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#but to be fair this is you know a pretty major thing to his story lmao
airas-story · 2 days
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Cats
“Okay, that’s just ridiculous,” Tony argued as he threw the book down on the table between him and Stephen. He pointed at the passage he’d just read. “There is no way you can really do that.”
Stephen looked at the passage, then smirked at him, that supercilious expression that he used purely to taunt Tony. “Are you really doubting what I’m capable of, Tony? You know better than that.”
“Yeah, I’m calling bullshit. No way can you shapeshift.” He looked down at the picture that was showing a detailed series of images of a human turning into a cat. “Especially not into a cat. You’re a sorcerer, not a witch!”
“Admittedly, I never have,” Stephen said. “But I could. And the relation between witches and cats is almost entirely a fictional gimmick, just so you know.”
“Do it, then,” Tony told him, ignoring the last part.. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m watching.”
Stephen copied him, leaning back in his own chair. “I have nothing to prove to you, Tony.”
Tony smirked. “Meaning you can’t.”
Stephen didn’t look impressed. “You’re not going to bait me into turning into a cat, Tony.”
Tony narrowed his eyes. “You know what, I bet Loki can. Isn’t shapeshifting one of his major skills? Thor told me a story of Loki turning into a snake.”
In order to stab Thor, but Tony didn’t mention that. Stephen already thought that Loki was a menace to society, no need to give him further proof that he was, just maybe, right. 
“You’re not going to bait me into turning into a cat, Tony,” Stephen repeated, but there was a specific glint in his eyes that meant Tony’s poke had successfully riled Stephen. “I don’t care whether Loki can or can’t do a specific piece of magic.”
Tony shifted tactics. He placed his elbows on the table and leaned his chin on his fists. “Uh huh.”
Stephen glared at him. “You. Are. Not. Baiting. Me.”
“I agreed with you,” Tony pointed out. “That’s what ‘uh huh’ means. It’s in the dictionary and everything. I’m not doing any baiting. Obviously you don’t need to prove anything when it comes to Loki.”
Stephen leaned forward and flipped the page of the book, shoving it at Tony. “You should maybe be a little less eager,” he said. “Because a sorcerer’s transformation abilities extend beyond personal shapeshifting.”
Tony examined the page. There was another image of a human transforming into a cat, but this time it wasn’t the sorcerer. Huh. “So you’re saying that you could turn me into a cat?” he asked. “Wait, are you threatening to turn me into a cat? Rude. But also, I’d be an excellent cat." He paused as an idea occurred to him. "You know... we could be cats together.” He grinned at Stephen. “We could cuddle in patches of sunlight.”
Stephen sighed. “You really are not to be deterred, are you?”
Tony shrugged. “I don’t see why I would be. Plus, if something went wrong, either Wong or Loki could save us, right?”
“First of all, nothing would go wrong. Second, under no circumstances would I ever let Loki save me. And third, nothing would go wrong.”
Tony hummed in agreement—to be fair, he didn’t want Loki to save them, either; Loki would never let it go—as he read the passage on other-human transformations. And really, sometimes the things Stephen was capable of were a little scary. At the same time, Tony trusted Stephen completely.
Also, Tony was pretty sure they’d both make great cats. Plus, if they were cats, no one would judge them for taking a naps.
That’d be nice.
And Stephen desperately needed more sleep, so the naps would be good for him.
“You are absolutely hopeless,” Stephen muttered. “Fine. Let me study the spell.”
Tony looked up and beamed at Stephen. “We’re going to be cats?”
Stephen sighed. “Yes, we can be cats.”
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I'm surprised I haven't really seen anybody talking about the food sourcing theme in dungeon meshi. Like, the very first thing it made me think about when I started reading the manga was like "oh yeah, this really makes you think about food, where it comes from, the work needed to create enough food for one person, let alone a small group, to eat comfortably and nutritiously. Laios even specifically calls out that 'regular' food is also made using shit and dirt, intentionally grounding it in reality and subtly asking the reader to introspect on the food they eat and where it comes from."
Like, it's fair to say kui has the old "world builder's" spirit, it's easy to extrapolate a whole world when you're willing to both ask "how does x mundane task work?" And being willing to give it as fanciful or grounded an answer as you feel is appropriate, food is the central theme, but that sort of thinking extends to every corner of the lore and world building where you can practically begin to trace back a lot of world elements to these basic questions, like "what would happen if there were people who lived for 500 years, what would happen if you fought a creature with two heads" and I think that's really cool-
But like, that core question "where does the food that sustains you come from" is like such a relevant question that we should all be asking ourselves. I suppose it's just that I think about that often, both when I'm world building, and in modern and historical contexts.
In a lot of ways it's alienation of labor, most USAmericans (to keep it at least slightly contained in scope) don't get to know where any of the food they eat actually comes from. At best, you might buy your own groceries and maybe even be able to google some information as to the conditions at the place this food was grown, maybe you're lucky/resourced enough to grow some of your own food in like a garden. At worst you get your food premade and prepackaged and you're even completely divorced from the preparation aspect.
A major symptom of this is clearly shown in dungeon meshi's opening and especially in kabru shuro and even the canaries: when food is taken for granted, it becomes easy to neglect. The party initially wiped simply because they'd not considered how suicidal it was to press onward while exhausted, Kabru is so dissociated and focused that he shuts out most of his own biological signifiers of hunger, Shuro starves himself, equating food with leisure instead of a vital practice to sustain life and energy, and of course there's mister no desires.
It's no mistake that in all of the above cases, it's seemed to be heavily implied that food is either an after thought, or someone else's responsibility, or a simple logistical concern. Senshi's whole rant (in volume 1!!) about "oh the youths of today just buying prepackaged meat wine and bread" is especially tied in to this main theme of "do you know where your food comes from?" By taking it to the next level and asking "do you know why you're eating what you're eating?"
To take a personal side tangent, I was recently diagnosed as diabetic, and it's completely changed my relationship to food on a pretty fundamental level, but I'd say I'd always had a pretty good and healthy relationship with food (after I stopped having an eating disorder but that's a story for another day) so it was an easy enough adjustment to have to start actually thinking about how much of my diet was carbs and things like that, it just became a matter of considering what I was eating and when and why. I'm still not perfect at it and it's still a learning process but I'm working on it.
Anyways, my main theory as to why I've not seen it being pontificated on is just that in general people really hate being asked "do you know what you're eating?" Around these parts in a general fashion, but like, especially with weaponized starvation going on and very real issues of things like food desserts in America, and the fact that we all have to pay for just about every little meal, I think it's important for leftists to contemplate the political implications of meals.
An army runs on its stomach after all. Rant over
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sarsaparilla-star · 11 days
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playing fallout 3 for the first time means oscillating between "this is a really fun game and is reminding me why i love fallout" and "this is the worst thing anybody has ever written"
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vigilskeep · 1 year
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How does Keir feel about Justice?
keir’s working on a very simple equation here: he loves anders. justice is an inextricable part of anders. thus, by default, he loves justice. these are all inevitable basic facts that nothing could alter. anders what’s not clicking. anders why are you crying
which is not even to say that keir only cares abt justice because of anders. to go back to keir and anders’ first meeting, they’re initially confrontational, and that changes after what happens at the chantry. one of multiple reasons for that is seeing justice. keir loves magic, is fascinated by spirits, and is all in favour of doing immeasurable violence to protect the mages he cares about, that’s like, his whole thing. anders gets a solid +30 keir approval here for risking everything to help the people he loves and making the hard choices etc etc, but justice gets the same for his ferocity and protectiveness. (also that whole “you will never take another mage” bit was hot okay we can all agree that and move on.) keir continues to not be certain about justice, having not much to go off except anders’ fears and insecurities, until dissent and night terrors in act 2.
in dissent, justice gets out of hand and frightens anders, yes, but if you don’t lose it after seeing a thing like that, when are you going to? i mean, keir just saw a girl get threatened with tranquillity and implied sexual assault in the same prison his little sister is trapped in, he’s about to fucking lose it too. and even after all that justice listens! and stops! then in night terrors justice is completely loyal and reliable (more than anyone else in this damn house). justice absolutely has keir’s respect and trust by the end of act 2. keir also knows that anders doesn’t have the same confidence in justice (or in himself in general, which to keir’s uncertain eyes seems like a connected or the same issue) and keir is trying to handle that carefully while having all the delicate situation handling ability of a sledgehammer. i also don’t mean that keir doesn’t think justice is capable of getting confused and losing it and doing a lot of harm, just that so is keir, and unlike him (in keir’s opinion), justice has an actual reason for not being able to understand how people work or this world works, and they can help each other or something maybe. i don’t think keir could fully understand or communicate any of this but that’s roughly where he’s at rn. and i don’t think he’s straight up in love with justice or anything per se, not as i would say he’s in love with anders, because if nothing else the ability to talk to justice when he’s up front is simply so fucking limited. (for the same reason i haven’t yet figured out exactly how i think justice feels at all though i have a few uhhh preliminary brushstrokes of it if u will.) but he does love justice, as described above, by default, because he is in love with anders, and they’re part of each other. if that distinction makes sense to anyone but me lmao
this is all based off my perception of justice in da2, which to summarise is hinged on 1) justice’s character gets pretty butchered in this game and nobody likes him which makes me sad, and i’ve decided in-world to pin part of that on varric’s perception of justice so i can get away with a few small fixes, sorry varric. and 2) anders and justice aren’t separate guys to me. i don’t really follow the portrayal of justice as like a houseguest in anders’ head with occasional commentary. i very much base my characterisation of anders-justice on their introductory quest bit abt not even the greatest scholar being able to tell where one ends and the other begins. like there’s a more anders part and a more justice part, sure, but when he’s doing his spirit mode thing that’s also anders and when he’s going about his regular day that’s also justice. i mean just listen to him in his banters, that’s clearly also justice in his day to day conversation. so you can’t pick and choose one or the other, and to only love anders and not justice would to me be to not love an ever-present part of him, and personally i would hate playing a romance like that. it’s certainly not something keir “zero to one hundred loyalty” hawke is remotely capable of. oh and 3) i adore justice he is my pal and he has Such A Bad Time in this game i need someone to care abt and not be afraid of him. for my health. canon can call me back later idc
these are all rough concepts and i need to finish the playthrough to figure out what i think justice is thinking but ultimately i Do kind of think it would be fun eventually if they kiss and then anders immediately claps his hand over his mouth and say scandalised “justice, you—you bloody hypocrite!” while keir laughs unexpectedly loud. that is my justhanders take. is that the right ship name
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sepherinaspoppies · 1 month
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Riding the Dragon- Modern! Aemond Targaryen x Reader
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summary: after a great dinner with Aemond, he decides to give you a ride on his motorcycle, a Dragon T6.
warnings: 18+, MDNI, public smut, pussy on bike, cum play?, reader getting off on Aemond's bike, some tiddy succin, mentions of p in v sex, I think that it?
wc: 3,064
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dividers by @firefly-graphics
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click here for a tiktok that gives off aemond in this story lo
notes: this is my first time writing in reader's pov? the whole 'you' kind of perspective. I apologize if it sucks ass, I wanted to try something different. And can y'all believe I wrote majority of this when I was ovulating? HAHA
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“I had a really nice time tonight.” The man in front of you says with a content and flirtatious smile on his pretty chiseled face. 
Heat coats through your cheeks to the tip of your ears. Definitely not the effect of the two glasses of wine you’d drunk not too long ago. Wine hardly ever did a number on you to slightly fuddle your conscience. 
You give him a sheepish grin, scraping the tips of your heels against the pavement, shying away from the intensity that his eye holds. “Same here. I hope we can do this again sometime.”
His face contorts in a way that clearly indicates that the feeling is in fact very, mutual. “Mind if I take down your number?” He asks, pulling out the latest new Iphone from his pocket. You only engaged in conversation through the dating app both of you met in and you thought it seemed only fair to give him your number after weeks of meeting him.
He taps a few things on his screen before you’re met with a white screen with only your first name and birthday typed. It is then when you wonder how he came about on knowing your birthday, if you had ever mentioned it in your electrifying conversations either on the app or this date. Most likely the second option. 
You knew his name, well if you’d call it that, supplying you only his first initial. By his angelic looks, he was definitely of Valyrian descent. And you hate how much of a sucker you were for those blonde bitches. You knew he was in the last year of university, double majoring in political science and business here in the capital. You also knew he had a geriatric maine coon cat, Vhagar, who’d stuck with him since he was a child. 
But that was pretty much it. 
You nod, typing out the most critical information both of you needed in order to secure the second date. “Here you go,” you hand back his phone with such caution that causes his lips to quiver in a smirk. 
He leans forward, too forward in a way you feel his breath steadily fanning your face and the warmth that radiates through his chest. You don’t pull away as his head lowers, keeping your gaze steady with his, admiring the amethyst hue of his lone eye that twinkles against the low street lights. 
A snakes his hand around your hips, which normally you’d slap away if it was any other man. But he was different. A rare gentleman who bought you a single winter rose even when you were five minutes late, let you devour the fries off his plate, and hashed your steak without asking. 
You wanted him to kiss you and perhaps even more. 
You wouldn’t say no. If anything you’d whimper out a simple “please” if it came to that. 
However, just as you expect his lips, it doesn’t come. He pulls away with a lupine smirk on his face, waiting for a response to a question you did not hear.
You cough away the slight embarrassment, “What?” 
“I asked what your password was,” 
Before you process how he did it, you see him wave the gray screen of your phone around your face, waiting for the six digit code. 
Oh. 
“I got your number but you did not get mine and you’re gonna need it when I take you out to dinner again.” The blonde in front of you points out. 
True.
It almost feels too goofy revealing the code that multiple of your friends tease you for. Nevertheless, you stutter out the numbers: one, two, three, four, five, and six. 
You hear him dryly laugh, shaking his head side to side as he types out the three sets of numbers. “Mmm, you need a better password, darling. One might think you want your personal information stolen,” He teases. You shift your thighs to a close at the term of endearment, already feeling the slightest tingles in a place where you desired him the most. 
You make a sound of agreement making a mental note to change it later tonight. After he hands back your phone, he combs back the loose silvery hair out of his face into a neat bun that well flatters his face. “Take mine for example; it’s five, twenty-two, one-thirty. Easy to remember.” 
“Is that your cat’s birthday?” You questioned. 
“No. It’s the day we matched on Tinder.” 
You are lost for words. Not even you knew the exact date you matched with him, only knowing it was around a few weeks ago. Judging by your reaction, he knew what you were thinking. 
After a few more rounds of flirtatious conversations, you both decided to call it a night, waving each other goodnight as you watched as he sped up in a black, shiny Dragon T6, a vintage motorcycle that was the second most precious thing he owned. (The first being Vhagar). You’d be lying if that wasn’t one of the list of reasons why you swiped right. A tall Valyrian man, with long locks, that rode a motorcycle definitely modeled the countless dark romance books you’d spent hours reading. 
To your frustration, the price of Uber had doubled the amount you’d paid for hours ago. Not even Uber Share happened to be near your price range. For ten gold dragons, you could buy a week’s worth of groceries!
So you sighed, turning off your phone. Your usual bus was still in service and way cheaper than the ridiculous prices of Uber. And while it was too late to be out by yourself, it was a risk you were willing to take. 
As you rummage through your wallet for some copper coins, you hear a deep, rumbling sound of an engine revving up close to where you stand. 
It’s him. Braking his bike on the side of the road where you are. His expensive Lysene suit coat no longer hugged his body, wearing only a white dress shirt that was half unbuttoned, giving you an impeccable view of his perfectly rounded cleavage and the multiple hidden tattoos you didn’t know he had. 
“Hop in,” He says, pointing his head to the side. It was not a request but a demand. 
You tilt your head, unsure whether to say yes or no. “Is it safe?” You ask. His chest moves, seemingly laughing as he opens the visor of his helmet. “Of course it is. I’m a cautious driver, never had an accident and I don’t think I ever will. I made sure to drink water after a glass of wine, so I’m not under the influence.” 
He narrows his eye, observing the hesitation written throughout your face. He offers the spare helmet from his bag and hopes that it will coax the uneasiness. 
“If you’re so dubious about it then by all means the bike is yours to drive.” 
It’s your turn to laugh because the thought of you riding something of high value and rarity seemed absurd and silly. You were someone who did not have experience in driving in general whilst also being terrified of the narrow and steep roads of King’s Landing. 
But there was no humor in A’s eye. 
“You’re not serious are you?” 
He powers off the bike before he scoots back from his seat. “I am.” He eagerly pats the spot he has saved for you. 
“You do realize that this is a Dragon T6, right? They practically don’t make these anymore!” You gesture your hands around the expensive looking machine that was probably worth more than your left kidney. 
He clicks his tongue, crossing his arms on his chest. “What’s your point?”
You scoff playfully, “My point is that manufacturers don’t make these anymore and if I crash it–”  
“–You should have a little more faith in yourself. Maybe this will come naturally to you but you’ll never know if you don’t try.” 
You can’t help but exhale in slight failure. This was a conversation you knew you couldn’t win with him. “Look, I’m not going to pressure you into something you don’t feel comfortable doing but I happen to be a great teacher. And if you do crash I’ll buy another, they aren’t that expensive anyways.” The Valyrian man shrugs as if thousands, or hundred thousands of gold dragons were nothing. 
You mutter a “fine” under your breath which makes him all giddy with excitement and slides the helmet down your head. He double checks if it's secured before he lifts you to sit properly on his bike. 
“Or I have one or two things in mind of how you could repay me.” 
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Every single piece of information he hurled your way was taken deep into your head. And you did your best to pay attention to it all under the sharp needles of nerves going through your spine. At some point he had given you little rubs up and down your back to soothe your nerves. The effect was anything but that, instead all you could think about was how his hands would feel against the bareness of your body.
Fuck. 
You tried to push those lewd thoughts away as he demonstrated the anatomy of the Dragon T6. The ignition was a little red switch right below the speedometer, whilst the clutch was on the left hand side and the accelerator in your right. The gear shift was something you had to get used to as it was not on your eye level but rather a small little lever near your foot. 
Once he feels you’ve gotten the grasp of how everything works it was time for the ultimate test. “Alright now we start. Are you ready?” He asked with an eager smile tugging his lips. 
No.
You nod your head, adjusting the mirrors to match your height. You feel the tips of his fingers lift and turn your chin towards him, “Use your words, darling.” There it was that name again that made you clutch your thighs together. You audibly gulp, “Y-yes I’m ready.”
“Good,” His hands squeeze at your hip bones to bring you closer to him. Your eyes widen almost comically to what you assume is his cock pressing insistently onto your ass. It was hard, and through the thin material of your dress you could feel it throbbing full of want and need. Gods, how will you ever focus now?
A brief image flashed through your mind of how much and what was packing underneath his undergarments. The length and thickness and how it would feel wrapped around your palm as you’d stroke him from base to tip, or the taste of him as you’d take him inside your mouth, or having his full length stuffed deep inside you as he fucked you dumb. 
Something tells you that he knows what you are thinking but neither of you speak about it. 
Finally, he takes your hands onto the handles of the clutch and the accelerator and you, being a step ahead, check if the gear is on neutral before you release the clutch and to your satisfaction it is. The blonde behind you smiles at you proudly like a teacher would to their student. 
“Now, you’re gonna slowly release the clutch and twist the accelerator slightly…there you go, good girl. You’re doing such a good job.” He coos at your ear. 
The beat of your heart raced almost out of your chest. You weren’t sure if it was the excitement of a small accomplishment or the low timbre of his voice praising you but you welcomed it. 
With confidence you didn’t know you had, you decided to drive the rest of the way to your apartment without complications and took up every tip the man behind you advised. The cool air kissing your skin and the adrenaline wildly pumping through your veins, awoke something in you and slowly you began to comprehend why A loved riding. 
You had felt like a small bird taking its first flight through the skies. 
When you both reached the parking lot to your apartment, you returned his helmet and a small part lingering inside you did not want to let it go. You enjoyed it and the freedom it brought you.  
“That was so fun! I can’t believe it was that easy. Think I need to save me up for one of these,” You quipped patting the bike. 
He throws his head back to let out an amused laugh, “Or I can just give you this one,” A tone of nonchalant laced through his voice. 
You look at him baffled, “I was–” 
“–But first we need to get you your license before I–” 
“–Absolutely not, I was jesting.” You snipped, making him roll his eyes with a slight pout drawing out his lips.
“You’re stubborn and difficult, has anyone told you that?” You chortle thinking of the numerous times you’ve been called that. 
“Plenty of times but I reckon this won’t be the last.” 
He hums tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear, “I guess I have to fuck it out of you.”
You blink.
The hue of your cheeks increased tenfold, your feet and body became paralyzed to what he had just confessed. 
Had he just said that to shut you up? If so it worked. 
You didn’t know how to respond to something as bold as that and to your inclination you lowered your head but the blonde behind you couldn’t have that. You felt the tips of his fingers roughly grip your jaw to meet his gaze. The amethyst hue of his eye turned into a darker shade of violet as he eyed between your eyes then your lips. 
Every part of you screamed for him to kiss you or to do something to appease the longing. 
You instinctively parted your lips when his head began to dip towards your lips. The tip of his nose brushed delicately against your own then it slowly trailed to sniff at your neck, the sweet smell of spiced peaches. 
“Nyke jaelagon ao,” He whispered in his mother language. 
“Pār emagon issa,” You said before you mentally said ‘fuck it’ and knocked the wind out of him with a kiss. 
He lets out a mix between a growl and a groan as he feels your wandering hands tugging the roots of his hair. Something you yearned to do ever since you saw how long and silky his hair was. 
And Gods did it meet your expectations. 
His lips moved against yours most ardently and with equal fervor. It was hungry and needy the way your teeth clashed with his, tongues dancing for dominance until you hissed when he bit your lower lip. 
You melted into his warm embrace, deciding to tease him by rubbing your palm on his clothed length, detecting a damp patch. You shot your eyes open, separating away your lips. 
“Did you just cum?” You panted heavily. 
A smirked, “I came when you first got on the bike and I was about to cum right now.” 
You quirked a brow, “That’s what did it for you?” Redness coated his cheeks and before you knew it his lips were on you again and his hands lifted the hem of your dress, exposing the black lacy panties you wore just for him. 
“Incase you get lucky,” Your best friend Sara teased just the day before when you and her took a shopping trip to a Lysene lingerie store. 
Through some imaginary telepathic communication, you thanked Sara. 
He groaned feeling the wetness that gathered through your folds. You weren’t just wet, you were dripping like honey on a hot summer’s day. A mischievous idea popped into his mind, something so lewd that made the head of his cock twitch with excitement. 
You squealed as he swiftly turned you around and twisted the ignition switch on. Was he going to make you drive in this state? 
“Move your panties to the side.” He commanded behind you. 
You pushed away the curiosity and did what he bid you to do. “Good girl. Now lean forward a bit.” You shifted yourself forward until you could feel the warm metal of his seat pressing tenaciously at your bare cunt. 
A gasp turned into drawn out moans as the blonde behind you revved the accelerator at a speed that made stars appear in your eyes. It felt good, so obscenely good that all thoughts about being in a public setting flew right over your head. 
You began to grind yourself with the vibrations, creating as much friction to your bud as you could. 
“That’s it, darling,” He encouraged behind you, increasing power to the accelerator just enough for your arousal to coat his bike. “Fuck yourself on my Dragon.” 
You clenched around nothing, whining as you felt the pure waves of ecstasy slithering down your spine. It was unlike anything you ever felt, not even the vibrator you owned made you topple over the edge.
In ten seconds or less, you loudly moaned, not caring who heard or saw you, as your legs shaked and the coil around your stomach loosened, cumming absolutely hard. 
Your limbs felt entirely spent as if you ran three laps around Rhaenys’ hill. 
“Mmm, do not get too comfortable, now, darling.” He boasted smugly as his fingers scoop your honey to his lips, humming at the delicious taste. “I haven’t even fucked you senseless yet and after witnessing this I want nothing more but to ruin your ability to walk straight for week.” 
A low whine escaped your lips at the thought of him roughly taking you. “Is that what you want?” He questioned, lowering the straps of your dress to expose your breasts to his gaze. 
You sighed contently, feeling his tongue enclosing around your perk nipple. “Yes please,” You tenderly loop your fingers through his hair. 
“I promise I will never make you beg,” He murmurs against your breast, “But you sound so pretty when you do.” 
He had kept true to his word as he not only bent you over his bike as he fucked you raw, but took you three more rounds on your couch, bed and shower until you absolutely passed out in his arms. And for the rest of the week you couldn’t walk straight without limping. Thanks to Aemond Targaryen. 
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empty is who I couldn't tag sowwy besties.
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justporo · 6 months
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Senseless
Astarion, Staeve and the others barely survived their last big fight. Staeve can barely take the exhaustion which might or might not be amplified by how his local vampire has been regularly feeding on him. He desperately tries to push through... And Astarion has a few things to say about that.
MASTERLIST | AO3
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Author's Note: This will be quite long, so... sorry! But I have a few things to add about this. First of all, I dedicate this piece of writing to the lovely @velnna - creator of the legendary Staeve and incredible artist! (Check him out if you don't know him already, I will say it again) This story is a continuation to "Bloodless". Back during writing that I already imagined Staeve being the Tav in that story (but didn't officially make it so). Back then I was waaay to too scared to tag velnna - but: I recently found out (well, he told me himself- and very kindly), that he indeed found it, read it - and liked it! (I was in shock...) And so I immediately thought that I would have to write an actual Staeve x Astarion piece for him. So here we are! @velnna, thank you so much for your kind words - I will be thinking of this and be motivated by it for a long time! And thank you also for all the amazing art you provide this community with! It's written from the usual second person POV - but it's STAEVE!
Pairing: Astarion/Staeve (You, male reader) Warnings: none, but major Act 2 spoilers so it will fully remain below the cut Wordcount: 3,5k ~~~
Barely, just barely had you all made it out of this godsdamned mausoleum alive. And after slaying a demon, oh, some other folks too, completing the Gauntlet of Shar, and a trip to the Shadowfell, you felt positively exhausted. And you felt that it was rightfully earned. Especially knowing that you wouldn’t get much rest before you were taking on an even bigger threat.
No rest for the wicked, it seemed – even though you weren’t entirely sure if that meant you or your foes.
You’d been pretty much exhausted even before you had entered the mausoleum and then what lay beneath (and before a certain devil had made it even worse). All because a certain vampire had to be kept fed and happy. Not that you were complaining about it though.
The two of you had your disagreements about it. Especially since you had already ended up in the dirt once because you might’ve been just a tad too eager about offering your neck to the vampire. You had both agreed to take it a bit slower after that - at least with the whole feeding thing.
Although you had still felt like it hadn’t been that much of a deal, the vampire had kept hissing at you to not be so desperate, as he called it. You would have called it: being way too stubborn to accept some godsdamned help.
And that is what had become of you both: two idiots, not really being able to admit to each other how deeply you actually cared for the other. Until just recently.
But even with that - it still meant you were both very much on uncharted territory. And putting feelings into words after such a long time of just trying to suppress them was by far not an easy feat to achieve.
And then, when you had entered the Shadowlands with barely anything alive in it – what else could you have done but to offer yourself up again? Astarion’s survival instincts had kicked in once more and so had your urge to provide – for as long as you were able to be there for him.
On top of that, the moments of tenderness that always followed, holding each other, kissing each other, deeply, – and before a certain night not long ago, often more – had done their fair share of consoling you about just a little blood loss. Barely anything couldn’t be forgotten as long as you were laying in the arms of someone you wanted to just keep holding onto – right?
But as much as you tried to ignore it: you still felt it. Felt how the generous donations to your local vampire tended to make you a little sluggish. Maybe it was even a bit more than just a little. More than once causing you to only make a critical dodge or lift your blade to parry in the last possible moment. Your A game definitely looked different.
But then again: did you want to be responsible for Astarion’s waning strength when it was so easy to just saunter over to him in the evening? Talk to him, get him to throw some of his sultry lines at you, cheesing your way to the same moment almost every night where you deliberately offered the vampire to feed on you. And he always accepted in the end.
It had become a well practised dance between the two of you over the past time spent in these godsforsaken lands. And so it had been in like about you trying to hide the effects all of this had on your constitution 
So, when you had come out of the damned crypt – alive, even if only by a hair – your first order had been to lie down. Just right in front of the stone arch. Right in the dirt.
“Gods above and below”, you whispered, letting out a sigh and spreading out all of your limbs.
As soon as you made contact with the ground you knew it would be next to impossible to get up again in the near future. So, you settled for getting cosy with what you got. Which meant wiggling around until you found a somewhat comfortable position where the sword on your back wouldn’t press too much into your back.
“Gods, Staeve, you couldn’t wait ten seconds?”, Shadowheart scoffed and made a big step over one of your stretched out limbs – too stubborn to actually find a way around you. Incredible, how she still had the energy to be sassy after everything that must be weighing on her mind now. But then again, you really couldn’t blame her for deflecting with a generous amount of sarcasm.
“Ten seconds? What difference would that have made, eh?”, you answered her.
You lifted your head up a little. “I’d just be lying over there then”, you continued and weakly pointed down the path a bit.
The cleric just rolled her eyes at you and groaned at you again as the rest of the companions left the dusty old place as well. All of you blood covered and feeling exhaustion down to your bones.
You closed your eyes as you felt the fatigue grab almost complete hold of you. Meanwhile you heard how some of the others settled down around you. Halsin, who’d been lightly injured in the fight, winced as he sat down.
Your eyes flew open at the sound of it and lifting your head up again, you looked at him. But the druid just smiled and waved you off - no big deal, thankfully. So you let your head sink to the ground again, eyes shutting with a sigh. You barely had it in you to stay awake right this moment.
Your limbs felt heavy as lead, and you felt the drag on your eyelids. Meanwhile your pulse was still thrumming in your chest and your ears. A nervous rhythm that threatened to become the only thing baring you from drifting off to blissful and much needed sleep.
You were well aware that this kind of exhaustion wasn’t normal - even with everything you and the others had gone through. It had slowly become more and more - up to where you were now lying in the dirt, not sure if you would make it to camp tonight. Might be you were kind of in a pickle - but best not to dwell on it.
Next time you opened your eyes was when you heard some rustling quite near to you. It was Astarion, kneeling next to you. He was giving you one of his judgemental glances with a raised eyebrow, red eyes piercing as ever.
“Oh, hi love”, you said and grinned, tiredly wiggling your eyebrows at him. The vampire didn’t even acknowledge you - except for his eyebrow rising still a bit higher.
 “So”, he drawled, an edge to his voice you couldn’t fully place, “are we getting up or do we have to carry you, love.” He made a little dramatic pause before he sarcastically spat out the last word.
You slapped your hand to your armoured chest with some effort and made a face that hopefully conveyed how hurt you felt by his implied accusation.
Astarion didn’t give a shit about your histrionics.
So you decided for a comeback.
“My friend, you aren’t carrying anyone, anywhere at any time in the near future”, you replied dryly. You heard Karlach snicker somewhere behind you. At least you’d gotten someone’s approval. The vampire gave the tiefling a death glare, then his ruby gaze wandered back to you.
And then it kept lingering on you. Something in the vampire’s eyes had changed and it was beginning to startle you.
And well - usually by now he should have taken up the banter with you again. Could it be, he was actually worried? Like really, actually worried?
“Look”, you said and used some of the little power you had left in your body to push up to a position that was at least somewhat close to sitting up. Immediately you started to feel dizzy.
“I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all. We all are, aren’t we?”, you continued as you desperately tried to not let it be known how much your surroundings were spinning around you at the moment.
Quite obviously you were doing a terrible job at that because there was now open worry on Astarion’s face. Even the usual sharp edge of teasing in his voice had been dulled down by now: “And you want to take on Ketheric Thorm tomorrow? And all his thugs? Like this?”
You were definitely getting a little annoyed at him now. The others had gone dead silent. They must’ve been feeling too that this situation might be about to go sideways. You didn’t care.
And as much as you felt him tug on your heartstrings with the sad round puppy eyes he offered you now - did he have to make it so public? You were just not having it.
Using every last ounce of energy that you still had within you, you made to stand up. Astarion’s eyes widened some more and he cautiously stood up as well. His brows were furrowed now.
You gathered your legs beneath you with quite some effort. The world around you was really rushing past you now, but you were determined to bite through it. Then you pushed up to a standing position - straightening your back for extra effect and pointing a very passive-aggressive finger at your vampire.
“I’ll have you know tha-”, you began in a sassy tone.
But then no one would ever find out what you would have wanted to let them know. Because your vision blackened rapidly, closing in from the edges and you already felt the strange sensation of toppling over. Gravity inevitably pulling you back to the ground you had just stood up from.
The last thing you felt were arms that caught you under the armpits, with quite some effort. You heard strained groans and a hissed “idiot” very close to your ear. Then you passed out completely.
~~~
You woke up in dire confusion about where you were and how you’d gotten there. You lifted up your torso and blinked profusely to try and clear your vision. You also immediately reached for a dagger that would have usually been at your side. But you were also out of your armour it seemed. Oh, and laying on some pillows? A blanket draped over you?
You closed your eyes again and pressed the balls of your hands to your eyes. And you groaned as you felt a headache creep up on you now that you had woken up.
Since there seemed to be no imminent dangers around you sunk back onto the pillows. You realised that your shirt had been taken off as well. Pain thrummed through your skull.
Your hands dropped from your face, your vision cleared more and more and you realised that you were laying in someone else’s tent. And as you took a closer look at the ceiling of the tent, your brows furrowed. Because you very well knew which tent it was you were laying in. You’ve had your fair share of staring up at this very particular fabric from this very particular spot.
Your head popped up again from the pillows. And you found Astarion sitting at your feet, in his camp clothes. Legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles, arms folded over his chest and very much glowering at you. His red eyes were basically boring into you.
“Oh, are we awake again? Back from the land of the dead, hm? Rise and shine then, my love, since you seemed so eager to do so earlier!”, the vampire immediately went into a tirade.
“You’re not even going to give me a few more moments to just really wake up?”, you replied flatly. But you could already feel his words evoking shame within you. You rubbed one of your eyes once more, trying to look innocent.
The vampire kept fuming: “Were you planning on telling me how much the blood loss affected you again?”
“No.”
Astarion obviously could barely believe your audacity as well as your honesty by the way his eyes first widened and then narrowed even more at you. But he kept silent.
“Were you planning on stopping to take my offered blood?”, you posed in return when there was no further reaction coming from Astarion.
You regretted the words as soon as they had left your tongue. Knowing it was a cheap shot because this was still very much you insisting on being the one to take care of his needs. And also hiding the negative side effects.
You immediately felt the twinge of guilt as you saw how Astarion’s eyes couldn’t help but stray from yours as he registered your words. Your headache accordingly sent a bolt of pain through your skull, making you groan.
You closed your eyes in desperation for a second, trying to swallow down the thought that you had just put this guilt onto him. Blaming him for his basic needs of survival even if you hadn’t meant it like that at all.
As you compulsively tried to think of something to say, you heard the vampire speak again: “Well, as much as I enjoy you falling for me. Maybe you could try and… avoid it next time.”
Your throat closed up. Immediately, the double meaning very much wasn’t lost on you.
And not only did you instantly recognise the tone of him deflecting with something harsh and sarcastic but you could also almost see how his old and very much practised mask slipped back in its place.
You felt how the whole situation was slipping from your fingers. Desperate to do something about it, you got up from the still half-lying position you were in and crawled over to where the vampire was now looking at you with trained indifference.
Your chest ached, just having to look at it. Especially since you had only recently made such a leap with him finally allowing you in more. Astarion finally allowing for some of the carefully put up fortress walls to crumble under your soft touch.
Back, when his somewhat cautious confession had made you swear to yourself that you wouldn’t stop until all of the wretched, cascading layers of armour the vampire had put up around his core would have been disassembled.
Now you felt you might be responsible for some of those layers being put back into place. Even if it had just been a very short moment, a dumb slip of the tongue. You hoped it wasn’t too late yet to undo the damage.
You drew your arms around your lover - slowly, cautiously. Posing the question if you were still allowed to do that.
The vampire let it happen.
A tiny fraction of your tension eased at the thought that there might still be hope to rectify the delicate thing you had basically just stepped on. That he would allow you to make it right.
“I’m sorry, Astarion”, you whispered silently. Almost too quiet to form actual words. But the pale elf in your arms heard you anyway. He didn’t look up at you but he did sink into your arms a little more.
“I’m sorry for what I said and for how I acted. I didn’t mean to blame you for anything.”, you said again, this time more confidently.
There was no further acknowledgement of your apology other than the vampire slowly leaning his head against your naked chest. His soft hair brushed lightly over your bare skin. Even the lightest touches of him in your arms sent jolts through your entire body.
But the knot between you was not yet unravelled.
Fear threatened to close up your throat again as your mind raced, feverishly trying to think of a way to make him understand that it was just… he meant everything to you. That you’d rather crawl in the dirt yourself instead of having to watch him do it.
That you so desperately cared about him. Why couldn’t he see that?
And then another thought crossed your mind. Concerning the battle you would have to take on tomorrow.
What if this was the last chance you would ever get to convey this to him? The last shot at convincing him that he was very much loved and cared for and had a place in this world as long as you walked this planet.
Carefully you raised your hand to under Astarion’s chin and nudged softly to see if he would allow you to lift up his head to make him meet your gaze. Again, he let it happen.
The vampire’s eyes found yours. Instantly, something in his gaze changed as he must’ve seen something particular in them. You tenderly and cautiously cupped his cheek as your lips parted. But it still took another moment before you managed to find the words.
“Astarion, if tomorrow… would be the end. I-”, you broke off. Then took another breath before you continued.
“I would hate myself if this is how I left things. I wouldn’t want to have caused you to think that I was just brushing you off for caring for me. Or that I put any blame on you when I was being a reckless idiot. But I still would want you to understand that I just… I’m doing this because I want you to be safe and happy and careless and free and… with me, if you want that.”
Astarion’s eyes ever so slightly widened and opened up as you spoke. A nearly inaudible gasp left his throat.
After you had ended your little speech, the moment of the two of you looking into each other’s eyes just went on. But the mood had changed now. The way Astarion looked at you as you softly let your thumb wander over his cheekbone was no longer distant. He was still allowing you in, if cautiously so.
Your gaze dropped to his lips as your thumb kept wandering over the vampire’s delicate skin.
Then you leaned in just a little - letting him decide if he wanted to bridge the gap between you. And he did so without hesitation.
Astarion met your parted lips with his. You gladly accepted his open-mouthed kiss.
The rest of the words that yet remained unspoken between you were resolved this way. By kissing deeply and assuring the other of what you could not yet put into words.
The vampire’s hand grabbed onto your upper arm, fingertips lightly grazing your biceps. You let your hand wander from his cheek into his soft white curls, your fingertips softly tugging and teasing them.
And you were still doing that when you slowly withdrew from him - if only enough to speak.
“I was a dick, Astarion, I’m sorry.”
“Yes, you were. Now, I thought we had just established that. Don’t try and draw it out to make me sappy, Staeve darling, or I might actually take back what I said the other night”, Astarion replied with an edge of sarcasm entering his voice again.
But you knew that it was the good-humoured kind once more. The one he used when you two bickered like an old married couple.
“Don’t promise what you can’t keep”, you offered back with a smug grin. The vampire rolled his eyes at you. Your grin just grew.
“Come, just lie down with me, please”, you proposed to your vampire. Now that adrenaline and stress were slowly leaving your body you felt exhaustion creep up on you again. The headache you had completely forgotten to acknowledge somewhere in between also letting itself be known again.
Astarion immediately took you up on it and you laid down on the bedroll, snuggling up to each other until your limbs were fully tangled, bodies fully wrapped around each other. You gazed upon the vampire in your arms - how much his pale skin contrasted against yours.
You slowly felt how the tension left both your bodies, shoulders dropping, jaws unclenching. Revelling in relief and joy you closed your eyes and focused solely on how it felt to hold Astarion. Just silently laying there, enjoying this moment of peace.
Until you broke the silence once more because a random thought had just crossed your mind.
“Wait, who actually carried me all the way back to camp?”
Astarion scrambled to push himself up once more and gave you a glare. “Really? That’s what’s on your mind right now?”
You shrugged: “I guess.”
The vampire’s glare became even more intense. Then it snapped to mischievous glint really quickly. He let one of his hands drag through his hair dramatically and sensually and said: “Oh, darling, couldn’t you believe that I valiantly carried you here like the knight in shiny armour that I am?” You wouldn’t even have believed him being able to pull you here with your face dragging through the dirt.
“It was Halsin, wasn’t it?”
You received another death glare. Then Astarion just sighed in defeat and wrapped himself in your arms again.
“Yes it was. I was the one who undressed you though.”
“Of course you were”, you replied with a wolfish grin although Astarion couldn’t see it. The vampire groaned in annoyance
“Now, if you please, let me enjoy this moment in peace, you idiot.”
And so you did. Holding onto Astarion as he held onto you. Both silently smiling and not even that afraid anymore of what tomorrow might bring.
Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess
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ladykailitha · 25 days
Text
Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 5
Hey guys, back with this one! Again, I have a backlog to share with all so this should come out more regularly.
Just a reminder there isn't a set schedule anymore, just vibes. But if there is a story you want to see more often, let me know.
In this we have Steve's good luck charm, Gethin coming to Steve for help with the journalism schism, and Nancy and Steve finally having the talk they should have had from the beginning (she's not there 100% yet but it's better).
Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4
****
They went to nationals and lost. When Steve got back he joked that Eddie was his good luck charm.
“Get off, Stevie,” Eddie scoffed during lunch. “I am not.”
Gareth chuckled. “I don’t know, man. Steve’s luck has shot up since you guys became friends. He hasn’t been hit once!”
Steve glared at him. “Thanks, Gary.”
Gareth stuttered. “What the fuck is Gary?”
Everyone laughed.
“Don’t ever call me that again,” Gareth growled. “My name is Gareth.”
Steve tilted his head to the side. “But isn’t that where Gary comes from? A shortening of Gareth?”
“I don’t give a fuck, man,” he hissed. “If Gethin hears it, he’ll never let it go.”
Steve’s mouth formed an ‘O’ in understanding. It was like Dusty Buns. “That’s fair.”
“What’s fair?” Gethin asked from behind Eddie.
Jeff opened his mouth to answer but Gareth kicked him under the table.
“That my taking hits to the face have gone down since I started hanging out with Eddie,” Steve said with a smile.
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Stevie here seems to think that I’m his good luck charm.”
Gethin rubbed his chin. “I think Steve’s got something going with that.”
Eddie threw his arms in the air. “Not you too!”
Gethin started ticking off reasons on his fingers. “Billy has left him alone, he got a pretty major part in the school play, made it to nationals for swimming...need I go on?”
Eddie’s jaw dropped and he looked over at Steve in shock. “Holy shit. Maybe I am your good luck charm.”
Steve grinned. “Told you so.”
“Why are you here, Geth?” Gareth growled at his sibling. “Don’t you usually hang with the journalism crowd?”
Gethin grimaced. “There’s been a divide among us.”
Steve’s lip curled. “Let me guess, half you sided with Nancy over the swim team making it nationals and the other half thought she went too far?”
Gethin nodded. “Jonathan’s for too much, too far, but most of them think that jocks should be prosecuted more, not less.”
Eddie winced. He had espoused similar thoughts before befriending Steve.
But Steve just snorted. “Like she didn’t enjoy the benefits of dating one last year.”
The whole table erupted in stomping and pounding on the table.
“Ooh...” Jeff said. “Burn!”
Gethin grinned. “I’ll be sure to remind her of that fact. That last year she was all for sports when it pleased her. Thanks, Steve!”
Steve just shook his head.
Gethin skipped away from their table better armed against a furious Nancy.
Steve looked around to make sure that Jonathan and Nancy weren’t within hearing distance. Then he leaned forward.
“Who would be interested in a sequel comic to ‘The Boy With a Bat’?” he whispered conspiratorially.
Everyone else leaned in excitedly.
“What would this one be about?” Brian asked, his voice barely loud enough to be heard in the crowed cafeteria.
“Our hero helping out a bunch of kids in a junkyard fighting off dire wolves,” Steve whispered back in conspiratorial tone.
Steve had learned the term from Eddie. Apparently they were very big wolves. And that sounded to him like the right amount of ‘what the fuck’ the demodogs gave off.
“How did our hero get into that mess?” Eddie asked, his voice on the verge of cracking. He knew that these were things that Steve had gone through for real and that terrified him.
Steve let out a sigh. “By realizing that the kid with the high intelligence and the low wisdom would have gotten himself eaten if our hero hadn’t went along to protect him.”
Eddie’s mouth formed a silent ‘Oh.’ Yeah, there was no doubt that was Dustin. In the few times he had met the kid, he was always struck by how dumb he was despite being a literal fucking genius.
“That sounds so cool,” Gareth breathed. “I would love to read that, man.”
Jeff nodded. “Like you should serialize the whole thing and sell it, dude. You could make bank.”
Steve thought about the NDA that was sitting in a lockbox at the back of his closet and snorted. Those bastards would be on him faster than lightning.
“It’s just something fun to do while Mrs Click drones on and on about the Ottoman Empire,” he said with a shrug.
Eddie pointed at him and clapped. “Yes! Like how could one person take something so interesting and make it duller than dishwater.”
Steve smiled at him gratefully as the conversation shifted to horrible teachers. Eddie was still the only one outside of the “Party” that knew about the Upside Down.
He looked over at Nancy and found that she was glaring at him. He didn’t want to anger her further, so he got up and threw away his garbage. He stacked his tray up and bid the others goodbye.
If she wanted to speak to him, she would have to come to him.
****
Steve had to wait a couple of days, but Nancy did come to him.
It was one of those rare days where Steve didn’t have anything going on but the rest of the Hellfire Club crew did. So he was at his locker making sure that he had all his homework that he needed for the weekend after school.
He was alone for all intents and purposes.
“Steve,” Nancy said, “we need to talk.”
He slammed his locker shut and she winced. “Are you actually here to talk or are you here to excuse your bad behavior and get me to apologize even though I haven’t done anything wrong?”
She frowned at him. “I don’t do that.”
“Whatever, Nance,” Steve said, rolling his eyes and shouldering his backpack. “I don’t want to get into a screaming match right now.”
Nancy held out her hand to stop him. “Would you just wait?”
“Come on,” Steve said with a sigh. “We talk on the way out to my car.” At least if he needed to make a quick getaway, he’d be able to drive off.
He started walking toward the doors and she scrambled to catch up.
“I can’t believe you told Gethin to throw it back in my face that I used to date a jock,” she hissed.
Steve smiled at her smug. “Well you did, Nance. And as I recall, you flirted with me first.”
“Yeah, I did,” Nancy said, ducking her head. She let out deep sigh. “I just want to be a journalist. A real one. But the advisor for the newspaper only sees me as a girl so all I get are the fluff pieces like Homecoming Queen and King and sports like boys’ swimming because all the guys are uncomfortable with all the Speedos.”
Steve snorted. “Only you didn’t go after Ezra, or any of the other members of the team, you went after me. And you did it so hard that Jonathan who I’m pretty sure would hate my guts if I hadn’t saved his life, thought that you were being harsh.”
Nancy pursed her lips. She didn’t know why she went after Steve as hard as she did. She needed a target and Steve was right...there.
It had been so easy to lash out at him for Barb, the monsters, the frustration of not being taken seriously, for all of her problems. But she knew he didn’t deserve it.
“He told me that unless I fixed it,” she said softly, “that he would eat lunch and go home by himself.”
Steve laughed bitterly. “So you’re not even here because you think you need to apologize. You’re here because your boyfriend won’t put out until you do. Jesus Christ, Nancy. What even is this?”
He stopped in front of the doors. “I’m not your punching bag anymore. I’ve got friends now. Friends that really care about me, for me.”
Nancy sighed. “I’m not trying to start a fight.”
“Not this time,” Steve scoffed.
She winced, but nodded. “Yeah okay, I deserved that.” She lowered her voice and hissed, “It’s just really hard to fathom you liking men all of a sudden. We had sex, you got off. And now you’re with Eddie and gay and I just don’t know what to think anymore.”
Steve squeezed his eyes shut. He heaved a sigh and hauled her out to the parking lot where they were less likely to be heard.
“Fucking hell, Nance,” he huffed as they walked to his car. “You think I don’t realize how fucking messed up that is. I thought for a bit that maybe I liked both, because of what I felt for you. Because I did love you. I still do, for Christ’s sake.” He threw his arms in the air in frustration.
He tugged on his hair. “But the more I thought about us. Our relationship, I realized that I was just trying so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be.” He started waving his hands around as he tried to get his point across. “The perfect boy next door. But that isn’t me. I love theater and boys and not having to worry about who was fucking who and why. Because all that ‘King’ shit was exhausting as fuck.”
Nancy let out a low shuddering breath. “Okay. I’m sorry.” Steve scoffed. “No, I am. I mean it. You deserve to be happy and I don’t know why I’m still hung up on this.”
Steve raised an eyebrow. “Because you want me as your fall back in case shit goes down with Jonathan.”
“What?!” she squawked.
Suddenly everyone was staring at her because of her outburst. “That’s not true!” she whispered harshly, leaning forward.
“I’ve said it before and we both know it is, Nance,” Steve said, his face twisted in that same pained expression from when she couldn’t tell him she ever loved him. “You broke up with me right after our first go round with the monsters and then not even a full month later you were back with me. What happened, huh? Did Jonathan turn you down the first time and that’s why you came running back?”
Nancy crossed her arms and looked away.
Steve huffed out a bitter laugh. “That’s it, isn’t it? You couldn’t even tell me you loved me at all after our fight at Tina’s Halloween party. You’re standing there getting mad it me for not loving you, but you’re the same. You’re exactly the same.”
She let out a shuddering sigh. “You’re right, Steve. You’re right about all of it. I’m sorry.”
“That’s all I wanted from you,” he said, “an actual honest apology. Thank you.” Steve let out his own breath that he had been holding.
Nancy bit her bottom lip and looked up at him through her lashes. “Can we still be friends?” Her voice wobbled and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.
Steve pulled her into a hug and she wrapped her arms around him tightly.
“Yeah,” he breathed. “Of course we can.”
Steve looked up and saw Jonathan watching them. He let go of Nancy and held her at arms length. “You are a great person, Nancy Wheeler, but you’ve got think past your own needs, okay?”
She nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Good,” he said gently. “Now go. Jonathan is waiting for you.”
She looked over her shoulder and nodded. “Thanks, Steve.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Steve watched as she walked away, he could feel a part of his wounded heart heal, just a little.
It wasn’t enough. It might not ever be enough. But it was a start. He just wished it didn’t feel like a fucking Chutes and Ladders game.
****
Part 6 Part 7
In order for Nancy to be a better person, she has to fight against her nature. Something that won't come easy.
Tag List:
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@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie
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familyvideostevie · 5 months
Text
living high until that fatal day
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a/n: i never do this. literally, never. when i'm not here i'm writing stuff that's not x reader for ao3 and this is a fic i posted over there. it's a time loop story about joel and ellie. @bageldaddy told me i had to post it here. without her this fic would not exist. thank you so much, bea. so, here we go. if you read it, thank you. let me know what you think. joel miller & ellie williams gen fic. 7.5k words warnings: Time Loop, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, kind of???, it resolves, Suicide, only in one of the loops!, Canon-Typical Violence, joel gets stuck and has to figure it out, Father-Daughter Relationship, thoughts about sacrifice and love, POV Joel, mostly, this one is kind of intense folks, major character death tag is cause well the loop ends one way or another, gonna diverge at the end, but it ends well!!! i promise, also this is pretty firmly game but hbo folks should be okay!
summary: joel finds himself stuck in a time loop of that day in salt lake city.
Joel lies to her. 
He's got dried blood under his fingernails and his shoulder aches from the kick of the rifle and he's so, so tired. 
But he lies to her. 
If he was a smarter man he'd have thought of something better. Told her that the hospital got raided or they had a FEDRA mole, how the whole thing was a sham from the start. He doesn't know if she was awake for any of it. If the last thing she remembers is him reaching for her and failing to save her. If she remembers what it feels like to drown. 
It's hard to look at her in the mirror but he manages. Just keep driving, hands tight on the wheel. Don't white knuckle, don't spook her. She's in the car. She's safe. He did it. 
"We found the Fireflies," he says. She doesn't look at him. "Turns out there's a...a whole lot more like you, Ellie. People that're immune. It's dozens, actually." 
There's a strange pull in his gut, a pull that he's felt a few times before in the moments before everything went south. When the soldier pointed his gun by the river, when Tess looked at him on her last day, when he fell off the ledge in Colorado. But he ignores it. 
"Ain't done a damn bit of good, either. They've actually st--" Ellie closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. She doesn't look at him. "They've stopped looking for a cure. I'm takin' us home. I'm sorry."
She turns her back to him and the pull becomes a burn, becomes a black hole under his ribcage taking everything with him. He blinks once, twice, wonders if he got shot and didn't notice, if he cracked a rib and it punctured his lung, if --
The road in front of him disappears. 
He can't see a damn thing -- not like the lights went out, like there is nothing to see. There is nothing in front of him at all.
Then, Joel wakes up yesterday. 
___ 
He jolts awake with a strangled yell. Ellie kneels over him, the rifle he taught her to hold slung over her shoulder. It's just past dawn based on the color of the sky and how he can make out most of her face, her withdrawing hand and her unimpressed but slightly concerned frown. 
"You were talking again," Ellie says. "Nightmares?" 
Joel tears his eyes from her and thunks his head back down on his crumpled up jacket. The trees stretch high above him and he tries to get it together so he doesn't spook her. 
They’re camped within sight of the highway. Salt Lake City has been looming for days now and Joel doesn't want to take any chances. The ring-road is almost clear, dotted here and there with cars and a fair amount of supplies, enough that Joel suspects people haven't been here for some time. If this is another Colorado State situation, he's going to have to put Ellie in a car and take them back to Jackson before she does something stupid.
She's fine. Well, no, not quite. Things aren't the same and they never will be but he can tell she's doing her best and he won't ask more than that. Their pace has slowed this week and he's having a hard time figuring out if she's sliding back into some sort of post-Colorado haze or if she's nervous about actually arriving in Salt Lake. 
God knows he's nervous as hell.
But every day she'll walk as far as he tells her to and won't complain. He knows she wants to get there. They have to get there and it has to work -- because he doesn't know what they're going to do otherwise. 
She asked him a question. Nightmares. Joel sits up and drags his hand down his face.
"Somethin' like that."
Ellie shrugs and starts to clean up their camp now that he's awake. He still hates letting her take watch, but she needs to feel in control of things, so they split it most nights. She hums a little bit as she works and he has hopes that today might be a good day.
But that dream... It comes back in flashes: the giraffes, the tunnel. Ellie hanging from the side of the bus because she jumped to save him, her small frame sinking slowly, just out of reach. The crack of her ribs underneath his hands. The hospital. The Fireflies.
Joel gets up, rolls his shoulder at a phantom pain and looks down at his hands. Crusted with dirt and nothing more. 
Jesus Christ. He's losing it. 
They set off. 
The blue hospital sign seems to shine in the spring sun all too soon.
"This is where we get off. Let's go, kiddo."
Joel talks even though he knows she's not listening. He talks to take his mind off of the echo that sits at the base of his neck with every step. Has he told her he'll teach her guitar before? He's been thinking it for months. 
Ellie trails behind him, kicking rocks and half-heartedly searching cars when he asks her to. She heads for a faded blue sedan but he stops her. 
"Blue one won't open, don't bother." 
The look she gives him makes him think about what he just said. "How do you know that?"
He blinks. How does he know that? Before he can explain it, Ellie shrugs and keeps walking. 
The disinterest is new and it doesn't sit well with him. She's been through a lot, more than any kid deserves, and they're almost there. He figures it's worse today because of that. 
"I dreamt about flying the other night."
Joel's stomach twists. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Go on, tell me about it."
She tells him about her dream, about how it felt to fly and then fall, and he is dizzy with deja vu. 
"I've never been on a plane." Ellie looks at him like he can tell her what it means. Like he has any damn answers at all. "Isn't that weird?"
Joel hums and swallows the lump in his throat. The bus terminal. Ellie, drowning. Firefly after Firefly in his path. His hands flex around a gun that isn't there. 
"Well, you know. Dreams are weird." It tastes like a lie in his mouth but he can't figure out why. 
It gets worse when they find the bus station, when she runs off in search of something that's got her smiling. Her small hand reaches for the giraffe, her eyes bright, but Joel feels like he's watching it through a fog. He knows what she's going to say before she says it. 
"So fucking cool."
Joel has seen a lot of weird shit in his life but whatever is happening here is leagues above the rest. It bumps up against something in his brain, like the answer is just out of reach but he can't fucking get there. Always a step behind when it counts. 
Ellie hands him a picture of his dead daughter and something in him comes dangerously close to snapping. Instead of gratitude or sorrow or anything that would make sense, he's terrified. 
He's fucking terrified because this happened. Which means he knows what comes next. 
But there's no time to worry about it. They pick their way through the tunnel, through the runners and the clickers and the fucking bloaters. The pressure on his neck gets heavier, gets almost unbearable. He's strung tighter than he's been in years, like the walls are closing in on him and there's a timer he can't see. 
When they get to the rapids, he waits for Ellie to get to the other side of the bus until he jumps on it but it dislodges. The dam in his head breaks and he yells, screams at her to run, to leave him, but she jumps on the bus anyway. 
She drowns.
Joel doesn't doubt that the Fireflies are coming -- he hears them --  but he doesn't take his eyes off of her, doesn't stop the chest compressions until he's knocked out.
The rest of it is a blur, his sense of reality already warped by his need to get to the operating room. To save her. 
Joel picks them off one by one, floor by floor, hardly taking note of how familiar it all feels. He doesn't even give the surgeon a chance to speak before he's dead, a bullet between the eyes. He knows they'll make it to the elevator. He kills Marlene. He drives them away.
He lies. 
He wakes up yesterday again.
___
It takes a few days before Joel purposely deviates from what he's thinking of as the script. His head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds when he wakes in the clearing, Ellie's eyes on him.
He thinks about it as they pack up camp. Can he get them out of here? Would that be allowed? The rules of this aren't clear to him but he figures it can't hurt to try. They could turn around right now and make it back to Jackson in a week or so. 
He watches Ellie carefully arrange her things in her bag, watches her stop to admire a butterfly in the branches above. He watches her and tries to see her alive and not pale on an operating table. 
"Ellie," he says. "I got a bad feelin' about this."
She loves to tell him he's overreacting but today she crosses her arms and sits back on her heels. "What do you mean?"
Her scream as she falls into the water. Her ribs cracking beneath his hands. The piercing alarm in the hospital, her body warm but limp in his arms.
"What if we waited?" She frowns but he keeps going. "Went back to Jackson, rested up. Took a break. Come back in a few months with a bit of a crew. Tommy'll give us some guys, hell, I bet he'll come with if you want --"
"No," Ellie says sharply. There's an edge to her voice he hasn't heard in a long time. "Joel, shut up."
"Ellie --"
She stands abruptly, takes a few steps back. "I said no."  The look on her face tells Joel he's already lost. "Are you -- are you fucking kidding me? You want to go back? Now?"
He sighs. "Just to rest up. We don't know what we're walking into --"
Ellie throws her hands around in disbelief. Her eyes look wet. Christ, he's made her cry again. He promised himself he wouldn't do that. 
"We don't know if they'll still be there."
"We don't know if they are there."
"And we won't find out if we fucking run away like cowards!"
Joel stands. "I don't want another Colorado State situation, Ellie --" Her face shutters. Mistake. 
"Don't bring up Colorado," she growls. "You don't know what that was like." 
Damn right he doesn't. He knows by now what happened but he'll never know how hard it was for her to survive when he was busy dying on that mattress. But he has to try something or they'll just end up here again tomorrow. Yesterday. Whatever. 
The idea of her suffering makes his hackles rise, makes his blood run cold
"Can I finish a god damned sentence?" he snaps. Ellie is undeterred and snaps back.
"Not if it's going to be about leaving. We-- I -- we're not fucking leaving. Not after everything. We can't."
Joel sighs and drags a hand down his face. This girl. He's trying to save her and she can't see it. There's no way to make her see it and it's his fault. She should know by now that he'd do anything, anything, for her. He lost that battle a long time ago, probably longer ago than he'd like to admit. 
"I know," he tells her. "Just...if you want to give it all up, to go back, we can. We don't have to go through with this."
Ellie's eyes are blazing and her tone is disappointed. It cuts deep. "Yes we do. I thought you'd understand that, Joel."
He follows her this time as she stalks down the highway towards the hospital. No mention of six strings, no dreams about planes. They catch the giraffes but she doesn't stick around to watch them for as long. It's a different kind of loss to be without her smile, her laughter. Joel wishes he'd never opened his god damned mouth. 
"I'm sorry," he says. "For earlier." Ellie pauses on the stairs and half turns to look up at him. "I know it's important to you."
She sighs. "I know you mean well." Joel closes his eyes. He knows what comes next. "But there's no halfway with this. Once we're done, we'll go wherever you want, okay?"
He plays his part for the rest of the day, just to get it over with. 
___
Next time, Joel waits until they're watching the giraffes to try something different. 
"So," he says. "This everything you were hoping for?"
Ellie gives him her half-smile. "It's got its ups and downs, but...you can't deny that view, though."
He seizes his chance. "Wanna go down there?" 
She perks up. "Really? Do you think they'll let us get close?"
"They might. Let's try." 
They manage to backtrack a little bit and end up on the field. It smells like a zoo but Ellie is thrilled to be so close so they post up on the roof of a rusty FEDRA Jeep. Two of the giraffes end up eating out of the tree right above them. Ellie holds her breath. 
"They just...don't care, do they?" she whispers. "How long do you think they've been here?"
She leans into his side and cranes her neck to watch one of them use its tongue. 
"Don't know," he says. "Big ones could've been from before. But the tiny one s'probably younger than you."
"So cool," she says again. "They're from a zoo, right? I wonder if anything else lives in the city."
They've been sitting here long enough that the sun has started to set. Joel allows himself to hope. 
"Might be. What do you say we spend the night here and look on the way to the hospital tomorrow? Daylight'll do us better."
Ellie chews on his suggestion. "I guess," she says. "Are we safe here?"
"Should be." Joel has no idea, frankly. He sure as hell wants them to wake up here in the morning. He wants to make good on this idea, wants to show her something else that'll make her smile. He wants this to be a bizarre, unexplainable day that he'll forget about with time.
"I'll keep watch."
They set up camp crowded against the fence so Joel can see the whole field. The giraffes leave them alone and Ellie falls asleep quickly after they eat.
In the quiet open air the dread in his gut returns full-force and he knows he's wrong. Again.
A branch cracks and he whirls around, rifle in hand to find three men pointing their guns at him through the wire. They might be wearing Firefly jackets but he can't tell. He doesn't care. Joel dares to look at Ellie for a second and sees she's still asleep. 
It's a mistake.
One of them follows his gaze and his eyes widen.
"Holy shit," he whispers. "She looks like who Marlene said --"
"Shut up," the second one hisses. "On the ground, old man."
"How are you gonna get around that fence, hotshot?" he says. "Ellie. Ellie, wake up."
She blinks a few times and sees his stance. scrambling to her feet with her knife in hand.
"Holy shit. What the fuck?"
"Get behind me."
One of the soldiers points his gun at her. 
"Don't move."
It's chaos after that. The guys shout at each other. 
"Don't point it at her! Don't you remember the fucking briefing?"
"You hadn't even joined when we got here, you don't know. We've been looking for her for months --"
"If you shoot her we're all dead --"
Joel locks eyes with Ellie.
"When I say run, you run. Okay?" 
The fear in her eyes turns to determination. Brave girl, he thinks. I'm sorry. He waits for the idiot pointing at her to look away and takes a deep breath. What's one more day?
"Run!"
Joel doesn't check to see if she obeys before firing through the fence. The rifle is incredibly powerful at such a short range and where there was once a head there's only mist. Joel clears the chamber as fast as he can and gets the second one in the shoulder but he's not fast enough for a third and before he realizes it he's on his back in the grass. 
The Firefly's assault rifle litters Joel's chest with bullets but he doesn't feel it until he tries to take a breath and nothing comes. It's like he's underwater.
At least he didn't make her cry this time.
__
Joel isn't much of a believer in anything but he decides fairly quickly that he's in Hell or something close. God knows he deserves it. 
His sins are countless, his ledger dripping with red just like his hands. They will never be clean. What he can't figure out is how he got here. Did he die somewhere in St. Mary's? Is the real world somewhere else beyond his reach, now? If he died then what happened to Ellie?
He tries to make tallies in the bark of a tree on the edge of camp but they disappear every time he wakes up. He makes do with his own slowly unspooling brain. Two, five, ten.
Ellie is much the same every time but somewhere around day twenty she asks him about it. "How do you know where everything is?"
They're in the bus depot before the tunnel. He's taking them quickly around the tents, putting off Ellie handing him a photo of his dead daughter. It's muscle memory at this point. A pair of pliers here, some rags there. A half-empty but uncracked bottle of hooch behind that blood-stained bed, some bullets under that overturned partition. 
"Just payin' attention."
"I pay attention!"
Joel uses the excuse to grin at her. It's hard sometimes to remember that she has no idea what's coming, that he can and should be good to her every chance he gets. The violence has already started to blur together in his mind. Killing everyone in the hospital is by far the easiest part of this fucking loop. These parts are harder. 
"Didn't say you don't."
"I feel like that was a double negative."
She's still energized from the giraffes and he knows she's working up the courage to talk about Sarah, but right now he wants to spend time with her. He spots the Firefly medal tangled in the shattered floodlight and points it out. 
"Ellie," he says. She's at his side in seconds, looking up at him with eyes brighter than he's seen in weeks. "Wanna get that down?"
She gives him her classic why are you like this look. "Are you going to be weird and pick it up?"
Joel shrugs and leans on the rotting tank nearby. "Just want to check your aim."
"My aim is really fucking good and you know it!" Even so, she picks up a brick from her feet and palms it, eyeing the silver circle before winding her arm back and hurling the brick towards it. 
She misses. Maybe three hundred miles and a trail of dead bodies ago she'd have stormed off, embarrassed and pissed. But she just makes a face at the still-swinging medal and then looks at him. "How did I miss that?"
He pushes off the tank and scoops up a glass bottle. "Sun s'probably in your eyes." Joel stands next to her and eyes the target, trying to compensate in his mind for her height. "Stand here." Ellie moves over in front of him and he hovers his arm over her. "Can I?"
She nods. Joel presses the bottle into her hand and she takes it as he maneuvers her with a hand on her elbow until she's got the trajectory he thinks will work. 
"Now?" she asks. "Feels pretty fucking similar to what I was doing."
"Just trust me. Throw a little lighter than last time. And higher."
Ellie sighs, but once he steps back she does as he says and nails the medal hard enough that it drops to the ground. She whoops and turns around, hands high in the air and a wide smile on her face. Joel tries to breathe through how easily she puts her faith in him. 
"Fuck yeah! Did you see that?" She holds both hands out for a high five and he obliges. 
"Sure did. Nice job, kiddo."
When Ellie hands him the picture of Sarah, he pulls her in for a hug. He half expects her to shove him off but instead she allows it, twisting her hands in his shirt as he cups the back of her head. 
"Thank you," Joel says quietly, thickly. 
Later, when he finds her on the operating table, he presses his lips to her forehead for an extra moment before picking her up and heading for the elevator. 
__
He messes with the order of things a little bit. Tries to make their morning last longer, tries to stay watching the giraffes for an hour or so. 
Sometimes it works. 
Sometimes it doesn't. 
Watching Ellie drown over and over fucks with his head more than the hospital does because he can't stop it. At least while he's leaving behind corpse after corpse he knows that she's asleep upstairs, waiting for him. In the tunnel, he knows that the only way out is through, but she has to fucking drown first. 
He gets sloppy. 
He forgets about the runners in the side rooms when he ducks in to avoid a clicker and takes a step too close. Ellie is behind him as always and he shoves her back blindly as three runners slam him against the metal railing of the stairs before he can reach for his gun. He's too surprised to feel anything, but their breath smells like rotting meat and something worse, something that makes his eyes water. 
Joel searches the room for her and finds her -- pale-faced and terrified, already reaching for her knife. He tries to say her name but it comes out as a scream when one of the runners goes for his shoulder, jagged teeth ripping through his shirt in an instant. 
"Ellie -- run, Ellie -- GO --" He begs her to leave him but his voice stops working as his throat is ripped out. The last thing he sees is her horrified face as she raises her pistol.
And then he wakes up yesterday. 
___
It occurs to him on day 30 -- if he's keeping track accurately -- that he's got one of the smartest people he knows at his disposal. Kid's got an encyclopedic knowledge of space as well as science fiction stories. He asks her while they're still on the highway, stalling though he can see the blue H sign from here.
"Y'ever read stuff about time?" No reply. "Ellie?" She's staring at that deer again. "Ellie."
"What?" 
"You read any stories about time back in school?"
"Uh, sure," she says. She tugs her sleeves over her hands and catches up to him, eyes on the ground. "Why?"
"Saw a weird movie 'bout it once. Somethin' reminded me of it this mornin'. Guy gets stuck in a...shit, what did they call it?" Joel peeks inside an RV and smells rot so he leaves it be. "He lives the same day over and over."
"A time loop!" Ellie sounds more excited about this than anything they've talked about for days. "Those are so fucking cool. Scary, though. I feel like I'd go crazy."
Joel drags a hand down his face. "Yeah," he says. "How do you think you get outta one?"
"Well, how did the guy in the movie do it?"
"He stopped bein' an asshole," he says. Ellie laughs. 
"Well, we know that's not possible for you. Guess you're fucked."
"Guess so," he mutters. 
The H sign is close enough that she'll see it any minute. He wishes for the hundredth time that they could just stay out here all day, just talking. If he had a guitar he'd play for her. If he had a fucking car he'd put her in it and turn around, even though it wouldn't do any good. They'd just end up right back here because he can't fucking figure out how to get out of this. 
"I think you just have to change, right?" Ellie says. She's looking at the photo of an airplane on the bus. This time she doesn't tell him about her dream. Is he losing pieces of her, already? "I guess it doesn't have to be about yourself. Maybe something you do, or something you say. It's the universe telling you to make a different choice, right?"
That's the fucking thing. The choice isn't an option. It's not even a choice. 
The one thing he hasn't tried and will not try is leaving the hospital when Marlene tells him to. He'd rather die a thousand times, rather live this shit show over and over for the rest of eternity than let them cut her brain out. They will not touch her while there is still breath in his body. 
He'd do it all over again. He will.
__
Joel tries a hundred things and they don't work. 
After his conversation with Ellie he decides to really fuck with the day. Doesn't matter, right? So long as she's not put in any extra danger he considers it. He begs her to walk away, get on his knees and pleads with her throughout the day. Doesn't work. She just gets pissed at him like that first time and he doesn't push it because he can't bear to see her cry. He lengthens their morning in the clearing, fakes sick or says the rifle is jammed and needs cleaning. That goes south, too, when a pack of runners wanders through the woods and straight into them. They make it to the highway and have to miss the giraffes because they're running. 
One time Joel spends all day zig-zagging them around the city to avoid the tunnel. The Fireflies find them much the same way except they shoot him on sight and grab Ellie right out of his arms as he bleeds out on the cracked asphalt, her screams echoing in his ears. 
Another time, he ties them together in the tunnel with some fraying rope and they both drown. 
Killing Marlene early gets him a bullet in the head and not killing her at all gets him back where he started, no change. 
Joel even begs the doctor to run more tests first, to try blood, to try anything, but it takes too long and the alarm sounds and he's cornered in the operating room before he can grab Ellie and go. 
Nothing fucking works. 
But what is there left to change?
__
His mind starts to fray. He loses count of the loops and it becomes hard to detach himself from the slaughter. Not even the good moments -- Ellie's laughter, the awe in her face when she sees the giraffes, her jokes and her muted but still sharp sarcasm -- keep him afloat. He's lost, adrift in a sea of blood and bullets and it starts to eat away any humanity that was left in him. 
The blood of hundreds, thousands maybe, is on his hands and he feels nothing.
Once and only once does he get there too late. Everything else goes like it always does but maybe he took too long on the first floor, maybe he took too long picking the guys one by one instead of using the assault rifle, maybe maybe maybe. 
When Joel gets to the pediatric ward he knows something is different -- he can hear a buzzing sound, something loud and unnatural. The stale air is thick with something metallic, tinged with death. The buzzing stops and he finds his feet glued to the floor outside the operating room. Voices on the other side of it, murmuring and the clink of metal on a tray. Joel's hand shakes when he reaches for the knob because he knows whatever he finds on the other side is going to kill him. 
But he opens it because he has to. The doctor is at the sink this time, the nurses nowhere to be found. Ellie's body is covered in a sheet, blood seeping through the fabric. Joel looks away. He just stands there, his heartbeat loud in his ears as the world ends. 
The first time his daughter died, Joel thought he could will it not to be so. He held her as long as he could, whispered her name with her blood drying on his hands until Tommy begged him to get moving. 
This time, he knows it's true and he knows there's only one ending. 
He raises his gun at the doctor who is now leaning on the edge of the sink. The door swings open and the nurses return, eyes wide and vibrating with the energy of a job well done. He swings over to them and kills them both with quick headshots. The doctor has barely turned around when he's dead, too.
Joel breathes, ears ringing. He manages one step closer to the operating table but his knees buckle and he goes down hard on the cool tile. His vision is blurry. Is he crying?
"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby." He angles himself so he won't get any blood on her and then presses the barrel of his gun to his temple and pulls the trigger. 
__
If Joel was on the edge of losing his mind before, now he's laser focused. He doesn't pull any more shit. He settles back into the loop, savoring Ellie's laughter with the giraffe and gunning down every sorry motherfucker in his way at the hospital. He will not get there late ever again. 
So when Marlene says something different the next time around and he almost misses it.
Ellie is dead weight in his arms but she's warm and he can see the rise and fall of her chest. The hospital was messier than usual because he rushed this time, cutting down the Fireflies like it was his last stand. There's blood in his hair and crusted under his fingernails and his shirt is beyond ruined. 
"Are you going to tell her what happened here?" Marlene presses her hand into her side, blood leaking from around her crimson palm. "Are you going to tell her what you did?"
He lies to her.
Every time.
It's never occurred to him to try something else. Even though he's changed almost everything about this damn day except that. 
Because Joel knows what happens if he tells the truth. He knows what that will cost him.
And he doesn't know if he'll survive it.
He's afraid. Joel doesn't want to lose her and if that makes him selfish then so be it. He wants to take her back to Jackson and give her a bedroom of her own and as many stupid comics as she wants and three meals a day for the rest of her long, peaceful life. He wants her to grow up and grow old. 
He'd kill a thousand more Fireflies to make it happen.
He'd damn the whole world. 
Because he loves her and it fucking hurts. 
This girl and her puns and her comics and her god damned bravery and her bleeding heart. He doesn't want to lose her. 
But is this, whatever this endless hell is, is it fair to her? 
If it's breakable, if he has the ability to get them to tomorrow, to get them to Jackson, to get them home, shouldn't he? If he loves her shouldn't he give her a life even if he's not in it?
Joel gently arranges Ellie in the backseat and shoots Marlene in the head. 
__
For a few seconds Ellie thinks she's in the car on the way into Pittsburgh. The hum of the old engine, the rocking motion of the truck. But -- wait. She's lying down. The car smells...musty. And she's cold like she's wearing a dress and --
"What the hell am I wearing?"
She flutters her eyes open. Different truck. Backseat. Is she in a...hospital gown? What the fuck? Where is she?
"Just take it easy," Joel says. Okay, so she's with Joel. Something in her chest settles. She must be safe. "Drugs are still wearin' off."
Drugs? Ellie pushes back into her memory and tries to find something, anything that'll give her a clue as to what's going on here. They were in the bus tunnel. The water was rushing, Joel jumped on the bus and it started moving and she...fell into the water? 
It's a blur after that. More of a blank, really. Did they get to the hospital? Did they find the Fireflies? Based on her weird fucking outfit it sure seems like it.
"What happened?"
Joel's eyes flick up in the rearview mirror to look at her. "Let's get you into some clothes, first. Then we'll take a break and I'll tell you everythin'."
He sounds tired. More tired than he's ever sounded, frankly, but she can't imagine why. And he can't seem to stop looking at her like she's going to disappear. Like he hasn't seen her in ages. 
"Okay," she says slowly. "Where the hell are we going to get those?" 
"Your bag is on the floor by your feet." Joel veers off the highway down an exit ramp and Ellie sits up. Her head feels light for a second and then really heavy so she braces her hands on the seat in front of her and takes a few deep breaths. "You okay, kiddo?"
"Yeah. Fucking...drugs, I guess. What'd they do that for?"
"They ran some tests. We'll talk about it."
Normally she'd push him but something feels off. Ellie tries to get a good look at his face but she can't, not from this angle, and not with her head fucking pounding like it is. She's missing so much time. It makes her skin crawl, makes her heart race. Joel is here, she tells herself. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. 
He parks them at the edge of a cemetery and gets out of the car to stand guard while she changes out of the gown. Her last pair of jeans, apparently, and a grey t-shirt with a few holes in the collar. She wishes she had a sweatshirt or something to wrap around herself, to pull over her hands and feel covered. But beggars can't be choosers. At least someone put her shoes in her backpack. 
Joel doesn't turn around when she opens the door but she sees him stiffen. 
"I'm done." He looks back at her and she finally sees his face. "Jesus Christ, Joel, what happened to you?"
It's not just the blood. Sure, he's got dried streaks of it on his neck and in his hair. Ellie glances at his hands and sees it crusted under his fingernails, too. But he looks wrecked. Older, somehow. He looks like something terrible happened, the way she remembers his face when he fell from the balcony in Colorado, when he found her in the burning restaurant. But somehow it's worse. 
He's looking at her like he can't believe she's real. 
"Alright." Joel lowers the rifle and ignores her question, clearly. "Didn't see anythin'. Should be fine to sit here for a bit."
"Are you going to tell me what the fuck happened?"
He moves like he's going to drag a hand down his face but thinks better of it. "Yeah," he says. "I am." 
Ellie swings her legs so they're hanging out the door. Joel leans the rifle against the truck and crosses his arms. "You're making me kind of nervous, man."
"Just...promise me you'll hear me out to the end."
Yeah, something is going on. She doesn't like it. 
"Uh, sure."
"What do you remember?" 
Good fucking question. "The tunnel. The bus and -- water. I fell in, right?"
Joel nods, clears his throat. "Jumpin' on the bus was dumb. Don't do that again." 
She snorts. "Yeah, okay. Point taken. But I was afraid you were going to drown!"
"You did." He delivers the news in a flat tone she doesn't like. She drowned?
"Are you serious?"
"I got us out of the water and tried to get you breathin' again." Ellie realizes her chest is sore. She imagines Joel doing compressions like they showered her in school, imagines his panicked face, his hoarse voice calling her name. Fuck.
"Did it work?"
"No," he says. "Fireflies found us first and knocked me out." 
"That doesn't make sense." She frowns. "They knocked you out?"
Joel shrugs. "Just tellin' you what happened."
This isn't how she imagined it would go. She never told Joel, but for weeks she's been thinking about waltzing up to the hospital and telling them who she is. She pictured Joel telling her jokes while she got her blood drawn, pictured him staring down nurses and doctors while they made the cure. She figured it would take a few days, maybe a week, and then they'd be on their way back to Jackson. She had hoped Marlene might be there, too. She has so many questions about her mom. 
"What did they do with me?"
Joel looks troubled. "I...don't exactly know. It was a while before I saw you again."
It makes her skin crawl. He must be able to tell because he keeps talking. "I'm sure they just ran some tests while you were out. They brought you back, made sure you were breathin' okay."
"Tests?"
"I'm gettin' there." She feels like he's having a hard time looking at her. Something close to but not quiet dread sits heavy in her stomach. What happened?
"Joel..."
"I woke up inside the hospital. Marlene was there. Told me they didn't know it was us, that they'd been waiting." He pauses, drags a hand down his face. "You didn't wake up or nothin'? You sure?"
Ellie shakes her head. She doesn't remember anything after the tunnel. 
"Well, she told me they could do it. They had a doctor who could make the cure."
The air rushes out of Ellie all at once. "Are you fucking serious?"
"And then she said..." Joel chews on his words and looks away from her. He looks angry. 
"What did she say?"
"Makin' a vaccine...would've killed you."
The bottom drops out of Ellie's world. It's like a hundred doors in her brain open at once. 
It would have killed her? Are they sure? Did they do enough tests? Were they going to? Why didn't they wake her up? Were they going to ask her? How did they get out?
She swallows them all and manages just one in a broken whisper. "What did you do?"
Joel looks right at her. "I stopped them."
If Ellie wasn’t already sitting down she thinks her legs would give out. She knows that Joel meant what he said to her in Silver Lake. Knows that he'd do anything for her.
But this?
"What do you mean?" He shakes his head. "Joel. What do you mean, you stopped them?"
His shoulders slump. "They told me to leave and I refused. And I made sure no one can follow us to try again."
Static builds in her ears. She can read between the lines. She speaks Joel now. He killed them all, that much is clear to her. He killed them all, Marlene, too, probably, because she was supposed to die to save the world. Hot tears sting her nose and gather at the corner of her eyes. 
"But I -- but we -- I was supposed to...I'm the cure!"
"You're a person. You're a kid. Don't matter what's in your brain, you ain't dyin' for --"
Ellie pushes out of the truck and to her feet. Joel steps back to give her room but she knows he probably wants to touch her, to reassure her. The anger fills her, makes her face hot and her heart race. 
"Who said you get to make that choice? If they said I had to die maybe I should have? Then it would mean something --"
"Your immunity ain't the thing that matters most. You are. So I picked you," Joel yells.
She's really crying now, huge heaving sobs that make it hard to talk, make it hard to convey how angry she is. "Well, you picked wrong, asshole."
"I ain't gonna apologize for it. I'd do it all over again, the exact same way. Every time." Joel's expression is as serious as it gets. He used to look this way all the time. No nonsense, no room for argument. 
She tries to find the words anyway but they don't come.
"Now, you've got some options here," he says. "I think the best one is for us to go back to Jackson. I know Tommy'll take you in, and --
She laughs, or tries to. 
It sounds like something bitter and awful to her own ears. First he tells her she was supposed to die today and now he wants to leave her?
"Are you fucking serious, Joel? You want to leave me again?" 
Joel's brows pinch together. He looks pained. Good. It feels like her chest is caving in, like her lungs aren't working right anymore. This must be what it felt like to drown in the bus terminal, to sink slowly, to fade away entirely. She read once that drowning was supposed to be peaceful. This hurts. 
"I want you to be safe," he says. "Jackson is the best place for that. I don't have to be there if you don't want me there --"
"I didn't fucking say that!" she yells. "I -- Jesus, give me a fucking second, okay?"
He stands by the door as she paces back and forth, tugging her hands through her hair. 
She was supposed to die. But she didn't. There's no cure. And it sure fucking sounds like Joel didn't leave any option to try again. 
He traded saving the world for her. 
It's too much.
"What do you want, Ellie?" Joel sounds like he's been awake for days. Like he's in pain, like he's being hollowed out. He sounds like how she feels. 
She digs the heels of her hands into her eyes. 
"I want none of this to have happened! I want us to go back to this morning and I want us to not have gone into the bus tunnel and I want you to have asked for tests first, I want them to try something else. I want Marlene to tell me why they didn't wake me up. I want to do it again but differently, I want things to be different, I --"
Her words break off into a sob. "Ellie..." She opens her eyes and finds him reaching for her. His shirt is stained with dried blood but she steps into his hold and his arm wraps around her. 
"I don't know what to do, now," she whispers.
Joel exhales a shaky breath. "I know you wish things were different. I wish things were different. But they ain't."
They stand there, his hand dragging up and down her back. She listens to his heartbeat and remembers those nights in the basement when she thought it would stop any minute. 
"Fuck," she whispers, then pulls away. He lets her go. "Fuck, Joel."
He sighs. "Yeah, kiddo. Fuck."
He told her the truth and that means something. It hurts, it hurts so bad, and it doesn't absolve him of anything, but that matters. 
"I'm so angry with you," she says. "I don't know how to forgive you for...for...saving me." 
It sounds stupid as she says it but Joel nods solemnly. 
"That's alright." 
"But I..." She wants to get this part right. "Let's go back. To Jackson. We'll figure it out there. But you...you have to swear to tell me the truth. Just like this. We have to be honest with each other."
Joel meets her gaze without blinking. "I swear."
Ellie takes a deep breath. The anger, the horror, the disbelief at what he's done settle a little bit. She has no clue what comes next, but this is a start. 
"Okay."
__
Joel wakes up. 
His back hurts and his shoulder aches. It's dark, darker than it should be, darker than it's been for hundreds of days.
Ellie is asleep in the backseat of the truck. 
It's tomorrow. 
thank you for reading. let me know what you thought!
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jessikahathaway · 1 year
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Roomie - PJM (M)
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Okay, to be fair. I did get a little unhinged with this. But I wanted Roomie Jimin smut something fierce so here it is.
This is pretty unedited, other than the lovely @quirkybtsarmy taking a look at it for me. Thank you babes I appreciate you!
Pairing: Park Jimin X Fem!Reader
Genre: Slice of Life!AU, Roommates!AU, Romance, Smut
Warnings: Reader is BLuNt (but she tries very hard to explain, she's not mean about it), it's pretty much pwp with a zesting of story. Also Jimin is bisexual, but reader is awks and makes some kinda ignorant assumptions (she really means well, she's just emotionally constipated dw dw). Smut warnings: Jimin's Filthy Mouth (this mans ya'll I can't resist-), penetrative sex, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (she's on the pill and all but for the love of everything use protection I stg I'm watching you, be safe for me pls), creampie, multiple orgasms, Seulgi seeing reader's puppy eyes for JM three thousand miles away.
Words: 9.9k (it's pwp... *nervous sweating*)
Rating: 18+
I don't know how I feel about this story, but I wanted to post cause I finished something and it hasn't been fifty years since my last update.
Pls enjoy, if it makes no sense I'm sorry-
Summary: After a disappointing slew of failed sexual escapades, you find yourself willing to do some crazy things.
Falling for your roommate not included.
Another failed sexual encounter. 
That makes four in the past two months!
Now, you weren’t really one to sleep around too much. But, hell, it’s your second to last year of your undergrad and life just fucking sucked. Too much work, too little sleep. It was all fucking ridiculous to be completely honest and all you wanted was a good lay. 
Apparently, college fuck boys aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. 
At least, not the ones you’ve gotten it on with. 
You unlocked your dingy apartment and kicked your heeled boots off. 
It was barely past one in the morning and your roommate was probably asleep. 
Sweet Jimin. 
Well, sometimes. Other times he was savage asshole Jimin but he didn’t usually make an appearance unless you’d left your laundry in the washer...
Again.
Jimin had been your roommate since the beginning of undergrad and he’d been a saving grace for you. You wouldn’t consider the two of you best of friends, but you were closer than most. Your undergraduate program was forensics with the interest of going into some kind of criminal justice but anthropology had more promising opportunities in regards to pay... Needless to say, Jimin being a performing arts major was definitely a reprieve from the stuffy labs and beakers you found yourself surrounded by on the daily.
You winced as you sat down on the couch. 
Honestly, you should’ve just left when the dude said you were wet enough without lube.
“Fucking assholes,” you growled, trying to sit comfortably. 
“We’ve all got one,” Jimin chuckled from his bedroom doorway. 
You shot him a glare, grimacing at the pain in your thighs and vagina. 
When you say you want someone to destroy you, you at least expect a little pleasure with that experience. Fuck...
Now, you’ve had good sex in the past. You’ve definitely had men make you cum, more than once. But the last time that had happened was getting further and further away. 
The sexy as fuck librarian at home, Kim Namjoon, had rearranged your guts after a cute little coffee date. Needless to say, you’d gladly let him destroy you again. 
“-okay?”
“Huh?” you said lamely, turning your head to fully look at your roommate. 
Jimin just sighed before coming over to you to sit next to you on the couch. His weight jostled you and made you huff in discomfort. 
“I asked, if you were okay?” he said, crossing one leg over the other as he lounged against the back of your couch.
You frowned, crossing your arms in obvious annoyance. “No, I’m not okay. Men around here don’t seem to understand that condoms may come with a little bit of lube but that doesn’t mean I’m wet enough to be fucked like a fucking ragdoll for five minutes.”
Jimin winced at your phrasing. You sighed and waved your hand. “Sorry,” you said, rubbing your face. 
“Why are you sorry?” he asked, raising a brow. 
“Cause you don’t want to hear about the woes of a stupidly horny female undergrad,” you said.
Jimin had only ever dated men, at least in the time you’ve known him. And that’s been the past three and a half years. You’d never explicitly asked him his sexual orientation, because it really didn’t matter to you. He was a good person, so who he dated wasn’t really your business. 
“If the horny female undergrad is you then I do want to hear it,” he said, pinching your cheek affectionately. 
You slapped his hand away and nodded, acquiescing to his request of ‘tea’.
“You remember when I went home for Easter? I had sex with Namjoon?” you said, already drooling at the memory. 
“The guy you wouldn’t shut up about for three weeks? Yeah, I remember his ‘god tier’ dick,” he sighed. 
“It’s almost new years... and he’s the last guy who made me cum,” you pouted. 
Jimin’s eyes widened, then his face turned confused. “But... But you’ve brought a couple guys home since then. I know that for damn sure,” he said.
“Just because I brought them home doesn’t mean they made me cum, Jimin,” you sighed, rubbing your forehead. 
All you wanted was some good dick, was that too much to ask for? 
“Damn, that’s shitty... I’m sorry, Y/N, really,” he said, patting your shoulder.
You leaned forward on your knees, not without a flash of pain on your face. Jimin rubbed your back soothingly.
“Jeez, did this guy fuck you with a pole? Why do you keep making that face?” he asked. 
“Remember when I said men around here don’t know what lube is?” you asked, resting your face in your hands. 
“You’re shitting me...”
“Nope,” you said, popping the ‘p’ for dramatic effect.
“Who is he? I’ll show him what fucking lube is while I fuck him up the ass without it,” he grumbled, feeling how tense your lower back was. 
You snorted, leaning into him comfortably. His gentle rubbing was helping your pain just a smidge. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll just soak in the tub for a minute and hopefully that’ll help,” you said. 
“Seems like a bummer since you didn’t even get to cum from it,” he frowned. 
“Sure is,” you said, letting out a big sigh into the dim light of your apartment.
Jimin just let you sit there for a minute, his hand releasing some of the tension from your aching muscles. You felt your eyes getting droopy and Jimin chuckled. “Come on, Y/N, you’ll be pissed at me if I let you sleep out here, get up,” he encouraged, moving to pull you up.
You let out a soft yelp of pain, thighs cramping up and causing you to stumble into Jimin’s arms like some stupid rom-com. Jimin’s face widened in panic as he grabbed you, trying to see what hurt. “Shit! I’m sorry! I didn’t think it was that bad, oh Y/N...”
You pouted up at him and Jimin just sighed before hauling you up into his arms. A sharp squeak left your throat as you clung to him so you didn’t fall. “Don’t squirm like that or your ass is going to hurt more than it already does,” he scolded. 
Biting your lower lip you just nodded, resting against him as he carried you to your room. Jimin tossed some comfortable clothes to you, a simple pair of panties and one of his old t-shirts you’d stolen at some point. He claimed it didn’t fit anymore and offered it to you when he’d found you wearing it on laundry day. 
If he was being honest, he just liked seeing you in his clothes. You had a cute ass that was barely covered by that shirt and fuck if he wasn’t going to take advantage of that, especially since you were clueless to his attraction to you.
It was true Jimin had only dated men since you’d moved in with him. But, what you didn’t know was his last relationship before your friendship had been with a woman. And it had ended pretty badly. She’d kicked him out of their apartment and he’d been homeless for about two months before his friend, Taehyung, had needed a roommate in the apartment you two now shared. 
He’d been a little adverse to women since his ex fucked him over, and he’d been openly bisexual for years so he’d dated men and hooked up with men exclusively for the past couple years. But you were making him want to start considering women again. 
Although, he didn’t really want to rush into anything with you. And it was certainly fun to tease you with lingering touches and watch your flustered expressions. 
Jimin wasn’t an idiot. He knew you found him attractive, you were the one putting a label on him, and he wasn’t going to correct you until you openly asked. 
He may be a touch of a sadist in his spare time.
“Do you want some painkillers?” Jimin asked, tossing the clothes he’d picked at you.
“Yeah, can you grab me some while I get these on?” You asked, reaching for your makeup wipes. 
“Sure thing,” he said, nodding and heading to the bathroom. You tossed your other clothes in the hamper and managed to tug the new panties on without much ceremony. You were sore, but the pain was dulling as you moved around a bit. 
You bent over to grab the t-shirt off the ground, it fell when you’d clambered out of bed to change. 
And Jimin had never been more thankful for his timing. 
Your perky ass greeted him as he came back into your room with a cup of water and tylenol. Jimin smirked and let out a low whistle as he blatantly stared at your panty clad behind. 
You jumped up and covered your chest with the t-shirt. “Hey! D-Don’t whistle at me!” you puffed your cheeks out in irritation and Jimin just laughed. 
“Sorry, I was just appreciating the view,” he said, walking past you and setting the medicine and water on your bedside table. 
“You can’t appreciate the true glory that is my ass,” you rolled your eyes. 
“Wanna bet? Drop your panties and I’ll show you how much I appreciate it,” he said, eyes sharp as he looked over his shoulder at you. 
Your throat tightened. 
Jimin made comments like this sometimes and it always made your chest throb... and, uh, other areas. Because he looked like he was serious. 
“Don’t tease me,” you said, shooing him with your hand that wasn’t desperately holding the shirt to cover your chest. 
He raised a brow before making a noise of acknowledgment. “If you say so,” he said, waving before turning and heading towards the door. 
Just before you dropped your shirt to put it on you heard Jimin’s voice from the hall. “I know how to use lube if you ever want a demonstration!” he called. 
After that you heard the sound of his door shutting.
And the sound of your heart beating really,
Really
Fucking loud.
--
You sat in the cafeteria after another brutal lecture.
Mid-terms were coming up and then winter break would begin and you’d go home to see your family for a week or two. 
You’d already drank three iced coffees and were considering a redbull when you felt the urge to pee. With a heavy sigh you grabbed your stuff and headed to the bathroom. 
You walked in and the sound of soft smacking filled your ears. 
“Fuck, you taste so good, Jimin~” a sweet voice called. 
Jimin?!
You looked in the mirror and saw a pretty girl pressed up against the bathroom wall, but more importantly you saw your roommate. Park Jimin, with his tongue shoved halfway down this girl's throat.
In your stupor you’d forgotten to grab the door, and it slammed closed after your entrance. 
Jimin and the girl jumped apart, both flushed with puffy, kiss swollen lips. 
His shirt was rumpled from her hands and his hair was slightly tousled like she’d had her hands in it. 
The girl coughed awkwardly. “S-Sorry, we’ll head out,” she said, rubbing her neck awkwardly. 
“Uh, it’s fine,” you said, swallowing hard. 
“Sorry, Y/N,” Jimin said, fixing his shirt a bit. 
Jimin’s make out buddy looked at him in confusion. “You know her?” she asked. It wasn’t offended, just curious. 
“Yeah, we’re roommates,” he said with a gentle tone. “She’s cool.”
You nodded slowly. “Y-Yeah, if you need the apartment no big deal. I’ll be studying with Yena tonight pretty late so, yeah. Um, cool,” you said, giving them a little thumbs up before hurrying past and into a stall. 
You heard them leave the bathroom and you weren’t sure why your heart was beating so fast. 
With frantic fingers you dialed the only person who could make heads or tails of this situation. 
Jimin’s ex, Min Yoongi. 
“Y/N? Are you okay?”
Yoongi and Jimin had ended things pretty amicably and you two had gotten close during their six month relationship. 
“I just saw Jimin kiss a girl,” you said. “Full on, his put his tongue in her mouth what-”
“Are you really calling me to tell me my ex is kissing a girl? What part of this sounded like a good idea to you-?”
“I always thought he... didn’t swing that way?” you winced at your phrasing. Words weren’t your strong suit. 
“Y/N, did you ever ask him?” Yoongi sighed, no doubt rubbing his face in annoyance like he always does when you’re being obtuse. 
“I didn’t want to be creepy! That’s not exactly a conversation that comes up too often!”
“It does if you have a crush on them,” he pointed out. 
You were about to argue when you found that... the fucker was right.
Ever since you’d moved in with Jimin, you’d found him attractive. He was charismatic, funny and kind. He was comfort embodied and he was always there if you needed him. 
But he’d never expressed interest in you and then you saw his boyfriends and one night stands and... well, made an assumption. 
“So... all this time I could’ve gotten his dick-”
“I’m gonna hang up,” Yoongi warned. 
“No! Wait, wait, I’m sorry, I need advice, serious advice,” you begged. 
“If you’re going to ask how to seduce my ex, it won’t take much,” he said, chuckling. 
“Huh?” you said, head turning to the side like a confused puppy.
Yoongi sighed loudly into the phone and shook his head. 
Always so emotionally constipated, you were.
“He likes you, we broke up because we both knew that firstly: we’d work better as friends, and two: he was thirsting over his female roommate.”
The words shocked you to the core. 
“B-But he was kissing-”
“When did Jimin and I break up? Three months ago or something, right?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. 
“Yeah, why?” you huffed.
“Jesus, Y/N, if you’d been pining after someone and they weren’t getting the hint wouldn’t you try to move on too?” he said. 
“Move on!? But he never said-”
“You know the last time he dated a woman she left him homeless,” Yoongi said, quietly. “It really fucked him up for a while. She wasn’t the nicest, from what I understand. But, that’s a conversation for him to have with you... not me,” he stated.
Your heart cracked a bit at the thought of someone betraying Jimin and making him suffer. 
“If you’re serious about him, let him know. If not, let him down easy. I gotta go, Y/N, good luck...”
--
Apparently Jimin didn’t wind up needing the apartment that night. 
Cause when you walked in at damn near midnight, strung out on caffeine you found him curled up on the couch watching a tv show comfortably. 
“Hey,” you called, toeing off your shoes before heading into the living room with him.
Jimin turned, giving you a kind grin before patting the couch next to him. You crawled up onto the cushions before falling into his lap in a heap.
He was startled for a moment before he patted your shoulder.
“I’m dumb,” you mumbled into his thigh.
“I can neither agree nor disagree without the appropriate information,” he said, trying not to laugh at your obvious distress.
“Park Jimin, if the following words offend you I apologize but I’m on almost twenty four hours of no sleep and I’m crashing from my third Red Bull of the evening so please, understand any ability to form coherent statements is far beyond me,” you sighed.
Jimin raised a brow, you were still talking to his thigh. “I understand, but I don’t think you’ll offend me, Y/N.”
“Jimin,” you said, finally lifting your head so your tired gaze would match with his.
Yena hadn’t helped much other than saying you needed to talk to him.
She was far more forward with her feelings than you. She was unapologetically herself and it was something you loved and envied about her.
“What’s up?” Jimin asked.
Your heart was in your throat. 
You just had to be thoughtful about how you asked these questions-
“Are you gay?” You asked, completely monotone and the look on Jimin’s face made you wince.
“Right to the chase, huh?”
“S-Sorry, I’m not-fuck… I’m just, I want…”
Jimin watched you flounder for a moment. Your face was panicked and embarrassed as you scrambled to explain yourself.
“I’m not, at least. Not entirely,” he said, leaning back with you half in his lap.
Your face was dumbstruck as you looked at him.
“N-No?” You asked.
Jimin smiled and tucked some of your hair behind your ear. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I lost my virginity to a woman. But my first love was a man. But, as of recently I can see how my sexuality would sway towards one gender,” he said. “Her name was Lyla, she was a few years older than me. And she broke my heart, badly too. She was obsessed with her image, she made me so self conscious… I wasn’t happy with her but she wanted me cause I was a good lay and I’m attractive. She didn’t want me,” he said, rubbing your arm. “She wanted superficial parts of me, but not my issues and certainly not my feelings. Just my body.”
“That’s fucking gross,” you pouted, resting your head in his shoulder. “You’re a person, not some fuck doll.”
“Well I do like being a fuck doll sometimes,” he winked, but he squeezed your shoulder. “She kicked me out and I had nothing and no one. I was lucky to find Taehyung and this place. When he left I found you and now here you are,” he said. 
“Here I am…” you said, voice weak.
“And I’m so glad that you are,” he said. “Nothing’s boring with you around.”
You gave a sheepish look. “So…”
“So?” He asked. “Is there a reason you asked me about my sexuality?”
Your palms were sweating as you looked at him.
“I like you…”
Jimin’s face morphed from his teasing grin to a soft smile. 
“Yeah? That’s cute,” he said.
“So…”
“So?”
You huffed in annoyance, he just kept poking you right in that tender spot of your pride. You just wanted him… not for his body or his face or whatever.
You wanted his puffy face in the morning while he made coffee. His laughter that made his whole body shake. You wanted to kiss him and to hold him close.
“Will you go on a date with me?” You asked, eyes big as they looked up at Jimin’s. His heart stammered for a moment.
Your sweet face and voice asking so nicely.
“Mmm, maybe. What are you planning?”
You made a noise of protest. “H-Hey! You can’t ask before you agree, you should be interested in doing stuff with me… if you want to date me,” you said. “You don’t have to of course if you want me to forget it and leave then-”
“Y/N, I’m teasing you,” he said. “I’ll go on the date. When and where?”
Your face was comically twisted into shock. “You’ll go?”
He smirked a bit. “Did you want me to say no?”
“Didn’t want you to… but I wasn’t expecting a yes,” you said, bottom lip between your teeth as you struggled to keep yourself from fidgeting.
“Well, you got one,” he said, leaning closer. “So when and where?”
You thought for a moment. “You have a showcase coming up right?”
Jimin seemed confused but nodded. “Yeah, in a week, why?”
“After, want to get drinks with me?” You asked, looking anywhere but his lips.
“Drinks, huh?” He nodded. “Sounds good to me, I’ll send you the info for the showcase. You can meet me after?”
“The showcase is free for students, right?” You asked.
Jimin chuckled and nodded. “Yes, but the arts is generally not visited often by the science majors,” he said.
“Doesn’t mean we can’t start,” you pouted.
“You’re right,” Jimin said with a big smile, one that was mirrored on your face.
And you could feel the blooms of something yet to be named fluttering in your chest.
You were sure if you should buy flowers for him or not.
Was it too much?
But showing up empty handed seemed ridiculous.
Without much more thought put into it you grabbed a nice bouquet of flowers and paid for them, getting into the car to head to the showcase.
You were crammed between a woman who was obviously here for her granddaughter, seeing as how she literally said her name every two seconds, and a very uninterested teen.
But you held your flowers and waited.
Now, you’d never really been one for the arts or theater, but you respected those in their fields. You surely couldn’t do it, but as you watched Jimin take the stage with his partner you saw what it meant.
Every beat of the song, every extension of his fingers had a purpose. There was a message he was conveying.
The beautiful orchestral piece they were playing made a tear come to your eye. They danced like they wouldn’t get to do it again, like separating their hands for an instant was too much to ask.
As the strings settled and the piano took over you watched in amazement as the pair fell to the ground gracefully, reaching for each other but their hands never touched again.
The room erupted into applause and you found yourself doing the same.
You knew Jimin could dance, hell, you’d even seen him practicing in the living room endlessly some nights. You’d wake up to find him asleep on the floor on your trek to the bathroom or on your hunts for a midnight snack. 
But to see it with the atmosphere and the music, you could feel every ounce of charisma and dedication pouring from him and his partner. They bowed to the audience and gave each other a good natured hug as they walked off stage together. 
You desperately wanted to rush after him, compliment his incredible performance but there were still a few pieces left and you did want to see them, especially if they were half as good as Jimin’s they’d be nothing short of incredible.
The showcase ended with everyone coming back on stage and bowing together as a group before moving to the hall to greet their friends and family members who’d come to support them. 
The crowded room made your anxiety spike in your throat, you hunched your shoulders and kept yourself from running. You weren’t an extremely charismatic person, nor were you a big people person. The long stints in your lab and the late nights with your nose buried in your textbooks were proof enough of your natural aversion to the spotlight.
But Jimin seemed to exude the complete opposite energy. 
And you were glad to see him making his way toward you, even with a small group of people chatting with him on the way. His partner, whom you found out to be Kang Seulgi, was incredibly kind and chatted with you while Jimin spoke to his good friend Hoseok who’d choreographed his and Seulgi’s performance.
“Jimin was more nervous than usual today,” she chuckled softly. “I should’ve known it was because you’d be here.”
You flushed at her blunt statement. “Ah, he’s a perfectionist, I’m sure he was just nervous because of the size of the crowd,” you said, trying to keep your heart from bursting out of your chest.
“If you say so,” she said with a raised brow. 
“Y/N,” a soft and sweet voice filled your ears. You turned and saw Jimin smiling at you as he approached. “Those for me?” he asked, eyes revealing a touched expression.
“Yes,” you swallowed. “I-I was hoping it wouldn’t be too much-”
“No,” Jimin said, taking the flowers as you pushed them towards him. “They’re lovely, thank you.”
You nodded, trying to keep your mind from melting at his eyes and the warmth they exuded.
Seulgi chuckled before wishing the both of you a good night, searching for her friends in the crowd. 
Jimin’s arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you in a little closer. You flushed as he invaded your space, however you couldn’t find it in yourself to be disgruntled, even jokingly. 
“Minie...” you whispered, your voice startlingly soft and sweet. Usually you weren’t as demure as you were at this moment. You only used that nickname when you wanted something, and Jimin found it hard to resist your innocent ploy. 
“Yeah baby? What is it?” he asked, teasing as he pulled you in closer. You snuggled into his shirt happily, letting yourself get swept away in the moment just this once. “Mmm, you’re awfully cuddly, did you start without me?” he asked. 
You made a noise of complaint, looking up at him indignantly. “I’ll have you know I’m brave enough to be doing this sober.”
“Yikes.”
“Fuck you.”
“Depends on how many drinks you give me,” he snickered. 
“J-Jimin!”
He rolled his eyes as he started walking towards the exit, his arm slung over your shoulders as he tucked you into his side. You bit your lip as you wrapped your arm around his waist, happily enjoying the warmth as you two stepped into the night’s frigid air. 
The air was bitingly cold but you took a deep breath in and watched as the fog appeared as you exhaled. “Mmm, it’s cold.”
“Brilliant observation.”
You narrowed your eyes in a glare at him before he pinched your cheek and shook your head softly. With a nasty pout you shoved his hand off of your face. “Smart ass.”
Jimin cupped your jaw, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes turned glossy as you watched his features turn cold as the air around you. “Don’t be a brat, I’ll smack your ass right here if you act up,” he warned. 
A throb of want pulsed down to your center as your eyes got big in shock towards his forward attitude. You let out a squeak when he took his hand off your jaw before brushing some of your hair from your face. “Are you more submissive?” he asked, voice suddenly much less icy and returning to the warmth you usually received from him.
You choked with embarrassment as you struggled to put distance between you two. “I can’t, I’m gonna go lay in traffic-”
“Y/N! Stop the dramatics-oof! Don’t squirm-hey! Don’t resist!”
“This sounds horrible doesn’t it?” you laughed as he struggled to keep you in his arms as you kept trying to go limp in his hold. 
He laughed right along with you, working to keep you standing but eventually giving up as the two of you laid on the sidewalk right next to the campus’s performing arts center.
Surprisingly there was no snow, even at this time of year. But the concrete underneath you was sucking the warmth from your bones as you felt your teeth starting to chatter relentlessly. 
“We can get up-” Jimin tried to offer but you shook your head.
“No, this is fun,” you sighed.
“Laying on frigid concrete isn’t usually what I’d describe as ‘fun’ Y/N, you should see the school psychiatrist-ouch!” he growled, grabbing your sneaky hand that had pinched his nipple in retaliation.
You burst into laughter all over again. 
There was a lightness in your chest you hadn’t felt in so long.
You loved school and you took pride in preparing for the future you were planning for yourself. It wasn’t something everyone accomplished, not that they needed to, but for you it was a big deal and that led to a lot of pressure. Not only from others, but worst of all-from yourself.
They do say you are your own worst critic, and it was the most goddamn true statement you’d ever heard in your life. 
There was so much pressure not only on you but on everyone going through life. The world was crazy and life was seemingly changing every single day. It was hard not to get wrapped up in all of it, forget that there are simple things still in the world.
Like laying on the freezing cold cement with a stupidly attractive man, one you’d really like to kiss. 
You think you might just.
Just a little.
Without realizing it, you were leaning in.
Until Jimin’s lips were snug against yours. 
Oh god...
Ohgodohgodohgod.
You felt your heart jolt in your chest, even though you pulled back relatively quickly. You squeaked in shock at yourself, covering your mouth as you sat up with hot cheeks. 
“I-I’m so sorry! I’m usually much less-well... Actually I’m probably a little more-uh, ha-”
“Hey,” Jimin soothed, bringing his hands to your waist. “I know you word vomit when you’re nervous, but it’s just me Y/N. You’ve known me for years,” he said, giving you a little bashful smile.
“I-It’s not just you... It’s... It is you and that’s why I’m turning into an uncivilized moron I’m sorry...” you winced. You just didn’t know how to act, on other dates you felt like you had to put up this persona. This mirage of an image that was more appealing than the awkward and fumbling mess you turned into the moment feelings got involved. 
Words still weren’t your strong suit.
Jimin moved closer, causing you to squeak and shut your eyes as you waited with baited breath. When nothing happened you peeked one eye open and saw Jimin’s shoulders shaking with laughter.
“Ah, you’re too cute Y/N, I never knew you’d be this easy to tease,” he cooed, causing you to shove him back with an embarrassed huff.
“Get off,” you pouted.
“We should go, it’s fucking freezing,” he said, lifting you up and wrapping his arm around you with an easy smile on his face.
“D-Did you still wanna get drinks?” You asked, looking at him with a soft shimmer in your eyes.
Jimin sighed and looked up at the dark sky. “I have an idea,” he said, turning to gaze at you once more. “Let’s grab some cheap vodka and some mixers, drinks at home,” he offered.
You bit your lip. “If that’s what you wanna do,” you said. “I’m down for that too.”
He nodded, taking your hand as you headed out into the night, heart hammering in your chest as you felt a sensation bubbling in the pit of your stomach…
Jimin had made good on his promise, it was almost midnight and you two were properly tipsy.
Not blackout hammered, but certainly looser and perhaps a bit more… unhinged.
“God damn it, I’m gonna fucking destroy you!” Jimin growled.
You smirked with a twinkle in your eye.
“You’d love to, wouldn’t you, huh? But, unfortunately,” you pressed a button on your controller.
Jimin’s character blew up and he snarled in frustration as he kicked his head back. “You’re such a shit! Come on, don’t be a brat,” he said, trying to mess you up so you’d fail as well.
“Jimin!” You shouted, turning on the sheepish man as your character fell to their death, ending the match for the pair of you. “I was gonna win again! How could you?”
He scoffed. “How could I? Y/N, you’ve won almost every game against me!”
You tried not to smirk at his distressed tone, but you couldn’t help the maniacal laughter that took over you as you looked at his pouting face. “Ah, Minie, I’m sorry, I-I don’t mean to laugh,” you chuckled out, not sounding even the slightest bit sorry.
“Better quit teasing me, baby, I’m not a gracious loser,” he warned, raising a brow.
The alcohol made you mouthy, unfortunately.
“Oh? Don’t like to lose huh? For someone who doesn’t like to lose, you do an awful lot of it, don’t you?” you smirked, eyes sparkling with mirth and bratty attitude.
Jimin didn’t like this however, because the next thing you know, you’re on the ground with him between your legs as he pinned you on the floor. His hands were around your wrists as your thighs wrapped around his hips loosely. His crotch was right up against your core and it had your stomach in a fit of butterflies. 
“You... are such a little fucking brat,” he grit out. “You keep acting up and I’m gonna smack your ass fucking raw,” he warned. 
A normal person would’ve stuttered and flushed like mad at his angry tone and dark expression.
You may have had a slightly different reaction...
“Minie!” you whined loudly, voice sweet and needy. Jimin’s brows shot up as you clamped a surprised hand over your mouth in shock.
The shock leaked off his features as they turned even darker than before. “Yeah? What is it baby? Something the matter?” he smirked, pushing his hips closer to yours with a menacing look.
“N-No...” you whispered, voice surprisingly soft and docile.
Jimin raised a brow and scoffed at you. “For someone who was talking a lot of shit just a few minutes ago you sure turned into a bitch really quick for some dick, huh?” he laughed. The heat of his statement worked its way onto your face. So much so it made you turn your head so you didn’t have to look at him.
“Hey,” his tone was gentler, fingers intertwining with yours as he kissed your cheek. “Too much? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable...”
You quickly snapped your head back towards his so you could connect your lips. He sighed as he gently kissed you back. “Need you to tell me if it’s too much baby,” he said, kissing your jaw and right under your ear. You hiccuped in pleasure, trying desperately not to ruin your panties.
“N-Nothing so far has made me uncomfortable... I-I like dirty talk, a lot,” you promised. “Are you okay? I-I don’t wanna rush you either.”
Jimin’s face softened, kissing you again. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he sat the two of you up. “Ah, I hate to sound like a fucking animal, but I’ve had way too many wet dreams about you to stop now,” he panted. “If you’re down I’d like to properly appreciate your ass now,” he smirked. 
Your eyes twinkled in the soft light of the living room as you nodded. “Yes... Yes I want that,” you said. “Take me to bed, Minie...”
He did not have to be told twice. Quickly, Jimin hauled you in the air as he carried you both to his room. You were going to protest and say you had a nicer bed when he shushed you. “Shh, I’ll fuck you here and then we’ll sleep in yours,” he said, dropping you on the sheets of his bed moments later. “Now spread your legs.”
You were eager to comply, separating your thighs as he situated himself in between them once again. “M-Minie~”
He shushed you again by bringing your mouths together, sucking on your bottom lip as he ground his hardening cock against your pussy. Your panties were already soaked and your flimsy pajama shorts weren’t going to stop your arousal. Especially if Jimin kept grinding against you like that.
It was like he was fucking you with your clothes on. He rolled his hips against your core desperately, causing his thickening member to nudge your clit just so. You whined against his lips, clutching his shirt due to the pleasure coursing through you.
“Such a pretty baby, you sound so fucking pathetic, whining for my cock like a bitch in heat. You a little puppy slut? Just starting her rut? Huh?” his voice was thick with arousal as he ground against you. “Don’t deserve my cock. Not after being such a little bitch,” he snapped, grabbing your jaw in his hand. You were panting at the aggressive nature he took on, eyes turning watery as you begged for more. 
“B-But Minie! I-I came t-to your showcase! I-I was nice,” you pleaded. “I-I’m sorry for being mean, I’ll be good,” you promised. 
A dark chuckle left his lips as he slammed his pelvis into yours entirely too hard to be nice, making you yelp. But the sharp sting left you writhing underneath him. “Desperate,” he teased. “No one’s been fucking you right, huh? Last good dick was so long ago you’re already soaking my fucking pants,” he rolled his eyes, as if this was predictable. “Should’ve known you’d be a little cockslut once I got my hands on you...”
“I’ll be a slut for you, Minie... If that’s what you want,” you gasped when he rolled against your clit firmly, making sparks flush through your body. Your hips twitched, naturally seeking out your pleasure. But Jimin had different plans. 
He pulled you up and kissed you, tangling his fingers in your hair before tugging your head back to kiss your neck and throat. “Don’t want to rush you my baby,” he breathed, trailing his lips across your jaw slowly. “If you need to stop just tell me,” he said, sealing those words with a kiss as he finally slipped his hand inside your shorts. 
“M-Minie!” you cried, head falling back against his pillows. “C-Careful, m’sensitive baby,” you bit your lip.
“Aw, poor baby,” he said, voice mocking and harsh. It sent chills of pleasure over your skin. “You’re sensitive from humping my fucking crotch like a little bitch,” he growled. “If you’re sensitive, then it’s your own damn fault for being such a cock hungry whore,” he snarled, pressing a savage kiss against your mouth. 
You weren’t even sure you could call it a kiss. He panted harshly against your mouth, his tongue licking inside soon after. 
With a soft but sweet whine you wrapped your arms around his neck again, playing with the hair at the base of his head. You tangled your fingers in it and gently scratched his scalp in a way that made him purr. 
“Minie,” you pouted. “Please touch me...” you flushed, voice shaky as you tried not to shy away. It was harder than expected, to be totally submissive and to feel okay. Usually you switched, men had taken advantage of you before. Never anything terribly traumatizing, but there had been some situations where things went too far and a safeword had to be used. 
And after that you went back to more vanilla sex, but it was all so fucking boring. These college boys you’d been fucking hadn’t been on the same level, not even the same fucking planet as Jimin. You felt so hot, so turned on, but you didn’t feel like you couldn’t be honest either. 
It was a little intimidating to have something so good. You weren’t sure what you’d do if you lost him now...
And he hadn’t even gotten his dick out yet.
Jesus.
“Baby? Y/N, hey, look at me for a second,” Jimin’s voice was still husky, but more direct. “There you are,” he said, a small smile on his face. 
You blinked slowly before you mirrored his action. “Sorry, just... Got caught up for a second, I’m here. I’m okay, promise,” you said, pecking his lips sweetly.
“I trust you,” he said, pushing your hair away from your face before he gently cupped your core through your panties. “You’re soaking these panties, pretty... I’d hate for you to have to throw them out,” he said with a smug look on his face. “Mind if I take them off?”
With a quick lift of your hips, Jimin was tugging the wet fabric of your shorts and panties down your thighs and off your feet shortly after. His eyes gleamed in the dim light of his room. You sat up and shed your shirt before laying back in his sheets. You’d both changed shortly after getting home, pajamas being much more favorable than the clothes you’d both worn out that evening. Although Jimin had kept his makeup from the showcase on.
You certainly weren’t going to remind him now...
“Shit... Y/N, you’re pussy is so fucking pretty,” he moaned, kissing your shin and knee with his plush and slightly swollen lips. “Bet you’re gonna fucking cream my cock, you ever squirted baby? Think I could get you there?” he asked, running his thumb through your slick and puffy lips. 
“Jimin,” you gasped, arching your back gently, reaching up to grip your chest. You gently rubbed your nipples, working them to sensitive peaks as you tugged and stimulated them as Jimin played between your legs.
He leaned forwards and kissed your sternum, smiling against your skin as he felt your hands brush from his head down to his upper back and shoulders. He shivered slightly when you ran your nails across his sensitive flesh. 
“I’m so hard, baby,” he whined, licking his lips as he looked at your center. “But you look so good, I need to taste you. Maybe if you’re good I’ll lick my cum out of you later,” he winked. You felt your pussy clench around nothing at those words, begging for his teasing thumb to sink inside. Just a little. 
You’d never felt so desperate.
Jimin had mastered the art of teasing it appeared. Because you’d never felt so needy. Perhaps it was the fact that you and Jimin had incredible sexual chemistry. But, there was something else deeper than that. You’d had good sex, you know what it’s like to be pleasured well. 
But this was something else entirely.
It felt like he knew you, like he knew exactly where he wanted to touch you and it was exactly where you needed him. Every part of you was made for him to touch, to worship...
To ruin.
“P-Please, I need something, Minie... Hurts,” you breathed, hips seeking his touch out.
He didn’t make you ask anymore, sinking his thumb inside your clenching hole with a hiss. “Oh fuuucckk,” he moaned, watching your sticky pussy swallow his digit had his cock pulsing aggressively in his pants. “Snug little cunt, huh? Looks so tasty baby, gonna be good for me while I eat this pussy?”
You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice to hide the desperation you felt. 
“Yeah, you’ll be good for me... If you aren’t, I’ll edge you until you cry,” he smirked, eyes dark and dangerous.
“‘M good Minie, I’ll be good,” you whispered, worrying your bottom lip as you felt him adjust. Soon he was kissing your thighs, thumb still rocking in your pussy slowly. “Please, wanna feel your hot mouth on my pussy, baby.”
Jimin growled against your skin before he pushed his thumb in deeper before giving your pussy a fat lick. “Fuck, fucking hell baby,” his voice was deep, vibrating your core as he absolutely refused to separate from your heat for a second. 
You tasted so fucking good...
Now, Jimin was entirely aware that pussy didn’t taste like candy or fucking sugar. But you were so fucking wet. It was dripping down his chin, coating his tongue in your flavor, thick and heady in his mouth and throat. 
“M-Mm! Baby!” you cried, gripping the sheets tightly in your fists. “Feels so good! So fucking good!”
How did you taste so good? Jimin couldn’t get over that fact. Jimin hadn’t ever said no to going down on a woman if it was consensual. His ex said his head game was insane. He didn’t like to boast, but he knew he was good with his mouth. But this much slick cream was insane to him.
He couldn’t get enough.
“Such a sweet little cut, so wet for me,” he panted against your skin, licking his lips before digging back in.
Jimin removed his thumb, making you whine in frustration. Your core was still achingly empty, even with his digit fucking you open. He licked all your arousal off his thumb before sucking your clit into his mouth and pushing two fingers into your weeping hole.
“Minie!” you sobbed, walls sucking him in as deep as you could take him, clit on fire as he tortured it with his tongue.
“Fuck you’re so tight,” he moaned. “So soft, kinda forgot how sweet and soft pussy is... But something tells me, yours is special,” he winked which made you scoff. “Already the best pussy I’ve ever had...”
You bit your lip and moaned as Jimin’s fingers worked inside of you. He ground his middle finger against that rough spot while sucking on your clit and you felt a hot pulse of pure bliss shoot down your spine.
“Jimin!” you shrieked, causing him to jolt in surprise. 
“Baby? Too much? I’m sorry-”
“Please don’t stop!”
He froze for a moment before he chuckled darkly. “You want me to make you squirt pretty? I can almost bet I’ll make you squirt for me,” he said, licking your clit like a kitten, watching in amusement as your hips twitched against his ministrations.
“I’ll take whatever you give me Minie, m’ your good girl,” you said, eyes big and watery, shining in the light of the room. Jimin felt his heart twinge in his chest.
He was nervous to do this with you. He was nervous to take this step.
He didn’t want to fuck it up.
Firstly, he’d hate to lose you. Secondly, it would be really hard to either find a new roommate or apartment right now. Middle of the semester was such a shit time honestly. 
But he knew, he knew what he wanted.
You were worth the risk, you were worth the chance.
He was willing if you were.
“You are, aren’t you?” he praised, kissing your jaw as he fucked you with his fingers. “Gonna cum for me like a good girl? Want to make you cum so hard baby, has anyone ever made you squirt before?”
With fluttering eyes you shook your head, no. You’d made yourself squirt, almost. It was a little different than you imagined it was supposed to be. 
“Want me to help you then? Want your Minie to get you there?” 
Him calling himself ‘your’ Minie did things to you that had not only pussy clenching but your heart as well.
“Please Minie,” you mewled, digging your nails into your thighs desperately.
“Okay pretty, I’ll make you cum, you’re gonna soak this bed when I’m done eating your cunt,” he growled, leaning down once more to suck your clit into his mouth as his fingers sunk in deeper.
Fuck, he’d added a third one.
But his middle digit kept pulsing and rubbing in the same time as his tongue and mouth on your clit. You felt each push and suck in your stomach. You could feel yourself slipping, your pussy was getting wetter and wetter, and Jimin was elated.
“Yes, that’s it,” he said, kissing your cunt before going right back to sucking.
A hot sensation pooled in your lower stomach, causing you to clench tightly. Your breaths were coming in shorter now, Jimin seemed to notice.
“Feel it?”
You nodded quickly. “B-Baby, feels... a lot... ‘s a lot!” you whimpered, clutching the sheets before you carved your thighs up with the aggressive pleasure coursing through you.
“It’s okay baby, it’s gonna feel so good. Breathe, keep breathing my baby,” he cooed softly, capturing your clit between his plush lips and amping up the speed of his hand and fingers. 
You didn’t have time to breathe, because you were cumming shortly after.
Jimin watched in awe as you screamed in pleasure before you came hard all over him and his bed. “Good girl, fuck that’s so fucking sexy, give it to me...”
You collapsed against the sheets, heart hammering in your chest and ears ringing as you felt your toes and fingertips tingling. Jimin cleaned his fingers, shushing you as he took off his shirt to clean around your thighs just a bit to get most of you wiped up.
“Y/N? Can you hear me baby?” he asked, trying to be gentle. His cock was leaking in his sweatpants at this point, he’d been grinding it against the mattress as he ate you out. But cumming that hard, and especially after the spout of assholes you’d encountered in the bedroom lately, that orgasm was no doubt intense. 
You swallowed hard, leveling out your breathing to a softer panting as Jimin leaned forward, kissing your lips and cheek softly. “Easy, do you need some water? You did so good, pretty,” he said, pressing tender kisses and bites into your skin.
“I-If you can make me cum that hard, I have to marry you. You’re mine, I won’t let anyone else have you,” you said, holding his face as you kissed his jaw and lips slowly.
Jimin laughed softly, kissing you back before he moved away. You pouted, but only for a moment as you saw Jimin pushing his pants off. 
Your mouth dropped open slightly as you saw his cock, bright red and absolutely drenched in precum. You wanted to move forward, take his dick in your mouth and pleasure him just as good as he did you, but he was already moving towards you again.
With eager hands you found yourself kissing him once more, palming his cock and caressing his neck all the while.
“F-Fuck, not too much. I’ll fucking blow my load, can I fuck you? Condoms or no condoms I don’t care, but fuck I need to be inside you,” he said, pushing you on your back as he palmed one of your breasts.
“I’m on the pill, and I haven’t let anyone go raw in over a year, I-I’m okay with it if you are-”
“Yes,” he hissed, lining himself up with your center. His eyes locked with yours for a moment. You gave him a nod before he finally pushed himself in.
“Minie! Jimin! F-Fuck,” you cried, throwing your head back into the pillows as Jimin sank deep inside you. He wasn’t incredibly huge, he was certainly above average however. Bigger than the most recent stint of idiots you’d let fuck you.
And you were so fucking happy he went in raw. You loved raw sex, creampies were certainly a big kink for you. Not only that, but you could feel every delicious inch of him filling your desperate pussy. You could feel how hot he was, how snug he fit inside you.
“Y/N, oh fuck,” he huffed, resting his head on your shoulder. “F-Fuck, you feel so fucking good. Wet little pussy sucking me in, Jesus christ baby,” he laughed, almost in disbelief. “If you’ve got a pussy like this, squeezing me like this? Then I think I agree baby, I’m going to have to marry you... I’m not letting anyone else fuck you, especially not some stupid fucking assholes who won’t appreciate such a perfect cunt... You said some fucking prick needed lube? Must not have liked him as much as you like my fat cock, baby... You’re dripping.”
“Don’t want anyone else Minie!” you moaned. “Fuck me, please baby... Please fuck my pussy, want you so much.”
Jimin didn’t waste any more time, he grabbed your thighs and pulled your hips up, making you curl in on yourself so he had more leverage. “Take my cock baby, sweet pussy,” he moaned, thrusting into you firmly.
You grabbed his shoulders, moaning loudly as he started fucking into you. The sound of his hips slapping into yours was echoing through the room, Jimin leaned down to suck tender marks into your breasts. He grabbed your wrists, pinning them to the bed as he forced you to take his cock.
“Minie! Cock so big baby, u-uh! Please, please-ahh! F-Fuck, feels so good,” you mewled.
Hot pleasure curled through your body, making involuntary grunts and moans fall from your lips without you even realizing it. Although, Jimin’s cock had you so braindead honestly you wouldn’t be able to say anything coherent anyways. True bliss.
Jimin wasn’t exactly going to be writing any papers at this moment either, his mind had two thoughts. Make you cum again, and make him cum. And if he was lucky, his dick would go again. He can’t remember the last time he was so riled up.
He’s not surprised his little shit of a roommate is the one who managed to work him to the edge of insanity. You’re so beautiful, he’d been absolutely fucked from the moment you walked into his life. How was he supposed to resist you?
Every part of your body drew him in. Supple thighs, beautiful eyes that sparkled, sweet lips that he’d found could spit the nastiest things (although he is the furthest from complaining), and a tender heart that was captured by the simplest actions, but usually those spoke the loudest.
You weren’t good with words, but you really did try. You wanted to understand, you wanted to be connected.
“Fuck,” Jimin growled, thrusting inside you steadily, you watched with morbid curiosity as his entire frame slammed into yours. You watched where your pussy struggled to swallow every inch of him, but you could feel all the slick leaking from not only you, but Jimin as well. Your arousal and his precum created a very easy glide that had your stomach roiling with desire. Your clit throbbed in want, but you feared if you let go of the sheets or him for even a second you’d be fucked right off the bed.
“Minie! S-So close, please baby, can I cum? Wanna cream on your dick,” you whined, grabbing at his forearms with your pretty hands that had Jimin going utterly feral.
“I’ll make you cum so fucking hard baby,” he said, adjusting so one of your legs was stretched up and over his shoulder as he started to pound into you even harder.
You couldn’t breathe, the look on Jimin’s face was utter sin. His eyes were dark, the makeup from his showcase smudged a little from the sweat, but overall he still looked incredible. His flushed face and neck, even the top of his chest was slightly twinged. He was panting, sweat coated the tips of his hair as he kept his brutal pace with ease.
“Touch my clit, please! Jimin, I’m so close,” you cried, feeling every inch of your body start to tingle. 
He didn’t waste any time as he brought his thumb to your clit while he kissed your ankle. “Cum, Y/N, soak my cock,” he encouraged, eyes fucked out and dazed. 
Your body couldn’t take anymore, your walls clamped down on his dick and you screamed in bliss. You couldn’t tell what happened for a few moments until you felt Jimin shake your shoulder for a second. “Baby, please, where do you want it?” he asked, drawing you out of your stupor long enough. 
It was a no brainer for you.
“Inside,” you purred, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in as he shivered.
“Gonna take my load baby? Want it inside?” he asked, panting harshly against your lips. 
“Yeah, give it to me... Wanna feel it dripping out of me,” you whined, the sensitivity of his brutal thrusts settling it.
Jimin growled, kissing you deeply before his hips stuttered. You soothed your hands down his back as he rutted into you a few more times, ensuring you milked him for every drop he had. 
His kisses turned softer, trailing them along your cheek and jaw as he tried to calm himself down. His heart was hammering inside his chest as he watched you sleepily try to keep up with his affections.
“Y/N, you okay? Let me get a towel and then we can head to your room,” he offered, pulling back gently as you both winced at the slight ache and tender drag. “Keep your hips up for a second,” he stated as he jogged to the bathroom. 
You huffed in effort as you waited. Jimin reappeared shortly after, walking over with a warm cloth that he used to clean you up as best he could. “Okay, think you can stand?” he asked, tossing the cloth and towels in the basket.
“Yeah, what’s standing?” Jimin laughed and so did you while reaching for him as he helped you get up on your feet. A slight head rush flew through you at the change in orientation. You wrapped your arms around Jimin’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. He obliged you, eagerly kissing you as well.
“You need to use the restroom,” he said, urging you towards it. “Let me get these sheets in the basket at least and then we can continue this,” he smiled, pecking your cheek before patting your bare ass and sending you into the bathroom.
You rolled your eyes but did clean up a bit more and used the toilet before washing your hands and face, patting yourself dry with a nice fluffy towel. You tried not to let the nervous sensation in your stomach overwhelm you. Jimin hadn’t really specified what this meant. But to be fair, neither did you. It’s not like you both were rushing anything either.
Fuck...
“Are you giving yourself a nosebleed in there? Come on, lets get some sleep,” Jimin said through the door. You couldn’t help the smile that creeped onto your face as you opened the door and found Jimin standing there. He worked quickly, pulling you out and shutting the light off before dragging you through his room.
He’d worked fast to strip his bed, eager to get you back into his arms. 
“Are you okay with sleeping together?” Jimin asked, standing outside your door with you. You nodded, opening your room and bringing him inside. You tossed the towel into your basket, reaching and grabbing another pair of panties before throwing a huge t-shirt over it all. Jimin was sat on your bed and you couldn’t help but like the view. 
He seemed to feel your gaze on him because moments later his eyes were locked with yours. “Beds cold, come here,” he said, pouting softly.
How could you resist such a sweet request from him?
Without even a moment of hesitation you moved towards your bed and let him wrap you up in his arms under the blankets happily. You two curled together, chests touching as Jimin rubbed your scalp softly. 
The silence wasn’t necessarily awkward, but it was clear you two both wanted to say something. 
“Minie,” you broke the tension, voice soft and sweet in the night. 
“Yeah, Y/N?” he asked, looking you in the eyes. 
“We didn’t... We didn’t really say what this was, and um. I don’t want to ruin this, our friendship, but I also don’t want to miss out on something good just because I didn’t want to rock the boat,” you said bluntly.
Jimin snorted before nodding. “I see, alright. Well, I was under the impression you were interested in a relationship. That’s generally what dates are for, and someone who was looking to hit it and quit it probably wouldn’t have bought me flowers and cried during my showcase,” he chuckled. “I value our friendship as well, you’re a wonderful woman. But I also don’t want to miss something good, I don’t want to miss out on you.” 
His words made your chest stutter with anxiety, but also pure elation. 
“Then, we’re doing this? Uh, relationship? Together… thing?” You butchered that, but Jimin smiled all the same.
“I’m yours if you’re mine,” he said, kissing your forehead.
You were about to kiss him softly when you burst into laughter. Tears fell down your face as you struggled to keep your wheezing down.
Jimin watched in blatant confusion.
“Babe? Uh, what’s so funny?”
“And they were roommates!"
*Please don't ask about updates, thank you*
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Epel, Cater: With Open Arms
ashldbasiyaod Sorry for getting your birthday fic out late, Epel 💦
I couldn't find anything in the vignettes to hone in on as the major topic for his convo with Cater... so I made up my own little tale based on the painting in Epel's Groovy illustration and used that as a jumping off point. Hopefully you still enjoy!
A Tale as Old as Time.
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Red was not Epel's color.
It was too bright, too bold—and yet he felt his eye drawn to it. The color, a magnet with a pull too strong to resist.
There.
A fair maiden, her eyes shut, cupped the fruit in both hands. Dainty fingers hugged the apple--round, ripe, and skin the color of a ruby. It was unblemished and free of bites, trapped in the scene to be savored by the gazes of passerbys.
"Hehe. This one looks pretty tasty too," Epel murmured to himself.
"Are you looking out for every painting with an apple in it?" Cater teased from a little way ahead of him. His eyes glinted with mischief, and Epel was reminded of a Granny Smith. Not quite the same shade, but there was the familiar tartness, a slight bite.
"I guess so. I help out with produce quality control back home, so I think I just started doing it without thinking." He slightly inclined his head. "It's a nice apple."
"You don't know the story behind it?"
"Er, no. I didn't realize there was one."
"It's a cautionary tale about being wary of strangers!" Cater threw a wink to the first year. "They tell it all the time to kids in the Shaftlands.
"It goes like this: a girl lives in the forest with seven of her friends. One day, when her friends are off mining for work, a stranger offers her a juicy red apple. She takes a bite of it and falls unconscious. The stranger had poisoned the apple because they were jealous of the happy life the girl had.
"The girl's seven friends come home and manage to bring her an antidote, so she's okay. The stranger is chased away, and the girl and her friends are a happy family again."
"Gosh, that's morbid! Why'd you have to go and tell me that..."
"Hehe. Scary, right?" The amused trill in Cater's voice didn't match his words. "Envy can drive people to do some pretty insane things to come out on top."
"When you say it with a smile like that... I can't help but be a little worried, Cater-senpai."
"It's not that surprising. Happens all the time on socials!" his upperclassman chirped. The green of his eyes had shifted a shade darker. "It's much easier to turn on someone when you're looking at them through a screen instead of in the eyes."
Epel clasped his hands to his chest. "... Do people really do that though? Just go on the internet to lie and backstab...?"
"Aww, you're still so innocent, Epel-chan. Well, you'll learn about this kind of stuff sooner or later. Placing your faith in anyone that comes along might lead to you hurting in the end."
"Is that really how it is?" Epel's brows scrunched--as did his nose. It made him look like a frustrated little bunny. "It might be a city thing.
"In Harveston, we help each other out all the time. Everyone knows each other. If the harvest is heavy and we're short on hands, the neighbors will pick apples with us. When there's a celebration, it's potluck style. We each make a dish and share it with the village. My ma 'n pa... er, that is, my parents... they always tell me we ought to extend that courtesy to outsiders and tourists too."
"That must be the famous Harveston hospitality Lils told me about! It sounds so nice~" Cater sighed wistfully, then pouted. "It's rare to find a community as close-knit as that nowadays. In the largest cities, people are way too busy to pay you any mind. Cay-kun's got major FOMO!"
"Ahahah... We really did grow up in very different places." Epel smiled softly. "Tell you what. If you ever visit, we'll be sure to welcome you with open arms, Cater-senpai. You can be a part of our family too."
"Eh, you mean it?!" Cater's face immediately lit up--and Epel had to wonder if his sadness had been an act. Truth or lie? It was always difficult to tell with him.
"I might just take you up on that offer then," Cater crooned, slipping an arm around Epel's shoulder. "You'll have to show me all of the best attractions and local specialties! Oh, and the best photo spots!"
"It's a promise."
His mouth stretched into a cheeky smirk. The red of a shining apple and the taste of a teasing—temptations he failed to resist.
"And how about a juicy poisoned apple to bring back as a souvenir?"
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tbhimnoteasyonmyself · 3 months
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Who is White?
If it is not I, your friendly neighbourhood non-binary deranged literature major, once again to tell you about stuff that the voices™︎ have prompted me.
This time, let's talk about the elephant in the room, the odd one out: Mr. White, a.k.a the fandom's babyboy.
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(me as Fluke in this GIF, walking in ready to dissect this bitch)
So, what do we factually know about this man?
From what we're directly told in the show:
He's Tee's boyfriend, at least, since 12th grade, meaning they have been together for about 3 years, maybe 4 (depending on when exactly we are in terms of time in the present and when exactly during 12th grade they started dating).
He's younger than the rest of them, according to Por and Top in episode 1.
He studied at a different school from the main gang AND from Phee (yes, despite the embroidery having a similar colour, the writings where the institution's name should be are nothing alike, thus, not from the same place)
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He cares a lot about his appearance (he does skincare when Por is literally dying downstairs and he sees a rash on his body while under the effect of New's absynthe - idk if it's absynthe or not but my friends and I have been calling it that since we saw them drink the green drinks so it's absynthe for me and there's that).
He's generally a very respectful person (he always speaks formally and nicely to everyone, even when people are hostile to him, like Tee or Fluke).
His fear doesn't seem to paralyze him in high-pressure situations (he strikes people with a tripod twice to save himself and others when he thinks they're in danger).
Another source could be the Yearbook, which, now, we have to be a bit more skeptical about because, as seen in New's case, it's not 100% accurate. One can argue that it is accurate because the yearbook would have Tan's info, since that's who he's living as and no one knows any better than that, including the institutions and, sure, yeah, fair. But while we don't know that White is hiding anything from us as well, we can't be sure of it. So, take the following with a grain of salt:
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(translated with Google Translate)
His legal name is Watcharin Siriphan
He was born on the 25th of February 2005 (which confirms what Por and Top say)
His blood type is A (which according to the Blood Type Personality Theory means he is shy, stubborn, a perfectionist, polite and hard-working, apparently. tbh this thing is super shifty, no source seems to agree on the meaning of each type and, of course, it's a pseudoscience and all, so... yeah. take it as you will)
He's studying Software Engineering
He likes cakes
He dislikes cockroaches
He plays games and programs in his free time
So... We don't know much. He's the most generic person ever. Like... I too, and half the world's population, like cake, dislike cockroaches and like to play games. It's not exactly very special. Which is exactly why he is so intriguing. After all, we had 5 whole episodes so far, which were just the backstory of the people we see together in the mansion in the present. We've seen their personalities, their qualities and flaws, what they did and what they didn't do. We've been given a reason as to why they're here. Not just in the more direct sense of "they agreed to come here for Jin's goodbye party" but of why exactly they needed to be put all together in these conditions for this story. All except White. White is just... Barely an afterthought. We're shown when he comes into this story for the group (when he becomes Tee's boyfriend), but we're not given a reason so far as to why the narrative wants him there.
Because, sure, IRL people sometimes end up in random places and things can be pretty meaningless but this is a work of fiction. One that, evidently, has been greatly focused on details (Non's framed apple picture and Phee eating an apple alone, for example, or the correlation between the group and the colour blue). So why would it just throw us a character that is, seemingly, irrelevant to the story?
And to this, there are 2 possibilities my friends: either White is a narrative tool to get to the audience or White is not who we think he is. So let's explore it, shall we?
White = Narrative Tool
Let's start by assuming, possibly the most likely outcome, that White is exactly just a guy who ended up there due to his connection to Tee. Why would this narrative need that character?
Glad you asked. Because he's the only person who's 100% innocent. If he's just some guy who, as we've seen, keeps being respectful and nice and trying to always do the right thing, then he's got nothing to do with the others who, in different degrees are all guilty of something. He's the odd one out.
Because, yes, this is not a show of villains (at least, not in which concerns the main characters). They're all morally grey. But they have some drop of black that makes them grey.
Por is arrogant and a liar and selfish.
Tee is aggressive and manipulative and a control freak.
Top is an overall asshole and a coward.
These 3 actively bully Non. Por steals his work. Tee and Top blame him for shit he didn't do which puts in the situation where he owns Por and they spy on him. Tee manipulates him into mafia money laundry and threatens him.
Fluke is selfish and refuses to take action even when he knows it's the right thing to do.
Jin's doesn't have the capability to realize that the peaceful passive way with which he normally carries himself with won't solve the issue. Plus he's overly emotional. And a bit selfish too.
They didn't help Non when it was their moral obligation to do so. And Jin records him being abused by their teacher and possibly posts it online (though that's still up for debate).
Phee is too stubborn and also overly emotional and even overly empathic.
New is obsessive and vengeful.
Phee never really helps Non because all the ways he offers Non help are the wrong ones. He almost tries to control him. And he fails. And then he tells him awful things and breaks up with him in a terribly vulnerable moment for Non. And even when he regrets it and tries to bring justice to him, he fucks Jin because he wanted to and tries to cover it up as if it was part of the plan. Sure, they were broken up, technically, but Phee himself seems to have had "take-backies" over that breaking up. So, in his mind, at least, it's fair to say he cheats on him, which is very hypocritical after how he reacts to Non being abused. And New... He tries to help sincerely because he feels guilty but he only makes things worse. Nothing is solved and their father curses them both before committing public suicide at their mom's funeral.
Non (which may be even more relevant if he's still alive) is overly independent and uncommunicative.
He doesn't tell Jin he has a boyfriend when it's clear Jin's trying to make a move on him, event though Non's not interested. He hides very important things from Phee. He commits fraud (understandably, but yeah). And yeah, he's justified in his rage and attack but... Does he ever think of how his actions affect other such as Jin, for example, who, in his eyes, is innocent? Not really.
"Oh but White won't die!", I hear you say. "The innocent people never die in slashers!! Only the people who did the killer wrong do!" And that's exactly where I have to disagree.
So, amidst a sea of grey characters, White is, funnily enough: white. He's just good. He's done nothing wrong. And the narrative needs him because, when the others die, we'll feel (to different degrees, sure, but still, we will) that there's a reason. Even if we like the characters, those deaths will make sense. But what happens when an innocent man dies? What happens when you kill the man who wasn't even supposed to be there (he joined the trip at the last minute)?
As @syrena-del-mar says in this post: "DFF is more than just a 90s slasher film imitation". It "sits at a novel intersection of genre: horror slasher on the one hand and BL on the other hand" as @brifrischu puts it here and, for that, it bends expectations and rules and subverts what are natural tropes and events of the slasher archetype. White dying is the sort of thing this narrative, and our inventive genius Sammon, would do. Because... Do you really think they're giving us grey characters instead of black ones because we're supposed not to question this revenge? Because we're supposed to be happy about this? No. Of course not. That would be dumb. If we're meant to 100% side with the killer, then why give us likeable characters as the targets? Because, and this is as much speculation as it is reading the room, we're not.
This story, I don't know how it will end, but regardless I'm pretty confident it's supposed to tell us something important about cycles of violence: that they're neverending until someone chooses peace instead. That aggression and bloodshed and revenge... They won't bring time back, they won't undo the mistakes we make, they won't restore that which is lost, they won't make the grief go away... That they won't make us feel better. More even: that they will only hurt more people, create more injustice and prompt more revenge. And, thus, perpetuate the cycle.
So what's White's role? Being the final drop into our collective cup of realization (and perhaps the characters' as well) that this revenge mission is pointless and won't solve anything. White's role is to die.
"Oh, but uncle Dang was also innocent! Is his death not enough??", I hear you ask. And well... Maybe, maybe not. I think, honestly, his death is too impersonal for us to feel too deeply about it. Like, sure, yes, it is the death of an innocent, but it's a distant innocent. It doesn't make our blood boil because we don't know shit about that man. But, for all we don't know of White's past, we've seen him cry, we've seen him scared, we've seen him fight for his life, we've seen him be a good boyfriend and a good friend. He might just be some dude but we like him. He's the fandom's babyboy, as I said. It is more impactful and it tells the story better.
But this is just a hypothesis. And it might not convince you. And that's fair. So, because I'm a persistent obnoxious fucker with a little too much free time, I'm bringing you a second theory. For this one, though... You might need a little tinfoil hat... Be prepared.
White ≠ Who He Says He Is
So, if you think just having a character be hollow and pure good in a show of very fleshed-out and grey characters is weird, even if he might be narratively relevant, then we can only assume there's something important to White's character we don't know about yet. (I'm adding this in retrospective because I forgot but this idea came to me partially from @yellingaboutkp and their great analysis of horns in the show that you can find here)
But what could that be? We've seemingly seen all the flashbacks we needed from everyone, White doesn't seem very relevant to anyone's storyline but Tee's but... We'd assume if there was something directly connected to Tee's actions and White that we needed to see, we would've. Admittedly, the next episode seems to be on its way to tell us what Tee knows about what happened to Non and Keng while they were captured by the mafia and he could be there but I think, honestly, that it goes deeper than that. And here's why: because there's a person who's even more of an odd one out then White: whoever Perth's character is.
Now, he would've been completely unsuspicious if it wasn't for one thing: Perth's presence in the promotion of this series. He's just... Always there, somehow? Like, his character has only really appeared last episode massaging Tee's uncle but he's constantly talking about this series. Plus, his name is very well credited. AND, the absolute cherry on top, his character appears in THIS poster:
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Now, yeah, I understand Marketing and Publicity (it's part of my Master's, you don't have to explain it to me). So, I know this could very well just be a strategy to sell the series. After all, Perth did get a lot of attention after The Hidden Character, I know, I know. It's also a way to put his name out there for other future roles, kinda like a soft launch. Plus, this is the show that killed Us's character first when he was one of the most popular actors in the cast. HOWEVER, I'd argue that, considering the previously mentioned attention to detail, they would not have given one of their rising stars a role in this series if it wasn't important. Like... No other background character without lines (so far) was given an important actor to play it. So pardon me, but I don't buy it. Perth's character's gotta matter somehow. And, back to what I was saying, I think the next episode will be exactly where.
See, I made a poll here on the hellsite asking what y'all think happened to Non. It's this one. And it shows that, overwhelmingly, we all think Non is alive BECAUSE he was helped by the man himself:
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"Okay, Dante, but, even if that's true, where does White fit in all this?" Glad. You. Asked.
Now, if we're assuming Perth's character's the one that's gonna help Non (and possibly Keng or maybe not, idk and it really doesn't matter for now), we've gotta assume he's a possible suspect for the murderer. And even more so under this optic that Non is alive. Who more than a person whose whole reality seemed to be the mafia and who might've escaped it would be okay with murdering people? Right? Or, on the contrary, that he took a liking to Non and is trying to prevent him from further digging himself a hole in life and is trying to save him from himself.
You see, I didn't watch The Hidden Character (and those who did apparently recommend it stays that way). I didn't know any of these people before except those who were in Kinnporsche. And you know what that led me to? Curiously enough, dear reader: confusing Fuaiz with Perth. So, yeah, you know where this is going... White and Perth's character might be related. Brothers, probably.
"All because you think they look alike?" Well, if you ignore the way I just explained how it would tie some very loose ends... Yeah, kinda. BUT, in my defence, it makes a lot of genetic sense.
See, no other characters in the show really look this much alike. Believe me, I tested it.
For this purpose, I tried many different sites but the one that seemed to give me the most reliable results was FaceShape. Most characters got no more than 10%, some even got 0% (e.g. New and Perth's Character). And you wanna know how much White and Perth's character got? Nearly 50%.
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For comparison reasons, New and Non who are CANONICALLY brothers, got about 30%.
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BUT, if this is not convincing enough, my sister and I (who share EXACTLY the same 2 parents) got lower than them.
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(pls ignore the picture, I was trynna make it as accurate as possible so I took a front pic with a neutral expression. also, my sister is censored for privacy reasons)
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Now... Will I claim this is irrefutable proof? No. Not at all, but think about it: if White and Perth are related that might maybe explain how Tee and White met. It might also explain that really weird scene in the pre-release trailer (albeit all scenes in that are rather odd) where White-
Yes, thank you, Obi-Wan. And Anakin Tee is looking up at him, as if White has more power than Tee does. Because then, it could probably mean that White knows something and is probably there to do something. What exactly? Idk, man. He could be there to ensure the group remains clueless/confused or that they remain where they need to be for things to work... Or he could be there to try and prevent stuff from happening much to the likeness of what I stated for Perth's character's case.
"Oh, but if he knows something, wouldn't he know what happened to Non? Why would he be curious to watch the recording??"
Well, not necessarily. We know Non is not communicative and that he doesn't typically share his problems with anyone (the exception being Keng, obviously, but then again, the exception confirms the rule). And sure, Keng might be more talkative but idk if he would say something if Non asked him not to. I have a feeling he probably wouldn't (since he has that weird thing JJ mentioned about how he "loves Non" and, therefore, even if he's an abuser, he doesn't perceive himself that way and wouldn't do something he actively thinks would hurt Non). So, while Perth's character would know what happened to Non while he was being held by Tee's uncle and even some things about why he is there, he probably wouldn't know the rest.
But then why would he date Tee? Well, this is a narrative so... Foils are something that can happen. Having White and his relationship with Tee be a parallel to that of Phee and Jin is not weird and, in fact, has happened in the very first episode when both couples arrive at the room where the singles are, in pairs. Therefore, it wouldn't be weird to think of White as someone who maybe also fell in love with the guy that was supposed to be a means to an end or, alternatively, and perhaps more interestingly, have White NOT be in love with him and actually succeed, unlike Phee. Thus, drawing the comparison that, while Tee and White are in a relationship, White didn't fall in love and, inversely, while Phee and Jin aren't in a relationship, Phee did fall in love.
And this would mean that all we've seen of White's fear might, in fact, be an act to throw suspicion off of him. Or even more justified because he knows exactly what's lurking in the woods... After all, why would he suddenly join Jin's goodbye party if he's not a friend of Jin's? What reason better than to tag along your boyfriend's getaway with his friends if not to protect him from the terrible consequences of his actions?
But I get it. It's an extremely convoluted theory and, in all honesty, maybe makes the show more dull and boring if it's true because... Why would they repeat this "secret brother" twist? Or the dating with second intentions trope? It could be a narrative parallel, yes, but I can also definitely see how people could point that out as uncreative or lazy writing.
Either way: these thoughts were circling around my head and, before the next episode confirms or destroys them, I wanted to get them out into the world for y'all to, maybe, hopefully, join in on the hype for it, as it's less than 24h 'till it airs. Hope in that I was successful, at the very least.
Anyway... As usual feel free to (politely) argue with me, tell me I'm wrong, tell me I missed this and that, add to it, etc... Because if there's one thing I currently love more than DFF itself, it's definitely the fandom and I want us to make the most of it!!
I'll see y'all tomorrow when we're freaking out about episode 10!!!
All the love! 💜💜💜
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we-stan-cale · 2 months
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I have enjoyed some of the TCF reaction fics, but I feel like there's a major problem.
Namely, that it's really hard for fic writers to stay motivated for over 700+ chapters, so it feels like they all start off strong for the beginning (especially rescuing Raon) and then peter out. We never get to the really good stuff.
Never reach that flashback when Cale reads the letter from the GoD, or see reactions to Choi Han rushing over to see Kim Rok Soo after getting Choi Jung Soo's records. Never have them see the Sealed God's test, and really... Post-apocalyptic Korea horrified Alberu, for good reason. Not that it's explicitly stated, but when is it ever? He had quite the reaction when he was trying to decide what to tell everyone else.
I've had some thoughts on how I would do it, but fair warning - I'm not much of a writer, and will probably never write it. All my respect for the ones that regularly write fanfic because I have like - less than a handful? Maybe, maybe, if I haven't moved on after finishing this reread, I'll try writing it myself.
The other thing is that I've been reading part 2 - only as far as eatapplepies has translated as I find mtl more confusing than helpful - and I'm really liking the Heavenly Demon. He seems to have fallen for our Cale pretty hard, and I'm interested in seeing how that goes.
So I have been playing around with ideas.
First - Dodam is trying to find 'that terrible bastard', and is dragging around his Choi Han.
He reaches Korea. Og!Cale as KRS, specifically. He has his own attribute, one to help him track down Cale, so he can pull up visions/memories related to that.
He pulls up the dream meeting between Cale and KRS.
There are a few team 1 members present, particularly Kim Minh Ah. Cue a bit of chaos, some 'aha' moments, and the long and the short of it is Dodam is going to pull up some of just what they're team leader is up to. (And if Dodam can figure out exactly which world or dimension to to next, and OG! Cale gets the bittersweet ability to see how his deal with the God of Death prevented the destruction he'd lived through, well... That's fine too)
During that brief moment, the Henituse noticed some strange mana fluctuations and managed to get Rosalyn there. She's basically able to tap into the feed and see and hear what's going on.
And divine intervention (like perhaps a god of love) extends the feed to the Heavenly Demon.
What would follow would be an abbreviated version of the key points. Sure, it loses some of the flavor... But we don't actually need, say, the amusing anecdote where an elf mistook Cale for a dragon.
Anyways, the more I thought about it the more I thought about how team 1 would react.
Because the minute they see those monster statues you know they'll all be going 'what the fuck?!?'
They will probably also nod knowingly at some of Cale's more shocking plans. Like hey, there he goes agreeing to help the Mogoru Empire put out the fire he started with the Whipper kingdom.
Nod, nod
Just like he did when they were dealing with that one corrupt guild
And if they ever get as far as seeing the Heavenly Demon, I'm sure one team member will be like 'Is.. is he flirting with Team Leader-nim?!?'
Cue stories where Team Leader Kim Rok Soo avoided a honeypot - except now they're thinking maybe he was just too dense to notice?
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don-daygamerz · 1 year
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Long Way For Love
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Ben Barnes x Reader
Requested by: @marimorena06
Request: Heyy!What about a friends to lovers with ben Barnes? ❤
Warnings: some swearing (I think), descriptions of intimacy (not smut just major fluff)
Word count: 4.4K
Italics - thoughts
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Love occurs in many ways. It can happen on the brightest days or the stormiest nights. It can happen on purpose or by accident. It can even happen through gain or loss. Love is a powerful and enigmatic feeling. It can either build you or destroy you. But did you know that love can sometimes not happen instantly? Yeah…Love can take its sweet time to even be realized. That’s what this story is about. And it began with a young man and a young woman.
The young man was named Benjamin Thomas Barnes but Ben Barnes in short. Catchy right? (It even made the woman blush just thinking about it) And our young fair maiden who would soon be the object of Ben’s affections was none other than (Name) (Middle name) (Surname). Ben had thought to himself of what a sweet name she had…beautiful, actually. The two first met on the set of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian’. (Name) was an aspiring actress and had landed the role of Selene, sorceress, and protector of Narnia. The two instantly connected and were a great support to one another.
They immediately became fast friends and were happy to share some interests and acting tips through their experiences. Ben was always happy to share with (Name) their love of literature, the classics, art, music, poetry, and so much more.
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“So you’re telling me you lied about knowing how to horse ride?” (Name) gave him a shocked but inquisitive look after hearing his confession. The man in question became bashful and wanted the couch he was sitting on to swallow him whole. Why did he have to tell the pretty girl he lied about being a pro at horse riding?
“I wouldn’t say I lied…”
“Oh boy…ha ha ha…I’d like to hear this,” (Name) chuckled at her companion. She needed to hear his hilarious excuse as to what made him think he could get away with such a ‘dark’ secret.
“Ok, ok. Shush…Don’t you want to hear the actual truth?” he asked her.
“You’re right. My apologies, your highness. I did not mean to disrespect you in the slightest,” she said to him in her best posh British accent while giving a mock bow. Which was not bad at all. (Name) was not only an aspiring actress but also dabbled in some voice acting. That was one of the things that fascinated Ben. She was so talented.
After her little antic, Ben could not help but playfully roll his eyes at her. “Anyway…As I was saying,” he continued, “I did not exactly lie…exaggerate is more like it…”
“Oh yeah! You sure did exaggerate it! Ha ha! You basically preached it is what I was told when you did the auditions, ha ha ha!” Ben’s face turned red hearing her say this but he couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face. He thought her laugh was cute and funny…wait, did hear a snort?
“Alright, then when was the last time you rode?”
“Umm… Last I rode a horse was when I was little…”
“Little how old?”
“Seven or eight, give or take.”
“Benjamin Barnes! You need proper lessons! My god! You’re lucky you made it this far! What if you got hurt?!” she chided him but out of concern after hearing the rest of his truth. Ben just smiled at how worried she became. (Name) was the nurturing type among the cast members. She deeply cared for every single one of them including him.
“I’m alright now, aren’t I?”
“Luck may be your friend right now but there’s no telling when she’ll turn tail and stab you in the back…Uh, Uh, No. You need thorough practice, Mister.” She began to lecture him sternly. Ben was smart, without a doubt, but he was also stubborn.
“I am practicing.”
“Walks and trots are not enough. There are scenes where we have to ride the horses at a much quicker pace. You have to master the canter and gallops.” She was right. He just felt lost and confused at this point. “But not to worry…there’ll be an instructor and specialist. Including me.”
“You? I didn’t peg you for an equestrian.”
“One thing in life you shouldn’t underestimate is how cartoons can influence a child’s decisions and life choices,” she explained to him animatedly. Ben laughed at her delightful nature as she gave him a cute and innocent answer to how she gained the skill.
“Are you serious? You have to be joking,” he leaned in close while placing his elbows on his lap. Ben sat on the couch alone while (Name) opted to sit crisscross applesauce on the carpeted floor by the coffee table.
“Dead serious, my good sir!” she said haughtily to her dashing co-star as she sipped from her glass of wine. Ben just kept chortling after hearing how his ‘new-found’ friend committed to learning a dangerous and tough skill such as horse riding just from watching a cartoon show.
“And, pray tell what animated television show was it that influenced such a young mind to study a perilous skill that is horse riding? Strangely I have a feeling I know what kind of show it is…” he grinned at her mischievously. Both the actors just loved to rile each other up in fits of laughter and joy. (Name) chuckled under her breath before looking up and dead straight into his eyes.
“It was My Little Pony.”
“My Little Pony! Ha ha yes! Girls in my primary school days loved that show.”
“All girls either dreamed to be an equestrian or a magical horse… for me I think it was both.”
Learning these silly things about his ‘newfound’ friend and co-star felt like an interesting and thrilling adventure. He felt like an explorer having discovered something new and exciting. Ben didn’t take into account how he could connect and share with a person like (Name). He was normally reserved but (Name) allowed him to open himself and be at ease.
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So yeah that’s how it started with the two. (Name) and Ben started off as friends…good friends actually. It was saddening to know that both actors will have to look elsewhere for open roles in upcoming films/tv shows. But that didn’t diminish their hope of losing their friendship nor contact with one another. From there, they made promises to keep in touch and send support anytime, anywhere. Ben was delighted with how things were going for him in the film industry. He had come a long way and studied hard. He began with minor roles and dabbled in music, and finally, his talent and skills were recognized.
As for our lovely (Name)? Things were also looking good for her as well. Her performance (though a minor role she had played) in Narnia astonished viewers…critiques and gave way to more opportunities for the young actress. Busy schedules, signings, interviews, making appearances, promotion of brands, and so on; this was just the beginning for the two rising but underrated stars. Not at all did it dwindle their connection…only made it stronger. All in all, they always made the time to call one another.
At the start, it was a friendship, yes. But it became more personal for the two. Secrets were shared. Families and siblings were introduced. Insecurities were confessed to one another. A lot of meaningful things were made between Ben and (Name). It was obvious to everyone around them including their families that the two were meant to be. The Barnes family adored (Name) for her selfless and kind nature towards their eldest son. And the (Surname) family was grateful to Ben for looking after their daughter in the film industry. The Barnes were also thankful for how she was patient and respectful of their son’s nature.
You know…when (Name) was first introduced to his family, they actually had mistaken her for his girlfriend. Their chemistry was good…really good that it really misguided them into believing that they were dating. But Ben’s mother knew him well. He was deeply infatuated with her. And he didn’t even know it. After a nice hearty meal in the Barnes household, Mrs. Barnes didn’t have to look further through her analytical eyes as she gazed upon her son talking so animatedly with the sweet girl.
From then on, she’d come to the conclusion that this young lady right here sitting before her was meant to be with her son. Another thing to add, the woman wasn’t getting any younger…she wanted some grandbabies.
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Support was given, secrets were shared, jokes were exchanged, and so much more. The friendship grew and strengthened, and it became apparent in the eyes of everyone how Ben and (Name) adored one another. But it became so frustrating how neither one of them took the initiative to confess to one another. Yeah, they liked each other, without a doubt. Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement so let me clarify it, Ben and (Name) genuinely loved each other (secretly and unknowingly).
However, despite the close relationship they held, they still both led different lives and hence went on different paths. (Name) would be occupied in some part of the US for a TV series and Ben would be in another part of the US in a studio working on his movie. All in all, they were busy with their schedules, interviews, and promotions.
In addition, Ben was a dashing and charming fellow so it was no surprise he was not single most of the time. He would date different girls here and there. Some he met through mutual friends and some he worked with. The relationships didn’t last long but (Name) felt she could not compare to these beautiful and striking women that caught her best friend’s eye.
Now she didn’t think less of herself. No, not one bit. She loved herself and all that she was. Her attitude was basically ‘Fuck you! My body, my choice, and besides I doubt you can handle all this!’ Oh yeah, total badass. But the point was she felt she could never fit herself in Ben’s heart. Of course, there would be some insecurities like; Was she not enough? Will she ever be enough? Does he ever see her as beautiful? Do you think he would feel the same way as she did about him?
I guess she would never know. So she lets fear cloud her thoughts and convinces her to bury those feelings deep inside and lock them away. It was better this way, she would tell herself, better to hide than leave with a broken heart and a destroyed friendship.
As for Ben’s case, he was also cooped up with his own schedule and the interviews but he always had something occupying his mind or rather someone. That, someone, was, of course, (Name). Why? Well, he wondered if she was doing okay... if she got the role she was auditioning for... if she got the package he sent her... or if was it too much. He did recall how much she enjoys candy from the UK, so he thought why not send her a box of candy.
His head wasn’t just occupied with her but his heart too. Ben couldn’t ignore how fast his heart was beating at the thought of (Name). Even with all women he has dated in his life, he always compared them to her. She was everything they weren’t. She was everything that he looked for in a woman. She was just everything and he loved it.
Yes, Ben Barnes was deeply infatuated with (Name) (Surname). And that infatuation would remain a secret for… who knows how long. Ben didn’t want to risk the chance of getting rejected and losing their friendship altogether. He couldn’t imagine losing her. He would not dare be reckless with his feelings either. But deep down… Ben wishes (Name) would one day return his feelings, so, in the meantime, he’ll just keep it all inside whilst he cherished his time with (Name) as being her best friend.
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One of the many things both the actors shared their love and joy in, was celebrating the holidays. Sure at first, these special occasions would be celebrated with close loved ones such as their families and long-time childhood friends. But it had gotten to a point in their lives that their friendship became…how to describe it…wholesome? Amazing? Fun? No, it was UNIQUE.
Ben and (Name) may have had their own circles of friends and companions but when it came to just the two of them…Things were just different really. But in a good way. And with how their friendship felt ‘unique’, many of their cherished moments included sharing some of the holidays.
It was late December but only one day before Christmas Eve. The sky was dim and cloudy as a shower of snowflakes descended upon the white blankets that covered mother earth. Our beloved (Name) (Surname) was currently settled in Ben’s humble abode and getting comfortable in the kitchen. Earlier, the young lad had received word that his old friend, (Name), was in his area and without a moment to lose nor a chance to forgo, called the actress to come over and celebrate the holiday with him.
Well, actually in truth, it may have slipped out as they were catching up over the phone. It started off as a light conversation. (Name) had come to England very early December to visit her cousin and attend an engagement party. During their chat, Ben had thought to himself of how it would be wonderful if she spent the winter holiday with him for the first time. What he hadn’t realized then was that he had voiced out his own thought. Of course, (Name) heard him. She said yes after all. What neither could tell as they spoke on the phone was how Ben was so flushed and red in the face, and how (Name) could not stop smiling to the point her cheeks hurt.
The two were filled with giddiness and glee at the prospect of spending this merry occasion with one another.
(Name) had taken up the duty of baking and was now occupied with rolling the cinnamon-sprinkled dough while mischievous and quite secretive Ben was trying to be sneaky in licking the sugary frosting. He was excited to finally eat some of his friend’s food once again. It was always a treat for him when (Name) pulled out her cooking skills and introduced her ethnic foods to him. It was actually both a treat and a learning experience for him.  
A fond memory to look back on was the first time they cooked together 9It was the first time (Name) had been to his home. She was so flustered that day but happy nonetheless that Ben was opening himself to her. It made their friendship so genuine). (Name) had quite the adorable shocked look on her face when she realized her British BFF did not always season his food properly. Well, he did. Just only salt and pepper. And if he felt like going crazy then a dash of paprika.
“Seriously? That’s a dash? More like dandruff,” she had teased him but he would pipe back saying, “I can’t help it! Don’t judge me!”
“You’re lucky you have me at your side, you uncultured Brit. That palate of yours needs some awakening. You, my handsome fellow need to have a taste of flavor!”
“You think I’m handsome?” he smirked at her which made her blush profusely.
“Ah-ah don’t change the subject! I’m here to teach you and you will thank me in the future.” Nice save, (Name), way to draw his attention away from that compliment you blurted out.
Then again, now that she looked at him closely. Ben was really handsome. He had such an adorable, infectious smile, dark alluring eyes, smooth luscious hair (which she envied so much, I mean have you seen his hair?!), and those lips…so pink, so soft, and kissable- ‘What the hell is wrong with me?! I can’t have these kinds of thoughts about my best friend! Not even, Ben!’
(Name) never saw Ben for his looks but for his personality. She found him to be kind, brilliant, humble, compassionate, caring, genuine, and… gosh, she could go on and on about the great things she sees in him. In the end, (Name) could not deny the truth…and the truth was that she was falling harder for the young actor, day by day.
“You feeling alright, love?” Ben interrupted her train of thought. Seems like she was spaced out there as her mind walked through memory lane. Now back to the present, (Name) looked back to the man that held her heart without his knowledge, and… Wait a second! Is that white frosting at the corner of his lip?! All of a sudden, (Name) boldly swiped her thumb at the corner of his lips picking the bit of frosting and bringing it into his line of sight to playfully reprimand him for his actions.
This caught Ben off guard and brought sweet chills down his back when (Name) touched him briefly. But then his eyes saw how she grumpily looked at him like he was a wanted criminal. God, did she look so adorable. He almost laughed at how she pouted so cutely like an angry chipmunk.
“Ha ha, you caught me,” he told her with hands slightly raised in surrender.
“Mhm, seriously, Barnes. What am I going to do with you?” she questioned him.
“Love me unconditionally? Cuz I think we’re low on frosting…” he trailed off nervously with a mischievous grin on his face that showed no regret in his actions. (Name)’s eyes widened slightly and looked to the bowl that held the concoction of her grandmother’s frosting.
“Ooh you dang little Brit…” she then dabbed her frosting coating thumb on his nose which made him chuckle at her reaction. “Oh well, I wouldn’t say little…” Ben replied naughtily going off perversely which made the woman blush at the thought of it which made the man chortle at her embarrassed reaction.
“Oh-Oh-you… You know what, out! Out! I need to finish this before your parents come over!”
“Are you seriously kicking me out of my kitchen?!” he laughed.
“Yes, yes I am! Because somebody keeps eating the ingredients!”
Ben just kept laughing as he let her push him out through the kitchen door but then paused as he looked up. “Oh look, mistletoe,” he pointed out. This caused (Name) to halt her movements and look up as well. And indeed, there was a mistletoe hanging at the entrance of the kitchen door. Huh, how did she miss that? Suddenly there was a stillness in the air as they both had come to the realization of what being under the mistletoe meant.
Ben’s thoughts of kissing (Name) right there and now but the risk of ruining the friendship and making things awkward between the two caused him to reel in the chance of doing so. He deeply cared for her and he would never dare try to drive her away nor scare her because he held feelings for her. He turned his body towards her and saw her staring at the mistletoe in deep thought and wonder.
She looked back at him and immediately their eyes connected. And suddenly, the world around them began to disappear and it was just them and them alone. It felt like being in a foggy dream. Ben and (Name) stood before each other staring at each other for long until Ben spoke, “Shou-should we… you know...” he barely formed his sentence but (Name) was quick to understand what he meant.
Hold on! Did Ben perhaps gesture that they commit the mistletoe tradition?! Was he serious?! So many thoughts ran through the woman’s mind. “I-I mean… It is tradition… I-If that’s what you want…” she herself found it hard to speak as well. Here she was, in front of the man that held her heart and the way he was looking at her... His face and expression held such a soft, sweet, loving, captivated look.
They coincidently held a reoccurring thought… ‘If I do this… there’s no turning back.’ Their faces then leaned in closer till they could feel each other’s warm breaths and signature perfumes. Ben smelt sweet yet woody whilst (Name) smelt fruity and fresh. Not too long did their lips collide and a passionate feeling burst between the two.
As their lips touched, they went back to recall all of their relationships and past experiences of kissing other people… none of them could compare to what they were doing. Ben felt so happy right then and there that he pushed himself to kiss the girl he’s always dreamed about and (Name) felt other bliss being in Ben’s arms as his lips caressed hers. He was tender yet passionate. The two had to pull away to regain oxygen and finally face the reality of the situation they put themselves in. As they pulled away from one another, Ben still kept his arms around (Name) while she had hers around his neck.
It had dawned on them that their kiss was so… real and intimate that their bodies were brought closer till they were intertwined. Ben began to smile and chuckled which confused (Name) and at the same time scared her into thinking Ben was playing for her fool but what he said next changed everything.
“I- I’m not going to lie and say that wasn’t the best I’ve had since ever…I-I don’t regret what I’ve done, (Name), I don’t,” he confessed to her seriously. She began to pipe in but Ben placed his finger on her lips to give him a moment to finish what he started. “Let me explain, please…” She nodded back and let him continue.
“I don’t regret kissing you, (Name). Not one bit. In fact, I’ve been dreaming since the moment I met you to kiss you… but not what we did back when we filmed Narnia… but out here… in real life… I’ve always held feelings for you, for so long. Too long, actually. I love the way smile, the way you laugh and cry at cat videos…”
That last bit made (Name) giggle for it was true. She both loved and nurtured felines. Ben smiled at her reaction and it gave him the boost of confidence to further his confession.
“…I love how spontaneous you are, how smart… and talented you are, it’s amazing what you’re really capable of, and I really admire that about you… I am in love with you, (Name) (Surname).” He finally said the last part he craved to tell her for years throughout their friendship yet it came out shakily as he feared her reaction to his confession.
But wait…was she…smiling at him and…were those tears?! Oh no! Did Ben screw up their friendship?!
“Ha ha… oh Ben… and here I thought I was the only fool in love with their best friend…” she cried happily to him. Ben let out a huge breath of relief. He smiled through his own tears back at her as he cupped her face to wipe off her tears that trailed down her cheeks. She was too beautiful to cry even though they were happy tears.
“I love you, Ben Barnes. Always have, haha. My god, it’s really happening! I love the way your eyes light up when you- when you’re happy, I love the way you laugh, I love you’re enviously but beautiful hair… God! For a man that uses one product for every part of his body, he still looks good!”
Ben began to laugh uncontrollably at her comment about his hair. (Name) would sometimes mention how it was unfair that men would only have to rely on one product to apply on all parts of the body and yet come out smoother than a baby’s bottom.
“…what it’s true! Anyway, where was I… ah yes, the hair. Love your hair, I also love your passion for music, in fact, I love how you sing Ben…”
Now, this caught him off guard. Ben had been open to her about his dream to one day release his own music but he didn’t think (Name) believed in him.
“You are so talented, so smart, so authentic, so… you’re amazing Ben. I wish you would see yourself the way I see you… And that’s why I love you,” she gave her confession.
Ben was left awestruck by her words and just like always she always left him speechless. “It took us a long time to tell this to each other…” he said to her breathlessly.
“Years of agony of loving in the dark and the fear of rejection… it’s over… I can finally show you my affections in the open, right?” she asked him.
Ben tucked in a stray strand of her luscious locks that smelled of lavender before looking deep into her eyes, “No more hiding. It’s all out in the open.”
“So what’s next?” She was now confused and felt no need to leave the warmth of his embrace, “What does this mean for us?” (Name) wanted to understand further about the change of their relationship and all the changes that would come with it.
“It means… that we become what we’ve always wanted… more than friends…”
“I like that but… what if things ever go south…”
“Not possible,” he said it in an earnest tone.
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because you’re all I’ve been looking for all along.” This made her smile and she leaned into his arms as they hugged like two long-lost lovers who finally found each other once again.
“Ha ha ha, Hah! I love you, Sirius Black,” she said to him playfully.
“You are never going to cease to let me live that down, are you?” he rolled his eyes at her.
“Nope!”
It wasn’t that long ago when Ben learned that Harry Potter fans imagined him or declared him to be the young Sirius Black of the Marauders fandom. Not only that, he was one time asked to take pictures with a Gryffindor tie.
“You can also be quite cheeky, huh. But that’s what I love about you… Sundance…” he said the last part with a smirk that caught her off guard.
“How did you-?!”
“How could I forget that My Little Pony manipulated you into becoming an equestrian… and you only get Sundance merch, ha ha ha.”
“Ahh!”
“What?! It’s adorable!”
Yup, those two were meant to be.
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Author's note:
Hi @marimorena06 I really want to say I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for your request to be fulfilled. I'm aware you gave your request last year (2021) on November. I thought I was confident in taking requests but was overwhelmed with the list of replies (I'm not mad). I'm disappointed in myself in being slow but I'm happy to finally be done with all the requests that were sent to me. Though I think you deserve all of my sincerest apologies for having to wait the longest. So I decided to put all of my mind and heart into this fic and spice it up with so much love, details, short stories, and some humor.
It took me long and hard but I managed. I've come to the realization I don't do well with deadlines so I'm taking a break from accepting requests until I'm a pro at this. All those fandom writers who deal and accept with a lot of tumblr fic requests have my deepest respect. I only had a few and I barely managed. I didn't want to disappoint, I had writer's block many times, I was busy at home, looking for jobs (it is so hard to find), I was so sick (I'm not saying I had the hardest time), and my laptop sucks (like really sucks... I've had it for nearly 10 years).
So my apologies to you and to everyone else that was anticipating this fic. I hope it meets your expectations and that it brings you joy. And again thank you for your request it was so sweet of you to ask me, a newbie, to bring your idea to life. You can request again once I'm available. Right now I'll be going through some changes and introducing new content. Thank you once again, I hope you had a good holiday and happy new year to you and everyone else. And thank you for the support.
Taglist:
@marimorena06 @itzzzzcookie @s0-theking @s1xthirty @sagejames @fromgreytoyellow @esther334 @airsummoner @memymfselfandi @gweaswift @supernaturallover2002 @veganismbymelaniecavill @eginv-blog @fakehappy27 @ivymiriiu @bruxa0007 @jessevans @maregomes @dxvanadeline @lorenshmidt @mandybug39 @lovesssss @enchantingeggslimepeanut @nana-licious @rheathesimp @darlingangel-17 @edithsvoice @lewisroscoelove @calimoi
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The Secret Exchange Diary of the Beauty and the Tyrant (His POV)
These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors. Not 100% accurate.
CW: Slightly Suggestive
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Emma: “Prince Silvio, would you like to exchange diaries?”
Silvio: “Ha?”
We were chillin’ out in bed after taking a bath together when Emma suddenly proposed an unexpected idea.
Emma: “We’ll show each other our diaries.”
Silvio: “Who would do something so embarrassing? I ain’t gonna do it.”
Emma: “You really think it’s embarrassing? Your voyage log is in a book, you know?”
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Silvio: “Those two are different things. I won’t do it even if you ask me to.”
(Her head is really full of such fantasies.)
Emma: “Fine.”
Not expecting me to disagree, she easily backed down.
Emma: “Then, it’s okay if I send you my diary alone, right?”
Silvio: “What’s your goal here?”
Emma: “It’s a secret.”
(I don’t get it.)
I could tell she was up to something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
(Never mind. If she’s satisfied with it, fine.)
Silvio: “You’re going to send it anyway, aren’t you? Fine, I'll go along with it.”
Emma: “Thank you!”
She giggled and hugged me around the waist.
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(I don’t really get how women think.)
Just like what she said, from that day on, she really did send me her diary.
Today I holed up in the castle's library to learn about the history and transition of Benitoite.
I've always known that the country is famous for its sea and trade. However, it was Prince Silvio's voyages that gave Benitoite the edge over other countries.
He had three major voyages in the past.
All of them were his greatest achievements that had already been compiled in history books.
My fiancée was really cool. I couldn't help but fall in love with him even more as I read about him in history books.
But what he achieved so far was not limited to voyages.
I'd like to know everything about him.
I might fall in love with him each time and suddenly want to hug him, but I hope he forgives me then.
(........)
(How can you write something so cringy?)
After reading her diary during my break, I closed it, and for some reason, my face wouldn't stop blushing.
It was so embarrassing that I almost jumped into the water but resisted and just ruffled my hair.
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(But what's in it for her by giving it to me?)
(It's not like she has anything special to tell me. If anything, it just makes me feel good.)
(This is like a love letter now. Ah, damn it.)
It was sickening as a trader to benefit from the diary alone because the principle in business is fair trade.
Receiving Emma’s diary alone wasn’t fair.
(If she's only giving this to make me write a diary, then that's quite impressive.)
She might be a sassy woman, but I didn’t think she would use this kind of tactic.
(No point dwelling on it. I just have to ask her.)
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Silvio: “Why do you want to exchange diaries?”
As soon as I finished my official duties, I stormed into her room and blurted out these words.
She was apparently studying hard, with a stack of history books on her desk.
She widened her eyes at my sudden visit, but stopped writing.
Emma: “I heard a rumor that you might be going on a voyage soon.”
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(You already heard about it, huh?)
It was just a minor voyage一one that would leave the castle empty for a few days. But despite knowing this, Emma didn’t look too happy.
Emma: “This is the first time I’m going to be separated from you here in Benitoite.”
Emma: "I know you often go sailing, and there'll be times when we won't be able to see each other in the future, so I thought if I wrote a diary, I'd miss you a little less."
Silvio: "I see..."
I ended up clutching my head and grunting.
(If that's the case, you should've said so from the start. Why can't you do something as cute as this?)
Silvio: "It wouldn't make sense if you were the only one writing the diary."
Emma: "That's not true."
Emma: "Just having my diary will make you remember me when you go on your voyage. Pretty wicked, huh?"
(What's so wicked about it, you idiot?)
I ruffled her hair messily in annoyance at her overwhelming cuteness.
Emma: "Are you mad?"
Silvio: "Why would I be mad?"
Emma: "Because it was pretty selfish."
Silvio: "*sigh* It's not even close to being selfish."
(To be honest, I was planning to take your diary without telling you.)
Emma: "Then why did you mess up my hair?"
Silvio: "I just feel like it."
Emma: "Don't mess it up just because you feel like it!"
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Silvio: "Shut up. I'm in the mood for this."
Now that I'd heard the reason, I couldn't bring myself to be embarrassed.
As I continued to mess up Emma's hair, I remembered again that no Benitoite businessman should ever break the most basic and important principle.
(It ain't my style, though.)
(Tch, I guess I don't have a choice.)
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A few nights later, I returned to my room after finishing my work and heard the sound of lively footsteps thumping from the corridor.
Emma: "Prince Silvio!"
Silvio: "!?”
The door swung open with a bang, and Emma jumped into my chest like a rabbit.
Without giving me a chance to react, she suddenly hugged me, causing my body to freeze in surprise.
Silvio: "How many times do I have to tell you not to startle me?"
Emma: "This is not the time for that!"
She moved away from me and held up a diary.
It was the diary I purposely left in her room when she wasn't there.
(I left it there because I couldn't stand to see it being read in front of me.)
Emma: "I didn't expect you to write it."
Emma: "The content一"
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Silvio: "Don't say it! Don't say it out loud!"
Emma: "I can't?"
Silvio: "You can't, you idiot."
(I want to get the hell out of here right now.)
Anticipating this, she blocked my way.
Emma: "Then let me tell you what I think of一"
Silvio: "I don't want any feedback!"
Emma: "I'll only say one short phrase."
I tried to cut off her words, but she quickly covered my mouth.
(This bitch...)
Emma: "I love you!"
I gulped, and my heart thumped loudly in my chest as I saw her face up close, beaming with delight.
Silvio: "You're getting carried away."
Emma: "Of course, I'd get carried away if I read that. It was like a love letter一"
This time, I put my lips on hers and took the words I couldn't bear to hear.
Silvio: "Don't say anything else."
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(I don't want to remember it.)
Every time she tried to speak, I kissed her lips and entwined my breath with hers.
I held her hips and felt a slight tremor in my palms as I deepened the exchange of our tongues.
(I won't let you say anything cheeky for a while.)
Just to be sure, I kissed her more deeply, and lewd wet noises echoed around the room.
I knew that if I did this, she'd be even more embarrassed than I was.
When I took everything away from her, Emma turned her teary eyes upward, her breath uneven.
Emma: "Are you embarrassed?"
Silvio: "So what if I am?"
Emma: "Nothing."
She only grinned and said nothing about what I did, which would normally make her blush and complain.
Silvio: "Are you sure you want to be smiling like that?"
(Is my diary really making you that happy?)
I pushed her against a nearby wall and put my knee between her legs.
When I forcefully shook her, I could see from her expression that her composure had vanished.
Emma: "W-What do you think you're doing!?"
Silvio: "If you humiliated me, it's only fair that you should be humiliated as well."
Emma: "Ngh…I didn't humiliate you."
Silvio: "You ain't convincing me."
I unbuttoned her blouse and forcefully pulled down her upper garments.
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As I mercilessly squeezed her exposed breasts, she began to moan.
(I was trying to keep you quiet, but if you keep making that kind of face, I wouldn't be able to hold back either.)
I lifted her skirt and continued to stimulate her directly with my knee.
When I smirked at the faint wetness I felt through my clothes, she noticed and looked away, blushing.
Emma: "Did you really hate the diary so much?"
Silvio: "If I really didn't like it, I wouldn't have done it."
I let out a small laugh, and despite her becoming somewhat disheveled, she laughed as well.
Emma: "Then, please stay with me for a little longer."
Silvio: "Ha?"
Emma: "Is that a no?"
(.........)
There was no way I could resist her request, seeing how she carefully held the diary.
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Silvio: "I'll go along with you as much as you want if this makes you that happy. Damn it."
Swearing, I hold Emma in my arms and lay her on the bed.
As I sank her into the bed, the diary slipped from her hands, its pages flipping open.
I'm off to the shipyard today for a meeting to discuss the new voyage.
I'd most likely be sailing in a few weeks at this rate.
I plan to return in a few days, but I kinda feel bad leaving you alone.
We'll use an unknown route this time, so the danger is uncertain. This is why I can't take you with me.
I'll be back as soon as I can because you seem to be more lonely than I thought.
As you know, I'm a businessman before I'm royalty.
I will probably go on less risky voyages as I take over the throne, but I don't intend to stop because Benitoite has made rapid progress by crossing rough seas and creating new trade routes.
My way of doing things is different from my old man's.
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I may make you lonely and worried, but I will spoil you when I can be with you.
I'll keep up with the diary, and if there's anything else you want me to do, just let me know.
I'll even do a few outlandish things for you.
I can't help but fall in love with you, too, every single day.
Fin.
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342 notes · View notes
no-one-anon · 11 months
Note
141 + Val finding out their s/o 'civilian ' is ex-mercenary
I like your writing so far btw keep it up 🤗🤗💖
Here ya go! <3
Notes: I personally don't like the writing I've done here - so I might go back to this, not sure I'll see if people agree with me ^^ Alejandro also gets uh.. pretty angsty- I was in a very angst mood when I decided to write him-
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141 + Val finding out their s/o 'civilian ' is ex-mercenary
-------------------------------------------------
Simon Ghost Riley:
Ghost and you have been dating for quite some time now. You've been through your fair share of ups and downs, but at the end of the day, your love for one another remains strong. Lately, you have been discussing about taking your relationship to the next level. You've even been talking about getting married. But as things start to get more serious between them, you have a secret that you've been keeping from him.
At this point, you know that it's time to come clean. You decide to sit down and talk to Ghost about your past. It's a difficult conversation, but you know that you need to be honest with Ghost if you're ever going to have a healthy relationship.
You take a deep breath and begin to tell Ghost about your time as a mercenary. You explain how you got recruited, the dangerous missions you were tasked with, and why you ultimately decided to leave the life behind. It's a lot for Ghost to take in, and he can tell that you were nervous about sharing all of this with him.
As you finish your story, Ghost takes a moment to process everything you've said. He knows that being a mercenary is a controversial and dangerous profession, and he wants to make sure he fully understands what your involvement in that life meant. He has a lot of questions, but he also reminds himself that your relationship is built on trust and honesty. He knows that this is a chance for you and him to have an open and honest conversation about your pasts and what you want for your shared future together.
Ghost finally speaks up, saying, "I appreciate you sharing all of that with me. It must have been hard for you to talk about, but I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me the truth. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what your past may be. And I hope that we can continue to have honest conversations like this in the future."
You only nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. You're grateful that Ghost was so understanding, and accepting.
John Soap MacTavish:
John was a hardened soldier, trained by the SAS and known for his bravery and skill in the field. He was an intense character, focused and determined, with little patience for those who did not share his dedication to duty. John had seen a lot in his life, both in terms of combat and personal experience, and he had developed a very strict moral compass over the years.
His current relationship with you was relatively new, but you both had hit it off right from the start. John was drawn to your wit and charm, and he appreciated your insight into things he had never thought about. You were a civilian, not a soldier, and John was intrigued by this. You were different from the women he had dated before, and he found this refreshing.
But things took a turn when you revealed your secret to John: you had once been a mercenary, and you had participated in some very controversial operations. You told John that you had left that life behind and was now a dedicated civilian.
This revelation was a shock to John. As a soldier, he was well-aware of the reputation that mercenaries had in the military community. He knew that their involvement in illegal activities and their disregard for human life was often seen as a major stain on their character. John's initial reaction was one of skepticism and scrutiny. He wanted to know exactly what you had done as a mercenary, and he wanted to understand why you had left that life behind.
You knew that your past was not something John would take lightly, and you were prepared to face his questions and concerns. You told John everything, from your first operation to your last. You were completely honest, even mentioning some of the darker moments you had experienced during your time as a mercenary. John listened carefully to your story, taking in every detail and thinking about what it all meant.
You had gone through a lot in your life, both as a soldier and as a mercenary, and you came out the other side with grace and humility. Although being honest to John. He felt th need to tell you that he wasn't sure how to feel about your past, but that he was willing to take the time to understand and process it. John was a man of duty, but also a man of compassion. He knew that everyone deserved a chance to make amends for their mistakes, and he wanted to give you that chance.
To your surprise, John told you that he was willing to continue their relationship, despite your past as a mercenary. He told you that he loved you for who you were now, and that he believed in your ability to change and grow. You were grateful for John's understanding, and felt a sense of relief wash over you.
From that day on, John and your relationship deepened and flourished. John respected you for your past, and he understood that it had made you the person you were today. You were also grateful for John's acceptance and support, and felt a sense of comfort knowing that you had a partner who believed in you.
Captain John Price:
Captain Price was no stranger to keeping a level head, but he couldn't deny the sense of irritation that crept into his voice as he confronted the person in front of him. You looked so innocent, so harmless, yet he had just discovered that you were far from it.
"You were a mercenary," Price stated bluntly, unable to hide his surprise. "And I had no idea."
"I didn't think you needed to know.." You replied sheepishly, looking down at the ground.
Price's eyes narrowed as he leaned in closer. "I'm your significant other, and you kept this information from me? Who were you working for? What kind of jobs did you do?"
You looked up at him, a small hint of fear in your eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. It's in the past."
Price wasn't convinced. "You don't just stop being a mercenary. There's always a reason why someone quits. And I want to know yours."
You sighed, realizing there was no escaping the interrogation. "I used to work for a private security company." You finally admitted. "But I got tired of all the violence and death."
Price nodded, his expression softening a bit. "I understand," he said, then added with a hint of sarcasm, "But I bet you were pretty good at your job."
You blushed slightly, remembering all the things you had done in the past. "I guess I was," you admitted reluctantly.
Price stared at you for a moment longer, trying to read your expression and gauge exactly how much of a threat you truly were. He knew that your past as a mercenary could impact your relationship, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to take on that kind of burden.
Finally, he let out a long breath, his eyes softer now. "Okay, let's leave the past in the past. Just promise me you won't go back to that life again."
You nodded silently, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. Price was always so logical and level-headed, and you sometimes felt like you couldn't keep up with him. But in that moment, you realized that you didn't have to be strong and independent all the time. You could lean on him, and he would catch you when you fell.
Kyle Gaz Garrick:
Kyle is a ruthless mercenary with no regard for the consequences of his actions. He's had a reputation for being aggressive and reckless on the battlefield, and was feared by both allies and enemies alike. He thought of the battlefield as a place to unleash his anger and frustration on his enemies, and didn't care about who got in the way of his goals.
But despite his ruthless nature, Kyle also had a softer side, one that he kept hidden from most people. He had a deep desire for a peaceful and stable life, with a family he could call his own. That's why he was so drawn to you, who was everything he dreamed of in a significant other. You were kind, loving, and had a gentle spirit that he found incredibly appealing.
But you had a secret that you kept hidden from Kyle. You were an ex-mercenary who had worked for the same organization as Kyle did in the past, before leaving to pursue a more peaceful life. You were proud of your past and the skills you had learned, but you didn't want to tell Kyle for fear that he would see you as a monster.
However, one day, Kyle accidentally stumbled upon evidence of your past as a mercenary. He was both surprised and intrigued, and couldn't help but admire your skills and abilities as a former mercenary. You were initially reluctant to talk about your past, but Kyle was persistent, and eventually, you opened up and shared some of your experiences with him.
Kyle found your stories fascinating and couldn't help but see you in a different light, as a fierce and capable person who could potentially help him in his own missions. The thought of having a former mercenary by his side was exciting, and he began to envision all the potential benefits that could come from this new knowledge.
But as Kyle began to explore this idea, he also started to worry about what this could mean for their relationship. He recognized that mercenaries were known for being ruthless and unpredictable, and he was unsure how this new knowledge would affect their dynamic as a couple.
He wondered if you had truly left you past behind or if there was still a part of you that craved the thrill and adrenaline of life as a mercenary. He was aware that you were no longer the person you were back then, and that you had left that life behind for a reason, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of unease about your past.
Despite these concerns, Kyle found himself unable to shake off the idea of having a former mercenary by his side. The potential benefits were too appealing, and the thought of having you with him on his missions was exhilarating. He decided to talk to you about his thoughts and concerns, and to his surprise, you were quite understanding and supportive of his concerns.
You admitted to Kyle that you sometimes missed the thrill and adrenaline of life as a mercenary, but that you had learned to control those impulses and was now a completely different person. You reassured him that you had left that life behind for good and that you loved him with all your heart.
Kyle was touched by your words, and he realized that he had always been too caught up in his own thoughts and emotions to truly hear and understand you. He saw that you were not just a former mercenary, but a complex and multifaceted individual with your own hopes, dreams, and emotions.
Alejandro Vargas:
"You're kidding, right?" Alejandro's voice was rough and raspy, laced with a mix of disbelief and anger as his face contorted into a scowl. "An ex-merc?"
He took a step back, his eyes narrowing, his mind racing with questions as he tried to reconcile the sweet, kind person he thought he knew with this shocking revelation. The betrayal was palpable, and he could feel the tension in the air, the weight of the words hanging heavy between them.
This person, who he had trusted implicitly, who he had shared his life with, had been keeping a secret, a secret that threatened to tear apart everything he thought he knew about you. Anger and betrayal warred with confusion and hurt, and he felt a fierce protectiveness rising within him.
His hands curled into fists at his sides, and he tried to temper his emotions, to keep a cool head and not let his anger get the best of him. But the anger was hot, like a fire burning within, and it was hard to control.
"I trusted you," he muttered, his voice low and hoarse, "I trusted you, and you've been lying to me this whole time." The words were like a knife, sharp and stinging, and he felt a twinge of guilt at your cruelty.
But it was too late for regrets, too late to take back the things he had said. The hurt was too deep, the pain too real, and he found himself unable to contain his anger any longer. He turned away with a shudder, unable to bear to look at you, unable to bear the sight of the person he thought he knew so well, the person who had betrayed him in such a profound way.
He stood in silence for a moment, his mind racing, torn between a fierce protectiveness and a deep-seated anger. Finally, he found his voice again, and his words were softer, but no less heartfelt.
He wanted to lash out, to yell, to scream, but he forced himself to remain calm, to speak rationally, even though his heart was in turmoil. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, trying to find the words to express the depth of his betrayal and hurt.
The tension hung in the air between them, each word a knife, each word digging deeper and deeper into the other's heart. He wanted to rage, to scream, to let out the hurt and pain and anger that was choking him, but he couldn't. He couldn't let you see how much it hurt, how much it had hurt him to find out the truth.
His voice was softer now, softer than he meant it to be, softer than he wanted it to be. He wanted you to see, to feel, the depth of his pain, but he couldn't bear to let it all out, to let you see the hurt in his eyes, the pain in his heart.
"I can't trust you now," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know how to trust you now."
The words hung heavy in the air, the weight of the betrayal, of the lies, a burden that neither of them could bear. The hurt was written on your face, in your eyes, but he couldn't look at you, couldn't face the truth of what you had done.
The silence stretched on, a heavy weight pressing down on both of them, a silent confession of the damage that had been done, of the trust that had been broken. He knew there would be no coming back from this, no way to fix what had been broken, no way to repair the damage that had been done.
The pain was like a slow burn in his chest, and he felt a lump forming in his throat, but he forced it down, forced himself to be strong, to be calm, to be everything you needed him to be.
Finally, he found his voice again, his words measured, as if he was walking on eggshells. "I need some time to think," he said, his voice low, barely above a whisper. "I need some time to figure out what this means."
You nodded, your eyes downcast, your own words silent as you grappled with the magnitude of what you had done, with the pain you had caused. They stood there, in silence, for what felt like an eternity, each of them lost in their own thoughts, each of them grappling with the weight of the betrayal, of the lies, of the broken trust.
Valeria Garzas:
Valeria and her significant other, you, have been dating for several months. Valeria is a devoted humanitarian, working for a non-profit organization that provides aid to war-torn regions. you, on the other hand, are an ex-mercenary who has completed several violent contracts in the past.
One day, you decide to share your past with Valeria, feeling that you owe her honesty and transparency in your relationship. When Valeria hears the news, she's shocked and overwhelmed with emotion. She feels betrayed and lied to, as you had never mentioned your past before. She also feels a sense of fear and anxiety, wondering if your past could put them or their family in danger.
Valeria needs time to process and come to terms with this information. She may need to have difficult and honest conversations with you about your past, such as the reasons you became a mercenary and the specifics of your work. She may also need to consider how this information could impact their relationship and the future they may have together.
The first conversation between Valeria and you may be filled with tension and awkwardness, as neither of them know how to approach the subject. Valeria interrogates you to explain your past in detail, including why you became a mercenary and what your work entailed. You felt uncomfortable and ashamed, but you also know that you need to be open and honest with Valeria.
As the interrogation progresses, Valeria gains a better understanding of your past and how shaped you into the person you were today. You talked about your experiences and how they still impact you, both emotionally and psychologically.
Through these conversations, Valeria eventually comes to realization that your past does not define you, and that you are a person with a hard past. She understands that your past experiences have made you who you were today, and that you are still the person she has grown to love.
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ladykailitha · 1 year
Text
Do You Know What Shovels Dig? Graves Part 6
And this is it. The last part of a short little idea that kept me up all night that turned into this beautiful story that is one of my favorite stories I’ve written.
WIP Wednesday allowed me to finish this up for you before I went to bed. I got a job that I will be starting on Monday which will slow my writing down some, but I will still try to keep up on the stories I have. I love writing these stories for you guys and wish I could make it my job. But alas, capitalism.
Also this is for all the people that wished to see what the Corroded Coffin boys would say and for all the people that wanted to have Erica actually apologize. I was like “if you guys can get her to apologize, great, because I couldn’t!” But then I realized that there was someone who could get her to apologize. Robin. So here you go.
Thanks to that anon for the barbecue idea. That’s here too.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
*
After Max, Lucas, and Erica had gone, Steve sat with Eddie, El, and the Byers boys.
“I think all in all,” Eddie began, “those were some pretty good apologies.”
The other three nodded.
Steve sighed. “It doesn’t change the fact that it took an actual honest to god intervention to get them realize they were wrong.”
“No it doesn’t,” El said. “Which is why I told them that they’ve been grounded from Steve for two weeks.”
“Uh...” Eddie said, “what now?”
“It means,” Will explained. “That if they want to hang out with him they have to do on his terms, not theirs. No begging for rides, no stopping by for food and then bailing, and just no taking advantage of Steve.”
Steve blushed. “Thanks, guys. I mean it. It was nice knowing that there were people that weren’t going to threaten me and took this whole seriously.” He gave Jonathan’s knee a squeeze. “I’m not sure what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped by. But I’m really glad you did.”
Jonathan squeezed his shoulder in response. “Me, too. I hope they learned their lesson.”
“That is the hope,” Will said.
Steve scratched his cheek. “Why don’t we have barbecue at your guys’s place after the two weeks and see how they fair?”
Will brightened. “I like that idea. That way if they are still having problems we can talk to them about it.”
“Do you think your mom will go for it?” Eddie asked.
Jonathan grinned. “Hell yeah, she would. She’s been wanting to show off her new house to everyone for awhile now.”
El grinned too. “We have a plan, then!”
*
Steve was pleased to see that the Party actually started to make actual changes in how they treated him.
Lucas invited him out to play basketball at the rec center and biked himself there. Steve offered him a ride home after, which he happily took as they were both sweating afterwards.
Dustin made sure that Steve knew he was joking when he was making comments. And Steve made sure to snark right back unless it really bothered him and then they would talk about it.
Robin and he had a longer talk about the gay vs bisexual thing. She admitted that she had been wrong to assume that because Steve was bisexual that it would be Eddie getting his heartbroken and not Steve. She had some ingrained biases that she had to get over and was really sorry she didn’t have his back when he needed her to.
There were a lot of little changes but the final major change came a couple days after the intervention when Jeff, Gareth, and Brian all walked into Family Video together to properly apologize to Steve.
“Hey, Buckley,” Jeff said, “can you give us some space?”
Robin straightened her spine and wiggled her shoulders. “Steve has had apology monitors to ensure that it’s an actual apology, and as Eddie or Will or Jonathan aren’t here, it’s going to have to be me.”
Steve laughed and shook his head. “Apparently there are certain people who think I’m too nice,” he explained to the other boys, “and let people get away things that I shouldn’t so they took it upon themselves to be my guard dogs to make sure it’s an actual apology.”
“Have they met you?” Gareth asked, incredulous. “You’re the original bitch.”
Steve laughed again. “Who let Tommy and Carol walk all over me. I tend to roll over for friends.”
They blinked and then nodded.
“Yeah, okay,” Brian said. “That tracks.”
Steve just smiled. “So how can I help you fine gentleman today? May I interest you our latest releases?”
That got a couple chuckles out of them.
“No, man,” Jeff said, “we’re here to talk about the whole shovel talk shit.”
Steve leaned against the counter and folded his arms. “You do know I don’t fault you guys for that, right? You guys are Eddie’s best friends. I didn’t really fault Wayne, either. But the execution of that one...” he winced when Robin gasped. “Poor choice of words, sorry.”
“What he do?” Jeff asked.
“Borrowed Chief Hopper’s shotgun and cleaned while we talked,” Steve said with a grimace.
“That ain’t right...” Brian said, shaking his head.
Gareth looked at Jeff and then back to Steve. “Yeah, but here’s the thing about our shovel talk...”
“It wasn’t necessary,” Jeff finished for him. “We’ve had time to get to know you before you and Eddie started dating. We knew that you two would do anything for each other even without being a couple.”
Brian nodded. “It’s just...something we thought best friends did. The whole ‘break his heart, we’ll break your knees’ kind of thing.”
Robin looked down at her feet and cleared her throat.
Jeff sighed dramatically. “Please tell me she wasn’t one of the ones that gave you the shovel talk. Because that’s messed up, man.”
Steve looked over at her and then back up to Jeff. “Yeah, she knows.”
“By the way,” Gareth said, waving his hands, “Eddie doesn’t know we’re here. So I don’t want thinking this is a forced apology or anything.”
Steve raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Brian cleared his throat. “I mean he did threaten to kill off our characters if we were mean to you, but he didn’t tell us to apologize or anything.”
Steve laughed. “That sounds more like the Eddie we all know and love.”
“But we would have come anyway,” Jeff said. “Because our shovel talk added to a heaping pile of bullshit that you didn’t need. And definitely didn’t deserve.”
“So this is us saying we’re sorry that everyone you knew decided that you were going to break Eddie’s heart,” Gareth said. “And that we made you feel like you weren’t worthy of dating Eddie. Because you are, man. Like seriously the only guy Eddie’s brought around that we actually want to be friends with.”
“Hell yeah,” Brian said. “You’re so cool and you love to take care everyone. We’d want you to stick around because we like you, too.”
Steve’s eyes blurred and he cleared his throat. “Thanks, guys. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
They all came up and gave Steve a hug, blocking him from outside viewers so he could cry. Once they were sure he was going to be okay, they let him go.
They said their goodbyes and walked out, leaving behind a stunned Robin and grateful Steve.
*
Just before the barbecue started Robin brought over Erica to Steve by holding her ear.
“Ow! Ow! Ow!” Erica was yelling as she was half dragged over to him.
Robin sat her down and said, “I learned that this little hobgoblin didn’t properly apologize for her shovel talk. And Eddie let her get away with it.”
“God, what’s your problem?” Erica huffed up at Robin. “They understood. Why can’t you?”
Robin grinned. “Green ooze, little girl. Green ooze.”
Erica’s jaw snapped shut. If Sherlock Holmes had his phrase for humbling him when he got too proud, this was Erica’s. She was going to drink it before it turned out to be acid. Like literal acid.
She turned to Steve. “Shovel talks aren’t right and no one should be giving anyone shovel talks because it’s a pointless exercise in latent hostility. So I’m sorry I contributed to an archaic practice used by bullies and abusers. I won’t do it ever again.”
Erica looked up at Robin, who gave her the thumbs up. Erica hopped up and ran off to play.
Steve blinked up at Robin in shock. “Like how the hell did you manage that?”
Robin just batted her eyelashes and said nothing, walking away with a whistle on her lips and a swagger in her step.
Eddie came up to him in shock. “Did I just witness an actual apology from Lady Applejack?”
Steve nodded mutely.
“I think I’m more afraid of Robin, now,” Eddie muttered and Steve could only agree.
*
Eddie was starting to see a trend. One that made him laugh the third time it happened.
The first, though? Claudia Henderson.
“Eddie!” she greeted warmly. “I haven’t seen you around much. How have you been?”
Eddie smiled at her. Even before the Upside Down, Claudia was one Eddie’s favorite people. She was bright and happy and loved her wacky son with all her heart. Something that Eddie could absolutely get behind. “I’ve just been busy. But name the date, and I’ll be there.”
She smiled back. “That’s sweet, dear. You know you have an open invitation. But why don’t you and your uncle come over for Sunday dinner. Steve has already said yes for himself.”
“Sounds great, Mrs Henderson,” Eddie agreed.
“How are you and Steve?” she asked gently. “Dusty was telling me that Steve hadn’t been doing well lately.”
“We’re good,” Eddie said bobbing his head. “Things got a little rough a couple weeks back, but we’re on firmer ground now.”
She patted his cheek. “You really need to be taking better care of that boy. He looks tough on the outside, but he needs someone who can take care of him, yeah?”
Eddie smiled. “Of course. Taking extra good care of our Stevie is my number one priority.”
She nodded and went to go make sure Dusty was eating enough.
The next one was Karen Wheeler of all people. Ted was suspiciously but expectedly absent. She came up to Eddie and introduced herself.
“You must be Eddie!” she said with smile that reminded him of that Dustin Hoffman film.
“Oh hello,” he replied a little confused.
“Nancy has told me all about you,” Karen said with that same smile. “She’s always going on about how Steve finally found the person he was meant to be with and what a great person you are.”
Eddie smiled back. “Nancy’s a great girl.”
She sighed a little, her smile turning into something a little more genuine. “I miss having Steve over. Jonathan is great boy for my Nance, but Steve sparkled where Jonathan only shines.”
“I won’t argue with you on that one,” Eddie said. “But then Jonathan isn’t my type.”
She swatted at him playfully. “All I’m trying to say if that Steve is a good boy and deserves only the best. So you’ll take good care of him, won’t you?” It was sweet and sincere, but a hint of steel. And suddenly Eddie knew where Nancy got her backbone of steel from.
“Always,” Eddie promised, hand over heart.
“See that you do,” Karen said and wandered off to compare brownie recipes with Joyce.
The third was a squirrelly looking balding guy with thick glasses and far too knowing stare. He had come with Chief Hopper and had spent most of the night watching Eddie. He had asked Nancy who he was and she said his name was Murray Bauman and he was a conspiracy theorist. Which really didn’t clear anything up for him, but this rag-tag group of rebels and fighters were all a little weird.
He wandered over to Eddie and looked him up and down. He said in a clear voice, “I have seen things you wouldn’t believe, I’ve done things that would make your hair curl on end,” he stopped for a moment, “make it curlier and I know where the bodies are hidden. If you hurt Steve, you’ll be the next one.”
“Murray!” Hopper yelled. “What the hell was that? Why would you say that?”
Murray blinked at Hopper and then tilted his head. “Because we love Steve?” He says long and slow like he’s talking to a stupid person.
Eddie burst out laughing.
“No, no,” he said between giggles. “It’s fine Hopper. It’s all fine!”
Murray looked him over again and then nodded. “Yes, you’ll do.” And then he wandered off back into the house as if he had done what he had come to do.
A few minutes later Steve came up and sat next to Eddie. “I’m sorry, I don’t even know what that was.”
Eddie giggled and bumped their shoulders together. “It’s fine, sweetheart. It’s actually kinda adorable.”
Steve frowned. “What is?”
“That it’s the moms plus Murray here,” Eddie said jerking his chin in the direction Murray had wandered off to, “that are the most protective of you. Both Mrs Wheeler and Henderson have told me under no certain terms am I allowed to hurt you and that I’m supposed to take care of you.”
Steve blinked and searched the crowd for Claudia first. She spotted him looking at her and she waved at him. Steve smiled and waved back. Then he searched for Karen. She didn’t look at him directly, but merely winked and went back to talking to Wayne about something he couldn’t quite hear.
“Oh.”
“But don’t you worry, darlin’,” Eddie purred. “I’m gonna take very good care of you.”
Steve kissed him, slow and deep. “And I will always take care of you, Eds.”
“Perfect.”
It really was.
*** 
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