#how do you know youre ace if youve never dated? or aro?? as if these things dont work the other way around | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

incorrect-hs-quotes · 4 years

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“#*looks at my 18k word homestuck arospec slowburn karkat fic*” :O?? Is this?? Published anywhere???

oh its not published anywhere im writing it on gooble docs but hoo boy now youve gone and done it. lemme introduce yall to the idea that is “dont look down”

-mod dave

so its a full-human collegestuck, and karkat is a grey(pan)romantic ace kid whos still trying to figure himself out. hes got some lingering self esteem issues because hes never felt love before Save One Fucking Time In Middle School For A Month, and now this asshole bane strider (i am definitely putting my partners ocs all over this bitch) is in love with him and asking him on a coffee date ?? what the fuck ??

turns out hes aro. well not aro. he cant be aro because a little later on he realizes that after he puts his stubbornness aside Holy Shit I Think I Actually Feel Something but he gets scared of it because he doesnt wanna seem like a freak. also he has vitiligo and theres also some lingering issues there cause he was bullied for it in middle / high school and is just now realizing that in college nobody fucking cares. but like He Still Cares and hes like absolutely amazed as to how the fuck someone has a physical crush on him

but like the gist of it is hes gonna realize he likes him but hes gonna push it down cause hes scared but hes also a little bitch so hes gonna say yes to dating him anyway and a month in hes gonna be like “oh god this was a mistake im not ready to do this yet” and then hes gonna distance himself but theres still gonna be buildup !! and banes gonna get upset and go “why the fuck are you avoiding me” and theyre gonna break up for a bit and karkats gonna go “guys i literally dont know what to do i thought i was aro but then i had a thing for him and then it went away and then i built it up again and now he broke up with me what the fuck.”

and he makes up his mind that Yes he likes the guy and hell try again and he goes and confronts him and he sits him down and he finally fucking comes out to him that “hey im ace and im. like. i. i think aro but like not entirely i dont know why i like you but like this has never happened before and it came absolutely out of the blue and i dont know whats happening” and banes gonna be like Oh Shit Okay Bet and hes gonna go “yknow. my twin fucking brother is aroace do you want to talk to him”

ENTER DAVE (well not enter cause he got introduced in the beginning but.)

they bond (also theres a subplot where daves a visual arts major and hes piecing together his first sbahj film and karkat and john both decided to volunteer to help) and dave helps him figure everything out and hes like “so you like. rarely feel it” and karkats like “yeah i feel like im fake aro i dont know what to do” and dave goes “dude theres a whole spectrum. youre probably grey or demi” and karkat goes WHAT and daves like “yeah look it up check it out”

and karkat latches onto the greyro label like an absolute motherfucker and goes back to bane and hes like “i figured it the fuck out . i think. fingers crossed. fuck” and banes like “so i guess where we go is up to you” and karkats like “i wanna stay with you but. yknow. gently” and bane goes :D “BET” and they probably kiss and karkats like !! and kisses him back and then the rest of the year goes pretty well and karkat has a lot more green in his closet.

i am gonna reach novel length. "dont look down” will be a fucking novel so help me god. yall are gonna underline that bitch

#never in my life did i think i was gonna be the kind of person to write a novel but like #i am fucking determined to get dld as long as possible #i am fucking devoted to my karkat headcanons #i will die on a hill and yell from my grave about my karkat headcanons #this man is GREYROMANTIC #this man as a human is HALF LEBANESE and has VITILIGO #hes my fucking BOY. HES MY BOY #i actually think i yell about greyro lebanese vitiligo karkat more than i do about aroace dave #like thats how invested i am. like when you say karkat ill picture human karkat by default.#its him. its karkat.#troll karkat is an au now. i dont know what trolls are. all i know is greyro lebanese vitiligo karkat hot chip and lie #not a quote #mod dave #banekat #karkat vantas #bane strider #dont look down #homestuck

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teddy-feathers · 5 years

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gender is scary id rather have a cool rock.

i just wish this wasnt so important to me. that it didnt matter.

i tried to make it not matter.

ive been thinking about this hard for many years growing more confused and upset

because. youre you.

gender isnt a performance. its not an aesthetic.

i cant in good faith say im going to take back the parts of me i struggled to accept- i mean rainbow pastels are super cute and i adore adorable things and im not going to let life make me feel cringey over it again

i cant say ill change at all because im not. deciding to adhere to a different set of gender rules and rolls - hell thats one of the largest reasons i didnt want to deal with this at all

dudes dudettes and everyone on the outside of the ven diagram of idiocy can be and act and represent themself however they want and what they wear or hownthey act can't change that

so it shouldnt matter that in many ways im... girly. just listen to me talk or sing or whatever shit i do that makes me flinch now when i notice

but it does because.... because i was waiting for permission

i didnt realize it but. i didnt feel like i had any right to claim anything

im not a "special snowflake" im just like stupid queer or whatever idk

i laughed at the first person - a guy - who told me he was ace turns out im aro and ace.

i said i didnt care if my soulmate was a guy or a girl or multiple people because thatd be stupid - and then i didnt even NOTICE girls because well im not gay id know... until i dated one.

and then i found out nonbinary and trans folk were a thing.

its not scary to think you might be nonbinary. youre just outside the ven diagram. thats fine. obviously youve got to decide what that means for yourself

but.

i still felt... wrong. and it built and it built and i was afraid because... because me being a guy isnt allowed. im not special. i dont want to be special. and this - thisnis me just jumping onto the train right?

but i started getting angry and hurt and noticing all the time "miss" this and "maam" that.

"well im not a smartman" "youre not a man at all tho?"

"pfft well i could wingman for you." "blah blah blah wingWOMAN"

like. i decided. id try the binder thing and i liked it but dont we all like new fashion? new looks...

i decided to start cutting my hair and then... becoming dissatisfied when i looked like a lesbain instead of vaguely dudeish even though yeah im flattered that apparantly id make a cute lesbian? super flattered. its a LOOK and god do those girls look good

i got called sir once at walmart and was ecstatic.

but now i just want to cry. because people know and... i dont know hownto feel or even howni feel because the most i feel is scared which

alrifht i always feel scared about everything especially change

im lucky. i told my coworkers and they didnt even blink and changed pronouns and started calling me Dan.

Im thrilled but

im terrified

i dont take me seriously. how can anyone else? and i. i dont want people to know im trans. im not proud or whatever when i go and look at the cute designs on redbubble the way i am over aro ace stuff. its not funny or safe feeling.

itd be nice if i could just say i wish people wouldnt know by looking - they just saw a guy but its not even that? i sont want people to see me at all and yeah some of thats me just flipping out because... what if im wrong but...

i know. a large part of this is my avpd.

i got a rush

im super psyched i can just go "hey I'm a dude" to some people i know and its chill

but my brain runs on misery - if it sees me happy about something it freaks out and it takes a while for the battleship alarms to stop going off and assume the other horrible shoe is going to drop

but some part of me is wondering still

what if im not a guy

what if im making it all up

what if what if what if

you know?

right now if someone were to come up to me and say no. youre not trans. youre not valid... id probably bare throat.

byt its not validation i want or need. weirdly enough for the first time in my life ive got. plenty of validation its

surety.

confidence.

which. will only come with time. until hearing "sir" or "dan" becomes natural like a broken in shoe and then i can figure out if that was all it was or if the fit wasnt right after all.

its like. the humiliation i feel and have sometimes even now when i wear dresses. like im naked or wearing it wrong ornits very obviously unnatural on me because im very old to still need to learn how to be comfortable in it.

itll come with time but...

i already feel like i want to wear this label.

i just dont want anyone to make a big deal about it when i do... or... second guess myself out of something i want just because im not used to it.

at the end of the day in a coward... ill get over it im just... tired.

i dont want to say im a man. i never have.

but im a dude, a guy. just a person. just me.

i just wish it was more like dying my hair - unremarkable really even if it can be pretty or neat.

because. its not a big deal to me but simultaneously the biggest deal possible and honestly i wish it didnt matter

gender is scary, id rather have a cool rock

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lesbianskylor · 6 years

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*slides you five bucks* holly,,,,holly,,,pls give me greenlove headcanons,,,,the world Must Know

greenlove hcs

so . greenlove is this super poly ship a lot of my friends and i came up with. we basically all made an oc and plopped them into a poly ship with lloyd uwu

so, ill explain the ocs to you first!

micah (owner - tumblr: witchlightsands ao3: whichlights) he/him bi flower boy. he a flower boy baby!!!! hes a flirty mess of a bi and is constantly supportive of lloyd. also he loves puns. bastard nerd

rhian (owner - tumblr: cynicalmiles ao3 - cynicalmiles) nb she/her ace pan. she has the elemental power of magic! she also has two dads (nyx and max) and a bro named jayden (owner - tumblr: lightning-jay23 ao3: lightning_jay23). good at makeup. the shortest lol. she’s in the exact middle of the bastard/nerd/dumbass/valid scale

myan (owner - tumblr: qibliwinter/lesbianskylor (HEHEHEHE ME) ao3: hollyus) he/they pan. depending on the au, he’s a vet student or a volunteer or owner of a shelter! he has a dog named scritch and he’s pretty much, besides micah, the most normal one of the greenlove gang. valid nerd

bo (owner - ao3: Nagasha) she/her grayace demiro. she’s a coolass serpentine (hypnobrai)!! she grew up in a group of serpentine girls and she met lloyd at a p young age. probably the most down to earth one of the group. at the very top of valid nerd

ver (owner - tumblr: terezi-kin) he/they demiboy polysexual aro. ABSOLUTE meme trash. ASKJNDLSDFDK jokes are like, his defining personality trait at this point honestly. tall bitch but not the tallest. chaotic good dumbass bastard

celestien (owner - tumblr: iwillheckingfightyou/anywaylloydgarmadonistrans ao3: i_will_fight_you) nb they/them and arospec multisexual. tol long haired redhead, punches transphobes. they have two moms

also: here are more specific ship names

micah/lloyd - brightshipping

rhian/lloyd - emeraldshipping

rhian/micah/lloyd - sparkleshipping

myan/micah - m&mshipping

thats,, kind of all we have so far rip

OKAY - now we get into the actual hcs (which im SORRY miles youve probably heard them all in the discord nsdjkfldk)

rhian and myan are the shortest of the group, celestien and ver are the tallest

SO, rhian and myan totally ride on their shoulders and have a nerf gun fight

(in the circumstance his family is an owner of a shelter) myan and micah totally meet before meeting the others because myan has a shelter that’s like across the street from micah’s flower shop

at some point micah adopts a cat named skittles from the shelter and he cries when he first sees her bc shes so cute.

she’s around 2 years old and she’s a brown tabby with a white muzzle, paws, tip of tail, chest and stomach

she’s affectionate af

lloyd used to be single as fuck before greenlove and everybody made fun of him, so when he gets SIX WHOLE DATEMATES he laughs in their face

after the whole harumi fiasco the ninja DEFINITELY keep their eye on his datemates.

kai, to all of them: hey? hey! you hurt lloyd i hurt you

nya: (pulls out her samurai x dual swords) ill let you figure it out!

cole: ok yall seem chill but if you ever treat lloyd badly…youll regret the day you were born. anyways who likes video games here

jay: you better watch out…you better watch out…yOU BETTER WATCH OUT… YOU BETTER WATCH

zane: (gives off sense of intense protecting of lloyd)

anyways, it is eventually proven that the greenlove squad are all also extremely protective of lloyd (esp after all the shit he went through) and would never hurt him intentionally so all the ninja become cool with them

greenlove is the lloyd protection squad.

all of the greenlove squad minus lloyd: i am the lloyd guardian. guardian of the lloyd

the ninja: morro quivers before them!

greenlove gang minus greenie to morro: FUCK OFF

ver constantly tortures micah with memes and jokes

though,,, they do bond over puns

ver: you wanna go?

lloyd: yea

ver: on a date with me?

ver: OH YOU DO

ver: OHHHH

lloyd: YOU ACT LIKE I FELL FOR A CUNNING PRANK IM YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU EGG

lloyd: turtles turn up

myan: hell yeah go turtles

lloyd: dead on beaches

myan: oh dear god

greenlove: (just doing shit)

ver: wait

ver: so bo’s a snake person yeah

bo: …well, the term is serpentine, but..yeah??

micah: yea- oh god ver no

ver: we’re all scalies

bo: oh, um? i dont quite get what you mean, but his name is skales! not sure how he would react to you calling him, uh, skalie?

lloyd: (wheeze)

myan has, lots of grandchildren and children

(hint: they’re all animals)

myan, when a cat gives birth: hey guys look! its our 34th grandchild :)

rhian’s basically besties with nya

whenever she goes out on a date with lloyd, nya does her makeup, and kai does lloyd’s makeup (since nya and kai are makeup masters obvs)

any love song that’s sweet and nice: plays

all of the greenlove members simultaneously: HOLY SHIT ITS OUR SONG-

celestien: happy one year babe!

ver:

ver: im 18

celestien is ur friendly neighborhood anarchist :)

they have a discord with the ninja & co (aka adding on skylor and pixal) named “0 days since our last nonsense”

ver: @everybody

kai: i will kick your ass if you tag everybody again

ver: @here

kai: bitch

ver: (feigning innocence) but you didn’t say dont tag here :) :)

kai: fucker

nobody ever. ever. EVER gives ver mod/admin permissions. it happened once and theyll never make the same mistake again

my hc shortest from tallest is rhian, myan, bo, lloyd, micah, ver, celestien

celestien when they’re around tiny animals: (tearing up) you are so small? i could crush you? you’re just? so tiny?

micah dramatically during christmas: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS , IS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU

bo: micah i know you’ve been telling us this again and again for the like past 6 hours?

ver: you know what’s my music taste? youtube channel historyteachers.

ver, yelling at the top of their lungs: this plague is bubonic! B-U-B-O-N-I-C

ver: im factkin with the lady thats always singing in those videos

he listens to it so much that all his s/os can recite renaissance man to you on instant if you asked them to

myan: love is dead. you leave me as i lay here sick and festering. you have betrayed me

lloyd: woah whats up?

myan: my dog stole my fuckign popcorn

their older siblings/parents trade embarrassing stories about them and its just terrible for them but really amusing for their older siblings/parents

kai (lloyd), nyx, max (rhians dads), the reols parents (micah), myans parents, vers parents, the snake girl gang (bo), and celestiens moms: (cackling evilly)

bo: so, i was doing this and my friend-

micah: wait

bo: what

micah: oh my god myan and rhian rhyme,

rhian (before they started dating): writes her name on something

myan: holy SHIT THATS HOW YOU SPELL IT?

celestien nickname cel and rhian nickname rhi cause its cute

thATS MY HCS FOR GREENLOVE WHICH I LOVE!!!!!!!! sorry for taking for fucking ever

also if yall want to request hcs then Sure but from now on with hcs being put onto my inbox ill take them as suggestions- meaning, ill delete them if i dont feel like doing them (if you ask off anon ill post privately that i dont want to do it, if on anon ill just delete it lol)

#lloyd garmadon #lloyd ninjago #ninjago oc #oc x canon #ninjago #ninjago headcanons #cynicalmiles #ask

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flamewyrmz · 6 years

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a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan!

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time.

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH"

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad.

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it.

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly?

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!)

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired)

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug!

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!)

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!)

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone?

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham.

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique).

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter.

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here.

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important.

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here.

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them.

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there.

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress)

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept.

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

#sorry for all the linebreaks i want this to be as easy to process as possible #this is definitely ok to reblog and if you feel even the slightest urge to i encourage it

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