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beautifulhigh · 7 days

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Hi hi!! It's unfair of me to ask you to actually write the full essay on the rwrb red room kiss scene, but I saw your tags and am very interested in at least what the main thesis would be, if you feel like sharing!! No worries if not 😊 Have a good night/day/whatever time it is where you are!

The last few weeks have been, well. They've Been™ and I'm going to use this wonderful ask to dust off my overthinking tag and write a meta post on this movie, these boys, and then hope more than three people care what I have to say.

The Red Room kiss scene is Iconic™ and Important™ and in this essay I (really) will discuss agency, framing, and why it always had to be Alex to be the one to make the move.

While book!Alex takes book!Henry to the Red Room, here he's waiting. Bundle of nervous energy. He doesn't know what to do with himself, how to hold himself, how to present himself when Henry turns up. He's backlit in this (which is a theatre technique, I see you Matthew) but it also adds to the drama and tension of the scene.

The (in)famous painting of Hamilton, about to bear witness to things.

We jump cut between Alex trying to find... something. Here he is realising his shirt has come slightly undone and he wants to try and be somewhat presentable. At least for the moment. But it speaks to Alex's physicality in this scene because he is shifting and moving so much that his clothing is shifting. There's also an interpretation that this suit represents the formality of the situation - the Prime Minister's dinner, at which he (the First Son) and the boy he wants to kiss (the actual Prinec) are supposed to be front and centre and the picture of formality.

He's coming undone in this moment because he's the First Son and he's waiting for the Prince, but he's also Alex and he's waiting for Henry.

Ah, yes. The casual lean against the wall. Fancy seeing you here, your Royal Highness, what do you think of the menu? But there's grounding here too. When you're spiralling focusing on a physical point of contact between you and and something can help ground you.

It's also a defensive stance in a way. You shall not pass, I'm not moving. Alex is claiming space and territory and he's controlling it.

"How dare you fucking kiss me, run away, ghost me, then walk into the White House like nothing changed." This is closed off, defensive, protective - probably why it's the quickest of the poses to be dismissed. He's got his back against the wall like he's scared or ready to come out fighting. And, in a way, both of those are true.

Book!Alex is mid-crisis on his bisexuality and while he logically knows he is very much into Henry, he's not gotten to the point of turning theory into reality.

Movie!Alex is more chill about being into guys, but this attraction to Henry is confusing him. He hates the guy. He wants to punch him in the mouth. With his mouth.

(What? That's literally book canon: and if he weren’t already hell-bent on destroying Henry’s infuriating idiot face with his mouth right now, he would consider doing it with his fist.)

Casual lean against the table, less staged and jarring than the extended arm against the wall.

But then Henry walks in and Alex stands to attention and he is... rapt. He is calm and composed and he is focused. We're back to the back-lit position which helps frame him with a near-halo effect.

And you can see that he is relaxed. There's a slight drop in the jaw, his shoulders are sloped and rounded. Because none on what he was trying to convey before matters. Henry is here.

"Look" he starts with - he's expecting a fight. He's expecting Alex to go off on one for the kiss, for the liberty taken. Even if Alex is willing to forget that it ever happened, take Henry's secret to the grave, Henry gets one thing right in this.

"my behaviour was appalling"

Because it was. Look, Hen, I love you and I'm with Alex in the feeling that I will go to war for you to see you happy and safe. But you did kinda kiss him without consent (harsh reading) and you did ghost him without apology (soft reading) and for a boy raised in the Royal Household that... well... it's pretty much top items on the Very Bad Behaviour list. He did not act with decorum or dignity, he did not act in the way that his status and position demands.

(That's OK, Hen. Because the boy under the linden tree wasn't the Prince. It's OK to not be him, and Alex is going to spend the rest of his life loudly loving the man, not the prince.)

"Shut up, stop talking." // “Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God,” Alex hisses

Because even though both versions of Alex said he wanted to talk to Henry, in the moment that's the last thing he wants to do. And actions speak louder than words, right?

Why it had to be Alex

Henry needed to make the first move, that New Year's kiss, because there needed to be something to make Alex realise that this thing he's feeling is very much reciprocated, and that Henry wants it too. If Alex had kissed Henry for the first time on New Year's Eve/Day then it would have been too much of a leap. Alex, at whatever stage of his bisexual journey, has no clear idea of Henry's orientation at that party. It's only with retrospective viewing that he realises that Henry was low-key flirting, and that the sharing of these deeply personal moments wasn't just a "two bros in a hot tub" thing.

So Henry had to kiss Alex first but then he had to run because there was no way that the mostly-closeted, private Prince could accept that a) he fucking kissed a boy, b) said boy is the one he's been dreaming of since Rio/Melbourne, and c) the boy kinda?? kissed him back?? Henry will have been having a low-grade anxiety attack all through January (and trying to reclaim some control with the date he went on in the book).

In this moment, Alex knows all the pieces. He's played this logic game to its conclusion and he knows all the facts. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into him. 3) He's into Henry. That last fact is something Henry isn't fully aware of (or at least can't bring himself to believe it to be true) and so it has to be Alex.

He doesn't want Henry to say something that would get in the way of this, doesn't want to hear any kind of pre-prepared speech of "yeah, we're better off as friends" that always happens when the couple get too close to getting together too early in the run time. Alex is full on shutting that down, shutting Henry up, and he gives as good as he got.

"Wait a minute" // Henry’s too shocked to respond, mouth falling open slackly in a way that’s more surprise than invitation, and for a horrified moment Alex thinks he calculated all wrong, but then Henry’s kissing him back, and it’s everything.

And this time it's both of them. Framed between Hamilton and the books. The American political trailblazer and the literary. In the space between? There's our boys.

Alex's hand is on the wall again and he's controlling the space but Henry is very much in it. He's protective but in a different way.

In one frantic motion, Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes Henry onto it so he’s sitting with his back against—Alex looks up and almost breaks into deranged laughter—a portrait of Alexander Hamilton. Henry’s legs fall open readily and Alex crowds up between them, wrenching Henry’s head back into another searing kiss. They’re really moving now, wrecking each other’s suits, Henry’s lip caught between Alex’s teeth, the portrait’s frame rattling against the wall when Henry’s head drops back and bangs into it. Alex is at his throat, and he’s somewhere between angry and giddy, caught up in the space between years of sworn hate and something else he’s begun to suspect has always been there. It’s white-hot, and he feels crazy with it, lit up from the inside. Henry gives as good as he gets, hooking one knee around the back of Alex’s thigh for leverage, delicate royal sensibilities nowhere in the cut of his teeth. Alex has been learning for a while Henry isn’t what he thought, but it’s something else to feel it this close up, the quiet burn in him, the pent-up person under the perfect veneer who tries and pushes and wants. He drops a hand onto Henry’s thigh, feeling the electrical pulse there, the smooth fabric over hard muscle. He pushes up, up, and Henry’s hand slams down over his, digging his nails in.

The sensibility of the suits is on its way out, they're not the First Son and the Prince. And Alex is taking the lead.

Agency

Henry is somewhat passive in this - although he is fully engaged - but it's Alex who set this in motion. Pun intended. Alex who pushed him against the wall. Alex who pushed him up onto the table and hiked his leg up around his hip, Alex who is driving in. Because Alex needs Henry to know that third fact. The one he's worked out, the one that Henry is just catching up with. This isn't payback, it's not some prank. Alex Wants™.

There's a scene I'm writing in my current FirstPrince WiP in which Alex and Henry have a charged moment. And Henry wants to act on it but those princely sensibilities get in the way and he can't let himself be led into doing something that could be used against him. If Henry made all the moves then the accusation of him taking advantage, of the inherant imbalance that comes with status and titles and positions of power. So in the scene, and here, Alex takes the lead. There's no way anyone could accuse Henry of forcing Alex into doing this.

(Good luck getting Alex to do ANYTHING he doesn't want to.)

So Alex gives and Henry takes and he gets the memo very quickly.

Fact number three. Alex wants this too.

Then Movie!Amy walks in on them (which IMO is way funnier than Book!Amy hissing through a crack in the door) and these idiots try to act like they weren't redefining International Relations a second ago. Alex is by the painting, Henry is by the books. They've gone back to their sides and they're playing at being interested in what they find there. But they're not, it's all for show, someone who gives a passing glance at this point sees this part of them, this side of them The First Son and the Prince: the politician and the literary.

They're both backlit, they're in line even if it doesn't look like it, Alex is no longer on Henry's right, and they're both trying to act like the people that others could see them as.

But we - and they - know better. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into Alex. 3) Alex is into Henry.

4) Everyone is on the same page now.

(Also I know Casey talked about seeing the Red Room on a White House tour and so that's why they included a scene in that room in their book, but I cannot ignore the fact that red = love and passion and danger and fire [the counter to the water motif] and it's a warm colour designed to excite.)

#jen answers stuff #overthinking jen is overthinking #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #prince henry of wales #red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie #meta post #long post #henry fox mountchristen windsor #otp: history huh

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randomfoggytiger · 2 months

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I started watching X-Files a couple of months ago and finally finished the whole show, plus the movies and revival. Jesus. I started looking at fanfic but am totally intimidated by HOW MUCH OF IT there is. Like. 30 years worth of it? Where do I even start? Do I read old stuff or new stuff? Are there any authors that have been writing since the 90’s? Who’s stuff should I be reading? What should I be reading? There are so many different kinds! (Okay, but not fluff, because The Ick.) (and only the shippy stuff because I am not a monster.) Where does one even start in this fandom?

Thanks for coming here, Anon-- I'll do my best~. ;)))

TLDR: If you want to read the classics-- the multi-chapter beasts hailed across The X-Files fandom-- I'd go to @lilydalexf's page and sort through her pinned Masterpost of recs; if you want my personal favorites, I've got my own complied Masterlist pinned, as well. If you want author suggestions, I listed a few below (but not all-- even of my personal favorites.) Older fics have a more "walled-off" approach to Scully and an edgier, distant approach to Mulder; newer fics have a more open approach to their exchange and dynamic. I prefer the latter, but that's likely because I was able to watch the show as a whole rather than episode by episode with a lot of guesswork in-between.

It's hard to pinpoint where to recommend you since I don't know your preferences; but here's a very loose attempt to do so:

I'm more of a short fic reader, but I'd recommend @melforbes, @slippinmickeys, @cecilysass, and @wexleresque for long chapters; @teethnbone, @leiascully, @aloysiavirgata, @enigmaticdrblockhead, @dreamingofscully, and @sarie-fairy for "atmospheric" writing; @baronessblixen, @welsharcher, @agent-troi, @television-overload, @invidiosa, @swinging-stars-from-satellites, @thescullyphile, @msrafterdark, and @edierone for well-balanced fluff/angst/humor/comfort fic/etc.; @o6666666, @ghostbustermelanieking, @mappingthexfiles/Apostrophic, and Lapsed_Scholar for their wonderful shorts (but especially Lapsed's Requiem AU compilations); @settle-down-frohike, @suitablyaggrieved, @amplifyme, @wtfmulder, @freckleslikestars, @lyndsaybones, @numinousmysteries, and Jenna Tooms/misslucyjane for their focus on Mulder and Scully as a "mature"-- for lack of a better word-- couple (no matter when their fics are set); @xxsksxxx and @writingwell write long-chaptered casefiles (my writingwell fic recs here might help?-- sorry for the codes, I was rushing out those notes); and if you want the authors everyone recommends, then @mashnotesofthemythopoeic/Penumbra (Masterlist) and prufrock’s love/plenilune (@lilydalexf links/descriptions here) are two of the many that fit the bill.

Other fic recs you might be interested in: @cecilysass's write more of these and Milagro recs, @enigmaticxbee mytharc and Scully family recs, @pennyserenade's reading recs, @two-microscopes shorter fic rec list, @nachosncheezies's slightly psychic Scully recs (describes three of the big x-files fics), etc. You want beautifully short poeticesque ficlets written and recced by @leiascully? Boom. You want Deadalive fic reccs? Kachow. You want opinions from the OGs? The aforementioned aloysiavirgata, amplifyme, baronessblixen, leiascully, suitablyaggrieved, cecilysass, settle-down-frohike, dreamingofscully, msrafterdark, as well as @iconicscullyoutfits and @myassbrokethefall (who write amazing meta, btw.)

Are you interested in AUs that write in Gillian Anderson's pregnancy? That have a storyline sans baby all together? That stick to canon all the way through the Revival? That stick to canon mostly, except for a bit of branching off here and there? Multiple Monday fics? Post Pine Bluff Variant processing? Mulder or Scully PTSD or panic attacks or hurt comfort? The many different flavors of Mulder's abduction or return? Casefiles (admittedly I stink at those)? My own fics (also in my pinned masterpost)? An author whose style you're interested in but would like a description of their work before making a long-term commitment? Lemme know~! :DDDD

Gotta run! Hope you like! (And sorry for any spelling errors~.)

#asks #anon #fandom #touched you came here-- thank you~!#though I don't know how helpful or clarifying this was for you XDDD #xf fanfic #txf #fic #rec

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mangoisms · 9 months

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circle k (back to you)

summary: in which you're just the graveyard shift employee at circle k bombarded by vigilantes.

━ chapter three: this doesn’t feel right | read chapter two

━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader

━ word count: 6.6k

━ warnings: robbery, gun gets pulled but nothing happens, brief mention of blood, basically canon-typical violence

━ masterlist

━ a/n: decided to include the last minute scene i wrote between tim and steph, specifically the one at the very end. fair warning, we shift to steph’s pov! also my first time writing for a canon chatacter so be gentle <3

“How’ve things been?”

“Like you don’t know.”

Red Robin, you think, sure has the gall to look as smug as he does right now.

After all, it’s not as if he had a point to prove to you. You very specifically told him he didn’t and that you didn’t care what he did regardless of whether he took your advice or not.

Despite the look on his face, he manages to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t,” you say, a little bit more accusingly than you mean to, following him as he ventures to the candy aisle.

“Alright,” he concedes, not looking at you as he bends forward to peer at the display of gummy candy. “But just so you know, it ended up taking a life of its own. You’ve made a solid impression so far.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not at all. The list of places we can visit like this without having the cops called or worse is very short.”

“But that perception works.”

“Well, sometimes it’s less about fear and more about plain disapproval. Which also does its own job but… tiring, sometimes.”

That… makes sense. The Flash can walk down the street in Keystone and Central without anyone getting all up in arms about it. These guys can’t.

“But it’s necessary, no?” Just curiosity. Not agreeing, exactly.

Red Robin takes two packs of sour gummy worms and straightens, turning away from you to head to the refrigerators at the back. “Doesn’t change the fact that we can find it a little bit tiring. Makes you wonder if you can strike a balance, but in the end, it’s nothing more than an ideal. Fear rules best.”

“I’m sure.”

“Civilian, remember?”

“Yeah, well, this civilian gets to pass judgment since I’m a citizen of this city just like you guys are.”

Seems like they forget that sometimes. Or Batman does. You’ve heard whispers of metas who found out they had powers and attempted to use them for good. Only to be sharply turned away by Batman.

There is something to be said about ensuring not just anybody goes out and does what they do, lest they get themselves and others killed, but the impression you’ve gotten is that he doesn’t allow metas in the city. No matter their experience or skill level. The only exception to the rule, so far, is Signal.

You don’t know. When you were younger, they seemed cool. As you got older, that changed. How could you trust them? How could anyone know if they were trying to do good or if they were just enacting their own convoluted brand of justice? Red Hood’s existence several years ago proved that to you and all the others.

Even if he was trying to set himself apart from Batman or whatever, the fact remains that everyone in East End, in Park Row, in the Narrows, in the Bowery, feared that they might be next. Didn’t matter if you were innocent or not because one’s definition of innocent differed sharply from his—from theirs. And when you were desperate like most people there were, that changed everything, too.

Sure, the GCPD is corrupt and so is the justice system and the government and practically every institution in this city, in this country, but… you just don’t know.

So, maybe he does have a point to prove to you.

Maybe they all do.

“Well, look,” he starts, surprising you as he turns with two bottles of Zesti in hand. “If you want us to stop coming around, we will. No harm done.”

Fine.

Maybe you’ll regret the decision but… it does make them all the more tangible to you.

“It’s fine. Keep coming around. Might discourage anyone from trying their luck and it keeps my shifts interesting.”

“And it’s all about you, is it?”

“If not, find another Circle K to haunt.”

He laughs. The sound is familiar but nice, in a way. Comforting almost. It’s then you shake your head and turn away sharply, trying to push the feeling away.

There’s that, too. Maybe if you can keep Red Robin coming around long enough, you’ll figure out what exactly it is about him that bothers you, that niggles at you.

It should help take your mind off things. Like your growing concern about Tim’s lack of contact with you. You and Steph have hung out twice since she came back and both times he said he was busy. It shouldn’t be something that bothers you, but the fact that your attempt a few days ago to hang out with him alone for ice cream was also shot down with that same excuse. And of course, his sparse replies to your texts.

But he did reply eventually. Just some agreement about what you said about Signal. Didn’t exactly carry the conversation much further but at least he replied, right? Same goes for the shared group chat between you, him, and Steph.

You haven’t spoken to her about it, either, but you don’t want to.

It’s—complicated.

That’s just what your life feels like these days.

Complicated.

Red Robin keeps coming around.

The others come around, too. You don’t see much of Signal working the night shift but you do see Black Bat again. Even Spoiler, though she keeps her distance for a reason you can’t understand. Not to say she is mean or anything. She just waves at you but she never says much else. You’ll hear her and Black Bat talking quietly, though the words themselves are lost on you no matter how hard you strain your ears.

You keep worrying about Tim, of course, and hanging out with Steph, who squeezes in time to see you in between her internship with social services.

For a while, things are calm. The vigilantes who pop up grow increasingly familiar and any wariness evaporates.

Then you get a new face.

The guy walking around the store in the oversized grey hoodie is doing a bad job at robbing you, you think.

Well, he hasn’t actually robbed you. But his hand stays in the pocket of his hoodie, clearly grasping something as he makes a couple circuits around the store. Either scoping it out to see if there is anyone else to worry about or trying to work himself up to it. You think it’s the latter, with how nervous and sweaty he looks.

Mostly, it’s for your own nerves to think that.

It’s been a hot minute since the store was robbed and you were held at gunpoint (or knifepoint). You aren’t explicitly allowed to trigger the silent alarm until either of those things make an appearance, so even with the bad feeling in your gut, you can’t yet do anything.

You are close, though. So very close.

But you don’t have to wait any longer as he rounds the corner and pulls out the gun.

Oh, great.

Before he can say anything, before you can say or do something, the door swings open.

When you both look, there is nothing there.

You wince at the rush of hot smelly air from the outside.

“Who—who’s there?!” he yells, then swings the gun back to you. “What did you do?!”

“I didn’t do anything—”

The arrow comes out of nowhere.

One blink and it’s embedded in his hand, the same hand holding—previously holding—the gun. You flinch as the weapon clatters sharply to the ground, your stomach churning at the sight of the arrow embedded in his hand, blood dripping; he yells in pain, dropping to his knees.

Then comes the owner of the arrow.

Dressed in black and dark shades of purple, the Huntress is a sight to behold. Her boots are soundless on the tiles. She looks… bored as she talks to someone. Some kind of comm, you guess.

“Yeah, I know, I’m on my way back, I’m picking up coffee. From the—yeah. So he’s gotten to you, too? Figures. What’s the sound—? Oh, just some idiot trying to rob the store. Yeah, go ahead and call the cops.”

You stare, heart beating so quickly you feel a little dizzy, as she knocks the guy out, leaving him to slump on the ground. She kicks the gun further away from him for good measure.

Finally, she looks at you.

The Huntress, a figure you’ve only seen in the newspaper or articles online, mostly grainy pictures, is very pretty up close. Shoulder-length dark hair, olive skin, lips painted a deep, pretty shade of purple, and sharp blue eyes, easily revealed through her mask.

“Are you okay?” she asks, watching you carefully.

“Y-Yeah,” you stammer. “Thank you.”

A slight shrug. “All in a day’s work. Coffee?”

“Um. Over there.”

“Thanks.”

You watch, befuddled, as the Huntress steps over the body of the now-unconscious robber and strides to the coffee machine, entirely unbothered as she grabs three cups.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you take your coffee, O. Give me some credit. Is Cat coming by? No? Alright, just you and BC, then.”

As the machine sputters out coffee, she comes back over to you. “Do you have any drink carriers?”

“Yeah, they’re over there.”

You point them out, on the other side of the Slurpee machine, and she nods her thanks, grabbing one.

She returns to the counter a couple minutes later.

“So, um,” you start, clearing your throat. “Is there anything in particular I should say to the police about this?”

She tilts her head, confused for a moment, before realizing what you mean.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You can say it was me. They’ll want to see the footage, too. Let them.” She pauses, giving you an appraising look. “Is there anyone you would like me to call?”

“Call?” you ask, confused as you ring up the coffees.

She fiddles with a pouch in her utility belt without taking her eyes off you, pulling out a ten dollar bill.

“Red Robin?”

“Red—no. No, I don’t think… I’m fine, I mean.”

Huntress nods and lets it go, accepting her change.

“The cops’ll be here in a few,” she says. “I’ll be around until then, so don’t worry.”

“Thank you, again.”

She gives you the smallest of smiles. “Like I said. All in a day’s—night’s—work.”

You watch her go, one part of you not wanting her to leave, but the other assuaged by her promise to hang around and make sure nothing and nobody bothers you again.

The police arrive a little while after that. By the arrow in the man’s hand, they already know who saved you, but they still demand to see the footage.

“So, it was the Huntress?”

“Yes.”

“Has she ever come by?”

“No.”

“Have you ever interacted with her anywhere else?”

You pause, barely stopping yourself from narrowing your eyes, because you do not like the accusatory tone this cop is giving you. What did he say his name was? Bullock or something.

You send a silent apology to Sandra Bullock for having to share her last name with this idiot.

“Well?” he asks, burning cigarette hanging from his lips, arms crossed. The smell of tobacco is nauseating this close. What’s worse is you’re outside while the other guys handle things inside. Even at one in the morning, the heat edges on unbearable and the humidity is even worse, making your skin tacky with it.

“No,” you say, a tiny bit exasperated. “I have never interacted with her before this. Why would I want to?”

“You were talking to her.”

“She was talking to me. Asked me if I was okay.”

Unlike any of these assholes who blew in here, sirens wailing, and made you put your hands up as they came in, guns brandished, even though the guy was obviously down for the count. Honestly, they scare you more than the shooter. At least in that moment. These guys can be real trigger-happy.

Now, they’re just a pain in your ass.

You need a Slurpee, you think. No, deserve one. For your troubles.

“It’s cut-and-dry, Harv,” the other detective, Montoya, puts in, having stepped away. She sends you a sympathetic look that just annoys you even more. “Got some calls from a few other convenience stores for suspicious activity. They saw this guy, too, but he always left before doing anything. Guess he finally worked up the nerve to do it here but it didn’t work out well in his favor.”

Bullock grunts. “You run her ID?”

Oh, for the love of—

“She’s clear. We’re good.”

Behind you, two EMTs haul the still-unconscious robber out and into the ambulance, which promptly leaves; a cop with gloves on steps out, the gun in a baggie.

Montoya asks you a few more questions, obviously trying to make up for Bullock’s brusque manner of speaking, but it’s a futile effort. You still cooperate, however, as politely as you can with the annoyance still burning inside you and this damnable heat.

Eventually, they leave, called away to some other incident, cars peeling away from the curb, blue-and-red lights flashing, sirens wailing.

You watch them go, allowing your scowl to come out full-force, your arms crossed tightly over your chest.

“Bullock’s always like that. It’s not personal.”

“Jesus,” you hiss, heart pounding as you whirl around; it takes a moment for your eyes to pick out Red Robin leaned against the brick apartment building next to the store, his figure mostly cloaked in shadows.

He steps into the light. Despite the nonchalant tone of his previous words, he looks, dare you say, worried.

“Just coming around?”

“No. I heard what happened. Wanted to come and see how you were.”

“Annoyed. And hot. And tired. Come on, let’s go inside. The AC isn’t that great but it’s better than this.”

Red Robin follows you in. You click your tongue upon finding the blood from the guy’s hand still on the tile. So, now you have to clean that, too, on top of the paperwork you have to fill out for the incident. Great.

You jump at the nudge of a knuckle between your shoulder blades. “What—”

“I can clean it up.”

“No, that’s—”

“Let me do it. I have more experience cleaning blood than you.”

“Charming,” you mutter. “But alright, fine. Thanks.”

“Cleaning supplies?”

“First aisle.”

A nod and he turns, cape fluttering behind him.

You rub your forehead, feeling a headache start to form, and continue for the Slurpee machine at the other end of the store.

A few minutes later, Red Robin joins you, wiping his gloved hands with what looks and smells to be antiseptic pads.

“Good as new,” he tells you, reaching for a Slurpee cup, too, as you sip at yours. “Like nothing ever happened.”

You sigh. “Thanks. Appreciate it.”

“So,” he starts, holding the cup beneath the tube for… the Zesti Cola flavor? What a complete weirdo.

“Are you—” he stops when he looks at you. “You’re judging me.”

“Who comes in to get a Cola-flavored Slurpee? That’s weird. You might as well just get a bottle of it.”

“Woah. It’s so not the same thing. If there was a drink form of, what do you get? Blue raspberry? Yeah. If there was a drink form of that, would you do that instead? A Slurpee is about the consistency. The slushy factor.”

Okay, that’s fair, but something about everything he just said makes you laugh. Hard.

Maybe the heat is getting to you. Maybe it’s the hysteria setting in. Maybe it’s Red Robin passionately defending his choice in Slurpee flavor and saying shit like ‘The slushy factor’ with a straight face. You don’t know.

“You’re finally losing it, aren’t you?” Despite his words, Red Robin looks almost relieved. He really was worried, you surmise, which is a… touching thought.

You quell your giggles, shaking your head; though the laughter was nice, your head is really pounding now.

“Here,” he says, digging through a pouch at his utility belt, pulling out a mini packet of… huh. Tylenol.

“Tampered?” you ask, taking it from him, anyway.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it already.”

“Again. Charming.” But it still doesn’t change the thoughtfulness of the action; he doesn’t have to. If anything, this stuff is probably best kept for him. Though with their proclivity for putting their lives in danger, you don’t imagine Tylenol would be particularly helpful against gunshot wounds, but still…

“Thanks,” you say, a little quieter now, more meaning in your voice as you tear it open and shake out two pills.

Red Robin shakes his head. “It’s the least I can do.”

You can tell he means it. Which is, again, both touching and maybe a little bit confusing, too.

But trying to decipher why he does what he does is a futile effort.

This is, after all, the same guy who dresses up and goes out fighting the worst of the worst night after night.

Best not to look too closely. Who knows what you might find.

Despite your best efforts, Steph finds out about what happened. Something about the newspaper, which is odd, because you don’t recall seeing the news there—honestly, much more crazy shit happens overnight in Gotham. Robberies are old news.

But either way, you can’t complain too much because you are appreciative of her coddling the next day, which includes, but is not limited to, ordering takeout, burrowing on your crappy couch together, and watching old 2000s movies.

The only thing missing is—

“He said he was busy but he sent me the money for takeout. To make up for it.”

You purse your lips but don’t say anything. That you don’t want his money. You just want—

Nothing.

“We don’t need him,” Steph says determinedly in the next second. Which is a departure from what she usually says—that you’ll see Tim eventually, that his work at WE will let up. You don’t have the energy to ponder why.

You sigh, sinking further into the couch. Steph is warm next to you. You can smell her shampoo. Jasmine.

“I guess not,” you concede in a mumble.

You can’t do anything but concede. After all, it’s your initial avoidance of him at the start of June that caused this, right? And he keeps dodging your calls, your requests to hang out—points in which you might’ve been able to clear the air, apologize for it, but… no.

It’s not like you could track him down. You know the apartments he lives in—down in Old Gotham, in a much more expensive building than your shitty one here in Coventry. But sometimes he spends time at the manor, too, up in Bristol and you can’t ambush him there. You couldn’t. That would be too much. Right?

Trying to find him at WE is a lost cause, too. Not just because they have three given locations throughout the city but because you wouldn’t know if he was in or not.

Or maybe you’re just looking for the easy way out.

Complicated.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

“You look tired.”

“Thank you, Red, because that’s what every girl loves to hear.”

“Just a simple observation,” he responds, leaning against the counter, eating a kolach. Your Slurpee cups sweat in the mid-June heat, creating rings of condensation on the scuffed and scratched counter. You watch a droplet slowly roll down, joining the ring of water.

Your eyelids are heavy, dragging with each blink. A dull headache reminds you of your restless sleep and you’re sure the bags under your eyes tell it to the world, too. To Red Robin, specifically.

He finishes his kolach, crumpling the wrapper in one hand, looking steadily at you all the while.

“What?”

“Is it because of what happened last week?” he asks and his voice is frightfully gentle in a way you are not emotionally prepared to deal with.

“No,” you say quickly. “It’s not that.”

The occasional nightmare bothers you but that’s normal. You can deal with that.

“Then?”

You shake your head. God, you are exhausted. You fold your arms on the counter and bury your face there.

It’s quiet for a minute.

The refrigerators hum at the back. The AC makes an odd clanging noise before it turns on. Somewhere outside, a dog barks.

“I’m a good listener,” Red hedges after a minute. “Or so I’ve been told.”

“It’s stupid,” you say, voice muffled.

“Why?”

“Because it’s, like, stupid twenty-year-old drama and not, I dunno, the latest rumors on drug trades.”

Red laughs. It’s a pleasant sound that makes something inside you unwind.

“You should be relieved to hear I am up to date on the latest rumors on drug trades. And also, believe it or not, I do like to talk about things other than crime.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

A soft chuckle. It sounds almost affectionate.

“Come on. Whatever it is, it’s making you lose sleep. That’s not good.”

“Losing some sleep isn’t the end of the world.”

“I don’t know. Feels like it might be for you.”

You grunt, an old memory from Keystone niggling at you. You set it aside for the moment.

“It’s nothing,” you say eventually. “It’s just—nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s nothing,” he remarks. “But if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s cool, too. If you ever do—”

“Dr. Red, to the rescue.”

He laughs. “Well, I’m not a licensed therapist and I can’t promise my advice is sound, either, so…”

“Don’t sue you?”

“Like you even could. But still, I’m here.”

You want to ask why but that might be too much for you right now.

You let yourself settle with some generic explanation, that he is obligated to ask that as a vigilante, as someone who is generally supposed to be concerned with the wellbeing of the citizens of this city. And also he is trying to prove some kind of point, so this is part of that.

“So,” you quickly say to change the topic. “What are the latest rumors on the drug trade?”

He laughs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You look tired.”

“Thank you, Flash, that’s exactly what I’d like to hear.”

“Just a simple observation,” he says, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

“Well, rest assured, I have Tim and Steph on my case about it. They’ve both demanded a video call with me tomorrow despite me telling them I am alive and well. Apparently, just saying I’m alive isn’t reassuring. Can’t imagine why. That’s more than enough in Gotham…”

Mother hens, the both of them.

And Flash, too, apparently, though he does a better job of covering it up.

Off near the coffee machine, a melodic hum of Dancing in the Dark, the song currently playing lowly overhead, reaches you. You tune into it, the sound lulling you, both because it’s pleasant and because the song makes you think of Tim and his love for Bruce Springsteen (largely in honor of his late father, Jack Drake). Because of that, you totally miss Flash’s next words.

“—here? Oh, Jesus, Piper! Stop humming. You’re distracting her.”

“Oh, sorry!” comes the apologetic and still melodic voice of the Pied Piper. More normal now, though, letting you shake your head and focus again. Piper comes around the aisle, a big cup of coffee in hand; he gives you a handsome and apologetic smile that you wave off.

“It’s fine—what were you saying, Flash?”

He wiggles his fingers at you. “I’m just curious about those two, that’s all, since they seem very worried about you, oh, practically all the time. Not that it’s unwarranted, of course.”

“I’m fine, Flash.”

He gives you a look. “I don’t believe that but seems like they got it covered so, I’ll let it go. I’m still curious about them, though. What are we talking here? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Both boyfriend and girlfriend? That’s cool, I don’t judge.”

“Are you—what? In regards to who?”

“You, obviously.”

You shake your head quickly. “No. No, absolutely not. Tim and Steph dated when they were teens, they’re exes. That’s weird.”

A bit of an uncomfortable discussion, too, if only because you are… too aware of your own attraction to Tim. A different kind of attraction. One that has you constantly admiring him. Or had you, back when you were in Gotham. With Steph, you know she is stupidly pretty but it doesn’t fluster you.

It's… nothing.

(It has to be nothing.)

“Feelings are a natural part of life, kiddo! Nothing weird about it. Have they been weird about it?”

“We’ve never even discussed the remote possibility of me dating either of them—because that would never happen in a million years.”

“Well, if they’re friends, then it shouldn’t be a problem. You don’t get many exes who can stay friends after a breakup. Right, Pipes?”

“It’s true,” he says easily, and, hold on a fucking minute, is… is the Flash implying that he and Piper dated?

“Yes, we did,” Flash answers and oh, you said that out loud, and this is… a bit of Flash lore that you aren’t sure you ever needed to know.

But still. He continues, shooting a grin at Piper. “And we’re still great friends! Me, him, and my wife!”

“Wife?” you choke out.

Great. More lore.

Piper rolls his eyes. “Flash.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean to give that away but it’s fine, we can trust her. She’s a friend.”

The words would be sweet if you still weren’t compartmentalizing the fact that he is actually married and… apparently dated the Pied Piper at one point. The Pied Piper who used to be part of the Flash’s rogue gallery, then reformed. Huh.

“You—” you point at him for good measure “—have a wife? Someone actually married you?”

Piper bursts out laughing. It’s a pleasant sound you could get lost in… No! Focus.

Flash looks affronted. “I’ll have you know I am excellent husband material!”

Piper, still chuckling, looks at you and gives a small shrug. “It is true. The superhero community isn’t very ripe with it, for reasons I’m sure you can figure out, so, Flash is a bit of a standout in that area.”

“Because the bar is low.”

“Not true,” Flash interjects. “Superman is married. You know how hard it is to compete with Superman? It’s hard. But I manage it. We’re nearly neck-and-neck in terms of husband material, I’d say.”

He ignores Piper’s snort of laughter and leans in conspiratorially. “But you know who isn’t married? Batman. He’s not husband material. He’s not even boyfriend material.”

You look at Piper, who shrugs. “Never met the guy, thankfully, but from what I’ve heard from Flash, I have to agree. The tall, dark, and broody thing can be attractive but—”

“He’s just a sourpuss,” Flash finishes. “No sense of whimsy whatsoever.”

“Oh, and you have that?”

Piper laughs as Flash sputters. “I can have fun! Why do you think I hang around you?”

You laugh. “That’s… Alright. Fine.”

Flash cocks his head suddenly, no doubt listening to the police frequency he tunes into. Piper fishes out a twenty for everything and tells you to keep the change. In the next moment, the both of them are gone, leaving you with a sharp gust of wind and arcing blue lightning that makes your skin break out in goosebumps.

Okay, then.

Your video call is the next day—Saturday—and it goes as well as you think it will.

“You look like shit.”

Steph is more blunt about it, but the sight of Tim’s grimacing face on your laptop screen shows he very much agrees.

“Thank you, my dear friends, it is lovely to see you, too, yes, I’m doing quite well, thank you. And you?”

“Okay, fair,” Tim says, holding up a hand, “but don’t lie and saying you’re doing ‘quite well.’ Someone doing ‘quite well’ doesn’t look as exhausted as you look.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “And you wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Or boyfriend,” Steph tacks on immediately, not one to miss an opportunity to tag him.

He rolls his eyes. You shuffle around, freshly showered, looking around for your lotion, then remember it’s in the bathroom.

“Give me a sec,” you say to them, heading over to it.

The audio of the video call feeds out from the speakers of your laptop, so you can easily hear their next conversation.

“It’s so hard, isn’t it?” Steph asks

“What is?” comes Tim’s confused question.

“The urge to resist wiring her money. It’s written all over your face, duckie.”

“Like you don’t want to, either,” he shoots back.

A pause.

“Maybe we can—"

“I can hear you!” you call as you go back to your desk, bottle of lotion in hand. They look a tad sheepish as you settle in your chair. “And look, fine, I won’t say to a couple bucks—"

“Define a couple bucks,” Tim says.

“Max twenty—for dinner—” as soon as you say that, they’re both scrambling for their phones. You grimace. “Guys, come on, it’s not that bad.”

Tim gives you a concerned look. “Even your bags have bags.”

You blink. “Did you just… quote Spongebob?”

Steph grins in the other frame. “He’s finally cultured.”

Then they both return their focus to their phones.

A second later, yours chimes with notifications from Cashapp, twenty dollars from each of them.

“Guys… everything is fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Steph says stubbornly. “But that’s fine. You know you can rely on us, right? We’re friends. That’s what friends do. I know Timothy over here doesn’t always set the greatest examples for it—”

“Thanks, Steph.”

“You’re welcome,” she replies without missing a beat. “Anyway, let us help.”

“You’re already helping,” you soothe. “So, it’s okay. This semester is going to be tough but it’ll be worth it. And after this, it’ll be easier, okay? You guys are here now—”

“Not in a way that really matters,” Tim mutters.

“Which is not an invitation to come over here,” you warn—him, mostly. Steph would go along with it but he’d be the instigator.

They both pout.

You smile. Sometimes, it’s hard to handle the fact that you have friends like this. Friends who care so deeply, who love you so much, it feels hard to breathe. Because you know you love them just as much.

“I love you guys,” you say next, because you have to say it, they have to know; it’s hard for you, sometimes, just because it scares you, but after everything, you know how important it is for the people you love to know you love them.

They soften, echoing the words, and that’s enough for you.

Of course it is.

You don’t have much. No parents, no other family.

But you have them.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

A slow blink. “Updating Redbird’s security protocols?”

The garage of Tim’s townhouse smells sharply of oil and rubber. But he isn’t elbow-deep in the engine today, just seated off to the side, laptop perched on his lap and hooked up to its system. ‘Updating’ it. God knows why. The Redbird’s security protocols are just as stringent as the Batmobile’s.

Jason once regaled them with his plan, way back when, to blow it up. Bruce included. And how he went about it.

“It’s got safeguards like crazy, right? Even when it’s idle or shut down. Come up to it, fire a gun, launch a missile—doesn’t matter. Not gonna touch it before the security protocols kick in. It can sense you on thermal, air currents, video recognition, all of it.”

“So, how’d you get past it?”

“SEAL-grade wetsuit. Invisible to thermal with reflection fibers that play hell with video. But the biggest thing? Going slow. And I mean slow. Like five seconds per inch slow.”

The insane attention to detail and paranoia runs in the family, obviously.

Tim had sat in for that. Stephanie remembers the look on his face. Begrudging respect, combined with a familiar twitchiness that told her he was absolutely dying to run out and start updating his stuff.

Question everything. That’s what Bruce says.

Tim tries to separate himself from it. He really does. It gets tiring, exhausting, to live like that. But old habits die hard and his big brain precedes him sometimes. Wondering at the possibilities, at the million-in-one scenarios.

Ordinarily, Stephanie has more sympathy for him. Really. But right now, after your phone call about his little visit to Circle K…

She’s pissed.

“Don’t play dumb,” she says, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

“What is it that I’m playing dumb about?” he asks, averting his attention back to his laptop, keys clacking quickly, pausing momentarily as he takes a swig of Red Bull.

She tells him.

At the sound of your name, he stops.

But now that she’s started, she can’t stop. “Visiting her? As Red Robin? What are you thinking, Tim?”

The clack of keys resumes. The set of his gaze on the laptop screen is very intentional now. Avoiding her.

“It’s nothing, Steph,” he says and she almost believes it. But she knows him, so she doesn’t. “It’s harmless.”

“So, why won’t you hang out with us? Her? Because I assume you’re also avoiding her individually.”

A little sigh. Impatient. “I’m not avoiding her. I really was busy. Have been busy. You know how the heat messes with the city.”

It’s the excuse that bothers Stephanie.

Tim is making some kind of choice here. Choosing to favor Red Robin over himself, over Tim Drake, and it makes no sense. Red Robin isn’t your best friend. He isn’t even your favorite vigilante. (Black Canary is. She agrees, though it would be nice for Spoiler to get some spotlight but that is neither here nor there.)

You know who is your best friend? (One of them, anyway.)

Tim freakin’ Drake.

Stephanie knows why he’s avoiding you all of a sudden. The connection will be too easy to make. It’s why she—as Spoiler—keeps her distance. Tucks away her hair, hides her face even more, when she and Cass visit Circle K.

Even though! They had talked about telling you. Stephanie wanted to tell you so badly. You know who her father is. Was. You know how her mom used to be like. You know everything and you never once judged. You were, to be sure, a bit wary of them—the vigilantes—but most were. You wouldn’t turn them away if you knew.

If there is anything Stephanie knows, it is that.

But then she went away to Metropolis for a week and a half and suddenly, he’s visiting you as Red Robin. And he’s not trying to ease you into it, not trying to help you latch onto some clues, to make it easier—because they’d discussed that, too!—he’s doing it because… Well, she doesn’t really know. But there is a reason. She knows that much. A big reason.

It makes no sense to her, considering his feelings. Complicates things unnecessarily. Especially with how he’s avoiding you because of it, because he apparently got cold feet on telling you the truth.

And it’s the excuse… it’s the excuse that pisses her off.

Their relationship, back when they were kids, had some questionable origins. It did. Stephanie did things she wasn’t proud of. He did things he wasn’t proud of. It was messy. She tries not to kick herself about it—about being a silly girl in love, awed at the attention of a boy like Robin, knowing he was dating a girl (Ariana Dzerchenko, her name was, she would later find) and making moves on him despite that, moves that he always, always went along with. Like two magnets that couldn’t help but fall together.

Don’t get her wrong! The blame is not solely on her. It’s on him, too. She shouldn’t have pushed. He shouldn’t have went along with it, knowing he had a girlfriend, too. He shouldn’t have held his knowledge of her identity over her head the way he did. He isn’t mean-spirited at heart but he had an advantage over her. He knew she was Stephanie Brown. She knew him only as Robin and nothing else. Not until later on that would change and that… that was another mess entirely.

But they were dumb and young. Stephanie tries not to hold it against herself. They know better now. She knows better now. Knows what she deserves.

But this feels too close to him crossing that line.

No, he has crossed that line.

Given one persona up for another.

Approaching you as Red Robin, while you know nothing of him, and doing god knows what…

Someone is going to get hurt.

Last time, it was him. The circumstances, Bruce’s unceremonious reveal of his identity to her—a mistake, an egregious overstep—it all culminated in Tim feeling betrayed. Betrayed that Bruce would reveal that to her without Tim’s say so, without even asking him if he was okay with her knowing. Betrayed that Stephanie went along with it.

This time?

Stephanie feels it in her bones.

The person who is going to get hurt is you.

You, clueless about these lives they lead, clueless as Tim monopolizes your time as Red Robin, all the while you have no idea it’s him. You, her best friend. Stephanie loves you to the end of the universe.

She doesn’t want to see you hurt.

The mere thought of it, of the potential fallout, leaves a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Steph. Steph, it’s fine.”

She blinks, coming back to herself. Tim is standing in front of her now, dark brows knitted together, blue eyes intent on her face. Concerned.

“You’re lying to her.”

“We’ve been lying to her.”

“Not like this,” she says quietly. “Not this way. You’re… This is too much, Tim. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. What happened?”

“Nothing,” he says. For what it’s worth, to anyone else, it sounds believable. But like she said. Stephanie knows him. For better or for worse.

And on that end, she also knows he is not going to budge. No matter how much Stephanie wants to drill this into him, grab him by the shoulders and make her point. Once he’s made a decision, he commits.

Or more like he’s dug himself into this grave and he doesn’t (can’t?) want to get out.

“This is a mistake,” she says. “And you know it. I just hope you actually try to fix it sooner rather than later. Because if you break her heart, I’m going to break something of yours.”

Stephanie loves Tim. He’s a great friend. They’ve had their ups and downs—even discounting their relationship—but they’re solid. They are.

But she loves you, too. So much so it sometimes feels like she’s going to burst with it. She’s never had something like that, like this, and in the end, she doesn’t want to choose, but Tim knows better. And because he knows better, you are her first priority.

Even worse, he doesn’t seem bothered by the threat. Relieved, if anything.

“I’m counting on it, Steph.”

Which is so unfair in so many ways (fix it, she wants to yell, don’t rely on me to come clean up when shit hits the fan—do it yourself!) but she’s had enough of this conversation and all the ways this can go wrong.

Maybe he will turn around. Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But she doesn’t think so. He won’t. Not until the consequences of this, of his lies, of his excuses, come hit him in the face.

She wishes it weren’t like that—knowing what it will result in.

But some things you just can’t change.

She knows better with Tim.

She really, really does.

reblogs are appreciated!

taglist: @peachesona @knoxx-seresinbradshaw @kikis-writing-service @sweetistic @soundsfunbutno @ginevraxrogers @fridaenpina

[ask to be tagged! either in my inbox or here! ^_^]

#tim drake x reader #red robin x reader #dc comics imagine #tim drake imagine #red robin imagine #tim drake x you #tim drake x y/n #red robin x y/n #red robin x you #dc comics x reader #batfamily x reader #batfam x reader #batfam x you #batfam x y/n

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sir-yeehaw-paws · 7 months

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When the kids come back, I'll talk it out with them. If that's still possible.

*Whether or not this conversation took place we don't know but what I DO know is I LOVE how Kaz is written as a character. As deeply flawed, warped and messed up as he is.

Oh look another Kaz meta from Nate be shocked and awed *cough*.

Which honestly, is why I like his character so much. Kaz had to be built up in reverse, and the story and writing around him is SO good. Because he is such a deeply, horribly flawed person with insane ideology and a tattered moral code. As grey as the rest of them.

This tape is one of those bits where Kaz says a whole lot, and gets so close to a point, but doesn't quite hit it. It comes around to a theme of justification: "Yeah. That's it alright. I wanted to use those kids, to test that theory." But to the kids or to himself. I'd argue it might be both. Because Kaz is aware of his own flaws, and the kind of person he is. He is utterly ruthless and unashamed of that fact. Kaz will bring down nations, people-anything it takes, to get what he wants.

And in a way, he absolutely does. We know that from the canon events of other games. But he's not ignorant of himself, even if he searches for excuses. "I hate kids. That's exactly what I heard from the people who raised me."

Kaz never fully comes around to admitting that he's been angry and full of spite his entire life, but it's evident with how he talks. He's roundabout with it-as he is almost everything he says. But it's obvious what he's getting at. The things he says. He tries, desperately, to find a reason for his actions. But those reasons never 100% come to the point where he admits he might be part of the issue here.

This a completely valid point. But then of course, as nature is wont to do; he grew up. Everyone comes to the point in life where their opinions, thoughts, feelings etc are disregarded. Then suddenly BAM you're an adult, and people listen to you. And you don't know why.

But in conjunction with that, eventually we all reach a point in life where it doesn't matter how rough or terrible childhood was, we have to move on. We have to accept that it happened, we can't make it better, and there's only so long we can lean on 'rough past' as a reason. Eventually you have to move on-otherwise you get nowhere.

But Kaz never fully moves on. He comes close. He has moments within MGSV itself, but what happens after MGSV? He joins Foxhound in the mid 90's, trains up Snake-and has him kill Big Boss. That is the exact opposite of moving on. Even if he ends up understanding Venom at certain points. Even if he manages to admit at times, 'revenge solves nothing' him admitting it doesn't change how his life pans out.

He stays angry.

He stays hurt.

We don't know what kind of mindset he has upon his death in 2005, but his flaws are never rectified. His entire life is a tragic, uphill stream of doing it, failing, doing it again, failing. And dying alone in an Alaskan cabin. Because MGS is a cyclical form of storytelling, and the cycles always continue.

Ironically, Kaz does in his own way create a legacy. His own legacy of bloodshed and terror. The war economy, for-profit PMC's. A dictatorship where the leadership is cross-border, hell beyond borders.

Which, given how he talks and behaves in life, is what he wanted. And it doesn't matter one bit in the end. It gives him, personally, nothing. Unless some unmarked Alaskan grave counts as 'something'. You tell me.

Until they're broken-by force, by Snake, Otacon and Sunny.

*As a quick aside, I ADORE how RAD acts Kaz out.

#mgs #mgsv #character posts: kazuhira miller #thoughts posts #headcanons #I LOVE THIS TERRIBLE DUDE SO MUCH OKAY #i ended up cutting the video off too early btw sorry about that

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mistymisfit · 2 months

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So long, Marianne I

Summary: Reader is a spy working undercover in Gotham when she meets Jason Todd, who despite her better judgement she forms a very close friendship with. This story follows their escape from Arkham asylum, their fall out and the times they run into each other as they get older.

Relationship: AK!Jason x Meta!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence (I'm serious, tho- in canon it's also pretty violent), angst, hurt/no comfort (for now), this series is just my excuse to write angst lol.

A/N: *CIPA means Congenital insensitivity to pain and anhydrosis aka people who are unable to feel pain. see the end for more notes :)

Word Count: 4,2K

Read on AO3

Part 2- Masterlist

He repeats his question one more time before kicking your stomach again, "Who are you?". He's been asking the same thing for the past... month? Time gets blurry when you're kidnapped. Fuck, undercover work sucked no matter who you did it for. Whether it was your actual boss or the big bad bat himself, they should all make it up for making you endure this--make it up by dying, you thought. God, whose stupid idea was it again? Letting yourself be kidnapped by the Joker so they could track his lair and see if he had any connections to your current case, ah yes... your boss. Not even Batman would ask you to do that, at least the man had some moral code he hung onto, maybe a little too tight. You've earned an early retirement after this assignment, almost two years living in Gotham, out of everywhere. But what neither you or your boss expected was that he'd know your "secret identity" was fake, that he would torture and kill the agents who worked with you and pretended to be your family--or that they'd sell you out. You whisper, they were not even words just an unintelligible sound. He lowers down, putting his ear close to your mouth to be able to listen better and asks you to repeat yourself. You bite him, as hard as you can and draw blood, lots of it which you spit out with a smirk.

"Fuck you" You taunt and he just laughs, holding his wounded ear. The laughing is excessive, it reverberates around the entire room and you brace for the next impact. But it never comes.

"I think it's time you met a friend we have in common" His smile makes dread set in on you, who? By his standards it could be anyone, from someone you actually knew to someone you've never met but was there to pick up on his dirty work as he went to do other things. He pushes you with his feet until you lay on your stomach and begins to cover your hands, you count the layers. First some kind of cloth, then plastic wrap, then aluminum foil, then a bag to hold it all together. Right, you let everyone believe your healing abilities could only work with your hands.

He drags you up, grabbing one of your arms as he walked you to a different room. The side of his head still bled, and you watched the blood fall down and how it got no reaction from him. He must be used to pain or there must be something wrong with his pain nerves. Maybe not enough to be CIPA* because you have seen him wince and experience pain before. Your feet fail you, you can barely take steps due to how weak you are. Every bite of food you've been forced to take ended up being spat or thrown up moments later. You can feel how chapped your lips are, how tangled your hair is, how deep the bags under your eyes must be, the way your arms hurt from being tied behind your back for too long, how much you must look like shit. He opens a door to a mostly dark room, you can only make out a figure sitting on a chair under the singular light in the entire room. He--yeah, it's a guy definitely, you think--he's got his head low, his posture isn't close to being okay and upon further inspection you realize he's tied to the chair. He's pushing to walk in his direction, and you recognize that hair, even though less dirty, and that side profile way less hurt. You knew that person, you knew him maybe a little too much for your mission.

Jason Todd was once your friend, possibly the only friend your age you've ever had. You met him when he was Robin, being instructed that working with Batman may end up being beneficial at the end of the line you were told not to antagonize him. Even helped him every once in a while to get at least his respect. The first time you ever talked to Jason-- or rather Robin at the time, was when he sprained an ankle one night. You were there, trying to gain info on an illegal arms shipment that was arriving that night "We just have to know who bought it" they told you. You weren't there to stop them, you barely were allowed to actually stop bad things from happening and sometimes you envied that in them. They were their own person, they could have lives, make their own decisions, have agency of their own. Instead you, poor you, you had nothing but your work, no family you knew of, no goals of your own, nowhere to go if you wanted to quit. You healed him, at least that you could do. Maybe word would get out of a new vigilante with "unspecified healing abilities", they didn't have to know you actually manipulated time and just turned time back to a moment they weren't hurt. And from that moment on, unknown to you, he had a crush on you.

He started following you around. It's not stalking he'd justify it, he was just investigating. Making sure whose side you were on because after all you were on the harbor the day he stopped some local gangs from getting their hands on bigger guns. But he found no more than your cover story, neither he or Batman could leave a secret identity be secret. He believed your cover story, no one had any reason to question it. You were just Marianne, a simple girl. A simple girl with superpowers who healed his ankle. Later, when you became closer, sitting next to each other on the rooftop of a building looking down on the city lights, and the traffic that still moved late at night, you explained to him that your powers came from a freak accident in a lab when you were a kid. That much was true, most of the things you told him were true. At the time you felt he was someone who understood you, and he felt the same. And that's how the both of you started developing feelings for each other. It was more than just a crush and the need to have the other closer kept getting stronger. You kept reminding yourself that you couldn't, that you were being so unfair to him, keeping him in the dark about who you really were, if he knew the truth he would never have trusted you. So when you were told he died, how Batman was so sure of it, you regretted everything. You were so decided on telling him the night he disappeared, why didn't you do it before? You've been living with that ever since, the regret, the guilt. And it only got worse when you found out he was dead, knowing he died not knowing your real name, he died believing your lies.

"No," you try to stop, not to get closer to his corpse. "what kind of trick is this?"

"Ah, come on- he's still your friend, isn't he?" You struggle, not letting him move you and putting your entire body weight into it, every strain of energy you had in trying to stop it. How sick is he? He kept his body all this time. Tears fell on your face just thinking about it. How much he suffered, how violent his last moments were, how he didn't get justice or a proper burial.

"You can't even respect the dead," You cry "I'm gonna rip your heart out of your chest with my bare hands, do you hear me? I'll make your death so violent even Batman will feel sick"

Your threats started falling out of your mouth faster than the logic in your brain could work, you shouldn't be saying those things. You couldn't be making empty promises like that, you knew you couldn't kill him. You would never be allowed to do it. He laughed, and laughed and pushed you to fall on your back right at the feet of your dead friend. You looked up, just a peak to see his face one last time but he didn't look decomposed, in fact he even had fresh blood on his face. You also saw his chest moving up and down very slowly, was he sleeping?

"Ah, how sweet of you" The man awes, pretending to be flustered by her death threats "but I didn't kill him"

He steps closer and slaps Jason's face, yelling "Wakey, wakey! You have a visit!"

You watch in shock at how he his eyes open so fast, how his head shoot up and the fear in his expression starts to settle in. He wore an orange jumpsuit, as if he was just an inmate more, his cheeks were stained with tears, there was dry blood on one of his nostrils and his lower lip had a cut. Not to mention the "J" scar on his face too.

"What did you do to him?" You ask, sitting up from where you were.

"We were just having fun together, right Jason?" He grabs his head from behind him to make him shake it, saying yes. "and you and I can have just as much fun, soon as you start telling the truth"

"Ma-Marianne?" His voice is rough and low, it was the first time you heard him scared.

"Yes," You crawl closer to him, and look up at him before resting your forehead in one of his legs to hide your face as you started to weep inconsolably "I'm so sorry, they said you were dead, that-"

There is a deadly silence filling the room , where you can only hear your ugly sobs. Jason doesn't respond and you didn't expect him to, but at least they let you cry in peace. Taking in the fact that he'd been alive all this time, thinking about what he's been put through as you mourned like an idiot when you should've kept looking for him. How you abandoned him, how everyone abandoned him. And that made you feel even worse than your initial thought of Joker not letting him rest after he died, because in that case there was nothing you could've done but now... You felt his leg move lightly and you looked up, maybe you were making him uncomfortable and this was his way of saying it. He mouthed a little "I love you" when he knew your captor wouldn't see it. Just then as you gave him a small nod and mouthed "I love you too" you saw he was crying too. Soon his tears fell on you, and he moved his shoulder and turned his head to wipe them off as he sniffed.

"Aww, isn't it romantic, Mr J?" Harley's voice sounds from behind you but you couldn't bring yourself to look away from him. You were getting out there tonight, fuck your cover, fuck your job, he was the only thing that mattered right now.

"Young love," He sighs, dreamy, as if he knew what he was talking about. Like he knew what love felt like at all in any way, shape or form. "We'll have a little menage a trois, It'll be fun dont cha' think?"

And soon enough you felt Harley's arms holding you down as he put a rag over your face and proceeded to throw water. Jason screamed, asking them to stop, that you had nothing to do with them. You coughed when they stopped, at least maybe your face was clean and free of the blood you bit from him earlier. You could handle getting waterboarded, you've been trained to endure all sorts of torture methods. What you couldn't handle was hearing and seeing him like that.

"Now, your little girlfriend hasn't been entirely honest with you"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I've already told you who I am" You insist, this time actually desperate.

"Ah- and who are these two then? Liars?" He shows him, not you, a picture of your fake parents dead. Then he shows it to you, of course Jason thought they were your parents, you gave him no reason to believe otherwise. "Cause you see, I thought you were just another annoying kid, getting in the way of my game with the bat- but you're much more than, you're too good"

Silence, you were trained better than this. They put the cloth on your face again, trying once more to get the truth out of you.

"Hey, maybe he knows" He switches up quickly, and takes a piece of broken wood to hold it over Jason "Come on tell me, who's her? And why is your old man protecting her?"

"Her name's Marianne, and he's protecting her because she's my friend"

"Ah-" He imitates a buzzer noise, like he was in some game show "Wrong answer" He hit him.

"Stop it!" You yell, as he repeatedly hit him. You struggle trying to break free from the woman holding you. Until you managed to hit her with my head somehow. You feel the pain in your scalp from her teeth hitting you too.

"This is useless mista' J," Harley spoke, doubt filled her voice. Maybe you were telling the truth, maybe you were just who you said you were and he was too lost to see it. "the girl's been saying the same for months, and her parents weren't even that convincing when they said they weren't her folks"

You watch them leave, him being visibly angry at her for questioning him. Only for him to come back moments later, almost bolting to Jason saying "I have a show to run outside, could you two behave and wait for me here?" Like you had much of a choice, then he said "And hold this for me, boy" before stabbing him. Of course he couldn't stop by without leaving him with an open wound of any sort. You rushed to him before the door was even closed, you removed the knife from the wound with your mouth, your hands still tied behind your back and wrapped up in multiple different layers in a failed attempt to stop you from using your power. Your eyes lit up as you healed him, his pained grunts eventually coming to a stop.

"I bet I look like shit right now" You joke, resting your cheek on his thigh once more. T rying to hide the fact that, despite the situation you were in, you were still a bit embarrassed that he saw you like that.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life" He confesses, not a single strain of joke or sarcasm in his statement and it makes you blush before you move to the back of his chair to untie him.

"You only say that because you want me to free you" You say before grabbing the rope with your teeth, taking longer to undo the knots than it would with your hands on your back and not being able to see what you were doing. If only they didn't think your powers worked from your hands.

"His ear, you did it?" He asked, getting a muffled sound of confirmation from you. "That's my girl"

The scoff in which he said it made you blush again, your cheeks were heating up tonight. He knew if anyone was ever getting him out it would be you, not Batman. His mentor probably started to look for a replacement as soon as he went off the grid. He knew you would never betray him, that's the only thing the Joker couldn't torture or manipulate out of him, the one thing he could hold on to. His kidnapper was wrong, he was never Batman's or his. He's always been yours, probably since you healed his ankle. The ropes around his arms loosen until he's free again, his muscles were sore but soon the adrenaline would kick in and rid him from all pain. He frees his legs in a hurry as you stand up in front of him, he stands up too again. The stretch felt good, moving on his own felt good, and seeing you again felt even better. You turned around, it was his turn to get rid of the ropes now. He grabbed the knife that you couldn't use and cut through your bindings. Still he couldn't help but think about the worried look on your face, what are you thinking about? How to get out? Him? Whatever it was, he took a moment and the second you turned to face him again he wrapped you in a hug. Feeling your warm body against him for the time in so long, you return the affection hugging him just as tightly. He feels relieved, finally a gentle hand lays on him, a hand that he knew could never hurt him.

"Jay, I-" You hesitate, hiding your face in his chest while trying to hide and get the courage to tell him at the same time "I have to tell you something"

"Can it wait until we get out?" You shake your head no, he had to know so you could break out from there. I mean, it was kinda hard to break out of Arkham without help.

"No, uhm, we need to call for help" You start "There's a chip on me, I need you to cut me and take it out"

"What? Help from who?"

"My agency" You admit in a whisper, and just as fast as you got him back you feel how you're loosing him a second time. He lets go of you, and you can feel the distance he's putting between you two more than any torture Joker put you through.

"Where is it?" He asks, his tone cold and detached. You try to hide how hurt you were, you should've expected it he had every reason to be mad.

"Here" You lift your shirt up and point to the place where the tracker was, on your lower stomach right above your hips, on your left side.

He nods, and you lay down on the floor so he can get to work. He touches you, only to get a feel of where it was and you try not to think that this will probably be the last time you feel him so close as you put your arm over your mouth to stop any noise that may come out of you. He cuts your skin, and you bite your arm and hope it's quick. With the end of the knife he swiftly pulls it out in between all the blood coming out of you. You tell him to step on it so it gets destroyed and sends the message, as you heal yourself. He wasn't even watching you, his eyes were fixed on the door processing yet another betrayal.

"Jay, I wanted to tell you-" You try to explain but he cut you off shooting a serious glare at you.

"I don't care," He was cold, his voice severe and it even scared you "get me the fuck out of here and we'll talk"

You nodded on the verge of tears, then deciding that holding on to the hope than when you two were somewhere safer he'd be open to have a conversation was your safer bet to maintain some sanity. Maybe then he'd listen to your apologies. At this point you weren't hoping for absolution but a truce would suffice. Why did you have to go and fuck it up? Why did you have to go and fall for him? You knew who you were, a spy trained for most of the life you remembered who worked undercover in Gotham, you knew you were not supposed to have any ties or emotional connections. You cursed at whoever gave you feelings and made you human, instead of whoever turned you into a machine.

"We should get moving, get to the extraction point"

He just nodded, it was short and formal, so unlike what you were used from him. He followed behind you as you carefully opened the door. There were no guards outside, so you moved. Soon an alarm started to blare through the rotten and worn down asylum wing, that's why the hallway was so empty. Two inmates run past both of you, pushing you to a wall in the process. You reach to grab Jason's wrist to make sure he's behind you but stop halfway through. Probably being touched by you was the last thing he wanted. So you just walk, decidedly pushing through this situation you were in. Armed with nothing but your fists you take out a man twice your size, you easily dodge his punches and swiftly move around him to hit him in key points that he leaves open. Jason watches, and realizes as you jump to the man's shoulders and snap his neck that you had been holding back all this time. He understands you have been capable of using lethal force but chose not to, though he doesn't know the reason for that. Was it because of Batman? Was it because you were ordered not to? He pushes down the thought, as he should be more focused on the guy he was fighting instead of you. You keep moving, going up to were a helicopter would be waiting for you. What you didn't expect was the Joker's backup plan, Death-stroke, pointing a gun right at your head. Shit, you didn't even tell him about your powers yet, he was going to be even more pissed if you didn't find another way out of this soon.

"Out of my way kid" He tells you "I'm only getting paid for not letting him leave alive, but I don't mind wasting a bullet"

"Oh, fuck off" you sigh tired, you just wanted to get out of there. You were exhausted, you wanted a shower and to sleep on a real bed and if it wasn't too much to ask maybe see the light of the sun. So you froze him, time stopped for the man in front of you. "move, it won't last long"

Jason wants to ask, he's itching to know. How did you do it? How did healing people translate into what you just did? He had so many questions for you, about you. Every time a new question came into his head he felt even more offended, he thought he knew you so well and turns out you'd made him out to be an idiot. He feels like an idiot and for that he's even angrier at you for lying, for keeping things from him when he had been so vulnerable to you. That you knew everything about him yet he knew barely anything about you and even what he knew he doubted it was even real at all. But out sheer stubbornness he wasn't going to ask, he'd rather take the curiosity to his grave.

The loud noise of a helicopter becomes more clear as you head up, and then you recognize the all black uniform and standard weapon of your agency. Confusion painted your face, why would they send backup instead of it just being an extraction team. Usually they didn't have a care in the word if you got out in time or not, even going as far as leaving you behind once. They weren't usually this helpful, or willing to use resources on a simple rescue mission. The help didn't last long since you heard the gun shot coming from where you came from. Shit, it wore off you better leave quickly. You tell him to run, to keep up the pace and he does, promising himself this was the last time he would trust you. It was all fine and well, you could see the escape route clearly you almost made it when you heard it. Jason held the bleeding wound from the bullet, stumbling until you helped him. You stole a gun from a passing agent, they wouldn't notice since it was just their back-up, and shot at the mercenary. Your aim was just a little off, since you were also holding a person with your other arm but you managed to hit his arm. The bullet just grazed him, your friend didn't have the same luck. You shot again, just to create some cover so you could move. It worked, you made it to the helicopter before he passed out from the blood loss. Sadly you couldn't heal him since the bullet was still there, so in tears as you took off you managed to stop his bleeding until you got help.

Of course your supervisor wasn't happy about you escaping earlier than expected or that you bought him along. But after some promises and insisting, they agreed not to let him die and took him to the closest headquarters. You knew the conditions they put on you were harsh but you thought nothing was worth more than his life, so you agreed. Even if it mean never seeing him again, why did it matter anyways? It's not like he wanted much to do with you after today.

A/N: Like I said on the notes on ao3, I'm sensitive and this is my first time posting what I write in a LONG time so have patience with me lol.

#bro I need to work on a better summary #w: jason #Ak!jason todd x reader #Jason todd x reader #reader insert #Ak!Jason todd x reader angst #jason todd angst #I'll add more tags later

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utilitycaster · 1 year

Text

Weirdly specific and overly long Critical Role Ask Meme

The annual Thanksgiving Hell Drive tradition that matters only to me!

Character you don't particularly like, but will defend vehemently when people dislike them for the wrong reasons.

Favorite unhinged shopkeeper.

Minor character people in the fandom are obsessed with that makes you go "them? why?"

Minor character you are (correctly) obsessed with.

Meta you would write if you did not fear people would be SUPER weird about it. This is also an invitation to write that meta and block the haters.

NPC you would most like to see as the subject of a Tales of Exandria series.

Alternate outcome in a main campaign that you don't necessarily wish happened, but that you wish you could see played out in an alternate universe before returning to ours.

You may personally require that Liam O'Brien plays a non-core four (ie, not a Rogue, Wizard, Cleric, or Fighter) character for at least 10 episodes - he cannot in any way be one of those classes, even as a multiclass. If you like Orym, assume this has no impact on him. What class or multiclass do you have him play?

Location in Exandria you'd like to see in a possibly canonical one-shot/EXU but with non-main campaign characters (as in Song of the Lorelei/The Darrington Brigade)

Favorite and least favorite Matt Mercer Original Subclass.

A common stance within the fandom you would most like to eliminate on the specific grounds of hypocrisy/self-contradiction.

Best ship of the literal seafaring vessel or skyship variety.

Favorite D&D PC (guests & EXU included but must be a PC) of [class provided by the asker]? Note that as of posting there is only one option each for artificer (Tary) and ranger (Vex), so don't ask those.

Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object.

Favorite one-on-one conversation (can be between two PCs, or a PC and NPC).

Favorite group (all/most of the party) conversation.

You know that post that's like "I wish you could filter in ao3 on 'attitude towards a canon event'?" In the world of imagination, you can! What's the event or attitude?

Share one unpopular opinion but it must specifically only pertain to Sam's ads.

You can swap one subclass (not class) for any one main campaign main cast PC. Which character, and what's their new subclass?

What non-D&D TTRPG would you most like to see Critical Role run a one shot in?

You can eliminate one ship that did not become a canon, reciprocated relationship from the fandom's consciousness. It is entirely gone - no fics, no posts, no doctored out of context gifsets inexplicably claiming that Travis ships it, no anon hate, no drama. Your blocked tags list becomes several entries shorter. A weight is lifted from your shoulders, and you take the deepest breath you've taken in a long time. Anyway, now that you're feeling relaxed and inspired, what do you think Bertrand Bell's fighter subclass was?

Assume that every single non-multiclassed wizard PC OR significant wizard NPC (includes EXU Calamity) are in a battle royale, and all are level 16. Who would you bet on as the winner?

You can guarantee that Vax lives at the end of Campaign 1. However, you must trade his permadeath for the permadeath of a different PC who was dead for more than a minute. Your options are Percy dying permanently in 1x68; Scanlan dying permanently in 1x83; or Laudna dying permanently in 3x34. Do you choose to do so, why, and whose death do you trade?

You can guarantee that one Evergreen Question you write is pulled on 4-Sided Dive AND that the four cast members you most want to answer it are on that month. What's the question, and which cast members answer it?

What class do you most want to see Matt play if he is in a future EXU campaign as a new (not Dariax) PC?

You must swap one nat 1 die roll with one nat 20 die roll. They must both be from the main campaigns, but can be cross-campaign. Which are they, and why?

Pick one character, ship, or party; and one song you associate most with them, and explain why. This song cannot be on an existing playlist from the main cast. It also cannot be We Have it All by the Pim Stones nor Dust Bowl Dance by Mumford & Sons; I love those AMVs but please think for yourself.

Think back to all weird or bad opinions (pertaining to Critical Role) you've seen but which were not elaborated upon. You get to make one, and only one, person have to provide an honest response about what the fuck they were thinking. Which opinion do you receive the honest explanation for?

You can give any PC a Staff of Birdcalls. Who do you give it to?

What is your favorite theory or headcanon that has absolutely no bearing on the plot and isn't important at all, but which is completely compliant with canon?

A really weird fey entity grants you the following boon: you can magically make it so that whenever people try to draw Imogen with glasses, the glasses magically disappear. All you need to do is hit the DC. The DC begins at 15, it is a simple d20 die roll with no modifiers/additions, and you can reduce it by one for every month you live with canon, pre-episode 2x26 Mollymauk Tealeaf. You do have your own room, but the walls are thin. After 15 months you automatically succeed and Molly disappears as though he had never existed. How many months do you live with Molly?

If the CR main cast were to play the original 7 tombtakers per The Nine Eyes of Lucien (Brevyn, Cree, Jurrell, Lucien, Otis, Tyffial, and Zoren) in a one shot, who should play whom? Assume Matt DMs, but you do not need to have Taliesin play Lucien.

You may ask any member of the cast one, and only one lore clarification question. What do you ask?

You meet an old woman in the grocery store and help her with her bags. In return, she tells you she can guarantee that Campaign 3 will be fantastic, and that there will be a Campaign 4 set in Issylra that is also fantastic. However, she warns you, the price is that Marisha and Laura's characters will never be in a romance together, nor will Taliesin and Liam's, though there will be significant queer romances aplenty, both F/F and M/M, in said campaigns. Do you take her up on her offer?

You can set the time and place of the next EXU series, but it cannot be within 100 years of the Calamity nor Divergence. When and where do you set it?

Every cast member must create a main campaign character loosely based off a character they played in a one-shot not set in Exandria, a la Chetney from Chutney (as a result, Travis is excused from this exercise). Who should they choose? (Please note that Bar Room Blitz is set in Exandria. You cannot pick Jayne and you're boring for thinking it.)

You have to take a 16 hour road trip with one NPC from each campaign (all at once, ie, three other people). The NPCs cannot shorten the road trip in any way and the road trip must be via driving but you can do it in two 8 hour days and share a motel room if you'd like. Who do you pick?

Assuming that your rent and basic living expenses are paid regardless, nothing cataclysmic happens while you're there, and your race and class are perceived as completely average and nothing to comment on, which city in Exandria would you most like to live in for a year? You must spend the vast majority of your time there.

Favorite parental figure NPC?

What named but as of yet unseen character do you most want to see onscreen?

#critical role #ask meme

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matan4il · 22 days

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ok first of all congrats on step 1 of your ship but second of all as someone who has never watched but wants to catch up with no time to watch seven seasons: best meta to read first? when exactly do both characters start appearing on the show? If it’s later than s1 I may be able to watch enough of it. But yea most importantly where to start with meta for the ship and has anyone done a primer for the ship I could read? No rush and sorry if this is too much work for you!

Hi Nonnie!

Thank you so much for the congrats! XD It's a delight to have been screaming, "Buck is bisexual!" since ep 107 and get to 704, and get it confirmed as canon. ^u^

Well, I guess the good news for you is that Eddie doesn't appear in s1, so if you're less interested in seeing the shown when it was only featuring Buck out of the ship, then go ahead and skip that. I do think it matters to see that season, to better understand Buck's journey, and also why Eddie was such an important and positive person in his life once they became friends (plus s1 is just 10 eps), but if you're more inclined to skipping, Eddie shows up in 201.

As for meta, I didn't sit down to write anything until the end of both s2 and the first half of s3, by which point I felt like I would explode if I didn't. So, that meta was more summarized than my weekly Buddie meta posts I started doing starting in the second part of s3. And you can probably just... skim through that first round of Buddie meta (it looks like it has a lot of parts, but some are quite short) and my other buddie meta posts (which you can find through my pinned post) to get a good idea of the Buddie r/s overall.

Honestly, the big moments that really cemented things, are the beginning of Buddie, in the first few eps of s2, ep 210 which gives us our first glimpse of Buck and Eddie being co-parents to Chris, 218 where you see how much they've come to mean to each other already, the start of s3, 309 and THE kitchen scene (don't ask, but it will be THE kitchen scene for you as well, once you've watched it), the end of s4 and the shooting storyline, s5's best Buddie moments were IMO in 504, 506, 513 and 514, s6 was a bit of a mess, but eps 610 to 612 or so are probably the vital ones. So if you're interested, you can check out the weekly meta posts for those specific eps.

I hope this helps, and that you enjoy Buddie a lot! xoxox

#ask #anon ask #buddie #buddie meta #911 #9-1-1 #911 show #911 meta #911meta #911 on abc #911onabc #911 abc #911abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #edmundo diaz #buck x eddie #i really do hope this helps

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vidavalor · 8 months

Note

hey I just came upon your meta about crowley's oh moment after talking to nina and I'm intrigued but don't quite understand. I always thought it was about realizing he's in love because he literally mouths 'love' to himself. so could you expand a little? like what scenes do you think wouldn't make sense if he wasn't aware it was love he was feeling? thanks :)

hi! :) thanks for the ask. hope you're having a great day so far today!

to me, the "oh"-looking moments in the series-- 1941's books moment for aziraphale and this scene with crowley & nina that we're talking about-- aren't "oh... i'm in love with him"... they're "oh... *he's* in love with *me*..."

this matters b/c crowley & aziraphale have always had reasons to try to pretend that what they felt wasn't love and they've been pretending for a long time. they mainly do because they are afraid of losing one another or getting one another hurt. but they also have a lot of conflict around whether one another is capable of loving them. crowley knows that aziraphale is an angel so he's a being of love and loves all god's creations, right, but that's very different from loving someone romantically and even if aziraphale can do that... could he love a demon? a literal fallen angel? meanwhile, aziraphale has proof for days that crowley isn't evil but he's a demon so, by nature, can't really totally be *good* and what would it say about him (aziraphale) if he, an angel, was in love with a demon-- a being that is literally the opposite of what angels are supposed to be? this is all while not even yet getting into the idea that angels and demons alike have been socialized to believe that they are above humans and different from them when it comes to things they consider pedestrian and human-- love, sex, sleeping... food is the one that is used as an example the most in the series. The show subtly suggests that while angels and demons are different in the sense that they're magic-- that they don't expressly need to breathe, sleep, eat, etc.. to stay alive-- that they do *need* these things the way that humans do. (I want to emphasize here that I mean "the way humans do" in the sense that not all humans needs sex or need a romantic relationship. They do need to sleep and eat but mah point is dolphins mah point is lol that there is plenty of room here for asexual and/or aromantic interpretations of Crowley & Aziraphale if that's the way you want to go. I, personally, don't see it but I can see where there is room for it. The canon/Gaiman has angels and demons as asexual but it's asexual unless they wish to make an Effort-- which is to say that there are those who do. Crowley & Aziraphale strike me as those who do wish to but that's my opinion and my interpretation of the show, which comes from a lot of the parallels and symbolism they've set up.)

so then ok say they both want to do as the humans do and the things they feel are things they identify as being like what humans feel... they're still pushing up against conflicts here to being together. it's too dangerous, for once. they could get each other hurt. they're each other's only friends so what if it all goes wrong? one of them could end up alone. are they each other's type? these idiots are honestly worried about that lol. aziraphale is insecure about crowley's penchant for the beautiful-- lucifer, stars, gabriel-- and thinks for a long time that he doesn't catch crowley's eyes as much. (he's an idiot lol.) crowley can sense lust but he can't sense love and how could a pure of heart being like aziraphale ever really love a demon like him like that? befriend him, love him in that generalized angel way, sure. want him, ok, yeah. but be *in love* with him? crowley's never been totally sure. he thinks they are. he's almost sure aziraphale loves him but there's then yet another issue, which is will aziraphale *allow* himself to love him? because aziraphale's an angel and this would go against everything he is and crowley isn't sure that aziraphale would.

the scene with crowley and nina is off of nina seeing crowley and aziraphale together for the second time and it's really the first time there's been a human that crowley likes and respects who has been able to see them interact openly in public together... and what that human-- who is smart and observant-- thinks is that he and aziraphale are lovers. while crowley knows he's utterly besotted with the angel and has been for millennia and while he knows that, deep down, aziraphale is in love with him, the idea that aziraphale is now in a place of just acting like that in front of the humans, of not trying to hide what they are, of being more open about it... that's new. that's an 'oh' for crowley because now he's thinking, like...

...the human saw him speaking French at the restaurant and telling me about how he took the lessons the human way. Why is he insisting on speaking the language of love-- oh. He's... trying to woo me. Me. Aziraphale is trying to court me...

Notice how after the conversation with Nina, where Crowley wound back up? He got a table at the French restaurant and ordered a bottle of red and waited for Aziraphale to come back around from his meeting plans. This is a lovely place-- a place for romance. All the ivy and the roses and the little lights and the French menu and Crowley is heavily flirting. He knows the past tense of 'smite'-- this is an excuse to say 'smut' and 'smitten'. Aziraphale does love it (that look on his face when he says "smitten, I believe"-- he knows exactly what Crowley is up to and is into it)... but Aziraphale is distracted by the fact that he's trying to arrange this whole Jane Austen ball so he can dance with Crowley (and get Maggie & Nina to fall in love, yes, also that lol). He misses Crowley clueing in to what he's doing because he's too busy trying to do more of it.

Just as Aziraphale's "oh" in 1941 in the moment when Crowley saves his books is the realization that Crowley isn't just not evil, isn't just more good than he'll admit, isn't just his friend, but is in love with him-- is *capable* of being in love with him and *is*-- Crowley's "oh" in the moment with Nina is that Aziraphale-- pure of heart angel Aziraphale, just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing-- is in a place where he's capable now of letting himself be in love with Crowley. He always has been-- just like how Crowley always had been before 1941-- but now he's saying he wants the romance Crowley has been trying to give him, more overtly, since the 1800s. He hasn't yet said as much but he's steering towards it and when Nina said "other people's love lives always seem so much simpler than your own", Crowley realizes how she sees them and that she's *not wrong about it*-- he mouths "love", thinking like... "love"... he's really in love with me? Did I not notice because I'm just so... oh yeah, ok great apparently I'm so used to seeing Aziraphale being in love with me that I didn't notice he's decided he's *openly* in love with me now. We look like a couple to the humans and we were just acting like ourselves in public, for once. Nina looks at us and she doesn't know we're supernatural entities, sure, but maybe what she sees isn't too far off from the truth: two older gay guys, used to hiding and secrets, a little unused to being together openly but working on it, who are in love with each other. A couple. With a lot of chemistry, which only happens if *both* people are interested in one another. Aziraphale is trying to romance me. That's what the French and the wanting to drive the car and all of this is. If we can just get rid of this Gabriel mess, we can have more us time and pursue that and...

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illegiblewords · 4 months

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Serious talk about meta under the cut.

I don't know who might need to hear it, but fwiw mental flexibility is a huge part of analysis (and interacting with other humans lol). You need to be able to account for multiple possibilities when examining a work, or understanding a social exchange. You need to be able to separate what is objective fact from your own subjective interpretation and judgment. The most negative interpretation is not automatically the most worthwhile or true. Someone throwing accusations around in-line with their own worst interpretations does not guarantee those accusations are warranted. You are not a bad or stupid person for disagreeing. Shit needs to withstand scrutiny. I don't always strike the right balance myself. I do the best I can but I'm definitely not perfect. Tbh I'm not beyond pettiness either--although I try to keep that out of actual analysis lol. There have been times I've griped to friends privately or blogged about how I felt (sans tags, with spoiler blocks so people can opt out). I've griped recently. I'm bound to gripe again in the future. Some level of griping is inevitable imo and I figure no one is 100% immune.

All that said, even if someone’s take isn't canon AND even if it's something I really dislike--I'd personally rather people follow their passions anyway. Hands down. I could be in the middle of a rant and my answer would still be that the subject of my frustration gets to exist. I'm not the boss and odds are we're going with different versions in our own heads. Discouraging another fan from creating due to my preferences or narrative approach would horrify me. I've seen fandoms where gatekeeping like that killed the creative community and it was fucking awful.

Not everyone is confident in their own judgment. Not everyone faced with a pissed off person trying to use lore and accusations like clubs will feel okay continuing with their own vision. Elitism and manipulation (especially through rhetoric) can be present within analysis. People are not being taught how to recognize those things properly. Analysts aren't always aware or invested enough to even be careful. It’s legit easy to get caught up in ideas or feelings to the point of forgetting about other people’s, and adjusting to account for alternate approaches takes some work. For me at least, I think having a 'no insults' policy and being super careful when it comes to absolute claims (assertions not qualified by 'I think' or 'it could be argued') helps.

Anyway. Just because a person calls something ‘meaningless’ doesn't make it meaningless. Someone pooh-poohing an observation you made doesn't make your observation less true or important. Employing a literary term doesn't mean that individual actually understands the term, how it works, or how to apply it. Which is to say nothing of romantic chemistry or whatever. I encourage readers to extrapolate on this. ‘Shallow’ could apply as much as ‘meaningless’. Denying parallels exist by itself doesn’t actually negate those parallels. Your version of a character may not be the same as the fan next to you’s and that difference doesn't have to detract. There's more I could say on the subject (I've edited out a lot) but basically--just because another fan isn't into what you're doing doesn't automatically make what you're doing wrong, immoral, shoddy, or otherwise less.

Seriously, vet shit. Question the entire premise an analyst tries to establish then decide for yourself if it holds water. Turn over word choices and assertions in your head before deciding if they're appropriate. Do it to me too. I don't care if someone is the holy goddamn emperor of analysts. Just because a person says something is good or bad, true or false, whatever the hell doesn't make it so. Just because a person uses a technical term doesn't mean they're discussing it effectively. Quality of argument matters beyond the packaging it’s wrapped in. It's important to protect yourself from people whose priority is enforcing their own preferences, including dismissing things they aren't partial to.

I just don't want anyone shamed silent man. Not even people whose takes drive me up the fucking wall. Neither I nor any other analyst is an authority here. And there are people who are absolutely ready to take advantage of other people’s insecurities to assert themselves. Might not even be malicious, just indifferent.

For me, analysis feels kind of like uncovering a dinosaur skeleton. I want to share the cool and exciting things I find with other people. Sometimes I might be sorting out what my own thoughts and feelings are. It's also possible to examine why you're uncomfortable with something, or why you love something another person hates, while making very clear what is YOUR READING and not THE READING. Offering a variety of possibilities is very different from presenting yourself as the only correct one. One note at the end when everything else was insulting and intolerant is like a band-aid over a wound.

EDIT: As a last point, that I'm throwing in just-in-case. If anyone reading this thinks they may have overreached and done stuff I've mentioned + feels shitty about it… that's still not the end of the world. It’s okay. This is hard stuff to learn and I really don't think anyone's perfect at it. Worth the effort though. Just gotta take a deep breath, acknowledge you're a fallible human same as everyone else, and do the best you can going forward. Life goes on.

#saw one that horrified me a bit recently #involved a combination of overreaching + insults + purity culture #I can totally imagine buying in and being seriously fucked up by it when I was younger #I don’t want that happening to anyone else #it's okay to talk about NOTPs man but there are more and less responsible ways to do that

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suchawrathfullamb · 5 months

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Help me understand the situation if u don't mind , u said the fall was not romantic right I'm saying the same , he knew he couldn't go back because he was literally forced again in a situation where he couldn't have anyone other than Hannibal, I am queer myself so I don't know what heteronormativity u talking about. I saw the gallery scene after Ur post but weren't they talking about just killing each other , I always read an analysis from early 2015s that support my claim . All I see is Will forced in situations where he has no one left other than Hannibal. I am really trying to see that " dark romance " but all I see is one man's desperate attempt to stay sane . I mean Will married Molly , and was happy with her , bored maybe but happy(not my words I read a meta about it ) he didn't even visit Hannibal for 3 years u know, and after the dragon attack to his family his first instinct was to kill Hannibal , so I am struggling to see any reciprocation from his side.

Heteronormativity has nothing to do with being queer or not. If you don't know what that is, research it, I'm not obligated to educate you. But it is something that everyone who grew up on our society falls under, it's inevitable until you actually unlearn that behavior.

The gallery scene talking about killing each other? How on Earth is that interpreted this way? Saying you read a meta means nothing in terms of being canon or not, unless the creator of the show wrote it.

Will had "no other option"? Who obligated him to stalk Hannibal and his whole life history in Europe? Who obligated him to speak to Hannibal after 3 years? Who obligated him to execute a escape plan?

Will had plenty of options, but chose Hannibal instead.

It is canon he was far from happy with Molly, he states that when Hannibal suggests the Dragon was targeting his family and he cackles and says "of course not", after figuring out that the Dragon targets happy families. He also very much left them to die, as Hannibal stated himself. He had all the reasons to believe they could be in danger but chose to ignore and leave them unprotected. He doesn't say I love you back to his wife, and the show's direction made sure we saw zero affection from Will to her, to depict the distance he had.

You said we can't "water down" the relationship in your other ask, yet you yourself did it in this one by saying he's "just a man trying desperately to stay sane". How is it just that? How is he so desperate to stay sane yet keeps WILLINGLY choosing to go with Hannibal?

How do you interpret Will talking to himself through Abigail's "ghost"? "Still want to go with him?" "yes", "we were supposed to leave together", "god knows where I'd be without him"??

How is he staying sane by continuously avoiding to just end Hannibal the multiple times he had the chance? If this isn't about THEM but just about "a man desperate to stay sane", then why on Earth does he keep going after Hannibal, saving him, stalking his whole life, obsessing over him, going back to him no matter what? If it was "just a man trying desperately to stay sane" the show could've ended in Season 2 after Will and Jack trapped him. Why did he call Hannibal and saved him?

What does Will's sanity have to do with him wanting to run away with Hannibal?? *he stated that, just saying cause it seems you are forgetting scenes.

Anyway, you asked if the fandom would accept you not shipping them but seems like you're not accepting that we ship them and it's canon 🤷🏻‍♀️.

#ask the lamb #this is hilarious to me #baffled #hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hugh dancy #hannibal lecter #mads mikkelsen

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gamesception · 2 months

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Sception Reads Cass Cain #39

Batgirl (2000) #19 - October 2001 Writer: Kelley Puckett..........Pencils: Damion Scott Inks: Robert Campanella.....Colors: Jason Wright

Another memorable one shot story in what has become the definitive Cass Cain story mold. I don't think I'll have too much to say about this issue specifically. Those who were fans back in the day surely remember it, and if you're new to Cass's Batgirl run then as always for this early period it's a good book and I encourage you to go out and read the issue for yourself, especially since work has been busy this week, so I don't really have time to go through this issue in detail.

Still, by way of brief recap, this is the one where Cass is patrolling extra hard, determined that literally nobody in Gotham should die that night, when she's distracted by a news broadcast:

Wait, whatever state Gotham is in has the death penalty? Then why do all the super criminals never yadda yadda cinema sins ding sound.

The guy himself is super stoic about it. No sign of repentance or reflection or regret, but he's clearly accepted what's about to happen and determined to face it with some degree of dignity.

But then cast abducts him mid-execution

Only to be stopped by the mother of the woman he killed. I know I'm rushing through this summary, but just, the faces in these panels are so good. Cass's pleading and heartbreak, the woman's implacable stone-faced determination in the face of this demon-looking vigilante, the way the murderer, shocked out of his stoicism, can't bring himself to face this woman. Also just thematically, the metaphor here for Cass's own internal struggle with guilt, that no matter how much she's changed, no matter how much good she does as Batgirl, the man she killed, someone's son, maybe someone's father, is still dead, and she can never change that. It's extremely blunt and on the nose, but it works.

So anyway, back the murderer goes, only now that his stoic shell has broken he can no longer face his end with peaceful dignity. All Cass managed to achieve was to make his death more horrific.

And of course we find out that the reason Cass was so determined that nobody should die is that this was the anniversary of the murder she committed. Which of course is a very Bruce-like sort of sentimentality.

....

We've seen this sort of stand alone episodic one shot from Cass several times now. As much as I like the more serialized stuff playing with her various relationships to Bruce, Babs, the rest of the Bat family, or her dad, or her mom (as of yet unconfirmed by canon), these sorts of one shots really do seem to be the stories og Cass worked best in, the stories she was designed for even. While we've talked about this before, here a short bullet-point review of what defines a classic 'Cass Cain story' from her early Batgirl period

Stand alone story. One issue of the comic, one complete story. It might presume familiarity with Cass's character and background, but they're generally meant to be satisfying even if this is your first introduction to Cass.

Human focus. Cass's stories are concerned not with aliens and demigods and magic and science so fictional it might as well be magic and other larger-than-life comic book tropes, rather they're focused on relatable human characters, regular people trying to survive in a dispassionate world.

Somber tone. Cass's stories aren't upbeat action adventures where good triumphs over evil. The overall tone isn't fun, it's sorrow, grief, isolation, where light and hope are all the more precious for how rare and fragile they are.

'Street level' antagonists / no costumed criminals. This is arguably necessary to maintain the above focus and tone, but no super villains whose bombastic gimmicks and personalities would distract from the humanity of the everyday people around them. Even in the rare case when an enemy has super powers - "Meta" in issue 3, Kenny in issue 10, the cybernetic assassin in issue 18 - they're still dressed in more or less normal clothes and treated as regular people, not comic book super villains. And even then they're the minority of antagonists, usually Cass is fighting regular street thugs and mob guys, even though she's arguably the most explicitly superpowered member of the bat family, which in turn minimizes the length and importance of action scenes so the story can focus on human drama and personal themes.

Heavy thematic resonance. Cass as a character is about family - the family we're born to, or that we choose, and about the tension that results when a family member genuinely loves you and yet is still terrible for you or to you. And she's a character about doing the right thing even when it's hard, even when it doesn't seem to make anything better. And she's a character about guilt, about what it does to you, about how it can motivate you to do better while still hollowing you out inside, about how penance alone without the catharsis of absolution is a bottomless pit that will never be filled no matter how many acts of contrition you pour into it. These themes are the core of Cass's character, and her most iconic stories all relate back to one or more of these core theme in some way. "My dad's bad, isn't he" "Maybe he did [change], but my daughter is still dead"

Not every issue of Cass's book has fit into this description, but when she's not caught up in some crossover story or going through some significant shift to her status quo, these are the sorts of stories she's engaging with on a regular basis. Again, these are arguably the stories she works best in.

I've made no secret of the fact that, while I like modern Cass and I'm glad she exists, she doesn't really hit the same to me as Cass classic. And yeah, a big part of that is that her history and relationships just aren't the same. She doesn't have the same fraught relationship with her father, there are no parallels between David and Bruce, Bruce isn't particularly central to how she became a hero - he wasn't even Batman at the time. She didn't become a hero by stepping into a legacy role Babs had left behind, so there wasn't this close generational connection between her and Babs, or even any particular relationship between them at all until a good deal later.

She still felt guilty over killing someone, but it was something she was forced to do under threat, not something she willingly did only to suddenly regret it in the aftermath, so the guilt seems a lot more misplaced. Also everyone knew about it from pretty early on and forgives her for it, there isn't the same period of her actively hiding it sure that everyone would reject her if they found out like we talked about last time.

So yeah, so, so much of her history and relationships are completely different, but something I maybe haven't focused on enough is that her stories are different.

From the moment modern Cass is introduced she's tied up in global conspiracies, the league of assassins, people turning into monsters. She's on teams with super-powered allies fighting costumed super-criminals in serialized stories that take years to play out to any meaningful resolution. The concise, street-level stories focused on the individual humanity of the people involved and on connecting her stories to her history by thematic links... I haven't read all of modern Cassandra's appearances, but I've read enough of them to say that these kinds of stories either simply aren't present or are overwhelmingly in the minority.

Even in the 'Batgirls' title that sadly ended last year, with Cass, Steph, and Babs are working and living together, theoretically my all time dream book. But their interpersonal relationships are rarely the focus and their adventures are mostly fighting various larger than life costumed criminals. It was a fun book, sure, but even in itself that's a break from OG Cass's deliberately somber tone.

So I guess if there was one thing I'd like to see from modern Cass, apart from some sort of retcon restoring the OG David Cain with his difficult and layered relationship to Cass, it would be a return of the archetypical Cass story, because these are the stories that best highlight Cass's best qualities - her empathy, her compassion, her inner conflicts.

#cassandra cain #batgirl #sception reads cassandra cain

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zabiume · 2 months

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Hi my car broke down today, and I am so stressed. If I may request an orihime ramble of your choosing that would be so dope. I always tend to enjoy them no matter the context.

(Ofc you are not obligated to, make sure to take care of yourself as well 🧡)

oh no! i'm so sorry about your car, that sounds annoying :( i hope things get better soon! 💖

i'm not sure if you meant fanfic or just some meta in general when you said ramble, but i did decide to pull out one of my orihime deep cuts for you, namely: the little background details about orihime's living situation.

now, if you recall, orihime lives alone at apartment #202, as noted in this little sketch at the end of chapter 5:

after sora's attack, it's implied that orihime gets evicted from her apartment and ends up staying at a hotel, which is something we learn in this HILARIOUS scene in chapter #24

think about that for a second. while all this craziness is going on around karakura town, orihime is staying at a HOTEL. tatsuki (bless her heart) offers to let orihime crash at hers, but orihime insists on walking back to the hotel, which, in my head, is incredibly funny for some reason. what did the receptionist think about a 15-year-old girl staying in a room all by herself? was orihime doing HOMEWORK in some seedy little room, valiantly ignoring the cockroaches scuttling around and the shady, definitely-not-legal business dealings happening in the next room? did orihime get evicted AGAIN after she came back from hueco mundo because rangiku and soul society had trashed her place? (spoiler alert: no. hitsugaya would definitely not let that happen, he is very principled, thank you very much)

a little aside here. this is definitely not the first time orihime has been away from home. she accidentally wandered into YOKOHAMA once, which i'm 90% sure is the next town over, if the bleach wiki trivia section can be trusted.

anyway, what did she do there? well. according to chapter 68, she ate sushi that a kind stranger bought her. moral of the story? orihime was just doing ANYTHING when she was unsupervised....but also?

proof that orihime can survive anywhere she goes because she's got the superb skill of making friends in less than 5 seconds. i truly hope she enjoyed her two days in yokohama, she deserves that soooo much. i hope she tells kazui stories about her wild youth adventures that make ichigo's teenage years look pale in comparison.

orihime, wistfully: i was a desperado in my early days, a vagabond

ichigo: you got lost in yokohama for two days and had to take the ferry back because you were chasing a dragonfly

anyway, if you're concerned about the stability of orihime's home life, i'm happy to inform you that according to chad and ichigo in chapter #440, she was last staying in apartment 403, which i'm confident is the empty unit kubo drew in that earlier sketch. maybe her landlord forgave her. maybe rukia helped wipe the landlord's memory with those little duck things.

of course, post-canon orihime seems to be settled in a nice apartment with her family now, but trust that she has never forgotten her roots. she got her education from the STREETS, our beloved blue-collar queen <3

#she's like that one tweet that goes 'bitches with no car are always in the most drama like how did you even get over there??'#also ichigo and chad running up FOUR flights of stairs is so funny to me. i would've just given up sorry orihime #anyway i hope your situation gets better soon <3 thank you for giving me a chance to ramble!#asks

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lazaruspiss · 8 months

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i enjoy a lot of your metas and i'm curious, what is your opinion on writers who aren't familiar with or care about canon?

it depends on if you're asking about fan content or actual DC writers. with fan content i do think its fine for people to engage with content however they want to. i don't really like content that contradicts established canon, but i do defend its right to exist in the first place. OOC fanfic doesn't usually* effect already existing canon.

adding a read more bc i started to rant a bit. TLDR: fan content creators can do whatever they want. separately, i really wish DC held itself to a higher standard. both as a company and in terms of the actual comics that they publish.

(*i say usually, because a lot of newer canon content has felt... off. like DC took a short shallow look at how fandom simplifies characters and decided that must be what people actually want to see/what will sell more product. never forget that DC is a corporation, not an actual person who cares about the artistic integrity of what they're producing. and many of the actual creators of the comics they sell are mistreated and beholden to exec decisions based off of. y'know. marketing.)

in canon comics. it sucks. Talia is the most prevalent example of a character who was rewritten by someone who refused to read or engage with any of her preexisting canon. but it comes up a lot that sometimes a character is used by or given to a writer who doesn't care or might just straight up hate the character they're supposed to be writing. I have characters that I don't like and don't really care to learn about, but if i decide that i want to write something with them involved i consider it a matter of personal integrity to at least try to understand the characters already established personality and background.

it doesn't matter when it's independent fan content, or even a published AU series, but for mainline comics it is important to account for the fact that most of these characters have been around for decades and you shouldn't, nor do you need to, just make shit up about them.

also! an idea that i try and maintain for any kind of story is that every character is somebody's favorite. i think i got that from someone talking about how every pokemon is some kids favorite, but i think it can be a useful framing for a lot of fictional content. especially with something as widely known as DC, the chances are that much higher that every character you see is going to be someone's favorite. and i want to be kind to that. like, i don't care about Punchline in the slightest. i'm still putting off this fic with her involved because i want to learn her character a bit first to at the bare minimum acknowledge that there are people who might love her. i don't want to explicitly contradict some major trait of hers just bc i don't like her.

again, i don't really care if fans don't go through the trouble. but it's upsetting when DC itself doesn't seem to require any understanding of their characters in what they publish. in older comics, even when i think certain comics are poorly written, i can still see when the writer cares about the character they're writing. but so much of the newer stuff just feels hollow to me. i dunno, i stopped reading any n52 stuff bc of it so maybe it'll improve and i just won't notice.

#asks #anon

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olderthannetfic · 8 months

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A hanfu isn't just a robe, though. It's a specific type of traditional outfit that has even more specific variations, and while you could describe it more specifically (e.g. she put on her red ruqun, with a pleated horse-face skirt), it isn't always relevant. I've never seen anyone bring this up for, say, kimonos, and I don't think the GOT comparison is fair, either. It'd be more like "he puts on his armour". What type of armour—lamellar, chainmail, heavy, leather? It doesn't always matter. 1/2

2/2. Putting down a category of traditional clothing as "meta terminology" also rather irritates me. Again, looking at kimonos. Perhaps it's unfamiliar because CN fashion isn't as widespread as JP, but it's literally just what the broad category of clothing is called, and within the context of danmei fandoms, it shouldn't be unfamiliar knowledge. Trying to Americanize everything by simply calling everything a 'robe' loses the point entirely and is the equivalent of really terrible translation. Sorry, one more thing. When I picture a "robe", I think of wizards. DND. Bathrobes. None of which bear any similarity to a hanfu, and unless you want to describe "a parted robe made of flowing Yun brocade with loose sleeves that wraps around the body, with a wide collar that has its right lapel crossed over its left, tied at the waist with a belt, with a jade pendant weighing down the long skirt" every single time it's brought up, I'm pretty sure "hanfu" is a more accurate descriptor by far.

Uh... anon...

'Robe' is an extremely vague term that absolutely is used for all sorts of garments from all over the world.

The fact that you associate it with a tiny fraction of its conventional meanings isn't going to change how other people use it.

I am indeed more familiar with kimono than hanfu, but I thought the other people did make explicit what their issue is, and it exists for Japan too.

Depending on when your canon is set (or its vague, handwave-y apparent time period for more fantasy canons), the word may not have been in use yet.

'Kimono' as a word is possibly as recent as the 19th Century, though I see one etymological dictionary saying 1630s. Prior to the 19thC, a lot of things we would now call 'kimono' were known as 'kosode'. The further back you go, the more other terms there are and the more the distinctions matter.

I'm personally a fan of fiction set in the Heian period, and they would absolutely not have been calling anything a "kimono" then, nor do the robes look like modern kimono.

Furthermore, a generic-ass word like 'wear on upper body'+'thing' doesn't get its modern interpretation until it has significant competition from Western clothing. Today, it has a relatively narrow range of interpretations based on the calcified form of traditional Japanese clothing that still hangs on.

It's an absurd affectation to insist on calling all ancient Japanese clothing 'kimono'.

That wouldn't be de-Americanizing your writing.

That would be "According to keikaku".

From what I've seen in other people's meta posts about Chinese fandoms, the reason people object to 'hanfu' in fic is that this word has gained a lot of popularity in very recent history as part of the hanfu revival movement.

While it existed before that, it wasn't used so consistently, and it mainly turned up in contexts talking about Chinese as opposed to foreign clothing. It doesn't seem to have been a general term used like "So-and-so put on his completely normal outfit to get ready for the day".

People are using it (outside of fic) to talk about a specific range of historically accurate Chinese clothing. It doesn't cover everything, and in the modern and highly gatekept usage, it specifically doesn't cover historically-inspired fantasy costumes like those on The Untamed.

If you're Chinese and you feel it should cover those, fair enough, but that isn't what a lot of the hanfu education blogs have been saying.

People aren't pulling this out of their asses out of a desire to be American. They're getting it from hanfu blogs asking them not to use the word like that.

If you think those blogs are wrong, please say that.

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starseneyes · 1 year

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Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 13

Daddy Cop AKA "Friends Don't Let Friends Murder Board… Alone"

After watching 5x13, I really didn't think I could write the Meta until I had 5x14 for additional context. But after taking a step back and re-evaluating my hangups, I found a way. I do hope you enjoy it!

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a nice, safe, spoiler-free zone... I'm sorry, this ain't it. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and perhaps the entire series to date. It's a LOT of fun, though, if you're up for it!

Ready to see what awaits our delightful duo now that Chenford Coitus has been achieved? Let's dive in!

Nobody Puts Timmy In A Corner

Lucy is sitting at the back of Roll Call so she can keep an eye on Tim. He doesn't even have to turn around for her to feel the misery coming off of him, even through the walls.

Tim hates this. But it's what he has to do for love, right?

My Chair is Moving

Like, this was so personal, and yet so sweet. She totally turned his chair toward her, and he was happy to go along because—let's be real—she's the best part of his day.

Seeing Tim without his set up for his camera on his chest is strange. I know it hasn't been there all along series-wise, but it really stood out to me watching this scene. No need for them to monitor what he's doing with the public because he no longer see the public. He sees... part of a window.

It's been one week based on Canon, so we know he's already bored out of his mind... no matter what he tells his girlfriend. (I will never get over getting to call Lucy Chen that! She's Tim Bradford's girlfriend)

"I thought we said we wound never lie to each other."

There are a million conversations happening between these two that we never see. We have fan fiction where we can speculate on it, but at first blush I really appreciated this glimpse into their shared code.

Now, they spend the entire episode going against said code (which I'll get into at the end of this Meta), but I do like that we have insight into what happens when the camera's not rolling between Tim and Lucy.

"That was a lie." "You're miserable."

She knows her man. I mean, anyone paying attention can tell that Tim's having a horrible time working at a desk. Now, he's got productivity up and whatnot, but he's miserable.

We saw him make the sacrifice play in 5x12, but now seeing him living it is akin to us hearing about the Monster that was his father and then meeting the man, ourselves. It's about as bad as imagined, in both cases, but there's something about seeing it that makes it more "real".

Desk work for Tim Bradford is bleak. But, he'll do whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves.

"No. It's not that bad. Nice people. Low stress. Wait, wait that reminds me... next week." "Thank you." "You're welcome. Be safe out there. I'll see you at the end of shift."

I'm reminded of 4x01 when Lucy asked Tim to be careful over the phone. "I always am," he said. This time, it's Tim who's staying in place and Lucy who's on the move.

And the face she gave him when he gave her the thumbs up? Like, "don't give me the bad baseball thumbs up!" She gives him an aghast look, but he follows up quickly enough to reference the end of shift—his happy place.

The same schedule means they can see each other every day, yes, but during the day it's bloody torture for Tim. There was a song in my youth about living for the weekends. Right now, Tim is living for end-of-shift. (originally I typoed to "end-of-shirt" and that kinda works, too, if ya know what I mean)

When she walks away, he exhales, thinking his charade worked. Hell, no, Tim, my boy. Your girl knows when you're hurting. ("I rode long enough with you to know when you are being you and when you're upset")

Lucy is in the best relationship of her life. No way she's going to stand still while he's struggling. This is the ultimate give-and-take. Tim steps back for Lucy, Lucy steps up for Tim.

"I'm just trying to find a way to keep him from losing his mind." "Is there no other position he can move into?" "No. Everything's at a standstill."

Stripping away the "do they know" question (which I cover in the summary at the end of this Meta), I'm going to just talk about Nyla and Lucy watching out for Tim.

Lucy intervening on Tim's behalf is not surprising. She stood up for him against the Sergeant who wasn't taking the fender-bender case seriously. She recorded multiple books-on-tape for him so he could study for the Sergeant's exam. Heck, she helped renovate his home while he was dating Discount Barbie.

So, Lucy stepping up for Tim would never be what raised red flags on their relationship status change. Yes, I expected someone to comment on Tim being "punished" or something if they weren't aware of the relationship, but since they didn't, we work with what we've got.

And what we've got is everyone aware that Tim's in a job he hates and wants out of.

"Alright, well, then you're going to have to shake things up… create an opening... It means you've gotta get creative. Find a weak link and start a 5-player trade." "Say more."

"Say more" cracks me up. It's so smooth and welcoming.

Girlfriend is finally seeing an angle for her "find Tim a new job" plan. It reminds me of her telling him, once, that he's the king of coming at problems from a sideways angle. Looks like the student really has become the master!

"Metro would be a good fit for Tim... I mean, Hicks might be up for a transfer, a bit more family time... if he left Metro, Tim could take his spot."

The one part I skipped over here is the part that I think would be an interesting test for Tim and Lucy—can they navigate the brutal hours?

I tried to look up the LA Metro to get a little more intel (yes, I'm that Meta writer), but information's sparse online in terms of actual timelines for the teams and shifts. There's likely good reason for it ("Hey, coppers! When will you be off the streets so we can pilfer some golden duckets?"), but I had to check. It's the journalist in me.

It's not like we've never seen Metro before on this show. I was watching an episode the other day where they radio'd to call in Metro and we saw a bunch of folks we didn't know in tactical vests show up. They'll find ways to tie Tim in, I'm sure, but I'll be curious to see if/how it affects Tim and Lucy's relationship.

"What could go wrong?" "A lot for both you and Tim. If Sergeants feel like they're being manipulated, they will never trust you again. And they talk. So the next time you need a favor, and you will, the answer will be no. Forever. So, tread lightly."

Will there be any consequences for all this? I've seen the speculation, but I think all this warning did was encourage Lucy to be crafty. See Exhibit A below.

"Uh, listen, my roommate is an excellent babysitter and she's always looking for work if you ever need someone."

Never underestimate the power of childcare. Especially for parents of multiples. I only had twins, and I can still imagine the chaos of that poor man's house and life. It's a gift, yes, but I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy.

Every time I see a character on a show having multiples, I wonder who in the Writer's Room hated them, because it's a tough, tough road. I love my boys forever and ever. But it's a unique challenge raising multiples.

And Hicks is intrigued. Because finding people to watch multiples can be a nightmare, too. Trust me. I've been there and tried all the sites before I finally gave up on Brick-and-Mortar and started working for myself.

The Gang's All Here

This was my second favorite scene of the entire episode. I love the Found Family trope. I love that there is this core of people who have decided to not only work together, but to do life together.

I don't have that through any of my brick-and-mortar jobs (mostly back-stabbers and high drama, there), but I do have it from University. 20 years with the best friends in the world. So, I see these scenes and I see my own Found Family reflected there.

As each group files in (and someone over on Twitter noted quite brilliantly how each door opening coincides with a different method of announcement—knocking, ringing, walking right in), it's adding the layers to the scene. It's not convoluted or complicated or cachophonic. It's harmonious.

You can see how all these very different people work together, compliment one another, and fit together into a jigsaw puzzle of friendship.

And to know that Tim's friends band together to come to his aid means so much. But I hate that he doesn't know.

I understand the subterfuge of doing something great for someone you love—orchestrating a great something. My husband did it for me through a four-hour scavenger hunt marriage proposal that took me through several cities before arriving in the theater where we met. He had production meetings for that proposal.

So, I'm not frustrated at the fact that Lucy did this without taking credit for it. I've done things in secret for my loveyby and him for me.

However, I wish Tim knew how much he was loved. I don't think he fully comprehends that yet, and since this wasn't used as an opportunity to demonstrate that to him, I'm hoping that'll come down the line.

Look, when you grow up thinking you're unlovable, it's powerful when your friends come through for you.

My husband and I had to get a new fridge a few months back. Old one died. But we couldn't afford to go through a box store, so we went Outlet and had to transport it ourselves. One friend fractured a finger. Four others worked together to dismantle and reassemble it to get it into the house. It took 2 hours. They had come over for Matthew's birthday party and instead we moved a fridge.

And not one person complained. We all laughed. We took hilarious photos. We had an amazing time. Because, finally, we have people in our lives who love us without condition.

Tim has that, too, but I sometimes think he doesn't fully understand it. I do wish he knew how much they love him and how they all came together to help him as an act of love.

And if he doesn't find out about this, I do hope there's still a time down the line when Tim Bradford will fully realize how much his Found Family loves him.

"Oh, you look surprised. Wait, weren't you on the group text?"

I'm DYING. DYING that they have a group chat and somehow Nolan still missed it. I know he said that he unplugs when he gets home (which is a great thing to do, but I don't know if he'll continue to move up the ranks without being more easy-to-reach). But it really made me cackle.

And I have to say that the choice to put the post-its on the windows so they could shoot through was really genius. My favorite logistical decision of the episode. Credit to the writer, director, set designer, or whoever said, "This is the way".

But Tim's reaction to Nolan throwing up his arm to block his way cracked me up. Like, Eric Winter's physicality as Tim never fails to amuse and amaze.

And Lucy's "where the hell do I put these things!?" face had me rolling. Melissa O'Neil has had a lot of room for humor these past few episodes, and it's fun to see her show off her chops.

"Is that Lucy's car?"

Yes, Tim. And Wesley's, James'. It's a party! But, of course, the only one he cares about belongs to his love.

And how on-brand is it for Tim that he doesn't care about the air conditioning ("air conditioning makes you soft") but he was all about getting to watch the game? I cackled.

Tim clocks Lucy across the room and Angela clocks their interaction, casting knowing glances towards Bailey and Nyla. Hermana, never change. That choice was all Alyssa Diaz and I love it.

"You okay?" "Yeah. Couldn't be better."

It's not a lie! But, she certainly has a lot on her mind, and as soon as he walks into the room, Tim's forgotten the game. He's focused solely on her.

Smitty and Lucy

This is a tiny detail I spotted as Lucy walks into the room, but it made me laugh. The sign on the door has been switched to "occupied" but the door is wide open. Did Smitty set it to occupied but forget to close the door? Did someone else switch the sign to warn of Smitty? The possibilities are hilarious!

And Lucy Chen loves Tim Bradford so much that she's willing to make a blind deal with Smitty, of all people. And does Smitty know about Lucy and Tim? Is he writing fanfiction of the two of them at his desk instead of working?

"Nothing weird." "Nothing weird. I promise."

Because with Smitty, you have to clarify. Still, she's braver than I am to make this deal with zero idea what he'll demand in return for this favor.

"Deal."

Taking your husband's words? I stan a couple who are so in love they pick up on one another's phrasing. I can think of two recent examples of Tim ending a conversation with "Deal" from my re-viewings. With Genny at their family house, and with Lucy when she told him to ask her out, again, after she dumped Dead-Weight-Chris.

So, Lucy's subconsciously picking up on Tim's words, and that cracks me up.

My husband picks up on my phrasing, but it's more obvious because I make up things. Like when our twins were tiny and complaining about random things, I'd call them "Complainababy" and if they were congested they were "Conjestababy". Yes, I understand normal people don't do that. I embrace who I am.

And watch how she flexes her hands as soon as she leaves the room to rid herself of the awful feeling of making a deal with the Smitty. Sorry, Lucy, but there won't be enough hand sanitizer in the world to save you from what he has planned for you.

"Hey." "Hey." "I just heard Lauren Fuji is retiring." "Really? That's surprising."

I have thoughts about this that are at the bottom of the episode notes, so skip there if you want my honest thoughts on this right away. Or you can keep reading the Meta and we'll get to that later.

"Don't you get it? It means there's an opening in Metro. Well, at least there was."

This is the first information to Lucy that's new, and she cocks her head at it. Because it is completely plausible that someone else swooped in and took the position she tried so hard to hand-carve for Tim. And that would suck, but it can totally happen.

And I love the way Tim (via Eric Winter) is punctuating his words, here. Tim is pumped up and excited, and it's so beautiful to see. He has been through so much heartache throughout the run of this show. We've seen Tim Bradford at his lowest.

But now we get to see him on the way up in a big way.

"Lieutenant Pine just called me 15 minutes ago, and I'm going over."

Timothy Bradford, you are gushing with excitement as you talk to your woman. I love how he leans forward toward her, like a kid with a secret that they can't help but share on the playground.

"That's great! Congratulations."

Lucy gives him a chest tap because she is truly excited for her man. I'm a tapper, myself, with my husband. So I think it's cute we share that, me and my fictional bestie.

But, she's also looking around the station to see if anyone noticed.

"Thanks. Grey gave me rock star review." "Well, he should. You're amazing."

Lucy's heart eyes and Tim's smile are sending me. He is smiling with all his teeth and every beautiful laugh line is alight with pure joy.

I'm also strangely excited to learn that Eric Winter's nose wrinkles like mine when he smiles big, sometimes, and that's so oddly comforting. My Eldest's nose does the same thing.

And how telling is it that we've had 5 years of watching Tim Bradford before I knew this little fact about his smile because we have never seen him smile like this before?

"I'm excited." *giggle* "I'm excited!"

There is something so sweet about excitement being such a foreign emotion to Tim that he has to verbalize it. Like it's bubbling out of him at a rate he can't control because he isn't accustomed to joy.

The last time he was happy, he was working the beat and was married to Isabelle. But, I argue, this is joy, not happiness bred of happenstance. Tim Bradford is bubbling with joy.

Professionally, his greatest fear has been advancing to the point that he's trapped at a desk. Tim likes to be on the streets, in the middle of the action, making things happen. Sitting might be great for Smitty, but not for Tim.

He took that hit for the love of Lucy. Now, everything in this episode implies that this was a waystation situation, where Tim was waiting for an opening to make a move. Grey tells him to "hang in there" and Nyla seems completely aware that they're waiting for something to open up to move him over.

His main goal in taking this desk job was to keep Lucy at Mid-Wilshire. The icing on the cake was that they got to see each other every day and didn't have to deal with syncing shifts.

Lucy knew before Tim took the job that he'd be positively miserable. The staging literally has him in a corner with his back to Roll Call, his back to the action, his back to what he loves.

Now, he's moving up to Metro, and it's definitely movement forward in his career, gets him back out on the streets, and keeps his relationship with Lucy from crossing any lines that might warrant an IA investigation.

The Tim Bradford we met in the Pilot was a man whose life was on pause. He was in a holding pattern with his job, with his wife, with his sense of self. Lucy entered his life, and it's like someone pressed "Play", again.

And it wasn't even romantic, at the beginning. Lucy is just this ball of light that stepped into his world. At first, it was blinding to him and he bit back at her as much as she snapped at him. But as she refined her glow, he softened his gaze, and they somehow met in the middle when the time was right.

Tim Bradford today is a man who has faced his trauma with his father head-on. Is there still healing to do? Hell, yeah. But he's on his way, now, instead of repressing and avoiding. He's working on his relationship with his little sister.

He's trying to be a complete human being—not only running from the image of his father, but embracing all the best parts of himself and owning them as his own unique identity.

Tim Bradford is closer to himself than he's been in a long time. Peeling back the layers of anguish, trauma, heartache, and abuse... it's taken time. And Lucy's been there for so much of it. For her to be the love of his life? Only fate (and the writers) could weave the tapestry so aptly.

Tim is excited. He has something to look forward to every day in his job. He has something to look forward to every night with the woman he loves. He's no longer looking back. For the first time in his life, Tim can truly look forward with excitement.

And Lucy's giggle!? I love her giggle. I doubt she's ever seen Tim this giddy and it made her giggle. And, yes, we know that she made that happen.

And, let me tell you, it's fun when you can make something happen for the person that you love. Puts a special warmth in your chest the bubbles out, sometimes.

"Let's go to dinner tonight and celebrate."

The cadence here reminds me of Tim telling Angela to proudly show off her baby belly while wedding dress shopping. It's a type of abandon we've heard in Tim's voice only when directed at other people and never at himself.

Tim wants to celebrate this amazing achievement. He wants to celebrate something amazing that happened to him. Before, he wasn't that jazzed about his award, except for how it could help with his forward momentum. Jackson built a shelf for his (with Nolan's help), and Tim probably has his in the back of his closet.

But Tim was excited about making Sergeant (remember his pride hanging up his new uniform before he opened his locker to see the booties?) and he's proud of this. But, it's amplified because Tim Bradford's life is finally coming together.

Career. Love. Found Family (even if he doesn't yet realize it). Sibling Relationship. Finances (he and Genny made bank on that house sale in the LA Real Estate Market). Tim's life is coming up Roses.

"Do you need any help?"

I have seen a few people disappointed that Tim didn't show up to help her at the end, but he asked her if she needed him and she said she had to do it alone.

He's not going to go against her wishes because he has learned to trust her and her judgment. He knows that if she truly needs him, she will ask. Lucy's far past not asking Tim for what she needs.

He talked out Emmett with her once he understood that's what she needed. He gave her a hug after Jackson's death.

"But tomorrow it is a date. We are gonna celebrate you. Congratulations. They're really lucky to have you." "Thank you."

Tim can't help himself. He reaches for her left hand with his right. He wants to touch her. He wants to be closer to her. Because he has never been this happy.

Lucy giggles as he briefly holds her hand before she separates herself. But, I swear, that man looked like he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

"Good Job!"

She taps his arm, again, as he goes. And, wow, I can't remember seeing Tim smile this much with teeth ever. He's beaming as he watches her go, his eyes trailing after her until the last second he can no longer see her.

He nods to himself. "Yup. That's the woman I'm going to marry." Not right this moment, obviously, because we're all enjoying the ride and there's no rush. But, someday. And he knows it.

I've seen folks worried about his face falling, but I think we're simply unaccustomed to seeing Tim's face resolve to neutral after a big smile. Something about his face threw me back to 5x02, so I went back and looked. And, yup, tears in his eyes, here, too. Tears of joy.

Tim Bradford is joyful, my friends. So full of joy that it's overflowing. And after all the heartache, heartbreak, and pure hell of his life... it makes it all the sweeter.

This man would do anything for her. She would do anything for him. In one another they've found their equal—that one person who meets them where they are in intensity and devotion.

One flame does not overwhelm the other, but they help each other's glow brighter and stronger. When one is dimming, the other provides the light.

This give-and-take is the culmination of years of long nights, early mornings, complex conversations, deep dives, flare ups, cool downs, in-jokes, and trust building. It's fictional, sure, but we're getting to see true love in real-time, and I am so thankful for this ride.

"I'll admit, I've been lax about cleaning it." "How lax?" "Either Clinton or Bush was the president." "Which Bush!?"

I laughed so hard at this line. It cracked me up so bad I didn't even hear the next lines. Of course, I went back and figured it out, but I love Smitty. In small doses, he really does add a bit of levity to the show.

Also, Lucy in a hazmat suit!? The things she does for love.

Because, even though we didn't see Tim and Lucy in a post-coital cuddle-fest, or a shirtless trek through Lucy's kitchen, or even a kiss between these two this week... we're getting to see sacrificial love. Not the kind that gives too much, but the kind that gives-and-takes.

Tim and Lucy are in love (even if they haven't uttered the words, yet). They're demonstrating it through how they treat one another, and it's such a beautiful reminder that relationships are so much more than sex and attraction.

It's about growing together, supporting one another, calling each other on your crap, and finding ways through the hardships of life together.

This is a place where The Rookie really excels. They show couples who work through life together, who love each other even when there is no cozy morning-after because they overslept, or the alarm went off too early, or a dog or kid needs something.

Love is complex and layered, and I love that we're not seeing Tim and Lucy in pound town every week. Like, sure, they're going there, but to see a healthy relationship? That is what both Tim and Lucy have lacked until now.

Tim and Lucy finally have a love that matches their souls. I'm grateful for every morsel of it that we get to see on screen. But just knowing that Tim and Lucy are this unbelievably happy and they're together? That's enough for me.

I used to watch Janeway and Chakotay touch once every 10 episodes and call it a victory. Mulder and Scully danced around each other forever and I was able to cope. So, the scenes we get of Chenford feel like four course meals, and I'm thankful to eat them again, and again, and again. The meals... I mean.

So, what were Rachel's hangups on this one? Lies, Clarity, and Metro. For separate reasons, I got a little stuck on these three.

Lies

I have a big problem with lies, as some readers know. When Lucy and Tim mentioned they promised not to lie to one another and then spent the entire episode lying, it got under my skin.

Now, I'm all for Loving Spousal Surprises. I've given them (my husband's 30th Nerf Battle Surprise Birthday) and received them (4-hr scavenger hunt Engagement).

But hearing the promise at the beginning followed by a whole episode of lying triggered my trauma.

I started writing the Meta and it was too colored by my own experiences. So, I stepped back, deleted everything I wrote, and started fresh with just the bones.

Sometimes, we have to be careful our past prejudices don't ruin our present experiences. At least, that's something I've learned.

Clarity

The ambiguity as to whether the team is in-the-know, oblivious, or pretending-to-be-oblivious regarding Chenford was frustrating. It made it really hard to write because I felt like the cues from the scenes shifted throughout the episode going in multiple directions.

I am not a person who minds that we didn't get a Morning After (plenty of time to see Domestic Chenford), or that we didn't get the DOD Tattoo (it's hers, not theirs), and I wouldn't even mind if we missed seeing everyone find out/announce they know.

From the first scene with Nyla, I thought they were obviously open about their dating. But, then at Nolan's, Angela was giving "knowing" eyes and Tim kept his distance. Then it was over to the final Chenford scene where Lucy and Tim both look guarded about who might be watching.

My take? I figured everyone knew but Chenford thought they didn't. But, that's a far bigger guess than most of my guesses, so I felt uncomfortable writing it. I like to draw from what I see, not try to draw over it. I'm a hapless fan sharing uneducated interpretations, not the writer of the scenes.

So, I tried to avoid talking about it with this Meta since I don't feel like I can yet speak with certainty on the matter.

Metro

"If you ever do consider Metro, give me a call."

If it was this easy, why did Lucy have to go through a thousand hoops? Sure, it was great practice for the inevitable Wedding Place Setting game down the line, but why was this line here if it wasn't an option for Tim?

And why didn't Nolan say anything during the brainstorming session? I know we like to talk about him being clueless, at times, but he's far from idiotic. It might've been pertinent information, or an "in" to help expedite Tim's ascension.

I struggled with the directionality of the scene. Watching it the first time, I was convinced it would feed into the quest to find Tim a new position. If it wasn't there for Tim, was it to show that Nolan isn't where he's supposed to be? Are we setting up for Nolan to pop over with Tim at some point?

And, again, why didn't anyone think to give her a call about Tim, an officer who is far more seasoned and qualified for the position? No shade thrown at Nolan, but that's objectively true, and I couldn't fathom why this scene was structured the way it was if it wasn't going to help Tim. Maybe it's planting the seed for another episode down the line...

EDIT: The amazing @wordgirl40 pointed out in the comments that all the moving pieces on the board were Sergeants, and that hadn't stuck with me when watching the scene. I still think Nolan could have put in a phone call to help with things, but even that tiny clarification makes it easier to follow. Thank you!

Enough of my hangups. Thanks for bearing with me.

I want to draw out one line that I thought was really interesting, considering the "Found Family" angle of the episode.

Grey told Celina, "You have a new family of brothers and sisters. Remember that."

It's true. Big Brother/TO Tim was the one to realize what was bothering Celina and call her out. And how soft was he with her once he assessed the whole situation (no, he's not single, Carla. Ay, dios mio!)?

Big Brother/TO Nolan ran into the building to retrieve Celina. They had her back professionally and personally.

And the team had Tim and Lucy's backs. Like, this really is a beautiful little Found Family.

When Lucy and Tim do get married, if her parents don't show up, Grey can walk her down the aisle. Tamara will be her Maid of Honor and Tim's Best Woman will be Angela, of course. They'll be surrounded by people who love them without criteria or constraints.

Found Family is often stronger than bio family, I've found. And for Tim and Lucy—two people for whom "family" is a bit broken—their Found Family will always be there for them. For Tim. For Lucy. For Chenford. And for the family they'll build together.

Because love is a gift best given freely and with abandon. That is what this ensemble of characters have. At the end of the day, they will never lack in love.

As always, thanks for reading and bearing with me on the delay on this one. It was the most challenging, thus far. But I'm still loving every second of this Chenford ride.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

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