Oh to be perfect…

ALL I WANT IS A THIN STOMACH. thighs will take longer to shrink, but i can control my stomach.

reasons why a fat stomach is bad:

sticks out in dresses

makes jeans push out

looks like i'm pregnant

i look like a beluga whale

feels like an alien has invaded my body and is residing there like a parasitic flea

jiggles, weighs

it's like taping a basketball to me and then having to go do other things

it's in the back of my mind always

🐳 🐋 Pamiętajcie, aby odchodzić dzień kobiet,

trzeba być kobietą, a nie wielorybem.. 🐳🐋

Pierwszy raz od dawna pozwoliłem sobie zjeść coś nie zdrowego, nie chciałem być wyrzutkiem wśród znajomych... żałuję, żałuję tak bardzo. Robię jutro fasta i przez jakiś czas ograniczę się do wafli ryżowych i wody w diecie :// Przynajmniej kotka mnie pociesza <333

Weirdly off topic for my blog- but I think more people should be aware that many species of bats are endangered- some due to humans interfering with their caves and disrupting their feeding grounds. Moths/bugs are their main food source and they rely on them to live, if you are in an area populated by bats plz don’t use moth/fly/ mosquito poison as it will get back to the bats. Also remember to turn off your porch lights. Our nocturnal pollinators are suffering!

wait. ur telling me ppl don't spend every second of their day on tumblr. Like ppl actually go out and do shit?

ALSO I KEEP GETTING ASKED TO GO TO THE FUCKING POOL AND SWIMMING AND SHIT LIKE BRO IM NOT SKINNY YET LEAVE ME ALONE

11.09 200kcal

Dzisiaj do 20 miałam fasta którego zakończyłam 41h niejedzenia.

Dzisiejszy limit to 200kcal.

Jadłam jedynie 1 posiłek który składał się z 2 rzeczy bo nie zmieściło mi sie na jednym.

Pomidor z białkiem jajka - 47 kcal

Pomidor (155g) - 29kcal Białko z jednego jajka (33g) - 17kcal

Makaron z pieczarkami i cukinnią - 150kcal

Makaron konjac (2 opakowania) - 24kcal Cukinnia (458g) - 78kcal Pieczarki (150g) - 33kcal Sos sojowy (60g) - 15kcal

Bilans - 29kcal

Zjedzone - 196 kcal Spalone - 167kcal

The draculaura diet <3

boy dinner ❀

✨this will be mine✨

imagine: it's been a few months and you havent been fasting or calorie counting or thinking about your food at all. when you wear cute shorts that you used to love, your thighs bulge out. when you sit, you look like a hippopotamus. you feel like shit, and your friends look away distastefully

“For all of that, the notion that Alberta’s politics stifles all dissent, or made queer life impossible was not historically accurate. This research illustrates how the largely middle-class activists and organizers strove to make it safe... to be queer in Edmonton. And it makes plain how much further they had to go than their peers in Saskatchewan and Manitoba.” “It is suggestive of the challenges of being queer in Edmonton that so much energy and resources went into counselling individuals struggling with their sexual orientation and negotiating the commensurate identities issues.”

this is very hard hitting to me because waking up today in this reality was an ordeal. but it makes me think a lot.

i don’t want to glamourize or valourize the difficulty of being queer in the “tough” city too much because i don’t want to fall into the trap of queer life in edmonton = suffering only but. at the same time it makes me reflect a lot on how i’ve perceived and chosen to personify and characterize my city (is it mine yet? has it always been?) in art over the years and so rambles about that follow

i designed Ed in sub-rural high school a few years after returning to Canada from post 9/11 midwestern America when i was filled with this dissatisfaction of being "home” only to discover that my life was matching next to none of the imagined past i had growing up in Edmonton, and trying to reconcile the gap between this mythical multicultural utopia in the Big City just out of my reach that existed only in my memory and this growing awareness of the rest of Canada looking down on us as a province and as a city- as I discovered firsthand in a rural k-9 school (which even this past year was subject to a horrific hate crime), this was not an entirely undeserved reputation.

of course during this time i was dealing with several battles that didn’t occur to me until later as having any real impact on who i was: all my classmates assuming upon barely interacting with me that i was a lesbian on the grounds of not admitting to liking anyone Ever; being referred to as “that” because my gender expression was considered deviant by my peers; grappling with the sexual deviance associated with hobbies at the time that were far far far from the mainstream at this point (anime and online social networks! gasp); protesting bill 44 without a second thought as to how people would perceive me after; coming out as asexual to relative strangers in a time where there were still only 2.5 orientations and identities barely spoken aloud; and graduating (finally!) into Big City University where I was struggling to reconcile things like being a notorious atheist completely against religious fundamentalism with my Not a Sexuality TM with my Yaoi is for Perverts Which I Am Not with my Feminism is Too Political For Me and so on and so forth.

(so you can see why when i was stepping between ultra religious conservative alberta and weird lefty university life i made these characters somewhat ironically with all the yaoi tropes and demanded that they not be shipped together. lmao. what was i thinking honestly. was it a challenge for others or for me? was it the start of a dialogue or the end of one?)

and sequestered as i was in my little southside university life a certain born and raised Edmontonian from an inner city north side school background, as desperate to escape the city as i was to be repatriated to it, decided this was insufficient and thrust me into directly confronting the fears and anxieties i had picked up through osmosis of Scary Downtown Edmonton. It’s not really a coincidence that the two major changes in Ed’s design (his queerness and his Indigeneity) happened at northside transit stops, both at night, in the company of the incorrigible quatschmachen). I remember us joking about Ed as “the gay cousin” after a particular journey to a discount theatre with a distinct sketchy reputation just a hop skip and a jump from the industrial, uh, charm of the meat packing plants and Belvedere LRT station and, naturally, it stuck. The myth in my head was beginning to grasp onto the realities that I had once been disenchanted by and was desperate to cover up. And it stuck.

And it stuck and I spent a long time “justifying” it in my head, because you have to remember up until this point that personifying a place with any “difference” (in ethnicity, ability, etc) or acknowledging the real struggles of being queer in a place outside of the sacrilegiously gay-and-silly and yes subversive heta-verse... it wasn’t acceptable in fandom. It was rarely done and when it was it was often met with extremely virulent hostility, hostility in similar-but-different ways to the hostility i faced for accidentally expressing “difference” that I didn’t realize I was expressing in rural backwater Alberta.

And it stuck and suddenly it became a gateway into this secret untold history of the city.

And maybe I will write more about that as my research progresses. but there you go, a little insight into why I designed Ed the way I did and why I’ve upheld that particular characterization for all these years. And now a decade after designing him exist the citations to back up my choices, on one hand, and the resolve to keep fighting, to keep writing that history in spite of these odds that look insurmountable from the outside.

it’s tough being the tough city but the battles are worth fighting. and that’s why i do what i do.

These are my goals for wl!

Too overstimulated for pictures of The Mall but we did pass by our dear friend Talus Dome who is now in jail for being too tempting to intrepid explorers.

I need someone to tell me not to binge rn plzzz omg

15.09

(nie zwracajmy uwagi na obrzydliwą jakość tego zdjecia XD)

warzywa na patelnie 450g - 225kcal monster różowy 0 sugar - 12kcal

zjedzone - 237kcal spalone - 558kcal bilans - -318kcal