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michelleelizabethtanner · 1 year

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Will Brio revisit a possible baby in part 2? I know there’s only a a chapter left but it was left open ended in part 1. Just curious where they’re at with that during this point in their relationship:)

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for the ask. I’m always so tickled when someone takes interest in my obsessions. So please accept my gratitude – these asks are so fulfilling to me. ❤️

I will be honest, in my personal opinion as a middle aged woman who empathizes with the experience of many women who’ve had to give up portions of themselves because how deeply rooted a skewed perception of motherhood is in our society, I cannot picture Beth wanting to start all over. It’s all romantic belly bumps and midnight ice cream runs until your insides fall out and you have no support system and get told you don’t need time to heal or be taken care of and “here’s your baby, go stay up 24/7 with it, byeee.” (I could write you an entire essay on US “baby friendly” hospitals and their contribution to the female mortality rate. I have a lot of anger rooted here.)

While I believe Rio would be an involved father, I also believe he sees himself as a provider. (He takes care of his women. Rhea has a fund for herself and their son.) He’s an empathetic person and he understands the experiences of others, but I also think he believes in fairly traditional gender roles, especially for men. He is encouraging of Beth and her talents, but he does see himself as the patriarch of any offspring he has with any woman. I would envision him not wanting to stop his business dealings for long just because Beth needs support at home. She’s prone to Postpartum Depression which, believe me, is no joke. And again, while Rio isn’t Dean, even the best and strongest of relationships have been known to crumble at the stressor of a newborn paired with exhaustion and hormonally impaired brain chemistry.

I also see Rio, in particular, as deeply conscious of the risks of bringing children into the type of lifestyle he and Beth have. In the universe I made for them, they are fortunate enough to split time between their parenting worlds and their business worlds because they have co-parents to rely on. A child they share would not be able to escape their lifestyle and inevitably one of them would have to leave the business world and choose the baby. (And that person would be Beth.) I also view Rio as having a deep internal struggle with who he is as a killer and who his son believes him to be. I think one of Rio’s greatest life’s fears is losing Marcus to the realities of who Rio is. I also think Rio has subtly been preparing Marcus to live without him. I imagine Rio as constantly imparting important life lessons onto his son, like “if we make a mess we clean it up” because Rio doesn’t anticipate having a full lifetime to teach his son, like most parents do. Rio’s type of life is a dangerous one. Death or long-term incarceration are a real possibility. I cannot imagine Rio wanting to recreate that type of stressful dynamic with another child, whom he cannot shield at all from the darkness inside both him and Beth.

Lastly, I cannot at this point take away everything Beth has built. She’s worked so hard to establish herself as a fully rounded human. Adding a fifth child to the mix would debilitate her. Bodies don’t just bounce back and I would not want to make her superhuman and capable of running her business empire, processing the trauma of birth, and caring for a newborn all at once. I want her to keep finding herself because I think she deserves it and I think it’s what she would want after spending her entire life being a mother figure to someone. I want her to have a balance and have everything she’s wanted so she doesn’t have to compromise. Same with Rio – I want him to not be lonely at the top and to enjoy the balance the Rough Night universe has been able to make for them.

BUT! The reason Rough Night left the possibility of anything open for Brio is because I know not everyone shares my vision. And I really wanted to give the readers who invested so much time into consuming my work a path to imagine an outcome that isn’t limited by my personal experiences or opinions. I admit, I can be pretty rigid in my viewpoints. It’s difficult to change perspectives from your personal lived reality. So I don’t think the door is closed to a Brio baby in the Rough Night universe. It just isn’t something I can easily write because of all the reasons mentioned above. I hope that isn’t disappointing and that the universe is still an enjoyable one. I very much appreciate the commitment and support RN has gotten. I value everyone who’s taken the time to love it along with me.

#Rough Night #Crystalline #brio baby thoughts #brio #good girls nbc #beth x rio #ao3 fanfic #fanfic

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nerves-nebula · 1 year

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OKAY HIII I'M BACK AND I BINGED A LOT MORE OF RISE TMNT AND YOOO??? I AM HERE TO GUSH ABOUT IT

SIDE NOTE BEFORE EVERYTHING I SAY THEY WENT SO FUCKIN HARD ON THE ANIMATION OMG IT IS STUNNING AMAZING SUPERB!!! HOW DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD AND AESTHETICS AND ?? I WANT TO CHEW DEVOUR BITE BITE ABSORB IT

(break down and thoughts and everything below.SORRY THAT ITS LONG I AMM. OBSESSED. THIS IS LIKE A WHOLE PAPER ON THEM SORRY BUT NOT FULLY SORRY BUT SORRY)

After the first half of the first season (? i am using a totally definitely legal sight that does each episode as 11 minutes and I'm on what it says is episode 38, if one actual episode is two of those 11 minute ones then I'm guessing I'm around episode 19?)

Maybe earlier than that BUT LIKE AFTER THEY SET UP THE WORLD THEY LIVE IN???? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG HOW DID I NOT WATCH THIS EARLIER??

Raph is so cool Love him, like he's big and spiky and probably the softest in terms of open outwardly affection towards the group (he does the most group hugs I'm pretty sure? if not HEADCANNON that when they were little and any of them had a bad dream Raph got everyone into a little turtle pile and they could hug it out and feel safe)

Leo!!!!! I AM GETTING SOME OF THE GENDER VIBES!! So far his character feels the least dove into? Like Donnie has episodes where his character is a focus and so does Mikey and Raph to an extent but so far Leo feels more like part of a duo rather than fully solidifying his own persona (to me and I'm no where near done the show SO that most likely changes!) BUT ALSO that feels like it adds to his character in terms of I think he's the second oldest?

(I thought Donnie was the second oldest but hmmm if they're more like twins than the rest of the brothers then it kinda feels like they both tried to be the protective second oldest sibling and the second youngest at the same time and rapidly switch between each other, but like clash heads if both try to fill that role at the same time? MIGHT be head canon stuff at this point, but I need to watch more to find out. Leo DEF has something going on, like please Mx. can you reveal your hidden secret self that isn't based entirely on how we see you interact with others? like who do you think you are Leo...)

Mikey! What a fun guy, he's like. The same vibes as that "I'm just a little man, just a little man and it's my birthday. You wouldn't hurt a little birthday boy would you? on his very big special birthday day? I'm such a little guy why hurt me?". Head empty no thoughts, he's got the DVD screen saver (corner bouncer) playing on loop and probs the THX loud effect. I hope he gets more time to shine because he kinda feels like he swaps between being just for comedy and someone that wants to prove themself(which would then help them feel better about themself and improve their own self worth and stuff)

DONNIE!! MY GUY DONNIE!! HOW DID THEY MAKE A CHARACTER SO BITABLE. MY MAN IS AUTISM. HE IS MY AUTISM CREATURE. <- I thought his design was cool at first and then I saw him exist

Donnie is so character though like sorry to the rest of the turtles but Donnie is going to be my new blorbo, new little skrunkle that I'll probably project onto. He has all the issues and none of them. He has that "no one understands how my mind works and I must study other's and the world just to be partially accepted" vibes WHILE ALSO having "the world will adapt to me. If not through understanding, then my force" sorta vibes and ? the range! He's dynamic, he's wild, he probably orders the exact same thing at one specific restaurant if he's ordering for one.

APRIL!! YO SHE IS GREAT! I love how we learn more about her slowly like she's a character living her own life that happens to appear in this show, like I'd fully expect her to have a show on her own and her here is cross overs (compliment). So happy to see where they go next with her, I am like a cheer leader she can do no wrong. She could plan to kill me and I'd give her a thumbs up and say that she should believe in herself and her ability to cultivate her own life. SAD that the people at her school aren't nice, but I feel like that adds to the whole "oh the outsider must be lying about who they are if they act like someone else when not in school/[insert environment] vibes/story lines some things get into. Like we fully understand why she acts like that and get a more objective perspective of everything. She makes me feral in the sense that I want her to have the world (she also reminds me of my younger sister xD)

I also am so thrilled to see that NOT all or most of the main human cast is white. Like that's a huge think that sucks with western animation and honestly the first episode having the white guy be the first experiment and overall kinda dumb was so cathartic. Like yeah, ANYWAYS we don't need to get into my personal issues xD

All of the turtle brothers have obvious/noticeable behaviours impacted/caused/influenced by trauma and GROWLING SHAKING SCREAMING!!!1

Raph being alone omg. Splinter was probably an even worse father then and maybe not even a mutant yet??? And either Raph found the red thing and that's why splinter called him red or splinter grabbed the first thing and just colour coded him. The balll is probably his first friend and the fact that the football is vaguely turtle shell shape is giving me emotions.

Leo I feel like he always needs to prove himself because maybe he didn't have a lot of chances to be alone? He's the second oldest so idk how long there would've been between him and Donnie joining but I fully feel like when Raph realized he had a brother he tagged along with him everywhere and probably tried looking out for him more because he might've been (as a younger child) like "why is he smaller, is he okay? will he get hurt?". Leo my man are you okay you seem like you just compartmentalized everything :(

Mikey I think needed more attention and Splinter did very little so a lot of his earlier development would have been focused on getting all that important attention from his (not by that much) older brothers who ALSO were in that situation. He's got the vibes of someone that in years time (maybe few maybe a LOT of years) he'll be like "heyyy wait a minute do I use humor to cope with everything and heyyy are these things maybe not just fun little quirks?" <- neglected younger sibling vibes where he had to fight for attention where he never had time to ever figure out who he was outside of the four brother unit

DONNIE!! HE HAS SO MANY ISSUES!! Okay but the fact that he's low empathy is NOT one of them I will fight people on that. He is great and pretty relatable as someone who struggles with displaying emotions and voice inflections (I try, but when I first learned to speak I didn't realize you had to move your mouth into shapes a lot (I thought they were exaggerating just so I'd understand) so I'd be like 5 and doing ventriloquism instead of speaking properly.) <- this is one of the things I'm adding to my head canons for him. It's why he exaggerates a lot of his hand-when-speaking actions (and body movements) and apologizes for not having the right tone. Just quirky neurodivergent things :3 )

okay okay but seriously Donnie both somehow manages to be the clearest with how their childhood/life conditions negatively impacted him and also the least affected. I think it's compounded by even if he was human and not a mutant turtle, he still wouldn't be able to fit into the mould of a "normal" human, so as a mutant turtle he sticks out even more. Might've been something he struggled with until later because rn in the series it seems like he's embraced that a lot more, although still struggles. I could go on, but he fits my brain's vibes for "projection mode engaged" so yeah, babygirl

Donnie has autism and Mikey has adhd no questions asked. Raph is on the neurodivergent spectrum but in a less defined way (DEFINITELY HAS SEPARATION ANXIETY!!) and Leo is the token neurotypical that adopted neurodivergent behaviours and mindsets because that's what he grew up around. So he gets the same outsider feel of being different while coincidentally having his difference be that his brain is ""more normal"" <- heavy quotation marks.

uhhh final thoughts because I could ramble for days.. Splinter so far sucks I think that there's something really weird in the vibes of him purposefully raising all the turtle brothers in a way where the only times they got much validation/even just acknowledgement was through them obsessively watching all the films he was in. Like idk something about the vibes of him not telling them at ALL that that is him but heavily encouraging them to act out his movies in front of him gives off something weird.

SIDE RANT ABOUT THEIR COLOURS!! I AM SO INTRIGUED ABOUT THIS ELEMENT

Also like Splinter calls them by colours which he probably colour coded them all just to tell them apart (maybe why they always wear the masks? Because that's the only way they felt external validation of their lives and existence that wasn't just through the four of them??)

He might've did red first because we see him wear a lot of red, and blue is the stereotypical opposite of red so it makes sense to choose that second. Red vs Blue stereotype, etc etc. Maybe why Leo is competitive too? Because he felt his first experiences were being compared to Raph?

It's interesting that Donnie got purple because that's a mix of red and blue, so maybe Splinter wanted to give them some sort of cohesive theme at that point? Like a sliding scale of colours? Maybe it started because Raph and Leo both gave Donnie some purple, idk tho.

Purple is heavily used to either represent (evil) tech or just Donnie and Donnie has the most attachment to the colour so there's definitely something going on there.

Maybe Splinter didn't even realize there was a third turtle kid until Raph and Leo found a way to get Splinter to recognize there was a difference at all (maybe why Donnie in particular strives so much for acknowledgement by Splinter? Because his earliest life was defined by being mistaken for other people?

Mikey being Orange feels like Splinter gave up and didn't want to go with yellow (the more obvious choice as it's a primary colour, kinda surprised Donnie didn't get assigned yellow) and maybe did the same thing with Raph where he just took some spare material (he wears a lot of gold and orange in hems and whatnot) and just plopped that on Mikey.

Kinda shows how Mikey is separated by the rest by being born the youngest, they might've had some sort of living routine set up before he was there and he didn't have much say in how it adapted? Like Leo and Raph are opposites or could've been intended as opposites by Splinter, and with Donnie being so close to the same age as Leo (but his soft shell making him more prone to injury and therefore requiring both Raph's and Leo's protection) he fit into the middle but still closer to Leo (<- Donnie thought of himself as the middle child between them three for sure, but both Leo and Raph think of him as the youngest out of the three).

Mikey being orange shows that's he's kinda excluded from the twins thing that Leo and Donnie have, and might be closer to Raph because of that. After all Mikey and Raph are the only ones with masks on the warm side of the colour wheel (also adding that Mikey is a combination of red and yellow, with yellow not symbolizing anything so maybe that's adding to Mikey's vibes of being an outsider/different/unique?

He's loud in all the different ways that Donnie is (which was probably worse earlier than it is now currently in the show) and struggles with focusing his attention and thoughts where Donnie struggles with the opposite. Both Leo and Donnie saw themselves as middle siblings and treat may tried to treat Mikey similar to how they treated each other (in terms of "this is how I know how to interact with younger siblings and you are younger so this is right, right?" sorta way)

Raph would've had the experience of having two fairly different younger siblings, so he adapted more easily to the personal needs of Mikey as a younger brother? Like he unlocked his emotional intelligence earlier and could recognize (possibly comparing their behaviour to Leo?) that both Donnie and Mikey are different (more obviously neurodivergent, both probably would've been special needs kids).

Plus Donnie would be struggling more with his low empathy, perhaps not recognizing it at all and being constantly confused about others, further pushing him into the younger sibling role for both Raph and Leo because they might see that as him "struggling with something basic" (heavy quotation marks)?

Which would make Mikey (who is a fairly emotions driven person) and Donnie have difficulties communicating/Donnie having difficulties being a decent older brother. And Leo being worried and distracted by Donnie having a soft shell and maybe falling into the trap of "hey Mikey's shell is hard like Raph's and Mine so he's probably going to be okay, not like this bozo over here".

ANYWAYS I AM FERAL OVER THIS THE COLOUR SYMBOLISM AND HOW IT COULD REFLECT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER AND DYNAMICS BUT ALSO SHOWING HOW THEY WERE TREATED (as creatures to be colour coded rather than named and raised) IS OUGOUHGOUGUHGOU !!1 <- howling

FINAL NOTE: I keep thinking about how Donnie might have first gotten into science by testing which materials could help make him less "weak" (cover up the soft shell) and how his soft-shell-only years could have been defined as him being the "official most fragile" brother. And how finding a way to mimic a hard shell would be what he needed to officially be more equal to the rest of the brothers, and how he might've fallen in love with science then but it's intrinsically tied to his self worth and need to prove that he can pull his own weight/be helpful enough to stick around and be treated as an equal. And how his science experiments might have been what got him some of Splinter's earliest acknowledgements and AAAAA

Like maybe before he was "the purple one" he was "the soft shelled one" or "the weakest one" or (more extreme) the "defective turtle" (because turtles are known for having hard shells, so why didn't he?). And how he leans into the purple so much is because he's trying to erase that feeling of being defined as not a name or not even a colour, but by how "weak" he was, and his intelligence could be some level of survival mechanism to not be stuck in a loop of negativity towards himself and be an equal in an already extremely small world where his existence itself is "a crime against nature" so to speak.

He will be loud about being the purple one because he'd even give up being the smart one because he would much rather be defined as even a singular colour than just "the defective one". That's why he'll make bad(?) choices if it's got something to do with the colour purple, because unlike the rest he wasn't even dignified a colour when he was young and feels like he has to fight for it or earn it, to some level.

<- I am so normal about him I swear I swear I'm not biting him like a dog and rapidly shaking him like a chew toy. I am so normal about him your honour

A LOT of this is based on where I am in the show now and my educated guesses on what I know about the characters and what I've watched and YEAH I could be completely wrong about their early lives maybe they like, all fell out of a tube one by one and the "big time difference" between their ages is like, minutes vs seconds lol. Maybe it's entirely head canons maybe I've done analysis. BUT YEAH ANYWAYS THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS THANSK FOR READING IF YOU DO GET THIS FAR, I AM SO FERAL ABOUT THIS SHOW AND I AM BLAMING YOU (compliment, positive, cheering in the distance)

IM Always happy to make someone feral about my favorite Media.

There’s wayyy to much here to really respond to but I basically agree with most of the stuff you’ve said. (and the only stuff you've got wrong you only got wrong cause you havent finished the show lol)

The thing about the colors is that Red, Blue, Orange, and Purple are already the TMNT colors and there’s no way you could get away with changing them in a new reboot without people getting mad, I think hhahfadsf. THAT BEING SAID I think your analysis of their colors is still very fitting and cool and interesting, even if the out-of-universe reason they are that way is cuz that’s how they’ve always been.

NO SPOILERS but later on Donnie has an ep that basically confirms his tech and self worth are connected and idk if you know this, but Donnie and Mikey canoncially have autism/adhd.

I LOVEEED reading ur thoughts on the characters and their minds and im SO GLAD you like it ahsdfasdf

#nnstuff #ask #long post

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momsopposed2theoccult · 3 years

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It’s come to my attention that a good majority of people on this website have a really poor understanding of the conflict between Toph and Katara in “The Chase.” As somebody who loves both characters and their friendship, this irritates me. Without further ado, let’s unpack that in what is in theory supposed to be a meta but turned out more like a rant.

“Katara was hostile towards Toph because the fact that she’s a gender non-conforming girl made Katara uncomfortable because Katara is obsessed with gender roles.”

Alright, so right off the bat this is just... completely idiotic and clearly fuelled by an agenda (and likely also a lot of projection). First of all, how is Katara of “I don’t want to heal, I want to fight!” fame “obsessed with gender roles?” There’s an entire episode in Book One dedicated to Katara refusing to conform to societal norms for women in the Northern Water Tribe! Katara routinely calls Sokka out on his misogynistic bullshit! (Mind you I adore Sokka but he could be a little twerp at times and Katara was 100% right to challenge him on it) Katara is the feminist icon of ATLA! The fact that people act like Katara is some sort of conservative tradwife who loves gender roles instead of the outspoken feminist and political activist she is makes me incredibly angry.

Second of all, Katara was extremely kind and welcoming towards Toph at first. She gently encouraged her to join in with the group as they all set up camp together as opposed to setting up her own private camp. It’s only when Toph refuses to comply with her that Katara begins to get irritated. Mind you, Toph has her reasons for this, something I’ll get to in a minute, but from Katara’s perspective (key word here is perspective) she’s just being an annoying little stubborn, selfish, lazy, anti-social, entitled brat. Of course we the audience find out later that this isn’t the case at all (or at least in theory we should find out later but apparently some people on here skipped that part), but for all her many talents Katara is not a mind reader and has no way of knowing what’s going on inside Toph’s head, nor does she know her well enough yet to fully grasp the context behind why Toph acts the way she does. Katara is somebody who greatly values community and believes in teamwork, so Toph turning down her warm welcome in favour of “carrying her own weight” likely felt like a slap in the face. Not to mention that she’s already emotionally exhausted from having to constantly mother Aang and Sokka. If I were Katara, I likely would have reacted the same way.

Oh and I agree that the “the stars look beautiful tonight, too bad you can’t see them, Toph” comment was out of line, but it doesn’t make her a horrible person. It makes her a 14 year old, and 14 year olds can be nasty, especially sleep deprived 14 year olds. Katara is otherwise a very kind and compassionate person. Other characters have said worse than that. Hell, Toph herself has said worse than that. That being said, it was a deeply hurtful comment and I do like to imagine that she apologized for it off-screen.

“Toph is a lazy, entitled, and classist spoiled rich brat who just didn’t want to do chores and expected other people to wait on her.”

This is another one that makes me roll my eyes and ask if they even watched the show. First of all, the presumption that Toph is a lazy or entitled person is just... laughable. I feel like people forget that Toph isn’t actually an earthbending prodigy in the way that Azula is a firebending prodigy (I could say more about Azula and how her belief that she was the unshakeable prodigal daughter ultimately caused her downfall and how by the end of the series Zuko is arguably a better firebender than her but this isn’t a meta about Azula and Zuko, now is it?). Nah. Toph was a sheltered kid who discovered she had the ability to earthbend, was told that she could never become great at it because she was blind, and in response said FUCK THAT and decided to work her ass off until she was not only great but the very greatest all thanks to her crazy, stupid, off-the-charts nerve, drive, grit, ambition, and desire to prove people wrong about her. Does that sound like a lazy person to you? Believe me when I say that you do not achieve that kind of skill level by sitting around on your ass and expecting to have things handed to you. And entitled? Don’t make me laugh. Toph hates having things handed to her, that’s one of her defining characteristics.

As for the implication that she’s classist and enjoys basking in her family’s wealth and being waited on...... are you stupid? Did you even watch the show? Toph absolutely despises everything about her parents’ lifestyle. Growing up like that was traumatizing and restrictive for her. We’re talking about a girl who likes to play around in the mud for fuck’s sake. Toph does not care how much money you have. She never wanted any to begin with. She even says it herself; “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. They gave me everything I could have wanted. But they never gave me what I actually needed - their love.” Not to mention that she easily could have continued to freeload off her parents wealth but instead chose to sneak out of the house and make her own money doing what she did best; disproving people’s assumptions about her earthbending. Oh and I’ve seen someone point this out before but WWE is generally considered a “low brow” activity that “proper” people frown upon and shouldn’t associate themselves with. Toph fucking loved it. I don’t know how seriously people take the comics, as they often miss the mark when it comes to characterization (Toph’s, however, was generally pretty accurate), but there’s a part in The Rift where Sokka asks her when she’s going to start charging people to learn metalbending and she gets all serious and flat out tells him that she will never do such a thing, because money doesn’t matter to her. Sharing her one true passion with the world is what matters to her. Oh and the part where she basically tells a bunch of rich and sleazy businessmen to fuck off and “stop thinking about money and start thinking about people’s lives” is just... *chef’s kiss* Sorry my thoughts here are so incoherent but this take is so piss poor and makes me so angry that I don’t even know where to start. As for “Toph enjoys being waited on” I just- *sigh* Toph has such a visceral and defensive reaction to any implication that she is unable to take care of herself. Like I said earlier, that’s one of her defining characteristics as well as the reason for her behaviour in “The Chase.” Where are people getting these takes?

You wanna know why Toph acted the way she did in The Chase? Well, first let’s recap her life up to this point. Toph was born the blind daughter of one of the wealthiest families in the Earth Kingdom. From day one her parents treated her like glass due to her disability. She was not allowed to leave her house unsupervised, and even then she was only permitted to walk around the gardens of her home. Every day of her life she was pitied, gaslit, babied, ignored, emotionally neglected, and made to feel ashamed of herself. She was not allowed to make any decisions for herself. She was not allowed to do anything for herself. She was not allowed to talk to other children. She had no friends. Other people didn’t even know she existed on account that her parents kept her locked up in her own home and didn’t tell anybody about her because they were so ashamed to have a blind daughter. Flash forward to “The Chase.” Toph begins to set up her own camp separate from the rest of the Gaang. Considering that she flat out was not socialized as a child and hadn’t even interacted with anybody her own age prior to a few days ago, this is understandable. So then Katara comes up to her and asks her why she isn’t setting up camp with the others as if she’s somehow incapable of taking care of herself (again, this is just what happened from her perspective) like she’s her mom or something and it just angers her because she thought she joined this group to get away from all that and she doesn’t understand how friends work because she’s never had one, all she knows is that apparently this girl thinks she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, and that infuriates her because it’s the exact same bullshit she thought she was running away from.

There’s a lot more I could say about this but I’m sick of typing so yeah in conclusion both of these takes are piss poor and I’m sick of having to read them. Stan Toph, Katara, and their friendship.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #katara #toph beifong #nora speaks

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mindingmyownbrain · 4 years

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Identity Confusion/Crisis in Autism

Recently I realised that it isn’t unusual for autistic people to have lifelong struggles with their identities. This has certainly been true for me. I’ve spoken to many autistic people who feel as though they don’t have a stable sense of who they are or want to be, and sometimes feel as though they live their lives switching from identity to identity or being extremely preoccupied with it in an attempt to figure it out.

Everybody needs an identity to help them work out how to act in the moment and predict things about themselves in the future. This in turn can help us imagine what we might want from our futures and what would be worth committing our time, money, and energy to.

Confusion about your identity, therefore, means that you will have trouble knowing what you want, what to do, or how to relate to yourself or other people. You may feel as though that you don’t know who you are in one or more aspects of you life to such a degree that you or others find this disruptive, distracting, or distressing.

There isn’t much research on this subject as it relates to autism specifically but there is some research on identity confusion more generally. For instance, I came across a video on YouTube that talked about identity confusion and borderline personality disorder. The description of the video chimed with me:

Many individuals with BPD feel uncertain about where they end and others begin. This is part of the unstable self-image often seen in those with this diagnosis. This video will discuss identity disturbance in BPD and the feeling that you have no idea who you are or what you believe in, characterized by shifting goals, values, and vocational aspirations. There may be sudden changes in opinions and plans about career, sexual identity, values, and types of friends.

There are significant differences between BPD and autism, but the feeling of not knowing where I end and others begin is something I have felt my whole life and is something that I have heard from many other autistic people, too.

Identity confusion, broadly speaking, can lead to or manifest as…

Not knowing what your priorities are;

Not knowing how you feel;

Letting other people or circumstances decide most things or everything for you;

Feeling as though you are not real;

Dropping out of hobbies, social circles, commitments or long-term goals;

Difficulty asserting yourself or being unable to hold your own in an argument (you might find yourself adopting the other person’s point of view even if you disagree with it and forgetting what it is that you actually think and feel);

Difficulty regulating your behaviour in social interactions (e.g. acting excited when you want to be calm, laughing at things you don’t find funny, etc);

Randomly joining or wanting to join different subcultures or religions;

Feeling as though you have several people living inside of you;

Difficulty maintaining friendships;

Confusion about your sexual orientation that doesn’t go away;

Having trouble identifying and committing to your goals;

Not establishing a career because you don’t know what you want to do with your life;

Dropping out of school, college, or university - perhaps repeatedly;

Feeling as though you’re not living up to your potential because you don’t know what your potential is because you don’t know who you are;

Other people might view you as immature because of your lack of commitment or constant experimentation;

Constantly doubting your decisions and don’t feel like you can trust yourself;

Feeling as though you are always putting on an act but you don’t know how to stop, or who you would be if you did stop;

And so on.

Masking (which is when an autistic person hides their autistic traits) is an obvious thing to ponder when it comes to autism and identity confusion because of how it can make us feel disconnected from our inner selves and the world around us.

Where this subject got really interesting for me though was in realising that there are many, many things that might contribute to this confusion for autistic people. Some of these things are to do with our own psychology and some are due to the pressures of living as an autistic person in a non-autistic world:

Masking (hiding our autistic traits);

Social isolation (we find out who we are in part through our interactions with other people);

Feeling as though other people don’t understand us;

Not feeling independent (according to clinical and developmental psychologist James Marcia, an identity crisis tends to resolve for teenagers when they attain independence in adulthood. If your independence is dependant on other people helping you, could it be that you might struggle to feel fully autonomous? And, if so, what happens if people refuse to give you the help you need?);

Rigid routine or autistic inertia (this can limit our experiences - we may perseverate and/or think deeply about something, but if we can’t experience it or test it out we may never get to truly resolve our identity crisis or confusion);

Perseveration (autistic people tend to be deep thinkers but we can also get “stuck” on ideas, going back to the same thought or idea again and again and again and again); Obsessions and special interests (we may become intensely interested in a topic or subculture and analyse it or think about it constantly… but not act on it or try it out for real);

Impulsivity (autistic people can be both rigid and impulsive and swing from one to the other);

Mimicking non-autistic people (even if we don’t want to or don’t really understand what we’re doing or why);

Having few or no autistic role models (especially ones relating to more than one aspect of our identity);

Taking things literally (such as believing things other people tell us about who we are, who other people are, and how the world is, etc);

Struggling with a theory of mind (not knowing how someone else does or would think, feel, act or believe and why can make you feel confused as to how you think you should think, feel, act, believe, or do something and why. You may also not know if someone else’s thoughts, feelings, actions, beliefs, preferences, or reasons for things are actually relevant to you in any given situation);

Rigid thinking* (such as believing we “should” be a certain way all the time even if you’re not. A desire for things to be definitive can perhaps also result in wanting to label ourselves to make an otherwise illusive identity more concrete. For example, if you were a goth you’d know which clothes to wear, if you were vegetarian you’d know what food to eat, and so on);

Gender dysphoria (this is common even if the autistic person is not transgender);

Disassociation or feeling disconnected from the body;

Alexythymia (trouble identifying or feeling one’s emotions - not every autistic person has this but it is more common in the autistic population than in the non-autistic population);

Feeling overwhelmed by other people (other people’s identities or influence over you can seem stronger to your than your own);

Depression and anxiety (extremely common in the autistic population);

Executive dysfunction (this can leading to a lack of follow-through and under-achievement, which can in turn lead to a lack of closure on issues and areas related to identity);

Wanting to fit in and wanting to be like other people;

Feeling different (many people struggle with their identity but autistic people can feel very different to those around them and may struggle all the more for it);

Being told we “should” be a certain way by non-autistic people (”you’re too sensitive! Why are you making a fuss? Why can’t you keep up and remember things? You should be able to do that!” etc);

Being told who we are by non-autistic people (such as, “you have autism, you are not autistic”, “autistic people are weird”, “autistic people should be great a maths”, “autistic people lack empathy”, “autistic people are obviously autistic”, “you’re not autistic”);

Having our autism doubted by non-autistic people;

Being overwhelmed by how many ways there are to be (we get overwhelmed by choices at the best of times…).

Again I want to emphasise that these are my own thoughts and theories, and I’d love to know what you all think as it has been quite an exciting topic for me personally to consider.

I’d also like to hear from other people who have an identity confusion that is related to another condition, such as BPD. Do you relate to any of the above?

I suspect there is somewhat of a taboo surrounding identity confusion as people often say they don’t want to sound as if they’re being “fake” or make people worry that they don’t actually know us. I hope that in talking about it we can shed some light on this issue and draw attention to it - and possibly research, too.

* Interestingly, a friend of mine once said that she deliberately maintains her black-and-white way of thinking to give her some protection from identity confusion. She decides very bluntly what she does and doesn’t like (even if she doesn’t know because she hasn’t tried the thing before) or will and won’t do (even if it is inconvenient), and this lack of flexibility helps her resist feeling overwhelmed and as though she is “losing” herself in other people

#autism #identity struggle #identity crisis #identity confusion #bpd #actuallyautistic #disassociation #did #multiple personality disorder

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gigslist · 3 years

Text

34+ Voiceover Roles & 3 Musician Open Calls - Work From Home - Paid

'F*cking Sober' Podcast

22 + Roles

3 Open Calls for Musicians With Their Own Music

PAID WORK FROM HOME NON UNION

Deadline : September 15, 2021 2:00 PM

Somehow9am Productions // F*cking Sober: the first 90 days Podcast

Katie Mack, coord.

:"A call for artists in recovery for the 2nd Season of The Webby Award Winning Podcast Series 'F*cking Sober: the first 90 days.' We are looking for voice over talent and musicians/music producers for 'FS: Shadai.' 'F*cking Sober' is a semi-comedic mostly non-fictional narrative podcast following Shadai’s first 90 days of getting sober. Thirty-five year old Shadai is the black, queer, strong female in advertising— so what if she keeps shots in her bra for between meetings, right? But after a shitshow holiday party, a fuzzy cop encounter, and a disaster presentation with the new big account, Dry January doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Maybe Dry Forever is better. This is what it looks, acts, and feels like to get f*cking sober. This 8 episode serialized show features music by artists with their own story with recovery. F*cking Sober Season 1: Anita has received 15k downloads since it’s release in Nov 2020, and received a 2021 Webby Nomination for Best Limited Series, and a Webby Win for Best Writing for a Podcast. At this time we are only looking to work with artists who have a relationship/understanding of recovery. Please follow instructions for submitting and what to include in the cover letter to be considered! Thank you! Listen to Season 1 to get the vibe: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/f-cking-sober-the-first-90-days/id1538804959?i=1000499155627 And check out: www.fckingsoberpodcast.com @fckingsober90_podcast More information about Somehow9am Productions & Katie Mack (Producer): www.somehow9amproductions.com www.mackstage.com"

Roles

Shadai (Voiceover): Female, 18+WORK FROM HOMEproduction states: "Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! 35 year old, black, queer, cis gender female attorney with a dry sense of humor, who has strong opinions and shares them sometimes, is a powerhouse and knows it all… until… until she doesn’t. Please note your experience with improv/comedy in your cover letter If you have writing experience or are interested in writing please note this in your cover letter. We will be giving writing credits to the right candidate who desires to contribute to the molding of this character."Required Media: Voice Reel

Other Characters (Voiceover): 20-70

"Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! We are looking for diversity in every sense of the word, from all genders, to ages, to ethnicities, to lived experiences, to food preferences!! In short, we are looking to cast dope, interesting people. Looking to cast various characters through out the S2 Shadai, including but not limited to:

Dad (black, army veteran, a dad’s dad)

Mom (black, hyper critical, the opposite of Shadai)

Dana (any ethnicity, work enemy)

Coco (white, work bestie)

JewBoo aka Therapist (Jewish, confidant, motherly, with a special sense of humor)

Miriam (black, best friend and ex-lover who tells it like it is)

Galen (white, gay, best friend who is warm and caring and pushy)

15 other characters Please note any experience you may have with comedy/improv if any. Please submit your reel along with your cover letter."Required Media: Voice Reel, Cover Letter

Musicians (BIPOC Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from BIPOC identifying artists.

Musicians (Queer Identifying Artist in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music by Queer Artists.

Musicians (Non-BIPOC/Non-Queer Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from non-BIPOC or non-Queer Identifying Artists in recovery.

"To be produced over the course of October 2021 - January 2022 Shadai’s commitment is estimated at two hrs/wk. Other characters 30mins. Musicians, all work should already exist. Please be prepared to send stems or stripped down tracks."

Compensation & Union Contract Details

Stipend: $25 - $75Production states: "Shadai (Lead Character), $550 for full season. All Other Characters: $25-$50 per episode. Musicians: $25-$75 per song per episode. Sync license contract."

Seeking talent: Nationwide (United States)

Website:http://www.fckingsoberpodcast.com

======================================

'Rain: Series III'

12 Voiceover Roles

PAID WORK FROM HOME NONUNION

Deadline: September 14, 2021 8:59 PM

JKPRising James Klim, filmmaker

Seeking voiceover talent for "Rain: Series III," a web-series, created in the video game Halo Reach on MCC via Xbox/PC. "This series will have a total of 13 episodes. I have many characters to cast, 12 specifically. If you wish to learn more about the show, you can check out my documentary series regarding the show. You can view the first episode here - www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlzPQvJS3og A little bit about me, I am a freelance filmmaker who actually got into film through making Halo videos as a kid when I was younger. You can check out some of my work here - www.jkprising.com/ I've always wanted to return to my roots & finish a series I was never able to before, but now I have the time to focus on it. This is a paid position. Rates depend on each character as some have more lines than others & vice versa. I am not the wealthiest person in the world, but I will to compensate each voice actor for their performance. My budget per character is between $100 - $300. This again, all varies per character. In this post, there is a video of what the character will look like in the series. I have also attached a single page from a random episode script from the show. The highlighted lines are what the character will say. There will also be non verbal lines highlighted, this is meant to be voiced kind of like an anime, where every movement usually has sounds. Typically, how would you make a sound if you did any of the following, head turn, turns around, surprised gasp, sighs, etc. Since this a paid gig, I am expecting a professional voice audition & if hired, continued professional audio. This means minimum to no background noise. The audio needs to be crisp."

Roles

Chloe Moody (Voiceover): Female, 18-35WORK FROM HOME29. Voice type: English/United Kingdom accent, polite, doesn't get mad often but when she does, she loses it, anxious, low self esteem, hopeful. Chloe Moody used to be a psychiatrist, but after the death of her soon to be husband, she spiraled into insanity. She met someone later on in life named Tom Rains, who looked exactly like her dead boyfriend. She became obsessed with him & tried to get with him, which sunk her further into a deep depression. She finally hit rock bottom, which causes her to seek out help from the very people she used to serve. Chloe meets a psychiatrist named Jennifer, who is able to help herself almost fully recover. Chloe eventually accidently runs back into Tom, which triggers Chloe to try one last time. After a final rejection, Chloe comes to the realization that she is not redeemable & decides to take her own life in front of Tom. Chloe's death, triggers a massive event for Tom Rains, which has massive ramifications for the series. Chloe is a major character and will appear in a couple episodes.Languages:

English

Accents:

British

Australian

Voice Styles:

Soft

Softspoken

Crazy

Compassionate

Sad

Angry

Required Media: Voice Reel

Dark Daryl (Voiceover): Male, 18-40WORK FROM HOME

32, voice type: Very dark presence, evil. sadistic, look at examples like Yami Marik from the Original Yu-Gi-Oh - www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xaa_ycud6o, manic, darkness. Dark Daryl is the darkness of his original persona, Daryl. Daryl accidentally acquired a powerful technology known as an imperium. This caused Daryl to lose himself to it at some point & was taken over by an alternate personality named, The Professor, which caused tons of damage. When Daryl came back to his senses, the damage had been done & others abandoned him, which caused him to grow angry at something that he didn't consciously do. Daryl once again loses himself to the imperium, which turns into Dark Daryl, a representation of all the anger & hatred he endured over the course of his past uncontrollable actions. Dark Daryl is very aggressive, sadistic & wants to destroy the people who wronged him in the past. Eventually, he comes face to face with Daryl & fights to stay as the one who remains in control, even if that means killing Daryl & anyone who gets in his way. Dark Daryl is a character who appears in the second half of the show, & becomes the series main villain. He will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Aggressive

Angry

Evil

Commanding

Straightforward

Scary

Dangerous

Intimidating

Demonic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Nikki (Voiceover): Female, 18-35 WORK FROM HOME

25. Voice type: Energetic, passionate, caring, open-minded, loving, positive, independent, fighter. Nikki used to date Tom Rains. She didn't really have much going for her, as she had no ambition at all during that time of her life. After Tom broke up with her, this was quite the shock to Nikki. It caused her to really dive deep within herself & from that moment, she tried to learn more about herself. She discovered a love for storytelling, & so went into journalism. Nikki is now dating Jennifer & they have been together for almost a year. Nikki eventually gets wrapped up in a major conspiracy, which drags many of her friends in with her. She is in for the story of her entire career. Nikki is a major character and will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Comforting

Compassionate

Caring

Amusing

Animated

Brave

Heroic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Talent works remotely with professional recording equipment.

Professional Pay: $100 - $300Pays between $100-$300 depending on character.

Nationwide (United States)

Additional Materials

Website: https://www.jkprising.com/

Nikki Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/7f95c65b-ab53-43d3-a66b-9e59d1041acb.pdf

Dark Daryl Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/00cfdf46-84c1-4da6-9dee-91c7bcdeed3d.pdf

Chloe Moody Audition.pdf https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/186cbe9e-9c7e-4ce5-bcbe-2407a9dec00b.pdf

#voiceover casting calls #work from home voice over work #music wanted online #jobs for musicians #remote jobs for musicians #music writer jobs #gigs for recovering addicts

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

Photo

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Midge!

You have been accepted for the role of ANDROMEDA TONKS with the faceclaim change of Gemma Arterton! We really enjoyed how the old prejudices come out with your Andromeda, all while trying to combat them. We think it’ll be really interesting to see how she fits within her role in the Order, especially since she’ll be connected to old family. So excited to have you as part of the roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Midge ( she / her )

AGE: 28

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: It’s pretty solid - I am generally around to plot on mobile throughout the day and while my job can be very demanding at certain times of the year, I still am able to post a few times a week.

ANYTHING ELSE: ( Triggers ) Rape, incest. [edited for clarity]

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Andromeda Cassiopeia Tonks ( nee Black )

AGE: Twenty-nine

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: CIS Female ( she / her ). Heterosexual. While Bi-Curious, Andromeda has never explored her sexuality fully.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I would love to use Gemma Arterton, if possible!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY: Scorpio ( Sun ). Scorpio ( Moon ). Taurus ( Rising ).

A sun in Scorpio and ascendant in Taurus, Andromeda does often find difficulty understanding how she is perceived by others. In a position where rubbing people the wrong way was never much of a worry of hers, she often presents herself as materialistic and overly self-involved. While materialism is something she is mindful of ( finding comfort through her means being something she does strive towards ), this is not her driving force.

Her Sun being in Scorpio means she has a fundamental urge to get to the bottom of things, which can at times lead her to be manipulative or power-hungry, but it is from a place of intense passion for authenticity, real intimacy, and the truth. Andromeda is driven to set herself apart from others, often through her close relationships and long-term partnerships. Her desire for marriage was not only born out of a moment of heated vitriol to her family, but also in the pursuit of sustaining the connection she felt with Ted in the most lasting manner she could think.

Her Moon represents her emotional self: intense, passionate, and a bit dramatic. With an eye for a bit of a show, she still is inclined to keep her more intense and darker emotions private and has a hard time truly letting people in. Trust is hard-fought with her, and while she is very perceptive this sometimes manifests in suspicion and even controlling tendencies. The through-line of Andromeda’s personality is that she craves intimacy, and while it takes effort to get to the core of her it is upon being truly known she finds herself most fulfilled.

Dromeda is extremely practical, she is reliable and deliberate, giving off the impression of someone who is sensible ( though sometimes, extremely, stubborn ). Through her insightful intuition, Andromeda excels not only in her career but her obsessive tendencies make for someone who can build out a life for herself. She avoids “ beating around the bush ” where she can, and as a result can come off as harsh or intrusive. Being as intuitive to others as she is, she also heavily relies on communicating through body language or if the relationship allows, physical affection.

Ultimately, Andromeda can be very internal even when present with her own deeply intuitive and feeling self. Run through with a stubborn nature and desire to use her mental capacities to achieve her own personally set goals, she is ultimately a loving and devoted person to those she allows past the moments of discernment. As a result she’s always very aware of any who come into those people’s lives, utilizing her scrupulous nature to ensure that what she holds dear remains safely guarded.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY: ( TW: Mention of child death )

It is their cousin who tells them his sister died.

Not much older than Cissa, Iris died before she could even get a place on the family tree. Aunt Lavinia sits by a window and while her eyes are transfixed on the glass, Andromeda somehow knows she is not looking at anything that is outside. The house is quiet, save for Evan occasionally tugging at the cat’s tail just to hear it hiss. Normally Dromeda would tell him to stop, normally she would start pulling his hair so he could understand how it felt. But normally he did not have a dead sister so she sits with her hands politely folded in her lap.

In any case, she has a question to ask.

" Why? "

" How? "

The second question comes rushing from Bella.

They do not receive any answer right away, a pinch from Mother and a look from Father bars any more words from leaving their lips the rest of the visit. They get their answer at home before bed, Mother and Father sits them down in front of a window. Aunt Lavinia’s eyes must still be looking at but not out the window in her own home, Dromeda thinks while her too-wide and observant eyes strain to study Mother’s face.

As usual, it comes back to those creatures called Muggles. The same who burn witches and wizards alive, the same who beat Andromeda’s relatives and stoned them to death. Those evil beings who destroy everything and made Wizard-kind ashamed of their powers. Mother tells Bellatrix and herself of a new heinous act. They sneak into nurseries of the most innocent babies with their special, magical blood and pierce their soft, sweet skin with their teeth. They drink and drink until the baby stops breathing. They take all that is special from the child to pass on to their own offspring, to make those mudbloods look and speak as they do. They do it to infiltrate, to feed on more, to destroy every bit of goodness in the world.

( Aunt Lavinia’s baby is dead because of muggles - she was killed by a greedy, horrid monster. )

Mother tells her to stop clutching at her as she walks her back to her bedroom. She does her best, straightens her back and balls a small fist at her side - she stops holding Mother’s hand and instead tries to hold her own. It does nothing to stop her heart from racing. Once in bed, she counts the footsteps of Mother’s graceful stride until she knows she is alone. Until she knows she can move from her bed without being punished. Andromeda's less-than-graceful feet fumble from sheets and scramble to the ground. Frantic steps carry her toward the nursery. The door is cracked, and that is concerning.

It takes all of her courage to push through.

She expects to find a horned creature with long fangs hovering over her sister’s crib - instead she finds Bella laying on the floor beside it. With only a look exchanged in recognition, Andie joins her and is comforted in the thought Bella does not mind when she holds her hand. No matter how hard she squeezes.

Without any words the two sisters resolve themselves to be the protectors of the youngest from those who would wish to prey on her.

This memory begins to dull at age eleven. She watches a boy from across the Great Hall with mild curiosity, and his whole body moves as he laughs.

“Filthy mudblood,” is sneered from somewhere down the table. Instinctively, Andromeda reaches for Bellatrix’s hand.

( How odd, she thinks as she spots him later, he doesn’t seem to have fangs at all. )

She’s thirteen by the time they are formally introduced, her upbringing does not allow for her to be anything less than polite. At least, this is what she tells herself as she engages in conversation. He tells him his name is Ted and Andromeda spends the night thinking of how it felt when they clasped hands.

They talk, confined by isolated areas and the moonlight. Out of shame at first, perhaps. But there are some things Andromeda comes to find she only wants the moon sharing with her, with him.

Later ( in secret, away from her sisters’ prying eyes ), she’ll trace the veins in his wrist and she thinks she can feel the blood beneath begin to warm. How could it be thick, how could it be muddy - she thinks. His blood, and a burgeoning feeling becoming increasingly harder to ignore is as pure as anything she’s ever touched. Soft and warm when she’s nestled beside his beating heart, soft and warm even when she’s not.

( He’s not dirty, she thinks. Her family might be the one that is wrong. )

She’s lost to them long before they realize, long before she herself has accepted the truth. Ted holds one half of her, she believes, reserving some part that has listened to the lessons taught by her parents. Bellatrix’s infatuation of her own dalliance grows, a man who is allowed to eat at their table and handled their most prized heirlooms. He is the one who is unworthy, he is the one who poses the greater threat to everything important. ( There are bigger problems, she reasons, than a simple affair. )

Pregnancy brings on horrid morning sickness, and a slap that rings in her ear to this day, if she listens closely enough. “ Dead to us, ” they say. But offer a gift in the wake. As she spills out into the night air she finds herself gasping, as though she had resurfaced, as though she has just been saved from a watery grave.

( She stops by Cissa’s room, hoping to salvage at least one piece ).

Years of playing protector, vanquisher of the monsters under the bed, come full circle on her own. Nymphadora is born without the usual pomp and circumstance she has known in such occasions, but love pours from her quickly enraptured by strong lungs unabashedly wailing into the night air. Born able to achieve whatever she would like. That’s what she tells her, whispered promises like the exchange of vows shared with Ted before.

( She tries to ignore the Daily Prophet’s proclamations of anything else ).

A life is built, with difficulty and with trial and error ( how was she to know washing machines were to work like that? ) She is happy, she thinks, after years of being told such pursuits are foolish or secondary. She can protect them, she can keep them just isolated enough to not call any attention their way. There’s an effort to bring them closer to the fold but Andromeda balks at such a concept. ( Albus Dumbledore can not be trusted, she implores. Men with such power rarely care for their pawns at play ).

And still the part of her remains. The way certain light catches and she can feel those around her stiffen ( She looks so much like her, doesn’t she? ) The part of her which sharpened fangs in duels with Bellatrix left idly twiddling her fingers. It’s relentless, the tide. All the reasons why her job suits her. All the best, she thinks, to keep some things separate.

( She was told, once, about the myth behind her name. The Chained Woman. Andromeda was never asked her opinion, or so it’s said. Perhaps she only knew better to keep it to herself. )

OCCUPATION:

Unspeakable in the Ministry of Magic. A niche for ancient artifacts and interest in history allows for her attention to be drawn to the mysteries that keep magic interesting. Andromeda enjoys her job, finding it satisfying an itch she oftentimes could feel ashamed of ( if she spent much time thinking about what compels her, that is ). It is with the understanding of the level of access such a position has given her that she found herself acting as informant to the Order in the first place, and not necessarily because she felt any good will towards the movement of radicals. Andromeda isn’t compelled to trust the Ministry, exactly, nor is she inclined to leave her trust with men recruiting children to war. Her loyalty has always been a closed circle, stuck to a desire to move forward and a need to provide for her family.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Andromeda is more inclined to believe that the Ministry and actual authority would have the means to bring about the end of the war, but with the shift of tide she understands that such measures are a necessary evil. For however far removed she has been from the Black Family Tapestry for the time she’s been married, Andromeda still remembers what it was like to host Voldemort for dinner parties as Bellatrix’s obsession for him grew. She is of a unique group who understood what was happening long before the Daily Prophet began their war correspondence.

That being said, Andromeda also knows of the ambition of man in general. Whispers of a vigilante group were met with indifference at first, she was ( perhaps misguidedly ) indignant at the idea of a select few taking matters into their own hands, let alone the rumors that some were being recruited right out of school? Her opinion on the group as a whole has only slightly softened since a few loved ones got involved, most notably Sirius and now Ted. Accepting the reality of the threat they are faced with comes with the ( somewhat begrudging ) acceptance compromises must be made.

SURVIVAL:

To put it bluntly, survival is everything to Andromeda. Above all else she is a true Slytherin and will do whatever it takes to survive, the caveat being that this extends to her family. Andromeda, though certainly affected by her upbringing in prejudice and violent bigotry, has not been indoctrinated in the same way. However, a certain edge to her allows for more than a few people to draw the direct line of understanding she is cut of the same cloth as Bellatrix Lestrange. While Bella found herself perverted past recognition to her devotion to the cause and her “master”, Andromeda made conscientious decisions to be as self-possessed as possible. This includes a willingness to play coy with the war effort that stands to protect her way of life.

Because, and this is very important, Andromeda thinks herself above it. She does not always draw a direct correlation to the suffering of others to what could become of her, because in Andromeda’s mind she will simply not allow it to happen. She knows she will be ruthless when it comes down to it, and tries to maintain a certain amount of plausible deniability when it comes to moments in which she is directly associated with the war.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Ted is, above everything else, the love of her life. She would have moved them to another country if she had her way but they settled on a cottage by the coast. They have fundamental disagreements and while there are times when he is met with exasperation on her end Andromeda has always liked the challenge he presented to her. A certain recklessness to give himself over to a cause rather than be content with the life they have stolen away offers a host of issues she would rather avoid; and it is in part due to this reasoning she doesn’t always share her own passing along of details. Ultimately, however, everything Dromeda does is for Ted, for their family.

Andromeda carries with her an adolescence of her family’s social engineering, which means she has connections in various places ( some she isn’t the quickest to acknowledge ). I think she finds herself drawn to the other members of her family who have been disowned, or even the women around her year who she recognized herself in. Which is to say nothing of the particular status she has achieved as an Unspeakable. Indifferent to status ( possibly as a result of it always being given to her ), Drom certainly knows how to use it.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I am a huge sucker for Tedromeda, to be perfectly honest. But at the end of the day I will write with wherever there is chemistry and am always looking for fun avenues to explore!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?:

There is a lifetime of prejudice which Andromeda needs to consistently unpack and confront ( and, as is the way of someone who grew up as incredibly privileged as she did, she is not always willing to do the work ). In many ways, hers is the story of triumph of love over the built-in bigotry that poisoned her home. In practice, it is much trickier. For as much as Andromeda knows what her family is now, there are still fond memories she holds dear. For all the horrors she knows that have been perpetrated in the name of purity, she often finds herself subject to the conditioning she was raised on.

Andromeda was taught, young and often, through the various state-sanctioned ( and family approved ) propaganda pieces to fear and resent anything that would be seen to be an outside, infiltrating force. She does attempt to give her daughter a more objective education of the world around them, though this is made increasingly difficult with the way the war seems to be going. Fear does things to people, she knows more than most, but there is a lack of malice in her heart.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?:

Honestly, I’ve been keeping my eye on this roleplay for some time and the stars just aligned in terms of my schedule opening up and a role that I wanted to play around with! Andromeda is fascinating to me because of all her contradictions, as well as a major resistance to actively take part in a war which she could potentially play a role in. I think the natural tension between her and former family members could also lead to a very interesting dynamic as we move forward!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

I am open to going with the flow and love organically plotting, but I think Andromeda’s position at the Ministry / her being an informant to the Order could really challenge her laissez faire attitude when it comes to the war in general. Along with the building tension she has in her own home, and her desire to keep her family safe above anything else, it would be interesting to explore the boiling point of where that all comes to a head. Passivity has no place when she has a husband actively partaking in the war effort, and when the outcome could potentially call into question his safety she might have to fully establish herself as a combatant against what she was raised in.

ANYTHING ELSE? I don’t think so!

#homenumaccepted #harry potter rpg #hp rpg #marauders rp #marauders rpg

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togglesbloggle · 4 years

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I really enjoyed your post on Platonism the other day. I'm wondering if you have comments on how the eye of the beholder relates to beauty & "right" form. E.g., experience tells me it's not impossible to cultivate a recognition of beauty that feels consistent between looking at a one-winged bird and a two-winged one; to imprint a sense of "rightness" on a specific "wrong" phenomenon, and Ive never heard anyone discuss the role of willpower in beauty, esp. in terms of Platonism, before.

Thanks for the kind words! I continue to emphasize that I understand Platonism mostly from the outside, and that primary sources are probably a superior option if you can find some that speak your personal language- but I also really like compliments, so I’ll keep feeding this beast. ^_^ The intersection of willpower and beauty is really going to depend on the specific mode of Platonism that you’re engaged with. Christianity, Neoplatonism, and Platonism Original Flavor (tm) are all things that I’m at least passably familiar with, and it tends to be a hotly contested zone just because it’s so deeply related to moral culpability, and the kind of ‘ought’ statements that political and social leaders like to control.

When Mr. Thicc himself was writing all this down, he described humans as being quite flexible and impressionable in their aesthetics; if you read the Republic, he’s intensely preoccupied with precisely the question of how to cultivate a specific sense of beauty. He’s willing to make a lot of compromises to get the kind of aesthetic sense that he wants, up to oppressive censorship and even outright lies. Human beings are (observably) quite flighty, and so he advocated some fairly extreme measures to keep their appreciation of beauty aligned with The Actual Good Thing. This is also were we get the notion of Platonic love, the hope that erotic and romantic fixation could be transmuted by degrees to a (necessarily asexual) orientation towards The Fundamentally Real. It also, incidentally, got him to argue for gender equality millennia ahead of schedule.

One motivation for this is that, for Plato, the interlude between birth and death is... this is going to be a funny analogy, but in essence, a kind of really long Netflix binge. In everyday experience, stories and games are a simulated and less interesting type of reality than our actual world, and obsession with them to the detriment of our ‘real life’ is to be avoided. Now, assume for the moment that my last post was just fully correct- our world, the one we ordinarily consider real, has basically the same relationship to some more Formal, coherent, and realer mode of reality that our Netflix shows have to ours. In that case, to get too wrapped up in the ‘real world’ of phenomena, paying no mind to the Forms that they reflect, is precisely the same kind of mistake as getting so obsessed with media consumption that you skip meals.

(This is especially true for, and maybe contingent on, the soul being immortal and not particularly obliged to hang out in the meat. I’m just skipping lightly over that for now.)

But as much as Plato thought of this as a failure mode, it’s worth pointing out that preoccupation with the phenomenal world wasn’t ‘sin’ in the Christian sense. Really, your punishment for caring about the material world was just that you have to live through it- something that we can all appreciate in 2020, I’m sure. But if the world does have a center, then beauty really does have a sort of natural orientation. Even if you don’t buy the immortality of the soul, then it makes sense to deliberately cultivate a sensitivity to that capital-B Beauty, if only out of self interest; it is, after all, the precondition of anything subsidiary that you might care about.

So I guess the classical tradition would almost reverse your question- it’s less about “hey, can I enjoy a sense of beauty for arbitrary things?” (”Yes, frustratingly easy!”, they cry), and more “how the heck do we start reliably caring about non-arbitrary things!?” And answering that latter question is, more or less, what Plato would call the pursuit of virtue.

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fire-fira · 4 years

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Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 2: Coming To Terms

(This is probably going to get wordy as heck.)

First time I heard terms around being nonbinary or about there being more than two genders:

Whoooooo boy. Okay, so the first time I heard terms for it was sometime in my teens (because yay, the now dated af documentary [Middle Sexes]-- dear gods, I had to be around 18 or 19 even though it feels like I saw it when I was way younger, more around 13, smh). First time I was aware of there being more than two genders though... That was back when I was 4. I didn’t have the words for it back then beyond ‘I know I’m not a girl. So does that make me a boy? ...Noooooo, I’m not that either.’ (Not that I was saying that to anyone around me, because no one asked.)

When and how I realized I was nonbinary:

LOL

Like I said with the first question, I knew I was nonbinary when I was 4. (I’m an allistic hyperlexic and I was WAY too smart for my own good as a little kid. I was thinking through cause-and-effect when I was 4 and reading at a college level in first grade. So me going through that whole ‘Why are they calling me that? That’s weird and isn’t right, I’m not a girl. Okay, if I’m not a girl does that mean I’m a boy? ...Noooooo, I’m not that either’ string of logic at that age was entirely on brand for me.)

Something else that was entirely on brand for me at that age was looking at the world around me and not seeing any examples of what I knew I was and immediately coming to the conclusion that if I told anyone I wasn’t a girl or a boy that they’d think I was insane and have me committed to an asylum and I’d never be let out. Not fun times. (Though hilariously enough, that same logic I had as a kid also came to the conclusion that since I wasn’t a girl or a boy that it was impossible for me to be straight. Yes, I seriously thought out that sort of crud and came to that conclusion as a kid. And considering I’m aroace turns out I was right-- though obviously not for the reasons I thought back then. lol)

Though the first time I saw an example of anything in fiction that said ‘that’s what I am’ in terms of my gender to little me was when I was 5 and saw the anime Dominion Tank Police for the first time. (The character didn’t even have any lines and was unconscious in a sort of stasis, and then wasn’t even on screen for long. Pretty sad if you think about it, but 5-year-old me was enthralled by the idea of seeing a character like me when I didn’t think that was possible.)

Second example of a character in fiction that read as nonbinary to me was way back in 1st grade and it was a book on tape. I can’t remember the title or the author (infuriatingly enough), but I do remember that the main character (named X) was able to mentally jump from one person to another and ‘inhabit’ them without anyone knowing they were there ‘controlling’ the person’s actions, and that X’s pronouns shifted with whoever they were temporarily inhabiting. (Little me both was and wasn’t envious of the idea. On one hand, being able to switch around like that would have been nice; on the other hand, never being seen as me and only as other people is something that I found unnerving, and still do.)

Did I ever consider being a label other than the one I identify with, and what was the process of finding my gender like?:

From ages 4 to 18 there was a TON of me not saying outright what I was, but also trying to be read as nonbinary as possible. I was so painfully obvious about being nonbinary that it was like a rhinoceros wearing a tutu and a tiara and trying to hide behind a 1 ft tall bush and claim it was a ballerina. No one was buying it. But since most people around me didn’t have the mental framework to even conceive of anyone nonbinary, there was a lot of me freaking people out because they could tell I was ‘weird’ but they couldn’t put into words or place how I was ‘weird’.

I tried to figure out terms back in junior high to early high school, but the ones back then didn’t really stick. (They were way too caught up in my aroace-ness too, and just didn’t feel right. I let go of the two terms I thought up back then because they also felt kind of pretentious to me and I didn’t like that feeling.)

I came to third-gender as the term that just felt right when I was 22 or 23 thanks to self-education and finding Will Roscoe’s [Changing Ones]. (And damned if my mixed-race Native ass wasn’t relieved to know that a lot of NDN cultures recognize(d) people like me for who we are/were. And yeah, I know there are some things in that book that are questionable, but at the time it was what I needed.)

For a while in my early-to-mid 20s I considered identifying as genderqueer, but I couldn’t pin down the definition for it in my head and that made me uncomfortable-- and with the fact that one of the possible definitions is ‘a person not identifying with socially constructed gender roles’ (which can apply to some cis people), I felt like it wasn’t clear enough in stating that I am not a woman or man. So I ditched it pretty quickly.

I also had a brief stint in my early 20s of wondering if I was intersex and had been operated on before I fully grasped the concept that anatomy =/= gender. (I might or might not be, genetics and biology is weird and complicated and I don’t really care, though as far as I’m aware I’m not.)

Calling myself nonbinary more generally clicked into place when I was about 25.

I’ve vaguely considered Two Spirit, but 1) I don’t feel like I have a right to that term without someone else Native saying that I am (for complicated personal reasons), and 2) part of me feels it’s not quite as specific as I’d prefer for my own self-description.

Have I come out to anyone else? Who?:

AHAHAHAHAAAAAA-- I started coming out more openly in my early 20s and I never freaking looked back.

First person I actually came out to (in that complicated ‘I’m not a girl or guy’ way) was the school counselor for my grade on the last day of my senior year of high school. Talk about dropping an info bomb and running.

First person in my family I came out to was a cousin who I’m not close to (and has serious issues, which I’m hoping she’ll eventually get better from), and even though I haven’t seen her in years (she kind of burned all bridges with our family) my fiance’s seen her around recently and has told me that my cousin used the right pronouns for me. Honestly didn’t expect that when at least two (loud) members of my family won’t even give me that respect.

My family knows, all my friends know, back when I was in college I made it a point to come out on the first day of classes every class, and I make it a point to come out if I’m going to be interacting with anyone for an extended period of time rather than just a few minutes. Why? Because I am still PAINFULLY FREAKING OBVIOUS, and if I tell people right off the bat then they’re able to get over the internal ‘OMG THAT PERSON’S WEIRD! BUT HOWWWW????????’ pretty quickly instead of freaking out over trying to pick apart why I trip their sense of ‘this person is strange’.

If you’re not out, are you planning to come out? Is being out important to you?:

I am SO thoroughly out.

I cannot and WILL NOT go back to lying about who I am. I was so damn miserable before I stopped lying and trying to hide that I’m an enby. No one can pay me enough to ever willingly go back to that.

And again, I’m painfully obvious. I can’t hide, even if people have the biggest cis-normative goggles on, because my behavior, personality, intonation, and body language-- everything of who I am-- gives me away. It’s honestly safer for me to be upfront about my gender than it is to try to hide it, because if I’m going to be tripping wires for people anyway then I may as well give them the framework to understand it so they don’t stress and obsess over it to the point of either ostracizing me or being outright hostile. (Yes, that’s happened to me a lot in my life.)

Plus my being so blatantly out has helped a bunch of other people where I live come to terms with the fact that they’re enbies too. And there is no way in hell I will ever regret having helped others have the confidence to be who they are.

#NBWeek #Nonbinary Awareness Week #NonbinaryAwarenessWeek #nonbinary #non-binary #my life #long post #I need to reblog the prompt thing again #and probably the individual prompt posts

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anniekoh · 5 years

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I just finished reading Doing Harm, I was already grouchy yesterday and correctly anticipated that I would be furious after reading the book. I can’t immediately locate my notes from Inferior, but recall similar sense of wtf.

All women, and all diseases suffered primarily by women have a “legitimacy deficit” (Dusenbery is citing Joanna Kempner’s Not Tonight: Migraine and the Politics of Gender and Health).

“A 1971 gynecology text warned that “many women, wittingly or unwittingly, exaggerate the severity of their complaints to gratify neurotic desires” (p 71).

I should dig up the article that discussed how alternative health gurus, like those charlatans promoted by GOOP, find traction because so many women have been dismissed and belittled and generally ill-served by the American health care system, even wealthy white women.

I’m immensely sympathetic to many scientists’ frustration with how blithely research data is dismissed (the rise of anti-vax sentiments), but I have rarely seen any willingness to acknowledge the immense harms that capital S Science has inflicted on women’s bodies, and the very gendered, misogynist flavor of many comments that mock people who are concerned about GMOs, chemical exposure, and yes, vaccines.

Dusenbery does a great job of synthesizing the studies of the medical/drug studies. There is a truly abysmal rate of actually including women as study participants, partly due obsession with excluding women of “childbearing age” lest they somehow risk their baby-making purpose in life (never mind if they shout to the heavens that they are happy lesbians or nuns or just have no risk of becoming pregnant). I

Dusenbery has a truly fantastic bibliography, bringing forth nuggets of wtf and OMG from articles and books published 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago.

My list of monographs I want to read has grown by at least 10 books,

As feminist disability scholar Susan Wendell, reviewing the epidemiological research on somatoform disorders, wrote in 1999, “It seems a remarkable coincidence that men of higher socioeconomic backgrounds from the developed Western countries are, in all the world, the people least likely to ‘somatize,’ given that they also happen to be the people who are accorded the most believability and authority in Western scientific settings.” (p 82)

Of course women of color, especially black women, and poor women are seen as the least reliable.

The sheer preponderance of studies showing how gender influences doctors’ perceptions is cause for reconsideration of how my own internalized biases are at work in my ill-informed sense that at least some auto-immune diseases must be psychogenic.

“Doctors think that men have heart attacks and women have stress.” A study of 230 doctors showed that a simple note in a patient’s file about a stressful event resulted in much different treatment for a hypothetical man and a woman (identical symptoms/risk factors):

Only 15 percent of the doctors diagnosed heart disease in the woman, compared to 56 percent for the man, and only 30 percent referred the woman to a cardiologist, compared to 62 percent for the man.... The presence of stress, the researchers explained, seemed to spark a “meaning shift” in which women’s physical symptoms were reinterpreted as psychological, while “men’s symptoms were perceived as organic whether or not stressors were present.” The male patient’s stress not only didn’t detract from a heart disease diagnosis but actually seemed to support it. (p 112)

Doing Harm: The Truth About How Bad Medicine and Lazy Science Leave Women Dismissed, Misdiagnosed, and Sick Maya Dusenbery (2018)

Editor of the award-winning site Feministing.com, Maya Dusenbery brings together scientific and sociological research, interviews with doctors and researchers, and personal stories from women across the country to provide the first comprehensive, accessible look at how sexism in medicine harms women today.

In Doing Harm, Dusenbery explores the deep, systemic problems that underlie women's experiences of feeling dismissed by the medical system. Women have been discharged from the emergency room mid-heart attack with a prescription for anti-anxiety meds, while others with autoimmune diseases have been labeled "chronic complainers" for years before being properly diagnosed. Women with endometriosis have been told they are just overreacting to "normal" menstrual cramps, while still others have "contested" illnesses like chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia that, dogged by psychosomatic suspicions, have yet to be fully accepted as "real" diseases by the whole of the profession.

Inferior: How Science Got Women Wrong - and the New Research That's Rewriting the Story Angela Saini (2017)

For hundreds of years it was common sense: women were the inferior sex. Their bodies were weaker, their minds feebler, their role subservient. No less a scientist than Charles Darwin asserted that women were at a lower stage of evolution, and for decades, scientists—most of them male, of course—claimed to find evidence to support this. Whether looking at intelligence or emotion, cognition or behavior, science has continued to tell us that men and women are fundamentally different. Biologists claim that women are better suited to raising families or are, more gently, uniquely empathetic. Men, on the other hand, continue to be described as excelling at tasks that require logic, spatial reasoning, and motor skills. But a huge wave of research is now revealing an alternative version of what we thought we knew. The new woman revealed by this scientific data is as strong, strategic, and smart as anyone else.

In Inferior, acclaimed science writer Angela Saini weaves together a fascinating—and sorely necessary—new science of women. As Saini takes readers on a journey to uncover science’s failure to understand women, she finds that we’re still living with the legacy of an establishment that’s just beginning to recover from centuries of entrenched exclusion and prejudice. Sexist assumptions are stubbornly persistent: even in recent years, researchers have insisted that women are choosy and monogamous while men are naturally promiscuous, or that the way men’s and women’s brains are wired confirms long-discredited gender stereotypes. As Saini reveals, however, groundbreaking research is finally rediscovering women’s bodies and minds. Inferior investigates the gender wars in biology, psychology, and anthropology, and delves into cutting-edge scientific studies to uncover a fascinating new portrait of women’s brains, bodies, and role in human evolution. Angela Saini is an independent British science journalist and author of two acclaimed books. She presents science programmes on BBC Radio

#science #sexism #medicine #feminism #gender discrimination #to read

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arcanalogue · 6 years

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Thelem-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Due to strictly enforced gender norms, I wasn’t allowed to be obsessed with the original She-Ra cartoon. I could play with a friend’s sister’s She-Ra toy, but I never dared ask for my own.

That’s partly why Netflix’s remake She-Ra and the Princesses of Power means so much to me. Not only is it a version I can can openly discover and geek out over, but the characters’ wide range of age, gender expression and body type makes the fantasy realm of Etheria into a playground for the imagination -- one makes fans like me feel specifically included, even if it’s mainly aiming to entertain kids.

Any storytelling that draws from mystical currents will end up echoing familiar tropes and ideas from our own world. Attempts to portray existing magickal practices accurately almost always disappoint, as they did in Netflix’s other “princess of power” story, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (which is really entertaining nevertheless).

Isn’t it funny how the stories which offer up a wealth of artistic inspiration for magic often prove more durable than those depicting “real-life” magic use? The more abstract the characters’ powers are, the more possibilities we see in exploring them ourselves, and the more permission we feel to make something truly our own.

In the new She-Ra’s case (and in similar shows, like Steven Universe), magic is married to technology in a way that kids watching today will intrinsically understand, aligning neatly with post-modern chaos magick traditions.

In terms of old-school stuff, the Princesses’ magic is elemental in nature -- an expression of the soul of their homeworld, and a tool for regulating planetary harmony. The show departs from the classical elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water, etc., which is fine, because their planet is not our planet, and its properties are still being revealed... to the characters, as well as to us.

But let’s not overlook that the very idea of “Princesses of Power” is old-school, and has a deep footprint in the history of tarot -- particularly the one crafted by the Dark Lord himself, Aleister Crowley.

Before Crowley’s Thoth deck, the tarot’s court cards historically consisted of King, Queen, Knight, and Page -- a total sausage-fest, though Pamela Colman Smith brought out a wonderful androgyny in her illustration of the Pages (and in many of her deck’s other figures), which seems to even out the gender spectrum a bit, and is partly why the deck remains appealing to new users over a century later.

Conceived in the 1930s, Crowley’s court consists of a Knight, a Queen, a Prince, and a Princess. This “modern” twist must have seemed terribly progressive at the time, dethroning the King and elevating the court’s lowest ranking member (a page is just a humble servant of the royal court), consecrating that role as female.

You could write an entire book about the gender problems in Thelema (the religion founded by Crowley, which remains popular today). In fact, that book probably exists already, and contemporary Thelemites are continually exploring and re-examining the way our evolving social and scientific views of gender mesh with their religion’s core beliefs.

For now, all that’s important is that Crowley took a humble servant and elevated her to a PRINCESS OF POWER.

The four roles in the tarot’s court each correspond to a different classical element, the Page/Princess’s being Earth. And each of these four earthy figures is herself an expression of the classical elements: Fire of Earth (Wands), Water of Earth (Cups), Air of Earth (Swords), and Earth of Earth (Pentacles, or in Crowley’s case, Disks).

Exploring these cards in an earlier lesson, I wrote:

“The Page’s defining quality is not sex but immaturity, a word which inspires unnecessarily negative associations. Let’s not forget the raw potential we find in the young and/or untested, or the curiosity and vivacity they may bring to their work. As such, each of the four Pages represents a latent untamed force for change.”

What I love about Lady Frieda Harris’s illustrations in the Thoth deck is that the Princesses are all portrayed as doing something. These images could be pulled from the opening credits of She-Ra.

Think about that: she drew them as superheroes. The 1930s were the period when these kinds of heroes began to proliferate in comics, and Superman himself debuted in 1938 -- the same year Crowley and Harris began working on the Thoth deck.

Like She-Ra’s heroines, our tarot Princesses owe all their strength (as well as their weakness) to their signature elements, though in Crowley’s world there is a clear elemental hierarchy, due to spiritual ideas imparted by Western esotericism. As such, the Princess of Disks (Earth of Earth) sits at the bottom of the totem pole.

This kind of hierarchical thinking (and binary gender) is exactly what drives many people away from traditional forms of magick. I sympathize, and agree that we should never stop challenging these ideas.

However, what really we see in the Thoth deck is a setup for an archetypal story in which the low are made high; in which Princesses serve as the catalyst for changes that transform reality itself.

Just like Ace -- the lowest number in the minor arcana, but a symbol of tremendous power -- the Princess represents a place to build upward and outward from. Though she mirrors the queen in her gender, it’s the King/Knight she reflects in her agency and authority.

“The Princess is the throne of her Ace,” observes Thelemic teacher and author Lon Milo Duquette. In his book The Chicken Qabalah, he writes at length about the importance of Princesses: “They are positioned at the lowest end of our elemental universe, but they also embody the foundation of our universe.”

Awakening and exploring our Princess nature will gradually help us “escape the prison of matter” and “live in the bliss of the highest world.”

He even presents a diagram that shows how you can use the Princess and Ace-through-Ten cards to divide up the globe -- a handy tool for readings involving a geographical component.

In the Netflix show, Adora is offered a very similar view of her world by First-Ones avatar Light Hope, who reveals how the Princesses -- each an expression of their respective element -- are all interconnected as regulators of Etheria’s holistic balance.

Of course, this is just an abstract diagram of Etheria’s actual geography. Entrapta’s model in the same scene shows that these centers of power are just as unevenly dispersed on Etheria as they are on our own planet.

Duquette’s book offers a qabalistic Creation myth based on these feudal archetypes, which may explain why royal figures still play such a prominent role in our storytelling.

“The you that you think is you is not you,” he explains. “It is a dream you. In fact, the you that you think is you is a dreamer inside a dreamer inside a dreamer inside a dreamer. You are the King of the universe, who has fallen asleep and is dreaming he is the Queen, who has fallen asleep and is dreaming she is the Prince, who has fallen asleep and is dreaming he is a sleeping princess.”

In Duquette’s fairytale of Creation, the Prince and Princess are twins birthed by the Queen -- different in sex, but alike in power. HELLO PEOPLE, this is the exact premise of the original She-Ra cartoon.

Within the new show, we see the struggle of a world straining to evolve in two opposing directions.

The Fright Zone is a technocratic military junta which only managed to come into power via political exploitation, capturing the Black Garnet runestone from the family of Scorpia, Etheria’s last “slumbering” princess.

One could compare the Fright Zone’s hierarchy to that of the classic Rider-Waite-Smith court cards, in which Hordak serves as King, Shadow Weaver as Lord, Force Captains are Knights, and all the the various wanna-be’s (including Adora and Catra in the first episode), servants, robots, and various scavengers remain in the Peasant class.

It’s not clear yet how the rest of Etheria is governed. It bucks this traditional structure, resulting in a lumpy sort of meritocracy in which those with the most magical power wield the most influence, but rulers are mainly tasked with maintaining harmony and protecting their subjects against external invasion. There’s evidence of a soldier class, but the “lowest” citizens we encounter are shown existing peacefully in (apparently) self-governing tribal cultures. They don’t serve the Princesses, they simply enjoy the freedom afforded to them by the Princesses’ rule. People live for love, for pleasure, for adventure, and/or the pursuit of intellectual aims.

(The only exception seems to be Entrapta, the Silicon Valley tech-bro stand-in who presides over her own servant class of attendants and robots. And it’s worth mentioning that she’s also the only Princess whose power isn’t anchored to an elemental source.)

In this sense, Etheria is an impressive embodiment of Thoth deck court structure, populated by Queens, industrious “princes” like Bow and SeaHawk, and true Princesses -- “Every man and every woman is a star,” with plenty of room to accommodate those who present neither as fully male or female, those with magical powers and those without.

But if you’ve already read this far, let’s take this one step even further and look at how SHE-RA IS ALSO A KNIGHT.

That’s right, you heard me: everything that Adora symbolizes as Princess, She-Ra articulates as a Knight. She even gets a horse! And a sword, and a shield! Note that Adora hasn’t really changed: she was a Knight in Hordak’s world also. She has simply relocated from one symbolic reality to another -- a more Thelemic one, in which Knights are kings. Thus, as She-Ra, she becomes Hordak’s symbolic equal.

And note that Noelle Stevenson’s re-imagining of the series is entitled “She-Ra and the Princesses of Power,” as opposed to the original title “She-Ra: Princess of Power.” She is of their ilk, but different. As Perfuma might say: “She is the She-Ra.”

Symbolically, Adora contains all the elemental potential of a Princess who must still evolve and struggle to awaken. She-Ra, however, is the elemental Fire that awaits on the other side -- the King who dreams he is a Queen, who dreams she is a Prince, who dreams he is a Princess. We know from Light Hope that She-Ra’s lineage extends thousands of years. She is not a person, she’s a function -- and that function is to protect Etheria by transforming reality.

In other words: Adora’s glorious transformation into She-Ra is a microcosm of Etheria’s transformation, which She-Ra herself was created to oversee.

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In this way, the series bears the greatest resemblance to Alan Moore’s tremendous graphic novel Promethea, which tells the story of an ordinary young woman named Sophie who discovers she’s the latest incarnation of a mythical “science heroine” -- who may or may not have been created to usher in the Apocalypse. And she is guided in this process by other Prometheas, who represent an interesting range of ethnicities, body types, and genders.

Sophie’s exploration of her own newfound identity sends her on an odyssey that matches many beats in Adora’s. What are the limits of her new powers? How can she learn to transform at will? What dangers will this confer on her loved ones? Which parts of her belong to Sophie, and which to Promethea?

These are classic superhero problems, but Sophie’s quest is one that’s specifically designed to transform the reader as well: Moore has crafted a story that also serves as a primer for modern occult traditions, including tarot cards.

While Moore looks beyond Thelema, the works of Aleister Crowley remain a key influence -- the horny old magician even appears as a recurring character, in a handful of cheeky cameo roles.

Like She-Ra, Promethea points to the golden thread of continuity linking the individual and the divine. That’s a birthright that even the humblest, most overlooked person shares with the rest of humanity, but our world’s prevailing powers do everything they can to conceal that truth. Our own senses play tricks on us as well, supporting a view of the world in which we remain small and powerless, in which our lives, our suffering, our deaths, mean nothing.

The artists mentioned in this post -- Smith, Crowley, Duquette, Harris, Moore, Stevenson -- might not agree on everything, but they share the same quest: to awaken all these slumbering princesses. That includes you, dear reader. Wake up, your kingdom needs you!

Our language has another word for this sacred process: animation.

This is why you shouldn’t feel silly enjoying She-Ra or any other fantasy, at any age. This is why little girls shouldn’t be discouraged from play-acting as princesses (and neither should little boys). Society can only stand to improve from humans exploring their Princess powers. Many of these magical abilities will prove to be connected to life-saving (perhaps even civilization-saving) advantages further down the road. Magic is real, and we all stand to benefit from it.

“The clothes you're wearing, the room, the house, the city that you're in. Everything in it started out in the human imagination,” Moore writes in Promethea. “Your lives, your personalities, your whole world. All invented. All made up. All the wars, the romances. The masterpieces and the machines. And there's nothing here but a funny little twist of amino acids, playing a marvelous game of pretend.”

For the honor of Grayskull, it’s time to conduct yourself accordingly.

Have a tarot reading request or tarot-related question for Arcanalogue? Ask here. Tips accepted (but not required) via Venmo, @arcanalogue. Or support my Patreon? I’d love that.

#she ra #she ra netflix #thelema #aleister crowley #tarot #tarot cards #promethea #alan moore #she-ra

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andysnorwayaffairs · 5 years

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Final Project

Pt 1; a perfect ending. feeling a rush of shared excitement - finally! just like me!

warmth, embraced, a queer kind of friendship. we sat in the grass and talked about how our lives were growing up, how our queerness was realized and how it affected the way we walk in the world. our stories are so similar yet so, so different. miles and miles of time away, you announce to your friends that you’re probably maybe gay. you start a spark in their minds, and soon after you’re deemed the trail blazer of coming out. you are brave, do you know it? you were the person who i wished for. so desperate for approval from others, and not meeting anyone like you, i took it upon myself to starve my queerness, the differentness, the part of me that i knew i could definitely be hated for. and i can’t stand the thought of being hated. and a part of me hated myself for who i was. i was taught that i couldn’t love like that, that it wasn’t *real*, that anything other than normal is impossible, wrong, destructive. so i listened, and i believed them. not completely, that is also true. that’s why i never stopped immersing myself in online queer culture, why i desperately searched for any sign of queerness in the online personas i followed and in the fiction that i read. we talked about this too, how we’d entrench ourselves in media and later realize that we were part of the group we were so obsessed with. finally... just like me

you opened your heart so quickly - your friends, they tell me that they’re so happy that you’ve met me. you open a window into your life and lend a hand to help me hop in. i see how you love others, and how they love you. we run through the lawn of a backyard riddled with ripe fruit and laugh like children at how sweet the juice is. we share a meal and spend hours talking about nothing and everything. i sometimes stop and listen to the chatter, and i feel complete warmth even when i cannot understand what is being said. we read the cards i brought and i learn how each of you sees love. i see the way you interact with your loved ones, the way you so deeply care to spend time with them. letting go, giggling in giddy joy, acting like absolute fools. finally, just like me

cried a farewell last night

thank you for offering me a bizarre, unfair amount of kindness

thank you for showing me a glimpse of your life, your entire world

thank you for extending a hand in friendship, in solidarity

thank you for being my friend

I feel like my time here, my glimpse into another person’s life, feels like a glimpse into an alternate timeline. A timeline in which I accepted myself from the beginning. A timeline in which I told a friend about my crush on Jen from Buzzfeed. A timeline when I refused to normalize myself, refused to uphold the boundaries that were unfairly placed on me. A timeline when I was brave. A timeline when I stopped being so damn scared. A timeline when I realized that my friends would still stay friends with me, and those who didn’t want to, I should let go of anyways. There will always be people who don’t match up with your values, your energies, your being. I won’t lie to myself and say that it wouldn’t hurt like a bitch, but it’s a hard fact of life that homophobes, transphobes, racists, xenophobes, ie bigots exist and there will be always be bullies and people who don’t care about you, who WANT to put you down, who want to hurt you. In a world of power, there will be those with some and those without. I was given a small window into my friend’s life and saw a life pathway built around friendships who learn and grow right alongside you. I’ve always thought about that – what if? What if I let go earlier? In my timeline, the forces around me were not as kind to me. I was told queerness was ugly, so utterly upside down. I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise. Perhaps if I had a positive role model to tell me that it WAS okay, that it was beautiful and wonderful. Perhaps if I had a friend like them in my life who was the first to come out and encouraged others by simply living their life the way THEY want to, perhaps I would have had the courage to do so earlier. I can’t change the past.

But I can think about how the events of my past shaped my present, and how my present shapes my future. Thank God - I DID let go! There’s no race to live your truth, but oh god it feels so good to do it NOW. I’m so thankful that I found the bravery these people I know now have embraced so many years ago. I feel like my own person, like an entire human soul. I don’t feel the need to please anyone. This queer experience, of finding yourself and maybe even fearing yourself, but, ultimately, coming to love yourself despite dominant society failing you, that is a queer experience. Regardless of any experience, something we all share is having to live in a world that ultimately does not accept us, does not want us.

An ode to knowing that although things are different here, and that there’s no possible way that I could have had a similar timeline just simply because of how different our spheres and worlds are... despite this, despite the fear and self hate and internal violence I was forced into because of the life I was born into, despite all of this, I was still able to find myself and love myself and find others who love me for my whole humanness.

There’s a lot of work to be done in the world, for our lives and our safety and our happiness. I think the friends I’ve met here are doing that work. Through their love for each other and thus their refusal to conform, to stay quiet, to accept the norms in place.

Meeting this special friend may have been completely chance, but I believe fate had a little bit to do with it too. To give me this window, to let me see what beauty it is to allow a person to be themselves. The sooner, the better.

____ DISCUSSION

Pt 3:

It’s funny to see how these ppl’s reflections of their lives fit in line with exactly what we discussed through our readings and class discussions. Norway may be progressive in law, but not necessarily in practice. Each of the queer people I asked this about, or asked them to speak about their queer experience, expressed frustration at there not being much of a strong queer community here, and how they still experienced everyday oppression (you may call these micro aggressions).

Nordic model of inclusion + welfare, making this a space where it is looked down upon to discriminate for someone’s sexuality

A different relationship to Christianity

In the U.S., I grew up in a heavily queerphobic, heavily strict and monitored environment where I was even monitoring myself, reprimanding myself for all of the gay content I was consuming but allowing myself to keep doing it because I was “outside” of the community and thus could not be associated with it or have to think of the consequences.

In middle school I was fully aware that I had strong crushes on gay female celebrities but was petrified of sharing that information with anyone.

I shut myself down immediately, but continued to consume gay, lgbt, and trans media for years and years after, allowing myself to do this because I could convince myself that I was just “a straight girl” who was a big fan of the community.

After coming to college and experiencing true freedom from the expectations and values placed on me, it took me less than three days to come to the realization that I was in fact, extremely not straight. It took me 6 more months to fully feel comfortable admitting to myself and claiming the label that I was gay. It took me another year to “come out” to all of my friends and folx I really cared about.

-talk about how this is a divide between my experience and the experiences of the friends I made here. L & their friends came out when they were extremely young, in middle school actually. Our timelines diverge here.

Only recently, I began to make friends on the shared experience of our queerness. Meeting my close friends now, sharing intimate + tender moments. Loving each other and supporting one another the way family might do. A queer kind of love shared in these emotional bonds. A kind of love I had not experienced before my full acceptance and life as a queer person. Tender, radical love.

Meeting L, sharing on our experience of being queer and trans. And not to say that their life in Norway is so much better. The Nordic model may allow for some general acceptance, but queerphobia still has its roots in other malicious ways. Many of L’s friends still don’t use their pronouns. A is called the slur version of the word lesbian, and she recognizes that being a lesbian is not favorable to society. She wants to be a prof of gender studies at her uni but told me that since there is already one queer person on staff, she’ll never be hired on.

M telling me about how even tho queer ppl are accepted on the outside, and in the law, in practice, not so much.

-A telling me that people hate lesbians

-in Norwegian, the word for lesbian is also really similar to the slur, “fucking lesbian”

CONNECTION TO THE FIRST ARTICLE WE READ

Norway’s state feminism and inclusion of queerness is heteronormative, only assimilating those that fit into the family, hetero model (thinking to naked sculpture park, extremely family oriented)

Same sex has to still be straight – family, private, culturally straight.

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coalessscence · 5 years

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one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:

someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx

when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.

when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.

god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip

when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever t a u g h t h i m a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family

surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”

the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great

LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.

did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”

don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?” ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?” ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?” ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB

herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now

ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally n e v e r home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk

#✘ hi gorgeous | MUSE (herb)#✘ h.t. is in for the duration | HEADCANONS (herb)#✘ sales manager not so extraordinaire | ABOUT (herb)#⌲ o o c

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preevelynn-blog · 5 years

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ManyVids Interview

Tell us about your cult:

I am the High Priestess of the Cult of Yith. We are a cult that is dedicated to learning all there is about consensual sexual perversion and deviancy. We accept every kind of gender identity and expression and sexuality. The main goal of our cult is to collectively have as many different kinds of sex and orgasms as possible for the sake of knowledge. We only condone fully consensual sexual interactions and fully condemn any kind of nonconsensual sexual act. The Yithians collect data on all the different kinds of sexual activities that our cult members are a part of and they add it to their grand libraries that hold knowledge from infinite places and times.

The Yithians are a species of highly evolved extraterrestrial (and sometimes terrestrial) beings who can swap their consciousness with individual creatures through not only space, but also time. A Yithian living on prehistoric planet earth could potentially swap bodies with Genghis Khan, or Abraham Lincoln, or a random person living in the year 2045. They can swap their consciousness with creatures and beings from anywhere in the universe at any time. This is how I first came into contact with them. They must have taken control of my body in the past because I now exist in strange dreams that involve them. I understand that all they seek is knowledge and I’ve always seen knowledge as power, so I’ve created the Cult of Yith to use my own talents as a sexual deviant to help the Yithians gain knowledge about human sexuality. It’s very convoluted, I know. The bottom line is that if you join the Cult of Yith and you have interesting, fun, consensual, and unique sex eventually when the Yithians come back to Earth and claim their rightful place as rulers of the planet, we will be given the role of librarian in their grand libraries for our contributions. Plus your life will just be better with a religion that fully supports your odd kinks.

What role does music play in your life?

Music plays many different roles in my life. The biggest role music plays in my life is that of a way for me to communicate. Music is also a friend, an enemy, a religion, and many more things. I am almost always listening to music unless I am sleeping and I create music every single day. It has a near constant presence in my life. I create music for all the porn that I make. It may not be very good, but it’s something I made and that makes me proud. My favorite art has always been art that is provocative and socially conscious. I think in American society right now we need to be pushing for sex work to be more protected, socially and legally, and music is a great medium to do that. Music can be a wrapper for a message that makes a message an easier pill for humanity to swallow. I love to make music that focuses on and is influenced by sex work, intersectional feminism, and the rights of genderqueer people while theatrically wrapping it all up in a recognizable package, such as the imagery of a religion or cult. *hint hint nudge nudge* Music, and all art forms that I indulge in, are a way for me to unapologetically say what I want to say.

What do you see as the major issues facing the LGBTQ+ community in adult entertainment?

I think one of the most glaring issues faced by LGBTQ+ people in adult entertainment is the remaining stigma around trans and gay performers and the silence of many cis industry members about this topic. Performers and managers steer away from gay and trans people for a lot of different reasons and some of these reasons are direct reflections of a past that’s already been thoroughly gutted and exposed as idiotic and queerphobic. There are some very stark differences between how cis and trans performers in the adult entertainment industry are treated. For example, segregation between cis and trans women is alive and well on MyFreeCams to the extent that MyFreeCams doesn’t allow trans women to perform on their site even though they are supposedly a “women only” cam site. In their rules and wiki there is a lot of trans exclusionary language. On their wiki it says “Natural-born women” only and on their official site rules they say nothing about disallowing trans women, but they do say “No men.” So if a trans woman can get through the background check (Which I did because they don’t ask for a picture of your genitals) and gets banned from the site, what rule did she break? It’s pretty safe to assume she only broke the “No men” rule even though she isn’t a man. MyFreeCams won’t address the issue at all and when I got banned from their site my account was deleted, they took all the money I had earned during my show, and I never got a response as to “why” I was banned. Their silence protects them.

This is a really important issue because MyFreeCams is probably the biggest cam site in the world and they sponsor so many huge events and conventions related to sex work. So you’ll have safe spaces and events for MyFreeCams models that are essentially spaces and events for women, but trans women are excluded. MyFreeCams is a huge part of the industry and they should treat all women equally, we should demand better from the large companies that represent the different aspects of sex work. Just a reminder to all cis models on MyFreeCams, 40-50% of your hard earned money is going to supporting this behavior. I understand you might not have the privilege to leave, but that’s not stopping you from emailing MyFreeCams asking why trans women aren’t allowed, or from putting them on blast on social media. On other issues too, we should not be silent. When MyFreeCams is transphobic we need our cis allies to call them out and be loud because they don’t care about what trans people think. If you’re an ally and your manager is being homophobic don’t be silent, call them out. Homophobes and transphobes don’t care about queer people, they will mostly only listen to other cisgender straight people. Power structures are torn down from the top, not the bottom. Please help.

What are your favorite fetishes? Are there any you got into thanks to making content? Any you keep for your private life and don’t film?

I think my favorite fetish is blasphemy targeted at Roman Catholicism. I got into blasphemy from doing private shows for ministers and active church goers who wanted me to really dig into their religion and basically replace their God with myself. I was raised Roman Catholic and I find the King James version of the bible to be very problematic and anti-queer, so I revel in the opportunity to tackle something that often puts me down. Whenever I do one of these shows I often start by detailing to my submissive the passages in the bible that condemn me as a trans woman, specifically the ones in deuteronomy, and explaining how their God wanted me to be in league with the devil by creating me this way. Then I will go on and explain how Satan and I are converting God’s own angels and humans against him by helping them to see the light of sexual deviancy. Then we do all kinds of naughty things in MY name instead of God’s name.

I find it refreshing and empowering to fight against something much more powerful than myself that actively oppresses me and people like me. The Catholic church is one such force and I revel in the opportunity to not only voice my opinions about the Christian mythos, but also to get someone who is a part of it to realize how anti-trans their own book can be. It is beneficial and positive for both me and the submissive and every single submissive I’ve done a blasphemy show with has returned more times than I can remember for the same experience.

Who are your: musical heroes, adult entertainment heroes, and political heroes, and why?

I don’t really have many heroes. I think some of my biggest influences when it comes to music and porn are Marilyn Manson and Natalie Mars. Marilyn Manson’s provocative style just really makes my inner goth girl squeal, and I think Natalie Mars is just so gosh darned physically talented. I wish I could take the things in my butt she does.

What is the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?

That scene at the end of the Witch where the girl talks to the goat.

What is the most annoying question that people ask you?

It’s not a question, but I hate when guys want to talk about how they are straight, but they would still fuck me. Like, yeah… duh… if you were gay you would probably want to fuck a man?

What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Ariana Grande

What sexual fantasy would you like to make a reality through making an adult vid?

I would love to recreate the exorcism scene from the Exorcist, but instead of Regan and two male priests I’ll be possessed and two sexy female nuns will fuck the devil out of me.

Say something to your fans:

I appreciate you all and if you respect and support me I respect and support you. <3

Fast 10:

The Best Topping/Ice Cream Combination Is:

Spaghettieis from Germany

One piece of entertainment I wish I could erase from my mind so that I could experience it for the first time again is:

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

If I could have an orgy with anyone on Earth it would be the following people:

Marilyn Manson (1994 version), Katie Marovich from CollegeHumor, and Peter Steele (Also 1994 version).

If you wanted to talk dirty to me you should say:

Describe giving me oral sex and then cuddling me.

The sexiest outfit I own is:

A lace bodysuit that one of my biggest supporters of the name Ser_Koopa bought me!

This sex toy I love and this sex toy I dislike:

I love my fleshlight and I’m not a fan of plastic prostate massagers.

If I could time travel I’d visit this era:

1994 for the metal or some time in the future when I’m not living way below the poverty line and I’m comfortable.

The best way to start the day is:

Yoga!

One thing I wish I knew more about is:

Stocks and investments

The one major sex tip I have for people is:

Communicate. It’s always a good idea to ask someone if they are ok during a sexual experience.

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argotmagazine-blog · 6 years

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Envisioning a New World: Restorative Justice in Activist Communities

Content Warning: Sexual Assault

A pale person with wavy red hair and cranberry lipstick, dressed in all black, spoke in front of a circle of people sitting in metal folding chairs.

“We’re thinking about activities we agree to do or not do. That comes up often when we’re organizing, whether we’re organizing events, whether we’re trying to get people to come to our direct actions, we want people to wheatpaste with us or whatever your anarchy flavor is,” they said, adding quickly, “Or not not anarchy. I don’t know how you identify.”

The person in black is Anna Kark, a social justice and harm reduction educator who brought a consent workshop to a DC church. They worked with an organization called Collective Action for Safe Spaces (CASS). The church was full of people who do anti-oppression work, Kark told me. The International Workers of the World and No Justice No Pride worked with CASS to teach activists how to incorporate consent into every part of their lives, from consenting to specific organizing to consenting to sex. This included antiracist organizing, organizing your workplace, antifascist work, and more.

“I don't think there will ever be a cohesive definition or understanding of the DC left. It's probably very complicated and about how capitalism crushes our ability to organize with each other. But for whatever value of self-identification there is, that is who I selected to be apart of this workshop,” Kark said.

Anna Kark is a DC activist who has experienced sexual assault within their own activism community. They were the survivor in an accountability process, which means that they and their community tried to hold the person who assaulted them accountable and educate the person as a response to the assault.

The person was not pushed out of the community, but regularly asked to acknowledge what they did wrong and take steps to learn how to be better. An accountability process is just one of many ways activists in these networks are trying to make their spaces safe for everyone. Activists are also trying to hold each other accountable for other ways people push each other’s boundaries, learn bystander intervention techniques, and build mechanisms to ensure activists who refuse to accept what they did wrong and change can’t simply move on to other activism circles.

Why activists want transformative justice

The accountability process is not supposed to be a panacea for harassment and assault, Kark points out. It’s just one tool. But activists want alternatives to involving police officers and meting out justice through what some might call “carceral feminism,” or relying on the justice system for solutions to violence that is usually carried out by men on women. For activists who acknowledge that police often brutalize people of color and are responsible for sexual violence themselves and as people who fight for prison abolition, it’s necessary to have alternatives. However, Kark said that doesn’t mean activists try to dissuade survivors from reporting to police. Activists are also focused on looking at the entire community and systems of oppression that contributed to sexual violence, not simply one individual who carried out the violence.

This a necessary step, since media often seems transfixed with the personality of serial sexual abusers, and how to armchair diagnose them, usually to let them off the hook. As a society, we’re obsessed with going over the details of the assault in question to determine exactly what we think the victim should have done to avoid assault and sometimes, because people derive some form of enjoyment from their pain. Like so-called “poverty porn” which media creators claim is about exposing the damage of poverty, many unnecessarily detailed descriptions of sexual assault are often more about exploitation of someone’s pain for the purpose of spectacle.

As we saw last fall during the avalanche of sexual assault stories in the news, numerous people of all genders enabled these perpetrators. By demanding that we consider an entire community’s responsibility, we are moving away from those unhealthy tendencies and are working to reduce the likelihood of future harm.

I have experienced sexual violence and harassment, like many women, and some of that violence came from people who belong to marginalized communities that are targeted by police. I also do not trust police to address sexual assault survivors in a responsible way, knowing how police themselves target and retraumatize sexual assault survivors. I don’t trust employers to address sexual harassment. Employers see the primary purpose of sexual harassment training and human resources responses as legal protection for themselves, assuming they don’t circumvent the process entirely to protect a perpetrator they consider less disposable than the victim. That means I’m not going to get what I need out of the process and neither will the person who harassed me.

I see why this approach would be preferable for many survivors. It isn’t necessarily a flawless practice or above criticism and personal biases against marginalized groups are still present, but I one would argue the justice system’s response is usually far worse. The justice system puts survivors’ emotional needs second, punishes men of color to a very different degree compared to their white counterparts and, sometimes, wrongly imprisons them. It counts on the threat of incarceration and incarceration itself to prevent or change a person’s behavior, which simply doesn't work. It nourishes the idea that victims must be white women and women who perform femininity correctly in order to deserve the justice system’s protection. The stakes are incredibly high, and when you lose, as many marginalized groups do, you lose big.

The justice system requires that in order for perpetrators to receive some form of accountability, they must be cruel evil men who have never been loved or supported by their families and communities; men who don’t really exist. Additionally, officers who were supposed to help survivors at their most vulnerable have subjected them to more violence. When it’s working, the accountability process also demands that communities look at the environment that allowed violence and harassment to happen, not simply an individual person. It demands that survivors needs are considered paramount and that communities acknowledge the humanity of perpetrators through education.

Kark said by having a community behind them, people aren’t asked to process what happened to them alone. This is particularly important for people who are experiencing poverty or financial precarity.

“I started a community accountability practice [last] spring when I was raped,” Kark said. “It is very difficult to do because all of the functions of capitalism prevent you from being able to do that work, right? You’ve got police state telling you conflict can only be mediated by a court of law, which is untrue. You’ve got poverty, which prevents people from people able to seek appropriate resources from their community because they have to focus on immediate material consequences within their lives.”

Kark said their anarchism makes it difficult for them personally to turn to “disposing of people as a first response.” This language about not disposing of people and healing from harm in a way that excludes punishment is consistent in anarchism. Cindy Milstein writes in her book, Anarchism and Its Aspirations, “... anarchism serves unflinchingly as a philosophy of freedom, as the nagging conscience that people and their communities can always be better.”

How the process works

Akosua Johnson, who has been involved in these processes before, said that the first step in an accountability process is to be open about the harm that the perpetrator committed. But the survivor gets to tell activists what they are comfortable with the community knowing. Then activists who are part of the process, usually activists who have participated and conducted this process before, gather information about what happened and how the person was harmed so that perpetrator understands what they did wrong. Activists acknowledge that some people may not know what they did wrong because we have all grown up in a society that normalizes sexual violence as a “natural” expression of masculinity.

Johnson said the next step is to educate the person who harmed the survivor. Then people close to the perpetrator need to make it clear to them that they need to be held accountable for their actions. The perpetrator also needs to fully understand what they did harmed someone else.

“That makes it more meaningful and more effective as opposed to some stranger coming up to the perp and saying, ‘You did something bad!’” Johnson said.

Activists need to ensure that the perpetrator and surrounding community prevent anything like that from happening again, Johnson said, but it’s important to look at the entire community’s role in what happened. Enablers and people who simply didn’t notice how this person’s behavior affected others have to sit with their own actions and learn how to hold themselves accountable for that.

“This is not simply an individual acting in a vacuum. It’s the community around that person that allows those ideas and actions to occur, so you spread it out in terms of educating in a ripple out from perpetrator,” Johnson said. “You’re making sure there is accountability not just for the perpetrator but people in the perpetrator’s life who may have excused or allowed behavior that is harmful or violent.”

Sometimes that starts with enforcement of boundaries in all activism practices, to build a culture of consent. For example, that means not putting fellow activists on the spot when determining who will do what for an event or protest, such as becoming a street medic or bringing food to an event. People in the activism community need to ask people if they want to put in a Signal group and be clear about how long a training will take. During the consent workshop, people took turns to be the person asking for things and the person saying no in response, to normalize the process of asking for consent and enforcing boundaries. It felt good to practice saying “No” to requests for information I didn’t want to give, as benign as those requests were, such as “Where did you get your shoes?” because I’ve been socialized to give reasons for saying no. In this space, it was clear that we didn’t need a reason and that it isn’t rude not to give one. People were learning to accept a no and not be personally offended by it, Kark explained.

Jen Deerinwater, a community organizer and freelance journalist and Citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma, said that until activist communities respect femmes in all contexts, including meetings and inclusion in leadership, harassment and sexual violence will be a problem. In queer activism spaces, queer people can also be “misogynistic and chauvinistic,” Deerinwater added. “There is definitely an idea that for those of us who are more feminine, we have to do all of the caregiving work. We’re not as respected as those who are more masculine of center.”

A common complaint from women and nonbinary people in the movement is that men aren’t doing enough to address sexual violence and provide other forms of care that are considered traditionally feminine.

Although folks should get training to avoid asking questions that enforce rape myths, Belinda Rodriguez, an activist whose organizing focuses on climate, racial, and economic justice, said that starting with a sincere commitment to care for another person’s wellbeing goes a long way. She said the most common response she sees is a “deer in headlights” response where people don’t know how to react and ending up doing nothing rather than risk giving the wrong response.

“People are afraid to deal with the situation and so they don't do anything,” she said. “That’s why it’s important for people to read about this stuff in advance and have conversations with each other about what kind of response they would like to see before shit hits the fan. I think that's really important so that trust is already there when something goes down because inevitably, at some point it does, and we will all have a friend who is in a shitty situation or we’ll be in a shitty situation.”

Kark said that they’ve seen other activists become more aware of harassment as well as behavior that can be labeled “boundary-crossing.” For example, they were recently street harassed while a few of their male activist friends watched and did nothing to intervene. But months later, after talking to a partner about what happened, one of those men reached out to talk to Kark about what they should have done differently.

On another occasion, two activists had a difficult time working together because another kept pushing their boundaries, such as touching the person without asking. The activist who wasn’t comfortable being hugged and otherwise touched told the person to receive education and talk to someone in their community about how to be better about understanding people’s boundaries. The person did seek out that education and now they have a healthier relationship, with the person whose boundaries they crossed, Kark said.

“The person who was on receiving end of harm wanted that relationship to continue and believed in that person’s capacity to change,” they said.

Within an entirely punitive and faceless justice system, you don’t really get to ask the person who harmed you to consider what they did and take steps to change in any meaningful way. Any relationship with the person who harmed you can be used against you as evidence that you weren’t actually harmed. It isn’t very realistic to expect people who faced harassment or violence from someone close to them, someone in whom they’ve seen sparks of kindness, to end all contact if they want to seek accountability. And the people who have harmed us are usually people we know.

That doesn’t mean the person who was responsible for that harm is going to be interested in being held accountable, however. Some activists have gone as far as to offer to pay for someone’s therapy if it would help them process what they did and change their behavior. But they don’t always accept that help, Chris, who does antiracist and anticapitalist activism work in DC, explained.

“I’ve had long-term friendships end over trying to hold someone accountable.” he said.

In one case, over a few months, it became clear to Chris and other activists that the perpetrator of the sexual violence wouldn’t take those steps. At first, the person seemed willing to participate and then it became apparent to Chris that their actions were only performative. Soon, he only responded to him on social media. But one day he ran into him on the street.

“I just knew the last time I saw him, he cried in my arms and said, ‘I’ve done terrible things,’” he said. “I said, ‘We’ve all done terrible things.’ And he wouldn't go any further on that.”

Sometimes survivors don’t want to move forward with an accountability process either, and fellow activists have to respect that, Chris said, even if others in the community would like to move forward. The priority is with the survivor's needs. And there are good reasons not to stick with a one-size-fits-all approach, BR explained. A survivor could be living with the perpetrator or share an employer and it’s important to be sensitive to their needs across these different circumstances.

In an accountability process, when survivors do move forward with the process and perpetrators won’t respond to the community's requests, Kark said they aren’t forced to leave but rather decide to leave because their friends won’t stop asking them to take steps to change. They gave one example.

“The process of being asked about that was so difficult for him that he voluntarily left and I think that happens a lot. Being accountable is a lot harder than being punished.”

When that a serial abuser leaves, however, they can go to another activism community where people don’t know what they did, which activists are concerned about. Johnson said this happens often and that they repeat the same behavior. They said they are working on developing a larger accountability communication network with other activists in DC to prevent this from happening.

Power differences

Still, that decision of how to respond -- whether or not to alert other communities, tell someone they can’t continue being in a space with the person they harmed so the survivor’s activism isn’t hindered, or welcome them back into certain spaces -- has to be weighed carefully.

Rodriguez said the specific harm by the perpetrator took, the risk of future harm, and the power differences on all sides need to be considered in crafting a response. Rodriguez noted an example where a young man of color was shunned from a predominantly white space without being given the chance to understand what he did wrong, where a white man was allowed to stay indefinitely, despite displaying repeated harmful behavior and showing no interest in accountability.

“This kid seemed very disposable in a way that a white dude in the same circle was not,” she said. “I have seen white men consistently be really problematic and manipulative and people tolerate them. I definitely have seen abusive behavior. But they were tolerated because they had more access to power and people were more afraid to push them out as opposed to this kid who became completely disposable, even though he was trying to be accountable and didn’t seem like he posed a risk of causing future harm.”

Often, people with more access to power are allowed to get away with bad behavior unchecked, and Rodriguez explained that she has seen movement organizations give prominent leaders a pass at egregiously mishandling situations, because they don’t want to sever their ties with someone who is high profile.

Deerinwater said that when there is violence within any activist community, there is a concern that it will provide ammunition for the government.

“There is this feeling that women and whoever is being assaulted just need to shut up and take it out of fear it will hurt the movement. Not everyone feels that way. I personally don't. I feel like that has hurt our movement already,” Deerinwater said.

There are challenges, however, since activists will try to insist that the community can’t afford to lose their support. Akosua Johnson, an activist who has worked on accountability processes for the DC activist community, said there is a tendency for people to try to leverage their cause to discourage people from holding them accountable.

“They get agitated and angry and they get into a regression. I don't know if you’ve heard this before, but ‘If you're not nice to me, I’m not going to help your cause,’” they said.

Activism communities face many barriers to tackling power differences within networks when sexual violence and harassment occurs, ensuring that efforts to handle accountability processes and care for survivors are spread evenly, and that people are prepared to handle accountability thoughtfully. But by talking about consent in all contexts, not just sexuality, activists are fostering an entire culture of consent where sexual violence is less likely to thrive. By turning attention to the community as a whole when sexual assault happens, activists are less likely to pretend that you only need to get rid of one person to make a space safe for all activists. And when we don’t see violation of consent as something only monsters do, but as something everyone is capable of, it becomes something everyone must watch out for and prevent. Our justice system and other institutions often fail us because, by their very design, they aren’t supposed to accomplish these things.

“I want to live in a world where someone can hurt me and then they can apologize and actually take responsibility for their actions,” Kark said. “In order for us to be able to get to that world, we have a long way to go.”

Casey Quinlan is a policy reporter for ThinkProgress who writes about education, labor, and criminal justice issues. Her work has appeared publications such as Bustle, The Establishment, The Guardian, In These Times, Glamour, Autostraddle, Dame Magazine, and The Crime Report.

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