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rubyuji · 23 days

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The Reason for My Smile (Kim Mingyu) 🪡

“Guys come on, Mingyu is approved by my brother! How can I not care? I know I’m still scared because of the whole Chan fiasco but can you blame me?” ✮⋆˙

Genre: Angst, Fluff

AU: University!au, Nonidol!au

Pairing: Ex!Chan x Fem!Reader, Brother’s Best Friend!Mingyu x Fem!Reader (Literally Seungcheol’s younger sister)

Warnings: A bit of cursing, a break up over text but that’s about it.

Synopsis: Diving into a long-term relationship is scary for anyone for that matter, except the breakup from yours had left you traumatized because it happened over text. From then on you vowed to never wear your heart on your sleeve ever again, but your brother’s own best friend promised to change your perspective.

Note: My first ever Seventeen fic on this account, so it’s still a work in progress, but it’s definitely something! (Esp since I haven’t written in awhile). It used to be an Enhypen fic originally, but it took a lot of editing and proofreading, along with a lot of changes. Happy reading! Don’t forget to like + reblog! It would mean the world.

Word Count: 7.7k words (I’ve never written so much)

Your relationship with Chan wasn’t precisely the dreamy or ideal relationship you had hoped for but as someone who had almost no experience, put that and being a people pleaser together, and you have whatever is left of your so-called relationship.

It’s not like Chan was a bad person or anything, the boy was quite the softie, so he’s probably just as overwhelmed as you were when it came to dating.

The latter part of the relationship consisted of you trying to understand him as best as you could, that was until inconsistencies started popping up a lot more.

Chan felt distant, he was more busy, despite the two of you being in the same major. That was the whole basis of your relationship after all. At the beginning of your relationship, it was sweet and full of the first times. Chan used to hold your hand, his other one holding your bag, as you would walk to the diner across campus and stay there for hours just talking about your day.

The soft gazes he’d give you whenever your eyes met, the flowers he’d give you on a random day, and the late-night calls wherein one of you ended up asleep. It was like a broken record that rewind itself during the late hours when you would start to question his love for you.

Those moments seem like old memories to you now as you see another apologetic text from your boyfriend. Another text where he promised to make it up to you and that he’d do better next time, it was starting to become a routine where you got stood up by him.

You wondered what on earth would keep your boyfriend so busy, especially when you both had ended up together because you took the same classes. You weren’t a slacker and always got your work done on time, so things weren’t adding up, especially when you both always tried to help one another.

The week after your midterms, you decided to visit your family and stay at home for a little bit.

Your family lived thirty minutes away from campus and you honestly couldn’t bother to make a drive that long every day, so you opted to stay in the dorms to save time, but on occasion, you would suck it up for a few days whenever your living space felt too tight.

Today was one of those days, but it felt a lot worse than you’d like to admit.

“Hey, I’m gonna go stay at my family’s for the weekend, and on Monday, just try not to make a mess here or anything.” You say to your roommate, Bora, who nods without looking at you.

Your roommate had an annoying habit of not looking at people whenever she was focused on her work, but you grew quite used to it and just shrugged it off after a few months.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I only ever have Chaeyoung or Hyewon over so no mess and no broken belongings. Have fun and say hi to Seungcheol for me if you see him, will you? Drive safe Y/n,” Bora finally turns to you from her bed and you laugh.

Seungcheol was a good brother and had a heart of gold, but you couldn’t handle your friends gushing over him in front of your face, it just felt weird when you grew up right beside him, the image of a younger Cheol picking his nose suddenly registering itself into your brain as you cringed.

You couldn’t care less about who he’d date though, it was none of your business, even as his little sister. As long as he didn’t end up hurt or hurting anyone, your brother was free to be with who he liked.

“Sure, I’ll leave a word when I see him. Tell me if anything comes up, and now I’ll get going! Bye, Bora!” You picked up your backpack and made the short walk to your car, ready to go home and lay on your childhood bed, which was admittedly more comfortable than the one you had in the dorm.

You text Chan about going to your family’s place, and the boy follows up with a thumbs-up emoji and an ‘I love you, stay safe’ text.

Your boyfriend didn’t have much to say anyway, and you were starting to grow bored with the way things were going. He probably felt the same way and you couldn’t blame him when you couldn’t keep your mouth shut either, since you seemed to be the only one exerting effort at this point.

He might even find you annoying now but didn’t have the heart to tell you because he was just that nice.

“Breaking up is honestly super tempting right now and I honestly can’t stand it anymore! It’s driving me mad, Cheol!” You whine as you stop at the intersection that leads into your neighborhood.

You didn’t mean to rub it in or anything, but you did live in a wealthier part of town, which explained the long drive home, and you were so glad to see the familiar area after a stressful trip.

It just so happened that halfway through the drive, your poor brother had to endure fifteen minutes of your rambling like some counselor even though he simply just wanted to check up on you.

“Y/n, just break up with him then, simple. It’s been months since you started telling me about how bad it’s getting, and honestly, I’m horrified to hear about what else is to come once you get here. I love you so much, really I do, but this boy is full of empty promises and lies,” Seungcheol sighs deeply.

The light turns green and you finally drive into your street, completely forgetting you were on the phone.

“Fuck don’t ignore me like that, I know how much you both liked your sweet puppy love phase, but get a grip Y/n. Chan is draining you, and he’s probably just as tired as you are. It’s time to stop hanging onto that year you both had,” You pull into your driveway and click your tongue.

Your brother was right, but it also killed you knowing you’d hate the thought of not having Chan around anymore. It was all easier said than done, especially when you felt incomplete without him.

“I see your ass in the driveway, Mom and Dad went out to get food so you have a fuck ton of explaining to do.” You see Seungcheol in the window and laugh before honking at him, scaring the living daylights out of him in the process.

“I’ll be in, like five. Let me get my bag ok? And tell Kkuma I’m here, I missed her.” You turn the engine off and grab your bag from the back, a wave of comfort and warmth washing over your form as you look at the house.

“Anyways, I’ve been contemplating on wanting to break up with him because I think he’s tired of me and maybe I did become quite annoying. Unless I’m invalidating my feelings and gaslighting myself into thinking I’m the problem,” You go on.

At this point, it was past dinner time and you and Seungcheol were in your room, dressed for bed and still talking about your problems. Poor Kkuma looked ready to curl up beside you and sleep but was forced to stay awake because of how miserable you were over some boy.

Seungcheol grimaced and set down a makeshift bed for the poor dog to lie on before turning to look at you with a concerned expression. “I think the latter, but you can be the judge of that. Now-” Cheol was cut off by your phone chiming and you turned to look at who on earth was texting you at one in the morning.

Your face turns pale as you look at the screen, and this automatically worries your brother, but his expression immediately hardens as he knows who it could be from.

“It’s from him isn’t it?” You nod slowly, the tears starting to fall from your eyes, dripping down your cheeks and onto the comforter you were on. Every word hit you like a ton of bricks, you felt helpless.

From: Chanie ^^

I think we need to break up. This relationship is holding me back and it’s starting to feel like a chore, I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough for you Y/n. I started to grow bored and you irritated me to no end, I don’t even think we would work even if we tried. This is my last goodbye to you, I’m sorry again that it had to end this way but I’m still young and feel like I’m not ready for something as serious as this.

You showed Seungcheol the message, only then realizing that your number was also blocked, preventing you from saying anything more. You were appalled, to say the least, your mouth hanging wide open as choked sobs started to come out slowly.

A year, a year went to waste with the person you thought would understand you best, the person you thought would hold your heart close to his, only for him to break it. The person who did the most and still managed to disappoint you.

Seungcheol held you close and you cried into his chest, Kkuma was suddenly on the bed licking your face and the world fell still at that exact moment. The moment you vowed to never trust anyone with your heart ever again.

You were a mess the rest of the semester following the text, crying on the couch the entire weekend as Seungcheol tried to console you, along with your oldest brother, but nothing worked.

You did go to class as normal, but you completely shut everyone out and limited socializing to only your family and friends until after finals.

Your break was coming up, and you were honestly relieved, to say the least. Bora was on the other side of the room getting ready to go home to see her family as well, packing up everything on her side in the process, but then you heard her huff as a pillow hit your head, interrupting the silence that was shared.

“What the fuck Kim?” You whined, taking the pillow and hugging it. Bora plants herself on the spot next to you, you look at her with a frown as she laughs.

“I’m gonna miss you roomie, but I’ll visit you often either way since you’re technically my best friend now. Now stop frowning, Chan was an idiot for breaking up with you. How you managed to get through the rest of the semester, I will never know, but you should go put yourself out there again! There’s bound to be another guy ready to treat you better, so stop moping ok? I know it’ll be hard, but I promise it’s not that bad. Have a bit of fun with it,” You pout at Bora’s words.

She was right, but the breakup over a text fiasco left you traumatized. Chan wasn’t the best boyfriend, and you both had your moments, but you weren’t ready to trust someone again just yet.

What if it ends the same way, or even worse? What if you were too boring? Questions swirl through your mind but Bora snaps you out of it.

“Hey, take it easy. Let’s hang out over break, just us girls showing Chan what he’s missing out on! Can you believe he left you? You’re a gem Y/n, a lot more people want you than you think. Now hurry up and pack the rest of your things!” You take in Bora’s words and nod.

It would be hard, but taking baby steps and meeting new people wouldn’t hurt. No rushing into serious connections just yet.

When you got home that day, you were happy enough to lay on your bed once again, all worries and concerns gone for the next few months. Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door and see Seungcheol walking in. You raise your eyebrow at him and your brother chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I was wondering if maybe we can hang out? Like all of your friends and mine,” Seungcheol looks down and plays with his fingers nervously. You were confused by his proposal but urged him to continue.

“Look, I like Bora and Minghao has this huge crush on Hyewon. Can you at least help us? Please? Look, I’ll take you shopping and even buy you food if I have to,” Your brother sounded like he was pleading almost so you really couldn’t help but feel bad.

“Cheol it’s ok, I’ll take you up on the shopping, now give me a date so I can tell the girls.” You smiled softly. Seungcheol punches the air and you laugh at his antics, you knew Bora also had the biggest crush on him so setting them up would be a breeze. Hyewon was a mystery you had yet to uncover though.

“I barely know your friends though, like I’ve met Jeonghan but who the hell is Minghao and how does he know about Hyewon?” Seungcheol lies down beside you on the bed and opens his phone, showing you a picture of him and three other guys.

Seungcheol then starts pointing out the two new faces to you. The lean and prince-looking one was Minghao and the tall, puppy-looking guy was named Mingyu. You couldn’t help but pay more attention to Mingyu, he was really attractive and you wanted to get to know him.

“Anyways, they’re the two new people in my frat. They’re super cool and like-” “Are you gonna bring Mingyu?” You cut him off mid-sentence, still in awe at Mingyu. Seungcheol’s brows knit and he rolls his eyes at you whilst you stick your tongue out at him.

“What happened to not dating? Come on Y/n, be serious,” You slap your brother’s face jokingly, the male screaming dramatically from beside you.

You didn’t want to get your heart broken again, but putting yourself out there wouldn’t hurt, as long as it didn’t get too serious, you were going to be ok.

“Shut up, it’s not like it’s gonna be a super serious thing just yet. Mingyu looks like a total hottie, I just wanna get to know him, have a little fun and get a bit of attention again,” You were ass at lying, so Seungcheol could only laugh at you.

“I trust you with him, Mingyu’s a very easygoing guy if that’s important to you. He’s also super single because he’s waiting for the right person,” he smirks at you.

Easygoing? And he’s waiting for the right person? On top of all that he’s cute and your brother trusts him with you? It sounded too good to be true.

You were happy for a moment, but doubts started to cloud your judgment once again. He sounded like a good guy, but how long until he turns into Chan and gets bored of you? It was starting to scare you again.

“Cheol, I don’t know-” Your brother gives you a serious look and sits up.

“I hope you understand that he’s not Chan, Y/n. Not all relationships are going to be like your last unless you try to take that leap. I promise you, he’s not a bad guy. Like, if he hurts you, I’ll hurt him because you mean a lot to me” You nod at Seungcheol, finally thinking positively and securely.

Not everyone is going to be like Chan, you knew that, but your memories and feelings for the boy held you back.

“Now, how does nineteenth sound?” Your brother asks you. You text your friends, immediately getting the green light from the three of them, Bora sounding the most excited.

“Perfect, and your girlfriend is just as excited as you are,” Cheol’s face turns a deep red before he runs out of your room in embarrassment, yelling about something along the lines of planning the perfect outfit. You guessed it was probably to impress Bora anyway, so you didn’t question him.

The silence of your room welcomes you once again and you are back into your thoughts. Mingyu sounded like a guy who would take someone seriously, maybe it’s just what you needed because guys your age didn’t have that much to go off of.

He was Seungcheol approved, and you told yourself that a million times, only because he hadn’t approved of anyone else but Mingyu. Chan could get past your parents and oldest brother, but not Cheol, so it was an odd situation to be in.

“I’ll figure it out later, right now, I need to sleep.” You put your phone off to the side and close your eyes.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure everything out once the nineteenth rolls around, both Seungcheol and Bora did say similar things, so maybe those two had a point. ‘No wonder they like each other, they’re the same person,’ you thought as the sleep took over.

Two days had passed and the dreaded day had rolled around much quicker than you had anticipated. As you put on light makeup, your friends are in the background screaming at each other throughout the entirety of your Facetime call because you all decided that it was a good idea to get ready together.

“Bora, it’s Seungcheol! He’s like Y/n’s male version so you don’t need to freak out that much! Now Y/n, show us the fit. You’re the only one who didn’t show us yet!” Hyewon whined over the phone.

“I’m wearing a gray long-sleeved, asymmetrical knit top, black skirt, and combat boots. For hair, I’m leaving it down and wavy, I don’t care much,” You say softly.

The girls suddenly burst out laughing as you put on your outfit, they didn’t seem to believe you one bit when you said you didn’t care because they knew you genuinely did care and tried not to.

“Guys come on, Mingyu is approved by my brother! How can I not care? I know I’m still scared because of the whole Chan fiasco but can you blame me?” Your friends hum in agreement until you hear the door behind you open.

“Y/n— Are you calling your friends right now? We’re leaving in a minute because Mingyu’s driving so hurry your ass up will you. Also hi Bora! Hi Hyewon and Chaeyoung,” Seungcheol grins stupidly.

You roll your eyes at your brother for obviously singling Bora out and tell your friends that you are going to see them in a bit.

“Bye, Y/n! Have fun looking at your new boy toy driving, already a huge upgrade from Chan!” Wonyoung laughs.

You end the Facetime call with a roll of your eyes before turning to look at Seungcheol with an eyebrow raised. Seungcheol puts his hands up defensively before you both hear a car honking outside.

“Mingyu’s here, grab your bag, and let’s go!” You huff as your brother rushes you, he was practically itching to see his crush, and embarrassingly enough, you too were excited to meet Mingyu and Minghao.

With your bag in hand, along with your phone, you finally follow Cheol outside and see a Range Rover of the latest model in black. Damn, Mingyu was in a different league that was for sure.

Seungcheol opens the door for you as you head in. You see Jeonghan riding shotgun and Wonwoo in the back smiling at you. “Y/n! So happy to see you again, I think this is your first time meeting Mingyu and Minghao,” Jeonghan says from the front.

You squeeze in the center comfortably and nod. Wonwoo was cute, he greeted you politely and was very friendly, but when your eyes met Mingyu’s, you suddenly became quite flustered. He held a sharp gaze, the watch on his wrist not helping you in the slightest.

“The shopping center downtown right?” Seungcheol nods at Mingyu’s words, his deep voice causing you to flush. You prayed to whoever was up there that you would at least survive the day because the tension in the car with him was enough to drive you nuts.

“So Y/n, how’s that thing with Chan?” You freeze up when Jeonghan suddenly brings up your ex, but you forget not everyone knew about the devastating breakup over text.

“We broke up over text...” You reply awkwardly. Jeonghan gasps as your brother runs his palm down his face, he knew better than anyone not to bring up Chan during the time you were still trying to move on.

“Hyung, give her a break. Sounds like it must’ve been rough, I’m sorry about that. He seems like a shitty guy, breaking up with you over text? Are you sure this isn’t a sitcom Y/n?” Mingyu speaks up as he looks at you from the rearview mirror. You feel your cheeks heat up slightly, nodding in embarrassment, but for some reason, you were shocked upon hearing Mingyu’s words.

Wow, he really picked Chan apart in a way you wouldn’t ever dare to. His bluntness snapped you right back to reality and you could hear Minghao chuckle from beside you. “What’s so funny?” You raise a brow at the boy.

“Mingyu hasn’t been this disheartened over anything in a while, it’s crazy that he’s already scrutinizing your ex based on how you broke up,” Minghao explains. Mingyu glares at him and huffs, looking so done and just ready to explain himself.

“Listen, in my personal opinion, I think breaking up with a long-term partner over text is stupid and a cowardly move. There were so many other ways he could have gone about it but over text? At least call or something instead, it’s super disrespectful towards your partner to leave them hanging without proper closure.” Your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets upon hearing the reason behind his agitation.

So far, Mingyu was seriously proving you wrong the more he opened his mouth to say something, but you still weren’t ready because what if he’s even worse? The feeling still lingers and it’s almost like the ghost of your ex is not letting you go just yet.

“Mingyu’s right, I thought you both had something to be fair. Seeing how puppy love was just a phase makes me think I was quite wrong, you deserve better. Like Mingyu here for example! He’s very single and is looking for the right person, which could be you.” Jeonghan jokingly says.

You notice Mingyu’s ears turn red as he pulls into the shopping center. The car was suddenly filled with an awkward silence, everyone stunned at the oldest’s proposition. You and Mingyu had just met, what was he on about with you being his possible partner? It was crazy.

After Mingyu had parked his car, you all made your way toward your designated meeting spot. You could see Cheol and Minghao freeze up upon seeing Bora and Hyewon, causing a laugh to make its way out of your throat.

“Y/n! Over here!” The girls beckoned you over as you purposely ran in their direction to tease the guys.

It was a day to bring them together was it not? Yet you still took the opportunity to tease the boys as you wished. It was pretty funny to look at their reactions knowing they liked your friends.

“Hi guys, I brought Cheol and Jeonghan. The newbies are Minghao and, Mingyu” You say with a pause. Your friends squeal wildly at the mention of Mingyu’s name, shoving you with their elbows as you all laugh.

“Minghao is so cute actually, is he single by any chance?” Hyewon smirks, eyeing the male up and down.

You giggle and nod, your friend had no idea that the said boy was here for her, which made your job of setting them up much easier. Your work was basically cut out for you the moment they laid their eyes on each other.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll know in a bit. For now, let’s all focus on having fun today shall we?” You sling your hand over Bora’s shoulder, not noticing Mingyu’s intense stare at your form. Seungcheol and Jeonghan notice the action, causing the two of them to nudge the boy playfully.

“Bro, go shoot your shot. There’s so much tension between the two of you, I hope you know that” Cheol laughs.

Mingyu shakes his head at his words profusely, there was no way he was going to overstep a boundary, even if it was Seungcheol himself encouraging it.

You notice the boys talking amongst themselves but decide to shrug it off, they were probably planning their moves on your friends, but how do you tell them that they didn’t even need to try that much? They all seemed to like each other after all.

Between Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s continuous pestering, Mingyu had felt your gaze on them, causing his cheeks to grow hot. You were really pretty, and that goes without saying, but you had just gotten out of something long-term.

The time needed to heal you first, or at least that’s what he thought, since his mom had always taught him to be patient with the ones he loved or cared about.

“Give her time guys, I don’t think I can just rush in like that. Y/n came out of a slightly traumatizing event, so if you jump right in, it will only push the person away further. I should be friends with her at most while we’re still getting to know each other,” Mingyu makes eye contact with you and notices how you quickly avoid his eyes.

The day had gone by quite smoothly since then, each of you dispersing into little pairs after a while because your friends couldn’t seem to help themselves, which is what led you to where you were now. In a store, with Mingyu, picking out clothes for him to try on.

You had nothing better to do anyway, so why not style your brother’s hot friend, even though Mingyu himself already had impeccable fashion taste?

You bite your lip as you focus on the outfit, visualizing what it would look like on Mingyu, and how you could coordinate everything.

Mingyu thought it was adorable with how much thought and focus you had decided to put in when you were only doing this for fun, he ultimately decided to buy the outfit once he was done trying it on.

“Here, sorry I took so long. I haven’t styled anyone since my ex and my older brother, so this is the best you’re gonna get for now,” You handed him the items in your arms and pushed him toward the fitting rooms, eager to see how well you did.

“It’s no problem because you did put the time and effort into styling me, I might go ahead and buy it if it does end up being my style,” Mingyu smiles at you softly.

He was sweet, you had to admit. It wasn’t like Chan had noticed you putting effort into styling him so a little affirmation made your heart swell.

“You don’t have to, I kind of play around with it. I bet you will look good since you seem like you’d look good in anything” You admit shyly.

Mingyu was fun to be around, even if it was your first time meeting, you already felt as if you had known the man for a while. All around Mingyu was just considerate and one of the best people you could’ve ever met.

“Yeah, sure you do, I know you put a lot more effort either way. Let me try this on now, otherwise, I’d be too distracted looking into your eyes. Give me a minute and I’ll show you how it looks,” You nod as Mingyu closes the curtain, only then taking in what he had said to you. He was not being serious but was so smooth with how he flirted with you just now.

A minute had gone by and you heard Mingyu call your name, so you made your way over, only to find your heart nearly falling out of your ass the moment you saw him. He looked so good, great even, and you couldn’t help but stare.

Mingyu adorned a white shirt underneath a black zip-up jacket, adding detail by zipping up the bottom of it, and light-wash jeans. It was a really simple outfit, but you had to admit, he did tie the whole look together.

“How does it look? I think you did well honestly, I’ll buy the entire outfit right now. Let me go change so we can go meet up with the others,” Mingyu smiles.

You were amazing at what you did, it impressed him how you were able to pull such an outfit together in just a few minutes.

“I think it looks great, I’m flattered you like it so much that you’d buy it right now. Maybe I can style you again if there is a next time?” You reply shyly. You couldn’t meet Mingyu’s eyes because he looked so good.

From that moment on, Mingyu made it his mission to heal your heart and prove to you that you deserved a second chance at being treated better.

He had come to your house quite often and taken you out a few times, so much to the point that everyone around you started noticing that you were almost always with each other.

“You know what, this is the happiest I’ve seen you. Your relationship with Chan started to strain and you had become more dull and miserable, but being around Mingyu gave you a new kind of glow for some reason,” Chaeyoung quips.

You tilt your head in confusion, you liked his company but you hadn’t noticed any other changes.

“He’s great, but I’m still hesitant. You know how I am, as I get he’s not Chan, but who knows how everything would play out in the long run?” You say sadly.

Mingyu was more than amazing, he respected your wishes not to have a relationship, but still treated you in ways people could only dream of, but in his words, he was ‘courting’ you, something people don’t do much these days.

He was attentive, took care of you well, and would always be there for you no matter what. He truly was the real definition of being ‘one call away’. This was all so new to you, even being courted was something totally out of the ordinary.

“Y/n, he’s courting you. Not enough people willingly do that these days, so you have the guy wrapped around your finger. He’s patiently waiting for an answer from you, like do you remember everything you’ve told us?” Hyewon huffs out from above you as she is doing your hair.

It was girl’s night and you had decided to bring up your worries and updates to your friends, but you had forgotten the fact that you had also told them the details about your escapades with Mingyu.

From where you would go to what you did, down to the time he took you home, and if Seungcheol truly did approve of him.

“Did Chan ever actually think about how you felt in a certain situation? You know besides you telling him it’s ok and all? Usually being together with someone for over a year would allow you to read them better, but Chan barely knew your little habits. Bora took them in after a month of knowing you, which is concerning. Now on to Mingyu, what did he say that one time?” Chaeyoung snaps her fingers and you instantly know what she is talking about.

You came home one day and had gone the whole day without eating. You were out with your parents and they hadn’t considered if you were hungry or not since they were busy and had already eaten, so when you got home, you quietly slipped next to Mingyu in the living room after seeing the guys watching a movie.

“Hey, you’re home. How was spending the day with your parents?” Mingyu whispers from beside you. You shrug and he gives you a look that encourages you to tell him more.

“I hadn’t eaten anything, but honestly it’s ok now since I’m not hungry at all…” You trail off.

Mingyu shakes his head and takes his phone out, but you go over to stop him. He shouldn’t spend anything on you, and you already told him you weren't hungry so you felt as if you were only bothering him.

“Are you sure you’re not hungry?” You see your favorite restaurant on the delivery app on his phone and blush. Did he remember your favorite restaurant and order? That was sweet of him.

“No it’s ok I can manage,” You pretended not to see him already inputting the order and paying for it, but you still couldn’t help it when your stomach growled loudly. Mingyu raises a brow at you as you chuckle awkwardly.

“I’m getting you food, I know you’re hungry” Mingyu laughs. You hit his shoulder but thanked him gratefully for even thinking of you, it was a small gesture but it still meant a lot.

“How about that time he got you flowers for no reason?” Bora says while laughing.

You roll your eyes, she was the first person you had freaked out to over the phone because Mingyu had gotten you a bouquet of roses on a random Thursday with Seungcheol.

“What’s this?” You ask as Mingyu sets down a bunch of fresh roses wrapped in brown paper on the counter in front of you. Cheol and Mingyu had just gotten back from grocery shopping for your mom and then Mingyu came back with flowers, of course, you would be confused.

“I got you flowers because we saw them on the way out, and I thought you'd like them” Mingyu started taking out the groceries from the bags as your brother walked in with the last batch from the car. You flick Cheol’s forehead, but the older male can only smirk and laugh at you.

“Why? There’s no occasion,” You try to excuse, but you couldn’t hide how flustered you were.

Mingyu had thought of you while they were out? He did mean it when he said he wanted to treat you better.

“Can I not get you flowers even if there’s no occasion? Y/n, you don’t need to ask or have a reason to receive flowers, I hope you know that. I’m surprised this hadn’t been done for you more often than not” Mingyu’s back was still turned toward you, which you were thankful for because you probably looked like a tomato at that moment.

That night poor Bora had to endure an earful from you, just because Mingyu was a great guy who treated you the way you deserved.

Thinking back at those moments, you could only see the good in Mingyu, so you wanted your friends’ approval. He was already brother and parent-approved so that only left your best friends.

“Well, do you guys think I should finally give him an answer? It’s been a few months, and even if I am scared, I can’t let this chance go.” Hyewon finishes up your hair and pats your head, signaling her answer. You look at the others, who only grin back at you and you laugh.

“Y/n, he’s been a green flag since the beginning. It’s a good opportunity knowing he’s the type that’s ready to settle down,” Bora also brings up.

Seungcheol had always emphasized that Mingyu was a date-to-marry and long-term relationship kind of guy, which makes sense as to why you were one of the first people he had ever been super serious with when it came to dating.

“You guys are always the best, I’m glad everyone around me approves. I mean, I won’t know until I try right?” Chaeyoung hugs you and you sigh in content.

You were finally moving on, you were finally healing. It felt fulfilling in a sense, and knowing you were finally starting a new chapter with a great person, you felt as though your life was finally turning out for the better.

After a chaotic girls’ night, you had called up Mingyu to meet you at your favorite cafe that the two of you frequented. You were quite nervous, to say the least, but you were ready to take this huge step of moving on with the person who treated you right.

You hear the bell of the cafe chime, and you finally see the person you were expecting. Mingyu walked in, his hair down in its usual state, and in a casual but comfortable outfit.

He looked like he had just come from the gym. Your heart raced at how good he looked, he always did look his best whenever he came to see you, and you always appreciated the effort.

Mingyu spots you and walks over with a wide smile. He was always so damn charming, you couldn’t believe he was all yours. He pulls out the seat in front of you and plops on it, his attention fully on you. ‘Attentive as always, I don’t deserve you,’ you thought.

“You wanted to talk?” Mingyu finally breathes out upon seeing you. You nod and take his hands in yours, you were going to tell him how you finally felt because he deserved an answer. He had already done so much for you, the least you could do was show him that all his efforts were finally paying off.

“I think I’m ready to give you my answer. The past few months you had decided to court me and I’m thankful you were patient enough to wait for my answer. You’ve proved to me that relationships aren’t limited to how I and my ex went about ours and that if a guy wanted to do something, he would. So my answer is already set, I’ll be your girlfriend, Gyu.” You look up at him, only to see Mingyu grinning like an idiot.

He was elated, he finally got the answer he was waiting for and you saying yes only made it a hundred times better. Mingyu fully understood how much your last relationship had affected you, so he only made it a point to court you, knowing you weren’t ready for a commitment just yet.

He wanted you to be ready for him to love you and treat you the way you deserved, so he didn’t push it and waited for you to come around on your own, which you did.

“You have no idea how happy and relieved I am to hear you say that. Y/n, I’m so glad you gave me the chance to love you and care for you. I’m glad you gave me the chance to prove myself to you. I promise I will not hurt you in any way at all, and I promise to be as communicative as possible with my feelings so that you don’t end up in the dark. I want you to know everything because you deserve it,” Mingyu admits, not breaking his gaze on you.

“Mingyu, you’re everything I could’ve ever asked for. I don’t know what else to say. The past few months I’d been so scared to love again, to give a relationship another chance, but you’ve proved me wrong and even waited for me to be ready. You don’t understand how much that means to me,” You continue to fidget with his hands, but then he suddenly takes yours and places a kiss on your knuckle.

You blush at the action, you weren’t used to feeling or receiving this kind of affection since it had been quite some time, but with Mingyu, you weren’t afraid of anything, because you trusted him as much as he trusted you.

Needless to say, even months after you had given Mingyu an answer, he remained the same and still acted like he was courting you.

The only difference? He was finally your boyfriend and you were finally his girlfriend. You felt how serious he was about you when he had even introduced you to his parents, and they were just as lovely as their son was.

“Mom wants to go shopping with us on her birthday this weekend, I told her I would take her on a birthday date but she insisted you come along. She loves you that much already,” Mingyu chuckles as he walks into your room, fresh out of the shower. You laugh, his mom was the sweetest person, and you finally understand where your boyfriend gets it from.

“I’m down if she’d like, but you’re not getting me anything ok? You already spoil me enough and I don’t want you to spend too much–” You squeal as you feel Mingyu’s arms around you, the two of you falling flat on the bed.

Before you two could move from your position, you heard a knock at your door. It was Seungcheol, and you immediately pulled away from Mingyu once you saw him, still flustered and embarrassed from the previous action.

“Hey, if you two are going to be in the house, at least have some decency while I’m here!” Your brother whines.

You laugh and see him let Kkuma in the room. She had been with Cheol the whole day, so you and your siblings usually took turns spending time with the dog. You were the sibling in Kkuma’s night shift, meaning you had to take the dog in for the night since she liked sleeping in your room.

You thank Cheol for letting Kkuma in and bid your brother goodnight. Once the door closed, you looked over to see your boyfriend on the floor with Kkuma laying on her back.

“Hey, that’s my dog! Kkuma, you can’t just steal my boyfriend like that, and Gyu you can’t just do that to my child!” You joke. They looked perfect, and suddenly you start to imagine what your little family with Mingyu would look like.

Mingyu was the perfect partner to settle with, after all, he was caring and dependable, but also super honest and was not afraid to show or express how he felt. He just knew whenever you weren’t up to do something, or if something was bothering you.

“Is something wrong?” Mingyu noticed that you were more quiet than usual today because you almost always told him about your day. He noticed how your smile hadn’t reached your eyes and how you were fidgeting with your fingers more.

“It’s nothing” You tried to brush it off, but truthfully, you weren’t doing well. You just didn’t have the strength to let him know or the strength to explain how you felt, all you wanted to do was rest and go to sleep.

“Y/n, you can tell me anything ok? Be as open as you want to be, I’m always here for you and will not judge you no matter what. If you don’t have the energy to tell me, it’s ok. Just rest here” You feel his arms being wrapped around you as he strokes your hair. The action was small but it helped you ease up a lot.

“It’s hard Gyu, I don’t know how to deal with everything. I don’t have the energy to stress over anything right now,” You whisper. Mingyu rocks you back and forth, still playing with your hair as he places kisses on your forehead.

“Whatever it is you’re going through, I hope you know that I’m proud enough that you decide to wake up every day and do everything with a smile, even if the world has wronged you. you’re so brave and amazing Y/n, please do not ever doubt yourself” Mingyu replies softly.

“Gyu, you don’t understand how much your words have helped me” You kiss him softly. You felt so lucky to have him, he was beyond the best partner you had ever been blessed with.

“Mingyu, could I ask you something?” You say suddenly. The two of you were at his parent’s place since Mingyu had decided to take you to his childhood home in Anyang as a gift for your four-month anniversary.

“Mhm?” He hummed, putting down a plate of food on the coffee table in the living room, and sitting next to you on the couch.

“Why haven’t we said I love you to each other at any point in our relationship just yet? The others have asked me about it, but I just can’t come up with an answer to get them to leave me alone,” you whine. Mingyu laughs and kisses your cheek gently.

“Tell them that saying I love you isn’t easy when it comes to us, you haven’t said it either so we’re simply making sure that I can say it when the time is right. It’s not that I don’t or anything, but those words aren’t exactly an easy thing to just pop out there. The time will come when we can both say it meaningfully. Right now, we are still early into our relationship and have a lot to learn. I hope you understand where I’m coming from” he tells you.

It wasn’t that hard to understand what he meant. Mingyu had always been more careful, even if he didn’t say I love you, he still affirmed you and expressed his love for you in his actions.

Loving someone still comes in many forms, so the words I love you could wait because they should come from a place where you both fully understand and can comprehend how meaningful the three words are.

“I honestly think the same way, in a sense, I’m glad you’re honest about how you feel because I’ve been in a place wherein I was pressured into doing the action just because it was normal for everyone else, but not all of us are the same. Thank you, Gyu, you’re always the best with words.” Mingyu holds you close and you both sigh in content.

He wanted to treat you better, and he did. He wanted to show you better, and he expressed it in the best way possible.

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vizthedatum · 1 year

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Things "concerned" healthcare professionals who are your friends should not say to a fat person (or any person) who posts this after clearly having a bad day

On Oct 4, 2022, I posted this: https://www.instagram.com/p/CjTHAXjrpuY/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

"CW/TW: body stuff, consumerism, medical things, mention of “fat”

So, like how do you (read: me with a very annoying fear of judgement) post something like this? (I guess I’m just posting this anyway because I’m so tired of giving into my fears anymore)

I had my routine medical treatment appointment thing today and it was just so rough - I’ve been having them on and off for years now and since last August, I’ve been taking it way more seriously. I just want to cry and cry - I know I’m resilient and all that and I’m used to it but it’s still so fucking hard every single time. Jon took me to a pie place afterwards and this is almost all for me (Jon claimed two of the pie slices). Yep: the wine, the two drinks, the three slices of pie, oh! and very likely a lot of medication. It’s hard to post because food posts (esp indulgent ones full of things that might flare you up or cause people to think that you’re being irresponsible) are hard to post when you’re fat and chronically ill. All food posts are hard to post when you’re fat.

Does it matter that I mostly eat very healthy and that I barely drink alcohol and for the past year or so, I’ve been working on my mental and physical health? IDK.

Yeah that’s the post - I am learning to love my body and mind but it’s a new process everyday. I truly feel like I’m a shadow of the person I could be, and all my life, people have put so much expectation on me - I just want to be me from now on, which, by the way, means that I’m going to unapologetically (I will still apologize because society has conditioned me to be traumatized this way - I’m working on it) be a somewhat functional chaotic mess who wakes up every single day intentionally and radically accept their reality for what it is." And then I get a message on social media from someone who doesn't really know me that well saying this:

I debated whether I should even write about this - especially on social media.

But I digress. This post is a serious one, aimed at the well-intentioned who don’t realize the harm they cause.

And… wow.

I think people should know that this is what happens when people open up like this. That this person (who has no idea about the reality that I experience) could step in and say one of the things that people stereotypically say. Like - it’s like if you know, you know… we basically always expect someone (esp a healthcare professional) to say this. It’s honestly almost laughable.

Yeah I indulge myself (LIKE A LOT, in all the ways - it’s self-preservation and it’s what I like. I don’t think it’s a problem, and I see like a fuckton of medical professionals.). I posted what I posted as a sign of rebellion because I didn’t want to feel any shame - I had a really rough morning and (what I didn’t write) my partner took me out to a place we had a really romantic date in several years ago and bought me everything that I liked. Because I was sobbing after my treatment. Because I really realized that I am probably going to have these appointments for the rest of my life because they stave off some very intense and life-altering (at least to me) symptoms for me.

But this person doesn’t know any of that or that I could not even drink any of the alcohol today. Or that I see a nutritionist on and off. Or that I’ve tried elimination diets to see which foods flare me up. Or that I’ve been having so many issues with my appetite lately overall. Or that I am trying actually very hard to eat “right” and not shame myself or whatever - and it is a work in progress. Or that I have had problems with my weight since I was in elementary school because I have PCOS and like a bunch of other things and that I’ve been skinny and fat and everything in between and the constant judging and shaming doesn’t ever stop.

Anyway, I’m posting this because I’m fine. This is what fine looks like in the face of everything: I’m allowed to be upset and frustrated about this. I (and any of us) don’t want unsolicited medical advice or assumptions about my health/body - y’all should know better and if not, then this is your opportunity to learn.

#fat #self indulgent #it's okay to eat food omfg #harm #harm reduction #things people say #unsolicited medical advice #medicine discriminates against fat people #MDs are not taught about proper nutrition anyway #healthcare is a joke sometimes #i was literally expressing myself #eating right #eating healthy #desserts #desserts aren't bad #food #food shame #mental health #i post an indulgent food pic and say that i'm scared of judgment and then someone tells me to consider binge eating disorder wtffffff

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mindthedocent · 3 years

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what do you think Ryan and Min’s morning routines are like? like how early they get up, how long it takes them to get out of bed, etc? and is it different when they’re living apart vs together?

(casually finding out i have a Lot of feelings about this one)

pre-train: i think esp in high school, they both had a lot of trouble keeping to a good schedule. getting into puberty, your circadian rhythm shifts. you stay up later, you sleep longer. so thats the first thing.

ryan probably just rolled with it. cant sleep, lay awake dreaming about the future. wake up with ten minutes to spare and throw on whatever, wipe the drool off his face, and run his fingers real quick through his hair. he's always so effortless.

min-gi stressed out every night he couldn't fall asleep fast enough, anxiously laying there as the minutes ticked away. 7 1/2 hours til i have to wake up. 6h45 til i have to wake up. i have FIVE FUCKING HOURS. basically spent his high school career sleeping in bits and starts and crashing every weekend. even on two hours of sleep he made the valiant effort of getting up and brushing his teeth, styling his hair, choosing his outfit, making himself a lunch. he was a well-hidden mess in high school. he had to be. he had to prove that he could be a successful adult.

ryan frequently slept over on weekends and they'd stay up all night and wake up in time for dinner, and then min would freak out sunday night about not getting any work done, and they'd spend that night on homework (min more than ryan), and inexplicably ryan would be in the backseat monday morning while min's mom drove them both to school.

post-train: The Trauma

ryan's sleep schedule changes drastically. what with the being on the road on tour, not knowing where/when his next show is, where he's going to sleep, he got used to sleeping rough. and light. he's had multiple instances of a cop knocking on the van window in the wee AM hours. and it was the same on the train. he never knew what would interrupt his sleep next. it made him restless and flighty.

he goes to sleep late. he wakes up early. he tosses and turns and startles awake multiple times a night.

min-gi relieves himself of expectations. after being on the train, never really getting a good night's sleep, and spending all of high school sleep-deprived, his body says FORGET IT! he gets off the train and sleeps a full 22 hours. ryan counted. he thought his best friend was dying.

and min lets it be. he decides to listen to his body and give it the rest it needs. he has a whole care routine that he goes through when he starts feeling tired, and he wakes up when his body says to. he lays in bed for a good half hour before starting his day. he's the most well-rested he's ever been in his life.

when they live together, ryan always falls asleep last and wakes up first. he gets better rest when he's with min, but i don't think he ever gets back to a truly "healthy" amount of sleep. when he wakes up he sits up in bed and writes down everything he can remember of his dreams, any lyric ideas, probably doodles, and then just lets himself drift in and out of sleep until he decides he cant stand it anymore and gets up for real.

when he can, he spends the day in pajamas, and sometimes convinces min to as well.

min is still pretty much the same in terms of waking-up routine as he was in high school, but without the stress of I'M NOT SLEEPING ENOUGH AND I'M RUSHING TO GET READY!!! his mornings are relaxed and easy, and he still does the whole thing, with the addition of laying in bed for half an hour just to enjoy it and wake up slowly. then he gets up, brushes his teeth, styles his hair, gets dressed, and then cooks breakfast (if ryan hasnt already). or ryan convinces him into going out for breakfast/brunch (since sometimes min wakes up late enough that breakfast is dumb).

#i had so many feelings about this?????#peach-p0t #infinity train #rymin #asks

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inkykeiji · 3 years

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hii!! im the anon who asked for tips on writing!! i wanted to ask about how dabi and touya were 2 different people... and its like a love triangle with reader. how would that play out? who would be more toxic? and would they get along?? also can i claim 🧚🏻‍♀️ emoji? haha i have ur notifs on and read every one of ur posts 😭 IDK IF U CAN TELL BUT I LOVE UR BLOG HEHE

(hi sweetpea!! <33 i hope the tips helped u out a lil! yes the 🧚🏻‍♀️ emoji is officially yours!! welcome to the emoji club ehehe okay onto ur fantastic question)

l-like twins??????? are we about to go full harry and edward styles circa 2013????

(i’m rolling w the twins idea i hope u don’t mind!!! i just love the concept so much!!! AAAAAHH let’s get into it!!)

how would it play out?

okay so i see dabi as being a lot more rough + borderline sociopathic whereas touya’s still pretty messed up but definitely more ‘normal’ by societal standards.

while they’re both extremely emotional, dabi is more prone to emotional outbursts than touya is; he bottles up his feelings and refuses to discuss anything until it all boils over and explodes. i’d even go as far to say that this arrangement affects dabi more than it affects touya in terms of emotions!! deep deep deeeeeeep down late at night he’d question everything: do you really love him? what if you like touya better? is touya better? does he hurt you too much? is he too damaged for you, too broken?

they’re jealous, but rarely of each other because in all honesty, they trust each other (and obv they don’t trust easily nor do they trust many people). they’re like your own personal guard dogs tho ahahah if someone even looks at you funny it’ll set both of them off immediately. they bond most when they’re fighting for you instead of over you.

it’d probably take the three of you a bit of time to really settle into everything and establish a steady, stable routine (things would definitely be extremely rocky at first esp since they’re both so similar) but after everything finally calms and the three of you are able to figure out boundaries etc (that dabi ignores often but i digress) things are surprisingly smooth. i think they’d be so possessive and protective over you that, in their minds, they don’t mind sharing, because they know they’re the best out there for you, trust each other to keep you safe, and two is always better than one, right?

who would be more toxic?

oh dabi hands down lmao. touya would be more upfront about how much of a scumbag he is; what you see is what you get, and he’s brutally honest. dabi, on the other hand, really enjoys playing with people and manipulating them, and he’s fucking good at it, too. it’s a hobby for him at this point, and don’t think that just because he ‘loves’ you that you’re excused from this treatment (much to touya’s dismay).

would they get along?

heavily depends on the day. since they’re so similar, they both understand each other very well. they know what makes the other tick and get why they do the things they do. HOWEVER, being too similar can also be a bad thing and has definitely caused rifts between them! you better be prepared to break up some fist fights!! and then i think the other thing that would most frequently cause fights between them would be after dabi has hurt you (physically or emotionally, or both) and you ofc go cry to touya, who is always seeing red the moment he hears that you’ve been hurt, especially by his twin.

#LET'S FUCKING DO IT #TODOROKI TWINS DABI AND TOUYA #COME ON #also omfg you have my notifs on!?!?!?!?!? 🥺🥺🥺 pls i’m gonna cry!!!#i hope you’re doing well!! n that ur writing journey is going well!! <33 #🧚🏻‍♀️.anon #clari gets mail #there’s no incest in this but i’m gonna tw it anyway #tw incest

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slippinmickeys · 3 years

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Five Seconds (5/8)

If you’d like to read on AO3, you may do so here.

October 15, 2018

The leaves were beginning to change outside the window; the maples turning russet, the birch yellow. Scully felt pendulous and gravid, the child in her belly more active than her previous two combined. Sleep was becoming difficult, but by day they’d fallen into a comfortable routine, safe and unmolested from the dangers that were beginning to feel as though they had never existed at all.

She stretched and left Mulder, half his face obscured by his pillow, his lips soft and pliant in sleep. A fresh pot of decaf awaited her in the kitchen, its automatic timer set by Mulder late last night.

The kids were still asleep, as far as she could tell -- she'd heard Lily come home well after midnight. She'd been up reading anyway when her daughter had popped her head into their bedroom door and whispered "I'm home." The girl had been wearing a small smile and Scully recognized the look. Lily was falling in love.

Will shuffled into the kitchen sleepily, a palm rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He approached Scully where she stood at the counter and put an arm around her shoulder, leaning on her. He still smelled like the sleepy little boy who liked to cuddle into her side to watch nature shows when he was six.

"Morning Mom," he said, taking a snuffly breath. He leaned down and rested his cheek against her head (he was almost as tall as Mulder, though still as skinny as a maypole). Scully wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him in closer. Affection from her kids was getting fewer and farther between now that they were active teenagers. She was determined to enjoy whatever she got.

"Morning," she said, giving his back a little rub, "you're up early."

"Yeah," he said on a yawn. "There's an open rink this morning and a couple of buddies are going. Is it okay if I join them?"

Scully nodded. "Just make sure you tell your dad, too. Know the exits before you go and keep an eye on the crowd."

Will squeezed her once and then let go, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and holding up like James Bond. "Call me Double O Billy," he said and sidled back to his room off of Scully's bemused chuckle.

She spent an hour catching up on email that had been routed through the Gunmen and Darlene -- coded messages that they interpreted and sent to her mother, sister and brothers. Melissa was giving her a hard time about not letting her fly to Europe (where she thought they were) to be her doula when the time came to give birth. She was tempted to send Byers to her sister's house to explain exactly what was happening, but rejected the impulse. Their mother -- the only person other than the Gunmen and the X-Files triumvirate at the FBI who knew their situation (though not their location for her own protection) -- would talk her down eventually.

Mulder came padding up behind her as she closed the laptop and she felt a soft, drawn-out kiss on the side of her neck.

"Morning," he mumbled into her skin.

She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair, then turned to receive his kiss.

"Morning," she said.

"I’ll be back shortly. I'm going to drop Billy off at the ice complex and then take Lil to campus -- she suddenly started liking football."

"I think it's the company rather than the sport," Scully said, turning in her chair to face him.

"...I'm going to choose to believe my version," he said.

Scully reached out and linked their fingers briefly. "Tell her to be careful," she said, "she's spending a lot of time out of the house."

Mulder nodded and squeezed her fingers. "I will," he said, "and when I get back, I have a few ideas for how we can spend our child-free afternoon." He waggled his eyebrows at her and let go, backing out of the room like the charmer he was.

XxXxXxXxXxX

“So why UVA?” Travis asked her. He had his head propped up on an elbow and his other hand was wrapped loosely around her foot, his thumb rubbing circles into her arch. She was on the couch in his dorm room and he was on the floor -- she’d been helping him study for mid-terms. They had been officially dating for five weeks and had seen each other at least every other day in that time. He’d introduced her to a couple of friends as his girlfriend.

“What?” she asked. It was hard enough to concentrate while getting a foot massage, and she’d been staring at the index cards in front of her, trying to find a question that would stump him.

“Why are you going to UVA? Brain like yours, you could have gone anywhere. I don’t think I’ve ever asked you why there.”

“Other than the in-state tuition?” She had told him that they’d moved from Virginia, but hadn’t elaborated.

“Other than that,” he smiled.

“I’ve always wanted to. When I was a kid, my dad would occasionally get called in to consult there and he would take me with him. I kinda fell in love with it.”

“What did your dad consult on?” he asked, “You don’t talk about your parents much.”

Travis tapped her other leg, and she switched feet, silencing a groan when his knuckle hit a particularly sensitive spot.

She had purposely avoided mentioning her family much and debated how much was safe to share.

“UVA has a Department of Perceptual Studies,” she said, and she saw him tilt his head in question.

“A department of what?”

“Perceptual studies,” she said, smiling, “it’s a research group devoted to the investigation of phenomena that challenge mainstream scientific paradigms regarding the nature of the mind/brain relationship.” Travis stopped rubbing her foot and looked at her. She went on, further quoting her dad’s friend Dr. Stevenson: “Their mission is the scientific empirical investigation of phenomena that suggest that currently accepted scientific assumptions and theories about the nature of mind or consciousness, and its relation to matter, may be incomplete.”

“You’re shitting me,” he said.

“I shit you not.”

“What kind of phenomena?” He narrowed his eyes at her.

She tried not to smile, “ESP, poltergeists, near-death experiences, out-of-body experiences, claimed memories of past lives.”

“And what did they want with your father?” he asked, sitting up.

She shrugged. “He’s a shrink,” she said, being deliberately vague.

“This is an accredited university?” He teased her. She kicked at him, and he ducked out of the way and laughed, then looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, I myself had an out-of-body experience with Trudy Carmichael under the bleachers when I was sixteen. Pretty sure I saw through time.”

Lily chuckled, then playfully challenged: “Do I need to worry about this Trudy Carmichael?”

“I doubt it,” he said, hanging his head, “I lost my virginity, and she lost my number. Not my finest hour.”

“A whole hour?,” Lily said wryly.

“One way to find out.”

He looked at her then and she looked back. The moment was charged and sat in between them. The truth was, Lily was still a virgin. She and Travis had messed around, but fairly innocently, and she’d demurred on action below the waist/under the clothes. “I’m not waiting for marriage,” she’d told him a few weeks back, but she did want to wait for love. If only she knew what that felt like.

“Hey, Frisbee,” Travis said when she didn’t say anything, “please don’t take this as a negotiation tactic -- you’ve been clear on your limits and I totally respect that -- and with the full understanding that you don’t need a reason, and you do you and all that -- but… do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what exactly?” she asked, clarifying.

“When I say ‘no pressure,’ I mean it,” he said, reaching out to squeeze her foot.

Lily looked around his sloppy dorm room. There were clothes strewn about, though mostly out of the way— socks balled up near the laundry hamper, a sweatshirt hanging on the back of a chair. The wooden loft that held his bed was posted around the couch, made of flimsy-looking two-by-fours, and did not look like it could hold his weight, much less hers in addition, and remained untried (though Travis swore it had passed inspection). His desk was more fastidiously kept, a reflection of his mind, a structured order in the midst of chaos. He was kind and smart. His smile could make her insides go liquid.

“Honestly?” she finally said, “it’s my parents.”

“Super religious?” he asked.

She had to stop herself from laughing. “No, it’s… My parents love each other. More than anyone I’ve ever known. Their love is like… romance film love. It’s practically written in the stars.”

He looked at her contemplatively. “That’s a lot to live up to,” he said. “Is that what it is?”

“Yes,” she said, then, “no.” It was and it wasn’t. She didn’t know if there was a love out there that could compare, she suspected there wasn’t. Her real hang-up, and she hadn’t been able to get it out of her head since she found her father’s first wedding picture in their attic -- was that her father had obviously made a mistake. What if she did too?

She laughed, annoyed at herself. This wasn’t Regency England. Sex didn’t mean marriage. It didn’t even necessarily mean love. Still...

“Come on,” she said, sitting up and grabbing for his class notes, “this bio exam isn’t going to take itself.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

A sound woke her. Her hips were in agony and sleeping was difficult, so initially she was more annoyed than anything; she could rarely line up more than 90 minutes straight of deep slumber. And then she heard it again.

She reached over, squeezed Mulder's bicep until she heard him sniff sharply awake and silently, pulled out the sidearm she kept inside her bedside table. Mulder, slipping out of bed without a word, pulled out his own gun and went to the door. He held up a hand, trying to tell Scully to stay back, but she shook her head angrily -- she would have his back whether he liked it or not.

When he moved into the hallway, she stepped on the back of his heel and he ended up ramming his shoulder into the doorframe. He swore low under his breath. They were out of sync.

She watched as he put his head into the kids rooms as he made his way down the hallway, nodding at her that they were both accounted for. One more thunk from the living room.

He sidled up to the wall that led to the room and backed up against it. He mouthed one-two-three and they went in, but where she usually went low and he went high, this time they rammed shoulders and stumbled into the room. Mulder flicked on the light when she finally had her weapon aimed true.

There, sitting on a high bookshelf sat Apgar, her black tail swishing merrily. Maintaining eye contact, she swiped one more of the professor's knick-knacks off the shelf and onto the floor.

Mulder dropped his weapon and heaved a sigh, tipping his head back in frustration. "Fucking cat," he hissed.

Mission completed, Apgar jumped down with a thump and weaved a figure eight between Mulder's legs.

"She must be hungry," Scully said.

"Hangry was invented by cats," Mulder mumbled, reaching down to pet the cat with his free hand.

"Our tactical coordination was atrocious," Scully said, flicking the light back off and holding her gun at her hip.

"Yes," Mulder agreed.

"When was the last time you went to the range?" she asked.

"It's been months," he said tiredly.

"We're going tomorrow," Scully said. Mulder knew better than to argue.

XxX

There were more than a few Molon Labe bumper stickers in the parking lot. Scully had to remind herself that they were in Michigan Militia territory. "Michitucky," she'd heard it called by a few guys at the Bureau. Nevertheless, she pulled up to the firing range with fire in her blood. She might not share their politics, but she would share their space, and show most of them up to boot.

They signed in and bought ammunition. She got a few extra looks for being a visibly pregnant woman, but most of the men (and they were all men) who were at the range gave her begrudging looks of approval. Mulder stood, standing straighter and closer than normal, practically growling at anyone who got too close. She had to admit that his fierce protective nature was more than a turn-on.

The range was outdoors -- different than what they were used to at Quantico. And where there were metal tables and dividers and state of the art equipment at the government facility, here it was all beat-to-shit plywood tables and sunburnt grass littered with shell casings and old ear plugs. They took the lane at the end.

They both loaded and checked their weapons, snugged earmuffs over their heads.

"You want to go first?" Mulder asked, double checking the safety on his pistol and setting it on the table behind their station.

"I can do that," Scully said, looking down at her Sig.

"Care for a little wager?" her husband asked.

"You can't afford me, Dr. Mulder," she said, admiring the still-lanky line of his physique.

He raised his eyebrows, and leaned back against the tall wobbly table. "Oh-ho," he said, "I suppose that depends on the currency." He had a smug look about him that she wanted to wipe off his face. She was a better marksman and more competitive than anyone gave her credit for.

"What are you offering?" she asked.

"Dishes?" he offered, "Laundry?"

"We had children for the menial labor," she challenged, "I can win this with one hand tied behind my back. Make it interesting for me."

He licked his lips. She had him.

"I liked the part about 'hands behind the back,'" he said, "Winner decides who wears the handcuffs."

"You're not exactly incentivizing this, Mulder."

He had a flushed look about him; his nostrils flared.

"Prove it," he said, and she felt a flush. Second trimester hormones could be a beautiful thing, she mused.

It took her several rounds before she got back into the groove. It actually had been too long since she'd practiced and she was rusty. Considering their current situation, she ought not to let it happen again. Her last few rounds were dead center. Once her clip was empty, she cleared her weapon and stepped back.

Mulder's turn.

He wasn't quite as out of practice as she was initially, which irritated her to no end. However, his fourth and fifth shots were a bit wide, and he ended around the edges.

When he was clear, she stepped back up and took a bracing breath. She raised her weapon and fired rapidly; all her shots were center mass except the last two, which she swung up and finished with perfect shots to the head of the paper dummy.

When Mulder stepped forward for his turn, she nudged him.

"How big would you say the back of the Yukon is?'" she asked casually.

His first three shots went wide.

XxXxXxXxXxX

October 17, 2018

“Mom?” Lily asked. There was a hesitancy in her voice that made Scully look up from where she was chopping vegetables for dinner. “How did you know you loved Dad?”

Scully set the knife down and turned toward her daughter. “That’s a big question, Lil.”

“What’s a big question?” Mulder came breezing into the kitchen, shooting Scully an intrigued look.

Scully suspected something was up, but didn’t want to embarrass their daughter. Lily had always had an inquisitive streak and would occasionally come to Scully with problems or questions, but she was apt to clam up when pressed.

“Lily was asking me about how I fell in love with you,” Scully said, trying to catch Mulder’s eye.

“It was the day she met me, no doubt,” Mulder said. He grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the counter and shined it on his sleeve before taking a snappy bite. “I’m catnip to the ladies,” he said around the mouthful. Lily smiled. Scully rolled her eyes.

“Suddenly, I’m struggling to remember,” Scully said with mock derision. Mulder gave her a cheeky grin.

“Did you know right away?” Lily asked.

Scully paused. “Not… Not right away,” she said thoughtfully.

Lily looked back and forth between her parents. “I guess it was a long time ago, huh.”

“Love in a time of sarsaparilla,” Mulder said dreamily. Scully shook her head and he caught her eye. “It wasn’t that long ago, Lil,“ he went on, and Scully felt the low bloom of feeling that always accompanied a look from her husband. For as long as she lived, she would always remember the first time she felt it; on the Tooms case, when he’d hooked his finger in her necklace and pulled.

“No, what I mean is… it was complicated,” Scully clarified.

Lily nodded and turned to her father. “You were married. Before Mom.”

“Yes,” Mulder said.

“Did you love her? Your ex wife?”

“I thought I did.”

“When did you figure out that you didn’t?” Lily asked.

“When I met your Mom,” Mulder said.

“So what you felt with Mom…”

“... was so much bigger than I was, that I couldn’t contain it.”

Scully felt her eyes well up. Mulder still sometimes had the ability to make her feel things all the way down to her toes.

Lily smiled, but looked pensive.

"But you thought you loved this other woman? I mean, enough to marry her?" she asked.

Mulder narrowed his eyes at his daughter. "What are you asking, Lil?"

Lily shook her head, her cheeks pink. She grabbed a soda from the fridge and walked out of the room.

“Oh boy,” said Scully.

“What?” Mulder asked.

“Travis,” said Scully. “She’s trying to figure it all out.”

“Jesus, he didn’t propose, did he?” Mulder asked. The look on his face was enough to make her laugh, but she held it in.

Scully turned fully to Mulder and leaned back against the countertop, crossing her arms in front of her.

“You want to know what I think?” she asked. Mulder nodded. “She’s trying to decide whether or when to...” She made a vague gesture with her hands.

Mulder looked at her, still not understanding. Scully gave him the stare of the dotard husband.

“Mulder…” she said, glaring hard.

Realization dawned and Mulder swallowed. “I should have had that boy killed,” he said.

Scully turned back to the vegetables she’d been chopping. “Let’s refrain from wetwork while we’re on the lam.”

“I make no promises,” he said, and slid up behind her, stepping in close and putting his hands on her waist.

“I had the guys check him out by way of Darlene,” Scully said. “He is who he says he is. And he seems like a decent kid. Let’s let her navigate this on her own, huh?” She felt his fingers squeeze and then they drifted down to rest on her hips.

“I don’t like it,” he mumbled, and leaned down to rest his chin on her shoulder.

“You’re not supposed to,” she said. “But you do have to accept it, and trust that we raised her to make these decisions for herself.” She remembered being nineteen and in college and in love for the first time. “You want to hear about Kevin McAvoy, my freshman year boyfriend?”

Mulder squeezed his fingers again and then started to turn her slowly toward him. She set down the knife on the counter and let him. His head was bent toward her and she felt his breath fan her face.

“No,” he said, leaning even more into her personal space.

“I was his Little Red Corvette,” she said playfully, tipping her head back in challenge. He smiled, but she saw something rough pass through his eyes. “He’d put on Prince and --”

Mulder leaned down and silenced her with a kiss.

XxXxXxXxXxX

In her room, Lily sat on the bed, the can of soda from the fridge sitting unopened on her bedside table. Condensation beaded on the side of it, sliding down silently to pool at the base, unnoticed.

Crusher liked to sleep on her pillow, and had left a black felted indent in the feathers, which Lily brushed away and fluffed. She looked about the room. Not much about it spoke of the young woman who slept there and had for months; no posters on the walls, no pennants hanging or pictures of friends. It was a sterile guest room decorated with the mute tones of an unmarried 60-something and lately it had been making her feel like she wasn't even herself.

She stood and walked to the desk, the one place she deposited her things. Her wallet, the phone Darlene had given her that she rarely used and usually kept switched off. Her purse was half hanging off -- likely knocked into such a position by a passing cat -- and when she righted it, she noticed the picture that sat under it. The photo of her father and an unfamiliar brunette, who's face conveyed confidence -- almost a smugness -- and a certain charm.

She stared at the picture. And she wondered.

XxX

October 20, 2018

Lily glanced over her shoulder when she sat, feeling as though she were doing something illegal, something fraught.

No one really used the computer labs anymore -- if you needed to, you could write an entire paper on your phone, though Lily found the practice ridiculous and immature. Nevertheless, there were one or two students sitting at the various desktops around the small library lab, and she checked to make sure no one was paying attention to what she was doing.

She tried to be careful. She had told Travis that she was hoping to log into the university's network to prep for some of the classes she’d be taking at UVA next semester and so she was using his password and login information. She'd checked to make sure there were no cameras on the area where she sat, and that her back was to the one aimed at the larger area.

With a bracing breath, she logged on.

It was surprising what you could find with a simple Google search, and the commonwealth of Virginia's vital records office would send you a copy of any marriage certificate for a fee of $45. Knowing better than to use a credit card, she'd opted for a more in depth search, and found what she was looking for in the Daily Press -- the local newspaper of record in Newport News, Virginia.

It was a wedding announcement, complete with two pictures -- one, the same picture she'd found in her parent's attic and the other of a similar style -- of Fox William Mulder and Lauren Edith Williams, married on August 17th, 1988. According to the article, Lauren had been a recent graduate of Georgetown University and had been employed at Schuster and McClure, a PR firm in the District of Columbia.

Lily looked at the new photograph on the screen before her. Her father looked so young. Only a few years older than herself. Lauren was pretty, had perfect posture, and was staring into the camera like a dare; her dress was all frills and white froth, the material of the dress ruched in large poofs at the shoulders, a crown of satin flowers around the lush brunette curls on her head. She looked like someone Lily wouldn't have dared talk to back in high school. She looked nothing like Lily's mother.

Lauren Edith Williams, she wrote down, and stared at the paper in front of her.

XxXxXxXxXxX

October 21, 2018

Lily was on the bus when she noticed him. It was his age that first drew her attention. Most everyone that rode this route (it went right into campus) was either a student or a professor, and something about him seemed the antithesis of scholarly. He had a sharp face, was dressed in loose clothing, a plain, black ball cap pulled low over his head. His knee bounced where he sat. She thought she could make out a tattoo curling onto the skin under the sleeve of his jacket. He could have been custodial staff for all she knew, but her parents had raised her to trust her instincts, and something inside of her pinged.

He hadn’t so much as looked in her direction, but she reached up and pulled the cord that requested a stop anyway, keeping him in her periphery when the bus rolled to the next stop. She was five blocks further away than she would have liked -- she was supposed to meet Travis just off campus for lunch. The man didn't move or rise from his seat. Nevertheless, she ducked out of the back door and onto the sidewalk, shouldering her purse and pretending to look at her phone. Only when the bus left with the man still on it would she exhale. The bus had just started to roll forward when it chirped to a stop and the front doors opened. The man in the cap trotted down the steps and onto the sidewalk, glancing briefly at her before turning and walking slowly west. Adrenaline awash in her bloodstream, she turned east.

The man had had a nondescript face. He was of average height and build, not someone you'd notice. She wracked her brain trying to remember when or if she'd seen him before, and had a hazy recollection of someone who might have been him: waiting outside of Travis's dorm when she'd come to visit him a couple days prior, or maybe even standing behind her in line at a coffee shop the day before. She should have been paying closer attention. Her parents had taught her to pay closer attention. Up until she'd done a search on her father and his ex-wife, she had. Lily silently cursed at herself.

She looked at her reflection in the shop windows along Grand River Avenue, trying to catch a glimpse behind her. She caught movement, but there were plenty of other people walking up and down the sidewalk. She needed a better look.

She swung up the stairs of the Student Union when she came to it a moment later, remembering walking in with her brother and dad only the month before, and felt the sharp pang of guilt.

When she reached the top of the staircase, she stopped to retie her shoe, glancing back behind her as she did so. The man in the cap was there, and had paused a ways away, looking down at his phone. Lily finished fiddling with her shoe and casually walked to the door, holding it open for a girl who was coming out, her heart hammering in her chest as she did so. Through the large doorway was a wide set of stairs going both up and down. When the door closed behind her, she bolted down the stairs to her right. There were a number of study spaces and she could pass through each one fairly quickly -- the day was busy and there were students everywhere; if she was lucky she could get lost in the crowd.

She ducked through the main lounge and past the small coffee shop on the lower level, looking behind her. She saw nothing, but that didn't mean he still wasn't coming. Seeing the full racks of clothing in the Spirit Shop across the hallway, she went inside, bending down to pretend to look at a few items on the bottom shelf.

Peering through underneath the hanging shirts, she watched as the man in the black cap came down the hallway outside of the shop and paused, turning toward it. Her heart leapt to her throat. He did a slow turn and then turned to keep walking. She kept her head down.

From the corner of her eye she caught her own reflection in the mirror outside the tiny dressing room -- she was wearing a bright blue shirt and her hair -- as bright and reflective as a stop sign, and always a part of herself she was fond of -- would give her away.

She stood, scanning the hallway outside the shop, and then she hastily pulled a green knit cap off a nearby shelf and pulled the tag off, shoving it over her head and tucking her hair up under it as quickly as she could. She grabbed a large tee shirt off the rack nearest her and took it plus the hat's tag to the counter, pulling some cash that her parents always had her carry out and plunking it on the counter.

"I don't need a receipt, thanks," she told the young woman helping her, and turned away.

"But what about your change?" the girl called after her.

"Tip jar," she said, turning back and keeping her voice low.

Once outside the store, she pulled the tee shirt over her head and made her way for the lower level exit that emptied onto campus. Seeing no one behind her, she took the steps out as fast as they would carry her and ran.

XxX

Darlene narrowed her eyes at Lily, and opened the door. “Quickly,” she said.

“Thanks,” Lily said, as Darlene let her into the house, peering around the block. “I didn’t want to use the phone.”

“I get it,” Darlene replied as she ushered Lily into her kitchen, where Lily sank onto one of the stools that sat before the peninsula of the counter.

"You want a lemonade or something, kiddo?" Darlene asked, leaning forward against the counter herself and giving Lily an expectant look -- there was more to it than just polite hospitality.

"No, thanks," Lily said, feeling the weight of Darlene's gaze and her own guilt in equal measure.

"Did you do something stupid?" Darlene asked outright and Lily, taken aback, sat up straighter, but didn't answer, thus confirming Darlene's clear suspicion. "How bad?"

"I think they found us."

Darlene huffed a breath. "Elaborate," she said.

"I... I ran a search. A couple days ago, in the university library. I was careful, but maybe not careful enough."

"What did you search?"

"My dad's ex-wife."

Darlene gave a low whistle. "Kiddo," she said, a statement.

"I know."

"Have you considered just asking him about her?"

Lily hugged herself.

"I have. I did. But… I wanted to know. For me. I don't want his version of this woman. I wanted to see for myself who she was. Is."

Darlene moved to the window and peered out, lowering the blinds as she did so. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Lily once again felt a pang of guilt. She looked down. "Not really."

Darlene moved around the counter to a sideboard table on the dining room side of the counter and began shuffling through a drawer.

"What makes you think they found you?" she asked.

"I think there's someone following me," Lily said, "I think maybe I’ve seen him a couple of times on campus, but I don’t know. I lost him and came here."

"Just one someone?"

Lily began to second guess herself.

"I think so?"

When Darlene straightened from the sideboard she was holding a pistol.

"Call your father right now, and tell him to get over here. Armed." Darlene's words were cold and calm. Lily's stomach dropped in her gut.

She reached for Darlene's phone, a relic from another time which hung on the wall, its cord coiled like a snake.

Darlene walked to the sliding glass door as she dialed the numbers, each tone sounding long and drawn out, Darlene pulled the long curtains closed with a snap.

"Dad?" Lily said, when Mulder answered.

"Hey Lil!" he sounded so relaxed, excited just to talk to her though he'd seen her that morning.

"Dad, I'm at Darlene's. She says to get over here. She said to bring your gun."

She heard his sharp inhale. “I’m coming,” he said, and then she heard a dial tone.

"Lily," said Darlene, walking over to her computer, which was booted up and sitting on her dining room table, cords snaking out of it and across the floor. She quickly typed hunt-and-peck with her right hand, the gun still clutched in her left. "I want you to go into the top right drawer in my dresser. In a small lockbox, code 9-10-9-3, you'll find an old Nokia phone. It should be fully charged. It’s untraceable. Do not turn it on. Take it. Put it somewhere safe -- your bra or your sock or underwear. Then get under my bed."

Lily walked to the hallway, her body on autopilot, her heart hammering and her blood roaring in her veins.

Darlene finished typing, clicked a few things with her mouse and then peeked an eye out the closed curtain toward the backyard, tapping the gun against the side of her thigh.

Pausing in the hallway, Lily turned back to Darlene.

"Is someone coming?" Lily asked.

"Kid," Darlene said, shooting her a look, "they're already here."

#MSR #AU #Sequel #Of the Eight Winds #shits getting real for the mulder family #fanfic #XF #my fic

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no-gorms · 4 years

Text

I guess this is a timestamp for Stuck in a...? Last week an anon asked what happens next in that ‘verse and a couple of days later my brain decided to come up with this short thing.

Steve/Tony, established relationship, a/b/o, fade to black (also on ao3)

Left to his own devices, there are few things that can throw Tony out of a workshop groove. Typical hard limits are hunger and exhaustion; softer limits are the occasional frustration at being unable to solve a problem and its opposite, the thrill of finding a solution that he then needs to show off or celebrate.

Then there is the other kind of distraction.

Today, Tony’s working on a pair of experimental rocket boots, which are balanced on a test gantry and awaiting power-up. It’s a straightforward test – a culmination of the morning’s work and is perfectly pedestrian right down to DUM-E’s concerned chirps from nearby with the fire extinguisher. Yet what seemed crystal clear a moment ago seems suddenly hard to pin down, the numbers slipping away from sense every time he looks at them, and forcing Tony to futz with the test parameters on his control screen.

It doesn’t help that his lower back aches. He’s been rubbing his knuckles against it absent-mindedly throughout the morning, though he’d mostly relegated it to a distant ignorable distraction until it travelled upward along his spine and is adding on to the pile of things that are not doing his concentration any favors.

Wait.

“Oh,” Tony says in surprise. “Huh.”

A heat, then. Maybe. He thinks it might be early, not that he’s ever been that good at cycle tracking. That said, Steve is good at cycle tracking and has called his past heats that they’ve shared together right down to a 36-hour margin of error, so the fact that Steve hadn’t blocked Tony’s whole schedule today means that it must be either early or a false alarm.

Tony tips his head back, sets his feet apart and closes his eyes. Rolling warmth immediately blooms out of lower stomach, sending him doubling over.

All right, it’s definitely a heat.

Which means that Tony can surprise Steve for once.

Tony grins. “JARVIS, where’s the good ‘ol Captain?”

“In the conference room, sir.”

“Great. Put a bookmark on everything, would you? Thanks.”

Tony liberally sprays himself with Axe (so his scent won’t give the game away) and leaves the workshop with a spring in his step.

It’s not that he minds having to handle a heat on his own – he’s done that often enough, and gotten suppressants for whenever it’s too inconvenient to bother – but having Steve on his team, as it were, makes the whole thing far more enjoyable. It’s an excuse to drop everything (workshop binge included) and spend time with his favorite person; who, coincidentally, thinks of Tony as his favorite person, and isn’t that just something?

Though Steve would likely protest with something like: do they need an excuse? They can just be together whenever they want to?

To which Tony would respond, but this is the universe purposefully reminding them to take a break from whatever else is going on and just be. Also, the accompanying heat-heightened orgasms are fun.

Tony has more of that make-believe argument with Steve all the way down from the workshop to the conference room floor. It does occur to him that he could go to their room first and set it up – snacks, liquids, change of sheets etc. – but surprising Steve feels far more urgent. Besides, they’ve gotten a pretty good heat/rut routine down by now, which only needs their cycles to settle in sync to be perfect.

But that’s a goal for another time.

Today’s goal has Tony sneaking up to the entrance of the conference room, from which he can hear Steve and other voices in discussion. Tony’s step falters a little as he parses the tones of their voices. Business-like and serious, though it can’t be that serious since they left the door open.

Tony considers his options. He backtracks the way he came and detours to the pantry that’s two rooms over. There’s coffee brewing there already, so he helps himself to a cup and is halfway through it before remembering that caffeine’s not a good idea before a heat. He’d never bothered with such things before Steve, and the fact that that thought has Tony feeling fond instead of annoyed says a lot.

“Fine.” Tony dumps the remainder of the cup, has some water instead, and trudges back towards the conference room.

“—it’s not enough,” Steve’s saying. “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable with this.”

“I don’t blame you,” Maria replies. “But we can’t keep the task force there. It’s recall or finish it.”

Tony’s a handful of feet from the doorway. He pauses there, hands on hips, and tries to will the meeting to die by ESP alone.

“I know a guy,” Clint says.

“You know a guy that I don’t?” Natasha says.

“All right,” Steve says. “How do you want to play it?”

Tony rolls his eyes at the ceiling and retreats to the wall just next to the doorway. He leans against it, arms crossed and the ache of earlier starting to creep down his thighs. Excitement of getting to see Steve apparently distracted him enough that he didn’t notice the slow, coiling warmth gathering down below.

Tony takes a deep, chest-rattling breath. His nose always gets more sensitive leading into a heat, and sure enough, he can make out the teasing curl of Steve’s scent in the air – familiar and calm and not close enough. When Tony shuts his eyes he can picture Steve’s form in crystal-clear mental definition: his brow furrowed and his arms crossed, a Captain America in full business mode and not expecting a diversion-in-wait a mere couple of yards away.

“—two-person show,” Clint says. “Any more and we spook them.”

Tony realizes that he’s rubbing his elbows against the wall behind him. He’s marking said wall, but he’s also working off the creeping itch under his skin. At this rate he’s going to start rubbing his face and other sundry body parts against the wallpaper soon. It’s nice wallpaper, and the Tower is technically his so he can mark everything as much as he wants, but the itch won’t be satisfied by that. It’s more likely that the itch will simply grow, and become intolerable, and there’ll be a Tony-shaped scent mark in the wall that’ll take forever to clean.

It occurs to Tony that he’d sped up his heat by coming out here to find Steve, who is right there. In the next room. When he could be in the same room as Tony, and preferably in Tony to boot.

Now that’s a nice thought.

It’s a very nice thought, in fact, and is further buoyed by some very nice memories that he and Steve have made together lately.

Tony realizes he’s panting. His gulps of air dry out his lips, and make him dizzy. He feels compelled, pulled, drawn.

He only realizes he’s started walking when he’s already taken a couple of steps away from the wall, his head tipped up slightly as though tugged through the open space by the invisible lure that is Steve’s presence.

Tony enters the conference room and, finally seeing Steve, makes a bee-line towards him. He also vaguely registers other people in the room but they’re mere shadows, distant and vague, and very unlike the solid, glowing figure of one Steve Rogers.

“Hey Tony,” Steve says. “I thought we were—”

He’s cut off when Tony reaches his target, flinging his arms around Steve’s torso and pressing his face against Steve’s neck. Steve is solid and warm, a wall of muscle that speaks to safety more than strength, and Tony breathes him in deep. There are a few inches of bare skin just above Steve’s collar, and though the skin has Tony’s scent on it, it is muted, which will not do at all. Tony rubs his cheek against Steve’s skin, in firm but small motions back and forth, while Tony’s chest does the same work marking up Steve’s torso.

“Oh, uh.” Steve takes a questioning sniff. “Ah.”

“Well, that’s your day gone,” Maria says. “Just let Barton take an away team—”

“No,” Steve says firmly, “this isn’t an excuse—”

“It is time-sensitive,” Natasha says. “Just saying.”

“I know, but—” Steve makes a surprised sound when Tony moves, sending his arms upward over Steve’s shoulders and wrapping them behind his neck. “Tony—”

Tony pulls. Not very hard, but just enough that Steve hunches over a little, giving Tony the boost he needs to bounce up and wrap both legs around Steve’s waist. Steve is, of course, a very smart man, and immediately has both hands under Tony’s thighs to hold him steady. Tony’s rumbling purr of approval lands at the soft skin of Steve’s neck, just under his ear.

“Yeah, you’re done,” Clint says. “Got a bad case of a limpet.”

“No, I want you to get in touch with your guy, find out what he can put together in 24 hours,” Steve says. Tony really likes the way Steve’s chest vibrates when he talks. He shows his contentment by tightening his grip around Steve, who pats his thigh twice in subtle acknowledgement. “The task force stays. You two put your pull-out plan to paper and send it to my email in an hour, before we even think of engaging.”

“An hour,” Natasha echoes.

“You’ll probably need longer than that to call it in,” Steve says, which has Natasha huffing in amusement. “Task force stays. Got it?”

“Got it,” Maria says. “I’ll pull the latest sat images. An hour, you said?”

“Yeah. Well.” Steve adjusts his grip on Tony and starts walking, presumably to a more private and agreeable destination. “Thereabouts.”

“Bye!” Clint calls out as they leave the room. Tony lifts one hand from Steve’s shoulder just long enough to wave.

When Steve next speaks, his voice is different. Softer, like the very bedsheets Tony hopes Steve’s taking them to. “You’re early,” he says.

“Your powers of deduction are astounding.” Tony tilts his chin up to nip at Steve’s ear, and is gratified by Steve’s shudder against him. Steve’s steps speed up to almost a run, jostling Tony as they move along. Tony grins. “Are you seriously going to take breaks to answer emails?”

“I can multitask,” Steve says tetchily. “Or at the very least, get you distracted enough that you won’t complain.”

“A challenge,” Tony says with a hum. “Sorry for interrupting the whatever, though.”

“Don’t be.” Steve stops walking, and removes one hand from under Tony’s thigh. There’s a click of the doorknob, and then Steve’s shifting his weight to toe the door open and bring them both inside. “I’m grateful that you’re comfortable enough to come to me like that. That’s, uh. It’s nice.”

Oh, so Steve likes that. Success.

Tony’s still grinning when Steve tosses him on the bed.

#scaramouche writes superhusbands fic #alpha beta omega #omegaverse #superhusbands #verse: stuck in a dot dot dot

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elysicndrcvm · 3 years

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━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado:

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals.

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age.

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue.

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes.

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf.

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places.

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd.

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world.

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers.

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up.

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf.

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf.

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself.

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade.

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out.

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away.

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that.

#dallyeog:intro #i'm literally in love with him he's the softest most goodest boi muse i have ever made and i just #im that meme of the samari sword guy with the cat in his arms akfkfk #IVE ONLY HAD EUNHA FOR TWO DAYS BUT IF ANYONE HURTS HIM I WILL KILL THEM AND THEN MYSELF AKKDK

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mayatheamazon · 4 years

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Whats your workout routine? Im an absolute stick of a girl but i really want to be strong and plan on going back to the gym when things open up 💚 (i have some workout equipment here at home)

Oh SWEET! I love when fellow women wanna be strong! 💪🏽 😄💓

LONG POST AHEAD GUYS!!

First of all I’m excited for you and luckyyy you got some workout equipment at home so that’s an awesome start :), secondly, just a disclaimer: I am in no way licensed for personal training or anything haha so without further ado:

For strength training I aim for at least 5-7 reps (repetitions of the exercise), which is good for warming up so you don’t waste your energy of doing 10 reps of weights you already feel comfortable with. It’s also a good amount for lifting those challenging weights.

My general guideline is if you feel comfortable doing 7-10 reps of a weight, you should try to move up to a weight that’s a lil heavier. That’s called progressive overload baybee! Because you’re progressively using weights that kinda overload your body a bit so you get stronger. I try to conserve my energy by taking breaks, drinking water, etc in between each set of reps.

Having a spotter / another person to save you from crushing your skull n shit really helps for making PRs (personal records) so you can lift heavier weights than you normally use, without yknow dying if the weights get to be THAT heavy, for your major exercises such as benching, squatting, etc. They only really help you usually by lifting 5-10 lbs of the weight youre trying to lift, sometimes not even that. Im about 100 lbs heavy, and made a squat PR of 155 one time without my mom even touching the bar!!! She was there tho, right behind me, so psychologically I felt 10000x more ready and brave enough to squat. And I went for 12 whole reps. Sometimes spotters help you to re rack your weights or unrack. I’ve gotten stronger from having my parents help me, and I’ve also done the same for my huge buff parents. Works well. Accepting help is the BEST!!!

So here’s my split and here’s what I do. My workouts are different every time but I always train LARGEST muscle groups - SMALLEST muscle groups/ isolate a muscle. Descending order of energy burn.

A lot of these I can’t even rly do because gyms are closed. I mostly improvise with homemade weights now or the dumbbells my mom shares w me now ; I do not have a homemade gym tho :,)

Green = core workouts, that I always include no matter what. They’re the “largest” muscle groups and are often seen in powerlifting competitions because they’re the most crucial for building strength.

LEGS (/GLUTES):

- squats (front & back, changing foot position from straight on & shoulder width apart, to toes facing out wards, to legs being wider apart, to legs being super wide apart (sumo position))

- deadlifts (changing my foot position the same way as squats) — these do LEGS and BACK

- leg press (leg press machine & sled machine)

- hacksquats

- walking lunges, reverse lunges

- hamstring machine

-calves (I sometimes do it after leg extensions)

- leg extensions (isolating your quads this shit BURNS! I love to do DROP SETS (in which I do progressive overload and then do as many reps of my heaviest weight as I can before I can’t, then I DONT TAKE A BREAK I DONT STOP as I drop the weight down by a little bit, do as many reps as I can before my legs give out on this safe machine, and I repeat until I’m legit down to using like 5-10 lbs and can barely do reps of that. That’s how you get a SICK pump btw, by doing drop sets for pretty much anything if it’s safe of course don’t be dumb and do that for benching with no spotter and then kill your chest and die)

- sometimes I mix in more glute workouts like hip thrusts, hip abductions, donkey kicks, fire hydrants w a booty band, or I do wall sits for a few minutes at a time to kill/ pump my quads.

- then I do the stepmill machine squeezing the hell outta my butt and legs going up 2 steps at a time after my leg workout, pretty slow, just to get blood flow in all of my legs again. Or bike. Or any other cardio. Even some sprints. I don’t do much cardio when I’m bulking because I don’t like to lose my gains but some cardio is good for strength building.

BACK & BICEPS (my split does the complimentary opposite muscles, meaning to contract back muscles I use biceps too; and for chest pressing I’m using my triceps):

- lat pull downs with free weights (the plates) on a couple different machines because the change of hand position is EVERYTHING

- lat pullbacks with free weights (I do one arm at a time sometimes because short arms and that’s the only way I can do that)

- lat pull downs with different bars/ handles make all the difference in cable machines

- lat pullbacks with cable machines

- lat pullbacks with dumbbells

- pull-ups (not powerlifting comp exercise but still a core exercise for me; I do drop sets in the assist machines by adding assistance each time after doing it unassisted is too difficult), or if you’re doing it from home I use my kitchen counter.

- any other back or bicep machines gyms may have; I like to explore

- curls ( classic curls, curls where you stop and start at a certain point (not full range), hammer curls, standing vs sitting with your back to a bench, preacher curls, one arm at a time vs both arms)

CHEST AND TRICEPS:

- bench press w bar (I switch my chest days between incline and decline; often doing flat benching after either)

- that with dumbbells now

- chest press machine ( again, incline or flat/decline)

- Arnold’s (I do those on chest AND shoulder day) theyre hard to master

- chest flys with dumbbells, cables, and / or machine

- [for incline chest I have my head on the bench and my body hanging off, knees at a 90° angle, torso parallel to the ground, holding 1 end of a dumbbell making a diamond shape with my fingers without my Versagrips on and I lift a dumbbell over my head kinda like skull crushers except straight arms and I go past my head, fuck I forgot what the exercise is called]

- pushups (changing hand position by width does a lot. Sometimes even having hands together making a diamond shape w the thumb and index finger works the triceps like you wouldn’t believe)

- tricep dips

- tricep extensions behind the head with dumbbells

- cable tricep extensions

- skullcrushers ( gosh that name is so hardcore)

- tricep machines if they have anymore

SHOULDERS: (mix n match with arms)

- shoulder press with dumbbells (preferably sitting so no assistance from momentum but standing is cool too :))

- press with the smith machine, esp if no spotter

- once again Arnold’s

- lifting dumbbells from your side or front, having hands either vertical or horizontal, arms straight, til the hands are extended and right at shoulder or eye level

- holding a free weight like a steering wheel arms extended kinda above head level, turning the wheel left and right, slowly.

- shrugs (machine or dumbbells or barbell )

- handstand push-ups against a wall

- downward dog pushups

- any other machines I may b missing

CORE ( I do everyday because it’s all about burning the abdominals as consistently as possible if you want definition, same sorta w biceps; the weight you use doesn’t matter as much as just the act of pumping them):

- crunches ( lower ab crunch, full crunch, normal crunches)

- sit-ups (in the fitness gram pace test, not to brag but I fûçkin won for those so 😎 LMAOO)

- Romanian whateverthefucks Where you sit back reclining, feet on ground, knees bent, slowly bringing a weight/ kettlebell/ weighted ball left n right across the hips

- bicycles

-burpees

- planks

- mountain climbers

- leg lifts holding onto an overhead bar

- anything else on the Internet; there are infinite ab exercises guaranteed and that’s the beauty of it

So that’s pretty much an exhaustive list of all the exercises I can think of; I don’t always get to all of them because I like to prevent overtraining and getting to eating ASAP after I get a pump to build my muscles and recover as fast as possible. Plenty of food, plenty of rest rest, plenty of water, plenty of stretching does the trick my guy. I like to do yoga at night before sleeping sometimes so I’m not sore as frick the next day (sometimes doesn’t work)

Anyways I love it all. The burn, the pump, the soreness the day after ... it’s all a sign of hard work and it actually working. Consistency is your bff. I believe in you. Time for being strong bb

Best of luck for your strength journey !!!!

💖- Maya

PS: have this pic I posted on my insta ( same url as my tumblr)

11 months can do HELLA

#long post #me #my routine #flex #bodybuilder #strength #powerlifter #fitness #powerbuilding #strong women #workout routine #gym life #fitblr #self love #fbb #transformation

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weltonreject · 4 years

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[[MORE]]

08.17.20

re: trying new things (a la journaling!)- i've been watching a lot of like, morning routine/aesthetic montage of coffee drinking @ 5:30am/ peaceful definitely idealized and intentionally scenic daily life videos a lot recently. and it's definitely inspiring (?) as i creep closer to moving out, esp in contract to the dark academia and study/"productivity" posts i keep feeding myself in order to picture how i want to have my days look, and go into my new home with intention.

i'm personally, um, not doing very well at this particular moment (hence the inconsistent writing, answering, and posting) and living alone has not seemed like the best idea. but watching these videos and getting advice for journaling (which I'll respond to more directly asap thank you for all the tips btw love y'all xo) has been both incredibly intimidating to a part of me that needs things to be Perfect or Else, but also encouraging for me to not sabotage myself before i even get TO my own living space where i can craft a morning routine or budget or diet or Self.

i want to pick out ways to decorate my room in the most pretentious & DA way because why not? i want to start a morning routine of note taking and reading and tea! i want to learn a third language and fold that into my routine! i want to take back learning and care and independence without a grade over me.

but i also know that this excitement is very reactionary. i'm not well. and it's weird to say. and weird to look at these DA aes posts and have them be a... "positive" (???) example of things i can "do" if i get help and get better. i can include those kind of studying/learning (out of school)/gloomy autumnal Vibez into my life if i take care of it enough to actually have energy to shape it.

DA is obviously not the end all be all and should not be a priority to anyone's life purpose/self/identity etc. like. we know this. but in living alone i am getting the chance to indulge in all that stupidly and wonderfully pretentious things we all love about our favorite books and characters and films-- and frankly, each other! it's exciting to think i'll be able to read in all my free time at work and not have a grade to dictate the notes or research i do (or why i'm doing it at 3am...) or i can try new teas and coffees with my morning routine of peace and quiet (and my new habit of piano-based film scores). i feel inspired to be excited and excited to be excited...

i guess this counts as beginning steps to daily journaling, but i'm saying it here because... i don't know, there's something about the performative nature of seeing Aesthetic Journaling that has actually come full circle and gotten me to ACTUALLY do it, rather than fret over perfection. and do it in a way that keeps me accountable? like, i know i am not doing well-- but i didn't want to just write about that (here) and enforce that Poor Coping Mechanisms Hype. i also didn't want it to slip past myself, as it would by staying in a more private place (bc i know myself, not bc i think all feelings should be public instead), that i am feeling slightly energized to... frankly, save my own life.

i want to bookmark that i do want to make a very brooding (and healthy) little slice of post-undergrad, grad school life for myself in the coming months. i want to... feel good enough about my situation to buy myself some fucking furniture? and to plan on literally purchasing groceries as a regular habit? and take care of my life, even if i want it "follow" a certain Energy that's all about academia and being a nitwit in a tweed coat yellin' about homoerotic subtext in "classic" literature...

i want to say this, mostly for my dumb ass, to remind myself that bitch you are excited. there are things to look forward to creating, even if you feel anxious about it needing to be perfect. this is also a way to have things pre-written when i, eventually, need to call my own self out to my friends and say that i need some help. a little support and supervision to this new life i have complete free reign over; if my excitement is reactionary, my destructive behavior can be the same way.

this is already way too long. this was literally just supposed to be about watching a "my 5:30am routine" and feeling like i want to make a very mindful and unplugged routine to read and make my own coffee every day. that was it. but then i remembered... that there's a lot more i have to do before i can even consider making "morning ritual✨" content and posts and videos or whatever to share with y'all (bc if I get into this grad school i do want to start sharing stuff that relates to my new reading lists and study habits and writing methods blah blah blah we get it Mitchell you want to engage with people who have your interests SHH). before i can do that, i have to like. be healthy enough to have any of that be healthy, and not just an avoidance technique. or literally a way to make myself worse (and i mean d**d, technically).

so, somehow, still writing. needing to shut up. but, i wanted to say something for myself, but in a way that can be pointed to like "hey, mitchell, you uhhhh work on this at all, or are you just Politely Not Seeing It??" (providing i get to a worse place in which i am not communicating these thoughts to my irl friends i am moving closer to... although no one here is obligated to look after me. at all. to be clear.)

life is cool, man. i really like filling it with depressing and sorrowful literature and theory because it's interesting, but it's cool. it's cool to be alive for, ya know? life is worth being alive for to shape and create to your own liking. that's literally the point. and i forget thag. constantly.

hope life is cool to you. i think you're very cool for being here, alive today. sending you my warmest regards (or maybe coolest bc summer & motifs)...

sto lat.

mitchell k.

#journaling #personal #mental health talks sprinkled into general positive-ish life updates and realizations #nothing detailed but like. in case the vibes could harm your current state of peace etc just lettin ya know!#i really rambled a bit but its 1am now and im feeling some kinda way #long post #post grad periodical

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angrylizardjacket · 4 years

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the last house at the end of the street {Daniel Webber}

A/N: 2871 words. This is for @rogerandhishair and also batnon, both of whom I love, but especially Gabs for helping me along the way and inspiring me, and yelling about Daniel a lot. Was this meant to be cabin!Daniel? Yes. But it’s lakehouse!daniel now! So part of my family is originally from Wangi Wangi, and I used to go there a lot when I was a kid, esp. around Christmas/Summer time. It’s a very chill, picturesque place. God I hope this is coherent to anyone who’s not Australian. Feedback would be great!! Fluffy As Hell and AGGRESSIVELY Australian.

“This is where horror movies happen.” You tell Daniel, the two of you stopped for lunch at a spot you’re told is only a five minute walk from the property he’d bought once he’d had the means. It’s in a place called Wangi Wangi, which you’d never heard of before, but you’d been assured that you’d love it, and, alright, looking over the sparkling water of the Lake, seeing the little boats bobbing their way across the water, the smell of the gentle breeze as it whistles softly past the native trees, you’re actually rather charmed by it. But you still can’t help yourself. “Seriously, this is where Crocodile Dundee himself crawls out of the lake to kill his helpless victims, which probably includes us.”

“Crocodile Dundee isn’t a horror movie,” Daniel tells you flatly, his lips quirked in the barest smirk, and your expression turns to a frown as you consider it. “You’re thinking of Friday the Thirteenth.”

“No, I’m thinking of... - Wolf Creek!” It’s like a eureka moment, your eyes lighting up, and oh, somehow it’s just so endearing, the light of the sun glinting off the water to highlight your smile. “I’m thinking of Wolf Creek,” you tell him with a self-satisfied conviction, going on to half-jokingly explain that ‘wolf is going to crawl out of the creek and kill us, just like in the movie’. You’re fully aware that that’s not what Wolf Creek is about, but it doesn’t really matter, because it makes Daniel laugh.

The property is the last house on the street, a dark gravel driveway leading to a spacious garage next to a handsome, red brick home. The windows are large, filling the rooms with air and light, looking out over the Lake, a view you know you could really get used to.

It’s empty, bare walls and plush, clean carpets, linoleum you’d replace with actual tiles when you get a chance. He’d always said he wanted a house by the lake, always told you how much he’d adored coming out here as a kid, and now, seeing him lean against the balcony out the back, smiling like everything was right in the world at this very moment, you can’t blame him. Wrapped your arms around him, you press a kiss to his back, between his shoulder blades, before perching your chin on his shoulder.

It’s so serene.

It’s going to end up as a holiday home, but you’re both between projects, so you’ve got the time to fix it up, to make it perfect. But for now, tonight, the first time you’ll ever sleep in this quiet little dream you’ve picked out for yourselves, you sleep on a blow-up mattress in the main bedroom, talking and laughing and dreaming up schematics in the Summer air. The window is open, and if you’re quiet, you can hear the lake lapping at the shore.

Tomorrow, you can start the process of making it perfect, but for tonight, it sort of feels like it already is.

It’s not easy work, it’s the tail-end of Summer, though February is still painful at the best of times. You’re covered in grime and grout and paint, and retiling a bathroom and a kitchen is far more involved than you’d realised. Painting room after room hurts your back, and you know that when you’re done, you still have to do the skirting boards, and replace the counter tops and furnish the whole house. You’ve got the basics, a refrigerator, and wifi, and deck chairs, though they’re uncomfortable metal fold out ones, but you get through the day, jamming out to Spotify playlists that keep your spirit up.

Naps become common, as does having at least three water bottles in the fridge at all times. Each. You’re sweaty more than you’re not, but it’s worth it, it has to be.

One particularly hot afternoon, Daniel wraps his arms around you where you’re reaching into the fridge for some cold water, and you squawk at it. You’d just been taking a break from painting the main bedroom, giving yourself a rest before powering through to the marginally-cooler night.

“I’m so gross right now,” you protest, feeling every point where your shirt is sticking to you, but he doesn’t release you from his loose grip.

“So am I,” he laughs, pressing his face to your back, wiping his grubby forehead on your back, covered in sweat and grim from where he’d been replacing the wood of the back porch. You wriggle, yelping at that, though you don’t protest, and when you shut the fridge, you turn to him with two bottles in hand. He takes the one you offer, finally letting you go, grinning from ear to ear.

“You wanna head down to the lake for a swim?” He offers, and it’s almost four in the afternoon, still feeling hotter than hell, and the lake sounds so enticing right now.

“Absolutely.”

Daniel always seems to know when your mood is dipping, he takes the paintbrush or tool that you’re working with, and you want to protest, because you’ve still got some of the wall to do but -

“Tomorrow, there’s always tomorrow.” He’ll assure, and something about the way he says it eases the tense set of your shoulders. Tired and covered in paint, he’ll grab a drink for the both of you, so cold it feels like a godsend, and you’ll walk down to the shore. There’s a little, stone pier that’s a ten minute walk from your house, with other people’s overturned canoes resting in the grass nearby, and something about the sight is so full of implicit trust. You sit, side by side, on the pier, feet in the water, watching boats cross the skyline. Some days it’s clear enough that you can see Swansea on the other side.

The stress washes away with the water, leaning against Daniel, your head on his shoulder.

“I was thinking of getting, like, a dinghy or something,” he muses one evening, sunset having painted the sky lilac. You yawn, having spent the day finishing off painting the skirting boards; it meant you’d officially finished painting the house, and all that was left to do was replace the linoleum countertops in the kitchen. It had thoroughly sapped the energy from you. “Maybe not a dinghy, maybe something bigger; we could go out on the lake and swim, maybe fish, just have a time of it.” He sounded tired too, and he takes a swig of his beer before resting his head against yours. The moment hangs in the air, warm and gentle like the last rays of sunshine, and you tuck your arm into his, basking in it.

You’re rather wrapped up in refurbishing the home for the stretch of time that you spend there, you’d missed Christmas and Australia Day, and before you know it, the house is done. It smells like fresh paint and plastic from your new furniture and appliances, and you find yourself burning candles everywhere to make it smell like home.

You get used to the comforting sound of the lake, the rustle of the wind through the trees, and it becomes routine to walk through the park that borders the left of your house, going out to the picnic spot where you’d stopped that first day, overlooking the whole town and it’s surrounds. Daniel takes comfort here like you’ve never really seen him before. Seemingly stress free, he finds himself enjoying afternoons exploring the Conservation Park nearby; sometimes you join him, sometimes you take a nap, and wake up when the sun’s setting, the air’s cooling, and you find yourself with a blanket over you, and a little bunch of wild flowers on the coffee table. Daniel, you can hear, is cooking dinner in the next room, listening to music and humming along. Something about it makes your heart melt, just a little.

It seems like it’s all too soon before you’re both off again, to work on new projects, the real world calling you back, but at least now you know you’ve got this refuge when you need it.

The year drags on, and for all it’s filled with fun and achievements, you find yourself longing to go back to the little lake house.

You return just after New Year’s. It’s the middle of Summer, and this time you buy a barbecue for the back yard, and a tent, because you’ve got a beautiful park right next door, it would be a shame to under utilize it. You get to know your neighbors, the people around the street, and it’s surprising how friendly they are. You suppose you do live at the end of the road, no-one further down apart from the animals in the park, and the vacationing families in the holiday homes a few kilometers away.

Johnno, who lives four doors down, baulks when you call him Johnothan, and in the same breath invites you and Daniel to his Australia Day get-together that’s happening next week. You tentatively accept, but he seems to sense your hesitation.

“Listen, it’s just a little thing, get all the neighbors round and have a splash in the pool, get the barbie runnin’ and listen to Triple-J’s Hottest 100,” he pauses, shrugging, not even giving you time to process everything he’s said, “I don’t really go in for all that patriotism stuff, but it’s a good excuse to get everyone together, you know?” Daniel accepts with a bright smile, and Johnno’s on his merry way.

“Please tell me you understood anything he said,” you half laughed, and Daniel grins, nodding, explaining that you’d essentially been invited to a very casual lunch.

Personally, you think having a pool while living so close to a lake seems like overkill, but you wouldn’t turn down a kind invite.

“I feel like I’ve seen your face before,” Johnno’s expression is thoughtful as you and Daniel hover by the barbecue, feeling a little out of place in the spacious backyard, surrounded by people and their families. There’s kids splashing about in the pool, older women sitting on the porch under an umbrella holding glasses of champagne, and men scattered about, talking to each other like old friends. Johnno, for his part, is diligently sweating away, cooking enough sausages to feed a small army, with plates piled high of more food to be added when there’s room. He’s not even wearing an apron, just a pair of board shorts, wielding a pair of tongs with one hand, a beer in the other.

Daniel laughs a little at that, the sound warm and good natured, and a woman comes out of the house holding a bowl of freshly tossed salad.

“Jen, babe, where have we seen him before, he’s got a face I recognise,” Johnno asks, and the woman, Jen, joins him after putting the salad on the fold out table that had been set-up beside the barbecue. She frowns for a little, but it’s not unkind, and Daniel beats them to it.

“I was on Home and Away a couple of years ago.”

And both their faces light up, talking over each other with their own realisations as they nod, agreeing that that’s where he’d seen them. It’s slow at first, once Jen leaves to head back inside, a few of the people who come out after her, carrying drinks of their own, or more food for the table, they give you and Daniel an appraising look. As time passes, it seems the news of a celebrity in their midst spreads to the rest of the gathered neighbors, though it just means that everyone’s more excited to talk to them, well Daniel, than they were before.

“He’s the cute one from Teenage Kicks,” a teenage girl whispers a little too loudly to her friend, maybe her sister, while they’re all lining up for food. Daniel tries to hide his smile and pretend like he didn’t hear them, stepping up, grabbing himself a paper plate, and collecting food.

“I feel like they’re too young to have seen that,” he mutters to you, though he’s grinning a little, and you can’t help your own smile at his amusement.

Soon enough, just like you’d watched earlier, the others start to talk to the two of you like you’re old friends, but Daniel never leaves your side. You’re a little bit surprised at how much you find you’re enjoying yourself. You and Daniel take up residence on a set of banana lounges beneath an umbrella. At one point, he goes to get the both of you new drinks, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he goes, and you’re pretty sure you actually hear the two teenage girls give a dreamy sigh from where they’d been trying to inconspicuously watch the two of you. While you found it a little strange, they obviously meant no harm by it, and when you smiled at them, they both averted their gazes quickly, embarrassed at getting caught.

The whole day feels surreal, like a moment from someone else’s life, where the sky is always blue, and grilled pineapple is a delicacy, and it feels like a home away from home.

You don’t stay long; his shooting schedule for his next project has him in America in late February, and your own project is set to enter pre-production only a few weeks after; you’re sad to leave the haven of the lake house, but excited to say goodbye to the heat of the Australian Summer.

Every so often, you get invited to neighborhood events, usually by Johnno or Jen, though you’ve actually kept up communications with a few people from around the neighborhood, having enjoyed that Summer afternoon too much to let the people you’d met go completely.

You return sooner than anticipated, at the start of July, the two of you having a few weeks off and wanting to see what the property was like in the Winter, out of sheer curiosity.

It’s absolutely freezing. The wind cools as it crosses the lake, and chills you to the bone. It’s only made bearable when you and Daniel wrap yourselves in various duvets, curled up on the sofa you’d bought for the porch, drinking hot drinks and enjoying the view as much as you could. You think you prefer the view in the Summer, everything seems that little bit more gold around the edges, but here, now, he wraps his arm around you, lets you wrap yourself up against him.

“We should bring people out here,” he muses, breath warm against your cheek, a small comfort on this overcast evening, “like friends and stuff, ‘nd family. In Summer of course.”

“Spring,” you suggest, “before it gets too hot.” He nods, but doesn’t answer for the crack of thunder that rumbles ahead of you, and the two of head inside quickly before being pelted with rain. The rain itself sets the atmosphere nicely when you head back inside, curling up on the sofa, planning on who you could invite to your little lakeside paradise.

Bit by bit, as you collect memories in the house, you collect knicknacks, and then there’s photos on the wall, and props from projects on display, and you have friends and family around, you invite the neighbors for a barbecue of your own, and then there’s little scratches and knocks along the walls, and someone spilled something on the carpet that didn’t manage to come out entirely, but you find that you sort of love it. It feels lovely.

There’s a little yacht docked to the bigger pier that’s only about a twenty minute walk from your home, but it’s yours. The guest room is always neat when a friend comes to stay. In 2019, you politely decline the invite to ‘Johnno and Jen’s annual Australia Day Shindig’, you tell them you have family plans. In a sense, you’re not lying; you have the other three stars of The Dirt over for Australia Day, and they make themselves at home on your sofa, on your spare bed, on a blow-up mattress. There’s something freeing about the lake house, about being away from prying eyes, and while you watch the boys toss themselves into the water from the yacht, you feel contentment spreading from the warmth in your chest to the tips of your fingers.

You have your own little barbecue that evening, everyone still in board shorts, hair curling from the salt water and sitting around the back porch. Colson’s singing along to half of the Hottest 100 as it plays from your bluetooth speaker, and later, you’ll all watch the fireworks over the water. Daniel seems in his element, grinning from ear to ear as you’re all discussing your upcoming projects, how they’re all looking forward to the The Dirt premiere in only a few months. Iwan’s got a few television opportunities, Douglas is going to be doing some philanthropy, and Colson’s got his album coming out soon. Both you and Daniel have films going into production in the near future, and you can see him regarding his friends with a quiet pride.

This is what had been missing, you realise.

The house was finally perfect.

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