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#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??
illogicalghost · 2 months
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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7roaches · 6 months
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sorry that took like an hour i stopped to eat dinner heres my idea
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2dieavirgin · 11 months
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okay please hello i haven't seen anyone talk about this article which is so funny and my favorite thing ever ermm happy pride month i guess
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catboyfurina · 6 months
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Idk what precisely to call it since honorifics aren't Pronouns but vertin using she/her while routinely being addressed as Lord, sir, etc is soooooooo 🥰 it's like mixed pronouns but not.
#beeep#i love reverse 1999#like shes not a he him lesbian but like yknow !!!#theres not a quick and easy shortcut for it but shes definitely sapphic and im leaning more lesbian hc than bi tbh !!!!#(which btw bi women can also be gnc and use he him in a wlw way)#(i just think vertin lesbian)#(but i KNOW shes sapphic)#AND HOW SHES USUALLY a my lord SPECIFICALLY when addressed by the girl so down bad for her???? gay as fuck#<- this isnt spoilers bc all the women wont her#well okay thats not precisely true. but a great deal of them do#anyway. i just hope that it isnt a translation error bc goes crazy ahhhh#shes a gentleman.....#and also i think vertin needs to meet a guy who isnt evil bc (possibly nb) lesbian and trans guy bestie duo is one of my favorite tropes#but so far she only interacts with evil people and or girls that wont her 😔😔😔#which is so valid but also 😔😔😔 vertin u need platonic friends too. friends that arent desperately hoping you will push them out of danger#and land on top of them and gaze into their eyes#(or just hoping to make out)#(there are both types of wonts her in this game)#(along with a secret third kind)#anyway#rhvjvdjgdjvbjdbkrbkdjb vertin#i have to. be a person. i have to be a person but instead my brain is just full of WOW GAME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway vertin has like. fancy oldtimey gentleman gnc going on#not so gnc by modern standards that it would make Certain People mad but enough that it is making Me very happy#and i just !!!!! cannot get over how genius it is to combine sheher pronouns with traditionally masculine terms of address!!!!!!!#shes so gender. not my gender but she has so much gender#i love vertin and i love regulus and i love druvis and i love the fool and i love tooth fairy who isnt out yet but i saw her in that one vid#eo#i was expecting to play this so casually like stick it on my phone and then i can do it while waiting for class when im there a few minutes#early but i do Not feel casual about this at all!!!!!!!!!!!! <- i think i got hyperfixated lads
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designernishiki · 1 year
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i rarely see people talking about the trans girl substory in y3 and like. yakuza may have its issues with iffy representation here and there but I’ll give them credit for that one, it was simple but it was sweet and kiryu was very in character. my only question is: where the hell did kiryu learn the word transgender
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x-v4mp3y3lin3r-x · 11 months
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if you're deconstructing your ideas of binary gender and binary sex— you also have to deconstruct your ideas of binary sexuality and romantic attraction, too, fyi
#'are you saying homosexuals don't really exist??!?!!?!' no. please use your brain.#im saying it literally doesn't matter if a lesbian dates someone who YOU perceive as a man.#because the people in that relationship know more than you.#and human experience does not exist in a binary.#you have to accept that sometimes other people will experience life differently than you do#this also goes for gays and bis and pans and aces and aros.#the only people who get to define their experiences are them.#so no I don't really care if a gay man says his true love is a woman and he means it.#i still consider him gay. because he knows himself and his partner better than i know how to perceive them both#and how someone else identifies is none of my business.#that woman may be only part woman. or only perceived as a woman. or only sometimes a woman. or always both woman and man.#there's so many ways to be human. you have to learn to take other queers at face value and not question them#when you question if someone is 'REALLY gay' or 'REALLY trans' or 'REALLY bi'; you're thinking with the mindset of an oppressor#you do not need to gatekeep queerness. queerness is not a limited resource. queer people are not your enemies.#learn to empathize and embrace experiences unlike yours. be a better ally to the people in your own community instead of immediately -#- searching for ways to cast them out. be better. stop thinking like our oppressors. queer people do not need to rationalize ourselves for -#- anyone. they don't owe you an explanation. you cannot take their 'gay card' away.
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italictext · 10 days
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Hurray!! My sister came out to my mum as bi/pan and told ma she had a girlfriend and it went well! She's not 100% supportive but we'll get there
#My mom actually found out about her girlfriend back in February but didn't tell anyone she knew#And although she knew she still allowed my sister and her “bestie” to hang out and even let my sister's gf sleep in our house lol#Our aunt also knows and she's supportive (which is not surprising because my aunt is a lesbian lol)#Dad doesn't know yet and my sister is not ready to tell him because he's more homophobic than ma#He'll probably be unsupportive in the beginning but will be accepting eventually because his sister is literally a lesbian lmao#And although she's a lesbian dad still loves her because they're siblings and mom and dad even bought my aunt's gf/wife a rainbow cake lol#But they did hide that my aunt and her “best friend” were actually gay from us during our childhood because#“ohh kids won't understand and being gay is inappropriate for kids and we don't want them to turn gay”#So like. Not 100% supportive but at least it's not “GAYS ARE EVIL IM DISOWNING YOU FROM OUR FAMILY NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!!!”#Oh right and my mom is bi and she told us it's okay and normal to like the same gender as long as you don't act on it#And talked about having a crush on a girl when she was younger but never doing anything about it because she knows it's a sin#I think my parents are more transphobic than homophobic tbh#I have a trans relative and they interact with her and talk to her but they always misgender her#I don't think I'm going to come out as trans anytime soon#There was this one time they were mocking nonbinary people and they/them pronouns and ouch lol#But yayyy I'm happy for my sister!!
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aria0fgold · 2 months
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I think the thing bout me and my own OCs is that I'm like, a stranger to em with my own preconceived perception on how they are but the longer I spend time with em, they turn out completely different so even if I'm the creator, I can't even tell if my ideas are final until I look at it again and the OC in question just goes: I would not say that.
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kalakilo · 2 months
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most cis people, no matter how open-minded they are about people who are genderqueer, don't actually understand gender diversity and are very close-minded when it comes to gender even if they themselves are queer in this essay i will
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azemessence · 4 months
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this just in: cishet guys don't believe you when you say some gay people like tits.
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getreadytosmash · 4 months
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Sometimes there's just lids on things u don't wanna open
#the queen of smash (mun)#idk its dumb and stupid but ever since i've been playing more visual dating sims#i just get these days where i feel like....nothing????#like. not a girl just a body this compile of personhood#and like idk maybe its cause visual sims lets you have so much cleaner interaction with selfhood and gender#compared to irl where i live in a country where HRT is smth thats difficult to comeby so overall ALL of it feels messy#demigirl works out fine enough for me but idk i just. somedays i feel LESS like a girl and more. nothing#i dont fully like it because it just feels like im faking it?? jumping on a bandwagon???#almost half of the friends i've made or have on tumblr pretty much went down a pipeline of afab to they/them to he/him or he/they#with more masc learning and terms#and idk if i'd go THAT far??? I don't mind being called he/him but it's not my full go to i don't think???#but idk it feels. selfish. like im pretending. idk if i like the idea of being they/them ALL the time i like she/her enough#im just. (huffsssss) my parents have always been open that they expected me to become a dyke lesbian or trans because i was a big tomboy#so maybe a part of me feels like i'm playing into these expectations and i feel so sick at the idea. even tho ANYthing of my pronouns.#would stay online#idk idk i guess after being always she/her i'm...vaguely curious to see how i feel with they/them but again. pretender stuff.#maybe i don't feel it properly like everyone else does#im just this sack of flesh filled with nothing good but what others have#i don't FEEL enby enough to be one#but idk if demigirl fully suits me AS much now#oughhhhhhhhhhhhh
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altruistic-meme · 6 months
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i continue to be so pleased when people clock me like yes i AM a weird little lesbian thank you for noticing <3
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7roaches · 7 months
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perfectly normal simom posting
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20cm · 1 year
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ok taking a very deep breath 🫶 i will be ok
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obitv · 1 year
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wednesday sucks actually because they put her in a fucking love triangle instead of just letting her chill. like please can we Not have that it adds fucking nothing to the plot
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years
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i think it's so so so funny that my main transmasc hc character literally Is The Way He Is bc he's amab. like hiei's one of approx 3 characters ever whose asab is actually relevant and having it otherwise is impossible in the text. ridiculous.
is what i thought, but it's actually wayy way more complicated than i previously gave it credit for!! plus there's a LOT more queercoding than i first thought. lemme explain:
[tw: eugenics, fascism, queerphobia, self harm, suicide mentions]
[yu yu hakusho spoilers/meant for ppl who've seen yyh but probably understandable to ppl who haven't]
[ft too many uses of the word queercoded and my mushy feelings about hiei's arc and the queer experience]
hiei is literally thrown out of his home as a baby for being born male and that's just INCREDIBLY queercoded on its own, but specifically a lot of this is presented with the fact that he's a fire demon. this could just be a trait he got from his father, or it could be tied to the ice maiden species. i think it's a stretch to say gender/sex present the same across all demonkind, much less that it resembles our own. frankly, binary sexual classification doesn't really work for a lot of species (and it really doesn't work for humans anyway, because intersex people exist). his maleness is associated with it, and this creates a potential sexual dichotomy that, in this species, females present with ice powers and males present with fire powers. (i understand this has a very goofy "girls are cats boy are dogs" energy to it but let's roll with it for now). so hiei could have been born with what humans would consider female sex characteristics, but the ice maidens would look at him and go "oh he's on fire get this little man outta here". (this could also be where the idea that he'll destroy them comes from, if all males are, y'know, melty).
some of my initial thought process on this came about because i figured "oh if they reproduce asexually they've probably got all xx chromosomes, and that's how they only have xy kids when the parent has sex with someone outside the village", but even if that's the case (assuming chromosomes work the same for demons), there's still a ~50/50 chance hiei ended up with xx chromosomes anyway. perhaps fire is considered the primary sex characteristic that determines one's asab in the same way genitalia is for humans. so, to a human audience, we'd see his traits and go "oh he's trans", which i think counts for biological coding.
the ice maiden society is also incredibly restrictive in terms of gender and sexuality. they consist entirely of (ambiguously determined, as discussed above) women who reproduce asexually. one is not allowed to leave the bounds of this society, nor perform sexual taboos, such as sleeping with outsiders. hiei was only born because hina acted outside of the strict sexual norms of this society. people's queerness is sometimes chocked up to "poor parenting" (often based in sexual/gender/religious/otherwise traditional nonconformity) of parents. and even though hina loved her son and didn't want to see him, y'know, thrown off a floating island, the society as a whole still deemed him an outsider and a problem to be eliminated and left him for dead for the greater purity/"protection" of the culture. it's serving fascist eugenics tbh. (and hiei doesn't destroy their culture like they and he had expected, subverting their expectations of him and his "kind", though the idea that that subversion matters more than preventing further harm is one I'd disagree with. the choice to cut them out of his life entirely to me is somewhat more justifiable to me given a familial view over a community/cultural one, but i digress). regardless, this is reminiscent of societal marginalization in general, but especially categories that can show up in isolation in families (i.e. queerness, neurodivergency, disability, etc) in a way that other things (i.e. race, religious affiliation, etc) generally don't, and can thus be painted as rooting out abnormalities or defects in individual, bloodless, mundane cases (as opposed to the broader elimination that we associate with genocide)
there's also yukina, who left to find hiei, and who hates the ice maidens (presumably at least partially because she knows what happened to him). think of this as them trying to find each other after familial fallout.
this is all to say that if we view maleness/fire demonness as an equivalent to genderqueerness in the ice maiden society, hiei's story maps onto queer experiences incredibly well. so he's got that cultural/queer experience coding too.
we also see hiei topless all the time (he's actually incapable of keeping his chest covered. when he doesn't take it off it burns off or whatever like he can't fight covered up. can't even make it through the intro with it covered. whore behavior <3). "but he's got male presenting pecs, so he's amab," you might say. but he is (key to his character and returning home) well acquainted with a plastic surgeon. he literally has a body modification done as part of his backstory (specifically one he had to tell this story to to receive treatment!!!). transcoded asf. and frankly him being topless all the time is very reminiscent of lots of transmasc ppl who've just gotten top surgery. like they paid too much not to show it off. (this was actually the first thing that made me go "omg,, he's trans lmao. that surgeon guy totally gave him a 2 for 1 deal" and then it just. kept piling up. he's also quite short (4'10") and has a relatively high voice (definitely masc, but in a very in-the-throat way that a lot of afab ppl use), but neither of those are that compelling).
he also has a somewhat more flexible view of his body than the others, getting drastic invasive surgery, beating his arm when it disobeyed him(????? ok babe), and willingly sacrificing parts of it to learn fighting techniques (specifically a fire technique, so more gender stuff). this could be tied to genderqueer people's greater willingness/need to change their bodies, or potentially harmful practices (such as improper binding) to alleviate dysphoria.
queerness is featured a few times in the series and implied in others. we encounter a canon transfem demon named miyuki during the yukina rescue arc. karasu and itsuki are both distinctly mlm demons. hiei even acknowledges this in the eng dub, calling itsuki "lover boy" when he's doing his whole "omg sensui,, i want him to be evil so bad he's so hot" speech. the derision in this case seems to come more from hiei's dislike of him/the situation than disgust at itsuki's queerness (or else he could have just called him disgusting or perverse or whatever). kurama also makes a joke near the end of the series implying hiei is interested in him, which hiei refutes by clarifying his intentions, rather than saying smth like "ew nasty I don't swing that way", which is more standard in anime. I'm gonna gesture wildly to mukuro but we'll skip her for now. all this is to say that the only characters we see exhibiting signs of queerness are demons (other than the people we see atsuko hang with for a single shot). this is almost certainly a case of villainous queercoding (a detriment to the series that does rustle my feathers a good bit. the treatment of miyuki in particular makes my blood boil), but we could also read this as demonkind having different understandings of gender and sexuality in general. perhaps the reason we see this queerness in demons is more because the way their bodies work, the ways they present, and the ways they're attracted to others, to us, look queer.
hiei, throughout his backstory, is consistently demonized by the people around him (some of which is deserved bc he keeps killing people, but some isn't, like the thrown-as-an-infant-off-a-cliff thing). and while his arc throughout the show is about him becoming more able to let people into his life, there's always a distance there. he almost always pushes them away. he's always been treated like a monster, so that's all he tries to be, and it's part of his justification for further distance (i.e. using his criminal status as a reason not to "burden" yukina with the knowledge that they're related). for a lot of queer people (especially before the internet and in places without queer spaces like gay bars), you have no way of meeting people you can trust won't hate you for being queer (even queer spaces have transphobes or nb-exclusionists, etc), so you harden yourself and let very few people in. his trauma reads like a lot of queer ones, especially older american ones. this arc culminates with his relationship with mukuro, and his decision to stay with her indefinitely.
firstly, mukuro's referred to as a king and with he/him pronouns by the cast for a while, before it's revealed that she was hiding her true identity as a woman, and the characters' references to her switch to feminine ones. already tripping wires there. and the first time we learn this about her is when mukuro sees hiei's (queercoded) past and goes "you're just like me" and sheds her clothes (mukuro's backstory doesn't feel that queer to me, but she did have to run away from abuse and dehumanization, potentially for her body/the way she was born as well, so it's not insignificant). hiei's unconscious in one of those green anime healing tubes, but their shared nudity (and thus vulnerability) has a very intimate vibe to it. these fundamentally tightly guarded characters are letting each other in a bit in this way, and that backstory/vulnerability being connected with their bodies/genders, especially when you consider all the other queercoding surrounding them, feels very much like queer solidarity. meeting strangers who have been disowned for birth circumstances and immediately sharing your deepest secrets with each other because you feel some deep similarity to them and bonding over that experience (especially when it relates to asab/agab roles) in a way outsiders can't breach is very queer. (note that hiei didn't want mukuro to know his backstory, but was effectively outed, and she came out in kind). and eventually hiei helps her work through that trauma, and she gives him purpose and a home. a found family with a better fit, something more suited to him, than the main cast (as much as I want them to mesh perfectly).
i think part of why hiei is suicidal in the beginning of three kings is because of that distance and isolation. he'd fulfilled his mission of meeting yukina, but resolved not to tell her of their relation. he feels he can't tell her this big secret of his that might change how she views him, or views her home. it's just before the fight where he tries to die that his surgeon's condition that he could never tell her is revealed. the only thing allowing them to meet is keeping that secret, and the bodily change is what causes it. and he says he wouldn't want to tell her anyway. so he has nowhere to go. he doesn't want to destroy humanity anymore (as evidenced by his assistance in the previous arc and destruction of the chapter black tape), he can't get closer to his home or his sister, and there's still that distance between him and everyone else. (in case it needs to be said, all of this is crazy bonkers queercoded). but in the end, after he and mukuro grow together and bond, he tells kurama to tell yukina her brother's dead, to give up hope, to cut himself off permanently. kurama says he won't, because he believes that hiei will return and tell her they're related someday. and hiei begrudgingly agrees. someday he will tell her. when he's ready, and when he feels safe enough to. and from that change in the beginning and end of the arc, we know he's found that safety in mukuro, and may finally begin to really pursue his own happiness and authenticity. because he met someone like him, he now has hope. he can be loved and he can be enough, and he can look forward to it.
so, to sum up, hiei:
1. was disowned as a child for being the wrong/unexpected gender/sex in an incredibly homogenous society (in which it is ambiguous how they classify sex/gender)
2. has a medical and unusually personal history with a magical plastic surgeon and is topless all the time
3. reacts neutrally/without notice to other characters' queerness (when he is rude, it's for other reasons)
4. is a demon, the only group shown to exhibit canon queerness
5. forms a very deep bond with someone over their shared isolating (queercoded) experiences (with persistent body imagery and a social transition on mukuro's part)
basically, he's transcoded <3
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