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greenhappyseed · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 317: Thoughts & comparisons part 2 - THE OLD MAN AND THE KID

As mentioned in Part 1, I'm splitting my thoughts on Chapter 317 into 3 posts: this one about Deku and All Might (part 2), plus separate posts on the hero brain trust and the media (part 1) and the hero killer Stain (part 3).

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This part of the chapter was an emotional sucker punch and gave me strong "Gift of the Magi" vibes. All Might is trying to protect his boy by following him, and Deku is trying to protect his idol by saying goodbye. Unfortunately, there's no guarantee of safety for anyone right now, so their "gifts" of protection are unusable. All Might isn't safe whether All Might follows Deku or stays behind. Same for Deku -- his loved ones aren't safe whether he accepts their help or not. It's the harsh reality of what AFO does. The real thing that All Might and Deku need to focus on isn't giving each other the "gift" of safety, but on how strong their bond is.

The main stumbling block is that Deku STILL idolizes All Might (as All Might recognized a few chapters ago). As the adult, it was on All Might to speak up, but he didn't because he's scared to disappoint his boy. He already knows the pain of disappointing a fanboy, so this would take it to a whole new level. But if he really wants to keep Izuku in his life, he MUST risk it and tell the kid all the things he wishes someone had told him. As I wrote previously (between Ch 315-16) it's maddening because we know All Might is capable of having this kind of frank talk with Izuku -- he did it all the way back in Ch 2. All Might saw Izuku overworking himself and modified the workout plan to moderate Izuku's extreme behavior, which would have prevented Izuku from reaching his ultimate goal if left unchecked. So yeah, All Might knows better, and knows he can’t stand idly by while his kid makes a massive deadly mistake. When a child doesn’t have the capacity to help themselves and the consequences are serious, an adult HAS to step in and help ASAP. Talk to the kid, talk to the kid’s friends/teachers, talk to professionals. Keep going until your kid gets the help they need, because even if a parent/guardian can’t help directly, it’s their responsibility to find that help for their kid. Haven’t we learned anything from the lost children in the League of Villains?

Meanwhile, Deku doesn't see All Might as a human who loves Izuku Midoriya. I think, in part due to his being bullied and his innate tendency to not take himself into account, he sees All Might's devotion to him as part of a predecessor-successor relationship. Deku will struggle as long as he sees "All Might" as an ideal and not the human in front of him. (Admittedly, I thought the HPSC storyline might go here and disclose All Might’s awareness of some “grey” missions, causing Deku to look at his mentor through a different lens.) But even now, Deku is trying to have an "I AM HERE" moment so All Might is proud of his successor, but fails to realize All Might is ALREADY PROUD (in part because All Might hasn't vocalized it in a way that Deku can truly hear it). The "You don't look back at me anymore..." in context is immediately followed up by this glowing Dadmight moment:

It only becomes a sad moment in retrospect as All Might realizes (1) he didn't really tell Deku explicitly how proud he was often enough; and (2) the full weight of what it means to nurture a child towards independence (and that his boy is just like him, and is heading towards the same fate as him....)

While I definitely think Bakugo will knock some sense into Deku, I still think All Might is the only one that can truly “release” Deku from these burdens, especially the ones related to the “Symbol of Peace” and the Shimura family that are tied directly to All Might. We see this in Deku’s callbacks:

Nana in the vestige world sobbing over her mistake in giving up Kotaro, saying she and Gran Torino were wrong, and testing Deku’s resolve to save Shigaraki. Juxtaposed with Gran Torino saying, "I should have made the kill...sorry...don't be so rigid. Killing can be another way to save someone," and Shigaraki screaming in emotional pain, “I don’t care if you understand. That’s what makes us heroes and villains!” It’s not just AFO — it’s the weight of generations and broken families on Deku’s shoulders. It’s All Might’s failure to save Shigaraki earlier that has become Deku’s problem now.

Post-USJ Deku meeting with All Might, talking about the first time he used OFA without breaking himself, and All Might pressuring Deku to become the Symbol of Peace. Even though All Might no longer feels that way, and SO MUCH has happened since then, he never clearly said so to Deku, and Deku keeps that weight on himself. The past never dies.

Deku is overwhelmed and destined for a poor decision that will hurt someone or himself, which would definitely play into the media's (and AFO's) hands. First, note the flashback inception with Deku recalling the post-USJ All Might meeting, which itself contains a flashback to Thirteen lecturing about how uncontrolled quirks can kill.

Second, the image of the defeated assassin is downright ominous, with the way All Might is shown above Deku's shoulder like a conscience [Edit: see @codenamesazanka's post here for a Spinner parallel!!] and the way the villain is tied up with his head hanging back, mouth open, eyes rolled back…. Deku and All Might are in shadow, and the villain is in the light…. no real attempt to talk to or understand the villain, just what he knows of AFO……SO MUCH POWER in a volatile teenager with too much responsibility and too few physical and emotional reserves. This won't end well.

Ok, time to bring the real Dadmight pain. All Might dives to save Midoriya and falls. The only other time he’s fallen flat on the ground like that is when he dove to save the random lady during the Cider House incident (which we got in the anime last week). In that fight, All Might needed a guardian gremlin to save him from falling debris. Hopefully that means he’ll go to UA and find young Bakugo soon, and he won't do something dumb and sacrificial in the meantime. WHO SAVES THE (EX-) HEROES?

All Might is a genuinely good person with good intentions, and he drove himself into the ground to help others, but he’s NOT a god. He’s not infallible or omniscient. He has tunnel vision from pursing the same mission from age 14 to, uh, 50-something, and is learning how to function as a "normal" adult. He never asked for help before, and in fact, considered it shameful (even in Kamino). He needs to follow the advice he was going to give to Deku, and reach out to others to save his little boy and himself. He’s still very much capable of inspiring others, even if he needs to rest sometimes. And with that, we cut to Stain, an extremist who believes in self-sacrifice and idolizes prime All Might. Cue Part 3...

A few other points:

Nobody in this arc (including Deku) seems to be using All Might as a resource based on his decades of experience with the media OR with AFO, and it really bothers me. Why is All Might excluded from the brain trust? They’re acting like All Might is useless because he’s quirkless and no longer a ranked hero, but he's still got his brain and his memories. Are Endeavor, Hawks, and Mt Lady really going to chat with Edgeshot and sort it all out??? Will Jeanist's fiber puns stop AFO??? Ugh. This is why hero society as we know it needs to be radically reworked; these top heroes are misusing resources and NOT TALKING to people who might actually have useful info. Does a "hero" need to wear a costume or hold a license to use their brain?

Will anyone tell Inko???? I posted before about this chapter's reference to All Might promising her that he’ll keep Deku safe. But she generally only appears after Deku gets a big advancement of some sort, so I don't know if she'll pop up soon...although I feel like she might need to? (E.g., my pet theory is that we only get her note in the hospital after the forest raid because Deku saved Kota but failed to save Bakugo.) Who else has "lifted up" All Might except Izuku, Inko, and Aizawa -- and Aizawa is probably not in a place to do heavy emotional labor right now???

Others have noted the outreached hand parallels (PAIN!) so I won’t belabor that. BUT look at All Might’s hand, how it is first outstretched and then starting to curl as he realizes he can’t reach Deku in time. Also, how small and frail All Might's hand looks as it curls up. He's normally drawn with huge hands (as big as Deku’s head) so to see his hands look equal in size to Deku’s shows Deku’s growth. Also, contrast this set of hands moving apart with how we saw hands moving together at Kamino, where All Might’s fighting inspired fearlessness. Hopefully All Might can “fight” here too, and inspire the next generation to to amazing things.

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ultimatebethylficlist · 3 years

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Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82 started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so.

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

#bethyl fanfiction #veteran author of the month

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realisaonum · 3 years

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book meme

thank you, jen @det395 !! i feel like this meme got away from me a bit, but no shame! i love talking about books and writing so onward ~under the cut~

1- how many books are too many books in a series?

mhmmmmm i guess it depends on the objective of the series, right? is the plan to have x number of books in the series and if so, when we finally get to the end will it be satisfying considering all the books we’ve read leading up to it? OR is the objective of the premise / characters just to exist doing whatever? both can be done well. i would say a lot rides on how much i trust the author.

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

so this is meant for cliffhangers in a series like between books? i don’t really care if there’s a cliffhanger as long as i have the next book sitting right next to me. otherwise uh, only if the wait between books is tolerable, because at that point you need to know that the author can clear this mess up, right? there’s this other thing, like you know how if the entire series was already written, then they might release the books a month apart or a quarter apart - that could be alright too. but years in between? not especially a fan. is anyone a fan?

3- hardback or paperback?

jen, you and me are complete opposites here. paperbacks stress me out. i will go out of my way to buy a used hardcover if given the choice. of course, there are some publications i don’t mind in paperback —thinking poetry and super indie books that don’t have a hardcover release OR books where the spines are thin enough they won’t break and i won’t be holding them long enough for them to wear. hardcovers are sturdy and i don’t have to worry i’ll accidentally bend the cover in some damaging way. I am invested in keeping my books nice to the point that i create covers for my books out of kraft paper or brown grocery bags while i am reading them. this is something i started when i was in college and didn’t want these books i was hoping to probably resell get thrashed coming in and out of my bag for all these classes. My home library is probs more half and half paperback/hardcover but if given a choice usually it’s hardcover.

4- least favourite book?

i think it’s good to at least attempt to meet a book on its level. there are lots of books i didn’t like, but i wasn’t meeting them on their level and i know that so we’re ignoring those. i do however have a shelf on my goodreads dedicated to books that i have beef with so i’ll just go off on two of them.....

tana french’s the likeness for being plagiaristic shit. it is essentially poorly concealed alternate universe OC insert fic of the secret history. you’ve got french’s dublin murder squad folks and then this group they are investigating who bear a STRIKING resemblance to the greek students in tsh 🤔. this would be one thing. it is pretty well acknowledged that nothing is original and there are enough changes to The Likeness that MAYBE i could let it slide if not for this other thing: french’s book, the likeness, has lines that are just basically reworded quotes from the secret history and french positions these lines so they are said by the counterpart (essentially same!) character that gave them original life in tsh. i cannot stress this enough: you can HEAR how similar the sentences are and their core intent is always the same. it’s thinly veiled theft! it astounds me that French hasn’t been sued frankly. it is one thing to want to capture some of the genius that tartt’s debut novel holds, but it is completely lazy and disgusting theft to go about it in the way French did with this book. and YES the secret history was published before french’s book. if i could stomach how fucking goddamn boring the likeness was to read it a second time and cite every one of these offenses i would, but that’s yet a third strike against it—it’s too boring to be worth it.

T. Kingfisher’s second book of the Clocktuar War duology : The Wonder Engine. this is a book that i feel violated the contract between writer and reader. the first book feels almost like a YA book. the stakes while described as very high are treated, as actions unfold, as very low. nothing truly irreparable happens until the climax of the second book and the fallout of that action is so off-tone of everything that came before i felt deeply betrayed. no, like, completely betrayed as in it ruined the rest of my afternoon, i am still viscerally angry eight months later, and i will never trust this author again. sure, maybe none of those actions that led to the climax were out-of-character, but there was nothing NOTHING in the proceeding action that even came close to that level of consequence. it’s a pity because right up till that point i was having a really good time. the entire vibe of the rising action to the climax of book one all the way through the rising action of book two was just a quippy fun version of roadtrip/quest - it felt like a comfort read. the abrupt tone shift had all the subtlety of dropping a graphically, brutal murder into Blue’s Clues. you don’t do that - this is a basic tenet of a writer / reader relationship. i’m not touching this bitch’s shit again.

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

not so much. i like jen before me will scream ‘just be poly.’ love triangles that lead into poly relationships? yes, awesome will be glad i read. but i am at a stage in my life where your standard will-they-won’t-they-love-triangle is just fucking pointlessly frustrating to me. an example: i read a Nic Stone’s book Odd One Out a couple years ago and something about the synopsis or the hype made me think that it would resolve the love triangle that way, so when that did not happen i was incredibly frustrated and immediately wanted to resell the book. it’s the potential of the thing. stone’s book could have been the perfect vehicle for opening up the concept of polyamory to a ya audience but instead just really squandered that potential with weak floundering — in my opinion!

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

uhhhhh i’ve got two and i’m not sure i’ve entirely given up quite yet buuuuuuuut

fucking dune. i got really pissed off with this book. So just…setting aside the whole vaguing at a pedophilically inclined queer coded villain - it’s done so poorly, that it's almost funny? like it doesn’t (as of half way through) actually have any consequence on…anything at all and is tacked on like an afterthought to the end of his scenes. honestly it all could just be cut out entirely with no recourse to the larger story. So my actual beef with this book is the pacing is ATROCIOUS. like yo, not only do you expect me to give a shit about these Atreides cunts, when we just met them and we spend the same amount of time with them IF NOT MORE with the antagonist? but you also expect me to believe Paul was able to just convince the leader of the Arrakis people —the leader of an entire planet!!— with a single fucking sentence??? yeah, not so much. it was not set up for me to believe that Paul could do that! maybe if Kynes hadn’t died immediately after—or at least not died at that moment? baring the fact I thought he was by far the most interesting character, IF he had been convinced by Paul in that scene, it would have been great to see some actual work done around that - with a transfer or a liaise of power between Kynes and Paul and the Fremen. By not having any substantive scene that does it - it begs the question of what the fuck was the point of the character in the first place? unplumbed potential!!! over all there seem to be some key scenes missing to get the reader to where the narrative expects us to be? but the choices made of the characters we spend time with and the moments we see with them, the benefit to the larger story…is not always there. hey herbert, these words you have written aren’t doing what you want them to?? i feel like i should finish it but i reaaaaallly don’t want to :) the only thing i can say is it looks like from the trailer, villeneueve is giving space to these moments so that the viewer can foster a genuine connection with the characters? radical concept.

our lady of perpetual hunger - i started this one optimistically bc i like chef memoirs, but i am at the point where she has just given birth to her son and honestly DON’T CARE. i still haven’t officially given up on it yet since i actually fucking bought it like a dope. i certainly would not have if i knew how much NOT about working the line this was gonna be

7- book you are currently reading

Aside from the failures mentioned above, I am working on the second book in B. Catling’s Vorrh trilogy, The Erstwhile. Also very close to finally finishing Iain Sinclair’s The Last London - there’s a review of his work from the LA Times that goes “One of Sinclair’s greatest skills has always been his ability to take diverse if not chaotic source material and refashion it in a way that sometimes seems downright alchemical” which captures some of the wonder I experience when reading his work. His style and how he creates atmosphere and setting is just unique and astounding.

8- last book you recommended to someone

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Before that I told my brother to read Eat a Peach, as we both love Anthony Bourdain and David Chang talks about him a bit here, plus it’s just a fucking great book. any book that gives insight into Chang’s methodology and paradigm is worth a shot.

9- oldest book you read

I think it might have to be Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (which apparently according to wiki premiered on the stage a whole four months before Hamlet so that’s what we’re going with) and if plays don’t count, I don’t care. I think they count and that’s what we’re going with.

10- the most recent book you read ?

Given the previous question, the most recently published book, right? It’s gotta be the one I just finished: The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic - Revised and Expanded edt., which like just came out this summer. I watched Jessica Hopper’s promo zoom, curtesy of my local indie bookstore, and went ahead and bought it. This was a great decision! It was just what I needed to read these last couple of weeks. i love there’s lots of short pieces that made the read quick and the fact that it’s non-fiction so there was no pressure of a plot or the emotional weight of character investment when I had a lot of big stressors dragging me down irl -it was such a relief. Hopper’s criticism is fun to read and there’s some real art in her appreciation of music here.

11- favourite author?

These are the top in a kind of order but not really: Donna Tartt, Jeff VanderMeer, Megan Whalen Turner, Flannery O’Conner, Chuck Palahniuk, Anthony Bourdain

Other faves very much worth mentioning: Emily O’Neill, Richard Siken, Brandon Sanderson, Warren Ellis, Nathan Englander, Stephen King, Eddie Huang, Carl Hiaassen, Anne Carson, and Iain Sinclair.

12- buying books or borrowing books?

Depends on if my library has it, of course! I nearly always see if my library has a copy first if i have never read it or the author before. If i’ve read the book before or trust the author, I’ll buy it. Like I’ll straight out buy new stuff from Jeff VanderMeer even though with him it’s either this-hits-exactly-and-is-my-new-fave or i-really-disliked-this-but-admire-the-boundaries-you’re-pushing-my-dude - so it’s always a gamble but a worthy one.

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

a little life (just bc it's torture porn elevated to art doesn’t negate the fact that it’s torture porn. Yanagihara’s project here is repugnant and the fact that this book is lauded as moving lgbt fiction makes my skin crawl)

sharp objects (good writing, compelling story, BUT typographical scarification doesn't work like that - i am not going to get into it but i know from first hand experience how Flynn described it is not accurate)

nesbø’s the snowman (what kinda dumbass detective would think THAT when a woman finds her missing father’s corpse? absolute idiocy - so obviously reverse engineered with that end in mind)

the raven cycle (fuck ronan lynch to start and then fuck him to end as well - there’s some other stuff but mostly he’s a total CUNT and if i don’t say that once a day i have probably died)

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

Bookmarks and sticky notes. Then I can place it pointing directly to the paragraph I last stopped on.

15- The book you can always reread?

This is my question because I reread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Books I reread often: The Secret History, Medium Raw (especially chapter 17 The Fury), Crooked Kingdom, The Violent Bear It Away, and The Goldfinch. Every year like clockwork (since it came out apparently) I will reread Stephen King’s The Outsider.

Other books I feel the urge to reread: VanderMeer’s Acceptance, Englander’s Dinner at the Center of the Earth, Frazier’s Nightwoods, Fresh Off the Boat, the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, the Peter Grant Series (which is queued up for another go here soon I think), any of the stories from A Good Man is Hard to Find, Sanderson’s Wax and Wayne Mistborn books, simon vs the homosapiens’ agenda, and there are two of Alan Morinis’ books on Mussar that I am technically always revisiting—when i need a reminder, i’ll jump around and read specific sections to get centered again.

16- can you read while listening to music?

Yes, but only ambient or near ambient (only usually one track on repeat) or a soundtrack I am extremely familiar with. No new music. I do usually need some audio stimulation or my mind will wander terribly.

17- one POV or multi POV?

Multi pov can certainly be done well (looking at the soc duaology and VanderMeer’s Acceptance) but working a multi-pov means there are more plates spinning, it’s more of a challenge, and some authors pull it off better than others.

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

I don’t really do this anymore. that might have something to do with me picking up thicker books? but also i have a full time job now and let’s be real the book has to be hella good if i don’t want to put it down. the last book i attempted to shotgun was the final installment of my favorite series and it still took me two days so....i can get through a lot of books but none of them are ever in one sitting anymore.

19- who to tag:

@sybilius @mouth-rainboy @iwonderifthatisart @phereinnike @magnificentmoose @wambsgangs @moriarteaparty and anyone else if you feel so inclined!

Bonus Question: What’s on your to-read shelf?

As for me, I am excited about one i just picked up, Danforth’s Plain Bad Heroines, which i might start tomorrow and I will be taking Paul Madonna’s Come to Light on my trip to see my brother this coming weekend.

#this took a while but was fun #thanks again jen #very excited to read other folks responses #also like a general content warning? i mention/refer to things in the books but nothing's unpacked here #still to be cautious reference to mature themes #the narrator feeling posthumous

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hanadolphieron · 3 years

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loona when jealous~

*based on astrology

a/n- i put this in order of most to least likely to become jealous/whose jealousy is the worst :)

son hyejoo;

hyejoo is such a scorpio and i am scared to go into this but here we go

her scorpio mercury conjunct her venus can make her mind prone to seeing disloyalty in situations when it isn’t even there

this can cause some trust issues, but if hyejoo uses her talent of speaking about emotions from her libra moon, these issues can be resolved

wants her s/o to talk to her!

and reassure her!

about these things

begins to become more light-hearted with her jealousy, instead of keeping it to herself and fuming over it while listening to angsty songs

it can come up randomly though

her aquarius mars is prone to becoming irritated by misunderstandings or injustices

which can relate to jealousy through hyejoo feeling as if her s/o is not understanding her feelings and is disregarding them

may have trouble coming to terms with the fact that she is an individual, and her feelings will never be truly related to or understood :(

which makes her sad, but she does find originality attractive?

send help

jealousy is just something she’s going to have to deal with throughout her life

jo haseul;

please don’t ever make haseul jealous

she will be dramatic, no doubt about it

knows how to step back from problems and see them from other’s perspectives easily, but envy can cloud her vision

most jealous of friends, people who she doesn’t know that hit on her s/o don’t bother her too much

haseul feels so proud of herself because she knows she has you all to herself

but with friends she can begin to get insecure

but her libra venus makes her keen to become friends with the people her s/o knows

depends on her mood and how her day has gone

wants an apology and milks a crunchy bunch of hugs out of you

will tell stories about when she was jealous over you as funny memories

in the end, she’s not too bothered by it

especially if your relationship has been stable and is long-term

but in the beginning she could feel as if you’re not committing (she’s likely not completely committed either tho)

loyalty is required, but is a big step for haseul and any of her potential partners

jeon heejin;

scorpio mercurians are more likely to perceive situations with feelings of jealousy or envy

they could project their own fears into what they see, and bend the truth a bit

and most of the time? it’s not even in their favor, they will see the worst of a situation before anyone else

but! heejin is a libra, and places beauty and good over everything else

so, in a circumstance where her s/o is causing her to feel jealous or possessive, she will hold back her feelings slightly and try to see the light in the situation

heejin will inevitably envy a person if her s/o’s attention is focused mainly of them at some point

but she will address these feelings in a civilized way

talks to her s/o about it, and makes sure they’re not in any way feeling pressured or accused

wants to know if her s/o was aware of how heejin was feeling or didn’t even notice before she continues on with her interrogation

really, heejin just wants an apology

unless her s/o noticed her jealousy and didn’t make any attempt at changing their actions to make her feel better

then, well, heejin won’t be too happy

but you know scorpio venusians, they love it when their partner “sacrifices” something for them and shows their loyalty

kim hyunjin;

hyunjin is more mentally strong in terms of jealousy compared to most other scorpios

her capricorn venus keeps her cancer moon in check, and helps to make her emotions seem more mature and educated

adapts to her partner’s personality easily, and understands if they are a touchy, more affectionate type

won’t restrict their freedom, it’s the last thing she would ever want to do

capricorn venusians take pride in how well they take care of their lovers, so hyunjin would never feel the need to impose accusations of disloyalty upon her s/o

the only reason she would feel jealous is if her s/o was letting someone else protect/take care of them

hyunjin wants to be the only one who does that

will steal her s/o away from that person, and try to show her partner how much she cares and adores them

so wholesome even when she’s hurt i can not

her cancer moon heightens her need to protect

so just let her, don’t try to make others do things for you, hyunjin will happily bake you bread or something or whatever else you need

im yeojin;

i get the vibe that yeojin doesn’t get jealous too easily

well, maybe she does, but just keeps it to herself

distances herself from the situation and her feelings in order to stay grounded

which sounds counterproductive but she makes it work in some magical way

this can make her feel detached from feelings that she needs to confront, however, and can create resentment and grudges without her realizing

it will most likely be her s/o that brings it up, after seeing yeojin be so detached and zoned out for such a long time

yeojin will have been thinking about her feelings regarding envy for a while, which creates the zoning out/distanced vibe

honestly has no idea how to deal with it

her s/o will have to like walk her through jealousy

talking about problems does help yeojin work through them though, and will come to lots of conclusions during the conversation

enjoys learning and maturing through her emotions too

so it’s a win-win

fixes the problem immediately, either works through jealous thoughts or removes the situation that is making her have them

jung jinsoul;

poor baby gets so upset over this

jinsoul’s biggest dream is to have a completely secure relationship

cancer venusians have a tendency to hoard their lover and never let anyone else receive attention from them

they do hold back sometimes though, and keep their feelings to themselves in order to not be hurt by the opinions and reactions of their significant other

jinsoul just wants a loyal s/o who won’t intentionally make her jealous just to mess with her

would feel so betrayed by the “make your s/o jealous and see what they do” trope

although might be prone to at least attempting it on her s/o

she loves the feeling of being wanted

will give up half-way through though, and demand hugs

she just wants cuddles that’s it

a little bit of angst is a favorite of her’s though, and she honestly wouldn’t be too bothered by feelings of jealousy

just as long as they’re not consistent or a major issue

however, she might tend to fall for people that prey on her caring nature and jealousy could be a theme in her love life

she has to learn to step back, stop blaming herself, and find people who are as sincere and loving as her

ha sooyoung;

sooyoung isn’t affected by jealousy as much as her members (cough cough the scorpios cough cough)

is most likely not even going to notice if her s/o is acting more affectionate to others

like you could try and try to make her jealous to see her reaction but like

she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing

her pride is hurt if her s/o does try to do that though, so please don’t attempt that

venus opposition moon can cause unrest in terms of emotions related to love, so jealousy in a relationship would mess up sooyoung’s mind

she would feel uncomfortable and get “bad vibes” from the other person

needs clear communication and not body language/facial expressions used to convey feelings

sooyoung loves people with strong opinions to debate over, and would not be impressed if her s/o didn’t make a stand if someone was hitting on them

doesn’t want the whole watersign-esque way of showing loyalty and stuff

would much rather have their s/o laugh it off, with a little explanation of like “uh i have a girlfriend”

but she wants others to know her s/o is dating her, and is not available

someone hitting on her s/o is like one of two things that make yves jealous

the other being her s/o spending a bunch of time with someone else that isn’t a close friend/family member

park chaewon;

is more protective than jealous, but she has her moments

can subconsciously hurt her own feelings because she focuses on all the tiny details of a situation and observes every movement of you or the person she is jealous of

avoids talking about feelings that are uncomfortable or she thinks you won’t accept

so consequently squishes her jealousy into a tiny ball and tries to throw it away

but it’ll come up at some point

and when it does, it won’t be too bad too be honest

gowon will probably end up confronting you after her virgo moon blows a situation out of proportion while still focusing on all the details

and explodes for like two seconds

then recovers extremely fast and sits there like ?? why was i so mad

hopes you forget the whole situation

and jealousy most likely won’t come up again, now that she got it all out

and guilt will override it

doesn’t remember it after a while, but her mind keeps her thoughts away from jealousy now that a bad experience is tied to it

but before she blows up, her jealousy could be almost like a night terror, she thinks about it constantly and it haunts her for a few days

but as i said, once she lets it out, she’ll be fine

wong gaahei;

naturally, gaahei isn’t that jealous

however, romantic relationships is where her envy comes out the most, due to her scorpio venus

these sorts of situations only happen after you’ve been together for a long time

at first, vivi isn’t too protective and doesn’t want to scare you

observes how you react if she starts to be more protective and possessive

then acts accordingly

although she’ll probably get jealous at some point no matter what

if you’re the type of person who isn’t bothered much by your s/o being overly loyal and attached, then vivi feels more comfortable expressing her feelings in the envy department

gets annoyed at too much unnecessary physical contact

keeps her feelings hidden until she has you alone

doesn’t want to be embarrassed by making a huge scenes (although the daggers in her eyes aren’t helping her attempt at hiding her emotions

talks to you afterward and can be a bit critical ):

but as long as you y’know, do the apologizing thingo and show your loyalty (this sounds real toxic but i promise it’s not, vivi just wants to be overdramatic, such a hopeless romantic)

kim jungeun;

jungeun tends to lose herself inside her head when she experiences feelings of jealousy

her pisces venus in relation to her aquarius sun can make her love style separate from her identity

this means serious insecurity that she doesn’t even notice can squeeze into her relationships and make her seem insincere at times

then, her sagittaiurs moon immediately tells her to run away for fear of being in a situation that traps her and that she can’t escape from

feelings of intensity and revenge scare her

envy is a controversial topic in her eyes and she tries to avoid it at all costs

however, she also has a scorpio mars

so whenever she lets the jealousy in, it blows up since she’s been repressing it for so long

like i mentioned earlier, jungeun will lose herself in her mind and let her emotions take the reins

this can cause serious damage to her lover and leave them feeling incredibly and untrustworthy

like jungeun will make them question their entire existence for a few hours/days

then she’ll be back, thinking “what the heck did i just do”

choi yerim;

the least jealous out of the twelve

her mars opposes her sun, (sagittarius and gemini,) which creates a struggle between anger and ego

her “triggers” are different than her personality in a way, and unless she was already in a bad mood, jealousy isn’t an emotion she would feel often

however, her gemini sun can make her flip a switch within a few seconds, so changing to a more irritable mood could be easy

but, she doesn’t want to be in a bad mood obviously, so she stays away from hard feelings and almost runs from them

she has a lot of mutable energy in her personal planets, which can cause choerry to look for her s/o’s reaction before acting on her feelings

unless her s/o looks uncomfortable by physical affection/time spent with another person, yerim won’t do much

she’ll stand back and let things happen

might bring up envy at some point, but only in a casual confrontation

her taurus mercury doesn’t like to be challenged, but unless she has a serious reason to bring up conflict she will keep it to the side

laughs about it if she talks to her s/o about it, doesn’t want to make it into a deep situation, just wants some clarification

kim jiwoo;

barely gets jealous, is more protective than anything

will just be confused by situations where she feels jealous, chuu might not even recognize what emotion she’s feeling

talks to her s/o about it though

doesn’t make a huge deal of the whole situation

just wants a small explanation

her capricorn mars can cause her pride to be hurt at some point in time

for example, if her s/o is making her jealous and she realizes how disloyal her s/o is being

she’ll tell them, and that’ll be the end of it

but, if they don’t listen to her, chuu will be really mad

might give the silent treatment

will legit scold her s/o like a parent

might never get over it, capricorn marsians tend to hold onto feelings of grief or betrayal for a long time because they feel as if they could have handled the situation better

it’ll be one of those experiences that chuu slams her pillow into her head over at 2 a.m. because she just remembered it

finds anger to be embarrassing at times? if her s/o isn’t in the same head-space/mood and doesn’t understand her

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Strings”

Happy Saturday, RWBY friends! I am, quite obviously, going to dive into the recap in just a moment, but first I wanted to take a short detour to discuss the elephant in the tumblr room. Namely, Supernatural.

For those of you out of the loop, the tl;dr is that a fifteen year, beloved show ended with a truly horrendous finale. Specifically, the finale rejected everything that the show had been building towards: the logical conclusion to character arcs, the theme that “family don’t end in blood,” the potential for a queer romantic relationship… I could go on. The point I want to make is that the fandom had every reason to believe we’d be getting these things. This isn’t a case of fans upset that the finale didn’t go the way they wanted as an individual viewer, but rather that the finale didn’t go the way the show clearly and explicitly said it would. It’s not an exaggeration to say that in many respects, viewers were straight up lied to.

(I recommend reading the reviews.)

What does this all have to do with RWBY? Well, I can’t help but think that history is repeating itself. Certainly there are some notable similarities between the two series. Both have long, meandering plotlines with no clear end in sight (though I hope RWBY doesn’t reach the 15 Volume mark…). Both began with a small, core cast, but quickly expanded—generating the expectation that these now equally important characters will be given their due. Both have moved from the small conflict of fighting everyday monsters to a god-based mythology. Both have a popular queer relationship dangled in front of the viewers, featuring scenes where they’re “obviously” in love… but will it ever be confirmed? Both have a fanbase that says loudly and confidently that the writers know what they’re doing. Just wait! It’s all been planned! We’ll be rewarded for our patience and soon all the naysayers will be proven wrong.

Thing is, the Supernatural fandom wasn’t rewarded. Right up until a week ago those fans—myself included—had faith that the writers knew what they were doing because they can’t really be that out of touch with their own story...right? It’s not possible. Yet they were, it was, and now that I’ve gotten solid proof of precisely how far a show can go to reject its own logic, themes, and premise, that just makes me more wary of RWBY’s mistakes. Before I had a solid faith that things couldn’t possibly get that bad, that no matter how much RWBY might be messing up in the short term, it will undoubtedly pull it together overall, because what show wouldn’t? Especially a show with such promise and, at times, wonderful storytelling. Well, Supernatural didn’t manage it and frankly I’m not sure what to do with that information.

Seriously. I don’t have any grand conclusion here. It’s not my intention to suggest that anyone should stop watching RWBY, or to claim that it will absolutely fail because Supernatural did. Obviously, we don’t know what will happen until we get to see it in the show. I only want to acknowledge these parallels and the similar journey I see both fanbases on. I can’t help but wonder if, a couple years from now, RWBY fans will be making incredibly optimistic posts about how it’s all coming together, just have some faith, everyone who says that the group won’t get a satisfying ending, or Blake and Yang won’t be confirmed are just mean trolls… only to wake up that Saturday morning and get another metaphorical slap in the face.

It’s something to think about.

But here I’ve spent a page talking about the wrong show. Let’s get into the episode!

We open on a black screen with lots of ambiguous noises. At first I thought this was Oscar struggling in the Hound’s grip or something, but then I remembered that RWBY likes to insert an episode between cliffhangers. I watched Ironwood (presumably) shoot a guy and he only came back this week (though that question still isn’t answered. At this point I kind of wonder if it will be). Oscar was kidnapped last week, which means we won’t get to see him until next week. Or… two weeks from now? RT skips the week of Thanksgiving, don’t they? Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Something horrible happens to Oscar and we need to wait two weeks to find out how it’s resolved.

Watch him escape the Hound off screen and return to the group with a new outfit 😂

So it’s not Oscar we hear, but Ruby, the last one coming out of the tube. Weiss is in the process of pulling Nora’s ear for that stunt… with a frankly strange looking hand. What’s up with RWBY animating weird hands lately? I’m pretty sure that’s not how anatomy works.

Anyway, Nora counters that this was a “Once in a lifetime experience,” but they were all going to go through the tubes regardless. Weiss isn’t pissed that you sent her through, she’s pissed that you did it unexpectedly when she was alone, heading into enemy territory. But of course, there’s no one in the room to hinder them, so the mistake is meaningless.

We’re setting the tone again though. For the first half of this episode everything is sunshine and giddy adventure, which doesn’t fit the situation at all. It also creates emotional whiplash when I’m suddenly supposed to be super worried about things later on. This sort of about-face works once in a blue moon, as an emotional punch, like we see in Mulan:

But RWBY does it every other episode, which makes the overall tone of the series confusing instead. Half the time RWBY feels like two different stories—the cartoony tale of girls going on fun adventures, and the traumatic tale of a fantasy war—that have been badly spliced together.

“Alight, Robo-Girl, which way?” May asks and Penny demonstrates why she’s the best for sneaking into a facility. She’s able to map out the whole place, including seeing where everyone is so they can avoid detection. Kudos to RT for going this route. I was worried that they would have Ruby and the others straight up attacking Atlas grunts, knocking them out/potentially even killing them because who cares, right? They’re the bad guys! So I’m glad they’re working to get in and out undetected. Granted, we see in some places that they’re clearly willing to fight the soldiers if it comes to that—they’re reaching for their weapons when Penny opens the final door, expecting the room to be full of people. They were going to attack—but at least they’re trying to lessen that conflict as much as possible. That’s the sort of choice I expect to see from heroes and I’m glad we got it here.

After scouting the area Penny corrects May: “And my name is Penny,” to which Ruby gives a satisfied “Heh.” I’ve got no problem with Penny rejecting nicknames, even potentially well-meaning ones, because she’s always struggled with her status as a real girl and her name is her own. She gets to decide what others call her. I do, however, have a problem with making the presumed trans character the one who is corrected. Granted yes, we haven’t gotten confirmation in the show that May is trans, but RT doesn’t get to cash in on that rep without likewise suffering the consequences for how the character is treated. You’re telling me that a trans woman is going to roll her eyes when someone asks her to use a specific name? Please give May flaws, yes, she’s a person, but out of all the millions of flaws across the human spectrum, this is the one we’re shown?

Not to mention Ruby’s continued attitude. It’s like, ‘Yeah, May. Stop being a horrible person who draws attention to the fact that Penny is a robot. I never did that.’ Except when Ruby first met her she didn’t know Penny was a robot. Just like she didn’t know Blake was a faunus—something we’re reminded of this episode. We might assume Ruby wouldn’t have ever made any missteps at the beginning of these relationships, but the fact remains that she got to know both girls before their minority status was ever revealed. Ruby loved them before she ever had to grapple with their differences.

Put in her place, May then demonstrates that she can make lots of people invisible, not just herself. That’s handy. She creates an invisibility bubble that reminds me of Harry’s invisibility cloak. In the sense that others might not be able to see you, but they can still hear and touch you, which makes sneaking around still pretty challenging.

No sooner have I thought that then two guards get into the elevator with them. The group keeps quiet as the duo discusses how no one can get close to Salem’s storm without “getting shocked right out of the air.” Interesting. And frankly one hell of a roadblock if the Hound escapes into the clouds. Oscar may be gone for a while if he doesn’t escape on his own... The woman also comments about how creepy it is that all the grimm are just hanging out, waiting. It’s “worse than if they’d attacked.”

No it’s not! RT, stop trying to implement the idea that Salem withholding her forces is some epically cool choice. She should have decimated everyone by now and the fact that she hasn’t just shows how transparent the problem is: you’ve created a villain that’s too powerful and now you don’t know what to do with her.

As the group sneaks out of the elevator Nora grins and presses all the buttons, which is, as expected, a dumb move. They’re supposed to be sneaking into this base. If they’re caught they’re going to be thrown in jail at best, killed at worst, but Nora wants to risk that for a practical joke? Again and again we see this insistence on incorporating comedy where it’s not only unnecessary, but actively interferes with other aspects of the scene.

Reaching a terminal, Penny inserts her finger and gains access via Pietro’s credentials. She’s really demonstrating this episode why she’s… pretty terrifying? I mean, Penny is an incredibly powerful fighter with a computer’s view of the world, access to everything in the most powerful Kingdom alongside its information, and she now has Maiden powers to boot. Which, I should add, it took her one fight to master (because remember, the heroes are now always as strong as they need to be to win…). Now that Watts is planning to hack her, I expect her to be an incredibly formidable enemy, just given the amount she could potentially do. I think Penny herself is too kind to exploit all that potential and as we’ll see via Pietro briefly taking control, she doesn’t always have the knowledge to use the tools at her disposal. But in the hands of someone like Watts? He’ll turn Penny into the ultimate weapon.

Access granted, they learn that they have to go “Right through central command!” Of course, Penny makes it sound like a fun game and the spy-movie music/cartoon lecture doesn’t help. Again, tone. It’s adorable! It just doesn’t fit sneaking into a military base with your lives on the line while Salem waits outside. That was a RWBY Chibi moment.

Penny explains—twice—that Ruby can use her semblance to fly them all through central command and it’s treated like a revelation. At first, I was pretty confused because Ruby has been dong this for ages? She carried Weiss in “Argus Limited” and Nora during the Geist fight. But upon close inspection, what Penny seems to have “figured out” is that Ruby can carry multiple people at once because the “mass doesn’t matter.” Okay. Not a contradiction then, though I think RT could have made it a little more clear that Ruby was shocked at the idea of carrying multiple people, not carrying someone at all.

What I do take issue with though is Ruby mastering this skill instantaneously. I mean, why is Ruby being forced to try this on the fly (pun not intended)—Penny has known the layout of the building since they made this plan. She knew they had to get past central control and that it would be packed with people. She’s obviously thought about Ruby’s semblance a great deal—and why is she succeeding? Give me a Volume 7 where Ruby actually trains in this technique, set up via Harriet’s comment early on about her semblance, and then she’s victorious here when it finally matters. Or give me Ruby assuming she can pull off this incredibly difficult skill only to fall out of her semblance halfway through, a roomful of Atlas personnel staring at them. Then what?

Not this.

This is a character who does everything perfectly on the first try without ever having to fail. Ruby is boring like this.

Crisis averted, we transfer to Ironwood who is… working with Watts.

What else is there to say? I’ve already laid out all the reasons why this is stupid and makes no sense. Others keep coming onto my posts to explain to me how Ironwood’s awful deeds up until now fully show his decent into villainy, conveniently ignoring the numerous limitations he was under and his choice to do what he thought was best for the world using inaccurate information. Ironwood was always a divisive character and many are happy to ignore the years’ worth of deconstruction done—a man who looks like the Evil Military General but actually isn’t—because they never liked him to begin with. Not liking him is fine, no one has to like any character, but I’m honestly shocked by the number of viewers who refuse to acknowledge how bad the writing is, even if it means defending a character they hate a teensy tiny bit (#SupernaturalVibes). As a friend put it, Ironwood now feels like a caricature of his former self, a Pure Evil Ironwood who appeared out of nowhere and is now here to stay. He shoots kids. He shoots unarmed civilians. He teams up with Salem’s men and tries to hack Penny. These are undeniably horrible acts, they’ve just been given to a character who never would have done them until RT randomly flipped the Evil switch.

The “RWBY” tag, alongside all the fluff moments of this episode, is now filled with posts encouraging Marrow to turn, yelling at the Ace Ops for being “bootlickers,” and capslock screaming at anyone who dared to speak up for Ironwood. It still sucks to have bad writing twisted into an attack on the fans and it’s going to continue to suck until at least the rest of Volume 8. I’d like to again remind everyone that Qrow teamed up with Tyrian a few episodes, yet because he’s again in Ruby’s graces, that was twisted into a ‘not that bad’ situation. The issue isn’t really that Ironwood is teaming up with one of Salem’s subordinates, but that he’s doing it to go against RWBYJNOR… the second a character teams up with Salem to get what Ruby wants (to not have her team in jail) then that’s totally fine… but that’s a wrinkle a lot of people are happy to ignore.

So yeah, Ironwood is an idiot now too. Like Qrow also was last Volume. He really thinks Watts isn’t going to betray him somehow? Although, I do wonder if the chance to ruin Pietro’s creation outweighs his loyalty to Salem, but the point is that Ironwood can’t be sure of that either. At least he’s smart enough to keep Watts under continuous guard. He puts his hand on Watts’ shoulders and goes, “I’d hate for us to have to try motivating you. Again.”

So he tortures people too now? Like I said, caricature. This was Ironwood and we were given no clear idea of where he disappeared to.

RIP a great character.

Watts notices though that Pietro has apparently accessed a secure area and alerts Ironwood to it. I laugh that the information is just ¡EMERGENCY! In large, red letters. Ironwood immediately makes an announcement for everyone to be on guard. It’s a level 3 lockdown — that won’t impede the group leaving via airship! — and they’re to use “lethal force” if necessary. Weiss is disgusted.

As much as I disagree with making Ironwood into a shoot first, ask questions later kind of guy — he’s definitely wrong to be doing this — I also find myself rolling my eyes at reactions like that. Yes, Weiss. You attacked four operatives until they were knocked unconscious. Prevented an entire city from escaping Salem’s wrath, endangering them all. Now you’re breaking into the most classified room in the Kingdom to steal an equally qualified project and use it for your own means. There’s no reason why Ironwood would level his might against you. Is death still an extreme response? Yes. Should Weiss be acting like Ironwood is crazy for responding to them in an extreme manner? No. Her remark makes it sound like Ironwood is attacking her poor, innocent, defenseless team… not the team that’s been lying to him, betraying him, attacking him, and stealing from him. Not the team carrying deadly weapons into a facility to take what they want at any cost.

With their presence known, May wants to go grab an airship. That’s the series now.

Meanwhile, Penny insists that they can still complete their mission and we see Nora come up with some sort of plan.

Except, what plan was this?? What did she say to the group? ‘Hey, let’s wait around until some guy conveniently walks by with a full cup of coffee. Then we can trip him and the mug will fly alllll the way across this gap to land on a terminal, startling at least two workers. Except this guy will be hated by the whole room because he’s always messing things up—his coffee mug has been changed from #1 Dad to #1 Dud—so that this little mishap will create a ruckus that gets everyone involved, giving us the opportunity to slip by them all.’

Seriously, what? This kind of “plan” only works with someone like Clover, where we know he has a good luck semblance and thus all these unlikely pieces fall into place. I could absolutely buy Clover smiling smugly, working under the knowledge that he just has to wait around a few minutes and something will come along that works entirely in his favor. But Nora? How did she know any of this would happen? Obviously she couldn’t have, so what exactly was their intention if this coffee carrying, hated guy didn’t show up? RWBY, your contrived plots are showing.

I do, however, love the grimm Jaws poster. Jaws is an absolute favorite of mine, so seeing a reference to it in RWBY? A funny one at that? It almost makes up for how bad this episode is lol.

Because frankly I’m bored. The group sneaks around, criticizes May and Ironwood, briefly confuses me about Ruby’s semblance knowledge, and gets through tons of Atlas personnel in the stupidest way possible. I have to watch this guy running out of the room with coffee on his pants screaming, “WHHHYYY???” and he doesn’t notice the five girls standing right next to him. It’s silly. It’s boring. Luckily for RWBY, things are about to pick up in the second half.

After Ruby gets them upstairs and the final room is also conveniently devoid of people, Pietro takes control of Penny—including yellow possession eyes like Oscar has with Ozpin—and he...gets Amity started. That’s it. After a whole volume of ‘It’s not finished yet’ and ‘We barely have the resources’ and ‘Robyn stole what we were using to do idek what with’ he presses buttons for a while and they’re in. How good for them!

I do love that Penny calls Pietro “Dad” though. I’m here for the android-father relationship.

While Pietro works we turn to Blake, Weiss, and Nora. Blake tries to convince the audience that Ruby and Yang had an actual fight with, “I’ve never seen Yang and Ruby fight like this.” Yeah, because no one in this group has ever said the sliiiiightest thing against Ruby, so you all read the tinniest disagreement as a “fight” to be worried about. I mean, doesn’t RT have friends to draw inspiration from? They’ve never disagreed about Huge and Complex Questions before? Never gotten pissed and then shrugged it off the next time you want to text? RWBY’s idea of a diverse friend group feels like many other writers’ idea of a sibling relationship: anyone with an actual sibling goes, “What is this?” Speaking of, Weiss explains that sisters often have “very different ideas about what’s right” as if, again, people don’t have different ideas? Just in general? Why is this suddenly a sister thing? She’s clearly thinking about Winter, but doesn’t actually bring it up, so all we’re left with is the same situation we had last Volume. Weiss thinks she’s right, Winter is wrong, and they’re just going down their separate roads because there’s definitely no reason to re-examine any choices here. It’s all static.

Until Winter betrays Ironwood, of course.

Nora tries to reassure Blake that the group will be fine (ha) even though they’ve split, the irony being that we, the audience, know they just got wrecked by the Hound. Jaune is a great leader though, Oscar has grown so much, Yang could defend them all in a fight, and Ren… well, she can’t think of anything to say about Ren. I hate the Nora is acting like Ren has drawn away from her for no reason, after she chose to kiss him—without consent—rather than listening to what was bothering him, then proceeded to pretend that this mystery problem never existed. What does she expect? I do, however, like the general acknowledgement that she doesn’t know who she is without Ren. Who is Nora? Someone who is “strong and hit[s] stuff?”

See, this feels like RT writing self-consciously because Nora doesn’t have much of a personality. Oh, on a surface level she’s bursting with it, but past the bubbly exterior? That single layer? We can add maybe one thing to this “Likes Ren, is strong, hits stuff” list: she’s funny. That’s it. Anything else we might add like “she’s loyal” or “she’s kind” is just a generic characteristic of this entire team. They’re all meant to be crazy talented good guys and even the “is strong” aspect is suspect when others frequently pull off attacks as showy as Nora’s hammer hits. So who is she? What are Nora’s dreams? What are her hobbies? Her fears? Her history? We’ve seen a single flashback of her on the streets and one scene back at Beacon where she listens to music and reads a magazine. Seven years worth of material and that’s it. There’s a reason why the go-to, non-combat action for Nora in fics is “makes pancakes.” We know so little about her still.

So I was excited for a brief, shining moment. Yes! Explore who Nora is outside of being strong and hitting stuff! … and then her big action this episode is, as she says, being strong and hitting something. Don’t get me wrong, outside of that setup it’s pretty epic. I like Nora going to those lengths to save Penny and I absolutely love the repercussions of the choice: a broken aura, passing out, and badass lightning scars all over her arms and neck (especially when women often aren’t allowed to accumulate scars in visual media). That’s pretty damn awesome. It’s just that it comes on the heels of the story insisting that Nora is more than this, that we’ll learn something new about her… and we haven’t. This is indeed cool, but we already knew that Nora was willing to crazy lengths by hitting things really hard. That’s already her established norm.

At least this moment has some really nice characterization alongside the stupidity. The conversation between Ruby and Penny is just plain stupid. Penny wants to stay to help with the evacuations, but Pietro says she should come with him in Amity. Why? As Ruby says, because then she’ll be up in the sky and Salem won’t be able to access the relic.

That’s what Ironwood wanted to do! We could have had this conflict episodes ago with you all working with him! I really can’t with this cast. Also, the rest of this is still confusing. I thought pretty much everyone was in the slums by now, so what evacuation are they talking about? Do they plan to evacuate everyone in Mantle out of the kingdom somehow… like Ironwood wanted to do with Atlas? And why are they acting like Amity is evacuating some people too? I thought they were just using it as a communication device? To add insult to injury, Ruby then contradicts herself a minute later when she tells Harriet that Ironwood can’t have the relic because “Salem will find her way to the relic no matter where you go.” Ruby, if Salem can access the relic high in the sky she can also access Penny in the sky. If you believe that literally nowhere is safe then why are you sending Penny away under the claim that she—and via her the Relic—will be safer? If you want Penny in Amity to lessen the chance of Salem getting the Relic, why can’t Penny be in Atlas while simultaneously (hopefully) getting a whole slew of people to safety?

I’m continually confused by this “plan” of theirs. Their claims just flip-flop according to what (supposedly) contrasts them with Ironwood. Even though that’s not actually the case.

Penny is me, sad while watching this train wreck of a scene.

So yeah, the Ace Ops are here. I’ve wondered since the trailer why Weiss looked smug while everyone else was startled. Turns out it’s because of her line, “So, your first time losing to us wasn’t enough?” I can’t express how much I dislike all the girls’ personalities now. I want to shake some compassion and humility into them. Plus, they never should have won that fight in the first place. Marrow yells, “We were holding back!” but coming from the team’s weakest member it reads as defensive. Like we’re supposed to go, ‘Lol yeah right, Marrow. Just admit you got your ass kicked,’ even tough the Ace Ops should have wiped the floor with them, holding back or not. That’s my biggest takeaway from this fight: it’s the reverse of what we should have gotten. The Ace Ops should have beaten Team RWBY with ease and struggled greatly against an android Maiden, not falling before a bunch of teens and succeeding against Penny if not for Nora’s timely breakthrough. Your half-trained cast of growing heroes should not come across as more powerful than an intelligently designed weapon now wielding magic.

Before the fight starts we get a whole lot of lines that are, frankly, frustrating. Vine tells Penny, “I thought you were supposed to protect the people, not hurt them” which is true enough. Penny is taking action that is putting a lot of people in danger, regardless of the fact that Ruby is at the helm. Problem is, the Ace Ops then blame her for Winter’s injuries and “stealing” the power? That’s not the issue here. The issue is Penny’s blind loyalty to Ruby, but by having the Ace Ops back a stance that is clearly inaccurate—Penny didn’t cause Winter’s injuries, Cinder did; Penny didn’t steal the powers, she was encouraged to take them—it makes them come across as Very Evil people who will twist things to make poor Penny look like the villain. Even if this is a case of Ace Ops having bad intel (which seems unlikely. Wouldn’t Winter have told them what happened?) RT has avoided letting the Ace Ops take a justified stance here because that would make them look too sympathetic… even though they do have multiple justified stances to take. Like, ‘Hey, stop keeping half a kingdom here where Salem can easily kill them all’ or, ‘Hey, why did you spend months betraying Ironwood and then turn on us instead of trying to find a compromise?’ Even, ‘Why did your uncle help kill our leader?’ There’s plenty that the Ace Ops should be rightfully pissed about, so choosing Penny and Winter out of everything feels like RT is firmly backing them into Ironwood’s corner: you’re just bad now and bad people blame innocent girls, rather than acknowledging the actual wrongs done against them.

So we have Ruby contradicting herself and the Ace Ops backing warped ideas that make them look worse than they actually are. Adding to the stupidity is the fact that Elm mentions that Winter is in “critical condition” and Weiss… doesn’t care. Harriet then tells Ruby that she’s “throwing [her] in jail right next to your uncle, runt” and... Ruby doesn’t care. Qrow is missing and Ruby just found out he’s been captured by Ironwood, yet there’s no reaction whatsoever. This show continues to go hard on the ‘screw adults’ mentality, huh? Ozpin needs to keep quiet and is horrible for coming back. Ironwood is now a cartoon villain. Winter made the wrong choice so no one cares about her anymore, not even her sister. The Ace Ops remain enemies despite trying to talk things out. Qrow? Barely know him. Who’s he? This is a Ruby loves Penny episode. There isn’t enough emotional nuance for her to care about him too.

The sad thing is I adore Nuts&Dolts. In a different context these moments would be a goldmine for me.

If anything, this episode feels worse than the majority of last week’s because there are good things here that have been thrown into a bad setup. I can’t get excited for the group’s battles when I see who they’re attacking. It’s hard to squee over Ruby hugging Penny when she doesn’t react to Qrow. Watching Nora go all Thor feels like it only has half its potential when it’s coming out of a very messing, ‘I’m more than just being strong and hitting things… which is why I’ll continue being strong and hitting things.’ RWBY has excellent moments set into a terrible story.

The fight, at least, is exciting. The Ace Ops goad Penny into stepping away so they can trap the rest of Ruby’s team—smart—and she’s forced to hold her own while Weiss tries to break through with her knight, then Nora overloads the system. To be frank, I’m not great at analyzing combat. Not unless I’m looking for something specific like whether a win is justified. I’ve already mentioned above the broad issue of the Ace Ops very nearly beating the most powerful fighter next to Salem herself, yet failing so spectacularly against Team RWBY. Outside of that context though? I really enjoyed this. Lots of tight action, creative attacks, teamwork, some emotional pauses throughout… it feels like a pretty solid battle. Put it on Youtube as a clip, outside of the rest of the story’s messiness, and you’ve got yourself a fantastic watch.

We can’t stay in the combat forever though. During all this Weiss calls the Ace Ops “cowards” for making it four vs. one. You know, RWBY should really just do away with dialogue and make the show purely action because the cast frequently sounds so stupid when they speak. Like her comment about Ironwood’s lockdown… really Weiss? ‘Yes, we might be wanted criminals who betrayed this group in the worst possible way, but how dare they not do the honorable thing and have three of their teammates sit out while trying to capture us? Even though the girl they’re trying to capture has magic. I mean, the nerve of them!’

Weiss, at this point I’m not sure how to explain to you that the people you’ve made into your enemies do not owe you a fair fight.

Another detail: we get to see Ruby fall off the edge of the walkway and this time she remembers she can fly! A definite improvement from Volume 6.

Finally: by the time Penny’s eyes go full Maiden in Elm’s grip, I think we’ve seen everything from our trailer. Episode 4 will truly be a mystery.

Ironwood has, of course, been watching the fight this whole time. When it looks like the Ace Ops will lose against the team he means to send in reinforcements, but Watts says he has “a message for your operatives.” Instead of capturing Penny they steal one of her swords instead, ending with a shot on Marrow looking conflicted.

Because remember, there’s no actual moral grayness in this story. The protagonists are right and everyone else is wrong. It’s (supposedly) black and white. Which means that if the Ace Ops have any hope of surviving this Volume and being seen as anything other than evil bootlickers, they have to join with Ruby. Marrow seems primed to do that.

Am I surprised? No. Disappointed? Always lol.

May has the airship ready to go and they fly off… despite the shields. And the lockdown. Consistency? Who’s she? Nora is said to be “in bad shape” and after another hug Penny leaves to hide in Amity, even though Ruby thinks that hiding is a useless, cowardly choice. Just not when she and her allies choose to do it.

We end the episode with Watts receiving Penny’s sword and making the statement, “If you can’t beat them… then make them join you.” I have to say, his cheesy villainy is something I continue to enjoy, even if it’s heavy handed at times. Watts is just fun. I do have to say though: if Penny is hacked, what does that say about her agency? We double-downed on the ‘real girl’ narrative by giving her the Maiden powers, but she’s simultaneously synthetic enough that a single piece of her can remove all autonomy? It once again feels like RT isn’t sure what point they’re trying to make, they’re just chucking a lot of themes at the wall and seeing what sticks. Still, we’ll have to let it all play out before making any judgements.

And that’s it for this week. It seems like this is a slightly shorter recap than normal, though that may be because I struggle with discussing pure action sequences, which made up a decent chunk of this episode. I’ll no doubt return to the Ace Ops vs. Penny fight when I’m not on a self-imposed, one day deadline for posting. The only thing left is to update the Bingo Card, but I don’t think we made any headway this week. So... good job, RWBY?

I’m still going to hold off on the civilian’s square until Salem’s army actually attacks, as well as the two day timeline square.

No Winter this episode

Watts is teaming up with Ironwood which is… so much worse than him teaming up with Jacques again. Does a square get an X if the canon is even worse than what you assumed it would be??

Maria was mentioned this episode. Jury’s out on whether she’ll actually do anything.

Atlas is still standing, we knew Penny was heading towards a hack so it’s not much of a cliffhanger, no Qrow, no Ozpin, no Neo or Cinder.

It certainly looks like we can check off “The team gets Amity up and running,” but let’s just see if there are any problems next episode. If the problem is only ‘We would have launched it if not for Salem’s attack’ or something, I’m checking it off. The point is it would have worked.

I’m also leaning towards “More obvious Blake/Yang implications without confirming a relationship” given Blake’s heart-to-heart with Nora… but let’s see if the Volume does anything more egregious.

All in all (and perhaps despite what I’ve written above), I don’t think it’s fair to totally drag this episode. As said, this feels like a strong episode in a bad story, something that I would have LOVED if a) Salem weren’t here and b) the ‘ethical dilemma’ wasn’t boiled down to a ‘Team Ruby is good’ and ‘Ironwood and everyone associated with him is evil’ situation. It’s an episode whose tone and character action belong in a different version of RWBY. If you gave us this fun episode in an earlier Volume against a Pure Evil antagonist? It would have been great.

Ah well. It is what it is. Expect more emotional whiplash when we come back and everyone learns that Oscar has been kidnapped by Salem’s talking pooch 🙃

See you then! 💜

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #rwby strings #mymetas #rwby recaps #apologies if this Recap is messier than normal #I have a zoom meeting in five minutes lol #gotta go fast!

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panharmonium · 4 years

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(1/3) Heya! A while back you were discussing Morgana's character and Merlin's relationship with her WRT magic and mentioned "gaslighting." I know for myself when I refer to Merlin gaslighting her it's not in regards to him not outing himself, but that 1) Pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true and giving her the sleeping draughts. And Post 2X03, after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12.

Hi! So, I will preface this by saying that I normally don't have a chance to respond to asks in this much depth, but luckily I had some free time over the past couple of days, and there's nothing I like better than writing incessantly about Merlin, so I took the liberty of doing a deep dive. :)

My impression (because these asks don't actually include a particular question for me to answer) is that I'm being asked to expand/defend my own analysis from my original post with regard to the above points. And I'll be honest and say that I won't always do that for folks on demand, because I really am of the school of thought that I don't write meta to convince anybody of something or "prove" a point - I really am just talking to myself in my own room for fun, and it isn't important to me to make a case to anybody who would rather approach from a different angle. Like - if we’re on different pages, it’s chill; I don’t feel a need to discuss it or like...change someone’s mind. (In all seriousness, I really have just been writing these things for myself and a couple of friends. Prior to three days ago, when some kind of a bizarre surge happened, I had no followers who were here specifically for Merlin.)

But there are definitely some things referenced in these messages that I do have strong opinions about (though as I always say, that doesn't mean anyone is obligated to agree with me!) And since I have the free time and am actually interested in this topic, I figured I'd try to address these things one by one (though I can't promise to do so in order.)

I'll put everything under a cut, because this did get quite long.

disclaimer: as always, whenever I write meta: these are just my own thoughts, and I don’t expect anyone to share them. If we are on different pages, feel free to scroll past and keep having fun in whatever way is most enjoyable to you!

1) “after reassuring her that they're still friends, he just doesn't really talk to her again until 2X12″

So first, I have to pose a question.

Why does this say "[Merlin] just doesn't really talk to her again" after 2.03?

Specifically, that framing.

Merlin doesn't talk to her again.

Because what actually happens, from 2.03-2.10, in an objective, this-is-what-we-see-onscreen way, is this: Merlin defies Gaius and tells Morgana that he believes she has magic. He sends her to the Druids so they can help her, tries to distract the attacking knights so she can escape from Camelot with the Druids permanently, and, when that fails, he makes sure to come to Morgana's room and tell her that he supports her and her secret is safe with him.

Then, from 2.04 through 2.10, they don't have screen time together.

Not "Merlin just doesn't talk to her."

They don't have screen time together. You could say "Morgana just doesn't talk to him" and it would be just as true.

But somehow we immediately frame our discussion of this as Merlin not doing something. And that is what I am pushing back against.

Merlin takes massive risks to help Morgana in 2.03. He makes it very clear that he is there for her and he will never tell her secret, and Morgana, for her part, is shown to be very appreciative of that. It's clear that she trusts him and believes him. They part on a very positive note, at the end of 2.03.

Why, then, do we automatically frame the objective, unattributable-to-any-one-character fact that they don't interact onscreen after that as being somehow a failing on Merlin's part? Why do we frame the simple fact that "they have no scenes together" as something for which we can lay blame? (On Merlin, of course. Never on Morgana.)

It's not as if we see Morgana reaching out and failing to get a response. From 2.04-2.10, there are zero scenes of Morgana trying to approach Merlin and being rebuffed. There are no scenes of Morgana wishing for guidance and being turned away. And, with the exception of the Witchfinder episode (where Merlin already does literally everything in his power to expose this dangerous man and protect Morgana from his machinations) Morgana is not, in fact, shown to be getting "more and more freaked out and isolated."

I want to pause and address that, because I know we've all sort of...collectively decided to imagine that this is what happened (because as a fandom we've tried to just fill in with fanon what feels like a blank left by the writers), but onscreen, in terms of the source material: it is false to say that “in the background you kind of see Morgana get more and more freaked out and isolated as the season progresses.” It just doesn’t happen.

With the exception of "The Witchfinder," Morgana is never shown to be having any inner conflicts about her magic, not until 2.11. Episodes 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10 - absolutely nothing. There is one scene in 2.08 where she mentions having trouble sleeping, but then that issue is immediately resolved for her when Morgause gives her the healing bracelet and cures her nightmares. There are no scenes of Morgana worrying about her magic. No scenes of her needing help. No scenes referencing her position as a person who is struggling with being a secret magic-user. No scenes referencing her magic at all, in fact. She is not shown to be getting more and more freaked out and isolated; rather she appears to have integrated back into her old life, comfortable now in the knowledge of who and what she is. It’s like what she told Merlin at the end of 2.03: "I know now who I really am. And it isn't something to be scared of. Maybe one day people will come to see magic as a force for good."

And we can of course debate whether that was really an appropriate writing decision, to have Morgana be fine, fine, fine, until suddenly we hit 2.11 and it's like, 'oh, suddenly not fine,' but we also can't evaluate or judge Merlin based on a fanon image of what we imagine was happening in Season 2. We can only evaluate him based on what actually happens onscreen (whether we feel like it was well-written or not), and what actually happens onscreen is that minus her fear in The Witchfinder, which Merlin already takes decisive actions to address, Morgana is not shown to be distressed or isolated or conflicted until we hit 2.11.

She appears, as far as Merlin and the audience can see, to be doing just fine.

I’ve got to be clear on this: "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her again" is a loaded sentence, when the phenomenon we're really trying to describe is "Merlin and Morgana have no scenes together." It inherently assigns responsibility, agency, and blame for any non-interaction to Merlin, when there is nothing in canon to support that framing.

If Morgana wants to talk to Merlin, she can come talk to him. She knows Merlin is on her side. She is shown to trust and appreciate Merlin without reservation at the end of 2.03. And even if she had been shown to be spiraling into a bad place in 2.04-2.10 (which, as discussed above, is not the case) she could have come to Merlin at any time. It is literally not Merlin's responsibility to pursue Morgana and press her to talk to him. He has done his due diligence. He makes sure she knows he is on her side, that he supports her, that he believes her, that he will never reveal her secret. And she is shown to believe him when he says that. If she needs him, she knows she can approach him. And if she chooses not to do that - then that is on her.

This is a tough pill for even the in-universe characters to swallow, but Merlin is not responsible for the well-being of every single person in Camelot. It is not his job to make sure that every single person in his orbit is 100% okay at all times. It is not his job to read his friends' minds, or anticipate every single one of their needs, or to offer himself to them constantly, repeatedly, every time he has a spare moment, especially when they seem (like Morgana from 2.04 to 2.10) to be doing well. Merlin has already been placed in a position where he is expected to devote almost all of his energy to serving someone else's interests. When we expect him to also worry about and monitor and manage the health and happiness of all the other people around him, we are perpetuating the same damaging narrative for which we criticize characters like Kilgharrah, Gaius, etc - that everything is on Merlin, and if he can’t manage to juggle it all, then the negative consequences that ensue are his fault.

A personal illustration of how this would play out in real life:

I live with my sister. I am a pretty stoic person. And when something is the matter, I sometimes don't tell her about it. I just pretend like everything is fine. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would listen to me and support me if I ever came to her with a problem, but sometimes I don't do that. And if that’s the choice I make, then that’s fine, but I have to take responsibility for it. It's not okay for me to get angry and BLAME her for not helping me, when I never gave her any indication that I needed help in the first place.

So - flipping the narrative, what if we reframed the original statement to an equally loaded but equally accurate “post 2.03, Morgana just doesn't talk to Merlin.” The two of them go through a harrowing experience together, where Merlin takes deadly risks to try to help Morgana escape Camelot and find her true self, where he offers his continuing support to her after it's over, and then she just never takes him up on that offer. She retreats back into her comfortable position as Uther's noble ward, and stops associating with Arthur's lowly servant. When Merlin helps save Gwen from the bandits in 2.04, Morgana never thanks him. When Merlin is framed for theft by Catrina and hunted down, she doesn't stand up for him or try to help him. When Gaius is arrested and tortured by the Witchfinder, she never stops by to see how Merlin is doing and check if he's okay. When she's approached by a total stranger who wants her to steal a "weapon" for him, she doesn’t talk to Merlin at all, but rather agrees to steals the Crystal of Neahtid without ANY understanding of what it actually does or what Alvarr's plans are for it, leaving Merlin completely in the dark about why she's suddenly sneaking around acting so strange and suspicious.

Think back to Season One. When Gwen is accused of sorcery and sentenced to death, Merlin confesses himself in order to save her. Despite enjoying none of the protections Morgana has as Uther’s ward, Merlin still confesses himself in order to protect a friend. But when Merlin is accused of sorcery in 2.07 (and when Gaius is then sentenced to be executed), Morgana does nothing comparable. She just lets them take the fall. Merlin allows himself (and Gaius) to be accused, even though he could easily have ratted Morgana out instead, and Morgana, despite knowing that Merlin is keeping silent to protect her at his own expense, never says a word to defend him, or approaches Merlin about it afterwards. She sees Merlin dragged out of the Council Chambers screaming after Gaius is sentenced to death, but she says nothing. She knows Gaius is going to be burnt at the stake, but she does nothing, not even making her usual appeal to Arthur.

Does that mean we should assume that she was being negligent? That she was abandoning Merlin when he needed her most?

For clarity - I'm not saying that the answer to that question is yes. I’m saying that I’ve never seen anybody assign intention/bad faith to Morgana when it comes to her non-interaction with Merlin from 2.04 to 2.10 (even though that particular read is actually far more justified by the text). There is no reason to assign intention to Merlin, either.

Ultimately, I just want us to be aware that saying “Merlin just doesn’t really talk to her again” inherently assigns agency and blame to an agentless fact. Morgana and Merlin not being on screen together from 2.04 to 2.10 =/= "Merlin just doesn't really talk to her." The phrase "Morgana just doesn't really talk to him" is an equally true statement, but one we don't hear nearly as often, because in the Merlin-verse, everything is Merlin's responsibility. And therefore, when there’s a problem, everything is Merlin's fault.

2) “pre 2X03 he goes along with Gaius in pretending to not believe that her visions are true giving her the sleeping draughts”

Okay, this is just my own opinion, but - I personally think it is unreasonable for us to expect Merlin to correct every single bad choice that the people around him make, and it's unfair to transfer the blame for other people's choices onto his shoulders.

If Gaius is making bad choices prior to 2.03, then they are Gaius's bad choices. Merlin, in 1.07, has just arrived in Camelot within the last couple of months. Gaius has lived in Camelot all his life, and has been dealing with Morgana for two decades and Uther for longer than that. Gaius is a trained physician. He is in a position of authority over Merlin, and he has far more experience with the royal family than Merlin does, and when he tells Merlin that the safest thing for Morgana right now is to help her sleep through the night without having potentially-prophetic nightmares, of course Merlin listens to him.

But five minutes into 2.03, immediately after Merlin learns that Morgana actually has magic (not just dream-visions, which this show states to be a separate gift) he is arguing with Gaius, saying that "you need to be honest with her." At the fifteen minute mark, he is in Morgana's chambers telling her how to find the Druids.

I cannot get on board with transferring blame that belongs to other people and dumping it all on Merlin's overburdened shoulders. He directly defies Gaius's orders so that he can help Morgana, as soon as it becomes apparent how serious her situation is. He leads Camelot's army on a chase through the woods in an attempt to help her run away, putting himself at extreme personal risk to do so. How would he explain that, if he were caught? If he were seen?

He does more to help her with her gift than anyone, and he puts himself at risk of discovery and execution to do it. The standards to which we hold him, and the number of responsibilities we expect him to assume, and the ways we hold him accountable for choices that other people in positions of power have made, even when he ultimately corrects their mistakes - are impossibly unreasonable, and they certainly aren't the same standards we use to evaluate Morgana’s actions.

3) “while I don't think Merlin owed outing himself to anyone IMO was a really nasty undercurrent in the writing of ‘crazy/hysterical woman with her volatile lady feelings can't be trusted’ even after he's known her for like a year compared to Lancelot, Gilli, Daegel etc. being a-okay.”

Comparing Morgana to Lancelot, Gilli, and Daegal as a way of saying that Merlin underrates Morgana's trustworthiness in favor of theirs doesn't make sense.

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Lancelot at all. It's an accident.

Merlin doesn't choose to out himself to Daegal, either. He's put in a situation where it's either "use magic" or "we both die."

Gilli has a little more wiggle room in terms of "was this an active decision on Merlin's part," but it's also not accurate to interpret this situation as arising out of Merlin's personal desires/level of trust in Gilli as a person. Merlin reveals himself because he feels like it is the only way to get through to someone who is going to get themselves killed looking for revenge. (And I've written previously about how I think Merlin's choices in this situation are in fact directly influenced by the decisions he didn't make with Morgana, and how making the opposite choice here in an attempt to "do the ‘right’ thing this time" doesn't actually change the ultimate outcome, but that's neither here nor there.)

None of these three instances are moments where Merlin looks at these characters and goes, “these people seem way more trustworthy than that crazy, volatile lady i know; i’m gonna reveal myself to them!" He is forced into all of these situations, against his will, and is outed either by accident or necessity.

Additionally - the above is really the more important counterpoint, but I do think it's worth mentioning that Morgana, as far as the closeness of her relationship with Merlin goes, also can't be meaningfully compared with the other three characters on this list because her position as a noble places her in a totally different category altogether.

Merlin legitimately likes Morgana in the early seasons, and he's thrilled to be her friend. But Merlin is also class-conscious - he has to be, given his position in society; and moreover he's spent the first twenty years of his life being best friends with a dude who is both hyperaware of and hypervocal about the inequalities of the current social system. Merlin is ALWAYS aware that Morgana is on a different level than he is, and he is perfectly justified in being slightly more reticent around people who aren't cut from his own cloth, in the same way he is justified in being slightly more careful around Arthur, who also leverages his power and privilege whenever "equality" becomes inconvenient for him.

Take the comparison between Lancelot and Morgana, for example. Merlin has known Lancelot for slightly less time than Morgana (Merlin meets Lancelot in 1.05), but he cleaves to Lancelot more quickly, and it is only natural that Merlin would do so. Merlin is a peasant farmer. He is literally as low on the social ladder as you can get without being one of the itinerant poor. Morgana is, in essence, a princess, and Merlin isn't wrong for feeling more comfortable around Lancelot than he is around her, because Morgana, for all that she is generous-minded with the servants, is SO far above the level of people Merlin is used to associating with, and she has SO much more influence than he does - it's a power differential that can't be erased, no matter how friendly Morgana is with him. And it’s a dynamic that isn't limited to Morgana, either - it exists between Merlin and Arthur, too.

This is an element of the show that I don't necessarily see discussed often when it comes to Morgana and Merlin (and Gwen, for that matter), and most of the time it seems to be ignored in favor of like...“Morgana doesn't see class! She's friends with Gwen and she's friends with Merlin!" And I'm not disputing that she considers herself to be friends with them at first, but I also am not going to pretend that she doesn't then weaponize her class against them as soon as the situation changes.

In S3, she leverages her privileged position to threaten Merlin with execution if he tries to reveal her misdeeds, because she knows that no one will believe a servant even if he tells the truth ("Just think how Uther would react if he learnt that a serving boy had tried to poison his beloved ward"). She is horrified at her vision of Gwen taking the throne in 3.10, saying "How can that be? She's a servant." She mockingly calls Gwen "My lady" when capturing her in 5.06, and, when offering Gwen a drink of water, says, "Is it too good for you now that you're queen?" She scathingly criticizes Helios’s capture of Merlin in 4.06, saying, "And you bring me how many men? Or should I say how many servants?" She tells Merlin, "You are Arthur's servant, nothing more" later in that same episode. She dispenses with all semblances of equality with Gwen in late Season 2 whenever Gwen's in the way, instead snapping at her, ordering her around, and booting her out of the room. And in "The Dark Tower," she drags Gwen behind her on a rope.

Morgana in the early seasons is committed to an "I'm not going to lord my social status over my lower-class friends!" attitude. But that doesn't mean her social status doesn’t exist, or that the power differential has vanished. And when the chips are down - when Morgana feels like she's getting less than she "deserves" but her former servants are getting more than they themselves do - she falls back on the power she has as a noble. The ways in which Morgana interacts with Merlin and Gwen, after Morgana's falling out with Camelot, don't manifest as just "you betrayed me and we're not friends anymore," they express themselves in ways that specifically target Merlin and Gwen's "lowly" status, in comparison to Morgana's lofty one.

4) “I also hate the Merlin and Gaius talk in 2X12 where they more or less write her off as using her powers for eviiiiil when she hadn't consciously used her powers for ANYTHING yet.”

I suppose this could be subject to personal interpretation, but I’m pretty sure Gaius and Merlin think Morgana was consciously aware that she was the source of the magic.

They don't know that she wasn't consciously involved. The audience doesn't even know that, frankly. What Morgana is actually aware of is left undefined by the show. (I personally always got the vibe that Morgana obviously knows it has something to do with the agreement she and Morgause made, but that she doesn't exactly understand the details of how it's working.) But that's still never actually stated.

Merlin, (after Kilgharrah tells him the magic is coming from Morgana), assumes she is aware of what's happening. And I personally think it’s impressive that even given this, he covers for her the entire episode. At first he doesn't even suspect she has anything to do with it at all, not even after what she did in the previous ep - he makes up that story about Gaius having given her a potion to cover for her, assuming her magic is what's keeping her awake. It's not until Kilgharrah tells him what's going on that he realizes the truth, and EVEN THEN, he continues to lie for her.

If she was afraid - if she was in over her head - if she regretted her actions and wanted to change her mind - she could have confessed to Merlin and asked him for help. Literally everyone in Camelot was incapacitated, and as far as Merlin knew, Morgana’s plan was to let them all die. It's not that I'm happy about Merlin's choice to poison her, and neither is Merlin - but I'm also not comfortable blaming him to the exclusion of Morgana or critiquing him for feeling like Morgana did something bad. She did do something bad! She made her own choices. Merlin didn't make them for her.

Erasing Morgana’s responsibility erases her agency. She makes decisions to get where she is in 2.12. She makes an agreement to help Morgause without doing her research and without getting the details about what would actually happen to the people around her, just like she made an agreement to help Alvarr retrieve the Crystal of Neahtid without finding out what it actually was or how Alvarr planned to use it. Merlin didn't make Morgana do any of those things.

Re: the Merlin+Gaius talk in 2.12 - I personally don't read that conversation with Gaius as Merlin "writing [Morgana] off."

Merlin doesn't think Morgana is irredeemably evil. He apologizes to Morgana when she returns in 3.01. Even when she displays shame and self-recrimination about her own actions, he doesn't say one word condemning her for anything she did in the last season. All he feels is sympathy for her suffering. He tells her, sincerely, "I am so sorry for everything you've been through." He holds absolutely no grudge for what she did in 2.12. None.

And even when he finds out she's betraying them again - he first approaches her as a friend. He begs her to stop. He tells her, "It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way." He answers "no" when she asks him if he believes she deserves to be executed for who she is. Even as she's trying to kill them all.

And when she snaps, "Good!" in response to his statement that women and children are dying and the city will fall, he responds, "You don't mean that." That is not the response of someone who's already written her off as evil. He doesn't believe she wants all this violence. He is trying to reach her.

She doesn't ever reach back. And that is not Merlin's fault.

5) kilgharrah indiscriminately kills people

I don't think I can really address Kilgharrah in any meaningful way, because personally I don’t feel like dragons operate on or can be evaluated by human moral standards. Other folks can take a different tack with this, obviously; there's no canon information one way or another. That's just my own personal approach.

6) “[Kilgharrah] and Merlin are bros again by 3X02 but Morgause and Morgana and Kara killing knights and guards (who work for Uther/Arthur) are OMG murderers, have crossed a line, etc.”

Okay, look, let’s be honest here - this issue is a real philosophical question raised by the show, but Morgause and Morgana are not just killing knights and guards. Morgana, with Morgause at her right hand, literally orders her crossbowmen to murder a bunch of civilians in the street, as if shooting fish in a barrel. She tells her forces to “burn [the people’s] crops.” She raids Ealdor, a poor peasant village that isn’t even within Camelot’s borders, at the end of Season 4, and at the beginning of Season 5, Morgana’s Saxon army is attacking innocent peasant villages in Annis’s kingdom and capturing the villagers to be taken as slave labor to Ismere. Later in Season 5, Morgana kills other magic-users like Finna and Alator, who have been just as wronged by Arthur/Uther as she herself has been.

Kara - I've already written extensively about how she did nothing wrong and Arthur deserved to be deposed, so...same page there!

To wrap this up -

Nobody does everything right in this show. Everybody screws up somewhere. And the degree to which various people are both victims and villains is something we all have to decide for ourselves, and not all of our conclusions will be the same, which is perfectly fine.

But in the end, for me, the difference between Merlin and Morgana is that Merlin owns his choices. He believes he is the one to blame for what happens not just to him, but to the people around him. He literally says to Morgana, "I blame myself for what you've become." And while I don't necessarily think that's even true, he certainly does. Despite the fact that there are so many factors limiting him and forcing his hand and trapping him into certain courses of action, he never cites those factors as excuses, or seems to recognize their existence at all. He takes responsibility for himself, regardless of any extenuating circumstances. He looks back at his choices, and he feels remorse for some of them, and at the end of the day, when things go badly, he blames himself.

But when things go badly for Morgana, she only ever blames others. When something is wrong, it's because Merlin or Arthur or Gwen or whoever didn't help her (even though she never asked them for help in the first place.) We never see her acknowledge a mistake or regret a decision, even though she obviously makes her fair share of bad ones. She is never shown to be sorry for anything. The closest we get to remorse is her interaction with Mordred in 5.09 ("I hope one day you find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart"), and that brief moment of inner conflict never goes anywhere (which is so unfortunate, as a writing decision, but again, in a piece like this, I can only evaluate what actually happened onscreen, not what I wish had happened).

So, all this being said, I personally am very careful about assigning more blame to Merlin than what he already assigns to himself - especially when he doesn't deserve it (for example, see Part 1 of this piece). Merlin makes his share of mistakes, but we are generally much quicker to hold him accountable than we are Morgana, and we outline impossible expectations for him that we don't expect from any other character on this show. We hold him to a different standard, one which is, frankly, pretty much in line with how he's treated in the canon: that everything is his responsibility, and when things don't work out, everything is his fault. And I can’t get behind that mindset, because a) it isn’t fair to him, and b) I don’t think it holds up under scrutiny.

#sorry this got so long! i get going about merlin and like...time ceases to exist lol #apologies #putting most of this under a cut to spare your dashes #the once and future slowburn #meta #replies #sometimes you've got to do what is right

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fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years

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Taking Chances 1/4

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n- Why’d i write this brain? Why? Also, to any French speakers, my sincerest apologies if I botched the translations, it’s been a while since I’ve done any of it.)

Warnings- None, I think.

“I don’t know about this,” Y/n sighed despondently, folding her arms across her silk clad chest as she watched him put on his shoes.

Typing the laces of his shiny black shoes, Noah glanced up at her, clear green eyes, behind round spectacles meeting hers with nothing but love and quiet reassurance. She didn’t know if he was tired of her whining by then, but if he was, he was good at keeping it at bay, “It’s going to be fine darling,” he sat up, planting his hands on the sheets, still messy from their sensual morning session, “Come ‘ere,” he beckoned sweetly.

Begrudgingly, Y/n pushed off from the wall near the open Victorian doors that led to the balcony, which in turn overlooked Paris. When she stood before him, clad only in a flimsy silk, pink robe, nothing beneath and her feet bare, Noah pulled her into his lap, holding Y/n close, “What are you worrying your little pretty head about, eh?” The pad of his finger tapped the tip of her nose and him nuzzling the crook of her neck had Y/n’s smile splitting wider, “I know you, and you’ve got this.”

“You’re just saying that,” she leaned into him, seeking further comfort. Wishing that they could just stay in the room for the rest of the day, without any commitments or consequences. But they couldn’t, Noah was there for work and Y/n was supposed to be writing. "Supposed to be" being the operative term. But it was all new territory for her, new city, new apartment, and entirely new career. It was all just happening so quickly.

Thankfully though, she had him.

"I'm not," Noah affectionately pecked her cheek, "I know this is a lot for you, but I believe in you, I just need you to believe in yourself."

"Yeah," she exhaled, looping her arms around his neck, skimming a finger along the back of his neck and smiling when he hummed at her touch. "I'm sorry that I'm being such a baby about this," she pouted, quickly kissing his cheek.

“You are not being a baby,” he reassured between brief kisses, travelling from her cheek to Y/n’s lips. Noah’s hand stayed low on Y/n’s back, the comforting warmth of his palm seeping through the thin material, urging her to lean further into his touch, “Tell you what, why don’t you go on a little solo adventure today? You’ve been stuck with me ever since we got here; you’ve barely gotten a minute to put anything to paper and the only place you’ve seen besides the cafe across the street is the university,” Noah used his free hand to shift a few stray locks from her face, tilting his head so their gazes could meet, “You could take walk through the city maybe hop a metro, go somewhere for inspiration.”

“Babe,” Y/n giggled, taking his face in her hands, his 5 o’clock shadow rough beneath her soft touch, “You’re not in England anymore, I think they call it a train here.”

Noah hummed in amusement, “Actually, I think it's called la rame here,” his enunciation was perfect, reminding Y/n that Noah was far more traveled than she was, having experienced and picked up on several languages along the way. Sometimes, it was hard to believe that he’d spent a whopping five years in Washington, just for her, when Y/n knew that he much preferred exploring the world, spending no more than one or two academic years in one place. Noah was a gypsy of sorts, an English one, who’d picked up an adoration for world history along the way. Always moving, teaching at different universities and sometimes going on archaeology excavations. But when they’d met, he’d taken up a position at a respected university, giving it his all just so they could be together. He was happy, Y/n knew he was, they both were, though, when the offer from a school in Paris came through the mail, she took note of the way his eyes lit up. It was an opportunity to travel again, that time with some to share in the experience. And though he’d deterred the idea, lying to protect her feelings when he said it didn’t matter if they stayed or went, Y/n knew him better and decided that after everything, the least she could do was make a sacrifice for him. And here they were.

“I love it when you speak smart to me,” her flirtatious wink was enough to have him blushing and subsequently leaning in for another kiss, one longer than the others. Y/n’s fingers tangled in his honey, short, loose curls, while her other hand laid flat on his chest, trying to push him into a laying position.

Groaning quietly in protest, with dwindling resolve and barely any ability to refuse her, Noah, gently moved the offending hand away, “We shouldn’t,” his objection had her frowning, “I can’t be late,” letting his large hand cupping Y/n’s cheeks slip down to the knot holding her robe closed, tentatively tugging strip of fabric, he continued, “And we both know if you take this off I won’t be leaving for a while.”

Summoning up her most seductive pout, Y/n trailed her feather light fingers down his chest, “No goodbye orgasm?”

Chuckling, Noah gently encouraged Y/n into a standing position, placing his hands on her hips, “Not today love,” he bent to kiss her quickly, “But maybe later we can have a welcome home orgasm later, when we get back."

Home.

The moderately sized, high ceiling Victorian styled apartment hadn't become much of a home to Y/n yet. There were still boxes tucked away in the corners and none of the furniture belonged to them. Though, Y/n supposed that when one traveled as much as Noah did, home stopped being a place and started being what was constant, who was constant. For him, that was Y/n, she was his home. Maybe he could be hers too.

"Okay," Y/n breathed quietly, walking him to the door, "I'll text to let you know where I'll be, and I’ll see you when we get home. I love you," she endeared at the front door, when he was already standing beneath the threshold.

"I love you too darling," he caressed her cheek one last time, urging his messenger bag further up his shoulder, before setting off. With one final wave and a blown kiss from her end, Noah was gone, taken down by the elevator.

"Cut!" The voice rang through, signaling the halt of everything that was happening in front of the camera. The director sighed quietly, staring hard as she scanned the set, specifically on where most of the extras were gathered, "There," she pointed an accusing finger to the patio dining area at a cafe, "That doesn't look right." Barking someone's name, she waited until an Assistant Director was at her side before continuing harshly, "What the hell is this doing here? I said authentic pieces from the region, this says made in China."

Keanu watched as Alicia, the director shoved the center piece to the young girl's chest, not caring if she got a proper hold on it before walking away as she continued, "Fix it, else you'll have to use your last paycheck as air fare back to L.A!"

"Dios mio," a husky female voice groaned beside him, accent thick, "She's such a bitch." It was his co-star and the movie's female lead, Ayiana. She was Spanish, though years living in America had made her English exceptional.

Keanu glanced towards her way just as she was working against the wind to brush some dirty blonde hair away from her face, "Yeah, she's pretty intense."

"Poor Clara," Ayiana frowned deeply as they started towards their trailers, “I hope she gets that prop, before Alicia loses both their heads.” When they approached the first set of trailers, Ayiana offered Keanu a friendly nudge on the shoulder, “Well this is me,” as she went up the brief bout of metal stairs, getting the door open, she stopped him again, “You know, the nanny has Emmy tonight, and Mark and I are going to that cute little pub nearby, you should come too.”

“I don’t know,” Keanu rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Going out for drinks that night did sound like it would make for a good time, and he and Ayiana’s husband got on pretty well anyway, but Keanu didn’t want to intrude on their time together either, “I don’t wanna be a third wheel.”

“Tonterías!” Ayiana huffed, shaking her head and folding her arms, “You wouldn’t be a third wheel,” though her English was exceptional for someone who’d moved to America in their adulthood, Ayiana’s accent was thick, especially when she spoke quickly, making it a bit difficult to understand what she was saying. Though, Keanu got the jist of it, “You will come. We meet in the lobby at seven, be there!”

Chuckling, Keanu just nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “Okay,” he agreed, knowing he didn't really have a choice in the matter. Even if he’d decided to bail at the last minute, she and her husband would probably come up to his room and give him an earful, “I’ll be there,” he waved, walking off.

Keanu’s trailer was just a couple over from Aiyana’s, and on his way, Keanu glanced upwards to the sky, just as the low rumbling of thunder combated the noises he’d grown used in the little town in Luxembourg; the faint hum of air conditioning units and birds chirping. A storm was brewing, it had been plastered all over the local news, and heavy rains, accompanied by gusty winds, thunder and lightning had been predicted to start that night and last through the next three days. Thankfully though, after Keanu was finished with drinks that evening, he hadn’t planned to leave his hotel room until it was all over; hopefully he’d gathered enough to pass his time.

“Shit,” Y/n huffed, nearly on the verge of tears as she ducked beneath the under croft of a local pub. Standing outside the closed doors, she could hear the sounds of loud chatter and music wafting through the cracks, the aroma of booze evident. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten herself in such a mess. The storm, which she’d only learned about when she was caught right in the midst of the beginnings, had prompted the close of all routes back to Paris, and worse yet, her phone had died, just when she’d taken it out to call Noah. Worse yet, Y/n’s search for a pay phone had been fruitless, even as she’d walked along the sidewalk, attempting to ask anyone who’d stop to hear her. Y/n supposed that her efforts might have been successful if she spoke a little French, but alas, Noah had always been more linguistically skilled than she’d been.

Groaning quietly, Y/n spectated the downpour, briefly glancing at the milky sky, occasionally interrupted by frightening flashes of lightning. It really had come down heavy and all at once. Or perhaps, Y/n had just been too enthralled with the quaint, vintage looking town that she hadn’t noticed the first drizzle. Either way, dwelling on it wouldn’t have made any difference, she was already stuck and the least she could do was go into the bar and hope the person at the counter spoke a bit of English.

“Téléphone,” Keanu could hear the urgency in the young woman’s voice, her accent botched, and probably the reason the bartender was ignoring her. About three stools and a couple patrons separated them; he’d just gone to stand there, intent on ordering a second round of drinks, but from the minute she’d caught his eye, Keanu had forgotten all about everything else. Even with wet hair sticking to the sides of her face and drenched clothes clinging to her frame, she looked absolutely gorgeous. He didn’t know her, but he wanted to.

In fact, Keanu might have even gone as far as saying that he felt as if he were being drawn in; enticed by a beautiful, though seemingly desperate woman. Without much thought of anything else, he started wondering what had upset her so much, what was a girl like her doing all alone, soaking went anyway? He had to know.

Swallowing his nerves, planning on using the guise of assistance, Keanu weaved through the small crowd separating them, “Hey,” he tapped her shoulder, causing her to jump and yelp in surprise, “Shit,” he huffed when she turned, holding her small had to her chest, just over a small portion of deliberately exposed cleavage. Her eyes were frenzied and frightened and her lips, agape and quivering, though he didn’t know if it was because she was afraid or just cold. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” sheepishly, he offered his best shot at a smile, understanding when she didn’t really reciprocate.

She did look relieved though, slumping her shoulders as her breath caught, “You speak English.” The woman didn’t seem to recognize him in the slightest and Keanu actually found that the fact made her even more attractive.

“I do,” he nodded, “First language and everything,” when she didn’t laugh at his shoddy attempt at a joke, Keanu nervously cleared his throat, opting to carry on, “Is everything okay?”

“No,” she nearly sobbed, hanging her head, defeated and sorrowful, “My phone’s dead and I need to call home and say I won't be back, before-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Keanu tentatively reached for her shoulders, trying to offer some comfort and slow her sobs, “It’s going to be alright.” Retracting one of his hands, he felt around in his coat pocket, eventually producing his own cell, quickly unlocking it before offering it to her, “Why don’t you just use my phone? And then we can go from there, sound good?”

In an instant, she was visibly soothed, her breaths and tears slowing and a new glimmer of hope twinkling in her eyes, shining brightly even in the poorly lit pub, “I…….thank you,” the first signs of a smile broke through and she breathed another sigh of relief, “You have no idea how much this means to me, really, I’ve been wandering around this town for almost two hours, looking for a phone. So thank you,” she smiled wider, “I’m Y/n by the way.”

Y/n offered a small hand, which Keanu readily took, matching her grin, “Keanu.”

“Wait,” she furrowed her brows, proceeding to blink quickly, “Keanu Reeves,” her jaw hung slack for a minute, though, it wasn’t long before she was regaining her composure, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognize you.”

“It’s okay,” he reassured, not wanting her to feel bad about it, especially since he was actually pleased that he hadn’t. Being famous was nice, usually, you were treated well, got seated immediately at restaurants and everyone wanted to give you free drinks. But, especially when you were trying to make new friends, it got in the way. Everyone wanted to know you because of what you were, as opposed to who you were. "Why don't you go somewhere quiet and make your call, then you can join me and my friends for drinks?”

Y/n’s lips quivered in indecision, internally debating Keanu’s offer. It wasn’t like she really had anywhere to afterwards, and after the evening she’d had, a stiff drink was definitely more than appealing. With a breathy exhale and a soft sniffle, Y/n nodded, “Okay, thank you Keanu,” and with one final backwards glance, she wandered off to the hallway near the bathrooms, where she could make her phone call in a quieter area.

“No problem Y/n,” he breathed, knowing she couldn’t hear him, and still in complete awe of her, already excited for her return. Huffing, he approached the bar again, snatching up one of the flimsy, cardboard drink menus, barely able to focus on the options displayed. As he leaned forward, the fingers of his free hand absently drummed the worn wooden surface, and as hard as he tried, Keanu couldn’t help but let his imagination go wild with thoughts of the woman he’d just met. There was just something about her, the way she’d smiled despite her distress, the sparkle in her pretty eyes when they locked with his, the way he’d spotted her, out of every other woman in the entire establishment; like it was faith. Did he even believe in faith? Did he still believe in-

“Hey,” a petie hand touched his elbow, rousing his attention, and startled, Keanu turned back to Y/n, his smile immediately growing at the sight of her, internally relieved that she seemed far more relaxed, “Thanks again,” she offered his phone, “I seriously don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here,” after he’d pocketed his phone, Y/n moved to stand next to him at the bar counter, loosely mirroring his posture, noting the discarded menu between his forearms, “Next one’s on me.”

“Oh,” Keanu shook his head, pushing the menu away, “You don’t have to do that, it’s just a phone call, and I’m sure you have people that’ll be worried if you don’t check in,” briefly, he glanced at her, just to see if she’d give anything away. Was she there on vacation with family? Was there a husband or boyfriend waiting? A wife or girlfriend? Anyone that would make the way he was feeling when she stood that close wrong? When, even after a minute, Y/n didn’t offer anything much, Keanu tried to dismiss it, “Besides, you’ve had a rough night, let me get this one.”

“No,” Y/n put her hand over his just as he’d moved to get his wallet. Both shocked, their gazes fell to their joined hands, and Keanu found it hard to ignore the softness of her palm, how her touch sent sparks up his arm and Keanu swore he’d never experienced anything like it, “I insist.” For a moment more, Y/n held onto his hand, then, as if just realizing herself, she awkwardly pulled away, immediately starting to avoid his gaze, “Um….” Y/n stuttered and for a split second, Keanu was worried that she might change her mind on spending the rest of the evening with him, Ayiana and her husband, he was just starting to look forward to have someone that wouldn’t make being the third wheel so uncomfortable.

Though, as quickly as she hesitated, Y/n mustered up another smile, shaking off the moment and going to rummage through her bag for her purse, producing a gold card, “Drinks!” She declared with a breathy giggle, hoping to fill the flustered silence, actively avoiding his gaze, hoping she wouldn’t get lost in it again.

It was definitely going to be a strange night.

******

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves @planetkt

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mediocre-riverdale · 4 years

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WHY FINN HUDSON WAS THE WORST

#1. Cheating

Finn cheats on Quinn twice with Rachel, which evens out when Quinn also cheats, but no one ever mentions Finn cheating again. So, Finn gets cheated on by Quinn and Rachel, and both times he says how much it hurts and has an outburst. Despite now knowing the pain it causes, he encourages Quinn to cheat on Sam multiple times until she finally does it. He then continues to mock Sam, smirking at Sam and saying ‘I didn’t kiss your girlfriend’ in a teasing tone that implies to everyone that he did. Sam has done absolutely nothing to Finn except be nice and Finn shows no remorse at all for wrecking a relationship, even though he’s been cheated on twice. Again, no one calls him out on this besides Sam.

#2. How He Treats Rachel

Finn knows that Rachel has a crush on him because Rachel is very obvious about it. Despite the fact that he has a pregnant girlfriend at the time, he manipulates Rachel’s emotions and asks her out on a date with the intention to get her back in the Glee Club and not actually date her. He even kisses her (twice). So, after Quinn and Finn break up, Rachel assumes that her and Finn will date (since by this point they’ve kissed twice and been out on a date). Finn goes ahead and tells her he doesn’t actually want to be her boyfriend, which is fine because even though he led her on at least he’s honest.

He goes to hook up with hotter girls and when that doesn’t work out he goes back to Rachel, who now has Jesse. Rachel tells Finn that she’s moved on, which she has a right to do since Finn dumped her. Finn’s response? He’s not taking no for an answer and will not respect Rachel/Jesse’s relationship even though he had his chance. He goes on to betray Rachel’s trust and expose Rachel/Jesse’s relationship to everyone, taunt Jesse multiple times, and not back down. After Rachel tells him no again, he even sings Jessie’s Girl to her in front of multiple people and circles her while Rachel sits there uncomfortably.

After Finn leaves Rachel to go to the army comes back (after backpacking around for months without saying a word to anyone), he’s angry that Rachel moved on after he told her to do just that. He complains and is shown to be jealous of Rachel’s success. Once he finds out Rachel did kiss Brody, he runs off like a child to Lima, again without saying anything to Rachel. This forces Rachel to abandon her life in NYC for at least a whole day just to come find his pouty ass.

While Rachel maturely explains why they can’t be together anyone, Finn pathetically complains about how he now has no one in the world and how things will never be good again.

#3. How Finn Treats Other Males

I’ve already mentioned how he belittled Sam (also: when the Sam did the Justin Bieber experience, Finn claimed it was stupid and then after finding out he could get Quinn to cheat using a Bieber song, he stole Sam’s idea) and Jesse, and encouraged their girlfriends to sleep with him. So, let’s move on to Blaine. Blaine is a nice guy who joins the New Directions with the intention of helping them and finding love with Kurt. Finn, noticing Blaine’s talent, insults him multiple times and tries to make him feel as if he’s not part of the team.

Moving onto Kurt. Kurt is his friend and step-brother, yet he doesn’t really treat Kurt well. He indirectly calls him a fag, tells him to tone it down with the gay stuff, doesn’t stand up for him multiple times in fear of losing his high school popularity, and is shown to be uncomfortable in a lot of normal situations with Kurt. There’s an episode where Rachel asks Finn to stand up for Kurt and Finn blatantly says he can’t do it because of his reputation. In the end, all of this is resolved by him dancing with Kurt at a wedding (where the only people attending are the Glee clubbers and family members, all of which are already accepting), which does absolutely nothing to stop the fact that Kurt is being terrorized by Karofsky.

#4. Finn Is A Hypocrite

We’ve already covered the whole cheating thing where he constantly complains about being cheated on but encourages cheating himself. Let’s talk about how he berates Rachel for not giving up the spotlight or allowing talented people to join (Sunshine), but then is threatened and mean whenever any other talented male comes in. If Rachel insults someone or tries to steal a solo she’s a horrible, annoying diva. If Finn insults another nice male with more talent than him, Finn is an insecure teen who needs to be coddled and propped up by everyone.

In season one, Finn is creeped out by Kurt’s persistent crush on him. He says something along the lines of ‘if I did that to a girl, she would take out a restraining order’. But he does do stuff like that to girls. Again, Rachel says that she is dating Jesse and he needs to respect that and Finn continues to pursue her. Quinn says that she is dating Sam and doesn’t want to cheat, but Finn won’t take no for an answer and goes on anyways.

#5. Finn’s Prejudice

I’ve already mentioned how he screamed faggy at Kurt multiple times, but let’s look more into that. When Sam comes and wants to sing a duet with Kurt, Finn immediately finds Sam to say that he can’t do a duet with another guy. Sam says that he already promised and will be doing it, but Finn argues against it and later goes to tell Kurt that he shouldn’t sing with Sam. Poor Kurt is guilted into singing alone.

Finn later calls Sue’s baby a retard, even though he knows multiple people with Down syndrome and obviously knows that word is an insult. He says this when he is an adult, not a dumb teenager.

#6. Finn’s Reputation

Everyone constantly talks about how Finn was ever so brave for being nice to the Glee Club and joining them. No one mentions how Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Puck, Mike, and Matt also joined even though they were Cheerios/football players.

Finn cares about his reputation more than anyone else. At first, he won’t admit he likes Rachel because she’s a loser. He won’t pose in the Glee photo after promising Rachel he would. He won’t stand up for Kurt. In the episode where all of the football players have to choose between football and Glee, he is the only one not to show up. He basically tells Kurt to ‘tone down the gay’ multiple times. In another episode, he goes to throw a slushie in Kurt’s face because he needs to keep his popularity.

#7. Finn Compared to Others

Now, you might be saying ‘oh, but Santana, Quinn, and Rachel did bad stuff too’.

Okay, let’s talk about Santana first. Yes, Santana insults people all of the time and is a bitch. She also gets called out on it multiple times (while basically no one ever calls Finn out on anything), and she stands up for multiple glee members. Santana tapes a recorder to her under boob to get Sebastian in trouble after hurting Blaine, threatens Karofsky in the halls when he threatens to beat up Kurt/Blaine, creates the Bullywhips to protect Kurt, blackmails Karofsky so Kurt can come back to school, and threatens Brody with a Paula Abdul song after she finds out he’s shady.

Rachel is annoying yes, but everyone never forgets to tell her this. She constantly stands up for herself and others in the club. She’s the one that comes up with the idea for the guys to threaten Karofsky. She’s the one who offers everyone singing lessons, is down to do anything to help the club, and helps Kurt multiple times with songs/auditions. She’s nice to Quinn about the pregnancy, even though both of them know Quinn would have tortured her if the roles were reversed.

Now onto Quinn. I think Quinn is kind of a bad person, but again, people tell her this to her face. No one ever really tells Finn when he’s done something wrong, they just continue to praise him over basic human decency. Multiple people have told Quinn how horrible she is, and somehow acknowledging that she’s a bitch makes it less annoying to see because we know that something will be said/happen to her. For Finn, consequences don’t exist.

#8. Santana’s Outing

Okay, I’ve seen some people say that Santana was a bitch who deserved to be outed (no one deserves that) and that Finn wasn’t trying to tell everyone, just a couple people. So, we’ll disregard that he outed her in a high school hallway in a school that was openly homophobic.

After the outing, Santana slaps Finn and later Finn uses that as blackmail to get her back into the Glee Club for a week, saying it’s either that or no competition. Lady Music Week is humiliating. It consists of everyone singing a song while making deep eye contact with Santana while she sits there uncomfortably. Santana says multiple times that she doesn’t like the idea and doesn’t want attention on her, but of course Finn doesn’t listen because he can’t take no for an answer.

Finn sings Girls Just Want to Have Fun and everyone immediately disregards the fact that he said Santana’s biggest secret in front of multiple people.

#9. No One Blames Finn For Anything

Like I’ve said above, Finn cheats, isn’t there for his friends, insults people, has jealous rage, outs Santana, and cares about his reputation over everything, and yet no one says a word to him about this. No one goes ‘hey Finn, you’re acting like an ass’.

Finn is praised the entire show for being ‘the best guy in the world’. There’s a scene where Artie thanks Finn for being his friend and basically says that it was a sacrifice for Finn to step down from his popularity for a bit to slum it with the Glee Club. Again, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Mike, Puck, Sam, and Matt all joined even though they could’ve been popular. They receive no praise.

#10. Finn Is A Lazy Complainer

Finn spends most of high school not studying and playing video games. He’s also on the football team, but doesn’t really commit to football that much. He’s a mediocre high school student.

When college applications time comes around, Finn has the audacity to be shocked by the fact that he doesn’t get a football or theater scholarship. He spends all of season three complaining about how he’ll never get out of Lima, even though all we’ve seen from him is him plotting how to sleep with girls, whining about his reputation, and occasionally doing a decent thing. We never really see him work hard at anything.

He just complains constantly about everything and when Mr. Schue, Rachel, and Emma try to help him by giving him college pamphlets, he doesn’t even read them. He throws them out in the trash as soon as possible and then later goes on a rant about how he won’t be young forever, as if he never thought or learned about aging.

Then, in college, he’s shown to be a slacker who parties all day, drinks, and makes grilled cheeses. He even lies and manipulates college girls into taking off their tops, so hey, maybe he’s moved up a little in the world. Anyways, Puck has to come and tell him it isn’t cool to skip your classes.

Basically, Finn complained, finally got into a college, and then just slacked off again without learning anything

#glee #gleek #finn hudson #rachel #rachel berry #quinn fabray #santana lopez #kurt hummel #blaine #blaine anderson #sue sylvester #will schuester #sam #sam evans

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soulvomit · 3 years

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I’m realizing what some of my writing block is. This is why I’ve decided to only write *adult market.* I can’t write YA. I can’t even write for people who want to read YA. The narrative demands of an audience that wants everything to be Young Adult, are like handcuffs. I can’t write within those boundaries, I just can’t. I can’t even write for people who read Adult then get mad that it’s not YA. I can’t write even for younger readers of erotica. I can only write for people with roughly my same level of social experience who are coming from the same place, who don’t require their characters to be moral paragons, or who want to read something that is coming from a different place emotionally, or... for that matter... young people who prefer to read older work. Long winded diatribe about some of my more difficult, culturally incorrect romantic narratives I’ve written, as an example of this problem. In case you’re not going to read behind the read-more, no, I don’t write incest or pedo. (Doesn’t mean I won’t write a character who has experienced this if it comes up, I haven’t yet, but who knows. But I don’t write positive portrayals of it. I feel I need to write this disclaimer here.)

Looking at my writing - I have some scenes I’ve written that are very passionate. It’s basically an OC fanfic type of scenario, it’s writing I did that spun off of a game setting my characters were in for a very long time, about two characters who later ended up married. (And I often do this when game groups fall apart, I start writing about my characters.) It’s some of my best writing, and I’ve often thought about filing the serial numbers off and cannibalizing this for some totally original setting. In the piece I’m looking at, the characters haven’t jumped each other’s bones yet, but there is a strong attraction between two lonely, unattached coworkers that is growing into... outright longing. These are middle aged divorcees with children. They have navigated love and lust before. They have been adults at this point for a long time. They are both sexually experienced (her, in fact, much more than him). It’s clear that they utterly want to rail each other from dusk to dawn until neither one of them can walk. Much of this is from the point of view of the male character. (And I LOVE writing het from the male point of view; it’s one of my favorite love/sex dynamics to write.) They’re definitely conscious of this attraction and in their private thoughts that I’ve written, before the attraction is consummated, there’s definitely “strong crush” energy. These are experienced, sexually mature, middle aged people who are both divorcees with children and they definitely are guessing correctly about the other person’s attraction and interest. They’re imperfect people: they’ve made bad life choices in the past. They’re equals, but it’s never *explicitly pointed out.* He’s a hypermasculine (but not toxically) and badass warrior type, she’s an engineer. She is older than he is, but that never matters and never comes up any more than the fact that I’m 6 years older than my fiance, ever comes up in our relationship. All four of us are *middle aged people* and it is just not a topic of conversation. Another thing that’s “eh” by YA standards is that The thing with how I portray and read erotic or romantic stuff, is that I am an older, experienced person, and I like stuff about older, experienced people. People who already know how to navigate these situations and don’t necessarily need everything spelled out. The thing is, I almost feel like - because of changing sexual mores - I can only write for people over 40 unless I totally rewrite the way everything goes and even the emotional temperature of their early relationship. Even though it’s very clear that my characters are absolutely mutually into each other, and it would be clear to any experienced person who navigates body language, I would have to navigate a whole new set of mores around having to outright spoonfeed my audience - we are really into tell don’t show now, we are really into long winded prefaces to everything explaining how everyone involved is really a good person, and I notice that there’s so little comprehension of nuance or subtlety now, things have to be spelled out, one character reading another person’s body language and flirting at a subtler level would be considered gross and against the present day’s mores around consent. My characters ultimately end up making out and going to bed and they never, ever talk about it and they never process it. The establishment of consent is very, very brief and amounts to one middle aged horny person basically saying “wanna fuck” to another middle aged horny person (personally, my absolute favorite way to start a relationship, that’s how my current and best relationship started, 10/10 highly recommend) and, 12 hours later, the other person pulling them into their hotel room. It’s the kind of establishment of consent that you would’ve seen in an older work and it’s not a particularly complicated dance. I didn’t write this work for public consumption outside of a handful of people and perhaps if I did, maybe I would have written it differently because I’d have to assume that “show don’t tell” doesn’t work on audiences who don’t read nuance, I don’t know. Also, in the lead up to the two characters doing the do, they totally sexually objectify each other in their heads. They think about how much they’d really, really like to pounce on each other. And this is... objectifying, or something. I always portray consent but there’s never a complicated ritual around it. I don’t enjoy writing that. Also, I really enjoy writing and reading stuff with spontaneous passion. I LOVE stuff where it’s even a little over the top.

But the big thing that seems to have changed? The big social more? It feels like you’re not really allowed to show your characters crushing too hard, or desiring too much. They’re certainly never allowed to have frustrating desire or one-sided attractions. (I’ve written lots of those. How the character acts on it or doesn’t, is going to depend upon what type of character I’m writing. I have a couple of one sided best friend crush types of dynamics that I’ve written, usually it’s same sex and incompatible sexual orientation.) Characters are not really allowed to be horny and there seems to be a general disgust with horniness. Which is difficult to navigate because I love horny work, about horny people. I love stuff about crushes and frustrated limerence. Also? I even love forbidden romance and forbidden sex and sometimes, and even characters doing things they’re Not Supposed To Do. (I think this is why so many people in my age group are into crime fiction, stuff about illicit affairs, etc.) I have the standard legal and moral limits, but yes I will even read about characters cheating on their spouses. It doesn’t mean I condone what the character is doing or want to do it, and it’s satisfying to see how the situation resolves. (It has to have consequences or it’s just not believable.)

But even age differences between grown ass adults and massive social differences don’t bother me. I love reading and writing common and royal, rich and poor, people from forbidden and different social worlds.

I’m presently writing something in which a young (but adult) witch is married to an immortal god, and finds out she’s one of millions of his brides through history, and hundreds in the present time. And she is going to stay married to him because that’s part of, in my world, being the type of witch she is. OF COURSE there’s a power difference because HE’S A GOD. The story also spends a lot of time with her as a child, because I write CRADLE TO GRAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I love to spend a character’s entire life with them, from the time they’re born to the time they die. But leaving that aside. The sweetest and most tender romance I’ve ever written, involved a sad 50something man and a 25ish year old woman. I was in my 20s when I wrote this. I had lived with the male character in my head for a long time and knew him inside and out. I was delighted when I realized that sparks were flying between him and another character, I’d lived through this character’s life story and its long history of unhappy self-sacrifice, and I decided to follow to see where it led... and it was delightful! I decided to let him have the happy ending. He deserved it after all of this time. She was the initiator of the relationship. She’s in love with him. He is a widower who’s lost everything and now he has a chance to rebuild his life and start a family with this new person. She has other suitors but wants him. She gets pregnant. But it’s narratively a blessing. She wants him, she wants their child, and he’s delighted (especially since his late wife and child are dead), it’s a matrilineal culture, she and the child will stay on the land with her family after he dies. This is a blessing for him. They’re on her family’s land and he’s an exile with no home. She is NOT a Literal Child; she is a grown-ass adult with her own agency, who is sexually experienced, and who has born a lot of responsibility, and is in a prominent social position. His existence is at the mercy of her family, though they keep him around because of his knowledge and abilities. He is the one who doesn’t initiate the relationship, because he’s conscious of the age difference and feels like an old fool, and worries she’ll tire of him one day. Who has the power? Also, he’s a “fish out of water” from another (completely fictitious) culture who ends up totally living among, and assimilating into, this new culture, and basically living out the rest of his life among them, with his bride and their children. And that’s something that isn’t supposed to happen, right? (Writers whose characters just show up in their heads, will relate to this. I don’t even pick my characters’ love interests.)

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ladylynse · 4 years

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The Trouble with Ghosts - Part X [FF | AO3]

Lancer hadn’t realized how closely young Mr. Fenton’s school troubles–and the secrets he surely wasn’t telling his parents–were tied to ghosts until after that encounter with Phantom.

<< < Part X >

-|-

The Picture of Dorian Gray, he didn’t think he could stand much more of this.

“Vlad’s like you,” Lancer repeated, and Danny squirmed. “Vlad Masters. The mayor.”

“How many other Vlads do you know?” Danny mumbled, not looking at him.

Lancer didn’t bother to answer that. “He shares your, ah, affliction, and he’s actively hunting you down?” Were there others? Lancer wasn’t sure he wanted to ask right now—Danny would surely latch onto that and turn the conversation in an entirely different direction—but the thought was…disquieting. A human with ghostly abilities…. The potential abuse of power alone was a terrifying prospect, but the number of people who might attempt to gain these powers, were the truth known that such a thing was possible….

Danny pulled a face but looked up. “I dunno if you can call it an affliction. We’re not sick. I mean, Vlad had the ecto-acne, but that was just because he got blasted in the face. I think. Maybe the pop did way more than just make the proto-portal malfunction. It’s just…. This is more a state of being. We just are this way. It’s easier not to question it.”

Easier for him, no doubt. Lancer wanted to press for details about whatever accident Danny was alluding to—he could guess what the proto-portal must have been, given the installation in the Fentons’ basement, though he was at a loss for everything else—but he didn’t want to allow young Mr. Fenton to lead him on a merry chase away from the subject at hand. Which he was clearly trying to do. Again.

Fortunately, it sounded like the circumstances that led to the creation of these ghostly abilities in humans were rare. Danny hadn’t given any details about his own accident, but if Vlad’s had involved a proto-portal—

No. He wasn’t going to ask now. The dubious safety of the FentonWorks lab could be addressed later. At least…. At least it wasn’t as bad as Lancer had first feared. At least Danny was still alive. He and Vlad both displayed too many signs of life for that not to be the case, particularly if Vlad’s accident had happened in his college years.

“So why, for David Copperfield’s sake, would Mr. Masters be hunting you instead of helping you?” If Vlad’s experience was remotely similar, and surely there must be similarity enough if the effects were the same, he could be helping Danny. Guiding him through this. Rebuilding an old friendship with Jack and Maddie while getting to know their kids. If he fancied Danny as the son he’d never had—

“Hunting me down isn’t the best way of putting it, either,” Danny said instead of answering what Lancer thought was a perfectly reasonable question. “He’s not like Skulker. He doesn’t want my pelt at the foot of his bed or on his mantle or anything gross like that.”

Lancer barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Danny was trying to sprinkle in little details that he hoped Lancer would follow up on instead of the more pressing matters at hand. The bait was blatantly obvious.

And harder not to take than it was to spot.

“You said he wishes you were his son. That he’s obsessed, to the point that he’s been conducting genetic experiments. If he wishes to be a mentor to you, why does he seem so set on trying to destroy you?”

“Uh. That’s not really important. I mean, it’s Vlad. It’s hard to say anyway.”

Sometimes, it was very hard to remember that he’d signed up to help his students, not strangle them.

“I rather think I know enough that telling me a few more supposedly unimportant details won’t make a significant difference to my health, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Danny winced. “Can we just change the subject for now and circle back later?”

Fine. If Danny didn’t want to talk about it right now, they didn’t have to talk about it right now. There was more than enough time for him to tell Lancer exactly which ghost was associated with the mayor—though he had an awful feeling that he might already know, if he allowed himself to think about it for any length of time. In the meantime, there were a number of other matters they should talk about sooner rather than later.

“Would you rather discuss exactly what you should tell Miss Gray?”

“…No?”

“Because you aren’t going to continue to let her do this,” Lancer continued. It wasn’t a question, and from the look on Danny’s face, he knew that. “You can’t. However skilled a ghost hunter she is, however skilled at evading her you usually are, you cannot allow her to continue to hunt you down simply because you feel that it is easier to be hurt and bear that pain and these secrets than to hurt her by telling her the truth.”

“Would you still be saying that if she shot me in the face with her ecto-gun once I told her?”

“Mr. Fenton. Do you honestly believe that would be her reaction?”

Danny was quiet for a moment. Then, “I guess not. But it’s still a possibility.”

“A more distant one than I’m sure you imagine,” Lancer said dryly. “Miss Gray is merely seeking to protect this town, much as you are. If neither of you will stop, you can at the very least share the burden and not make things worse for yourselves.” Danny looked like he was trying to come up with something he could use as a decent protest to this point, so Lancer added, “And if you do not tell her now, you will only invite more trouble for yourself. She is surely suspicious of us both, and if she does go to the mayor with her concerns….”

“Vlad’s going to be a problem either way.” Lancer just looked at Danny, and Danny relented. “But, yeah, you’re right, if Val mentions seeing me, he’ll know exactly where I am. I just…. Do I really have to tell her?”

That was a concession, whether or not Danny had realized it. “You do know her secret.”

“That’s, um, part of the problem.”

“Which will only grow into a greater problem unless you actively do something to resolve it. Contrary to what we all wish, most problems do not go away when ignored. It is high time you stopped ignoring this one. And once you tell Miss Gray, you will have a better idea of how to tackle the issue when you tell your parents.”

“But I don’t….” Danny trailed off. Lancer didn’t need to have as many years teaching under his belt as he did to recognize the unhappy expression on Danny’s face. He didn’t want to do this. He had no desire to do this now.

But he also knew he should, and that was one of the many reasons Lancer was going to win this particular argument.

Really, he already had.

“Are you ready to discuss Mr. Masters candidly, then?” Danny shook his head, so Lancer sighed and got to his feet. “Very well. I’ll see if I can catch Miss Gray—or the Red Huntress. Please, for the love of Robinson Crusoe, stay here. You won’t be doing anyone any favours if you try to sneak off, least of all yourself.” In a softer tone, he added, “You aren’t out of the woods quite yet.”

“Vlad doesn’t want me dead,” was all Danny said. He didn’t promise to stay put, and Lancer wasn’t keen on the idea of trusting in young Mr. Fenton’s common sense, but between what Danny had confided and what Lancer had guessed, he hoped there was enough trust between them for Danny to trust him, too.

And trust him enough to listen to him.

He didn’t know if he’d be able to find Valerie, but he knew that if he didn’t leave now, he had no hope until after school was let out. The lunch break would be over soon. If she truly intended to observe that, she couldn’t stay in his neighbourhood for long, even if she was looking for clues to Phantom’s whereabouts. Furthermore, if he were able to find her, convincing her to come back with him would take more time. If Danny truly wanted to run, he’d have ample opportunity.

But trust must go both ways.

Still, it was hard not to regret leaving Danny alone.

XXXXXXXX

Danny wanted to bolt. He stayed in bed, holding his breath and listening as Lancer locked the front door behind him. And then he wanted to jump up and transform and fly away and hide.

Except he still couldn’t fly, and even if he just walked out the front door and left it unlocked behind him, invisibility was still out. And he didn’t know what he could tell his parents about what had happened to him when they inevitably found him. If he walked out as Fenton, someone could call them, if only so they could get some peace and quiet. If he walked out as Phantom, well….

Danny sighed and slumped back.

Despite what he’d implied when talking about Sam and Tucker borrowing the Spectre Speeder, getting into the Ghost Zone was easier said than done right now, if only because getting home undetected seemed nearly impossible. It offered no guarantee of sanctuary, anyway—at least not from Vlad. Even if there were somewhere safe he could go, running wouldn’t solve his problems. Lancer wasn’t going to let this go. He wouldn’t just forget about this. He wouldn’t just ignore it. Danny had no way to reset the situation.

He wasn’t sure he’d do that even if he had the chance.

He hadn’t thought anyone would react like this. Jazz was concerned, sure, but she’d never tried to stop him from doing what he was. She opposed Vlad when she could, they all did, but he knew she wasn’t doing as much as she might because protecting his secret meant protecting Vlad’s, too.

Except Lancer had figured out his secret, and Danny had told him about Vlad, and even if Vlad could get Lancer fired or worse, Lancer was willing to take the risk.

Or, more accurately, Lancer was willing to face the consequences.

Because there would be consequences.

There had to be consequences.

Even Valerie…. What would Valerie say to this? What would Lancer say to her when he found her? How much was he going to tell her before he expected Danny to admit to everything he’d kept secret for so long? Would Valerie even be able to look him in the eye after this? Would she warm to Phantom because it was him or scorn Fenton because of what he was?

“I need to not worry about this,” Danny muttered. That was easier said than done, of course. Just because he couldn’t control how anyone else would react didn’t mean he wouldn’t rather keep them in the dark forever.

But Lancer was right.

Sooner or later, that ignorance would put them in danger. He might not be able to protect them. And…and not telling them was as much for selfish reasons as any excuse he told himself to justify putting off telling the truth. He really was protecting himself more than he was protecting them.

It was just…hard.

Even just thinking about telling them everything. Valerie, his parents…. So much had happened. Maybe too much. He knew it was easy to put it off, he knew that would only make telling them later harder, but he still….

He still wished he had more time. That he could do this on his own terms. That he didn’t feel forced into it, between Vlad’s actions and Lancer’s decrees.

If he was being honest with himself, though, he knew that he might never tell anyone unless he had to.

It was too easy to focus on the possible negatives than dare to hope for any of the positives.

Danny lost track of time. He didn’t notice the door open, but he heard voices, and a sudden terror seized in his chest. Lancer had found Valerie. Whatever he’d told her, he’d brought her back, and—

“Danny?” That was Valerie, knocking on the door frame of Lancer’s spare room. Danny blinked and tried to focus. Judging by the confusion on her face, Lancer hadn’t told her much. “Mr. Lancer said you needed to talk to me?”

She didn’t ask why it couldn’t wait, why he hadn’t said anything when she’d been there earlier, or what would so important that Lancer had gone after her and would be perfectly okay with her skipping school for this.

She didn’t really need to, though.

“Yeah.” His voice was weak. Danny swallowed, unsuccessfully trying to push down his fear, and said, “Sit down, Val.”

She looked over her shoulder, but Lancer hadn’t followed her. She moved to the foot of the bed and sat. As the silence stretched between them, Danny could hear a kettle beginning to boil.

Tea—or whatever Lancer offered them—wouldn’t fix this.

Danny wasn’t even sure it would smooth things over.

But it would give him something to hide behind, and Danny was grateful for that.

“What’s going on?” Valerie finally asked.

“I….” How was he supposed to go about this? He never intended to tell Valerie like this. He wasn’t even sure he’d ever intended to tell her. “It’s, um…. It’s kinda complicated.”

She waited, raising her eyebrows in a prompt to continue when he didn’t.

“It’s just….” Asking her to promise not to freak out wouldn’t do any good. “Look, recently Mr. Lancer, um, kinda found out a few things.”

“About?”

Everything. “Some, uh, ghost stuff. It’s…. I’m sorry. This isn’t easy to explain.”

Valerie frowned. “Danny, if this is about something your parents invented, why not talk to Sam and Tucker? They know more about that stuff than I do.”

“It’s…not exactly that? It’s, uh….”

“Look, just why did you want to talk to me? It’s not that I don’t want to be your friend, but this doesn’t really seem like it involves me. I should be in school. You should probably be sleeping if you won’t go to a hospital. Y’know, to regain your strength.”

There was no easy way to say any of this. “I know your secret.”

She froze for a split second before forcing a smile. “It’s not really a secret anymore. Besides, I hardly have to do the mascot job now. I’ve got enough seniority that I’m usually on cash or in the back.”

“I don’t mean your job at the Nasty Burger.” He should just come out and say it. He should—

“I made you two some hot chocolate,” Lancer said, coming into the room with two steaming mugs topped with little marshmallows. He set them on the dresser. “I’ll be in the kitchen doing some marking if you need anything.”

They watched as he left, neither moving to grab the hot chocolate. Danny was tempted, but—

“This is weird,” Valerie said. “I mean, Mr. Lancer’s being nice and all, but it’s still weird. I’m just going to head back to school, okay? Call me after if you actually need something, and—”

“I know you’re the Red Huntress,” Danny said.

Valerie couldn’t school her expression quickly enough, but she still poured the incredulity into her voice as she asked, “Are you kidding? You think I’m the Red Huntress? I mean, I’m flattered, she’s awesome, but I barely have time to do my homework as it is.”

“You got your new suit from Technus,” Danny continued, “but Vlad still supplies all your weapons. And I’m assuming he empties your thermos, too. He’s got a ghost portal in his secret lab.”

Valerie stared at him. “Vlad. As in Vlad Masters? You think he has a secret lab with a ghost portal? Your parents are the ghost hunters, Danny, not him.”

“They worked together in college,” Danny said. “They thought Vlad gave it up after his accident, but he didn’t. He just focused on some other stuff for a while.” He took a slow breath and then chickened out rather than take this opportunity to spill everything. “I know the whole story, Valerie. Including why you started doing this in the first place. You don’t need to keep pretending.”

Valerie studied him in silence, maybe trying to figure out if she could convince him he was wrong. In the end, all she said was, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help when you got caught in that ghost fight.”

You were. “It, ah, wasn’t the kind of ghost fight that you’re thinking. Look, I know this is a lot to take in. I’ve known for a long time. Pretty much right from the start.”

“How? Who told you?”

Danny rubbed the back of his neck. “No one really needed to tell me. And, uh, you should know that Lancer figured it out, too. When you came by this afternoon.”

Now her eyes were narrowed. “And what gave him that idea? That I’m the Red Huntress just because I dropped by to do some fundraising?”

Danny swallowed. “Because he knows—we both know—that that’s not why you really came. You’re looking for Phantom.”

Valerie straightened up, the last vestiges of her pretense dropping away completely. “He’s here, isn’t he? I knew it. My tracker’s never been that far off. He’s the one who told you two, isn’t he?” Perhaps catching the look on Danny’s face, she hastened to add, “It’s nothing personal, I swear. I know you think he’s a good ghost, but—”

“Valerie, the whole reason you’re hunting ghosts is because it’s personal. You think Phantom’s the reason your dad lost his job, and—”

“You don’t know the whole story,” Valerie interrupted. “You can’t, so don’t pretend you do. And it’s not just about Phantom. He’s not the only ghost in this town. He’s just the only one that’s convinced everyone else except your parents and Mr. Masters that he’s good.”

“Actually,” Danny said slowly, “you’re the one who doesn’t know the whole story.”

He wished he had the hot chocolate to hide behind now, but it was a good thing Valerie was empty-handed; she might be tempted to throw it on him otherwise. It wouldn’t stop her from calling up her suit and trying to shoot him, but hopefully the fact that this was Lancer’s house would if nothing else did. Maybe she’d just settle for screaming at him?

“What are you talking about? Of course I—”

“The thing is,” interrupted Danny, “you never let me tell it.”

“Just now?”

“Pretty much any time you saw me.” She was confused. He could see that easily enough. Confused and ready to protest. Again. And he…. He just had to say it. Say it and show her. “Cujo’s not my dog, and I never meant to ruin your life. I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m….” He’d come too far not to say it, but he found himself staring at his hands and unable to meet her eyes. “I’m Danny Phantom.”

Silence.

He risked looking up, only to see her staring at him. “I’m, uh, not kidding. I really am Phantom.”

Her expression gave away nothing, so he risked transforming.

It was the only thing he could do to show her, anyway. To prove that he was telling the truth. About everything.

Valerie’s expression tightened, her hands balling into fists, but she didn’t call out her suit. She didn’t try to shoot him.

She blinked.

Blinked again.

Abruptly stood up and left—fled—without a word.

Danny didn’t try to follow her. He just sat there, hoping she’d come back. When he heard Mr. Lancer down the hall, he knew she wasn’t. He got up, closed the bedroom door, and grabbed the two mugs of hot chocolate from the dresser. He kept one as he crawled back into bed and set the other on the bedside table, hoping the drinks would be distraction enough from what had happened.

The mug was lukewarm in his hands, but his insides were cold. He wasn’t particularly hungry anymore, but maybe this would warm him up. He just felt… He just needed something. Jazz would probably hug him, talk to him, but he wasn’t about to go out there and chase Valerie down. He’d rather ask for her forgiveness later. Sometime when he’d worked up the nerve to see her again and she’d actually want to see him again.

Danny took a sip of the hot chocolate. The marshmallows had melted into a sweet foam on top. Ordinarily, he’d like it, but now….

It was hard to keep his stomach from turning, given Val’s reaction.

After how Lancer had taken it, he’d hoped…. He’d hoped it wouldn’t be this bad. He’d hoped she’d at least talk to him, even if that talk had started with yelling.

But just leaving….

It was too easy to remember Spectra’s words. Too easy to be tempted to believe them.

Not a ghost, not a boy. A freak. Just some creepy little boy with creepy little powers.

Valerie must see him that way, and if she took it like this…. He’d have to do the damage control he could. Convince Lancer to give it up. Not keep pursuing this, wanting him to tell his parents or do something about Vlad. Things didn’t have to change. He didn’t…. He couldn’t….

The first tear dripped off his chin and into his hot chocolate.

By the time the last one fell, the drink in his hands was cold.

XXXXXX

Lancer had made a point of leaving the kids to themselves. He didn’t think he’d be a mediating force as much as an interference; the fact that he’d arranged everything, that this meeting was taking place on his terms at his house, should be mediation enough. If he gave them the time to sort this out for themselves, they could work through whatever needed to be worked through. Then, he could help them when they were ready for his help.

He only got halfway through the first essay before Miss Gray appeared at his side. A few tears tracked down her cheeks; most still gathered in her eyes, no doubt blurring her vision as she looked down at him. “Did you know?” she whispered.

He had perhaps misjudged the situation after all. Lancer gestured for Valerie to pull out a chair, and she did, barely looking as she flopped down. “I learned about your, ah, extracurricular activities less than an hour ago.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I’m afraid I only found out about Mr. Fenton’s condition this morning as well.” In truth, it hadn’t been long before Miss Gray had turned up on his doorstep, but it felt much longer.

Maybe he had pushed too hard, rushed this, but given the circumstances his students were facing, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

It was better that the truth came out now rather than in worse circumstances. Whatever Danny thought, he couldn’t keep his secret forever. From the rest of the world, sure, but those he interacted with so often? Particularly when he’d said his ghostly enemies were well aware of the situation? Not all the ghosts he faced would be so honourable as to respect his wishes. Sooner or later, one would come along which would use his secrecy against him.

As far as Lancer was concerned, Vlad Masters already was.

“Then you….” Valerie sniffed and wiped at her nose with the back of one hand. “Then you know what I’ve done. What I’ve been doing. I…I thought…. Why wouldn’t he just tell me? Explain? I wouldn’t have…. I wouldn’t….”

“I expect he was afraid,” Lancer murmured. He reached over to the counter for a box of tissues and passed them to Valerie. She took one and almost immediately needed another. “Not of you, Miss Gray. Not exactly. He was afraid to hope for the best. This means that he feared not being believed, that the misunderstandings would grow, or perhaps that people would be angry at him for keeping his secret as long as he did and not try to understand why he would make that choice. Perhaps most of all, he feared the consequences of hoping the truth would be well received and finding that hope misplaced.”

Valerie sniffled but said nothing.

“Some of his reasons for keeping his secrets,” added Lancer quietly, “might well align with yours.”

She stiffened but didn’t deny it, which confirmed his suspicion that very few people knew the identity of the Red Huntress.

“Another reason for wanting to keep his secret is that he didn’t want to hurt you with the truth.”

“That’s stupid,” Valerie said immediately. “I mean, I could’ve…. I almost….” She shook her head. “I need to tell my benefactor. He’ll…. He’ll be able to fix my stuff. Make sure it doesn’t hurt Danny. So I don’t do this again by mistake. I don’t…. I can’t hurt him. Not again.”

Lancer blinked. Danny hadn’t told her that Vlad—? “I’m afraid Mr. Masters is already aware of the situation.”

“What?” The news seemed to have shocked away her tears. “No, he can’t be. He’s only after ghosts. Danny’s human.” She hesitated. “Isn’t he?”

“He’s still human,” Lancer assured her. He didn’t know the details, but if nothing else, Danny was human in every way that mattered.

At least Valerie wasn’t trying to deny Vlad’s involvement. She no doubt correctly suspected that Danny had filled him in on that little tidbit after he’d deduced her identity. That was for the best; he’d like her cooperation moving forward.

“Then he can’t know. He wouldn’t…. He asked me to go after Phantom!”

“From what Danny tells me,” Lancer said quietly, “he is not the most scrupulous of people.” Cloning. Experimentation. He’d spare Valerie the details for now; she’d no doubt have questions he couldn’t answer. “You would have to ask Danny to explain what he can to you. In the grand scheme of things, I fear he’s told me very little.”

Valerie said nothing, focusing instead on stuffing the mound of damp tissues on her lap into a dry one, which she promptly shoved into her pocket.

At least it wasn’t another denial.

“I know this is a lot to take in.” Treasure Island, he knew. “It may be little comfort, but I called the school after you went in to talk to Danny. Your absence this afternoon is excused. I know you would likely prefer to clear your head, but if you’re willing, Danny could use our help.”

Her mouth twisted. “Right. Because he’s still recovering. From being in a ghost fight. Where he was the ghost.” She took a shuddering breath and wiped at her eyes. “Yeah. I’ll do whatever I can.”

-|-

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teacup-crow · 4 years

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Next Friday

*this is a repost because Tumblr broke on me earlier! I was ill for two days and could only really lie in bed and wrote this. Set after S5M15, based more around M17, warnings for requisite Season 5 sadness, effects of hunger and Australian levels of swearing.

Summary: Nadia, Owen and Veronica plan next week’s movie night.

Owen is an idiot, Veronica has always thought. But lately, he’s their idiot. Popping up in the lab asking her opinions on irrigation techniques - not her area, of course, but the science behind some of it is fascinating. Appearing during Friday movie nights with Nadia, which had always been their thing, but still respecting that. Appreciating whatever they chose. Never pushing things too far. He’s really good at cooking, too, eking out the most flavour possible from their smaller and smaller ration packs - and always making sure they eat before he does. Maybe there isn’t too much going on upstairs, but he’s nice. He doesn’t judge her, or set her off, or sit too close, or try and make eye contact like Ian does.

“Only liars don’t look people in the eye, Veronica,” Ian had hissed earlier that afternoon. He’d asked some inane question about Sigrid’s taste in wine, and she’d tried to brush him off but he was having none of it. “I know you’re the Minister’s precious little poppet, but I don’t trust you. Nobody likes creepy children who hover around where they’re not wanted. You and your nasty, sneaky girl guide friends… although they don’t really like you either, do they? Not really one for friends your own age, are you?”

She’d stared right ahead, still avoiding his face. “I need to get on with my work, Ian. Haven’t you got things to be doing for Sigrid too?”

He got a tad frostier. “Watch your tone. It’s the Minister to you. And she isn’t here right now, sweetheart, is she?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Say one more thing to me in that tone of voice, Miss McShell, one more thing, and you won’t see your Nadia for a very, very long time.”

The beaker in Veronica’s hand cracked around the base as she squeezed it. What tone? She’d tried to be polite. She could feel his stinking breath on her neck, knew his flat grey eyes would be right there if she looked at them, full of blazing jealousy and spite. And he wouldn’t, couldn’t follow through on that threat, could he? She was here of her own volition.

“Hey, Ronnie! And - oh, hello, I- Commander. We were just going to lunch?” Owen hurried into the lab, his voice bright and giving nothing away, but Veronica noticed from years of analysing it that his posture was stiff for a trained Runner. Beaten, perhaps, or anxious? Ian sneered a little at the sight of him, but backed off, probably appeased by the honorific, and she let Runner Six take her by the hand and pull her away. He’d sat her between himself and Runner Thirteen, and tried to get them engaged in a silly story about the time a koala attempted to steal his mum’s van. She’d ended up explaining to them the high rates of chlamydia among koalas, getting a bit confused when Cameo and Owen found the facts so funny. And the day passed safely - at least until he made a run for it.

The sweat is pouring off Owen’s face now as she attempts to dig the bullet out of his leg, swearing profusely even for an Australian. “Jesus FUCK!”

“I’ve not done this before! I'm trying my best.”

“Fucking Ian, the mangy bastard cu-”

Nadia clamps her hands over Veronica’s ears as if she’s never heard the word before. “Please, just keep it down before someone tips him off!”

Ian hadn’t seen the need to let a ‘traitorous, stupid boy’ use ‘limited medical resources’. Owen is supposed to be back on punishment detail, 5am sharp, or face the consequences. The only thing keeping him from the box is the fact that Cameo is already occupying it. So here they are in the lab, after hours, with a sixteen year old girl trying to stop him bleeding out with very little time, experience or painkillers.

“Ya know, I’ve been through a fair amount of utter bollocking bollocks this apocalypse but really-“

“Runner Six, will you shut it!” And then, closer to his ear, out of Veronica’s earshot: “Did it work?”

He gives the slightest of nods. She smiles, broad and genuine, though her face is thin. They’re all getting a little more haggard, day by day. Veronica glances at the two of them, lovingly gazing at each other, and resolves that she’ll find some clever way to bring their lack of food up to the Minister. Sigrid is a smart woman; if she had any inkling that her top scientist keeps finding hair on her pillow each morning, that her fingernails are brittle, that three people collapsed in the fields last week, that for the first time since meeting Nadia she can count each and every rib, she’d surely do something to curb Ian’s ridiculous power trip.

She yanks at the bullet. Owen screams blue murder. Nadia shoves a balled up tea towel into his mouth, and deadpans: “So much for movie night.”

“I wasn’t really looking forward to The Green Mile,” Veronica admits. “I don’t know what you have against Planet Earth.”

“The fact that I have seen the same episode of the same documentary a thousand times in the last three years may play a part, Ronnie.”

“...only thirty-three.”

“What?”

“I pick the movie every other week. Because of many changes in circumstance, we’ve only had a hundred and nine movie nights. I pick Planet Earth approximately sixty percent of the time. We’ve seen it thirty-three times in the last two and a half years.”

Nadia sighs, and removes the cloth from Owen’s mouth. “You holding up?”

“I’m sorry for ruining your plans, ladies. Next time I try to escape from budget bloody Percy Wetmore, I promise not to do it on a Friday,” Owen pants, but the pain seems to be receding. “Ya know, if I had a nickel for every time I got shot in this calf, I’d have two nickels.”

“Which isn’t a lot, but insane that it happened twice, right?” Nadia responds with a short laugh.

“Did you both spend all your time watching children’s shows pre-apocalypse?”

“Hey, I was a kid pre-apocalypse! She has no excuse.”

“Um, ATC work was stressful and I make no excuses for how I enjoyed my free time.”

“But if you’re twenty-four now, you were eighteen on Z-day, Owen,” Veronica points out.

“Eighteen year olds are still kids, Ronnie.” His voice is suddenly quite tired. He squeezes Nadia’s hand as Veronica pulls the first stitch, hissing between his teeth a little.

She juts out her chin. “I’m younger than that and I’m not a child.”

Neither of them dispute that, though she still cuts a tiny figure in a too-large lab coat, sleeves rolled up three times to make it fit.

“How do you know it’s from a children’s show, anyway, Miss-never-watched-Disney-Channel?”

“...I don’t have to answer that if I’m not comfortable.”

Nadia shoots her an expressing your boundaries thumbs-up. She feels the worry in her chest loosen a little. Everything will be fine. She’ll get Owen’s leg stitched, and today’s drama will force Sigrid’s hand. The Minister will come to Abel and fix things, and she can get back to working on the cure, and Owen and Nadia will be safe and look after each other.

“I’m going to head back to my bunk, I think,” Nadia says, a tinge of fear in her voice as she glances through the darkening window. “Better not to be missed too long, and I should check on Cameo. She… she distracted Ian from you for a bit. It didn’t look pretty.”

“We’ll be all right, Naddi, you go on,” Owen squeezes her hand one last time, and lies back on the lab table. Veronica nods, absorbed in her task. They hear her wheels clatter down the ramp and fade across the square, quiet as footsteps.

“So, you like Planet Earth a lot?”

“I used to watch it with Dad.”

“Oh. Makes sense. My mum’s a big Tom Hanks fan. I’ve probably seen every movie he’s been in… well, about thirty-three times as well.”

“You know there’s a video of Castaway in the rec room, right?”

“I brought it back, actually. Years ago, now. But I don’t know if I can watch it, yeah? I’m scared it might make me think about her too much.”

“Owen,” Veronica finishes the stitches, and starts to clean up some of the blood. She’s watched Kefilwe do this dozens of times. Antiseptic. Dabbing rather than smearing. Keep the patient’s mind off the sting. “Do you remember what your mum looks like?”

The silence that follows makes her wonder if this is a faux pas. He eventually responds: “No, not quite.”

“No, me neither. I have a photo, but I can’t picture them as actual living people. Memories are really interesting that way, actually. We’re not as visual as-“

“Ronnie. Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay.” She racks her brains for small talk. “Do you… like it here at Abel?”

“What, now?” He snorts. “With that pinstripe suit cu-”

Veronica clamps her hands over her own ears, knowing Nadia wouldn’t want her to hear it. He smiles, and raises his hands in apology.

“No, not now. Before.”

“It was all right. Home. Safe. You knew Janine was looking out for ya. There was always enough food to go round.”

“But did you feel like you fit in?” she presses.

“...can’t say I did.”

“Me neither,” she says, a little relieved.

“Runners are quite a superstitious bunch. And I’m unlucky.”

Her brow scrunches in confusion. “Bad luck isn’t a very scientific reason to dislike someone.”

“Can you tell that to getting tied to train tracks, set on fire and repeatedly shot at?”

“Actually, Dad was working on a statistical model of danger to Runners in his spare time. I found it a while ago, me and Nadia were repurposing it to make missions safer. When I include Five in the sample, you actually fall under the average for number of dangerous situations encountered.”

“Uh, I think Five is an outlier.”

“You’re probably right.” She wraps the wound in bandages, and tucks them in. “Done!”

“I owe you one, Ronnie.”

“Just… stay safe. Both of you. I haven’t got time to worry about you two as well as curing the zombie plague.”

“You’re only a… you shouldn’t be worried about us at all, squirt.”

She shrugs. “It’s not my fault you do worrying things. If he puts you in a cell and you can’t change the dressings frequently just do your best to keep it clean.”

“Will do!” He swings off the table, avoiding putting weight on his leg as much as possible. “Whatever he does, I’ll try to make next Friday, all right?”

She nods. Next Friday, she’ll pick out Castaway, and they’ll watch it together, and maybe movie night can be Owen’s thing too.

#zrs5 spoilers #zombies run #zr #owen landis #veronica mcshell #nadia al hanaki #please work this time!

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deviant3lover · 4 years

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Personal Headcanons for the Trio

On a rare spark of inspiration, I’ve decided to compile my list of headcanons for the Trio for you all to look at if you’re interested. :)

I tried my best to make them rooted in canon so that they may be plausible while still allowing me to indulge. ;)

Putting this under Read More because boy, it is long.

Metal Bat/Badd

- From my asks to @atinychai, Badd likes traditionally masculine things because it makes him feel empowered and keeps most people away. He shows almost all the traits: being into sports, working out, being fierce and intimidating… all except for being attracted to women. (Came as a real shock to him too: his team often found girls cute but Badd couldn’t help but notice that some guys were pretty hot and nobody pointed it out. Doubly so because he loves the thought of being married one day and none of the ladies appealed to him.)

- Very straightforward thinker, but unlike Genos, he isn’t completely tactless or over the top with it. His thought process focuses on what needs to be done, what is needed to do it, and to do it ASAP. Considerations are taken into account, such as what would happen if he doesn’t do it right or in a certain way. This is especially good for him since he’s a busy guy even by S-Class standards, but it does leave him vulnerable to not thinking through long term plans that well.

- The most empathetic and physically affectionate of the three. He keeps his tough look on him in public and in private, but he’s one of the first people to offer to hug it out if you’re breaking down.

(Obviously where no one can see it: that’s embarrassing on you and would attract too much unwanted attention to him, so he makes sure there’s no one watching. If there is, he’ll clap you on the shoulder, look you in the eye, and offer some advice and encouragement.)

Young boys and teenagers look up to him, and they usually feel better about crying into his shirt when Badd tells them how hard it was to stop himself from bursting into tears at his first loss in a match, or when he was trying to keep quiet for Zenko’s sake at her recital.

- Continuing on that note, he keeps a nice relationship with some of his sporty fans. Not anything too intensive, but he’ll keep track of the boys who come to him asking him what he was like on his baseball team, what to do if there’s infighting in their group, which ones are worried about their baseball matches and he gives them a proud congrats if they win, or a consolation + inspiration to do better next time if they lost.

- When he’s not blinded by anger, Badd’s surprisingly pretty adept at being a social expert. His experiences of being on the baseball team + hanging out with problem students like him has given Badd a pretty good perspective on both the popular kids and the hated, loner kids, as well as what they’re going through. As a result, he’s usually well received by them. Feels a little embarrassed and uncomfortable around smart kids though, especially when they explain something that sounds a little complicated to him.

- Back in his younger days prior to all the responsibilities piled on top of him, Badd was a pretty good leader for his baseball team. He checked in regularly with his team mates, their equipment, their training regimens, and their upcoming opponents. He helped some of his team mates with confidence issues, and made sure to keep in check with how they’re doing to prevent in-team fighting. All-star baseball team in their region for sure. :3

- In the future, I imagine that Badd might take up some boxing after taking a hint from all the times monsters knocked his bat out of his hands away from him. Lost his weapon? He’ll use his fists until he can get it back again, and he’ll use them well. Turns out loves the sport, but baseball will always have a special place in his heart.

- He empathizes easily with people experiencing stress; he goes through that daily with everything he has to take care of- but he’s more clueless with issues such as mental illness. Badd’s a little insensitive about it, sometimes suggesting things to take care of it which don’t work, but he’s trying his best to understand what someone is going through and knows enough to know that it isn’t something that can’t be solved by blowing off steam or cutting off some bad things in your life. Gets pissed off if someone dismisses it as ‘something that’s all in their head’ or ‘they’re crazy’ and will confront them. Forcing apologies out of the offender isn’t out of the question. Might want to stop him before he gets too pissed off.

- Like you’d expect, he’s a pretty big fan of sports, but in a more casual way. He likes hearing about his favorite athletes, training regimens, and certain meals/diets that helped stars to build up/maintain their strength and skill, but doesn’t obsessively get himself involved in the subject. On a more sentimental note, Badd finds some solace with famous athletes because they had to work hard to get where they needed to be, and on top of that, have to deal with the pressures that come with their popularity; whether they like it or not.

- Despite not having much time to cultivate attention to honing his skill and interest in cooking, he loves Gordon Ramsay. Seeing him rip entitled, spoiled people apart with words alone and gently encouraging + teaching kids has him placed high on Badd’s list of celebrities that he respects.

- Badd is a Closeted Romantic and a Family Man. Always found it touching where in some old action/thriller films, the male married lead thinks about his wife and kids back home and tells himself that he shouldn’t die, powering through the pain/adversity to get back to them. At some point it shifted to him liking some intense drama/action movie focusing on romance where the couple race against time to get to each other before it’s too late. The idea that someone you love and treat as an equal might actually be gone forever really gets him, and if done right, he’ll cry.

- Cannot, for the love of him, focus well on books. He’s literate, but he always wants to get to the most important stuff, often skimming over details that might be important later on. This is also evident in how he writes, explaining something simply and to the point, which makes him pretty good at teaching kids basic, simplified concepts, but not so good at constructing incredibly thought out and nuanced writing. Books and audio books just aren’t immersive to him. Consequently, English is one of his worst subjects in school, and he often has to rely on online notes and essay examples to help him out.

- Extending on that, I imagine him to be a kinaesthetic/visual learner. He was born with amazing dynamic vision after all. (Under ‘Fighting Style: Keen Perception.’)

- Loves American action movies, but they’ll have to be really well made for him to remember a specific one. If you asked him about his favorite action scenes, he’ll describe it, but more often than not, he won’t remember the movie’s name unless you gave him some clues.

- (Inspired by this fanfic.) His mother died in a monster attack just moments after giving birth to Zenko. Badd used to love and respect his father, but her death lead to him spiraling down to alcohol abuse and neglect due to his grief, leading to his broken pedestal status in his son’s eyes. Badd’s still bitter over it when he thinks about it, saying that his ‘old man nursed his bottle like it was his new kid’ instead of being there for him and Zenko. Caught between poor grades in school, a rough home life, and a baby sister he didn’t know how to take care of, Badd had to convince himself that he needed to be twice the man his father is, and ever was, to get through the worst of what life had to throw at him.

- No matter how hard he tries, he still loves his father, and wants to see him endeavor to become better again. But the combined grief of seeing him crumble and give up on himself, the bitterness over his dad failing to be there for him when he needed it the most, and the anger over how seemingly self-absorbed he was in with his booze and watching the static on the TV when Badd was struggling to cope, makes him force the thought of reconciling out of his mind. Badd forces himself to be outwardly angry over what happened to avoid the conflicted feelings he has over the man he used to see as his hero.

- That being said, if you know what his father used to mean to him, you’ll see subtle signs that while Badd can’t forgive, he had never forgotten him. His father was a big sports fan too, and taught him how to properly hit a baseball. If you knew what he taught and looked closely when Badd fights or does some swings, you’ll see that the tips and tricks that he taught his son has never left him.

- Wanted to get a dog because he thought they were cool, but realized he wouldn’t have enough time for it. Begrudgingly got a cat for him and Zenko after she picked one out. He expected it to be the widespread stereotype for cats: cold, mean, and ruins your stuff… and then he saw how lovable and sweet it was and fell in love. That cat is Tama.

- Hates horror films because some of them remind him of the fact that monsters can manifest for the stupidest reasons, anywhere, anytime. It gets him worked up and restless because anything can happen, and the fact that some monsters in the past had tried to target Zenko to lure him out doesn’t make him feel any better.

- When he’s sick/injured, he sleeps. A lot. A very heavy sleeper; expect snores and heavy eyelids. Seriously, this guy is practically stuck in either Stage 4 NREM or REM sleep until severe injuries heal quite a bit, and germs making him sick are killed off.

- Does not take kindly to anyone calling him weak or stupid. Despite getting angry easily, he’s very resilient (emotionally and mentally.) He knows from experience that if he can’t resolve it quickly, it’s best to put it on the backburner until the opportunity arrives where he can, and does his best to blow off steam in the meantime. He’s not that smart academically and he knows it, but it’s still a berserk button you should stay away from because while he’ll never admit it, it hurts him to know that despite forcing himself to attend school so that he can build a future for himself and Zenko outside of hero work, he’s still failing at getting the grades he needs.

- Expanding on that, he’s smart, but it’s more akin to Saitama’s words of wisdom than eloquent, polished reasoning and beliefs; straightforward and inspiring in a simple way that leaves no room for misinterpretation.

- Don’t let him play video games. Especially rage inducing ones like Cuphead. He will crush the controller and wonder why his character isn’t responding mid-game. The keys on the keyboard are smashed in. There are cracks on the area around the buttons. There’s a Wii remote sticking out of a wall after a frustrating defeat and the wrist strap wasn’t securely fastened.

Garou

- He likes athletic wear better than punk styles. They’re easier to put on and move in, whilst the leather from some punk clothes heats up too much/gets too stiff for his liking.

- Hates being restrained. Sometimes, on a very, very rare occasion, it can be interpreted as him being scared of the idea since he lashes out pretty angrily at it. Garou had been held down and beaten up by bullies twice, pinned against a tree and choked by Genos before escaping his blast by the skin of his teeth, and then was implied to be chained up and tortured/punished for his insolence against the MA in their torture room. He’s strong enough to escape most bindings, but he will be on edge if he feels like he can’t get out of them. If you play your cards right, his attack patterns will lack their usual cunning and be more animalistic.

- He’ll eat almost any kind of food except for sweets. It’s too sugary for him, leads to a crash later on, isn’t sustainable, and it doesn’t offer much nutritional value to him either, so he steers clear of them if he can help it. The odd exception are energy drinks. The sugary taste isn’t something he exactly likes, but Garou loves the immediate rush that kicks in soon after drinking them; the slight burn on his tongue from carbonated drinks such as coca cola is a plus.

- Loves the thrill of the challenge of almost any sort. The excitement comes from giving it his all and not knowing for sure how things will turn out; if he won, that’s another trophy to him. If he lost, he relishes in a milestone he has to beat and loves the idea that there’s still room for improvement. Winning or losing too much tends to be boring for him, and he’ll abandon it if he sees no way to rectify it.

- When he’s sick or injured, he’s a restless sleeper; it’s hard for him to get the proper hours that he needs. He drifts in and out of sleeping and waking, usually sleeping a few hours at best before waking up for 10 minutes and falling back to sleep. Being attacked while vulnerable, in places with little means of defense or shelter is a pretty good plan for monsters/bigshots who want his head and he knows it. One of the places he can sleep more peacefully at is Bang’s Dojo, but he hasn’t been back there for some time now.

- Tsundere. Not necessarily the blushy ‘I-it’s not like I like you, b-baka!!’ sort of way, but he’s a more subdued tsundere. He’ll come off as mean spirited at times, but the most reliable way of knowing he loves and cares about his loved ones is when they’re being threatened; he’ll rough up the threat so they won’t get any funny ideas in the future.

- Is Russian-French, with some (suspected) Norwegian in there. Is generally a European mutt who takes a keen interest in Asian culture, especially those that developed sick martial arts and/or those who have interesting, complex histories; however, Garou isn’t as interested in wars and political intrigue as he is in weird, clever, and hilarious events and hijinks that sound too surreal to be true… like Zhao Yun's army being outnumbered by the enemy, retreating, and him choosing to make their fortress look empty so that his enemies get suspicious, thinking that it was an ambush and withdrawing... before launching an attack on them, killing off his enemy's army by inciting chaos. (E.g. Some of them got trampled, others fell into a river and drowned.) He won.

- Continuing off of that, he generally regards European history with distaste due to how... unkind, some of them are.

- (God, I love @the-goddessfighter‘s headcanons for Garou’s parents, so honestly? I’m all for this being 100% canon. Murata or ONE, make it happen. In my eyes, this is as good as you possibly can get with Garou’s backstory.)

Check out her tumblr for her OC’s for Garou’s parents! (Although I do headcanon Toru as a more neglectful father who didn’t care much for Garou, if at all. He didn’t sugarcoat his words to him nor try to comfort his son.)

- Prefers black/white/grey/neutral colors for his clothes, if only to avoid people saying that the colors clash and that he looks like a fashion disaster.

- It’s an unconscious move on his part, and while he usually has impeccable control over his power, sometimes his fingers feel like they’re jabbing you when he’s distracted. Especially when he grabs or hugs you. Sometimes, there are some small bruises where they’ve dug in a little forcefully. When he’s feeling affectionate or sentimental and you’re his lover, he traces over your skin, and it’s a contrasting mix between the calloused, rough textures from the fingers, and smooth, fluid movements that slide like water. It’s a distinct Garou feature, and whether you love it or hate it depends on your tastes.

Genos/Demon Cyborg

- Doesn’t care too much about his popularity, but acknowledges the work that his fans put in when it comes to promoting his work and what little information he shares that others will pick up on. E.g. He doesn’t like to be bothered when he’s busy/with that bald guy, but otherwise is OK with signing a few autographs and shaking hands, he avoids certain obnoxious fangirls, he hates it when there’s a group and they crowd him, etc.

- Despite appreciating this info circulating so that some fans are more mindful about how they interact with him, he’s one of the hardest heroes to connect with due to how cold, closed off, busy, and/or socially awkward he may be. Not that many of his fans mind, as it feeds into the mysterious ‘Cyborg Prince’ fantasy that’s popular in his fan base.

- Thinks that Nice Guys/GirlsTM and people who use ‘I’m an Alpha, those betas/omegas can suck it’ are pathetic. At best. He thinks that they’re compensating for something instead of actually trying to improve themselves: for the latter, the added weight of using a disproved scientific theory makes him lose respect for them even more.

- He has a certain amount of fondness for fauna and flora. Prior to meeting Saitama, he’s had to travel long distances in search of the Mad Cyborg, and more often than not, company is fleeting, leaving him alone most of the time. Flowers by the side of the path, blue skies, the sound of chirping birds, or even some berries with rainwater droplets on them are familiar, nice sights that put him at ease. Some of his notebooks outside of taking notes on Saitama have hand drawn illustrations and notes on some plants he’s encountered, as well as their various uses.

- Conversely, barren cities will put him on high alert. Buildings act as great hiding spots, and Genos isn’t a stranger to being ambushed by monsters and criminals alike. (His eyes can be a great asset in these situations; scanning for threats and movements can give him a heads up on how dangerous the area is.)

- His sense of humor is pretty dark, if not outright sadistic at times; especially towards the people he hates. Otherwise, he likes making (mostly. Key word is mostly) harmless jabs and teases at those he loves because he finds it funny when the other person gets riled up/flustered. His tone and expressions don’t change (most of the time) when he makes them though, making it hard for others to know whether or not he’s joking until he clarifies on the matter.

- Hates those who spread misinformation about medicine, or demonizes scientists. He cares about keeping the public safe, and admires/respects science for everything it’s discovered for the sake of humanity: people such as those are a direct attack on both.

- Though on the outside he takes even the most inconsequential things seriously, to the point where he’s gullible and too honest to lie, he keeps his more solemn thoughts to himself and ingrains them at the back of his mind so that he’ll never forget them. His notebooks don’t hint at them even existing. The only way you’ll ever get to hear them is when you directly attack something he holds very dear to him (beliefs, values, aspirations) so that he may fiercely (and furiously) defend them. He berated Saitama for seemingly making a joke at his expense, but he was somewhat more lenient since he knew that Saitama wielded the power he needed. He won’t be nearly as nice if you’re not someone he likes or respects, so it’s a sure-fire way to get onto his blacklist.

- Is German-Japanese. German father, Japanese mother, though a lot of people mistake him for being fully German thanks to his looks. He understands some parts of the language, but isn’t fluent in speaking it. Japanese he’s fully fluent in, and English is getting to that point as well.

- He doesn’t usually use pet names if he gets a lover, but if he’s fallen in love hard, they get sort of ridiculous and a little cheesy. ‘My beloved’ and ‘darling’ are the most modest ones, but you’ll have to stop him from going after extremely specific and loving nicknames because they blur the line between being hilarious and embarrassing.

- Awesome at stake outs, and often keeps a first aid kit handy in his temporary bases (in the case of civilian injury) alongside a repair kit for himself. Genos is incredibly well prepared just from the equipment he has inside them, but unlike other matters (such as learning how to fold clothes efficiently and going taking it far too seriously), Genos shows pretty good judgment in how he sets them up. He doesn’t take more than what’s needed, and prepares some emergency supplies just in case there’s a new development and he needs to stay a bit longer. He’s learned from experience that taking too many things for them makes it harder for him to clear his tracks, and in return, the enemy (or enemies) that he’s been keeping an eye on might catch onto the fact that they’re being watched, making it harder for him to discover new information.

Shared Traits & Other Bits

- The no-brainer: you will get intimidated into fleeing if you mess with them. Things may get physical if you target their family/loved ones. Injuries vary depending on level of apologetic attitude, how much of a threat you pose, how far you’ve pushed things, etc. Best case scenario is that you flee the scene with no injuries, but scared out of your mind.

- Badd and Genos use the same nickname for their lover: ‘Darling.’ Although Badd will say it as ‘Darlin’’ instead. Other than that, their nicknames are fairly different, with Badd going for things such as ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘babe,’ and ‘sweetheart.’

- Both Genos and Garou have the tendency to mess with people for their own amusement. Garou comes in the form of taunting and goading, whilst Genos likes to make underhanded comments and jokes that will infuriate you.

- Genos and Garou like books. Genos however, is more introverted and will share his knowledge more thoroughly when prompted by someone who needs it. Garou being Garou, you wouldn’t even know he was into reading until he offhandedly mentions a bit of knowledge from a book he read. Odds are you won’t have time to ask him if he knows how to do x because he would have already gotten up to do it before you can open your mouth. This occurrence is far more common in emergencies.

- Genos doesn’t take any visible joy in fighting. He sees monsters as a threat to society that must be eliminated quickly and effectively. Badd used to enjoy throwing himself into battles and coming out of them victorious, but thanks to time and HA’s obligations, he sees monsters as destructive assholes getting in his way and creating more work for him when he’d rather come home to catch up on other things on the forefront of his mind. Garou loves fighting, the challenge- but it has diminished by a notable amount after his webcomic arc as he’s reflecting on what he needs and wants to do now. Despite this, he usually keeps his eye out for any interesting challenges, if only to distract himself.

- Slightly digressing from the Trio: Zenko shares the burden of taking on responsibilities with Badd, though he doesn’t know they exist. She’s aware of the fact that her brother isn’t living a normal teenage life and is bothered by the fact that he can’t act like his own age most of the time, making her want to be headstrong, capable, and independent soon so he doesn’t have to worry about her. At the same time, she knows that there aren’t many heroes his age that he can get along with, so she tries to fill in that hole by spending time with him while finding heroes she likes, and hopefully her brother will like- the reason being is that hopefully, Badd will make friends with them, and she can meet her idol often! It’s part of the reason why she was so insistent in having him obtain AM’s signature.

- Genos can sing, but sometimes struggles with singing with enough emotion in his lyrics. Garou can sing pretty well, (and sings almost every Disney villain song like a champ) but he’d be resistant to others goading him into it. He’s pretty uncomfortable at the notion that he’d have to sing in front of people. Badd can… sing, but he’s best at singing the lullabies he sung to a baby Zenko- songs that get him into it can have him be really, really into it; to the point where it’s almost embarrassing to watch. He’s pretty good at rap/singing more sentimental pieces such as this:

youtube

#opm #genos #badd #metal bat #garou #shitty teen squad #hellion trio #zenko #headcanons

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pandawritespoorly · 4 years

Text

With Time: Something Happened

Author’s Note: The doc for this is titled 'Drink some water you coward'. My friend needed to drink water but wouldn't, and I made a threat that I fulfilled. I won't say who I killed, but those of you who have been around long even may remember a tumblr post from long ago. (Heh heh, reblogged it to bring it back a few days ago)

Here's that story, which I can finally post now that With Time is over.

(Sorry for the angst. I'll post something fluffy soon.)

Summary: The team goes up against Hawkmoth, and something happens.

!!! Warnings: Character Death, Violence

It had been years. Years upon years of fighting against Hawkmoth. It had gotten bad enough that Adrien and Marinette had eventually needed to give their friends their miraculouses permanently.

It hadn’t been solely a bad thing of course. They’d been planning on doing it soon enough, but it’d happened sooner than they’d intended.

Of course, after spending a good six years - almost seven - Marinette and Adrien could not be ready for this day.

The final face off with Hawkmoth.

The man that had been terrorizing the heroes, the city, for years.

They’d tracked him down after learning of Mayura’s identity.

“How did I not know?” Chat Noir stares at the mansion he was raised in, “He’s my father! I grew up in the same building he was attacking the city from!”

“Adrien-” Ladybug begins.

“I’m supposed to be a hero! What kind of-”

“Adrien-” it’s Kit Mime this time, gripping his shoulder and turning the other boy to face him, “None of us blame you.”

“You should.”

“No, we shouldn’t. He kept it from the entire city, y’ couldn’t’ve known,” Tortue Verte cuts in.

“The entire city wasn’t living with him this whole time! For fuck’s sake, he attacked my school the most! He wasn’t even subtle!”

“Adrien, it’s not-” Honey Bee also tries to interrupt him.

“All those attacks where he or I was targeted! How could I not have realized-” gloved hands dig into blond hair, green eyes vacant.

“Chat-”

“My name literally means ‘dark butterfly’, I mean come on!”

“Adrien!” Ladybug snaps. She isn’t angry, just trying her best to reign him back in.

He pauses, taking a breath to steady himself.

“Kitten, none of us blame you,” Kit Mime keeps his own gloved hands on Chat Noir’s shoulders, “So you shouldn’t be blaming yourself.”

The hero looked doubtful, but didn’t respond.

“He’s right,” Ladybug comes to his side as well, hugging him tightly.

Doing so triggers a group hug among the heroes. There’s a lot of feelings towards what’s about to happen.

There’s a lot to process, but they didn’t have much time. They wanted to settle this as quickly as possible - both for Paris’ sake and to avoid Gabriel getting suspicious.

“Alright. Let’s go,” and Chat leads the charge into the house.

It’s time to end this.

---

Despite having hoped to take the man by surprise, he must have been clued in somehow. They burst into his lair to find it empty.

They tense, walking forward hesitantly and looking around cautiously.

“Where-” Honey begins to speak.

There’s a sound, quiet enough that only Kit and Chat hear it. They motion for silence and turn in the direction, night vision carefully scanning the area.

Honey Bee inhales sharply.

“This would be an ideal time to hand over your miraculouses.” a cold voice cuts through the silence.

The group turns to see Hawkmoth himself standing before them, sword drawn from his cane and pointed precariously near the heroine’s neck. She stands stiffly, hands raised slightly.

Low growls come from the two tallest boys, while Ladybug and Tortue shift to fighting positions.

“Give it up Gabriel,” Chat snarls.

“You’ve lost,” Kit Mime adds.

“It would seem I was correct to assume that Nathalie had been compromised,” the tip of the sword pushes further into Honey’s neck, and she tilts her head safely away.

“Gabriel Agreste, your reign of terror on Paris is over. Hand over your miraculous.” Ladybug holds out her hand, glaring at the monster before them.

“No. Not until I’ve completed my goal.”

“The consequences of any wish would be catastrophic. The world can’t afford your selfishness-”

“Selfish?!” The man roars, “You are the selfish ones! I only want what’s best for my family! What’s best for my son!” In his anger, he gestures carelessly and a pinprick of blood appears on Honey Bee’s neck as he speaks.

Chat Noir growls, snapping and swiping at the man, “What’s best for your son?! What’s best for your son?! How is terrorizing Paris supposed to help your son?!”

Taking the distraction, Honey Bee ducks and slides over to her other teammates. Tortue looks worriedly at her neck, but she smiles at him, “I’m fine,” she says quietly.

Kit Mime seems to disagree, scowling - a rare expression for him - and joining his friend in the barrage of attacks at the supervillain.

“Well,” Ladybug says, readying her yo-yo, “We do this like we always do…”

Honey Bee and Tortue Verte speak with her, readying their own weapons and dropping into offensive stances, “...together.”

The trio joins their teammates in the fight.

---

They didn’t think it was going to be this hard. Especially given that it was five to one.

Yet here they are. At least one and a half hours later, and the fight hadn’t gotten anywhere.

They’re exhausted.

Maybe it’s closer to two or three hours. None of them have really bothered to check the time, simply focussing on their goal, aiming to end this nightmare as soon as possible.

Hawkmoth swipes his sword at the spotted girl. She dances away to the best of her abilities, though she feels it makes contact anyways.

It wasn’t the first time, and she’d stopped checking once they’d all been false alarms.

Her suit is impenetrable after all.

This needed to end soon. The exhaustion of her team was palpable, but somehow Hawkmoth seemed fine.

Maybe he was just better at hiding it. Or he had more experience. The reason didn’t really matter to her anyways.

The team of five continues in their assault, their teamwork they’d built up on for the past five years shining through.

Still, it wasn’t a perfect art, and mistakes were bound to happen.

No one is quite sure how it happens, but the frenzy of movement halts when Hawkmoth wrenches Kit Mime toward him by the arm.

“Let him go,” Honey Bee growls.

“Give up your miraculouses.” It’s basically his mantra with how many times he’s said it now. He’s holding the fox hero to him tightly, gripping his neck from behind so that both miraculous holders are in clear sight.

“That’s not going to happen,” Chat repeats.

“This is your final warning,” Hawkmoth cautioned lowly, a hint of something in his voice.

He correctly takes their silent glares and battle stances as refusal.

The dark chamber is silent for a moment.

Five teenagers wait patiently for the next move.

A sickening crunch echoes through the room.

Even with most of them lacking night vision, their eyes have adjusted enough that they can see what happened.

Hawkmoth holds up Kit Mime by the neck, dangling the boy above the floor. The hero’s face is an unnatural color, and his feet kick uselessly at the floor, searching for traction.

His hands reach for the one that has crushed his throat, but the adult’s iron grip is too tight.

His teammates, friends, can only stand in horrified silence. The only sound is the ocaissonal scuffle of boots against the floor. The color that has appeared on his face is deepening, and his hands still claw at the one around his neck. His flute is on the floor, dropped in surprise when the moment came.

None of them are looking at any of that though.

It’s his eyes.

Kit- Claude’s eyes, normally bright and full of mirth are wide with fear.

Even through the worst attack, Kit Mime had been able to smile, keep things light and spirits up.

And now…

It’s when his eyes begin to glaze over, growing unfocused, that they break out of their trance.

Chat Noir’s and Honey Bee’s faces harden in resolve, both rushing forward.

Ladybug hears a furious ‘cataclysm’ and ‘venom’, which somewhat shakes her out of her oncoming attack. She can panic late, right now she has to…

What does she do?

Tortue isn’t doing well, hyperventilating beside her.

Kit Mime is still struggling in the villain’s grip, though his desperate kicks and gasps have become fainter, weaker.

The five of them couldn’t defeat Hawkmoth together, should she really let only two of them try alone? They need all the help they can get, right?

The heroine’s eyes dart back and forth, undecided. Comfort Tortue?

Help Chat and Honey with Kit?

Comfort Tortue?

Help Chat and Honey with K-

-it?

The moment of indecision costs her. In the time it takes Chat and Honey to cross the room, Hawkmoth grows impatient.

Tired of holding up the struggling boy, Hawkmoth tightens his grip on his sword, raises his hand, and runs it through the boy.

Honey and Chat can’t stop their momentum in time, Honey’s hand slides past the intended target, and she can’t pick herself off the floor, instead staring in horror at the scene above her.

The scene doesn’t last long.

Chat’s outstretched hand makes contact.

With an orange suit.

The darkness spreads like an inky disease across the brightly colored uniform. Shadowy tendrils make their way over it, spreading like a horrific wildfire and leaving nothing but ash and dust behind.

Chat Noir stares in terror at his gloved hand, now coated in dust that looked too soft for something so nauseating.

Reality chooses this moment to resume its normal speed. In comparison to the last eternal minute or two, everything feels like double speed.

Honey Bee manges to put together enough thoughts to hit her venomed hand to their foe’s leg, and stands to take the miraculous.

Chat hasn’t moved.

Tortue is barely breathing with how badly he’s panicking.

And Ladybug?

Ladybug defaults to her usual solution.

“Miraculous Ladybug.”

Claude’s body reappears right where it had been previously. He falls to the ground, the other heroes nearby follow him, too exhausted to do anything else.

After a moment they’re all far too aware of the fact that he isn’t breathing.

“Miraculous Ladybug.”

He remains still.

“Miraculous Ladybug.”

Nothing. She’s beginning to feel dizzy.

“Miraculous Ladybug.”

Why isn’t it working?

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

Why isn’t he coming back?!

“Miraculous Ladybug!”

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Miraculous Ladybug!!”

How had this happened?

“Miraculous Ladybug!!!”

She feels sick.

“MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!”

Still nothing.

Her shouts become a repetitive echo, ringing through the terrible chamber. What else can she do? She’s the leader. She’s the one who fixes everything.

So why isn’t everything fixed?! Of the team, she’s the only one still speaking. The only one still standing.

Until she isn’t anymore.

The others look up after her quiet, pleading calls go silent, soon followed by a thud.

Against a surface other than her bright red suit, the alarming amount of blood flowing from a distressingly large gash in her side is hard to miss.

---

When Felix walks into the hospital room he does not know what to expect. He had known they were going after Hawkmoth, so the fact that Adrien had sent him a text with nothing but the words ‘we’re here’ and the hospital’s address and a room number concerned him.

Still, he did not want to jump to conclusions.

Perhaps Hawkmoth had been critically injured.

He repeated that thought over and over because the alternative-

No, there is no alternative. Hawkmoth is injured and his friends are fine.

He loops that thought.

Hawkmoth is injured and his friends are fine.

Hawkmoth is injured and his friends-

He walks into the room, hearing the steady beeping of the heart monitor and turns to see…

Marinette in the bed. All manner of tubes and wires attached to her.

When he manages to rip his eyes away, his fears do not cease.

Adrien is staring at Marinette, though his eyes are far away.

Allegra is barely holding herself together.

And Allan…

Felix hadn’t seen that look on Allan’s face since- since-

Something is missing.

Someone is missing.

“Where is Claude?” He barely manages to keep his voice steady.

Those three words are all it takes.

The Allegra’s final threads snap and she loses the little composure she already had. She falls to her knees like beggar and sobs.

The look on Allan’s expression gets worse, and he stops breathing momentarily, and even afterwards his breaths are irregular.

Adrien is gripping Marinette’s hand like a lifeline, head buried in the sheets of the hospital bed as he sits beside it.

No one speaks.

The picture is becoming very clear, but Felix just will not accept it.

Surely Claude is just somewhere else.

Grabbing something perhaps?

Another sob from Allegra is all it takes to dash all his hopes. Anyone with half a mind can see the only answer to this question.

Something happened.

The mission went wrong.

Claude is gone.

---

I'm just going to leave this here. No more words from me.

Reminder: This is very much not canon to my With Time storyline.

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thisgirlhastales · 5 years

Text

“Wayward Son” — Is There Peace When You Are Done?

What we have here is an essay of sorts: a loosely organized mishmash of thoughts and opinions. Disclaimer that this is highly subjective, as it is based on my own experiences and expectations going into this novel :)

And, naturally, many Wayward Son spoilers below the cut! If you haven’t read it yet and are planning to do so, please do not proceed further. If you’ve already read it or don’t care about spoilers, c’mon in! Ain’t nobody here but me!

First Thing: I thought the plot was cool — I loved seeing the characters again, loved seeing the different magical culture within the United States as compared to the UK; all the geographical variety and how that impacted magical abilities and politics, the creatures and the nature of magic as it applied to people who aren’t mages, the syntax, and Shepard. All of that was fascinating. It felt organic and real, even though our main dude, Shepard, did drop a few exposition bombs. I loved it all.

The magical creatures touch on something that I think all the main characters learn and re-learn (and may be symbolic of their issues as a whole): there is no one way to do or be magic. The word magician can apply to any creature who is or practices magic. The UK’s mages have an expansive but selective history. They do not acknowledge people like Lamb (see Nicodemus), even though they are technically part of their world. I wonder if the UK vampires have something like what the Las Vegas vampires do — i.e. ways to feed without killing, ways of living without standing out so much, a hierarchal structure, their own historical narrative, etc.

Agatha coming into her own was fabulous, driving the plot with the vampires on her end; she wasn’t a character I enjoyed in the last book too much (I thought she was very real, even practical, she just didn’t appeal to me as a person), but in this? Loved her. And she figured out her own way to be, though there’s still a ways to go for her, I think …

There is no one way to be anything, and that’s a lesson everyone in this book needs to learn (and talk about with each other, please, please, please).

Second Thing: Dealing with Trauma — I do think this was what resonated most with me, as someone who likes it when things are not perfectly hunky-dory after severely traumatic events.

Simon is Not Dealing. He stopped going to his psychologist. He thinks about the Mage, but doesn’t fully process the impact of having killed him. He’s in mourning over his magic and the Mage and all of it, but he’s choosing to not digest it fully — every time he was happy on this road trip, I, like Baz, was thrilled, but I also knew that it was fleeting because he hadn’t really dealt with anything. The underlying cause of his depression and listlessness wasn’t being addressed. His bursts of anger, his heartbreak, his inability to let go of the wings … He goes back and forth a lot, as well, tormenting himself.

Baz is Not Dealing. Baz was suicidal in Carry On. Baz barely knows anything about vampires. He lives in fear of being a monster, and of being executed as one regardless of his actions. As much as I detest Lamb, he had knowledge: How to feed without killing your prey. How to live amongst people and blend in better. He looked physically healthier. Baz’s grey complexion is actually a sign that he is starving more often than not. Remember how powerful he is now, and imagine how powerful he could be if he took better care of himself. And how much more comfortable in his own skin he’d be, which would help with so many of his bitter self-recriminations.

Penny is Not Dealing. Wow, that break-up with Micah was rough. She has a few more moments of self-realization than Simon and Baz do, but she’s also completely caught up in her own magical world, culture, and plans for the future; she has trouble reconciling what Shepard tells her, and is still processing (accepting? Healing?) from not only that breakup, but everything else that has ever happened to her and Simon. Penny copes better, but still not necessarily well. Her can-do, will-do attitude is a huge boon, but when it fails? Yikes. I rather feel like she had overly-rationalized (maybe even over-simplified) every trauma she went through with Simon, and … the world isn’t rational or simple at the best of times. I really, really hope she can come to terms with that (and that we get to see it).

Simon and Baz Together Are Not Dealing. It goes without saying that these two NEED to talk. But their separate issues are a huge roadblock — I feel like the chances of misunderstandings occurring are high. Each is convinced that they are bad for the other. Baz is slightly better about it, but he’s so afraid of the consequences of broaching the subject, he simply won’t. And the thing is? His instincts aren’t wrong. Simon does want to break up with him. It’s based on the whole you deserve better than me assumption, but Baz is actually sensing correctly that Simon is on the verge of leaving him. They need to deal with their own, separate traumas, and they can do that together or apart, but they need to start healing in some capacity. I fully believe that they can be together, even with a break, but that break needs to come with communication? Point being, we all go through healthy and unhealthy periods, as individuals, as part of a family, as part of a couple. They are right smack dab in the middle of a rough, not-so-healthy part — however they cope with it, (TALKING AND LISTENING ARE MUSTS), we at least know that they love each other. Love alone is not enough, but it is a powerful, wonderful force in their corner.

The expansion on magic implies legion of ways in which to exist, and such is the case for coping with pain, sadness, regret, and all the other fun aspects of being humans who experience trauma in innumerable ways. Sometimes we choose things that are unhealthy as a stopgap, because we’re not ready for the work and pain that is healing. Y’all, healing sometimes is on par with the issues that made it necessary — in simpler terms, it can really, really suck at the start. Again, some of you may come from different perspectives, but this struck a chord with me.

I definitely went in with the expectation that all the issues would be laid out, and then addressed … We got the first half in spades … Did not get the second, nope.

Third Thing: The structure of this book implied right from the start that things may be unresolved, but, er, it was still a bit hard to deal with — having an epilogue at the beginning and a prologue at the end implies to me that this second book is a launch point. The prologue at the end is the start for the next (hopefully larger) narrative. That makes Wayward Son something like a sprawling behind-the-scenes look into these characters before we launch into their following, more detailed story.

But I didn’t feel too great about having been plunged so deeply into this ‘verse, only to not have a lifesaver tossed my way … Which is to say, it kept me breathless, and knowing that people survived allowed me a reprieve, but the core of this novel — the overall mental well-being of Simon, Baz, Penny, and Agatha — had me tight in its grip from the beginning and then just … kept right on squeezing at the end. Even tighter.

I don’t mind a plot-based cliff-hanger, but the fact that all the emotional and character arcs were left hanging as well? I felt like I got a decent resolution, or partial conclusion, on a few plot points, but next to no resolution for the emotional and/or psychological arcs. That I have a lot more trouble accepting. Particularly when I’ve spent an entire book with characters forced to live in each other’s space, in close quarters, and still not communicating. I wanted to rip out every beautiful thought Simon and Baz had about each other and throw it in the other’s face. Because they were gorgeous and wonderful, and for all that they are currently fractured and bleeding, they so clearly want what is best for each other. They are (mostly) selfless in their love (with a few selfish foibles, but they made sense to me).

I was also rather … not happy with the fact we got no mention of Lucy, of Davy, of them being Simon’s parents. I’m really, desperately hoping we get that in the next chapter of this series.

The positive thing I can take away from this point is that when we get to the next book (and I know there will be one — my copy literally has a number 2 on the spine, which heavily implies series to me), we will be firmly grounded in what is facing these characters both internally and externally.

The biggest issue that lies ahead is COMMUNICATION. I know (I hope like hell) this will be addressed in the next book, but I craved it so, so badly in this. Not just for Simon and Baz but PENNY. They are all sitting on shifting sand foundations now — their worlds have been completely overturned, over and over again in the past year or so, and they haven’t found firm footing yet. When Micah broke up with Penny, I very much thought that was the kick off for a road trip filled with introspection and epiphanies and finally, lots of talking about said introspections and epiphanies — I got half my wish. The latter half, I suppose, will have to wait until the next novel. I didn’t expect all the character/emotional beats to be acknowledged and resolved, but at least some of them, with room for others to be resolved in the next story, so we would have more (and more room) to explore in that novel.

As a result, Wayward Son, for the many things I loved about it, didn’t feel like a complete story for me. It doesn’t stand on its own quite as well as Carry On did. Maybe when the third book comes out, I will retroactively love it more, but for now I’m just sort of … floating along, waiting for that lifesaver. It did, honestly, feel a bit like half of a story. Half a good story, fantastic even, but still … Half.

In addition to these thoughts I’ve shared, here’s where I’m coming from, as a reader — we all come at these books from different places, different life experiences and wants and expectations.

One of my most formative reading experiences was Harry Potter. I read Harry Potter practically as it came out. I had to wait years between some of the books. By the time the last book arrived, the characters had matured about as much as I had. Because the middle books were so chunky and dense (and I loved them for it!), I was a little thrown off by how slim Deathly Hallows was in comparison, and that ultimately was reflected in my reading — it went by so quickly. While I loved it and sobbed all over the damn place, when I hit that epilogue … that’s the first time while reading that I did a full stop. All the pain and agony of that book, as quick as it had been, had been amazing, and it felt like it demanded some kind of … reflection and communication between the characters, and I thought after ten years of these books, we had a definite basis for an epilogue that could’ve added another third to this novel — maybe one that jumped through the years, showed us different characters at various stages of healing? Something involved and detailed to a degree.

Wayward Son had that rushed element to it … and I think part of that feeling was enhanced due to the lack of resolution to those character/emotional arcs — we were tumbling, running forward into a free fall and then were frozen right at that point before falling.

However, Wayward Son gives me more positive feelings than that epilogue in HP. Yes, it still feels incomplete, like half a story. But Wayward Son isn’t an end. Unlike Deathly Hallows, there is more to come, and that’s what I’m looking forward to most. It definitely has its flaws in my view, but I can reconcile them somewhat, as you’ve seen.

(There is also a whole thing involving the way these sorts of arcs would resolve in fanfiction versus the medium of a book intended for a broader audience, but that would be a whole other post, methinks. Let me know if you want me to discuss that, because I do have some thoughts on it, though they’re a little haphazard at the moment. Um. Assuming all this rambling isn’t wildly boring and/or awful for you.)

Final Thoughts: At the end of the day? I loved reading this book, even for all that I wanted to reach into the pages and knock the character’s heads together. I said, “Oh no!” out loud when I reached the end, but it was because I desperately wanted more right then and there. The fact that I want more means that, despite any flaws, I’m still on board for this universe and its characters — I still love all this magic, and this dragon boy and his vampire boyfriend :)

And now, 2000 plus words later, I am done, holy crap. If anyone actually made it to the bottom of this, thank you? Not too sure how coherent I was, but I hope some of this was of value to someone :) *many hugs*

Edit: Apparently I still had some things to say, so here is a sequel to this ramble — Simon and Baz Carrying On Like Wayward Sons.

#wayward son #wayward son spoilers #snowbaz #simon snow #rainbow rowell #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #penelope bunce #agatha wellbelove #rants and ramblings

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thoughtfulfangirling · 4 years

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Something I've been wanting to write about for some time is how thoroughly the arc between Glimmer and Adora in season 4 parallel Catra and Adora's relationships and in this way, creates space for Catra's redemption, both for the characters in universe and for us as the audience. (btw who edits or revises things before posting them? Not me! Good luck!)

I remember thinking while watching season 5 for the first time and observing Catra and Glimmer's bonding, how Glimmer isn't quite as angry with Catra as one might expect given Catra's actions resulting in Angella's sacrifice. But it occurred to me: Glimmer's mistake just before the events of season 5 could have been just as destructive as Catra's in season 3, wherein that sacrifice took place.

Since then, I've been pretty blown away on the similarities between these arcs, and it came to a sort of head today while rewatching the first episode via Netflix Party with a friend of mine who is also still reeling over the season 5 finale.

In the first episode, Adora refuses to let Catra come back with her to the Whispering Woods to find what called out to her. She does this despite Catra's wanting to go with her because Adora fears that the consequences to Catra if they're caught would be too great. This means Catra isn't there when Adora makes her discovery about the Hoard. Catra isn't there nor a part of the decision of Adora's to abandon the Hoard. What might have been different if Adora had allowed her to come along?

But that's the thing. At that point in time in that first episode, it's not just Catra grossly influenced by the manipulations and abuses of Shadow Weaver, but even while more subtle, it's just as prevalent in Adora, and her acting on that which lays at least one foundational brick in the wall that springs up between them.

It's very well articulated in this Fandomentals article how Adora had to draw in on herself and her impulses and be the best that she can be in order to protect Catra.

"Adora wasn’t always like this. Her goofball side shows up lots of times in young adulthood, and we see that as a kid she wasn’t afraid to get in a bit of trouble. Not only did she tease Octavia to goad a violent reaction for her and Catra’s amusement, the excursion into the Black Garnet chamber was arguably her idea. That unfortunate encounter clearly stuck with Adora despite her not being the one who got in trouble...

...The thing Catra does not realize is that part of Adora’s drive to be good in Shadow Weaver’s eyes came from a desire to protect her. Shadow Weaver made Catra out to be a bad influence and threatened her because of it. If Adora was really really good and showed that Catra was not having a negative effect on her, then Shadow Weaver would have no reason to follow through."

And this drive to protect becomes a habit for Adora, a driving need. It's tied very much into the idea that if she can just keep doing everything she can to keep someone safe, she can keep bad things from happening to those she loves.

She carries this into her new relationships, and notably here, with Glimmer. It's only enhanced by Adora's feelings of always sacrificing her self for what she can do for others in the S3 finale when she has to sit on the sideline while Angella sacrifices herself in what Adora feels is her place. Not only does Adora walk away from that moment feeling that unless she can save the world, it should have been her, but she interprets Angella's last command to "take care of each other" as an order for Adora to protect Glimmer. It might also be worth nothing that the season ends with Adora being clear with Catra that she is done covering for her, that it's time for Catra to bear the responsibilities of her actions for herself and that Adora no longer accepts responsibility for her. I think it's not unlikely that this creates a bit of a vacuum for Adora, one which Angella seemed to suggest someone else for which to fill.

And the ramifications of that pulse ever more strongly as season 4 progresses. Adora hides behind the idea that this new sense of protectiveness for Glimmer is because Glimmer is the queen, but anyone can see that Glimmer needs to be a part of things and is more competent and capable than ever, and so it seems only reasonable to assume that Adora has gotten caught up in this protection impulse. And while Glimmer's own sense of desperation at the Hoard's advances and the death of her mother propel her ever ready anger and frustration, Adora's need to keep leaving Glimmer behind drives a wedge down between them. It's easy to see Glimmer's anger and her sharp tongue and her bursts of frustration as at fault and the cause of these issues—just like it is easy to see Catra's impulsiveness and possessiveness to appear to be the cause of all her and Adora's issues. But in reality, it's a two person game. Adora's behaviors are at least as destructive to these relationships, if less obviously visible.

So just like Adora makes a decision about going to the Whispering Woods and defect from the Hoard after leaving Catra in the Fright Zone, Adora leaves Glimmer behind at the end of Season 4 to, as she did in the beginning, do what was right at all costs.

Between getting information Adora doesn't get about Horde Prime arriving at any moment to Etheria followed by the blow that once again, just like many times before this season, Adora and Bow have gone off on a mission on their own, she makes a rash decision to try and use The Heart of Etheria.

In season 3, Adora tells Catra not to open the portal or the world could be destroyed. In season 4, Adora tells Glimmer the Heart of Etheria cannot be used without the world being destroyed. Catra pulls the lever, and Glimmer activates The Heart. The consequences of Catra's actions result in Angella's sacrifice. The consequences of Glimmer's actions pulls Etheria out of Despondos, into the path of Hoard Prime, and causes Adora to lose She Ra.

It's arguable what all Glimmer could be aware in regards to these consequences by the time she is taken prisoner, but it stands to reason she might truly believe, in the confines of ship and her cell until she hears further from Prime, that Adora could have been right, and she could have been transported off a planet just before it's destruction. Certainly she believes that the scale of her mistake is quite grave as she truly has a sense of carrying a hell of a burden.

So I think there's some awareness there, when it's Catra and Glimmer, lost in space in brand new and uncharted, horrifying waters that there is a certain likeness of their experiences. It created the space, I think, for Glimmer to recognize how easy it is to make catastrophic mistakes out of anger and pain and even well intentioned desperation. It shows the audience that given faith in Glimmer's heart and intentions and her own remorse, she is worthy of forgiveness.

And it just strikes me that it had to be Glimmer. Glimmer had to be the first to see this good in Catra, and it had to be Glimmer who saw hope in her, because Glimmer lost the most to Catra, something that can't be recovered.

The episode in which it's decided to go back to save Catra is one in which Glimmer spends the entire episode seeking Bow's forgiveness for a wrong even she feels she can never make up for and is only resolved when she says that she can't expect it but that she won't give up. She knows what it means to have messed up irreparably and that this doesn't mean one should just stop trying.

Glimmer: Look, I know you're still mad at me. Maybe you'll be mad at me for a really long time. I deserve it! And maybe— Maybe we'll— Maybe we'll never be friends like we used to be. But I'm not going to stop trying to make it better. I made a mistake with the Heart of Etheria. I should have listened to you, and I'm sorry. You get to be mad, for as long as you need to be. But I'm not going anywhere, and when you're ready, I'll be here.

Adora witnesses this, and it's then that she truly decides they need to go back for Catra. When she approaches the topic, the 'camera' is on her and Glimmer. Bow is there, but she's telling Glimmer, rambling as she tries to get to the point, knowing what Catra took from Glimmer specifically because she needs Glimmer to understand and, I think, give her this blessing, because it's Glimmer who was most hurt by Catra's past bad actions. And Glimmer gives it.

Glimmer: Catra sacrificed herself to save me. Whatever you need to do, I'm with you.

Angella is gone, but Catra is still here. Glimmer knows what it is to mess up profoundly, and she also felt real horror and trauma imprisoned on the Hoard ship. It certainly means Something that Catra risked everything to get Glimmer out, and I think even that it means something that she did it to protect Adora, just like Angella in many ways made her sacrifice largely as a means to protect and save Glimmer.

It is meaningful and impactful that Glimmer plays such a large role in Catra's redemption and that she is cheering her on as she walks the difficult path of admitting and making up for past mistakes. Catra, in some ways, learned how to make things right from Glimmer. Catra watched as Glimmer came to her to end the Hoard's reign at the end of Season 4. Catra watches the realization hit Glimmer that her choice was wrong, destructive as she collapses on the ground being sapped of her power.

Glimmer: Adora was right! Light Hope, used me. She activated the Heart!

Catra: So? I thought you wanted to win. Use your weapon.

Glimmer: I can't! It would destroy everything. I have to try and stop it.

Catra clearly followed Glimmer as she struggled back to the Black Garnet to attempt to destroy the garnet and make right the wrong she did. She must have watched Glimmer strike impotently at the garnet until she collapsed. And finally when they are stuck on Hoard Prime's ship together, and they know Adora is on her way to attempt to rescue Glimmer, Glimmer makes that statement, "Do one good thing in your life."

Catra's redemption has so many moving parts. The show really took it's time to put so many pieces in place, from everything it did with Shadow Weaver (oh hey, also note Shadow Weaver's presence with Glimmer and how it effects her and Adora's relationship too in S4), Entraptra, Scorpia, Double Trouble, etc to put Catra emotionally just in the right place to really hear Glimmer. And part of why she can hear Glimmer, is because she just witnessed Glimmer in her place. She shouts at Glimmer after those words that she knows nothing about her, but the truth is, I think Catra was seeing quite a bit of herself in Glimmer just then, and found herself wanting. So, finally, she strove to do better.

It honestly is just so beautifully done. I can't blame anyone for wanting more time with Catra's redemption, but I do think it was well earned. Glimmer offers a good prep in how a character can be misled and even estranged by the protagonist that leads to bad places. It creates a point of understanding and an example for the in universe characters to jump off of. I definitely saw in Glimmer's enthusiasm for Catra's joining the team a sense of 'if they can forgive her, then they can forgive me.' And it doesn't seem unlikely that Catra even had the exact same thought when she decided to risk Prime's wrath to save Glimmer. Despite her cynical nature, I think she found a spark of hope in her, and she made a leap of faith.

And I think in this way too, we were more ready to accept Catra's redemption. So many pillars were put up in many places by the creators, and even while I can't fault anyone for wanting some tweaks or changes, I think spop did a fantastic job on this redemption and felt it truly earned by the end of the season.

But then again, I might be biased in laying so much credit on Glimmer, cause Glimmer did nothing wrong, and they had to forgive her, and she’s wonderful and perfect!

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