ig i just personally dont rlly vibe w ppl who think that merely saying 'i wish they died' just to lighten the heavy weight of their overwhelming emotions (that they cant control may i add) is the same thing as actively actually murdering someone 💀

vent below idk what image to give to make it worth your while have geeked up spongebob sparkle

7 in the goddamn morning that family is YELLING YELLING. and by that i mean my. but i dont want to really be a part of it. not like they treat me like one anyway. really. except my mom. but when shit like this goes down im basically invisible. maybe its for the better that way. but i dunno. having to see that shit go down. really effects me still. i can enjoy watching nasty fights on reality tv and shit but this stuff isnt enjoyable. cuz like. well i live with these people and shit. whatever. point is. starts making some alters really freak out. i dont even really disagree with the ones who start feeling violent about it. if killing an abuser didnt land u in prison 4 life basically i dont think we'd even be dealing with this shit. probably cruel to say. but really whats cruel is someone who does this shit to people for 20 odd years. can i blame them at all for thinking that when we r like a caged animal who cant fidn a way out i really cant

itsnfine dont worey i wont let things come to that point. but ifnsomehow they do i guess my point that well you all know i tried ans you all know that the fucker had it coming and i will try to figure out how to fit a phone up my hole in prison ans i'll keep blogging as long as none of yall snitch

^ none of yall better act like thats something serious im being a bit funny but honestly i do think this site is pro killing your abuser more than other sites at least on the hypothetical level which helps becuse a lot of you won't disagree with us feeling that way

id love to do it but i wont because i've talked about it and alluded to it more than enough to warrant premeditation charge, and i wouldn't be able to feign innocence to hide it for the rest of my life and id always be paranoid about it so its not worth the mental weight either

i used to worry a lot that he would snap and kill me and mama

i guess it could still happen but i dont feel as scared about it as i used to.

maybe because i feel that im old enough to maybe stop it or at least be really hard to accomplish

this will all mean nothing when i forget about it mostly in a few hours

actually i'll be going to sleep in a few hours

since my schedule is literally the opposite of this family because i need time to myself

hopefully my dreams will be kind to me

i was really upset yesterday because i had a vivid dream where i was being affectionate and romantic with a guy who committed rape on me

woke up super disgusted and went back to sleep until 6 pm about it to get a better dream

does anyone on here care if i call it that if it wasnt violently penetrstive?

to me its a gross criteria plus what are you supposed to call someone who did less that that

whatever

point is i hsted the dream

all my dreams are vivid

many of them are lucid which is lovely

when they arent lucid though sometimes its awful but still its very vivid and all felt as real as life

this isnt really relevant anymore

right now i kind of feel nothing but my tummy hurts a lot

love you guys

Hi Erin! Long time no see... I'm not sending this to ask advice or anything, just wanted to get this off my chest because i feel so unwell whenever i think about this and want to know which one is more likely: a) me genuinely connecting the dots vs b) me making shit up... But like. if this bothers u in any way or is somehow in conflict w the rules of the blog, pls feel free to delete..

Disclaimer I'm often very paranoid and anxious when it comes to interpersonal relationships, especially friendships. I feel like I often see "patterns" and "tells" that aren't really there, that other people tell me aren't there. For one, i have this friend group and we have a sort of group chat together. Occasionally though, i would leave it when I feel overwhelmed and returned whenever i feel better.

I noticed that one person would talk more whenever I'm not there and it irked me a little bc i couldn't think of having done anything that could've possibly made them uncomfortable. I also noticed that this person and my other friends i regularly talk to have a separate gc which is. Normal but i couldn't shake off the feeling that they had to make it bc i made them so uncomfortable just for being there.

Recently on a brief emotional moment i unloaded a bit and was told off by them and their friend bc i was saying negative stuff without a warning or sth. So i just deleted them instead bc it was easier and i didn't know what to tag stuff like "i personally don't think my life is worth living" and like made a server wide apology and everything and i suggested i can just leave bc clearly i kept making everyone uncomfortable again and again but everyone insisted i didn't? And told me to stop apologizing and they were all so nice about it and told me to trust that they're being genuine when they say they like having me around and that i didn't make anyone uncomfortable... though this person didn't say a word...

Then like hours later i got an anonymous ask that said I "make everyone uncomfortable." and when i asked them to elaborate they didn't send anything more... So i was like. Hm. Ok. So what is the truth? It's funny bc i didn't say a single peep about making anyone uncomfortable on the account where i got that ask... So my anxiety brain just immediately pivoted to the worst and thought it had been an inside job. And that everyone knows and they're just covering for this person or something. Wow i sound completely batshit now. I just think the worst of everyone... Even now i still feel like I'm just getting in everyone's way and they're all just being nice to me to be charitable/spare my feelings...

It honestly sounds like you're being paranoid and I don't think it is actually that deep and I'm saying that as someone who experiences paranoia myself. That being said, a group chat generally isn't the place to drop your suicidal thoughts and that likely did make some people uncomfortable, honestly speaking. And it probably didn't get less uncomfortable when you started hating on yourself for making them uncomfortable. Like if that's how you use that chat then there's a good chance some of them are uncomfortable with your behavior. BUT this doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that they hate you or that you don't deserve love. It just mean you gotta think a bit more before you vent and that maybe you should save some of your issues for more private conversations with people who actually consented to listen.

Attraction and Reaction - Wanda Maximoff x Dom!Reader - Part 2

Prompt based “ WandaXReader where they're always arguing and being sarcastic to eachother but it's just sexual tension. Maybe smth with the lines "why are u laghing did I tell a joke?" "why don't u look inside my head and find out". I think it would be pretty cool. It doesn't have to be smutt though, only If u fell like it (also a dom!reader would be nice)" > Link for part One

Notes: Some people asked me to write a part 2 of this one, and i took me a while but I finally did it. Nobody specified whether they wanted part two for the smut or for the story so I put a little of both.

Warnings>  18+, Smut, language, mentions of past abuse.

Words:  6.243 (Complete)

Marks (I keep forgetting to put this but hope people don’t hate me haha) > @mionemymind​ @wandamaximoffpuppy​

AO3 (Complete / Two Parts)

Maybe you guys had been in the room for a long time.

But you didn't care about the time as you had Wanda riding on your face, and you were licking and sucking her, while she moaned loudly with her mouth open as she forced her hips down and held on to the headboard.

- Fuck! Right there. - She said breathlessly - Don't stop.

A few strokes later and she came apart in your mouth, for the fourth time in a row. The taste only seemed to get better.

And then she was throwing herself on the bed trying to normalize her breathing, and you leaned over to rest your head on her belly while your fingers trailed up her thigh.

But a knock at the door caught your attention next.

- Wanda, is everything all right? - That was Bucky on the other end. - I made dinner, I was wondering if you would like some.

- No, Bucky, thank you. - Wanda shouted back a moment later, disguising her current state well. You let out a giggle, and ran your fingers down her skin, penetrating her pussy afterwards, and she bit back a sigh.

- That's fine. Do you know where Y/N is? I haven't seen her since this morning, and she's not in her room. - He then said and you chuckled softly, as Wanda held back a moan at having you inside her.

- No. - She answered half breathlessly, and forced herself to sound less affected in the next sentence. - I have no idea.

But then you began to rotate your finger against her clit and she sank her face into the bed, gasping for breath. It took a moment, then Bucky spoke again.

- You guys are fucking, aren't you?

- Trying to! - you retorted impatiently, beginning to kiss Wanda's skin.

You can hear Bucky let out a chuckle before his footsteps move away. But your attention was focused on Wanda, coming on your fingers again.

- Fuck. - She mumbled breathlessly, running her hands through her hair. - I don't think I can go on. - She commented with a smile, her gaze lazing on you.

You smiled as you lifted your face to meet hers, and kissed her slowly and sensually, but she really looked tired, even though her hips moved toward you.

- Get some sleep, dear. - You whispered to her, trying not to be startled by how easily the nickname slipped out of your mouth. Wanda smiled, closing her eyes. When her breathing became deep, you pulled back the blankets to cover her naked body, then stood up.

You picked up your clothes from the floor, and when you finished dressing, you left the room.

Bucky was reading something when you entered the room, and you went around the counter to get some coffee.

- Sorry for getting in the way of your conflict resolution. - He said ironically, his eyes still on the paper. You giggled.

- No problem, Barnes. - You replied before taking a sip of coffee.

You walked over to the couch where Bucky was sitting and looked curiously at the papers on the table as you sat down in the armchair next to him.

- What are you working on anyway? - you asked, crossing your legs. Bucky let out a sigh.

- On you guys, actually. - He said, and you frowned in confusion. But he didn't look angry, just busy. - Steve worries that the team works as a whole. He asked me to study your training results and try to find a way to solve your problems.

- I think that's been taken care of. - You sneer, but Bucky keeps a serious expression.

- Sex doesn't solve your problems. - He says and you blink in surprise. - It's just an escape valve.

You laugh ruefully, putting your coffee cup on the table.

- What are you talking about? Wanda and I just needed to vent our anger somehow. There is nothing to work out.

Bucky shook his head in denial, placing the pages he had in his hand on the table.

- Look, do you remember how it used to be with me and Sam? - He asked, and you rolled your eyes, nodding in agreement.

- We're not like....

- Listen first. - he asked with a smile, and you sighed, nodding. - Sam and I used to fight because we couldn't accept the nature of our relationship. - He explains. - And we both looked up to Steve and wanted him to be proud of us. And then we would fight to see who got his attention.

- That's very gay. - You comment humorously and Bucky chuckles lightly before continuing.

- The relevant thing is that when Sam and I first started having sex, we weren't communicating. - He says and you blink in surprise. - Angry sex is no substitute for conversation. It took a while, but we managed to talk about how we really felt, and now we are doing just fine. 

You sighed thoughtfully, leaning your back against the chair as you entwined your hands in your lap.

- I don't know what to tell you, comrade. - You say. - I have no quarrel with Wanda. We're fine. 

Bucky looked at you for a few seconds, and then shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to his papers. You began to think that you were repeating that things were fine for yourself and not for him.

//-//

Everything was fine.

The day after the events of the past morning and afternoon, you only met Wanda over breakfast. She smiled and waved you good morning, and you did the same.

And when you two got up to leave the dishes in the sink, she enjoyed being put on the countertop while you stayed on your knees with your head between her legs. Or at least you understood that she did, when she came in your mouth and moaned your name.

Everything was fine. Until it wasn't.

Bucky requested another therapy session with you two, and at the moment you were sitting in an armchair facing Wanda in an empty room, waiting for the soldier.

You were trying not to let your mind wander to the image of the redhead squirming with pleasure beneath you as you looked at her but you were failing miserably.

You cleared your throat, looking away and then Bucky entered, apologizing for the delay and saying that the rest of the team should be back in the tower soon.

- Can we try talking today, girls? - He said as he sat down, and you crossed your arms, shrugging. Wanda twiddled her fingers slightly. - I'd like to try the questions again.

You and Wanda exchanged a look before nodding, and Bucky smiled, pulling his small notepad from his pocket and reading briefly before speaking.

- Y/N let's start with you today. - He says. - Can you tell me something you like about Wanda?

You bite your lip.

- The way she moans my name.

Bucky blinks in surprise and discomfort but lets out a giggle, Wanda blushes softly looking away.

- Great, we've gone from immense hatred to unrestrained horniness. - He wryly chuckles. - Please girls, let's try to make this work.

You let out a sigh, getting thoughtful for a moment. 

- All right, Bucky. - You say. - I... I like how caring Wanda always is.

Wanda blinks in surprise, and Bucky looks happy. 

- That's nice. - He comments with a smile. - And you Wanda, can you tell us what you like about Y/N?

Wanda looks at you for a moment, and then looks away from you to Bucky.

- I like how protective she is of everyone here. - She confesses and you look at her attentively. - Even with me, and even when we are fighting, when we are in the field, she cares about everyone.

You swallow dryly as you look away from Wanda, wanting to ignore the feeling in your stomach.

- That's great, girls. - Bucky comments and you almost forget that he was there. - I would like to ask how this conflict started.

And then you shift uncomfortably in your chair. Because you remember it so well. Clearing your throat, you stand up.

- I don't want to do this anymore. - You say, looking at Bucky, who looks very surprised. He closes his notepad, but before he can say anything, Wanda says.

- So you're just going to run away again?

- Yeah, Wanda, I'm just going to run away. - You retort angrily as you move your feet out of the room, slamming the door on your way out.

//-//

You had been training for a few hours, your muscles ached and your body begged for a rest, but you kept punching the bag in front of you.

- Someone is angry. - sneered Natasha as you entered the gym. You blinked in surprise.

- I didn't know you were back. - You retorted without stopping your punching.

And then Natasha was climbing onto the mat, smiling at you.

- A little bird told me that you resolved your conflicts in the best possible way. - She teased, coming closer and tapping your fists to make you stop. You sighed breathlessly, your body reacting immediately to the lack of movement.

- I don't want to talk about it. - You retorted as you took off your boxing gloves, and walked away. 

- I figured as much. - She said, following you around the gym as you left the ring and looked for a bottle of water. - But you need it, so we''ll talk.

You let out an impatient grumble, and then Nat was touching your shoulder and you turned away abruptly.

- No. - You warned with clenched fists, but Nat was not intimidated.

- I know what happened to you. - She said and you closed your eyes tightly, trying to control the boiling anger rising in your chest. - I know because I saw the red room when she was in my head. But you have to understand that Wanda is on our side now and…

- I know that! - you retorted angrily. - I know that she's just a victim in this whole thing, okay? I just... I don't... - You paused, trying to normalize your breathing, and control your tears. - I haven't seen my family in twenty years. And I don't think about them, I can't remember their faces. I wasn't ready to see them that day, and I can hardly breathe when I remember. I just need time.

- You can't take out on Wanda the anger you had for them. - Nat replies seriously, and you sigh, sitting down on the bench next to you, your face buried in your hands.

- I know. - You say. - I just... God, she is probably the only person who knows everything. I wasn't ready to tell anyone, or deal with it alone, and she just came in and she just knows everything.

Nat sat down next to you and put her hand on your thigh.

- You need to talk to someone about this. - She said. - Not with me, not with Wanda. With a professional who can help you.

You nod, squeezing her hand. 

- I know. - You say with a sad smile. - I will, I just... It all seems so recent.

- You've been burying your traumas pretty well, that's all. - She jokes, and you laugh weakly.

You stood for a moment in silence before standing up. Nat let go of your hand to give your shoulder a squeeze before she left the gym. You sighed, deciding that you should call that contact Sam had told you about.

//-//

When you returned to your room, you had an appointment. You went into the shower, and took too long, trying to calm your nerves under the hot water. 

And then you were startled to get out and find Wanda waiting for you.

- I want to talk to you. - She declared as soon as you came out of the bathroom, sitting on your bed.

You let out a sigh, moving toward your closet. You didn't mind being naked in front of Wanda, it was nothing she hadn't seen before. And then you threw the towel on the bed and put on a loose T-shirt.

- You can talk. - You retorted, turning to her, and bit your lip when you noticed Wanda's gaze and flushed cheeks. - Earth to Wanda? 

Wanda grumbled at your teasing and looked away, you smiled as you picked up the towel from the bed to take it to dry off.

- I don't know what's bothering you. - She says after a moment, and you swallow the discomfort in the pit of your stomach. - But I've talked to Bucky, and he doesn't think it's healthy for us to continue with, well, whatever it is, before you can talk about your feelings.

You hang up your towel and then turn to Wanda with an impassive face.

- Okay, then. Good night. - You tell her sharply, and Wanda blinks in confusion.

- That's all you're going to say? - she asks incredulously, and you let out a dry laugh.

- You're the one who came here to say that you don't want us to happen anymore. 

- I didn't say that.

- What difference does it make? - You retort. - It's not going anywhere anyway.

Your statement leaves your mouth bitter, and Wanda stares at you for a long second before turning and leaving the room. You feel your body boil with anger, but you're tired. So you just throw yourself on the bed and hope to sleep soon.

//-//

Your fights with Wanda stop, mostly because you just don't talk to each other anymore. But Bucky seems to accept this as progress, and releases you from the sessions. And then you are seeing the psychologist that Sam recommended, and things are getting better for you.

She asks about your family, and teaches you to control your anger attacks with breathing exercises and focus. It is enough for weeks, until you have to really face your memories as you use Tony's technology to remember what your parents did to you. Of how they gave you your abilities. 

It is suffocating, and painful, but you survive. And it feels good to breathe normally again. 

You want to ignore the feeling that there is something missing, mainly because you believed that once you were healing, you wouldn't think about Wanda anymore. But now that the anger is gone, you just miss her.

Many weeks after your discussion, you are in the Caribbean, trying to investigate an abandoned Hydra base, and you have Wanda as an exploration partner.

- Did you find anything? - you asked as you two walked together into yet another empty room of an abandoned compound. Wanda was going through some drawers, going through their contents.

- Nothing that Tony hasn't already hacked. - She said, and then you turned around when you heard a noise at the door behind you. Raising your pistol in the direction of the sound, you let out an exclamation of surprise when the door suddenly opened, and a man jumped at you. Clearly a soldier, judging by his clothing. You fought back his blows, and were ready to fight, but Wanda simply used her magic to throw him across the room and he blacked out. You looked at her, and she shrugged. - Sorry, did I step on your moment?

- That sentence is mine. - You heard Natasha's voice interrupt, probably joining you as soon as she heard the sound of conflict. You shook your head, laughing lightly as you stood up. - I'm taking our friend in for interrogation, so finish up here. - She said before dragging the man across the room and out. You were dusting off your clothes as you walked toward Wanda.

- Since we can't find anything around here, I guess we can go. - You grumble, and then let out an exclamation of discomfort, which attracts the attention of Wanda, who raises her eyes in your direction.

- Are you all right? - She asked, coming closer and raising her hands to where you were pressing yours, above your shoulder.

- Yes. - You retorted with mild surprise at her concern. - It was just the impact. 

You watched as Wanda's eyes ran quickly to your mouth, and you felt your heart race in anticipation. 

- Okay, then. - She grumbled, lowering her hands and placing them behind her back, looking everywhere but at you. You bit your lip, bringing your bodies closer together, as Wanda attempted to move away, but slammed her back against a cabinet, and let out a gasp.

- Are you nervous? - you ask quietly as you approach, watching Wanda's chest rise and fall out of rhythm. - I just want to thank you for helping me in the fight. - You whisper as you lift a finger to caress her cheek, Wanda holds her breath. Then you let your mouth come up to her ear. - Thank you, Wanda. You've been a good girl.

Wanda closes her eyes tightly, and her hips thrust forward. You smile smugly, as you turn your face to kiss her deeply. She moans against your tongue, and you push your body against her, pressing her into the cabinets.

Your hands move down her thighs, and as you kiss her hard, you push up the fabric of her skirt, and let your fingers run over her skin.  When you push the fabric of her panties aside and penetrate her, she breaks the kiss with a loud moan, and you sigh as you feel her all wet.

- Wanda, you're dripping, baby. - You whisper against her lips as you move your fingers across her swollen clitoris. - How long have you been waiting for me to touch you?

Wanda whimpers, burying her head in your neck. You swallow dryly, trying not to be carried away by the feeling of having her so hot, and concentrate on keeping the movements steady. And then you pull out of her only to insert another finger, and she bites your shoulder.

She is making delicious sounds as her hips push against your fingers, and you want to kiss her again, so you use your free hand to hold her neck and make her look at you. Wanda gasps in surprise, but matches your tongue in her mouth, moaning against you.

A moment later, she begins to quiver in spasms against you, whimpering as she tries to stand upright. You take your hand from her neck to hold her waist and keep her steady as you increase the speed of your fingers, and then Wanda comes, a loud moan with her mouth open as she digs her nails into your arm.

- What the hell is taking you guys so long? - You hear Steve's question on your communicator, and let out an impatient grumble. 

- We're coming. - You say raising your hand to the device in your ear and look at Wanda trying to normalize her breathing. - Wanda already did actually.

Wanda slaps your arm as you laugh lightly, but Steve doesn't seem to understand. And then you are hurrying out of the room. You like it when she kisses you deeply on the stairs, before you join the team.

//-//

When you all return home, Steve requests a meeting with you. After showering and putting on comfortable clothes, you go to the room where he is waiting.

- Hey, Y/N, what's up? - he asks, sitting in one of the chairs. You smile, nodding.

- Why did you want to talk to me? - You ask, and he lets out a chuckle at your impatience.

- I'd like to know how your appointments have been. - he says after a moment. - You have shown progress in your training. And it's been over two months since you've had any anger episodes.

You shift the weight on your feet, slightly embarrassed.

- It's all right, I guess. - You say. - I've learned to deal with things in a healthier way.

- I'm glad to hear that. - He smiles, and then he hesitates for the next second. - And how is your relationship with Wanda?

- We don't have a relationship. - You retorted snidely, your heart racing slightly. But Steve let out a little laugh.

- Bucky told me that you two have found a way to resolve your conflicts. - He said, getting up. - And you two are not fighting anymore.

- That's what you wanted, isn't it? - You say impatiently and Steve frowns at your hostility. - I don't know what else you want us to do.

- What's going on anyway? - he asks tenderly. - You seem upset about something.

You let out a humorless laugh, running your hands through your hair.

- I am great! Fucking spectacular. - You retort impatiently.

- Y/N...

- Can I go now, Rogers? - You interrupt and he sighs, nodding, and you turn, quickly leaving the room.

As you are crossing the hallway, you bump into Wanda. She looks at you in surprise, ready to apologize, but then you are moving forward and kissing her hard.

Wanda sighs, responding as you press her to the wall. But you slow the kiss and let your foreheads rest against each other.

- I'm sorry. - You say breathlessly. - I can't keep doing this.

And then you pull away, and Wanda calls out to you as you walk away, trying to breathe. 

//-//

Wanda catches up with you outside. You are trying not to punch anything, while focusing on your breathing. 

- Why won't you talk to me? - she shouts as she reaches you. - Tell me what's going on.

You let out a dry laugh, and turn sharply and walk toward her.

- Do you want to know what is going on? Great! - you retort angrily. - This is all happening because of you!

Wanda has a confused expression when you stop in front of her. 

- If you had just stayed out of my head, I would be fine! - You accuse angrily, but don't let her interrupt. - And if you'd stayed out of my bed, I wouldn't be in love with you!

You sigh breathlessly as you sit on the floor, your face wet with tears. Wanda is in shock, and remains standing. You feel terrible.

- Damn it, Wanda, I'm sorry! - you mumble, wiping away your tears, trying to remember your breathing exercises. - It's not your fault what happened to me. I'm being an idiot.

- You are in love with me? - She repeats, staring straight ahead without moving. She seems to be talking more to herself than to you. You let out a humorless laugh.

- Yeah, I... I have been for a while actually. - You tell. - I guess I didn't want it to be true.

But then Wanda is kneeling beside you, and she looks at you with watery eyes. 

- You are a stubborn idiot. - She says, laughing lightly, and you frown. But then she moves in and kisses you on the mouth, and you think nothing more of it. When she separates your mouths, she's as breathless as you are. - We'll make it work, okay? I'm in love with you too.

You smile, and then you are hugging each other. It takes a moment for the rest of the team to get to you two.

- Does this mean we will now hear them having sex instead of fighting? - Tony comments wryly, and you watch as Wanda raises her fingers and casts magic at him that pushes him back slightly.

You laugh, letting your happiness replace your anger completely.

DATING BTOB A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Lee Changsub

A ⇴ AFFECTION 

Changsub is always incredibly cuddly around him, it’s very much a habit of his to wrap his arms around you whenever you’re in reaching distance, he can’t help but have you as close as he can into him as often as possible.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING 

Your first meeting was all a bit of a misunderstanding, you caught Changsub pulling a funny face, presuming that he was doing it in your direction, pulling one back. It was only when you noticed a guy behind you, you realised it wasn’t actually at you, but Changsub was far too much of a tease to ignore what you’d done.

C ⇴ CONFESSION 

It all ended up working in your favour though, and the two of you got to know each other well. Changsub ended up confessing how much he enjoyed getting to know you through a short song that he’d written. Music was his best way of expressing himself, and so he invited you over to his place one day, with plenty of instruments laid out in the living room, inviting you to sit down and listen to what he had to say.

D ⇴ DATES 

His love for music often resonated into your dates as well, Changsub loved to take you to live gigs and other events in the city, whether it was music, a film, or even sometimes a comedy event, he loved seeing someone else go through the adrenaline of being on stage as he often experienced. You just tended to trust him and his suggestions on places that the two of you could go to, but they usually turned out to be a pretty good time anyway, with only a few minor hiccups along the way with some acts.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE 

Changsub had some old dating rumours which certainly played on his mind when the two of you began to get together. He was determined to keep you protected out of the vicious cycle that the Korean media could be, and make sure that you were sure that a relationship was something that you definitely wanted before things got too serious between you both. Changsub couldn’t help but worry, and also the last thing he wanted was to deal with the attention of a dating rumour once again.

F ⇴ FIGHTING 

If there was one thing you learnt about Changsub quite early on in your relationship, it was that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t hide whenever he was in a bad mood. It usually ended up working in your favour as you’d know when to steer clear of him and when not to start an argument because he was feeling pretty low. But if you managed to catch him off guard, then the bad mood would very quickly be very obvious to you, and once you’d been caught by his vents of frustrations, it was usually a pretty terrible loophole for you to find your way out of without the two of you arguing with each other first.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY 

Changsub was incredibly close with his family, which made you incredibly anxious to meet them all. You were terrified, putting off your first meeting for as long as you possibly could, until his sister’s birthday came around, and Changsub promised that you’d be in attendance without even asking you to join him.

H ⇴ HOME 

You were quite quick to move into Changsub’s place, he loved having you there and the company that you brought. It was no fun for him to mess around in such a nice apartment all by himself, and so having you there to enjoy it with him was definitely something that he wanted sooner rather than later in your relationship.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU” 

Changsub ended up being the first of the two of you to say, ‘I love you,’ on a letter that he wrote whilst BTOB were in the middle of a tour. He was far too nervous to ring you or say it in person, so at the end of a lengthy letter about all the adventures he’d been on so far, he signed it off with his name, and his confession too.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY 

Just like with his bad moods, it was very apparent to you too when Changsub would be feeling jealous too. His face always managed to give it away, how his eyes would narrow at whoever was making him feel jealous, and how he’d always poke his tongue against the inside of his cheek. Whenever you’d challenge him about it, he’d always vow that he wasn’t jealous, but as soon as you’d imitate the face that you saw him pulling across the room, he’d know the game was up and that he didn’t have a leg to stand on.

K ⇴ KIDS 

You certainly felt the pressure from his family to start considering a family of your own quite soon into your relationship. They knew the two of you were great, and it was obvious to them all that the two of you were going to stick together, and with that, their minds instantly looked to kids. Changsub could often only apologise for how forward they were, assuring them it was something you’d think about when the time was right.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER 

Changsub had plenty of quirks and weird habits that meant there weren’t many times around him that you didn’t have a smile on your face. You never knew quite what to expect from him next, one minute he’d be serious and an adult, the next minute he’d be running around the place like a kid, trying to get you involved in all sorts of pranks and jokes on the other members. Changsub loved to enjoy himself and was more than happy in expressing himself and how crazy he could be without the fear of what others would think. All that mattered was that you loved and enjoyed the person that he was.

M ⇴ MISSING 

Just like with many other stages of emotion, it was very clear to the group when Changsub was missing you on the road too. Of course, as with his jealous, he’d argue that he was fine, but the group hadn’t spent a decade together for no reason, they knew Changsub better than he knew himself sometimes. Eventually they’d manage to wear him down into admitting that he was struggling, but not before he made them all promise that they wouldn’t tell you how low he was feeling, because as he always told them, and you, the last thing he wanted to do was make the tour more difficult for you.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES 

Changsub loved to give you cute nicknames that he knew would make you blush. He was always coming up with new ones, sometimes very random, but each one always managed to get him a reaction out of you.

O ⇴ OBSESSION 

He was obsessed with your eyes, he could always tell exactly what was going on and how you were feeling, usually just by the way that you looked back at him.

P ⇴ PDA 

You could never expect Changsub to be normal with his affection in public, he loved to clown around, and would often play up to any cameras that were around too, knowing that the fans loved to see the two of you too. No matter what, it would always take you by surprise, and leave him scolded when you got home too.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS 

He’ll always make sure to check in and see how you are at various points throughout your day together. Your eyes are always a giveaway, so if you lie, then he’ll just keep asking until he gets the truth out of you.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS 

You’ll often find yourself falling asleep with your fingers tracing over Changsub’s tattoos, usually with him already fast asleep beside you. You’ll often doodle new ones too, tracing random patterns along his arm or his ribcage. Although he never lets on, the feeling of your fingers trailing along his skin is definitely a feeling that helps him sleep tonight, although he’s far too scared to admit that to you in person.

S ⇴ SEX 

For the most part, Changsub is always incredibly loving when it comes to intimacy, he enjoys the moment and the adrenaline rush that comes with it. However, it usually isn’t long before he starts up with his usual antics, when he finds himself falling too deeply, he’ll come out with a joke or make a funny remark to try and make things a little less intense between the two of you, never quite knowing how to cope with the sudden passion.

T ⇴ TEXTS 

If he can’t ask you in person how you’re doing, then Changsub will often text you instead. Although he never wholly trusts in your response, the fact that you responded alone is usually a good enough sign for him.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE 

More than anything else, Changsub loves that you’re someone who can really appreciate his sense of humour and give him somewhere to be himself. He never has to hide or pretend around you, because you love every part of who he is.

V ⇴ VACATION 

It had been quite a while since Changsub got to spend some time with his family, and so when the chance to go away came around, he decided to create a huge trip for you, him, and his family too. It was also the perfect chance for you to get to know them more too, and another event that you couldn’t back out of.

W ⇴ WHINING 

There were definitely times that Changsub would whine, whilst he didn’t crave attention, sometimes he just couldn’t help but want your eyes on him.

X ⇴ XXXXX 

He would love nothing more than when he was able to tease you with his kisses, he loved to pull away just as you began to deepen a kiss, or tug gently against your bottom lip when you were busy in the hope that it would distract you from what you were doing and put your attention on him. However, if you ever did that to him, you could be guaranteed to be in big trouble with him, unimpressed by your antics.

Y ⇴ YOU 

You were his best friends, together you were the best possible team.

Z ⇴ ZZZ 

The struggle was definitely real when it came to trying to wake Changsub up in the morning. You’d never known someone sleep as well as he did, often resorting to dangerous tactics to try and wake him up and get him out of bed.

---

Masterlist

Fluff alphabet *Hawks*

(I didn't proofread this. Sorry for any mistakes!) <3

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

He just loves you. He definitely melts over your mind. You have a very different way of thinking. He never felt a connection with anyone... except for you.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your eyes. He loves them. The shape. The color. Everything. He know the "eyes are the window to the soul" he feels a deep connection when he look into your eyes.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

Hawks loves to cuddle. That isn't a secret. He really likes the 'honeymoon hug' position so he can create a little fort with his wings for you both.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

Any date with you would make him happy. He specifically like dates where you are at home. Just you two. Maybe watching a movie or just talking. Really fancy restaurant dates are mainly for holidays or special occasions.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

He isn't very emotional. By "not very" I mean he is not. He doesn't understand his emotions. The deeper into your relationship, he will be more likely to say how he feels.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

I am very split on this. I feel like he does want kids, he is just is scared. He is rarely home. He also is scared on if he can be enough emotional support to his child. His parents obviously weren't good influences so, he doesn't know how to be a "good" parent. It is honestly up to you. If you want kids he will be up for the challenge! If you don't want kid he is fine as well.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

He LOVES giving gifts. If you're sad he will get you the most expensive jewelry that Tiffany's has! It can be rather annoying sometimes. Especially if you simply just need someone to vent to.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

He likes the whole thing. Why hold your hand if he is just going to do it weakly. Fingers have to be fully interlocked. (Also, his hands are always cold.)

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

He would skip denial (5 stages of grief) and go straight to anger. If your injury is so bad that you end up in the hospital, he will literally get angry at nurses for getting close to you. Hawks would say something like

-"just let me change the IV!"

The poor nurse would have to be like

-"um... are you a trained professional?"

With enough convincing he would let the nurse do their job. Other than that he is extremely cautious of you. Even if you just scrape your knee he will act as if it was the end of the world.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

YES. If you like humorous guys, he is perfect for you. He is always joking around and laughing. He has a pretty grey humor. He doesn't joke about inappropriate things though, don't worry.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

He likes long and passionate kisses. It kind of depends though.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

I am split between physical touch and gift giving. Gift giving is when you two are really far apart. You will get your favorite flowers and candy in the mail.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Probably your first date. He took you to a restaurant and that was the day he found out that he really likes you. Before you he thought he was incapable of love. He soon realized that he

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Losing you. He can't even think about it. Hawk's loves you alot. He needs so much reassurance that you won't leave him.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

*quirk=habits, not "powers"*

I actually did something with this same concept! One that I very lightly touched on was when he is happy his wings will raise. All his emotions are in his wings. If he is angry, his wings puff out. Scared? They kind of curl around him.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

We all know the classic "baby bird" which I totally agree with he will call you bird pet names... something tells me that he find those to be a bit to cheesy for his liking. I just feel like you would be more likely to call him bird-ish names than he is. If you want him too he definitely will though! Again, he likes to show you off so if he is like

"This is my baby bird"

He will get weird stares. He will most likely call you "baby" "darling" "love"

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Hawk's favorite thing is to be with you. Whether it's cuddling, or just talking. He doesn't have a favorite way to spend time with you.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Female: what makes you beautiful- 1D

"Baby, you light up my world like nobody else"

-ok so imagine you two just jamming out to music then... this song comes on. He will scream it at the top of his lungs while looking you straight in the eyes.

Male: I think he knows- taylor swift

"He got my heartbeat, Skipping down 16th Avenue"

-Truth is, hawks is obsessed with you. Ever since he met you, he has been in a better mood. He literally blushes by just thinking about you!

Non-binary: yellow- coldplay

"Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you"

- you and hawks are sitting at the very top of the city. The only lights are from the bright moon and stars. This song is playing softly in the distance.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

He has a lot of secret. He just wants to protect you. That is probably his worst habit. With time he will be more open.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

I would say you knew each other for at least a year before you started dating. At when you met he would flirt alot. It kind of depends on how you handled it. If you flirted as well he would freak out and kind of distance himself from you, until he realized he couldn't be away from you. If you don't flirt back he will continue flirting until you get interested then he freaks out and yeah. The rest is history

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

I also kind of touched on this before. He will get extremely quiet or will explode. He rarely will ever yell though. He has a tendency to just get up and leave. He has a hard time talking about how he feels.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

Hawk's loves to show you off. He will be on patrol with one of his hero friends and will be like

"Oh! I haven't showed you they picture that y/n sent to me"

He definitely, 1000% is the type of person to find a way to connect you to every conversation he has. He can be talking to someone about something so random like music for example:

"Yeah, my s/o hates that genre"

the person he is talking to will be like: ??????

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

For the most part, Hawks hates when you fight. Even if you "win" he will still be extremely angry. He can't even imagine losing you, it would hurt too much. If you're a pro-hero he would worry a little

less. He knows you're strong and can handle your own but, you're his love. He needs to know that he can protect you.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

No matter how hard you hide your emotions, he always can read you. The only problem he has is understanding how to help you. Before you, he never really had to empathize with anyone on a personal level.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

I don't see him having a huge proposal. It was probably a spur of the moment. I can only see one of two ways. 1; one of you get badly injured and Hawks realized that he can't bare to lose you. 2; it started as a joke but both of realize that you were both ready.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Wrapping you both in his wings. He knows that in that moment, no one can hurt you.

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt.29

warnings: this cannot be read solo

Links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 22, part 23, part 23.5, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27, part 28, part 30

Masterlist to my other fics: here :) (that has not been updated for how many months now... proceed with caution~)

“And that's about it.” You clicked the send button and stretched your limbs.

You weren’t too sure how many hours had passed but after venting it all out to Tsukauchi, you felt much better. The weight you carried still lingered but your mind was much clearer now. Looking at the office window, the skies were now a shade of pink. Not in the mood for cheap coffee, you stood up and took a peak at Tsukauchi’s desk.

Papers scrawled and pens scattered, Tsukauchi’s head was resting on his arms as he too snoozed off. Finding his sticky notes, you left him a small message telling him where you would be going.

You could always head home and freshen up but with the small window of time, the chief might call you out for being tardy. He’d been leaving you alone for the past few weeks and you hoped it would last a bit longer.

Making your way towards the cafe, you marveled at the emptiness the streets had. Quite some time had passed since the last time you took an all nighter. Now that you think about it, ever since that injury, you have been able to get an adequate amount of rest. Every now and then, food would be delivered followed by a text complaining how you were annoying.

Entering the cafe, you walked towards the counter. Greeted by a rather huge smile, all you could give was a forced one.

“Do you h-”

“Someone already ordered for you.” The cashier said. Telling you to wait, you went to a vacant table and took your phone out. It barely took 3 minutes before she came back holding a paper bag. “Shinoda-san has already paid the bill so you’re good to go~”

“How kind of him…” You took the bag and exited the building. The streets slowly getting congested as the seconds ticked by. Dialling his number, he picked up after the 4th ring. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“I put it on a tab.” Overhaul replied. His voice was muffled by his mask. “Everything I bought for you has been recorded and will be sent to you monthly.”

“That’s just mean…”

“That’s what you get for working overtime and not going home as we had agreed.”

“It was last minute, you dumbass.” You huffed but knew he was teasing. “Are you waiting for me to say ‘I’ll make it up to you. What can I do for you, Chisaki?’ or something like that?”

“Perhaps. It is still quite early but I did come bearing news.” He paused and you could hear papers shuffling. “I feel as though you already know that the Fukuo Kai case will start in about a week or two. I was thinking perhaps we should have a private meeting.”

“With Tsukauchi?” You stopped walking.

“Are you that dense?”

“I’m kidding. What do you wanna do?” Finding a nearby bench, you took a seat and took the sandwich out.

“I recall someone saying that their definition of a good date was something along the lines of ‘You and Me against the world?’”

“Go on…” The smile building on your face couldn’t be kept hidden anymore.

“I’ve booked us tickets. If things go as planned then perhaps the day after the Fukuo Kai case would be a good end to all this.”

“A parting gift I presume?” The smile slowly faded when you remembered what came after. The sandwich now tasted horrible. You waited for him to speak up but there was nothing but silence. “Alright. The day after the case sounds good.”

“I’ll pick you up at 6. Wear something nice.”

Ending the call, you stared at your sandwich. A week or two then once that’s passed, it wouldn’t be long before Overhaul’s case would be pushed to your priority list. Looking back towards the direction of the precinct, you decided to save the sandwich for later.

Now that you were seated and facing your computer once more, you decided to recheck your schedule.

Sure enough, there really was less than 3 weeks left of the Fukuo Kai case before things would finally be handed over. A meeting with the chief was also in store a few days from now to go over the plans for the raid. Upon further scrolling, you noted how Tsukauchi had set up a date for a stake out. Clicking on the attached comment, you wondered as to why it had taken this amount of time for them to make their move.

“You awake yet, Nao?” You knocked on your cubicle.

“Barely.” He grumbled. “What’s up?”

“Regarding this stake out, do you think we can push it to 4 days from now?”

“I’m not really sure. It’ll depend on Overhaul since he will be your partner for that one.” He leaned to take a peek at your station.

“Overhaul? Why?”

“Dunno. I just thought that it’s been a while since you two teamed up.” He shrugged as he dragged his chair closer to yours. “But it’s mostly because my schedule doesn’t fit. I have to meet up with All Might for the whole week. I did ask a few others but you can guess they turned it all down out of fear.”

“Hmm. No surprise.” You tapped your index finger on the mouse. Reminding yourself to call him later regarding the sudden change of plans, you leaned on your chair. “Who’s going to be in this meeting with chief?”

“The two of you and Shinezu.”

“Poor guy.”

“It’ll do him good. Speaking of which, we have to go over the initial plan for the raid. Do you wanna do it today or save it for some other time?” Choosing the first option, Tsukauchi nodded and went back to his desk. Grabbing the necessary documents, he waited for you to prepare and led you towards a private meeting room.

“Now that we're at it,” You took the adjacent seat. “What are the updates? I haven’t really heard anything about them for quite some time now.”

“Heh. Things got a little more complicated during your sick leave.” Sliding one folder, he waited for your reaction. Seeing how your eyes widened, he let out an exhausted sigh. “As if one organization is enough, having to deal with an alliance means more trouble for us.”

“Tsk. Damn it. When did you gather this information? What source did you get this from?”

“Believe it or not, the chief actually did some work and gave us this as some sort of peace offering.”

Peace offering? What was the man planning?

“When did you receive this?” You carefully read the details.

“If I recall, it was the day before you came back to work.” He shyly scratched his nape. “It’s kinda my fault, though. I honestly forgot to inform you regarding this information.”

“It’s fine.” You assured him. “I’m thankful you didn’t relay the information right then and there. So, it says here that we infiltrate them at their headquarters. The information was true? Their headquarters are downtown?”

“That’s right. The intel we gathered showed us that movement around that certain street has picked up. Akuji was spotted as well. He’s been involved from the very start, I presume?”

“Well, he was at that gala and the head of the Fukuo Kai gave him a business card. It’s only logical he is. But to go there in person only means bad things. Any ideas?”

“If it were a higher ups meeting, Overhaul should’ve been there. Unless they know he’s involved with us?”

“He’s not.” Overhaul was shady but you trusted him enough that he would have told you if he were called to attend a gathering. For once, he was in the clear. Or so you hoped. You’d have to inquire about that once you call him later. “My guess is that they too are finalizing whatever plan they have in store. With that being said, have you any clue as to what their main agenda is now?”

“We suspect that their main agenda now is to take over at least 50 percent of the yakuza network. Overhaul’s connections are rather large so they must be feeling pretty confident to make a move now.” Tsukauchi rested his chin on his index finger. “Akuji was one person we saw. The other one was Tamisura.”

“Hmm. Any sighting of Nokusu?” It had been a while since you last mentioned their names. The last time you spoke of them was days before the gala. Tamisura, with the momentum like quirk, and Nokusu with his shadow manipulation quirk.

“None. I am not confident whether or not it is safe to assume that they have declined the invitation to take part with the Fukuo Kai.” He shrugged. “I just kinda wished it was Nokusu we were dealing with and not Tamisura. We barely know anything about her quirk.”

“I’ll ask chief about his encounter.” You answered. “Perhaps the other precincts can provide us with some information. Whether it be big or small, we’ll take it. I do agree with you, though. It just had to be her.”

“Try asking Overhaul too. Perhaps they know something about her.” He watched as you nodded. “As for the plan, there aren’t too many changes from before. Overhaul will have to carry our asses for the last part but I feel as though he can do his part well.”

“I hope so.”

With the minor details now explained, you found yourself walking towards the chief’s office. Closing your eyes and sending off as silent prayer, you only hoped things would be fine. Knocking on the door, he gave you the permission to enter.

“Chief.” You greeted him.

“Oh~ (Y/N).” He closed the folder and motioned for you to sit down. “How can I help my favorite star, hmm?”

“I just wanted to ask you about Tamisura. What exactly did you see regarding her quirk?”

“Ah.” He leaned on this squeaky chair’s back. “Fine woman, I might say. Her quirk made her move at insane speeds. Because of the momentum, it was rather hard to stop her. When she moves, a trail of yellow light follows her. If my memory serves me right, then, I believe it would take her awhile to fully use her quirk?”

“Like charging herself?”

“Don’t take my word for it.” He raised both his hands up. “During that particular instance, one of my men noticed how she kept distance before attacking. Perhaps that’s the downside to her quirk. As for the duration, I cannot give any information.”

“This is more than enough.” You stood up and bowed. “Thank you for the cooperation and I apologize for disturbing you.”

“Anything for you, my star~” He winked.

Suppressing a groan, you awkwardly smiled and hurriedly left the room. Your prayers had been heard and the interaction was clean. The given information wasn’t much but it was something. Taking your phone out, you dialed Overhaul.

Strangely enough, he didn’t answer. Then again, you were sure he was doing whatever he did at 9am in the morning. The mental image you had as to what his activities were were rather vague but you could only hope he wouldn’t indulge in them too much. Who were you kidding? He was messed up. You were too for harboring feelings.

Not wanting to stay any longer, you informed Tsukauchi that you would be heading home.

When you locked your car doors, your phone rang. Checking who it was, you immediately answered it.

“You called?”

“I know it’s sudden but you think you can clear your schedule for me?”

“What exactly do you need, Problem Child?”

“I just wanna ask you a few questions about the Fukuo Kai case.”

“Does it have to be in person?” His voice was rather teasing. Admittedly, you always loved it when he spoke with that tone. “Alright. I shall see you where?”

“My apartment is fine. I’ll arrive there in about 30 minutes, so just take your time.”

“See you then.” He paused at your silence of a few seconds. “What?”

“Bring food! Bye~!” You ended the call immediately. Giggling at the moment, you tossed your phone to the seat and began your drive back home.

- - - - -

Hello everyone! It's me!

I know I haven't updated the story in 3 months? And I apologize :( My family has well recovered from the COVID scare of last year. What took its place was my declining mental health due to my shitty work environment. I could barely write any of my fics and even when I did write a new one, I could only hold on to very little chapters before feeling down and useless T.T

As to the next upload, I am not sure when but I can promise you that the next chapter is currently being written as we speak :) I hope you guys liked the 2 new chapters! and if you enjoyed the whole story, feel free to buy me a ko-fi.. it'll greatly help me :')

See you all in the next update!

PS. I didn't mention the tag list cause maybe ya'll don't want to be tagged anymore hehehe if you do want to be tagged then please feel free to message me or comment :)

Hiii again!! I cant get enough with ur writing. Please if u dont mind making one., again? UMM where Langris is very jealous to the black bull bcoz his s/o (fem) (a member of black bull) and shes very close with them. Or just along the lines? Thank you agaaain!!

Hello again my dear!! No need to apologize, you can send in as much as your heart desires. I am deeply sorry this is sooooo shamefully late. Chronic health difficulties have gotten a bit complicated lately and I'm trying to be more consistent with this blog. Hopefully the scenario was worth the wait!

Also I headcanon William is the squad's therapist on many occasions, you can't change my mind 💀

Scenario: Langris Vaude's fem s/o is in the black bulls.. and he's jealous!!

No matter how much he pushed the aching itch at the front of his mind away, or brushed aside the little intrusive thoughts he experienced day by day, sometimes even going so far as to manifest them in little growls of frustration and the tightening of his jaw... Langris Vaude was failing horribly... Miserably, even, to set aside his personal emotions regarding the whereabouts of his partner.

She... With those gorgeous (e/c) sparkling hues that always lit up at the sight of something she loved.. and the way the sunlight often glimmered so flawlessly against the soft sheen of her hair - was far too beyond his reach for his comfort. Not only that, it completely wracked at his nerves on a daily basis.. that he... That person.. got to see her and her beauty far more than Langris ever did.

His brother. And the black bulls in general. So unworthy of her presence, her stunning grace. Not only that, he knew about his damn brother. And even he had to admit that he'd be a blind fool not to recognize such a gorgeous woman in his proximity. Considering that shameless flirting habit, it made him grit his teeth knowing that Finral was inevitably wooing her on a daily basis. Beyond his control.

"Does he even realize how lucky he is to be graced with her mere presence?? So undeserving.."

This had been Langris' current obsession for about a month now, and it haunted him, even going as far as losing sleep against his own will. It was getting to the point that he was grinding his teeth and mumbling to himself, much to the dismay and terror of his subordinates as he passed them by in the HQ's long hallways... Probably fearing for their lives being so close to his dangerous aura, permeating off of him like a toxin.

But after one last all-nighter of complete mental torture, he was done in, he had finally caved. It took a lot, and I mean a shit load of stress to force Langris into swallowing his pride. Something he was about to do that morning.

He knew Captain Vangeance was up, even at this ungodly hour. The man seemed to enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn to get a head start on his work load, for the sake of having spare time in the evenings to tend to his private garden. Yet here was he, concerningly deep and dark bags under his eyes, as he paced and debated with himself outside the Captain's door to his office, feeling held back by his own dignity on the line to actually knock.

Eventually though, his choice was made for him, as his mumbling was interrupted by the door opening up. There was his Captain, the same trademark amiable smile on his face as he appeared before him, seemingly in a bit of a preoccupied hurry. He halted completely though upon spotting his Vice Captain, raising a brow, before his expression immediately faltered into a look of concern at the sight of Langris appearing so unhinged. Was something going on that he had failed to notice?

"Langris, good morning. You look troubled. Is there something I can help you with?" He tilted his head expectantly, a friendly and welcoming look in his eyes behind that mask of his. Langris bit his lip.. somehow the open offer made him feel even more on edge than he'd expected. Geez.. why did his Captain have to be such an insufferable softie??

Giving a few reluctant grumbles, the shorter spacial mage gave a slow nod. "Yeah... I came for some.. advice" he said, begrudgingly managing to spit out the last word distastefully. And to his slight surprise, Vangeance didn't hesitate to give a nod and he opened up the door to his office, offering the space for the two of them. "Of course. Step inside."

There was a bit of an awkward quietness as they did just that, Langris being sure to avoid eye contact - as he instead focused on the sensation of a crisp breeze passing by through the opened windows and the faint scent of the flowers William cared for in his office. It brought "life" to the space, the Captain had said.. it had made Langris scoff.

He watched Vangeance approach his desk, but instead of circling around to take a seat, he settled for leaning back against the wooden mahogany top, letting it support his weight. "Alright. What's on your mind?" He asked. It honestly sometimes amazed Langris how the Captain managed to speak in a way that was both gentle and calming, yet straightforward and confident.

"I... Have.... A girlfriend..." He started after an agonizingly long pause. Each word seemed so painfully difficult to force out through gritted teeth. But after another few passing moments, the image popped into his tormented mind again. Finral... That ridiculous, stupid, idiotic grin on his face as he flirted in the most unbecoming, disrespectful way to his precious y/n. And that was it - his resolve broke. And his insecurities became less important than his need to vent.

"She's with the black bulls. She's a magic knight under Yami and... Sometimes I just get so pissed off that my damn good for nothing brother gets to spend far more time with her than I ever can. I'm so busy and swamped with work here that I hardly even have time to make plans.. and take her on dates. I want to treat her with the respect and care she deserves, but.. I can't. And that makes me afraid."

He was gritting his teeth, utterly humiliated as tears began to prick his eyes. Why? He figured it was probably because he hadn't actually talked about his feelings with someone in ages. Perhaps he'd repressed more than he realized.

"Afraid she'll abandon you for something or someone else..?" William prompted gently. And Langris nodded. "Yeah.. I mean, my brother. We all know he was the one out of my family that our peers preferred. I was better, I was praised, I was rewarded on a materialistic level for talent. But I was never.. liked. In the way he was. With that whole soft hearted sensitive guy display. She's around him, all day, every day.. and I just... I..."

He finally cracked a bit more and planted his face in his hands, unable to finish. Completely destraught. And he was forced in that moment to face his own inner ugliness - the insecurities and jealousy he felt so much shame for harboring at all.

William gave him a brief moment, both to ensure he had finished saying all he needed to express, and to truly consider those words. He hummed. "I see. It seems this is something that's been deeply disturbing you and impacting your health, even. A very painful and helpless situation, by the sound of it. It pains me to see you so destraught, Langris."

For a moment, as Vangeance removed his mask and placed it neatly beside him, Langris mistook a look of sympathy and empathy in those eyes for something as disgusting as pity. And he snapped, making an impulsive remark in his state of frightened vulnerability.

"Whatever. As if you have any experience with women to begin with, what with that face-"

He halted abruptly before he could finish. No, that was unacceptably harsh. "I apologize." He mumbled, a moment later. William Vangeance sighed deeply, brushing off the remark. It clearly stung but he was far more concerned about his underling than himself at that moment. "You're forgiven, Langris."

The Vice Captain began to shuffle and twitch nervously, this was going so much worse than he even thought possible. But that changed with William's next words.

"Langris. I think you ought to have a little more faith in your partner's judgement, and her decision making. Despite all the time she spends with the black bulls, and your brother, she still chose you, above them. She developed those special feelings for you, and at the end of the day, you are her person.. the person she loves. Trust that judgement of hers, and that she hand selected you for a reason. Women are smart like that, they hardly waste their time with someone they aren't interested in. I am positive she cherishes you, and thinks of you, every day."

He smiled, and even approached his subordinate with a warmth in his expression. "I think.. perhaps it would reassure you to reach out to her, a bit more. She understands you have a lot of responsibility, but with women, I've definitely perceived that they appreciate even the smallest gestures immensely. Send her hand written notes, flowers, or even sweets. Whatever you know she likes the most, and would appreciate as a gesture of affection. It will remind her that you're thinking of her, and likewise, I'm positive she will respond to you in a way that provides you some peace of mind. Rekindle that romance, and maybe even.. consider opening up to her about your feelings, like you have right now."

Langris interrupted, shaking his head stubbornly. "No. Then she'll know how weak I am" he stated. Vangeance chuckled, his smile softening. "Hmm.. I disagree. I can garuntee you that she will perceive such vulnerability as trust. She'll see that you trust her integrity to confide in her. That will strengthen your relationship with her more than anything else. I promise.. just try it once, and tell me how it works out."

Langris puffed a sigh through his cheeks. "Fine... Fine. Fine." He repeated the word, each time a bit more in defeat. "Listen.. I'll try it, but only because I'm desperate. And because I want to, not because you told me to."

With that, William held back a grin of amusement, and he nodded in satisfaction. "Of course. Hopefully, that will help you out. But besides that.. I think I'm going to give you some time off. Go see her, and spend some quality time by her side. I think it would do you some good."

Langris raised a brow, seemingly a bit confused. "But Captain, all my work-" he was interrupted by a hand, that was held upwards with a sense of finality. "No buts. Besides... Your quality of work is suffering anyway due to your current state of health. I'd rather you go take care of yourself first, then return to finish up your tasks properly. Until then, I'll take care of things. You have my word that everything will be fine."

Langris took a few long moments to ponder this, and his Captain's gesture. He started to realize more and more, working alongside Vangeance, why his squad was so fiercely loyal to him, and that their team was so successful to begin with.

"Alright. I'll accept your offer. Vangeance..."

He glanced up at his Captain sheepishly as he followed the scarred man towards the exit of his office.

"Thank you. Very much."

How would Jonathan Crane react to eventually reuniting with one of his old students? Someone who actually really looked up to him and admired his passion for teaching, but was one of the quieter students who never spoke up in class. But now that he's no longer their teacher, they feel much more comfortable talking to him?

Sorry this took so long to write! I got... a bit... carried away... uhhh. Here’s my first ever full-ass fanfic, kept under the read more like always! I hope you like it!

p.s. if the formatting on this is too weird, I also have it on my ao3 here

Jon + Reuniting with a Former Student!

It’s incredible how little he seemed to age over the years. His auburn hair might have gotten a bit greyer and thinner, and the lines under his eyes have gotten darker, but he remained just as tall, as intimidating as he was those years ago. After all these years, Jonathan Crane still goes to the same café, orders the same coffee, and even sits in the same seat. In a way, you almost admired how little he cared about keeping his identity a secret.

Of course, the last time you saw him in this café, it was during his office hours, and you had come to talk with him about the midterm. Now he’s… well. You know.

A wanted criminal.

A killer.

The Scarecrow.

You’re shocked how no one has noticed him sitting there except for yourself- a testament to how thoroughly desensitized Gothamites are towards flamboyant villainy. Or, possibly, the burlap mask does work to hide his identity. Probably a combination of the two, you figured.

 You absentmindedly tapped your fingers along the table. You should have left the moment you saw him; anyone who’s watched the news would never want to be in the same room as the fucking Scarecrow. Who knows what he might do? What if he floods the air vents with fear toxin? What if he lunges at a waitress for getting his order wrong?

Yet… you still haven’t left, he has yet to create any incidents, and… you still want to talk to him. It’s not like the opportunity will ever present itself again. When will you get this chance?

Fuck it, let's go. you thought. The worst-case scenario is that you get to take a few days off from work to detox yourself. The threat of fear toxin has almost become as routine for the average Gothamite as getting into a car accident; unexpected, unfortunate, and it certainly ruins your day, but it’s nothing new. Finishing your coffee, you rose from your seat to approach him.

 As you got to his table, you felt your stomach churn as Crane’s eyes darted from his book to you. He watched you with caution, his mouth pressed into a familiar displeased line. He looked mildly annoyed by your presence, but he said nothing. He doesn’t need to say anything for you to understand his unspoken threat- what will happen to yourself and everyone in this building if you chose to make his presence known. In an attempt to make things appear more casual, you took the seat across from him. He quirked a brow, but allowed it.

You might have thought you didn’t make a presence, but Jonathan Crane never forgets a face. Especially the face of someone brave enough to take his class.

You opened your mouth to speak, but Crane cuts you off. “No need to exchange formalities here.” he gestured vaguely to the surrounding café patrons. “This is hardly the place. Before you ask, yes, I do remember you- your final paper on cognitive dissonance was… adequate.” He took a sip of coffee. “If you’re asking me to change your grade, well, it’s a bit late for that.”

“Oh...” You didn’t even remember the grade you got on that final. “Well… I won’t bother you for long… I just wanted to pop in for a quick chat.”

He rolled his eyes and dog-eared his spot on his book. “Alright, but make it quick.”

...

.......

“Um..." You stutter. "... What are you doing here?”

Crane’s nose twitched. “All the things you could ask me, and you choose that?” He paused for a moment, and sighed. “Fine. If I’m being honest, no one makes coffee as good, cheap, and black as this old haunt does. Furthermore, even I get nostalgic sometimes.”

...

........

The two of you awkwardly stare at each other.

“If you don’t have anything else to tell me, you can leave.” he said.

...Better cut to the chase, then.

“I’ll leave you alone, but before I do…" You linger off, trying to find the right words. "I just wanted to let you know that you were my favorite professor back when I was in college. You changed me for the better... if you can believe it.”

Crane's eyes widened, and he disdainfully shook his head. “Of all the professors you could have chosen, and you decide that I’m your favorite? I thought I had taught you better than that. All of my research, my field data on fear, and yet I somehow fail to scare away a former student. Pathetic”

“I suppose you still have some work to do, then.” You told him.

“Yes,” he mused. “I suppose so.”

 There’s more silence, before Crane decided to press further. “May I ask why?”

“I wasn’t in a good place back in school… I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn’t know how to articulate those thoughts into a vocal, healthy way... You though, you were always so passionate during your lectures” You explained. “Even if the tests were hard, and I hated having to cram for them. Coming to class and watching you talk about whatever, it was nice. You gave me hope that I’ll have that fire too, once I graduate.”

Something about that seemed to get to Crane. He blinked in surprise, and the irritated expression he had throughout the entire exchange… disappeared. His eyes softened just a bit, and his shoulders lowered into a more natural position. He studied your face, trying to find the smallest hint of deceit; something to let him know that this was just another joke. When he couldn’t find any, he sank back into his chair, his face now unreadable.

....

“... Did you find that fire?” He quietly asked.

“I don’t know... but I at least found enough to talk to you, even after all these years.”

The quiet returned, but it’s less awkward now, more comfortable. The air surrounding the table seemed to settle, and you could finally breathe.

“If it means anything to you, I am... flattered by the kind words.” Crane muttered something else under his breath, but you could make out a very restrained “Thank you”.

 “I’ve got to go now, but thank you for your time, Professor.” You got up from your chair, hesitating. “It was good to see you again… I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now.”

He graciously nods his head. “It was… good to see you too… I enjoyed our talk.”

Before you could go any further towards the exit, he beckoned you back.

“Before you go- don’t drink from your tap next Tuesday. I’ll be testing out a city-wide experiment then.” He whispered.

Your eyes widened, and you quickly nodded your head. You needed to update your health insurance anyway. You thanked him again, bid him farewell, and left.

 Jonathan remained in his seat as he watched you leave. He took a glance at his watch, wincing slightly at how much time had passed. He ought to be headed back to his hideout, assuming he wanted his plan to work on time.

Hmph- that’s what I get for getting sentimental. He finished the last sip of coffee lingering at the bottom of his cup, and shuffled his papers back into his satchel. It was good while it lasted, he supposed. Jonathan rapped his fingers along the table.

How long has it been since he’s been here last? Ten... no... twelve years? Dear god.

Despite the time gap, the café was just how he remembered it. Of course, things have changed- repainted walls, some refurbished furniture, and all of the regulars he shared the space with have long-since retired or graduated. Still though, things were fundamentally the same. College students mingling with each other, some trying to tutor less than-enthused peers, some study groups feverishly swapping notes with each other. The minimum-wage baristas, as expected, passed the time by flirting, or trying to study for their own classes. Yes, everything was just the same as he had left it.

And in the thick of the chaos, in the corner table sat Jonathan Crane, either up to his neck in library books, or helping out his students. Despite a more casual setting, the café had become just as academic of a place to Jonathan as the Gotham U libraries or the psychology conferences he used to attend.

 His train of thought was broken as the waitress gently cleared her throat.

“Sir?” she asked. “Would you like your check?”

He thought about it for a moment. He did have work to do… but…

“Actually, could I get a refill?”

“Of course. Black coffee, right?”

“That’s right. Thank you”

Jonathan watched her take his cup away, and he pulled his book and notes back out. The fear toxin can wait.

Let him stay in this moment... just a bit longer.

wall of jealousy

bakugou katsuki x f!reader

5.2k words

warnings: SMUT!!! rough sex oops, sliiiiiight toxicity if you couldn’t raging jealousy toxic, cursing, semi-public sex

Bakugou couldn’t help but feel jealous when his girlfriend would interact with other guys. But, he also couldn’t do anything because their relationship was supposed to be a secret.

a/n: I made this for my good friend, cristina’s bday yay! hope u like it! also this is my first fic in a while so feel free to leave feedback! also, i did not prood-read. oops <3

It was the start of a new school day at UA and y/n couldn’t help but feel tired. She accidentally stayed up all night binging some new romance anime that Yaoyorozu told her to watch. It was about two high-schoolers who were in love with each other but kept it a secret from everyone else. ‘How ironic...’ thought y/n. She was in a secret relationship with her new boyfriend Bakugo Katsuki. They’ve been dating for about a month now and have yet to tell anyone about it. It all started when Bakugo couldn’t help but admire y/n’s dedication to class and especially her drive to become a top hero. Uncharacteristically, he worked up the courage to ask y/n out after training one day. Y/n was shocked at his confession, but when she saw him all flustered and blushing she couldn’t say no. As the past month went by, she learned more and more about this worked up, hot-headed boy. She learned that even though he seemed very confident, he was also a bit insecure. By learning that, she also found out that he got jealous easily. Very easily.

And she had to learn it the hard way. One day, y/n was just asking Midoriya for the notes for the homework since she knew that he was very organized and detailed with notes. They were just having a casual conversation about class, then Midoriya said something funny and y/n laughed. What y/n didn’t notice, was Bakugo fuming in his chair as he stared daggers into Midoriya’s back. “Dude, what’s up...?” said Kirishima as he followed Bakugo’s eyes to y/n and Midoriya talking, “Did Midoriya do something to piss you off again, dude?” “That damn, Deku... always trying to piss me off and trying to be number one for everything. I’ll show him who’s number one,” Bakugo said with his arms crossed and smoke practically coming out of his ears. Kiri gave him a look of confusion, “Number one for what? He’s just talking to y/n, bro.” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOR WHAT? HE’S TRYING TO FLIRT WITH MY-” says Bakugo as he caught himself slipping up, “I mean, ergh... he’s just trying to prove he’s better than me by bragging to y/n about stupid shit. Tsk.” Kiri raised his brow at him, but he looked away, avoiding eye contact. Kiri just shrugged it off by thinking it was just another one of Bakugo’s pointless rampages. The reason that Bakugo wanted to keep his relationship with y/n a secret was because he didn’t want to be seen as weaker and having a weak spot when he gave himself a tough exterior. You could say that this connected to his issue with his insecurities. Later that day, y/n tried to explain to Bakugo that her conversation with Midoriya was just innocent and only about school, but he didn’t listen. He was never good with words, so he just put his feelings into action. He definitely taught y/n a lesson that day. The thought of getting Bakugo all riled up like that had y/n excited. A scene from the romance anime she watched last night still imprinted in her brain gave her an idea of how to toy with her boyfriend. Plus, y/n was kind of annoyed of keeping her relationship with Bakugo a secret anyways. She never wanted to do so in the first place, but she found his reasoning of being all tough stupid. Though, she respected his decision.

When lunchtime came around, y/n grabbed her lunch and walked to the table the Bakusquad usually sat at. Right beside her was Bakugo. “Suki, do you think you could go grab me a drink? I forgot to grab one with my food,” y/n pouted. Bakugo gave in, giving a little grunt and walking off to do what she asked. She made her way over to the table and sat right next to Kirishima, instead of her usual spot across from him. “What’s with the new seating arrangement? I mean, I’m not complaining,” he said. “What, I can’t sit next to you? Do you bite or something?” y/n teased and that comment earned a chuckle from Kiri. “Also, before the next period do you think we could go over the homework answers together? I think Cementoss is gonna grade the answers or something,” he offered. Y/n smiled, “Yeah, of course! How about leave lunch a little early so we have enough time to check answers with each other?” “Sounds good,” Kiri smiled back with a hint of blush on his cheeks and y/n gave him a friendly nudge in his side. Kiri and y/n’s conversation continued and Bakugo came back shortly and sat across from Kiri and y/n with a confused look on his face. “Why’re you sitting there, y/n?” he said with a slight annoyance in his tone. “Don’t worry I was just wanted to sit next to Kiri for today. We were just talking about how training yesterday had us all sore,” y/n said innocently. Bakugo tried his best not to show it, but his face was getting more red by the second. During the whole lunch period, he just picked at his food and didn’t jump in any of the conversations that his friends had. When he occasionally glanced up, he would just see his best friend and his girlfriend laughing their heads off. If he didn’t know any better, he would think they were a couple. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to drag y/n away and show her who her actual boyfriend is, but no. He had a reputation to uphold, right? Suddenly, y/n and Kiri stood up from the table. “Sorry, to leave you guys hanging, but y/n and I are going to go to the classroom early to check homework and stuff. See ya,” he said waving goodbye to the rest of the group and y/n waved as well. They were off and disappeared into the hallways of the school. ‘Tch. Checking homework, my ass,’ Bakugo thought. For all he knew, his girlfriend and his best friend could be sneaking off to the janitor’s closet and be fucking like rabbits right now. And he still couldn’t do anything about it. At least, without causing suspicion. All he could do was trust that his girlfriend wasn’t swapping spit with his best friend. The next class passed by and Kirishima was right about Cementoss grading the homework, which made putting in the extra minutes to checking the answers worth it for y/n. Although, Bakugo didn’t spend a single second paying attention in class. His mind kept racing at the thought of his girlfriend and best friend potentially having something going on behind his back. His eyes always ended up staring at y/n during the entire class. He couldn’t help but notice how good she looked today. She was emitting a glowing aura. Her hair was just so silky and he wanted to run his hands through her hair all day. Although, he was pissed at how her skirt looked a bit shorter today and it was definitely against the dress code. Little did he know, y/n rolled up her skirt in hopes of Bakugo noticing. ‘Such a fucking tease’ he thought. His girlfriend could get him so worked up without her actually trying. He couldn’t help but smirk at the thought of her right under him in his room and their bodies working in-sync with each other. His daydream was interrupted by the quiet giggles falling from y/n’s lips. She was looking at Kiri as he mouthed something to her. Bakugo’s blood started boiling again. Since when did y/n and Kiri get all buddy-buddy with each other? Were they always this fucking close? The thought of his girlfriend with someone other than him just made him rage. He needed to let his anger out before he went crazy. He needed to teach y/n that she was his and his only. Bakugo couldn’t wait until the next class which was training. When the bell rang, he stood up immediately and made his way over to his girlfriend to get in a word with her. She was in the middle of a conversation with Bakugo seethed through his teeth, “Y/n. Let’s talk outside. Now.” “What’s up? Next period is the last one, can you wait until after then?” said Y/n innocently. She was batting her eyelashes and had the eyes of a doe. Bakugo couldn’t help but melt a little looking at her cute face. He quickly shook off the thought. He had to talk to her about all of this after all. Any hints of anything less than a tough appearance left his face. “No, I need to talk to you now. Come on,” he said roughly grabbing her arm and tugging her away. Y/n stood her ground and resisted and for a quick second Bakugo had a hint of hurt written on his face, but it quickly left as fast as it came. This didn’t go unnoticed by y/n. “Look, Mina and I were in the middle of a conversation and you just interrupted us. If you have something to say, just say it right now,” y/n said sternly. Bakugo was taken aback. Usually, y/n would just do what he said and follow his lead, but this was the first time he saw y/n go against him. Y/n stood there staring into his eyes without any hesitation or a hint of an opening for discussion. Bakugo just grunted and walked off to the training room. He was furious, but a little turned on from the dominance that y/n showed. Bakugo was sitting against the wall in the gym making small explosions in his palm just trying to kill time until class finally started. He could finally vent all of his anger into fighting. All of his frustration was just pent up in his brain and he couldn’t wait until he could vent it all out with his punches. He heard a familiar laugh nearing as y/n walked in through the big doors of the gym. His heart ached a little at the sight of y/n smiling and laughing. His expression immediately dropped when he saw who y/n was looking at and laughing with. Kirishima followed right behind her and laughing along to whatever y/n said. Bakugo’s blood was boiling at an even higher temperature now. He couldn’t take seeing his best friend and girlfriend flirting with each other anymore. Anger filled his crimson eyes and he stormed towards y/n and Kiri. It was a scary sight. Midoriya saw Bakugo with the rage in his eyes storming toward his two classmates. Being the good person he was, he tried to stop Bakugo. He knew this wasn’t gonna end well. “K-kacchan! Slow down! What are you doing?! You look like you’re gonna kill someone!” said Midoriya as he stepped in front of his friend in an attempt to stop him. Bakugo violently shoved him out of the way, “Get out of my way, you damn nerd! This has nothing to do with you!” “I know that look in your eyes, Kacchan! You look like you’re going to murder Kirishima! Just calm down and take-” said Midoriya as he stepped in front of Bakugo again. Bakugo aggressively grabbed Midoriya by the shirt and towered over him, “This doesn’t concern you, Deku! You’re always trying to get into my business like you’re better than me or something! Who do you think you are?!” Rage was all that filled Bakugo’s eyes. The bottled-up anger needed to be released soon or he would explode. And he didn’t mind personally taking it out on little Deku over here. Just as Bakugo raised his arm to land a punch, something pulled Bakugo back, and almost instantaneously he was restrained by the all-too-familiar scarf. Aizawa restrained Bakugo with his scarf as he was struggling and still trying to attack Midoriya. A feeling of Deja vu wafted through the air of the gym. “Calm down. Training hasn’t started, yet. Unless you want us to put you in a muzzle again,” said Aizawa. Bakugo grumbled and walked off to the rest of Class 1-A standing in a group. He made eye contact briefly with y/n and he saw a smirk on her face before she looked away to talk to Mina. ‘Tch,’ he thought, ‘Always a fucking tease.’ Aizawa walked towards the group of high-schoolers and they instinctively quieted down in anticipation for his instructions for the class. “So, today we’re going to be doing our regular training, but this time I want you guys to-” he said and stopped to stare straight at y/n and Kiri giggling and not paying attention. The whole class turned and stared at them. They soon realized that everyone was staring at them, including Aizawa who had a less than pleased expression. “Since you two don’t show interest in what I have to say, you both have to go fetch the mannequin opponents for today. Go and hurry,” said Aizawa as he tossed the keys to the equipment room at Kiri. “Do we have to? We’re sorry for what we did,” pleaded Kiri. “Yes. Now go,” said Aizawa as he continued his lecture. They both let out a groan of compliance and Bakugo watched as the two of them went through the giant gym doors that led to the hallway. As y/n was walking down the hallway with Kiri, she said, “I don’t know why Aizawa was on our ass like that... calling us out in front of the class and shit.” “Well, it was kind of our fault for laughing so loudly. Actually, scratch that it was YOUR fault for making us laugh so loud,” joked Kirishima. Y/n’s gaped open in shock and amusement at his jab and she nudged him in the side and he groaned as if he was in actual pain. They both were laughing until they heard a familiar voice interrupt them. “Oi, shitty hair. Don’t worry about the mannequins. Aizawa told me to get it with y/n instead,” said Bakugo with a straight face. Kiri raised a brow, “Really? Why you and not me-” “I said, he told me to get it not you. Alright?” said Bakugo irritably. Kiri raised his hands in surrender and tossed the keys to his hot-headed friend, “Okay, okay, I get it. Y/n, make sure this one doesn’t murder you. The equipment room seems like an awfully quiet and isolated place.” Y/n laughed at his remark, “Don’t worry. This angry boi won’t lay a finger on me, anyways. I’m too quick for him to even catch me.” And with that, Kiri waved a peace sign and walked off. Before y/n had a chance to do something, Bakugo stormed past her and towards the equipment room. “Wait up, Suki! Why are you walking so fast?” she said trying to catch up to him. He just let out a huff in response. They neared the equipment room and the second he pulled the keys from the doorknob and opened the door, he pulled y/n into the room, shut the door, and slammed her against the wall. Y/n was pinned against one of the walls with Bakugo towering above her with a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite pin what it was. His face was mere inches away from hers and she could feel his hot breath on her face. His left hand has ahold of y/n’s shirt while his right hand is pressed against the wall near y/n’s head. Y/n was slightly scared of what Bakugo was about to do to her because she knew she took it a little far this time, yet she was getting excited over the different things her boyfriend could do to her in this state of rage. The subtle scent of his cologne intoxicated y/n. She once told him that it smelled real good on him. ‘I guess he took note,’ she thought. Bakugo was breathing hard, but not saying a word. He kept constant eye contact with y/n and she was getting a little intimidated and sinking further down ever so slightly. “W-what’s up with you...?” said y/n timidly. “Hmph... what’s up with me? How about you explain the shit you’ve been pulling today. Huh?!” said Bakugo roughly and breaking eye contact for the first time. Y/n shrugged innocently, “I actually don’t know what you’re-” Bakugo slammed his fist against the wall and moved closer to her face, “Don’t pull that fucking innocent shit with me, dumbass. You’ve been ignoring me all day and hanging out with that stupid fucker, Kiri...” “Look, I think you’re just imagining things. Can we talk about this later? We’re in the middle of training, Suki-” started y/n. She tried to move past him but then his grip on her shirt tightened and he pulled her closer and used his free hand to pull her hair backward. Almost instantly, he attacked her neck right then and there. He started sucking on her weak spot, which earned him an unintentional moan from y/n. Y/n could tell that Bakugo felt a bit cocky because his lips grazed her skin to form a smirk against her neck. “S-suki, stop, please... we’re literally in school right now...” stuttered y/n. She was trying her best not to make noises, but it was just so damn hard with how Bakugo was using his tongue against her neck. “Come on, princess... what’s wrong with having a little bit of fun, yeah? Plus, I need to teach you a lesson for being such a tease today...” groaned Bakugo against your neck in a low tone. Y/n couldn’t help but let a moan slip from her mouth. It just felt way too good. He knew her weaknesses and used that against her. “Shh... princess, we don’t wanna get caught do we? Just be a good girl and stay quiet, yeah?” said Bakugo. Suddenly, he started using her teeth against her while simultaneously sucking on her neck. The mix of the slight pain with the pleasure was euphoric for her. He hadn’t even touched her yet and she was already soaking. She wouldn’t ever say it to his face, though. It would only boost his already inflated ego. She ran her hands through his hair and tugged at it so he would look up and face her. Y/n only wanted to give Bakugo a slow and passionate kiss, but like his fighting nature, his lips met hers aggressively and let his tongue slip through meeting hers. Y/n’s fingers gently scratching on Bakugo’s scalp made him give out the lowest groan which signaled y/n to keep slightly tugging on his hair. As their lips moved in sync with each other, Bakugo’s firm grip on her hips gradually made its way between the waistband of y/n’s pant. His fingers pressing against her heat through her panties. “Damn, princess. Already this wet for me, huh?” he teased and moved to her whisper in her right ear, “Was this your end goal this whole time? Get me jealous and fuck me in the school’s equipment room? Such a naughty girl.” Then, his fingers pressed harder against her clothed folds and she whimpered in response. Y/n looked up at him and the sight of her under his control and batting her eyelashes made the bulge in his pants grow harder. This continued for a few more seconds until he swiftly removed his hands from under her and shoved her down by the shoulders, pushing her to her knees. She was met face-to-face with his very prominent bulge. She gulped knowing what was going to happen next. “What? You’re scared to take my dick in your mouth or something? I thought girls liked it when their boyfriend’s dick is down their throat, no? Or am I just too big for you?” he teased. “Oh, don’t get too cocky now, Suki. We both know I can handle it,” y/n snapped back. She was lying and Bakugo knew that too. Whenever his dick would be down her throat, tears would most definitely be streaming down her cheeks. “Yeah, yeah. Lie all you want dumbass. But at the end of the day, no one who can make you cum like I do, princess,” he said in a low tone. His words just made y/n clench her thighs closer together to try to create some friction. Bakugo pulled down his shorts and briefs to reveal his very hard dick that sprung out. Y/n’s eyes widened at the sight. Even though this wasn’t the first time she’s gotten intimate with him, she still gets surprised at how she lucked out by getting a boyfriend with such a big dick (not that that’s the only thing that mattered to her). Bakugo only smirked at her surprised expression and it most definitely fed his ego a bit more. Y/n took his dick in her hands and started to lick the tip and Bakugo rolled his head back at the sudden pulse of pleasure. Y/n started moving towards the length of his dick, but Bakugo couldn’t wait anymore and forcefully grabbed her hair and pushed her further down his dick while thrusting simultaneously. Naturally, y/n gagged hard and tried to take his dick out of his mouth for a quick second to cough, but Bakugo’s hand roughly pulled y/n’s mouth back onto his dick. Tears were starting to form in the corner of her eyes. “Awe, is this too much for my princess? Well,” said Bakugo getting increasingly aggressive and angry, “With that fucking shit you pulled today, I think this should be your fucking punishment, yeah? I need to teach you a real fucking good lesson.” His thrusts getting all the more faster and y/n’s tears streaming down her cheeks. The feeling of his dick hitting the back of her throat was starting to get a bit unbearable. Like a miracle, there were some noises outside of the door and in the hallway. Both y/n and Bakugo stopped what they were doing and looked towards the door. Y/n listened carefully and realized that it was the sound of footsteps coming their way. Bakugo attempted to pull his pants back up quickly and dragged y/n to a corner of the room where a bunch of items was piled up next to a cabinet. They hid behind a few larger items and crouched down to be below eye level of anyone that they suspected to come in. There was a sound of the doorknob turning and y/n couldn’t see clearly with objects covering some of her view. She didn’t expect to hear a familiar voice. “Y/n? Bakugo? You guys here?” said Kirishima as he tried to investigate around the room. He did a quick glance and concluded that they weren’t here. Though, he walked dangerously close to where the two of them were hiding. Balugo pulled y/n closer into him and used his hand to cover her mouth in case she made any sounds. Kiri grabbed the dummies that were supposed to be used for training. Then, he left just like that. Y/n let out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding in. They waited a few seconds before making any more movements. Y/n stood up first to fix herself and arrange her appearance. “Come on, let’s go before they start getting suspicious-” said y/n but she was pulled backward by Bakugo and (yet again) pushed up against a wall. Bakugo smirked, “So you think I was done with you? You’re soaking and you think it’s okay to let yourself go out like that? Even though you got me all riled up, I have to repay you for that mind-blowing blowjob, princess.” Bakugo attacked her neck again and began sucking hard. There was definitely gonna be a mark left on her neck when this was all over with. “I gotta show everyone that you don’t belong to anyone, but me,” he said. Y/n started pulling his pants back down and followed suit with undressing herself as well. Bakugo moved his lips to meet hers and they intensely connected tongues while undressing their lower halves. He grabbed the band of y/n’s panties and lowered them. He started moving his fingers across her slick folds. “Suki, hurry. I need you in me,” pleaded y/n while giving her signature innocent, doe-eyed look. Bakugo couldn’t say no to her when she looked like that under his touch. He complied and positioned himself to enter her. Without a moment’s hesitation, he pushed up against her and almost bottoming out instantly without giving her a moment to adjust. “Ahh! Suki, s-slow down, please,” said y/n, but her words were to no avail as he didn’t let up his intense thrusts. Bakugo grunts, “Just because I let you off easy, you go and think you get to tell me what to do... tsk, tsk, tsk. And here I thought you were gonna be a good girl for me.” Y/n was going to give a snarky reply back, but her thoughts of saying anything were clouded with the burst of pleasure that Bakugo was giving her right now. She couldn’t help but let out moans and she instantly tried to cover her mouth. “Don’t cover your mouth, let them hear how good I’m making you feel,” he said. His hands were under y/n to hold her weight up against the wall and her arms were around his neck. His rough thrusts made y/n’s eyes roll to the back of her head. “Shit, Suki. You make me feel so good...” y/n managed to get out between her heavy breathing. Y/n started dragging her nails down his back just added to the high amount of ecstasy that Bakugo was feeling. He increased the power in his thrusts which drove y/n up the wall a bit. The textured walls were scratching y/n’s back which gave the smallest amount of pain. “Yeah, you fucking like that, huh, princess? You like my dick inside you?” Bakugo said breathily. “Mhm...” was all that y/n could manage to get out. With the slightest change in Bakugo’s angle, he managed to hit her sweet spot. “Ah, shit! Right there, Suki... just hit it right, shit, there,” screamed y/n. Bakugo listened and kept his position. Low groans came from his mouth as he was nearing his climax. Instinctively, his quirk decided to show and y/n could feel a slight sting on her ass. Bakugo let out a laugh at the surprise mini-explosion, but it was quickly interrupted by a low moan. “Shit, shit, shit,” groaned Bakugo as he was trying to hold onto the high wave of pleasure he was feeling. Their bodies were so in-sync with each other he couldn’t help but feel lucky that they had such good chemistry with each other. ‘Suki,” y/n let out, “I’m gonna come. Shit.” “Come for me, princess. Let it all out,” said Bakugo as he tried to keep his thrusts strong, but falling a little bit short with each new movement. Y/n’s walls were convulsing against Bakugo’s dick and he couldn’t hold back any longer. Her screams of pleasure filled the room as well as his loud groans. She was riding out her orgasm as Bakugo tried thrusting a few more times to help her out, but soon followed suit and released inside of her. Their movements slowed and they both dropped to the floor in exhaustion and they tried to catch their breaths. “I think that counts as our training for today,” joked y/n which earned a chuckle from her boyfriend, “Maybe I should make you more jealous often. You fuck better when you’re jealous.” Bakugo’s expression instantly dropped and he looked pissed again, “I’m still mad at you, idiot. Don’t go flirting with stupid fucking Kiri again, got it?” “Hm... I don’t get it, actually. Maybe you have to teach me another lesson later tonight,” she teased. “Just you wait,” he smirked. Bonus Y/n and Bakugo exited the equipment room and headed back to the gym and tried to act as if nothing happened. When they finally reached the main gymnasium, no one was in there. ‘That’s odd,’ thought y/n. It even wasn’t the end of school, yet. The two of them left to go check the dorms and lo and behold, the rest of Class 1-A was there. The expressions on their face were priceless. Collectively, they all looked a bit shocked. Kaminari walked up to Bakugo and patted him on the back. “Hell yeah, Bakubro. I see you scored yourself a good one,” said Kaminari about you. “What the hell are you talking about?!” grumbled Bakugo and his usual expression of casual anger returned. Kirishima walked up to Bakugo and rubbed the nape of his neck in embarrassment, “Sorry, man. I didn’t know you and y/n were together and I just kind of ignored you when you were being extra angry today when I was talking with her.” Bakugo was seething, “The hell are you guys talking about?! Y/n and I are not together!” “Nice try, buddy. We all know what happened between you two. It’s okay but kinda gross,” said Kiri cheekily. “I never thought you would be one to get tied down, Bakugo! Let alone with someone as hot as y/n,” said Ashido jokingly. Bakugo’s facial expression was mixed with embarrassment and anger. Y/n just laughed at the whole situation. “Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag, Suki. Sorry,” laughed y/n, “So... uh how did you guys find out we were together, anyway?” “When you two didn’t come back with the fighting dummies after a while, Kiri went to go find you two. Then, when he didn’t find you guys he went to go tell Aizawa that you two were nowhere to be found. Aizawa went to go investigate himself and we’re guessing he found you two. He went back to the gym to tell us bluntly that class was dismissed for the day, which was weird. We all realized it probably had something to do with how you guys disappeared out of thin air,” explained Sero. “Yeah, but,” said Kaminari, “Us being Class 1-A and wanting to help our friends... we investigated the situation and we heard you two fucking like rabbits, bro!” Y/n’s face instantly went red at the thought of her entire class hearing her and Bakugo doing the dirty. Bakugo was not having it, though. He regretted letting y/n and him make so much noise. How careless of him. But, he wasn’t going to let his entire class talk down to him. “That wasn’t us. Are all of you really that fucking stupid to assume it was y/n and me? You guys have no proof, do you?” said Bakugo, “See. That’s what I thought.” He started to walk off when Shouji said, “Just look at y/n’s neck, dude.” Everyone stared at her neck and she tried to cover the mark with her hand in a casual manner, but the deed was already done. Bakugo grumbled. He lost and there was nothing he could do to convince his peers otherwise. “Fuck it,” said Bakugo as grabbed y/n’s arm roughly and dragged her to his room. You can guess what happened from there.

hey if ur taking requests for writing...., what abt angsty among us idea- reports a body and like.. engie attends and it turns out medic was killed? and then hes heartbroken and really sad and angry at spy for killing medic? obviously u dont have to do this but the among au had me thinking about a ton of angsty scenarios lol. have a good day!!

i'm always takin requests! it may take me a while to get there but i will try my damndest to get it done at some point!

i actually had part of this in my drafts when you originally sent this ask but it's been reason enough to finish it, i think. i hope you like it, even if it's a bit messy :>

-

Per Aspera Ad Astra

In which an imposter experiences the loss of someone he loved and wasn't supposed to.

-

As Dell heard the emergency meeting alarm blare over the intercom and red lights flashed overhead, he looked up from the mass of wires he'd agreed to rearrange for Medic, furrowing his brow.

Odd. Spy hadn't made it clear to him that he was going to attempt anything that day and he knew for a fact that he himself hadn't made any sabotages since last week.

Then again, he'd noticed that this crew in particular had no qualms against using the emergency meeting button for more trivial things. Someone probably just wanted to get everyone's attention to look at some weird space bug that hitchhiked from their last stop on Pollus a few weeks ago or something along those lines. Standard procedure at that point.

He packed up the wires he'd been holding back into their panel before making his way out of electrical and towards the cafeteria, readjusting his goggles over his eyes to make sure nobody would find him out.

When he'd arrived, he could practically physically feel the shift in attitude of the rest of the crew since that morning, mentally noting that Medic was currently the only one of them missing.

"Tex, there you are. You uh. Might want to sit down for this one, lad," Demo said gravely, all the other crewmates' mumbling amongst each other dying down instantly as Spy stood to the side of the table, having said nothing ever since he himeself had arrived.

"Uhm. Sure, ok. Shouldn't we wait for Doc first, though? If it's actually important he should probably be here," He said, a confused smile coming to his face. Demo physcially winced.

"See, that's the thing, it's. It's Doc, he's..." Demo trailed off, Sniper moving to put a hand on his shoulder.

"He's?..." Engie frowned, having to take a moment before he realized what he'd meant.

It took another moment for the dread to set in.

"No. No, that- that's impossible, I- I just saw him like 30 minutes ago. I agreed to do one of his tasks for him while he finished cleaning the medbay so we could finish up for the day," He stuttered, looking anxiously between all the other faces at the table. None of them could meet his gaze even through his goggles, Spy in particular insisting on staring out the large window that peered into the vastness of space around them instead.

...Spy.

Spy said he wouldn't touch him- said he'd let him find a way to deal with all of this effectively and without having to kill this particular crew. Especially Medic. He said- no, he promised he wouldn't.

Engie's anger soon started bubbling inside of him, tightly clenching his fists that he oh so desperately wanted to sucker punch a certain other imposter in the face with. But then came the second realization of what he'd done and he felt his arms go slack again.

Medic was dead.

"...Where is he?" He finally whispered out, somewhere between heartbroken and seething.

"Medbay. Demo, Sniper, and I called for the meeting as quick as we could and did not get the chance to move his. Corpse," Soldier said, standing up straight and visibly uneasy at the mentioning of Medic's dead body.

Engie slowly nodded.

"Ok. Did you fellas, uh. Did- did you contact Pollus yet?"

"Not yet. I was gonna after the meetin's over. 's gonna take us a while to get there tho, at least 2 weeks," Scout said.

"I see. Did you three uh. Did you see anything?" Engie asked Demo, Sniper, and Soldier, all of them shaking their heads.

"Pyro, Heavy, 'n Scout were on comms because they were finished with tasks already and all three of 'em say they didn't see anyone go into Medbay after you left."

"...what about you, Spy? Been awfully quiet the entire time. And you don't have an alibi," Scout squinted. Spy scoffed.

"I was also finished with tasks, I've been in my quarters for at least 2 hours. You can even roll back footage on the cameras."

Pyro pressed a button on their suit, the small speaker on their chest panel letting out a soft 'kshh'.

"...he does have a point. Cams don't lie."

"What if he used the vents, though?"

"You really think this pansy's gettin' in any vents?"

"...Aight, fair point."

"I do not think we have enough information to make decision," Heavy sighed, every looking to each other in a vague sense of agreement.

"Skip vote, then?"

"Yeah, I think that's for the best."

"Alright lads, be on alert, then. If you see anythin' suspicious, y' know where the button is," Demo sighed, patting the plastic cover that protected the emergency meeting button.

Everyone mumbled out affirmations before getting up to head out, Pyro staying behind to raise their hand.

"Ay, what is it, Py?"

Kshh. "...who's taking care of uh. Y'know. The body."

Engie squeezed his eyes shut briefly.

"I'll do it."

"Tex, no, we couldn't ask you t-"

"Demo, it's fine. I'm not a child, you don't need to baby me. I can deal with it."

"If you're so sure..."

"It's fine. Really. You go make sure everyone else is doin' ok, lord knows they'd need it," Engie smiled softly, giving Demo a pat on the arm.

Demo's eyes still showed worry but he nodded, reciprocating the gesture before hurrying into the direction of nav where everyone else went.

Spy turned to leave but Engie stopped him, shifting his goggles back to his forehead.

"...Why did you do it?" He asked softly. He could've sworn that he saw the slightest break of stoicism on Spy's face but perhaps it was just the awful fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria playing tricks on him.

"You were taking too long. It was getting risky for us to be here. I thought it better to end it sooner rather than later," He said, any trace of emotion leaving as quickly as it came as he turned his head. Engie had no response.

"Remember what they did to us. To you. Just because one treated you kindly does not mean others will."

Silence.

"...Don't sabotage anything tonight. They'll get suspicious. Be prepared to leave this ship in a week's time, without the Medic they'll fall apart. Do I make myself clear?"

Still nothing. Spy frowned.

"I said, do I make myself clear, Dell?" He asked again, not even bothering to mask the threatening tone in his voice this time.

Engie squeezed his eyes shut again.

"...Yes. Yes, you do."

"Very well. I will see you in the morning," He said, moving so that Engie's hand no longer rested on his shoulder and starting to make his way to hallway that led to crew's personal quarters.

Spy paused to look back, a feeling that could almost be described as pity overcoming him. He sighed.

"...Get over it. You only knew him for less than 8 months, anyways," He said softly before leaving Engie alone, footsteps echoing against the metal floors of the ship.

When he felt he was ready, Engie made his way to the Medbay with full expectations of what he would find there.

He just. Didn't expect it to hurt so much.

Medic's body lay on the floor in between the scanner and the large computer it was attached to, his normally bright cyan suit soaked in red and a sizable gash made into his back. There was a broken test tube that had fallen out of his hand a little ways away and one of the lensed of his glasses had been cracked, most likely from the impact of falling onto the floor.

Engie took in a deep breath before carefully sitting him up against the nearest wall, preparing himself to find something to clean up the blood that hadn't managed to be absorbed into his space suit.

He wasn't used to Medic being so.. quiet. Lifeless, if you would. He couldn't remember a single time he'd felt a pain in his chest as intense as this.

It was then that his anger suddenly came back, barely being able to contain himself before he turned around and ended up making a decently large crack in the monitor.

He tried to control the emotions that came flooding after, tried to keep himself from feeling this way over this one human when he'd aided the destruction of countless others, but when he felt himself shaking, he fell to his knees, a sob escaping him.

He shouldn't have gotten attached. He shouldn't have, it wasn't like him- like an imposter to get attached, and yet here he was, crying on the Medbay floor as blood soaked into his already red suit and glass shards clinked against the desk as they fell off piece by piece.

Serves him right for believing in humans, he guesses. Serves him right for having the audacity to care.

...what a stupid decision, that was.

ʜᴀʟʟ, ᴅ.

               even though they say that time heals all wounds,                the scars are still fucking there. i can't forget what happened.                i can't forget how I felt

《  oliver stark. male, he/him. new kings by sleeping wolf   》 oh my, there goes DAVID JAMES “DEACON” HALL. the 29/29 year old INCUBI is currently working at SALEM FIRE STATION as a FIREFIGHTER. they’ve been in salem, ma for SIX MONTHS. they are known around town as THE WAR HERO. i have a feeling they AREN’T aware of what’s going on in town, and they are NEUTRAL. hopefully, because they are known to be CHARMING and ADAPTABLE while also being IMPULSIVE and CYNICAL, they will survive. i guess only time will tell. ( ray. she/her. 26. pst. )

a e s t h e t i c s  :     swimming in rage, cracking at tenderness.  growl heard before the whimper of pain. the protective one. bruised fists. the smell in the air after rainfall. always know what you’re fighting for. observant eyes. loud mind, silent words. memories so loud. hands covered in ink. bright smiles, distracted eyes. rinsing oil off hands after tossing a wrench back in the toolbox. the rumble of a bike being heard from down the street. pages coved in ink, drawing memories. kind smiles and broken eyes.

q u o t e s :     “  if you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.   ”   –   sirius black, harry potter and the goblet of fire “   don’t give me the ‘hurt feelings’ thing because a. i don’t buy it, and b. i don’t care.   ”   –   steve mcgarrett, hawaii five-o “   ‘go bravely, go deeply – or do not go’ bullshit, go, even if you are shaking with fear, go. take a blind step forward. that first step is worth so much more than standing still and never getting anywhere because you weren’t brave.   ”   –   unknown

p e r s o n a l i t y :     + realistic, observant, and self-reliant                                            - possessive, stubborn, and temperamental

david better known as deacon, has always been a man of action. when he was younger, he had energy that was off the charts at times and that later turned into him just always needing to keep busy. which doesn’t always leave room for him to deal with his emotions. he just keeps so busy that he buries all his problems under everything. it’s what has left him so  B R O K E N  not that anyone is aware of just how much so. over the years, he’s gotten really good at hiding it.

people could describe him as charming and flirty, caring and protective, and smart and adaptable. while all these things are true about the hybrid, he’s mainly just tired. that is what drives him even more to not show how broken he is. he’s always doing his part to be there for everyone else, not many people see that he needs someone to be there for him.

due to him being so good at hiding all his issues, he’s become really good at seeing the signs of when someone else needs help and will never hesitate in offering to help.  he’s used to only being able to rely on himself, he doesn’t want that for anyone else. 

he’s also known to get a little temperamental at times. never around the people he cares about, always able to keep it down until he explodes on some poor stranger.   fearing losing anyone else he cares about, deacon can be a bit possessive. he does his best to not show it, but he can’t always help it. when he actually allows people in, he holds on as tightly as he can.

s u m m a r y :     deacon grew up in salem, but when his adopted parents died when he was thirteen, him and his older brother ( who was seventeen at the time ) moved away. during this time, deacon really started to lose control on his emotions which made it hard for him to control his powers that came with being an incubi. he’s always known he was adopted and what he was, but never fully understood it since he didn’t have anyone to teach him. though his family did their best. once he was old enough, to run away from all his problems and to hopefully do better, deacon enlisted in the military. now he’s back in town cause he’s contract was up and he heard his brother was back in town. still trying to do his best to help people, he started working as a firefighter right away. 

he has this need to try to help people cause he see’s himself as a monster. he hates what he is and hates how easy it is for him to hurt people. despite that though, he is neutral in the fight, mainly cause he doesn’t know what’s happening. but also because he’s fought in a different war and struggles over it... he’s not sure he’d be ready to do it all again. though, he might not be able to stay out of it for long. 

h e a d c a n o n s :     due to hybrids being a hit and miss amongst people, it was no surprise that deacon was given up as a baby. his biological mother wanted nothing to do with him once she realised what he was, she didn’t even bother naming him. she just dumped him off in the woods and left him for dead since know one would take a demon child. he had been lucky that renee hall had been near by and heard his cries. the kind women didn’t even hesitate in bringing him home with her.  the hall family had no issue in bonding with the unnamed child and while they tried to find his parents, when they learned what he was and what most likely happened to him, they took him in and named him. adopting him easily. david was given his middle name after his new father and brother while his brother picked the name david for him. they did this to show him ( later, when he was old enough to know the truth ) that they ALL welcomed him.

growing up, david knew he was different from his family, so when he was old enough and they told him he was adopted, he had no issue with it. they were his family and nothing else mattered. as a young boy, he admired his older brother to the point of following him around, trying to be like him. or would try to make him happy by using the powers that came with being an incubi. powers he discovered by accident and would sometime get out of control but his brother was always an anchor for him and helped him reel it in.

david was doing well with his family; he was happy and healthy. and he always seemed to do really really in school. always seeming to be ahead of everyone else. he was able to pick things up very easily. david was definitely considered popular in school, not that he really tried. he just got along with everyone. being both part of the smart group of kids as well as the athlete’s, it made it easy for him to befriend most people.

when he was thirteen, his parents told him and james the good news that they were expecting and would be having a girl. something david had said he wanted from a young age. he had wanted to be a big brother like james was and do for them what james always did for him. however, everything took a turn for the worse when there was a fire, that was caused by faulty electrical wiring, which resulted in the death of both his parents and his unborn sister.                ↳    david remembers it clearly, he’ll never forget it. laying on a stretcher, completely alone thinking his entire family was gone. the paramedics that surrounded didn’t tell him anything about his family. it was less then a minute before james came into view, but it felt like a lifetime. in those few seconds, he had to deal with the most unbearable pain of thinking not only did he lose his family but having to deal with thinking he was the only survivor. however, when james reached out for him, david just cried. cried for the pain he was in, both physically and mentally. while the turns were unbearable, it was the pain of having lost his parents that really had him lose it. refusing to let go of james’ hand.

after the fire, james and david left salem. neither able to cope with being in the town anymore. james stepped up and helped david as much as he could. david did his best to make it easy on his brother, not wanting him to carry all the weight himself. but his grades started to slip and he had more accidents with him losing control of his powers. he wasn’t dealing with his own grief very well.

when david was seventeen, things had started to get a little better. he couldn’t be his complete old self again, but he was starting to try again. though it was short lived when he became sexually active with his girlfriend. he hadn’t realised what was happening until it was too late. completely horrified and full of guilt, david ran to the only person he had left. james helped him deal with it all and helped understand exactly what was happening but nothing could stop the guilt david felt. he could get the image of his girlfriend’s face out of his head. so he did the only thing he could think of. he ran. james found him and despite the relationship not being what it once was, helped him. like the way he used to when they had their family.

at the age of eighteen, david made sure james would be fine on his own and took off to enlist. for him, it was a way to do better. to make up for the horror of what he did. plus, it had been something he wanted to do before, but had fortten about it after everything. being away from james made it hard for david to even hear his own name. everyone started calling him deacon cause there was a guy who enlisted with him that thought it was his name. it stuck since there were two other david’s and he refused to be called by his last name since it hurt too much.

he did his best to keep in touch with his brother, but it was hard. deacon learned more about his brother from tabloids than actually being able to talk to his own brother. despite not talking much to his brother, deacon would ALWAYS write his brother. he’d write a letter almost everyday. just keeping his brother up to date with him, even if he didn’t always get a reply back. even in the middle of a warzone, all he could do was worry about his brother. half the time he doesn’t even realise his own pain because he is too busy worrying about everyone else. being what they need. a brother, a soldier, a friend, a lover, their crying shoulder, their ear to vent to, their punching bag, etc.

a mission he was on cost him greatly and once again, deacon found himself losing everyone he cared about. the guys from his unit were ambushed and deacon was the only survivor but he managed to get each and every fallen soldier back with him. deacon was honoured with a silver star and allowed to go home again. so he decided it was time for him to come home and stay home. finding james was easy, trying to get back their bond was harder. but he wasn’t giving up.

once arriving back to salem, deacon found it easy to get a job as a firefighter. given his history, the captain couldn’t turn him away. deacon had spent time being a field medic and the fire captain knew it would be foolish to not have the man on his team.

in his free time, deacon can be found painting/drawing or working on his bike. things in which help him stay calm.

e x t r a :     pinterest.    spotify(TBA).    moodboard(TBA).

okay people. i’m gonna be spitting a lot of Words. because i’m feeling a lot of Feelings at the moment and i don’t know how to express them through any other methods so. yeah. 

this is just gonna be me venting so. probably wouldn’t recommend reading but idk u do u i guess. i put most of the things that i think are triggers in the tags, but i’m actual shit at tagging so. if literally anything is gonna affect you negatively just. don’t read. i can’t tag everything and yeah. idk. to the cut now i guess. bye. 

hi lmaooo what the fUCK am i writing lmaoo

so. first. my past week has been fucking shit. 

    first, i was super fuckin stressed cause i had chair placement auditions for band, a 70 point spanish vocab test, and a 5-7 minute presentation of elizabethan crime and punishment all due in the span of two fucking hours on wednesday. and my stepmother. has the fucking a u d a c i t y. to tell me that i’m actually only allowed to study (on my computer, where everything is) for one hour after school each day. like honey i can’t control what i’m fuckin assigned. and she’s already shitty with me cause she thinks that i’m not doing anything when i’m on my computer (which, despite what you all have seen of me, is not true lmao). so she’s super fuckin dumb about that. 

    second. my chickens. which i call my chickens because, up until recently, i was the only person that did jack shit for those fuckin birds. literally. stepmother bought the food and sold the eggs. maybe went outside once every couple weeks. it pissed me off but you know. whatever. that’s not even what i’m talking about this time. but she goes out there, before i do my daily stuff for them, and comes back in- whirlwind if pissed off cause the stuff isn’t done. like honey i haven’t done that yet. and she gets bitchy cause i haven’t done it yet and starts to go on about how she knew that i secretly hated the chickens and that she bet that i intentionally fucking killed some of them (cause a few of them actually disappeared this week)?? like what in the fUCK??? i would never fuckin do that??? and i love hearing her complain about what food and water is full to the top as if she bothers doing literally anything to help with them. so i’m now not even allowed in my own fucking backyard because apparently i’m a fuckin serial chicken killer. fuck that. 

    third. i had. the audacity to forget an entire assignment. and stepmother dearest sees it. and goes fuckin apeshit. i am the epitome of disrespectful and useless and such a little bitch and stupid and do i need someone to go with me to school every day and hold my hand and remind me to breathe? and like. i can take that, in a way. it’s the normal shit i get from this woman. what really, for some odd reason, got me this time? when she asked, i think completely sincerely, actually, if there was some sort of implant that could make me better. like bitch. i’m not a fucking dog, you don’t need to fucking chip me so you know where i am all the time. i’m not a fucking robot that needs a fucking upgrade so that my fucking memory is better. i haven’t really said anything to her (or anyone really) about this (cause i don’t fuckin trust her not to give me shit because of it) but i have. a fuckin Issue. with fuckin dehumanization. and that hit. every single fucking button. so i’m fucking pissed and just decide that hey. i’m gonna go to my room for a minute. so i don’t fucking murder my dad’s wife. and i get shit for that too!!! like what in the fUCK???? and now i’m at my grandma’s for some length of time. in fuckin exile. 

    fourth, because i feel like it’s its own thing. my stepmom. as i’m going to my grandma’s for my tommyinnit arc. stops me for a minute. uses her “i’m being genuine (lie) and just trying to make you understand my point of view (with the attitude that it is the only one that matters cause yeah) because being me is hard :(” voice. tells me. “I just want to help you, but you being here makes me think about hurting myself.” which. yes, i understand is not a thing to just dismiss. i do kinda feel shitty about it. but also. 2 things. one, she said it in such a tone of voice that practically screamed “this is a lie to make you feel like shit”. and two, she?? also does this?? to me??? like honey. the blood on the inside of the thighs of my pants and the pocketknife blade hidden in my jewelry box are saying a bit more about “thinking about hurting myself” than you, sitting there on the couch, rewatching game of thrones for the third time. i sound like an asshole in this bit. but i’m just. fuckin angry. 

     fuckin angry and fuckin pissed at myself. cause maybe if i didn’t fuck that assignment up, i’d not be in so much trouble. if i did the chicken stuff earlier that day i’d be at home still. if i could focus more in class my parents might not be as easy to piss off. if i were just. better. if i were not. like this. if i could do more than just “try to” change. if i could look at my issues and actually work to fix them rather than staying up till midnight on a weekday, spending over an hour typing a fucking essay about the shit i’ve been through this week that nobody is gonna read. maybe even if i just. weren’t here. 

    i wasn’t supposed to exist. there were. so many signs. telling my parents that they shouldn’t have kids. one - the fact?? that my mom had no less than four miscarriages??? before she got pregnant with me??? one would think that they may stop trying after like. two. and my mom already had one son! it was with her first husband (red flag right there lmao) but she had! a kid! already! why go through all that pain? idk. i’m not, and never will be, a parent. two - my parents! actually did! decide to stop trying! to have a kid! and then my bitchy little -9 month old ass was like “hey bitches are you ready for 16 years of hell?” three - there were so many issues with my (i mean. not mine but the only one i’ve been involved in) pregnancy. like. mom got badly sick like. 3 times. she told me one day that her doctor told her that it would be healthier for me? if she kept smoking while she was pregnant???? so that’s fun. and i’m positive that it was not just nicotine. yeah. fun. don’t necessarily have an issue with weed but like. bro. you’re pregnant. no thanks. four - i was a cesarean. not that that’s really an issue. but. i felt like it might go on here. five - i refused! to breathe! on my own! for almost 24 hours! this might have meant something!!!!! 

     i don’t even know what i’m writing anymore honestly. i’m feeling emotions and i hate it. it’s midnight. i’ve spent over an hour writing this.  why am i not working on my fic. bye.

i would like access to alcohol please lmao

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

have you ever do coming out? how it was?

I did, and let me tell you, I'm really really lucky, even if not every one of them was a good experience.

I've only fully come out to my other LGBT+ friends, online or irl, who are of course very accepting of everything.

I've come out about my sexuality only (the one I identified with at the time, which actually I realized wasn't for me this year) to a very few number of irl non lgbt+ friends in different occasions, it went really well in both, one quite literally made me feel like it was the most normal thing in the world since I was telling a story and he was completely unfazed when I mentioned I had a gf. The other two were really happy I could open up and trust them and were really supportive and would always ask me how it went with the girl I was with at the time. (these two were around 2018)

Then my family. Well.

This one's a little complicated because it's not that they hate me or kicked me out or anything I just kinda.. Feel like they don't care. And it's the type where you would be scared to bring up anything about the community because you're convinced they wouldn't care nor want to know anything. It's the type of "as long as you don't bother me I don't mind." which is the type of mindset my dad has a lot in regards to my sister's bf (just fyi, she's 21 and he's 23 so like... Wow thanks. Sometimes I feel bad for how he treats her about her bf.)

So when I came out about my sexuality to my mum, she was fine with it, we just talked about some lighthearted stuff.

Then she asked me something where I made a huge mistake, she said "do you want me to tell dad for you?" and I said yes, since I'm too scared. Well in hindsight I should've kept my mouth shut about it: see basically at the time I had an online girlfriend who was a couple of years older than me, and I mentioned that to mum, and basically when my dad confronted me, he did it in the worst way possible.

He was mad I was in a relationship with this person and he claimed she promised me something out of it?? Like I was with her only because of something and not because we liked each other. He hated (I think he still does, softened up a bit because my sister has had a long distance bf for 1 year) internet friendships or relationships and my mum lowkey did too because she kept saying how basically it's not real because it's all digital and digital life isn't real. (this really upsets me because what, then you would excuse cyber bullying with that type of reasoning? But whatever, not the topic)

So he was really mad at me and demanded he looked through my phone, to which I couldn't say no or else he would think I was hiding something (and anyway, if I said no he would've done it anyway), and he started looking through the entire chat (and other ones with my friends) and read thousands of texts.

Now at the time I had only said I liked both boys and girls cause I know the concept of nonbinary is already too complicated for them to understand and unfortunately my dad came across the label pansexual (since the gf at the time was pan), I explained it to him and he just said I read too many things on the internet.

Imagine how hurt I was because that was actually how I used to identify back then.

Things escalated during those months, everytime he got mad at me, he would randomly take my phone and read conversations I had with this girl and he would comment on them just because and make me feel even worse, he basically hated her and lowkey hated the fact that I was with her.

The worst thing was that I sadly vented to her about him sometimes and he would basically prohibit me to vent and that's how I ended up deleting every single vent moment I had right after we talked. Years later I come to know that my sister had actually access to my chatting app and would tell my dad what we said, which is why he told me back then "I know you're deleting texts".

My mum wanted to send me to therapy because she didn't understand a single thing of what I said when I said I wasn't sure whether I liked boys girls AND more or just boys and girls. She thought I meant I didn't know if I was straight or not, I meant I didn't know if I was bi or pan, which is why I never mentioned gender identities to them and why I am closeted about me being nonbinary to them. (btw this was the understanding of the difference between bi and pan at the time, I was 15, I now know it's more complicated than that.)

About my sister, she came to know in the worst way possible too. For some reason I was afraid she would be homophobic and after I told mum, there was this one time I was at a restaurant with family friends and my cousins, aunt and uncle.

May I say I was sitting right between my cousin and my sister and in front of my aunt.

Unprompted, she asks me if I'm gay, but like she used this Italian phrase that I really don't like much, since it's usually used to make jokes by straight people about someone being gay.

I was there like GOD FUCKING DAMN IT we're LITERALLY next to our cousin and aunt COULD U SAY THAT LOWER. I told her I wasn't straight and, I don't remember much really, but she was offended I didn't tell her first. Like, wow, okay, coming out is difficult as fuck, but go on, be offended.

I had to go to the bathroom right after because I had an anxiety attack.

After things quieted down with my parents (as in my dad wasn't taking my phone as much), things started escalating with the girl I was with, she assumed a rather toxic behavior and I ended up dumping her.

Can still remember how my sister told me dad had said "thank goodness" when he learnt I wasn't with that girl anymore.

How also my mum said "cmon maybe next time you'll get a boyfriend". Wonderful comfort mum yes I already had a bf before, he dumped me one month after because he liked someone else not sure I want to try the experience again!! :)

Anyway, this is the reason why I do not talk about my relationships to my parents anymore. I had a girlfriend for almost 2 years and my dad knew nothing. My sister did because she actually grew a little bit better about this stuff (she's the embarrassing questions type, but at least she's not a bitch) and my mum knew around 6 months in, because she asked and we were alone. (I still think she thinks I'm a lesbian)

Also the reason why, when I got a pride flag while on school journey in the UK, I hid it in my drawer. And the reason why I'm terrified of asking of going to pride.

As of now, I have a lovely partner and yes, my entire family absolutely doesn't know and will not know if not strictly necessary. Maybe I will tell my sister, I was thinking about it, because that could probably make some personal stuff less difficult to do.

See, technically it's not that bad now, we just never bring it up at all and I never think about the clusterfuck of things that happened in 2016.

The disappointing Gender

Pairing:  Bestfriend!Ashton x Reader   

Warnings: shit ton of cursing, dont worry I love men, but women are just easier at times. Based on a real story, that shit really happened to me. 

Summary: Some men are just straight up trash. And what’s better than to vent about them to your willingly listening best friend Ashton. 

My Masterlist 🦋

(Gif credits: @ghostofmashton​)

“I don’t know exactly what goes through your mind when deciding to finally peel your limp body out of your comfy sheets, go through the usually long, self-esteem-damaging process of “getting ready”, find an outfit you would feel comfortable but not underdressed in and then leave for a party. Let me be honest, I mostly think: at least let it be worth all this. And then maybe something like; maybe I’ll meet someone. “Someone” carefully and fully on purpose undefined because you don’t want to get your hopes up and then be disappointed. But “someone” secretly being a guy, optionally a boyfriend even, but just maybe.

“However, now you are at that party, ready to meet new people and you take a look around. You see many people; some you think are pretty in your eyes some aren’t. But that’s okay, that’s only natural. So then after a time, when you have met a few girls you get along with, you spot the “someone”. And your friends somehow knew about him and all that bullshit and tell you the teeniest bit of bloody information alright? And he, on top of that, seems to be interested, keep that in mind.”

I stopped for a second, taking a gulp of my water. The few ice cubes clicked softly against the glass when I placed it back down.

“Alright. Now, you chat with him, all friendly funny business, you develop a sort of insider joke. It’s funny and you think wow, it isn’t all that difficult to talk to boys, amazing. Eventually, you also had a few, and I don’t want to say advantageously but it does help.”

A giggle fell from my bestfriends lips, but I decided to just keep going. “I will again be honest, I was a bit…inebriated if I may say so and if you would want to take me as an example. However, maybe you flirt for a while, and it really all goes well, so well that you would’ve started to become suspicious, since it was you after all. Continuing, because you’re bloody sloshed, you don’t suspect anything, even though if you would’ve just listened closely you could’ve totally heard fate snigger.”

I earned an amused hum from Ashton for that, picking up my glass again. “Further on, one of your new friends disappears with a guy and it’s okay for you but not for her friend whom you also are friends with now. That, because the other girl actually does have a guy eventually. But she isn’t sure. So you go get her, and you sit down with the girls outside to have a chat. Because it’s important that she still has a good night and so on. During that amount of time, you selflessly neglect your guy. Not that he is your guy in reality, but you secretly might have planned on making him your guy.” After a big gulp I placed my glass back down again, the ice now almost completely molten.

“Suddenly, that bloke walks out, raising a single hand at you as an obvious goodbye. And you sit here, startled and a bit dumbfounded because what the fuck is he leaving already. Quick note; it was hardly midnight, the clock stroke twelve maybe two minutes ago. So you get up, approach him and ask, why in the love of Jesus effing Christ he’s leaving already. His response; well. He hasn’t been blessed with the best of experience with women.”

And annoyed frown settled on my face. “I mean what kind of excuse is that? I haven’t only met them good guys either, but do you see me acting like an antisocial scaredy-cat? Nope sir, because I am not that superficial, and you shouldn’t be as well because I am not “women”. Also, have I mentioned that my friends told me, that he was total slag, like a fuckboy freshly bred. Best experience with women my fucking ass. However, back to my example; you then are still a bit startled because he slips that he has been cheated on and all that godforsaken crap. And in your woozy, naturally kind-hearted state you are in, you do feel sorry and possibly even apologise for being so bold. Also, because you don’t want him to think bad of you, he is very attractive after all and you have not given up your hopes just yet.”

A grin had now settled on Ash’s lips, as he leaned back with his drink, the attention still fully with me. “Then he says something like; but it was nice to meet you, and asks you to say your name again, and you do so. Naturally you do ask him the same thing…and you may have forgotten the name already.” I added with a frown, desperately trying to remember. “Something with F and it sounded French or such. Don’t know, not important anyways. Just like his existence.”

At that, Ashton laughed out loud, but wisely keeping quiet. “Yeah you just laugh…however, he then throws that horrid line; we’ll see each other again yeah?

At you, and you might think cool. But how for the love of fuck, since you don’t have anything except for a name. So the thing you do then is, you scrap all of your…I don’t know confidence from off the bottom of your rotten self and ask, if he wants to at least give you his snapchat.” Ash let out a whistle but I waved him off.

“I’m not done yet. So you ask. And he just ignores your question somehow, can’t really remember how. The whole time he’s walking away from you backwards, I guess towards the busstation and you have to follow him like damn mongrel…however. You end up leaving it be and sprinting back to your friends telling them what happened. Because they “know” him, they know his Instagram, so you decide to follow him. But he is on private so you got to send a request. Done with a few clicks, in approximately ten seconds. So now he is gone, you feel disappointment bubbling up, because fuck.”

Ash nodded slowly, looking up at me since I got up impatiently from his couch. “Sounds fun?” he said in a more or less questioning manner and I shot him a dark look.

“Buzz off twat, the best part’s only coming.” Ash rose an eyebrow, leaning back expectantly again. “Next morning you go and check your Instagram, somehow curious if he accepted your request and what do you see? He fucking declined it! This bloody wanker skipped my music, stole my attention and wasted my fucking time, four hours of it!” Ashton broke out in a fit of laughter, nearly spilling his drink.

“Comedy at its finest, certificated gold. Platinum even. Oh Jesus Christ. And that all has obviously not happened to you, you just purposely told it like it did right?” I huffed annoyed, dropping down again. “Never, as if stuff like this would ever happen to me. I mean, I totally understand mankind, it’s just that you can’t fucking use any of them.” Ash giggled, a dopey grin on his face.

“Come again?” I rolled my eyes. “I said, that you can’t fucking use any of you gentlemen. Men are so disappointing, like get a grip on yourselves honestly.” Ash grinned, nudging me with his foot. “Haven’t you just said that he should stop being superficial because of one woman?” he teased and I gave him an angry glare.

“Cheating and just generally being international disappointments is something else. I slowly start to believe that you guys are just born with that twat-gene. It’s almost not your fault. It’s probably the Y-chromosome, would explain why women aren’t like you guys.” Ash shot me an amused grin.

“I don’t know if I would surprise you saying that the explanation why men and women aren’t the same accurately is rooted in our genes. To be specific, it’s even a matter of just those two chromosome, the X-chromosome and the Y-chromosome…” I groaned annoyed, aiming a pillow at his head. I missed, but the message was clear.

“Smart-alecky dimwit, get off my back. I need emotional support, because member belonging to your sex has wasted my time and, in addition to that, ruined your all’s reputation.” Ash just hummed amused.

“Is that so.” I nodded, pouting bolshie. “Then I suggest, you listen to Ariana Grande’s Thank u Next and some Beyoncé, maybe also Rihanna. They’ll support your idea of men being trash immediately I am sure.” I flipped him off immediately, even though he had brought up a good point.

“I am kidding sweetheart. I know men can be idiots, but so can you females.” I couldn’t help but throw him a derisive look “Yes, males and females can be difficult at times.” I mocked him and he just shot me a lopsided grin. “Now you get off my back, annoying brat. But you are over him?” I shrugged.

“I mean, I was never actively involved with him, so I guess?” he nodded softly. “Venting felt good?” I nodded quickly. “Always does. Thanks bud.” He smiled warmly at me. “Everything for my best friend. Mind if I quickly call Kaitlin…” as he saw my face he immediately rolled his eyes. “Oh your little girlfriend huh? Young Irwin’s a little whipped?” giving me the finger he got up and grabbed his phone. “Shut up. I’m right back you bitter prick.”

I laughed sitting up again. “I am not bitter, I am happy for you Ash. Furthermore, I don’t have any problems with taken people or relationships. The problems I have, start when selfish and inconsiderate assholes rub in the fact that they have someone, and start gushing about them. When I, as an admittedly slowly bitter, but independent single person, couldn’t give a shit or two.” Ash grinned at me, shaking his head slightly. “I love you, you madwoman. Also, I am sure you’ll find your guy and we can do all those disgustingly cute things best friends do when they both are in relationships.”

I scrunched my nose. “Like what? Double-dates? In this case, I’d rather stay single Irwin, and now get lost you need to call your babygirl or whatever. Our ice cream is melting and our friends-day is not over yet. So you better hurry your red-dyed, slicked back visage up.” I responded harshly but with a loving lilt to it.

“On my way, woman. Love you, don’t eat my ice cream.” I just huffed, waving him off quickly. “Love you too, you ashy bitch.” I then almost choked on my water when I saw his expression at my words. He grinned and shook his head, pressing his phone against his ear.