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astercontrol · 3 months

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It's been most of a year since I began my journey into TRON fandom.

In many ways it's been wonderful.

But one thing that's jarring, and painful, is how many of the people who were active at the beginning are now… gone. Either mostly or completely.

It's happened in various ways. Some have just gone quiet, or mostly quiet, on every forum where I saw them. Others have actively removed their online presence, either by deleting social media, or by blocking and unfollowing down to a smaller number of people they now interact with.

Some have made it clear why. Some have just ghosted, without explanation.

But from the variety of circumstances where I've seen it happen… it seems like there really isn't one single cause.

Many different, unrelated ones have come up, with different individuals who have vanished. IRL problems, busy jobs, mental health issues, shifts in personal interests, fandom conflict, social overwhelm, a desire to separate themselves from places and people whom they associate with experiences they no longer want any reminders of.

But regardless of causes, it's a loss that's felt very sharply in such a small fandom, especially for someone like me whose interest focuses on a particularly small part of the fandom.

And since this is the first time in many, many years that I've been active in the social part of any fandom… I really have no reference point for how normal it is.

It feels very unlike my long-ago experience with Star Trek fans… but is that difference because TRON is a smaller fandom than Trek, or because of some difference in fandom culture, or because the whole world has changed in the long gap in time between my experience with the two?

It's a very lonely feeling, in any case.

I miss lots of the fans I started this experience with. I accept their individual circumstances, even when I don't totally understand.

But I also really, really appreciate all of you who are still around. And I am so very happy whenever I've made contact with someone new.

You all matter.

#tron #tronblr #tron 1982 #fandom #UserWorldProblems #emotional stuff #social stuff

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mordenandmerry · 2 months

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I realized today that the reason I don’t like taking care of myself is that if I make myself happy people can take that away or use it for themselves but they can’t use me if I have nothing to give.

I’m crying btw

Also for the tma fans it might come as a surprise that the web is the one that scares me the most.

#rants #emotional stuff #i should talk to my therapist about this #tma #tma web

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fey--wolf · 1 year

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so tell me where to put my love do I wait for time to do what it does?

Florence + The Machine - My Love

Alcest - Percées de lumière

#art #personal art #emotional stuff #florence + the machine #another post therapy session scribble #alcest

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blue-inferno · 2 years

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Transformers Prime - One Shot-

Characters main: Bulkhead, Wheeljack, Ultra Magnus, and Miko, mention of Ratchet

Event(s): This chapter takes place shortly after the events of Chain of Command.

(TFP: BEAST HUNTERS-EPISODE 6)

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So I have been watching back on TFP's Chain of Command and the intense end, really put me on a cliff-hanger. Wow, never had I felt so intrigued by this and I feel like I wanted to extend the end slightly in my own little interpretation.

Enjoy :D__________________________________________________________

An unsure and intense gaze lingered until the silence was finally broken......

"And I wanna remember us just like this........before the rust sets in...."A sad glance over his shoulder to Ultra Magnus, and Bulkhead knew exactly what his saddened buddy was planning on doing next. Wheeljack slumped off a few steps and transformed down into his alt mode, his speed was dragged and forlorn as he deserted the area, whilst kicking up a light dust trail. Ultra Magnus kept his gaze on the Wrecker until his form became a small shrinking figure in the distance.

"What??" Miko blurted as she turned towards Bulkhead, eyes wide with worry "Where's Wheeljack going?"Bulkhead only knew too well that a mech who despised the commander, endured countless rules on proper protocol, and becoming so fed up with the Prime and his team, that in the end left him no better choice than to go solo, could only mean that this autobot was going to leave. That is what Wheeljack intended to do. Having decided he was not going to get anywhere fast with anyone, what better thing to do than to go off alone, only going where he knew best, where his spark knew best.... Away from them.........Bulkhead looked out and lowered his head back down to Miko, his voice breaking.

"Solo......"

"Again?!"

"....Jackie just broke up the band." His last words echoed before the final shapes of the white Lancia were well and truly out of sight....-The two mechs and the young teen, clad in the Apex armour, grimly cast their eyes beyond, knowing now there was nothing left to watch...

---------------------------------------------

The setting sun was now a merging pattern of golden oranges and scarlet reds, looming across a deep sapphire and indigo sky. The clouds were a mixture of faint, streaky pink, puffy strips that hung low over the horizon, much like someone else's emotions hanging in the balance. The miserable rumble of a car engine, sped into a vast valley and dense shadows from the nearby thickets and trees, danced over its bonnet and across blackened windscreen as it swerved in and out of the woodlands, in a hope to find a more open, albeit, secluded spot.

Scotland....why here? Why not back to base? Surely it couldn't be that bad?

Wheeljack had trundled to an unknown territory. But he didn't care. He never did. Anywhere was better than where he first left off....or so his first thoughts were. It was getting late, and whatever light remained was now fading, rapidly being replaced with a thickening blanket of deep purple and grey. It felt as though eons had passed. A mild gentle breeze was beginning to pick up as it floated through the leaves and whistled through the long grass, flicking each blade and branch, forming a sea of shimmering green and silver waves. He went a little further before groaning to a stop in the middle of a small clearing not too far from the woods in which he entered. Too tired to carry on he pressed his weight to the ground as he felt his tyres sink heavily into the earth, his gears winding down in anguish with just the glow of his headlights lighting the area. He remained quiet for a little while, as he vaguely surveyed the space. As a last resort, he turned off his comm. link. Now would not be the best time to get an aggravated call from base, especially from the old Doc bot, requesting his location or some other issue he couldn't deal with at the moment.

Not like this......not in this state.

It was quiet here....... There were no obvious sounds, no one telling him what to do........just how Wheeljack liked it, but he couldn't help but notice the eeriness of the ambience around him. Maybe just a little too quiet for his own liking. Upon realising he was far out of reach from any visual human contact, miles in fact, he transformed up and let out a long deep sigh. A sigh of resent mixed with a feeling of guilt and depression. His deep blue optics were glazed and his body was tense and hunched. Trying hard not to over react with pure anger he slumped his back into a vast tree, just wide enough to support his frame. He let his heavy arms dangle and his attention turned upwards to the near blackened sky. His winglets drooped and perked slightly, as they skimmed the leaves above his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Bulk.....Im so sorry...Its...It's all my fault."

Wheeljack felt his optics become wet with fluid. He didn't know he was almost on the verge of a mental, if not an actual, physical breakdown. He shivered slightly as the wind began to rise more steadily this time, whipping the branches as the leaves clashed more vigorously together. A single leaf broke away and fluttered gently down in front of Wheeljack. As he looked to the leaf, his mind became blank, following the path of the leaf, he eyed it sadly, as it daintily fell towards the floor, but a sudden gust blew it back up towards his servos. Intrigued by the single beauty he managed to catch it in his palm as he bought up his other servo and carefully cupped the tiny organism. The leaf was simply dominated by Wheeljack's large figure.

"Hey.....I guess it's just you and me, little guy......Primus.......this is a tough way to go huh?. Why is this happening? Poor Bulk. I don't know why he puts up with a old beat up bot like me." He let out another small submissive sigh, his broad chest falling outwards. He squeezed his optics shut, still gently holding the leaf as he bought it closer to his spark. Bulkhead was such a good bud, but Wheeljack couldn't fault the fact that something in him had changed. He wasn't the complete wrecking ball he had previously known and grown alongside with. Something was off, but he couldn't put a finger on it....

Feeling uneasy, Wheeljack stood up from the tree he was leaning against and took a few trembling steps into the clearing. Another wave of sickening emotion now filled him, only it was not compassion for Bulkhead. This time it was anger for his change bought upon by Optimus, heck even Magnus didnt help matters. Wreckers were well known for their brash behaviour and sturdy upbringing, but Wheeljack felt.....somewhat........neglected as it were. He knew Bulkhead had a soft spot within him, but all the same, the change was a lot more apparent now than expected. Now Wheeljack wondered if he was the same bot he had known all these years. He didn't know if wanted to swear at Prime and his people for changing his buddy, or, swear at Bulkhead for his different attitude. The leaf he was holding fell to the hard floor once again.

The frustrated Lancia drew out one of his katanas with a slow ear grinding scrape, and bought it up to his helm, until he could see half of his face reflecting on the shimmering surface, an icy blue optic squinting in disgust. A low growl emitted from deep within.

Finally feeling his spark slicing in two, the tired wrecked shivered and dropped his blade, slumped to the floor, hoisted up his knees and hunched over them as the air carried his soft cries through the trees....

#wheeljack #transformers prime #transformers #bulkhead #ultra magnus #tfp #one shot #angst #emotional stuff

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 4 months

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god i love my friends. shout out to people who love their friends. this is a post for friend lovers

#sorry i thought too hard about everything and got weirdly emotional like hgoly shit #i talk to people here every day and we know stuff about each other and shit and we exchange ideas and waaa #we're like all basically penpals but better #im realizing how revolutionary this is. like had we all been born earlier we never would have met #and even if we did we'd have to talk through letters with weeks if not months in between responses #can you imagine that #every day instead i literally wake up and my friends are there #insane #i love having friends

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anxioustwilight · 16 days

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I’m venting in this post, so I’m going to put a readmore in. There’s also not really a point. I was trying to find one, but I just need to scream into the internet void. Please check tags for tw.

So my mother starts drinking when I’m like, 12 years old. She’s stealing my Dad’s prescription pain meds (he was in the army) on top of it. So I’m in middle school when I get called out of class because she tried to kill herself.

She spends the next years after that screaming at my Dad, yelling at him, hitting him. In 2021 she actually choked him and raised a pen above her head to stab him. She broke two of his ribs and one of his teeth fell out from the cardboard she was trying to shove down his throat.

Anyway, I’m saying all of this because for the past ten years she’s bullied and belittled my father and controlled our household. We’re not allowed to go out for too long, and anywhere but the grocery store or somewhere to get something for her. We’re not allowed to have friends. And despite all of this, she insists that it’s not her fault because she has trauma.

I’m just so tired. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t be a human being because I have to worry about her meltdowns. I’m tired of listening to my father vent and vent. I’m tired of her apologizing but never doing anything to rectify her behavior and the pain she causes. I’m tired of being on the verge of tears but unable to cry.

#tw abuse #tw trauma #tw suicide #vent #tw vent #vent post #personal vent #family issues #depression #anxiety #im fine #im just exhausted #emotional stuff

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