#because they are willingly choosing to live this way instead of getting over it. they are rejecting healing with their eyes open | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eymie · 3 months

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COME HERE, DRESSED IN BLACK NOW !

masterlist

pairing: politian!coriolanus snow x fem!reader

warnings: smut, degradation, dirty talk, oral (m. receiving and f. receiving), overstimulation, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), fingering, tummy bulge, cream pie, choking

summary: coriolanus keeps you on a tight leash but when you act out he needs to put you in your place.

a/n: this is literally the first thing i ever wrote on this account but never finished. when i take my time to actually write well😧😧😧😧 it’s so mf long sorry it just got lore (like 4000 words)

Coriolanus had chosen you. You were the one with the ring on your finger. The one with his initials around your neck. You were his.

That didn’t prevent him from being cold and distant. Locked up in his office during the and into the night occasionally. Breakfast and dinner he sat across from you with his eyes scanning the newspaper.

You weren’t his fiancée, you were his pawn. Someone for him to show off, someone to carry his heirs.

In public, he’d wrap his arm around your waist, tugging you tight to his side. You didn’t know if it was to show you were a happy couple or territorial.

Maybe he didn’t love you, or even like you. But, nonetheless, you belonged to him. The abomination it would be to his reputation to have his fiancée acting out. For you to act like a whore in public. So he kept you on a tight leash.

Most the time.

Tonight was your engagement party. He let you plan an extravagant gala, whatever you wanted he got you. You chose the theme, the music, the food. Of course, he chose the people. Running for president and such requires the right people at your events.

And tonight, you got to choose your own gown. It was black and tight, to go along with your theme. You chose black and silver, knowing you had the perfect heels.

Coriolanus doesn’t share a bedroom with you, he claims it’s inappropriate considering you two aren’t married yet. But that didn’t stop him from slipping his hand under your skirt two weeks ago. You and Coriolanus haven’t gone the full way in weeks, that was your goal for tonight.

When Coriolanus decided he wanted to fuck you, it was to release his frustrations not yours. He fucked you because he needed it. You never really came, it was your problem not his. Your fingers never helped.

He said once before that it doesn't count if he isn't making love to you, and he wasn't.

Living with him for two months, you’ve picked up a few things. You know what makes him itch, what makes him needy. You know damn well that he would’ve stand for a brat as fiancée, but you knew he wouldn’t leave you.

You just wanted his attention, for him to really need you. Not a stress fuck, not a pity kiss. You wanted him to crave you. You knew he was possessive, he never hid that side of him. You knew he was a jealous man, that one he wouldn't willingly admit. You knew exactly what strings to pull to have him trail right after you.

He had technically paid for this dress, it was tight and hugged your body in all the places you needed. Long enough to be considered modern, neckline low enough to be considered slutty. The necklace with his initial "C" hanging around your neck, just above your cleavage. You wore sheer black shawl around your arms to cover up if needed be.

You heard heavy footsteps down the hall, an assertive knock on the door to your bedroom. You tug down your neckline slightly, padding over to the door. You turned the knob, pulling open the door to see Coriolanus. His blond curls now slicked neatly, instead of a red suit he wore plain black.

Coriolanus leaned against the doorframe, his expression unreadable as he observed you getting ready. The engagement part loomed, and in his stoic demeanor, there was a hint of the complexities that lay beneath.

Catching his eye as you adjusted her gown. "Yes?" You questioned, sensing the tension in his demeanor. The one-word exchange hung in the air.

"Guests will be arriving soon, we'll need to be greeting them together." He stated matter-of-factly, his voice was cold, emotionless. He was so perfect, in the sense of his posture and the way he carried himself. His eyes bore into yours, avoiding looking at your body.

A quiet "Mhm" escaping your lips, acknowledging him.

Coriolanus eyes flickered down to the swell of your breasts over your neckline. His initial decorating your chest on a pendant. His fingers pulling at your straps, adjusting your dress.

"You have a reputation; don't taint it." He murmured, then pulling his hand away from your gown. You look up at him with furrowed brows. He bit back any more remarks before dismissing himself. The weight of those words lingered, a stern reminder to uphold the image he deemed crucial in their shared world.

You close the door as he leaves, locking it. You walk back over the the mirror, confused with your emotions. Did he even want you? You looked in the mirror, a large diamond decorating your finger, his necklace hanging from your neck.

You fix up your hair, touch up your makeup and slid on your heels. They certainly gave you a few inches, something Coriolanus secretly enjoyed. He was still taller than you, enough for you to look up at him even in heels.

Your heels clicked against the marble floors as you made your way down the stairs. Coriolanus was making sure everything was properly set up as you'd like. Your hand slid down the railing, careful to keep your balance. You looked into the large opulent room, decorated just like how you had imagined. You felt a cool hand on your waist, spinning to see Coriolanus.

"Coryo," You slightly pull away. You watched as his eyes traveling down your body, admiring you.

"Coriolanus tonight, I don't want any of those silly nicknames in front of my peers." He explains, you nodding along feeling slightly embarrassed. Knowing you were barely an exception to use his nickname.

As the first guests began to arrive, a hum of anticipation filled the air. Coriolanus was at his peak of campaigning for presidency. This was the night to socialize with colleagues, his fellow peers. To win presidency.

Your friends were here, other wives of other politicians. Tigris was invited by you, despite Coriolanus' concerns. Which you never understood and he'd never tell you why.

Coriolanus hadn't paid attention to you since the first guest arrived, chatting with other wealthy men. You sat at a table engaging in mindless banter with the other housewives. You watch Coriolanus from across the room, he smiled and nodded, laughing along with jokes you knew he didn't care for.

This was supposed to be your night, and he was viewing this as a business opportunity?

You stood up from your chair, your heels clicking as you walked across the large room in attempt to find a server with champagne. You felt an hand grasp your shoulder, you turn around expecting the face of your dear fiancé. Instead a man that you knew worked alongside him, fairly handsome but not like Coriolanus.

"Mrs. Snow?" He smiles, greeting you with a hug. You looked behind him, Coriolanus still engaging in business matters. You look back at the man, somewhat eye level.

"Not quite yet," You giggle, showing your engagement ring. You weren't going to be his wife for a few more months at least. Not until he won his votes.

"I see, he better lock you in before another man comes by to steal you. Beautiful woman you are." The man laughs, you fake a smile in return. Muttering a thank you, giggling at the things he said. You acted wine drunk knowing you'd yet to consume any alcohol. "Coriolanus is a lucky man."

"That he is," You nod, fingers rubbing at the initial around your neck. The man softly grabbed your hand, pulling it away to see the necklace that hung over your chest. His eyes slightly skimming your breasts.

"A gift I assume?" He raises a brow, letting go of the necklace. His eyes skimmed your body, eyes that you wish belonged to Coriolanus. Yet, another man was in front of you instead.

"Yes, it is." You tell the man, nodding along to whatever he spewed out of his mouth. You laughed at his jokes knowing they weren't remotely funny. He snuck in comments about your appearance and how Coriolanus isn't deserving of your beauty. You simply laughed or nodded, looking back every now or then to see if Coriolanus had noticed.

You were too busy engaging in borderline inappropriate conversations with a random man too notice the jealous eye of your fiancé. His glare burning into your skin from ten feet away.

Engaged in a brief exchange, the man and you exchanged a playful banter and subtle glances, an unexpected flirtation unfolding amidst the lively atmosphere of the engagement party.

Excusing yourself from the flirtatious encounter, you gracefully departed to fix up your makeup. The brief interlude offered a moment of solitude to gather thoughts and make subtle adjustments. You adjusted the necklace that bore his initial. Fingers traced the letter delicately.

Emerging from the bathroom, Coriolanus swiftly found you in the midst of the lively engagement party. Without a word, he decisively grabbed your wrist, his touch conveying a complex blend of urgency and emotion.

Unable to contain his rising frustration, Coriolanus discreetly pulled you away from the buzzing crowd, finding a quieter corridor outside the opulent ballroom.

"Cory-- Coriolanus, you're hurting me." You tried pulling your arm from his grip, his grip unrelenting. If any thing he grabbed your arm harder. "Please."

The tension was palpable as he confronted you, "What was that back there? Flaunting your charms with my business partners? This is not the image we need."

You met his gaze defiantly, "I was playing the game, Coriolanus. Networking is about connections, you know it as much as I do."

His grip tightened subtly, "There's a line between networking and crossing boundaries. You risk our reputation and my patience with such antics."

Their hushed argument unfolded in the dimly lit corridor, a class of personal wills against a backdrop of Capitol politics.

"Who do you think you are?" He spat, his cold gaze that bore into yours. Yours that pleaded for an ounce of his attention that you silently begged for and craved. His eyes ablaze with frustration and distain.

"What--" The retort caught you off guard, and you stammered.

"Flirting with other men, men I work with at that." His voice got louder, echoing in the halls.

Your response was immediate but defensive. "I didn--"

He cut you off sharply, "Don't talk. I have a reputation to upkeep and you walked around like a dog in heat. Look at you. Your breasts practically spilling right out of that dress, thinking I wouldn't notice? How do you expect me to marry you when all you are is a unworthy slut?"

"How else am I supposed to get your attention?" You demanded, frustration evident in your voice. "You ignore me all the time."

He scoffed, "When do I ignore you?"

"Breakfast, dinner, we sleep in separate beds." You retorted. your words laden a mix of hurt and exasperation.

Coriolanus remained indifferent, "Don't expect me to see you as anything other than a business proposition." The coldness in his tone reflected the harsh reality of being in love with Coriolanus Snow.

You scoffed, a laugh laced in your voice. "Then why are you jealous?"

Coriolanus' demeanor remained composed, but a flicker of irritation cross his face. "Jealous of what? You?"

You gestured towards yourself, the fabric of your gown catching the ambient light. "Look at you."

His response was a calculated blend of dismissal and condescension. "Your lucky I don't teach you your place."

You furrowed your eyebrows, looking up at him. "My place?"

"Under me." His proximity increased, a subtle threat in his hushed tone. A pregnant paused lingered, the air charged with unsaid sentiments, before he sought clarity. You were turning on your heel back to the party. "Where are you going?"

"My party." You said with unwavering authority.

His challenge echoed, "My room, as soon as your party is over. Don't think to defy it." He asserted, the words resonating in the rich tapestry of Capitol politics. "And fix your lipstick." He added, his demand punctuating the intricacies of control and appearance in their tumultuous engagement.

You quickly ran back off into the bathroom. The soft glow of vanity lights highlighted the subtle imperfections on your face. With a deep breath, you delicately traced the edge of your lips with a tissue attempting to salvage the remnants of your carefully applied lipstick. Embarrassed enough that you had just fought with your fiancé with smeared lipstick.

As the night wore on, the opulent party unfolded in a crescendo of laughter, music and discreet conversations within the grandeur dining hall. Time seemed to stretch, each moment etching its own narrative against the backdrop of celebration. You got antsy by the second, assertive glances between you and Coriolanus throughout the rest of the night.

As the night progressed, the energy in the room began to shift. Guests gradually bid their farewells, and the once lively dance floor saw fewer couples swaying to the music. The atmosphere transformed, signaling the inevitable conclusion of the extravagant affair.

After the last guest bid their farewell, the once bustling corridors of the Capitol estate fell into a hushed stillness. In the wake of the elaborate celebration, you moved through the halls with a determined grace, your footsteps echoing in the quiet.

The dimly lit corridor leading to Coriolanus' bedroom felt like a clandestine pathway into a realm of secrecy. The rich tapestries and plush carpets absorbed the sound, adding an air of intimacy to the silence that enveloped the grand estate.

Your heartbeat quickened as you approached the closed door, the polished wood bearing silent witness to the unspoken tensions of the night.

With a hesitant hand, you reached for the doorknob, the cool metal a stark contrast to the warmth of you skin. As the door creaked open, revealing the private sanctum of Coriolanus, the complexities of their relations in the air of the night.

"Coriolanus--" You whispered into the dim room. You listened to the patter of water against a shower floor. Light emitting from the crack from under the polished door to his private bathroom.

You stood there momentarily, a mix of nerves and yet a feel of need. The soft hum of the shower created a subtle backdrop, underscoring the clandestine nature of their relationship. You sat on the edge of his, your heels falling to the ground at the end of the bed.

As Coriolanus stepped out of the shower, the air was heavy with lingering warmth and the faint scent of soap and the cologne that had been trapped in the room just hours prior. Your lips parted as droplets of water glistened on his skin as he emerged. His gaze met yours, a silence settling between them.

Even though Coriolanus had summoned you, his demeanor remained unchanged as he emerged from the bathroom, his gaze piercing through yours. "I asked you here, didn't I?"

"I wanted to apologiz--" You said, the vulnerability in her words hanging in the air. Coriolanus' gaze, still edged with a hint of distain, bore into her.

Coriolanus' lips curled into a sneer as he delivered a cutting blow. "Apologizing won't erase the fact that you behaved like a slut at our engagement party," He spat, the harshness of his words echoing in the ornate bedroom.

"M'not a slut," Your words held a determined edge, refusal to admit the way his words made your thighs clench.

Despite the verbal exchange, a surprising surge of arousal pulsed through you. Your eyes, previously aflame with defiance, now carried a subtle glint of desire.

With a cruel glint in his eyes, Coriolanus seized the opportunity to assert dominance.

"You're nothing more than a pawn in this game, a desperate attempt at securing my status," He sneered, his words dripping with degradation. Your facade of defiance faltered, replaced by a momentary vulnerability. The plush surroundings seemed to close in as he continued, "You thought you could manipulate me with your feeble attempts at seduction? Pathetic."

As Coriolanus closed the distance, his proximity became suffocating, his presence an imposing force. His gaze bore into yours.

The air thickened with tension. In a surprising turn, Coriolanus abruptly seized you by the chin, his actions a mixture of dominance and an unexpected shift in dynamics. His lips crashed onto yours, a forceful kiss that bordered on the line between punishment and desire.

As your lips met, the kiss became a collision of conflicting desires. Coriolanus's grip on your chin tightened, asserting dominance even in this intimate act. His teeth clashing again yours, kissing you with passion and hunger.

The kiss deepened, the hunger for control and passion intertwining in a complex dance. Coriolanus's grip on your chin loosened slightly, his fingers threading into your hair as if staking a claim. His other hand going to cradle your jaw, thumb brushing against your cheek. The intensity of the kiss became a ravenous exchange, each probing movement a manifestation of unspoken desires.

Breaking the kiss with a gleam in his eyes, Coriolanus's voice resonated a lingering sense of control. "You wanted my attention; you have it,"

His words hung in the air. As he spoke, Coriolanus maintained a calculating gaze, savoring the vulnerability beneath her desire for attention.

Their intimate connection, a collision of hunger and control, lingered in the room, leaving the boundaries between dominance and submission increasingly blurred. The air seemed to crackle with the unspoken, a potent mix of power and desire entwined in the complex web they wove together.

Your defiant gaze met his, and with a surprising admission, he declared, "You think I don't notice you? I'm obsessed with you."

The revelation hung in the air, a subtle shift in the power dynamics of their engagement. The lines between dominance and surrender blurred further.

"You are?" You questioned, a mix of surprise and uncertainty lacing your tone. How could he be obsessed with you? He couldn't even look at you during dinner.

As the revelation settled between them, you took a step back, your gaze wary yet intrigued. In response, Coriolanus, with a predatory confidence, closed the distance by stepping forward, his presence magnetic. "You're the one with my ring, our possession goes both ways, and don't think I don't know that."

You furrowed your brows, looking into his once cold expressionless eyes. Now filled with need and passion. Your lips parted, water droplets decorating his skin.

"What do you mean?" You asked, a mix of curiosity and confusion. Needing answers for this mind trip he was taking you on.

Coriolanus, standing his ground, met her gaze with a cryptic smile. "Our possession of each other isn't one-sided. Your ring on my finger is as much a symbol of my claim as it is yours. Don't underestimate the reciprocity in our entanglement," He explained, his words carrying a blend of assertion and intrigue.

The bedroom, now a silent witness, seemed to echo the breathing between them. A wry smile played on Coriolanus's lips as he acknowledged, "You'd have my head if I so much as looked at another woman."

The acknowledgment hung in the air, a testament to the fragile balance of power and possessiveness in their engagement.

Your response held a mix of conviction and playfulness, "I would."

The air in the room seemed to thicken with the unspoken consequences, a tacit understanding that their engagement carried a weight of possessiveness and potential retribution. Coriolanus, with a hunger fueled by possession and desire, closed the remaining distance. Your lips met in a hungry kiss, a collision of fervor and dominance.

The lines between power, obsession, and desire blurred further. His wet bare skin rubbing into the fabric of your dress. His hand at the back of your head pulling you into the kiss further. His tongue pushing past your lips, dominating the kiss.

"I feel bad," You admitted, pulling away from the kiss.

"Then apologize," Coriolanus responded, his tone demanding. His jaw was clenched, staring back down into your eyes. He tilted your head up to looking down at you, his obsession and possessiveness bleeding from his stare.

His lips parted as you kneeled down in front of him. A pool of arousal coating your panties. Staring back up at him as your delicately pull off the towel around his waist. You awed at the way his hardness slapped against his stomach.

"Go on, apologize." He ordered, voice laced with need. You felt his gaze burning against you as you nodded. You slowly traced his cock with your finger, a breathy moan leaving his soft lips. Wrapping your fingers around his cock, slowly stroking him.

His jealousy and possession relieving his body, you were the one on your knees for him. No other man could take that from him.

He tilted his head back as your hot tongue slid across the tip of his cock. Experimentally licking off the precum before running it under the tip. Your hand still stroking his length, looking up at him for a reaction. The way his lips parted encouraging you to run your tongue along his length, "More."

You took his length into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you took his cock deeper into your mouth. You slid your free hand under your dress, between your legs.

Coriolanus' voice laced with mockery. "Not a slut, huh? Look at your taking my cock in your mouth."

He thrusted his hips, cock bullying the back of your throat. You gagged as he slammed into the back of his throat. Saliva spilling from the corners of your mouth.

"Mouth so full you can't even speak." He mocked, pulling the hair out of your face. A sense of accomplishment bubbling in him as he watched your eyes roll back, bubbles of spit spilling down your chin. "I think I like you better this way."

Your nails scratched at his thighs, taking the cock that he pounded into your throat. Tears staining your cheeks, his thumbing coming to wipe them away. Smearing them down your flushed cheeks.

"Fuck-- That's it." A moan rippling from his throat, echoing into the room. His hand pushed your face flush against his pelvic bone.

The way your hot tongue slid under the protruding vein under his cock making him gasp. His cock slid in and out of your warm mouth with ease, abusing your throat.

He bit back his moans, narrowing his eyes down at your. Your eyes were clenched shut avoiding his gaze. His fingers threaded into your hair, tugging you off his cock.

"Get on the bed." He ordered, an ache in his voice. You gasped for air, voice raspy from the abuse. You nodded, climbing your way onto the bed. His hands pinned you onto the mattress, tugging at the straps of your dress. "Take off this fucking dress."

His demand made your thighs clench, an ache between your legs you needed him to cure. You helped pull down the straps, his large hands tugging the dress off your body. Your breasts spilled from the dress, bouncing as he freed them.

Coriolanus' breath hitches, his eyes glued to the sight of your bare body. His fingers run lightly over your nipples before cupping one in his palm. He leans down to capture your nipple between his teeth. His free slowly sliding you panties down your legs revealing your slick cunt.

"This all for me?" He teases, looking up at you from your breasts. His fingers sliding through your wet folds. You nodded, chest rising and falling in desperation and anticipation.

"Yes-- yes, all yours." You nodded eagerly, silently begging for him to touch you where you needed it. He leaned down, pressing wet kissed into your collarbone, teeth graving the pendent that hung from your neck. His thumb sliding to your clit, gasping slightly at the sensation.

He looked up at you, a teasing glint in his eyes. His thumb rubbing your clit in frustratingly slow circles. "Look at you, wet enough for me to take you now."

"Please--"

He cut you off immediately, "No, I'm taking my time with you."

You gasp as his middle finger slipped in. A soft moan leaving your lips as he slowly slid his finger out and back in. You rolled your hips, begging for more. His fingers curling to brush your g-spot.

"Oh god--" Coriolanus cuts you off with a searing kiss, hungry and passionate. Kissing you with his whole body, tongue sliding against yours.

He slipped another finger inside your drooling entrance, his palm rubbing against his clit. The sound of your lips colliding and fingers invading your slick filling the room. He kissed along your jaw, down your neck. His lips dragging down your body, slowly dragging closer to where you needed him most.

Your eyes widen, watching him crawl between yours legs. His tongue replacing his fingers. "Coriolanus--"

He moaned into your gushing cunt, sliding his cunt along your drooling entrance. His lips wrapped around your clit, teeth crazing it. He pulled your thighs apart were his strong arms as you writhed under his body.

"Ohh-- Coryo." His mouth sucking and exploring your slick folds as you whined out for him. Your body writhing under his firm grip. Tongue exploring your wet cunt. "I'm gonna cum-- please."

He pulled from in between your thighs, his fingers pushing back inside you again. Your slick covered his mouth, reflecting in the light. "Cum for me."

His fingers curl inside you, thrusting back inside you with force. Your voice cracks as you moan his name, hips struggling against his grip as you reach your peak. Your cum coating his long thick fingers. His fingers pull you through your orgasm, your voice begging him to wait.

Coriolanus' mouth is relentless, his tongue flicking and lapping at your clit as his fingers continue to thrust in and out of you. You gasp, your body trembling with the force of the pleasure building within you again.

Your fingers thread in his hair, attempting to pull him off of your aching cunt. His mouth closes over your sensitive nub once more as his fingers begin to move faster inside of you. His hand gripping your thigh as he takes what he wants.

His fingers curl into a 'C' shape, begging you to cum around them just once more time. You writhe under him in overstimulation, hips trying to drag themselves away from him.

You cry out as your juices coat his fingers once again, tears streaming down your cheeks in overstimulation but Coriolanus didn't care.

"N-need your cock..." You breathe out as he pulls himself from between your thighs. You push his hair out of his face, your slick coating the bottom half of his face. His lips were swollen and wet, breathing heavy as he crawled back up your body.

His cock presses against your entrance as Coriolanus leans back down to brush his lips against yours. His lips interlocking with yours, juices smearing against your lips. His tongue intrudes your mouth, your taste invading your mouth. You moan into the kiss, nails digging into his shoulders.

“I want you.”

“You have me.” Coriolanus mumbled against your lips, teeth grazing your jaw line. He pulled your thighs around his waist, cock pressing against your entrance. “You gonna take me?”

You nodded, eagerly.

He pressed his lips against yours to swallow any of your moans as his tip stretched past your entrance. Your nails clawing at his skin, trying your hardest to adjust to the stretch.

Inch by inch, his power took over you. He possessed your body and soul. His cock breached the sacred part of you that only he had access to.

Your nails left crescent shaped indents into his soft pale skin, earning a groan from in return. The stretch burned, no matter how aggressively he had taken you before, the stretch was always there.

“Coriolanus—“ You gasp as he bottoms out, trying to move your hips for friction.

“You can say it, it’s just us.” He mumbles into your flushed skin, his hands digging into your hips. His breathing was heavy and sharp, begging for you to ask him to move.

You were quick to correct yourself, “Coryo.”

You felt a weird sense of care, him nuzzling into your neck, patiently waiting. Coriolanus was an aggressive, impatient, frustrated man. He pulled away from your neck, he pinned you with his gaze. Looking down at you with vulnerability and need.

You whisper, barely loud enough. “Coryo, move please.”

You felt him pull out slightly, pushing back in, a moan escaping your lips. He felt himself falter, a gentleness slipping through. In response he thrusted back in harder, punishing.

His hands pushing your knees to your chest, bending you in half. Your eyes rolled back at the new position, his cock reaching deeper inside of you. You looked down to watch as his cock slid in and out of you, slamming back in with force.

“Too—“ You moan, unable to get your words out. You close your eyes, hearing a laugh above you.

“Too much?” He questioned, you nod in response. In return he speeds up his thrusts, bullying your insides. “Better?”

You gasp, moaning out incoherent sentences. Your nails scratch deep red marks into his snow white skin. Decorating his usual pure appearance.

His voice demanding as he seizes your chin, tilting you to look into his eyes. “Look at me.”

Your jaw falls open, silent moans all that comes out. The loud slapping of skin filling the opulent room. Your body engulfed in his plush bedding.

“Look away and I stop.”

Your eyes widen, wrapping your legs around his torso. Pleas leaving your kiss-swollen lips.

“D-don’t— Coryo, don’t stop.” You beg, your cunt practically sucking him back in. You scratch at his skin, pulling him closer to you. The wire inside you slowly pulling tighter.

“Then look me in the eyes while I fuck you.” He orders, his cock bullying your inside. You nod, mouth open to let out your needy moans.

His hand wrapped around throat, slightly adding enough pressure to make your cunt squeeze around him. A groan leaving his lips as you arch your back, cunt squeezing him tight.

“You like that?” He whispers, pressing harder against your throat. The way his long fingers squeezed around your neck, your mouth opening to let out a sultry moan. “Such a slut you’d let me choke you.”

”For you,” You squeaked out, a moan following just after. He panted, holding back his own moans not willing to submit. His hand slowly releasing you, in return you gasp for air. He pushes your legs further into your chest, finger tips bruising your skin.

He disobeyed his own demand, closing his eyes breaking your eye contact. His thrusts were unfaltering, balls slapping against your ass.

A low moan escaping his parted lips, squeezing your legs trying to hold back his own pleasure. He lets go, hand travelling down to your clit. His thumb rubbed your sensitive nub causing you to cry out his name.

His other hand pushed down on the bulge that protruded from your stomach. You gasp in return, a throaty moan following just after it. You cry out as you cum around his relentless cock unannounced, something you were sure he’d punish you for later.

He squinted, stilling rubbing your clit as he continuously fucked you through your orgasm. Your body writhed under his as your sensitivity increased.

“You want my cum?” He asked, fucking into you deeper than before. You opened your mouth but no words came out, only your moans. “What? Have I fucked you silent?”

You nodded, taking his cock further. Your back arched off the bed, sweaty chest pressing into his. His hands travelled up to your nipples, pinching them in between his fingers.

“Look at you, all cock drunk practically begging for more.” He taunts, ignoring his own impending orgasm. He wanted you claimed, full of his seed.

Your cunt clenched around him, relishing in the deep moan he let out in response. An unexpected whimper following at he tried to hide with a groan.

His hot breath fanned against your neck, hiding his face as the wire inside of him snapped. His seed filling your needy cunt. He panted into your neck, still grinding his cock against you.

“Coryo—“ Your voice was raspy, he hummed against your skin. His hands rubbed your sweat coated skin, soothing you from your overwhelming sensitivity.

“Yes?”

“Do you love me?”

"Why do you think I stay away from you, ignore you?" Coriolanus questioned, his words carrying a weight of contemplation.

Your response carried a mixture of frustration and vulnerability, "I don't know, Coriolanus. You keep me at arm's length, and I can't decipher whether it's indifference, strategy, or something else entirely."

You were still short of breath, legs wrapped around his torso keeping him skin to skin with yours.

Coriolanus, breaking the tense silence, confessed, "I'm obsessed with you."

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tarothouselattier · 9 months

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What’s arising for you this Venus retrograde in Leo pick a card

Your expirience + advice from your Barbie as a spirit guide.

Pile 1: Barbie as Rapunzel

your experience this Venus rx

I think you are focusing on some sort of plan you have. You've turned your big dreams into practical plans that you dreamed to nurture and to bring into life and you were so excited. It was so shiny and new and you really put the venture on a pedestal in your mind so much so that it has now become a burden to you. These dreams don’t keep you warm at night, they keep you up instead and you're tired. You put so much pressure onto yourself to achieve this. The fact that maybe it's not coming into fruition is tied like a rope around your neck. You are in over your head with the things that you want to create so much that the thought is now controlling you, and you are now afraid of what you used to love.

I also see that this kind of thinking keeps you stuck in a loop and you're frustrated. You’re tired, you are paralysed with fear and you feel like you can’t do what you love because it’s kind of turned against you and you are sitting here sulking, looking at what other people have. Because at this moment your thing isn't working out you're saying "oh, I can’t have this, I can’t have that", so you find yourself in your tower away from the world. You're saying with what you have, but you don’t like what you have, and you are sitting there looking at other people's experiences, feeling left out in the cold and like you can’t have what you want.

The only one who is keeping your bag away, weather that bag is monetary or your bag of dreams and desires that you want to bring into life is YOU! You’re in over your head. And now you feel like you can’t have it because you're not participating in your own life to the fullest extent. By watching other people you kind of part your power with them (and I can't say that you're sharing power (like a person who thinks there is only one way to use words and you can't brake the mold whenever you please), because you are not doing it willingly). Don't watch other people, wishing it was you. And what is even graver is living vicariously throught other people. If you think watching videos of people living your dreams, watching them do/make things you want to make without taking action yourself will miraculously satisfy your desire to do this thing, honey, YOU'VE GOT A BIG STORM COMING.

It’s like you’re protecting something no person has taken away from you.

What you need to realise is that you are the only one who can just shift your perspective. And to tell you how SERIOUS I am about you shifting your perspective, listen to this.This is my pile as well, and that means your pile gets THE MOST from me. Why? Because I've done this reading 3 days before coming back to edit this text, and this whole lot of time helped me gain perspective. I literally channeled this much information and needed days to fully realise what this reading is about. I've literally come back to the cards and with my new-found expirience of 3 days and because of that I now see another message I can give you. I understand you better and your message, because I understand myself better. You just need to shit your perspective on evrything going on around you. You can still do all these things, they’re not going anywhere. It’s not about the things it’s about your attitude.

let’s take a really basic every day thing as an example. You do the dishes. They’re still gonna be the dishes, they’re still gonna be dirty. They aren’t going anywhere, they’re sitting there and they are needing to be done regardless of what you feel, right? So you can either be happy in yourself and have a positive attitude and wash the dishes with that happy attitude and do those dishes in a breeze. You enjoy it not because you're washing dishes but because you are enjoying life and you have joy inside of you. And on the other hand, you can be all sulky, bitter, angry and frustrated because nothing you what you want to do seems to be getting you anything you hoped it would. Now you're angry at the dishes while you're doing the dishes. But they are still the same dishes that would not be bothering you if you would jsut calm down and realise that what you need and what you lack is not physical accomplishments and money, but love.

You’re in over your head.

Advice from your Barbie guide: Rapunzel

Her archetype also came through in the cards, look:

The truth always comes out.

Just felt enclined to say that. Now that I have watched the movie, I remember that the truth plays a big part in the point of Rapunzel's story.

You may think that you are fighting an internal battle and you’re losing and like you’re spinning on a spinning wheel of life and nothing seems to be going in your favour. Maybe you’re just so used to external forces being against you. You’re so used to fighting with everybody, and even if there’s no one to fight you’re still doing it. Don't you get tired my love? isn’t like the whole point of fighting people is that you don’t wanna fight? You just want to happily live your life without interference from stupid people. zyou probably had to fend for yourself a lot when you were younger. Fight for your place and prove to people that you deserve to be as happy and well-off in live as you are. That you deserve to live your dreams easily and have fun just like that. People are jelous because they believe nothing in life comes easy and of course they're never satisfied. And when they see you just enjoy life and have fun, recieve anything you ask for and more within a blink of an eye they start to have you. They want to have it in life like you do, but they don't undestand your ease. They believe that it's impossible to live life from a state of hope, trust and ease. They believe everything is hard.

You don’t want anyone to tell you what to do, how to be. you don’t want anyone to be the story-teller of your own life. You are clinging to the idea that you’re lost, but the real thing is that you’re actually living in the big picture, okay?

Realise that you’re living in literal Cosmos and life is so much more generous than what it is you think in your head, it is so much more expancive and kind. The wheel of life is always turning. You never know what happens tomorrow, but you do know that you have your passion and your drive and you need to move. Forget everybody who may say something shit about you. You have your passion, you have your drive, the truth always comes out. You're good to go right at this moment.

Complain with me, let it out. It’s foggy up in the head but we gotta blaze our own way out with fire and magic like the Knight of wands that is coming through for us🔥🫡

Your Barbie‘s quote of advice from my self-made “Pinterest quotes” deck:

“STOP LETTING YOUR POTENTIAL GO TO WASTE BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL READY ENOUGH”

Literally pulled this card for myself TWICE before doing your reading.

If you chose pile 3 in my previous pick a card “What you need to say YES to instead of the usual NO” and you’re seeing this now, it just proves we’re in the same boat. It just proves that your dream is your kifeline and you're not delusional, I promise you. I feel like I’m checking up on my friends and this is how your things are going after the last time we talked.

PILE 2. Barbie and the Enchanted Garden(it’s a book) Barbie Lily

You are my magical, light, fairy-tail creatures!

Castles crumbled, you were left dissapointed. You're picking up the pieces now willingly and like it's fine, you're on your own. You're making up with someone but you're in this process on your own. Not making up with the physical person, but with their..spirit..more like the mental image of them in your head. It's like "it didn't work out, that's fine. I'm just picking myself up, forgiving and moving forward" But I feel like you're really snarky while doing so lol.

"Go and tell your friends that I'm crazy and obsessive, that's fine!"

It's like "ókay, I've got one less problem without you.(I'm really breaking into song here. Do you do that?) oh, you're leaving? Wheh, 'kay, I was tired because of you you anyway" I'm crying you're so sassy. I thought you were all love'n'light at first.

There was a person involved. I feel it stronglyyy. But there is literally no direct indication of that in the cards. "Out of sight out of mind bitch" lmao.

I feel like it's really time for you to revaluate the self. Really pick YOURSELF up.

Pile 2, I’m on a roll with you.

I am tuning into your energy literally the next day and you have already changed your perspective and see this situation and person clearly.

You’ve taken a loss and you have done so gracefully. I am sensing this is definitely because a person let you down. This could either be your ex romantic partner, your business partner, or they are one in the same. Either way, fuck them .

I heard “I’m taking the dog, you bastard!!😠” and I kid you not, seconds later this card came out WITH THE DOG.

I thought it was more of a figurative situation to represent your power in the fight with this man. I can’t even say person. I would give you my left arm(left-handed) because I bet this is a man. If you are battling with this person and they literally have your dog, go get your dog mama!!!!!

You don’t need no coins from this person, you don’t need their money. You just get your “dog” back, get your power back!!! Kick him out of your life. You are on your own business, on your hot girl shit, on your plans, you’re assessing your own life situation. You’re so much better off without them. You see them clearly now. Gone are the chains that bound you to this person, you’re setting yourself free. Fuck shit up!!! I feel like cursing in this reading, I feel you are passionately mad. You have been disrespected by this bitch-ass man. But you see right through their schemes and their bullshit. You are withdrawing your energy, you’re having none of it!!! God I love reading tarot. AND I LOVE THIS FOR YOU. YES. BE FURIOUS. Channel your devine rage into building the life of your dreams. Fill yourself with meaning. You are no mother, no bride, you are KING. Your power is yours, and ain’t nobody taking it from you.

It’s the feeling of when someone gaslights you all the time, and there comes a point when you’ve had enough of their bullshit(you can feel the’re bullshitting you), realise your own power, step away and then see how much of a PATHETIC WORM that person is.

ADVICE FROM YOUR BARBIE GUIDE: LILY(Barbie and the Enchanted Garden)

Disappear off the face of the Earth.

I think what she means by this is become completely unavailable to that person and ANYONE who is not serving your highest good for that matter. Trust me, this is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself.

Redefine yourself entirely and do it FOR yourself. You can do that by answering your inner call.

“You guys, your real strength comes from being the best you you can be, so who are you? What are you good at? What do you love? What makes you YOU!?” - Po in Panda King Fu 3. Kung * I decided to leave the autocorrect part because KING is very fitting for you. Maybe watch that training clip if you want. It’s when Po is training the Pandas to defend the village. You don’t have to be someone else in order to achieve your goals. You are not part of that person you left behind. You are not intertwined or attached at the hip, you never have been. Discover and nurture your inner power. You’re on your own now. You’re actually stronger on your own! Because you don’t have to split yourself apart for others and live with your cup half-full all the time.

“She’s beautiful 🥹” you’re going off on your own now, something you have been afraid off. This is the death of life as you once new it and your big entrance into the life you always dreamed of and deep down always knew you were meant for. You are meant for MORE in this life!!!! Just like you’ve always felt. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with believing in yourself. You cut the cords with that person and in doing so you cut the cord to your old life, that you once believed would be all that you could have. I feel spirit, your guides being just so incredibly proud of you. The energy of “that’s my beautiful girl🥹🥰👍🔥 YOU GO HONEY!!!!!!! ayyyyy”

“And if I fall - they got me” - the song I can’t live without (haven’t heard it in a long-ass time😂) CAN’T HOLD US - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.

I’m so fucking hype right now, this song is PERFECT FOR YOU!!!!! And me. I’m going through the same shit, high-five Queen ✋😂

Please feel free to text me, send a message in my ask box or a dm, ‘cause I feel this hype energy so strongly right now, I want to know what is happening for you at this moment sister!!!

You are NOT a care-giver to everyone around you! They are responsible for their own shit, and if they are an irresponsible crybaby who never takes accountability then that’s their own.fucking.problem. You take that responsibility and accountability like a KING. And that’s all you need to know.😌 Don’t waste your emotions and energy and your love on someone who gives you NOTHING!!!! Stop overflowing that cup. What have they ever done for you, huh??? They didn’t ever pour into you and never held space for all that beautiful love that you spilled for them willingly. It’s like this: YOU BOUGHT THE TABLE, YOU BROUGHT THE CUP, YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE SELF INTO IT AND THEY JUST SAT THERE AND STARED AT IT. AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO MESS UP THE TABLECLOTH SO IT ALL SPILLED OVER AND THEY MADE A MESS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LOVE.

NAH-AH BITCH. KICK THEM OUT THE TABLE!!! YOU DID THAT!?!???? GOOD. EXACTLY AS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰 Spirit is really so proud of you and they applaud you for your strength and resilience and your love and power. NOW GO GET YOUR LIFE BECAUSE SPIRIT WANTS TO POUR WATERFALLS AND OCEANS OF LOVE AND ABUNDANCE ONTO YOU ASAP QUEEN🥰🥰🥰😂😂😂

PILE 3. Barbie & the magic of Pegasus

“I won’t rest till I’m in hell”. You have a personal “vendetta” against rest.

“Low-born” heard this multiple times while shuffling for your pile.

Let me give you a song.

“Angel” - Halle.

“Witch blood”

Paint it. Red.

Cut ties. But you won’t let this go.

These messages and energy are intense to a fault.

“Remember me for centuries” - Fall out boy.

God I love my job - me to myself while doing this reading.

Is there like a family situation? Greed? Expectations. Having to hold up family traditions that are EXTREMELY intimidating and harmful.

You just want to live a happy life on your own terms, but your hell of a family won’t let you. They corner you and your love wherever you go. Just when you think you escaped out of their clutches - boom, clap. You’re in their clasp. You don’t see a way out. Don’t exchange money for love or love for money. Those things aren’t in the same lane.

You have to choose love in your life. Cut trough this hell like a sword. “Wounds will heal, time will not.” - I think what this is referring to is that if you cut ties now you WILL hurt. BUT it WILL heal. What won’t heal is the time you’d be wasting by not cutting off those merciless gnomes(?): your family, friends, whoever or whatever it is. I don’t care. You MUST.

You won’t find what you’re looking for in greed and piles of money. What are you good at? Use it.

There is no expansion or generosity in greed. You will lose your family. You will lose everything. EVERYTHING YOU DON’T NEED. Everything that is not your soul’s to carry. This is divinely guided. You KNOW what you must do!

Once you were a hope for a dynasty. You will feel this immense loss of expectation buried in your chest.

There is nothing wrong with being who you are.

If you don’t cut your family off, or end and slash through whatever it is you must end, you will just become a frozen statue, a stone figure in the merciless house of your choosing.

Yes, YOUR choosing. If your choice will be not to walk away.

Wow. I am channeling like CRAZY today.

Go through with it. Or you will be just like the rest of those.

“Time will heal, but this won’t.” - time will pass, and so you might think that becoming complacent and conforming will save you. But make no mistake: you will spend THE REST of your life with this wound in your chest.

“You can make it different. You can make it right. You can make it better. You don’t have to fight”

A lot of generational trauma and karmic density is what I’m getting with your pile.

GOD NO WONDER PRINCESS ANIKA IS YOUR GUIDE BRO I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP. WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE ISTG. THIS IS INSAAANE.

Break the chains- reap the benefits. Take! the last stand!

There is always hope to shine the light on the darkest of winters.

“Now I reap the benefits with no congregation.” - Doja Cat in “Attention”.

ADVICE FROM PRINCESS ANIKA

DON’T LET THEM RULE YOUR WORLD.

CUT THROUGH THE NIGHT.

You ARE the Empress of your own world.

You are more than this world could ever imagine. You’re running out of time. Don’t let it pass you. Your time is NOW.

SHINE NOW.

UUUUUUHHGHHHHRRGHHHH.

You sit in the debris and wonder if it’s time.

- YES, it is TIME. What you’re reaching for is also reaching for you. The nine of pentacles. It is your birthright. seize your power.

“Woke up this morning - I feel so f*cking important. I looked in the mirror - I’m different. I finally made a decision.

All the rejected that lost a lack of respect in

Themselves 'cause people get hectic

They hurt you and make you feel helpless

They're not brave like you

They're too scared to do

Anything that's different

Anything that new

I don't need lessons

I do what I want, it's refreshing

As soon as you taste independence

You start living life in the present”

YONAKA - “SEIZE THE POWER”

BOMB SONG. Recommend. Will BLOW yow mtf mind. Idk why, but I felt such a need not to swear in this reading, but now I feel the need to say mtfucking. Feels so important. Like breaking free😁

You look down and see all that your family has done to you. stop looking down and cut your own head off if that’s what you must do to live.(with loving intention). Do you have everything you need? YES.

You have YOU. You, separately. you as in you personally. You own yourself. You alone get to define yourself you own your power. You are power, they are nothing. YOU want to Break free. Once you do, you realise you are everything you need. Once you claim your power and wield it like the Knight, Queen and Empress that you ARE, you realise they NEVER had ANY power over you. You just refused to wield your own power for fear of judgement. Of hurting them. They are the ones who hurt ppl. Not you. Them.

Their forces COMBINED don’t stand a singular chance against the sheer power that you alone yield.

Nothing. Period.

Wow, pile 3. I am speechless. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEXT ME. Send an ask, a dm. I want to talk to the divine royalty that you are.

May the Gods bless you🙏

Now may you go in peace and fight with what is yours to wield. I’ll be waiting.

THE MOST POWERFUL MESSAGE I’VE DONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE HOLY SHIT GUYS.

I hope you enjoy.

I feel this pile deep within my bones.

We are royalty, pile 3. I know in my heart this pile is meant for me, but I’m so afraid to admit it. But I’m doing it anyway. I’m facing this fear that I stand up to and say: NO MORE! I feel like this is what we do. Say no to this with me.

Shine bright like the Star in the night. You are. You are. We are STARS. And stars are made to shine. That is their nature. No more hiding our true nature, my dear soulfamily.

GOD PILE 3 ALWAYS ROCKS MY FUCKING WORLD.

Goodnight.

#free tarot readings #pick a card #tarot community #tarot pick a pile #tarothouselattier #pac #pick a pile #tarot #barbie #venus retrograde #venus rx in leo #tarothouselattierpost #angel number 1111 #1114 #1121 #1122

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blackpilljesus · 5 months

Text

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

#i will update this with a shorter version later #female separatism #female separatist #radical feminism #radical feminist #blackpill feminism #feminism #blackpill feminist #wineauntmovement #feminist #single life is the best life #single life #wine aunt #childfree

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hee0soo · 10 months

Text

Home

Summary: The members get a break and everyone is going home! Everyone?

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

March 2019

Watching the members run around the dorm like headless chickens was one of the funniest things Heeyoung had seen in a while. The company had given them a week to travel home and enjoy time with their families and now 8 out of 9 members had started packing way too late!

The girl should have known that the probability of the boys starting to pack a few days ahead was zero to none and she was right!

Why she wasn´t packing her own bag? Heeyoung didn´t like to go home!

Her parents lived in Seoul, so if technically she already was home and as far as she knew her parents were currently not even in the country. And staying with her older brother was not an option to her!

That left her as the only member not packing in a hurry. Instead, she was sitting at the kitchen counter with some cut up vegetables to watch the chaos that was Ateez!

“Noona just because you already packed, doesn´t mean that you can´t help us!”

Mingi whined as he rushed from the living room towards his own room.

Oh yeah, none of them knew that she was going to stay back! Heeyoung wasn´t hiding it, it was more that none of them asked if she was going to see her family.

“Ah Mingi-ah, where would be the fun in that huh?” she answered and bit into a piece of sliced up cucumber.

Hongjoong made a face of disgust at the offending food item before hurrying of with his laptop.

Heeyoung could hear the grumble of her fellow Matz member about how she was going to turn into a rabbit, if she kept eating the veggies!

“It wouldn´t hurt if you tried it too every now and then, you know!”

“Never!”

The leader hurried back, having forgotten the charger, which was still lying on the dinner table.

“Hwa, Sannie and Yunho are going to get picked up in an hour. Mingi and Jongho tomorrow morning and Wooyoung is going to visit Yeosangies family before driving to his parents! I won´t go home until all of you are safe inside a company car or from your families so spill my lovely Heeyoungie, when are you getting picked up?”

The girl took another piece of vegetable and watched as Hongjoong pulled another face.

“I´m not getting picked up.” She stated after having gulped down her food.

“So the manager is driving you home?”

The raised eyebrow of her fellow 98-liner told Heeyoung that apparently he still hadn´t caught on.

*Boys!* she thought and rolled her eyes a little.

“I´m not going home Joong-ah. I´m staying here and enjoying my alone time for a bit.”

With those words, the girl got up from her seat and went to clean up her snack bowl.

Hongjoong was frozen to the spot, blinking rapidly at his best friend.

“Come again?”

With a sigh the girl repeated her words.

“I´m staying here. My parents are somewhere in France and I really don´t want to spend my time in a house I’m not welcome in! So I’m not going!”

He could respect that. If Hongjoong were in his fellow rappers position, he too would choose to stay behind in an empty dorm rather than in a big lonely house where she would only be criticized!

For Heeyoung, the topic was over and done with as she walked past the still flabbergasted leader to go to her own room.

For Hongjoong however, the topic was definitely not over! He almost sprinted into his own shared room where Seonghwa was building a new Lego set on the floor! His bag and suit case already neatly placed by his nightstand.

“What´s got you in such frenzy?” The eldest asked, not taking his eyes away from his toy.

“Did you know that Hee-ah isn´t going home?”

Hongjoong picked up his phone from the desk, searching through his contacts.

“No, but I’m not surprised either. She doesn´t even call it home so why would she willingly go there?”

The leader grimaced.

He too should have known about Heeyoungs intention to stay back!

Finding the contact he was searching for, the boy called his mother.

“Hongjoongie, do you need your appa to pick you up already?”

“Eomma, no. I want to ask you something. One of the members is going to stay back in the dorm because their parents are out of country and I-“

“Of course you can bring them! Who is it?”

“Ah, it´s Heeyoung-ah!”

For a moment all he could was his own breathing before the woman on the other end of the line answered cheerfully!

Hongjoongs heart sang at the prospect of his first child being allowed to stay with him.

“Ah thank you eomma! I´ll text appa when we´re ready!”

“No need to thank me my baby. The members are just as much our family as they are yours! I´ll see you two tomorrow!”

Hanging up, the second oldest marched right out of his room into Heeyoung´s.

The girl was spread out on her bed, while watching something on her phone.

“Pack your bags; you are not staying here alone!”

He said, hands on his hips and waiting until the female rapper moved to start packing.

Heeyoung was slowly getting annoyed with the boy.

“I told you, I’m not going to that place!”

“I know you´re not! Because you´re coming with me instead! That is not up for discussion. Eomma already knows you´re coming so get to it! Now!”

Heeyoung tried to argue but seeing as Hongjoong had his, I´m-the-captain-look on she knew it was a lost cause.

The next day, HongYoung was getting picked up in the evening after the rest of the boys had cleared out.

Wooyoung had pressed a chaste kiss to his Noona´s cheek, causing her to grimace and scramble to get away from the affection of the younger before following Yeosang out the door.

The drive was short. Annyang wasn´t far from Seoul, only about a half an hour drive and Heeyoung listened to Hongjoong talking to his father.

It almost gave her whiplash, how fast he turned, from leader to youngest son in the span of 2 seconds!

In the evening, after Hongjoong´s mother had threatened her son with her slipper to hand over his laptop and actually rest for the time of their stay, the two rappers had settled down in Hongjoongs childhood room.

He had insisted on the girl taking the bed and him taking the floor, resulting in an argument which had the Kim parents remember the times when their sons were still children.

Amused by the bickering, they watched as their youngest sons temper flared a little, pulling the captain card when he realized that Heeyoung wouldn´t relent otherwise!

The older woman had to hide a snort as she saw Heeyoung stuck out her tongue at Hongjoong when he turned his back to her and every bit of doubt about a girl and boy sharing the same room flew out of the window.

Heeyoung wasn´t a future daughter in law she had to worry about, more like the sister Hongjoong never got to have…

With the girl tucked under her blanket and Hongjoong under his, the light was dimmed and silence fell over the room.

The girl could hear her leaders breathing even out, indicating that he had already fallen asleep.

She sighed softly as her insomnia made it hard to fall asleep. If she had been at the dorm, Heeyoung would have just gotten up and watched some TV in the living room, but this wasn´t the dorm!

Not wanting to disturb the boys sleep, Heeyoung decided to get up and leave the room altogether. If she was going to stay up all night, she was going to do it on her own condition!

And that´s how she found herself on the little balcony of the Kim Household!

Her phone was playing a soothing tune and gazing into the stars, she enjoyed the calm serenity of the night.

The night was silent. Something Heeyoung wasn´t used to after having lived in the busy city of Seoul practically all her life! The only noise she could hear was the rustling of a bush a little further into the garden.

A little orange kitten was making its way through the garden, past the flowerbeds Hongjoongs mother had grown there and towards the female rapper.

Meowing at her to give the small animal some attention, Heeyoung bent down to pet it as it came closer, only to jump onto her lap and purr the night away.

Surprised by the sudden affection but not unhappy, the girl relented and let the cat nap on her.

She was sure that it wasn´t a stray, as the feline looked healthy and fed so it probably was a neighbors cat that had gone on a little adventure of his own.

Heeyoung let her mind wander, thinking about the day and how warmly her leader’s parents had greeted her and invited her into their home!

Never once in her life, had she seen her own parents show that kind of warmth.

They were never there and the girl and her older brother had been raised by nannies most of the time! And if they were there, they only ever cared about the golden child. And that was not her!

Did she miss it growing up? Yes and no!

You can´t miss something you never got, but Heeyoung did see the way the other parents acted around their children and it made the girl wonder why it was so different for her and her brother.

Why couldn´t her parents act like that?

The soft stroking of her hand, paired with the gentle music still playing, was slowly lulling her into a trance which was only broken by the door being opened from the inside.

It was Sang-mi, Hongjoongs mother, wrapped in a sleeping robe, checking for the source of the music!

“Oh sweetheart, what are you still doing awake? It´s almost 1 in the morning?”

The woman asked, sounding a little worried.

Heeyoung flinched at being addressed so suddenly and the cat on her lap threw the older woman a nasty look as if to say, “Why are you bothering us?”.

Whipping her head around to look at the woman who was obviously asleep not too long ago, Heeyoung bowed as best as she could without disturbing the cat any further.

“Sang-mi-ssi, I’m sorry! Did I wake you? I can stop the music if it´s too loud?”

“Don´t be ridiculous dear and please it´s eomeoni for you!”

Sang-mi sat down in the other chair next to her.

“And now tell me what´s on that beautiful mind of yours. Joong-ah mentioned you have trouble sleeping sometimes, is that it?”

The worry in her tone was still audible and Heeyoung felt bad.

“I´m used to it, please don´t worry about me eomeoni! I was just thinking and enjoying the quiet. That´s hard to do with a dorm filled with boys…”

Heeyoung looked at the cat, scratching behind its ear.

Sang-mi´s eyes fell on the feline as well. She hummed in understanding.

“You know, Hongjoong speaks very highly of you. Always has ever since he wanted you to join him as a trainee! And I think, whatever he saw in you, was only a small fraction of what´s hiding behind all those walls you have built around yourself!”

Not knowing what to say, Heeyoung just looked at the other woman who saw her silence as invitation to continue talking.

“I don´t know why you wanted to stay back in the dorm. I’m guessing it´s not just because your parents aren’t home but I want you to know that, if you want, you can join my son anytime when he visits us. You´ll always have a place here if you need it okay sweetheart?”

Heeyoung could feel herself tearing up. Not enough to outright cry, but enough to have her eyes glaze over.

The softness of Sang-mi offering her home to her, made the girl want to curl into the warmth she radiated!

“Home was never with my parents. Not even when I was still a trainee at Pledis, and for a long time I just thought I didn´t have one. I had a place where I lived but not… a home…”

“And now?”

“Now? The boys are home to me… the dorm is because that´s where the boys are and even when they´re gone, the dorm still feels like it…”

“Home isn´t a place to most people! It´s where your loved ones are!”

The girl could only nod.

It made sense!

The members had been the only thing keeping her upright at times and throughout all the struggles and fear they had gone through before their debut, it had always been 9 makes one team and nothing less!

The rain of thought got cut short as a yawn threatened to overcome Heeyoung.

“I think it´s time for you to go to bed now too. Don´t want to have my boy having a heart attack because you suddenly vanished into thin air.”

With these words Sang-mi got up and went inside, only stopping to turn and say one more thing before vanishing behind the door.

“By the way Heeyoung-ah, this cat you’re holding, hates every one! You’re the first person I know he´s that cuddly with!”

The cat blinked sleepily at Heeyoung and as if he knew that she would be getting up now, it jumped down and trotted back into the dark.

Heeyoung had to gather her thoughts before she too, went inside.

In Hongjoongs room, the leader was peacefully snoring without a care in the world!

The talking with his mother had stirred something inside of her, something that didn´t want to sleep alone in the bed and that´s how the girl found herself kneeling down next to her same aged friend, shaking him ever so slightly awake.

It was like he had a sensor for when he was needed because the boy could probably sleep through an earthquake if he wanted to, but his leader sense made him wake up anytime one of the members needed something!

A little grumpy but none the less awake enough to comprehend he was being talked to, he voiced out a rough, “What?”, while trying to open his eyes.

“Can I sleep with you?”

The request paired with how tiny the girl sounded and looked made him soft and without further ado he lifted the blanket he had been wrapped in, to let her crawl under it.

It was like having a giant clingy teddy bear attached to his front and Hongjoong, skinship hater number 1, wouldn´t have it any other way!

Taglist: @andjeoidjavo @sunghoonieee @stopeatread @neohyxn

#ateez #ateez 9th member #9th member of ateez #kpop added member #kpop addition #kpop au #kpop extra member #ateez addition #ateez added member #ateez female member #ateez female addition

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spiriteddreams · 1 year

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he wishes he could be selfish for once. ft gojo satoru! cw: angst, shibuya arc spoilers near the end

gojo satoru thinks that to love him is to lose. it is to give up your dreams and leave behind a glowing path to instead venture with him towards despair. he leaves pain in his wake, full of memories that cling to his shadow and whisper in his ear. they refuse to back down, refuse to be forgotten as they dig shadowed claws into his shoulders. but he so desperately wants to be selfish. he wants to indulge in sweet moments and forget about the world and pretend that loss isn't the only thing that he's really known.

he keeps himself at a distance. never too close, but never too far. that way, he can look over those that he cares about without ever putting them into too much danger or accidentally burdening them with the weight that has been placed on his shoulders since the day he was born. he willingly puts on his facade with each waking day and pretends that there is no need for anyone else to have to worry about anything. he reminds himself that he is gojo satoru, the holder of the six eyes, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in the world, so, by default, he can and will be able to solve every problem that comes his way.

except that in the real world, things don't ever seem to work out this way. bad luck is an invisible curse, unable to been seen, heard, or even sensed. and it trails after him, lingering in his shadows and blanketing over him when he tries to sleep. satoru thinks that bad luck follows him around everywhere he goes, so the only next step to do to those he is close with, is to push them away.

push all those that he loves away from him so they are out of harm's way. funny how it doesn't work that way. because when you stumble into his life, quite literally, by running into him through the hallways of jujutsu tech when you're both first years, you knock him off his feet. it's one of the rare moments when satoru isn't keeping up his shielding and in the moments that he hits the floor and you're frantically apologizing and helping him up, he's in a daze. there's just something so bubbly and friendly about you that makes him want to pull you in close and never let go. you're too sweet for him, too warm and understanding that he thinks he could get addicted. and that scares him.

by the time you're both adults, with years of experience and trauma now haunting your memories, there is an undeniable distance that separates the two of you. it is made up of unsaid words and shared glances across the room, both too afraid, too unwilling to make the next move, to have the confrontation that could mean putting both of your lives in further danger.

because he is gojo satoru, the holder of the six eyes, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, a man who is so in love with you that it scares him because he knows that it would be selfish of him to put you in such a dangerous position. so he resigns to keeping himself at a distance, only indulging when the time allows. and when it does, he finds himself falling even harder, even faster. it makes him selfish and jealous, such ugly emotions that he pushes down the moment he notices them making an appearance.

so he throws himself into battle. and when sukuna chooses yuuji to be his vessel, satoru's world begins to fall apart. one after another, the world begins to crumble beneath his fingers and there's nothing he can do to stop the oncoming storm of misfortune.

on october 31 in shibuya, in a split second, gojo satoru thinks about where you are. he thinks you're fighting, and winning, against curses. he thinks you probably look beautiful with blood splattered across your clothes and a fire in your eyes that makes him so proud of you. he thinks you would scold him for the situation he has gotten himself in, shake your head and pretend that everything is okay as you promise to come back for him. he thinks you might cry for him, and he hates the thought. he's glad you're not here to watch him be sealed away because it would break his heart to see the expression on your face. and as darkness begins to envelop his vision, he thinks of you and the warmth you once gave him. he thinks of a crash in the middle of jujutsu tech and the warmth that flooded his skin. and in the darkness of being alone, he feels just a bit warmer.

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 a/n: wow where did this angst come from i was just writing al-haitham fluff and then switched to this LMAO

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo #spiriteddreams writing #spiriteddreams

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david-talks-sw · 9 months

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I was 17 when The Phantom Menace came out and was miffed by the Jedi’s reaction to Anakin because he missed his mother and was rightfully concerned her about her. In Attack of the Clones he’s a young adult who is having nightmares about her and as we follow along we learn that she met and a man and was freed. So why in the years she was free have the two not talked? She knew where he was. Then she dies and lastly we have Revenge of the Sith where he’s worried about his wife and child dying.

Now I did not then or now take Anakin as being greedy for wanting his loved ones to be safe. The Jedi come off as a closed off body considering they start training children at such a young age that they don’t know their families and they forbid contact or their members from loving someone. Attack of the Clones is a forbidden love story.

So for me the story is a family getting caught up in a religious war and it having dire consequences for them. Anakin was saved when Luke went against his teachers and tried to save his father proving beyond any doubt the Jedi were wrong.

Yoda even thinks the Jedi need to change at the end of the Revenge of the Sith novel.

(You're covering a lot of subjects, I won't go into detail on any of them because I already commented on them, I'll just link my other posts, you can click to see what backs up my argument or just take my word for it.)

I think you're free to have your own headcanon and/or interpretation of the films.

Fact remains though: you were 17 and the Prequels were made for 8 to 12-year olds.

Maybe it's because I saw it in Italian, maybe it's because I was like 5 or 6, but my takeaway of the Yoda telling Anakin that "fear is a path to the Dark Side"... was just that. That fear is a path to the Dark Side. I took it the same way others took the "do or do not" scene in ESB. Yoda didn't come across as particularly mean, and clearly isn't meant to come across that way either.

"[Shmi] met and a man and was freed. So why in the years she was free have the two not talked? She knew where he was. [The Jedi] forbid contact or their members from loving someone."

I never saw anyone outright forbid Anakin from seeing Shmi, in the movies. If we go by Canon, Dooku met his father and wasn't expelled, and in Legends, Adi Gallia speaks of her parents with reverence, as if she knew them.

Why have Anakin and Shmi not talked? Because Shmi is living with a farmer, she's made a new life for herself, and even if she wanted to, it'd be trying to get from Tatooine to the capital of the galaxy on a farmer's budget.

"Attack of the Clones is a forbidden love story."

Yes... but not exactly.

Love itself isn't forbidden. Love over duty is forbidden. It's not about not being allowed to be in a relationship, it's about being fully committed to whatever relationship you choose. In Anakin's case, he needs to choose between the Order and Padmé, and half-asses his commitment to both.

"Yoda even thinks the Jedi need to change at the end of the Revenge of the Sith novel."

Yeah... but not in the way you think.

The whole passage of that novel goes into how the Jedi were beaten because the Sith shifted the battlefield by going into politics, which the Jedi had no experience against. The Jedi were expecting an actual fight, instead they got checkmated by the very thing they were upholding.

The moral of that passage isn't "the Jedi were flawed because they didn't allow people to see their parents or because they didn't allow people to love" it's "had the Jedi been less politically-inept, they wouldn't have been blindsided."

"So for me the story is a family getting caught up in a religious war and it having dire consequences for them. Anakin was saved when Luke went against his teachers and tried to save his father proving beyond any doubt the Jedi were wrong."

Again: this is cool. More power to you.

But it's not the intended narrative.

Sure, Luke is proving them wrong in the sense that they thought Vader would never willingly come back to the Light - but even then, look how beat up Vader needs to be before he does.

But at the end of the day, Ben hopes that Luke is right.

He hopes that Vader can become Anakin again. It's just that he's painfully aware that the chances of that happening are very meager, and what's much more likely is that Luke will die instead or worse, fall to the Dark Side. Which almost happens. Again, love vs duty.

Luke isn't proving Ben wrong by rejecting the temptation of the Dark Side and sparing his father, a defenseless foe, because, just this once... his duty is to choose love, it's to show compassion.

He's just... being a Jedi. That's standard Jedi stuff.

And Jedi are awesome.

#QnA #long post #jedi order #anakin skywalker #Luke Skywalker #star wars

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morganas-pendragons · 1 year

Text

Hands That Hold You Now | Joel Miller

Prompt: Joel finds out you can sing, and he’s suddenly keen to teach you guitar.

Tag: @ironmandeficiency @kayleezra

***

He learns accidentally that you can sing. It’s late one night on the way back to Jackson from the hospital that he hears it while on watch. Your voice, soft and warm, echoing from the clearing you’ve made camp in for the night while you lure Ellie into sleep.

Because it’s you, she goes willingly. Your little sister has her arm nestled under her makeshift pillow and is asleep in seconds after you started raking your fingers through her hair.

Sister, you’re safe now…

And safe may you stay..

For I have a prayer just for you…

Joel takes careful care not to reveal himself and the fact that he’s keenly listening to you. He’d only ever briefly mentioned to you that he played guitar as well as sang so long ago, but you’d never given any indication that you did too. It feels very personal. Like one of those secrets he shouldn’t know and has now intruded upon it.

Despite that, Joel closes his eyes and listens closely. Something about your voice soothes him. Eases the coil in his chest into something bearable that makes it easier to breathe and calms the tremble in his hands that currently cradle the rifle in his lap.

Grow baby sister… come back someday…

Come and deliver us too…..

It’s a request and a desperate plea. You had been the one who encouraged Joel to rip Ellie from that table. She was furious. Upset. Understandably, because the story the two of you fabricated only thirty minutes before she woke wasn’t quite the most believable.

You said she could save the world in a different way.

Ironically enough, Joel believed you. He had to. He wasn’t sure he could deal with the reality of Ellie hating him for the decision he made from the heart of a parent who couldn’t take losing another child.

She would never understand his reasoning. You, however, did. It was just another one of the growing list of reasons why he was so drawn to you.

“Got a real pretty voice.”

Your eyes flicker upward to where Joel has just come down from the tree, rifle slung over his shoulder. He looks tired. He always looks tired. The mental and physical ramifications of all the three of you have endured is really beginning to take its toll.

Hesitantly, you pat the spot beside you.

“Come here, Joel.” You call. “Come tell me how pretty I am.”

“You know you’re pretty, Sunshine.” He sits down in the open spot beside you and stretches his aching limbs towards the warmth of the fire. “But you never told me you could sing.”

“Never had a reason to. You also said you played guitar and have yet to show me.”

Joel raises a brow. “Does it look like I have a guitar?”

“Fine then. When we get back to Jackson, you’re gonna find a guitar,” You prompt, scooting closer to slowly lay your head on his shoulder. He would’ve immediately recoiled at the motion when you started this. People were a liability. Caring what a liability. Better to guard your heart from it. “And then I’ll properly sing for you.”

He leans down to whisper low and warm in your ear, “Maybe you’ll even get an opportunity to really watch the hands you don’t stop staring at at work.” There’s a teasing lilt to his voice as laughter bubbles in the back of your throat. “You’re many things. You’re not subtle.”

You ignore the burn in your cheeks in favor of watching the sun rise over the trees instead.

***

Tommy very graciously lends him one of the guitars from the wall of the house he shares with Maria. It had been a week since the three of you had arrived in Jackson, choosing to spend that time integrating into the community before really committing yourselves to the roles that Tommy had set aside for you.

Joel and Ellie on patrol. You on supply runs, or vice versa.

It’s Maria who asks you upon arrival if you want to live with Joel. He’s clearly got the room - Ellie had immediately declined and settled herself into a garage where she could have her own privacy - and the desire for you to be a constant presence there.

Joel’s presence can make it house. Your touch can make it a home.

It’s warm on the Sunday night before Joel asks you to move in when he finds you on his porch. There’s a steaming cup of coffee in his hands and a whole canvas of stars to look at above him, but none of that can compare to the way your presence just eases that ache in his chest into something bearable.

Around you, he can breathe. He doesn’t have to maintain that facade that people know him for. Terrifying, cruel, angry Joel Miller who would do whatever it takes in order to protect those he loves. In order to protect what’s his.

Not everyone has seen the blood on his hands. He doesn’t want them to. He doesn’t want their pity.

“Hi Sunshine,” Joel muses softly. His voice is soft and warm and the lure of it makes you only want to come closer and sit at his feet while he talks to you all night. “I believe that you and I have a deal to hold up each ends of.”

You raise a brow and turn your head to gaze at the guitar. Something shifts in your aspect at the sight of it. It reminds you of something you love, something good that you enjoy in a world where finding things to enjoy is so, so hard. There’s not time for singing. There’s not time for music. Being able to find even a moments worth of true quiet is a blessing. Why would you have time for music when noise draws the dead and goodness is so often snuffed out like the flame to a barely burning candle?

Despite all of that, you still sing.

Despite all of that that, Joel still plays.

You run your tongue over your teeth and nod, involuntarily shivering as the warm breeze that’s carried through the trees causes goosebumps to rise on your arms. You hadn’t been smart in wearing only a thin t-shirt and faded jeans over here. You’re not even wearing shoes.

“I think I’d like it if you taught me that song you mentioned, after the hospital.” Your voice is soft as you come to stand beside him and lean against the railing. “And maybe we can duet it together sometime. Now since it’s quiet.”

That makes something inside of him swell. Now that it’s quiet. Now that it’s quiet, you can enjoy the things of life that you’d been deprived of for god knows how long.

Joel is careful not to let his face betray the pounding of his heart as he sets both of your mugs down and motions to the steps. “Sit,” He calls over his shoulder. “I’ll come sit behind you.”

You settle yourself on the second step and wait. Moments later, Joel’s knees come to bracket either side of your body as he slowly lowers the guitar into your lap. Your breath catches as you helplessly watch his hands wrap around your own - his are so large compared to yours, able to hide your own within their grasps with relative ease - and settle them on the appropriate frets for the chords of the song to begin.

You wait.

“So this chord is… yeah, that’s it,” Joel’s instruction is thorough as you are walked through each individual chord twice before you attempt to strum on your own. “Good girl. Now keep that strum pattern while I do this.”

As you slowly work through the chord progression, your focus is so pointed on ensuring that each one is right that you nearly miss the rumble of Joel’s baritone in your ear as he begins to sing.

If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

You’re careful to hear the things he doesn’t say in each word as you continue. Meeting his eyes would be the end of this precious moment of time where it’s just you and him, not another soul around, a moment in which the walls that have guarded your hearts fall and you’re able to just be with each other.

It’s precious. It’s sacred.

You refuse to break it.

Everything I’ve found here

I’ve not found by myself

Try and sometimes you’ll succeed

To make this man of me

Your eyes flicker downward to where his fingers are pressed against your own. He’d had a point in how frequently you paid attention to his hands. How could you not? There’s so much life there. Callouses from the years of playing guitar and worn skin at the palms from the last two decades of becoming familiar with the firearms he so flawlessly uses. Scars across the bridges of his knuckles and worn pads of his fingers that come with age and experience.

How could you not pay attention to Joel’s hands when there’s so much to be told through them?

All my stolen missing parts

I’ve no need for anymore

When he’d initially mentioned this song to Ellie, you had believed it would be for her. If Joel was ever going to sing this he would be singing it to her. The longer you listened to it, though, the more you realize that each word you hang onto is specifically directed at you.

Even if he’s so hesitant to say it - Joel’s always been a man of action, not a man of words - you still hear every word. You see him.

What Joel isn’t already aware of is that you are very familiar with this song. Once you have the cadence memorized, you tilt your head upward and wince as your fingers fall on the wrong chord and an awful sound resonates from the guitar.

It makes him laugh. A sound you so rarely hear, more a chuckle than anything, but being able to witness the way his lips curve upward and his eyes shine is enough to ease your embarrassment into quiet admiration.

You fix your fingers against the fret and continue with the second verse yourself.

Back when I was feeling broken

I focused on a prayer

You came deep as any ocean

Did something out there hear?

You both had come into each others lives at just the right time. You knew it. He knew it. But you were teetering on the edge of a precipice in which one of you would eventually say those three words, and you would fall into it together.

There’d be no coming back from that.

Joel’s fingers are warm against your own as he dips his head to kiss the junction of your shoulder where skin is visible. You shiver, swallowing the knot in your throat and shakily finding what remains of your resolve to continue singing.

All the complexities and games

No one wins but somehow they still played

All the missing crooked hearts

“They may die,” Joel whispers, so quiet you almost don’t hear it, removing your fingers from the guitar to set it to the side as you turn around in the part of his legs to kneel between them. “But in us they live on.”

They do. They do live on. Your son, his daughter, Tess, Henry and Sam, Bill and Frank, Marlene, all those people you’ve come across along the journey to get Ellie to the hospital and eventually back to your new home in Jackson.

He was the only one who was still here. Ellie had, in her own right, separated herself from Joel for a reason she felt was justified.

She didn’t understand why you’d been so quick to defend him. Not until she realized it.

“Oh. Oh, that’s rich. You love him!”

You don’t deny it. She’s your little sister, your last living blood, and you owe her the truth at least about this. You owe her that much.

“It took a while... but I will never regret it and will never go back.” You pause. “Yeah. I do love him.”

“Joel.” You run your tongue across your lips as he holds your face, worn and calloused hands so gentle as he runs his thumbs along the apples of your cheeks. “I love you.”

And I believe 'cause I can see You know it’s going to take a while for him to say it back. You don’t mind. The fact you’ve been able to get past the careful guard he keeps is something to be immensely proud of, and you refuse to take advantage of that precious trust he finds in you.

You know it’s going to take him a while to say it back, but you also know what he conveys in what he doesn’t say, but what he does.

So when Joel kisses you long and slow underneath a canvas of stars in the middle of a summer night on Jackson, you know it’s his way of quietly admitting that he loves you too.

As long as those hands promise to hold you forever - in which they will through the birth of Joel’s daughters, through a thirty minute wedding in Jackson’s chapel, through your first time together - you can wait.

Ellie’s arrival in the early hours of the morning finds her poised on the edge of the steps on the opposite side of the porch when she sees that Joel has fallen asleep against the outermost wall of the house with you carefully tucked into his embrace. There’s a guitar against the stairs and two cold cups of coffee on the table by the door.

Despite all her anger, she somehow manages to find happiness for you both as she tiptoes against the creaky boards of the porch and snaps a photo with the camera she’d taken from Dina. It’s a precious memory. A joyful one. It’s relieving to know that, even if she isn’t around anymore, you and Joel are both taken care of.

You’ll take care of each other. Now, then, and forever.

Our future days Days of you and me

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller x Reader #Joel x Reader #The Last of Us

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bestworstcase · 1 year

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I’ve gone back to rewatch 6x3 (Salem backstory) like three times since I heard of the summer joined salem willingly theory and I just never really stopped to FULLY appreciate how unfairly salem had been treated by the narrative before.. like I literally can’t stop ranting about how she’d not really done anything wrong! A grieving woman pulled the classic childhood “mom said no so I’m gonna go ask dad and pretend I didn’t ask mom” and is cursed with immortality!

She’s a smart woman so when she realized they were fallible she made a plan that would potentially end her suffering/life and instead they ruined her life further… eventually Ozma comes back and she realizes that they together could create *paradise* (her words, she has no desire for ceaseless destruction unlike what the story of her falling into the grimm pool and all said) and replace the brothers as the worlds new deities.

He feels conflicted that there are people fighting/dying to spread their new religion and she says (at 21:51) “you said we needed to bring humanity together, in order to do that, we have to spread our word and destroy those who deny it.” Like that’s what fucks me up! It was *his* idea to unify them via religion which meant all along he was using *her* own suggestion of being gods to create paradise to instead bring *back* the gods that cursed her, the ones that she wanted to replace… she literally just goes on to say “don’t you see? None of that matters anymore” like it literally doesn’t! It wasn’t even her idea to spread it to the degree that it would require killing!

Oz could’ve just enjoyed the freedom to live with Salem forever but instead he withheld his true intentions and even tried to twist her cause when even after everything she went through she wasn’t some sort of bloodthirsty monster, she just wanted to create a beautiful world for the people who already existed and for their new family… Salem is literally so tragic 😢

#TeamSalemDidNothingWrong #…UntilAllOfThatMurderThatCameFromNeedingToPreventHerDeathOrNewTypeOfTortureAtTheHandsOfTheGods #EverythingIsBecauseOfOzma

hgfhdgsk step one COMPLETE!

step two is asking, is salem really being treated unfairly by the narrative? are we meant to take jinn as an objective source? she does begin the tale with “once upon a time”—it’s framed as a fairytale. are fairytales treated as the whole truth in any other narrative context? why does the scene get inexplicably washed in glaring red light when jinn says “salem blamed the end of the world on the gods” in a way that insinuates it’s a lie? why is it ruby, not jinn, who asserts that ozma “has to destroy salem,” and why does jinn grin when she tells him he can’t?

V6 builds from the groundwork laid in V5 regarding truth and deception and the importance of critical thinking—think of all the emphasis raven puts on telling yang she needs to ask questions and stop taking every answer she’s given at face value—and what do the kids do after jinn tells them this tale? they ask ozpin what his plan is, and they ask how they’re supposed to defeat salem if she can’t be killed. ruby actively chooses not to ask jinn any follow-up questions because she’s afraid of wasting the last one (<- this happens AGAIN with hazel in V8, the characters don’t ask jinn what salem wants because they assume that their assumption is correct, and that caps off a subplot about all of salem’s hench people bickering over their wildly different ideas of what she’s planning.)

STEP THREE,

is remembering that jinn is a djinn bound to a magical lamp whose three questions were humorously equated to wishes, and ambrosius makes it clear that he gives people exactly, literally what they ask for, and ruby doesn’t ask jinn to tell them the truth about salem, she asks “what is ozpin hiding from us?”, and then you have to smack yourself in the forehead a bit.

step four is going back to the beginning and paying attention this time. what does salem say about humankind? what does she say about the society ozma built after the great war? how does her tone change from one to the other? what does volume one have to say about the nature of evil? is the conspiratorial, paranoid cult of secrets and lies keeping a comatose young woman in the basement until they find a suitable vessel to overwrite with her soul really people the narrative expects us to agree with? is this a good system? what is it for? who does it serve? is ozpin right and ironwood wrong or are both of them wrong in opposite ways? is salem really describing her own methods, or is she mocking ozpin for the self-sabotaging failures of his? what does the narrative think about chosen ones who try to stand alone against the darkness? how does it engage with the concept of heroism? how is it deconstructing the fairytale ethos at the heart of the huntsman system? are the things the characters believe about the grimm accurate? why aren’t there any grimm plaguing kuo kuana, despite it being the most densely populated city in the world and not participating in the huntsmen institution? how is salem’s part of 6.4 annotating her portrayal in 6.3? why does the narrative show us the rage and terror behind her decision to rush to atlas ahead of schedule before ironwood speculates that her greatest strength is a complete lack of emotion? why does she fly off the handle every time someone lies to her? why does the narrative make such a huge point of establishing that no one knows what she wants and then conclude that subplot with the characters actively choosing not to verify their assumptions? what might the narrative be setting up through salem’s treatment of cinder in V8, through salem losing the power struggle because she won’t commit to punishing cinder for her defiance? why does the woman who loathes the gods and praises humanity’s strength and wisdom and resourcefulness and passion really hold ozma, god’s chosen one, in such contempt? WHY DOES SHE LET HER HOSTAGES GO? and so on and so forth.

step five is rewatching the lost fable again for the nth time and staring at a wall and thinking about “creatures known as faunus bore fangs and claws and were locked away in cages” and “frightened whispers that spoke of a terrifying sorceress who commanded dark powers in the wilds, among beasts and monsters” and putting that together with how grimm are used to symbolize the persecution of faunus and ozpin transparently suspecting blake as salem’s spy and how the world of remnant episodes on grimm and faunus and the faunus origin myths all strongly imply a cultural perception that faunus are sort of grimm-adjacent, and having the oh. OH moment where you realize that salem is a faunus and her arc is intricately connected to the faunus narrative.

step seven is going down the feverish rabbit hole of ‘fairytales of remnant’ and tilting at silver-eyed windmills until your brain is thoroughly cooked, at which point you can start yelling on street corners about how the god of animals was a grimm lady and silver-eyed warriors are psychopomps and summer rose is salem’s second in command and rapidly approaching ozma apostasy arc and ozlem reconciliation because lord knows they deserve it, and so forth, ideally with a bullhorn.

step eight is getting cold-clocked by volume nine tearing the last vestiges of ruby’s faith in the huntsman system to shreds like a pack of rabid hyenas so that she can finally tear herself free of the fairytale cult that tried to eat her

and that’s the normal rwby fan to salem club pipeline in a nutshell.

#rwby v9 spoilers #‘we finally had freedom’ god.#she would have been blissfully happy in that cottage forever

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adlerorzel-blog · 2 months

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What's your favorite character from all across THG trilogy & TBOSAS?

Why do you like this character?

Favorite quote or moment from them?

Please state one (or more) thing which you don't like from them.

Thank you 😊

@curiousthg

Hi! 😊 sorry it took me so long to respond 😅

I have two favorite characters in the entire thg universe and they are Peeta and Tigris.

About Peeta, the main reason I adore him is that he's kind. He is kind and likes to create and seek beauty in a world designed for cruelty, yet he is not weak or naive, he has his eyes wide open to his surroundings and survives in his own way. He is the male character that I hold dear to my heart because he has the characteristics of a villain or a dark romantic interest, but with the specific and clear intention that he does not want to become that. He fears becoming a monster and strives against becoming one, and when it is out of his control, he fights with everything he has to not let it consume him so that he can be himself again. He is dangerous in a way that few people pay attention to. His way with words and camouflage can be a frightening thing, even in the arc of his hijacking, there are moments when he makes space for himself in other people's lives, but instead of using those talents to gain power or influence over others, he uses them to comfort strangers, gain allies, be useful to others or as a desperate attempt to not disappear (oh the irony).

I started liking Tigris after I read tbosas. In the original trilogy, I didn't pay much attention to her but oh how wonderful it was to meet her in tbosas! She is a character I respect a lot, for her desire to achieve her dreams in the midst of terribly difficult times, for her hard work to keep her family afloat, and for the way love did not leave her blind. It takes a lot of courage to see the people we love for who they are and she didn't just prune the family tree, she set it on fire.

Peeta has many phrases that are gold, but my favorite is “But even if that happens, everyone will know we've gone out fighting, right?” In my opinion, it sums up his character and how he always puts everything he has into his ideals, ideas or plans. And my favorite moment is when he comforted the victor of District 6 as she died. I cry every time I see/read that scene.

There is a phrase of Tigris that is engraved in my soul “Try not to look down on people who had to choose between death and disgrace.” And the scene I love the most is from Movie!Tigris, when she tells Coriolanus that he looks just like his father. It's art. I get chills every time I watch that scene.

One thing I don't like about Peeta is his way of deflecting questions or comments that reveal something about him. On several occasions Katniss asks him very real questions, trying to find out more about him, but he shuts down and instead of sharing his real thoughts he says a flirtatious or romantic comment that distracts Katniss. The poor girl struggles to learn to communicate with him and he won't let her get to know him without making it more confusing for her. Every time he does that I sigh in impatience and scold him in my mind. 🥲

There's a reason why the headcanon about Tigris that I defend to the death is "Snow forced her to participate in the games to gain influence," and that's because I can't stand the idea of Tigris doing it willingly. It's my biggest delulu moment/thing. 🙃

Thanks for the ask! And sorry for the long reply, I couldn't control myself hehe 😅

#thg ask #no translator #I apologize if it does not make sense

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drdemonprince · 8 months

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I love the name Devon! Howd you choose it

Before my name change, my middle name was Dawn. In my Midwestern accent, that name is indistinguishable from Don, and I got a real thrill out of people being surprised that I had a "man's name" for my middle name throughout my childhood. That probably led me to gravitate toward names that started with the letter D.

I was also besotted by a female cellist in my high school orchestra with the name of Devon; she was quiet and self-serious and incredibly talented in an unshowy way, and I just thought it was so damn cool that she had an androgynous, male-leaning name. I'd always found it so cool when girls had names like Ryan or Max as well.

Later, in college, I'd become close friends with a sarcastic, witty environmental studies major named Devon; we talked a lot about Sufjan Stevens music and got drunk together before a falling out between my boyfriend and his roommate kinda drove us apart. As an adult another Devin, this time with an "I" instead of an "o" became my friend through the Chicago Live Lit scene. He's a gay ex-evangelical and comic book nerd with a sweet disposition, encyclopedic knowledge of graphic novels, and a winningly boisterous laugh. So the name had only positive associations.

Around the time my transgender egg was getting cracked, I was on the tabletop role playing podcast @wheelandway. My character in the first season was a hillbilly wizard named Dale. I tried that name on for size because I liked the letter D, and I thought it suited my Appalachian background. Eventually I decided it didn't quite fit, it didn't have enough of an edge for me, but I was headed in the right direction.

I considered other, loosely similar names like Damon (yeah like Albarn, sorry), but Devon seemed the most appealing to me. It was English and kind of classy sounding to my American but British-and-Scottish-ancestried ear, and I liked that it meant "shield" and nicely matched my chosen last name, Price. I liked that it was androgynous but leaning masculine, with the majority of babies named Devon today still being male -- usually once a name becomes androgynous, it breaks in a more female direction, in terms of enduring naming trends. Devon is one of the few names to remain solidly neutral and something people will still willingly name their boy babies as well as girls.

All in all, it felt right, seemed like a name that both suited me and on that was appropriate for me to claim, it looked and sounded good with my last name, and it only evoked positive memories of other people for me. I'm so fortunate that I didn't google the name Devon Price before choosing it, because if I had, I wouldn't have become close friends with another social psychologist nearly my exact same age who has the same name and occupation as me.

I've had many names in the past and I don't view any of them as dead names or anything I feel any need to conceal from people. Part of me does experience regret over trying to distance myself from my dad and my hillbilly family by getting rid of their surname in favor of Price. At the time that I made that choice, when I was eighteen, some of it was motivated by a desire for respectability and a shame over my family's class background and how I might be perceived within academia. My current public-facing name is very friendly to being an academic and a noted public thinker, and I think it's kinda wack that I've profitted off of that. Sometimes I think if I ever attain enough notoriety that it becomes a real problem I'll switch back to my old last name to disappear into obscurity and reclaim the sides of myself that I used to run from, and the family that has largely died out.

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 1 year

Text

Don’t Make Me Choose

Fandom: Batman, Batfam, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd

Summary: When your twin brother Jason goes against the family (again), your boyfriend is hurt by your choices. But will a secret from your past help him understand your decision?

Word Count: 2672

Note: Spoilers for Red Hood and the Outlaws Comics

TW: mentions of suicide, mentions of attempted suicide

“Dick, please just listen to me!” you beg as your boyfriend, now possibly ex-boyfriend, throws his belongings into a duffle bag. He is weaving around the room, refusing to let you pin him down. You finally manage to put your hand on his arm, but he jerks it away so harshly you stumble back in shock. “Please, Dick. Don’t do this. Let me explain.”

“What is there to explain?” His voice is detached and cold. “You have seen all the horrible things he has done, and you still choose him over us. Over me. I think that says everything right there.” He slams the dresser drawer closed and heads to the door.

You know he is right. No matter how many times Jason had crossed the line before, you had always stood by your twin brother. But this, this was a new low even for him. It was bad enough he tried to break Bruce’s no killing policy again, however shooting the Penguin point blank on national television was a whole other level. And though Cobblepot was still clinging to life (for the moment), Bruce had decided enough was enough. Watching the Batsuit feed of your adopted father beating the living shit out of your twin was almost more than you could bear. If Roy hadn’t shown up at the last minute and whisked Jason away, you honestly weren’t sure what would have happened.

You had been furious at Bruce when he arrived back at the cave. And you had made sure he knew as much in no uncertain terms. When Bruce tried to push you on the issue, you had drawn your own line in the sand. “Don’t make me choose because I’ll pick him every damn time.”

You knew it was a dangerous statement to make, especially in the state Bruce was in. But Jason had raised you for years before Bruce had found you two trying to steal one of the Batmobile’s tires. Even before your mom had overdosed or your dad had gone to prison, Jason had taken care of you. He was the only family who had never willingly abandoned you, and you weren’t going to abandon him. Especially when he needed you most.

But then Dick was there. You hadn’t even noticed him standing in the corner when you made your declaration, however he had definitely heard it. He had moved in front of you to stare you dead in the eye. And with a face full of pain and betrayal, he had whispered, “You’ll pick him every time…..Even over me?”

You wished you could have told him what he wanted to hear. Say it and hope you never had to make that choice in the future. But you loved Dick too much to lie to him. So instead, you returned his gaze and tearfully replied, “I’m sorry. But even over you.”

You had watched as Dick’s jaw tightened and he curtly nodded before storming out of the Batcave, hurling a chair across the room as he went. You flinched but didn’t look back or chase after him. Instead, you had chosen to remain and finish your fight with Bruce. By the time you had made it back to your shared apartment, Dick had packed most of his belongings. Which was why he was now heading for the door.

You know if he leaves, there is a chance you’ll never get him back. You throw yourself in front of him, blocking the exit. He rolls his eyes and heads for the window instead. Panic surges through you as you struggle to find any way to convince him to stay.

“I love you, Dick. I love you so much. Please don’t leave.”

Without turning around, he says, “I love you too. That’s why this hurts so much.” He opens the window and starts climbing out onto the fire escape.

“Dick, I lost Jason once and it nearly killed me. I can’t lose my brother again. I won’t survive that.”

He hesitates for a second, straddling the windowsill. “I know it was tough, it was tough on all of us, but you were strong enough to pull through then, and if you had to, you could do it now.”

“But I wasn’t! If you hadn’t found me that night, I wouldn’t be here right now.” The words unconsciously slip out your lips, barely more than a breath. For the first time since you both got home, Dick looks at your face. Confused, he watches as you slide down the door and curl into yourself. Your face is buried in your knees, but he can still hear as sobs tear through your body. As mad at you as he was, he climbs back through the window and kneels in front of you.

“What are you talking about? What night?”

“You know what night. The night on the roof. After Jason….”

Suddenly, Dick remembers the night you are referring to. It was about a month after Jason’s death. Bruce and you had just gotten into another heated argument about killing the Joker. Things had escalated quickly, and the two of you had stormed off after exchanging quite a few words you both would regret later. Dick waited about an hour to give you time to cool down before he began searching for you. He was just about to give up when he spotted you. He mentally kicked himself for not checking here sooner as he landed on top of the building next to the gargoyle. He remembered how Jason had often referred to the stone beast as his best friend outside of the manor so of course this is where you would be right now.

You didn’t even glance up as he sat down, you just took a big swig from the bottle of vodka in your hand. You looked like a complete mess. Windblown hair sticking out in all directions, tears creating streaks down your face through your makeup, legs dangling over the edge of the building, body swaying slightly. Dick sighed, removing his domino mask. “Don’t you think 15 is a little young to be drinking that?”

You ignored his comment. “Did Bruce send you?”

“No, I was worried and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I don’t even know what okay is anymore.” You took another, longer gulp from the now almost empty bottle.

He tried again, “Listen, I miss him too. I know our relationships with Jason were different, but I still thought of him as my brother.”

“But he wasn’t. He was mine. And now, I’m alone. Again.” Your words were slightly slurred, and your voice was wobbly as you held back tears. “Did you know he asked me to go with him? He said he needed my help. I told him no. If I had been there…. If I had gone with him…” A strangled sob cuts off the rest of your words. Dick puts his arm around your shoulder and pulls you into him.

“Shhh…. It’s okay…It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is! Everything he did, his entire life, was to protect me or help me. Then the one time he asks me for help, I refuse.” You sobbed harder.

“Look at me. Hey! Look at me.” Dick lifted your chin so you were staring into each other’s eyes. “There was nothing you could have done. If you had gone with him, the Joker would have just killed you too. There is nothing you could have done to stop it. And Jason would not want you to blame yourself like this. He loved you so much and it would break his heart to see you falling apart over him. And you are right. Since the first day I met you two, I saw him do everything in his power to keep you safe and happy. That was his main goal every day. Don’t throw all of that away.”

Tears filled your eyes, and you nodded as you once again buried your head in Dick’s shoulder. He held you tight and tried to fight back his own tears. You were always such a fierce, joyful presence in his life and seeing how broken you had become hurt almost as much as losing Jason. He also carried his own guilt at not being there for his younger brother when he needed it most. But while Dick hadn’t been there for Jason, he silently swore he would always be there for you.

It was only when Dick felt you shiver against the wind that he realized you were in the simple t-shirt and jeans you had left the manor in. “Hey, let’s get you back. You know better than to scale tall buildings in civilian clothes. What if someone had seen you? How were you planning on explaining that?”

You were silent for a minute, then softly you whispered, “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

Dick wasn’t quite sure what you meant but he decided not to push it. He stood and when he reached out his hand to help you up, he noticed you drop something off the side of the building. It was too dark and the object fell too fast for Dick to get a good look at it. “Now you’re littering too? What kind of superhero are you?”

“Sorry. I – I just didn’t need it anymore.” You grabbed his hands and he pulled you to your feet. Giving you one more quick hug, Dick whispered, “It’s going to be alright” and the two of you headed home, together.

As Dick replays the night in his head, he shrugs. “I remember that night. But what does it have to do with any of this?”

“There was a reason I was in civilian clothes. There was a reason I had a bottle of vodka. There was a reason I was on top of one of the tallest buildings in Gotham, and not just because it was Jason’s favorite place.”

Dick feels his blood run cold. “What did you drop off the roof? What was it that you ‘didn’t need anymore’?”

You let out another howling sob and Dick knows the answer. He suddenly remembers Bruce complaining about his misplaced sleeping pills a few days later, but Dick hadn’t made the connection at the time. He looks at you trembling in front of him and realizes how close he had come to losing you. He scoops you into his arms just like he had all those years ago and you once again bury your head in his shoulder. Soothing your hair with his hand, Dick softly murmurs, “Oh baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Bruce had been so angry and distant, and I just felt so alone, abandoned yet again. I was in so much pain and I missed Jay so much! I needed the pain to stop, and I thought it would be the only way.” You stare deeply into Dick’s face with your tear-soaked eyes. “But then you showed up. You reminded me that I still had someone who cared for me and doing… that… wasn’t what Jason would have wanted for me. You saved me that night, Dick. You stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life.”

Dick pulls you closer to his chest. “No baby, you did that. I might have reminded you that you weren’t alone, but you made the decision to save yourself. You did that, not me. And you have nothing to be sorry about. You had just lost the most important person in the world to you, and you felt betrayed by the person who was supposed to be looking out for you. Of course, you were in a bad place. But just know, that whatever happens, whether we are a couple or not, I will always be there to remind you that you still have people who care about you.”

You rest your head on Dick’s shoulder and link your fingers with his. “I love you. I love you so damn much and I can’t stand the thought that tonight I almost screwed everything up and lost you. I’m sorry about what I said in the cave. I never meant for you to think I didn’t love you enough to choose you. It was never about who I loved more. It was about who needed me more. I guess, deep down, I know that just because I don’t want to live without you, it doesn’t mean we couldn’t if we had to. You still would have Tim, Damian, Bruce, Barbara, Wally, so on, that you could lean on. But Jason….

“I’m just trying to imagine where Jason’s head’s at right now. Bruce essentially exiled him from Gotham and by extent his family, the Outlaws were just trapped in some alternate dimension, he’s currently with Roy but Roy’s been talking about checking himself into rehab, and if that happens, I am the only person Jason will have. If I turn on him too, I am afraid of what he might do to himself or others.” You hang your head as tears stream down your face once again. This is the closest you have ever come to admitting out loud how scared you are of what your brother is capable of. You had always denied the possibility that he was too far gone to be saved, instead fighting fiercely to defend him at every turn.

“I already let him down once. I choose Bruce and his rules about killing over justice for Jason. Do you remember how long it took for him to trust me again? For him to even talk to me again? If I ever turn my back on him a second time…he won’t ever forgive me. And if that happens….I don’t know what he will do….” You trail off. Dick just nods at you reassuringly, so you sigh and continue. “We all saw the footage. I’ve never seen Bruce attack someone like that. It was absolutely brutal. And he clearly was sending a message when he ripped the bat symbol from Jason’s chest. There’s no coming back from this. So, no. I don’t want to pick sides, I don’t want to have to choose between my brother and my family, you, but Bruce might have just made that our new reality.”

You reach up and brush Dick’s hair out of his face. “And all I can think about now is how you pulled me back from the edge back then because you were there when I needed you most. If I abandon Jason, who will be there to help pull him back?”

When you finally get everything off your chest, Dick sighs. “You’re right. I hate it, but you’re right. I wish Jason knew he could still count on me and that I still cared for him. But ever since he returned, our relationship has never been the same. So, at the moment, you might be the only other person besides Roy he feels he can lean on. And if you need to go to him, I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back.”

You wrap your arms around him and squeeze tightly. “Thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for letting me do what I need to do. And please know, I’m not choosing Jason over you. He just needs me more at the moment.”

“I know. And I will try my best to never make you feel like you have to choose between us ever again. As long as you continue to choose to love me, that is the only choice I care about.“

You lightly cup his cheek with your hand, a smile dancing across your face. You guide his head down until your lips meet. Your eyes flutter closed as a comforting, familiar warmth shivers down your spine. After a moment you pull away and gaze deep into his sparkling eyes. “Oh, Dick….. Loving you was never a choice. It was an inevitability.”

#sfw repost #fic #batman #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #dick grayson x reader #nightwing #nightwing x reader #jason todd #dc #dc x reader #angst #hurt/comfort #hurt & comfort #suicide tw #suicide attempt tw #mention of character death tw

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