#bc thats good!!! self expression is GOOD
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DEVASTATED. bunch of my tags on that texty post got cut off . meaning it doesnt have ALL of what i said
#not gonna adjust it bc it works as is#and tbh . maybe for the better#look . ik the 'i love being a hater' stuff is more common now and i think its GOOD ppl are allowing themselves to dislike stuff#bc thats good!!! self expression is GOOD#but i myself dont wanna do that Personally!#just not my style of things#but id be lying if i said there. ARENT things i go -_- at#and i didnt get fully into that in those tags! just briefly alluded#but also the idea of pissing off more. strict osc members is daunting#i DO have more Stubborn and Angry ideas but those are ONLY unveiled in private#or when i dont think itll possibly piss people off#mostly bc of like. subjectivity and personal stuff! not many peoples business yknow :)#and also i generally just try to curate an environment thatll make people MORE happy#or if itll be upsetting its bc its artistic . you know how it is#im getting off track. hopefully this post makes sense!#(also i CAN tell what the tags were originally abt if asked if so desired but otherwise.#it stays between me and my friends who are kind and listen to me ramble :D)
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Some of yall deeply underestimate how much some cis men are threatened by trans men and our masculinity. How theres so many cis dudes out there that want to rape us, thinking that will make us detransition. How many incels out there are mad at us for betraying womanhood and not sucking their dick. How much they want to force us to detransition, how much they want to kill us and force us into hiding which, to me, minus well be killing us since theyre smothering who we are for the sake of a status quo. We shake their fundamental understanding of the world. Its one thing for a GIRL to be a tomboy to them. They think its cute, like a baby pretending to be an adult. Its a whole other thing for someone percieved as a woman to try to actually be a man to them. They think thw fact we have the gal to assume we can escape their grasp, to escape the kitchen or whatever tf, means we're disrespecting them and trying to "destroy" them, rather than what it really is, us trying to be independent. We're the exact thing these types of cis men hate. Sometimes they tolerate (emphasis here bc im not saying they accept yall. Dont twist my words)trans women bc they fetishize them but they want to completely eradicate us becayse we threaten the patriarchy by virtue of deciding we dont need a man to take care of us, we want to be the man that takes care of ourselves.
#and bc ik how some of yall are on this site and how uncharitable you are let me be clear: just because they TOLERATE trans women/fems#sometimes. doesnt mean i think they actually respect you or see you as you. im not abot to say you somehow have it easier. they want to use#you and then dump your body somewhere. im well aware of that. but they *also* want to entirely entrap us and our identities and keep us#smothered with no escape. its why were seeing child marriage laws. its why were seeing anti abortion laws. its why we're seeing rights#stripped away from ppl wrongly percieved as women becayse theyre so threatened by us and how we think we can be on our own#that they have to try more extreme measures ro control us our bodies and self expression. its why candace owens goes on saying#'does women voting actually do any good for anyone??'#and no. entrapment isnt them somehow caring about us mlre than you. thats their alternative to killing us but its not an alternative bc it#fundamentally strips us of our rights and autonomy. and also. entrapping us and forcing us out of our gender. like i said. minus well be#killing us. its not likely we'll just get to run away free from these men if they get this type of power. its more likely they kill us for#even daring to betray them their values and words.#so how tf is anyone more privileged in this situation? in trans spaces? can we really fucking say someone has it worse rn.#is it really worth it to try to divide and weigh who has it worse. bc they want both os us dead for being who we are.#and its not like they dont offer yall an out to. its just their out is ALSO basically killing yourself bc they want you to conform to#cishet white manhood.#also it goes both ways. cis women are like this towards trans women. its the proximity effect.#where you get more upset with different people who are also more like you than other ppl#the difference i'd argue though is cis men- at least the ones in power- have more of an ability to remove us than cis women#like its easier for them to do.
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never forget that i was so incredibly visibly heart eyes at the sparks beacon theatre concert that some guy like 5 people down from me in the front row was like "there was such a look of love in your eyes as you watched!"
#COME ON MAN#really good (mildly to severely embarrassing) to know that it was that obvious to a) that guy who wasnt ever facing me#and of couse then b) to That Guy onstage#again my memories of any eye contact that night are as follows#a couple We Are Both Exchanging Awkward Glances With One Another russell moments#and a good natured incredulous expression of judgment from ron at me singing along to every single line of bon voyage#like 90% of the time i was enjoying myself at the show the other ten i was so awkward abt being first row i didn't know how to stand gjfbfn#but the russ eye contacts moments werent like 😏 they were more like oh god we both locked eyes at the same moment dhfjhnf???#i think there were a few more glances my way at the hbowl but thats bc a) Gold Glitter Suit and b) i was less self conscious jammin out#and to think before the show i had been like 'idk man what if he doesn't notice me' I WAS WEARING A GOLD GLITTER SUIT#also since the pool circle had people not there to actually appreciate spars i was among the closest people actually cheering n having fun
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I keep being annoying I know but it is so so soooooo amazing to have 90% good or decent days instead of 70% bad and 30% manageable days
I can't stop talking about it bc ive never known anything else. Of course I struggle to even take care of myself when my mind has been telling me to off myself or hurt myself or just bad shit about me
Who has energy to do anything when someone you can't get rid of keeps screaming at you you're worthless?
And now... I still have bad self image ofc, I still have my asd/add and the difficulties tied to that... But. My mind is in a different place. I can focus of the things I appreciate. I see the world so... Differently. The world hasn't changed but my eyes and views on it has
#miranda talking shit#Im scared to ask people if ive changed bc it sounds scary but also im like.... I have#In the sense i can be more of my positive self. Ive always had this side... But havent had the mental energy to have it out#I cabt express this sentiment enough im sorry for spamming about it but like....#My world has been.... So bad since i was a child . Reading my diary back made me start seeing#Child me mentioning ... Wanting to die. Wishing i was dead by the age of 9-10....#And i had active bad bullying by my brothers at home til i was 6-7... The years between was me being#Constantly anxious and scared they'd go back to hurting me and then the damaged started to show?#So im not excatly exaggerating when i say i have been deppressed almost all my life. That has been my normal#I havent felt much other than fear despair self loathing etc etc so#And having been trying all sorts of antidepressants and anxiety meds since i was 15....?#Ive tried more than 10. Best effects ive had is i feel kinda numb or.... Indiffrent. Like stable but not GOOD#I had accepted that was the best i could get. There was no amazing medication for me that would work great#And then im here and it's like.... Im not numb i am still emotional as hell but its more good now#Im still me but mkre of the version of me thats good...?
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it always rubs me the wrong way when people try to counter the supposed underlying logic to homophobic and transphobic thinking with ideas about the innateness of lgbt desire and identity. like things like ensuring people that there being more openly lgbt people wont “make kids gay” or whatever it might only make the already gay ones more comfortable which imo goes in the direction of 2 basic lines of argument: 1 that being lgbt is not a choice and 2 that being lgbt is not contagious. but tbh a lot of human identity and desire is based on the desire to be “like” somebody else or on the knowledge of a preexisting model to structure the capacity for desire by seeing the way other people structure desire and not this theoretical innate pool of fully formed truly individual desires that just so happen to coincide with those of groups of people living in a certain place at a certain time. like i want to call back to some lesbian pamphlet from like the 80s that was like a lesbian q&a where the hypothetical question was “is being gay a choice?” and the answer was something like “who cares if it is”.
like to me theres also something of an apology in saying dont worry we cant make more lgbt people all lgbt people are lgbt no matter what from birth and that is why you have to tolerate them (and therefore if someone isnt understood as innately lgbt this opens a way for violence bc the premise is that you have to forgive us for what we cant help basically). i mean in a path to end cisheteropatriarchy there will be more lgbt people as it advances because the hegemonic models of desire will be questioned and changed and that is part of liberation. you can say they were simply always there but all closeted but the thing is thats not something you can back up + who cares if it is a choice (it’d be a good and legitimate choice!). also the fact that it is not a legitimate or even real worry of homophobes and transphobes that there will be “more” lgbt people cause they’re concerned there are ANY lgbt people. so why engage in something so rigged to move the goal post from “queer is good + queer is something we want” to “queer is + queer is something we accept” which is closer to “queer is, unfortunately + queer is something we’re trying to help”
#personal#again there's simply not gonna be a test to determine everyone's one true innate self. thats more of a church thing#then also how this line of thinking is also used to separate 'good' or 'real' lgbt ppl from 'bad' or 'fake' lgbt ppl#like idk ive seen this movie before wasnt a fan of the ending etc etc#and like the thing is yeah homo/trans phobes are right. you will stop having as much of a social presence of lgbt ppl by#suppressing lgbt public expression. which by all practical means does make it so theres less lgbt ppl precisely#bc 'being' anything in the confines of your own mind is not the same as 'being' in the context of appearing and interacting with the world#so like yeah a threat to public existence is a threat to future existence. theyre not stupid#if the world interaction of a group of ppl diminishes but the group keeps the same size socially the group has diminished#but these assumptions come at it the wrong way around as if oppression is a problem with each individual and not with#the leverage of the group over the whole through its power to appear#which is annoying. tbh#and dont even get me started on giving credit to the false dichotomy between agency/choice and desire/accident. give me a break 🙄🚬
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hey pretty, I just wanted to tell you that it's not your fics that makes this your blog, it's you!! so don't feel like to be here you have to be "working" or "posting". you're you and I love u for that. really, I love it when you answer asks, you're so polite, gentle and funny, it actually makes us wanna talk to you. but!! if one day this whole thing ever overwhelms you it's okay baby. just wanted to let you know that you alredy give us so much <33 you are amazing in indulging our thoughts, you give us tiktok content and amazing dad headcanons for all the characters!! know you're doing great, you really are active here and we love you 💗❤❤
#cries for literally 100 years#thank you so incredibly much for this anon :(((( truly truly truly#hardly know how to express what i wanna so i have to stay in the tags so i don't end up blubbering all over u adslfjkjasnd#no one has ever ............... said anything like this to me before#at least about ... my content and how active i am and stuff#i always feel like im never doing enough. ALWAYS. even when i post a lot i just wish i could post more#and maybe its just cuz im comparing myself to my old self#but it makes me sad bc i just feel like u all deserve more than whats happening now#and usually im reassured by the fact that like... something IS better than nothing... esp w/ quality over quantity#but at the same time... idk. all my content seems so. rudimentary#so it's like. when i cant produce a lot of it... what am i even doing?#and honestly i think my burnout mostly comes from the fact that im sick of doing homework and the prospects of relaxing this summer#are just too good to give up (making even focusing on this blog hard) BUT IDK#it triggers my performance anxiety... like what if ppl hate me if i do bad... or am not the way i used to be... you know?#anyway thats just mostly to say... I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS. TRULY. i don't think ive ever been complimented this way#and i appreciate it beyond. words.#not sure how im gonna feel in 2-3 weeks after i settle myself for the summer but. as long as u dont mind the fact that im slow...#that's enough for me <3 just need to find my spark again (which is funny cuz im watching bnha s5 rn and its really got me like... HUH)#ajfdjalsjdfj sorry to talk ur ear off tho bc what u said is really so reassuring... i just AHHHH and want u to know i love u lots#forever and ever and ever#ask#anon#caitie chats#fave
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watching selkie become mainstream is weird bc i remember when this was a niche designer line
#💖.txt#its weird watching a lot of the very girly styles i associate with weird fem people on tumblr become popular!#i do wonder when itll stop being a trend bc. i am kind of annoyed#i try not to be bc yknow fashion is fun everyone should have a good time and i also indulge in trends#but. at a certain point im like ok can the thin cishet white women who havent read anything about gender#beyond the handmaiden stop talking about 'reclaiming femininity'#yr not reclaiming anything. it was never taken from you in the first place#narratives about reclaiming or choosing feminine self expression started as talking about queer/lgbt ppl and fat ppl and poc and now.#'oh but people judge me for caring about fashion' thats just misogyny! you are just experiencing normal misogyny!#anyways. can the normal cishet thin white girlies stop acting like normal misogyny#is somehow Extra Bad bc theyre feminine. misogyny is bad enough you do not need to exaggerate#you also sound silly when you insist masc women are celebrated
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ughh. might have to travel home again to dogsit for my parents this weekend
#which is fine like I'll do anything anyone asks me to I love being useful I would never say no even if I have to cancel my own plans :)#bc im so limited in the ways I'm allowed to express affection that my self worth is intimately tied to How Useful I Can Be yak yak whatever#but its such short notice and its such a long and expensive journey and I've been feeling so terrible my mind is not in a good place#don't particularly want to have to travel alone and then sit alone in a house for a few days I think maybe that would be bad for me rn 👍#it feels a bit mean tbh. my mum has asked to call twice in the last week and both times I've tried to arrange it shes left me on read#but now that she needs me for something. NOW she'll actually call. this is doing wonders for my self esteem#and im meant to go to a concert tmr i rly hope i dont have to cancel i was looking forward to it :^(#but whatever its ok silly to complain abt anyway i love them and if they need me there for anything ill be there. just bad timing thats all#.diaries#.vent
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i got what i wanted in the 3d but why did i keep assuming negative?
today i found myself assuming that something negative (that ive experienced before) was going to happen again soon. but this was without any clear evidence that it would happen. there was subtle evidence but then i caught myself and realized that is was all an assumption and i thought “why am i even assuming negative if i know the power of the law?💀” so i decided it wouldnt end up that way and i let it go. hours later i saw clear evidence of the complete opposite of my negative assumption. this means that everything was going good like no negative shit was gonna happen and i still literally got physical evidence of what i wanted. at the same time, i felt uncertain and again assumed that negative thing was still gonna happen soon (even tho i saw evidence that it it wouldnt happen).
why did i feel uncertain even tho what i wanted appeared right in front of me? because in reality, i was chasing the feeling. i wasnt fulfilled, i wasnt satisfied within. this is what ppl mean when they say “its the feeling you want, you dont want it in the 3d”. sure you want the object and the physical experience but notice how the “real” and physical thing did not satisfy me at all. i literally manifested what i wanted yet i didnt feel like it would last. the 3d will never give you what you want. it will always be that inner fulfillment that gives you want you want. fulfillment is what gives you the satisfaction so if youre saying that you manifested something in the 3d and felt secure, thats because you were fulfilled. why did i also get what i wanted in the 3d yet i didnt feel secure? it will always come down to the fulfillment. that fulfillment is the FEELING! the feeling of knowing you have it despite seeing it in the 3d or not. this is also why the 3d never matters; its all neutral. bc everything IS based on assumptions and states. you see the world based on which state you are in. if im in the state of being broke, i will look at a $50 headphones as too expensive and i wouldnt feel secure in buying it. but if i was in the state of being a millionaire, i would look at a $50 headphones as if it was fifty cents and i would feel secure in even buying a more expensive one. its not about the 3d, its about if you feel fulfillment because either way if you have it in the 3d and still dont feel as if its not rly yours (fulfillment), then you will continue to assume negative and feel unsecured in your manifestation.
“as within so without” right? this is why when you are satisfied internally, you feel satisfied externally; it gets pushed out because self is always expressed in the 3d. someone who is not satisfied with being a millionaire within, can never feel good in the 3d until they fulfill themselves within (or change states where being a millionaire is normal for them). everything truly is the feeling and everything truly starts within.
back to assumptions: i continued to assume negative even with positive evidence in front of me because i wasnt giving myself the feeling. i didnt feel satisfied within. assumptions are accepting ideas without evidence. i clearly assumed correctly because i didnt have evidence that that negative thing was going to happen but i clearly was in a state of fear which is what caused me to continuously have that assumption. whatever state you are in affects your assumptions. lucky for me and you, we can change states and assumptions instantly. other than that, next time you find yourself assuming negative, stop yourself and just decide/assume it will all work out. change your state -> you are now the person who already has what they want.
anywayz, i realized all this in a span of 7 seconds after i got the physical thing i wanted but still assumed negative. i wanted to make this post because ppl could be doing the same thing and still feeling stuck and thinking that something is wrong with them when thats not the case. catch yourself and assume positive. make it a habit that whenever you want something, fulfill yourself right away. assume its done right away. update: i assumed and fulfilled myself with what i wanted and i no longer feel the need to assume the negative shit 😛. the power of fulfillment am i right ?
kisses, jani ☆
#etherealkissed🎀#etherealkissed#loa blog#manifesting#law of assumption#loassumption#edward art#neville goddard#return to the wish fulfilled state#fulfillment#wishfulfilled
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Asdfghjkl. I just was making an iced coffee for me and my mom and my dad started talking to me and bombarding me with things and joking that I should open a coffee shop and it overwhelmed me so now I feel like crying and my skin is crawling.
Like I know it's not something big but it was a bit too much bc I was trying rly hard to focus and do stuff and I had a meltdown recently so I'm like really close all the time lately.
Ugh. As soon as I start getting overwhelmed sometimes I just want to throw shit out, curl into a ball, and hit myself. But that like not "socially acceptable" or whatever.
#diary#personal#suicidal ideation#i also now feel like i wanna die.#recalling makes it worse.#its been a while since ive got like this.#ugh. ive been watching a lot of autistic tiktoks lately so maybe thats partially why?#self harm#its not rly true self harm it's more of a stim but whatever#ugh. bc its been a while since ive got like this i feel like im just a stupid piece of shit.#like. im not sure how to translate it to words. but i guess like im just adopting these behaviours rather than expressing then myself#bc ive always mimicked things i find interesting#i just sorta always have. mm. i think its good i didnt go to pride. considering i nearly melted down from this.#honestly im still mildly falling apart im just rly good at surpressing stuff... which usually cause me to meldown later.... whoops#i might just get high bc my brain feels fucky. tho idk. i have stuff i wanna do.#drugs tw#but im definitely gonna go curl up in a ball in the dark with my noise canceling headphones#...seriously those r lifesavers when i get bad like this. cuz rather than feeling like theres too much going on ill be able to calm down.#mm. i wanna talk to my friends or something but its a bit too much rn and might cause me to breakdown.#like. its just like when i go to partys n stuff and ill enjoy it at first but then need tp be weird and fuck off bc i got overstimulated#which also always makes me depressed lmao. i always feel so bad bc i cant be normal...#like. how do i explain to you that i need a break without seeming like... idk weird i guess?#anyways ill continue that thought later imma go curl up in bed first before i feel like actual shit.#rn its only mild shit but i dont wanna push this too much lmao
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out of curiosity, what are the common qEtoiles mischaracterizations, and the accurate characterizations you wished people used more? Sincerely, an English speaking fan who is re-learning French!
honestly i kind of consider it a mischaracterization when people like... make etoiles into this team leader who always knows what to do and move things forward. or like that he has a bad attitude to like... match his fighting skills. or like the dark knight brooding warrior. he says he is these things. these are lies. he lies about himself constantly. i wouldnt trust a good 2/3 of the things he says about himself to be true. you read him clearer through his actions than his statements.
in my opinion etoiles is more like. sturdy second in command. he's not there to lead, he's there to fill in the holes where they pop up. he's there as cover. he's quick witted in shortchange scenarios, but that is so not the same thing as a genuine strategist. in another expression, if someone is a leader, the leader is a doctor, etoiles's role is more like... the EMS team in an ambulance. He's not there to fix your problem, he's there to keep your problem covered until you can get someone else to fully fix it. but that doesn't mean his role is any less important when he's needed.
Etoiles is also, like, so very much a team player if he respects and trusts a person. And it is so easy to have his respect and trust. His trust starts at 100% for everyone. he's also so very very very good at reading people (gesture to the bbh clip where bbh moves his mouse slightly downward and etoiles calls him out on being depressed). He read Mousey as enjoying dungeons and pvp way more and wanting to hang out with her. He's also one of the only people who like continuously runs in the girlies group and makes all of them pvp with him and they all love it so he keeps coming back to pvp with them. Thats how he started his whole thing with Tina and pvping with her constantly. Reading other people also, he loves finding other pvpers so he attacks roier constantly now bc he knows roier can pvp.
What else OH Etoiles loves whining (and this is because Rayou loves whining) that dude will just complain constantly. You haven't seen an etoiles stream if youve never seen him whine. Can't say I'm not kind of endeared by it. With this too he loves over explaining things (RIP armor powerpoint wish you couldve been given...) because he wants to help everyone....
OH and he's very over exaggerated too in replying to people in a complaining way and a self deprecating way and also likes to try to push the envelope with people and he does all of that to try and get a laugh out of others. like he's well aware people find him going "Oh so you don't give a shit about me and want me to die ? you want etoiles to die ?" fucking hilarious and also loves complaining in the first place thats why he does that. if your etoiles isn't complaining and whining then it isn't etoiles. the self deprecating thing is... its interesting bc he does have full faith in his abilities but will never say it out loud unless its trying to reassure someone who is worried. pushing the envelope is so specific he won't do it too much and its like........... from what ive seen (correct me if im wrong) heavily directed at non francophones where if they laugh at something wack he's done he'll try to do it again to make them laugh more. shoutout to the time he made bbh laugh so much when he cursed he didn't get languaged by bbh so he kept cursing to try to make bbh do it again. the dudes a total people pleaser.
smaller thing ive talked about extensively already (u can prob find it in my q!etoiles tag if i remember i'll edit a link to the posts in here soon lol) etoiles hates losing he looooooves winning he's very intense about it lol. its cute!
on a final note even if you don't become deeply unwell about etoiles like i am i think this highlight clip video has like everything he's like condensed into like 11 minutes. You should watch it. It's a good starting point.
youtube
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okay, we all know about SAGAU and its different hundred of aus (not complaining tho, some are chef kiss out there) but like I've been interested in Honkai Star Rail self-aware AU– like i know it's been out for a while but the SAGAU concept is even better when it comes to HSR because of it sheer size and potential.
(not saying Genshin SAGAU aren't good tho.)
It just that I've been having this brainrot and I just need to get it out.
Imagine in SAHSR (yk, self-aware honkai star rail), we got an OC (or reader, if you're more comfortable with that– i refuse to use Y/N, just no) that is an Aeon.
Nothing shocking but lets turn that up a bit by making the OC (or Reader) the oldest yet an unknown Aeon since they went into hiding, but still kept watch of the galaxies. People know little to nothing about OC other than their loyal followers– like, even some of the newer Aeons know nothing about us (or Reader).
My brain rot came up with the Aeon of Mortality. Kinda like an emphasization that we (the Aeon) was here before most of the living being in the galaxies (hence the 'creator' thingy).
Or Aeon of Origin would be a good one too since theres Terminus, the Aeon of Finality.
(kinda like a direct reference to Kiana and Mei, hehe.) But im leaning more towards Aeon of Mortality.
Heck, yk how the Imaginary element embodies the light of lives? yeh, spin that point to how when OC(or Reader), the Aeon of Mortality came into existence, which created the Imaginary element. hell, maybe even drag the Quantum element in too bcs mortality also embodies the aspect of death.
some of the faction/group names i came up with are [Freedom-willed Sworn], [Home of the Epheremeal] and [Anti-Entropy].
not gonna explain the meaning of all of that, but they all gotta do with mortality, freedom, freewill, the will to choose and live, etc.
now thats out of the way, lets get to the fun part!
OC (or Reader) is the Aeon that watches over the Trailblazers (like, us players) and latches onto the Astral Express because they used to be besties with Akilivi ( D: ). Stelle/Caelus have no idea how they got a whole Aeon to get attached to them but they aren't complaining!
(we are also the one enabling the two's trash-loving behavior lmao)
the Astral Express also has no idea why an Aeon, the oldest one (and one they know nothing about) decided to ride along with them. Himeko got used to our presence as we appeared when she repaired the train.
March is confused but happy, Dan Heng is cautious but tolerant and Welt is skeptical but lenient. But slowly, they get used to our presence and might even start liking our help and support!
Asta and Arlan are surprised to know that the oldest Aeon known is constantly watching over them. They've never met an Aeon that interact so close! Herta might have a whole aneurysm wanting to learn anything about us.
Screwllum and Ruan Mei would try to stop her but even they could not hide their curiosity about the oldest Aeon.
The Stellaron Hunters are surprised by our appearance as it was not written or foretold in Elio's script. Kafka is amused by the outcome, also a bit delighted to know that the Aeon (or Reader) was watching over them.
Going to Jarilo-IV! Surprise, surprise! Theres someone in Belobog who is a [Freedom-willed Sworn]! who is it? it can be whoever you might think it is!
The Jarilo-IV gang would be shocked to know that an Aeon was traveling alongside the Astral Express and was currently watching over them.
Some of them would be shy and awkward for knowing that, especially Bronya and Gepard. Some would be apprehensive, like Seele and Svarog. And some would be delighted! Aka, Sampo, Serval and Luka! Even Clara and Hook are happy to have us here.
Next station, the Xianzhou Luofu! right from the start, every kind of words gets out when they find out that the Aeon of Mortality is with the Astral Express. Xianzhou Luofu are skeptical of us, since they do not know of our standing, especially when it comes to the Plague Author (Yaoshi.)
not to mention OC/Reader is the Aeon of Mortality and little is known about us so they might think that our path is aligned with Yaoshi. (which doesnt, honestly.)
Jing Yuan would be suspicious of us but he would hide it well, Fu Xuan would be discontent since the future she saw did not include us, Yanqing have his own opinion but he'd follow Jing Yuan's belief, Sushang would be fascinated and Luocha would be surprised at our reveal.
Tingyun (or Phantylia) would be intrigued at our sudden appearance, Yukong is the same as Jing Yuan (just that she doesn't hide it) and Qingque wouldn't really care.
but once the Xianzhou Luofu quest is over and the gang understands that OC/Reader is not aligned with Yaoshi, they start warming up to us! while Xianzhou Luofu is devoted to Lan the Hunt in their pursue to eradicate Yaoshi, they wouldn't oppose the help of the oldest Aeon!
also, our relationship with some of the Aeons? Aeon OC/Reader constantly gives Qlipoth headaches and they would get worried about us since we do all kinds of shits ehehe.
Aeon OC/Reader constantly annoys Lan (affectionately) and Nanook whenever they get the chance.
OC/Reader are besties with Xipe (goes on a date all the time) and IX (bcs its hilarious). Likes to go sightseeing with Fuli and constantly argue with Aha lmao.
p.s. im hesitant to include the notion of 'Reader' as im not used to using that title but i think most people are more comfortable with that. i, however, will not use Y/N.
–
#just a little something#hsr brain rot bcs yes#sagau#sahsrau#self aware genshin#hsr aeons#honkai star rail#genshin fanfic#genshin impact#genshin sagau#honkai
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hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things
how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.
what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you
hi! ty!
it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up
its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol
"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"
well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.
"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."
good! keep going!
"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"
just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.
i'll give a list of stuff that helped me
theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment
stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc
you already are Self! nothing can undo that!
be patient
non attachment (or detachment)
experiment - take something you already know and test it
question everything
find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you
it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them
"am i arguing for my limitations?"
soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want
can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.
be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)
just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all
just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!
have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"
you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.
no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'
disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!
reading
habit
no need to convince
behaviour
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Me: I think id want to know someone that's mutually obsessed with me... Like I am with them
Oliver: ok... Well then you can meet people, that's very easy!
Me: uh.... Ok
Oliver: yeah I mean your courses, the people there do have the same diagnosis like you so they might think the same way as you?
Me: mmm.... I dont think... I dont know how I think is normal even among people with my diagnose
Oliver: um, okay. Why?
Me: because of how I think of other people... Or other people I like rather
Oliver: yeah, well that's not... Unusual. I mean you want to be around people you like so you obviously think good about them?
Me: mmm, yeah but I don't think... You'd want to know how I think about others
Oliver: why? Now I want to know
Me: no, I don't think you do...
#miranda talking shit#He said id have to come up with an answer tomorrow and im like uh... Im going to freak out this man so badly....#How do i explain my mind is 10-20% concentrating on whats being said and the remaining is usually ju st...#And clusterfuck of mental hearts and me going 'theyre so cute. I love them. Their smile is adorable. I love them. Their voice is so lively.#I love them. They are so good to me im so lucky. I love them' like. Genuinely thats at least half what's in my mind when i talk with people#I like. Its similar to my... Crush mental headspace except then im also super embarrassed and self conscious. Thats how i know when i have#A crush vs i dont. But i... Am fairly sure most people dont think that actively at all times while talking to their friends.#The people i think less that way about is probably Linnéa but still i have 10% of my mind going that way as well#This mind of mine is mainly why i can believe that i am in someway a bit in love with all my friends. Because my mind just... Without me#Controlling it thinking that way. Its like an... Shitty snapchat filter over their faces with pink edges and words and sentences going up#Aboht how i cherish them and little hear emojis flying around them occasionally. Thats how i can best explain it? Its now excatly how it#Visually looks in my head but its how it feels in my mind. I usually just think like. Theyre so cute. I love them. They are so amazing.#I dont think ive actively thought this way.... Always. But since i turned 16-17 its slowly developed and now i am like... Huh... Uh... Mmm#Ive never had anyone else say they think this way of people who they arent... In love with basically but for me its about anyone i care abt#And i... Cant express it bc people would get uncomfortable. Think im in love with them... And then distance themselves etc#Ive noticed i uh.... Let my affection show too much when i speak about others i love to people. So i try to ... Tone it down... But yeah i#For me its natural and it is just how i see and how i think about the people i love but i know saying that to any of them would make them#So uncomfortable. Except maybe Maya bc shes kinda open and accepting and also very loving. And Linnéa wouldn't love it but would#Give a nod and go 'well its part of your package deal (and ive heard you say a lot worse)'#But my guy friends would be like NOOOOOOO wtf 😭#Imagine Fabian hearing this? He'd fake his own death and move to another country and start anew
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Dude I love how you make gods feel like *gods*. One thing I think a lot of people have trouble with is making their deities feel like either A. Non-characters that are just forces of nature, like a hurricane, or B. making them *too* much like regular characters, negating the impression of how powerful they're supposed to be.
In every part of that first Demise vs Hylia fight, it felt like something that would be both awe-inspiring and terrifying to witness, and when you mentioned in that other post how Demise would use his true form to escape a mountain, it gave me mental images of a massive volcano, but simultaneously all the *rage* that would be involved. Like I don't know the context but. Oh boy is Demise probably not going to be happy about getting stuck in a mountain
I just!! It is very early rn and Idk if I'm making a lot of sense but you are *so good at this*
I'll be honest, at first i wondered if this ask was actually meant for me or perhaps got to the wrong person ( i got teary eyed reading this ... multiple times qoq)
ANd yes i agree that often gods tend to be either too distant or too much like a normal character, personally im not a fan of the latter xD
the deities in destiny are supposed to be like a middle ground, the three golden gods are very 'other' while the deities are supposed to be a mix of mortals and gods, not half-gods since they more god than mortal but still with a connection to the world (thats almost the entire reason the gods made them like that, bc the gods themselves cannot walk the worlds they created on their own; the deities are essentially their hand to control the world - which isnt working to well as we see gnvfjdknkdfn)
anyway, waht i mean is ... Thank you??!! i, sometimes get so lost in self doubt and how others do similar concepts just wayyy better and like .. idk how to express how this lil ask makes me feel (positively!!!), i always hope i can convey at least a fraction of what i feel writing my stories, which is hard with no movement and no sound, just art, to hear that i am actually somewhat succeeding at it is kinda .. idk, baffling?? i am no good with words myself ;O;
the scene you mentioned is from chapter 3, and i got so motivated by this ask that i had to .. attempt to draw a lil concept of that scene in it, even tho i know its really rough and i hope will get it done better once i get to that chapter .. but its something? ;u;
#ganondoodles answers#zelda#art#its super late and i still gotta do sth for work#but i#had to try and get this doodle out#althought it fails to convey the sheer scale of it i think#i tried#its ok for a 1am attempt drawn in an hour i think#i was told im good at a thing i worry about not being good enough!!!
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Hii!! I saw in one of ur fics you might be busy so if you can do this request please do it at anytime you can!
I was wondering if you could do headcanons of Jing Yuan and Gepard with a s/o reader who has fox physiology (like all attributes of a fox including a very fluffy tail/ears) and maybe their powers revolve around like spirits?
jing yuan + gepard with a foxian s/o!
hiii my inbox will stay open bc its empty rn. im open for more suggestions/some requests but m really busy im abtbto move out too apologies T_T
took inspo from chongyun from genshin hope thats okay !!
jing yuan
being friends with ting yun, you always visited your cheerful foxian duo. unlike her, you were more calm and collected due to the fact you work with good spirits and you exorcise bad ones. you both are very close and would often talk about anything. that includes anything about jing yuan.
your friend notices how your eyes glow in curiousity whenever the general was the topic of your conversation and how you become flustered every time you talk to him. she would often tease you about him every after interaction you and jing yuan have. you cannot hide anything from her. she purposely leaves you both alone on purpose and would talk to him about you in a good way.
jing yuan praises you for your work and wont hesitate to always compliment you. every day his gaze on you lingers longer than he realizes, that was until yanqing pointed it out. jing yuan just laughs but he doesnt say anything or deny anything. from your attractiveness to your foxian attributes to your smile and aura, you got him obsessed.
jing yuan starts asking about you a lot more to whoever is in his room. may it be ting yun or yanqing or yukong, he is always asking questions like ‘where is (name) or ‘how is (name)’ when literally he just saw you.
he likes your company a lot and could listen to you all day about your adventures when exorcising different spirits. he finds it fascinating that bad spirits wouldnt even want to be around you but you seem to attract the best spirits that can guide you.
it was the snoozing general that confessed to your calm foxian self and you were glad he likes you too. everyone was joyful especially the master diviner because jing yuan wouldnt shut up about you and he can finally finish some work.
nap times with him is so cute. he would literally hug you like a teddy bear and he would want to feel your ears under his chin while you wrap your tail around him. he understands that those parts maybe sensitive (however you wanna interpret it) and would always ask your permission first.
gepard
you came to belobog since it was your mission to be there with the astral express crew. fast forward to when things settled down, you have been eyeing on the cute silvermane guard aka captain gepard and would always or somehow manage to pull pranks on him so that he could pay attention to you and reprimand you.
gepard thinks youre a handful but whenever he interacts with you, he feels so fuzzy on his tummy and red becomes visible on his pale cheeks. he keeps wondering why you keep pulling small little pranks on him and only him. he asks serval for some advice and all she could do was laugh on how adorable you both are as she proceeds to give him some of her insights.
that was until the astral trio asked you questions on why even pull pranks on poor little captain. you kept dodging their questions but dan heng came to the conclusion that you like gepard a lot but you dont know how to tell him so you do small pranks that are enough for him to say something to you.
at the sudden conclusion of your friend, you fell silent and became flustered obviously annoyed that your secret was revealed. but its true and theres no denying it. march 7th keeps asking you question while trailbrazer was telling you what to do to confess. you sighed as you looked at dan heng’s apologetic face.
after a few days of your discussion with them, you decided it is best to avoid gepard at all costs. unironically, you bump into him almost all the time during your time in belobog. instead of interacting with him with your usually boastful sly front, he was met with a shy foxian gaze.
he asked you if you were alright since he hasnt seen you but after a long awful silence you were blunt enough to confess and say your feelings are too strong for him.
he was shocked but he agreed because he also admires you for your unique abilities and features and because he really really likes you. (literallh like a high school girl) he would ask you questions about your tail or ears or anything about spirits. he likes that he can look out for you physically and defend you while you protect him from bad and evil spirits.
he loves your slyness and your intuitive approaches in life. quite the opposite of him and it makes him love you a lot more. you both compliment each other and he respects you a lot and would often praise you for being you.
i feel like he is ticklish… tickle him with your tail and his laughter will erupt !!!! he’s ticklish in his armpits or hips. loves to lay on your tail if you allow it and would scratch your ears. you would get mad at him if he stops.
#honkai star rail#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#gepard x reader#gepard honkai#gepard hsr#hsr jing yuan#gepard#honkai star rail x reader#honkai x reader
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