DEVASTATED. bunch of my tags on that texty post got cut off . meaning it doesnt have ALL of what i said

In your pearlina, who confessed first and how did the other take it?

OOH BOY. What a question ! Well

(Yes i understood its an ask abt pearlina give it time.hheehee)

Tldr: marina did, pearl is sillay so it took her a huge confession to actually get it

Long answer: this below ! Thought that it would be necessary to explain what happens before hand so...

---

8 goes to pearl and marina for advice, since she has 0 idea on how to deal with her very not new (not sarcastic lol) feelings for 3 like a normal person. At first they both give out generic ass advices like well are you sure you like her or whatever that are completely useless in this context bc 8 is absolutely certain of her feelings toward 3. Anyway after some back and forth 8 decides to ask them about it one by one instead of both at once because theyre both saying the same shit rn almost. and a divergence seems to create itself between pearl and marina's opinion on the situation:

Pearl is encouraging her to jump into it and confess whenever she can, accentuating on the possibility she just might miss her chance if she lets her anxiety over this takes over, that to live a life without regret she shouldnt lie about her feelings toward 3, that if shes as such of a good friend as 8 claims itll all work out in the end, and honestly she thinks its pretty damn certain that 3 likes 8 so why all this bullshit just go girl! Go get your little meow meow!!!

Marina starts being kind of .?.discouraging i guess ? Saying that its none of her business and that its up to 8 either way and shell always be there to support her but from what she has seen of 3 there seems to be no hints of them feeling anything for 8 bc people dont just show that type of stuff this easily, and acting like its possible to be certain of how 3 feels about 8 is untrue and maybe a bit selfish even. and that once again 8 is free to do whatever she wants but she has to be realistic, if 3 does not like her back confessing will probably ruin the bond they currently have because it would become too awkward. Just think of it a bit more, observe the situation. Maybe you shouldnt think of your feelings toward them too much like just enjoy your lives together 8 !! ^_^

8 officially becomes "caught between two stools" as they say. the two extremely different tones, one of unbridled motivation and the other of... uh?. clash into her brain and it stresses her out a lot, she starts to avoid 3 bc she doesnt want to say smth dumb since she thinks whatever she could do would go against the advice of the other. (kind of ends up hurting the later's feeling but they do not mention it because it might just be something unrelated to them and theyre making it about themself for nothing. But its irrelevant rn actually LOL)

Anyway 8 goes back to discus the category 5 event (to her at least) w them again but this time she starts by asking marina. the same thing as before pretty much but 8 just starts to get cranky from the stress of it all. Marina is like uh oh. 8 gets kinda mad and tells marina its not fair for her to discourage her so much when she managed to get with pearl just fine so there is no sense to whatever shes saying since its not her experience, and was about to continue into saying that but maybe shes right and all of that . When marina cuts her off, "what do you mean, get with pearl?" And 8 is just like well i am talking about your obvious relationship with pearl of the romantic kind that isn't even worth mentioning due to how obvious it is what else??

Except that no. They're not, they're not actually together LOL .

and it just clicks into 8s brain that marina was just picking up her own anxious feelings due to her inability to confess her love to pearl (Because its obvious shes in love with pearl like she's not stupid). and throwing them at her like a bunch of dodge balls. Which isn't very nice and actually pisses 8 off so she just leaves like. Super jumps outta the mansion and breaks a window in the process.

Marina is just like :( sends 8 a few messages but they're def not getting read until the day after, or the day after the day after. Anyway ! Pearl heard them argue so she goes over to check on marina. Pearl asks her what was going on and marina tells her that 8 has asked her about the 3 situation again and pearl is like "omg me too ! So you totally told her to go confess right" eh.... not really.

So pearl is genuinely kind of surprised. rina... what the hell babe! Love ya but thats a p big social blunder u just made, not cool have you apologized to 8 yes oh ok well i guess youve got to wait now dont worry ill Try to talk to 8 too dw, you know she doesnt hate you dont worry that kind of stuff happens. But like why did you say that fr.

Marina tries to tell her shes just being realistic but pearl is like nah youre just being super negative for nothing sheesh. Thats not being realistic thats just being anxious, i get youre p much always worried for her and all but thats a bad approach to the situation.

Marina tries to stfu as much as she can by this point bc shes scared to say something that would reveal her feelings so shes just "yeah ok pearl sorry". but pearl can see shes being surprisingly silent all of a sudden so shes like. "Uh are you doing that thing were youre not saying anything because you think that whatever youll say will sound stupid"

-"No pearlie i am not"

"Yes you are !! Cmon spit it out babe, or else ill try to guess lol. Jk though you know i don't wanna be too privy i just want to make sure ur doing ok cus this is doesn't seem like u rn you're clearly going thru smth"

Marina is like .Ok pearl i just think that its normal to want to be careful when you feel something for someone you admire and love? What if you messed it up and ruined everything ? Dont the other person s feelings matter too? What if you just wanted to forget how you feel about her because she means so much to you.

Pearl stares at her and is just... ermh. wait, are you talking about yourself ? You're in love with someone and you want to forget about it because you're afraid of what you currently have with them?

Marina looks at her like the world is about to end. Annnnnnd "well, you know how i feel about that type of stuff, better to be honest and all. But i hate seeing you suffer and if you feel so conflicted and hurt about these feelings you have. Trust me! Ill make you forget all about them 'rina!!" HUH !!? "Yeah ! Why don't you try meeting new people huh? That might help you get your mind off of that mystery person, lemme make a few phone calls..."

And then the day after she finds herself at a speed dating event

"Oh god she wasnt joking" she thinks . and the dude in front of her is like " uh hello its your turn to introduce yourself. If you dont like guys you shouldve precised its annoying to switch tables-" "DIE im not even the one who booked this stupid thing" and leaves like immediately

"Pearl is so clueless. Damn it ! But also its good bc if she knew id die actually, "she thinks. On her way home, she contacts pearl to tell her her plan didn't quite work out. sorry pearlie!

Marina goes home and walks directly to the studio room bc she just wants to get this silly event out of her head annnnd. She cant find her lyrics book. Mhh. weird. she turns around and sees pearl. Holding a sheet of paper that suspiciously looks like.. UH OH

"Oh god marina... why didnt you tell me... you had... these... ABSOLUTE BANGER LYRICS WRITTEN DOWN!!! Lets make a tune w this bitch wtf" and she shows marina the like extremely insanely romantic song she had written as an attempt to confess to pearl before panicking last minute and hiding it somewhere and she looks like a ghost now.

Pearl isnt that dumb and she can see that marina looks mega uncomfortable and after a while it Clicks and she says "ohhh. Hey no worries i'm not stupid. It was for that special someone huh. Well damn marina. I know i said i wouldn't intrude but the way i see it... what you feel for them, its seems real. its not something you should hide. With how great you are you really shouldn't have any issues ! Hell if these lyrics were meant for me id probably fall in love with you if we weren't basically an item haha JUST KIDDING of course im sorry if this sounded like i was making fun of ur situation ok i will stop talking now before you lose all respect for me hahh"

Then marina looks at her. AND OH MY GOD ITS NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE HOW IS SHE MISSING IT But also its good i guess bc she doesn't love me back i'm sure but WHY WHY WHY. And just mutters "oh, ill think about it:)" and leaves the studio. Pearl asks her where shes going and she says she's going to bed. Pearl goes to sleep a little bit later but when she gets in their room she doesn't see her, and that plushie that marina sleeps with is missing, she realizes that marina is sleeping in the guest room. (Because they usually sleep in the same bed, as all besties do naturally.)

The next day marina isn't there and there are like 100 scenarios playing in pearl's head. She contacts marina and gets no responses. She asks 3, 4, capn cuttlefish, callie marie and 8 so basically like everyone she thought might know at first. The others say they have no idea but 8 says marina invited her to eat ice cream and apologize in person for the earlier events, marina told her she was just being a bit overbearing and silly. and that 8 should go tell 3 blablabla, though she left after, sure she seemed fine. I didn't pay much attention to her face, why would i... no i don't know where she went after that sorry but she said shed just walk around, is she missing ? I mean i saw her just this morning.

So nope, truly no one saw her today except for 8. She tries to think about where she could be, she checks around the city, the stores quickly asks around but nope no clues. Shes stressed out and feel stupid. There is one place left and So she goes to it because Maybe... shes there ? Its silly but maybe she does the same thing as her and goes to mt. Nantai when shes stressed out or smth

After a bit of a hike. She finds herself at the same spot in mt. Nantai where she and marina met.

And she sees said octogal seating here !! Phew thats a relief- oh no shes crying.

She immediately sits down next to her. "Whats going on marina??"

Shes trying to say that shes fine and all but the words come out as semi gibberish

She just sits there crying for a while while pearl has her hand on her shoulder.

After a while she stops crying but still stays silent, shes looking away from pearl. Pearl tries to get her to talk and after some more time she does. In octarian! A very sappy confession, her fears and the love she has for pearl, how much she means to her etc finally said out loud at last, even if pearl wouldn't understand. It actually goes for quite a while, marina had a lot to share. At the end of it, marina feels much better. Even if pearl doesn't get it, at least marina found a way to express her feelings somehow. she finally turns her head and looks at pearl, whose eyes are wide open... wait whats this reaction for, did she... understand what i said?

"Hooly shit. You really feel that way?"

Uhhhhh my life is over actually. Marina is about to speak to somehow try and go back on her 15 minutes long monologue but-

"Man... if whoever you loved was the one hearing this that'd be crazy. Are they an octoling ? Since you spoke in octarian and all. I gotta admit i'm a little jealous hah. I mean. I'm not sure i was meant to understand what you just said though. Sorry."

-"pearl. What."

"Oh i mean you were talking as if i was the mysterious someone right-"

-" OOOH MY GOD PEARL YOU ARE THE MYSTERIOUS SOMEONE I LOVE ! I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU !! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!" And she just starts crying again like an insane person

And after 800 fucking years pearl FINALLY. ACTUALLY GODDAMN GETS IT.

And she laughs !

Shocked, marina is about to ask her if shes making fun of her but then she hears a sniffle and when she actually looks at pearl s face proper she can see a tear running down one of her eye. Pearl tells her something like "you know, i have made jokes about it but they werent lies either, i know its wrong of me but well, my heart has been yours for a while, 'rina. Even if i never told you outright... its pretty obvious, but i was afraid of losing you, you are my world ! I shouldn't have hid it. Guess i'm a bit hypocritical huh? Sorry babe"

Marina looks at her like an insane person

"Okayy maybe i wasn't clear enough: i am in love with you too, marina. You believe me right?"

...

"Alright uhh lemme repeat that-"

And then marina jumps on her octo expansion ending style, starts crying again but of joy this time. pearl sneaks in a kiss and they just stay like that for a while, hugging eachother.

And then they go home because its starting to get very very cold lool

The end!

(Thank you for this ask, it was very fun to answer, once again if you have any other questions... ask away ! Its fun to answer lol)

i feel hungover today honestly. last week really was just sunday, monday, and a tuesday so long it shattered reality, huh

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

What would your Survivor and Killer OCs think of mine and Mags'? :3

@post-itpenny

alrighty~ lets get started with

Pandoras thoughts

Mary: Honestly seems like a great person and would love to get to know her more. I imagine if Pandora had traveled and crossed paths with Mary Pre-Entity. She would have been like hey can you DJ at this party I’m throwing. I imagine they could have become pretty good friends to be honest. Plus Pandora is a huge partier, so shed end up being a fan as well x3

Pandora loves to tease the killers in trial and with those perks that Marys got. I imagine if they ended up in trials together and got to each other before the killer did. Tag team big time.

Thomas: She can see that hes guarded and can understand that. Pandora is a pretty sensitive person and can read people well. Shed take her time with Thomas and show him not everyone is as bad as they seem.

She would be extremely patient with him. Have his back when shes able too in trials. That sadomasochist perk really comes in handy for taking hits for team mates x3

Will try to make him laugh in a trial, lets have fun with this. She knows people can see what shes doing. So shes like lets make this as pervy or as funny as possible.

Neo: Loves the aesthetic, oh la la~. x3 Dont know if shed see him without the mask but shed be like oh damn~. anyway...a challenging killer but thats what makes these trials so fun, and Pandora is a glutton for punishment...god that sounds bad...anyway

I imagine shed be annoying to him too. Finding out about his past though would warrant empathy from her. Its not fair shed say, its not fair at all...outside trials she would try to befriend him like shed try with certain other killers.

Irene: You think I’m annoying now....just you wait~. Pandora though loud and very in the spotlight herself....is patient and cunning and knows how to be stealthy. I think at first when learning about Irene she might feel for her but it wouldnt last too long. She can put two and two together...she knows what happened to those people Irene knew...

Selfish people do as selfish people do. And Irene may be an actor but shes an open book.

Pandora wouldnt have much patience for someone like her but annoying the hell out of her would be worth it every time. She might even snap at Irene during trial and bring something up...which might get her killed but she wont care. Irene wants control and is manipulative. And Pandora dont roll with toxic people like that.

oh you dont like how I dress or act, well tough shit. shed call her uptight x3

Now for Gisela~

her view on life in general has become skewed especially after the betrayal and pain she endured before becoming what she was. During most trials she is herself, I have a look for her that shows when its the Entity I have yet to draw it and post it though so....hopefully soon.

So~

Mary: oh my god, this one is going to be annoying she can already tell. Dont get her wrong in another life these two could have been close. But this is the Entities realm and the Witch is no longer who she used to be.

So shes going to get annoyed with that one perk Marys got x3 I can tell but outside a trial...perhaps but shes quite hard to get close to outside trials.

she tends to stay in her own realm and doesnt even bother going to I assume a killers camp .I like to assume the killers also have a camp like oh man a new day in the entities realm time to head to the camp to see what trials ill get and sometimes they all hang out there. But shes like nah....

But I think she would also be fascinated with Mary, and....impressed. She was never that confident or popular when she was that age. So maybe also some admiration in there. A small part of her from the past still remains it might seem.

Thomas: Gisela understands a lot about what Thomas feels. Betrayal, someone close to you betrayed you. Left you for dead.....how familiar. Her situation from before only slightly similar in the someone close aspect though for her it was a whole village.

In trials she might give Thomas a chance...might..because of the sort of kinship she would feel with him but only somewhat. She has a job to do after all

other than that who knows. Maybe outside of trials theyd sit quietly together but The Witch tends to mostly keep to herself watching everyone from the shadows or through the crows eyes.

Shes not too fond of most people due to her past.

Neo: When it comes to killers, The Witch learns about them before meeting them. So Neo she would feel for, might not really show it at first unless they happen to get real close eventually but....she would feel for him and his past.

And yes....he is quite handsome~. But right now its professionalism time.

anyway....I imagine they might not speak much at first. Since shes pretty secluded and loner like at least in the beginning of things.

Neo has no qualms with killing, and honestly neither does she at this point. He has his reasons she has hers.

Irene: Im just imagining the Witch looking down at Irene with just this....look like....excuse you. x3 I dont know why anyway...

considering how different these two are...Gisela will admit she was a bit selfish in her past but not to Irenes extent. She selfishly wanted to keep her sister with her in their home village but ended up unable too... that was her thing.

But Gisela also sees this want for attention and control.....utterly......infuriating. She has no patience for it. I imagine she could tell how Irene would feel about her. As I may have mentioned before or if I didnt, The Witch knows things and she can tell the type of impression she leaves on some.

but I imagine if these two did have any positive interaction it would be few and far between perhaps. Where as Irene enjoys being in the spotlight, the Witch actually doesnt. She tends to stick to the shadows.

Bastian's opinions

Mary: she's really cool and he'd definitely befriend her. Love of music and stuff uvu

I imagine they'd joke around and talk about their lives. Let's irritate the killer x3

Thomas: he'd feel for Thomas and he'd also be understanding but Bastian is extremely loyal when he makes a friend.

I imagine it'll take a bit and Bastian is more down it earth when it comes to being social and such. So who knows they might end up being real good friends in time.uwu

Neo: cool look but oh shit! I honestly think Bastian would have a bad time going against him. Hed be like flashlights dont work sooo....what do!

cool guy, sad past, hed feel better but wouldnt feel very safe around him even outside trials. He doesnt really trust a lot of the killers outside the trials in general.

Irene: ._. reminds him of his father so it's a no from him.

Would do everything in his power to piss her off just like he did him.

He will pallet stun her over and over and over. Learn that Yui perk just for her plus added with his pallet perk itll be a real hit.

Hope these are good uwu

Run For It! - Head Hunt

Today I was feeling particularly misanthropic, and as often happens at such times my thoughts turned to Run For It!, given that the whole thing is basically a longform expression of my extreme distaste for humanity.

And so I added to it. In particular, I added the following two pieces, which are under the cut because they might be a little on the longer side for some people (ahem) and also because some people might find them violent.

I have no frame of reference for either of these things, and you won’t read it anyway.

-

The Head-Hunt was one of the grislier and lesser-featured events of the Run, and so therefore a popular one that people wanted to see all the time because people have no concept of self-moderation or too much of a good thing.

It involved far, far fewer Entrants than many of the other events, which was the primary reason it was so rarely brought up. Those events that whittled down the roster of Entrants more efficiently were far preferred.Those in charge of such things preferred bodycounts in the hundreds. From a purely professional point of view.

But the Head-Hunt had fans in high places, too, and so it was that every so often it popped up, to the delight of all.

The rules were something like this:

Twenty Entrants were picked in a fashion that appeared random but was actually algorithmically tuned to cause maximum distress for those Entrants involved and maximum enjoyment for those at home.

These twenty Entrants were deployed into an appropriately disused area of the city (there was no shortage of these to choose from).

Each Entrant - in order to be allowed to leave alive - had to produce and deposit into a special basket the severed head of one of the other Entrants.

Tools were provided, though hidden and occasionally booby-trapped. For maximum enjoyment.

Time limit was two hours.

A simple enough concept, but it was as ever the intriguing interpersonal dynamics and dramatics it brought out of the Entrants that really got people’s attention.

Some of those involved might immediately lash out, but fail to achieve results on account of trying to decapitate someone with their bare hands.

Others might simply refuse to participate and curl up weeping in a corner.

Some might band together and rove in packs, figuring that co-operation of a sort would lead to a swifter resolution and mutual benefit, only to turn on one another later when the time limit started to bite.

All of these were, of course, a delight to watch.

On top of the basic and undiluted thrill of watching someone bawl their eyes out while sawing off their best-friend’s head with a boxcutter as a stern voice on a loudspeaker informed them how many seconds they had left to do it in.

You couldn’t put a price on that.

-

“Five minutes remaining, Entrants.”

Ezzy Bluff and Elrule Fluke had only been going out a week or so prior to becoming Entrants in the Run together, but had been friends longer than that. This mattered to some of those watching, but not all, and meant that when they were both picked out for the Head Hunt they stuck together.

Naturally, they were reluctant to kill one another, and figured that they could simply find two other Entrants and take their heads. They’d feel bad about it, but not as bad as they would if they turned on each other.

They had met with limited success. During the two-hour duration of the Head Hunt - nearly expired - they had barely seen another Entrant, let alone come near enough to try and decapitate one, and while Elrule had managed to find a very fearsome looking machete they had not yet had anything to use it on.

And time was, as mentioned, now running out.

“What’ll we do? What’ll we do?” Ezzy asked, eyes wide, hands wringing.

“We’ll find someone, don’t worry. There has to be someone else,” Elrule said, though he had no way of knowing this, obviously.

He was also wrong. There was no-one else. They were the last.

Everyone was watching them.

Digby Widget, a viewer, was watching them as they wasted precious time. He was not alone in this, but he serves as a fine example of what many at the time were thinking:

“Come on, you idiots. Do you really think anyone else is left? Hurry up and kill one another already, I need to take a piss,” he grunted to himself, scratching his balls and wiggling in his uncomfortably damp seat.

Ezzy and Elrule, obviously, could not hear Digby or indeed anyone else, and continued to act as though they had a chance to finish the event together.

“What’ll we do?” Ezzy asked again, not seeming to notice she was speaking at all, fingernails digging into her palm.

“Two minutes remaining, Entrants.”

It was then that it properly sunk in For Ezzy and Elrule, though it sunk in for Elrule before it did for Ezzy. He stopped suddenly and Ezzy bumped into him.

“El? What are you doing?” She asked. He was getting down onto his knees next to an abandoned and mould-blackened desk, resting his head on top of it as he flipped the machete around in his hand to thrust the grip towards Ezzy.

Then she got it.

“What- no, no El!”

“Do it Ezzy, you can do it. Do it and win the whole thing, I know you can,” he said, screwing his eyes shut and stretching out his neck.

“I can’t!”

“You have to! We’ll both die otherwise! You can do it.”

“I can’t!” She repeated, tears welling in her eyes.

“You have to. It’ll be okay. I know it’s not your fault. But you have to do it now.”

Ezzy, holding the machete in both hands as though it might turn around and bite her, knew that Elrule was right. If the time ran out they’d both be dead anyway. Still her stomach churned at the thought.

“I can’t,” she said again, quieter now though, resigned, throat tight.

“You have to,” Elrule said softly, reaching back for her.

She swallowed, resolve stiffened, thinking of her family.

“I’m sorry,” she said, raising the machete above her.

“I know.”

Her first swing had too much hesitation, and did not bite anywhere near deep enough.

Blood spurted, Elrule jerked, his legs kicked. Reflexively he tried to rise only - through sheer force of bastard will - to force himself back down again and to stay as still as possible, breath coming in clipped gasps.

Panicking, Ezzy swung again, harder this time, and the blade cut almost halfway through Elrule’s neck. His body went limp and his breaths became gurgles.

“I’m sorry!” She sobbed. “I’m so sorry! Oh God! Oh God!”

She then threw up down herself, not that it stopped her from continuing to hack away as though her life depended on it. Which it did.

Unfortunately for Ezzy Bluff, she was not as quick at cutting off Elrule’s head as she could have been, which meant that by the time she’d finally severed his spine and whatever other gristly bits might have got in the way, the time for the event had elapsed without her hearing the announcement.

As she sprinted -  wild with grief to the point of incoherence, weeping and bawling and with snot streaming down her front, mingling with the bile, head held in front of her - towards the basket to deposit the head she was shot in the face by a robot with a very large gun. The majority of her face did not survive this.

Miraculously, a combination of her forward momentum and sheer good fortune caused Elrule’s head to go flying from Ezzy’s grip as her body jerked back, sail through the air and land perfectly in the basket.

Meaningless as far as the rules went, but as a spectacle you simply couldn’t have asked for better. Many of those at home couldn’t help but applaud.

Watching all of this with an expression of absolute delight plastered across his face, Digby Widget failed to notice that he’d moved in close enough for his nose to touch the screen or that his tongue had snaked to delicate tease at it, as though hoping to coax some of the misery through the pixels themselves.

He also failed to notice that he had lost control of his bladder.

“Wow…” he breathed, leaning back in his now much damper chair and shaking his head. “I have to tell everyone on the internet my opinion about this.”

And so it was, and so he did.

Digby Widget’s opinions were poorly formed and were received warmly.

Later, he changed his underpants, though he neglected to shower.

look. im going off anon for this, which is something i never do tbh. i ship sk. i ship it like hell. but i like kl too, and when i saw that post, i laughed. it was a good joke, and tbh i was like "wtf why cant u see keiths hand maybe he IS holding lances hand". people go on and on about klantis, but there are sheith shippers who take it way too fucking far sometimes. you don't deserve hate or problems for that. you seem like a genuinely nice person who doesn't deserve crap for what you ship. (1)

¡you deserve as much happiness with your ship as we get with ours. as much as id like things to be canon, i realize that it might not be, and no matter what, no one deserves to be hated on or pestered because of what they ship. klance is a damn beautiful ship, and some sk shippers need to realize that by harrassing people over ships, they have sunk to @ntis levels. so you keep on shipping your great ship and dont listen to what anybody has to say about it. youre doing amazing sweetie. (2)

ALSO another thing that some sk shippers need to realize is that kl shipper =/= anti!! sure, it's definitely a thing (oh boy is it a thing) but just because someone ships kl doesnt mean theyre an anti! sometimes the sk side of the fandom can be pretty damn hypocritical too, and it pisses me off. sk is a good ship. kl is a good ship. one ship is not inherently better than another, even in regards to whether or not itll be "canon". just let people enjoy what they want! sorry for venting a bit. (3)

OH FRESHLY BREWED JUNIBERRY??

(for context, here’s the s8 poster shitpost in question, here’s me popping off, and here’s me popping off part 2 electric boogaloo i was MAD last night akdsjfjksakfj)

i’m gonna start of by saying that i don’t think this is actually an s/k vs k/l situation? because this behavior is NOT a thing reserved to s/k shippers, it’s just that as that ship has exploded in the past year so has the number of people who are s/k shippers doing this so it just feels like it, but i see it across the board. it’s not s/k thing and i don’t want it to be labeled as such. it’s just that because s/k has become so big you can find more examples of it than if you went searching in s/l, a/l, p/l, etc. could some of that behavior be s/k vs k/l? i’m sure you’d be hard pressed not to find at least one person like that out there, but i actually believe this stems from more of a non-k/l shipping fandom issue than anything else.

i feel like i should address what counts as ant¡ behavior, especially as an ex-ant¡ myself. but that’s probably a post i’ll make separately from this one though as i want to be able to word it correctly and make it so that people don’t feel like i’m coming for them or their ship. the fact is that some people genuinely don’t recognize their behavior for what it is because it’s almost been reinforced that they’re doing the right thing by so many for so long they’ve let themselves go unchecked and because of that it’s just spiraled out of control.

but yeah, just because someone ships k/l doesn’t mean they’re an anti! i think that sometimes people just jump the gun, and honestly i’m not going to make excuses for them anymore. the thing is it’s not even that every sha/adin shipper has been personally harassed for their ship, because statistically that’s just not possible. i really don’t think people are writing anons, @ ing in posts, etc to every single sha/adin out there. and before you come for me saying i could never know what it’s like, i have had my inbox flooded by both sides, i have been vagued about by both sides, i have had call out posts, sha/adin twitter memed me (briefly, but tbh im not mad about that IT WAS FUNNY), i was on vld.flops, and at one point i’ve had law enforcement involvement (to be fair, that was for ant¡s coming after me, not sha/adins) like i’ve been through that. that’s personal harassment. and yeah, seeing ant¡s post mean stuff in the tags, seeing them go after your favorite blogs or your friends, and in general just... their overall disrespect towards people in general is pretty bad, but none of that warrants you walking around with a chip on your shoulder or being able to just ‘go off’ at any and all times. even if you have been personally harassed once or even multiple times, you don’t get to do it back. that’s not how you enact change.

anyways, if you don’t like k/l and k/l shippers that much, and seeing them reminds you of bad things, i don’t blame you at all, but that really doesn’t excuse shitty behavior. as we say in the pro ship side of things, blacklist is your religion, and if you need a more heavy duty option (that removes the post entirely from your dash, as in the whole ‘this post is blocked because xyz’ won’t even show up the whole thing is just gone), xkit is free! if seeing it bothers you that much, don’t go scrolling through the tags, don’t go scrolling through blogs, don’t go after people bnf vague, and if you do see something, just scroll past it. in all honesty by commenting you’re just worsening the already oozing, festering, cluster fuck that is this fandom even if that post in question is by a hateful person, and that’s the at best scenario. at worst, you look like a dumbass who takes everything way too seriously by picking on a person who just made a shitpost for fun.

thank you so much for the encouragement, it really means a lot especially knowing that you’re part of the s/k fandom. having that support and knowing that not everyone is just going to think i’m a raving, rabid k/ancer uwu for getting upset over constantly being unfairly jeered at does help a great deal! im just... tired of feeling dread when my ask box lights up, or my stomach getting sick when i scroll through my activity feed. i know im usually a low sodium blog (and we will be returning to low sodium hours shortly) but i think this is something that needs to be talked about. people shouldn’t be able to get away with this behavior.

alright heres some of my homestuck/warcraft headcanon shit

basically just like

what race they’d be/play, what class, what spec, how theyd play, how often they play, etc, etc...

idk how many characters im doing so more below the read more bullshit

mostly a ramble tbh lmao

(beta + alpha kids, beta trolls, calliope + caliborn. sorta a everyone lives/nobody dies au)

if u need to know what smth means just hmu

OKAY so lets start off with the kids

ok personally i think john would play either a monk or a paladin?? like i think he’d prefer the playstyle of a paladin but his monk would be for heals in case a raid group or smth needs it. he’d honestly probably do LFR and just casually play in general, but sometimes he’d play for like 11 days straight then not get back on for 2 months. but when he’s playing casually he just does LFR and world questing, maybe sometimes doing dungeon groups with dave or something. he’d probably be a DPS paladin because tanking is bullshit and so is healing. (believe me i know) he’d also use the heckin goofiest mounts there are. like you know the chicken? he’d spend the money to get it. like actual cash. he wants the chicken. let him have the chicken. but back on the topic of race he’d probably play a dwarf or a gnome. he’d probably have a level 2 gnome hunter. he also runs a prank guild that all the kids are in! a few trolls are in it, too. vriska, kanaya, terezi, and karkat are in it. 

rose??? would probably play a shadow priest. probably nothing else, really. she may go heals every once in a while but dont expect her to want to. she plays a human. she only plays human and worgen. belf if she has to go horde. i dont really know if she’d just play casually because dave roped her in, or if she got really into it so now she has 12 max level characters. even if she doesnt like the game itself, she’d probably really like the lore!!! she’d probably also love the idea of xmog and what you can make your characters look like, bc some of the xmog is really badass. she’d probably use the emo purple bird thing as a mount (i forgot the name) or maybe she’d use the wotlk undead dragons. maybe the bc netherwing dragons?? im not sure!!! for pets she’d def have the feline familiar with her at all times (roxy would too) because who doesnt want a little witch kitty flying on a broom with you???

dave would honestly play a survival hunter. except he’d just punch shit to death. just autoattack. though when he’s ACTUALLY playing like a normal person he’d probably play a dps warrior. i could also see him tanking sometimes if he needs to. he probably only has one or two max level characters, but they have decent gear. he probably sometimes actually plays his hunter in a decent way but he probably just goes to low level neutral areas. he probably plays on a pvp server for that exact reason. he has one level 10 belf. he uses it to dance on mailboxes and get gold. he really just trolls people on it. he also roleplays, but makes sure to do it in the shittiest way possible. he only uses walk. no running. he uses the biggest mounts he has and walks on roleplayers when hes playing on an rp server. he probably raids on his warrior and is probably in a raiding guild. he purposefully mic spams the raid so he just gets muted, though. for mounts he’d obviously use the love rocket that he worked oh so hard for. for pets i dont really know what hed use?? probably brightpaw or whatever the purple cat thing is. he makes rose disappointed because he pays for mounts and pets with real money. tsk tsk. he has no professions except fishing, which he has maxed out. he may also have a DK that he has just to piss people off. hes the second highest tier in the prank guild. whenever they do raids (they occasionally do) he rp walks across the map to get to the raid. kanaya screams at him to accept the summon but he insists that he’s almost there. 

jade would def have herbalism as her main profession!! she may also have mining to sell on the auction house. she would DEFINITELY play a bm hunter!! its a worgen all the way. she prefers to have it in worgen form too. since she doesnt really like horde and cant use many wolf mounts, shed def go with the mechanostriders! for flying i think she’d use the serpents!! i could also see her using the pandaren turtle moutns. her fave xpac is def either mop or wod. she actually liked garrisons. she’s really slow w leveling so she isn’t max level for legion, but her friends still play with her!! (me too buddy) she likes doing mount/pet/reagent farming and regularly gives her friends herbs and other mats to level their professions! she also sometimes roleplays with dave in goldshire to mess with people. she loves using emotes like /lol and /joke! she also uses toys VERY often. her hunter pet is a white wolf named bec, and she has a team of battle pets consisting of fel pup, frostwolf ghostpup, and cinder pup! sometimes she’ll use lil bad wolf, though. she’s actually super good at pet battling, but she only battles friends. she doesnt play to be the “best”, she just plays because its a fun game! she also loves playing hearthstone.

jane doesnt play much, and has a level 60 dwarf resto shaman. the only reason she has looms is because roxy gave her the gold to get them. she only has level 20 riding, and only has a single horse. she still plays with friends, but the game just really isnt her cup of tea. she has a few cool pets she found while playing in low level areas, and she likes playing the auction house when she does play! she’s in a prank guild that john owns (all the kids are in it, they prank the trolls and roleplayers) and that’s honestly the thing she enjoys the most. 

roxy loves doing pvp with dirk. some of her friends call them the sneakies. she plays a rogue, and switches around her spec depending on what kind of pvp she’s doing. (as in she switches specs for open world, battlegrounds or arenas) she’s decked out in full pvp gear and always gets the newest tiers when theyre released. though she loves pvp she really does love raiding but she prefers playing with her friends! she helps everyone exploit game bugs for the prank guild, and will help cover peoples tracks when gold buying and such. she has all of her fun mounts set as favorites and just randomizes which one she rides. she uses the feline familiar pet EVERYWHERE. she wont use any other pet. at all. roxy also datamines ptr and spoils new lore for rose occasionally.

hoo boy. dirk is a top tier pvper. he mostly mains a ww monk and a rogue for pvp. he has 12 max level characters and 12 horde ones that are also max. he chooses class/race combos based on which one is the most reasonable for lore. he has an orc hunter named getshrekt. hes gold capped on all of his alliance characters. hes basically sleeve (if you play on bonechewer i hope you know who im talking about) he multiboxes 25 accounts to shit on leveling players. roxy helped him set this all up. all of his bots and multiboxes are hal. hal plays with him. he buys gold from a third party source and overthrows the wow economy. he causes the great depression in wow. he buys out every mat and then puts them back on the auction house for a few silver. since hes gold capped this has 0 affect. his character for the prank guild is maxed out and in pretty decent pvp gear. its also gold capped. he buys level boosts and uses actual money to buy tokens to increase his gold numbers. hes everyones worst nightmare. hes the reason no one plays horde on dirks server. dirk plays with roxy a LOT. they do arenas and basically just crush anyone who dares standing up to him. he exploits game bugs and has items people didnt know exist. he uses his special snowflake mounts that people thought were unattainable. he has bots farming spawn points for herbs and mining nodes. he plans on ruling the economy of his server. he ganks people that are his own level. he camps their corpses until they force quit the game. hes absolutely hated. he’ll be flying, and itll look like someone with a glitched name. then he’ll land in front of someone, and 20 multiboxes will spread out behind him. he ganks his victim. there is no escape. no mercy. 

jake plays a worgen mm hunter! he refuses to use bows and crossbows. it ALWAYS has to be xmogged to a gun. he mostly does world quests and only has horse mounts to keep it simple and traditional. he likes to collect pets and plays with jade a lot! he’s also in the prank guild and absolutely LOVES it. he loves the open world aspect of the game. he also collects random items in-game, like the scarabs from ahnqiraj (i personally collect those oops) he’s also a bit of an altoholic, and loves leveling, but never really finishes anything. he has all of the exploration achievements. ALL OF THEM. he love love LOVES exploring the maps in the game. he also actually LIKED the cata revamp because it gave him more to explore. he has a goblin thats also a hunter thats level capped just so he could explore horde areas without worrying about being ganked or attacked. he knows his way in all of the major cities. you know huntards? well jake is the complete opposite of that. hes an amazing hunter. it surprises his friends. 

bonus: hal helps dirk with being an asshole to everyone on the servers he plays on. he multiboxes with dirk and set up bots to watch the auction house for him. hes just as much as an asshole as dirk is.

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE TROLLS!!!! 

aradia plays a belf destruction warlock. she’s a casual player and plays with sollux a lot. she doesnt play very often, but when she does she gets really into the game, especially when playing with friends! she doesnt have many mounts, but she has the headless horseman mount and thats what she uses most of the time. she has maxed out archaeology and has all the items for it. though she has the pets from it, the only pets she uses are frogs.

tavros plays a gnome bm hunter unironically. hes not a very good hunter but not huntard level. he mostly plays with the other lowbloods, sometimes vriska. he only really got roped into wow because of its ties to hearthstone. he wanted to know more about the characters, but stayed because of the animals. it really isnt too much of his cup of tea, but still plays because his friends do. he doesnt have professions nor a maxed out character. he has the mechanostrider mounts and the default pets. he also has the heartstone mount.

sollux heckin loves wow. he plays a troll mage. he switches between fire and frost, but never arcane. he hates arcane. he mostly plays with aradia, but he likes the occasional raid. he has good dps with decent gear. hes mostly a casual, but he loves messing with the games files and datamining. 

karkat is a....special player. he has a blood dk that hes maxed out but hes in all green quest gear. he keeps trying to defeat dave in a dual but it doesnt work. dave got rose and john to help convince karkat that gnome is masterrace. he believed them. now hes a shitty little gnome aggroing everything and getting caught in the fire. he’s very upset because he cant beat dave. help this poor boy. his only pets are crabs. he has all of them. every single one. they’re all the poorest quality, but he loves them anyways. the only mounts he’ll use is mammoths to be an asshole to everyone. he plays a lot because he wants to crush dave’s pride. help this boy.

nepeta plays either a bm hunter or a feral druid! she roped equius in, and they tried to level together, but equius went too fast, so nepeta doesnt have a maxed out character. she enjoys playing with him nonetheless, even if its just running around stormwind! she plays on a roleplay server (NOT moodguard) and loves roleplaying and meeting new people. she rides the tiger/saber mounts and has all of the cat pets! she almost refuses to go out of cat form when on her druid. both of her toons are nelfs.

kanaya mains a human affli warlock and a nelf demon hunter. she likes the aesthetic of both locks and dhs, but prefers the play style of a warlock. she plays with rose most of the time, and they do world quests when they play. she has tailoring and enchanting as her professions, and both are maxed out. she prefers this because she can just make her own gear to sell and get gold. she has the jade panther that rose made her, and uses that mount most of the time. she doesnt really like collecting pets, but rose gave her a moth that she adores. 

terezi plays a resto druid on nepetas server, and mostly roleplays with vriska. she roleplays as a dragon most of the time. she has all of the dragon pets and mounts, and shes VERY proud of her collection and wont hesitate to rub it in vriskas face. she almost got banned multiple times trying to complete her collection. she prefers doing old world raids and farming to get xmog to improve her roleplay outfit, and so she can have different sets for different characters. she sometimes roleplays with nepeta, but most of the time she roleplays with vriska.

vriska plays a nelf demon hunter, and roleplays with terezi on her server. sadly theres no spider mounts but she has the recruit a friend rocket because she did raf with tavros. she does pvp when shes not roleplaying, and she’s trying to get on the highest level. she has all of the spider pets. every single one of them. she tries to overthrow the auction house, but cant. (shes not on dirks server, so hes not messing her up. its just that she doesnt have much gold because of xmog.) she likes to ruin some peoples rolaplays, but loves roleplaying with terezi and sometimes nepeta. 

equius only got into the game because of nepeta. he didnt think hed like it at first, but he really does. he prefers to tank. he has a maxed out dk, warrior, monk, and paladin. he and nepeta tried to level characters together, but he went too fast for her. he has all of the horse mounts and will only ride those. hes not very interested in pets except the engineering ones, and engineering is maxed out on his main toon. he enjoys raiding in his free time, but will also pvp for mounts. hes mostly casual.

oh man, gamzee should be interesting. he plays a troll shaman. no one really knows what he does, really. they just see that hes online and in a major city. is he playing the auction house? is he talking to people? no one knows. when the darkmoon faire comes around, he plays for all 7 days straight. he doesnt really ride mounts or have pets, but he collects them. no one knows why he plays or HOW hes maxed out in raiding gear. he just is.

eridan is a whiny bitch when it comes to wow. he wants to get on dirks level but doesnt know how to. even though hes sometimes a bitch about it, he does enjoy roleplaying and playing with karkat. he plays an arcane mage or a mm hunter. the only mount he rides is the sea turtle mount. you know the one? the one that makes you slow on land but fast in water? yea. he rides that. he HAS other mounts, but he wants the turtle.

feferi does NOT like wow. i mean, yea, she’ll heal for raids, but she doesnt like killing things. she plays a resto shaman and doesnt use a specific mount because she doesnt play that often.

calliope also doesnt like wow, but will play with roxy. she likes doing pet battles, and thats really all she does. she has a level 10 druid that doesnt have a spec. she has no mounts but has cool pets that roxy gave her. she camps in stormwind and refuses to go ANYWHERE else. 

caliborn LOVES world of warcraft. he roleplays with dirk on moonguard, but dirk says nothing. just to piss off caliborn. he tried to multibox to kill dirk, but he ended up freezing his game. he constantly pesters the alpha kids, and really doesnt talk to anyone else except to make fun of new players. he has 1 mount and its the goblin mount. he mains a goblin rogue thats level 40. 

Ali & Carly

Ali: Ich glaub ich spinne Carly: wtf Carly: do you want a drink babe? Ali: ze german, baby Ali: i'll say no but get why you're saying yes so early Carly: k more for me Carly: nobodys in a sharing mood today Ali: yeah? Carly: yea Carly: no fun Ali: Leben ist kein Ponyhof Carly: give drew a slap for me k Ali: it would be my pleasure Ali: can i ask how he's pissed on your parade from over here tho Carly: the boy played me Carly: he wanted me to beg for what id just given him the prick Carly: shouldnt have drunk this much this soon my bad Ali: he's a fuckboy Ali: you knew that Ali: my sister on the other hand remains frustratingly oblivious Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: ive been trying to get him to dump her this whole coach ride Ali: I'm not mad at you, babe Ali: no room with how much ugh I have for him Ali: well, hopefully she will him Carly: he thinks shes gonna fuck him in berlin Ali: prick Ali: won't when she finds out Carly: you cant say anything cuz i wasnt meant to Ali: Let himself fuck it up then Ali: he's not being subtle Carly: he cant do subtle Carly: me and him have that in common like Ali: Carly Ali: do you like him? Carly: why Ali: because I think you do Carly: it doesn't matter what you think Carly: he thinks she's girlfriend material & im a slag Carly: hes not wrong either Ali: If you like him, then you should say Ali: regardless, shouldn't let him be a cunt to you, and Ro in the process Ali: who the fuck is he Carly: ha Carly: i dont like anyone baby Carly: I'm just bored Carly: berlins a whole new party Ali: well, good Ali: one less worry Ali: I wish you the perfect holiday fling Carly: aw Carly: youre still the sweetest Carly: sure you dont want a drink while theres some left? Ali: need it now so fuck it Ali: chuck it over Carly: come over Carly: you kno youre the sporty one Carly: i cant be throwing things round the coach Ali: alright, you calling baby spice, I assume? Carly: or scary Carly: depends whos asking Carly: cant be posh tho Ali: yeah you can Ali: she weren't even and you can rock that pout just as well Carly: aw Carly: you should be baby tho youre the cutest Ali: little school all over again, we can't all be baby, lads! 😂 Ali: i'll be ginger, if you wore that iconic dress on your site, you'd get lynched Carly: yea Carly: & if anyone would cause drama by going solo its you Carly: Marlene been knew Ali: Ouch 💔 Ali: but fair Ali: Already thinking about her due to namesake birthplace but you really went there Ali: please tell me I haven't tanked as hard, not got Drew's fragile ego like but 😥 Carly: you kno im just mad youre not thinking about me Carly: dont listen to a word i say Carly: goldies got a fragile heart now too, so sad you broke up w me & stole his bf on top Carly: someone think of the golden god Ali: baby Ali: yeah, that's TOTALLY what the weird vibe is all about Ali: moody twat, soz a threesome is outta the question now Carly: he likes you too Carly: thats a thing Carly: playing like im the one hung up but he is Ali: Nah Ali: that boy don't know what he wants Ali: not down for him using my bestie and sister to find out though, fuck off and soul search like the rest Carly: he wants you Carly: but you got your boy & he shouldnt be trying to mess w Carly: meant to be his boy too Ali: so he reckons but give him 5 minutes before he weren't arsed Ali: don't trust him as far as I can throw him so ain't taking his word on that either like Ali: exactly Ali: 🐍 Carly: id leave him alone if he was happy being w her but i kno he isnt Carly: not letting him lie to me Ali: it doesn't have to be your problem Ali: or your job to make him happy Ali: knew it though Carly: ha Carly: it isn't my problem Carly: & i cant keep a job you kno Carly: couldnt do that one if i was paid like Ali: no one can babe Ali: not to be that hippie cliche about it Ali: but forreal, gotta do that shit himself Carly: its Carly: how he makes me feel sometimes Carly: not happy im not living that lie but Carly: its not nothing & sometimes its good you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i know Ali: but you can have more, if you want Ali: that is possible Ali: you don't have to settle for sometimes good Carly: youre sweet but youre a dreamer babe Carly: ive got nothing going on not in my head & not around me Carly: theres no more than settling down on the site or settling for being off whenever i can Ali: s'not true Carly: yea it is Carly: you dont want it to be but that dont mean its not Carly: me and that boy have more in common than not being subtle like Ali: it ain't Ali: doesn't have to be Ali: nothing is set in stone unless you pour the fucking cement yourself, like Carly: it doesnt have to be doing it but it can still get poured Carly: forget it tho Carly: im drinking on empty & feeling sorry for myself Carly: no fun in that Ali: ain't that fast drying Ali: dust yourself off and run Carly: where to babe Carly: nowhere to go but the coach bathroom Carly: been there done that Ali: well hang on a bit and we'll be in a whole new country, babe Ali: promise is a promise and we can start in Berlin Carly: but 3s a crowd when its not a party Carly: im not trying to mess you & your boy up Carly: cant tell drew off if i do Ali: nah Ali: it ain't like that Ali: not got the blinkers on and knowing each other's passwords and schedules Ali: got trust Carly: yea? Carly: got food too or Carly: cuz im gonna vom if you say no Ali: Yes Ali: Lemme food parcel Carly: if you havent lost the knack Carly: been awhile Ali: 😔 Ali: i'm soz Carly: dont be Carly: you kno i love you Carly: no drama Ali: i love you too Ali: and you would tell me if you needed something wouldn't you Ali: 'cos that ain't changed, i'm still here Ali: unlucky bitch Carly: unlucky for you Carly: shouldnt be on site unless theres something in it for you babe Carly: all i need is to remember breakfast before i get on a sess Carly: & to dilute my spirits sometimes too Ali: there is, you nutter Ali: there you go, who said school trips weren't educational? only on the bus and you're whacking out the wisdom already Carly: not as thick as i look Carly: ms woodfield was thinking it too i reckon Carly: she might kno but im still gonna blame the shit driver if i vom Carly: try and stop me bitch Ali: you look nothing but amazing hush Ali: she's down with the kids, she'll hold your hair back Carly: you hush Carly: trying to make me emotional in front of the front of the coach Ali: it's alright, join Millie Rooney and say you're homesick 😉 Carly: idk whats sadder everyone thinking im crying over an empty caravan or that prick thinking its about him Ali: 😬 i know what i reckon Ali: better dry those tears, babygirl Carly: get his phone for me tho yea Carly: i am mad he gets me & i get nothing back Carly: use the magic Ali: use my mad hacking skillz gotcha Ali: but should I use them for good and accidentally forward some incriminating shit to Ro? 🤔 Ali: this is why we're not meant to play God Carly: do what you must Carly: i trust you Ali: don't worry, sure you're not the only girl he's been chatting too Ali: no offense meant obvs but you know Ali: don't have to drop you in it, as if its your fault but idk, Ro isn't always willing to be entirely rational when it comes to him Carly: idc she never liked me much anyways Carly: better that than dropping some naive random in it Carly: everyones seen me naked if it blows up Carly: old news Carly: & the vid was good too i look hot Ali: hmm, good point on the random Ali: and I don't doubt that you did Ali: I'll have to think on this a bit harder Carly: k Carly: if everyone gets in my inbox ill kno Ali: god Ali: people are gross Carly: can be fun sometimes Carly: cant all be angels like you babe Ali: 🖕 Ali: you know i ain't Carly: i kno you are Carly: too sweet Ali: pot kettle baby Ali: but your secret's safe with me 😘 Carly: ha Carly: its no secret im only sweet to you so youre the only one who needs to kno Ali: 'cos people suck Ali: that's no secret Ali: not gonna waste your time, are you, like Carly: not as good at picking out the deserving ones as you Carly: no secret i fuck up more than i dont Carly: how many bad decisions can i make before berlin tho Ali: nah, you're just too nice for your own good Ali: you know he don't deserve it but people have made the same (wrong) judgment on you so you can't do it back Ali: to anyone Ali: even genuinely shitty people, or people who'd be better off for the nudge of nah Carly: now whos dropping the wisdom Carly: ill just screenshot those few sentences for my ma when she's on at me Carly: im a nice person bitch Ali: 💅☕ though Ali: i'll translate it into spanish for her if she's not getting the memo in plain english Carly: ha Carly: she got well excited cuz she thought berlin had a red light district Carly: thought she was gonna get in my bags Carly: one way to stop me fucking drew in the front row but Ali: pretending i didn't hear that last bit ew Ali: moving on Ali: she wanna get in the windows or like? Carly: she did get the sack so probs Carly: or she thinks itll be like magic mike the german dub idk Ali: oh honey Ali: every nights a hen night Ali: 🙄 Carly: imagine if theyd let mas and das on this trip Carly: i couldnt have come Ali: me either Ali: no one needs that Carly: your ma is so scary Carly: but shed put goldie in his place Carly: probs shouldve brought her Carly: keep me behaving Ali: she literally wants to murder him Ali: need a restraining order and more than mr murray and mr latimer to keep her back Carly: ha Carly: love it Carly: cant she break up the happy couple Carly: my da did me & this beautiful traveller lad that took my v Ali: 💔 Ali: is he married now Ali: if we're doing matchmaking Ali: but in answer, she learnt that forbidding something makes it 1000x more likely to happen and in more secretive, intense ways so Ali: I'm soz Ro, really fucked you over on that one Carly: idk my da literally moved them on Carly: threat of getting the law Carly: k but he still wouldnt be into it Carly: i feel bad for her Ali: ugh Ali: so romeo and juliet, baby you must've been so about it 'til he fucked it up that hard Ali: yeah, i know Ali: i'll figure out something Carly: i was only 12 so i did have the mindset Carly: worth it tho Carly: prettiest boy ive ever seen Ali: swizzle on that, goldilocks Carly: everyone wanted to fuck him Carly: the whole site was feeling the love Carly: fun times Ali: like a beatle was living in your back garden Ali: love that Carly: i peaked Carly: all there is now is a golden god who behaves like a idiot boy Ali: i mean, won't take offense 😒 sat right here and all but no 😉 Ali: there's a whole world of dick out there i promise you Ali: some attached to boys who don't behave like one Carly: ha Carly: you know you're my fave Carly: but youre sat next to him so I cant tell it Ali: 💚 Ali: won't even tell you who i lost my v to Ali: too shaming Carly: now you have to Ali: 😬😫 Ali: okay but then i'm going for a piss so i don't have to feel the pity Carly: baby id never feel sorry for you Carly: w my life come on Ali: you might sympathize though 'cos it was ronan Ali: why he got all weird, probs Ali: eurgh repressed memories flooding back in with the shame 😂 Carly: shit Carly: i told drew all first times are bad but wouldnt wish him on you like that Carly: oh ronan Carly: he better not have treated you like he did me Carly: ill fucking kill him like Ali: aw babe Ali: my hero 💪 Ali: you know what he's like but that shit is long in the past with us so meh Carly: im gonna cry Carly: babe thats sad Carly: & now ms woodfield is staring at me k Ali: don't cry silly Ali: is what it is Carly: im crying and planning murder Ali: you went there too, and other various dickheads, so where's my invite to this party? Carly: but youre perfect Carly: and it was your first time Carly: actual tears in the front row Ali: oh babe Ali: i'm coming over Ali: bog roll in hand Carly: youre too good Carly: im so sad Ali: 😇 that's you Carly: all you tho Ali: nu-uh Ali: you you you Carly: i cant argue cuz im blinded by my tears Ali: not the greatest victory I've ever then Ali: but I'll take it if you smile again Carly: waiting for ms woodfield to tell me i need jesus Carly: ill laugh then Ali: okay, i'll try and lead the convo and her like Ali: we got this, woody Carly: nah if you try and lead her anywhere itll only go one way Carly: teachers pet Ali: 😂 Ali: do you reckon she loves that everyone lowkey drools over her 'cos she's the right side of 40 Ali: or is she desperately job hunting like these fucking kids Carly: i can see in her eyes she loves it Carly: she hates me cuz i dont Carly: facts Ali: not 'cos you never do your work, nah 😏 Carly: & im drunk as fuck rn on her watch Ali: i mean Ali: if YOU were doing your job properly darling Ali: mad you beat her to it, they always get plastered on trips Carly: yea Carly: bet shed take nudes in the bathroom if she had someone to send them to Ali: ooh what teacher could she homewreck Ali: school trip always a perfect place to start an affair Carly: Mr O'Brien could get it if you were old Ali: good shout Ali: getting out my bow as we speak Carly: Mr Cork is alright too but he looks like he'd shower after holding hands Carly: weird Ali: I mean Ali: cleanliness is next to godliness Ali: dirty hoe Carly: ha Carly: you kno it Ali: might be a serial killer Ali: but you wouldn't catch nowt off him Carly: dont have to go home if he murders me Carly: scatter me in berlin lad Ali: 😨😭 noooooo Ali: even if i could go neeson and avenge you Carly: dont go neeson off set tho Carly: your boy wouldnt love the racism Ali: don't wanna be that bitch Ali: problematique Carly: enough bitches on this coach Carly: for once not looking at you ms woodfield Carly: we ever getting there? i thought getting wasted would make me less bored not more Ali: and lowkey racists Ali: all comes out the woodworks when you outed, that gay bashing all afresh like Ali: seriously, why couldn't we go on a plane Carly: & overt racists Carly: that cash tho Carly: how would the teachers afford to get wrecked if they blew the budget Carly: gotta blow each other first Ali: ☕ Ali: dickheads Carly: when goldilocks isnt the biggest twat on the coach tho Carly: idk what to do w that Carly: universe trying to make me like him Ali: give him time Ali: sure he'll reclaim his title 💪 Carly: he'd love a crown Carly: or a medal Carly: get crafting Ali: only if I can get biblical Ali: crown of thorns, you mean barbed wire, okay Carly: ha Carly: im tired come & nap w me Ali: okay boo Ali: as far as pillows go 😏 Carly: serious Carly: i dont wanna sleep on my own Carly: hate it Ali: i remember Ali: coming Ali: promise

January 7th-January 13th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from January 7th, 2019 to January 13th, 2019.  The chat focused on MoonSlayer by Monica NGalvan.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START! Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on MoonSlayer by Monica NGalvan~! (http://moonslayercomic.com/) You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until January 13th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. What is Nirúr’s role in Syrma’s curse? Why is her Syrma’s death so important to Deneb and Nirúr’s goals? Is Nirúr as evil as everyone makes him out to be?

QUESTION 4. What do you think happened in the past that convinced Menkar to join to the side of the liosalfar (besides his past betrayal of his former king)? How might revealing this affect Syrma’s quest?

monicang

Hi everyone! I'm Monica, the author of MoonSlayer. This is just for telling you that you can ask me anything you want to know about my comic! Thanks and I hope you enjoy it!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Why is the Storyteller helping Syrma? What exactly are the Storyteller’s ultimate goals regarding Arunor? Do you believe Puck will remain loyal to the Storyteller, or will he now work for Deneb?

QUESTION 6. What do you believe Henna did in the past that caused her to be exiled from the court of the sidhe? What does this have to do with Henna turning into a monster? Also, what deal did Henna make with Puck?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably when henna goes to bathe and puck shows up and we start learning that something is wrong with henna. i enjoy the illustration work a lot with how much detailed work is put into henna's appearance. but i also just like the elements added to the story because it really adds this forboding sense that time is running out for everyone really, not just syrma. and i think the addition really helps to add more stakes to the matter, since the more lives in the balance the better? XD 2) this is a tough choice. probably henna. of the designs i like hers the most because its just so strange, mystical, and beautiful at the same time. but also i like how teasing she can get in one scene but then serious and badass in another. all around shes just a really intriguing character to me that i enjoy learning about. 3) I wouldnt label Nirur as "evil" so much as id probably assume hes self-absorbed and concerned only with his well-being. as for his role, i assume some magic shenanigans where somehow syrma's death will help release him. although i feel like not everything is as it seems. like nirur expects his sister to fail and is just trying to get syrma to come to him to trick her into using her inability to be affected by magic to bust him out of god jail. but just spit balling on that one i have no real evidence other then i assume nirur is cunning. 4) i think maybe the liosalfar saved menkar's life. and that menkar may have really just been depressed and had nowhere else to go at the time. i dont think itll reall affect the quest so much as make syrma go "omg hugs for menkar"

5) given the convo the storyteller had with hatal, im gonna assume hes helping syrma out of boredom. cause it seems implied that their world is just kind of stuck and static, never changing and never growing. and i think the storyteller just wants that to change. which i mean to be fair, you cant be a good storyteller when there are no stories to tell. and you cant have good stories without change, growth, and progress. as for puck, yeah i think hes gonna remain loyal to the storyteller. just cause deneb probably wouldnt help him even if he helped her. 6) im gonna just take a stab in the dark here and say maybe forbidden magic comboed with a lack of deference to the crown. although i assume that henna was exiled partly because nobody wants a monster in their lands, so better to get them out before theyre too dangerous to lose. as for the deal, help syrma and get cured? i mean that seems the most likely. and i assume it was a generally vague deal that henna partly regrets cause theres a lot of help needed.

keii4ii

1) This may be a weird choice, but I really liked the scene when Syrma kissed Menkar and ran off. Or rather, that's the scene that made me like her. It's not that I ship them (I'm aro and rarely get excited for shippy stuff). Rather, it made her feel more 3-dimensional to me. There's a lot of scenes portraying her as this perky, reckless warrior-huntress... But there's gotta be more to her than just the fighting and the hunting, right? And that kiss scene did it for me. She was still the same perky, reckless girl, so it wasn't like showing an unexpected hidden side of her. But it still showed that there are mundane moments in her life, too.

6) There is a short story in the Threads anthology that goes over this. I actually read that short story before reading the main comic... It doesn't explain everything, but it explains a lot.

Kabocha

I've only just now started reading this comic, so I'll answer the questions later... But I really like the art so far. It's lovely and incredibly intricate!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. What do you believe the group will do regarding the last potion ingredient since Henna’s blood is useless? How might Farian and the other sidhe help or hurt the situation?

funakounasoul

I need to do an archive binge of this comic again but I wanna just say that I love this story. Love Syrma and want to see how she achieves her goals. I love the art style. It's clean and professional but it's on a stylistic side that attracts me (I tend to not go for stories, especially fantasies, where the cast looks too realistic). Keep up the amazing work, Monica! :D

Kabocha

1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it? http://moonslayercomic.com/comic/ch5-20/ I loved this sequence -- Syrma getting the Angisu was pretty dang neat to see, especially when she threw the flames at the monsters! 2. Probably Deneb. She's got enough mystery around her, but so far I just like how... IDK, goal-oriented she is? She's interesting so far, and I want to know what she has in mind for Syrma. 3. NO IDEA! I think Deneb probably expects that Syrma will take her place, and that's why she chose her and took her magic -- this was all necessary to get her ready. 4. Menkar was probably going to be king before the other guy was put in place, and things went badly. 5. I can't really say why the storyteller might be helping Syrma, but I do wonder how much of this has to do with fate? Alternatively, Deneb could be totally losing it and degenerating somehow, and he's trying to find a peaceful end for her. ...Granted, nothing involving Syrma ever seems to be peaceful for long. 6. ...Y'know, I'd like to know what Henna did? I imagine her exile is directly related to becoming a monster, and is just a consequence of not being with her people... I do think, based on the cast page, that Henna probably helped Iris become immortal, which pissed off several sidhe.

snuffysam

1. Definitely the sequence where Syrma first uses the Angisu. The flames turning into claws around her hands... beautiful. 2. Syrma. I just love the way you see her grow up throughout the comic. 3. I think Deneb wants to use Syrma to free her brother somehow? I'm not sure how sacrificing Syrma would help with that, however. 4. I agree with Rebel on this one. Menkar was exiled for his betrayal, and the liosalfar took him in. 5. I think it's possible the Storyteller just disagrees with Deneb's actions, and wants to stop her somehow? As for Puck, I think he may pretend to be loyal to Deneb, but I still think he's going to help Syrma overall. 6. Agreed with the other sentiments, I'd also like to posit that maybe Henna doesn't know if she's actually helping Syrma, or if she's a traitor. After all, she threatened to reveal her deal with Puck to Syrma and Menkar, which isn't something you do if you're only being helpful.

Kabocha

Seeing how Puck got in a hell of a lot of trouble, I do wonder if it's just that nobody wants Deneb to know what's goin' on

snuffysam

the whole comic is leading up to a surprise birthday party

Kabocha

Oh no! D'ya think Syrma and Deneb have the same birthday? Maybe Deneb's just trying to prevent Syrma from crashing her party or something.

snuffysam

it's the only reasonable explanation i feel

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. What insight do you believe the beginning of the comic gives us to the current story? What do you predict given that Syrma was warned about being seduced and is also emphasized to be all alone?

RebelVampire

i want to add to some of the discussion that i kind of think deneb isnt losing it. i think shes already lost it. XD in the sense that shes just being completely used by her brother and just flat out cant see it. is so dedicated to him nothing about morality or anything else registers to her anymore. its all about getting nirur out of prison, even her children be damned. 7) maybe theyre gonna be extremists and kidnap farian. cause that can only go well right? although i forsee them getting majorly delayed, caught, and sent to sidhe court. puck can be their lawyer. 8) the fact shes all alone....gonna be honest. i just assume everyone be dead. henna is a monster, puck got offed by deneb, menkar died fighting the dragon. cause i dont have optimism from that beginning. i feel like the warning about being seduced is gonna cause syrma to maybe sympathize with deneb some. see that she is a victim of nirur's machinations. and then syrma will kill them both cause i mean the title is moonslayer O_O

monicang

I have to admit that I'm amazed with the guessings and theories of all of you. Some of them are quite close to the truth.

Kabocha

Maybe Nirur lost it and that's why he's locked up... and Deneb's susceptible to the same issue as him. And Syrma's... well, Syrma's going to take over for both of them. Regarding question 8 -- I'm honestly worried xD Like, what's Nirur gonna do? Try and tempt her with power and such? Surely he knows she's not really attracted to that... Unless he can promise her all sorts of things like, her family back, a happy life... using illusions. But maybe he'll also just try to win her heart. XD

Monica -- oh my!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you believe that Syrma and Menkar’s relationship is changing, or is it all just playful teasing? How might the growing tension between them change the direction of Syrma’s quest?

snuffysam

No idea what Syrma's intentions are, but I don't think Menkar's going to take the teasing seriously. like 1) from his point of view, syrma was a baby yesterday, and 2) pretty sure he watched his wife and kid(s) die.

keii4ii

It reminds me of something from a game, when a human character and a dragon character interact. They'd met and fought together as allies in a war 3 years prior. They reunite, the dragon gives the human what he needed, and goes on her way. Human: Wait! Aren't we going to talk and catch up? It's been 3 years! Dragon: What? But we saw each other just 3 years ago!

My guess is Syrma has a crush that she's okay with being unrequited, because she understands there are the differences between them. By the same token, I think she might feel jealous if Menkar were to pursue a relationship with another woman, especially a mortal/non-dragon woman (I don't think this likely, just speaking hypothetically). Not like vehemently jealous, just a "hey I thought... ugh n/m " kinda thing.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

9) i do think the relationship is changing. they seem way too blushy and into the flirting for it not to be. but more i think the dynamic thats changing is them both kind of coming to terms with the fact that they may have some feelings for each other, even if they dont know what to do with them. in terms of changing the direction of syrma's question, i assume itll motivate her more. up until menkar probably gets killed cause i ahve no hope for him to live through this quest. 10) i am looking forward to syrma's growth most of all i think. cause shes still got a ways to go before she's ready for any moon slaying. so im interested to see in how the future trials challenge her and prepare her for the task at hand.

keii4ii

I'm looking forward to finding out what the whole deal is with the intro, obviously! Wanna know what everyone's endgame is: Storyteller, Puck, Nirur, Deneb, etc. (I also wonder if the sun is ever gonna be more involved? )

snuffysam

what if everyone's fine having a nice picnic and syrma's just alone because she's the only one who could go through the gate,

RebelVampire

that is also possible. i just dont think itd sit well with the other charas

snuffysam

it's not a happy picnic

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about MoonSlayer this week! Please also give a special thank you to Monica NGalvan for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked MoonSlayer, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: < http://moonslayercomic.com/%3E

Monica’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/monicang

Monica’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A378XX

Monica’s Store: http://moonslayercomic.com/store/

MoonSlayer’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/MoonSlayerComic

BONDING EXPERIENCES?? ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans​, our muses keep bonding in very confusing ways, what the fuck are these two ]]

voidwizerd okay first off please dont bring this up w Kankri bc th last thing i can handle rn is anythin resemblin a moral talk im too pissed

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd do you ever like get a super specific urge to just beat a body senseless does this happen to you

carnivalsorphans often enough that the thought some people don't kinda baffles

voidwizerd i cant get at who i wanna get at theyre all universes away n maybe DEAD which sure would be fuckin convenient fr them huh i just

carnivalsorphans hahaha yeah fuckin relatable

voidwizerd wanna find some shitty person n whale on em until theyre only sorta recognizable

carnivalsorphans hmmm

voidwizerd teeth aint that necessary anyhow ugh

carnivalsorphans hahahaha do you actually want me ta find ya someone shitty ta fuck up or we just talkin hypotheticals and feelings?

voidwizerd i honestly dont even know i just wanted to confirm someone else experiences this too

voidwizerd i figured if anyone does itd be you

carnivalsorphans aight, just feelings yeah, you bet sib a lot. and it's hard. just kinda.... keepin that real tight inside it winds ya up a bit warps you and makes ya feel all weird til ya can do somethin ta make it stop i used ta bleed myself and then paint with it, but wicked said that's bad, so i'm tryinna figure somethin else out

carnivalsorphans i felt that way bout anyone i actually give a fuck about, where any time they talk on their old shit it just makes me tense up and start this fuckin rumble

carnivalsorphans usually stop it afore it gets loud though kankri says he don't feel that way at all, but i bet there's somethin that'd wind him up that bad somethin for everyone that just makes em wanna beat someone bloody

voidwizerd yeah it just its like wrappin your insides up tighter n tighter n tighter n it feels like itll rip n spill everythin out

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd so fuck, if its gonna tear eventually why not choose myself how that happens???

carnivalsorphans yeah and i'd think at least no one was gettin hurt but me and i like pain anyhow

carnivalsorphans and it spills out nice and slow and i get somethin pretty at the end of it but ... ya gotta pick ya poison, sometimes

voidwizerd i guess i did that last one kinda fr different reasons n a bit more extreme but ha ha ........i fuckin hate copin

carnivalsorphans yeah, it's hard i got a lot ta cope with

carnivalsorphans used ta think i was better than addiction, but i ... dunno. feel like an addict sometimes. wicked says i might be one, even. instead of the bottom of a bottle, i just got my claws

voidwizerd just bout anythin can be addicted to i used to run until my body gave out only way my mind would go quiet i miss th quiet

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd but Kankri would worry

carnivalsorphans fuck havin connections ta people hahaha

voidwizerd right its terrible but also i wouldnt know what happy is like either

carnivalsorphans .... yeah

voidwizerd th loneliness was killin me ha like literally lmaooooo

carnivalsorphans yeah i can feel that

voidwizerd well no okay technically i was doin that my own damn self

carnivalsorphans you wouldn't think, surrounded by church who loves me

carnivalsorphans but ya know. lonely at the top

voidwizerd fuckin pussy i was broke in less than two sweeps. whoop whoop yeah yeah i bet lonely is terrible, fuck that shit

carnivalsorphans used ta be worse but used ta be, i didn't care .... way way fuckin back when saw people bein all close to eachother and it seemed like a waste a fuckin time and energy and like they was a bit away from stabbin eachother in the back

carnivalsorphans .... fuckin ignorance was bliss

voidwizerd ha wouldnt it be so much easier just to not

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd not need that not fuckin CLING to affection like a goddamn lifeline bc its either that n bein treated like garbage or bein treated like nothin at all

carnivalsorphans yeah, fuck that

voidwizerd hurt or isolation take your pick trick question they both hurt and they both make you feel isolated

carnivalsorphans yeah hahahahaha

carnivalsorphans rather have real hurt though. makes shit hard ta focus on .... sometimes, at least

voidwizerd mmn

carnivalsorphans > Try not to think of Artemi. > Try /really hard/

voidwizerd do i like pain fr kinky reasons or do i like it bc i just want someone to beat me to shit

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd these are th questions

carnivalsorphans just assume it's a little a both

carnivalsorphans nothin's ever so black and white sometimes a lil more of one, sometimes a lil more of another

voidwizerd fuckin

carnivalsorphans and sometimes it fades away so much ya almost forget it's there

voidwizerd hate that shit

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd wish it could be simple shouldnt knowin yourself be simple but nah

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha

voidwizerd other ppl know me better than me

carnivalsorphans depends on how fuckin much you want to know

voidwizerd aint that just th fuckin way

carnivalsorphans i've tried real hard not ta let anyone know me fuckin hate bein /known/ bein... able ta pin down predict

voidwizerd sure is a thing its scary

voidwizerd scarier than anythin

carnivalsorphans .... yeah and not just cuz i'm scared for my church not just cuz i'm scared a how people will take it just... 's

voidwizerd if i didnt trust Kankri so much id prolly just. go outta my fuckin mind of terror. ha

carnivalsorphans yeah every time me and wicked have a real talk, i get a bit.... tense. all tensed up for him ta fuckin recoil or use shit against me or probably ain't the best way ta feel with ya rail, but

voidwizerd no i i get that fuck dude i literally couldnt tell you how often Jane n Dirk did that to me but my stupid ass kept confidin in em anyway

carnivalsorphans hahaha i never risked it sometimes i'd tell shit to people i was

voidwizerd only reason i didnt confide w Jake at all was cause he never paid attention to anythin that wasnt bout him

carnivalsorphans hurtin. i ain't ever had enough trust in fuckers to do that sorta shit too often

voidwizerd shit dude if ur only confidantes are th ppl ur torturin you just might need to get out more

carnivalsorphans hahahahaha yeah

carnivalsorphans i kinda went a bit nuts after i fell got better though

voidwizerd good on you shoulder pat for success

carnivalsorphans there's a lotta things i miss bout that time. probably more than i should. one more addiction ta add onto the pile

voidwizerd ha careful dude dont wanna be breakin records here

carnivalsorphans hahahaha i've lived a long time, i set all the records

voidwizerd my point is to get better rather than worse knucklehead though ha tbh this is one of those lights i doubt thats really a possible thing

carnivalsorphans hahaha how bout we just try for not gettin worse tolight? wanna come over? for the sake a not bein alone

voidwizerd i .....yeah thanks

carnivalsorphans fuck knows i ain't gonna be good for bein alone tonight neither. .... but i don't really wanna worry wicked over me bein all whatever i am right now

voidwizerd "whatever" is a good word fr feelins tonight "whatever" with a side of "sad n violent"

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd apparently not a regular or good thing to feel .. is it bad fr me to be so relieved you get this way too

carnivalsorphans naw 's normal ta feel relieved that ya ain't alone in ya experiences

carnivalsorphans fuck, that's sorta why i hang around sugary and vel and wicked

voidwizerd oh huh i guess i like. well i didnt even know i was angry until well

carnivalsorphans until you was burnin

voidwizerd yeah

carnivalsorphans i think vel sorta gets like that

voidwizerd i guess i been mad a long time but

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd long as i ignored it things never happened

carnivalsorphans people tend ta forget angry is somethin they is allowed ta be

voidwizerd until that naggin suspicion got confirmed, that i was treated no better than shit on someones heel, n i just welp there goes th neighborhood

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd anger is its big

carnivalsorphans anger is born out of sorrow a lot sorrow at fuckin... lack at bein wronged

voidwizerd .....yeah

carnivalsorphans at missed opportunities and bein taken advantage of

voidwizerd at at knowin i did nothin to get hurt n did *everythin* to win approval thats just

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd seventeen goddamn years of waste right there

carnivalsorphans yeah sweeps of lack of what ya deserved

voidwizerd i didnt deserve that

carnivalsorphans yeah

voidwizerd *they* deserved my goddamn fists i wish id fought back

carnivalsorphans it's aight to be angry bout that shit. people always say it's aight to mourn, but sometimes mournin involves gettin fuckin pissed

voidwizerd i wish id listened to my instincts

carnivalsorphans you did what ya knew ta do and that's... somethin

carnivalsorphans may not always feel good

voidwizerd i loved em too much was th problem id let anythin slide cause they was my whole world

carnivalsorphans ain't nothin wrong with lovin maybe a bit wrong with bein blinded by it, but there ain't nothin to be done about that except learn from it

voidwizerd yeah took

carnivalsorphans and fuckin... bein tempered hurts, but it does make ya stronger

voidwizerd fuckin 21 years but i learned

carnivalsorphans .... cmere?

voidwizerd yeah

voidwizerd yeah ill be there

carnivalsorphans > Probably help to send coords. > And then time to snug a friend

voidwizerd > Friend will cry and rant a lot but appreciate much. > Mostly cry.

carnivalsorphans > Pet the friend. Kiss their head and wipe away tears sometimes and comfort and offer inappropriate jokes when tears seem to be letting up.

voidwizerd > Jokes get a smile and then even more crying because what the fuck is an appropriate response to people caring about them.

carnivalsorphans > More kisses because how do you deal with people crying Normally anyway?

voidwizerd > Kisses back a little because that seems to help and not kissing back was starting to feel Weird.

carnivalsorphans > Prr? Wipe away tears, focus more on wiz than your own shit.

voidwizerd > Pr... Still feeling terrible, and thinking about bad gunk, but at least not alone. And good to be with someone who kinda gets it. "We're sorta fucked up huh."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah. But we make it work."

voidwizerd "Fuck dude we sure do. By the skin of our fuckin teeth but we're doin it."

carnivalsorphans "I think we're doin better than some people."

voidwizerd "That's optimistic." > Weak laugh.

carnivalsorphans "Naw, we ain't still stuck in our old shit. I think that's better off. Some people never get that far."

voidwizerd "...That's true." > Snuggle up more after decaptchaing more blankets. Feeling more vulnerable to Ringleader's chilliness.

carnivalsorphans > Oh, good. A layer between you and the warmth. ... Give the bundled wiz a squish. "There's somethin to be said for bein proud of how far we've come, at least. Even if we ain't where we wanna be yet." > .... Where does he want to be though?

voidwizerd "Where we even tryin to get to, though?" > Squish is good. Quiet purr.

carnivalsorphans > A snort. "Ya know, I was thinkin the exact same thing." > Loud purring.

voidwizerd "Don't that just figure. Tolight we're real fulla questions that don't got proper answers, huh."

carnivalsorphans "I dunno that we gotta know where we're goin ta be glad we're not where we were."

voidwizerd > Now you snort. "That's some deep shit."

carnivalsorphans "That's me. Deep as fuck. ya know my real secret now.

voidwizerd "I'm honored!" > Quiet laugh. Moody staring at nothing for a while. "Think I'm done cryin now. Got that hollow sense settlin in nice an blegh.”

carnivalsorphans “Yeah, fuck that. I only appreciate that shit when i’m needin to think after bein pissed. And even then, it ain’t the same as true calm.”

voidwizerd "Mmh. Better than feelin I'm about to like... break into a million billion pieces. Like takin a sledgehammer to a window. Ha." > Blink slow. Slower. You're not moving so much.

carnivalsorphans > Squish. You ain't their rail, it's not your responsibility to make sure they're all... In tact. .... But still, you're a bit concerned. A tiny bit. "Anythin I can be doin ta help?"

voidwizerd "'unno. Feelin's gone for now." > Whoops, that there is a yawn. You rub your face, trying to stay awake. "What about you?"

carnivalsorphans "Feel.... Warm." Soft purring. "Probably about time ta pass out."

voidwizerd "Mmh." Sprawl out a bit. "Thanks for bein my comrade in shittiness."

carnivalsorphans "Misery demands company and all that. Plus i like hangin around you."

voidwizerd "Gay."

carnivalsorphans "Yeah." Forehead kiss.

voidwizerd > Mumble a barely comprehensible "suuuuper gay" before nodding off. > RL's a good friend.

carnivalsorphans > Pet Wiz a little longer before going to sleep yourself.

ugh

im still sad but im not confused i talked to my 5 year old self, shes the one that craves these unhealthy relationships because thats what she saw mom and dad do. mom was constantly trying to please dad an get his attention when he was unavailable, because he’s still a 13 year old child in his head, and he’ll never change or grow. my 5 year old self things that going above and beyond for someone who cant do the same for you is the right thing to do. i deserve better. and taylor literally told me that. this weekend was a big intervention for me. i realized i had been letting things slide. im glad she weirdly realizes that she also knew she was bad for me? im grateful that in some fucked up part of her mind she realizes she’s abusive? she realizes she’s fucked up? but she’s not going to change. i wonder when she’s going to turn on breylan or andy. i wonder who she’s already latched onto next. 

taylor didnt love me. she liked the object that i was and that i fit whatever projection she had of what she needed. just like irene, just like qualeasha, but its strange because she lets people keep hurting her? and then still loves them? but with me, its just outright hatred? i dont understand why she loves frances so much when frances constantly and almost always chose someone else over her. what is that about? maybe its because they are both bad people with bad personalities. 

what im most fucking annoyed about is all the fucking plans we made. and she couldnt for one second stop to think about the fucking fact that we had plans saturday so maybe i didnt want to hangout with you on friday? and we have plans wednesday! taylor! i cant make friends for you! you have opportunities to make friends! i cant fucking do this shit for you! what the fuck! to put that on me! the nerve. when all i have been is sweet and kind and gentle to you. what the fuck taylor. what the fuck, that is rude, disrespectful. and i am not deserving of that treatment. i deserve love kindness and empathy and you’ve given me none of it and YOU have the nerve to cut me off because you think i betrayed you. when in reality i was protecting you, because i would hate to put you in a situation where anyone would later talk to me behind your back about you. you’re fucking irrational. rude. uncaring. and i need to stay as far as possible from you, if possible. i cant sit near her in class. im only going to talk to her when necessary--for our project, thats it. im so pissed that she didnt think about all of this shit. and shes already latched on to breylan or andy because i couldnt give her enough. i wonder if either of them will realize that shes no longer talking to me and is actually responding to them, instead of ignoring them. because i am one hundred percent and completely and utterly being rejected and cast out. i know that because she literally told me thats how she is. i know its mean to say. but i cant wait for the day that she pisses off breylan, because breylan doesnt give a fuck and will call her out. and she’ll have to start over again. and again and again. im going to do this fucking project, and im going to not speak to her unless i have to after this. im going to limit the amout of time and energy i need to spend on this person. i am going to love myself so fucking hard that this WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 

she literally called me TIMID, SHY, AND UNCONFIDENT. SHE HURT ME AND I DONT DESERVE TO BE HURT THAT WAY! NO ONE DOES! IF ANYONE HURT HER LIKE THAT SHE’D BLOW UP. IM REALLY PISSED. ugh! how dare she! i cleaned her car! and she didnt notice! because shes a fucking narcissist who only looks at herself and nothing else! i hate the way she made me feel she drew me in i hate her i hate her i cant wait for this project to be fucking over. i cant wait. fuck. i hate her and i will not associate her. shes abusive and manipulative and onyl cares about her fucking self, because she cant make or follow through with plans. I DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT SHES EVIL AND I HOPE SHE NEVER GETS MARRIED. I HATE HER AND HOW SHE MADE ME FEEL. NEVER AGAN, NO MORE! NEVER! 

i need to accept and acknowledge that taylor is NOT a good person. she likes being hurt. she likes being a victim. she likes destroying things. and she only cares about herself, she cant fully care about others because if she did, she’d realize her expectations are fucked up, and having expectations for friends is fucked up. the only way i would have gotten her to ‘be’ with me is if i tip toed around her 24/7 and jumped when she said jump. and sat when she said sit. but i actually liked her and cared about her. ill care about her by caring aggressively about myself. i deleted our messages. i deleted my accounts. im gonna take some steps to take care of myself i am going to : 

--not judge myself for being sad 

--not hangout with breylan or andy, because i do not want to spend time with taylor. i am not going to put myself in any situation where i have to hangout with her in a group or singular setting. i am going to stay home more or just hangout with my other friends. im too nervous and scared to build a connection with anyone new, and i dont want to build a connection with anyone associated with taylor. ill just tell them i cant hangout and that im busy or i just need time to work through some stuff. i CANT confide in them because i do not want to start drama and i am not about to subject myself to further abuse if taylor blows a fuse. 

--not beat myself up for missing taylor 

--work hard to realize that what she expressed was not LOVE because there was not empathy, there was no grey scale, if she truly loved me and saw that i hungout with someone else, she would be happy and excited, and would want to know if she could join in next time. 

--work out, take care of myself, and work on my work, really hard. maybe ill finish all of my final projects early. maybe ill just do that. i think itll be okay. 

Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃