One day I felt VERY bad and had suicidal thought. So I wrote my thoughts...Intended to have it with Mirabel but finally Bruno seemed more fitting for it. But I didn't wanted to have Bruno killing himself...So I decided to make it a Bruno x reader and make a good ending. Then, I thought it was perfect for day 27!

I don't think I'll ever do that again though, I don't read them because any suicidal topic is triggering for me and this time I just needed to vent my feelings. And any new fic about these feelings would just be an unnecessary repeat. And I prefer writing stories without this kind of topic, this time was really exceptional.

Don't forget me @encantober-official

Encantober day 27: Comfort (suicidal thoughts + suicidal attempt)

Bruno was crying with hot tears. Again, his gift had made his mother apologize to another person, because Bruno was once again overwhelmed by his emotions and gave another bad vision. He should have known better, like Pepa who found a way to avoid making it rain. 

He was on the edge of a window in the second floor, his palms on the windowsill, looking at the outside. His perfect sister Julieta was near a stand of food, using his power to heal a man covered in bruises. Behind him was another man with cacti all over him Bruno was often seeing. His teary eyes grew bigger seeing who was further in the queue, making him want to hide. He couldn't let you see him like that, not now. He didn't want you to ask what was the problem, to make you say meaningless things to him as if you meant them. He knew it would only serve as making him feel better, some sugarcoat lies because it was the right thing to do. 

You smiled at him, making him blush before turning away, embarrassed. You were so pretty and perfect and he was ugly and flawed! You would never want to be with him. Not that it would be in your best interest either, you would be unhappy with him. You deserved someone awesome, not a complete jerk often hurting people.  

He stared far away, watching the world turn without him, thinking how everything was peaceful when he wasn't doing anything. It tells a lot. 

Bruno finally tried climbing on the windowsill, realising doing so he was agile enough to actually be able to sit on it. Watching to be certain nobody was seeing him do so, he was about to jump when two arms on his sides prevented him from falling, like he intended. 

He glanced behind him to see you taking him in his arms, pulling him from his death. You shushed him with some words like "it's okay" or "you can stay in my arms until you feel better". 

He nodded, crying once again in your comforting arms, his heart pounding because of fear, but also because of the love he had for you. His arms mechanically circled you, hoping to enjoy your hug as much as possible. 

The both of you stayed in that position not saying much, no words shared besides the warmth of each other's touch. It felt so good! You were proving again how perfect you were. 

He finally said in a whisper "I love you", which he immediately regretted. You'd probably laugh at him and call him a creep.

Instead however, you replied "I love you too. For a long time."

TW Suicide Attempt

we all talk about him portal chopping an arm off but,,, it would be so easy. so quick

KoFi || Patreon

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

optimistic from now on

"When Ghana’s parliament voted to decriminalise suicide and attempted suicide in March, Prof Joseph Osafo felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

Osafo, head of psychology at the University of Ghana, had been engaged in a near 20-year battle to abolish the law – brought in by the British – which stated that anyone who attempts suicide should face imprisonment or a fine.

“It was a very good feeling. I felt like a certain burden had been removed. I was extremely elated,” he remembers. “Then the next morning, I realised we had a lot of work to do.”

Four countries decriminalised suicide in just the past year

Ghana is one of four countries to have decriminalised suicide in the past year – Malaysia, Guyana and Pakistan are the others. More could soon follow, which campaigners say is a sign of greater awareness and understanding of mental health. Kenya and Uganda have filed petitions to overturn laws and members of the UN group of Small Island Developing States have committed to decriminalise. Discussions are also being held in Nigeria and Bangladesh.

“There seems to be a domino effect taking place,” says Muhammad Ali Hasnain, a barrister from United for Global Mental Health, a group calling for decriminalisation. “As one country decriminalises suicide, others start to follow suit.”

“It is quite unusual,” adds Sarah Kline, the organisation’s chief executive. “It’s a huge sign of progress and an important step forward for the populations most at risk, as well as the countries as a whole.” ...

A large number of laws were introduced by the British during colonial rule. Suicide was decriminalised in England, Wales and Northern Ireland in the 1960s – it was never criminalised in Scotland...

The results of these punishments can be “devastating” and present “a huge barrier” to addressing the problem, says Natalie Drew, a technical officer with the mental health policy and service development team at the World Health Organization. Health experts and advocates argue that suicide should be treated as a public health issue rather than a crime.

Criminalising suicide denies people the right to access health services and discriminates against them because of something they’re experiencing, Drew adds. Research shows that in countries where suicide has been decriminalised, people can seek help for mental health and rates tend to then decline.

Next Steps

In September, the WHO is due to release a guide on decriminalising suicide for policymakers, with explanations of how countries have managed it...

“[Ghana’s decision] should have an impact on the work ongoing in other countries, especially in the Africa region,” says Osafo. Within the past couple of months, he has set up a mental health working group with representatives from about 20 African countries, and one of the biggest issues on the agenda is decriminalisation of suicide, he says. “Nigeria is active, Cameroon is active … Kenya has joined and is doing fantastic work. We have Uganda. People have been asking us how we did it.”

Since suicide was decriminalised in Malaysia last month, Anita Abu Bakar, founder and president of the Mental Illness Awareness and Support Association (Miasa), has already seen things change. Crisis response teams and helplines are expanding, and money from the mental health budget is being given to organisations who work in the community. “This is the shift we’re so happy to see,” she says. “It was such an archaic law.”

She adds: “I’m a person with lived experience. What does decriminalisation mean to people like me? We feel supported, we feel this conversation can go to a different level. Obviously decriminalisation is not the only way to prevent suicide, but it’s a big one. I’m happy for this progressive move – better late than never. I’m excited to see what happens next, not just for Malaysia but for the rest of us.”"

-via The Guardian, July 20, 2023

A Series of Small Offerings

PART ONE -8- The Way That You Were

To tear that knife from what once / Would have been dead fingers

I have. Struggled a lot with this one, but I am glad it is done. I've had this idea rotating in my brain for a month and I have tried starting it at least 3 times both traditionally and digitally before I decided to turn it into a cut out, because I feel the most confortable making cut outs, actually.

HUGE, ENORMOUS shotout to @copper-sands / @ancientbygone for being my hand anatomy expert!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Without it this piece would look way worse <3

Fic Summary:

"Adrien's in the hospital." Woken in the dead of night by a series of frantic phone calls, Marinette finds herself confronted with one of her worst fears. Next thing she knows, she's boarding a bus from New York to Montreal instead of flying home for winter break, contemplating how's she's going to navigate living with Adrien—who definitely wants nothing to do with her since the break up—for the indefinite future. Adrien just wants to find the energy to convince Marinette he's fine—that she can leave. Because having her here hurts too much, and he's better off alone. At least, that's what he tells himself. They're an ocean away from home, stuck together in a one-bedroom apartment, in a city suffocated by snow. The distance between them has never felt so insurmountable. But maybe there's hope after all.

that one interaction with the Hardie Boys

Felix is ​​always ready to help Adrien, but that doesn't mean he does it well (mostly he makes everything worse)

Bonus:

While searching the wreck of the Demeter for more survivors, a camera was found. Though most of the data was corrupted, some clips were salvaged.

Inspired by this post.

.

Continuation of This Post

KoFi || Patreon

I am always losing my mind over this scene from the comic when Nimona is rampaging through the city, killing people and Ballister and Ambrosius have their trillionth Little Argument of the series.

More specifically I'd like to focus on how Nimona has at this point tried to kill Ballister by breathing fire on him and already killed like. Everyone working at the Institution Facility they were at and probably a great many civilians and Ballister says that, if he's able to calm her down, he is going to pretend like it never happened. A testament to the bond and love between them.

But he says this to Ambrosius.

Ambrosius who has been waiting for him to "get over" his betrayal for fifteen years. A ridiculous favor to expect. But imagine how it would feel to have just come off a conversation about how what you did can't ever be forgiven and how things can never return to the way they once were with the person you love. And then they express their willingness to immediately forgive someone else, who did arguably worse, to them and to others, than you did.

It's obviously a different situation. What Nimona did comes off as more of an outburst than a betrayal. But I don't think Ambrosius would see it that way.

And this is the moment he decides to fight Nimona, believing fully that he will be killed. He doesn't care if Ballister gets him the device or agrees to help him because he has no intention to survive. He intends only to keep her occupied long enough to maybe save a few more lives, hoping to buy enough time for someone to maybe figure out how to kill her. He intends to try his best, but I don't think he was arrogant enough to believe he would live. Especially based on the later line, when Ballister insists that he WILL die,

"I've never done anything good in my entire life. Maybe I can't stop her. But I have to at least try."

Ambrosius heard that the person he loved was willing to forgive someone else, but not him. He's already lost the job he sacrificed this relationship for. This is the moment he decides he wants to at least die a hero, the moment he decides to carry out his thinly veiled suicide attempt.

the james somerton apology video is... Not Good.

"there were lots of times that stuff just got put in-" he says. he STILL doesn't get it. it's not just about Not Citing People, it's about taking peoples' livelihoods away from them. it's about stealing other peoples' work for DIRECT, not indirect, financial benefit. YOU ARE SELLING OTHER PEOPLE'S WORDS... words that those people are trying to sell THEMSELVES, just to pay rent.

i hope he seeks help and doesn't harm himself. but his apology is barely even an apology.

likewise his acephobia, misogyny and transphobia are barely acknowledged.

Your sick little head, so brain damaged and lying in that hospital bed.

This art means a lot to me. It isn’t as rendered or polished as my other work, but I want it to look scrappy, messy, and still pretty. If you’d like to just read about the style and story of the art unrelated to myself, feel free to skip this section.

Last week I mentioned being in the hospital and the psych ward, and while I wont give extreme details, it was for an overdose. Recently after getting out I’ve been trying to act like nothing happened and it’s all going to go back to normal, but this is the 3rd time I’ve done it or been on the edge of it. Just last week I had to get rid of two of my cats just after I’d been discharged and that on top of the trauma of the whole situation I’ve just felt strangely empty. Overdoses don’t just come and go like that. The mental effects aside from whatever you took linger and hurt more than anything. “I’m doing better” really just means I’m not about to do it again, but those feelings are still stored somewhere deep inside me. For this specific piece I wanted to describe that feeling and wonder of “How would anyone feel if they found me? What will they do after?”

People don’t talk about Molly nearly as much as I think they should, but it’s understandable given that she has no set substance yet. For that reason I have made my own. The biggest thing I’ve mentioned before—in my Angel Dust headcanon post—is that I believe Molly is the one that found Anthony after he overdosed and called 911. The rest of his family was likely a bit worried, but I don’t think any of them cared as much as she did. Another headcanon of mine is that Anthony and Molly had matching rings with “AN” & “MO” engraved onto them. Molly sold her ring to pay for Anthonys funeral after his passing in the hospital and now wears Anthonys as replacement on her index finger which she eventually takes to heaven with her.

I don’t imagine she was able to visit him very often while he was in a coma but she still did when she could and would talk to him in hopes he could hear her a little bit before he left. It’d take a bit of a tangent but when sinners enter hell, in my mind entering hell takes as long as it did to die. So for Anthony it likely took him a week to a month to die during his coma from complications, and in turn, it took that same amount of time for him to full wake up in hell. Sinners to me are made and formed out of the ground in hell and wake up in a similar location to where they died. Angel Dust would’ve woken up alone in a hospital while his sister was now left alone and Anthony’s body likely already buried by then.

These are reasons why I included forget-me-nots and sweet peas as taped on decals. Their meanings being “Please don’t forget me” and “Goodbye, thank you for a wonderful time.” respectively. I also added the “M” wax seal over one of the sweet peas because I feel that it’s a sentiment that Molly held close to her heart and still does.

Molly’s body is torn from pink paper while Angel’s is blue paper. I intended for these to somewhat be seen as hands, like how the pink paper wraps over the forget-me-not when the blue paper lays beneath it to show Molly’s attempt to hold onto the memory of her brother while Angel is trying to remember his own life yet is unaware of what is happening to his sister now; unaware if she’s alive or not due to his poor keeping of time. Angel is also a scrap of paper glued above Molly’s hands to pretty genuinely symbolise they’re both in different dimensions now and can’t fully be apart of the same without the help of an external force. I also wanted to include more jumping spider elements so I’d like to think the string holding the tears is silk. Jumping spiders leave silk behind incase they fall so they can climb back up and when you put that in the form of a mentality I think Molly would fit into that very well.

I really hope we see more of Molly and I hope she had a good life and can see her brother again. Of course, she is a fictional character, but I can’t imagine the trauma she’s experienced in her life even without my personal headcanons. I love Molly a lot and just from how I personally interpret her she reminds me a lot of my mother.

Hopefully you can enjoy my ramblings and craze about these funny little spiders. 🩷

Fun fact: Futa is *not* the canon system character in MILGRAM!

...Neither is Yuno...

[Text Transcription: "Let's just do it, please smile?"]

...Haruka's not either...

[Text Transcription: "My loneliness was desired"]

...nope, not Shidou either...

Amane isn't canonically a system either, but I definitely understand the people who think she might be or headcanon her as such, especially after "The Purge March".

[Text Transcription 1: "It's the beginning of a most wonderful day"]

[Text Transcription 2: "With pure, unsullied body and soul,"]

No, Kazui's not the canon system either.

[Text Transcription: "All these memories and you Only if I could erase them"]

Where, then...?

Ah, I found him!

Hi Mikoto!

[Text Transcription 1: "It's like what's wrong isn't wrong"]

[Text Transcription 2: "I'm already the fake one"]

...but y'know, it is kinda funny that at least 7/10 of the MILGRAM prisoners have two versions of themselves on screen interacting with each other (I don't remember Muu, Mahiru, or Kotoko having scenes like that, but let me know if I'm wrong, and Kotoko still has Deep Cover coming, too), and yet only one of them is a canon system. Yes, you can explain Haruka and Amane's as self-abuse and dissociation, Futa's, Shidou's, and Kazui's as dissociation, and Yuno as compartmentalizing herself and how she acts around different people, but still.

It's interesting how it's only seemingly portrayed negatively with Mikoto, too, although to be fair, Haruka and Amane both hurt the other versions of themselves in their interactions (Haruka looks down on and pushes and chokes the younger version of himself, and Amane looks down on herself and sends herself into the water), but...still, that feels different from Mikoto's case. Maybe it's because in the cases of 010203050708, we know that the other them they're interacting with is still them, but in Mikoto's case, we don't know that. Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Shidou, Kazui, and Amane's "other selves" aren't treated as evil (or, if they are, it's not to the same extent that we see Mikoto's alter (or alters, if you're one of the people who believes in one of the Trikoto theories out there) treated as evil and inhuman).

Now, I do think that you can argue in good faith that part of why Mikoto's DID gets demonized so hard in MeMe is because Mikoto is slowly coming to the realization that he's a system and has some internalized ableism to deal with regarding that (because internalized ableism isn't uncommon regardless of the disorder involved; it's not true for every system that there's internalized ableism, but it makes sense for Mikoto "I'm just a normal guy; what do you mean I'm a murderer?" Kayano). However, I don't think that completely explains the demonization that Mikoto deals with. We see it with his interactions with Kotoko. That interrogation answer where Shidou says, "Since Mikoto became 'like that,' the smoking group stopped really interacting," shows that Shidou seems to be uncomfortable with Mikoto now that his DID has been outed. The fact that Haruka is the only person who willingly interacted with Mikoto since trial two started (the only other person Mikoto has interacted with is Kotoko, and he was the one who approached her because similar to him, everyone is avoiding the fuck out of Kotoko) shows that most people are avoiding Mikoto. (Granted, Mikoto was kind of an ass to Futa and Amane, and Mahiru was busy not fucking dying, but what about the rest of the group?) In fact, the fact that the characters are treating Mikoto (who, while kind of a jerk, has not physically attacked anyone as far as we know and only fought Kotoko in self-defense) the same way they're treating Kotoko (who literally attacked three people, damaged Futa's eye with her baton, nearly killed Mahiru, attacked Mikoto, and is generally an asshole (/affectionate) and has been an asshole to all but two people in the cast) is telling me that the majority of the cast sees him the same way they see her - threatening and dangerous - and it's likely that he's seen as dangerous mostly because of his DID. Even Haruka, who literally threatened to kill himself, has been checked on by two people - Futa and Muu.

...Does that seem fucked up to anyone else - that the characters seen as "dangerous," and especially Mikoto, who is being treated as a danger mostly because of his DID, are isolated and not being interacted with or checked on by most of the cast (because we all know damn well that Kotoko has not interacted with anyone since trial two started other than to chastize Kazui and tell Mikoto his existence is a crime)?

...I dunno where I'm going with this. I'm just...kinda just dumping my thoughts out and seeing where it goes.

If James Somerton is still alive and it turns out this was some kind of stunt and not an actual attempt, I will be both relieved and very pissed off.