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#exclusion
dduane · 6 months
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This sucks.
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avoidantrecovery · 6 months
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“A third way to react is self-isolation is where you prevent yourself from any further opportunity to be ostracized, by being by yourself, by being alone, by not allowing the possibility for rejection, exclusion, ostracism. This also allows the person to regain some of the needs that have been threatened [by ostracism]: it gives them control, you can't fire me, I quit. You end up taking control of a situation and preventing ostracism by not allowing it to even happen in the first place.
We know that some people become what we call rejection-sensitive. They experience rejection and exclusion early in their life and then they expect it to happen all the time and so they're always on the lookout and prevent themselves from getting in the situations where they could be rejected. They see it when it's not happening, and so on. While both aggression and self-isolation fortify the needs [threatened by ostracism] neither one of them lead to re-inclusion.”
– Kipling D. Williams, Full PreFrontal Podcast Episode 191
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convertgrapeling · 9 months
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if school children are going to receive ridiculously harsh punishments for things like "swinging on their chair" or "not having full equipment" then maybe it's time that schools started providing heavier/more comfortable chairs and paying for all school equipment. take it out of the fucking headteacher's salary.
"persistent disruptive behaviour" is the reason given for more than 85% of school exclusions and the criteria schools are using under this description is ridiculous. children are missing out on their right to education because grown adults can't tolerate a bit of swinging on your chair.
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man-squared · 1 year
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Really weird how the idea is that trans men (and anyone transitioning in proximity to men in any way) are believed to be transitioning to gain male privilege and out of victimhood, when in reality, I've heard so many transmascs (specifically trans men, and somewhat myself) talk about how they were afraid to even just identify as men because of harassment, exclusion, and denial of queerness for doing so (see this post).
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ladymacabrebeth · 1 year
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Whenever I feel excluded, underestimated, undervalued, and unreciprocated, I immediately find my way to the exit and bid my sayonaras forever. Goodbye because I know my worth now.
Lady Macabre Beth
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disabledunitypunk · 6 months
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A post reading: Shout out to people who are sleepy guys because they are physically disabled!!!! Life is a game and we are winning sleepiest guys on earth ever. /Pained but light hearted
Also shout out to people who are just dead fucking tired because of their disability. Not everything needs to be a cute little joke, you still deserve recognition <3
(This post is about physical disability do not derail)
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This post was PERFECT... until that last line.
Are you aware that significant and even extreme chronic fatigue are HALLMARK symptoms of MANY mental illnesses, to the point that for many they are part of the DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA?
Are you aware some of us can't TELL if the chronic fatigue is because of the anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, schizophrenia, etc etc ad nauseum, or the POTS, fibromyalgia, MCAS, severe vitamin B12/d deficiencies, gut health/absorption issues, or malnutrition secondary to those others...
Are you aware that some of us also CAN tell that in fact it's BOTH, COMPOUNDING each other?!?! That our fatigue would be lessened if we had "only" physical or "only" psychiatric disability.
Are you aware that calling it DERAILING for mentally ill physically disabled people to DARE to talk about their experiences is VILE behavior?
ARE YOU?!?!
Y'all talk about how cripplepunk is about being angry, about not taking shit from anyone about your physical symptoms of your disabilities.
Well I'm fucking furious. You're massively fucking ableist for calling it derailing to take something that is a predominant symptom of ALL disabilities and to say it's "derailing" to talk about anything other than YOUR disabilities because it's all about YOU YOU YOU.
You're literally derailing discussions of a near-universal disability symptom because something being about someone other than you, who has a different experience of their disabilities than you, who is possibly as physically disabled by their neurological and neurochemical conditions than you are by your physical ones in the exact same way - oh but that's not possible, right, because it's not the way YOU experience it.
Just shut UP. Just leave off that last fucking line and turn off reblogs if you're so fucking autocentric that you can't acknowledge experiences other than yours EXIST.
It's not DERAILING that I can't separate my mental illness fatigue and physical illness fatigue, and that in fact they combine into something larger than the sum of their parts, that multiply disabled people EXIST. That we're refusing to toe the party line and be good little crips within the community, because for all you talk big game about standing up to abled people, you're too afraid to tell other disabled bullies (or admit to yourself) how disabling your own mental illnesses are because of how they treat those of us who do.
Or you're just one of the petty bullies who can't understand their experiences are not universal.
Either way, you know how they treat us, because you've facilitated it. Bully or coward, you need to fucking STOP treating other disabled people like they're your fucking oppressors, like we have any fucking systemic power over you. We're over here being locked up and killed by police and killing ourselves over the lack of power with have and specifically the way our autonomy is TAKEN from us, and y'all have the nerve to accuse people who are as or more PHYSICALLY crippled than you of "derailing" by acknowledging our own disabilities.
Fuck off. You're not punk, you're pathetic. You're like that gay republican that was surprised when his party turned on him. You're helping leopards feast on faces by cannibalizing your own, then being shocked when you feel teeth start to break your own skin.
Like sorry, spikes and stickers telling abled people to fuck off on your mobility aid doesn't make you punk, in the same way that being a "mean lesbian/bisexual" isn't activism, it's just being an asshole. You actually gotta walk the walk, and you can't even talk the talk. Punk includes community building, it includes coalition building, it includes fighting AGAINST ableism, not fucking for it.
Might as well start calling yourselves cripplefash, because that punk mask you wear is coming off.
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(Userbox with combined wheelchair/rainbow infinity symbol in black and white, says "This user is PHYSICALLY DISABLED *and* neurodivergent.")
Oh, and btw. If you're wondering why this is tagged unitypunk. Paradox of intolerance, assholes. We don't tolerate ableism in disabled spaces. Not against neurodivergent physically disabled folks, not against solely neurodivergent folks, and certainly not excluding ANYONE from a primary symptom of their disability based on having the "wrong" diagnosis. That's the kind of behavior I'd expect of ableist DOCTORS, not our own fucking community.
You know how the queer community says "don't be a fucking cop"? Don't be a fucking doc. Pieces of shit.
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frameacloud · 1 year
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“Some weres in the recent past have made some ‘rules’ for therianthropy.  Ignore these.  There are no rules that any of these people can place over YOU and your spiritual beliefs.  Some will claim that you must be a predatory animal, or you cannot be a mythical beast.  Please do not fall for this.  These rules may be true for their small groups, or their friends, but they do not govern therianthropy.  Most of these people create rules to limit the number of members in their group, or to exclude people from therianthropy altogether.  These people have no right, and you shouldn’t listen to them.  Once again, find the truth for yourself.  The werecommunity has many members who believe they are mice, deer, rabbits, snakes, dragons, unicorns, and gryphons.  You find out what’s true for yourself, and nothing else matters.”
- Excerpt from “Introduction to the Newbie’s Guide,” by Jakkal, in 2001. You can read the full article here.
Some present-day context: Jakkal is one of the most respected and influential writers of the therianthrope community of the 1990s. She ran one of the main therian sites, which is where this article was. At the time, it was common to call therians “weres,” from the word “werewolf.” Today you can still find some therian groups who have made themselves echo chambers where they try to push misinformation of the very kind that Jakkal warns against in this piece from over two decades ago. Sharing and reading widely from different times and places in our communities-- especially about harmless opinions and experiences that differ from our own-- are important methods for preventing such echo chambers of misinformation.
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philosophybits · 1 year
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"Property" means dominion over things and the denial to others of the use of those things.... It is the private dominion over things that condemns millions of people to be mere nonentities, living corpses without originality or power of initiative, human machines of flesh and blood, who pile up mountains of wealth for others and pay for it with a gray, dull and wretched existence for themselves. I believe that there can be no real wealth, social wealth, so long as it rests on human lives — young lives, old lives and lives in the making.
Emma Goldman, "What I Believe", New York World, 19 July 1908
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kimchicuddles · 1 year
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Happy new year to everyone who ever felt excluded from their family (or anyone else's). You're always welcome in mine ❤️ patreon.com/kimchicuddles
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ladyzamos · 1 year
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At some point when little Willy Murderface was in elementary school, friendship bracelets made of embroidery floss became really popular. It started with just the girls, but the hype was so big that even the boys got into the fad, of course only using ‘masculine’ colors and not putting on any ‘girly’ beads or charms. It seemed like everybody in his class was making and swapping bracelets all day and some kids had dozens on each wrist. He really wanted to do it, too, to be like the other kids and show them that he was cool just like they were. The problem was that he didn’t know how to braid anything, and he didn’t have any friends to teach him. He couldn’t ask his grandmother; that would be too embarrassing and she probably wouldn’t help anyways. So Willy would stare at the girls who made the best bracelets at recess while they braided, trying to understand the mechanics of what they were doing (and effectively creeping them out). 
Over a weekend, he found some string and practiced and practiced for hours until he finally figured out how to make a braid, or something close enough. Then he raided his grandmother’s dusty sewing kit for thread. He painstakingly made a bracelet for everyone in his class, even trying to use their favorite colors if he knew what they were. 
On Monday he took all the bracelets he’d made to school with him in a paper sack. All morning he felt sick and nervous, but when recess came around, he stayed behind and put a friendship bracelet on each of the other kids’ desks. When the class went back inside, the others were all surprised and started trying to figure out who’d done it. 
It didn’t take long to puzzle out that it was Willy since he’d been weird all day and was the only one late to recess. 
At lunch one of the most popular kids in class was bold enough to walk right up to him while he was eating his tuna sandwich, drop the gift on the table and tell him that they didn’t want a friendship bracelet from him and he hadn’t done a very good job, anyway. It started a wave of returns. A few people gave the bracelet he’d made for them back, a lot just shoved them into his desk, but he saw a few in the trash can. The other kids laughed at him and made comments about how ugly his bracelets were. 
He was so hurt and humiliated that he begged his grandma not to send him to school the next day, even told her that he was sick, but she made him go anyways.
So, I was having a bad hair day, which got me thinking about hair textures and wave patterns. This made me think about my mtlOC, Emie. I always depict her with wavy hair. I got to wondering if it just grows like that. I decided that, yes, she has naturally wavy hair, but that she likes to put her hair in a braid at night just to make it easier to style in the mornings and to help her hair not get crushed flat while she sleeps.That made me think about Murderface. Murderface has that gruff exterior, but we all know he’s clingy underneath. He’d definitely hang around her while she gets ready for bed, watching her braid her hair. I like to imagine that they do a lot of physical care for eath other, lots of intimacy in non-sexual ways. I wondered if he’d ever try to help. This thought got in my head that wouldn’t go away and made me sad so I decided to share the misery. Sorry this isn’t really written in a creative way. If anybody wants to roll with it and take it somewhere, please feel free.
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avoidantrecovery · 6 months
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we need to talk about ostracism, self-isolation and rejection sensitivity
I've been reading about ostracism and was really surprised to find out how impactful it is in people's lives and how little it is talked about.
To keep things short (according to Kipling D. Williams, one of the leading scientists on the subject):
ostracism is the act of being ignored or excluded
it's different from bullying or other more "engaging" abusive behavior in that it's about completely shunning a person, excluding them, not talking to them or engaging them, not arguing, simply treating them like air
when a person is ostracized, the same parts of the brain are activated that activate for physical pain
taking a tylenol actually dampens the pain of ostracism
people feel the pain of ostracism, even if the group ostracizing them is filled with people they don't like
something as simple as the silent treatment or deliberate denial of eye-contact or handshakes can be considered ostracism
four needs are threatened when a person is ostracized: belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence
it activates an ancient fear of being abandoned and left to fend for one's life alone
the ostracized will go through three phases: reflexive (immediate negative affect and pain), reflective (efforts to re-connect with group via social conformity; if this is not possible aggression or self-isolation and development of rejection-sensitivity) and resignation (long term ostracism: feelings of alienation, depression, helplessness and worthlessness)
For me, AvPD began after an ostracism event paired with other bullying I was going through at the time. This was many years ago, however there is a through-line from that event to who I am today. After being ostracized by a group of girls in my new school, I tried my best to negotiate my behavior, clothes, etc... and be re-included. And the moment I thought I had been re-included in their group (they pretended), they pranked me, which nearly led to me drowning during a school trip. From that day on, not deliberately, I slowly began to self-isolate and separate from other kids. I became very sensitive to rejection and just couldn't place why, I definitely hadn't been like that prior. I had been very extroverted by nature, but suddenly would not go anywhere other kids might be (like playgrounds or toy shops etc…)
Even when I did form friendships with people, later on, it was more of a mirroring and masking, never deep friendships and no relationships. I was still negotiating, trying my best to not put myself at risk of ostracism again. Same for education and jobs.
Anyway, after reading about ostracism and just how strong the impact can be, I believe this is why AvPD developed for me. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced similar, I feel like ostracism is something that is easy to overlook. I always thought that the near-drowning is what had been a key event for me. But it was actually the prior ostracism that made the near-drowning so much more potent as an event. The strong desire to be re-included in the group and only to have the rug pulled from under me and literally be left for dead. That lead to me then self-isolating and so on... can anyone relate?
(The book is called "Ostracism, Exclusion and Rejection" by Kipling D. Williams). There is also an article in the Scientific American on the topic: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-pain-of-exclusion/
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aware-asexual · 1 year
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man-squared · 11 months
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It really baffles me that people wholeheartedly believe that people are only trans-exclusionary redfems if they only are transmisogynistic.
That is a huge part of their ideology, yes, but another big part is that trans people that were assigned female at birth are both "confused little autistic girls who are being forced to mutilate their bodies by the trannies [and they mean trans men here most of the time with trans people who were AFAB]" or "raging delusional misogynistic traitors who embody everything terrible about being a man and use their internalized misogyny to target our poor baby girls."
All trans people threaten their womanhood in similar and different ways, and they use that as a basis for their hatred (it very much seems like toxic masculinity but the woman version - because 'toxic femininity' hasn't really been openly coined or talked about as a concept from what I have seen). They hate us all and it's not trans women-exclusionary redfems; it's trans-exclusionary.
I won't say that they aren't targeting trans people who were AMAB (and gnc women and poc women) in droves, but they also target us in horrific ways. Just because a redfem doesn't say "trans women are men" (a simplification of their behaviors, ideas, and actions) doesn't mean that they don't think it, but also it doesn't automatically not make them T E R Fs when they target the rest of us.
Brought to you by another post that suggested that we shouldn't call people trans-exclusionary redfems if aren't transmisogynistic (I think this post was trying to bring up a good point but flew past it: not all transphobes are redfems -- however, a lot of transphobia is fueled by their rhetoric). Transmisogyny is so important to point out, to acknowledge, to fight against, but it is not the only tool used against us.
And honestly, it feels like we've gotten to a point were some people seem to believe, by what they say, that transphobes would be okay with trans men and other trans people if trans women didn't exist, which is a shitty thing to feel like people are saying about you when your group is being beat to death as well. This is not a women vs men or TME vs TMA or this trans group vs this other trans group issue! This is an issue with trans people, with gender deviants, with people who aren't cis, gender conforming, and white.
Plenty people are able to talk about transmisogyny, or other types of transphobia, or personal transphobia without pushing absolutes onto reality. Transmisogyny must be fought but it cannot be eradicated as an isolated concept.
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philosophybitmaps · 1 year
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tenth-sentence · 29 days
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Guilds, professions and universities excluded women so that the feeblest male candidate might get the plum jobs.
"Normal Women: 900 Years of Making History" - Philippa Gregory
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willowreader · 1 month
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This is in response to the NPR article below. Read both. I have been really upset how the Long Covid community has been dismissed. Nobody wants to know how sick Covid can make you. They are not believed, and their issues minimized. The media has not given them any kind of platform. I know a few people with Long COVID. I will advocate for them in any way I can.
The CDC has made things even worse by their new policies. It is almost impossible to protect yourself from COVID when there is basically no isolation period anymore.
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