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viperwhispered · 2 months

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Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Eta: you can find part 3 here, part 4 here, and finally part 5 here. Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner writes #jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels #also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life #like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for #but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but #a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and #b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so #also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back #but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now #also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series #if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines #also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part #I certainly had fun writing that line #(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)

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universe-of-peoples · 5 months

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I’m patient with PJO show fans that haven’t read the books. I really am. Getting to experience the story for the first time is great and I want to encourage them to get into my favorite fandom I’ve ever been a part of.

But I’m going to lose it if I see another “Percy and Annabeth are related! 😱😱😱” post.

No they’re not go read the books 🙄

#pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo hoo toa #rick riordan #percy jackson disney+#percy pjo #pjo percy #annabeth pjo #pjo annabeth #percabeth #percy and annabeth #I really hope it gets explained in the tv show like it does in the books #because some of them are getting on my last nerve #for anyone wondering it’s canon that the gods don’t have DNA #none of the half-bloods are actually related to each other #but siblings still don’t date each other bc it’s like step siblings it would be weird

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uncanny-tranny · 4 months

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I jokingly thought before that reading Junie B. Jones as a kid turned me into a feminist, but unironically, it kind of did.

I honestly think it comes down to the fact that Junie B. was not only allowed to be "weird," but her character arc never concluded like other girl characters would. In other media featuring "weird girls," the girl always ended her arc tamed - by force or convince, she would be prettied up, she would smile and be polite, and she would never speak out of turn. She would be perfect then, and would shed her veneer of individuality with the freedom that is conformity. As a kid, I noticed that girls weren't permitted to be "weird" like boys were. So when I read Junie B. Jones, I loved that she was frankly just fucking weird. She said things out of turn, she was rambunctious and imaginative and she was a realistic portrayal of a little girl. I loved reading those books because the narrative taught her lessons without punishing her for being weird, if that makes sense. So often, narratives punished weird girls for the crime of being a socially unacceptable girl, not for any true wrongdoing like lying.

Anyway, I just think it's interesting, because I watched and read a ton of books and shows and movies featuring girls and women, but none of them truly empathized with (or even tried to empathize with) weird girls on their own merits and capabilities and terms, or embraced the idea of a "socially inept/unacceptable" girl without punishing her in some way for her supposed ineptitude.

#feminism #and like junie b. got in trouble A LOT but she wasn't punished FOR being weird (honestly i thought she was adhd as a kid)#i haven't read the books in WELL over a decade but this is what i truly remember liking about the books #and i felt as a kid it said something that she was a seeming rarity among the sea of other portrayals of girls #am i looking too deep into this? honestly i don't care #and it makes me wonder if all the pushback those books got was partially because junie b. wasn't an 'acceptable' girl #like she's no more 'out there' than the portrayals of little boys that are out there and there were lessons and things from what i remember #i'm not saying you HAVE to like the books by the way but i think sometimes other people can get really angry about GIRLS acting like kids #i was ranting about these books to my dad because he didn't like them but he did still let me read them so thanks dad 🫡🫡#i just remember them being a huge part of my personal library because of how realistic and relatable junie b. was #like i acted really similarly to her when i was a kid and i felt like i was being understood (which is why i hc she's adhd/audhd/autistic)

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literallyjusttoa · 10 months

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I’m in my feels about Leto rn.

She a mom!!!! You don’t understand she’s a MOM!!!! And she was left all alone after the titan war (most titans were banished to Tartarus) and then she fell in love with this guy with all these red flags but they were genuinely in love!!! They sang songs and talked about deep things and Leto and Zeus LOVED EACH OTHER!!!!! And then she was made to suffer so much for it but she never took any of it out on her kids, and then they were basically taken away from her by Olympus!!!! And she was alone again!!!! But she loves her kids so so much so she built a safe place for them on Delos to come home to!!!! And she knows she can’t protect her kids from the monster the man she loves has become but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t try!!!! Leto tries so hard!!!!! And both of her kids fucking love her with all they have!!!!!!! Family is so important to all of them despite the fact that one member has become a horrible dickwad!!!!! They love each other!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

#if you were ever wondering what I thought of Leto here you go #best woman in the world love her so much #fun fact one of the first things we know about Leto is that she convinced Zeus not to send her brother to Tartarus after the titan war #so 1. she has always protected her family like the QUEEN she is #and 2. there is a pattern of her having to persuade Zeus into not making horrible decisions #and in the beginning that worked #but as time has gone on and Zeus has become more paranoid and cruel #it works less and less because he’s not the man who would listen to her anymore #like … Zeus was probably the love of her life and he doesn’t even respect her as a person anymore #brb gonna go FUCKING CRY #Leto is not given much characterization in the books so I get to decide and I say she is Kind and always Trying and Incredible #trials of apollo #toa apollo #lester papadopoulos #pjo Leto #sunny speaks #long post

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everlarking-always · 1 year

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“I had a dream, though,” I say, thinking back. “I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice.” “Where did she take you?” he says, brushing my hair off my forehead. “I don’t know. We never arrived.” I say. “But I felt happy.” ... Peeta pulls the chain with the gold disk from around his neck. He holds it in the moonlight so I can clearly see the mockingjay. Then his thumb slides along a catch I didn’t notice before and the disc pops open. It’s not solid, as I had thought, but a locket. And within the locket are photos. […] “Your family needs you, Katniss,” Peeta says. My family. My mother. My sister. And my pretend cousin Gale. But Peeta’s intention is clear. That Gale really is my family, or will be one day, if I live. That I’ll marry him. So Peeta’s giving me his life and Gale at the same time. To let me know I shouldn’t ever have doubts about it. Everything. That’s what Peeta wants me to take from him. ... He puts the chain with the locket around my neck, then rests his hand over the spot where our baby would be. “You’re going to make a great mother, you know,” he says. ... As I drift off, I try to imagine that world, somewhere in the future, with no Games, no Captiol. A place like the meadow in the song I sang to Rue as she died. Where Peeta’s child could be safe. ....

#the hunger games #everlark #eablog gifs #eablog quotes #i always wondered why they didn't make peetas locket have the mockingay like it does in the book #and the design doesnt have any real significance which is frustrating #it vaguely looks like wheat or i thought for a while it was meant to look like the stained glass in the victors village houses #but it doesnt #putting the mockingjay on it does mean something symbolically though #like hes trying to give her the future he thinks she wants and that the rebellion might bring #but ends up also giving her the pearl which she actually cherishes #kind of by accident just because hes thoughtful which is part of why she loves him #its such a good parallel and would have been an easy visual to carry through so weird that they just didnt? for no real apparent reason?#ALSO HE WANTED TO MATCH HER WHICH IS JUST #theyre a teammm #AND the mockingjay means something different for katniss than everyone thinks #and peeta is one of the only people that seems to understand that?#for her it symbolizes family ties not the rebellion #AND HE PUTS IT ON A LOCKET WITH HER FAMILY IN IT #but she really wants to have a family with him not gale so the mockingjay still does symbolize the future and their family #so him giving it to her is significant but not in the way he thinks #AND its like hes reclaiming the mockingjay for her again in some small way when everyone is taking it for themselves and using it #i actually cannot with them

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egophiliac · 6 months

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I have SO many thoughts about everything and they are in no kind of order yet, so here's just some quick little bits in the meantime!

I am not normal about any of these characters!

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #me just staring at the ceiling thinking about anime characters #if i start talking about the big stuff now it's going to turn into a huge rambling mess so in the meantime #i did not get sebek (yet) (i need to contemplate my gems...) but i did see his groovy #he is just full-on cinderella-sparkles bibbidi-bobbidi-booing into that armor! magnificent.#and i really don't have enough words for how much i love tiny malleus. he is perfect. he is precious. he is everything to me.#he knows who his dad is no matter what some crusty dead talking ectoplasm blobs say #(man no wonder lilia's got hangups if THAT was the general attitude he was getting)#('eww you got your dirty bat cooties on the prince' go sit in the corner with mrs. rosehearts you absolute garbage)#(...i did kind of love that lilia started to wake up because the senate said one nice thing to him)#(and he immediately was like 'this is not reality')#(sounds about right)#on a lighter note i was just. SO charmed by the little throwaway about ✨dragon lord consort esteemed diplomat revaan✨#who picks the vegetables out of his food and hides them under the tablecloth #everything i learn about this man makes me like him more. he was SO dumb.#now we know where malleus gets it from i guess #also unrelated but once again the fact that i named my mc tamago has had unintentional consequences #tamago take the tamago and tamago tamagao tamago #frikkin love that when yuu gives the egg back you can just be like 'i love him. this is my baby now.' 100% accurate.#also yuu continually referring to malleus as tsunotarou even to the senate = amazing. yuu really has NO self-preservation or awareness.#they fit right in with everyone else #<- see what did i tell you. huge rambling mess.#and i haven't even BEGUN to talk about MELEANOR -- (is dragged offstage by a hook)

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markantonys · 9 months

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THE WHEEL OF TIME | 2x06

#wotedit #wot #wot on prime #the wheel of time #rand al'thor #wot show spoilers #mine #i don't wanna be too obscene here but i want him to crush me like a soda can #no wonder everyone wants him carnally!#i think we should get gratuitous shirtless rand every season because it's fanservice to me and also because it's book-accurate

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archerofunspeakablelove · 4 months

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Yassen "not sentimental" Gregorovich, who drinks grenadine because Hunter introduced him to it, who threw away his grandfather's watch because Hunter told him to, who tried to prove he was a killer because he thought Hunter wanted him to be, who was happy about the scar Hunter gave him when saving his life, who wouldn't kill Alex because he is Hunter's son, because Hunter, because Hunter, because Hunter. But sure, Yassen, you're not sentimental. We totally believe you.

#chaotic ramblings #I'm gonna start tagging these as #coster #john rider #alex rider #yassen gregorovich #russian roulette #eagle strike #kinda?#anyways reading rr rn and “i drink it to this day” punched me in the gut #bro swears off all habits apart from the ones hunter gave him #and he swears off habits BECAUSE of hunter #like for the most part he's the perfect assassin but his one weakness (after he got over not being able to kill) was John #i wonder if that's going to end up being used against him #(I'm not finished with the book yet)

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meregrin · 30 days

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my two cents are that people outside of finland (and even the more left-leaning circles in finland) are not really taking into account that an average person here doesn’t know jack shit about israel or palestine. the first and only time either of them got mentioned in my 12 years of schooling (i’m a few years younger than jere) was an optional history course focusing on post-ww2 history in my final year of high shcool. jere went to vocational school and they don’t teach history at all there so he’s relying on his junior high education which isn’t saying much considering he’s said multiple times he didn’t pay attention at school.

it doesn’t help that the mainstream reporting (which he’s forced to rely on since he doesn’t speak fluent enough english) about the palestinian genocide has been frustratingly neutral and both-sides-y here in finland. obviously some of that is due to journalistic ethics and responsibilities because our news medias can’t get their reporters within gaza’s borders and they can’t report on things unless the information comes from a reputable source or they can fact check them.

all this is to say that i'm willing to bet actual money he doesn’t even know the definition of genocide in finnish, not to mention IDF or zionism or even judaism. those things are simply not taught here and the idea of him being a zionist is laughable. i studied anthropology at university and the amount of times i’ve had to explain fairly simple concepts like colonialism or genocide to people, even highly-educated ones, is staggering. and i didn’t really understand those things either before i went to university. finland used to love to rave about our PISA scores but the truth is that the level of basic education here has been really poor for decades.

#käärijä #i’ve seen people wish he’d get educated on the matter which is fair and valid #but i can’t help but wonder how exactly given how poor the basis of his education likely is #he’s not going to be able to get through a book or even an article unless he has someone there to explain things to him #in any case you can't educate people by getting aggressive when they don’t know things #also most of the current information is in english and it's not accessible unless you're fluent #and in case it wasn't clear i'm not trying to excuse his actions cause this definitely wasn't his brightest moment #just offering some perspective here #also i specifically mention history because i think knowing how israel became a nation is crucial to understanding the current situation

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