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bakugoushotwife · 8 months

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kinktober day two: blindfold kink

>>> day two has arrived! i hope everyone loved our debut piece with nanami yesterday! so i thought this section could be me explaining why i chose the character for the piece, but i feel like today is self-explanatory.

>>> starring: satoru gojo x curvy!fem!reader >>>cw: blindfolding duh, pervy and obsessive gojo, oral (fem receiving), pet names, begging, doggy. pining, friends to fuckers hehe >>>wc: 2.8k >>>event masterlist

it may have started out as an innocent act–something playful and charming. but unfortunately, satoru could never tolerate such innocence. not without wanting to bend it to his will, anyway, and you and your frisky antics were no exception. he’s been wanting to taint your virtue and unyielding reputation for years at this point. you’re the picture of righteousness, kind and forgiving, and oh so malleable. gojo knows you’ve been this way for years, since school, just angelic by nature. it gets on his nerves.

you banter with him, though, and he enjoys the little bit of wit you show, a sly mind cloaked behind a doll-like face, porcelain and made up to mask the little devil lurking beneath. he sees the real you, the cheeky teenager who accidentally flashed him your panties every time he complimented your hair, the cunning sorceress that uses her air of innocence and ethereal looks to manipulate your way through this wretched society. you impress him, you intrigue and confuse him. maybe he’s just another man under your spell, maybe this was your way of manipulating him, but he can’t help but think that you’ve remained close to him–or more so, kept him close to you, because he means more than anyone else. perhaps that’s just gojo’s ego acting up again, but most people agree that your continual spotlight on him had something more to it than simple friendship.

you hinted and toyed at crossing that line all the time, letting him hold your hand and buy you lunch and other gifts satoru deemed worthy of your ownership. he was powerless, simply praying for the day that you would finally release him from your spell or let him demolish this front you keep shielding the real you.

today was that day, when you stopped by his place to check on him after a mission. you frequent his home often enough that it’s no big deal, and you knew with his ability, he was unscathed as always. but still, it gave you a reason to go over. you were shocked that he hadn’t cornered you yet, pouncing on you in the confines and comfort of his own home. you enjoyed toying with him, giving him all the signs that you were interested and then feigning shock when he was overly forward. you could tell you were confusing him, and seeing the smartest and strongest and most arrogant man alive confounded by your mind games was intoxicating. but even you were getting tired of this song and dance, growing sick of only teasing. satoru was the most desirable man ever made, in your mind, and you were ready to push him so far that he couldn’t possibly keep his chivalrous and cordial facade up any longer. you knew the real him too, of course. the pervert lurking beneath the surface of the respectable sensei—the hungry eyes hidden behind the black fabric leashing that side of him to avoid detection.

the two of you were alone now, however, where the masks could come off. so when you lean up from your position on the couch a courteous distance away, folding your knees under yourself to reach for his blindfold, he lets it happen. you hear his infinity deactivate, allowing your graceful fingers to tug the black fabric loose with a giggle.

“you can really see through this with those six-eyes of yours, hm?” you hum with intrigue, dangling the eye protection from your thumb and forefinger. he smirks a bit, leaned against the arm of the couch, facing you now with his distracting gaze revealed to you. since his power wasn’t active, his eyes were a deep ocean of mysterious thoughts and emotions, swirling you around and dragging you to the dark bottom. you were lost at sea, his glossy lips pulled back in a grin. he knows you’re staring, and so do you, but he takes the opportunity to stare at you, your eyes just as bewildering to him.

he juts his chin to the blindfold, and reaches for it unceremoniously. you made it easier by sitting like that on the cushion next to him, really. he chuckles, and grabs your chin with a commanding yet gentle cup of his hand, fingers splayed across your jaw.

“sure can, lets me save some energy. i wanna see what you can see through it, yeah?” his smile is predatory, and you’re sure even total blindness would allow you to see that, but you had practically hand-crafted his feral need, succeeding in your mission to push him over the edge. he notices the way the corners of your lips twitch up in anticipation, and it only makes his grin stretch dimples in his cheeks. you nod, and his hands move quickly.

he secures the fabric around your head, and all you can see is pitch black. you reach up to feel the soft cloth, noting the scent of satoru’s lavender and cedarwood shampoo. you hear him chuckle fondly, and then you feel the cushions dip and shift, the presence of satoru gojo’s frame looming large above you, even on your knees. his breath fans across your face, and you can tell he’s still looking at you like a wolf eyes an unsuspecting deer. except he knows you’re no frail doe—no you’re a fellow wolf, playing amongst the rest of them. he can tell by your outfit that you’ve thrown in the towel, surrendering to his advances and finally letting him warp that shallow image of girlish innocence you show everyone else. a skimpy little dress, the fabric no thicker than the one wrapped around your face and definitely not enough to conceal your hardened nipples. he wonders where to start with you—admiring your anxious squirms of anticipation, the way your head is cocked up towards his, awaiting his touch.

he has half the mind to toy with you the way you’ve played with him over the years, but try as he might, he knows you hold all the power. you always have, and this is his only chance to prove that he deserves a promotion. you feel his cool fingers scrape against the skin of your shoulders, sliding the straps of your dress to dangle across your biceps. he hums pleasantly, tugging the front down. you hiss at the brisk air rushing across your chest, feeling your nipples tighten almost painfully so. you can hear the smile in his voice as his hands cup your tits, everything feeling so much more intense with one of your senses taken away from you.

“oh how sad it makes me to know you’ve kept these locked up this long…” he sighs, squeezing the mounds in his hands. he enjoys the way they fill his palms, jiggling so prettily he rewards you by brushing his calloused thumbs over your pebbled buds. he earns a whine from you in response, making him grin devilishly. he figured you were sensitive, even the slightest of touches resulted in the needy jolts of your body. it made his cock jump in his pants, painfully pressing against the zipper. he stares at you, groaning aloud just from the sight of your perky boobs. he doesn’t know if he can make it through this, countless loads have been blown in your honor over the years—he has millions of fantasies and no clue how to keep from cumming in his pants. he leans over, caressing his large hands down your sides as his mouth sucks a taut nipple into his warm mouth. his eyes momentarily flutter shut at the sweet gasp you give him, your hands feebly feeling around for something to hold onto. he guides your hands to his hair, humming against your chest to encourage you in pulling it.

you didn’t need to be told twice, tugging at the silky locks and arching your way deeper in his mouth. he chuckles at you, grazing your cute sensitive skin and letting his hands fall even further. you nod your approval at his new grip, his hands spanning the entire width of your ass. he loves the way the fat feels in his hold, and the way you desperately push yourself forward for more of him has him releasing your tit in favor of sucking a deep bruise in the skin, dick aching at the lewd squeals you make at the feeling of his teeth sinking into your flesh. you slide your hands down his back, huffing your displeasure at feeling his shirt under your fingertips. he chuckles at your neediness, releasing you to take his shirt off. you hear it fall to the floor, and then you feel a weight—satoru’s weight— shift off the couch. his chuckle seems far away, and you realize he’s walking away.

“i figure we’ll need more space, no? i can’t fuck you over the couch like i want, ‘s too low. follow me.” he smirks, leaning against the door of his bedroom down the hallway. even from here, he could see your features screw up in displeasure, and he doesn’t repress the laugh that follows. he knows if he could see those captivating eyes of yours, they’d be ripping him apart. he shoved the coffee table out of your way, making sure you had a straight shot to him, for whatever points that earns him. “just follow the sound of my voice.” he sings.

you huff your frustration, but push yourself off the couch. your dress falls to your waist, the shelf of your curves keeping it from dropping completely. he smirks at the way you swing your hips, stomping towards him with the clear confidence that he wouldn’t allow you to hurt yourself. you’re stopped by the brick wall that is satoru, and he takes your hands. “good girl. do you trust me?”

it was a little late for that, but you nod. he squeezes your hands, dropping them to pull your dress over your hips and into the floor with a woosh. “fuck, you are so beautiful,” he groans, running his hands over the dips of your body, stare locked on your leaking pussy. he smiles at this, he had hardly touched you. “dripping already, baby?” he teases, dropping to his knees to taste you. he just couldn’t help himself, not with your dopey unsuspecting grin and your arousal for him so obviously running down your thighs.

he could do anything he wanted to you, and you’d have no choice but to allow it. you’re lucky he worships you, or he’d leave you in the room by yourself, only coming in to use you as a cocksleeve and leave again, rendering you a sloppy cum-filled mess. maybe another time, you do look sexy in the blindfold after all.

“of course, sato. been waiting for you to make a move for years.” you giggle softly, teasing him still. you know you’ve dangled the promised fruit and taken it away before he had the chance to take a bite. so he does that now, grabbing the thick sides of your thighs to pull them apart. he scrapes his teeth against your plush skin, groaning at the scent of your sopping pussy so close. you gasp softly, back colliding against the wood paneling of his door. he doesn’t give you time to adjust, sliding his tongue through your cute lower lips, sighing contently at the taste of you. he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself past this, never again would he be able to play the perfect gentleman. you stabilize yourself with a grip on his shoulders, the room filled with slurps and moans from a man receiving his own type of pleasure from giving you yours. he grips himself over his pants, willing himself to be strong enough to wait for your sweet cunt. he licks and nibbles on the sensitive bundle hidden by your hood, relishing in how easy it is to make your legs shake around his face. he moans happily, wanting you to know how much he enjoys feasting on your box. you’re clawing at his freckled shoulders, unable to resist mewling and panting, grinding your hips down on his nose as his tongue slips in your hole. it’s the perfect storm, making your legs feel so wobbly you trust only his grip on your dimpled thighs to hold you upright.

“oh wow–gon’ cum soon, sato, can i?” you whimper, hands cupping your chest to try to replicate the sensation his mouth gave you there. he hums his approval, squeezing your thighs so tightly he knows there will be gojo sized handprints there tomorrow. your moan is so sweet when you release on his face, he has to fight cumming in his jeans again. it’s so like him to not give you any recovery time, picking you up over his shoulder and carrying you to the bed.

“apologies for the roughness, sweetheart. just fighting a losing battle here, you have no idea what you do to me.” he growls, laying you over the mattress and turning you to your stomach. he was throwing you around like a ragdoll, dragging you to all fours before you hear the sound of his belt unbuckling. you’re shaking with anticipation, arching your back to make it as easy as possible. your cunt is glistening, making him drool with excitement as he steps out of his pants. his length is pressing through your folds, sliding through your wetness to bump his tip against your clit. you cry out your impatience, to which he chuckles his amusement. “need something, gorgeous?” he pouts on your behalf.

you nod eagerly, reduced to begging as your eyes sting with tears. his cock sliding against you told you he was huge, like you suspected, the strokes of lightning coursing through your body just from his tip nudging your clit was borderline pathetic, you needed more before you lost your mind, already feeling the torture of not being able to see him take you for the first time. “please, fuck, satoru—i need you so bad im gonna start cryin’ soon! pleasepleaseplease–”

he shoves in with a mischievous giggle, another bruising handle made of your hips. your messy cunt sucked him in greedily, satin walls hugging him so tight his mouth dropped open. “fuck, angel, you feel so good—better ‘n i imagined.” he sighs out, his hips flush against the fat of your ass—filling you to the brim. you’re on your tiptoes as he starts to slam into you flat footed, nothing but his own force plowing into your cunt, his curved cock bumping against your womb with every slap of his balls.

you’re a lost cause, your brain scrambled as your fist the covers below you. you wish you could respond with something more than wails of pleasure, but you can’t gather any thoughts to speak of. all you could feel was his dick rearranging your guts, his hands searing their brand on your body. he loves the way you crumble, unable to see and now speak. it makes his cock jump against your spongy need. he knew he couldn’t last much longer, especially at this punishing pace, but it was worth it to see you rendered dumb on his bed, spread wide with your ass rippling on his shaft. it was glorious, the pride he felt in claiming you as his spread warmth through his body, and his release was near.

“gonna make me cum, princess. gonna let me cum in you? make you mine for good, yeah?” he purrs, his hands reaching up to fist your hair so he could get some sort of response from you. he pulls you into a prettier arch, your pliable body too jelly to hold the position yourself. “hm? answer please.”

you do your best to nod, making some strangled sound of approval. you clench down around him, keeping him trapped in you anyway. it sends him reeling, with a high-pitched grunt he paints your walls with his seed, letting himself cover your body with his. he kisses your shoulder blade, the two of you in sync as you heave for breath. you’re smiling softly, and he pulls the blindfold off you to reveal his beaming and sweaty form looking down on you with such fondness your heart and pussy throb. he leans up to give you a proper kiss now, looking absolutely heaven-sent. some of the longer pieces of his hair stuck to his forehead and cheekbones and his lower lip was swollen and red, where he had no doubt been gnawing at it. you kiss him hungrily, and you feel him harden within you again.

“you did so good, baby girl.” he says once he pulls away, grinning at the softness of your kisses. he wanted to spoil you too, praise your body for the pleasure you bring him—now that you’ve finally let yourself be his. “now that was fucking…let me make love to you this time.” he coos, making you both giggle as he turns you to your back for yet another demonstration of his undying love–and insatiable desire.

#kylee's kinktober event #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #kyleewritesjjk #satoru gojo #gojo smut #gojo satoru smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojou satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #blindfolding kink #gojo x blindfolding

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anki-of-beleriand · 4 months

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Bad Liar ch. 17

Summary: Life is about lessons, and Wanda has been learning some harsh facts that had define her life and taken her to a place in which she was given a second chance. Then, all of a sudden, she meets you, and she realizes why it's easier to lie to yourself than to accpet what's right in front of her.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff/ Female!reader - America/Kate - Mentions of past Vision/Wanda - past Natasha/Reader - Some Female!Reader/Carol Danvers - Mentions of Natasha/Maria being married

Warnings: Slow burn - Enemies to friends to lovers - Mentions of abusive relationships - Toxic relationships - angst - drama - mentions of abuse - violence - mentios of abused and sexual assault - idiots in love - violence - suggestive themes - drama - angst - fluff - top!reader - dom!reader - bottom!Wanda - switch!Wanda

Author's note: Life is settling down after what happened, America is growing up and ready to face the consequences of what happened. Wanda is letting go of the past while Reader is just being her showing Wanda happiness and love it is possible.

So sorry for the late posting, guys. Life was a little harder this week that what I was used to, and something happened that really got me anxious and a little bit...I mean, I was not in a good place, but hopefully everything is better now and here is the new chapter! Just one chapter to go and this story would be over. I hope you like it because I made it with my heart!

Please rmemeber English is not my mother tongue so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes, hope you like this one.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18

Chapter 17

The promise of the future

You never thought that going back home would be so difficult for you or even America. The place had been tied up and changed after the incident, with different furniture and painting you had allowed America free reign on her imagination to make the necessary changes into the living room.

The world had not stopped turning around, the news was still rolling on the TV and people were enjoying the weekend of the new year. You stood by your sister's side with a hand on her shoulder, America tensed lowering her gaze furrowing her brows before turning to you.

“What do you want to do?” Her question came with a trembling voice, she sighed, shaking her head while looking away from you.

You turned to look at Wanda's place then back at yours.

“I was thinking about vacations.” You hugged America, winking at her, “we could ask Tony about the cottage he had in Italy.”

America offered a shaky smile, “Italy?”

“Yeah, we could get away from this place for a while and then…get a new house.”

America chuckled, stepping away from you. You waited, ever since the both of you left the hospital America had tried to evade the topic of what had happened while she was under the claws of Agatha and Vision. The young woman scratched the back of her neck, with her eyes sweeping around the front yard. Her teeth playing with her lower lip, her feet taking slow steps towards the front door only to stop midway before turning to you.

“You don’t have to.” She finally said frowning, “it was difficult but not the end of the world, I…Hope offered her help, and I acceded to see a friend of hers that could be of help.”

You nodded curtly taking a few steps closer to her, “you know that even though we grew here we are allowed to leave, right?”

America snorted hugging you tightly, she knew it. She knew you would do everything in your power to make sure she was comfortable and that whatever traumatic event she had gone through could be healed and forgotten. Selling the house and even offering a vacation was your way to make things easier for her, but America had already talked this through with Christine and Hope. She had been scared, but more than that, she had felt powerless to help Kate, to help the twins and even to help Wanda.

“I know that, and perhaps in the future when I go to college you can think about it.” She replied shrugging, “I know you’re dying to get that Villa near Tony’s place, because you had always wanted a huge house with a pool and a bigger playroom.”

Your eyes glistened over with your lips curling into a content smile at the mental image these words evoke in you. America rolled her eyes, but she too could imagine the same; it was something she wouldn’t say no to when the both of you were ready, not because a bad experience marked their lives and they were doing it because of that. She had felt powerless to help the people she loved, but America would be damned if she allowed that man and that freaking woman to govern her decisions from now on.

“I want you to be comfortable, and happy.”

“I know, Y/N, and I am.” America nodded towards the house before pointing a finger at you, “come we need to get everything ready before we pick Wanda and the twins up.”

You watched as your sister went inside the house with the same determination she did everything else. Hope had already told you of the conversation the both of them held while you were unconscious, America had been angered by the whole situation and it took her a while to understand that there was no one else to blame but Vision and Agatha.

Kate had been the one to convince America to go to therapy for a while, just to perhaps let go of the growing fear and darkness the situation itself had created in both of them. You were thankful that America had always surrounded of good friends, and that you had always had someone by your side as well. Everyone seemed understanding, and while the situation was still fresh in your minds, you knew you would be okay.

“Come on, slowpoke!!” America screamed from inside the house, you rolled your eyes and followed her thinking about what would happen once Wanda was out of the hospital.

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Wanda glanced at her reflection with a critical eye.

She scowled openly to the bruises around her neck and face, the paleness of her skin and the tiredness behind her eyes. She had spent the first weekend of the year in the hospital, waiting for the doctors to clear her up and sent her home while you and America took care of the twins while coming every day to visit her.

It had been hard.

While you had offered her the best end of the year and had been keeping your word of being by her side. Wanda couldn’t help the nightmares at night, when she was alone with her thoughts and the shadows of the past trying to crawl back inside her heart and mind. She placed a hand on her chest, holding tightly the sudden oppression threatening to cut of the air from her lungs. She clenched her jaw refusing the tears in her eyes, or the thoughts of fear that had creeped out once more. She had tried to hold onto what Hope had been teaching her in the therapy sessions, while also holding onto the bright side of her life.

Billy. Tommy. You. America and her students.

Wanda let out a shaky sigh before turning around and leaving the bathroom, you straightened up offering a half smile while holding up the bag with Wanda’s clothes.

“I put everything away, ready to do laundry duty as soon as we get home.” You walked towards her giving her a once over wiggling your brows, “you look nice.”

Wanda rolled her eyes, her lips curling slightly.

“You’re such a sweet talker,” she leaned in kissing your cheek, “it will get you everywhere.”

You blushed with your mouth hanging opened at the cheeky wink Wanda sent your way stepping out of the room, you snorted running to catch up to her.

The ride home was filled with music; Wanda kept her eyes out of the window watching the world pass rapidly through the window while you drove down the highway before taking the long way home. You caught the small smile adorning Wanda’s lips when you made the right turn, she sighed leaning back against the seat letting her eyes drink into the trees and the forest surrounding the road while watching the blue sky right above her head.

Wanda knew she needed to get home, Billy and Tommy were waiting for her. And life had to keep going, but something inside her stirred with fear and memory. She tried to keep away the words Vision had said to her, the feeling of his breath and hand on her, everything that the man had imprinted on her. Wanda clenched her eyes closed trying to erase those memories while replacing them with the beautiful sight in front of her, and the songs playing on the radio.

You creased your brows noticing the sudden change in Wanda, your eyes glanced at the road lighting up when you caught side of the road sign you usually dismissed when driving down that highway. You looked through the mirror before turning left, Wanda frowned turning to you slightly confused.

“Where are we going?” She asked softly, you smiled at her driving just a little faster until there was only one single road taking you deeper into a forestry area.

“You will see.”

Wanda opened her mouth to reply, her heart almost leaving her chest when she realised you made a turn she was not familiar with. For a brief moment she thought how foolish she had been. As long as she was with you everything would be fine, but the memories were not so easy to dismiss and she decided that at the moment she needed the comfort your warm stare usually brought to her.

The driving didn’t take far too long, soon you were turning left then right and then another right until you drove into an open space leading to a great cliff. Wanda opened her eyes glancing at the open sky with growing clouds approaching the city, she leaned forward until she saw the sight of the big city down into the valley. You stopped the car turning off the engine while resting comfortably on the seat, your lips drawing a small smile.

“Is this the place you used to bring your girlfriends?” Wanda asked at your side, you couldn’t help but laugh shaking your head.

“No, I never brought anyone here.” You confessed shrugging, “this was my little secret, I used to come here to think from time to time. Just me, it was comforting. I thought you may appreciate it.”

There was something stirring with deep affection in Wanda’s heart, the young woman snuggled on the car seat this time around turning completely so she could face you while still have her eyes take into the amazing view spreading before them.

“I don't know how to continue,” she all but whispered to you, her eyes glistening with the deepest of her emotions flickering in her green eyes, “I keep on thinking of my mistakes, the secrets I kept…I should have told you the dangers he posed to me and you.”

Silence filled the car, your eyes never leaving the sky above your heads. You pressed your lips together, your hands resting on the wheel, playing a soft tapping with your mind working on what to say. Wanda closed her eyes, looking away from you the afternoon falling slowly with the tension building up around the both of you.

“One day at a time, Wands, there is nothing much we can do.” You shrugged, lowering your head, still looking everywhere but at Wanda, “I didn't expect you to tell me everything right away, but I suspected as much. This was not your fault, Wanda. And this doesn't mean I love you any less.”

The word love rolled out of your tongue with such an easiness, Wanda couldn’t help but gasp with her eyes opening wide and her lower lip trembling slightly. You snorted shaking your head while leaning in your face just a few centimetres away from hers.

“You’re not used to hearing such words, are you?”

“No.”

Wanda leaned closer, her eyes fluttering close for a moment before she allowed your eyes to lock with hers. You lifted a tentative hand to cup her face, tenderness was quite evident in your features and Wanda allowed the warmth of your body to bring a soothing calmness she was not familiar with.

“I love you, Wanda.” You whispered only for her to engrave those words in her heart, “perhaps it is too soon, but for some reason, I just love you. I feel in love with you, and I don’t think there is nothing I can do against my feelings for you but make sure you feel loved, the way you deserved to be loved.”

Wanda swallowed down her words and tears, she offered a tentative smile before closing the gap between the both of you her lips dancing shyly with yours. Her heart beating fast, almost escaping her ribcage while she melted under your hands; you didn’t need to say anything else for her to know you certainly did love her. And she knew soon she would be ready to say those same words to you.

“It will take time, but you will heal.” You winked at her, your fingertips brushing against her cheek and jawline until your brows creased finding the marks on her neck.

“Some marks take time to…fade away.” Wanda mumbled slightly mortified by her wounds, she tried to lean back and hide away from you until her breath caught on her throat with her eyes growing big and her body tensing completely.

She felt the contact of your forehead against hers, the gesture was comforting and it made her experience an emotion she was not completely familiar with. Wanda’s heart fluttered affectionately surrendering to your gaze. She opened her lips ready to speak, but her words got tangled in her throat leaving her unable to express what she really wanted. What she really felt.

It didn't matter, though.

You were still there offering the same reassuring smile, and the same comforting touch. Wanda had to wonder how you did it, how was it possible for you to offer so much without asking for anything in exchange.

“We never got to have the date I planned.” Wanda said all of a sudden, you leaned back with amusement gleaming in your eyes.

“That's right,” you cocked your head wiggling your eyebrows, “and I got curious about it, what did you have planned?”

Wanda dipped her head with her lips curling into a tender smile, she straightened up on the seat glancing outside the window.

“It's a secret, I guess I just have to plan it all over again so we can go.” Wanda sighed, still looking away from you. “Of course, if you want to…I mean, if you still want to go out. With me.”

The last part was said in a broken whisper, Wanda shifted on the seat creasing her brows while making sure her eyes were glancing at the city. The light of the day was soon fading away, and the city was starting to light up the artificial lights.

“I would love nothing more than to go out with you, Wanda.” You replied with a tender smile on your lips, Wanda shivered trying to smile at you but failing.

The old insecurities were still there and you knew the work Wanda had done in the last couple of months had been shaken but the recent events. You could see her self-doubt, her uncertainty and the lost stare she gained after leaving the hospital. The bruises were pretty much visible at the moment, the pain was still pulsating through her body and Wanda was just trying to hold onto her sanity and her own determination to not fall into desperation.

You lifted a hand slowly, your eyes seeking out those green eyes of Wanda. After a moment of hesitation, Wanda finally lifted her face looking at you expectantly. Her eyes flickered to your hand, then to your face.

“I was thinking…” Wanda winced, her throat sore and dried bringing discomfort to her voice.

You let your arm lifted for a moment before dropping it to the side to grab the bottle of water you brought early in the day.

“Thank you.” She mumbled almost dropping the bottle of water when you tenderly brush the spot on her neck.

Her breath caught on her throat, trembling lightly with a mixture of emotions tingling through her body. Her face heated up, following with your eyes the movements of your arms and your own expression while mapping out the dark bruises on her neck.

“Y/N…” your name left her lips tenderly, with some uncertainty that called your attention.

You frowned, stopping any movement from your hand, your eyes flickering from the bruises to her face.

“I'm sorry, did it bother you? I just…”

“No, no it's just…”

You broke into an easy smile that Wanda returned without losing her blush. She bit her lower lip, without any doubt behind her gestures she grabbed your hand placing it on the left side of her neck.

“You surprised me, that's all.” Wanda sighed looking away for a moment before continuing. “I'm not used to such tenderness.”

You tensed lightly, your eyes flashing with anger before they softened lightly. Wanda offered a crooked smile, this time around she let go of your hand embracing herself.

“With you, everything is…different and sometimes I just can't believe this is happening.”

“May I try something out?” You asked suddenly, Wanda narrowed her eyes at the sudden flush showing on our face. Your fingertips trembled, with your lips pressed together while your eyes travelled from her face to her neck then back again.

“What are you going to do?” Wanda couldn't help the tone of wariness and curiosity; she tilted her head and your eyes gleamed strangely falling on her neck.

“Just something to show you how you should be treated, how you should be cherished.”

It was the husky tone behind your words what made Wanda tremble, she swallowed down her trepidation with a tingling void taking home in her abdomen.

You waited patiently, your fingertips never leaving the soft skin of Wanda's neck. For a moment, Wanda just thought of her possibilities, of what exactly you were planning. Then her eyes went to your own bruises, to the wound on your hand and arm and she softened lightly. If there was anyone she trusted more than herself, that was you.

“Okay, you…you can try it, would I…I mean, is it dangerous?”

You snickered, shaking your head, this time around there was a glint of mischief in your eyes. Wanda felt her stomach do a flip, and soon she let out a gasp while her hands clenched into a fist with her eyes fluttering close to the sensations you were creating with your mouth.

She never imagined you would lean in to place your lips on her pulse point, nor that you would start leaving open-mouthed kisses that went to draw the marks left on her neck. Wanda was not sure what to do with her hands, her body went rigid but her lower stomach and her heart were tingling over with an emotion she was not familiar with.

You let your lips mapped out her skin, brushing lightly while letting your free hand cup her face tenderly. You wished to let Wanda know she was loved that not all touches directed at her were meant to harm or to mark, that she deserved the tenderness you were trying to show.

You didn’t know what got into you, the only thing you knew for certain was that Wanda needed love, she needed to understand how wonderful she was. How she deserved happiness, and that no number of wounds or injuries from her past should get in the way of her new life. And thus, without any thoughts in your mind you leaned in to kiss away her neck your lips dancing tentatively on the bruised skin.

Wanda trembled under your touch, she let her hands wrapped around your arms her lips parting slightly while her body ignited with a fire she was no familiar with. Just as you started you finished it, leaning back with your heart hammering against your chest, your cheeks flustered and a timid smile adorning your lips.

Wanda was not in a better state, she was trembling with her face completely red and her breathing erratic. She could not hide her lust, nor the complete affection those green eyes shot at you as soon as she opened them.

You opened your mouth to speak, but whatever you were going to say was cut short by Wanda kissing you harshly. You welcomed her in your arms, allowing the passion she was trying to contain while kissing her back with the same need she was showing.

The afternoon finally gave way to the night, and while you allowed Wanda the control of the kiss you could feel her tears wetting your face. Until she could not continue and allowed herself the relief of your arms, unable to say what she had been trying to tell you for a very long time.

I love you.

______________

Wanda held onto the blanket, her eyes dancing around her room while the silver light of the moon sneaked into the room.

The nightmare was still fresh in her mind, the shadows of the past haunting her in her sleep. Wanda let out a sigh putting the blankets away before sitting up, she was no longer tired and sleep was not an option, her eyes fell on her mobile showing the hour.

4 a.m.

The silence of the early hours of the day was deafening to her ears, Wanda turned around and decided a trip to the kitchen was a good idea. She put on some sweatpants, a hoodie and left her room with the memory of her nightmare dancing around in her mind.

The morning came with light snowing, the new year had come and gone bringing with it a world of possibilities Wanda never thought possible before. She grabbed the mug tightly around her hands, her eyes watching the snowflakes fall on her backyard.

Wanda blew some steam out of her mug, her mind soon bringing over the memories of the day before. Your words, your smile, your touches; last day she had experienced a deep affection and protectiveness she had never felt before. The passion you had ignited in her with your kisses and your tenderness had made her soul tremble with want, but she had not dared to move forward and confessed what you had done so freely.

I love you. I'm in love with you.

Wanda couldn't help the smile breaking at the memory, without a single doubt she felt the veracity of those words whenever she was close to you. Whenever you went with her, or helped her children, or you simply were yourself.

The young woman wished she could say it back to you, that she wasn't so afraid to be open and confessed the love she was feeling for you. Wanda wished things were easier, but she was still afraid. She had failed not only once, but twice and now that she was freed of her past, she was afraid of messing up a third time.

“You couldn't sleep either?” America crossed her arms putting the heavy coat closer to her body, she glanced at Wanda from her yard not really sure if her presence would be welcomed by the older woman.

Wanda glanced at America with eyes wide open, she tilted her head shrugging lightly.

“Not really.” Wanda all but replied with an effort, she hesitated for a moment before adding, “I have a nightmare.”

America made a face nodding, “yeah, me too.”

Wanda could see the indecision in America's face, she lifted her mug before patting the spot beside her. America tilted her head and for that moment Wanda could see the same gesture you did when you were weighing your options. The young woman turned to her house before stepping closer and moving past the side door to Wanda's yard.

The snow kept on falling, America sat down furrowing her brows while watching at the sky. She could feel the eyes of Wanda on her, and the memory of her harsh words resounded in her mind. Before going to you, America had made sure to share her thoughts with the redhead, she made sure to let Wanda know America was not happy with what had happened.

“I'm sorry.” America finally said huffing while turning to the shocked woman.

America shifted on the spot furrowing her brows.

“Back in the hospital I just…I was stressed out, and finding out about this man and my sister, I was…”

“I know, I understand.” Wanda replied, placing a tentative hand on top of America's one. “You don't have to apologise.”

America shook her head frowning deeply, “but I do! Look I was unfair, when I was trapped in my house and then when I got to the hospital, I was partially blaming you for everything.”

Wanda winced ready to speak but America was firm on her explanation. She put her hand on top of Wanda's making sure to be as open as she could with her expressions.

“Y/N is the only family I have left, and I love her dearly. She has sacrificed so much for me, I just couldn't bear the thought of her suffering or losing her in any way.” America huffed, shaking her head with her eyes taking in the visible wounds on the woman before her.

“I never thought how much you and Billy and Tommy suffered all this time.” America confessed; Wanda tensed not wanting to interrupt America in the middle of her rant. “And after I got to see him, and everything I heard afterwards. I was not fair to you, I'm sorry I screamed at you and…that I was mad for something you couldn't control.”

Wanda shook her head offering a tiny smile to the young woman sitting beside her.

“There is nothing to be sorry for, America, I understand why you did it and I never hold it against you.” Wanda huffed, turning to see the snow fall, “I'm also sorry you and Kate had to live that, I wish things had been different. That he…”

America nodded curtly, and Wanda just shrugged.

“I guess right now he is where he must be, and he won't be hurting me or my children or even you and your sister anytime soon.” Wanda took a long sip from her tea, she glanced at the clear beverage before offering some to America.

The young woman grabbed the mug in her hands, she placed her elbows on her knees shivering lightly while glancing at the frozen ground.

“You really make my sister happy; you know?” She whispered pursing her lips a little.

“She makes me happy, and sometimes I just think I don’t deserve it.” Wanda cleared her throat wincing lightly when the old pain came bothering her again, “I never got to take her out, you know?”

“I know, I bet she would have loved the date you planned out for her.”

“You think so?” Wanda inquired with a hint of doubt in her voice, America nodded enthusiastically her lips curling lightly.

“You guys should really try it this time around, I mean now that everything is back to…” America was about to say normal, but the truth was nothing was normal anymore. Things were different, but they didn’t feel normal.

Wanda leaned back with hint of determination gleaming in her green eyes, she smiled lightly nodding to herself.

“Then, you should help me out.” Wanda turned to America who had her brows raised and eyes slightly opened. “I mean, I will have to plan it all over again, but this time around I want it to be perfect for her, I want to…”

Wanda didn’t finish her thought, but for America there was no need to. America could see the affection there as well as the will to offer you a perfect date. Silence fell between the both of them, no more words were needed it and America could see how little by little her family had grown in such a small amount of time.

She wished upon the falling snow for everything to finally fall into place and happiness to be possible again.

This time around, she also wished for Wanda, Tommy and Billy to be part of that happiness and to allow you and her to be part of that family.

_______________________________

Time passed slowly with the recovery of the wounds and the unstoppable meetings with Hope.

Wanda realized the nightmares were back, and she had to face the ghost of her past and her present while finally speaking about what had happened during those hours in which Vision had come back to her life. Hope was always patient, telling the young woman that the progressed she had made was still there but that the current fear and uncertainty she was feeling was just natural and in a matter of time she would let go and move on.

Wanda wished it was easier, and faster.

As of late being closer to you had been easier yet allowing you a single touch was difficult to experience. A part of her, the one that sound eery familiar, told her she didn’t deserve your affection much less the tenderness behind your touch. Wanda was afraid that her insecurities would finally push you away and she would be like at the beginning, alone.

“You have to be patience as well, Wanda,” Hope tilted her head smiling softly at her, “Y/N would never get tired of showing you her affection, and she knows and understands what you and your children are going through. You have told me of the conversations you both held regarding this situation.”

“Yes, but I just…” Wanda passed a hand through her hair, she turned to the window watching as the cold sun of winter sneaked through the clouds, “I’m just afraid she will get tired eventually, that I won’t be able to change this.”

Here she pointed to her chest, clenching her fist while growling lowly. Hope observed the young woman for a very long time, this was not a new discussion and in the last two weeks had been the main topic around their sessions.

“How is going with the planning of the date? Have you gotten what you need?” Hope asked trying to divert the topic to something that would ignite the flames of hopefulness in Wanda.

Wanda stopped her frustration giving way to a tender smile, her eyes softened nodding lightly.

“Yes, actually this time around I got America and her friends helping me out with the planning,” Wanda chuckled taking a seat, “they really are good teens, and I just need to pay the last part and I will be able to finally get her to the date I promise.”

“She will love it, you know that, right?”

“You think so?” Wanda pursed her lips resting her chin on her hand, “America told me she really loved this, and I just…God, she had been so good to me and my children, and I just…”

Hope waited for Wanda to continue but the other woman merely trailed off shrugging. Wanda wanted to be perfect for you, she wanted to make sure that what she was doing for you was enough to let you see how much she loved you. Wanda wanted to make sure that she was the right person for you, that in this new adventure she was enough.

“You are enough.” Hope commented offhandedly, ignoring the stare coming from Wanda, “but you need to start believing it yourself and giving yourself the chance to experience this.”

“I know.” She mumbled letting her hand rubbed her neck, “I’m really trying, you know? I don’t want this to consume the time I could spend with my children, with Y/N and with my new friends.”

Hope shrugged offering a comforting smile, “we have seen your efforts, Wanda. Don’t sell yourself short because this is not moving at the speed you want it, be patient and persistent. That’s the secret.”

Wanda sighed breaking into an easy smile when her eyes fell on her mobile and a new message appeared on the screen. Hope chuckled recognizing the name, and her eyes went to the clock on the wall. Right on time.

“I guess this is it for today, isn’t it?” Hope said chuckling when Wanda nodded putting the mobile away.

“I don’t know how to thank you for your help.” Wanda stood up waiting until Hope got to her to wrap her into a comforting hug.

“Nonsense. At the end of the day, Wanda, you are my friend as well and the important thing is for you to be and to feel safe.” Hope winked at her nodding to the door. “Now go, I bet they are waiting for you.”

Wanda nodded turning around and leaving the practice. Hope shook her head making her way towards the window where she could see you were standing right on the sidewalk with Tommy and Billy by your side grinning widely holding some posters on their hands. Wanda put a hand on her mouth, laughing before hugging her children while leaning into your embrace as well. Hope smiled tenderly watching the scene with fondness, you really were pretty much in love with the woman and your every action was to ensure her happiness.

Time was all you and her needed. Of that, Hope was completely sure.

The cold of winter came crashing against Wanda, but whatever coldness she was experimenting was soon forgotten when the warm of your hug and the arms of her children engulfed her completely. She couldn’t help but smile when you planted a single kiss on her lips, and her children snickered calling out to her with posters in their hands.

“What are you guys doing here?” Wanda took the first poster that Billy had made, it was a drawing of their home decorated with many toys and colours representing her, Tommy, America and even Y/N.

“Y/N thought you missed us, and we decided to come and invite you to some snacks.” Tommy said also presenting Wanda with his own drawing. “And, she said you need support.”

“And thus, they did this for you.” You continued grinning, “this is mine, but of course not as good as theirs.”

In your you had written a single declaration of beauty and love in Sokovian, Wanda softened at the words and the drawings not being able to take her smile off of her face. She breathed softly when your lips found hers, her laughter breaking the moment when she heard Tommy and Billy making gagging sounds.

“Ugh, no, mommy!” Billy grabbed Wanda by her hand shaking his head, “come on!! I’m hungry!”

“Me too!”

You chuckled wiggling your brows while winking at Wanda, “come, America is waiting for us and then, once we have them distracted I will kiss you again.”

Wanda flushed but she decided she wouldn’t wait, instead of letting you go she grabbed you by your hand and placed a singe kiss on your lips. You blinked away your shock, while the twins merely snickered covering their mouths.

“Now, where are you taking me guys?”

“We’re going to the park!” The twins screamed running towards the car, you smiled at Wanda who merely blinked confused at you.

“The amusement park.” You clarified scratching the back of your head, “they have this new carnival and I thought you guys would like it.”

Wanda let her eyes wandered to her children then back at you, her heart shrank under your stare and the innocent happiness behind her children. She nodded stretching her hand to grab your right hand in hers.

“We’ve never been to one, so I’m pretty sure we would love it.”

“Good, then let’s go!”

__________________

The park was located it in the southern part of the city.

Winter was the perfect time to bring forth the ice-skating rinks, the place was filled with families and friends enjoying the falling afternoon light and the bright lights from the different attractions. Wanda felt her heart jumped anxiously when she lost sight of Tommy and Billy only to see them talking animatedly with Kate and America.

It didn’t take too long for her to see the familiar faces of her students, and some of your friends walking around the place while sharing a good time. You intertwined your fingers with hers, smiling softly at her while leading her to the closest food stand. You glanced around seeing as America shook her head while negotiating with the twins, Wanda leaned closer to you offering the same tender smile she reserved for you.

“This is amazing.”

“You liked it?” You asked softly, Wanda nodded squeezing your hand reassuringly.

“I do.”

“Good, I was thinking of doing something different with you and the twins, I know as of late you have been stressing out and they haven’t slept well.” You lowered your gaze to the menu, sensing as Wanda tensed by your side.

“You knew?” She turned to America then back at you, your lips broke into a crooked smile shrugging.

“I suspect as much.” You sighed pointing at the combo for a hot dog and soda, “this one look fine, what do you say?”

“It has been difficult but, nothing we can’t deal with.” Her tone of voice had improved since new year, but sometimes you could catch the scratching of her throat and the fading wound Vision had left on her.

“You know I’m here for you and the twins, don’t you?” You faced the young woman, this time around forgetting all about the food and focusing your attention on Wanda.

Wanda shifted letting go of your hand, she felt the cold breeze of the afternoon sneaked inside her clothing. She shivered missing the warmness your hand was providing, though if she were to be honest with herself, it wasn’t your hand. It was you. All of you.

“I know.” Wanda lowered her gaze, her arms wrapping around herself. “Sometimes it’s just difficult for me to know…to actually realise I’m not alone. And that…”

She trailed off when a young man came from behind the counter asking for your order. Wanda observed with care just as you asked for her favourites, while also making sure to ask for Billy and Tommy’s favourites. You knew them so well, Wanda wondered why she had never noticed how attentive you were, how much you knew about them without any difficulties.

You need to let go, and give yourself a chance.

Wanda had already had this conversation before, and she had already fought over with herself against the uncertainty that these new emotions and this new relationship might bring to her life. With a softening heart she sneaked her arm around yours leaning closer to you, you lifted your brows surprised by the gesture but smiling smugly at her closeness.

“Which one is your favourite?” Wanda asked all of a sudden, you furrowed your brows pursing your lips before speaking.

“I like it spicy; you know? No pineapple because, yuck,” Wanda chuckled taking into your every word, “and I like all the sauces I can get my hands on.”

“So basically, a hot dog that may kill you in the near future or get you an upset tummy?” Wanda commented shaking her head, you rolled your eyes shrugging.

“Come on, is not that bad!!”

Wanda snorted but she could not say anything else for Billy and Tommy came right there, both of them were quite excited talking at the same time pointing to a different set of attractions they wanted to try over. You smiled fondly just as Wanda tried to negotiate with her children, America chuckled lifting her arms when both of them pointed to her while pouting. Soon the food was brought over, and you decided it was time for you to intervene.

“Okay, okay, I have a proposal!” Everyone turned to you, your good arm lifting above your head before pointing with your head the table filled with food. “We are going to eat first, then we will go to the Carousel, then we will move onto the bumper cars.”

Billy and Tommy cheered high fiving while hugging you with smiles on their faces, Wanda chewed on her lower lip glancing at those rides before turning to you. You winked at her leaning forward while lifting a single finger.

“Then, we will go to the Ferris Wheel to see the lights show from the park, okay?”

“Yes!” The twins then proceed to drag you to the table eager to start eating and go to the different attractions.

Wanda and America stayed behind grabbing napkins and helping with the beverages.

“They really are happy.” Wanda stated glancing at her children then back at America.

“They really are, are you?”

“I am.” Wanda shrugged smiling softly, Kate came right at that moment helping around while turning to Wanda.

“My mom just called me, she told me everything is ready and that if you confirmed her right now she would get everything ready for Friday.” Kate grinned when Wanda opened her eyes excitedly.

“You mean it?”

“Yep, I know Y/N would love her so…”

“You just have to say the word.” America pressed over smiling as well. Wanda turned to you where you were sitting with the twins helping them around while also allowing them to help you with the food.

Wanda felt her heart beat a tad bit faster, shrinking with pure emotion at the familiar scene she had gotten to witness in the last couple of weeks. She turned to the two teens nodding excitedly.

“Yes, tell her I take it.”

America squealed excitedly hugging Wanda before turning to an equally excited Kate.

“She is going to love it, you will see.”

Wanda surely hoped so, for the only thing in her mind was to make sure you also experience the love, affection and happiness she had felt with you from the moment the both of you met. From the moment, the both of you gave the friendship a chance to grow into something else.

Wanda Maximoff had never had such a wonderful time before.

She was dragged by you or America or even her children around the park to try the different attractions. She got to experience the adrenaline of the roller coaster, while also gave in the excitement of the bumper cars while laughing alongside you.

You were by her side at all times, without being overwhelming it was as if you knew what it was she needed and you were right there to make sure she got it. Wanda admired the easiness in which you and the twins soon found a common ground and they sought you out for comfort or confirmation of what to do next.

Whatever doubts that came after the incident, or whatever reluctance Wanda felt when around you were soon forgotten and she just gave in standing by your side with a beating heart and a tingling body whenever you brushed your hand against hers or your lips found hers when alone.

In the end, and after going through all the different stands holding games with prizes everyone ended up on the Ferry Wheel.

“Come on guys, you can go first.” You nodded to your sister and Kate, winking lightly while America just rolled her eyes.

“Let us take Billy and Tommy…” Kate started but you shook your head placing your right hand on her shoulder.

“No, this is for you guys, go and snog my sister when you get to the highest point,” you chuckled when Kate blushed looking away while America looked mortified, “you guys have been taken them with you most of the day, so it’s only fair. Go.”

Wanda was standing back with Billy and Tommy furrowing her brows when, after a moment of discussion America and Kate finally went inside one of the passenger cars. You stepped back joining Wanda who was trying to hold back the twins that were waving happily at America and Kate.

“I think we shouldn’t eat those candy apples,” Wanda snickered when the twins talked amongst themselves excitedly.

“Oh, come on, those are quite delicious, and I don’t mind them being this hyperactive.”

“You don’t?” Wanda blinked a couple of times stepping forward, waiting until the car stopped and the door was opened for you and the others to go in.

“No, I actually think it’s kinda cute.” You blinked at her before calling for Billy.

“Come here, little guy, you’re sitting with me, and Tommy is sitting with Wanda.” You pinned them with your eyes, your face transforming into a mask of pure seriousness. “I need you to be well-behaved because while this is fun, we need to make sure it is also safe, okay?”

“Yes, Y/N.” Both of them said at the same time, Wanda cocked her head lifting a single eyebrow impressed.

Soon the ride started with classical music playing through the speakers, you looked outside with Billy pointing out the different spots. You leaned forward answering his questions, while also telling him and Tommy about a past you had experienced with America and your parents. Wanda leaned back hearing the sound of your voice and the question of her children while taking in the scene.

“Woah, look mommy!! This is so pretty!” Tommy said pointing right outside the car where the lights show was being played near the skate rink.

“It is, it looks really pretty.” Wanda mumbled glancing at you and noticing you had your eyes on her.

“It is just beautiful.” You replied as well, smiling tenderly at her before turning your attention back to the outside world.

“This is the best day ever, Y/N, thank you.” Billy said softly turning to you and giving you a tight hug.

You returned the hug softening your features while feeling your heart skipped a beat under the display of affection from the little boy.

“I’m glad you like it, Billy.” Your voice was loud enough for him, Tommy and Wanda to hear you out, “I just want to make you enjoy the beautiful things in life, if you guys allow me to do so, I will be more than happy to show you the world.”

Wanda wrapped her arms around Tommy, shaking her head while her eyes filled with tears.

“How about you let us show you also the beautiful and fun things in life, and we share those experiences with one another?” Wanda replied glancing at you, the silent invitation there.

You chuckled nodding, “I would love that.”

Wanda nodded turning again to the world outside the passenger car, her heart leaping with happiness at the moment she was living with you and the twins. Suddenly, in the midst of such peaceful moment Wanda came to the realisation that everything she needed, whatever she had been looking for was just there, sitting right across her loving her children and her without asking nothing in return.

And for that, she loved you without any reservations.

For that, she promised herself to make sure you were happy, the way you were making her and her children happy.

____________________________

Final chapter: The date Wanda planned finally comes to be, there will be smut, and happily ever after.

#fanfic #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wandaxreader #imagine wanda maximoff #female reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #reader

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soupthatistohot · 22 days

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BSD: An Absurdist Analysis - Ch. 114.5

Fyodor: The Unkillable Devil

[BSD Absurdism Masterpost]

So, I was mostly correct in my speculations from last month's chapter! I'm really proud of this, though I will admit that my theory wasn't a complete match to what ended up happening

I assumed that Fyodor took on the guard's lifeforce, but it was Bram who he body-swapped with, which makes for a much for interesting (and higher stakes) situation.

Admittedly, this post is going to be a bit less analysis and more me sharing my thoughts and questions, because not much has changed from what I said last month: Fyodor being practically unkillable is the ultimate absurdity for him as a villain -- how do you defeat a literally immortal super genius?

It's just made even worse now by the fact that it is Bram's body who he's "subsuming." It puts considerable distance between himself (now in Japan) and Dazai (in France), who is the only human being capable of killing him due to his nullification. This is deeply ironic in that Dazai was so goddamn close to killing Fyodor, if only he had delivered the final blow himself, he would have succeeded. That's dramatic irony for ya!

The ultimate absurdity lies within the fact that Dazai was so close to victory the entire time; Fyodor was in genuine danger throughout the whole prison break thing (because either poison or Dazai could have actually killed him), but one lapse in judgement has now left Dazai relatively powerless.

There is also absurdity in the fact that Fukuawa, Fukuchi, Aya, and Teruko are basically incapable of stopping Fyodor not only from subsuming Bram's body, but from carrying out his plan with the tripolar singularity. They don't even have enough time to enact a last-ditch effort to stop him before he stabs Fukuchi.

Jumping back to the reveal of Fyodor's ability, this chapter has left me with some questions about Fyodor's plan:

Why allow Sigma to learn of this? I see no really good reason for why Fyodor didn't kill Sigma when given the chance. The only thing I can think of is that he wanted to distract Dazai, ultimately knowing that he would eventually go back for Sigma and try to figure out why he was passed out, killing some time. Still, this doesn't really make much sense to me, as killing Sigma would have done practically the same thing. Also, at that point, there's really no reason to distract Dazai, the deed has already been done. My only other idea is that he figured that once he was able to subsume Bram, it wouldn't matter if Dazai knew about his ability, so he allowed Sigma to obtain this information in order to let Dazai know of his loss. Still, this doesn't make any strategic sense in the way that keeping Dazai in the dark for as long as possible appears to be the optimal course of action.

Does Nikolai know about Fyodor's ability? If so, it would explain the usage of the poison in the prison break challenge, given that his ultimate goal is to kill Fyodor. It might also explain why he considers them to be "besties," because he's one of very few people who know the true nature of Fyodor's ability. This is complete speculation, though, as it could really go either way.

Did Fyodor know Chuuya was faking it the whole time? Because if not, I think Chuuya was his fallback plan. If he truly believed Chuuya to be a vampire controlled by Bram, then at any point he could have ordered him to kill him, but I think the only thing that stopped him from doing so was his desperation to have Dazai killed as the only person capable of actually taking his life. If he did indeed know Chuuya was just acting, though, I wonder if he had just thought far enough ahead to know how things would go and needed Chuuya to be present to get to that conclusion. I'm really curious as to how much of this plan was actual foresight and how much was improvisation.

As for the tripolar singularity... well I think we know where that leads, given that the anime gave us a little preview to future events.

I'll admit that the concept of the singularity is one of the things I least understand about the BSD lore/universe, but this certainly raises the stakes. I might be wrong about this, but aren't there theories that somehow Akutagawa and Atsushi's abilities combined are able to supersede singularities? In this way, they'd be the only hope against Tripolar Singularity Fukuchi (which I've got to assume works much like Arahabaki in that Fukuchi is not in control anymore).

We also now can now assume that Akutagawa (and assumedly anyone else who was turned into a vampire) becomes un-vampirified because Bram ceases to exist when Fyodor takes on his body, so this explains how we get to the above situation.

That's all I got for now! Please feel free to add to my analysis and discuss the questions I've asked, I love talking about this stuff with y'all! :)

Edit: Ok so of course almost immediately upon posting this I thought of more things to add in terms of how this all relates to absurdism. The concept of Fyodor being unable to die is not only absurd from the storytelling perspective of him being BSD's ultimate villain for so long, but also on a personal level for himself.

One of humanity's defining qualities is mortality -- the idea that we all die eventually, whether we like it or not. For Fyodor, this isn't true, though. His ability is a curse that traps him into living so long as people try to kill him. This further explains his ultimate motive of wanting to eliminate all abilities, probably because he recognizes many abilities to be curses and also that abilities have potential to be abused by those in power, whether for "right" or "wrong" reasons.

The irony in this is that Fyodor is doing just that, he has used his ability to remain alive far longer than he should have, and is thus able to carry out his plans. Yes, he believes what he is doing is for the good of humanity, but as the reader, we also know that this is not his decision to make. He has become the very thing he's trying to fight! This can be seen as Fyodor giving into the absurdity of reality, rather than actually rebelling against it, which makes him the antagonist to our absurdist protagonists, who refuse to give in and continue to push back against life's absurdities.

Fyodor's problem (and I think I talked about this in the chapter where he "died") is that he wants to control the absurd reality, but that is just not possible. You can't control meaninglessness, all you can do is not become a part of it, which Fyodor fails to do in his effort to not do so. It's a complete paradox.

Hopefully what I'm saying here makes sense, I am currently running on like five hours of sleep (which not a lot for me) and black tea lol

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd manga #bsd manga spoilers #bsd 114.5 #fyodor dostoevsky #sigma bsd #dazai osamu #fukuchi ouchi #fukuzawa yukichi #chuuya nakahara #bsd absurdism analysis #soup rants

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crystallizedday · 1 year

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Mkay, so I just woke up & I feel like spitting some facts today while I’m still in my BATDR hyperfix, especially since I’m pretty sure not a lot of people have this idea as well & I wanna get it out there somehow.

So…

The Ink Demon is like… written SO fucking well in this game, or at least as I interpret it.

& I figured this shit out like GRADUALLY.

The first tid bit that hit me like a fucking truck was how CANONICALLY the Ink Demon is in DESPERATE need of any kind of love and affection. While it’s hinted at a little bit in the games, the smoking gun comes from the VOICE ACTOR FOR INKY HIMSELF Sean Crisden.

Yes, I looked through his entire Twitter to find this again just to prove I’m not insane.

Like… even if Sean isn’t caught up entirely on the lore, there’s no reason he would say this only knowing the Ink Demon through his lines. After all, my guy has to be told about the character to voice him, so for him to address this pretty much makes it as close to being confirmed officially as we can.

The second thing that hit me like a truck was the YouTuber Pastra’s review video on the game, where he details how the Ink Demon’s mocking in the last chapter is towards HIMSELF, not Audrey, & he’s just projecting all HIS shit onto her.

Not even I caught this, since I always thought Inky was right about the “your life is a lie” thing due to her not being fully human.

But then Pastra emphasized the “mistake” bit. Audrey wasn’t a mistake, far from it. The Ink Demon, BENDY, was. HE was a mistake, born solely to be a living mascot to entertain, & when he came out WRONG, he was locked away, neglected, abandoned by the man who created him.

So he looks at Audrey, someone who was made by the same man who made him, someone who was treated so much better because of how she came out “perfect”, & tries to bring her down on the same level as he is by berating her.

& while this is stretching a bit, him comforting her at the end feels a bit like he’s trying to comfort himself, tricking himself to believe there is SOMEONE like him, someone who was ABANDONED & lied to, & thus giving Audrey the opportunity to live so he can indulge in that comfort.

It’s a BIG stretch, but god DAMN is it a gut puncher!

Like I’m sure he also did it to manipulate her & shit, but like… he can have MORE than one reason to do shit, & if he really did try to comfort himself like that, if that really is true… then I’m gonna fucking sob, man.

BUT THAT IS NOT FUCKING ALL!!

Cause I got ONE MORE mind blower I had, mainly (but not entirely) on my own after that one!!

& it has to do with Baby Bendy.

A LOT of people think Inky got his mind split in two when he was imprisoned as Baby Bendy due to how different he acts around Audrey.

But I beg to differ.

I think the Ink Demon is ABSOLUTELY still conscious & in control as Baby Bendy. He just couldn’t do shit to anyone before Audrey came about & accidentally freed him (cause I am ALSO subscribed to that theory Pastra addressed in his video), so he just minded his own business.

Perhaps his new emotional responses spoken of in the Keepers’ tapes come from him being more powerless & vulnerable where the only thing he COULD do was cry.

& the reason he acts so friendly towards Audrey once she meets up with him near the city? Because she was kind to him, she actually gave a shit about him. She apologized to him about hurting him & wanted to take care of him.

NEVER in Inky’s life has he EVER had someone genuinely care about him & his well being, something he always wanted from ANYONE but never got. So when he finally has that opportunity with Audrey, he jumps to it, going along with it, even if he desperately didn’t want to visit the Gent labs again.

More evidence of this is detailed in a post by @jupiter-jellies titled “Ink Demon VS Vesty” which I really like (I apologize for the tag, I don’t know if there’s an easier option to showcase the post itself, but I still wanna credit you nonetheless) as it makes sense of the sequences of events that happen from when Baby Bendy first joins your party to when he disappears & the Ink Demon comes to stop you from entering the Keepers’ area. Seriously, that shit blew my mind when I read it cause it explains WHY Baby Bendy went missing & why the Ink Demon would try to stop Audrey from going THERE in particular.

It just makes sense that the Ink Demon was still HIMSELF in both forms, he just acts differently to compensate for his lack of powers & to be given the love & affection he always wanted.

… But then it gets sad.

Cause the more I thought about it, the more fucked up it became. The ONLY time the Ink Demon EVER got someone to reach out to him & make him feel cared for… is when he’s in a “perfect” form. Only when he was cute & innocent & TRAPPED against his WILL could he be EVER loved, that if only he came out RIGHT in the first place, then he would DESERVE all the love that Audrey offers him.

If Joey & the others neglecting & abusing him when he came out wrong when he was JUST created didn’t solidify this idea in his head, Audrey treating him like a friend in his “perfect” form & an enemy in his true form DEFINITELY sealed the deal to him.

& it only gets worse.

I was re-listening to Joey talking to Audrey at the tail-end of the game to try & snap her out of the dark mindset Inky put her in when I realized something.

The Ink Demon was RIGHT THERE, listening to his abuser talk directly to AUDREY the ENTIRE TIME, telling her how she was loved & how she’s not this monster, that she was his pride & joy, his ONLY success…

& that PISSES Inky off.

In INKY’s point of view, only after Joey had a creation that WASN’T an abomination did he suddenly have a change of heart, that all it took was to get something he always wanted to be a better person as he completely ignores his biggest mistake that was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

That… has GOT to sting, really bad, to feel abandoned AGAIN in favor of the “better sibling” that Audrey was.

I have a feeling that he didn’t crush Joey SOLELY so he couldn’t get through to Audrey. I think he also did it because he couldn’t take LISTENING to him talk like this anymore, to be reminded that he was a failure that didn’t deserve the love that Audrey got, & lashed out to shut Joey up.

This is ALL very headcanon-y, but… it really does paint the Ink Demon in a more complex & tragic light.

The Ink Demon was NEVER just a mindless monster that killed whatever it wanted on sight. He was capable of emotion, & he could’ve potentially been capable of being something so much more if only he got the proper care & reassurance he DESPERATELY needed.

& GOD I love his character for it, he’s my favorite character in the game BY FAR because of this, GOD I hope this is canon so I can give massive props to the writers for this game!!

#bendy and the dark revival #batdr #batdr spoilers #bendy and the dark revival spoilers #ink demon #ink bendy #bendy #baby bendy #audrey #batdr audrey #audrey drew #joey drew #sean crisden #ink demon character studies #day’s morning ramblings #thank you for reading my essay XDDD #I apologize for the shitty quality for the cutscenes #i just wanted to throw some images in here to spice up the rambling & compliment it a bit #hope ya don’t mind

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verbenaa · 4 months

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Hi, I'm Chloe! I write both Astarion/Tav and Astarion/Reader fics! ⭒

I also post these works on my archive of our own account, under the username leadii. Feel free to follow along over there as well! Thank you so much for reading my fics, and I dearly hope you enjoy them!

♡ Please note that currently all works posted here contain some form of NSFW content. Minors, please do NOT read/interact! 18+ ONLY ♡

⋆⭒˚.⋆ updated 05/17/2024 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

𝓂𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇

✧ to eden ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: Rin lays there, her back against the grass as she stares resolutely up at the sky overhead, little drops of dew like tiny diamonds hanging heavy from blades of grass.

“I have nothing to say to you, just so you know.” She refuses to look over to the place where Astarion lays mere inches from her as she says the words, but it doesn’t stop her from moving her hand to rest it down in the small gap of space between their bodies.

It’s an offering, if nothing else, though it is one Rin doesn’t know if he will take.

“Well then, I suppose it’s a good thing that you so rarely have anything worthwhile to say.” Astarion’s words carry his usual unaffected haughtiness that has her eyes rolling despite herself, a small huff of annoyance escaping her lips.

But as she feels the coolness of his skin against her own, clever fingers intertwining with her delicate ones using only the slightest bit of movement she thinks that maybe, just maybe there can also be a little room for hope in whatever this thing between them is.

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

In which Astarion and Rin learn how to bridge the gap, because maybe all that distance between them isn’t quite so large as they once thought.

A semi-retelling of events; focused on themes of learning trust, intimacy, and perhaps even love.

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5

✧· · ─── ·✧· ─── · ·✧

𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓉𝓈

✧ air so deep and sweet ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “You’re just utterly shameless, aren’t you?’ He tsks, “Seducing me away from my work like this." Astarion’s eyes rove your form laying beneath him in reverence, the silken strands of your hair spread like a halo around your face and your dress a mess around your waist.

✧ so that i may dream tonight ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: It was a special torture to be unable to touch him, you decide. You want nothing more than to brush your fingers through his curls as you come, to caress the delicate point at the top of his ears, feel the smoothness of his skin on your fingertips.

It feels absolutely filthy, to be tied up like this, your pleasure left to Astarion’s will as you are powerless to simply lay in wait for whatever he has in store.

✧ venus in furs ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: He’s always imagined you like this in his dreams, he thinks. Naked, dressed in rubies as red as the wine in your silver chalice, blood like pomegranate juice dripping from your lips, staining your mouth to match the red of your blood that colors his own.

✧ opus 4 (nothing compares to the sighs that fall from your lips) ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “Have I mentioned how absolutely divine you look, darling?”

“Well, you did make the gown.” Your hand tangles in his hair, pressing him closer as you arch into him. He buries his face into your chest, kissing and licking at the skin bared to him above the low neckline.

“It’s quite easy when you have such a lovely muse.”

✧ to bask in your warmth ao3

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: “I’m not the only one who would look lovely with ribbons around my wrists, you know.” Your eyes flick up to his own as you wet your lips at the thought—dear, sweet Astarion writhing below you with the same rosebud hue tracing his wrists to keep him pinned as he is able to do nothing but accept the love and pleasure you have to give him.

“Something you think about often, hm?” His lips quirk up in amusement, his eyes finding your own as he basks in the heat from your warm body tucked into his side, thinly veiled interest present in his gaze.

#my writing #masterlist #astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader

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mari-lair · 1 year

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It’s wild when I see people say Aoi is written only to be Akane’s love interest, cause Akane never hid that he is her boy.

He goes the extra mile just for a hint of her attention and had given the classic childhood friend heroine speech of "I’ll love my crush even if they never look my way."

It's framed as a joke but he is genuinely happy as long as Aoi exist, he can enjoy his life and look forward to all his days no matter how shitty they are (Teru bullies him, the clock keepers work him dry, he gets rejected constantly, and so on,) as long as Aoi is alive and happy.

He is ridiculously easy to please when it comes to Aoi.

And while Aoi does loves Akane, visibly being affected by him: As seen by her possessive attitude, her wish to be closer to him, and the way his hard work influenced her, she doesn’t try or want her world to revolve around him.

Yes, she will cry and crumble if he doesn’t like her because she cares deeply, their relationship is a solid part of her character, but she has plenty of hobbies and plans without him, most of her problems are caused by herself or society's views and expectations of her, she wouldn’t do what Akane asks of her or change for him, not unless he is asking for something she also wants for herself.

Let’s compare how they talk about each other for a bit.

The only time Aoi talks about her feelings for Akane is in chapter 84, which is very far into the manga.

And this exposition shows her envious and insecure side, how she admires kindness and wishes she was as lovable: It shows a conflict that says as much about Aoi’s character as it does about Akane’s character.

Meanwhile, Akane consistently talks about her, and most of his expositions don’t offer any substance to his character, other than “he is in love”.

The only exposition that says as much about himself as it does about Aoi is the one in chapter 24, which shows he stalks her, and Aoi encourages it, since she trusts him, and unfortunately, she have been in need of constant protection from a young age:

Even when Akane explicitly says he’ll talk about himself.

He doesn’t.

He proceeds to spend the whole chapter talking about Aoi.

The only thing he says about himself in that entire rant is “I hate that part of you”, which he later admits was a lie, something that he used to have her stay and listen.

He isn’t just her boy, he has a life outside her, a very busy life.

As Aoi put it, “He works hard and is dutiful.” which mostly translates to ‘helpful and trust worthy’, so he is constantly seen giving other characters advise that works or making them snap out of their bullshit: He is the reliable one.

His classmates respect him , Teru trusts his judgement, and hell even Kou, who barely interacted with Akane had called him and not a close friend like Nene, when he felt powerless and needed help.

But no matter how seriously he may take his duties or want to help people, Akane has decided he was born to love and protect Aoi.

That’s his priority, always.

His only long term goals involve Aoi, he devoted all his heart and soul to her.

If she wanted Akane to change his style to clothes he would never wear on his own, or make him get into new hobbies, or tell him to score lower than her, he would do it right away: He is comfortable being her boy, he’ll throw his pride away with no hesitation for her and do anything to make her happy to an extreme even most ‘heroines’ I see wouldn’t cross.

The one thing Aoi made VERY clear despite never saying out loud is “Keep your eyes on me. Don’t flirt with anyone else.” and that’s a wish that Akane took to heart, to the point that he is the only character that stays ‘loyal’ to his love interest even on silly extra events, like the ‘kiss day’ arts.

Everyone else send a kiss, no matter if they have a love interest or not, since is just a fun little bonus.

Akane only starts to touch her when he is confident Aoi likes him too: When he assumes she wants him, before that he always kept a certain distance, understanding he ain’t entitled to shit just because they are childhood friends.

Akane is far from perfect, he can be selfish and self centered, his approach to help usually tactless, but at his core, he always seek to do what Aoi wants, no questions asked.

His devotion is extreme to the point of being unhealthy, but he isn’t lying or trying to please Aoi here: As long as she is alive, and enjoying life, he will be delighted doing any of the things she wants. Her best hairstyle in his eyes is always the one she chose to style, the best clothes are always the ones she wants to wear.

There is nothing he likes more than her. Or to make her happy.

Even what Akane loves to do the most, which is to gush about Aoi nonstop until he looks batshit insane, is something that she had encouraged and never complained, no matter how much it escalated, so he was convinced she loved the attention.

Once she is honest and admits she doesn’t like it, he immediately tries to drop it.

He still has an ‘I was born to love you’ mentally, he just stop putting on a show, or trying to make her heart flutter. Most of his displays of worry, affection, or ‘ill protect you’ became either quiet or casual.

...Still.

He can’t help but show his love loudly from time to time, he is cringe at heart, truly hopeless, but he is trying his best.

In short: Aoi is in desperate need for more character focus, but the one determined to make their life revolve around their love interest is clearly Akane.

#while everyone wait for the chapter to be translated here is a post to pass the time #akane aoi #aoi akane #aoikane #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #and yes i wrote this because of bad takes i saw on twitter #but also cause i'll take any excuse to talk about them #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk #tumblr i love you pls show it in the tags #character analysis

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genshinology · 1 year

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𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓, 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔. zhongli

(requested by anonymous.)

content; zhongli x gn!reader. historical au to modern au (ig we could say that liyue has been modernised and like teyvat has been shifted into powerless realm without elements (please, bear with me and my stupid imagination ANSBHIQWKNDK)), reincarnation au, soulmates au, not really angst or fluff but like zhongli misses the reader and it shows, mentions of character death. wc; 1.6k (not proofread, let’s gaurr)

a part of my 800 followers event + *gasps* finally i am back to actual writing?!?!?! and get to continue this event??? HAHA ik this is so not my tradition of being inactive most of the part this year eek (btw, i have finals for like the next two weeks, so expect this blog only filled with queued stuff, etc.)

it was raining.

the day zhongli found you back on liyue past, dark days, where he was still the geo archon - all powerful, and craving the power from his people in the archon war, still under the name of morax - zhongli could not understand how you, a mere human without a vision, caught his attention in more ways than one.

sure, he believed that he knew you through guizhong, one of his old acquaintances, but he still could not comprehend how he could seek joy and calmness whenever you were around him, despite him still did not wander around with the body of his human form, zhongli. and how content you were when you knew that he was morax, not a passerby that casually tried to hit up on you.

it was raining, when he saw you working hard, a trait he found himself adored when it came from you, you were his everything back then, until he remembered how dread it was; one day, when the archon war finally came to its end, and news of you died tragically during the battle between gods, along with his close friends.

he could not imagine how helpless you must have been, without the power he often accompanied you whenever you said you were going out to catch up with the outside world. zhongli blamed everything on himself, how he was not able to protect the one people he cherished the most, you.

it was raining, once again, when he found you running towards katheryne, complained something about nearby monster attacks so that the adventurers’ guild could take the problem into their hand.

zhongli remembered how you thanked the receptionist, eyes gleaming with hope. the one emotion that he remembered back hundreds of years ago that was reserved for him. the one emotion he would trade his life for, because the hopefulness in your eyes was the one thing that kept him alive, the one thing that made him determined to be a better god, and he thought he was being deceived when he turned twice to properly look at your figure.

(yes, zhongli was no longer a god that oversaw liyue, but at times like this, he remembered how he was not really a gentle god to begin with, and the presence of you in the old days gave him hope for him to be kinder and wiser, and, he would not hesitate for a brief second if someone asked him how to be a respectable god (because zhongli, more often than not, was asked this question a little bit too much by the other gods and archons alike). he would, surely, answered those questions that you, the little human that he swore had sunshine upon you, was the one that brought the best out of him.)

zhongli could not believe when childe introduced you to him. (it was funny how he met you through his close friend, again.) you were helping xiangling at the wanmin restaurant, and as a regular there, he could not believe that it was really you. the same smile, the same height, the same face, even the same walk, and your kindness in serving other customers, even him, were all still the same. the y/n that he knew, the y/n that he wanted to protect, the y/n that he loved. it was still you, and zhongli knew that deep in your heart, you also sensed a familiarity when you approached him. it was weird, but you managed to introduce you to him, the new part-time worker at the restaurant and that this was your side income.

zhongli was wise, and smart. he, at that time, decided to not being too attached to you, although he assumed that he was actually immune to the death occurrences around him, since he learned that it was inevitable. all mortals he befriended with, all would only go and leave him alone, like how he always be.

but he could not deny the ache in his heart when he longed for your presence and attention, especially when you said you would be going back to your hometown, far away from liyue, and for once, zhongli reminisced the second, most bittersweet goodbye from you, and worst yet, he never knew when you died for a second time. all he knew was you admired him from afar from hu tao, and zhongli regretted his choice back then of not welcoming you into his heart once again.

it was a raining night, where cars and buses bustling around the busy city. the horns from afar, the colourful lights, the coffee in his hand, the droplets of rain that stained the café large window. all things, somehow, made him focused more on the memories of you, and the thousands of emotions that came along with them.

“may i sit here for a while?”

zhongli gave the person a brief nod, not really paying attention due to the fact that he was so deep in his thoughts, before he could feel the sense of familiarity to the person beside him.

zhongli never acted recklessly, often forming his own thoughts of consequences before doing anything, but he could not hide his shock when the person in front of him met his eyes, and, for a fleeting moment, zhongli knew it was you. he just knew.

if soulmates were real, he was so sure now that you were his.

you halted for a moment, part of you was awestruck by the manly aura that radiated off of him, but you could not ignore the tinge of sadness that suddenly overwhelmed you.

“have we.. have we met?” the simple question coming from you was more than enough to make his heart shattered into pieces, not because of the disappointment of you not recognising him - of course you couldn’t remember. you had been going through many stages of life cycles, and he would forever stuck with one - it was the fact that you thought you knew him, almost made the urge to pull you into his arms ten times stronger than ever.

the way zhongli kept on being silent made you quickly realised how off the question was, especially if you had just met a stranger in a downtown café. “wait, i’m sorry for sounding stupid. it’s just - i thought we know each other before but i may be wrong,” you sent an awkward laugh. “and i’m sorry if i am interrupting your personal space, that the rain is pouring and i could not catch the last bus and my umbrella is kinda broken -

“it’s fine, y/n.”

you almost dropped your phone at that. so, you had met. but you could not remember where.

the sadness inside you amplified the more you tried to shrug it off, his voice worsened your confusion to the negative feeling inside you, but, somehow, the more you held eye contact with this beautiful man in front of you, the more relieved you felt.

the sense of familiarity was not something you could ignore, with the fact that the man in front of you could technically be a bad person didn’t even come across your mind. “i know this might sound dumb, or stupid, or both but like - where did we meet?”

“somewhere, and i believe we were close at that.”

thousands of questions surged your mind, how could you forget a person that was close to you? the way you knew he wasn’t lying made your insides felt more relieved. who was this man? and why did you feel so sad? and relieved?

“the name’s zhongli,” he introduced himself to you.

the name struck you once again, but zhongli decided that this was all too much for you by reading your body language. even after centuries had passed, you were still the y/n he knew. “your umbrella broke?”

“i, uhh, yes,” you felt like you were sharing too much information on this guy who you barely knew, but the way he gave you the most gentle smile coming from a man made you knew that you could trust him. it made no sense, how you were not making any sense even in your own thoughts.

“let me offer you a ride. it is late and dangerous.”

you didn’t even doubt him and his words. something about him made you felt safe, and you thought you were the one who acted weirdly in front of him, but you figured that he didn’t mind. perhaps he had always been nice just like this.

“thank you, zhongli,” zhongli sent a small smile, one which pulled the strings of your heart. was this love at first sight, or you were actually close with him before? it was absurd, but you decided not to care with the intrusive thoughts.

either way, your gratitude made zhongli unknowingly blinked his eyes. those were the last words you said at him both times he met you. now, he swore he wouldn’t let you go again, with no responsibility of a god on your first life, and no treatment of platonic relationship with you on the second, he just knew that in this life, he would cherish every moment with you once again.

both of you decided to watch the rain after zhongli treated you with a drink, and, ironically enough, it was the most beautiful, and calming night you had ever seen.

#🍁.800;event #☆.works #twilight-theatre #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #zhongli imagines #zhongli fluff #zhongli angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin imagines #genshin fluff #genshin angst

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deardoomedworld · 5 months

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Talking about how affable yet ruthless Inayat "tyrant of love" Khan is has made me start thinking about Jesper and how prickly he is. He's so mean, even purposefully vicious - think of how he talks to Anita when he leaves, and how after that harrowing conversation, he's literally fantasising about how he could've been even meaner - he seems to find some sort of satisfaction/relief in being mean, in the little bit of power and control it temporarily gives him (over someone else's emotions, which is better than nothing when you feel powerless).

When we first meet them as adults, Jesper seems more detached from the other two (or alternatively, Khan and Tereesz seem closer), not just because of an earlier falling out with Khan but because he seems more put together. Tereesz' and Khan's careers/lives are more obviously shaped by their childhood trauma, while Jesper is succesful, rich, and famous. He seems better adjusted and perhaps like he moved on more than the others. Jesper's jabs towards Tereesz and Khan (think of how he tells them that them visiting the Lund girls' mother is sad/pathetic while he did the same thing; or the "those of us whose profession does not include ditches and missing children" comment) seem specifically meant to make himself look more normal. He's wearing white. He's not sullied.

This is of course just a facade. Later on in the book, it becomes clear (at least that's my interpretation) that Jesper is just as, if perhaps not more fucked up than the others, and keeps them at arms length because he's trying to hide this. His privilege - his wealth and his looks (as a blonde, blue-eyed Vaasan) - plays a big role in him succeeding in this. The other two are constantly reminded that they're immigrants, and already have to put in more effort than Jesper just to be treated normally (Tereesz is very good at this when he's not inebriated, as he seems to have dumped a bunch of skill points in composure & authority. Khan not so much), let aside when they're unraveling.

But back to his prickly exterior, his meanness. I find it interesting that as unlikeable as he is, he also seems to completely break down once Tereesz gets shot. He builts a little tomb for Tereesz' gun and then sets off to, apparently, do coke for two months and then disappear himself (we get a nice close-up of his passport, his identity, burning up before he enters the Lungs of Graad). As much as he mocked Tereesz and Khan, he seemed completely on board to leave his life behind and go with Khan's plan, but then he just abandons that after the events or chapter 18. Because... "It's become too morbid for Jesper."

Behind his likeability, Khan is revealed to be somewhat ruthless- there's nothing he won't do for this cause, nothing that can stand in his way. Jesper, vicious as he was, breaks down quickly, because his meanness was for hiding vulnerability. He was trying so hard to be normal. ("This is sad? It's all totally great!") The Ibex English translation uses the word morbid a few times, and it's often in relation to Jesper. ("I don't collect anything, you morbos.") So, behind his prickliness, is Jesper the one made of mushier stuff, who can't handle the bad stuff well? The soft one who just breaks, in the end? The sentimental one, holding onto scrunchies and service weapons.

It's counterintuitive because he's so mean, but maybe Jesper is in white because he's more innocent, more childlike? ("To this day, he hates adult sexuality. (...) Realistically, and in a paradoxical way, this makes him a p*dophile.") After all, if you search the word white through the Ibex translation, almost all instances of its use are used to refer to a Lund girl, or Jesper.

Is. Is this anything.

#sacred and terrible air #püha ja õudne lõhn #jesper de la guardie #pjol theories #oh my god a Jesper post from the Tereesz apologist???#it's more likely than you think!#the sofa where Khan and Machejek felt uncomfortable is white #I think there's also a connection between Jesper in white and his nihilism #similar to Zigi's white stripes #but I really wanted to talk about this instead #maybe someone else can explore his nihilism #also thinking of Khan as the nice one Jesper the mean one #and Tereesz whatever the situation demands bc he sees himself as a tool not a person

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chrysalis-the-butterfly · 11 months

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Four Headcanons About Jessica Rabbit

(Original post here.)

Headcanon A: Realistic

Jessica has a certain type of laugh that only Roger can cause. It's loud, it's long, and it sounds a bit like a witch's cackle. It doesn't fit her femme fatale persona at all.

Headcanon B: While It May Not Be Realistic, It Is Hilarious

Jessica has a little sister - sort of. Another animator attempted to copy Jessica's design and create his own version of her, but a mistake on the model sheet meant he ended up with a curvaceous redhead who was only six inches tall, not six feet tall. The animator cast her out, and Jessica took her under her wing.

The six-inch toon now goes by Joellyn Krupnick. She's smart, bookish and slightly shy, and she's determined to help make life better for other "fun-size" toons. She works as an architect and landlady, building and renting out apartments and houses that are suitable for smaller toons. (Two of her tenants went on to become the stars of a cartoon called Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers.)

Jessica regards Joellyn as her (very) little sister, and the two women get along well.

Headcanon C: Heart-Crushing and Awful, But Fun to Inflict on Friends

Jessica's maiden name was Jessica Joy. She used to work at the Peacock Palace, a theatre located on the outskirts of Toontown and close to the tunnel to the "real world". She was one of many "Peacock Ladies": humanoid toon women who would put on shows for the (usually male human) audience. They wore revealing costumes in different shades of blue with plenty of peacock feathers.

Jessica's owners were two brothers called Rocco and Dominick DeGreasy. They did not treat their Peacock Ladies very well at all. The Ladies didn't just sing and dance; they had to be open to "private appointments" with customers who had paid extra for the privilege. Anything could happen in these appointments, and it was rarely fun for the Ladies. (In fact, the appointments were where Rocco and Dominick made the most money; the nightly shows were just a respectable face to keep the authorities off their backs.)

Jessica was drawn to be submissive and do whatever the humans told her to do. For a long time, she didn't feel strong enough to try to leave the Peacock Palace, convinced that this was her purpose, her reason for existing, and that she had no choice but to fulfill it.

It wasn't until after Roger burst into her life that Jessica slowly but surely built up the courage to change her situation.

As a side-effect of her bad experiences while wearing those blue costumes, Jessica now hates the colour blue. The only shade of blue she can tolerate is the one in Roger's eyes.

Headcanon D: Unrealistic, But I Will Disregard Canon About It Because I Reject Canon Reality and Substitute My Own

The 1970s were a dark decade for the Rabbits. In 1973, Eddie Valiant passed away. In 1978, Maroon Cartoons went out of business. Roger was deeply shaken by both events. He tried to keep the smile on his face, especially as he looked for work elsewhere, but in private he was much gloomier and less inclined to tell jokes.

Jessica wasn't doing too badly in comparison - she'd released some disco albums that kept her and her husband living comfortably - but she felt powerless to do anything about Roger's depressive state. He'd always been the one cheering her up, not the other way around. She tried to stay strong for his sake, but she couldn't deny that Eddie's death and the collapse of Maroon Cartoons made her feel uneasy too. She needed alone time to process everything - alone time that she wasn't getting while she was caring for Roger.

Then she started having dreams.

In Jessica's dream world, the characters had familiar names, but alien behaviours. Roger had darker fur and an even darker heart. Eddie was alive again, but stripped of his old personality. The DeGreasy brothers were back in the picture. And Jessica herself was just as shallow and cruel as everyone believed she was.

These dreams kept coming, night after night, becoming longer and more detailed each time. Jessica wondered if these dreams contained any clues to help her and Roger get out of their funk.

So she wrote the dreams down.

She wrote and rewrote, refining the scenes as more and more visions came to her. Eventually, her scribbles grew to the length of a novel.

And in 1981, she published that novel.

It was called Who Censored Roger Rabbit? and her pen name was Gary K. Wolf.

Some people at Disney took interest in the novel and wanted to turn it into a film. Jessica was glad to be involved, as it meant she and Roger could get back into acting.

But when Roger came onto the project, he had another idea for the direction the film could take. He remembered Eddie as a hero, and he wanted the whole world to remember him as a hero too. He wanted to tell Eddie's story. Jessica approved of this idea, because Roger's face was lighting up just talking about it.

She'd found it. She'd found the key to his happiness returning. In a roundabout way, yes, but she'd found it.

So the decision was made to create a historical film about how Eddie saved Toontown from being Dipped by Judge Doom. The film was called Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Roger and Jessica played themselves.

It was a hit at the box office, and it kicked off a revival of interest in the classic cartoons. The 1990s were a golden decade for Roger and Jessica, nothing at all like the dark days of the 1970s.

And it was all thanks to Jessica's deeply weird dreams.

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chibipandaao3 · 5 months

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PitBabe Drabble

Slight AU taking place after Babe and Charlie made up in the last episode. No real spoilers, I don’t even mention the event of the episode beyond the powers bit.

Jeff has an important conversation with Babe regarding Charlie.

This is very short — I’m not sure how or if I’ll expand it and post it on Ao3 later. Ideas are very welcome if you have any. Additionally, if you get inspired-by all means-take this idea and run with it. Happy New Year.

“What exactly are you insinuating, Jeff?” Babe wanted to sound annoyed, but the question came out more tired than anything else. He’d forgiven Charlie, He even thought he vaguely understood why Charlie had made the choices he made. Why wouldn’t you hide from a man like Tony? If you truly loved someone, why wouldn’t you do everything you can to make them less of a target? Even the lying made some sense, regardless of how much Babe hated it. Perhaps it was foolhardy to accept the apology so easily, but he knew that Charlie had no ill intentions towards him. He could feel it. Which was why it was so confusing to have Jeff corner him suddenly. The boy had been mostly quiet since their last encounter, Babe thought he had been sick frankly with how pale he had become that night. Then suddenly he appears minutes after Charlie left, demanding to speak to Babe, “I know you are worried about your brother, but –”

“I’m a seer,” Jeff rushed out quietly, “Charlie said he wouldn’t mention it for my safety, but I want you to know,”

Babe wasn’t sure whether he was surprised or not. The revelation certainly fit in smoothly with everything else he’d learned in the last several days, “Okay. Thank you for –”

“No, that’s not…things are changing. Bad things are coming, and I think you need to understand exactly what has happened and what is at stake,” Jeff persisted forcing himself further into the house, “And I have to tell you before Charlie gets back,”

“Why?”

“Because he’s protecting you, even if it means endangering himself,” he couldn’t help but frown at the thought, “He never intended to take your power – he’s never been able to do so without pain…”

“What?” Babe blinked in confusion, “Why didn’t he…”

“He wanted to. He thought that it would make you less of a target, but he’s only been able to take someone’s entire gift when Tony…” Jeff trailed off uncomfortably, clearly regrouping in his head, “When Tony thought Charlie was powerless he tried one last thing,”

“What?” Babe was hesitant to know the answer. Based on Charlie’s story, he had been a young kid when he was brought to the house. Though Babe knew firsthand that Tony cared little about age or kindness.

“He beat him,” the words came out soft and frank. Echoing somehow despite their lack of power, “Tony beat him to see if his powers would reveal themselves, and they did. When Charlie is in eminence amounts of pain, he can easily draw away someone else's power. Like a survival instinct… Once Tony figured that out,” he trailed off again quietly.

“I didn’t hurt him…” Babe couldn’t quite keep the horror out of his words. He was certain he had not hurt Charlie, at least not physically.

“Exactly,” Jeff suddenly relaxed, “You didn’t…and he didn’t know he was taking your powers…”

The offer Charlie had given him, the willingness to end his own life so that Babe could regain his senses felt more painful and heavy all at once – like a knife to the abdomen, “but, then why would he?”

“Guilt…” Jeff shifted, looking back to the door, and sighed, “I gotta go…don’t tell him I told you – it was just important that you know. Please be careful with him,”

“Wait. I –”

“I can’t. He’ll be back soon and if he sees me, he’ll know exactly why I was here,”

#pit babe the series #Pit Babe #pit babe charlie #Pit Babe ficlet #Pit Babe fanfic #PitBabe #babecharlie #charliebabe #ideas welcome #I wrote this while on break the other day and I’m not sure if there’s anything else there so #thai bl fanfic #Fanfiction #ficlet #Drabble

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fandom-gt · 7 days

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COMMISSION TYPE: Full Page +1 addon

PRICE: 65

FANDOM: MCU

CHARACTERS: Steve Rogers

REQUESTED SUMMARY: ”I'd love a continuation of the growing Steve Rogers quick fill! He's a few kilometers tall and is just getting off on his new power and size, Avengers try to stop him but are absolutely powerless. And when he's done he ends up tripling in size again. Please keep me anonymous when you post this!”

WARNINGS: Violence and implied tiny death, mass destruction, nsfw

——

Steve Rogers has been a large man for a number of years now. Ever since they slipped his small, skinny body into that machine and let him come out the other side feet taller, a hundred pounds heavier, muscular and strong, he’s known that he was always supposed to be big. It felt good at first, but after a while, a secret part of him had kind of wished for just a little bit more.

Finally, here smack-dab in the center of New York City, Steve’s finally got his wish. He stares down at the roaming little dots that make up people, the slightly larger little squares that must be cars, and a thrill of absolute satisfaction runs through him.

Everything below him, every building, every structure, every person, is tiny. The ruined tatters of his uniform are all but invisible to his naked eye now, and it’s only because of the serum enhancing his eyesight that he can even make out vague details of those ant-sized people.

He kneels, naked, knees crushing pavement and concrete and roads and sidewalks and anything that happened to be in their way as he grew, massive craters beneath his muscular thighs and calves, with barely even the hint of resistance despite being made of reinforced steel beams and the finest construction the human species is capable of. It all crumples like paper under him.

What really gets him going, once he notices it, though… is the tiny cracked crater underneath the place his cock gently dipped and smacked onto the road. Even it, even just the engorged head of his member, is enough to devastate what must be most of a city block. It brings a surge of heat through him, has his balls tightening, and he can’t keep himself from reaching down to wrap a hand around it.

Down below him, the world is in chaos. He cannot hear the screams, he doesn’t know the sight that he makes to the regular-sized humans trapped underneath his crotch. Tony stares up from his place on the cracked and broken sidewalk, mouth agape in utter disbelief even as he engages the nanite of his Iron Man suit.

Steve’s too large for him to take in all at once. All he can see at first is the shadow of his cock filling Tony’s skyline bigger than any skyscraper, the size of an entire mountain, with every vein and every ridge and every wrinkle of it in hyper-vivid super-high definition detail.

Before him, he watches in horror as a new monumental event enters the chaotic landscape — Steve’s massive hand descending from the heavens to wrap around his titanic dick. The rush of wind blows back signs and people’s hair as his hand moves forward in one stroke so big it almost seems slow-motion thanks to the scale. The sound of it, skin on skin, is deafening. People too close to him feel their eardrums splitting under the immense pressure of Steve’s low grumble.

That’s not what scares Tony. What scares him is the glistening pearl of precum that buds at the volcanic crater of Steve’s slit. It builds in size, in volume, an avalanche of sticky fluid, and he knows with a great, mounting horror that the second it drops, it’s going to wipe out an entire apartment building.

One single drop of precum will devastate dozens of people, will wipe out entire households, and Steve doesn’t even seem to notice — let alone care.

This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. He has to do something -— and so he kicks off, the rockets at his feet carrying him up, up, up a full kilometer in the air. Even with all that upward thrust, he still barely manages to make it to Steve’s waist.

One sharp jerk of Steve’s wrist sends a gust of air that throws him out of balance, sending him careening head over foot and slamming into a wall of flesh.

With his back against something sticky, he realizes in horror what he’s stuck to right as he sees the barreling momentum of Steve’s hand in his next jerk. He’s swallowed in an avalanche of skin, and lost on Steve’s body.

Steve did not even see him. Steve didn’t even notice the little speck lost in his lazy masturbation. He’s too busy staring down at the ground beneath him as another growth spurt ripples through him, carrying him outward, carrying him upward. He must be miles tall now, he can’t even imagine the math, he can’t even compare it.

What he does know is, all those little grid lines beneath him are city blocks, and his dick spans a dozen of them. He also knows, with a rippling jolt of pure arousal, that if he were to come… if he were to just jack off and finish, it would flood an entire city.

And god, that thought gets him harder than anything ever has in his entire life. His hand works harder, works faster, jacking his cock with a renewed frenzy that sends the population between his thighs into despair. They know what’s going to happen, and it’s all they can do to run — knowing that even if they move as fast as they physically can, even if they hop into cars and somehow escape the gridlock of traffic, even if they manage to put literal miles between themselves and the place Steve’s testicles crush their city, they won’t make it far enough in time.

And they’re right.

Another groan rumbles, and this time every single person in the state of New York can hear it. Windows shatter under the sound of it. Earthquakes shake tremors in the ground through voice alone, to say nothing of the untold devastation as Steve shifts on his haunches to dip forward and press the head of his dick into the ground, rutting through entire counties and leveling them in one aimless, heated hump.

As he rolls his hips, as his enormous glutes tighten in fervor, as he drags himself along irreverent to the thousands of crushed people beneath him, Steve Rogers wipes Queens off the map entirely with one earnest rut.

It’s too much. He shifts again, one elbow planting on the ground, his knees and thighs comfortably stretched out beneath him, and he works himself hard, mounting, building, wide blue eyes forced open so he can watch it when it finally hits, when it finally happens.

His orgasm tears through him in a torrent of semen bigger than any tidal wave. His release washes through city streets, drowning everything, sticky and unstoppable. A flood, a thousand rivers, the best god damn thing he’s ever felt. Every person in its wake is consumed by it. And all he did was just let himself come.

#mcu #giant #g/t #growth #steve rogers #commissioon #micro/macro

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ofj-art · 2 years

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i actually think kyubey isn't inherently a bad guy. he doesn't have feelings, he was made for one purpose only: to save the universe. its not really his fault, that he doesn't know any better. and in the end, its for a nobel cause. just my two cents tho. i still think the "real" antagonist is homura, because of her selfish actions. don't get me wrong, i love the relation between homura and madoka, and wanna rip that little cat-looking-shit apart with my own two hands. but i just wanted to share a different spin on how to view the anime.

Ohohohoho Madoka opinions I see, don’t mind if I give my own take here. >:3c

I say this with a respect, because we’re all allowed to form our own opinions on media and such, but as someone who’s recently been gettin pretty damn into analyzing the series + rebellion, I can’t help but wholly disagree.

Starting off with Kyubey you gotta ask,

What makes someone a bad person? Their intent? Or their actions?

You’re right that Kyubey doesn’t possess emotions and their ultimate goal is to generate enough energy to sustain a universe being eaten by entropy. And I’ve seen several times before people feeling sympathy for Kyubey or thinking really he isn’t all that evil because the magical girls agreed to his contract.

But I think this falls exactly for the trap of his character.

He’s introduced in a way that is supposed to invoke sympathy, he’s hurt and running from Homura. He takes up the role of magical animal companion who reaches out to the series protagonists of magical girl shows to pull them into the fantastical world and plot. He is an allusion or stand in precisely for those characters. Of whom are entirely friendly and on the side of the protagonists. His appearance is disarming and cute, although a bit uncanny and unsettling the longer you stick around.

Kyubey doesn’t see himself or his kind as the bad guys, because why would he? He’s helping save the universe! And well, the girls agreed to this destiny, right?

But that’s an obfuscation of the truth.

Kyubey is manipulative and untrustworthy. He specifically targets the girls when they are at their most vulnerable. We’re introduced in a lighthearted tone enough, following Mami around as the girls consider making a contract. Mami tells her story and it indicates it was making a contract or literally death for her. She is without a family and lives alone, she entirely lacks a support network, because of this, despite only being a year older than the other girls, she puts on a more mature and put together persona.

She knows this life is dangerous but desires companionship and allies. She’s a victim of this system as much as the others, and once she dies a reality of magical girlhood is faced head on. There’s no denying or sugar coating it, and the whimsical cover of the nature of magical girls gets stripped away.

I’ve heard people say Madoka is indecisive in the series but I strongly disagree. Because it’s clear in her behavior that she abandons the idea of becoming a magical girl after the death of Mami. She has people she loves and can’t leave behind, she places her notebook in Mami’s empty apartment and asks for her forgiveness.

However, Kyubey hasn’t left. He is still stalking the girls. And each time they are presented with an option to make a contract there is a clear pattern. They are vulnerable, they are powerless, and they are desperate.

For the rest of the series Madoka is approached when she is stuck and her heart is breaking for others, true to her giving nature. She wouldn’t even be involved in the world of magical girls again if not for her best friend becoming one.

Kyubey tries repeatedly to take advantage of Madoka’s desperation and heart break for her friends, promising her power to stop all these bad things- if she just agrees. But it isn’t a bad handful of events- these are the specific consequences of a malicious system that Kyubey and his kind have intentionally constructed to trap innocent young girls and drive them into despair.

Sayaka makes a deal after seeing Kyosuke in extreme distress, she decides this is a noble sacrifice. She is unaware of Mami’s appearance being a front to the vulnerable girl that she is, because Mami only showed her vulnerability to Madoka. Because of that she holds herself up to this impossible standard of a courageous and pure hearted magical girl who fights for justice. And every time she fails to live up to that she severely beats herself up, until she’s caught into a spiral the system of being a magical girl is supposed to invoke. Helplessness.

Magical Girlhood is helplessness that lures young girls in with a promise of agency, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you become a MG you are promised power and freedom and a wish, whatever your heart desires. It’s dangerous but don’t worry, it’s a noble cause, right?

But its purpose is to drive these girls into becoming witches. Kyubey purposefully isolates them, approaches them at their most vulnerable. He pits magical girls against one another, he lets them fight because the more they suffer the better it is for him- and if Madoka feels so helpless watching them, well, he has the cure. He speaks with a subtle manipulation, making the girls feel special, placing guilt or doubt in their minds to drive them to conclusions her wants them to arrive to, makes himself seem without accountability for what transpires.

Not to mention he very intentionally hides imperative information from ALL magical girls. About the truth of their soul contract. Absolutely none of these girls can give proper consent to the contract because he is shielding them from the full truth of it. That this is a death sentence, that all magical girls share a destiny of death. Or, in his real intent, a fate much worse than death. Becoming a witch, a physical manifestation of all of your emotional anguish, trapped in a prison of your own worst, torturous feelings. To be executed by the hands of another naive girl.

And even if he was entirely honest these girls still could not consent. Not when he targets them while under emotional duress to twist their arms into making a deal, and most of all not when these are children. Tweens and teens. Is Kyubey a bad person while he sacrifices girl after girl to the altar, while they don’t even know they’ve signed a pact to their woefully premature deaths?

There’s several allusions in the series directly to Faust, a tale specifically about making a deal with the devil. And even if Kyubey may lack empathy inherently, that apparently doesn’t stop him from being arrogant. He looks down at the girls for being creatures of emotion. He compares them to livestock. He believes he is 100% justified in lying and coercing these girls. But in what world would that make anything he did any less cruel and underhanded?

Is he absolved of being a bad person because he believes he’s doing the right thing? Is that not what most all people in the world who commit heinous acts believe? That somehow, someway, they are in the right?

I believe fully that lacking empathy does not make anyone or thing incapable of expressing compassion. Kyubey and his kind have been observing humanity for centuries, they’ve had direct access to the same kinds of knowledge as humanity, witness to the same experiences. If that isn’t enough for Kyubey to know better I don’t know what is.

But Kyubey only sees these girls as disposable fodder, and any suffering they have on the way down is a positive for his ends.

Onto Homura.

Homura, by all means, is the protagonist of PMMM. Not initially, and not the only one, but definitely a primary one. The entire story is wrapped around the consequences of her quest to save Madoka’s life, and ultimately in Rebellion we are brought to the fulfillment of her arc from her POV.

It’s interesting you bring up selfish actions, because I feel like the balance between selfless and selfishness is a theme in PMMM. And like the series shows in its other nuanced portrayals, this isn’t a black or white game.

Sayaka, for example. We get to see her full experience as a magical girl, she is the quintessential magical girl experience- hopeful start to despairing end. She makes her wish to help the boy she cares for heal, something selfless of her to do. But she also has her own wishes that this will make him favor her in some way. Kyubey deliberately guilt trips her about this, and as her opinion of herself lowers and lowers she casts herself into a view of cowardice and selfishness.

To her, especially operating under the noble ideal she has constructed out her own desires for doing good, for purpose, and Mami’s incomplete legacy, to be selfless is to be utter devoted to her cause. It is a bar she feels she has been failing to meet because she’s imperfect, she’s flawed and she grows tired and bitter and sad.

She is confronted with someone who directly contradicts her ideology, Kyoko, and initially this drives her to a rage. This was another reality of magical girlhood she was faced with, the cutthroat nature of survival, but she instead only saw a disrespect to the remaining echo of magical girlhood as justice and mystique that her time with Mami had painted. But then Kyoko opens up to her and she realizes she isn’t some evil person, it isn’t black and white.

Kyoko is selfish. She puts herself first always, or at least she’s resolved to. This is a direct influence of her experience with her father, with her own experience of selflessness- and how bitterly it ended. But like how complete selflessness is an unachievable ideal, her own selfishness is a coping mechanism- a survival technique. She admires and empathizes with Sayaka and reaches out to her, attempting to halt her rapid downward spiral. But Sayaka rejects this, because to her she’s determined complete selflessness is the only honest and good path. She continues to see in black and white anyway, her literally lowest point is portrayed in black and white.

With her inability to prioritize herself or spare herself kindness it kills her. But in turn her heartfelt desire for good and justice inspires Kyoko, and her final act is an entirely selfless one meant for Sayaka, the girl who dedicated on giving to everyone but herself. She sacrifices herself to give Sayaka peace and reach out to her, to comfort her tormented soul. In her final moments she prays, because deep down she started fighting for the same reasons Sayaka did.

All of the magical girls fight for good, all of them fight to be selfless. But it is inherently a losing battle because they are trapped within a predatory system. Kyoko adapted to survive, and to a different extent, so did Homura.

Homura is firstly, and foremostly, extremely traumatized.

And I don’t mean this to excuse her actions but her past with the prior timelines and the trauma it instilled onto her is integral to understanding her character.

She started off very similar to Madoka. Shy, unsure, without much autonomy. She meets Madoka, who is already a magical girl, and makes her first real friend in who knows how long.

In the initial timeline things go as they probably would have if not for Mami’s death. Without the presence of the full truth of magical girlhood, Madoka, instead of being coerced, is now willing and makes a contract for herself, though her wish is still to help another (saving the life of a cat). This speaks to her loving and sacrificial nature being with her through and through, even here.

We see it in the beginning of the series, Madoka is pulled in by the allure of becoming a MG because she craves purpose and agency. Kyubey promises both, you get power, a wish, and a just cause. Madoka comes from a loving home and good friends, she becomes a magical girl selfishly for her own fulfillment. But as we saw with Sayaka, acting for yourself is not inherently a bad thing at all. Or it would be a good thing here, if not for the underlying reality she is unaware she agreed to.

But despite Homura not becoming a magical girl in the first timeline until the end, they become friends. They care for one another, and witnessing Madoka sacrifice herself Homura is overcome with grief and sorrow.

And who else would that kind of vulnerability and desperation summon but Kyubey himself- with his offer.

So Homura gives up her soul to save Madoka’s life. She wakes up and starts the cycle over, confident she can now help her friend. They rebefriend one another, and she trains her powers. She’s still meek and unsure, but is determined and keeps pushing to improve, much to the love and support of her best friend.

That is until she dies once more. And then again. And again. And again.

Over and over Homura has relieved this month trying so hard to save the person she cares for. Initially she immediately informs everyone when she learns of the dark truth of the nature of witches and magical girls. This ends in disaster. She sees the girls around her die again and again, and always in the end, so does Madoka.

When we see Homura in the beginning of the series she is cold and distant. And we see in her recollection how much pain this causes her. But she has devoted herself entirely to saving Madoka’s life, no matter the cost.

Homura is not cold because she is villainous or uncaring, it is because it is necessity. She has done everything she can to strip herself of weakness to survive, like Mami, like Kyoko, like Sayaka. Shoving down her inner vulnerability to keep pushing forward to save Madoka.

You could say her actions are selfish because she will do whatever it takes to achieve her goal, but her goal is literally entirely selfless. She has seen Madoka cry and suffer and die over and over. The one person who has been unquestionably kind to her and everyone she loves.

Homura isn’t just letting the fates of the others become numb to her because she wants to, we see her try to stop Mami from engaging with Charlotte to the point Mami ties her up to stop her from intervening. She’s seen Sayaka fall into despair before and she knows there’s no use in stopping her progression. She extends her allyship and tries to cooperate with Kyoko to take Walpurgisnacht down. But her main priority will always be to save the person she loves.

And what she sacrifices the most to do this is herself. Trial after trial she has pushed herself forward because failure, because despair, meant letting Madoka die. Not just die, but be sealed to this horrible fate where you are doomed to suffer. Homura knows what becomes of magical girls, she has literally seen Madoka become a witch.

She’s also nearly given up, asked Madoka to become a witch with her, stay by each other’s sides. But Madoka wouldn’t let her give up, she saved her and asked her to go back in time. Madoka asks her to stop her from becoming a magical girl. So she won’t be doomed to suffer like this. And after promising, Homura has to end her life before she can become a witch in the absolute most heart wrenching scene I have ever witnessed- her scream of agony gives me chills.

But arguably, just as selfishness and selflessness cannot be cast in a black and white for the other characters you cannot do so with Homura. She is not just operating on her own desires or wishes but Madoka’s as well. She is endlessly putting herself in harm’s way to do so. And there are plenty of reflections in Madoka’s and Homura’s characters, but here lies an important difference.

Background, something you wouldn’t even think much about on Homura’s part.

Homura does not value herself, she is given literally no indication of family, was in the hospital facing a feeling of isolation and helplessness for who knows how long, and previously went to a Catholic school- assumably being raised Catholic.

Whereas Madoka doesn’t value herself much for not feeling that she is doing enough for others, she is still coming from a loving home and a proper support system. She wants agency, confidence, passion, and purpose. Things all exemplary in her mother that she looks up to. She wants to find something she can dedicate herself to and find meaning and identity in that.

Homura is alone. She does not value herself because she does not see herself as capable. She is given value through Madoka’s kindness and when that is torn away and she wishes to save her friend, that’s when she becomes a magical girl. Not even for herself, as Madoka initially had.

When Homura becomes more capable it isn’t through a process of learning to be more confident in herself or trusting her capabilities. Perhaps for a short moment as she gets her footing. But as the cycle repeats her strength is drawn from necessity, from a necessary adaptation for survival. She clearly thinks very little of herself. She even distances herself entirely from Madoka despite the pain this causes her because she needs to dedicate herself to finishing this cycle once and for all. She is not operating on making herself happy, and every time she fails she spares herself no kindness.

But Madoka wouldn’t want that for her, because she sees her heart. That she’s a gentle girl who cares a lot for the people she loves, for Madoka. She’s been transformed over the series from her trauma, tenfold to the other girls because of the sheer amount of cycles she has lived.

Homura knows more than anyone else that the only way to survive this cruel system is to work as coldly and efficiently as possible. Because kindness gets you killed, and Madoka is kind, and it killed her in every single timeline before. Every single one.

I think people often forget about the scene in Rebellion in the field. Homura has broken down into tears faced with the reality she was left with without Madoka. When Madoka ascended she was left entirely alone in her grief. Not only did no one know her traumas, but no one knew Madoka, the entire reason she dedicated herself to her mission. A mission she failed. She knew Madoka’s sacrifice was noble, but she was left entirely alone in a world where her best friend was worse than dead and no one remembered her.

Homura brings up how at some point she doubted herself and wondered if she made it all up. The absolute pain of doubting your reality in such a way, the isolation of her experience, the grief and loss. No wonder she ultimately fell to despair.

But Madoka comforts her, she holds her close and braids her hair, as though she’s trying to rebuild Homura back into the girl she was before all of this strife transformed her. She tells Homura that she would never leave her loved ones, and to be away from everyone would make her incredibly sad.

And Homura’s eyes go wide and hair comes undone as she realizes this. A wash of emotion, of relief to hear her affirm this and a feeling of… something else.

If you think about the circumstances of Madoka’s sacrifice, she does it when Homura is facing death. Her family is in danger from the witch appearing as a storm, her friends are all dead. Madoka uses her karmic destiny to make the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of selflessness.

But there is no pure selflessness. What she did was unequivocally good, good for all magical girls. Even Homura spent her time after her ascension trying to honor Madoka’s wish. But in it’s selflessness it erased the happiness and future of Madoka. Her kindness spread so much good but at the sacrifice of herself. Not just dying, but a fate far worse than death.

And Homura has done this over and over again, she’s had Madoka make her promise to stop her from becoming a magical girl before. She has only ever been fighting for a world where Madoka can be safe and happy. And hearing this admission, notably within the labyrinth- with Madoka’s memories gone and the constructed circumstances of all the girls peacefully being magical girls- the Madoka telling her this is the Madoka most resembling the girl she knew in the first timeline.

And she is telling her that doing something as drastic as she did would make her unhappy.

I think there is of course something to be said about Homura pulling her down from Heaven. That she acted without Madoka’s consent, forcefully tearing her apart and erasing her memory to give her a peaceful life. She’s trapped between dishonoring Madoka’s wishes and sacrifice, while simultaneously acting on Madoka’s wishes and well being. But she has been operating on these cycles for so long- why would this time be any different. Another failure of a timeline, Madoka is still suffering, so she has to start over anew.

And I think her self perception is important in her portrayal as demonic. She thinks extremely little of herself, and not only that, but again, was raised Catholic. In the film we see the rooftop of the middle school and among the many small changes within the labyrinth we see it now resembles a cathedral. There are many religious themes, the teacher opens speaking on the second coming, about the end of the world. Madoka is literally a god, Homura kneels down and hangs off the feet of her statue.

Homura has been raised in a religion that teaches of sin and guilt and she is, for one, in love with another girl. She has been strung along by fate again and again, trapped within it. She has been taught to supplicate herself before god but now seeks to rebel against such.

Her self actualization is once again a product of her trauma. She acts in a twist of selfishness and selflessness. She labels herself as demonic, she fails to recognize her own sacrifices or value. She imparts vindictive wrath onto Kyubey and Kyubey alone, she allows all the other girls to live happily. She even separates herself yet again from Madoka, in a world she can control she does not force them to be close. She would not do that, and thinks too little of herself now, and determines rather that they shall end up enemies.

Homura is not happy at the end of rebellion. She’s alone. She has got her way but it is distorted, not because of her inherent character but a reflection of her experiences, of her self perception. We are left in a delicate state of a universe, waiting for Madoka to awaken once again. But in the meantime, she’s given opportunity to live a normal life.

I’d say by the end of Rebellion Homura is antagonistic by her own choice and action. But seeing the scene in the field, knowing the full context of her experiences. Despite regarding herself as evil I don’t think that she is, and in the upcoming movie I don’t think Madoka will think she is either. She even tried to kill herself in her witch form before Madoka and their friends eventually free them from Kyubey’s trap.

The self empowerment she does seem to project comes from her rebellion against fate, her feeling of satisfaction to no longer be trapped within it, to force Kyubey to take the burden of all the curses in the world. She finally has agency after being trapped in helplessness for so long. She was helpless before being a magical girl, and even more afterwards, trapped to the whims of fate. But now she has ripped herself free of it. But she doesn’t at all seem actually happy, we’ve seen her actually happy, and this isn’t it. And if this is her fate, it is, among the many tale of many other magical girls, a tragedy.

At least that’s my perspective/analysis. There’s more I could get into but this is long enough. Like I said, we’re all allowed to have our own opinions, I’m just trying to inform mine from what I interpret from my reading of the text. If anyone has actually read this all, thank you, and I’d love to hear your own opinions or takes!

#pmmm #pmmm spoilers #puella magi madoka magica #madoka kaname #homura akemi #analysis #kyubey #sayaka miki #kyoko sakura #mami tomoe #long post

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lyinginthesnow · 1 year

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What makes me lose my mind a bit about Season 2 Kendall is that like— Logan is trying to fully break his will and control him, and Kendall is trying to break his own will in a lot of ways through guilt and self-destructive behaviours, but there’s this tiny stubborn part of him, this desire for self-preservation, that they can’t kill no matter how hard they try. There’s this little instinctual, human voice inside him saying no, I want to live, I want to fight back, I don’t want to be his puppet, I don’t want to drown. Like initially he wants to save Vaulter, and oppose Logan on buying Pierce. Each time he goes up to the roof in “Safe Room”, he comes back down. He confronts Logan when Logan’s getting too cozy with Rhea in “Return”. He seeks out some form of happiness with Naomi (obviously that is self-destructive too given that he knows her presence will enable his drug abuse, but he also does seek connection and joy out of their relationship). But every time this desire to care about himself and fight back rears its head, either he or Logan smothers it. He submits to Logan’s orders regarding Vaulter (“because my dad told me to”) and Pierce. He goes back up onto the roof multiple times. After the confrontation about Rhea, Logan takes him to the waiter’s house, reminding him of his guilt and powerlessness. Seeing that Kendall finds escape in his relationship with Naomi, Logan sends her off the yacht.

So when Logan tells Kendall he is going to be sacrificed in “This Is Not for Tears”, Kendall has reached a point where he obeys without a single protest. “I deserve it. Maybe I deserve it”. But — crucially — Logan disagrees, saying that Kendall has nothing to be guilty about regarding the waiter’s death. Logan’s lines here are really important, because (in my interpretation??) they ignite Kendall’s repressed urge to fight back that has been slowly eroded this entire season, which leads to his decision at the end of the episode. If Logan had responded “yes, you do deserve it”, then Kendall would have walked to his own destruction willingly, giving up, maybe even feeling a sense of righteousness that he was being punished. But Logan doesn’t say that. Instead, he says: “Nah, nah. Not that. NRPI. You’re the best. Don’t beat yourself up. No real person involved. You know, it’s… it’s nothing.“ It’s nothing.

I think Kendall has a realization in this moment which is very similar to the one Rhea has in “DC”, when she says to Logan, “I can’t see the bottom of the pool. I don’t know if you care about anything. And that scares me”. Kendall’s conscience has been eating him up from the inside — but Logan doesn’t have it. He just doesn’t care. The waiter’s death has been weighing on Kendall as the basis for his self-destructiveness (and submission to Logan’s control), but Logan dismisses it so flippantly, almost as if it is irrelevant, since the moral value of that event is currently not related to his own self-interest in using Kendall as a tool. Which is all this ever was. To Logan, it was never about the waiter. It was never some form of “deserved” punishment. It was always just a part of Logan’s game, convenient to him, serving his aims.

So that tiny stubborn part of Kendall comes to life a bit inside him. It says no, no I don’t want to lie down and let you do this to me. I’m not sure he listens to it right away. But it’s there, and it grows bit by bit. No I want to live, no I want to escape, no I want to fight back, no my father is a malignant presence, a bully, and a liar, and this is the day his reign ends

#and obv this is all just my personal interpretation since logan and Kendall’s decision making is soooo subjective —#what is their reasoning??#and at what point/based on what do they make those choices??#u could look at it a million ways…#stopping myself from writing ‘in my opinion’ before every sentence of this post was a harrowing experience #anyway #i am very normal about kendall roy daily affirmation #i watched 2x10 recently and. yeah ughghmm it was immensely distressing #logan roy #kendall roy #succession season 2 #succession 2x10 #succession #ruby (unfortunately) watches succession #suicidal thoughts tw #addiction tw

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filthforfriends · 8 months

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Chapter 4: Comfort

The Sun is the Center of Everything

See Authors Note (CW: Addiction, hard drug use)

Word count: 4.1k

“The label would like to fly you out to London.”

“Do they know we’re broken up?”

“This isn’t for an event. Sony believes that you’re the most effective kind of damage control when it comes to Damiano. They’re probably not wrong.”

“Is he okay?” Already, you’re opening Twitter.

“For now. I think he’s reached a turning point where the drugs are more scary than they are rewarding. If we can just get him into rehab…” In moments of wishful thinking, you’d done some research into rehab programs in Rome. In a moment of poor impulse control you’d stuck Damiano’s name on wait lists, which was no small undertaking. It meant using confidential healthcare information that you knew from the five year relationship. The fact that he hadn’t consented made it not entirely legal, but you justified it as a means to an end.

“The label is willing to refund Damiano for the program, whatever he chooses.”

“I think the difference might be an Italian-speaking facility.”

“I agree. So you’ll come?”

“Yes,” you wince. This might go horribly and hurt like a motherfucker.

“Good. Your flight leaves in four hours. The car service will drive you to the hotel. They have a gig tonight.”

“Oh lord.” The chauffeur actually took you straight to the venue, promising to deposit your belongings in your hotel room. You still had your friends and family badge. Wearing it again felt like putting on a costume. The cavernous backstage area was weirdly empty. You had to follow the arrows to the dressing rooms, of which there was an entire hallway. It was unusual that each band member had their own and that none of them were there to greet you. Handlers and security gathered around the entrance to what you assumed was Damiano’s room with crossed arms. You weren’t sure why, until you heard the yelling.

“Shit, he’s gonna shred his voice for tonight.”

“We’re past that point,” someone responds, not even looking at you.

“Just leave him to calm down,” another suggests.

“We need him for soundcheck,” someone else hisses. Many of these staff members were added since the breakup. Luckily, you found Ronnie.

“Hey, staring at him like a zoo animal isn’t helping, no?”

“Oh, hey. Yeah, um…”

Damiano comes out of either a closet or bathroom, slams the door and bellows, “Why the fuck are you watching me?”

“We don’t know what he has on him or if he’s eaten today.” Damiano slides down with his back against the wall and curls in a ball behind the couch. He’s so defeated and powerless that it shatters your heart into splinters of glass.

“He’s totally dysregulated. Have you offered him food? Water?”

“He’s insisted that he won’t eat,” says another new voice.

“Get him some pizza from the bougiest place you can find and if he doesn’t eat it, fine. What about his rider?”

“It contained alcohol so we had someone remove it.”

“You removed the whole rider, not just the alcoholic drinks?” You look at Ronnie in astonishment. “Fresh fruit is on his rider because he eats it before a gig. So he has something in his stomach, but it won’t make him sick running around on stage.”

“Right can, uh…can someone get some fresh fruit for Damiano?”

“No citrus, no pineapple,” you add. “Don’t need to douse his vocal chords in citric acid right before a gig. Also throat coat tea and cold compresses to help him calm down. Alkaline water, as well.” You look into the giant dressing room to see if he’s noticed your voice amongst all the others. Dami seems to be in his own little world, and not in a good way. You can’t do this with an audience.

“One more thing, could you just back up a little bit.” You herd the onlookers out of the doorway so you can achieve privacy. “Just a little more, mhm. Okay, great.” Before they realize what you’re doing, you close the doors of the dressing room in their surprised faces. Trying not to startle him, you place a hand on Dami’s back. It smells like he forgot to put on deodorant. Or maybe he was so stressed he sweated through it already.

When that doesn’t elicit a reaction, you rub his back and run your fingernails along his scalp. Dami shivers and looks up in confusion. That was your touch, but how the hell were you here? He’s obviously high, pupils completely blown out. Could phone camera’s catch that on stage?

“I closed the doors, it’s just me and you here.” He’s still processing, confusion turning into surprise.

“What did you take? Blow and liquor?” He nods sheepishly and avoids your eyes. “What about pills?” Looking sincere, Damiano shakes his head.

“They sent you here to talk to me?”

“I guess. I’m not here to chastise you, though. It seems like you needed some peace.” You stroke his head, then down his face. Dami leans into you organically.

“Can we sit on the couch instead of the floor?” As he stands, there's a timid knock on the door. Someone slides a couple trays inside. Fruit and tea on one, ice water water and a stack of cloths on the other.

“Thank you,” you say curtly and lock the door. “Ohh-kay, do you want some tea for your voice?”

“No thank you,” Damiano clears his throat. You wrap the first cold rag on the back of his neck and use the second to softly wash his face, redipping to keep the cloth cold. As much as you’d like to ask questions, it was clear that soothing is what Damiano needed.

“I’m gonna go grab the other tray.” You start eating the fruit yourself, knowing that will encourage Dami, and he takes sips of tea. You exchange the rag on the back of his neck with a fresh one. This is the tipping point. He opens the water bottle, but doesn’t drink. Instead, Damiano reaches towards you, arms around your waist and head in your lap as his face crumples.

“I can’t control it!”

“I know,” you murmur, stroking his flushed complexion.

“I can’t control it and I don’t know what to do,” he cries. “I just want to go home.” How childlike we all are, when worn down to the bone.

“That’s why I’m here, to take you back to Rome after this gig.”

“No, I fucking hate Rome,” he bites.

“Rome is your home.”

“No, you were my home and now whenever I go to Rome I can’t come home.” Closing your eyes, you try to steady yourself, with a few deep breaths, then a few more.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“I fucked it all up and I’m afraid…it feels like I’m too far gone to turn back.”

“You are not too far gone! People spend years in hard drug addiction and they’re not too far gone. Please, don’t give up on yourself! I haven’t given up on you, not at all.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are right here, right now, acknowledging that this is out of your control.”

“I’m so afraid of getting better because there’s only one direction. If I don’t do it then I’ve failed. If I fail, then I might as well die.”

“No, that’s not true! If you’re alive, then there's always a chance to get better. And if you relapse, you can get clean again.” As you say the words, they sound more like a Hallmark card than a mature piece of advice. Neither of you were equipped to handle this particular moment.

“Then you won’t want me anymore!”

“Yes, I will! My love isn’t that fragile. I am not that fragile. I dealt with your self-destructive alcoholic ass for months before we ended it.”

“I’m never happy. Even the blow doesn’t make me happy, it just keeps me going. The other day I was so close to trying crack, just to see if I would fucking feel something again.

“But you didn’t?”

“No, but I almost –” You lean down and press a long kiss to Dami’s cheek.

“You’ve already started getting sober then. Plus you’ve admitted that you need to get better, that this is all out of your control. Three weeks ago you couldn’t say that. You’re doing good.”

“It feels like it was all for nothing. I burned every bridge to force Sony’s hand in a new contract, and now I’m even more miserable than before. I can’t even enjoy it because I can’t enjoy anything! I’ve driven so many people away and the ones left are other addicts, but they’re all fucking miserable too. I can see them pretending they’re not and its so fucking depressing that sometimes I don’t even want to –”

”Go on,” you whisper horsely, stiller than a granite statue.

“I don’t even want to be alive anymore,” he finally admits. “The entire world thinks I’m a druggie playboy and they’re not wrong. I’ve destroyed all my credibility, every good thing that people thought about me and I’ll never get it all back.”

“I disagree, I think an epic rebrand will be humanizing and make you more lovable than ever. People crave a comeback story.”

“But I never put 100% into getting sober before! I don’t know how to try, what if I’m not good at it?”

“I guarantee you won’t be, which is why you’re going to go to one of the best rehab facilities in Rome. You’re gonna get psychiatric care to treat the why of your addiction so you can stay clean.”

“Come on,” Damiano sits up, face riddled with skepticism. “It takes weeks or months to get into those places.” He starts eating just like you’d predicted.

“That's why you’ve been on half a dozen waitlists for a few months.” Damiano scoffs and catches a grape in his mouth.

“No I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have.”

“How would I –” When he makes the connection, Dami’s mouth falls open in surprise. “You? But you’d need my SSN and fiscal code, right?” You nod with a self-satisfied grin. “Did you steal my identity, y/n?”

“For your own good.” He shakes his head in mock disapproval, but gives it away with a poorly suppressed smile. “I secured a spot for you before I got on the plane.” Secured was a nice way of saying frantically called and pathetically begged until I got a yes. His face falls.

“What? Do you really hate Rome that much? I’ll visit you.”

“No, no…I was just hoping for an excuse to stop by the apartment for a night.”

“When you get out, you’ll make me dinner and meet Cheeto, okay?”

“I’d love that. We’ll have– ‘scuse me.” He makes a face then bolts to the bathroom. Damiano turns on the faucet and fan, but you can guess the sound he’s concealing. Giving him a few minutes before checking in, you snoop through all his stuff. In the bottom of his box of cigarettes is a mostly empty dime bag of white powder that you almost missed. There’s also a pill case at the bottom of his purse which has coke in it, too. You feel silly after checking the room itself for drugs, as if Damiano wasn’t taping heroin to the underside of the sickly-green velvet couch.

“Babe?” Oops. “Dami, I’m coming in okay. In sickness and in health.” He’s sitting on the floor in the corner, panting, face scrunched in pain. You retrieve the water and cold compress tray.

“You really can’t keep anything down?” He shakes his head, obviously exhausted. “I’m so sorry. I know that cocaine can be hard on your stomach.”

“My own fault,” he winces.

“Yeah, but I still hate seeing you suffer.” You sit down on the floor beside Dami and pull his legs across your lap. Naturally, his head rests on your shoulder. You rub his back for a while, wiping it down with a cold cloth first.

“That's nice,” he whispers.

“Mhm.” You make a fresh one to wipe the sweat from his face. Then you take an ice cube and run it across the top of Dami’s chest to stimulate the vagus nerve. His breathing starts to slow and he leans into you more.

“I really miss this.”

“Affection?”

“Comfort. Everyone is…exhausted with me.” Not knowing what to say, you wrap one arm around Dami, set the other hand above his knee, then rock back and forth. For a few more minutes, you sit in silence on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor, just being together.

“Okay, I’m about to fall asleep, which means I need to get ready.” With a grunt, Damiano stands upright, then pulls you up after him. “Thank you, my lo – sweet – y/n.”

“Smooth.”

“Mm, thanks,” he cringes, walking up to the sink. He picks up a travel toothbrush and fresh tube of toothpaste that someone had already left there, prepared for this moment. You unlock the door and peek your head out to find Ronnie leaning his back against the opposite wall.

“Hey is he, is he gonna do the show?”

“Yeah, can you get us tickets back to Rome as soon as possible? His place is being held at a facility that does 24/7 intake.”

“Like right after the gig?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel comfortable taking care of him overnight. He needs people who know what they’re doing.”

“So he agreed to rehab. How’d you get him in?”

“Uh, name dropped,” you shrug, trying not to overcompensate. “So by the end of the show we’ll need a car ready with all our luggage, plus a change of clothes for Dam.

“Something inconspicuous. There’ll be a car waiting when you land, of course.”

“What if Twitter finds out we’re traveling?” Fans wanting a picture was inconvenient, but paparazzi wanting a story were truly the worst ever.

“Security will be there as soon as you deplane. We’ll keep this need to know.”

“‘Kay because he can’t handle any stress. I’ll need an ETA before we take off to give the facility and um…I don’t want him to get arrested for drug possession.”

“Damiano never puts drugs in his luggage, he always keeps them on his person.” You can already feel the nerves of walking by drug sniffing K-9s, hoping to god that there isn’t any significant residue in the bottom of his pant’s pocket.

“So we’re depending on the addict to be rational, thorough, and honest in the process of throwing all his drugs out? Really?”

“He’s good about not taking stuff through TSA. We wipe everything down. There's a system and we haven’t been caught yet.”

“And as great as that is –”

“Y/n,” Ronnie takes both your hands in his own. “Neither of you will end up in English prison tonight, I promise.” The lingering skepticism is written all over your face. “I promise,” he insists.

Damiano acts the very same before going on stage. He smokes a cigarette and bounces in place to mitigate his own adrenaline.You always stand with him in this moment, rubbing his arms and reminding Dami to be gentle while stretching his neck. It’s comforting to see the band comradery persist now that they’ve come together. There's fist bumps, plus Thomas and Victoria threatening to ruin the other’s performance. Mia is joking along with them, cheeks flushed and her top inside out. Tom keeps a hand on the neck of his guitar so it doesn’t hit her.

At this moment, you’d kiss Dami good luck, having to get on your tiptoes because of his stage shoes. Today you slink into the shadows and see him take a breath from an oxygen canister. Their stage manager counts down from ten while shining a flashlight at the floor, so no one trips on a wire or seam in the stage. You can see him put the persona on, then drop the cigarette on the floor and stamp it out. If you were beside him, Dami would take a final puff and hand it over for you to finish.

Ethan goes on stage first, then the rest of them. The audience releases a wall of sound and the unhinged screaming only intensifies as the lights go up. You can barely hear Ethan’s sticks click as he counts the band in. Mia cheers with the crowd, in case Thomas looks back. They never look back, but you both did it anyway. Just in case. She begins walking towards the audience exit. It was easiest to slip in front of the barricade unnoticed at the beginning because of the hysteria. You feel the tug in your chest to go with her, sing the lyrics to songs that Damiano had shown you first.

“Y/n! Oh my god!!” It's jarring to be noticed in real time since you feel so stuck in memories.

“Mia, hey!” You try to match her enthusiasm. “Looks like you’re having fun.” You flick the tag of her blouse as she comes in for the hug.

“Yeah, this venue is huge!” She doesn’t pick up the reference, but enthusiastically agrees anyway. Her and Thomas were both like that: sunny.

“I see you made use of the space.” Mia finally looks down.

“Oh shit! We weren’t sure how long the show was delayed, but Tom thought we had more time to, you know, finish. I wouldn’t touch his guitar if I were you.”

“Ew! You guys are disgusting, I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah, thank you!” she laughs. “Let me just...” Mia ducks into Thomas’ dressing room and fixes her top. “So, c’mon let’s go watch.”

“I, um…We’re not back together.”

“Okay, but I’m sure Dam would love to see you out there.”

“I can’t be filmed or photographed today. Also if you could not tell anyone that I’m here?”

“Uh, sure,” she’s put off, torn between staying backstage with you and watching the show.

“But, you go ahead! I have a ton of work stuff anyway, so I’m actually gonna be busy.” A total lie, but Mia isn’t the type to question the authenticity of a friend.

“Oh, okay! Love ya, good luck!” She pulls you in for a goodbye side hug, and practically skips down the hall. Was Damiano expecting to see you in front of the barricade? He probably hadn’t thought about the social media and paparazzi component, which meant he’d be disappointed. This realization didn’t change anything, it just made you miserable.

Except for the roadies, it's just you backstage. The actual concert was their time off, since they began hauling gear in total darkness as soon as the band finished. Despite how labor intensive their jobs were, the crew was in good spirits, their laughter echoing down the hall. They wore all black with tattoos scribbled on their forearms and cursed as much as possible. You consider saying hi, but this is no longer your space. It'd be like walking into your childhood bedroom with the Justin Bieber posters, hot pink bedspread, and tinkerbell night light still intact. You were visiting a past life, like a ghost.

While Thomas opens the encore with his solo, Dami runs back to his dressing room. You know that his body has become dependent on coke to get through a show and that if he stops now, he’ll crash before you can hand him off to the professionals. Still, it's awkward for both parties. Damiano pulls the pill case from his purse and looks at you with a pained expression.

“I…can’t do this while you’re watching.”

“Right, okay.” You stand up and gesture towards the door. “So I’ll just…”

“No, no, you shouldn’t have to leave. I’ll just go in the bathroom.” Dami closes the door halfway and hesitates because that seems a bit excessive.

“Are you gonna shove it up your ass or?” Dami’s laughter bounces off of the tiles.

“No, I only do that on certain occasions.”

“Like a birthday special?”

“Exactly.” You can hear the tap of something plastic against the porcelain sink. “Can you tell me you’re disappointed in me or something? This feels wrong.” You try to come up with something to say, but end up blanking.

“You are…a very bad boy.”

“Kinky.”

“Ugh, I’m trying! Disappointing…your behavior is disappointing. You are too grown not to know better. Refusing to acknowledge a problem exists is…counter productive to healing. You need to prioritize healing because nobody can do that for you. You have –”

“Okay, done!”

“Thank god.”

“See you in 15!” You walk around the kitchen collecting possibly useful supplies for the car ride, plus the pizza box with Dami’s name on it. The chauffeur walks down the hall with Damiano’s clothes in a garment bag.

“Your flight departs in two hours and 41 minutes,” he says in a professional tone. “Shall I take that to the car?”

“Huh?” Oh, thank you.” The jitters have already started to set in. “And has Damiano’s luggage been inspected?”

“Inspected, ma’am?”

“Yes, has someone on their team looked through it?”

“His luggage was packed by a member of their staff, although I am not sure if they inspected it in the process. Should I ask?”

“Yes, please.” He walks away looking bewildered. You hear the final scream of the concert and try to locate Damiano through the rush of activity backstage. Each band member walks towards the dressing rooms with a towel in hand, drying the sweat from their faces. Dami is exhausted, but he smiles wide when he sees you.

“Hey, were you out there?”

“No, I didn’t want to get mobbed when those photos hit Twitter.”

“Ah, smart.” He’s still disappointed.

“I’m sorry, but I need you to hurry up and shower. There's a change of clothes hanging in the bathroom. Also I made a cup of baking soda and water for your stomach. Our flight leaves in two and a half hours.”

“Jesus.” He pulls his shirt off while walking into the dressing room, the muscles of his slick back rippling. For a moment you’re very distracted with memories of digging your fingernails into that back while he fucked you to overstimulation. Or when you’d peg him from behind, cupping his balls in the palm of your hand, lips to the nape of his neck. Damiano made the most beautiful sounds when he bottomed. So whiny and demanding.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

“Huh?”

“I was saying it's so nice to see you,” Victoria panted. Ethan agrees behind her.

“Yes, you look well.” His formal way of speaking had endeared you from the very first meeting. Tom is nowhere to be found, probably finishing what he and Mia started before the gig.

“Oh uh, thanks. Sorry, I’m distracted. Our flight is…soon. Too soon.”

“Like tonight?” Victoria exclaims, pulling her own shirt off. She was bare breasted and unapologetic as per usual.

“Yeah, I guess the sooner, the better.”

“So he’s really going? Of his own volition?”

“Mhm! He’ll be in the facility by breakfast tomorrow.”

“Oh my god, that's amazing,” Ethan lets out a huge sigh of relief and Vic grins.

“I’d hug you if I wasn’t disgusting.”

“Well, that’d just give me a boner,” you deadpan. Nobody loved raunchy, flirtatious humor like Victoria.

“Ooh, well since you and Dam are on a break…” She wiggles her eyebrows and shimmies closer, sauntering around you with a provocative expression. Meanwhile, Ethan is silently laughing with his eyes scrunched. It's enough to evoke a genuine smile, but also your heart aches for the months you’d missed with these dumbasses.

“Since he’s busy, do you want me to show you what it’s supposed to feel like?” She gives an over exaggerated wink. There had been a strictly no band members policy in your non-monogamy.

“I heard that! Keep your paws off of her, Vic!!” Dami yells from the bathroom.

“Ugh, fine!” She gives your ass a robust slap before disappearing into her dressing room. Your understanding was that “on a break” and broken up were vastly different things, even though phonetics would suggest otherwise. Had Damiano lied or were you reading too much into it? And why did it make you so happy? Before you can get caught in a hell cycle of intrusive thoughts, Ronnie walks up and hugs you.

“I’m really glad you came,” he admits, pulling away. Your arms hang limply by your sides in surprise. Ronnie wasn’t the hugging type or the emotional type, but his eyes are glassy. It throws you off guard even further.

“You okay?”

“What? Yeah.” He clears his throat roughly. “And we checked everything twice. Someone is currently wiping out Damiano’s purse, just for you.”

“We can’t all be rock ‘n roll. Some of us have to be anal as fuck.”

“Agreed. I just wanted to wish you luck.” He gives a tight lipped smile and continues down the hall.

“Am I gonna need it?”

“Hopefully not,” he yells over his shoulder.

“Very reassuring, thanks.”

Notes: This is queue. I am currently camping because today is the anniversary of my grandmother's death. Taglist will be updated when I return. Thank you for reading, I promise it gets way less depressing really soon.

-XOXO Eden

Taglist (or taglist removal)

Masterlist

@surelyfreedombound @shinshans @lonnybunnys @davianos-blog @hauntedpostperson @lizzylynch1 @kammerstx@harryssshouseee @slavicgoddess13 @persona1read1ng@katyldamusic @whore4damia @the-chaotic-cow@icarodamiano @gr8rainbowpunk@elvirabelle@bright-shiningstar@maneslut @stardustingold @little-moonbeam-666@que--sera--sera

#maneskin #måneskin #damiano david #må #damiano #damiano maneskin #maneskin damiano #damiano david x reader #damiano david fanfiction #damiano david imagine #damiano david x y/n #damiano david x you

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