BREAKING POINT
PAIRINGS: Natasha Romanoff x autistic!reader
WORD COUNT: 1811
WARNINGS: fluff, angst, mentions of break ups, happy ending, R has autism, stressful moments, think that’s all :)
NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!
Nat’s footsteps seemed to be blocked from your ears, your mouths constant quivering being the only of the five senses that could work. You couldn’t stop picking the skin at your nails, causing blood to slowly arise from the flesh. And your fists continued to squeeze the sheets beneath you, but none of this seemed to register through your mind. No, the only recurring thought was the worry, the same worry you had been desperately trying to rid yourself of. After multiple months of therapy, psychiatry, medication, none of it worked. The only person who could help wasn’t you, it was the girl who chose you; your girlfriend.
She was your best friend, your keeper, and your lover. But she wasn’t here, not anymore. The large fight the two of you fell victim to seemed to cause your fall and the astronomical break-up. Nobody saw it coming, you two were a match made in heaven. But that didn’t seem to stop it from happening, and you found yourself desperately trying to fill the hole she left from only a week later. After the separation, Nat found herself arriving in the quinjet as she was forcibly given a mission with her heavy heart. She knew she could do it, but deep down she also knew she couldn’t; it felt like a constant battle between her sensibility and her idiotic nature.
But the entire time there was only one person on her mind: you. Not the enemies, not her teammates, not herself, but you. You always failed to leave her mind, even in times when it was not quite appropriate. She was determined to make it up to you some way or another, she knew she had to be with you again. She was hopeless without you, she didn’t know what to do with herself. But you always seemed to know, and that’s one thing she loved so dearly about you. Now that she was unable to sleep beside you, instead sleeping with the guilt of losing you, she felt lost.
“Y/N?” The voice startled you, your legs instinctively tightening against your chest for protection, your eyes only widening as you saw the woman you wished to see. But you were in her room, with her blankets, and the realization caused you to rush to your feet. You began fixing the bed but felt hands fall to your waist, causing your movements to falter before you quickly picked up from where you were.
“Y/N,” You sighed, and Nat’s frown deepened hearing the crack in your breath. She turned you effortlessly in her hold, her breathing turning ragged as she took in your expression. Your eyes were heavy from the tears and tiredness, your lip was bitten through and had dried drips of blood. Your smile was no longer visible, but she could see deep down how happy you were to be with her, you always failed to hide it.
“Look at me,” When you refused to complete her request, she spoke once more. “Please?” You sniffled before turning to look up at her, your eyes falling anywhere but in line with hers. That wasn’t unusual for you, but she still grew concerned.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” You shrugged your shoulders, feeling as though weights were holding them down. You brought your head to the side again, but she tilted it back with a warm smile. She couldn’t truly smile seeing your saddened look, but she tried for you.
“I don’t know.” You weakly spoke, tears beginning to return to your drying cheeks as you felt your body growing in size. Your entire being felt so heavy, yet you weren’t. You were a normal, healthy size, but you felt as though you weighed ten tons.
“Do you want to sit down? Yeah, just sit, baby, you’re okay.” The nickname sent shivers down your spine, but you were unable to react, only leaning your head against her arms that found your shoulders.
“You don’t need to talk just yet, just breathe with me.” She drew circles on your skin as you watched her lips, your gaze constantly changing but she continued to praise your willingness to follow her directions. Moments later she was sat next to you, and she could tell you were now calmer than before.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You shrugged once again, and she chuckled softly. Her lips pressed onto your forehead, and her hand played with your hair while the other drew shapes across your thigh.
“Is it about us?” You shrugged.
“Is it about someone else?” You shrugged.
“Is it about work?” You shrugged.
“I just- I don’t know how to explain it.” Those were the first real words she heard you speak, and hearing your voice brought more relief than she imagined.
“Well, give it a shot and I can see if I understand.” You looked down at your fidgeting hands, a smile threatening to creep across your face as hers laid on top of yours.
“I had this really good plan, everything was all written down and memorized and I- I would’ve done everything and I would’ve been okay and I wouldn’t even have to spend time thinking about something else because I would be so busy. But then my alarm didn’t go off and I woke up late and I just felt so tired. I wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep but I knew I couldn’t, but I didn’t have any energy to get up! And then I went to grab a bowl and- and the dishes weren’t even done like I asked and my favorite cereal was gone so I didn’t know what to eat because I always eat that. And then I had training but there was this constant like, I don’t know, buzzing sound that was like a bug or something and no one but me could hear it, I felt crazy. And Steve just kept talking and talking and then I just snapped and started yelling at him, but I didn’t mean to! And I just ran out and I came in here because your blankets are really soft and they feel nicer than mine and I like to play with them but I realized I can’t be in your room once you came in and I freaked out, I didn’t know what to do.” You released a deep breath when meeting the end of your rant, your posture failing to land straight as you forced yourself not to sob. You were so close, you could feel your throat beginning to tighten, but you didn’t want to in front of Nat, not now.
“You’re always welcome in here, love.” She paused. “Can I ask you something?” You nodded, finding yourself unable to speak.
“That ‘something else’ you were trying to get your mind off of, what was it?” You continued to show a lack of response, and she could tell you weren’t going to.
“Was it me?” A small nod came from you after what felt like ages of waiting. She sighed, biting her lip and cursing to herself.
“I’m sorry, I- I know it’s not your fault-“
“No, it is. I’m so sorry, love, I’ve been so stressed lately and I didn’t know how to let it out, one thing about the Red Room is that they don’t teach you how to handle things well unless it involves fists. But that’s no excuse, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you or have let it ruin our relationship. I want to work on this, but first I want to take care of you, is that okay?” You agreed hesitantly, and she soon got to work. She knew you were too weak to bathe, so she planned to help you when you were more energized after resting. She led you to lay down on her bed, putting the blankets over you and grabbing a sweatshirt of hers. She helped you put it on before handing you the stuffed animal you loved so dearly. You had it since when you were a child, and it seemed to be your comfort on lonely and sad nights.
“Is it okay if I lay next to you?”
“Yes, please.” She giggled at your politeness and allowed herself to follow her steps. She asked Jarvis to turn down all lights and shades to create a dim room for you, you always loved having that darkness. The light often hurt your eyes and caused headaches, so she did as much as possible to belittle that.
“How about this: tomorrow afternoon, when we finish eating and training and getting in some work, we’ll take some time to help you work on an easier and less stressful schedule, yeah? And maybe we can ask your therapist if she’s willing to see the both of us for a few sessions, so we can work on anything that’s affecting our relationship. And I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise.” She held out her pinky, causing you to instantly interlace yours with hers. She grinned, and you let your head rest on her shoulder as your arm went across her stomach. The plushie rested between you two as she left a kiss to its soft fur before kissing your lips in a slow, passionate manner.
“I’m sorry I can be a lot, Natty, I don’t mean to be.” Silence followed before the rustling of sheets was heard, causing you to lift your head while she looked down at you.
“You’re never too much for me, you’re just perfect.” You smiled softly in response.
“Nat?” She hummed, signaling for you to continue. “You’re perfect to me, too, you know.” Her lips turned upwards, and she felt her heartbeat rising as a blush ran to her face.
“I’m glad we can agree on that. Now go to bed, and when we wake up we can have a nice bath and maybe do some coloring?” It was more of a question than a statement, but she knew you’d say yes without a question.
“Can we also finish that documentary? Oh, and our puzzle! Or the Legos! And we can make cookies too, but they have to be chocolate chip.” She chuckled meaningfully, and her eyes began to close as her voice grew deeper as the tiredness from her mission began catching up to her.
“We can do whatever you want, sweetheart. Like I said, I’d do anything for you, even if it’s cookies and shows and puzzles and legos and coloring and baths.” She led on, causing your excitement to grow. You left a kiss on her cheek before bringing your body impossibly closer to her. Your warmth made her feel a sense of comfort that no one could describe as anything other than pure love.
“Sleep well, baby bear.”
“Sleep well, momma bear.”
—-
I would like to say before I receive any hate that I personally have autism myself and this is what I personally see as one of my struggles and I thought I’d write it
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I love your Remus works x autistic!reader. May I have some Dick Grayson x autistic!reader? It's so hard to find good content aifnsmdks 😞
Combined this with “Reader becoming non-verbal when she feels comfortable enough with Dick and knows she doesn't need to be so sociable. He thinks she's upset but it's actually the opposite.”
A night in with Dick had been the best idea for his night off of patrol.
You’re sure he’d gotten Damien to patrol in his stead and made a note to bake something for the boy as a thanks.
You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in almost a week due to you and him keeping opposite hours and now you’re just ready to lay in his lap and watch some movies.
“All ready baby?” Dick asks as he slides into bed with you, his hands vying for your hips and pulling you in his lap.
You nod and kiss his jaw before laying your head on his chest and watching him pick a movie.
“I really missed you this week, I’m sorry we kept just barely seeing each other.” He murmurs the words into your hair and if you’d had a little more energy you’d have returned the sentiment.
But you’re exhausted and you’re so comfortable with Dick that you hum and squeeze him a little tighter.
He doesn’t read your response as a good one and internally he starts panicking. He knows that his ‘job’ makes it hard for you to always have each other like this- in tender moments, but he didn’t think you’d get upset with him about it.
You’ve always been understanding, he reminds himself. Trying not to let the panic seize him wholly.
As the movie progresses you don’t add your usual commentary and when Dick tries to get up you only frown. Usually you’d tut and mutter something along the lines of, ‘hey I was comfortable’ or ‘you’re my pillow where are you going?’ But this time your eyes just widen when you catch the panic on his face.
“Are you upset with me?” Dick asks softly, trying not to start profusely apologizing already.
You shake your head. Dick frowns.
“Why aren’t you talking to me then? You can tell me if I’ve done something, honey. You know that right?”
Sitting up in his lap, you play with the waistband of his sleep pants and sigh. “I’m not upset with you, I guess I should’ve said before.”
The pause you take gives Dick all the time he needs to be fully panicking under you. “Said what baby? You’re sweating me.”
“I,” you stop again, this time he knows it’s just to choose your words. “Sometimes when I’m really comfortable around people, I don’t feel the need to talk as much and to be social. Like I just feel like it’s safe to just be quiet for long periods of time.”
Dick nods slowly, and then leans forward to kiss your forehead. “That’s okay then, pretty girl. You just worried me a little bit.”
You go bashful and lay yourself back on his chest. “Sorry, didn’t mean it.”
“I know that now. We can go back to silence sweetheart, just wanted to make sure we were okay.” His hand creeps under your shirt, tracing a multitude of patterns with his blunt fingernails.
“We’re okay.” You don’t say much else for the night, you and Dick just lay with each other soaking up the closeness you don’t know when you’ll get again.
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