#did anyone else have this experience i've always wondered
Note
Hi! I’m 23 but requesting anonymously because this is a similar situation I experienced and wished someone would have been there for me.
I was wondering if you would be interested in writing a Steddie x reader story where the reader recently lost her grandma who she lived with in a two bedroom apartment. It’s left the reader financially strapped and she posts an ad for a roommate. Steve and Eddie are looking for a place and sees the ad. Steve is a nurse and Eddie is a mechanic or masseuse (two extremes but I feel like Eddie is always a mechanic lol).
The reader is really withdrawn and struggling with grief because her grandma was all she had. She is working two jobs and not taking care of herself. She wears herself out and gets sick. She’s really resistant to letting anyone take care of her. And she doesn’t talk to Steve and Eddie much because she’s trying to hide her struggles and doesn’t want to bother them. And it’s an adjustment to living with other people. Steve and Eddie have a huge soft spot for the reader and want to take care of her.
There can be smut or no smut in this or if it would happen to turn into two or more parts! You’re a talented writer so I have no doubt you will write this beautifully!
A/N: It took me awhile to get to this because it struck a cord with me. I get this. I am this minus a Steve and Eddie.
I think I've mentioned it before but my father suddenly passed away 10 years ago and it destroyed me. I still deal with the aftermath of that to this day. Not only do I struggle with that grief but I struggle with how I was and have been treated which is why I am a big advocate on taking the time to feel what you feel and no matter what anyone says THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON GRIEF.
The doctor experience I write in this story happened to me and the chaos of that...I can't even... But yeah...more than anything I want anyone who's grieving a loved one to know, you are not alone, you are not broken, your feelings are valid, and I love you <3.
The title of this comes from "Guernica" by Brand New. I was thinking of this song when I got the request because the lead singer wrote it for his grandfather who was sick in the hospital.
P.S. I am more than willing to write another part to this. I wanted to focus on the emotional aspect more than a smutty aspect for this first part.
Warnings: Topic of Grief and loss of a family member, panic attack mentioned in slight detail, Steve and Eddie have an established relationship here.
"I submit no excuse
If this is what I have to do
I owe you every day I wake
If I could I would shrink myself
Sink through your skin to your blood cells
Remove whatever makes you hurt
But I am too weak to be your cure
Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind."
“So, um, yeah the rent is $1300 including utilities and it’s due on the first of the month. You can leave it on the counter here and I can take it down to make the payment.”
Watching them go through her room was like being stabbed in the chest. When your grandmother passed, a part of you died with her and it killed you even more when you had to slowly begin removing things from her room to make space for a new roommate. Your grandma was your everything basically being a mother to you when everyone else disappeared. When she got sick it, it was no brainer to have her move in so you could look out for her with as much love and care as she had you growing up.
For four years, she fought her disease until heaven decided it was time for her to go home. After that you began to spiral and not just personally but within life. When did everything become so expensive? Even in your rent-controlled apartment, you could barely afford the bills because everything else around you escalated to the point where now you couldn’t even take out a small loan to get groceries because your credit was so fucked up.
You didn’t want to get a roommate and avoided the notion as long as possible but when it was becoming harder and harder to live day to day, you finally gave in.
You were surprised when a boy answered your ad you had placed in the paper but when he told you their story, you couldn’t help but sympathize.
“Yeah, my boyfriend and I are looking for a nice, safe place. The small town we were living in was already harassing him for the way he looks but when they found out we were together… I knew I needed to get us both out of there.”
“We can take it if you want. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of everything.”, the pretty boy who introduced himself as Steve responded as he leaned against the wall next to you.
“I mean it’s no problem. I work a couple of jobs so I usually leave pretty early anyway.”
“Me to. Well, it’s more like me coming in early because I work overnights from time to time. I’m not sure if the hospital over here is the same but… yeah. What, um, what do you think, babe?”
The longhaired boy who told you his name was Eddie beamed widely your way.
“I love it. Are you sure we won’t be bothering you, sweetheart? We’re nice guys, we swear.”
“No. No bother.”
Both men glance towards each other at your sullen tone before Steve extended his hand towards you with an equal large but soft smile of his own.
“We’ll take it.”
***
You didn’t anticipate how hard it was going to be having someone in the apartment again let alone people that reminded you of her. Before she retired, your grandmother was a nurse and when the scent of hand sanitizer and hospital lingered on Steve’s admittedly beautiful hands, your mind shifted to the stories she would tell you about her late nights talking with patients in her care.
Through smell alone, you learned Eddie got a job as a mechanic at the shop down the street and the first night when the aroma of gasoline lingered you cried at the memories of being a little girl with your grandparents, sitting by your grandfather’s truck as he attempted to fix it for the 400th time.
Loneliness began to set in almost immediately after they moved in. They never actively displayed affection in front of you but there were moments when you were leaving for work and you’d pass by their open bedroom door to see them cuddled together. Sometimes at night when you would come home from your second job, you would hear Eddie talking to Steve over the phone while he was at work and he would giggle at something the man said on the other line before telling him how much he loved him.
You missed having someone care about you…
Your grandparents had always been there for you through everything; every breakup, rough patch in life, or just to have someone remind you that you were loved unconditionally…they were there.
When your grandmother lived with you, you laughed harder, smiled wider, and loved waking up in the morning. Now that all seemed so far away, so unattainable. You couldn’t ever picture yourself being happy like that again.
To avoid that pain, you ran around constantly. It’s not like you could stop anyway with how hard things got around you. Life moves on…you can’t stop just because you’re numb. You suffer through it just like everyone else.
“Y/N?”
At the sound of Eddie’s voice, you jumped shattering the glass in your hand.
“Fuck, I’m sorry—”
“No, no. That was my fault. You seemed lost in thought. Don’t move, I can clean this up here.”
Nodding, you stood still as you watched him run to grab a broom before your brain caught up with you.
“Wait! Wait, um, don’t…don’t throw away the glass. This was, um, someone in my family gave me this cup.”
“Oh, uh, ok. Well, I don’t see a lot of little pieces. I can try and fix it for you. Do you feel comfortable coming into our room?”
Silently, you headed in that direction, pausing in front of the bed as the metalhead shimmed around you to dig in the desk drawer by the window. Everything in the room was completely different. Where her bed with her yellow comforter used to be was now a bigger bed, higher off the ground with black sheets and blue pillowcases. Where her dresser used to be with the vanity that had photos taped to the mirror was now a much smaller 3 drawer shelf with a guitar hanging above it. On the nightstand, instead of medication and a photo of you with your grandparents, there was now a pack of cigarettes, empty beer cans, a photo of both men, and a book that was half read.
“Ok, I knew Steve had it around here somewhere. I’m clumsy as hell so he’s always fixing things I accidently break.”, Eddie mused as he sat on the floor and began to focus on his task. “So, um, how are you?”
You couldn’t help but breathily laugh at the awkward way he asked that making him smirk at the sound as you took a seat in front of him.
“I’m alright. I just have a lot going on, you know?”
“Yeah, you come and go a lot like Steve but he gets to sleep. What do you do if I may ask?”
“I’m actually a photographer for the paper.”
“Oooo paparazzi girl!” Eddie’s grin grows as his eyes take you in watching you genuinely laugh for the first time since they met you. “Is that why you come and go at weird hours?”
“Oh, no. When I’m not there, I have another job at the mall taking photos of like families and kids at Glamour Shots.”
“Yeah? Those shiny, glimmering photos? I keep trying to get Steve to take a couple of those with me but he gets adorably embarrassed.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Geez, uh, almost 3 years now. Spent the first couple hiding our relationship because of our town and his parents, rich fuckers who think they control the moral high ground.”, he rolls his eyes. “A few months ago, he finally told them we were together and his parents kicked him out of his house. A couple weeks later, I got harassed at my job and that was the final straw. Steve packed our things and we drove out here.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No reason for you to be, princess. You’ve been nothing but nice to us. Well, when we see you.”, he chuckles. “Steve gets worried sometimes that you push yourself too hard.”
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m strong. I’ll be ok.”
“No one’s saying your weak, Y/N.”
“Good because I’m not!” You snap as silence falls over the room before Eddie displays the cup for you with his palm on the bottom.
“You may not want to use it for its purpose but keep it as a display.”
Without taking it from him, you rise to your feet and run to your room, slamming the door.
###########
Everything was loud.
Why is everything so loud?
You were running late for your second job and you couldn’t find the polo you wore for it. You felt disgusting, not having time to shower in what felt like an eternity and you were just so fucking exhausted. You couldn’t afford to lose this job nor calling in to rest. You had to make money. It’s what everyone else does.
Why is everything so loud?
As you opened your door, you were met with Eddie standing at the counter in the kitchen.
“Have, um, have you seen…”
“Y/N, are you alright?” Tears cloud your vision as you run your fingers through your hair and absently look around the apartment with your eyes. “BABE.”
You flinched at the metalhead’s loud but stern tone not even realizing that Steve was suddenly in front of you with his hands on your biceps.
“Y/N, what’s going on?”
“Let me go! I have…I have to…to go to work…”, you sobbed before your legs gave out and the world went black.
***
When your eyes finally fluttered open, it was pitch dark outside and your body felt incredibly drained. It felt like every bone in your body had become stiff as you carefully tried to sit up.
“Hey, no, no, no. Don’t move to quickly or we’ll lose you again.”, Steve cooed softly as he came up from behind you and sat down on his knees to help adjust you. “Good. Here, drink some of this but not too fast.”
When he handed you the bottle of water, you gladly sipped it as his concerned eyes scanned you over.
“How are you feeling?”
“Heavy.”
“I’m not surprised. When you push your body as hard as you have at some point it pushes back. Do you think you can eat something while we talk?”
When you nodded, a plate appeared beside you as Eddie handed it to his partner.
“I’m going to ask you some questions purely from a medical standpoint, ok? Do you feel comfortable if Ed stays? He had a bit of a panic attack to when we couldn’t wake you up.”
“That’s fine.”, you whisper. “Is that what happened? I panicked?”
“Um, kind of, honey. This kind of seems like a slow build so I would say anxiety attack. We know you work pretty much around the clock and you told me when I called that you were struggling with cash. Has anything else been going on?”
“Someone…that mattered to me…is gone. Died.”
Eddie sat on the couch next you and without thinking brushed some of your hair behind your ear so they could see your face better.
“I’m sorry. How long ago?”, the nurse continued to inquire.
“On the 18th it will be 8 months.”
“And you’ve been doing everything you have?! Y/N.”, the metalhead sighed as his boyfriend gave him a look of warning as if to say tread carefully. “Sweetheart, you should be taking it easy so you can grieve.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m supposed to be fine by now.”, you murmur as you shrug your shoulders. “After my grandmother died, I got 2 weeks paid leave for bereavement. Two weeks. Two weeks of fucking casseroles, sympathies, and people checking in. After that time, everyone began to slowly disappear and I went back to work but I never…I never felt whole. I didn’t understand why everyone else seemed fine while I was still felt like I was dying.”
“After two months, I went to a doctor and told them how I felt. Do you know what she said? ‘After 6 weeks, it’s no longer grief but depression.’ That shook me. I thought to myself ‘well shit. I guess there is a time limit on grieving and there must be something wrong with me because I can’t get better!’”
The tears begin to fall at a faster pace and you let them go.
“I still have to work, pay my bills, live my life… but no one ever walked me through how to do that. No one ever showed me how to continue existing without the person you love…without someone who meant the most to you… I wasn’t prepared to be left alone without her.”
Eddie presses your head to his chest as you sob, his arms squeezing you tightly as he whispered that you were ok. Sudden heat warmed your side as Steve leaned his head against your shoulder as he intertwined his fingers with yours while your body trembled against them.
This had been a long time coming and you allowed the pain to wash over you till you fell asleep in their arms.
***
This time when you opened your eyes, you were bundled up in a blanket with your head still against Eddie’s chest with one hand comfortingly rubbing your arm while the other held a book he was reading.
“What are you reading?”
Tilting his head, his gentle eyes take you in as he grins and closes the book to show you the cover.
The Vampire Lestat.
“I love vampires but Steve likes werewolves. Should have known he’d break my heart one day.”, he teased as the other boy comes around and places a soda with more food on the coffee table in front of you.
“They are big dog like animals. How can you not like them? Y/N, I want you to at least eat a little bit of this, ok? You need to refuel.”
Not wanting to leave the metalheads comfortable embrace, you whine as you sit up until the smell of the pasta hits your nostrils and you realize how hungry you actually are.
“Slow! Goodness.”, Steve chuckles as he takes a seat on floor after serving his partner and himself as well.
“It’s been so long since I’ve had a home cooked meal. Usually, I’m eating microwaved food or something I pick up on the way to and from work. This is delicious, Steve, thank you.”
The three of you casually talk allowing you to really get to the know the men you had been living with. Eddie loved music and had been playing guitar since he was a little boy. He and his uncle had been fixing up cars since he moved in with him after his father went to jail. Steve learned in high school he enjoyed helping people and after he graduated he went to nursing school.
“My dad gave me shit because I’m ‘settling’ and not becoming a doctor. I like what I do though. As a nurse I get more one on one with patients and make them feel cared for which as you noticed is hard in today’s society. Doctors seem to care more about the money and not the person.”
His eyes drink in your demeanor as you smile, agreeing with his words. Your entire energy seemed different since the first time they met you. You seemed to be relaxing a bit more and some of what he assumed was your normal personality began to shine through.
“What about you, honey? Eddie told me you’re a photographer.”
Silently, you unraveled the blanket you had been tangled in and bounced to your bedroom, returning with some photos that you placed on the coffee table in front of them.
“This man here proposed to this girlfriend by painting a mural on the side of an abandoned building that the city was going to tear down. The mayor called it graffiti and they tried arresting him for it.”
“Oh, wow. That’s gorgeous. I hope this guy is making a ton of money in like New York or something.”, the longhaired boy grins.
“This young lady saved her baby brother from a fire.”
“This are amazing, Y/N. You are extremely talented. “
“What was this story about?”, Steve asked as he held up a photo of an older woman smiling on the couch by a window watching the rain.
“That’s my grandma.”, you softly smile as you take it from his hands. “This was about a year before she… I remember we were talking about some trivial stuff and suddenly she turned to me and said ‘Life is beautiful. Even something as small as listening to the rain is never something you should take for granted.’”
“I like that.”, Eddie responded with a tender tone that made you feel safe. “She was right. I know it’s hard with all the bullshit going on in the world but… I think we do need to stop and take a look around, you know?”
“Y/N, honey, we hope you know that you don’t have to do everything yourself. We can help you. We have some money in savings if you need to take a break and—”
“No. No, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking, we’re offering.”, Steve insisted. “At least, quit your second job. You need a moment to breathe. We can help with any extra bills you may have until you really get back on your feet.”
Tilting forward, you kissed his cheek before leaning towards Eddie to do the same.
“Thank you…so much…”
################
Over the next week, you felt more motivated to do things you hadn’t wanted to do over the past 8 months. You did what Steve suggested and quit your job at the mall. You began moving around and leaving the apartment for fun things instead of work. You accompanied the boys to a movie at the theater and took them to the lake where you basked in the sunlight all day.
You took the time to eat healthier, home cooked meals even offering to make your roommates a meal every now and again. Sometimes when you knew Steve would be out all night, you left some leftovers in the refrigerator and wake up the next morning with a note on the counter thanking you with a big smiley face.
One morning, however, you were surprised with something different. When you opened your bedroom door to get some coffee, you noticed a box with a big red bow on the top and a piece of paper attached to the side.
“Y/N,
There’s no bottom to the box so all you need to do is lift. I was afraid if we put this in an actual box it may break. Steve said it would be ok but I reminded him he fixes people not objects : ).
Eddie’s been working on this for a while but we thought after how well you’ve been doing, we just wanted to show you how proud we are of you and how much we’ve enjoyed having you in our lives.
Eddie & Steve”
Carefully lifting the wrapped box and placing it aside, you picked up the glass you had dropped and Eddie had tried to fix. The blank material now had an image of your grandmother you had showed them illustrated on to it with her head turned towards the window. Instead of watching the rain, when she looked out the window there was a detailed drawing of you grinning with your fingers tangled in your hair as you were moving it behind your ear.
He had painted it with light colors, giving her an angelic glow that broke you as you began to cry.
Your feet scooted against the floor as you hurried towards their door and knocked on it a bit too enthusiastically causing it to fly open with a panicked look on the metalhead’s half asleep face.
“What!? What’s going on? Where’s the fire?!”
You tackled your arms around his neck, not even realizing he was only in boxers. From the bed, Steve saw what was in your hand, smirking as he fell back against the pillow and slung his arm over his eyes.
“Thank you for this. You have no idea how much this means to me.”, you whispered.
When he finally realized nothing was wrong, his arms settled around your waist.
“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. You’re not alone, Y/N. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself, ok?” As you pull away and let him go, his hands cup your face as he dries your tears. “Now go back to bed, you fucking weirdo. It’s too early.”, he teases as he lightly pushes you away making you giggle as he turns back around and crawls into bed.
“May I—”
Before you can finish your sentence, he lifts up the covers and Steve pats the mattress between them. Once you climb in, the pretty boy lifts his arm and circles it around you to tug you closer to his side. When your head rests on his bare chest, your surprised at how warm and comfortable he feels against you, looping your arm around him as you nuzzle into his skin. Another set of arms wrap around your waist pressing you against Eddie’s equally comforting frame.
His steady breath hitting your shoulder mixed with the other man’s heartbeat lulls you into the heaviest sleep you hadn’t experienced in a long time.
#############
Steddie Asks
#steddie#eddie munson#stranger things#steve harrington#joseph quinn#fan fiction#eddie munson fluff#joe keery#steve harrington fluff#steddie x y/n#eddie fanfic#steddie ask#eddie munson angst#steddie fluff#steddie smut#steddie fanfiction#steddie fic#steve and eddie#steddie au#fan fic writing#tw grief#dealing with grief
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WITAH for not telling someone my middle name?
My brother invited me to go bookstore browsing with him, his friend John, and John’s wife Rachel, neither of whom I’d met before. We’re all adults, late 20s-early 30s, I present F.
After introductions, we split to browse individually, saying hi if we ran into each other but otherwise continuing to do our own thing.
The second time Rachel and I crossed paths, she asked what my middle name was. I swear it was the first question out of her mouth in a one-on-one conversation, which absolutely floored me because in the many places I’ve lived, it has always been my experience that middle names can be a touchy subject, so it’s never something you’d just come out and ask someone?
I really didn’t want to tell her because, besides being a very private person, my middle name is *john mulaney voice* one of the things I’m sensitive about.
But I didn’t want to be rude and didn’t want to make her feel like she had been rude either, so I compromised and said that my middle name is actually a last name but didn’t tell her what it was.
I thought my words and tone were a strong enough indicator that I Didn’t Want To Tell Her So Let’s Please Talk About Other Things Now, but when she explained she wanted to see if mine was similar to a family member’s who shared my first name, she very clearly still expected an answer.
(sidenote: I can understand the curiosity but also have such a common first name that 5% of the people I work with have it, so it’s not like her meeting someone with my name was a rare occurrence or anything)
Well. I still didn’t want to tell her and couldn’t for the life of me think of a polite way to express “I literally met you 30 minutes ago, there’s no way I’m telling you my middle name when most of my friends don’t even know it??” So I just kind of laughed awkwardly and said that if her relative’s middle name wasn’t also a last name then it definitely wasn’t similar.
Then I asked her if there were any books she was hoping to find while we were there, and after a little small talk, we parted and didn’t really talk again for the rest of the night.
I fully realize this is low stakes but I feel like I need a reality check here like is this a normal thing to ask someone you just met?? Was this just a case of poor social skills or was Rachel the AH for asking (and then pressing) a near-stranger for their middle name? Is this just my anxiety-brain overthinking the entire interaction, or am I the AH for being so cagey and not answering when she asked me multiple times?
What are these acronyms?
#aita#am i the asshole#okay. when i was a kid it was like#super a thing to not tell anyone your middle name?#i'm not sure if we were all just scared of getting made fun of#or if my school system was just beset by the fae#did anyone else have this experience i've always wondered
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BBR thoughts 2024
Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies
This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not
So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters
I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash
I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted
Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it
At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do
Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction
So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older
I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet
When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"
But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work
If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now
I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:
Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)
I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat
I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least
I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example
I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep
I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor
I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence
The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers
Some new Dolly outfits
Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days
Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo
I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused
One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book
An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well
So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)
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RELATIONSHIP HEADCANON.
characters: kenshi takahashi x reader x johnny cage.
words count: 1808.
warning: fem!reader in nsfw, but kinda gn!reader in sfw, fluff, pussy drunk kenshi, reader is blushing, threesome ♡, johnny lives for your boobs, kenshi loves kissing, big dick evergy for my boys, anal sex, crempie, vaginal sex, soft sex, kinda hard sex.
mary ♡: hi! i've been gone a long time, haven't i? i put quite a lot into this work and i started liking it from the beginning <3 i had a request for sex with johnny and kenshi but i decided to do it differently, hope you like it! english is not my first language, i apologize for the mistakes 💗💗💗
rules ; masterlist.
SFW.
you three > world ! the most beautiful couple in the world ♡ funny johnny, supportive kenshi and wonderful you 💘
let's imagine a situation where johnny already liked kenshi but didn't know how to say it so he preferred to keep quiet. considering that they interact quite a lot johnny's liking started to increase and he didn't know how to keep it to himself anymore and bam ❗ there you were ❗ you ❗
you were so beautiful in their eyes and got along with everyone, which pleased them constantly. you often joked with johnny and often took care of kenshi by putting your hand on his lower back and guiding him to the right place, yes he could see perfectly well himself thanks to sento, but he felt better with you as his eyes.
kenshi started to feel the warmest feelings for you, considering how much you did for him and how kind you were around him, but at the same time johnny felt a little jealous, you were always together everywhere, and he followed you around, wanting to be closer.
if you were in a relationship with johnny and kenshi, it would be something between two paradise places, since they are both such passionate lovers for you alone. i think you won the lottery when they first expressed a desire to spend time with you, the three of you, in a motel.
imagine raiden's reaction when he sees the three of you and the way you go everywhere together— you broke the boy.
it makes no difference to johnny where to hug you and kiss you and all that, but as far as i'm concerned, kenshi prefers privacy more :( he wants all your angels and demons to be alone with you.
they want to keep you safe from all worlds and liu kang- that bitch will smirk as soon as he sees you.
kenshi is the least jealous type ! ! he knows how much you love and cherish him and wouldn't go for one-on-one fun with someone else, when johnny will tease anyone who comes near you or kenshi, he's like "yeah, that's my boyfriend/girlfriend, now disappear 🤗" SORRY.
they will support you wherever you are and however long it is, you don't have to be afraid to be active with them or have physical contact all the time, these boys are so in love with you that they won't let you think about anything bad for a second ;( they will do anything to make you feel better (find a therapist ✋).
none of them want to hurt you mentally or physically, because they wanted to tell you that they are in love for so long, but every time something prevented them, but now everything is fine ! ! 'cause you three are so cute 😩 😩
you are literally protected by two big demons in the guise of cute little angels who will cover you with their backs in case of any danger so that no one can see you.
kenshi is so loving, he comes up to you and gently hugs you from the back while kissing you on the shoulders and whispering about how happy he is to be with you in this peaceful environment, but then johnny shows up and literally sweeps you off your feet and onto the floor and you're like wtf?
johnny always wants you and kenshi to sit on his lap while you just look pretty and he looks at you with the most loving eyes while running his fingers over your cheeks.
they both cook fine for me, only johnny likes to experiment in the kitchen and i'm afraid he might burn down the kitchen, umm, teach him how to cook please.
kenshi's kisses are too sweet and cute, his kisses are like taking you to heaven and johnny's kisses are very playful when he pulls your lip away and smirks fiercely, either way they just want to kiss you as long as possible.
kenshi likes to sing gentle melodies for you and johnny that are so beautifully soothing after a hard day ! !
the thing that johnny wants the most after a hard day is for kenshi to hug him and kiss him on the temple ! you should totally get this 😩 !
i already said johnny is so playful, he will literally mock you by saying overly wimpy phrases, making you both blush and want to throw him in the gutter at the same time.
omg ! i can't imagine how good it would be to go to concerts with them ! it would literally be a blast, because these guys know no boundaries when it comes to fun, even the silent kenshi will be the funniest person in the world when you're around them.
i know for a fact that kenshi carries around a picture of you kissing his cheeks 🥺 my boy is too sweet, i can't stand it.
amm, bathing with them is so relaxing, you lay together and relax while your hands travel over each other's bodies.
johnny in your relationship will be in charge of movie days ! ! he will prepare everything in advance and make the place to watch as comfortable as possible.
kenshi is such a clean baby 💔 will help you always with the cleaning so it won't be so hard for you.
despite johnny's personality, he's gonna be take a very long time to create your first album together with all your photos and descriptions 💔 it will be your first anniversary gift !
if you want to spend the night doing something the boys will support you in everything ! ! as long as you don't get hurt in any way.
they will never fight with you or bring something to the point of a fight, why would they do that? they will explain everything in a calm voice and just as calmly listen to you, stability is to their liking.
NSFW.
they both work as a team and just want you to feel as good as you've ever felt before !
everyone already knows this, but these boys will get on their knees when you ask them to.
i think their favorite position is when you just look pretty and spread your legs for them, they don't need much 🤭
both johnny and kenshi are not the hardest dominants, they can be soft or they can obey you if you ask 😋
kenshi just loves to lick you in all kinds of ways, his tongue will rub your clit non stop until he is saturated with you = you won't escape. his inner demons awaken when your bedroom door closes and he gives in to his feelings completely without paying attention to anything else.
kenshi will spread your legs wider and wider to reach all the points you want, i can see new feelings playing in him and too much sweat dripping off his forehead from trying so hard to please you 💘
and johnny will be stroking kenshi's head and telling you how wonderful he is, because he's trying so hard to help you reach a euphoric orgasm, while johnny's fingers are tangled in kenshi's hair, his lips quickly find yours and he starts to literally suck you in, without giving you time to even breathe, then he will slowly descend and leave wet kisses on your shoulders, on your neck he will leave the most beautiful hickeys of all his love and he will definitely bite your ear ♡ ♡
johnny doesn't have the most favorite kinks, if he and you and kenshi like something, he will gladly make it a reality and diversify your sex, i think johnny is in charge of that, heheh.
kenshi will definitely kiss the two of you after licking you and oh god it will be soooo hot, his hands will caress your bodies while his lips are trying to kiss as much and as hard as possible.
ah, how much kenshi wants you to praise him during sex ! ! this little angel does his best for you and wants you to see it ! !
i think kenshi and johnny have pretty big dicks, but not the longest ones (otherwise they would break you) so they were not surprised at your startled look when you saw them but my princesses quickly reassured you that everything will be ok and they will be gentle ! !
their pace depends on their mood but I think they are always a bit fast because they can't get enough of you, but when they play the role of the sweetest lovers, the pace becomes gentle and smooth 💗
will never force you to do anything, they are still the sweetest boys in your life ! !
none of the boys will mind if you get on your knees for them and make them feel good, they will rather lose their head and any thoughts if you initiate 🦋 the butterflies in their stomachs will get hotter and hotter seeing you trying to take all of johnny's cock in your mouth and at the same time working your hand on kenshi's cock - they fall in love with you all over again.
they're so loud ! ! they will moan for you all the time and make all kinds of sobs so you know how good they feel around you and that they love what you do for them 🤭
the truest truth is that johnny literally cum when kenshi just kisses him, he just does it too wonderfully 🤧
they most likely have a few favorite positions.
first: when you're lying on jonny's chest and his fingers don't leave your mouth and his other hand is squeezing your breast and constantly touching your nipple while kenshi is thrusting into you and holding you tightly by the waist, trying to beat the hell out of you and make you see the brightest stars.
second pose: when you're on kenshi's chest and he's fucking your ass while johnny towers over you and makes your cunnie more and more swollen. their hands don't leave your body in an attempt to grab all the places, your moans get louder and your bodies bounce against each other more and more wetly. your head falls on kenshi's shoulder and he manages to finally kiss you after all this time.
and the third: when you're bouncing on their cocks one by one and your breasts are shaking so nicely, you're tired and your thighs are sore, but you don't expect it when kenshi gently pushes you onto johnny's chest and starts licking your ass (his favorite thing to do).
and johnny on the other hand loves sucking your tits more than anything and listening to the pathetic moans coming out of your mouth while your eyelids can't even lift from the pleasure and you just hope he lets you cum.
they both go crazy just thinking about cumming in you-the way their cum will come out of you and the way you'll look with it 🦋
after sex they will just collapse next to you (or on you) and try to catch their breath while kissing you on the forehead for a good job 💗 you will always be their best girl no matter what anyone says ! !
bringing you water or something to eat so they can go and swim together, showering you with the sweetest words and making you smile more and more.
but they also want you to tell them how much you love them and what good boys they are to you 💔 they will CHEER !
#mary ♡#mk1 kenshi#kenshi takahashi x reader#kenshi takahashi#kenshi takahashi smut#mk1 smut#mk1 x reader#mortal kombat x reader#johnny cage#johnny cage x reader#johnny cage smut#johnny x kenshi#johnny cage x kenshi takahashi#johnny x reader x kenshi
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exactly what he needs, pt. 2 ♡ ⋆｡˚ | pt 1 | pt3 | pt 4
— pairing: nate jacobs x fem!reader
— type: ficlet (multi-chapter)
— summary: you & nate hang out in your room (after he snoops through it right in front of you), then ask each other questions, & he dresses & does your hair before you head out to spend the evening together.
— tags: conversing, getting to know one another
— tw: sexualization, lying (nate manipulating the truth), dollification
— word count: 6.2k
— a/n: I edited this numerous times, but fucked myself over by writing part 1 in present-tense to begin with, which I'm not always great at. So, if I messed up the tenses anywhere, please ignore it. Going forward, I'll probably be publishing further installments in past-tense.
Next post will be reader & Nate going shopping & having dinner!
The next morning when you wake, it only takes a few minutes for you to remember that Nate will be there in a little less than an hour, and the nerves immediately set in.
Surely people will see you getting out of his truck. What will they think?
You shake your head. It doesn't matter. Not really, anyway. You don't much care what any one person of the student population thinks of you.
You know high school is just a blip—a very brief moment in time, where it seems like every little thing you experience can be the end of the world, but it's really all just the beginning.
People will think whatever they like. It's not your job to try and change their minds. Not that trying to do as much would work anyway.
Once you've quickly showered, dressed, pulled your hair into a high ponytail to keep it out of your way, and eaten breakfast, you don't even have time to wait by the door as Nate's truck pulls up. You quickly pull on a pair of boots and step outside, locking the door behind you.
When you look up, your stomach does a flip when you see Nate holding the passenger-side door open for you.
You walk over to him. "You don't have to get my door for me, you know."
He shrugs, taking your backpack from you, setting it in the backseat with his. "I want to."
You tell him thank you as you climb inside and he shuts the door behind you.
Once you're on the road, he's the first to break the silence. "You can listen to whatever you want on the radio."
In truth, it's a bit too early for music for you. "I'm ok."
"Did you eat already?"
You nod. "I had a bowl of cereal."
He gives a slight frown. Not a very healthy start to your day. Something full of sugar.
"Do you want me to pick you up something on the way?"
Your eyes go wide. "Oh, no, I'm fine. Thank you, though. It's nice of you to offer."
He decides tomorrow he's bringing you breakfast, and he won't be asking for permission beforehand.
You're both silent again for a moment and the truck slows as he pulls up to a red light. He briefly wonders if you know how to drive. If not, he'd be a more than willing teacher.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you something personal. If you do, just tell me to fuck off and you don't have to answer."
You look at him. "Ok..."
The light turns green and the truck picks up speed again. "I noticed neither of your parents were home yesterday. Were they both at work?"
You grow quiet for a moment, a pregnant pause settling between the two of you as you look out the window at the passing houses.
"My dad was...is. He travels a lot for work, so he's not home much."
He nods, deeming it good news, at least for him. "And your mom?"
You're quiet for even longer this time. Then, "I've never met her."
Minus Lexi, you've already divulged more to him in that short sentence than you have to anyone else at East Highland.
"I'm sorry to hear that." He's not sure that he means it. He despises both of his parents and, if anything, in this moment, is envious of you, due to your lack of relationship with both of yours.
You shrug. "It's fine."
He wants more than just 'it's fine'. He wants to know more, as it's clear it's something which bothers you. He wants you to give him emotional vulnerability for just a moment. Something he can use in the future to work his way in closer to you.
"Do you know anything about her?"
You shake your head. "My dad refuses to talk about her. After a few fights when I was younger where I tried to get him to, I gave up. It's probably for the best. She made her choice, and I think me knowing anything about her would just make things...more difficult. My life, I mean."
Even if you still felt like you were chasing shadows sometimes.
He nods. If nothing else, it's one less person he'll have to go through to be with you. Two less, from the sound of things.
Finally, he turns into the school parking lot, taking his usual spot and he shuts the truck off.
"I'll get your door for you," he states before getting out.
You unbuckle yourself, not sure what to think of his insistence with the whole door thing. It just doesn't seem to be something men much concern themselves with anymore—getting a girl's door for her—at least not teenage boys, that is. But perhaps he's different. Maybe it's just the way he was raised.
Nate opens your door and grabs his backpack, sliding it over his shoulders, then grabbing yours as well.
You get out and go to take it from him, but he continues holding it.
"Turn around."
Your brows furrow for a moment, but do as he's asked. You quickly realize what he's doing and adjust your arms as he slides your bag onto your back. He's really going the extra mile to be a gentleman, you think.
Once the truck's doors are closed and he's locked the vehicle, he places his hand against the small of your back as you walk into school together.
You look perfectly calm on the outside, but on the inside, your anxiety levels are rising with each pair of eyes turning your and Nate's way.
When you spot Lexi, the look on her face is nothing short of bewildered. Next to her sits Cassie, who's fuming.
You're torn away from looking in their direction by Nate coming to stand in front of you. "See you in third period."
You nod and give him a small smile, going to sit with Lexi, despite Cassie giving you that same glare from yesterday. A worse one, really.
"What the hell was that?" Lexi asks, her tone full of concern as you sit down beside her, setting your bag on the table.
"Nothing. He just drove me to school, that's all."
"And home," Cassie says, voice full of malice.
Lexi looks from her sister, then back to you. "The two of you are not hooking up."
You flush. "No. He just gave me a ride, that's all."
"Ok, but why would he do that? The two of you never talk. You're not even friends."
You do your best to ignore Cassie's unsettling stare.
"I'm just—" You immediately shut your mouth. You should've thought further ahead, should've thought about what excuse you would give people when they inevitably ask why the two of you are hanging out all of a sudden.
Nate asked you to keep it a secret and you aren't about to betray his confidence. If you do, you're sure he'll fail and never bother asking for help again.
"Just what?" Lexi prods.
"We're just hanging out. It's not a big deal. I promise."
Suddenly, Cassie stands, angrily grabbing her bag, jerking it off the table and storming away.
Lexi rolls her eyes. "Just ignore her. I don't know why she's still hung up on him, anyway. He treated her like crap." She shifts in her seat, facing fully toward you now. "What I can believe even less, however, is the fact you're giving him the time of day. He's an asshole. He was abusive toward Maddy and wanted to keep screwing Cassie so long as she kept it a secret. He uses people, Y/N."
Abusive? You knew he and Maddy had argued quite a bit, but nothing that severe.
"What do you mean by abusive?"
She shrugs. "I don't know much, since she and Cassie obviously aren't friends anymore. But I know a good portion of it, at least, was emotional. Maybe verbal, too. Then again, I don't think she was any better." Lexi glances behind you, and you don't dare turn around, now worried the subject of your conversation is who she's looking at. "She gives as good as she gets."
Once the school day is over and you go to drop off your books at your locker, you find Nate leaning up against it.
He smiles when he sees you and you give him a shy smile in return.
You put your things away, then look to Nate.
In truth, what Lexi told you had gotten to you a bit. You try to tell yourself that it's all nothing more than hearsay, and you're only tutoring—not dating him—so whatever had occurred between he and Maddy and Cassie is none of your concern.
"You ready?"
You nod, and, just like this morning, he places his hand firmly against your back.
Once you're in his truck, you notice Maddy staring at you today, just a few cars away. She and Kat are both looking in your direction, Maddy clearly getting worked up and Kat obviously trying to calm her down, and your eyes widen when she begins heading in Nate's direction.
Before she can reach him, however, he gets in the truck and pulls out of the lot, leaving her standing there, staring after the two of you.
You're glad whatever was about to happen has just been avoided.
Over the next week, you and Nate go to your house every day after school to study. You gradually get to know more about one another, like you learning he has a brother—which you'd somehow managed to forget over the years—and he tells you how passionate he is about personal fitness, something to which you don't much relate.
It'd been abundantly clear since day one that he dislikes his father. But that dislike—even if he talks about him very little—clearly, somewhere along the way, became loathing. It's all in the tone he uses, the language he uses when he's brought up.
But the thing that always seems to calm him—make him happier—is talking about you.
He asks you every question in the book: favorite food, color, flower, song, type of music, art, what you want to be when you graduate, the kind of house you want to live in. The list is endless.
And then the day came when he asked to see your room, with you standing awkwardly in the doorway as he surveys every inch.
He starts with your bed, your fluffy white comforter with small pink flowers printed across it, and your plethora of pillows. And then he notices the small brown teddy bear leaned back against said pillows. He briefly picks it up, smirking to himself, then looking at you.
“Do you sleep with this?”
Your face goes blood-red. “Y-yes.”
He studies it for a moment longer, making a mental note to one day buy you one himself, wanting you to sleep with one that’s come from him instead.
In truth, while you think about you sleeping with a stuffed animal as embarrassing—at least for another person to now know about—it’s a major fucking turn-on for him. You’re that innocent that you still sleep with a teddy.
He sets it back down, throwing a “that’s very sweet” your way before moving on to your bookshelves.
Not that he’s read or heard of the grand majority of the novels you have, he can tell by the titles and covers alone that they’re all either romance or fantasy. He supposes he understands that: you trying to escape through stories. Stories where you can go somewhere else, be someone else. Have a new family, new friends.
And then he thinks it incredibly sad—just how lonely you are.
It’s not like he isn’t already aware of it, because he is—has became more and more so as the last week has gone on. Everyday he’s come to your house it’s been empty. But to see your shelves crammed full of books—your one attempt at escaping into a better life—he vows in that moment to start working faster at bringing the two of you together into a relationship.
You need him.
You like stories about princesses trapped in towers and white knights coming to save them? Then that’s exactly what he’ll be for you. He’ll rescue you from the lonely hell you’re living in and give himself to you fully. He’ll dedicate all of his time that he can to you. And he plans to spoil you fucking rotten.
He looks over the various trinkets you have set on—and on top of—those shame shelves. Porcelain figurines of unicorns and cats, a small jeweled crown, some candles and a few faux plants.
He turns back to you. “Which one is your favorite?”
You shift nervously from one foot to the other. “The Lord of the Rings, actually. I…I really like Éowyn and Faramir’s story.”
He nods.
He’s never watched the movies, and has obviously never read the book, so he makes a mental note to at least do some reading on the characters you’ve mentioned to understand you better.
He then looks over your entertainment center and the small collection of DVDs you have alphabetically organized in one of the cubbies. Beauty and the Beast, Ever After, Stardust, The Last Unicorn, The Princess Bride, among a few others.
He then steps over to your closet and pulls the doors open without even asking your permission first.
You don’t much react to him doing so, supposing that everything in there you’ve worn to school at some point anyway.
He’s met with skirts and sweaters and dress blouses. Another thing he’s going to have to change—your wardrobe. It isn’t exactly “frumpy”, but it isn’t feminine enough for his taste, either. He wants your clothes to reflect who you truly are. Sun and baby doll dresses, and tennis skirts with the right pretty tops will suit you far better. Sandals and delicate flats. Your hair curled and actually down for once, perhaps with a bow in it. And he’ll buy you a few nice pieces of expensive jewelry as well. Maybe take you on a shopping trip to Tiffany one day.
He closes the doors in front of him.
What he really wants is to go through not just your bedside table, but also the top drawers of your dresser. He's curious if you've ventured into the territory of lingerie and sex-toys yet. And if so, what your preferences are.
He doesn't like to imagine you using more than a vibrator on your clit to get yourself to orgasm. As for lingerie, he doubts that you own any, but he often pictures you in lacy panties and pastel teddy nightgowns.
He adds such things to his mental shopping list of things to one day buy you.
Speaking of orgasms, however, he'd come thinking of you nearly every night for the past week.
He imagined you on his bed, naked, your pussy soaked for him, your legs spread wide as he teased you until you were begging for him to put himself inside of you.
He imagined all the things he'd teach you in bed, sure that you're inexperienced.
And only after you promised him that you're his—belonged to him and wanted no one and nothing else but him—did he finally join your two bodies together.
Finally, he sits on the edge of your bed. He then glances to the chair which hangs from the ceiling in the back left corner of your room, directly facing where he now sits.
You walk over, sitting in it.
He then lays back on your bed, feet still planted firmly on the floor, arms folded behind his head—God, he’s so tall.
“Do you not get lonely here?” He asks, turning his head to look at you.
You lift one of your socked-feet onto the chair, wrapping your arms around your bent knee. You shrug.
He shakes his head. “Don’t do that.”
Your brows furrow. “Do what?”
“Act like you being left alone all the time doesn’t matter. It matters; you matter.”
You remain quiet. Then, “I’m used to it. I like being alone.”
He refuses to believe that, knows it’s bullshit.
You’d only spent a week together, and only a little over an hour every day at that, but it’d not taken but a couple of days for you to—at times—talk his ear off. At one point, it’d nearly gotten on his last nerve, until his stomach dropped and heart broke when he realized why: how fucking long had it been since you’d had someone—anyone—to really talk to? Someone who bothered to truly listen? How long had you stayed silent, withdrawing further and further into yourself, until you’d built up an entire fantasy world within your mind and soul, which became your new reality?
And so he promised to himself—and mentally to you—that he’d never, even if it were true—tell you he doesn’t care what you have to say. He won’t be just one more person to hurt and let you down. Just like he knows you won’t be as much to him.
You’re good for him. He could tell as much from the first day he spoke to you.
He stares at you for a moment, making you squirm. “I don’t believe that.”
“Ok.” You don’t particularly feel like arguing. He can believe whatever he wishes.
He frowns. He dislikes that you don’t seem to much care what his opinion of you is. He supposes it’s a strange dichotomy. Going from Cassie who, it was all she cared about, to you, who clearly can’t care less.
“You’re really telling me that talking to barely anyone at school, except occasionally Lexi, and being alone in this house all the time doesn’t ever get to you?”
You shrug. “It’s just what I’m used to.”
In all the talking to him you’d done over the past week, all of it had been surface-level. About history or the new book you were reading, or something you’d read in a news article. None of it was actually truly about you.
If his plan to get in deeper with you—to know you like no other person on the planet does—is going to work, then you need to give him more.
“What if it wasn’t?”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs, looking up to the ceiling. “What if we started hanging out more often than just when we study after school? We could text or something, too.”
You appreciate his being concerned for you, you think it really kind of him. Even if makes you the least bit uncomfortable. You tell yourself it’s simply because it’s something you’re not used to: someone showing genuine concern for you.
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
He looks at you again. “You wouldn’t be. I like spending time with you.”
You’re not sure how to respond, so you just say thanks.
“I feel like for the last week I’ve done nothing but ask you questions about yourself. Is there anything you want to know about me?”
He’ll never admit it, but your lack of interest in him hurts his feelings. It makes him feel like you aren’t nearly as attracted to him as he is to you.
“I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
He smirks. So that’s why. Always so fucking considerate; his sweet girl.
“You won’t.”
You think for a moment. The things you really want to ask him about are too personal this early on (even if you’d told yourself such things were none of your business, you can’t help wanting answers). Like why he despises his dad so much, and what happened with him and Maddy and Cassie. And what happened at that New Year’s party which landed him in the hospital?
You start smaller. “What made you want to play football?”
He considers giving you some bullshit answer—which will seem a plausible enough explanation—and giving you the actual truth. Finally, he decides on both. “It gives me something to do, for one. A reason to push myself harder. It gives me something to focus on. And football is a contact sport. So when I’m pissed off, I finally have something to take it out on.”
“Like when you’re angry with your dad?”
He grows silent.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”
He shakes his head. “It’s ok. It’s not like I’ve exactly been subtle about my dislike of him.”
He doesn’t elaborate further than that.
“So…what’s your favorite color?”
He laughs. “I don’t know. Black, I guess.”
Somehow it seems fitting for him.
He looks at you, able to read you. “But that’s not the kind of question you want to be asking, is it?”
“I don’t want to overstep boundaries.”
He leans up on one elbow. “Then how about we make it fair? You ask me one actually personal question, and then I ask you one. And we both have to answer. No matter what. As soon as one of us refuses to, I head home.”
You think about it for a moment, worried about the sorts of things he may ask, but you have an out. “Deal.”
He smiles. “Alright, ladies first.”
“Will you tell me what happened during New Year’s?”
He sits up fully then. “Fezco smashed a bottle over my head, then beat me within an inch of my life. He got the upper hand immediately by doing what he did with the liquor bottle. He almost fucking killed me, all for a worthless druggy.”
Your brows furrow. “Who?”
“Rue went to him with some made-up story about me harassing her and some friend of hers online. When in reality I want nothing to do with her. So then he threatened to kill me and finally fucking tried to.”
“Why would she do something like that?” It feels like he isn’t giving you the whole story. He’s laid out the edges of a puzzle, but is withholding the middle.
He shrugs. “She’s a drug addict, how should I know?”
Before you can reply, can think of a polite way to say: so what’s the real story here, he takes his turn.
“How come we were never friends?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we’ve known each other since we were five-years-old. We grew up together, have known each other for over a decade now. And only in the last week have we really finally talked, or spent any amount of time together.”
You lean back in your seat. “Well, just because you grow up with someone doesn’t mean that fact has to serve as some prerequisite to becoming best friends or something. Sometimes people, even from a young age, just don’t click. You were always running around on the playground, playing sports with others. I was always sitting off to the side and reading or coloring or playing with toys. I guess you were just more outgoing than me.”
“You know what they say: opposites attract.”
You tell yourself he’s just referring to friendship.
He lays back again. “Well, it may’ve only taken eleven years, but we’re friends now. I just… I just wonder what things might’ve been like had it happened sooner.” He sighs, then, “Your turn again.”
To an extent, you wonder that, too. Mostly just what it would’ve been like to have a best friend for that long.
“What happened between you, Maddy, and Cassie?”
“Not going to give me an easy one, huh?”
You let out a small laugh.
“Me and Maddy had been together since sophomore year. I guess we just grew comfortable with one another, even if we weren’t always happy. Even if it wasn’t always healthy. It didn’t start out toxic. We were happy at first. For awhile. A long while. But she just…it was like she wasn’t pleased unless we were fighting and then making up.
“It was just a constant cycle of her beating me down, then trying to build me back up again through sex. She just…she made me feel like shit about myself. As both her boyfriend and a man. It was like it wasn’t bad enough: the shit I dealt with at home with my dad. She just had to become one more problem in my life that I was forced to deal with.
“I’d hoped that if I loved her hard enough, if I gave her enough, she’d love me back the way I wanted to be loved. The way I loved her. Turns out I was just a fucking idiot.”
Tears sting your eyes. You feel so sorry for him. To be so young and to have already known an emotionally abusive relationship was heartbreaking. It was one reason why you refused to date at such a young age. You were all too young to understand yourselves, nevermind another person. Not in the context of loving and taking care of them, at least. You all were barely even fully-formed people yet.
So that was what Lexi had been referring to before. Just like everything, there were always two sides.
“And Cassie?” You ask, softly.
A muscle in his jaw feathers. “Just a giant fucking mistake. We first hooked up a couple weeks after Maddy and I had broken up…again. It happened on New Year’s Eve. I just…maybe I was trying to get even for what Maddy had done to me at the beginning of the school year—fucking a guy in the pool at McKay’s house—right in front of everyone.
"And then we hung out more, and at first I thought she was different. Maybe better for me. Until she started blowing up my phone with hundreds of calls and texts, screaming one night in my room about how crazy she was, how she’d never let me be with anyone else. How she was better for me than all the rest.”
Your brows raise. That unhinged? Cassie had always seemed so sweet and demure to you. But you’d also hardly ever been around her outside of school.
And dating—being in relationships—seemed to sometimes bring out the worst in people. Facets they themselves didn’t even know they had.
“I’m sorry, Nate. I never knew Cassie was so…” You trail off, until he fills in the rest for you.
“Psychotic?”
You laugh. “I wasn’t going to say it like that, but…” You shift legs, wrapping your arms around your other one now. “Your turn.”
He remains lying back, wanting this question to come off as something he’s casually asking. Whereas, in reality, he’ll be holding onto every word of your answer.
“Have you ever dated before?”
You feel like you suddenly want to use your out, but refrain. It’s a simple enough question, with a simple answer. “No.”
He looks over at you. “Never?”
You shake your head. “Nu-uh.”
His brows raise. He’d never known you to have a boyfriend before, but until recently he’d not exactly kept tabs on you.
It surprises him.
“Have you never kissed anyone or had sex?” He prays the answer to both is no. Also hopes you don’t cut his questioning you short.
You’re quiet for a moment, the two of you just staring at one another. Until, finally, you decide to answer. “No. And I’m not ashamed to say it. Not having done either of those things is a choice, just like having done them is as well.”
He sits up, hunching over to try and hide the erection he can feel forming.
No one has ever been inside of you—not in your mouth, not in your pussy, and not in your ass. Another pair of lips have never even touched your own, another tongue has never tasted you. Another pair of eyes has never explored your lovely naked body.
He wants to know what you do, then, to satiate yourself when the mood strikes. Do you rub at your clit until you come? Do you finger yourself—he wonders if your hymen is still intact? Do you bunch a pillow up between your legs, humping it until you've finished and the case is soaked? Or do you take and rub your teddy against your wet, needy pussy until you’re sore and can’t take it anymore?
God he wants to know what you fucking taste like. Wants to feel your fingers in his hair as he goes down on you. Needs to know what your perfect pussy feels like around his cock.
But he knows it’s too soon for any of that. For you, at least.
“That’s not something to be ashamed of. Not nowadays. You should be proud of yourself for having held out this long. I admire it.”
You shrug. “It’s not that hard to do.”
He smirks. “That’s because you’ve never done it before. Once you’ve been with someone in that way…giving up that kind of intimacy is difficult.”
You think any kind of intimacy must be hard to let go of after having it. Whether it’s emotional, intellectual, physical…sexual. Maybe it’s one more reason you keep most people at arm’s-length. If you never let anyone in, then you’ll never have to worry about losing them.
You clear your throat. “My turn.”
He lays back again.
“Can I ask about your dad?”
He flexes his jaw. “What about him?”
“Why do you hate him so much?”
There’s a long pause and then he finally sits up. “I guess it’s time for me to go.”
You plant both of your feet on the floor, now sitting on the edge of your swing-chair. “You don’t have to. I’m sorry. I was just curious. Since he always seems so…perfect, you hating him, I guess, is just a source of confusion for me. Then again, maybe that perfection is the source of it: your hate. I don’t know.”
“That’s part of it. But not all.” And that’s all the answer he’s willing to give you.
Letting onto his hate for his father in the first place was a mistake. But that loathing sometimes seeped out. And he feels like he can be honest with you. He trusts you. So, sometimes he lets go a little. That lid he keeps so tightly screwed slips loose sometimes in your presence.
He stands and you fill with guilt.
You’d gone too far. You’d known better—that asking about his father would end up being a mistake—but you’d brought him up anyway. And now you’d ruined the day.
“You really don’t have to leave. We can talk about something else?”
He pretends to consider that for a moment. When in reality, he’s all too-pleased that you’re so eager for him to stay.
Then, he steps over to you, standing in front of your seat, towering over you as you look up at him. He briefly thinks that this would be a perfect position for the both of you to be in as you take him into your mouth.
Then, he kneels down. One week was all it had taken for you to bring him to his knees.
He reaches up, grabbing either of the ropes the chair hangs from from on either side of you. “It’s Friday.”
You smile nervously. “That’s very observant of you.”
He smiles, letting out a small chuckle. “I just mean that it’s only four o’ clock; still early. We could go do something together.”
He begins to lightly swing you, just barely.
“Like what?” You ask quietly.
He shrugs. “Whatever you want. I could take you to dinner, take you shopping. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, even if you just want to drive around.”
You don’t know how to respond to his offer. “You don’t have anywhere else you need to be?”
“Not at all.” He wants so desperately to touch you, but he sees you like a newborn fawn, easily frightened; skittish. So he refrains. For now at least.
You glance to the set of glass doors beside the two of you which lead into your backyard. At the sun still high in the sky and tree branches blowing lightly in the wind. And then you look back to Nate, seeing no good reason to waste such a beautiful day cooped up inside.
“Okay.”
He smiles. “Good.” He stands, offering you his hand.
You take it, doing the same. “I’ll just be a minute, I need to change again. Don’t really want to go out in sweats.”
He nods, going to leave, then stops by your closet. He pulls the doors open and you watch as he pulls out a light-pink sundress, then turns back to you, holding it out in your direction.
“You don’t have to wear it, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it on you at school before. Just thought it might look nice.”
You gently take the dress from him.
He speaks before you can tell him no. “I’ll be waiting in the living room. Take your time.”
Once the door has shut behind him, you look down at the dress in your hands, then at the things you usually wear—the clothes you feel most comfortable in—beckoning you from your closet.
While you dress, Nate leans back on the couch, hoping you wear what he’s picked out for you. In truth, he wants to dress every inch of you. He wants to do your hair, your makeup—even if you never wear any. He wants to pick out a cute matching pair of lingerie for you—so only he knows what’s under your clothes—your shoes, your jewelry, even your perfume.
He isn’t sure why it means so much to him—perhaps it’s just another thing he feels the need to have control over. He wants you to look nice. He knows you’re capable of matching his ideal picture of what he wants you to be in his head.
When you finally emerge from your bedroom fifteen minutes later—you’d spent half of that time sitting on your bed considering putting the dress away—he’s left speechless.
You’d put on the dress, along with a cute pair of sandals, your toes already painted a pleasant shade of pink, which just so happens to match the item you’re now wearing. And between your breasts hangs a necklace.
You stand in the entryway awkwardly, one of your hands clutching your other arm. “I feel ridiculous,” you whisper, your face red.
He stands, coming to position himself in front of you. “You look beautiful.”
You’re surprised by his response. Wearing something which shows off so much of your body makes you want to crawl out of your skin.
You’d considered putting on a cardigan to cover your arms, but it’s almost ninety-degrees outside. So you decided against it.
He reaches around to the base of your ponytail, his thumb, index and middle finger gripping your hairband. “May I?” He asks, looking down at you.
You feel dumbstruck by the sensation of the base of your hair in his grip, so you just nod.
He gently pulls the band free, your hair falling over your shoulders and down your back, coming to rest just above your ass.
He’s never seen hair as long as yours before. Why the hell do you keep it up all the time?
He flexes his hand, the holder now firmly around his wrist and he reaches up with both of his hands, running his fingers through your soft hair, massaging your scalp as he styles it.
You just stare up at him, his face the picture of concentration as his fingers work against your head, through your long strands of hair. Your eyelids droop just a bit out of the feeling of relaxation that comes over you, goosebumps rising on your arms.
Nate takes note of that, as well as the quiet whimper in the back of your throat as his fingers brush against the base of your neck for just a moment. He likes that you like the way he’s touching you. He wants to know what other places his fingers and hands could explore that would get him similar results.
Finally, once he deems your hair presentable to his personal satisfaction, half of it falling down your back, the other half split evenly over both of your shoulders, he slips one hand into his pocket, the other coming to rest under your chin, making you look up at him again.
He feels blood rush to his cock at the flushed, lax look on your face as your hooded eyes stare up into his own.
“Why don’t you wear your hair down more often? It looks very pretty like this.”
“It gets in my way,” you state, your voice now having a dreamy quality to it.
He really likes you like this. All soft and submissive and dressed how he likes. He wants you wrapped around his finger sooner rather than later. Completely his in every single fucking way imaginable.
Today will be one step closer to getting that future.
He deems what you’ve said a good enough answer, but he knows you’ll have to get used to it. Your hair being down suits you far better than it being up.
He steps away, walking over to the door, holding it open for you.
Once you’ve locked it behind you, he holds open the passenger side door of his truck for you, same as always, shutting it firmly once you’re inside.
#fic: euphoria (nate jacobs x reader)#nate jacobs x y/n#nate jacobs x you#nate jacobs x reader#nate jacobs imagine#euphoria x reader
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Naughty fantasies | 500 follower special 🖤
Pairing | Boyfriend!Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Avenger!Fem!Reader
Word count | 2.5K
Summary | Bucky recently discovered a specific fantasy he's been wanting to fulfill. Even though you two have never experimented with roleplaying before, you're instantly on board when he brings up the idea of a Student/Teacher roleplay. It's just not the way you had initially thought...
Warnings | Established relationship ~ boyfriend/girlfriend, use of nickames ~ Doll, Baby Boy, Baby
Smut | Porn with some plot, Bucky watching porn, implied male masturbation, oral ~ M&F receiving, deepthroating, student/teacher roleplay, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), Sub!Bucky Barnes at first, but later he takes back control.
A/n | Firstly, I want to apologize that this has taken so long to be posted, life got in the way and with Fluffcember going on too it was hard for me to find the time to write this. But it's here now, and I hope you will all enjoy it! This is written as a thank you and celebration for reaching 500 followers; this one has been chosen by all of you! 🩵
A/n 2.0 | This is proofread by the amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917, for which I am truly grateful! I also believe this was based on a post from @notafunkiller a while back (please correct me if I'm wrong and it wasn't you!) about wanting to see a student/teacher fic with student Bucky, so I hope this will fulfill at least a little bit of that craving 👀🩵
Events
Masterlist | 2. ''Don't tell anyone'' | @the-slumberparty
Banners: @vase-of-lilies | Divider: @firefly-graphics | GIF: Owner
Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist
You've been away on a solo mission for the last three weeks, meaning your boyfriend, Bucky, has been looking for a different way to meet his needs. Not in the form of another woman, but in the form of his fist while watching porn.
The idea of porn was very foreign to Bucky at first, but he has always been curious about it. When he truly couldn't take it anymore, he decided to ask you since there's no one else he trusts more with such a sensitive topic than you.
''Doll? Could you come here for a moment?'' Bucky asks as he's seated on his bed, and you're getting ready for a girls' night out with Nat and Wanda.
You just put on your outfit for the night, and once your heels are on, you're ready to go. During this entire time, Bucky had watched you like a hawk, enjoying every curve of your body when you changed and pouting when you told him you couldn't stay.
If it were up to him, he would have you under him the entire night, making each other cum so many times you don't remember your name, let alone where one person begins and the other ends. But no, you couldn't cancel girls' night again.
''Is everything okay?'' you ask as you walk over to him, putting your hand on his thigh as you look at him with a curious gaze.
''Everything's perfect, but I've been... wondering about something,'' he starts, his voice trailing near the end and a blush creeping onto his cheeks.
Your eyebrows are slightly raised out of curiosity, and your mind is going a mile a minute as you're trying to think of what could be swirling around in his brain. The following sentence is most definitely not on the list of things to even cross your mind, let alone his.
''Where can I watch porn?'' he said it like it was the most casual thing in the world, like someone asking what's for dinner that night. You nearly choked on your saliva, and after your coughing fit, you looked at him to make sure you heard him correctly.
It turns out that you did.
''Are you okay, Doll? I can ask someone else-'' ''No! I can show you!''
It was unexpected, yes, but you didn't want to give Bucky the feeling that you'd think he was weird or that you weren't okay with explaining these things, too. They're only natural, after all.
And that's how you found yourself explaining to Bucky where he can find free porn, and he has been exploring the wonderful world of online porn.
Ever since that night, he has watched porn a couple of times, usually only when you're away on long missions like you are now. He's been watching one of his usual videos when he stumbles upon something he's never seen before that instantly piques his interest.
Student/Teacher roleplay. After that first video, he has been going down an entire rabbit hole of roleplay porn, but he noticed he gets the most satisfaction from the student/teacher dynamic.
Somewhere along the way, he found out about the dynamics being reversed. It was usually a male being the teachers and a female being the students; in this one, a female teacher was punishing her badly behaving student.
Now, he's trying to find a good way to bring up the fact that he's interested in trying out a little roleplay of his own. It's not something you two have ever tried before, but it's not something you have discussed.
So here he finds himself watching the same video over and over again, his sweatpants on his knees together with his underwear and his fist wrapped around his cock, stroking himself at a leisurely pace.
Despite seeing the video countless times at this point, it never fails to get him off, and this time is no exception if it weren't for the fact that you swung open the bedroom door, just as he was about to reach his climax.
His super soldier hearing had not notified him of your arrival because he screamed when you caught him, his phone flying across the room as he tried to cover himself up.
''D-doll! Fuck! I didn't know you'd be home so soon...'' he mumbles, his face bright red while you walk over to where his phone landed to see if it's okay.
''Please, don't tell anyone!'' Bucky pleads, not wanting everyone to know about the kind of porn he watches. It's nothing illegal or anything, but that doesn't mean he's not embarrassed by it.
''I won't, Bucky; this will stay between us,'' you reassure him as you take off your boots before making your way over to the bed, where he's still waiting for what you're going to do next.
''So, you've wanted to try a little roleplay, huh? Well, you could have just asked me, and I would have happily said yes, silly boy,'' you tell him with a sensual voice.
You take slow steps towards the bed as you pull down the zipper on the front of your Tac suit, exposing your bra underneath.
''But first, do you want me to help with your not-so-little problem?'' you ask him, crawling on the bed and in between his legs before pulling the pillow away, revealing how he's still hard as a rock.
''Y-yes, please,'' he whispers, and without any hesitation, you bend down to give a few licks across his red, weeping tip to lick off the few drops of pre-cum that have gathered.
Your fist wraps loosely around the base, closing your mouth around his tip, sucking softly, and earning yourself a loud moan from your boyfriend that has your pussy clenching around nothing.
Slowly, you work more of him into your mouth and throat until your nose makes contact with his pubic bone, and you're gagging around his length. This turns out the be his undoing, and without so much as a warning, he shoots every last drop of cum into your mouth, letting you swallow every last drop.
''Fucking hell, Doll, you always know how to give a warm welcome-'' he tells you as he's softening and coming down from his high, ''- but now it's my time to give you the same.''
The next day, you and Bucky discussed roleplay and your interest in trying it out. However, this is also when Bucky confessed he would like to be the one receiving the punishment and taking the sub role in this scenario.
Your discussion has led to you searching for an office you could use, which may have resulted in a somewhat awkward situation with Steve. See, you've been trying to figure out if any offices are available with a lock on the door, but you didn't want him to know what you would be doing there.
"So, about the office… Is there one available?" you ask Steve again. It's been about a week since you last discussed it with him.
"Well, there are plenty available, but I can't exactly assign an office to you without knowing what you're going to do there," he tells you, focusing intently on your face. You know he means well, but that doesn't make it any less embarrassing.
"I have some- uhm- personal business? With… Well, with Bucky…" you say, your voice trailing off to a whisper, and that's when Steve finally puts two and two together. It's not about exactly what you would be doing, but it did click why you need an office with a lock.
"Oh! Well, uhm… Yeah! We have- I'll put you on the list; I'll let you know!" he says as his cheeks turn bright red, and with that, he storms off to try and not make the situation any more awkward. You quickly retreat to your bedroom to tell Bucky the excellent news, but you decide not to mention that Steve has an idea about what you will do.
A week later, you find yourself in the office Steve assigned you and Bucky. The door is locked so you two can avoid getting interrupted.
''Are you sure you want to do this? Because you know I'm okay with this, of course, but I care about your wellbeing too, Bucky,'' you tell him before you start.
''I'm sure, Doll. And I have my safeword if anything happens that I'm uncomfortable with,'' he reassures you. This does make you feel a little more at ease, and you need to get a few more things ready before your scene.
You've already changed into your outfit of a tight skirt that barely covers your ass, a white blouse that is about two sizes too small, your boobs and bra on full display, a pair of high stockings, and high heels. The entire look is finished with a high ponytail and your glasses.
''Ready, Baby boy?'' you ask Bucky when everything is ready, and when he notifies you that he's ready, you instantly switch into teacher mode. Suddenly, you're glad you've been a high school teacher for a few years before joining the Avengers.
''Somebody-'' you start with a raised voice ''- has gotten an F on last week's test. And because of that, they will receive a fitting punishment.''
Bucky's eyes instantly go wide at how you naturally slipped into your role. Between your authoritative tone and the way you look, he can already feel himself growing hard in his pants, and he has to adjust himself already.
This doesn't go unnoticed by you, and you walk over to Bucky, your heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor. You lean forward when you're at Bucky's table, and this only makes your boobs stand out more, making Bucky unable to look away from them.
You clear your throat loudly, and his eyes instantly snap up to yours, and he knows he's been caught. A deep red color appears on his cheeks and down his neck, and you can't help but grin at the sight.
''What's the problem, Baby Boy? Am I making you nervous by standing so close?'' you whisper in his ear after leaning in, and you are so close to him that he can smell the perfume you're wearing.
He bought it for you last Christmas, and you only wear it for special occasions. This occasion is very special, and his head reels from the thought.
You get back up, and he instantly misses you being so close, but that feeling is quickly gone when he watches you walk, the fabric of the skirt stretching slightly across your butt.
The sway of your hips has his mouth slightly agape and his hand reaching down to his crotch, palming himself over his jeans to give him the slightest bit of relief.
''Barnes!'' you say, and he quickly pulls his hand above the table. His eyebrows go into his hairline as he looks at you, and you turn around, sitting on your desk with your legs crossed.
''Come over here, Baby Boy, and I will give you your punishment now, so you won't have to go to detention later,'' you tell him, your glasses sliding down your nose as you playfully look over them.
He slides his chair back without hesitation, and before you know it, he's in front of you, the bulge in his pants very noticeable. He's enjoying this even more than you thought he would, and it makes you smile.
''For the first part of your punishment, I want you to sit on your knees, and eat this pussy until I tell you to stop, is that clear?'' you ask him, and he nods.
''Words, Baby Boy,'' you order, and he follows with a soft 'yes.'
''Good boy,'' you tell him as you spread your legs for him, and he sinks to his knees, his hands hooking behind your knees to pull you towards the edge of the desk. A soft gasp leaves your lips, and Bucky spreads your legs wider with his shoulders, opening you up for him.
The skirt you're wearing rides up to your hips, and when Bucky finds out you didn't wear panties for this, he lets out a deep groan. At this point, he's straining almost painfully against the confines of his pants, but since you didn't tell him he could touch himself, he hooks both arms around your thighs as he starts to eat you out like a starved man.
''Oh, fuck! Doing so well for me, Baby Boy,'' you praise him, and with that, he increases his pace even more, alternating between licking your clit and fucking your entrance with his tongue to get every last drop of your arousal.
He groans against your pussy with the praise, and you can never get enough of him eating you out like that. Your fingers are threading into his long locks before pulling him even closer, making your moans only louder.
''Use your fingers, Baby, use your fingers to make me cum-''
He doesn't have to be told twice because as soon as he hears the words 'fingers,' he is suckling on your clit, his fingers crooked inside your pussy.
Within no time, you're trembling as your legs are over his shoulders, your hand in his hair pulling him away as you're overstimulated and unable to keep yourself up at this point.
''F-fuck me, Bucky, fuck me until I can't fucking walk straight anymore,'' you tell him as he's worked you through your orgasm, and he's glad he can finally free himself from his pants.
After a few quick strokes, he's pushing himself into you, and you instantly clench down on him from the stimulation he's giving you. Once you've finally relaxed enough to let him in further, he slides in, bottoming out in one thrust.
The moan leaving your body is nearly pornographic, and it has Bucky going crazy, too. After getting adjusted to you and how tight you are around him, he leans forward and captures your lips in a soft, sweet kiss that is the complete opposite of the pace he's fucking you with.
With his metal arm, he rips your bra and shirt into pieces in a single motion, freeing your breasts from their confines and ready for him to play with. At this point, you know he's taken back all control, but you don't care; all you can think about is his cock deep inside you, hitting precisely the right spot.
''Need your fingers, please!'' you tell him, and his metal arm slides between your bodies, finding your clit without a single problem, while his flesh hand plays with your nipples, tugging and squeezing both in an alternating rhythm that only increases your pleasure.
Before you know it, you're falling over the edge of your second orgasm, and Bucky is following closely after, shooting his cum inside your pussy as he bends over and captures your lips in a passionate kiss.
Your arms are wrapped around his neck, and your legs are wrapped around his waist to keep him as close as possible. The two of you stay like that for a little while until Bucky goes soft, and he pulls out, ready to clean you up.
''So, how about that grade?'' he asks you.
''You deserve an A+ after that performance,'' you tell him, and after he's cleaned you up, you try to stand, but to no avail. Your legs give out immediately, and Bucky has done precisely what you asked.
''Here, take my shirt,'' he tells you as he pulls off his Henley before taking off the remaining pieces of your bra and blouse and throwing them in the trash for you. The soft material of the shirt feels warm against your skin, and Bucky lifts your bridal style, ready to take you to your bedroom.
You lay your head against his shoulder with your eyes closed, letting out a content sigh as you let Bucky take care of you. He makes sure all private parts are covered, and despite a few people giving him odd looks, Bucky keeps walking and giving you soft kisses on the crown of your head occasionally.
''I love you, Doll, and thank you for making my fantasy come true. Next time, I'll help you fulfill one of yours,'' he whispers to you before stepping into the elevator, and you fall asleep, getting a much-needed nap.
The elevator arrives at the floor of your bedroom quickly, and when the doors open, Bucky walks past Steve, who instantly turns bright red at the sight of his best friend holding you as you're wearing his shirt.
Steve turns around and quickly rushes into his bedroom to save himself from more embarrassment, though it is unspoken between all three of you that this will never be mentioned to anyone.
It's a good thing you left your bedroom door unlocked - your valuable stuff is always put away safely - and Bucky steps into the large room to put you on your bed without disturbing you.
When he pulls the comforter over you, he is just about to walk away to meet Steve, but you've woken up from the transfer, and you're not engulfed in his warmth anymore.
"Stay?" you ask him in a rough, sleepy voice, and he agrees. Right now, all he cares about is you, and Steve isn't capable of looking either of you in the eye after knowing what you did in that office.
For Bucky, though, this is truly a win-win situation. More time with you and the rest of the day to do whatever he pleases? It's like his dream come true.
#500 follower special#navy and roo's sleepover#bucky barnes#bucky barnes one shot#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes smut
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I'd like to join the kind words dogpile that seems to be happening and thus! I've been following your art stuff for a long time and have always gotten HUGE enjoyment out of it. I've loved every moment of your hanamusa comics from the get-go!
I love that weight gain is shown as a sign not just of health but of HEALING with Jessie's character, something not just to be accepted but actively celebrated. Because she is safer, stabler, better cared for. I love equally that James and Meowth are a part of that, both as Jessie's friends, for her recovery, and for their own separate paths forward. It's all just a wonderful cartoon villain redemption story, right up my alley.
Additionally, within the past year, year and a half range, I've slowly started drawing again. For most of my life I drew for at least a while every single day. I was never not dreaming up stories and there's still nothing I love more than sharing the little worlds inside my head, but things were pretty rough and unstable for my family for a couple of years and its impact on my mental and physical health led to my ceasing to draw almost entirely for those couple of years.
Having the energy and luxury to pursue art again has been a healing step and I'm slowly getting back into a groove of trying to sketch a bit daily. I'm having to relearn a lot of things that used to feel almost as natural as breathing, so it's often as draining and frustrating as it is cathartic and fun.
It's been so long since I did much of anything with my own ideas and stories that I often feel tapped out on creative fuel, but following the hanamusa arc and seeing how much joy other people take in it- and most importantly that you take in it and in sharing it- have helped revive a lot of love and inspiration for my own takes on the Ketchum family and my still intense and deep love of the anime series. My portrayals and such are wildly different from the adventure of hanamusa, but I love them both and have been grateful for the courage and persistence the presence of your art and writing have lent me. So you have my sincere thanks for simply Being, and for sharing of yourself and your ideas!
I know you doubtlessly get a LOT of messages every single day, so I hope you'll not feel a need to reply to this one because there is no need at all. If and when you have a chance to read this, I do hope it brightens your day a bit, like jessie. ash and delia always brighten mine. Be well, and I hope this coming year will be full of positive experiences for you!
aw thank you, i really appreciate it! (and thank you to everyone else who's been sending nice asks)
it makes me happy to hear you've been able to start drawing again! drawing and sharing my art makes me feel so at peace and happy and i only hope it makes anyone else who does art feel the same
best of luck with all your art making endeavors!
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Jealousy
Charles Leclerc x reader
Summary: It's not that easy to date one of the most handsome faces in the world.
Notes: Based on the song Pienso en tu mirá - Rosalia
Jealousy was not in your nature for the simple reason that you had researched too much about it, as well as to understand that this feeling is the first step needed to transform a beautiful relationship into a toxic and inhospitable environment, you had read it in various sources and had reinforced it through the experiences of your friends.
Even so, and although you gave everything of yourself to avoid it, a terrible feeling of fear flooded your being every time Charles walked out the door, fortunately for you the gesture you made to want to hold him a few more moments before leaving, far from seeming invasive she found it adorable.
Once again, Charles left his apartment, this time heading towards the golf course where his brothers, Pierre and Joris were already waiting for him to spend a relaxing afternoon with the boys.
"See you later, chérie", he said goodbye, leaving a small kiss on your lips.
As usual, you joined hands when he kissed you and, as usual, when you had to separate for him to continue on his way, you hesitaded letting him go.
"What's wrong, mon cour?" He said with a little smile.
"About what?" You ask, pretending you don't understand what he meant.
"This", he pointed to your index finger still clinging to the palm of his left hand.
"Nah, it's just silly", you gave him a reassuring smile that didn't serve it's purpose.
"No, it's not silly, it must mean something, and I'm not complaining. I really like feeling your love, but it's something I've been noticing a lot lately and I want you to know that you can tell me anything."
"I don't want you to be late for the boys, you go with them and when you return I'll tell you", trying to distract him you started to play with the rings on his fingers.
He pretended to think about it but he turned around and sat on the sofa making you sit on him, "Don't leave me wondering, Y/N, tell me please", he said now more seriously and the look on his eyes gave you no choice but to speak your mind right away, those gorgeous eyes always did their trick on you.
You let out a breath and whispered "I'm scared, Charles."
Suddenly the smile on his face faded and his place was taken by a frown of concern. "Scared of what, Y/N?"
With your eyes closed, you let out another sigh and then looked directly into his eyes as you placed one of your hands on his heart and the other intertwined with his fingers, "That one of the times you go out you don't come back to me, Charles. I'm afraid of the effect that your angelic appearance causes on others, and don't get me wrong, I don't intend to lock you up by my side forever and I love your independence, it's not that I doubt the love you have for me… it's just that all these feelings are so new to me, I've never experienced them with anyone else."
Your eyes were glossy as you let out those overwhelmed thoughts that rounded on your mind, "I'm jealous, Charles, a kind of jealousy that comes more from envy of everyone and everything, of people who see you from afar even when you walk together me, the water that runs through your body even when we take showers together, the fraction of a second in which a morning craving takes over your mind, everything, Charles. Even if I try to limit myself, I can't help but want to be everything to you , and I'm afraid that maybe this will make you walk away from me forever."
He listened attentively to those thoughts and feelings that torment you and, by the time you completely removed them from your chest, he raised your clasped hands and deposited a series of kisses on your knuckles.
"I understand what you're saying, mon âme", your hopeful gaze looked at him more intensely, "I understand you because I feel that way about you too, it's just that I'm not good enough to put it into words just like you just did, so I thank you for translating my mind and for loving me the same way that I love you… And I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with feeling as intensely as we both do, I know that right now society seeks to balance everything it can to make it more pragmatic, but we are talking about feelings, our feelings. And for me it is important that you know that in our relationship we can be ourselves, we do not have to limit ourselves in any way."
At the end of their confessions, you both had tears running down your cheeks, however, none of you rushed to get rid of them as had happened on previous occasions, since this time those tears would not come from negative feelings but from an excess of love that flooded your hearts. seeing its opportunity to come out in watery form.
"I love you so much Charles Marc Hervé Leclerc".
He poured all his love for you in a breathtaking kiss that made you feel the purest places of his soul.
"I love you so much Y/N".
Thank you so much for reading, any kind of interaction is highly apreciated
#f1 x reader#f1 fluff#f1 x you#f1 imagine#f1 one shot#formula 1 x you#f1 imagines#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc one shot#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#f1 x y/n
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Hi again!
I loved what you did with my ask and I was wondering if I could get something else!
Do you think I could get genshin guys (Childe, Kaeya and Ayato because I always see this happening with them and you can add anyone else you seem fit if you want) with a reader who kinda just shuts off when degraded, as in they just hate being degraded in any way and just breakdown if they get called something like a slut or whore or something? I know I hate being called those things and get kind of cold towards people if they degrade me and it just rubs me the wrong way when I see it in fics so I wanted to see if you would like to take this!
Feel free to ignore this by all means!
And do you think I could be your little flower girl my lovely? You seemed to like the flowers last time so have some more from me💐
Hope you're having a lovely night/day and hope to talk soon! <3
Dkrnktjj I hope you don't think I've ignored this and of course you can be my flower girl! Though I'm not sure if you meant anon wise or not? I do enjoy the flowers though! Thank you and here have one in return 🪻
(P.s: I think the MOST common person who gets written with degrading is Wanderer, so I decided to add him as well for anyone who loves him and not the degrading <3)
─⊰💕𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤💕⊰─
{༻~Cold from your words~༺}
CW: GN! Reader who doesn't like being degraded, slightly suggestive, cursing, slight angst to fluff!
(Includes: Wanderer, Childe, Ayato, and Kaeya!)
𑁍༄Wanderer:
"Wouldn't you like that, slut~"
You'd never fallen out of the mood so quickly...that word making your skin feel like ice. Of all the things he could have said...he choose to refer to you like you where a whore...
"What's wrong? I thought we were-"
"Yeah we were, then you called me a slut...and it bothered me. I'm sure there are people who like that, but I'm not one of them...call me baby, call me love but don't degrade me okay.." You moved away from him and looked at the floor, wondering if hed get upset with you. He was Wanderer after all and he could get a bit rough with his words..
"I..should have asked. I'm sorry, but let's not let it ruin our good time okay? I won't use degrading names again."
Your eyes widened in shock, since when had he been so understanding...and kind? Maybe all this time around other had softened his heart...or maybe you had.
𑁍༄Childe:
"I could make you beg like a little bitch~"
You paused mid kiss and pulled away, feeling your whole body run cold at that word, "I'm not a bitch..."
"Of course you're not really, I just thought it be fun to experiment a little~" He leaned in to kiss you again and you moved away from him, catching him off guard.., "I didn't mean it literally-"
"Then don't say it...I don't mind experimenting, but not with that. I'm not a bitch so don't call me one.." You looked away from him, waiting to hear his response...but instead your felt his arms wrap around you tightly.
"I apologize, truly. I won't call you anything like that again...will you forgive me? Cause I was really enjoying that kiss of yours~"
𑁍༄Ayato:
𑁍༄Kaeya:
"Oh but you've been acting like such a slut all day, how could I forgive that~"
Your smile faded almost instantly when those words left his lips, it didn't matter how attracted you were to him or how good of a kiss you were having, calling you that left you completely numb and awkward. "Ayato...please don't call me that."
He seemed a little taken aback at your response and he moved away from you, hoping to not make you any more uncomfortable then you already word. "My sincerest apologies, I will refrain from calling you that or anything similar in the future. I never wanted to make you feel uneasy. Please, is there any way I can make it up to you?"
"How about...we just eat some dessert instead?"
"Of course, I'll have Thoma fetch us something... again, I truly am sorry. I hope you can forgive me."
"Awe, but you're such a pretty little whore for me~"
"Wait what.." You pushed Kaeya away, suddenly feeling like the flustered moment you were having was all but gone. Mood ruined.. "What did you call me?"
"So sorry. I think I might have let my thoughts get the better of me, I was only trying to-"
"It's okay to try things, but let's talk about it first alright. I don't...I don't like being called a whore..." You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling uncomfortable, even a little upset by the whole thing.
"You're completely right...you know I don't truly think of you that way. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I did."
ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*.✧
#genshin impact#genshin headcanons#genshin#genshin fanfic#genshin x reader#genshin x you#wanderer headcanons#wanderer x you#genshin wanderer#wanderer x reader#childe x reader#childe headcanons#childe x you#genshin childe#ayato headcanons#ayato x you#ayato x reader#ayato genshin impact#kaeya x you#kaeya x reader#genshin kaeya#kaeya headcanons
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Funnily enough, I've never been too big of a Jason Todd fan. Not because I don't like him, he's a great character, but because DC fails over and over again to give him justice and treat him right.
The number of times alone this boy has been beaten by his adoptive father, betrayed, and forgotten are far too many, far too much.
And the constant portrayal of Jason as this volatile, violent, mindless man is tiresome, lazy in all senses of the word and overdone. I understand that Jason was unstable after he left the pit, I mean, who wouldn't? The trauma of his death alone could've sent anyone crazy, but then to experience everything else afterwards, including having to come to terms that Bruce not only did not kill his murder but also replaced him, leaving Jason to grieve what was once his and what he should've gotten, of course he'd be less than okay.
Again, I'm not the biggest Jason Todd fan but I do wish more people would see just how much good Jason has in his heart, how kind and gentle he can be once his walls are down, when he's no longer constantly analyzing your actions and wondering why would you bother talking to him, getting closer to him.
In my opinion, a man who is so gentle with children, who constantly gives second, third, and fourth chances to people who don't deserve it, who despite it all still wants to make a change and protect the city that failed him, couldn't possibly be anything but the most caring partner. Not just partner, no, also brother and friend.
We all know what he did to Tim and Damian, there are reasons, such as his mental instability at the time and rage, and though those are not excuses, I believe Jason would still drop everything to go save his family. He might complain, he might brood, but family is something important to him even when just looking at them hurts him. He lost his loving mother, stepmother, far too early and it's not hard to imagine that even with all the pain and grief inside his torn heart, the little boy inside Jason still craves the warmth of a family.
Just look at the way he treats his friends, at the way he helps them through situations no one else would, how caring and attentive he is. Jason is gentle, sure, he is rough and mean and he's got blood on his hands, but Jason is made of love.
Jason was made to be loved.
So I think, whether platonic or romantically, Jason would treat you so well. He'd scold you for not wearing warm clothes during winter, "We're in Gotham, you fucking moron, you wanna freeze to death?", all while wrapping you with his jacket or scarf. He'd make sure you're eating at least something every day, and if not, he would immediately put you under his arm, maybe over his shoulder, and take you to the nearest food chain he could find, "I don't want to hear you complaining about headaches when all you had today was a cup of coffee and gum.".
Lord, he'd be torn between freaking out and being extremely annoyed that you got hurt, be it at work, a fight, or just out of clumsiness. But no matter what, his hands would always be so, so gentle when touching you. The tip of his fingers brushing under the injury, as light as a breeze, his other hand holding the back of your neck, or your bicep, perhaps even your hand just to make sure you're there, with him.
Jason would both hush you gently, "I know, sweetheart, we're almost done.", and also tease because he's a little shit at heart, "If you had a little more awareness than a ten year old this wouldn't have happened, idiot."
And physical touches? Oh, love, Jason is a sucker for intimacy.
I know for a fact he wouldn't be comfortable for a long time with anyone in his personal space due to the torture he went through. The trauma would make his skin crawl any time someone got too close or brushed past him, he'd hate it so much because it makes him weak but also because he can't let anyone try to hug him without feeling sick to his stomach.
And with you it's no different. It would take a long time, a lot of trust being built up, conflict and confessions, maybe he'd even open up to you with his head on your lap as you brushed his hair softly, a big, big step for him after years of not letting anyone close. He'd tell you about the Joker, about having hope in Bruce, about his biological mother. And he'd feel vulnerable like a child when you wipe his tears gently without a word.
Once he starts craving your touch, though, regardless if you two have a platonic or romantic relationship, Jason is putty in your hands. Forehead kisses when you part ways, cuddling on the couch while he reads and you're on your phone, thighs touching when sitting close, even a little bit of hand holding when he's stressed and needs to play with your fingers.
He's like a big cat that's constantly making his way onto your chest, stealing your breath and making biscuits on your skin, making sure you're giving him sufficient pats every day.
It's a little part of him that he's barely able to properly allow space for. There's still so much hurt in Jason, so much confusion and desperation, hatred and upset, that he'd probably still close off sometimes, try acting tough so you'd see how fucked up he is, how he's not truly worth of your love.
And yet.
And yet all it'd take for him to go soft and pliant in your hands would be a single touch, cupping his cheeks, brushing his skin softly with your thumbs, right under his pretty emerald eyes, making sure his gaze is on you and only you. Just like that, he'd slump his shoulders and bring you into his arms, breathing a sigh of relief and squeezing you close, your heartbeats synching.
He wouldn't remember when he started feeling safest in your arms but it'd feel like it was since forever. Like there was no one else but you.
Jason was made to be loved, though he is a little broken and a little tainted, lost like a child and hateful like a sinner, your love might just be his salvation, something he's greedy for, selfish for, even when he's so hesitant of somehow hurting you.
#jason todd#red hood#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#red hood x you#red hood x reader#gender neutral reader#my ode to jason todd because my best friend is obsessed with him
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A kiss may ruin a human life.
Oscar Wilde
-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4
wc: 2,1k
warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,
i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!
a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!
no use of y/n!
He was distant.
He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that he could damn well say to a stranger.
You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...
Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think he could be rude even if he wanted to, not with someone he was close to at least, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?
...
It started off just as every other day started, new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.
The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night.
He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but, twice, like that, was terrifying.
Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.
Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to black out he laid out and hoped the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. That never happened.
He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind, if you were moving it meant you were still alive, and it blurred the agonizing sound of your breath.
Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gun shots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.
He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, far enough from his child to hear if he called but not close enough to hear his breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.
Now, three days into the case he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness, thankfully, not what he wanted but close to it, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.
He held himself back from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let 2 minutes pass by, anxiously, getting up quickly to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back, it took more time than he'd like but finally he was now in bed and drifting off quicker than expected.
...
"Emily..." you whimpered.
"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "He's probably just going through something, i heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack were having some trouble with school, it might be that, right?"
"Yeah, but i feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confused feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "i feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and barely looks me in the eye when we're alone."
Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.
"Listen, you know i love you and support anything you decide to do, but..." oh god "You should talk to him, not me."
"I came to you exactly because i don't want to talk to him, even if i tried i don't think he would answer" You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage.
"There's only one way to find out, honey."
After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.
Had you really just opened a random door? Fuck!
Until, in your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out if it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Relieved, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.
It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.
Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.
Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He also searched for his phone to see the time, check how long it took for you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.
In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric against fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.
It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know every soap or perfume you owned smelled the same, peaches.
It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume but, he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you.
He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.
"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.
Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the opening door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, you idiot.
You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket felt like it kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of your mind telling you how uncomfortable Aaron must be to have you around that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you, you must be pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here-
"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him.
"Uh- yeah, sorry to wake you up." wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.
The sound of his body turning and his voice that seemed to be right beside your ear made you shiver.
"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?"
It's now or never.
"Have you- you have been avoiding me." you could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?.
"No i haven't." that came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.
"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you will never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If i did something to upset you, please tell me because, i can profile you but i cannot read your mind yet, and i can't apologize if i don't know what i did wrong."
"I-" gosh you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry i made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." he said in a weirdly soft voice.
"That- that doesn't make me feel better..."
"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." well, if you were talking than he should too. "It's you."
A couple seconds passed but they felt like minutes.
Your heart dropped, "What?" it couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseating.
"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headrest, his hand has making a gesture that you read as a calm down, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.
"Not you, i meant... ah fuck, it's complicated."
Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, for once end what made you anxious, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with Aaron.
Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him and the memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley-
"Then tell me, unless you have something to do at 2am i think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." your voice was steady, no longer the panicked and embarrassed girl who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a woman who took down seral killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.
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The cost of betraying one's self
For the last three years, I've felt like I had to relearn who I was, relearn lessons that were imbued upon me from childhood (through self-reflection as an adult), I've had to relearn societal rules (through awkwardly fubbling through social interactions), and whether I even want to abide by these social rules or not. More and more, I start understanding my past self and accepting her after years of rejecting and being embarrassed of her, as I come back into myself. But I feel like I began navigating this rebirth in the wrong manner.
I approached it in a manner in which I believed there were objectively a right and wrong way of doing "life", in part due to having befriended certain people that thought that who I was, how I thought and how I sought to navigate the world were wrong because it did not make sense to them, but also by accepting and internalising their critiques instead of recognising them as very strong subjective opinions. While I could be very stubborn, I also had a porous mind. I feel like it is in my nature to be attracted to anyone who wants to bestow me with any new knowledge or different perspectives that I can mull over, being a mrigashira native. The only issue was that instead of giving me new perspectives, they belittled and ridiculed my thought processes. And I knew that they were opinions to begin with, but the more I recognised that the world around me agreed with them, the more I started to question whether how I perceived the world around me was "correct".
I watched a video by Claire Nakti that spoke about people copying you/stealing your destiny, and she gave an analogy that went along the lines of, "when you decide to take in information that someone else has discovered, instead of eating the fruits of knowledge that they consumed, you end up eating the excrement of the people who ate the fruit" (I said it in a far my crass manner but you get the gist of what I'm saying). Not only do you not take in the full knowledge or wisdom, but you will also often misinterpret what you are hearing and seeing, and subsequently impose these incorrectly understood lessons and ideas onto your life, and potentially others, because you have not made sense of these lessons from your own point of view, nor attained the wisdom, through experience, attached to these lessons. But not only that, you end up not living out your own destiny by attempting to steal another's. This is probably why incredibly wise people are usually portrayed as very old in media. Someone that has lived that long has had many many experiences but also the time to learn and wisen due to them.
I'm not going to speak on this too much because ultimately, you could always just go watch Claire's video for more information on Ketu and Rahu, and it's relation to making sense of the world with the knowledge you came into the world with, and also your own acquired wisdom that one gains as you navigate the world. Going back to my own personal story, I will not say whether my friends interpretations of the world were "correct" or "incorrect", or whether now that I'm in a different state of mind, I agree with them. What I will speak on is the danger of betraying oneself in the pursuit of really anything. For me, it was the pursuit of social acceptance and assimilation into spaces that may not have been for me and in spaces, that I myself may not have wanted to be in, if I were being honest with myself.
We all likely have friendships in which we have much in common with our friends, and also differ in many ways from. I've always wonder why I had friendship groups in which we differed in many ways, and this always fascinated me, and I could never make sense as to why our friendships worked. Maybe I enjoyed these friendships because they always had people with differing ideas to that of my own that made me really "think" and question my own view points, that's these friendships were stimulating, as I am a person that loves to question. My friendship with these two particular friends hinged on a shared love of similar music and interests as most friendships do but differed in how we perceived the world greatly. Instead of agreeing to disagree, my friends sought to change my perspective through belittling, triangulation, and bullying. I recognised that I wasn't happy in the friendship, but I stayed in that relationship, longer than I should have, due to fear of being alone. COVID came around, and I thought I would spend the year 2020 "fixing" myself, as many other people sought to do. I threw myself into a ton of psychology content so I could psycho-analyse myself and effectively learn where I needed to improve in myself and my approach to my interpersonal relationships. What made the whole process near impossible, is that I was dealing with a severe case of moral perfectionism, in which I thought that the times in my past in which I had caused harm to people, were like blemishes on my being that I could never get rid of, like they would haunt me for my entire life, and would never be able to separate myself from having been that person. You can't move on from past versions of yourself if you think you'll always be tethered to them. Also, trying to take in all this knowledge, that didn't resonate with me at the time, was also incredibly overwhelming, but also useless, and I could never incorporate what I learnt effectively into my life, because it did not come naturally to me. I honestly blame myself for having bought into the ideas surrounding cancel culture, because if you're not willing to forgive and allow someone to move on with their lives after having made past mistakes, how can you do that for yourself?
I also really got into astrology, so I could learn how to read my birth chart with the sole purpose of understanding what my flaws and shortcomings were in this lifetime so I could correct them. I had spent a great deal of my adolescence being bullied by age-mates and even past friends and I think these experiences also informed this idea that there had to be something fundamentally wrong with me to have experienced all of it, and that if I could dig into myself and expel it from my being, I could subsequently be treated better by the world.
Slight sedgeway from the video, but I want to say that once, I was speaking to my mom, and I asked her if I should change my approach on a specific situation I was experiencing, and she told me not to allow people to change who I am, meaning don't allow other people's behaviour towards you change who you are, and how you would react to a situation. By allowing someone to influence your behaviour, or "matching their energy", you're giving someone else power over yourself, and how you would actually react to a situation if you were being your authentic self, which could be a big price to pay for simply wanting to stroke your ego. Also, when you have to answer for your behaviour or words, you'd feel a lot more confident in your past actions by actually believing in what you've done and said, instead of it coming from a place of fear, in some cases, or ego.
So, getting back to trying "to fix" myself; in trying to do so, I think I experienced the actual death of my mind and soul. I should mention that I have always had a habit of ridding myself of the past to make way for who I want to be in the present (I'm not sure if this is due in part to my heavy pluto influence in my chart), example, I always liked getting rid of old art because I had discovered a different art style. And so my nature of always wanting to start completely anew or on a clean slate had ultimately bit me in the ass, because in my bid to "fix myself", I found that I had rid myself of everything about my being; my personality, my opinions, my temperaments, the things I cared about, the things that drive me.
I really didn't know who I was or what I believed in. I had no idea what kind of person I was even trying to work towards being because I sought to destroy the foundations, that I had taken years, leaving me with no real basis to start with but also leaving me an empty shell or husk.
I spent a year and a half in a state of derealisation and depersonalisation. I existed in a state of limbo. When you experience depersonalisation and derealisation, it's like being underwater. You can't process information as well. I honestly don't know how I got through my third year in that state. You're never really present, and even when you perceive things going on around you, you sense these things, but sometimes you don't really process them in your mind. It's like the saying, "going through one ear and out the other." I think it's relevant to mention that I had no hobbies and I found that I struggled listening to new music, in fact I found myself wanting to listen to music that my dad would play when we were children, almost as a form of comfort, but also (and this ties back to the whole premise of this post) as if I had regressed to being a child again. When I came out of that state, I found that I had to relearn a lot of things, that I most likely knew before but just couldn't remember, almost like I was starting over again, from the beginning.
And by the way, this is not a sob story. I knowingly betrayed myself by being in a relationship with people who I knew did not truly like or accept me for who I was but I unknowingly betrayed my soul by completely destroying the growth that I had made up until I would said my 19th year. And why I mentioned Claire Nakti's video earlier is because ultimately, what I would like you take away from this message, is that on the one side, there is a lot to learn from others, but in your pursuit of knowledge, make sure that even when you seek to learn from others, that their messages resonate with you, so as not to be led astray. Also, become comfortable with walking the path less travelled, especially when it resonates with you. I was so set on being accepted that I completely neglected the voice that told me that the ideas being imposed onto me didn't resonate with me, that I didn't actually like the people I desperately wanted to approve of me, that who they were was not who I wanted to be, nor wanted to be associated with anyway. Essentially, if you've ever been through what I've been through, my advice to all of us, actually really for anyone, is to worry less about whether you're getting it "right", and to worry more about whether it feels right to you.
Subsequently, making this discovery also made me wonder how I would raise my children, like would I act as a guide or assistant. Growing up, my parents furiously imposed their beliefs onto us as children, which I subsequently rejected, not only because it didn't make sense to me at the time, but also because I needed to gain my own understanding to really develop these beliefs for myself. And so the way I think I'll go about parenting my children, is to gently advice them, so they would be more accepting of the advice but also try to ensure that I'm giving them these lessons in a manner that they can understand and make sense of for themselves, and not be frustrated when they decide to make decisions that go against my advice because ultimately, people learn better from experience than being told what to do, especially children. Life isn't a test, it's an experience, you're allowed to fuck up, you're allowed to become a different person overnight, don't rush the process, because ultimately, the destination will be there when you finally get there.
It almost feels like I am having a similar experience to Bella Baxter from 'Poor Things', in the sense of discovering the world, one' s self, how the world reacts to me and how I subsequently react to the world, anew. The only difference being that I had a detailed understanding of my past self, that made my relearning of myself and the world staggered, as I desperately attempted to cling onto who I once was, once I realised that I had completely destroyed the version of myself that I loved and respected. In pursuit of social acceptance and really, self-acceptance, I had completely forgotten how much had gone into me being who I was and how hard I had worked to become that person. Bella Baxter had the advantage of not having any reference for who she was "meant" to be. The friends she met on the boat and in France liked her for her uniqueness. It makes me very cognisant of the saying, "When you attempt to be like someone else, you're robbing the world of yourself." It's very true. So, while I would never advocate for complete isolation, I would say, try to process things on your own, without outside opinions or potential influences.
#claire nakti#poor things#vedic astrology#vedic astro notes#astrology observations#astro observations#vedic astro observations#vedic chart#nakshatras#astrology readings#astro posts#astrology community#astro community#astro notes#astro placements#astrology#spirituality#jyeshta#mrigashira#shatabhisha#pluto aspects#lilith aspects#astrology aspects
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I know you’ve gotten asks already talking about how happy they are that you’re going more in depth on the subject of Vox being trans in your next installment, but I can’t help myself… I’m so excited that you’re writing about that. It can be difficult to find trans rep in fandom spaces sometimes and your stories are so well written that this is like a gift from god. SO ANYWAY I’m super happy and your works are amazing and I just hope you know how many people value your works for all that they give.
Secondly, I was wondering whether or not Vox would have been trans on earth or just in hell? I mean I’m sure it would be difficult considering the time period but I also couldn’t think of a reason why he would be cis on earth but trans in hell. UNLESS he realized he was trans in hell/was finally able to do something about it?? Anyway, all of this is just speculation, I am only curious!!
Regardless, great work. It genuinely means a lot to me, if no one else :)
Oh, man, I'm ngl, one of my little, "Wait! I can do anything I want!!!!" moments of going mad with power once I got more and more experience at writing was realizing that I could just trans anyone's gender at-will and I didn't need anyone's permission for that. I still remember the first time I quietly decided an OC of mine was trans (love you, Laledy, you obnoxious asshole). I'm always a little apprehensive to start writing trans characters in new fandoms, mostly because I've been in a number of fandoms that have corners that get very tetchy about their weird gender role stuff, but it's consistently been met with such a positive reaction that it really brings me joy. So thank you so very, very much!!
My personal take on Vox in 666 specifically (a lot of which isn't going to come up because he does not want to get into it) is that he wasn't personally really in a position or environment conducive to considering trans-ness as, like, a thing that happens when he was alive, and he put his all into putting on The Correct Gender Performance with the vim and aplomb that we see from him in canon, plus all the underlying bullshit that goes into maintaining that facade. So, y'know. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, minus the Jewish. Which did not do amazing things for his mental health, not that he let himself pay attention to that at the time!
And then he wakes up, in hell, with this weird-ass demon body with a television for a head, and - well, it just makes sense to present as a man at that point, doesn't it? Hell is dog-eat-dog, and he's not going to pick the submissive gender to put himself on the back foot from the start!
He figures out what the fuck being trans even is eventually, just. Not for a while, and not until after someone like Valentino, having known and assumed that Vox is trans as a given for fucking months, mentions it offhandedly to Vox, who had been mentally describing himself as "just lying about his sex like those girls in stories that get shit done by dressing up as men". Then he gets to have his own little spiral about it, and also why it's upsetting him, and why he felt so vulnerable about Valentino knowing, and why Valentino specifically, Mr. Fishnets, Heels, and Microminis, is the one that ended up in a position not only to know this about Vox but for Vox to feel comfortable having any kind of sex with. It wasn't something Vox had to analyze back when it was just "her" freaky boyfriend being into pegging!
Okay, fuck, I have even more feelings about trans Vox than I thought I did, hahahaha.
Might fuck around and write a staticmoth-centric prequel interlude at some point if I have the brain cells for it. Vox is a lot more confident and comfortable with his gender now, to the point where he can absolutely see fucking around in a dress for kinky reasons as crossdressing and not being forced back into a box that doesn't fit, but it'd be neat to explore the earlier days. Val isn't here for gender, he's here to be sexy, but Vox... this IS the origin of the daddy kink, just saying.
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All Smiles (Lucas Hood x Reader)
430 words | domestic fluff, ngl i've never watched banshee but i have a mild grasp on the character and i wanted to write something cute about him | Fic Directory
for @jethrowest and @homeb0ys who make sure i will never know peace by sending the thirstiest of antony starr content in the group chat <3 i love you both
He’s obsessed with you. If you only knew…
If you only knew what it did to him to simply see you. To have you there, bright like sunshine, illuminating his life. The warmth of your light makes him forget. The pain falls away, the guilt, the sorrow, the regret– everything that ever hurt.
He wonders if you even mean to be like that. With every smile, every hug, every glint in your eye that tells him how the whole of your heart belongs to him.
Wasn’t something he ever thought he’d have. Not from anyone, really. Too many… bad experiences. Too many losses. Heartbreaks and aches.
He’s sworn on everything he’ll keep you safe. Even from himself.
He catches you doing something so… simple. He wasn’t supposed to be home, and you? You thought you were being sneaky.
“Lucas!” You squeal as he sweeps you off your feet. You've given that stolen name more meaning than it ever should've had.
You’ve always complained that he doesn’t take care of himself. Not only that, but it’s hard for him to let you take care of him. He doesn’t know how to accept it. He’s had to be strong for his entire life and now? He doesn’t know how to let someone else shoulder his burdens. Not even the stupid, silly things.
And here you were, caught red handed, replacing his old threadbare underwear with new ones. He kicks through the torn up packaging as he spins you around, arms wrapped tight around your waist as he playfully hauls you away from your sneaky good deed.
He’s not mad– of course not. Why would he ever be upset about you taking care of him?
But he does toss you onto the bed and kisses you senseless.
And there it is again. That urge to all but crawl into your skin and hide away in his home– in you. The littlest things make him feel this way. A cooked meal. The sight of you coming in through the front door. Waking up beside you. Hell, even grocery shopping with you…
Every reminder of the life you’ve built, of the world that you two have made not just with each other, but for each other as well. The peace, the quiet, the love.
All of the little things…
He settles on top of you and gazes down with such warmth in his heart that it feels fit to burst. He doesn’t even realize that he’s being a little odd, staring without saying a word, until you huff a laugh and press a kiss to the tip of his nose.
He’s all smiles.
He always will be with you.
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HOME
Leon S. Kennedy X Reader
TW : Blood, Gore & Near death experience
Contains : Hurt/Comfort
You laid there in the snow, as you wondered if life was worth living. Your vision blurry as your eyelids threatened to close any second. You clutched your stomach hoping that it will stop the blood from flowing out but it was just wishful thinking. The white surface was splattered with blood, it was a bloody massacre. Looking around as your eyes scanned the area searching for a radio, hoping that maybe he will answer it or that maybe he's coming to rescue you.
The radio laid near a body of an dead zombie whom you had eliminated during the fight that broke out. You groaned as you tried your best to crawl towards that radio. Your blood staining the pure snow as it dripped from your wound. Your eyes watered from the pain as you crawled. As soon as you reached that radio you grabbed it and rested your back against the abandoned truck. No signal, oh you were so gonna die. At this point, death felt inevitable.
Everything felt hot, it made you feel like taking off your clothes but you knew better than to do that and let hypothermia terminate you. A static came on the radio, lighting a glimmer of hope inside you as you picked it up and brought it closer to your mouth.
"This is-" You immediately started speaking.
"(Name)! Is that you? Where the fuck have you been? I'm searching all over for you" Leon. It was his voice. Oh you felt so much better after listening to his voice that your eyes started tearing up and you felt like a child who wanted to scream for someone to help her.
"Leon.. I lost my way and had to face several undead and bio weapons." You gulp continuing as he listens quietly "I got stabbed during the fight, I am unable to move" You choked while saying that as you didn't want him to worry.
"What do you see around yourself?" Leon asked. You knew he was coming to save you. You could onlu pray that he makes it in time.
"I see an abandoned truck, covered with snow and alot of bloody dead bodies" your speech getting heavy and low as it was getting hard for you to breathe. You could see the fog erupting from your mouth as you spoke into the radio.
"Alright. Keep talking to me. I'm heading towards you" Leon spoke calmly. He tried his best to keep calm and not to do anything irrational. He didn't want to scare you nor he wanted to think that you're at death's door.
"I'll try" your voice very low and fragile.
"(Name)" you could tell he was running from the way he was speaking.
"Yes...Leon" you softly spoke as your eyes started getting heavy and your heartbeat slowing. You wanted to sleep so bad...
"Remember you asked me if I ever thought of marriage?"
"I do, I do remember Leon. Why.. are you asking me that?" His sentence peaked your interest as you furrowed your eyebrows. You were curious about where he was getting at and you wanted to stay awake to hear him speak. You wanted to hear him.
"I've always thought marraige was not for me, I always thought I did not deserve love but then you came. I know it sounds cheesy but bear with me (name) I Love you and if there's anyone I want to marry its you. It want it to be you and no one else" He confessed. You would be lying if you were to say that it did not make your heart skip a beat or two.
"Is that a proposal, Leon?" You chuckled but it ended in a fits of cough as you tried to breathe properly.
"I'm sorry it can't be at somewhere special or romantic.... I think I see you. Stay there I'm coming" You saw him running towards you as you smiled softly. Maybe this wasn't a bad way to die.
"Hey" He squatted down and immediately wrapped a jacket around you to keep you warm.
"Leon.. its so good to see you" Your face pale as all the life from it had gone and now you looked almost as good as dead.
"Good to see you too, (name)" He brushed your face hair aside as he kissed your forehead softly, letting his lips linger for a bit to let you know that he's here.
"You could have just went with your team, Leon"
"And leave you here? Fuck no. You're coming home with me" Leon snuck his arms under your knee and behind your back as he picked you up. You felt so safe and you knew now that you were gonna make it safe and alive.
"Home. I like the sound of that" you leaned your head against his chest as you took in the warmth his body radiated. You could live in his arms forever.
"Our home" He muttered under his breathe. You somehow managed to smile a little at that but it was getting hard to keep up.
"Stay with me (name) don't close your eyes. Keep talking to me" Leon softly said. He was starting to panick a little but with you in his arms, he was willing to stay calm just for you. You were determined to stay alive. You wanted to stay alive just for him.
"Don't you think it's getting a little too hard on you?" You chuckled
"I don't care how hard it gets as long as I still have you" Leon smiled softly as he looked into your eyes. And suddenly loving him didn't feel like a feeling at all, it felt like walking into a home.
Sorry guys I was busy saving a world from apes and then I got teleported to another universe where I had to save people from turning into zombies 😞 (this is satire please 😭)
#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy#resident evil x reader#leon x reader#fanfiction#re x reader#re2 leon#re4 leon#re2#re4 remake#re6#re6 leon#leon kennedy fanfic#fanfic#i am hopelessly in love#i love him#so much love
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chapter 136 thoughts
before i get into the sad stuff i need to say that ai eating ice cream with her head empty no thoughts expression blasted ten hundred million billion tons of dopamine directly into my brain. thank you.
This chapter is interesting for a lot of reasons but I will say up front that I'm really glad the story is taking the time to humanize Nino and to flesh out the absolute mess that are her feelings towards Ai. I was really excited when she entered the story because I had always wanted to know more about the 45510 narrator (which this chapter basically unambiguously confirms even more strongly than before — we get the 45510 drop again!) but I was worried after meeting the real Nino that she would be painted as a black and white villain. Through Kana's empathy for her and the movie's portrayal of her though, we get to see her as just a normal person.
Because like… I'm gonna be honest, I feel so deeply sorry for Nino! Like, Jesus Christ, don't forget that she was anywhere between twelve and sixteen when all this was happening. She was just a kid being brainpoisoned by the entertainment industry and held to impossible standards. She had no power and the few things she felt she had any control over were being ripped out of her grasp. Is it any wonder she reached a breaking point?
Not just that but… man, B-Komachi gen 1 just seemed like it was an utterly dogshit experience for everybody but especially anyone who wasn't Ai. Both Nino and Kyun have said it explicitly: they did not feel like valued members of the group. Saitou pushed and favoured Ai to the extent that everyone else in B-Komachi felt like backup dancers who were just there to make Ai shine brighter. We see this pattern repeated in B-Komachi gen 2, as well! I've already talked about how in a very real sense, the group only exists for Ruby's sake and Kana and Memcho really are just there as her accessories but Miyako herself is favouring and pushing Ruby for work to the extent that even Ichigo points out that she needs to give the other girls more jobs. No wonder Kana empathizes with Nino so deeply.
Something else really interesting about this chapter is getting to see what dealing with Ai is like from someone else's POV. Understand that I'm saying this as the Internet's Foremost Ai Wife Guy but oh my god!!! I think this is the first time we've gotten a really good understanding for how deeply, deeply frustrating Ai really must have been to deal with as a person only allowed to see the perfect 'Ai of B-Komachi' mask. Nino is all but breaking down in front of someone she considers a friend, begging her for the slightest bit of honesty and authenticity, for Ai to just show that she cares about Nino in the least… and Ai just gives her a bunch of blithe, noncommittal answers. Even knowing Ai as well as I do, I could almost feel a ghost of Nino's desperation and frustration pass over me as I read that exchange.
With that in mind, Nino's outburst at the end of the scene here doesn't feel like pure nastiness - it feels like desperation. It feels like her lashing out with the worst possible thing she can think to say because if she hurts Ai, if Ai actually shows that Nino's words reach her at all, if Ai's human enough for Nino to hurt then…
But, well. We already know how this all turned out. Even so, like Kana said… Ai's smile is suffocating.
Speaking of Kana, this was a damn good chapter for her. A lot of people seem to have interpreted her as getting 'lost' in the role of Nino but going by this chapter's portrayal, Kana seems to have a much healthier distance from her than Ruby does to Ai right now (BUT WE'LL GET TO THAT….), being literally portrayed as viewing the scene as if from a distance. I do think her empathizing with Nino is allowing her to examine and get out some of the hurt and resentment that's been bubbling away since Black Hoshigan Ruby but things are being so infinitely more complicated by everything else going on around this split.
Speaking of which… whoooooooof, Ruby. Her levelling up her understanding of Ai was uh, not quite as good for her as I'd previously thought. It's important to note that this is pretty clearly Ruby's feelings that she is projecting onto Ai: in 45510, Ai herself explicitly says that she never hated the B-Komachi girls and Ruby blurting this out here feels like a very pointed contrast to that. It's pretty clear to me that we're coming back around to something established during the preproduction phase: that this material is quite literally triggering for Ruby and it's damaging for her to be engaging with it.
… which is why it's so, so scummy for Gotanda to be pushing this. I'm holding back on really going into what I'm thinking of Gotanda right now because I want to see if/how the manga addresses this but I'll just say that I'm coming away from this part of the story feeling much more sour about him than I think I'm intended to. It's possible that this is just because I'm fresh off hearing Jeanette McCurdy's horrific account of how damaging this kind of acting was to her as a child but… I find it really hard to like and get behind a director who is purposely letting his actors endure intense psychological suffering for the sake of His Vision lol
After all, like… for all that he talks about wanting to film 'the true Ai', this Ruby freakout is not that! That's Ruby, snapping under the strain of the pressure put on her. Even if you want to argue Ai felt similar strain… is her restraint and her grace and patience in not giving out under it not also 'real'? Why does authenticity necessitate turning Ai's ugly feelings into a spectacle? Why does Gotanda think he has the right to make calls on what is 'authentic' here?
I'd say "who died and made him king" but that's the point, isn't it? Ai died. She's not here anymore to make calls about her identity and the people who are here and who are in a position to do so aren't actually doing it with care and consideration or proper respect for her memory. This movie has been touched by so many people who have their own agendas, who did not know anything about Ai and quite frankly have no right to be making calls about who she really was and what she really felt. 15 Year Lie is an utterly ghoulish production and nobody is coming out of it clean.
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