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lumoverheaven · 10 months

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The Man That I Love

Joel Miller x fem!Reader

A/N: Yeah idk what hit me but I wanted to be angsty today (sorry) :) btw this story was made with both game and show Joel in mind! As always constructive criticism is welcome! Enjoy! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! 🫶🫶💗💗

Warnings: none

W/c: 771

Part 2

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Joel Miller. The man of your dreams. You loved him more than anything. You waited till it was safe, till you all were okay. You pulled him to the side and expressed how you felt towards him. He stared at you, his expression unreadable. You began to panic, your heart dropping to your stomach. This whole time you thought that maybe there was something there- the prolonged eye contact, the way he made sure you were always beside him, the way he put your needs before his.. was there really nothing there? He didn’t even need to speak to know the answer. You simply left, turned around and went up to your room. Laying in your bed you stared at the ceiling playing multiple scenarios in your head. Ones where he yelled at you, called you a “stupid girl” for falling for him. Ones where he embraced you let you down easy. Ones where he felt the same and returned your feelings with a kiss. There truly was no love in the apocalypse. You did not descend from your room, skipping out on dinner and breakfast. You heard his heavy boots trail around the house but you tried to ignore it all, avoid your feelings. You felt like an empty shell of your former self. How did you become so dependent on a man? How did you let yourself get so attached to him to the point where even just the possibility of him loving another makes it so difficult to breathe? A couple days pass and you wait for Joel to leave the house before you make your way downstairs, getting a quick bite to eat before you leave the house. Only for a while- just to clear your mind. You spend hours God knows where simply thinking. Alone with your thoughts. You don’t know how you’ll recover from this.. if you’ll ever recover from this.. all you know he’s the love of your life, the man of your dreams. He’s the one you dream about, the one you long to be with. Looking off into the distance, a thousand-yard stare; you don’t hear someone approaching. Whatever it was you let it come, anything even death was better than being in a state of perpetual heart ache. The familiar gruff man takes a seat next to you, he looks the same direction you are. You know he’s here to reject you. You don’t even bother looking at him, your face void of any emotions. Joel breathes out and looks down at your hands that can be found on your lap. He hesitantly grabs your right hand and holds it in his. You’re unsure of what to make of this. Was he toying with you? You don’t know what to think, how to react. You just stay quiet and brace yourself.

“You left before I had a chance to respond.” Joel says quietly as if he was afraid of scaring you off. You remain silent and Joel takes this as his cue to continue. “Missed you.. y’know ‘round the house ‘n all..” he clears his throat. “Ellie misses you.. I miss you..” he’s facing you now, hoping you will do the same, he needs to see your face. He needs to look into your eyes. You don’t oblige, face and gaze unchanging, unfazed. In a small yet sharp tone you ask “do you feel the same?” He lets out a small chuckle, looking forward again. “It’s.. complicated.. I don’t.. I..” Joel struggled to find the right words to say, he knows what he wants.. he wants you.. but you don’t know that, you probably never will. Taking his scattered response as confirmation of your worst fears. You stand up, snatching your hand away from him, and walk away. Joel watches you leave, he wants to chase after you, wants to tell you he feels the same, but something in him doesn’t let him. He just lets you walk off back to the house, thinking he didn’t love you. After a few hours of contemplating he returns home. He needed to tell you, his mind was made up. When he returns he knocks on your door. No response. Fair. He knocks again, calling out your name. Growing inpatient he opens it, finding an empty room. His heart dropping to his ass as his eyes go wide. Your closet is empty, your pack is gone, any trace of you is no longer present— it’s almost as if you never existed. No.. he couldn’t believe you left.. he couldn’t believe he let you.. he couldn’t believe he made you think your love was unrequited.

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#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x plus size reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal x reader

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abyssruler · 2 years

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navigation ― ✧

✧ masterlist ✧ rules ✧ tags ✧ characters i write for ✧ my ao3 ✧ reading blog ✧

✧ this side blog will contain sfw and not sfw works so keep that in mind!

✧ my asks are always open for general requests, thirsts, brainrots, headcanons, or ideas you’d like to share!

✧ fandoms i write for: basically anything i know, though mostly genshin

✧ about requests: you can send in some but i can’t always guarantee i’ll be able to do it!

✧ recent works:

a dummy’s guide to dating your crush, by lyney - lyney

fan alhaitham - alhaitham

furina’s guide on the art of matchmaking - neuvillette

✧ series:

the adepti’s guide

kunikuzushi, let down your hair!

✧ events:

5 sundays of kinktober

✧ note: i literally love everyone who reblogs my works with comments or even just screaming into the void. give me all you got. spam me, yell at me, keyboard smash in the tags and comments and asks - don’t be a coward!

#navigation

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aemonds-little-belle · 1 year

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Feelings sold Separately

CHAPTER SEVEN (THE HUG)

Modern!Aemond Targaryen x Reader

TAGS - (REPOSED FROM AO3)

Alternate Universe - Sugar DaddySugar BabySugar Baby AUAUokay this is a whole ass story that's just one long ass brain fartliterally i am just coming up with this on the spotlow key really love it thoughSugar Baby/Sugar Daddyobviouslytalks of class issuesaemonds been hurt in the pasti think there will be some sexy stuff eventuallywait fuck i didn't mention this is a modern!aumodern!AUAlternate Universe - Modern Setting<3Aemond "One-Eye" Targaryen is Bad at Feelingsstop that was recommended but so accurateI don't know how to do tagsI'm SorryI promise it's goodAnd no one diesand it's just so classically a sugar baby/ sugar daddy au it hurtsreader works at a cafe ... obviouslythis will follow a similar storyline to the show just modern and also not at allFamily Issueswait probably dom/sub vibes tooDom/subLight Dom/subclearly i don't know where this is going yetmy readers are always written fat because i am fatso keep that in mindSlow Burnit's so slowbut I think it's greatlike genuinely two idiots in lovebut they take soooo long to noticeUghI love fanfiction

PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO REBLOG + + + + + +

Aemond stormed out of the mall, the heavy doors pushed open as if they weighed nothing, his heart pounding as he looked down at his phone again. “Aemond?” Y/n’s voice quietly called out, Aemond turned, seeing her sat on a small concrete wall, her eyes watery, a few tear stains adoring her cheeks. He froze, ‘she’s still here’, she hadn’t even left the parking lot, let alone the city, his heart racing for, suddenly, no reason at all. She stood up, rushing over to him, immediately linking her arms around his waist, her head hitting his chest with a small ‘umph.’, tears falling down her cheeks again. “I’m sorry! I shouldn't have run off, I just, I couldn’t find you, and I panicked.” She cried, pure terror running through her veins, her chest heaving slightly.

Aemond finally unfroze, a large puff of air leaving his lungs as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders,one hand cradling the back of her head, his own shaking slightly. “I shouldn’t have left you.” He admitted, un-embracing her, both of his hands now clasping her face, her cheeks smushed slightly, his thumbs wiping away a few tears, her arms still clasped around his waist as her chin rested on his chest. “But.” His voice lowered slightly, his eye hardening, his mind finally clearing, the chaos of her disappearing now gone. “You don’t leave like that.” Y/n nodded her head as best as possible, her lip still wobbling slightly. “If you can’t find me, you call me, if you can’t find your phone, you yell.” Though the idea sounded a little silly, he showed no backing down, just pure seriousness lacing his words. “Got that?”

“Yes, Aemond, I promise.” She would have given him her life if he asked, his touch quieting her mind, all bad thoughts gone, all worry washed away. “I’ll scream next time, I promise.” Aemond chuckled as he looked down at her, her words slightly muffled because of how close to him she was, and the fact that he wouldn’t relent his squish of her cheeks, her face too cute. Just as quickly as she had run into his arms, she left them by taking a few steps back, her hands falling into one another to anxiously fiddle. Aemond hated the sudden lack of warmth, his waist flushed with cold air after her arms had been retracted, his multiple layers unable to replicate her soft touch. “Sorry, I shouldn't have … Sorry.” She slightly pouted, realizing her actions might have been unprofessional.

“I didn’t mind.” Aemond admitted, his face void of emotion, scared to show her just how much he enjoyed, ‘needed’, the hug. Y/n just nodded back, her eyes finding the ground rather than focusing on his eye. “What Nera said, Y/n, it isn’t ..” ‘She cut me off, me.’

“True, I know.” She nodded her head, as if she was reassuring herself again. “She, well, she said I wasn’t your type, but you said you’re trying something new so, I knew that already.” Her words were quiet, above a whisper, but still barely audible, as if she wasn’t ready to hear them herself. “And if you only dated people that looked one way I’d be a little worried.”Aemond chuckled, his hands clasping behind his back, pride swelling in his chest, she felt stable enough in their arrangement, trusted that he liked her, rightfully so, so much so she wasn’t going to stumble at a few mean words. “Was she one of your …”

“No.” Aemond felt himself stumble slightly, Y/n was a breath of fresh air, everything he had been missing, everything he ever wanted, he hated to talk about those who didn’t make him feel the same way she did.

“Oh.” To Y/n that didn’t make sense, she seemed to know an awful lot about how Aemond treated past sugar babies, but maybe she made it all up, or …

“She’s a friend of my last Sugar Baby.” He said the title so easily, Y/n taken aback, last night, all day today, she felt more like a friend, or a … She just felt normal, but she knew deep down what this was, and it seemed Aemond hadn’t lost sight of it like she had. “The arrangement didn’t end well, I just didn’t expect her to behave so immaturely. I shouldn’t have left you alone with her.” He said again, regret washing over him, though he didn’t say the words that made Y/n cry, he still felt responsible for her sadness.

“I like stickers.” Y/n blurted out, Aemond raising his eyebrow, confused as to where this random tidbit of information had come from. “I just, I mean we’re all immature sometimes.” She sighed, a little embarrassed. “Some people just hold onto the wrong childlike features.” She finally explained, shrugging her shoulders slightly, hoping she could mop up this mess of sudden rambling. “You couldn’t have known, Aemond, really it’s okay.” Her words were laced with genuine sympathy, her heart hurting as she saw the man she had grown so fond of crumble slightly, right in front of her.

“I’m supposed to protect you …” ‘She’s gained some sort of nerve.’ He thought as she cut him off again.

“I thought you were supposed to spoil me.” Y/n lightly sassed, not sure if he would allow it. Aemond’s head cleared, she clearly held no anger towards him, even trying to show him his own innocence in the situation. “You’ve bought me at least ten things today.” ‘Ten things you know about.’ “I’d say you’ve spoiled me, job done, case closed.” She had a shit eating grin on her face, the free attitude she had that morning back, just Y/n being herself.

Aemond on the other hand, as much as he thought it was cute, didn’t enjoy her continuing the argument, he enjoyed having the last word. “You’re right.” ‘That hurt to say.’ “I am supposed to spoil you.” Y/n smiled thinking she had won, got off with the sass problem free. “But you’re supposed to rely on me.” He took a few steps towards her, her eyes meeting his as he hummed. “Would you say you relied on me? Running away?” He asked, his tone hinted at a mock.

“I didn't have …”

“Mhmh.” He shook his head. “You ran away from the situation, little dragon, job not done, case back open.” Y/n held back a chuckle at his joke, he was too quick witted even for her, and how he said it without cracking a smile, she had no idea. “So while I go grab all your gifts.” It pained him to call them that, they were more necessities than anything, something he bought her because she needed them, something he had never gotten the opportunity to do, always buying luxury items for the hell of it, but now each item held a specific purpose, and had a reason behind it. “Why don’t you go and warm up the car?” He pulled out his car keys from his pocket, Y/n looking at him in confusion, thinking it was cute of him to think she had any idea of how his car worked. “This button to unlock, this one to warm it up.” He showed her two of the many buttons on the key fob, a chuckle rising in his chest as she took the information very seriously, nodding her head in agreement vigorously.

Y/n watched as the buildings flew by, greys and blacks, some greenery, mixing into a marble of shades as Aemond drove. “Thank you.” Y/n looked to him now, his suit jacket long gone, button up shirt sleeves rolled up, dragon tattoo back on display, a look Y/n enjoyed. “For everything, you really didn’t have to.” ‘Oh fuck.’ She realized her mistake too late, Aemond already chuckling, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face.

“Y/n if you keep breaking rules I’m going to have to start …” His voice fizzled out, unsure of what to say next, could he tell her he would ‘punish’ her, was that too harsh a word? Did he even have a way to do that? He couldn’t just cut her off money wise, she wasn’t money motivated, could he punish her by buying her a bunch of stuff? His mind began to swirl, not even aware that his unfinished sentence might have been noticed by Y/n.

“Technically there’s no written rules.” Y/n quipped back, completely unaware of Aemond’s current self-made demise. “So I didn’t break any rules.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“I told you this morning, say ‘thank you’ instead of telling me what to do, Hmm?” His tone hardened, he loved that Y/n had begun to break out of her shell, but the talking back was truly about to send him over the edge.

“Can you actually write down some rules?” Y/n asked, her head tilted slightly as she thought of the idea. “I know you told me what you want me to do in general, so I get those ones.” She added. “But smaller ones, like be thankful instead of telling you what to do, and the screaming one, I’d like to have a bit more guidance.” ‘You’re killing me Y/n.’

“And if I write these rules.” Aemond pulled off the highway, the car slowing, the outside becoming clearer again. “What’s going to happen if you break them?” Y/n looked stunned, yet inside her entire body was on fire, she was sure her pupils had dilated at least a tad bit, the exposed forearms, deep voice, Aemond’s overall demeanor really pushing all the right buttons suddenly. “You aren’t money motivated, I can’t just reduce your monthly payment, that might make you act up more.”

“I still think it’s too much, minimum wage for what? Just sitting here?”

“Mhm.” Aemond hummed, his smirk getting bigger. “See that right there?” He looked over at Y/n. “Usually, that would have cost you a thousand dollars.”

“Aemond, how much were you paying those girls?” Y/n chuckled, her eyes wide as saucers.

“Like I said, I could pay you a thousand dollars a minute, and it wouldn’t do a thing to my net worth.” Y/n sat stunned, yes he had said that before, but she was still, slightly, shocked, and impressed, that he actually meant it. Though she knew he was rich, she didn’t realize that he truly spent a lot of money on just people’s company alone. “So what would make you behave? Seriously, something that will work.” Y/n just stared at the road dumbfounded, genuinely unsure of what she would hate so much she would stop breaking the rules for fun. “Should I start calling you ‘Baby’ instead? Treat you like all the other girls before you?”

‘So I am different.’ “Aemond, that’s just mean.”

“Y/n.” He emphasized her name. “That’s the whole point of a punishment.” ‘Shit did I actually call it a punishment?’

Y/n huffed, leaning back in her seat, he was right after all, it would make her stop acting up just for fun. “You said you would take the money out of their pay right? When they did something wrong.” Y/n asked, her spark suddenly back.

“Yes, but that’s not going to work for you.”

“I know.” Y/n pouted, longing for an easy way out. “But what if instead of taking the money out of my pay when I break a rule you take it off a donation.” Y/n had a smile on her face. “You set a reasonable amount away for a charitable donation, and then every rule I break the number goes down.” She sounded like a mad scientist describing some new discovery she was proud of. “Then I’ll behave, because I’ll be saving the world.” Aemond hummed, a little resentful over the fact he hadn’t thought of that, he just wasn’t used to having a generous and thoughtful sugar baby. “Well, saving it with your money, and my good attitude.”

“And what is a ‘reasonable amount’ to you?” He asked, knowing he’d just double or triple it behind the scenes.

“Two thousand dollars?” Y/n closed one eye, unsure if she was asking for too much, Aemond chuckling because it was obnoxiously too little.

“Ten thousand, and you have a deal.”

“Aemond.” Y/n monotoned, unamused by his amount.

“Yes, little dragon?”

“That’s too much.”

“I thought you were trying to save the world?” He chuckled, enjoying how many times he has quoted herself back to her, a new hobby he quite enjoyed. “Should I make it twenty thousand because you’re talking back? Or do you think I know how to handle my own money?” ‘Gods I kind of like him when he’s mean’.

“I don’t know, you seem to spend a wasteful amount on women alone.” Y/n smirked, the shock wearing off.

“Y/n.” Aemond’s voice was once again deep, his eye hardened. “There’s a thousand dollars right there.”

“There are no written rules you can’t start yet!”

“Two Thousand.”

“Aemond!”

“Clearly this tactic is not working, Three thousand.” Aemond shook his head, a playful energy filling the car as Aemond pulled into a grocery store, the building much less fancy than the city they were just in, but much too expensive looking to be anywhere near Flea Bottom. Y/n looked at him in shock, half because he was being mean, the other half because she thought the store looked cool. “We can start when I give you all of the rules, and I’ll even let you have a few days to read them over.” ‘Sympathy, thank you, I missed that’ “Now are you ready to run your errand or would you like to drool a little more?”

“You’re really funny today.” Y/n chuckled.

“And you’re very playful.” He retorted. “Clearly we both have secret sides.”

#aemond targaryen x oc #prince aemond #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen #modern au #modern!aemond x reader #modern!aemond targaryen #aemond fanfiction #aemond x reader #sugar daddy!aemond targaryen #hotd aemond #house of the dragon #hotd #sb/sd!au #sugar baby!au

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that-bookworm-guy · 1 year

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Tumblr Newbies listen up:

First of all welcome, things are different here, and we won’t lie, it’s a mess but we also kinda love it.

1. Want to be popular or famous on here?? Move along, not gonna happen. Follower count aren’t shown to others here, nor is the following count. No one cares, and honestly it’s one of my favourite things about this site. Does a person have 10 or 10k followers?? Only they know. Following to unfollow later isn’t really a bit issue, there’s no reason to because no one knows how many followers you have.

2. Block, block and block. Blocking is seen as like a last resort or something big on other sites. Not here, block who you want when you want for whatever reason you want. It’s not a big thing.

3. Your dash is yours. Follow who you want and whatever you want. Unfollow whenever you want. Follow your likes and change however often you want.

4. Want to make a popular post?? Good luck my friend A popular post could be anything from useful information to someone going ‘I like salt’ to someone really random. Post what you wanna post when you wanna post without hope it’s gonna get noticed. Which leads me to my next point

5. It’s basically yelling into a void here Post whatever you want, it’s probably going to end up getting swallowed into the void with maybe the same 5 people here liking it. It’s basically just like yelling while in a crowd and 1 person might yell back, but that’s it.

6. Likes are cool, but it’s not what we’re really into. Likes are cool, but only you see what you like, unless you make it visible to others. Reblogs are basically sharing stuff to your profile and to someone else's dash so others see what you reblog. If you like something, reblog it. Like it is just basically saving it for you to look back at later. Comments are basically just a convo between you and the original poster. You can reblog with a reply, so the comment is public and others can reply to you. Notes are the overall amount of comments, likes, and reblogs. Aim for liking and then reblogging something

7. Tags are cool, but they are also for thoughts. so you can tag stuff with the basics #Photo #Art etc, but you can also #I really like this and once I saw something similar and it reminds me of that. Hashtags here can have spaces and can be quite long, but you can break it up with other hashtags for basic sentences

8. Find your people There is a fandom and blog for everything and I mean everything. You can always find a blog or someone who likes what you like. You just have to find them and search tags. I’ve only been involved in the book side (Booklr) and the study side (Studyblr) but there is always someone out there you can chat to

9. Just have fun We’re not really here for much else. There’s no pressure on tumblr, there’s no popular side, there’s no fight to be something you’re not. Just be yourself and enjoy what you can

10. This site is a mess Yeah, things stop working or they mess around, it’s part of the charm

Bonus:

A lot of the time there are inside jokes. I came across one this morning I had no idea what it meant. You can find tags or sometimes people explain. We want people in on the joke, if you know the joke and someone asks you, don’t be a snob about it. Let them in on it. It’s so much more fun and its amazing what people can do.

#tumblr #newbie #tumblr newbies #I think its important to share tips etc we have #especailly since twitter is a shit show thats sinking #but yeah dont expect a lot from tumblr #we are all kinda losers here and I love the losers that I follow

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whyismangososour · 1 year

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I’m gonna just let out this one last rant real quick before I just block JKR from my tags forever and hopefully never have to speak about this again. Because I’ve been holding in these feelings ever since I made this blog last year and it’s all just coming out in a fit of reblog rage after destroying my mental health for so long. Plus I know I’m just speaking into the void. I just- I need to get these feelings out.

Harry Potter was both the first fandom I was ever in and the first time I fell in love with storytelling. It’s also one of those special pieces of art that kept me alive when I was in the thick of my depression, being bullied relentlessly, and didn’t realize I was queer (with both my sexuality and gender). While I don’t want to spend money on Joanne anymore, she’s not going to fucking stop me from engaging with this story. I have my hand me down copies of the books my parents gave me when I was seven. I have my old merch I got as a gift when I was 12. I have my daydreams and my fanart and A Very Potter Musical and Wizard Rock. I’m not going to buy her dumb wizard game or watch her stupid HBO show. But I’m not going to let Joanne take away this thing I love without a fight. Without Harry Potter, I wouldn’t even be here alive, let alone on Tumblr. And I know I’m not the only one.

To bully people relentlessly for holding onto and reclaiming whatever parts of this story they can that, often, was there for them when no one else was, not only is lacking any nuance and critical thinking, but also is incredibly cruel and is clearly a projection onto others. Plus it’s so clearly driving a complete wedge between people, both in the LGBTQ+ community and those who are just allies. I know I’ve never felt more isolated than I have since Joanne started her tirade and brought on people’s clumsy boycotts.

And listen, I get it. I get it if you’re one of the victims of this systemic abuse Joanne’s caused and you just want to lash out. You want to do anything to stop her. So, you immediately block and shut down anyone who so much as mentions their Hogwarts house in their bio. Because, to you, supporting this story is supporting bigotry which is supporting these hate crimes and legislation. I get it. You don’t have to engage with people who still enjoy Harry Potter. But the depressing fact is that yelling at them to overcorrect and boycott everything that Joanne has touched, not only doesn’t get rid of the problem, but it actively makes it worse. When you are telling people to stop engaging at all with Harry Potter, you are basically telling them that what Joanne is doing is their fault. It’s basically a guilt trip and it’s only going to drive them away from the right advocacy or force them into it unwillingly (and if you’re forcing someone into advocacy then that isn’t real advocacy).

And the thing is, Joanne knows this. That’s why she claims so adamantly that people who enjoy her work are supporting her. She knows it’s driving a wedge between us and therefore distracting us from the actual, visceral harm she is contributing towards. She actively encourages it because it’s taking some of the blame away from her for a change. Meanwhile, there are god knows how many trans people actively dying everyday and fighting over a slightly outdated children’s book series from the 2000s isn’t going to change that.

It doesn’t mean you have to enjoy it or engage with it at all. Really, that’s up to personal choice. But what it does mean is that each of us has the responsibility to be there for each other no matter what. And it also means we have the responsibility to stay as educated as much as possible. This doesn’t mean erasing the books from our cultural history (another thing that makes it worse). Nor does it mean obsessively doom scrolling about every hate crime committed against the queer community. No, it means befriending different people, talking to those with different experiences, donating money when you can, reading up on trans and queer history, and goddamn it, maybe it even means writing queer Harry Potter fanfiction. Just as long as you don’t forget who the real enemy is because it’s not each other. It’s the people in power that Joanne forgot she clumsily advocated against in her dumb books. The type of person she has now turned into. Don’t you ever forget it.

#rant #harry potter #joanne kathleen rowling #jkr #jk rowling #trans rights #lgbtq+#genderqueer #protect trans kids #critical thinking is sexy #and so is being kind to one another #thank you

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maximotts · 11 months

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As an answer to your curiosity about people not re blogging I know that at least for me it’s just that I didn’t make an account to post I made it solely to be able to follow accounts and tags I enjoy consuming to content of so I don’t post but I also didn’t leave my bio blank because I know creators especially those who write/post 18+ content will block blank accounts to avoid bots and minors interacting with their content.

I also don’t expect anyone to follow my account so I assume I’d just be yelling into the void unnecessarily if I did post especially because I assume that the random few that do are just bots

I totally get that, but consider that if you did reblog creators’ posts, especially with a comment or tag, we do see it and appreciate it! It’s a great way to talk to or interact with everyone and let people know you’re enjoying the content they spent time creating 💖

#anon asks.#answered.

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hiraya-rawr · 2 years

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long message incoming, apologies, but having been on tumblr since 2011, i feel like it’s important to tell people that shadowbanning genuinely does not happen, in any way, on tumblr.

the only thing that marks your account as a bot and limits it is using inline links on your posts to external websites. (brand new blogs also get hidden sometimes if the accounts have no reblogs.) there’s also a setting on your account that some people don’t realize where you can set yourself to be not discoverable in tags/searches (which might be changeable only on desktop now? tumblr had changed their settings a lot recently). blogs marked as bots don’t get their asks or messages sent, and their notes won’t get seen on posts. (note, this is different than tumblr hiding your blog for adult content, which you can know by checking if your profile photo is pixelated.)

spam liking does not make you or the receiver’s blog get shadowbanned. neither does spam reblogging (though nobody seems to do that really anyway). tumblr has a post limit for how many times you can post a day, but even hitting that limit multiple days in a row won’t shadowban your blog (i would know, i’ve done it several times on several different blogs).

unless your blog has been marked as a bot or otherwise suspicious, you haven’t been shadowbanned. tumblr is a broken website and sometimes posts don’t show up in the tags for no good reason. tumblr does a horrid job at organizing its tags. if you search ’#diluc x reader’ (the very tag you’re at the top of) on mobile, you’ll see that the top posts aren’t organized in order of most notes to least. they take (relatively) recent posts with a lot of notes and just kind of jam them all together. i went to see for myself (because that’s exciting!! your writing is great and deserves the recognition) and the first time i searched the tag, it didn’t show up, but it did show up the second time i searched the tag.

tumblr genuinely does not do shadowbanning (unless it’s to block spam bot blogs). everybody here is just yelling into the void and hoping it pleases the tumblr gods enough to not get lost. that’s just how it is. that’s just how it’s always been.

if your post isn’t showing up in the tags, it’s likely either: 1) the tags are broken, 2) you’re not utilizing the tag system correctly, or 3) the website shat itself again. when tagging, only the first 20 tags will be used for search purposes, and really, it’s your best bet for being seen if you put the important stuff in the first 5. anything beyond 5 is a game of chance. punctuation or special characters in any of your tags will also get your post to not show up in searches. apostrophes are kind of the only thing that’s okay. beyond that, you’re unlikely to see it. the tag ‘#diluc-x-reader’ has no posts show up if you sort by tags.

if your post has links to an external website, it also won’t show up in tags. linking back to your own blog or another post on tumblr is fine. (granted, this does break sometimes and tumblr will get upset if you link to anything.) tumblr has blocked certain websites from their links appearing in searches (such as patreon, ko-fi, deviantart, and red bubble), while others may get blocked randomly and without bias (such as ao3 or pixiv).

the search system is also broken. typing ‘diluc x reader’ and ‘#diluc x reader’ will get you different results entirely.

if your post isn’t getting notes, maybe it got piled underneath everything on your followers’ dashes and they aren’t scrolling far enough to see it. maybe you posted at an inopportune time and the search function swallowed it.

tumblr is a hellsite. it’s broken and by all means, we should all stop using it and find somewhere better. unfortunately, it’s the best we’ve got for doing what we like to do here.

wait wait let me organize my thoughts!!

reading all this, it seems like there's a lot of misinformation circling around 😅 i did know that shadowban wouldn't be the right term (I mentioned it in a recent post that it's more of a bug than the algorithm) but I didn't realize that spam likes had nothing to do with it! kind of makes me wonder how people came up with that in the first place.

there's much to say but i wouldn't want to make this post any longer :> thank you for sharing what you know and it would be great if others share this as well, just to tackle the misinformation on spam likes!

// side note but im happy you like my works!! aahsjdhxje for a tumblr veteran to be here makes me all happy

#hira replies #misinformation #tumblr

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1863-project · 1 year

Text

I posted 1,757 times in 2022

That's 1,161 more posts than 2021!

856 posts created (49%)

901 posts reblogged (51%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neon-moon-beam

@gummycore

@chingaderita

@autisticwolfesbrainisautistic

@shotsofnovacaine

I tagged 1,757 of my posts in 2022

#reblogs - 902 posts

#pokemon - 699 posts

#replies - 628 posts

#submas - 492 posts

#i like trains - 276 posts

#drawing - 88 posts

#art - 88 posts

#actuallyautistic - 71 posts

#autism - 71 posts

#paleontology - 64 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#seriously this is what i wake up to every morning except unlike emmet i have an abnormally large cat instead of an abnormally large spider

My Top Posts in 2022:

Update to this post: I’m trying to actively figure out whose windup they gave him.

See, they’ve been doing this for a while now. Most famously, Volo has Hisashi Iwakuma’s extremely recognizable windup, but Hop throws like Hideo Nomo and Kabu throws like Choji Murata.

Larry has more of a sidearm throw, which is an uncommon delivery in baseball. You can see it in action here:

See the full post

1,112 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Ingo and Emmet Are Both Autistic and I Will Die On This Hill, Thank You Very Much

Hey, remember over a year ago when I wrote that post screaming into the void about how Emmet is autistic? Consider this an updated version of that post, because I really should have talked about how they both are.

Disclaimer: I am an autistic adult who went undiagnosed until age 20 despite a blatant love of steam locomotives so I don’t know how I was missed considering I had the single most stereotypical interest on the planet. (I’ll touch on that later.)

Anyhow, I’ll try to keep this brief (and will likely fail), but let’s get into how both Ingo and Emmet are autistic, actually.

this goofball Emmet

Emmet’s the more obvious one, which is why I wrote the initial post linked above. He clearly scripts, has trouble containing his sheer excitement about things (read: Doubles) to the point of bothering other people, has no filter, will happily infodump about strategy or the MTA rules if asked, and in the manga has an arm-swinging walk that’s visibly a stim if you know it.

The scripting is evident when you fight him by himself, as his dialogue often feels stiff (in Japanese it’s more informal to contrast with his hyper-formal brother), but the line that always seals the deal for me is actually this, when Ingo asks him to put in a few words before a Multi Battle:

See the full post

2,056 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

A Brief Submas Primer

Did you just find out about the Pokemon franchise’s most popular battle facility since the Battle Frontier because of a plot point in Legends: Arceus? Were you curious because your friends were talking about some weird train man and you have no idea what they’re on about? Worry no longer, because this mole person has you covered.

What the hell is Submas?

The term ‘Submas’ is a portmanteau of their Japanese trainer class title, Subway Masters (in English releases, they got the trainer class title Subway Boss). Note that I’m saying “they” - there are, in fact, two of them, and they’re twins.

Ingo (Nobori) is the older of the two of them, specializing in Singles. He speaks overly politely/formally (more obvious in Japanese), has no indoor voice, will yell “BRAVO!” the second anything remotely good or exciting happens, has an overbearing sense of responsibility (it’s an older sibling thing, trust me), and became an accidental sex symbol on Pixiv (don’t ask, he probably doesn’t know either). He’s best known for being the “serious” one and notably has not been allowed to smile in-game to this day, although he was allowed in the anime and manga to be more expressive. He makes up for this by being very, very loud.

See the full post

4,080 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

Nintendo NYC had an egg incubator bag so I am now hatching Joltiks in the NYC Subway, just as Emmet would want us all to.

7,019 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

In case anyone is wondering what real-world train drama is going on, there’s this.

The tl;dr is that Amtrak wants to run two passenger trains per day round-trip (4 runs total) between Mobile, Alabama and New Orleans, Louisiana, restoring a service that hasn’t been there since Hurricane Katrina in 2005. CSX and Norfolk Southern, two major freight train companies, have resisted this idea, saying it would mess up their traffic, especially since Amtrak’s passenger trains would get priority (by government decree, believe it or not).

So now Amtrak is on Twitch streaming the line to prove the line isn’t too busy for them to run passenger trains.

I’m wheezing.

41,186 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #IT'S ALL TRAINS OH MY GOD #...and Larry I guess #he snuck in there via baseball

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turtle-steverogers · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,360 times in 2022

921 posts created (27%)

2,439 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@somanywords

@youhavenoideahowmuchihatethis

@whotheheckitheheck

@alpineandbucky

I tagged 1,962 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#steve rogers - 646 posts

#mikey answers - 576 posts

#stucky - 435 posts

#bucky barnes - 411 posts

#soup tag - 154 posts

#mikey screams into the void - 138 posts

#mutuals <333 - 89 posts

#🏖🏀 - 60 posts

#convos - 57 posts

#mikey screams and cries and yells - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i prefer coffee but sometimes i’ll make tea and it’s the best shit i’ve ever had like i have tea object permanence i forget tea is just that

My Top Posts in 2022:

steve has the worst bedhead known to man. that is a fact.

506 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

love those fics where steve is doing Not Well™️, but since the avengers have no frame of reference for what’s a healthy stevie and what’s not, they don’t really suspect that steve’s doing as poorly as he is.

cue bucky coming in from the cold and taking one look at steve and going, “how long have you been hurting so bad?”

570 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

Read a story online earlier about someone who buys two cups of tea and sits and pretends that their father has just gone to the bathroom when he's been gone for several years, and I couldn't help thinking, what if this was Steve? What if just after waking up from the ice he goes for a walk and finds that the diner he and Bucky spent every afternoon in just sitting and enjoying the others presence, Bucky reading the new Si-Fi novel he got from the library and Steve sketching the other diners, both of them getting something to drink for free becase they help out the owner whenever they could, is still there. So he goes in one afternoon, and the booth they'd always sit at is still there, yes the seats and table top is diffrent, and so is the decor, but the booth is still there, and he orders two drinks, soda maybe, or water, and pushes one across from him and sets a Si-Fi book he bought earlier that day next to it, because as much as he said he didn't like them, they still remind him of Bucky and decides that maybe, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much, to pretend, just for a little while, that Bucky is just in the bathroom, or mabe taking up a girl at another table, and he'll be back soon. He'll come back and pick up his book and he'll tell a joke, and they'll both laugh and all of a sudden everything is right again, just for a few minutes, just while he pretends.

oh my god. here's a fic.

“Can I get you anything else, hon?”

The man looks up from where he’s idly sketching the soda machine, a glass of chocolate milk half finished next to him. Across the table, there’s another glass of chocolate milk-- this one full-- and a sci-fi pulp that looks like something Lucy would find in her grandmother’s library placed neatly next to each other.

Smiling, the man shakes his head. “No, thank you,” he says, before ducking his head to return to his sketch. A clear invitation to leave him alone.

Lucy flashes him a grin and nods. “No problem, hon. You just let me know if you change your mind.”

The man nods and mumbles another, ‘thank you’, but doesn’t look up from his sketchbook again. It’s not unusual for people to come into Jan’s Kitchen to idle, but Lucy feels a tug at her heartstrings; the poor guy looks like he’s been stood up for a date. He’s been sitting in the booth for some time now with two drinks, the other a clear placeholder for someone, and every so often Lucky will catch him staring around the restaurant expectantly. Still, it’s none of her business, and she’s not there to judge any which way. So she leaves the man alone and tries not to feel too worried for him when an hour later, he closes his sketchbook and plucks up the other book, leaving one empty and one full glass of chocolate milk on the table, along with a ten dollar bill. There’s a note written on the corner of a sketchbook page when Lucy goes to clear the glasses.

Keep the change.

The next time Lucy sees the man, it’s during a Saturday lunch rush. He comes in with his sketchbook and the same pulp novel tucked underneath his arm, and specifically requests the booth in the back-- the same one where he’d sat the previous time. Harried, Lucy tells him that it’s not available.

“Oh,” the man says, and for a moment, Lucy could have sworn she knew him from somewhere. Maybe a low scale movie? Some odd TV show? All corners of New York yielded itself to some amount of famous people. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been in something before. “That’s okay. I’ll come back.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucy says, mostly because she hated feeling like she’d disappointed a customer.

The man smiles, waving a hand, and even though his eyes hold a certain sadness-- a weight-- he looks genuine.

“No, it’s really no problem. Thank you for your help.”

He strolls out of the restaurant then, and Lucy watches him go. He dresses sort of oddly, too. In straight khakis and an old looking button down. His hair-- while short-- is neatly parted. Huh. odd. Shaking her head, Lucy turns to greet the next patrons.

When Lucy shows up for her shift at Jan’s on Tuesday night, the man is already sitting in the booth in the back, sketchbook open and two cokes sitting on the table. Like the last time she’d seen him, one was still full and pushed to the other side where the sci-fi pulp was neatly placed. It’s thankfully quite sparse in the restaurant, and Lucy takes her time tying her apron around her waist, watching the man’s hand guide the pencil smoothly across the page. He looks exhausted, eyes heavy with dark, pronounced bags underneath them. His skin is pale and there’s a fine tremor to his hands as he sketches.

“He’s come the last three nights,” one of the other waiters, Harvey, says, leaning over the counter by her side. “Sat in that same booth, ordered--”

“Two drinks? Yeah, he was here one other time I was working, then came in a couple days later asking for that seat. Had to turn him down, ‘cause it was a rush, but…”

“Yeah, I dunno,” Harvey says. “First I thought he was being stood up.”

“Me too,” Lucy says, crossing her arms. The man’s shoulders are tense, nearly drawn up to his ears. “But I’m thinking that’s… not the case.”

“Yeah.” They watch as the man erases something forcefully, then looks out the window. His hand is clenched so tightly around his pencil that Lucy thinks it might break. “What do you think his deal is?”

“I dunno,” Lucy says. “But he looks kinda familiar, doesn’t he?”

Harvey cocks his head. “You know, kinda? He’s definitely military. I mean, look at the way he’s sitting.”

And now that he mentions it, Lucy can see it. The way he’s choosing to sit on the side that faces the entirety of the diner-- a vantage point. Eyes darting around every few seconds, clearly clocking everyone coming in and out, even when he’s distracted.

“Shit, you’re probably right,” she says.

“I just hope he’s okay,” Harvey says. “Like, either way, he looks damn lonely. I hope he’s got someone at home, or something.”

Lucy shrugs, but she can’t help the way her chest aches. The man seems sweet, if anything. She sure hopes he’s not all alone. No one deserves that sort of hell.

The door jingles as someone comes in and the man jumps, clearly torn from some sort of reverie. Yeah. Definitely a vet. Or something like that.

See the full post

573 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

the fact that steve probably wouldn’t be able to be put under for medical procedures and pain meds don’t work on him kills me. like maybe after he’s been out of the ice for a while, they’d be able to figure out his situation, but can you imagine how scary that is??

having to be awake for surgeries for injuries from missions, already out of sorts from whatever hurt him and terrified because of all the medical trauma he definitely has from his childhood??

i’m just picturing him delirious and hurt, and nothing really makes sense and he can’t figure out where he is or why, but he knows the distinct smell of a hospital like the back of his hand.

and when nat pops in to check on him he just manages to choke out, “i want my ma”

617 notes - Posted January 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

sad yeehaw for the way steve is consistently reduced to his last 10 minutes of screen time and criticized constantly based solely on that last chunk rather than celebrated for the entire rest of the time he was featured

649 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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gra-sonas · 2 years

Note

I'm the nonnie that wanted advice, thank you for agreeing! English is not my native language, so I will try to make as much sense as I can. First, I want to say that this is not about the RNM/Malex fandom (I follow several people from that fandom, you being one of them, since I ship Malex but this is not about them). One of the reasons I created a Tumblr was to enjoy my ships and to try to connect to other people, since it's hard for me to make friends in real life. So, little by little I started to interact with blogs of that other fandom, reblogging their stuff, commenting, sending asks, even sending some messages. And some people started to talk to me, however, it feels very forced, it feels like they are trying to be nice, but they really don't want to talk to me or include me. And I can easily see that because other “newer” blogs, like mine, get treated differently, much more friendly, and they don't get ignored which I feel like I do. I'm always the one that has to make the first move, but with others it's not like that. I know that I'm jealous, and I shouldn't be, but I have wanted so bad to belong somewhere that I can help it. I don't know if I should just give up, stop trying, and get out of that fandom. Maybe I'm the problem, and I'm just never going to be able to connect to people. Sorry for coming to you with this, it's just that you are always so nice and kind that you made me feel like I could ask you this. You don't have to answer, I know it's too much and that you have nothing to do with it.

Oh nonnie, I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. :(

I know how hard it is to get into a fandom, especially when you're not a writer or a fan artist/gif maker (i.e. a "contributor" - even though people who comment and send asks are just as important, but I hope you understand what I mean).

On top of that, Tumblr is honestly a terrible platform to make fandom friends (at least in my experience).

What Tumblr is lacking imo (and what makes me miss Livejournal an awful lot) is a way to have any kind of [ongoing] discussion. Or proper [nested!!!] comments. Yes, you can reply to a post, but unless someone checks the notes, no one will see that reply.

Basically, Tumblr is everyone just sitting on their personal island (i.e. blog) yelling into the void, hoping that someone else will hear them. And even if someone hears them yell, and maybe even replies, it's almost impossible to have an actual conversation, let alone build friendships. Tumblr's just not designed for that.

Personally, I’ve had much more luck on Twitter or Discord to find “my people” - platforms much more suitable for conversations, and the focus isn’t as much on “contributing” (in the form of providing or sharing content). (Personally, I loathe IG, but it’s also a platform where you can comment, and that probably also works for some people).

So, my advice would be: try to find “your people” outside of Tumblr. Maybe there’s a Discord server for your fandom where you can actually talk to people (and more than just one person at a time, also people who might not live in a different time zone and won’t reply immediately when you send them an ask 🙃).

If you don’t have Twitter, maybe set up an account and see whether the platform is for you (it’s not for everyone, I know, but I love it and it’s my favorite), but in my experience it’s much easier to get in touch with people there than on Tumblr.

Tumblr is nice for sharing content (even though that’s become a bit of a lost art these days, reblogs are a near extinct art form tbh :P) but it’s shit for forming and becoming a member of a community. And I say that as someone who’s been on this hellsite for over a decade, and has always “contributed” - in some way at least.

In short: it’s not you, nonnie. I’m sure you are lovely, and anyone would be lucky to have a fandom friend like you who puts so much effort into connecting with others. And I’m truly sorry that you feel like it’s your fault.

It’s not. It really isn’t. (And feeling a bit jealous is a perfectly understandable reaction. You’d be surprised how often I’ve felt like someone who looks at fandom through a window from the outside but is never part of it. That feeling SUCKS big time).

I really hope you’ll be able to find like-minded people elsewhere, where it is easier to connect and talk to people.

Wishing you the best of luck, nonnie! (And hey, if you’d like a Twitter fandom friend, let me know, I’m always happy to chat with people on the bird app) ❤️

#nonnie asks

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caffeinelemur · 10 months

Note

I am also blown away by people Just Saying Things. I could never. But I've followed you for years and I have no plans to stop. We don't have much overlap in interests right now but I still like seeing you on my dash, and I look forward to the chance we'll maybe have a shared Thing in the future.

(I completely understand the reluctance to update, the only things always up-to-date on my phone are my games and only because it wouldn't let me play them otherwise. Though imo it would be better to do it soon-ish and maybe keep a relatively functional form of tumblr for a while longer, rather than the "forced to update at gunpoint" moment coming after they've made some of the lovely (sarcasm) changes they seem to be planning. Also polls really are fun. I wanna make one but I haven't been able to think of a good one yet and I have like no followers so it wouldn't get votes, lol)

I’m happy you accept me for my myriad of interests, maybe someday we shall meet again. Thank you for your service.

Back in the distant past when I did try saying things I was always devastated if no one interacted and bewildered and overwhelmed if someone did, so I think I stopped maybe bc of how much I put myself out there only for nothing to come of it a majority of the time. But like I’m much older now and on meds actually and tumblr is different than in my sordid ancient past so I might be able to just yell into the void and say fuck it and only obsess about it a little. Still unsure.

Also just the thought of, does anyone read my tag rants on reblogs? Bc like I have a feeling that’s what my fucking posts would be like and idk if ppl even get through all that nonsense. Except, like, curated, and hopefully funnier. Also my posts would have fucking spellcheck so my too fast brain-to-type wouldn’t be so overwhelmingly fast that I don’t stop to check until it’s too late and the tag is just useless with half the words typos or spelled wrong, making me look a fool.

I’m so scared of updating tumblr like I don’t want to relearn what tumblr is after so long living this way, but also I have zero clue what my posts or blog actually look like anymore, the one it shows me I know is a lie, an echo of the past trapped in real time. I have noticed things like the ability to pin posts and turn off reblogs and like bitch I’m jealous I can’t do that you got me there.

Maybe I’ll actually finish my updated icon and that will usher in the new tumblr era of Caff Makes an Attempt.

#caff answers #might trst the waters by saying a silly thing and forgetting about it only to come back to it being possibly good enough to pass peer review #make one of those fuckers like if this post gets so many likes ill update my tumblr #but make it a stupid number bc i never get that many likes and its self-sabotage #motivate me by thinking of new icon #ah yes drawing maybe ill do that one day #im working through things in the tags again #at least this is my own post kinda im allowed

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xactodreams · 2 years

Note

hi, I hope you're having a good day!! I've been reading the tags on my post about asexuality bc I love seeing that so many ppl feel seen & because a few people have sent me corrections. I saw yours re: the term aspec and wanted to reach out. I updated the original post to change aspec to acespec a few weeks ago but the version with aspec had already been reblogged enough that it hasn't been disseminated much :\\. I wasn't aware that aspec was taken from the autistic community, just that it's used to represent the intersection of ace/aro people (like aphobic being against both ace and aro ppl). I wanted to apologize for misusing aspec and thank you for tagging it with your comments!! I don't have much of a community so I really appreciate the information <33

oh my gosh, Hello!

First, I want to thank you for making such a lovely infographic, it’s important information to have and share, and I am glad you did!

Second, let me apologize for essentially being an old dude yelling at clouds in your tags! I’m so used to just yelling into the void there without anyone caring about my input, but that’s no excuse to be rude, so sincerely, I am sorry. It’s not that I didn’t take good faith into account, I just genuinely didn’t think anyone would read or care about my tags.

I do understand why in the last year or so the ace/aro community has decided to abbreviate into aspec, I truly do. And I wouldn’t have any issues with it if the autistic community hadn’t already been using that as a term for themselves for several years now, Much longer than I have seen it used for queer folk.

I do think it is important to recognize, though, that aspec was used originally to abbreviate Autism Spectrum Disorder, which is the official medical diagnosis for autism. As opposed to asexuality and aromanticism which do also exist on a spectrum, but do not actually have “spectrum” in their title.

Both communities are pretty small, and I suspect there’s a lot of overlap, even. So I don’t necessarily think the new use of “aspec” by queer people is inherently malicious at this time. But I would like to let people, in my circles at least, know that we should be careful about co-opting existing terms by other marginalized groups.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, it genuinely means a lot, and I will go reblog your corrected post. 💜

#i hope you are also having a wonderful day!

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waterberry-strawmelon · 3 years

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CATCH ME BLOCKING THE TIM STANS WHO SAY ROBIN WAS MADE FOR HIM AND THEREFORE HE’S TAKING HIS RIGHTFUL PLACE AT BATMAN’S SIDE AGAIN SINCE DETECTIVE COMICS COMICS IS GIVING DAMIAN SOME KIND OF VILLAIN ARC JUST TO MAKE TIM THE UWU NERD SOFT BOY ROBIN A G A I N ???? W H Y

#just keep him as fucking Red Robin and MOVE THE FUCK ON PEOPLE AHSKSNNS #HUGE motherfucking yikes moment. literally a rotten ice cold take. ugh #I feel like I need mouthwash #from the bitter taste in my mouth #mine #batfam #do not reblog!!!!#if this somehow ends up in the main batfam tags I’m sorry! I don’t mean to cause drama. just let me yell into the void in peace

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writinginthedarkwood · 3 years

Text

Yandere Undead! Tomura Shigaraki x Y/N "I need You"

Fictober Prompt 1: "I need you".

Currently taking requests for this month! Check out the prompt list I reblogged if you need any ideas.

Warnings: Not meant to represent an ideal relationship, if your partner is manipulative, pushy, and also a zombie, that is... not good.

"Open the door, I need you to open the door." His voice is raspy and hardly above a whisper. Just a flimsy push lock is between you and the intruder. Your back is pressed against the wood, hoping that if he somehow manages to get the handle to turn, your body weight will stop him from forcing his way inside of your cramped bathroom. "They're coming this way Y/N, they're overrunning the town. They won't be gentle like I will."

The sound of his finger nails dragging against the door sent a shiver up your spine. You whimpered and covered your ears. He spoke louder, almost yelling now. "They'll rip the flesh off of your bones, they'll swallow your body like greedy pigs!"

Another crash outside of your apartment building window followed by a scream. You crawled on all fours, inch by inch to just peak outside again. Why haven't you woken up from this nightmare? "I would never do that Y/N, I'm not like them I can still feel the way I felt before. I can feel you- I can feel you replacing the blood in my veins." His fist slammed against the door, just once rattling the flimsy plywood on it's hinges. "I need you!" He practically howled. "I need you! I need you- just you!" He slammed his fist into the wood over and over again between each scream. You choke out a sob, pulling yourself up with what little force you can muster by gripping onto the window sill. The city is in ruins, buildings on fire, car windows shattered and people screaming with all of the air left in their lungs. It's utter chaos, the apocalypse was just like a comic book. Undead creatures crawled out of the sewers, biting pedestrians and breaking into homes. Alarms are blaring in broad daylight, life suddenly halted all at once. You sink back down the wall in defeat, eyeing the now quiet doorway. You squint, is the door knob moving? The intense sound of destruction outside is overwhelming, even with you being a few stories above the ground.

A tiny click, just a small metal pop and the door is pushed open. A pin is shoved into the hole of the handle, the monster was picking the lock the entire time. You shrieked and shrunk down into a ball, gripping your knees and covering your face. "Go away!" You begged with all of your chest. "Aw Y/N, you're acting like you don't want to see me." He sounded breathy. "It's hurting my feelings."

You peeked through your hands. His skin is pale and void of any color, cracked and peeling skin along his lips and around his neck in a ring. His hair is stringy and covering most of his face as he crawls closer to you on all fours. "Don't you recognize me? It's me, Tomura. Your favorite customer at work."

You thought for a moment, the hoodie guy? "You get a black coffee and a Snickers bar everyday..." You almost couldn't squeak out the words, he started coming in recently. He sat alone and played on his phone for most of the morning. He's quiet, you never really talk to him except to take his order or ask how his day is going. "See, you know me." His long fingers reached for your ankle. You gasp and pull your leg tighter to you. "I said go away!" More tears spilled over your cheeks as you yelled at the monster. "Shh, shh you don't need to be so scared." He hushed you, his beady red eyes pleading and desperate. "I won't bite..." He lunged forward and managed to grab onto your leg, yanking you towards him. "That hard!" Tomura burst into a sick laugh, his grabbing hands overwhelming you as he pins your squirming body underneath him. He dragged his tongue from your collar bone up your neck, flicking against your cheek. "You taste so good-" He plunged down again, letting his teeth rest against your jaw "-I've wondered what you taste like for long now." He sucked and nipped at your neck, ears and face. "P-please don't kill me." You held back a confusing whine, his sloppy and strong kisses feel good. His hands are ice cold, they worked your arms above your head, keeping your wrists pinned to the floor. "Quiet little rabbit." He spoke directly into your ear. Tomura planted a soft kiss on your temple. "You and I need to be together forever."

He turned your head and aimed for your neck. "With just one bite."

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hollandsmushroom · 3 years

Text

Lost In My Brain

Hello everyone, so this concept came from the very very depths of my brain as I went into a deep dissociative episode and I wrote this to pull myself out by imagining semi mob tom comforting me.

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS MUCHLY APPRECIATED

Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You aren’t replying to Tom’s texts so he is really worried, he finds you in a state of trauma and unable to really communicate.

Warnings: Please read this at your own comfort, I wrote this to help me cope and I thought someone else might want to read it. I have written about extremely personal topics in this and I am not talking about stuff that I don’t know anything about, I suffer from dissociative PTSD. So warnings really include mentions of an unidentified trauma, Dissociation, Dissociative PTSD, Loss of recognition of faces, mentions of Mob Tom, missing person?, Trauma that happened at night, intrusive thoughts, thoughts that you are actually dead.

Masterlist

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Word Count: 1577

Tom’s meetings had run late, he had messaged you throughout the discussions to keep you updated and so you wouldn’t worry but it was him who worried as his phone remained void of any response from you. He began to grow antsy as the conversations just dragged on. He gave his input whenever he had to but most of his time was spent trying his hardest to seem as if he was paying attention and then checking his phone to see if you had responded, and every time his phone screen was blank. His worry was beginning to overtake his body, he worked in a dangerous profession and people knew that the best way to get to him was through loved ones, you being the main one. The thought of something bad having happened to you made his heart break, the thought of someone hurting you added to that made his blood boil. It wasn’t like he was overreacting, you were always very attentive to responding to him when he was in meetings, you knew that under his hard mobster outside he worried about you a great deal and if you could do anything to ease that, you would, and that is why he was freaking out to this extent. As soon as the meeting came to a close he left immediately, ignoring the people who tried to catch his attention on his way out, focused only on getting home to you.

Tom walked into the house, calling out your name and receiving no response in turn his heart beginning to pound as the silence reverberated in his ears. With an urgency he began making his way through the rooms of your shared house. He started in your bedroom, eyes landing on the perfectly made bed, signalling to him that you never went to bed, he made his way through the guest rooms, your office, the living room, by the time he reached the kitchen he was on the verge of tears. Hands grabbing on to the counter as he faced the empty living room, retrieving his phone from his slacks pocket and quickly dialing up his mate Harrison.

“Mate?” Tom asked as he heard the phone be answered on the other end of the line.

“Yeah?” His friends tired voice answered, clearly having been woken up by Tom’s call

“I can’t find Y/n, I don’t know where she is” At this point Tom felt like he was on the verge of breaking down, the idea that something had happened to you and he wasn’t there to protect you made him see red.

“Wait? You can’t find her?” there was a rustle from the other line, Harrison having sat straight up in bed, shock over taking him.

“Yeah, mate and I am kind of starting to freak-” Tom spun around, leaning his back against the cool marble countertop when his eyes caught on the open sliding glass door leading to your backyard, a dark figure sitting on the cement ground rocking slightly.

“Mate, I'm gonna have to call you back” he ignored his friend's words of worry as he hung up, placing the glowing screen face down on the counter and making his way outside. As soon as he passed the threshold of the door sniffles reached his ears. The weather wasn’t freezing but it definitely wasn’t warm enough for you to be sitting there in nothing but one of Tom’s shirts, bare thighs on the cool ground.

“Love?” Tom called as he made his way to your quivering figure, shoulders throwing themselves back and forth as you attempted to rock yourself in comfort. He reached a hand out to your shoulder, but you flinched away from his touch causing his heart to shatter. With the jerk of your movement his eyes caught your face, tears staining your cheeks.

“Love it's me” Tom assured, once again reaching his hand out to you, and this time you let him, his hand soothing over your shoulder causing it to cease its shaking as you eased into his touch. He did this gradually, progressively enveloping you further into his hold, a protective embrace, your face tucked into his chest as his hand rubbed up and down your back, trying to warm your body as you began to shiver from the night air.

“Let's get you inside, darling” Tom’s soothing touch helping you off the ground. He grabbed your hand, gently moving you into the house, and led you to the bathroom. His hands grabbed your hips, placing you onto the bathroom counter, you sat there, eyes trained on the wall ahead as Tom dampened a washcloth, moving back to you to wipe the snot and tears off of your cheeks, he stood in your view for the first time, his hands reaching towards you as you examined his face, causing you quickly push him away, hurt flashing across his unknown feature as you distanced yourself from him, scooting back on the counter curling further into your own body.

“Y/n?” His voice sounded defeated, reaching out again only for you to have the same reaction. His voice, you knew his voice, and his face didn’t seem completely unknown, something about him was familiar. It was so close to the face you loved so much but your eyes were distorting his features.

“I...I don’t know who you are?” He could have sworn he broke when you said that.

“Baby, it’s me, it’s Tom” he cooed, trying to understand what was happening, fear bruning through his chest and all the way down to his gut, feeling as if his world was slipping from under his feet.

“No, I-I know it’s you but..but I look at your face I don’t recognize it, it’s off, it’s not quite right and I don’t know who you are, you look like I stared at you for too long and you lost all feature, Tommy, I don’t know who you are and I don’t know who I am” your tears began to flow again as you looked in the mirror, your face was just a little bit off till it wasn’t your face anymore. You closed your eyes and shook your head violently causing Tom to gasp, reaching out and grabbing your shoulders to halt your movements.

“Stop, baby, please stop, it’s me, it’s Tommy, I’m right here” his voice soothed you, peeling your eyes back open, you saw his face, it was right, it was your Tommy.

“Tom?” His name but a question on your tongue as he cupped your cheek.

“Yes it’s me,” the pad of his thumb brushed away tear streaks. “What’s happening, sweets, talk to me please” he pleaded, eyes begging you to let him know what was happening.

“I’m dead Tommy” you explained but it only made it worse, yes widening comically as fear shot through his body.

“W-what do you mean you’re dead?” His mind was racing, had someone put a hit on you? Did you need to go into hiding? He felt like he was falling into every possible issue that you could be having but he was cut off by your voice again.

“I was thinking earlier and what if I died that night? What if I didn’t get out of the way? This is the after life” you mumbled, fully convinced that you had lost your mind.

“You are not dead” Tom demanded

“How do you know that” you whispered

“Because I’m here, dusting with you, I can touch you and trace every mark in your body, I have my own life, I would have that if you were dead, and if you were why would it just be a continuation of your day to day, why are you freaking out if this is heaven” he tried to explain and something must have worked because your body eased, eyes drawing from your hands to his face.

“This is real?” your voice sounded weak, so lost in your mind as your eyes seemed to glaze over.

“Yes, love this is real” he hummed, finally being able to wipe the tears from your face, his touch drawing you back from the farthest depths of your brain that you kept spiraling into “Now let’s get you to bed” Reaching past you he grabbed your toothbrush and toothpaste, preparing it for you to brush your teeth. You took your toothbrush from his hand as he leaned in and kissed your forehead lovingly, a tear slipping from his eye as he took in your defeated state, brushing it away before you could see and brushing his teeth as well.

Moments later you fell into your bed, Tom’s arms wrapped securely around you as your back curved into his chest, you shook your head as you closed your eyes seeing everything you wished you could forget.

“Tommy, I feel so lost in my brain, its like its yelling and every new thought just adds to the noise, continuing to bounce around with everyone else” You whispered as you shuttered.

“I know it's not okay, my love, but I am here and I will be here, I will help you come back” he kissed your temple and held you as you fell asleep. He vowed to himself that he would be there for you, he would never let you go, give you a life that distanced yourself from that pain that haunted you. He would remind you everyday that you are alive.

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