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soldier-poet-king · 2 years

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whining, complaining, family drama, religious-flavoured homophobia below

as if im just not already overwhelmed with the 50000 things going on in my life rn, my father has decided car-ride home time on days i commute with him is Free Therapy Time for him to vent about mid-life crises, my mother, my brothers, his work, everything and anything under the sun

NORMALLY i just kinda. zone out. add a lot of ‘uh-huhs’ and interject only when interested or needed bc i will absolutely lose my gourd if i had to sit there and process all of his shit but also he’s the only thing keeping us in house and fed and i know He Is Having A Bad Time, he’s too much of a stubborn cishet white man to listen to anything i try to tell him will help

TODAY THO. im just. already having a trying time with Life and Everything in General. he decides he has to bring up that a lot of the teachers in the religion department are apparently worried about the big bad govt coming for them for ‘saying the catholic truth about ~ gays and transgenders ~’. that’s already a can of worms argument im not going to have with him bc he IS expressly homophobic and i am trapped in a car w him.

The conversation moves on. I said smthn about a dead spider this morning i found in my room and how it was horrible bc im afraid of nothing more than spiders. and HE FUCKIN SAYS ‘oh but also boys’

IM “?????? HELLLO??????? WHAT THE FUCK??? 1) thats fuckin rude just bc ive never dated and brothers 1 and 2 are in long-term relationships, i /could/ just be a normal straight person who’s had bad dating luck, wtf does he know 2) he follows this maybe 5 min after his THE GAYS comments???? this is not the first time he’s brought up some of his students that he suspects are ‘gays’ or ‘struggling with gender identity stuff’ and he’s usually horrible about talking about it and i feel fuckin awful for these kids, and he ALSO always tries to give me absolutely bullshit youth ministry young catholic resources he picks up from his school (and they’re terrible, exactly the sort of shit you’d expect, idk how to explain to him that i absolutely hate that shit but am still more knowledgeable about religion and more devout than these absolute CHARLATANS and also my father knows SHIT ALL about ANYTHING like his religious knowledge is LAUGHABLE and im not saying every single catholic has to study theology and philosophy but like ho ho holy shit you’re letting this mans teach ur children about religion?????)

but has he been saying these things this whole time not just bc im Free Therapy but bc he is like. “yes here is my adult probably lesbian daughter and i have to remind her to be A Good Catholic even tho i speak so shittly about queers.”

im just??? so it’s like. live with this knowledge and suffer bc im not dating and probably never will given im not seeking out anything. or?? be like ‘actually no i dont date bc queer issues even tho i technically could be licitly catholiclly married bc bisexual but MOSTLY its bc u and mother fucked me up so severely that i cannot even conceive of having a romantic relationship or children so that gay shit is just extra added bonus’

i am going to end up like this one single middle-aged lady who works at the church who is Definitely A Lesbian but is also mean af and parishioners have This Vibe (derogatory) around her.

also lmao at the fact my father truly cannot just. believe a person could want to be single for non religious gay trauma reasons. aroace ppl???? never heard of them

fuck me. im changing my name and moving. i cant actually, but holy shit please let me leeavveeeeeee this hell. i cannot be a Whole Person in the place i grew up and was traumatized in.

i can speak of duty and obligation and all the wonderful things i have ahead of me all i’d like, im still. just. tired of this shit. and im exhausted by the prospect of The Rest Of My Life Being Like This Forever, Thara Celehar we truly be in it

#ill be fine i needed to type this shit out before i fuckin screamed #and now. i am going. to go do some hwmrk #and then watch the second half of last night's exu special\#i wont be done in time to catch tonights #but i might read a book. play video games. idk do smthn #IM SO FUCKIN MAD AND UPSET #i might make a drink. i have an ulcer but also maybe wine #is what i need #OH THARA CELEHAR WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW

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happysadyoyo · 2 years

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tbh after the transmisogyny-explained blocklist fiasco I do think the homophobic slant to terfs and tirfs kinkshaming people who are attracted to men is on purpose. that that was never truly accidental.

It's a natural progression from second wave feminism, which is where radfem ideology has its roots.

Basically, lesbianism at the time became more than a label/identity for sexuality and not necessarily fitting into the confines of womanhood dictated by society (and mind you, this is a very Western perspective. I'm looking at this through the lens of the US American Civil Rights Movement and Stonewall, etc).

Any woman who wanted to cut ties from men could call themselves a political lesbian, and the (justifiable!) anger towards patriarchy started this whole lesbian separatist movement, where women would do everything in their power to be socially and economically free of men.

Interestingly enough, a lot of this coincided with bisexuality becoming more and more widely known as a label. Bisexuality has been around since the '20s as a word, but bi/ace/pan/gnc/trans masc folks could and would identify under the lesbian umbrella at the time.

Which, double side note, makes it very interesting to read about historical figures. Their gender and sexual identities weren't as "clear cut" as we expect them to be today! There were fewer words at the time. It must've been so freeing in a way, if aggravating to find people with more similar experiences.

Anyway, fast forward to like 2011-2014 when I first joined the internet and the lesbian separatist movement was still alive and well with many of the same tenets. Don't interact with men, don't interact with women who date men (sometimes even to the extreme of cutting out wlw who had experiences with men in the past, let alone bi women), etc. It was to the point where you'd see them alter the spelling of "women" to cut men out entirely.

Trans women weren't really talked about, but I imagine if/when they did come up, it was basically TERF rhetoric but not fully fleshed out like it is today.

So all of that has led to the logical progression of TERF/radfem ideology being something that, well, hates men. And unfortunately it's bled over a lot into other leftist circles.

Men are an easy target because after all, men represent the patriarchy. And it's easy to paint them all as bad, ignoring the intersections that are even loosely talked about in women's issues, be it color, mental/physical illness, etc. And because men represent the patriarchy and can and are all labelled as "bad" in some way, it's easy to feel shame for having an attraction to men.

For people who grew up in those circles, or hell, people like me who grew up conservative but felt Wrong in some way, that shame is all too easy to internalize.

No one is really safe from the shame. Straight women in conservative cultures still experience the same fear that women generally have in public spaces, even if they repress it. There can be closeted people who experience fear or shame, be they gay or trans or generally not fitting into the roles that they're expected to grow into. And then it continues into feminist spaces, and finally you end up with people like TERFs and radfems and lesbian separatists that just openly hate men and masculinity.

Wow that got away from me there. Hopefully there's not too many typos. But, yeah. I guess I have feelings on this topic lol. That's why I keep talking about men needing the space to talk about their issues.

Cause like, isn't it super weird that we expect men to overcome toxic masculinity and open up about their emotions and struggles, but we never give them space to, en masse? Idk, I think that's pretty weird.

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robotpals · 3 years

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hey! idk if you're still taking questions about mhc, but i'm committed to mt holyoke for this fall and still not 100% sure. i kind of have a lot, so answer as many or as few as you'd like lol they're in order of priority

completely honestly, how much do people still call it a "women's college"? it was a really big factor for me that mhc was gender diverse, and since visiting has been kind of funky this year, it's been hard to tell how committed the school actually is to trans allyship (full disclosure, i'm a cis girl) and how much the students try to respect that

related to how welcome men and nonbinary folks feel-- when i show up on campus, are like 99% of the students going to be women (trans or cis), or am i being overly pessimistic about the remaining emphasis on women?

sustainability is a big focus for me, and was a factor that actually had me leaning away from mhc (most of the other schools i applied to were shooting for carbon neutrality years before 2037, and had more options for composting and such). the actual question part is: how hard would it be to try to be low/zero waste on campus (esp. plastics)? would the dining halls be able to accommodate that (outside of COVID years)? are there any significant obstacles i might run across?

i'd also like to get more politically involved in college, are there a lot of opportunities for that? (like, protests, or mutual aid, or politically oriented clubs)

how hard is it to get the classes you want? how many classes did you personally take at the other consortium colleges? (or if you're not comfortable with that, what might the average be?)

thank you so much! i'm sorry if this is too much or my tone is weird, and feel free to redirect me for any of this

Hello! Congratulations to you as well -- whether it’s where you end up or not, you should know that I’m proud of you for applying and being accepted! I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be for some of your questions, but I can certainly try to answer them. I’m putting a read-more because I have a feeling my answers may be long!

As to your first question, MHC still is a women’s college -- though a gender diverse one (I know that isn’t a helpful answer, but I think it describes the culture best!). Maybe the best way to think of it is that Mt Holyoke’s history is deeply steeped in what being a women’s college means: a lot of the traditions and details of the school can be traced back to its days as a women’s seminary. The fact that it was a place for women to get an education in a time when typically women couldn’t is something to be proud of, and definitely something that students celebrate -- though of course the category of “woman” who could be educated in the college’s early days was very limited to white affluent women. Something that I appreciated about MHC was it felt like nearly all of my fellow students were as social justice oriented as I am -- so there were always discussions about recognizing the college’s failings and history of discrimination, as well as celebrating those students who pushed for diversity and opened the doors to students who wouldn’t have been admitted in the college’s early days. That doesn’t mean that mhc is perfect, and as a white woman I’m not the best person to talk about those issues, but in general I thought the student body was willing to have hard discussions and advocate for critically examining mhc’s past.

I think my years there were interesting because my first year was the year the college announced it would accept trans women (the first of the “seven sisters” / historic east coast women’s colleges to do so!), though prior to my arrival trans men (those who applied still closeted/questioning and then came out while a student) were enrolled. I should disclose that I, too, am a cis woman! So any thoughts I have on what it’s like for trans students is based entirely on conversations with trans friends and not personal experience. Basically, though MHC is a women’s college, I think the large population of lgbt students means that gender/respect for trans students is more at the forefront than it would be at some other schools. I’m currently a student at a Big 10 state university for a masters program, and I definitely think that MHC was way more accepting of gender diversity than here -- asking about pronouns and respecting people’s gender identities were totally commonplace at MHC seven years ago, but undergrads I know at this university have said that there are lots of students who treat discussions about respecting pronouns as a joke :/ -- I hope that MHC has only continued to improve its treatment of gender diverse students since I was there.

That being said, there are definitely transphobic students -- and unfortunately, old and bigoted staff members. I remember when I was a student, the college released a memo for staff/faculty that said that emails to the student body shouldn’t use gendered language (like saying “Hey girls” or whatever LOL) and while every student I talked was in support of that, there were definitely rumors of some older professors throwing fits about that. I don’t remember any terfs on campus -- thank god -- but there was a “young republicans” student group that was super obnoxious (they only had three members LOL but they complained CONSTANTLY about how other students telling them to shut up was infringing on their first amendment rights).

I have no idea what the numbers are, but when I was a student, it definitely seemed like the vast majority of students were women/women-aligned (cis, trans, or nb) or nonbinary, so if you really want a campus with more men, MHC may not be a great choice.

As far as sustainability: I really don’t know. I know that a big discussion when I was a student was divestment from fossil fuels, and MHC refused to make any promises to divest. When I was a student, there were a couple student advocacy groups dedicated to challenging the college to be more sustainable, so if you want to learn more, I would try to find info about those organizations and ask them. Sorry I don’t know more! For some reason I thought MHC composted, but I don’t know for sure -- I know that when you finish eating, you just put your plate on a conveyor belt and there are dining hall staff who sort through what’s what. Again, you could reach out to dining and ask! And if you end up at MHC and they aren’t composting, I think that would be something they might be open to implementing -- advocacy is key.

For political involvement, I think there are lots of opportunities! MHC is in a fairly rural location, but students on campus when I was there organized marches, walk-outs, and protests for the student body. There are advocacy groups for different interests, as well as cultural groups that organized events around specific issues. It’s definitely a campus where you can get involved with issues that are important to you. Again, I don’t know what the culture is like at other colleges, but in comparison to my graduate program, activism at MHC was far more robust.

For classes, I never had trouble taking the classes I wanted! But to be fair, my majors were uncommon enough that that isn’t too surprising (religion and ancient studies LOL). Among my friends, no one seemed to have trouble getting the classes they wanted -- the only class that I remember people having trouble getting into was a class on the history of witchcraft in the gender studies department! Which is SO mt holyoke LOL.

I only took one class outside mhc -- which in retrospect I regret not taking more -- it was a class on Icelandic saga literature at umass amherst. It was a really fun class, and I enjoyed getting the glimpse into what life would have been like if I had gone to a big state school for undergrad! Overall, I thought the process for taking a class off campus was super easy and the only downside was the bus ride was like half an hour.

I hope my answers make sense! I feel like I should disclose that I’m finishing up my grad school program this week (!) so I’ve been particularly nostalgic for undergrad recently -- I’m stressed about exams, so my rose tinted glasses are ON 🙃 but I hope this has been helpful! I think that so many people make it seem like college is the most perfect wonderful time ever, but in actuality it’s pretty weird -- people living away from home for the first time, trying to figure themselves out, exploring their interests and passions, etc. ... so I would encourage you not to think of college as a perfect place, but a place where you will have room to grow! I definitely had times where I HATED being a student at mhc, but I certainly would have had those times anywhere I went -- and in the end, I’m glad I chose mt holyoke and I think it was a place I was able to grow and flourish into who I am today!

#wahhh this is long sorry!!!#mount holyoke #anonymous

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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While genetically the Boy and Five are the same there has to be an aspect of nature vs nurture. So how do the two differ? Does the Boy want his own name and not simply a gender or does he want a name to symbolize becoming part of a family? Do the two of them react to situations differently? I love this AU so much and I need more!

(for more commission boy au/clone five au check out the previous posts on it one, two, three, four, five)

oh absolutely they’re as different as they are similar - even identical twins raised together are different people, after all! And that’s identical genes (like Five and Boy share) and similar upbringings ;3c

they’re both traumatized in very different ways (with overlapping similarities, like both of them don’t trust strangers/adults they don’t know as they’re both used to adults only wanting to use them/cause them pain)

Five is fucked up about the apocalypse. Fucked. Up. He still has minor meltdowns over what if the apocalypse happens today despite them having stopped it. Probability maps are scrawled across the walls in whatever was closest at hand when Five’s brain went into meltdown mode

The Boy doesn’t use math as a crutch like Five does (or as a way of keeping his mind busy, or as a self soothing habit, or anything else) because he wasn’t allowed to write on,, pretty much anything. He had to give verbal reports. After Five’s whole “hide my equations and plans from the commission by writing them in secret in a book” thing, they didn’t trust the Boy with any kind of planning materials. The only reason he knows how to write is because he pretty much taught himself, tracing letters with his fingers in the dust or on steam covered mirrors tbh

(his handwriting is. atrocious. borderline illegible. he really struggles writing with a pen or pencil but can fingerpaint letters/numbers just find. it’s a work in progress and on god five is going to get his little clone as fast as five himself is at writing shit on walls)

the Boy is still a little math prodigy but he’s only done enormous mental equations, which he is very good at!! but it’s definitely limited him (so he wasn’t capable of doing the complex time equations that Five figured out)

The Boy and Five present their nerves about new situations very differently - the Boy goes small and quiet and anxious whereas Five deals with it by going on the aggressive and yelling. This is because the Boy is way more afraid of punishment/rejection than Five is and is more unsure of his position in the family and his default is “obey, do what they say regardless of how you feel just power through it or face the consequences”.

Meanwhile Five’s default was ‘rebel, yell, bring attention to himself because if the spotlight was on him then it was off his siblings’ which is depressing in its own way. The Boy didn’t have siblings to protect, he was alone. Five himself probably wouldn’t have drawn attention to himself if there wasn’t anyone to protect, but there was and he did. He bristles like an offended cat and yells

(but tbh, Five doesn’t actually expect anyone to actually listen to him. both him and the boy learned a long, long time ago that their opinions didn’t matter to the adults, that they might as well not be saying anything at all. The Boy went quiet. Five got louder.)

The Boy is definitely more willing to embrace childish things than Five is, because Five feels he has to protect his reputation and prove that he isn’t a kid

and if there’s some residual trauma there of children vs. adults where Five is fairly convinced that status as an adult offers him some measure of protection against people like Reginald and the Handler, there’s always that. But Five is also probably more willing to be one of “the children” if that means the Boy isn’t alone as the only child because Five’s “protect” instincts overpower his “self preservation” instincts tbh

the Boy is really enthusiastic about things when he thinks he allowed to be (so basically when he’s around Five bc he sees Five as an ally - though he’s getting better around the other siblings without five as a buffer)

his favorite movie is lilo and stitch no you can’t change my mind. it’s the movie he plays constantly as a comfort thing that he never gets tried of. If this was in the era of VHS he would have worn out the tape. Why??? because the boy points at the screen and is like “!! i’m an experiment as well!” and then watches this little blue alien find a family for himself and he’s like “it me!”

…does that make Five the Lilo in this?? possibly. Allison says that it’s more like the Boy is Lilo and Five is Stitch considering Five is the chaos gremlin between the two of them but whatever

(“This is my family. I found it, all by myself. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.”)

I keep wanting to say the Boy is more skittish than Five but that’s?? not quite true? they’re both skittish and don’t trust easily and cling to the idea of family but in different ways idk like the end goal is the same but they take very different paths to it u know what i mean?

i think the Boy probably does eventually get a different name. Maybe not a name-name since the Boy’s idea of what a name is?? is kind of skewed? like his fav character is Stitch and his brother is Five and he was raised by someone names the Handler like this kid was never gonna have a normal name let’s be real

honestly he probably ends up stuck with something like. Kiddo. Because i HIGHLY doubt the family actually calls him ‘boy’ and in absence of an actual name to call him by end up with nicknames and to differentiate him from Five “Old Man” Hargreeves they probably call him kid and kiddo

i’m thinking about differences and similarities between them again hmm

Five is definitely more assertive?? Five can read the Boy really well (and vice versa) and tends to act as the Boy’s spokesperson when the Boy isn’t comfortable or something. Usually it’s just Five cutting in abruptly like “back off idiot he wants a ham and cheese sandwich not whatever the fuck that is”

the Boy is more likely to approach an issue with violence whereas Five tends to swear and yell and threaten as a first step. Where’s that one meme?? the Boy is “stabs without warning” and Five is “warns (loudly) before stabbing”

the Boy is arguably more deadly than Five since he’s been trained in assassination since basically infancy where Five was taught to be a hero which are arguably very different skillsets (the Boy was never taught about minimizing casualties or saving anyone rip) BUT Five is more experienced and has arguably more creativity than the Boy.

Five is a lot more playful in his fighting because he was because when he was little, fighting was playing. That’s how Five and the other umbrella academy kids bonded - by beating the tar out of one another and outdoing each other. They showed off for each other. The Boy is more straight forward because to him, fighting is a job to get over with as soon as possible

ironically it’s five who has to teach the boy to play, and not the other way around. Jump Tag is a favorite between the two where they just zoom through the house trying to catch each other - Five is a lot better at jumping than the Boy since the Boy wasn’t permitted outside of missions and training, but he’s catching up quick (after all, Five did take a brief 45 year hiatus because his powers burned too many calories in the apocalypse, but it’s a bit like riding a bike in that he never forgot)

even so Five is NOT the person to teach others to play because his childhood was messed up as all fuck

so it’s probably claire that really teaches them how to play

Claire is a well adjusted kid whose confidence, unlike Five’s, is not faked. She has adults she knows, loves, and relies upon. She has healthy relationships with peers. She goes to public school and knows and is friendly with a lot of different people.

So this like, 8-year-old walks in and meets her two skittish emotionally immature uncles (cousin? depends on if they consider the boy to be five’s brother or son) who don’t know fuck all about anything and is like “ah yes. i am your big sister now. i am in charge here.”

and while Five at least rails against the “big sister” charge, neither of them really protest Claire taking charge?? they’re both very willing to follow along behind her tbh neither of them are leadership material and they both know it. they’re probably both very protective of her

if claire is ever bullied god help whoever chose to pick on her bc Five is absolutely willing to maul a middleschooler and the Boy would be right behind him

well i mean. Five is a follower but he’s a little bitch about it, you know? like he’s willing to go with whatever but also if it’s a dumb idea then fuck you. So he’s confrontational with his siblings but if they were ever like “okay then five you take charge” he would be like “oh no. nuh uh. i’m not taking responsibility over all you idiots my blood pressure would go through the ROOF.”

Five loudly declares that Claire is way more sensible and sane than any of the rest of his family so she’s the only one he’ll take real orders from.

(and then Grace walks in and Five will absolutely listen to her as well and not just because the Boy is lowkey scared of Grace and Five is trying to set a good example - as much as he’s capable of setting a good example)

i feel like i’ve talked about their different issues with food, where Five hoards, is food aggressive, and will eat everything whereas the Boy is used to bland nutrition bars and sludge with everything he needs for the day so his issues are more him not knowing what the fuck anything is, being iffy about any strong tasting foods/spices, struggling with eating outside of allotted food times/getting his own food

there’s a whole post about their differences in nightmares/how they deal with those floating out there somewhere

their fashion sense definitely differs in their own ways? The Boy accepts anything he’s given with no questions and has no style of his own where Five tends towards what Klaus calls “hobo chic” in that he discards clothes he deems not useful to survival. You won’t catch Five in ripped jeans or tight pants that restrict mobility (though admittedly tight restrictive clothing would make the Boy uncomfortable as well but he’ll wear what he’s given with no questions)

both boys struggle with capitalism in that there’s Way Too Many Options for things that are dumb. It’s really overwhelming for them both when they’re sent to the store for like, toothpaste and have to enter an aisle with a bajillion different options for one (1) whole thing

OH the Boy doesn’t shoplift. Five frequently shoplifts because his idea of possessions are “it’s in my hand or in my claimed space/room/etc. it’s mine” regardless of the passage of money whereas the Boy’s idea of possessions is “nothing belongs to me ever” and they’re still working on both of those things

they’re both kind of wary around animals because neither are used to them or know what to expect from them. Mr. Pennycrumb is a therapy dog and no one can convince me otherwise and both boys are instantly smitten with him (but they’re still kind of iffy around like. big dogs that bark. or horses. fuck horses they’re scary motherfuckers.)

the Boy doesn’t like bugs very much after living in the very sterile Commission science rooms but Five will literally pop a wolf spider in his mouth for a snack so yEAH they both have. very different perspectives on that. The Boy is absolutely horrified and the first time he witnesses this hides behind Klaus for half a day because what the FUCK FIVE while Five is unapologetic

they protect each other and support each other and figure things out together bless

it’s secretly a very wholesome au behind the horror of the commission cloning five and training a small child to be a murder machine

#Ask Me #anonymous #the commission boy au #tua au #tua #the umbrella academy #far tua long #long post #five hargreeves #number five #klaus hargreeves #they're similar in some ways #wildly different in others #it's a journey lmao #claire hargreeves #tua claire #claire is the boss and the boys respect that

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kirkwallhellmouth · 4 years

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I really wish my former therapist was already able to take insurance, because she already had a working and evolving knowledge of LGBT+ issues; my current-ish (I haven’t seen him since things first closed down over covid, so...like, not since March) therapist seems like a great guy but idk how much he knows/understands and I just don’t really want to do Trans & Nonbinary 101 with anybody right now and today has been a Bad Day for Some Things.

Chest dysphoria, or, more accurately, the Reality That Those Fuckers Are Still On My Chest and It’s Fucking Expensive To Get Them Off played kickball with my mental well-being today (or, more accurately The Portion of Time I Have Been Awake, which was partly yesterday evening and partly this morning).

Before covid hit, I’d been about to try to see about possibly getting top surgery set up for sometime this year. But it had to be somewhere close-ish, because of money, and mom had agreed to help out with the $ because she realized that getting back in the work force was going to be easier for me if I was already rid of them.

But she keeps hoping there’s a way my insurance will pay or help pay for it.

But without a LOT of playing fast and loose with wording (and surgeons seem less into playing that game than, say, your trans-health-focused telemed docs who do your T prescription and monitoring and have it label under “endocrine imbalance”), my insurance WON’T cover top surgery, even though by the end of October I will have been on T for a year, because my insurance’s not-up-dated-since-2017 trans health policy is less progressive than some policies under their umbrella in other states (hint, my insurance has BS as part of its initials and that’s not a lie about how they are half the time).

Because the Alabama flavor requires 1) “Diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder” when it isn’t even called that any more, 2) “ Twelve continuous months of living in a congruent gender role with his/her gender identity (real life experience) prior to the gender reassignment services noted in the medical documentation (start/end dates included)”--I’M NONBINARY for one, and for two, I have yet to find a binder that works for me (and doesn’t actually worsen my dysphoria) which makes convincing randos that You Are a Dude into something that is Kind of Hard To Do, especially when the 1st puberty slapped you with bigguns. And 3) I’m basically a hermit, even though I’m out as fuck on my social media accounts.

Relatedly, I want to legally change my name and gender marker at the same time so I don’t have to Update ALL the Things twice, but Alabama won’t fucking let you change your marker unless you’ve had surgery, which puts one back into the You Can’t Fucking Win With This Fucking State.

I’m considering starting a Go Fund Me, even if I have less than high hopes of it doing anything truly useful. I have like, $2k-and-a-bit saved away (aka, currently in my parents’ bank account and on a CD...was really kind of hoping I'd get another covid check what Signs Point To No on that), which is...barely a dent in out-of-pocket surgery.

And I’m really considering the Go Fund Me because my dad is retiring in December, which will mean our collective household income depends solely on two people’s Social Security checks.

Also I have yet to come out to my grandparents. There is a tiny, tiny part of me that hopes--in addition to hoping that they take the news as well as two people who are nearing 90 can take such news--that they might decide to help out with some funding...since, other than my dad, I’m pretty much the only family either of them has left since my uncle died.

And with covid and all the anxiety heightening things that make up The Now going on, my brain was bound to sucker punch me with this at some point. I feel a little better having put it in writing.

#cw dysphoria #kirkwallhellmouth is nonbinary and transmasc #fuck the us health care system #like i'm glad i don't have to do the hoop jumping of gender clinics that some countries make trans folks do #but still

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calamity-bean · 5 years

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Chambers (2019)

Anyone around here watched Chambers?

I binged it recently on a whim, knowing nothing about it, when I started, other than the basic premise: a horror series about a teenage girl who starts having strange experiences after receiving a heart transplant. Supernatural horror about transplant recipients is an established trope, so if you’re familiar with it, then I reckon you can imagine the major (heart)beats of where Chambers is going with it. But just because it may be familiar doesn’t mean it’s not an enjoyable ride!

And I did get pretty engrossed. The horror elements were not, to me, particularly scary, but they were well done. I grew attached to several characters quickly, especially the protagonist, Sasha, and her uncle/guardian, Big Frank. Characters almost always carry a story for me (more so than plot), and I liked getting to know the character dynamics here and watching the more domestic subplots unfold; Sasha’s actress (Sivan Alyra Rose) has to carry a lot of the tension and emotion based on her performance alone, and I think she did a great job. And I love the setting: the Arizona desert, which Chambers fills with vast expanses and roaring sandstorms and lightning that boils through the wide, wide sky. It’s a beautiful and effective backdrop, and I found the horror/mystery elements and the character work strong enough to rec Chambers to horror fans on the basis of those elements alone.

But I think what really makes Chambers stand out are its themes. Specifically, its critique of cultural appropriation, which underpins the setting as well as the narrative in many ways. It’s a story led by a Navajo protagonist that draws its horror from the idea of being taken over and used without permission by forces that are conspicuously ultramodern, performative, and white.

More explanation of what I mean by that below, but I’m going to get into spoilers to do so (some major), so... Short version, Chambers is worth a try if you’re interested in horror stories with female and/or Native American leads; for the long version, spoilers under the cut!

Cottonwood versus Crystal Valley

So. Like I said, Chambers is set primarily in Arizona, in two towns surrounded and separated by desert.

The first is Sasha’s hometown, Cottonwood. It’s smallish, working-class; money is a pressing concern for several characters there, and the high school Sasha attends is implied to be limited in its resources and academic opportunities. Notably, many of the residents we see are nonwhite. Sasha is Navajo, as are her uncle Frank and her boyfriend TJ, who is also half Pima. (Sasha, Frank, and TJ’s actors are all of varying Native American / First Nations backgrounds; I’ve seen articles saying Sivan Alyra Rose is the first Native actress to star in a Netflix series, and it’s certainly notable that this series has multiple Native leads.) Sasha’s best friend, Yvonne, is black, and we see plenty of other brown and black characters in supporting and background roles.

The other town, Crystal Valley, was home to Sasha’s heart donor. Becky was the same age as Sasha, and her sudden death under strange circumstances provides the mystery that drives much of the plot. The contrast between Cottonwood and Crystal Valley is... striking. Becky’s family and friends are all conspicuously wealthy and white-collar. Their school is extremely modern, in its facilities as well as in its sensibilities, and academically elite. And the vast majority of the students, Becky included, are white. Which makes it VERY intentional irony, of course, that Crystal Valley High’s mascot is...

...the Braves. YEAH.

I’ll say right up front that I’m (1) white and (2) not particularly well versed in Navajo culture (or the cultures of other Southwestern peoples) or in the specific issues relevant to them today. I’m sure there are people who could go into Chambers’s portrayal of Sasha, her community, and their concerns with much more nuance and depth than I can. But even a viewer with superficial knowledge can’t help but notice that cultural appropriation is very much a theme of this show, both in the details and in the grand scope of the narrative. Sasha feels like an outsider right away as (through the sponsorship of Becky’s family) she switches schools from Cottonwood to Crystal Valley, and the more time she spends there, the more the weirdness and isolation pile on.

One of the most conspicuously weird elements involves a New Age–esque group called the Annex Foundation, which Becky’s family has some sort of connection with. The Annex folks are very into crystals. They are very into energies and yoga, ayahuasca and equinox festivals, and burning sage. Their beliefs and behaviors are a grab-bag of practices loosely adapted/reinvented from all sorts of traditions, whereas the members themselves, as far as I can recall, are almost all white.

I’m not super well versed in the New Age movement either, but I have read that this exact sort of thing is something that the movement has been widely criticized for irl — its tendency to borrow beliefs and customs from various world religions and appropriate them to the movement’s own purposes, thus using them without permission and divorcing them from their original context. We see this idea echoed everywhere in the speech and accoutrements of the Annex Foundation members. We see it in the way Sasha is pressured into leaving Cottonwood and trying to assimilate into Crystal Valley. And we see it in the way that Sasha’s supernatural connection with Becky, whose memories and personality begin to seep into her, literally begins turning Sasha white.

There are tons of other little details that flesh out this theme — far more than I can get into. I don’t think Chambers portrays all its white characters as evil or unsympathetic. But it’s absolutely grappling with race and with a specific racialized phenomenon, and I think supernatural horror is an interesting context in which to explore it. Sasha’s relationship with her own race and culture is also complicated. As a result of her upbringing, she hasn’t had much contact with her extended family, and she feels disconnected from and somewhat ignorant of the wider Navajo community. In contrast to much of the horror coming from appropriation, her efforts to reconnect with her own family and heritage become a source of inner strength.

There is one major aspect of the overall plot that’s connected to this theme and that... didn’t quite work for me. But it’s a plot point that crops up VERY late in the game, so major end-of-season spoilers in this next section...

Spoilers! Big Ones!!

It becomes clear pretty early on, imo, that the Annex Foundation is the villain of the whole piece. I’m fine with that; it’s what I expected, it makes sense, it’s coherent with the overall theme. It’s furthermore eventually revealed that Becky’s death was connected to the Foundation’s attempt to use her as the earthly vessel for a demon they summoned out of the desert. I’m... like... okay with that. I’ve mentioned in the past that I find horror about spooky masked/robed cults of demon worshipers to be... How can I put this? SUPER cheesy. So cheesy that it can ruin an entire story for me. That’s just a personal preference, though, and even I don’t know how to completely account for it. But whatever. It’s just one aspect of the overall story here, and it fits in with the broader themes well enough. I can deal.

But what bothered me, in this case, is that the demon in question is revealed, in the season’s final episode, to be... Lilith? For some reason?

There’s no mention of Lilith before the season finale. There’s nothing, before the finale, related to Jewish mythology, Adam and Eve, “the divine feminine,” or conflict between male and female — like I’ve said, the primary thematic tension is based on race, not gender, and I don’t think gender really plays a role in the show’s exploration of cultural appropriation, either. Yet suddenly these concepts are brought in during the season finale?

I guess the idea that the Annex Foundation would glom onto a random figure from a different world tradition fits in with the whole idea of cultural appropriation, but I don’t see how Lilith specifically fits in. I don’t see why she’s taken the form of a cloud of dust/smoke out in the Arizona desert. I see themes of complicated mother/daughter relationships in the earlier episodes, but nothing related to femininity as a force unto itself (which is what the Annex folks start going on about at the very end). On the one hand, I really appreciate that this series casts a white neoreligion as its ~strange, mysterious, dangerous supernatural force~ (as opposed to the many stories that use a white/outsider POV confronted with ~strange, mysterious, dangerous~ indigenous forces), but honestly, I had been thinking that perhaps the “demon” was some sort of spirit that was native to the desert and that the Annex Foundation had simply stumbled upon it, mistaken its nature/identity, and was trying to appropriate it for their own purposes. I think that would fit in with the appropriation theme and would also explain why the spirit was not a good fit for Becky’s body (ultimately leading to her death). Moreover, the very end of the season implies that Sasha does have some kind of harmony with the “demon” inside her and can utilize it and live with it in a way that Becky never could. If this “demon” were some sort of spirit that was native to her own land and that the Annex people had tried to appropriate, I think that would fit in with the theme of Sasha reconnecting with her own heritage and finding strength in it.

So... yeah. Still trying to figure out how I feel about that aspect, or whether I missed something somewhere along the way, idk. Maybe it’ll make more sense to me in season 2, if it gets renewed.

Overall...

Regardless, though, Chambers still has a lot going for it. It has a talented and diverse cast with many likable and/or interesting characters. It incorporates difficult, relevant themes into its narrative and utilizes its setting to great effect, both in terms of the cultures it explores and in terms of the landscape itself. I think the horror elements were done well, though in much the way I expected. If you’re already familiar with the “transplant recipient has supernatural connection with the donor” trope, then yeah, it's the “transplant recipient has supernatural connection with the donor” trope! And imo, the members of the Annex Foundation telegraph “EVIL CULT EVIL CULT” from pretty much their first appearance, so I wasn’t exactly shocked. But the acting, writing, themes, and setting are all strong, and I became invested in several of the characters very quickly. So if any of this sounds interesting to you, consider giving it a try!

#chambers #chambers netflix #horror #sivan alyra rose #my meta #op #i know i know... all the things on my to-watch list and yet here i am watching something else lmao

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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February 15th-February 21st, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 15th, 2020 to February 21st, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

If a company wanted to publish your comic or adapt it for animation or games, how willing would you be to change the story if requested to do so?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

That's such a tough question just because it's such a goal for so many creators, and yet a potential threat to their creativity in a sense. As always, it will depend on what exactly would be changed in order for such a project to be given approval. If it has to do with censoring LGBTQ+ content, changing race for 'marketability' purposes and the like, or erasing a specific topic integral to the plot with relation to politics- then it's a no go. There are plenty enough watered down media that doesn't stretch itself with diversity those companies can have and the subtext they pepper in to stay relevant, def something i find irksome with todays media (its 2020 guys !!) But if it's maybe cutting a chapter that acts like filler, or adding a character ( so long as it is plot relevant) i could take that into consideration! I actually take some time to imagine what Ghost Junk would be in a diff form of media and usually in those scenarios, things change to fit the way its being presented! A video game will differ more than an anime adaptation for sure, so long as the original intent and impact is kept, i would definitely consider some change!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If I ever had the opportunity to pass my work off to a whole other team for an adaptation, I think I would take great joy in leaving them completely to it - barring a few obvious issues like race changes, gender/sexuality changes, and... changing the entire story to the point where it's unrecognizable. I love seeing reinterpretations of my work, and I understand that every adaptation would need changes of some form. My words and art aren't gospel - I'm open to any change if it improves the whole product. Whatever it takes to translate the material in the best way, which keeps the original message intact, is all good by me.

Changes in the actual comic would be harder to make - and I'd be far less comfortable with them, to be honest - but I wouldn't fight them if they obviously made the story/characters stronger. I've already added in ideas and reorganized plot threads based on reader feedback - luckily the story still has some places where it can bend. So long as a publisher took my basic story seriously, and aimed to remold it rather than remake it - I'd be down for a discussion. Hopefully a reputable publisher would know how best to sell my work, and would aim to make it as good as possible while maintaining integrity - I would try to trust them

chalcara

Comic stays mine, won‘t be changed beyound perhaps some professional line edits and polish. There’s a reason I didn’t shop it around as a graphic novel. I’d actually like that eitherway, would love to get myself a professional editor when I have the money. Adaptions can go nuts, provided the main characters stay true to their comic versions and the woman-loves-woman storyline stays in.

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

For the story to be told in another medium I would be pretty game for it to change the story a bit. Already now we are changing the story from how we made as a campaign. Makeing it more streamlined and more precise. I wanted originally that our comic could be a TV show. I come from a background of a character animator so that would make sense for me. So seeing it animated would be awesome! There would be some designs that needed to change to fit animation better.

Like Andree has this texture in his skin that needed to go away. But seeing it animated would be awesooome

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think if my Characters stay in Character, then I'm fine with changing pretty much any of the plot or world things. But the Character dynamics and who they are as people is what matters most to me, and I'm not sure I would be willing to sacrifice that. With some of my stories I'd be willing to completely let go of the reins, and with others I definitely want a tighter grip, too.

sagaholmgaard

Agree with the thing about character dynamics. My stories always stem from the characters' relationships and how they evolve, so I'd like for the essence of that to stay. Otherwise I'm pretty loose about the plot itself. Because I have an education in game development, I would totally be down for my comic being adapted into a story driven game of some sort. I'd be okay with changing the story to favor the game mechanics, like putting certain magic abilities in the focus and turning certain scenes into gameplay (like when they're sneaking around or fighting). As long as my handful of core emotional moments come across, I'm pretty happy to change things.

Tuyetnhi

I agree with the character dynamics too. I don't feel comfortable if they change the character backgrounds along with it as well for er what Krispy said for "Markability". That stuff won't fly with me. Comic stuff stay the same but for adaptations, I want to make sure it has similar story beats even if there's a change on few details. Tbh I could totally see er....a visual novel game happening in my comic since that's what my original intention was going for. still at the end I really don't intend my comic to transend other mediums since i'm planning to self publish the story someday lol.

kayotics

I’d be pretty willing to change stuff, actually. I’d want to be pretty involved in whatever adaptation was being made in this hypothetical, but I know that more people can make for stronger work. On the other hand, too many cooks can make for some pretty watered down soup, which is why I’d want to have a large role in things so some of the core stuff doesn’t get changed. But as it is, I’m not married to any ideas that exist in my comic, and am pretty welcome to changes.

DanitheCarutor

If the changes were to benefit the story than I wouldn't mind, if they were going to change everything to make it appealing to the masses than no. Definitely not if they want to mess with the characters since how they are play a major role in the comic. I've got a really specific story I'm trying to tell, so I'm very stingy on changes. If anything I'd be more open to a company making a spin-off or something not totally related to the main story, as long as it's not a complete bastardization. Other than free advertising and the brand name, I don't really see how getting published would benefit me anyway? I'm already in the process of rescanning and re-editing the first four chapters of my comic for self-publishing, if I really wanted to adapt it into an animation I would just do it myself. Along with teaching myself whatever else I needed to get as little help as possible. Sure, I have no experience but it's not like I can't learn, there are classes and free tutorials all over the internet. I've always wanted to get into animating. I can't imagine my comic being adapted into game, what would it even be? An anti-dating sim? An interactive novel? An Apollo drinking simulator?

Capitania do Azar

I WANT A BEAT THEM UP JUST RUN IN ONE DIRECTION KICK EVERYONE

eli [a winged tale]

The dream is a studio ghibli adaption but that won’t be happening I would want to vet the studio/company proposing the adaption and ensure that we are a good fit. I echo what many of you have said about the integrity of the characters and heart of the story. There are a lot of secrets that will come to unravel as the comic progresses and I hope the publisher will be accepting of them. I will be happy to have a conversation on why these structural changes are there and why I think it’s important to allow them to reach a wider audience. That said, I am also eager to see how they would themselves interpret the story and I will give creative freedom to that. Again, it’s a dream and while I would love to direct my own film, I simply don’t have the resources to do it (at this time). https://www.instagram.com/s/aGlnaGxpZ2h0OjE3ODQ3MzIzMTM3NjY4MDA0?igshid=15bnlhamdu3tn&story_media_id=2149085305360952847

Capitania we should just have a super smash bros of all our comic characters

renieplayerone

I think like a lot of people here have already said, Im not changing anyones race, gender identity or sexuality. Otherwise? I'd be really curious what someone else's perspectives could bring to my work if it ever got adapted. I have ideas for comics that are written like they could be movies too, but idk. Its fun trying to write thinking of other mediums

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Im pretty much in the same camp of make changes as it makes sense, but stay true to the core. In the case of a live action thing being made of my story, I would actually be super ok with a POC actor filling the role of any of the white presenting characters. Or actors with different body shapes that what I'd originally draw. More diversity in film is always good

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

outside of censorship, I would be fine with most story changes? with that said, good luck lol. there are very few scenes I think can be cut out of the story without supremely messing up later scenes. every magic ability on-screen is important in some way, a bunch of random background characters end up coming back & getting way more focus later on, etc. add filler, sure, but there's really not much you can cut out without messing up the entire story down the line.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I'm pretty open to the idea of changing some details to fit a different medium better. The big thing that I wouldn't want changed in Whispers of the Past (https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/whispers-of-the-past/list?title_no=191366) is the characters' races. Since the story explores the idea of culture-shock and cultural identity, and the races/cultures are integral to world-building, it would be stupid the change the characters' appearances/races willy nilly. And besides, we don't want what happened to Eragon or Percy Jackson when they became movies. Congratulations on completely killing a franchise But yeah, as long as races and major plot details aren't changed too much, I'm really open to adjusting things. As an example, cutting out smexy times or making the language a bit friendlier to a wide audience, fine by me. But changing Kelan to a blacksmith instead of a farmer... Why???? I would need a good reason to do something like that. (I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, ERAGON! WHY WAS RORAN JOINING THE ARMY RANDOMLY, INSTEAD OF BECOMING A MILLER? ISN'T THE ARMY WORKING FOR THE EVIL KING WHO TAXES THEM HEAVILY? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.) I'm actually pretty scared about the whole race thing. I mean, Hollywood also ruined The ]

if the adaptation is Bad I can always just, like, disown it lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

clearly im the one with the ideas here B) soo

LMAO yea

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

If it was being published as a comic, I don’t think I’d be willing to change too much- though that would depend a great deal in what kind of change. Cleaning up some wonky dialogue? That would probably be fine. Censorship? Absolutely not. Changing my LGBTQ+ characters’ gender / orientation to appeal to the mainstream? Really absolutely not. If being adapted to a different medium, I’d be much more willing to change things around, but would still insist my minority characters not change their identities. But I understand that as far as plot goes, different mediums call for different approaches. I’m planning on writing my comics as novels someday, and will be taking a much different approach to them. The plots will definitely be altered a great deal to better fit being written in prose.(edited)

AntiBunny

It honestly depends on what the changes were. There's a fair amount I'd change myself. A few core things I'd certainly not change though.

In AntiBunny http://AntiBunny.net/ for instance I could see some people missing the point of Penelope's character being a pacifist and wanting to make her some kind of badass, as if the only kind of strength there is comes from violence. I wouldn't remove the question of Pooky's gender, as in order to ask the question of "what is identity" I stripped Pooky of everything including even a mental construct of gender.

Some things I would change though. Likely I would cut the first two chapters and start at the 3rd when the plot actually gets moving. So demands for a faster flowing plot I could certainly meet. I'd probably cut few extra characters from the cast to streamline things a bit.

So yes for the purposes of streamlining things I'd make changes. I wouldn't make changes that would go against the entire point of the cahracters though.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Oh, a conversation in #general reminded me of something else regarding adapting Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R - If the comic is to be adapted with no changes at all, it'd be a legal nightmare. Off the top of my head, these are properties that have been directly stated in dialogue - - Yahtzee - Risk - Mario Kart - Settlers of Catan - Pokemon - Disney's Frozen I don't think you could technically get in trouble for any of those? It's not like anything copyrighted was shown on screen, it's just characters talking about things they've seen before. But a publisher would probably want to play it safe and avoid that. Also... the NFL might get mad at the publisher if the gang names in Cunoze City aren't changed? Like I don't ever say the team location, so technically full team names are never used... but again, it's probably best to play it safe.

Desnik

I'd be pretty flexible with changes, but if I have to take out demons to appeal to the Evangelical Christian states of America then obvs that's not going to work out

(And you wouldn't think that'd be a Thing to this day, but apparently it's been sort of this unspoken rule in book publishing since the Satanic Panic of the 80's in the US)

Some changes I'd be okay with: Adjusting ages of characters to appeal to target demographics, removing scenes that are difficult to draw, tweaking characters to be either more or less horrible depending on their role in the story

FeatheryJustice

I will be flexible to a point and the limit of this point is pretty align to my morals. If the editor tells me to include some weird things like "You must have a scene where this guy licks the curtains" I would also be like "What is the point of this scene."(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

“Your protagonist must fight a giant spider in the third act.”

Deo101 [Millennium]

I mean, if you bring up giant spiders in the first act... well...

Q (Wayfinders: Off Course)

Turn it around: if your protag must fight spiders in the third act, well, time to bring in the spiders in the first..?

AntiBunny

The more I think of it, the more I realize that the most likely thing I'd be asked to change in AntiBunny is to either tone down the violence and grimdark for kids, or make it even raunchier to appeal to the "mature" (not mature at all) animation market (Seth McFarlane's audience).

My own comic keeps it rather PG-13, but there's not much market for animation in that field, at least in America. Seems like it's all either kid friendly stories where no one dies or if they do it's off screen (people get shot and stabbed in my comic) or there's the opposite with dropping F bombs every other line and filling it with sex jokes.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Hey, I mean, never say never. Off the top of my head, Futurama and the Samurai Jack revival were both western cartoons that I'd put solidly in PG-13 territory. Both shows were able to go adult when they needed to be, but they didn't take that as a blank check to go into "rated R" territory for the shock of it.

#ctparchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator babble #creator interview #comic creator interview #comic tea party #ctp

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ettadunham · 5 years

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A Buffy rewatch 5x20 Spiral

aka cause you had a bad day

Welcome to this dailyish (weekly? bi-weekly?) text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And I’m not sure yet what to focus on with today’s action-packed transition-y episode that’s part of our big finale saga, but I do know how to sell it to you. Woman with sword throws axe to murder a man. There, that’s my elevator pitch for Tumblr.

Spiral is relentless in its pace and is yet also weirdly static - which actually works for its story. Buffy decides that as she can’t fight Glory, they all need to get the fuck out of Sunnydale. They’re on the move for most of the episode, but they’re only delaying the inevitable, and in a classic ironic twist, end up inviting their enemies to their doorstep.

I guess, first of all, let’s talk about these crusaders, because oh boy. It’s rare for Buffy to kill another human being, but these guys are just dropping like flies in this episode. One of them even got an axe into his chest.

Which got me thinking, because I recognized the writer of Spiral, Steven S. DeKnight primarily from his Angel credits. (He was apparently a story editor for season 6 of Buffy though which… yeah, I can see that.) And suddenly these crusade guys with their weird religious ties and their supposed war with Buffy made much more sense. They would be a perfect fit in Angel the series.

In Buffy’s world… maybe not so much. But the world of Buffy is also ever-evolving. Just as Buffy herself grows and changes a lot with each season, so do her enemies and the challenges and dilemmas she faces.

Speaking of Buffy’s enemies… Let’s talk about Glory I guess. And on an unrelated note, Ben.

Now, I know that Glory is one of people’s favorite Big Bads. And I get it. This is a wonderful, highly entertaining performance by Clare Kramer, not to mention that she’s one of the only female Big Bads the show has throughout its run. (Other than Willow in s6, I guess?? And of course The First has no gender.) Still, I mostly avoided discussing her throughout the season, because there are several rabbit holes that we can go down when it comes to Glory, and I don’t have the capacity to lead us through any of them.

First, there’s the idea of Glory being some kind of representation of mental instability. Her condition is also strangely… infectious? What with her messing with other people’s heads to ease her own state of mind.

So I guess in that sense, we could interpret it more as Glory perhaps continuing a cycle of abuse? Making other people suffer in the way she has in order to momentarily make herself feel better? Idk guys, I’m reaching here and I’m way out of my depth.

I also remember Glory having a great speech in an episode or two from now that’ll probably be a better base for an interpretation anyway, so let’s put a pin on that.

Of course, what this episode chooses to focus on more is the other association we have of Glory. And Ben.

As Buffy and Wade Williams were talking about Glory being trapped “in the body of a human male”, I couldn’t help but feel like we were leaning on a transgender / gender-fluid metaphor? Maybe?

I AM VERY OUT OF MY DEPTH HERE.

Which is why I’m not even gonna try and further dissect what the show is saying or trying to say here, and in what ways it can be interpreted. I have no takes or a valuable perspective to add, even after a whole season of trying to figure it out. So I’ll just leave it at acknowledging that there’s something there. I’m unsure of what that is, but it’s something.

Something tangential that I’ve been thinking about though, is how the show isn’t really trying to sell us on a Glory - bad, Ben - good duality. We’ll see that in the finale too, but even as early as episode 9, Ben is revealed to have summoned the alien demon who was murdering mental patients.

This creates an interesting dichotomy, where Ben, a mostly decent guy becomes unsympathetic through inaction, and Glory, a self-obsessed hell-demon who wants to murder all of our heroes becomes sympathetic through her honesty.

The truth is, Glory is irredeemable, but it’s not like she wants to be redeemed. She’s self-aware of who and what she is and what her goals are. She’s consistent in her chaos. She’s the devil you know.

Meanwhile Ben is a nurse, but it’s more out of a desire to feel close to people and humanity, than a genuine want to help them. He summons the alien demon to “clean up Glory’s mess”, and despite protecting Dawn’s identity, he mostly he just seems annoyed with Glory, rather than understanding the danger she poses to Dawn and all of humanity, and the role he plays in it. He just wants to live.

Glory is an evil force of nature whose single-mindedness and candid attitude is strangely comforting. Ben is painfully human with understandable motivations and a moral ambiguity we could relate to.

And, as always, there’s Buffy.

Buffy who is terrified and doesn’t know what to do. Still, I actually admire the fact that she took action. Running away is often demonized as a concept, but there are many forms that that can take.

Avoiding your problems is usually a bad instinct, and one that can worsen and snowball your issues into something much, much worse. But not every situation in your life is one where you should or will be able to pick fight over flight. Sometimes we really do need to remove ourselves from a root cause in order to process and move forward.

Granted, when Buffy does that at the end of season 2, it mostly just ends up putting her in a whole depression funk. But it’s hard to cope when you feel like you have no support to rely on.

This is of course a very different case though, almost on the opposite spectrum. Buffy isn’t just running away from her problems - she’s trying to keep her friends and family safe. She doesn’t think that she can protect them, so she’s removing all of them from the conflict for the time being.

In addition, in a conversation with Dawn when talking about all the things that’s happened, she says “Riley. Glory. Tara. Mom”. Four names. One is representing Buffy’s fears of her emotional unavailability. One her fears of not being strong enough to match the evil in this world. One her fears of not being able to protect and save the people she loves. And one is the helplessness she feels in the face of things and deaths she has no control over.

And then it all culminates in the last scene where all of those fears come to ahead. Glory takes Dawn as Buffy watches, helpless, from behind Willow’s magical barrier.

Is it any wonder that it breaks her? She’s had a really bad day. And it’s not getting any better.

Meanwhile I identify with Xander’s motion sickness, and with literally everyone trying to take care of Tara in the gang. It’s fine.

It’s always darkest before… it gets even darker, because this is Buffy, and we’re here for that sweet sweet emotional catharsis we get out of suffering through the pain.

Next up is even more depression. Stay tuned!

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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lord-wellesbrook-ix · 3 years

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The Problem with Modern Politics by Me, an unqualified, out of touch late millennial/early gen Z Brit.

Advance warning this is gonna be a long post, essay is below the break for those who care to read.

Ok, good, welcome! So yes, time for some personal details, because apparently such things are crucially important now to what one has to say. I’m 19, I’m white~jewish (ethnically, not religiously. And I list both because the distinction is...spurious at best imo), with some limited asian heritage (grandfather is Burmese, you’d not know it to look at me though). I’m bisexual, with a loving trans boyfriend, tragically kept away from me by that most perfidious of enemies, the atlantic ocean. I used to think I was trans, and started hrt, before deciding against it. I don’t know what my gender identity really is at this point, but I use he/him, and was assigned male at birth. Oh and despite my immediate family having some significant prestige (my dad is a VERY specialised doctor, only 8 people in the country can do what he does), because Britain and NHS, I’m also poor enough that I qualify for financial assistance through uni, and all that other fun stuff, so assign me whatever class you want, but I’ve never really had access to money or the like. All of these factors will undoubtedly somehow colour what my thoughts are.

So! Let’s tackle this on two fronts - My beef with the modern left, my beef with the modern right, and my beef with all the current “alternatives”. The Left Why do you make me hate you so? I want to be able to side with you. Economically, we’re almost perfectly aligned. Fuck big corporations, they abuse their workers, and are broadly detrimental to societal progress by merit of the power they wield. The state should use the money of the wealthiest, to help uplift the poorest, bringing everyone as close to a comfortable range of wealth and living standards as is feasible. Wealth taxes I’m against, if only because I look at things like FIRE with some measure of hope, because I find it infeasible that I’ll be able to work a “proper job” my entire life, and equally infeasible that the state will support me before I’m in my 70s. Unsurprisingly I’m all for trans and lgbt rights, and their advancement is imperative. Likewise racial and ethnic discrimination needs to be combatted (though I have a caveat insofar as how), and linguistic minority rights are ESPECIALLY important (not to out myself as Welsh...). Minimum wages, yes, and higher! Benefits should be more generous and more accessible! All of this! And yet. And, yet. I can never stand with any significant left wing party. Because of how they behave on other fronts. The general solution to racial discrimination seems to be mandates, and quotas, which are just...not a great idea? Because they’ll only work insofar as they are maintained, and at that point you’re not solving it, you’re just leaning on people to make it LOOK like the problem is solved. Instead perhaps, a better system would be something akin to a more continental system. Pictures are banned on CVs, as are any obvious racial or sex or gender markers. Further anonymising most processes, to further make any people making significant choices unable to determine race, sex or gender of the people they’re choosing about, allows for a truly blind process. The same, incidentally, should apply to class distinctions (personal story there to follow, because there class mandates have stabbed me personally).

Moreover, however, both left and right these days seems to be based on these vicious and disgusting ideas of guilt and hatred, only changing who receives them. The modern left want me to hate myself, and hate my country. My skin means that I am somehow inherently advantaged, and thereby everything bad that happens to me is fine, my country has committed sins long before anyone alive today was born, and thereby any bad thing that befalls it is right and good. I am guilty of the crime of...being born a certain way, in a certain place, to certain people, and because of that, because of my privilege, I must apparently have the road of life made that much harder to walk for me. I must be told throughout education that this country is evil, that “Britain” and the “British” are evil, with no consideration for the fact that, well, that’s me. Telling someone that they’re evil as they’re growing up is uhhhh, not exactly a good thing. I believe in this nation that reared me. Moreover I believe in its values, I believe in Britain, and I believe every person should have the right to believe in their country. People as a whole aren’t fundamentally evil. And whilst yes every country has sins, great or small, and Britain’s past leans closer to great, that doesn’t give people the right to try and engender a sort of national self-loathing in the population for it. I won’t venture into America (because America breaks my whole everyone should be proud of their country thing, because a lot of areas should frankly be made independent from the US). And as a part of my...I don’t want to use the terms patriotism or nationalism because both have been massively tainted by groups trying to claim them for years now, but as a part of these beliefs, I stand with the British monarchy. Hell, I actually argue they should be allowed slightly greater freedoms. That they should be allowed to speak out when they are slandered (naming no self-entitled actresses), and equally, that they should be allowed to have some limited vocalisation of other political opinions. We let celebrities do it today, and they influence elections far more than the crown could ever hope to. And let’s look at things that Chucky boy, our next king unless they do something VERY silly and skip him, has gotten into trouble for speaking about: Not wanting brutalist modern architecture, which has actually been proven to make for housing that doesn’t last as long, and negatively impacts mental health. And Being an environmentalist.

And

Wanting this country to treat the mentally ill better. Ah...such controversial, evil points, made by a despotic tyrant princ-oh wait no they’re just valid things. I don’t want them to be given the power to ENFORCE their ideas, that way lies absolutism, which runs against the ideas of a constitutional monarchy. But let them speak, there are people who speak freely with greater sway and influence than they could ever have, and far less accountability.

The Right

Oh boy, oh boy. Economically villainous. I despise nearly every economic ideal they stand for. They hurt the poor to help the rich, and just like the left, screw those in the middle. All I can credit them for on that front is that they don’t have as much of a tendency to support ugly, cheap mass housing, but only because they instead support no housing.

Socially...ugh. I look at the modern right as a two headed beast there. There are those like those on the left, who hate Britain, but instead of just hating us and wanting some vague utopia, they hate us and want us to become a corporate hellhole like america, which is arguably worse.

Then there’s the others. Those who take my ideals and corrupt them. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, rinse and repeat, and yes I know this is the hazard inherent in enjoying tradition and one’s nation anywhere, but can those traditions not be adapted? Anglicanism is already christianity minus any spine or sense of self, let it allow gays and trans people and all of that. Also uh yeah, don’t be racist. I don’t really know how to phrase that in any other way because...it’s not hard. Just don’t be racist. Treat people as people, not as their race. Do not treat me any different for being a jew, or having an asian grandfather, do not treat someone differently for being a person of colour, do not treat someone different for the circumstances of their birth, quite simply put. Alternatives

So, the non mainstream (LIBLABCON) parties? Let’s see.... UKIP/Reform - Ah racism, fuck off. Plaid - Ah, vote to...leave the country I love? And to be run from Cardiff by people like Drakeford, or Woods, or really any of the major players in modern welsh politics? No. Any flavour of communist - Last I checked they all want me to hate myself, so nah. Greens - Cool. You still want me to hate myself, and have really dumb economic ideas, but you’re a one issue party and I support that issue, so tentatively the lesser of all the evils. Idk why I had this rant, I am just very upset. There is no voice for people like me, and it seems there never will be. And I’m nowhere near rich enough to start a party to become that voice.

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gaymingvideos · 6 years

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hi! this might be a lil weird but i’m afab and starting to think i might be somewhere on the nb spectrum. recently i’ve had days where i’ve looked a bit more masculine and honestly it’s felt so good, and some days the idea of wearing a dress or a skirt just makes me so uncomfortable. i’m also a lesbian so idk if this just makes me butch, and she/her pronouns still feel ‘right’ to me. any advice? also tips on looking a bit more masc on some days? xxx

hey! I think tumblr ate my ask (or u just didn’t want to answer, which is also fine) but i sent an anon a few days back asking for advice abt figuring out ur gender. im an afab lesbian, but recently ive started to think i might be nb. ive recently been hating wearing feminine clothes and today i bought a new shirt and pants and i look rly masc in them and idk it feels so good to look like that but ive never really felt any issue with pronouns or feminised language towards me. any advice?

aaa tumblr did not eat your ask but i completely forgot to reply, i’m sorry !!! i think it’s important to know that clothes etc. don’t determinate your gender and neither do your pronouns, there’s plenty of nonbinary people who still use their “birth pronouns” and it doesn’t make them any less nb. so you could be nonbinary even if you don’t mind she/her pronouns!

but i think if you don’t like being seen as a woman, that tells a lot. for me i’ve always been really neutral but when puberty hit me properly people started to call me girl and lady more and i hated it a lot, which was when i started questioning my own gender. so your appearance doesn’t really show what gender you are, but if you don’t like people assuming you’re a girl then that’s a pretty big sign in my opinion

also there’s a lot of nonbinary identities! being nonbinary doesn’t automatically mean you have strong as heck dysphoria and hate everything to do with your assigned gender. there’s people who feel really disconnected from their assigned gender but then there’s demigender people for example, who are usually somewhere between genderless and their assigned gender. you might feel fine with your assigned gender with some things but not fine with it on others, i guess?

also your sexuality doesn’t really have anything to do with gender, those things are separate! you might be a butch lesbian if you feel like the only thing bothering you is your appearance and you want to look more masculine, but i think if it’s more than just clothing and hair styles then it’s a most likely a gender thing. you could go through some different terms and see if they apply to you, or try to call yourself more masculine words maybe?

also with looking more masculine what i usually do is wear a sports bra or my binder, and masculine clothing. hoodies and looser t-shirts are great. i hate leaving the house without make up but when i’m feeling masculine i often just do my eyebrows (dark and quite thick) and that’s it. also hats help!! beanies and caps are a saviour

i wish you luck and i’m sorry if this hasn’t been any help. its been a while since i was going through my gender crisis so i don’t really remember how it all went down haha but i’m sending you love 💐

#long post //#anon #ask

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sanerontheinside · 7 years

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*sets laptop on lap* *grabs coffee* *leans back* *throws feet up on desk* *carefully wiggles into semi-comfortable position*

right, I’m just gonna vent a little here, don’t mind me

@deadcatwithaflamethrower pls come laugh at me?

about 5 yrs ago there was this fresh new show, had some great ideas. the premise goes, Magical Characters From All Your Favourite Fairytales Get Dropped Into Our Horrible, Horrible World. where they get no happy endings (because apparently happy endings begin and end with meeting your Intended Mate but w/e noI’mnotsaltyatallhbu)

(That aside...) they mixed fairytales in a kinda fun way and a whacked up family tree, but it was cool when they started. so I decided, hey, why not write a fanfic for it. nobody ask me why I started with the Real World part of the show tho, idk, for the Angst probably. Modern AU with a lot of angst.

but also, this was the first time I was coming back to writing after a decent break. it was kinda about throwing ALL the ideas and tropes I could at the wall to see which ones stuck, or just... make all of them work somehow.

the fic quickly turned into ‘how about I write a history of this fantasy world’ of about 300 years (why?) and then became more like 1000+ years (WHY?) with a consistent mix-and-match of fairytales and popular stories with bits and twists. there’s One Thousand and One Nights, there’s Arthurian Legend, there’s the Princess Bride and Legend of Zorro and pirates and Dragons and Shakespeare’s plays (idek bro).

i really don’t wanna do greek mythology..... that shit’s weird for me on a good day....... ugh I’m probably gonna have to do greek mythology tho, it was, like, one of the possible explanations for the origin of Mad Eye Moody’s Eye, man

WHICH BRINGS UP ANOTHER POINT. I never actually intended to pull HP into this fic, but there are all sorts of hints and nods to other universes/popular works of fiction as you go.

this tho. this is the part where brains are actually horrible. because Brain one day up and said, well, this doesn’t have all that much to do with the show you started with, so, uh... you could... well in theory, you could profic it....

me: NO. too much to change in the parts that are show-based. and also, how do you explain Princess Bride references? am I supposed to change all the names of the characters who appeared in BBC Merlin?? (oy yeah—it became a fusion fic, too) how on Earth am I supposed to deal with the modern world characters and their storylines?

Brain: ok

.... 4 months later ....

Brain: okay get this: Arthurian legend has been fucked by everybody six different ways, calamity and incest. it’s completely public domain. let’s not talk about The Princess Bride just now, tho. and get this: there’s enough difference between your stories and the original tale or movie that it probably isn’t easy to recognise. you’ll be fine.

me: ... why don’t I believe you... oh right, because you give me bad ideas, like Let’s Write Profic! No.

.... and a month after that ....

Brain: hey look so Dragons, right? they’re people, but they’ve essentially created a magical form for themselves for ‘protection’, yeah?

me: I’m making lunch, please don’t make me burn it

Brain: well, why would they need a gender?

me: ...th’fuck... you’re telling me they go dragonform to have clutches of eggs and solve any incompatibility problems thusly?

Brain: well, yeah. I mean if you had magic and wanted kids and adoption wasn’t exactly totally an issue for a population that likes to raise its young in nontraditional, sprawling families, why not? gender identity could be pretty flexible for them

me: cool, cool, very cool. nice. I like this thought, please keep going.

Brain: wouldn’t it be a shame if you didn’t fucking write it tho

me: BITCH NOT NOW

.... and a few days after that ....

Brain: ‘sup

me: ceiling.

Brain: yeah I know you think you’re funny. but I’m funnier. question: your dragonfic, it’s kinda historical, right? ish? I mean when you picture the geography you’ve literally set it around the mediterranean, and your Dragonfolk cross the region from fantasy-Italy to fantasy-Egypt and then plonk themselves in the Sahara where nobody else lives atm, to survive after a damn volcano blew them off their mountain?

me: your punchline better be worth this set-up

Brain: base your timeline loosely on world history. pull in fairytales not just from Europe and mythology not just from Greece. they’re living in Africa, use that. go around the world, maybe check out Norse mythology. figure out what the deal is with how Dragon magic affected Agrabah, and then explain what it did to places between their city in the damn Sahara Desert and all the damn way into Agrabah, IT’S A DECENT DISTANCE—

me, three years ago with fingers in my ears: lalalalalalalalalalalalala

.... last week ....

Brain: you know, you could frame it as a meta!universe thing

me: what even the fuck are you on about now.

Brain: okay, you basically explained the One Important Wise(ass) Person for your civilisation as a holdover of how they were created, i.e., one day an author sat down and wrote something, then decided to ‘step in’ and basically never left, which is how they get to see all directions any moment or event can theoretically sprawl off into?

me: I give up.

Brain: you could frame it as a story about a fanfiction. at some point you reveal that your main characters are actually written characters, and you’re really telling the story about someone writing it. There’s the Modern AU, there’s the Pirate AU, there’s the Princess Bride crossover, and so on

me: convoluted. probably still illegally infringing on something or other. kind of a hopeless premise? like living in a dreamworld? that’s... that feels... fake? unsatisfying? like happiness only happens there. you know that’s a lie.

Brain: ok, maybe. but you could try.

Brain: maybe you can even do it better.

me: oh, fuck you.

tbh I really think Brain might’ve won this round.

So if you’ve gotten this far in my tale of woe, pls feel free to rec me any sources for ancient myths and fairytales from all over the world, and some good history sources, because today I’m looking up whether Cinderella is based on a French fairytale from the 1700s or the 17th century, and also travel in the 1600-1700s (was it reserved to nobles/high-income folks? where did they travel to?)

Anyway, chances are it’ll be another 5-10 years before anything comes of this.

but Dragons.

#sample chapter #I've a few already written that needed a serious rewrite #started migrating this to ao3... woke a sleeping dragon #dragonfic #ugh

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disableddisaster · 7 years

Note

ALL

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

****

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

****4. Are you easy to get along with?

sadie says yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

probably

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

women

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

well see which way the gay winds blow

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

erase nb identities COOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not rly !!!

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

river says me bitch

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!” to @gaysun

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

paramores entire new album killed me

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i dont have hair

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer just started!!!!!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

......... Yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YES

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

NO gross

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont know them theyre hermits and theyre old

21. What are you bad habits?

i pick at my skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22. Where would you like to travel?

i wanna go back to NYC.............

23. Do you have trust issues?

i thimk so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

what routine lmfao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my *******

26. What do you do when you wake up?

shower

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

this question is DUMB lmao

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friend!!!!

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?

eventually

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

i have a buzzcut

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

dude idk

33. Spell your name with your chin.

sdnbhgm,a

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

N o never in my life

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh boy YEA

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.... its silent...............

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

she...... is an angel

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

the thrift store..?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

high school is already done and im not rly doin gwhat i want lol

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

NO LOL

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

that im dead, because i never shut the fuck up

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ITS RUDE NOT TO

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

SPACE

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my cat

46. What are you paranoid about?

beetles in my bed

47. Have you ever been high?

yes it sucked

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes its fun

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yes lol

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

i dont rly like hoodies

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

conceptually?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i wish my fibro would go away

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont rly wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

the grocery store

55. Favourite blog?

@gaybellaswan

56. Favourite colour?

YELLLOW!!!!!!

57. Favourite food?

coffee

58. Last thing you ate?

salad

59. First thing you ate this morning?

crispy chicken wrap from tim hortons!!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

ive won almost every limbo competition ive ever participated in

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

idk

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

it was on my bed in 2014

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

that makes no SENSE

67. Facebook or Twitter?

facebook but its still awful

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

jenna, sab, emily, river, sadie :-)

71. Craving something? What?

coffee

72. What colour are your towels?

every colour

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

a giant bear, a carrot, a giant whale, and two pillows

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

a giant bear, a carrot, a cow, and a giant whale

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i have no idea

75. Favourite animal?

CAT CATCATC

76. What colour is your underwear?

its grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate chip cookie dough

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

grey

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

the office

82. Favourite movie?

princess bride

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

ive never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 jump street cuz i actually saw that one

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

dude idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the LIL SQYUID

87. First person you talked to today?

****

88. Last person you talked to today?

im talkin to sadie rn

89. Name a person you hate?

shay.

90. Name a person you love?

JENNA!!!!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

cole

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one pair

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a fuck ton

95. Last movie you watched?

i dont remember it had selena gomez in it tho

96. Favourite actress?

kristen stewart

97. Favourite actor?

men suck

98. Do you tan a lot?

I HHAVE A SUNBURN

99. Have any pets?

4 CATS!

100. How are you feeling?

yelly\

101. Do you type fast?

YES

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

everyone regrets somethimg

103. Can you spell well?

not really

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

not really

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

one time i went to a bonfire party and got so drunk i lost my shoes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

idk probably

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!!

108. What should you be doing?

noothing

109. Is something irritating you right now?

gfufu

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

yeah

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

****

113. What was your childhood nickname?

shy

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!!

115. Do you play the Wii?

its 2017

116. Are you listening to music right now?

sia!!!

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

only tge real stuff the stuff in those packets is garbage

118. Do you like Chinese food?

doesnt everyone

119. Favourite book?

idk harry potter or somethimg

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

i dont think so but mean lesbian is my brand so i guess

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO the fuck

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i dont own white shoes for that reason

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not really??

125. Do you believe in true love?

maybe!!!

126. Are you currently bored?

im answering 150 fyckin questions what do u think

127. What makes you happy?

cats!!!!!!

128. Would you change your name?

literally to Shy

129. What your zodiac sign?

libra

130. Do you like subway?

like the restaurant? yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i am not friends with a single man

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

still river

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

idk man

134. Can you count to one million?

theoretically

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

idk i cant think of any

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open so the cats can get in!

137. How tall are you?

4′11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair but curly hair is so pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunettes

140. Summer or Winter?

SUMMER

141. Night or Day?

night time

142. Favourite month?

may

143. Are you a vegetarian?

as much as i can be, but im broke and ill eat food

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark!!!!!!!!!!!!

145. Tea or Coffee?

COFFEE

146. Was today a good day?

i think so!!

147. Mars or Snickers?

neither tbh

148. What’s your favourite quote?

‘im gay’ - me

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

i dont know!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line

there is not a book anywhere near me tbh

#to-andromeda

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starlightbarbie · 7 years

Text

(don’t reblog this post if you’re not one of my friends talking to me)

okay, you know, i changed my mind? i’m cleaning house today, airing out laundry, so why not do the same emotionally?

it’s been weighing on me too long and making me feel like a bad person but i’ve been so terrified of burning bridges that i never want to admit when i have a different opinion social-justice/spiritual-wise than my friends on here.

bc a lot of people seem to have the attitude that having a different political opinion than someone means you literally can’t interact with them again or continue being friends.

which i understand, it’s an online safe space and you want to surround yourself with like-minded people so you can enjoy your time away from the real-life people whose opinions you’re stuck around. tumblr is kind of the only place you CAN talk to ppl about lgbt, race, gender, etc issues and avoid other types of ppl.

but it just seems so, in a way, divisive and un-productive to alienate people who you enjoy talking to and being friends with, who share all of your political, social justice beliefs except ONE or TWO....just because their ideology doesn’t match perfectly with yours.

especially when they’ve been respecting your opinions the entire friendship and there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to continue talking just without discussing those topics you’ve never discussed in the first place because they’ve been silent about them...

so maybe i’m afraid of all my friends finally learning my two differing opinions and immediately going “wow youre a bigot we cant be friends” and maybe thats presumptive and wrong but i can’t help my instinctual worries, you know? am i putting up too much self-defense here??

i hope i dont sound attack-y which i’m worried i might because whenever i get ranty....but whatever, this is all just MY opinion and if you read it i hope you can understand where im coming from and then, take from it what you will.

.hhmm. enough stalling...

ive never been “anti” otherkin--as i understand it’s a spiritual belief for some and a coping mechanism for others, and there’s no reason for me to bash that or find any fault with people who just feel a connection to a certain animal or whatever. that’s been happening for all of human existence, there are religions which believe in reincarnation, and i’m agnostic anyways.

i wasn’t raised religious, tho my mom was raised catholic--she wanted my sister and i to come to god on our own terms in our own time instead of being brainwashed by a church since babyhood. so far it just made us very secular. but i’ve had jewish, christian, muslim friends, and never disrespect anyone’s spiritual beliefs. i do preach separation of church and state and hold the political views that come with that, but i believe in freedom to express religion as long as it doesn’t infringe on another human’s rights.

but when it goes past otherkin...people identifying as animals, plants, and galaxies, that doesn’t harm anything--but when it comes to fictionkin and factkin it makes me very uncomfortable.

it feels extremely like theft of intellectual property and theft of identity. factkin, i have never actually seen a person identifying as, just people having “discourse” over, so i dont know if its even real but if it is...i dont even know if i have to argue against it, it’s literally pretending to be another person who is alive?? and is themselves. it’s way beyond wrong to pretend to actually be a famous person, and it is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. it could actually really scare or harm that person they’re pretending to be.

fictionkin is something i have seen a LOT and have friends who id that way, so that’s i guess the big topic here. no problem with otherkin, no one i know is factkin, but fictionkin....

i understand where it would come in as a coping mechanism, i really do. i can relate. i have characters that i’m very attached to, that i relate to very much, that i look up to and want to emulate. some of them i even feel unreasonably possessive over, like “well that’s my favorite character, they can’t be your favorite character if they’re already mine” which probably comes in to play with fictionkin feeling like they ARE the character so nobody else can be the character.

but the thing is, i can’t help but to feel like it’s intellectual property being stolen. it’s one thing to roleplay, to say “hey i know i dont own this character but i’m gonna pretend to be them and explore different scenarios.” the same for cosplaying or writing fanfiction and making fan art. using characters somebody else created to INSPIRE your own art is all fun and games as long as you dont claim to own any of the copyrighted materials.

claiming to BE the fictional character is totally claiming to own it. not legally obviously, i don’t think any fictionkin think they legally have rights to their kin, but definitely a huge mark of ownership to say “This is Me.”

they didn’t create that character. they didn’t spend hours, days, months, pouring their heart soul sweat blood and tears into bringing that character to life. the writer/artist did. when you write, you put literally all of yourself into your characters. every bit of it comes from your thoughts, your unique worldview, the things you’ve seen and learned all mixed together and spat out in a new form. it all comes from the mind of the character’s creator. in a way, their characters are each, them, or have their blood running through their metaphorical veins.

i am PASSIONATE about writing.

claiming to BE that character, that a writer put so much of themselves into, is almost like claiming to be that writer too. at least like carving out a piece of their mind and saying “this is mine, it came from my life in another universe. it doesn’t belong to you. it’s not a unique pattern of emotions and ideas and creativity that you spent years developing. it’s just me from another universe, what a coincidence, right?”

it’s so offensive to steal another person’s hard work like that. and tumblr--tumblr--is supposed to be this place where people care about art theft and crediting the owners matters? and that makes me very, very uncomfortable as an aspiring writer who has my own original characters developing in my head.

important side note: i dont think you can say that fictionkin doesnt actually hurt anyone the way factkin obviously would. i have seen personal accounts from people on tumblr that said people were tagging their ocs/self portraits as kin, or telling them that they were kin with their ocs and they were writing the story wrong in some way, and they were very distressed by it.

so. i have never said anything because i dont want to hurt anyones feelings and i dont want to lose friends, but i also have to be honest and say what i believe if i want to respect myself as a person. so that’s what i believe.

and i don’t think it’s a necessary course of action to cut off ties with someone because they dont believe in fictionkin. its like stopping being friends with someone because they have a different religion than you. i’ve had christian, jewish and muslim friends and as i said, i’m non-religious.

i understand that maybe identifying as a character is more tied with your personal identity than your religious identity, so it’s natural you would feel like people should accept that that character is part of your personality--but please understand that i can accept that there are aspects of all those characters in you and that you relate to them, without expecting me to believe that infinite universes AND reincarnation across those universes exist, which is more than any of my religious friends have asked of me. (ie no one has tried to convert me to their personal spiritual beliefs)

so that said, idk if anyone read all of this, but if you want to stop being my friend over it i wont try to make you change your mind. if youre uncomfortable talking to me after this, its fine and i wont push it. i gave my reasoning for why im willing to stay friends and put our different beliefs aside so know that youre always welcome in my life if you want to be, but i wont force you if you dont.

the next one is worse. stay tuned.

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liripip · 7 years

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You know that post titled ‘language’ about how the way marginalized people refer to themselves changes with time? Every time it goes past my dash I have this reaction of idk, discomfort. It’s difficult to put into words. And that post has so much momentum that I don’t really want to get in its way, at least not with this really long rambling memoir. So here, have some words. Read them if you’re curious about me.

The language-post starts with a story about a trans woman in her 60′s who refers to herself as transexual, transgendered, mtf and the message is like that is what it was like in the long gone past and we kids today couldn’t possibly understand. Thing is? Those were the terms used when I was suffering (and yes, I was most definitely suffering, it was absolute shit) through my first big wave of gender dysphoria and that’s barely eleven years ago. Those were the words in play. Had non-binary been a term I’d ever heard, I would probably have had a much easier time of it, but it wasn’t, and I was essentially told I had to pick a side and that made me miserable.

I chickened out of my first psych appointment to get testosterone treatment because the pressure to be masculine enough for their criteria was fucking awful. Like. Sweden still demanded trans people be sterilized before they could change their legal gender at this point? This is ten years ago, it’s not in the distant past. I still have my birth name in my passport, along with the name I go by, because it wasn’t legal for me to have an entirely gender neutral name.

Both of these things have changed since, and I could strike that name if I wanted to. But I have changed too, and now I don’t really want to. It’s part of me. And I did eventually go to the trans-care system and I was evaluated for transexualism (hey, that’s what they called it) and I met a pretty fantastic psychiatrist who helped me a lot. It was she who convinced me not to transition and instead she put a lot of work into giving me a sort of mental toolkit to build an own identity instead of trying to jump ship to ‘man’ which, I have to admit she had a point, probably would have suited me just as poorly as ‘woman’.

At this point I had still never heard the term non-binary. This is like four or five years ago. Things have moved very quickly.

Today I’m actually fine with colleagues and casual acquaintances and so on considering me female, when ten years ago being off-handedly gendered by a random stranger would have given me those weird psychosomatic stomach cramps and the cold sweat and that shit, I think enough of you will sort of know the feeling. I don’t like being unnecessarily gendered by people close to me, but since I used to be so sensitive to it the people I kept in my life where the ones who were prepared to adapt their speech patterns to never use pronouns to make me less uncomfortable, so it’s more or less a non-issue. I do on occasion like to wear make-up and dresses, and I actually grew my hair out long, and yes, it took a lot of mental pep-talking to convince myself that it was okay, I can do this if I want to, it doesn’t invalidate me as a person.

I was a bit wary of getting married because we have a nice, non-gendered word for partner that you live with, whereas now I’m a wife. I don’t love the word, tbh, but I like our marriage. We’re good. I can handle outsiders putting words on it.

I am having some serious problems trying to wrestle with the concept of motherhood, because I actually do want kids, like in the next few years, but while I feel like I’m ready enough for parenthood I absolutely cannot deal with the idea of me being either pregnant or a mom, and just writing that made me queasy. ‘Mother’ and ‘parent’ are for some reason miles apart for me and I need to work that out, at least well enough that the idea of someone calling me someone’s mom doesn’t make want to throw up. So yeah, some issues definitively remain.

#personal #pip has gender issues #but they're a lot easier to deal with than they used to be

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