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#aw I actually feel emotional writing this to myself
shesailsships · 4 months
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I want to make this small post to thank 2023!me. Thank you for working so hard to better yourself, the "better" consciously chosen as truly things you wanted to work towards- and less directed by society. Thank you 2023!me for educating yourself about nutrition, weight training, naturopathic medicine, dipping your toe into self healing your nervous system, regularly practicing yoga, learning how to *really* cook, and remembering to take the time to do some things you love, like fangirling over kpop boys, kdramas, writing a new chapter on your WIP, and playing with your Sims family <3
2023!me lost nearly twenty pounds over the course of a year, slowly, and with the intention to grow stronger and healthier. Thank you 2023!me. You did what you set out to do at the beginning of 2023! Amazing! Way to go!
I wish the best for 2024!me, go forth proud and let's discover what we want to grow into this year <3
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wrylu · 2 months
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idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny
aka my average day as of now
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The good news about being chronically ill and depressed is that it is GREAT writing material. I'm going to write my man Asran so brilliantly.
Bad news is: I have to stop being chronically and depressed to utilise this material to its fullest. Gah.
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bisamwilson · 2 years
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i think,,, i might have burned myself out
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rottingsick · 7 months
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I don't like the idea of havin bipolar bc it makes my narc loss of control meltdowns worse. like what do you mean I just have to feel like shit for months on end and there's nothin I can do about it. I thought I was better than this.
#text#rotting#no rb#mine#like not to compare two disorders esp not when the one Im abt to say was easier literally ruined most of my life#but from an overdramatic narcissistic standpoint I feel like bpd is way easier to cope with#like bc there's a trigger there's reasonin for why I think the way I do and how I overreact#and analyzin my patterns of behaviour and bein able to actually convince myself out of feelin a certain way#like I still am somewhat in control I'm just unstable#like by easier to cope with I mean like the aspect of internalizin I have this issue with me#like honest to god I don't want to go to a psych bc I dont want to have bipolar as if that actually changes my reality of my symptoms#also it was easier to ignore and write off any bipolar symptoms when my bpd was extremely severe#like to the point where attempts were on the regular. my emotions would just be volatile#so like general trends of depression and mania were harder to point out with the rapid mood swings in between#I licherally remember child me would say things like 'for a couple months everything would be fine n great and then next three months#everything would just be god awful. and it cycles'#and just thought it couldnt be bipolar and just thought the universe was mean to me or smth#bc again with all the highs and lows muddied everything and i have no emotional permanency#not like any psych would take me seriously tho bc apparently u cant have bipolar and bpd <- lies they tell u bc they hate borderlines#auuughhhhh#and not to be like this but its cooler to be a crazy yan borderline than it is#to be like a depressed sack of shit who suddenly decides theyre god for a couple weeks to a couple months#it also makes me bitter towards that one bipolar bitch who abandoned me bc their depression episode got so bad#like I have no inclination to not be around those I love the most when Im in depression. in fact I want to be around them more#like wow you really didnt give a shit about me now did you. auuuuuuuugggghhhh
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beaconfeels · 2 years
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Working on my fic for a steter mini bang and it’s kicking my ass. I’m quite positive it’s the worst thing I’ve ever written and everyone will loathe it. Thanks brain. Very helpful.
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oliversrarebooks · 5 months
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I saw a post wondering why people write whump and it got me to thinking why I originally was fascinated by any whumpy content as a child.
I think for me, it was an escapist way to validate my emotional pain. Growing up, I felt awful and anxious and terrified all the time, but because I wasn't being beaten or physically neglected or abused in a way that was obviously visible to others, it didn't feel real. It didn't feel like I was "allowed" to have those awful twisted-up feelings. And when I tried to talk about them to anyone, I was always dismissed -- there's nothing to be scared of, there's nothing to cry about, what's wrong with you?
Watching characters go through awful things and imagining myself going through those awful things was cathartic. If I were caught in a snowstorm and dying of hypothermia, or rushed into emergency surgery from a burst appendix, or abducted by aliens, or kidnapped and tortured -- then these awful feelings inside me would make sense. I'd be "allowed" to feel sad and scared.
There's also the intoxicating allure of helplessness. When you're parentified as a child, it feels like everything falls on your shoulders. You're ten years old and responsible for keeping your parents happy and their marriage together on top of perfect grades and perfect behavior. Wouldn't it be nice if you were put in a situation where you didn't have to do anything? Wouldn't it be nice in an awful way to be laid up in a hospital bed with some horrible disease or tied to a chair awaiting rescue or hypnotized into a trance?
Like the only way I could imagine resting my anxious brain was being kidnapped or mind controlled!
And then if the whump includes comfort, that's even better, because not only was it totally valid for you to feel awful, other people are actually trying to make you feel better! They bring you blankets and hot drinks and medicine instead of telling you you're being dramatic and to suck it up.
So for me, that's a lot of why whump can be so comforting.
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nerdyqueerandjewish · 2 months
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7 Types of Rest
I've been reading a bit about this and jotting down some notes because the framework is helpful for communicating my different kinds of exhausted and gives me ideas on how to help myself more, and idk I thought I would share because I think other people might find it useful or interesting. I don't have just one article on it to recommend because unfortunately they are almost all trying to sell you their telehealth services or a meditation app or whatever.
**Disclaimer that resting isn't going to fix everything, examples of things to do aren't going to be accessible to everyone, they are just meant to be a start to brain storming, this is not medical advice etc...**
Physical - Relates to activities that are physically restorative
Mental - Relates to taking a break from mental stimulation
Spiritual - Relates to the fundamental need for belonging, purpose and acceptance
Emotional - Relates to being able to experience and express your real and authentic feelings
Sensory - Relates to giving your senses a break from stimulation
Social - Relates to feeling energized by spending time with people who contribute to your life in positive, supportive, and meaningful ways
Creative - Relates to appreciating beauty or feeling awe/wonder
Notes I made for "signs you need x type of rest" and actually getting that type of rest are under the cut. Again, they are personal so take them with a grain of salt. Also some of my notes on things I could do would definitely apply to others. I didn't want to keep writing "go outside" and "journal" for over half of them lol.
Physical Rest
Signs you may need physical rest
Feeling fatigued, body aches and pains
Feeling mentally sluggish or foggy
Getting some relief
Prioritize getting good quality sleep
Go on walks or engage in other gentle physical activity
Stretch throughout the day
Getting a massage (maybe trade with a friend or partner?)
Improve the ergonomics of your workspace
Mental Rest
Signs you may need mental rest
Unable to concentrate or recall simple things
Unable to relax
Racing thoughts
Getting some relief
Schedule breaks throughout the day
Write things down (can help racing thoughts or things you're worried about forgetting)
Do a satisfying activity that doesn't require much thought (example: coloring pages, simple craft)
Spiritual Rest
Signs you may need spiritual rest
Feeling lack of purpose or belonging
Getting some relief
Get involved in local community
volunteer
pray or meditate
Emotional Rest
Signs you may need emotional rest
Feeling weighed down
Stifling/suppressing feelings
Strong need to please others
Getting some relief
Talk to someone who allows you to be your authentic self
Participating in a peer support group
Journaling
Sensory Rest
Signs you may need sensory rest
Feeling energized at the start of the day, but becoming more irritable as the day progresses
Getting distracted by noises other people seem to be able to tune out
Getting some relief
Use dimmable lighting or lamps
Regularly set notifications to do not disturb
Use power strips to easily turn off multiple appliances at once
Avoid running loud appliances during busy parts of the day (ex. if washing machine is loud, don't run it while you're trying to pack and get out the door on time)
Social Rest
Signs you may need social rest
Feeling drained, exhausted
Feeling like your only interactions are with people who want/need something from you
Getting some relief
Nurture life-affirming, meaningful relationships
Make time for socializing with friends who don't "need" anything from you, where you can just enjoy each other's company
If you know you will be interacting with someone you find draining, make a plan to engage in social rest after
Creative Rest
Signs you may need creative rest
Feeling "blah"
Struggling with problem solving or brainstorming
Getting some relief
Go out in nature
Spend time in inviting spaces
Listen to music
Watch a skilled performer
Display items you find visually appealing in both home and work spaces
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hpimagines · 2 months
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Slytherin boys- Confession letters
( No Blaise in this one, I’m sorry to my Blaise girlies</33 )
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Mattheo Riddle-
You opened your book bag to find a extremely folded up piece of notebook paper with a bunch of random rose doodles around it and opened it suspiciously
I don’t know what i’m doing right now, this is honestly so stupid. Anytime I’m near you it’s like I get a rush of shit i’m not used to and if I told you this in person I think id shit myself so take this and my awful wording. Y/n I’ve been in love with you since before I knew what love was, that rush of emotions I brought up before I understand what it is now, I’ve loved you, and I’ll continue to love you if you’ll let me, please Y/n, let me love and protect you forever. - your favorite dada partner ;)
Theodore Nott-
You were sitting in the Library when Theo walked passed and left an envelope in front of you, before you could question anything he hurried off seemingly in a rush, your name was on the letter so you opened it slowly
Y/n, If you’re reading this that means I wasn’t a little bitch and actually gave it to you, so congratulations. I’m going to make you work for this so get your translation book out, Hai cambiato la mia vita y/n, onestamente non so cosa farei senza di te a questo punto, tutto quello che so è che ti amo e voglio che tu sia mio, tutto mio, vero? (You’ve changed my life Y/n , I honestly don't know what I would do without you at this point, all I know is that I love you and I want you to be mine, all mine, will you?)
Draco Malfoy-
You were sitting in class when Draco sent over one of his flying bird notes, you were surprised it was for you, and were even more surprised when you saw them contents
Dear Y/n,
I don’t mean to seem so formal, but I honestly have no idea how to do this. Anytime we’re in the same room you’re all I can look at, everyone else disappears. You’re so gorgeous. You practically live in my head at this point, I understand we’re not the closest Y/n, but we can be. All I’m asking for is once chance with you, I promise you won’t regret it. - D.Mꨄ
Lorenzo Berkshire-
You were sitting at the black lake while Enzo was messing around near the water, while he wasn’t paying attention you noticed he had a letter with your name on it in his bag, so you decided to open it
I doubt I’ll ever actually give this to you, I don’t think I’d be able to handle the rejection of the most amazing, beautiful, and talented girl I know. I can’t get you out of my head love, merlin, love. I love you. There I said it. I Lorenzo Berkshire am in love with you. I’m definitely never giving this to you I sound insane. Fuck Y/n, you seriously have no idea what you do to me.
Tom Riddle-
While studying with tom he slipped you a note before getting up and leaving with no added words
I hate the way you make me feel. I hate that I can’t hate you, and I hate that you make me feel things. Be mine Y/n, I could make your life so much better, I’ll give you the entire world all you’d have to do is say please. Be mine and you could have everything you desire and more.
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Im so sorry I have no idea what to write for Blaise right now loves, but hopefully you enjoyed this, I will make a part two of the post I made about Theo a couple days ago don’t worry <33 Alsooo I just want to let yall know that all the italian is google translated so Im sorry if the translations are wrong, but what I put is what they should say :)
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hacked-by-jake · 1 month
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[MC (they-them) × Jake × fluff]
MC stepped out of the police station, relieved to have finally finished the last report on the Hannah case, feeling the warmth of the sun on their face and the crisp spring air filling their lungs. They glanced at their watch, already mentally mapping out their route to the next town where their expertise was needed. But before they could take another step, a mysterious figure clad in black approached them, sunglasses hiding his eyes, a hood obscuring his features.
"Are you MC?" he asked, his voice low and gravelly.
They nodded cautiously as he handed them a sealed envelope without another word. Without waiting for a response, the enigmatic figure vanished into the bustling street. Intrigued and slightly unnerved, MC tore open the letter, their curiosity piqued by the unexpected delivery, despite already having a premonition about the sender of this letter..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
𝘔𝘺 𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘔𝘊,
I'm sending this letter to assure you of my safety.
As I sit here, penning these words to you, my heart races with both excitement and trepidation. The events that unfolded during our recent mission have left me both exhilarated and wounded, both physically and emotionally. But above all else, they've left me longing for your reassuring presence.
I write to you now, not from a place of despair, but from a place of hope and determination. Despite the close call and the injuries sustained, I want you to know that I am safe and on the path to recovery. The mine left me with several, light injuries. The burns may sting, but they are nothing compared to the ache in my heart from being away from you.
MC, our partnership has been nothing short of extraordinary. Together, we've faced challenges that most would shy away from, and emerged victorious against all odds. The way you fearlessly tackled every obstacle, with unwavering resolve, fills me with an indescribable pride. You are the true hero in this story.
Yet, amidst the chaos and danger, I can't shake the feeling of guilt for putting you in harm's way. Please know that it was never my intention to cause you worry or pain. If anything, I am in awe of your strength and resilience, and I am eternally grateful for your unwavering support.
As we embark on this temporary separation, I find solace in the knowledge that it is only a matter of time before we reunite. I've been informed about the City near Duskwood, where they requested your assistance. Moonvale awaits us with its mysteries and challenges, and I have no doubt that together, we will conquer whatever obstacles lie ahead.
Until then, my love, take comfort in the knowledge that I carry you with me always, in every beat of my heart and every thought that crosses my mind. Stay strong, stay safe, and know that I am counting down the moments until we can be together again.
I, too, will personally ensure your safety. Nymos and I are committed to clearing your path and doing whatever it takes to protect you. I've shared my vulnerability with you before, and in light of the recent events at Grim Rock, I find myself even more dependent and at your mercy.
I'm incredibly proud of you for cracking the case and saving my sister. The challenges you confronted, the horrors you endured, and the loss of Richy... I can only begin to fathom the emotional anguish you're experiencing, but I vow to be your unwavering support, concealed in the shadows, yet ever-present by your side, even if you cannot perceive me. I will never leave you alone.
MC, my love, I promise you, we will see each other again when the time comes.
With all my heart,
Jake
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A/n: A little thing after the release of the date, just a little idea. Actually, I just wanted to post the letter, but decided to add the first part, just as an introduction. Letters from Jake are just great, aren’t they? :) I was a bit proud for the wording here. Even if the first part is pretty short and not so detailed. But well, writing Jake is a stress-lovely something. I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading and I hope you will have a fantastic day/evening/night! 💚
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moviestarmartini · 3 months
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Since you are open to writing about Brahim 🤭imagine Jude being a third wheel and always hanging out with you and Brahim, like the guy is never at his house 😭😭
three, that's the magic number! - brahim diaz x reader x platonic!jude bellingham
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warnings: none, pure fluff. headcanon/bulleted format.
OKAY HE WOULD LOWKEY BE LIKE “i want what these bitches have” BUT LET ME NOT GET AHEAD OF MYSELF HERE 
now playing... the magic number by de la soul
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you’d heard of Jude but came to meet him in a dinner Brahim had organized with him and Arda. 
you’d noticed the way Jude stared in awe at the two of you whenever you interacted, even if it was just Brahim taking short glances, his face softer than ever. 
it started off with Brahim asking if you could pick up Jude on the way to training, not wanting the younger man to take a taxi there again 
the way the three of you could start a conversation and flow felt nice, singing along to some songs that Brahim had queued.
Jude often asked what the songs said, or what a word either of you said meant. you found endearing how he was really trying with spanish
Jude then started getting dropped off at your shared place to be driven to training by you two— getting all pouty when Brahim was the one driving, not you.  
“Is this what abandonment feels like?” He would joke, but still wished you the best on your way out to work. 
then it was the fact Brahim took it upon himself to teach the englishman the do’s-and-don’ts of Madrid. 
you took Jude everywhere, all your favorite spots, doing your best to avoid large crowds to not draw attention to yourselves. 
“You’re in luck, she’s the best tour guide ever.” Brahim bragged about you to Jude, as he did to anyone who would listen.  
he was just so so proud of every you know and done, he can’t help himself. 
you knew a lot about the historic places you saw even when just passing by car, telling Jude every detail and fun fact you had in store in that brain of yours.
he listened attentively, also noticing the way Brahim would look at you with the tiniest smile behind his lips.  
“See? I’ve got myself the smartest cookie. Eres la más inteligente de todo España, mi habibati.” Brahim would coo after you were done explaining, reaching to cup your face and stroke your cheekbone with his thumb as you nodded slowly, cheeks flushed. 
soon, however, candid pictures of you hanging out were released to the public. 
the reactions varied from people adoring the pair you and Brahim made and how tall Jude was compared to the two of you but always followed behind as if he was your child. 
by that point he’d already taken your flat as his favorite hang out spot, more often than not you found Jude playing FIFA or board games with Brahim after coming home from work.
“Get a room.” Jude would complain at your cuddling and kissing, Brahim brushing the spiky facial hair against the length of your neck only to hear the giggles that made his chest swell 
“Jude, you’re the one who’s in our room.” you deadpanned with a yawn, the two men bursting down in laughter. 
but at the end of the day, he felt like another member of your family— just like abi Arda did, but that’s a story for another day. 
and you were so glad Brahim could reintegrate back into the team flawlessly. 
at one of the games you sat in the VIP balcony at the bernabeú with a good chunk of the players— all out on injuries, including Jude, who went straight to you as he noticed you walk in. 
you two commented on the game as if that was your actual job, feeling every second and emotion. 
you also noticed how Jude looked at you every time you celebrated Brahim doing things right— it could only be described as admiration.
 Jude had to leave when the game was itching its end, having to stand with the other injured players, leaving you with Denise.  
you introduced yourself quickly, and you noticed how she perked up. 
“Lovely to meet you, but can you give me my son back? Or do I need to pull out some adoption papers for you two?” she laughed, soon telling you how much he talked about both you and Brahim, and the relationship you shared. 
you couldn't help but laugh, "Really? I think I have a pen in my purse, hold on–" you joked, but feeling proud... why? because everyone could clearly see how much you loved Brahim.
and they could also see, clear as day, how much he loved you too.
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prince-liest · 5 days
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Not only has 666 become like my favorite fanfic series ever, but it’s helped me learn so much about my own asexuality. Every time you release a new chapter I realize another things about myself and how alastor and I are scarily similar in this. It’s helped me feel kind of seen with me constantly being torn in how I feel about things. I feel less weird and more able to talk about it y’know? The way you write it just clicks for me. You genuinely have made such an impact in how I view sex and myself and I know you’re just like a random person online but thank you so much for your writing 💪
Aw, I'm so glad to hear that! A lot of the process of writing 666 has been similarly an exploration of the various concepts in it for me, so I'm really happy that the topic of aroace sexuality not only feels genuine but also relatable in it. It's kinda funny, because obviously the characters involved are, like, deranged little freaks, but it's because they're deranged little freaks that I'm having so much fun freely writing whatever I want with them, which turned out to leak into feeling very free to write about the aroace aspects as well! Hard to feel self-conscious about writing an ace character when he's also out here, like, eating human flesh and getting electrocuted near to death for the kicks. And all jokes about that aside, the actual acts might be insane, but the underlying emotions are genuine.
So from one random person online to another, thank YOU for reading and I'm really happy to hear that I've brought this bit of joy and introspection to your life! <3
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xzaddyzanakinx · 17 days
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Part two thoughts on an ani x bpd reader? Like, when things get that bad, does either of them wake the fuck up and realize things need to change? Remorse or guilt? The reader leaving? Ani leaving or falling into a self loathing hole, doing bad stuff again and again whether to himself or reader) and not taking care of himself?
It’s interesting to read some of your takes on BPD relationships, because I obviously have no idea what that’s like, but you do. You can make it seem very addicting, but also very terrifying and unhealthy, depending on which way the pendulum swings (I hope you take that as a compliment. Tone is hard through text. Lol. 😅).
I personally do not believe abuse is justified in any situation, whether you have a disorder or not. There’s lots of ways to deal with feelings without taking it out on someone else. On the other hand, I know some BPD’s have described feeling horrified with themselves after an episode like that, and so I’ve never really known just how much ‘control’ someone has in that moment. Either way, I still believe it’s the person’s responsibility to find a way to deal with it. Nobody deserves to be miserable around them just because they can’t handle something.
Anyway, I kind of went off on a rant. Apologies. Lol. My main request was for a part two of Ani x BPD reader! ❤️🫶✨
Not offended at all bby.
I think after I’m done with stalker!ani I’ll write a fic on this. Just cause so many people have asked about it.
100% BPD X BPD would be a terrible pairing. Coming from me as a bpd gal.
Now, personally, I’ve never physically abused anyone during an episode. But I HAVE done lots of property damage and I also broke my hand when I used a concrete wall as a punching bag. I split a wooden bat at the tip from whacking a fence once.
When it gets that bad, I don’t really remember what I said or did. I just feel really jittery, almost like an extreme caffeine high you know? (Imagine old cartoon character drinking coffee and their whole body vibrates, eyeballs and all)
But if it doesn’t get to that point, which it rarely does now that I’m medicated correctly and have a good support system, I IMMEDIATELY feel regret. Like horrible sorrow. Bpd means big feelings and when I feel regret, which isn’t often, it feels like I’m grieving a death that I’m to blame for.
For the smaller, more snappy or short outbursts:
My mouth works faster than the logical part of my brain that tells me not to say something mean.
Sometimes I catch myself in the middle of saying something awful and then I just have to finish it because the damage is done and I may as well spit it out. Then I’ll lock myself in the bathroom for an hour until I’ve hyped myself up enough to apologize, then I’ll go back to the bathroom until the big feelings from my apology die down. I’ll be quiet, basically selectively mute for the rest of the day and be super irritable.
It’s exhausting. But it’s even more exhausting to have to continually remind myself not to spew the first thing that pops into my head or not to chuck the bag of shredded cheese at the wall because I can’t get the ziploc to open.
It’s so stupid that something so small as getting my hairbrush stuck on a knot in my hair could set me off into a teeth gritting, foot stomp and shriek. Like wtf? That’s embarrassing. But it happens before I can even think about what I’m doing.
The best way I can describe it is: I’m a bratty toddler when it comes to emotional regulation.
But you’re so right tho, your illness doesn’t give you an excuse to be an ass. It just proves the person doesn’t want to put in the work to get better if they use it as a justifying reason.
BPD might cause my reactions, but I’m in charge of my actual actions. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to recognize that though. I’m an adult now, I’m medicated, I’ve spent my fair share of days in the loony bin. Looking back at my teenage self? It’s horrific and sad. For me and everyone around me back then.
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swordcreature · 4 months
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Hiiii I love your writing so much and I have a request for Wyll! I love the tiefling headcanons about their infernal traits and was wondering if you had any thoughts about Wyll after he’s transformed into a devil. Do you think like his horns and ridges on his face would be sensitive and causes him to fluster more easily if you touch them?
aw tysm you're so kind!!! <33
it hurts me so bad that they didn't give Wyll as many tiefling features as the "true" tieflings in the game. it makes me SO SAD because he looks so good when i used that mod that gives him a tail and pointed ears. SO GOOD!!!!!
but i answered this based on his in game features (and an implied detail about ridges being in places he didn't expect hehehoh) so no tail or cute ears here ):
also i know this prompt wasn't explicitly asking for nsfw, but i can't help myself. i'm a simple worm, i think of tiefling ridges i think of dirty things, it never stops. i did make a note below of where the nsfw stuff starts though in case you wanted to skip it!
Wyll - Infernal Traits
contains some explicit content, MDNI/18+
How Wyll reacts to some of his more infernal features
First and foremost, I think growing horns hurts. Sure, it happens instantaneously, but then he goes through the painful ordeal of learning how to navigate the world with these big ol' horns. His skin is probably so sore where they start, since he's not used to the tension or weight of them.  
He’s too shy to talk about it, but eventually Karlach notices and shares some tips that helped her when she was a kid with growing horns. 
The actual horns themselves do not have feeling, I think they are more like bovine horns where they are bone/keratin and start off growing through the skin and attach to the skull later as they grow. So although they have little feeling, he can sense the pressure of touch and things like that.  
It’s an unnerving sensation when a horn gets caught on something or is pulled by someone, and until he acclimates to it, it’s a bit painful. He’s not used to having anything attached to his skull like this, so yanking them unexpectedly does not feel great!  
I think he would be protective of them because of this, defensive of anyone being too rough around them. Anyone coming close with the intent to fool around with his horns is going to get a good shove; he’s not putting up with anyone who's willing to make him feel uncomfortable.  
He definitely does not like them being touched during intimacy for a long while either. Even gentle touches to them can cause those foreign sensations, so he prefers to keep hands off them. Not to mention the fact that he’s dealing with the complex emotions of transforming. It’s not forever though, he does get used to it at some point, and even comes to enjoy it. 
The ridges on his skin are sensitive due to how thin the skin is as it’s stretched over the cartilage. It can be a bit ticklish, especially on his face and on his ribs. He discovers this himself one day when looking in the mirror and feeling over the new bumps. The entire process of adjusting to his new form has been uncomfortable at best, so it’s nice to find one part of his new body that is sensitive in a good way.  
It’s the first part of his infernal features he lets his partner actually touch, partly because it would be hard to connect at all while avoiding the ridges – they’re everywhere – but also because the light touch of his lover on them is comforting (though it does still tickle him a bit). When they skim his ridges while cupping his cheek, he tries to hide the shiver it causes and gets a little flustered.  
Like everything though, the ridges lose a lot of sensitivity over time. But every once in a while, a particularly soft touch against the spines on his ribs does make him shudder.  
NSFW content below:
The ridges on his more private areas, however, never lose that responsiveness. At first it’s almost unbearable how much more intense they make everything feel. Even the most mundane acts like gripping himself through his trousers make him squirm like he’s never been touched before.  
The first time he touches himself? It’s over in record time. A few good pumps of his hand over the rippling bumps that lead up to the head has his hips bucking like crazy. He normally prides himself on being discrete with his baser urges, but the infernal bumps make it almost impossible. He almost whines. 
For a long time, he can’t really handle oral or even an eager hand job because he’s afraid he’ll spoil the evening too early. And he’s right, because when his partner goes down on him and runs their tongue over the bumps that start at his base, following the trail that leads up his shaft, he cums almost immediately.  
Of course, he’s embarrassed about it, blushing and apologizing because it came without much warning and he’s a gentleman. But there’s also a tinge of excitement he feels – it’s the strongest orgasm he’s ever had. He gets rather giddy thinking about the fun he and his partner can have with this part of his new infernal body.  
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weebsinstash · 10 months
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God devout protector Miguel after the you two incident would be AMAZINGLY AWFUL. Man will full on strap your ass to him in like a baby carrier kind of fashion, you wouldn’t leave his sight, let alone his reach.
And the other spiders would be crossed between being mad jealous but also relived because if anyone can keep you on lock, it would be Miguel.
If you did try and leave again tho I FIRMLY believe man would go full feral, foaming and running on all fours, just to get you again.
But also? He’s totally crying the first time he gets to fuck the real you. Man will swear there’s a diff between you and your dopple.
(Post contains across the spiderverse spoilers for Miguel's backstory/family)
Bruh I keep thinking of tons of ways to torture Miguel/the Reader, why do I have a fetish for writing fucking drama like this is some lifetime movie real housewives levels of drama, and I was thinking of a really specific scene sort of idea. So imagine a big reason YouTwo starts trying to steal your identity, really THE reason, is because YOU didn't realize "the severity of your surroundings" in the sense that you don't realize your spidey sense is going off half the time because a big portion of this community is stalking you, but YouTwo DOES. Like lmao, it's not even, totally out of spite against you that they steal your life either, YouTwo may just also share some of your massive insecurity issues and they see how so much of the Spider Society outright adores you and wants that for themselves, they want to feel important and loved, shit maybe YouTwo is even an anomaly who was never supposed to be a Spider but you were and that furthers their own mental health issues
I really like the idea of like, Reader and Miguel having kind of a slow burn undefined relationship which actually plays a role in exposing YouTwo or. Something lol. Idk I kind of struggle sometimes, tone wise, with writing yandere who are just like outright delusional and not at least partially lucid and, I typically don't go for those "I was drooling at the mouth the second i saw you" characterizations myself (not because I don't like them but, I'm apparently obsessed with "having emotional tension build up")
So, imagine if one point in the past Reader had gotten drunk and Miguel was taking them home because a super drunk and clumsy Spider who can crawl up any surface with super strength could be a potential disaster (did yall know Miguel can lift TEN TONS, that's 20,000 pounds, uh, uh, uh, sir thats actually terrifying i think you could deadass One Punch Man, fucking, Doomfist punch an entire fucking skyscraper) and at some point you just kind of. It's a little earlier on in how you know him and imagine you just kind of very extremely sloppily come onto him, just kind of a "fuck it he's handsome and I'm drunk why not just go for it" moment
you kiss him on the lips, and he just totally freezes and, you know, despite him actually having some developing feelings for you, unhealthy obsessive feelings gradually increasing over time, he's not exactly at the Having Sex With You stage yet, or, perhaps he already is but, you're too drunk for him to be comfortable sleeping with you because He's A Good Catholic Boy And Your First Time Together Must Be Special or, he has to be more drunk too so it feels a little less uhhhhh dubcon-y (I also keep thinking about, as a separate concept separate from YouTwo stuff, what if you both got drunk to the point both of you kind of forget who you slept with last night until Miguel remembers but you don't and he's like "oh shit did I actually remember to use protection or was i too drunk and excited in the heat of the moment" and, oh hey wouldn't you know it, Reader just missed their period, when applicable obviously)
But anyways Miguel just gently rejects your advances and, actually is, emotionally vulnerable for a while, like he respects you enough to explain his reasoning and then some, telling you, hey, it's been kind of a long time since he's, you know, been with someone In That Way, he DID used to have a fiance who had been pregnant when she died, and after losing them both as a canon event, and then losing "them" a second time, his heart is just. Still healing after all this time. And I imagine Reader is embarrassed as fuck but also you're crying but it's actually a good crying because you're like "dude i think its so beautiful that you love them that much that they're still kept close to your heart after all this time" and it actually makes you love and respect him MORE, his strength, his devotion, and the two of you just sit there and talk until you eventually pass out and THIS is a huge moment that furthers his obsession with you because he gently set a boundary where he's technically rejecting you, denying you something you want, and you're basically like "dude that's so fucking badass of you, you're like the strongest man I know, sir its an honor working with a man like you"
For one, imagine the fucking pain if after that experience with you, he winds up eventually having his "first time" with YouTwo and you walk in on it and that like, completely breaks your heart because it's like. Wow fuck we've been coworkers and, weirdly defined not-dating-but-everyone-jokes-we're-married status for like maybe a year and a half even, and he just suddenly, in your perception, replaces you with some... cheap copy? What was wrong with you? What did they have that you don't? Why weren't you good enough 🥺 like I imagine at this plot point Reader is already SEVERELY depressed and you just find a man you, you like genuinely LOVE seemingly replacing you with someone who looks and sounds just like you but somehow YOU aren't good enough. Like. Bro it hurts you so fucking bad, part of me thinks you just go to your apartment and don't come out for like a straight week and that makes you feel even worse because YT is still running around fooling people and not everyone notices your absence so one comes to check on you and it furthers your mental illness that "no one cares about me" when that couldn't be farther from the truth
Absolutely torturing this man with the concept of, you guys never sleep together (yet) but YouTwo just kind of automatically assumes from The Vibes they get from the pair of you that SOMETHING must be going on and, during what I'll call the big confrontation, where YouTwo is cornering you with other Spiders who accuse you of being the fake and they're kicking you out, you weaponize that you know things THEY don't. You're standing there desperately trying to think of how to prove your innocence and you take one look at Miguel and the way he's absolutely glaring you down, almost looking at him in a sort of "wait, I want you to see this" kind of way before you look at YouTwo and fall into a character of your own "so how long have you been sleeping with my man? What, i warm him up for you and you steal my boyfriend?" Or something to that effect, and YouTwo is just kind of like, "oh PUH LEASE, Miguel and I have a much deeper relationship than just the physical, you have no right to talk like you know him" and they sidle up to him rather intimately and meanwhile Miguel's expression just DROPS. He looks to you while you stand there glitching out without your wristwatch and you're looking at him with the biggest saddest fucking boo boo eyes and you just kind of like, solemnly bow your head, "it was an honor working with you, sir" and he's just like OH F U C K, man is RUSHING, he scrambles to try and put his own watch on you but it's too late, there's not enough time, he reaches out to save you and your form disappears from this reality just as he's about to snap the cuff on your wrist
Like deadass it isn't your fault, but, you RE-TRAUMATIZE this man. His wife and unborn child, the replacement family, now YOU, and YOU were totally innocent and this was even more his fault than the first two things, like, he is one more major incident away from becoming an addict or a barely functioning alcoholic by the time you stumble back into his dimension by accident
I imagine he and the other betrayed Spiders deadass put scars on YouTwo's face and body so there can never be any mistaking who they are ever again and they're exiled back to their home dimension (and I mean if they kill themselves Miguel just kind of shrugs like "that was their choice" and also I wonder if that would break canon for that universe and kill everything in it or deadass there would just be another replacement Spider and suddenly everyone is like oh wow YouTwo was a fake anomaly all along)
But gooooodddddd, thinking of both Reader and Miguel after the return. Both of y'all are traumatized and you're basically scared of him now, it's hard for you to trust him or anyone else at all, meanwhile Miguel is DESPERATE to try and make things up to you while you're flinching when he reaches for you. I imagine the man starts being more openly affectionate with you. More hands on your shoulder, a pat on the head, he asks Lyla to watch you while he goes to refill his coffee and gives you a kiss on the temple on his way out, meanwhile Reader is just, you know, probably desperately needing therapy at this point, thinking "do I or don't I trust him", but also still having all of those happy memories with him and everyone else and you're just, even if you wanted to you're too physically weak from being lost in the multiverse for several months to really escape if you wanted to
Deadass think at this point the man would microchip you like a cat. Oh, so Miguel has to worry about fakes of his loved ones showing up now, as if he isnt dealing with 2099 other things right now? He'll show them! He'll microchip your ass so he can track you and confirm your identity at all times! Maybe he'll just microchip everyone! Or he'll put some sort of system feature in all the bracelets where they all have ID numbers and such so no one can pretend they aren't who they say they are! He's not mentally ill, he's just well intentioned, promise :)
While you're recovering from bouncing around all the different universes, healing any fractures or broken bones, overcoming any fevers or infections, he is INVOLVED in your care. He's constantly asking any doctors and medics for updates, and really, he's like a genius geneticist, would he actually be directly involved in administering any of your care? He doesn't like seeing other people give you shots or draw any blood because it hurts you so he insists on doing it. He creates a little nook in his office and on his brooding platform (almost typo'd that as breeding platform, but, I mean, it COULD be) so that he can keep his eyes on you once you've recovered enough to be let out of bed. Miguel just, finally getting an actual chair or bench and he's sitting watching all his monitors in the dark while you're in his lap and he's occasionally gently petting your hair. If he sees anything upsetting he just settles himself closer to your body and it brings him peace like no other and suddenly, yeah he just straight up is toxic codependent on you. He wants to protect and fawn and obsess over you and you're scared and vulnerable and start depending on him for protection again, like imagine if you're actually too scared to try running away because you just spent several months being catapulted between universes and you just need to rest, there's so much danger out there you didn't even comprehend before and, at least here with Miguel, it's safe for you, so, you accidentally kind of feed into all his problems
Could you even FUCKING IMAGINE if a THIRD YOU shows up and they might actually have distinguishing features from you that make it like impossible for you to be mixed up BUT STILL the second you see them you literally begin bawling your eyes out IMMEDIATELY and cling to Miguel, SHAKING, "please don't get rid of me please don't get rid of me please I don't have anywhere to go please please please" and like You3 could be the nicest person ever and not want to fuck up anything in any way and the whole ass Spider Society is just still like "nah fam you gotta go home, there's only room for one of you here" which is ironic coming from a a society where 70% of them are like the exact same person, like gee let me go fetch a coffee with Peter Parker and Peter B Parker and Peni Parker and Peter Porker and Peter Parkedcar like. You see what I mean?
Miguel and Reader sharing living quarters after your return and like, do you think he has a decent living space or do you think like nah he's living in a bachelor pad. He's actually the CEO of Alchemax in his universe so I assume he'd be like absolutely loaded, and he's in a futuristic cyberpunk dystopia so like, presumably he'd have a fully kitted-out penthouse apartment, and yeah while there IS room for you to have your own space and own bedroom, for sleeping, you're REQUIRED to be in the same room or bed as him. The entire place is bugged and wired and he has things meticulously organized so even if there were cameras he would know when you touch things or potentially snoop around. Oh, those papers on his desk were a few centimeters to the left before he went to the bathroom kinda attention to detail
And of course he eventually wants to take your relationship even further and finally be with and hold you, the real you, join his bodies with YOU and not some fake this time, and if it's not outright noncon, maybe you're so traumatized at this point you just decide "at least he thinks I'm me, at least someone still loves me enough like this, at least he's devoted to me even though he's totally crazy" and, you know, participating. He's murmuring all these praises and endearments and you're just so anxious and shy while his hands roam your body and he just totally worships you with lots of kisses and nuzzles and teasing little bites and you're holding onto him and are affectionate with him back, basically cuddling the entire time during sex, like man could have you folded into a mating press and you just, reach and intertwine your fingers and look up at him like 🥺 so insecure and scared because is he going to stop and leave if you mess up? What are you supposed to do? And he can sense your anxiety and gives you plenty of compliments and praise and encouragement while showering you with little smooches
You're lying there post-coitus and he's got his huge muscular arms caged around you as he tucks you into his chest, rubbing his hands over your back, telling you how amazing it was, how you did such a good job, and he basically fucks you the entire night until you can't take it anymore and are passing out in his bed while he's holding you, practically purring until both of you fall asleep as he idly wonders what your ring size is.
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blue-jisungs · 1 year
Text
exam szn
request. yes, this one from my 3k ask game. feel free to request but please read the rules beforehand :D also i hope you don’t mind i kind of turned into it academic rivals but technically it’s enemies too…. i didn’t have any other idea how to combine it :( i’m not really happy with how it came out as well ㅠㅠ i hope you like it tho!! <3
a/n. it’s actually crazy bc the day before i wrote this and got this ask i talked with @slytherinhobi about yj… then i got the ask… and then when i started writing it yj posted those pics on twt. it’s destiny frfr yeonjun ask me out already 🙄🙄
summary. when your academic rival witnessed your breakdown, neither of you expect such outcome
warnings. crying, reader is extremely stressed :(
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finals are never easy.
and they definitely aren’t easy when you also have a nosy boy on your head, bragging about how he’s better at you in anything.
“can you shut up for once?” you spit out, looking at yeonjun. his smirk widens as he shakes his head as a no “god, you’re worse than beomgyu”
you’re waiting for the examiner to let you into the class. it’s been a long week of exams, every day from a different subject. it’s friday which means it’s the last day but you can feel the stress and tiredness getting into you as you can’t even focus on anything. and the fact that you’re in the same room as yeonjun doesn’t help.
your rivalry started in first grade when you got the maximum on a test and he didn’t. and when the teacher praised you for it? yeah, that was the starting point. you have no idea why did he care so much, you just wanted to be left alone. but when yeonjun signalled that he’s not leaving you any time soon, it quickly escalated into competition.
the worst part was that you realised that you kind of, well… have a crush on him. it was stupid, you knew. but he wasn’t that bad. okay, towards you he was a complete asshole. but you saw the way he’s nice to his friends and how he cares about them. and - you had to admit - he is such a pretty boy–
“–are you deaf or something?”
you snapped your gaze towards him and his stupid smile.
“piss off” you huffed and entered the room upon seeing how you two are the only left. hmph. the teacher must have came earlier.
yeonjun watched you and he felt his heart ache. you seemed exhausted. he felt guilt sinking in his stomach because what if he’s the reason? it’s the finals and you’re stressed enough…
he shook his head and entered the classroom, sitting on his spot. the teacher started giving out the tests and yeonjun took a last glance at you and your shaking hands.
three hours, one headache and sweaty palms layer you stormed out of the classroom, heading to the nearest bathroom to let out the tears you’ve been holding for the past half an hour.
you felt awful. the questions weren’t that hard, sure, because you studied but even though you felt that you failed miserably. it was just too much.
you slammed the door and leaned over the sink, taking a shaky breath. you let out a harsh sob, the emotions that bottled up in the past week finally breaking out.
you didn’t even realise when the door from the bathroom opened. only when you heard this annoying voice… that was strangely soft, you looked up just to catch eye contact with him in the mirror.
“y/n…?”
you let out a shriek, jumping away from the sink. it was yeonjun. what is yeonjun doing in a ladies bathroom, first of all. and why–
“get out!” you sniffled, manically trying to wipe out the tears even though he’s literally standing here in front of you and is a witness of your mental breakdown.
“you do realise it’s the men’s bathroom, right? soobin told me he saw you. as much as he always talks shit i had to check out myself” he scoffed. you didn’t see how his expression softened though. the feeling of guilt from before returning to him because he was unfortunately right. it was awful to see you in a state like this and especially knowing that he was party a cause of it–
“sorry”
yeonjun looked at you, eyes widening. the tears didn’t stop streaming from your face as you took your bag and rushed to the exit.
he didn’t know what to do. yeonjun knew he can’t leave you like this, as much as you probably hate him. you need to be taken care of right now.
he stormed out of the bathroom and caught up to you. yeonjun gently grabbed your wrist, the sight of his worried gaze confusing you.
“leave me alone” you hissed, trying to wriggle out of his hold. he did not let go.
“i know you hate me but y/n, you’re not in the best–” he started as you punched his chest, tears dwelling in your eyes once again
“yes, indeed i hate you. who you are to tell in what mental condition am i?” you spit out and gave up, letting out a harsh sob. you stopped moving, looking down.
“i’m sorry. i’m an asshole, i know” yeonjun mumbled and was caught off guard when you suddenly hugged him tightly.
“i’m just so tired” you cried into his shirt, probably soaking it. his eyes widened but he quickly wrapped his arms around you feeling that you needed that hug.
“i know. but please don’t cry. please” yeonjun whispered into your hair, feeling his eyes water as well “you’ll be alright. i promise”
“no i won’t. the exam went horrible” you sobbed but your breath started getting more stable.
“i’m sure you did well. i really am. but let’s take care of you now, okay? you’re overworked” he said. you fell silent, the occasional shivers of your body letting him know that you’re calming down.
he wasn’t rushing you. and when you finally let go, he quickly wiped his eyes before you could notice.
“why do you act like that?” you asked and yeonjun let out a deep sigh, cupping your cheeks and wiping gently your smudged mascara with his fingers “you literally told me to eat dirt yesterday”
yeonjun tightened his lips, mind racing with million of thoughts.
“i can’t say it…” he sighed, removing his hands. he couldn’t possibly tell you that he may or may have not developed feelings towards you.
“coward” you scoff, wiping your cheeks and taking a deep breath “well… thank you. i guess. but now i’m gonna go”
“please don’t–” yeonjun said before he could realise those words left his mouth. you turned around and he cleared his throat. you looked at each other shocked.
he took a deep sigh and pulled you closer.
“i know it’s not the best time to say it since you’re still stressed about the exam. and i know my actions says otherwise but i… i like you. and i feel so bad knowing that i was the reason that got you so stressed out too” he confessed, looking for some kind of reaction on your face. he certainly did not expect you to cry though.
“don’t joke about it. is this a test or what? that’s just mean” you sniff, hiding your face in your hands.
“what? y/n, i’m not. it’s just… i didn’t intend on being mean it just… happened” he mumbled, causing you to scoff “but i really like you. and i’m sorry i just threw it on you like that– oof!”
you hugged him again, sobbing into his shirt.
“i liked you for so long it broke my heart that you acted this way towards me” you murmured and yeonjun’s heart sped up. what…?
he took a deep breath, trying to calm down. his mind tried hard to comprehend how you managed to like him despite his mean posture towards you but right now he knew you have to rest.
yeonjun slowly pulled you away, pressing a soft kiss onto your forehead.
“i’m sorry. but let’s go over to my place now, okay? you have to eat something” he smiled softly.
“can you– hold my hand though?” you whispered, yeonjun’s heart clenching with how adorable you are.
“of course” he hummed and grabbed your hand, caressing it with his thumb.
[ masterlist <3 ]
taglist. @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinhobi ,, @jung0ne ,, @ka-ni-ma ,, @iliveforlixie ,, @moonacholy
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