#but now im like more sure than ever
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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his bisexual wings are so funny to me. Oh Boy. I Wonder. How Will We Ever Know.
#i was looking at his ref and went. Hey Now. I Recognize That Color Pattern#im not sure if it would be funnier if the color scheme is on purpose or if its Not....#but cmonnn. the pinkish-purple. purple. blue. baby bi bi bi~#LATTER MY BELOVED.#HE'S SO. HE'S SO!!!!!#craving more of him#trading in my Barnaby B Beagle certification for a Latter Pillar one-#jesting! no one ranks higher than the not-dog!#however. latter <3 latter <3 latter <3 latter <3#scribble salad#latter pillar#welcome home puppet show#picturing him sadly fluttering away w/ those blocky bi flag wings#i amuse myself!#'youre GAY?!??!?! WHAAAAAT' (hard cut to the most Flagrantly Open Guy Ever staring at the screen like hes on the office)#latter i love you. latter. i love you latter
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forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.
ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol
#it was a weird class#it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow#I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy#and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess?#she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason#standing is a lot more tiring than walking#i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life#did not like the teacher tho#on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies)#which is very nice#but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it#like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now#and also kind of racist#she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person#and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner#im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist#she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist#she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately#like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all#also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once#also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips#she was like a walking russian stereotype lol#anyway heres some ink the artist lore
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not me immediately getting jude from this
who did you guys get? 👀
#idk any of them i just see jude around a lot so it made me chuckle#@/judejazza and their wonderful posts i often run into#victor is apparently my opposite from these options and elbert is my 2nd choice or smth#(friends and i usually do 'quizzes' 3x to get our main/secondary/opposite)#anyway im just snooping around now. still not sure how i feel abt it but was never too tempted for ikevil.#the less gacha in my life atp the better ngl ;;;;;;;; its why ive stayed away from most of the new games and tryna limit current ones#though if they ever do finally drop ikegen (unlikely asf) ..... count my ass in#i can't even be mad ikepri dropped bc ive enjoyed it so much more than i ever thought i would. easily my fav or 2nd fav bc ikerev#i still adore ikerev and magic and the world building and everything.. alice is just pretty dumb sometimes#which is why i adore b&tb-esque belle/emma so much. also why i like mai in some routes (ikesen humor op)#ikevamp has always just kinda been there tbh. usually the events feel more interesting than the routes ngl;;; charas are fun tho#anyway let's see how this bad boy goes#who did y'all get??#ikevil#ikemen villains#my post 📫#aerin.jpg#from the official ig acct btw
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing
#niche comparison but if any of you know angela from lobotomy corporation/library of ruina#in the years prior to LOR angela was probably one of the most demonized characters ive ever seen in my goddamn LIFE#NO ONE was going to bat for this girl as anything other than a absolute villain and bitch#i was and im sure some others were too but the vast vast majority fucking hated her#because she spends most of the game being mean to you and then betrays you at the end#and you had to read between the lines to get to “wait a minute whats happening to her is kinda immensely fucked up”#and this is someone betraying you at the end of a very /very/ hard game to 100% and beat proper#then LOR came out and fully explored the depths of her trauma and anger at the situation she was put into#how desperate she was too take something for herself and how little she cared about how the effected others because she was not given that#and suddenly it clicked for everyone!#suddenly she wasnt a heartless bitch anymore! but of course now you had the#'literal infant' crowd because it also explored some ideas of parental trauma/lack of experience with the world#but god it was way more refreshing to see people actually move on from 'theyre an evil bitch' even if it came with 'so shes like a kid?'#and i feel that way about pebbles tbh#i dont get super super into the iterator lore so i cant speak much for the quality across downpour#and its higher focus on them and their stuff#im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will#but god people sucking at reading the room on the iterators is not new lmao#actually five pebbles and angela are shockingly similar....#huh?
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I need more content of Tim's jealousy when other siblings come in and become close to Dick. Like every time someone says Damian is Dick's favorite it hurts my heart a little cause I know how Tim would feel.
It's one thing for a younger sibling to grow up with you, cause like at least then you all have your defined roles and it's like what you know so you aren't stepping on one another's toes, but like it's something completely else to have a sibling who is already grown up come into the family and become siblings with your sibling.
It is just like that longing feeling when you see them together and like they haven't known each other as long yet they seem closer to your sibling than you are, and everyone knows they are the favorite and you are just like how do they get along so well with so little effort.
I need more Tim and Dick content like this. The boy went from being Dick's only sibling still around (aka no competition for being brothers and nothing to compare it to) to being like 1 of 5 of dick's siblings, and I know this also goes in reverse where the newer sibling is jealous of the older two siblings for already having the established bond, but I dont see enough of Tim having bitter envy of how close Damian and Dick are despite not knowing each other as long, like you want angsty relationships DC, show me this instead of just everyone trying to kill Tim, show me silent envy that grows more and more as it slowly decays a sibling relationship instead of like a weird ritual where if you wanna be apart of the family you have to attempt to kill tim
#sometimes i just need angsty tim#not tim getting targeted by siblings or tim getting annoyed at siblings#just Tim who finally became brothers with his idol and hero and formed a relationship with having to watch as it goes from their small#contained group of dick tim Bruce and babs where tim is like the best brother dick has got to everyone especially damian coming in#and tim feeling crowded out and jealous as damian and dick become closer than tim and dick ever were and tim slowly pulls away#and at first dick not even noticing and tim feeling guilty every time a dispute comes up and feeling guilty over how happy he feels when#damian ticks dick off and tim starts throwing himself into other things and flakes/cancels on things he and dick have planned and#finally one time tim and dick are sitting around and tim is like i miss how close we were and dick laughing is like well you're so busy now#and tim is like 'well its not like you need me anyway you have damian and jason and cass and duke and- nevermind' tim cuts himself off#dick is like 'timmy you know im still here for you just like before' and tim is just like 'yeah sure whatever' and heads out and then dick#starts noticing that tim is keeping him at arms length so he keeps trying to connect and he sees how tim keeps getting close with others#but that he refuses to with dick and then the jealousy is both ways and slowly they start to come together again as brothers and things#arent quite the same and probably will never be but they are still brothers and they love each other#but things are complicated when you go from the only sibling to having like 5 siblings and i want that explored more#i want these complex sibling relationships dc. give me this over trying to kill tim. there is more to siblings than the cain instinct.#anyway thats my rant#tim drake#dick grayson#batkids#batfam#bat family#batsiblings
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you can't reclaim a word that's never been used against you
#if you've never been called fat before please dont use that word#as someone who has been called fat a lot in my life in very painful ways... y'all dont get it#and i dont want people within a hundred feet of a word they dont understand the connotation/power of#im really just sad and tired of seeing non-fat people call ashton fat. because it just Keeps happening a *lot* and i just like#cannot stomach it at this point. i mean i literally see it FREQUENTLY and now ive just seen some stuff about it on my dash tonight and like#it brings me to tears literally every single time i see it. and i *never* see fat people call ashton fat ever. it is *only* non-fat people#and it's because they just simply do not understand how that word feels. and i shouldn't necessarily fault people for it BC they dont get i#but people writing feeder fics about him?? and going out of their way to describe his body in a way they never would a thin person's...#and more than that. like. he's not *fat*???? that's just not the right word. sure he HAS fat. everyone does#but calling him fat pointblank is just like... i do not see the benefit in it. he's Big. he's Muscular. but he's not *fat*#and it makes me think that you dont know any fat people. when that word has only ever been used in a derogatory manner by the majority#i mean that is NOT a neutral word. at this point in history. and if you have never experienced the harm that it can bring i just#i mean i dont know why you *want* to be using it#so yeah uh saying my bit on that bc y'all know me#im a little blabber box chatter mouth#and it's just something that i see a lot of especially on ao3 and one of the primary reasons actually that#i dont really read new fics by authors i dont know#because the way people treat ashton's body is very different than how they treat others'#and it's usually not fat people creating that content SO!#please uh consider maybe the words you're using... and how they could affect others!#ok i have a lot of homework to do tonight so im gonna. hunker down and do that#and feel Not Good about my body because if you think *ashton irwin* is *fat* then#i dont really want to know what you think about an actual fat person
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.......is anyone else noticing a huge uptick in anti-transmasc bigotry lately or is it just me 🧍
#i think republicans learned that trans men exist like two days ago and that's what causing it#because holy moly. the fearmongering about T is rampant rn#and it's coming from cis men!!!!!#ppl are sharing photos of pregnant transmasc ppl and misgendering them and saying their babies will be 'fucked up'#there's more and more focus on our uteruses than ever before#im seeing ppl say 'trans men need to weaponize their masculinity more for the betterment of the lgbt community 🙄'#and normally yeah sure. people listen to men more but now is not the time to like. push for us to do that#LAPD recently beat a trans man and threw him into a womens jail#ive seen more and more stories of transmasc ppl getting beat and assualted and killed lately#like... i dont want to get into trans in-fighting over stuff so this isnt rebloggable#but like. it's not just me right? like there is. Genuinely. more of this lately right?
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☁️🌷
#ugh im so anxious and like i think i have more pains bc of it#i overslept bc ever since i got a new phone my alarm is so quiet i never wake up?? this is the third time this happens for this class#but i cant miss more bc if i have more than three weeks absence they'll fail me :< so i hurried and walked to school#i wish i had a bus pass T-T since they introduced civilian clothed controllants i havent dared taking the bus at all i dont wanna get a fine#so yes anyway. on top of that im pretty sure my sister stole my keys. bc they were in my jacket pocket yesterday and today they werent there#and she left somewhere earlier this morning. so now im anxious abt not knowing where they are + will i get inside?? my mom wakes up late af#ummm what else???? idk im just so stressed. i got to class and have been here for 40min now and the teacher left for lunch#i'll leave now bc i cant focus enough to sit here more. my tooth aches too :((#i just wanna cry tbh#the entire way here i was like i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die#i feel so awful.. and stupd and worthless. why am i incapable of getting a job? or even studying at university? im so bad at everything#im like an anxious wreck who can barely function. everything hurts both physically and emotionally#i dont even wanna walk home im just sitting in my empty classroom bc i dont wanna kove#move*#what's wrong with me? how did i turn into this? i miss school. like i miss being able to actually do my work and talk to the teachers etc#im only a shell of what i used to be. and im scared i'll never be anything other than this :((((#well i gotta move ig bc the sooner i do the sooner i can get home and lie in my bed & cry over how useless i am :3
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not a great start when the tiddy strap is a more cohesive design decision ngl
yeah lmao. i think the biggest problem with netflix dante's design is the fact that they tried to mix EVERY dante design into one... that's why I keep saying his design is a mess
#like its. sure he looks okay but the more i look at him the more my head hurts his design is so confusing#i think they can make it work but what they have right now isnt working that well lmaooo#its not the worst design ever i suppose... i just think he could be designed better thats all#im more upset about how his face looks more than his outfit if im being honest#ask#allyanswers#anonymous
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new oc batch ready! 8 more of these guys lol. the whole deal with this set is they’re from the artisan guild- lunar flair! intentionally spelled like “flair” as in “style” or “a flare for ____” rather than “flare”
basically all the members of the guild are different kinds of artists with different niches (and varying degrees of diva-ness). it’s pretty easy to tell who does what based on the everything about them, but if you want more info their bios are still under the cut!
Name: Jupiter
Name Origin: The planet of course
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Lightning rods
Ethos (Power): Gigantomachy. He can make himself (even more) giant
Flaw power is based on: His overly protective nature, especially where the guild is concerned.
Notes: Literally the nicest guy ever until you provoke him though
Name: Erinome (Erin)
Name Origin: A moon of jupiter, the exact meaning of it’s name is murky but it can refer to grace or purity
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 13
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: A Book.
Ethos (Power): Poetic Imagery. Illusions cast forth by his her poems that change the appearance of the physical environment
Flaw power is based on: Her escapist indulgence in fantasy
Notes: You know, like, the pen is mightier than the sword and all that.
Name: Pictor
Name Origin: The constellation meaning “painter”
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 23
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Giant paintbrush
Ethos (Power): Ardor. He can create three-dimensional things with his paintbrush. However they are not animate or alive.
Flaw power is based on: His conceited nature in regards to his own work.
Notes: Goes to museums to talk about how he could probably do it better anyway
Name: Oberon
Name Origin: A moon of the planet Uranus, it gets it’s name from the king of the fairies in Renaissance literature. Notably in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night's Dream
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 29
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Rapier
Ethos (Power): Fantasia. An illusion of changing his own appearance.
Flaw power is based on: His theatrical nature, of course
Notes: Why is he ourple?
Name: Syrma
Name Origin: A star in virgo, it’s name refers to the train of a garment (Typically worn by actors in tragedies)
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 25
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Giant needle
Ethos (Power): Binding threads. She can create stitches on any solid objects and bind them to each other. Including people- The stitches are manifested energy and do not hurt.
Flaw power is based on: The dependency she often has on bonds- i.e. threads that bind people.
Notes: She makes and models all her own clothes.
Name: Parumleo
Name Origin: A star in Pisces, it’s name means “small lion”
Pronouns: They/he
Age: 19
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Microphone bardiche
Ethos (Power): Persuasion. If they can make you laugh you’ll temporarily have to follow his orders. Though it’s too weak to call full-blown mind control, and fairly easy to snap out of.
Flaw power is based on: His desire to be liked by others.
Notes: They’re like a lolcat. They can haz cheezburger.
Name: Leda
Name Origin: A moon of jupiter, the name means swan.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 28
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Duel ribbons
Ethos (Power): Poise. Complete and utter weightlessness.
Flaw power is based on: Her carefree and utterly absent-minded nature.
Notes: You guys know swan lake right? Well, there ya go.
Name: Styx
Name Origin: A moon of pluto that gets it’s name from the river of the underworld. Yeah it’s also a rock band.
Pronouns: She/they
Age: 20
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Axe-guitar.
Ethos (Power): Vibrato. Powerful soundwaves cast by her axe-guitar
Flaw power is based on: Her brash and blasé attitude
Notes: Calls everyone “baby” or “babe” because they’re a cool rockstar.
#finn's ocs#oc references#finn's art#YAY i finally get to post my funny little artist guys#i feel like its fairly obvious what each persons gimmick is but just for the sake of brevity (for anyone who doesnt wanna read the readmore)#in order#jupiter doesnt have a Specific art bc hes the guildmaster and you can think of him as more of a teacher of sorts#erin is a poet/writer. pictor is obvs a painter. oberon is a thespian. syrma is a seamstress#parumleo is a comedian. leda is a ballerina. and styx is a musician (or straight up rockstar)#since these characters are all like.. trinary characters they dont go all Too much deeper than their gimmicks#but thats why theyre fun to design bc its like. what if [thing] was a guy LOL#also i wanted to try some new stuff out w their designs (like syrmas dimples for example) so i hope they look okay? i hope so...#also leda and how shes literally the least clothed character ive ever made. shes going to catch a cold for sure yeah#parumleo i worry about bc i had a fairly similar color pallet for asterope (but no red) so i hope he still stands out. the lolcat....#oh also if erin and oberon's powers sound similar that's on purpose too. shes like his protege#i feel like out of all of them though pictor is like the prime example of guy who should be in an artist guild LOL#like the most archetypal. most ppl think of painters when they think of artists#but i wanted different types in there too.#painters writers actors even funnymen and rockstars. they all belong. theyre all weird about creating#anyway im glad i can finally post them now ^_^
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Sméagol and the Gift
'Now!' said Sam. 'At last I can deal with you!' He leaped forward with drawn blade ready for battle. But Gollum did not spring. He fell flat upon the ground and whimpered.
'Don't kill us,' he wept. 'Don't hurt us with nassty cruel steel! Let us live, yes, live just a little longer. Lost lost! We're lost. And when Precious goes we'll die, yes, die into the dust.'
Devastated by this. Just a little longer, he begs. Even though his existence is a torment. Even though the will that holds him to life is barely his own anymore. He has long outlived his time but it's such a cruelty that now the only freedom for him is in death. I'm glad Sam didn't kill him but the whole scenario is awful.
When a mortal keeps a ring of power he does not gain more life, he continues, denied natural mortality as the fear of death is amplified and twisted into fear of separation, nothing matters anymore but the keeping, the continuing. In that miserable existence there is no peace, and at its end there is no graceful goodbye to life, there is only dust. Sudden, empty, and final.
It would take murder to spare him that. Or falling with the ring into the fire.
Bilbo let it go in time (did he feel anything when it was destroyed?) Frodo is freed of it now, though the toll it extracted for the separation was at very least a finger. It was too late for Gollum for the price to be anything other than it was, and that's brutal.
If you live long enough, death is no longer the enemy. What Sauron did to Gollum ensured that it would always be the enemy, to be feared and avoided for ever, once time and the ring had fashioned it into the only escape left. Evil.
#lotr newsletter#suicide mention in tags#haunted by the au in which gollum goes into the fire with the ring On Purpose#bc he still couldnt separate himself from it but frodo's compassion had somewhat released him from its evil#in a way an honor to frodo's quest and in a way an act of mercy to be able to give up the self-torment#which gives me shrimp feelings bc of the everything but also back to the original point that it is so tragic that death is all that awaits#bc death is natural and that was taken from him. what is the will to live in the absence of natural death?#smth deeply horrible about that#matt bugg screaming we'll be dust. so famous and rent free#lotrn325#damn it im having more thoughts#wraiths vs gollum: discuss#the nature of the ring kept affects the nature of its possession no? those rings were made FOR thralldom#sauron has power over gollum but not That Much and his own ring is all abt the domination#what would a 2000 year old gollum even be like ._.#the wraiths are probably even more tragic bc at this point they're like...undead. even death isn't freedom#on that topic what happened to the witch-king's spirit fr#I'm pretty sure he isn't ever actually called that in the book but it's epic and gender and way snappier than lord of the nazgul#anyway shoutout to i think yambits for breaking the lore and giving them peace that was sick#where's my gollum rehab fic#i know he's a horrible little man who is constantly trying to murder my boys but i love him so#the au...gollum gaining the willpower to destroy himself because he was given trust and kindness and companionship for once. FUCKED UP.#fucked up horrible i need a minute. being shown compassion and then becoming more self-compassionate. epic#that compassion entailing seeking the freedom of death your soul was denied bc this is fantasy and somehow the exact#arc that usually leads to fighting to live is now flipped. HUH.#yeah jirt alluded to his motivation being For Frodo but i maintain that the willingness to die is HUGE there and extremely relevant#me and my red string keeping me company#ugh tag championships i win i think but at what cost#who wants to spin around miserably in a pool like franknfurter with me as we listen to gollum's song#tam you're already invited i have a floaty for u
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I am so close to making a Hazbin AU where Angel is Niffty's dad because making this post and THIS vvvv
Fucking image made the idea go from "huh, funny coincidence" to full on brainrot.
#Angel is Niffty's dad now#im sorry for already going off the deep end#but its happened#I know it has zero canonical backing besides the speculated birth/death dates of these two#but it would be cute#and kinda sad#but cute!#Angel Husk Niffty and fat nuggets forming a little family unit#eventually getting redeemed and getting to meet aunt Molly#for angst you could have Alastor using this to manipulate Angel similarly to how he fucked with Lucifer#except Alastor actually has been more present for Niffty than Angel#and the fucked up extra edge of him owning Niffty's soul#not to mention that Angel 100% has no fucking clue he ever had a kid#like he's gay#and died in the 1940's#sure he's slept with women a few times for various reasons#but that was rare since again he's got no interest in women#so the chance of him having an illegitimate child was never even a thought#besides sex education in the '30's and '40's wasn’t exactly stellar#finding out he's a dad would be a complete shock and probably cause him a whole breakdown#meanwhile Niffty would either not care or just be excited to finally meet her dad#hazbin angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin niffty#niffty hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel niffty
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i also have been testing pngtuber+ vs veadotubemini and heres rhe fruit of a 49 layer model
#not all the emotes are shown in this lil demo theres one i keep forgetting where it is lmao#return of the coke heartthrob#i like that i made a pngtuber despite the fact that i am extremelt averse to being percieved in video formats. i used to stream more#n would do drawing streams specifically while working on projects but. ive been outta the game so long im not. too sure how i feel about#like. going back#i also did yt for like. 2 videos during lockdown to try and chronicle that whole art school mess and ended up exploding#this boy is not made for audio/video formats 💔#this is actually to test run how efficient i could be if i were to make pngtuber a commission option when i open those#this took 5 hours and all his psrts including clothing are separate and he has skin under there (i dont save the images like thst tho)#so i can swap out outfits n stuff n not have over 49 moving parts#the ONE issue with this lineless style though. is recoloring parts#i tried to do recolored mouths for s paragon model and it was a pain so i didnt rlly finish or save it.#i think i still prefer veadotubemini tbh. the blinks feel more natural in it than in pngtuber+#but i rlly like the bounce that pngtuber+ provides for just Talking#so. hit or miss#and before anyone asks no i will not be learning live2d vtubing and will not make a 3d vtuber#all of that is just too scary for me i respect everyone i see who does it WAY more now that ive like. LOOKED it over#scary shit. leaving that to the professionals#my 3d model is strictly for fun and because i like vr and vrchat. but i do not think ill ever make a vtuber in 3d.
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feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.
#more specific blatherings in the tags so im gonna get them below the read more in case anyone doesn't want to read it#tw sh#because yes this is about the last few days and im gonna add a few more words to get the rest below the read more#the fact that while they aren't as deep as i've ever gone before they are unquestionably in volume far exceeding any#before. not that i count at the time or anything but there are at least sixty new cuts from the last week so no wonder it's painful#but yeah it's just. an interesting emotional feeling once the pressure that triggered them is gone#i don't know i don't understand myself really#glad i have a psych appointment monday really#if i didn't have one booked i'd probably be booking one about now#also bothered by how visible the ones on my wrist are going to be.#hopefully the redness will go away soon bc i don't think they're quite healed yet#teatree oil is helping tho so hopefully they won't be TOO obvious#the location means that yeah they will be visible but hopefully not too too much#and after all i have only for-sure hit the fat layer twice. maybe a few other times. there are a couple taking ages to heal atm#so they might've idk. and i haven't gone any deeper than that#honestly with the wrist ones the fact is that it was blunt and i couldn't#sharpen it at hte time. perhaps tmi but yeah this may have saved my life and or my hand function#but i might be overstating it. anyway apparently that was three weeks and one day ago?? wow#guys that entire day i was convinced i wasn't going to live to see the morning. the WHOLE DAY#i literally have a commie newspaper on my desk currently because they tried selling it at uni and i was so existential i was just like.#'what is life. what is money. who cares' and bought it. see this is the funny story i referred to. i can elaborate#personal#puddleglum hours#tw suicide
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