#cannot fucking believe Im writing fanfiction again
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oh no what am I doing. I still have probably 800 words left in me for this. Why am I writing a three-act oneshot about these gay disasters
(probably won't be called "Roads," I just use the title of the song I'm writing to as a working title, and I'm currently listening to Portishead)
#spies are forever#curtwen#agent curt mega#owen carvour#cannot fucking believe Im writing fanfiction again
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MASSIVE gojo x reader fanfic rec (no spoilers)
ok i know a lot of my followers are gojo girlies and i just need to put yall onto this fucking fanfiction because i just read the latest release for it and i’m genuinely tweaking rn🧍🏻♀️
@lostfracturess ‘s amazing work called “symptoms & causes” - a medical au
[image pulled from her masterlist]
let me just…let me just try to even gather the reasons why you need to add this to your tbr lists (weekend is comin up too so perfect time)
characterization of gojo satoru.
gojo in this fic is characterized so fucking well, from chapter one. there are so many distinctive ways miss lostfractures goes about building his aura (word of mouth/reputation, dialogue, expository, primary interactions, secondary interactions, etc.) it reminds me of the show where gojo just has this energy to him that you can't tear yourself away from
i picture him in this fic to be unrelenting, unforgiving, morally grey, with an undertone of softness yet still feral through it all,, basically gojo during shibuya arc LOL. i looove reading cute silly boy gojo fics sm (he’s so baby) but THIS fic explores the borderline wicked side of him that is so thrilling, unique, and rare to find i think in this fandom’s collection of works. it’s just so fucking good.
forbidden romance.
UGGHH i love stories w forbidden romance. in this one, it’s med student reader x professor gojo (additional power dynamics in that he’s a senior surgeon in her field and also a research mentor in her study of interest…TRIPLE THREAT DAMN). i love how miss lostfractures doesn’t shy away from reminding the reader that it’s wrong, and that they shouldn’t be doing this. that’s my fave part of forbidden romances like yesss remind me again why this is all so wrong but let’s still do it anyways LOL <333
reader’s voice.
i’ve LOVED reader since the beginning, so relatable, emotionally mature, all her flaws are so believable & her strengths are shown seamlessly. it’s just so much fun to read because i’ll literally have a thought like “hmm…that (something a character said/did) doesn’t sound very convincing” and then the next line will be something like “he didn’t sound very convincing” like!!! me and s&c reader?? we’re locked in like this fr🤞🏼 like gojo’s domain expansion fingers
escapism.
everything in this story feels so damn real it’s insane. the pacing is stunning, love the utilization of stacks of scenes that are sort of short but so concise, enough to be a smooth read but still descriptive enough to entirely transport you into the world that’s being built. cannot praise the writing in this story enough. also the variety of ways that scenarios are made that pull characters closer to one another?? so creative. as someone who works in a research lab, studied bio in college (some of the fkn biochem stuff that comes up in this fic gives me heart attacks lmfaooo pls im traumatized), and has worked in clinics/hospitals it just itches my brain so damn good. you’ll be convinced you’re a brilliant med student while you read this fic.
writing.
the writing is just. so. good. it’s so good. better than most PUBLISHED works i’ve read. i really can't say much other than that, you just have to go see for yourself.
—
if any of these reasons speak to you, i highly recommend you check the fic out. just a note tho it does have some dark themes but you can find all the tags/warnings on her page!
OK BYE
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo smut#jjk gojo#geto suguru#gojo satoru angst#series#alternate universe#romance#smut#fluff#angst#jjk smut#long fic#jjk series#medical au#gojo satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#fic rec#jujutsu kaisen fic rec#jjk fic rec#gojo satoru fic rec#gojo fic rec#celestie fic rec
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This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Wormdebut! Wormdebut has published 18 fics on AO3 all in the steddie tag!
@thefreakandthehair recommends the following works by @wormdebut:
Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back
Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)
Hell Bent For Leather
All You Have Is Your Fire
It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)
Worm is incredible! For a humble worm, they sure know how to write fanfiction. ;) But seriously, Worm has a way of exploring different dynamics in such depth with an immense amount of care that's so obvious in the finish products! -- @thefreakandthehair
Below the cut, Wormdebut answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!
Why do you write Steddie?
These two idiots inspire me. I mean look at them. I think the thing I love about Steve and Eddie is that to me they are destined to be together. Post-Canon, Alternate Universe. It doesn’t matter. They are meant to be together in any scenario. I could and will write about these two forever.
What’s your favorite trope to READ?
Rockstar Eddie, baby. I love some good sex, drugs and rock and roll.
What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?
Is safe (mostly)sane and consensual BDSM a trope? I like to write that. 😂
What’s your favorite Steddie fic?
Tuesday’s Gone With The Wind - Thisapplepielife there is nothing quite like reading this for the first time. I truly thought I was going to explode as it was being updated.
Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?
Omegaverse! I have a fic in the worm vault that will come out eventually. Wormegaverse. It’s coming. I’m fucking stoked for it.
What is your writing process like?
Hoooboy. It’s a mess. I cannot write an outline to save my life. (I’m looking at you King of Hell Eddie fic. I know you need an outline okay?) I tend to write in order, but if I get stuck I will skip a scene or two ahead so I can figure out how to squish two pieces of a story together OR I will write little notes about my intentions and skip it and come back. (My favorite note of all time is when I wrote “spit kink shit.” So I could remember my very pure intentions)
Do you have any writing quirks?
Boy do I! I tend to go into like writing fugue states where I will just bust out thousands of words in a sitting and if I am not doing that I am thinking and over thinking about when im gonna fugue out again.
I also get really stressed when it actually comes time to write a sex scene? Weird, I know. But every single one is super important to me and I want to make sure they read well. My friends can attest that I am an absolute basket case when it comes to me writing Steve and Eddie getting down and dirty.
Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?
God when I’m done. I am NOT great at posting chaptered fics but I am trying to get better with it? I prefer writing larger pieces though. I am an over-thinker to a fault and for some reason I stress less with one-shots.
Which fic are you most proud of?
It’s gotta be Kiss Your Knuckles. That fic is everything to me. But my Boys Who Kiss series is also so fucking important to me. Those two have so much more to tell y’all and I can’t wait to share their lives with you. I’m a musician so any of my fics that are heavily laced with performance and song are very special.
How did you get the idea for Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face)?
I remember listening to Twin Size Mattress one day and I was like—Holy Shit, this is so Steddie-Coded it hurts. And it’s post-canon AND Rockstar Eddie? Incredible. The words just screamed Eddie Behavior and I knew Steve had to write a one-hit wonder about how he felt.
When writing Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face), what was something you didn’t expect?
Oh I sobbed when I finished it. I couldn’t believe that I had actually finished it. It truly means the world to me and I wanted to share it with you all so badly. I cried for like an hour.
What inspired It Feels Like Fourteen Carats But No Clarity (When I Look At The Man Who Would Be King)?
Honestly? Tumblr user @ghosttotheparty had made a post about the scenario that Fourteen Carats is about and I messaged them and was like hey listen I want to take a shot at this, if that’s okay. Fourteen Carats is the first fully formed fic that I have ever posted aside from tumblr Drabbles and while I personally don’t love it I keep it up just in case someone somewhere does. 😂
What was your favorite part to write from All You Have Is Your Fire?
OH. Absolutely just eluding to Tattoo Legend and Icon, Jim Hopper. God he so fucking hot neat.
How do/did you feel writing Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back?
I felt some type of a way, clearly. I think this is my favorite Eddie that I have ever written (My favorite Steve is Kiss Your Knuckles Steve) and he just kept getting more and more interesting. Like who the hell fucks you and speaks French while they do it? Tell Eddie Eddie does. And thank god for that guy.
What was the most difficult part of writing Hellbent For Leather?
Writing sub/bottom Eddie! I did this fic as a gift for tumblr user @gorgeousgreymatter-x (love you bitch) and it was hard because I don’t often write that dynamic, but god damn I loved these two Steddies.
Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?
Ah—
“It is, and I do.”
Something about French chef Eddie, really—yeah. I am proud of everything I have written but if I can be honest with you I rarely remember what I have done. I often joke that it’s simply Steve and Eddie in my brain just writing what they want, because people will quote my work or talk to me about a scene and I’m like—‘I wrote that?? Nice.’
Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?
WELL. Once I can break myself out of this accidental hiatus I am so excited to share more of For Your Entertainment with yall. I am also so fucking excited to share King Of Hell Eddie with the world. I can’t fucking wait. I am working on a ‘Came Back Wrong’ fic that is less scary and more comedic and I am stoked for that. I have quite a few things that are happening and I am just so fucking excited to share them all with you.
Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?
Just thank you. Thank you for reading and thanks for letting me be a part of all of this. I have not felt this inspired and loved in a long fucking time and I’m not going anywhere so I hope yall will stick around for the wild ride.
Fucking love you.
Thank you to our author, Wormdebut, and our nominator, @thefreakandthehair! See more of Wormdebut's works featured on our page throughout the day!
Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!
#writer's spotlight#steddie#steddie fic recs#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve x eddie#stranger things#steddie writers#writer's wednesday
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Holy shit theres so much that happened in this chapter jfc but before I get into all of that, I just want to say...
I CANNOT BELIEVE MAEKOR TOOK A PAGE OUT OF HARWIN STRONGS PLAYBOOK AND FATHERED A CHILD WITH A MARRIED WOMAN, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, LIKE FATHER LIKE SON 🤣🤣🤣
BUT OH MY GOD THIS CHAPTER WAS EPIC!!!
Now Maekor x Helaena wasn't a ship I was expecting but it's a pleasant surprise. Helaena deserves to be with someone who loves her and omg she named their child Maelor in honor of his father which is even cuter and AHHH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE OF THAT HAPPY FAMILY!
The scenes where Harwin kept grabbing onto his son bc of who he's meant to face in battle alone (which wtf you mean to tell me Rhaenyra didn't send anyone else to come and help?? Harwin even sent them a raven and nothing?!?!? OOOOO RHAENYRA IS IN DEEP SHIT NOW)
Now lets talk about the epic of entrances that has been entered in fanfiction...
OUR BADASS QUEEN WHO SHOULD'VE BEEN COMING IN HOT AND READY FOR BATTLE ON HER FRESHLY HEALED DRAGON GOING AFTER VHAGAR WHO WAS GOING AFTER ONE OF HER DRAGONLINGS
OH MY GOD THE BATTLE SCENE WAS FREAKING AWESOME, I MEAN RIP TO QUEEN VHAGAR BUT YOU WAS GOING AFTER MAEKOR AND HIS DRAGON AND THAT WAS A BIG NO NO
And then my second favorite part of this chapter was Helaena coming down to where they had congregated on Dreamfyre all confident and shit... I might start tearing up again 🤧 telling Aemond no more fighting and Aemond looking relieved that she was alive and that Aemma was alive made me want to give him a hug (after I slap the shit out of him for almost taking Reader out to begin with)
My last but not the least in the slightest part of this chapter definitely had to be the collective fuck 'em to both Rhaenyra & the Hightowers. The way they all decided to stop fighting for Kings and Queens they don't believe in anymore collectively as a whole family 😭😭😭😭 ITS SO BEAUTIFUL! THIS IS WHAT VISERYS WANTED, HIS FAMILY UNITED AND NOW THEY ARE. (hes probably not happy about the fuck Rhaenyra part but Aemma (the older one) is probably telling him off in the afterlife for making dumbass decisions and ignoring their other daughter who was the more obvious choice of being ruler)
My god I can't freaking WAIT for Reader to go to Dragonstone and fuck shit up 👊🏻👊🏻 I want a full blowout between the sisters and I want Reader to knock her ass OUT. MY THIRST FOR VENGENCE IS REAL!
P.S. The softer side of me also can't wait for Harwin and Reader's reunion as well 🥺🥺🥺
I loved this so much! Hahaha
Maekar and Helaena are the cutest if I might say so myself… they had love each other for ages, and Maekar likes his women a little older jiji (like two years but anyways)
I don’t even know what Rhaenyra was thinking 😂 she was protecting her own skin, because a naval battle was happening right off shore of Dragonstone and she was scared, she couldn’t tell anything to Daemon, and she hoped the Strongs (Rhaegar included) could figure it out on themselves
OH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT! I thought it was being too rushed… the battle and all… IM SO GLAD 🥰🥰
Yes poor Vhagar, but for reader and Aemond means to leave a part of their lives behind… like for Aemond means a new beginning and for reader means killing a part, like a rotten part of her allegiances … something like that I suck at metaphors
Yeahh Helaena is getting confident about her “dreams” so she will start following on them, that is what feeling safe with her own dragonslings will make 💕 Poor Aemond what Otto put him trough only to manipulate him! What a Bastard!! He needs a therapist dude… imagine thinking the persons he loves the most are dead… only to be a lie! Anyways
The alliance that should have been from the beginning! Hahaha even though they will not fight for Rhaenyra and Aegon they still face an uglier opponent…
I’m thinking about writing an entire chapter about love reunions! Jajaja pure smuts 💕💕
Thanks my love for this amazing ask! Hahaha I read it a bunch of times! 💕💕
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(hi im back I got scared bc I worried I'd focused too much on myself in my last ask and the demons took over Help) idk why im shocked that there aren't any fics unique to wattpad I dont think the boyboy following is a wattpad bunch we're all old pretentious fucks (endearing). I rly hope they're cool with fics,,, i hope they Get It,,, that would be really sick. they've surprised me before, they can do it again!
you ARE being brave holy shit if I was in your position I think I'd shit myself to DEATH this tension is killing me but I agree your fics are so well written like they're rpf but more importantly they're really good??? truly moving?? literary even??? and i have hope that they'll appreciate that too
- 🌵
HIIIIIIIIIII noooooooo omg not at all!!! its just that ive genuinely sucked ass at answering asks in general since the dawn of time and in the past couple of weeks i have gotten more asks than ive ever received before in my entire life LOL plus my memory is shit so if i dont answer Immediately i forget ive even been sent anything in the first place and its just this whole thing but me not responding wasnt caused by anything you did in the slightest i LOVE getting asks from you!!!
god i literally know it makes complete sense but at the same time it surprised me as well maybe wattpad rly isnt what i remember it being anymore maybe it has fallen off in a pretty major way since 2014..... dude i literally cannot exaggerate how much i want that to be true LOL i rly rly rly hope they are too like i know logically they wouldnt be making the video if they werent but still...... tbh aleksa does strike me as someone who has legitimately written self insert fanfiction abt him & alex in the past so. i think there's some hope for us (joking obvs. unless..)
im gonna be real there hasnt been one moment in the past couple of days where i wasnt shitting and pissing and vomiting myself to death i literally wake up in cold sweat nowadays expecting my inbox to be flooded w anons being like DUDE THE VIDEO IS OUT FHFGNG.. like its BAD the tension is kiling me as well. ohhhhhmy god stop you guys are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo niceys to me i cant believe it..... god.....them apprer . them Complim , them ap- i cant even say it . is something i genuinely honestly cannot even begin to think abt like you guys r being so brave and normal abt this and r trying to comfort me constantly and i just feel like i havent made any mental progress at all since the day of the fateful discovery LOL like ever since i learned its not gonna be posted to their patreon w roughly 5000 subscibers like i hoped but instead to their yt channel with 800k+ subscibers i have been trying even Harder to gaslight myself into thinking my fics somehow wont make it into the video bc when i like sit down and make a serious attempt to entertain the possibility of 800k ppl potentially seeing my writing its just . Like my brain legitimately shuts down. i just cannot physically or mentally comprehend that number at all its not REAL!!!! to me!!!!!! get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<33333333333333333#i rly need to like get over myself already and stop being so dramatic abt this whole thing like maybe its literally fine .#i cant rly explain my general issue in a way that doesnt make me sound like an asshole but i guess it all boils down to the fact that#with my black and white autistic as shit thinking i consider there to be only 2 major types of rpf#1. the like . normal wholesome cute lighthearted G-rated kind that revolves around them going to the grocery store or sth#and 2. the genuinely seriously creepy kind written by maladjusted ppl that makes me sick to my stomach when im unfortuante enough#to encounter it in the wild#& because i for some reason dont consider my writing to fall into the 1st category (even though some of it probably still technically does)#i automatically freak out over it potentially sharing some similarities w the 2nd kind which i KNOW like logically know isnt true.#and in fact its what exists in the vague middle that is the most popular kind of rpf and can range from Bad to seriously impressive#and i guess literary to use your analogy. and like. maybe thats fine. maybe my worst offense is having written a couple of thousand words#abt them having sex. and maybe they can handle that.#asks#cactus anon#sorry for how obscenely disgustingly disturbingly long this is holy shit i need to relax. but i think ive FINALLY articulated what i mean
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First off, I loved the Coldplay reccomendations. Every song has been a 10/10.
I’m sure you’ve already done this, but do you have any reccomendations for Hozier?
i love asks like this and i ABSOLUTELY have hozier recs, probably more than with coldplay so buckle up
take me to church - it's the classic hozier song. it will tear you apart. it will build you back up again. i cannot believe there was a point in time when people were CASUALLY jamming to this on the radio at breakfast or some shit
nina cried power - holy shit i adore this song. hozier my feminist king <3
dinner and diatribes - this one is so catchy like if i listen to it once it will be stuck in my head for the rest of the week. @verdanthoney however had some THINGS to tell me about it and now i'll never listen to it the same way
angel of small death and the codeine scene - listen im not good at committing to things like this but AT THE MOMENT i would say this is my favourite hozier song. the CHORUS holy fuck i ascend every time
someone new - my friend who doesn't listen to hozier likes this one and always plays it in the car so it feels very happy and summery to me :)
work song - just. the lyrics. i've had to sit down and stare at a wall over these lyrics before
like real people do - besties have i ever mentioned that i can play this on guitar? because i can play this on guitar. i just thought you should know. that i can, ahem, i can play this on guitar
cherry wine - this was the song that made me fall in love with hozier
in the woods somewhere - it just feels so ominous. the musical version of that moment before a really horrendous storm breaks. i can't explain the way this makes me feel
nfwmb - i used to listen to this when writing YEARS ago, back in that coffee shop i've told you guys about and way before fanfiction was even an idea in my mind. it's very relaxing to me, but the lyrics - as ever with hozier - are also really cool
arsonist's lullaby - zuko song zuko song zuko song another of my original favourites when i first got into hozier
okay i'll stop now bc that's a lot but yeah! i love this man! go feral!
#asks like this are the best bc it's specific enough that i can fully just get passionate and ranty without it being messy#i'm glad u liked the coldplay recs!#ask#music tings
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pls tell me more of ur fic pet peeves
K OSMFKS OKAY MAN. man. HSDBBSJDJS
so i have like. a FUCK ton of pet peeves for fics, and i just wanted to say first that fanfic should not be placed in any boxes or standards because it is freely written and it is something meant to be enjoyed. these are my opinions and all peeve me to only a certain degree (meaning it squicks me out at worst)—so if you are a fic writer and you find yourself doing any of these things, do NOT take it to heart and just know i love you for doing what you do and i wish you all the best ♡
im gonna give reasons why certain things peeve me so i dont just sound like im bitching but generally, when reading ANY fics, i dislike the ff:
- long paragraphs with no breaks. bro i have adhd i cant go through all of this im going to get LOST.
- underlining, bolding, italicizing, AND capitalizing statements for emphasis like sir its chill i think i get the point. imho if you wrote your scene well enough and paced it properly, the most you'll need is an italics and maybe an exclamation mark. u gotta trust ur own writing and the reading comprehension of your audience.
- jittery perspective jumps especially when its fic about characters who use the same pronouns and youre constantly shifting the thoughts being presented. it... gets kinda confusing.
- FIRST PERSON POV. ITS NOT BAD I JUST GET SO JARRED BECAUSE SASUKE UCHIHA IS DOING WHAT TO ME??
everything else like grammar and punctuation and spelling is literally just. whatever. like as long as i get your point i really dont care. sometimes writers dont speak english fluently. sometimes writers just fuck up and dont have betas. sometimes writers just post their chapters at 3 am and leave all their mistakes out for god. i have no right to judge.
for personal bnha fic pet peeves, ig most of my annoyance lies on characterization and my own personal beliefs
- i already said it previously but i cannot STRESS how much i dislike the whole "fuck redemption arcs and fuck all authority figures except LoV for some reason" theme. it annoys me and i just flat out dont agree with it
- HATE tropes that reduce deku to being like 🥺👉👈 uwu okie soft helpless bean. theres nothing wrong with it if thats how you prefer deku, but i just get annoyed by it
- ANYTIME BKDK HAS AN UNEQUAL DYNAMIC. again. nothing wrong with exploring it in fanfiction. i just dislike reading fics that make either deku or bakugou blatantly weaker than the other. i love quirkless deku fics but i hate ones where he's also characterized as amounting to nothing and still acts like bakugous punching bag/okay with bakugou disrespecting him. their whole dynamic in canon is built on a great deal of respect
- speaking of bkdks power dynamic, FRICK GOSH I HATE SEEING FICS WHERE DEKU "realizes bakugous been abusing him for years!" and gets him expelled from ua and everyone claps. like. LIKE??? N. NO???? thats not how it works 😭
- all might slander. also unjustified or unnuanced endeavor slander where they dont tackle the complexity of his character. also also unjustified or unnuanced bakugous mom slander. this ones a bit controversial so i wont talk about it much.
- sexist homophobic or racist bakugou. im kicking that away. no. especially fics where bakugous past bullying is explained as "repressed homosexuality". i like making that as a joke but i genuinely do no believe in it.
- BAD MOM MIDORIYA INKO. ITS A TROPE I SEE SOMETIMES AND IT MAKES ME CRY I DONT HAVE A RATIONAL REASONING FOR IT I JUST LOVE INKO
- fics where ochako is obviously very reduced into a supporting figure with absolutely no dimension except being a supportive character and maybe having a shoe-horned wlw romance just for the sake of making her unavailable. shes my fave bnha girl and sometimes in fics i can literally FEEL her character being butchered to only show up when deku needs Love Advice. *note that this only applies when literally every other male character has something else going on for them and its just the females being sidelined into Boy Advice Givers and Talking Sense.
- fics that very obviously belittle asian principles and culture. family means a GOOD DEAL to a lot of asian cultures and fics that spout "if you dont like your family then leave and find your own! its that simple!" usually sound incredibly ignorant or outright claim moral superiority to the weight of familial bond in asian culture. same with manners, respect, and discipline.
- jeALOUSY/CHEATING FICS OK IM SELFISH I ONLY WANT BKDK TOGETHER LIKE IM DEKUBOWL ONLY SOMETIMES BUT BKDK ALWAYS HAS TO END UP TOGETHER
- "murdering is ok if its characters i hate 🥰" ... listen, you do you bestie but like. no thanks. if i wanted to read about mineta getting murdered by momo with a pistol i dont think id be opening a bkdk soulmarks au
- any dekusquad slander 😭 i love them okay
- *kicks mean/bakugou-hating todoroki out the door*
- *kicks 'all mha characters text, talk, and behave like 14 year old stan twt users (no offense ok i speak like that too)' fics out the door*
- *kicks bratty deku and/or bakugou out the door*
thats. all i can think of atm.
#asks#cat#long post#bkdk#i have. thoughts on things.#this will be one of the only times i guess ill discuss my opinions
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Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤
mittens!!! loml!!
1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)
oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)
2. Why do you write fanfiction?
OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way.
point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer.
plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself.
3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?
i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA
also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?
but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭
6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?
plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO
and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace.
OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!
16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?
mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah
(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)
27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?
oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh.
but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time.
there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with.
its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world.
29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?
yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA
33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?
hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES
but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA
also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance!
35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!
aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)!
but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...
writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.
ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)
BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh.
shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr.
this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH
anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))
pick my brain!
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I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed
Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:
keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.
The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:
- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)
-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose
- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try
But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.
0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.
1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.
Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.
I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is
2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.
There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.
The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.
So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.
At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.
fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.
Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”
If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.
Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.
And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.
Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao
Antiblackness
Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.
FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....
Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.
Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.
There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.
ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that
It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.
These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.
Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao
Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.
Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.
It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility
Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.
This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.
There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.
additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.
Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...
We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.
That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.
HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:
a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?
These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.
Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.
History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)
Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)
Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:
Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!
Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3
#history 4#history 4: close to you#i told sunset about you#a thot#tharntype#lovely writer#bl fandom#idk#lol#long
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Hi i love your blog and your posts about the show and I just saw your one about sense8, which is also one of my fave shows!! I saw you mentioned having a ton of side blogs for other hyperfixations and I was wondering if you'd share your other blogs? I have a feeling I'd be highly interested in following all of them lol :) ty!
OH GEEZ WHY THANK YOU BUT P L E A S E DONT JUDGE ME FOR THE SHEER AMOUNT OF SIDEBLOGS I AM ABOUT TO LIST (you will)
@scarlettsoldier -my marvel blog that I’ve had forever
@clearskiesandmistyeyes -my main I made when I was like 12 or 13 but don’t have the heart to change the url even though it’s cringy
@polymarinelove -my siren sideblog that I keep even though I am extremely angry at how the show ended (s1-2 they are my soft ot3)
@adultingmadeeasy -my adult knowledge and hacks sideblog
@wlwenergies -for when I’m feeling gay lol
@lovelyvalkyries -for when I’m feeling my witchy vibes again
@homo-sensorium -my sense8 sideblog
@cirillafromcintras -my witcher sideblog (and y e s I refuse to believe jaskier is mortal. they did not age him so you cannot take that headcanon away from me. he will not die.)
@sapphicthirteenthdoctor -my doctor who sideblog (yes I ship thasmin but who doesn’t)
@courtneys-whitmore -my DC shows sideblog (supergirl occasionally, batwoman, and stargirl which I love)
@jakeperaltaisbi -my b99 sideblog
@villanevelove -my killing eve sideblog
@lesbiabrobin -my stranger thinks sideblog
@angelicearps -my wynonna earp sideblog
@mandalorianson -my mandalorian sideblog
@dumbasshusbands -my good omens sideblog
@joannabharvelles -my supernatural sideblog
@pansexualmazikeens -my lucifer sideblog
@wonderisawoman -wonder woman sideblog because I’m gay and weak for diana prince
@softesthufflepuff -my hp sideblog but fuck jkr
@themediumplaces -the good place sideblog
@sallysreeds -my brother and I watched barry once (once) and I’m WEAK for sally reed
@shemadethewish -the ot3 fanfiction I used to write for stuckyxoc lol
@thenightwitchfic -an epic historical bucky fanfic that I have a thought out Pinterest board for but have barely actually wrote
@themostbeautifultragedyfic -based off of a short story that was supposed to be four pages but ended up being ten I wrote in high school and am determined to make into a series one day. it’s about two souls since the beginning of time (or mesopotamia) that are constantly reincarnated and find each other again no matter what civilization, race, religion, or gender they might be. most recent reincarnation is sapphic. see my pinterest board for it here:
@historyposting -all my history refs
@charliesot3 -yes the most recent charlies angels was gay I don’t make the rules
@fortsalem -I GOT THE BEST URL FOR BEING ONE OF THE FIRST IN THE FANDOM AND IM SO PROUD OF THAT. my second most popular blog behind this one. fort salem is gay and women centered and extremely diverse so please watch it. it got renewed for a season two
@katarabi -katara was my first female crush
@sapphic--adora -my she-ra sideblog
@theolderguards -my tog sideblog
@bisexualcillian -when I binged the librarians
@wlwavatrice -warrior nun is gay and I love it
@bisexualnimue -my cursed sideblog. pls renew it for a season two it can’t end like that.
@iwanttotraveltheworld -places I want to travel
@thisiswhytheworldisonfire -stuff that I used to post on my adulting blog but there was so much angry posting and political posting that there was no more adulting stuff so I had to make a new blog for my political and social activist anger
@enola-alone -enola holmes stole my heart
@editinspos -all the edits I want to make primarily for the leverage ot3. I used to just keep them in my drafts on this blog but then it just clogged up my drafts.
@julieandherphantoms -JATP. GO WATCH IT. IT NEEDS TO BE RENEWED.
@thehauntingofnetflix -bly manor got me fucked up. I cried the last thirty minutes of the show despite knowing how it ended well in advance.
AND THATS ALL I PROMISE
#I already know cat judges me so pls don’t judge me too#I JUST LIKE TO BE ORGANIZED OKAY#I’m probably gonna make more eventually#I wonder what the limit is#Jackie has too many sideblogs#sideblogs#about me#Jackie is stressed#also @staff get my messages function back pls I wanna message my friends#finally going through my asks#after a million years#mine#I have to go to work now bye
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Ok. So I.m just gonna make up my own theories so that I’d feel better about what L did. I don’t wanna feel bad but I do. Can’t help it no matter how I push it aside. Since L seems to be a bottom, I will just think that she blames us for looking like a top. She said she does not adhere to the masculine role, not that there’s anything wrong with it. Maybe she likes to be viewed as the pursued. Let C be the pursuer. Dont hate me, Im just rambling to make sense of this. //
Even when it have nothing to do with sex, you guys make it about sex. There is no correlation between been masculine and be a top, it just a sexist vision. Shockingly, a “masculine” woman can be a bottom, because, surprise, there is no correlation between apparence/social behavior and sexual predilections. And Lauren comment wasn’t even about it, it was about social perception, about how people saw her as agressive and predatory(and again there is no correlation between be masculine and be predatory). Are tops agressive and predatory? No. If Camila is a top, is she agressive and predatory towards Lauren? No. And tops don’t pursue shit in sex, actually no one pursue nothing in sex because sex is literally about fucking, not pursuing. And not every lesbian couple needs to have a “man and a woman”, two femmes can date, are you undestand? Because by your binary logic, camila isn’t a top either because she isn’t masculine.
And by the way, management never sell Lauren as masculine, they sell her as a alt bad girl, but she alway used make up, and “girl clothes(even if it was leather jackets and boots)”, by the same time they tried to convince us that she as a bad girl they also tried to convince us she was straight so, here go your theory.
You guys can write fanfic whatever you wants, there is no problem in that, but especulate how they fuck IN REAL LIFE in a place where evebody can read is another level. And I know that Lauren is public person, but if you guys really watched the whole interview(what I am pretty sure that a lot of guys don’t) you would saw that Lauren don’t like when people especulate about personal matters.
___
First of all, thank you very much for using my inbox to tell us your theories, I agree with almost everything you have mentioned except a small detail and I hope it does not bother you or anything is just my opinion.
About what she said about Lauren, the fanfiction writers who describe Lauren in that way are only based on a vision of the bad girl, I don't know if masculine but it doesn't represent that to me at all. Lauren is the way she shows herself and she has nothing masculine at all, quite the opposite. But you also have to take something into account. All human beings have both energies, the feminine and the masculine. This is how I see it, not as an appearance. Appearance is more subjective, you can dress as you please and be someone completely different, but energies are something else. It's what you feel. In the case of LGBT women, there are some of them who have more masculine than feminine energy represented in them and others that are the opposite, but they are still women who like other women and are still lesbians. I don't know if I like the term butch even though it exists but even if that is there, they are still women who love other women only that they have their masculine side activated more than the feminine. Such as a woman who can be femme and where everyone can believe that she is heterosexual but like women.
Heteronormativity is so ingrained in the collective unconscious that you cannot take it out of the equation because there always has to be a penis in the middle, literal or figurative. And that does not correspond. Because if a woman likes another woman, she doesn't need a phallus in the middle because she doesn't like it.
Fucking Freud
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The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit
the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!
prompts + answers under the cut!!
INTRODUCTION
Name: aloera
AO3 account: aloera
Fandoms you write for: bnha
How many stories have you written so far: 19
FANFICTION PROFILE
What's your favorite fandom to write for?
hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D
What's your favorite character/person to write for?
bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3
Fic you'd want to improve?
probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo
Hardest fic you've written?
between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD
Easiest fic you've written?
come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it
What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written?
also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction
first line of the first fic you've ever written and published.
[not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me
Have you ever done a collab with another writer?
yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best
Do you beta?
if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao
Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges?
depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!
FANFICTION PREFERENCES
Fluff or angst?
definitely fluff
"OCs" or "Reader" inserts?
reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently
Blurbs or drabbles?
blurbs!!
One thing you love about fanfiction
i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice
One thing you don't like about fanfiction
most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it
What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors?
IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!
bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns
voltron:
hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,
and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much
these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!
What is your favorite trope?
secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3
Least favorite trope?
hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it
A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love?
coffeeshop aus,,,, so good
Do you have a type when it comes to pairings?
the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck
Favorite setting/au?
hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!
Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context.
“He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”
the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.
this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.
Favorite trope/genre to write?
again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!
A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge?
idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge
The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why
probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out
Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics?
shorter!! low attention span gang <3
Ideal length to read?
5-10k?
Ideal length to write?
4-8k!!
How long was the longest fic you've ever written?
control fraek is around 28k i think?
Have you ever written an AU?
yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)
What's your favorite AU trope?
hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc
Have you ever written smut?
yeah!! was. difficult tho
What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading)
fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3
If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be?
maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!
Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing?
i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd
WRITING STYLE
How would you describe your style?
i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!
Describe your style in three words
romcom but fanfic
Favorite words to use when writing?
the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!
Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc)
dialogue tags!!!
Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them)
again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched
Long sentences vs short vs a mix
short <33
What colors would you use to describe your writing?
hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.
What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing?
think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."
What kind of metaphors do you rely on?
religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!
What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time?
definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't
Do you prefer to write by hand or to type?
i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block
What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)?
laptop!!
What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)?
google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting
Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing?
ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts
Do you listen to music to help you write?
yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D
Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)?
mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!
How long does it usually take for you to write?
again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.
What's your favorite font to use when writing?
times new roman my beloved
Other writing habits?
sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing
CONCEPTUALIZATION
How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.)
i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.
Which comes first: the pairing or the plot?
with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense
Have you ever used a prompt?
yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell
Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea
definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment
Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character?
a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love
Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)?
most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)
Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it?
lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all
Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing?
probably krbk secret relationship lmao
Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected?
yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with
Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected?
again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!
PROCESS
How do you come up with titles?
in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like
What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers?
i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up
What's your favorite emotion to write?
lovelovelovelovelovelove
Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written?
never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort
Do you write in order or whatever comes to you?
in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget
Usual way you procrastinate while writing?
...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh
Do you outline or free write?
i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later
Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)?
yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D
What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want?
to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.
for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!
What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now?
def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!
How do you start a story?
establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men
How do you end a story?
either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society
How do you get out of writer's block?
change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh
Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there?
i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)
How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc?
bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it
PROGRESS
Do you usually like what you write?
yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj
Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways?
nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted
Do you find yourself rereading your writing often?
yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!
Can you tell us anything about your current WIP?
sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)
Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP?
“You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.
“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.
“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”
His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.
Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.
The last line you've written
Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.
It’s not enough.
Open a wip. what’s the first line?
Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.
INSIGHT
What's your favorite thing about writing?
touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy
How do you keep yourself inspired?
this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!
What is your favorite thing to write?
just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!
What do you think your strengths are in writing?
i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj
i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!
What are things you wish you could practice more?
on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue
One way you've improved your writing since you began?
characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling
One aspect of writing you're still working on?
writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.
A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing
saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D
A bit of writing advice you can't stand
when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell
Something you wish you knew when you first started writing?
,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!
Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing
there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D
#AHH ive wanted to answer these for so long...... bro fr i was so happy when u sent these!!! like wow!! finally got sent one!!!#sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise#asks#anon#a(lore)a
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this post was not one that was very premeditated. when i made this blog i had no intentions on criticizing any specific writers on their styles outside of individual works. however, one writer has a specific writing style that prevents me from finishing any of their stories more than once. so, i decided to tackle it all in one go instead of trying to trudge through three whole multi-chapter fanworks, one of which is honest to god over a million words. i had a word-for-word plan for what i was going to say in this post at one point, however due to the fact that i am the only one i've ever met with impeccable timing i got a call from my girlfriend right as i was gearing up to sit down and write this post and forgot every fucking thing i was going to say, and then when i finally wrote it i proceeded to procrastinate on editing it for half a year, so this post is literally so unplanned that any plan that might have existed has been consumed by the void. but!! i'm doing it anyway, and not even i can stop me!!
This is the thing about Unda
featuring M.C. Escher that's my favorite MC, Dayhve's Broken Diamond Club, and Alternate Universe by Unda
((spoilers, obviously))
The thing that all these stories have in common, besides being written by the same person of course, is that at some point while reading i got sick and fucking tired of them and couldn't push myself to keep going. For mc escher, it was during my reread when new characters with new relationship dramas were presented right at what i thought would be the climax, causing the story to drag on for longer after i thought that the story would be wrapping up. For DBDC, it was when sollux made a stupid decision during a confrontation with the FUCKING condesce, which i knew was going to delay the ending of the story for even longer, because he was obviously going to get captured, which would probably lead to a decent amount of the rest of them getting captured and then whoo dee fucking doo time for jailbreaks/rescue attempts. I then attempted to reread it, only to stop right when dayhve finds out about the mutant chucklevoodoos because this story is genuinely so long that prolonged amounts of time reading it has effects on my mental health ((i honestly will not blame unda for this one, it's just proof that they're good at writing emotional turmoil and mental health struggles)). For AU it was fairly fucking early, when the dramatic scenes with satan himself popping out of the actual fucking moon and then karkat confronting aradia who is literally the embodiment of death about getting sollux back all lead to a goddamn roadtrip at the end of the world. This was where i drew the line because i could just fucking tell that it was going to drag on into infinity.
These stories are fucking LONG, okay?? They are incredibly, beautifully, wretchedly long. When i first read DBDC i had a game going with my parents where we'd guess what chapter we thought i was on and compare it to where i actually was, and every time it was under ten despite the amount of words i just read leading my tiny little brain to believe otherwise.
In my personal opinion?? These stories cannot and should not go on for longer than what one would think to be the final climax, for the sake of their own lifespan. Because at some point one of these false climaxes are going to make people really fucking overwhelmed, really fucking tired of your shit, and/or really fucking pissed. These stories are primed and ready to collapse under their own weight and it is a sad fucking sight, like that video of the morbidly obese chiweenie i saw. They drag on for so long that at some point you stop forgiving the characters' idiotic decisions and just want things to get to the fucking point.
Now i didnt come here just to rag on unda's writing, believe it or not despite their overwhelming nature i genuinely really like these stories. They just drag on and on and on, and get more convoluted and confusing the longer they go.
But doesn't that sound familiar?? Haven't you read a story in the past, written by someone else, that did the exact same thing??
That's right baby, we are getting meta up in this bitch. I didnt come here just to talk about unda, no, i came here to use unda as an example. We're talking about fanfiction as a whole and the problem with a whole lot of fics. Namely that they just do not know where to stop. These crazy trains have no fucking breaks and everyone is scrambling trying to build some. Then they get half welded on before the conducter says "oh no, that's not right." So they just keep welding on more and more parts and sometimes it works, but at other times it completely breaks under itself, and at other other times it becomes a whole entire goddamn computer inhabited by a fully sentient ai before anyone can figure out how to stop the fucking train.
A lot of stories are like this, in that they drag on and waffle about. This is often caused by people taking a writing formula that works better for slice of life, where things just happen and the characters are just along for the ride, and applying it to big overarching stories. They try to make the plot with a big bad and extremely high stakes fit into this type of pacing, and it starts feeling like each arc is incredibly disconnected. You aren't done with your characters, and you have more ideas for conflicts, so to keep things going you have to keep cranking the stakes higher and higher. Then your reader starts wondering how we went from supernatural college au to Let's Go Kill The Devil, and why the fuck we're spending extra time and attention on a roadtrip when the literal devil just showed up and committed at least three separate war crimes. It's a constant rising and falling of the momentum, big crazy climactic things happen and then suddenly we're slowing down again to build up the next Big Thing.
The problem with this is that eventually you get to a point where no ending you come up with will feel very satisfying, because your reader has been strung along for such a long time that they'll probably feel more like they just ran a marathon trying to get away from a hoard of angry snakes than like they read a story. Unda is a more extreme example, because their standard chapter length and the sheer amount of chapters poured into each story makes a task that is normally kinda frustrating feel like pushing a boulder up a mountain for eternity. These sorts of stories are hard to keep up with when they're delivered in fairly bite sized chunks, but when you deliver your story in four course gourmet meals it just gets actively draining watching a character make another decision that leads to more plot and more relationship drama and more development and always fucking more. There's no ceiling on creativity but this stuff makes me wish there was sometimes, because then maybe these stories would get to a point where they didn't have anywhere else to go and so they'd end sooner on a more satisfying conclusion.
I think the solution to these sorts of conundrums would be splitting these stories over multiple works. Conclude one plot, finish the story, move on to the next using the same characters and premise from where the first work left off and keep going. It might lead to some cliffhangers every now and again but cliffhangers arent so bad when you know there's more to come, and it'd help people not get completely fucking lost.
I know it sounds like im getting on unda's case with all the vitriol of the literature version of Ego from ratatouille, and i know that some people write for fun and others write for practice. I don't know which category unda falls in, but either way when you post something on the internet it's gonna be perceived. I treat both types of writing the exact same way because examining a for fun story with the same analytical eye as i would use for a story that was written with the intent of receiving constructive criticism leads me to find examples of things that work and things that don't, which i can then dissect and share on the internet for people who want to improve to learn from. Experimentation is the root of progress after all, and stories written for fun tend to be full of that sort of stuff, so taking a closer look helps progress storytelling as a whole!! It's a learning experience. Above all, it's fun to tear stories apart, and fanfiction is especially fun because you don't have to spend the emotion to get invested and judge new characters that you've never seen before. I am in no way saying unda should upheave their entire style of writing, or that their stories are shitty. I am actually a pretty big fan of unda's work!! I hope to see more writing from them, in whatever form it takes, and i will gleefully dissect it all the same.
#homestuck#homestuck fanfic#fanfiction#fanfiction critique#the thing about writing#<- made a tag for whatever the fuck this is because i know damn well its gonna happen again#i had a characteristic ramble in the tags but it disappeared and i dont remember half of what it said#something about why i havent posted since last year#honestly im sick of looking at this because im starting to get the urge to rewrite it completely#and i do NOT want to do that#so im just sending it out into the world as is#i hope my points come across well and that my overuse of my weird humor doesnt come off as too mean spirited#godspeed my shitty tumblr post. godspeed.
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My Immortal is the quintessential piece of bad fanfiction, a story so notorious that the very concept of badfic immediately brings up mention of it in virtually any circle. Much like a discussion about bad movies inevitably breaks down into someone screaming quotes from The Room into the middle distance in a terrible impression of an even worse accent, My Immortal is a guarantee whenever bad fanfiction comes up. It’s risen above the entry-level masterworks like My Inner Life and “the Goku/Anne Frank” fic, and with its sheer fame completely obscured the deep cuts of a 4 AM fanfiction.net binge where you learn things about yourself that you were much better off not knowing. Regardless of a person’s fandom or even how into fanfic they are, they understand the story to be the utter distillation of everything terrible about fanfic. There is something for everyone, whether the dark specter of a writer’s own teenage shames or something to cackle quotes from and spiral off into dramatic readings of. No fanfic has ever united people across barriers of fandom so easily.
And it’s all a lie.
Several months ago, I wrote a rather long-winded explanation of how My Immortal is not the creation of a teenage girl embodying the very worst in fanfic writers, but in fact the most masterfully-constructed piece of troll fiction ever conceived, which has, for going on nine years, managed to fool the internet at large into believing it completely genuine. But I was left unsatisfied with the initial result, which didn’t delve as deep as I would have liked into the points it raised, and missed quite a few important parts. So I’m making a second pass on the, hopefully concisely enough that I don’t need to make a third, because after writing a second essay about My Immortal, heaven knows I’m miserable now.
Special thanks to oisiflaneur for proofreading this 14,000+ word monster.
Preamble: People Who Are Young And Alive
For the purposes of best understanding everything I’m about to talk about, I suggest going and reading My Immortal first. ‘Context’ might not be the best way to explain what you’ll get by knowing what I’m referring to, but familiarity with the source material will make this a much easier read. Due to it having been long-since purged from fanfiction.net, you can find it reposted across the internet, in particular here. It is quite a read and I greatly reccomend it, although I do so as somebody who has read through countless times and liked it enough to write thousands upon thousands of words about it.
However, it’s certainly not an easy read for some people due to its clusterfuck of misspellings and incomprehensibility, so in addition to the quotes and excerpts I will provide to illustrate my points, I will briefly give a quick rundown of the major players in our tale.
Our heroine, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way’s own words sum up her existence better than I ever could:
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
This paragraph is the first of the story, and it is also the longest of the story, saying so much and yet so little about our protagonist. We know almost nothing of the personality that she is alleged to possess, but we do know that she wishes to be familially related to Gerard Way because she finds him attractive, and presumably has an incest kink that will never be touched upon again in the story. The rest of this thesis will touch on all of the other woeful elements of this monstrous violation of ‘show, don’t tell’, but now you have the definitive look at who and what Ebony is.
Ebony is in love with Draco Malfoy, who save for a few minor elements remains largely unchanged in My Immortal. The same cannot be said for Harry “Vampire” Potter;
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.
If nothing else, it’s certainly a nice change from the usual traits about his mother’s eyes and taped-up glasses. In this story, Harry goes by ‘Vampire’; he used to date Draco Malfoy and they got tattoos with each others’ names, he is gothic and now part of Slytherin for reasons never elaborated upon – these two traits go hand-in-hand for every character in the story– and resembles the lead singer of Good Charlotte for some reason. Thankfully, our author also notes that the character who was born, raised, and lives his entire life in Great Britain happens to have a “sexy English accent”.
“Satan” is the name that Tom Riddle went by when he was a Hogwarts student. In the 1980s. And gothic. We’ll touch on him a little later. There’s a lot of trainwreck going on here, in case you haven’t noticed.
The two meta players to what is one of the greatest internet performance art pieces ever created are our author Tara Gilesbie, and her best friend/beta reader Raven, noted in the story by her own self-insert Willow. I have a lot to say about these two, who are characters in their own ways and who the understanding of is vital to seeing My Immortal as something greater than it appears to be. Tara is a budding teenage writer, Harry Potter, and goth, who doesn’t like that people keep ‘flassing’ her story and threatens self-mutilation as retribution for it, because if there is one thing the mid-2000s internet was, it was caring and serious about such issues. She plays it rather loose with things like literary devices or the English language, as we shall see.
Part 1: Bigmouth Strikes Again – Matters of “Da Story and Spelling”
Upon reading My Immortal for the first time, one of the most egregious and clear issues with the story lies within the spelling and grammar: they’re fucking abysmal. You can see it in the author’s notes right away, and it slowly trickles into the story itself. It starts with ridiculous run-on sentences that seem more like lists than the placement of words into a coherent and complete thought, delivered in a halting and completely jarring cadence. Allegedly, Tara’s friend Raven is editing the story until chapter 15 – more on her later – but even under her tenure as beta, little slips become more frequent. The job of trying to edit something so terrible would certainly be taxing and likely require intensive rewrites of whole chapters at a time, and it’s understandable that perhaps someone would simply be past the point of being able to handle this, and would get sloppier in their job. Chapter eleven, where the author’s note explicitly stated Raven helped, contains of the most infamous and brilliant mistakes in the entire work; ‘Loopin’ 'masticating’.
Once Raven leaves as Tara’s editor, the story nosedives even further into a death spiral of spelling and grammar. Typos become common and any lip service paid to writing words out fully is discarded. Without a beta, we see the depths of Tara’s unfettered lack of shits given for her story to come off as anything resembling presentable. And it needs to be this way, because one of the hallmarks of bad fanfiction is being incomprehensible. Not quite as much as it once was in the days before My Immortal shook the scene up, but it’s a clear indicator of the writer being unprincipled and very young, which are all vital to the character of Tara. The story needs to be poorly written, because if it isn’t, a site like fanfiction.net which, let’s be honest, doesn’t have very high standards–or really any at all–won’t react with all the venom and vitriol the story is meant to induce. It would merely fly under the radar as another mediocre story in the ever-swelling Harry Potter section, which even years after the fandom has cooled off, still moves faster than any person can possibly read through completely. That’s why the author’s notes are so terribly formatted; the very first thing a reader will see upon opening the story is, “Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)”.
And it is that word 'goffik’, my darlings, that marks the first place in My Immortal where Tonstant Weader fwowed up.
Everyone who types regularly can see certain little flubs and bad habits develop in their words; muscle memory kicking them in the ass and accidentally writing an incredibly similar word, or having some consistent errors that come through very clearly. And she does have a few, such as “jacket” as “jackson” (chapters 26, 37, 41, 42) and “converse” as “congress shoes” (chapters 24, 39, 41, 42), but they are few and far between in a dizzying array of random misspellings as chaotic as the story itself. They’re just layered beneath what is already a no-shits-given typing style that was back then incredibly commonplace within the subculture presented in the story, but they can be made out clearly if looked for beyond using Z in place of S or 'da’ for 'the’.
The easiest case to make in this regard is with names. Nobody has their names consistently spelled correctly, but they aren’t even consistent in their incorrectness. Our main character, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, is referred to as Enoby, Enony, Egogy, TaEbory, Ebony, and Evony, among others. Hagrid’s name is spelled correctly a grand total of zero times, but can be noticed as Hargrid, Hairgird, HAHRID, Hargirid, etc. Is her boyfriend Draco, or is he Drako, Darko, or Drago? Voldemort has almost as many misspellings as he does appearances; Volfemort, Vlodemort, Volxemort, Voldemint, Volremot, and Darth Valer, to name a few. Sirius Black becomes Serifs, Series, Sodomize, Socrates, and my personal favorite, Spartacus. Professor Slutgorn, Cornelia Fuck, Dumblewhore, Preacher McGongal are also highlights.
But there’s perhaps too much convenience in how words become other words so easily. From Loopin’s mastication and the pointing of his womb, to being sent not to Azkaban but to Azerbaijan, to recording a sex tape on a caramel, to Dracon being hung like a Stallone, the story is littered with mistakes that seem almost too good to be true. Not all of this can be explained away as just a stray finger. Some of them defy keyboard logic in how they came to be, and somebody who could be that sloppy with a keyboard would be incapable of making sentences that could even be pieced together by someone intent on understanding what was meant by them, which as it stands is already how much of My Immortal is written. Sort of like Finnegan’s Wake, except the analysis of it is performed by significantly sadder people.
Matters like Azerbaijan and caramel might be explained away by spellcheck, if there was even the slightest evidence that Tara spellchecked any of this. It’s very, very apparent that she didn’t, because these passages are surrounded by misspellings that have gone unedited and unfixed, which means that she had to type out these words to the full extent manually.
Could it be some kind of celestial alignment that leads to there being so many absolutely perfect typos? It could be. But I believe that the typos not in fact the meanderings of someone who doesn’t care, but in fact a labour of love from someone who cares far, far too much. Poor typing habits and a lack of care for what’s being put down are hallmarks of bad writing, and My Immortal strives to push it to heights that become almost impossible for an actual human being to accidentally make. Words are put into the story that aren’t even in the same neighborhood as the ones they’re supposed to be, and names steadily spin out of control in ever-escalating insanity like a Fibonacci sequence from hell.
In the chapter 4 author’s note, Tara notes “her name is ENOBY nut mary su ok!” In chapter 12, hot off the heels of Loopin masticating is the line, “Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.” What are the odds that she misspells the words on the two occasions where it matters most? In particular the latter one, where you’d think she would bother looking the word back over first to make sure it wasn’t, in fact, misspelled. Raven doesn’t pick up on it either, even though as we’ll see later she is most certainly capable of spelling words properly. It highlights the character of Tara’s hubris and incompetence, that she points out that she spelled a word correctly when she in fact had not. Someone who cares enough to show up the haters mid-story, but not enough to make sure they’re actually doing so.
Accompanying the more clearly intentional mistakes is the steady clumsiness that grows with the word count. Misspellings become more prevalent and less attention is put into trying to look like words, and while the tipping point is certainly Raven rescinding her service as an editor, it’s also a measured and slow degradation. We’ll go over this in more detail in part eight, but it is rather damning that the story doesn’t just plummet right through the floor once Raven isn’t working on making it presentable, as it reasonably should. Instead, it s a careful and measured breakdown. For comparison’s sake, let’s take the opening of chapter 15, which is the final Raven-edited chapter before the breakup:
“Ebony Ebony!” shouted Draco sadly. “No, please, come back!”
But I was too mad.
“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.
And chapter 16, where their relationship reaches its peak and Raven has left as editor:
We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers
There are certainly a few more typos in this sample, and we see 'da’ and 'cuz’ slip through without Raven’s guidance, but overall they don’t seem too far apart. 'Volsemort’ is the only thing that is clearly down to a typo rather than laziness. But let’s jump into Morty McFli’s “tim machine” and see how chapter 26 opens:
A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.
“Hi Vampire.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.
“Oh fuck it!” Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!”
“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor.”
We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.
“Sire are dads have been shot!” Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “Enoby had a vision in a dreem.”
Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?
It’s night and fucking day. Raven’s presence was clearly not the only thing keeping Tara’s spelling in check, because she started off just fine without her, but somewhere along the next ten chapters clearly lost her way. But hey, just for comparison’s sake, let’s see if ten more chapters supports my claim. Chapter 36:
I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B’lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.
“OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111”
“Yah I no.” Serious said sadly.
“Oh hey there bitch.” Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.
Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”
“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped B’lody Mary. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”
“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry.
“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Willow.
“Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Enoby.” Darko said resultantly.
It’s almost difficult to believe they’re from the same story we saw twenty chapters ago, and it’s sure as hell not because Tara has improved her craft. Within the confines of the story itself, it seems so gradual that you might not even realize it, but laid out in chunks like that, can you really say it’s not someone trying their best to destroy as many words as they possibly can?
Part 2: It’s Gruesome That Someone So Handsome Should Care – Matters of Identity and “Goffikness”
At the very core of My Immortal is what Tara believes being a goth to be. From the very first sentence of the first author’s note we learn this fact, and the first paragraph in the story, which is also the longest, is devoted to showing that Ebony is as well. Whether or not one is a goth becomes the most important character trait for the entire cast and defines their relationships with one another. Throughout the story, we are regaled with all the evidence of band fandom and other ultimately superficial traits that assure us that these characters are indeed true goths. The only things that receive anything approaching description are the clothes Ebony wears, all black and leather and band t-shirts. Nothing matters more than being a goth.
In this strange world, Ebony’s lifestyle is supported in ways that are beyond belief. Merchandising is so invasively ever-present that you can buy just about anything branded with her interests. In chapter 38, Satan smokes a Nightmare Before Christmas cigar (over a decade before The Nightmare Before Christmas came out), capes can bear Avril Lavigne’s face on them without anyone raising an eyebrow, and cars have pentagram decals all over them. Although band t-shirts are perfectly normal – and if I’m anything to go by, having pretty much nothing but band shirts isn’t unheard of – Ebony also has a wide range of band-branded everything, like skirts that have 'Simple Plan’ written across her ass.
Ebony looks like Amy Lee, and any boy she thinks is attractive will invariably be compared to the lead members of bands she likes, because those positive associations are marks of her dedication.
In the world of My Immortal, being a goth or a prep is not down to musical choices and circles of friends, but instead a sweeping statement about where you fall in matters of good and evil. Everyone she approves of fits her lifestyle whether it makes sense for the character to or not, radically changing their personalities to fall into the box she wants them to. The Golden Trio, alongside Ginny and Neville all goth up and convert to Slytherin, because as the 'dark’ house it is the only logical place for goths to go be. She does not have any friends who aren’t goths, because to not be a goth is to a prep, and preps are evil. Preps have middle fingers put up at them when they do nothing wrong, because on mere principle they must be hated and despised.
Which forms one of the many problems with the plot, but one that is not specific to the madness of Tara Gilesbie. At almost no point do characters coded as preps actually do anything wrong. Britney is consistently insulted and called a 'fucking prep’ in every appearance she has as though 'prep’ is an earth-shattering slur. Her presence consists entirely of being in a room, sometimes with middle fingers put up at her, and in one case, singled out by Professor Trevolry to do extra homework, because Trevolry is a goff teacher, which means she punishes preps for being preps. The only time Britney does anything wrong is in the final chapter, when it’s revealed that she released Snap and Loopin from Azerbaijan.
Britney is also the only actually preppy character in the story. We know this because she wears pink and little else, due to the lack of dialogue or character shown. But other people are referred to as preps constantly, including Snoop, Lumpkin, and Valmont. As are everyone who criticizes the story. We receive no indication for these, and often they are completely baffling for how decidedly un-preppy these characters truly are, but it’s vital to the narrative and the division of the cast that everyone Ebony does not approve of is a prep.
It’s not an uncommon attitude among teenagers, especially those with interest or belonging to subcultures out of the approved mainstream, to draw lines and assume everyone who falls into divisions other than them are inherently opposed to them. The idea that anyone who isn’t different must assume that difference is bad is so pervasive that it often comes to define works of fiction taking place in high school, even when written by grown-ass adults, because it provides cheap and easy conflict. Most teenagers grow fairly quickly out of this, but because of its convenience as a device, it persists. Tara is far from the only person to ever believe this, but the degree to which she takes it is a little further than most do, lumping the world into only two categories, but defining 'them’ as a one-dimensional army of preps even when they’re the opposite of preppy.
Which makes it an incredibly mockable and therefore desirable angle to write her plot through, doesn’t it?
Once again setting herself up for incredible failure is the fact that she’s completely off the fucking mark about what a goth is. With favorite bands ranging from My Chemical Romance, Evanessence, and Linkin Park, to a bizarre interest in pop punk through Simple Plan and Good Charlotte, her taste in goth music is a lot like her taste in klezmer; it doesn’t fucking exist. This is not the musical taste of a broody, dark goth, it’s the stock standard taste of a teenaged rock fan in 2006, which is exactly what it’s supposed to be. To believe this is all to be pure, gothic music is to be so disconnected from the entire concept of the goth subculture that Tara would have to have not even given it a cursory Googling to discover what sort of music goths listened to.
This 2006; 'emo’ was already a word so pervasive that it was insufferable, but had TaEbory identified as emo, she would have lost one vital piece of the puzzle. Merely being wrong or incredibly forward about one’s identity isn’t enough; she had to be both simultaneously. Her fervid defense of what it is to be a goth, paired with being so off the mark, turns her into a hypocrite and a fool, a strawman whose every word is only making worse her whole case. It makes her stand out as a special and egregious case, an author so wrong about everything and whose self-insert only looks worse off for it. And this is how My Immortal rose to the top of an ocean of mediocre, bad, and downright terrible fanfiction.
Dubious musical categorizations aside, another element of the gothicness that pervades the story is authenticity. Among the more snobbish and elitist of any subculture since the beginning of time, the desire to be seen as authentic and real is an incredibly pervasive element that My Immortal predictably lingers on quite heavily. “Poser” is a word loaded with as much venom as prep is, because in the false dichotomy Tara instills upon the world, to have airs of goffikness while not truly being a goff is just as evil as wearing pink is. Perhaps even more so, because these fakers are infiltrating her circles. When Tara and Raven cease being friends, Raven’s stand-in Willow is referred to as a poser. When Draco feels betrayed upon discovering that Voldemort has tasked Ebony with killing Vampire, he refers to her as a “poser muggle bitch”.
While we can’t hold My Immortal to a rigid understanding of proper Harry Potter canon, it does explain a lot about Tara’s worldview. Draco Malfoy has spent his whole life of privilege being taught about the importance of blood purity by his parents, who — we’re all adults here, right? We can accept this? — are fucking wizard nazis. A lot of his early character is specifically centered around his beliefs on blood purity and his use of slurs like 'mudblood’ toward Hermione and dismissals of families like the Weasleys as blood traitors. Such traits are so surface level and blatant that even someone like Tara could pick up on them, which makes the inclusion of 'poser’ in his insult, a triple threat along with fantastical racism and straight-up sexism, into something very telling about just how important it is in her version of the Harry Potter universe to be seen as genuine.
You can’t simply become a goth, you have to already be one. You have to shop at the 'real goth stores’, which are known only to goths. Any attempt to learn of them is met with derision, because goffikness is not something you can attain, except for all the characters who are noted in their new backstories to have become goffs in their transfers over to Slytherin.
Simmering underneath this obsession with being seen as authentic, with a narrative that constantly asserts with very insecure undertones just how much Tara wants to be seen as a real goth, is how shallow her interests really are. She prattles off lists of the clothing she and her friends wear like she’s Patrick Bateman, a laundry list whose obsessive detail forms the only proper description anything in the story receives. And much like in American Psycho, the narrator’s obsession with clothes comes off as remarkably phony, a desire to fit in with a group they desire to be a part of through a series of checklist points, although while Patrick Bateman is deranged within the narrative, you must go one level of abstraction away from the character’s portrayal in the universe, to look on a metafictional level into the delusions of Tara to see where she gets it all so wrong.
We’re told in the narrative that Ebony is depressed and suicidal time and again, but despite slitting her wrists in lieu of an afternoon snack, we never truly see actual depression. She uses 'depressed’ in ways that don’t really make sense, such as to describe the movie Corpse Bride, coloured contact lenses, and makeout sessions. Chapter three even contains the passage, “'Hi Draco!’ I said in a depressed voice.” Given how wonderfully the entire world caters to Ebony and the fact Tara seems to not really understand what it means, it comes off not like Ebony is a character that actually has depression, but instead that since depression is gothic, she must therefore possess it. She isn’t somebody who wears black on the outside because black is how she feels on the inside, she just says she’s depressed because it’s all a part of the goth package.
As is Satanism, which Ebony is apparently an adherent of. Much like being depressed, a vampire, listening to Simple Plan, and being a Slytherin, it is vital to the gothic identity that you are a Satanist, even if you don’t know what Satanism is. That you sometimes refuse to acknowledge the words 'cross’ and 'god’. It’s so casually mentioned and without even the slightest bit of conviction that it feels thrown in by someone who doesn’t really care, but, once again, wants to fit in.
The end result is an all-encompassing, story ruining obsession with ensuring the reader know and believe that Ebony–and by extension the author she is an avatar of–is the most true and devout goth in the world. Setting herself up to be so very, very wrong on this account is an easy way to discredit Tara and add another layer of pure mockability to the story. She is truly the greatest poser of all, and her entire worldview comes crumbling down around her under the slightest scrutiny, all by design.
Part 3: Just a Miserable Lie – The Impossible Mistakes
This news may shock and surprise you, so make sure you are very securely strapped your seat.
My Immortal is not entirely consistent.
Certain little things creep out of the woodwork in both the narrative and off to the side, hidden amid all of the craziness around them, that I believe are little winks at the camera on the part of the author. Hints meant to clue you in as to the fact that this whole thing is, in fact, one big joke. A lot of them have gone rather unnoticed, it seems, but let’s start with the most noticeable of all.
In chapter 31, we meet Tom Bombadil. I’m not fucking with you, here, it really does happen.
Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1
Now, some of you may be asking who the balls Tom Bombadil is, and that is my point entirely. Deep in the first half of Fellowship of the Ring is god of the forest and walking filler arc Tom Bombadil, whose three-chapter appearance leaves most readers wishing for a violent end to existence for how long it all drags. For the express reason that his appearance is so incredibly pointless, he appears in no major adaptations of the series, which means for Tara to know about him, she’d have to read Fellowship of the Ring, a book that is done no favours by Tolkein’s incredibly dry and long writing style, not to mention an entire chapter chronicling the genealogy of Hobbiton.
To be a teenager at a reading level high enough to tackle Tolkein precludes you from being capable of doing something like My Immortal genuinely. Tara would know how words are spelled and that, hey, stories are considerably better when you give a quarter of a crap about typing them properly. The levels of literacy involved in Tom Bombadil and writing My Immortal are so far removed that these two traits are mutually exclusive, impossible for Tara to possess if she’s genuine. After all,
I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!
But wait.
Among the many baffling changes Tara makes to the canon, one of the weirdest and most damning to me is Professor Sinister/Trevolry/Sinatra/Siniater/Relory. This bizarre composite of professors Sinistra and Trelawny is a half-vampire, half-Japanese goff, and the only teacher in the school Ebony likes, because she dresses like her and assigns the preps extra homework, complete with a pun about doing an 'exorcise’ in the book. Her presence is bizarre, for being the only positive authority figure in the story, and for the utter perplexity involved in picking the two professors as a composite goth character at the expense of more conventional fanfic fodder like Snape and Lupin, who are both obviously villainous preps in this story.
Professor Trelawny is a strange choice whose incongruity I feel is another one of those expectation-defying twists meant to seem strange as an indicator to the audience where a more mainstream and believable choice would have been to romanticize Snape as so much of the fandom has, but the real headscratcher is Professor Sinistra. Her presence in the canon is entirely off-screen, mentioned by Hermione as a teacher for a course that Ron and Harry don’t take; she has no lines or purpose anywhere, and even in the movies is only a background character identified by virtue of there being an actress credited as her. Her absolute lack of lines makes her presence here troubling, because if Ebony’s reference base for this is the movies, where this dialogueless character coming from?
Of course, there’s also the aspect of how fluidly she switches between names bastardized off of the two professors which, unlike the matter of Hagrid being Cedric but not really, is so consistent and ever-present that it again seems like a level of sloppiness entirely beyond human capability. Two completely disparate names that are way too far removed to be keyboard fuckery, with bastardizations of both used in each scene she appears as though there is a quota on how many of each get used in a chapter for full effect. Because there absolutely is; here’s the introduction of the professor in chapter 24:
Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.
“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b’loody mry get along grate) She’s really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.
In the tweet-sized morcel from “well” to “Japanese”, Tara has already methodically sank this character’s introduction, making someone paying even the slightest attention to what’s in front of them look back up to that previous line to see if they lost something somewhere. Trevolry is used to refer to her next, and then Sinister again, which are the only four mentions of this character in the chapter. Tara’s handle on the chaos of her own story is perfect, and the entire existence of the professor in this chapter serves as a massive wink to the camera.
Also a strange decision is to note that Professor Sinister and B'loody Mary “get along grate”. They don’t interact, as is expected from a narrative that marginalizes everybody except for Ebony and her love interests, relegating all of the friends to satellite roles where they interact only with her, but it’s perplexing for the way it’s made note of out of nowhere. I feel it goes beyond a strange decision to include more female friendships in the background of her story, and serves as a one-two punch of running afoul of “show, don’t tell” and of the canon itself, as in the original series the teacher that Hermione clashes with the most, to the point of dropping the class altogether, is Professor Trelawny. And yet here they are, besties in gothhood. Another subtle note that indicates how carefully woven this entire mess is.
For someone with the reading comprehension of a microwave-made baked potato though, she has an oddly prescient view on the series endgame in chapter 42’s author’s note.
AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111
On one hand, the idea that Snap and Volximort are the same person is so unfounded and bizarre that you kind of dismiss what comes next, but despite retaining nothing beyond the most surface-level details about the canon, she somehow managed to make the connection of Harry’s abilities and scar as evidence of him being a horcrux. It’s not a massive leap, and many in the fandom saw it coming, but for someone whose grasp on the canon simply doesn’t exist, it’s suspect.
I’ve unfortunately already blown the “big deal of a revelation that is fairly obvious” joke, so I won’t bother setting it up again, but this revelation is genuinely a noteworthy one. Contained within My Immortal is one reference that is unambiguously and inarguably gothic. Not one of the borderline cases like Marilyn Manson where it depends on who you ask, but a genuine reference to a piece of gothic music. From chapter 28,
We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.
It’s so subtle and unexpected a reference that even if you know what it’s from, you may not pick it up. “Red velvet lines the black box” is a lyric from Bauhau’s 1979 song Bela Lugosi’s Dead, which is generally considered to be the very first gothic rock song ever written, thus making it the only genuinely gothic sentence in this entire tale. However, devoid of teenage angst or guyliner, it makes no sense that such a reference would be in the repertoire of somebody who believes that Marilyn Manson was a band from the '80s. In fact, it is impossible to believe that a Tara taken at face value would have ever so much as encountered the song, because the collision of matter and anti-matter annihilates both. However, it would be the fodder of somebody who, baffled at how easily people have accepted their work as a genuine offering, got bored and decided to throw a wink to the camera that couldn’t have possibly slipped under the radar.
Littered among the litany of showy, “look at how goffik” I am references to things, as though My Immortal were a PSA about the goth cred of Tara Gilesbie, are a few rather suspect notes. Tara is somebody who can’t mention certain names without indicating her undying hatred toward them, and yet,
“I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story.
We are apparently to believe that Tara, somebody who is so slavishly devoted to her identity and to a dichotomy that has coloured the entirety of a fictional universe, not only watched A Cinderella Story in spite of her hatred of Hilary Duff, but then drew a comparison to it in how she and Draco kissed? Drawing comparisons to things the author is interested in is a rather frequent amateur move for young fanfic writers who merely draw the blunt comparison to something rather than learning to describe the individual features themselves. Tara is not a good enough writer to describe the facial features of her favorite band leads, so she just mentions that people look like Gerard to indicate that the absolute pinnacle of human attractiveness is this.
The only comparisons she ever draws are to her favorite things, because it’s a way to prove that her life is so goffik that everything around her draws its existence from her interests. And yet she cites a Hilary Duff movie that she quite frankly should not have even seen, if she is so diametrically opposed to being perceived as a prep, which veering so far off of the beaten goff path and into would most certainly indicate. Something doesn’t add up about this.
On what I believe to be the intentional cliffhanger that chapter 42 ends on, we hear another mention of goffik cinema right before the very end of the story.
“Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried.
I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.
“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.
For those not in the know, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is a phenomenally bad direct-to-video monster movie whose sole claim to fame is in being so laughably bad that it’s found an audience in bad movie circles. And while one could make the fairly weak argument that on the basis of some super edgy “I love watching people dying” attitude, a movie like Shark Attack might appeal to Tara the same way slashers and gorn like Saw and “Hoes of Wax” appeal to her, it’s so bizarre in its sudden presence at the very end that I believe it yet another wink, but this time a more final one. The second-to-last sentence in the story makes mention to a notorious bad movie to draw the connection to the story, a final and overt declaration of a joke that you’re supposed to be in on. The last punchline before the music hits and Porky Pig bursts from out of the big drum to say, “That’s all folks.”
Part 4. What Difference Does it Make? - The Desecration of Canon
Calling out My Immortal for distorting and twisting the Harry Potter universe into something unrecognizable and monstrous is like calling out a bear for shitting in the woods, but it’s impossible to explain how carefully crafted a piece of perfect trollfic it is without examining just how many 'liberties’ Tara took with the canon.
All of the characters that Tara seeks to lionize convert to Slytherin, because apparently people can just do that if they decide they really like black lipstick. But that’s not enough to make them more 'like her’. Backstories are revised to include a quite frankly startling volume of sexual abuse backstories and characters secretly adopted by abusive parents. Vampirism is not a trait anybody received through the narrative, but instead a species inherited by birth that somehow, people don’t know they have, showing no signs or hunger, until they learn about their parentage. Characters all receive new, gothic nicknames like B'loody Mary, Vampire, and Diabolo.
What Tara has done is remove everything about the characters one may think noticeable about them in the slightest. Everyone now resembles Tara’s favorite artists. Harry’s iconic lightning bolt scar, a symbol of the series, has been changed by makeup and magic to instead be a pentagram, because that is a design change of her choice, visually reclaiming the character from Rowling. The only character whose visual traits at all line up with the canon is Voldemort.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic.
But then it gets stranger. Hagrid becomes a member of Ebony’s band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 and a “little Hogwarts student” (chapter 11). Although she appears to retcon that in chapter 12 with,
AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!
Although she seems to take a strange “whatever I want” approach to her own retcons like the most hackish of comic book writers, since we get in that very chapter,
Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.
Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.
“Enoby I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.
“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up preps like you.” I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.
Hagrid is in this canon simultaneously a pedophile and presumably grown-ass adult, but also a Hogwarts student who may or may not be Cedric Diggory, who not only survived the events of Goblet of Fire, but also managed to fail two years at Hogwarts to join Harry as a seventh-year. He is also a poser who is mean to Ebony for being 'gottik’, but is also in her gothic rock band which sounds like “a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR”, which as we all know would make it the most authentic gothic rock band since Mungo Jerry.
Except in chapter 14 a Death Eater is referred to as “the fat guy who killed Cedric” so maybe HAHrid really is Hagrid after all?
Then there is the odd decision to align Lupin and Snape as pedophilic voyeurs in the service of Voldemort while bizarrely championing Professor Trelawny, in stark contrast to a fandom that especially in the golden days of Harry Potter fandom, where people would dick ride Severus Snape all the way to the moon on the weight of how 'misunderstood’ he was. A pale man who seems conventionally 'dark’ in his interests and mannerisms is the perfect place to begin projecting on when you’re telling a story about how you’re the exact same things, but it seems almost too obvious a decision. Like the rest of Professor Siniater’s composite existence, she’s so odd a choice that it startles you, and I believe within that shock value is the decision to buck expectations.
A trip to the past begins to paint an even more bizarre picture, as apparently the parents of our heroes all went to school in the 1980s, alongside Voldemort and Hedwig. They were also all Slytherin goffs who at some point seem to have just turned into poser preps whose children had to re-convert out of Gryffindor and into gothhood. This timeline yet again causes a great many headscratching tears in the fabric of space and time, but the most vital and important of all is Hedwig.
In the canon, Hedwig is Harry’s owl, female and not much of a doer, speaker, or goth. But in the horrible alternate universe that My Immortal takes place in, Hedwig is a bisexual human male who is very much a goth, the ex-boyfriend of Tom Riddle, whose dumping of the boy starts his descent into becoming Volxemort. It is a change that is so wrong, so removed from not only the canon but from the possibility of anything ever being accurate to the canon, that it can’t be accidental. One cannot fuck up that badly by accident.
Voldemort himself is a great many things. In the past, he is Tom Riddle, gothic musician at Hogwarts and love interest to Ebony, but also Tom Bombadil, the master of wood, water, and hill. But in the present time, he is both the Bark Lord, as one may expect, but also potentially a young, thoroughly goffik employee at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade, Tom Rid. Tom Rid is described as “OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE“ and, like every other guy in the story, is “bisezual”. Tom Rid is never the setup for Voldemort’s secret infiltration of the goth subculture, but nonetheless seems to be a template earlier in the story for the later time travel storyline and Tom Riddle as a love interest. It’s another nonsensical “mistake” thatjust doesn’t mesh with any fathomable stupidity. It would be like introducing a character called Harry Pot and having him be completely disconnected from Harry Potter in any way.
Littered with iPods and anachronistic pop culture that manages to miss its mark in two different time periods, the only reason we know that this is the same world and not just one with suspiciously similar names is the fact that it’s fanfiction. Not a deep AU that interestingly adapts elements into a different world to see how they work out, or which shows characters and how they might develop under different circumstances. This is a mangled mess where muggle bands play concerts in Hogsmeade, seemingly well aware of wizards’ existence. There must be panic on the streets of London.
The big question is “why”. Why would somebody do this bad a number of canon, accidental or not? And the reason is simple.
Part 5. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want – Wish Fulfillment
By changing the context of everything except for the most basic connections of who the characters are 'supposed’ to be, they cease to be J.K. Rowling’s. They instead become Tara’s playthings. The canon is so distorted that it may as well not be fanfiction for how few things that remain intact, and yet it is vital that the world be the world of Harry Potter, at least nominally. Tara needs to turn a world that she loves, as off the mark as she may be, into a wonderland in which to self-insert, to mold into a countercultural paradise that centers completely around her.
We can’t speculate on the life of Tara – who this entire paper of course serves as a document meant to disprove the very existence of – but we can very clearly see the desires of this alleged person. Ebony is the single most important person in My Immortal, supplanting Harry as the only one who can kill Voldemort, whom every attractive character and even many unattractive ones profess their love to and fight for without provocation. Her interests are catered to on an unrealistic level and divine karmic justice makes those who sit culturally opposed to her suffer undeserved retribution solely for existing.
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is, even by those who see her as an entirely genuine creation, often held up as the ultimate self-insert. On top of very clearly existing as an author avatar who holds the exact same interests as her creator, her very presence distorts and twists the canon around her like an eldritch abomination tearing the very fabric of the reality she occupies. One of the more criticized elements of self-inserts in fanfiction is of course the ease with which a narrative becomes wish fulfillment for the author, and My Immortal has this in droves. Ebony is the most important character in the world not because she’s the protagonist or the narrator, but because she has supplanted Harry as the only person who can stop Voldemort, and whom everybody’s 'motivations’ center around.
Ebony is loud, angry, and has access to a time machine. When Ebony isn’t on-screen, all of the other characters ask, “Where’s Ebony?”
The love triangle between Ebony, Draco, and Vampire begins with Vampire solely wanting to reconnect with his ex-boyfriend Draco, but as the story goes on that element is lost and replaced with him instead lusting after Ebony, as evidenced by the time they had sex right in the middle of Hair of Magical Creatures. One of the only connections that two different characters had with each other is slowly replaced with an attraction to Ebony that they fight over, because everyone in My Immortal is defined by how Ebony perceives them. Their own attractions to one another take a backseat to their lust for Ebony, save for occasions where she permits them to have sex for her enjoyment, at which point it is presented as titillation for her.
Also among the characters with stated romantic interest in Ebony are Tom Rid, Hairgird, Snope, Lumpin, Tom Riddle, and Snaketail.
Everybody who has things in common with Ebony is Ebony, essentially. Every character is so interchangeable due to the pre-packaged identity she assumes is the only authentic way to be gothic that nobody feels like an actual character. Willow and B'loody Mary both occupy the role of female best friend for Ebony, save for a brief period where Willow is killed and Lupin has sex with her corpse before her resurrection one chapter later. In fact, the only time a character Ebony isn’t sexually attracted to is complimented is when she tries to lay on really thick her attempt to suck up to Raven in the hopes she’ll return to editing. The only difference between Vampire and Draco is how many times Ebony has sex with them, and that’s not getting into the masses of other goff guys who may as well be nameless, such as Diabolo (Ron), “Crab”, Goyle, and “Dracola” (Navel). In the past, Tom “Satan” Riddle proves to be just as generic a love interest as the other two, and then more faceless characters in Hades (“Serious Blak”), Lucian Malfoy, James “Samoro” Potter, and Hedwig.
Nobody has any character, save for Ebony, because they’re not meant to be characters, they’re meant to be imaginary friends for Ebony to play with, to fawn over her and have everything in common with her. If we buy into the belief that Tara is a rather lonely teenage girl who has apparently pushed away her only friend over a My Chemical Romance poster, then her decision to basically strip away everything that makes the Harry Potter world what it is so that she could rebuild it from the ground up into her gothic paradise makes a lot of sense.
Of course, she isn’t that at all, but first we need to look at all the other things that Tara is and isn’t.
Part 6. Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before – Raven
Fifteen-year-old Eternity Demen'tia Johnson warily took a seat on the Hogwarts Express. As she did so, she heard many giggles in the air. Ugh. Stupid preps. Eternity had hoped she wouldn’t see any when she came to Hogwarts. They had made her life in Los Angeles High School miserable. Now she was supposed to put up with them here? She sighed sadly, and stared out of the window. In her mistery, she took her iPod out of her Emily the Strange bag and blared on some My Chemical Romance (A/N: Don’t they rock?). Oh great. Now even more preps were giving her dirty looks. Eternity tried her best to ignore them. It wasn’t because Eternity was dirty or deformed or anything. Maybe it was something to do with her black leather corset, or her ripped black miniskirt or her black combat boots or the metal music she was listening to. Eternity hated how people judged her like that just because she was a goth.
The above is a snippet from I’m Not Okay, written by Tara’s friend Raven. And in it, you can see a lot of the same themes present in My Immortal. Anachronistic technology, a misunderstanding of what the goth subculture is, preps hating her on mere principle, authors notes spliced in mid-sentence to herald the glory of her taste, and more description offered up for her clothes than for anything else. Throughout I’m Not Okay, we see Draco Malfoy as the gothic love interest, comparisons of characters to members of bands the author likes, and canon Harry Potter characters becoming gothic and taking on nicknames like Dracula, Sea, and Darren.
Good sense and suburban decency run screaming at the sight of a dark name like “Darren”.
Rather than shit all over preps of her own design, Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger, two characters so far removed from the stereotype of an American high school “popular kid” that it’s almost infuriating, are turned into the superpreps to be hated. Slytherin is still so gothic a house that their common room password is “bleeding kisses” and the portrait is a woman described as the “splitting image” of the lead singer of Sisters of Mercy, an actual goth band whose frontman Andrew Eldritch is most certainly not a woman and not even particularly androgynous.
The same out-of-place theme of sexually abusive adopted parents that plagues My Immortal’s side characters returns in Eternity’s backstory. She sticks her middle finger up at preps unprovoked and veers off course to call out the shittiness of preps. Really, Eternity is in every imaginable way just Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way with a marginally better writer, as is to be expected from the editor of Tara’s disasterpiece.
The authenticity of Raven’s works isn’t in doubt, in my mind. It predates the memetic nature of My Immortal by a great deal, they co-wrote a story entitled Ghost of You that, again, features the exact same terrible tropes and bad ideas, albeit this time with Hermione Granger as the parentally abused goth hated by preps and now in love with Draco Malfoy, And, the fifth and final chapter of I’m Not Okay has,
a/n: TARA IS DA BIGGEST FUCKING BITCH EVERY AND BY THE WAY I’M A BIGGER MCR FAN AND GERARD IS MINE 4EVA SO FUCK U
Eternity was so happy. She went to class with the other fifth-years, Sea, Draco, Shadow, Darren, and Satan. That fucking retard Elvira (whose real name was Lindsay like that fucking ho Lindsay Loan) had gone all the way back to first-year and they put her in Gryffindor where all the retarde4d preps were because she couldn’t even write properly and she had to get her friends 2 do it for her.
Hot damn. That’s a far more scorching burn than being the offscreen victim of Lumpkin the necphilak.
Raven’s stories being the template for My Immortal is no coincidence. Tara aped everything she saw with gusto, imitating her friend who, while not a very good writer, could write sentences properly and gave description to things. Hell, as far as fifteen-year-old fanfic writers go, Raven is actually pretty decent, just entrenched in some terrible themes–again, pretty typical for teenagers–and does things like describe Eternity 'sadly putting her hair up’. On some level, Tara is trying to be as good a writer as Raven is. She looks up to her and, immediately after in a fit of anger killing off the character meant to be Raven, brings her back and guiltily sucks up to her with as many compliments as she can give.
Whether she is the same person as 'Tara’ or a friend in on the joke, I believe that Raven exists as sort of a proto-Tara, a precursor to the real juicy fun. Her story isn’t very good and she writes the exact same things Tara does with marginally more writing ability. They’re identical in every possible way, with the same interests, attitudes, and bizarre writing sensibilities. Almost no differences in the presented persona emerge, but as much as their obsessions with clothing and iconography bordering on disingenuous poserliness would imply that the pre-packaged nature of their identities is to blame, I believe it was all meant to deepen the character, provide a more grounded contrast to her and help make her seem more real.
Rather than existing as a nebulous beta reader who also has no prior internet history, existing solely through the character of Willow and authors notes that let their ongoing drama spill through into the story for us to see in what I feel is a brilliant piece of meta performance art, she has her own stories that make her very much a real presence in the extended saga of My Immortal. I believe that in the long term, she was meant to continue onward as a developing foil for Tara, someone whose existence helped back up her own. But, as evidenced by the way I’m Not Okay stops at chapter 5, which on the timeline of My Immortal would place it somewhere around chapter 16, this didn’t go as planned.
If “Raven” were a co-conspirator to “Tara”, it’s possible they got bored, didn’t have the insane devotion to a multi-layered and quite frankly absurdly deep prank. If Raven and Tara are one and the same, then perhaps the pressure of developing two 'different’ personas proved too much work, and decided to focus on the big one. After all, Raven’s stories are only notable through her association to Tara, the Art Garfunkel to Tara’s Paul Simon. Mediocre but ultimately harmless stories that by and large flew under the radar and aren’t even well known by people who know My Immortal. I’m Not Okay was never going to draw the same level of interest or vitriol that My Immortal did, thus making it a joke with far less payoff, even if by virtue of not being as poorly written, it was likely easier to write. This is helped by the immense disparity in productivity between the two; whether the primary actor or personality, Tara is more prolific, something that ties directly into the return on investment when it comes to how people reacted to either story.
And as it turned out, she wasn’t needed. The My Immortal Extended Universe has long since been forgotten, and yet people fell for the joke without it. People bought very easily into My Immortal as a genuine piece of work, or at least were so willing to enjoy it as a mockable distraction that nobody ever really asked. Raven became a redundant cog in the machine, and removing her freed up the effort to focus full time on making My Immortal something even more incredible than it began as.
More evidence of this lies in the fact that even once Raven allegedly returns to her role as editor, the spelling only gets increasingly worse; she’s credited as helping in many chapters, but her former sensibilities are gone, and no edits are ever made, as illustrated in the snippets detailing the degeneration in part one. It’s possible that this was meant to convey that Raven wasn’t actually helping; that she quit writing fanfic due to her fallout with Tara, and Tara merely went on pretending she still had a friend in Raven as she sank deeper and deeper into her wish fulfillment paradise. Raven never managed to gain the established foothold that Tara did, so nobody ever questioned it, and everyone was too busy having a good time to wonder how the chapters ever qualified as being 'edited’.
Curious is the fact that even though they made up, Raven never came back. She didn’t continue writing her own stories, the drama between them never resurged, and aside from her supposed beta services to Tara, is absent from the bulk of the saga in its entirety. This is in spite of the fact that in all apparent ways, Raven is not only the more skilled writer, but the one with a clearer passion for it. Her prose may be nothing special, but the bar should not be set too high for what is allegedly a teenage girl writing Harry Potter fanfic. She falls into a lot of the common holes, but her style is that of someone who loves stories and wants to write their own, and for her to so quickly vanish and never return is, to me, evidence that she was always a character too, and that her place in the 'real life’ layer of My Immortal was simply deemed irrelevant.
Part 7. Girlfriend in a Coma – That Time Tara Got Hacked
In chapter 38, a time-displaced Tara opens for Marilyn Manson in Hogsment, which is what Hogsmeade was called before they changed it in 2000. In Hogsmint, a store called Hot Ishoo will change its name to Hot Topic in the year 1998. Tom Riddle possesses future knowledge of both of these events, as well as the certainty that because amnesia potions haven’t been invented yet, he will not be affected by the one being used on his cigar branded with a movie that hasn’t come out yet, which is a shame because he wanted to use the potion on Ebony so that the time-traveling girl he loves will forget about her old life and her romantic entanglements in her own timeline with the sons of two of his bandmates sothat only her love for him will remain. His prescient, almost accepting knowledge of seemingly everything about his future up until his fall is almost tragic; he must know that Ebony’s involvement in his life is going to ruin it
On top of being the Dark Lord and Tom Bombadil, Tom Riddle may also be Doctor Manhattan. But that’s not the point of this part.
After xBlakXTearX performs its first big gig, the band immediately falls apart as, due to Lucian Malfoy playing the wrong song by mistake, Samaro Potter decides to shoot his arm off with a knife. Those of you attempting to follow the bizarre, Ebony-centric take on the universe may be surprised to learn that she is not the Yoko Ono of the band in what may be the only important conflict in the story that isn’t about her. However, since everything has to be about our goffik darling, Ebony jumps in front of the bullet–that, again, has been shot from a knife, like this is the second-worst Final Fantasy game ever made–and enters a coma.
Bear in mind, she does this knowing that Lucian survives this attack, going on to find love, have Draco, and despite two stints as a wizard nazi manages to avoid jail time and lead a life of incredible luxury and comfort. This also requires her to ignore her very important mission to prevent Tom from ever becoming Voldemort and the insane repercussions of dying in a timeline that isn’t her own, leaving behind all of her possessions that are even more anachronistic in the 80s, including a time machine that anyone could suddenly begin misusing.
All in all, an incredibly stupid decision with no purpose other than to insert Ebony and her useless ass selfless heart into conflicts that she has nothing to do with, because she’s the 'hero’ of our story.
Before we could see the resolution of that nail-biting cliffhanger, Tara’s account was allegedly hacked by a 'guest writer’, who claimed to have been able to crack her password with incredible ease. While there, the password cracker gives her own take on My Immortal, involving the death of Ebony, which undoes all of Tara’s damage upon the universe and returns everybody to their proper states, while sentencing Ebony to a terrifying ironic hell where she is doomed to an eternity of wearing infinite layers of preppy clothing brands.
While there, the hacker also shares with us the real chapter 39 as an act of kindness to those of us who were clinging onto the saga for dear life and wanted to know how Ebony was going to survive jumping in front of the knife-propelled bullet. Allegedly, this chapter was already written and waiting to be posted in the document area. It ends up being such a bizarre element of time travel that even the Terminator franchise never went there.
“What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped.
“Enoby u were almost shot!11” said Serious. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time.”
“But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!
Which opens up a lot of questions, then shoves them aside so I could wonder for a second if Lucius Malfoy was missing an arm in the canon. He wasn’t, making this another perplexing note of Tara’s that rewards a familiarity with the source material by highlighting all the ways in which it’s wrong. But then, after being told that Snap was Death Dealer, despite being the classmate of a Tom Riddle who hadn’t yet gone dark, Ebony comes across Snape raping Draco, and is so distraught by her boyfriend’s betrayal in this act that she runs to her room, takes out a steak, and uses it to slit her wrists.
Neither steaks nor stakes work like that.
The next chapter begins with her “back in Tim” due to her suicide, but the endgame plot batshit of My Immortal isn’t something we can even tackle in full yet.
There is a lot about the hacker that’s peculiar, and that’s because I believe that the hacker is Tara herself. A lot of minor elements of the breach of her account actually betray this secret, and it’s one of the few things in My Immortal I’m unsure about in regards to its intent.
The way that fanfiction.net handles posting a story involves uploading the story file to a document area, and then from the story menu selecting the relevant document. I always found it kind of clumsy personally, but what stands out about it is the fact that the chapter was allegedly written and left online for an indeterminate amount of time. There aren’t many reasons to upload a completed chapter to the website and then not post it. For someone like Tara, who does no editing and is clearly no longer sending the story off to Raven to be edited, there seems to be absolutely no reason for the story to be sitting idly in the documents area. I imagine Tara finished each chapter and immediately shoved it online in a frantic hurry to get it out there, as opposed to leaving it online to age like a fine vintage of toilet moonshine.
The original posting of the chapter was actually from the original document being copy/pasted into the one that contained the fake chapter nine. However, chapter 40 is then posted some time later as, “Chapter 40. LOL! Someone has taken my account over” by what seems to be the hacker. Which is odd, since they already pasted it into chapter 39, and posting it again from the document area seems rather pointless. It even includes an addition of, “THE IDIOT’S NOTE: Well… this was in the doc area… might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us… Have a nice day!” that the chapter 39 version lacks, meaning this hacker allegedly went into the doc, copy/pasted it into a new file with her chapter and Tara’s, but then edited the original document and posted it too. It’s an odd thing to do, like someone went in with very little idea of what the plan actually was and stumbled redundantly over ideas as they went.
But particularly odd about this whole thing is that Tara does nothing about it. She doesn’t delete the insulting notes or remove the fake chapter, she leaves them both there even though the author’s note of chapter 41 makes it clear that she’s very aware of her account being compromised, not only letting the mockery of herself remain, but even letting it effect the numbering of subsequent chapters. Which may seem like just Tara not caring enough and going with the chapter numbers listed by fanfiction.net, until you look back at chapter 10.
Chapter 10 was posted twice, and Tara never removed the second, identical version of it. It remained on the site up until the day the story was purged by site moderators. And yet, Tara always remained consistent in her renumbering of the chapters, always subtracting one from the chapter count when she posted it; what the site claimed was chapter 12 was really chapter 11. For a story with only the barest minimum of shits given, to properly compensate for this numbering accident for almost thirty chapters is a surprising amount of misplaced effort, but it establishes that she does care about the chapter numbers, and makes the sudden slip a lot more suspect. Why only go halfway in on her effort by continuing to count her double-posted chapter, but not this fake one that she’s allowed to remain as a part of the saga?
Part 8. That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore – Bringing it all together
I’ve prattled on for well over ten thousand words now about a myriad of My Immortal’s issues, but you could look at each individual flaw of the story and say that on their own, they hardly form evidence of trollery afoot, even if some of the more glaring issues are harder to explain away. But surely I’m going to show how they connected to form the cohesive peak of my argument, right? “How soon are you going to get to that?” you shout into your screen, not knowing how computers work.
Well how soon is now?
Tara Gilesbie wrote a story that set her up as the ultimate caricature of a teenaged fanfic writer who is just the worst in all of the best ways. All of the elements of bad writing on every level came into a perfect storm that only grew more powerful over time as it sank further and further into its own madness until it didn’t even resemble what it had started out as. From the self-inserted wish fulfillment to a startlingly creative use of the English language, it hits every hallmark of a bad fanfic one would think to roll up into one neat and tidy little ball, save for perhaps a massive panfandom crossover of everything the author has ever liked.
There is a clear story arc in My Immortal, but it isn’t Ebony’s tale of romance and destiny, it’s Tara’s slow descent into gibbering madness, like the story she had created was an eldritch being that she was unable to comprehend the sight of. As I went over in part one, the writing style breaks down steadily over time, becoming more typo-ridden, filled with more and more casual abbreviations and chatspeak until it’s become apparent that she simply doesn’t care, and while the decline in writing 'quality’ certainly begins with Raven’s absence, it is a steady drop for many chapters afterward. Tara’s character is not one that seems like she has a grasp on subtlety or moving slowly, but that’s the pace with which the boundaries are pushed.
Let’s look at the plot in a rather brief rundown. The story starts out fairly simply, with Ebony and Draco falling in love and having poorly written sex in the forest. Vampire comes in to complicate things in a love triangle that is surprising for leading to attraction angst in all possible directions. Voldemort’s introduction adds to the melodrama of the story, and it weaves in and out of slice of life romance angst and the Voldemort subplot rather strangely. Then, in chapter 17, my favorite part of the story occurs, and it signifies the moment where My Immortal jumps the shark in a way nobody would have ever dreamt of.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes… Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Draco!”
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE
It’s important here to note that this is very soon after Raven left the story. and remember that this is around when the story began to stop caring about spelling and typing. After this point, everything in the plot goes off the rails. The melodrama ramps up, Ebony is revealed as the only one who can stop Voldemort, time travel is introduced, despite supplanting Harry as the chosen one who can defeat the Dark Lord she instead tries to seduce a teenaged Tom Riddle… Everything goes completely off the rails.
And that’s the plan all along. The angle of Raven and Tara’s feud never went anywhere, probably because nobody really cared much about two teenagers yelling at each other on the internet. At least, not until 2015 when some asshole would examine the shit out of it for very little discernable reason or gain. I believe that when it was scrapped, the brain trust behind My Immortal decided to go in a different direction. Readers may not have took the bait of their public dispute, but they were buying the troll hook, line, and sinker. People genuinely believe, or at least want to believe, that the story was written in earnest. Even a lot of the people who have doubts about it have them on the grounds that they don’t want to accept that someone could write a story so terrible. The unexpected appeal of the trainwreck that was My Immortal itself, rather than the meta saga of Tara Gilesbie, terrible writer and object of mockery, drove the project into a different direction.
The story and spelling both degrade at the same time, steadily creeping further and further into the most ludicrous things the author thinks they can get away with. As the readers continue to accept what they see as genuine, the author pushes further, which is why we see new elements constantly introduced into the story where they make no sense. It’s not Tara throwing the kitchen sink into her story in a misguided belief that a lot of everything will make her story good, it’s Tara setting the narrative on a trajectory of the most ludicrous thing she can think of, and watching as people believe it. Because they do, completely.
Sex is introduced into the story, because of course it is, through the most unappealing of ways possible. Genitalia are referred to by 'thingy’ as though using the word penis is too embarrassing for her to handle, even though later she refers to Snap’s 'clook’ without issue. To further the wish fulfillment, she must be having sex with her love interests, and it must be terrible.
We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
I believe they call that docking.
I’ve already explained how I believe Tara Gilesbie to be just as much a fictional character as Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and what I feel that character is meant to be is the most mockable and stereotypical fanfic writer one could ever dream of. A teenage emo girl delusionally believing she’s a goth, who’s into boys kissing but has no problem throwing homophobic slurs around, who violates the Harry Potter canon in every way possible for the sake of creating her world of wish fulfillment where everything centers around her. Every bad writing trope wrapped up into sensibilities that set themselves up for mockery. Throw on a tragic lack of self-awareness that opens her up to be laughed at as she smugly highlights her mistakes, and all the pieces fall into place.
Tara Gislebie is a parody of fanfic writers.
Before My Immortal hit the scene, bad fanfiction was not as popular a fandom passtime as it is now, owing largely to new forms of media allowing us to better share the stories and our mockery of them than we had access to in mid-2006, but also because it was always rather contained within fandoms or specific LJ groups meant to deride them. But My Immortal crossed boundaries and spread far outside the reaches of the Harry Potter fandom, to become more than just a story. It was a sensation, a fic so notorious that even people who weren’t around back then have still at least heard of it, even if they haven’t gone out looking for it. While bad writers are nothing new to fandom, My Immortal set off a slew of imitators and tributes, fake sequels, adaptations using its basic setups in different fandoms to produce interesting results, and with more attention suddenly on badfic with the intent to mock it, troll writers came out in droves to try and reproduce the magic.
Some succeeded. Many failed, and I believe one of the main reasons is that people continue to take My Immortal at its word. They just whip some typo-heavy dreck up in their word processor, and ignore all of the subtler elements of My Immortal. It gets so much wrong from the very beginning, but it had to slowly stew in its own crazy long enough to become the poorly written train wreck we’ve come to love. For a story so over the top, that combines all of the elements of a bad story into one perfect package, it does it cleverly enough that it continues to fool people almost ten years later.
You may believe that this is all way too much work for anyone to put into a stupid fanfic. That if it’s meant to be a joke, that it’s a long way to go. Developping characters, faked account compromises, and an active effort put into writing as terribly as possible. And it is a lot of effort, which is meant to throw you off, because it’s the greatest trick the devil ever pulled.
Haha. Wondering why this post isn’t where it’s normally found?
Well, my friends, ask no more!
On a dark lonely evening, sweat drips through your hair
Warm smell of your butthurt, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, see the laptop’s blue light
Your head grows heavy and your sight grows dim
Gotta stop for the night
There my posts on the display
Rang the warning bell
And you were thinking to your self
Give it a week and I’d surely quell
Then I flamed all the posters and I showed you her name
There were voices ringing in your head
Swear you’d heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Tarafornia
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a normal place
Plenty of room at the Hotel Tarafornia
Any time of year (Any of time of year)
I can smell your fear
Her mind is Tumblr-addicted
She got them means behind ends
She got a lotta commie, commie kids
That she calls friends
How they dance in the Discord
Sweet doxxing rush
Some post to remember
Some troll to forget
So I called up the admin
“Please bring my ban”
And he said
We haven’t had that spirit here since GC toured Japan
And still those voices are ringing from far away
But still those posts are comin’ from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear me say
Welcome to the Hotel Tarafornia
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a horrid face
Living it up in the Hotel Tarafornia
What an awful lie (What an awful lie)
What an alibi
Mirrors behind mirrors
Men behind the man
And she said: “We are all just copycats here
Of a copy of a fake
Among the moderators
They gathered for a feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing you remember, you were
Grasping for your mouse
You had to find the permaban
To restore what was before
“Relax”, said your bete-noire
“I am
Programmed to deceive
You can ban me any time you like,
But I will never leave!”
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Shut up, fandom
I cant believe Im going to write another one of these. This is fucking pissing me off and Im not just going to sit around and watch it again and again and again.
Quit it with the excessive callout culture and accusations.
I should have spoken up more, but Im writing that wrong right now. I dont care if you hate me, block me, or what. This has to reinforced and Im willing to get my hands dirty.
The way I see callout culture being used in fandom spaces is not about making the fandom safer. Its puritanical.
Its bringing fear. Intolerance. And driving people away.
I used to say a lot of homophobic, transphobic, and racist shit when I was younger. And you know what, I feel like shit about it. But I had people in my life that gave me the chance to learn.
They gave me the chance to better myself.
They didnt bully me.
They didnt harass me.
They understood that I am a human. I make mistakes. Im flawed. But more importantly, I can change. And I did. I prove to myself and others I have changed.
You, who are quick to bring up the past, dont take into account I would slap my younger self in the face. So would many others. Ive seen it time. And time. And time again.
People's past being dug up and used as a sludgehammer to their lives. More specifically, people havent done anything to warrent such a level of digging. People who have changed.
If you dislike someone, cool. You dont have a reason, sometimes you just have a feeling and dont like someone. You dont have to justify it right away. Bring up that 5 years they said some BS, even if they dont now. Just leave it alone. Let it be. Its not worth it. Use that mental energy and time to do something productive, like paint.
Someone has a different opinion? Just respectfully disagree and move on with it. Have a civilized debate. Dont harass them.
An artist draws a character different from canon or in a certain way? Dont bully them to the point they try to take their own life.
A cosplayer doesnt want to cosplay a certain thing or act/look/talk like the character theyre cosplaying? Dont be snooty about it. Theyre happy. Let them be themselves. If they want to act and talk the character at certain times and not other, be chill about it. Theyre performers AND people. Treat them like a human being.
Dont like a ship? Block the tag. Dont engage. Just move on with your life. Ignore it. Focus on the ships you love.
A writer writes abusive ship content? Just dont read it. Go back to "Dont Like, Dont Read". No one is forcing you to read it. Just move past it and go read some fluff.
Doesnt mean they support abuse or abusive realtionships. That is an incredibly heavy and damaging accusation to make with no proof aside from a measly fanfiction. You cannot go to the police with just that and expect anything to be done. If that were the case, a lot of writers would be under arrest and in prison. But they arent. Ya know why? Because they themselves have not commited a crime. Writing a book on sensitive material isnt grounds for public humiliation and torture. Same with any other serious accusation (pedophile seems to be a go to). Youre cheapening them. Boy who cried wolf style.
Everything above, I have seen occur hundreds of times, across multiple fandoms. The saddest part is I see it hit hardest with the shows that ask for love, kindness, and understanding.
The arguments sound like the "video games cause violence" arguments and in case youre wondering, there is little to no correlation. Not hard to go to google scholar for research.
People seem to forget Context Matters. People try to argue that it doesnt matter the context, but it does.
An example of how I see it used.
If I say "Hitler rebuilt Germany and revitalized the economy from ruin. Though this was at the cost of millions of innocent lives. He used his power to destroy the lives of those he saw as unclean." People will take "Hitler rebuilt Germany and revitalized the economy from ruins" to try and say Im a Nazi or a Nazi sympathizer. Even when the rest of my statement condemns the actions.
Thats how I see it used.
Its manipulative. Its stupid. Its pathetic. If you have to take me or anyone out of context to prove your point, your point is already invalid.
This has destroyed people I have never heard of and people I follow. Its pushed them away. They leave. No longer making content. It makes people scared. To write. To draw. To cosplay. We have to protect against harmful people, but not at the cost of so many innocent creators....
When a real wolf shows up... no one will listen to you...
#steven universe#yuri on ice#mob psycho 100#one punch man#jojo's bizarre adventure#fandoms#ships#ocs#art#cosplay#fanfiction#artist#cosplayer#soul eater#black butler#attack on titan#hetalia#undertale#long post#long rant#rant
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Jacob and Edward
hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that.
setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet
edward: so what did you get for number 5?
Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it
edward: ok. why?
Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?
e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?
J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes
e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules
J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo
e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria
J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous
e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’
J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing
e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me
J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….
e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying
J: *mumbles something*
e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.
J: i said…..i….l...ll
e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT
j:......i….love……
e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*
J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*
e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*
J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……
e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?
J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot
e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth
J: what does it say man
e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it
J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...
e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on
Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*
LAMOAOAK
J: dude…...thats in the textbook????
e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…
J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….
e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook
J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha
e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u
J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?
e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*
J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this….
e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS
J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..
e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again... monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…
J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..
e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…
J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?
e: no… *intense eye contact*
J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different
e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then accidentally looks down* bro… is that….
J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!
e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u
J: youre...attracted to me……
e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood
J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*
e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*
J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????
e: u tell me
J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have
e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs
J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then
e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways
J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick
e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….
J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck
e: well yeah more or less
the end
BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued
LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3
setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)
jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.
e: ugh. u again.
J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault
e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason
J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back
e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to
J:.........what do you mean…….
e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..
J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......
e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?
J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement
e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*
J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring
e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*
J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…
e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that back right fucking now
J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?
e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*
J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though
andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.
J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…
e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that
J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us
e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*
J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me
e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*
J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan
e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what
J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..
e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…
J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other
e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…
J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too
e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*
J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid
e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…
J: *steps closer* make...me…..
e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…
J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me
a/n: how fucking close are they now huh uhh like 3 ft apart ok
e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME
J: make me *smirks*
a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need
e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy
J: do it then…..
e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*
J: *dies*
e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*
J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*
a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL
e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard
a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO
J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?
e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that
J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*
e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME
a/n IM CRYING HAHA
J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you
e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog
J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…
e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.
J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….
e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.
a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW
J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..
e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess
a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)
J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place
e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…
J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers
e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.
J: what man???
e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.
J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember
e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.
J: ……...how?
e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.
J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….
e: *squints at him* what.
J: we could……..you know…. ..
e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.
J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you
e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*
J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight
e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?
J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right
e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.
a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person
J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting
a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP
e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*
a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW
J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…
e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*
J: you don't have to look away…..
e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.
J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….
e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay
J: maybe…..but so are you…….
END
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye
dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue
setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions
J: so make yourself at home i guess…..
e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?
J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are
e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..
a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie absolutely not
J;well like……...theres only one bed…
e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)
J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*
e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*
(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think
J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit
Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????
edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…
J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary
a/n: k so im billy now? If u want
billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*
edward: …
billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?
edward: .
J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go
e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now
(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)
(in jacobs room)
J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again
e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*
a/n HAHAHAHAHA
J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..
e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework
J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*
e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh
J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again
e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.
J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???
e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING
J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR
e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*
J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*
e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….
J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something
e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably
(but they on sacred land or smthn)
J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so now what???
e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…
J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world
e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad
J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever
e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*
J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*
e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*
J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U
e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….
J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……
e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.
J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me
e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok
a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels
J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….
e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*
J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho
e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY
J: *dies*
e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.
J: *still dead*
e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.
J: *just a fucking corpse*
e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.
J: *not alive*
e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT
*continuing edward monologue*
e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*
(billy comes out from behind the house)
J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad
Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall
e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?
J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know
Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*
e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?
J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????
e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.
J: how…..???
e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….
J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????
e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .
J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???
e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food
J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian
e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*
J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo
(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)
e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke
ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS
J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*
e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr
J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something
e: . im tired. u get something for me.
J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit
e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.
J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some
BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all
k anyways continue
J; here take this eat up
a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right
e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom
J: feel better now?
e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom
J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……
e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk
a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good
J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????
e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food
J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit
e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*
J: *rolls eyes*......
e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.
J: *says nothing but keeps looking*
e: *slurp* u want some then?
J: absolutely not
e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here
J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting
e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*
(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)
a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post YES
J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..
e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom
J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….
e: ur the one who hunted it.
J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks
e: what the fucks a mcdicks
J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..
e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…
J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh
e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again
J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want
e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what
J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???
e: do about what
J: me calling you small minded idiot
e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up
J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???
a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA
e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT
J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…
e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..
J: *steps closer* do it then
e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*
J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*
e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*
J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*
e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..
J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer
e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea
BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA
e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.
J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back
e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU
J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???
e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*
J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*
e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*
J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home
e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*
J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?
e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*
(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)
a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm
J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………
e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever
J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…
(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*
e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….
J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....
e: wait. do u hear that……..
(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)
bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys
a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW
J: uh…..who the fuck are you….
b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….
J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?
e: *uncomfotable.*
bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.
J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??
b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize
e: hhhhhhhhhh
J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??
bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*
e: wait…. u can’t
bella: y?
e: um……. bc….
J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….
e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?
b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)
J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?
bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e
e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT
bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*
J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……
(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS
e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT
J: …………*jumps at edward again*
e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*
(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)
e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE
J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……
(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)
e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!
bella: omg so cringe stop pls
J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……
(awake and unafraid asleep)
e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*
J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..
b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*
e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)
J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........
e: hmmmm,...... jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP
(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)
J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..
e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG
j: *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….
(na na na is over and fades slowly bc bella closes her mouth)
b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN
e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…
J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..
e: *checks him for wounds*
bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him
J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*
b: stay down. that’s an order u dog
e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH
(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)
J: ………..
(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)
b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend
e: *blushes* bro not right now
b: no seriously
e: …..
b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?
e: ….
b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition
(what is this condition lemme think)
b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child
e: ok (?)
(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)
e: *goes back to jacob* helo
J: are you ok…….what went down??????
e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that
J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??
(the mist rises)
e: ok…. can you even walk?
J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*
e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber
BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH
a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u
(jacobs room)
J: ok im fine stop worrying
(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)
biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….
e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor
a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu
J: who…….
e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…
J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???
e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.
Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else
J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….
seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……
e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner
seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor
a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)
J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….
e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*
billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?
seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.
J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????
billy: JACOB (does he have a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..
seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?
J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool
e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*
seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…
J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*
a;/n: lMFAO
(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)
e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*
billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible
seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um …. ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me
e: *still staring at the wall* no
J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????
e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?
J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…
e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*
J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad
e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*
s: OH my fucking GOd *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*
J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*
e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*
billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid
seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome
J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…
seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?
billy: *leaves*
J: so i think i need a real doctor now
s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*
J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?
e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.
J: bruh why not u said u would earlier
e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.
J: dude come here let me see your head
e: no
J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way
e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….
J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??
e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr
J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?
e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad
J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???
e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move
J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…
e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*
J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…
e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*
(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)
J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…
e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier
J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????
e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that
J: dude wtf…..why are you like this
e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …
J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner
e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*
J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me
e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.
J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know
BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING
e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit
J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell
e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN
J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that
e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?
a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that
J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole
e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that
J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????
e: u tell me
a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu
J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……
e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work
J: you could have just asked…..
e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*
J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???
e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)
J: *dies*
e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on
J: *still dead*
e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly
J: *dead*
e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that
J: idk man but its a banger tho
e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh
J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….
e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…
J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????
e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches
J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???
e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .
a/n IM CRYING
J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before
e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in
J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man
e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life
J: i get so many bitches u would not believe
e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u
J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close
e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*
J: *angerily silent*.......
e: *starts laughing* like…….. i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah
J; *still silent* …………………….
(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )
e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm
J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........
e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..
J: *mumbles* go get it then……
e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….
J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..
e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package
J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot
e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk
J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man
e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*
(billy and other wolf members: :|
J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf
e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*
J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you
e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally
J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much
e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*
J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????
e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…
J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….
e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*
J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones
J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down
e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*
J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*
e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage
BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge
Sorry bro ok bye
(now is morning)
e: *been watching tik toks all night long*
J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh
e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working
J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….
e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….
J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….
e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life
J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this
e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?
J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot
e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..
J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u
e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..
J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……
e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?
J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……
e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*
J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….
e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?
J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….
e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….
J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….
e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..
J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….
e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time
J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO
e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog
J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving
e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….
J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????
e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there
J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now
e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo
J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..
e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?
J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..
e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……
J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r u always so fucking difficult
e: im not difficult bruh
J: u fucking r
e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway
J: alright sick
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