gung-ho about how they used to be friends with Post Malone even though they actually shoved him in a locker literally every day. This somehow manages to be super-laidback and super-hype at the same time, which seems to be Post’s general style. Candy Paint has sort of a similar feel. That’s also a fucking great song. I love Post Malone. There. I said it.

But the biggest difference between these two songs is that I somehow get some feeling that Post Malone started somewhere. When I hear Congratulations, I feel like he actually had to put in some effort to get where he is. His first big hit only even got released because somebody leaked it. Nobody was ever expecting it to be as big as it is. Stoney in general is an insanely personal album, and it all feels surprisingly honest for the genre despite the drops of luxury porn and self-aggrandizing. 

Basically, TL;DR: Drake cares more about the destination than the journey. Post gives us both the conflict and they payoff. Drake’s beat lacks texture or purpose, whereas Post manages to meld his melodic voice with a smooth backing track. Also, Post occasionally bothers with wordplay! Lyricism in a melodic rap song? Who would’ve thought?

Hell, it even manages to fix the “no new friends” idea displayed by Drake by sort of re-interpreting it as “no fake friends”.

And fuck, I almost forgot to mention Quavo.

Oh Quavo. Your verse may be short, severely lacking in punchlines and technically mediocre, but you just... you sound good. You sound good with Post. Somehow Post fucking Malone manages to totally outclass one of the Migos on this track. But Quavo does pretty well. I kinda like the “Huncho Houdini” line and a few of the football puns. In the end his verse is a little too short to really judge as anything more than decent.

(Also, the music video is great.)

But yeah, who would’ve thought this white stoner with braided sideburns would manage to completely slam Drake, the god of the late 2010′s? I’m honestly tempted to give this thing a 5 out of 5, but due to a few not-rhymes that nearly slip past due to Post’s mild drunken slur, I’d have to drop it into a 4.5/5. Still, I love this song. I love this song, I love Post Malone, fuck it. Judge me if you want. I have yet to hear a Post Malone song I don’t like.

Which I guess doesn’t mean much since he only has an album and an LP out, but...

It’s more than can be said for Drake at this point.