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hazenllas · 5 months

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Bewitched || Hazel Callahan

Pairing: Hazel Callahan x fem! Reader

Contains: fluff, mentions of alcahol/drugs (I tihnk that might be it)

(Apologies any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language)

Inspired by "Bewitched" by Laufey!!<3

Summary: You never quite understood why everyone around you was so deeply inlove with their partners until you met Hazel Callahan.

You were in your room while working on some extra homework Mr G gave you that was due the next day. You were laying on your bed staring at your paper. You were a bit distracted and drifted away for a moment until you felt a light tap o a pencil against your forehead. You look up in surprise blinking your eyes lightly and you look up at the girl infront of you. "You alright there? You kinda left me for a second." Hazel laughs looking at you with her big blue-ish/green-ish eyes. "O-oh yeah im good haze." You respond back, still in thought. You have had a giant crush on hazel since the first grade. You admired her dearly. You both did everything together and you enjoyed every last bit of it. You both knew the other was gay but you were bestfriends. You didn't want to ruin that. Hazel was your bestfriend and you couldn't handle losing the only person who you actually felt happy with.

"Y/n why don't we take a break? We've been at this for like 3 hours." Hazel says getting up from her spot. You nod and you both walk into your kitchen. You didn't have a very big house, but it was enough for you and your mom. You go into the fridge and find a bag of apple slices. You pull them out and drop them into a blue bowl. You bring the apples to Hazel who was in the dining room and hand them to her. "Here you go Haze" you say cheerfully, smiling down at her sitting figure. "Why thank you my lady" Hazel replies back, getting the bowl from your hands. You know that small comment shouldn't have made your heart flutter but it did. You both eat your apple slices while Hazel talks about the family dining party she was forced to go to the next day. "Y/n I really don't want to wear a dress. Like I'd rather die than wear anything like that." Hazel says making a disgusted look. You laugh at her. "Hazel, it'll be okay. It's just one night an after that you can throw it in the garbage!" You reply to her grabbing an apple slice and popping it into your mouth. As soon as Hazel is about to answer, you hear a turn on the doorknob and immediately know it was your mother. She walks into the house with a drunk-ish look plastered on her face. "Shit you gotta go Hazel I'm sorry" you look at her and give her a big hug. "Okay okay bye Y/n I'll see you tomorrow at school?" Hazel asks looking at you. "Of course Haze, okay bye" You reply pushing Hazel out of the door. "Who is that girl?" Your mom asks sitting on the couch. "Mom that's Hazel. Remember?" You reply looking at your mom. "Oh yeah that girl you always talk about? You seem to like her y/n" your mom says not paying attention to you. "Oh yeah um-" "Y/n, it's okay if you like her. I will support you either way, I promise. Now go get me another beer." Your mom says going to lay onto the couch. "Yeah yeah um sure mom." You reply with a smile. Your mom wasn't usually this nice. You grab a beer from the fridge and hand it to her.

You get into class and sit right behind Hazel. Something that you noticed a lot lately is that your mind is only circled around Hazel and only Hazel. You can't last a minute without missing her when shes not around. Youve obviously liked her for years but now its different. Every girl around you has fallen in love. and you crave that badly. You crave that feeling with Hazel. You look up at Hazel to already see her turned around in her seat smiling. "Hey Y/n, i was thinking maybe tonight could i come over? My mom is going to have her new boyfriend over and im not feeling like hearing my mom moan some random man's name all night." Hazel says chuckling a bit. "Sure Hazel, my mom won't be home so we will be good." You giggle twirling your pen around. She nods and turns back to her origional position.

After school you get home and begin cooking dinner for you and your mom. You make some mac n cheese and put some in a bowl for your mom. Right as you begin eating your food, you mom comes into the kitchen with a cigarette in her left hand. "I m going to be going out don't do any kinda stupid shit while im gone." Your mom says grabbing her bowl and walking out of the door. as soon as your mom slams the door shut you run to call Hazel and give her the sign to come over. You wait patiently for her arrival and tap your spoon against the empty bowl. You hear a soft knock agains the door and immediately know it Hazel. Your eyes light up and you run toward the door. You open it to see the taller woman infront o you. "Hey haze!" You say excitedly. "Hey,love. " Hazel responds patting your head softly. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" i have some extra popcorn packets on top of the fridge!" You ask Hazel walking towards the living room. Hazel nods and runs to sit on the couch. You yell for Hazel to find a movie and you begin making popcorn. You pop the packets in the microwave and wait. After you tear open the bag and pour the popcorn in two purple bowls. You jump ono the couch and give Hazel your popcorn.

After the movie, you both just look up at your ceiling, bored to death. "Hey wanna go out to the streets? we can take a little walk?" Hazel asks looking down at you. "I mean sure? couldn't hurt" You answer hopping up from the couch to put your sneakers on. You both walk to the door and you walk out of the house. You live close to the city part of your town so you were surrounded by city lights and multiple tiny shops. You both take hold of each other's hands and start running down the streets. Everything felt unreal. you were both dancing and messing around that nothing else felt important. The sun was down by now s it was just both of you surrounded by the dim street lights. you start giggling until Hazel comes to a start. you stop as well and she takes a step towards you. Your body tenses up as she looks at your pink lips. Her eyes look so sparkly. The world freezes around you as she leans in to kiss you. your hands instantly go to her neck as hers go to your waist pulling you in closer and closer, You hum into the kiss and begin kissing her back. You eventually pull away an stare at her. "It's getting late. i better go. Good night, Y/n." Hazel whispers kissing your forehead. You are still frozen in your spot until you look back to see Hazel's figure dissapearing into the night. You couldn't beleive it. You just KISSED Hazel. your mind went blank and you began walking home.

Since that day, you fell more in love with Hazel. So much to the point that you missed her even when she was standing right infront of you. You were so bewitched by her that it was like she was controlling your every thought and movement. You could only focus on her. You wanted a future with Hazel. Since that day you both still hadn't talked about the incident and didn't confess the obvious feelings you had toward each other. But today you wee going to o it. today you were going to tel her how much you love her.

After the last period ended, you saw Hazel walking outside of the school doors. You run up to her and tapped her shoulder. "Oh hey Y/n Whats up? Hazel asks you, taking off her headphones. "Can we talk for a moment?" You ask. "Yeah sure lets go to the side over here." Hazel guides your hand towards the brick wall on the side of the school. "Haze, i need to tell you something. something ive been keeping from you for a while. Just promise me this won't ruin our friendship?" You ask Hazel with teary yes. Yours and Hazel's friendship was one of the only thins you cherished most and you didnt want to risk losing it over some stupid little crush you had on your best friend. "Yes yes i promise. Just let it out Y/n." Hazel says holding your shoulders. Hazel, i like you. i like you a lot. matter of fact i am in love with you. and i have been for such a long time. You make me feel like im able to be myself around you. I don't know, im sorr-" You ramble until Hazel leans in to kiss you hungrily. "Ive heard enough. fuck- i like you too Y/n" Hazel whispers against your mouth. After a bit, you both pull away and hazel lifts your chin up with her pointer finger. "You have bewitched me, Y/n." Hazel says before latching hr arm around your waist an heading to her car.

Tags: @vster0769

#bottoms hazel #hazel callahan imagine #hazel callahan x you #hazel callahan fluff #bottoms movie 2023 #ruby cruz #hazel bottoms #bottoms movie #bottoms 2023 #hazel callahan #bewitched #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan fanfiction #wlw post #wlw #sapphic #lesbian #sapphic love

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 10 months

Note

Hi! I'm glad your request are open again! I'm living for your work!

Can you do an enemies to lovers , where they can't be left alone without fighting, but uthred teamed them up to do scouting or something so they are forced to be together, and then they have some hate sex after arguing xD and he gets really cocky after

Full creative control I'll love it no matter what

Thank you ❤️❤️

Note: ahhh thank you so much for your kind words!! I enjoyed writing this one! hope you will enjoy reading it :)

Warnings: smut 18+! some insults, some dominance, a lot of bickering.

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: see request!

Word count: 4,4k

Masterlist

'I want you to shut up too, so shut up, Sihtric!'

****************

'Can you stop that?'

'I'm not even doing anything.'

'I can hear you!' you snarled.

'Oh, am I not allowed to breathe anymore?' Sihtric snapped.

'Preferably not, no. But if you really have to, then do it quietly!'

'Of course, I am sorry, princess,' Sihtric mocked, 'my earnest apologies, my lady, if my presence is too loud for your liking because I have to fill my lungs with air.'

'Will you shut up? You're going to scare off the animals, and then we'll have no food tonight.'

'The only thing that will scare the animals off is the sight of you,' he huffed.

You glared at him, eyes full with rage and he returned the same look.

'Another word and I will throw you in the fire tonight!'

'Gladly! Then I will be released from you!' Sihtric spat and got up.

'Where are you going? We haven't caught anything yet!'

'I'd rather starve than spend another moment with you!'

'Yeah, well, me too!'

You and Sihtric never got along. It had been months and it only seemed to get worse. Everyone was sick and tired of it. And because of that, Uhtred was to send you and Sihtric away to scout the Northern border for any activity.

'What? Why?' Sihtric frowned.

'Absolutely not,' you said curtly, 'I will not spend another second by his side.'

'You will do as I say!' Uhtred snarled, 'you will leave at first light tomorrow.'

'Yes, lord.' Sihtric muttered.

'Yes, lord,' you mocked Sihtric, who gave you a threatening look.

***************

You watched the pain the arse, who others knew as Sihtric, saddling up his horse as you already sat mounted upon your own, ready to leave. It was an early morning in the middle of summer. Tiny droplets of sweat already trickled down your back in the morning sun as you studied the man who made your blood boil. His dark hair was braided on top as well as on the sides and, in the back, he had a nice collection of curls that anyone would be jealous of. Sihtric had bathed in the river shortly before he found you, but his impressive biceps were already glistening with sweat in the early rays of light. If you didn't hate him so much, you would think he was attractive.

'If you take much longer we will have to fetch new horses.'

'Why?' Sihtric reluctantly took the bait.

'Because these horses will have died of old age!'

'Can't you just die of old age?' he snapped.

'Oh, I'd rather be doing that right now, believe me.'

Sihtric finally climbed up on his horse and immediately stormed off in a gallop, leaving you behind. You rolled your eyes and followed, at your own pace.

************

'Was that really necessary?' you huffed, dismounting your horse after trying to catch up for hours.

Sihtric simply raised an eyebrow, looking back at you over his shoulder. He had stopped at a river to rest and was crouched down next to the flowing water. The horses needed a break and so did the two of you. It was noon and the sun was way too hot to continue the journey for now.

'We should stay here a little while,' Sihtric said after splashing the cool water in his face.

'We should.'

Sihtric frowned at you. 'Did the princess just agree with me?'

You replied by flaring your nostrils and clenched your jaw, to which Sihtric smirked. It rarely happened that you had no snappy remark to return to him.

Sihtric moved to sit under a tree, in the shade. To kill some time, he took out his knife and sharpened the blade with a whetstone, knowing the sound would eventually agitate you, because he knows you hate it when he sharpens a blade slowly, instead of fast, like you do. He kept an eye on you as you laid on your back in the same shade, a few paces away from him, with your eyes closed. After a short moment of dragging the stone slowly over the blade, he saw your left eye twitch slightly with each following stroke he made. And this amused him. With a proud smirk he continued, watching the anger build up in you slowly, but noticeable enough. Until you suddenly groaned and sat up.

'Can you stop that?'

'No.'

You tried to not explode and took a few deep breaths.

'Then do my blade as well, if you wish to be annoying!' you unsheathed your own dagger and threw it in front of his feet.

'Of course, princess. I am your loyal servant, I will do as you ask,' he said insincerely and watched you, still amused. You huffed and closed your eyes again to lay back down.

'Why do you always call me princess?' you asked after a while.

Sihtric looked up from his knife and scoffed at you.

'Because you think you're better than everyone else.'

'I do not!'

'If you say so, princess,' Sihtric mumbled.

He smirked when he saw he had angered you once again. If you weren't such a loudmouth, Sihtric would have been smitten by you. But he simply couldn't stand your attitude. Yet, he couldn't keep his eyes off you when he started to sharpen your dagger.

'Why are you always getting on my nerves?' you hissed. You could just not let things go and you knew Sihtric was deliberately dragging the whetstone at a slow pace.

'Why are you always rude to me?' Sihtric asked in return, his voice calm.

'Because you annoy me,' you tried to be calm too.

'And you annoy me.'

'Good!

'Great!' Sihtric snarled, 'here, sharpen your own blade!'

He got up, threw your dagger in front of your own feet and walked past you, to his horse. He decided it was time to continue the journey.

'I will sharpen it myself, because with your pace it will be done when I have already died of old age, along with the horses!' you spat as you grabbed your knife.

***************

'Witch,' Sihtric mumbled as he rode his horse next to you.

'Rat,' you muttered.

'Saxon.'

'Dane.'

'Turd.'

'Pagan!'

Sihtric looked you up and down, his eyebrow raised as he sniffed, 'you're also a pagan.'

'Yes,' you ignored his hard stare at you, 'but you are a filthy pagan.'

'And you are a clean pagan?' he frowned, a small smile curled on his lips.

'Princess pagan,' you said cockily, and you also couldn't hide the faintest hint of a smile when you looked at him.

The rest of the journey continued in silence, until night fell.

************

You had found an abandoned church near the, quiet, border and without saying a word you both figured it was a good place to camp. The church was half burned down, with no roof, and used to be part of a small village, which had entirely burned down several summers ago.

You went to hunt for food while Sihtric made a fire. You quickly came back with two hares and Sihtric was surprised by how fast you had managed to catch those, and you told him it was because he wasn't there to scare the animals off with his insanely loud breathing.

'I assume they never saw your face,' Sihtric said, referring to his insult about the sight of you yesterday. You rolled your eyes.

You prepared the meat and cooked it above the fire. A few hours later you were both well fed and started to set up your small camp to sleep. Sihtric was setting up his tent while he kept hearing you curse and sigh behind him. He watched as you looked through everything you had taken. You had walked back and forth to your horse several times before he finally asked what your problem was.

'I…it seems I forgot my tent.'

Sihtric frowned. His expression quickly made place for a chuckle, which grew into a wide grin, and soon he was shamelessly laughing at you.

'It's not funny!' you hissed, 'the mosquitoes will eat me alive!'

'That solves my problem,' Sihtric shrugged.

You huffed and sat down near the fire, arms crossed, while Sihtric got inside his tent and took off his armour and tunic, sleeping in only his breeches, warm and snug under his furs. A few hours passed and you started to shiver. Summer nights were always chilly up North, and you cursed yourself for forgetting to pack your tent. Sihtric already had a few hours of sleep until he was woken up by the sound of your violent sneeze, which he deemed ridiculously loud. He put his tunic back on and stepped out of his tent, walking past you, out into the darkness.

'Where are you going?'

'Piss,' he sniffed, annoyed he was awake again and that you were still there.

A short moment later he came back and noticed you were trembling. He couldn't stand you near him, but he also couldn't stand the sound of your chattering teeth. Sihtric exhaled loudly, making his annoyance clear to you before he spoke.

'We can share my tent, princess.'

'No.'

'Fine by me.'

'Good!' you said, too proud to share a tent with that bastard son.

But soon you felt a raindrop. Which quickly turned into more raindrops. And before you knew it, it was pouring down from the sky. Sihtric had listened to the rain with a sly smile, knowing you'd come begging soon.

Drenched by rain, and with embarrassment, you stepped inside Sihtric's tent. He looked up at you with his sly smile, hands behind his head, his muscular torso exposed while a fur covered everything below his waist. For a moment you wondered if he was fully naked and you grimaced, wanting to turn around and step outside again, but then you remembered you'd be sick as a dog by morning if you would sleep in the rain.

'Can I help you, princess?' Sihtric said cheekily, his head tilted slightly to the side.

'Can I sleep here?' you mumbled.

'What's that, princess?' Sihtric had heard you loud and clear.

You clenched your jaw and fought an insult.

'Can I sleep here?' you tried to ask as nicely as you could, 'please?'

'I didn't quite catch that last word, my lady.'

You wanted to refuse his earlier offer again. You wanted to poke his mismatched eyes out of his skull and you wanted to cut out his tongue. But you also wanted to be warm.

'Please,' you feigned a smile. Sihtric smiled satisfied and moved slightly to the left, making space for you on his right.

'Thank you,' you murmured as you wanted to grab a fur.

'Surely you are not thinking of soaking my furs with your wet clothes,' he said sternly.

'I will not sleep naked.'

'You will not sleep in wet clothes. You will make us both sick!'

You knew he was right, and your clothes had to dry as well. You had no other choice than to take everything off and you quickly covered yourself with one of his warm furs.

'Don't even think about looking at me,' you hissed when you saw how Sihtric was watching you with dark eyes.

'I don't even want to look at you,' he lied.

'I don't want to look at you either,' you also lied.

'I want you to shut up and go to sleep.'

'I want you to shut up too, so shut up, Sihtric!' you said, heated, as you laid down next to him and pulled another fur over your bare body.

'And I want you to stop pulling furs away from me!' Sihtric snarled as he harshly pulled back the fur you had just pulled off him, which you quickly grabbed onto, staring into his eyes. You were both filled with rage.

'I want you to stop talking to me.'

'Will that be all, princess?' Sihtric taunted as you both refused to let go of that one fur. There were more than enough furs, but you both would simply not give up this one. May the gods know why.

'Any more demands or wishes, princess?' Sihtric continued to rile you up.

'Yes,' you nearly growled, 'if you could just fuck me now we can get it over with!'

'Yeah?' Sihtric smiled, furiously.

'Yeah!'

'I will ravage you,' he said in a low voice.

'You couldn't possibly ravage me,' you dared him.

'I will fuck you till you cry.'

'Cry? Of what? Happiness when you're finally done?' you feigned a yawn.

'You will cry because you will beg me for mercy,' Sihtric said as he stared intensely into your eyes.

'I do not beg.'

'You will beg for me.'

'I. Do. Not. Beg.' you said again, but slower.

'You will get on your knees for me,' Sihtric said, his voice low and soft as he brought his face closer to yours while you both still held onto the same fur, neither refusing to let go.

'Fine,' you snarled, 'if that will make you shut up!'

You got up on your knees for him, and Sihtric quickly jerked all furs off you, licking his lips as his eyes had access to your entire naked body. You huffed at him and tugged the fur off him that had kept him covered, finding out that he was, indeed, fully naked. And your eyes darkened when you saw the size of his already hard cock.

'Turn around for me,' Sihtric breathed heavily, and you did as you were told.

'Hm,' he hummed with a smile as he watched you.

You moaned softly at the touch of his warm, rough hands, massaging your cold, wet and naked ass. Sihtric explored you slowly with his touch. Until he suddenly spanked you, hard.

'Gods!' you screamed out and gasped.

'That is for your attitude,' Sihtric snapped, and then he smacked your ass again with his flat hand, making you cry out all the same.

'That is for the way you speak to me!'

And once more, Sihtric spanked you hard, making your skin burn up.

'And that is for all the times you got on my nerves!'

Before you could make a cheeky remark, or throw an insult, Sihtric shoved you down onto his warm furs. He moved his naked body on top of yours while you faced the floor.

'I want to cut out your tongue for talking so much,' you said with ragged breath.

'You don't like it when I talk, princess?' Sihtric asked, teasing your wet entrance with the tip of his hard cock.

'Hm,' you hummed and closed your eyes at the feeling, pushing your hips up against him, grinding your drenched slit over the length of his long cock.

'Hm,' Sihtric hummed too now, with a satisfied smile as he watched you. You were in desperate need of his cock, and he knew it.

'You like that, princess?' he asked darkly.

'Yes,' you sighed, rocking your hips against his.

'I should stuff your mouth with my cock,' Sihtric chuckled, 'that will teach you how to behave.'

'I will never behave for you!' you spat.

Sihtric grabbed your hips firmly, instantly bruising you with his strength. And after he teased you a little more, he pushed deep inside you with a low, soft moan.

'Nice and tight, princess,' Sihtric exhaled sharply through his teeth as he watched his length slide all the way inside you.

'Did you just compliment me?' you grinned, loving the way he was stretching you up right now. Sihtric answered you with another hard slap on your ass cheek.

You bit down on your fist and grabbed into the furs beneath you as he fucked you hard, deep, and fast. Tears rolled down your flustered, smiling cheeks before you knew it, enjoying the way he completely ravaged you right now, like no man had ever done before.

You moaned, hard and loud. And each thrust was heard by the sound of his skin snapping against yours. And he went on for a long while, enjoying the way he had finally made you shut up. But as you seemed to take him perfectly fine, he needed to find a way to get on your nerves again.

'Enjoying me, princess?' his breath was hard and heavy.

'Y-yeah,' you said, tired and nearly numb by now.

'Good,' Sihtric sighed, and he pulled out with a warning, causing you to moan at the loss.

'No, Sihtric! Please!' you nearly screamed, 'don't stop!'

'Are you begging?'

'Please, please,' you cried, 'don't stop.'

'More,' Sitric said sternly, 'beg for me, more.' And he again slapped your ass hard.

'I need to feel you inside me. Please,' you begged and got up on your knees, facing him, 'I need… I need to ride you. I want you ride you like a fucking animal,' you growled.

'Yeah?' Sihtric provoked as he went to lay down on his back, 'you think you can tame me, princess?'

'I will make you mine,' you hissed as you climbed on top of him, 'I will make you my pet.'

Sihtric's eyes darkened even more as he watched you sink down on his cock.

'Go ahead and try, princess,' he smirked. But Sihtric couldn't deny his half open eyes were caused by how good you felt, and how beautiful he thought you were, and how hard it made him that you wanted to take control.

You began to bounce up and down his cock, and you moaned as you threw your head back, and then you laughed.

'I fucking hate you,' you smiled before you locked eyes with him again.

'The feeling is mutual,' Sihtric grinned as he placed his hands on your hips again.

You both moaned in pleasure as you continued the heated intercourse inside his tent, while the rain outside struck down over the lands. Sihtric had a firm grip on your hips and, as he was stronger than you, brought you to a halt, and he was fast to buck his hips up into you while he pulled you down on him. You let out a scream when you felt him thrust hard, all the way inside you, and your eyes teared up again at the intense feeling. You moved your hands up in his hair and pulled hard, making him snap his hips against yours again with a violent force, causing tears of pleasure to roll down your face as your body trembled.

'What?' Sihtric chuckled mischievously, 'you can't tame me, princess?'

'Fuck you,' you murmured.

Sihtric flipped you on your back, threw your legs over his shoulder and fucked you with an insanely rough pace. All his hatred for you, he used it to make you his, as hard as he could right now.

'I hate you,' he hissed, furiously slamming into you as he held your hips in place.

'I hate you more,' you moaned, 'you Dane scum.'

'Saxon bitch,' he snarled, baring his teeth and sticking his tongue out slightly as he watched you squirm underneath him.

'Do you ever shut up?' you growled and pulled his hair hard again, making Sihtric moan and become even more relentless. You both quickly became a moaning, grunting, growling and screaming mess as you fucked each other like it would finally rid you of each other forever.

'Gods, I hate you,' Sihtric moaned.

And he couldn't remember why or when it happened, but he found himself leaning into you, and he brought one hand up to your face, grabbing your chin firmly, forcing you to look at him.

'I hate you so much,' you moaned, looking into his half open eyes with your own heavy-lidded eyes.

'Tell me how much you hate me, princess,' Sihtric's tone became less furious and his pace less violent.

'I hate you,' you moaned again. Your hands moved up into his hair again and you couldn't stop yourself from pulling his face closer, 'I fucking hate you… I hate you…' you almost cried out, 'I hate how you arouse me.'

'I hate how you make me so hard all the time,' Sihtric confessed, his parted lips brushing against yours with each thrust.

'I hate how… how good you feel,' you smiled and closed your eyes, enjoying all of him inside you, 'I hate how I…how I,-' your breath hitched when Sihtric leaned his forehead against yours and lowered his body further down onto you, slamming into you with an awfully pleasant, pace.

'I…' you sighed, barely able to speak when your walls clenched his cock, and you felt his pace becoming sloppy.

'Say it! Spill it, princess,' Sihtric groaned in your ear as he came, 'spill it the way I spill myself inside you right now.'

'I … hate how I- I fuck,' you cried out and wrapped your arms around his neck, 'I hate that I fucking love how you feel, Sihtric!' you screamed as you came.

'Yes!' Sihtric growled and you heard him chuckle in your ear, 'I knew it,' he brought his face up to you as he laughed. He looked into your eyes and bit down on his lip, dragging his length out of you, so slowly, it was simply torture.

'I knew you loved something about me,' he chuckled softly and slammed back into you, one last time, riding out his own high along with yours, which earned him one last moan and another tug at his hair, which made him hiss as he still smiled at you.

'I still hate you,' you said out of breath, cupping his cheeks for some reason you couldn't explain.

'Hm,' Sihtric smiled cheekily, not knowing why he nuzzled your nose, 'you do?'

'Yeah.' You chuckled and hated how you suddenly felt shy.

'Would you hate it if I kissed you?'

'More than anything.'

'Good,' Sihtric smirked, and captured you in a gentle, sweet and loving kiss; the complete opposite of the intense hatred you had taken out on each other just yet.

'I hate you because I love you,' you confessed after he pulled away.

'And I love you because you hate me,' Sihtric admitted, stealing your heart along with another kiss.

****************

You woke up in his tent the next morning, alone and sore, which you wouldn't tell him. You got dressed in your still damp clothes which, lucky for you, dried quickly once you were out in the sun. You found Sihtric outside, eating breakfast he had made and you didn't know how to compose yourself after last night. You sat down next to him without saying a word. Sihtric immediately put his empty bowl down, got up and walked to his tent, taking it down and pack everything after. Getting ready to travel back soon with the news that, well, there was no news, because you didn't see anyone during your journey who wasn't supposed to be near the border.

'Uhm,' you looked at his empty bowl, 'where is my breakfast?'

Sihtric frowned as he looked back at you.

'Did the princess expect me to bring a golden bowl for her?' he taunted, 'Do you expect me to feed you as well, my lady?'

'Shut up,' you huffed. You took whatever leftovers you found in the small pan above the smouldering fire, which was clearly not enough, but you'd steal a few apples somewhere later. You sat back in the shade, watching how Sihtric was packing everything up. It was early and once again incredibly warm due to summer heat. You quickly ate and packed up whatever was still laying around, and after that you found shelter in the shade again.

'Gods, you really have the worst pace with everything, don't you?' you mocked as Sihtric readied his horse slowly again, which you knew was because of the heat.

'You didn't complain about my pace last night!' Sihtric snarled as he saw you enjoying the shade, while droplets of sweat ran down his face.

'Oh, please,' you rolled your eyes.

'Yeah, that's what you said last night too.'

You decided to ignore him and mounted your horse, kicking your heels and wandering off, leaving Sihtric behind.

Soon enough he caught up with you and without another word you decided to rest at the same spot as yesterday, near the river, before continuing back home.

You sat under the same tree as the day before when Sihtric started taking off his clothes, right in front of you.

'What are you doing?!'

'I wish to bathe,' he scoffed and threw his tunic at you with a grin.

'Surely you can undress somewhere else,' you snapped as you flung the fabric back to him.

'You could also direct your eyes somewhere else if I arouse you too much.'

'Gods, I hate you!' you shouted as you jumped up and stormed past him.

'You do,' Sihtric took your hand in passing and pulled you towards him, 'but you also love me.'

'Last night was just a one time thing, Sihtric!' you said while your hands moved up his bare, toned chest.

'Was it?' he clicked his tongue, cupping your cheek.

'Yes!' you hissed as you looked up at him.

'Good!

'Fine!'

You snarled at each other before you both desperately crashed your lips together for a heated kiss. Later you would blame each other for ending up on the grass, and neither would take the blame, but regardless, it happened.

'I hate you,' Sihtric hummed in between kisses as you laid on top of him, his arms wrapped around you.

'I hate you more,' you murmured, kissing his neck.

'How much more?'

'Not enough,' you whispered as he took your face in his hands, 'because I hate the idea of not having you by my side. And you make me sick,' you chuckled lightly, pecking his lips as he looked up in your eyes.

'How sick?' Sihtric smiled softly.

'Not enough,' you repeat yourself, 'because I feel even sicker when I'm not with you.'

'I know,' Sihtric said cockily as he caressed your cheeks with his rough thumbs.

'Oh, please,' you sighed and got off him.

'Will you finally admit you want to be with me or are you going to continue to run away from me?'

'I will run!' you snarled and walked away from him.

'Sure, but don't come running to me again tonight!'

'I won't!' you lied.

'You will,' Sihtric mumbled with a smirk, watching you run away from your feelings once again.

Sihtric had time, he would wait. He knew it wouldn't take long anymore before you finally stopped lying to yourself, and to him. But he also didn't know it would already happen later that night, back in Coccham, when you had knocked his door and said you came by just to rant about how you hated him. To which he had listened with a smile before he pulled you inside, where he made sweet love to you on his floor, and after that you just couldn't lie anymore.

****************

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#sihtric kjartansson #sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #the last kingdom fic #the last kingdom #sihtric #sihtric fic #tlk

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mylittlesecrethaven · 24 days

Text

How Relationships With Them Would Be: Pt 2

OH MY GOODNESS IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

Anyway, let's do this.

I'm finishing this up.

Even though nobody asked me to.

Vice housewarden time. (Also, I know some of the dorms don't have vice housewardens, but you know what I mean by these characters. Please don't comment or message or whatever and be like "Um, actually--" Cause I know. Don't worry. :3 Thanks tho)

Trey:

Ngl, perfect boyfriend material. I can't really see anything that would go bad unless you're just super stubborn about your teeth brushing habits. I think that's the only deal breaker for him.

MC: But I don't wanna brush my teeth now! I'm going to bed.

Trey: Do you know what can happen to your teeth by skipping even one brushing session?

MC: Don't know, don't care.

All in all, the only way this wouldn't work out is if you are the asshole.

Ruggie:

Pfft- You fucking wish. I mean, if you get close enough, maybe. But this boi would probably rather trick you and snatch your shit than try to date you. Of course, even if you did get close, he'd tease you to no end. (But if y'all were dating, I'd say he'd be a pretty ok boyfriend)

MC: Um... where's my wallet?

Ruggie: Oh, I used it to buy food.

MC: Oh, how much food?

Ruggie: As much as I could get with whatever was in there.

MC: ...

Ruggie: And then I sold the wallet for some quick cash.

MC: ....my wallet....

Yeah, you could never keep anything valuable.

Jade:

Unless you're into sadism, you'd fucking die. Also, if you hate mushrooms, good fucking luck. And if you piss him off? You're family would never find you again. I swear, being with this guy would always have you on edge.

MC: Um... Jade? I may have.... sorta.... kinda.... destroyed one of your terrariums... On accident though!

Jade: *silent stare*

MC: ....Jade?....

Jade: *creepy smile thing he does*

(And then MC either goes missing, gets left up on a mountain, or has to work all of Jade's shifts at Monstro Lounge for a month while also helping maintain all of his garden shit)

So yeah. Unless you're ok with constantly being watched for weakness or blackmail, I'd say don't date this psycho.

Jamil:

I mean.... maybe? He's super weird about trust, so even getting close to him would be hard. If y'all are close, I'd say it'd be ok. He probably wouldn't have as much time for you as you'd like since he has to deal with Kalim all the time. Otherwise, I'd say he's ok.

MC: Can we go on that date tomorrow?

Jamil: No. Kalim is hosting another party.

MC: Again? He just had one yesterday, and I've been trying to get us to go on a date for weeks.

Jamil: Can't. Sorry.

Kalim would honestly be your biggest problem while actually dating Jamil. I'd say he'd be almost as good as Trey, otherwise.

Rook:

Another maybe. Sorta like how Jamil has to deal with Kalim, Rook is obsessed with Vil, so you'd kinda have to fight for attention. Honestly, you'd have to fight for his attention with everything. If you're a dull person, you stand no chance in pulling his eyes and actually dating him. However, unlike Jamil who has pretty much no choice in having to deal with Kalim, you'd have to live with the fact that Rook actually chooses other stuff over you.

MC: I made this cool art piece!

Rook: And it is beautiful! *goes back to watching Vil*

MC: That's.... that's it?

Rook: *still watching Vil* It is an amazing work of art! *pause* Oooo! Vil looks stunning today!

I feel like you'd have to have really high self-esteem to deal with being showed up by other stuff. It'd honestly really suck.

Ortho:

Lilia:

Honestly? Probably an ok boyfriend. As long as you're also a prankster, at least. If you're too dull or very lowkey, he'd probably gloss right over you. But if you're bubbly and hyperactive like him? Then yes. It'd also work if you're lowkey, but spook easily. I'd say he's alright.

Lilia: *appears behind MC* Hello!

MC: *nearly jumps out of their skin*

Lilia: *laughing*

MC: Not funny!

Not as good as Trey, but I think he'd be fine otherwise. The only big issue would be secrets, so if you aren't ok with your partner keeping a few private details to themselves, Lilia probably wouldn't like you as much. (Or maybe he'd like you more cause he'd get to tease you with it, but you might not like it yourself)

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bingbongsupremacy · 10 months

Text

Escape

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Warnings: Forced Marriage, mentions reader wearing a dress, mentions blood

Summary: The night of your arranged marriage you make your escape. Little do you know someone has the same idea.

Prompt from Pinterest.

Royal AU

*Not Proof Read* TLOU Masterlist

Pt. 1 Pt. 2

*****

This can't be fucking happening.

" You're not forcing me to marry someone! " I seethe angrily.

My father narrows his eyes. " Do not raise your voice at me, Y/N. I am your father and I am your king. You will marry who I tell you to marry. " His voice is cool but firm.

My mother finally decides to speak up. " It's for the sake of our kingdom, Y/N. Your wedding will act as an alliance between our countries. We will finally have enough resources for our soldiers. Think about your people, Y/N. "

" All I ever do I think about my people! " I clench my fists in rage. " Everything I do is for them. I live my life to please. All I ask is to be allowed to choose who I marry. "

" Proper ladies do not curse. " My mother corrects.

My father snaps, obviously tired of my fighting. " Y/N, this is not up for discussion. You will do as you are told. You are to be married tomorrow morning. I expect you to be on your best behavior. If you do anything to sabotage this marriage, you will be punished. You need to accept that as the eldest child in our family this is your responsibility. You are dismissed. " His tone leaves no room for argument.

I glare up at the man. Who the hell does he think he is? I do everything he asks of me, and this is how he repays me?

I'd rather die than be forced into a marriage.

------

Why the fuck did I have to get such a high room?

I finish tying the last sheet onto my makeshift rope. Carefully, I lug the heavy pile to the window.

Fuck that's far.

I refused to go to dinner tonight, where I'd undoubtedly be forced to converse with my soon to be spouse. Five minutes of awkward meeting was enough.

Instead I opted to locking myself into my room and began working on my escape plan. At least if I die I won't have to spend my life awkwardly sitting around with a stranger.

I shove the heavy blanket rope out of the window. I tug on it, making sure it's secure before finally making my way down the wall.

I'll admit, the woman they chose wasn't horrible looking. My parent's could've picked worse. Her green eyes were definitely captivating.

Under different circumstances, perhaps we could've been friends.

A small grunt grabs my attention.

My head snaps towards the sound. " What the fuck are you doing here? " I whisper to a familiar figure.

" Shouldn't I be asking you? Don't you live here, Princess? " Princess Ellie glances over at me, not bothering to stop. She's dressed in the same dark pants and white dress shirt from before, a leather bag strapped on her back.

" Well...yeah...I'm just..."

" Leaving. You don't want to get married either. I get it. " Princess Ellie agrees.

" Who goes there! " A loud voice shouts from above. " Trespassers! Guards, get the gate! "

Fuck!

" Shit, love to continue talking, Princess, but we gotta hurry. I don't really feel like getting an arrow to the ass tonight. "

How the fuck did I just realize how high up we are? If I fall there's no way I'd survive.

Just don't look down. Don't look down.

I tightly clench onto the sheet rope and continue making my way down.

The yelling from above gets closer.

Almost there!

" Fire! " A guard yells.

" Fuck. " Princess Ellie grunts while jumping onto the ground.

An arrow wizzes by, missing my head by an inch. The sudden movement causes me to loose my grasp. My body plunges down to the ground. I close my eyes, expecting to smack the ground within seconds.

What I don't expect is for someone to catch me.

I look up at Princess Ellie in surprise.

" Let's go! " She rushes, quickly setting me down. She doesn't however let go of my hand. Her fingers send tingles through my arm.

Right now's not the time, Y/N.

We run through the courtyard, arrows chasing after us. The gate ahead begins to close.

" No! " I pant in fear. God, I need to do more cardio. " We're not gonna make it. "

Princess Ellie begins running faster. " Yes we are. "

The gate is just about to close when we finally reach it. Princess Ellie slides underneath, letting go of my hand.

I crawl after her, trying not to get crushed. The gate lets out a loud boom as It hits the ground. I let out a small yelp as I'm quickly yanked back against the cold metal bars. The bottom of my dress stops me from running into the woods after Princess Ellie. " Help me! " I call after the woman.

Princess Ellie's head snaps back towards me. A look of annoyance flashes over her face.

I bunch up the back of my dress and attempt to pull it free. Behind the gates a group of soldiers rushes closer. Their voices boom out orders as they prepare to capture us.

" You really had to wear a dress, huh? " Princess Ellie mutters while pulling out a small knife. In one smooth movement she slices off a chunk of my dress.

" It's the only non-fancy one I have. I don't exactly have pants lying around. " I defend. I'd like to have pants but according to mother it's 'un-lady like' or whatever the hell that means.

Princess Ellie clenches the knife in her hand we run towards the woods. She doesn't bother responding.

" Where are we going? " I ask, glancing around at the dark forest. I've never been out this far.

" We're, " Through the moonlight I can see Princess Ellie gesture between herself and I. " not going anywhere. I'm going north. I'm not sure where you're going. "

My heart begins to pound. Where do I go? Fuck, I've never been outside the gates. I have no idea where to begin. " I don't know where to go. "

Up ahead a dark moving shape captures my attention. A horse.

" You really didn't think this through, did you? " Princess Ellie peers over at me.

I feel heat climb my cheeks. " I...no. " I admit. " I've never left the palace before. I didn't know what would be out here. "

Princess Ellie shakes her head with a sigh. " Fine. I'll...I'll lead you to the nearest village. Maybe you can find refuge there. But tonight we need to find a place to stay. And we need to get you out of those clothes. " She glances over my dress.

Princess Ellie hops up onto the horse before glancing down at me. " Well, are you just going to stand there? "

I scramble up behind her, wrapping my arms around her warm waist. I've never been a fan of horses. Ever since I was bucked off by a pony at age 9, they've terrified me.

" Loosen the grip, will ya? " Princess Ellie mutters, urging the horse to go.

" Sorry, Princess Ellie. " I mutter, softening my grip.

I feel her tense beneath me. " Don't call me that. " She says stiffly.

" What would you like me to call you then? " I ask, not sure if I offended her in some way.

" Just Ellie. "

" Alright, Ellie. "

We ride through the dark woods for what seems like hours. No amount of eerie creaks or unknown animal noises seem to scare Ellie. She remains calm through it all.

I can't say the same about me. The trees cast terrifying shadows onto the forest floor. As we ride they seem to move. There's multiple times where I think I've seen glowing eyes.

Eventually I resort to looking straight ahead at the back of Ellie's neck. Her auburn hair rests against her pale neck, shining slightly in the moonlight. A birthmark sits underneath just above her collar, barely big enough for me to see in the dark.

" We'll stay here for the night. " Ellie's voice cuts my thoughts short.

I tear my gaze away from the back of her neck. Up ahead a small house and barn comes into view. All lights are off. The air is silent. I hadn't noticed the clearing ahead.

The midnight air sends a shiver through my body. I really should've brought a coat. The large chunk of my missing dress really doesn't help.

" We need to be quiet. " Ellie states as we begin approaching the back of the barn. Whoever lives here is obviously asleep. " We'll sleep in the barn tonight, leave first thing in the morning. " I let go of Ellie's waist as she climbs down to open the barn doors. She quietly leads the horse and I inside.

I carefully get off, making sure I'm as far away from the horses' hind legs as possible. I do not want kicked.

Ellie ties the horse near a pile of hay. She shuts the barn door, immediately plunging us into darkness. A small window at the top of the barn casts just enough light for us to be able to see our surroundings.

Ellie opens up her back pack, pulling out a jacket. " Here. " She tosses it over to me. " I know you're um cold. "

" Thanks. " I mutter, quickly pulling it on. I look around for a place to lay down. Who knew running away drained your energy so much.

I spot another bail of hay across the barn. Too tired to care about the way the hay stabs through my clothes, I lay down on the pile.

The last thing I hear is Ellie shuffling around in the distance.

_____

A loud neigh causes me to wake up.

I lurch from my spot on the ground, my heart pounding in fear. Where the fuck am I?

I spot the familiar brown horse a few feet away lazily chomping on hay. It glances at me briefly before quickly returning to its' meal.

" Finally. I thought you died or something. " Ellie's voice mutters from my left.

I look over in surprise, still slightly disoriented. " What? "

Ellie ignores me, handing me a small pile of clothes. " Snagged these from the laundry line. Not the most...stylish but they'll do. "

Just then I notice her outfit change. Her expensive silk blouse has been swapped for a loose fitting cotton shirt, torn in multiple places.

I accept the clothes gratefully, happy to wear something else. " Thanks. I'll be right back. " I quickly change into the rough pants and shirt. When I walk back around the stall, I find Ellie gathering up her things. She tosses an apple over to me. " Where'd you get this? " I ask curiously while taking a bite. "

" Packed it. Figured you most likely didn't bring anything. " She glances towards me.

My face heats up in embarrassment. " I live in the moment, not in the future. "

Ellie rolls her eyes. " Yeah. Great excuse. "

I don't miss the small curl on the sides of her lips.

" Well, Princess. We've got another days worth of riding to do to get to the next village. " Ellie pulls out a small bag. She drops a few gold coins onto a nearby work bench. " We better get going. "

I really didn't think this through.

_____

" So, why up north? " I ask.

The mid day heat has finally started to kick in. What I wouldn't give to lay in a cool dark room right now.

Ellie isn't the most talkative person. She's more of an observer. One thing I've noticed during my few hours with her is you can't sneak anything by her. She notices everything. Your movements, your surroundings, everything.

" To build a farm. My kingdom barely scouts the northern region. I can finally get away from this life. Just be a person. My own person. Not my mother's. Not the kingdoms. Just myself. "

From the moment you're born it's instilled into you that you're not your own person. You live and breath for the kingdom. To please the people. Everything you do is for them and for your parents. You are to do as you are told, not what your heart desires. Any hopes and dreams are quickly crushed at an early age. After all, you owe it to your kingdom.

" That sounds amazing. " I mutter. " No people to please. Just yourself to care for. "

Ellie hums in agreement.

" What about you? What do you want to do? " Ellie asks.

Now that's something I haven't heard before.

I think for a moment. " I'm not sure. "

Ellie laughs slightly, shaking her head.

" Really, I don't know. I've never been outside the walls. I don't really know where to begin. Maybe I'll work at a bakery. " I ponder.

Ellie glances back at me. " Well, you're free now, Princess. The world is yours. "

We sit in a comfortable silence, thoughts of the future on my mind.

The warmth of the sun causes my eyes to droop. Maybe I'll just sleep for a few minutes. Just a few.

I lay my head against Ellie's back. For a moment she tenses but she doesn't say anything. Within seconds, the combination of the horses' rhythmic footsteps and the warm sun send to sleep.

-----

" -Then you skin it. " Ellie instructs while watching me attempt to skin the rabbit she caught. " Not like that. Here, let me show you. " She gently grabs it from my hands. " Like this. "

My stomach clenches at the sight of the blood. " Yeah, no. I don't think I can do that. "

" Well you're going to have to if you're planning on living out here. "

" Maybe I'll go back. " I mutter.

Ellie looks up, an unamused look on her face. " I did not ride an a day's journey out of my way only for you to go back. "

I bite the inside of my cheek. " I guess you're right. It would be pretty shitty for me to do that. "

Ellie hums in agreement, finishing up cleaning the rabbit. With every new step she does, she verbally explains how to do it.

I carefully turn the rabbit on the stick, making sure each part of it is cooked evenly. " How do you know so much about how to survive out here? "

Ellie looks up from her spot against a nearby log. She twists the knife she was fiddling win in her hand over, examining the handle. " I've been trying to leave for years. I just never had the balls. If I got married to you, I never would've been able to leave. No offence. "

I nod. " I get that. I didn't want to get married either. " I let out a sigh. " My parents promised I was going to be able to choose who I was going to marry. " My jaw clenches. " They obviously fucking lied. "

For a moment the only sound is the sizzling meat.

" Did you know who you wanted to marry? " Ellie asks curiously.

I shake my head. " No. Not yet. But I know I wanted them to be...normal. "

" Normal? "

I let go of the stick, settling against the trunk of a tree. " Yeah. You know, not rich as fuck. I'm surrounded by assholes every day. I guess I figured if I found someone who wasn't like them, maybe in a way I could pretend I'm living a normal life. "

Ellie thinks for a moment.

" Penny for your thoughts? "

" Do you want to come up north with me? " Ellie asks suddenly.

My eyes widen in surprise. Is she serious?

" I mean, obviously you don't have to. I just figured you know...since you don't really know what the fuck you're doing...maybe I could help you. Teach you how to survive. At least the basics. " Ellie explains, her gaze meeting mine. " Then once you're ready, you can go wherever. You'll know how to take care of yourself. "

" Yes. " I answer without hesitating. " I'll go with you. "

A small smile crawls on Ellie's face. " Alright. We'll leave at dawn. "

#fanfic #fanfiction #ellie williams x reader #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x you #ellie x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie williams

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munchmemes · 1 year

Text

melanie martinez lyrics, portals edition

❛ my body has died but i'm still alive. ❜

❛ your words mean nothin' so take 'em back. ❜

❛ you're always on my mind, i cannot help it. ❜

❛ i don't wanna be carrying the weight on my shoulders. ❜

❛ death has come to me, kiss me on the cheek and gave me closure. ❜

❛ i won't say goodbye, i'm right by your side. ❜

❛ i'm back from the dead. ❜

❛ i know it's morbid but we all die one day. ❜

❛ there's rotten things left in me injected by society. ❜

❛ i cannot bear my sorrow. ❜

❛ i hate who i was before. ❜

❛ i fear i won't live to see the day tomorrow. ❜

❛ look at the mess i've done, there is nowhere to run. ❜

❛ like a priest behind confession walls, i judge myself. ❜

❛ my eyes are staring at me and they seem so damn unhappy. ❜

❛ collect my fickle insecurities and turn them into beauty. ❜

❛ yeah, you can look but you can't touch. i'm not just anybody. ❜

❛ thought the cherry would be better than the pie, you're like that. that's your demise. ❜

❛ it's obvious what you're after but i'm more than that. ❜

❛ i saw that trick fall out your sleeve. ❜

❛ you hum a tune i don't believe and it ain't working. ❜

❛ crossing my heart, i'd rather die than be the needle in your eye. ❜

❛ it could've been more, now we'll never know. ❜

❛ i know how to make you go crazy every day. ❜

❛ if you wanna run with the magic, lose sight of the gravity of home. ❜

❛ i've been the boys and the girls and everyone in between. ❜

❛ you are the light i've been searching for forever. ❜

❛ my past grew mold around my heart. ❜

❛ all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared. it's madness. ❜

❛ i'm not used to all this love, it's true. but you made me want to plan out my last days on earth. ❜

❛ i was surprised to see heaven in your eyes. ❜

❛ i never once was treated right. ❜

❛ you're what i'm missing in my life. ❜

❛ let's run into another dimension, you make me feel like i'm on drugs. ❜

❛ i wish to not be perceived, i didn't ask for this dangerous visibility. ❜

❛ i'm feeling too scared to sleep. ❜

❛ i'm flexing like pricks with their stolen power. ❜

❛ you're/they're feeding off our highs and lows. curious to see us struggle. ❜

❛ the center may seem like a gift. once you arrive, it'll strip you of your life and you'll wish that you never did. ❜

❛ how much blood can you draw with your claws from a flesh that's not yours? ❜

❛ you used all your words for a quick game and blew it all before you won. ❜

❛ they talk without thinking and they bark while they're shaking. ❜

❛ i'll be silent 'til you cross the line. ❜

❛ don't you battle with my larynx tonight. ❜

❛ call all your guys in the dive bar, they'll give you the validation your daddy could never bestow you. ❜

❛ i'm done doing backbends. ❜

❛ you got me like a bad tattoo, always under skin even when it gets removed. ❜

❛ i never got a chance to undo positions that you forced my way into. ❜

❛ why you always act so serious? ❜

❛ it's so scary how my aura got him howling at my moon cycle. ❜

❛ i don't gotta act, i'm a theorist. ❜

❛ i could win a fight on my period. matter of fact, right now, i could build a pyramid. you're messing with my cycle, that is dangerous. ❜

❛ i won't lick your wounds today but i'll throw you in the ring, get you with my suffering. ❜

❛ i'm not crazy, i'm not wild. you're just a stupid, little child. ❜

❛ get your image off my back, i'll give you a heart attack. ❜

❛ i will not suffer and cry under covers. i'm not your mother. ❜

❛ i won't be ashamed for loving you so honestly. ❜

❛ i used to miss your kiss. now i'm hop-skip jumpin' over narcissists. ❜

❛ i never knew what it meant to be content with you. ❜

❛ everything i expressed and professed, it never quite made it through. ❜

❛ they said it's all in my head whenever i spoke my truth. ❜

❛ no, i won't defend you to all my friends. this time, i refuse. ❜

❛ take it to the grave if you wanna play pretend. ❜

❛ i won't be mistreated, please call me conceited. ❜

❛ lovin' you was lethal, guess that makes me evil. ❜

❛ every time you tell a lie, i'm praying that you choke. ❜

❛ hope you never cope, hope you slip on soap. ❜

❛ not safe but i'm sound. ❜

❛ all of the planning yet i still feel unprepared. ❜

#lyrics rp starters #lyrics starters #lyrics meme #lyrics rp meme #roleplay meme #rp starters #rp meme #sentence starters

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papermint-airplane · 10 months

Text

I haven't had an intrusive thought that has caused actual panic in a long time. I've gotten really good at facing my intrusive thoughts and being like "you're an intrusive thought and I'd like you to go ahead and shut the fuck up". That sounds unhinged af but that's an actual legitimate strategy that therapists tell people with OCD and anxiety (like me) to use. And it works well after a certain point (getting to that point is its own battle though). Now I can shut them down fairly quickly so they don't cause as much distress as they used to.

Sometimes, though, some of them slip through my defenses and make me have A Very Bad Time™. This is one of those times.

Hit the cut if you're interested in how I combat these.

Last night, as I was laying in my bed trying to sleep, my OCDemon was like, "I'm going to ruin this bitch's whole life". I knew, I just knew that a car or low flying plane or something was going to crash through my bedroom window and game-end me right then and there. That is extremely unlikely to happen for multiple reasons I don't think I even need to enumerate to people whose brains don't hate them, but I was so sure it was going to happen and I was going to die.

I fought it the way I've been taught. Facts and logic, baby. "My bedroom does not face the road". Check. "In order for a plane to hit my house, they'd have to be flying so low that I would hear it coming and have time to respond in some way". Check. "I need to sleep. I have work tomorrow and there's nowhere else for me to sleep. I have to be here." Check.

It didn't work right away. It never does. I had to keep going over and over it in my head while forcing my body to lie still. At this point, the fight or flight mode had already kicked in. I was shaking, feeling irritable, feeling scared, heart beating super fast and skipping beats, sweating, all your classic physical symptoms. I wanted to get up and get as far away from that bed as I could, but I held myself down. I kept repeating the facts. "You're not in any danger. Nothing is coming through that window."

Eventually, I relaxed enough to sleep but it must have been fitful. I don't remember anything because I was zonked out but I woke up to my sheets and pillows halfway on the floor so I must have thrashed around like a dying fish all night.

I am exhausted and I'm still feeling a heightened sense of anxiety, but it's way more manageable right now. I just keep wanting to check the news which is unfortunately an OCD compulsion of mine whenever I'm feeling anxious because I guess my brain wants a reason to be anxious. Wouldn't ya know it, this shitty world loves to give it those reasons. Lucky me. I am fighting it as much as I can. My rule is no checking more than twice a day (I will literally do it hundreds of times during a bad flareup) and if it gets too bad, I have to text my therapist. I'd rather not bother him off-hours so this means I'm fighting my existential dread with my fear of being a nuisance lmao.

This is rough and anyone else going through this, I am right there with you. It sucks not being able to trust your own thoughts. It sucks having to fight your own body. If I had a cure, we'd all be fucking cured right now. But all I have is an arsenal of techniques that work just barely at best and not at all at worst. All you can do is keep fighting.

I need a nap.

#ramblings #tw: mental illness #tw: obsessive compulsive disorder #tw: anxiety #tw: panic attack #coping techniques #coping strategies #recovery #therapy #i just thought maybe this could help someone else idk #i mostly just wanted to get this off my chest

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mlobsters · 6 months

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supernatural s11e11 into the mystic (w. robbie thompson)

giving credit where it's due, i think the show has been doing a good job picking licensed work, especially when not stuck to a particular genre. enjoyed here will you love me tomorrow by the shirelles

okay that monster is uh. something. don't eat the baby!! poor sweet thing.

LUCIFER When your brother was trapped in Purgatory you were here with a girl and a dog. You can't win this, Sam. You're just not strong enough. You didn't even bother trying to find him. And I know that if you're gonna beat the Darkness, you have to be ready to watch the people you love die.

i'd say don't let lucifer get to you, sam - but hell. i spiral over the smallest of social interactions, let alone the big evil angel who knows all my weak spots and is pushing the sorest ones for maximum manipulation. also where is the light coming from in his room with the pattern, he doesn't have a window? is it a weird lampshade? nightlight? scented plugin nightlight?? 🤪

everything's fine! been up who knows how long cleaning my gun, per yoozh

DEAN You okay? SAM Yeah, I'm fine. DEAN Are you sure? 'Cause you haven't left the bunker in days. SAM I'm fine.

I'M ACES, DEAN.

cas will be fine! which brings about the question, what's crowley doing in all this? i know he declared the team-up over, but no heads up about lucifer being out? is he incapacitated in some way?

(kinda wishing we had pellegrino to still be lucifer but i get it)

DEAN Maybe we ought to make a reservation. SAM Yeah, we should be so lucky to live long enough.

did know about this. don't be sad, don't be sad.

SAM Turns out Harold was stealing the other residents' Viagra. DEAN I know. A real dick move, huh?

cmon sammy, not even a chuckle? that was a good (bad) one :P

dean pocketing some viagra, all right.

(wiki) According to a tweet by writer Robbie Thompson, Dean stealing the Viagra was unscripted, and was ad-libbed by Jensen Ackles.

gosh that's pretty. what a lovely profile shot of sam

DEAN So no retirement, huh? SAM Hey, you're the one who's always wanted to go out blaze of glory style preferably while the Bon Jovi song is playing. DEAN I'm a candle in the wind. Yeah, but the way you said it, it was like that blaze of glory was gonna happen sooner rather than later.

lip service to the blaze of glory when it looks like all is lost but of course he wants to grow old together.

DEAN Are you okay? SAM No, I'm not, actually. Not at all. Being so close to Lucifer again, that... Brought stuff up. Stuff I thought I forgot about. DEAN You want to talk about it? SAM No. DEAN Well, look. Lucifer is never getting out of that cage, ever. And you are never going back, period. So... Case closed.

💔on all accounts

SAM Let's burn the bones so we can go home.

at least the bunker's home now

DEAN Gold blade. I don't have any in the trunk, so I got to head back to the bunker and grab a couple. You stay here and figure out who in this place is vulnerable.

someone vulnerable, like say, sam??

all this banshee talk makes me miss lydia from teen wolf. def the good kind of banshee though, no brain munching to be found

after hours of staring at 1968-1970 ford galaxies i see how similar they are to the impala lol

blarrgh dean is gonna unload his amara secrets to lucifer!cas, fucking great. always anyone but sam

DUDE. how had i never stumbled into this?? so i'm looking up mildred's actress dee wallace, and she was the mom in E.T.!! but!!! the little boy, elliott! is the dude in all the flanagan stuff - young hugh crain in hill house, henry in bly manor. mind blown LOL. that movie devastated me as a child and i haven't watched it since haha (which reminds me i was talking to my very sensitive 10 year old about charlotte's web and i was like, wasn't it sad? and he's like. eh. me: really? not sad?? him: ehh. LOL okay! i'm glad for you, little dude, didn't end up with that particular flavor of my sensitivity too)

anyway!

s11e11 mildred / e.t. (1982) dee wallace as mary

MILDRED I knew it. I knew it! I -- you two are too cute to be FBI agents.

i mean...

i was a little nervous what they were gonna do with marlene/eileen, having a deaf actress and character be a hunter is cool. assuming she doesn't die :S also she could teach them whatever fancy sigil situation she used to trap sam. ooh and a men of letters legacy, too. please don't kill her.

DEAN I tried to kill her. LUCIFER/CAS Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark. DEAN Yeah, no, it's, uh... It's more than that. LUCIFER/CAS Attraction? Oh, Dean. DEAN I know. I know. Okay? Whatever it is... attraction, connection... I got to tell you, man, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it. I don't know that I can resist it.

christ on a cracker. i hate everything about this. i got some time off from being enraged over him IMMEDIATELY lying to sam after all this we gotta be straight with each other yet again, but hey it's back. and now divulging to lucifer inadvertently, so much hate it.

[Mildred signs to Eileen ‘I got dibs on the other guy. You can have the tall one’] [Mildred giggles as she signs ‘I’m not much of a mountain climber anymore’ and laughs] [Eileen signs [‘Are you sure you don’t want both?’]

that was so cute and funny. thirsting over the boys in plain sight, and eileen like girl, shoot your shot, try for both of them! mildred is gorgeous, i think dean might be down

SAM Are you worried about her? So does this mean she has a shot? DEAN Well, I always did have a thing for Blanche on “Golden Girls” SAM Seriously? DEAN Hey, don't judge what you don't understand, Sammy. SAM No, I'm -- I'm not judging. I-I just always had a thing for Sophia. DEAN Yeah, I could see that.

sophia, huh. i mean, okay. can you imagine though, 6'4" sam and 4'10" estelle getty. talk about mountain climbing. and of course dean liked blanche, no brainer. and rue mclanahan was all of 51 when the show started

well, he went all-in on the crazy smile (sorry, pellegrino would never 😔)

EILEEN My mother was a lawyer. Be nice to follow in her footsteps. SAM I was studying law at Stanford when my brother came and got me so we could get our revenge. EILEEN You've been hunting together ever since? SAM Yeah. I-I wouldn't do this without my brother. He's had my back every step of the way. Even when I let him down.

oh, sammy 💔 show's convinced you that you fucked up more than i think you have (pushing the purgatory thing and i'm still not convinced :p) meanwhile we get to highlight how dean's fucking up right this moment.

well damn. they've done a great job establishing some little side characters i actually care about. thinkin if something happens to eileen or mildred 🔪🔪🔪

MILDRED You know, tell me something. When's the last time you watched a sunset without waiting for something to go bump in the night?

they (supposedly) would park and look at the stars sometimes, maybe they should add sunsets to the list

MILDRED You want to know the secret to living a long and happy life? DEAN Actually, yes, I do. MILDRED Follow your heart. You do that, all the rest just figures itself out.

and since i like her character and how she's playing her, this little sappy advice made me cry. also, i love how she's openly flirting with dean and he's flustered but not in the ew gross old lady is hitting on me way

great, and dean's the vulnerable one? i mean honestly, they're both emotionally vulnerable disasters all the time so.

MILDRED Darlin'... if there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

i mean. is he pining for amara? is that what we're going with? this obviously has the ambiguity that you could slap it on to whatever ship of choice as well. follow your heart to sam instead of your dick to amara? :p this nebulous connection to her is... nebulous. halfway tempted to just fucking look up how this plays out, but then i'm just waiting for things to happen (which is why i don't do well with big spoilers) so i probably won't. it has to be dire to do that (and i have with this show in the past, just to know how many episodes of whatever plotline were in my future)

DEAN He was looking for lore on the Darkness. Something a little off about him, too. SAM Something always seems a little bit off about Cas. Yeah, you know, being so close to Lucifer probably wasn't easy for him, either.

i'd say some of that's on the inconsistent writing/characterization of cas, but potayto potahto :p brushing off dean's concern to aid in finding out about lucifer at the worst time, i can imagine

SAM Dean... when I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone. But I didn't. I stopped. And I've never forgiven myself for it. DEAN Well... I have. Hey. That's in the past, man. What's done is done. All that matters now, all that's ever mattered, is that we're together.

oh 😭

oh god and sam's box with actual baby dean and sam in addition to the retirement home brochure?? now i'm really crying. good god. i knew about the brochure, but not the picture as actual kids

at least dean got into sleep clothes and under the covers this time.

go talk to sam, you stubborn ass.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 11x11 #hiky #spnhiky #dee wallace #e.t.#robbie thompson #spn bloody or sad #christopher lennertz #sam and dean mush #all that's ever mattered is that we're together

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trikruismybitch · 8 months

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PROMPTS

* "your scared aren’t you? Your entire life you’ve broken and done what you want to people but now that you finally realize someone can do it to you and you're terrified."

* “ I love all of you. Even the parts that you believe are too dark and too shameful. Every scar. Every flaw. Every imperfection. I love you. “

* “To truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them. And that’s it. That’s All.”

* “I wish I had done everything on earth with you.”

* “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.”

* “They say when you meet the love of your life time stops.”

* “Love isn’t something we invented its, observable and powerful it has to mean something.”

* “But the hearts not like a box that gets filled up, it expands the more you love.”

* “Because, every parting from you is like a little eternity.”

* “I would rather die tomorrow, then live a hundred years without you.”

* “Your so stupid (name)! Why did you do that! Why?” “You jump I jump right?”

* “The best love is the kind that weakens the soul, that makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.”

* “Can’t you see? Every step I have taken, since I was that child on a bridge, has been to bring myself a step closer to you.”

* “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love...I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

* “I love you more than I have loved any women, I have have waited longer for you, than I have for any other women.”

* “My dream? My dream wouldn’t be complete without you in it.”

* “This, this part of you, don’t destroy it.”

* “Winning that ticket (name) was the best thing that ever happened to me, it brought me to you.”

* “I don’t want to be worshipped I want to be loved.”

* “And the last thing you will ever see will be me because I love you.”

* “Because I want you! All of you. forever.”

* “And in this moment I swear we are infinite.”

* “Life is short, the world is wide, I want to make some memories.”

* “You can rest now.”

* “I waited for you for seven years, and now it’s too late.”

* “I will never let go, I promise.”

* “Take her to the moon for me.”

* “Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere.”

* “You still go to bed every night, going over every detail, and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.”

* “I want the fairytale.”

* “I love you” “then prove it”

* “What would you do for love?”

* “It’s you (name) it’s always been you”

* “I know my value, anyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.”

* “It was no surprise to me when I finally understood that (gender) was the most beautiful person I had seen in all my life.”

* “It’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard and we’re gonna have to work at this everyday but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me everyday.”

* “I don’t wanna forget you. I don’t want to forget us.”

👇 Part 2 to 👆

* “I would take my year with you over a lifetime with anybody else.”

* "That's the thing about best friends. That's what they do. They keep you from spinning off the edge.”

* “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

* “You complete me.”

* “You make me want to be better.”

* “You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.”

* "You want the moon? Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. I’ll get you the moon.”

* "I love you. You complete me."

* "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met."

* "I love you without knowing how, why, or even from where."

* "I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."

* "It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you."

* “You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

* "It's like in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together."

* “These two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But—but—when two people know that and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic.”

* “I don't know; I just got a feeling about her. You know when a song comes on and you just gotta dance?”

* “Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.”

* "Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it."

* "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you."

* "What I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are." — Bridget Jones's Diary

* "I knew that when I kissed this girl I would be forever wed to her. So I stopped. I stopped and I waited. I waited for a moment longer. Then I just let myself go." — The Great Gatsby

* "I've come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours." — Sense and Sensibility

* "When I first saw you, I felt like I knew you, and I couldn't stop seeing my life with you, and building a family together. One that isn't stuck in the pain of the past. It's very pretty. And so, if you're asking me if my proposition still stands, then my answer is yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes." — The Light Between Oceans

* "It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together, and I knew it. I knew it the first time I touched her. It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew it. It was like magic." — Sleepless in Seattle

* "If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."

* "For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you."

* "If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you."

* "You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones."

* "You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way."

* "I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you and become yours forever." ― Robert Browning, Pauline: The Fragment of a Confession

* "Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar but never doubt thy love."

* "Love starts as a feeling, But to continue is a choice; And I find myself choosing youMore and more every day."

* "I can conquer the world with one hand, as long as you’re holding the other."

* "When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

* "You don't marry the person you can live with—you marry the person you can't live without."

* "I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow."

* "A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you."

* "My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never."

* "You're something between a dream and a miracle."

* "I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes."

* “When I look at you, I see everything I've ever wanted."

* “You are every lovely word I could think of."

* "Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.”

* "In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."

* "Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches."

* "If I know what love is, it is because of you.”

* "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

* "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage."

* “You know I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. You’re just the most amazing beautiful girl I ever met, and I don’t know, somehow you chose me....but how I loved you then, it’s nothing compared to how I love you now. I love you with everything inside of me.”

* “I don’t care where we are. I just care that we’re together, you’re my home.”

* “And honestly when I’m with her, I completely forget what I am.”

* “If you walk away, it’s for you because I know what I want. I want you (name), I love you.”

* “I’m still mad at you because being around you drives me nuts and not being around you drives me nuts.”

* “I believe that when you love someone and that person loves you in return, you’re uniquely vulnerable. They have a power to hurt you like nothing else.”

* “Anybody capable of love is capable of being saved.”

* “It’s not a crime to love what you cannot explain.”

* “I’m in love with a woman I can never have. The point, I’m in love with her and its driving me crazy. I’m not in control. I have to stay together to protect her and she wants me to be a better person. Which means I can’t be who I am.” Continuing to last sentence “or who I think i am”

* “You were by my side when I needed a friend. You made me laugh. You made me dance. You told me that I would find love again… And, I understand if I have to wait for you, and I will. I’ll wait. And when you’re ready for me, I will be ready for you.”

* “Love’s always going to require a huge leap of faith. A big, scary leap over a hot pit of lava. And, you might end up heartbroken, but you might be the happiest person on the face of the earth.”

* “Through all of this, you’re the one thing that kept me from giving up.”

* “I don’t pretend to be anything when I’m with (gender), that’s the whole point. I get to be myself.”

* “I would rather spend every moment in agony than erase the memory of you.”

* “When it’s real you can’t walk away.”

* “If it’d were my choice I’d be with you forever.”

* “I’d tell you to have hope because sometimes that’s all that keeps me going.”

* "(Gender) was your first love. I intend to be your last. However long it takes."

* "I don't know who I am without you, but I know that as long as I'm with you, time will stand still."

* “I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather burn alive than abandon you.”

* “(Name), to me you’re the whole damn world.”

* “You’re gonna like me, (Name). I’m gonna let you pretend for awhile that you don’t already.”

* “If you lay even a finger on her I swear I will make you suffer in ways even your evil mind can't imagine.”

* “You came back” “I always come back”

* “If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it out loud and you go from there.”

* “You were like coming up for fresh air. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me. That’s all I know.”

* “I love everything about you. Even the things I don’t like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?”

* “She’s my person. If I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She’s my person.”

* “Please don’t give up on me. Promise. Promise me you won’t.”

* “When I had no one else you accepted me....and you showed me what it was like to be loved.”

* “I didn’t fall in love with you because I was lost and lonely. I fell in love with you because when I bonded with you, I had finally found my home where I felt safe.”

* “I’ve realized that I don’t care if (gender) is the most perfect (gender) in the world. (Genders) not you.”

* “Maybe life should be about more then just surviving. Don’t we deserve better then that?”

#happy prompts #love prompts #kinda angsty prompts #prompts #writing ideas #quotes to write

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bylightofdawn · 1 year

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You ever get reminded of a band you haven't listened to in a couple of years and then realize holy shit you used to love this group and immediately go on a binge listen of their whole discography. LOL

I got reminded of Hollywood Undead who I shit you not, fifteen years ago I would have never even clicked on one of their videos because they are rap-rock/nu-metal/industrial something band. They've kinda moved more into the nu-metal and rock over their earlier industrial hip-hop start I'd say. Because I used to be that asshole who was all 'Nah I don't listen to rap' and someone just needs to go back in time and smack me upside the head for letting my preconceptions just write off an entire genre of music.

Cause hip-hop can fucking slap. And I definitely dig the whole rap-rock/nu metal scene. It's interesting to see how my musical tastes have evolved over the years.

Anyway so I've been listening to their New Empire albums today at work and they're not bad, I think i definitely prefer Notes From the Underground and Day of the Dead more. That used to be my go-to I am pissed off and just want to rock out albums. But yeah they apparently have put out three albums in the past like...two odd years. LOL I guess they were working hard during COVID.

I'm about to start Hotel Kalifornia but I'm definitely going to go back and re-listen to Notes from the Underground/Day of the Dead tomorrow at work. I don't think it's gonna happen just because I can't split my attention enough to listen to them in one ear and customer's in another like I can with more laid back lo-fi music which just kinda fades until it's background noise. Pffft.

But yeah, I think I've gotten to an age where I'm willing to just give up all preconceived notions on entertainment and just fuck it, I'll give it a try. I still maintain a lot of modern country can be trash but that might be my inner Texan and having that shit shoved down my throat 24/7 for decades talking. However, even then there are some gems to be found and I still love old outlaw country.

EDIT: Hotel Kalifornia is DEFINITELY a lot better than New Empire Vol 1 & 2. Also? World War Me might be my new Locus theme song.

"I'd rather be dead than some page in some book That burns to the fire 'cause the devil I admire And I wanna watch it burn higher and higher Now I'm the only one that I have left to fear And one of us is gonna die, I'll die right here Let the cowardly speak so the cowardly sleep I am not you, no, you are not me It's an eye for an eye, now no one can see No reflection has meaning, the cracks that I leave Even when I sleep, I die in my dreams Put that noose around my neck, I don't want you to breathe."

That kinda sums up his toxic as fuck relationship with Felix and the identity crisis and all the shit he is going through throughout most of the Chorus Trilogy. Him tying to come to terms with Locus the Solider and Samuel Ortez who he has shoved into the back of the closet and tried to kill off for years and how he kinda reconciles the two parts of himself right before he cuts loose some much-needed dead weight aka gave Felix the boot

"I pray that you stay away You speak with the tongue of a snake Baptized in a shallow lake I hate myself when I see your face"

-coughcoughfelixcoughcough- Also just....that entire stanza. Just....all of it is -chef kiss-

Also ironically, Kill Everyone by Hollywood Undead's Nots from the Underground is one of my Felix theme songs.

youtube

#hollywood undead #el's many and varied tastes in music #no one is allowed to peek at my youtube or spotify history.#red vs blue #red vs blue locus #red vs blue felix #Youtube

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blenderchildren · 7 months

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Stop getting dropped on your head or turn the fuck around fuckwit.

If only you applied your incompatible bullshit to your own band or team.

Maybe you aren't on the right track. Fall in line ignorant dickhead.

You're never on the same page as anyone.

As if it's your will to be a fly in the fycking ointment.

Let me guess, you're mad and sabotaging everything that works right for not worshipping you.

Jealous ex-girlfriend syndrome.

Because I go to everybody that isn't you. So I turn left, and you swerve right in objection or as "punishement" for throwing you into apostasy.

You don't have to be out of your own goddamn alignment ignorant fool.

Why is your world out of balance without leeching off of me?

Do you binge eat when you get mad?

Whatever. I could not give a fuck less. Stay in Poland, dickhead.

What statement about you is that?

Fucking faggot. I don't have to merge with you or align with you.

I'd rather never get laid again and die alone, than "belong" to any of your flock's bullshit.

That's how not worth it you are.

I'm not here to help your bullshit beliefs in magic or ritual symbolism and mentally handicapping superstitions.

If I never see you again, life would be easier. Trying to railroad me or force me to follow your piece of shit ship of fools.

Almost two minutes before midnight. So, no. I'm not going to humor or indulge your bullshit symbolisms.

I'm busy glorifying myself because you never will and never did.

You're busy glorifying everybody else that isn't me, for not glorifying you, faggot.

Are you that desperate to feel like you "belong"?

Trying to force me upstream to swim against the current? Is that reality or more of your philosophical symbolism bullshit? As if the resistance training was supposed to make me goon out to edify your bullshit over my non-symbolism, and non ritual-superstition reality. Too much time spent on trying to remind me of who you are not, requiring me to knock you off your pedestal you put yourself on, ignorant faggot.

Or has your ass fallen from grace, and trying to drag everybody down with you, fucking loser.

Take your "exodus" or pilgrimage and leave without me.

Fucking idiot gets lost on a one way street.

Oh, now you know where you think i might be going. You gonna send some toad to chase after me so you can call yourself important and play "lifeguard", nigger? Posessive piece of shit.

And you're not going to know my plans or activity tomorrow either nigger. You gonna do the peepee dance all day for not knowing what goal post to get in the way of, nigger?

How much of today's hindrances were because I ditched your ass without you knowing where I was going, and you needed to pull your pants up and quit jacking off so you could send out your flying monkeys to keep tabs on me nigger.

Ordering an uber and giving them a destination isn't enough, you need to slow me down even more so your fuckups can get their shit together an try to keep me under your posession.

You think I'm slow? You should see the fags that slow me down because they need to stay ahead of me.

I might not have malicious motives, but you inspire me to them to teach you something about being a faggot control freak.

Witness to a "Marriage" over bong rips in who's light? Not yours faggot. What ego complex?

You can't buy my acceptance or my ignorance to your criminal activity. Everything you see vanishes when your faggot ass isn't trying to carve off some of mine for you to try to turn a profit off me. There are a lot of years where my life isn't wasted on words gor your faggot ass, making problems because you can't make money off me without forcing conflict. I hope you fail on principle. Decades of grief. Eat shit. Pay for it. Nigger. Burn for your Sodom and gemoorah, pillar of salt symbolisms and incest, nigger.

EAt shit "Sinbad."

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famousaft3rdeath · 7 months

Text

another of my dead friends passes through, like a gentle hand grazing tall grasses.

i don't have much more to say about that. it doesn't feel real yet. i know how this goes. i won't be able to feel much until later.

i am fucking miserable. so nothing has changed.

i cut up my arm today rather than my legs. i don't really care who sees at this point. what are they going to do? i'm an adult. i make my own decisions. i am deciding, in sound mind and body (lol), to self-mutilate. it's a constitutional right or something. no one can really do anything. so why not let them see? who cares? i'm running out of space on my legs anyway.

not really, actually. maybe i just want someone to see. that's terrible. i really am doing it for attention. i truly just want someone to know i'm suffering, though. i shouldn't. i should take the high road and try and mask my suffering to the world and only let it out here, but i'm not noble enough for that. when i suffer, i shout it from the rooftops. i make my misery known to all. it's a terrible trait of mine. one of my least favorites. no matter how hard i try, i can't suffer in silence. i must drag everyone else down with me.

add it to the list of reasons i should die, i guess.

i haven't eaten or slept. i don't want to. i told my friends i'm feeling sick and don't feel like eating. not untrue. but they wont believe me for long. not sure what i'll do then. i'm committed to keeping it up this time, though. finally being in control of my weight. being small, thin, fragile. i've never wanted anything for longer than i've wanted to be thin. i just want to be valuable. right now i'm worthless. but if i can be small? then i'd be okay. small in more than one sense. physically, as in weighing an amount that isn't grossly underweight (guys don't like that) but definitely not approaching overweight. small in my personality, though, too. not laughing too loudly. not speaking until spoken to. reserved. beautiful. i've always been too much. i'm sick of it. it will change.

today i ate a salad (lettuce, corn, peas, carrots: absolutely no dressing), a grilled chicken breast, and a hard-boiled egg. i also had a 10 calorie celcius, which technically isn't in my diet, but the caffeine is worth it. i'm limiting myself to 1 per day, 10 calories maximum, and only if i have at least 8 cups of water as well. i think that's fair. they didn't have energy drinks when this diet was invented. probably. it's going fine so far. i'm hungry, but that's to be expected. i ate like a pig before. i'm really hoping to start seeing my body shrink soon. i need to work out more too. that will definitely help. i'll have to have an energy drink beforehand to get me through it, because i wouldn't want to get lightheaded and pass out. that would cause too many problems. can't have that. everything must go according to plan.

this is the first time i've given myself to just think. i've been trying to drown myself in work so that i don't get all sad when i have shit to do. i didn't get much done, ironically. it sucks, existing like this. just to carry on tomorrow. i really don't think i'll be content with anything anymore. that's a topic for a different day.

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bigouncethehobo · 1 year

Text

Howdy. How y'all doin? Thought I forgot about ya, huh? Nah. I wouldn't do that. I'm very forgetful lately but not about this. It feels nice putting stuff here when I need it.

I'll cut to the chase though. It sucks keeping shit bottled in. I have to let it out in controlled bursts, like a pipe full of steam that would blow up if you don't open the valve every once in a while. How do I do that? Well, I would normally do something sexy but that's kind of out of the question. Smoking? Just ran out of smokes. Vaping sure helps and gaming has been a little frustrating recently. The one thing that kept me going sort of ok was work and even that isn't an option. I've come under the impression that I may not be employed anymore. Hell of a cousin I have on that one.

So, here I am, unemployed(?), unable to do anything of the passionate variety, out of smokes, and frustrated with games. What's a man who doesn't know how to handle his feelings to do? Well, I have taken to fantasizing about picking fights with people. Not full on fisticuffs but I've been trying to egg people on to argue. I need an outlet and getting into a heated conversation just seems like the most sane way to do that. Hell, I've come very close to telling some people I hate that I hate them. But I have to play D&D with them and I like our mutual friends so I don't want to get kicked out of the group for being the asshole. I'm kind of running out of ideas here. I kinda hate my life right now. My body is breaking apart. Where I'm not broken I'm just fat. I can't hold a job to save my damn life. I'm the classic high school dropout failure and I kinda don't care and that sucks even more because I want to care. If anyone told me that I'd die in this country that I hate, I'd just say "Figures, with my luck", and keep putting changing my life off for "tomorrow" until the day I die in this country I hate. Living in this house has never brought me any joy. I've never been happy here. I only know that I hate pretty much everything. I'm like the dad on that Netflix show, "The Ranch". A surly, grumpy old bastard who hates everyone and everything. I never sugarcoat things even when it hurts people because it worth lying to someone when the truth is more important. On the other hand, if I go picking a fight with people, I'll quickly find myself out of contact with the only people who keep me sane. I used to love being alone. Nobody to keep track of. Nobody to bring any drama into my life. Nobody I had to care about for any reason. It was the dream. But then I had to make friends, like an idiot, and now I can't live without human connection. I hate it. I really do.

Hell, for weeks I've even been passive-aggressive at my own boyfriend because I don't know how to talk to anyone without being a jackass. Do you know what it's like to be subtle about stuff, then being so subtle that not even you know what you're trying to day half the time? I don't, cause I don't know what I'm trying to say half the time on account if being too subtle.

I'm just an idiot who thinks deserves better but just deserves to be alone and drunk.

I actually bought a bottle of vodka a while back. Still haven't drinked a drop of it. I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic to cope with my lack of emotional availability. On the other hand, it would help people cope with my emotional unavailability. It'd let them blame the alcoholism rather than the fact I've never actually dralt with my emotions other than devising the fool-proof strategy of "Bottle it up until you die or explode. Preferably when you die in an explosion".

Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of loving. Not just in a relationship kind of way either. I wonder if I can truly love a friend or family member. Like, what is that really like? I say that to my friends but I don't know what it means. I just see them as people who haven't realized I'm actually some jackass who's waiting for an opportunity to sabotage himself and leave me to my miserable existence.

I can't make promises of being better the next time I type something up in here. Hell, I don't even know when that will next be. I can tell you that I'll probably still be miserable when I do, though. And yeah, I know how I sound right now with the bitching and the whining. Depression is a hell of a drug. It makes you feel safe and comfortable in the thought that you're a failure so you shouldn't even try. If you don't try, you can't fail. If you can't fail, then you automatically succeed at not failing. That small comfort goes a long way to keep you down in the dirt where you "belong". I'm just tired...

#mental health #mentally exhausted

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the-land-of-eternal-winter-novel · 2 years

Text

Chapter 44 – The True Friend

As they now had the power, Mantas and Sava were celebrating, first within a group, then only them. Mantas poured another glass.

"Here's to the victors!"

"We outsmarted them all!"

"Eh, they weren't bright to begin with, so it's not that much of a brag..."

"It's not everyday you get to conquer an empire, and show your enemies who's really in charge."

"Today the empire, tomorrow another neighbour, then another! Here's to ruling the whole world!"

"Don't get too ahead of yourself."

"I've succeded so much so far. Dream big!" he said as he poured another glass.

"I'm satisfied with the outcome we already have."

"You're boring." he sneered as he lit his pipe. "Do you want a smoke?"

"Uh, I'd rather not... I don't usually smoke..."

"Come on!" he said and gave him the pipe.

He took a whiff, but coughed it out immediately.

"Nasty stuff..."

"That's only tobacco! My late wife used to smoke opium as well. Those were, well... interesting times."

"Don't you intoxicate yourself too much for someone already working with toxic substances?"

"We've already talked about this!" he rolled his eyes. "I'm as healthy as I can possibly be! And don't use the word 'intoxicate', I'm always perfectly lucid."

"So you never even get drunk?"

"No."

"Bravado."

"It's not my fault you don't have enough experience. Never had a group of friends to go for a drink with?"

"No. But even if I did, I'd rather not get drunk." he said, pushing the glass away, already feeling queasy. "What's even the fun in it? You don't get to remember what happens during such a party."

"Yeah, that's the idea... I bet you also have plenty of troubles you'd rather forget."

"I do, and someone's drinking caused them all." he sneered. "I'd say I'm smarter than to try to drown my sorrows as well."

"Ah, I see... Isn't it quite unfair that fathers, who are supposed to protect their families, end up hurting them?"

"Hurt is a huge understatement!..."

"Yeah... some people are just obsessed with control, and the only way they can feel powerful is to attack the defenseless..."

"Exactly! You can't claim to be a victim, that you're drinking to forget, when you victimise others in the process! I'll never tolerate people who claim a tragic past as an excuse for horrible behaviour."

"Neither should you. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I never forgave my parents, either. It doesn't really matter anymore, they've been dead for 26 years already."

"My father died too, eventually. He got a liver diesease, from the drinking, of course. I was in my late teens when it happened. That's when I joined the military academy. It was my ticket out of poverty. This reminds me of what we're fighting for. Am I right, Mantas?"

"Fortunately, we won. Down with the oppressors! Nobody mourns when they finally die!"

"I remember thinking, when my father died, that he had had it coming for the longest time. That monster doesn't deserve the dignity I give him by referring to him as my father!" he suddenly slammed his fist on the table. "But I don't get to choose who my parents were... I often wish I had never been born..."

"Well, look at all we've earned now..."

"It doesn't matter, it took me 42 years to reach some semblance of satisfaction with life, much less happiness! And they were all wasted! A childhood full of violence from my father, a teenagehood full of violence from my classmates, an adulthood full of blind submission, bootlicking, corruption, and yet again violence, this time from the higher ups. And I tried to climb and climb the ranks, but there's always a bigger fish. No matter how powerful or rich or famous you get there's always somebody who has more, and is willing to treat you like trash because of it. It's all abuse, from the top to the bottom! I've never met people who had genuine affection towards their friends, only wolves and foxes of people! Not to mention that there's not a day in my life I don't get nightmarish memories. And the one that I get the most is that dreaded night!..." he was already crying. "My mother was lying dead on the floor, my father was sleeping on the couch right next to her, as if he wasn't the one who did it! I know for sure that he outright killed her! But nobody did anything about it, because nobody cares. They sugar-coat it as 'not having enough evidence', but I tell you, there's no justice in this wretched world!!! And I could also drink to forget it all, but I'll never stoop to the level of that scum. So tell me, what's the point of success, if you can't let go of the past?"

"You're just saying this because you're tired." he patted him on the back. "You should look to the future: great times lie ahead!"

"I suppose... but, in all honesty, all I could ever want is a true friend... I'm tired of all the manipulators and backstabbers..."

"If you're looking for a friend, look right ahead! Haven't we done all of this together? We have similar pasts, and the same goals. Haven't I supported you all of this time?"

"Yeah, you're right... Thank you so much..."

In the meantime, Anatoliy and Kęstas were still spending time together, learning how to perform daily tasks with only one hand. The one Kęstas insisted on the most was trying to learn to write again, and Anatoliy happily obliged to help him do so.

"I never realised how much I was using my right hand before..." said Kęstas, as he watched his failed attempts at writing with his left. "I don't think I know another left-handed person except you. I didn't even know before, as I didn't notice you writing anything until now. I wonder why some people are left-handed when the majority are right-handed..."

"It's the same as with red-headed people, like Akim. If one parent is like that, you may inherit it."

"I was wondering why it's so rare, both being left-handed or red-headed."

"Oh, that I don't know. Somehow I have the impression that, if people learned the science behind such physical traits, they would also find a way to rid all of the odd people."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Don't you see? All legends and fairy tales treat red-headed people as villains or strange people. My aunt, Zoya, told me that in the language of her country, left and crooked are the same word. It's clear that people have a prejudice against 'weird' people."

"Has anybody insulted Akim?"

"No, but we're among family right now. I, on the other hand, have been treated like there's something wrong with me by almost everyone except my family. My first teacher tried to slap my hand until I gave in and tried with my right. Dad did come to my defense, however. But that incident wasn't the first, nor the last. I'd always been called things along the lines of 'crazy'. There were times when I believed it, too. Sometimes I wish I knew for sure what was wrong with my head. Then again, I'm sure that such a science could be abused as well, somehow... Maybe people, upon learning that such 'madness' is inherited much like the 'defect' of left-handedness, they'd make sure those traits never got passed on again."

"Why are you against science? I say progress in this area of life is a good thing. For instance, I'd love it if there were a prosthetic for my arm which could be moved just like a real limb, not just a cosmetic cover."

"I'm not against progress or science! I'm just saying that people have a tendency to use this knowledge for the worse. Just remember the War of the Earthquakes! Instead of inventing something worthwhile, people created weapons who destroyed everything in their wake. That's why all of that knowledge had to be hidden or even destroyed. Now that we started over, we can invent new things, and use them for good. But I sincerely doubt it. Sooner or later, there'll be another war, maybe even more fierce than the War of the Earthquakes!..."

"I don't believe humans can single-handedly destroy the world. And don't be so worried about the end times, nor about the evil in the world. If we were left to our own devices, we'd have annihilated eachother. But you know God doesn't leave evil unpunished in the end, although in the moment it might seem like it."

Anatoliy pondered for a few moments.

"You're right... I should know from first hand experience that when we get impatient for justice, we take it into our hands. If only I realised this earlier... it would've saved everybody so much grief. I never expected to get caught up in a grand conspiracy... Ironic, considering how obsessed I was to learn of such things..."

"Well, there's no way you could've known about what the others were planning behind your back."

"Of course... but I still feel like it's my duty to foil their plans."

"It's our duty." he corrected. "We'll all work to fight those usurpers. Personally, I believe we will win."

"I'm so glad you're able to be so optimistic."

"I'm not naturally so. I had to learn to think like so. Radek played a significant role in shaping this mindset."

"Figures! He's such a pleasant person to be around. It must be good to have such an older brother."

"Do you wish you also had a brother, besides the two sisters?"

"Well, I did have one, but he died as a baby. His name was Ignatiy. I wonder what he could've been like. When I was still burdened by so much guilt, I used to say that the wrong one of us survived. Now I don't know for sure what to say about Ignatiy's possible life. I only know that my own life isn't purposeless as I had thought."

"I've arrived at similar conclusions on my own... I wished I were born somewhere else, in another time for too long, not realising I might've been born in this time and place precisely for times such as these. That's when I took more responsibility. If I had to be a king, thrust into such a war and such confusing plots, then I might as well take my job seriously. Otherwise, I would've been elsewhere, but I'm here."

"And we can't deny that there is a silver lining even in the hardship we've endured. I don't know if I would've discovered the true faith if I hadn't been put past my breaking point. I was always a religious person, but I never really realised I had all of these strict rules, but no love. I used to think in a very black and white manner, so to speak. I still remember how satisfied I felt when I read about various criminals dying. I would've never imagined I could end up the same, and someone would feel the same about me..."

Kęstas appreciated how humble Anatoliy was now, also remembering the ways he had treated him in the past, for comparison.

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you when we met then. I was still enraged, and could only think of revenge. I only now know you were feeling much the same."

"I did have it coming, after all... death is the usual punishment for murder..." he whispered, then switched topics. "...but of course I forgive you. It's my sincere hope that we reconcile."

"I will forgive you, I promise."

Anatoliy was confused by his use of the future tense, wondering what else he might've meant.

"I wonder, sometimes, would we have been friends if we had lived in a different time and place?" asked Kęstas.

"Certainly. And not only because we're brothers-in-law, but also because we already have much in common. But you've got less of an odd mind."

"You're not that bad, either. There were times I would've called you mad, too, but in daily conversation you're quite agreeable. Except, of course, the weird parralles and conclusions you draw. I don't know how you come up with this stuff. Nonetheless, that doesn't even matter. One could have blue skin or feathers, all that's important is one's character. And you really changed a lot, in a good way. I'd never have expected you to be so friendly and helpful. And thank you so much for teaching me to use my left hand, by the way!"

"You're welcome. I'm glad I was able to help you in any way."

Kęstas put his hand on his shoulder and patted him on the back. During the day, he couldn't help but ponder. He thought that his father, given how he had raised him, would've been happy to know he was able to make a friend of his enemy.

#the land of eternal winter #my novel #draft 1 #chapter 44

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five-20-five · 2 years

Text

Plagiarism

TL by Night Deer TL and EJ TL except *

Burglar

I'm jealous of them all, right down to the very core

I want to satisfy this heart entirely

My jealous mind is always clicking its tongue

I'm jealous of every part of you

The deepest depths of my wretched heart are always aching

I want to see only pointless things / And I want all of the night to myself

I just can't get rid of this sadness, so I want to turn it into a song

I'll make this thirst into excuses

There's the nightscape, the light coming from a diamond, / and then there's me, looking down on the residential area with a smile

That kind of life is certainly wonderful / Well then, how much is happiness?

I want to forget, but my heart is aching

I merely have nothing, so in turn, I'm filled with desire

And I want all of you to myself

Prostitution

If you sleep, things will work out one way or another

What's wrong? Why're you making that face? / There's really nothing to worry about, y'know

I'm pointlessly waiting for love in front of a station / Cuz' I have nothing else to do, anyway

I want someone to teach me the value of insincerity

Don't say a word! Please forget about things like love

Teach me about even painful things, no matter what they are

If you don't mind a mayfly of such kind, then it's better to just forget

I don't really have the capacity to listen to only pointless things all the time / I don't wanna say it

It's okay, no matter how much you confess / Words will never be enough, anyway

What's wrong? Do you understand / This sorrow?

I want someone to teach me regret

Sing for me about a miserable love that won't go anywhere and nothing else

"For the end, a kiss would do."--I'd prefer if that remains unsaid

I can't forget about even pointless things / I don't wanna know

if that one hesitation is "love," then I'd rather not know about it

More, let me hear about even pointless things / I want to be loved

Replicant

I wish the world would become a decent place to live

A world where people's lifespan could be prolonged enough that they won't die would be nice / And when that happens, everything other than the heart / Or words would be fake

Because even gods would be words someone made / And we're all replicas

I was always watching a movie / One that's so shallow it's unbearably boring to watch

We've become adults, / And the things we can get hold of got bigger

Wouldn't it be nice if we could buy even love next?

Your values, / And even memories, are fake / Because the mind is just some signals running around the brain

Someday seasons will have passed me by, / And only my memories will have grown stronger

There's no reason to sing songs, / But I don't mind doing it as long as I can be satisfied

I can't live for the sake of others / Things other than goodbye are just some trash

I want to write songs that inflict curses on others / I'd be pleased if they could kill someone

Everything other than our hearts / Or words is fake / Because everything about this world is subjective

And everyone is a replica, including you

When that time comes, I'll finally understand, / Even I will understand that blue

Flower and Badger Game

And I woke up in an empty room / With just the warmth you left behind

I don't remember about last night at all, / But I just have a feeling that somebody else was there

But even if I don't find out, well, that's still beautiful in its own way

I can smell flower from the pillow

I was thinking about it after my hangover went away, / but it's okay not to find out / Rather, it's better not to

No one's coming still as the sun sets / And shines through the window into this lonely room / You left me behind while I didn't know anything

The truth is, I remember a bit about last night / I also remember that the life without you will continue

Even now, there's one thing that I'm always thinking about

I'm sure you'll come back tomorrow / You'll come back home with a nonchalant look on your face

Soon, the door will open and I'll hear you say / "Sorry I'm late" / I've always been waiting for only those words

Like a fool, love made me hold a flower

Once again, spring came to greet this room

Plagiarism

What was it that got me into music, again? / Listening feels good. / Just listening doesn't require any effort, after all.

Perhaps, this hole could be filled up if this song were to become mine / And so I stole

Ah, it's still not enough. Nothing's enough / I'm not satisfied at all

I want to learn more. I want to learn of love / And of something so beautiful it'll sate my heart

That guy is an idiot. This guy is an idiot, too. / Everyone who showers them with praises is an idiot as well

I can't be satisfied just with superficial words

I want to learn of something so beautiful it'll sate my jealousy

What was it that got me into music? / I've forgotten already, but I remember that it wasn't greed.

This mask I put on will come off one day

I lost everything--status, love, it's all gone. / I think the night after everything's gone will be really beautiful

I won't be satisfied with this kind of song / Or the harsh words you lot spit out

It's still not enough. I'm not enough / I don't know what's always been missing

I want to learn of a night so beautiful it'll melt my body away

Thoughtcrime

There's no way you'd understand this heart of mine, since you're kind to others

I enjoy putting a curse on people, that's why I write songs

The sound of a glass being pounded at, the act of ripping apart some kind of paper, the setting sun after a farewell--They're all beautiful / Even you should understand that, no?

Even this loneliness is turning into sounds

You're standing on tiptoes; the clouds glow red, and the word "goodbye" slipped right off my tongue

Even if I don't do anything, make them come true! Quick, satisfy me!

As if this world would understand this jealousy--it's only kind to people other than me, after all / I'm always looking for an opportunity to hit someone

Even I understand that, and yet... / I'm struck my a flurry of words

The winter sneaks in while I'm still holding the autumn dear in my heart, / One more smoke appears from behind the mountain in spring, / And the summer breeze gently strokes my cheeks

I don't want to die but I can't properly live either, that's why I write songs

I think vilification, disappointment, and disgust all have their eyes on me

Thus I write songs that hurt others / And songs that have no substance, like this song

I want to gulp down your words / I don't even have anything I can use to put it in, so I'm using my two hands

I'm begging this loneliness of mine to just turn into songs right now

Night Journey

Say, if the night comes like this, what would become of us?

Let's ride the train. As for me, I think I'm fine going anywhere

I see, if you're going to that town nearby then I'll join you

The song you wrote and anemone flowers are fluttering, fluttering about gently on a sunny field / I don't need anything else

In the twilight, twilight, twilight of a wavy summer field, your crying won't stop, accompanied by the evening cicada's laughter

Summer is coming to an end / So that's how it's going to be, huh...

Say, when we become adults one day, what would become of us?

You'd probably forget about it eventually, but only memories speak the truth

I see, let's meet again in the future, walking side by side

In the twilight of a summer field, looking like it's about to rain, you're standing and crying, with your hair swaying int he wind

Summer is coming to an end / And I'll remain here-- / While you'll keep going far away, to the other side

Ghost in a Flower

By now you've probably forgotten how we laughed that, since this world is full of lies, / We'd go search together, the two of us, for something of true value

I hope you don't forget, I hope it doesn't fade

I hope that things that keep their physical form aren't everything

I'm drawing what was reflected in my eyes, a ghost of summer

By now you've probably forgotten / When we sat in the shade of the trees in summer; clouds were peeking from behind the distant hill, weren't they? / You tried to grab them, your hand closing on empty air.

Now, having lost my face / And forgotten all the words we said, / You're laughing

Tell me more about what's in your heart / Tell me about the scent of summer

Tell me more / Tell me goodbye

I'm looking even now / At a ghost in a flower that blooms in summer / At a time without words / At a heart without time

Escape* someanimeguy

Until the night draws near, let's walk some more / To a night festival in the neighboring town

I walked with my head turned upward, flowers were blooming in the night sky

The scenery in my memories is absurdly beautiful, so

Come, let's go further / Come, let's run away from here / Come, let us ignore all the unimportant things / To the other side of the road

In a town with not a single person in it, I finally notice / That you're not there either

Even after growing up I will always remember these things / So, hey, let's go far away from here, beyond that hill

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