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vacantgodling · 4 months

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Pure/Citra, Reed/Twilightsorrow, and Charissa/Altair please!!

(I mean I also want to know everything about what Saith is up to but that felt like too many for one ask 👀)

~ @void-botanist

thank you for the ask!!! ;3;

PURE / CITRA (status: kinda a crackship but they definitely become friends i just haven't decided if i want them to kiss yet or not)

pure is clear's younger brother and the youngest of the brightendale's and he has a super tumultuous relationship with both clear and vanity. pure really buys into the eros-superiority "we need to focus our efforts on argos" energy and is honestly like dion but brattier?? also has no sense of self preservation yet he's not half as talented a hunter as his sister vanity, let alone even a fraction powerful as clear. he has a huge inferiority complex and craves validation and acceptance. citra is on the opposite end of things. he's the cousin of moira and san and while he's not a bad hunter, he definitely isn't the strongest. however, he comes at life with a better attitude (nature/nurture is huge lmao) and seeks to learn and wants to become better and harbors no ill will towards people better than him. the two of them meet and initially clash because pure can be really condescending and brazen while citra is more mild-mannered like clear which immediately pisses pure off (he hates clear with a passion. cuz he's san but worse LMAO). however, citra never takes anything personally and is the first person who really sees that pure is lashing out because he's hurt. they have a very small angry x tall chill vibe about them. citra always makes pure apologize when he goes too far and citra's influence helps pure patch up some of his shittier relationships like with vanity and clear lol. so, i think they could work. PLUS i think it would be hilarious if san and clear ended up cousins via marriage PFF.

REED / TWILIGHTSORROW (status: doomed friendship)

these are some of my history of terrae ocs so spoilers aren't a thing since this happened long before canon. honestly, the best explanation would be if you read this long post about the progression from twilight -> twilightsorrow -> EFFE. if reed would've lived longer, he would've been able to really teach twilightsorrow humanity and tbh their relationship is kind of a very historical mirror of the bad end for evondra/arian (that kind of happens but doesn't happen to them, its complicated). reed is such a good, funloving soul and i think it would honestly be cute to have an au where they got to meet when TS was still just twilight and before the day of fissures bc he'd absolutely serenade her outside of her balcony window and make her embarrassed lol. anyway tcol is actually quite more melancholic than i like to let on LMAO--

CHARISSA / ALTAIR (status: canon!)

god the two of them have been through hell and back together and they're literally boss ass "you can't die for me because i will drag you back to life and kill you myself" vibes. their full backstory is very spoiler territory however, so unless y'all want the spoilers (which i'm always happy to give lmao) i can't say TOO much about what they've kind of been through together, however charissa's family is obsessed with altair and they are demanding to know when they will get together and provide them children and altair thinks this is the funniest shit in the world and proposes to her solely to piss her off when she takes him to introduce him to her family. they're very much a couple who never explicitly says they're together but then they buy a house, matching rings, move in together and are basically married in every sense of the word. charissa is more likely to deny it than altair lmao. they also turn everything into a competition and charissa is most likely to instigate but altair never backs down pff.

#s: tcol

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folfar · 1 year

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NTN THOUGHTS ROUND 1

And by thoughts I mean questions someone pls explain to me, I’m too dazed from just finishing the book

why didn’t jod (love this moniker) heal gideon’s wounds. Is it because he’s a dickhead* or because there was a fragment of her soul in Nona still so he couldn’t do a proper resurrection

who made the friendship bracelets. was it ianthe. was it Gideon (this is something she saw in her comics and had been thinking about forevs)? did jod make them. does he have one too. did he cry. did he say something about how this would bind them closer than lyctorhood ever did whilst also crying.

how long did it take jod to come up with kiriona? had jod been thinking of baby names for like ten thousand years

Got interrupted at this point and I can’t remember what the fourth question was. So. Uhhhhh what if noodle having six legs has important plot implications

jod turning the earth into a Barbie doll is literally the most fucked thing I’ve ever heard. can’t believe you tried to pygmalion the earth into something fuckable. this isn’t a question more of a statement of awe about this man’s brass balls. dig a hole in the ground and put your bits in that instead, overachiever

feel like I did not understand the bit about g1deon’s nuke going off first?? can someone explain it to me please. im on five hours of sleep and a hangover i need to be babied

GIDEON THE SERF, GIDEON THE LONELY GIRL WHO WANTS A FAMILY, Gideon has a COUSIN and no one makes anything of it??? Pash rights!! Also something something Nona in harrow feeling bodily attraction towards someone who canonically looks like Gideon…. Interestingggg. will pash come back do we think? Do we think she will clap Gideon on the back. Will Gideon call her cuz. I can only hope!!! (I know it won’t but I have dreams ok)

The stuff with the sixth could have been clearer, right?? Am I just a div?

What are the most incongruous possible pre resurrection lyctor names? moira. Millie. Nancy. Claire. Imagine killing all your friends and then bringing them back to life as your weird sims and then making them eat each other??? this man is so deeply unwell (admiring)

*dickhead = he thinks it makes a statement about how Gideon is a representation of mercy and Augustine’s betrayal, or something.

#tlt #ntn #ntn spoilers #Nona the ninth #THOUGHTS!!!!!#jod #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #john gaius

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abundanceofnots · 3 years

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Fic idea if you’re still take my them! Sandy, Tami, and Mickey drunk at the house one night swapping stories about their dumb Gallaghers. Do they get Mickey a little too drunk and he shares some TMI bedroom things?

Inspired by @milkovichy‘s post, my very own ramblings and this prompt from, like, December (sorry! I’m the worst), I give you this. Set some time after 11×03.

Mickey could hear them all evening, howling with laughter every so often, a low hum of soft rock music trailing behind their voices. Usually, he wouldn’t give a damn. The Gallagher house existed in a constant uproar, and a moment of quiet always felt more tense than calming.

Tonight was a special night though. The Gallaghers all went fuck-does-Mickey-care-where for some Frank-related business, and he had the house to himself—well, except for his annoyingly loud cousin and Lip’s baby mama, who apparently decided to have a fucking ladies night in his kitchen.

In all honesty, he found their little unlikely friendship somewhat sweet, but that didn’t matter when their girly cackles kept disrupting his attempt to have a nice long wank over the video that he and Ian filmed on their wedding night.

His hand was in his boxers, tugging gently at his still mostly soft cock as he watched wedding-night Ian kiss down his naked back, pausing just before the curve of Mickey’s ass to send a cheeky grin down the camera lens when the next barrage of laugher came. Mickey groaned, dropping the phone on his chest. He rubbed at his face and felt his dick lose all remaining interest.

Pulling his sweats on, he figured he could use the time before Ian came back by getting something to eat.

“Well, well, if it ain’t the macho slut himself!” Sandy greeted him from the kitchen table, earning herself and her giggly companion an uninterested middle finger when Mickey passed them on his way to the fridge. “Was almost worried about you last night. You’ve been going at it for a good couple of hours.”

“Oh, please,” Mickey said as he browsed the contents of the fridge. “Last night was nothing.”

“My mistake. RIP to your asshole, by the way.” Sandy muttered, meeting Tami’s eyes for a second. “Hey, you wanna join us? We got some pink stuff that one of Carl’s old girlfriends left behind.”

“Just because I like getting fucked up the ass by a dude doesn’t mean I’mma drink some faggy shit.“

“We also got beer.” Tami motioned to the opened six-pack laying on the table before tapping the half-empty bottle standing closest to her reach. “And some whiskey.”

“And some weed brownies,” Sandy added, her smile suggesting she already knew Mickey wouldn’t be able to say no.

“Sold.“ Mickey dropped down on a free chair and immediately reached for one of the brownies, unwrapping it messily from its foil. “But if you start talking about your menstrual cycles or some shit, I’m leaving.”

“Don’t worry. Your fragile soul is gonna pull through this fully unscathed by female agenda,” Sandy shot back, moving one of the beer bottles in front of Mickey. “We were actually just talking shit about the Gallaghers.”

Mickey hated to admit that was a topic he could gladly get behind.

“I could tell you about the first time me and Lip fucked,” Tami suggested as she took a swig of her beer.

Mickey grimaced at her. “Why the fuck would I wanna hear about that?”

“Cuz for a long time after that, I called him Jabby.”

Sandy snorted into her drink.

“Wasn’t that creative,” Tami continued, trying to downplay how proud she clearly was of that nickname. “It’s quite literally what he did—jab, jab, jab. No form, no style. Just jabbing.”

Mickey clanked their bottles together. “I like your style.”

“Did you come?” Sandy asked.

“Fuck no.” Tami scoffed. “But I did puke on his shoes.”

“Judging by Mickey’s face, I don’t think Lip will be able to live any of that down now.”

“Damn fucking right.”

“Ah, it was a long time ago. He’ll survive.” Tami waved off their fake concern. “I’m kinda mad at him anyway—and surprised I haven’t caught him jerking it to our new kitchen backsplash yet.”

Mickey took a beat before asking: “Fuck’s a backsplash?”

“The father of my child’s current object of sexual desire.”

Sandy turned to Mickey. “You two ever had any problems in bed?”

“Jesus, no,” he replied, stuffing his mouth with small bits of his brownie. “If Ian were a bad lay, we’d be over before this whole thing even started.”

“Even if it meant he’d never use his ‘giant fucking hands’ to hold you down and pound into you until you ‘moaned all sexy’?” Sandy asked bluntly, struggling to keep her poker face intact.

Tami’s eyes widened. “What the fuck,” she breathed.

“Their door is basically non-existent,” Sandy explained. “We can hear every word they say.”

“Whatever. It’s true. Dude’s hands are fucking massive.” Mickey said, shrugging. “So’s his dick.”

Sandy nodded appreciatively and clanked their bottles.

“Okay, but you got together when he was what, like, fifteen, right?” Tami said. “Lip showed me a picture of them from around that time once. I’m sorry, but Ian was a tiny kid back then. He looked like a frail twig with a mop of ginger hair on top.”

“Yeah,” Sandy chimed in, exchanging a meaningful look with her cousin. “Who could’ve known back then that he was gonna turn into such a goddamn hunk.”

Mickey arched his brow, smirking. “What can I say. Guess I hit a fucking jackpot with that one.”

#writing prompt #gallavich fic #gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #tumblr fic #my fics #anon i really don't know if you were still waiting for this but here you go #it's... a thing #hopefully someone somewhere will enjoy this #also this whole day my friends were like 'how are you spending your birthday ellie'#and as i was typing this i went 'oh you know just chilling'#totally not writing some filth on the internet

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reality-shifting · 3 years

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could you tell us about any of your shifting experiences? :0 (i'm so sorry if this has been asked already)

nothing to apologize ^^ i love getting asks (even tho it took me a while to answer, but that was for different reasons ^^)

now, i haven’t shifted very often yet (just a couple times actually), but i’ll be telling you some of my favorite stories/things that happened!!

but before that i’ll kinda explain what my dr is (all these stories are from the same dr (as that’s the only one i’ve shifted to yet) (technically i did shift into one other reality too the first time i shifted, but i wasn’t there for long so i don’t really have much to tell about that))

basically my dr is a combination of bnha, death note, black butler, yuri on ice and my cr! (it sounds chaotic ik, but the way i scripted it, it actually all fits pretty well together! i might make another post talking about my dr in detail later, we’ll see ^^) and yeah, some of the characters might be somewhat out of character compared to their source material in this reality (due to what i scripted) & in my dr i’m in a poly relationship with misa amane (death note) & katsuki bakugou (bnha)

so now on to the stories :3

one time my cr best friend, bakugou (bnha) and mello (death note) had a snowball fight during our school’s christmas party- it was honestly hilarious, but they knocked over the snowman i’d built with yaomomo (bnha) and my other cr best friend. later that same day tho, deku (bnha) and my cr cousin rebuilt our snowman tho- which rly surprised me cuz i didn’t know my cousin was even at the party lol- (in my cr she rarely attends parties, but apparently someone dragged her along to that one XD) (the rest of the party was fun too btw! and the food was so good omg!!)

btw!! misa (death note) loves making snow angels!!! that’s literally the cutest thing ever!! and one time shortly before new year’s eve in my dr, she asked me to take pics of her while she was making snow angels and they turned out so good and cute and omg- sidhjdbxkdjdkdj!!!

something that really surprised me about my dr is that one of my cr best friends is also a really close friend of yuuga aoyama there!! and i actually hadn’t known until my friend invited me to go shopping together and also invited aoyama (without telling me lmao)- but tbh it makes sense they have a lot of similarities!! and hanging out with them was literally so much fun!!

so this probably only happened bc i literally scripted that someone was going to find out that i’m a shifter (cuz i thought that might be fun lol- (which it actually was, i was right :P)), and yeah this is less of a story but more of a lil fun fact about my dr ig- so i hadn’t scripted who was gonna find out and i just had no idea before at all lol. but then one day at school during break, deku (bnha) comes up to me and like tells me that he has something to ask me, and i was like “oh what’s up :0” and he basically listed a few things about me that confused him (like the fact that i have 6 quirks, and that i’m immune to certain quirks lol-) and just like asked me about that! then i like told him that there’s a reason for that, but he might not believe it & he promised me that he would indeed believe me no matter what (he was rlly curious- it was kinda cute ajdjjsmmsjdkdbdk-)! and yeah in my dr the idea of shifting is vaguely well known, and so while he didn’t exactly know what it was, he had like heard of it before which made explaining it a lot easier- i didn’t tell him anything about my cr tho (not yet at least). but i asked him if he has a big secret too that he could tell me, so we’d be even (i was hoping he’d tell me about OfA), but he didn’t ;-;

this is also not quite a story but i want to mention how much i love hugging bakugou- that was literally one of the first things i did when i got there and i still love that memory so much ajdjdkdbjdjdjd-

and misa braided my hair a few times- ajdjjdbxkdjdkd that made me so soft like omg- [insert heart eyes]

ALSO- bakugou’s cooking!!! agdjbdkxhdkd it’s so good!!! if you ever shift go mha (or any reality he could be in), you have to try literally anything from him (if you like spicy food that is)!! like it’s so delicious it’s not even funny lol- (the way this is already the second time i’ve mentioned food- oop-)

i also scripted that L & light (death note) are actually friends in my dr!! and let me tell you- when they actually get along they are so mean to others akdjdkbdkdjdk- like not mean as in insults but like it’s just so obvious that they think of others as idiots- which like understandable but still- ajdjkshdjdjd- and fun fact: light is lowkey a teacher’s pet sometimes- and he gets along surprisingly well w iida- (stain hasn’t shown up yet in my dr, but i’m curious to see if their almost-friendship would change after that)

if you’d like me to tell more stories in the future, or you have any other questions, lmk!! :D and thank u if you read this far uwu

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marshieee · 3 years

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If my fic “we just changed” was a show.

Interview with the cast!

Cast: Y/N, osamu, atsumu, suna, futakuchi, aone, and aj (me)

A/N: just wanted to make this cuz it was funny in my head lmao

Atsumu

Interviewer: so what was your favorite part?

Atsumu: of course the part where i was featured in!

Interviewer: oh! Looks like you had fun filming that?

Atsumu: ya bet! I got to punch samu in the face!

Interviewer: punch? Like fake punch right?

Atsumu: no...

Interviewer: n-no?

Atsumu: *shakes his head*

Interviewer: ....

Atsumu: ....

Atsumu: ehem anyways...*nervous laugh*

Atsumu: PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR STORY “WE JUST CHANGED” BY AUTHOR AJ AKA MARSHIEEE!! AND ALSO PLEASE DO SEND HATE TO SAMU!!! I WOULD LOVE TO READ THAT!!

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Osamu

Interviewer: so osamu who’s your favorite cast?

Osamu: of course it would be y/n and aone

Interviewer: and why is that?

Osamu: well for starters y/n is really nice and kind, she’s also very friendly so we got along very quickly.

Osamu: aone was pretty nice too, he’s kinda intimidating at first given by his height but when you get to know him, he’s actually a very nice person.

Interviewer: have you formed a friendship with the two?

Osamu: oh yes most definitely.

Interviewer: then who is the cast that you don’t get along with?

Osamu: ....that’s pretty obvious of course that shit head brother of mine atsumu.

Interviewer: o-oh

Osamu: the director said to fake a punch that dipshit literally punched me in the face!

Interviewer: i heard..

Osamu: now we have to take a break for a day since my lips were swollen

Osamu: and the director said he was kinda satisfied because we don’t have to take any takes anymore because that was perfect!

Interviewer: um please calm down.

Osamu: oh sorry, please check out our story “we just changed” by author aj aka marshieee, AND I KNOW IM A SHIT IN THE STORY BUT PLEASE DO ME JUSTICE ATSUMU LITERALLY PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE THAT ASS—

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Y/N

Interviewer: so y/n what is your opinion about the show?

Y/N: it’s overwhelming especially when we released the first part and it immediately got a lot of attention! I really didn’t expected that

Y/N: I also love the story especially the angst hahahaha.. actually I’m a sucker for angst

Interviewer: hurt to comfort?

Y/N: uh huh

Interviewer: well i most preferred comedy.

Interviewer: anyways, do you get along with everybody?

Y/N: very much! The staffs are nice, director too! I got along with the cast just fine! They were sweet and fun to be with.

Y/N: i also never expected that miss aj would be in the cast! She’s very nice, helping me with my lines and what exact emotions I should show.

Interviewer: I’m glad to hear that anything you wanna say to the people?

Y/N: Yes, thank you for the support and please keep supporting us in the next upcoming parts! And do check out “we just changed” by author aj aka marshieee!

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Interviewer: thank you for having me today

Aj: with pleasure

Interviewer: so how do you feel being a cast on your own story?

Aj: it’s actually a bit weird feeling.

Interviewer: how so?

Aj: well my character is a hoe in the story if you can tell hahahaha... but I’m not complaining since i was the one who made it.

Interviewer: i see, then may i know how do you feel about the intimate part with osamu?

Aj: oh! The part one?

Interviewer: yes

Aj: it wasn’t that intimate actually but it took us few takes since me and samu gets shy after the kiss hahahahaha...

Interviewer: will y/n get a happy ending or not?

Aj: I’m still thinking about that since i would love if y/n don’t but that’s too mean because as you can tell she didn’t do anything wrong osamu was just a big dick.

Interviewer: hmmm... anything you want to say?

Aj: right um thank you so much for the supporters of our story “we just changed” especially those devoted readers and watchers! I know who you are and i love you so so much! Please let’s be moots or something🥺❤️ and please continue supporting our story!

Interviewer: i heard you had another story that’s on going?

Aj: ah yes! Please do also check out bokuto’s story “home” give the baby love😭

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Suna

Interviewer: so suna how was your time in the film?

Suna: it was fun even though i only got a few screen time I’m pretty sure i out shined the miya twins

Interviewer: i guess you did

Interviewer: did you enjoyed when you’re on the set?

Suna: yeah especially with aj

Interviewer: oh looks like you and miss aj are close?

Suna: of course we are!, we love to tease the twins most especially atsumu hahahahah that dipshit gets provoked easily sometimes

Interviewer: i see, anyone else?

Suna: futakuchi-san, we have the same vibes

Interviewer: would you like to have a scene with Futakuchi?

Suna: oh yes with aj too! Where we tease atsumu and osamu, that would increase the ratings don’t you think?

Interviewer: that...that would...never mind, anything you want to say to the people?

Suna: thanks for the continuous support! Please ask aj do a part featuring me, futakuchi and aj being sassy because we are. Don’t worry I’ll make sure I’ll show up in the upcoming parts.

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Futakuchi

Interviewer: so futakuchi how do you feel about being featured in a side story and part four?

Futakuchi: i feel special, superior to be honest i feel fabulous hahahhahahaha...

Interviewer: how about being y/n’s cousin in the story?

Futakuchi: i feel this older brother vibes you know? Well in the story i am babysitting y/n but also off set

Interviewer: oh really?

Futakuchi: yes hahahahaha.. i take care of her off sets too, she’s like my little sister you know?

Interviewer: you do have a little sister right? Maybe your brother instincts are kicking in whenever you’re around y/n

Futakuchi: probably, that is possible because she do remind me of my baby sister.

Interviewer: should we be expecting something from you in the upcoming parts?

Futakuchi: *shrugs* maybe? Who knows right?

Interviewer: it’s up to miss aj huh?

Futakuchi: yep

Interviewer: anything you would like to add?

Futakuchi: ah yes i know the others already said this but thank you for all the support! And keep supporting our “we just changed” it’ll be a blast.

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Aone

Interviewer: aone hello!

Aone: hi! Thank you for having me today

Interviewer: so aone how do you feel being casted?

Aone: i never really expected that I’ll be casted actually

Interviewer: oh really?

Aone: hahaha.. yes so it was shocking at first when she said that I’m part of the story.

Interviewer: i heard she personally wanted you to be part of it since she really likes you.

(Aj in the background: TRUE)

Aone: *laughs*

Interviewer: but how about your screen time? How do you feel about it?

Aone: i think it’s good, the story is mainly focused to the two main characters so yeah..

Aone: i may not have a lot of screen time but i do know that my character had a huge role on helping y/n move on and i think that’s enough for me.

Interviewer: i am glad to hear that, anything you wish to say?

Aone: thank you so much for appreciating our story believe me we appreciate you MORE and please keep on supporting us! To our devoted readers and watchers i would just like to say i love you so so much please take care of yourself.

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We just changed masterlist is right here! If you want to binge read it why not? Reblogs are also appreciated❤️ accepting mutuals also! Requests are open too so feel free to request anything just read this simple rules.

My inbox are always open so don’t be shy to interact with me🥺👉👈 , and i really want to make an event but I’m afraid that no one will participate. But anyways have a good day and thank you again! I’ll do my best to keep you from starving my darlings💕

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #fluff #funny #miya twins #atsumu #osamu #reader #author aj #Futakuchi #suna #aone #osamu x reader #osamu fic #roleplay #hq

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futurewriter2000 · 4 years

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I guess, I was designed to walk alone

And you know what? At first I was like how could I have gone from so many friends to friendless, basically. I thought, for a second, that maybe- just maybe there was something wrong with me?

Is it? I mean, there is still this doubt of thinking that I was toxic and maybe I was but that’s not the reason. The reason that I am friendless is because I am tired of having fake friends. I am tired of thinking that I have friends but at the end of the day, when I have so much on my mind, I actually don’t have anybody.

Because look it that way? The story if you were stuck somewhere without any gass, who would you call? To be honest? My mom because I know that she is the only person who will pick up the goddamn phone and come and get me.

Like one person. One. Like even the family that do have beside my mom, wouldn’t come and get me. Sisiter, dad, cousins, bullshit family? Like mom. Mom would come and get me.

Like I am screaming and typing this because today I got ready- prety. I was pretty and I really did not want to out but my best “friend” wanted to go to sheesha, which is like a thing where you inhale steam with flavor. And I didn’t want that because I honestly am determined to inhale only air in my life. I don’t want to inhale any other substance that isn’t oxygen but I still told her we could go but that I won’t do sheesha. I forced myself to go because of her, because I am her best friend, because I am there for her. And I got pretty! I put makeup! I made my hair pretty! And then she texts me she can’t go.

And I texted her back ok and forreal I thought that I wasn’t mad. I thought. As you can see now, I realized I’m pissed.

But lately she’s been pissing me off and I thought that maybe it was because I need to get my period and that this will pass but guess what it didn’t pass and up until like few minutes ago I was like calm. I was like “whatever” to the canceled plans. But I didn’t want to start drama and shit and I texted normally and then... I realized something else.

I text her like seconds after she texts me. And do you know when she texts me? Hours after I text her. And you know who she texts seconds after? - A guy, a “friend”

LIKE I MADE HER SO MANY FAVORS! I PUT SO MUCH EFFORT AND LOVE AND TRUST INTO OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT I EVEN LET MYSELF GO OVER MY FAMILY’S COMFORT (which tbh I don’t care cuz my family sucks) AND LET THE GUY AND HER SLEEPOVER AT MY PLACE! BECAUSE HER MOTHR DOES NOT APPROVE! OF HIM! AND HER!

It was literally so uncomfortable because they kept kissing and touching and shit in front of me and I told her that I’m not doing that anymore. Like no fucking shit I will be like an excuse for their pathethic, cowardly ass.

I genuenly belived her, you know....becuase I trusted that she won’t be like the others. Like all of those- like the others that I got rid of because they didn’t even care the slightest for me. And... she just uses me and it took me today to realize that. And gotta say, that shit hurts as fuck!

And I’m okay with it because deep down I knew it all the time, I just ignroed the feeling for so long because I hoped it wouldn’t be true. But gotta say, I need to trust my gut and intuition more often because my heart be a dumbass.

I’ve bee manipulated and used for my kindness and my freakingly awful dumbass good of a heart that I try to like make meaner but it doesn’t freaking work! LIKE GET MEAN YOU FUCKIGN STUPID HEART! BE MEAN!

I mean to be honest I feel it getting colder and the walls keep bulding bro, brick by brick just because people let me down and manipulated me- and now I’m friendless and closed off and basically I’d rather be alone that have “friends” like that.

Now the bracelet that her mom got us for our friendship is on my shelf and my wrist is waiting for a replacement, which for now is just a head-band.

I hope she and the guy find shit, be happy, figure it out but I’m done man. I can’t worry about this shit anymore. I don’t want to stress and write rants like this because of one person. Like I can’t. I want to be successful and burdon free. I don’t want this energy of- whatever this is.

I got myself and like I said. I was designed to walk alone and I am not afraid of doing that anymore.

#rant

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

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You? Disappoint me? As if!! omg— you could do LITERALLY anything, and I'd still be so proud of of you😭😭

the coordination tho ksndksnsn very very impressive on their part, HAHA. I'm involved in a ton of groupchats on whatsapp, so I low-key just mute everything and get stressed whenever I check it 😃🔫 so I've found a better way with dealing with all of that— by ignoring the app entirely and pretending it doesn't exist 🎉🎉🎉🎊

😔she's having a great time with her cousins, im so jealous I wish I had a functional extended family :D oops sorry XD but noooo wdym you always keep me company anyways, whether she's here or not, and I look forward to your messages, whether I'm busy or lonely. My love for you is one of those things that'll never change.

OMG BAE YOU ASKED FOR A HUG THIS IS A CODE RED *HUGS YOU TIGHTLY AND NEVER LETS GO* :DDDDDD pls smile I'm virtually hugging you—

😔sorry luv, can't help you there, he seems to talk like a Jedi, so the force must be with him— and who am I to go against minors on the internet who hold cute adorable guys hostage anyways? 🤷😝💖 Oh he sounds psycho :O I'll probably watch it after money heist!! YEAH angel recommended sweet home to me too. She said it was my "quarantine homework" and that I had to "watch it before school starts, or she'd disown me and burn our friendship" or something like that😾 our friends are very "passionate" about their movie recommendations, huh?

snow 😭😭 if I ever experience it in another country, I'll do the same.

YES!! there's four seasons rn tho, so best of luck to the both of you xx

That's one of the sweetest things, I'm glad you think of me :) I think of you before going on walks too, since you love going on them. Oops okie dokes 😭 not dumb then— I'm just shy in general LEAVE ME ALONE I GET FLUSTERED SOMETIMES. no don't leave me alone ilu

awww it's okay!! I understand, tho I did miss you :D 💖💖💖 I'm gonna sleep now too, and probably start studying in the morning >.< I hope you sleep well, my love. And have the sweetest dreams. You deserve it, and I hope tomorrow goes wonderfully for you. I love you so so so very much!!

—miss. i'll-build-a-tiny-snowman-someday-for-you :D

Ahah, well, the same goes for you!! You can trip and I'll say "how graceful😍" unironically and I'll help you stand up too dw💕💕

Ehh same, my classmates are stupid edgelords and even though I love them, I hate them😐 but yeah some stuff they joke around about kind of brings me down, so I ignore them mostly and never write in the chat, unless I wanna help them cheat XD cuz I'm generous like that and wanna watch them crumble down on an actual exam- I mean uh

Me too, I really never even try making contact with any of my extended family members, they're too, uh... yeah:// so I understand. It makes me happy hearing that though, I'm glad<33

*happiness* boo hoo I am trapped what shall I do ... *does nothing except hug you back* TRUST ME I AM SMILING THIS IS ALL I WANT😭😩😩💞💞

How could you, you have betrayed me😭😭 but I guess youre right, the young boy is too powerful~ Yeah he kinda is a psycho, but hes a nice guy kinda I guess, and hes the manager of a book store, too, which is 😍. Woah there, Angel is a bit extreme, ey? xDD That's actually so funny I'm--

AHAHAH FOUR SEASONS NOOO THATS GONNA BE A COMPETITION THEN😭😭 I'll do my best to win this time I guess😩😭 (oh this is weird out of context, me and Kuro have binging competitions sometimes if the show has more than 20 episodes XD)

Awhh that's so sweet😭💘 Heheh understandable, dont worry, I find shy people cute^^ I'm not leaving you any time soon sunshine 😡💘💘

I missed you too😭😭 I really hope you sleep well tonight, tomorrow is Monday again🙄 I hope it goes well for you!! I love you a lot, thank you for your messages, and I'll say it again, I love you so, so much!!!

#Ari💕#how about ms. we-will-build-a-snowman-together?

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mileycfan4eva33 · 4 years

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Fandom: SVU

Title:Epitaph Song

Chapter: 1 Down South

P O V: Amanda Rollins

Billy's Diner

Loganville, GA 2020

(A/N: Thank you as always for the readers who take the time to review, favorite or follow. As usual I own none of these SVU characters just my original characters. All others belong to NBC, Dick Wolf and Wold Ent. Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic, I am still deciding if Noah dose or not. If you have a preference as to if you want Noah in it or not hit me up reviews motivate me.)

"Oh, Air Condition, thank God! It's hotter than a roasted pig on a skewer out there." Olivia Benson's laugh is light and airy as we enter the restaurant. "Oh, Amanda, I love your expressions, don't ever change. Seriously your southern drawl is so cute. Don't ever lose it."

"No worries, Olivia; it's been nearly ten years since I moved to New York. I haven't lost it yet." "Thanks again for coming down south with me. It means a lot."

"Your welcome Amanda, are you feeling any better since this weekend?" Shaking the soreness out of my weary bones I feel a yawn snaking up my jawlines as I try to fight it off to no avail, the yawn is relentless in its attempt to escape.

"A little thanks I am still tired and nausea I don't know why I slept all weekend, yet I still feel dizziness not as much as this weekend, but I am still weakened almost as if I am drained of all energy." Sliding into the booth, I lean back against the cool plastic backboard. "I'm sorry for calling out on you this weekend, Captain."

"Amanda, please, stop don't worry about it your health is too important don't apologize." "I am sorry, Liv, not just for this weekend, but now we're both away from NYC."

"Because your dad passed away, Amanda, we're not here on vacation. Kat and Fin understand, and Chief Garland sent two detectives to help out, SVU is covered. Please take some of this concern and apply it to yourself; you lost your dad. I know you haven't been close to him in years, but he is still your dad, give yourself the allowance to mourn, Amanda. Don't hide your emotions down and pretend that everything is perfectly fine."

"I don't think it's hit me yet, Olivia. I just don't feel anything." Olivia's hand slips over my hand as we lay them on the table, waiting on the waitress to come over to us. "It will Amanda, I don't know when sweetie, it may take weeks, days, months, but it will hit you. I just want you to know that I am here, honey, whenever you want to talk."

"Thank you, Liv; I appreciate this jester I know we haven't always been close, but I love the friendship that has been built over the last four years." "As do I Amanda. I love the trust that we've built within each other, the respect. Where is the waitress?"

"Liv, it's the south; we take our sweet time with everything, ain't no rushin' in the country life."

"You ever miss living down here, Peach?" "Honestly, Liv, there are parts I miss like my family, friends. I miss the comfort in knowing there is always someone here who will have your back. What I don't miss is everyone knowing everyone else business."

"Is that a true thing? Everyone else knows each other's business?"

As if God was given me a clue incomes Betsy Jane Rose "Oh, my bless my heart Amanda-Taylor Rollins, is that truly you?" I pick my head up, gritting my teeth as she comes flying inside the restaurant arms wild "Betsy Jane Mary-Sue it sure is, wow child it's been yonders since you've rolled back into these parts."

"Oh, I am so sorry about your daddy, such a shame bless your heart honey-bee."

"Oh well, how sweet of you, Ms. Betsy, so very kind of you thank you, how did you hear about my daddy's passing per se? We didn't put it in the Tribune or online."

"Oh, Sugar, you know how these things work, Lord, who needs that dingy old paper when we gave word of mouth. Has it been that long Darlin? Surely you remember the good old Betsy-Jane- Mary-Sue train."

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Oh Amanda, let me enlighten you wow New York City has slapped you silly, child. Anyways So Mary-Jo Higgins oh heavens I was born at night, but not last night! Duh, of course, you don't know who Mary-Jo Higgins is, well back in our days of youth she went by Mary-Jo Robins, so any who baby, Mary-Jo is now an RN."

"That's a Registered Nurse, by the way." "Yes, Ms. Rose, I know what an RN is."

"So yeah Mary-Jo works a that's Loganville Medical Center where your daddy was brought to by the Ambulance. So Mary-Jo was there when he passed bless his heart so Mary-Jo well you know good ol' Mary-Jo never could keep a secret so of course, she told her Mama who had to run down to the Salon to say to Ms. Sue who of course told the whole Salon."

Both of us laugh, "How did you find out, darlin?"

"Oh, you know this little thing called HIPPA they like to notify the Next of Kin, and since my parents you know divorced many moons ago, that would make me the eldest child his next of kin, since he hasn't gotten to remarry yet."

"Speaking of kin-folk dear, where is that sister of yours? She straighten her life out yet? Kimberly coming on her own?"

"No, Ma'am, I'm afraid she ain't gonna make it, you know the whole being in jail thing it kind of puts a cramp on a person's freedom. Thank you so much for coming over though, I sure don't want to keep you."

I don't give her a chance to answer quickly, sliding back into the booth turning to Olivia. Just as our waitress comes over. "good afternoon- honey pies, what can I get you ladies?" after we order, I lean back as Olivia starts to laugh, unable to hold in her amusement over Ms. Rose any longer. "So that's how news travels down south Captain." eagle eyeing Betsy across the room, I can already see she's on her cell phone. "Well, the whole damn town will know I am back soon enough." "that has to be frustrating, Amanda." "Oh, Liv, you ain't got a clue. Every day dealing with women like, is there any doubt about why I got out of here faster than a bat out of hell."

I stay silent about the other reason I left Georgia as soon as I was old enough my sexuality there's no room for differences here in the good old south. No way could I tell Olivia this though she has no idea I am a lesbian. "So, is your Mom coming?" "Lord, no Liv she's up in NY taking care of Mason, Mama said she was sorry the son of a bitch died, but she dumped his ass years ago, let his new hussy handle the affairs."

"My dear new sister, who I haven't even met yet. She's handling everything as per my dad's living will."

"Amanda, I am so sorry." "Don't be Olivia, I am fine." "Of course you are." I don't reply not because I don't have the response in me but because the doors burst open and a vast mass of people come pouring into the already packed diner.

"Amanda! It is true! You are back!" Tommy Jake Edwards "TJ" calls out "Yo Ms. Betsy Jane was right boys. Good Ol Rollins is back in town." there are rumblings from the entire group of men "Liv meet the former jocks of Loganville High School Pyro Red Devils who ruled LHS's halls from 1996-1999."

"Rollins, how can you sneak back into town and say nothing? Yo, Rollins, that is rude! I thought we were your boys!"

"Bump that T-rolls, I am pissed forget these clowns, I am your cousin! Uncle Jimmy is my kin-folk too. Where's my love?"

"Hey, Jensen, I just got back into town like literally ten minutes ago. I'm sorry it's been crazy these last few days. My head is still spinning. I haven't told anyone yet, sorry, truly."

Jensen's arms wrap around me tightly. "No worries, cuz. I got you. I am sorry I know you and your Pa wasn't close but damn it still sucks." "Thanks, Jensen, yeah, it does."

Coming out of his hug, I'm met by his brother Blake who I hug as tightly. "Yo boys will catch you later going to hang with family." the rest of the crew waves blowing me kisses as Liv, and I make room for these two. "Hi. I'm Olivia Benson, Amanda's boss, and friend."

"Oh honey-child we know who you are, we've heard all about you now haven't we Blake?" "Oh, yes, Yes, we have well let us introduce ourselves since Miss. Amanda has the manners of a pig. I am Blake Yankee; Jensen is my twin brother; our Mama is Amanda's dad sister."

"Were you three close growing up?" "Oh, tighter than chili papers, Mama, us, and our uncle TC's kids, our cousins Alonso and Scottie, are coming in tomorrow." "They called us the Rollin- Yankee-Terrors." Sipping my sweet tea, I groan, remembering all the names the seven of us use to get growing up. "don't tell her that she is my boss."

"Oh relax Junebug, it ain't like I told her about the time you put laxatives in Ernie Reynaldo's cornbread when you were ten and locked him in the outhouse for the whole day and told our teacher he ran away to the circus."

Olivia laughs so loudly. I feel my temperature rise in my face. "You what?" my face buries into the palms of my hands. "Yo, boy, that was nothing. Remember when we were twelve, and Kyle Kane told Manda she was uglier than a burnt barn, she took his pants and underwear while he was changing and threw it into the river."

Both boys bang on the table laughing, shoving each other as Olivia arched an eyebrow in my direction "Oh, yeah I do, she let the anger seethe inside all week till Saturday when the whole town was gathered for the annual fishing competition. When Kyle's dad was with the reporter for Atlanta news, Kyle comes walking bare-ass naked; the entire town saw him walking his little dude swinging in the breeze. Kyle was grounded for months. "

My embarrassment only increases as I lay my head down, groaning while all three laugh. "Oh, God, even as a kid, Amanda, you were a rule-breaker and a little shit-head." I feel Olivia's hand stroke mine laughing as she hangs her head down tears running down her face, which a lovely rose color.

I only pick my head up when the food arrives, feeling my whole body shiver and jolt as I lean back, smelling the greasy food. Reaching for the ketchup, I pop a fry in my mouth. I still can't shake this feeling of being drained or the tightness in my head.

"Oh My." another voice pops into my world as I see Mr. Jason Axson and Mrs. Janet Axson coming in with their two kids Christopher 17, Savannah 14. her voice cuts through the air. "How are you, Sugar?' "I am just peachy; thank you, just enjoying dinner with my family, here."

"Oh, of course, we don't mean to interrupt. You could use the food; obliviously, you are mighty thin sugar. Your daddy was right; they are working your tail to its bone up there in that big city unless you are sick again, darling."

"No Ma'am, I am right as a peach as I said, but I am trying to enjoy my dinner." "Yeah, Janet let these nice folks eat; worry about our own family; I do apologize, Miss. Amanda lovely to see you again, we shall pop in at another time."

Olivia's eyes stare right into mine. I know she's wondering about the "Are you sick again" line my face flushes as I look down, avoiding her eyes and the question. Another part of my past she has no idea about, My stomach rolls as I think about all the secrets and pressures I have on top of me, none of which Olivia needs to add to her plate.

"I need to use the bathroom, I'll be back, excuse me." getting up I start to head there, of course, a two-minute walk becomes ten as I am stopped by multiple people offering their condolences. My back hits the wall just as another wave of dizziness hits me; I do everything inside of me not to show it to anyone, I can see Olivia's eyes on me from across the room. Yet it isn't Olivia who catches my attention, rare I know.

This time, Savannah's voice so young, scared, and nervous. I am standing right next to their table as I hear Savannah say. "Mama, Daddy, I have something to tell you." Savannah's beautiful emerald eyes glisten as she stares at her parents. "I am a Lesbian, and I plan to come out this weekend at the prom."

Savannah's courage freezes me. I am forty and don't have the courage she has at fourteen-years-old. I can't think fast enough to react before her mom is out of her chair, smacking Savannah across her face. "You are not gay! Stop your lying, you fifthly whore! Who put these lies in your head? You are a good girl, a good baptist girl. Take it back!"

"No Mama, I can't I won't because I am gay, and yes I am a good girl, I am a baptist and MVP for the last two years in all the southern regions. I will play at college, and I will go pro, and my sexuality won't stop me from doing any of that."

"Fool, of course, it will, but you won't have to because you are not gay!"

"Mama, I am please just listen to me. Stop being such a bitch."

Her dad jumps up, grabbing at Savannah as I react, finally racing towards Savannah as Jason starts yelling. "Don't talk to your mother that way! Ever! No daughter of mine will be a sinner! I could deal with you being pregnant, not this! This is unforgivable. You either get over this phrase you little slut or you are OUT OF THIS FAMILY! Let's go now, Christopher, Janet leave her."

I hurry towards Savannah, who is trying with her whole body to remain strong as her family walks out. I know her face is stinging from the assault, but it's nothing like the pain in her soul. The rest of the restaurant sits there, not offering to help just turning to their families. My hands connect to Savannah's as I help her sit down "Sweetie, I am so sorry that your parents reacted to you."

"It's okay, ma'am, I excepted this. It was so so stupid-crazy to even except for any different outcome."

"No honey, it isn't it's not crazy or stupid to except unconditional love from your family; that's what parents are supposed to do. Of course, you wanted to tell them living in secrets, hiding who you are, it's exhausting. The if only or what-ifs or the I should have's, they take their tolls."

"It's 2020, not 1990 times have changed; maybe the south should catch up." My hands rub Savannah's back softly. "I'm from here honey, so I get it baby-girl I know how scary accepting your sexuality is, I know how painful it is to hold this all inside, to feel as if you ain't normal simply because you don't feel fireworks when the popular jocks kiss you."

"I knew that when I was thirteen, I felt it already I was great to hang out with boys all day when it came to playing ball, or telling dirty jokes or pulling pranks, but when it came to who I was attracted to sexually or emotionally, guys they just didn't do it for me. I could feel myself gravitating toward girls in ways that I didn't with boys."

"Don't let your sexual identity label you or define you—whether it be as lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or another term—how you choose to label yourself is not based on a checklist. You can still be everything you just told your parents; you can play any instrument you want to learn, you can be the best damn softball player this world's ever seen."

"Savannah, I started figuring it out at thirteen, but I didn't let myself act physically until I was 16, I kissed a girl at a party for the first time, and it was magical. Everything flowed so naturally, my body just knew what to do. I reacted to her in a way that felt right—the way I had always envisioned the first kiss to be. I tried saying I was bisexual for a quick minute and even had sex with several guys to prove that I wasn't an abomination the way the church, my family, and everyone else in this town always said gay people are. Still, I could feel myself gravitating toward girls in ways that I didn't with boys."

"Did your family accept you?"

"I don't know I never told anyone I was too scared. It was a different time back then before it got better or internet support. There were no Gay pride parades even now at forty living in NYC, a place filled with cultural and sexuality differences. I am still living in that small-town mindset. I can't tell anyone. I can't even tell the woman who I am madly in love with who I know is so accepting of people. Because I am still afraid that even with an open mind as beautiful as Olivia's, I am afraid she'll reject me."

"Savannah, I know this feels like the end of the world right now, it's not I am right by your side. I will support you; you can stay with me. Will get through this together."

"Thank you, Miss. Amanda. Thank you so much. I think you should tell this Olivia lady how you feel. Even with my parent's rejection, I feel such a weight off my chest; I feel as if I can finally breathe."

"Amanda, maybe you should listen to Savannah, she seems like a brave young lady, and I love women who are strong in body, mind, and spirit. You have a very sexy strong body, and I know your mind is sharp, so if you get some balls Amanda and tell me how you feel face to face, I think we might be able to make a beautiful connection, of our minds, souls and our bodies." Olivia's voice completely freezes every sense, emotion and body function inside of me. I can't speak, think, move or even breathe.

Did she just hear me confess my deepest feelings for her?

#rolivia #svu season 21 #svu fanfiction #svu fandom #amanda rollins #olivia benson

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trouvelle · 5 years

Text

Emogust 26.08 — Roommates

A/N: Halfway through writing this... I realized I had no plot. This is simply a plunnie heavily inspired by (if not based on) Friends! Forgive me ;A; School just started again, I had to tearfully bid my goodbye to summer break, and that resulted in this really late entry. @mintchocolateleaves @sup-poki ily’all !!

In the years Kaito has been legally allowed to drink, he’s made some pretty important discoveries about himself.

The first is that he really, really appreciates their guys’ night in. They do shots when they first start hanging out, sit in the corner of Saguru’s apartment (because he doesn’t have any roommates nor a girlfriend who would kick him in the ass for drenching the apartment with the smell of alcohol). He likes having his back against the cold concrete wall, the liquid cooling his throat as he feels the familiar buzz swelling in his stomach. But no matter how pleasant, it’s not really worth the shivering, anxious mess it makes him the next morning, when he’s trying to fight off the raging nausea.

He steers clear of tequila for a while after that.

So it probably should have been easier to foresee, the other discovery. Kaito and Heiji both bond really well. And they both can be really persuasive especially on the nights when Shinichi and Saguru want to be completely sober. Their excuse has always been the same—that they have jobs they want to keep. Come on, all of them have to go to work too in the morning, goddammit. Those two just don’t want to admit that they’re fucking lightweights.

Kaito just doesn’t want to be alone in his misery. Heiji knows this, knows that Kaito is a social drinker, likes it only when he’s got someone else worse off than he is. The Osakan himself is never one to back down from any challenges. And Kaito is an impressionable drunk, will do just about anything so long as someone thinks to ask. They’re an awesome pair.

The last discovery he makes isn’t so much a discovery as it is a revelation and an inquiry. And it isn’t so much made as it is stumbled upon in the dark with bare feet and a whole lot of disorientation. It happens one of the nights when all four of them were hanging out and drinking in the huge apartment that Kaito, Shinichi and Heiji share.

And Kaito finds out that he’s really bad at keeping things to himself like this, when it’s just the four of them, a little buzzed and a lot open. He feels like he could tell them anything, because they know him now, they’ve stuck together and survived four years of college. That’s saying a lot.

So he feels safe, and he doesn’t even turn to one of them when he says, “I haven’t said “I love you” to Aoko. Do you think I should say it now?”

He doesn’t even notice the room had been so loud until it goes silent. It feels like a blanket, thick and heavy and stifling, and he turns his head to find Heiji staring down at him incredulously from the couch. He’s sitting with one leg thrown over the side. It’s close enough that Kaito could reach out and grab his ankle down, if he wanted, if he didn’t feel like that might not be such a good idea right now. “She’s not here though,” The dark-skinned guy points out.

Kaito regards his roommate in annoyance, “Thanks for stating the obvious.”

Even Shinichi pipes up, “You mean, this whole time you two have been dating, you’ve never once said it to her?"

He winces. “Is it that bad?” he asks, because why the hell not? They’ve all shared secrets bigger than this, right? This isn’t even that big a deal, in the grand scheme of things, whatever that might be. “Although I probably shouldn’t ask you. I know you and Ran say it all the time.”

See, it’s unfair because their situations are completely different. Shinichi and Ran has been together since forever. The pair are a match made in heaven. Shinichi has a steady job as a professor in Tokyo University (The hottie of the Criminology Department, as Shinichi himself puts it.), and Ran is the star teacher in Teitan. Their relationship is solid. Their parents are also really good friends, and they’re bound to get married one day, if not soon. Shinichi is the type to, say, seize every opportunity he can get. That includes telling his girlfriend that he loves her every chance he can. But it’s also because he’s a big, sappy softie underneath his ever-silent and calculating exterior.

The sole reason Kaito has been hesitating to say it to Aoko is because he isn’t sure that he can make her happy like Shinichi does with Ran. He knows full well that Aoko loves him the same way, that she might even love him more than he does. Part of him has always been certain that she’s the one who he will grow old with, because he doesn’t want anyone but her. But what if she can finds someone else, someone better, who can offer her an even happier future for her? He’s an entertainer, for God’s sake, he doesn’t have an elite job in an elite university like his cousin does.

“Are you gonna do it right now?” Saguru asks, chuckling a little under his breath.

Kaito isn’t sure if he’s drunk enough to be that impulsive, just that he feels loose and comfortable. He doesn’t see what the big deal is. Except, it kind of is a big deal. Has been kind of a big deal for a while now, so much so that he’s been wanting to say it for years. Just to say it, because it’s felt like a weight on his chest for too long.

Also because he sees it in Aoko’s eyes, the flash of jealousy in her eyes whenever Shinichi and Ran calls out the three magical words to each other in the smallest of occasion here and there throughout the day. The hint of amusement accompanied by something none other than a dash of envy whenever Heiji and Kazuha calls each other by their infamous pet name “Ahou” like it’s their own version of “I love you”.

“Hang on there. I’m not like Kudo here who needs to say it every five seconds.” He can feel the corners of his mouth sneaking upwards. You know what, maybe he should do it right now. Aoko and the girls’ apartment is literally across the hallway.

If he does it right, it could be a good thing. And this too, is a good thing, this blossoming friendship. Because they are about to have a lot more milestones to achieve.

“Or, you know, you don’t have to verbally say it. Show that you love her through your actions,” Saguru points out, his slim fingers moving in a motion for Kaito to pass him another bottle of beer. Kaito does so with a scowl. “Yeah, like I haven’t been doing that all these times.”

Shinichi decides to give his cousin a little push. “You know, the first time I said it to Ran and she said it back, it easily became one of the most special nights I’ve ever spent with her. But then again, there were also fireworks because we so happened to be in Niagara Falls.”

Heiji face morphs into a scowl. “Yeah, yeah, like you haven’t hogged all the beautiful backdrops already.” But as quickly as his scowl comes, it leaves, his expression changes into a content one. “I remember mine too. It was an amazing night, followed by something even more amazing. Saying those three words can be a way to begin it. ‘Cuz that was also the first time Kazuha and I—”

“Dude,” Kaito narrows his eyes dangerously at him. He’d rather not hear the details, thank you very much.

Knowing that his sister has done it—and quite often too—has made him quite angry at first. Kazuha’s his little sister, and that gives him every right to keep tabs on her and control over what she should and shouldn’t be doing. But the girl is stubborn in every way. Like how he doesn’t approve of her choice of being a model, but she still chooses that path anyway. He’s proud of her all right, because she’s doing so well. She’s appeared in quite a lot of commercials and magazine covers, getting photoshoot offers here and there.

Not that he’s not proud of Aoko too. She’s rapidly climbing her way up the nurses rank in Todai Hospital, and it’s one of the best hospitals in the whole world. “At least none of us has to worry about alcohol poisoning,” Heiji once remarked, “We’ve got an actual living first-aid box with us.”

Kaito’s main concern only lies in the fact that there are many male nurses too in addition to the number of good-looking male doctors who might potentially steal Aoko’s heart away, who would’ve thought?

Speaking of the male population... he turns his attention back to the three familiar faces in the room. Shinichi is now the one leading the conversation, stern and oh-so-like the leader of their little gang. It’s just natural in their dynamic, he thinks.

Shinichi is their all prismatic and crystal-clear fluid, and Saguru is the solid rock, where Heiji is the unpredictable fire roaring all around them, where Kaito is the all-rushing wind above them.

Ten years ago, if someone had told him he would spend most of his time with a Criminology professor, an IT procurements manager with the specialization Statistical Analysis and Data Reconfiguration (it’s amazing how he remembers the exact name of Heiji’s job, seriously, all of them simply refers to him as a transponster)—both of whom highlight as criminal investigators together on the side—and a stuck-up lawyer from a fancy law school in England (Kudo and Hattori both have really boring jobs when they’re not out solving cases, but what Hakuba does is the literal definition of boring), he wouldn’t have believed it for himself.

But oh, look who he ends up hanging out with almost every single day now.

“Just say it, man. She’s been waiting for it.” someone says. It takes Kaito a second to realize he’s watched Saguru’s lips form the syllables, that the words were said in Saguru’s smooth voice.

Saguru smirks, the corner of his mouth curling up. Kaito’s not very sure through the haze of drunkenness, but he thinks he sees mischief and amusement very evident in the blonde’s face. He turns his head to regard Saguru with hard eyes and waits.

“She makes you happy and you make her happy, that’s all,” is what Saguru says next, and almost in sympathy.

Kaito is pretty sure that’s exactly what Shinichi and Heiji have been telling him to do just a moment ago. But it seems what Saguru says is the one that hits the nail, because Kaito’s face goes from nothing—no emotion, no expression—to fierce determination.

And then Kaito stands, grabs a cup of water, downs it in a go and walk out the door, leaving the three in utter dumbfoundedness.

#DCMKEmogust2019 #Detective Conan #DCMK #Kuroba Kaito #Kaito Kid #Kudo Shinichi #Hattori Heiji #Hakuba Saguru #I just had to make kaito and kazuha siblings again bc they'd be amazing siblings #fight me on this #if you missed the friends references..#shinichi is sorta ross #kaito is sorta joey #heiji is sorta chandler #and saguru is idk.. mike? idek yet #but it took so long to decide bc kaito and heiji can both be chandler and joey yknow sksksksk #Friends!AU #oh well this is the friends!AU noone ever asked for #fic

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xuseokgyu · 3 years

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This might be the longest one yet.......... rip. i had some stories to tell.... :((

My job is to mostly to tell people when they make mistakes lmao. i work in document quality control ? for a manufacturing company, mostly check the inspection paperwork and certificates for the medical/surgical devices. and then have to be like this... is not right. fix this. currently have a lot of prototype parts going through which have some added requirements but also they keep changing the prints so then obviously the paperwork then changes and its just been annoying cuz its redo-ing a lot of paperwork.

yeah, that makes sense and that is part of it sometimes... i also think im just not in the mood for certain genres of music at times lol.

lol yeah it was so funny in the beginning she was watching some mv's and kept sending me screenshots of jeonghan with different hair styles with this message "who is this????" and every single time it was still jeonghan. i was just like lmao you should just assume that its jeonghan at this point. her defense was that he looks really different every time he changes his hair. she can recognize him now at least. the only other ones she can recognize currently are s.coups (her current favorite member overall) and vernon (her favorite rapper in their songs - she really like how vernon raps). shes more rap biased lol.

thank you.. you are only a little late lol my bday was the 11th. the last time i played bingo i spent $40 total over two days (80 games @ $0.50/game) and won zero. its a skill... i only got close to bingo (1 space away) like 3 times total. it was really tragic... at one point the lady sitting at the same table as us was just like wow... i haven't seen you even get three in a row since i've been here (which was like an hour).

We went to the same kindergarten, then i moved away and then i moved back in the 8th grade (i also have known the friend that is getting into svt for the same amount of time since she went to that same school, though her family are basically neighbors with my cousins family, and they are really close, so i saw her a lot more overall but wasn't super close to her until more recently actually, when we went to the same wedding (my cousin's) and starting talking again)

also to help this make more sense (as in why would they remember me lol) my graduating class size at that school was only 22 people, and my cousins also went to that same school. my dad went to that school, the english teacher there had taught my dad when he was in high school, its extreme small town vibes. people would literally just recognize what family i came from and just start talking to me. and i'd just be frantically trying to figure out who they were. like oh god oh god am i supposed to know who this is?? have i met this person before???

actually the wackiest thing is one of my friends from when i moved (big school), her grandma, i found out after we moved back to the small town, used to babysit my dad and her grandmas house was literally a mile down the street from us... you could see her grandmas house from our living room windows. i was just like what?? her cousins also then went to the same school as me. and then we fell out of touch but then ended up going to the same college. where she would be like "i saw you on campus today" and i was just like??? i did not see you, where are you? i haven't talked to you in like 3 years wtf?? i'm not in touch with her anymore but my younger sister is currently roommates with her younger sister in college lmao. oh other bizarre thing... one of my classmate's (from the big school) relatives bought the house we sold when i moved in kindergarten, and idk for some reason a few years after we moved we went back to the old house for something idk, and my classmate was visiting her family at my old house at the same time. we saw each other and we just stared at each other like what are you doing here?? we had moved like hour away (highway travel times) lol so it was just so random. (wow i hope these made sense lol)

the heat was worse in the beginning of summer i think... or i've just gotten used to it lol. there was all that smoke though that blew in from canada a bit ago though. but thats almost become a yearly thing now unfortunately. lol your weather sounds like how the weather is here sometimes - i live in minnesota, we are known for our wildly fluctuating weather. extreme highs and lows.

I love piano in music! I had to learn how to play piano as a kid... my grandma taught (most) of the grandchildren. i'm not very good at it tbh i never liked to practice and i havent played in years lol. we also learned how to play the piano/read sheet music when i went to the big school for music class for a year. I feel like if you are able to buy a little cheap or used keyboard it shouldn't be too hard to teach yourself if you wanted to start?? at least simple songs. I guess learning to read music would be the hardest place to start if you've never read sheet music before?? but thats what cheat sheets are for tbh. write the notes in, write them on the keys whatever works. we had a foldable note cheat sheet thing that went behind the keys and said the name of the note and where it was on the staff behind all the keys. when I was learning i'd be like b b b where is the b im looking for... ah here it is *ding* ok and now c ... c . c. ah ha *ding* and then repeat until you can play at a normal speed lol.

oh hands down its Oh My! best summer song lol i love Oh My! .... You Made My Day is also my fav album... what about you?

also what's ur favorite cold drink (#2)? picked this one cuz I have been buying myself bubble tea like once a week almost uhhh all summer lol the tapioca pearls at this place are so much better than other places i've been to and this place has cheese foam that i have also become obsessed with (tho thats very expensive its an extreme treat myself drink add-on lol) the blended mango with cheese foam... so good.... its like $7 though. today i got the normal mango milk tea which i hadn't had in a while cuz i'd been going through the various types of regular? milk tea (made with different types of black tea - i love black tea i have um a lot of tea i think i have like 15 different types rn). Otherwise I almost always have ginger ale in my fridge lol its great for a lot of things and also just to drink. love ginger ale... i just love ginger honestly.....

Is 1am and I should be sleeping but I wanna answer this before reveal day!!!

Best job description 😂😂 I feel like your job is one that can become automatic very easily so I can see how the changes can be annoying

SCoups and Vernon are definitely the ones with more distinctive faces, they were the ones I recognized better first, same for my father... he knows the names of all the members now but he still messes up the three Js hahah Jeonghan Joshua and Jun always take a while for him to recognize, sometimes Wonwoo too, which drives my sister crazy cause two of her three bias are there 😂😂

These small town vibes are so cool! I love that you have this community and managed to form long lasting friendships!! I basically had the same classmates for ten years and as soon as we graduated I lost touch... I made great friends at college tho The pandemic has been hard, we are respecting our health and haven’t seen each other personally since it all started, but I hope once we can meet again everything will go back to how it was between us

I had a situation sort of similar to yours at school too ahha My mom was and had already been a teacher (P.E.) at my school for years so all the staff and a looot of the older students knew who I was, but I had no idea who those people were hahah To this day almost everywhere we go together we will encounter some old student of hers...

Is so cool that your grandma did that! But I can see how it was more a task than something you truly wanted to do so you probably wouldn’t be very excited heheh I was part of a choir growing up and we had sheet music but our teacher never truly showed us how to read it, I know the basics but is literally like a toddler that just learned the alphabet hahah

Oh my! really is THE summer song I completely agree with you there!! I also absolutely loove the mv and whole comeback seemed really cool

Oohh I only had bubble tea once and I want to drink it again!! I only know of one place that sells it here, it is still a pretty new “concept” so there’s not a lot of shops around... And I never had ginger ale! I’m super curious about it cause I’ve heard it being mentioned in, like, tv series, but I don’t drink sodas so I don’t know if I would break my “diet” for a taste heheh My favorite cold drink is lemon iced tea, the ones we have here are really sweet and kinda “sparkling”? (I don’t know how to say it... is almost like a soda but not really 😅) Even during the winter, we drink it during weekends cause is a “special drink” hahahah not a Brazilian thing, just in my house

#hope you had a great weekend anon!!#super curious to reveal day 👀#ask #anon #caratanonevent

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gottaluvvikki · 6 years

Text

(CLICK BAIT) I’m dating my uncle!

Okay, I just started getting involved with my spirituality. Some people can relate and some people think I’m weird, but whatevas. I continue living my best life, but anyways I have a story to tell everyone about my TWIN FLAME and I hopefully you can relate because it’s cra cra up in hurr.

I meet my twin flame and if you’ve ever looked it up. It’s about meeting your other half and normally their your opposite side, so on. How I gain knowledge of this is when I recently talked to a psychic and I asked her if I should break up with my boyfriend because I needed to figure my shit out, but of course she said “he’s actually the one who’s support to be there for you to figure yourself out” me, thinking OMG! HE’S MY SOUL MATE, but I had to simmer down and be realistic. She didn’t say he WAS my soul mate, but simply said he’s suppose to help me. This is where I went to YOUTUBE and coincidentally the first thing I saw was click bait “WHEN YOU’VE FOUND YOUR TWIN FLAME”, I’m like brah you got me. I looked at it, and I’m convinced I’ve meet my twin flame because it says meeting your twin flame is magical and like a romantic movie. BUT when I think about romantic movies I think of K dramas cuz they get to me, right in my heart. BUT ANY WHO, here’s my love story:

The man I’m dating now used to my uncle in law. I know it sounds dramatic, weird, and maybe disgusting because that’s how I’ve thought of it. However, we meet in middle school and he was my age. Now, the first time I meet him I was hanging out with my favorite cousins, Ho and Long. They were a couple of years younger than me, but we shared the same environment and interest. We all went swimming at my cousins apartment. Once I got there they said Alex is coming and I was like who? I thought it was one of their friends and I’m used to it. Alex comes and he’s a complete A-HOLE! Rude, mean, and aggressive. He was so mean to me that I chased him out of the lot until I ran back and so did he. We ended up touching hands trying to open the gate, but when I touched his hand it felt like a million butterflies rushed into my body. It literally stopped me from where I was standing to adjust to the feeling. Until, I heard “Ew you touched my hand” Boy did I get annoyed. After that I told Ho to tell Alex that I liked him. Ho did and Alex’s said the words that scare me forever, “Ew, you do know i’m your uncle.” I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my whole entire life.

As our life continued on, we would all have sleep overs and hang outs. We were family and we treated each other like it. It was fun being together. Until I moved to Arizona where me and Alex kept in contact. We would talk every day about our daily lives, and Skype each other about our new skills on the ukulele. Until one day he confessed to me that he had liked me and the first thing that came to my mind was, “that’s weird we’re family.” We stopped talking for a couple of years after that. Then one day on my fifteenth birthday where I have invited my cousins to my birthday party. Soon to realize that they have invited Alex. It was no surprise to me and I’ve forgotten about our pass. To be honest, It never really phased me. Of course, I warmly said hi and it seemed to me as if nothing really changed and we were the dream team as we were. Until my aunt wanted a group picture and said “everyone hold hands!” I grabbed my cousin and Alex but when I grabbed Alex’s hand the exact same feeling came rushing into my body. This time I knew exactly what I was feeling and I had to go shake it off. I knew Alex was feeling the same thing because he just stared at me while I walked away. I kept telling myself “he’s my uncle, he’s my uncle, he’s my uncle!” It was wrong and so I whipped it out of my mind!

After a year later we spontaneously started talking again. He told me that his sister had divorced my uncle and since then we became really good friends again. We shared secrets like the time when I found a note in my cousins room saying how and when he lost his virginity. He was my go to man about everything. Then some time during our friendship development, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I laughed and told him that was weird, but after that our friendship kind of faded away. Eventually, he was a stranger to me and we stopped talking for seven years.

So many things happened within those seven years. I have moved back down to California from Arizona for college. Soon after my cousin Ho, who had been moving around as well decided on his eighteen birthday to move back to California too. I asked him to hang out and catch up because we haven’t seen each other for awhile and little did I know. He still talked to Alex and decided to bring me along to where he worked. I act like my normal self because all of the good times rushed into my memory and I was pretty excited to see him. I was like “OOMG HOW YOU’VE BEEN! YOU LOOK SO GOOD! WE NEED TO CATCH UP!” He acted pretty shallow to be honest. I thought it was rude so i tired breaking the ice. I asked him “you got a girrrrlll friieendd” and I touched his arm and once I did THE SAME FEELING RUSHED INTO MY BODY, but this time. I accepted it. I liked him. It felt like a spell was caste and I liked him over night. We exchanged numbers and we’ve been together since, but our dating life holy shit that’s another story cuz this foo was extremely horrible at dating! Then again he was a virgin, single, and Innocent.

#twinflames #love #lovestory #uncle #story #personal #personalblog #gottaluvvikki #relationship

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self-destructing-sad-boi · 3 years

Text

Sometimes when my roomates talk about their family I wanna scream

Like they've got fucked up shit, dads who are physically there but checked out emotionally years ago, mams that are scared to let em go, had to grow up too fast to emotionally support a parents. Hell one of em ain't even got a mam no more bless her.

Even though Stephen left me I know (I'm pretty sure but could be wrong) that he's still alive. But a dead parent is...that's some tough shit when you're old never mind when you're a kid.

But still. They talk about their siblings. Their mas and their das. Their aunties and uncles and the endless numbers of cousins they all seem to have. And..I wanna scream.

I ain't got that. I ain't had that in years. And sometimes I just wanna yell cuz it feels unfair. I ain't got no da, me ma is...let's not. I only have brothers by blood and nothing more and the 1 sister I still talk to we sometimes dont speak for months.

I ain't got no cousins or uncles ot aunties. I tried texting me uncle Kev cuz it seemed he wanted me in his life again...but we talked the once and hes ignored me since..so maybe I just didn't measure up. I know I'm weird and awkward and rough around the edges (and fine. A fair bit of the centre too) but I didn't think I was that bad

I dunno man. It's just. It's late. And I'm tired but way too anxious to sleep.

I just. Even though their lives all sucked (as most peoples loves do, the unfortunate consequences of this thing called "birth") in different ways. I just. I wish I had that.

And I know that makes me a terrible person because you cant compare trauma and like life shitness but...I'd have liked emotional constipation and yelling over emotional constipation, yelling, physical abuse and the looming threat of social services and suicide that was my childhood.

Like. They have family photos and home videos.

My family is my mother (whole ass bag of crazy and We Don't Have Time To Unpack All Of That), my step dad (complex with a lower case c), my sister C (whole ass other bag of crazy mixed with "nah dude our childhood wasnt that messed up" "dude you literally moved out at 16 because you couldn't cope anymore". Which is a fun blend of weird victim blame gaslighting but also just genuinely repressed trauma and emotions) and my niece (I dont have anything bad to say because I love this child more than anyone on the planet. Only wish I could be a bette Uncle). But we are a family held together by string and weird emotional blackmail (with some genuine love underneath which is weird as). And like. A whole ass truck load of trauma.

I dunno if I'm making sense at this point. It's like half 5 in the morning and in still too anxious to sleep (Fuvk you PTSD memories!) And I'm sad and I feel alone even though I have people who love me I just. I dont want them too because I'm like a weird tuffed of mold on out of date cream cheese and just. You shouldnt love mold. And I'm not really sur what yo do with genuine love and kindness, I never have been it's just very weird and foreign to me even after years of developing friendships and just

.blegh. when people are too nice to me I want to punch them in the face which isnt normal but its liek "shut the fuck up and just tell me either A.How you plan to emotionally fuck me or B.tell me what the fuck you want" and again I'm very aware that that is not healthy.

Im in that oddly hellish in between of "I've had enough therapy to very easily see my unhealthy behaviours, thoughts and coping mechanism" and "but I haven't had enough to properly fix that or really so anything about it". So now in in the limbo of *looks at self* "welp. That's just a whole lot of fucking oof there dude but I dunt know what you want me to do about it". Which is a hard emotion to properly convey to most people

Again. This is a very late jifht/early morning ramble and I dont expect to have made an ounce of sense but fuck it.

#vent post #vent #again this is my void where i come to screm when i dont want to talk to people because people are weord fleshy meat bags if feelings #and i cannot cope with that right now #so imma go hide like the goblin I am and hooe no one looks at me today

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doctormelapples · 6 years

Note

stationary queen answers werk

stationery-themed asks!!

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

I’m probably most comfortable when I’m with my friends, and we get a little bit drunk play stupid games cuz I can ignore any responsibilities placed on me, which is probably not healthy but like fml you know?

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

WOW she’s a lot. So today I woke up and immediately remembered all the Melon Music Award stuff, and had to catch up with that,,, can I just say that I love seven men that are literally raking in the awards?? I was supposed to go to the craft and art show with my mom but I woke up late and so she left without me, halfway through the day though she came back home because she had to drop off her girlfriend, so I had about fifteen minutes to get ready, fuck a shower I guess, but on the way there we blew a tire and we immediately limped to the nearest auto place but they were closed so I learned how to change a tire today it’s lit. After that we went to my friends place of work (I got to see her working for the first time LMAO) there were tons of free samples and everything today for an open house and it was amazing I love free food

fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

Have not a single acheivement. Maybe living this long

highlighter: what are your best qualities?

Loyal as fuck, to a fault you could say, so “best quality” debatable

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

maybe being sure of myself in something

felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

my aesthetic is realizing I’ve already done these asks.

crayon: your earliest childhood memory

My earliest childhood memory that i want to think about tonight is probably when I stole all the strawberries from my moms garden and made a smoothie by smashing them in a plastic cup with a stick

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

I lived with lots of dogs as a child, those are fun

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

A tired girl with short curly hair who laughs too much

notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

“Remember what we say, Love Myself, Love Yourself” - RM

paper: what kind of book would you write?

A “wishful thinking” coming of age story

stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

My Best Friend

glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

Trust, Comfort, Understanding, Loyalty

tape: tell me about your longest friendship

idk what my longest friendship was I’ve had few that lasted more than two years

ruler: what line will you never cross?

I will never make fun of my friends for certain things, I will never accept close-minded people,

eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

Leaving my old school, not because of my new one, but because of my old one

scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

nah

calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

I don’t know if i have that many, not including people?:

1. Bangtan Bombs

2. Photography

3. Filming things

4. Reading

5. Talking to people

6. Learning things

7. Sharing things I care about with other people

protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

idk any popular opinions so i can’t really give an unpopular one

sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

April 25

bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

folder: describe your family

she’s large. Mom, mom’s gf, Sister, Dad, Dad’s wife, Baby sister, a million and a half cousins on both sides

whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

my mom’s gf is trying to get me to diet so i have to go to Meijer to shop tomorrow, I have a shoot to do for my photography class

blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

that’s too much rn

pinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

not dying

tablet: tell me your plans for the future

I would if i had them

stencil: who are your role models?

i don’t have any role models

envelope: tell me a secret

Everything is stressful, but that’s not really a secret is it

#thanks for asking!!#dont mind me #ask game

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imyourtrigger · 5 years

Text

Tonight I might kill myself

It all started when I was a little girl and no matter what my mother says, I feel that my childhood has been taken away from me at a very young age.

My father was a drug addict and a theif. At age 6 six or maybe even before, my parents had a huge fight, there was broken glass everywhere, screams and curses. One by one my parents broke plate by plate, glass by glass, until there was nothing left. I was so young, that all I can do is to try to call my grandmother on our big and yellow 90s phone. When my father saw that, he came, took it away from me and threw it to the wall. Yellow plastic was everywhere and I felt that I am going to be the next one to meet the wall.

My father was a great father first years of my life. He was always thoughtful, loving and caring. I felt that I get more love from him, than from the woman who gave birth to me. I don’t think she is bad and never thought, her life was a mess, her parents was strict, her father was violent, she had me by accident and her husband was an abusive drug addict.

But this day I will remember for my whole life, the day that my father became violent towards me. And that day, that day when he left the house, the last thing I wanted is to stand in front of him begging not to leave, as I used to do every other fight they had. So for the first time he left the house because I didn’t stopped him.

Time went by, and minute by minute, second by second my life became hell. Of course, there is people that in way worse condition than me, people that live through hell every day and it is so selfish to say that my life is bad, but I believe that everyone have their own kind of hell.

One day, I think I was about 7-8 years old, I sat at my grandparents house, doing my homework with my cousin. I heard that my mom came home, and when I saw her my mind went all crazy. She told me that we are moving to my grandparents. No explanation, no saying goodbye to my friends, to my room, to my house... At first I was so happy, who’s not happy to live with their loving grandparents every single day? Sadly no one told me that there is a huge difference between living with them to visiting them on Sundays.

I am 23 now, and trully, all I wish is a second to get to that place where I grew in. To walk on the street where my parents used to walk with me. To look at the playground where my father with few others builded a swings for us (it was pretty poor neighborhood so at our playground we used to have only rocks and sand). All I want is to go there and breath in what have left of my childhood.

So, me, my mother and my little brother mooved to my grandparents house. At first they where all welcoming and loving, but then it all faded away. My grandfather was and alcoholic, so that was new to me. I did not had a room and slept with my grandma, but I was little and didnt really care about that. And then my mother had to find a job.

So while my father was a part time in jail and when not, came to see us once in never and did not paid his alimony... My mother was working her ass off at some job where she had to be out of the house for a month, every second month.

So when she was away, I had to be a responsible big sister and to take care of my little brother. I did all I had to and all I did not wanted to. If I had to go out and look after my brother playing in the sand instead of ... I don’t know, doing my homework, watching a tv, playing with my friends or whatever I did that. Dishes? Done that everyday. Clean the house? Been there, done that every day. Now it might look like something minor, but I was only like 8 years old.

Oh did I forgot to tell that my cousin was prefered by everyone including my mother? Well that how it was since I was born. You cant unsee things sometimes, especially when your grand grand mother taking her in another room, giving her the whole damn toys r us, and you sitting there and coloring the damn colorbook your mother drew for you cuz you didnt had any money. Oh and that cutted postcard puzzles was fun tho

Oh and my mom used to beat the shit out of me every other day when my brother and my big cousin was the fckn angeles just because they breathe.

At age 11 we moved to another country. The one thing I asked is to go to our old place and say goodbye to.. um it, and the memories I had. And guess what? It did not happened. Not because we had no time or anything, we had plenty, we even made a video of us going through the town to our favorite places, you know to remember our country... But not mine, even if it was on the way.

So gladly (at least that what I thought), my mom, me and my brother moved to a whole new country, where my hell just expanded.

When we moved here, we had to leave with my grandma’s sister and her husband for a month. They werent happy, so they made us unhappy too. They had two sons, my uncles, one of them lived in the same town. Lets call him Sam.

Uncle Sam reminded me of my father. Same looks, same mind, but I felt that he wasnt gonna leave me. Just as a little girl I wanted to have a man figure in my life, that could protect me if needed.

So uncle Sam had a son, my cousin, who was a big, hugeeeee shit. He used to be the only child, so probably he felt that me and my brother taking it away, his mother was a shit too, lets call her Midge.

So Midge told uncle Sam to stay away from us. But he didnt needed to, we felt unwanted enough. We moved to a one room apartment and stayed away from them.

Life didnt became easier, because little children are super cruel. I started 5th grade and my little brother was at 1st. We both were bullied. The names they called us, the things they did to us, girls that I thought was my friends made my their maid. Literally. They were coming to my house, made me feed them the food my mom was counting, because we had no money, made me do everything they wanted, and then used to lock me in the shower and didnt let me out untill I screamed because the water was hot that it left it marks on my body. When they was leaving I had to clean the house, sometimes I had no time before my mother was back home, so she was hurting me in all the way she could.

I still have scars, not all of them are physical. When she saw that half of the food were gone, the screams became fists and my tears became blood. Sometimes I felt numb and sometimes I felt that I am loosing my will to live.

For how long I remember myself, I was always trying to please the people around me. They could be friends, family or people at work, it always felt like a second job, where my mind had to work extra hours.

Maybe that was because I was afraid to be beaten, maybe that was because I was afraid that they will leave me, just like my father did.

At my birthday I called my father. His stepmother answered and told me that he is not interested and that I should leave them alone. This number didnt worked afterwards. And a few years later we talked over a social media where he told some not so nice stuff and ended it with “I’ll have better children than you”.

So back to junior school where everyone was a peasant. My brother was trying to stay close to me, and everyone was laughing at us, so I decided that instead of trying to get my shit together I have to help him. Every brake I was taking him to the playground, him and a bunch of other lonely kids, those who was bullied, those who had no friends... I am pretty sure that half of the games were invented by me. So for two years I kept this children busy, so they all became friends and werent ao lonely anymore.

I still tried to do my best at the school, where I had to learn new language and to deal with bullies and at home, to please my mother, who was coming everyday back from work, and beating me no matter what. I get that it was big on her. New country, new language, new people... It was scary and she felt also lonely, but I was not supposed to be anyones punching bag. I did not deserved it.

So that how my school years went... All same pattern, sometimes better, sometimes worse. So many heartbreaks, always toxic friendships. I started to work at a very young age, tried to give almost all of the money to my mother, but it still wasnt enough.

I was cutting myself for so long... The cuts became deeper and the will to live started to fade away. But still I had no guts to kill myself. Every fight I knew, that the next will be worse and maybe the next will become the last. Maybe today was the last.

A few years ago my mother stopped beating me, maybe thats because Im taller, because I grew up and she is afraid I can slap her back?

My brother became the most annoying thing on earth. Through junior high, I was still with him on my brakes, trying to make his life easier, every time anyone had a bad word to say I was there to protect him. Karate? Paid for it. Swimming lessons? Paid for it. New toys? New computer games? Gadget? A new phone? Done it all.

Even while I was at the army, getting the shittier salary you could imagine, working my ass off at two jobs, giving my mother some money, paying for his shit and his super expensive swimming lessons, trying to give him everything we couldn’t afford for me,

Somehow, I am still a bad daughter and a bad sister.

I just getting really tired of that “You blame everyone, when you should look in the mirror” shit.

I took them abroad two times. Paid for everything. And I mean everything. Every shit they wanted, and oh no, they had no shame in wanting the most expensive things on earth, like Im a fucking millionaire. And now when I broke and still manage to pay the bills at home and still take them abroad, but ask my brother to pay with me cuz he has a job and a decent salary I AM THE FUCKING BAD PERSON

LIKE HOW COULD I THINK THAT A PERSON I GAVE ALL MY LOVE TO, A PERSON I AM EVERY DAY LOOKING OUT FOR WHILE HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW THAT BECAUSE I DONT LOOK FOR A CREDIT A PERSON THAT STARTED TO WORK AT AGE OF 18 FOR FUN WHILE I AM WORKING FROM 12 TO PAY FOR HIM HOW COULD I THE WORSE PERSON ON THE WHOLE PLANET TO ASK HIM TO PAY FOR HIMSELF

Wow

Oh, uncle Sam died and that was devastating

The saddest thing is he died because he was lonely and his heart was broken

His parents, they moved to another country to his brother, his brother didnt wanted him, his wife left him and he was all alone

I wish, I wish he could inly knew how deeply I cared for him, how I wanted us to be closer, how good he was... It truly broke my heart in a million pieces.

His mother (my grandmas sister) came back here and passed away also. And her husband couldnt leave back because of the loan he had here

He went to live at Midges house then she kicked him and guess what? Hes sleeping in my mother’s bed

AND SOMEHOW I AM THE BAD PERSON AGAIN

HOW CAN I BE MAD AT A PERSON WHO MADE MY FAMILYS LIFE A LIVING HELL BUT AS WE SWITCH ROLES I HAVE TO BE I BIGGER PERSON AND ACCEPT HIS HOMELESS ASS HERE

I am very loving and caring person. But nobody has done that for me. He would never help me, and I know that for sure. He was screaming at me, he was trying to beat my little brother and now I have to accept that he is, an alcoholic, abusive person sleeping in my mothers bed, and she has to sleep with me? (Thats not the problem ofcourse, I love my mom no matter what)

And when he finally leaves, even tho I tried to be nice, and prepared him food and showed him how to use the tv and shit, my mom tells me that I am a bad person? Sorry that my life teached me that people will use your good heart against you.

I finally felt like I am mentally stable, that I am me, the good me. Not the depressed cutting wanting to die me. Finally had my shit together and felt so happy about it. I had my skin care routine after work, had my half hour to write in the diary and my 1 episode per night before bed routine that made me so fucking happy and glowing, and then the person that made me only bad comes and ruins it all and I have to accept that?

I finally made it, made it to the top of me where all I wanted is to live, where all I was is happy, and instead of understanding that, or at least carring about your daughter’s mental health and I dont know, even speaking with me about that, you just throw this shit at my face.

“You need to be tested”

“You are crazy”

“I wish I didnt had you”

Instead of

“Are you okay, do you want to talk about that?”

“Do you want to see a professional? I will support you”

“I dont know what I would do without you”

It just hurts that when you try to talk about maybe having a problem or when you try to speak your mind, or when you talk about your feelings to the person you care about the most... You got to be called a drama, you didnt get to even finish the sentencse... Somehow the problem is always in me and my feelings.

It hurts when your brother doesn’t care as you did and do about him.

It hurts that things that are important for you doesnt counted as important at all.

It hurts that your feelings not important.

You are not important.

That your sacrifices aren’t sacrifices.

And if you try to talk about yourself, you are selfish.

People say that no matter what’s happening, your family, your home, is the place that you can be you in it. A place where you are not judged.

Well, my family doesn’t count.

So maybe its better not to be counted at all.

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fairyrayn-blog · 5 years

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Top 10 FairyTail Boys

I love me my FT boys ☺️

1: Gray Fullbuster

Oof. I cannot express how much Gray means to me as a character. I loved him since day 1, I thought his cool, laid back vibe was really interesting and mysterious, but then he started stripping and I was like oh never mind this kids a huge dork but I love him for that lol. Grays been through so much shit and honestly I find him to be the most interesting, and in depth characters on the whole show. I love how he’s played off as the cool guy who has no feelings, but then he’s also the person who we’ve seen cry the most, which shows that he cares the most, in my opinion. I love this boy with my whole ass heart. 💞💕💗💓 he deserves so much happiness uwu.

2: Gajeel Redfox

Man Gajeel is my fucking BOY. I love this dude, he started off as a piece of shit that everyone hated, and now he’s this huge loser who cries real tears cuz he doesn’t have a cat. This guy really grew up, learned from his mistakes, and is now an amazing person who cares about his friends. Gajeel is cool, funny, badass, and such a dope character. Definately one of the coolest on the show.

3: Sting Euecliff

Ah Sting, you adorable boy. Sting, like most people on this list lol, used to be the enemy that we all hated. He was honestly a jerk, I know I couldn’t stand him. But after the GMG, when Natsu taught him some stuff about friendship and whatnot, he turned into this super sweet, wonder person, and an amazing leader for his guild. Sting is literally such a cute person everytime he makes an appearance I’m all 💓, his relationship with Lector made me cry during the GMG, oof. Sting is also quite strong, which is why I’m still mad at how Natsu ended up beating him during their fight but whatever. Sting is great. We stan.

4: Laxus Dreyer

Laxus Dreyer the one and only. Laxus used to be a class A asshole. I’m really happy how Hiro handled Laxus’s development. How Laxus was banished and then returned a new man, who appreciates friends and isn’t so power hungry. I grew to love Laxus during his fight with Raven tail, which really showed he was serious about caring for his guild mates. That scene really touched me. Laxus also climbed up my list of best boys when he sacrificed himself during tartarus, when he inhaled the poison gas (or anti magic particles, idrk) to save the thunder legion, man I cried so hard. What a hero. Laxus has grown to be a great man, he has so many good moments in the new arc, and even in the sequel. We love supportive and strong nakama.

5: Lyon Vastia

CAN YOU DEFINE: UNDERRATED? I fucking love Lyon. This boy is so so so sweet. Like most villains, he grew from his mistakes to an amazing person who fights for his friends and what he believes in. This guy has cool ass magic, is fabulous, loves my precious Juvia as much as I do, and is like a brother to Gray. I love the relationship between Gray and Lyon, he supports him whole heartedly, even though they are rivals. I find Lyon to be very mature, and supportive to all his guild mates, especially Chelia, which makes my heart happy. Anyway, I love Lyon, baby boy.

6: Jellal Fernandes

Ah Jellal, my poor baby. Jellal has always been one of my favs on Fairy Tail, I even loved him while he was evil lmao, in fact, I would actually consider him one of the best villains. I love how smart Jellal is, especially during the tower of heaven arc, I loved that whole Chess game he was playing, I found that super interesting. He’s also a genius for infiltrating the council???? And used to be a fucking wizard saint???? At like 19 years old??? Colour me impressed.

Anyway, Jellal has one of the most tragic lives in my opinion, poor boy was manipulated and possessed at such a young age. Not to mention tortured and enslaved. And when he was back to normal, he finds out he killed one of his best friends, and caused pain and suffering to many people he cared about? That’s heartbreaking. But I love him for creating a guild where he can fix his mistakes, and help along other people like him who wanna be better. Jellal truly is a good person. Jellal deserves so much happiness💕

7: Zeref Dragneel

Zeref, sigh. Zeref story makes me upset every time. It’s so cruel that someone who loved life as much as he did, was cursed with something that turned him into something he didn’t wanna be. Such a poor tortured boy. Idk how to explain why I love Zeref, he was an interesting villain, because he never actually wanted to cause destruction. When he was in his normal state, he was such a pure person, who was wise and kind. But, especially in the recent arc he turned a bit sadistic and super evil, which I found kinda weird at first but the more I think of it I guess Mashima was just trying to show that Zeref finally snapped. My poor boy really wanted Natsu to kill him. Sigh. Zeref was a brilliant boy, who deserved better.

8: Loke/Leo

Okay Loke is also really underrated!! When Loke was still a member, and not one of Lucy’s spirits, he was super loyal to the guild!! During Phantom, he was really helpful in the fighting, and especially with trying to save Lucy. Of course that was cuz she’s a celestial wizard and all, but still. Loke is a great spirit and a great leader of the zodiac. I loved the story of Karen, and his conflicted he was when she died because he was trying to teach her a lesson but it ended the way it did … :( I think loke was a good character, it would’ve been interesting to see him some more, especially the last arc! I feel like he only made one appearance!

9: Rogue Cheney

Rogue my emo baby. This guy is absolutely adorable! I love how angry he gets when people take frosh from him and how soft he gets when frosh does something cute. Big fat uwu. Rogue is also a really interesting character, he’s pretty quiet and mysterious, as a shadow is, but has his quirks as I mentioned before. Rogue also has really cool magic that I wish was explored more…

10: Natsu Dragneel

Okay some people gonna be shocked that Natsu is last, let me explain. I love Natsu, but In the same way I love … an annoying younger cousin or sibling lmao. I find him really annoying at times, but also cute and fun at other times. I definately do not hate Natsu, I just think he had the least development out of all fairytail characters and his fights are pretty bs lmao. But aside from that, Natsu is a funny kid, I would love to be friends and have someone like Natsu to have my back. Precious baby.

So here are my top 10 boys, I obviously love the rest of them as well, but these ones are my favs!

#natsu dragneel #gray fullbuster #gajeel redfox #lyon vastia #laxus dreyar #rogue cheney #sting eucliffe #leo the lion #jellal fernandes #natsu and zeref #zeref x mavis #fairytail

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