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catofadifferentcolor · 1 month

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Terrible Fic Idea #88: Percy Jackson, but make it Ptolemaic

Since I inexplicably seem to have fallen back into the PJO fandom, my plan for this terrible fic idea was to expound upon the fluff hinted at in #87... but once again got derailed as my mind dredged up a fic idea I'd long ago discarded as being too terrible.

Or: What if, instead of hating his demigod half-sibling at first sight, Triton fell in love with them instead?

Just imagine it:

Everything happens according to canon, with two exceptions: 1) Sally Jackson gives birth to a daughter, who she names Andromeda; and 2) Zeus' lightening bolt is not stolen until the summer Andy is set to turn 15, which means she never faces a Fury while on a field trip to a museum, which means Grover and Chiron never realize she's a demigod who needs to be taken to camp.

Because of this, Sally is not able to get rid of Smelly Gabe with Medusa's head the summer Andy would turn 13. In fact, she's forced to double down on the relationship, thinking his scent is the only thing keep her little girl safe-

-which Sally very much comes to regret the year Andy turns 14, when puberty starts turning her from an awkward, coltish child into someone who will clearly become a beautiful woman. The looks Gabe starts sending her daughter's way during Thanksgiving Break are enough for Sally to start drawing up divorce paperwork, but these things take time and Andy is forced to spend Winter Break mostly alone in Gabe's apartment with Sally working double shifts to make ends meet.

The first time Gabe makes a pass at Andy, every single pipe in the apartment bursts - and when he comes at her a few minutes later, thinking it was her idea of a prank, the water seems to trip Gabe and hold him down until he drowns in the three inches of water on their kitchen floor.

Naturally, Andy is freaked out in every possible way by the time Sally makes it home. Sally is equally worried, with a double dose of guilt for bringing someone who'd try to assault her daughter into their home and not getting rid of him sooner once she realized what he was capable of. She realizes that she has no choice but to take Andy to CHB.

Camp Half-Blood is a little different than the books - more small polis than summer camp, with each of the major gods having their own compound within the camp where their children and those of related gods reside. (i.e., the children of various water nymph and water deities, along with a handful of water nymphs themselves, have a compound on the waterfront, which would be headed by the oldest child of Poseidon, if there was one).

Andy is immediately assumed to be the child of a river god because of what happened with the pipes - likely Asopus, who has a history of intervening on behalf of his daughters - and not a particularly powerful one, otherwise she'd have been identified long before her 14th birthday when Chiron taught at her school. The thought of her being a child of the Big Three never enters anyone's mind.

And so Andy, slightly more traumatized with slightly lower self-esteem, finds herself living at camp full time, believing herself to be the daughter of an undetermined minor water deity.

Enter Triton.

He doesn't set out to fall in love with a mortal. In fact, Triton's first instinct when he hears the gossip about Andy is one of irritation at his father for being a little too interested in the affairs of a pretty demigod. He decides to check out the situation and see if it can't be headed off at the pass.

Triton first sees Andy alone one the beach in the moonlight and immediately understands why any number of beings would risk her presumed father's wrath to gain a sliver of her attention. He finds himself drawn to her, coming back night for a week until he finally works up the nerve to approach her - and rather than run away, Andy invites him to join her wave watching.

Their friendship begins slowly - Andy is somewhat leery of men after her experience with Gabe, but a male water spirit seems safer to be around than some of the older campers - but grows startlingly quickly, especially after Triton starts teaching her how to protect herself with both her powers and the trident she found in the armory. By the time June rolls around, Andy can safely call Triton the best friend she's ever had.

But then the situation with Zeus' bolt heats up. Andy is claimed, sent on a quest, and prevents a war. And somewhere along the way she learns the water spirit that's been flirting with her - who gifted her a necklace with his own symbol, to protect her if anyone tried to repeat Gabe's actions - is her half-brother.

Being mortal and having mortal morals, Andy naturally finds this uncomfortable. But the problem is Triton is really has become her dearest friend and probably the only guy she feels comfortable enough around to even consider dating. Triton, being a god, doesn't have nearly the number of hangups Andy has with the revelation - though he is rather peeved with his father for breaking his oath and potentially dooming them all.

This situation goes on for a while.

Meanwhile, we speed run through the next few quests, with SoM, TTC, and BotL all happening in the nine months immediately following Andy's 15th birthday. Only instead of being sent to Ogygia after blowing up Mount St. Helens, Andy lands at Triton's summer home in the Mariana Islands and things between them come to a head. Dealer's choice on the details, Andy eventually decides her feelings for Triton will never change, so she might as well be happy with him rather than hurt them both apart.

And so Andy and her immortal half-brother start dating on the DL.

TLO happens as per canon, the only difference being that Nico - Andy's adoptive baby brother - not Annabeth is her tie to mortality. Despite her new relationship with Triton, Andy still refuses godhood to ensure demigods are recognized by their parents.

It's not until Juno kidnaps Andy that Olympus and CHB learn of her relationship with Triton. The campers naturally find this uncomfortable, and it taints the perceptions Piper, Jason, and Leo have of her when they arrive.

(Poseidon is actually quite pleased by the news, and it should be suggested he waited as long to claim Andy as he did because he knew of Triton's visits to her and didn't want to scare her off something that could make both his children so happy.)

SoN follows canon, although the conch necklace Andy arrives wearing lead most to think her a granddaughter of Neptune rather than an actual daughter, though her treatment is the same regardless. This should lead to all the awkwardness when Andy regains her memories and admits to Frank and Hazel that Triton isn't her father, as they assumed, but her lover.

Andy begins her ascent to godhood in Tartarus when she takes control of Akhlys' poison. In her halfway state she's able to defeat Polybotes on her own, which propels her to full godhood. Her domains leave her something of the aquatic equivalent of Pan, with her ability over poison coming from her ability to clean polluted waters.

CHB and CJ are never quite sure what to make of Andromeda, the ascended goddess that each knew for a time. Though a superb fighter, she never really fit into either camp - a little too withdrawn because of her traumas for CHB, too untamable for CJ. She's respected, but not beloved as she might have been had she started camp earlier. In the end, her story becomes warning about the dangers of catching the eye of a god, as revisionist as that history is.

Bonuses include:

For all Andy loves her mother, her relationship with Sally never quite recovers after Gabe's attempted assault. For all she understands her mother's reasoning in marrying him, she never can quite forgive her for bringing such a monster into their lives. Though she honestly, truly tries, Andy never feels safe enough around mortal men to return home during the school year or form a real relationship with her new stepfather, Paul. She leaves the mortal world behind long before attaining godhood, preferring monsters she can recognize and kill to mortals.

Andy always being considered the odd one out at camp for forming closer relationships with nature spirits than other campers. Her relationship with Annabeth is never as close as in the books - more Gilmore Girls Paris and Rory rivalry than genuine friendship - while her friendship with Grover and Chiron is always tainted by the fact they never realized she was a demigod and thus forced her to endure two more years of Smelly Gabe. Nico is the one exception to this, with Andy declaring herself Nico's ersatz older sister the moment Bianca joins the Hunt; and

Everything about PJO being aged up accordingly, including the myths. None of the stories are sanitized, and so part of camp is being forced to come to terms with the often awful things the Gods (their parents/uncles/cousins) have done - as well as the awful things many demigods (their siblings/cousins) have done historically.

...And that's all I have. Despite the will they/won't they tension being largely glossed over in this outline, that's where I see the bulk of the drama (and thus the fic) coming from, but what can you do? Anyway, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you ever do anything with it.

More PJO Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

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nintendo-b1tch · 8 months

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There isn’t enough Rauru Fanfics!! >:0

So here, have some angst! :D

Warnings: Grief, Loss, Major Character Death, Sleep Disorders, Anxiety, Depression, Violence, Stress, No Happy Ending

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As he watched you run, a grin spread across his face, basking in the euphoria of this simple yet magical moment. Suddenly, you halted, turning towards him with a mischievous glimmer in your eyes. In a swift motion, you planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, causing his eyes to flutter open in surprise and admiration. The affectionate gesture sent waves of warmth pulsating through his entire being, solidifying his love for you.

However, reality didn't mirror this idyllic scene. He awoke to find himself lying alone in bed, the absence of your presence as overwhelming as a tidal wave crashing upon him. Instinctively, his arm reached out to the side, seeking the imprint that your body would leave on his mattress. His fingertips grazed the empty space, a cruel reminder of the hollowness within his soul. As his trembling hand fell back to the sheets, his sorrow gave birth to crystalline tears that gently tracked down his cheeks, mirroring the anguish that consumed him.

His mind became a torrent of memories, each fragment tragically reminding him of the void that was now his reality. The weight of regret pressed heavily upon him, crushing his spirit with its unforgiving grip. If only he had been more cautious, if only he had shielded you from the clutches of Ganon, perhaps you wouldn't have been subjected to such a tragic fate. The simple stone, a mere piece of jewelry that adorned your neck, had proved to be a fatal harbinger of doom. In his heart, he carried the burden of guilt, etching the words "it was his fault" into the very core of his being.

Every fleeting moment with you, every stolen kiss, now replayed in his mind like a bittersweet montage. The weight of your absence intensified with each passing second, seeping into the crevices of his soul. The overwhelming grief threatened to shatter him completely, leaving only broken fragments of a once vibrant love story. The realization that you were gone, forever out of his reach, pierced him with a searing pain that he couldn't escape.

As the tears continued to cascade down his sorrow-stricken face, his heartbreak became etched in every line and crease. He yearned for the warmth of your laughter, the touch of your hand, and the ethereal connection that only the two of you shared. The throbbing ache within him served as a constant reminder of the irreplaceable void you left behind.

In this sea of anguish, he found himself drowning in a whirlwind of regrets and what-ifs. If only he could turn back time, rewrite the course of history, and rewrite the tragic fate that had befallen you. He clung to the remnants of your love, desperately seeking solace in the hazy memories of your beautiful laughter and infectious spirit.

In the depths of his despair, he vowed to honor your legacy and never let your memory fade. The stone that had caused your untimely demise became a symbol of his eternal devotion, a poignant reminder of the battles he fought within himself. With each teardrop shed, he silently pledged to fight for a future where love prevailed over darkness, where your laughter could once again fill the air, enchanting his broken heart with remnants of a love that will never be forgotten.

The haunting events of that fateful day replayed over and over again in the deepest recesses of his mind, replaying like a broken record that he couldn't tune out. There seemed to be no escape from the gripping nightmares that relentlessly whispered devastating images of your lifeless figure sprawled mercilessly on the unforgiving ground. And there, standing ominously in the backdrop of this indelible memory, was Zelda, her presence casting an eerie shadow upon the scene.

It was as if the weight of his guilt had become an unwelcome companion, a heavy burden that refused to be shrugged off. Shoulders slumped under the immense pressure, he found himself enveloped in an overwhelming sea of remorse, unable to fathom how he could have prevented such a tragedy. Deep down, he knew that you, in your infinite kindness and understanding, would never have wanted him to shoulder this blame alone. But try as he might, it was a challenge to convince himself otherwise.

Every waking moment was haunted by the fragments of that incident, the vivid imprints etched forever in his psyche. From the smallest details of how the light had danced upon your face to the exact postures Zelda had assumed in those haunting seconds, his mind relentlessly recreated the scene vividly, unable to let go. It was as though time had stopped and he was trapped within a loop of remorse, forced to relive every heart-wrenching second indefinitely.

The constant replay of this torturous memory began to spill over into his daily life, causing ripples of distress and despair in even the most mundane tasks. The once vibrant hues of everyday existence seemed muted and dull, as his mind remained fixated on that singular, pivotal moment of tragedy. The world around him carried on, oblivious to the silent torment gnawing at his soul.

He yearned for closure, for a way to escape the clutches of this consuming guilt. Desperate attempts were made to rationalize the situation, to find some semblance of solace in understanding that sometimes, despite our best efforts, life takes a cruel detour. But the heavy weight persisted, pressing down upon him like an unrelenting force, unwilling to grant him respite.

You were the one who opened your heart to fall in love with a unique and unconventional being like him. While many Hylians would mock and ridicule him, you chose a different path, embracing his imperfections and vulnerabilities without judgment or scorn. Your unconditional acceptance and support transformed his life, becoming the guiding light that brightened even the darkest corners of his existence.

The unimaginable day when you were taken away from him stands as a haunting turning point, forever etched into his memory. The mere recollection brings back a flood of emotions, like a fierce tidal wave crashing against the shores of his soul. He can still vividly recall the moment he crumbled, his helpless sobs finding refuge in the comforting embrace of his older sister. The pain of losing you weighed heavy on his heart, threatening to crush his spirit.

The sheer disbelief at your departure overwhelmed him. It was as if the universe had played a cruel trick on him, snatching away his beacon of hope and leaving him stranded in a desolate void of emptiness. Coping with your absence proved to be an uphill battle, one that required him to confront his inner demons and face the reality of life without you. Alas, his inability to accept your departure led him down a treacherous path of detrimental habits and destructive behaviors.

Night after night, unbearable nightmares plagued his vulnerable psyche, mercilessly thrusting him into a realm of torment that he sought to escape. Sleep became his enemy, a treacherous portal that unleashed the haunting memories he desperately wished to evade. His sister, although well-intentioned, could not fathom the depth of his anguish and grief. It was in the dead of night that she awoke, startled by the piercing sound of his anguished scream, a haunting echo of his heartache and yearning for you.

This distressing episode served as a mere glimpse into the extent of his sorrow, a silent testament to his shattered soul. The magnitude of his pain was impossible to comprehend fully, confined within the confines of his mind and heart. Yet, the echoes of his anguish reverberated through the halls of his existence, a constant reminder of the void left by your absence.

When the panicked urgency surged through her veins, propelling her out of her own room and towards the source of the piercing scream, she was met with a sight that left her breathless. In the wake of her hasty arrival, her brother's once peaceful abode had morphed into a scene of havoc and destruction. The room, once a sanctuary, now lay in ruins, as if a tempest had swept through its very core.

However, it was not the shattered remnants of the decorative mirror that commanded her attention, but rather the sight of her brother standing amidst the chaos. Approaching him with measured caution, every step calculated, she couldn't help but notice the untamed state of his hair - an outward manifestation of the depths of his anger. Only on rare occasions did his normally composed demeanor give way to such uncontrollable fury.

As she drew closer, her acute hearing intercepted the soft murmurings emanating from him, the words casting a shiver down her spine. Shock and horror washed over her like a tidal wave as his disturbing declaration echoed in her ears, each repetitious utterance carrying with it mounting intensity. " I'll kill him " he seethed, the weight of those words hanging heavily in the air. The force behind his voice grew, matching the intensity of his emotions, as his clenched fist collided once more with the jagged fragments of the shattered mirror. Yet amidst the chaos, her gaze locked onto something unexpected — a glint of metal in his other hand.

With tears streaming down his face, his anguish was palpable. The sight of her brother, overcome by a maelstrom of emotions, filled her with a desperate sense of concern. In that moment, she glimpsed her most cherished possession, a necklace that held sentiment and memories intertwined, clutched tightly in his trembling grasp. The juxtaposition of his vulnerability and the presence of that treasured necklace left her questioning the events that had led them to this drastic point.

Each shattered piece of the mirror, every trembling word, and the necklace cradled in her brother's hand served as a mosaic of emotions and turmoil. In that poignant instant, she vowed to uncover the truth and bring solace to her brother's tormented soul, to navigate the labyrinth of their shattered reality with unwavering determination. She knew that the road ahead would be arduous, but her love for him was an unyielding beacon, guiding her through the darkest of storms.

" Rauru....this isn't your fault, you couldn't have seen this coming "

" YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND, MINERU, I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING!! HE IS RIGHT, I AM NO FIT TO BE A RULER IF I AM UNABLE TO PROTECT MY FAMILY!! MY SUNDELION!! My everything.... " His body collapsed into his sister's arms, a vulnerable surrender to the overwhelming grief consuming him. As his uncontrollable sobs reverberated throughout the room, it became evident that something crucial was missing in his life. Your absence had left an unfathomable void in his soul, a void that seemed insurmountable in its depth and magnitude.

The tormenting night had awoken him from a fitful slumber, startled by the vivid intrusion of a powerful memory. In his dream, a cherished recollection had materialized, reminding him of a remarkable moment that had forever altered the trajectory of his existence. Summoning unprecedented courage, he had mustered the audacity to ask you on a momentous date, a simple act that held profound significance for him.

The night had unfolded like a beautifully scripted romance, each moment etching itself into the fabric of his memory. And when the time came to bid adieu, he exuded both anticipation and trepidation. With trembling hands, he gently clasped a meticulously crafted necklace around your delicate neck—an exquisite piece painstakingly created by his own hands. It was a blooming Sundelion, a whimsical embodiment of your heart's desires, carefully selected because he knew it held a special place in your affections.

His heart swelled with an indescribable sense of pride and accomplishment upon completing the necklace. The delicate charm gleamed against your skin, its intricate details a testament to the love and dedication he had poured into its creation. As you gratefully expressed your admiration for the thoughtful gesture, his smile widened, deepening the bond that already connected the two of you.

Through this tangible symbol of their affection, he hoped to convey a multitude of emotions that seemed impossible to articulate in words alone. Each carefully crafted petal and intricate design was imbued with the love, adoration, and profound understanding he had for you. It was his humble attempt to epitomize the intricate beauty of your soul—a reflection of the vivid blossoms that bloomed within your essence.

In that moment, he knew that the necklace would be far more than a mere accessory. It would become a cherished talisman, a tangible embodiment of the depth of their connection and the endless possibilities that lay ahead. And so, as he collapsed into his sister's arms, his tears mingling with the memory of that cherished night, he held the necklace close to his heart, finding solace in the reminder of the love he had once shared with you.

You were a truly extraordinary individual who possessed a remarkable ability to brighten people's lives. Your infectious personality and genuine care for others meant that you always went above and beyond to ensure that everyone around you wore a genuine smile. It was absolutely heartwarming to witness how effortlessly and selflessly you made it your mission to uplift those who were feeling downhearted.

In your presence, even the most sorrowful souls would find solace and comfort as you ceaselessly worked to turn their frowns upside down. Your unwavering dedication to spreading happiness and joy was truly awe-inspiring. You had an innate talent for understanding the needs and emotions of others, which enabled you to provide them with the support and encouragement they required during their difficult moments.

Your magnetic charm and charisma attracted people from all walks of life, and it was a testament to your exceptional character. Your mere presence had the power to create an atmosphere of warmth and positivity that enchanted everyone around you. You effortlessly formed deep connections and friendships, leaving an indelible impression on everyone who had the privilege of encountering your radiant spirit.

However, when fate took you away from the realm, an irrevocable darkness descended upon the once vibrant kingdom. The news of your untimely departure spread like wildfire, and the kingdom was plunged into an overwhelming state of deep sorrow and mourning. It was as if a brilliant light had been snuffed out, leaving behind a void that seemed impossible to fill. As word of your loss reached far and wide, communities near and far grieved the loss of a remarkable soul whose impact had reverberated throughout the land.

The kingdom mourned not only for the loss of an extraordinary individual who had enriched the lives of so many, but also for the void created by your absence. The absence of your vivacious spirit and contagious laughter left an insurmountable emptiness that permeated every corner of the kingdom. The memory of your selflessness, compassion, and unwavering commitment to spreading happiness was etched in the hearts of every citizen, forever reminding them of the profound impact you made during your time amongst them.

The grief that pervaded the kingdom served as a testament to your extraordinary influence and the indomitable mark you left on the hearts and souls of the people. It became increasingly evident that your absence was not just a personal loss, but a collective tragedy that weighed heavily upon the entire community. The kingdom yearned for the return of the joy and unity that had once flourished under your guiding light.

Though the kingdom continued to mourn, your legacy lived on, as the lessons you imparted and the countless smiles you had brought continued to inspire and motivate. The memories of your kindness, generosity, and immense capacity to bring happiness to others lingered, reinforcing the importance of compassion and empathy within the hearts of those who remained.

In conclusion, your unparalleled ability to bring a smile to everyone's face, even in the darkest of times, was a gift that touched the lives of countless individuals. Your magnetic presence and unwavering commitment to spreading joy made you the guiding light of the kingdom, and your departure left behind an irreplaceable void that was mourned by all. Your legacy of kindness and selflessness continues to resonate within the hearts of those who were fortunate enough to cross paths with you, ensuring that your memory is forever cherished and celebrated.

Every single day, without fail, he would find himself in the same predicament: unable to sleep, tormented by the memories of their time together. Each night seemed to bring forth a different recollection, replaying like a broken record in his mind. It was as if the universe had conspired to snatch away his beloved far too soon, leaving him to grapple with an unfair and unfathomable reality.

The emotions that churned within him were overwhelming, and he couldn't help but feel a growing disgust in the depths of his chest. The sight of couples indulging in displays of affection felt like a personal affront, a cruel reminder of what he had lost. It was almost as if they were purposefully rubbing their happiness in his face, taunting him with the fact that he could no longer share such moments with you.

These thoughts, invasive and unrelenting, plagued his mind relentlessly. They consumed him to such an extent that he found solace only within the confines of his own room. It became a sanctuary of sorts, a shelter from the onslaught of memories and emotions that threatened to engulf him. Within those four walls, he sought refuge from the tumultuous waves crashing against the shores of his weary soul.

And so, he would retreat into isolation, withdrawing from the world outside that seemed so devoid of the warmth and joy he once knew. The confinement of his room became a physical representation of the emotional isolation he felt, a space where he could attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible loss that had shattered his world.

In this chamber of solitude, he would dwell upon the fragments of memories scattered across the vast expanse of his mind. Each moment of tenderness, each laugh shared, and every touch exchanged would be painstakingly dissected and analyzed. For within those memories lay the essence of what had been lost, the intangible connection that was now severed.

As he grappled with the unbearable weight of his grief, he longed for an answer to the inevitable question: why? Why were others allowed to bask in the glow of happiness while he was left to navigate the darkness alone? The answer remained elusive, buried within the complexities of fate and the unpredictability of life.

And so, night after night, he would find himself trapped in this ceaseless cycle of longing, yearning for an escape from the clutches of his sorrow. Each sleepless night was a stark reminder of the love that had been snatched away, and the pain that persisted. And within the walls of his room, he would continue to search for solace, hoping that one day, the memories would bring not only pain, but also a bittersweet sense of peace.

Rauru found solace in immersing himself in his royal duties, seeking respite from the overwhelming weight of his thoughts. Wrapped tightly in his blanket, he absentmindedly scratched at the fur on his thighs, a nervous tick that offered temporary distraction. His gaze fell upon the wounds that marred his flesh, a secret he held close, aware of the unhealthiness of his actions.

In truth, he couldn't fathom the possibility of breaking free from this cycle. It had become an addiction, a desperate attempt to alleviate the agony of your absence. You were more than just a presence in his life; you were the very essence of his happiness. The day you left, his world came crashing down, an irreversible rupture in his soul.

That fateful night, Rauru found himself kneeling before the statue of the goddess, pouring his heart out in desperate pleas. He yearned for your return, hoping against all odds that she would hear his cries and grant him reprieve. However, no matter how many times he humbled himself in front of that relentless statue, you remained forever out of reach.

Oh, how he longed for your presence once more, but it was an unattainable dream. He resigned himself to a life where you would never grace his side again, forever mourning the loss of the one who completed him..

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drarrily-we-row-along · 2 years

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Flufftober 6: Candles, Lanterns, Fairy Lights

Harry hated Halloween.

The grief and sense of loss he experienced was masked and covered in much the same way that people dressed up in costumes so that he could attend parties and be social. But every Halloween, all he wanted to do was stay at home and grieve.

Unfortunately, this had been especially true the past two years because he'd started dating Draco, and Draco loved nothing so much as he loved throwing a good party. And Harry loved Draco, so it seemed like a small sacrifice to make when he was expected to go to parties anyway; at least this one would be in his own home so he could sneak off to bed early to have a good cry.

But as he started up the walk, Harry noticed immediately that something was off. There was no sound coming from the house; no laughter or music, no raised voices either. The lights in the house were also dim, nothing like they normally were for the Halloween party.

Frowning, Harry pushed the door open and found that no one was in their house. "Draco?" he called uncertainly, drawing his wand to be safe.

"Hey," Draco said, emerging from the kitchen with two glasses of wine in his hands.

"Hi," he said, tilting his head curiously at him, "Where-"

"It shouldn't have taken the death of my father for me to realize that it has probably been awful for you to have parties every year on Halloween," he said.

He shook his head, "It's fine-"

"It's not," he replied. "Remember when I came in last year and found you crying in the bathroom?"

"I'm fine-"

"And you told me that you were fine," he continued, "but you weren't. Of course you weren't," Draco said, taking a step closer to him. "You've never been allowed to grieve properly," he added. "I'm sorry that I didn't realize before. The thought of-" he broke off, shaking his head. "If someone had wanted me to come to a party on the day my father died, I would have been furious. And my relationship with him was much more complicated and frought with tension-"

"Draco-" he started.

"I'm rambling," he said, shaking his head. "My point, is that I'm sorry."

He stepped over and took the glasses from Draco, setting them on the table before taking Draco's hands in his, "I love you," he said softly. "I've never held it against you."

"That's because you're too good for this world."

He pressed a kiss to Draco's knuckles, "I'll remember you said that the next time I've left my socks lying under the coffee table."

"Brat," Draco muttered but his voice was so full of affection that Harry couldn't help but smile. "Come on, I've something to show you."

He followed Draco through the house, wine glasses trailing along behind him, to the back patio. Draco opened the door and Harry's breath caught in his chest.

Their patio had been decorated with pictures of his parents, framed with care, some moving and others still. He'd seen most of the pictures before, but there were a couple that looked unfamiliar. They were illuminated by candles and decorative lanterns, fairy lights had been strung up and cast a soft warm glow around them.

"Draco," he whispered, eyes filling with tears.

The other man cleared his throat, "I thought that we could maybe just sit and talk a little bit. Maybe you could tell me some of the stories you've gathered over the years?"

"Thank you," he managed, throat tight around the feeling of being loved and seen.

"I love you," Draco replied, tugging Harry over toward the soft bench across from the pictures. "Tell me about them?"

And Harry cried while he told Draco everything he knew about his parents, all of the little scraps he'd pieced together through the years. It felt good to be sharing their story, to have someone listen like they really cared about who they'd been.

When he reached the end of his stories he murmured, "When I was little, at the Dursley's, I used to imagine them. I used to dream that there was someone who'd loved me. Finding out that it was true, that both of my parents loved me so much that they died for me," he broke off to swallow. "I didn't really feel worthy, you know?"

Draco's fingers laced through Harry's and he squeezed them wordlessly, waiting.

"And I didn't want it," he added, so soft he could barely hear his own words. "I didn't want to be somewhere that no one was left who loved me."

There was a little hiccoughing gasp and Harry turned to look at Draco, immediately drawn out of his reminiscing. The other man sat there next to him, tears sliding down his cheeks, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be," Harry said, wiping Draco's tears.

"I just," he let out a shuddering sort of sob, "I'm so sad for you. I can't-"

"It's alright," he murmured, pulling Draco into his arms, "It's better now. I have so many people who love me. My life is so good," he added.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he replied. "Thanks for doing this with me."

"Always," he promised.

A promise he kept every year thereafter. Every year, Draco set out their pictures and gifted Harry with a little story of them that he'd never heard before.

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Read my other Flufftober ficlets

#love #flufftober #drarry #soft #dealing with trauma #established relationship #cw: mentions death of parents #fluff

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imeanwhynotbruv · 1 year

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Possible Idea For Soldier Boy Spider au

<<for anyone who who doesn’t know this is about my SoldierBoySpider au where the RDQ raised Spider as a weapon>>

So, I can’t draw people but I think you can get the point of how the scar would look ^, just imagine him with a buzz cut because he’s the RDAs little soldier and none of them would let him grow his hair. (If anyone who can draw people would be willing to actually draw this it would be very appreciated😅) (but again, you get the gist)

I idk if I’m actually going to add this to the au but if I do, here’s some the idea.

Spiders always had his hair shorn really short, like he only has a little bit of fuzz on top (Tuk is obsessed with it when they first meet) and he only starts growing it out when he’s with the Sullys.

I was kind of interested in giving Spider a scar a bit like Quaritch’s except it wraps around his head a bit more.

Maybe he got it during one of those training exercises where the RDA just left him in the forest for a few days to find his way back. Here’s a quick idea, if I’d actually do it, it would sound better than this 😅:

<><>

Spider had almost found his way back when he heard it, a ferocious growl coming from behind him. There, in the gleam of the plants that lit up the forest with their ethereal midnight glow, were vicious yellow eyes staring at him with a deep, primal hunger.

Spider felt his blood run cold as he clutched his gun tighter. He didn’t dare move,should the creature take it as a threat and strike.

Another growl sliced through the cold air, as large claws tore away at the mud beneath them.

Creatures that big shouldn’t be there. He’d been too close to the bace to be on high alert, nothing had ever followed him that far. Hell, he could see the lights just up ahead, barely flickering between the trees.

The creature growled again.

He should have been more careful.

He’d been to comfortable, too trusting in the false sense of safety that had surrounded him.

The creature lunged for him, it’s gigantic claws swiping as his mask. The glass shattered to pieces, cutting the skin of his face whilst the deadly claws tore away at his head.

The force of the blow had thrown him to the side, smack against a tree. It had taken every survival instinct, every memory of hours spent painfully training his lungs, for him not to take a breath.

Spider had to fight back the screams of pain bubbling in his throat as blood cascaded down his face, filling his left eye leaving it useless, leaving him with another weakness.

Spider knew he wouldn’t be able to out run it, not with the exhaustion in his bones and searing pain in his head,but he’d have a better chance if it was distracted.

Spider steadied his gun as well as he could against his knee as took his aim. He released the bullets with absolute accuracy into the creature’s eye, it’s weakest point.

The beast howled in pain as Spider took his chance.

Using every bit of his sheer will to live, Spider fought his way through the plants on the forest floor. He could feel his lungs burning, threatening to give out, when he’d finally breached the trees.

The airlock was just ahead of him, a few more minutes and he’d reach it.

Then he fell.

The force of the ground hitting his chest caused him breath, to suck in the poisoned air around him.

Shit.

This was it. Spider was going to die.

Spider had resigned himself to his fate when the world turned to black, ready to die choking on the air and bleeding into the grass.

Then he felt it, cool gentle hands brushing away the pain from his wounds, the burning from his lungs. It was as if all worry had left him as strong arms embraced him.

“Hush my child. All will be well soon, for I am with you. I see you Spider.” A voice, like a thousand whispers echoed softy around his ears.

It felt like decades later when Spider woke up in the med bay, bandages wrapped around his head and an oxygen mask secured to his face.

Everyone told him it was a miracle he’d lived, that he’d been able to open the airlock. But he knew he hadn’t. He knew he’d fallen before he’d reached the door. Something in him had told him not to tell them that, so he hadn’t.

Ever since that night, Spider had only ever heard the voice again in his dreams. The soft words comforting him in sleep, only to be lost by day break. The voice that lived in his memory, never once gaining a face.

After that moment, Spider could no longer fear the forest at all. The tiny fears that had once lived in the back of his mind vanished without a trace. In fact, he found himself seeking it out. Desperate to find the warmth he’d felt that night again, to be held securely in those arms again. It was only in the forest that felt a strange sense of calm, of safety.

Spider couldn’t fear the forest, because Eywa would never let it end him.

<><>

So yeah something like that. I honestly hadn’t planned having Eywa in it (btw Spider doesn’t know it’s Eywa yet) but at some point it just started doing it’s own thing 😂

Also I love that Neytiri would have to get over the fact that Spider’s scars are so similar to Quaritches. The possibilities for hurt/comfort are wonderful✨

You know Mo’at is going to feel Eywa all around this kid, she’s going to be so interested and just accept him as her grand baby whilst everyone else is struggling to be around him 😂(in the beginning)

So yeah that’s my idea!

I’m so tired😅 I need to sleep better! I’m really hoping the sentences make sense but I’ll just check later…….probably

Let me know if you like it or want any more😂 my asks are always open to you!

Hope you enjoyed my lovelies.❤️

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belong2human-kind · 3 months

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Another bad depressive episode, yay /s

#depressive episode #dealing with trauma #ptsd #child of an alcoholic parent #dealing with alcohol in my close social circle #it hurts like hell #i can't sleep

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hazelnuthell · 1 year

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I honestly disagree with everyone saying Nico was out of character in TSATS. Will is helping him get through trauma , and now he is able to make jokes and be a nerd again! And he still makes dark emo jokes (which I LOVE). He’s a grump ‘ball of darkness’ but he’s also allowed to feel and cry and love.

#rick riordan #tsats #solangelo #Nico being a cute nerd #trauma #dealing with trauma #will and Nico are in love

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cybercritterinyourcomputer · 10 months

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inside you there are two dogs [you are the dogs]

not outright said but its about my daily dealing with possible trauma, grappling with possible abuse, processing childhood shit, and age regression

#vent agere #vent art #vent #mspaint #my art #dealing with trauma #dealing with possible abuse #mental illness #growing up undiagnosed neurodivergent sure was fun #will forever doubt myself on my life #age regression #mmmmmmm wolf

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hhighkey · 1 year

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Haunted // Chapter Five, kyoto p1

Inumaki Toge x OC (female)

Chapter Rating: general

Story Contains: unhealthy relationships, strangers to lowkey!friends to lovers, family issues, OC is in high school going into university after summer, she thought curses were ghosts, bad parents want their child dead, 18/19 character ages, toge is so in love, eventual sex prior to relationship, soft dom toge, dacryphylia, over protective/ possessive toge, jealous toge

Word Count: 2573

KEY: 'text written with single quotations are writing/typing in notes or messages by toge' and bold text is when japanese sign language comes in

Tags: reply to be added

Masterlist

THE afternoon sun bathed down on the buildings that sat up upon the hills looking down onto the Kamo River, paths alongside. The blue sky above was dotted with fluffy white clouds that drifted in the gentle breeze above the city of Kyoto. Tourists and locals alike were out and about- many walking, cycling, and or relaxing on the banks of the river. Two girls in specific had gotten up early to begin their long walk to see different temples and end up sitting on a tiny hill where rocks went down to meet the water. They were enjoying their trip and no school, giggling about recent social media posts, etc.

It had been five days since they were attacked by a curse. Four days since Keiko was given the choice to join Jujutsu High. Three days since Aki's Grandma took the two to Kyoto. The friends didn't know how to talk about what happened that afternoon, when they saw each other for the first time after they just laid in Aki's bed watching television. No words could describe the schock and how they were trying to come to terms with how fast it happened.

Keiko's long black hair continued to whip into her hair as each time she'd laugh annoyed trying to tame it. Finally, she used a hairtie from her wrist to put it back; which she hated low ponytails. Aki was glued to her phone searching up things for them to do, where to shop, and pictures of Kyoto in other seasons.

"I wish we could come back in the spring, look at these pictures of when the cherry blossoms are fully blooming." Aki showed her the phone, where it showed pretty pink blossoms adorning the trees, sky and ground.

Keiko glanced around and back to the picture, she could only imagine how majestic it would be to experience that in real like than a picture. Few months earlier and they would be, "wow.. I mean we can during uni, we’ll have much more time.. hopefully."

"That's a great idea, I can’t wait."

"Let’s just pray rumors of uni being easier than high school are true."

"I know! Sort of an oversight there in my opinion to make high school more demanding." Keiko laughed, "I can't believe that's coming up... we’ve worked so hard."

"Don't even wanna think about it! Parents started getting all emotional lately." Aki groaned, "too much work, let's just not go. Convince your parents to let us mooch off them forever."

"I wish! But hey, if we hate University of Tyoko we can just transfer here." she thought back to Aki's grandma forcing them to do a small tour to get the girls thinking about university, "it's too close to home really.”

"Not like we knew your parents would suddenly let you leave town months after we decided.. though the six hours to get here was pretty lengthy.”

"I knowww but probably because we didn’t take the train." Keiko poked her.

"Ah true, but hey we really lucked out getting on the same dorm floor."

"Though I was gonna cry when we got the placement emails! If was smart of your grandma to have us email housing.” Keiko smiled.

"Literally! I swear if somehow fucking Emiko ended up in our building I’m dying."

"You still hate her?" she laughed at Aki's face of disgust,

"Always will!"

Keiko knew they’d be in different major taking different classes, around new people. They had their different hobbies and strengths in school and life. With Keiko having had private tutoring and being stuck at home, she found herself enjoying books on anything she could get her hands on. So suddenly math and science made sense to her as numbers just solved themselves, whereas Aki was torn between economics and teaching. Keiko had safety in her family life so leaving home seemed like it could be a great idea. Sometimes it felt like there wasn't much for her in Tokyo besides Aki; why stay? University was a touchy subject for a lot of students she felt. Keiko didn't necessarily have any strong emotions about it besides a mixture of laziness and excitement. Primary thankfulness to still have her best friend by her side.

A sudden VIBRATING snapped Keiko from her thoughts. She stumbled to reach into her purse to grab her phone.

"Oh?" Keiko murmured as she saw a text message from a number she didn't recognize.

"What's what?" Aki asked trying to see her friends phone screen,

"Text from an unknown number."

"Who!?"

"Inumaki.. forgot I gave him my number for a second." Keiko flushed red.

"What does it say?" Aki only knew the little about what Keiko told her- he'd saved them and he had been the most welcoming to her.

"Just saying that it's him."

"Oh, lame." Aki huffed, "you better tell me everything about this boy! I am gonna get you a boyfriend somehow,"

"Shut up, it's not like that! Lemme just respond," Keiko giggled shaking her head, knowing this she'd be spilling everything she knew about him to her.

4:55 pm

UNKNOWN: Hi it's Inumaki Toge:)

KEIKO: hi!! do u prefer to go by toge or inumaki? people seemed to call u by ur surname but i have to know what to put your contact as :)

UNKNOWN: Both is fine!

KEIKO: cool! also cool u texted

TOGE: So how are you doing?

KEIKO: well, i feel a lot better now knowing i'm not losing my mind or seeing things.

KEIKO: sorry I left abruptly btw...

KEIKO: Aki is okay, so i'm okay. we're in kyoto rn it's nice

TOGE: That city's nice! n glad you guys are okay. Injuries looked bad

TOGE: And you're good, sorry about Gojo

KEIKO: yeah, it's like all i see when i sleep now. and i am liking it here, much different than tokyo

KEIKO: and its k, i wasn't doing great

TOGE: Can I ask you something?

KEIKO: yeah sure

TOGE: Would you mind coming to visit when you're back?

KEIKO: uh oh did your teacher put you up to this

TOGE: Yes and no

KEIKO: i don't have much of a choice do i ? lol

TOGE: Not exactly, but I'll stay by you if you'd like.

KEIKO: that'd be nice. ur teacher's a little straightforward

TOGE: He's interesting. You'll also be meeting the principal too

KEIKO: oh great :/

TOGE: You'll be fine :)

"Sounds like they want to see me back at Jujutsu High." Keiko groaned as she figured there was no point in responding right now. She wished the conversation with Inumaki didn't go that direction, "yeah it's super pretty there and cool to learn about curses and what not I guess, but I just want to be left alone right now."

"Aw his texting seems cute, glad he cares about us." Aki proclaimed looking through the texts, "At least go to see this boy! And when have you been such a debbie-downer? This could be that adventure we wanted."

"Seems a little dangerous to me... and I guess I would like to see Toge again."

"Uh ohhh crush incoming!" Aki teased.

"Oh my god, no way, I don't even know him. I'm just glad someone's being nice over there it's weird." Keiko scrunched up her face to give Aki a playfully annoyed look. She put her phone back in her purse so her friend couldn't stare at the messages some more.

"Maybe I can meet him sometime."

"Of course! He saved us. I hope if I have to go back I can meet some other people, being stuck with Gojo will definitely have me running again."

Keiko knew that eventually she'd have to explain more to Aki. It was all on the tip of her tongue ready to spill out, she knew she'd be ready to talk soon. It was also obvious that Aki was itching to as well.

"God I am burning up, I need some more of that breeze," Keiko growned as she stretched her legs out more letting a soft groan out.

Keiko studied her friend's features with careful eyes as she felt more precious than normal. At times, Keiko only saw the 'unconcious and bloody' Aki when she looked at her. At first it startled her, made her stare because she didn't know what to say. But now, at least, she could push the dark thoughts from her mind and appreicate the fact she still had her best friend.

"Ready to go get some tea then?" The two had one more thing planned for the night- Ippodo Tea. It was located in a quiet neighborhood almost an hour from where they currently were. Aki had chosen to go shopping the last few days and stop at known food places, besides seeing Kyoto University the tea shop was the one place Keiko wanted to go. "We should catch the train to get there it'll get you out of the sun," Keiko continued excitedly, "did you know they celebrated three-hundred years last year? They opened in 1717."

"Three-hundred? That's insane... and you would know that,"

"I know." she rolled her eyes pretending not to hear that last part, "I heard their tea is the highest of quality, like top in the world. Literally so happy we're going. They do tastings so you can try different kinds. Finally get to make my own matcha," Keiko was practically drooling over the thought of fresh, high quality tea that would surpass what she made by a long shot.

"You know, you're cute when you get all excited about things!"

"Thanks," Keiko stuck out her tongue at Aki as she watched her friend bounce up to her feet, where she stood above Keiko with her hands on her hips, in a triumphant manner. She grinned down and said,

"Come on lets go slowpoke."

Maybe it was the fact neither had the experience of a trauma together, or separately that bled into the other's life to know how to handle it. They were still children in the eyes of society as a whole, but adult enough to choose paths that would take them to the rest of their lives. They shouldn't have been subjected to the evil that appeared in the alley that day, the curse that almost killed them and changed their trajectory forever. The mood was sullen between the two girls as they sipped their tea they so dutifully learnt to make and understand the history of. It was like dark, tear filled clouds hovered over their heads as their gazes evaded the others- like it was hitting them in the moment of silence.

"For the first time I haven't known how to talk about something with you." Keiko said, a solemn look in her eyes as she stared down at the half empty tea.

"I don't think we've been ready the last few days. Had to process, it's weird because it feels like it didn't happen. Like it was all a dream at this point."

"I feel that," Keiko replied, "but also you were definitely unconscious for the worst parts... not that I'm trying to minimize anything, I swear."

"I know." Aki wanted to reach across and grab her hands, try to console her but she felt frozen, "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect or help you, or experience it too. I don't know what I'd do if I watched you almost die."

"It's not your fault. I'm okay, really. And I think the fact it was me who did something about it helps. Just the pure pain of losing you and even Kaito made something just... happen. I can't explain."

"I'm proud of you. And thankful we didn't die that's for sure."

"Me too and Aki, I have to tell you about when I was at Jujutsu High without you guys," Keiko took a deep breath as she talked about Gojo wanting her to join the school, figured she could be useful. And as she began to talk about her dad, her voice cracked. With a kind look from Aki she took a deep breath and continued. Keiko couldn't even believe her own words as she said "they're jujutsu sorcerers Aki... My dads one of their leaders or something. Gojo told me to be careful."

"Wow. I-I don't know what to say about that. Now you have some answers..."

"There's no way about any of it." Keiko knew it would be a dangerous denial for her to keep thinking that way; but, it was eating her up. For days she tried not thinking about it while they began their trip, but as things slowed down she had more time to think. Keiko never kept things from Aki like this so she could think, however family ties seemed like an okay thing to keep private as she tried to sift through everything she knew.

"Maybe you should consider joining Jujutsu High to some extent... what if you can really help people? Find out the truth about your parents?"

Keiko frowned as she was suddenly deep in thought. What Aki asked was a good question- she literally saved her friends. What if more people would need her? There was a nagging feeling in her that Gojo or Jujutsu High wouldn't be leaving her alone anytime soon. Keiko didn't want people dying but she also didn't know if she could be the one to help. She didn't think she was fit to take on something like that. But she always wanted to help. Make a difference. However, the world of curses seemed dangerous, not anything she signed up for or thought that would be how she'd help.

"Don't you think it's weird my parents suddenly gave me freedom. How my mom's been so strange towards me...." her voice grew quieter with each world she spoke. In her mind it seemed absurde, questions her parents; but, as she said it aloud she realized maybe it wasn't so crazy after all, "what if they didn't want me knowing about this? And not to protect me..."

"I-" Aki stopped herself before she said anything. It was a complicated situation for two girls aged seventeen, normally she'd have something to say if it was about a boy. Boys and school were always the biggest issues in their lives, mostly.

"I feel stupid, confused Aki. I feel like I can't stop thinking about it unless we're engrossed doing something. At night I've been laying awake while you're fast asleep. It's terrible."

"I'm so sorry... that jujutsu doctor gave Kaito and I someone's number if we needed to talk. I think I'm going to take them up, maybe we could go together. Or I think you should go back to Jujutsu High."

"Or we can pretend like we didn't almost die?" Keiko laughed with a tinge of bitterness.

"That feels like it would be easier..."

Aki watched her friend with sad eyes as she reached across the table grabbing her hands in her own. She knew things may not get any better if they tried to run. She also knew that everything happening was well out of Keiko's comfort zome, she seemed to be struggling this whole trip, seeming absent-minded, "I promise we'll get through this. Together and with Kaito too, he barely knew us and this happened. Us three need each other at the least even if we decide we want nothing to do with the jujutsu sorcerers."

#jujutsu kaisen #inumaki toge #inumaki x reader #inumaki headcanons #gojo satoru #anime #jjk toge #jjk fanfic #toge fanfic #inumaki fanfic #AO’s haunted #text #slow pining #dealing with trauma #strangers to friends

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theazkabandreamer · 1 year

Conversation

Hermione: Is Harry *still* making snowmen with the kids?

Ginny: He’s been at it for hours with them.

Hermione: He’s more of a big kid than Ron.

Ron: Impossible! But to be fair to him though, he never did that when he was the same age as the kids.

Ginny: That’s why I let them play. Harry’s been a different person since the kids came into our lives.

#Hinny #Ronmione #Harry Potter #Ron Weasley #Hermione Granger #Ginny Potter #hp next gen #dealing with trauma #The Potter kids

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dreamtigress · 2 months

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Me, on the actual International Women's Day: I wrote this awesome story with five strong female characters in it. I should post about it.

My ADHD: You will forget until it is Saturday.

Saturday: You are busy.

My autism on Saturday night, almost midnight again: HEY, POST THE THING.

So, in honor of International Women's Day, but a day late from a busy AuDHD woman, have an awesome story featuring five female characters who are amazing and bad ass and overcoming their various traumas and having adventures.

#women #female characters #soc fandom #inej ghafa #BAMF Inej Ghafa #Lizabet #Mesa #Oxana #Seile #OC's #OC POV's #Original Characters #Hunting slavers #PTSD #Dealing with trauma #confronting past enemies #six of crows #grishaverse #gender non-conforming characters

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petertheundermedicated-blog · 2 months

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Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving: A Guide to Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker - notes by me

if just one other human being finds my notes helpful, i can be at peace

a document of the parts of the book I found most insightful and impactful. There's a table of contents so you can skip to the parts you might find the most helpful :)

Please keep in mind that this is not a full summary so it's not comprehensive! If you want more detail I'd absolutely recommend checking out the book from a library or buying a copy.

#complex ptsd #cptsd #cptsd recovery #trauma recovery #dealing with trauma #trauma coping #healthy coping skills #perfectionism #fight flight freeze fawn #inner critic #reparenting #inner child #trauma responses #book recommendation #do you ever start doing something unplanned but by the time you finish it somehow feels like it was always going to happen

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famousclowngardener · 8 months

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I watched Pixar's Elemental with my husband yesterday. He just curled up on my lap and sobbed almost the entire film.

It brought up some strong feelings for him.

#elemental #pixar elemental #dealing with trauma #i just support him #hes perfect

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drarrily-we-row-along · 2 years

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Harry had been told that he was a lot.

In many cases, it wasn't just that he was 'a lot', he was told that he was 'too much'. Sometimes with words but most often without. It was fair, he supposed. He did have "really big feelings", life felt like a lot.

Everything felt like a lot to him, so it made sense that it would feel like too much for other people when they undoubtedly had their own shit.

He'd learned from a fairly young age, to press it down, to suppress feelings and emotions, to make them (and subsequently himself) smaller. It was easier that way. And over the course of time, he did it more and more, because it made other people's lives simpler.

That was the truth of it.

It was easier to make himself small, to cut himself into bite sized pieces for other people (so that they didn't do it themselves). It was easier to only give the parts of himself that were required in a given situation, to change himself slightly depending on the needs of those around him; to meet their needs, to be the person they needed him to be.

And it was fine.

Harry was fine.

Until Draco Malfoy showed up unannounced one evening, looking fucking gorgeous with his perfect undercut, and his eyebrow piercing, and tattoos covering his arms (and probably elsewhere), and a cigarette dangling from between his lips. His gaze had glanced over Harry where he stood at the bar, waiting for a round of drinks, and then returned to him. His brow furrowed minutely as he slowly looked Harry up and down again.

He tried to suppress the shudder, the tingle of excitement in his fingers and toes, but going by the cocky grin on Malfoy's face he hadn't succeeded.

(Read more below the cut)

Malfoy strode across the bar and stopped in front of Harry, "Come on."

"What?" he asked, startled and more than a little confused.

"Leave with me."

"What?" he repeated, looking around because surely he must be talking to someone else. "Me? Why? Where?"

"Aren't you sick of it?" Malfoy asked. "The playing, the pretending?" he added, "the pretense of it all? Aren't you fucking exhausted of having to live for everyone around you and never for yourself?"

"Yeah," he said before he could stop himself.

Malfoy grinned widely. "Leave with me," he repeated.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

He raised an eyebrow, "Guess you'll just have to come and find out."

And in spite of what some might call better judgement, he followed Draco Malfoy out of the bar and watched as he slung his leg over a motorbike. It was ridiculously attractive and Harry didn't know what he was meant to do.

"Get on," Malfoy said, running his fingers through his hair.

After a split second debate Harry threw caution to the wind and slipped on behind the other man.

"You're going to want to hold on," Malfoy said, and Harry barely had the presence of mind to grab his waist before Malfoy was taking off into the night.

He zipped through the city, weaving in and out of traffic with much of the same skill that he possessed on a broom, and Harry wasn't a repressed teenager fighting for his life anymore; he could admit that it was sexy.

There was something freeing about relaxing into the movements of the other man's body as he steered, about having absolutely no idea where he was going or what was happening. After a long ride, they ended up outside of a muggle apartment building and Malfoy stepped off.

"Where are we?" Harry asked, still following Malfoy as he started toward the building.

"My flat," Malfoy replied, scanning a card that made the door beep and allow them entrance.

"Why?"

He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes skimmed over Harry once more, "Honestly?"

He shrugged.

"You look like you could use a good shag."

Harry spluttered.

"No offense. Just," he shrugged as he slid a key into the keyhole, "when was the last time you weren't trying to please someone?"

And Harry wanted to be offended. He wanted to offer an indignant, passionate rebuttal but if he was being honest he couldn't remember the last time he'd done something purely selfish.

"Thought that might be the case," Malfoy replied, even though Harry hadn't said anything. Or maybe because Harry hadn't said anything.

"And what do you get out of it?"

Malfoy raised an eyebrow, "Apart from sex?"

He nodded.

"Nothing. That's the beauty of it, Potter. Just," he shrugged, "be."

-----------------

It hadn't been a one time occurrence.

Harry wished that he could say he was surprised about that, but honestly having a place to come and blow off some steam felt beyond good. And getting to come and be whatever he was in the moment; mad, or sad, or joyful, or any other emotion one could imagine, was a revelation.

Malfoy became Draco and then they weren't just fucking anymore. Then they spent hours in bed or lazing about Draco's flat drinking tea or beer and eating the ginger biscuits he always kept on hand. And Harry found the gift of getting to be whoever he was in any given moment, extended to their talking as well.

He talked and talked and talked, and then he talked some more. About anything he wanted to. He talked about good things, he talked about the world they lived in and the dreams he had for it. But surprisingly, more often than not, he talked about himself.

Harry found himself talking about things that he thought he'd either made peace with or shoved down far enough that he'd never have to deal with them again. But in the quiet space between them, in the bed or on the sofa, even out on the little balcony where Draco went to smoke sometimes after sex, Harry spilled his secrets and laid bare his soul.

And Draco let him. He never met him with pity, or with the encouragement to just buck up. Instead he was met with words like, "that must have been very difficult", "I'm sorry that happened to you", "that wasn't fair", or (Harry's favorite but also least favorite in the way that it made his insides feel all tangled) "that wasn't your fault and you shouldn't carry the weight of that."

Draco talked too, sometimes. Probably not as much as Harry did, but with just as much of a variety of emotions. It seemed, to Harry at least, that Draco hadn't really been given permission to feel his feelings either and it helped in some way to have that in common.

It all continued like that for eight months until one night, after Harry had an absolutely awful day, and he just couldn't get himself set to rights. It was August and Draco's flat was a little hot, especially with the doors to the balcony open so Draco could smoke.

He was talking about something, designing a tattoo for a customer, perhaps? When Harry couldn't hold it in anymore, "Why do you do it?"

"What?" Draco asked, looking at Harry like he'd lost the plot. "Tattoo people? It's a job, one I'm quite good at. I thought we'd talked about this-"

"No," he said, shaking his head, trying to clear it, trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Why do you put up with me?"

Draco looked so taken aback that Harry wondered if perhaps he'd spoken in parseltongue. "Why do I put up with you?" he echoed.

"Yes," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I know I'm a lot. With my trauma and my baggage, and even without all of that I'm such a mes-"

"Hey," Draco said, stubbing out his cigarette and climbing back inside. "Hey," he repeated, brushing a thumb over Harry's cheek.

"Why?" he whispered.

Draco climbed into the chair with Harry, straddling his lap as he carded his fingers through his hair. "You're not a lot."

"Pfft," he huffed. "Draco, I have more trauma than-"

"You're not too much," he said. "You aren't too much for me because I'm not carrying your shit for you," slowly he brushed a thumb over Harry's temple. "I'm sitting with you in the mess because that's what friends do."

"That's what we are?"

Draco shrugged, "What would you call us?"

"I don't know," he whispered.

The other man looked at him for a long moment, eyes searching him in a way that always left Harry feeling breathless and flayed open. Too much and too little all at once. "Listen to me," he said. Then, "listen to me," whispered softly as Draco brushed his curls back from his forehead. "We don't have to put a name to this for you to be my favorite person. You," he exhaled, "You have lived through so much-"

"So have you," he inserted defensively.

Draco nodded, "So have I," he agreed. "And acknowledging that I have experienced horrific, traumatic things; that I was a child; that I made wrong choices but that those choices were made out of fear and out of love," he shrugged, "it helps me to see how we're all a little broken. And no one wants to admit it."

"Draco," he whispered, heart cracking inside of his chest.

He brushed a kiss over his brow, "so much of the wizarding world hasn't dealt with the trauma they've experienced. Where people have simply told themselves that the danger is gone, so everything can go back to normal. But that's just not how people work," he said. "And when I look at you, I see you."

"What?"

Draco took a deep breath, searching his eyes, "You know that you're not okay."

"That is very true."

He nodded, "and I see you pretending, for everyone else's sake, but it's not for your own sake."

His brow furrowed, "Is that not what everyone is doing? Pretending for everyone around them."

"I don't think so," he said slowly. "I think most people are pretending for their own sake, they don't want to look at their hurts."

"But I do?"

The corner of Draco's mouth curved and Harry wanted to kiss him there, to taste his soft, secret smile the way he had so many times at this point. "You do."

"Must be a bit of a masochist," he said, trying to joke, trying to brush it off, because it felt like too much and somehow not enough for Draco to see him this way.

"You know the cost of hiding," Draco said softly. "You've experienced the costs of not grieving, of not letting your wounded heart express its ache. It hurts now, yes," he agreed, "but it hurts more to let them remain unclosed, to let them fester, to let bacteria in, to let them split open again and again and again."

He thought about this for a moment, thought about his life, about all of the things that had been asked of him, about how little was given to him in return. When he closed his eyes he could see it, his bruised and battered heart. He could see the way that those wounds cut through the tissue and muscle. And he knew Draco was right. "How'd you get to be so smart?"

Draco hummed and Harry could hear his smile before he opened his eyes to see the pleased way it curved up Draco's mouth. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Always," Harry murmured, stroking his hands up and down Draco's back.

"I went to muggle therapy after the war."

His eyebrows rose in surprise, "Yeah?"

Draco nodded, "And then I was so interested in the way that they heal themselves from the inside that I wanted to learn more about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," he said. "I've taken a couple of classes, to learn more, to understand. For me," he hurried on, "but also for other people."

"You're amazing," Harry said, as genuine and earnest as he'd ever been. "I love you."

Draco's mouth popped open, "sorry?"

"Sorry-"

"You were just asking me if we were friends," he said like Harry had baffled him.

Which seemed fair. And Harry desperately wanted to get up, wanted to apparate to flee, probably would have if Draco hadn't been sitting on him. "I-" he said, heart beating unevenly, too fast, too hard, too loud.

"Hey," he said, nudging Harry's nose with his own.

"I-" he tried again without knowing how to finish that thought.

He kissed the corner of Harry's mouth, "You don't have to hide from me."

"I'm literally under you. There's nowhere to hide," he huffed irritably.

Draco laughed, soft and ringing, "Harry," he murmured. "You can feel what you feel. You don't have to push things down. You don't have to..." he trailed off trying to find the right words.

"Make myself small," Harry whispered for him, filling in the words he was struggling to find, and aching with the hope that it was true.

He hummed, "yes. Yeah," he repeated. "Don't make yourself small for me."

"There's an innuendo there, I'm sure of it."

That comment seemed to startle a laugh out of Draco. "I love you too," he sighed through his laughter. "I have really enjoyed the past eight months."

"Seriously?" Harry asked, laughing as a tendril of bitterness and disbelief wrapped around his heart.

Draco nodded, "I'd be up for seeing where this could go if you are?"

He couldn't stop the smile on his face anymore than he could stop the tears flooding his eyes, overcome by relief, by the sense of love and profound peace in being seen and loved all the same. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, let's see where this goes."

------------------

In the next 5 years, Harry and Draco would change the wizarding world's view of therapy "mind healing" the media would call it, even though Draco insisted it was more a healing of the heart.

Healing became a journey, something that more people took seriously, and at the end of it all, it was Harry's proudest accomplishment. He may have defeated the forces of darkness when he killed Voldemort, but the work he and Draco did restored light to the world.

#listen. i don't know what this is #trauma processing #thanks therapy #drarry #love #soft #healing #talking about trauma #dealing with trauma #trauma #on a soapbox BUT: this is my biggest complaint- when we pretend everything just became fine like magic after voldemort died #adding this one to my projecting on fictional characters series.

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