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artificial-transmutations · 25 days

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Historically Accurate

"I'm telling you, Hollywood is going down with all the woke crap! You know what they say: Go woke go broke!"

Julian and Wallace were on their way back from the lunch room and the former was listening to the latter complaining. Julian had tried to avoid any topic like this, but, really, it was a mine field with Wallace. Just about *every* topic had the potential to turn out political.

"I don't see what's wrong with a little inclusion in pop culture." Julian said, not wanting to argue but also not wanting to leave that opinion unopposed.

"Everything! It's just plain wrong, and it's brainwash, too. I mean, it's like a mind virus, poisoning everything! There's a western coming out next week. But it's all bullshit woke agenda again. The cowboy is black and gay! Literal brainwash and historical rewrite."

Julian frowned. How could an intelligent person like Wallace be so stupid at the same time?

"Why does that even bother you? I thought you hated westerns."

"Yes, that's not the point. Fact is, it's historically inaccurate and just pushing the woke agenda."

"Actually, I think it's not even historically incorrect." Julian pondered as they entered the lab using Julian's keycard and an iris scan of both scientists.

Wallace was borderline angry now.

"What are you talking about? Everyone knows that cowboys were the whitest and the straightest people there were."

"I'm not quite sure", Julian said. "Weren't there freed slaves and so on? And I would guess if you were underway with another guy for prolonged periods of time, not everything staid straight, too."

"Bullshit! Everyone knows cowboys weren't fags, and they were white."

Wallace seemed agitated now, and his usual stiff demeanor became even more pronounced.

Wallace was in his mid-forties, but the way he was talking, he seemed way older to Julian.

Julian on the other hand was awfully young for the position he had. Being 25, he still didn't look like he had finished college, even though he had his doctorate already.

It was really a bit sad, he thought. Two of the brightest minds and they were bickering over basic, meaningless distinctions like ethnicity or sexual orientation.

"We could just ask the computer." he proposed, but Wallace frowned.

"We are not supposed to use the equipment for private research." he said.

'The computer' was part of the highly secretive project they worked on. When finished, it was supposed to be a time machine, simple as that. The actual time travel device didn't work properly yet, but a part of it, a chronoton boosted quantum computer that was able to access history itself to answer questions about the part, was already functioning quite well.

"But we are supposed to test it from time to time. Are you afraid of the answer it might give?"

"Of course not." Wallace grumbled. "Fine. Computer! Is there any historical evidence of gay black cowboys?"

The voice activated system acknowledged the request with a beep. While waiting for the answer, Julian checked the parameters of the system and found them in near-perfect condition.

Finally, the system answered, with the neutral male voice it was programmed with.

"A significant portion of cowboys consisted of people with African heritage, especially after the freeing of slaves after the civil war. Homosexual acts and attraction were common among cowboys, especially during the trail drives. Demonstrating..."

"Hrmpf." Wallace said, clearly not happy.

Julian, who was still checking the readings, scratched his head.

"Did you remember to disconnect the capsule before making the query? It seems to be drawing power."

"Ah, crap. That's just because of all the bullshit talk. Computer, stop!"

"Unable to comply. Demonstrating... Target: Montana Frontier Area, June 1865..."

The white walls of the chamber started to glow in an ever brighter white that was beginning to hurt the eyes.

"Crap. Julian, cut the power!" Wallace said, now with a clear notion of fear in his voice. The younger scientist didn't answer but tried to do as he was told - but did not succeed in time.

Suddenly, with a flash, their surroundings changed and the two of them found themselves in the middle of a rugged mountain range, on the border of a pine forest. It was late afternoon and the scientists found themselves in a just set-up camp. Two horses were standing nearby, and a small herd of cows was grazing at a meadow.

Wallace sighed and shook his head angrily. "Just great. Look at the mess you just put us in. Now we have to wait until we're rescued. And, apparently, we have to meet some black homo cowboys."

Julian looked around but couldn't see anyone around.

"I would have also guessed so, but there doesn't seem to be anyone there."

His heart sank as he had a terrible suspicion. He had been experimenting lately with a normalization circuit that would embed the time travelers into history instead of superimposing them onto it. That was - according to his theories - a rather elegant way to resolve the repelling effect the historical structure had, but it wasn't finished by any means. It had never been tested and even theoretically, it wouldn't be able to achieve a partial embedding, only a full one at best. And the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that it had still been connected to the system.

As Julian thought about how to break it to Wallace, he noticed something strange about the other scientist. It could be a trick of the light, but he looked way more tanned than before.

"Uhm... It might actually be somewhat worse than that. I think my normalization circuit was still active when you activated the machine."

"What? What does that mean?" Wallace looked at him, furiously now.

"Well, I would guess..." Julian struggled and gave up. "Look at your hands, I think it's pretty self-explanatory."

Wallace looked down at his darkening hands and paled. Even now, he still had a considerably darker skin tone than before, darkening with every passing second.

"Shit." he said. "That's what you get for fucking around with a half-finished experiment."

Julian didn't even dare to mention his suspicion. If his normalization circuit was really active, that would make Wallace an actual, black cowboy, and not just him. Julian was also a time traveler, so he, too, would be affected.

Meanwhile, the changes in Wallace seemed to have proceeded. His facial structure looked like it was in motion before finally settling on a generally broader, manlier shape: The jawline became more pronounced, and his cheekbones raised.

"Is there... anything going on with me as well?" Julian asked.

Wallace looked over at him.

"Yeah, your hair color is changing, and I think your eye color. Blonde and blue-eyed, how cliché. But most importantly, you're not becoming fucking a fucking Black man."

Wallace didn't say Black man.

For some reason, this didn't bother Julian half as much as it should have. He felt rather at ease, and the untamed wilderness around him awakened a sense of adventure inside of him that he didn't know was in him.

Meanwhile Wallace was also feeling a change within. A surge of confidence emerged from within him that was entirely alien to the deeply insecure man at first, but quickly became more and more part of his personality. It was like his core was solidifying into a confident and assertive nature, a boldness and quiet he secretly always wished he had. At the same time, his body structure changed considerably.

Where before, Wallace had been a physically unimpressive mid-forties man, it now seemed like the years melted off of him, and for every year that he lost, he gained three pounds of muscle mass and beef. His shoulders widened, his height increased, and his frame expanded in order to accommodate the new body mass.

"It's not that bad, ain't it?" While Julian's body had not changed much besides the hair and eye color, his voice sounded entirely different now. It had a southern lilt to it, but it was charismatic and charming. It was the kind of voice you could listen to for hours without end, perfect for reading an audiobook - or telling campfire stories.

"Well now, I ain't too sure 'bout that." Wallace's voice had changed even more considerably when he answered. He had gained a thick southern accent, and his voice had dropped to a low and smooth voice that sounded commanding even if he didn't intend to.

"Ha, look at that, your skin's startin' to change now, too!"

And really, Julian's skin had started to adapt as well, but it was quickly becoming apparent that it went a different route than Wallace's. Instead of darkening to the almost black tone that he was sporting, Julian's skin became rougher and got a sun-kissed tan instead. His facial features sharpened, as his cheekbones looked chiseled all of a sudden and a rugged beard texture was adorning his chin. Julian seemed to notice it, too, since he started touching his new face immediately.

"Cool! Always wondered what I'd look like sportin' a beard." he said, apparently not too unhappy with the changes.

There was no denying Julian looked good, which made Wallace feel a touch of jealousy. In his opinion, it wasn't fair that he was the only one having to deal with the black skin. That feeling quickly faded, though, as his changes continued. His hair became very short, curly and dark. At the same time, a short beard formed on his chin and upper lip, giving him an even manlier appeal. At the same time, chest hair sprouted, sparsely of course, as it was normal for a man of his heritage. A strange feeling overcame Wallace. He wasn't necessarily *proud* to be Black now, but he also didn't mind it anymore. He was proud of a lot of secondary assets, though, like his bulging muscles or his handsome face. As his eyes became a dark brown, he had to smirk as he sat down by the fire, readjusting himself in the process. And, of course, his big cock, which might also have been positively influenced by his new ancestry.

Wallace watched as Julian turned around and tended to the horses. His body was now, finally, also changing. It didn't become nearly as bulky as his own, but instead lean and agile, with narrow hips and a well-distributed surprising strength, as Wallace knew. While Julian was busy with the horses, Wallace had a good view of his ass. It filled out the jeans just so well, and Vallace only noticed now that the other man's attire had changed. He was clad in a pair of blue jeans, a vest and, of course a Stetson now, and Vance always thought that this outfit accentuated the best parts of his partner quite well. He preferred black leather, himself, since the material was sturdier and felt better on the skin.

Vince felt his cock hardening in his leather pants and readjusted himself again while also leaning back and spreading his legs to make more room for the erection. He wasn't afraid of anyone seeing his rude behavior. The only other man within a wide range was Jesse, the owner of that juicy ass. And he was allowed to see... well, everything.

Vince waited patiently until Jesse returned to the campfire, with a big smile on his face.

"How them horses holdin' up, partner?" Vince asked.

"They're good. Just a tad worn out from today's ride." Jesse answered.

"Well, there's somethin' else needs tendin' to, if you're free to lend a hand. Or an ass." Vince grinned and made his cock throb in the confines of his tight leather pants.

Jesse grinned at the display of masculinity and massaged his own cock.

"Hell yes!"

As Jesse moved over in his usual graceful movements, Vince leaned back. There really wasn't anything better than being a big, black cowboy. Especially not with a partner like Jesse, who was always happy to make the nights in the wilderness a little less lonely.

Certainly not poor and lonesome! Also check out this awesome writer!

There are a few more versions of Jesse and Vince, over at my tip jar.

#male transformation #straight to gay #muscle transformation #racial transformation #cowboy #historical transformation

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vaguely-concerned · 2 months

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Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.) This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that.

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them.

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly.

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much.

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.)

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

#garashir #elim garak #julian bashir #star trek ds9 #ds9 #star trek #ds9 meta #S2EP22 The Wire #alternate title: baby's first brush with unconditional love through unreliable narration lol #I'm not sure I got to say everything I want to in this/found the exact right words in places or hit all the nuances #but god help me I so desperately need this out of my brain to free up some disc space so go forth little meta haha be free #I'm sure I'll come back to you in time #meta #enabran tain #(derogatory)

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rockrosethistle · 8 months

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TSH hot takes 🔥

-Julian was actually a dick. He isolated and groomed vulnerable students (do you think it's a coincidence that every single member of the greek class had a difficult home life?) into thinking that these very outdated concepts of love and power were good for them. He compared their dangerous behaviour to that of ancient gods. Then, rather than face the consequence of his actions and take accountability, he left when it mattered.

-Charles was an asshole, but he's not a scapegoat. You cannot blame all the problems on Charles, he was an addict as a result of his trauma. He needed help. This doesn't excuse him from his actions, but it explains them. At the beginning of the book he physically could not bring himself to hurt Camilla. He's not a "bad" person. He's a sick person.

-Bunny didn't deserve to die, but he was also probably going to condemn the group at some point. He didn't just die for no reason. (Believing that Bunny's death was truly pointless also means believing that Henry was an actual psychopath who killed his friend for shits and giggles.)

-Judy, Cloke and Sophie ended up the happiest. That is literally the moral of the book. Judy wasn't all tortured when Richard didn't want to hang out with her, she shook it off and kept living her life. That's literally the point.

-Richard was never in love with Camilla. He loved the idea of her, but didn't see her as a person. Because of this specific dynamic and the fact the Richard is narrating, we know nothing about her actual personality. Anything he says can be disputed, and a lot of it contradicts itself.

-Francis is not blameless or unproblematic, but of the group he probably had the best intentions. Most of his behaviour that can be interpreted as creepy can be chalked up to Richard's internalized homophobia (remember, everything is told from his point of view, and Francis was a gay man in the 80's) When you look objectively at what Francis did, you see that he made a pass, got rejected, then dropped it and moved on. There is (i think) one more attempt made later on in the book, and that is furthered by Richard and only interrupted when Charles shows up.

-Henry may be the metaphorical representative of death when talking about the book, but in the narrative it's important to remember he's also just a person. Otherwise everything he does seems beyond question, and he's assigned this label as just "evil." He was 21!! Literally still a kid

-There were not good or bad characters. The reason they hit so hard is because each of them are so layered. They all have good traits and bad traits, but calling one "evil" takes away their humanity and dismisses their complexity that makes them so great.

#the secret history #tsh #donna tartt #charles macaulay #camilla macaulay #henry winter #richard papen #bunny corcoran #francis abernathy #judy poovey #booklr #hot take

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 2 months

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For full headcanons: What do you think a lazy day with the M6 would look like? Say that somehow MC and their love interest have a free day all to themselves to just relax.

The Arcana HCs: Lazy Days with M6

Julian

He's been looking forward to this. Did he tell you that he would try to sleep in? Maybe. Does he succeed? Unfortunately not

However, not needing to head straight out the door to the clinic means that you get to sleep in and wake up to the sight of your relaxed doctor leisurely sipping some coffee in bed next to you

As much as Julian savors the delights of domestic life, he's quick to get a little stir crazy. How about an outing together?

For a dramatically roguish nerd like him, an "outing" could mean getting dragged to a leech convention, watching a play, doing something legally not-so-recommended, or visiting a library

Either way, since the point of the day is to be lazy, he's more likely to want to head home come evening rather than stay out

Does he enjoy social time? Sure, but even more than that, he cherishes you. He can meet you for dinner at the tavern any day, but he doesn't get every evening completely free like this

Dinner is peaceful, intimate, and slower than usual because he insists on eating by candlelight which means not being able to see your plate very well

The way his eyes feast on you instead of the meal makes up for it

Asra

Nobody can match this magician when it comes to lazy days

They. Are. Sleeping. In. They aren't even going to think about getting up until the sun is high enough to fill the room with golden light and the street outside your window is bustling with activity

Even then, the tranquility stays. There's no part of the day when the pace picks up. He'll move with you slowly from the bed to the kitchen with a sleepy smile, prioritizing snuggles over cooking

And that's how the day goes - lazing from the cushions to the kitchen for more tea and snacks, trading silly stories and engaging in the occasional tickle/pillow fight between books

Asra will start at least one experimental craft, only to put it down halfway finished because focusing on you is way more enjoyable

Right around sunset, they'll need a change of scenery. That will most likely take the form of taking you by the hand and pulling you into their oasis for some prolonged snuggles and whimsy time

However, being predictably unpredictable, there is the 25% chance that he'll decide he doesn't want to keep a lazy pace all day after all, and pull you out into the darkening streets for an adventure

Either way, it ends back in bed, gazing out the window at the stars

Nadia

Oh, she needs this and she's been planning for it for weeks

Everything is set up ahead of time. All pressing matters have been dealt with, and she's delegated responsibilities so that unless the world starts to end, someone else will have to handle it

She is going to indulge in every relaxing moment she's been putting off and she's going to do it without lifting a finger and you are going to join her for every blissful moment

She rarely has time to sleep in and hold you, so she is taking her fill

Breakfast appears at the door to her chambers when she rings her bell, and after sitting you in her lap and taking turns feeding each other, she's drawing you into her private bath all set up for spa day

With her mind carefully blocked off of work, she'll turn her attentions to you. How have you been doing? What's been on your mind? Tell her something about you she hasn't heard yet ~

Since you can't spend all day in the spa, she does take a couple hours in the afternoon to herself in her tower. Your company is delightful and refreshing, but even she needs a moment alone

Dinner happens on the veranda, just the two of you in a nook hidden from view, lounging on cushions and savoring a slow night

Muriel

Lazy days ... kind of happen whenever one of you needs them to happen. Living self-sustainably in the woods has its perks

At the same time, there's some daily duties that just can't be skipped - feeding the chickens, drawing water, etc

Lazy days are what happens when one of you looks at the other of you and you both know you need a break. A day without all the added routine tasks, a day to just breathe for a little bit

Lazy days start by spending the day before getting ready to rest

Waking up is one quick trip to throw a bucket of feed at the chickens before darting back inside to warm up next to the veritable furnace that Muriel becomes under a blanket

Breakfast happens late, sitting by the fire instead of at the table, slicing the loaf of bread between you as you want more and toasting it idly while Inanna steals the crumbs

If it's a chilly, rainy day, you spend it adding logs to the fire from the pile you built up yesterday and curling up with each other under the furs. On sunny days, you might lie down outside

Maybe you talk, maybe you sleep, maybe you work on a craft - but it passes in peace and quiet and grounded, steadfast love

Portia

Does Portia need a lazy day? YES. Is Portia good at lazy days? Not. At. All.

Sometimes existing in Portia's presence means idly wondering if she subconsciously found the secret to perpetual motion and she's very busy trying not to forget it. She just never stops going!

Lazy days happen when you and the Countess gang up and make sure she has 24 hours of a clear schedule when she's on the verge of burning out and is in desperate need of a reset

The day starts by dragging her back into bed and telling her she's not allowed to make breakfast until she's slept as long as possible

Breakfast itself consists of trying to help her snap out of "work work work must get the next task done" mode while you brew some tea. The most effective way to do so is to put Pepi in her lap

After that, the day is delightful. Spending the rest of the morning and early afternoon lying on a picnic blanket in the garden, reading books and eating snacks and watching Pepi chase butterflies

The evening always involves visiting Mazelinka for family time. (It's also the best way to make sure Portia doesn't have to cook)

And nighttime - nighttime is for fireflies and pillow forts and kisses

Lucio

Lucio likes suggesting lazy days every day

Which means that, when the time does come to have one, the first word out of his mouth is "FINALLY."

He's been ready to take a slow day for weeks!! He needs this!!

Sleeping in is essential. If you try to get him out of bed before noon when there isn't a reason to he will start a riot

Went out the night before and maxed out his budget buying all the pastries on sale at the end of the day. Breakfast consists of him wolfing down sugary flaky dough at 1 PM, without leaving bed

He got them for you too - which is how you're presented with the sight of him beaming, shirtless, sitting in a ray of afternoon light with the sheets rumpled around him as he holds out a bite for you

The sugar high is enough to make him antsy. Yes, this is a lazy day, but lazy days are supposed to be enjoyable, and is a day even enjoyable if you haven't gone out to enjoy yourself?

Luxuriates in taking twice as much time to do his eyeliner

Saunters around the square of wherever you're visiting with your hand in his, pointedly ignoring the board of job requests

Stays up super late to savor every last moment of the day off

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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m1ssunderstanding · 3 months

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Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 2.2

Prettyyyyy

Maybe John's not actually crazy for thinking Hey Jude is to him? “For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.” fool is, in my tin hat world, often a code name for Paul in their songs. And that description is certainly him to a t actually. I wonder why I've never considered it before.

John: are you happy here, honey? Paul: I ain't happy here my honey, can you take me back? How many songs does Paul write from 1968 on about trying to go back? One day I'm going to make a list and it'll be a long one.

And thus begins the phase of they just can't help it, can they? But they really wish they could. They make each other so so happy, but they really wish they didn't. It would hurt less that way.

I love the comparison of Linda's pictures of everyone else and then of John. It just shows that it's not a her problem – that's such a lovely one of George, who Hates Yoko – it's how he feels about her.

John, coming up with every possible weapon to provoke Paul, finally has Yoko sing Paul's part in one of their songs. It really is such a slap in the face. But of course breaking the sanctity of their music is what does it best. And still, all he gets out of him is a look before he walks away. Whatever it is that John wants, I think Paul literally can not give it to him.

Btw the white album is my favorite, probably. There's just such incredible diversity on it. It's so much fun, you never get tired of it, and it's an excellent display of their genius and versatility.

He looks like an abandoned puppy.

What do we think? John says Paul drummed on WDWDITR. Paul says Ringo did. Who is telling the truth?

“It was getting to be where he wanted to do it like that but he couldn't make the break . . .” So John thinks Paul doing his songs by himself means he wants to break the group up? I personally read it as him not wanting to annoy everyone with his bossiness, but that's just my take.

John talking about how it's him and Yoko now, but before, it was . . .

George needs to send them a cease and desist notice or he'll sue them for breech of character the amount of times they drag him into things he's not a part of. Especially if they're not going to even fucking spare him a glance in reality. Please and thank you, Hare Krishna.

Paul's epigraph on the two virgins cover. “Battles to prove he was a saint”? What kind of passive aggressive shit is that, Paul?

The eternal question: what happened in India? And does John really not know? Or is he just unwilling to tell what happened to rolling stone?

Somebody please engage with that poor little boy, preferably, you know, his father. Ugh, Cynthia must've had so much anxiety watching that footage, or really any time Julian was with John. And that footage is placed in the doc right after a pic of Paul already being Heather's dad just so naturally.

But hell, if I've ever seen attention-seeking behavior, this is it. Singing about wanting to die while seductively undressing the closest thing Paul would've had to career competition at the time.

I'm sorry but it will forever be hilarious to me that when John's singing his part of “I've Got a Feeling” with Yoko it's “soft dream” and then with Paul it's “wet dream”. How John and Yoko tricked everyone into believing they were too horny for each other to control themselves is beyond my imagination.

On the day John plays their sex tape, “Unusually, Yoko is not present.” LMAO girl same. John: I'm going to play our sex tape for the band tomorrow. Yoko: oh was that tomorrow? Damn, I forgot, I have a thing.

“Well that's an interesting one.” What did John honestly expect, though? Like I know he wanted Paul to be like, “that's it! Enough is enough I'm taking you home and doing you right!” Or whatever. But what did he honestly, realistically expect?

Always saying the same things at the same time, always on the same page, same word. About everything, it seems, except their relationship.

Paul: but you won't say anything about it. John: I said what I've been thinking. Paul: Are you still thinking that now? What are you thinking now? John: I'm still thinking about it. Infuriating. Whatever it is John's been thinking, he doesn't want to talk about it in front of cameras. Is it quitting the band? I think it's something more complicated than that but I've no idea what.

“John, John, joooooohn!” X “Martha my Dear” crossover my beloved. The fact that literally Everyone reacts and tries to get her to stop except Paul is so extremely telling. Yoko: joooooohn! Ringo: He's busy! Yoko: joooooohn! John: Stop that! (And he looks and sounds genuinely pissed) Yoko: joooooohn! Paul: (plinking and pounding away, definitely not thinking thoughts about what he would do right now if he was a girl that will come out of his mouth fifteen years later)

Everyone's trying to figure out the problem with George vs JohnandYoko and Paul's saying “and like with Yoko, they’re real. They mean it.” Linda laughs. “I don't dig that.” You don't, Linda? What about them isn't real to her, I wonder. Does she think they don't really love each other? Or what?

Linda: *Makes fart noise* Go away! Paul: continues to defend them. Neil: everybody cough. See and this is why it sucks that get back was so edited. Because it's important that Paul's defending them here not just going on and on where nobody asked. He knows he's hurt John, and he feels bad enough about it to let him have his mommy with him at all times if that's what he needs.

If what??? Someone needs to force them to finish their damn sentences. Because I feel like he cuts himself off here when (I swear!!) he's about to say what it is that's hurting John so badly.

Anyway, here's where (imo) he's kinda wrong. Where he says "if it came to a push between Yoko and the band, it's Yoko." I think I said it in my get back posts, but I'll say it again. Yeah, if it was Yoko or the band, it's Yoko. But if it's Yoko or Paul filling all the gaps Yoko is currently filling? It's Paul. You know? And I think that's what John wants so badly at this time, actually. Is “a push between Yoko and [Paul]” ending with Paul stepping up for him in some way that he wasn't before, you know?

He really does get it though. John wanting to be as close as possible with Yoko so he doesn't lose her and their connection. Don't forget he does put Linda in his band. He gets it because it was the same with him and John.

I really do think it's a huge myth that they just never talked about feelings or anything serious. Look at them. This is how they talk in a crowded place with their girlfriends sitting right there. They didn't just get through fifteen years of one of the greatest collaborations in history never actually talking. They talked about deep stuff. And frequently.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #linda mccartney #yoko ono #ulm #understanding lennon mccartney

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thebeesareback · 2 months

Text

I just finished the audio book for Donna Tartt's novel The Secret History, so naturally I had to have a lil scroll to see what everyone thought on Tumblr. To add to the discourse: (spoilers, obviously)

Also trigger warning: incest, abuse, murder, alcoholism

Why is Tumblr so in love with Henry Winter?! He murders the farmer, Bunny, and possibly tries to kill Charles. He's manipulative and may well try to make Richard take the fall (har har) for Bunny's death. In the garden scene, he admits to being a psychopath/sociopath. Oh, and he's unbelievably pretentious

Also, why are there so many cute pictures of the twins hanging out? Their relationship was strained, incestuous, co-dependent, abusive. The whole uwu thing baffles me

Richard has a very obvious foot fetish and nobody is talking about it

The novel is quite funny, and I wish more people picked up on that. Most of the humour comes from Francis - the pinz nez stays ON during sex; no, Bunny's parents weren't very upset when one of their grandchildren ruined Francis' scarf, they were preoccupied by their missing son; and there's a throwaway line where the art students eat sushi with paintbrushes instead of chopsticks. I also liked when the twins panicked after Bunny's murder and decided to start repotting tulips

The farmer is referred to by name twice. Once in a newspaper, once by Bunny. Strange to think that he's the person in the squad who might actually have a conscience. Incidentally, Milo, the golden retriever who finds Bunny's body, has his name mentioned more frequently.

Richard is a smelly, badly dressed misanthrope. As is Henry, and Charles towards the end. Francis, Camilla and Hampden itself provide the (admittedly gorgeous) dark academia aesthetic, but if you want to end that dream, remember how terrible everything would have smelled. I guess the difference between appearance and reality is a pretty big theme

Julian is very creepy, obviously, but I was surprised that he wasn't more involved in the plot. He seems like exactly the sort of person to start a cult. I'd also like to know if he and Henry were in a sexual relationship, because we see them kiss once and then it's never mentioned again

Foreshadowing is done EXCELLENTLY through the book. There were a few characters who were described as ghostly at the start, and I THINK they're the ones who survive. Also, Tartt loves her pathetic fallacy (not phallusy).

Time is very strange. If you bothered to plot out all of the events, I don't think it quite makes sense. Term starts in September, say Richard joins Julian's classes in early October? That means all the picnics, the Sunday walks with Bunny, the trips to Francis' house, all happen over about five weeks, leading to the 12th November when Charles, Henry and Francis kill the farmer. Unreliable narrator, I guess

A lot of things about Richard's character make more sense when you realise the abuse he grew up experiencing and witnessing. Poor Ms Papen. Odd that Richard's parents don't visit him when he's in hospital

Funny that everyone is surprised when the twins' incest comes out. Like, they had an orgy at the start of the baccanal. Call me a prude, but I wouldn't attend an orgy with a family member

I would go for girls' night with Judy Poovey

Also, the book was published in 1992. Does anyone know when Prince Charles and Camila Parker Bowles went public with their relationship? Seems like an unbelievable coincidence otherwise

If anyone has an actual criteria for identifying alcohol abuse/alcoholism, please lmk if any of the main six characters AREN'T alcoholics. I'm pretty sure I got liver cirrhosis and lung cancer just from reading this book

#donna tartt #the secret history #richard papen #henry winter #charles macaulay #camila macaulay #francis abernathy #julian morrow #dark literature #dark academia #the macaulay twins

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l0vem41l · 4 months

Text

heart for brains.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, hurt/comfort-esque but not really, fluff (?) sensitive reader who loooves being tough, a few pet names are used (darling, lovely—) but sparingly because i can never take things seriously 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic </3 」

↳ ft. asra alnazar, julian devorak, lucio morgasson, muriel of the kokhuri, nadia satrinava, portia devorak

author's note: less of the “One Bad Thing happened and it fucking destroyed me” type of sensitive even though that’s so real and valid and more of the "big emotions are slowly killing me always" type. sorry if they're slightly ooc! i'm playing the game again,,,, eventually :> need to get their dialogue right AWIOFJWRIHFW (┬┬﹏┬┬) more lighthearted in lucio’s part (cant stand this bitch!!!!! /affectionate), and unfortunately nadia’s and portia’s are criminally short (；′⌒`)........ i love them i just haven’t played their routes also also!!!! used some borders from @cafekitsune in this!! lmk if it makes things easier to read cuz i might keep it! (☆-ｖ-)

" life's hard when you're soft. "

▸ ASRA has grown the most familiar with your routine. you’re not quite fragile, as he’s come to discover— just that you tend to swallow your emotions down with a smile, only for them to rise back up at the slightest inconvenience. in a few moments— as predicted— the tears stinging in your eyes finally begin slipping.

he gently cups your face, even as you attempt to hide away and avert your gaze, drying your cheeks with his fingers. you swear to him, through mumbles and sobs that you’re trying to toughen up— you’re really trying— while insisting there’s no reason for you to be upset about your little predicament while you choke back the sob rising in your throat. they know you too well for those feeble attempts to convince them.

“shhh… it’s alright. it’s alright.” asra’s voice is understanding. patient. they wouldn’t care if you were crying over the smallest matter in the universe right now. all their focus is on calming you down.

while asra believes and insists that your capacity for strong emotions is a blessing and not a curse like you tend to think, he does wish that your tenderness would not be so abused by the world around you. at the end of the day, he reminds you that you’ve got his love— that he’ll always be there to wipe your tears away— but will always secretly wonder to himself about why you continue to be so recklessly kind.

even so, you’re never to blame for your big heart in their eyes. and slowly, everything they do to make the world a better place is in hope that one day, the world will be sweeter to you.

▸ JULIAN does quietly and internally freak out when he first sees you cry— not because he doesn’t know what to do, but rather because he hadn’t expected seeing you, out of all people, like this. you— the person who always seemed to find something to be happy about instead of dwelling on your misery. you— who frequently brushed off inconveniences and upsetting circumstances with little to no thought. you— who always bounced back, always saw it through.

oh, but he could never be upset with you for crying. not at all.

he knows he can’t just leave you sobbing your eyes out. so, with the sensibility that he has, he gently guides you to a quiet place for you and allows you to lean against him. he’ll attempt to talk you through it, even if you don’t feel like speaking, hoping that the one-sided conversation of his ramblings will at least distract you, if not soothe you.

your head to his chest, he takes one of your hands in his, while the other gently grips your hip. tells you how brave and strong you are— even if you don’t seem particularly inclined to believe him at the moment, shooting a small glare at him through watery eyes as he says these things.

“i wasn’t patronizing you,” he says, eyebrows raising slightly as your shoulders tense, “i mean it.”

you take a deep breath, gauging the sincerity of his words, before finally relaxing.

“‘m sorry… it’s stupid— i know it is. you shouldn’t have to do this.” you sniffle.

for a moment, julian only shakes his head in response, his thumb caressing the top of your hand as he squeezes it. “but darling, i want to.”

while he’s not as attuned with your emotions as asra, julian is good at getting you to calm down. will definitely do a few breathing exercises with you to help you ground yourself, in between his affirmations and reassurances.

▸ is it really all that surprising that LUCIO is completely clueless? in his eyes, everything was going completely fine for you two seconds ago— or so it seemed. here he was, just coming by to check on you, only to watch you crumple into yourself, hiding your face in your hands as you muttered a half-hearted “go away.”

he’s too stubborn to listen to that. besides, even he knows he’d be a massive asshole if he just left you like this. instead, lucio sits right next to you, shoulder pressed up to yours, and asks about what happened. perhaps pester is a better word.

while not intentionally rude, he’s slightly dismissive of the situation at first, wondering why in the world something so trivial would matter so much to you. it takes a second, but lucio backpedals on this immediately when he realizes you're not calming down, you're getting worse. your breathing grows quicker and more tears spill— you don’t even reply to him. oopsies. silent comfort it is.

he’s not completely useless. instead of using words, he’ll put an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side, allowing you to cry it out for as long as you need. part of you wants to question when he gained the capacity to shut up— but you don’t feel the need to be particularly snarky at the moment. he’s trying his best to be sweet to you.

will be more attentive for the days after, assuring you that you needn’t give into the urge to “toughen up” when he’s around.

“stay soft, i can fight.” he grins, giving you a wink that makes you roll your eyes at him almost instinctively.

still, the tiny laugh that escapes your lips ends up betraying any sort of exasperation you meant to convey as you playfully hit his bicep as you tell him to quit. was his tone light hearted? yes. was he kidding? of course not.

▸ there’s a moment where your lip quivers and your eyes water up that makes MURIEL feel like he’s looking into a reflection of himself somehow. his heart sinks completely at the sight of you breaking down, as he searches for the right thing to say.

he’s flooded with relief when you make an attempt to speak first, even if it’s just you stumbling over your words to lie directly to his face.

you take in a shaky breath, awkwardly shrinking yourself away by crossing your arms. “it’s fine, it doesn’t matter—”

“it matters to me.” he replies softly.

muriel is much better at listening than he is at speaking in these situations, so he allows you to vent all you need as you cry. you feel these emotions so deeply, so strongly— he wonders how you managed for so long concealing these feelings.

“yeah… i get it.” he murmurs, nodding when you rant. to his horror, the tone comes out much more blunt than intended— almost sarcastic— but you know that he understands the minute you look into his eyes. he’s nothing but honest.

after a moment of silence, he asks what you need. you don’t verbalize, instead opting for awkwardly gesture with open arms, half expecting him to hesitate at your request. instead, much to your surprise and his he simply brings you close and sets you on his lap. holding you in his arms like he’s afraid you might break if he tightens the embrace any further, muriel hugs you like you’re the most precious thing in the universe.

leans more on acts of service as a form of comfort as well. will bring you water, blankets— will even brave the market to buy you your favorite snack. anything for you.

▸ NADIA’s first attempt is to deal with it logically. initially, she asks you a lot of questions, asks what she can do better— but ceases the minute you struggle to respond, only shaking your head while the words incoherently fall from your lips between sobs.

she sighs, realizing her short-comings. now isn’t the time for problem solving. you need comfort. “forgive me, lovely. i didn’t mean to upset you further.”

LUCIO TAKE FUCKING NOTES.

her embrace is loving. it almost feels like she’s trying to shield you from the world and it’s harshness towards you. nadia plants a kiss to your temple before allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. as you stay in her arms, she rubs your back, promising that everything will be alright.

she’ll make sure of it too. will 100% throw a sharp glare at anyone who accidentally intrudes on this moment.

▸ it’s almost instinctual, the way PORTIA responds. you haven’t said a thing, yet she notes the way your hands begin trembling, eyes brimming with tears. she immediately gets protective, asking which idiot made you feel so upset with full intention to beat their ass if she ever crossed paths with them— but questions no further when you don’t reply.

physically affectionate as ever, with your permission, portia kisses your tears away, pressing her lips to your face sweetly as she cradles it in her hands.

will not baby you for being sensitive, but will grow more defensive of you. of course she knows you can handle yourself like you keep on reminding, but you’ve been doing it for so long. too long. shows you that she’s right there to support you no matter what, always on your side.

" you've got our love "

— reblogs always appreciated!

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heartfullofleeches · 6 months

Note

Oohhh I love the night gallery crew!! <3

Okay so- how would the art gallery harem react to the news that their precious night guard used to pose as a nude art model for one if their previous jobs? Bonus points if they end up digging around and finding old drawings/portfolio pics of them posted online lol

The Painter

Their muse - a model in the past? A nude one at that? They can't say they aren't jealous others have bared witness to their beauty, but they won't be so upset about it if their dearest is willing to come out of retirement and maybe send their older photos up to their study. They promise not to stare too much, but they pray their muse doesn't mind if their eyes linger. It's rare for them to be in the presence of such raw perfection. They are more of a hands on type of painter so their muse wouldn't mind a few touches, no? As they would say, it’s all just apart of the process.

Rosebud

Of course they are interested, but they won't press the matter unless Reader offers to share.... Please ignore the excitement of their roses - though they do reflect Rosebud's inner feelings they assure Reader it's just past their feeding time. Clearly more flustered than they let on. Refuses to look at the images because they would only make them more tempted to leave bites all over Reader to claim them as their own as they are when they see the Guard's exposed neck or wrists or pretty much any uncovered inch of skin.

The Scavenger

Hope staff gives the printer in the breakroom a nice funeral because if Scavenger gets its hands on those portfolio shots it's the end of the line for that poor machine. Anything relating to their precious treasure is the pinnacle of their collection. They must have more - even if it's the same picture a thousand times it's still not enough. If anyone comes across one of their copies it's best theu leave them their because even if they're trying to return them Scavenger will accuse them of stealing. There's not doubt I my mind they've eaten a copy or two because they're weird like that.

The Faceless Angel

Conflicted. On one hand they are interested in seeing their guard in all forms, but on the other it feels like an invasion of privacy. Unlike some, their intrigue comes from an artistic viewpoint rather than sexual. They'd give anything for the opportunity to touch Reader's warm flesh without clothing in the way. It feels like heaven on their stone skin.

The Lady in Red

It's the less images she's interested in and more the people who have seen them. Swiftly cuts down anyone who views Reader's pictures while in the gallery be they human or fellow exhibit. She can't do anything about the past, but does everything in the present to keep too many eyes off her love. Takes the photos Scavenger loses and while she keeps a few on hand - she burns the rest.

Julian

Slimy fuck is probably the first to come across them being the noisy little stalker he is. As an artist in his free time, he does use them for reference, but it's much more fun to use them for other things. Like teasing Reader about their past or taping copies to the breakroom fidge. He only does it when he knows they're the only two on shift because he'll have to hurt anyone who sees them nakee besides him. Like Lady, he's more likely to attack paintings who have gotten a hold of the scavengers copies.

Anri

Their favorite coworker was once a model? How fun! They aren't the best artist, but they can draw Reader too. A little bashful about seeing them naked so they stick to just about the shoulders. They want to at least waiting until their ten date with Reader before seeing them in such a state. Covers their eyes and runs off whenever someone tries to show them. Julian only allows Anri to see the photos because it's fun to chase them through the halls with them or point out various aspects of their features to make Anri flustered

The Director

Dislikes imagine of Reader because while they can be used to create copies of them, The Director wants the real thing. Still has one of Scavenger's photos tucked in his coat pocket.

#yandere oc #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere x reader #yandere blurb #yandere x you #yandere #yandere scenarios #yandere insert #Night gallery tag

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avatar-anna · 1 year

Text

Family Vacation

buckle up, it's a long one!

Young dad!Harry x Young mom!Reader

For reference, here are all the kids' ages:

Simone: 12 Collette: 9 Maeve and Julian: 8 Geneva: 4 Natalia: 3

2025

“All right, here we go. Simone?”

“Here.”

“Colette?”

“She’s helping GiGi put her shoes on upstairs,” Simone replied, standing next to Harry by the front door of the house. She was dressed comfortably in a pair of sweatpants and one of Harry's old crew necks, a pair of leather sneakers on her feet. He'd tried to talk her into a different pair of shoes for the flight, but she was going through a sneaker phase at the moment and wouldn't hear it.

Harry nodded at his oldest child and continued. “Great. Twins?”

There was no answer. Looking up and down the front hall of the house, Harry wondered where two out of his five children were. “Maeve? Jules? Come on, we’re going to be late!”

There was more silence, and Harry silently worried about what his most troublemaking children were up to. But after a minute, he heard the sound of feet running around upstairs, and a few seconds later, the twins bounding down the staircase headed for Harry and Simone. Harry looked them over to make sure they were dressed and ready to go. They were, but had switched shoes again—Julian in his sister’s sparkly pink ones and Marve in his plain black sneakers. Neither Harry nor Y/n knew why they switched their shoes, and sometimes their clothes. It was always a toss up when they came down the stairs dressed for school. Sometimes Jules and Maeve were in their own clothes, sometimes they weren’t, and sometimes they were in some sort of combination. After the first couple times it happened, Harry and Y/n stopped questioning it; as long as they were fully dressed and out the door for school on time, it didn’t really matter to them.

Not even batting an eye at the twins’ shoe switch, he asked them, “Ready?”

“Ready!” they said together, following their older sister out of the house and into the car.

Harry waited for his three remaining children, smiling when Colette and Geneva skipped down the stairs together. GiGi ran over to him and leapt into his arms, and Harry caught her, kissing her cheek and fixing the little hat she was wearing. Five down, one to go.

"Mama! You ready to go?"

"Almost!"

"We're gonna be late!"

"Saying that doesn't make me go any faster!" Y/n called back.

Harry shook his head at his wife, but waited for her patiently by the door all the same, double checking in his head that they had everything in the car—suitcases, iPads, sunblock, passports, chargers, etc. GiGi played with his hair and babbled in his ear while Collette ran off to the car with the rest of the family, curly hair bouncing with each step.

After a couple minutes, Y/n came down the stairs with Natalia in her arms, a tiny backpack resembling a giraffe on his youngest daughter's back. Y/n looked a little frazzled as she went out the door, but Harry didn't comment on it, just took the diaper bag from her and locked up the house once everyone was outside.

"I just spent the last twenty minutes trying to get her into the pull-up," Y/n explained.

"Does she really need it? She wears underwear now."

Y/n looked at him. "Do you want to deal with an accident thousands of feet up in the air?"

"Good point."

They got in the car in silence, and Harry did one last headcount before starting the car. "Does everyone have everything?" Y/n asked one more time, which meant Collette was unbuckling and running back into the house for something, Julian not far behind.

"Are we really doing this?" he muttered to her.

"We're really doing this," she murmured back.

"God help us."

The drive to the airport was full of chatter, the way it always was when Harry drove all six of his children somewhere. Maeve and Julian were off in their own little world, GiGi was singing along to what she thought were the words to the song on the radio, Colette was talking about the science project Y/n helped her finish from the window seat behind him, and Simone was sitting in the backseat with… Daniel, the boy she had asked to invite a couple weeks ago.

Harry remembered the night his daughter came into his and Y/n’s room as the two of them were getting ready for bed with utmost clarity, remembered how Simone switched from foot to foot and didn’t meet either of them in the eye as she asked if she could bring a friend on their family vacation. Of course, Harry told her, not sure why she was acting so nervous. Her friend Melanie was always welcome to join them on their family outings.

But Y/n knew better, as she always did when it came to things like this. She hardly even reacted when Simone clarified that it wasn’t Melanie, but a different friend. Daniel.

Harry immediately wanted to say no once he realized why his daughter was acting so shy about asking if Daniel could come, but his wife subtly pinched his side to keep him quiet while she told Simone yes and that she would call Daniel’s mother in the morning to make sure it was okay. Harry kept his cool while Simone thanked him and Y/n, kissing each of them on the cheek before leaving their bedroom with a wish goodnight over her shoulder. The second Y/n heard the door to her oldest daughter’s room shut with a soft click, she picked up a throw pillow off their bed and whacked him with it.

“Ouch! What the hell was that for?” he asked, giving his wife an incredulous look at her actions.

“You better be on your best behavior,” was all she said, not apologizing for her pillow attack.

Harry rolled his eyes, trying to pretend like he wasn’t freaking out on the inside. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said innocently, getting under the covers of their bed after turning the lamp by their bed off.

Y/n turned it back on, not believing him for a second. “I mean it, Harry,” she said, using the same stern voice she often reserved for their kids. Crawling over to him so that she was perched on top of him with her legs on either side of his waist, she poked him in the chest. “Be-have.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about,” he tried to reason, but he already felt resentment bubbling in the pit of his stomach towards this Daniel person. When his wife gave him a look that told him she still wasn’t convinced, he sighed. “I’m not ready for the boys, or the girls,” he added as an afterthought. Simone never talked about it, but Harry and Y/n always kept an open mind about such things. “She’s too young for dating.”

Y/n raised her eyes heavenward, clearly exasperated by her husband. “Harry, how old were you when you had your first kiss?”

Harry grumbled under his breath, which made Y/n grin just a little. "You're not helping."

“We're so far off from that anyway, love. He's just a friend from school. And a nice boy. I've driven him home from school a few times. He's an only child. He could use a dose of...us.”

Harry kept quiet, crossing his arms and pouting because while he knew his baby was growing up, that didn't mean he had to like it. Knowing he didn’t have any sort of argument for that, Y/n continued. “She needs friends, H. Don’t you notice how she rarely invites anyone over to the house?”

He had noticed, but she was also constantly across the street at her friend Melanie’s house. “I know that, but…She’s my baby.”

Y/n’s eyes softened. She shuffled around on the bed until she had her arms wrapped around him, her fingers as soothing as they always were as they ran through his hair. “She is, and she always will be, so be happy that your baby asked if her friend could come with us on vacation instead of sneaking out of the house to see him.”

That image did nothing to relax Harry’s troubled thoughts in the slightest. He wanted to be comforted by the memories of Simone sleeping between him and Y/n, of when she was so small and only wanted to be in Harry’s arms when they went somewhere, of first steps, first Christmas, first everything. He didn't think they were at the stage of first boy.

“Hey,” Y/n said quietly when Harry remained quiet for a few minutes. She knew her husband had a hard time seeing Simone grow up. He loved all their children equally, but his bond with their oldest daughter was a special one. In a time of uncertainty and chaos, Harry saw their daughter for the first time and she’d become a beacon of light and love. The day he became a father was the best day of his life, and he had been protecting and loving Simone ever since.

"He really is just a friend. You think I would be okay with him joining our vacation if he wasn't? She's twelve, H."

Harry sighed, pouting his lips just a little. "I know. But can you freak out a little with me so I don't feel like the only crazy parent?"

Y/n chuckled and kissed his cheek. "But who would reason with you? Remind you about the beautiful resort we're staying at," she said, planting another kiss, this one closer to his ear. "And the master bedroom that's on a whole separate floor from the other rooms in the suite." Another kiss. "All the alone time we'll have once everyone is asleep."

She continued to whisper in Harry's ear about all the things she wanted to do with him once they were on vacation, one of which made his eyes widen.

"Really?"

"Mmhm."

"You mean it? We can—"

He didn't even want to say it in case he jinxed it, but it didn't seem like his wife was joking. Y/n nodded, tracing his lips with the tip of her finger. "You know I don't joke about that."

He grinned, the reaction almost involuntary. Kissing her once, twice, three times, Harry responded with, “I love you.”

There was silence as Harry and Y/n continued to kiss, long and lazy ones that made Harry nearly forget about Daniel, especially as Y/n’s leg draped over his middle and his hands moved under her sleep shirt. Nearly. “He better not try anything, or I’ll—”

“Your best behavior,” she intoned, hovering just above him as she used her stern voice again. “Think of the alone time.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Why do I get the feeling you enjoy telling me what to do?”

“It gives me a rush,” Y/n said simply, pecking him on the nose. Harry flipped her over so that her back was against the mattress, his lips were just barely touching hers as he told her it was his turn to make demands.

For the next couple weeks, Harry had removed Daniel from his mind. But the time had come to drive to the address Y/n had given him when they got in the car. He hadn’t paid much attention to where each of his children were sitting until he waved at Daniel, then raised his brows slightly as he climbed into the back row to join Simone. He wasn’t a huge fan of that, but then Geneva accused him of not singing along to the song that was playing, and because he could never turn down singing with his daughter, his mind was temporarily occupied.

That didn’t stop his eyes from flicking to the rearview mirror every few minutes to check up on Simone and her friend. He eyed the blonde hair that came down to the boy’s shoulders, the leather cord necklace that peeked out from under his shirt, the warm tan he had from spending time in the sun. Was this her type? Harry thought. She’s too young to have a type. She’s too young for all of this—

“Daddy, where are we going?”

Harry focused back on the road in front of him, making the proper turns that would take him to a more secluded parking lot of the international airport. Harry waited until he parked the car to answer Maeve’s question, helping Valen out of her car seat and resting her on his hip. “The airport, peanut. We're going on our vacation, remember?”

Harry and Y/n didn't take the kids on proper vacations very often. It was hard for the whole family to be in one public place together without being noticed, and it was even harder now ever since the documentary came out and their family was brought into the limelight. People relentlessly tried to get pictures of Harry with any one of the kids, which only pushed them to go out even less or take even more extreme measures to ensure no one knew where they were.

But they all still deserved a vacation. Y/n and Harry researched and researched until they found the right place—somewhere remote enough that they could be left alone, but big enough to fit their family and had the facilities to ensure privacy. And somewhere fun. Everyone needed to have fun.

So they decided on a fancy island resort. There was plenty of activities for the kids, a big villa that accommodated their big family, and a spa for Y/n to relax. In a lot of ways, Harry wanted this to be the honeymoon he and Y/n never got to have. They would be strapped down with six, now seven, kids for most of the time, but they'd be watching them in a very nice resort.

Harry did another headcount when they got to the airport to make sure he had all of his kids and Daniel, then led them all to where a security guard was waiting to take escort them to the airport lounge where they would wait to take off, with Y/n rounding out the back so no one got left behind. As they came into the airport, in public where everyone could see them, Harry looked behind him for Julian, knowing he didn’t love having so many sets of eyes on him. As was the side effect of being their father, all of the Styles children were used to or at least familiar with being photographed in public places or seeing large crowds of people in the most mundane of places. However, Jules was very shy and sometimes had a hard time with the shouting and the phones pointed in his direction.

Harry turned back with Geneva still in his arms to take Julian’s hand. At only four years old, Harry and Y/n tried to keep her and Natalia from having their picture taken the most. They’d done it with all of their children when they were babies, gradually letting them get used to all of the craziness. The documentary sped things up a bit, but outside of the kids' small appearances, Harry and Y/n made sure they were hardly seen in public. It was why Geneva was wearing her little knit hat with daisies on it, the brim wide enough to shield her face should anyone try to nab a picture of the four year old. Y/n pushed Natalia in a stroller with the hood extended low over her face so all one could really see was her little legs.

To Harry’s surprise, Jules was holding the hand of his oldest sister. It wasn’t shocking that Simone was holding her little brother’s hand in a situation like this, she often did so with one or two of her siblings when they went out together. But today she was with a friend, with Daniel. Harry figured she would want to just hang out with him, but there Jules was, laughing at something Simone’s friend had said, not at all bothered by the people pointing their phones in their direction. Smiling, Harry reached out a hand for Maeve to take, and she happily obliged, Colette falling in line next to her.

When they finally got settled in the lounge, there was still a good amount of time before takeoff. The twins were on one side of him and Colette next to them, Simone and Daniel on his other side, and GiGi bouncing up and down in his lap. Julian and Maeve were off in their own little world again, only this time they took Colette with them as they played with a couple of the toys Harry packed for them in a backpack. Y/n was gone, having taken Natalia for one last bathroom trip before they boarded the plane

Trying to heed his wife’s instructions, Harry did his best not to eavesdrop on Simone and Daniel’s conversation, focusing on Geneva, who was more than happy to have all of her father’s attention. She squished his cheeks with her hands, pushing them up and down into various frowns and smiles.

Y/n came back just as Collette began to bicker with the twins. "Harry can you," she said, gesturing vaguely toward the three kids.

"Yep. On it."

By the time he settled the argument, it was time to board. The whole family was up and shuffling toward the gate, Harry leading everyone so he could hand over boarding passes to the woman waiting for them. "Have a wonderful flight, Mr. Styles," she said warmly, smiling at each child as they walked past.

Thankfully, they boarded before everyone else, which gave Y/n and Harry time to get all their kids settled in their seats. "Alright, change of plans. Maeve, sit with Collette, Jules you're with—"

"Daddy!"

"O...Kay. JuJu's sitting with Daddy. Simone and Daniel, you'll sit across from me and Natalia. Daddy, you got Geneva?"

"Yep. Come here, peanut."

Snacks and iPads were passed out, and everyone was quietly waiting for takeoff. At first, Harry and Y/n used to feel bad about using technology to get their kids to quiet down, but now that they were six against two they did whatever they could.

"You have a wonderful family."

Harry was immediately on high alert. He was always hyper aware of strangers around his kids, but especially with Geneva and Natalia. They were so young, they didn't deserve strangers getting in their faces and all that.

But he supposed that having six kids, plus an extra, quietly entertaining themselves on a nonstop flight was something to be proud of. Looking up from where he'd been opening a pouch for Julian, Harry gave a close-lipped smile at the flight attendant who'd spoken. She looked about a few years older than Harry and Y/n, and if she recognized Harry, she didn't let on.

"Thank you. It's our first big vacation."

"That's so fun! It must be hard to travel with all these little ones on your own."

"Um..." Harry wasn't sure what the woman was insinuating. He looked across the aisle, but Y/n was completely occupied with Natalia. Her smile seemed sincere, though, so Harry just politely corrected her. "I'm married, actually."

"Oh! Sorry, I don't know why I—Gosh," she stuttered, a blush on her cheeks. "Sorry. Well, um, can I get you anything?"

"Juice!" Geneva piped in from Harry's left.

Harry gave his daughter a look and said, "How do we ask for things nicely?"

"Can I have some juice please?"

The flight attendant smiled and promised to be back in a moment, then left their section.

"It must be so hard to travel with all these little ones on your own," Y/n said, raising the pitch of her voice. She was still looking at Natalia, but clearly, she'd heard the whole exchange.

"Oh hush. She was just being nice," Harry chided.

Harry never realized how exhausting vacations could be. Between swimming under the sun all day and keeping an eye on seven kids, he crashed on the bed each night completely wiped out. And even though Harry and Y/n were an entire floor above the kids, they could still hear the giggles as Simone, Collette, the twins, and Daniel stayed up past their bedtime playing games. It was fun, it really was, but it was no honeymoon.

He'd have about a thousand pictures by the end of it all, though.

"Daddy, I want a lemonade!"

"Gi, I just asked you if you wanted anything from the restaurant," Harry said, doing his best to give her a stern look.

They were having a relaxing day at the resort's pool. Yesterday they went on a boat and went all around the island, and before that was water sports, and the day before that was—well, today they were just relaxing. The hotel had reserved a cabana that was pretty well removed from the other ones, giving them a bit of privacy, though other guests had kept their distance for the most part.

“Dad, we can take GiGi to get a lemonade. We wanted snacks anyway,” Simone said. At the word “snacks,” both Geneva up, looking to their father for approval.

Harry wanted to say yes, but he didn’t like any of his kids walking around on their own. At twelve, Simone and her friend were more than capable of going to the restaurant on the other side of the pool and coming right back, but there was always a chance of people following or coming up to her, and she thought the idea of walking around with a security guard was embarrassing, but it was usually the only way Harry and Y/n allowed her to go off on her own when they did things like this.

“Erm…You’d have to take Chris with you,” he finally said, nodding to the security guard who was currently sitting next to Natalia and seemed very interested in the water wings the youngest Styles was showing him. Chris was their family bodyguard and had become part of the family by this point. He was patient with the kids and played with them on occasion, but took his job seriously.

Simone didn’t answer right away. She looked at Daniel first, a question in her eyes. Harry knew it couldn’t be easy having to be tailed by a security guard all the time, especially when she seemed to already have a hard time making friends. So when Daniel just shrugged and said he didn’t mind, Harry actually felt a little relieved and hoped that this friendship would stick. Perhaps Daniel was all right after all.

Fishing out cash from his wallet, Harry passed it off to Simone and told her to come straight back and hold GiGi’s hand the whole time. Simone looked like she wanted to roll her eyes at her father’s grave tone, but she refrained and took the money and her sister’s hand. When they were gone, Harry sat back and sighed. His eyes flitted over the pool for a moment as he searched for his wife.

She was in the pool with Maeve and Julian, tossing them up and letting them splash in the shallower end. Harry cleared his throat and slipped on his sunglasses, trying not to stare too obviously.

Y/n wasn't even doing anything. But she just...she never failed to make his heart pound. And the swimsuit she wore wasn't helping. Her body had changed over the years, the same way his had, but he still thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and right now was no different.

Harry was debating joining his wife and kids in the pool or staying until Simone and the rest of his kids came back with Chris. But that decision was made for him when he saw her help the twins out of the pool.

"They put umbrellas in our drinks!"

Harry looked the other way and saw Geneva with a kids cup in her hand, a small cocktail umbrella sticking out of it. Simone and Daniel had their own drinks, and funnily enough, Chris had two.

"I want one!"

"Me too!"

Before Harry could say anything, Chris handed the two drinks over to the twins, who had walked up to the cabana with Y/n. Harry stood up and offered his spot up so all the kids could sit with their drinks without the risk of spilling them. He went over to Y/n, careful not to put his hands on her in front of the kids.

"You were staring," she murmured.

"Was not."

"You were."

Harry leaned forward and kissed the back of her head. "You would've had to be staring at me to notice."

"Mom, can Daniel and I go to the kids club? They have a ping pong table, and we wanted to play."

At the mention of the kids club, Simone's siblings voiced their desire to go too, but Harry could see the look on his oldest daughter's face. She'd been really great about hanging out with her younger siblings, but she deserved to play on her own with her friend.

"Sure, bug. Do you have your phone?"

Simone nodded, then squeezed Harry tight before running off with Daniel. His heart clenched as they left, but there were five other kids all vying for his attention. "Let's go to the water slide, shall we?"

Cheers went around the cabana. As they were all putting their cups down, Y/n came up behind Harry and squeezed his hand. "That was nice of you."

"Chris will check on them in a few minutes," was all he said.

"You're a good dad," she said, pinching his hip affectionately.

"You think so?"

"The best. "I wish we could sneak away so you could be the best husband for a little bit," she mumbled, kissing his bare shoulder.

"We'll have our moment," Harry assured.

"It would be even harder with another baby, you know that right?"

"Mm. We've always managed."

Y/n didn't say anything in reply, but Harry couldn't tell if it was because she didn't have an answer or because Geneva was poking her leg to get her attention.

"Can we go now?"

Conversation cut short, Harry and Y/n took the hands of their little ones and walked toward the waterslide.

"I'm so tired."

"I know."

"And sunburned."

"I know."

"It literally hurts to have my eyes open. I—What are you doing?"

"Shh," Y/n said, her legs on either side of Harry's lower back. "I don't have massage oil or candles, but I have aloe vera. Let me help you."

Harry couldn't have protested even if he wanted to. They'd spent the entire day at the beach, rounding the evening out with a quiet dinner courtesy of room service. All the kids were fast asleep, practically dead to the world, as soon as their pajamas were on, a first since they arrived a few days ago.

Mumbling some kind of assent, he let Y/n give him a massage. The aloe vera was cold on his back, her hands gentle but thorough as she rubbed in the gel and worked on the muscles in his shoulders and worked her way down. Harry groaned, sinking deeper into the bed as she began to apply more pressure.

"You've been such a good Daddy to the kids all week, hm?" she murmured in his ear, thumbs pressing into the muscles in his shoulders. "Planned this whole trip for us, work so hard so we can go to beautiful places like this, been so patient. Thought you deserved something nice."

It wasn't uncommon for Y/n to call Harry "daddy." When they were around the kids, they referred to each other almost exclusively as "mom" or "dad" or something to that effect. They were parents, it was part of their identity, and it certainly wasn't out of the ordinary. Daddy wasn't something that was inherently sexual to them, not when it was a word their children used regularly.

Though the gentle lilt of Y/n's voice and her hands on his back definitely had him turning his head to the side to peek an eye at her.

"Yeah?"

She nodded, still working out all the knots in his back. "Mmhm. So close your eyes. I'm gonna paint a nice picture for us."

Harry did as she said, focusing on her hands and voice.

"Imagine we're...twenty-two years old," Y/n said. "And...we just came back from the courthouse. The boys have finally left us alone for the evening."

The night they got married. They had to sneak out of their hotel rooms to do it, but Harry would do it all again in a heartbeat. "Mm. That was a good night."

"Yep. But this time, instead of putting Simone down and going to bed, we're packing for a trip. Our honeymoon. You planned the whole thing. Your mom agreed to watch Simone for a few days, there happened to be a break in the tour, and everything just fell into place so we could celebrate. Just you and me."

Y/n knew what Harry wanted this trip to be for them. She knew he always felt guilty about the finer details of their marriage. There was just never enough time for a proper honeymoon, and by the time there was, Y/n was pregnant with Collette. There were moments on the trip where they tried to slip away, but it just wasn't possible. Harry and Y/n were more than happy to spend time with their children, but a moment alone wouldn't have hurt, either.

"So we come to this beautiful resort," she continued, working her way along the broad expanse of Harry's back. "We drink too much champagne and sleep in too late because no one is jumping on the bed before sunrise. We kiss by the infinity pool and on the balcony and on top of a mountain after we've hiked to the top."

"Just kiss?"

"Easy. I'm getting to that. Where was I?"

"The top of a mountain."

"Right. And we make love everywhere. In the infinity pool, on the balcony, in that huge hot tub in our bathroom. For those few days, we don't care about getting caught or what people will see or think or say. We're so happy to finally be married, that the only thing that matters is us," Y/n said, leaving a kiss on the back of his neck, her teeth grazing the shell of his ear. "Flip over, baby."

Harry did as she asked, grinning when his eyes landed on her. Y/n normally wore a t-shirt and shorts to bed, but tonight she was in sheer pink, her breasts practically spilling out of the flimsy material, her hair framing her shoulders. She'd changed a lot over the years, and yet she was exactly the same. She still made him feel the same way she always had.

"We're not twenty-two anymore," he said.

"No, we're not," Y/n agreed. "But I still love you."

"I love you too, Mama."

Y/n leaned down and kissed him then, her body flush against Harry's as his leg slotted between hers. Their lips were chapped from spending the last few days in the sun, but that didn't stop either of them from getting more and more intense. Harry's tongue slipped into Y/n's mouth with ease, his hands rucking up her little pink blouse insistently. She lifted her hips to get her underwear off when his hands ventured there next but was quick to slide back against him, a smile forming on her lips when he groaned.

"I'm not feeling so tired anymore," Harry breathed, one hand dipping between her legs.

They could've been quick. After being together for so long, they knew what made the other get to the finish line faster, and had perfected it when free time came in brief, spontaneous moments. But Harry didn't want quick. All the kids were fast asleep, and he didn't think any of them would be waking up for a long time after the day they had. He wanted to take his time, and it seemed Y/n did too.

"Good. For a second there I thought you were an old man at the ripe age of thirty-one."

"You're gonna regret saying that in a minute."

Harry flipped his wife over so that he was hovering over her. Y/n's grin was full of mischief as she looked him over, her gaze fixated below his waist. She loved the moments where she could just admire her husband, and this trip had been full of them. So often she was stuck in full-mom-mode that she didn't appreciate how Harry still looked like he was cut from marble. His tattoos were faded with time, but they stuck out against his newly-tanned skin, there was a little more meat on his hips than when they were kids, but Y/n honestly loved him that way more. She loved his muscly thighs and broad back and his pointed nose and high cheekbones. She loved the smile lines by his eyes and the way his stomach jutted out just a little despite the muscle. She loved the soft parts and the hard planes. She knew every detail, every secret his body held. There was not one thing she didn't know about her husband or his body, and she was in love with every inch.

Y/n had been patient, she'd been a good mom this whole trip by not dragging Harry by the drawstring of his swim trunks and leaving Chris to watch the kids for an hour, she'd waited and waited for the right moment, for this moment. A few minutes ago, she could tell Harry was in the "make love" kind of mood, but she did away with that with a few choice words. She was usually all for it, but right now she really wanted a reason for them to be exhausted. Now, all she had to do was seal the deal.

Hooking a finger around his necklace and gripping him a little tightly between her fingers, she said, "Do your worst."

"Okay. It's our last night on vacation. What was everyone's favorite part?" Harry asked from his seat at the dinner table. "Maevie, you go first."

They were having one last dinner at the resort's outdoor restaurant. Their table was on a raised deck that stood in a shallow pool. The bottom of the pool was lit, making the water a blue-green color. There were lanterns in the palm trees, a warm breeze fluttering the leaves. Everyone was in varying states of tanned and sunburned—peeled noses, harsh tan lines, red shoulders and cheeks. The whole family plus Daniel were tired from days spent running around and swimming under relentless sunlight, but they were happy too. Content to go home tomorrow knowing that everything that could be done had been.

"I liked seeing the dolphins," Maeve said.

Each person at the table said their favorite moment or activity. From the hotel water slide to going tubing behind a speedboat to a whole day dedicated to shopping, all the kids enjoyed something different from the vacation.

"I liked when we took the Jeeps all over the mountains and Mrs. Styles drove really fast!" Daniel said.

Y/n smirked at Harry from across the dinner table as she cut up Geneva's food. He always had something to say about her driving—that she was too fast, that she drove like she was in a hurry when there was no reason to, and so on. Whether that was true or not, Y/n got to put her driving skills to the test with one of their activities. She took Simone, Daniel, and Collette in her car while Harry took the younger kids, and raced over the dirt path with them. It was bumpy, dusty, and full of sharp turns, but she and the older kids had a blast.

"You know, Daniel, I can't help but agree," Y/n said.

"What was your favorite part, Dad?" Simone asked.

"I think..." he said, taking his time to answer the question. "I think just getting to spend time with all of you was my favorite part."

"That doesn't count!"

"We all had to say something!"

"Boo!"

"Yeah, boo!"

"Y/n, really?"

Y/n shrugged when Harry looked over at her exasperatedly. He knew he gave a lame, sappy answer, but it was the truth. He knew his kids would give him grief about it, but he didn't expect his own wife to boo at him.

The night ended with one final walk on the beach. The kids all skipped ahead of Harry and Y/n, who were content to trail behind them and hold hands.

"We did it," Y/n said, twining her arm around her husband's.

"We did. With no trips to the local hospital, either."

"And," she added. "Daniel was a sweetheart. I think the twins are more trouble than he is."

Harry didn't want to be okay with Daniel when the idea of him joining the family on vacation was first proposed, but he couldn't help but agree with Y/n. He was nice, and hung out with all the kids, not just Simone.

"They're gonna give us hell when they're older aren't they?" he asked, referring to Maeve and Julian, who were currently wrestling in the sand.

"Definitely." They walked a few paces in silence while Y/n rested her cheek on Harry's shoulder. He was a linen shirt that was incredibly soft, and she would definitely be wearing it to sleep tonight. Then, as they got further down the beach, she said, "You were right, you know."

"About what?"

"Spending time with all our little monkeys," she said. "I'm glad we could give this to them. A trip with the whole family that's not just traveling with you on tour, you know?"

"I do," Harry agreed, kissing the top of her head. "I think I might have to give Chris a huge Christmas bonus, though."

Y/n chuckled. "He had fun too."

More silence, more walking and listening to the kids laugh and play by the shore. Then, "Our little monkeys aren't so little anymore."

"No, they're not," Y/n said. "But when they can play together far away, I can do this."

She stopped Harry in his tracks and tipped his head down to kiss him. His lips were light against hers, careful not to get too carried away. But it was nice to kiss out in the open, something neither of them would've ever thought was possible a few years ago. Their lives were so different now.

Harry kissed her a couple more times, his thumb tracing delicate patterns on the small strip of skin where Y/n's knitted sweater didn't quite meet her shorts. She looked and felt so cozy. All he wanted to do was get their kids up to bed and—

"Eeeew!" someone shrieked, it was too dark to tell which one of their kids said it. "No kissing!"

Y/n pulled back, but Harry held her close still. "What? You mean like this?" he asked before nuzzling his wife's cheek.

That got everyone going. Simone claimed Harry and Y/n were embarrassing her, Collette told them to stop because kissing was gross, and Maeve and Julian went straight for the tackle, going for Harry's legs until he playfully fell over. Once he was down, Natalia and Geneva joined their brother and sister.

If someone had told a twenty-two-year-old Harry that not only did he have six happy and healthy kids with the love of his life, but that he could hold his wife's hand and kiss her on the beach and play-wrestle with his kids without worrying who might see, he wouldn't have believed them. Hell, he wouldn't have believed them just a few years ago. But things were different now, things were good. Perfect, some might say.

And Harry definitely had to remind himself of that when one of his kids accidentally had him inhaling a mouthful of sand.

#harry styles #young dadrry #young dad! harry #young mom! reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic

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lynzishell · 2 months

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Prev // Next

Transcript and Bonus below the cut:

Phoenix: It’s been ten years, almost to the day, since I lost my mom. I’ve been thinking about her a lot since we had Aspen. Something about knowing that she’ll never get to know her granddaughter. That Aspen will never get to know her. It’s a different kind of grief that I wasn’t prepared for.

Phoenix: [wipes a stray tear from his eye] After I moved in with Julian, I would come out here sometimes. I’d sit on this bench and look out at the water, and I’d talk to her. I’d tell her about my life, that I loved her and missed her, that I was sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I even told her about Malcolm. I don’t know why this spot. Maybe just because it’s pretty here, and away from everything and quiet, but I could almost convince myself that she could hear me.

Phoenix: I guess I hoped that by bringing you both here… well, it’s the closest I could get to introducing you. Dawn: If your mom was here right now, would she prefer it if I called her Leanne? Or Miss Realta? Phoenix: [breathes a laugh through his nose] Definitely Leanne. She’d give me hell if I let you call her Miss Realta. Dawn: Okay. Well, Leanne, my name is Dawn, and I am madly in love with your son. We’re getting married in a couple of months, and I’m so excited. You’re invited, of course, if you can make it to Brindleton Bay.

Dawn: Most importantly, though, this is Aspen. She’s your granddaughter. Her middle name is Leanne, after you, of course. And, um, you should know that Phoenix is an incredible father. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you. And I wish you were here to give me some parenting advice because you clearly did something right, and I feel so lost all of the time. But I promise we’ll come back to visit, at least every Winterfest, so you can see Aspen as she gets older.

Phoenix: Thank you. Dawn: Thank you for sharing this place with us. I can see why you were drawn to it. It does kinda feel like she’s here, like she’s listening. Phoenix: [nods but doesn’t speak for fear that his voice will betray him] Aspen: [coos] Phoenix: [clears his throat] Did I ever tell you that she wanted to write children’s books? Dawn: I remember you saying she used to make up stories a lot when you were little.

Phoenix: Yeah [smiles at the memory] She was never able to pursue writing seriously because she was always working two or three jobs to take care of us, to take care of me. I always hoped she’d be able to one day, and that she’d publish her own books. I can probably tell Aspen a few of them from memory, but how cool would it have been to be able to give her an actual book?

Dawn: That would’ve been amazing. Out of all the stories she told you, did you have a favorite?

Phoenix: Oh, god, um… if I had to pick, it would probably be this one about a polar bear name JuJu that dreamed of going to Jupiter. [laughs] I remember, we were learning about the solar system in school, and we all had to do a report on a planet. I chose Jupiter. But I had a really hard time writing the report, I’d never done one before. So, she made up this story about my favorite animal, a polar bear, going to Jupiter. It was really funny and full of facts about the planet. Not only did I get an A on my report, but I made her retell the story about a hundred times.

Dawn: Aw, that’s so cute. I wanna hear it. Will you tell us the story? Phoenix: Right now? Dawn: Yeah. Phoenix: Okay, sure…

✨Bonus✨

And, of course, Aspen got to meet her Great Uncle Julian while they were in Copperdale. She was a little unsure at first, but she warmed up to him pretty quick. 🥰

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trashisstillhere · 2 months

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Some Ninja Randy related art I just wanted to post right now. But it’s not just the og, but some different versions of him that I had made long time ago and decided to try drawing again today!

Oh boy, I haven’t thought of these guys in a very long time until now. Some of you who has seen some art from both my old account and the old ones in this account may know of them (expect for Bad Ending!Randy, I never really showed him, I think). And yes, I will kinda explain each one of them since the rest of you probably don’t know about them at all so here we go.

1. Evil! Randy

an evil version of Randy, with all the chaos pearls in his disposal now that the sorcerer is fully gone. And no, not in the way like in the season 2 finale but like…well.. let’s just say, he’s still trapped.

staying in the now abandoned norrisville high school (what happen to everyone in there? No body knows), Evil! Randy is mostly alone by himself, plotting and thinking about what to do next now that everything with him has changed.

If he ever does get a visitor in the school, he seems quite calm and wise towards them, showing them around and even asking them for favours to help him a little around the place, give him company as he haven’t had some in so long…..but don’t be fooled. Remember, those green orbs corrupts whoever has them and this Randy is no different.

Howard’s and the Nomicons whereabouts in this au? currently unknown.

The only new thing about him right now are those few green glowing cracks on his suit and all, I thought those would look cool on him.

——

2. Horror! Randy

Now you can easily find this guys story and first drawings of him on my account. Just click on the Rc9gn tag while staying on my account, scroll far down and you’ll find it. Easy peasy. But if you’re too lazy, I’ll give you a short(er) and quick version.

This Randy’s story takes place back in season 1, right after he just became the ninja and a few days passed. He meets some evil spirit who takes a form of a ninja and tricks him into thinking that it’s from the nomicon and that there’s people who are monsters in disguise’s that he has to ‘get rid of’. Because of this along with illusions from the spirit to make it more believable, he ends up killing lots of innocents, even Howard which he immediately feels tons of regret and guilt for.

At the end, Randy becomes a lonely mess, a lost cause, a paranoid psycho ninja who now can’t tell the difference between an actual monster and a human thanks to the manipulation of the fake ninja spirit who is now suddenly gone along with the illusions.

Basically, this is a fucked up Randy who suffers a lot and is very lonely. He does kill though.

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3. Disbelief! Randy

This Randy is kinda based on and inspired by the disbelief Papyrus Undertale Au. But instead of Papyrus with Sans jacket on, it’s the poor ninja boy with Howard’s. Most of this one is just Randy wearing the only thing he has left of his dead friend, trying to avenge him. Who or what got Howard killed? From what I remember (I never wrote any of these guys stories down) it was Mcfist and Viceroy, it was an accident with a robot of theirs. They never meant to have it kill the guy but it just…happen.

Damn, I have two au’s where Howard is dead. Good lord-

—-

4. Bad Ending! Randy

One I have never shown here before.

This was first a ‘what if’ thing. Like what if at the season 2 finale, in the battle between the sorcerer and Randy, it ended up terribly wrong? With Julian and Howard coming in too late, The sorcerer successfully stabs Randy deeply in the chest, making him be the one to lose and slowly die. The last things he got to see and hear at the end is a concerned Julian, a devastated crying Howard and the laughter of his enemy in the background.

After dying with one last breath, Randy ends up in a void. A blank, white, empty void with no one else but him, who is now mostly black and white, expect for the bleeding wound on his chest, a painful reminder of his defeat. Well, the nomicon is with him. However, he can’t communicate with it anymore.

Why? Because the book, that is also lost of color like the boy, seems to be corrupted. Not like evil corruption but just some kind of corruption that keeps it shut and quiet, no glowing, no beeps, nothing, having this sort of ink all over the cover that never stops dripping and keeps its pages sticky and shut tight.

Randy doesn’t understand this and the place he is stuck in but all he does know is he can’t get help anymore and he can’t even get to see what is going on in his home right now, though he assumes that it’s now slowly turning into a chaotic wasteland thanks to the sorcerer. All he can do now is cry and cry, mumbling to himself and getting mad at himself for losing so easily like that, probably even developing self hatred in the process.

There is actually some continuation i made for this with a good ending, where Randy somehow is able to fix the Nomicon, get out of the endless white void, get revived, reunite with Howard along with many others and finally defeat the sorcerer once and for all. Though that one never got finished and from what I remember, it’s not really canon and not a true ending to this au so….oops.

——————

But yeah, these are my Randy Au’s. There is kinda a few more but not really.

#rc9gn #ninja show #rc9gn randy #randy cunningham #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #ninja #au #evil au #alternative universe #doodles #drawing #fan art #bad ending

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tycarstairs · 4 months

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ready to fight for my life for ty blackthorn when twp is released because the way people are already infantilizing and patronizing him bc he’s autistic is so….

no one asked for this but i’ve seen a lot of people have weird takes on his autism so as an autistic woman i need to clear some things up ok 😭 so buckle up, this is gonna be a long one (seriously, it’s long)

the main arguments i’ve seen are: (i’m paraphrasing here btw)

“ty didn’t cry when livvy died but he did cry when kit said he wished he’d never known him so it’s clear that he does love kit.”

and

“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”

and

“ty gets on my nerves because he didn’t react at all when kit told him he loved him”

like. i do get what you’re saying (with the first one. not the second one, that’s a stereotype, and also not the third one bc that’s just weird), because it does show that ty cares but like. obviously? all his actions before that showed that he cared too.

saying “he cried when him and kit fought but not when livvy died” just comes off as acting like he’s more upset about kit leaving and insulting him than he is about kit dying and that just rubs me the wrong way.

i know this is not common knowledge but autistic people often have delayed processing, especially when we’re grieving because it can be so overstimulating and even when we do grieve, it’s not gonna look the same as when an allistic person grieves.

so, delayed processing:

delayed processing in autism is where you are recording/aknowledge events as they happen, however that information is stored elsewhere in the brain and isn't taken in.

once the brain is ready or has capacity the information is suddenly taken in. this could be hours, weeks, days or even months later.

an example (from justkeepstimming_ on instagram):

An autistic person whose mother died at quite a young age. At the time, when his father was grieving, it did not appear the autistic son was upset.

However, one year after his mother's death, he suddenly processed that she was gone (permanently) and only then started the grieving process.

that example is pretty much exactly what happened with ty in qoaad.

partly, ty didn’t cry when livvy died because he didn’t accept that she was dead. he was so sure that he was gonna bring her back and for a long time, he probably didn’t even consider the fact that he might fail.

after livvy dies, kit says this:

“Everyone had been terrified. Ty would fall apart, they’d thought. Kit remembered Julian standing over Ty as he slept, one hand stroking his brother’s hair, and he’d been praying—Kit didn’t even know Shadowhunters prayed, but Julian definitely had been. Ty would crumble in a world without his sister, they’d all thought; he’d fall away to ashes just like Livvy’s body.”

if ty were allistic, he probably would have reacted like this immediately. and he does react like this eventually when his brain fully processes that the ritual didn’t work, that livvy is actually not coming back:

“Livvy!” Ty didn’t scream the word so much as it was ripped from him; he curled up, hugging himself, as if desperate to keep his body from shattering apart.”

this is when ty actually processes that his sister is gone. so saying, “ty didn’t cry when his sister died but he cried when him and kit fought” as if it’s some really romantic thing that he was sadder about kit leaving than livvy dying (which is not true) is just iffy because it’s such a stereotype and a misconception that autistic people don’t seem to care at all when people die, and way too many people from this fandom are feeding into that so much.

and ty does show is grieving throughout qoaad but because it’s not in the allistic way, a lot of readers don’t recognize it.

(i was actually so positively surprised to see that cassandra clare, an allistic woman, wrote the grieving process for an autistic character—and everything else about being autistic tbh—so well but it gives me so much hope for twp)

for example, autistic people (this is obviously not all autistic people as all autistic people are different but i'm just listing the signs i've seen in ty in qoaad) when they're grieving might show their grief gradually in more subtle ways by hurting themselves, emotionally or physically, which ty does do:

"The only person he was unkind to, Kit thought, was himself."

and we also see in gotsm that ty is continuously punishing himself because he is still grieving. livvy is simultaneously there and dead, and ty has to live with both the grief of her death and the guilt of her being stuck as a ghost.

there's also the fact that kit observes that ty starts keeping secrets and doing things alone, which is also common when trying to process emotions that haven’t fully caught up yet:

“In the past days, though, since Julian and Emma had woken up, Ty had been harder to find. If he was working on something, he hadn’t included Kit in it—a thought that hurt with surprising intensity.”

like. ty is pulling away because he is trying to process everything that’s happening. him excluding kit is very likely a symptom of some kind of delayed grief because it’s very unlike him to exclude kit from anything, as we can see when he says multiple times outright that he doesn’t want to do things without kit.

just because it’s more subtle than breaking down into tears doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it at all. it’s more likely that he simply feels too much and is shutting down because of it.

and of course his grief is gonna be subtle when he hasn’t even accepted and processed the fact that she’s dead yet.

and yes, he cried when kit told him he wished he’d never met him but that is so different because there was no room for denial. kit told him that word for word, the processing wasn’t delayed this time because there wasn’t really that much to process.

ty truly believed right away that his only friend wished he had never known him, and when livvy died he didn’t accept that she was dead. those things are different and pitting them against each other is weird.

so, onto the second argument/misconception i’ve seen that:

“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”

this is a misconception stemming from the stereotype that autistic people are emotionless. yes, some autistic people might have a harder time crying because of shutdowns etc. but generalizing it to it’s hard for autistic people to cry is just wrong, especially because this has never been implied about ty in the text.

in fact, it’s the opposite:

“Ty heard everything twice as loud and fast as everyone else. The headphones and the music, Kit sensed, were a buffer: They deadened not just other noises, but also feelings that would otherwise be too intense. They protected him from hurt.

He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live so intensely, to feel things so much, to have the world sway into and out of too-bright colors and too-bright noises. When every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven, it only made sense to calm yourself by concentrating all your energy on something small that you could master—a mass of pipe cleaners to unravel, the pebbled surface of a glass between your fingers.”

so implying that it’s harder for ty to either cry or feel sad is just wrong. kit notes that “every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven”, and this includes ty’s grief. him not crying when livvy died has nothing to do with how much he may or may not be feeling and everything to do with how delayed his processing was.

and the third complaint of ty is frustrating because he didn’t react when kit told him he loved him.

first of all, i don’t know if it’s my autistic ass not understanding allistic people but is it not normal to be in shock when someone tells you they love you in the middle of a necromancy ritual???

and second of all, this scene from city of heavenly fire where julian says “i know it’s hard to understand, ty, but we love you” like it’s supposed to explain their actions and ty reacts like this:

Ty looked at him blankly. He knew what “I love you” meant, and he knew it was good, but he didn’t understand why it was an explanation for anything.”

ty looking at kit blankly in surprise in qoaad is not him “not reacting”, it’s him trying to process 1) what that has to do with anything and 2) why that would be an explanation or an argument as to why ty should stop the ritual.

(it is probably also partly because ty thought kit had feelings for livvy at this point but that’s just speculation so i won’t get into it now)

to kit, this was probably his way of saying that because he loves him, ty can stop the ritual and kit will help him with the aftermath.

to ty, kit’s confession made no sense in that moment because why would kit loving him mean that he should stop the ritual? and this was most likely also the moment when his grief was really starting to kick in, so that just adds to it.

yeah idk if anyone made it to the end but as you can tell, i have a lot to say and i’m tired of people romanticizing ty’s grief.

#this is so long i’m sorry #sick of fandoms infantilizing neurodivergent characters #ty blackthorn i will always defend you #i’m putting my english degree to good use #the dark artifices #ty blackthorn #livvy blackthorn #the wicked powers #kit herondale #kitty #kit x ty #shadowhunters #actually autistic #twp #cassandra clare

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