little everlark moments that live in my head rent-free

Answered through dream

                         I woke up next to the sound of beach waves that hit the sand and rocks. Went through them and felt how the ocean tried to calm my tired feet. The salty breeze of the air that floated around me. The laughs from the innocent children who were playing with every bit of the sand and of water. These made me feel i am alive one more time, the five senses were on the process of adopting from the scenes i remember. One weird thing was my uncle Tuts with his tricycle was on the beach as well and i can see his crooked but sweet smile while looking at the children. He, then said “i got to go.” and i joined him while i was outside his tricycle waving my hands to the beautiful woman with a peaceful smile staring at us from our balcony, my mom. (Yes I can see our house from the beach) The wheels rotate through the mixture of sand and water and i could see the beautiful little sea creatures including the amusing shells i have found.The next scenario i remember is when i was on the sofa with my mom and cousin Lea. Another weird thing is they were so much look a like! Especially their nose! Cousin Lea’s nose was the same as my mom’s! and they have 2 pimples each. WEIRD RIGHT? Well anyway, let’s not give emphasis on  that. I and my mom had this conversation. I quote “ we would not relocate, would we? “ She said, “yes, because your dad would not leave us. He’ll stay for good”. As my ears heard it and my brains processed these words, i felt the satisfaction  i have always dreamed of . Finally! and Yes, it was just a dream, the satisfaction that i have felt was just because of a dream. I don’t know if i should be happy because i had a dream like that or should be disappointed because that was just a dream. But then my other conscience woke me up to the reality.

                        As i was staring at the ceiling and still processing the present data, i breathed heavily, smiled and thanked God i felt even a bit of satisfaction and fairness of life could offer. I went down  to make some breakfast and saw my dad resting on the sofa and my mom cooking in the kitchen. Mom came near by me, “I need to talk to you.” She said. Who is dumb enough to not to feel nervous whenever these words came out from our mother’s mouth? Because i am not… “What is that, that you want to talk about?” I said while on pins and needles. “Your dad’s company stopped providing the medication that is needed for your dad. and he needs 5 more medicines. the medicine consists of 250mg and each of which costs 250,000 pesos.” 250,000 pesos multiply by how many more medicines my dad is needed is a total of 1.250M. “…even we sell our house and lot, we could not afford it. I don’t know what to do” She added. Even i, don’t know what to do and what to respond to the statements she left me. Those statements make me frozen like one big rock and broken into pieces at the same time. There came some instance that my mom made me decide on whether to stop my studies or transfer to a much affordable school and neither of the choices i would choose because i am one year away to graduating and wanted to graduate from a school in which the name is known to every company so that i already have an edge into applying for a job. There may be one question in your mind that until now is not answered by yours truly. “Why does your dad need medication such as that?”: He has glioblastoma multiforme grade IV. He has a brain tumor which caused by  and came from nowhere to be found. Cancer is not in our family’s vocabulary nor in our history and yet it happened. Why my family? Why us? Why cant You give these challenges to a wealthy family who can afford unlimited medicines? How could we get through all of these? Why are You being so unfair?!! I utter these questions repeatedly feeling so furious until i feel knackered. I thought this day would be better because of the intermission my mind gone through before i got up. Until i realized maybe the dream i had is God’s answer. 

                        The dream i had wherein my mom told me that we would not relocate or go to somewhere because my dad is staying for good. The dream i had wherein i felt the more-than-satisfactory and peaceful life every people wished for. The dream i had wherein i felt like i was in a paradise and we survived the aftermath that has happened to us. Maybe that is His way to make me prepare to face the reality and trust Him for the future. Now, I could connect every bit of my dream to what just happened to me within the day. I know God has purpose and amazing plans for me and my family. I know He is preparing something better for us to face sooner or later. And I will patiently wait for the paradise comes near our home, the smile my mom gave to me, the peaceful laughter i have heard and the life that i have wished for, for a very longtime.

everlark + meaningful looks

It feels like such a luxury, sleeping with Peeta again. I didn’t realize how starved I’ve been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. I wish I hadn’t wasted the last couple of nights shutting him out. I sink down into sleep, enveloped in his warmth, and when I open my eyes again, daylight’s streaming through the windows.

everlark + hugs

“On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach, I know this would have happened anyway.”

everlark + toast babies

why bother getting engaged when you’re already married?

“I’m not used to being touched, except by Peeta or my family.”

"Together?" "Together."

peeta + “that’s my wife!”

"Peeta. Alive and well - maybe not well but alive and here. Away from Snow. Safe. Here. With me. In a minute I can touch him. See his smile. Hear his laugh."

peeta + making katniss laugh

“Besides I like watching you sleep. You don’t scowl. Improves your looks a lot.” This, of course, brings on a scowl that makes him grin.

everlark + looking at each other

peeta + crouching protectively over katniss