#brandons my friend i mean comfort character
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Brandon Stimboard!!
pls dont tag as kin/me ^_^
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i got an ask in my email that never showed up in my inbox that was basically looking for book recs and since only one person asked for my opinion and because this was the year i fell back in love with reading, i'm going to do a myspace Top 8 books i loved this year, in no particular order:
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
this is basically a love story. it's a love story and you won't change my mind. i don't mean romantic love except that i mean best friends loving each other to and through the end of the world can be romantic and we should say that more often. because this a book about war and its terrors but it's also the love story between two best friends and what they'll do to get back to each other. it has probably one of my favorite protagonists ever - actually, two of my favorites. Wein tells a devastatingly perfect story and i promise your heart will swell and sink and tie itself into tiny knots. kiss me, hardy! kiss me quick!
5 stars, i cried at the end
Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
i was late to the SoC books and boy am i glad i finally showed up to the party. this book was perfection. i immediately fell in love with each crow and spent the whole book screaming that if nina and matthias didn't kiss ASAP that i was going to throw something. i also was yelling about kaz and inez, do not think i was not doing that. kex brekker you deserve love you street rat. @dealanexmachina had to deal with the screaming through this. and i think it's going to be a repeat read in 2024 just so i can experience the care and craftsmanship that went into each character, their nuances, and how it wove perfectly together into kaz's brilliant plan.
5 stars, i immediately read the sequel like a hungry jaugar hunting down a person wearing that calvin klein scent
Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson
brando sando is... prolific. and it was overwhelming to jump in, but i started with tress and not any of his other books (a problem i have rectified) and what a bang it was. this book is, in a word, hilarious. the narrator is a fantastical being with an aversion to linear thought and a predilection for hilarity. the humor in this book is unlike any of sandos other work and really shows that he has the ability to stretch. the premise is very clever and very cool and just very fun. tress is brave and smart and that's celebrated, not punished. plus who doesn't love a talking rat? i'm looking forward to his other secret projects
4.5 stars, the narrator is my favorite sando character
Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak
okay, this is billed as horror, but i wouldn't really say horror and would lean more into the mystery billing than anything. maybe thriller. and it's outside my usual genre and is definitely more suited to my wife's tastes but she finished this book in three days (and usually takes 3 weeks-to-months to finish books) and when she said i had to read it, i said yes dear and picked it up. i'm glad i did. it's an illustrated mystery and as the author writes in the notes, those who pay attention will be rewarded. the ending was a twist i didn't see coming, like, at all. and it was clever. but once the ending started to unfold it was a mad dash to the finish.
5 stars, my wife recommends this
The Nevernight Chronicles by Jay Kristoff
now, i know. this is actually 3 books, not 1. but hear me out - they must all be read. it's nonnegotiable. these books were recommended by tumblr user @fiddleabout and am i so very glad they were. mia is unhinged. there's no other way to put that. the girl is fucking off. her. rocker. and no one in her life is any better. they're all just as freaking crazy. but they're my crazy comfort killers. i went on for hours about mia and ash, to the point that my wife shut the bathroom door in my face because i tried to follow her in there talking about them. this series is bloody and more than once i was like, he can't possibly make this any bloodier but he CAN and i think this book is better for it. found family, check. unhinged teenage protagonist, double check. endless fun, check in triplicate.
4.5 stars, i am never not thinking of ash and her vision of a house on a lake and softness
A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon
obviously i read priory first and obviously i loved it but ADoFN was... mind-blowing. maybe because priory enriched the world of ADoFN and i was already familiar with all the intricacies of it (though there was certainly more to learn) but reading this just... the bridging Shannon did, the connections she made between priory and ADoFN and how we ultimately saw the way ADoFN threaded some of the loops we saw closing in priory, it blew my mind. the utter romance of it all, my god. i read this monster book in a single day, i couldn't put it down. i emerged from my ADoFN cocoon like andy samberg in that one SNL skit where he plays a teenager who just woke up. i was changed(TM)
5 stars, i was a changed man
Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo
i immediately jumped into the rest of the Leigh's work (i went through SaB first but she's so strong at the end of this Grishaverse) and while i love all my SoC babes, nina was a favorite and honestly i'd recommend both King of Scars and this book. tumblr user fiddleabout was blessed to follow along with my completely unhinged livestream of this book and when (spoiler) zoya and nikolai finally got over themselves and K I S S E D, i put the book down and took a lap. then i picked it up and screamed again as nina's arc unfolded.
5 stars, i have a lot of thoughts about the kind of man nikolai is (peg)
The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by S.A. Chakraborty
i'm a bit of a sucker for a pirate book. even more of a sucker about a woman pirate, and amina is a woman pirate of the highest caliber. this book is either intentionally funny or unintentionally hilarious. amina's biggest flaw is that she's constantly ogling her demon ex-husband's cute butt - honest to god. otherwise, she's perfection. badass, scrappy, jacked. amina is all of those things and then some. so she has a bit of a past that winds up coming back to bite her in the ass and then she's thrust back onto a ship where she has to chase down an old crewmate's daughter - can you blame a girl for being the most kickass pirate in all of the seas? no! should you? absolutely not! just let amina live out her life ogling ass and sailing leisurely, please.
4.5 stars, i want to sail on amina's ship even though i'm afraid of boats. and the ocean. and things living in the ocean. and generally the water.
( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)👍 and now you know, cause it's mike's pirate's super short show! ( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)👍
#i am not a book reviewer by trade and i think this proves that BUT i loved reading this year and i loved these books and most of them#were recommended so i hope if something catches your eye and you read it and you love it you remember that people are#always looking for something to read and you might know the story that could knock their socks off#very grateful for friends who tell you their favorite books#it's like sharing a piece of yourself and it is an honor#i hope you read in 2024 and i hope its something you want to share with other people#merry 2024 ya filthy animals from me to you#(tell me if you read any of these and like them pls)#also if you get the reference at the end i personally apologize but that is part of my daily lexicon byeeee
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Marianne wouldn't have married Brandon if she didn't love him
For the simple reason that he would have never proposed had he not had heavy encouragement, and that because Brandon is *very* aware of the age difference between Marianne and him from the very beginning and till the end.
When the teasing is happening at the beginning, he's uncomfortable with it, and he only realizes he has feelings for Marianne once everybody has moved onto Willoughby:
"Colonel Brandon’s partiality for Marianne, which had so early been discovered by his friends, now first became perceptible to Elinor, when it ceased to be noticed by them. Their attention and wit were drawn off to his more fortunate rival; and the raillery which the other had incurred before any partiality arose, was removed when his feelings began really to call for the ridicule so justly annexed to sensibility. Elinor was obliged, though unwillingly, to believe that the sentiments which Mrs. Jennings had assigned him for her own satisfaction, were now actually excited by her sister"
(As a note in passing, one of the big difficulties of Sense and Sensibility is that very often we are told a character believes or thinks something about another that we will take as truth, to THEN be revealed otherwise; we see it here with Mrs Jennings and sir John vs Elinor, and later on Elinor will correct the judgement she makes on this section about Brandon and Marianne having complete different characters).
I have seen people talk about Brandon having a complex of saving the lost girl, which isn't really the case here; as much as Willoughby might be called a rival here by other characters, nothing in Brandon's behavior shows that he considers him such, that he distrusts him or is jealous of him, until he comes to know what he did to young Eliza. Even his first love was not the "lost girl": she was a rich ward of his family, and all her disgraces came *because* Brandon and her were unable to elope.
Even when Brandon knows what Willoughby did, he hopes for the best and only comes forward with his story to ease Marianne's pain and regret, not to forward his suit, and even *then* he has scruples of conscience over it:
"My object—my wish—my sole wish in desiring it—I hope, I believe it is—is to be a means of giving comfort;—no, I must not say comfort—not present comfort—but conviction, lasting conviction to your sister’s mind. My regard for her, for yourself, for your mother—will you allow me to prove it, by relating some circumstances which nothing but a very sincere regard—nothing but an earnest desire of being useful—I think I am justified—though where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?”"
When Marianne is sick, he only tells Mrs Dashwood of his feelings because Marianne might literally be dying and he cannot keep it inside. But after that? There are no presents, no approaches other than a short visit to a convalescent Marianne, because she specifically requested it herself:
"Marianne’s illness, though weakening in its kind, had not been long enough to make her recovery slow; and with youth, natural strength, and her mother’s presence in aid, it proceeded so smoothly as to enable her to remove, within four days after the arrival of the latter, into Mrs. Palmer’s dressing-room. When there, at her own particular request, for she was impatient to pour forth her thanks to him for fetching her mother, Colonel Brandon was invited to visit her."
And once they are all back to Barton, he stays away, only coming back after Edward has arrived:
"A three weeks’ residence at Delaford, where, in his evening hours at least, he had little to do but to calculate the disproportion between thirty-six and seventeen, brought him to Barton in a temper of mind which needed all the improvement in Marianne’s looks, all the kindness of her welcome, and all the encouragement of her mother’s language, to make it cheerful."
This is not a man "bidding his time" for a proposal.
People read the comments about everyone thinking Marianne was to be the reward of Brandon and miss the part where he wouldn't just do something because everybody else thought it was a good idea, considering how aware of the situation and Marianne's feelings he's throughout the book, and how apprehensive it makes him. There's no possible world in which this man proposed without having about 500% certainty that Marianne wanted to be proposed by him.
That Marianne loved Brandon enough to want to marry him is not only in the comment about how she grew to love him as much as she once loved Willoughby, but in the very comment that says she gave her hand on great esteem and lively friendship; those are the feeling and relationship Elinor confessed to about Edward at the beginning, but that we as readers could guess was more than that; it's a witty remark about how Marianne grew into the same way of feeling Elinor had when she was 19 as well.
It's a curious thing to me that, unlike Northanger Abbey or Pride and Prejudice, where we get some reference to Tilney and Bingley's side of the proposal, S&S remains silent on Brandon; Marianne fills the stage with her choice of marrying him, and the conspirator in me wants to headcanon that is because she more or less proposed herself, or brought it about in very unsubtle ways.
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Stella: The Thesis
If you’ve read my Fate rant, you know I’ve got a lot of feelings about Stella, so here we go.
Again SPOILERS IF YOU’RE NOT UP TO DATE WITH THE REWRITE, like at least up til Chapter 38 of Season 3
Also, TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of Eating Disorders
First Things First
The first words in my character sheet to summarize her character in the OG are: Spectacular Diva who doesn’t always think before talking.
I think we can all agree that a big point Stella’s character was to combat the mean blonde girl stereotype without making her a tomboy. Letting her love sparkle and be dramatic without being mean. The only times that Stella is mean are when her brain-to-mouth filter fail and she always makes up for it.
I always loved Stella’s character, especially post season 3, and I was very specific about what I wanted to do with her character. Making her a little more mature without taking away any of her Stella charm.
Stella is a perfect character for a ‘fake it till you make it’ mentality and to hide any insecurity behind a kind of ‘armor’. Fashion is Stella’s armor if that makes sense, and she is probably the most insecure in the group, even if she’s been working on it since even before the rewrite begins.
My very first major change is to change the reason she took a sabbatical year. Instead of blowing up a lab carelessly and her dad having to make a ‘generous donation’ to get her back into Alfea, Stella choses to take a year off to work on her mental health and her ED.
So, I chose for her to suffer from Anorexia as a response to 1) a need for validation from her mom, who has a bad habit of commenting on her body, 2) incredible stress from her parents fighting all the time and 3) the pressure of being a future queen affecting her a lot.
We only really see Stella post-healing from her ED, but we still get to see her not taking care of herself as much as she should when very stressed or very emotional, and the group (especially Sky, Brandon, Tecna and Bloom) tend to keep an eye on her to make sure she’s eating properly.
Stella’s at her core, a very caring person. Someone once commented that, while Bloom will be the one to lead the girls in battle, once it’s all over, Stella is the one they look to and the one to take care of all the girls and I feel like that’s a perfect summary of who Stella is as a friend.
Stella feels a lot of responsability towards the girls, both because she’s the oldest and because she just loves them with all her heart and would do anything for them.
We often see her trying to take care of her own emotions on her own or even shoving her feelings down in order to comfort the other girls. (Not talking to Brandon because she doesn’t want him to worry about her, getting her emotions/powers under control to comfort Aisha, etc)
Even though she’s an only child, Stella is very much an older sister. She jokes and teases and is just a little annoying because its fun to her, but the second things get serious, she’s the one they look to for comfort or for a safe place. The first time we see this is in Season 1 when Flora has a breakdown, the other girls freeze because they’ve never seen Flora like this and they’re not sure what to do, Stella instantly takes over, gets her into comfy pijamas, tells the teachers they’ll take the day off and makes the decision to call in someone else to give Flora what she needs at the moment. Like Musa says, ‘Flora is so mature sometimes I forget Stella’s the oldest.’
Another way we see that her caring is her main trait is her dedication to be a good future queen.
Stella is incredibly close with her personal guards Sua and Lola, sees them as mother figures and she knows the names of almost the entire castle personal. She takes as many courses as she can and is not ashamed to ask for extra classes with subjects like Economy so that when her time comes, she can be the queen that Solaria deserves.
This comes into play with her Enchantix, she dies protecting her dad, protecting Chimera even though at the moment Chimera is trying to steal her place, protecting two guards.
We truly see who Stella is with the entire Chimera situation in s3, she knows what it’s like to be 15 and insecure and kinda hate yourself. And she knows what it’s like to feel like she’s alone. So she gives Chimera what her friends once gave to her. Hope, warmth and a chance to remake herself.
Stella takes Chimera in as her little sister even after everything. Because she understands and she cannot not care about her.
Stella’s main trait, that never changes is that she is caring and she will do anything for the people she loves.
Thoughts Behind Main Relationships
Bloom: Bloom is Stella’s person. Like I’ve mentioned, they have a very Taylor Swift, invisible string kind of friendship. They were always meant to be friends.
To Stella, Bloom is part of her very soul, her very being. If Stella is the sun then Bloom is the moon, the two are connected in a way that neither can quite describe.
To Stella, Bloom is safety, she can be vulnerable and weak and just show herself with Bloom and she knows that if she breaks, Bloom will be there to help pull her back together or to be strong for the both of them.
That’s something that Stella has never truly allowed herself to feel before, even with her closest friends. Bloom is the one that she trusts to put her back together if she ever breaks. Because she’d do the same for her.
Brandon: Brandon and Stella have known each other for two years before season 1 and from the moment they met they were drawn to each other.
Brandon somehow saw right through Stella’s facade of confidence that she wore back in the day, and he was intrigued by who she really was. She was a bit intimidated by this but was also intrigued.
It took them a long time to admit their feelings but they have a relationship founded in friendship, softness and trust. They’ve seen each other at rock bottom, they know that they’ll stay no matter what. They feel safe with each other.
Brandon thinks Stella is beautiful of course, but that is not why he fell in love with her, it was pretty much everything else. And Stella didn’t fall for him for his looks either, she fell for the boy who’s a family man and takes care of his four younger sisters and who never hesitated to help Sky and who is just a protector at his core and who always believed in her.
Their love is, ‘I’ve seen you at your worst, I’ve seen what you hide from the world, I know exactly who you are and I am so in love with every aspect and shade of you that I don’t know how I could ever not love you. I know that you’re insecure deep down and I understand that and there is such comfort in how knowing we are of each other that somehow, after a life-time of being terrified to be vulnerable, being weak with you is easier than it should be and all fear goes away when you hold me.’
Sky: Sky and Stella have known each other since birth. They’ve been best friends since they were less than two years old and have always had each other’s back.
One of the major changes I made to season 1 was having Stella know about the switcharoo between Sky and Brandon, mostly because, since she’s known Sky her whole life, they couldn’t really keep it a secret from her.
This formed a dynamic for the trio and made them the closest subunit in season 1 since they’ve known each other the longest.
Stella and Sky are two kids who bonded as kids but continued to deepen their bond as they both realized the weight on their shoulders due to being the future rulers of their respective planets.
These two are definetely siblings. They both had somewhat strict mothers so when together, they love to get to just be goofy teenagers. Their friendship is one of ‘We both have so much to do and a lot of weight on our shoulders but when we’re together we can let go and try to trip each other into a fountain for the fun of it and stick out our tongues just because we can and I know you’d never get mad at me over something like that. But you know that if you even need anything I will be right here and nothing will stop me from helping you.’
Who is Stella in this Rewrite?
Stella is someone who is learning to love herself and come into her own. To accept her insecurities and learn from them.
She is the kind of person who is goofy and has so much personality that you can’t help but just notice when they walk into the room. She is always making people laugh, but the second that things go dire, she is the first to jump to protect her friends. Once the battle is over, she’ll be the first to comfort the others.
Stella is a complex young woman. Who has immense passion and love and care within her and who uses all of that in every single relationship that she has. She pours her love into her studies to be a good queen someday.
She is a woman who has gone through hating herself to starting to truly realize that she is allowed to be proud of herself and even admire who she has become in the face of adversity.
Stella is someone who’s caring at her very core and who shows that care in everything that she does.
Stella is a girl filled to the brim with personality and care and strength. And it shows in everything that she does.
———————
Masterlist
Stella Moodboard
Stella’s Instagram
Bloom and Stella Moodboard
Stella and Brandon Moodboard
Stella and Sky Moodboard
Please comment on this one cause I had a bit of a tough time wording what I wanted to say this time around (that’s why this one took so long) so I’d love to know your thoughts!
#winx club#winx rewrite#winx#winx headcannon#winx fanfic#winx stella#winx headcanons#winx club rewrite#winx headcannons#winx brandon#winx headcanon
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Because I want it as official canon in my head for your friend file 🗂️
Top 5 Hugh Dancy roles & why
jdwkhfsjhfsj hi, hello, thank you! x') <3
1. Nolan Price (Law & Order)
you know it. my man. I'm so in love with him, it's not even funny anymore.
and I love who he could be if the writing of that show wasn't what it is. he could be a breath of fresh air, considering he'd been a defense attorney for ~20 years and switched to being a prosecutor; but somehow they managed to never bring that up or use it to make Nolan a better character after the first two or so episodes. I mean, they never utilise him like a real character anyway, so idk what I expected. but anyway!
I love him because he's incredibly caring in every way. he clearly loves what he does and he wants to do what is right. he's not afraid to admit when he's wrong and do better. he's prepared to listen and work something out.
and his experience as a defense attorney, who also worked with Project Innocence, allows him to view defendants differently. like he hasn't lost that part where he knows that they're also human beings with their own stories that should be respected.
he's more aware of his part in the system as a prosecutor than most of the DA's office is, and I really appreciate that about him because it makes him a better attorney and a much more interesting character.
(again... that's who he is and should be; but the writers haven't really delved into that in a while. he's almost unrecognisable at times in the newest season, unfortunately.)
2. Will Graham (NBC Hannibal)
I mean, duh. it's Will Graham. the character that introduced me to Hugh Dancy back in ~2018.
no, but seriously. I see myself in him. a lot. too much for comfort. but even that is sometimes strangely comforting because even the ugliest parts of myself are things I appreciate in Will and can live through him without, um, consequences or feeling bad about myself.
I love that we met him as somebody who's so determined to help others even at the cost of his own life, and have that turned around into somebody who acts selfishly and manipulatively, but who also hasn't lost that goodness about himself. somebody, who enjoys violence that he's tried to avoid for so long. all because the right (or wrong, depending on who you ask) person saw the truth inside him and managed to shine a light on that in an irreversible way. I just love his entire arc so much. it's something that feels very personal to me.
3. Cal Roberts (The Path)
the man that desperately needs a hug and therapy. so much therapy.
I love him so much for once again being a very complex character. we meet him as this cult leader that is misleading everyone around him, manipulating them, and barely holding on by a thread most of the time. until we find out why that is. until we see and realise what lies beneath and why he is the way he is. and I need to wrap him up in a blanket and shield him from the world that has hurt him so much...
honestly such a grandiose performance from Hugh, like always, but this one sticks with me in particular because it's so depressing to watch it all unfold and for Cal to only become worse with every episode (in the way that it becomes harder to push away his traumatic past, but he's too afraid to face it completely, so instead his psychological state becomes worse the longer it all goes on, and the consequences of his actions become overwhelming and pile up to make everything much harder for him).
I don't know how many times I just wanted to sit down and cry for Cal while I watched the show.
4. Luke Brandon (Confessions of a Shopaholic)
cannot stand the movie (that's not entirely true. I like it as a rom-com, but Rebecca is insufferable and makes it very hard for me to sit through the entire movie); but Luke is very special to me.
honestly, perfect man. 10/10, I wish my future husband was like him (or Nolan. either one of them. preferably Nolan, but... let's not aim too high, lmfao).
I mean, come on. that charming British accent, the fluffy hair... the fact that he's all about saving money and making that accessible to those that need the advice most. that's the thing that made me love him so much. that he thinks about the "common people" and the ones most reliant on saving money. those who are usually lied to by companies and other advisors. the fact that he technically comes from money and rejected that. UGH, I'm so weak for characters like him.
5. Adam Raki (Adam 2009)
the character that basically holds up a mirror to my face and makes me feel so many things that I don't really like (because ✨trauma✨), but appreciate that I'm not alone with.
personally, I think he's a well-written, and especially acted, autistic character. extremely accurate for those that are similar to him.
while I share traits with Will, like hyper empathy, I also share maaany traits with Adam. and it's just... nice. to see that. to see him be a grown adult that learns and adapts, but doesn't change who he is, and that he gets to do what he enjoys in the end.
I'm also glad that he and Beth didn't stay together, after all. as jarring as that was for me the first time around, I realised that they weren't good for each other; and I'm pleasantly surprised that they weren't forced to stay together by the writers just so it was a typical romantic movie ending.
I love the realism of the difficulties and the ups and downs, as painful as it can be to watch for me. you know how much it triggers me. so I often avoid a re-watch. but it sticks with me, and I appreciate Adam for the character he is; especially for the time the movie came out in.
#honorable mention: Caleb Garlin (The Good Fight)#thanks for the ask :3 jdhfdhj i could write essays on each character so thank goodness (/sarcasm) i'm so brain fogged today lol#because otherwise this would be MUCH longer oops hfdgsgskjgfjk#hugh dancy
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Lena! First off, I hope you're doing splendidly. Your posts always make my day better. Second, I had a mad idea that I'd love your take on but if it's not to your liking, feel free to ignore it. I was listening to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack today and the thought struck me of which of our beloved clones is like which Jane Austen hero? Wolffe totally gives me Mr. Darcy vibes and I can see Fives as Mr. Tilney (young, handsome, likes to dance, likes to tease, probably understands muslin). Would you be willing to share your thoughts on any of the clones? If you throw in Waxer and Howzer, I'll love you even more than I already do. You're marvelous. Thank you thank you!
LOVE this concept. Mansfield Park is the only Austen story I'm not at all familiar with, so I'll exclude any gentlemen from that one. But here's what I think about the others and their similarities with the clones...
Wolffe is like Mr. Darcy... He's proud, yes, but further, he's a man of duty and principle. He knows what he wants and has no time for things that fall short of those standards. He is a steadfast friend for life, even taking a hit to his own reputation (or life) to save them. In a romantic partner, he'd need someone unafraid to call out his BS, but also patient enough to let him learn his lesson and try again... and he'll always try to do better for the ones he loves.
...Some similarities: Crosshair
Wrecker is like Mr. Bingley... He may not be the brightest star in the sky, but he sure is the most sincere and kindhearted. What you see is what you get with him. He gets along with everybody, making friends wherever he goes, and tends not to get too upset over things. He does, however, get easily flustered, especially when his heart is involved. He'd match with someone who is just as sweet and easygoing as he is, and together they won't have a complaint in the galaxy.
...Some similarities: Tup
Fives is like Mr. Tilney... He's charming and he's playful, he's smart and he's soft. Though he may be private about some matters, overall he's fair and honest and has a very calm but confident demeanor. And yes, he does have a unique appreciation for fashion unfound in other clones. Such a range of traits means he will first and foremost be a friend before a lover, though once shifted to the latter, will have plenty of teasing fun. He'll love someone who can surprise him in return.
...Some similarities: Howzer
Rex is like Captain Wentworth... On the outside he's a strong, dashing trooper, calm and collected in any room he finds himself in. But underneath the politeness and agreeableness is a bleeding heart, a sense of duty that often causes him to strain past his limits. He wants to do the right thing, even if it's at the expense of his own feelings. While he can maintain all sorts of friendships, the only romantic interest he'll have is in someone who knows their mind and sticks to it.
...Some similarities: Hunter
Cody is like Colonel Brandon... Really puts the sense in sensibility, am I right? Faithful, admirable, and smart... he's not old, just "seasoned." He knows which fights are worth having and which are just petty drama to stay out of. He's very generous with his time and resources, but in more of a subtle, working in the background kind of way. His loved ones will have a comfortable life if it's the last thing he does. He may not be traditionally romantic, but his patience and devotion more than make up for it.
...Some similarities: Fox
Echo is like Edward Ferrars... He's another duty-bound gentleman who sometimes gets in the way of his own happiness by choosing to follow what's expected of him over his own heart. He's a fan of good company and good conversation, and can generally get along with anyone. Though his personality may not be as charming, or his looks as flashy, he'd still be able to easily endear himself to a partner of equally good character and heart, once he had no other conflicting interests.
...Some similarities: Dogma
Kix is like Mr. Knightley... He is a sharp, perceptive man who looks out for both his friends and community as if they were family. His maturity serves as a good balance to his more, let's say, chaotic acquaintances, though he's not above having a bit of fun when it makes sense. Despite having such a good head on his shoulders, he can't help but be attracted to someone on the wilder side. Some would say they actually enjoy arguing, probably because they secretly know it helps them both grow.
...Some similarities: Tech
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Tender Loving Clones Masterlist | Master List of Master Lists
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#star wars#the clone wars#the bad batch#jane austen#austen men#mr knightley#edward ferrars#colonel brandon#captain wentworth#mr tilney#mr bingley#mr darcy#commander cody#commander fox#commander wolffe#captain howzer#captain rex#fives#kix#tup#dogma#wrecker#crosshair#tech#hunter#echo#tender loving clones
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get to know me
tagged by my lovely friend @dwarveslikeshinythings <3; Sorry for the delay - I'm still catching up on my tag games.
PART ONE
are you named after anyone? Yes. I am named after a character in movie, but not because my parents liked either the character or the actress (they hated both). I'm named after this character because they wanted to be like her parents. Needless to say, I am not fond of my name.
when was the last time you cried?: genuinely don't remember, but it was probably either a) writing because sometimes I get overwhelmed by character's emotions or b) something reminded me fiercely of my late father and I just lost it for a minute.
do you have kids?: Not unless you count dogs. I have two shelter pups.
do you use sarcasm a lot?: Mostly when asked to do something very simple. I will sarcastically refuse whilst doing the thing.
what’s the first thing you notice about people?: Vibes. I have a very vibes-based nervous system (thanks trauma).
what’s your eye colour?: This is complicated. I have central heterochromia, which means my eyes are two different colors within the same iris. So brown on the inside, mossy green on the outside, but you can't tell unless you get close so I say hazel even though it's not technically correct.
scary movies or happy endings?: Scary movies. I typically fall asleep with one on. After you've seen it a hundred times, even the sounds of screaming can become their own kind of comforting because it's always the same.
any special talents?: I don't know what to put here. I have a lot of hobbies, but I'm not sure I'd say I'm particularly talented at any of them. I can tie a cherry stem into a knot inside my mouth? Does that count as a talent?
where were you born?: The United States.
what are your hobbies?: Oh geez, uh. Sewing, cosplay, writing, baking, drawing, reading, singing, playing the ukulele, video games, DnD and other tabletop games, mead making, crocheting, gardening, painting, ... I think that's it. But I'm thinking of picking up book binding and tambour embroidery for elf reasons.
have any pets?: see above answer about kids.
what sports do you play/have played?: Played basketball for years, not because I was good, but because I was tall for my age, but I stopped once the other kids caught up in height. I really loved track in Middle School, and I was a pretty strong sprinter, but I gave it up in HS to focus on my schoolwork.
how tall are you?: Five foot seven. I'm actually the shortest of all my cousins, lol.
favourite subject in school?: It changed a lot depending on my interest in what we were learning about. I have an abiding love of science and history. I'm also partial to poetry, despite being beyond awful at making it.
dream job?: living in the Star Trek future with a universal basic income, lol. People in Star Trek just do what they want to do for work and it all seems to work out fine.
PART TWO
first ship: I've mentioned this before and I'll mention it again probably but Kagome x Sesshomaru from Inuyasha (SessKag). Can't help it, my 14 year old brain latched on REALLY hard.
three ships: Been reading some Bagginshield lately and that's growing on me. Adar x Palariel (my OFC, super normal about this one, lol). Been thinking some Galadriel x Luthien (pre-Beren) thoughts lately - might heck around and write a one-shot someday. Can you tell I'm only thinking about Tolkien things these days?
last (current) song: "The Devil is a Gentleman" by Merci Raines.
last movie: House on Haunted Hill (1958) with Vincent Price. Featuring my favorite line from any movie: "Darling, the only ghoul in the house is you."
currently reading: I am listening to "Oathbringer" by Brandon Sanderson in audiobook form, reading "The Haunting of Hill House" by Shirley Jackson, "The Fall of Numenor" and "The Fall of Gondolin" (thanks people who voted in the poll) in physical form, and reading an epic-length Bagginshield fanfic digitally.
currently watching: uh... I'm partway through season two of Succession. And I watched the first episode of Picard, season three. I'm very bad at watching television lately. It requires too much energy.
currently consuming: orange spice tea, no sugar.
currently craving: I don't really have cravings very often. So nothing?
tagging: @somebirdortheother, @lady-of-imladris, @coraleethroughthelookingglass and anyone to whom this looks fun!
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I've been seeing some Things lately and of course I have to give my opinion as a certified Helia Stan so here's a list of a bunch of different hcs/metas about Helia that are just... no... I don't know if anyone outside of my circle is gonna see this but just in case, I do want to clarify that I'm not trying to bash anyone. I just think a lot of you are Wrong.
Helia is pretentious/egotistic.
Why would you say this to me. On the day of my daughter's wedding. But yeah, no. Gonna bust out the dictionary for this one boys
Pretentious:
a : making usually unjustified or excessive claims (as of value or standing)
b : expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature
Egotistic: given to talking about oneself; vain; boastful; opinionated. indifferent to the well-being of others; selfish.
Truly, and I mean truly ask yourself, does this actually sound like Helia? If it does, baby girl we are not watching the same show.
I think this misunderstanding almost always comes from Riven stans ngl (I love y'all but not every character is out to get him i'm sorry). The other characters, specifically the specialists, had a lot of judgment about Helia at first. They didn't know him and they assumed certain things based off of rumors and his social standing. But then... they got to know him and realized they were wrong. Riven himself admits that he was being a dick and, after they fix things over, starts to like Helia as a friend and respect him as a specialist.
Helia being an artist doesn't mean he's automatically a Pretentious Freak. He's literally just into art. Bloom is also an artist but people don't make the same claims about her (well no actually they do but bloom antis are not people in my book ajldhgjladg). Throughout the series, Helia is continuatlly supportive and understanding of other characters. He tries to help them when they ask, offers comfort and support when they need it, and generally proves that he's a relatively good friend (yknow. when he's not ditching them and cutting communication). There is literally nothing in canon that states or implies that he sees himself as better than other people, that he mocks people for not knowing something, that he thinks his life is better, etc. Literally nothing! I truly do not understand where this comes from it's so weird to me. (if you use s8 as proof just know that i am sending so many bad vibes to you)
2. In a similar vein, the idea that Helia hates the specialists or makes fun of them/disapproves of their actions/thinks they're lesser than him.
Bro... we are not watching the same show i know we aren't. Again, Helia is constantly cheering the boys on. Next to Brandon, he's one of the more supportive specialists. Every now and then he'll call one of them out, but that's usually when they're doing something they know is bad (riven talking when they were supposed to be quiet) or something that directly affects him (riven directly insulting his poems (oh no i keep mentioning riven sorry babes xx)). When it comes to them just existing normally, he's not making fun of them or thinking he's So Much Better. In fact, it's heavily implied in the comics that he often compares himself to them and other specialists (in a bad, self deprecating way) and thinks they're better than him. Just... no,,, they are his little meow meows <3
3. Helia joined Red Fountain just to be with Flora.
Baby that's creepy as hell imagine meeting a guy once and he immediately switches schools to be near you. Y'all can't get on Nabu's ass for stalking Aisha and then make Helia do the same thing Bro Please ajldghljadhgl But seriously, while we don't know the exact reason Helia went back to RF, it's pretty obvious what the answer likely is? Helia continues to go back and forth between being a specialist and being an artist. Helia likes being a specialist; he enjoys missions and helping other people, and getting to learn new skills. But he also likes being an artist and everything that comes with that. Helia specifically has a really bad need to "prove himself" in both of these things so him rejoining RF (and leaving again) really isn't surprising. He was likely thinking about it for months prior to meeting Flora. She was really just a bonus, but definitely not a factor in his decision.
4. Helia is actually super violent and enjoys killing people.
I'll be honest, I do think it's funny that the fandom went from "helia is a sissy little pacifist who would NEVER hurt anyone he probably hates the specialists and red fountain" to "yeah he partakes in daily murder". ajklghdjlahdg anyway, my little helia stans already saw but I did write something about this so... here.....
5. Helia hates the other winx
BRO PLEASE he thinks they're hilarious he would die for them kill for them either way what bliss etcetc
ANYWAY there's more but these are the most recent developments of "winxblr at it again with the bad characterizations". If you're on this list, I'm so sorry for your brain <3 it's okay baby i know you just really like riven because of how interesting he is and how he's so misunderstood and he has a fat dick and there's so much you can do with his character and he has so much potential and his tits are huge it's okay i get it i'm not mad <3 just keep helia out of your mouth <3 (joke) (or is..)
#i do hope none of this comes off as mad? i promise im not ajkldhgjadg#yeah no if helia isnt in your top three favorite characters (ALL of them not just the specialists) you are not allowed to talk about him#am i being a 'fandom police'? yes. helia has suffered so much at the hands of you people </3#imagine if i said riven is actually a pacifist because he hates fighting and adventure and action <3#thats how wild and wrong y'all sound all the time about helia oh my lord#if you havent met the thresholds of heliaism youre not allowed in the tag sorry#winx helia#long post
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Heartbroken (bh90210 characters x reader)
Summary : A headcanon of the Beverly Hills 90210 gang and what they would do with your broken heart 
Warning : not proofreaded! , mention of cheating , reader bad mouthing her ex boyfriend
Side note : all this take place in the era of season 1-season 3 of Beverly Hills 90210
Beverly Hills 90210 masterlist!
Brandon Walsh
In this situation Brandon is your best “guy” friend and you just found out that boyfriend from a different school is cheating on you with a cheerleader
You of course would tell Brandon about it,
And this will result in him being jealous
“No one hurts my best friend!” “Brandon it’s over don’t cause any trouble,”
Of course Brandon doesn’t listen and things go a little to far
“If you hurt her again you are getting more then just a talk,”
Overall him being protective
Dylan McKay
In this situation you are childhood friends with Dylan so you could say he was more so like your brother
Actually in this case he’s the one that witnessed the scene
“Uhhh.... y/n you may want to look over there,” pointed Dylan in a monotone vice of course you turned around and there you saw it, you boyfriend having his throat down another girls mouth
“That jerk!” You shouted as you were on the verge of tears
Of course Dylan being there to comfort you which may have led to something that you both would probably regret
“Dylan can you possibly kiss me so I can forget that jerk?...”
Of course Dylan protesting as he doesn’t want to ruin you guys friendship with a simple harmless kiss.
overall he would be like the big brother you never had
Steve Sanders
If I’m going to be honest... you two would argue about this
“Wait so your saying I’m as bad as he is?!” Shouted Steve “your lying,”
“Even if I was you were the one who cheated on Kelly so that doesn’t make you special Sanders,”
But as you are arguing with Steve... you are mentally broken on the inside
“Listen I would never ever do that to a girl,” said Steve “because that dude is crazy to think about cheating on you,”
Of course this would make you smile
Afterwards he would probably treat you to a Mega Burger because who doesn’t like food
David Silver
He would probably not understand the concept of cheating but he would very well try to cheer you up
“Listen I may be younger then you by a year but that doesn’t mean I can’t cheer you up,”
Of course this would cause you to spend a day with him a Scott
Overall at the end of the day you are very well cheered up
Brenda Walsh
In this case you found out that your long distance boyfriend dumped you for a blonde bimbo over the phone
Of course Brenda being mad about this
“What kind of guy breaks up with a girl over the landline phone?!”
“Brenda it’s ok really,”
But deep inside you are torn to pieces
Of course Brenda taking you to Fred Segal Along with Kelly for a ‘self-care retreat’
Overall Brenda being the best friend in the world
Kelly Taylor
In this situation kelly was the one to find your senior boyfriend kissing another girl in an empty unoccupied classroom
Of course Kelly keeping it a secret because she is well known of your sensitive feelings
“Listen I would’ve told you sooner but I didn’t want to see you hurt,”
Of course you are mad at Kelly for this but at the end of the day you forgive her because she was only doing what was in your best interest at heart
Donna Martin
In this situation you were with Donna at the mall along with Kelly and Brenda when you see your boyfriend of 3 years whispering to a girl who giggled
“Y/n he’s probably a cousin or something,” reassured Donna as she gave you a side hug
But all that went down the drain when you see the two holding hands
“What a jerk, she’s not even pretty,” said Kelly as she laughed taking a bite from her frozen yogurt cheering you up
At the end of the shopping spree you guys spend the evening watching movies and cutting pictures of you and your boyfriend out
Andrea Zuckerman
She would probably write something about him in the West Beverly Blaze
Of course you would laughed at what she wrote all whole Brandon tries to tell her that this was way out of line
“I don’t think she did anything wrong it was brilliant,” you said as you held the newspaper “all that’s missing is a mustache and we’re good to go,”
Of course your ex boyfriend being furious
“What’s the meaning of this?!”
“What it’s the truth, you cheated on me,”
With that you shut your locker before flipping your hair into his face
#beverlyhills90210#beverly hills 90210#brandon walsh#brenda walsh#steve sanders#kelly taylor#donna martin#david silver#andrea zuckerman#dylan mckay#bh 90210#90210#beverly hills 90210 imagines
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hello friends ! i am so excited to be writing brandon, especially with you lovely group of people! it’s been two years or so since i took a crack at him, so please excuse any dust as i settle in to him once again, and i hope you enjoy him as much as i do!
º . ♔ ⸻ the capital of king's landing welcomes BRANDON ❛ THE YOUNGER ❜ NORREY, the HEIR of THE NORREY. news borne by a raven sends word that he bears a resemblance to ANEURIN BARNARD. the TWENTY SEVEN year old CIS MAN is reputed to be STAUNCH and ADRIOT, but with the eyes of court watching their every move, they might turn out to be BRUSQUE and IMPETUOUS. when songs are sung, their verses speak of GENTLE LAUGHTER ECHOING THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS, SOUNDING LIKE A THREAT TO THOSE BELOW ; AN HEIR WHO APPEARED LIKE A SHADOW, ASSUMED LOWBORN WITH A STOLEN SWORD, BUT PROVED HIMSELF IN THE WOLF'S CAMP ; HOW THE ACT OF PICKING A THISTLE DEMANDS A LEVEL OF RESPECT and THE VOICE OF ONE THAT IS THE VOICE OF ALL, THE NORREY SPEAKS FOR THE NORREY. whispers throughout the seven kingdoms claim that their allegiance lies with THE NORREY and HOUSE STARK, where they conspire to SECURE SAFETY FOR HIS PEOPLE. but in the end, fealty means little when you play the game of thrones.
tl;dr → brandon the younger is the eldest son of the norrey ( known also as lord brandon of house norrey to the northern nobles ) and the next in line to be chief of the norrey mountain clan. // canon change: after the capture and execution of owen norrey, brandon’s cousin and member of robb stark’s battle guard, the norrey clan swore themselves to the stark’s cause or, more specifically, against the deceitful men of the south. // as occurred later in canon, the norrey was too old to join the campaign himself, brandon took his place.
a document containing brandon’s full biography, timeline, and various headcanons can be found in the pinned post on this blog! i’m very excited to build out connections for brandon but please keep in mind that most of these connections will have to be recent ones, given the nature of the life brandon lived before joining robb’s battle guard. the possible exceptions are those who would have been in winter town when brandon was younger or members of the night’s watch that may have collaborated with the norrey in the past. a few connections i’d love to have are included beneath the cut!
a first friend . when brandon joined the north’s army he was very much an outsider. while there were other norrey men that he easily fell in with, this would be the first person whom brandon did not know before joining that he became close with.
on the verge of enemies . due to being raised in quite a different environment than most nobles, but still carrying a noble title, brandon has a habit of acting perhaps too comfortably around other titled individuals. brandon was likely too honest with this character, or spoke to them in a way that could be read as disrespectful, and a rift has grown between them because of it.
a debt to repay . the idea of protection is very important within norrey culture, and this would be someone who protected brandon in a way he sees as lifesaving. brandon is honor bound to save the life of this individual in return.
misadventures in flirting . brandon is likely not anyone noble’s ideal choice for a wedding match; the northern clansman are considered to be more “ civilized ” than their counterparts in the vale, but they are still seen as somewhat boorish and only petty lords, rather than true nobles. however, brandon has never been one to let expectations stop him, and has struck up a flirtatious relationship with a lord or lady who’s quite a bit above his status.
simple pleasures . in a similar line as above, though perhaps not quite so daring, brandon likely has a few physical relationships that he has established since coming south, with those a bit less concerned about his intentions or house of origin.
the friend of my brother . or, more accurately, his cousin, but that didn’t sound as nice. brandon’s cousin owen was a member of the northern army before brandon himself. this would be someone who knew owen while he was alive and was a friend of his.
complementary rival . brandon can be exceptionally lethal, and this would be a character that is equally so. this is the legolas and gimli ‘ how many did you get ? ’ friendly rivalry between northern comrades that we deserve. the two show off to each other, try to always have one up, but when it came down to it, would have each other’s back no matter that shit they talk.
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With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:
Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?
It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they?
Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck.
Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —
And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.
My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.
The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset
Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.
Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??
With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...
Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.
Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.
This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…
All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss.
So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...
“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”
I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it.
Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.
Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…
Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈
— LB ⚡️☀️
* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.
Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!
#letbartoutofthecloset#long post#my totally random thoughts#bartwatch#eduardo dorado jr#bart allen#young justice#yj#yj outsiders#young justice outsiders#yj season 3#dc#bartuardo#zetaflash#el dorado#elder wisdom#yj3#illusion of control#lgbt representation#lgbtq+#young justice invasion#yj season 2#relationships#my random ideas#analysis#speculation#identity#sexuality#self acceptance#growth
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I've Said This To A Friend Of Mine, But I Just Wanted To Say This Here As Well, This Is Something I've Wanted To Say On My Mind For Awhile Now..But I Just Didn't Have Much Words To Say, And Was Even Scared To Say This Out Of Fear Of Some Toxic Fans Attacking Me. But, I Just Can't Really Contain My Silence Anymore, And Just Need To Express How I Feel With HB.
First Thing, I Just Wanted To Say Real Quick, That I Honestly Hope That The Writing Is Better For The Upcoming Hazbin Hotel Series, Than What's Going On Helluva. 🤞❤️ Because I'm Not Happy For What's Going On With That Show Right Now.
Tbh, I Haven't Been Enjoying Helluva Since Episode 5, But I Kept Forcing Myself To Continue Watching, And In Hopes That It'll Gets Better, But It Hasn't..And I Just Don't Wanna Force Myself Or Feel Comfortable To Watch A Show I Don't Feel Happy With Anymore, I Really Don't. You Know What I Mean??
I Mean, Helluva Is Fun And Such, But The Writing Just Needs To Be Worked On, And A Few Issues In The Show That Should Be Worked On As Well.
The Main Issue I've Got With HB Right Now, Is That It's Focusing On A Romance/Ship That Is So Damn Force, And Toxic..I Just Feel Like If I Were To Flat Out Say I Don't Ship, Stolitz Or Think It's Toxic, I Would Be Attack By Fans And Shit. It's Annoying, It's Like You Can't Say Anything Without Anyone Attacking And Going After You.
(I Know NOT Every Fan Is Like That, But I'm Just Mostly Talking About The Ones Who Don't Like To Hear About Other's Criticisms Or Opinions On The Show, Or The Ships.)
Thank you for sharing man! Really appreciate it! Sorry for the late reply, but yeah, and you don’t want to watch the show anymore, that’s of course completely fine, cause I TOTALLY get it, like...I legit don’t plan on watching season 2, because each episode feels like utter disappointment after utter disappointment for me personally. I don’t care for Stolatz, the relationship is toxic and executed so damn horribly, Millie and loona don’t have any development, our main character’s a dickwad that I want to burn, Stolas is NOT a good dad, nor a good boyfriend, it’s all so much. Again, these shows have potential, LOTS of it, and they could be better, way better, it’s just the writing. I heard that there will be a new writer joining for season 2, so I hope his outlook is better, because MAN, Brandon and Viv do NOT mix well together.
#reply#hazbin hotel#vivziepop critical#vivziepop#anti vivziepop#hazbin hotel critical#helluva boss#spindlehorse critical#vivienne medrano#helluva boss critical
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Purple Clouds and Tangerine Skies
Words: 24.5k
Warnings: Mentions of death...smut?
Summary: Why can’t two people who are meant for each other get it right?
***
They’re fighting again. All Y/n can do is shut her eyes in the hopes that when she opens them, everything will be okay. But no amount of wishing can drown out the noise.
“I can’t keep pretending like everything is fine! It’s not. You know it isn’t, Matt,” she hears her mother erupt between sobs. Lately, it’s been the same angry words shouted at one another over and over again. Y/n takes her baby sister, Ava, in her eight-year-old arms. She hugs the baby close. If she can’t block the screaming out, at least she can protect her sister from it.
“Grace, please.” It’s her dad’s voice. She’s never heard him sound so desperate. “What about our family? The girls need you. I need you! You can’t just walk away from us.”
There’s a sudden silence that follows. At first, Y/n thinks that maybe her parents have reached a resolution. Her dad has always been good at negotiating. It is his job, after all. She’s seen him in action whenever he brings her to work with him. Maybe he’s managed to work that same magic on her mum. She gently lays Ava down on the bed, creating a makeshift barrier of pillows on either side of her, before exiting the room and running down the stairs.
Before she can reach the bottom, she’s forced to a halt when she sees her daddy slouched over on the last step. His head is buried in his hands, his shoulders are shaking. He’s crying. That’s a sight she’s never seen before. He’d always been the picture of bravery and strength, but now that’s been washed away and replaced with someone who looks broken beyond repair. She doesn’t recognize him.
Where is her mum? She slips past her dad, despite wanting to throw herself in his arms for comfort. Besides his sniffling, the house is quiet. There’s no trace of her mum. It scares her.
“Where’s Mummy?” she asks meekly, turning to her father.
He doesn’t respond, but instead, he brings his hands out of his hair, and stares painfully at the door. Without thinking, she throws it open, the sun’s light momentarily blinding her for a few unhinged seconds. It’s only the screeching of wheels on road that brings her back.
“Mummy!” she cries, running as fast as her short legs can take her. Her eyes begin to swell with tears. The black taxi is still, and she’s just able to stare at her mum through its window. “Mummy, where are you going?” she pleads as she bangs on the door, but her mother doesn’t even flinch. Why won’t she look at me?
The engine starts up, and the car begins to drive away. Y/n chases after it, crying out for her mum to come back. “Don’t go! Please don’t leave me!” It picks up speed after it turns the corner. She feels herself slowing down, but even then, she refuses to stop. The distance between herself and the car becomes too massive.
“Mummy, come back!”
Arms envelop around her, and now she’s running on air. “Let her go,” her dad tells her, and she can feel his own tears against her neck. Her feet stop kicking, it’s like the energy has completely drained from her body. Her mind, however, is still racing.
***
A few days later, her daddy packs both hers and Ava’s bags, and loads them all into his car. She doesn’t ask questions, and instead busies herself with the fleeting landscape. A part of her had expected all that’s happened to be a part of some elaborate nightmare. But each morning, she wakes up to her parents’ bed left untouched, and her dad asleep on the living room couch. Ava is asleep beside her, and Y/n can’t help but think how lucky her little sister is to be living in ignorance. At three months old, she’s only just learned to hold her head up. Barely. Y/n doesn’t remember anything from that age, and maybe that’s a good thing. Had her parents always been this hostile towards one another? Had her mother done this before? What if she had? Does that mean she’ll eventually come back?
“We’re going to be staying with your grandparents for a while,” she’s taken out of her thoughts when her dad finally speaks up.
“Why?” She catches his eyes in the rearview mirror. They only ever go up to Nan and Gramps’ house during the holidays.
His fingers thump against the steering wheel, and he breathes in deeply as though to say something. It takes a moment before he answers her. “I just...I can’t do this alone.” His voice breaks, even though he tries to pass it off with a cough. “It’ll be good for us,” he says again. “You’ll see.”
When they hit a red light, he turns to look at her. He smiles weakly. No matter how much she wants to believe him, she still yearns for her mummy. It’s become especially hard in the mornings when her hair is knotted from tossing and turning in her sleep, and her dad can’t manage to tame it for the life of him. Her mum would often braid her hair, and like magic, it would remain intact all day. She always loved how gentle and soothing her mum would be as she brushed each strand with such care. That’s not to say that her dad isn’t trying, of course, but it’s just not the same.
***
Her grandparents live in a little town called Holmes Chapel. It’s pretty, she supposes. The buildings are a lot older, and the streets aren’t as busy as they are back home. She sits back and takes a deep breath. Her tummy flips a little when she thinks about how she might never see her old friends again, or her room, or even Mrs. Watson who lives next door (she would babysit Y/n and Ava whenever her mum had to run some errands).
When she looks out the window again, she sees Nan and Gramps stood on their front porch, smiles reaching their eyes.
“Where are my babies!” Nan exclaims, her arms stretched out. Her dad says a quick hello before opening up the back door. Y/n hops out, and her legs feel a bit unsteady from having been cramped in the car for all those hours.
“Hi, Nana,” she greets sadly. Nan’s smile falters slightly, but she doesn’t seem to let it deter her.
The elderly woman bends down to her height and gathers her in her arms. Over Nan’s shoulder, Y/n watches as her dad whispers something in Gramps’ ear. Although she can’t hear it, she can tell by Gramps’ reaction that it can’t have been good. “A bit peaky?” Nan asks, when she finally pulls away. She cups Y/n’s cheeks and presses a kiss to her forehead. “I just took the cookies out of the oven, actually. Let’s go check on them before your grandfather gobbles them up.”
Gramps groans behind them. “It was one time!”
Nan waves him off, guiding her through the front door with an encouraging push. “Oh, you won’t believe all the colors I bought for you at the crafts store yesterday! I know how much you love to draw,” she says. Her voice drowns out when she hears something fall outside. “Arthur Y/l/n! If you break another one of my pots, I swear to–” It leaves Y/n to wander through the hall on her own. Her grandparents’ house is quaint and orderly and smells vaguely of warm vanilla (probably from the cookies) and jasmine. The walls are covered in framed photographs of her daddy and his older brother through the years, a few of a much younger Nan and Gramps, and finally of Y/n, Ava and all of her cousins. (They live in Nice––her Uncle Brandon married a French woman named Dominique––and only ever seem to come around for Nan and Gramps’ anniversary.) Finally, below her uncle and aunt’s wedding photo, is her parents’. She tries not to stare at it too long.
***
Y/n decides that maybe spending time with her grandparents won’t be so bad. After all, her and Ava don’t have to share a room anymore, which means that she won’t be woken up by her little sister’s 3 am wailing fits. Nan’s done an impressive job decorating on such short notice, too. The walls are still plain white, but at least there are some pretty stickers of butterflies and flowers and a few of Y/n’s favorite cartoon characters. Even the windows are nicely covered with those gel ornaments that she loves to poke.
It’s all very nice, but she still wonders about when she’ll be able to sleep in her own bed, in her own house, under her own sheets.
“When are we going home?” she asks her dad as he tucks her in for the night. His hands stop in the middle of smoothening out her blanket, his eyes remaining glued to one of its printed ballerinas.
“To be honest with you, love,” he sighs, “I don’t know if we’ll ever go back...at least not anytime soon.”
“Oh.” That’s not the answer she wanted to hear. What if her mum does decide to come back? It’s still possible, right? After all, her mummy had always told her how much she loved her. She would scoop Y/n into her arms and twirl her around the room as they both laughed their hearts out. When she was sick, she’d always have her favorite tomato soup and grilled cheese. Every day after school, she’d sit down with her and help her do her homework and then give her an extra cookie if she didn’t complain.
Then another thought pops into her head. Her mum hadn’t been able to do any of that stuff recently. It had been like living with someone who looked exactly like her mum, but without all the warmth and tenderness that once was. Y/n turns away from her dad and starts to sob silently into her pillow.
Maybe she isn’t coming back, after all.
The dip in the bed from where her daddy had been finally reinflates. He’s about to wrap his hand around the door before she stops him. She calls out his name, sitting up with her arms around her knees.
“We’ll be happier here?”
His shoulders visibly relax, and for the first time in what feels like so long, he offers a sincere smile and nods affirmatively. She hadn’t realized how much she missed his smile until now. There’s something about it that she can’t quite describe, but she feels the safest she’s felt in a while.
***
Her daddy had left for the airport some hours ago. Gramps had offered to bring her along for the ride the night before, but she decided that she would rather not watch him leave. Instead, she pretended to be asleep when he came into her room and kissed her on the forehead. She knows he’ll be back in a few days, but it’s always tough when he has to go. It’s one of the other reasons they needed to move in with her grandparents, her dad has to travel a lot for work.
As soon as he and Gramps had loaded the car and driven away, she had stepped outside and sat down on the grass. That had been before the sun had totally risen. Now, it’s up high and shining its rays on top of her head. Nan, who had been surprised to see her granddaughter sitting out on the lawn so early in the morning, had asked her if she wanted breakfast, but was told she wasn’t hungry.
They’ve only been living here for a little over a week. She thought that they would’ve had more time to adjust before her dad had to fly off to wherever it is they’ve sent him. So far, things have been fine...or at least they’ve been as best as they can be. She tries not to think about her mum too much (she’s down to only once or twice a day). It’s a good thing that Nan and Gramps have a million ways to keep her busy.
Today is different, however. She’d had her daddy with her when she felt homesick. Now, she feels alone.
“Hi,” her head snaps up, and there’s a boy, maybe around her age, standing above her. He has messy brown hair that curls at the ends, his pleasant smile is complete with dimples on either cheek. It’s his eyes, however, that hold her attention. They’re like spearmint, if spearmint is even considered a color. Or maybe they’re the same shade as the stems of her Nan’s petunias. She can’t quite describe it, but she can tell that she likes them.
“Hi.”
The boy takes her response as an invitation to sit down beside her. “I’m Harry. Do you want a Freddo?” He pulls out a chocolate frog from his pocket. “My sister always eats chocolate when she’s upset, and she’s a girl, and you’re a girl, and you looked kind of sad, so...” He gives her a lopsided grin.
“I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers,” she says.
He––Harry––rolls his eyes. “I just told you, my name’s Harry.” He shifts a bit, then points to the house on the left of hers. “That’s my house there.”
“What if I don’t want to believe you?” she challenges, but she’s failing miserably not to grin at how utterly exasperated he’s getting.
With a defeated sigh, Harry shouts towards the house. “Oi, Gem!” It takes only a few seconds for a head to peak out of an upstairs window.
An older girl, maybe around thirteen looks like she could throttle him. “I’m on the phone, Harry! Bugger off or I swear I’ll––oh, no, no! Not you, Blake.” She disappears back into her room.
Y/n can’t help but giggle, and Harry turns to her, a triumphant look on his face. “See. Told you.”
Once again, he offers her the Freddo, but this time, she happily accepts it. They sit in a comfortable silence as she nibbles on the chocolate.
“I’m Y/n,” she finally tells him.
Harry studies her carefully. “Are Mr. and Mrs. Y/l/n your grandparents? Because I’ve been over there loads of times––she babysits me when my mum and Gem are busy––but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.”
She nods. “Me, my sister and my dad moved in last week.”
“And your mum?” he tilts his head.
Her teeth bite down on the inside of her cheek. She looks at him wearily before staring down into her lap. “It’s just us.”
“Oh,” is all he replies. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “My parents are separated too. My dad lives in the city, but I still see him most weekends.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever see my mum again,” she frowns.
What he does next startles her, but she’s more surprised at how quickly she relaxes. He wraps an arm around her and brings her closer so she can lean on her shoulder. “Mum says hugs help a lot,” he says sheepishly, she can feel his eyes on her. She nods against him, and it encourages him to continue. “I’m sorry you can’t see your mum, but hey, you can always talk to me! I’ll be your friend.”
It’s her turn to look up. “You promise?”
“Promise.”
***
Y/n decides that she really likes living with her grandparents. Her and Harry are practically inseparable, spending the better part of the day together (and sometimes during the night when they have sleepovers). This means that she hasn’t cried in a long time, and she’s heard her daddy tell her grandparents that things are finally starting to look up. Her daddy looks better than he has been in ages, he doesn’t have that faraway look in his eyes anymore.
Harry usually comes over after breakfast, or even earlier when he knows Nan will be making French toast just the way he likes it. They play the entire day, a variety of games that range from hopscotch to pretend, to sneaking into Gemma’s room to dig into her stash of sugary treats because the girl has enough Freddo frogs to last her until next Christmas. He even likes to draw with her, even though she knows he rather be outside running around.
Sometimes Gramps will drive them into town, and they’ll go to the park or the ice cream parlor or their favorite Chinese restaurant. (She learns that she prefers shrimp over pork fried rice). There’s also a bakery that she thinks is the cutest place she’s ever seen. They serve all sorts of pastries and desserts that the owner, Martha, gives them for free when the rest of the customers aren’t looking. Y/n thinks that’s all to do with Harry. She’s eight, and she can already see how charming her best friend is. She’s glad that she has him by her side. He’s made her time here better than she could have ever imagined.
But soon enough, September comes along, and with it, school. Y/n would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. While she and Harry will be attending the same school, he’s a year older, which means she might not see him nearly as much as she’d like.
“It’ll be fun! You’ll see,” he tells her as they walk to school. “And we have breaktime, too. I can introduce you to all my friends, and you can introduce me to all of your new ones!” He sounds far too excited.
Y/n pulls on his sleeve, and he clumsily stumbles back a bit. “But Harry,” she whines, digging the toe of her shoe into the sidewalk. “What if I don’t make any friends?”
“You?” he gasps. “You’re like the most awesome person I know! Just be yourself.”
She doesn’t say a word, instead, she drops her head to look anxiously
“Come on.” He takes her hand in his. “I’ll be at the end of the hall if you need me.” And they walk the rest of the way hand in hand.
***
Harry drops her off at her classroom before going to find his. He promised he’d walk down with her for lunch, so at least she has that much to look forward to. When he disappears down the hall, she finally lets herself turn around to examine the place she’ll be spending the rest of the year in.
The desks are all perfectly aligned, with names of her classmates in bold and colorful writing on cards at the very front. She quickly looks for her name and takes a seat. On the board, her teacher’s name is artfully written in the center. Miss Ferguson. She must have been the one who had greeted Y/n at the door a few minutes earlier.
Y/n’s curiosity gets the best of her, and she starts committing every feature of the room to memory. The pictures of letters and corresponding objects and animals along the top of the blackboard are just like the ones from her old school. From her seat, she can see the playground, and she fantasizes about all the time she and Harry had spent on the monkey bars and hidden in the tube slide.
“Do you want to trade notebooks?” Y/n turns in her seat in the direction of the voice. Behind her is a girl with blonde pigtails and an adorable gap between her two front teeth. “My mum always forgets that I don’t like purple.”
Y/n stares down at her own notebook, which is pink with white polka dots. “I like purple.”
The girl grins widely. “Yay! You’re nice, I like you. I’m Penelope,” but as soon as she says it, her nose scrunches up in disgust. “But I hate being called that. So, just call me P or Penny!” Y/n gives a brief introduction, and the two girls trade notebooks.
“You’re new, right?” Penny asks.
“Yup,” Y/n confirms, fishing her pencil case out of her backpack. “I moved here at the beginning of the summer.”
“Really? I’ve never lived anywhere besides here before, but when I’m older I want to live in London!”
“That’s where I’m from,” Y/n says sheepishly. She hasn’t thought much about it, but when she does, she still misses it a fair amount.
Penny’s hands go to her cheeks as she gapes in astonishment. “That’s so cool! What’s it like? Have you ever met the Queen?”
Y/n giggles. “I don’t even know where the Queen lives!”
“Ugh, I’ve got so many things to teach you, then.” She and Penny make plans to hang out during breaktime and lunch.
Maybe Harry was right after all.
***
When the bell rings for lunch, Miss Ferguson’s class files out of the room in a somewhat straight-file line. Y/n walks behind Penny, her new friend is explaining all the proper ways to curtsy in front of a prince when a hand reaches out and tugs on the back of Y/n’s collar.
She spins around, ready to thwack the whomever it might be. “I leave you for a few hours and you’ve already forgotten about me?” Harry smirks.
“You just surprised me, that’s all,” she says. She’s fallen to the back of the line now. Penny stays back too and walks over to the two of them. “Harry, this is Penny! She’s in the same class.”
Penny’s eyes nearly bug out of her head and her cheeks flush a shade of pink. “Hi-hi,” she stutters. Y/n stares at her for a moment, unsure where this sense of shyness has suddenly come from. She shakes her head, it’s probably just a draft from an open window.
“Hi, Penny,” Harry returns kindly. He then turns back to Y/n. “Let’s go down to the cafeteria. I’m starving!”
“Yeah! Let’s go!” Penny says, sounding much more like herself. Y/n walks in between them, feeling content.
***
By the time she’s fifteen, Y/n has all she can ever ask for. Her dad doesn’t travel as much anymore, except for trips to the London office once a month, he’s able to work from Manchester. Ava’s seven now, and therefore able to cause all sorts of mischief. In fact, just last night, she’d eaten the entire leftover cake in the fridge when the rest of the family had gone to bed. She claims it was a ghost, but the frosting smeared across her face told everyone otherwise.
Penny’s practically moved in with them. Things at home aren’t always the best for her. Her mum usually spends the days drinking, the nights clubbing, and the early hours of the morning in some stranger’s bed. As for her dad, Penny doesn’t bring him up much. He decided to reconcile with his wife when Penny was three years old, leaving her and her mother penniless and alone. And well, she hasn’t spoken to him since.
Finally, there’s Harry. He’s still her funny, sweet, and incredibly cute best friend. He’s sixteen now, far more mature than her. While they still spend loads of time together, he has his friends, and she has hers. Although, he does still come around for breakfast on the weekends––Nan’s French toast is still his most favorite thing on the planet––and they usually spend the rest of the time catching up on homework and watching movies they’ve already seen a million times. She loves how she’s never bored when she’s around him. They could be laying on the grass outside her house (much like they usually do) for hours, talking about nothing and everything, and still never run out of things to talk about.
Except in the last few months. The thing is, Harry’s got himself a girlfriend, Lia, and she doesn’t like Y/n. There’s no logical explanation as to why, but whenever Y/n tries to talk to Harry at school, Lia slips her arms around him, like she’s claiming what’s hers, and glares at her until she has no choice but to retreat. She doesn’t have the heart to tell Harry that his first serious girlfriend is a total bitch, no matter how much she wants to.
It’s a Friday night, Penny is staying over. She’s lazily flipping through last month’s edition of Vogue on Y/n’s desk.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asks.
“We’re fifteen. It’s not like there’s been much opportunity,” Y/n chuckles. She glances up momentarily from her sketchbook. If there’s a punchline, it never comes. She then gives her a look. “Why, have you?”
Penny shrugs. “Sometimes I think I am, but it doesn’t really matter. He’d never see me like that.”
Y/n doesn’t respond to this. She’s heard stories about the boy Penny’s apparently fancied for ages now, but for some reason her friend refuses to give her a name. If she had to guess, it’s probably Bobby Baker from her French class. They dated for a few months when they were fourteen, but things had ended abruptly. Sometimes she’ll see them talking between classes and while in line for lunch. Her money’s definitely on Bobby.
Not wanting to press her for details, however, Y/n changes the topic. “Harry’s probably in love with Lia. I saw them snogging at the bust stop this morning.”
Penny groans. “They’re so gross!” she pretends to gag. “Oh, Harry. You’re so handsome! Kiss me before our lips dry out! Oh, Lia, you’re so pretty. Take this flower as a sign of my undying affections!” She imitates them, doing it so flawlessly.
They share a look, and suddenly, they’re balled over in fits of laughter.
“How do they even breathe?” Y/n wheezes into her pillow. It’s not to say that she hasn’t kissed a boy before. It’s just never been as intense––or as nauseating––as that. Besides, none of her boyfriends have last long enough. Harry says that it’s all for the best, according to him, none of them are good enough for her.
“They’re twos, you’re a total ten,” he had said to her once. She pretended not to feel her heart leap at the compliment. “A ten can’t go any lower than maybe a seven.” She wanted to say that she thought he was a ten, too, but was too embarrassed to say it.
***
Penny leaves early the next morning, but first helping herself to some of the food Nan had just prepared before zipping out the door. She leaves Y/n half asleep and barely functional.
“So, what’s the gossip?” Nan teases her, pouring her a cup of tea.
“Same old, same old,” she yawns. She breathes in the steam from her mug and smiles.
Nan places a plate of French toast in front of her. “Talking about the same old things until three in the morning? If only your grandfather and I could stay up that late. Of course, we’d be doing other things that decidedly aren’t–” she pauses, and Y/n’s never been more thankful. They both turn towards the back door. “Ah, and I was just beginning to worry.”
Harry mutters a sleepy good morning, then stumbles into the seat beside Y/n. He looks at her breakfast, then looks at her. As if they can communicate silently, Y/n pushes her plate towards him.
“Harry, dear,” Nan starts, making up a new plate for her granddaughter. “How does your mum feel about you spending so much time here?”
“She’s fine with it,” he says, mouth full of bread. “As long as I bring her back some food, she says I can spend as much time here as I want.”
Nan just rolls her eyes. “Will that be banana or blueberry then?”
“Hmm...” Harry pretends to mull over the options, but Nan knows better. Y/n watches with amusement as she places both bananas and blueberries on top of the French toast, then places it on a disposable plate and wraps it with tinfoil.
She turns to them. “I’m just going to pop next door and give this to Anne.” Just before she can slide the door open, she calls one last remark over her shoulder. “Try not to burn the house down. We just had the floors waxed.”
Y/n continues to sip on her tea, and Harry hums happily around another delectable bite. They sit in comfortable silence.
“I feel like we haven’t talked in a while,” he says. He looks at her curiously. “Why is that?”
She has to bite her lip in order to stop herself from saying something she’ll regret. “Well, you know. I’ve been really busy lately.” From the corner of her eye, she can see how one of his brows shoot straight up.
“Busy with?”
“You know there’s an art show happening soon. I’ve been spending all my time in the art room.” She knows she isn’t convincing anyone, let alone him. He can read her like a book.
But if Harry is thinking she’s lying, then he doesn’t say anything. “Right,” he says aloofly. Taking another bite of his––her––breakfast, he continues. “Lia’s going to have a few pieces on display.”
This catches her off guard. “Lia’s into art? Since when?”
He gives her a noncommitted grunt. “It’s news to me too.” He takes her mug from her hands and takes a sip. “But she seemed really interested when I mentioned you were participating.”
“Huh.” She rests her chin on her fist. That’s strange. She’s never seen Lia Hall set foot anywhere near the art room. Lia’s a cheerleader and spends most of her time cheering on the school’s football team, which is how she and Harry got together. Y/n would know if they shared any common interests. At least that way, she could talk to Harry without her grumbling bloody murder under her breath.
“What is it?” his question pulls her out of thought. She plasters a smile on her face and says it’s nothing.
***
Her bedroom window is right across from his, and they’ve been using it to their advantage since they were kids. When they both had bedtimes that were too early to ever enjoy the night, they would look out their window and find the other looking right back. They’d spend the night trying to make the other laugh with funny faces and their own little game of charades.
But as Y/n looks up from her half-finished essay and through the glass, she doesn’t need elaborate hand motions to know that Harry is pissed. She wonders if he realizes where he’s standing or maybe he just doesn’t care right now. He looks like he’s trying to stay calm, but Y/n knows him better than that. While he isn’t one to yell, his voice does get tight when he’s trying hard not to.
He runs a hand through his brown locks in frustration. She feels guilty for not having the strength to turn away, but she’s just too curious for her own good. If only she could read his lips just to get an idea as to why he’s so upset, but alas, that’s never been her talent. She waits, occasionally working on her essay (occasionally), then lifting her head back up to check up on him.
When she looks up after a stroke of genius that had promoted words to pour out onto the page, he’s gone. Her shoulders drop in disappointment. Oh, well. At least all she has to do now is proofread.
“Did you know your nan is making pot pie for dinner?”
She swivels in her chair, her eyebrow tilting up. “I did.”
“And you didn’t bother to tell me?” he pretends to be hurt as he falls onto her bed. “I’m wounded you would choose to withhold such valuable information from me.”
“I’m sorry?” she chuckles. Closing her laptop, she sits on the floor right beside where his head falls of the side of the bed.
He turns to her, his upside-down face grinning pompously at her. “Eh, you know I can never stay mad at you.” She thumps his forehead with another laugh, but he only continues to smile.
***
Y/n’s always loved art and how it can imitate life in the way the artist chooses. Ever since she can remember, she’s been doodling landscapes and portraits on napkins or just about any plain surface she can get her hands on. She thinks she gets it from her mum. There’s not much she can remember about her, but she does recall her mother’s love for the fine arts. And as much as she tries not to think about her, she’s happy she knows where she gets it from.
Mrs. Cuomo, the art teacher, says she has a gift, and Y/n tries not to let it get to her head, but she can’t help it! She’s already taken to looking for art programs around England. If she wouldn’t miss her family too much, she’d consider going abroad.
“Paris seems fabulous, don’t you think? I mean, they have some of the best fashion schools in the world.” Penny muses as they walk around the gallery. “French boys are a plus.”
“Is that where you want to go after college?”
“Possibly. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to afford it, though.”
Y/n nods, understanding her friend’s situation.
They continue to browse all the art on display, until stopping at Y/n’s exhibit. She has three paintings. The one on the left is an abstract portrait of Ava that she’d been working on since the last art show. It was inspired by her little sister’s fifth birthday. Dad had bought her the cutest little periwinkle dress with a grey ribbon around the waist. It’s something Y/n would’ve been over the moon for at that age. But Ava being the little rebel she was (and still is) had gotten it all dirty. Right before her party, she came trudging back into the house, a complete mess from head to toe. Y/n’s entitled the portrait Muddy Princess. On the right is a landscape of a forest with the simple name Serene Acres. Finally, the one in the middle is a sideview of a boy laying in the grass. His hands are behind his head and his eyes are closed. He looks relaxed, like he’s never had a trouble in the world. As do all her paintings, this one had started off as a mere sketch born from a vision that she suddenly had just as she had woken up. To be honest, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it anything more than that. But the longer she spent refining it, she just knew she had to take it all the way. There’s something comforting about him. This one in particular is Y/n’s absolute favorite.
“Oh, you’re totally going to win this year,” Penny enthuses. “I’m not saying this because you’re my best friend and I’d literally give you a kidney, but seriously. You’re golden.”
“I hope you’re right,” she says nervously. “Mrs. Cuomo said that the judges are going to be a lot more critical this year. I just hope they like my stuff.”
Penny waves her off, as if she were talking nonsense. “They will.”
“Will what?” A pair of familiar hands land on her waist, and she can’t help but smile when sees him gasp at the wall in front of her. “Woah,” he’s speechless. She pats his arm as she steps away from him, afraid that his girlfriend might catch sight of them.
“You like them?” she smiles. He nods, still unable to speak.
“So, where’s Lia’s display?” Penny asks, but Y/n can sense the annoyance in her voice. She knows all about the girl’s hatred of Y/n.
Harry stares blankly, until finally registering the question. “Oh...um. She decided not to enter, after all.” He wraps an arm Y/n once again, and this time, Y/n doesn’t bother pushing him off.
“That seems sudden,” she says.
“Well...” Harry looks left and right, like he’s making sure no one will hear them. “I guess she realized that she didn’t stand a chance.”
This makes Penny snort. “Are we talking about the same girl here? Lia Hall does not back down. From anything. I’ve seen her at the mall fighting over jeans with University kids. She’s scary as hell.”
***
She’s laying on the grass on her front lawn when Harry comes outside and joins her. His body is oriented in the opposite direction so that their eyes are aligned if they were to face each other. He doesn’t say anything more than a hello. His hands are placed on his stomach and his nose wriggles when a cool breeze brushes past.
“Lia and I broke up,” he suddenly says, but his voice is even and calm.
“I’m sorry.”
He laughs loudly. “No, you’re not.” He glances at her before facing back up. “I don’t have to be a mind reader to know that you two don’t get along.”
“At least I know you’re not dense.” She bites back a smile. Why is she so elated with the news? Does that make her a bad person? Who’s to say? “She was pretty awful.”
“She was hot, though,” Harry interjects.
“I suppose.”
Silence washes over them. If she were any more relaxed, she’s sure she could fall asleep right here, next to him.
“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”
“What?”
“The clouds, Harry. Aren’t they beautiful?” She giggles when he squints at the grey canvas above them.
“There are no clouds,” he says flatly. He turns his head, their eyes lock.
She swallows, and she’s the first to turn away. With a content sigh, she lets her eyes droop closed. Even without looking, she can feel the way his gaze lingers, like he might be waiting for something more. “You too,” it’s a gentle request, possibly an order. He’s never been able to deny her anything.
“Alright then,” there’s an amused tone to his voice now. He breathes deeply, his own eyes closing as the air leaves his chest.
They lay motionless for a comfortable few minutes. Things are quiet between them, and only nature’s melody that plays uninterrupted.
The wind whistles, and the leaves on the trees dance along with crisp and breezy movements. As the air––which smells strongly of fall’s fiery allure––rubs against her skin and tickles the tip of her nose, another blissful smile leaves a pattern across her lips.
“What do you see?” she asks.
“Not much, honestly. My eyes are closed.”
She punches his arm. “Don’t be an arse.”
He groans out in pain. “Fine then,” he concedes. “What do you see?”
The image is vivid in her head. “Purple clouds.”
He chuckles softly.
“What color is the grass?”
“Green, of course.”
“That’s boring,” he teases.
She huffs in annoyance. “Not everything needs changing, you know.” He doesn’t challenge it.
“And the sky?”
That’s her favorite part.
“Tangerine.”
“That’s a fruit.”
“and a color.”
“Why can’t you just say orange?”
“Because,” she starts in her best ‘you better listen to me or else’ tone. “Orange is a meh kind of color. But tangerine? It’s a bit more exciting.”
“Exciting,” he repeats slowly, as though he were testing the weight of the word on his tongue.
When she opens her eyes, fully expecting him to be looking at her as though she had two heads, she’s surprised to see that his are still closed. She finds herself studying him. The way his chest steadily rises and falls with each even breath. He looks as calm as she feels at that moment. It’s then she can appreciate just how handsome he really is. Of course, she’s known it for a while (but she’d never tell him that).
So, she turns her head back towards the grey-washed sky and paints over its gloom with an image of their own.
***
Right before he starts Year 13, Harry’s dad, Des, moves to Boston. Harry tries to act like it doesn’t bother him, but Y/n knows that he misses him a lot. Even though his parents have been separated for a long time, he’d at least had a good relationship with both of them. He and his dad would do “manly” things like fishing and batting at the cages. He keeps telling her that he’s fine, and it’s not like he’ll never visit him, but she can sense that something is troubling him.
It takes a bit of finesse to get him to talk, and once he does, she immediately regrets it.
“He wants me to follow him,” Harry says, scratching the back of his head. Y/n thinks she might throw up. Boston...America...it’s just so far away. The farthest she’s ever been is Italy on vacation.
She stares at him apprehensively. “Do you...umm...do you want to go?”
Harry doesn’t answer her at first. It takes to the count of five for him speak. “I don’t know. Probably not. I mean...it’s a lot to ask, don’t you think? He’s asking me to uproot my life here.” He gazes at her. “And I really like it here.”
She lets out the breath she’d been holding. She doesn’t think she’d be able to handle being that far from him. He’ll be starting University in the fall, and him going to London already feels too much. Goodbyes aren’t easy for her, and she doesn’t think they’ll ever get easier.
“At least both parents want you,” she doesn’t realize what she’s saying until it’s up in the air.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...”
“No, it’s fine,” she shrugs him off. “It’s just, you’re lucky that both of them love you.”
Harry appears to think hard on this. “I love you.”
Her heart stops beating, her eyes double in size.
“What?”
He reddens, and for once, she can’t tell what’s going through his head. His jaw juggles back and forth, and then he coughs like he’s got something stuck in his throat. He wipes a hand down his face. “I mean, you’re my best friend, of course I do.”
Just as quickly as it had enlarged, something inside her deflates. “Oh, right,” she tries not to sound disappointed. It’s a little awkward now, but she’s at least comforted in the fact that he values her so much. She nudges her elbow against him. “Hey,” she quips.
He tilts his head.
“I love you too, doofus.”
***
Y/n’s always thought her dad to be a kind and fair man.
Matthew Y/l/n doesn’t spoil his girls, but he also knows how to reward them for a job well done. He’s also one of those approachable dads, the ones you can talk to about a crush without him getting overly protective. From when she was eight and until now, he’s always been there for her and Ava, and for that, Y/n is forever grateful.
Which is why she feels like she can discuss this one teensy little thing with him. Now, Y/n, she’s made up her mind about wanting to pursue a career as an artist. Some might say it’s insane! Risky! Financial suicide! But isn’t the threat of failure all the more reason to strive? She thinks so, and she just knows that her dad will too!
After dinner, which is when her dad is at his happiest. His belly is full of Nan’s roast, and he’s sitting next to Gramps on the couch while they watch sports. This is her chance. She’s already practiced on everyone else in the house, plus Penny and Harry, so she has a pretty solid plan on how to approach him.
“Hey, daddy,” she says sweetly, plopping between him and Gramps. He smiles at her and flings an arm around her shoulder. He returns his attention back to the telly. She gives Gramps a look, one so pleading that she thinks she might have just made him tear up, and he clears his throat and excuses himself.
“I’ve, uh, got to take a shit.” And he stumbles into the hall, Nan’s snorting following closely behind.
“So, dad, there’s something I actually want to talk about,” she starts, turning so she’s completely facing him. Matthew presses on the remote so that the screen is completely black. He prods her to continue.
Y/n chuckles nervously. No big deal. “You know how I’m like crazy about my art? I mean, I’ve won three competitions in the last nine months!”
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ve been telling everyone at work that my daughter’s an artist. You should’ve seen Anthony’s face when he found out you were the one who beat his boy out for the ribbon...”
“Yeah, thanks, Dad.” She can feel herself getting excited. “And I’m so proud that I get to make you proud. I mean, you’ve given me so much, I feel like it’s the least I can do.” On her lips is her most dazzling smile.
He eyes her suspiciously. “Okay, I’m sensing something else going on here. Spit it out.”
“Well, it’s just that next year is my last year of college, and I’ll be applying to universities soon, so I was hoping that we could talk about me pursuing art.”
“Pursuing art, as in...?”
“Dad, I want to be an artist.” That wasn’t so bad, right? She can see her dad’s face waver in emotion. At first, he looks confused, then maybe a little unsure, but then he’s just unreadable. “Thoughts?” she presses.
“No.”
Had she just heard him right? “What?”
“No.”
“But, Dad–”
“There’s little to no security. The odds of you even making a decent living out of it are practically one in a million.”
“Wait, just hear me out first...”
“I’ve heard enough, Y/n. You’re not going to throw away an education on a hobby.” He sighs, and for a moment, he looks almost guilty. “Look, I’m not telling you to never paint again. I’m just saying that you need to approach this from a more realistic point of view. How about you major in something more reliable––like business or nursing––then minor in what you want?” He continues to ramble on about different prospects, but she’s completely drowned him out by now.
There’s a spot on the rug that’s suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. Where had she gone wrong? He’s never been so forceful with his decisions before. Had she overlooked a portion of her speech?
“Mum loved art,” she whispers, but it’s just loud enough for him to hear.
Matthew stiffens at the mention of his estranged wife. “Your mother loved a lot of things. A lot more than she ever loved us.” And with that, he gets up and leaves.
***
“I think you should go for it,” she can always count on Harry to support her.
She sighs, burying her face in his pillow. It smells of coconut and lavender. After her dad had walked out, she’d ran across the yard and had tackled Harry with a hug while he was taking out the trash. He’d given her some water (God knows how hysterical she’d been moments prior) before leading her up to his room so she could calm down.
“What if Dad’s right?” she mutters. “What if this really is just a hobby?” She suddenly feels herself being flipped onto her back, his legs straddling either side of her, his eyes boring into hers like lasers. Thoughts flash through her head, and it crosses her mind that he might actually kiss her. But he remains still.
“Look at me,” he says. “You’re amazing, and you know it. I know it. This whole damn town knows it. If there’s one person I know can make it as an artist, it’s you.”
While his words do encourage her, she’s far more concerned with how close he is. She nods in acknowledgement, and he flops next to her. Both of them stare at the ceiling. She wonders if he ever feels what she feels.
“I got you something,” he says after a few minutes. He quickly turns and fishes for something under his bed.
“A present?” she doesn’t bother hiding the playfulness in her voice.
He kicks the side of her leg. “Grow up.”
“Can’t, I’m too excited.”
He pulls out a giftbag and hands it to her. “Saw this when I was out with Mum and well, it reminded me of you.”
Peeking into the bag, she immediately smiles. “Is this...is this a frog?”
“Yeah, because remember when we first met? I gave you a–”
“Chocolate frog,” she finishes. It’s a plush toy the size of a basketball and its body is the same colors as their special world. Harry must’ve picked it out because of it. He’s always been thoughtful like that. It shouldn’t surprise her, but whenever he remembers these little things, she can’t help but feel weak at the knees. She and hugs her new frog to her chest. “It’s so cute! Oh, what should we name it?”
“Well, I feel like there’s only one appropriate name for it,” he winks.
“Kaleidoscope?”
“That...that wasn’t even close to what I was going to say.”
She giggles, reaching over and bringing him in for a hug. “I’m just messing with you! We’ll obviously be calling him Freddo.” She sighs happily when his arms hold on to her tightly. Yeah, she likes his hugs a lot.
***
It’s the middle of March when Harry’s cousin comes to live with him. Jared is about his age, with the same shade of brown hair, only his is straight as opposed to Harry’s mess of wavy curls. Harry had told her that Jared’s mother (Anne’s sister, Sonya) had just passed away after her battle with cancer, and Y/n’s heart broke for the boy she barely knows. Similar to Penny’s situation, Jared’s dad isn’t in the picture. He’d left him and his mum before he was even born, and according to Harry, Jared’s always been very bitter about it.
Jared doesn’t leave his room much, only for school and for meals. Harry’s the only person he talks to because he wants to, not because he has to. They were practically like brothers before Jared had moved away, which Y/n is surprised to hear since she’s never heard of him before. But apparently when they were kids––way before Y/n moved in next door––Jared and his mum would always come over Harry’s house, and they’d play until one of them had to be forcibly dragged away. She had laughed when Harry had told her the story of how he and Jared had gotten stuck in the tree out back for five hours because the adults were so busy chatting inside.
Sometimes Y/n will stop by and personally offer him some of Nan’s famous chocolate pie, and he’ll accept it only to give it to Harry once she leaves. Of course, she knows it’s nothing personal against her, it just makes her sad that she can’t help someone who is so important to her best friend. It’s hard for her to see Harry worry so much about him, and she really is trying her hardest to help him out. She doesn’t think Jared hates her, if anything, she always catches him staring at her in the halls when he thinks she doesn’t notice. That’s a promising sign, right?
“I happen to think he’s very good looking,” Penny tells her as they walk to Physics. “He kind of reminds of a young Leo.”
“You said the same thing about Harry last week,” Y/n giggles.
“They’re related, aren’t they? Maybe beautiful genes run in the family.”
Penny looks at her. “What do you think?”
She stares back at her. “About?”
“You know, Jared!”
Y/n’s lips purse together. She hadn’t given him much thought, honestly.
***
She’s glued to her sketchpad while sitting on the front lawn when she notices a shadow approach her. Not bothering to look up, she pats the spot beside her.
“Nan says that the pudding will be ready in ten,” she says.
“That’s...cool.” That’s not Harry.
Tearing her eyes away from her latest drawing, she turns her head and sees the last person she expected. “Jared! Hi!” she squeaks.
He offers her a side grin. “Hey,” is all he says. He looks down into her lap. “You’re really good.”
“Oh, thank you.”
He rubs his hands on his jeans before settling them around his ankles. “Uh...do you mind if I sit here with you? You can say no, I was just feeling a little stuffed up in–”
“Of course! I love company!” she smiles broadly.
“I don’t know, you and that pencil were looking pretty cozy,” he suggests. She quirks a brow at him, but when the signs of a smirk begin to change the way his eyes gleam, she finally gets it.
“Jesus, that’s disgusting!” She doesn’t hesitate to slap him over the head. He sniggers in return but doesn’t say much more after that. Y/n continues to draw, but occasionally she’ll look up and catch him watching her. He immediately turns away, pretending to be busy with a blade of grass, or he’ll start whistling like it’s a sitcom.
***
It doesn’t take long before Jared finally opens up to her. He’s funny––really funny, even though most of his humor is dirty––and is constantly finding ways to make Y/n laugh. She’s found that he does a nearly perfect impression of Austin Powers, and she enjoys it very much. There are also certain angles that really highlight how handsome he is. His eyes are a deep brown, almost the same shade as his hair. There are freckles evenly spread around his nose, almost as if they’d been specifically placed there. And oh, his lashes! They’re just as long as Harry’s, except maybe even fuller. She imagines what they would look like with a fresh coat of mascara. (She jokingly brought up the idea once, and to her delight, Jared says he wouldn’t mind it one bit.)
Harry seems happy that his cousin appears to be back to his old, goofball self. He’s definitely not as stressed over trying to get Jared out of his room as he had been in the immediate weeks after his Aunt Sonya’s death. Even Anne is starting to smile more. Losing her sister had been difficult for her, but Y/n admires how she had stepped up and took her nephew in without hesitance. She’s almost positive that that’s where Harry gets his selflessness from.
“Okay, real question, would you rather give up all desserts or all cheeses?” Jared asks. He always plays this game with her. She thinks it’s cute, sometimes even thought-provoking if she’s really into it.
“Hmm, that’s a tricky one. Because what about–”
Both their eyes grow wide. “Cheesecake!”
Her head falls onto his shoulder as she laughs. She doesn’t see how Harry turns away. Although, sometimes she’ll notice how he’ll have this weird look in his eyes whenever the three of them are all hanging out together, but she thinks she’s just imagining it.
***
When Penny tells her that Jared might like her, she doesn’t totally object to the idea.
***
A few days later, Jared kisses her. It’s one of those kisses that happen when you least expect it. She’s frozen in shock until his lips pull away. It’s strange, she likes the feeling, but something seems amiss. He looks at her nervously, like he’s afraid he’s done something completely wrong. But when she finally manages to get over that initial uncertainty, a grin slowly forms on her lips, and he’s kissing her again.
***
In two weeks’ time, she sees Harry snogging Penny outside his front door. She isn’t sure how to react, but she knows there’s this weird feeling inside of her that she doesn’t like.
***
Her and Harry haven’t spoken more than a few words to each other since they started dating other people. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to him, in fact, she really misses him. Saturday morning breakfasts just aren’t the same without him shuffling into the kitchen in his half-asleep state. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was going out of his way to avoid her. Penny says that maybe he’s just feeling awkward because her two best friends are dating. (It turns out Harry had been the guy she’d been pining over for years.)
Maybe that’s true, but shouldn’t that make it easier for them to find themselves in the same room? She’s happy that Penny’s finally happy! Things hadn’t worked out with her last two boyfriends because all they wanted was to take advantage of her. If there’s one thing she’s sure about, it’s that Harry would never cross any lines that Penny hadn’t invited him to cross.
When they’re in Harry’s car, she’ll catch glimpse of how Harry takes Penny’s hand over the console, or how she’ll feed him fries from their takeaway. It makes her happy to see them like this. Really, it does.
Jared is just as much a gentleman, too. They haven’t done anything past snogging, and she’s okay with that. She isn’t even sure she’s ready for that type of commitment. It’s not like she has this idealized fantasy about losing her virginity. She doesn’t expect it to happen in the same way as the movies, with candles and a bed full of rose petals, or any of that romantic stuff. If the time’s right, it’s right. All she wants is to make sure her heart’s a hundred and ten percent in it before she lets anyone in. She wonders if Penny and Harry have talked about going all the way.
“Yeah, we’ve talked about it.”
“Oh,” Y/n tries not to sound surprised. “And how did that go?”
Penny gives a noncommitted answer. “He says he’s willing to wait until I’m ready. But the thing is, I’m ready now!”
***
Penny loses her virginity soon after. Y/n is the first person she calls, and it’s a bunch of squealing and bragging about how perfect it all was. How gentle and attentive he’d been, and how she can’t wait to do it again. It takes everything in her to not hang up. She loves Penny to death, but some things––at least in her opinion––are left unsaid.
***
The first time she and Harry get to spend time together, as in just the two of them, is when Jared is stuck in bed with a cold, and Penny is out with her mum. It’s not exactly planned, in fact, she had only seen him from the living room window whilst helping Nan dust the mantel. Deciding she couldn’t let the opportunity pass, she drops the feather duster and runs out the front door.
“Hey, stranger,” she greets, but she doesn’t sit. It’s only now she sees the bottle of beer hanging between his fingers. He usually only drinks when he’s got something messing with his head.
He nods at her, and gestures to the spot beside him. She sits, but it feels to calculated for them. Usually, she’d plop down, not caring if their knees would brush together. Now, she’s careful to leave at least a few inches between them.
And she hates how awkward things feel between them. In a matter of months, they’d gone from being attached at the hip, to barely acquaintances.
“So, what’s going on?”
He takes a sip from the bottle, his face twitching with disgust as he does so, then takes a deep breath. “Do you ever feel like things should be different?”
A sudden gust of wind lifts her hair over her shoulders. She doesn’t know if the goosebumps running down her spin are from that or the it’s from the magnitude of his question. “Different, how?”
His features soften when he finally looks at her. As in, really looks at her. It feels like so long since he’s done, that it takes her breath away. He doesn’t say anything yet, but she can see in his eyes that there’s something there.
“Harry?” she whispers.
His eyes drop down to her lips, and he licks his own in reaction. Nothing seems to matter at that moment. If her mind had been juggling with thoughts before this, it isn’t now. All she can think about his him. How good it feels to be so close him, and how she wants to be closer.
Then it hits her. Jared. She’s with Jared, and Harry’s with Penny. She’d been leaning into him, but now that she’s broken from his trance, she straightens up.
Harry brushes off his disappointment with another sip from his beer. His stare lands across the street, where a pair of children are chasing each other around a tree. He drops his head, his hand wrapping around the base of his neck.
“I’m leaving for Boston tomorrow.”
She nods slowly. “Visiting your dad?”
He lets out a soft chuckle. “Something like that.”
Finally, he stands up, then offers her his hand so she can too. He doesn’t let go right away, and she revels in how good it feels. She smiles down to where they’re holding each other, then stares into his green orbs.
Pulling on her arm, she’s suddenly trapped in his embrace. She hugs him back, her hands sliding up to his shoulder blades and pinching his t-shirt between her fingers. It’s all a bit confusing, but she continues to cling to him. She feels his nose nudge the crown of her head before he lets go.
He turns around and doesn’t look back.
She isn’t sure what just happened, but it feels a lot like goodbye.
***
Ten Years Later
“It doesn’t feel right,” she sighs. “I can’t be the only one who’s thinking it.”
He shuffles in place, eyes scanning the room around them. “What do you suggest then?”
“Take this to the empty wall by the entrance, then move the Reynalda exhibit closer to the back. It’s our main attraction, we have to make people work for it.”
Angelo nods approvingly, and she calls a thank you out to him as he gets to work. Y/n watches the rest of her staff disperse into their allocated directions, and it’s then she can finally take a moment for herself. Sometimes she feels suffocated, but at the same time so hollow.
There are so many reasons why Y/n shouldn’t be feeling as empty as she does now. After all, her life is pretty damn close to perfect. She graduated university with high honors, she has a well-paying job as director of a prestigious art gallery, and she lives in a beautiful two-bedroom apartment with her adoring fiancé who she’s been with for the better part of a decade.
She can’t pinpoint when exactly she realized that something had been missing, or maybe this feeling has always existed somewhere deep inside, and she’s just been really good at hiding it. The only person who knows about this internal battle is Ava, but Y/n doesn’t like to bother her too much since she’s busy with coursework, as well as her own problems that come with being nineteen and young.
Of course, there’s Jared. Her love. Her rock. Her other half. She doesn’t know why can’t talk about this with him. Maybe it’s too much of girl problem, or maybe it’s just guilt. The last thing she wants him to think is that he’s not enough to fill this void in her life. If anything, he’d been able to pick up all her damaged pieces when she just couldn’t. He’s great, more than. She depends on him, and he’s never let her down.
But if that’s true. Why can’t she just be honest?
***
“Right, I’m heading out now. I’ll see you–” he pauses, and she can see the concern overtake his features from the reflection of the blank television screen. He walks around their living room and kneels in front of her, his hands rubbing her lower thighs with every intention to soothe her. “What’s wrong?”
“I...I don’t really know,” she laughs, then shakes her head. “It’s silly, really. You go ahead. Go have fun with Sid.” It’s her best attempt at a smile, but it’s a weak one.
He looks at her unsurely, like he’s debating if he should protest or not. She kisses him gently on the lips.
“Go.” And she nudges him to his feet. Although she can tell he’s hesitant, he eventually concedes, leaning down for just one more peck to her forehead, then he’s out the door.
She needs to find a way to depress this strange feeling. It’s starting to affect too much of her life. A life that she enjoys, thank you very much.
Before she falls slave to her thoughts, she slumps into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of cabernet. Maybe it’s a far too generous portion, but is there ever such thing as too much wine? At least for tonight, the answer is no.
The alcohol burns her throat with its bitter sweetness, and she finds comfort in how it settles at the pit of her stomach. She breathes in deeply. This is just what she needs. It’s all in her head. Stress, probably.
Just as she’s about to rewrap herself in her blanket, the front door opens and closes with a gentle thud. She swings around, brows curling in question as Jared slips off his coat leans against the nearest wall.
“Sid will understand. You’re the one who needs me tonight.”
She leans against the arm of the couch, a moved smile playing at her lips because, wow. How did she get so lucky?
***
“I found another grey hair this morning,” Jared says. “Is this what getting old feels like?”
She runs her fingers through his hair. “You’re twenty-eight, Jae. And besides, silver foxes are pretty sexy.”
“I guess I’m a bit of a Clooney.” And he wags his brows suggestively. If he’s trying to come onto her, it’s not exactly working, but she’s also not completely turned off. This is why they’re good together. After all these years he still knows how to make her laugh.
They’re about a quarter though their takeaway (and she’s so touched that Jared decided to stay home that she doesn’t even say anything about the pork fried rice) when their doorbell sounds.
“I got it, hun,” he says, placing his plate on the coffee table, and grabbing a napkin before greeting the unexpected guest.
Y/n is pleasantly surprised when Penelope falls into the seat beside her. She looks dressed for a date, but the way she blows ferociously into the air, Y/n knows that things haven’t gone her way.
Without asking, Penny helps herself to their food, moaning as she stuffs a spoonful of that same fried rice into her mouth. “If I wasn’t wearing this dress, I would a hundred percent finish this whole thing.”
“You can borrow some clothes,” Y/n offers. Her friend pretends to contemplate, but she’s the first one to stride over into the master bedroom.
Y/n pulls out a fresh pair of pajamas, and when she turns around, her mouth quirks in a mixture of amusement and suspicion. Under Penny’s dress is the daintiest set of red lace lingerie she’s ever seen. (And she has her fair share of lingerie since she knows it drives Jared wild.)
“Looks like you were in for a sexier evening,” she muses. She tosses Penny the set.
Her friend rolls her eyes. “I’ll make sure he knows what he’s missing,” she says. Y/n isn’t quite sure what she means by it, but smirks, nonetheless.
“Now...” Penny pulls her hair through the hem of the borrowed shirt, “let’s finish off that food, shall we?”
Jared doesn’t say anything when they get back, either too consumed with his egg rolls or not wanting to interject himself into the conversation. Y/n simply kisses him on the cheek as she settles back into her meal.
She glances at Penny for a moment, and her curiosity becomes overpowering. “Okay, so I wasn’t going to ask, but I feel like I have to now,” she explains. Penny cocks a brow at her. “What happened tonight.”
“He cancelled last minute. I was already at the damn restaurant when he texted saying something came up.��� She stabs a piece of orange chicken. “It’s a bunch of bullocks if you ask me.” Typical Penny. It wouldn’t be fair to say that her friend is prone to trust issues, but it does take a little more effort. Ever since Harry had broken up with her back when they were seventeen, she hasn’t kept a relationship for more than a few weeks because she claims she doesn’t want to risk getting her heart broken again.
Harry Styles had broken her best friend’s heart, then disappeared to another country. Y/n hates him for that. She hates that he threw away all those years of friendship without a proper explanation. She hates that he abandoned her, especially when he knew how insecure she is about goodbyes.
But not every guy is Harry. There are good ones that will stick by you no matter what, like Jared. Y/n reaches over and brushes his bangs away from his eyes. Penny just needs to find her person, and Y/n just knows that once she does, she’ll finally feel right.
“This is that Ahmed guy from the gym, right? I don’t know, Pen. He’s a decent bloke. Maybe something really did happen.”
Penny pulls a face, like she’s just oversaturated her food with soy sauce. “Wouldn’t hold my breath. He’s got baggage, and he won’t accept that he isn’t happy to carry it anymore.”
That last bit sticks to her.
***
Her job requires her to have both a deep appreciation for art and a mind for marketing strategy. It had been the closest compromise that she and her father had come to when she had started her plight for a degree.
After spending the last of her year of secondary school having second thoughts about the plausibility of making it in the art world, she decided that maybe her dad was right, after all. He would tell her to be in charge, to take control of her life. That way, she’d never be blindsided by anything. She’s still around the world she loves––the canvas, the acrylics, the community of dreamers who share their passion with the world––just from a more business perspective. The more she reflects on those naïve teenage years, the more she appreciates the direction she’d took. She has the best of both worlds, in her opinion. A steady income, and a building full of paintings and sculptures and history. What more can she ask for?
“Y/n!” She looks over her shoulder, where Angelo, her assistant, waves some a sizeable file in his hands. He gives her a knowing smirk.
“Good news?” she teases.
Angelo hands her the file. “Sales report can confirm.”
She glosses it over, satisfied with the numbers. Looks like she’d inherited more from her dad than just his advice. “And they said Expressionism was dead.” Their last grand showcase had been an ode to the German Expressionism movement. They had drawn criticism in the days leading up to the event because some saw it as outdated. But that’s just ridiculous. Art is art. And while history remains in the past, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be appreciated. Y/n’s vision for the gallery is embrace both the old and the new.
“Degenerates,” Angelo rolls his eyes. “Anyway, Dax, Narsi, and I are thinking Damond’s for lunch. You in?”
She looks down at her watch, and curses under her breath. “Can’t,” she sighs. “I have to interview the new curator in a bit.”
“You work too much,” he says humorously, but they both know there’s truth stitched into his words. He gives a friendly squeeze to her elbow. “Bring you back sandwich?”
“Please,” she smiles. He gives her a mock salute before turning on his heel.
When he’s completely out of sight, she lets her lips fall into a frown. She examines her watch again, there’s still a few minutes until their scheduled virtual call. She uses the time to stroll the halls, something she doesn’t really get to do. Well, not for fun, at least.
Things are currently in transition, and all of the Maximalism works are finding their way onto her walls. She stops in front of one in particular that just screams color. With its carefully planned, yet freeing mixture of patterns and textures, it’s a piece to tickle the brain.
“It’s beautiful.” Her eyes widen. That voice. She feels everything from her body to her unsuspecting heart freeze.
Her grip on her own arm tightens painfully. She thinks she might turn blue from her inability to breathe at this moment.
“I’ve always liked how much of the artist we can feel. It really captures the complexity of character.”
She bites the inside of her cheek. “I agree.” She risks all and looks up, and he’s right there waiting for her. Harry. Her arms drop to her side as she feels herself grow weak.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Hi,” he whispers, then smiles. That smile. She had tried so hard not to think about how it had once been her favorite image. His dimples have caved in deeper, if that’s even possible. And his eyes, they’re the same brilliant green she remembers. “I saw an ad in the paper and thought I’d check it out.”
Something must be strangling her vocal cords because she finds that she’s unable to make a sound.
***
“And what did you do?”
Y/n drops her head to the table, not even caring if it’s dirty. With the day she’s had, it’s the least of her problems. “I was in shock! I-I think I might have screamed at him.”
Ava snorts into her drink.
There’s not much about earlier that she can clearly recall, but she does remember how she had fled to her car and driven halfway across the city to her sister’s dorm and dragged her to the nearest pub. Why? Because she couldn’t think of anything else to do.
“Why would he just...show up?” she questions. “It makes no sense!”
“Probably got homesick,” Ava shrugs. “Plus, Dad says it’s been in the work–”
“Wait,” Y/n’s head snaps towards her. “Dad knows?”
The younger woman looks at her as if she were insane. “Duh, he’s the one that approved the transfer.”
“But why am I only hearing about this now?” She feels herself heating up with annoyance, anger, and something else that makes her want to pull her hair out. Ava doesn’t respond right away. She looks down at her now empty drink and watches as the ice cubes into water.
“Well,” she starts, still not bothering to meet her eyes, “ever since he left, he’s been a bit of a taboo subject for you.”
Her jaw tenses at that, and she sits back in her chair. That’s a bit of an overstatement. Y/n had reacted the way any person would have if put in her situation. She huffs with frustration. “So, what else is everyone hiding from me?”
“This isn’t an intervention, enough with the dramatics,” Ava says.
Y/n’s lips form into a straight line. She looks over the bar and tuts her tongue. “I need another drink,” she mutters. “Where the heck is Penny? She’s supposed to be working tonight.”
***
After Ava had started going to school in the city, her dad had decided to move into the London office full-time in order to be closer to both his girls. And lucky for Y/n, he’s just close enough to get information out of. She visits her dad during her lunch break because she needs answers.
“Dad, we need to talk,” she demands, bursting through his office door without any regard for just about anything. “Explain to me why...”
Matthew Y/l/n tilts his head at her with a raised brow, and the person sitting on the opposite side of his desk has an expression to match.
“Perfect,” she sneers. “We’re all here, then.”
She nearly loses it when Harry choke down a laugh while getting up and offering her his now empty seat. She takes it, but not before she glares at him and his stupid face.
Her dad looks like he’s been caught in a crossfire, and he calculatingly smooths down his perfectly ironed tie. Harry takes the seat beside hers, except he makes a point to pull it a few inches away.
“So...” her dad practically sings. “Harry’s back!”
“I can see that.” From the corner of her eye, she sees a smirk. “Why are you even here?”
Harry doesn’t seem offended despite the harsh nature of her tone. He chances a glance at her dad before turning to her. “Work,” is his first answer. He bounces one leg over the other and leans back against the back the seat. His expression softens. “But I guess I just really missed home.”
She thinks that’s bullshit. No decent person would leave everything behind without a second thought. “It took you ten years?”
“I did what I had to do,” he retorts.
“And that was to just disappear?”
“This isn’t really the place nor time...”
“Then why bother coming back!"
That manages to crack Harry’s calm demeanor. He looks at her as if she had knocked the wind from his lungs. At this point her chest is heaving, as well. She forgets where they are and that her dad is a witness to this outburst.
“I, uh,” they both turn to Matthew as he tries to find the words to appease the situation. “I was thinking we could all go out for dinner later?” He’s joking, right? He smiles as her, but with that ‘I’m your father and you don’t have much of a say in this’ look in his eyes. “How about you and Jared meet us around...say, seven? Hey, you know what? Bring Penelope, too!”
“Pen–”
Matthew swivels in his chair and practically hops to his feet. He leans down and kisses Y/n on the head. “Got to get to a meeting. I’ll see you later.” And with that, he’s gone. It leaves her alone with the person she wants nothing more than to get away from.
She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. There are so many things she feels bombarding her all at once and there’s not one thing she can make sense of. Harry doesn’t say anything. Instead, he’s typing something on his phone. His lips are quirked up in an almost-grin, and she can’t help but feel miffed that he has the audacity to pull such a face in her presence when all she can do is glower.
“I guess we’ll talk later?” he suddenly says. He slips his phone into his pants pocket. She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. Like her dad had done, he gets up and starts towards the door. But before she can even hear it graze against the carpeting, he mutters one last thing. “Congratulations on the engagement.”
Her dress squeaks loudly against the leather of her seat because she must have turned too quickly. Their eyes meet, his are difficult to read.
***
“...and I’ve been trying to look for a flat, but the boss works me too hard,” Harry smirks over at Matthew. Her dad lets out a hearty chuckle as he finishes off the last of dessert.
“Well, if you’re really that overworked, it’s not at all obvious,” Penny says with a saucy smile. “Definitely still a catch.” She touches his arm, and Y/n digs her nails into her palm because it makes her feel sick. It’s ridiculous that she’s so bothered by how quickly conversation had flowed between Harry and Penelope.
Jared has an arm around the back of her chair. He looks bored with the conversation. She can’t tell if he’s irked at Harry (in the same way she is) or because he sees how much her dad likes him. That’s not to say that Jared isn’t well liked by Matthew. He did get his blessing to propose, after all. Yeah, they’ve been engaged for a while now. But so, what? Long engagements are common enough, and it does allow the two participants to fully get to know one another, as well as get close to the important people in their lives. Things just aren’t as smooth between her dad and Jared as she would like, but she supposes that’ll ease over with time.
“I wouldn’t let my current appearance fool you,” Harry snorts.
“Is that a challenge?” Penny bats her lashes at him.
Y/n can’t take it anymore. “So!” she interrupts, “Pen, didn’t you go out with that Vogue photographer last night?
Her friend gives her an odd look, but when she sees the rest of the table’s eyes on her, she waves it off. “Oh, yeah. But it didn’t end how I would’ve liked.” She gestures between her legs. “He had a little trouble getting it up.”
“Penelope Swanton,” Matthew warns, as if she might give him a heart attack. “Parental unit sitting right here.”
Everyone shares a laugh except for Y/n and Jared. The latter just stares at the tablecloth with vague intensity. It’s strange that he hasn’t made a quip all night. He’s usually the one who talks the most...well, besides Penny.
“Maybe pretty girls scare him,” Harry chuckles. “It happens to the best of us.”
A mischievous glint sparkles in Penny’s eyes. “Do I scare you, Harry?”
“COFFEE!” Y/n all but screams. “We should order coffee!” She can’t just sit there and watch her friend make the same mistakes all over again. It would be a serious miscarriage of justice is she were to let that happen.
But she can only stall for so long, and before she knows it, they’re all making their way out of the restaurant. It’s that awkward phase of standing outside and making small talk before someone has the balls to leave. Harry offers Penny a ride, and Y/n has to watch as they get into his car, laughing like he hadn’t broken her heart all those years ago.
Jared still seems to be in a mood as well, but he plays it off and tells her he’s got a stomachache from the scallops he had as an appetizer. She rubs his back as they wait for the valet to bring their car around, glaring at Harry’s taillights before he turns onto the road.
***
Y/n manages to not think about Harry for a few weeks. With the newest exhibit opening up, it’s kept her body and mind busy. By the time she gets home, she’s tired and all she wants is to put her feet up and watch reruns of Downton Abbey.
The doorbell rings, and she can’t help but groan because she was just getting comfortable. She looks through the peephole, then shakes her head knowingly. She pulls the door open.
“Don’t you have work?” she asks playfully, but she wishes she could take it back when she sees the broken look painted across Penny’s face. “Oh my god, are you alright?” She guides her friend into the apartment and sits her down on the couch.
Penny suddenly bursts into tears, her face falling into her hands as though she were hiding her shame. Not wanting to distress her further, Y/n gathers her in her arms and lets her cry it out. They’ve been through a lot together, and in all their years of friendship, she’s never seen her look so somber as she does now.
She strokes her hair, whispering her reassurance even though she’s left in the dark. Penny breaks from her hug and wipes her eyes with her knuckles before looking at her with misty eyes. “I’m...” but she starts blubbering, and nothing coherent can be understood. Y/n waits patiently until she can speak. “I’m pregnant.”
Y/n feels the color drain from her face while her head fills worry. She can’t decide who she’s worried more about, Penny or her baby. Penny is an adult is capable of making her own decisions, but she can also be reckless. She can barely pay her rent on time and her work schedule isn’t the best either. A baby would mean growing up, but Y/n knows that Penny’s still trying to figure things out.
Then, the inevitable question bubbles in her throat. “How far along?”
Penny sniffles. “About six weeks.”
Y/n feels awful that the first thing she feels is relief. Not Harry’s. “And the father?”
“I can’t tell him,” Penny cries, she lays her head in Y/n’s lap. “He’s...he has a...” She doesn’t need to finish that sentence for Y/n to understand.
“Penny...” her tone is every bit of disappointed.
***
She accompanied Penny to her first appointment to the OB-GYN this morning, and the sound of the baby’s heartbeat had been enough to drive both women to tears. It was beautiful, and the look in Penny’s eyes said all that they could. Sure, Y/n had worried about her when she first learned of the pregnancy, but that had immediately changed with just that one look.
One day, Y/n hopes to have children of her own. She and Jared have opened up the topic a few times, but they never seem to be on the same page when it comes to starting a family. He claims it’s because his job’s hours are too crazy to juggle an infant. He’s the physical therapist for the National Football team, which means he has to go with them on away games. Deep down, however, Y/n thinks he’s afraid that he’ll end up the way his father did. She wants to tell him that’s ridiculous, but she always has to walk on eggshells about that.
It’s okay, though. Until she and Jared can come to an agreement, she has no qualms over spoiling her new niece or nephew. Auntie Y/n. She likes the sound of that. So much, in fact, that she finds herself outside of a baby boutique on the high street. She wonders if Penny will be having a boy or a girl.
“So cute!” she smiles to herself when she sees all the onesies on the mini mannequins. Would it be too early to plan Penny’s baby shower? She’s so lost in hypothetical party planning that she doesn’t notice see body before they collide, and warm liquid misses her shoes by mere centimeters.
“I’m so sorry!” she rushes out an apology. There’s an unflattering brown stain on his otherwise perfect white button-up. She grabs for her wallet in her purse, hoping to at least pay for the damages, but stops when she gets a good look at him.
“You.”
The world must really have it out for her. Harry looks down at his tainted shirt. “Nice seeing you too.”
“Sorry,” she says again. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Head in the clouds?” he muses, shaking his sleeve of the last remaining drops of coffee.
She smiles tightly. “Just window shopping.”
He looks at the store in front of them, and his head snaps towards her. “Are you...?”
“No,” she replies immediately. “A friend of mine.”
For some reason, his shoulders seem to relax. He’s still incredibly handsome, though she never doubted that that would ever change. Under his wet shirt, she notices a sizeable few tattoos inked onto his chest. The sight intrigues her, and she has to stop herself from reaching out and tracing them with her finger.
“Let me pay for your dry-cleaning,” she says, tearing her eyes away from his body.
Harry shakes his head. “There’s no need, honestly. Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?” She really doesn’t want to be in his debt. “I’d feel better if I could make it up to you somehow.”
“No, really. It’s fine.” Why is he so stubborn?
“I insist.”
He studies her for a moment. She imagines that she can see the gears turning as he thinks.
“I’m actually on my way to a viewing, and well...I’m not really sure what to look for.”
She replays his words in her head. “So, you want me to...help you pick out an apartment?” That can’t be right.
“My car’s just over there,” he points with his chin. “What do you say?”
Alarms are sounding in her head, each one screaming a different command between her ears. A part of her is saying it’s a bad idea, that she should stand her ground and stay mad at him because of what he had done. On the other hand, the rest of her––the biggest part of her––wants to indulge in the feeling she has when she’s with him. It’s a crazy mix of fury and joy that isn’t entirely unbearable.
“Fine,” she concedes, and she brushes past him and starts towards his car. “But only because I feel bad about the shirt.” She doesn’t dare look back. She slides into the passenger seat and buckles herself in. Her stomach is doing cartwheels beneath her high-waisted pants.
Harry gets into the driver’s seat but doesn’t start the engine right away. He pulls his jacket off and places it neatly on the console. What he does next makes her regret getting out of bed this morning. Her mouth dries as he undoes every button of his shirt and reveals the tattoos she’d been fantasizing about earlier.
“Do-do you mind?” She feels her cheeks heat up, and she turns to the window in hopes to find a distraction.
“Well, I’m not going to talk business looking like I’ve just been bullied by a barista.”
“That’s completely beside the point!”
“Well, you can look now, Mother Teresa,” he says smugly. She hesitantly cranes her neck back. He’s now sporting a similar shirt, but this time, it’s dark grey. “See?”
She huffs, then mutters something under her breath. He smiles at her, like he’s just dying to tease her, but ultimately decides not to. She just glares straight ahead.
“Just drive the damn car.”
***
“And this unit is complete with its own balcony which overlooks the Thames,” Mariette, Harry’s real-estate agent says to the both of them. “It sets the mood nicely, don’t you think? And it happens to be very popular with our younger couples.” She sends them a not-so-subtle wink.
Y/n feels herself flush, and she ducks into the kitchen and pretends to inspect the marble countertop.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Harry says. He doesn’t seem to be paying that much attention, or if he is, he’s really good at hiding his own embarrassment. Y/n wonders if he’s just humoring the over-zealous agent. After all, he was never the type to correct someone over silly little details.
Mariette tells them to walk around, get a feel for the place, before excusing herself to make a phone call. Y/n follows Harry up the stairs where all the bedrooms are. There are three, and the master bedroom has its own ensuite toilet and bath.
“What do you think?” Harry asks her.
She glances at the view from the window. It’s beautiful, gorgeous even. The building itself is in one of the nicer parts of town, where the congested London traffic wouldn’t take away from its overall aura. She can already picture him spending the mornings on the balcony with a cup of tea and a book or passed out on a king-sized mattress in the bedroom after a long day of work.
“It’s nice,” she answers truthfully. “But it doesn’t matter what I think.”
Harry looks at her like she’s spewing nonsense. “I asked for your input, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. But at the end of the day, it’s your home. Not mine. You might not even stay around long enough to enjoy it.” The look on his face when she lets that last part slip out makes her wish she had just shut her mouth. She leaves him in the bedroom and heads into the hall. She needs to get away. Why couldn’t she have just given him a simple answer? Why does she continue to open up old wounds that she knows she’ll never be able to close?
Before she can get far, however, his fingers curl around her shoulder. He swallows thickly behind her.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. Until now, he hadn’t apologized. She hadn’t expected him to, and now she isn’t sure how to take it. This should vindicate her, but all she wants to do is curl up and close herself off from the world, even for a little while.
She looks down to her feet, and as though on cue, her eyes begin to fill with tears. Her hand quickly lands on her mouth to muffle a sob.
He turns her towards him, holding her by the waist. In a split-second, she’s wrapped in his arms. She tries to pull away, but her body is too unwilling to lose his familiar warmth.
“Why didn’t you say goodbye?” she whimpers against his shirt.
His chest heaves. “Because if I did, I’d never be able to leave.” His words shake her.
She pulls away slightly, just enough to look into his eyes. “But what about me?” she asks. “Harry, you were my best friend, and you just treated me like I meant nothing to you.” It made her feel like nothing. Apparently, she’s an easy person to leave behind. First it was her mother, then the person she trusted most. She couldn’t tell you which had broken her more.
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
Scoffing, “A bit late for that, no?”
“Then let me make it up to you,” his plea is coated with desperation. Every bit of him shines with sincerity that she wishes she could ignore. His touch burns her through her clothes like blue flames. Body and mind are rekindling, and now that she remembers what it feels like to be close to him, she can’t see a version of herself that doesn’t want him back in her life.
“I don’t know if I believe in second chances,” she says softly. His grip on her loosens substantially, and there’s a sudden fear that he’ll let go. “But,” she continues, “you’ll be my first.”
It’s a bone-crushing, heart-enlarging hug, and it leaves her feeling happier than she’s felt in a long time.
***
They’re not the same two kids who would spend every waking moment together, but this is the closest they’ll ever get in adult life.
Harry visits her on her lunch breaks and lets her bounce marketing strategies off of him whilst they walk the gallery. Just like her dad, he has a well-versed business mind. It feels good to be able to talk to him again. It’s like a part of herself has risen after years of sleep and is finally seeing the light of day. Under the fancy suits and numerous tattoos, he’s still the same guy who can listen to her talk for hours without fail.
She’s even had him over for dinner at her and Jared’s place. At first, she was afraid that things would be tense between the two of them, after all, Jared hadn’t talked much during their dinner nearly a month back. To her delight, however, they seemed to pick up where they left off, and spent majority of the night talking sports and all that ‘man’ talk that she can never be bothered to understand.
If a month ago she had felt empty, she can proudly admit that she’s starting to fill up.
***
When Penny announces that the baby is a girl, Y/n is probably the most excited. She visits the baby boutique she’d been browsing some days ago and buys a rubber duckie onesie with a matching headband, along with four other matching sets.
“You really shouldn’t have to go through all the trouble,” Penny scolds her.
Y/n waves her off. There shouldn’t be any of that nonsense. She likes being able to spoil her best friend’s future child. “I want to. Just humor me, okay? I’m aiming for Auntie of the Year.” She lays all the rest of the outfits on Penny’s sofa.
“It’s true,” Harry adds. “She’s already had the bib made.” Y/n flips him off but is far too delighted by all the pretty patterns to come up with a proper retort. Rather, she tries to sweep Penny into conversation about a real baby shower (and not just the one she’d planned in her head), discussing potential guests and a wish list that she should start setting up on Amazon.
Jared and Penny give each other a look, and the way the former’s jaw tenses doesn’t go unnoticed by Harry but completely goes over Y/n’s head.
***
“Why don’t you put any of your own work on display?” Harry asks her one day.
“Honestly?” she sighs, “I haven’t actually made anything in...well, almost a decade.”
His jaw drops. “I don’t think I heard you right, a decade?”
The same amount of time you’ve been gone, she thinks to herself. Of course, now that they’re back to being friends, she would never say it out loud.
***
Nan had called her up and asked if she and Ava would drive up to Holmes Chapel and help her sort out all the things to donate. They try to visit their grandparents every few months because they are getting to the age where they won’t be around for long. Although, Nan will tell anyone with ears that she’s stronger than she was in her twenties due to her weekly spin classes at the community center. Meanwhile, Gramps is still the same as ever. He still sits in front of the TV and watches highlights of games he’s got recorded on the DV-R, and accidentally knocks over Nan’s petunia’s when he backs the car out of the garage.
Her childhood bedroom is also how she had left it. Sure, her teenage years had called for a bit of renovation, but underneath posters of her favorite actors and boy bands are the youthful stickers Nan had put up when they had first arrived.
She rummages through her closet, throwing old clothes in good condition into her donation basket. There are even some that were never worn, and she debates whether she’d be able to use any of it, but ultimately decides against it.
The top shelf is full of empty shoe boxes and other things she had carelessly thrown up there. Her old sketchbook falls open, face down, at her feet.
She picks it up and is greeted by the same sketch that had won her first prize in the art show all those years ago when she was fifteen. Her fingers graze over the pencil lines, and it’s like being reacquainted with an old friend. She had spent months on this one drawing, and it had turned out to be her greatest piece to date (the actual painting is still being preserved at the school).
“You know, I always thought that boy looked like Anne’s boy,” Nan says nonchalantly. Y/n hadn’t even heard her come in.
“What?” Y/n stares intently at the paper. “You think so?”
Ava practically skips in. “Oh, gossiping, are we?” She sounds just like Nan.
Y/n can’t help the roll of her eyes.
“I was just telling your sister about how that painting of hers up at the school looks a lot like Harry.”
“Is it not supposed to?” Ava seems genuinely confused.
“I mean...it wasn’t actually based on anyone in particular,” Y/n says, feeling the need to defend herself. “It was just...something I envisioned in my head.” She turns back to her closet, leaving Nan and Ava to carry on their conversation on her bed.
Reaching her arm up high, she feels around the shelf until she pokes something soft. When she brings it down, she can’t help but grin. Freddo. She had almost forgotten about him. After Harry had left, she had gone on a bit of a rampage, and any reminder of him had fallen victim to the trash or banishment to the top shelf.
Nan must notice her smile because she comes up and cradles her from behind and rests her chin on her shoulder. “It’s funny,” she says, and Y/n looks back at her expectantly. “I also thought that you two would end up together, but I guess I was off by a bit, huh?” She kisses Y/n on the cheek and calls for Ava to follow her downstairs.
Y/n stares at the toy as though it held some sort of secret.
***
She’s lucky she’s home by herself––Jared is off at the pub for his and Sid’s weekly meet-up––because now she has time to unwind and be as antisocial as she wants. Work had been stressful, mostly because the exhibit is set to open next week. And really, all she wants is to be under her favorite blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and just be dead to the world.
Even though she thinks that, however, she can’t help but tap on her phone screen every few minutes. Sure, she likes the time alone, but she also likes being needed. Ava says it’s a control thing, but she really just prefers to be in the know. Lately, Penny’s been spamming her with messages and phone calls about the baby or sometimes it’ll be for a little reassurance. Of course, she’s more than happy to support her. It’s brave of Penny to tackle this alone. The baby’s father is completely out of bounds, so she’s told, and Penny says she’d rather her baby grow up with just a mother than in some dysfunctional setup.
Speaking of dysfunction, she hasn’t been able to properly think straight ever since her visit with Nan. What the elderly woman had told her hadn’t exactly shocked her, per say, but it did have her rethink some of the interactions between her and Harry. It’s ridiculous, really. They’d been best friends since she was eight and he was nine. They know each other’s ins and outs, likes and dislikes, what makes the other laugh and cry. They’re simply comfortable.
Okay. Maybe there had been times where she thought that the possibility of something more was on the table, but that quickly proved to be all in her imagination. She had her boyfriends and he had his girlfriends. She fell in love with his cousin, and he dated her other best friend. Then he left town.
Then he left.
***
Abandoning her original plans for the night, Y/n finds herself at his door.
“Hey,” he greets her, but his warm smile falters when he takes note of her appearance. “What’s with the look? Are you okay?” She doesn’t answer, she’s too taken by the image of him and the way her heart feels like it might burst from her chest to comprise a full sentence. He doesn’t push her, though. He fishes into the pocket of his sweats and pulls out a shapely object wrapped in purple foil. “I-uh, I don’t eat chocolate that much anymore, but they don’t have these in America, so I’ve been snacking on a few of these a week.” It lands itself in her hand. “Just like when we were kids, right?”
It’s a Freddo. A fucking Freddo. Her fingers curl around it.
“You once asked me if I thought that things should’ve been different,” she says. “What did you mean by that?”
Harry doesn’t answer. She tries again.
“Why did you leave, Harry?"
“It’s been so long, I don’t even remember.”
“Don’t lie to me.” She takes one step closer. He evades her eyes, like he’s afraid they’ll speak on their own. Her stomach tightens because it’s all starting to make sense. His words. That embrace. These feelings that have always existed between them. “You left because of me.”
It’s not a question, but a sure statement. He leans against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. She slides a hand up to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. When he finally does, she’s sees it. And her gut says it’s not the first time.
It’s heartache.
She knows because she sees it every time she looks in the mirror. It’s taken her this long to realize it. That hollow feeling that’s been consuming her, it disappeared the day Harry Styles walked back into her life. Once the anger over what he’d done had subsided, she’s felt nothing but joy since.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” She wants to scream.
“You made him happy,” is all he says, almost regretfully. “I couldn’t take that away from him.”
“So, you didn’t even consider how I felt? Harry, I would’ve...would’ve–”
“And that’s why I had to leave!” He wipes both hands down his face in frustration. “We would’ve ended up hurting two people we cared too much about.”
“You don’t know that–”
“If I had tried to kiss you that night, would you have let me?” His gaze bores into her.
Yes. The voice within her screams it over and over. He must already know her answer because he just smiles sadly at the floor. This is why he had done it. He knew that if he had stayed any longer, it would have only been a matter of time before they gave into each other.
It makes her sick.
“I figured if I just took myself out the equation, the rest of you would be spared the heartbreak.” He sighs. “And it worked. You and Jared are about to start a life together, Penny’s got her baby. You’re happy.”
She wants to counter him, but she can’t find the strength. “What about you?” she whispers instead.
He tilts his head to the side. “I came back to prove to myself that I could be happy for you.” His jaw slackens, and he doesn’t continue.
She’s toe to toe with him. “And are you?”
The next thing she knows, her back is against the wall, and her fingers are tangled in his hair. His lips feed her, makes her blood come alive like she’s never lived until now. She kisses him with everything she has. Every drop of anger and every ounce of emotion that burns through her veins. His hands keep her body as close to his as possible, yet, they feel so gentle as they caress her curves like she’s made of glass. It feels so right.
And it shouldn’t.
Just as sudden as it had started, she pushes him away. He doesn’t fight her. Without another word, she leaves his apartment.
***
When she makes it home, Jared is about to get ready for bed. She drops her clothes to the floor, and his soon follow. They fall onto the bed, his teeth gnawing down her jaw while his hand slides down to cup her heat. He asks her if she’s ready once his member is nudged against her opening. She nods, and he pushes into her, just as he’s done many times before.
She tries her best to focus on how good this should feel to have him inside of her, but the more he moves, the more she feels like this is all a mistake. It feels all too similar to when she had given him her virginity. It happened the night after Harry had skipped town. She was upset and wanted to feel something aside from the pain he had caused her. Jared had been there, and things had soon escalated. But it didn’t feel right. Her heart wasn’t in it, and so her body couldn’t give itself the relief it had been searching for.
It hasn’t felt like that since, or maybe she had gotten better at hiding it, just as she’s done with everything else. She had hoped that sex with Jared would put her mind and her heart back into perspective, but instead, she feels even more helpless.
One kiss with Harry had meant more to her than any of this. It fills her with shame because shouldn’t want to be with anyone except Jared, especially when all he’s ever done is love her.
She doesn’t realize it’s over until he rolls off her with a content sigh, then stumbles into the bathroom. He closes the door behind him, and it’s then she feels the tears start to fill the rim of her eyes. Her thighs clasp together as her humiliation fully sets in. She turns on her side and covers her naked body with the blanket that had been pushed to the foot of the bed. Jared returns minutes later, mumbling a goodnight. If he has something else to say, he doesn’t. It takes to the count of five for him to drift to sleep.
***
“I need to cancel the engagement,” she says. Ava gives her a circumspect shrug of the shoulders, like she’s trying not to say the wrong thing. Y/n turns to her, hands twiddling the fingers in her lap from stress. “What do you think I should do?”
Ava looks at her, the pity is obvious on her face. “I don’t know, sis.” She rubs her back. “Are you going to tell Jared about you and Harry?”
“I have to.”
***
She doesn’t have the opportunity to talk to Jared until the night of the exhibit opening since he’d been in Spain on a team trip. It’s eating her up, how she hasn’t told him yet, but at least by the end of today she’ll no longer be holding on to something so big. He had promised to come straight to the gallery once he landed back at Heathrow. His flight was set to get in two hours ago, so it’s only a matter of time now.
More and more people are starting to fill the floor. Most are patrons whom she sees frequently at these events, but there are some new faces mixed in the crowd. She’s lucky that Ava and her grandparents are here to support her, especially when she’ll probably need them afterwards.
“Hey, don’t look so nervous,” Nan tells her. “The place looks great. You know, I overheard that guy in the red Chanel that he’s interested in buying.” Bless her, Y/n thinks. Nan’s always had a way of diffusing the tension, even when she isn’t aware of it.
“I’m happy you guys are here,” Y/n says, and she brings her friend in for a hug.
Nan gives her a confused smile. “Of course, we’re here. We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she proudly declares, and she elbows Gramps in the ribs when he doesn’t contribute. “Honestly, try to look a little alive.”
“I put on a tie, didn’t I?” Gramps rolls his eyes, but then he sends Y/n a wink.
“Where’s Penelope this evening?” Nan asks, scanning the room, brows furrowing. Y/n feels a sweat break out. She just hopes that Penny will understand when she finds out about her feelings for her ex-boyfriend. It’s been years, sure, but there has to be some kind of friendship code that prohibits this sort of thing. “And where’s that fiancé of yours? He should be here with you.”
“Probably just got stuck in traffic,” Y/n says, but honestly, she’s reveling the extra time she has to prepare.
Nan hooks arms with Ava and Gramps, and they walk the floor while Y/n greets a few of her guests. Her dad is one of them, no surprise there. He pecks her on the side of the head and lets out a perplexed sound as he gazes at all the art.
“I feel like I should understand this kind of thing by now,” he muses, gesturing to the portrait of naked man made from duct tape and spoons. “Anything after 2003 is lost to me. I just don’t get it.”
“Are you proud of me?” Y/n shocks herself with the question.
Matthew looks stunned himself. “Why would you ask something like that? You know that I am.” He pulls her aside, so they have a little more privacy. “Sweetheart, is everything okay?” There’s worry in his eyes.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” she appeases, “I just wanted to hear it.” Her dad doesn’t respond but hugs her tight. They stay like that for a moment, she’s always felt safe in his arms, until she feels them loosen around her. She looks up at him, his look somewhere else. When she follows it, her heart skips a beat.
“Harry!” Matthew takes his hand and shakes it. “I haven’t seen you in a full two hours!”
The younger man lets out a slight chuckle. “It’s been unbearable. I just can’t keep away.” He turns to her. “Congratulations.”
A nod is all she can afford.
Matthew looks between the two of them, and their situation feels almost familiar. He coughs into his hand and excuses himself as he chases a waiter down the west wing.
“Can we talk?” Harry asks her.
She purses her lips to the side. There’s so much she wants to say to him, but she’s afraid of what she might do.
Against her better judgement, she leads him into her office. She leaves the door open behind her in the off chance that things intensify. She doesn’t need any more guilt on her plate. (But she wishes he wasn’t wearing such a properly fit suit. It’s far too distracting for the seriousness of the situation.)
Leaning against her desk, arms crossed over her chest, she waits for him to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
“It was both our doing,” she stresses. If you asked her who had kissed who first, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. “We just...got caught up in the moment.” I let my heart dictate my actions.
He looks hurt by her words but doesn’t press her on it. “I should’ve stopped it. I always wondered what it would feel like to kiss you, and when it happened, I...” He shakes his head, and she’s thankful that he’ll never finish that sentence. She’s already heard it in her mind. Hearing out loud would cause both of them too much agony.
“I know,” she rasps. “I can’t stand here and say that I didn’t want it, but–”
“you don’t want to hurt him.” She smiles appreciatively, though, sadly. In another life, maybe they would have a chance. This one doesn’t have a place for them. Even if she ends things with Jared, it doesn’t erase the fact that they’re family. She could never start anything with Harry without him getting hurt. It’s a matter of acceptance now.
This must have been what Harry had been feeling when he had left. As much as it hurts to remember, she thinks she at least understands it better.
“I need air,” she says, not wanting to entertain those thoughts further, “join me?” She grabs her phone from her desk. It’s getting late, and she’s starting to worry about Jared.
They leave her office and start towards the back door that some of her staff use when they want a smoke. She usually avoids it for that reason, but it was getting too stuffy in there. Her lungs will forgive her if she takes this one moment to herself. Her screen unlocks, and just as she’s about to press on her fiancé’s name, Harry pushes the door open and she looks up as the evening breeze brushes her face and then...
“What the hell is this?” She drops her phone to the ground.
Jared and Penny pull away from each other, but the space between them is nearly nonexistent. The latter meets her with scared eyes that soon begin to fill up. One hand covers her mouth as she chokes on a sob or maybe even fear, while the other clasps over her swollen belly. Y/n’s eyes drift down to it. It clicks.
“Y/n...” Jared starts, he’s breathing heavily. “Let me–”
“That’s why you couldn’t tell me his name,” she says shakily. It’s directed at Penelope. “You couldn’t tell me because it was him.” The night Penelope had come over unannounced after her alleged date cancellation at the same time Jared had cancelled his own plans. “I’ll make sure he knows what he’s missing.” And that’s exactly what she had done, and right under her nose. They’d have been sneaking around behind her back for months.
“We d-didn’t mean for it to get this far...” Penny tries to explain, she steps out from behind Jared’s shadow. The usually confident blonde has lost several inches of height. She says something else, but it’s like Y/n’s just drowned out all the noise. Her eyes still haven’t left Penelope’s stomach.
She wants to hate her. She should hate her. But she’s just an innocent victim caught in her parents’ web of lies. Then she grits her teeth at Jared. How far he’s fallen from the pedestal she’d put him on. Now she’s certain that she had inflated his image in her spiraling guilt for having feelings for another man. To think that only minutes ago she was about to plead for his forgiveness for kissing Harry, when all this time he’d been fucking her closest friend.
“Jared,” his name weighs like venom on her tongue, “I want you out of the apartment by tonight.”
She just runs. Down the alleyway, ignoring all the calls of her name behind her. Harry’s voice is by far the loudest. There’s a thud, followed by a scream. However tempted she is to look back, her legs have developed a mind of their own and lead her towards the busy sidewalk. The bright streetlights burn her eyes, but she doesn’t stop.
She keeps going until she finds the first empty cab. Getting in without a second to hesitate, she closes the door and tells the man behind the wheel to just go.
“Where to?” he asks her. Her first instinct is to go home and lock herself in her room, but she realizes that she’ll probably have to confront Jared again, and that’s not going to happen. Her second and third options are still at the gallery, completely oblivious to all the night’s revelations. There’s just one other person on that list, so Y/n gives the driver the address.
***
It takes less than twenty minutes for her to end up in front of a building with bright blue doors and window panels to match. She climbs the steps, one wobbly footstep at a time, but only hesitating once. Her knuckles curl at her sides, until lifting them up to knock against the heavy wood. Light from inside peeks through the curtains.
A woman appears in the open threshold, that faint light from inside creating a halo around her figure. She looks unreal, like something straight out of a storybook. Her ethereal face just as kind as Y/n remembers. It’s the most immaculate she’s ever been.
Y/n feels herself lose the battle with the emotions she had managed to keep on leash from just one look from her.
With a whimper, her mouth struggle with the words. “Hi, Mum.”
***
Grace sets her up in the guest room and supplies her with a cup of tea and biscuits. As she’s setting it down on the bedside table, Y/n can’t help but take note of her appearance. It’s been nearly twenty years since she had last seen her mother, but why is that she’s never looked younger? Her eyes no longer have the eternal vacancy that had highlighted her once slack expression.
She looks happy.
“Thank god I did the shopping earlier this week, huh?” Grace muses, opening up a new pack of biscuits. Each word to leave her lips feels smooth against her ears. “I’ve developed a bit of a sweet tooth in my old age.” Y/n doesn’t know if she appreciates her efforts to make conversation, but it does give her time to think about what exactly she wants to say.
They drink their tea in hushed sips, like they’re afraid that any loud slurping might cause some offence. Y/n stares down into the contents of her cup, annoyed that it’s the perfect color. A part of her had wished that she could find something to fault her with.
“So,” Grace hums, tapping melodically on the porcelain in her hands. “You want to tell me why you’re here?”
Y/n barely lifts her head as her hands strangle the air with frustrated rigidness. “I’ve spent my entire life trying not to become you.” From her decision to follow her dad’s wishes, to keeping appearances for a relationship that she now knows was destined for destruction, she’d made every choice for everyone else.
Grace doesn’t respond, but her mouth parts with a staggered breath.
“I wanted to believe that I was happy. I wanted to do what you never did because I didn’t want to hurt the people I was supposed to love.” All the years she’d never confronted these feelings have ultimately resulted to this. “You broke us,” she says, staring her directly in the eyes. “You ruined every image I had of love.” The anxiousness that had put her through hell had to come from this. The truth is, she couldn’t break it off with Jared because she didn’t want to hurt him in the same way that her mother had hurt her dad. That’s it. She ignored every gut feeling that told her it wasn’t right because of the bitterness she felt towards her mother.
“The choices we make aren’t genetic,” Grace says softly.
“Aren’t they, though?” she shrieks. She bounces to her feet and paces in front of the bed. “Penelope’s mother was the other woman, and now Penelope is pregnant with my fiancé’s baby! You ran away from your family because you couldn’t forget him.”
By that, she means her mother’s new husband, the one she had left them for. It had been during her last year at university that Y/n had discovered the truth. He had been her professor for her art history class. She recognized him from a picture she had once seen in her mother’s jewelry box. She just hadn’t put two and two together until then. “And I...I can’t forget the person I’ve loved since I was eight. What makes us different, Mum?”
Grace holds her chin close to her body. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “But tell me this. Why haven’t you planned your wedding?”
This causes Y/n’s pacing to cease. She stands at her mother’s knees, blinking rapidly. “How would you know anything that goes on with me?”
Her mother stands up as well. They’re about the same height.
“I know it’ll make never make up for what I did but believe me. I’ve never stopped trying to be in your lives...even if it was from afar.” Her hand is shaking as she reaches up to cup Y/n’s cheek so she can wipe away her tears. “I was there when you won all your art shows back in school. I was there when you graduated university.” She’s crying her own tears now. “And I was excited for you when you got engaged three years ago.”
Y/n doesn’t let herself give in. She pulls away. “It was supposed to be a long engagement.”
“Is that what you keep telling yourself?” Grace looks at her pointedly. Y/n’s bottom lip starts to quiver. Her mother grasps her by the shoulders. “Maybe that’s what makes you different from me. You stopped pretending before it was too late, you just hadn’t realized it.”
“Is that supposed to make me a good person?” Y/n challenges.
“No,” Grace answers honestly, but she sighs with a small smile. “But it makes you a better person than me.”
***
She doesn’t recall ever falling asleep, but she can still feel her mother’s hand stroking her hair as she had laid her head on the pillow. The morning sun shines through the curtains of the unfamiliar room and greet her with slithers of light by her feet. Waking up here feels strange, but she’s experienced comfort that she hasn’t felt in so long.
The rug-lined steps make little to no sound as she makes her way downstairs. From the bottom, she can hear two voices talking in hushed tones from the kitchen. One is unmistakably her mothers, while the other is deep and manly. She isn’t sure how to make approach them, suddenly feeling self-conscious for having intruded. But soon enough, her mum catches sight of her and invites her to take the stool beside her. Y/n walks in, passing her mother’s husband, who smiles kindly at her. She had liked him as a professor before she had found about his private life.
“Good morning,” Grace says. “Lawrence’s just been to the bakery.” She pushes a box full of a variety of goodies. “Eat as much as you want.”
Y/n picks up a croissant and gingerly pulls it apart. She avoids how her mother and her husband gage in her every movement.
“Did you sleep well?” It’s Lawrence who asks her. She nods. Lawrence and her mother share a look, and through their eyes they seem to converse. It reminds her a lot of how she and Harry had always been able to tell what the other was thinking without having to verbalize. Lawrence finishes up his cup of coffee, then circles around the island and kisses his wife on the cheek. “I’m just going to pop to the store,” he says. She catches the back of his head before he disappears.
“I thought you said you had just done the shopping?” Y/n asks her mother. The older woman shrugs, continuing to pick at her breakfast. Oh. She sees that there’s apparently more to talk about. Y/n does in fact have a few more questions she wants to ask, if anything more than to talk to someone who knows what she’s going through. She takes a deep breath. “Are you happy?” The words feel awkward as they leave her mouth. Grace looks at her, questioningly. She nods towards the door. “With him?”
“Yes.”
Y/n’s heart breaks for her father.
“He’s my best friend,” Grace says dreamily. “I’ve known him all my life. Loved him about the same.” Y/n feels goosebumps startle her skin.
“So,” Y/n treads cautiously, “was he worth it?”
“There are things that I would have done differently when it came to you and your sister, given the chance,” her mother sighs, but when she looks at her with those eyes that are so full of light and what she guesses must only be love, Y/n gets it. “But otherwise I’d choose him all over again.”
***
She knocks impulsively on his front door, not caring if his new neighbors think she’s out of her mind insane. Her limbs are tight with anticipation, especially when she hears the scuffle of feet against well-polished hardwood.
Harry stands in the open doorway dressed in a white t-shirt and black joggers, and an adorably confused look floating in his sleepy eyes. But when he registers her before him, it’s like he’d been hit by lightning and suddenly jolted awake.
“Has anything changed?” she asks, almost pleadingly. He just stares at her, frustrating her already exhausted nerves. She hadn’t come all this way after a rollercoaster of a night to not get an answer. “Am I...Am I still all that’s in...” And rests her hand where his heart is.
Her own heart leaps in her chest when his dimples emerge from his cheeks. He lays his own hand over hers, stepping towards her but also pulling her incredibly close. “It’s always been you.”
And no words have ever made her cry out of shear joy. She laughs, or maybe it’s more of a wet giggle, before throwing her arms around his neck and bringing him in for a scorching kiss. Unlike their first kiss, this one is filled solely with everything they hadn’t allowed themselves to feel. He nips on her bottom lip, and her mouth parts and welcomes his tongue to explore every unchartered inch. He grasps her both her thighs and carries her to his bedroom.
She can’t believe she’s gone this long without knowing his touch. Every movement of against her skin, and every exploration of forbidden pleasure makes her stomach coil and beg for more. He lays her down on his bed, his body hovering over hers like he’s afraid she might slip away.
He leans in a little lower, and she gasps when she feels him hard against her hip. “We don’t have to do anything,” he gulps, pressing his forehead to hers. “You’ve been through a lot, and I just want you to know that–” but he doesn’t get to finish because she shuts him up with the fire in her eyes. She loves him for everything he is, even when he’s being selfless to a fault.
“We’ve waited too long for this,” she breathes against his lips. “Let’s choose us.”
A low throaty moan surges from of her as he grinds himself against her, sending currents of electrifying energy down to her aching entrance. Her mind becomes cloudier with his every caress. His hot breath against her longing flesh only intensifies her need.
“Please,” she begs, fingers working on the hem of his shirt. “I want you. God, please I want to feel you.”
He chuckles softly as she whines, pecking her again. “Patience, love,” he teases. His lips glide down to her ear, his breath sending shivers down her inflamed body. “Show me where you want me.”
Taking reign of his hand and guiding down the front of her front, she smirks at him. His pants become unbelievably tight as she lets him linger over her chest, her head falling back when the warmth of his hand flicks over her pebbled nipple. “You want me between your pretty little tits? Is that what my girl wants?” His girl. Nothing in this moment could sound so perfect than the words to have just left his lips. It’s enough for her to want to bring him in for another impassioned kiss, but she restrains, shaking her head mischievously as he squeezes gently on her breast. She leads him further down, his palm sliding down her abdomen.
“Here.” She slots her fingers through the spaces between his and their tips graze the base of her dress, toying with the flimsy material until finally slipping beneath. He groans as his skin comes into contact with her pussy emanating all that delicious heat.
“Fuck, you’re so wet.” She rubs against him just enough for him to feel her center through her panties, and he swears to her that he might come then and there. Wasting no time, she pulls his shirt over her head, only breaking their kiss to appreciate all the tattoos on his sculpted chest. When she’d seen them before, it had only been for a quick few seconds, and she’d been far too flustered to take anything more than a peek. But now she can’t help herself, and she lets her fingers dance across the ink, the point of her nails tracing over the edge of every design. She spends the most time on the moth, or maybe it’s a butterfly, she couldn’t say.
All she knows is that something about it makes her feel at peace, like she’ll always be safe as long as he's there beside her.
She tears her eyes away from his chest to find him looking at her as though she were everything that’s right with the world. “You’re so beautiful,” he tells her, and she just beams, eyes looking back at him with such sincerity.
He kisses the side of her mouth before descending along her body He takes his time, his lips pressing over every possible inch of her, leaving no surface neglected. Where his hands had been prior, he takes an erect mound in his mouth, tongue swirling around in through its covering. Each touch leaves her breathless, her back arching in intense anticipation the further down he goes. When his nose nudges at the bottom of her skirt, she lets out another frustrated whine, and he chuckles softly at how her abdomen sucks in as the stubble on his chin prickles goosebumps across her skin.
“Please, just. . .” and the final remains of her inhibitions drain from the tips of her fingers and toes. “I want your cock inside me.”
“Christ, you’ve got a filthy mouth.” And he tears her dress from her body and pulls her panties down her silky legs, leaving her completely bare before his eyes. From a pale green, the color of his irises darkens with a fierce and pounding desire. It sends vibrations down to her pussy and all she wants is for him to bury his face in her dripping arousal. She bites harshly on her lip once he licks between her slick folds. “So sweet,” he mutters, his lips slipping through the barriers to find her sensitive little nub. “I could just stay here forever.”
“Harry. . .” she gasps, fisting the sheets as her hips lift off the mattress. “It feels so good.” Her legs hang over his shoulders as he encourages her to ride his face until she’s begging to release all over his tongue. “Oh god, don’t stop.”
One of his long fingers that had been drawing small little circles on the inner part of her thigh smooths over her damp skin until it forges its way into her glistening heat. The other hand moves down his own figure, undoing the button of his jeans and sliding past the waistband of his boxers.
As the knot in her stomach twists with tremendous force, it pushes her closer and closer to the edge. He inserts another finger, the two digits piston in and out of her, working harmoniously with his skilled mouth. She screams out, her back arching to an almost impossible degree. It all becomes too much for her, bursts of light flashing behind her eyelids.
“I’m gonna come,” she moans, cheek pressed deep into the pillow, eyes shut tightly to welcome the stars as she lets go with cacophonous convulsions.
“That’s my good girl, come all over my tongue. That’s it, that’s a good girl.”
He climbs back up her body, a content smile awaiting him when their faces become level with each other. Another exchange of ardent kisses, and she feels herself tingle at the taste of her on his lips. Even after her orgasm, she already craves for another, but this time she wants nothing more but to feel him stuffed inside of her. She wraps a leg around his hip, the edge of her foot pressed against the side of his ass as she presses her core into his bulge.
“I need to be inside of you.” He leaps off the bed to push off the last pieces of constrictive clothing. His cock springs free, flushed red at the tip and just desperate for her amorous touch.
And he’s big, she had always had an inkling, but to see it in the flesh is a whole new sensation quivering between her thighs. “It’s so big,” her thoughts become vocalized.
With his knees back onto the bed, she grabs his shoulders and pulls him down lower, his elbows planking on either side of her. “Feel how hard I am for you?” He hisses as her warm hand wraps around him, her thumb swiping along a dribble of precum. She lathers him in his own arousal. “Think you can handle my cock?”
She’s completely in awe, and her mind runs untamed with fantasies of how it would feel hitting that special spot deep in her cunt, every rigid vein carving its impression in her walls. “You know I can,” she dares him.
“Fuck.” He kisses her deeply, his hand taking ahold of his cock and glazing it with the remnants of her last climax and gliding just between her wet folds. “One last time–” he swallows hard as he pulls away from his lips, “–are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I...”
Their eyes meet, a wordless understanding worth more than any spoken language as she cups his cheeks.
The entire length of him slides into her tight hole until he bottoms out, his balls pressing against her taut ass. She feels undeniably full, never having experienced such exhilaration in her life as Harry’s bare cock stretches her out completely.
“Just slid right in,” he grunts, dropping his face into the crook of her neck. He bites down and sucks greedily on the spot until he’s made his mark. She gasps in mild pain, but it feels too good to know that she can finally be his. He pulls all the way out, before slamming back in with ease, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as her walls flutter around him. “It feels like you were made for me” She feels marvelously tight, squeezing him for all he’s worth. All she can do is nod, her voice caught in her throat as his thrusts become harder and faster. “It’s all mine now, your pussy, your lips. You’re all mine.”
“I’m yours, all yours, Harry.” She wraps her arms around his shoulders. “God, your big cock feels so good in my tight pussy.” Nails dig into his back as they run down and carve crescents into his flexed and sweaty muscles.
They move flawlessly in sync as she rises up to greet his every thrust with just as much excitement and fervor. Both their bodies are on fire, a pressure building up at their very core and threatening to unravel at any moment. His balls tighten, and he knows he won’t last for much longer. He looks down between them, his cock completely soaked with her with the most sinful sounds resonating whenever he pushes in and out of her delightful heat. “I love you,” he breathes into her ear, his fingers indenting into the plush of her hips. He loses any sense of rhythm he might have started out with, his movements becoming more and more urgent as he chases after his high.
“I love you.” Her second orgasm fast approaches, she feels it thrill every one of her nerves as though currents of electricity were running through her veins. She’s so close, and her hand slips between their sweaty chests to rub desperately on her clit. Her head is spinning with an aspiration to reach the brink of ecstasy.
“Come all over my cock,” he pleads as he pushes into her with incredible force. “Want to feel you come around me.”
And that’s it for her. A wave of pleasure crashes over her and she cries out with a high-pitched moan. Her legs hugging him so tightly that he barely manages to move. She rides it out, rolling her hips to feel him continuously poke that special spot. Soon enough, her mind is on a cloud, the rest of her body soaking up the bliss of the moment.
His movements only become more erratic, and the breath leaves her body once he releases inside of her. Hot white ribbons shoot out and paint her walls with the image of a sensational love. It warms her center, her lips turning up in a lazy smile as he remains within her even after the final drop has left his tip.
Once they’re heaving chests calm to a natural pace, he collapses on top of her, arms willing their way between her and the mattress to gather her into a tender embrace. She scratches the back of his head and sighs contently.
“To think we could’ve been doing that for,” and she counts the years on each one of her fingers.
Harry chuckles in between her breasts, then reaches up and plants a quick but sweet kiss to her lips. “How long are you going to be holding onto that one?”
She pretends to think, her mouth quirking to the side as her brows furrow in contemplation. “Until we make up for all that wasted time.”
***
“I got you something.” She looks up at him, her body still wrapped in his arms as they lay naked in his bed. Memories of what feels like another life flip through her head.
“Is this what déjà vu feels like?”
He rolls his eyes. “Do you want it or not?”
Smiling, she kisses enthusiastically and nods her head. He gets up, and she has to stop herself from frowning when they lose all contact. She sinks into the sheets and waits impatiently for him to come back. Listening to him rummage through his closet, then to the growling of her tummy–and she makes a quick mental note to ask him to order something for them in a while––she tries to relive every detail from the last few hours in her head. She didn’t know that sex was supposed to feel so good.
“You told me that you hadn’t drawn in almost ten years,” he states, making his way back to the bed, but this time, with a bag clutched in his hands. He places it in her lap, then slips between her and the headboard, arms going back to their initial position. “Maybe it’s time you started back up.”
Y/n opens the enclosed wrappings. Inside the bag is a new sketchbook and a carton of 9H pencils. She carefully grazes her fingers above them. There’s a feeling in her chest, like she’s just been reunited with an old friend.
“But what would I even draw?” She’d lost all sight of that part of her life, and it seems unlikely that those creative juices will just come trickling back to her now.
Harry kisses the side of her head, and she leans into him easily.
“Whatever inspires you.”
It’s just that easy. She closes her eyes and reflects on what has always made her feel any bit positive. Ava and her bluntness; her dad and his sense of duty to his family; Nan and Gramps and their playful bickering; Nan and her proclivity for gossip; Gramps and his hatred for ties. All of them had been a comfort to her, even when she hadn’t realized it. They were part of what had kept her afloat.
Feeling Harry’s heartbeat press up against her back, she knows that she’ll never have to worry about drowning. She opens her sketchbook to its first clean page and lets herself be happy.
***
“Thanks for meeting us here,” Jared says, offering her a modest grin. “I would’ve understood if you didn’t want to.” Penny nods beside him. Jared had texted her and asked if she would meet them for lunch, so that they could talk. At first, Y/n didn’t think that necessary. What was the point when it was all out in the open now? But with some convincing from Harry, she realized that she had to confront this.
“There’s no moving on if we don’t talk about it.” Y/n takes the seat across from Penny. She looks at the girl she’d consider a sister, studying her rounded and healthier features. Pregnancy looks good on her. “You look good.”
Penny smiles thankfully. “So do you.”
They talk about everything, even the stuff that feels like it should hurt. But it doesn’t. Clarity exists where it hadn’t before. She tells them that about Harry, and apparently it isn’t much of a shock to anyone, which shocks her. Jared then admits to having had all these doubts about their relationship but had stuck through it because of his own insecurities. That had had hit close to home for Y/n. It’s somewhat of a relief that she hadn’t been the only one who felt that what they had was temperamental.
“You were there for me when I was at my worst, and for that, I’ll always love you,” Jared sighs, reaching across the table and taking her hand. “But...”
“That’s all we were meant to be.”
He nods sadly, pulling back. His other arm is around Penny’s chair, and Y/n can see his fingers playing with the ends of her ponytail.
Penny must notice this, and she quickly shrugs him away. “Sorry,” she mutters.
Y/n shakes her head. “It’s fine,” she waves it off. “This was good. At least now we can all carry on with our lives.” She gets out of her chair. “Good luck,” she says to the both of them. Then she looks directly at Penny. “I know you’re worried about making all the same mistakes as your mum, but...” she smiles, “someone said to me that mistakes aren’t genetic. I know you. And I know how much you love your baby. Just promise me you’ll be there for her.”
With that she turns towards the exit. Before she can get far, however, she feels a hand grab her own. She looks back, and it’s Penny. Her eyes are teary, and her chest lifts erratically. “Do you think that...” she swallows, “...that you’ll ever forgive me?”
“Do I still get to be called auntie?”
Penny lets out a stifled giggle. “Yes.”
Y/n touches her comfortingly on the shoulder. “Then, one day.”
She walks out of there feeling completely at peace with herself.
***
Two Years Later
The newest exhibit proves to be a hit. It’s smaller than its predecessors, this time only containing the work from a single artist.
She and Harry walk hand-in-hand, greeting all of guests and just enjoying each other’s company. Gramps isn’t moping as much as he usually does, and she thinks it’s because Nan’s bought him a clip-on tie that doesn’t strangle him around the neck. Ava and Nan are gossiping with some potential investors, while her dad tries to apologize on their behalf.
On the other side, her mum and Lawrence discuss color theory in relation to one of the spotlight pieces. She catches a glimpse of the civility between her parents when they catch each other’s eyes from across the room.
“I think it’s the gallery’s best showcase yet,” Harry tells her and kisses her on the lips. “Really, I don’t see how anything might top this.”
Y/n laughs. “You’re just trying to get laid.”
Harry wags his eyebrows. “Is it working?” She doesn’t need to give him an answer with words, so instead, she pulls him by the lapels of his jacket and their lips meet in another sweet kiss.
They stop in front of the piece in the very back, the one that’s drawn in the most viewers. They squeeze through the polluted crowd until they’re close enough to the front. He wraps his arms around her, and they both admire its beauty.
Two kids laid out on the grass; eyes closed with content smiles on their faces. The sky above them, a product of their combined imaginations as well as the excitement of hopes and dreams.
Below the canvas is a placcard with the painting’s information.
Y/n Styles, Purple Clouds and Tangerine Skies.
***
A/N: HOPE YOU LIKED IT!
#harry styles#harry style imagine#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles writing#harry styles au#one direction#writing
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I really liked your aisha meta about her bonding and i was wondering what you think is her biggest weakness? And the other characters too if that's okay. Thank you:)
Oh thank you!! Hmm I had to think about this one for a second but I'll try to give you some good answers! Though to be fair, I think most of what I listed are things that have already been said aljdhgjladg
I do want to note, I think all of the major characters had room for growth and self-development especially within the first three seasons. We all know that characterization made a huge nose dive after season 4, so I'm not really going to be talking about the later seasons as they aren't super representative of their personalities (however, i will occasionally mention them for certain characters). \
Anyway, onto our beloved characters mental issues and why they should all be in therapy <3
The Winx
Bloom: I think Bloom is actually a very well rounded main character! She has positives and negatives and those don't often conflate with each other (and I think most of her "too perfect" characterization comes from later seasons). Because of that, I had a hard time thinking about what her biggest weakness is because,, she has a few. However, I think something that stays very consistent throughout the series is her escapism. Bloom is a major escapist, especially when she's feeling unworthy. She has a lot on her plate! And a lot of people rely on her, which naturally can lead to some pretty heavy thoughts ("Am I doing the right thing?" "Do I deserve to be the leader?" "What if they're safer without me?"), however those feelings, when they become too much, often leave her feeling like people are truly better off without her. Then she runs off to Gardenia or she shuts people out or she takes on some dangerous mission just to get away from people. Her escapism often leaves everyone, including her, feeling shitty and it would've been nice to see her grow from that.
Stella: Hmmm, so again most of the early characterization gave the characters a couple of weaknesses so I had a hard time thinking of what Stella's biggest one would be. However, something that I've always noticed about Stella that's always made me feel bad, is her extreme I Need To Fit In Or No One Will Love Me attitude. And obviously that goes into her childhood and upbringing, but it's something that stays with her even after meeting the Winx and having all those You're Perfect The Way You Are talks with Bloom. She often changes her personality/attitude/emotions to fit what she thinks other people will like most. But that heavily goes into her insecurities of thinking people only like her because she's pretty or a princess. Stella's a smart girl and she notices how people respond to what she's doing. But when she's changing something about herself to get others to like her and they respond positively to it? That's horrible for her overall self-esteem and to her just confirms her fears that people don't love her for her true self.
Edit: I absolutely don't want to come off as if I'm saying Stella's personality is fake! Here's a further explanation for hers!
Flora: I think some people might disagree with me on this one, but I genuinely believe Flora's biggest weakness is how often she rushes into something. On one hand, it's admirable and shows how strong she is, but on the other hand, it says a lot about how she lets her emotions run her and often doesn't think things through when someone she loves is in danger or she thinks she needs to do something Right Now. Unless someone else prompts it, Flora often doesn't plan or try to think things through rationally. I don't think it's a bad thing to be in tune with your emotions, but it can become a weakness when you only ever think with your heart and what it's feeling at That Moment In Time. Instead of trying to think rationally or make a plan, Flora often just follows her heart immediately, but that can be a bad thing when her heart is hurting and she's not thinking clearly.
Aisha: It's definitely her attitude of needing to appear emotionally strong all the time. Aisha gives more of herself than she receives from others and a lot of that comes from her need to be seen as Reliable and Good. However, that often means she doesn't get the time to sit with how she's feeling or she pushes her emotions down. She doesn't want people to know that she's feeling upset because she doesn't want people to feel bad for her or use their energy to comfort her. Aisha is definitely a "other people have it worse so what happened to me doesn't matter" kind of person and that's often what hurts her the most. She doesn't let herself be vulnerable and often only does so when she truly can't handle it by herself anymore. And I think this heavily goes into her childhood and how she's had to be independent from a very young age. Aisha doesn't know how to let other people in.
Tecna: Hmmm, on one hand I'd like to say it's her internal battle with her logical side vs her emotional side,, so I'm going to. Personally, I think Tecna is a lot better at emotions than she gives herself credit for, and I think that's her biggest weakness. She doesn't give herself any credit when it's something that doesn't come naturally to her. Tecna had to work on being more emotive and reading other people's emotions correctly and by S2 she's already doing so much better than she was, but she refuses to recognize that. Tecna is so stuck in the "what if i'm too logical/not emotional enough and my friends hate me because of it" headspace that she doesn't even see the progess she has made. Honestly, Tecna being too logical/not emotional enough hasn't been a real issue for years and she doesn't even realize that. It's a little ironic actually, she's so caught up in her emotions about being too logical she can't see how far she's come.
Musa: Her trust issues. Personally, I think Musa's biggest weakness is her problem with trusting people. Because she just.. doesn't. Musa has a really hard time letting people in (for rightful reasons) but she once she does let them in, she has a hard time trusting them too. This is most obvious with her relationship with Riven, but it also comes out with the Winx! She's constantly scared that people are going to leave her or that they don't really like her or that they do like her but she's going to end up driving them away and all of that negatively impacts her relationship with others. She just,, doesn't trust people and has an even harder time trusting herself. I think if Musa had been allowed to truly work through that, she would be much happier.
The Specialists
Sky: I think Sky's biggest weakness is pretty obvious! It's that he does not know how to interact with people. I think I'm one of the few people that doesn't actually hate Sky. I hate that, just like the other characters, he had room for improvement and self-realization, which got scrapped almost instantly for Perfect Prince Sky. Sky, like most of the other royal characters, grew up pretty lonely (and his parents are abslute shit). The only other people he would ever talk to are members of his family, other royals, or people who weren't royal but were close enough to it (ie Brandon and even Diaspro depending on which canon you go by). Because of this, Sky has a really hard time interacting with people in a casual setting. He's great in royal settings and all their missions, but that's because he's allowed to and supposed to act all serious and Business Like. When it comes to talking to people in casual settings, he often fails because he doesn't understand "normal" people and he's never been allowed to just,, sort through his own feelings. It would've been amazing to Sky grow from this, because even in the first season you see hints of Sky rejecting royalty and wanting to be normal. MAN I wish Sky got proper characterization, he would've been so much better if he did.
Brandon: Oh man,, I had a really hard time with this one, because Brandon honestly doesn't have a lot of weaknesses? I think something that could be considered a weakness is that,, he's very devoted once he decides he cares about someone. Which isn't bad! But it often puts him in dangerous situations because he wants to save someone. Like anytime Sky gets into trouble, Brandon is for sure right by his side. Or if someone messes with Stella? Brandon's there. And again, this definitely isn't a Bad Thing, but it can put his own life in danger. And in their line of work it often does. However, I do think this is mostly evened out because of Brandon's ability to call for help and think of a plan. He doesn't often just jump into things unless it's absolutely necessary. He's able to think things through clearly and strategize. Sorry anon but I honestly can't think of any Big Weakness for Brandon, because most of his weaknesses are evened out by some positive. (Like, I was going to say he's a bit of a pushover but,, is he? Then I thought well maybe it's because he's ready to die for Sky,, but like. That's his job? Idk man,, any Brandon stans wanna chime in please?)
Timmy: Hmmm I, once again, had some troubles with this one. Timmy has a few weaknesses, mostly in the insecurity region, but I had a hard time figuring out what his Biggest Weakness is. After some thought, I think it's his eagerness to prove himself, specifically when he doesn't need to. I think this definitely evened out in the later seasons once he got some confidence, but in the early seasons Timmy really wanted to prove himself. He wanted to prove that he was a good specialist, a good friend, a good partner,, just,, everything. He was really set out to prove that he was capable of things. This often put him in dangerous situations that he couldn't handle or something he could handle but was too nervous to. It didn't help that in early seasons some of the other characters doubted his abilities (cough tecna cough). But again, I think this really evened out by S4 and it's not a big problem anymore.
Riven: Ugh goodness where to start.. I think Riven's biggest weakness is actually a mix of Musa's and Timmy's. Riven has a hard time trusting people, especially himself, and he's constantly trying to prove himself. He wants to be seen as reliable and Good and that's where a lot of his competition with other characters, mostly Sky, comes in. But that heavily mixes with his distrust and hatred toward himself. I think most of his Trying To Prove Himself is actually him trying to prove something to himself. He's constantly looking down on himself and that need to prove and be better than other people is a product of that. And I think that's also why he has problems with letting people in. Obviously, he has some general trust issues, with wondering if people just don't like him and what not, but a lot of it is not trusting himself and not letting people get close to him because of that. Riven's biggest weakness is that he doesn't give himself any credit for the progress he's made and is constantly doubting whether or not he's a good person. And that messes with his relationships a lot because he thinks he's not good enough to be around people and that sparks his need to to prove himself. And even when his friends do try to comfort him or say he's enough, he doubts that too. Riven has a lot of problems but most of them go into how much he hates himself.
Helia: Well, as one of the resident Helia stans, I've thought about this a lot. And I've got to say, his biggest weakness is his complete inability to talk about himself. A lot of people think Helia is really good at talking about emotions, but that's only partially true. He's good at talking about other people's emotions. When it comes to himself,,, he's a mess. Helia is consistently really bad at sharing his feelings and even just general tidbits about his life (evidenced by all the times he does/says something and the others get surprised because they never knew that,, years into their friendship). However, this often strains his relationships with people because they end up thinking he hates them or doesn't trust them or something else. While I have my own issues with the later seasons, S5 did a really good job at focusing on this in the show (when it really only ever got hinted at or shown in the comics). The whole Flora/Helia/Krystal thing was a major product of Helia never sharing anything about his own life and Flora's insecurities over if she's good enough. With the mix of being able to talk to people about their feelings, but never his own, it creates this really awkward situation of people just like,, not knowing things about him and then doubting their relationship, but then not being confident enough to express that because Helia still talks to them about their feelings so he must care about them!! .. but does he? It's this internal struggle of he's obviously a friend but why doesn't he ever share anything about himself?? This is even shown in his relationship with Saladin, a literal family member!
I'm.. gonna stop here for now ajghaljdhglj I'm sorry this got so long! And that some of them were shorter than others..
#i did the specialists too because i wanted to talk about timmy and i would feel bad if i only included him#sorry this got so long but i hope you enjoy nonetheless#let me know your thoughts though! especially if you disagree! as long as youre not rude about it i love to hear what others think about thi#winx club#winx meta#answered#anonymous#i didnt proofread this sorry if theres mistakes ahgdljadg#mine.metas
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There is a popular quote that circulates every once in a while that reads “One person can make a difference and everyone should try.”
This individual holds a special place in my heart and also the hearts of many long-time Peace Page followers, who found this page after reading a simple story which mentioned her and which became one of the most popular posts on the Peace Page.
Her name is Harriet Glickman, she is the teacher who decided to write a letter to Charles Schulz and ask him if he could create a black character on his Peanuts comic strip - that character would become Franklin, one of the first black characters in a popular comic strip.
Harriet Glickman passed away Friday morning, March 27, 2020, at her home in Sherman Oaks. She was 93. Her passing was reported by a Peanuts-based website, which quoted a personal friend who said, her passing was "peaceful, in her sleep" and that the former schoolteacher had been "well prepared for this."
They say representation matters, and Franklin, even though he was a fictional character, was noticed by many who did not feel they were being represented enough during those days.
The original Peace Page post started:
"On July 31, 1968, a young, black man was reading the newspaper when he saw something that he had never seen before. With tears in his eyes, he started running and screaming throughout the house, calling for his mom. He would show his mom, and, she would gasp, seeing something she thought she would never see in her lifetime. Throughout the nation, there were similar reactions.
"What they saw was Franklin Armstrong's first appearance on the iconic comic strip "Peanuts."
Although Charles Schulz deserves the accolades and credit for having the courage to create Franklin and standing by him when he started receiving racist demands to remove him, it was all started by a school teacher who decided to write a simple letter.
"Harriet has a very interesting place in history," according to The LAist. "In 1968, she wrote to 'Peanuts' creator Charles Schulz asking him to do something remarkable at the time: integrate his famous comic strip."
"Harriet Glickman was a white, 42-year-old suburban Los Angeles school teacher and mother raising three children when Martin Luther King was assassinated in 1968," according to the Press Telegram.
According to NPR, she wrote, “Since the death of Martin Luther King, 'I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help change those conditions in our society which led to the assassination and which contribute to the vast sea of misunderstanding, hate, fear and violence.'”
Glickman decided to write a letter to Schulz, not knowing whether he would actually read it or even whether he would receive the letter.
Glickman was especially aware of the power of comics among the young. “And my feeling at the time was that I realized that black kids and white kids never saw themselves [depicted] together in the classroom,” she said in the Washington Post.
She hoped this would bring the country together and show people of color that they are not excluded from American society.
At the time, Schulz, the creator of the enormously popular “Peanuts” comic strip, was already being "published in hundreds of newspapers around the United States reaching nearly 100 million readers," according to the Press Telegram.
Surprisingly, Schulz did respond, but wasn't sure whether it would be right, coming from him, he didn't want to make matters worse, he felt that it may sound condescending to people of color.
Glickman persisted, however, continuing her correspondence with Schulz, even having black friends write to Schulz and explain to him what it would mean to them.
She told Schulz that "the gentleness of the [Peanuts would be] 'the perfect setting' for such representation," according to CBR.
“I am well aware of the very long and tortuous road ahead,” she added. “I’m sure one doesn’t make radical changes in so important an institution without a lot of shock waves from syndicates, clients, etc. You have, however, a stature and reputation which can withstand a great deal.”
This conversation would continue until one day, Schulz told Glickman to check her newspaper on July 31, 1968.
On that date, the cartoon, as created by Schulz, shows Charlie Brown meeting a new character, named Franklin. Other than his color, Franklin was just an ordinary kid who befriends and helps Charlie Brown.
In a speech at American University of Health Sciences in Signal Hill, California in 2018, talking to a group of children and adults, Glickman said, the 1960s in the United States was “a time long before any of you were born, a time when not everyone was understanding of other people, when young African Americans couldn’t go to the same beach as white children and when schools were separate.”
According to the Press Telegram, the Rev. Gregory Johnson, co-founder of American University of Health Sciences who invited Glickman to the event, said he wanted her to know what a profound effect her action with Schulz had on him. “I appreciate so much what you did in improving relations. I wouldn’t be here without you,” he said.
Glickman was born in Sioux City, Iowa, and lived in Chicago before moving to Southern California and a job in the Burbank School District and eventually UCLA before retiring.
Glickman explained in previous interviews that her parents were "concerned about others, and the values that they instilled in us about caring for and appreciating everyone of all colors and backgrounds — this is what we knew when we were growing up, that you cared about other people . . . And so, during the years, we were very aware of the issues of racism and civil rights in this country [when] black people had to sit at the back of the bus, black people couldn’t sit in the same seats in the restaurants that you could sit . . . Every day I would see, or read, about black children trying to get into school and seeing crowds of white people standing around spitting at them or yelling at them . . . and the beatings and the dogs and the hosings and the courage of so many people in that time."
Glickman, according to The LAist, said someone once commented to her that "‘It took courage [to do what she did, to make a stand].’ I said, ’No it didn’t, it didn’t take courage for me to sit in Sherman Oaks in my comfortable home with my three children and type a letter.'"
"Courage," she said, "was little Ruby Bridges, the little girl who integrated a school in the south who had to come with the National Guard with people spitting at her and yelling at her and throwing things at her and the parents who drew their children out. That was courage."
Because of Glickman, because of Schulz, people around the world were introduced to a little boy named Franklin, and even today, when Franklin is mentioned, fond memories are evoked, such as those like the young, black man, who with tears in his eyes, started running and screaming throughout the house because he was introduced to Franklin for the first time.
Barbara Brandon-Croft, the first African American woman to have a nationally syndicated comic strip in the mainstream press, was 10 years old in 1968, said, “I remember feeling affirmed by seeing Franklin in ‘Peanuts.’ ‘There’s a little black kid! Thank goodness! We do matter.’"
When the Peace Page first shared its story about Franklin's birth, one Peace Page reader commented, "I normally don't comment on Facebook but I feel compelled to now. As a black child growing up in the 70's and 80's U grew up in mostly white neighborhoods. One of the most difficult things at that time is my sense of where I belonged in the world. I didn't have anybody in my position i could relate to on TV or in the movies. Then I started reading Peanut cartoons and I met Franklin and I saw myself for once. As a character, Franklin was so important to me I named my third son after him. thank you . . . for helping me find my place."
That Peace Page story has now reached 22,498,877 people, receiving 2,091,450 reactions. It has inspired an Upworthy article and has been shared all over the world, including by media companies in Australia and Italy.
When the Peace Page contacted the Charles M. Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa, California, one of the representatives said that Glickman regularly visited the museum and she was fondly called "Franklin's Mom."
When she saw that Peace Page post, she commented on the Peace Page, "It's always a joy for me to share the Franklin story. I consider him my fourth child and he is very much loved."
In the speech in 2018 at American University of Health Sciences, she told the audience that it still “feels like yesterday [when Franklin was introduced].” She said some things have changed, but others have not. “We still have so many problems on how we see each other,” she said in an article by the Press Telegram.
She told the children: “You can make a difference in making the world a better place. When you see something that makes you feel angry or upset, don’t just complain, do something about it. And remember that we all care for each other; we’re all the same loving, caring people.”
She then autographed a book introducing Franklin to Charlie Brown, “Nice to Meet You, Franklin!” and urged each youngster “to make a difference.”
Thank you, Harriet Glickman, also, for making a difference and making the world a better place.
[Photo courtesy of CBR]
The Jon S. Randal Peace Page
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Ohh, is there room for poly Bloom/Brandon/Stella headcanons? If Bloom was a lil more bi. (I love me good healthy boundaries and understanding so Bloom and Brandon dating Stella but not each other is still super sweet! Would they be able to go to dates together, like Stella treating them or them planning something for Stella?)
Because- honestly rn this is the only reason it even occurs to me: Day of the Rose. If Brandon was already crushing on both of them? And then Riven insults BOTH of them? He'd punch him in the face. And, that's how Riven doesn't get spelled that day because instead of the race they all need to go to get him some ice, and later they just go to the party. (Although tbh he can also just punch him because he's mean and Bloom is Stella's bff at that point. Brandon strikes me as the type of guy to be a gentleman to all girls, and it is not a way to flirt it is just how he is. Especially girls close to his gf, he's the guy that a girl can call when in trouble because he's her friend's bf and she trusts him platonically, he's there for his boo's besties.
Alsooo- I think Brandon would be the first to crush and the last to confess actually- because of the whole identity switch. He dealt with it badly in canon but I think TWO girls being involved would sober him up more and make him more careful to not hurt their feelings so he'd friendzone them hard. (OR tell them on his own???
Btw, in Stella2Hands au (nevermind if Bloom and Brandon are also dating or not) who do you see Sky ending up with? Like, would he go through with marrying Diaspro, or would he find someone else to break that engagement for? If he's 'single' during season 1, and has nothing better to do, do you think he'd be able realize something is fishy with Riven, as in, being spelled by Darcy? (Idk if you watched a dub in which during the briefing before they go to Cloud Tower to try and get Bloom's powers back, Sky gets a hunch something is seriously wrong with Riven just as the dude jumps outta window. Always wondered why that never went anywhere lol.
gonna put this under a read more because there’s a lot of points here
With the situation with them both dating Stella I do think they would go on platonic dates together. Not right away because they never really interacted much before, but for sure once they get more comfortable around each other. A good chunk of the time it would be them planning stuff for Stella, but they also find things to do just for the two of them. I think it’d be important to Stella that 2 of the most important people in her life get along you know? And they’re more than willing to put in the work to make that happen
The way I see it there’s always room for all headcanons anon! I’m pretty attached to my hc of Bloom being a lesbian personally, but it’s always worth exploring. Fully agree that Brandon is the guy girls can call when they’re in trouble. Everyone knows he’s a stand up gentleman. I’m not sure he’d punch Riven in that situation though. I feel like he’s shown more to be the guy that keeps his cool and de-escalates conflict you know?
I gotta admit, I have a hard time picturing Brandon’s mindset during early romance stuff(Brandon in general is by far the hardest character for me to analyze tbh) Because the show doesn’t give us a lot to go by? He’s obviously a stand-up guy and typically portrayed that way but I gotta say in s1 he seemed even less conflicted about pursuing a romance while lying about his identity than Sky did. So, I’m not sure if there being 2 girls involved would make him more careful, unless we’re taking into account that Bloom is a lot more visibly insecure than Stella is which might make him feel more guilty, or if he also catches on to feelings developing between the girls and he selflessly takes a step back based on that
On the other hand if, again, we’re assuming he’s aware of a relationship between Bloom and Stella developing, this might also make him feel less conflicted since he now has proof Stella is willing to date a commoner, something he wasn’t so sure about in s1. Either way though he’s a pretty emotionally intelligent guy so I agree he’d crush/become aware of his feelings first
I actually always picture Skloom still being a thing in s1 regardless of what I see as endgame. It’s not a long-term functional relationship, but I think it’s an important part of how both characters develop. So, naturally most events surrounding him would play out the same way as in canon. In terms of what his endgame would be, I don’t think he’d end up with Diaspro because that isn’t fair to either of them. It would probably be someone outside of the main cast, but I do have a weird fondness for the idea of him and Aisha? Not in canon. She deserves better. But in an AU setting where he grows out of being a douche during the og seasons I think it has the potential to be an interesting story
And yes I have seen that dub! I’ve watched the majority of s1-3 in all English dubs, and that particular scene is just from RAI which is the one my language’s dub(as well as most dubs) translates from. I think that was just meant to portray Sky and Riven as having some sort of connection. You know in like a “they’re rivals but still share a bond” kind of way. I don’t think it was meant to set up anything big. Specialists might not have fairy magic but they’re still magical beings. Just like Timmy could still feel Tecna’s magic in s3, Sky felt Riven’s energy in s1
#if that relationship were to actually happen in a cartoon format#im picturing an entire episode with a comedic subplot about brandon and bloom trying to find even one interest they have in common#with all the misadventures that would come with them giving each other's interests a go#winx club#winx bloom#winx brandon#winx headcanons#stella has two hands agenda#ask wave#anon
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