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pen-observing · 3 years

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request: baker mc with barbatos. + how you came to know and bicker with the man that looks like love.

MASTERLIST

People find joy in doing the things that they love and, right now, your joy is waking up earlier to see the sun’s rays against the counter of the bakery. They’re so beautiful to bask in and so rewarding once you remember all that it took just to be able to come into such a place. It takes real work.

However, the sun’s rays on this particular morning touch something else. They shine upon a sleek black envelope that was placed right in the middle of your counter.

How did it get here? You’ve always locked your door out of responsibility. Surely nobody managed to break in or something similar? Everything looks in order and nothing is stolen. With this, there is simply no reason for you not to open the little ‘gift’ that was there. Right?

Being a famous baker meant that sometimes you did receive letters but never in such a manner or such a style. They were usually in pastel envelopes; written by little kids with lots of doodles, sprayed with some overwhelming floral scent. And, they were charming indeed but this was allure inside of mystery.

You sit down at the table close to the window and open the envelope carefully. Sometimes you think that anyone who works in your business and actually manages to succeed has to have some childlike innocence. When kids are the only ones writing you such letters it makes sense.

You lay the delicate piece of paper and start to read.

Allow this letter not to alarm you in the slightest. I have come to notice some others on your counter a few days ago and deemed this to be the best way to approach you with an inquiry. Please, read it completely before you make your final judgement. Do you happen to believe in the afterlife? Do you happen to be religious yourself? Even if the answer to these two questions is a resounding no (which I have no way of knowing, I assure you) - please consider this offer. You have been chosen as someone who can help create a bigger order amongst the three realms. We, my young Master in particular, believes in the power that can bring about a more harmonious coexistence. We have already had humans come to our domain but expansions have started because of that previous success. I hope this manages to assuage your initial feelings and any possible fear you might have. We are demons, I must say. I believe there is no use in lying or manipulating you because we are approaching you with a noble idea and goal that you can help come to fruition. We are inviting humans that are experts in their fields to teach us even more and you have been chosen as one of them. If you hold any interest, please proceed to sign your name at the bottom right of this paper. If, however, you are not interested or are afraid – please place it back inside the envelope and it will automatically become ash. Discard it carefully. I urge you not to get hurt.

Now you wish that this letter was full of doodles with a cupcake in the middle of the sun. Who was pulling such a prank? Was this a lousy attempt of the baker 2 streets down to intimidate you for the upcoming cake contest? You have to give him credit for his imagination at least.

Who does he think he is to challenge you? Did he assume you would be afraid? Perhaps, you always were a bit too spiteful for your own good. And with that spite growing – you signed your name at the bottom right.

No need for fire and ash. No need to be scared of anything that this foolish letter stated. Right?

“I would like to extend my outmost thanks for signing the letter.”

What? What was that voice? Fucking hell, how big is the joke the other baker is playing? You will be sure to leave him a 2 star review because only his cookies were decent but all you can do right now is turn around to the direction of the deep voice.

10 steps behind you, and next to your entrance door, stands a man that reminds you of the moon. He has perfect posture and an overwhelming presence. He holds a hand over his chest and looks at you with eyes that cause reminiscence – you always wanted to get lost in such a magical sea.

He is smiling at you but once he notices the shocked expression, he stops and raises one eyebrow. You’re both quiet. Well, this certainly is not that annoying baker. So, maybe, perhaps, possibly, in some way: the letter was not a joke?

“Please don’t tell me you did the same impulsive thing as the human that is a writer. Did you, by any chance, sign this letter thinking it was a joke?”

Obviously, you fucking did. I mean come on?? Three realms?? Demons?? Who would believe such a thing? Really, your spite got the best of you.

“You are not answering and I suppose that much is an answer in itself. Before you express a desire to cancel it out, I have to let you know; that is a legally binding contract and if you try to break it the punishment will be severe. When I say legally binding, I mean by the laws of hell itself. But, do not be alarmed. Please.”

The personification of the moon asks if sitting at the table would be okay and begins to explain to you all of the things in detail. He does it with clear words and you can’t help but believe that this idea seems promising. And this man, while cold and collected, does not seem like a threat.

Truthfully, you have achieved such a big success already. Baking is art and as an artist it was always the main goal. Learn more. Consider yourself a student as long as you live. Be sure to take any opportunity because it means growth. After all, you’ve gotten this far using those ideals. Wouldn’t it be a shame to throw them away now?

“And rest assured. You will be completely safe in the Devildom. I have been personally tasked with assuring your safety.”

You’ve come to learn that his name was Barbatos – meaning philosopher in some old book you’ve read. It is so odd that someone new seems so dependable. Because of this you ask him the question any sane person would.

“Would you like a cupcake?”

Yes, that indeed is the question any sane person would ask in your field. You already know there is no way to back out of this; not unless you wish to endanger your life. So, why not start an adventure if you already must?

You give Barbatos a cupcake and turn the sign to closed before going back behind the counter. The sign won’t change in the following year until you are free from the damned contract. You get overwhelmed with the realization that the sun’s rays will seep in but have nobody to actually greet once you leave. You realize how much you are going to miss this place. How are you supposed to leave it behind just like that?

You touch your pocket and take out your phone. If you must leave and abandon this, then so be it – but you will have some tangible memories of your dedication. You need to have some tangible memories of this glowing morning.

You start to take photos. Of what? The bowl of small chocolates that people can grab on the way out and bring to others that they love. The door decorated with flowers. The very counter you stand behind and the rays of light that are on it. The seating arrangement, the wall with your achievements, clippings from magazines, newspapers and reviews. Yes, you even take a photo of the child’s drawings with a cupcake inside of the sun. How ridiculous. And, oh, how much you’re going to miss this.

The very last photo you take is of Barbatos. He is sitting at the table, looking outside the window. Maybe you shouldn’t but – he looks like he belongs here for whatever reason. And, deep down, you wish to remember him like this. Inside of a peaceful moment. You press the click and he turns around. He doesn’t say anything – he offers a slight smile. In that moment you freeze and realize that in his peaceful moment the smile reminds you of childlike love.

Perhaps the following year will not be so bad after all.

“They call you the best in all of the three realms?” “Indeed.” “You put lemon-honey- syrup in your baklava. I refuse to believe you deserve it.”

Just because he reminds you of the moon and the deep waters; just because he gives you peace – it does not mean that professionally you will allow yourself to be inferior to him. Finding comfort with slight bickering became your idea of heaven and light in this place of darkness and hell-fire.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #barbatos #om! barbatos #barbatos x reader #barbatos x mc #obey me imagines #obey me fic #obey me barbatos #crack #kinda #fluff #also kinda #obey me headcanons #this started out as headcanons but i turned it into a fic cus #ya its barbatos come on #yall i cant cook or bake like i had no other way for this idea #should i write all my fics without caps letters it looks so pretty i know thats a trend #but like im an english major BIG AND SMALL LETTERS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

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Zuck calls Apple a monopolist

The copyright scholar James Boyle has a transformative way to think about political change. He tells a story about how the word "ecology" welded together a bunch of disparate issues into a movement.

Prior to "ecology," there were people who cared about owls, or air pollution, or acid rain, or whales, and while none of these people thought the others were misguided, they also didn't see them as being as part of the same cause.

Whales aren't anything like owls and acid rain isn't anything like ozone depletion. But the rise of the term "ecology," turned issues into a movement. Instead of being 1,000 causes, it was a single movement with 1,000 on-ramps.

Movements can strike at the root, look to the underlying economic and philosophical problems that underpin all the different causes that brought the movement's adherents together. Movements get shit done.

Which brings me to monopolies. This week, Mark Zuckerberg, one of the world's most egregious, flagrant, wicked monopolists, made a bunch of public denunciations of Apple for...monopolistic conduct.

Or, at least, he tried to. Apple stopped him. Because they actually do have a monopoly (and a monoposony) (in legal-economic parlance, these terms don't refer to a single buyer or seller, they refer to a firm with "market power" - the power to dictate pricing).

Facebook is launching a ticket-sales app and the Ios version was rejected because it included a notice to users that included in their price was a 30% vig that Apple was creaming off of Facebook's take.

https://www.theverge.com/2020/8/28/21405140/apple-rejects-facebook-update-30-percent-cut

Apple blocked the app because this was "irrelevant" information, and their Terms of Service bans "showing irrelevant" information.

This so enraged Zuck that he gave a companywide address - of the sort that routinely leaks - calling Apple a monopolist (they are), accused them of extracting monopoly rents (they do), and of blocking "innovation" and "competition" (also true).

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/pranavdixit/zuckerberg-apple-monopoly

Now, there are a bunch of Apple customers who consider themselves members of an oppressed religious minority who'll probably stop here (perhaps after an angry reply), and that's OK. You do you. But I have more to say.

Apple is a monopolist, sure, but more importantly, they are monoposonists - these are firms with "excessive buying power," gatekeepers who control access to purchasers. Monoposony power is MUCH easier to accumulate than monopoly power.

In the econ literature, we see how control over as little as 10% of the market can cement a firm's position, giving it pricing power over suppliers. Monopsony is the source of "chickenization," named for the practices of America's chicken-processing giants.

Chickenized poultry farmers have to buy all their chicks from Big Chicken; the packers tell them what to feed their birds, which vets to use, and spec out their chicken coops. They set the timing on the lights in the coops, and dictate feeding schedules.

The chickens can only be sold to the packer that does all this control-freaky specifying, and the farmer doesn't find out how much they'll get paid until the day they sell their birds.

Big Chicken has data on all the farmers they've entrapped and they tune the payments so that the farmers can just barely scratch out a living, teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and dependent on the packer for next year's debt payments.

Farmers who complain in public are cut off and blackballed - like the farmer who lost his contract and switched to maintaining chicken coops, until the packer he'd angered informed all their farmers that if they hired him, they would also get cancelled.

Monopsony chickenizes whose groups of workers, even whole industries. Amazon has chickenized publishers. Uber has chickenized drivers. Facebook and Google have chickenized advertisers. Apple has chickenized app creators.

Apple is a monopsony. So is Facebook.

Market concentration is like the Age of Colonization: at first, the Great Powers could steer clear of one another's claims. If your rival conquered a land you had your eye on, you could pillage the one next door.

Why squander your energies fighting each other when you could focus on extracting wealth from immiserated people no one else had yet ground underfoot?

But eventually, you run out of new lands to conquer, and your growth imperative turns into direct competition.

We called that "World War One." During WWI, there were plenty of people who rooted for their countries and cast the fighting as a just war of good vs evil. But there was also a sizable anti-war movement.

This movement saw the fight as a proxy war between aristocrats, feuding cousins who were so rich that they didn't fight over who got grandma's china hutch - they fought over who got China itself.

The elites who started the Great War had to walk a fine line. If they told their side that Kaiser Bill is only in the fight to enrich undeserving German aristos, they risked their audience making the leap to asking whether their aristos were any more deserving.

GAFAM had divided up cyberspace like the Pope dividing the New World: ads were Goog, social is FB, phones are Apple, enterprise is Msft, ecommerce belongs to Amazon. There was blurriness at the edges, but they mostly steered clear of one another's turf.

But once they'd chickenized all the suppliers and corralled all the customers, they started to challenge one another's territorial claims, and to demand that we all take a side, to fight for Google's right to challege FB's social dominance, or to side with FB over Apple.

And they run a risk when they ask us to take a side, the risk that we'll start to ask ourselves whether ANY of these (tax-dodging, DRM-locking, privacy invading, dictator-abetting, workforce abusing) companies deserve our loyalty.

And that risk is heightened because the energy to reject monopolies (and monoposonies) needn't start with tech - the contagion may incubate in an entirely different sector and make the leap to tech.

Like, maybe you're a wrestling fan, devastated to see your heroes begging on Gofundme to pay their medical bills and die with dignity in their 50s from their work injuries, now there's only one major league whose owner has chickenized his workers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8UQ4O7UiDs&list=FLM6hLIAIO-KfsNFn8ENnftw&index=767

Maybe you wear glasses and just realized that a single Italian company, Luxottica, owns every major brand, retailer, lab and insurer and has jacked up prices 1,000%.

https://www.latimes.com/business/lazarus/la-fi-lazarus-glasses-lenscrafters-luxottica-monopoly-20190305-story.html

Or maybe the market concentration you care about it in healthcare, cable, finance, pharma, ed-tech, publishing, film, music, news, oil, mining, aviation, hotels, automotive, rail, ag-tech, biotech, lumber, telcoms, or a hundred other sectors.

That is, maybe you just figured out that the people who care about owls are on the same side as the people who care about the ozone layer. All our markets have become hourglass shaped, with monop(olists/sonists) sitting at the pinch-point, collecting rents from both sides, and they've run out of peons to shake down, so they're turning on each other.

They won't go gently. Every Big Tech company is convinced that they have the right to be the pinchpoint in the hour-glass, and is absolutely, 100% certain that they don't want to be trapped in the bulbs on either side of the pinch.

They know how miserable life is for people in the bulbs, because they are the beneficiaries of other peoples' misery. Misery is for other people.

But they're in a trap. Monopolies and monopsonies are obviously unjust, and the more they point out the injustices they are EXPERIENCING, the greater the likelihood that we'll start paying attention to the injusticies they are INFLICTING.

Much of the energy to break up Big Tech is undoubtedly coming from the cable and phone industry. This is a darkly hilarious fact that many tech lobbyists have pointed out, squawking in affront: "How can you side with COMCAST and AT&T to fight MONOPOLIES?!"

They have a point. Telcoms is indescribably, horrifically dirty and terrible and every major company in the sector should be shattered, their execs pilloried and their logomarks cast into a pit for 1,000 years.

Their names should be curses upon our lips: "Dude, what are you, some kind of TIME WARNER?"

But this just shows how lazy and stupid and arrogant monopolies are. Telcoms think that if they give us an appetite for trustbusting Big Tech, that breaking up GAFAM will satiate us.

They could not be more wrong. There is no difference in the moral case for trustbusting Big Tech and busting up Big Telco. If Big Tech goes first, it'll be the amuse-bouche. There's a 37-course Vegas buffet of trustbustable industries we'll fill our plates with afterward.

Likewise, if you needed proof that Zuck is no supergenius - that he is merely a mediocre sociopath who has waxed powerful because he was given a license to cheat by regulators who looked the other way while he violated antitrust law - just look at his Apple complaints.

Everything he says about Apple is 100% true.

Everything he says about Apple is also 100% true OF FACEBOOK.

Can Zuck really not understand this? If not, there are plenty of people in the bulbs to either side of his pinch who'd be glad to explain it to him.

The monopolized world is all around us. That's the bad news.

The good news is that means that everyone who lives in the bulbs - everyone except the tiny minority who operate the pinch - is on the same side.

There are 1,000 reasons to hate monopolies, which means that there are 1,000 on-ramps to a movement aimed at destroying them. A movement for pluralism, fairness and solidarity, rather than extraction and oligarchy.

And just like you can express your support for "ecology" by campaigning for the ozone layer while your comrade campaigns for owls, you can fight oligarchy by fighting against Apple, or Facebook, or Google, or Comcast, or Purdue Poultry...or Purdue Pharma.

You are on the same side as the wrestling fan who just gofundemed a beloved wrestler, and the optician who's been chickenized by Luxottica, and the Uber driver whose just had their wages cut by an app.

#pluralistic

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cospinol · 3 years

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The main hbtw/drhdr au conceit is that io is a human who was picked up as a baby by devils aifang & ilomari (+maybe akadia) and raised by them (aio / asu+nikaidou parallel is the driving force behind this whole thing obviously, devil brotherrrr, half-remembered fondness, paying back a debt..) with the vague hope that she’d be able to negotiate a peace between them and extremely troublesome devil jarun... she has a magic cancellation magic type that a lot of people want to get their hands on, but little idea of how to use it? ALSO hierai is another child they previously raised who successfully passed the devil exam but can still only do teleportation magic

in any case they eventually send her to the big city, something goes extremely wrong & she gets dropped thru hi’s door into hole. courier anymede picks her up in an alleyway and takes her to the nearby clinic where pharmacist robin is the only one on duty... they find out most of io’s memories are gone so the goal is to Get Them Back and also hunt down whoever turned io into a lizard since they assume it’s related, tho she’s actually been like that since birth

Their only actual clue is the jacket she’s wearing which originally belonged to emeryyy and which she obtained during whatever the trouble was in the magician world... obviously crosseye boss emery is too easy to pass up, I loosely feel like it’s a full ai/kawa situation where he wasn’t originally a magic user but also it’s No Big Deal he’s just a bastard w very low magic power who also devils really love for some reason

Counterpart is magician bigshot ehen since en family as en family is ALSO too good to pass up. En inherited a little empire of shady businesses from his father, who married ilora only to combine their magic types and hopefully produce the strongest possible heir. Big L for him since obviously she got sick of him and poisoned him eventually but also they did succeed and ehen’s puppeteer magic is stupidly powerful (+ he is a big favourite of Important Devil asterope)...... ilora funds the crosseyes just to keep him on his toes. Lee & ami are contract partners obviously but lin & en keep missing the window due to Comedy Hijinks (&emery getting in the way). Rie can see the future and lives in a tower on top of the mansion...... Avian is also a very powerful magic user but he got sick of dealing with things and retired to grow gardens in hole, he lends his door to team honeysweet when they figure out they need to go back to the other side

#txt #hbtw tag #gmfnfbfbb sorry i am Thinking so much about this...#@ everyone thank you so much for your nice tags n Encouragement on my art ;;_;;

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wolfpawn · 4 years

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I Hate You, I Love You. Chapter 151

Chapter Summary - Danielle has a day that literally just keeps going bad to worse and it all culminates with Tom telling her something.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

Tom poured the water into the kettle and turned around again. “And what dates are they?”

“The seventh of September,” Luke responded, looking at the diary in front of him. “Does that work for you?” Tom nodded. “And Danielle?” Tom winced and cursed. “No?”

“It's two days before her Ironman.” He thought for a moment. “Can I get back in time?”

“I guess?” Luke looked at the dates, making note of her sports events in case it became more relevant in the future. “Didn't you say she has a few more beforehand?”

“Yes, sort of warm-ups,” Tom explained. “I can't miss that one though.”

“You'll need to talk to her.” Luke acknowledged. “Speaking of her, where is she?”

“At Emma's. She is doing a few things for her today.”

“Such as?”

“Cleaning, laundry, cooking. Letting my sister get a shower unmolested by Lucy.”

“So she is okay with babies?”

“She was a medic.” Tom chuckled. “No, she loves children.”

“Children and small babies are different though.”

“Danielle is great with them, she's one of those people that can interact well with children.” He smiled. “She's the same with Ben and Sophie's boys.”

“So I take it if you ever have the sense to ask her and she has the lack of sense to say yes to marrying you, kids would someday be a subject up for discussion?”

Tom gave him a bemused glance knowing that Luke was teasing regarding if he would ask such a question. “If such ever comes to pass, then yes, children are indeed on the cards.”

“Tom Hiddleston, talking about settling down and having kids, did I ever think I would ever see the day” Luke goaded. “And with a no-nonsense woman like Elle. No actually, the only woman that would endure you is Danielle Hughes.”

“Good thing she's the only one I would want anyway.” Tom chuckled. As soon as he ceased speaking, he noticed the dogs looking curiously at the door. He turned and put on the kettle again and took out Danielle's favourite mug.

It was a minute or two before she came into the room, when she saw Luke and Tom, Danielle gave a tired smile. “Gentlemen.”

“Everything alright?” Tom asked worriedly.

“Just one of those days.” Was all she commented.

“How was your training?”

“There was an issue with the pool so it was closed and a spin class used all of the bikes, so that was something of a washout.” Danielle laughed. “That can happen though.” She shrugged.

“And Emma?”

“Emma had to go to the doctor because Lucy has gunk in her eye, so rather than help her with her home, we spent the afternoon in the doctors. And I got a call from work, there was an issue I need to look at that apparently was faxed through, but the fact you have not mentioned it to me would suggest that it hasn't.” She put down the items she had brought home with her. “So what is new here? Luke, how was Venice? I haven't seen you since before you left, you got some colour anyway.”

“Yes, some much-needed sun and wonderful Italian food, of course. It was good, thank you.”

Danielle smiled, pleased to hear he had a pleasant time. When she looked at Tom, she frowned. “What?”

“Are you okay?”

Danielle laughed at him. “Do you ever get that day that it just never stops going wrong, I mean it just is one thing piled on top of another? That is my day and I can get angry and upset and negative which seems to only ensure further negativity, or I can accept that it is what it is and continue on and make what I can of it all and I choose the latter. I assisted Emma, I helped her bring Lucy to the doctor, we also got some shopping and I will cook and clean hers tomorrow instead and if work is really having a shit fest, we have a department for that now so I don't fucking care and I am going to cook my dinner and not stress myself about it.” She explained.

“Good plan.” Luke commended.

“After tea though, I really need a cup right now.” Tom moved, revealing to her that her mug was ready by the steaming kettle. Danielle smiled at him but quickly noticed the manner in which he was not really looking back at her. Then she looked at Luke who also looked slightly awkward. “One moment.” She put a tea bag and hot water into the cup for her tea before turning around, folding her arms and leaning back against the countertop. “Right, what is it?” Both men said nothing. “Look, there is clearly something to be said and with the way today went, I know it will stay true to form and be something negative so just come out with it and tell me now.”

Tom looked at Luke for a moment who had an expression on his face that showed how greatly he felt his earlier comment regarding Danielle as Tom's partner was made apparent by her current actions. Tom decided to just be honest. “I have been asked to attend the Ralph Lauren fiftieth anniversary show in New York in September.”

Danielle processed his words for a moment. “What dates?”

“It's on the seventh.”

“Right.” She sighed.

“I am going to be home in time, I promise.”

“Tom, don't promise something like that, please.” She stated. “I know you will do everything to try to get home.”

“You're annoyed though?”

“See it from my point of view, Tom. Your big premiere and I miss it for a fashion show, how would that feel to you?” She pointed out. “I better check the fax machine, excuse me.”

Tom and Luke said nothing as she left.

“If you are not in Wales on the 9th of September, you may lose her.” Like declared. “If you need to get a private jet, you better be back.”

“Just keep that small block free,” Tom ordered, which caused Luke to nod.

Tom walked upstairs and listened to the sound of paper whirring through the fax machine. He walked to the office room and looked at Danielle. He swallowed as he looked at her.

Her hair was tied up and she wore an open cardigan and comfortable tracksuit pants. If the papers saw her, they would ridicule her immediately, but he liked seeing her like this, this was Elle, who only cared about getting work done and being comfy doing it, not Danielle, who worked tediously and had to uphold a certain professionalism. She was wearing her glasses and chewing on one of the small snack meals her dietitian had planned for her. When she looked up, she noticed him there and waited for him to speak.

“How much in the dog house am I?”

“At present, you're on a rehoming advert for Dog's Trust after being surrendered to them.” She stated, picking up the papers and putting them in a file.

Tom walked into the room. “I will be there, Elle, I promise.”

“I know that. You have thirty-six hours, even with delays I know you would make it. It doesn't make it any less of a slap in the face though, does it?” She pointed out.

Tom was going to argue that they had cut it close on a few events before but stopped himself and reminded himself that she was being honest and communicating with him and that her opinions and feelings on the matter were valid too. “No, it doesn't. I am sorry. I am going to cancel.”

“You can't, you have a contract with them and you did sign in that you would do a few of these. I don't blame you, you know, I blame whatever power in the universe that has caused this day to occur.”

“So you're not sending me to Dog's Trust?”

“Tempting, but no.”

“Is the idea of getting a new boyfriend that daunting?” He joked.

“Oh if this goes belly up, I am joining the fucking nuns or something, I genuinely couldn't go again, it's exhausting.” She laughed.

Tom chuckled, walked over and pulled her against him. “I'm sorry you had a bad day.”

“We all get them.”

“How is Lucy, I forgot to ask. Is her eye sore?”

“Probably just irritated more than anything but she seems to just be herself. She is good, she seems to have a strict routine. I never met a baby to stick so rigidly to a natural schedule. Two weeks she has been like it every day. It's not perfect or easy, but it's consistent so they can plan around it.” She smiled. The machine continued to whir next to her as more paper began to come through. “Dear Jesus, this will take half a forest.” She growled.

“What happened?”

“Some bollox to do with apparently falsified paperwork by one of the guys. I know his work, he's not someone to do that, I am getting a copy to see what happened, the internal affairs department is checking over it, but I want to see if there is something dodgy in my office, but I really doubt it.” She explained.

“You really are having an odd day.” Tom acknowledged. “What about your training, you didn't get much if it done?”

“I will have to check this then go for a cycle. Tomorrow is supposed to be an easy say so I am going for a five k then.” She looked at Tom who looked around at her. “Care to join me?”

“Would you mind?”

“Not at all.” She beamed. “We should get you cycling too.”

“I would look like the crazy frog.” Danielle erupted in laughter at the image. “I'm sorry, Elle.”

“Don’t, we can't help some of your work stuff, the same with mine. We will sometimes miss things. I mean, I have not seen Nacelle in six weeks because of conflicting work schedules.”

“When is she around again?”

“In a fortnight.”

“While you're in LA?”

“Yep.”

“That's a pain.”

“And most of the summer I am going to be by the sea and she will be home. But we talk most days so that's something.”

“Poor Becky.”

“They are used to it at this stage, they have always juggled it.” She smiled.

“Will that be us?”

“Not as drastically, I think, but we have those times too. I fear your next major movie. Up to three months or more without my handsome, kind and loving Tom.”

“Yours?”

“Mine.” She reiterated with a cheeky smile, leaning up and kissing him.

#i hate you i love you #chapter 151 #wolfpawn #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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suishoujetstreams · 4 years

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Moving house in Japan

Since I am starting my job in the big city, at the end of this week I will be moving from my lovely 3LDK apartment to another equally lovely 3LDK apartment. I am super fortunate to have been assigned such spacious housing, and I’m really looking forward to having a big space close to the city! But as always, with moving comes plenty of expenditure and communication hardships. Remember that every situation is different and nothing about moving house in Japan needs to be difficult at all! In this post I’ll talk you though my situation.

When I moved into this apartment two years ago, I didn’t pay any security deposit or key money, which was very lucky for me at the time. I was told then about the moving-out fees and I was shocked by them, but their reasoning made sense. The move-out fee for my apartment is 88,000 yen (USD$840; GBP£650) in order to change the tatami mats and the paper sliding wardrobe doors, which they do for each new tenant. I called the landlord to ask if this was necessary since my tatami and wardrobe doors are in perfect condition, but he just got mad at me for questioning the system and refused to accept any waiver.

Sometimes, one would be allowed to leave furniture in their apartment when leaving on the JET Programme, as their successor would shortly move in to the apartment when they arrive. However, my situation is different for a number of ways. Most obviously, the new JET intake likely will not be able to enter Japan this year, so my successor would not have been here to move in for a year, and the apartment could have been given to another Japanese government worker. That is not the factor governing my situation, though. For me, in an unusual turn of events, my successor already lives in the area, and therefore doesn’t need any of my things. Therefore, I must empty my apartment completely and take it all with me! Not a problem, but this means that I had to hire a moving company.

I am very fortunate to have wonderful office staff in my base school. I have a knowledgeable friend in the office, so he contacted a cheap moving company which he recommended himself. I have heard stories from other friends here in Japan that it is common for moving companies to charge in excess of 50,000 yen (USD$475; GBP£370), but luckily, since I will be moving very early in the morning and out of the typical moving season, my total should come to less than 20,000 yen (USD$190; GBP£147)! I’m super grateful that the move will be cheap compared to all the money I had to shell out to leave the apartment.

The company came over the other day to give me cardboard boxes to use for free. I’m now in the process of packing said boxes and will hopefully be finished within the next couple of days. Then, at 8am on Sunday, I will start the move! I do feel very sorry for the movers, though… That day is forecast to be 31 degrees and extremely humid. Thankfully I have aircon installed, unlike when I moved in, so I might blast it to give them some respite.

My lovely supervisor has helped me with things like transferring my internet to my new apartment, cancelling all my bills, and she will also drive me to the new apartment. This weekend is only for moving my belongings; I will be coming back to my current residence and living with a friend to complete the last three contract days at my schools. After school on Wednesday, I will take my remaining belongings and travel to the city myself in the evening, spend the night in my new apartment, and get ready for my new job the following morning! Conveniently (heavy sarcasm), my new supervisor will be on a business trip the whole of my first day, so I will most likely be strikingly akin to a lost puppy in the morning at work, and in the afternoon when I need to be at home for them to install internet in my house! Japanese skills, here we go.

This has been the biggest sum of money I’ve had to pay out since I arrived; even more than what I paid when I went to hospital with a broken elbow. In addition to the moving fees, I had to pay out for some rather pricey medicine, too. Plus the last of my rent here. Plus the price I paid to buy furniture from other ALTs. In total for this moving period, I have had to pay over 180,000 yen (USD$1715; GBP£1325). As an inexperienced young adult with a very lucky situation of cheap rent, I don’t know where this price falls in relation to normal moving prices in Japan. All I know is that these necessary and sometimes unexpected large expenses are exactly the reason why I like save my money. I feel very fortunate that I can make this move without worrying financially, and I’m super excited to see where my life goes in the big city!

#JET Programme #JET Progam #Japan #moving #house #ALT #PA #British #finance #money #travel

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hecohansen31 · 5 years

Text

Not Of Age: (Duncan Shepherd+Reader)

A/N: Hello there, lovelies!

How was everything?

I am a bit stressed out for various thing, but also… you know what would help a lot? FEEDBACK (please if you have a minute of your time spare it to either heart this fic, comment on it, or reblog it, only if you liked it, obviously) (+you are always welcome to tell me what went wrong, what went right, in either my messages or in my asks, I am always happy to get one so…).

Also this is all inspired to something that happened to me (no I sadly don’t know any Duncan Shepherds in real life), since I get a lot mistaked for younger than I actually am (and I know it might sound strange but it is something I am insecure about, because people don’t take you seriously).

(Plus: one of my photos of the collage is actually mine, because I am wearing the dress, I described in the fic, so you can see it better+I don’t know I love the way that dress is one me…so) (Also i censored my face, because I was without make-up+I was wearing a very obnoxious flower crown).

Plus, before this gets controversial, Duncan in this fic is not interested into Reader because she is younger and might not seem of age, but he is more attracted to her “potrayal of youth”.

As always… I talk too much so I shall leave you to appreciating the fanfiction (let me know if you want a sequel because I mgiht be working on something right now!).

SUMMARY: You don’t show your age, and this got you in so much troubles, such as the one you got into after an unexpected visit on a Saturday’s morning, in an extra meeting with Duncan Shepherd

WORDS: 2,3 K.

WARNINGS: Just Duncan being flirty, and mostly kissing (no smut), also Older! Man in a relationship with a younger girl!

She had always been the girl, who looked much younger than her true age .

Both for her terrible childish manners (not only she still had the that naivety which was only seen in children, but also a brattish character that sometimes got her in trouble, mostly in relationships) both for the fact that her appearance was juvenile and much more belonging to a teen than an actually woman, who was 25 years old, which prompted many awkward and weird situations.

Such as the typical bar patron who asked her ID after she ordered alcohol, alongside a few of her partners on internet picking her up just because she looked much younger or mumbling something as “are you legal?”, when they saw her.

And although many people thought that it was an advantage, it was something she personally found annoying, mostly when people reminded her of it as it meant she was somehow shallow and not worthy of being taken seriously.

Many of her friends had also by now a kid on the way and were already married (although some settled for the first one that came through the window and it showed), so being the only single friend, not only sucked, but meant that apparently she was less trust worthy than a pregnant woman, alongside the fact that she didn’t seem to belong at all whenever a wedding was mentioned or a baby shower, and she just stared at the wall till they all giggled together, joining her friends there.

That day she seemed young not only because she wasn’t wearing her usual heavy make-up, which helped a lot with making her feel not only more confident but also a few years older, but she was dressed in a pretty sundress she had wanted to wear to the typical brunch her friends had on the first day of summer, setting themselves in a park in order to talk a bit.

The sundress was a perfect solution for the warm weather which coated her body in the form of sweat; but also she honestly loved the way the dress fit on her body, giving her a pretty hourglass figure, with its 50’s style..

She had bought the dress something like ten years ago, it had been her first dress ever, and although it was a bit ruined by the excessive washing she still felt comforted by wearing it and it still looked pretty amazing: its organza skirt bore a flowery pattern, her favorite!

She hadn’t worn make-up, stopped by the terrible hotness of the day, choosing to hide herself from the eyes of her friends and the sun with sunglasses and a straw hat, brought back from a very old journey, but which gave her a “Heiress on Vacation” kind of look.

The last touch of the look would have been sandals, but she had to go for sneaker since her boss called her at work for an emergency reunion, ruining her entire day of the brunch.

She hadn’t had enough time to change into something more “work appropriate” so she had just to go with her sundress and sneakers, hoping nobody would notice the terrible match.

The hat had been gently discarded to the secretary, meanwhile she “helloed” her and her boss made her a sign to move onto her office quickly, where she plumped down on her turning chair and checked into a mirror the state of her hair, after she had walked (more like ran) to work, sweating like a pig, (to hide it, she applied a generous amount of the extra-deodorant she had in her office for emergency such as this one).

She knew nothing about what she was supposed to be expecting.

Her boss had just mumbled something about “a very important client cancelling a meeting and asking for another on Saturday morning” when she wasn’t supposed to be working, but her boss had asked for a favor, alongside a promise of an extra on her paycheck to take the job.

“It will only last an hour maximum, I just need you to make him sign the documents and nobody is answering me…” because the offices were supposed to be closed on Saturday, and knowing this no clients were allowed in the building on Saturday…. alongside the fact that many people at 8 A.M. of Saturday were still sleeping with their phones off, meanwhile she had had to wake up, since not only she had had to get ready but the park for the brunch was two hours away from her.

“Ok… I will take it, but please… sign it as extra-work” she had mumbled, before sending her friends a message on how she would be sadly missing at least the first part of the brunch and to leave her something to eat, since she would come an hour later than she had programmed.

And maybe even more…

Because after what seemed like half an hour after the appointment had been set, she stilll saw nobody and she had even tried to ask the secretary (also extraordinarily there) if she had known something about the “mysterious man”, just to get a shake of head and a whisper on how much she hated that job (on which she agreed).

She was halfway through painting her nails, the one she had accidentally scratched on her way to the job, when she heard a knock on her door, surprising her enough that she almost painted her dress of the same teal color of her nail polish.

She mumbled a “please enter”, meanwhile she meticulously hid the nail polish’s bottle and breathed hot air on her nails to get them to dry quicker, not wanting to leave signs on the poor man’s hand.

And meanwhile she did all this, a man walked in her office, a very handsome and known man, whom she knew because of all the “Vanity Fair” ’s covers her boss had in her office, practically worshipping the self-made man, Duncan Shepherd had become after his exit from jail.

And not only did he look better in reality than on magazine cover, but he looked at her with two of the prettiest eyes she had even seen, preying on her as if she was some kind of water in a sandy desert.

She felt immediately the bush rising to her face, regretting not having taken a jacket with her, leaving her cleavage exposed since the dress had a deep “v” neck, which prompted a lot of skin to be shown and although it was pretty breathy for the summer, it didn’t mean that it was appropriate for the workplace.

Although to be stared like that by such a powerful man…

It wasn’t the “I want to make you feel like a piece of meat” stare so many frat boys gave her, but it was the “I will have you on your desk in five minutes, if you are interested”.

-Ehm… I think I have the wrong office, I was looking for Mrs (L/N)- he mumbled, thinking her to be the wrong person, but she just mumbled a shy “you are in the right place”.

-… I am Mrs (L/N), but you may call me (Y/N)- you knew it was highly unprofessional to share your name with a client, mostly somebody who was here just to sign but you tried to make it all seem a bit more relaxed, more for yourself than for him, who would look at ease even in a Nordic climate -I am sorry for my inappropriate state, this meeting was scheduled at last minute and I was on my way to a friendly brunch-.

-I am extremely sorry for the meeting at this hour and day, but I had a problem with the scheduled appointment, and I wouldn’t be back in America till a month… so…-.

-Don’t worry, Mr Shepherd, I am more than happy to make an exception for you- she didn’t mean to make it sound so flirty, mostly because she wasn’t used to try her luck with guys like him, not to talk about the fact that her childish naivety scared away boys, but this one, stayed, interested, staring at her.

-Well thank you very much, then- he mumbled, matching her flirty tone, meanwhile coming nearer, where she showed him the chair, raising up and showing a bit of her legs, which made him lower his gaze on them, and she faked not noticing although she raised a bit on her toes to show much more -… give me a pen and I will be out of your hair soon-.

He smiled brightly at her sudden goofy attempt to grab a pen, just to grasp simply air, making an awkward figure, to which he giggled, till she offered the pen, and moved the contract for their agency in his hands, meanwhile their hands bumped just a bit together, electricity shooting through her veins.

She even lowered herself a bit, the cleavage appearing more evident and he caught it with his eyes as they lowered upon the papers, meanwhile she simply dropped on her elbows and her ass shot up, which got her in a very explicit position.

He read the papers, or at least appeared to be reading those chewing the pen, before setting it down and smile at her as he caught her looking at him, nibbling her bottom lip.

-I didn’t think that you were Mrs (L/N) because you seem so much younger- he mumbled, taking time, clearly, meanwhile she settled swiftly back a bit, embarrassed by how freely she had acted with him, although he had given her clear indications he was into her and was trying his best to flirt her up.

But he was still a client till he walked outside the door.

-Oh, believe me but a lot of people think the same- she giggled, trying to breathe out her embarrassment.

-… it isn’t a bad thing- he mumbled, meanwhile looking at her and smiling at her flushed cheeks -… I wish I looked younger! People nowadays ask me if I need glasses to see-.

She laughed heartedly, meanwhile he looked at her through his lashes as if to say he was serious.

-You look amazing, Mr Shepherd- this got him to puff his chest even further almost as a proud bird, which got a genuine smile from her -… and I mean it is nice to know you can somehow age slower, but also… a lot of people tend not to take you seriously if you don’t look mature enough, plus, guys are not interested into younglings…-.

This got her a shocked look from him, which changed swiftly in an outraged look.

-… boys tend to have that kind of thoughts- he mumbled, shooting her a serious glance, that went through her entire body -…men don’t-.

And he was a man, probably ten years her senior, although she had heard he was much older than what he seemed with a pendant for a new girl on his arm each week, much younger than him, so she knew what was going on, although she was not his usual supermodel.

-Thank you, I will set my mind onto dating only men from now on- she mumbled, shyly, before tapping at the paper, to remind him what was going on, shooting him a knowing look; she couldn’t because of so many reasons, although she wanted.

-You are very welcome- he muttered, before setting a last glance on her body and swiftly signing the paper -Then is it done? -.

-It is- she replied, moving to accompany him to the door, as a way to let him even further know that she sadly couldn’t.

-Then we are not a client and a professional, right? – he asked.

And with her typical childish naivety, not fully understanding his motives she answered.

-… yes-.

And he swiftly closed the door, behind them, before pulling her against the door with a sudden roughness she found herself liking, and left her legs trembling, before diving on her lips, with his, with much more gentleness than the push against the door, a bit dipping her as they did in the movies.

He was far gentler than what he had promised her with the “door movement”, getting her wondering what would come next… a kiss or a slap…

But he was careful with her now, probably after the yelp of pain he got from having pushed her back against the hard wood, before pushing her towards another kind of “hard wood”, much more human.

And this got a moan of pleasure transferred from her mouth to his, opening herself to his tongue and a languid caress from it, before it moved back to trace, as if to know them by heart, her lips.

When he separated himself from her, much more due to the lack of air than because he wanted to, he still kept her against him.

Her sundress had risen up a bit, and now her thighs were even more exposed, meanwhile her cleavage was widened up by the rushed tries and friction of her dress against his crisp elegant shirt, rigorously back, whereas hers was beige, matching their respective personalities.

He moved his eyes from the ground to her face, just to cup it and keeping the stare till their lips were near each other and then he closed them, as she did, but nothing but dry air went through them and when she opened them he had disappeared, which left her to wonder whether or not something had happened, till she saw the signed paper and felt the little ticket hidden in the cleavage of her dress, with an address from an hotel in Italy written on it and a number on the other side.

She wondered about what it meant, why her and how he managed to slip it in her dress without knowing why…

But now apparently she had a way to find it all out.

#duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd reader #duncan shepherd x reader #house of cards #duncan shepherd image #duncan shepherd fanfic #duncan shepherd fan fic #fanfic #fan fic #heco writes #duncan shepherd fluff #older duncan shepherd

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taexual · 5 years

Text

Rear View / WinWin x Reader

You aren’t able to juggle your studies, work, and a boyfriend at the same time, so Sicheng tries to put you both out of the misery of a neglected relationship.

pairing: Sicheng x Reader

warnings: ANGST! + strong language

words: 3.2k

disclaimer: please let me know if the gif belongs to you so i can give proper credit

ANON REQUEST: Hi my dear, could I request a NCT Winwin angst, the scenario can be anything you want!

Sicheng has never been in a similar situation before. He’s seen you late plenty of times in the two years that the two of you had dated, but it’s been over forty minutes now and you showed no signs of arriving at the restaurant that he was waiting for you in. You weren’t even answering your phone and he didn’t know whether something had happened to you or if you just forgot.

“Would you like to order, sir?” the waiter asked for the fifth time that night, trying not to show his impatience. Sicheng didn’t blame him, there were people waiting for a table and he was occupying one without bringing any profit.

“One minute,” he told the waiter, trying to give him an apologetic smile as he got his phone out to send you another text message. “I’m very sorry.”

“It’s alright,” the waiter replied, no longer sounding as polite as he did the first few times he’d tried to take his order.

After receiving no response from you yet again, – Sicheng didn’t know why he was still expecting you to reply, to be quite honest, – he sighed heavily before he finally gathered his things, left a lot more money than the glass of water he’d ordered cost, and walked out of the restaurant before the waiter could return.

He debated heading straight home but then he realized that he couldn’t live with himself if something had happened to you and he didn’t check, so he decided to go to your place first. It was likely that you were just busy working but he wasn’t willing to take the chance of the reason for your disappearance being something else.

Unsure if he was about to be disappointed or terrified, he rang your doorbell. He rang it again twenty seconds later just to be sure but the door wouldn’t open. It was clear that you weren’t home and yet Sicheng was still too concerned to leave so he dialed the phone number of your closest friend and co-worker. If she’d tell him you weren’t at work, he’d head straight to the police station.

“Sicheng?” your friend picked up on the first ring and, for the first time in his life, he was almost relieved to hear another girl’s voice.

“Yes, hi,” he said. “Listen, uh, have you seen my girlfriend today?”

“I—of course, she’s across the room from me,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We’ve been working overtime the past few nights because our boss is a huge dick – but you know that – and I think her phone might have died. Is everything okay? Do you want to talk to her?”

“No,” he said with no hesitation. His mind decided to fill his entire being with unavoidable disappointment and he wasn’t sure if he could bear hearing your voice right now. He felt almost pathetic, really, so he chose not to reveal how long he’d waited for you at that restaurant, “can you tell her I’ve canceled the reservation? I tried to call her to tell her before but—”

“The reservation?” your friend interrupted and judging from the silence that followed, Sicheng concluded that she was looking at the calendar. “Oh my God, it’s your anniversary tonight!”

“Yeah, uh—”

“What?” Sicheng heard your voice in the background of the call. “What day is it today?”

“I have to go,” he said, his voice rushed. “Tell her that I have some stuff I need to do, so I, uh… I might be unavailable today, okay? Thank you.”

“Maybe I should—”

He hung up before your friend could say anything else – or worse, pass the phone to you – and headed towards the elevator and then out of your building.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go home because he knew he’d spend the remaining night thinking of you and what was left of your relationship. He’d beat himself up and probably end up calling you in the middle of the night. Not to mention, he knew you might show up, guilt-ridden and teary-eyed, and he’d forget you everything as soon as he saw your tears.

So, needing to get himself together, he gave Yuta a call and then agreed to meet him at the bar of the nearest hotel. Perhaps Sicheng could stay there if he still didn’t feel like going home after a few drinks.

“And she didn’t mention that she was staying late, working?” Yuta asked as the two boys settled down in a booth at the very end of the too fancy of a bar in a hotel downtown.

“No,” Sicheng sighed. He seemed to sigh a lot since his friend got here and the first round of drinks came. They were only on their third now and yet both of their minds seemed to be buzzing. “I know she’s busy. She’s studying, she’s working, she has her family, her friends… but I asked her specifically if she wanted to go for dinner on our anniversary and she said yes.”

“When was this?”

“Two nights ago,” he said. “I made the reservations in advance, of course. I would have canceled if one of us wasn’t able to go. I wouldn’t have been pissed if she said she couldn’t make it or anything, it’s just—it’s shit now because she said she’d be there.”

Sicheng didn’t mean to make it sound as if he was annoyed he spent so much money and time on getting that restaurant reservation but Yuta understood. He knew you both well enough to understand that the two of you rarely ever worried about superficial things like money when it came to each other.

“Did you talk to her today?” Yuta asked.

“She texted me before she left for work,” Sicheng replied. “It was just a usual good morning text, though. I’m sure she doesn’t even feel herself texting me anymore, it’s become a habit. I replied, wanting to make sure she was really able to come tonight and she never answered. I called a few times, but I heard nothing back. Obviously, I didn’t want to stand her up, so I went to the restaurant anyway, thinking that maybe she’d show up after all, but…”

Yuta sighed, finishing his glass. “I’m sorry, man. This sucks.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng agreed, responding to his sigh with one of his own, but not finishing his drink just yet. With every glass he emptied, he could feel his stomach fill with an undesirable sense of sorrow that no amount of alcohol could drown. “I don’t know what to do. She’s probably worried now that she’s realized what’d happened.”

“Well, are you mad at her?” his friend tried to ask, hoping to help him understand his feelings better but, really, Sicheng had no clue what he was feeling.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “If I say I am, it’ll seem unfair: as if I don’t understand how busy she is while she's been putting up with my schedule just fine.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever left her hanging like this, though.”

“No, but—” Sicheng sighed again. “Does it matter? I’m not mad at her for not showing up. I’m… I’m mad because it doesn’t feel like we have a relationship anymore.”

“Have you felt like this for a long time?” Yuta asked.

“I think so,” he answered, uncertainty evident in every word he said. “I think I just pushed the thoughts that something was wrong away, you know? I didn’t want to admit it to myself but now it’s loud and clear. The last time we’ve gone out together–just the two of us–was two months ago. We talked on the phone a month ago. We just… text. Sometimes.”

“How have you gone so long without talking to her about this?” Yuta continued. He might have suspected that there were problems in your and Sicheng’s relationship but he wasn’t aware of how bad it really was.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Sicheng said. “I want things to go back to what they used to be. We’ve been together for a long time. We’ve gotten to know each other really well. She’s one of my closest friends but… it feels like I don’t know her at all anymore.”

Raising his hand to order another round of drinks, – tonight was going to be a long night, – Yuta patted Sicheng’s thigh, no longer wanting to ask him anything else because he could tell that Sicheng didn’t need any more questions. He was looking for answers.

“You’re going to have to talk to her eventually,” Yuta told him.

“I know that,” Sicheng agreed, his mind already conjuring up the image of you crying as he tried to confront you. He wasn’t sure if he could put either of you through this. “I-I just don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t want to be the third person here, so I can’t help you with that,” Yuta replied. “But honesty is usually the best policy. Especially in relationships.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng located his phone and absentmindedly tried to check the time before he realized that he’d turned his phone off, wanting to avoid all that was inevitable for just one night.

It hurt him to know that you were probably worrying about missing the date but he couldn’t dismiss all that happened and say that it’s fine, and he didn’t feel like arguing tonight, either. He needed some time.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” Sicheng decided and felt his chest contract painfully as he continued, “I feel like I’ll break both of our hearts and I don’t think either one of us is ready for that.”

Even though he’d lost count of how many times the waiter stopped by their booth last night, Sicheng didn’t blame the hangover for his headache. He knew it wasn’t the night out that was causing him pain that no amount of aspirin could get rid of.

The clock barely showed nine on a Sunday morning and, even though Sicheng couldn’t remember falling asleep, he didn’t feel tired in the slightest. He was anticipating what was to come and chose to stop delaying the confrontation with you by turning his phone back on. Missed calls and text messages from you immediately poured in. He was surprised that his phone hadn’t died yet, despite being turned off.

However, before he got a chance to open a single text, he heard a knock on his door. He didn’t have to ask who it was to know. He’s been with you for so long, he could basically feel your presence already.

“Sicheng, please,” your voice behind the door rang through his room. “I know you’re home. I called Taeil, he told me you’d be here.”

Sicheng groaned. He should have warned Taeil not to say anything to you beforehand.

Not having prepared what he was going to say to you once he saw you, Sicheng opened the door and inhaled deeply in a last-ditch attempt to prepare himself for everything that was about to happen.

You looked beautiful. Your eyes were red, you had no make-up on, your hair was everywhere, – clearly, your night was as rough as his, – and he still couldn’t help but feel his heart swell.

He loved you. So much more than he probably should have.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as soon as your eyes met. “God, you have no idea how sorry I am.”

Walking away from the door, he opened it wider. “I think you should come in.”

You were in the middle of another hasty apology but you closed your mouth at the sound of his stern voice and chose to walk into the room instead of saying anything else.

Perhaps your apologies had to wait, Sicheng looked like he had a lot to say to you. However, he did not speak for the first few minutes after he closed the door, the two of you – and the thick, painful silence – being the only ones in the room.

“Have you eaten?” were the first words he finally allowed himself to say.

“No,” you replied. “I’m not hungry.”

He nodded thoughtfully, not quite liking the answer but not having an appropriate response to it ready. It was difficult to switch the topic to something that was very literally life-altering, and Sicheng spent a good minute considering if he should just forget all that happened last night – and all the months leading up to it – and just move on. That’d surely spare you both the pain of having to discuss your relationship.

“We should probably talk,” you ended up saying after he stayed quiet. “I-I’m very sorry about last night.”

“I know,” he said, exhaling slowly as he tried to get his thoughts to stop running through his mind. “I’m sorry, too. I should have called you. I guess I just needed some space.”

“No, I understand,” you said although you didn’t really understand. You nearly ran out of tears last night after you realized what you’d done. You just needed to explain yourself to him and he wasn’t willing to listen. “It’s my fault. I’m very sorry. Work has been overwhelming lately and I have finals coming up, you know what it’s like.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sicheng nodded, sounding understanding but looking distant. “I’m sorry if I’ve put pressure on you by forcing you to make time for me, I—”

“You’ve never forced me to do anything,” you disagreed and, although he stopped talking, you could tell that he wasn’t hearing you. “I want to spend every minute of every day with you, you know that. I just—I can’t right now.”

“I get it,” he said. “Maybe you need a break. From me. From… us.”

It was easy to say it, after all. The difficult part was looking at you after the words left his lips.

He felt like he wasn’t being fair by staring at the floor, though, so he dared to look up at you and immediately started to wish he hadn’t done that. You looked almost feverish. Your red eyes glistened under the flourescent lights of his room and your entire body was starting to shake.

“Are you saying we should break up?” you asked slowly, every word twisting the knife Sicheng had inserted into both of your hearts deeper.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, choosing to follow Yuta’s advice and be as open and honest with you as it was possible. Perhaps you two could find a solution together because, clearly, dating wasn’t really working for you. “I don’t know what the right thing to do here is. I’ve never been in a similar situation before.”

“Well, I haven’t either,” you replied, not noticing how high-pitched your voice was getting. “But I’m sure that breaking up is rarely ever the right choice.”

“What is, then?” Sicheng asked. “We don’t see each other anymore. And you know I’m not exaggerating. Last time I saw you was when I brought you lunch two weeks ago. And I only got to hang out with you for ten minutes. I can barely even remember our last proper date because it was so long ago.”

You found this rather unfair.

“I wait for you,” you said, unsure what would come first – the anger or the tears. “Every time you’re busy, I wait for you. We’ve gone months without seeing each other when you’re promoting. What’s different now?”

“Everything!” he countered. “It was never like this. We talked on the phone every night when I was away. We stayed awake long enough to Facetime with each other even if we were in different timezones. None of that is happening right now.”

“I-I don’t have the ti—”

“I know!” Sicheng said and then lowered his voice when he noticed the first tears fall from his eyes. It took him everything to restrain himself from crossing the room and wrapping his arms around you. “I don’t blame you. I don’t think you’re doing this on purpose. I know you’re busy. And that’s exactly why I feel like we need a break.”

You shook your head, wiping the tears away from your cheeks. “There’s no such thing as ‘a break.’ It’s just a prequel to a break-up.”

“Okay,” he nodded, biting his lip as he looked away from you, his heart tearing itself apart inside of his chest. “So be it.”

You sniffled, trying to keep the tears in. A part of you saw this coming – every night you spent alone, counting the hours and then the days since you’ve last seen your boyfriend, you had a feeling your relationship was headed towards its end – but his words still seemed to take you by surprise. Evidently, you couldn’t really prepare yourself for an end to one of the most important chapters of your life.

“So, this is it?” you asked quietly, not finding enough strength in yourself to put up a fight because, deep inside, you knew you’d have been fighting for a lost cause. “We’re giving all of this up?”

“I love you,” Sicheng said closing his eyes as the next words burned his throat, “but I don’t think there’s anything left to give up anymore.”

You couldn’t look away from him – your eyes were glued to him as if you were afraid that this would become real as soon as you looked away – but tears were slowly starting to cloud your vision, bringing you back to the cruel reality: your relationship had fallen apart and there were no words—no apologies—that could have saved it. If relationships had an expiration date, yours was already way past it.

Admitting that you were essentially powerless against time and could not go back to the old days when everything was still fine—when both of you still managed to find time for each other—was the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do. You’d never wish for anyone to give up when all they wanted to do was fight because your entire being hurt from the utter helplessness.

“I’m sorry,” you said for the last time, “I should have tried harder.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Sicheng agreed, his eyes losing its shade and slowly turning empty. “Maybe the timing wasn’t right for us.”

“Is it ever?” you asked, trying to smile and failing miserably. You had a feeling you weren’t going to genuinely smile in a long time after you left. “Time isn’t very generous with perfect opportunities.”

“That’s true,” he said. “But I still hope for an opportunity to see you again.”

The hidden meaning of his words was that he was hoping for another chance with you. Perhaps neither of you would grow out of this love. Perhaps your love could endure the test of time and allow you to try this again.

Or perhaps both of your hearts were so desperate for any kind of comfort that they were willing to believe anything.

“Yeah,” you said. “Maybe we’ll get lucky for once.”

Silence – so cold and unfamiliar – seemed to engulf you both when there was nothing left to be said. The only noise in the room was the sound of your heart tearing itself in two and leaving one half of it on the floor of Sicheng’s room. You’d never ask for it back.

“I love you,” he reminded you as you headed for the door. His voice broke as he spoke, the change in octave stomping on your already exhausted heart. “Despite everything. I really do.”

“I know,” you whispered, not turning around to face him anymore. “I love you, too.”

You knew that we all got only one shot at first love and you were afraid that this was the only bullet life had given you. You’ve made your shot already. It took two years for the bullet to travel – and it never reached the target.

You didn’t know if you’d ever get a chance at another shot again because you’d wasted this one. You didn’t know how long it’d take for you to fix the damage you’ve done. How long it’d take for you to mend your broken heart. To stop loving him.

It was ironically sunny on the worst Sunday of your life and your eyes were the ones that provided the rain, attempting to wash away the truth: the once promising future with your first love had ended before it even began.

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ruinedthatfriendship · 5 years

Text

Let’s Ruin the Friendship

A/N: Don’t remember writing it, but rereading was certainly an adventure! In which Dimon are besties and also in love, and it’s extremely fluffy .

Demi wasn’t even all that surprised anymore to come home to the lights already on. The key she’d once given Simon for a legitimate and temporary use in her first year as an X Factor judge had been one she’d never actually gotten back, and sometimes she swore he spent more time in her apartment than he did in his own home.

“What are you doing here?” she sighed, trying not to be irritated with him as she closed the door behind her and slid off her coat. Normally she would have welcomed his presence, but the entire day had already rubbed her the wrong way and she didn’t really feel up to dealing with anyone, even him.

Simon was in the living room, laid out on her couch like he belonged with a bundle of papers in his lap and his glasses on. She’d always liked him in those glasses, not that she’d ever tell him that. He glanced up at her and wrinkled his eyebrows slightly. “Not very welcoming, brat. I did order dinner, you know.”

Demi perked up slightly in spite of herself, moving into the kitchen to set down her handbag on the counter for the time being. “Thai?”

“Obviously,” Simon replied, returning to the documents on his lap.

Demi made her way into the living area, shoving unceremoniously at his sock-covered feet and reaching for the remote. “Oh, move over, old man,”

He huffed something unintelligible at her, but obliged, shuffling his contracts and then pulling his legs up long enough for her to sit before promptly depositing them back in her lap with a smirk.

Demi made a noise of exaggerated disgust and glared at him, pushing at his ankles until he gave in and rearranged himself to give her space.

“Oh, come on darling, I live here too,”

She reached for the remote and ignored him, flipping aimlessly through channels. “You do not. One of these days I’m going to take that key back.”

“You wouldn’t,” Simon returned triumphantly. “I bring you dinner.”

“I may not be as ridiculously rich as you are, but I think I can afford to buy my own takeout,” Demi said loftily, lifting her chin and pretending to be very interested in a commercial for In-N-Out.

“I have plenty of other qualities, darling.”

Demi held his serious gaze for a moment before cracking, and both of them burst into laughter, Simon not bothering to stifle it the way he did so often on TV. “You are awful,” she finally snorted, smiling brightly in his direction.

“Annoying,” he countered.

“Old.”

“Brat.”

“Grandpa!”

“Gobby.”

“Demanding, gray haired ass--”

“Irritating, unpredictable, moody--”

“I hate you!” Demi complained with no real malice in her voice, pausing suddenly at the sound of her doorbell.

Simon pointed to her door with a wink, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and throwing a pair of $20′s at her. “I bought you dinner.”

Rolling her eyes, Demi uncurled her legs and made her way to the door. “Yeah, but I still have to go get it.”

She smiled politely at the delivery guy, accepting the bags of food and telling him to keep the change. She was already laughing before she’d even gotten the door closed, trying to peer into the white plastic bags in her hands. “Simon, did you order the entire restaurant? What is in here?”

He gave her that preoccupied glance again when she walked back toward him, evidently back to focusing on his work, and shrugged. “You haven’t eaten much lately,” he offered casually, as if it was obvious.

Demi blinked, sitting down rather heavily on the couch and proceeding to stare at him. And you noticed? She wanted to say.

“What?” Simon glanced at her, pausing with his pen between his lips.

“Nothing,” Demi spat out in a hurry, looking down at the food in her lap and busying herself unwrapping it. Finding his usual pad thai near the top, she wordlessly handed it to him and sorted through the rest of the options to pick something to start with herself.

It had been three years since the day Demi had agreed to meet Simon at her apartment for a contract meeting, and slipped her spare key into his hand, sending him around to the back of her building to avoid paparazzi. Working together on the judging panel, their relationship had only solidified from that point, and Demi accepted somewhere around the start of her second season as a judge that she was probably never going to get that key back.

And now that she was back to working on her music full time and touring, and he was dealing with the rest of his reality shows, she’d briefly expected their relationship to fade. Instead, he seemed to exist almost perpetually in one of two places; airports and her couch. Of course, with her having been across the world on tour recently, she wasn’t sure how much time he’d really been spending here, but it wouldn’t surprise her if he was still lurking on her sofa while she was singing in Europe. Demi only really found it strange if she tried to think about it through her most objectively rational lens.

Her family certainly thought it was weird that she was spending so much of her time with a 50 year old man, and Dianna frequently fixed her with a questioning stare and asked her what was going on with him.

The best she could offer was a lame ‘He’s my friend, Mom’, which always made her feel stupid. She had no other explanation, though. No, he wasn’t taking advantage of her. No, they weren’t sleeping together. Unless you counted the handful of times a jetlagged Simon had passed out on her bed. No, nothing was going on.

She just… inexplicably trusted him more than anyone else. She’d rather sit on the couch and watch Netflix and bitch about his feet or head in her lap than go out with other friends. And if rationally she knew it was weird to cuddle up to a man who was neither family nor lover, that the secrecy of a completely innocent friendship only added another layer of strange, that the stray thoughts and dreams that crept in sometimes were decidedly not welcome, she didn’t let on.

Mostly she tried not to be rational.

“So,” Simon said, setting the black plastic bowl of his dinner on the floor beside them. “Are you going to tell me what was bothering you earlier, doll?”

Demi frowned absently, glancing at him briefly. She was still nibbling on her own meal, scrolling through options on Netflix with an expression of concentration. “Huh?”

“You were upset when you got home,” Simon said matter-of-factly, prompting a weird look from Demi.

She’d almost forgotten she’d been in a bad mood, too busy laughing and bantering around with Simon to bother thinking about it. And he hadn’t only erased the problem, but noticed in the first place and made a point to ask. Something fluttered in her chest, and she studiously ignored it, aware all the while that she was currently sharing a sofa with a man that, for all his flaws, was probably better than she deserved.

“It was stupid,” she mumbled, glancing to her lap briefly and then back to the TV. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Demi,” he prompted softly.

“Oh come on, Simon,” she tried, “I’m always a grumpy brat, aren’t I?”

“Mm, annoying, yes.” He mused. “Brat, yes. Stressed and irritated? Not if I can help it,”

Demi softened at his words, and sighed, settling quickly on an old episode of House of Cards that was still at the top of her watchlist, probably Simon’s fault. “Phil thinks I should add a tour date,” she huffed. “I don’t want to, and he’s pissing me off because he doesn’t want to listen.”

“Add a date where?” Simon murmured. He was still looking down at the paperwork in his lap, but Demi wasn’t fooled. She knew he was still listening to her.

Demi shrugged. “At the end, after France.” She was currently enjoying a break after the last few concerts in the US for the tour, before flying out to France for a single show in September. “He wants to book a concert in Brazil. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Simon looked up at her, fixing her with a look on his face that said he was in manager mode. “Why not?”

Demi pouted. “I don’t want to go to Brazil.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “Demi!” When she just sat there petulantly, he sighed, trying to be patient. “What’s wrong with Brazil?”

Phil wants to book it over your birthday and I want to be here but I can’t use that argument because it would be weird. Demi said none of that, opting instead to inarticulately blink at him. “Um.”

“Well obviously he’s not listening to you,” Simon snorted. “You’re objecting to an entire country and you don’t have a reason?”

“It’s in October,” Demi offered lamely. “I thought I’d be done by then.”

“You were supposed to be in Madrid in October, before that one got cancelled,” Simon pointed out. “I’m not surprised Phil wants to add something back, all things considered.”

“Yeah but the Madrid one wasn’t--” Demi started to protest, then cut herself off. “Never mind.”

“Wasn’t what?”

“Never mind, I said.”

“Wasn't what, brat?” he pushed gently, standing with his stack of contracts and moving them to her kitchen table before returning, this time throwing an arm around her shoulders.

Demi sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder. They didn’t do this. They were always together and they had no boundaries and they were always doing something or other that really pushed the limits of what defined a normal friendship. But nothing was said, no confessions made. Telling him she wanted to skip Brazil for the sake of his birthday would cross a line she couldn’t take back.

“I was gonna do something with Maddie,” she mumbled, a cop-out. “The Spain date didn’t conflict with it.”

Simon briefly rested his head on top of hers, hugging her a little tighter. “I’m sure your sister will understand, doll. You can just reschedule,”

Demi sighed, snuggling closer and putting her feet over his lap this time. “I guess,”

“You won’t be missing much anyway,” he tried for levity, as always playing the cocky, I’m-Simon-Cowell card. “I’ll be in London for most of the month, anyway.”

She lifted her head to peer at him, studying his face. “You will?”

Simon just nodded, briefly gesturing to the stack of papers on her table. “Taping for BGT. Though I expect my mum will be happy; I’ll have no excuse not to see her for my birthday.” He grimaced theatrically.

Demi wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel better or not, but at least it wouldn’t be her fault if they missed each other now. Still, however you looked at it, she wouldn’t be with him, a concept that bothered her rather more than she was willing to admit. She was quietly contemplative, staring blankly ahead of her at the TV while Simon actually watched the episode, tucked into his side and inhaling the familiar scent of cigarettes and mint and, this time, her laundry detergent. The ever present, well-worn white shirt must have been one of the ones he’d left here.

She could deny everything to her mother all she wanted, and technically it was the truth. They were friends, and they weren’t sleeping together, and they both frequently went on dates with other people that somehow always ended up with the two of them in her apartment, complaining about it. But none of that negated the fact that Demi had been pretty sure of for a while now, though she was loathe to admit it even to herself.

She took the opportunity briefly to study Simon’s face. He was unaware of her, absorbed in Netflix and rather adorably focused on the episode. God help me, she thought, I’m falling in love with you.

It was a sobering thought, rather than a happy one, because she knew Simon would never feel the same way about her. He was the sort of man who went after what he wanted, and if he’d ever wanted her he would have done something about it a long time ago. He wouldn’t be hanging around to platonically snuggle with her and generally make a nuisance of himself.

She watched Simon lean back and let Netflix autoplay the next episode, smiling a bit to herself while her eyelids drooped. She was going to get hurt and she knew it. But for now, she was tired and Simon made for a comfortable pillow. She’d worry about the rest of it all later.

***

Demi blinked slowly in the darkness, sleepily half-awake and not quite sure what was going on. She was lying stretched out on the couch, she figured, squashed up against the back of the couch and half-lying on Simon’s chest. The room was completely dark, illuminated only by the dim grey glow of her TV still showing the red Netflix symbol, and she figured it was probably somewhere between three and four am.

She shifted slightly, letting her eyes fall shut again and feeling Simon’s breathing stutter slightly in its rhythm, his hand moving just enough against her back to tell her he was awake too. And she probably should have gotten up then, whispered an apology and slunk off to her bedroom--where he’d probably just follow anyway, stealing the other half of her blankets--but it was nice, and she wanted to be selfish just this once. Odd as it may sound given all of their usual closeness, she’d never actually gotten to sleep like this, and Demi didn’t really feel like giving up the opportunity.

She’d just pretend she was still asleep. She’d fall back to sleep anyway soon enough, she figured. And of course as soon as she thought that, she’d cursed herself to lie restlessly awake in the dark, all of her unbidden thoughts about Simon deciding to race around her skull again.

Demi held in the annoyed huff she wanted to give, still committed to feigning sleep, and tried to find a positive in the situation. At least she’d actually remember the experience of sleeping in Simon’s arms, just this once.

She was fairly certain Simon had fallen back to sleep by now, and she was doing her best to do the same, when his quiet whisper split the silence. “Demi?”

Keeping her breathing even and wondering why she was bothering, Demi said nothing, continuing her Oscar-worthy performance of being asleep and dead to the world. She felt Simon adjust his arms around her, holding her tighter, and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her hair.

“Damn it, brat.” he sighed, and Demi wondered if she was squishing him terribly. She was just about to give up her game and sit up when he spoke again, his voice so low she could barely make out the words, even as close as she was to him.

“I love you,”

Demi’s heart skipped several beats, then started racing. She could barely breathe, and she was almost sure he could feel her heartbeat against his own rib cage, but if he knew she was listening, he gave no indication. “I love you,” he repeated in a whisper, sighing softly as if the admission came at great personal cost.

There was a sensation like a balloon swelling up in her chest, and she was starting to smile to herself into his shirt, no longer able to resist responding. Smiling brightly in the darkness and now very much wide awake, Demi popped her head up to prop her chin on his chest, feeling him jump slightly beneath her at her sudden movement.

“You do?”

His hand tightened reflexively on her hip, and she could feel his heart racing under her wrist. “Doll, I--”

“It’s okay, Simon,” she whispered softly, biting her lip and wishing desperately she could see his face better.

“Demi--” he started, sounding suddenly very tired and very defeated. Like he thought he’d just destroyed everything.

“I love you too,” she blurted, wanting so desperately to take that note out of his voice. “It’s okay, Simon… I’m in love with you,” she whispered hesitantly.

Simon went very still, and then she felt his arm leave her back and reach up somewhere behind his head. A switch clicked, and then the lamp on the table beside the couch flared, light momentarily blinding both of them as their eyes adjusted.

Demi blinked rapidly, trying to focus her vision. And the first thing she saw was Simon, tired and rumpled with his hair sticking up and the slight imprint of the hand she’d extended above her in sleep on his jawline, vulnerability and hope flashing across his face.

Propping herself up cutely with her elbows on either side of his chest, she met his eyes with a little smile and a shrug, biting her lip and waiting for a reaction.

A pause that seemed to last an eternity while his brain caught up, and then all at once he yanked her the last few inches up toward him while she squeaked, and crashed his lips against hers.

Demi moaned involuntarily into the kiss, parting her lips for his tongue to trace her mouth and sliding one of her hands up into his hair, her entire body coming alive under his touch.

No one had ever kissed her like this, no one had ever made her feel like this, and she knew all at once that for all her diligent sobriety, this would be one addiction she’d never get over.

Simon sat up with her on his lap, his hands sliding under the loose top she was wearing, breaking the kiss to look at her with a question in his eyes. Demi answered it for him by hastily yanking the shirt over her head and discarding it, leaving her in just a lacy bralette.

And as she reached for the hem of Simon’s own trademark t-shirt, Demi spared one last thought for Phil and the tour. It was getting rescheduled, or better yet, never booked, because she’d be on a flight to London. Transatlantic obligations be damned, there was no way she was going to miss this.

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bnprime · 7 years

Text

a weird letter

i got a weird letter, as a faculty member of ubc okanagan everyone seemed to get one, they were sent via institutional mail, and were hand addressed. inside it was a plea, from a 4th year philosophy major from ubc vancouver, to act in the defense of academic freedom, against social justice warriors who were seeking to.. i dunno. something paranoid. after the letter was a list of jordan peterson videos we should watch and a list of things we could do. okay so like... how should i put this. i want to get my ideas down about what this kid is getting right and wrong. right: there is a doctrine called academic freedom, which says that an academic should be free to explore any idea, and express their findings about their ideas. This is what “tenure” is all about. Academic freedom also extends to how and what we teach our students. Although, there are some caveats regarding professionalism and prerequisites (for example, if you’re hired to teach a calculus class, it is a disservice to your students not to teach them the basic calculus that subsequent courses will assume they have mastered). wrong: (begin the list). 1. academic freedom is not a statement which says that a person is free to act and research whatever they want. Indeed, earning “tenure” is a very rare event, requiring that a researcher spend their entire adult lives building us a portfolio of research which speaks to their relevancy to the institution and their competence. I study black holes and time machines. It’s not, formally, a threat to my academic freedom that a university who is looking to hire a biophysicist won’t hire me... or if they have hired me, won’t promote me to tenure. There is a selective effect, based on one’s research interests, and the community in the faculty, which acts as a filter on some ideas and research paths. Effectively, the result of the scarcity of positions at a university means that there IS a censuring effect on the ideas propagated by the university. As academics, our only resolution to this apparent contradiction is that the community of peers who judges who is worthy of being payed.. rather than some less informed, more arbitrary decision maker. So yeah, if you do research your peers decide is “bad,” the system will hit you. the ideal of academic freedom does not exist for people without tenure, which means it barely exists at all. 2. academic freedom does not extend to things one is not really researching. Academic freedom doesn’t mean freedom from consequences or from criticism. the power of the academy is that there are always other experts who can weigh in on whatever claim you are making. If your research is not up to snuff, your peers WILL snuff it.That’s the point to academia. Peer review is super important. Even if you DO know what you’re talking about, you can expect a little flack. So, if you spend all your time preaching half-understood ideas in an area you’re NOT an expert in: buckle up. you deserve to catch hell for wasting everyone’s time. because you will be criticized. And if you don’t have tenure? it will affect your career. 3. Academic freedom is only one aspect of being a member of the academy. the other big aspect can be called “collegiality.” you treat the people around you with respect. but more than that, there are certain ethical guidelines for your interactions with your colleagues. Don’t harass them. Don’t threaten them. Don’t bully them. Give everyone the same space granted to you to get the work done IN YOUR ARENA OF EXPERTISE. often, universities will put out a “code of conduct” formalizing these behaviours. But even if you haven’t read it, collegiality is expected of you. It is, after all, the glue which holds the institution together. 4. What academic freedom is for: university life is really nice. I don’t have a boss. I mean, there is a person who hires me, and can cancel my contract.. but no one manages me, and the university can’t fire me (although they CAN decide to NOT REHIRE me) for my research. In other words, belonging to this institution, i am sheltered from the external political world. Recently some UBC biologists caught flack. They were in the process of publishing a paper about mice and vaccines and autism, when they caught a mistake and withdrew the paper they had written. That’s great. exploring possibilities is great. catching mistakes is great. I know that in the broader world, there is a lot of (very stupid) anti vaccine stuff about autism, but if a biologist wants to investigate this, it’s in the scope of their academic freedom. AND, if the biologist is behaving ethically and professionally, they should report their findings accurately and in good faith. UBC is sheltering the biologists from the flack, and i think that’s good. I mean, in the general scope of things, they stepped on a landmine in an ant-hill, but whatever. their work can and should be judged on its professionalism and its accuracy. don’t call the media. don’t hold a meeting. let the other experts chew on it. 5. the big irony the big irony here is that the stupid letter i received is a contradiction. in appealing to academic freedom it was trying to levy political support to BLOCK the conversations other EXPERTS were having. maybe you don’t understand the movement towards social justice, lead by sociologists and cultural critics. That’s fine, i don’t understand much of anything. If you want to be a critic inside the institution, then EXPERT UP. take classes. Learn all the angles. get the letters. and then participate in the conversation. In trying to drum up political support inside the institution for the silencing of other voices, he’s suppressing academic freedom. good work broseph. 6. Jordan Peterson this dude. give me a break. A Junian Psychologist is weighing in on sociology? Well whatever, he DOES HAVE TENURE. and that means that he has the privilege of having the STRONGEST kind of academic freedom: the freedom from not being rehired because your peers think that you’re wasting everyone’s time. does that mean that no one can criticize him? oh no, he’s being bad. he’s being UNCOLLEGIAL. remember that phrase from earlier? he’s not treating the people surrounding him with respect. In fact, he has a history of trying to gain political support from outside the institution for the purposes of pressuring his colleagues. especially those who are gender nonbinary and trans. he takes the rightful criticism of his lazy ideas and rephrases them as attacks on his academic freedom. 7. Collegiality and Professionalism: so this wasn’t like, a big issue a while ago. You’d have professors sexually harassing students, or other professors. I’ve heard of physical assault. But if the researcher was sufficiently productive in their research, the institution kind of shrugged it off. we’re getting to the point where this isn’t going to fly anymore. The metrics Collegiality and Professionalism are slowly become factors in the continuing employment of academics. Obviously rightly so: one the one hand it will not do for an institution to work as a conveyor belt, bringing new victims to a predatory jerk... and on the other hand, a collegial atmosphere is a requisite, just like academic freedom, for people to do their best, most creative work. Once we become formally aware of this dimension of academic culture: the question will be “where do we draw the line when it comes to labelling something as unprofessionally uncollegial?” my guess is that it will be past physical assaulting a colleague or student, that it will be past sexually harassing a colleague of student, and that it will be past running a giant patreon campaign so that you can mobilize the general public to harass a colleague or student. 8. In conclusion: Academic freedom has, and has always had limits. It is an important governing principle, but it is not holy to the institutions and culture of academia. This isn’t a statement about how we should feel licence to censor people... but rather a statement that we should be aware of how and why people get the axe. So using it as a crutch to rhetorically support your bias, and using it as a shield to save you from criticism and consequence isn’t going to fly, son. There’s a line of people four blocks long who aren’t getting a desk with a door in these buildings, because their research is correct and accurate and done in good faith, it just isn’t very relevant, or exciting, or numerous. Lazy thinking isn’t even going to get you into that line. Furthermore, there are other aspects of academic life beyond academic freedom, which can and should qualify someone as a target for accusations of professional misconduct. Specifically: collegiality. The bare minimum is that you give other people a nodding respect, and the space they need. Collegiality isn’t a right, it’s a responsibility. A responsibility we owe to the system which provides us with our academic freedom: like teaching, and like academic service. And if you’re not willing to pay this price, maybe you don’t deserve a seat at the table.

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wolfpawn · 4 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 139

Chapter Summary - Danielle goes to New York on a business trip and when she gets home, plays hostess.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1@black-ninja-blade

Danielle sighed as the pilot declared they had finally made it back to London. There was an issue in New York that meant her flight was cancelled, which in the grand scheme of things was not too problematic, she was, of course, her own boss, but it did mean she had to rearrange a few things around that she had planned for the next day, and the dinner she had planned to have with Tom that night with perhaps some fun, was cancelled, but overall, it was fine, she just wanted to be home.

The few days in New York were tedious and boring. It was mostly regarding the business side of Safeguard, taxes, profits, the usual boring work, but there was also a few arguments regarding blame for the few incidences that had occurred in the work year. When the finger-pointing of said blame began, Danielle sat back and read the entirety of the documentation for her office, since none of the lawsuits were directly against her office, so the finger-pointing parties would be brave to even suggest she had a part in any of them. She read the costs of the business and noted that they needed to streamline a few issues regarding costs in the office. While the men bickered, she wrote a few suggestions on a post-it and placed it in her file. When it was suggested she move herself to the US as she was the only one without a blot in her worksheet, she scoffed and told them it was London or nothing. She would happily walk away from the job that day were they to cut the London office or insist she leave it, reminding them that she was not even a year with the company and they had not had the productions to match anything the US offices had faced, so she would not be likely to have had the issues they had had, but with their name growing in Europe also, it was only a matter of time that their business would pick up larger projects and be prone to the same issues as the US offices had. Offers of better packages and deals did nothing to sway her, she was adamant, she wanted London, it was her home, that is where she had built her life and nothing would sway that. The most she would do would be to move out of the city, but her home was with Tom in Britain with their dogs, friends and family.

She was spotted a few times in New York, a few people took photos and even a girl came up to her and asked her to tell Tom that he had inspired the girl to follow her dream and that she had been accepted to some acting school and to thank him for being an inspiration. Danielle smiled and said she would before messaging Tom to tell him. Overall, the trip was boring. New York was interesting, or she assumed it was. She saw very little in her time there due to her busy time dealing with all things Safeguard related. There were also events planned in the evenings in different restaurants which most often ended up in clubs, the latter part of which, Danielle avoided. She was not interested in such things and the last thing she wanted to do was be seen acting mad without Tom there. Even a simple stumble would be construed as being shitfaced drunk and she did not want that. Never did she think that she would have to consider such things, but Danielle found herself actively considering such and as she skyped Tom or messaged him from her hotel room and watched the terrible photos go up on Facebook pages of those she worked with, she did not regret her decision. Tom urged her to go the first night, but when he saw she wanted to stay in, he said nothing more, instead telling her what happened in her absence.

She walked through the arrivals lounge, getting her bag and walking through the airport terminal and into the drop off area. She had it planned and was just waiting to see if the timing worked well, sure enough, not five minutes later, she saw her car coming towards her, chuckling to herself at Tom smiling at her from the driver’s seat. She walked to the door to the back seat and placed her suitcase and rushed to her own door, seeing the line of traffic that was coming behind them.

Tom, seeing the same dilemma barely waiting to hear the click of her seatbelt before driving off. ‘Hello.’ He grinned almost coyly.

‘Hi, what are you driving my car?’ She smiled.

‘The dogs and I went for a spin today and your car was closest to the gate.’

‘You did that ridiculous thing where you cannot get your car out with my car in the way, haven’t you?’ Tom said nothing but looked sheepishly at the road, causing her to laugh. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m fine, I missed you, but fine. What about you, you seemed annoyed yesterday?’

‘I was forced to be away a night more than I wanted, of course I was. I just...New York is not somewhere I would go too often. I went to Central Park, which was beautiful, but…..I wanted to be home.’

‘So no move the “Big Apple” for you?’ Tom asked.

‘Not in a million years.’ She shook her head. ‘They wanted me to move over, did I tell you that?’ She turned to look at him, seeing the shock on his face. ‘I told them I would walk before I would ever consider it. This is home, I am not leaving.’

‘What did they say?’

‘What could they say? They only want me over there because of the whole no lawsuits here thus far.’

‘So they want to drag you down in your stats?’ Tom’s jaw clenched. After the comments Lucas made regarding her using Tom as a stepping stone the time he offered her a part of the business, he was not too fond of the Australian, when all of the errors by the US offices were forced onto her desk causing her to have to work double shifts, he became more unlikely to become a fan of her fellow partners. He hoped when the time came to consider her options after the five-year contract, she would consider more options than staying with Safeguard if such became more commonplace.

‘No, I think they are just hoping to spread the madness in general but I am not interested. I want to be here, with you, our dogs and all this...okay, I would like a little less rain.’

Tom chuckled before taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles. ‘Even with the rain?’

‘There is no question for me, this is home.’

Tom smiled as she recited the words that he had said the time people were urging him to go to LA to have more of a chance with his acting career. ‘Even if it is not Ireland?’

‘I miss Ireland, I miss a lot about it, but I built my life here.’

Tom bit the inside of his cheeks at her declaration, she saw her life with him. The offer of more at work paled in comparison to what she had with him. He heard her trying to stifle a yawn beside him. ‘Did you not sleep well last night?’

‘I didn’t sleep at all, and then there was this woman on the plane, in the seat in front of me, God Tom, she was like a banshee.’

‘A what?’

‘A banshee, a sort of Irish fairy, renowned for its high pitched wails and shrieking.’

‘So no sleep there either?’

‘None.’

‘I need to ask, about tonight?’

‘Yes?’

Tom glanced at her for a moment, seeing her confusion. ‘You forget what we planned?’

Danielle thought for a moment before groaning. ‘Shite, I forgot.’

‘I will send them a text.’

‘What, no. We had this planned with ages.’

‘You’re too tired though.’

‘Doesn’t matter, I will go home, get an hour and go get ready.’

‘Elle…’ Tom interrupted. ‘Ben and Sophie won’t mind.’

‘I was supposed to be home yesterday.’ Danielle groaned. ‘I want this.’ Tom glanced at her for another moment as they wanted to join the flow of traffic. ‘I want to do this.’

‘I don’t want you to feel pressured.’

‘How tidy is the house?’

‘Good, I mean, I didn’t wash behind the couch, but…’

‘Right, stop at Waitrose on the way back, or the Co-op and we’ll grab what’s needed. I’ll jimmy the food a little so it won’t take us too long to do and we’ll be sorted.’

‘So dominant, aren’t you?’ Tom smiled.

‘You love it.’ She grinned in return.

‘Right, that’s everything.’ Elle smiled, putting her arms around Tom. ‘Thank you for all your help.’

Tom turned and enveloped her in his arms. ‘Any time Darling, the doing of jobs to entertain our friends is not a burden for you alone.’ He leant down and kissed her. ‘I have missed you.’

‘It’s only been a week.’

‘A long and terrible week.’

‘So what day are you heading to promote Infinity War?’

‘Too soon.’

‘Are we going to your mums for your birthday?’

‘Not this year.’ Danielle looked at him. ‘I am needed here the morning after.’

‘But she’s coming here, right?’

‘I was going to talk to you about that.’

‘What “talk about” she is your mother, of course, she has to come here.’

‘Dad wants to be part of things too.’

‘Oh.’

‘Exactly.’

‘They are adults, they know how to behave.’

‘You don’t mind?’

‘Why would I mind? Tom, they are your family. Speaking of family, guess who is coming to London?’

‘Your aunt that is less than pleasant?’

‘Close. Siobhán.’

‘Yeah?’

‘She and the poor fecker she is going out with are coming over for a few days. I said I would be available to spend time with her. If you are available, we should bring them for dinner.’

‘I think that’s a wonderful idea. Where are they staying?’

‘I got them a good deal in Premier Inn in Archway.’

‘Close enough to town.’

‘Exactly, and a healthy distance from here. Family are great but under your roof, not always. I will meet them in King’s Cross and show them where to go and see what days they want to do what and let you know.’

‘Sounds like a plan.’ He pulled her to him. ‘You’re exhausted.’

‘Is that your way of telling me I look like crap?’

‘No, I did not say “you look exhausted”, I am saying you are exhausted, I can see you are tired, but you don’t look half bad for someone as tired as you are.’

Danielle laughed as he grinned at her cheekily. ‘Hey.’ He chuckled. ‘I am tired, I won’t lie, but I want to do this. We don’t get to see Ben and Sophie as we would like. Speaking of which, I need to put the roast veggies into the oven.’

‘Good….’ Tom paused as Mac and Bobby barked, informing them that their guests had arrived. ‘I get that, you do this.’ He kissed her for a moment before walking out of the room.

Danielle did as she had planned. When she turned around again, she smiled warmly. ‘Well, hello strangers.’

Sophie hugged her tight. ‘You survived the madness of a premiere.’

‘Barely. It is so hard.’

‘So no Infinity War for you?’

‘I have not even considered it, we’ll see. How is work?’

‘Overwhelming, what time did you get back yesterday?’

‘I am home with about, six hours, I think. And I did that thing where I went for a sleep and woke more tired than I went to sleep.’

‘I hate that, you should have called and cancelled.’ Ben leant down and kissed her cheek. ‘Hello.’

‘Hi.’ Danielle smiled back. ‘Tom offered, but I wanted to see you both, we both did.’

‘Well, we are amazing.’ Ben chuckled.

‘Drinks?’

‘You know me so well.’ Ben beamed as he clapped Tom’s shoulder, the two men going to get something to drink.

Danielle rolled her eyes before getting two wine glasses and the white wine she knew Sophie liked. ‘So, how are my favourite boys?’

‘So bloody adorable, I need to show you a picture of them in a minute, but for now, you need to talk to me about how you felt at the premiere.’

‘Are you asking or is Tom asking through you?’

‘I am asking. Tom doesn’t need me to ask for him.’

‘Well, he has used Ben-ogram and Sophie-ograph before. It was fine, I just...the shouting was so loud.’

‘It can be overwhelming.’ Sophie nodded. ‘How were the fans?’

‘Great, good, I cannot fault them. If any of the nasty ones said anything, I didn’t hear it. All the ones that spoke to Tom were apparently complementary and one or two papers covered it and yeah, there were a few comparisons to any woman he stood next to for more than six seconds and indeed Swift, but overall, it was fine. The weird thing is, the Irish Independent, a paper from home, obviously, went into more detail than most about me, talking about my career and whatnot, so that felt a little odd.’

‘I know, they will get what they want, then they tend to leave you alone. But of course, that means….’

‘They’ve already snooped around and made you uncomfortable?’ Danielle finished.

‘Yes, it’s not nice, but we signed up for this, both of us.’ Sophie stated factually. ‘We knew about who Ben and Tom were, about their fans and how we would be treated. We should not have to deal with this, but we knew about it being a factor.’

Danielle nodded. The day she realised there was a chance that Tom felt as she did, she was forced to think about such things, and as their relationship progressed, after everything with their fight over the GQ article, she knew she had to work through certain things she was worried about at the time. It was true, they should not have to deal with it, but they had little choice. They could hardly ask Ben and Tom to change from the careers they loved because they had come along and did not want to deal with what they knew were their lives. ‘No, I could never do that to him, the same as I would never expect him to do it to me.’

‘If he does, don’t hide the body too well, it’s not fair on his family.’ Sophie joked.

#i hate you i love you #chapter 139 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #wolfpawn

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smutmylifeup · 7 years

Text

Out Of The Office Drama: Leave Him?

RP’d with @hifftn

MJS ladies - @whatdoyouexpectthistime @smile-smile-ichthys

Rose had been walking on cloud nine since Ryosuke confessed his feelings and they became a couple. Everything seemed airy and light and she didn’t feel like anything could go wrong.

But it could.

She’d not been into work since the day of the Seasonelle Party and spent most of that time cuddling with Ryosuke. And she was ready to jump on Miho as her thanks for setting them up. Although perhaps neither of their other half’s would like that.

Miho would though.

But that was beside the point. She needed to thank Miho, her plan worked and she was finally with someone she wanted to be with more than just physically.

“Hey Izumi, Miho about this morning?”

Rose asked, her tone more excited than Izumi had ever heard it and he stared at her as if she was complete stranger.

“Um, no. She’s out with Lieutenant Goto and his parents. She should be back later this afternoon.”

Izumi said after shaking off his initial shock and checking over the schedule he had in front of him.

“Thanks, I’m gonna make a coffee, want one?”

Rose nodded, she was sure she remembered Miho saying something about having a morning out with Goto and his parents. The wedding was just around the corner so it made sense that she’d be spending time with her family.

Rose went off the make coffees in the kitchenette but she didn’t get that far.

“Rose.”

A voice halted the spring her step. She recognised the tone to belong to Jazz, but she wasn’t familiar with the stern and almost formal was she said her name.

“Ya?”

She responded as she turned towards Jazz.

The look on Jazz’s face was quite unreadable, it was almost as if she was looking into Goto’s face instead of her ever bubbly co-workers. She looked burdened and almost a little guilty.

“Can we talk?” Jazz asked and when Rose nodded her head Jazz stepped back into her office. “In private?”

The good mood Rose was riding on seemed to die a little bit. Something was up but she had no idea what as she walked into Jazz’s office and she shut the door behind her.

Jazz had struggled long with her decision, but she couldn’t watch Rose walking into something that could be the biggest mistake of her life. Right now her emotions clouded her judgment – Jazz would have never thought that this was even possible.

But what if Rose already knew everything about her puppy? He wouldn’t lie to her, would he? But then again, would Rose stay with him if she really knew?

The really bad thing was that Jazz couldn’t talk to anyone else about this. Not even Miho. If there was one thing she didn’t want to risk it was that anyone got caught in the whole mobster mess Baba had gotten her into back then.

She couldn’t keep her mouth shut any longer.

But once Rose walked into her office, Jazz had no idea how to start.

“So, Rose… how are things? With your new – boyfriend?”

Rose stared at Jazz for a moment, she looked like she was going to chew her bottom lip off even though she wasn’t even chewing on it.

Of course Miho would have told Jazz about Ryosuke, they told each other pretty much everything. She wasn’t surprised by it, she was more surprised by the lack of teasing Jazz was doing.

“Good, a little dry in the sex department,” Rose shrugged expecting to get a little gasp or chuckle from Jazz considering Rose’s sex life before Ryosuke was VERY active but she got nothing. “He’s only just gotten comfortable touching me when he wants to.”

Rose smiled unconsciously, she remembered before he left for work this morning. He pulled her into a hug and kissed her. Off his own accord, no encouragement from Rose whatsoever.

He blushed like a tomato but she wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop blushing.

“I should bring him to meet you before Miho’s wedding.”

Rose gave a little smile at Jazz, hoping that it would calm her and she’d be able to get out whatever it was that she had to say.

Jazz squirmed in her seat, still not sure if it was her place to say something. But what if she didn’t say anything? God, this was so difficult!

“Good, good. It’s good that you – uhm, are happy.”

She briefly looked around the room, gathered her thoughts and her courage.

“I already met him once, do you remember? In that gallery? He was there with his boss… and hey, now that we are talking about it, what did you say he’s working? Your little boyfriend?”

Rose’s brow furrowed. Jazz was being extremely strange, she was avoiding what she wanted to ask or say directly and that was very unlike her, she was always straight to the point.

For most people, she would nip this in the bud and tell her to say it directly, but Rose liked Jazz, she had a lot of patience for all of MJS girls. She was clearly having a hard time with it, so she’d wait and answer her questions.

“He works in security at that Tres Spades hotel.”

Her brow un-furrowed as she said that and the furrow again when she finished. He was very evasive about his job, but Rose couldn’t justify it to herself to pry when she lied to him about hers.

She looked up at Jazz and her eyes shifted. She knew something about the question she’d just asked and Rose began to get a little worried as she waited for Jazz’s reply.

“Do you talk a lot about his work? Or yours?”

He wasn’t the only one who might have a secret after all, although Rose’s job wasn’t illegal nor morally problematic. Well, maybe a bit morally problematic, but not for Jazz or any of the others who really counted. But being a mobster and sleeping with people was a huge difference.

Rose sighed.

They didn’t. It was the one thing that they didn’t talk about. It was really obvious they were hiding something from each other but they were both so blind sighted by their newly confessed feelings that they ignored the elephant in the room.

“No.”

She said simply. Even if she did lie to Jazz about it, it wouldn’t ease the guilt about the subject she felt.

Jazz exhaled and closed her eyes briefly.

“Say, if someone knew something that might be important for another someone, but the first someone wasn’t sure how – or even if – they should tell the other someone… ah, fuck it.” She sat up straight again.

“I know something about the boss of your boyfriend and that might also apply to your guy – do you want to know it? Because it’s serious shit and I don’t want to ruin anything between you but on the other hand, I can’t just NOT say anything because it’s really, really serious… does that make sense?”

Rose’s eyes widened.

She knew Jazz knew Mr. Oh and it never occurred to her to ask Jazz about Ryosuke’s profession. She didn’t need to hesitate to answer, if Ryosuke was putting himself in danger for work. She wanted to know, and it didn’t look like he would tell her.

“Tell me.”

Her voice came out certain, her eyes fixed on Jazz’s showing her that this was her decision.

After another deep breath Jazz looked directly at Rose.

“As you know Mr. Oh was my first client. And that the whole thing went boom. What I never told you – or anyone else – is the reason why we decided to cancel the whole thing. I told Miho that Mr. Oh wasn’t the kind of client we want to have. And that was the truth. Because we can’t match up our clients with criminals.”

She watched Rose carefully.

“Rose, Mr. Oh is a mafia boss.”

It was like someone had pressed pause in a film, there was no noise, no movement. Like the whole world had stopped. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t think of anything. The shock didn’t even register on her face, she was just blank.

If Mr. Oh was a mafia boss and he was Ryosuke’s actual boss…then that meant he was part of the mafia too.

The silence in the room was tense and dark. Even with Jazz fidgeting in her seat, something that would usually grab someone’s attention, didn’t make Rose move.

She was looking at Jazz but she was staring right through her, into a black abyss that now seemed like the whole world was being consumed by.

An image of smiling Ryosuke flashed in her mind.

How could he be in the mafia? He was too innocent and sweet for something so dangerous, dark and cruel. Surely he wasn’t right?

“I don’t wanna sound like I don’t believe you but are you sure?”

Rose asked, her voice completely lacking any enthusiasm she had only ten minute ago. She was still staring past Jazz and into the vortex that was just opened.

“I know that it sounds like a cruel joke, but it isn’t.” Jazz chuckled dryly. “Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are now. But I’m sure. You know, Baba was the one who told me – obviously he knew all along. Back then, in Soryu’s place… I found a gun. And I thought he was just a simple criminal. But Baba accidently told me the truth…”

She wanted to go over and hug Rose but she knew that Miho’s intern wasn’t too keen on physical contact. At least not with girls.

“Later Mr. Oh confirmed this himself. And I was afraid to get killed for cancelling the contract for months.”

Rose finally looked down into her lap.

She looked at her hands that felt so safe in his and couldn’t help but feel like that was maybe a lie. She thought he was exactly the same as when they were kids but Ryosuke as a child would never have become part of the mafia. He hated violence.

But his parents were still alive then. They would have steered him down the right path and he would have never met Mr. Oh.

Maybe that was why he joined Mr. Oh, he was on a quest for vengeance for his parent’s horrific murders.

She tried to justify it in her head but it just didn’t feel right.

Rose knew Jazz wouldn’t make such a tasteless joke, especially at the expense of Rose’s happiness and her relationship.

She couldn’t help but be confused.

Her head and heart hurt more than she cared to admit.

She looked up again and directly at Jazz and forced the most genuine smile she could.

“Thank you for telling me. It must have been hard for you to keep that in for so long and I’m glad that Mr. Oh cooperated in the cancellation of the contract.”

Jazz’s heart broke. The moment she saw Rose’s smile she hurried around the desk and hugged her as tightly as she could.

“I’m so sorry, Rose. I just couldn’t let you walk blindly into this kind of trouble. If there is anything I can do… if you need someone to talk about this, I’m here. I tried not to talk about it, I was so afraid to drag someone else into this, but you are in neck-deep now. Whatever you decide to do next, I’m here for you, okay?”

Rose sniffed, she wasn’t sure if she was crying or not. It wasn’t often she did but Jazz’s comforting felt nice and all her emotions seemed to seep out of her. It wasn’t often she got this kind of affection from people and it was incredibly soothing even though it made her sob.

“Thank you,” Rose said allowing her arms to reciprocate Jazz’s embrace. “and I’m sorry.”

Rose sobbed, she wasn’t sure why she was apologising. Other than maybe she was ruining Jazz’s dress with her tears.

“What, what should I do?”

Rose asked once she calmed down a little bit.

She loved Ryosuke, so much. Even if they weren’t dating, he was still an important person to her but could she just bypass the corrupt and morally questionable way a mafia group works?

She didn’t think so could.

But what were her options left?

Leave him?

Her first relationship with the only person she’d ever felt anything more than lust with over before it had even begun?

Unintentionally at that thought, she gripped onto the back of Jazz’s dress.

“Shhh, everything will be alright…”

It was more than empty words, Jazz would do everything she could to help Rose and Inui.

“You should talk to him, but don’t be too forceful. Don’t blame him, okay? If – god, I never thought I’d say something like that – but if he wants to get out of the whole mafia thing, I bet we can arrange something. Just think about it, we know a lot of people. If he wants out we can ask some people to pull some strings – I have no idea what I’m talking about, but we can get him out somehow.”

Baba was her biggest hope at this point, but what if Inui didn’t want to stop? What would become of Rose?

Rose had to chuckle at Jazz, she was sometimes like the mother of the group.

“Thank you,” She pulled back from Jazz, “Seriously, thank you.”

She knew Jazz was right, she couldn’t just walk away from Ryosuke without an explanation. Hell, she didn’t want to walk away from him at all. But this was a horrible decision to make even without all the facts, so with all the facts it was going to be damn near impossible.

“I’ll talk to him tonight. I will warn you now, that I may call you drunk if it goes badly.”

Rose’s joking default mechanism kicked in and she brushed off the fact she was just crying and the worst possible revelation was made to her.

Jazz chuckled briefly. “Hey, my husband has a bar, come to me if you want to get drunk.”

She only noticed what she had just said when the words had left her mouth. Fortunately Rose was too distracted to ask about the ‘husband’ part.

“But really, if there is anything I can help you with, even if it’s just a huge bottle of whiskey, tell me, okay?”

She really hoped that Rose would be happy in the end.

After her chat with Jazz, Rose returned to her studio not waiting for Miho to come back from her day trip with the Goto’s. After all, she wasn’t sure if she was good enough of an actress to hide the pain she was feeling with faked enthusiasm.

Her brain was more or less fried. She’d thought about this issue non-stop all day as she waited for Ryosuke to stop by that evening.

He should be here at some point soon that’s how long she’d been consumed by her thoughts.

Rose sighed as she stood up and went to the mirror in her bathroom.

They were only stood there earlier that morning, brushing their teeth together. Ryosuke’s head was two heads above hers. And they looked like a funny looking version of the American Gothic but instead of pitchforks, they had toothbrushes.

Her heart stung as she rubbed the bags under her eyes. That were thanks to all the crying she had done today and the fact her and Ryo had laid awake till early hours in the morning talking about nothing in particular.

She couldn’t think about those memories anymore without feeling some sort of hurt.

It was like everything was a massive lie.

Was he really still innocent and sweet or was that a persona he just put on in front of her?

Did he even love her?

All these doubts were scaring her more than the prospect of Ryosuke being part of the mafia. She took a deep breath and tried to filter out the negative thoughts. She needed to remain neutral while she let him explain himself.

If she didn’t have an open mind, then how was she supposed to make a clear decision?

The doorbell rang and Rose’s feet felt incredibly heavy.

But she knew she had to face this head on instead of allowing her emotions to rule her. She’d not let them before so she wouldn’t now.

She didn’t buzz the intercom, instead she buzzed to unlock the main entrance door.

Part of her was glad that she told Ryosuke to enter at his leisure, she’d leave the door unlocked for him when she knew he was here. She didn’t want to have to answer the door and face the awkwardness she was feeling.

“Akane!”

She heard him coo as the door opened and closed. She fell onto the futon behind her and pulled a cushion into her lap and hugged it.

All her insides felt tight and the bile that was gurgling in her stomach felt like it was going to erupt out of her throat any second.

She swallowed it down when he appeared in her peripheral vision but she didn’t turn to greet him afraid that so much as looking at him will make the tears fall.

“Hey.”

She said, trying to sound as normal and pleased to see him as she could.

Well, she was pleased to see him. Even with all these twisted emotions, seeing him still filled her with the same amount of glee and happiness.

She didn’t want to lose that.

She didn’t want to lose him.

Ryosuke, clueless and adorably naïve was very aware that Rose was not okay. A lot like puppy noticing its master’s mood.

He hurriedly made his way towards her and crouched till he was eye level in front of her. Rose had to bite back the sob that wanted to escape her when his concerned face was directly in front of hers.

“Akane, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did something bad happen at work?”

He fumbled to ask every question that was running through his head and Rose lightly touched his hand that rested next to her on the futon.

It was her way of saying ‘gimme a minute’.

She needed to gather up her courage to possibly ruin their relationship and even their friendship. In her time thinking about it after she left Jazz’s office, she thought possibly if the MJS ladies or her parents were kept as far out of it as possible, she might be able to handle it.

But if there was even a miniscule chance of them ending up in some mess because of a mafia deal gone wrong, she would never forgive herself or Ryosuke.

She breathed in through her nose.

“I know you don’t work for Tres Spades security,” She breathed out, her eyes as tightly squeezed shut as the grasp on his hand. “you and Mr. Oh are part of some mafia group.”

Rose relaxed her hand after she finished but Ryosuke changed his grip so he could hold hers tightly as if she was going to let go forever.

The silence that followed was deafening and the fact he didn’t deny it made Rose’s heart clench. Of course Jazz wouldn’t lie, but she was hoping that maybe she was wrong.

“Akane, I, I.”

He started but Rose shook her head.

“I don’t want you to apologise. I want to know why, for a kid that didn’t approve of violence, especially considering what happened to your parents, would join into something that promoted all of the evil things wrong with the world?”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him and he stared at her. His eyes showing just how scared he was feeling now he’d been found out.

The promise to protect him she made as a kid seemed completely null and void. How could she protect him from all the villains of the world when he was one of them?

“It’s not like that!”

He exclaimed and it broke Rose’s heart to know that he was defending the things that the mafia do. So this wasn’t a simple case of helping him out of something he didn’t want to be a part of.

He wanted to be part of it.

“The Ice Dragons are here to protect people in Japan, Mr. Oh’s grandfather put in a strict philosophy which he still follows even though he is dead,” This time he tried to encourage Rose to look at him but she was stubborn and avoided his gaze. “Please, Akane, I know I lied and I know what I do is dangerous but we are the good guys.”

Rose scoffed.

“Is Mr. Oh Robin Hood and you’re his merry men? Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor?”

She was trying her best not to be angry and to listen to him and hear him out before she made a judgement but how can ANY mafia group be the ‘good guys’? It was a total contradiction on what the word ‘mafia’ meant.

Mafia – An organized body of criminals that have a ruthless, complex behavioural code.

She sighed, she recounted Jazz’s advice in her head ‘Don’t judge him.’

“I’m sorry.”

Rose apologised and looked at him.

“No, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I couldn’t, I didn’t want you to look at me the way that you’re looking at me now and I didn’t want you to become involved,” He seemed to whimper as he spoke but he continued through his emotions. “It was inevitable really though wasn’t it? Hah, I really am an idiot. I could never hide anything from you as kid, why would it be different now?”

He laughed self-deprecatingly as he rubbed his eyes with his free hand.

It was strange, Rose should be scared. She should be worried that now she knew, her life could be in danger and the hand on hers could be the danger.

But she wasn’t scared.

She knew Ryosuke saw the good in everything, especially people. And she trusted that he believed that Mr. Oh was a good man even if his judgement was clouded because he rescued him as a child.

“Can, can I…” Ryosuke started and looked at Rose intently to gage her reaction. “hold you?”

It was like he was asking for his final wish.

She nodded and he took her into his arms. No hesitation or embarrassment in doing so. Which was a side she’d yet to see from him.

If this was any other time, she would have been so happy but now she was conflicted. Everything felt exactly the same, she still felt the bouts of happiness flutter inside her when he touched her, yet somehow she still felt calm.

He felt like home.

Perhaps due to her emotions exhausting her, going from one extreme to another. It wasn’t long until she fell asleep in his arms. Much like they had the previous night.

When she woke to the first rays of day break shining through her unclosed window, she groaned. Her head hurt and her face felt sore.

Her body simply reminding her that what happened wasn’t some horrific dream her brain had concocted to sabotage her sanity.

She felt around behind her, searching for the limbs that were holding her before she slept. But she felt nothing. And she bolted up – the sudden movement doing little to help her headache but pushed through the pain to look around.

She felt the side of the futon Ryosuke was on when she fell asleep, only to notice that the sheets were cold. She began to panic, rushing about on still half asleep limbs to find the missing puppy.

He wasn’t anywhere in her studio.

His toothbrush in her bathroom was gone.

There was no note.

She rang his phone and no answer.

He’d taken it upon himself to get out of Rose’s life so she didn’t have to make that decision. She fell onto her knees in defeat. After all those years without him, to have finally found him and to connect on an even deeper level than when they were kids only for him to disappear again.

That wasn’t his decision to make.

Somewhere anger bubbled inside her. She was furious that he was being such a coward, that he’d run away rather than attempting to work through this. Running on that emotion, she got herself up and dressed in the shortest amount of time ever and stomped out of her studio.

She had no idea where he lived.

She had no idea where the ‘Ice Dragons’ hung out.

But she knew he went to Tres Spades a lot.

So that is where she would start.

Entering Tres Spades was something Rose never wanted to do. The luxurious lobby looked so…luxurious. It was pristine, everything gleamed and the smell of fresh flowers from a large bouquet by the front desk made her head throb.

It screamed pompous, rich assholes to her. And she was right. Every guest was dressed impeccably. Men in business suits, women in fancy day attire that one item of probably cost more than Rose’s whole outfit put together.

Everyone looked at the scruffy jeans and plaid shirt over a vest top and snubbed their noses up at her. She was used to it, but it looked like none of them were willing to help her.

She looked around again, hoping that she’d see that familiar copper coloured hair.

She didn’t.

But she did see a familiar fedora and maroon blazer.

She practically jogged over to the man she knew as Baba. She only met him the once at Kuni’s bar when she her and H had the lap dance battle. But he wasn’t someone she could easily forget. His flamboyant personality and strange dress attire made sure of that.

Rose remembered what Jazz had said.

He knew Mr. Oh.

When she was close enough to him she called out his name and he turned to her.

“Such a pretty lady calling out to me, it must be my lucky day,” Baba cooed as tipped his fedora at Rose in recognition. “I’m surprised to see you here, what can I do for you?”

He looked Rose up and down, reminiscing of their first encounter.

“Where is Mr. Oh?”

She demanded. She had no time to be polite and exchange small pleasantries.

“You want, Sor? I’m a little offended you’re not here to see me.”

He pouted and Rose snarled at him.

“I’m not messing around Baba, tell me where he is?”

Baba stared at Rose, he could see the fire burning behind her eyes and he knew not to mess with a woman scorned.

“He’s up in the penthouse with boss.”

Rose spun on her heel, searching for an elevator.

“Ah, wait Princess. You need a key to get up there.”

Rose spun back around.

“Then give me yours.”

She growled and walked straight up to him. If he knew what was good for him, he’d hand it over to her right this second.

“I can’t do that, but I can escort you up there.”

He said, offering an arm to Rose which she not so politely declined but agreed to him coming along. After all, Jazz had said that Baba could help if Ryo needed it, so he’d be handy to have up there if something went awry.

The elevator dinged their arrival.

She’d not paid any attention to whatever Baba was yammering on about or the fact she was in a completely glass elevator that travelled at least fifty stories.

She was focused on what she would say to Ryosuke if he was there or Mr. Oh if he wasn’t.

It wasn’t like she could just kick his ass, she’d sign her own death certificate if she did that. But if he cared about his employee’s happiness he’d answer her questions.

Baba lead the way as they walked out the elevator.

She breathed in.

What she was doing was stupid.

INCREDIBLY stupid.

And Jazz would probably make a point to lecture her when she found out, providing she makes it out of this alive. But that didn’t matter. Ryosuke mattered to her more than that.

That gave her her answer on what the outcome of hers and Ryosuke’s relationship would be.

“Baba what have I told you about bringing women to the penthouse.”

A man growled as soon they stepped through the doors of the biggest ‘lounge’ area she’d ever seen in her life.

What the hell did they need all that space for?

Rose had to guess that was Mr Ichinomiya, he looked like the man she’d seen in pictures of the event her parents held at the hotel. He didn’t look as friendly as he did in the photos though. Probably some fake persona he puts on for the media.

She looked around the room and didn’t see the man she was looking for but she did see the man who know where to find him.

He didn’t bother to look up but she watched him rolls his eyes when Mr Ichinomiya mentioned the word ‘women’.

“Unfortunately, this pretty lady isn’t here for me-“

“Mr. Oh.”

Rose said, pushing past Baba and not bothering to introduce herself to Mr Ichinomiya, it’s not like she wanted to be acquainted with him anyway.

Mr. Oh’s brow furrowed before he looked up.

“Miss Hiroka?”

He questioned, the surprise on his face a little evident.

“Who is this woman, Soryu and why is she in my penthouse uninvited?”

Rose stared at Mr. Oh, her eyes dead set on making sure he knew that she was on the verge of a murderous rampage and that Mr Ichinomiya would be her first victim if he kept acting as if her presence was unworthy of being in the same room as him.

When Mr. Oh only stared back she glared over her shoulder in the direction of the CEO.

“My name Akane Hiroka and I wasn’t uninvited, I told Baba I needed to see Mr. Oh, and he brought me up here.”

“Ahh, you didn’t leave me much choice princess! I heard what you did to Ota, I didn’t want you to do it to me in the middle of the lobby.”

Shit, Rose had forgotten about Kisaki. He would surpass Mr Ichinomiya on the victim list in her rampage.

Although, it appeared he wasn’t around right now.

Lucky him.

“Enough,” Mr Ichnomiya growled. “So the daughter of Hiroka-Haute-Couture assaulted on of my guests?”

He stared at her, as if he was threatening her with a lawsuit.

“Mr. Oh will tell you he was harassing me, so would a co-worker. I was within my rights to stop him from touching me without invitation. It’s not my fault he’s a weak child.”

Rose sneered. Annoyed that she was actually having this conversation.

He looked to Mr. Oh who nodded his head in King Asshole’s direction.

And now that conversation was done, she didn’t have time for this bullshit anymore.

“Where is Ryosuke?”

Mr. Oh crossed his leg over the other and leaned back in his chair.

“You’re his girlfriend, shouldn’t you know?”

Mr. Oh answered, leaning back in his chair. Rose clenched her fists so tightly that her knuckles cracked and she saw Baba move out of the corner of her eye.

“You’re the puppies girlfriend? So he does have eyes for someone other than Sor.”

Baba joked and Rose sent a glare in his direction over her shoulder and he put his hands up in defence of his poor joke.

“Ota lost that bet. He owes me 500000 yen.”

Mr Ichinomiya said still reading over whatever was in his lap.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Rose mumbled unsure of whether anyone heard her but she needed to let out the frustration mounting inside her. Her nails digging into her palm wasn’t sufficient enough. She wanted to defend Ryosuke, to kick each one in the face and force Mr. Oh to take her to him but she knew she was in over her head.

Time for a different approach.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find her Zen. Then she opened them and stared straight at Mr. Oh.

“This philosophy of your grandfathers, what is it?”

There was a palpable tension in the air and the mafia boss gave nothing away, although his right eye twitched slightly.

This told Rose more than anything else could. She ruffled him, at least a little.

But he was quick as he stood up, Rose was closer to him than she realised and his presence as he loomed over her was nearly terrifying.

“Come with me.”

#mjs services #mjs #mjs matchmaking #mjs matchmaking and wedding planning agency #mjs matchmaking service #mjs matchmaking services #mjs matchmaking and wedding services #voltage fanfic #kbtbb ryosuke #kbtbb inui #kbtbb fanfic #Ryosuke Inui

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ads-is-shady-blog · 5 years

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#3) [Otome Games/BTS] Indie devs enrage fans of their crowdfunded games with a censorship controversy, years of broken promises and delays, & legal troubles on a BTS fan game

View the discussion on reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/comments/abjkzf/otome_gamesbts_indie_devs_enrage_fans_of_their/

Post (words belong to original poster linked):

Tl;dr at the bottom since this spans several years and numerous layers of drama and is therefore very long.

Some useful info:

Otome games: a niche genre aimed at a female audience, typically visual novels with a female player character and romanceable male characters. Originated in Japan.

Visual novel (VN): a game where the story and dialogue is (mostly) conveyed in text, accompanied by relatively simple visuals and audio, and with choices that change the direction of the story. Also originated in Japan. VNs made in English are sometimes distinguished with the moniker OELVN (Original English Language Visual Novel).

Route: a specific path or branch of a visual novel, often one involving a romance with a particular character.

Pay-per-route: a payment model mainly found in mobile otome games where a game's prologue/common route is free and each character's route is bought separately as DLC. There may also be separate epilogues, sequels and other DLC.

BTS: a massively popular 7-member Kpop boy idol group.

ARMY/ARMYs: the official name of BTS's fanbase/fans.

BigHit Entertainment: BTS's agency.

This drama concerns one small indie dev company, Aeon Dream Studios (ADS), formerly known as Star Maiden Games, and three of their games:

Mystic Destinies: Serendipity of Aeons (MDSOA): their first game for PC & mobile, an urban fantasy OELVN otome game;

Mystic Destinies: Echoes (Echoes): a promised sequel where the romanceable characters are the male antagonists of the first game;

To the Edge of the Sky (TTEOTS): originally a nonromantic BTS fan game for PC & mobile where the members of BTS are reimagined as operatives in a cyberpunk future. There was no in-game mention of the members' names or of BTS itself, but characters were visibly recognisable as BTS members and the group's name was frequently used in descriptions & promotions by the devs. Though originally free, the game was later monetised.

I'll break things down by year for easier reading. I only became aware of the drama this summer and most of this post is the product of my amateur internet sleuthing in the last month, so I apologise if I have made any mistakes.

2015

Star Maiden Games formed and began developing MDSOA in 2015. Like many indie otome game developers, in September 2015 they turned to Kickstarter for funding with a $2,000 goal. Five days later they'd met the target, and when the campaign closed they had $3,555 pledged in total and several stretch goals met. Looking back now, they were a little overoptimistic in promises for sequels and episodic content which were never added. The $3,500 stretch goal of customisable MC skin colour was also never implemented, though this was supposedly because one backer cancelled their pledge.

2016

MDSOA was soon Greenlit and released on Steam in February 2016 with a free prologue and a single route as paid DLC; four more routes and five corresponding epilogues were to be added as DLC as they were completed. Though the majority of initial reviews were positive (see chart), several Steam users left negative reviews, many criticising the pay-per-route model that had given multiple players the false impression that the entire game was free. One reviewer made a deeply critical playthrough of the prologue on Youtube, branding the game 'Serendipishit', and was soon notified it had been taken down by a copyright strike from the developers. His video about the strike gained significant attention on Reddit and a backlash began to form against the developers' perceived attempt to censor criticism.

A day later, the reviewer posted a follow-up video asking viewers to stop harassing the devs. Having personally spoken with them, he now stated the developers were revoking the strike and everything was good. The exact same thing also happened to another Youtuber at roughly the same time (initial video, video about the strike, update. Judging by a comment on the latter video, the Youtuber believed after speaking to the devs that the copyright strikes were deliberate manual strikes aimed at negative reviews.)

In both cases the follow-ups attracted a fraction of the attention that the videos about the strikes got and the controversy took a while to die down. Outside of Steam the developers made only the vaguest allusions to these events. The devs' most detailed comment on the issue, along with a defence of their payment model, was in response to a Steam review, where they claimed they had not specifically targeted negative reviews, only videos that did not have their direct permission to be posted.

Despite the censorship furore, otome game fans who tried MDSOA were largely pleased with the game and a small but passionate fanbase formed. The developers had a small number of Patreon supporters; bonuses included a short story set before MDSOA, which was also sold for $1+ on Gumroad. The second route came out in May 2016, and that month Star Maiden Games changed their name to Aeon Dream Studios, only citing "varied" reasons for the change.

At some point during the year, the two creative heads of the studio became fans of Korean idol group BTS due to relating to the lyrics of Dope, a motivational anthem about the group's tireless work and commitment to attaining success while refusing to bow to criticism. According to later statements by the CEO/Creative Director of ADS, the devs were enduring significant poverty and exhaustion while working on MDSOA during this time.

That September the third route released and ADS launched another Kickstarter campaign to help fund the final 2 routes and a deluxe edition DLC, all of which were slated to be out by December. Fans spread the word and within 4 days they reached the funding goal of $7,500. The devs then rebranded much of the page to reflect their stretch goal, a sequel called Mystic Destinies: Echoes, initially promised for March 2017. Though the stretch goal was not reached, the funding surplus (roughly $5,500) was put towards Echoes with another Kickstarter planned later to finish funding. The fourth MDSOA route was briefly delayed but came out at the end of November. The fifth route and the DLC did not end up arriving in December as promised, but as some delays are par for the course with Kickstarter, nobody was too perturbed. However, whispers of unrest began as ADS started making references to a BTS fan project.

2017

The developers finished funding Echoes through their third Kickstarter in January 2017. This slightly surpassed its $7,200 goal with a closing total in February of $8,033, and they also opened preorders for the game on itch.io (since closed). They now aimed to first finish MDSOA and its Kickstarter reward fulfilment and then release Echoes in "late Spring 2017", or at least no later than Summer 2017. The studio at the time consisted of only 3 employees, with some work contracted out to others.

Obviously, things didn't quite pan out.

Despite the amount of work still to be done on the Mystic Destinies games, in March 2017 they also released a demo for their BTS fan game, TTEOTS, and in May were soliciting funds through Gofundme for further development. (This closed in September 2017 at $1000 raised.) They dreamed of receiving an official endorsement from BigHit and not only emailed and tweeted at BigHit (with no response) but encouraged fans to do so as well, mobilising under the Twitter hashtag #ARMYWantsBTSGames. Though they never received any response, they decided to go ahead with the game anyway. Meanwhile, due to the pushbacks, lack of updates, and emergence of the BTS project, Mystic Destinies fans began to criticise the studio more openly (sample comments: one, two, three).

One focus of criticism was the devs' poor communication. Statements and news were scattered across multiple platforms or buried in Kickstarter comments, leading to confusion and rumours flying among the discontented community. When pressed for answers about whether the delays were TTEOTS-related, the developers insisted they were only working on one game at a time. Meanwhile, the final route of MDSOA hit further delays and due to the devs' communication issues many fans only found out it had been split into two parts when the first book finally released in June. The second followed in July, while the deluxe edition DLC was now slated for "Summer 2017". Continuous delays followed, but the developers posted semi-regular updates, blaming delays on problems like Hurricane Irma and their main artist leaving. In October the DLC was still not out and the devs stated Echoes would be out in November - but at the same time they were running more crowdfunding campaigns for TTEOTS.

As a BTS fan game, the developers tapped into a large and dedicated worldwide fanbase, so it wasn't a surprise that the two TTEOTS funding campaigns launched in October across Kickstarter and Fundrazr netted over $36,000 in total. From here on Fundrazr was the devs' crowdfunding platform of choice, using its "Keep it all" option where backers' money is sent immediately and campaigns can run forever. By November 2017 TTEOTS's first part had been launched to the public and they created a petition for BigHit to officially recognise the game (9000 signatures and 2k+ comments as of this post), but there were no updates on Echoes or MDSOA's deluxe edition DLC until the end of the month, when both were again delayed until December. Still, as the releases had only been delayed by a month or two each time, it seemed like both games must be near to completion.

Just two weeks later, ADS pushed back Echoes' release date indefinitely, offering a vague promise of 2018, and stated Echoes would now have less content than originally promised - 10 hours' gameplay instead of 15-25. They claimed they would offer refunds to anyone who wanted one but backers were understandably confused and upset, leaving comments expressing their frustration. As 2017 ended, fans were growing deeply concerned.

January - July 2018

After announcing another delay for the MDSOA DLC and receiving a few exasperated responses, the devs posted a backer-exclusive update threatening to forcibly issue refunds to backers whose behaviour they found dissatisfactory and blaming negative comments as the reason for their silences. I was not a backer so don't have a screenshot, but here's part of the text:

We would like to issue a reminder to everyone interacting with us in the community that comments should remain respectful and polite. [...] we ask that the community please keep a positive, welcoming environment instead of the toxic one it's veering into for us - which also makes us reluctant to speak openly about our progress and engage with the community more often. If you feel you cannot do this, or are engaging in abusive language, we do reserve the right to refuse service - this can result processing a refund for your backer number. [...] Part of supporting a project is more than just the financial aspect, but being an encouraging, welcoming presence for the team to come back to and feel comfortable with discussing the development with you in our regular updates. (emphasis added)

Many read this as a threat to stop airing any criticism whatsoever. In the Steam forums, backers dissected the devs' statements and wondered about the legality of TTEOTS, with one user predicting legal trouble was inevitable. (sample comments: one, two, three)

In February, ADS launched another Twitter campaign to promote TTEOTS using the hashtag #BTSxTTEOTS and the account @Trend_TTEOTS. They also hired a new writer, a BTS and TTEOTS fan who had helped promote the game by handing out promo cards at BTS concerts before she was hired. She was set to work on Echoes along with another employee while the most experienced employees, including the CEO, continued work on TTEOTS.

February also brought the release of the deluxe edition DLC for MDSOA, which meant the game was at last considered complete over a year later than promised. Some backers were incredibly frustrated by this point as those who had paid for the full deluxe edition of the game on Kickstarter did not receive any part of the game until the deluxe edition DLC was finished. As the promised release date had been December 2016 at the time of the Kickstarter, backers had certainly not expected such a long and uncertain wait to receive the full game. Some backers had been so dedicated to the game that they had bought the DLC as it came out on Steam on top of backing one or more of the Kickstarters.

As for Echoes, there was little mention of it throughout the first half of 2018, but the devs continued to post regularly about TTEOTS, released the first volume of a TTEOTS graphic novel on ComiXology, and launched additional crowdfunding campaigns on Fundrazr, including:

a project to send gifts to BTS in hopes of receiving official recognition for TTEOTS ($645);

a full length TTEOTS novel (which is still open and currently stands at over $3.5k);

a second campaign to fund TTEOTS development ($4,123);

a campaign to revamp TTEOTS's art ($4,516).

As 2018 rolled on, Echoes backers became angrier at the continued lack of updates and perceived favouritism towards TTEOTS. Those following the devs' social media in hopes of receiving Echoes news were infuriated by the constant stream of TTEOTS-related posts; even the Echoes Kickstarter received an update which featured several lines about TTEOTS and only a cursory mention of Echoes at the end. Despite their claims that half the studio was working on Echoes, their silence about the progress of the game continued and was not well received.

Comments in the Steam forums and elsewhere had by now become much more accusatory. Some backers speculated that the money they'd paid for Echoes had been funneled into TTEOTS instead; some suggested the devs were just opportunists cashing in on BTS's popularity by milking eager fans for money. Since January, numerous Echoes backers had reported difficulty getting the promised refunds (example), often due to unanswered emails and messages, or failed to get any response when asking about backer rewards they were still owed (example).

TTEOTS Premium also launched in late May, swiftly climbing to the #10 Paid Casual app on the Google Play store. Premium included extra content, including exclusive art and the beginnings of romantic content with the characters. For $9.99 Premium players were promised an all-access season pass to all future content up to the game's completion date in December 2018.

With a large fanbase and multiple revenue streams, TTEOTS seemed to be thriving despite the escalating discontent from Mystic Destinies fans.

August - December 2018

Then, in early August, the devs dropped a bombshell: they had been served a cease & desist by BTS's agency, BigHit Entertainment, along with a demand for financial records regarding TTEOTS.

Though TTEOTS was originally a free fan game, BTS's agency may have finally felt a legal line was crossed with the addition of its premium version - presumably they had been aware of the game for some time due to the volume of ADS and ARMY's attempts at contact. Irate Echoes backers experienced a certain schadenfreude at this announcement, with some perceiving it to be the studio's comeuppance. Many had given up on ever getting Echoes and some actively hoped ADS would be sued into bankruptcy.

After the C&D the devs hired legal advice and launched Operation Phoenix, an effort to edit the game's art so characters could not be recognised as BTS, as well as redact all mention of BTS elsewhere to avoid legal repercussions. Some art was updated, but other characters' faces were hidden with masks while new art was being worked on. As many TTEOTS players were ARMYs, some complained about the change or stopped playing entirely, but if anything much of the game's fanbase was bolstered by the crisis. ARMYs sometimes have a contentious relationship with BTS's agency and some felt that BigHit's approach to TTEOTS was not only unfair but set a worrying precedent for other BTS fan works. (At least one fan took to calling the agency 'BigShit'.)

The developers posted two passive aggressive tweets bidding goodbye to those who had abandoned the game due to the C&D and Operation Phoenix and thanking those who stayed.

Not long after, they suddenly began posting developer interviews to promote Echoes' "imminent release" in September 2018, and appeared in the MDSOA Steam forums to lock a discussion thread with over 200 posts which backers had been using for more than a year to discuss and speculate on the Kickstarter problems and, later, the legal situation with TTEOTS. The devs posted a warning against libel and slander and instructed anyone with concerns to email them directly and wait 72 hours for a response instead of posting on the forums. Some commenters felt this was simply an attempt to threaten them into shutting up and hide criticism from the public eye, prompting dozens of outraged comments in response. Several people pointed out they had tried emailing questions or refund requests in the past and never received a reply.

After that, things eventually quieted down for a time. A number of official statements followed on ADS's website between August and October. Echoes was again delayed past September, but many backers had given up caring anyway. The CEO/Creative Director lamented the negativity of Echoes backers, admitted they had made mistakes and stated they would have been homeless if they hadn't started working on TTEOTS. These statements again riled up the posters in the Steam forums for both MDSOA and Echoes, and there were several critical responses to these statements on Kickstarter, but also several supportive responses too. In October they stated Echoes is 80% finished and offered a vague release date of "before the end of the year [2018]".

Come December this began to look increasingly unlikely, and on top of that TTEOTS fans began to grow concerned about the schedule slip and silence regarding Chapter 4 of TTEOTS which was originally scheduled for September, then November, and is still unreleased as of this post (tweet compilations: one, two). While December 2018 had originally been slated as the completion date for TTEOTS, the devs had since announced they planned to continue the game indefinitely in seasons. Echoes backers clearly felt that history was repeating itself for a different group of fans. However, TTEOTS fans appear to mostly still believe in the developers, and some have tweeted defending the devs and urging people not to pressure them for updates.

After a long silence, the CEO of ADS posted a personal blog in mid-December stating that she had struggled to focus on her work ever since a BTS member sustained a minor injury in October that affected his mental state (for reference, "MAMA 2018" refers to Mnet Asian Music Awards, which mainly features Kpop artists, and where BTS won several major awards this year). The post expounded on her many worries about the mental and physical health of BTS members and the effect they had had on her life.

Finally, there was a year-end update on the 24th, pushing back Echoes once again to 2019 and placing blame for the delays on the staff she selected to work on it. Echoes backers were incredulous. Most expressed sympathy for these employees, their consensus being that the CEO had essentially dumped her mess on people with less experience, not given them sufficient help and supervision, and thrown them under the bus to avoid taking responsibility herself. No date was given for future TTEOTS content and she described wanting to "focus less on ADS and more on other solo projects" in 2019.

It is currently unknown if any further legal action will be taken by BigHit, but the development of the amended version of TTEOTS will supposedly continue and the devs' website still contains a link in the navbar to their petition for BTS to officially recognise the game.

Further reading:

Threads on /r/otomegames from backers: one, two

ADS's CEO's thoughts on the creator-fan relationship

Tl;dr (even the tl;dr is long, sorry)

Mystic Destinies

Indie dev studio releases niche game in installments using 3 Kickstarters to fund the 5 routes, a DLC and a sequel. Total funding for all: $24k+, plus preorders, Patreon, & Paypal donations

Developers use copyright strikes to take down two negative Youtube videos about the game, generating a censorship backlash, but revoke the strikes soon after

Continual delays & increasingly long silences about progress. The final DLC was over a year late, the sequel is not out yet (approaching 2 years late) & will be shorter than promised

Backers report extreme difficulty getting refunds, ignored emails & not receiving certain Kickstarter rewards. Irate backers feel valid criticism is being stifled by devs and devs are playing victim

To The Edge of the Sky

During the Mystic Destinies delays, devs began pouring efforts into a free BTS fan game and running numerous social media and crowdfunding campaigns. Funding: $40k+ for the game, $3.5k+ for a novel, $600+ for a gift project, plus Patreon & Paypal donations, revenues from a graphic novel and...

...a premium version of the game is launched in May 2018 with a $9.99 season pass or smaller microtransactions

In August 2018 devs announce they received a cease and desist from BTS's agency and have to hire lawyers, remove all reference to BTS and send financial records to the agency. Angry ex-fans are delighted, some BTS fans abandon the game, others staunchly support the devs.

As of December 2018, development on the formerly BTS-based game has hit delays and long silences but TTEOTS fans remain mostly supportive, the long-delayed MD sequel is delayed again to 2019 with delays blamed on inexperienced employees, Mystic Destinies backers look on with exhaustion and hopelessness.

#aeon dream studios #ads is shady #adsisshady #mystic destinies #tteots

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andrewuttaro · 5 years

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New Look Sabres: GM 76 - OTT - Not Happy

Do the Buffalo Sabres hate me? Monday night I’m here bearing my heart in a post following a loss defending this club like I believed they weren’t as bad as their results may be showing right now. Then that club goes and lays this egg. The worst team in the league, by standings and draft odds at least, just whopped the Buffalo Sabres 4-0. If it weren’t for all the comments from ownership then I don’t think I would be able to write a full post for you today. This crap… I couldn’t get through the highlights… this crap is unacceptable. But that’s the thing here isn’t it? How many nights have we said this is unacceptable? Barring the tank and Eichel’s rookie season there have been three straight seasons of total underachievement. We call it unacceptable, they call it unacceptable; it was all so unacceptable we chased Ryan O’Reilly out of town over it as if that would help! Three years of this unacceptability! We’ve gotten every kind of disappointment in that time. We got the season that started hopeful and ultimately didn’t move the team forward resulting in a player revolt and a coach’s firing. We got a season that was flaming trash from the start that only had the redeemable factor of winning a Draft lottery after it. Now we have the bait season in which we were all convinced this awful pattern had changed before we got yet another historic collapse! The Sabres can’t be bad next year purely because there can’t be any reruns! What is it going to take? Some of us think Terry and Kim don’t want to fire Housley because they don’t want to be paying another guy not to coach. CAN YOU BLAME THEM? Last offseason we accepted we need better players and it would seem, purely from a talent-on-the-roster perspective, that this season involves a better team. DOES IT? Is another coaching change going to help? It didn’t last time. I suppose you can get two bad ones in a row but dear lord, what is it?

Obviously we’re not doing a game recap today. The only thing from the game I want to revisit is that Anthony Duclair apparently plays for the Ottawa Senators now. I have a soft spot for that player from his New York Rangers days way back when. I hope you’re keeping your head up on that last place team, Anthony. That last place team that can beat the Sabres! Oh my God, what is it with this team!? They’re so bad that they make you question if the good things you see time to time are real or not. They’re so bad that season ticket holders who survived the 1980s Sabres are considering cancelling their tickets. They’re so bad that they got the Pegulas to speak again! I think I speak for every smart hockey fan when I say two things: general rule of thumb in this league is that its usually a bad thing if the owner is talking. The other thing is generally its better if they don’t interfere with the Front Office decision-making. The Pegulas are no Eugene Melnyk so I’m not sounding a five-alarm fire every time a beat reporter tweets a quote from them. However, I really think this mess belongs to Jason Botterill to fix. He’s worth keeping and if its under him he should be given the time to fix it. Terry Pegula said according to Paul Hamilton and Matthew Bove: “The season hasn’t finished yet, but I think Bots has said it pretty well that he supports Phil. Something has to change, but we don’t know what, we have to talk about it… He’s a young coach and was a great player and he can grow as a coach.” Before I get to what Kim said let’s just take this comment in acknowledgement of Botterill’s support for Housley a couple months back is a little concerning until you realize that Pegula wasn’t persuaded to fire Dan Bylsma and Tim Murray until after exit interviews. That said, we have a heavily involved ownership whether we like it or not and that ownership seems to be wanting stable leadership from behind the bench right now. Take that how you will but it was followed by pointing to the example of the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick. I don’t know if Housley is going to grow all that much as a coach but referencing his playing days doesn’t give me more confidence on that front. Moreover, I see no way he becomes Bill Belichick (and holy crap, maybe not the team you want to bring up in Buffalo, eh?). As Terry says though: Something has to change. Oh great, who are we chasing out of town this summer!? Let’s just rename this City Edmonton East well we’re at it.

Kim Pegula has some sway in this too and she made comments as well. She said: “Terry and I are not happy…” Oh good, join the club. I agree with that so much I am going to make it the title of this New Look Sabres. “…I’ve learned in sports to have more patience then I want to have. I don’t want to knee jerk anything. It’s been a long season, but we are not happy.” There is an argument to made for knee jerk reactions in this organization hurting progress. With all due respect a knee jerk reaction would have been firing Housley in January. Firing him in April would be long overdue, Kim. Lord knows these owners want to be involved in all the front office decisions but if they are really concerned about knee jerk reactions than maybe remove yourself from the fray. I can’t imagine this happening again with how the Ted Black Saga went at the beginning of their ownership but maybe it would be smart to put a President of Hockey Operations over Jason Botterill. I hate to reference the Toronto Maple Leafs but there is no better example of how having a President with a vision can make an organization function better. Funny enough, the Leafs lost to the Sens a few weeks ago too. That said, hiring a President of the Sabres also could do jack shit and it seems more likely that would be a symbolic move. Luckily Kim also had some fun stuff to report. On a day like this its nice to follow the pain with some candy. Kim Pegula stated that the Buffalo Sabres 50th Anniversary celebration will start at the NHL Draft in Vancouver. What that means we don’t know but it stands to reason it could mean that we’re getting Sabres Legends announcing picks and… dare I say it: Royal Blue back. Many folks with inside connections have said the organization is gearing up for a return to the classic color and fully original logo. The Winter Classic Jerseys last season and the Sabres Skills Competition jerseys this season were tests of this supposedly. I think a good 50th anniversary celebration is what we need right now.

Just like Kim Pegula dropping that information yesterday it felt like interesting timing when the organization announced Casey Fitzgerald was signed to his Entry-level contract and assigned to the Rochester Americans. This was officially announced before the game but good move either way timing-wise. Fitzgerald is a good right-handed defenseman who actually plays defense in addition to being a great two-way guy. He’s been tearing it up in College Hockey and if he is just as good with the Amerks during their playoff run then he will certainly get a very serious look come Training Camp in September. The current Sabres meanwhile take on Detroit on Thursday before another weekend back-to-back. It’s hard there is still six games left. Who wants that many at this point? I do, I guess since I’m going to the last game of the season in Detroit. Yeah, when I bought those tickets I thought a playoff spot would be clinched right now. I bought them a long time ago. Nonetheless, I’m cheering for more the idea of the Sabres than the team itself right now. What that means is that I’m cheering for and against other teams based upon past Sabres grudges, former Sabres and other fan-level beefs that make this phase of the season bearable. I am really looking forward to writing the Playoffs according to the Sabres to be honest. Before I wrap it up, you can expect the March Amerks Angle to be up tomorrow or Friday. Those guys are so exciting I imagine Will Borgen is eager to get back. Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. There’s no way the lottery balls bounce in favor of the Sabres two years in a row, right? At this point our odds are only getting better unfortunately.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #nhl

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overwatchimaginations · 7 years

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Cowboys and Angels

Credit to the late George Michael for the title.

“Are you serious.” You blinked slowly, eyes looking up at the fluorescent lights. You had once again been thrown to the ground by your Commander, Reyes. A tan hand came into your vision and you gladly grabbed it, hoisting yourself up. “Come on, Y/N. Look where I’m trying to attack. From what I’ve taught you you’ll then be able to defend.” You readied your stance, one foot slightly forward, knees bent, arms in position. “If I swing.. here-” Your left arm moved to block the hit, a satisfying thud echoed. “And if I swing here..” Immediately you span your body round, dodging the next blow. “Good.” Gabriel turned his side to you and stepped forwards, circling. You followed him, stance still in it’s prime position and waiting for the next strike. He span, body lowering and foot extended- Those bloody fluorescent lights and the hard wooden floor and you were just sick of it. “I’m done.” You stated, exasperated. “We’re not done until I say we’re done, cariño.” He smirked. You refused to move. Still lying on the ground, you crossed your arms and closed your eyes. A gentle nudge in your ribs made you turn on your side, curling up into yourself. Gabriel let out a deep sigh. “Okay. Fine. We’re done.” “Thank God.”

***

After your training session you had headed back to your room for a well needed shower. Not even through the door and you stripped off your fitted black Overwatch training vest, throwing it onto the floor. One by one you removed your trainers, socks, leggings and then sports bra before hopping into the shower and turning it up to a high heat. Steam and water poured over you, fingers running through your hair and just savouring the moment. You massaged shampoo into your locks, rinsing off dirt and grime of a hard days training. A dollop of conditioner massaged into the ends of your hair and you were ready to lather up your loofah and scrub yourself clean. A deep scrub all over your body, and you washed the rest of the conditioner out of your hair. Turning the shower off, you stepped out and grabbed the fluffy towels off of the radiator. One wrapped around your body and one wrapped around your hair. Trudging through to your bedroom, you flung yourself onto the bed and let out a sigh that you had been holding in.

After the last mission, Gabriel had decided it would be for the best for you to train in hand to hand combat, and for you to also move into the Watchpoint, as other agents had their own spaces there too. Saftey concerns were raised, and the contract for apartment was immediately cancelled, with bribing the landlord with a hefty sum of cash. Your room was slightly smaller than the apartment, however you enjoyed being closer to everyone. It felt safer. No more late nights walking down the streets of Gibralter.

You managed to squeeze out most of the excess water from your hair before chucking the towels on the floor and throwing on a pair of underwear and a loose top. Climbing under the covers, you rubbed your eyes and sumbitted to the darkness that was blissful sleep.

***

A rapid knocking on the door suddenly brought you out of your slumber. “(Y/N)??” More knocking. You threw the covers off of and stumbled to the door, glancing at your watch. Opening the door, you saw a panic-stricken McCree. “What? I er- Jesse. It’s half three in the morning what do you wa-” He barged past you, covering your mouth with his hand and slammed the door closed, then wrapping his robotic arm around your waist. “Shh. Just.. shhh.” If you were more awake you would have tried to break free, but only being woken not even a minute ago you succumbed to Jesse’s hold. Heavy footsteps bounded down the hallway. “Where the fuck did he go? He came down here.” “Jesus, I mean, he could be anywhere.” “Still on the Watchpoint though.” A grunt from the second person and the footsteps led away from your room. You nudged Jesse in the ribs and he let go of you, taking a step back. You span around with an accusing finger pointing at him. “Jesse bloody McCree you better explain to me right now-” “Hey, (Y/N), don’t make me gag ya’ again.” You stopped talking, standing still and blushing oh so slightly. “Heh, yep. That’s what I thought.” “What?” He raised an eyebrow, glancing down slightly and smirked. Realisation hit and you crossed your arms over your thin shirt. “It’s cold.” You snapped. “Of course it is.” He held his hands up in a mock surrender, chuckling. “Look, I don’t got a lotta time, but thanks for lettin’ me hide ‘n here, sweetpea.” Your brows furrowed, cheeks warming at the nickname. “Are you going to tell me what this is about?” “Na, darlin’. Let’s just say some'o the other guys in Blackwatch ain’t too happy with me.” “Oh. Is there anything I can do..?” You suggested meekly. Jesse raised his eyebrow again, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “No. Jesse, no.” You pursed your lips. “That isn’t what I meant at all. I meant help with-” “With what, doll? “Nevermind. You obviously only seem to have one thing on your mind at the moment.” Jesse smirked at your comment. “Well, sugar, when all you’re wearin’ is panties and a t-shirt, y'all ain’t leavin’ much to the imagination.” Your mouth dropped slightly, cheeks blushing a deep red. You took in a deep breath. “Jesse. Please. It’s too early. Go back to your room.” Jesse chuckled, put two fingers up to his forehead in a mock salute and headed towards the door. “Yes, ma'am.” He opened the door and checked both ways down the hallway before turning his head to the side, looking over his shoulder. “Y'know, doll, I may have some competition.” He grabbed the handle and closed the door, leaving you in the middle of your room, barely dressed and barely able to comprehend what he just said. “Sleep. That’s all I need.” You furrowed your brow and rubbed both of your eyes with your hands, taking small steps towards your bed.

***

“Sir. Really?” Your arms are crossed and your left hip jutted out, your stance screaming attitide. Gabriel chuckled. “What? Do you not like him?” “I- no. It’s not that.” Gabriel cocked his head and raised his eyebrow. “Oh, gatita, did he get to you?“ “He barged into my room at stupid o'clock in the morning and practically straight up said he wanted to- you know..” “Ahah. Sí. I know.” “So.. Why me?” “I thought you could put up with his charms.” “I can.” “Then there shouldn’t be a problem.” You huffed. You clearly weren’t going to get your way, and Gabriel had assigned you to a mission with Jesse McCree.

***

Along with advanced combat and weapon training, you had also been teaching a new girl about your ‘old’ job. As Gabriel had unofficially recruited you into Blackwatch, with the permission of Morrison, you had reluctantly decided that it would be best to pass on your role to someone who could tackle it full time. It was difficult, as you loved your job, but you couldn’t pass the opportunity to progress even higher into Overwatch. You had to teach the newbie all that you could before you were sent out on your mission with McCree. “You need to negotiate settlement terms, such as an ongoing discount with them or a discount if we pay early. Be creative; try and get some free shurikens thrown in if you can.” The girl nodded, furiously taking notes on her holopad. It wasn’t often you had to deal with a new supplier, as in this business trade was loyal. However, one company may go down every now and then and you need to do research on finding a suitable replacement.

You looked over the girls notes, deeming them acceptable enough to make enough sense should she need to refer back. “You’ve done well today. Go home, get some rest as we get onto actual buying tomorrow.” She nodded, thanking you and packing up her belongings. You waited for her to leave the office before powering down the holopads and stretching. It’s been a long day. Quickly tidying the desk to make it look presentable, you decided to head out towards the break room to grab a bottle of water. Pushing the door open, you looked around. You were slightly surprised that no one was in here, even considering how late it was. Usually people were milling around for late night snacks or socialising. One foot in the door and something cold touched the back of your neck. You instinctively raised both your hands, heart pounding. “Reach for the sky.” You immediately dropped your hands. “For fuck sake, McCree. Can you not?” You carried on walking over to the vending machine to grab a bottle. “I have enough on my fucking plate as it is, I don’t need to be threat-” “(Y/N). Stop. Was just a joke.” “Yeah, well, it was one of your funnier ones.” “Darlin’, that was cold.” You turned around to face him, water bottle in hand. He was standing there with his stupid cowboy hat in his hands, eyes wide. You actually felt a bit of remorse. “Sorry.. Jesse..” “No, doll, it was my bad. I know you been jugglin’ things and I shouldn’t'a done that. I guess I’ll jus’.. Walk away..” Smiling slightly. Don’t let his sarcasm get to you. You pointedly stop and stare at him with a bored look on your face. He raises an eyebrow, the corners of his lips turning up slightly showing his teeth. “I can’t work with you if you’re going to act like that.” “Like what, sweetpea?” Amusement laced his southern drawl. “Like, this.” You gestured generally in his direction, clearly exasperated. He was still smirking, but his eyebrow raised in slight confusion. “You don’t like me?” “No. Yes. I don’t-” McCree chuckled. “Y'ain’t the first to get flustered around me, doll.” “I’m not flustered.” “What’s with the red cheeks then?” You blinked and took in a deep breath. “This is supposed to be a strictly professional relationship and you go around barging into my room at stupid o'clock in the morning and then getting a laugh out of making me nearly shit myself.” “Am I not allowed to have a lil’ fun?” “Yes, but-” “But what?” People need to stop interrupting you, you thought. A small, impatient growl released from your throat and you went to storm past him. It seems he didn’t want you to, a tanned muscular arm blocking your path. “Move.” McCree let out another deep chuckle. “Nope. Y'all ain’t goin’ anywhere ‘til you tell me.” You glanced down to your water bottle in your right hand. Thinking quick, you raised it above your head as though ready to strike him- He was faster. Jesse caught your wrist with his robotic hand, you dropping your bottle in surprise. He then crouched slightly, catching you off guard and all of a sudden you’re over his shoulder with your bottle forgotten on the floor. “JESSE MCCREE.” “Hmm?” “Put me down this instant .” You wiggled your legs, simultaneously attempting to whack him on the back in the hopes that he’d put you back on solid ground. He was incredibly amused. Jesse’s toned arm was wrapped around the backs of your thighs to stop you from falling, dangerously close to your bottom. You squirmed some more; you weren’t going to make this easy for him.

He started walking out of the mess hall, whistling a tune. You huffed. All you could see was where you came from and it seemed he had no aim in sight as to where you would end up. He took a couple of turns, when he stopped suddenly. “Sir.” “McCree. What are you doing?” You recognised the voice as Gabriel’s and you perked up. “TellhimtoputmedownPLEASE.” You exclaimed, frantically trying to release yourself from his grasp. All you heard was a small snort coming from the Blackwatch commander. “Carry on.” Whatever looks were exchanged between them, you didn’t know. However, you made sure to give Gabriel a good thump on the arm as McCree casually walked past him. “You betrayed me.” “Cariño, I would never betray you.” A hint of humour in his voice. “Trust him.” He stood in the hallway with his arms crossed and his head tilted slightly looking at you. One corner of his mouth was pulled up, a half smile forming. You let out another huff, accepting you had to go wherever McCree took you. He took you round another corner and you recognised it as the corridor where your room was. “What’s the code to your room?” “Like I’d tell you.” You thought he’d put you down here so you could put it in. Nope. Jesse turned around so you were in front of your door, keypad just high enough to enter the code. Your brows cross in defeat. “It’s open.” He spins around again, too quickly that some of your hair gets caught in your mouth. You manage the catch the door and slam it when he crosses the threshold. Only now does he tenderly lower you down so you’re back on your feet. One look at him and you close your eyes slowly, turning to walk to your bedroom. “Wait.” You turn on your heels, snapping your eyes open and looking at him expectantly. “You’re welcome.” “For what?” You asked flatly. “Carryin’ you back to your room. You looked mighty tired back there ‘nd thought I could help.” “Right.” “Wait.” You brought your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. He stalks over to you, lifting his human hand to your face. Eyes widen and you flinch slightly, lowering your hand. He only brushed some of your hair that was still caught on your lips. “There.” His hand lingered for a few seconds more than what should have been appropriate; fingers ghosting over your cheek. Your eyelids fluttered, not used to the gentle contact. “I knew it.” Once again your eyes shot open, looking into his. “You can’t resist me.” “You just touched me in a way that I haven’t been touched in a while is all.” You spat out, swatting his hand away. “Of course, darlin’.” A grin spreading across his face. “Professional.” “Always am.” He tips his head and makes his way to your door. “Lookin’ forward to working together.” He closes the door behind him and you hear a faint whistling as he strolls away. You hate to admit it, but he was right. You were shattered from doing your full time job and training in the evenings. Rubbing your eyes with your hands, you headed towards your bed to get some well needed sleep.

#overwatch #overwatch fanfic #overwatch x reader #jesse mccree #jesse mccree x reader #gabriel reyes #blackwatch #gabriel reyes x reader #pre-fall overwatch #overwatch imagines

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violetsystems · 5 years

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#personal

When all was said and done I was only in New York for about twenty four hours. I remember thinking at the ticket counter I had a choice of looking at it positively or negatively. The Muslim woman at the check-in recognized the fact my trip was to be horribly cut short. She had hinted that she might be able to talk to her manager. The reality of the situation was that it didn’t really matter to me. I wasn’t going to gain anything other than the moment in front of me. I was going to go anyway. Nobody really knew why for sure. I didn’t even really know to be honest. I just had to get away from here. I had booked a flight the night before for my birthday. I was looking up various Fashion Weeks around the world and saw the days mysteriously collided. So I was already another trip in when the news hit me one minute after the checkin window for my current flight. I thought about how bad it would look to cancel my hotel. I thought about how easy it was to take the train back, take a nap and a shower. I thought about how if I didn’t stop at the bathroom and use the infant dressing table to organize my shit I might’ve checked in on time. I also wouldn’t have run into the Trans person in the bathroom either. That was pretty normal for me. I would hope in 2019 people would understand it’s a bad look to be Islamophobic and Trans exclusionary in any context let alone the airport. I can’t help that I was raised by both my grandmother and my mother to respect women. How I express it doesn’t often look the same as other social justice warriors on the Internet. Mostly in the spirit of Jane Addams I believe that the sphere of morals is the sphere of action. I rode the train in with a Muslim woman as well. Politicians break their neck to sit at the same table as me within an earshot over coffee. The call center for some Democratic machine has my cellphone number on speed dial. I walk off the plane onto the Q70 like everybody else. Take the train from Queens with a couple of missteps to Canal street in Chinatown. There on the ground somebody has torn the letters off the New York Transit Authority’s Wet Paint placard to reveal a contraction. Broken English I’m used to by now. Ain’t gonna happen. Ain’t that some shit. Ain’t you happy we know exactly who you are by now. Twenty four hours in New York for me is some other shit. Something nobody knows about unless you observe it. Kind of like the Quantum Double-Slit experiment, the trolley problem or multitrack drifting. You have choices. You make choices. Other choices reveal themselves to you as a result. I’ve never seen Bandersnatch but I live Black Mirror these days in real life. I’m also not getting sued.

I had to deal with a leak yesterday morning. I made a joke moving furniture about the CIA. I don’t work for the government. When people ask my politics at this point, I’m sure they can empathize why I answer the way I do. People were talking about their birthdays as we were walking up to the space. I didn’t say anything. I don’t really give up much information anymore about my personal life. I don’t even know sometimes why I make the decisions I do. I feel drawn to certain things. Sometimes growing up in Chicago I’ve felt held back by other people’s perceptions of what I should be and where I belong. My life is largely my life. If anybody has learned anything about me it’s that people seem to idolize me without ever really talking to me, listening to what I say or including my actual consent. They have this fairy tale narrative of me. The reality of jumping on a plane to New York without much of a plan is that it’s far easier for people to intercept you in real life. People move to New York to be seen. I just get my ass on a plane and a bus. I was sitting on the tarmac ready to leave when I discovered a good friend actually worked at Baohaus. One of my good friends who I literally had a show with at Jane Addams Hull House hit me up a day later about the Fresh Pain shirts. She connected me with a print shop in LA that does workshops and has a gallery. I connected her with my friend at Baohaus. They’re both Chinese. They both have a high opinion of me. She’s going there in a few weeks to visit. I’ll be there a week or so later. No plans again really other than to get away from the claustrophobia and paparazzi here back home. I don’t really feel part of it at times. But there’s times when I walk out my back gate into the alley at the same time as my neighbors and it feels like a sitcom. I’m very aware we live in a society. I’m also very aware much of it is hypocritical and neoliberal. That’s a very loaded term for me. So are communism and socialism. If the only thing people remember about me is that I was a DJ then they’re forgetting how much activism I’ve done. I’m easy to forget. I’m practically invisible. It is like a thick fog of war. I slice through it like a ninja. Never leaving a trace except maybe occasionally carving my name into your heart. Metaphorically speaking of course. The heart is a muscle and I’d rather see it grow than scar. If you’ve got a lot of heart you can make it. If you can make it in New York they say you can make it anywhere. I say this sitting alone in my apartment Saturday morning without much of a real clue as to what to expect from all of it.

If we resurrect that word I’ve resolved not to use much of this is still anticlimactic for me. I already know where I want to go. I already know where I already am. If left in New York for a weekend it’s apparent I’m on my best behavior. Helping Chinese tourists get to where they need to go when I am in fact also lost. Picking up on hidden cues from the TSA during security screenings. Trying to work within the system as much as possible when required. I felt welcome in New York regardless of whatever is going on with my life. I felt like it was not only a place I belonged but a place where a person like myself was valued. This is to say I don’t think I could afford to live there with my current salary. There’s a very huge reality with that statement. I can afford to visit often. I don’t know that it would be that hard for me to find a job in New York. I also don’t know if that’s what I should be doing. The way I live my life right now is by staying open, available and transparent. Mostly because I care about someone enough to project that. It also is not like I don’t have reassurance that it’s valued. I’m a citizen of the United States so it stands to reason it would be easier for me to move to New York. I also am fairly well respected on my block. I rode the bus up with my neighbor at four in the morning. People on the streets always say what’s up. Like real street shit. That’s par for the course in New York. Chicago can be a little more hardcore. They don’t call it Chiraq for nothing. I don’t ever feel unsafe in either city regardless of what kinds of traffic follow me at any time. I also don’t really ask for any of this. It does prove a very real point. That you can be accountable in real life and have it go completely unnoticed by the pundits and cheerleaders for whatever movement you choose. And that hypocrisy isn’t something I benefit feeding. It’s a beast that comes back years later and bites you in the ass. For me it’s a hulking cerebrus that keeps to my side like a hunting dog. That’s my karma. Maybe it’s just my reputation. I was truthfully scared to go to New York by myself after all this. Who would blame me? I’m obviously floating in some very strange and interesting circles. Been swimming in these currents for years trying to reach someone. I’m in the shallow water now. It was pretty deep for awhile. Almost like I was drowning. Maybe someday we’ll be on a beach together instead of a fishbowl. I’d like to believe that to be true. I believed New York would be good for me despite the setbacks. I believe my birthday will be quiet and restful. And I believe I already made you a valentine’s day card. I’ve written more than my fair share of love letters to you since. This morning is no different. <3 Tim

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exposing-5h · 7 years

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fifth harmony, camila cabello and laucy

so this post is a really long time coming. i’ve been wanting to write something about this for a while now but i wasn’t sure what the point of the post was going to be or where i would go with it. i still don’t really but my main reason for writing this is to just gather my thoughts on everything that’s happened since mid novemeber in regards to fifth harmony. this post isn’t exactly about one thing in particular, but a multitude of things that have happened.

i kind of want to divulge into the whole bad things drama with camila but i’ve already made a post about that which you can read here (although it was written haphazardly when she announced that it was being released). the only other point that i’d like to make about bad things is that some fifth harmony tour shows (in europe) were cancelled to promote her single with machine gun kelley (see here) and she was also performing at every jingle ball this year with him to promote the song. this shows the favour the label had toward camila over the four other girls which i’ll probably getting into a bit later on in this post. i believe that label has, in some ways, always favoured camila. she didn’t drop epic/syco when she left fifth harmony, she is still signed to them even now.

now, let’s get on to the good stuff - laucy. so, i think it was right in the middle of november when the pictures of lauren and lucy kissing were “leaked”. i put leaked in quotation marks because we still do not know if they were purposely put out there to make lauren uncomfortable, the photographer put them out there unknowingly or the photographer put them out there knowingly - for pr.

my laucy heart was literally palpitating when i saw these pictures but as soon as i did, i wanted to scream because, oh shit - lauren had been outed, right? despite camren shippers saying it was “just a friendly kiss” (aw bless their naivety, i mean - does that look like a friendly kiss?) i think everyone knew that the kiss represented much more than that. now let’s have a look at the date that these pictures were released - the pics were “leaked” on the 13th of November 2016.

lauren made no comment on the pictures and still hasn’t. in fact, she’s made no comment on the status of her relationship or if she’s even dating lucy or anyone else for that matter.

then, on the 18th of November, lauren comes at as bisexual to billboard in an open letter to trump supporters.. “i am a bisexual cuban-american woman and i am so proud of it”.

i have plenty of points to make about lauren’s coming out. before i indulge in them - i want you all to remember that sexuality can only be defined by the person to who it belongs to. when lauren denied her interest in girls and said she was straight - she was straight. now that she is saying she is bisexual - she is bisexual, meaning she is interested in boys and girls. if, in the future, she retracts this statement - then she is who she says she is.

so - were the pictures accidentally posted? no - they were not. they were purposely put out there to tease fans and the public - to gauge a reaction as how people would deal with lauren kissing a girl.

but why, you ask. well - what else happened when the pictures were released? mid november right?... well in fifth harmony’s second statement, they reveal that they were informed in “mid november” that camila would be leaving the group. camila cabello - the face of fifth harmony, was leaving the group! so of course this meant that they needed someone else to become the new face of fifth harmony. somebody to take over.

why am i so adamant in my belief that they were released and not unintentionally leaked? because this is how the music industry works. little to nothing is left to chance. everything happens for a reason.

then, lauren came out. was her coming out in response to the pictures of her and lucy kissing? or was it as she says, because of Trump?

i don’t believe that for a second. why? because the article was sent to billboard. it had to be approved. billboard had to want to post it for lauren. these things don’t happen in a second. they take at least a day. they were an appropriate response to the pictures without mentioning the pictures (for those outside of the fandom).

also - lauren couldn’t just “come out” without getting permission. we all know that all of the girls have such strict contracts (which has now been changed a little thanks to our saviour, dina la polt). lauren’s coming out was negotiated - they weighed up the pro’s and cons and decided in favour of it because most of the fandom already speculated lauren wasn’t straight and also because of her featuring on afterellen previously etc. syco/epic deemed it okay for her to come out and that is why she was allowed. lauren’s coming out also serves a purpose for epic/syco - it paints them in a positive light, showing that epic/syco aren’t monsters who closet their clients.

is lauren actually bisexual? yes. there would be little to no benefit for her to come out if she wasn’t actually bisexual. a straight image is much more marketable than a non-straight image. so yes, whilst the label did allow lauren to come out - it was ultimately her decision. but, she may have been coerced slightly - to put herself into the limelight since camila was leaving. the timeline all makes sense.

what else happened about three weeks after lauren came out? she announced that she had collabed with duo marian hill for a song.

with lauren’s name out in the media because of her coming out, it was a perfect opportunity for her to drop her collab.

is lauren and lucy’s relationship pr? no. why? lucy is hardly well known apart from in latin america because of her dad, carlos vives. in a society that is heavily homophobic it was inevitable that he would be asked about his daughter’s actions, to which he responded -

carlos vives is very careful not to label the kiss. he doesn’t say that it’s a relationship. he says it’s a symbol. this coincides with lauren’s letter to trump. lauren doesn’t come out because the pictures were leaked, but because she wants to prove something to trump supporters (according to her story line).

also see what lucy had to say about the leaked kissing picture - here.

i do not know if lauren and lucy are in a relationship because it has not been confirmed. but i will say this - whatever they are, it is real and we should respect that. i definitely think that their relationship is being flaunted for pr, however. it has a lot of positives to be used as pr. it gives lauren publicity and that in turn gives fifth harmony publicity. first it was camila engaging in publicity stunts, but because she was leaving, their label had to have another way to get media and fan attention. so whilst laucy’s existence isn’t pr - the fact that it is kinda in our faces a lot, is pr.

i haven’t even bought up camren in this post once but i do feel as though i should make a comment about it. camren shippers probably make up the majority of the fifth harmony fandom. mid november (when the pics were leaked and lauren came out as bi, they were also informed that camila was leaving) which would be the perfect opportunity for lauren to come out as bisexual. why? to kill camren rumours...although camila was still in the band when lauren came out. the label played it well - fans had no idea that camila was leaving so lauren coming out - appealed to camren shippers a lot and fifth harmony gained a lot of attention. but it also killed camren rumours when camila left. a win-win situation in that regard. especially with lucy popped into the mix.

then, lauren was caught at the airport with weed. the reaction from fans and the media was, to say the least - quite humorous and positive. was this pr? or was lauren’s name being dragged through the industry? or was it a honest mistake?

in my opinion - it was an attempt to get lauren’s name dragged. lauren has always been one to voice her opinion and if you upset one of your superiors (which it is likely she could have done) then they can play you because you’re just a puppet. but lauren’s reaction was one of nonchalance. it seemed she was un-bothered - which is why the whole thing could’ve been a stunt. this would work in fifth harmony’s favour because it got lauren (and them) a lot of attention. i guess we’ll never know.

i think i’ve covered mostly everything about laucy but now i want to quickly look at the statements released by both fifth harmony and camila cabello, when camila decided to leave.

on the night camila was leaving, they all had a jingle ball performance. camila first performed with mgk that night.

then she performed, for the last time ever, with fifth harmony

(oh hey, look at that smile!)

that same night fifth harmony released a statement announcing that camila is leaving. and no, they weren’t “just” informed - camila craftily added that into her statement.

this was a bombshell for nearly everyone. sure, most of the fandom could see that camila wanted to leave. but after the revival of ot5 moments (yikes, dinah) this was such a confusing time for camila to leave...right? things seemed on the rise so a lot of people couldn’t understand her reasoning...even though we saw it coming from miles away. lol.

their statement was short and abrupt and obviously written on behalf of them by their management. i definitely think their management wanted to get the upper hand and create a narrative before camila and her team could come an spit lies (as they have been doing).

then we were given camila’s statement which some people took as more meaningful because she talked about bunnies and rainbows. but her statement too was orchestrated by her team. did you all catch the grammatical inconsistencies throughout? yeah - one person did not write that.

see how she craftily inserted the words “just informed”? she’s so smart. but fifth harmony’s team weren’t having it and they fired back with their second statement - not admitting defeat. there was so much confusion and so fifth harmony, in my opinion, did the right thing in releasing their second statement - to clear up any confusion. some people, of course, were too blindsighted to see wrong and right, even after everything.

all 3 statements - both fifth harmony’s and camila’s statemnts were all released on behlaf of them and are not completely theirs. one thing’s for sure however, there is an underlying narrative that none of us know about and perhaps we never will. what i can say is that camila fucked over 4 girls for her solo career as revealed by this billboard article - camila even went as far as to suggest that the four other girls take a hiatus so she could release her own solo music - and then have fifth harmony to fall back on. it’s safe to say that a lot of the articles written from billboard and other news outlets do favour camila (because one of her team works for billboard) but they are very telling. it’s also telling that camila has had so many articles written about her since she left - victimising her.

there’s a lot i could say about camila’s departure but i think that’s a story for another time.

with that i leave you with the rise of h4rmony!