#crying so that I can't be upset over fuckin anything
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#holy fucking shit i am so tired of constantly having someone hovering over me and never having a fucking day off#yeah sure as soon as I finally manage to get some time to myself where I have nothing planned you invite a sick kid over to make me sick#after I just quarantined for a week because I had to go do a thing with someone who ended up exposing me to covid#and it's so fucking exhausting to have to either play babysitter or fucking stay in my room for days at a time#and like genuinely I cannot fucking stand the fact that if I sit and try to do anything someone HAS to be in the same space as me#like I have nowhere to get away from anyone and I just want to be able to exist in my home for 3 days without entertaining people#and then start crying because I'm fucking pissed off that no one seems to care that I want a little bit of space and rest and you're talkin#about bringing a fucking kid over here to stay for every single day off I have#crying so that I can't be upset over fuckin anything#bullshit#it's actually so enraging that everyone seems to think it's my job to babysit their feelings and give a shit about them when all I have bee#asking for for MONTHS is that people stop bringing sickness around me and to have a couple of days off where I can rest#no one can give half a fuck about how I feel or if I'm okay but sure yeah no problem let me backpedal because you're a little upsetti
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Carmy bring upset the first time someone makes bunny cry
bunny is a pretty easy crier, but don't be the one to make those pretty tears fall, or bear will attack!
the first time he sees her cry happens before they start dating. she was supposed to come over and hang that night, but when the clock hits thirty minutes after her usual arrival time, carmen already knows something is wrong.
he's proven right when a knock on his door startles him off the couch. his heart lurches into his chest at the sight of bunny all teary-eyed and hiccuping on her air.
"hey. hey," he pulls her into his apartment, shutting the door without taking his eyes off her. "what's goin' on, what happened?"
carmen silently panics at the blubbers that pour out of her. all that he catches is something about her project partner in one of her courses criticizing her portion of the work so far when he hasn't done any. also something about her father and mother calling within the past hour, which makes both their stomachs turn.
she hasn't talked about her family much. him, either. for good reason.
a quiet shush leaves him as he finally gains the courage to guide bunny into him. he holds her tight with a hand sprawled across her back.
carmen sways back and forth, working to soothe both her and himself from the hot anger that's burning his chest. anger towards the three culprits that have made this sweet, pretty girl so upset that she can't even breathe right.
・゜゜・．
"just tell me his name."
"carmen."
"what?"
bunny stares at carmen from her place snuggled into the corner of his couch. thankfully, she's stopped crying, the evidence of anything being wrong only lying within her stuffy nose and puffy eyes.
"it doesn't even matter anymore–"
"yeah, it does," carmen interrupts bunny, turning to look at her from the other side of the couch. "dickhead made you cry, that's not fuckin' cool."
his gaze turns back to the television that he's too angry to watch. a frown has settled onto his face. it's been there since bunny went to blow her nose.
"all i need's a name..."
really. that's all he needs for him and richie to handle it. and if that doesn't work, there's always uncle jimmy.
the bunny and the bear au || bunny!reader and bear thoughts? <3
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trailer park!jj and reader play fighting in bed but he gets too rough and ends up having to baby her bc she got hurt and he forgot she’s just a ‘little girl’ and can’t be played around with like that
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺˚ ༘ ౨ৎ⋆｡˚✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺˚ ༘ ౨���⋆｡˚✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺˚ ༘ ౨ৎ⋆｡˚✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺˚ ༘ ౨ৎ⋆
it started fun, jj's calloused fingers poked and prodded at your ticklish sides until you were gasping for air, kicking your legs that he easily caught in his arms. you were a mess of limbs, striking and grasping, he had you pinned more times than you could count but you wiggled away each time.
however, things shifted, an accidental slap to his face escalated. now you were biting and scratching at each other, his teeth locked on your neck while you whimpered, "get off...papa stop it hurts, get off!" your flailing arm smacked at his shoulder but he hit you back with a loud crack and everything stopped.
it was an accident really, sometimes jj doesn't know his own strength and he forgets how much bigger he is than you. for a few seconds he was completely still and you could hear a pin drop--then you started to sniffle. quickly, he lifted his face from your neck to look at your crumpled face, you were holding a hand to your reddened cheek trying your best to hold back tears.
"oh shit, sweet pea i'm sorry you know i didn't mean that." he wraps you up in his arms, sitting against the wall and kissing the stinging skin as you hiccuped out a cry, "sometimes i forget i can't play like that with you, you're just a little girl i shouldn't be fuckin around like that."
all you do is gasp out, "that really hurt."
"i know, i know, i'm an asshole. can't be doin my pretty girl like that, lemme see it." he eases your palm away from your cheek to observe the damage--there was no bruising, just a little red from impact, your eye watering a little and he can tell it was the shock of it more than anything.
he kisses the inflamed skin over and over, murmuring apologies until your breathing evened out. he felt like shit, of course he did. a little friendly fire was fine but this? no, he never wanted to see you cry because he put his hands on you, even as an accident.
"you know i'm really sorry sugar, we was just having fun, shouldn't have ended up like this."
"it's okay." you sound so small his heart aches.
"nah it's not, i may not be the best but i'd never put my hands on you like that, and god forbid if i ever do you just walk out that door and never come back."
that seems to upset you even more, you cling to him harder and whisper, "i don't wanna leave."
that's what he was afraid of.
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"i love you so fuckin' much"
jealous perv!bestfriend!eddie my beloved <3
pairing: eddie munson x female reader
warnings: smut, 18+, eddie is a jealous perv, slapping, dirty talk, friends to lovers, pet names, no use of y/n, the use of 'whore' and 'slut' to describe reader, lightly proofread but i put my whole pussy into this, cheating but this is fictional and sexy so don't get your panties in a twist ily
i think bestfriend!eddie would loose his mind with jealousy if you got a serious boyfriend. sure, he had hookups and dated a few girls. but the moment you announce you're in a serious relationship, eddie feels like you've dropped a fucking bomb on him.
eddie munson was nothing if not clever. his way of keeping you close to his side, no matter who you were dating, was extraordinary. you've dated your fair share of people, that was true, but when Eddie saw how serious you were about this new guy...something in him snapped. so when you come to his house one night to hang out to watch horror flicks and smoke, eddie can't help but make you question your loyalty to 'what's-his-face...' that's what he referred to him as anyways.
"i mean, i think things could actually be serious between me and him...i can feel it, you know what I mean? has anyone ever made you feel like that," you question eddie,
eddie exhales a puff of smoke on your face and laughs off the question, "what? no fucking way, princess, I'm not really the serious type," eddie admitted. and he was sort of telling the truth, he wasn't willing to be serious with anyone else...if it wasn't you.
"oh, I just thought maybe we could leave hawkins together, me and him. someday, I don't know, maybe i'm being silly," you lean back on the couch cushion and sigh.
he'd scoff at you, "no fucking way, you're joking right," leaning back on his couch. his arm slung over the middle cushion where you sat, not physically able to look him in the eye at the moment. he felt betrayed, you wanted to leave hawkins? without him?
you didn't realize you forgot to answer his question until he yanks on your pony tail to get your attention, "ow, what the hell was that for," you pout at him. why is he being so mean to you right now? you've never seen him this bothered over anything, eddie's eyes were vacant as he trained them on you. you tried staring him down, your pout and teary eyes gave him a sick satisfaction. he wasn't proud of it, but seeing you this upset when he was mad at you made his dick twitch in his tight jeans. i'm going to hell, eddie thinks.
"don't cry on my account, sweetheart. oh and let me guess, your bastard boyfriend doesn't want you hanging out with me anymore," he raises an eyebrow at you. you look down to fiddle with your hands, he had hit the nail on the head with that one. he hated that he was right. "oh my god," eddie laughed in disbelief, smug and cruel, the smile on his face anything but friendly, "that's why you came over here, to tell me we can't hangout anymore? huh? is that it, princess?" he couldn't believe what he was hearing, you had a boyfriend so now he had to disappear from your life. it wasn't fair.
"do you think this is easy on me, i'm trying to find a way for you both to be in my life without hating each other." couldn't he see that you were trying? all he could see is that you needed a harsh reality check.
"fat fucking chance at that, i haven't even met him and i can't stand that prick," eddie's temper flared and heat enveloped his pale cheeks, exhaling smoke through his nose before snuffing his cigarette out like he was mad at it. truth be told he was imagining it was your boyfriend's head he was smothering to ashes.
"just forget i said anything, let's just enjoy this," you cup eddie's knee with your palm and give it a little reassuring squeeze, as if this wasn't the last time you planned to hangout with him because of some controlling boyfriend, some stranger that was going to take you away from him.
eddie sighed and said nothing as he disappeared into the next room, you didn't have any idea as to what he was doing in there until you hear the familiar rattle of his 'lunchbox.' you smiled to yourself, maybe this friendship didn't have to end badly after all.
~
thirty minutes later you two were giggling and talking like nothing life altering just happened. but the topic was of course bound to come up again, how could it not?
"now be honest, are you sure about this guy? he sounds like a total dick, honey," eddie sounded genuinely concerned, but more lighthearted than before which calmed you as much as the weed did.
you bursted out in laughter, unable to control the giddiness, "you said 'dick-honey,'" you laughed and you laughed until your stomach hurt and you fell back on the arm of the couch clutching your tummy.
"hey, what's so funny," eddie leans over you, hovering with his hands caging you into the couch. suddenly you were aware of how close his hands were to your waist, and aware of how delicious he smelled. and how his eyes scanned you face, taking you all in.
"you smell really good," you admit aloud, bubbly and high, Eddie loved when you were like this. all anxiety forgotten, the full body high taking over your system, it was just you and him. no talk of your stupid boyfriend, just two best friends with lethal amounts of chemistry between you. what could go wrong?
eddie hovered above you, wedging himself between your legs until his knee was nudging your clothed pussy. your skirt hiked up exposing your frilly underwear, a small gasp leaving you when eddie looked down to get a better look at your pretty underwear that he thought suited you perfectly.
"nice panties," eddie's voice was low, flirty even. he'd be lying if he said he never got horny when the two of you got high together, almost every time actually. if he only knew how long the feelings had been mutual for all these years.
you try to smooth your skirt to cover yourself but eddie haults your movement with a, "wait, i need a better look at these. haven't seen them before," he looks entranced, unable to tear his eyes away from your lower half. he's scared that if he looks up at your face he'll loose all of his courage and back off. he doesn't want to scare you off, but he also doesn't want to stop.
the words 'haven't seen these before' definitely threw you for a loop, "huh, what do you mean you haven't seen these before? have you been going through my laundry, eddie?"
"no, you wear these cute little skirts all the time. and you're always dropping shit, bending over, driving me crazy," eddie finally looks up at you, "you torture me." he rocks his knee into you and to his surprise you grind yourself back on him, he lets out an incredulous laugh, thinking about how he should've done this ages ago.
'driving me crazy'
'you torture me'
you were giggling in eddies face, looking up at him adoringly and overwhelmed with weed fueled lust he could see it in your eyes. and well, he couldn't help himself if he tried, in a swift motion eddie crashes his lips onto yours, a searing hot kiss that overtook both of your minds. you forgot you were dating someone, forgot about anything other than eddie munson, your best friend who you've always seen as cute, finally kissed you. in the very back of your mind, a little voice in your head was telling you how wrong this was.
"wait, we can't do this," you say pulling back from the kiss, even though you didn't want to, you knew that was the right thing to do. you had to stop before this went any further.
with his right hand holding your face tightly, "why not," eddie's dark eyes bore into yours, the tone of his voice was somewhat annoyed which struck you. eddie's mouth ghosted over yours, "i think we both need this, don't you? your boyfriend couldn't fuck you like I could, i think you know that deep down."
how long has he felt like this about you? he'd never say.
all you could do was let out a small whimper, an overwhelming need to have his hands all over your body enveloped you. you could cut the tension in that room with a knife.
"what was that," eddie mocked you, "i didn't catch that."
you groaned and covered your face with your hands, a poor attempt at hiding the blush on your cheeks. eddie quickly tore your hands away from your face, "use your words, i don't speak brat."
he wanted you to use your words and you did, you said the first words that came to mind, "i want you," it was a small plea. you felt silly, the living room was just full of laughter a few minutes ago and now it was a whole other atmosphere. tense, raw, completely uncharted territory between you and eddie. it was like something had been boiling on the stove for ages at a low simmer, but someone cranked it up to 10 and now it was all boiling over the sides in a hot rush.
eddie laughed, sadistic and proud, he's been waiting for this moment for a long time. "what would your boyfriend say if he saw you right now? i bet he'd call you a slut," eddie smirked down at you and then the tears started again, but this time you couldn't hold them in.
"oh stop crying, i still haven't gotten a chance to meet your new panties," eddie played with the material, snapping the side to your waist and laughing when you yelped. "you're so cute," eddie hooked his arms around your thighs and ran his thumb in small circles on your clit, adding pressure until he heard you moan his name.
"eddie please, i need you," you've never heard yourself this needy before, but you've also never been this turned on before.
"you got me, i'm here," eddie spoke without a mocking tone this time, reminding you he wanted you just as bad as you wanted him. once he's taken your underwear off (in record time by the way, he's never been this turned on either) your legs are on his shoulders and he's licking your arousal. his tongue quickly finding it's way to your slit, pumping in and out, his middle and pointer finger working your clit in fast circles you thought you could dissolve right then and there. and what a way to go this would be, it would be like heaven to dissolve with him.
replacing his tongue with his fingers eddie pumps his middle and pointer fingers in and out of you until you're squeezing him, curling his fingers and hitting that special place over and over again. the pleasure building in your stomach is sinful and it builds more when eddie starts to suck on your clit, looking up at you with a devilish look. if eyes could smirk, his were doing just that. the satisfaction of knowing you wanted him so bad that you begged, and you moaned his name so beautifully, it was all going to his head(s). eddie was just as turned on as you, he moaned with his mouth to you, the man was practically making out with your pussy and getting a rise out of it.
you gently tug at eddie's hair as if to say, 'please come up for air before you drown.'
eddie smirks and crawls up to you, brushes your hair out of your face, and says, "i'm keeping these panties by the way," and kisses your lips softly swinging the cotton material over you like a pendulum before stuffing it in his back pocket.
you roll your eyes, "fine but i'm keeping THIS," you say grabbing his bandanna and stuffing it in your bra.
"i'm not above a good pat down, babe," eddie makes a show of taking his jacket off and rolling up the sleeves of his sweater, cracking his knuckles and the whole bit before giving you a full body pat down starting with your tits. "hm, left tit seems to be full of contraband. subject appears to be a foxy thief, noted," eddie talks aloud to himself throughout the whole process, you cant stop laughing, at the end of it you laugh so hard you're crying again. but this time they're happy tears.
once the full body pat down is done eddie makes his way back up to your chest and pulls the handkerchief out with his teeth. "are you aware what this'll cost you," eddie says, only half joking, it will cost you.
"oh no, i'm so scared. i'm sorry i'll do anything, just let me go," you pretend to be under distress. eddie gets a kick out of your acting and it only revvs him up more.
"oh yeah? you'll do anything i want?" eddie's eyebrows raise and his mouth quirks up in a knowing look. you nod your head sheepishly, he moves to tie your wrists together above your head.
you gasp when eddie starts unbuttoning your shirt, it's like every time you feel his breath fan your skin your chills double. talk about senses on fire, you were in the volcano, your cheeks hot and blushed. eddie took his time with you, enjoying every second of this because he didn't know if it would happen again.
eddie takes everything off but your skirt and socks, you nudge his thigh with your foot, "your turn...take em' off show me what you're working with."
eddie laughs and shakes his head shrugging off his jacket and tossing it to the carpet, he's so fucking in love with you it's crazy. you wish you could take his shirt off for him, you're dying to touch him, "let me take off your shirt, please?" cue the big puppy eyes eddie used to never be able to resist, but now that's half the fun, teasing you, working you up and getting you hot. it didn't take long for him to figure out what you liked and what you didn't like.
the truth was you liked everything he did, fuck, you might be in love with him too.
"no, only good girls get to undress me," eddie teases, taking his shirt off and rolling his shoulders a few times before he's holding your face and rubbing his thumb over your cheek. "aw," he pouts, mocking you, "is someone upset?"
you answer him with a scowl and he laughs and slaps your cheek lightly, "you act like a bad girl...you get treated like one," eddie lands another smack to your face but this time it stings...and you love it. he kisses the same cheeks he smacked and soothes his thumb over it again, sweetly this time.
"now," eddie leans back on his knees and starts undoing his belt, his eyes not leaving yours for a second. you think you might die when he unzips himself, "i'm really pent up and you're a brat that drives me crazy, look how hard you made me." eddie palms himself through his jeans, you're seconds away from drooling if he doesn't start touching you again. "do you wanna feel it?" eddie moans when you nod your head yes, "ok, fine i'll untie you. if you'll behave..."
"mhm, i'll behave, i promise. i'll be good," your face lights up when eddie unties your wrists and directs your hand to his cock.
eddie groans, "fuck- you'll be good for me, won't you, babydoll?" eddie pulls down his pants and boxers all in one go, his cock on full display but he can't keep his eyes off you lips. he swears his cock twitches every time you lick your lips at the thought of tasting him.
"i'll be so good for you," you say, one hand pumping his cock and the other on his face, he's whimpering into your mouth as your tongues meet.
"fuck, you're really good at that," eddie rubs his cock up and down your pussy, "mm," eddie speaks between kisses, your hands are holding his waist, encouraging him to sink into you. and when he does, the both of you gasp into each other's mouths, "you're sucha little slut, baby. aren't you?"
"mhm, for you i am," your voice is soft and gentle in his ear. and while he thinks he could bust at any second, eddie knows better and keeps going, relishing this moment.
"you like being my little whore, don't you. dirty girl," eddie sucks on your neck, his tongue licking a stripe up your neck and leaving hickies there, he blows on it and you have chills all over again. you let out a little 'ah' sound at this and eddie thinks he could get used to this.
"i don't like it, i love it," your voice is breathy and sounds so pornographic you almost scare yourself.
"you love it, baby? you love me?" eddie's holding your cheeks again and kissing you sweetly and when your eyes meet you've never seen someone look at you like that before, like they were in love.
that's when it hits you, "i love you so fuckin' much, no one else, just you."
eddie thinks he died and gone to heaven when he replies, "i love you too, i love you so fuckin' much, baby," and comes inside of you when the last word leaves his mouth.
you spend the rest of the night holding each other and talking, then laying in silence, when eddie thinks you've gone to sleep he whispers "i love you," one more time because he loves saying it as much as he loves you.
eddie forgot you talk in your sleep when you reply, "i love you, eddie," his heart almost leaps out of his chest and he swears he's never been happier.
#eddie x female reader#eddie munson x yn#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson blurb#perv!eddie#perv!eddie munson#jealous!eddie munson#jealous!eddie#eddie munson x female reader
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i need quackity rejection angst, like imagine a read asking alex out and he said no and she has to see him everyday and or stream with him often
Thanks for the request!
Quackity Imagine: 'Cause only love can hurt like this.
You and Alex were friends, you went to events together, you streamed together... He was so easy to like, you know?! Like, a gentleman with you and everyone around you, and it made you like him. It made you fantasise for nights your days with him being yours.
After a long talk with Tina, Cellbit and Foolish, you decided to ask him out. They said he'd accept, and to be honest, you thought he'd to.
It was a rainy day when you went to his house to stream, and before the stream, you decided to ask. "Are you okay? You seem to be a little nervous today." Alex says to you. It was one of the reasons why you felt in love with him: he used to notice you.
"Yeah, uhm.. Alex, can I ask you somethin'?!" You say and he nods, stopping what he's doing to look at you. "I.. Do you want to go on a date with me?!" You ask, and Alex is looking at you a little bit shocked, the boy closes his eyes and sighs. "Shit." He whispers, opening his eyes again and facing you. "Look, Y/N... I, I'm sorry, I don't see you like this, okay?!" He says, and you feel your cheeks burn in embarrassment and sadness. With all your friends saying that Alex seemed to like you, you started to believe, and now your heart was in pieces and you couldn't even go home to cry. You had to stream with him.
"Yeah, I.. Where was I with my head to think you'd like me, anyway?!" You try to joke around, but your laugh is almost a sob and your voice trembles with the pain of the rejection.
"Hey, I... I'm sorry, Y/N. I'll give you five minutes to open the stream, okay?!" He says and leaves. Great. You can't help yourself but cry, tryin' not to sob, trying not to make any noises, tryin' not to let all the pain out of your chest because if you do, you won't stop cryin' easily. "Are you better?!" Alex appears after five minutes and you get a little angry with his insensibility. "Yes." You say, sitting on the fuckin' chair in front of his computer. "Let's do this live, please. I just want to leave." You say, Alex sits next to you, a little upset, you can read it in his face. It's all over his beautiful fuckin' face. "I hope this doesn't stay between us like this." He says and you look at him. "At least on live." He says. It's unbelievable. How can he be such a dick?!
"I..." You start, but you don't even finish it. You're so fuckin' sad, Alex rejected you and now he's being so insensible with your feelings. "Let's do it." He says when he sees you won't say anything. You stare him with a "I can't believe in you" face and keep staring when he smiles to the camera, starting to say "Hi" to chat. "Hiii, chat! How's everyone doing?!?"
Alex touches your thigh to "wake you up" and smile to you, you look at the camera with a forced smile on your face. "Hi, chat!" You don't even recognise your own voice anymore. "I'm here today with Y/N and we'll play games we used to play in our childhood!" He says. "Are you excited, Y/N?!" He asks you. "Yes." You say, not even tryin' to hide your disappointment with Alex's reaction to all that.
The live was a nightmare, of course that your both fans noticed you were sad. That you weren't in conditions to stream, that you and Alex... At the end of the live, your name and his was on trending topics of Twitter and your phone was full of messages of Cellbit, Tina, Foolish and even Bagi and Philza. "Thank you for the effort." You hear Alex's ironic voice. He's full of poison to attack you right now. "Our names are on trending topics of Twitter because you can't even fake a laugh."
"I just asked you out because I fuckin' love you and you rejected me, Alex! Do you want me to be happy?! Or to be able to fake a laugh?! Sorry, I'm not a fuckin' psycho." You get up from your chair, tears blur your vision as you walk away from his office. "It's not the end of the world, Y/N!"
"What part of 'I love you' you didn't understand, Alex?!" You turn around to face him, Alex stops in front of you. "You're such a dick, dude."
"Just because I said 'no' to your invitation?! Of a date?!" He asks. "No, Alex! Because of your insensibility! All you did was dehumanise me since I asked you out!"
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do, Y/N! Do you want me to hug you?! To say 'you'll find someone that loves you back, princess!'?!" He almost yells at you. "You should've done it, you should've cancelled the fuckin' stream, you should've talked to me about it!"
"Well, I'm sorry I didn't do it! I just felt suffocated with the fact my friend wants to have a date with me." He says and you roll your eyes. "How old are you?! Six?!"
"Fuck you, Y/N." He says, upset. "Fuck you, Alex. I can't believe it!" You start to sob and sit on the sofa. For some reason, you still think Alex will come to hug you, you still want him to. You still think he'll whisper "it's okay" in your ear as he consoles you for the damage he caused on you. It might be tragic, but it's better than listen to him grabbing your belongings and putting it on your bag. You get up and wipe your tears away, Alex gives you your bag and you look at him. "I see you tomorrow for the next stream?!" He asks, and the desire of punching him on the face only grows.
"No, Alex. I won't be streaming with you anymore, or being friends with you." You whisper, Alex seems to be confused and sad for the first time in this situation. "And... What? I..."
"Can I leave?! You wanted me to, anyway." You ask. "Wait, what about our streams?! What about QSMP?! And our lore?!" He asks. "Are you really worrying about that, Alex?!" You ask. It's unbelievable. "I'm out of QSMP and you can do your lives and lores by yourself!"
"No, but that's what defines our friendship! I don't want to stop being friends with you, Y/N!" He says. "Can I leave?!" You ask, upset. "Sure." Alex whispers and opens the door for you. You leave his apartment without even turning around to look at him, you hear the boy slam the door and a couple of tears fall from your eyes.
You couldn't believe, your heart was broken because of Alex. You thought that, at least, he'd be nice with you, but not even that, you know?! He sent you a lot of messages, but you decided to block him, unfollow him on social media and not even speak about him on live.
You felt in love with the wrong person. Alex could never love you the way you loved him.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the writing! :)
Requests are open!
#quackity#qsmp#qsmp brazil#quackity imagines#qsmp brasil#quackity x reader#alex quackity#quackity imagine#quackity x y/n#quackity x you#quackity headcannons#quackity fluff#quackity angst#quackity fanfic
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NSFW Ghost Ramblings - MDNI, AGELESS BLOGS DNI
(This is Teeth Pt. 2) [Masterlist]
Simon still has your jaw in his hand, the pad of his thumb pressed down on your tongue so your mouth stays open while he assesses his work one final time. You're trying not to squirm, breath coming in short puffs, cheeks hot as all get-out. If he notices how worked up you are, he certainly doesn't make any indicator of it.
Moments later, however, when your thighs twitch around his waist, he pulls his thumb away and glances down to where your legs dangle off the counter. He lifts a brow beneath the mask, looking back up to you.
"Need somethin'?"
You avoid his gaze, embarrassment swiftly ridding your mind of any excuse you might've had prepared. He's not fond of the silence, but doesn't say anything else. You begin to think you've upset him, but any worries are soon replaced with the feeling of his fingers pulling at your waistband and renewed warmth blooming in your gut.
You raise your hips just enough for him to get your fatigue pants and underwear about halfway down your thighs, obedient despite the inklings of shame experienced seconds ago. He pushes you back to lay down on the cramped space between the sinks, holding your legs up over his head as he kneels down in front of you.
"Always denyin' yourself the things you want," he grunts, and you keen when his breath fans over your entrance. He probes at it with his tongue, only holding you in place tighter when you writhe in response. "'S not healthy."
When Simon does finally push inside, you loose a high whine, hips jerking weakly against his face. He groans, pulling off to slip a finger into you instead, earning panted whimpers with each thrust in and out.
"Look at you," he coos. "So fuckin' sensitive. When was the last time you took care of yourself?"
You can't answer. You're too busy trying to grind back onto his hand, aching for deeper penetration.
"Hnn, please," you rasp. "Wanna cum, want- Fuck, mm- More-"
He just tuts and pushes a second digit in, kissing around the tight ring of muscle.
"Poor thing, begging so sweetly," he hums in response, driving his fingers in deeper until his palm is flush with the front of your sex. "Close already?"
The way your back arches is all the confirmation he needs. Satisfaction tugs his lips into a smile.
"Go on then, sweetheart. Be good and take what ya need."
Heat crashes over you so hard that you barely even cry out, choking out a few lilted mewls while the world goes white. Simon continues to stimulate you through your orgasm, but you miss most of it, far too lost in the way your every nerve is alight.
His fingers withdrawing grounds you somewhat, but you're spent beyond belief. Legs limp in his grasp, no longer being held up as he eases them down. Breaths shuddered and soft..
"Look just about ready to fall asleep on me," he comments with a chuckle, stroking your cheek with his free hand. "You alright, love?
You offer a nod, and he smiles.
"Good then. Just let me get ya cleaned up, an' we'll be off to bed." He reaches over you, but you don't watch the movement, already shutting your eyes. "Can go to sleep now if you feel like it. I'll carry ya."
Yeah.. You think you'll do just that.
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Holyyyy shit that was way longer than I expected it be!! Hope y'all enjoyed, though! Sorry for any typos and whatnot I generally don't proofread little one-shots like this. o7
Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or to use with AI technologies.
Taglist: @almightywdm @catlalice @a66-1
#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#cod ghost#simon ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#simon ghost x you#simon ghost smut#call of duty#cod#gender neutral reader#afab reader#amab reader#oneshot#drabble#ramblings#ao3 writer#writers on tumblr#writing#modern warefare ii#cod x reader#18+ mdni#proship dni#anti proship
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Horrible Hormones
AN: He's just so adorable and I know he loves when his wife is pregnant so he can help take care of her.
One thing that is the worst about pregnancy is crying nonstop, no matter how hard you've tried to pull yourself during silly crying sessions; you just can't seem to stop the stream of tears. Every slight inconvenience is a big deal to you, the hormones are too much for you to bare and everyone around you is walking on eggshells. Not that they would ever say anything about being cautious; knowing well and good you'd break down in tears at the thought of burdening your friends.
Dominik though can't stand to see you upset; he knows you are crying over small things. Small insufficient things in your life that are bothering you to end.
You can't do anything it seems, lifting your arms above your head to brush your extremely tangled hair made you out of breath and frustrated to the point of tears. You feel so huge, your big pregnant stomach restraining you from bending over and getting up without discomfort. All you want to do is pull your hair out and scream; you are stuck in the house not able to do anything. While everyone else is enjoying their life and working.
Of course, you're not actually upset about having a baby with Dominik. He is so perfect and never makes fun of you for crying; he even rubs your swollen ankles and makes a routine of breakfast every morning. Dominik was made to take care of people, he wouldn't trade it for the world. You on the other hand? It's hard to take care of yourself when everything is irritating you beyond your limits.
You try and rake the brush through your hair one more time but again it snags painfully, pulling the hair from your scalp and making you slam the brush onto the table. The moment the brush is sat down, tears gloss over your eyes and you sob for the third time that morning. These hormones may be your end. Dominik walks out of the kitchen in a hurry at the loud slam and your quiet sobs.
Again he can't stand to see you crying or frustrated. Even when you're mad at him it takes Dominik 10 minutes before he's asking you to forgive him. Coming to your aid was not something Dominik was new to.
“What. What’s wrong?”, Dominik is beside you in a flash, he grabbed ahold of your hand; his body turned towards you on the couch. You can barely hold yourself together, your throat feels tight and you hiccup through sobs; wiping your face after every tear. Dominik is looking at you with such concern, waiting patiently for you to talk to him after seeing you cry for the 3rd time that day.
“I can’t- ughh, just this stupid fuckin brush”, you grovel out; pulling your hands away and tugging at your hair frustrated. Dominik grabs your wrists pulling your hands away from your hair, “Stop stop stop, calma mami”, he grabs the hairbrush off the table, insisting you let him do it for you.
Dominik's fingers thread through your hair softly, just barely brushing through the ends of your hair so the brush doesn't snag. You audibly sigh at the feeling of Dominik's hands in your hair, the brush is running through your hair with no pull now; nothing left to make you upset. The sweet simple notion makes your heart swoon for him all over again.
Dominik has never once left you when you were uncomfortable; this instance was just one of the times he's come to take care of his pregnant wife. Just minutes before he remade the sunny-side-up egg that you cried over and made it into scrambled eggs. And before that? He laid in bed with you; kissing the expanse of your swollen stomach, only to wipe your happy tears away with his lips kissing along your face.
#dominik mysterio#dominik mysterio fanfiction#dominik mysterio fluff#dominik mysterio x reader#dominik my bbg#dominik mysterio x you#wwe#dom dom
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i am mad at this tiktok trend of video essay recommendations, and not just because i have a very very intense special interest in video essays and youtube commentary. -___- guyssss, a video essay does not have to be scary or unsettling to be a GOOD video essay. all of yalls reccs are like, 20-something minute videos about "gadagoobies left toe: a creepypasta turned real" and tbh thats like, a sphere of video 'essay'. imma say it, and imma be a lil time-elitist here, but 20 minutes is a video, not a video essay. if youve chosen a topic, and said topic cannot fill more than like half an hour, consider me unimpressed in either your research skills or topic choice. not to mention, again, horror internet video essays are like fuckin, 1/10th of the video essays out there. show me breadtube video essays, movie video essays, whatever the hell Jenny Nicholson is doing, Ro Ramdin, Contrapoints??
do yall want me to show you my spreadsheet O___O ill show u my fuckin spreadsheet, theres so much more out there besides your half furry sprites talking about internet horror from 2011 for 23 minutes.
my reccs? literally anything by Ladyknightthebrave. she has very very in depth and emotional video essays about media, including a big focus on holocaust media as she is Jewish. her Jojo Rabbit/The Book Thief video makes me cry EVERY time, and i cry like ten times a year. ough, she has a video about Cowboy Bebop that focuses SO MUCH on the music! A video essay about a bad holocaust movie where she literally interviews holocaust expertsss! Her video on MASH made me go watch the whole thing, same with Stargate. and gods, her video about Fleabag blew me away. just pleeease go check ANY of her videos out.
Jenny Nicholson. you want random? she's got it. she has a video where she reviews every single Land of Time movie, and theres a LOT of those. She deep dives into the brony fandom. etc etc. i know she's popular but still, theres a reason for that.
Contrapoints. absolutely gorgeous video making about politics, self, etc. and she's queer as hell, amazing. I just can't describe the depth she puts into her videos.
FDSignifier. a huge part of breadtube (or leftist youtube) who makes a lottt of excellent video essays on black masculinity. Big, full videos, with a good perspective to see if you are a white viewer.
CJ the X just has a ton of excellent video essays as well. They are very intellectual.
Ro Ramdin, my gods, most of her videos are not what i would call video essays, but she tows the line. Emotional, funny, to the point, amazingly shot, and compassionate to the bone.
i probably have more but here's my point, branch out, dont put non-horror video essays down. we get it, you watch gore on liveleak and draw ur edgy fursona with scars all over them. (was that harsh? sorry, just uhhh please consider perspective and the culture of creepypasta/horror online being a cesspool of self harm via forcing ones self to watch upsetting things)
#mushroom screams#rant#special interest#autism#yep this is the autism#video essay#ladyknightthebrave#ro ramdin#contrapoints
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hi, I hope you're doing fine and are safe/healthy. I don't know if you're accepting requests as of the moment and if mine is acceptable, but can I ask for bonten's son that's being neglected by the babysitter or something because they're confident that those scary dads won't ever know since they've been the babysitter for a long time now and nothing happened to them? like, they became so confident now that they forgot the dads literally run a criminal organization :D the cliché type of thing. I've just been searching for protective dads (for fluffs) and I can't find any :') if you are uncomfortable with this though, please ignore it. thank you!
but if you ever consider this, please take your time. there's no need to rush, thanks!
It's time bitches
Y'all don't even know
You don't EVEN KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING
WARNING: CHILD NEGLECT AND KIND OF ABUSE, BONTEN PROTECTIVE AS HELL, SWEARING
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
(Nanny) has been in charge of watching (name) since he was around ten months old and over the past year they became cocky as hell and genuinely believed they were untouchable because they were the Bonten nanny.
Because of this cocky attitude they thought they could get away with neglecting little (name) without any of them knowing.
(Name) began missing meals as the nanny chatted away on the phone "yeah, I'm like super important in Bonten so I'm practically untouchable" they boasted while (name) sat hungry and upset while sitting in a dirty diaper.
"Yeah, the little brat learned not to cry about "I want a cookie" or "I want daddy" he's Such a brat"
(Name) was incredibly hungry and uncomfortable at this point, literally he would be down to eat anything and decided that he would go and find food.
Waddling into the expensive buildings halls, the nanny not keeping the baby gates up because they found the gates to keep (name) from getting into things he shouldn't annoying and inconveniencing to them, not to mention not keeping the special baby door locks locked.
(Name) wandered down the hall in search for food and hopefully someone to change his diaper because he was very itchy and upset about it.
"(Name)? What the hell are you doing out here?" Rindō said incredulously as the Bonten men stepped through the elevator, what was their son doing up at ten o'clock at night in the hallway to the penthouse "papa..." (Name) said upset as he held his arms up to be lifted "come here-- whoa why is your diaper so fucking full?!"
(Name) was teary eyed as he noticed papa no.1 aka Mikey eating Taiyaki and reached out to it desperately as his belly rumbled "have you not eaten?!"
At this point the Bonten dad's were livid, their poor baby was starving and waddling with a full diaper in the halls of the building.
"I'm gonna kill that fuckin' nanny" Sanzu seethed as the group stomped to the penthouse where the nanny was chatting away and even eating the snacks they bought FOR (NAME).
"The fuck is this? You let our kid wander outside with a full diaper and eat the snacks we got for him and just talk away on the phone?" Kakucho seethed as Mikey looked to ran "take care of (name), were gonna have a 'talk' with (nanny) about child care" he said seriously and Ran nodded and brought (name) to the tots bedroom "let's see here...whoa!" Ran was blown back by the awful smell and cleaned up the boy "let's get you some rash cream bud" ran said inspecting the red rash the boy sported due to the nanny not changing him enough "that probably feels loads better yeah?"
"Papa..." (Name) said blearily "well thank goodness we keep snacks in your playroom right?"
"Berry?"
"I think the housekeeper restocked your strawberries yes"
Ran didn't bother changing his son, letting him chill in his diaper as they sat on the soft foam mat, ran taking a juice box and a container of fresh sliced strawberries from that morning and the boy practically gobbled them down and periodically halted to take sips from his juice as he leaned into his dad's lap and stomach, his belly filling up "that better bud?"
"How is he?" Koko asked as he walked into the playroom, little (name) gobbling his strawberries and ran handed the boy some crackers to help fill his belly "he's got a really bad diaper rash and he's starving, oi (name)! Slow down bud"
"The nanny has been brought to the other location to be handled, don't worry (name) we will find you a suitable nanny" Koko promised his son who had strawberry all over his face "t-they no good" (name) mumbled before inevitably pushing away the berries now full "now let's get you to bed, if I remember correctly Papa Sanzu promised you a bedtime story" it was a promise Sanzu made because he ate all of (name)s jelly snacks while high.
And (name) was keeping him to that "story!" (Name) said excitedly and when they walked back into the luxury livingroom the nanny was gone and Rindō was tidying up some mess "Sanzu, you're in for strory time"
"Shit... Well let's get this story done (name)" Sanzu said taking the kid and leaving the other seven "so what are we doing until we find another nanny?"
"We will be in rotation, one of us will stay with (name) and we will trade shifts and such until then" Mikey said simply as he ate his snacks "tomorrow though were taking him to the doctor to make sure he's alright, god knows how long the nanny did this to him"
#tokyo revengers x male reader#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers fluff#bonten x reader#bonten x male reader
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my inbox got *so* quiet the last couple days but then I noticed something interesting.
almost everything was about sam or lestat again
then look at how virginia is posting now
and this
this side has always needed to pretend this is about something else so they don't have to talk about fandom racism. some of the asks I got might have been real but the timing of this feels sus. trying to get me to talk shit about sam but when I didn't post anything for days u decided to get the gossip rolling urself? that's what this is lol. faked outrage to stir the pot. u have to subtly aim at black fans again and also go deeper into ur weird parasocial sam reid feelings so u feel important and loved. wtf.
didn't u all send sam a fan art book and other stuff ur always being loud about cuz he mentioned having it in interviews a few times? don't u visit him on sets and tell him u luv him all the time (I've seen the posts lol). he's fucking with u so u will watch the show more and react just like this lol idiots.
the last fangs psa post also tried to pretend it was about this
the craziest thing about this tho is that after she was done aiming at the black and brown fans, she posts a big part about this white guy *with a lestat icon* but.............now it's about race??
isn't it weird how they can't keep to one story lol. it's all about hating lestat except for when u can't use that against a white lestat fan u wish would stfu so u pull the "I'm black" card instead and then reveal u have no friends lol.
this has never been about lestat or sam. it's an excuse because they don't have the range to speak about why lestat being judged for his ignorant white shit feels uncomfortable to them (especially if they want to fuck him, cuz I'm p sure fangs does). they get off power tripping on telling white fans it's okay to do racist shit if u hate the "right" ppl. her and keybearer are the first to do dumb shit to alienate themselves but blame everyone else for it. then cry to white fandom for hugs because they know how easy it is to get white ppl to feel good about shit if u stroke the fires of antiblackness in them. nobody is kicking u out of spaces unless ur doing some fuckshit but white ppl only hear "I'm black and ppl are being mean to me :(" and then rush to do the most racist shit ever because u just gave them a "good" excuse to do it. if a lot of black ppl are defending a white person who talks about antiblackness and ur the only black person saying that's wrong? u are the one who is the problem! especially because fangs and keybearer are both *not* american and nearly everyone from "this subset" is......and that is also the show's focus, that is louis' struggle! not to mention how fangs got upset about *this* in the cap but then had no issue pulling out talk of the fucking palestine genocide on a black american fan, to say that black americans don't suffer oppression. is this the real reason nobody likes ur bitch ass, mayhaps?
them being unable to let anyone know peace because of their own bad feelings is the most annoying thing. the show hits u over the head with the "memory is a monster" thing. we *know* we're gonna be seeing different versions of ppl and events and that's alot of what makes it interesting and fun. it's insane u keep pretending we're ignorant to this, as if u *also* haven't been crying for years now about "wait until lestat tells his side!!!!" we have fucking heard ur annoying asses jfc. WE KNOW.
but u have these ppl who can't hear a word against their fav without pulling out the books and showing u some sad lestat passage to change ur mind. girl shut up idc?? can't u let ppl like things as they come gd. what's the harm in enjoying the journey. u assholes are always saying ur so smart but then u have tantrums that the show isn't on book 12 already and ppl don't luv lestat enough yet. who tf cares? he's literally all the tags are whenever a 2 second clip shows up in any S2 thing rn, what are u even complaining about.
fucking crazy that this is louis' story but the focus is always on why isn't lestat getting more attention, why do ppl hate lestat, why is everyone mean to lestat. nobody frames it like that because then u'd v easily understand how stupid and racist this shit rly is. when u speak up in defense about any black character they literally accuse u of being the woke mob but ok lol. "did u listen to what jacob *a black man* said about the character being a crazy liar, sweetie??" (example 1, example 2) this shit is so obvious.
#asks#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire amc#iwtv amc#amc iwtv#iwtv 2022#fandom racism#virginiaisforvampires#showmey0urfangs
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Laughing, Crying, and Laughing Until I Cry
(Prison Cell 05-07 React-os!)
Yup, called it! Shock of all shocks! The GILF is evil!
And before I hear any of you saying, "He was given an in-game sprite, of course he's evil!" I shall respectfully direct you to Eerie Escapade, Silver Miracle, Chase the Rainbow, etc....
2. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
Okay, homies... Time for me to be a Downer....
So, once again we've got an event where a whole-ass room of people is hating on one of our bois, which makes me upset as hell.
That's to be expected. This is a prison, after all; it ain't going to be filled with particularly nice people...
What actually upset me more in this scene is what Eiden says to the asshole guard.
Look. I know he said it mostly as a joke. BUT.
What if the guard actually took him up on that offer??? Things could've escalated in a very nasty, unsafe direction VERY quickly. The Scumbag Guard is already abusing his power; can you IMAGINE how bad it would be if it got "sexual," too????
That was too reckless of Eiden, and for a second there I got legitimately scared. (Not that I think the devs would ever have anything too extreme happen to Eiden, but the possibility that they'd show the Scumbag Guard being a creepy BAD pervert towards Eiden---even briefly, before he's inevitably saved by someone---it gave me the chills.)
Am I over-reacting? Maybe. I don't care; this moment just scared me, okay? Was not expecting it.
3. OUR BOI!!!! A BEACON OF LIGHT IN THIS DREARY-ASS PIT OF DESPAIR!!!!
LOOK AT HIMMMM!!!!!! HE'S SO GODDAMN CUTEEEE!!!!!
And it's so funny to me that, while Quincy was just chilling in his cell, he made that cool little outfit for Topper...XD
TOPPER IS CUTE, AND QUINCY IS EQUALLY CUTE!!!!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
TOPPER TO THE RESCUE!!!!
THE GOODEST BOY!!!!!!
4. PFFFFFFFT! (≧∇≦)
YAKUMO JUMPSCARE!!!
Idk why I wasn't expecting it, since prisons obviously allow visitors sometimes. But when Yakumo suddenly popped up on screen I audibly snorted in amusement/surprise...
5. YASSSSS KING!!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡
Lemme tell you, as soon as I realized that Eiden hadn't eaten the cookies right away, I fuckin KNEW Eiden had set them up as a trap!!!!
I read this and I was just SMILING MANIACALLY
Like, look at this Human Garbage, putting on a whole show of stealing the cookies, I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIS COMEUPPANCE!!!!
EIDEN, YOU LOVABLE SKAMP, YOU!!!!!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
6. AND IT SOMEHOW GETS EVEN BETTER!!!!
Eiden, the goddamn genius, just be raising absolute HELL!!!
And he even has the audacity to threaten Quincy, of all people...My GOD....
I'm having such a good time now
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For Roy/Jaime triplet fic, a bit of heavy angst for your pleasure: Jaime starts to show and one night while he and Roy are just lounging after dinner, he turns to Roy with tears in his eyes and says " If anythin' goes wrong, you hafta promise meh you'll pick them ova meh, you'll save our babies no matta what Roy." Roy is absolutely hollowed out by even the thought of anything happening to Jaime. He's deeply shaken and upset and while he's so damn proud of Jaime for being a parent, he absolutely refuses to even entertain the idea. He's like " No love, I won't fuckin' accept that, I will have all five of us together and nothin' else. Nothin' is gonna happen to ya, I won't fuckin' allow it." They cling to each other the rest of the night, and are still upset the next morning as they head into training. Everyone immediately picks up that something is off, but they don't pry. The lads fall over themselves trying to cheer Jaime up and he eventually tells them what's got him and Roy so upset and the Greyhounds set about reassuring him. Roy though, finds his composure wavering and finally summons the Diamond Dogs. He tells them of just how terrified he and Jaime are, and the selfless promise Jaime tried to exact from him. The Diamond Dogs are gutted and rush to assure Roy that he and Jaime aren't alone. Higgins himself reveals that he and his wife experienced the exact situation Roy and Jaime are fearing, Higgins having to choose between his wife and one of their babies, and refusing to lose either and coming through okay. Roy and Jaime reunite after, surrounded by their Richmond Fam.
Yesssss!!! I adore this angst!
Jamie and Roy having had an appointment where doctors again stressed the possible complications and the different issues that might arise. They did this not to scare them, but to talk them through the different options and calm them
Roy is already a little on edge because it's hitting that fuck, he could lose them. He could lose Jamie or one of their little ones. He doesn't want to freak Jamie out, so he just keeps it inside and debates possibly talking to the Diamond Dogs about it when he's in work to get it out and get some support.
And then Jamie, when they're laying in bed with Roy reading to his now obvious bump, just asks Roy to save their little ones over him if it comes down to it and it breaks Roy. Roy wants to be mad, he wants to yell and shout but he can see how terrified Jamie is deep down so he just holds him close and tells him it'll be okay. Jamie, however, pushes, because to him.....he's replacable and less valuable than their kids. These are his and Roy's babies. He knows already that he would die for them, and he wants Roy to understand that which leads to them arguing and eventually Roy just asks him to stop and when Jamie looks up, Roy is shaking and crying and he looks so broken that Jamie just holds him.
Neither of them sleep well that night. They're both off, both quiet. Jamie is only really there to support the team, give some ideas, watch practice and the team notice how off he is.
When Roy and the coaches are in the office, the team gets Jamie out onto the pitch under the guise of taking a walk. It's out there that the boys nominate Sam to talk to him. Sam just puts an arm around him, and then Jamie is talking. Talking about how Roy won't listen and how he needs to know they'll be okay, but the boys point out that Roy is terrified too and Jamie realises he's been thinking about Roy as this unshakeable rock because that's what he is for Jamie. It makes him see how terrified asking that made Roy
Meanwhile Roy calls for the Diamond Dogs and they immediately know something is wrong when Roy doesn't grumble or make a crack at them. He just comes out and tells them everything. Tells them that Jamie wanted, that he is scared, that he can't imagine choosing a baby he doesn't know but is meant to immediately love over the love of his life and how horrible that makes him feel. Ted and Beard offer support but admit they're out of their dept when Higgins speaks up, telling Roy everything that he and his wife went through with their youngest. That things weren't easy, they were terrified, she wanted him to choose their kid and Higgins wantedto save them both and it worked out. He points out thag worrying now, will make it worse and they should talk and make it through this
Roy is wrapping his head around it when Jamie appears and just squashes him in a tight hug that has them both clinging to each other and whispering I love yous and apologies
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✱ SEOJIN'S JOURNAL ( 2006 - current )
This journal is property of Park Seojin. It contains sensitive topics and precious thoughts. If you find this, don't open it or else he'll come find you and take you to Suplex City! Go away.
Septembur September, 2006
The therapy lady said if I pretend I'm talking to God then I can write eeeasier. I dunno. Don't wanna talk to you right now buddy. Cuz somtymes sometimes I kinda wish you didn't make me so I'm upset at you. And I hate cake and I don't wanna blow out anymore stupid candelsles. It just makes me feel real mad. Speshully Especially when Miss Heejung tries to give me hugs. I don't want none of that I just wanna go back to my friends somtimes.
November 30th, 2006
Mr Dongwoo Dad said that the baby is gonna come any day now. I'm gonna be mad if the kid is born on my birthday no way am I gonna share. It's my day!! I want somethin that's mine.
December 25th, 2006
Didn't write in this thing cuz I forgot. Anyway. Christmas is real fun. I got an RC racer thing!!!!! It goes so fast hahahah!!
January 15th, 2007
The baby was really late. They called her Dahye. She looked at me kinda funny but she didn't cry when I hugged her.
September 3rd, 2007
I got moved to a different class and stuff. I wanna throw books cuz now I'm not with my friends. But the teach said we were dissruptin class or whatever. I get to sit next to a girl now and she stuck her tongue out at me so I stuck out my middle finger. Her name is Boram.
March 14th, 2008
Girls are weird. I gave Boram my chocolates cuz she gave me some and then she said she was gonna throw em in the toilet. Whatever. I didn't like her anyways.
May 21st, 2009
Hahahah!!! Jaehyuk hyung came to school today and brought a real lizard. Yep it was real I checked and everything. Haesung said we should dissect it but we were like no way. I wanna make it my pet. It looks so sick! Not sick sick but cool
June 17th, 2009
I bought a guitar!!!
November 27th, 2009
A weird lady said hi to me when I was walking home. She had really long hair and a funny smile. She looked real sick (the real kind) and said my name. Maybe she's one of them no homes people or a ghost or somethin
November 29th, 2009
The weird lady tried to give me a bag of chips and grab my hand. Did she think I was 5 years old or somethin. That shit don't work on 11 year olds. So I ran away real fast. Skinned my knee. It fuckin hurt.
December 1st, 2009
Stuff sucks real bad right now. I'm real sorry God. I don't wanna go back no more. I just wanna stay here now. I'm sorry.
December 1st, 2010
She called again. I can't have one day.
December 1st, 2011
Sorry I keep ignoring you. Lotsa shit is happening lately. That lady hasn't even read this since like 2 years ago. Why do I even bother? How did I do it again? Hi, God? Haha. I'm good, I guess. Bored right now. Eating some kinda bread dad bought in Japan. Way too sweet but whatever. Birthday went okay. They gave me a party and it wasn't anything special I guess.
January 20th, 2013
Got nothing else to do so I'm gonna write in this again. Fuck this city. Fuck everything. I don't wanna move and leave everyone behind. This sucks so fucking much. Seoul seems like it sucks anyway. But at least Jaehyuk is there... Ugh nevermind. It makes feel sick to write while the car's moving all over the place, and Dahye won't stop pinching me. I'm gonna give this kid a headlock.
April 30th, 2013
Some kid almost ran me over with his bike so I grabbed it and he fell on me. Buncha stolen shit fell outta his jacket and everything. Hahaha. He begged me not to tell anyone. I think he's a grade below me even though he said he's like 13 I think. Seems real smart. Name is Cheol... something. I guess he's ok when we started to talk but if he runs me over again I'm gonna pummel him for sure.
August 2nd, 2013
Mom had the baby today. The kid is real cute and she grabbed my finger super tight. I'm gonna be honest. I kinda felt like crying and stuff. She's real cute, Dasom. I wanna protect her.
October 12th, 2013
Jaehyuk wants to start a band or whatever. Know I never mentioned it before but I kinda like to sing and I know how to play guitar. I'll give it a shot. He introduced me to some guy named Taewoo from another school and I asked Cheol if he wanted to join, too. Here goes nothing I guess.
February 23rd, 2015
I asked Minkyung out. I know you don't know who that is yet, God. Sorry about that. I was being an idiot just being in my head instead. She's in the same class as me. She's got short hair like to her neck kinda length. It's really funny. The class was playing soccer and she kicked the ball at my head. She seemed real scared about it and she came over to check on me and grabbed my face. That's what it's like to fall in love right??
July 9th, 2016
Long time no see, huh? Lots of good news happened so far. Well, kinda. First, I'm still going out with Minkyung. :) Second, I entered a singing contest and I got 3rd place, so a guy with a card came up to us and all. He was from a company... entertainment company. Legacy or something. Well, I auditioned and made it. Cool, right? Weird, though... Didn't think this could be a thing for me. Well, I'm gonna mooch these vocal lessons and see what happens I guess. Taewoo won't stop calling me a fucking sell-out though. Bastard. Anyway... the next news is awkward kinda. Mom and dad decided to foster this kid. He's like 12 or 13 or something and he's already getting on my nerves... Feel bad for him though. I know what it's like.
June 14th, 2017
Shit sucks. What a joke. See if those fuckers mess with Hyunseung again. I'd kick their asses all over again until they leave him alone.
December 2nd, 2017
She called me again. I don't get why she just won't leave me the hell alone. I can't do this shit. I don't care if I'm her "real son". Why did she have to find me? You left me there for like almost 7 years and now you wanna keep trying.
March 1st, 2018
I decided to start over. It's for the best, probably. Dim is over. I left the company. Me and Minkyung decided it would be better if we broke up. I couldn't even look at her anymore after I went off the deep end and didn't wanna be around anybody for a while. It was like shit was falling apart and I didn't wanna be like that and hurt her. Then have to leave her. And the guys. I feel like shit. I don't even know if this is the right choice. I'm taking you with me. There's still a lot of space to fill.
March 28th, 2018
It's the fifth day of basics. A week in and I've got some smart idea to start a journal. Apparently it's supposed to be "good" for me as an outlet but like... For all I know, some guy will take it, read it, and make fun of me. Whatever. This is stupid. The food sucks.
March 30th, 2018
Guy named Jung Woobin joined today. Kind of a nerd, but he's in my temporary unit and the bed next to mine. Might as well make friends. He keeps talking about random shit. Maybe I can see if he likes Slam Dunk. Well, I'm not here to make friends anyways, am I? Nothing else interesting happened. Entries are gonna be short till something interesting happens.
April 5th, 2018
Week two. Not hype. Hate waking up fucking early. This sucks ass. Some guy lost his shit and ran off in some random direction. They labeled him as a deserter. Feel kinda bad for him. Just glad he wasn't in my unit.
April 8th, 2018
New recruits came. There was overflow in bunking so they stuck a guy with us. I get a chaebol smell off of him but he seems alright so far. Let's see how he does during the first week.
April 21st, 2018
I'm tired of this Kang dude. Nearly kicked his ass before we got stopped. What a prick. He snores when he sleeps, too. I'm gonna plug his nostrils.
May 1st, 2018
Transfer to marines unit today. Off to Pohang. Wish me luck.
July 30th, 2018
Finally got time to sit down and write. Shit's been intense. The C.O. is no fucking stickler. He makes our squad wake up up to an hour earlier than the others. Set our alarms as the wake up song that blasts outside. Today, I swear we got to bed at midnight and got up at 3:30am. Wanted us to get our rounds done early so we can get a head start into the MMA training so we're in top shape. Tomorrow, our platoon is supposed to meet with the American marines that are stationed here, too.
October 10th, 2018
My English isn't that great but I kinda talked to this guy and we became friends. Tall, wavy hair, super ripped. Said his name is Andreas like the fault line but I dunno what that means, really. I can just call him Andy, he calls me Jin. His Korean is pretty good, actually. Hahaha.
October 11th, 2018
We sat by the river when everything is done and he and his friend taught me how to skin a rabbit. Then, the guy said he was gonna go rock fishing ( I think, I couldn't get his accent but I think he was from Australia or something ) and pulled a catfish with his bare hands. I'm serious! Wish I coulda taken a picture...
October 14th, 2018
It's the last day of the collab camp thing. Andy gave me a book. D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths. I guess I should get better at English... But he said he's staying in Seoul after this. And his dad's got a boxing gym or something. Once I'm out, I'll check it out.
December 1st, 2018
They remembered my birthday. Never thought I'd get a Chocopie with a candle sticking out of it. Whatever works. I don't like sweets anyway and it's cold as balls.
February 13th, 2019
I'm on break for seollal! Came back home for a bit to see everyone. I know I saw them in between but still... This is nice. Chan must've gotten real tall over the summer. Dasom ran up to me and hugged me real tight. As for Dahye, she shook my hand. What a weird kid. I missed them so much. Gonna go spend time with them now. I won't forget you at home. Promise.
March 26th, 2019
A new guy joined us today. Real jumpy, that one. Said he got transferred to our unit for some reason he won't say. Rumor is that he tried to kill some guy and he's in a gang back in Daejeon. I don't believe it for a second. What a stupid story.
April 3rd, 2019
Caught Lcpl. Shin creeping around the place after dark not in his bunk. I got up to take a piss and he almost scared it right outta me. This is like the 2nd time this happened. Since our ranks are the same there's not much I can do. Should I tell the C.O.? Shit, why am I asking you? I don't think you would know what to do either.
April 17th, 2019
Fuck it, we finally ratted on the guy. The hell is he doing lurking around the latrines all the time... Must be some kinda weirdo. I guess that's why he was transferred. Shoulda kicked him out instead. Woobin said he saw him with a knife when he got out so I dunno what to think anymore. Lt said it isn't a big deal. That the guy's gotta be touched in the head, whatever that means.
April 22nd, 2019
Something or some dipshit keeps knocking on the barracks again. Can't fucking sleep. Shit sucks.
May 24th, 2019
Things were quiet for a while. There was a weird smell coming from the latrines and it wasn't cause of the crap they serves us. Found a dead bird strung up with shoelaces. Can't eat tonight.
May 28th, 2019
Can't sleep. Knocking again. The alarms went off. Glitch, I guess.
May 31st, 2019
Some shit went down. Two of the guys started wailing on each other outta nowhere. Screaming real loud about something. I didn't really bother trying to figure it out when we got them off each other. They were reprimanded. Only 9 of us, so this shit really stirred things up. Must have been some kinda disagreement. But everyone's fucking tired. Climbing drills are tomorrow.
June 1st, 2019
The ropes were cut. Or frayed. Or old, or something. It's my fault, isn't it? If I didn't pull so hard then Hwang wouldn't have fallen. Everything's okay. He said it wasn't cause of me. They took him out for a short medical leave. Hope he's okay. But I'm still shaking. I'd only tell you this kinda stuff, God.
June 5th, 2019
There's only 6 of us right now in the unit right now until the others get back. Feels real quiet right about now. No one really wanted to talk. Least, not to me. I still got Woobin but he seems like something's real wrong. Shin's got the world under his feet, though, the way he's strutting everywhere. Kept trying to show me his rabbit pelt. Freak.
July 7th, 2019
That fucking knocking again. A slam. Piss off so I can sleep already.
July 19th, 2019
It's raining. Real hard. Had to go fix something and found Shin out there doing... something. Whatever it is, he didn't like that I caught him and fuck I don't know what to do. It can't have been something bad, right? I didn't really see. It was dark.
July 23rd, 2019
I'm gonna kill that piece of shit. What kinda asshole takes a picture of my mom and just. He's dead. Next week. Mark my words, God. I'm confessing ahead of time if something happens. I'm kicking his ass when he comes around.
July 29th, 2019
The fucker still lives. Unfortunately. Opened my eyes and saw him hovering over my bunk. I swear. I saw it. How long was he standing there? How many days? Shouldn't think too much of it...
August 2nd, 2019
I looked over and he was just sitting up in bed like that. Awake. I don't think he ever sleeps, come to think of it. Woobin said the same thing. I started to keep my knife with my under my pillow.
September 6th, 2019
We woke up and Shin was gone from his bed. Nothing from the usual. C.O. came in and told us the military officers came and got him. Said what happened stays with us. They're making Woobin testify but he won't tell me what happened. Guess I'll never really find out. Gotta keep an eye on the news maybe later. Feel like I need to take 8 showers though. Maybe 10. Hopefully there won't be too much to write about now.
September 30th, 2019
Holy shit. Just a little bit longer and I'll be outta here. Sgt. Park speaking. Cool, right? I should have something positive here after all that. Everything seems like it's okay again. I think. I guess I thought about it a little more... All sorta guys come through here and you never know who's gonna end up being totally insane. I left out some details but, God, I'm sure you saw what happened anyways.
October 15th, 2019
One more month! I get to lead new recruits today. I asked Woobin to help and he still almost passed out running with us. Guess some guys really don't get that fit here, haha. Here's hoping we can still be friends when we leave. He's outta here next week... Gonna miss him something awful.
November 10th, 2019
I'm free!!! Gonna stay with the family again for a bit until we get my place figured out. Don't really plan on going to school or anything, but dad helped me find a job at some restaurant. I gotta go to Gangnam for it since it's all ritzy but it pays well. I'm kinda excited. Really feels like I started over again... Also, went to the bar still in my fatigues ( yeah, I know, I was lazy ). Craziest thing, the people you meet again. Some guy in uniform, another in a sparkly jacket. Funny where we end up.
December 2nd, 2019
Saw the guys yesterday. We got super smashed and they said I climbed a tree. Wait. Why am I still writing? Nothing interesting is going on. Let's not make this a habit.
January 8th, 2020
Nevermind. Something kinda crazy happened. Went to Vampire Den for the open mic night again. Just to sing. I got that card again. This shiny one. I guess I must have been outta my mind and had it in me to go for an audition. It was worth a shot. I'm almost at the limit they accept trainees. Fuck what am I doing? Shit.
January 9th, 2020
The call came. I made it. They said I gotta move into the dorms now. At least I got a couple months to myself.
January 20th, 2020
Shit man. So many kids around... This kid ( had a real unique name ) I'm roommates with said that he's graduating high school soon. Crazy... I think I'm in way over my head if this is how things are gonna be, but fuck it, right? At least I can still keep my job. Guess I'll just start making some friends around here. There's plenty of guys my age. Yushin's even here, too. Well, anyway. I don't gotta keep writing in this right now so see you later.
July 24th, 2020
Hey guess who's gonna be in a band again? Well kinda. It's still a bunch of practicing. We'll see what happens but I'm feeling optimistic, I think.
April 21st, 2021
This just in for another episode of Shit Sucks... They pulled the band stuff. I guess there weren't gonna be enough resources for it. Dunno what to do now. Feels like everything's crumbling apart around me. I can just hide away in my room for the rest of the year, right? Just not sure what they're gonna do with me now. Gotta get better at dancing. I'll do it later.
May 23rd, 2021
Shit just keeps happening. I saw her with someone else. I don't want an explanation. I'm tired of this push and pull shit. Going here and there without saying much. She lit my heart on fire and put it out with her fucking shoe. I loved her. At least, I think I did. I guess that doesn't matter now. Nothing should have come from that day and why did I even bother going through with it. Over and over again. Wasted my own heart. Nothing matters anymore, does it? Fuck it all. I should go somewhere. Don't look now, God.
August 17th, 2021
I guess some okay things can happen. But these blind dates the guys keep trying to set me up on are a waste of time. Better to not put in effort like that. Anyway, dad's heart thing has gotten better, too. He wanted me to start picking up his new medicine after practice every day.
September 19th, 2021
It's hard to want to sing again. Or want to do much of anything again. Maybe I'll get better by next year.
September 25th, 2021
Met this girl. Well, already did. Sometimes, she'd be at the pharmacy when I picked things up. There's dimples in her cheeks when she smiles at me. I mentioned I was interested in producing music and she asked me for some pointers. We're meeting next week so I can help her, I guess. Worth a shot. Come to think of it, I think we went to the same high school.
October 18th, 2021
She's cute. Fuck, I'm so screwed. I remember now. I sneezed on her in the hallway once. She said it was two times, but I don't remember the first one. We already talked a lot. It's weird. Something dangerous about her. I'll watch my step...
October 31st, 2021
I feel drunk even though I'm not. She said she liked me and I wanted to run. I think I already like her, too. I just can't be what she needs right now. I shouldn't be writing this stuff down. I'll save it for songs. My own head. See you.
December 5th, 2021
She said there's a beauty in being impulsive. She is coy and bold. She wants to kiss my cheek because something compels her to. She yearns to see me. I can't forget anything she says. She speaks in poetry and laughs in music. I don't flinch when she reaches out to touch me. So.. What now...? I kissed her on the shores of some snowy Sokcho beach. When she says now that there's nothing innocent about the way I kiss her with that smirk of hers. When she said she's looking for someone to break her heart because she's just being realistic. Not to feel burdened because I make her happy. She'll be patient for me. I think I might be going a little crazy. Emotionally, spiritually. She makes me want to sing again.
December 1st, 2022
Aside from one good thing, this year was kind of a bust. Hoping for a better one next year. Fuck, I'm getting old. Did they forget about me?
March 20th, 2023
Finally got a project! With actual songs. Not sure what it's gonna entail but ... here goes nothing, as usual. :)
March 30th, 2023
And when it comes to spring, I learned that it's made of heartbreak and not love.
August 12th, 2023
Fuck, what am I doing with my life? It's so close I can taste it but I can't help but feel like there's so much missing.
October 30th, 2023
What am I doing? Part two. Everything is all jumbled up. There's nowhere to put that anger brewing in my head. I almost messed up my hand because of it and ruined everything for myself. Might start writing some songs again...
December 1st, 2023
The first birthday I really felt like I deserved. I guess I made it this far, huh? And there are people who care about me, love me. It's still really overwhelming to think about, but looking back, this is what I always needed. And I should have been more grateful for what I have around me in the form of other people.
January 1st, 2024
I think it's gonna be a great year. Love is real.
January 14th, 2024
Oh. Fuck.
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ADHD fun sometimes. it does silly shit like randomly remembering that part in Cloverfield where that chick who got bitten fuckin exploded and then connecting it to Current Hyperfixation like "mm...teen Nai with a perfectly benign tummy ache but scared bc he doesn't know what's happening to him, but he's STUBBORN and won't ask for help, so he just gets more and more scared the longer his tummy hurts, and the anxiety's making him feel sick, which scares him EVEN MORE and! maybe him and Vash once watched a scary movie or two featuring someone's torso exploding from the inside! or an alien bursting out of it! and Nai KNOWS that can't be the case with him but now he can't get those scenes out of his head, and he hurts, and he feels SO yucky, and he feels STUPID for being so scared
and eventually Conrad finds him just. sitting against the wall in a random hallway. hood up. cloak drawn around himself. and Nai refuses to get up, and it takes a lot of gentle prodding just for him to finally admit that he doesn't feel well. but he won't move. and when Conrad asks if it's okay to carry him to the exam room, Nai responds with just the most pathetic, obstinate little grumble, but he doesn't fight him, and Conrad doesn't say a word about that one arm looped around his neck or how reluctant Nai is to let go as he's set down on the exam table. and of course Nai won't just tell Conrad what specifically is wrong bc he's Embarrassed and Stubborn, but Conrad's so patient with him, asking simple questions to narrow things down, and then he indulges Nai with all the non-invasive procedures and exams he'll put up with to show him that everything's perfectly normal with him
and THAT'S when Nai finally lets himself admit it might just be stress getting to him...and it's impossible for him to hide how embarrassed and stupid he feels for getting so wound up over something so small - by now, it's just so easy for Conrad to see right through him, and he also knows Nai will NOT ask for help or comfort no matter how upset he gets. so Conrad offers to give Nai something to help settle his stomach - he'll still have a tummy ache but at least he won't feel so yucky - and sticks around "just in case you have a reaction to it" except what Conrad ACTUALLY does is sit with Nai and rub his back as he's curled up on the exam table feeling gross and dumb and trying not to cry about it
but once he's managed to calm down a little, Nai starts to open up. he mentions that ill-advised scary movie marathon he and Vash did years ago. Conrad asks about what they watched, and that gets Nai to open up a little more, and soon he's telling him about those scenes that scared him so much - and Conrad says something like "you're more brave than I was; I couldn't watch anything like that when I was that age... well. you know what I mean." and Nai doesn't expect that to make him laugh, but it does
and FOR SOME REASON that's what opens the flood gates. the next thing he knows, Nai's lying there sniffling, trembling from the sobs he's struggling to hold back - until Conrad's combing his fingers through his hair, and at last, Nai gives in and lets himself cry and cry - and Conrad doesn't make a big deal out of it, doesn't try to make him stop. he gently, so gently encourages Nai to just...let it all out. and he does. he cries until he feels like an empty vessel. it's a good kind of empty, though - like dumping lukewarm water out of a glass, like some strange weight has been lifted - and as his tears run dry, Nai is SO. EXHAUSTED. maybe he'll just...sleep a bit. just this once.
when he notices Nai's starting to nod off, of course Conrad offers to set him up somewhere that's actually comfortable...and of course Nai's fast asleep in his arms before the elevator even reaches the penthouse. Conrad carries him to the master bedroom, tucks him in, then heads out and gets back to work. he's not expecting Nai to still be there when he returns that evening, but there he is - and that's okay. Conrad's careful to be extra-quiet as he gets ready for bed, gets in the far side...only briefly reaches into Nai's personal bubble to tug the covers up over his shoulder. and yes, Conrad knows that, come sunrise, Nai will be long gone...but for now, he's here, safe and warm and loved and cared for - and tonight, not even his deepest fears can reach him..."
...anyway. yeah. that's what's playing in my turbo-unmedicated brain theater rn =u=
#text postan 2k23#the daily life#not tagging trigun stampede#*VIBRATES IN FOUND FAMILY FEELINGS*#feekins writes sometimes#conknives
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Okay before I say anything I just wanna say- please no one come for me I am only 23 and I am not a kids person and this is only an imagine so I am sorry in advance!
But Navy 😭 today I was working and my brain was doing that background thinking thingy and I wondered how Soldat would react if you start getting jelly of your kid like unintentionally (bc sometimes I feel like I'd get like that bc I've like, attention and sharing issues) and idk you end up snapping at them or scold them by accident but of course you feel horrible because you love your kid but you were feeling all burnt out and idk needy of love because being a parent has to be pretty fuckin hard right? And like salute to all the parents because I feel like I am not that strong 😭
I feel like he'd punish you at first and call you out on it and comfort the child because duh then he'd attend to you or try because knowing me I'd just push him away and then he'd be like "you know I love you but you were wrong" and idk why but him calling you out even though you're his only love in the whole ass century he's been alive and he'd do anything for you otherwise and protective Dad Bucky is so 🥺♥️
Again, I kinda feel bad writing this on here so I am sorry I don't mean to offend anyone it's just that- I do want kids someday but they also freak me out and I don't consider myself a strong enough person to be able to handle it like a champ if they start acting like how they do for the most part unless they're an exceptionally peaceful kid and ugh it's a mess in my head
-Winter Soldier's 🐕
First, I'm not going to judge. Having kids is a huge responsibility and a lot to think about. Second, I'm going to put some thoughts under the cut that deviate a bit away from the imagine and address some realities.
I'm a mother of two. It isn't easy. For any parent out there, there are going to be days where you're exhausted, moody, in need of a break, etc., and there are going to be days where you get upset for a laundry list of reasons. You may raise your voice or snap because you told your kid to do something 39 times and they still didn't do it. You may slam a door or cry in the bathroom because you feel alone. A lot of people don't like to talk about those moments, but they happen.
Being jealous of your child, it isn't a competition. Your child relies on you (and your partner if you aren't raising your child alone) and needs attention. They can't take care of themselves. Communication is key. An apology would be needed and maybe an explanation for why you snapped. Every parent is going to snap, but how you handle it after is a big deal. Kids can pick up on moods. They know adults have bad days, too.
As far as punishment, I don't know if that's something Soldat would bring to bed before discussing. Major communication would need to happen with the Soldat. He would be right in the regard that snapping at a child who did nothing wrong is crossing a boundary. He loves you both. Setting aside time for the two of you is also a must. A lot of parents shift from partner mode to parental mode and don't deviate. Parents need time for the two of them (or time alone if they're a single parent). The relationship doesn't end because you have kids.
Learning triggers is also a good thing. For example, one of my best friends can feel her anger rise when she has to repeat something 3 times. If you know a trigger when something starts to happen, breathe, walk away if you can or get your partner to step in.
Parenting isn't a part time job. It's 100%. My word is not law. Those are simply my thoughts and some experiences. You have the whole world in front of you and time to think things over.
Love and thanks! ❤️
#navybrat answers#anon ask#winter soldier's 🐕#personal share#parenting#parenting advice#discussion of parenting#food for thought#sending love ❤️#asks are always appreciated
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Chapter 12. If You Lean On Me
Seattle Washington, February 26 2002
As I make my way back down to the elevator, trying to get there as fast as I can so that I don't have to share it with Chris, but of course I am not so lucky. Just as the elevator door was about to close, Chris catches it and the door opens. He steps inside and I do my best to not even look at him as he presses the button for the bottom floor.
"Andi - ?"
"Don't. Don't even... just don't," I cut him off. He starts to say something again and the elevator finally dings, reaching the bottom floor and I step out as quickly as I could once the door opens saying nothing as I head down the hallway.
"Andi, will you wait?' He calls to me as I open the main entrance doors. He somehow catches up to me, and just as I step outside, he catches my arm.
"Don't fucking touch me," I say pulling away and turning to face him.
"Look, I don't wanna end it this way. Andi - ?" He says.
"Well too fucking bad. Go back to her and tell her you won, 'cause you did. You both got what you wanted ok? Now just leave me alone," I say angrily but not yelling, which I am surprised at myself that I'm not.
I turn back and start walking looking straight ahead and suddenly see Tommy parked in the parking lot, in the space right next to the sidewalk. I see him smile at me but I'm still too upset to even offer one back. I reach the car and Tommy leans across to help me open the door, I swing it open, slide myself in the passenger seat and slam the car door shut.
"Babe?" He asks and I can't even look at him. I keep my gaze straight ahead through the windshield. Tommy follows my gaze to where the office was and sees Chris standing outside with his lawyer then back at me. "That wasn't just a business meeting was it?"
"No," I say, my voice sounding small and I lean my head back on the seat, closing my eyes for a moment.
"What happened baby?" Tommy says sweetly.
"I told you, you didn't have to wait for me," I say with my eyes still closed.
"Babe I'm gonna fucking wait for you are you crazy?" He chuckles.
"I could've walked," I say quietly.
"Pfff in those shoes?" He chuckles but I don't say anything. His smile slowly fades and I figure it's time to tell him everything.
"Fuck, where do I fuckin'... like..." I start to explain but I stop myself and sit with him for a few minutes in silence. There's just so much baggage where do I even begin?
"You're so quiet... talk to me baby," He says, reaching for my hand, and bringing it up to his lips placing sweet kisses on the back of my hand.
"You got a lifetime? Cause that's how long this whole thing feels like," I say furrowing my brow as I look at him.
"For you baby... of course I do," He says in between his kisses.
"Ok," I sigh and then begin," When Chris and I were, y'know married, we um... well, we got married in '91 and everything was like you know fine, good, great even. I became Soundgarden's manager and we toured all over the world together... worked together, partied together you know, the whole bit... Well, we eventually wanted um... a baby," my voice cracks but I continue as Tommy looks at me with those dark eyes listening. "... I had trouble getting pregnant for like months and months... then like, it finally happened, I was finally gonna be a mom and have a family with him, and we were so fucking happy...but then..." I hesitate and Tommy still focuses on me. "I lost the baby right as she was born... and..." my voice cracks again. "And like, how do you come back after that? I mean I get it... but I thought we could get through it, we got through every other shitty fucking thing that happened... tons of drug use through all of our friends... Andy's death... but this was different. He couldn't even look at me after I lost her..."
"Oh babe," Tommy says quietly.
"I remember coming home from that car ride and just wanting my little girl with me crying in the backseat like it should be y'know? But all I remember is dead silence. Silence so fucking loud that I couldn't hear anything.... Anyways we separated for like just over a year and that's when I toured with Pantera and tried to focus on work and having fun... but obviously that didn't work and so .. we wanted to make it work again. We got back together and it was great for a while and we missed each other so much, but.... It just wasn't the same. The same old shit just kept creeping up. He wanted to try and have a baby again but I wasn't anywhere near ready to try again and it felt more like he wanted a baby to fix what was going on between us and I'm not about that at all. Then he started drinking more and more which didn't help at all and I was in complete denial and just focused everything on my work... working with Alice In Chains, then helping Jerry with his solo stuff and whatever and like.... " I pause for a moment and look back at Tommy who is just completely focused on me.
"He just ended up looking elsewhere, y'know. Started fucking around behind my back which wasn't like him at all. He was never the type of person to do that. So I thought maybe it's just like a midlife crisis or something... I don't know, I pretty much just went numb, and didn't give a shit anymore. We fought all the time, if he chose to actually pay attention to me... other times we didn't say one word to each other for days."
"Fuck," Tommy sighs, still looking right at me listening.
"So we broke up again in early '99 and I bought the condo that I have now cause there was no way I could stay in that house... then our divorce was finalized last year - or so I thought it was - and I was supposed to get the house in Ohai, but no, that would be way too easy for me..." I say with a hint of sarcasm..
"Is that what that meeting was about?" Tommy asks.
"Yea. He fucking sold the house right out from under me - like bought out my portion and just sold it and lied, so this was the meeting that was supposed to settle everything all over again but, I just... It doesn't matter... I gave up my name, the house, the locker full of his shit - well not shit, just his guitars and some masters, some gold records and awards that he wanted me to keep for him - but not any-fucking-more, 'cause it doesn't fucking matter anymore... nothing fucking matters anymore. Everything I worked for was just taken away and I'm fucking done. I can't fucking do it anymore, I can't keep.. fighting... for nothing," I start to get heated, my voice cracking and suddenly the tears that I held back the entire time I told my story began to flow. Tommy then takes me in his arms, hushing me as I cry. I was so fucking angry and hurt all over again, that I didn't know what to do but cry.
"...and I know she fuckin' put him up to it too, because I know he would never do this to me," I say once I gather myself, trying to wipe my eyes as Tommy places his lips to my temple.
"She? Who?" Tommy asks
"... The uh, chick he was fucking around with on me... Vicky... something, I don't know... then he had the nerve to get all pissy about you -"
"Me? How? Wait...what?" Tommy asks, confused.
"It's nothing, really, he's just try'na be a dick to me obviously," I say.
"Babe what did he say?"
"Nothing important just... it was nothing"
"What did he fuckin' say?"
"Baby it's nothing, he just said 'Do I have any idea who you are', and that 'you're a convicted felon with spousal abuse charges' or some stupid shit that doesn't even matter - "
And as soon as I said those words I instantly regretted even saying anything about it as he opened the car door, lit up a cigarette, closed the door and started to walk towards the office building.
Oh no, oh no, no, no, no
"Tommy! Hey... no, where are you going?" I say as I close the passenger door and try to catch up to him.
"HEY!" Tommy calls.
Oh shit, no, no, no
"Tommy stop," I say once I catch up to him. I see Chris still standing outside leaning against the building puffing away on his cigarette, his lawyer long gone and most likely waiting for a ride.
"You got somethin' to say dude?" Tommy says still walking towards Chris and I eventually come around to stand in front of Tommy trying to stop something before anything horrible starts.
"Tommy, I mean it, stop it," I say looking up at him.
"You talking to me?" Chris says looking around for a second and then back at Tommy.
"I don't see anyone else out here, do you?"
"Tommy - "
"You wanna talk shit about me? Fuckin' come and say it to my face fucker!" Tommy yells.
"I wasn't talking about you man," Chris says and takes a drag from his cigarette.
"So she's lying - ?"
"TOMMY! ENOUGH!" I shout with my hand on his chest.
He glares at Chris for a few more minutes then looks down at me and sees my expression trying to calm him and also not flip on him for causing a scene. He looked back at Chris again and I could tell they were challenging each other.
"Tommy stop, you can't do this, you will get thrown back in jail if you do anything," I say to him as I try to calm him down. Deep inside I wanted Tommy to hit him just once but he couldn't. He's been off probation for so long but one little slip and he's right back in jail.
Then I say "C'mon" taking his hand and trying to pull him back towards the direction of the car. After a few minutes I finally convince him to leave it alone and he turns walking back to the car with me, flicking his cigarette off somewhere, and I'm pretty sure Chris was just shaking his head in disappointment the whole time. I just wanted to get the fuck out of here and never look back.
Once we reach the car and get inside, us both closing the doors at the same time, I lean my elbow on the passenger side window, and rest my head against my hand looking straight out the windshield. We sat in silence together for a little while and I could tell Tommy felt bad for what he just did. He then leans his head against the headrest and turns to look at me though I keep my gaze straight ahead.
"I'm sorry baby," He says. I give him a quick glance, then turn my focus back out the windshield again. "Are you mad at me?'" He says so sweetly. I glance back at him again, then down at myself and back out the windshield.
"No," I say and he reaches up, his fingers brushing my chin. I look back at him again looking so sweet and adorable.
"You're going quiet on me again, talk to me baby," He says after a few more moments of silence between us and I rest my head on the headrest again.
"I just wish I didn't have to come back here," I start as I glance out the windshield again. " I thought I had a way out when I was supposed to get the house in Ohai, but I honestly just didn't even want it. It has way too many bad memories anyways and as much as I love Seattle, and my friends are here, I just... I don't know. It's nothing, I'm just shook up and angry at what happened up there,"
"What if you moved in with me?" Tommy says and I glance at him.
"Ha! That's funny," I giggle.
"What's funny? Did I tell a joke without me knowing or somethin'?" He chuckles.
"You want me to move in with you?" I ask with a giggle.
"Yea," He says and smiles at me.
"Are you crazy?" I ask.
"Um, yes I think we've established this when you met me," He says and I laugh.
"Tommy, we're still getting to know each other -"
"Babe we've been practically together every single day since I first laid eyes on you. I know everything I need to know about you. How your eyes light up everytime I see you, The way you get so excited when you talk about the music you love and your passion for this business. The way you just know exactly how to make me laugh without even trying. How you get so shy and nervous when you have to talk to people, but you never let it show cause you always win them over with just how fuckin' cute you are. And my god, how you know exactly how to drive me crazy when we're makin' love and the way you get that look in your eyes when I make you cum - "
"Shhhh," I hush him, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable.
"What? Nobody can hear us," He says, glancing around the car and then back at me.
"I know, I just... like..." I hesitate for a moment and then say "I haven't even met your 2 boys yet. Shouldn't I meet them first? And your mom too? What if they don't like me and then I have to move back out?"
"Baby are you fuckin' serious? You can meet my boys anytime, I know they will love you.... And my mom is definitely gonna love you. You'd be like the first level headed non psycho, chick I've ever introduced her to" He says with a laugh.
"And that's a good thing right?" I raise my eyebrow at him.
"Yes," He laughs.
"Ok, but... What if you don't like me?" I say and he gives me a flatline look, then I laugh and he smirks at me.
"Ok that's it, you're moving in with me and I'm not taking fuckin' no for an answer," He says which makes me laugh again. After our laughter had calmed down, he reaches up, with his fingers brushing my cheek and I lean over and place my lips on his, and immediately it becomes intense and passionate and difficult to pull away from him.
"You know what?" Tommy says once I part my lips from him.
"What?" I ask, glancing down at his lips then back into his dark eyes.
"You are the fuckin' love of my life you know that?"
"Tommy," I sigh.
"I'm serious, you are just so... fuck there aren't even words that I can find for how I feel about you," He says and I give him a small smile, and touch my forehead to his and sigh.
"I love you so.. so much, Tommy Lee" I say sweetly and he smiles at me, then our lips meet once more, lingering becoming playful and once again full of passion and all I wanted to do was wrap myself in his arms and shut the world out and just have us together without a fucking care in the world.
#tommy lee#motley crue#tommy lee fanfic#motley crue fanfiction#chris cornell#chris cornell fanfiction#crossover#terror twins
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