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ellethespaceunicorn-masterlist · 9 months

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🎧Elle the Space Unicorn's Masterlist🎧

Reader inserts will have no descriptors, OFCs will be black and plus-sized(unless otherwise stated). I love being able to give girls/femmes who look like me the chance to romance some of their faves.

🎧Bless my current muse...🎧

I love to write fanfiction. Right now, my main muse is Henry Cavill. But I also like some Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan characters (see below who I will write for - send prompts or requests to @ellethespaceunicorn HERE).

Masterlist is under the Cut...

Bright Like The Moon (ongoing)

Love, Napoleon (ongoing)

Scrapbook (finished)

Daddy Knows Best (possibly on hiatus)

Don't Take My Sunshine Away (possibly on hiatus)

Touch and Go (possibly ongoing)

The Howling in Claw Creek Forest (ongoing)

What Are You Doing, StepBro?

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Humphrey x Stepsister!Reader

Summary: You and Humphrey don’t have the best start, but before long you will reach an arrangement.

Hold Me Til I Scream For Air To Breathe

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Sub!Clark Kent x Domme!Reader

Summary: Clark needs to give over to his submissive urges, specifically he yearns to be tied up and owned.

I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x Reader

Summary: Napoleon wines and dines.

Make That Kitty Purr {DARK FIC}

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Mike x Reader, August Walker x Reader

Fandom: Hellraiser: Hellworld x Mission: Impossible - Fallout, Crossover AU

Summary: Uncle August doesn’t give a shit that you’re Mike’s girlfriend.

Make That Kitty Purr [Director's Cut] {DARKER FIC}

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Mike x Reader, August Walker x Reader

Fandom: Hellraiser: Hellworld x Mission: Impossible - Fallout, Crossover AU

Summary: Uncle August doesn’t give a shit that you’re Mike’s girlfriend. This is the darker pre-edited version.

Some Things You Just Can’t Refuse

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Dom!Clark Kent x Sub!Reader

Summary: A collection of first times with Clark Kent, and one last time.

Happy Birthday, Cupcake

Rating: General

Pairing: Clark Kent x PlusSize!Reader

Summary: Clark surprises you for your birthday.

Treat Me Like A Slut

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: August Walker x Reader

Summary: August has had enough of your antics, and you’re going to pay for it.

Sometimes The Silence Guides A Mind

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: As you were getting close to Sherlock, he stops visiting. You pop over to Baker Street and share an eye-opening moment.

Don't Take Your Eyes Off It

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Sugar Daddy!Steve Rogers x Black!Fem!Reader

Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day, and you have a surprise for Steve!

Don't Kill My Vibe

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Clark Kent x BestFriend!Black!Fem!Reader

Summary: You help Clark ease the pain of his broken heart.

Forever And A Day

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Geralt x Black!OFC

Summary: Geralt and Lavinia share a passionate reunion.

Fifteen Minutes

Character: Walter Marshall x Unnamed Black!OFC

Rating: Explicit

Summary: What Walter does with 15 minutes of his time.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Pairing: Syverson x Reader

Rating: Mature

Summary: When an unexpected pregnancy rocks your already uncertain world, you decide the best option is to run. Apocalypse AU.

Pretty As A Picture

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Summary: What started as a hobby day in the park turns into Lloyd Hansen showing you why taking photos of strangers is a bad idea.

Something Old, Something New

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Nick Fowler x Reader

Summary: Your childhood best friend invites you to your old vacation spot for her wedding, and you have been catching up with your first crush: her recently divorced big brother Nick.

Oxytocin

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Older!Black!Fem!OFC

Summary: At a New Year's Eve party, Ransom Drysdale's life is forever changed by a chance meeting with Ivy Kensington.

My Little Strawberry

Pairing: Syverson x Black!Reader (Peaches)

Rating: Mature

Summary: A follow-up to Shape Up. Sy has a conversation with his baby girl while she’s still in your stomach.

Doing Something Unholy

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Charles Brandon x Reader

Summary: This is a prompt fill for some teasing of Charles Brandon and then him taking over.

Praise You

Rating: General, pure fluff

Pairing: Clark Kent x Insecure PlusSize!Reader

Summary: Clark Kent loves everything about you, especially what you think are your flaws.

Get My Pretty Name Outta Your Mouth

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Reader

Summary: You hate everything about Detective Walter Marshall. He feels the same about you. Now, kiss!

Shape-Up

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Cpt Syverson x Black!Reader (Peaches)

Summary: Syverson and his girl, Peaches, try and trim his beard without causing a ruckus. Spoiler alert: they fail.

Follow-up to Shape-Up: My Little Strawberry

The Paganini Problem

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Wife!Reader

Summary: Being Sherlock’s wife proves to be difficult when a case stumps him.

Power Play: After Hours

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x Assistant!Black!Reader

Summary: What happens when Lloyd sees you, his assistant, in something other than what you usually wear? Well, you should be worried about what he does when he sees you.

No Good Deeds

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Landlord!Ari Levinson x Reader

Summary: Moving out on your own is challenging, but your landlord, Mr. Levinson is kind and helpful. But he may want more from you than your tenancy.

Executive Temptation

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: CEO!August Walker x Employee!Reader

Summary: You’ve caught the eye of CEO August Walker. What happens when he asks you to go to his private office?

Walter Marshall - Hobbies

Lloyd Hansen - Family, Quirks/Hobbies, Sleep

Lloyd Hansen - What happens when reader starts dressing to match lloyd?

Walter Marshall (Night Hunter)

Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher)

Clark Kent (Man of Steel, BvS, Justice League)

Humphrey (Stardust)

Charles Brandon (The Tudors)

Mike (Hellraiser: Hellworld)

Napoleon Solo (The Man from U.N.C.L.E.)

August Walker (Mission: Impossible - Fallout)

Will Shaw (The Cold Light of Day)

Sherlock Holmes (Enola Holmes films)

Captain Syverson (Sand Castle)

Evan Marshall (Blood Creek)

Melot (Tristan and Isolde)

Thomas Apreas (Hotel Laguna)

Chas Quilter (The Inspector Lyndley Mysteries)

Stephen Colley (I Capture the Castle)

I DO NOT WRITE RPF FOR HENRY

Lloyd Hansen (The Gray Man)

Andy Barber (Defending Jacob)

Ransom Drysdale (Knives Out)

Steve Rogers (Avengers films)

Curtis Everett (Snowpiercer)

Ari Levinson (The Red Sea Diving Resort)

Nick Gant (PUSH)

Jake Jensen (The Losers)

Frank Adler (Gifted)

I DO NOT WRITE RPF FOR CHRIS

Bucky Barnes (Marvel)

Charles Blackwood (We Have Always Lived in the Castle)

Steve Kemp (Fresh)

Max (Sharper)

Nick Fowler (The 355)

Lee Bodecker (The Devill All The Time)

Chris (Destroyer)

Justin Capshaw (Law & Order)

I DO NOT WRITE RPF FOR SEBASTIAN

Let me know if you wanna be added and for what plz, so far only these categories 😁 Let me know if you ever want to be removed!

General Fanfiction (Everything)

Henry Character Fanfiction

Chris Character Fanfiction

August Walker

Bright Like The Moon

Love, Napoleon!

Daddy Knows Best

Don't Take My Sunshine Away

The Howling in Claw Creek Forest

~Please DON'T ask me to tag you in a series that you've never 'liked' or 'reblogged'. It's just kind of rude. Also, don't ask for an ETA on the next chapter.~

*Blog Header, Cover Art for fics, Masterlist Header/MDNI 18+ Banner, Support/Reblog banner and Masterlist Dividers made by me in Canva*

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countingstars-17 · 1 year

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Charles Leclerc and Amadeus at the 73rd Sanremo Music Festival on February 11, 2023

#charles leclerc #amadeus #sanremo 2023 #formula 1 #f1 #gifs #e ora manca solo la cittadinanza

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viking-raider · 1 month

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All the options I could put up xD

You inspired this @littlefreya

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arctickat2400 · 2 months

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I apologize for any misspellings. Stupid autocorrect 🙄

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womp-womp-chomp-chomp · 11 months

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🪑🪑🪑

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sillyrabbit81 · 2 years

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"If you've got nothing else, passion will get you through."

Henry Cavill

#henry cavill #henry cavill gifs #sillyrabbit81 gifs #i'll bet he gives the best beard rides #my next learning curve #henry cavill characters #captain syverson #august walker #walter marshall #geralt of rivia #napoleon solo #clark kent #charles brandon #hellraiser mike #mike hellraiser #rabbitsgifs multiple

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avaparation · 12 days

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They're the same picture

Shoutout to whoever edited the King Charles one into emperor Palpatine

#that was my first thought #tbh #king charles lll #king charles iii #king charles #King Charles portrait #portrait #Charles portrait #han solo #frozen in carbonite #star wars #idk which movie it was #jonathan yeo #british monarchy #charles iii #royal portraits

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livesinfantasyland · 4 months

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Moodboards Masterlist

Henry Cavill

Date night

Argylle premier

Date in Italy

The one where you meet Henry Cavill and Chris Evans

Henry in his sluty era

Tea date

Happy Birthday Henry!

Romantic Getaway

Haldi Ceremony

Mehndi Ceremony

Geralt of Rivia

Geralt encounters a mysterious creature

Aretuza ball

Cozy day

Bathing with the Witcher

King Geralt x Queen Reader

Sherlock Holmes

Colonial era lovers (1)

Colonial era lovers (2)

Peacock encounter

Veena and violin

Beauty and the beast

Love blooms in Heeramandi

Napoleon Solo

Two skillful thieves

August Walker

The one where he falls for someone he can't have

Part-2 of "The one where he falls for someone he can't have"

Captain Syverson

Dating Sy

Charles Brandon

King Charles x Queen Reader

King Charles x Twaif (Courtesan) Reader

Walter Marshall

Journalist reader

Robert Pattinson

Batman x Reader

Clark Kent/ August Walker/ Charles Brandon

The one where the wife is a serial killer

Gus March Phillips

Gus March Phillips x Spy Reader

Dividers by @saradika

#moodboard #sherlock holmes moodboard #henry cavill moodboard #august walker mood board #Napoleon Solo Moodboard #walter marshall moodboard #geralt of rivia moodboard #henry cavill #august walker #captain sy #geralt of rivia #the witcher #napoleon solo #charles brandon #desi!reader #desi tumblr

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delicate-moon-princess · 2 years

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His Favorite "Toy" to Use

Hi, everyone! I want to thank you all for 129 followers!! I can’t believe it. Your support has made me feel so inspired 🥹. I really can’t thank you enough. To celebrate this milestone, I thought I could take a shot at writing a sexy headcanon. Enjoy!

His Favorite “Toy” to Use

Warnings: 18+ smut, use of sex toys and other sex accessories, RPF, p in v, tiny bit of fingering, oral (m and f receiving), deepthroating, bdsm aspects, little bit of daddy kink, pet play, humiliation, anal play, corporal punishment, overstimulation, bodily fluids, mild sense deprivation, temperature play (both hot and cold)- Let me know if I forgot anything!

Any typos are my own!

Henry-Rabbit Vibrator

The toy sits in your underwear drawer. And whenever Henry is in the mood to use it, he walks towards the bed while holding it behind his back.

His grin gives it away, you already know what’s in his hand. Cheeky man.

You lean back against his chest as he sits up against the headboard. His legs keep yours apart as he holds the toy inside you.

He gets a rush from seeing your expression as your clit and g-spot are simultaneously struck by the vibrations. Occasionally, he moves the toy back and forth to heighten the sensation.

“You’re shaking, sweetheart. Does that feel good? Are you gonna cum for me, hm? You’re so beautiful when you cum.” He murmurs in your ear as you gasp.

He drags orgasm after orgasm out of you, making you gush around the silicon plenty of times. He beams in pride as you make the toy and his hand drip with your fluids. Luckily, he always has the foresight to put a towel down.

More characters under the cut…

August-Spreader Bar

The bar fastened to your ankles holds your legs apart. And as opposed to ropes or cuffs, it gives August the perfect handle to toss you around as he pleases.

Sometimes, he just flips you around to savor the dazed, fucked-out look in your eyes. Your expression feeds the feral animal inside him. You're his little ragdoll.

Other times, he loves to stand you up in front of him. Your legs spread wide, he straps a magic wand (his second favorite toy) to your thigh. The vibrating head is pressed to your clit.

The constant, intense buzzing has you dripping. Tears escape your eyes when your arousal coats your thighs and leaks down onto the carpet. Your toes curl as you sob.

“You’re making a mess on Daddy’s floor, princess. What am I to do with such a messy girl?” He clicks his tongue while shaking his head. You’re in for it now.

Sherlock-His Cane

It’s a muiltool. Used for walking, or a weapon if need be. Sherlock’s cane is also the perfect symbol of his immense power and social status.

And if you’re being mouthy with him, he won't hesitate to punish you with it. After he’s had enough of your attitude, he makes you strip and crawl naked to the bedroom in front of him.

That’s when you know better than to disobey him, so you just hang your head and crawl. Whenever you slow down to stall your thrashing, the tip of his cane nudges your ass to urge you forward.

“Keep going, little rabbit. Your punishment awaits. Save your tears, you know a naughty pet gets the cane.” He scolds you. Humiliation is always part of your punishment.

He’s excited by the loud sobs you let out whenever his cane whacks your tender bottom. He only stops when there are welts on your throbbing flesh.

Afterwards, he sits on the edge of the bed with your head in his lap as he strokes your hair. When you're done sobbing against his trousers, he gently cares for your wounds like the good husband he is.

Geralt-Gag

He doesn’t need any fancy toys. Geralt has two hands, a mouth, and a cock to please you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t take joy in hearing you cry from underneath a gag as he slams into your poor body. And when you’re spending the night at an inn and he doesn't want to draw unwanted attention to the two of you, it helps.

It’s usually just a piece of cloth shoved between your teeth and tied behind your head. The fabric presses down onto your tongue, making you drool and gag whenever you try to whine.

It doesn’t muffle you completely. So when you let out an especially loud moan that can be heard despite the gag, his hand comes up to grip your throat.

“Silence yourself…. Before I shove my cock between your lips and do it for you.” He hisses, squeezing your throat hard enough that you get the idea.

It takes great effort not to sob as he fucks you even harder, keeping his hand on your throat as a warning. With his Witcher stamina, he doesn’t tire till the early hours of the morning. After your pulsating cunt has been fucked and filled by him dozens of times.

Sy-Jewel Butt Plug

Sy always makes sure to prep your tight hole with his fingers and plenty of lube before he slips it inside you. A jewel in the shape of a red heart greets him after your hole closes around the plug.

“What a sweet little pucker you got there, darlin’.” He growls, squeezing your ass in his large hands. He spanks you with a cheeky grin.

He plants a kiss right on the gem. His mouth makes the plug shift inside you, which jarrs you enough to squeal softly.

With a pillow under your hips to keep them elevated, Sy fucks you while you lay on you stomach. His large hands keep your cheeks spread, that way he never loses sight of the red jewel cradled in your hole.

He’ll pull out to cum, coating your ass in his thick seed. It drips onto the plug, marking the shiny treasure between your cheeks as his own.

Walter-Rope

This may or may not come as a surprise, but Walter is really into rope play. In the rare free time he has, he often studies the art of shibari. He’s mastered plenty of knots to trap you in.

Your arms and legs are hogtied behind your back, which is his favorite position to tie you in. He flips you over onto your front and drags your face to the edge of the bed. He uses your immobility as an opportunity to stand in front of you and fuck your throat.

You're drooling and gagging as he uses your mouth for his own pleasure. He keeps one hand in your hair as he watches your movements closely. Always keeping an eye out for your safe signal.

“I’m gonna cum all over that pretty face of yours, and you're going to thank me for it, little slut. Because you’re nothing but a cum hungry whore. That’s it. Cry for it.” He snarls, loving to see tears slip from your eyes.

Walter is adamant about aftercare, especially after hardcore scenes. He’s quick to untie you and massage your tense muscles.

He gives you water and lathers your raw flesh with some healing cream. His gentle praising and soft kisses ease you back down to reality.

Clark-Feather Tickler

It’s a tiny bit cheesy, sure. But that's just who Clark is; a traditional man. When he first presented you with the feather, he couldn’t stop blushing and grinning like a fool. You’ve never seen him so excited to try something in the bedroom.

He traces the wispy black feather all along your body. Goosebumps rise on your skin. You gasp when he tickles your nipples, making them perk up.

His mouth encloses over one of the hard buds as he trails the feather down your stomach to your pussy. It ghosts over your slit so delicately it makes you ache. You finally whine and beg him for more. He only continues to tease you.

It makes you so sensitive and needy. You threaten to use it on him next if he doesn’t indulge you soon. Of course, this only makes him want to do it more.

“Is that a promise, sweetheart?” He raises a brow with a playful smirk.

Napoleon-Blindfold

Napoleon wants everything he does to you to be a surprise. So, he cuts off your sense of sight with a silk blindfold. Sometimes, it’s paired with one of his silk ties holding your hands above your head.

To add to the deprivation of your senses, he even spins sensual music on the record player. He keeps the volume low, but it’s just enough for him to sneak around the room without you hearing him.

You don’t hear or see him reach for the bucket of ice holding the bottle of expensive champagne. Letting an ice cube rest between his lips, he leans down to trace his mouth along your neck.

Breathy gasps escape you as he trails the ice down your form. Along your collarbone, over your nipples and down your stomach. He lets the cube rest in your belly button so he can speak.

“I think this hot little pussy of yours needs a cooling down, don’t you think, darling?” He smirks before he takes the ice back in his mouth. You let out a cry when the ice touches your heated cunt.

He spends the night with his head buried between your legs, lapping up the water from the ice and your sweet nectar. Napoleon is a man of fine tastes, and you’re his favorite meal after all.

Charles-Candle Wax

You’re on your stomach as Charles holds the lit candle above your back. The hot wax drips onto your flesh and the initial burn makes you gasp. You’re reduced to whimpers as it cools and hardens.

The sensation makes you squirm, your arousal leaking onto the bed. He only chuckles and continues to hover the candle above you. Your body jerks when each drip hits you. Wax coats your shoulders, back and ass before he sets it aside.

His fingers wick away a bit of wax. You moan when his cool fingers soothe the mild burns on your skin. One of his hands comes up to massage the back of your neck as he admires the work he did on your back.

When his fingers dip between your legs, you whine. He hums, spreading your moist lips so he can gaze at your glistening folds. He lets out a moan when he collects some of your wetness on his finger.

“You’re absolutely drenched, darling. Do you enjoy the pain? Oh, indeed you do. What a wanton little thing you are, my love.” He whispers in your ear with a smirk, sinking his finger into your aching hole.

Mike-Vibrating Cockring

He came across it when he was making a snack run at the drugstore. On top of all the chips and candy he got, he also got the cockring. Mike can be a bit…impulsive.

The band makes him last even longer. It also makes him swell up, adding onto what is already a monstrously sized cock. As you ride him, it feels like you’re being impaled by his size.

With each bounce of your hips, the buzzing drums onto your clit. At times, you just grind to savor the feeling. You toss your head back and moan.

“Look at my girl work for it. So fuckin’ hot when you ride my dick, baby.” He grins, holding your winding hips.

He’s giddy as he watches you whine and grind on him. He gives your ass a swift smack. Seems like for once his impulsiveness paid off.

A/N: I tried to show all our boys equal lovin’ with 150-200ish words each. And I didn’t include all of Henry’s characters opps. Anyways, thank you all so much! I hope you have a good night/day. 🥰

Taglist: @sunshine-with-daisy @leigh70 @islacharlotte @lysarria @kebabgirl67 @pandaxnienke @identity2212 @sunndust

#henry cavill headcanon #henry cavill characters #henry cavill x reader #august walker x reader #sherlock x reader #henry!sherlock holmes x reader #geralt x reader #captain syverson x reader #walter marshall x reader #clark kent x reader #napoleon solo x reader #charles brandon x reader #hellraiser mike x reader #mike x reader #henry cavill fic #henry cavill smut #henry cavill imagine

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theroyalsandi · 7 months

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British Royal Family - King Charles III adorable reaction when the guests sung him a happy birthday song as he attends his 75th birthday party hosted by the Prince's Foundation at Highgrove House in Tetbury, England | November 13, 2023

#royaltyedit #theroyalsandi #charles iii #king charles iii #charles gif #charles gif 2023 #charles 2023 #charles solo #charles solo 2023 #charles solo nov 2023 #charles nov 2023 #british gif #british gif 2023 #british 2023 #british nov 2023 #british royal family #my gif

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raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 month

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Part 31 - The bathroom equation

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 30 -- Part 32

Summary: The guys (and girls) take to the group chats to discuss some serious issues

Warnings: Post contains generalizations. Please don't murder me for that.

Word count: Exactly 3k!!!!

**A/N: **SO! The guys joined me in the shower yesterday (not as sexy as it sounds, unfortunately) and as @geralts-yenn and I had had a discussion about what the house groupchat would look like (including very necessary shadow-group with just the girls, and a group chat with everyone who regularly spends time at that house...) this is what I came up with.

[The guys' chat is 179CS🏡, the girls are 179CS🧠🧠, and the everyone-group is 179CS Full🏡]

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69 @livisss @sillyrabbit81

@ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos @thelastsock @wa-ni

@proud-aroace-beastie @totalwool

Mike:

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Sherlock: Great, she’s asking me what I’m laughing at.

August: If you value your life, don’t show her.

Sherlock: And if she steals his phone and sees it anyway? Xoxo Elena

Marshall: Paramedics or police?

Charles: Both.

August: Both.

Leon: Both.

Marshall: 👍🏻

Sherlock: They’ll never get here in time 😈

Mike: Nice knowing you, buddy ❤️

Elena: Dani, get your man in line.

Dani: What he do?

Elena: [video]

Ange: I mean…

Sol: He’s not… wrong…

Dani: He sent me that 🙊

Lexi: Is he okay?

Dani: Was he okay to begin with? 😂

Ange: Not that we know of…

Sy: Speaking of showers… We need rules.

Mike: Eh, why?

Sy: Because I was late for my date yesterday.

August: Which is our problem… how?

Leon: It’s not.

Charles: 👆🏻

Sy: In a house shared by eight guys there’s no excuse for a line for the bathroom!

Mike: Some of us have ✨girlfriends✨

Mike: You should try it sometime

Sy: 🦆🫵🏻 ❤️

Mike: Aww ❤️

Charles: He has a point, though.

Charles: Don’t appreciate getting yelled at for taking a shit in my own damn bathroom.

August: Not to mention the hair.

Sherlock: I don’t see the problem there? Just ask them to clean the drain when they’re done?

Leon: Spoken like a man who has never once in his life watched a woman clean a shower drain…

August: Good luck and farewell, Holmes

Sherlock: ?

Mike: Tears will be cried. Drains will be cleaned — by you.

Mike: Murder may be committed.

Sherlock: Surely, it can’t be that bad?

Geralt: No, he pretty much nailed it.

August: As much as I hate to admit it, the man is right.

Sy: So. New rules?

Leon: House meeting?

Mike: Sure. We’re all home, right?

Sy: Nope.

Mike: What? Why?

Sy: … sometimes when a date goes well, you end up staying over.

Sy: Are there other questions you need answered, bud?

Mike: I think I’m good…

Charles: Ladies, enough with the gossip

Leon: Right. Some of us have work to do.

Charles: Exactly

Sherlock: I highly doubt he was referring to you, Brandon.

Mike: Oooh, mad shade!!! xoxo Dani

Charles: Thanks. Sy, the complaint?

Sy: I had to wait in line to take a shower because the bathrooms were overrun by women.

Leon: Noted. The proposal?

Sy: I’m just pointing out the problem. Someone smarter than me can worry about the solution 🤷🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: Am I right to assume asking the girls to just… spend less time in the bathroom would result in murder, as well?

Sherlock: Never mind, Elena is nodding violently next to me right now.

Mike: What do you want us to do? Assign all the girls to one bathroom?

August: That might work, actually.

Leon: Doesn’t sound like a terrible idea.

Charles: Yes?

Mike: Wow, the one time I have a good idea, I don’t even realize it’s a good idea…

Mike: Wait, no.

Mike: I’m not permanently sharing a bathroom with seven of you because we sometimes have girls over.

August: Kid has a point.

Mike: I’m on a roll today! 😎

Sherlock: That leaves us with the question of how many women would have to be present to necessitate giving them their own bathroom, correct?

Marshall: If you desperately want to make it sound like math, then yes.

Sherlock: Not math. Logic.

Sherlock: And I find myself compelled to point out that I understand and enjoy logic.

August: Dealing with women is an aggravating experience, then, isn’t it?

Sherlock: Absolutely mystifying. But I’ve found that thus far the benefits outweigh the costs.

Mike: You know, for you… That’s actually kinda sweet 😂

Marshall: Romantic 👍🏻

Leon: Don’t tell her that…

Charles: Guys, seriously!

August: Right. Sol and Ange together never caused any problems.

Sherlock: Neither have any… liaisons of a fleeting nature

Mike: Hookups. You mean hookups.

Sherlock: You couldn’t pay me to say that.

Charles: Moot point. The average walk of shame happens before the shower.

Leon: It’s not like they stay for breakfast…

Leon: Beat me to it 😂🤜🏻

Charles: 🤛🏻

Geralt: The both of you are unbearable.

Geralt: August is right.

August: But…

Geralt: Sol and Ange don’t cause problems because Sol doesn’t take forever in the shower.

August: Right. But Angel is a nightmare, and so is Elena. Those two alone are enough to cause traffic.

Sherlock: Correct me if I’m wrong, but ‘Elena and Anjelica together, or either of those combined with any two others, or neither of them but a minimum of three others’ sounds like the kind of rule that will ensure we won’t even need it for the foreseeable future.

Sy: It also gives me a headache.

Mike: I don’t think I even understood enough of it to get a headache…

Sherlock: Minimum of 3, then ask me and Angie to not occupy both bathrooms at the same time. 🙄🙄🙄 Problem solved. You’re all still in trouble for even talking about this ❤️❤️❤️

Ange: They’re giving us what now???

Elena: Bathroom rules…

Dani: Tell me you’re kidding 🙃🙃

Elena: Dead fucking serious 🙄

Sol: Why?

Elena: Apparently 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Elena: We caused a traffic jam last night and made Sy late for his date???

Elena: Fairly sure Alicia didn’t mind because he’s still over there 🙄🙄🙄

Ange: What are the rules?

Elena: I don’t know. I’m glaring at Sherlock from a distance now.

Elena: I’m pleased to report he looks terrified every time I do 😈😈

Elena: They’re considering a girls’ bathroom.

Ange: I’m considering permanent occupation of all bathrooms.

Elena: Your boy called us both nightmares, by the way 😇😇

Elena: Apparently we take too long to shower, idk

Sol: You both take your time, sure…

Elena: Okay, fine. But he doesn’t have to point that out 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Ange: Funeral invitations to follow…

Ange: No but seriously

Ange: He thinks I take too long in the shower?

Ange: Fine!

Ange: I’ll take shorter showers!

Dani: He really said that? 💀

Ange: Let’s see how he feels about that in a week or two.

Ange: Enjoy flossing, August 🙃🙄

Dani: 👀👀 [the agonizing scream you just heard was brought to you by me spitting my drink over Mike’s keyboard]

Lexi: 🙊 Mike and keyboard both okay?

Dani: Keyboard fine, Mike hyperventilating. He’ll be alright, back to you Ange.

Ange: I might have to rescind this attitude…

Ange: As much as I want to get back at him for this, I don’t want him to run…

Sol: You really think he’d care? Ange… he loves you…

Ange: Not that much…

Lexi: Girl, please?? Have you seen the way that man looks at you?

Ange: … He’s never seen me, like… untweezed and unshaved and whatever

Dani: Never?

Ange: Never ever ever.

Sol: 👀👀

Sol: But why?? I only shave when I feel like it – which is almost never – and Geralt has never said anything??

Ange: Girl, you’re a blonde 👀👀

Ange: I don’t wax this stache, 2 weeks from now you’ll be confusing me for August. I swear.

Lexi: Okay there’s literally no way that’s true.

Dani: And even if it was, he’d still love you.

Ange: Yeah but I’m not about to find out, thanks.

Lexi: It’s your body, obviously

Elena: Do what feels comfortable

Dani: But if you do ever miss a day and he does say something nasty…

Elena: I’ll grab the shovels 😇😇

Leon: Ladies and gentlemen — mostly ladies. A little PSA regarding an update in the house rules at 179th Crescent Street. It was recently brought to my/our attention that the addition of a number of regular overnight guests has created a somewhat unmanageable situation in the realm of bathroom use. Therefore, the new policy is as follows: When three or more of the girlfriends are staying over, the upstairs bathroom is all yours! Management is currently unavailable for negotiation.

Charles: TLDR: take your long-ass showers on the second floor. Please.

Ange: This message was deleted.

August: I saw that.

Elena: Oh, I’ll say it with my chest

Elena: You all suck.

Sherlock: No…

Mike: Whatever you do, man, don’t finish that thought 😂

Sherlock: I think they got the message regardless.

Ange: Oh, we got it alright…

Dani: You’re lucky you’re cute, Sherlock 🙄

Mike: Hey!

Lexi: I’m so sorry to say this but… Over my cold, dead body am I walking up a flight of stairs in the middle of the night to pee.

Charles: @Leon Told you the ‘not up for negotiation’ thing wasn’t going to work.

Leon: It was worth a try.

Geralt: We’re not banning anyone from the house for using the ‘wrong’ bathroom

Sol: Then why the pointless rule?

Sy: Because yesterday BOTH bathrooms were occupied for well over two hours!!!

Sy: Seriously, what do you do in there?

Mike: Elaborate satanic rituals?

Sol: Occasionally.

Ange: Let’s see… Do we actually enlighten them?

Mike: Please do, I’m curious now…

Charles: I know what happens when I’m also in the shower… 😏

Ange removed Charles

Ange: Any other takers?

August: Angel…

Ange: Don’t tell me I’m overreacting!

August: I didn’t say a word 😑

Ange added Charles

Ange: Behave.

Charles: 🤐

Elena: Good boy.

Leon: Do you say that to Sherlock, too? 😏

Ange removed Leon

Marshall: Jesus, Ange…

Ange: Ugh, fine.

Ange added Leon

Mike: Seriously, girls… Other than summoning the occasional demon — what are you doing in there?

Sol: I’m gonna let Elena and Angie handle this one…

Ange: Alright. So first I check if I have all 4059834 items I’m going to need. Then at some point you’ll have to get naked, unfortunately…

Dani: Look at everything you hate about yourself for a solid 5 minutes until you’re nice and depressed

Elena: Didn’t come here to be called out like this, but thanks 🙄🙄

Sol: Poke your boobs and watch them jiggle because it’s funny until you’re less depressed

Mike: Getting jealous…

Ange: Then you turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up

Lexi: To those ungodly temperatures from the pits of hell, you know? 👀👀

Mike: I’m not apologizing for that video, just so you know.

Lexi: That’s actually useful time to make sure you find the right playlist ✨✨

Sy: YOU DON’T NEED A PLAYLIST FOR A SHOWER

Lexi: Hard disagree

Elena: Yes, we do.

Sol: … Am I supposed to listen to my own thoughts in the shower?

Ange: I’d never be able to suppress my homicidal tendencies ever again, holy shit…

Dani: Then we actually get in the shower and warm up because the bathroom is cold, just like our souls.

Marshall: I’m genuinely learning more than I’ve ever wanted to know…

Mike: This is already taking longer than my whole entire shower…

Ange: And we’re not even close to being done.

Elena: @Ange Especially us…

Leon: Okay, fine, I’ll bite… Why is it different for the two of you?

Sol: Because they have curls?

Charles: That makes a difference?

Sy: So?

Mike: Why does THAT matter?

Marshall: Is that… important??

Elena: You’re all so clueless, it’s almost cute 🥺

Ange: @Marshall you actually might want to pay attention to this…

Ange: Alright. By the time I’m warm, my hair is usually wet all the way through

Ange: Massively heavy, by the way.

Ange: It’s hair-washing time! Which, idk about @Elena, but I have to do this in at least 4 sections if I don’t want to miss half of it.

Elena: I can get by with 2, but 4 is better.

Elena: Of course, 9/10 times I fucking forgot to section it before getting in the shower.

Ange: Obviously. So now you’re wrangling your wet hair into submission

Elena: Which is damn near impossible.

Ange: Exactly. But when that’s finally done, you can get to washing it.

Elena: And rinsing it until there’s absolutely no way there’s still any shampoo left.

Ange: Which takes a long ass time, BTW.

Ange: Then it’s ✨deep conditioner✨ time!!! Like… it’s always deepco time. I don’t even use regular conditioner anymore because my hair thinks it’s pointless. So like. That.

Elena: Mood.

Ange: And that stuff needs to sit in your hair for like 15-30 minutes

Mike: That’s like… 3 whole showers…

Charles: I don’t even spend this kind of time on my schoolwork 👀

Geralt: That’s not something to be proud of.

Sherlock: Imagine what you could do if you did.

Ange: Either way, it’s okay, because next… We exfoliate.

August: For those who haven’t been keeping count, we’re on step 12 or something. Jesus.

Charles: @Leon what the damn hell does our water bill look like?

Sol: Pay attention! Exfoliate! Then shave. Which, when you’re 6 feet tall in the showers here… damn near impossible, by the way.

Elena: (Cut yourself at least twice no matter how long you’ve been doing it…)

Lexi: Ohh! Cubicle yoga while holding a razor!!!

Dani: And while wet and slippery…

Ange: We’re superhuman 💃🏻

Sy: You’re nuts is what you are. All of you!

Dani: Anyway, when we reach baby dolphin status…

Dani: Which doesn’t happen until we’ve checked at least three times if we haven’t missed any spots…

Dani: I personally squeeze in brushing my teeth and skincare before rinsing my conditioner.

Elena: 👆🏻

Ange: Same! If I’m paying like 30 dollars for a hair mask that’ll barely last me two weeks, I’m gonna at least spend some time with it 👀✨

Sol: So that’s teeth and face wash in the shower. Then rinse that conditioner.

Ange: Which — again — takes a while if you have curly and/or a lot of hair.

Ange: Also, before I rinse my hair, I spend an ungodly amount of time detangling it with my fingers, which I have to do while the mask/conditioner is in. So…

Marshall: And at this point you’re finally nearly done, right?

Sherlock: … please, for the love of God, let it almost be over!

Ange: Oh, my precious little babies ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lexi: At this point we’re slowly considering getting out of the shower, yes.

Dani: But the rest of the bathroom is cold, so we take our time gathering the courage to get out.

Leon: 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Sherlock: The entire bathroom is hot enough to steam salmon at this point!

Mike: And yet, they manage to emerge from Mordor absolutely freezing…

Sol: When we do finally manage to make it out, we wrap ourselves in the biggest towel we can find…

Ange: By the way, ladies, you can thank me and Sol for the presence of the big towels in this house.

Sol: Oh GOD I remember the first shower I ever took here.

Geralt: The towels were fine.

Sol: …………. Geralt, I love and respect you, but you’re wrong and also stupid. ❤️

Ange: You’ll pay for that…

Sol: Looking forward to it 😈😈

Mike: Please continue…

Dani: We’re left with the rest of our skincare. So; toner, 1-3 serums, moisturizer. Sunscreen or oil, for me, depending on the time of day.

Ange: But the mirror is fogged up from the shower, so you have to deal with that…

Leon: YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR FACE IS, DON’T YOU?

Ange: Yes, but it’s also very pretty so I wanna look at it. Thanks.

Lexi: How can I meticulously study all the imperfections in my skin if I can’t see my face???

Dani: Exactly! (To both of those things, simultaneously)

Dani: So, after that, it’s time to moisturize everything you’ve exfoliated and/or shaved.

Elena: Which is… pretty much everything.

Sol: Cue deep sigh because this is where you find out you actually did miss a spot somewhere.

Ange: And then it’s back to the hair for the curly girls!

Elena: Leave in ❤️❤️❤️

Marshall: What?

Sy: ??

Mike: Wut?

Ange: It’s like conditioner, but you don’t rinse it out.

Sherlock: @Elena the stuff that smells good?

Elena: Yes 😂😂😂

Dani: Which reminds me; @Elena, is that your Quench in the bathroom or mine? I can’t remember…

Elena: Oh, God, me neither…

August: Settle this in the shadow group, ladies.

Lexi: You know about that, huh? 😂

Dani: Shit, they figured it out…

Sol: Not surprised… They’re not completely clueless…

Ange: Just mostly…

August: Thanks. Enough of that.

Ange: Okay daddy 🥺❤️❤️

August: 🙄

Ange: Anyway. After the leave-in and maybe two or three other products, I wrap my hair up in my hair-towel — or hair-tshirt.

Charles: Another towel? Why in the fuck?

Ange: Boys. I understand that you don’t give a fuck about this, but…

Ange: Regular towels are actually not good for your hair.

Elena: 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

Lexi: Besides… You can’t dry long hair and your body with 1 towel…

Sol: What she said.

Sol: What they both said, actually.

Leon: Are we finally at the end of all of this?

Leon: I’ve literally never been more glad to not have a girlfriend, jesus fucking christ…

Dani: Yeah, pretty much… You get dressed, dreading the cold of the hallway, and then we quickly go find a boy to snuggle up to who can then tell us we smell nice and are very soft, so we can convince ourselves we didn’t just spend an unholy amount of time doing all of that for absolutely nothing.

August: All of this is… insane.

Ange: Hey! I can stop doing half of this, if you think it’s so unnecessary 🙄🙄

Elena: Now that I think about it… It wouldn’t even save any time, because you still need to let the conditioner sit, so…

Charles: Right, ladies, this was very interesting…

Charles: I’m going to take a shower now.

Charles: Talk to you in about… 10 minutes 🙄

Sy: Remind me to never ask any of you any questions literally ever again…

#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill characters #mike hellraiser #sherlock holmes #walter marshall #august walker #napoleon solo #charles brandon #captain syverson #college au #fluff

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