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cawcawbeech · 2 months

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SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

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JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

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#six of crows #grishaverse #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #wylan van eck #inej ghafa #kuwei yul bo #nina zenik #matthias helvar #kisses #character analysis #*screams into the void*#hope you enjoy #feel free to share your thoughts #💚🖤🧡💜💛💙❤️#fandom ships #writers on tumblr #fanfiction

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chaoxfix · 1 year

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🕯️🪄🌻 for the meme!

ty for the ask!! <3

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

ahh... hmm. i like putting out the energy i want back. if i read something i try to comment, and if i dont like something or am not interested in the concept, i just dont react because it's so much worse to upset someone over something they worked hard on.

i really don't think kudos are a very good expression of appreciation, as it has almost no room for real connection. fics are free, you know? when something is free but gives you joy, you should probably meet it with love, and love in a way that really shows why you like it. thats why i think comments are much better. i get why it can cause anxiety, but there's really no wrong way to comment unless youre 1) being an honest to god jerk, 2) pointing out something you dislike / something that you think the author was "incorrect" about (especially if the commenter is the one whos wrong lmao. either way i really dont think free fanfiction is like. lol. the place to do public criticism. just saying.)

im a rather anxious person irl, so im not really sure exactly what every single other anxious person's obstacles are or how to bridge them. because of that, i won't try to give universal advice since it's something i cant be an expert on if my experience is so different.

but i will say, for myself -- i mitigate my anxiety by practicing gratitude. i weaponize my people-pleasing for good by trying to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good. and there's nothing better than feeling appreciated and praised for things that have value. and that kind of thing usually comes back around.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

ahh... hmmm...

if it's late at night (after midnight) when i post it, i go to sleep so i wont stay up refreshing the page to see what people say, or worse stay up editing all the typos that "suddenly appear" in ao3 formatting lol. that way even if no one reads it overnight or there are errors, it's okay because at least i can face the day with some sleep.

if it's not late at night when i post it, i try to go for a walk to again avoid constantly refreshing the page for feedback or immediately editing it. bc its not super healthy to spend even more time on it after whats probably been hours and hours, and i dont want my entire day fixated on something i should be done with.

i dont really celebrate much though, probably because i just kind of expect myself to make things of a quality i can stand behind. i didnt really grow up getting praised despite being an overachiever bc it made others around me feel bad when i got a lot . . . so i. have to really try and make something worthy of praise to feel like i deserve it. idk. haha. so anyways overall i try to lean more and more into 'i dont need validation' because id hate to put all my eggs in that basket -- not just because i dont want to be motivated by others' praise, but also because, i dont want to stop writing for the opposite reason, if someday i no longer feel like the quality of work i produced actually deserved the amount of feedback it got.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

low motivation for long stretches, and losing interest in the things others like best, make me want to stop writing. both with fandom and original. low motivation usually coincides with depressive stints for me, and it makes me feel awful. like i cant do the one thing i like best, because i just can't motivate myself. when i finally manage it, it's crap for the first thousand words, then it gets better.

for me though, what makes me keep going is getting others to see my vision. getting them to feel what i aim to make them feel; crafting stories that, maybe theyre not perfect, but the emotions they generate are enough. it really is hard without an audience. even though i'm not motivated as much by getting a ton of validation, i do need at least a little lol, even just someone to say "yes. i see you. i understand what you needed me to feel from this, and i felt it." which is why i have original writing friends as well, for original stuff.

buuut also, i also keep going because i like being able to jot down what im thinking/imagining so that i can revisit it later and go back to that feeling, that moment in time where i was absolutely positive of that scene

thank you again for asking!! ^^

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audball · 1 year

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This Is Gonna Make Me Sound Ungrateful But Idc. (Long post).

Two people in my family are major gift-givers. But the problem is, its to a fault imo.

For YEARS I have complained that I never have any room for the shit I Already Have. I am currently in the process of gathering up a bunch of shit to give to goodwill or whomever because i literally have NO place to put it. I do this every so often and every single time these two just completely undo it with their gift-giving no matter how many times I tell them not to.

My family, also, tend to keep a lot of pointless shit. I’m NOT calling them hoarders, thats an actual major mental illness which I don’t think they fall under. what they DO do, however, is they are the type where as long as you shove everything under a bed or in a closet, its “clean”. very “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. well, we’ve been doing that for so many years now that we no longer CAN put shit under our bed, we no longer CAN put shit in our closets. But every single year my father AND my brother, even tho everyone is ACUTELY aware of how i feel about this type of shit, gets me these Big gifts that take up all this space. OR its a bunch of Little shit that does nothing but sit on a shelf. like I appreciate the thought, its really nice, but at the same time i have had MULTIPLE meltdowns, M U L T I P L E, over how I NEED to get shit out of this goddamn house because my tiny-ass room is just covered in useless figures and items that do not Have a place to go. And don’t get me wrong, I Do get rid of stuff! Problem is, Christmas will come around again, and now all my progress was for Nothing while I get gifted all these giant video game pre-order figurines or special collectors edition whatevers or Another Gundam. None of which is asked for by me. And I’m not allowed to get mad!!!! Any attempts to tell these people “I JUST WANT MONEY OR GIFT CARDS PLEASE” is either disregarded Entirely, or is taken as a joke (usually taken as a joke no matter how much I basically Plead with them to not get me anything). Hell, honestly I don’t really want ANYTHING for christmas or birthdays or whatever. I’m a big girl, I make my own money, I can buy my own things. But if I get upset at the fact that I’m getting more shit thats just gonna get put on a shelf and forgotten about, I’M THE BAD GUY! I don’t care if I sound ungrateful or whatever. I Really, REALLY wish this shit would fucking STOP. I’m sick of having to play fucking Tetris in my tiny-ass little fuckin room that I’m in in this god-forsaken house just because if I decline or get rid of some big-ass knick-knack gift I’ll hurt someones fee fees. :( They always fuckin say too! “I have no idea what to get you anymore!!! :)))” HOW ABOUT PLEASE DON’T. IF I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS I WILL LET YOU KNOW. YOU ASK ME FOR A LIST AS IT IS, WHATS THE POINT OF GIVING YOU THAT LIST IF UR JUST GONNA OVERLOAD ME WITH SHIT ANYWAY!!!! MAYBE LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY “I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT ALREADY”. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING CHRIST. I SWEAR TO GOD THESE PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE DO NOT FUCKING LISTEN UNLESS IM ACTIVELY THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM LIKE A CHILD!!!!!!!! AND I FEEL SO TERRIBLE CUZ IM YELLING AND SCREAMING OVER BEING GIVEN GIFTS!!! I DONT MIND GETTING GIFTS BUT WHEN I HAVE NO ROOM: I. HAVE. NO. R O O M. AND ME DUMPING A BUNCH OF SHIT TO GOODWILL DOES *NOT* FUCKING MEAN I WANT MORE FIGURES THAT WILL JUST SIT THERE! I’M TRYING TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT SO I DON’T FEEL LIKE I’M CONSTANTLY LIVING IN A TRASH HEAP.

#idk #idc #i feel like such a spoiled brat but idgaf #we're not even upper-middle class either so its also kinda scary wondering how they're getting the money to pay for this shit with #cuz none of its cheap

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hellotherepaul · 3 years

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#wish i had more friends but like i really cant interact with humans and i hate it #im so fucking lonely i love my few friends so so much but theres really only 2 or 3 im really close with #and like at this point I'm moving in 2.5 months so i cant make friends HERE but like how do i make friends through zoom school #like i have aquaitances (i know thats spelled wrong dont @ me) but like its not the type of thing where either of us would hang out outside #of school ya know #its just like....i post to my instagram stories and at most 5 people see it its just usually 2-3 #i post on my art Instagram something im really proud of and it gets 10 likes #i try so hard but autism and social anxiety make me fuck it up every time i manage to try and meet people #sometimes i wonder if I'm just cursed for hardly anyone to care about me #sure has felt like that most of my life #://///#please like if youve read all this i know it's a lot I'm sorry #i just like...have to put this somewhere even if no one will see it or read it or maybe this will get 1 or 2 notes #blah #please dont feel bad for me its fine i have a couple friends i love very much it feels selfish to ask for more when some people have no one #ill be fine im used to being alone save one or two people kinda story of my life #ugh sorry #i dont know why im apologizing this is my blog but also yall didnt sign up to see me whining in the tags #oh but with all this dont get me started on the fact that I've been single 3 years and my only serious relationship was abusive 🙃#lonely thats all

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taco-bell-mitchy · 3 years

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I Don’t Like You

Rindou x F!Reader

-Someone likes you, but they’d jump out a window before they admit it. Literally.

Warnings: cussing, annoying Ran, minor violence (?)

School confessions were always so awkward. Especially when greeted with rejection. So Rindou Haitani was writing his, he cringed. He simply couldn’t keep these feelings in any longer. He also didn’t know how to express his feelings very well. So what was he supposed to do? Just tell you he likes you? It’s not like you would even believe it. Which he doesn’t blame you for. As Rin seems to have a resting bitch face.

Anything he tells you, you either take it the wrong way because of his face, or he says it wrong because of his well…face. His tone can be quite monotone as well which doesn’t help. So when you change you hair style one day and he stares at you, you automatically never do it again as you think he’s disgusted at it. Or when he ask, “Is that a new shirt?” With a plain face and bored eyes you assume he also doesn’t think it’s very cute. So even if he did try to confess in person, you’d probably think he’s playing a sick joke.

Crumpling up another letter he became infuriated. He just can’t seem to get his feelings right. His cheeks are burning red as he’s writing all of them. Ran see his brothers irritability but leaves him alone for a while, until he can’t get over the annoyed yelling.

“Okay what’s wrong?” Ran asked leaning on the door frame, “Nothing.” Rindou’s irritability was visible even more in his voice. Ran looked around the room at crumpled papers and smirked while picking one up.

“Dear y/n, I know I’m not the best at expressing myself but I’m truly in love with you-”

“STOP IN RAN!!!” Rindou screamed at brother like a toddler asking for a cookie. Rindou’s face had furrowed brows but his scarlet cheeks told another story. “My little brother is writing a love letter~” Rindou looked away, “Shut up, I’m trying my best.” Ran sighed with a smile while crouching down next to his brother. “Your big brother is to the rescue. We’ll write the best love letter ever.” Rindou shook him away, “I don’t need your help Ran. Besides I’m not gonna even wrote it anymore I’m done.” Ran shrugged while walking out his room, “Well, a bit of advice still, just write what you want her to know, how you actually feel. Goodnight~”

The next morning Rindou shoved his school supplies and folders into his bag once more and ran to school. He was sleep deprived from all the writing he had done. Only in the end deciding not to even give it to her. He got to school eventually and eased into the day.

Today I got to school early. Unlike most days. I walked into the classroom sitting in my assigned seat. Looking beside me towards the window where Rindou Haitani usually sat earlier than me. I was a bit relieved he wasn’t here today. Though, yes he was easy on eyes, every single day and second he seemed to want to murder me.

He would ask if my clothing was new with such a bored face as if he were judging me for my choice. Or I would change my hair style for a hair and I’d watch him stare into my heart and soul the whole day. Sometimes when I’m laughing with friends, later in the day they’d tell he was glaring daggers at them too. It always seemed like no matter what I did it didn’t impress him. It didn’t bother me at first but now I just wonder why he hates me.

That’s when he walked in. Messy hair and wide eyes. It’s the most expression I’ve ever seen him have. I looked down to hide my face. I admit, my feelings towards him were…complicated. The reason I wondered he hated me was because I felt anything but hate towards him. When he wasn’t looking at me, he seemed so peaceful. On my way home I’d see him laughing with his brother and being a normal guy. Though he was a delinquent he still was charming. Yet he hates me.

I was pulled out of my thinking at a second loud voice. Ran Haitani. Huh? He wasn’t in this class. The first Haitani brother, well I see him as second, was never here. So it’s odd for him to be loudly yelling to his younger brother. “Aye Rindou!! I think you accidentally packed something of mine. Can I check?” Rindou looked over to him and sighed, “Whatever.” Ran’s smile seemed to lighten.

He rummaged through Rin’s backpack. Finally pulling out a sheet of paper. It seemed to be folded and messy. Ran yelled a quiet ‘yah’ and unfolded it. He looked over at me and since I was already staring at him we made eye contact. “Y/n! This is for you!” Rindou looked up at what he was holding and as I went to reach it Rindou grabbed it.

“Stop it! Don’t fucking touch things that aren’t yours.” I pulled my hand back at his harsh tone. Ran frowned, “Stop being a pussy Rin, just give it up-” Rin held the paper tighter. “It’s none of your business Ran leave me alone. And you,” he pointed towards me, “Dont listen to him he’s an annoying fuck who doesn’t know anything.” I felt awkward especially with the disgust in his eyes. At least it always felt like disgust when he stared at me. Ran grabbed the paper again but Rin struggled leaving Ran pushing Rindou against the open window.

Ran stared Rindou hard in the eyes, “I won’t let go of this.”

“I know”

“I wish push you out this window if you really want it to not be seen.”

Rindou felt his heart race is frustration, “Do it. I won’t change my mind.” And not to Rindou’s surprise. He actually did. The few students rushed to window, we were only on the second story, but it was still sure to hurt. I, too, rushed to the window. And I saw Rindou’s face as he stared up at us while laying in the bushes. I laughed as he mouthed a ‘fuck you’ to his brother. Who simply laughed and flipped him off.

I hurried down to him, even if he rejected me now, or looked at me with disgusted eyes, or if cussed me out. I’d go to him this time with no regrets. So as I rushed down to my luck I still see him there. Now he’s sitting upright brushing leaves off him with a pained expression. I walk over to him crouching down. He looked up at me with the same cold eyes. I smiled at him offering a hand.

“Hey. You okay?” He stood up gripping my hand softly, “Yeah sorry about earlier, Ran can be a lot.” I nodded it became silent between us I stared down. We still held hands. He was about to let go but I pulled harder, “Wait! I have to tell you something.” His eyes peeked in interest. “Yes?” I let go of his hand and held my own. Breathing in I finally said, “I know you aren’t quite fond of me but I hope you at least get to know me better because I like you. I think if you get to know me better it’ll be easier to like me right? I mean I understand if you like someone else or even if you’re dating someone then sorry! But I can’t keep this in forever-” I stopped talking at his bubbly laughter

“You sure do talk a lot, yeah?” I laughed a little too at that. I stopped when I felt him reach to intertwine our fingers. “Yeah, I guess you’re okay or whatever.” I looked up at him and smiled, “Thats cool or whatever.” I say mocking him. He smiled wider and looked towards the school door. “I guess we should be getting to class right now, come on let’s go.” I followed with our hands still intertwined. The paper in his other hand.

“What is that by the way?” Rindou’s face went red, “haha nothing…” I nodded and put aside my curiosity. He looked down at me and we made eye contact, “Let’s go when thing straight though, I definitely don’t like you.” I rolled my eyes, “Yeah okay Rindou, you definitely don’t like me.”

But you both knew. He definitely did like you.

Bonus:

“Y/n did he give you the letter!” Ran yelled excitingly towards me. I stared at him in confusion. “What?”

“I saw you two walking while holding hands so he gave the letter right?” I shook my head, “No, I was the one that confessed. I didn’t even know he had a letter.” Ran smirked with mischief. “I thought that might happen so i saved an old copy.” He gave me a wink and handed me the letter.

I read the letter which read,

“Dear Y/n,

I’ve liked you for a while now. No, loved you. I hope that doesn’t sound to bold but it’s the truth. I wish you could see the way I stare at you with so much love, but apparently most people don’t see it as love but more of disgust or ill intent. Still, it is love. I’ve always been afraid to admit it to you because I don’t want you to reject me. Now I hope you can really tell my true feelings. I want to hold your hands and kiss your face and have you in many vulnerable ways. Is this to straightforward? Ah I don’t know, it’s hard to write this and as I am I’m very confused. I hope one day you’ll just be able to see how much I love you. With my touch and stares. So please accept my confession.

Sincerely,

Rindou Haitani”

I smiled with my eyes a bit watery at how cheesy it was. “Wow Ran. We gotta make fun of him for this forever yeah?” Ran laughed loud. “oh I definitely like you!”

I think we’ll all get along fine. Oh and I was definitely gonna tease Rin.

#I DONT KNOW WHO TO WRITE FOR LOL #Rindou x reader #rindou x you #rindou x y/n #Rindou Haitani #Rindou #haitani brothers #Haitani #tokyo revengers x reader #Tokyo revengers #Rindou oneshot

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jkirktrash · 3 years

Text

Since i made a big dumb stupid earlier and accidentally hijacked a post earlier

Lets redo this

This is also just me partially ranting about the dream smp ao3 tagging stuff.

Dream smp this is directed at you guys mostly but. this can go for newer ao3 writers in gen tbh.

Tagging your characters in order of importance! Lots of older fandoms did this and unforunately it seems to have fallen out of habit with some newer fandoms (dsmp i am directly calling you out.) Tagging a character who is seen for a single chapter or less first is misleading. As someone who has been on ao3 a long time i would take that as the charcater is either the pov or a main character. In the dsmp fandom tag thats not how it usually goes. Im not sure if something in the system changed to where you cant order them as you please but if you can order them however you want please do order them correctly.

If a character is only mentioned or seen briefly please for the love of god tag them with mentioned or briefly. Or tag them at the very end! If a character is mentioned please say that. They are not a character in the fic they are simply part of the universe at that point.

If a romantic relationship is for one chapter or only a small bit of the story use the Char a/ Char b (briefly) tag. If a chip is only mentioned do Ca / Cb (mentioned)

If a relationship is one sided do Ca/Cb (onesided)

On another note! Your character that you are writing in the pov of likely has a centric tag! Check it out! If it does! Use it :).

For example: fundy fics often get lost in the "fundy is mentioned here but im not going to tell you he's only mentioned!" Fics! So instead of painstakingly trying to figure out which is which i lurk in the #fundy centric tag on ao3 :)! I've read every fic there! And so have many many other fundy fans. I'm sure any niki or awsamdude or ponk fans have similar tags! Using them will get your fics noticed!

Dont use slashes for platonic relationships! For example Ca/Cb (platonic) is not a valid ao3 tag. It will be put into the romance tag on ao3. Using that will drive your readers away! Romance is Ca/Cb and platonic is Ca&Cb!

Use many tags to describe whats in the fic. Say what the endgame ship is! Say the minute details! Say funny notes or small things that arent necessarily ao3 tags in your tags. Why? These things help people find content they like and often times, small things are what make a fic. I love searching up the technoblade and fundy tag with uncle technoblade! Why? Those are my fave fics even if the tags are small as hell! Since people tag them though i find them! Same will go for you and your readers!

To Writers who write 18+ content in the dsmp ao3 tag: actually use the 18+ tags. By this i mean what content is actually in your fic. I have stumbled across many fics that say explicit but because its tagged explicit and some times the actual 18+ content isnt i find sexual stuff instead of the gorey horror fics i was expecting (because like it or not those are often tagged explicit because of extreme violence)

Use your tags wisely and tag the content included. Tag your angst and your romance and you your mentions. Just make sure to tag correctly so everyone has a good time.

I dont mean to be rude or sound angry in this i just see it way too often and nothings changing in the tags.

If i said something wrong or got something incorrect please tell me! I am not a writer. Just an ao3 lurker! I may have been around a while but i dont know the ins and outs. I may have worded something wrong or just in general made a mistake. But i think everything i said is pretty general stuff! Remember even if the tag is small ao3 has a tag for almost everything and if they dont have it write it down anyways because it may just have more fics added to it and it will become a larger tag.

#this is just from the view of a very frustrated reader #i have come across too many untagged/barely tagged fics that are either triggering or just the opposite of what i want read #using the right character tags is very important yall #fundy is mentioned a lot here #oops #dream smp ao3 #dream smp fic #dream smp #dsmp #rant #kinda

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bitter-syscourse · 2 years

Text

am i, an adult system, who has had this disorder for 20ish years now, not allowed to be upset when minors misunderstand and misuse basic system terms, and borderline spread misinformation regarding those terms?

to some people, no, that just seems like im overreacting. in my honest opinion, i feel like me being upset and annoyed is justified, especially when every single one of these terms affect me greatly. i clearly know about my disorder; yes, there are some things that im still figuring out, and there are definitely some things that still confuse me. however, i do not need minors -- people that are easily a decade younger than me -- telling me that i do not know what one of the most basic system terms mean, especially when that term heavily applies to me.

im talking about fusion. im a fusion of, well, myself and the old host. we fused for reasons that i dont want to express online. i have seen multiple people, especially minors, confuse fusion and integration. being a fused alter is 100% part of my identity, whether people like that or not. being told that there is little to no difference between integration and fusion is, quite honestly, upsetting. theres a major difference between these two things; yes, they both do happen. yes, they can happen “randomly”. yes, these are basic, normal things that happen within systems. no, they are not near the same, in fact, no where near the same.

to be told that im.. “aggressive” when correcting people, or that im disrespectful and rude, especially when im just simply trying to help them understand the difference between these two terms, its honestly offensive and, yet again, upsetting. i dont even think i need to say why calling a POC “aggressive” is offensive. i do not understand how im rude, or disrespectful, when i correct someone on terms. yes, they may have not understand, and thats fine, but as soon as they start arguing about if im right or wrong, thats when it starts to bother me, especially if theyre already.. wrong.

dealing with stuff like this on a near daily, actually multiple times a week, it gets so exhausting. it gets to the point that i dont want to help younger systems anymore, because if they dont want to listen, why even waste my breath trying to help? if im also allowed to be honest, i dont think i want to continue to engage in any minor inclusive discord servers after this. like i said, it happens on a near daily, and being one of the oldest in these servers is.. not helpful for me, at all, especially if no one wants to listen, or gets aggressive with me when i attempt to correct them.

tldr; if an adult system tells you, a minor, that you misused a term and have corrected you, all while being as kind and gentle as possible, please do not make a fuss or tell them that theyre wrong. it really only makes us dislike being in spaces with you, and drives us away from interacting with you.

this is all just a general rant, nothing really directed at anyone in particular, just something ive noticed within the past few months and i needed to get it off my chest.

#-🐝#syscourse #endos dni #anti endo #syscourse rant #long post

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parismemes · 4 years

Text

THINGS I’VE SAID ON DISCORD (OCTOBER EDITION) AS SENTENCE STARTERS.

“tell me everythng.” “HEHEHEHEHEHEHE” “i have read every single one of them and do not intend to stop” “i on principle only like songs that go hard” “I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT SAD WHAT THE FUCK” “heehoo. water boy.” “why i always sleep through this shit i hate it here” “gacha games count as gambling” “im also there. im laughing” “u r doing so much math and im just like hehe money” “what the fuck what the fuck NOOO what the fuck im dfgjhhfjgdhjfgkjdkghjd” “what a traumatic backstory” “I CAN SEE YOU READING MY MESSAGES IM GONAN GET FINESSED OUT THE FUCKIN WINDOW“ “THAT’S not good!” “if hes a fraid of dogs that sounds like a him problem” “i honestly deserve recognition for the absolute shit i just pulled off” “YES FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH HELL FUCKIN YEAH WOOOOOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!” “why the fuck would you want that” “yeah hes my only one true love” “by a few i of course mean like 600″ “no one fucking appreciate me” “thank you ___ for being the only person who appreciate me” “i reveal it in pieces and make you put it together like a puzzle” “im smart and never regret it“ “see, i just dont think thats right” “i will continue dangling it in front of your face like a scientist dangling bait in front of a fish (who is also in a maze)” “hes actually like an absolute fucking nerd a complete fool a fucking dumbass” “sorry your message glitched and i cannot read. anyway back to my leverage over you which is forcing you into a corner,” “it's not extortion because i don't know what extortion means” “why do they talk like exes. its because they are exes” “TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE RESPOND” “he's a content creator he'll be fine” “what does this mean? but yes” “NICE NICE NNICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE” “for future record ___ just used the word poggers” “look at all these fuckin blondes” “its only been like a week and a half at most” “hes doing it out of affection” “ISNT THIS THE FUNNIEST SHIT YOUVE EVER SEEN” “you are terrible and also the worst” “i was going to send it at midnight but i got distracted trying to figure out the most barebones way to say happy birthday without sounding weird” “do you think i get punished more or less if i do sins” “i dont think the sins count as extra points if you commit them on the way to hell” “run over pedestrians” “i am slowly descending into insanity today, as a hobby” “you are a shit boy. a little shit boy go eat boxes“ “it's ok. we can figure it out later” “i didnt notice at first but it is in fact All The Fuck Over” “ITS BEEN OVER 12 HOURS” ��hey guys just turns out we might have a ✨ gas leak ✨” “im sure if we put our braincells together we can figure SOMETHING out” “curious georg” “thank god. i could and would have argued this for several hours” “i think the worst thing ive heard today is someone calling the movie enchanted a reverse isekai” “i should not and will not stop” “i was RIGHT AHHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” “that wasnt a question you read it wrong” “i have no idea who this is but that wont stop me” “THIS MAN REALLY SAID HEAD EMPTY WHAT IS MONEY” “sometimes i say things and its best to just pretend you know what i mean” “WOT THIS” “I DONT WANT PEE ON MY BED“ “tired of all these stupid fuckin plants” “could you even really consider jelly filled donuts donuts?” “actually everything is real” “if you eat cereal for dinner, you're not having fucking breakfast” “i think my in real life superpower is that i have freakishly fast metabolism” “i dont care if you are evil you are MY TYPE” “you dirty criminal” “is a dessert item a dessert if it isn't eaten after dinner? discuss” “ok im done for the Right Now” “found a concerning orb. in the sky.” “HOW DID YOU KILL THEM” “why do i do this to myself why do i keep doing this” “the only simp here is me” “I No Longer Wish To Know!“ “DID THEY JUST END AN ENTIRE SPECIES” “WE ARE DETERMINED” “this is also really funny by virtue of the fact that these people are all fucking british” “they throw rocks at me and say we want the himbo” “THE CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT HERE” “its something that i SPECIFICALLY am passionate about” “hanburnger?” “thats just what living with siblings is like” “howd she get there? fuckin beats me dude idk” “i remember everything i am like a shark with an abnormally good memory” “i am sorry that you are predictable” “Hey Guys, Just Checkiing In To Make Sure You Got My Joke, Just Making Sure, I Just Wanted To Check In And See If You Got The Joke, Because I Was Afraid You Wouldnt Get It, So Im Just Checking In,” “i marked your worm” “what are you gonna do. unsend whatever you send me? i am Shaking in my fuzzy socks rn” “you Know i hate the idea of being wrong” “You Did Not Need To Stroke His Ego” “i am too stupid to live and if i was not vaccinated my genes would have no chance of being passed on because i would be dead” “~the oldest anarchy server in minecraft history~” “am i shaking because of adrenaline or rage.... who can tell” “I HAVE SO MUCH ADRENALINE IN ME BUT ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING” “jokes on u i fucking HATE ___ i think hes the worst” “JUST IMPULSE MADE BROWNIES AT 9 PM HEYOOOO” “cry about it more bitch boy maybe piss your pants while ur at it” “im getting so casually toxic back to toxic gamer boys” “itll be fiiiiiine” “we are all stupid mice who take turns being the piper” “queen of bargains is me i am the queen of bargaining and scoring deals” “its not TECHNICALLY a direct threat but also yes it is” “i see a demon i go possess me then bitch boy u wont” “AAAA THE FUCKIN VIIIIBES” “IM NOT GOING TO STOP BEING MAD ABOUT IT”

#sentence starters #rp memes #ask memes #rp meme #ask meme #the first one i did of this did really well....

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scarletwidowaf · 3 years

Text

Ghost Of You - chapter 3

A/N: i think that at this point, me being to lazy and tired to fix grammer and mistakes became a part of the story. Also im very sorry for the angst, im kinda winging it but hopefully stuff will be less painful soon 😅

The beautiful art is by the incredible @chloroformcandles ! Go check her works! Im honestly obsessed and even used her art as icons on both of my scarletwidow blogs.

Warnings: angst of course, mention of death (obviously)

Words count: 1391

ao3 * wattpad * Tumblr story index

------------------------

Ever since wanda joined the avengers she was trained in hand to hand combat.

Its not like she actually needed it, she always thought to herself and said it multiple times to the other female avenger and trainer, but Natasha always raised her eyebrow at her and smiled cockily at her in return.

One of wanda's favorite training sessions with natasha was when they were on the run. Steve Insisted they'll keep training as much as they can, even more than they used to as avengers. Natasha agreed, wanda did too but it didn't stop her from complaining every morning when the two women were already panting before the crack of down.

"You're too slow"

Natasha said, her hands holding the younger girl down on training mat.

Wanda tried to push the shorter woman down but with no use, natasha was small yet her grip was strong and her steady firm.

It was amazing that even when they were training and sweaty natasha still managed to look painfully hot. The older women smelled like vanilla and sweat and wanda had to admit that it wasn't a bad combination.

"Well its 5 am natasha, I'm barley even awake" she joked,.

wanda could see natasha holding back her smile. It was funny, really, that Natasha could hold the best poker face and go undercover without a hiss and without ever getting caught, but couldn't contain her smile when it comes to the younger woman.

"So lets make a deal, maximoff. If you can pin me down to the mat i will get you the coffee you like from the coffee down the street"

Wanda smiled.

"They do have a great coffee.. " she said. Natasha agreed, she liked their coffee and she liked the satisfied smile on wanda's face after she takes the first sip.

"I still don't see a reason for us to train combat" wanda grumble out. Natasha smiled at her and wanda's heart skipped a bit.

The younger woman knew she was getting into a dangerous zone with Natasha, but she couldn't help herself.

"I just gave you a reason maximoff. Im 5'3. If you cant take me down what would you do with stronger, bigger, rougher opponent?"

Natasha raised her eyebrow and moved to get up.

Natasha stood and held her hand out to the younger woman.

"You say that wasn't rough, romanoff?" Wanda asked faking annoyance.

"Barely" natasha smirked.

Wanda took the older girl's hand and got up as well.

"I will get that coffee" wanda said.

"Bring it on"

Natasha's smile was dangerously hot.

That was the problem about Natasha Romanoff, wanda knew that no mattar when, or at what situation, the older woman's smile will have a power over her, just like Natasha had.

And that was the only thought that crossed in wanda's mind when the two sat on wanda's bed in her crappy London apartment.

Its been a week since natasha came back and the two did their best to try and understand the circumstances they were in.

The good news were, that Natasha could come and go as she pleases.

wanda didn't knew where she was going when she left and natasha didn't say.

It could be counted as bad news as well.

At the few times when the two womem got frustrated, natasha would've leave, wanda would've cry and then natasha would come back and sit next to her, as close as she can.

The truth was that wanda missed being close to natasha, she was happy to have her around, to talk to her and hear her voice, but she missed her touch and her smell and having her around was getting painful.

Sometimes Wanda wanted to hug her and sob about everything.

And natasha wanted to be able to hold her, and hold her hand.

They missed each other, and sometimes it was too hard for them to be so close to each other without being able to touch.

"I went trough Agetha's book again" wanda finally said. Natasha put down the book she was reading, another novel wanda never heard of.

Wanda couldn't help her envy, because the book was something natasha could touch and hold and wanda wasn't.

"And?" Natasha said.

"I found something but i dont know how to perform it."

She confessed.

"Maybe we can go to someone who might know. Strange maybe?" Natasha said

"I dont think thats a good idea.. Ive been avoiding the other avengers ever since westview" she admitted

"Was it that bad?"

"Its just complicated. I brought vision back for awhile, well, kind of"

Natasha looked at her quietly encouraging her to continue

"I could bring him back but only there, i build these perfect life in there, nat, i had a family and a house and everything was so normal even when it wasn't"

"Why wasn't it perfect?"

"Because as real as it felt it was all a big lie. An illusion"

"Were you happy?"

Natasha asked.

"Yes" wanda admitted. Natasha smiled sadly.

"Then in was worth it, in a way" the older girl said.

"You weren't there" wanda said after a few moments.

The younger woman got up from bed. She wasn't able to sit still or look into the other woman eyes.

"I guess a part of your consensus knew that if I would've been there it wouldn't be perfect" natasha said sadly and got up as well.

"I doubt that there's any reality, fake or real one, that I wouldn't have been in love with you" natasha continued and wanda felt wetness on her cheeks. She was crying.

Natasha stood a few steps away from wanda, she didn't want to get too close and overwhelm the crying girl, but she couldn't stay away neither.

"I'm sorry nat"

"For what?" Natasha asked confused.

"For bringing you back. I just missed you so much and i was selfish.

I guess you were wrong natasha, I'm not a good person"

"I missed you too, every single day in the last 5 years."

Wanda looked up. Her eyes catching natasha's red ones.

Both women were crying. Natasha's cheeks were stained and her eyes were red, yet she was holding herself together pretty well. Probably as as a result of years of holding things inside and making her feelings.

"I blamed clint, you know?" Wanda confessed.

"We had a fight after i found out you were dead. I blamed him for not keeping you safe, and then left. I didn't spoke to him since then"

Wanda catch a glimpse of Natasha's book on the bed and wondered if the lead characters got their happy ending.

Natasha sigh, her hands massaging her temple.

"I dont know what they told you wanda. But i chose to jump. I could've let clint jump"

"You're lying, clint said-"

"That i had no other choice? Knowing him figured its better you wont know that, so you wouldn't be mad at me for doing that."

the two women were so close to each other that wanda could imagine natasha's hot breath and vanilla scent.

Natasha could see the small freckles on the younger girl's nose.

"You want to know why I don't deserve to go to heaven? Wanda" Natasha asked.

Wanda wiped her own tears.

"Why?"

"I'm selfish.

I could've let clint jump but i knew that I couldn't live with the burden and the pain so i left him to live with it instead.

I could let the world stay how it was after the snap, but I didn't. Not because I'm the honorable person you think i am, but because of you. I wanted you to get the life that you deserve."

Natasha smiled bitterly and gestured with her hands to the room they were in.

Wanda wanted to respond but couldn't. Her throat was dry and her head was aching.

"I should go" natasha said and before wanda could protest the older woman was gone and she was alone again.

After a few minutes of crying the witch took a few breath to calm herself down, before she went to her nightstand and took out a disposable cell phone.

"You're not selfish natasha, i am." She whispered.

The young witch typed a few digits and held the phone to her ear.

After a few rings she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey agnes, i need your help"

#natasha romanoff #black widow #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #scarlet widow #wandanat #wanda x nat #wanda x natasha #natasha x wanda

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years

Text

King Taeyong | 2

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // SMUT, FLUFF, angst, fantasy!au Summary: Lee Taeyong is slowly changing your life making you happier that you could ever be. He made you happy but you didn’t know why he left you without saying a word. Will he come back? Word Count: 4k Warnings: Unprotected sex and whole lot of filth lol but not too much, swearing, insecurity, mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols but not too much Note: The fantasy part will take part next chapter hihi enjoy the filth in this chapter. And Jaehyun is here hihi Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

You welcomed Lee Taeyong in your life without any hesitation and it is the best decision you made. Your apartment is slowly having life, pictures of you and Taeyong scattered on every corner as if its a reminder that you have him and that you’re not dreaming, his things are neatly stacked on his small space in your apartment, you wear his clothes almost everyday because they’re really comfortable.

A normal day with Taeyong goes like this: You wake up from a great fuck from last night, you cuddle in bed in the morning still sore from fucking and if you’re lucky enough he will fuck you before breakfast, you make him a heavy breakfast he makes you good coffee, he tries to tie your hair but fails everyday and tells you he will get it right someday.

Slowly you meet people in his life, and he tells you about his company and what he really does at work when he’s not with you. Finding out that Taeyong builds schools and children’s home makes your heart bursts into happiness because you know his heart is genuine and true. You met Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny you think that all four of them are really handsome.

One morning while he was trying to tie your hair, he told you that he needs to be gone for a few days because of work and the thought of not seeing him even just for a day is already heavy for you. “I understand, but how long?” you turned to face him, your hair is still a mess.

“I dont know actually. This might take a while.” he can feel your sadness already so he hugged you from behind and peppered you with kisses. “I’ll make it up to you when I got back. I promise.” You smiled and told him you understand his line of work, you told him to come grocery shopping with you and have dinner tonight before he leaves, he agrees.

When you got back from the grocery store with Taeyong, a man almost looked like a prince is waiting for you outside your apartment. You were surprised and you almost dropped the bag that you’re carrying.

“Jaehyun”

He turned around and smiled at you flashing those cute dimples. He helped you with the grocery bags and you hugged him tightly cupping his face telling him you missed him so much and that its been a long time. Jaehyun has purple hair now, and you noticed and complements his white skin and you told him he looks handsome than ever. Taeyong clears his throat and was waiting for you to introduce the man to him. He almost got jealous.

“Oh I’m sorry. Taeyong, this is Jaehyun. My childhood friend-“

“And her future husband” Jaehyun offers his right hand for a shake and mocking smile.

Taeyong is now jealous. He shakes Jaehyun’s hand nonetheless. “Very funny Jaehyun we both know that’s impossible” you but in and invited him inside.

Jaehyun noticed your apartment changed a lot, he saw the pictures of you and Taeyong almost annoyed seeing Taeyong’s face everywhere. To be honest Jaehyun was not pleased about Taeyong and they’re both giving each other hard glances the whole dinner time. Jaehyun smells trouble all over Taeyong but he can’t say that to you because you never listen to him.

“So Jae, what brings you here?” you asked him finally fixing him a plate of pasta. “Well, you dont visit nowadays? Is there something wrong?” Jaehyun answered with a concerned tone, little did he know you’re far from being sad because Taeyong makes you happy.

“Well maybe if you watch her perform you would know that she’s busy doing what she loves” Taeyong answered for you, not removing his eyes on Jaehyun.

“Y/n,” he points at Taeyong across the table, “another hookup? you never learn” that hurt, you thought. But you cant be mad to Jaehyun, you’re sure he didn’t mean it. Taeyong on the other hand is just looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to defend him from Jaehyun.

To be honest you don’t know Taeyong’s role in your life but one thing is for sure, he’s the one who makes you happy every single day, he changed your life. On second thought, yeah Taeyong what are we? You turned to Jaehyun and gave him a cold look, “Jaehyun, be nice.”

Jaehyun drinks his glass of wine in one chug and stands up from where he’s seated, leans on the table both of his arms supporting him and looks at Taeyong. “A lot of assholes already left in that door and I know them all. They never stayed because they’re too dumb to know y/n’s worth.” he walks towards your door and collects his jacket ready to leave.

“Oh btw. If she says no fucking tonight. She means it. That shit really hurts her down there. Hope you don’t fuck her then let her dance the next day” and Jaehyun slams the door.

That hurt Taeyong the most because he didn’t know. He didn’t know because you never told him and it made you guilty. Clearly Jaehyun knew you too well to know those kinds of stuff about you, Taeyong thought. His mind wonders about your relationship with Jaehyun but he sees you upset already.

You cleared the table and stayed silent the whole night. You didn’t know how to face Taeyong or where to start to explaining. You were scared that Taeyong might be angry with you and that he will leave tomorrow morning angry. That will hurt your feelings more than anything and you will never forgive Jaehyun if that happens. But just like Jaehyun, Taeyong knows what you feel in his own way. And now he knows you’re hurt, he hugged you from behind while you dry the plates and stayed there for a while.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know” Taeyong whispered. It melts your heart because he didn’t do anything wrong and you cant explain it to him because you’re ashamed.

“Baby, I dont know what to say right now. It hurts, yes. But that shit is normal. Every other girl who gets a good fuck knows that” you explained almost looking like you’re angry but you’re not.

“Just please…From now on, you will tell me okay?” he used it again. That tone that will make you follow him whatever it is that he’s telling you to do. It’s that tone that makes you follow him without arguing further. Then everything is okay again. Jaehyun is stupid, you thought.

You feel the familiar soft kisses on your nape, slowly going down to the sides of your neck and it feels so good you can feel all the tension leave your body the moment Taeyong kisses you softly. You turned around and encircled your arms around his neck giving sweet kisses that he deserves.

“I’m sorry about Jaehyun” you said in between kissing him, “I know I have a lot of explaining to do” you add. He slips hand inside your shirt and draw small circles behind your back. “Explain later. For now, let’s enjoy the time we have, please. He already took a lot of my time with you” Taeyong walks you to your bedroom, kissing you nonstop whispering your praises.

It was raining outside, thunders here and there but you know Taeyong will keep you warm for the night, he always does. He will leave after breakfast tomorrow and you dont want to waste even a second with him.

Already both naked and ready for a good fuck, you can feel that he’s already hesitating on having sex with you because of what Jaehyun told him earlier. Trying to get him naked, you initiate and made the first move telling him, “baby, its okay. Fuck me good like you normally do” you tell him in between wet kisses.

You kiss him deeply letting him know that it’s okay to touch you. Guiding his hands all over your body where he feels good, he whispers sweet things to you saying that you’re in good hands and that he’s not going to leave like the other jerks. That familiar heat creeps in your body already, the heat only Taeyong could provide.

It was a slow start but you make sure that tonight everything is okay. He was standing beside your bed and you’re sitting on the edge, spreading your legs wide for him and kissing him hungrily. You reached for his hand, kissed it and sucked two fingers and made him finger you while you sit on the edge of the bed. You grind slowly on his fingers, you almost looked filthy in your own eyes but Taeyong deserves this. Putting yourself on edge in front of him while looking him in the eye, you make sweet moans that turns him on.

In his eyes, you look so beautiful and hot with parted lips and grinding in front of him while his fingers fucks you. That was enough head start to make him hard and to drive him crazy. “It wont hurt me baby” you told him while pulling him to bed and make him hover you feeling his soft flawless skin.

And so he did. He kissed the insides of your thighs wetting it with his spit. Intertwining his hands to with yours so you could grip it whenever you feel good. Lining his cock in your pussy, teasing you enough to make you shudder beneath him. You asked him again to fuck you hard like he usually do, telling him again and again thats its okay. You smile while you moan and moan while he tease your pussy, looking at him directly in his eyes because he’s so handsome.

“Baby stop doing that. I’ll cum. You’re driving me crazy.” He whispers in your ear and that made you both chuckle. He grips your boobs making you gasps, pinching your sensitive nipples. Soon the small laugh you both let out turned in to groans and long moans. He enters you slowly, feeling your walls and savouring it. Pulling his cock back and smirked in front of you. Seeing you how fucked up you are right now makes him hard even more.

He did it again, and again to make you crazy. Taeyong’s cock was not inside you fully he’s doing it on purpose. “Not yet.” He’s always like that you thought, he’s saving the deep thrust for later.

“Can you wait a little more?” he whispers beside you again making you frustrated already. But he pushes inside without telling you, slow and deep. You let out a louder moan than earlier. “Tae... what the fuck” is all you can say on how good he feels right now. He let out a small laugh starting to fuck you already, no more playing games. You peeked down there and you saw how Taeyong’s cock enters you slowly, his big cock goes inside you smoothly. “Can’t believe that can fit inside me Tae” you managed to tell him with short breaths and you closed your eyes trying to feel and savour the feeling, you hear him pant.

A loud smack echoed in the room, you opened your eyes and sharply moaned when his hand slaps your ass. He did it several times, making you wetter than ever his thrusts going smoother because of your juices. He turned you on your side and lifted your right leg, the new positions makes you dizzy in a good way. Soft kisses planted on your lifted leg but his cock demands attention, “fuck Tae! Hmm - baby, you found my spot!” You cum when he looks at you in the eye full of love and lust at the same time. You’re lost in his eyes.

After your first orgasm, he pulls out and kissed you as if he’s saying, ‘take a rest’ but instead he said “First of many for tonight babe” while catching his breath. Kissing you deeply, cock still inside, that means he’s prepping you for another round. “Can I fuck you from behind?” He asked so sweetly, you can only nod feeling tired and sleepy.

Fucking from behind is your favorite position, it feels good but it’s intimate and wild at the same time. As he fucks you from behind you, Taeyong gave you multiple orgasms already, your legs are wide open for a better angle and he fucks you deeper than earlier. He fucks so good while whispering sweet things behind you, it helps you cum so fast you lost count how many orgasms you have already.

He’s cupping your breast and playing with your hard nipples and pushing a finger in on your clit and just let him do whatever he wants to you while you come down from your previous orgasm. Spreading your legs wide for him, waiting for you to come down from your high, he licks your dripping cunt from behind, slowly like eating ice cream. You shiver, you feel your legs being weak. He felt that you’re already tired but he wants to do something you will never forget even when you wake up in the morning.

Still high from the last orgasm, nerves still sensitive from overstimulation. He lays you flat on the mattress again giving you wet kisses on your chest and grinds on your pussy occasionally, not fully putting his cock inside. As usual.

“Baby I can feel that you’re tired already” he whispers in your ear nibbling your earlobe. You feel his cock poke your pussy and it surprises you how he’s hard again. He teases your entrance while devouring your neck, still so wet and you feel him making a move again as he spreads your legs preparing you for another round but you’re really tired you cant even talk. You pant and you almost push Taeyong away as a sign that you cant take it anymore, that it’s already too much but he has other plans.

He has a smirk on his face and you can see that he’s tired too but hes pushing. Knowing that you can’t talk, he made you a deal while he fingers your pussy slowly, letting out a whine as he makes you listen to him. For every question that will be left un answered he will continue fucking you senseless and hard. But if you gather your strength and answer his questions immediately, he will slow down and will stop fucking you.

“Ready? Don’t disappoint me now. We’ve come so far” He fingers you while watching you so fucked up beneath him, legs spreading wide waiting for his question.

He’s enjoying this.

Taeyong stopped fingering you and grabbed his cock, the tip of his cock is ready to enter you and he grinds softly so you both dont have rest from the sensation that hes giving.

“What do you want......-“ he slams in you groaning how good feel around his cock again, giving you hard thrusts already. “ for breakfast?” he continues the question.

You really cant compose your sentence because of the way he’s fucking you hard, your breasts are bouncing up and down because of his quick thrusts. You cant even think of a meal for breakfast but you force yourself to answer, “ eggs...oh fuck-“ hes not satisfied, “with bacon and - Taeyong!” You pant and let out heavy breaths, you cant hardly finish your sentence.

“You want me for breakfast?” He chuckled and fucks you hard still.

“Eggs...!” You pant, “ bacon... avo...cado, bread! AAH!” You moan hard and tried to grasp anything form the bed.

“Good” he responds, reducing the way he fucks you for the mean time but still not stopping. “Last question.” He said while he thumbs your clit too. Leaning towards you and kissing you hard, wet kisses on your neck.

“Will you be my girlfriend? Be mine?” he asked, you can hear his pants and deep moans letting you know he’s almost there. Even though he’s fucking you and the both of you are already tired and worked up, you still see how he patiently waits for your answer. Hoping you would say yes.

And with that question, he instantly fucks you slow and good. As if turning everything whats happening into love making in just a second. You were really surprised with how good he fucks you right now and knowing the situation, it put you in tears.

You were crying already, letting out sweet moans, you just want to cum. But the question. Oh the question. You want to say yes but you’re reaching your edge and in any second you will reach your climax for nth time tonight.

Forcing yourself to let out an airy “yes” that he didn’t catch, he’s not stopping and it makes you even crazy. Why aren’t you stopping.

“Baby?” He leans in on you giving you soft kisses while he thrust slow and deep, holding and intertwining both of your hands above your head feeling the fluffy pillows.

“Be with me forever?” He asked again.

“Yes!” You answered almost a scream, letting out a loud moan. You both reached your high and he stopped thrusting immediately, his cock still inside you. Showering you kisses all over your face because of happiness. Taeyong gathered his strength and pulled out. Cleaning every inch of your body, careful not to make you shiver with his touch. Chanting his apologies for being rough. You didn’t want him to say sorry because you were happy for everything he made you feel tonight.

“I love you” you reached for his face, “Lee Taeyong”

Both of you cant sleep even though you’re both tired. You made coffee and finally talked about what happened earlier during dinner, you offered a massage because you can feel that he’s exhausted. Stealing kisses on his soft skin when you can.

“So... Jaehyun “ Taeyong looks to you while sipping his hot coffee kissing your hands on his shoulders. “Oh right well, one thing is for sure he’s not a threat or anything. He’s just overprotective because we had a history” you explained while continuing to massage him.

“Uh huh. And what kind of history is that?” He comes closer to you, making you stop from what you were doing.

You explained that Jaehyun is family, his family is close to your family for as long as you could remember. And that one day he decided to fall in love you but you dont feel the same way. His mother and your mother likes the idea of the two of you being together, so they kind of forced you and Jaehyun to have a relationship. Your mother suggested to give Jaehyun a chance because he’s a nice guy and he’s a perfect husband material. You agreed but you really dont have feelings for him and that you see Jaehyun as a brother. As you move in for college, Jaehyun volunteered to take care of you while you’re away from home. He took care of you most of the time so you decided to give it a shot. You were a senior by the time you and Jaehyun had sex for the first time. He was your first.

“So thats why he knows how your body works! That-“ you cut him off with a kiss before he even finish his sentence.

“We were young and crazy that time please understand. And you know how senior year stresses your life out.”

No I never went to college, Im a King. Taeyong thought. But he just shook his head and let out a loud sigh.

“We only have each other by that time, I help him study he takes care of me. We went out for some time. But it never worked out between us because I really don’t feel anything for him” you kissed Taeyong and snuggled beside him, “and that was a long time ago Taeyong....He’s married now” you let out a small laugh and looked at him, his face completely in shock. “He’s just protective because I’ve been with guys that aren’t nice enough to stay for breakfast.”

Taeyong feels sorry what he did earlier. If he only knew… but he still wanted to punch Jaehyun in the face for making him feel like shit in front of you earlier.

“What time are you going to leave? The sun is almost out now.” You asked, playing with the softness of his hands. “In an hour” you hummed acknowledging him and just looking at the sky through the window. “I know a place where we can see beautiful sunrise while holding each other like this. One day I’ll bring you there.” Taeyong softly whispers behind you.

Taeyong left for his business trip and you feel lonelier than ever but you thought it’s fine, he will come back. And that it’s for you to stop thinking that one day he will leave you. He told you to go to his office every time you feel lonely and Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny can keep you company. It pains you to see Taeyong leave.

You cary on with your life, did daily routine without Taeyong and you miss him more everyday.

2 weeks

Still no Taeyong.

Someone rang the doorbell, you only hope it was Taeyong but it’s just amazon.

1 month

It’s been a month since he left, you already cannot believe this was happening. You check if meeting Taeyong was only a dream but no, he’s 100% real. Happy pictures of you and him are scattered around your apartment and his things are nicely placed. Where are you?

Christmas season

It’s Christmas eve and you went home to your family. Hoping to spend Christmas with Taeyong was too much you thought. Your plan on introducing Taeyong to your parents is cancelled and it pains you more because he’s been a really big part of your life already.

You and Jaehyun had wine and enjoyed Christmas eve with your family and his family. Seeing Jaehyun and Jinsoul happily married makes your heart at ease for you know that Jaehyun is in good hands and that love is real, and someday you’ll find yours. Being home makes you happy and alive, you just cant be alone and spend Christmas in your apartment full off good memories with Taeyong.

“Im surprised you didn’t bring him” Jaehyun broke the silence. “He has a business trip” is all you can say because thats all you know. He sincerely apologised about what happened last time and you said that it was fine, you got hurt but you told him you know he’s just being protective. “Damn right I am.” He said while laughing, he told you that they’ve been trying to have a baby and for some reason, Jinsoul just cant get pregnant. “Jae... Im happy for you!” You clap your hands and told him to just hang in there and just try and try.

“Merry Christmas y/n” and you greeted him back.

Taeyong. Come back please. You let out a whisper while looking at the snow outside, wondering where Taeyong is now.

He missed Christmas, New years, your birthday, and Valentines. You thought, enough is enough and that you waited long enough for him. “business trip my ass” you said while putting everything that reminds you of him in a box. You fixed your apartment and you asked Jaehyun to redecorate it with you.

“Im sorry I asked you to redecorate my apartment on your birthday” you apologised while you push the cart around, looking for stuff you need for your apartment. “Its okay! Im not doing anything today. Me and Jinsoul celebrate in advance don’t worry. My wife is busy at work so we cant celebrate today.” You feel sorry for Jaehyun but you told him at least he has you and he can celebrate with you instead.

Sage green walls, new couch, pictures of you and your friends... you love the new look of your apartment all thanks to Jaehyun for the help.

You baked a cake for him and he was really happy about it. “Just like the old times” he said and he ate a big piece and starts moaning telling you how good the cake is. “I think you should start your own bakery” Jaehyun suggests. Its not a bad idea, now that you’re resting from dance, its not so bad to start baking again. “Yeah I think, I will” you said to Jaehyun.

“Hows everything with the baby.... making?” You asked Jaehyun awkwardly while eating a spoonful of cake.

“Still not good. I’m starting to worry actually, but she had a check up... actually we both did, and the doctor said there’s nothing wrong us. Its just maybe, due to the stress?” Jaehyun let out a sigh getting more cake.

He went home pretty late after finishing three bottles of wine with you, leaving you and your new apartment all alone. It doesn’t feel so lonely anymore you thought, or maybe it’s because of the alcohol. But whatever the reason is, you’re ready to move forward and just forget about Taeyong.

Months passed by, you focus on doing what you love, baking. You took extra baking classes to feed your soul and passion more, and you take big risks to make your dream of having a small bakery come true. When you’re not baking or not learning, you make sure to spend time with your family and friends. No more hook ups. Not because you’re still waiting on Taeyong, but because you’re tired of having temporary relationships that wastes your time. Good thing your cakes are selling pretty good and you have baking to make you happy.

Life is finally better. You learned that self love comes first always and the rest will follow. Being alone made you happy in life more.

Until one day you were taking a rest while you’re waiting for your cupcakes to cool down, the doorbell rang expecting it to be Jaehyun.

Without looking through the peephole, you opened the door with a smile hoping to see your best friend’s beautiful dimples. But all you can see is flowers, an arrangement of beautiful flowers almost as big as the man carrying it.

Wrong flower delivery you guessed. He puts down the flowers and it was someone you know. And it was not Jaehyun.

“Y/n...”

You closed the door with a loud bang not wanting to believe who just appeared in your doorstep. Suddenly all the happy memories came back, rushing in your brain all at once, remembering how you’ve been so hurt while waiting for him to come back.

Taeyong knocks again not saying anything. You didn’t have a choice and you let Taeyong inside your apartment. Gathering all your strength to say that you want to end this relationship or whatever it is that you both have, you just want to live peacefully. --------------------------- It just so happens that Taeyong is away in real life for now. huhuhu

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct taeyong #taeyong smut #nct smut #nct imagines #kpop fic #nct scenarios #nct imagine #smut #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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novannna · 3 years

Text

You Were the Hands That Held Me

Danissa soulmate au. everyone has a soul mate, and any marking that appears on their skin, appears on yours. narcissa’s pov. Kinda angsty, but also fluffy.

tw: self harm, and mentions of abuse kinda

wc: 2363

Narcissa stared at her arm in awe. This was the first time her soulmate had ever drawn something on her skin. She had felt the same cuts and bruises her soulmate had received, just like everyone else, but this was the first time her soulmate had deliberately marked her own skin.

Messy butterflies with uneven wings, and twisted antennas marched down Narcissa’s forearm.

“Oh,” she whispered. “Cool.” She grabbed the nearest marked, and held it poised above the other arm, ready to reply, but thought better of it.

She shouldn’t force her soulmate to stop their art for Narcissa. She dropped the marker, and kept watching the thick lines as they covered her entire arm.

That night she washed it all away in scalding hot water before her grandfather noticed. He wouldn’t approve of Narcissa communicating with her soulmate.

He hated the idea of How there was one person in the world, waiting just for you.

His soulmate had died years ago, leaving him heartbroken and angry, bitter to the world.

If Narcissa wasn’t careful, he might take the anger out on her.

Narcissa could take it, but she didn’t want to hurt her soulmate too. Narcissa would feel awful.

So she tried to ignore the small flowers and butterflies her soulmate drew constantly. Narcissa tried her very best.

---

Years later, Narcissa wrote to her soulmate for the first time. It was in the middle of the night, when Narcissa had felt a searing pain across her arm that looked like a red slit across her pale skin.

Her soulmate was in trouble. She couldn’t just stand by now. Narcissa had to do something.

Grabbing a tissue to staunch the bleeding, Narcissa scrawled across her hand in thick ink.

STOP

I can’t , her soulmate replied.

Please, just hear me out, Narcissa wrote, hoping she could do enough. Hoping she could convince the person who had drawn butterflies everywhere on their body, that maybe the world really did want them.

please, just stay out of this

I can’t. This is my body too. And even though I’ve never met you, you're my soulmate and I care about you.

Fine. I’ll listen. Her soulmate's handwriting was a little shaky, but very neat, with tall, loopy letters.

I’m guessing you’ve been having a hard time with life recently, Narcissa started.

I guess

Do you want to be here? Narcissa asked bluntly

There was a long pause. I don’t know, her soulmate finally responded. I love Earth, but the people…. I can’t stand the people. All they do is bring hate and hurt to me

I get that. But the people don’t matter. You do. Danna wrote desperately.

No I don’t. I’ve never done a single good thing in my life

You have! You’ve made me smile! You’ve made me laugh!

Her soulmate replied, When? This is the first time I’ve ever talked to you

When we were younger, you used to constantly doodle little flowers and butterflies all across our bodies. I loved to watch you draw them, watch the blocky little lines appear across my body. Danna smiled as she recalled the delicate insects she wore across her body daily.

I thought you hated those. That’s why I stopped

No, of course not!

Then why did you erase them?

Narcissa sighed. She thought for a second, then wrote, my grandfather. He hates soulmates. If he knew I was communicating with mine, I’m afraid he would hurt me. And doing that would hurt you.

But… that means you could get in trouble right now!

No. I won’t, I’m fine. You are more important. Tell me, what made you want to hurt yourself today?

I guess I’m just tired of being ignored. I’m tired of being treated like a child. I want to leave my house, but I can’t. I can’t live on my own.

Thats okay, you shouldn’t be ignored. You should be your own person, and if your parents cant see that, they’re idiots!!

Narcissa capped the pen, and tried to wrap her blanket around her arm, the blood slowly soaked through the fabric, staining the blanket a bright red. How would she explain that to her grandfather? It didn’t matter right now though. Right now, she had to make sure her soulmate was okay. That was her one and only goal. Nothing else mattered. Narcissa had the opportunity to maybe save a life right now. That’s what she had to do.

They aren’t. I’m the one who’s screwing up, her soulmate replied. I cant ever get anything right. Im just a big mistake that shouldn't even exist. The worlds probably better without me

THATS NOT FUCKING TRUE! Narcissa scrawled as quickly as she could. I dont believe it. Not for a second. Just by being here, you’ve made the world a better place. Everyday, I wake up and check my body for some indicator that you’re here. I can’t help but think about the fact that there is someone out there meant for me. And I’m meant for someone.

I guess…

Narcissa sighed heavily. She had to go to bed before her grandfather woke and saw her light on.

Are you okay? She wrote. Are you in any danger? If you are, im here. For both of us

A minute passed before the reply came. I dont think so. I think im better. But… if i feel bad again, can i talk to u? This actually really helped me. Thank you

Narcissa smiled. Of course!!! Just, could u write somewhere less obvious?

Sure. I understand.

Narcissa smiled gratefully. How ‘bout our ankles? That’s less obvious and easy for me to hide

She felt pressure on her right foot, and slid it out from beneath her blanket. A smile, and little butterfly doodle greeted her eyes.

Good night, soulmate, Narcissa wrote

Good night. Sleep tight. And… thank you.

Narcissa smiled. She slid out of bed, and held her arm close to her chest while creeping to the bathroom. Once inside, she scrubbed all of the ink off her skin, and bandaged the red slit shut.

Narcissa and her soulmate were okay. That was all that mattered. Everything was alright. At least for now. But now was the only thing Narcissa could bear to think about.

---

After that one night, Narcissa’s soulmate never hurt themselves like that again. But that didn’t mean they weren’t hurting. Narcissa could tell they were hurting themselves in other ways.

She tried to help. She wrote reminders every few hours, telling her soulmate to eat, and drink water. She wrote encouraging messages, and doodled across their skin.

But still, Narcissa would feel her stomach growl with hunger, and her tongue beg for more water. She felt her eyes grow heavy even though she had slept almost 10 hours the night before. Her soulmate just didn’t care, and there was nothing Narcissa could do.

They would talk to each other constantly, ranting about their day, or commenting about something they saw. Narcissa grew much closer to the person she had never even seen the face of. Closer to them then anyone else she had ever known.

Even her grandfather.

Narcissa had a very strained relationship with her grandfather. She knew deep down he loved her, but he had a hard time showing it. He was caught in a life of crime, and there was no way out.

He had been an arms dealer for years, selling guns and other weapons on the black market. He made a lot of money, but not a lot of friends. He was a bitter old man, who took all of his anger out on Narcissa. He had never hit her, but his words were hard enough.

Narcissa knew she was being abused, and belittled, and manipulated, but she always ended up excusing his actions. Or even worse, sometimes she would place the blame on herself. She knew she was in a bad situation, but it was one she was stuck in.

Narcissa talked about him lots with her soulmate. It turned out, they had a similar situation with their parents.

Mistreated, abused, bullied, shamed.

The two escaped into their skin, engrossed with each other. They held each other right through the pain and the tears. Though at times, both of them desperately wanted to, they held strong and never hurried themselves for fear of hurting the other.

---

One day, the straw finally snapped for Narcissa. She was 17 now, and old enough to live her own life. Old enough to understand what her grandfather gave her wasn’t love, it was trauma.

After he yelled at her for an hour straight because she put a book in the wrong bookshelf, Narcissa decided she had taken enough.

Can we go? She desperately scrawled across her ankle. Can we escape these sorry excuses for lives?

Her soulmate wrote back a few minutes later. What do you mean?

We’re old enough to live on our own. Why are we forcing ourselves to live with these people who treat us so terribly. Why don’t we just run away together?

Ok. The reply shocked Narcissa. She had been expecting them to try and convince her otherwise, make her see the absurdity. Not agree. But Narcissa was glad they agreed. They both deserved a chance to start over. To make a life for themselves, and do it right.

You will?

With you? Of course I will silly. I’ve been waiting years for me to ask

When? When can we leave?

Whenever your ready

A week, Narcissa declared, I’ll meet you in a week at Gatlon City, at the train station

Ok. I’ll be there, I promise, her soulmate wrote.

Me too. Narcissa grinned. She was finally escaping. Finally starting fresh. Finally leaving her grandfather to be with someone who truly cared. Narcissa couldn’t wait.

---

Narcissa creaked the door open, cringing as the hinges squealed loudly.

“Just where do you think you’re going?” Her grandfather slurred from the couch.

Shitshitshitshit, Narcissa though. She was caught. She was never going to escape her life.

“I told you earlier this week I’m going to a friends house tonight,” Narcissa said lightly, trying to mask her terror.

“Stop lying!” He screamed. “I know that’s not true, you don’t have any friends.”

Narcissa cringed.

She breathed in deeply. She was already leaving forever, there was no point in lying anymore.

“Fine I’m leaving. For good.” She braced herself for the rage.

Instead, he laughed. “You? You're leaving?” He scoffed. “You would never. You’re too scared and dependent on me.”

Narcissa drew herself up. “No. You’re wrong. I’m leaving, to find my soulmate. We’re making our own life. Together.”

He gaped at her. “You can’t! You can’t go to your soulmate,” he spat. “You’ll live a terrible life. You’ll be tied down forever.”

Narcissa shook her head. “No. I won’t. I’ll live the best life I can. Because I’ll be happy. I won’t live in fear anymore. I’m sorry you weren’t meant for your soulmate, but it’s different for me. I know them. We are meant for each other. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. All you know is hate.”

“So you’re really going?” Her grandfather’s lip curled up.

Narrcissa nodded. “I am. I’m making my own life, as far away from here as possible.”

“Then go!” He snarled. “I don’t want you in my house if you won’t see a reason. Go.” He picked a book sitting next to him, and hurled it at Narcissa’s head.

She ducked, her hair ruffling by the wind.

She turned to him, tears in her eyes. “Goodbye grandfather. I’m sorry.” She threw open the door, and fled into the night.

---

Narcissa’s heart thudded in her ears. This was it. This was the day she was going to meet her soulmate. She knew she should be realistic, but Narcissa couldn’t help imagining the meeting like something out of the sappy romance novels she liked to read.

She expected the dreary clouds to disappear, and the sun to shine out on top of them.

She expected to know exactly who was her other half

She expected to run up, into their arms, and kiss them like she had wanted to be kissed her entire life.

But Narcissa knew how unlikely it was. But, a girl could hope, couldn’t she?

She inhaled deeply. Uncapping the pen with her teeth, she scrawled on her palm, I’m here

Me too, her soulmate wrote back. The familiar loopy red marks eased Narcissa. She knew this person. This was her soulmate. Everything was going to be okay. It would all be okay.

Her eyes locked onto a girl standing near a bench, her head bent over her hand, a pen tucked behind her ear.

Somehow, Narcissa knew. She knew this was the person she had been searching for her whole life. She knew that the girl was her soulmate.

Summoning every miniscule scrap of courage Narcissa could find, she approached the girl.

She tapped her shoulder. “Hi,” Narcissa breathed, heart pounding. “I’m Narcissa. I think I’m your-”

She was interrupted by the girl throwing her arms around her tightly.

“I’ve waited so long to meet you,” Narcissa’s soulmate said roughly, her voice thick with tears. “I’m Danna.”

Narcissa laughed. She realized she was crying. “Me too.”

“I feel like I already know everything about you,” Danna laughed. She swiped her eyes.

Narcissa nodded. “I know we’re soulmates, but I want you to know I understand if you don’t want me,” she said. “I get it- not all soulmates are really soulmates.”

She was cut off by Danna pressing her lips to hers. “I want you,” Danna breathed. “You're the one who I’ve trusted with every secret I’ve ever held. You’re the one who helped me when no one else could. You’re the one who took care of me.” Danna held their hands up, exposing the thick identical scars that spread across their wrists. “You are the only other person in the world who understood, and actually helped me. You were the hands that held me.” Danna reached her hand to Narcissa’s face, wiping away her tears. “I want you, and no one else.”

“Me too,” Narcissa whispered. “Me too.”

Tag list: @novissa @thepurpledragon4444 @phobidawg @janisarkisian @rvbell @lavenderbloo @redassassin (let me know if you want to be added/taken off!!!)

#danissa #danna bell #narcissa cronin #wlwrenegades #renegades au #Renegades #supernova #archenemies #tw self harm #self harm tw #self harm #tw abuse #tw mentions of abuse #abuse tw #reblogs>>>likes

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 7

A/N- Thank you to all of you that are showing this Fic love! It means the world to me! ILY 💕

**From here on out expect spoilers from Defending Jacob**

I found it hard to sleep last night, my mind just wouldn't switch off. The thought that there was someone out there that killed a kid..... was this the start of something bigger or just someone with a grudge against Ben Rifkin?

God i wish Frank was here... i really didn't want to be home alone right now. But I hadn't heard from him since i said that i couldn't make drinks, i had sent a few texts but got no reply to any of them. Then my mind would wander to Andy, wondering how he was coping with everything, id seen a different side to him yesterday, a vulnerable side.

I gave up trying to sleep around 5am, had a shower and dressed for work. I decided to stop at the coffee shop on the way to the office today, so left a little earlier than usual. As i was walking towards the coffee shop i saw Frank walk out with his arm around a little blonde's waist nuzzling her neck and smiling, that same panty dropping smile he gave me. After the initial shock i shook my head and scoffed.... how could i have been so stupid to think he meant the shit he said?? Andy was right, Frank was a fuckboy.

When Frank looked up and saw me he looked a bit like a deer in the headlights.

"Morning" i said as i casually as i carried on walking into the coffee shop. It was far too early to deal with shit like that.

I ordered my coffee and something for Andy then grabbed a couple Cinnamon Rolls. As i waited for my coffee's i was approached by Neal Logiudice, he worked for the DA, Andy's protege from what i heard, i hadnt really had much dealings with him to be honest.

"Hi" he said "your Y/N right? Andy's new assistant?"

"Thats right"

"Im Neal Logiudice, i work at the DA's office"

"Yeah i've seen you around" i nodded.

"Its awful about that kid isnt it?"

"The worst, i cant even imagine what his parents must be going through"

"Me either. Im actually surprised Andy isn't doing more you know?"

"No, i dont know!..... what more do you want him to do?? Andy has done everything he can in this case...."

"You see i dont think he has, i think his too close to this one to see clearly"

"Well your wrong Neal, Andy is doing everything he possibly can..... dont try and use this tragedy to further your own position!" I snapped feeling my blood boil at his shitty accusations.

"Two coffee's for Y/N" was called and i turned to go grab them without another word to Neal.

When i got to work i headed straight to Andy's office to give him his coffee and pastry.

"Knock, knock" i said with a smile holding up the coffee's, Andy was sat at his desk looking over a file.

"Hey, come on in" he leant back in the chair and gave me a smile.

"I brought you the good coffee and a Cinnamon Roll" i placed them on his desk in front of him and sat in the chair opposite.

"You angel!"

"I was up early so i had time to stop" i shrugged taking a sip of my drink.

"You okay?"

"Im fine, just..... it doesn't matter" i scoffed shaking my head as i thought about seeing Frank with the blonde and the weird encounter with Neal.

"You know you can talk to me"

"Yeah i know" i nodded quickly "just been a weird morning...."

"Already? Damn that doesn't sound good" he smiled pulling out the cinnamon roll and taking a bite.

"Actually, there is something i feel like i should mention, it just seemed odd....."

"Okay...."

"When i was getting the coffee Neal came over to me"

"Logiudice?"

"Yeah..... he started saying how he thinks you should be doing more on the case, that your too close to see clearly"

"Thats bullshit! I barely even know the Rifkins!" Andy said shocked at what i was telling him.

"I know that, i told him you were doing everything you could. I also may have told him not to use this tragedy to further his own career before walking out" i admitted nervously "i'm sorry.... i just got so pissed when he started talking about you like that"

"Why are you sorry? I would've said a lot worse than that"

"It was unprofessional of me...."

"Neal was the unprofessional one, I wouldn't worry too much about him"

"Okay, i just thought id give you a heads up.... i dont know if his planning to try and get you pushed from the case"

"Probably, sounds like something he would do, his a little shit".

"Creep more like. Anyway, you all set for the interviews at the school? You need me to do anything?"

"We're all good, i'm meeting Duffy at the school at 9 and we'll probably be there all day.... if you can just keep on top of things here for now and i'll call if i need anything?"

"Sounds good"

A knock on the door made us both turn in our seats to see who it was.

"Andy, Lynne's asking to see you" Lynne's assistant Abby said quickly before rushing off on her way.

"Great, i better go. I'll catch up with you later, thanks for breakfast" he winked on his way out.

It was about 20 minutes later when Andy came marching out of Lynnes office, he stopped at my desk when he reached me.

"You were right about Neal, little prick!"

"Oh god, what happened?"

"He went to Lynne and offered to take over the case, he apparently has concerns about the appearance of conflict! which Lynne agree's with!" Andy was trying to keep calm but i could tell how much this was pissing him off.

"He says i'm dragging my feet with the case..... i cant help it if its going slow! We have no evidence except for a partial print!" He sat on the edge of my desk and rubbed his hands over his face "im not just going to indict someone just to make it look good"

"Of course not!"

"He wanted to know why we hadn't already started to talk to the kids at the school.... half the parents there are lawyers, he knows that. We had to do things right.... every single detail had to be negotiated before we could even attempt to talk to the kids"

"So are they taking you off the case??"

"Not yet, Lynne accepted my argument for staying on. For now anyway."

"Thank god!"

"I gotta go meet Duffy....." he sighed as he checked his watch.

"Okay, good luck, i hope you find something that helps. Call me if you need anything?"

"Sure" he nodded giving me a tight lipped smile "thanks for the heads up about Neal"

"Of course, we've gotta stick together right?"

"Right" he smiled giving my hand a quick squeeze, a minute later he was pulling on his coat and heading to the elevators.

Frank: Hey, can we talk?

Y/N: Im working

Frank: Y/N please?

Y/N: I dont have time right now! Haven't you heard whats going on??

Frank: U mean the kid in the woods?

Y/N: Yeah! things are crazy here.

Frank: I bet. Maybe i can come by tonight? I can explain....

Y/N: There's no point, its obvious what was going on. It was all just casual fun with us anyway right? we weren't exclusive or anything.

Y/N: I think its best we don't see each other for a while

Frank: seriously??

Y/N: I gotta get back to work. Take care Frank.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig

#sebastian stan #chris evans #eb!frank #eb!frank x reader #andy barber #andy barber x reader #defending jacob #endings beginnings #reader insert #rose coloured glasses

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themeed · 3 years

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damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

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theholyyuunoaduck · 4 years

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Purpouse......every living thing has it but what is it thats what we all search for what we all crave

Perhaps life is just all of searching for that very thing that gives it meaning so what might be yours....hm?

Copper thats all that was registering towards his senses the taste

The smell full of copper yuu was suspended in the air by his friends possessed body being held by the throat beaten badly the remenants of his sword formed of salt began to crumble yet his hand gripped and gripped the handle of his blade as if it would somehow save everyone and everything the markings across his body from the curse began to receed

"Ah...i wish the sky was blue instead of this red shade" he would think to himself

"You know its rude to ignore the one you love when they ask you something" her voice or perhaps his voice reverberated in his ears the melodic tone of shigamas vocal cords ran through his brain sounding like the mix of the both of them

Go......to hell...

Hmm intresting

Shigama braught yuu's face closer to the body of the possessed girl with lilac hair her wings seemed to suspend them both in the air looking as if her lips were mere inches from his as her lips parted revealing her fangs

What makes you think this isnt hell already

Her lips curled around his exposed neck but stopped midway as her body shook ever so slightly as if there was a break sputtering towards a stop

H..haha...still trying to fight are you shinoa....just stay asleep for a while longer....it'll all be over soon

Yuu now!! A voice entered yuu's mind as if the words were always there the familiar voice of his demon called out to him they wouldn't receive this chance again and yuu knew it

There was no time for hesitation

No room to falter right now everything had been entrusted to him guren his freinds his family everyone was counting on him the entire world but most importantly shinoa was counting on him and he knew this as his blade peirced her heart before shi could regain control of the body he so longed for the perfect vessel as he would always call it

Gh! H-how dare you..! The angelic figure sputtered and coughed blood doing his best to pull away but yuu wouldnt let him get away they both began to fall together towards the fall however this was of no concern to yuichiro as he closed his eyes and took another deep breath within himself

The wind blew through his hair and the sweet scent of roses tickled his nostrils as he opened his eyes he no longer found himself within the world only humans new the plane of existence we could all see and feel now he was within her heart asuramaru had been right this was the only way to enter her heart the sensation falling did not leave him as he looked around the white cloudy noise that seemed to perfiate all around him he was now within the demons heart and his destination where the iron doors leading to the heart of another the source of the sickly sweet smell of petals dancing in the wind his wounds had healed and he felt as if there was nothing that could stop him however he knew this to be far from the truth

Youll only have a few minutes before the angel takes over yuu...and once you give me to shinoa

Ill be gone....right we already know the plan....lets just hope i can do this....

We will....

Right......yuu's eyes no longer held the depth of despair and emptiness his eyes gleamed with new found determination and purpose everyone was counting on him

She is counting on him his eyes began to turn a shade of darkness that would swallow the ocean themselves leaving the iris of them stained with honey a sweet flavor perhaps the only sweet thing that could be said about all day since the fight had begun as he passed through the gates that seemed unmovible before his sense of balance began to shift as if the earth within their hearts rotated and started pulling him up rather than gravity pulling him down and there he was the vestige of everything leading up to this moment all the suffering the pain the loss all of it culminated before his eyes the angel seemed to not have noticed but only a naive fool would beleive in those thoughts it was more accurate to say he did not acknowledged his existence as a threat chosing instead to keep his back turned consuming his long awaited prize blood trickling from his fangs as he panted and let go of the milky white skin of shinoa's neck perverted by the crimson wholes that gave evidence of shigama's testiment towards the word vampire

Shinoa was slumped over chained to pillars as if she was long gone but the world around them the deep red rather than the white skys would say other wise his senses were now more in tune due to the curse and the angel that the boy seemed to be comprised of his ears could catch it the faint yet evident beating of her heart so much of it had already been consumed by the demon a tenth maby even less had remained of the girl and this infuriated him to no end his teeth grinded his fists clenched as he stared down the monster before him the fight against time.....the fight to save her heart her very existence was about to begin and the odds had never been stacked higher against him and he knew this his breath hitched but from what he could not descern from fear? Fear of what? Fear of death? He had died before multiple times in fact no he did not fear death....there was only one word that could describe this feeling

Anger

Pure unfiltered rage thats all that clouded his mind the images playing freshly within his mind of shigamas pale lips against her neck the deep gnashes within his friends his father were they dead? He couldn't think of such things right now

He needed to focus

Thats right yuu focus your attention here...right now for this will be....your final death......the beautifull angel turned to look towards his creation

I will be God by the end of this ba-

He could not finish the words before yuu charged him focusing everything he had towards his speed pushing him farther and farther towards the open gates he had tried so long to open yet could never so much as budge them he was surely suprised by this development as he flapped his wings open hoping to stop the momentum of yuu's wings and physical strength that focused on the point of his neck it was obvious what his goal was remove him.from the heart of his beloved

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The room filled with his anger his rage but it would not be enough as his heels began to screetch against the walls that were stained red signifying shinoa's humanity

ASURA-KANNON: THOUSAND BLADES

Yuu yelled at the top of his lungs with such force the taste of copper began to fill his mouth again

Thousands of blades appeared from nowhere and everywhere all of them fixed on a single point aimed and poised towards one objective

FORCE HIM OUT

Yuu yelled once again as the blades all flew towards the pair that seemed to slow in their stop every milla second that passed

Youre desperate.... He said calmly as the blades began hurdling towards him causing smoak to rise with each blade hitting him causing his body to take another screetching inch backwards towards the door

He was right yuu knew this all too well this wasnt a sign of strength being able to push shigama doji back this was an act of desperation forcing every muscle strand to strain and pop all in the vain effort to force him out as fast as he could before his body would give out

Klank the final blade hit the floor with the sound that seemed to echo once again deepening yuu's despair he gasped looking up as shigama slapped him across the face sending him huddling towards the spot where this all began rolling through the floor he gasped coming out of the ground panting the dust just begginging to settle

Fuck....

Mmm smart....but that was all instinct wasnt it yuichiro

Had you not blocked that attack when you had

The dust revealed yuichiro's mangled arm that seemed to be a simple cracker after dropping it from the empire state while the other was completely grinded to dust

Youd have lost your head.....

It was a good attempt dont get me wrong...futile as it may have been

Yuu began to wobble back to his feet the blade of salt begginging to form within his palm

Oh please...shigama crossed the distance between the both of them within the flash of a second split by the same blade that so desperately tried to sever his head and push him back a second ago

The explosion of the impact destroyed the pillars holding shinoa down crushing her body underneath the same pillars and sent yuichiros blade flying through the air slicing it and landing near her viscinity

Atop him was the angel that seemed to toy with him yuu's hands seemed to bearly hold hi head away from him

N-nghh!! His grunts where loud and strained he gasped as shi's needle like fangs punctured his neck like wet paper he gasped in pain and tugged at the hair of the beast his body began to go limp as he looked towards shinoa for what felt like would be the last time....how many times has he failed her in such a way..

Shi...shinoa..!....please..!

His hand outstretched towards the rubble and his blade

Shinoa...please was all that she could hear where was she was this a dream it sure felt like one weightless and without strength as if no matter how hard her fists would move itd feel as if something held her force back within a dream but she willed every finger every fiber of her being to reach towards the emerald blade so close to her if only she could reach out for it

Yuu's vision began to fade towards black perhaps this was finally the time to resign there would be no happy ending no hero saving the day after all he aways wasn't much of a hero the real hero to him had always been

Her

His eyes shot up as wide as they could possibly go to see the strands of lilac push against the winds of fate as his head rung from the blow and her battle cry she was doing it she peirced the blade through the monsters shoulder and pushed him towards his destination

HRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

She yelled at the top of her lungs pushing and pushing once again shigama flapped his majestic wings but this time in desperation

Shit!! Stop!

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

shi turned his head to witness the monester that yelled that same cry once again the angel he had created charged at the both of them and held tight to the appendages that begged to be let go in order to stop the flow of motion however

HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

They yelled in unison as they both with all their combined might threw the first outside the walls and quickly shut behind them the world no longer red but white they had succeded in the first step to victory the first shook in anger and looked towards his hands that trembled but not shierly of anger nor fear but from weakness having been ripped out of his hosts perfect body essentially split his power by half...the other half found its way towards their true owner as she puffed her chest with her trademark smirk

The balls on our side now...

Grr....dont be so cocky now..ive been in before and ill return once more

The both of them stood up panting staring down their assailent hearts quivering in anticipation at what would be undoubtedly their final confrontation as their eyes glossed over with determination and anger every emotion culminated in thousands of years burned within their eyes as they stood up slowly

I forgot who asked me to write what i would think about would be the ending of owari no seraph and i have to say sorry!! Dyslexia is a bitch!! If you remmember who you are please slap me for forgetting

Anyway to keep my stories fresh ill be posting it in peices

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #yuichiro hyakuya #shinoa hiiragi #shikama doji

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