Sorry for the lack of recent polls/updates, this blogs on a lil hiatus

The Beer (Kimya Dawson)

And the beer I had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain/And the beer I had for lunch was a bottle of night train/And the beer I had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills/We had to sit down on skateboards jut to make it down the hill/Then I peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar/And some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car/When I got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor/You said don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64

"It is such an outpouring of grief and despair with, not so much a final note of hope, but rather the sadness of wanting to want more. It's essentially just two minutes of fucked up choices sung with such a note of sad resignation. I truly cannot listen tothis song without crying. Part of it is that it feels so real, likethis is coming straight from her soul which makesit all the sadder, because of the pain, only obliquely referred to in either a matter of fact sentence or the string of nihilistic choices being made."

San Cristobal (Mal Blum)

I saw my fortune scrawled out/Up against the wall/In a crowded market place/In a town I can't recall/And the teller told me that I would be/Young and I would fall/But I didn't think he meant so soon/Not so soon at all/Back at home, you found religion/In a dirty crystal ball/In the back of a dollar store /In that shopping mall/I found religion/Out in San Cristobal

"Sometimes people change in ways that rub against each other like the rough edges of broken concrete and they never quite fit together again bc they never quite line up"

L'odeur de L'essence (Orelsan)

La nostalgie, leur faire miroiter la grandeur d'une France passée qu'ils ont fantasmée/L'incompréhension, saisir ceux qui voient leur foi dénigrée sans qu’ils aient rien demandé/La peur, les persuader que des étrangers vont venir dans leurs salons pour les remplacer/Le désespoir, leur faire prendre des risques pour survivre là où on les a tous entassés.

"It fucks really hard, it’s a song about like French and world politics and the state of society."

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables (Les Miserables)

Phantom faces at the window/Phantom shadows on the floor/Empty chairs at empty tables/Where my friends will meet no more/Oh my friends, my friends/Don't ask me what your sacrifice was for/Empty chairs at empty tables/Where my friends will sing no more

There's a grief that can't be spoken/There's a pain goes on and on/Empty chairs at empty tables/Now my friends are dead and gone

"In a musical about sad thing after sad thing, this one hits the hardest. I once saw a production of it in Budapest where the stage of the song before it had women in big white dresses literally turning around and around and then disappearing to leave the actor playing Marius alone on the stage and it was just so jarring and heartbreaking"

"This musical never fails to make me cry. Les Mis was the first musical that made me so passionate about the medium, and it still is my favorite. The story is heartbreaking, and it really fucks you up (especially if you're attached to the characters). About the song, at this moment (spoiler alert, I guess?) the revolution just failed (the people didn't come to support the movement, they were fighting alone), and everyone that participated pretty much died. Marius only survived because Jean Valjean saved him, and he finds out afterwards that ALL of his friends were murdered by the french police and that he's the only one left alive. He's drowning in survivor's guilt and on the memories of his dead friends, and is singing in the room they used to have their meetings when they were planning the rebellion. It fucks you up because you spent part of the musical getting attached to all of the Les Mis and you want them to succeed with the barricade, so this really rubs their deaths in your face (and you see Marius getting really fucked up over it)."

"Dude is singing about how his friends all died. If someone says they watched a production of Les Mis and didn't cry at this song they are lying"

Poll runner: I saw Les Mis live a while or so ago and holy fuck... it is the ultimate fuck-you-up musical. This song is especially devastating. It's all about survivor's guilt and the price we pay for a chance at revolution. The way they staged it fucking RUINED me, they had Marius surrounded by all the dead characters, all holding candles, and they slowly raised their candles like glasses, before blowing them out until only Marius was left onstage, candle raised to the sky. It was, as my director friend said, a picture perfect moment. Anyway, this song is absolutely devastating.

Beach-Life-In-Death (Car Seat Headrest)

They said sex can be frightening/But the children were not listening/And the children cut out everything/Except for the kissing and the singing/When they finally found their home/At Walt Disney studios/And then everyone grew up/With their fundamental schemas fucked

"It’s a three-part nearly 14 minute song about loneliness, feeling inhuman, coming out as queer, growing up, moving away, and more- one of the most beautiful ballads from csh. There are so many beautiful lyrics it’s incredibly hard to pick just a few for this submission. I hope my brief selection above is motivational enough for you to give the song a listen! Aside from the lyrics- the song itself and instrumentals are absolutely insane. so good. there’s parts where you can sway and feel the thrum of it all- and parts where you can yell- and parts where you just want to jump up and down when the beat hits. I could go on about this song for hours and all it’s wonderful motifs- many which are references to his other works. I encourage everyone to give it a good long listen, maybe read the lyrics as you go. especially my queer and mentally ill folks- or even those who are just growing and moving and finding yourself in such a scary world."

Thank You For the Venom (My Chemical Romance)

You'll never make me leave, I wear this on my sleeve/You wanna follow something, give me a better cause to lead/Just give me what I need, give me a reason to believe/So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills/And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill/You're running after something that you'll never kill/If this is what you want, then fire at will

"It just goes fucking hard! And it feels SO broadly applicable to martyred and maligned leaders. It's about burnout and rage and wanting to fight FOR something but struggling to find purpose beyond that fight. It's about nevertheless placing yourself in harm's way because SOMEONE has to."

Beach-Life-In-Death submitted by @beatlebambi

Untouchable Face (Ani Difranco)

So fuck you/And your untouchable face/And fuck you For existing in the first place/And who am I/That I should be vying for your touch?/I said who am I?/I bet you can't even tell me that much

"I've listened to this song on repeat for every single broken heart since I was fourteen. It's one of those songs you can sing along to even if you're sobbing. I'm not sure if the lyrics will resonate with everyone; I just had to submit this one too because it's so personal to me. It's about when they're the right person but you're the wrong one. It's about seeing someone you love find happiness in someone else and feeling yourself fade into the irrelevant bystander. It's an angry kind of sad that I haven't found anywhere else besides my head and this album"

The View Between Villages (Noah Kahan)

A minute from home but I feel so far from it/The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin/It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again/The things that I lost here, the people I knew/They got me surrounded for a mile or two

"It hit me so fucking hard the first time I heard it and I'm still not sure why. Noah Kahan is one of those artists that reaches into your head and pulls out all of your feeling and takes them and expresses them so well. His music and this song specifically just make me want to lay in bed and sob sometimes"

Untouchable Face submitted by @hubcaptastrophe

Wait For It (Hamilton)

Death doesn't discriminate/Between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes...I am the one thing in life I can control...I'm not falling behind or running late/I'm not standing still I am lying in wait

"The song is about lying in wait for the right chance to act and thrive, even if the wait is long and makes you want to act rashly. The character (im not american i dont know and dont care about most of the real political implications of the characters in hamilton its just funny songs to me) says that he's holding on to his family's legacy, that he's survived through the years when many many others have died, and that "if there's a reason he's still alive when so many have died then he's willing to wait for it" to show. Cue one (or more) covid lockdown(s) and you get the perfect song to sing along while social distancing/paying attention to everything/staying home/vaccinating/kinda losing time on the side and just wading through classwork and friendships while isolated. It was a very fuck me up song."

Poll Runner: The 'slowly sliding into villain territory' song. Gives you chills with the 'wait for it' chanting in the background, and really the first moment in the musical that we get to dig into Burr's character and the 'why' of it all. It's a really powerful song.

The Night We Met (Lord Huron)

I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you/Take me back to the night we met/I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you/Take me back to the night we met

"Song for when it's already too late and you just want to turn back the clock"

Poll Runner: chills every time. Definitely my favourite Lord Huron song.

Leave Luanne (35MM: AA Musical Exhibition)

Leave, Luanne/Why don't you march out that door?/Southern woman, he ain't no good to you/Leave, Luanne/Louisiana wants war/But it's you dying on her ruby plains/And yet loyal Luanne remains

"It's such a messed up song, with such a satisfying ending. It tells the story of a woman named Luanne, who's stuck in a horrifically abusive marriage. One night she finally tries to run away, but her husband catches her, and instead of going back with him, she drowns herself. The song ends with her vengeful spirit coming back and trapping her former husband in never-ending torment and the song states that she does the same to any man caught abusing their wives. It's got such great vibes, absolutely amazing instrumentals, and I may or may not have named a character Luanne in reference to the song."

Letterbomb (Green Day)

Where have all the bastards gone/The underbelly stacks up ten high/The dummy failed the crash test/Collectin' unemployment checks/A flunky only along for the ride

"This song represents the ultimate resignation of a rebellion. The protagonist’s relationship has failed, with his girlfriend giving up on him. His revolution failed, and all the punks are too burnt out to care about the problems they once rioted about. All that’s left to do is accept his defeat, give up, and go home I tend to listen to this song when the world seems hopeless, which is not uncommon with the rise of global fascism. On one hand, it helps me wallow in my own misery, which is always nice. But it also brings me comfort to know that the political landscape has looked hopeless in the past, and authoritarianism has threatened us on multiple occasions, and yet the world didn’t end and enough of us survived to keep moving on."

Monster (Imagine Dragons)

If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?/And if I seemed dangerous, would you be scared?/I get the feeling just because everything I touch isn’t dark enough./If this problem lies with me.

"Feeling like something is taking you over that you can’t stop and it’s isolating you from everyone else"

Poll runner: If Imagine Dragons has a hundred fans, I will be one of them. If they have ten fans, I will be one. If they have no fans, I will be dead. Thank you and good day. (Also any song titled Monster is probably going to fuck you up, justsayin)

Mayonaise (The Smashing Pumpkins)

Mother, weep the years I'm missing/All our time can't be given/Back Shut my mouth and strike the demons/That cursed you and your reasons/Out of hand and out of season/Out of love and out of feeling

"ok so instrumental-wise it's just... So soft. Very calming at the beginning and then the Loud Guitars Happen and it's!!!!!! So powerful sounding!!! But also this song helped get me through the later half of highschool and the summers that followed LMAO I had it on repeat while studying & I played it (+ the rest of the album it's off of) CONSTANTLYYYY for a good couple years. Like. Top 10 songs that kept me sane for real"

Monster submitted by @pbear

Ode to the Mets (The Strokes)

Listen one time, it's not the truth/It's just a story I tell to you/Easy to say, easy to do/But it's not easy, well, maybe for you/Hope that you find it, hope that it's good/Hope that you read it, think that you should/Cuts you some slack as he sits back/Sizes you up, plans his attack

"If you haven't gotten any entries for this one yet I'd be very suprised. Very personal reasons why it fucks me up so so bad so I won't detail them here but!! It's funny that like 40% of the strokes tag is just ppl posting lyrics from this song with crying and sobbing and sobbing and crying drawing memes."

Name (The Goo Goo Dolls)

Scars are souvenirs we never lose, the past is never far/Did you lose yourself somewhere out there, did you get to be a star?/Don’t it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?/We grew up way too fast and now there’s nothing to believe/And reruns all become our history

"YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST ANYMORE (BUT ITS NON-EXISTENCE STILL DOESNT PREVENT THE PAST FROM HAUNTING YOUR EVERY MOVE) AND EVEN THE BONDS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MADE IT HOME ARE ERODING YOU PROMISE YOULL KEEP THEM SAFE AND KEEP THEIR SECRETS AND HOPE THAT PROMISE IS ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM STAY

Wandersong (Wandersong)

In a game all about music, this is a song about defying fate. This is bringing the voices of the world together, regardless of how different they are. This is a last gasp of a dying world, showing that it still has more to give. (It's also a huge spoiler, so uh... play Wandersong, folks! You won't regret it!)"

Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

And I swear! I will die trying!/I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress; I promise I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear!/I'm so fucking sorry! I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all!

Less rare than scarce, less diamond then rough/Unlikely to be more than just the coal you failed to crush

I'm catatonic in your arms, crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"/I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor/Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours

The vertex of my redemption arc/I’m searching on that virgin heart

"The raw emotion! And I strongly relate to desperately wanting to improve for someone you love. I belt out this song when I feel really hopeless"

"my one OC. also me. also it's just a really good song. one of will's best imo. screaminbg"

"Literally hits almost all of my self-esteem issues. Feeling like people only care about you for your body? Check. Not understanding why anyone would want you? Check. Thinking that all you do is hurt people? Check. I don't cry very often but this song DEFINITELY made me teary"

"one of those if u aren’t paying attention to the lyrics ur like this is nice but once u hear them its an OW holy OW and guilt and I’m sorry feelings"

"Just. Loving someone but not feeling like you’re good enough and trying to improve."

"Not only does this song have lyrics that are deeply relatable to me, but this song also feels very deeply personal to the artist and I feel that anyone who listens to it for the first time has that same feeling of getting punched in the gut. Just the lyrics and the melody and Will Wood’s incredible vocals make this song an absolute masterpiece and I cry every time I hear it."

"One reason I'm attached to this song is because my friend sent it to me and said "I'm kin assigning you this song" and ruined my life (/j) It messed me up because I've always had a hard time in my life figuring myself out and dealing with my emotions, and for what feels like the first time, this song has been able to near perfectly describe how I feel about myself and my impact on other people, and it always just meant so much to me that my friend who sent it to me knows me better than I know myself and shared the song with me and I love them dearly."

Against the Kitchen Floor submitted by @pixopolis + others

Metaphor (The Crane Wives)

I've gotten good at making up metaphors/I've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape/And all these words are fucking meaningless/You can't trust a single thing I say

"Listen. Listen. this specific performance of this song replaces the line "and all these words are sweet and meaningless" with "and all these words are FUCKING meaningless" and it changes the vibe of the song SO much. the song is about hiding your pain and true self behind metaphors and flowery words, "i'm fine!!" and the original line gives the song a reticent, sad feeling. all my words are sweet and meaningless; they sound lovely, but they have nothing to them. THIS line makes it FRUSTRATED, but frustrated with *yourself.* all of my words are FUCKING meaningless, and yet i keep doing this, hiding, suffering."

Swan Song (The Mechanisms)

Fleet has target lock acquired/There's nothing left for me but you/Secondary engines still won't fire/Together, we will see it through/Siegfried, we don't have any time/Well, then, we turn and we attack/Escape pods still working fine/I won't leave you

"It's a swan lake retelling but scifi, so The Odette (she/her) is "a human mind trapped with the cold hull of a battleship" and Siegfried (they/them) is on the opposite side of the war. They fell in love and are being hunted across space, and The Odette is pretty broken, between engines and navigation and everything else, but the escape pods still work and she tries telling Siegfried to run and they won't leave her, so they charge towards the certain death of the battle together"

I don't think its on the list but Guardheart by Kyle Stibbs absolutely fucks me the hell up. i only found it this week and I almost cried the first time i sat down and really listened to it

^^^^^

thank u so much for running this tournament !!! music is so cool and I love reading propaganda and seeing how much songs mean to people.

Thanks!

What does it mean to be “fucked up” by music? I’d like to share some music recommendations, songs that’ve “fucked me up”, but I don’t entirely understand the qualifications.

There's no dictionary definition, honestly, it's just something you feel. In your heart, in your bones, something from the tune, the lyrics, the mesmorising daydreams you have to it, something calls to you from inside your soul, something that makes you want to tear your hair out and scream. It's a metaphysical calling.

Again, no dictionary definition. If you have a song you think people here will like, send it in!

i know the bracket is closed but albany by ghost mice (really the whole album its on but it the most) fucks me up more than anything else given the story behind it. he wrote it about a trans woman who killed herself. certain lines just get me so bad.

The people on the street stared at me / As I stared off into space / Like a statue in the back seat, like a coffin in the grave / I sat frozen in purple rain

I waited for a while for the phone call to come / And tell me this was one of your pranks / I waited for weeks and weeks / For a tear to roll down my face

And the goddamn telephone was telling me / That I don't have a best friend / I don't what to go home / Because home's not where I live / So I play that message one more time again

^^^^^

Willard! (Will Wood)

You know I couldn't hurt a fly, my friend/I'm not the type to step on ants/I've nearly cried for moths that die in porchlight lamps/More for the plights of mice than men/See, I myself have been stepped on so many times/It's started to feel like my place/I've failed to fit into those nests that scrape the sky/Is there room for me in your cage?

"First off: super relatable lyrics about being incapable of comprehending humans and finding better company in animals, I can't listen to them without crying. Second: the musical vibe to it makes it feel grand but at the same time private and personal like we're listening to someone's deepest inner thoughts. Third: the context. In the song, the singer is talking to his pet rat, Socrates. Will wrote this song after his pet rat Mr. Algernon Socrates Boy passed away."

Swan Song (Set it Off)

Promises are broken/Tell me are you happy now/Drowning in the hourglass/I guess our time ran out/I hope you're listening/You don't even bother anymore

"If i could list every time just the acoustic version has made me start crying and why we would be here for far far too long. like i know its probably about a romantic relationship thats how most set it off songs are but like. you know."

Poll Runner: Set it Off fucks so hard. This is legit one of my favourite songs of theirs. The screaming vocals just... *chef's kiss*

Let Me Drown (Orville Peck)

Never knew where was home I slept a lifetime alone/Yeah, we had it one time but it's gone now, it's gone/Let me drown/I know with pleasure comes pain/I figured we were the same/But as I get older I get more afraid

"It is the best song for a good cry, when I'm down I listen to this on repeat. It so hard to stop listening to, you don't want any other song you want this again. The emotions are so strong you get swept away in it. I first heard this song on a video edit of Edward Teach (ofmd) after Stede leaves him. When he is turning back to his old ways and rejecting all the good in him that Stede brought out. He is throwing away his own growth and returning to the safety of a hard violent facade. It fits this song so well."

Epilogue (The Stanley Parable)

"Every single one of my friends know that I’ve bawled my eyes out at this song at least once. I’m a sucker for strong music, and the fact that I’m hyperfixated so hard on this damn game does not help. Listen. This game is a rollercoaster. From start to ‘end’, it is a rollercoaster. It presents itself as goofy and lighthearted, haha there’s a British guy following you around who reacts to your choices. It’s very silly, the jokes are funny, it doesn’t take itself seriously. Until it does. The Narrator, who supposedly created the game and takes great pride in it, is showing off his game’s success and reminiscing over the thing it used to be, in a place he calls the Memory Zone. Then, he stumbles upon a collection of negative reviews that make him realize that his game may not be all that he thinks it is. He’s desperate to please his players, and so he sacrifices himself and his time and creates a skip button, so that players who don’t want to hear his voice can skip through his dialogue. The time between skips gets longer and longer until he’s gone. Stanley is finally able to leave the room he’d been trapped in, and is met with open desert. A wasteland. He still hasn’t learned his lesson, even through billions of years (someone did the math) of solitude, and how much that affected him (and potentially killed him), he still desperately wants to please those who play his game. And so he puts together an expo to show off his ‘new features’. As he prepares to present it to Stanley, there’s a swell of hopeful and triumphant music. This is important. One of the exhibits is these figurines. If you collect all of them, there is supposedly ‘no reward’, but it actually unlocks an ending where the Narrator decides to release Stanley for good. This is the last step to unlocking the Epilogue, given to you by a mysterious entity who greets you every time you open the game. In the Epilogue, it’s mostly cutscenes. Stanley wanders the desert wasteland, while this music plays. The Narrator is not present. The Epilogue is a culmination of everything Stanley and the Narrator have gone through together, against each other and then against the world. The Epilogue takes place when the Narrator is gone, leaving Stanley to only wander alone with his memory, with no silly voice to keep him company. It’s a time where Stanley can only bring back memories about the Narrator as he faces survival in the desert. Alone. I cry every time the music swells during the sandstorm bit of the cutscenes. But at the very end of the song, when the music dies down, Stanley once again stumbles across the Memory Zone. The place that the Narrator once held dear, that held all his favorite memories, now dilapidated and half-buried in the sand. The place where the Narrator once enthusiastically showed off positive reviews of his game. The place he was proud of, hidden away where the developers would never see it. And. And do you know what this song does. When the Memory Zone comes into view. It fuckjgn reprises the song from the Narrator’s expo, once triumphant and swelling as he showed his creations off with a grand flourish, now quiet and sorrowful as you come across the memory zone without him present. And if the swelling of the sandstorm scene doesn’t hit me first, this bit fucking floors me. Every single time. The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe is a silly game about choice. It is also a game about companionship, and trust, and hurt, and grief. And during the true ‘ending’ of the game, before everything starts anew, when that music is playing, it’s the result of every single moment these characters have experienced, come together in one song, and a bunch of cutscenes. THAT is why this song fucks me up. sorry i dont know wtf possessed me just now but yeah. This game is a little obscure and many MANY people who have played it have not made it to the Epilogue, so I highly doubt it’s gonna make it very far into the tournament. But fuck if it can make me cry,"