#but yeah. emotional sirius except done the right way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghost-town-story · 5 months

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Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now

So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.

Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)

So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.

A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:

A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D

Alright, les go

And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*

At least the wine is good lol

Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"

I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward

Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?

Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh

Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah

Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it

One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao

Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)

Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????

James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him

Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name

Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol

RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself

Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!

Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol

babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao

James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with

“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????

this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans

Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment

Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot

AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE

okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)

and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions

yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it

thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"

I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah

Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol

you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!

Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao

For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!

Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)

Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol

Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????

Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)

Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet

Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3

And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21

I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol

Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!

Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol

I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.

Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness

And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")

Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)

OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL

also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits

oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*

Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude

also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)

heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz

This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.

Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol

And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well

oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this

Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like

Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.

goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably

also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo

James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp

I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!

Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic

Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through

"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden

Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man

"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol

Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)

and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs

“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!

Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet

It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.

THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!

so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break

Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol

they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)

Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P

also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!

meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol

Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from

James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)

90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works

seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol

and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)

absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral

ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol

I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol

Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol

There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"

oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol

okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)

okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?

Whump time!!

ah yes, overprotective James

yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh

whump whump!!

ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"

babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)

"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child

okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!

lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably

Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight

but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.

oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married

Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice

and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.

also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now

Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*

and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol

whump and trauma time!!

damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old

that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3

yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)

another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?

James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now

okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol

Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol

Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol

Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys

Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!

goddamn nerds lol

Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec

"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)

Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship

lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname

Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol

Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol

Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!

and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way

Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit

i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi

“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao

welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably

hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me

You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me

That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)

yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol

anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!

oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!

poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet

god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment

Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs

I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"

more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww

"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol

Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit

sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol

And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol

James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol

oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD

and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh

they are both such stubborn bastards omg

yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P

Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P

yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are

oh those nerds

so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!

oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?

good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways

anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol

So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️

#writing #shitposting #specifically:#shitposting.#cofas #ramble ramble

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heartofspells · 1 year

Text

WIP Word Search

Thanks for the tag, @r33sespieces! This looks like so much fun!

Drink

From the temporarily titled YOU:

"Name's Sirius," he says factually. "Like the star, not the emotion, and please don't ever make the joke. It's likely I'll strangle you for it." Sirius flashes Remus an easy smile to accompany his words, the pull to his mouth curious, enchanting. "There's a pub that opens early around the corner. If you can withhold from stalking anyone else within the next five minutes while I buy this stuff, we can grab a drink. I'll help you out. I know a lot about animals."

"I – uh. Yeah, all right. If you're willing, that'd be great," stutters Remus, stumbling a bit.

Sirius smiles at him, clicking his tongue again at the dog, urging him to follow as he begins to push the trolley towards the front.

You're forward. Not cold or aloof, but warm and bright. You're like beams of heated sunlight that slip through dying leaves during autumn. It's almost worthy of the poetry I'm now spewing, reducing myself to no better than the likes of Keats.

Wide

From the also temporarily titled SSS:

"Oh, thank fuck," mutters James, his entire face flooding with relief, hazel eyes falling closed before they're open again, fixed on Sirius, wide behind his lopsided glasses. Sirius wants to reach up to adjust them, but he can't lift his arms, feeling bound to his sides. There's something hollow in James' expression as he stares at him, lining the joy he's trying to push forward, like he's hiding the rest of it. "You've been – I didn't think you'd – it's been hours – but you're – thank fuck."

And James falls over him, body pressing, arms wrapping, gathering Sirius to him. Sirius grunts at the weight settling over him, blazing pain through his joints, James trying to retreat when he realizes, but Sirius releases a noise in protest, needing him to stay for reasons he doesn't automatically understand, something clamoring inside his head, screaming for the contact, clinging though his own arms remain limp.

Scale

I don't actually have anything for this one, so instead, take a piece of mostly PWP I'll finish at some point.

When the fireplace flares to life, sirius blinks, unable to hide his surprise and confusion, emotions mirrored back to him from Remus’ guarded face.

“What are you doing here?”

Frowning, Remus is slow to respond. “You sent me an owl, told me to come get the last of my things.”

Had he done that? Searching the depths of his foggy mind, Sirius’ eyes drift down the expanse of Remus’ body, hazy memories ebbing to the surface, his hand scrawling out a quick note in the early hours of the morning.

“Right. An owl,” he says thoughtfully, words emerging slowly. “Right.”

“You said you wouldn’t be here.”

Hold

Also from YOU:

I see you now, Sirius, those parts you try to hide. Every move you make is carefully calculated, structured for the most gain, never leaving yourself exposed, except here, but even this is constructed by a necessary design. Parts of your life aren't yours to mold, owned by others, your family, even your friends, so you keep that firm hold around what you can. You control the uncontrollable, and this – this animalistic giving and taking, submitted like a bitch to an alpha male – is your way of allowing that control to slip away, surrendering to something more than yourself.

You, Sirius, need someone who can guide you, lead you away from the oppression coating over you like thick oil. You need someone who will control you when you can't control yourself.

Cough

I also don't have anything for this one, so I'll give another snippet of YOU because I'm obsessed with this thing. This one has a good bit of spice.

It's like viewing a voiceless play, story told through action without sound, Sirius all but melting as Remus watches avidly, hard inside his own trousers, the heel of his palm pushing against the growing bulge. The fingers wound into raven hair jerk backwards, yanking Sirius' head with them, exposing the long, smooth expanse of a creamy neck, curving perfectly, ready to be claimed, devoured, torn apart for the easy taking as their bodies rock together. Sirius' mouth falls open and Remus' lips part with it, tongue dragging across them as he imagines what those teeth and that tongue would taste like, the richness of honey and the bite of smoke from cigarettes causing saliva to pool around his gums.

Crystalline eyes roll to the ceiling, hands pressed flat against the wall, fingers clawing into paint and plaster with every tearing jolt of his body, Remus' own hips rocking in time into the grip of his fist, except it's not his hand but Sirius, tight and hot around him, those sounds clearly flooding out of him for Remus and no one else. It's still a curiosity to him, how everything had shifted so quickly, Sirius always so cocky and confident in his every action, self-assured and nearly powerful, but as Sirius caves into the brutal thrusts behind him, Remus suddenly understands.

Tagging: @fonkeloog @pinklume @soloorganaas @broomsticks

Your words are:

Light | Hair | Dog | Tremble | Shout

#wip game #snippets #tagging game #my writing #holli writes

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robincantfunction · 2 years

Text

𝐄𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ♪

pt. 5

series masterlist|main masterlist|taglist

james potter x reader (previously)

sirius black x reader (in progress)

some people wrote their blog names an itty bit wrong but i think i tagged the right people (if i didn’t please message me and i’ll remove you <3)

warnings: this is short, a bit of. a filler chapter to get the gist of everything, next one will be posted asap. one tiny swear word (if you can even count it as a swear word) diluted dick james, sirius is the love of my life he’s so cute to her omg, allusions to anxiety/panic attack (i didn’t go full in description cause sometimes that can trigger my anxiety, so it’s a very brief mention for anyone who’s like me in that respect) gif not mine.

summary: she wasn’t enough for him. but then again, she wasn’t the perfect lily evans.

note: so basically i’m just gonna use danielle rose russel gifs for y/n… sue me she’s gorgeous and i’m in love with her.

she hates that he missed him. she hates that she cared. she hates that he didn’t want to see her, when in reality it was the other way round. she refused to leave her dorm. she refused to talk to anyone except sirius. james did try, once or twice, but he was too infatuated with his new relationship with lily to care. she got it, but she just wished she was enough for him. she wished that some part of him actually loved her, but she knew he couldn’t. y/n was a distraction, and james himself didn’t even realise it until he got the girl. until him and lily we’re together, talking, laughing, flirting. it was clear as day to him that he still loved her.

when she finally decided to talk to james, she was no longer sad, she was angry. how could he do that to her? how could he possibly think that using her like that was ok? “james, i spilled out my heart to you, i loved you! the thing is, you needed someone who could be with you as long as it wasn’t real! you didn’t want real emotion, you wanted love, validation! and where did that get me? i’m not enough for you, james. no one is enough for you, except for perfect lily evans.” he looked at her apologetically, but he couldn’t help but feel a teensy bit mad at the way she was talking about lily. “i really am sorry y/n. i should have spoken to you before it all got out of hand.” she nodded, but was still clearly agitated. “what you should have done was checked that your girlfriend was sober enough to walk back to her dorm alone, which she wasn’t, and if you had’ve listened to me when i asked to talk, i would have been out of your hair. because i realised what was happening between us wasn’t healthy, and neither of us were happy. i just wanted you to be happy, james. i- i can’t do this” she walked away, off to find sirius. she just really needed a hug.

as she was making her way to sirius, desperately trying to find him, she grew dizzy. her legs went wobbly. she felt like she could throw up. her breathing became heavier, and suddenly it felt like she was gasping for her last breath. just as she was starting to panic, she found him. and as soon as sirius saw y/n’s state, he brought her into a hug. “s’ok. s’gonna be ok. just listen to m’heart yeah. focus on me love. i’ve got you.” and after a few minutes, she felt almost normal again. he kissed her head before she looked up at him with a smile “thank you siri. for everything. helping me through all this.” he nodded and kissed her forehead. “it’s nothing, you’d do the same for me.” he was stroking her hair when he softly spoke once more “you wanna talk about it?” she nodded lightly “i spoke to james. we fought, i basically told him he was a selfish prick, i had a bit of a go at him. he apologised, i was done with his shit and came and found you.” sirius kissed her forehead before speaking once more. “i’m in no such trying to defend him, but i can tell he is genuinely sorry” y/n nodded . “i know. i can tell he really is, but i just wish i was enough y’know. i’m not enough, not for anyone.” sirius shook his head at her “that’s not true, you’re enough. you’re enough for me.” y/n looked up at him once again and kissed his cheek. “you’ll always be enough for me”

taglists (main taglist link)

j.p @kissmeunicornbaobei @s8liva

s.b @messy-insomniac @imintofictionalmen @spookybooisa @siriuslyjanhvi @blackst0nes7077 @sassybadqueen @itzzzzcookie @x-heartrender-x @j-cat @nestiaisgod @kissmeunicornbaobei @dcvilslvr

d.t.n.f.a.j @jessyballet @snigdha-14 @haroldpotterson @cherryslushyslut @nyks-bella-blog @aliendemigods @wherewitcheslive @adriennebarnes @espressopatronum454 @thepersonbeep1 @melliegirl @idli-dosa

#james potter x reader #james potter angst #sirius black x reader #james potter fluff #sirius black angst #sirius black fluff #sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius #james #james potter #james fleamont potter

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liptonsbabe · 3 years

Text

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Summary: Molly thinks that Bill’s and the reader relationship is a mistake so she wants them apart from each other. Bill’s against his mother wishes and he find a way to drag the reader into the Weasley family officialy

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: none

A/N: Hi! Part 4 of this thing lol. I’m so happy that you guys like this story. It’ll have like 20 chapters or so, i’m still deciding that so yeah, that’s pretty much the thing. Btw, from now on chapters will be more interestings... i hope so lol. Again, english not my mother language. Please let me know if something’s wrong. Aaaaaand if you want to be tagged in the next chapters tell me and i will add you! Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Arguments

The rest of the afternoon passed as normal as the days before your arrival. Arthur Weasley made sure of it. Even if Molly attacked you with her dagger gaze when you and Bill hugged each other after you were done with dessert.

You didn’t know what Mr. Weasley had talked about with his wife while you were taking a shower, however, you noticed the tension rising from their bodies after you sat down at the table next to Bill and saw an annoyance sign on Molly’s lips. Her temple was frowned, reminding you of your own mother's gestures. Those flaming eyes, cleft chin, and pinion lips. Both women contract their features too much when they were upset and in your distress, you knew that they must not be disturbed.

The last thing you wanted was to hurt a marriage as solid as the Weasley's. More than once you heard your mother talk about it with your nanny making a powerful emphasis on how Molly and Arthur were able to carry out their marriage even if their economic conditions were precarious and the war was on their heels. They were an envied couple. Few dared to expand the family as much as they did without money in their pockets and spreading their progeny like a plague. No one was surprised, not even your mother, not when her marriage to Evan Grant was merely for financial advantage. Now Arthur and Molly looked upset, too upset for your understanding and you just hoped they could get along soon.

You weren't sure you deserved the sacrifice Bill's father had made for you, yet a flame of hope lit up in your chest. If Mr. Weasley started to trust you that was a good sign for others to do as well, right?

The afternoon continued as normal, seeing how Bill's plans to distract you from the fervent harassment of his mother was marred by the twins intervention. They had just finished a new product for their store and needed a good taster to certify the quality of their merchandise. It was a bad idea, he told himself, because twins were just a disaster and you didn't know them well enough to deny their good-natured pretensions.

"Be kind!" He yelled at them as Fred and George pulled you into their. Bill exhaled, pleading that his brothers wouldn't bother his girlfriend more than his mother already had.

Before taking you home, he thought about the pros and cons of your stay in the burrow. His conclusion was based on the fact that his entire family welcomed Harry Potter with open arms, so you didn't have to be the exception. He knew the difference in conditions in which his theory developed, yet he put his trust in the good judgment of his family even if the Grants' past left much to be desired. Bill didn't talk much about you with his mother, in fact, your presence at home was the last of his worries, the real problem came at the time of joining the Order of the Phoenix, would you be willing to fight against your relatives even if that mean betraying your own blood? Bill hope you will

Coming downstairs, Bill found his mother storing the leftover food in the fridge while the dishes soaked in the sink. Then he watched her clean each plate with her bare hands, no magic. William knew his anger was real.

"Want some help with that?"

"I'd love to, honey, thank you," his mother answered without looking at him. Bill raised the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, dipping his hands into the tide of water and bubbles that flew across the kitchen. Molly was silent, drying the dishes and flying them to her place in the display case across the kitchen. Bill cleared his throat doubtfully "It never hurts to help, much less when I have so many things to do before the rest of the Order arrive"

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that too."

"Perfect"

"Mom, can we talk?"

"About what?

"You know what," Bill clicked his tongue, passing her the last plate from the sink to continue with the spoons. "(Y/N)..."

"Your father has scolded me enough about that girl, I don't need you to do it too"

"I wouldn't if you had a little consideration with her."

"More consideration?" Molly asked in a squeak. Bill shook his head. "I'm letting her stay at my home!"

"Our home, mom, ours," he corrected, drying his hands with a cloth. "This house also belongs to my dad, my brothers, and me. It's the burrow, a family property, not a secret club where some people can get in and others cannot."

"You know what I think of her"

"And you know I don't care." Molly looked scandalized at her son. She didn't understand what he had seen in someone like you or what you had given him to come out and defend you as he did "I don't ask you to love her, but at least you have to try...

"Have you ever wondered what will happen when she betrays us?"

"That's not gonna happen"

"You're very sure of that, William"

"I'm convinced, Mom. You don't know her like I do and, you know what? I see that wanting to talk to you was a mistake"

"Moody thinks like me," Molly stopped him when Bill was ready to go upstairs. The woman clung to the railing watching her son standing in the first step out of the kitchen "(Y/N) Grant is a danger to the Order"

"Really? Like Mundungus Fletcher? I beg your pardon, mom, but if there is anyone who represents a latent danger to the Order of the Phoenix, it's him and yet you have assigned him for the mission tonight"

Molly's lips parted and if it weren't for the fact that Bill knew her mother too well, he might think the woman was about to throw herself on the floor in a tantrum. Still, she clenched the bars tightly, her brow furrowed, and the redness on her cheeks washed over her forehead.

"William!" Don't talk to me like that!"

"I wouldn't if you had a little more respect for my girlfriend."

"Don't you understand? I care about you! For all of us!" She snarled angrily. "Having a Riddle in this house..."

"A Grant, mom, (Y/N) is a Grant and that's not the same." Bill descended his steps, approaching her mother, returning that angry look that she had inherited from him. It was a strange sensation. A dyad of emotions between joy and fear where the composed emotion was guilt. He had never exploded that way with his mother, but Molly hadn't behaved that way with anyone either "His grandfather is Lord Voldemort's half-brother and his brothers are all Death Eaters, what does it matter? (Y/N) is not. And when do we judge others by where they come from? If so, we could start with half of us. Being a Weasley is equivalent to being a blood traitor"

"William!"

Molly's face went from fury to shock to fury again. Bill's eyes were twinkling and Molly swore she had never seen any of her children this angry, or worse, this determined.

"What would you have done, Mom?" Bill questioned taking his mother by his arms in an attempt to make him feel her despair. Molly opened her eyes, scared. "When your family tell you not to accept dad? When your brothers object to your engagement, just 'cause the Weasleys have long been considered blood traitors?"

For the first time that day Molly's mind went blank, Bill guessed, rewinding the memories of how difficult it was for the Prewetts to accept the marriage. Bill pleaded silently, but pulled away from her when his mother gave no indication to be a little more respectful with you.

"We aren't like that. We don't separate people by where they come from, we hug them" Bill resumed his way towards the stairs, stopping a couple of steps up, turning to take a look at Molly's stunned figure "As you did with Hermione, Remus and Harry when you and Dad became his godparents after Sirius died. (Y/N) is no different"

"She will turn her back on us when the Order fight the Grants. That moment will come and you know it"

"Don't worry, i'll make sure that doesn't happen"

"She is not part of this family"

"That can be solved very easily," he said and the smile he wore gave her a terrible chill down her spine. "Because I'm going to ask her to be my wife."

Molly's gasp was the only thing Bill heard before climbing the stairs and heading to the twins' room. He always respected his mother a lot and even thinking of opposing to her wishes was inconceivable, but your well-being was something that was involved and Bill couldn't just let her mother control his life at her will. Maybe the mistake he made was not telling his parents the truth about you from the start or, in that case, mentioning that the woman he loved was the fucking niece of the strongest fucking dark wizard of all time.

Bill Weasley rubbed his face as he reached the twins' door. He no longer had to torment himself, it was done and the only thing pending at the moment was to get Harry out of his uncles' house, take him safely to the burrow and find the courage to do what he told his mother he would do.

Would you agree to marry him? He hoped so and if not, he wouldn't pressure you. You were young - even a little younger than him - and it would be understandable if you refused to tie your life to someone else's from one moment to the other. The war progressed every day and if you were going to do it, you would do it as soon as possible.

Loud laughings brought him out of his thoughts to observe you and his brothers sitting on the floor, right in the center of both beds, laughing at each other and touching your faces. From the doorway Bill can't see the full painted room, however George's face showed a rather abstract mural full of bright colors when he felt the presence of his older brother. Fred did the same showing his face in the same situation and then you turned to Bill, still laughing and your face smeared with paint. It seemed the twins had created a paint bomb in millimeter pills, that explode when you put a little bit of pressure. You tried to clean yourself with the sleeve of your sweater but you spread the paint even more. Fred and George laughed and so did Bill.

His heart swelled with love as he saw that at least someone in his family - besides him and his father - had hope in you. God, he may have even cried with happiness.

Bill never understood how a sunshine as beautiful as you was never accepted in your entire life.

Tags:

@purple-vodka-99

@vampirestrawberries

Thanks for the 100 followers!❤

#bill weasley #bill weasley imagine #bill weasley x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter cast #Harry Potter imagines #domhnall gleeson imagine #domhnall gleeson x reader #domhnall gleeson #weasleys #fred weasley imagines

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spiltscribbles · 3 years

Note

Im so excited!!!! Here’s a little “It’s always been you. You and only you.” sprinkled in with Green-Eyed Epiphany

~Notes: OMFG bubby!!!! You are so beyond adorable! Thank you So SO much for the sweetness!! I really hope you like this XS and fingers crossed this fits the promptXS <3 <3 <3

Prompt Smash Game | Send Me A Prompt💜 | A Reblog Is Like A Huge, Warm Hug!!!

~R: my mom’s working the night shift at the clinic👀👀

~S: Kinky😏

~S: I can be there in 15

~R: make it 20 and get Chinese x

~S: sometimes I think ur j using me for the food

~R: and bring henny😈

It’s seventeen minutes since Remus sent the last text when the front door of his modest ranch house begins to thump with a familiar wrapping that’s three quick knocks followed by two slower ones, and he has to wrestle down the eager grin from his face when he swings it open to find one of his closest friends standing at the threshold in that customary weathered, leather jacket that he found two summers ago when Remus had taken him thrifting for the first time, and an impish sort of smirk that definitely would look ridiculous on anyone else, but only makes Sirius all the more maddeningly attractive.

“What took so long?” Remus asks mildly, pulling him indoors by the sleeve and gesturing for him to set the goods on the kitchen counter once they cross the small foyer.

“You wound me, Lupin.” Sirius retorts, quick-silver eyes flashing before he pins him against the island and puts his hands on either side of his waistline with more gentleness than Remus would’ve expected before they began this whole sorted affair— Okay, maybe that’s the wrong word for it?

It’s not an affair, or tryst, or carrying on or whatever the fuck else Lily says when she’s teetering on the wrong edge of tipsy and thinks it’s her right to call Remus out on his bullshit— on his stupid, beyond obvious crush he’s been fostering for one of his closest friends since junior high.

It’s none of those things— It’s not nearly as dramatic.

It’s just— Just that yes, Remus has been harboring a tiny infatuation for Sirius ever since that first day of the seventh grade when he had moved to this tiny, coastal town after his parents divorce. But how could he have not? Sirius is hilarious, and a genius, and so gorgeous that sometimes it feels like his insides are twisting up whenever he glances over at him. And on that first day, he had just caught Remus’s eyes from across the library shelves before classes begun, and smiled in that uniquely electric way of his, and asked if Remus could put slime in a very specific locker, (Snape’s), for a very specific reason, (Because he kept following Lily around like a creep), on account to no one suspecting the new kid. And yeah— Remus was lost on him an embarrassing amount from then on.

Sure, it can be regarded as kinda pathetic on Remus’s end— kindling this nest of emotions so close to the chest— but also it’s not as if he’s been lovestruck by his crush, like it’s some sort of waterlogged scarf he’s got dragging him down. His attraction towards Sirius is like a soft melody that’s swelling in the backdrop of all their interactions, nothing overwhelming— not a flood plane, not yet at least. It’s warm, and it’s familiar, and it’s persistent like a flutter of a humming bird’s wings. And Remus doesn’t mind pining over someone as fantastical as Sirius Fucking Black.

Graciously, in some strike of incredible luck, Sirius never caught on to Remus’s silly feelings, not until that night when they were watching an old movie in Remus’s basement while James and Lily were celebrating an entire year together— save for all their sudden stops and just as speedy starts— and Peter was visiting his grandmother in Tampa Bay. It was the first time they had been alone together since Remus broke up with Caradoc for the final time, and Sirius just looked so fucking good in that casual, white v-neck and his skinny jeans that make him look like some echo of James Dean on his best day. And Remus isn’t sure who exactly moved forwards first, or how the fuck Meg Ryan wandering the Seattle streets was some sort of aphrodisiac, or why Sirius— who could have any guy he would ever want— was actually humoring him, but one second they’re lying down on the sofa— Remus caged between Sirius’s expanse and the cushions behind them— and the next he’s tasting PBR on Sirius’s lips, and has got a fist full of his dark hair, and is thrilling at the feeling of Sirius’s thigh between his legs. And yeah— it just happened like those sort of things are want to do, and by the end of it they were sticky and breathless and diffident in ways they never been around one another, in ways Remus reckons Sirius has never been around anyone.

But the next weekend, when Sirius’s latest sorta— but not really— boyfriend had canceled on their dinner plans, Sirius wandered over to Remus’s bedroom window and it was another tumbling of frenzied hands and loosen buckles and thrusting hips. And then it just became an easy release— a sort of poetry, an understanding in all but name.

And that’s fine. They don’t have to talk about it. Remus knows that Sirius isn’t the type to settle down with a partner, to go bowling for a date, or texting countless messages that amount to nothing at all at the end of the conversation, or putting up with another dude’s parents taking photos of them before leaving to prom or homecoming or whatever the fuck else. And Remus is sorta sick of the idea of love, of trying so hard only to end up heartbroken and eating a gallon of Chubby Bunny in his favorite sweats and cursing John Hughes for pretending Hollywood romances can happen to ordinary high schoolers.

So yeah— This thing they’ve fallen into with each other is good. They’re friends— best friends— and they have fun and they’re apparently really fucking good in bed together, and Sirius never looks at Remus with pity when he spots him gazing at his profile absentmindedly, and he doesn’t mind when Remus traces invisible designs against his skin when they’re soaking in the after glow, and he never treats him any different. Sirius still slings his arm around Remus’s shoulders when they walk down the halls, and he still buys him his favorite chocolates when he feels poorly, and he still faces Dorcas's disapproving wrath when he drags Remus out of the library to have a little mischief— whether it’s smoking a blunt in the abandoned skatepark in town or playing some stupid prank on those assholes in their year.

For all intent and purposes, they still behave the same they’ve always acted around one another, but just with the miraculous addition of mind-blowing and dulcetly ductile sex.

This is good, this is fun, this is completely untethered from the bull shit of romance.

And if Remus mouths against the juncture of Sirius’s neck a little too intensely— trying to pry off the memory of the hickey Sirius had been sporting after spending the weekend with Gideon Prewett— Well no one has to be any the wiser, and by the sound of Sirius’s hitched breaths, he seems not to mind even slightly.

“Except my apology?” Remus asks, more coy than he ordinarily acts as he drops his arms around Sirius’s neck, and leans on the balls of his feet to whisper against his temple.

“Oh, you’re such a bastard,” Sirius retorts, labored as all get out, kneading his fingers into Remus’s ass that’s only covered by the thin layer of his plaid pajama bottoms. “You are going to have to do a lot more for me to forgive the lip.”

Remus laughs in a stammering sort of way as Sirius tugs him along, walking backwards to his room that he’s become incredibly intimate with since the first time they did this three months ago.

“Sirius, the spring rolls— they’re gross if we have to heat them up again.”

“I’ll postmate us knew ones,” Sirius insists, covering Remus’s mouth with his own with fervor. “C’mon babe, do not tease me like this.”

Sirius must’ve caught his mistake, because he suddenly goes as red as Remus feels— The pet name was to close for comfort considering their strictly friends with benefits nature, but Remus is already half hard, and he really does not want to end this, so with a sly wink, he returns to nipping at Sirius’s jawline, rutting against him in a very unambiguous way. “Fine, if you really don’t think you’ll need the nourishment for your stamina?”

The words have their intended effect, and Sirius makes a small growl deep in his throat before practically tearing off Remus’s shirt, and dipping beneath the waistline of his pants, scooping him up and racing to the bed.

And they get lost in one another beneath the pale glow of Remus’s lamplight and the moon spilling through the window, relearning each others every patch of skin for minutes on end that wax and wane like the delta of ocean waves, unspooling into something tangible and tantalizing with every kiss punctuated with teeth that Sirius trails across Remus’s collarbone, and the way Remus palms greedy hands up and down Sirius’s back until he gets the hint and undresses.

“Well come on, you’re not an invalid, Lupin.” Sirius jeers and Remus chuckles as he follows suit until they’re both finally, blessedly nude. And with an easy assurance of them having done this more than a dozen times now, Remus crawls into his lap and kisses him straight on the mouth, preening how Sirius moans against him— canting up wantonly and grabbing at his hips with a sort of intensity that will probably leave bruises in the shape of the pads of his fingers, and Remus absolutely adores the idea of that, feels something hot and needy and desperate unfurl in his gut as he presses their mouths more forcefully together, going buzzed when he gets to relish in the sensation of their tongues running against one another, and the taste of the ridges on the roof of Sirius’s mouth, and the slide of the soft skin of his inner cheek— gasping when Sirius pulls away abruptly, panting an almost reverent, “Mother of God, Remus,” and tackles him flat on his back before they commence, with the addition of both their hard, leaking cocks thrusting against one another and Sirius’s hand in Remus’s hair pulling that bit more forcefully while his other one roams the dips and planes of his side— skirting against the divots of his stomach muscle before he wraps it around the pair of them and begins to pull in earnest, to the rhythm that Remus swears was strung from the heavens above.

“Oh— Oh, yeah— Sirius,” Remus breathes out in a haggard sort of way, words that he refuses to ever call a mewl even if they’re stretched out and crackle with emotion.

“Yes—, just say that again,” Sirius practically demands, his mouth completely covering his ear in a wet, hot heat— his teeth scraping against the soft shell. “Remus, baby, just say my name, tell me you want it.”

And God, Remus is feeling so heady— like he’s floating and he couldn’t possibly come back down— that he probably would’ve listened to anything Sirius asked of him, especially if he does that thing again, when he squeezes the slick length of them with a tad more force than they usually play at. “Sirius, Sirius. Sirius, please, I’m close,” Remus shrills in an unsteady staccato— his normally smooth tenner going pitchy and pleading, and he can feel his toes curling, can feel the eminent release coming— What he does not expect is to feel something poking at his entrance, didn’t expect to be struck dumb by the sensation of the tip of Sirius’s large, dry finger poking right there, right against the fluttering hole, while he’s still pumping them in tandem, and the second it hooks inside Remus goes a startling sort of static , sees blasts of white blotching his vision and his head thrown back and his dick spirting out heavily against Sirius’s deliciously defined torso.

And he’s just breathing heavily now, during the come down, can barely make out anything through the heavy weight around him, the one cushioning his head— but he does graciously feel Sirius’s cock fucking into his own hand against Remus’s thigh and then idly the feeling of his come splattering him, but then after that he can just barely hear the distant padding of feed against floorboards, followed by a wet washcloth being dabbed against his skin. So when he finally forces himself to focus, he sees Sirius cleaning himself off, wrapping it into the pair of joggers Remus was wearing earlier and tosses it to the corner of the room.

“Rude,” he scolds with no heat, shuffling closer to him when Sirius lies down besides him once more and circles an arm around his torso.

“THat’s what you get when you’re acting like a lazy fuck,” Sirius counters, smug as all get out while he threads a hand in Remus’s hair.

“Hmm, didn’t see that in the papers recently. Is it a new law?”

“Yeah, actually just past on the senate floor.”

“Interesting… Well considering that only one of us has a senator for a father, I really have to ask to see the power-point you shared with him to get this bill through the stalemate,” Remus’s head bounces against Sirius’s chest from the force of his laughter at the barb.

“Oh, stuff it, Lupin.”

Hiding his smile into Sirius’s skin, Remus does as told, and they both just lie there, as if everything’s gone suspended just for the pair of them, just so Remus can count out the beats of Sirius’s heart pulsing against his sternum, and can feel the way their legs tie into one another, and can feel Sirius mouthing against his temple, blowing his curls with every exhale.

And Remus thinks that he’d do anything to remember this exact moment for every single day from here on out.

But then the quiet is abruptly and permanently punctured by the sound of his phone chirping, and he has to breathe in deeply before separating from the warmth of Sirius, and fishes down for the device that’s still crammed into the side of his bed from where he had hidden it after that initial text.

“Is Dearborn still on your ass to try again?” Sirius asks, a bit stilted.

Remus wonders if he’s just imagining the tension twisted in the question, but reasons that Sirius’s never been Caradoc’s biggest fan, so he just shrugs it off— really doesn’t want to get into some stupid argument about his asshole of an ex when he’s still feeling so content. “Nah, ’s James. Still trying to force me to go to the homecoming dance with you guys.”

“Oh,” Sirius retorts, lips pinched while watching Remus redress. “You should go, Marls is pregaming and you know she always gets the good shit.”

Remus shakes his head while puttering over to find a new pair of sweats and a sweater. “Nah, just not feeling it this year— Erm, you’re taking Gid I assume.” He’s not sure why he asks it, supposes he’s always a glutton for some pain and shitty feelings to inspire his playlists habit, but also maybe it’s him trying to sober himself. Trying to remember that despite this— despite everything they just did and how easy it’s always been for them to fall into step with one another— Remus isn’t good enough to be seen with Sirius in the light of day. He’s probably not handsome enough or cool enough or something else that makes Sirius absolutely revolted from the thought. Probably that he’s beyond bookish, and looks painfully virginal and isn’t nearly as sly or snarky as his other conquests.

Truly, Remus should just be thankful that Sirius wants this at all, he shouldn’t be so crazed over the why nots of the situation— it’ll only kill him trying to be something he never could actually affect with any credence.

Schooling his features to something passably indifferent, Remus pivots to face him again, is startled when he finds Sirius still naked and staring at him with a burning sort of intensity in his storm cloud eyes.

“He hasn’t said anything, but I guess he’s assuming as much,” he finally says, running a hand through his overgrown fringe, that familiar twitch of the corner of his mouth grabbing Remus’s attention. The one that tells him Sirius is actually irritated about something he’s not letting himself say out loud.

“Erm, good? Gid’s a decent guy.” Remus mutters, head ducked once it gets to a point that he can’t stand Sirius looking at him like that— Not after how blissed out and ferocious he had been groping every inch of Remus only moments ago. “You guys are nice together.”

And it’s like the breath before the worst of storms when his words collapse between them, making the pregnant silence go suddenly suffocating.

“Right,” Sirius intones once Remus levels their gazes, hurriedly standing and collecting his own clothes, fracturing the moment completely. “Right. Whatever, yeah. I’ll go to the fucking dance with fucking Gideon Prewett. That’s good.”

“Sir—“

“No, it’s fine. You can just stay home, and mourn over that douchebag Dearborn some more, even though you ending it with that dick was the best decision you could’ve made, Remus, and I’m not even saying it just because I’m petty. He is a prick, and you need to finally get a clue how much better you deserve, damn it!”

Remus’s head feels like it’s swimming. Why is Sirius so angry all of a sudden? Does he not like Gideon? Why can’t he just cut it off like so many times before? And why the hell is he petty over Caradoc? The entire situation feels like someone’s just handed him a wedge of Swiss cheese and told him to knit it back together.

“What is up your ass?” He decides is an appropriate enough question for his floundering, and shutters back only slightly at how fuming Sirius looks when he rounds on him— clothes disheveled and fearsome glower heavy on his face.

“Whatever Remus, if you can’t see that Dearborn is bad news—“

“I’m not pining for Dearborn,” Remus interjects, really doesn’t feel like listening to one of Sirius’s ridiculous diatribes about him, not now. Not when he’s still so bewildered by everything else. “Why would you think that?”

The fire in Sirius’s eyes vanishes as quickly as someone blowing on a candle, and it’s his turn to gawk, gaping at Remus, shoulders dragged down and eyes wide. “Wait— You’re not?”

“No…. I haven’t even thought about him for weeks.”

“Oh.” Sirius looks contemplative for a moment, before the righteous anger that only he could ever wear with such conviction, melts over him once more. “All right, then what the fuck is this?”

Remus stiffens, feels his veins lace with ice, an his breath catch somewhere in his throat, really does not think he’s ready for this conversation. “This?”

“Yes, Remus, this!” Sirius demands, sounding harsh in comparison to the barely croak Remus had spoken with. “Listen I don’t care if you want me to wait some more, if you need to lick your wounds or whatever. But why are you like pushing me on other people? Why do you want me not to be around? why do you want me to go out with other dudes?”

Remus lies back on the chest of drawers now, feels beyond dazed. “What the hell are you talking about, Sirius?”

Sirius clenches his teeth right then, the hinge of his jaw going taught

before he skulks closer, not letting Remus drop his gaze. “Is it me? Is it that you just can’t see me that way? Are you just stringing me along or something? Because I really didn’t think that was your style, but if it’s that, then Remus—“

“Stringing you along?” Remus asks in a voice barely above a whisper, just needs to feel his lips forming the absolutely risible words, even if it makes it so something dark passes across Sirius’s beauteous features.

“Remus, I swear to God! Stop repeating everything I’m fucking saying!”

“Then start making some damn sense!” Remus snaps, suddenly heated as he straightens and pins him with a proper scowl. “What in holy hell are you going on about?”

“God! Do I have to spell it out!” Sirius barks, cutting the final step dividing them and grabbing for Remus’s shoulders with a tight squeeze. “I know you just wanted to fuck around with someone after Dearborn showed his extreme dickitude, and listen, I was so fucking ecstatic that you wanted me for it. But I can’t do this in-between shit anymore! I’m sorry, but I can’t! And I get if this is annoying, but I’ve been crazy for you for so long. And I just can’t keep myself at an arms length anymore, not now that we’ve really had each other, not after you let me actually touch and taste and fuck you and— Damn it, this isn’t coming out the way I wanted, all right! Damn it, maybe Evans was right and I should’ve made queue cards like some dumb ass— But then James pointed out how unromantic that was, and Marlene said—“

Gently, Remus puts his shaking fingers against Sirius’s lips, effectively killing off anything else he’s about to say. And slowly, everything is beginning to slot into place, and he’s so spiteful over how they’ve been such idiots this entire time— swears to put salt into Lily’s coffee next time he sees her.

“I didn’t know you actually were into me Sirius.”

Stunned, Sirius’s dark brows hike up to his hairline. “How the hell didn’t you know?” He demands against Remus’s fingers, thunderous and insulted looking.

“Because you never fucking said as much!” Remus defends himself, feels a mangled sort of laughter squirming out. “God, we’re idiots.”

“We’re?” Sirius asks, hesitant and red faced before Remus moves his hand to peck softly against his mouth.

“I’ve been half in love with you for years you absolute ass-wipe, it’s always been you! You and always you.” Remus tells him breathily, still fighting down the last remnants of his actual, god forsaken giggle— like he’s thirteen again and getting buzzed off his mom’s peach wine coolers. “I only never said anything because I never thought I’d have a chance with someone like you— Someone so— so— Someone so amazing.”

The smile Sirius favors him with right then is something absolutely incandescent, and his eyes shimmer with a very distinct sort of joy that Remus wonders if anyone besides him has ever witnessed. “Then you’re definitely the biggest idiot between us, Lupin.” Sirius declares, knocking their foreheads together, and lacing his hand into Remus’s own before squeezing meaningfully.

“Fuck off,” Remus snorts, presses forwards for another languorous kiss, not feeling in danger of being swallowed whole any more— finally letting himself drown and knowing that Sirius will be there to pull him back up no matter what.

“Oh, I could get used to this,” Sirius smirks, snakes his arms around Remus’s waste that bit tighter.

“Hmm, there is the problem that I usually don’t put out until at least the third or fourth date,” Remus says mildly.

“Pff, ‘s fine, Lupin,” Sirius insists, grinning beatifically. “I like you being a hussy for me!— Oof, careful with the merchandize, you were speaking some real exaltations about that part of my anatomy not too long ago.”

Moving his knee from the point at hand, Remus sticks out his tongue at him. “See if you ever get any ever again, Sirius Black.”

When Sirius laughs, it sounds like the strike of lightening against unmarked land, and the honey cloaked side of a knife’s edge, and like everything splendid Remus has ever known. And he thinks that yes, he could get used to this right back.

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #REMUSXSIRIUS #SIRIUSXREMUS #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #Spilt Ink

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futurewriter2000 · 3 years

Text

If I can't have you, nobody can - pt. 5

A/N: Ignore the caption on the GIF, I swear to God, gifs are the hardest thing to find for me when I'm writing a fic but here I am with another part before I go to work that I'm dreading. I just wanna sleep man.

You had fallen asleep in James lap and both of you had woken up just as the two of you had fallen asleep. James was the first out of the two who woke up. His neck was completely sore and as much as he wanted to grumble, he didn't because his hand that dug into the softness of your hair made him realise why he had suffered all night.

...for you.

He looked down and saw you peacefully asleep. There was a bit of tension above your brow and he gently caressed it with thumb. As he did so, the tension he didn't see on the corner of your lips and the cut of your jaw, relaxed. Your hands separated from each other, one still under your cheek while the other hugged his knee.

He felt butterflies all over again, just as he did those days in Hogwarts. But as he remembered those days, he remembered also what he had done to you and that caused his smile to fade in a frown.

' ++

"I will throw this chair into your pathetic face if you don't tell me right now why you're so cross with me?" Sirius stared at James who had been pouting for the whole morning. "Monthly visit, Potter?" he started to mock, making James snap his head back.

"I'm not cross with you!" he shouted.

"I think you're cross with him." said Remus who had just entered the room, followed by Peter.

"Why are you cross?" Peter asked, making James turn redder than usual.

"I AM NOT CROSS!!!!" he exploded.

"Aries." Remus chuckled.

"They're the one with the anger issues, right?" Peter looked at Remus.

"That's what Trelawney said." Remus shrugged.

"I DON'T HAVE ANGER ISSUES!"

"What did she say about Scorpios?" Sirius turned to Remus as Remus only rolled his eyes.

"In a nutshell? Intensely emotional and sexual drama queens and ."

Sirius was pausing for a moment. "She's not wrong." he said before turning back to James. "Think you're a Scorpio James since you're being an emotional drama queen right now."

"I think it's because of (y/n)." said Remus, pointing at himself. "Intuitive Pisces." he said proudly, making Sirius roll his eyes.

"(y/n)?" Sirius laughed, looking at James and seeing his eyes avoid his. His smile faltered. "Really James?" he scoffed. "You're jealous? After I said that I see her in a sisterly sort of way."

"She doesn't see you like that." said James. "And she thinks she has a chance with you and as long as she thinks that, I don't have a chance with her." James started to lose his rage and sinking into sadness.

"You really fancy her that lot?" Sirius simpered.

"She gives me butterflies, mate. Lots of them." James smiled.

"Had you told her that?" Sirius sat down on the chair in front of James.

"And get rejected because the way I look at you, she looks at you?"

Sirius' smile faded.

"Can't you just... stop hanging out with her?" James said in frustration.

"Yeah, I can."

++'

At that point James didn't know what he had done but everything just kept happening so fast. He thought Sirius was joking about never speaking to you again but he did with a flip of a switch. He didn't know how he could have done that to a person like you but he had done it for James and it felt empowering for him just as it did degrading for you. He promised himself to woo you over but there were final matches for the Quidditch coming up and he had found out Lily fancied him.

He didn't forget about you but the way you moved on with your life without them... completely unbothered, he thought he lost his chance with you. You just didn't care that they all stopped talking to you and now he has you in his lap and all he wants to say is how sorry he is for abandoning you. If he had known you had this kind of situation at home, he wouldn't have abandoned you... just like he didn't abandon Sirius.

Who did you have when things got rough? Sirius had James but who did you have except for yourself?

He looked down on you and he felt his heart squeeze. You seemed so strong and unbothered by your problems. All he can do is marvel at you.

He brushed away the loose strands on your forehead and leaned down to your ear. "(Y/N), dear." he whispered gently, caressing your jaw in the process. You let out a low grumble. "Morning Love." he smiled as he saw your eyebrows furrow like a little toddler's. "I'm going to make us breakfast and then we can drink our coffee on the balcony with a wonderful view on the city. What do you think?" he smiled and saw a sleepy smile appear on your lips as well.

Butterflies all over again.

You opened your eyes and looked so softly at him that the butterflies in his stomach multiplied and the feelings in his heart intensified. "Mhm." you nodded and lifted your head to let him stand up and put a pillow under your head.

He knelt down to you and put his hand over your forehead. You watched him kindly, putting your hand over his and close to your heart as you smiled. "Thank you."

He pulled it back to his lips and kissed your knuckles. "Of course." he pressed the back of your hand to his cheek before he got up and left your to rest.

----

The two of you sat on the chairs that barely fit to the balcony. You had your knees up to your chin and your coffee cup close to your chest as you looked up to the cloudy sky of England.

He came in and wrapped a blanket over your shoulders. "So you won't get cold." he said as he wrapped himself in one as well.

"Thank you." you smiled, locking with his whiskey coloured eyes and letting it drug you a bit. "For everything." you said as he looked away, then back at you.

"I didn't know... about your dad..." he looked away again.

"That he was a drunk?" you looked over the sight and grit your teeth a bit. "What father isn't a pathetic drunk nowadays?" you joked but he could sense the sharp, bitter tone in your voice. "Plus... why would I let people know that?"

"Let them know that you have problems?"

"They leave whether I tell them or not." you continued to stay a bit bitter, turning your head back to him just in time to see the guilt wash over him.

Silence overtook the bitterness and you had seen how uncomfortable you had made the man, who had took you in after a rough night, made you breakfast and did nothing but take care of you.

"I'm sorry." you muttered shamefully as he snapped his head at you.

"No, no. Don't be sorry. I think I deserved that." he muttered shamefully as well. "To be honest, I didn't have a single clue what was happening and how we drifted apart all of a sudden. Everything just happened so fast and I never wanted to leave you... and I would have never had left you knowing what you're going through."

"Which is?" you looked at him confusely.

"This thing with your dad." he said, noticing that you had had a rough time processing it. "What?" he asked as you had taken more than enough time.

"I thought you knew that?"

"You had never told me, how would I had known that?"

"Sirius knew. I thought the two of you tell each other everything."

Now it took James more time to process the information. "Sirius knew?"

"Yes. Before we got high on the Quidditch field we told each other a lot of our problems. " you said casually, smiling to yourself. "It was quite a fun day actually." you laughed as you reminisced back on it.

You two got high on the Quidditch field and expressed all your deepest darkest secrets to each other.

Now, James finally got the missing piece of the puzzle.

#james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine

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sk1fanfiction · 3 years

Text

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities.

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

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dudefrommywesterns · 3 years

Text

Title: Promise

Ship: Mike x Bill Weasley

Words: 915

Description: Bill gets attacked by Fenrir Greyback and Mike falls apart.

Warnings: none i think

It hadn't ever occurred to them how dangerous it was to love in a time like this. Not until Bill's body crumpled to the ground bleeding and they were powerless to stop it. Sirius Black had died the previous year and they had witnessed it and still, some naive part of them thought the Order was invincible, that Bill was invincible.

Mike hadn't even seen him fall. The battle with the Death Eaters had been quick-paced, every moment a flash of a face or light. The details were blurred, even in the moment.

They had helped move his limp body from the corridors to the hospital wing when the fight had ceased. It wasn't certain whether he'd live or die. The world blurred again, not due to adrenaline-filled actions but tears.

They nearly imploded under the weight of their anxiety before they were allowed to see him again. Understandably but still unfavorably, they weren't alone.

Ron, Hermione, Tonks, Remus, and a dirty blonde girl Mike had never seen before joined them around Bill's bed. Ginny and Harry joined them soon after.

Looking at Bill was difficult. Mainly because Mike wasn't sure how to feel when they looked up at his permanently scarred face.

Angry. They were sure they felt angry. Fenrir Greyback should never have been able to lay one finger on Bill. He had done this, he shouldn't still be alive. If he and Mike ever met again, he wouldn't be.

Relieved. Bill was here. Mike could see the rise and fall of his chest. His hand was warm in theirs. He would live and they could talk about this all later in bittersweet reminiscence.

When they met, Bill had been handsome, more so than anyone Mike ever had imagined dating them. Now...now they were unsure. It didn't matter, not really. It wouldn't even matter if he was a werewolf now. If he still loved Mike when he awoke, none of it would matter.

Minerva McGonagall had entered the room at some point. The rest of the group was discussing Dumbledore's death. Mike wasn't listening. They took this moment to be selfish, to pretend the rest of the world was gone and it was just themselves and this hospital bed and Bill laying in it.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came at last. Molly was beside herself with grief. She lamented her son’s good looks and eventually began to dab his face with the greenish ointment Madam Pomfrey had provided. Mike let her.

Eventually, everyone trickled out except Mike and Bill's parents.

Mike had decided no matter what happened or anyone said, they were rooted to this spot. They would be there when he woke up, even if they had to conjure up a chair and sleep in it.

Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let them all stay, and Arthur had work anyway, so he and Molly soon departed too. Mike still refused to leave.

The exertion of the day’s activities and the weight of their complex emotions soon gave way into sleep.

When they woke up again, sunlight barely trickled through the window. They doubted they got much sleep at all.

As soon as they saw their boyfriend grinning at them, though rather weakly, their tiredness moved to the backburner.

“Looks like I'm not the good looking one anymore,” he joked, though he never thought he was.

Mike snorted. “Yeah right.”

He caught a look at himself in a window.

“I didn't think it was that bad,” he said with a grimace. “I look like hell.”

“I like it,” Mike decided at last. “You look...cool.”

They leaned in. “The scars suit you, I think. Might make you hotter actually.”

He flashed them an amused grin. “Very funny.”

“Who said I was joking?”

He blushed slightly, just as his mother came in.

Mike pulled away and gave a quick greeting.

“How long has he been up?” Molly asked them.

“A couple of minutes maybe.”

Though looked like she was trying not to, she frowned when she looked at Bill. It seemed as if, despite everything, she expected him to be completely unscarred again.

Mike took a step back and let her visit with her son. They stepped outside into the corridor and watched the Hogwarts students walk by.

“He wants to see you,” Molly said as she came to the doorway. “More than he wants to see me I think.”

“I doubt that,” Mike said. “I wish I had a family like yours.”

“Ah well, we always have room for more,” she replied warmly.

Mike walked back to Bill's bed and now that all jokes were aside, they found the worry they had previously shelved.

“I thought I'd lost you,” Mike said. “I never even thought about the possibility. Once you convinced me you loved me...you were fixed in my mind. Nothing was going to take you. I was wrong and I've never been more anxious in my life. You know that's a lot coming from me.”

A silent moment passed.

“I don't know what I would've done if you died. I don't want to live without you.”

“I know we can't stop fighting this war,” Mike continued. “But please, promise me you'll do everything you can to stay here with me.”

He took their hand. “Only if you'll try and stay with me too.”

No one had ever asked Mike to live for them but they found it wasn't hard to say yes, and to mean it with every part of their soul.

#⌜ ✒ ⌟#⌜ self ship ⌟#self shipping community #romantic: no one at the bank gives a damn how i dress

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the-second-tonks · 3 years

Note

Hey!! could I play the game with Harry Potter? Could I have the characters from the golden era: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Seamus, Draco, Fred and George and also from the marauders: James, Remus, Sirius, Lilly. If one era counts as one fandom, then just the golden era for now please 🤗

I’m am a female, with the nationality French/British, and I go by she/her pronouns, I'm 173, I have short brown curly hair, with brown almond shaped eyes and fair-ish skin and big chest, with the curves. I'm an INFJ and my enneagram is 9, I am a leo and a slytherin. I am quite shy and soft spoken, and incredibly introverted with social anxiety but once I know, trust and love a person you can't quite get me to shut up. I’d say I’m quite sarcastic and witty naturally and being socially anxious doesn’t stop me from making offhanded comments sometimes. I’m also a hot head, I get angry really quickly and I usually keep it contained, I do burst sometimes and can get rather aggressive, it’s not the best but I’m working on it. So I’d say I feel emotions deeply and pick up on others emotions too. I’ve been called sensitive but I hate it, I think just because I cry when I feel intense emotions doesn’t mean I’m sensitive.

My style is quite bright with funky patterns and I like colour with my makeup(on the eyes). My favourite colours are red and yellow. I love to do art specifically painting and doodles, I’ve done a couple of pieces that I would like to get tattooed on me, I also love reading - my apartment is running out of space for my books, I like all kinds of genres, I gravitate towards more non-fiction but also graphic novels, I’m love Deadly Class and currently reading Watchmen.

I love to bake, everything really from cakes to breads, I love a challenge. I also enjoy hiking and cycling, I love to cycle to clear the mind. And I really enjoy scouring second hand shops and sites, I (probably like others) love being able to find things for cheaper even when i could get them new, I’ll spend ages on Marktplaats which is like the Dutch eBay I guess. I am passionate about the sex industry and the rights for women (men) and children within it and power role within the industry and society. I am also a hopeless romantic, I love all love and love to be loved, love and see it around me.

Hello buddy ! Yep sure ! Nah , all the eras are considered under Harry Potter fandom ! Aww dear , it's okay if you're not sensitive or hate being called that even if you aren't but just remember that being sensitive doesn't mean being weak , infact many sensitive people are the strongest ones you'll ever meet ! Being sensitive is a gift of god , do not forget to embrace it if you have it :)

This game is closed

Harry Potter

His thoughts about you

Are you both twins ? Cause that's what he thinks too . I think if you would've participated in the Harry Potter life game , I would've definitely made you his twin . Ohmy god ! How can you both be so similar . Harry always checks on your mistakes to prevent his , ya know . You both are super strong , brave and introverted together and no one understands Harry like you do , and he's grateful for that . Though you both clash a lot , he still is happy to have someone like you by his side . Harry never liked being called as weak , and you don't like being called sensitive (or maybe weak ?) So , you both get each other's back when someone calls you so .

Your relationship

Bestiesss , but I see this either turning into bro-sis or bestiess . I don't know , but I can't imagine you both being lovers lol . You both are too similar to ya know , love each other in that way , that's what I feel .

First impressions

He's gonna like your sarcasm from the beginning heheh , especially because you sass Malfoy out ryt in front of him 😂and the trio (even Hermione) couldn't hold back their laughter.

Hermione Granger

Her thoughts about you

She's fine with you until you don't talk her ear off while she's trying to study . She'll love how you're always there for Harry and Ron , but she might not like how you loose your cool often . She'll also scold you a lot , but it's upon you if you care hahhaa . She's not going to approve your hopeless romantic side , but she'll not mind it either . She'll be glad to find someone who's more towards non-fiction hehehe . She's gonna like you , but don't expect her to not scold you hehehe .

Your relationship

Friends ! I mean close friends too .

First impressions

As said , she really liked how you boldly sass Malfoy , but she wouldn't like it if you did that to a professor hahaha .

Ronald Weasely

His thoughts about you

He worries about you a lot . That's because he really loves you as a friend . He would never want to see you hurt and he'll often stand up for you . He knows the best ways to reassure you and handle your aggressiveness . You can often then more pick up on his feelings too, which makes it easier for him . Atleast he doesn't have to convey them and be all dramatic .

Your relationship

Bestiess . ... But has more potential .. like you both could date , not sure if It would work out .

First impressions

He was like - "she's bloody brilliant, Harry !" He was impressed by you in the first go . And he really wanted to be friends with you . Yeah in the beginning it was tough , but later , it wasn't with anyone else that you got along so good with (except Harry sometimes hehe)

Neville Longbottom

His thoughts about you

I can't help but see how you get along with everyone in this fandom hahaha . He loves how he can share his anxiety problems with you . He's super shy too , so he'll find comfort in you . Your sarcasm might take him off guard sometimes , but mostly , he'll be super fun with you . He'll be himself , he'll be free and he'll have no pressure of proving himself . He'll love how you make him feel , but we all know Neville's a fighter at the end of the day . Even though he finds solace in your company , he'll not stay there long enough .

Your relationship

Really close and strong bonded friendship

First impressions

He really thought of you as someone who's just like him . But when you opened up , he realised you weren't.

Seamus Finnigan

His thoughts about you

He might not be that friendly with you first , and that's what he regrets a lot . Because on seeing your fun side , he's in kinda love with you . OOO. You got an admirer hahah . He'll definitely ask you out in the fourth year ! He thinks your shyness , which is hiding such a vibrant personality is a perfect example of why someone shouldn't judge a book by it's cover . Your sarcasm is gonna make him laugh always.

Your relationship

Hehe it's upon you if you wanna date him, i feel it has a lot chances to work.

First impressions

As said earlier , he didn't talk a lot with you . Inshort he didn't care much , until he saw you with Dean , being super fun and it intrigued him to know you .

Draco Malfoy

His thoughts about you

Hmm...he hates you when you know what he feels . He just calls you sensitive to get under your skin (successfully) but he secretly knows how strong you are . And he admires that sometimes . Even though he has no hate to give you , he'll not be good with you . Super Meany , but super blushy when you catch his feelings (like if he really wants to be mean or is just doing it for his image) . He'll not like when you sass him , and he'll not spare you until you literally get all agressive .

Your relationship

Could be enemies to lovers . I wouldn't recommend you dating him though , because I don't think he'll be able to handle your agressive-ness and you won't be able to handle his coward nature . Seamus is better .

First impressions

Oh please , I can't even measure the amount of underestimation . He literally thought he could pick up on you ...

Fred and George Weasley

Their thoughts about you

Hmmm.. they're okay with you . They like how you're fun and stuff but they'll not prank you because they've seen your agressive and bursting out side .

Your relationship

They're your bestfriend's(maybe even boyfriend's) siblings hahah .

First impressions

Oh they thought you're innocent little lost Princess hahaha . But they were about to prank you .. and maybe they did too , but seeing your anger , they thought of teasing you more but Molly scolded them the following vacation and surprisingly they agreed on not troubling you . Because maybe they had better reactive people (sorry Fred and George are meanies)

James Potter

His thoughts about you

While in lightning era , if he were alive , he'd love you and you'd strongly remind him of Harry , always . Because I feel like Harry might have a few fights with James , when you'll comfort James... In the marauder's era , he'll like you and you both might even be really close , but he has his own temper so I think you both might get into pretty ugly fights with each other .

Your relationship

He's your (can-be-called) family in lightning era . But in marauder's , he's your friend .

First impressions

He underestimated you , kinda because you were shy and stuff and James is exact opposite of shy , that is bold . He didn't think you both could get along , considering the fact that you're Slytherin .

Lily Potter (neè Evans)

Her thoughts about you

Hmm.. she'll love your shy as well as fun side . She'll also love how feisty your sarcasm is lol . She'll help you open up when you're being super shy and anxiety is hitting you . In lightning era , if she were alive , she'd appreciate your presence with Harry , but she would scold all three of you for your hot-headedness

Your relationship

Friends ! She's your (can-be-called) family in lightning era

First impressions

She was in a class with you , so you both were working on a project together lol . She saw how you were actually interested in non -fiction and you both had loads of discussion on different things !

Sirius Black

His thoughts about you

Hmmmmm...in lightning era , he's actually fine with you and you and Harry are super similar to him . He's always gonna be confusing to you though ... One time he'll listen to you , one time he won't . So buckle up to deal with him lol . In marauder's era , he might consider you really innocent and kinda angel types , so he might flirt with you a lot to fluster you while you're being shy , but I'm sure you'll shock him with your fun side and he might fall for you then hehehhe. He'll also find your hopeless romantic thingy duper cute but I think he'll not admit that easily hhehe .

Your relationship

I might ship you with him in marauder's era . In lightning era , he's your bestfriend's godfather lol.

First impressions

He thought of you as someone who has nothing to do with playboy's , but he was also in love with your sarcasm . Absolutely had no innocent thoughts about you .

Remus Lupin

His thoughts about you

Yeah he was fine with you . Okay let's face the truth that you got along super well . He'll always be there to comfort you and handle your anger , while you'll be there with him for his werewolf issues . In lightning era , he'll be super helpful to you as a professor .

Your relationship

Maybe bestiess in marauder's era ofc . You both always would have a really close and deep bond even without meeting each other everyday

First impressions

Ahh , he was the only one who threw you a comforting and forgiving smile when you literally bursted out and needed space . So yeah he was kind with you from the beginning and that's how you bonded .

Don't forget to interact (i.e like or reblog) with this post .

Thank you for the immense motivation you gave me !

#harry potter ships #harry potter x you #james potter x you #sirius black #sirius being sirius #seamus finnigan #draco lucius malfoy #harry ron hermione #lily evans #remus x you #urgingforyou

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chudleycanonficfest · 3 years

Text

Dancing Around You

Day 31, Post #2 by @adenei

Title: Dancing Around You

Author: adenei

Pairing: James x Lily

Prompt: First Date

Rating: T

TW: Some language and mentions of past abuse.

a/n: inspired by the scene in In The Heights when Vanessa and Usnavi go to the club.

*****************

I walk into the corner shop in my neighborhood and see James, Remus and Sirius talking by the counter. The scene causes more annoyance to course through me, which probably stems from the shit mood I’m already in. James and Sirius are supposed to be working, since this is their job. And why isn’t Remus at the broadcast station across the street at his own job?

So what if James owned the shop after it was left to him when his parents passed? Work is still work, and he shouldn’t be skiving off while on shift. I’ve busted my arse day in and day out for the last three years so I could save up to rent a flat in Camden to pursue a career as an interior designer. Moving out of Peckham to a more centralized location will help put me on the map as a well sought after designer.

But that was all for nothing. I’ve just returned from my meeting with the realtor, and despite having enough rent saved up for a whole year, plus the security deposit, he waved me off as if I belonged in the slums! The twat said I needed someone to co-sign a lease with me. Tears sting my eyes as I’m reminded once again of how alone I am. Having walked out at seventeen to escape my parents’ emotional abuse for the last seven years, I had no one to turn to despite the close-knit neighborhood I lived in because this was a secret goal that no one knew about.

I’m sure Marlene’s mum would be more than happy to co-sign a lease with me, but I couldn’t ask that of her. Not when she’s done so much for me already. No, I just need to hold my head high and keep moving forward. I put on my business face and strengthen my resolve, so the boys don’t suspect anything out of the ordinary.

Walking over to the fridge, I grab a Fanta and a Coke for Mrs. McKinnon. When I left the office earlier for my appointment, she asked me to bring one back. Now, I have to return to my job as her secretary at her own Real Estate office and try not to resent every client who walks in the door. When I shut the refrigerator door and turn to head to the register, I see James leaning against the glass of another fridge door.

When the hell did he creep up on me?

“Evans, how’s it going?”

“It’s been better.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

For a moment, I think about letting him in. I open my mouth to say something, but change my mind at the last second.

“You wish.”

“Right, well, what are you doing tomorrow?”

Narrowing my eyes, I observe James. We’ve been friends for years, and it’s a friendship I cherish more than anything. He’s always been there to make me laugh, to match my sarcasm and wit, and he’s never been afraid to go toe-to-toe with me. I know him well, almost as well as I know myself, but I’m not expecting his question or the butterflies that flutter in my stomach in response.

I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive. His perpetual bedhead, black hair and piercing yet kind hazel eyes have always stood out to me. It’s no secret that he’s fit from lifting boxes all day and playing on a club football team in his free time. But I’ve never allowed myself to think there could be anything more between us besides friendship.

So, why does it feel like he’s asking me out? Am I misreading the signs? I decide to keep the ball in his court to get a better read on his intentions.

“I’m going dancing with Marlene and Mary,” I reply, keeping my voice cool and collected.

“Oh, sounds like fun.” He glances down at the bottles in my hands. “All set, then?”

I nod, and If I’m not mistaken, his shoulders slump as he turns to head back to the counter. Should I have invited him and the guys to join us? Before I can ponder it further, Sirius cuts me off and pushes me back into the aisle.

“You and the girls are going dancing? That sounds like fun. I’d bet my buddy over there would love to join you.” He raises his eyebrows as if willing me to catch his subtle hint, which I do.

“Wait, was James just trying to ask me out tomorrow?”

Sirius shrugs. “Probably, but you two have been friends forever, and despite his smooth-talking with most females, he seems to get tongue-tied around you.”

A burst of laughter bubbles out of me. “James? Tongue-tied? Around me? What are you smoking?”

“Nothing, Evans. Just pointing out a fact.”

Fine, if Sirius is going to pester me about this, I will prove him wrong. I brush past him toward James so I can pay for the drinks and be on my way. Sliding a couple pounds to James over the counter, I smirk at him.

“You know, Potter, I could use a dancing partner tomorrow night. Pick me up at eight?”

His head snaps up, and he looks shocked before a goofy smile replaces the surprise on his face. “Er, yeah, alright. I mean, if you’re sure—”

Cutting him off, I put him out of his misery. “Great, see you then.”

The following evening, we’re walking into Alohomora, the most popular nightclub in Peckham. My friends and I frequent the club at least once a month. I love its mix of neons glowing amongst the blacklights and the worn leather benches framing the booths around the perimeter of the dance floor. It’s come to feel like a second home to me.

Dancing is an outlet for my frustrations. I love letting the music consume my soul as the loud thumps of the bass vibrate through my body as I spin on the floor. Tonight will be no different, except that James is with me. As my date. At least, I think he’s my date. Neither of us have actually talked about what this is.

“Wow, I haven’t been here in ages. Have they changed the layout recently?” James asks.

“Not that I can recall,” I wave his question off as I hear a number of people shout my name in greeting.

“I didn’t realize how popular you were here, Evans. I’m impressed.”

“Impressed by what? It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I have more friends than you three. I hope that doesn’t make you jealous.” My playful banter is accompanied by a smirk as James laughs.

“Me? Jealous? Of course not. Care for a drink first?”

“Sure.”

Usually, I’d prefer to dance a bit first, but I don’t want to drag James onto the dance floor if he doesn’t want to. I’m not even sure if he enjoys dancing since I’ve never seen him here before. He’s flagging down the bartender when someone calls to me.

“Lily! Hey, Lily!” Terry Fawcett is pushing his way through the crowded dance floor. “Wanna dance?”

He holds out his hand when he reaches me, but I shake my head.

“Sorry, Ter, I’m here with someone else tonight.”

James turns as he overhears the interaction and waves me on. He contorts his face in a weird, ‘trying to be chill, but still looks sort of pained’ way.

“It’s alright, Evans, go ahead.”

I’m taken aback. Maybe we really weren’t on a date. “But—are you sure?”

“Yeah, just save one for me later.”

“Oh, well, alright.”

My hand falls into Terry’s even though I’m not certain I want to dance with him. There’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m not used to as I walk away from James. It’s ridiculous, but I think I’m actually disappointed that James passed me off so easily. And I’m just as mad at Sirius for even putting the thought that James might fancy me in my head because it’s all I’ve been able to think about since yesterday afternoon.

Well, there’s only one way to find out once and for all if he cares. Make him jealous.

I dance as I’ve never danced before when the music changes to an upbeat Latin tune. I spin around the floor, dancing with Terry before I’m passed off to other men that I’ve danced with once or twice in the past. It takes everything in my power to not steal glances at James, but I do catch when his baffled look turns dark as he begins to scowl at the men who are practically lined up to dance with me.

By the time he does walk out to the dance floor to cut in, I’m exhausted. He pulls me into his arms, but I’m still annoyed that he’s waited this long.

“Potter, I need a break.”

I pull away from him and walk toward the bar, where Sirius holds two drinks in his hands. I grab one and slam it down, shoving the glass into his chest once it’s empty. Then, I turn and head for the exit to get some air. It’s much quieter on the street, save for the ambient sounds of traffic in the background, a stark contrast to inside the club. I lean against the wall as I catch my breath and watch the cars go by.

The door to the club opens, and the music splits the night air as James steps out.

“Evans, what the hell was that?”

“What was what?” I ask, feigning ignorance.

What? Is he angry? Good. Let him be angry.

“You! You ask me to come with you, spend all night dancing with other blokes, and then when I try to cut in, you ditch me.”

A derisive bark escapes my lips as I push off the wall and step closer to him, matching his stance.

“Don’t you dare try to blame this on me, Potter. You’re the one who pushed me away! I would have been perfectly happy dancing with you all night, but no, you sat back and watched as I danced with everyone else.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do!?”

He can’t be serious right now, playing the victim and passing this onto me. There’s no way I’m letting him get away with this. I step even closer, thankful that my heels bring me closer to eye level with him, so it’s more of an even match.

“I don’t know, put your arm around me and tell the bloke to fuck off? That I’m taken?”

“Are you taken?”

“I don’t know, am I?”

Our breathing is heavy, chests heaving as our noses are a hair’s width apart. All I can focus on is the intensity in his eyes, the gold flecks burning like the flames in a fire. I wait for him to say something, or do something, anything except stare at me. I give him more than enough time, and he doesn’t make a move, so I decide that I’m done.

As much as I don’t want to, I break eye contact and turn away. I’m not in the mood to stay out, so I begin the walk home. James and I are friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be, but that doesn’t stop me from cursing Sirius for putting the thought that we could be more in my head. Because now that I’ve accepted the thought, I’m not sure I want to stay friends. But it’s clear now, this wasn’t meant to be anything special, and I was stupid for thinking it could be.

#chudleycanonficfest2021 #HP fest #hp canon pairings #canon fest romantic

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lyallblacklupin · 3 years

Text

Don’t miss the Yule Ball.

Sirius finally opens up to James Potter, and he realizes a lot of things. He has decided he will go the yule ball, but the question is: with whom?

Tags: Post-Incident with Severus Snape, Angst with Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Trust Issues.

Chapter 3

Sirius kept chewing his first bite for a little longer than he was supposed to, because Remus had left the Great Hall looking apprehensive, and gruesome. He sighed through his breakfast, waiting for the day to get by. He was pushing down all the unnecessary thoughts and emotions because he didn’t want to expect anything from anyone, especially how the last night had turned out.

He had woken up with a better feeling—if he had to be honest with himself—because Remus had finally not just smiled at him but hugged him with genuine earnest and he had held him until Sirius was done crying. The memory was painfully sweet in his head. Nevertheless, he was slightly hopeful than yesterday. Remus had always tried to bring the best out of him. The tug of war in his brain about his friendship and relationship with Remus was easing out in his mind, while also clenching his heart. He took another bite of his porridge, and thought that he should stop worrying about normalcy. He realized that wanting normal with this desperation was going to make him fall in the pits of agitation. He was not able to deal with another heartache. For once, he wanted to give his heart a break.

He gulped down his bite, and he decided he was going to the same with his desires and dreams. He was going to be grateful of the things he had in life; Good friends, miles away from his abusive parents, good education, and especially, his magic. He was himself because he knew how to kindle fire by the swipe of his fingers, he could wave his wand and conjure blue stardust while walking alone in the forest, and he could conjure a patronus to keep the sadness away for a while.

His thinking cycle came to a halt when James and Peter rushed to the hall, and haphazardly began swallowing their breakfast. Sirius was so captured seeing them not uttering a word and gulping down their teas and milk in one breath.

“Merlin, Pads—could have told us—“ James was managing to breathe while munching his toasts, debauching all the manners and etiquettes of eating by spraying the breadcrumbs everywhere on the table.

“Wow, Prongs, you really know how to eat.” Sirius laughed amusingly. Both of the Marauders glared at him. And once they were done, James said that they were already five minutes late for Transfiguration. This time Sirius didn’t think of manners at all, and stumbled out his seat as the three of them raced to the classroom. The air whooshed through them as they pushed through the crowd of students and teachers who shouted things like ‘Hey! Watch it!’ and ‘5 points from Gryffindor!’

The air smelled of nostalgia as Sirius felt the adrenaline in his blood and giddiness in his stomach. The three of them were running like they used to when Filch would catch them and they would hide in the broom cupboards for hours until the course were clear, and then they would laugh like maniacs. It felt all the same to Sirius when they reached the classroom, and he was getting breathless in the most satisfying way. The doors opened, stealing everyone’s attention. Mcgonacall had her usual glare, and Sirius spotted Remus sitting with Lily, his face looked scarlet which made Sirius feel the same heating flush beneath his cheeks and neck.

“Mr Potter, Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew, why is it always you three to be late in my class?” There was something different about Mcgonacall as her gaze is fixed at Sirius. He could swore that there was a hint of smile playing on her lips. She ordered them to take seats, and Peter sat with Mary while James with Sirius. The both of them had to keep hands on their mouths to suppress the bubbling laughter. James gave him a playful nudge, his eyes were whispering something meaningful, and Sirius felt a gush of affection for him.

The day went by with Double Transfiguration with the Slytherins, Charms with Ravenclaws, and Double History of Magic with the Hufflepuffs. James and Sirius were walking to the common room to put their books and notes and then return to the dinner with the rest of Marauders.

“So, Padfoot…” James smirked at him, “I have an unbelievable news to share with you.”

“Have you finally learn not to make a fool of yourself?” Sirius got a harsh fling of James’ arm around his shoulder that he staggered in his pace, almost collapsing on the floor but James held him firmly.

“Hey, hey, hey,” James’ voice was soaked with concern, “You okay? I’m sorry I didn’t know I was that harsh.”

“No, it was not harsh.” Sirius managed to say but the other didn’t seem convinced. He was getting some serious brain-fogs from the past few days, and he hadn’t told anyone yet, not even Madam Pomfrey.

“Then what was that, Sirius? What is going on? Are you not well?” Those were so many questions for Sirius to answer. He didn’t want to disrupt his day which was finally going better for the first time in forever. However with James’ big hazel eyes were staring at him like that as if they were saying hundreds of things to him he felt the urge to tell him everything—by everything meant everything.

And then they didn’t return for dinner, they were in their dorm alone with no interruption. Sirius told him how frequently he had been experiencing panic attacks, and how much tired he felt, like always, how he felt like his bones were feeble, and his muscles were aching, how he was also experiencing constant brain-fogs. And then, he also told him how he was dealing with emotional pain the most, how constantly he was thinking and trying to commit act of self-harm, and how much he was thinking how he had let the Marauders down. James listened him very carefully with full attention, nodded in the right places and shushed him when Sirius talked about how much he missed Remus. He was struggling to get louder because his voice was not cooperating with him. He was gushing out all of the emotions which were buried in the depths of him. He cried at some parts but he was calm because James’ hand was there squeezing his arm, and rubbing his back. When they were done, they fell into comfortable silence, and Sirius felt as light as a feather.

“So what was the good news?” Sirius said to break the silence.

“Uh…” James smiled weakly at him, “I asked Evans to go with to the ball as my date and she said yes.”

Sirius smiled at him genuinely, “I’m happy for you, Prongs.” He hit him with a playful punch but James didn’t respond too much. He looked sad, and it was awkward. Sirius never wanted that. They fell into another round of silence before he felt two arms wrapped from his behind, tugging there. Sirius put his hands on James’, sitting under the cloud of melancholy.

“I’m sorry, Padfoot. You were keeping a lot inside of you. I don’t like when you do that.” Sirius smiled warmly at his mildly aggressive voice, “I am your brother, and you are supposed to tell me that. And all of that. Everything, buddy. I love you, you know that right?”

“There is no reason to be a sap, Potter.” Sirius elbowed him, “But yeah, and I love you, too. Always have and always will.”

“Look, who’s a bigger sap now.”

“Okay, Evans said yes—“ Sirius pulled away to face him, but he was cut off by James in mid-sentence.

“For the ball. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

James didn’t smile. There was still something despondent about him. After a brief silence, he said, “Pads, this may sound a little weird but hear me out…” Sirius nodded, “You should ask Moony for tomorrow.”

“Oh no, no, no, no,”

“Why!?” James whined.

“’Why’? What do you mean ‘why’? Out of all people, you should not be the one to say that.”

“No, Padfoot, I should be the person to say that! You told me how he encouraged to go to the ball. I mean, why would he? Either he is trying to be your mom and asking you to have fun or he is giving signals for you to ask him to be your date for the ball!”

“Considering Remus, he was definitely being a mother-hen.”

“Think about it, Moony doesn’t easily like someone. He never dated anyone except you because you are the one he fell in love with, you tosser!

That’s when the door swung open, revealing Remus and Peter which confused looks. Sirius felt like his heart was in his throat.

“Thought we’d find you guys here.” Peter said, throwing his satchel on his bed, “Why did you miss dinner?”

“Oh, we completely lost track of time.” Sirius said successfully because the room had started to feel small with Remus’ presence, “We should go to the kitchen, Prongs.” He was hoping he could just skip the anxiety and continue his chance of talking out with James more. He was talking after ages, and it felt lighter and easy. Suddenly, he was very grateful for having James Potter in his life.

“Oh, you know what, you stay here. Wormy and I will bring food for you.” James piped up with his stupid grin, and Sirius began to have second thoughts on being grateful of James.

“What!?” Peter retorted, “But I just came back!”

“And you could come back again, my best friend Wormy!” Sirius scowled at James who in returned gave him a thumbs-up, gesturing to talk to Remus who was putting down his books in on his nightstand. Soon, the whiny Peter and an overly-smart James were out of the dorm, leaving him and Remus alone.

Sirius was fidgeting with his fingers anxiously, gazing at Remus’ back.

“I can feel you staring at me.” Sirius thought he was completely frozen. Remus turned to face him, smiling small at him.

“Yeah…” Sirius let out a breathless chuckle, “I was just…”

Awkward silence.

“Remus, I wanted to ask you something and if you don’t think the same way, I would completely understand.” His heart was hammering in his chest. Remus nodded at him. He took a deep breath and finally the words were out, “Will you go to the ball with me as my date?”

Extremely awkward silence. Remus was opening and closing his mouth to say something but no words were audible enough as an answer to Sirius. That’s because he doesn’t have any answer, Sirius thought to himself.

“Sirius…” Remus finally said, “I can’t.”

It wasn’t like Sirius wasn’t expecting this, but it still hurt him like a dagger shot right into his heart.

“I mean…” Remus continued, scratching the back on his head or pulling his sleeve, “it’s not like I don’t want to, because I do…A lot, actually…”

His voice was turning croaky, and Sirius was able to see that it was not easy for Remus either.

“But, I already have a date.” This time it hurt more than earlier. Sirius wanted to laugh, and he did. Remus froze, looking dumbfounded. It was a strange thing that hurting not always accompany the act of shedding tears. Sirius was actually laughing at himself that he was a fool to believe, like actually believe.

“Of course, of course,” Sirius wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes, “Of course, you have a date. How can you not?” He was shaking his head, still unable to control his laugh. It was a very wrong judgment.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 4 coming soon!

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wolfstar-supremacy-innit · 3 years

Text

"Tell who?"- Part 2

Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Alternatively:

The Marauders are in their 6th year at Hogwarts, it's New Year's Eve and Remus writes a New Year's resolutions list. Sirius finds it the next day. The story is written from Remus' point of view. It's wolfstar and lighthearted. Kinda inspired by this fanfic.

This is part 2 of the story. I will be posting the other parts separately here and also the full fic on ao3 (I will link everything when it's done, check this post for that in some time). Warnings: underage drinking and smoking, mentions of anxiety disorder.

Part 1 Part 3

Enjoy! :)

“Moony! Get up, mate!” Like it was that easy. He couldn’t even get himself to pry his eyes open. It was James that woke him. “Come on, mate. We gotta show up at breakfast, so nobody gets suspicious.” Remus groaned and turned onto his back. A dreadful headache split his forehead.

“Ugh, fuck me.”

“Not right now, Moony. We gotta dash.” He could practically feel James’ stupid grin.

“Fine, fine. I’m getting up.” He blinked his eyes open, pushing onto his elbows, then slowly sat up. The throb in his temples was menacing. He got up gingerly. No nausea. Good. Picking out clean clothes from his neatly organised wardrobe, he headed for the bathroom. “Pete and I should probably go as soon as possible. Will you be alright to bring him down to the Great Hall,” he heard James question as he shut the door.

The shower did wonders to Remus’ hangover. It diminished his headache and helped clear his vision. It also felt nice to be in clean clothes, even though it was devastating having to take Sirius’ shirt off. But letting himself feel his emotions was no more, so he pushed down that thought. Remus walked back into the dorm, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Lifting his gaze, he noticed Sirius leaning against his bedpost with one ankle crossed over the other. His lips were pulled in a small smile. Their eyes connected.

“Tell who?”

Remus’ stare fell on the yellow paper in Sirius’ hand and the realisation hit him momentarily. His heart dropped all the way to the floor. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no... His mouth was utterly dry. Fear and panic washed over him like a thousand giant ocean waves coming down at once. ‘I wanna tell him I love him,’ he had written. Holy fucking fuck, he thought, Sirius knows I like a boy. There was a deafening, high pitched ringing in his ears.

“M-my dad... I never tell him that.” He was grasping at straws.

“Remus, come on,” Sirius huffed out a short laugh as he pushed himself off the board. He was shooting Remus this terribly meaningful look, and Remus begged the ground to crack open and claim him.

“I...“ Then before much further thinking, Remus turned on his heel and darted out the room and down the stairs as Sirius called out his name.

Fucked. He was so fucked. Idiot. Imbecile. How could he have written that and then just left it lying around?! Idiot. He smacked his forehead as he rounded a corner, then scuttled down the hallway. He was headed for his favourite hiding spot- a cosy alcove in the wall behind a tapestry on the fourth floor. Settling on the stone ground, Remus went through his breathing exercises. It wasn’t the first time he’d had an anxiety attack, except it was usually something associated with his lycanthropy. Shit, thank Merlin I didn’t write his name. He exhaled a shaky breath. It could have been worse, at least. He’s never drinking again, he concluded. Well, Sirius knew Remus liked boys. A boy. That was that. He rested his head on the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He stayed like that for a while, just breathing.

“Moony,” a voice called behind the tapestry. It was Sirius. Remus’ heart rate spiked again. “Stop freaking out, mate.”

“I can’t,” Remus replied.

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

Sirius pulled back the tapestry and gracefully climbed inside. He was clutching the map. He sat opposite Remus and drew his knees to his chest so they could both fit in the alcove. Remus was looking at the ground.

“Here, I brought you a sandwich. You skipped breakfast. Can’t imagine it helped your hangover.”

Remus took it without looking up. “Thanks.”

After a moment, Sirius started: “This is because it’s a him, right?”

“Well...” Remus cleared his throat. It’s also kinda because it’s you. “Yeah.”

“And what? You think I wouldn’t be okay with that?” Silence. “I don’t care about stuff like that, you idiot.” Sirius’ voice was incredibly soft and comforting. Remus finally looked at him. He shook his head and buried his face in his knees.

“Christ. Of course you don’t. It’s just... It’s a big deal for me. Nobody knows.”

“That’s alright, Moony, I get it. It’s all good with me." He paused. "So, are you... if you don’t mind me asking...” Remus drew his head back up. Sirius was asking if he was gay.

“I have no idea what I am, honestly. This has never happened before. Then again, it hasn’t happened with a girl, either.”

“Well, that’s fine. You have your whole life to figure it out.” Sirius flashed him a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah.” Remus’ lips curved as well.

After a few beats of silence, Sirius continued: “Moony in love... Blimey, this bloke must be something else, eh?” Yup.

“Well, I don’t know about love... I was pretty pissed last night when I wrote that.”

Sirius chuckled, throwing his head back. “Right. So... Does he fancy you back, d’you reckon?”

Remus couldn’t suppress the panicked short laugh that escaped his mouth. “No.” Sirius liking him back? What a joke.

“Well, how do you know? He doesn’t even know you fancy him, it seems.”

“Nope, and I hope it stays that way until the end of time.”

“Merlin, who is this lad anyway?”

“I’m not telling you!” Remus’ cheeks were flaming. There wasn’t a force in the world that could have made him look Sirius in the eye. This was a little too close for comfort.

“Hah, fine. One step at a time.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Their ankles were touching. Remus pushed down his feelings of affection with all the mental strength he could gather.

“Um, could you not tell Wormtail and Prongs, please? I’m just not ready for people to know.”

“Of course, mate. You know you can talk to me about it, though?” His expression was soft and understanding.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Brilliant. Okay then.” Sirius pushed himself up and dusted off his trousers. “Should we get out of here? This is definitely a secret snogging spot.” He offered a hand to Remus and pulled him to stand as well.

“Please don’t taint the aura of my favourite hideout, Padfoot.”

This is why Remus liked Sirius so much. Of course, he was strikingly good-looking and cool as hell, but Remus liked his personality more. Sirius was a troublemaker and joked around with everyone, but when it came to moments like this, he was an incredible and supportive friend. Never short on advice (even if it was questionable a lot of the time). He never hesitated to go above and beyond for the people he loved. These were also the reasons why Remus reckoned he’d had a crush on his best friend for much longer than 4 months. Sirius’ looks just made it crystal clear, but Remus had been falling for him for years. Maybe love wasn’t such a strong word after all...

On the way back to their dormitory, Sirius asked: “Is it that Ravenclaw guy you study with at the library? What’s his face? Oliver?”

An obvious choice, but wrong. “Shut up,” Remus said, looking straight ahead, but the corners of his mouth lifted.

“Okay.” Sirius put his hands up, smiling. “Not Oliver, then.”

Sirius kept prodding him like that every once in a while for the following two weeks. Sometimes he would point at a random bloke in the hall and ask if that was Remus’ mystery crush. It made Remus laugh. Generally, it didn’t bother him at all and even became rather amusing. It grew into a sort of an inside joke between them.

They were sitting side by side at dinner one evening after all the students had returned from the holidays. Sirius was in his curious, mischievous mood.

“Oh! The- the muggle kid we hung out with last Christmas? When we were at James’,” he tried.

“Hah, no,” Remus answered, “I saw him like twice.” Sirius huffed.

“Is it somebody from home, then? Somebody I don’t know?”

Remus could’ve lied. He could’ve lied so easily. Still, he decided against it, given how dreadful he was at keeping life-changing secrets. He shook his head, looking at his plate. Sirius leaned so close to him, their shoulders touched. He all but started bouncing in his seat.

“So it is someone from Hogwarts!” Remus didn’t bring himself to answer. Instead, he shoved a particularly packed fork into his mouth. They were silent for a few moments, then: “Is it Snivellus?”

“Yuck, Sirius!” Remus shoved his shoulder as they both laughed.

“So, why don’t you just tell this bloke of yours, then?”

“Ha. Because he’s straight.”

“Oh, bummer. Sorry, Moony.”

Remus wanted to bang his head on the table. If only Sirius knew he was apologising for himself being straight. “It is how it is.”

Back in their dorm, a parcel was sitting on Sirius’ bed. “Padfoot, something arrived for you earlier. I paid the owl,” James explained.

“Oh, yes! They arrived! Cheers, mate.” Sirius leapt onto his bed and started tearing the paper. “What is it,” James asked, leaning closer to Sirius’ bed and peering at the package. Remus and Peter were doing the same. “My rings,” he exclaimed, sliding a silver loop onto his finger. He placed one on his ring finger, one on his thumb and two on his index finger, then stretched out his arm to examine his hand. They were all different shapes.

“Wicked,” James blurted out.

“Yeah, wicked,” Peter repeated. Remus could just sit and gawk like his mouth was sewn shut. What the fuck, Remus thought. He’s trying to kill me. It was hot. It was hot. Like his hands could get any sexier.

“Don’t worry, Moony, it’s not real silver,” Sirius said with the biggest grin on his face. Remus could just nod, swallowing thickly. Yeah, that was a good excuse for why he was baffled.

Sirius wore his rings everywhere. To class, to every meal, sneaking around the castle at night to arrange their next prank. And Remus loved it. After the initial bewilderment subsided, he adored looking at them. However, it didn’t help reduce his massive fucking crush on Sirius. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. Girls would come up to Sirius at lunch to tell him ‘his rings look amazing’, and Remus would almost start growling. It was a bit of a problem. He needed to repeatedly tell his brain to shut up in these moments.

***

Sirius was running out of ideas for who Remus' infamous crush could be. Remus was a bit concerned he would actually figure it out. However, Sirius just started bringing it up less and less. It seemed like the entire thing was blowing over and Remus was getting away with it.

They were sitting on James’ bed, leaned over the map. There was nobody else in the dorm. Their bodies were close together, Remus’ right shoulder behind Sirius’ left.

“Good old Prongsy,” Sirius said. James’ dot on the map was in the hallway outside the Great Hall. Lilly’s dot was right next to it. “He’s probably making an idiot of himself again. Poor lad’s gonna get himself hexed.” Remus laughed.

“I admire him,” Remus said, “I would have died from embarrassment by now.”

“Oh, have you seen it?!” Sirius suddenly turned to look at him, their noses almost brushed. Remus’ heart skipped a beat.

“Seen what?”

“The abomination James made for Evans for Valentine’s day!”

“For Valentine’s? But it’s January,” Remus said as Sirius opened the drawer of James’ bedside table and reached inside. He pulled out a wooden cube that fit in the palm of his hand.

“It opens on my voice for now. Later he’ll change it to activate when Evans says ‘James’.” In that moment the top of the box popped open and the sides fell to reveal a petit yellow bird figurine. Just as Remus thought: Oh, this is cute, a blearing sound spread through the room. “Evans,” the bird boomed in James’ voice, “go on a date with me this Hogsmeade weekend!” Remus grimaced at the volume of the noise.

“My idea to make it loud,” Sirius said with a proud grin.

“Oh, why did you help him with it?!” Remus started laughing.

“He’s gonna transfigure it into a real bird and make it sit oh her shoulder giving her compliments the whole day. I haven’t decided whether I’m gonna let him go through with it. Reckon it might be worth it to see the look on Evans’ face.”

“This is bad.” Remus couldn’t stop sniggering. “This is so bad.”

“The lad has no shame. Maybe you could make one for your mystery man. I bet it would change his views,” Sirius joked. He was being incredibly charming. Remus couldn’t help it. When you’re not supposed to look at something, it’s all your eyes want to do. He dropped his gaze to Sirius’ flawless lips. It wasn’t discreet at all. Remus realised he was leaning towards him, smiling stupidly. Sirius’ eyes flickered between Remus’ as realisation flashed across his expression. He drew back a little. “Oh,” was all he said. Remus’ smile dropped suddenly as he pulled back as well.

“Me?”

Remus’ heart was thumping in his ears. It kind of felt like his soul was leaving his body. No, actually, he was sure his soul was leaving his body. Suddenly, he scrambled off the bed frantically, saying: “Fuck, sorry,” then crossed the room in three large, quick steps and bolted out the door. “Moony,” he heard the dim and distant shout. Deja vu. Only this time he’d had enough sense to grab the map.

Part 1 Part 3

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engie-ivy · 3 years

Text

After the betrayal, after the murder, Remus wonders if he could've known? After all, hasn't it always been clear Sirius Black is mad?

Wolfstar Angst. There are some Fluffy moments in between, but it comes down to Angst.

Never Like This

Don’t cry.

The ceremony is drawing to an end. Soon, all that needs to be said, will have been said. Which seems absurd to Remus. How can all ever be said? There’s so much to say, for most of which words don’t even exist. Still, the final words will soon have been spoken, and they’ll walk to the cemetery of Godric’s Hollow, where members of the Potter family have been buried for generations. Where Lily and James will have their last resting place.

Don’t cry.

Not now, not here, not in front of all these people. Remus can feel their eyes burning on his back. He can just imagine the conversations.

“Is that-?”

“Yeah, that’s him!”

“That scrawny, pale fellow? He’s the Werewolf who fought in The Order?”

“Poor guy, all his friends are dead now. Well, except for the one who’s hopefully wishing he were dead.”

“Hey, weren’t they...?”

“They say they were.”

“And he never realised...?”

“Apparently not.”

“How naive can someone be.”

It’s only in his head, and he can’t actually hear anyone talking, but it seems real to him. He won’t break down in front of all these people. He won’t show that kind of vulnerability.

Don’t cry. Be a man, Lupin. Don’t cry.

Immediately, he can hear Lily’s voice in his head: “Remus John Lupin. Crying is a valid way of expressing your emotion, whether you’re a man or a woman. I will not hear such nonsense out of your mouth!”

Involuntarily, Remus lets out a laugh, and oh, Merlin, that’s probably even worse than crying. Suddenly, the whole situation seems utterly absurd to him. A room full of people staring at the Werewolf Order member whose friends are all killed, waiting for him to fall apart, and here he is, fighting the urge to start laughing. They’ll think he’s gone mad. It’s what they said about Sirius, innit?

He remembers the resentment in Alastor Moody’s eyes.

“There’s not going to be a trial, Lupin. It’s no use. The man has lost every ounce of sanity. You want to know how the Aurors found him? Standing between his victims, the remains of those Muggles he blasted to pieces, gruesome enough to give even the most experienced Auror trouble sleeping, laughing. He was laughing, Lupin. He’s mad. Besides, with everyone knowing he was the Secret Keeper and all the witnesses that saw him murder Pettigrew, we hardly need a trial. We’ll lock him up in Azkaban and that’ll be the last you see of him.”

Even worse was probably the pity in Emmeline Vance’s eyes, when she hugged him tight.

“You couldn’t have known, Remus. You can’t blame yourself, okay? You couldn’t have known!”

Couldn’t he have known? Didn’t he already know Sirius Black was mad? He has said it often enough.

“You’re mad,” Remus said, staring incredulously at Sirius’ grinning face.

He surely hoped the boy was not, as he was to spend the next seven years sharing a dorm with him. But the boy had just informed him that he, in their first week at Hogwarts, had already figured out how to break in into the Slytherin dorms and had managed to sneak into Hogsmeade to purchase a load of Dung Bombs.

Remus knew he didn’t have to count on their other dormmate to be a voice of reason, as James had a similar grin on this face as Sirius. Remus knew he should say no, be the responsible one, that going along with them would only end up getting him in trouble.

But Remus took one look at Sirius’ grinning face, and he already knew he was going to get into a lot of trouble the upcoming years.

“You’re mad,” Remus choked, trying to fight back tears.

Sirius blinked at him, not understanding all the emotion. They had been lying on Remus’ bed, trying to plan a prank to get back at Slytherin for cheating in the latest Quidditch match.

“We can’t do it tomorrow night,” Sirius had said. “James has detention then. And of course not the night after, as it’s the full moon, so you’ll be off doing your Werewolf thing.”

It was just a simple, offhanded comment, like it didn’t make Remus’ entire world come crumbling down. Remus didn’t even have the state of mind to deny it. “Y- you... you know?” He had stammered.

“Oh, right. Yeah,” Sirius had said absentmindedly. “We figured it out a couple of weeks ago.” Then, he had grinned at Remus. “I must say, Moony, that’s your nickname now by the way, I always knew there was a wicked side to you, but this exceeds my expectations! Bloody brilliant, mate.”

So Remus had called Sirius mad, because how could he not mind? How could he not be disgusted with him? How could he not demand Remus to be expelled?

Sirius just shrugged. “I might be a little mad. Does run in the family.”

“You’re mad,” Remus chuckled.

Sirius had just informed him of his most recent crazy idea. He had learned that Werewolves aren’t dangerous to other animals, so he wanted to become an Animagus, to keep Remus company during the full moon, and perhaps prevent him from harming himself. Sirius obviously had no idea how difficult, and potentially dangerous, it is to become an Animagus. There’s a reason why the Ministry is monitoring the process so carefully. It’s quite impossible for a Hogwarts student to pull it off.

“I’m gonna tell James and Pete!” Sirius said enthusiastically, before dashing out of the room.

Remus fondly shook his head and focused back on his book. Typically Sirius. He would be obsessed with some crazy idea for a while, and then move on to the next. Sirius would surely put it out of his head once he finds out how much time and effort it takes to become an Animagus.

“You’re mad,” Remus murmured, barely preventing his voice from breaking.

He was sitting on his knees, his face pressed against the big, black dog sitting in front of him, his hands clutching his soft fur. “I can’t believe you actually did it... I can’t believe you would go through all that effort... For me?”

The dog shifted, and suddenly Remus was resting his head on Sirius’ shoulder, while gripping Sirius’ shirt.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and held him while he sobbed. “You’re worth it, Moony. And we’re never going to let you go through that alone again, okay?”

“You’re mad,” Remus said breathlessly, wide-eyed staring up at Sirius, his lips still tingling from the feel of Sirius’ lips being pressed against them.

They were standing on top of the Astronomy Tower. Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup, and there was a party going on in the Gryffindor Tower. Remus had gone up to the Astronomy Tower for some air, and Sirius had followed him. Remus had told him he didn’t have to, as surely there was a lot more excitement for him at the party. As usual, pretty girls with sweet smiles had been throwing themselves at Sirius all evening. As a response, Sirius had kissed him.

“Why...” Remus stammered, his heart beating wildly and his stomach fluttering.

Sirius cupped his cheek. “Because it’s you, Moony. It has always been you.”

“You’re... mad,” Remus panted.

He was lying in bed, clothes discarded on the floor, while Sirius insisted on kissing every scar on his body.

“Beautiful,” Sirius murmured against his skin. “You’re so beautiful.”

Remus laughed breathlessly, and took Sirius’ face in his hands, pulling him up to his face to properly kiss him.

“You’re mad,” Remus whispered, shifting his eyes from the star-scattered sky to meet Sirius’ gaze.

“Not the reaction I was hoping for,” the man replied.

Remus lifted their intertwined hands to his lips and kissed the back of Sirius’ hand. “Just making sure you know. And to be clear, I love you too.”

“You’re mad,” Remus smiled, spinning around in Sirius’ arms.

Sirius smiled back at him, brighter than all the fairy lights illuminating the dance floor together. “Madly in love.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Madly drunk I’d say.”

Sirius grinned. “I’m allowed to be a little drunk. My best man duties are done.”

Remus laughed as Sirius dipped him, feeling happy, carefree, and in love, and maybe a little drunk himself.

“You’re mad,” Remus gasped, falling to his knees, trying to control his breathing.

“You can’t do that, Padfoot! You can’t!”

“He tried to hex you from behind!” Sirius argued.

Remus glared at him. “You can’t just bloody jump between me and a Death Eater’s curse! You could’ve...” His chest constricted and he struggled for air. “You could’ve died. You could’ve died because I wasn’t properly watching my back!”

Sirius dropped down on his knees in front of him, and soon came the familiar feeling of Sirius’ arms being wrapped around him, pulling him against his chest. “But I didn’t. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

Remus let out a shaky breath. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll never do that again. I can’t lose you, Pads.”

“I can’t lose you either, Moony,” Sirius whispered. “That’s why I can’t make that promise. I acted on instinct seeing you in danger, and I can’t promise I won’t do it again.”

“You’re mad,” Remus spoke softly, staring down at his cup of tea.

“They’ll come after you. Him, and all his followers.”

“I’ll go into hiding,” Sirius replied.

“But you won’t have a Fidelius Charm to protect you!” Remus snapped, lifting his head.

“We said we’d do anything to keep Harry safe,” Sirius argued. “We all did. I’m the best choice-”

“Exactly!” Remus interrupted. “And everyone knows you are. Isn’t it better with this sort of thing to not go for the most logical choice?”

Sirius avoided Remus’ eyes.

“Look, Sirius,” Remus sighed. “I know you’d never tell, I do. But no one has dived deeper into the Dark Arts as He has, and who knows what methods He has to pry the information from you? Isn’t it better to go with a Secret Keeper no one will suspect?”

Sirius turned his gaze back to Remus, his expression pained. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then closed it again, squeezing his eyes shut. When he eventually spoke, there was a forced calm in his voice. “I know what I’m doing, Remus.” He reached out and took Remus’ hand in his. “Please, you have to trust me in this.”

And Remus had.

If Sirius could do that, if Sirius could hold Remus’ hand, look him in the eyes with that sincere, vulnerable expression on his face, ask him to trust him, and then turn around and destroy everything Remus held dear, then it could’ve all been a lie.

It had all been a lie.

Each lingering gaze, each soft, private smile, each reassuring touch, each slow, loving kiss, each whispered word of ‘I love you’, a lie. And Remus had let himself happily be lied to, blinded by his foolish and naive belief in true love.

Remus really couldn’t have known. Alright, maybe he’d always known Sirius was mad, but not like this. Never like this.

#my tumblr writing #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #wolfstar angst

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imaginejamesandsirius · 3 years

Note

Maybe a pregnant trans Sirius feels insecure about his appearance and James comforts him, lots of fluff and NSFW 🥺

Sirius knew, logically, that he was chock full of hormones, which made him overreact and all around feel ridiculously emotional.

Unfortunately, logic didn't make itself known when he was on the verge of tears because his shirt didn't fit anymore. It wasn't even his favourite shirt. He tugged on the bottom, trying to see if this would be the time that it finally stayed lower than his belly instead of rising back up so half of his stomach was hanging out-- or at least that's how it felt to him, like half of his stomach was out. When he was wearing the maternity trousers-- the ones with elastic on top and made to look like jeans on the bottom-- his skin wasn't showing, but right now, he was wearing regular sweats that were slung under his stomach since he was just walking around the flat. Unsurprisingly, it slid higher, and he gave a pathetic sniffle as the tears spilled over.

He had maternity shirts. He could wear those; he knew that. But wearing the maternity shirt was like admitting that he was going to get bigger. Which, yes, he knew that that would be the case, logically. Logically, Sirius wouldn't have even tried to wear this shirt because he knew that he would be too big for it. Realistically, Sirius didn't want his body to change, in spite of knowing that it was inevitable as his pregnancy continued.

There was nothing wrong with the maternity shirts. He'd tried them on before he bought them, and they were comfortable. It was just... well, he'd had to buy them in the women's section. It didn't mean anything; he knew that. It still irked him.

"Hey," James called as he stepped into the flat. He kicked the door shut and toed off his shoes while holding a grocery bag in one hand. "I picked up some butter pecan ice cream for you." Then James looked over and his eyes went a little wide in alarm. "Woah, hey, are you alright?" He walked over even though he'd only managed to get one shoe off. He set the bag on the counter and put a hand on Sirius's back.

Sirius sniffed, tugging again on the bottom of the shirt. "Hormones."

James, ever watchful, noticed Sirius messing with his shirt. He pushed it higher so he could slip his hand against Sirius's skin. "I think you look amazing," he said in a low voice.

"You have to say that; you're my husband," Sirius muttered, wiping at his face.

"I have to say it because it's true, and I love you," James said. "There's a difference." He pressed a kiss to the side of Sirius's head. "Is that what was bothering you? You don't like how you look?"

"I dunno," he said, because it was hard to feel bad about himself when James was around. Not to mention, his hand felt wonderfully warm against his skin, and it was difficult to be worried about anything when his thoughts turned in that direction.

James hummed, acknowledging what he said. He didn't push for more, and he didn't move away. He pressed another kiss to Sirius's head.

Sirius sighed, leaning into him. "All the maternity clothes were in the women's section. I like my shirts."

"The maternity shirts are still your shirts," James reminded him gently. "I saw how you looked in them, and let me tell you sweetheart, that was some good shite. Come on, let's go make sure it's still true."

Sirius snorted, hearing the smile in his voice and knowing exactly what he was thinking about. "You just want to get me naked."

"I would never," he lied, grin widening.

"Uh-huh," Sirius said.

"Is that a yes?"

"Sure," he said, wiping at his face as the last few tears leaked out. Chances were that James couldn't make him feel worse, even if putting on one of those shirts was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Great," James said, pulling his hand back from Sirius's stomach so he could put the ice cream in the freezer.

Sirius thought about going to their room before him since he knew that was where they were going to end up, but he wasn't exactly in a hurry. Logically, he knew that he was going to like how this ended, but it wasn't settling and calming him down like he wanted. So he stayed where he was and waited for James to take off his other shoe and throw it towards the door, then take his hand and lead him away.

It did make him feel a little silly. Almost like he was a little kid. Except the being-led-away-by-someone's-hand was the only part of the entire day that was like being a kid.

James let go of his hand when they got into their room, and he walked to the closet. He headed straight for the left side and reached to the back where Sirius had shoved the maternity shirts so he didn't have to see them. "What about this one?" James asked, holding up a blue and white striped one. "I like this one."

"Yeah, I like it too, but that's not- James, me liking it isn't the problem."

"Are you sure? I mean, have you tried it on since you actually got big enough to need it?"

That was a good point, and Sirius hesitated before he answered. "No. But I really don't think it'll make a difference?"

James pulled the shirt off the hangar. "Humour me?"

"Fine, but you have to pick up dinner tonight. From Bodelli's."

"Deal," James said, as if he hadn't agreed to fulfill Sirius's every single food desire the moment they'd found out that he was pregnant.

With a small huff, Sirius took off his shirt-- conscious of his protruding stomach-- and pulled the striped one on.

"How's it feel?"

Sirius tugged on the bottom to get it situated, but it hadn't been necessary. This shirt covered his bump perfectly. He'd be able to walk around like normal, without having to constantly adjust it to make sure he wasn't flashing skin. Wearing clothes from the women's section usually had a chance of fitting entirely wrong at the chest or being too tight under the arms; this one was fine. Which, yes, he'd known that from when he'd originally tried it on and bought it, but time and a heap of worry had made him forget that. "Good," he said reluctantly. Reluctant because there had been an irrational part of him hoping that he'd get to wear his usual shirts if these were horrid. He knew it didn't make sense, but crying over his shirt not fitting also didn't make sense and he'd done that not five minutes ago.

"Good," James echoed with a smile. Soft and loving, as it often was these days. "And trust me, you look great."

"I can't take your word for it," Sirius said, only half-joking. "You'd say whatever I wanted to hear."

"I most certainly would not," he replied.

"Liar."

James rolled his eyes and closed the closet door so that the floor-length mirror was available. When Sirius didn't move, he walked over and nudged him into position. Once there, he rested his chin on Sirius's shoulder. "See? You look incredible."

Sirius thought that 'incredible' might be overexaggerating. He looked good, he would admit, but great? Incredible? No way. Of course, James had a massive blindspot where Sirius was concerned; he always had. "Two seconds ago, I only looked great."

"Is great a downgrade from incredible?" James asked, but he let his voice go quiet and turned his head so that his voice was in Sirius's ear. "I always thought they were equally wonderful."

"Oh so now I'm wonderful too?"

"Of course you are. There's no need to go fishing for compliments, you know. All you have to do is show up."

James really was sickly sweet, at times. Fortunately, Sirius loved it. Loved it so much, in fact, that he was a touch oblivious to what James's hands were doing because he was so busy listening to his voice. It came as a bit of a surprise when James's hand slipped inside his pants, then. "Fuck," Sirius breathed, leaning back against James more heavily. He knew that James could take his weight, even with him ballooning up the way he was.

"I hope that's a good reaction," James muttered, moving his fingers in small circles as he kissed Sirius's neck.

"You know it is."

James started to pull his hand out, and Sirius caught his arm, holding tight.

"Don't you dare stop," Sirius said. He may not have had this in mind ten minutes ago, but in addition to being close to tears at any given moment, he was also unbearably horny. Really, the last time he'd been this desperate, he'd been a teenager. One little touch from James, and he was wet and roaring to go. He would rip James's head off rather than stop, something James was well aware of.

"I was just going to move to the bed."

"Fine, but you're on thin ice," Sirius grumbled. He let James pull him over a couple feet, and he shucked his sweats and underwear before climbing on the bed. He thought he was being wonderfully accommodating and that James should follow suit, but James didn't bother to take off any clothes before following him on. Rude.

He was appeased for a minute when James kissed him and slid two fingers in, but after a little bit, he said, "I thought the point of an afternoon shag was where you actually shagged me?"

Undeterred, James said, "We ran out of condoms yesterday, and I haven't had a chance to get more."

"Who gives a shite? It's not like I can get more pregnant."

"You hate the mess," James said, still not moving from his current position.

That was true but, "For god's sake, just fuck me already."

James snickered but dutifully pulled his fingers out so he could get undressed.

"If you're laughing at me-" Sirius started to say.

"I'm not."

"Then what're you laughing at?" he asked. He sat up so he could pull off his shirt-- just because it wasn't as horrible of a maternity shirt as he'd been worried didn't mean that he wanted to get shagged while wearing it-- then laid back down.

"The way you said it. Like we're some couple that schedules when we have sex because we don't like each other. No time for talking because we’ll only fight."

Sirius snickered, because now that he thought of it, it had sounded that way. "Yeah, that's our problem: we don't like each other."

"Oh, absolutely," James said with a grin as he got back onto the bed. He kissed Sirius's cheek before his mouth because he was a sappy idiot that way. "Our marriage is hanging by a thread."

"We're having a kid to try and save it."

"How horrible of us," James said, and Sirius's chuckle turned into a moan as James slowly slid inside. "God I love you," he breathed. "You know that, yeah?"

"Joking about it didn't make me think it was true, you know," Sirius managed to say. He was so easily overwhelmed these days, but he knew that it didn't bother James, so it didn't bother him either.

"Good," James said with a warm smile, leaning down further to kiss him again. Sirius's stomach was going to get too big for them to do this soon, but for now, Sirius curled a hand around his neck and enjoyed it.

#prongsfoot #marauders #fanfic #sirius black #james potter #filled #established relationship #no magic au #post hogwarts #siriuslystarbucks

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notmymainblog · 3 years

Text

Villain

Sirius x reader

Master list

InteractiveFics

to use: enter name in enter name here box. If you need to change something other than y/n click that option. After you input y/l/n y/h etc, CLICK STORE THIS REPLACEMENT. all done good job!

Warnings: angst, violence :(, self-harm :/, the relationship is toxic, suicidal ideation, and JAMES IS SO MEAN IM SORRY

HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE!

Prompts: 1.I let you down; 2.I'm not a villain. You shouldn't treat me like one; 3.I don't need help! I just want the pain to go away; 4.did it ever occur to you that you're hurting me too? 5. I’m not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.

You sat alone in your room. It was dark and raining. ‘Pretty cliche,’ you thought to yourself. You were in a fight with your boyfriend, Sirius. He was a great guy, really, but you two were both very stubborn, and sometimes you were both a bit too blunt. He knew what he did wrong but didn't want to apologize. This was how most of your fights went. You always made out up. But this one was different.

You were both sitting up at the astronomy tower late at night. Peaceful moments were sparse between you two. It was special. You were leaning against his shoulder, and he was kissing the top of your head, telling you that he loved you and would never leave you. Footsteps echoed up the stairs, and you pushed him off of you drawing your wand at him.

“Stupid fucking Gryffindor!” you yelled, “you're lucky I don't throw you off the tower,”

He had his wand raised as well. “I'd be grateful if you did, you bloody snake. I couldn't stand living in a world that has you in it y/l/n!”

The footsteps retreated down the stairs quickly as you both sat down next to each other once again.

“Why can't we just tell them, Sirius?” You whispered, “I love you; I don't care what they think of it. I don't care if they bully me. I only care about you.”

He sighed “y/n, I love you too but, we're just too different. It's a miracle that we’re even together, ” he laughed softly. You didn't think it was funny but brushed it off. “I just don't want people to think that I'm...” he trailed off.

“What? You don't want people to think you're what?” You said, pulling away and raising your voice, “like me? You don't want them to know you're dating me because of my fucking house? I was sorted at eleven, Sirius. Do you really think I'm still the same as I was at eleven? You think I'm bad? You don't want to be seen with me? Is that it?”

He looked down “y/n... I mean...yeah...kind of.” he cleared his throat, “but when you say it like that, it sounds bad.”

Your eyes started to water “that's because it is bad, Sirius. I'm not a villain. You shouldn't treat me like one.”

“y/n wait!” he called out. But you were already halfway down the stairs, crying softly.

You reached the bottom and headed straight outside. (pretend that Lucius is the same age as you and Sirius) you caught your breath under a tree on the outskirts of the forbidden forest.

The smell of cigarette smoke filled your nose.

“Black hit a nerve?” Lucius questioned, “looked pretty intense; I personally think you should've thrown him off as you threatened. We both know your bark is just as strong as your bite.”

You laughed dully “you could say that. And maybe I should've, ” you said.

The blonde handed you an already lit cigarette. To both of your surprise, you took it. After a long drag, you exhaled, smoke pouring from your mouth. He sunk next to you, and you felt more at peace with him sitting next to you than you ever had with Sirius.

“So, ” he began, “have you guys hate fucked yet?”

You snorted “disgusting, ” another drag “do you know how many STDs I'd test positive for?” It pained you slightly to think of how many other girls Sirius had been with. And those were just the ones you knew of.

Lucius let out a genuine laugh “at least fourty,” he pushed his hair back, “if you ever needed to...get rid of him, I could help.”

Your breath caught in your chest. “I'd rather not, ” you had to think quickly, “the Blacks are a vital family, and somehow he's part of it. We’d be in deep shit if we got caught, ”

Lucius frowned “vital my ass, ” he huffed “all I'm saying is that Walburga would thank us, ”

You could sense the newly formed tension, “I should head back, Lucius; it was nice seeing you. We should talk more often.”

As you got up, he grabbed your arm. You winced in pain. “I've noticed all the long sleeves y/n. I'm not a great listener, but Narcissa is. You should talk to her if you need someone.”

You nodded. You did have someone you could talk to if you really needed it, but Sirius was apparently disgusted by you. You made your way back to the castle, crawling into bed.

The next day

You walked into the great hall. While walking past the Gryffindor table, you had your eyes glued to the floor.

“Look what crawled out of the dungeons this morning.” James laughed at you. You looked up. Sirius didn't say anything. He just laughed softly, avoiding your gaze.

“You know what? That's it, ” you growled, pulling out your wand and holding it to James’ throat.

Remus raised his wand at you, but it fell to the floor after Lucius muttered “expelliarmus, ” next was Sirius, but Severus knocked his wand away even quicker than Lucius’. He was dying for James to have a taste of his own medicine. You muttered a spell as painful boils spread over his body; your eyes were locked with Sirius’ the whole time.

“That'll teach you, bitch, ” you spat at him. Riping your gaze away from Sirius’ wide eyes, Lucius and Severus walked you to the table.

“Next time, it’ll be you, Black, ” Lucius hissed. “I heard your little fight, ” he warned, raising his wand threateningly before walking back to the table.

Even though you had made yourself a sort of target, you felt safe. ‘Maybe I should stick with my “own kind,”’ you thought sarcastically although you wondered if there was some truth to it. As the day went by, everything was normal. Except that you weren't sitting alone, watching Sirius from afar. You had friends. Were they good people? Merlin no! But you didn't think Sirius was so great either.

Exiting y/n’s mind

Bringing yourself back to the present, you focused on hearing the rain tap outside of your window and the dull burning on your wrists. You sighed deeply. You decided to go for a walk. This was a mistake.

As you walked down the empty corridors, you were shoved against the wall by a dark-haired boy who was no longer covered in boils.

“An eye for an eye y/n,” he rolled up your sleeve. He laughed “guess I've got my work cut out for me, ” He said before adding a fresh cut to your arm.

You locked your eyes onto Sirius’ grey ones; he was horrified but didn't move. You wrenched yourself free from James and stormed over to him. “I will never forgive you for this, Sirius! Never!” you began to cry “what happened to ‘i’ll always be there for you’? ‘I’ll always love you y/n’? Huh? You only love me when it's convenient for you. When you want someone to cry to or someone to suck you off. Not that I'd ever go near that thing, I'd get at least twelve infections.”

You scoffed, the tears drying, “I wish I'd never met you, Sirius Black. I wish I'd never given you a god damn thing, but I gave you all of me. Every ounce of my time and energy for someone who would watch his friend cut me.” you wanted to kill him, “speaking of cutting, the only one who fucking noticed was Lucius. Not you. You're a horrible person Sirius Black; you should be the one in Slytherin.” you finished.

You walked away, feeling his eyes on you. They were both silent. Loud footsteps came down the hallway as Lucius stormed up to James, leaving him with a split lip, one less tooth, and a black eye. You turned around, seeing him walk towards Sirius.

You ran to Sirius, pulling him behind you, “Lucius, please don't, please.” you begged.

He looked at you “even after what he did to you?”

You nodded, “yes,” you whispered, although you weren't so sure.

He sighed “you're an awful person Sirius.” he walked away.

“Y/n you really don't have to forgive-”

“I didn't, ” you interrupted. Walking away.

As time went by, Sirius began to change. He didn't let James bully Severus; he made up with Regulus and would even show lost students the way to their classes. One day you were sitting at the astronomy tower late at night. Cold and alone. No one is kissing the top of your head or telling you they loved you; no warmth or comfort surrounded you.

You began to break down. The bottle inside of you broke, and the emotions came spilling out—love, fear, joy, guilt, regret, sadness, anger, hatred. Tears streamed down your face. You looked over the edge of the tower. It was a large drop. Easily 200 feet.

‘How would it feel, ” you wondered, ‘to hit the ground?’ another voice inside of you spoke up ‘how would it feel if someone caught you?’ but there was no one there to catch you. You sighed and looked around. You were still crying softly, leaning further over the railing, wondering if you would just slip and fall.

Strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back. You didn't struggle. You just sighed. Unsatisfied with your fate.

You turned around “what do you want, Sirius?” you said, sounding bored.

“What do I want?!” he yelled. “I want you not to kill yourself!”

You sighed and began to walk away until he grabbed your arm, making you wince once again.

“y/n, please let me help, ” he said, eyes teary “please let me help you,”

Another crack in the bottle.

Tears spilled from your eyes. “I don't need help! I just want the pain to go away!” You sobbed, looking up at him, your y/h/c hair blowing in the wind.

He groaned, “Let me fucking help you y/n, or I'm pitching myself off this God-forsaken tower too, ”

Your breathing stopped momentarily. Why should you care if he did? After everything he did to you, he deserves it, right? But your stomach twisted at the thought.

“did it ever occur to you that you're hurting me too?” he said “ fuck wait, no, I shouldn't have said that. That's not what I meant y/n I just meant that,” he sighed. “I let you down. I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry. You don't have to forgive me, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry and that I, ” his voice broke, “I really did- I really do love you y/n.”

Tears fell down his cheeks “the day of graduation, I wanted to take you up here,” he stopped to gasp for air, “and I wanted to ask you to marry me. I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to say sorry the day after, but I laughed at James’ dumb joke when I should've stood up for you. I should have told him to shut the fuck up and never talk to the girl I love like that ever again. But I didn't, ”

He put his head in his hands, “I didn't. And he hurt you. And I didn't fucking stop him. God y/n I fucking died that day, ” he sobbed again “you were so scared. I was right there. When I looked at you I just-” his voice broke “I hated him y/n. I hated myself. I still hate him. I still hate myself for it. I never spoke to him again unless I was yelling at him to let Snape go.”

He looked up at you, “I'm not asking you to forgive me y/n. I just wanted you to know that I think about it-about you, every day. And that I never just let it go. That I never touched another girl. I never thought about another girl. That it's always been and always will be you. Whether we're together ten years later, or we never speak again.”

You were speechless as tears rolled down your cheeks; he pulled out the box storing the ring.

“Oh my God, Sirius, this isn't the-” you began

“No, no! I just wanted you to know I was telling the truth. I still carry it around.” he said, looking down.

You sighed, he was really sad. He was really sorry. And he really loved you.

“One more chance, ” you whispered, “your last chance, ”

He looked up at you, “y/n, I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He kissed you gently. “I’m not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.” and this time he meant it.

Dinner was boring; you sat with Sirius and Regulus at the end of the Slytherin table. Lucius and Severus joined you, mostly to keep an eye on Sirius. You left the great hall.

“Let me walk you back y/n,” Sirius said, kissing your temple. “Regulus is going to the library. Lucius and Severus left at least ten minutes ago, and I don't want you to go yet, ” he finished.

You sighed “well, alright, ” it was really nice of him to walk you back. He never did this stuff when you first started dating, if you could even call it that.

Sirius smiled and placed his hand on your lower back as you headed back to your dorm.

“Hey!” James shouted

You tensed. “Sirius, ” you whispered

“I know, ” he said, “I've got you. Don't worry. I'm here. He won't hurt you again.” he wrapped his arm around you. “Yes?” he said. He was trying to stay neutral even though he was fuming.

“Are you bringing her as like a peace offering? I mean, what are you doing with this slut?” he said, pointing at you.

“Dont fucking talk to her like that, ” he said “come on y/n, let's go,” he said quietly.

James stepped in front of him “what's the rush? Stay awhile, ”

Sirius was done. He was tired, pissed off, and just wanted to go back to your dorm and do sweet, sappy bullshit for you. Like read to you or hold you or drink tea with you. Not have some face-off with James. So he punched him in the face.

“Let's go, ” he repeated, steering you away from James, who was seeing stars. The walk back to your dorm was relatively quick.

When you got to the door of your room, you hesitated, “would you umm like to come in, ” you said softly.

He nodded. You walked in and sat on the edge of your bed awkwardly. Sirius sat behind you. He pulled you to him before laying both of you down. You were pressed to his chest. You were tired. So tired. You just hadn't realized it until now.

“Can you stay?” you said softly

He smiled. “I'd love to y/n.”

“I love you, Sirius, ” the words felt better in your mouth than fresh warm food.

“I love you too y/n, ” he whispered.

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THAT WAS KINDA INTENSE DAMN. I entered ‘flow state’ using a subliminal, and I think it worked. I want to write some Remus fluff next 🥺 IM SO SORRY, JAMES WAS SO MEAN, BUT PETER AND REMUS JUST WOULDNT HAVE MADE SENSE! That's all for today. If you're feeling depressed or suicidal, please call or text 1-800-273-8255 (Suicide Hotline) or 1-800-231-1127 (Common Ground). Please refer to the post below this if you are struggling with something different.

#angst #angst with a happy ending #angst with fluff #fluff #sirius black x reader #sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius x you #x reader #harry potter #harry potter marauders #marauders era

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