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ink-beneath-her-fingernails · 1 year

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something like a hunger pang

read it on ao3 | masterlist

Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender

TW: major character death, mind control, brainwashing, unreliable narrator, doubting of one's own thoughts, memory loss, drowning, references to self-harm (in the form of scratching, biting, picking, etc.) please let me know if there are any other warnings that should be added.

Wordcount: 1,364

Originally Published: November 28, 2022

Summary: Your name does not matter.

You are a faceless grin, one of hundreds, of thousands.

This city makes your skin crawl because it is your home.

You know the lines that have been given to you, know what to expect without having to read the script, because it has been so handily carved into your brain for you.

(Or: Joo Dee, in the beginning, the middle, and the end.)

Notes: this started out as time loop joo dee but then it kind of took off in a different direction bc I felt bad for her but also wanted to be a lot meaner to her. title is from the quote: “It was a fairy tale, no fooling. It was unreality becoming real. This frightened her. Because people don't care for unreality becoming real. It pricks their well-fed minds, you see, with something like a hunger pang. They prefer the logical stuffiness of expectancy. It is only at certain times that they weaken, letting imagination in. That's the time to get them. (“The Disinheritors”)” ― Richard Matheson, Collected Stories, Vol. 1

Transfer Notes: n/a

i. Your name does not matter.

You are a faceless grin, one of hundreds, of thousands. This city makes your skin crawl because it is your home.

You know the lines that have been given to you, know what to expect without having to read the script, because it has been so handily carved into your brain for you.

The group of children do not look like much, you think.

You are used to a certain degree of finery from those you guide; silk and ivory, precious metals and delicately carved ornaments fashioned into buttons, hair decorations, jewelry, an air of self-importance, people who wear more on their body in one day than anyone in the entire Lower Ring makes in a month, and flaunt it carelessly.

These children are... plain.

Most of their clothes are unlike anything you've ever seen, vibrant colors so unlike the shades of green and brown and cream favored by your nation that even as bedraggled as they are, they stand out from the crowd like a sore thumb. They're dirty, too—tunics ripped and repaired with an amateur hand in more than one place, fabric frayed around the edges, covered in light stains and what seems like a permanent layer of dirt and grime that's become one with the material.

They walk with hands splayed carelessly at their sides, backs slouching with less-than-proper posture, and don't bother to so much as respond to your greeting as proper manners and tradition dictate.

Of course, it's nothing you wouldn't see anywhere you looked in the Lower Ring, and even a few places in the Middle Ring, but that's never been the sort of crowd you catered to.

You can't figure out why you're doing it now.

But then, it's not your business to do that. These children are guests, because you're guiding them, and they're important, because you've been told so, and they'll follow the rules of the city just as anyone else does, or you'll all be in trouble.

You keep all of your observations to yourself—you are not employed to think, you are employed to corral, to obey, to survive.

You introduce yourself.

Your name does not matter.

Your name is Joo Dee.

ii. Your guests wish to talk to the Earth King.

That is not a request to be taken lightly, nor is it one that will be granted quickly.

They have information they need to tell him about the war, though, and that sounds important—there is no war in Ba Sing Se, after all, and you're supposed to keep it that way, aren't you?

The request for an audience is registered. They can see the King in six months.

You frown when you hear this — or, you might, you try to, you think, but it's hard to do when you can't stop smiling. You're not supposed to be sad, either, because your life here is wonderful.

You smile a little harder when you remember this.

But your guests are not going to take kindly to this news, you can tell, and it's your job to keep them happy, keep them in line.

Besides, they say they have important information.

There is no war in Ba Sing Se, and that's the way it should be.

If anyone can make sure it stays that way, it's the Earth King.

It's a risky endeavor, but a fruitful one, you're sure.

You ask your friend in the Palace Administration to help you out.

You don't remember having a friend in Palace Administration, but you must, because you just asked them.

You don't remember meeting them, either, but that, at least, makes sense.

After all, you've known each other your whole lives, you've just remembered.

"Six months," you say. "That's an awful long time."

"Yes, well," she smiles, and like all your smiles, it does not reach her eyes. "The Earth King is a very busy man."

Her hair is so, so black, and her eyes are so, so green. You think it's a wonder that you'd never noticed before.

She tilts her head at your half-a-second too-long silence and you spend another precious, ill-advised moment staring at the way the inky curtains part, draping elegantly over her shoulders.

You wonder what it would be like to run your fingers through it.

You wonder why you never have before, if you've known her all your life.

You wonder why this is an appropriate train of thought at all, why it feels terrifying, and why it feels like it shouldn't be.

(You wonder when the last time was that you allowed yourself so long to think about something—unscripted.)

(You can't remember.)

Something about her face makes it look like she kind of wants to frown, too, but instead her lips tug up at the corners. (You swallow the sudden, inexplicable urge to wipe the not-frown from her face, to ease the sharp angle of her smile that you know from experience is too-much-not-enough.)

The slight motion is enough to remind you of yourself—to think, that you allowed such a slip. You can only hope she won't tell anyone that might take issue with it.

(You wonder why you worry so about a life-long friend betraying you. You can't remember her ever doing such a thing before. Then, you can't remember her, before.)

"Surely for his honored guests, he can make an exception? Just this once, of course. Call it a reprieve from the monotony of his usual audiences. The Avatar is eager to meet his most glorious host."

Her smile narrows, fewer teeth and more pursed lips.

"I suppose... he may be free for an audience for such esteemed guests in... seven weeks, shall we say. Just this once, you understand."

"But of course."

It's kind of funny, you think—her name is Joo Dee, too.

iii. “Joo Dee? Where have you been?”

“Not to worry. I had a lovely trip to Lake Laogi,” you smile a bit wider to emphasize your happiness.

Your face hurts. You must not have been smiling enough, at the Lake, but it’s hard to remember.

Your fingers tremble, and when you see the Beifong girl furrowing her brows, you clench your hands together tightly inside your sleeves in an effort to get them to stay still.

They sting, just a little; you can feel where they've been picked and scratched and bit at, where you can still feel nails digging into your flesh even days later.

Your hands always hurt after your trips to Lake Laogi. You’re not sure why.

iv. You see—you see.

The light is soft and green, green like plants, green like jade, green like your entire dying nation, and then there is blue, blue like your guests' clothes, blue like water from the fountains in the Upper Ring, blue like the sky you will never see again.

Blue like the ocean itself is choking the life from your lungs.

There is so much blue, so much blue it looks black, like curtains of ink you can't remember fully, and green where the light touches, and your clothes are wet, and this would be a great time for you to suddenly remember that you've known how to swim all along, but you don't, and the black keeps getting taller, coming from everywhere all at once. The ground is rumbling, the earth is splitting, you will die here.

You look at your friends, your co-workers, the only people you've ever known, the people you've never seen before in your life, and know with a certainty you have never felt before that this blueblackgreen will entomb you all, and nobody else will ever know.

The black rises above your head, and your feet grow tired of treading water, so you let it.

The water surrounds you. It's like nothing you've ever felt before, like freedom, like death, like your head is being split open from the inside out.

It's so, so blue, and the green touches so little, so little and so blue that it all looks black, and you can see nothing.

You can see nothing.

You smile, because your name is Joo Dee, and it does not matter.

#major character death #mind control tw #unreliable narrator tw #brainwashing tw #tw drowning #tw self harm #memory loss tw #doubting thoughts tw #?#ask to tag #avatar the last airbender fanfiction #joo dee #avatar the last airbender #atla #something like a hunger pang #transfer tuesday

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arabriddler · 3 months

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I have a heart that never beats, I have a home but never sleep. I take one man’s house and build another’s. I play games with my many brothers. I am a king among fools. Who am I?

Point D’Amour by @dragonssecretarthoard

#riddlebird #nygmobblepot #Edward nygma #the riddler #oswald cobblepot #the penguin #tw blood #tw gore #bee's art #Fun fact I had so many doubts about Philophobia and sometimes cried about it because I thought it sucked so bad so like it’s still jarring #To me that people loved it so much they’re making stuff for it like a fic! That’s insane /pos thank you so much

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beanghostprincess · 4 months

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Sabo still struggles with memory loss. He had his childhood back, of course, he remembers Ace and Luffy and everything they did together. But he doesn't remember some stuff. Some anecdotes Luffy tells oh so excitedly? He can't recall that those happened. And if he does, it's all blurry and never at all like Luffy says. But he never says anything because that would break his brother's heart, to know his older brother isn't fully back with him, so he nods and smiles and pretends he knows what Luffy is talking about every time.

His room is filled with Post-it notes. Stupid, really. Dumb stuff. But he has all the meetings he needs to remember and the missions he has to do, along with everything he wants to write down at some point properly. The walls are covered in pictures of the people he loves (Luffy, Ace, Koala, Robin... All the others that have ever meant something to him because he refuses to forget somebody again).

He keeps writing dumb stuff down. Anything. He refuses to forget. He denies the possibility of doing it again.

But he forgets. Sabo keeps forgetting important dates. Important parts of his life, like his past with his brothers (he forgets a random adventure they had that he swore he had talked about the day prior) and crucial things he has to do. He has a hard time picturing his memories. Putting them in his brain. Turning them into images. Saying it's frustrating is a huge understatement.

Koala helps him out, of course. She's hard on him so he finishes his paperwork, but she knows it's difficult sometimes. She's his personal calendar and diary. She informs him of what he has to do during the week and always tries to talk and talk about anecdotes that she knows he still remembers but knows he loves to hear again.

His mental health isn't the best either, but he refuses to acknowledge it. There's a revolution at hand, he can't stop working. And fighting. And doing more and more and more. But sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes he goes into depressive episodes he can't control, and the medication is either addicting or the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Sometimes he's a bit too intense. Koala says he needs to calm down, that he has a problem with his fixation on the revolution and his past. Sabo keeps saying that it's fine. But he sometimes forgets or has blurry images of the fights and the people he has killed, filled with energy and excitement and like he has the power of a God. He doesn't like those. Enjoys the moment. Hates to forget it. Hates to know what he did during it too, even if it was for a good cause. Despises the look Koala gives him, also. Makes her promise not to tell Luffy about all of this.

But it's fine, he keeps saying. Sabo will keep trying to never forget anything ever again.

#hello i am very sad #i struggle with memory loss because of depression and shit and i thought wow yOU KNOW WHO ELSE STRUGGLES WITH MEMORY LOSS???#this post is kind of like 'guess the disorder' type of thing #it's bipolar disorder btw i just didn't get too much into it #i mean i think sabo is bipolar that's a personal headcanon of mine #which btw the only info i know about it is deep research and two years of psychology in high school #something something i wanted to know if i was bipolar bc i haven't gone to therapy in........... uh.... a while. but i highly doubt it #now i just have a lot of info #anywayyy got real dark real quickly right #sabo i love you i don't want to hurt you but you're just so angst material #one piece #revolutionary sabo #koala one piece #asl brothers #monkey d. luffy #tw mental instability #tw depression #tw medication

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suburbanlegnd · 6 months

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the sexual tension between me and relapse

#venting in the tags so be careful #being bipolar and bpd at the same time feels like the worst nightmare #the slightest inconvenience will send me into a fucking spiral #people have always been telling me either to “cheer up” or “go to a mental hospital because I'm fucked in the head”#i perfectly know I'm incapable and unworthy of love #I'm starting to doubt if I'm able to love the right way at all #but I'm so sick of toxic positivity #not everything's going to be alright #sometimes bad things happen #and not everyone is supposed to be cheerful and grateful all the fucking time #it's just so tiring and exhausting #they really dont realize how much toxic positivity is damaging and so naive #tw depressing thoughts #idk how to tag this lol #rambles #actually bpd #bpd vent

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oh-katsuki · 1 year

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cal how do we feel about priest kink. i want to ruin a holy man

LOVE priest kink. love love love LOVE PRIEST KINK.

cw: sacrilege, priest!choso (idk where choso came from but he as rattling around in there), corruption, loss of virginity, they fuck in the church, mentions of masturbation

i think about this and choso, who has only just started preaching to the congregation at 24. he’s still learning from the old pastor and his liturgies are still choppy and awkward, but he’s getting there. and he’s SO devoted in his practice.

he wakes up early to study the Bible, he stays after mass to take questions from the congregation and offer guidance, and he’s quickly becoming a pillar in your small community. there’s nothing that could shake his faith, that is, until you arrive in the church one rainy evening.

you’re soaked to the bone, looking like you’ve been standing outside with no umbrella for hours. you make eye contact with him, walk to the confessional, and step inside. choso finds you there, sitting down in the box adjacent and asking what your trouble is.

“my life has spiraled out of control,” you say, sniffling. “help me, father.”

he tells you to say the hail mary five times and repent and you listen.

you start to come by the church regularly, never attending service but always coming to visit with the new young priest. he senses that the church sets you at ease, that it takes a weight off of your shoulders. at first he thanks god for it. he thanks the lord for shining his light on upon you. then, as you spend more and more time alone with him in the church, he starts to grow greedy. choso starts to want to believe that he’s the reason you seem so relaxed, that being around him is the reason you seem to glow. it’s not the lord, but choso.

these feelings begin to spiral in him. desire and temptation come to a muddled head whenever he feels your thigh press up against his through the smock. choso finds out what it feels like to work silver magic between his fingers to the thought of you, locked away in his room beside a burning candle of the lord. there’s no greater release than the one he has when you’re on the mind. choso finds that even prayer offers little in comparison to the rewards of your body.

eventually, he’s giving in. choso succumbs to temptation in the empty hall of the church, behind the altar where you’d found him hunched over his desk. choso takes you there, in the holy house of god, and soils himself between your legs. his devotion to the lord pales in comparison to the admiration he feels when he buried himself inside of you, bunching his fingers in the meat of your hips and chanting your name like a prayer.

choso breaks his vow in front of the very eyes of god and then, he kneels between your legs and mutters a hail mary with his tongue pressed flat to your clit.

#[ 🏩 – chatting ]#choso x reader #tw: sacrilege #tw: corruption #[ ☎️ – frequent callers ]#I hope ur a choso appreciator mint #I don’t know where he came from when I was thinking g abt priests #but he was in there and I think it fits #but I also thought heavy abt nanami in a similar predicament #except nanamis been having doubts #and meeting you heightens them until he’s pulling up his priests smock and fucking you in the pews #moans.

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theshoesofatiredman · 7 months

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I'm revisiting a part of The High School Survival Guide: Making the Most of the Best Time of Your Life (so far) by Adam Palmer. It's a Christian book despite the fact that the title makes it seem totally areligious, and I read parts of it when I was in high school. It was the first time I ever read about being gay in a book. I found a free version online and while I didn't think the Bible could shock me anymore my mouth dropped open at this:

Apparently the MSG version of this passage really says the quiet part out loud. Gay people aren't even human / lose the knowledge of how to be human. Not sure how that works. There's such a dissonance between the tone of this verse and the tone of the text in the book too.

GEE I WONDER WHY??? How strange that Christians, who believe their sacred text claims that homosexual acts strip people of God, love, and their humanity, view homosexuality as 'icky' and 'gross.' In fact, I would think they'd think much worse in that scenario and treat gay people far worse. In fact, it kinda seems like you're downplaying the absolutely brutal treatment and systemic discrimination of gay people that was carried out in the name of Jesus.

And all of this is being aimed at (presumably Christian) teenagers who think they might be gay. There's no real advice here other than to surrender to god and to seek accountability.

I was keenly aware as a gay Christian that I was at the center of a culture war I did not want to be a part of. People out beyond my religious community were fighting for an acceptance and celebration of homosexuality that I thought was harmful and sinful. People inside my religious community had all kinds of incorrect ideas about gay people and I didn't think there was much space for me to be "out of the closet" even if I stayed single, celibate, and god-fearing. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.

I didn't come out to anyone until after high school. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and the weight was still heavy. God did not make it easier, did not lift the burden of homosexuality from me. I had plenty of accountability in my life, constantly watched by helicopter parents with Internet filters, confessing sin regularly in men's groups (both before and after I started to tell people I 'struggled with same-sex attraction). 'Accountability' only served to intensify my shame.

The only time things got easier was when I started to take God out of the equation, when I started to see my sexuality as a part of myself to embrace rather than excise. Christians will drone on and on about how Christ sets people free from their sins. In my experience, to be free of my sin I had to first be free of Christ.

#I thought this book was when I encountered the “actually gay people just have a bad relationship with their same sex parents” argument but #turns out that's not the case #which is not helpful for the other thing I was writing but now im making this post #this book is so crazy too like it really neatly packages the evangelical worldview and aims it at high schoolers #Rereading it is eerie cause it's presenting stuff that's nearly exactly what I believed as a Christian #but it's not like my entire worldview came from this book #I don't remember even reading this book all the way through and I doubt I did #it's just very good at bottling up the theological waters in which I as swimming and serving it to in its simplest form #exvangelical #tw: homophobia #cw: homophobia #homophobia #ex christian #ex fundamentalist #ex fundie #ex religious #apostate #gay exvangelical #religious trauma #shoesofatiredman

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bugflies00 · 2 months

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like going “hey guys see those lyrics about hating yourself and being a bad person? well since that guy actually turned out to be a bad person you shouldve known” Is Not The Take You Think It Is. purely for the reason that so many people who are mentally ill and/or struggle with self loathing RELATED to that. but unlike him they were not ACTUALLY the bad person being described. i dont know if im being coherent but like. ive seen takes that are essentially implying “hey look at those lyrics that were so relatable to so many people because of mental illness? yeah anyone with a BRAIN couldve seen a bad person wrote that like who ELSE than pieces of shit would relate to that lol”. same goes for his character. people can struggle with mental illness and hate themselves and ALSO be horrible abusive pieces of shit. but do not equate the two or act like we shouldve KNOWN the former because of the latter. that has horrible implications think before you speak idk

#alex.rambles.txt #tw abuse #tw SA #cc!wilbur #mcyt #ask to tag #people pissing me the fuck off #telling so many people who related to lyrics + a character about hating yourself and seeing yourself as the -#- scum of the earth that essentially they shouldve known Because those thoughts were expressed #its just so fucked up just be fucking normal for a second #im glad you never felt close to his music but christ so many people did and they felt SEEN #and it SUCKS when you hate yourself and you constantly fear being a bad person to see someone-#- who reflected those feelings Actually Be A Horrible Person. ive seen friends doubt whether they were themselves-#- horrible bc the person who wrote lyrics that spoke to them so much Was In Fact Horrible

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cowardlybean · 6 months

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Hey. The Times They Are A Changin’ by @bandtrees and @tigsbitties amiright (muffled face down on the floor)

more (some unsettling things) beneath the cut :3

(Image 3 is my favorite sequence from an animation for TTTAAAC I’ve been working on, so here it is just in case I never finish </3, image 4 is me thinking about Mob’s house. If. That makes sense.)

OH MAN. OH MAN OH MAN. this fic has altered my brain chemistry in a way that has doctors baffled and leaves tragedy in its wake!!!!!!!!! Absolutely a masterpiece I’ve reread it 3 times now and every time I notice a new detail, there’s just SO MUCH CARE put into it. I think I could write an essay about every page of this fic LMAO it honestly blows me away, huge kudos to everyone who was a part of the project!!!!

Especially the multimedia aspects, they were so much fun to find and in some cases decode (Scared the SHIT outta myself with Breathe I think it’s one of my favorites). the youtube videos were so cool as well

Realizing a third of the way in that things will never get better was such a gut wrenching experience, and by the time I realized just how deep the hole Mob dug himself into was it was absolutely too late for anything to happen (the end of act 1 was horrific in the most amazing way. So many things stuck with me: the state Reigen was left in compared to how he was, Ritsu’s “surgery”, Dimple losing his best friend, Shou’s report to the police, Minori’s conversation (if you can call it that) with Mob?? Bone. Chilling.

One of the parts that has been sitting in my gut is Reigen’s fall, where he starts to ramble through fragments of old times. I genuinely thought he was calling out to Mob until just as the same time Mob did I recognized the words and it hit me like a HAMMER. I don’t know how to put it into words but Reigen rambling on like a broken record tore me apart, and then it gets WORSE. I only realized on my second read that the intro of the fic. (Correct me if I’m wrong) IS REIGENS PERSPECTIVE OF MOB SEVERING HIS TENDONS???? Holy fuck. Holy FUCK. The vague semblance of consciousness written there is so deeply unsettling I’m absolutely OBSESSED with it. ESPECIALLY THE FACT THAT EVEN IN THAT STATE HE STILL WANTS MOB TO BE HAPPY (the cheer ^^ mob bit) and idk if I’m interpreting right (this is gonna be so embarrassing if I’m not) but him recognizing the filthy jacket as well. Taking me OUT. AND. AND THE FACT REIGEN NEVER SPEAKS AGAIN AFTER THAT?????? (I could be wrong oops)

The mental states of every character in the fic are written so chillingly well. I can understand how Mob spirals, the anger and grief Tome feels, Shou's spite and anger, Teruki's conflict, Dimple's loss of his best friend, Serizawa's waning optimism, I can't name every character in this fic but they are ALL characterized so well. There's no needless conflict that make them OOC, there's a reason behind every little tragedy building upon themselves and creating a giant disaster that deeply affects the entire cast. Not to mention how its not just the loss of Reigen and Ritsu, but the loss of Mob too. If they were to have died on impact, its unsettling to think that things may have turned out better than this.

There’s a lot of things I wanna say that would basically be restating the fic (dimple losing his best friend, teru shaving, and the irony of ritsu’s powers being taken away by mob) so instead of writing 20 more paragraphs I’ll ask some questions I’ve been mulling over (ofc yall don’t have to answer if it’s revealing too much or smth)

Does Mob actually end up getting investigated or arrested? The formatting of the social media posts and texts makes them seem as if they're evidence and so does the ongoing "interview?" with Shou throughout the fic

In the party, is Reigen saying he doesn't like citrus a reference to the lemon sour :eyes:

I'm probably missing something but im curious about the metaphor around Reigen and a stray cat (hair clinging to Mob's clothes, comparing him to a stray cat finding a place to die, comparing him to a cat outside Serizawa's door)

If I'm not wrong and the "glitchy" sections at the beginning and end of the fic are Reigen and Ritsu's povs respectively, is their mind constantly like that or is it just in the specific circumstances where they have a small burst of consciousness?

last (thats a lie im definitely drawing more fanart in the future) but not least, some notes from when I was re-reading

#sorry for hiding literally everything below the cut i dont wanna jumpscare people #BUT ANWAY.#holy fuck. a masterpiece.#literally tried drawing vase scene (as ive dubbed it for convenience lmao) 3 times its SO HARD to get right #i doubt i was able to truly do this fic justice its so amazing #mp100 #tw blood #tw body horror #(not really but the animation is close enough)#TTTAAAC #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #ritsu kageyama #reigen arataka #teruki hanazawa #dimple mp100 #so many thoughts about this fic #sorry for my damn essay oh my god #< biggest TTTAAAC fan

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magicdonuts-supreme · 2 years

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TW: intrusive thoughts. self-hate and -doubt. insecurity.

—- + -—

I’ve always seen countless F/O imagines with a repeated (and correct) theme of “Your F/O loves you.” Let’s make it known that I appreciate that, I really do, but…

What happens the moment the Voices in your head ask “Why?”

“You don’t even know my F/O! I doubt they’d love me. And even in the slim chance they did, I don’t see a reason why they’d love this half-human screw up—”

Stop.

Breathe.

I assure you that your F/O doesn’t care if this is the 9,999th time you come to them, they'll always be there because you make their life brighter just by being. Try to exist— right here, right now— for a minute or two and whittle those voices away to the best of your ability (and don’t worry if the best you can do is “nothing”). Your F/O can see how hard you’re trying, but they aren’t with you because they think you can move mountains; they yearn to share their life with you because you’re you. Dear reader, there is simply no other reason.

Your F/O won’t think twice about your trauma, whether it comes from a horror-like past or because you stared passive-aggressively at a dog the other day and feel guilty about it. They just know it affects you and they won’t hesitate to comfort (and spoil) you like there’s no tomorrow. Your F/O doesn’t care if you feel like you’re going through Hell everyday and “whine about it too much” or are “too clingy”, they’re your safe space. They’re perfectly content knowing that when you falter, they’ll be there to catch their beloved and give you a place to rest your head, if only for a minute.

Your F/O sees you in a way you can’t imagine. They accept every magnificent part of you that you call a flaw, thanking whatever celestial force they believe in that they have the pleasure of knowing you. Those Voices inside your head are lying, and just the idea of them being right is something your F/O could never fathom, but they’ll more than happily rush to prove to you how wrong the Voices are.

Your F/O has no wish to stop sweeping those incorrect thoughts away, so please let them. They full-heartedly know they’re doing important work.

#if I see someone insulting themselves in the replies or smth I swear their F/Os will burst through the wall through sheer force of will #anyway yeah coming from an author with intrusive thoughts #I’ve never found an F/O post that centers on that “why?”#whenever my mind is being really loud I just. lay down and cry X’D #I don’t want anyone else to have to feel that tho #so I wrote #imagine your comfort character #imagine your f/o #f/o prompts #f/o x s/i #romantic f/o #self shipping #tw intrusive thoughts #tw selfhate #tw self doubt #my writing

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stacyl1112 · 2 years

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Why is it so hard to let myself believe that I deserve happiness

#sadgirl #depressing quotes #heartache #i hate everything #sad thoughts #heartbreak #heaven knows i'm miserable now #mentally unstable #deep #holding it in #its stuck in my head #in my head #tw selfhate #shadow of a doubt

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baejax-the-great · 2 months

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The thing about the Boeing whistleblower is that the Boeing as a company has already demonstrated repeatedly that they value stock price over human life, so murdering a former employee seems in keeping with past behavior, whereas the former employee in his whistleblowing has shown a concern for human life, and thus seems less likely to end his own.

#suicide tw #I also just feel like....#we're at this time in human history where companies murdering people #seems likeyeah that's probably what happened #I honestly don't know if it was because I was a kid in the 90s #or if general sentiment has shifted #that seeing that headline and going oh wow boeing totally assassinated that dude #was just a reflex #like idk maybe if I was in my 30s in the 90s I would have had the same thought had it happened then #but I kind of doubt it #i dunno should go ask someone who is older than I am #but the boomers I know think I'm a cynic for thoughts like these

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black-eco-sage · 10 months

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WIP - "The Price"

In another reality, Torn goes to save their friends from the Baron's Prison himself...but may be too late save the one closest to his heart.

'

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treehuggerthegreat · 23 days

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whump inspiration/writing exercise

(A fictional writing exercise, this is NOT a vent post. This is me messing with my ocs)

TW: In depth description of depressive thoughts self doubt, domestic abuse, and passive suicidal ideation

I have friends now, I told myself once I had friends they’d be able to help me. I could get away or at least feel a little happier, but they can’t help. I can’t even ask them for help. Would they even care? What if I end up scaring away the one girl who has ever seen me. Why won’t anyone help me. Am I even worth saving? Is it even worth saving me if i can’t save myself?

I want to leave. I want to move out. But i can’t, can I? She could just… leave. But she doesn’t. She could leave me here with grandma. Yet she continues to suffocate me. There’s not enough from for me here anymore. What does she want?

Why does she hate me so much?

what did I

ever

do

to

deserve

this

Do I deserve this?

What if i just

let her

kill

me

Would any of my friends miss me?

But why would a friend miss a girl

when her own mother hated her enough

To

To kill her

…

would she really do that?

Would she kill me?

7 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 1 year

Note

In light of the latest episode, why is Rooster Teeth so afraid of using the word "suicide" for its trigger warnings?

I honestly have no idea, anon. Especially since these were the same themes as last episode? The only thing I can think of is that they want to avoid spoilers (which, you know, isn't a good reason, but) and thus kept things vague. But Episode 7 already introduced the theme, so no one is going to be surprised that it continues into Episode 8. Given that we had the actual act this week, the show definitely needed a proper warning...

#rwde #rwby #mymetas #suicide tw #hmm #something else I just thought of #maybe they legitimately don't consider these suicidal themes?#considering that they're pushing for a 'it's just reincarnation!' message?#certainly that kind of warning would undermine #what the girls were trying to convince Jaune of last episode #but as I brought up in another post #I doubt the group will react well to RUBY doing this #which itself messes with the 'This is fine :))' tone #so why not just commit and do right by your audience?#if it walks and talks and dies like a duck...

40 notes · View notes

omegathetaone · 1 year

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Personal Userboxes

Hey there! It's been a hot minute and I've done a deeper dive into my thoughts and whatnot, and now that I've got a more solid idea of myself and our system. These are a few userboxes that I've made for clarification and so that others can use them too if they like them!

Likes/Reblogs/Credit would be amazing if you use any of these!

[If any of these resemble other userboxes, I apologize! I am not trying to copy other's work in any way!!]

-Jasper {They/He}