.

I had this dream where Achilles was just a teen living at the beach and the father was a scientist who invented a machine that helped you change forms.

It was not an accident when Achilles went inside the machine and started changing shapes. That machine had been built by a loving father with the purpose of releasing the beauty that threatened to burst his kid's body. And oh, how Achilles flew across that bruising sky among rainbow sparks chasing the trail the shapeshifting body created. There were wings and hooves, hair longer than the Earth, smiles wider than a mountain ranges. Achilles changed and changed, the body burned and burned. The features of that face were the ones of a lover, a child, the lady you passed down the street, the soldier weeping on the battlefield, the bird reaching its nest, the waves riding the wind, every surfer Achilles was friends with, every classmate, every teacher. Achilles was and was, 'til she landed in laughter and hit the arms of her father and used her boyish hands to clean the tears in her cheeks.

Do you think joy has a gender?

Achilles room had an aquarium on one wall. He liked to surf in the afternoon. If he climbed the aquarium and fell in it, the other side would be his father's lab. All the windows faced the sun and the sea. His father entered the machine a few minutes each day 'cause he wanted to look like a celebrity. They'd sit, his father showing Achilles men from magazines. I want his nose, he'd say. The father never faltered in his speech, no matter the form of his kid that day. Do you feel an adult yet, Achilles? Today are you just a little girl?

I dreamed Achilles got scared suddenly. The body returned to its caged form so fast, he reduced in weight and hidden under one of the lab tablets, Achilles cried.

Have your body ever ached with the strength required to keep all of you inside?

Have you ever felt the need to change who you are for the satisfaction of others.

Life can pressure you into your body or out of your body. I think both things are bad enough.

Some people want to gain muscle or lose weight or get bigger boobs or a straighter nose so they can correctly breathe or get a penis or change the color of their hair or get pointy ears or correct their vision or—

We are always ourselves. I am Achilles, because I don't know how to drive just like a kid, but I have my own bank account like an adult. I cry watching anime, I'm writing a thesis on linguistics. I dyed my hair, I removed my wisdom teeth, I am not my body, my body is me.

I woke up thinking "hey, the father started having fun, but soon the expectations of others and the standards strange to him pushed him on a path of self-destruction" and "although the machine is not the answer to Achilles' problems, it's the magical vehicle that gives the kid the strength to face the world and search for what he needs. Similar to a magical kiss that breaks a spell, there's real love in fairytales, so why there's wouldn't be real hope for us and our bodies?"

It's the closest I've ever been to explaining why I am agender. Where the concept should be, there is a void I don't know how to dive in. I am more than my body, my body is mine, I like my body, but it is not all there is. How do I feel?

I'm Achilles. I'm not sure there is a name for what I am or a term that can describe me (it's my first time living, you know). For now, I just want to fly in this sky and burn.

About They/Them (About Us) - Daforge

I do not tend to post my DaForge fanfics on tumblr but since this one hit close to home, I decided to post it here so anyone can see. 

Tags: Non-Binary Geordi LaForge; Binary Data; talk about gender; gender identity; genderqueer.

Warnings: none, this is soft. 

Words: 2k

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The alarm rang, signalizing that someone was outside his quarters. Data looked up from his painting, turning his head to face the doorway, tilting his head as he wondered who would be visiting him at such late hours.

"Come in."

Placing his brush and pallet down, he turned his whole body to the door, tilting his head once he saw Geordi coming inside. Geordi was always one to sleep late, or sometimes not sleep at all, but considering the hard work he had put on in the last few days, Data was slightly confused as to why his boyfriend was in his quarters instead of sleeping as he should.

"Can we talk?" he asked, and Data nodded, nodding to the table and sitting down. Geordi did the same, sitting across from Data and looking down at his hands, seeming quite uncomfortable for some reason. Knowing that to be a sign of comfort and affection, Data laid his hands over the table with the palms up, so Geordi could reach out and take them. And he did, squeezing Data's hands gently.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, in a tone that could be considered worry. Geordi gave him a shy smile and shook his head, before sighing lightly and squeezing Data's hands again. That was a sign that he was nervous, but not yet sad or happy.

"No... not exactly" Geordi whispered, and sighed again. He had been sighing quite a lot, a human sign of anxiety and uncertainty. Data squeezed his hands back to show security, but it only caused Geordi to sigh again. "Sorry I'm very... nervous about this."

"Take your time" Data assured, watching Geordi and all his nuances. It was not usual, to see the engineer so out of his element, so Data made sure to study and observe all his reactions, how his brows furrowed, how he bit his lip without realizing, all the small twitches and flicks on his muscles. He was quite the sight, and also a very fun human to study.

Eventually, courage seemed to flourish in the engineer, and Geordi looked up at Data, his visor meeting with the android's eyes.

"Okay... remember when we visited the J'naii? Five months ago?" he asked, and Data nodded in agreement. "So, since then I've been thinking... quite a lot."

"About what?" Data inquired, trying to make this as comfortable for Geordi as possible. He was still perfecting his ability to calm humans down, it did not seem to be his forte, but he was trying his best. Geordi sighed once again, and shook his head, his head lowering down once more towards their hands.

"Well... about gender" he said, and Data tilted his head. Many theories rose in his mind, but he remained quiet to give Geordi space to formulate his next phrase. "I mean... about a society with no gender... genderless... sexless... sounds almost... crazy to me. I believe it sounds crazy to everyone in this ship."

"They were quite different, yes, but I believe a lack of gender identity is not the strangest characteristic we have found in different species" Data said, and Geordi chuckled lightly, in a nervous but also quite relaxed manner. His posture seemed to change, turning more relaxed, and Data made a personal note to try and make Geordi laugh more often.

"Yeah I mean you have a point" Geordi said, and sighed (again), squeezing Data's hand one more time. "But... never before I have been faced with... so many questions about myself before."

"Did our encounter with the J'naii made you question your approach to your gender?" Data asked, tilting his head and blinking as he accessed all the files available to him connected to human gender. Geordi would not know he was making that search, but perhaps it could answer some of Geordi's questionings. After a nod from the engineer, Data gave one of his own. "I believe most of the ship's personal was left with inquiries about gender identity after that encounter. It did seem to make most of the crew highly uncomfortable, although those feelings did not last for over two weeks."

"Yeah well mine has been lasting up until now. Not that I have talked to anyone about it" Geordi whispered, and seemed to become even more uncomfortable and unsure than he was previously. With a deep breath and another squeeze of Data's hands, he lifted his head again and looked at Data's face. "Data... what do you know about earth's twenty first century... non-binary term?"

"Non-binary. A person that does not adhere to binary gender conformities. A generalist expression to encompass all genders that do not align directly with male or female, or that align to both at a similar time. Examples are agender, genderfluid, gender-neutral, demigender, genderqueer, bigender, multigender-"

"Okay Data thanks" Geordi said, looking away, and when Data focused on him again, his face indicated a higher heat than the rest of his body. "Yeah... that's what I saw too. Apparently the idea of lack of gender has been used by us before... but abandoned for some reason."

"From what I can gather, the usage of non-binary terms was abandoned soon after space exploration began, to avoid confusion among other species" Data said, tilting his head. "Although it does seem to be an extremely narrow and unnecessary change, considering that many other species were found to have more than two genders during the Federation voyages."

"It's like racism Data. People just didn't like differences" Geordi mumbled, looking away and sighing. "Well... yeah. Turns out we once were open to the idea of many genders and that thought just... drifted off into space."

"However, I believe there are still non-binary people in Federation space" Data said, and Geordi looked at him again. "Even if it was abandoned by scholars, there are still pronouns and gender identities being used over at colonies and even Earth itself. So perhaps it is still not fully lost."

Geordi nodded slowly at that, looking around Data's room, squeezing his hands every now and then, seeming both tense and relaxed. After a long time in silence, he turned back to Data, and looked at him, pressing his lips together.

"Data... I think I'm non-binary" he said, as if it was crime confession. Data blinked slowly and tilted his head before he nodded.

"Very well."

Since Data did not know what else to say, they were in silence for quite some time before Geordi let out a nervous, restrained chuckle, shaking his head.

"God what else did I expect" he whispered, and sighed, pulling his hands away. In an act of instinct, something Data was not aware he had, the android held Geordi's hands tighter to keep him in place, and the engineer looked to him surprised.

"Forgive me. You believe you are non-binary. Go on" he said, and Geordi frowned.

"I don't think... there is anything to go on about."

"Of course there is. Tell me what you wish to tell me. How did you come to that conclusion? How will that change our relationship? Should I call you by a different pronoun?"

"Ooookay Data calm down" Geordi laughed and sat down more comfortably again, to Data's own relief (although technically he should not have felt nervous when Geordi moved). After fixing himself on his chair, Geordi hummed and looked at him. "I think... I might be non-binary, because of how much I related to the J'naii, in a way. I mean I know I still have the body of a man... and all that stuff, and I don't want to change it, but gender... the male gender... it's not really my thing you know?"

"I do not know, however I would like you to continue" Data said, honestly, and Geordi chuckled.

"Yeah okay. Honestly I just felt different my whole life... Not in a sense that I didn't wish to do what men did but... just... I don't know how to explain I just feel different. Like I'm not... a man. Nor a woman for that matter. I'm just... not."

"I believe that by the way you are describing your feelings towards gender, that you would meet a closer approach to the agender identity. A lack of connection with gender all together. Am I correct?"

"Yeah I guess so" Geordi said, and chuckled lightly. "It's... hard for me too, I never had to think about this until the J'naii... but like it feels so... clear. You know? Like it has always been inside of me, I just didn't see it."

"I, in fact, do not know" Data said and Geordi ended up giggling.

"Oh no? How do you know you're male Data?"

Data caught himself surprised by that question. He knew he was male, as he always felt comfortable with that approach, but how did he know? He had never questioned it before.

"Perhaps... it was the way I was programmed" Data suggested, in theory of course. "I was built with male sexual organs, and with a male anatomy. I was programmed by a male, and during my conversations with most of the crew I realized that I certainly act closer to a male than a female, even if sometimes I can act more feminine due to my looser approach to gender normality. I believe that doctor Soong programmed me to his image, the image of a male human, and therefore I have the characteristics of a male human, making myself a male."

"Would you care if people referred to you as madam Data? Or she?" Geordi asked, and Data furrowed his eyebrows.

"I would not emotionally care, however I would know they are wrong and correct them. Like I do whenever someone refers to me as an it."

"Yeah... so I guess you understand a little bit about gender too" Geordi chuckled, and squeezed his hand gently. Data looked at Geordi again, and nodded.

"Perhaps I do. More than I previously thought" he said, and leaned slightly over the table. "Geordi, from my researches, humans from the twenty first century that considered themselves agender usually used the pronouns they them to refer to themselves. It is considered a gender neutral pronoun, although there are also neopronouns that could be used in this case. Would you like me to refer to you, from now on, as they them?"

Geordi blinked slowly, clearly in a surprised manner to an unexpected event, and after a few seconds of consideration, he gave Data an unsure nod.

"Yes... I think I would like that" Geordi whispered, blinking slowly. "I mean we could try... I could be overthinking all of this. But I would like to try... as long as you don't tell anyone yet. Okay? Let's try among ourselves first."

"Sounds reasonable. Should I also refer to you as my partner, instead of my boyfriend, in all circumstances?" Data asked. He usually referred to Geordi as his partner anyway, but sometimes people required knowing Geordi's gender. Not that Data ever saw that as an important part of the relationship.

"I would like that" Geordi said with a new smile on their face, and Data squeezed their hand gently. "Thank you Data... I mean this could all be for nothing but..."

"It is a part of human experience to explore and discover more about themselves during their lifetime. If you realize this is not what you wished, I will go back. However if it makes you comfortable, I will do it. And I am glad you told me" Data said, and Geordi smiled wider, standing up and walking over to Data, shamelessly sitting on his lap and wrapping their arms around his neck.

"Thank you. I love you" they whispered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Data's lips. Of course Data would never say it back, because he could not feel, but he responded to the kiss and held Geordi's waist to maintain them from slipping away, considering their lack of attention at their current position.

It truly did not matter to Data, if Geordi was male, female, or non-binary. All that mattered was the human experience, and how well they fit together, as friends and as partners.

The rest were just... human intricacies.

I’m blurring this person’s name and icon, because I am not inviting a “””debate””” with them. I’ve encountered this person’s exclusionism before, and pointed out how fucked up it is, but I’m going to go off on it again, because here it’s cropped up again, and it’s still just... so fucked up. First off, fuck you for thinking that dressing up exclusionism in “civility” actually makes it any amount of civil, because a dagger in the back isn’t any more okay, just because you didn’t stab with aggression. I’m really tired of seeing people who absolutely should know better than this saying these kinds of things. So get ready for another post explaining how exclusionism flies in the face of our community’s history, basic compassion for others, and general sense.

“i believe we shouldn’t allow cishet aces within the LGBT community”

First point of order, there is no “allow” involved in this. Aces, right now, are a part of the community. You can’t say “I think I’ll let you sake a seat at this table” to somebody who’s already been sitting in a chair the whole time. Secondly, “cishet ace” is a self-contradicting phrase. You can not be a heterosexual asexual. You can be a cis ace. You can be a heteroromantic ace. But asexuality is not a kind of heterosexuality. It is a separate sexual identity.

And the term “cishet” was itself coined specifically to define those whith unconditional and unquestioned access to privilege and social acceptance for their identities. That does not apply to aces and never has.

“BUT i would encourage more recognition to the ace/aro community as well as proper sourcing on issues ace/aro people face that isn’t literally stealing from other people’s struggles”

You don’t encourage recognition of the a-spec community. You very directly don’t do that in any amount or way. If you think they’re “stealing from other people’s struggles”. Fucking christ, do you hear yourself? If somebody gets punched in the face and then somebody else says they got punched in the gut, would you tell them to stop “stealing from other people’s struggles”? I should hope the fuck you wouldn’t because that would be total nonsense with absolute lack of awareness. Aces aren’t stealing anything from anybody by just fucking Telling You what they deal with. And you’re probably referring to the fact that exclusionists reuse biphobic and transphobic rhetoric. Which is just. Mind boggling that you can recognize that’s what’s happening and then pin it on a-specs, as if them pointing out how fucked up it is is somehow the problem. Look... I'm not cis, and I'm not het. My whole identity is, at minimum, 3 kinds of queer, and I could expound on my identity. But right off the bat, I’m going to tell you I am ace. And you do not care about any part of me. When I hear people say "cishet aces don't belong at pride" the only thing I hear is "I don't care about your identity; I'm just going to pick and choose what parts of you I say are worthwhile; I don't accept your aceness, and I I don't actually care about you". Because you don’t care about anything I have to say. You don’t care, because I’m ace. You don’t get to dissect me and tell me what I experience or what part of me is queer. When I tell you that I’m ace, you immediately, in your mind, discredit me. But, like I said, I’m not either half of “cishet” (not only because my aceness makes me not heterosexual). You had better not think for a fucking second that you are doing me any favours by keeping out the """cishets""". Don't you fucking dare pretend you're speaking on my behalf or that you care about me. I'm pan, I'm agender, and hell, I prefer femine pronouns, even though I’m agender. I'm queer as FUCK, and I'm also ace. And that is IMPORTANT to me. It IS a part of what makes me queer. If you don't accept all aces, you DO NOT accept me, because my aceness is a part of the whole package of queer that I am. You are not allowed to dissect my identity and throw away what you don't like. All aces belong. It is so immensely disrespectful to try to use my identity against other aces by ignoring MY aceness because the rest of me is "queer enough". Just. Fuck you. If you think “cishet” aces should be removed from the community, then FUCK you. Also, it is incredible that somebody has to point out how fucked up it is that you won’t count first-hand accounts as a “proper source”. Do you fucking REALIZE how little information there is on asexuality? It’s not grass, you can’t just go outside and pick up a fistful. But the studies on LGBT+ issues that take aces into account also get dismissed. Everything aces have given, no matter how direct or nuanced or straightforward or detailed or academic or anecdotal has ever been sufficient for you. It doesn’t matter to you what anybody has to say about oppression that aces face, because you will always actively try to rationalize a reason why it isn’t a “proper source” of evidence.

“i don’t believe ace/aros are oppressed because by definition, they just dont experience it.”

The definitions of “asexual” and “aromantic” are not “a person who is not oppressed”, what the hellfuck is wrong with you? Aces keep TELLING YOU they face forms of oppression, and you just tell them it isn’t true, to their faces. How do you rationalize that?

“however there is some actual stigma they deal with, and denying it is unnacceptable.”

GOLLY, REALLY? IS THAT SO, OH ARBITER OF SOCIAL STIGMA? THANK YOU FOR APPROVING ACES CLAIMS OF AT LEAST THAT MUCH.

You can not pretend like you care about aces and prove you don’t with everything else you say and expect to get a gold star sticker for seeming like you give a fuck.

“the issue is that the LGBT community is treated like a club and not a place of solidarity for people who experienced oppression for their sexuality and gender identity and that needs to be addressed.”

JESUS FUCKING LOUISUS, NO ACES ARE TREATING IT LIKE A “CLUB”. The fuck kind of infantilizing accusation is that? WHAT the FUCK.

You think aces don’t need suicide prevention resources? You think the historical and current pathologization of asexuality doesn’t happen? You think no ace person has ever been hurt for their sexuality? You think aces don’t get kicked out by conservative, bigoted parents for being “deviant”? You think no people ever will think ill enough of aces to harm them? You think aces never are victims of corrective rape, because they “won’t put out”? You think aces don’t deal with any forms of oppression or abuse? Nothing at all? ‘Cause you have absolutely no sense of what society does. Bigots really don’t tend to differentiate their bigotry. If a heavily conservative christian person knows you aren’t straight and cis, that’s all they need to know to loathe you and want you hurt. You just. Don’t get it.

I’m super fucking queer, and I have been on the receiving end of a whole lot of hate in my life for being agender, and for being pan. I know what oppression is, you fuck. Don’t think I defend aces without any knowledge of what the whole community deals with. Don’t think I defend aces without knowing what oppression is. I’ve been the victim of it, sometimes with dangerous and violent severity. But do you know what the MOST aggressive hate I have EVER received for any part of my identity has been for? Take a wild fucking stab in the dark. It’s the reason why I'm defensive of other aces. You have no fucking clue how hated aces are. None. At all. You refuse to think maybe they’re actually oppressed. Even when they tell you. Aces, whether or not they are heteromantic, are very much not a part of the social class in a privileged position that is Straight™. Aces face oppression, and you are not capable of denying that fact except to your own mind, which is all you do.

And I’m CERTAIN you’d find an excuse to deny what I tell you. Also, if you think that social stigma isn’t a part of why the community exists, you don’t know why it exists. It isn’t solely about equal marriage. Because a lot of the time, people will go “you’ve got gay marriage, how are you oppressed?”. The community exists to affect social change and bring awareness. Aces are a part of that.

“cishet ace/aros will never understand the oppression that gay, bi, lesbian and trans people deal with”

Cishet a-specs do not exist. A-specs, by definition, are not cishet.

And heteroromantic aces and heterosexual aros very much UNDERSTAND the oppression that the other members of the community deal with. You act like aces are all children with no sense of comprehension.

“and that needs to be told to them without the aggressive “you guys are fucking idiots for thinking you’re one of us”.”

It’s no different. It’s insensitive and defies the reality of the situation either way.

“something i think a lot of exclusionists forget was that aces/aros were encouraged to be apart of this community for a decade.”

They ARE a part of this community, and if you fucking god damn KNEW your queer history, you’d know that the only thing recent about a-specs in the community is awareness of them. They’ve been here the entire time. They’ve always been in the community. It’s only widespread awareness that’s new.

“its less that they forced themselves in and that LGBT”

Because, guess what, they didn’t. Because they already were in it.

“people legitimately believed they were one of us”

They did. There was a reason. And still do, because that reason is that they are. The overwhelming majority of the community knows this. Right now. Currently. Your opinion on this is so extremely in the minority of the community.

“due to being misinformed and not well educated about it.”

Oh my GOD the irony of you. Here. Have some stuff to stop you from forming a kugelblitz of ironic density: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x If any of those links die in the future, whatever. As of now, that’s a whole lot of evidence you’re being bigoted. In exactly the same way that there are transphobic and biphobic and panphobic members of the community, when they obviously should know better... In exactly the same way those people try to kick me out of the community, because I’m agender, and because I’m pan, you’ve got the same problem of bigotry they have toward me, and it’s toward me again. You really should know better. MOST of the community knows better than this. By far, the community, as a whole, knows that aces are a part of it. There are exclusionists, but they represent extremely few. You don’t get to say people are “misinformed and not well educated” in the same breath you state you want to take aces our of the community, because you think they’re “not oppressed”. You can’t call people uneducated when you demonstrate a direct lack of education on what you’re talking about. But nothing anybody gives you will get you to consider “hey, maybe there’s a reason that most of the community accepts aces” and “maybe there’s an underlying reason why the correlation to terf and biphobic ideology keeps getting pointed out” or “ I am TELLING YOU this AS A PAN AND AGENDER PERSON, you are recycling rhetoric used against me. And what’s worse, you’re using it against me AGAIN, because I also happen to be ace.

Aces are not “co-opting” bi or trans struggles. You’re Just an asshole doing exactly the same thing other assholes are doing to other members of the community. All aces belong. I am SO. Sick of exclusionists thinking they’re being courtious or civil, no matter how they dress up their willing ignorance and unawareness of our own community’s actual history, and the oppression they deny the existence of. You’re also the kind of person who thinks the community suddenly sprang up out of nowhere after Stonewall, which, I mean... is a benighted notion on its own that ignores the entirety of our much more involved and extensive history, but even still, you are not, to any degree, supporting the spirit that Stormé DeLarverie and Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera and Miss Major stood for. Not even a little bit. And again, Stonewall was what started the Pride event; not what started the community. They are Different Things. Stop saying things that imply aces are automatically outsiders trying to wedge themselves into the community, when you are the ones trying to remove people who are members of the community. Signed, a member of the community who’s “””queer enough””” to tell you how fucked up your opinion is. Hopefully you’ll listen to an agender, pan person, because you sure as fuck won’t listen to anything any other cis and heteroromantic ace, or heterosexual aro person says about the issue.