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sciderman · 8 months

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hey sci.how do you get wades personality to a T! I desperately wanna make a comic but I’m worried I’ll fall short to his character.Any Tips?

oh bless you! i don't think there's any sort of guide to getting wade's character right - all the canon writers write him so, so differently - he really is the sort of character that can be anything the author needs him to be (for better or for worse)

i know i've received complaints over the years about how i portray wade - sometimes people think i make him too emotional, or what-have-you, but i think the biggest crime anyone can commit when writing wade is him not being funny. (i know, that's so, so subjective.) i think when wade falls short for me in the comics or in any characterisation it's usually down to me just not finding the jokes funny! i can kind of forgive anything at all, as long as it's funny.

i've seen a lot of more serious depictions of wade in fanfiction and it kind of throws me for a loop - he's a showman. he'll always be cracking a joke, and if he isn't, you're in trouble.

i think something i'm kind of obsessed with when writing wade is the intentionality behind his words and actions - he's kind of a master of deflection. i think i do love to see a hyper-competent wade, who only plays the part of the idiot because it's what the audience likes to see. he's never stupid, he's just unlucky. when things go wrong for him, it's not due to stupidity - it's either self-sabotage, or he's a victim of the narrative. i think that's where my depiction of wade differs from daddy nicieza's - i think daddy nicieza's wade is big stupid, most of the time.

himbo rights.

but even then, his wade isn't as big of an idiot as he acts. and a lot of it is an act. he's putting on a show. i love a wade wilson who's actually so much more intelligent than he lets show. a wade wilson who's perpetually holding all his cards to his chest because he doesn't want anyone to be able to pin him down or predict him.

all his cards. on terms of capability, and also his emotions. he's so calculated about what other people get to see of him, particularly when he's wearing the mask. (when he's out of the mask he has decidedly less control over what people see of him.)

i think there's a few things that turn me off from a deadpool characterisation - mostly when i see a wade that's too sugary (i think that's why i can't care very much for the most recent deadpool series) - wade always has demons to overcome. always. being heroic isn't something that comes naturally to him. it isn't something that comes naturally to anyone, but at least wade's honest about it.

i like to see a wade that's a jerk. because he is. he's always been. it's like, his first ever personality trait. he is a jerk. a selfish jerk. please, oh please god, do not forget that he's a selfish jerk. i really love portrayals of him that don't shy away from that, but make him endearing anyway. you really don't have to erase all the bad parts of a character to make them likeable. you really, really don't. those bad parts are the tasty bits. makes me keep coming back for more.

when i see a wade that is not a selfish jerk i am like "wha. whuh. who is that. that's not wade. that's not my son. why is he not spitting in my eye right now."

i kind of have to hate him just a little. that's like, the whole point. you're meant to love and hate wade simultaneously, all the time. anyone who loves wade knows this wholeheartedly. to love him is to hate him.

second to that, please don't ever make wade wilson a sexual predator. that's a real problem (hate that).

#my favourite wades really are the ones that you can hate. or you hate loving.#writing this post kind of made me figure out just why the recent series hasn't landed for me.#sci speaks #fact is the recent series does not let me hate wade the appropriate amount.#please. i must hate him a little.#i also think the current series is probably too plot driven and not.. character driven enough.. i love wade for #kind of being a stupidly self-reflective character that sits around and mopes a lot. he does that a lot.#i love characters that sit and mope a lot. i miss characters just sitting around and moping.#god. maybe i'm the bad writer. i hate plot. i just want quiet moping.#but the heart wants what it wants.#i think thats why i love the old spider-man comics so much. the plot was a mess. but my god did peter parker do some great moping.

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pixiemage · 7 months

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Please, for the love of god, please don’t be this person. No matter how long it’s been since an update, no matter how many unfinished stories are sitting on their account, no matter what - do not be this person.

Not only is it insanely rude, but you also do more damage than you think be being such a self-entitled ass about something someone created for free and for fun. “This author” can see what you say.

RIP decency indeed.

#Archive of our Own #Ao3 #Ao3 Comments #Writing #Fanfiction #Fanfic Writing #I wrote over 100k on that fic before burnout took hold #I poured my heart into what I did manage to finish #adhd’s a bitch that doesn’t always let me write what I want to write but I got that far #don’t make me feel ashamed because you didn’t get to see the ending

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notherpuppet · 3 months

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Husk and Alastor have a battle of wits, drinking, and jazz. AKA how I think Husk found out about Al’s situation.

Music: JK Sax’s cover of Tones and I “Dance Monkey”

I’m not a talented enough musician so I couldn’t make the music that was in my head lol but dance monkey fits pretty well.

Alastor: Husker, is that all you got? Hahaha, take another shot!

Husk: You ain’t on a sadist’s leash, you can’t know-it-all. Can’t know what I been through, if you ain’t at a beck and call!

Alastor: Ha! I win this spat with ease, looks like you’ve hit the wall. Cuz Jokes on you, I know that too, I know it all!

Husk: You…what?

Al: Perhaps, I’ve had too much to drink this time. Do yourself a favor, banish this night from your mind.

Husk: U-understood.

Al: Hm, good.

#hazbin hotel #fanimatic #alastor #husk #hazbin hotel fanart #I looooooved drawing drunk alastor soooo much #idk if we’ll ever be able to see it in canon but I want it so bad #I just can’t imagine that he’d have a heart to heart with husk #because he’s heartless #the info must have come out of reckless one upmanship #that’s what I think #my doods #liked by creator

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spineless-lobster · 10 days

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Hey so if you guys here any pained animalistic sobs and/or wails don’t mind that it’s only me thinking about the house of hades family portraits

#what the helllllllll #I want to live in peace supergiant please my poor heart can only take so much #look at them look how soft and happy they are :(#I’m so sad about them they deserve so much better #I will cry at the family reunion at the end of this game I know I will #hades 2 #hades game #hades 2 spoilers #melinoë #zagreus #hades #persephone hades

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joethesparkle · 10 months

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Reigen genuinely had no idea

#my art #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #reigen arataka #kageyama shigeo #mob #reigen was so excited too :(#sorry to everyone who followed me for a specific fandom and then i dont post anything for that fandom for months #but the heart wants what the heart wants #(it wants a new fixation every two weeks)

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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anotherpapercut · 1 year

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just had an absolutely sickening conversation with a 20 year old I work with wherein I had to impress upon her that her and her friends need to be extremely cautious going to the gay clubs right now with increasing attacks happening. make sure any very young, very newly adult queer people in your life know that we're a family and community and part of that is being willing to fight for your siblings lives if they're under attack. even if it's a person you despise, you stick up for your family and they will stick up for you. we are all we have. the cops refuse to help, and so do most people outside the community. we cannot survive without each other

#go in groups! leave before closing! bring something that can be thrown at someone! park close!#heart breaking #i dont wanna talk to the 18 year olds coming for the first time excited to have fun about how they have to be on guard at all times #i want kids who are just blossoming into the adults theyre going to be to have a safe place to feel loved and nurtured #im only 23 for christs sake #why am I having to talk to a 20 year old like im their 60 year old grandparent #i just want to feel safe with my community in what is essentially the family home

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thatpunnyperson · 10 months

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According to NBC here in the US, the missing titanic sub has been found. As debris. Off the bow of the Titanic wreckage.

And it looks like the sub suffered what we all suspected, and what was undoubtedly the more merciful of the two options: a catastrophic implosion from the pressure.

Also, more info has come to light about the fishing trawler with the hundreds of migrants that sank cataclysmically off the coast of Greece, indicating that the greek coast guard knew about the vessel AND how much trouble the vessel was in, and were towing it at a speed that made it capsize, at which point they unhooked the tow line and watched the trawler sink without helping the passengers to safety. Despite a bunch of other ships trying to help as well throughout the whole ordeal.

So a lot of people are dead, all because of regulations (and the lack thereof) regarding sea-faring vessels and rescue protocols. People shouldnt be allowed to make a business charging a ton of money for a ride on an uncertified, unsafe, un-seaworthy ship going deep into the ocean with no distress beacon or tether to the mothership. People also shouldnt be allowed to enact laws that criminalize the ferrying of refugees, which then force the refugees to hitch rides on fishing trawlers, and which also prevent people from helping those fishing trawlers full of refugees due to fear of legal consequences.

Hopefully BOTH of these events spark changes on an international scale in terms of what is legally allowed to be sailed, who is legally allowed to be the passengers, and what the rescue protocols are in the event of disaster for any seafaring vessel, illegal or not. It shouldnt be just the global 1% who get 24/7 search parties and remote-operated submersibles helping rescue them.

#the question of 'what do we owe to each other' can be answered simply with 'the dignity of retrieving our remains when we die'#another answer is 'the dignity of thinking about each other fellow humans with similar motivations and feelings'#also 'stopping someones potentially self-destructive behaviors just because theyre rich and want to feel special'#also i feel like humans have been sailing the seas long enough that it should be guaranteed that people will survive sea voyages #im very mad about specifically mediterranean maritime disasters because we have ancient writing saying they made it safe #sailing from Egypt to Greece was so old hat and safe that people legit took the ancient equivalent of cruises back and forth #cleopatra habitually sailed from alexandria to rome with a ton of ships and was fine #Nero tried to have his mother drowned at sea by orchestrating a dramatic shipwreck while she was our sailing AND SHE SURVIVED #and then swam to shore got back to rome and whooped his ass #fuckin pliny the elder tried to evacuate people from pompeii and the surrounding coast villages when vesuvius erupted #and he actually WAS able to rescue people #but he himself had an asthma attack from the fumes which led to a heart attack and he died on the beach #there is legit no excuse for that trawler of migrant refugees to have wrecked #negligence all around #anyway #oceangate

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st-hedge · 7 days

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I hadn’t drawn the house of hades boys in years! Curse me! This isn’t exactly a remake of an old painting but it’s in the vibe of how I used to draw them all the time. Poetic and stealing kisses

#hades game #zagreus #thanatos #thanzag #I have missed than being a shy tsundere who was so so so fucking difficult to catch up with #loved them and loved this game #can’t wait to see what happens next to curb stomp my heart #no spoilers if there were any clues in the tech test!!!!#I don’t want to hear it lalalallalalalallalala

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nibbelraz · 4 months

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A writer and His number one fan hater

#svsss #shen qingqiu #shang qinghua #platonic cumplane???#Shen Yuan #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain #I actually have a lot of thoughts about them that i wasnt able to articulate right with words or drawings #i just think #That Shen Yuan really did like the story #like he was upset on behalf of a good character #he was upset about its potential #he absolutely wanted more for him and was upset that it was thrown away to please the masses #he had no idea what Shang Qinghua was going through #absolutely just ranked on him and YEAH IT WASNT THE BEST WORK BUT clearly it still was good enough to make Shen Yuan care #like ah #I would love to read more dynamics about them about a struggling writer and his most trusted hater to yell at him to write his heart out #also Shen Qingqiu going through svsss and seeing how much thought Shang Qinghua actually put into the story #and how much effort he actually had in it before he had to settle and scrap #like AAAAHH Im not the analysis type and my thoughts about them really are all other the place but really I think nothing is stronger then #an author and a reader #cause my man read to the very end the ABSOLUTE END #hE CARED HE CARED HE REALLY CARED NO MATTER HOWWWW MUCH HE CRIED ABOUT IT #alright dont look at me they make me go crazy #my art #nibbelraz

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mobius-m-mobius · 4 months

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Tom on more of Owen's s2 improv (x)

#tom hiddleston #owen wilson #mobius #loki #lokius #mcuedit #lokiedit #marveledit #never gonna be a biggest owen fan competition as long as tom's around but i'm not mad about it 😂💖#the way we keep getting confirmation every moment of the loki series i've loved heart and soul has just been owen in the moment #including the timeslipping effect!? which he visualized perfectly before anyone even had a clue what they wanted it to look like!?????#cool cool cool feeling totally normal about how powerful his mind is 🙃#(also for the record i called all these moments out the second i saw them lmao the man's humor is just too good)#'SKIN?' you'll always be famous #marvel #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs

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ruporas · 1 year

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good mornings throughout the travel

[ID: Two comics of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The second is underneath the read more.

The first is in four panels and follows Vash and Wolfwood through hotel rooms. First, Vash and Wolfwood exit adjacent rooms, and Wolfwood has sparkles floating around him as he exclaims, “Rise and shine! Ready to go?” Vash frowns, displeased, and says, Urk— Good morning to you too.”

Next, they’re in a room with two beds. Wolfwood is awake and fully dressed. He’s sitting on the bed and smoking, back turned away from the viewer and he says, “Wake up already, sleepyhead.” Vash sits up with his eyes still closed and yawns before saying good morning. After that, they’re sharing a bed, and Wolfwood gets up and says, “Morning, sunshine. Time to get up.” His body shadows Vash from the sunlight. Vash is still lying down with a blanket draped over him as he mumbles good morning.

Finally, they’re embracing in bed, both shirtless. Sunlight shines on them, but their contact allows their shadows to drape over their faces. Vash smiles, kisses the top of Wolfwood’s head, and says, “Good morning, Wolfwood.” Wolfwood sleepily says, “Mph, g’morning, needle-noggin’,” snuggling into on Vash’s shoulder. End ID] ID CREDIT

TRIMAX Vol. 10 Spoilers under read more // bonus comic

[ID: The bonus comic starts with Vash asleep in bed, fully clothed with his hair half-black. Someone says “Good morning,” and Vash says, “Morning, Wolf—w...” He trails off as Livio, holding a plate of food, stares with abject shock.

Livio says, “I’m sorry.” Vash, smiling but sweating, says, “No, it’s my bad...” Livio repeats, “I’m sorry.” Vash says, “Geez, stop apologizing,” and cuts off Livio’s “I—” with a “Good morning, Livio.” Livio quietly mumbles, “... Good morning...”

Vash sits up from the couch he was sleeping on and looks down, thinking, “... That’s right. I won’t wake up to you anymore... I have to get used to that...” End ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #i just think. when theyre traveling for a long time together #sleeping in the same inns sleeping in the same rooms potentially as they get closer #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 bedrooms if theyre comfortable fighting back to back #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 beds after one night of being forced to sleep in same one since all the 2 beds rooms ran out #and being comfortable with it - and then after their feelings are shared #realizing theyd rather sleep and rest peacefully next to one another #and wake up slowly and enjoy the mundane while they can #i drew ww waking up first bc i dont imagine he sleeps much tbh. i think vash is a light sleeper too and more often than not #and vash goes to bed just bc he knows if he tries to leave ww would follow him #i also think vash never had someone stand guard for him before even if that isnt what he wants out of ww to do. but knowing that ww is #there means that he can actually sleep peacefully without worry that someones going to drop on him immediately. i think he'd get used tothat #and ww -- as he opens his heart more to vash -- gets comfortable staying in bed a little longer #sleeps a little better -- especially when they start to share a bed bc there's a warmth there that he can't help but cave into #bc he hasn't had that in a long time.#ruporas art

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ryllen · 4 months

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#reading this meme gives me comfort #twisted wonderland #twst #this is just what i think #who would u swap and where #honestly jack is probably the first and second tier once he gets comfortable with you #like it is so kind and warm it actually makes u forget ur woes #kalim and ace are just the tight huggers that's why they are on the top list #they squish u and that serotonin out #u're just little pouch of serotonin in their hands #trey is between giving u awkward back pat or hugging you #but i like to think even tho he's just pretending his hug is very comforting #deuce is just bewildered confused and flustered that's why he doesn't return the hug immediately #but he sure wouldn't want to let go afterwards #cater might seem like he would give a good hug but i imagine his true self be like o . o and then switch to ^ - ^ immediately after #vil is just a kind person in my eyes #he is mature and calm and nurturing if he wants to #i alter the meme wording by a bit to fit my perception more #if u put the birthday boy icons together it makes a heart omg #ruggie is honestly confusing me #he would probably only hug wholeheartedly if money is on the line #but i think he hugs his family and the kids at the slum very lovingly #idia is probably between the third and fourth tier but maybe he leans more towards hugging back than patting on the back #patting in the back is probably too cool for him #floyd'd examine u first and giving the how dare u touch me look menancingly but then be like ehe bcs it's little shrimpy i'll forgive u~

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mizgnomer · 3 months

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Good Omens - Season 1 and Season 2 - Parallel Posters (click for larger images)

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inkskinned · 3 months

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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

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mienar · 1 year

Photo

remnants of where we have been

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#artists on tumblr #animated illustration #animated gif #digital art #2d animation #environment art #environment illustration #backgrounds #background illustration #art backgrounds #night sky #constellation #cozy #myillust #hellooo! just wanted to drop by and share this piece with you!#there were a combination of ideas here: i wanted to do a glowing cityscape of its city lights and have it softly blur into the night sky #the title is also a big description for this i guess - 'remnants of where we have been' is like how the city lights were where humans were #the clutter around the character shows the remnants or the past of what they did #the map-like contours of the skies are like where the stars have travelled #idk i guess it's something that i think about often and it makes my heart ache sometimes;;#anyways! i really hope you'll like this! thank you so much for reading through this if you have and for your support as always c':

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