Depressing seeing blogs who claim to be 'all about loving trans people!' and 'omg totally t4t' etc reblogging and making memes claiming yet again that believing that the intersectionality of being a man and trans (or masc and trans) causes unique forms of bigotry to emerge targeted at both those things - is inherently transmisogynistic and ofc indicates that the person loves to harass and bully trans women and blame them for everything.

Instead of, you know, it being coincidental that some of the people who talk about their own oppression with their own word which just happens to be controversial (because some trans feminine and even trans masculine people have a bee in their bonnets due to critically misunderstanding the way the world works) happen to be shitty people.

Maybe it shouldn't be if everyone grew up a bit and learnt that the world is more complex than they think and nothing is black and white.

(also tagging it as transandrophobia to make sure we see how much you hate us is cruel and unusual btw)

hi o/ jus wana start by saying dis is jus semi incoherent rambling of a sleeby oupy who didnt get to eat 5 borgars for dinner.

i find the anti endo point of “just doing it for attention” so weird

for one its really disconected from real life, like, attention is a basic need fir our body, its why solutary confinment is such good tourture. its like saying “theyre just doing it to get food” :l dumb argument, evyone needs and withholding food because someones starving is an evil thing to do, an so is ignoring someone who’s in need of social interaction.

and two, its blatantly wrong. like, we’ve told 0 people irl about being a system, we’ve only told like, 3 online friends, and we never talk about system stuff with them still cuz we’re scared of loosing those friends for being too weird. we pretty much never post about it on our blog an besides the blog description no one wud probably ever know. the one time someone guessed we’re a system in a discord servr i had a full anxiety attack an avoided any interaction for 2 weeks even tho they were accepting, an then when we finaly went back to talking there i made sure we had any trace of system stuff wiped from the servr profile an deleted the messages that made them ask and only just showed that all again after 2 months of keeping everything hidden. we’re terrified of people we know knowing we’re a system or getting attention cuz of tgat.

tho we’re definitly on the extreme end for that (mostly me tbh… the social isolation and abandonment issues exo-memories and the body’s trauma from similar irl stuff deff made me super scared about this) but its a pretty similar experience for a lot of systems from wut ive seen where telling ppl is pretty much an act of compleat trust an usualy very anxiety inducing.

besides, if someone really wus just after attention, they could just post a incorrect fact online or a really dumb take. thats much easier an will get a lot more attention than faking being a system ever could. like, saying something like “reading is bourgeoisie” on a semi popular post will be a thousand times better at getting u attention than being a system ever could.

theres so much more i wana say about this, like the ableism inherent to that argument point, or the way its linked to child abuse, but phone keyboard is stupid and terrible and im too hungy to think well enough to write out those points properly an do them justice.

anyways, i hope u have a great day/night depending on when u read this.

Right! And if they're claiming people are wanting positive attention, I don't see that as being that hard either.

Like, if someone wants to talk to people on the internet about stuff, there are spaces out there for literally anything and anyone. You're not going to get more attention for being a system than you would for being outspoken in a fandom or a religion or any other social group you're a part of.

People who want attention... don't need to pretend to have people in their head to get it. And the attention you would get for that is often going to be negative because a lot of people are sanist and pluralphobic. But as you mention, it's not even the best way to get negative attention when there are so many actual troll-y things you can do.

You can find hundreds of communities online with people who will support you and give you attention for your takes on various topics! Or you can find hundreds more who will hate you if you push the right buttons!

There's just... no logical reason to fake being plural for attention.

And isn't this, again, the very same claims that have always been made against the LGBTQ community?

It's actually kind of funny how that happens, isn't it?

The people who are getting attention are generally the ones who most conform to society. It's not plural or trans people. It's the ones who do their best to fit in and be like everyone else in their group. Meanwhile, people who have identities that diverge from the norm are often left outcasts and shunned by peers.

And yet it's the latter group that's accused of attention seeking?

It makes no sense. 🤷‍♀️

Happy gay month! Drop all of your lgbtq soul eater headcanons

[answering this ooc so we can get into details >:) sorry (or not?) for how dang long this got. please enjoy...

maka!!

-girl! trans! demigirl in a "all girl but Girl is so much bigger than cis people think it is" kind of a way.

-bi! uses it interchangeably w/ pan but tends towards bi as a descriptor. being a girl is a big part of her attraction. iykyk

-recognizes when she likes someone very quickly which makes her an absolute outlier in this group. love that for her. everyone clap

-now being vulnerable by admitting to those feelings to others...a little more complex! i am rooting for her

soul

-boy! also trans! my guy my dude my man. this guy can fit so much t swag in him.

-bi! loves women as a man but queerly and bonds with kilik about this. important note.

-even worse than maka at feelings which is saying something

-doesn’t bind generally. too uncomfortable and his back is already messed up due to the *gestures at so many things about this guy* so yeah. his presentation is v influenced by his sensory needs.

-his name stuff is very important to him as evidenced by him canonically owning multiple clothing items with his name on it. every time i have to type out soul eater evans i am physically pained by this but there’s no good solution. soul eater my friend soul eater

kid

-nonbinary. trans. gender is symmetry. you know!!

-made a comic about this a bit ago

-”’boy”’’ terms are fine w/ him. gets a little >_> (positive) when people mix in they/thems for him with his he/hims. beloved he/they boything

-very new to thinking about all this but he has already figured a lot out gender with support from his friends!!! proud of him

-attraction/sexuality...less so! knows he’s not straight but is not really able to think about himself in the context of attraction at the moment. he will get there when he gets there...

liz!

-girl! she is the only cis person in the crew, lol.

-she is lovingly referred to as "our liz cizbian, our ciz lizbian" etc by many of them

-lesbian as aforementioned. an absolute wreck. tries her best to play it off but so very nervous about acting on stuff.

-advice giver despite this lmao. good at picking up on other people's stuff if it doesn't involve her

pattyyy

-girl :3 transgender :3 she is having a great time. gender stuff was unfortunately part of her and liz’ reasons for leaving home

-thinks its hilarious to vary the sizes of her breast forms and she’s right. she’s very powerful and does whatever she wants. trans joy is real and patty is proof

-assigning words to her attraction/sexuality simply not on her radar at this point in her life.

-she’s also like . why is everyone so pent up about this just kiss the people you want... i will do it since you are so fucking complicated

black*star

-trans boyyy... gender is being THE BIGGEST and being THE GREAT BLACK*STAR

-he knew EXTREMELY early. like basically never got why people were calling him a girl early

-sid and everyone else around him were super supportive! he basically never had to transition socially, it was p immediate

-gay!! attraction and “fun” dating easy and great, Big Feelings/Romance are...much more difficult! he is simply bouncing around like an electron can’t catch me vulnerable thoughts and feelings!

tsubaki!

-trans girl! was also very supported by her family and has had a relativeley smooth time of gender. want an easy one for her lol

-pan! also uses bi but prefers pan. truly like “the future is open who knows :)”

-sees herself like...idk how to phrase this but her self view is very utilitarian mostly? like her function and her abilities rather than Her as a person if that makes sense.

-so it’s a nice like...genuine expression of self care for her to have been able to express these aspects of herself. tsubaki..

crona my beloved

-nonbinary of all time. they/them so much. just so not in the binary. we love to see it. did not have the language for it (or most things) growing up but always knew on some level they weren’t a boy or a girl.

-re crona gender medusa was along the lines of ‘as long as you serve your function, whatever’ which is shitty in its own special way but at least. you know.

-as far as attraction/sexuality...oh crona. does not know what a crush is. woefully out of their depth in terms of being able to conceptualize themself as someone capable of being loved or loving others at this point in their life. and yet! both of these are possible. and in fact. happening right now... bless them. it’s hard. they will get there..

THANK YOU AND CONGRATS IF YOU READ THIS FAR LMAO

happy pride everyone!!!!!]

Transformations and Ourselves

I've been thinking a LOT on transformations lately. I've been thinking specifically about transformation of ourselves. How it's never easy, always painful, always a sequence of destruction and creation, and how that transitional state always fills us with so much doubt, self-hatred, leaves us feeling inchoate and incomplete.

And I've already gone through this process a number of times. I remember the end of high school, feeling like every day I was reaching for a version of myself that I could visualize in my mind, but couldn't actually touch with my own fingers. I didn't care about being popular. I wanted to be smarter, better, and most of all, I wanted to create BEAUTIFUL things. There was all this stuff inside me that I wanted to share with the world. "Hey, I'm more than what you see. It's good. I promise. You may have to wait a bit, but really. I'm about to become something good and wonderful." And eventually, I went to college, accomplished my goals. Proved something, or so I thought. Became something, so I thought. Transformed, so I thought.

Then it happened again. A few years into my first full time job, which had originally been my dream job. I felt taken for granted by my company and by one of my social groups. Again, I felt I was capable of a lot more than they thought. I was more than how they saw me. That I had more value and more worth. In the end, I changed industries, left the group. I did remake myself. I did manage to prove my worth.

And now, well recently I've arrived at another one of those times. I'm now realizing that this is perhaps something we'll have to continually go through all our lives, which sucks, because every time I'm faced with being on this precipice I feel like a quivering, frightened high schooler again. But now, at least I have more perspective.

This transformation of myself that I have to undergo. Everyone can see what I am now, but they can't see what I see in my own head. They can't see what I know I can become. What I am positive I can become with enough time and nurturing. That's where faith comes in. If you're lucky enough to have people in your life with faith in you, they'll support you through this. They'll trust you through that transformation, help carry you through your own doubts. Because if we don't get that support, some of us may never be able to complete that transformation.

Maybe it's fitting that my contemplation of this is culminating during Pride Month. I've been lucky to follow and interact with a lot more brothers and sisters of the trans community over tumblr in the two years. I think this meditation on transformations has helped me better understand what trans folks are going through, especially those who are transitioning. I am in no way saying that my pain is comparable or equivalent to their struggle. It's not even the same order of magnitude. Merely saying that, wow, every day you are struggling through a transformation. Every day you are participating in a process of destruction and creation of yourself, where you are abandoning the safety of how the world has seen and known and accepted you and forging a path towards something you know you can be. Towards someone that you know you have always been, even if no one else can see it yet.

You're saying to the world You don't know who I am. How could you possibly? I know who I am, and I will show you. I am working on it, but I will show you, and you will be so amazed.

So while I'm not a member of the LGBTQ+ community (though I flirted with asexuality for a while, which was the only thing I flirted with during that stage of my life), I see very keenly now the thread of transformation in their struggle. And I'm on board. I'm here to witness your transformations. To have faith that you can become who you know you can be.

So for all those in the middle of a transformation right now, God speed on your journey. I wish you safe travels. I hope you have the faith of those who can help you through this journey. I hope you stay strong, optimistic and hydrated. I hope to see you on the other side, where we are all shiny, good, wonderful, full-realized, and resplendent in our true selves.

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

I love your dragon au, may I have some headcanons?

Uh sure! You weren’t ship specific so i’ll try and be a lil broad and touch on a few for all of em! (Theyre all interconnected in a way but often spend much of their time together apart from the others bc thats how dragons be, even if these dragons are much more social than the average dragon)

Demus- Dragon Remus x Prince(ess) Janus

- Janus is ftm trans! His parents were never supportive and actively tried to hide that from that kingdom at every turn, so, he may have secretly gotten a certain mage’s help “cursing” him with snake/dragon scales & additional certain masculine attributes so that he’d be sent away and get time to live his life without royal duties breathing down his neck. Even if he’d have to live the rest of his life as a prince locked away in a tower.

-Remus is a Dragon that’s known to be very curious, driven to hoard things that intruige him. He lives in a castle he and his brother Roman overtook years ago, and they guard it and their hoards within it well. However, one day a nearby kingdom reached out to them with an offer: if they guard and protect Prince Janus while the kingdom scrambles to figure out what to do, the dragons will recieve offerings to add to their hoards along with provided meals and the means to provide for Janus. All the kingdom requests is to keep Janus safe and happy.

-and of course, they agree to. And Remus falls head over tail inlove in a matter of days. Janus follows soon after he finds that Remus is completely unbothered and supportive of Janus’s transition.

-Janus and Roman also get along super well, tho not in a romantic sense, especially after Roman learns of Janus’s love for plays and acting skills. Roman also gifts a few intricate outfits to Janus from his Hoard of beauty and passion bc they fit the short prince quite well, and because Janus wasn’t given anything to wear from his kingdom aside from tailored princess dresses(which he doesn’t usually mind the skirts portions now w/ his new body but somedays the disphoria would spike back out if he looked in the mirror while wearing one). Roman also helped cut Janus’s hair, and both dragons would growl threateningly at any kingdom official who dared look at Janus’s attire change questioningly. If anyone asked, it was because it made Janus happy and feel safe, and that was their job, was it not?

-Janus loves his new Dragon Boyfriend and his new Dragon brother-in-law(technically?) and this result just solidifies his confidence in the decision he made to get here. Roman and Remus know about the secret behind the curse and what Janus did to get here, they think he’s super fcking clever bc of it. And, Ro and Re swear on their hoards that they’ll never spill the secret if Dee doesn’t want them to, one because the Kingdom would then have a lead on trying to Reverse the Curse, and two, because it would put the life of the mage who was asked to do it in danger, and three, because their dragons and dragons are very very good at protecting what they love.

Logince- Dragon Roman x Knight Logan

-Logan is a prince to a neighboring kingdom, and he was betrothed to Janus in an arranged marraige sort of settup. Niether of them loved the other like that, but they were best friends and Logan respected(and defended) Janus being trans. So when he finds out something happened to Janus, he’s alarmed and upset that he wasn’t informed sooner. Then he finds out Janus is being guarded by dragons, of all things! And well, he needs to make sure Janus us safe, and find out whats wrong, what happened? And no one stops him from traveling out to the castle that houses the dragons to find out. The least he can do is make sure Janus is okay and respected by the dragons, but like hell is he going to wait for Janus’s scrabling kingdom to catch up.

The first thing he’s greeted by is a tall red scaled dragon, and he’s immediately on guard. The dragon grins and drops into a defense position. They don’t ask the other questions, which Janus will give both of them shit for later, but both parties are fueled by challenge and protective goals. And they launch into battle without a word.

-Roman is immediately intruiged and excited to find how Logan matches him in a fight, actually standing a pretty solid chance despite his weight and height. Logan is a skilled swords man, the best in his kingdom, its a shame his only downfall is that Roman has twice the height on him and more than twice the muscles, figuratively and literally. But even then Logan isn’t deterred and is capable of flipping the dragon onto his back which is p hot roman cant lie, so its a p even scuffle bc Romans highly entertained w/ this mysterious attacker.

-they kinda get caught up in the scuffle for a good while till Remus comes out to investigate and Logan disengages and dashes into the forest bc he’s smart enough to know he can’t really win the fight w/ one dragon, two is a death sentence.

-roman spends the whole night heated and excited as he rambles about the gorgeous short knight who nearly kicked his ass. Logan spends the whole night rethinking his strategy and trying not to get distracted by the memory of the infuriatingly hot smirk the dragon kept aiming at him.

-they scuffle twice more, filled with witty remarks and snarky quips that progressively get more flirty before they think to speak about /why/ Logan wants into the castle b4 the truth comes out.

-both are a little sheepish when Janus finds out just who Roman’s been waxing poetic about kicking his butt in an even match and spend a good 20 minutes scolding their gay af selves. Then Logan gets updated on the whole situation, including his not so subtle transition and his new dragon bf. Logan gets the dragon’s permission to visit so long as he keeps things a secret, and he scoffs that they’d think he’d even dare to try to ruin his best friends happiness.

-niether of them really knows when their little rivalry picked back up, but Roman and Logan spend their time together bickering and taunting eachother while playing a semi-unbalanced game of cat and mouse. Logan’s not allowed into the castle w/o playing their game first, and he honestly doesn’t mind. Their interactions get way more flirty and theyre just gay disasters that take way to long to admit their developing feelings till it all kinda rushes out the moment Roman pins Logan to a wall and Logan reaponds by locking his legs around the other, daring to keep him there.

-yeah they express their feelings to eachother in many ways that day. And Logan ends up secretly(to his kingdom at least) dating Roman, and Roman gets a prince bf of his own. They still taunt and play their game of cat and mouse tho, now its just accompanied by a ton more kissing.

Moxiety- Dragon Patton x Mage Virgil

-Virgil is the mage that helped Janus transition in secret, they’d been friends for a long while and meeting in secret to plan it. Virgil’s a pretty powerful mage and talented at what he does, and Janus’s trasition was a spell he cast himself, and its irreversable(on purpose, by Janus’s request/demand)

-Virgil travels alot now adays, never staying in one public place too long in fear of Janus’s knights suspecting him and capturing him. He knew the risk and was willing to pay the price to make Janus happy. He knows he must lay low for a while, and hes not very open about being a mage in fear of that being found out.

-well, one day he finds himself in a town not so open to the idea of magic in general. Its one slip up hes not sure he regrets to heal an injured child, but he finds him self tied to a wooden stake that same day, surrounded by a village chanting about how all magic is evil.

-and then a dragon swoops over and snags him from the fire as it ignites, just barely sinking his clothing before hes up in the sky. He promply blacks out from shock.

-and when he wakes up, he finds himself tucked carefully into a hammock with a soft blanket. The room he’s in is filled with an interesting assortment of things, haphazardly placed enough to register as a hoard than any other kind of room in this tower. That and the dragon that rescued him is resting nearby, his blue scaled wing outstretched and draped over Virgil protectively is kind of a dead giveaway too.

-Virgil would learn later that Patton had been following him, lead by how his hoarding instincts weirdly worked. He’d be thankful then, that they saved his life, despite the fact that he now technically counted to Patton’s instincts as part of his hoard. Patton was adamant that he’d been trying to rid himself of the attachment before, but once Virgil was in danger his insticts had been set aside to save the poor human. He couldn’t help that touching Virgil just solidified his instincts’s claim.

-Patton lets Virgil know he’s welcomed to leave any time he wants to, that they were safely away from the dangerous village now. Virgil finds he doesn’t want to leave just yet, and they settle on becoming friends.

-Patton is friends with Roman and Remus, and often visits them when he’s feeling too lonely. He’s plenty friendly with Janus and Logan at this point, being a much softer natured dragon than the twin dragons.

-the group finds it very, very coincidental and very ironic the first time Patton brings Virgil with him to hang out.

-their love story is a bit slower, but lets just say one day months down the line, Virgil pulls Patton into a really shy kiss and Patton all but startles Virgil with the happy purr that bursts from the back of his throat. Its not to much longer after that that theyre relationship is fully established.

A brief history of Unitarian Universalism (casual, with swears, have not fact checked as such but I think it’s correct): In New England back before US independence, there was Calvinism -- you know, that predestination thing, you’re already going to go to heaven or hell, but you should be good anyways so people will think you’re going to heaven, or something like that. Then there wasn’t. Then there was Congregationalism. Which was a lot more chill, but still very “fuck Catholicism”. And around this time, deism was on the rise: the idea that maybe God created the universe, then fucked off, and hasn’t been actively involved with anything since. Then, some people who were actually reading the Bible, because you can’t look down on Catholicism unless you actually read the Bible, were like... wait, maybe Jesus isn’t all that. You know -- the Savior, the Son of God, one third of the Trinity, all that. Maybe he was just, like... a prophet, or some guy who said some interesting things. A teacher. And other congregationalists were like: uh, what, no, Jesus has to be all that. If you don’t think Jesus is all that, how can you even call yourself a Christian? And they decided they couldn’t really be around each other any more. So the first group, which was mostly in Boston, started calling themselves Unitarians (because they rejected the doctrine of the Trinity and instead believed in a one part God), and incidentally at some point also stopped calling themselves Christians because the other guys had a point, and the others called themselves the United Church of Christ (UCC.) Emerson and Thorough -- sorry, Thoreau -- were both Unitarians, as were John Adams, John Quincy Adams, and pretty much everyone else from Boston in early US history. (We like to claim Jefferson, because his beliefs were kindasorta similar to Unitarian beliefs at the time, but as I understand it he was never actually part of a Unitarian congregation.) (Btw: if you’re lgbtq+ and Christian, they’re a pretty friendly denomination. If you’re lgbtq+ and Christian and you think the UCC is too liberal (in the religious sense) or you want a majority-lgbtq+ congregation, consider MCC, which is otherwise unconnected to all this. If you’re not Christian and are lgbtq+ -- atheist/agnostic, or maybe something else if you’re down with worshipping with people that aren’t specifically your thing -- Unitarian Universalism tends to be pretty good. As in: we have a bunch of gay/lesbian ministers and other religious leaders, and a few transgender ones. (Knowledge of less mainstream lgbtq+ identities can vary a lot between congregations and generations -- the younger generations tend to be more aware than the gen x’ers.) I’ve been involved with Church of the Larger Fellowship for most of the past year, which did zoom worship before it got cool and serves people around the world, and people like me who live a mile from a UU brick and mortar congregation but still can’t get their disabled ass over there anyways. Anyways, CLF has more POC on the worship team than most UU congregations (the denomination does tend to run pretty white), is very social justice oriented even by UU standards, and is somewhat more cool about general weirdness than most congregations, which again for UU congregations is saying something.) Then, at some point (sadly, I’m significantly more familiar with the history of the first U than the second) there was this other protestant denomination in the South (as in, the US South) where people decided that God was too nice to send people to hell for all eternity, so they started calling themselves the Universalists, as in Universal Salvation. All dogs go to heaven. Well, time passed, each denomination evolved in its own way. (In particular, Unitarianism caught humanism pretty hard -- the joke was the Unitarians believe in one God at most.) In the -- ok, I’ll look this one up -- in 1961, there was a big old merger, creating Unitarian Universalism, and in the process, everyone got together and was all...wait, so what are our official beliefs about God and stuff? Should we even have official beliefs about God? Maybe we can unify around some ideas around how people should treat each other instead. So they did: they drafted a set of Principles (broad-strokes guidelines on how people should act -- peace is good, truth is good, people have value, stuff like that) and a set of Sources (where UU’s get their ideas about God and morality and so on from, starting with direct experience) and left everything else up to the individual. And then a little while later, the tree-huggers got a seventh Principle and a sixth Source added in -- respect for the environment and Earth-centered religions, respectively -- so now the joke is that UU’s believe in one God, more or less. Currently there’s a movement on to add an 8th Principal that explicitly names racial equality and fighting oppression as something we value, since while the current Principles mention justice and equality, they don’t specifically name race, and the people of color who have stuck with the predominantly white denomination figure Unitarian Universalism can and should be doing better on that front. Unitarian Universalism runs religiously liberal (ie, decentralized, individualistic, non-authoritarian, non-dogmatic, inclined to believe science over the Bible) and politically progressive. Unitarian Universalist congregations tend to be very politically active and concerned with social justice, mostly in a well-educated middle class kind of way: committees, Robert’s Rules of Order, donating to non-profits, Get Out the Vote, inviting in speakers and asking “questions” that aren’t really questions, forming partnerships with other congregations and community organizations, etc. Many UU congregations have put a Black Lives Matter sign out (and when necessary keep putting it out when it gets torn down or vandalized), shown up for the protests, opposed the weird immigration BS that’s been going on in the US recently, etc. In addition to more charity style work, like food pantries and homeless shelters.

Point is: yeah it’s got flaws (don’t even get me started on Unitarian Universalism’s flaws) but if you’re a social justice person and want to meet other social justice people who are doing things, Unitarian Universalism can be a good place to look for that. You get more done in groups.

You’re less likely to burn out, too. With marginalization, it’s complicated, right? Again, for LGBTQ+ people, it’s going to be better than most religious organizations. For people a little bit on the autism spectrum, you probably won’t be the only one. (If you’re unmistakeably autistic, people might be weird/ableist; it might depend on the congregation.) If you’re from a working class background or are currently kinda broke, you might run into some frustrations or feel like you don’t fit in; if you’re a poc or if you’re disabled (or your kid is) or you want a lot of personal support, you might struggle more -- this really might vary a lot, but at least the congregations I’m used to tend to assume congregants can mostly stand on their own feet, metaphorically speaking, and have some extra time/money/skills/whatever that can be directed out into the wider world. It can be a good place for pagans and Buddhists and other people who don’t want a church but are having trouble finding a church-like religious community where you can hang out with people on the same spiritual path. (Uh, for a while UU congregations were emphatically not churches and some officially still aren’t; others gave up and were all “eh, it looks like a church, whatever, we’re just a weird church.) Some congregations are more atheist-dominated than others -- many avoid Jesus language most of the time, some avoid God language most of the time (UU’s who believe in God tend to believe in God in a relatively abstract/metaphorical way), some I hear are pagan-heavy, others do use Christian language a lot more. In all honesty you don’t have to go to Sunday worship if you don’t want to, and really a lot of UU’s don’t; if you want to be heavily involved in the congregation but don’t want to go to Sunday worship and don’t want to deal with pressure to, one way out is to teach RE (religious education -- basically “Sunday school”) the RE curricula are amazing, just absolutely astounding, and if you’re teaching it you get a ton of leeway with adjusting anything you don’t like. (Which could happen -- a lot of this stuff was developed before the idea that cultural appropriation is a big problem became mainstream in social justice circles.) What adult worship is like has basically zero correlation (perhaps negative correlation) to what RE is like. (Which sucks for young adults coming of age in a UU congregation, like I said don’t get me started on UU’s flaws.) Finally: for people who care about sex positivity and sex ed, Unitarian Universalists (in partnership with UCC) developed Our Whole Lives, a sex ed curriculum that, well, it’s not abstinence based education. You wouldn’t expect sex ed coming from a religious org to be better than the sex ed in schools, would you? And yet. Comprehensive sex ed that acknowledges gay bi and trans people and that disabled people have sex too and teaches about birth control and masturbation and abuse and consent and boundaries and bullying and internet safety and abortion. It’s good stuff. The course aimed at teens is most popular of course, but there’s actually (age-appropriate) OWL curricula for all stages of life: young kids, adults, older adults, everyone. And it’s versatile enough to be taught in secular contexts (after school programs etc). Given the direction that unfortunately a lot of school districts in the US have been going in in terms of sex ed, it’s a really important program.

Hi I read in the faq your answer to someone about top surgery for fat ppl and I just want to ask for a bit more info... do you think i should wait until I lose weight first? Like I’m worried that even if I get surgery... I’m still going to be fat and then I’ll just have breasts still? Thank u! Sorry if this is a dumb question!

Lee says:

As long as you don’t have any serious health complications because of your weight, you can get top surgery.

Fat folk are probably going to have to get double incision top surgery, since their chest would be too large for a keyhole or periareolar, but they can get just as flat as anyone else with double incision.

It’s more likely you’ll get “dog ears” at the end of your scars towards your armpits, but that can be dealt with by getting a revision which is often free. Make sure you ask your top surgeon what their policy on revisions are, and what fees you’d have to pay if you needed one.

There can be some fatphobia when you’re looking for a top surgeon- there can be some increased risks for overweight people going under anesthesia, and some top surgeons use that as an excuse to turn down a patient even when it is possible for them to get surgery safely.

You may have to “surgeon shop” a bit to find a surgeon who is competent, capable and willing, but it’s possible and achievable! I have two fat trans guy friends who got top surgery in the past year, and they’re totally happy with their results.

Cancer-related mastectomies remove all of the tissue, while top surgery only removes like 90-95% of the breast/fat tissue and the last bit is used to create a “masculine” contour. So a complete mastectomy for cancer would result in a very flat, almost concave chest. You can see some examples of what “going flat” after a breast cancer related mastectomy looks like here.

There are some fat folks who choose to leave in a little more fat in their chest because they feel like the extra fullness fits their body type because some fat men have “moobs” but that’s a personal aesthetic choice and not required or something, and it’s possible to get a flat chest with top surgery if you tell the surgeon to make you flat. I do think the majority of folks choose to go fully flat, but there’s nothing wrong with choosing otherwise.

Because a typical trans double mastectomy leaves about 10% of the tissue in for contour, and a few fat folks opt for even more (although this isn’t common), it’s still possible for post-top surgery folks to get cancer in that tissue. That means top surgery may decrease the risk of breast cancer, but it won’t prevent breast cancer.

So you should still get mammograms if you are the age to start getting mammograms, or you should at least do self-checks. This is something you’ll have to talk to your doctor about, and see what they recommend!

On the website of one top surgeon, they said they took off enough tissue it was unlikely you’d get breast cancer, but another top surgeon’s website said that it’s still possible.

“Is top surgery the equivalent to a mastectomy? In short, NO. At least 10-20% of normal breast tissue is preserved in most patients, especially behind the central pedicle (by necessity), and peripherally by design, to avoid unnatural contour irregularities. In addition, the female genotype is generally still at play, and there is no evidence in the literature that the use of testosterone is protective against breast cancer. Therefore, we uniformly advise that all patients engage in self-breast exams (generally easier with less overall tissue remaining) and start getting mammograms when they would otherwise be recommended (generally starting at age 40), especially (and occasionally earlier) in patients with a strong family history of breast cancer, or positive genetic testing. If a breast cancer were to develop, this would likely be managed (by a surgical oncologist) as it would in any smaller-breasted patient.” -Source

I think it depends on what procedure you’re getting as well, like how an inverted-t incision might be a bit fuller than a double incision with grafts. This article says you might also want to be tested for BRCA gene mutations to help decide what kind of surgery you’ll get if there has been breast cancer in your family.

If you’re worried about getting breast cancer because you’ve tested positive for BRCA gene mutations or family members have gotten cancer, you may want a cancer preventative mastectomy where they take out all the tissue instead of a cosmetic mastectomy like they do for top surgery. If you don’t like that look, you may be able to get silicone pectoral implants once you’re fully healed. But the procedure and your options should be discussed with your treatment team, and this whole thing really only applies to folks who are at a high-risk for cancer so it’s something you could talk to your surgeon about at your consultation. 

Anyway, that’s a lil tangent. Top surgery (via double mastectomy) is pretty customizable in the amount of fat you choose to keep, so you can choose if you want a very flat chest, a more contoured chest, a breast reduction or “moob-like” chest because they’re doing large incisions which means they have lots of room to work with when it comes to excising the fat and using liposuction.

If you gain a lot of weight after top surgery your chest may get a little larger, but it won’t regrow to whatever your pre-surgery size was because the breast tissue has been removed.

You can see an example of a larger fellow who got a flat chest here, and another example here. It’s definitely possible for fat folks to get flat chests after top surgery if that’s what they want from the procedure! 

Trans Bucket has a ton of pics of this, but right now folks say the website seems to be acting up so your mileage may vary with getting an account.

The Facebook groups Top Surgery Support (removal/reduction) and Non-Binary Top Surgery both have a ton of pictures uploaded as well, but you can’t see any “before” pictures there because of Facebook’s NSFW ban. They’re still worth checking out though for the personal experiences, community, support, and post-op pics.

There are a lot of folks who find it really hard to lose weight even if you’re eating healthy and exercising and all that because the body really doesn’t want to lose weight, so waiting until you’ve lost a significant amount of weight might not be an ideal timeframe for getting surgery because you might find it really difficult to lose weight which means you’ll keep pushing back the process of getting surgery until an undetermined date in the future, and not having surgery or an idea of when you’ll be getting surgery can be bad for your mental health if you have a lot of dysphoria. 

And it may also be easier to start getting active when you’re healed from top surgery because you don’t have to worry about wearing sports bras or hiding your chest while in the gym and stuff.

Personally, my advice would be to start the process of getting surgery now if you know that it’s what you need. So that means finding a surgeon, getting your WPATH-compliant letter or whatever else your surgeon/insurance needs to perform/cover the procedure, and schedule a consultation. 

If your surgeon tells you at the consult that they are requiring you to lose weight before you get a surgery date, at least you’ll have an idea of how much weight you have to lose which can help direct your goal and keep you motivated. 

And you may also want to consider getting a second opinion with another surgeon too, which would be my recommendation if the first surgeon has a weight-loss condition before they’ll operate and you don’t think that goal is possible within a reasonable timeframe, because the second surgeon may be more comfortable with the risk and say that you can get surgery with them without losing weight.

Anyway, what you choose to do is up to you, but I’d try to get a consult ASAP and go ahead with surgery because if you don’t get completely flat after top surgery and you end up with dog ears or something, you can always get a revision.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to lose weight at the same time (in a healthy way with the guidance of your doctor) if it’s something you want to do, and trying to get started on both goals simultaneously is possible, but even if you don’t lose weight you can still get great top surgery results.

So you definitely can get a flat chest after top surgery even if you weigh a lot pre-op and have a big chest- I’ve seen it myself a ton of times!

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

badger primary + lion secondary (bird model)

Hi! I am so hyped to find your blog - I have been following SHC for a while now and this is one of my hyperfixations lmao. Anyway, I am wondering if you are able to take the time to help me figure out my primary and secondary. I have a hard time trusting my instincts and experiences because of PTSD.

I’ll keep in mind that you’ve probably dealt with/are currently dealing with some burning. 

Even though I have an idea of what I could be, it will be nice to get some external validation. (I’m bad at explaining my internal thoughts sometimes).

That is something that Lion primaries struggle with… but it might also be a burnt secondary thing. 

My morals are largely based on social justice oriented structures of oppression. I have always felt this even growing up but after I finally learned the actual language for the power structures that uphold oppression in school (like capitalism), I realized that I’ve always intuitively used some kind of structure like that to assess morality but it was nice to learn the language and be able to talk about it and explain it to others. 

Definitely leaning Lion primary for you. 

An example would be as a child when I found out that Nike was using child laborers to make their sneakers, I just boycotted Nike and told my family I was boycotting Nike. 

I’d be really interested in knowing what the thought process behind this decision was. Was it “child labors are people too” (Badger) “This is Wrong!” (Lion) or “this piece of information makes me re-think my model of how the world works” (Bird.)

Currently, I am struggling to be a good “Daughter” (i’m nonbinary but my family expects me to be a nice afab daughter) who performs family duties well, and living who I am authentically. It makes me super miserable.

You’ve got Lion somewhere in your system. Either primary, secondary, or both.

The thing that keeps me stuck between lion and badger primary is while I do find things right and wrong and sometimes, a lot of what I find right and wrong is based on people. For example, I get annoyed at a lot of activist communities because they like to play this I’m the Next Top Activist game, and start shaming people who are not able to give their 100% to the cause, and I think that just… super ableist. I often struggle with being in activist groups for that reason because I find myself disagreeing with the ways they may intentionally and unintentionally exclude people with disabilities, or people in other marginalized groups. And the minute that someone is joining a cause to advance their own agenda and profile or ease their own guilt…they’re no longer supporting the cause in my opinion. I can’t just be nice to a politician without really trying to suppress my desire to call them out. It’s really uncomfortable to - like for example, asking a politician for money even though that money was our tax money in the first place. 

This is interesting. And this part actually got me thinking Badger because - it’s just so focused on groups, organizations, and communities. What really makes you get up in the morning is this feeling that all people matter. So you’re  tuned into issues of accessibility, and what’s happening with our tax dollars. But then, you are also crossing out categories of people yourself. Like, if they’re not a True Believer, you don’t want to deal with them. If they’re a politician, you don’t want to deal with them. It’s a very Badger impulse, but be careful there. 

My secondary is tough because while I try to plan, I always forget about my plan. I end up improvising on the spot, and I like shortcuts, but I also cannot pretend to be someone I’m not. It’s hard for me to deal with workplace professionalism and act respectable as I always have to think about what I can’t say or else I will get in trouble. I’ve gotten in trouble in the past for my mouth.

The badger side of me shows when I am noticed for showing up at things I support. I tend to take on supportive roles in the causes I’m involved in because of my lack of energy (I deal with a lot of mental health stuff that limits my energy) and I’m also dealing a lot with my neurodivergence which makes communicating and public speaking sometimes difficult for me. 

I don’t tend to take on leadership roles willingly, but I notice people always coming up to me and asking for my lead on things because they notice what I’m doing. I got my current job because my supervisor approached me at the company holiday party and asked if I would be interested in applying because she noticed the work I did in my previous role. 

Everything about this is very Lion secondary, *especially* the bit about easily falling into leadership positions. Lion secondaries are inspirational, and they tend to gather armies around them. 

I grew up super shy and things overstimulated me a lot so thats why the lion secondary sometimes feels like it doesn’t fit me. 

Probably your Lion secondary was somewhat burnt when you were younger, but it seems REALLY fiery now. 

Ok I realized I rambled a LOT (lmao hyperfixation). Please let me know if you need more info from me if this isn’t enough! Also, if you are out of capacity and don’t get to this, that’s ok too. Thank you so much for reading and for your time!!

I’m sorry about another ask! I submitted a post yesterday (frantasticlyfran) and I realized I forgot to include why the quiz would sometimes put me as snake primary! So a lot of the choices in my life I made because of my mom. My mom is a cancer survivor. I originally went to study film and biology because I thought that making health info accessible would have saved my mom a lot of trouble with chemo and its awful side effects. Now, I am doing more policy work and studying mental health because I realized that I enjoy working on the ground with people more than doing work that seems removed from why I’m doing it (which film sometimes feel that way). The film world was also really awful to me on principle and the way that it doesn’t pay its workers, or the way it tokenizes communities of color. Now, I still think about my mom a lot as I study mental health and how I want to make mental health accessible for low income, queer, and trans communities of color. 

Sometimes it can be really hard to see your own primary, because you only live inside your own head. It’s hard to see the forces that dominate your life as things that don’t dominate the lives of everyone else. 

Anyway, here is a list of communities you are specifically concerned with and motivated by:

Chemo patients

The film industry (derogatory) 

Underpaid workers

Low income people of color

Queer people of color

Trans people of color

You’re a Badger. 

As a kid, because I struggled with social cues (yay autism lol), I also tended to stick to a few friends and tried to model their behaviors and expressions. That is why sometimes the test would put me as snake primary.

Yeah, that’s an Actor Bird model. I’ve got one too, for the same reason. 

The other thing I forgot to mention was the fact that I sometimes come off as a bird secondary because I like to be prepared when it comes to bringing a ton of stuff when I’m traveling. I end up overpacking and bringing maybe way too many things and sometimes it’s like super not practical. But I do tend to come off as prepared because I’ve also gotten in trouble with others for not preparing enough in the past lol because people would get upset at me for not providing them guidelines or preparations when I usually just, jump in and learn on the spot and forget that others need me to provide guidance and prep work.

Lion secondary, Bird model.

Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times. 

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull. 

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season. 

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more. 

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh. 

Meh : 

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this. 

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential. 

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

[trans] <GQ Korea> 2021 Feb Issue - Minho Interview

source: http://www.gqkorea.co.kr/2021/01/21/%eb%af%bc%ed%98%b8-%eb%9c%a8%ea%b2%81%ea%b2%8c-%eb%8b%ac%ec%95%84%ec%98%a4%eb%a5%b8-%eb%a7%88%ec%9d%8c%ec%9d%80-%ec%97%ac%ec%a0%84%ed%9e%88-%ec%a7%84%ed%96%89-%ec%a4%91%ec%9d%b4%ec%97%90%ec%9a%94/

* do not re-translate to other language.

-

I heard that you had a schedule until this morning, but you’re still lively. No matter how tired I am, I feel better when I wake up and take a shower. It’s a routine that starts my day.

You’re confident that you’re second to none when it comes to fitness, right? I remember what you said in the past. It’s not pride, but I know that I have stronger fitness than others. Being full of energy is my strength too.

Besides, it hasn’t been long since you got back from the Marine Corps. Well, I think my fitness did get better. Hahaha.

There must have been so many things you wanted to do. What are you enjoying the most these days? I’m spending a lot of time with my family because we can’t go anywhere freely. We spent Christmas and New Year together. I think it’s good because I haven’t been able to do this since my debut. When I was in the army, I wanted to see my people. That feeling was the strongest.

That’s why you showed up to Taemin’s waiting room in the music show on the day you were discharged. Still in my military uniform. I ran straight from Pohang. All the SHINee members gathered to support Taemin and there were staff members who have been with us for over 10 years. SHINee’s activities felt vague like a fun, pleasant memory when I was looking back in the military, but it felt real that day. That this is the reason why we’ve been together for a long time.

What do you talk about with the members? Since we’re preparing for our album, we talk a lot about the team. About SHINee’s directions, the things we need to show.

Are the pieces coming together? SHINee has often made unique and new attempts in terms of music and style. Some things were derived from what we started, and some were so bold that we asked ourselves ‘Is it okay to do this?’. But there were prejudices that were inevitable since we are an idol group and we didn’t ignore that view either. But now, our members have a consensus that we should show our music colours more clearly by playing to our artistic sides.

I agree. Can you tell me a song that represents that kind of identity by SHINee? The title track of our 4th regular album, ‘View’, was SHINee’s turning point. Before that, there was a strong perception that we are a group with a strong focus on performance. But we were able to show the music colours that we pursue through this song. We tried the deep house genre, which was unfamiliar to K-pop at the time. There were concerns but we achieved what we hoped. The album that contained that song has that kind of meaning itself too.  

Other than music or performance, what do you think of as a scene that shows the group SHINee well? It’s hard to define ‘this is us’ just by one thing because we’ve been through a lot. Instead, if there was to be a documentary made about SHINee, it would be better to have members showing their true sides in the opening scene rather than showing our glorious moments. With me for example, it would show me saying what I want without hesitation. Without worrying, without caring too much about what other people think.

Do you tend to save your words? I play pranks easily but I try not to spit out my words easily. I’m more of a listener than a talker.

You spent your time entirely as Choi Minho at least in the army. Have you been yourself as much as you can? Or did you get to see a lot of your new sides? Both of them coexisted. I had a lot of time to think deeply about myself. I thought about what was good and what was disappointing looking back on the past, and found a new side of myself that I didn’t know about while working as Minho in SHINee. It’s not that something has changed, but I am clearer about myself. I became clear about the things that I can be honest with others and the things that I should be careful about, and understand that what I thought as my strength could be my weakness.

In what way, did you think like that? I thought that I am an extrovert but it turned out, when I looked deep into it, that I cared more about others than myself. I realized that other people would feel comfortable only if I am too. I was busy being considerate and I was stressed, knowingly or not, because I thought I should be that way.

Minho reminds me of a good and sincere image, but it seems like the circumstances were complicated. Even I didn’t know. I think it’s a part that I have to work on to become a better person than now. It’s similar to the reason why I am looking forward to my 30s. I’m curious about what parts of myself that would mature in the future.

Some words that describe Minho are ‘passion’ and ‘trying one’s best’. When do you think the hottest time for you was? When I debuted as SHINee, I felt like I was lacking a lot of skills because I was practicing and promoting by blindly following, so I lost confidence. But after our first concert, I was able to feel less anxious and worried. I realized that there are so many fans who support me. The only thing that I was able to think about was that I should try my best. That heated heart is still ongoing. I feel that it hasn’t cooled down and has been going on so far.

What does passion mean to Minho? Does it mean that you’re greedy? Passion and greed. I thought the two words have similar meaning in the past. I was convinced that anything would come true if I worked hard by being greedy (overly ambitious). I think I hypnotized myself because I really wanted to be that way, rather than trying to be reckless. But as I gained experience, I am able to distinguish their meanings. If passion is the attitude of trying my best in what I can do, then greed is when I question myself ‘Can I really do this?’ and setting limits. So confidence is important. If you gain confidence, then you can boost your greed to positive energy.

Are you used to acting and promoting SHINee activities at the same time now? At first, I thought I would be able to do it even if it was hard. But it wasn’t easy like that. It’s not easy to handle both. I don’t want to let it go. This is a homework that I have to work on, rather than complaining that it’s hard or the results are disappointing.

Your first work after your discharge from the army was also acting. You guest starred in the drama ‘Lovestruck in the City’, what was your first line? “Wear this”. I can’t forget it.

What was it like? One of my favourite words is ‘first’. The first time, within many experiences, sticks to your mind strongly. Your second experience is blurry. That’s how much it means to be the first. When I first stood in front of the camera after I was discharged from the army, if felt like I was starting anew. It wasn’t a difficult scene but I was very nervous. Just like the first time I acted on the set, I vividly remember the situation, people, atmosphere, and the weather of that day.

Even the first scene you ever acted? It’s been more than a decade. It was a short drama, and it was a scene filmed inside a tow truck. I don’t remember my lines well but the actors next to me, the busy staff outside the car window, the sunlight beating down, the appearance of the first tow truck that I rode in, all are still very clear. Even if you tell me to forget it, it will not be forgotten.

Do you remember the first compliment you heard while acting? Well, a lot of people around me say good things to me but I’ve never thought of it as a compliment. It’s because I think I haven’t achieved anything that deserves a compliment yet. So I’ll just say that there’s nothing I can say as my first compliment yet.

It’s a very cool-headed and a cool answer. Then what are the things that you need to pluck up your courage in order to do it? There are a lot of everyday things… Cooking. I didn’t even dare to try it but I was wondering if I could try it before it was too late.

Anyway, somehow you started your social media. You revealed that you didn’t feel the need for a social media in an interview. What made you change your mind? I received so many letters from fans when I was in the army. I read every single one of them and many asked to share my everyday life on social media. I jokingly said that I’d rather open a personal photo exhibition than having a social media, but I started one because I wanted to give a present to fans who have been waiting for me for two years. But I don’t know if I can maintain it well.

Do you record your daily life as much as others do? Not at all. It’s what I’m trying my best these days.

When was the profile picture on your social media taken? When I was 3 or 4 years old. I thought about all sorts of things even with this. Like, should I upload a selfie or act cool?

So you want to write a fic/draw fanart about Sun Wukong, but you don't know anything about macaques? I'll share some interesting facts with you I found in the internet (I'm not a primatologist/ethologist, so take it with a gain of salt) there is this cool youtube channel that is mostly about Rhesus Macaques, but you may get bored soon watching because those guys are mostly chilling, eating and grooming all day long and the don't do anything dramatic. Also be warned there are a lot of monkey channels that are essentially animal abuse. Stay away from those - if the monkey is a pet it's animal abuse, if a lot of accidents happen to the monkeys that's staged and it's abuse as well. I’m just writing down things you may want to play with in your fic or art.

Side note: this should be obvious, but if you want to write a fic with Wukong you actually need to do the research into Chinese culture and history.

Now back to macaques (it's mostly about rhesus or I'll specify otherwise):

- they have matriarchal society, girl children are preferred over the boys, because the boys would leave the natal group one day, usually when the dominant male decides that he doesn't want them around any more. If the boys grow up too big the dominant male may by too weak to kick them out on his own and he'll have to wait for the support from the females. Smarter and bolder boys may be kicked out earlier, because dad sees them as potential threat. Meek sons of low ranking females may stay longer because they are not a threat/not related to the dominant male.

- there are more females than males in the troop. The males that are the part of the troop usually outrank most females because they are bigger. Outsider males, who only drop by to visit or to mate have lower status, though. So you are in a cushy position if you secure yourself a place in a troop, but if you are a lone male not so much.

- girls inherit status of their moms, they are just below mom in hierarchy, but their place in ranking drops when their sisters are born - younger daughters have higher status.

- youngest daughter of the dominant female becomes next queen. To become the boss the male needs to kick out the previous top male and to gain approval of dominant  female. Only the top male in the group can mate with the queen and the pair is supposed to have babies every year. I’m not sure how Wukong would fit in a sexual politics on the group, given that he’s most likely ace. Figuring it out may be one of the plot lines in the story.

- lesser males defend the troop on behalf of the top male, who only fights if the things get really serious.

- top female is the leader for life, top male is replaceable.

- status of females in the group is relatively fixed but your status drops if you have multiple boys in the row, because no one is is going to support you when the boys leave. Having multiple daughters boosts your ranking because they'll have your back. Being in the good graces of resident males, particularly the dominant one won’t hurt you either. But you need to be careful, if you become too bold the high ranking females will put you in your place.

- higher ranking members take food before lower ranking ones, they’ll take your food away if you eat out of rank. Even from your cheek pouches.

- you generally chill with macaques of similar status.

- higher ranking members will discipline lower ones, but they are usually more tolerant towards the babies (except if a baby takes a desirable food out of rank).

- macaques sleep in trees. They also huddle together.

- rhesus don’t eat meat. If you left them meat they won’t touch it/will drop it as soon as they realise it’s meat. They only eat insets, mostly ones they’ve picked while grooming. Long tailed macaques eat meat and shellfish.

- When we are at that long tailed macaques can use stone tools to open shells. It’s awesome but also kind of a problem because long tail macaques have voracious apatites and they will eat as long as there’s food so they are in danger of bringing to population of shellfish to extinction and forgot their technological advancement as a result. In contrast rhesus only eat as long as they are hungry and they will leave even the most attractive food when they are satisfied.

- rhesus eat fruit, seeds, nuts, shoots, flowers (particularly nectar), occasionally leaves and they can eat human food like bread as long as that food doesn’t have meat in it. I’ve seen rhesus eat spoiled milk :/

- they also eat soil, they do it because sometimes plants they eat have toxins and soil helps with that. Also nutrients possibly.

- they have very clean fur. The spend a lot of time grooming (1996 adaptation got it right). You want to romance a potential partner, you groom, you spend time with your family, you groom, you sit alone, you groom yourself, you want to persuade other monkey let you babysit her kid you groom her and then you groom the kid when she finally lets you, you want to make up after a quarrel, you guessed it, you groom. You are a lone bachelor and you’ve met your old auntie, who used to babysit you, you groom. It is all purpose social interaction that also keeps lice and tick of your fur. Macaques don’t generally get flees because they sleep in trees, while flees hop on their hosts from the ground, but they’d rid of fleas any way with all that grooming.

- other multi purpose gesture is showing the rump. You do it to say you’re sorry, to ask for something (usually for other monkey to let you babysit) and when you are flirting. The other monkey make hop on your back to show domination, accept apology or reconciliate. It kind looks like a copulation from afar.

- lip smacking is for showing affection and signalling you want a hug.

- open mouth stare signifies aggression (I think 1986 Wukong does that, when he faces his enemies (?), but I haven’t seen that in other on screen performances).

- yawning with teeth exposed is also aggression/threat (without teeth it’s just yawning).

- barking sound is also a threat.

- showing teeth in a grin is stress/apology.

- they scratch themselves more when stressed (and it’s depicted in several JttW adaptations).

- those guys may steal your food, steal a bag if they think it may contain food and even steal your other possessions in order to exchange for food (or sometimes just to play).

- they know if they show up with a baby in their arms they are more likely to be fed by humans. But at the same time they don’t like humans near their babies.

- macaques get redder during mating period (that is winter), males with more and darker red marks are considered more attractive by females.

- baby season is in the summer.

- girls are usually more developed at birth and grow up faster.

- yearling girls are super interested in the new born babies, boys are usually less interested but they help out sometimes as well.

- nearly all females love babies. They may not want to give the baby back if they are babysitting.

- usually both moms and dads prefer daughters. But there are exceptions because those monkeys are individuals, some actually prefer little boys. There are also females, who don’t like babies that much and little girls who are not interested at all in their younger siblings.

- if a baby dies a mom or babysitter can carry it for days. Sometimes they even carry around miscarried foetuses. They will groom the dead baby as well. Apparently if you’ll try approaching mourning mom other troop members will attack you.

- rhesus males don’t practice infanticide, because the females only get in oestrus at fixed time of the year, long tailed macaques supposedly do to make the oestrus come faster.

- most macaques figure out their own reflections relatively quickly.

- they love how to swim, they are good swimmer and they like to high dive. But they can overestimate their abilities and it’s not rare for them to drown.

- Macaques are somewhere around 2 feet tall (generally shorter than a human toddler, standing up they’d probably reach to your mid thigh depend how tall you are) Sun Wukong is 4 feet tall, that’s as big as modern 7 year old, perhaps he could passed as pre teen in Tang period because people used to be shorter in the past and it took longer for kids to grow. Anyway he’s small for a human but huge for a macaque.

- now for sexual dimorphism (people with trans head-canons take notes, I’m not telling you want to do, but only what you can play with):

- males are bigger and with bulkier shoulders (Wukong is huge anyway, so this one may not be so important),

- males have longer (more prognostic), squarer muzzles and bigger fangs (all male primates have significantly bigger fangs than females save for humans), females have shorter and rounder faces, you can more or leas tell the sex of an adult from the face after you’ve watched them for a while.

- females tend to be redder, both on face on on the buttocks. Older females tend to be redder than younger ones. Males get redder on the face and balls during mating seasons. Males often have only red marks on the upper part of the face, some just look as if they are wearing red eyeliner. Meanwhile a lot of females have whole faces red. I suppose female also get redder during mating season, but it’s not that obvious.

- lactating females have sagging beast, they are visible but usually not particularly big. Females, who don’t lactate don’t heave breasts. They may still have long nipples (in contrast all males I’ve seen have small nipples).

- males have quite big testicles comparatively to their body size, the balls reach almost to their kneed during mating season (when the macaques is on all fours at least).

- like most mammals they have penis bone.

- mounting time is less than 8 seconds for rhesus but the mount multiple time during the same event. Male hops on the top of female and often supports himself by holding her shins in his feet. Female often reaches back grab him with one hand.

- bonnet macaques are known for homosexual behaviour (they are known as the bonobo of macaques).

- Macaques are supposed to have periods but also oestrus cycle?? apparently

- it seems like all rhesus with leucism are female (??) or at least the condition occurs much more often in females. Those monkeys have golden fur and transparent nails. Usually leucistic monkeys are low in group ranking. You may include this fact if you want to write an underdog story.

- usually rhesus fur is combination of light grey, light brown and orange. Head and shouldered tend to be greyer, lower back and legs tend to be more orange, forearms tend to be darker grey, while the belly is much lighter than the rest.

- the winter coat is longer an thicker.

- Rhesus macaques typically have dark nails. They have nails, not claws. In fact almost all monkeys and all Old World monkeys have nails. Hand looks very much like humans. The thumb is just a little shorter and the palm just a bit different shape but you’d be hard pressed to find any hand resembling that of a human even among other primates, you’d get cebids and maybe great apes and that’s it. Actually macaques have closer thumb to finger ration to humans than other great apes.

- macaques do not knuckle walk like apes, instead when they walk on their flat palms.

- the hand does not resemble cat paws at all. It is not padded like cats or dogs’ paws. It looks almost like human hand but with hair on the top.

- needless to say macaques are very dexterous. Their hands are optimised for object manipulation.

- they have longer feet with pointy heel and opposite big toe.

- it’s not rare for rhesus to have brown palms even though they have light pink faces.

- rhesus have relatively short  tails. Also no Old World Monkeys have prehensile tales (but you don’t have to draw, just have fun, heck I draw Wukong with long tail even though I think he’s supposed to be rhesus).

- the limbs are also relatively short with arms being shorter than legs.

- those guys are incredibly resilient and can survive losing a limb or two without human medical intervention as long as there are no predators in the area. They can also heal open broken bone.

- also while they discriminate against macaques with golden fur, the don’t seem to discriminate against monkeys with missing limbs or many other deformities.

- oh, yeah, about that, they care for injured macaques or at least if the injured one is their sibling.

- macaque bites aren’t very likely to pierce human skin (zoo keepers claim)

- but be warned you don’t want macaques saliva or other body fluids anywhere near your person because over 80% of their adult population (and about 25% of juveniles) carries monkey herpesvirus B. It hardly cause them any harm but mortality rate in infected humans is over 70% (at least that we know of, fortunately it does not usually spread to humans, there have been only about 40 cases on the record, all in the lab setting). Important note: this virus spreads sexually. Wukong may carry this virus without being aware.

- they have cheek pouches so collars or clothing that is tight around the neck is bad for them. If you put collar on a macaque they wouldn’t be able to eat properly because they usually put their food in the pouches and then gradually swallow.

I agree with the overly fetished views that fandom seems to have of gay men. As a gay man who’s really short, it’s soooo fuckin weird to have people assume I’m a bottom??? Like, I don’t even know you enough to disclose my sexual life and you’re making? weird? assumptions?? Also, there’s a certain fan artist who shan’t be named who makes a certain shorter character super feminine and it kills me every time

EXACTLY

Urgh I’m sorry fandom makes you feel that way.

I’m gonna put this under a cut as I am about to rant about this topic because it is my biggest gripe within fandom. Don’t read on if you are here for fun happy positive things. Beware fair readers, there be strong potentially offensive opinions and plenty of fandom wank down below...

Fandom is unfortunately filled with CIS het women who like to stereotype and force men into their preconceived internalised misogynistic perceptions that to be short or slender means you are the weak dainty “girl” in the relationship and that’s why whichever character they deem the “girl” is also ALWAYS the “bottom”. It also is the same way fandom tends to muddy the waters between sexual positions top/bottom and BSDM terms dom/sub, where bottoms MUST be submissive as well. Half the time you will see posts talking about character traits which perhaps might indicate a submissive streak, and people will take that to mean that a character is a bottom, when the two do not correlate and it is highly problematic to assume that they do.

It’s so fucking problematic and I don’t think that these (mostly straight cis female) fans realise that by encouraging these harmful stereotypes, they are actually also being totally misogynistic and anti feminist. Women are not all bloody Anastasia Steel’s for christs sake (and don’t get me started on that god awful book/movie series). A women can be tall, broad, muscular, she can be dominant and strong and she can damn well top a man if she wants to.

When it comes to shipping male characters in gay/queer relationships, fandom MUST stop inflicting outdated heterosexual stereotypes on them. It seems like fans find a pairing they like (for instance Dean and Cas) and then immediately have to decide which one of them plays the female role. They then twist and change the characters, their traits, the way they look etc, so that one of them is basically a woman. That character then MUST be the submissive bottom and URGH I HATE IT.

(Making a quick note to say that whilst these particular common stereotypes within fandom are very much a problem, this is not to be confused in any way with fans taking their fave characters and headcanoning them as trans or nb or anything else genderwise which reflects an even more marginalised group and is usually a type of fanwork created by fans who are in fact trans or nb themselves.)

I’m not gonna comment on specific artists, but I tend to block urls of bloggers whose stuff I feel is particularly problematic and I also now have the WONDERFUL post blocker xkit extension OMG it is a GODSEND I highly recommend it. If you keep seeing a post on your dash because everyone is reblogging it even though it is super squicky to you (like for instance an obviously feminised Cas or Dean is squicky for me) you can use the extension to block that particular post so you never have to see it again regardless of how many of your mutuals reblog it. Its amazing!

I know that on this hellsite we like to encourage everyone to be as creative as possible and that everyone is valid and we don’t kinkshame and everything etc etc, and I’m all for that, whatever floats your boat and all that. But there is a line, and the line is when what you are doing becomes offensive to the marginalised groups you are supposedly supporting. Like I really don’t care if you are into tentacle sex or hell, even a furry, but I do care if the only way you can comfortably support a gay ship is to force either of the male characters into a “female” template and give them a “self lubricating asshole”. Like... come on. This is why I hate A/B/O. If you have to force gay men to fit a hetero model, you aren’t supporting gay men, you are fetishising them. You are also probably kinda homophobic.

What I really hate about this stuff is how it always seems to be the problematic stuff like this that blows up and becomes a trend and suddenly everyone is jumping on board and no one is given a second thought to how fucked up it is. WHY IS A/B/O EVEN A THING?!? It started as a J2 beastiality fic like WHY DID IT BECOME SO POPULAR?!

Why is Twist & Shout so bloody popular too? Its not even in character. They aren’t even Dean and Cas! Cas is a pale skinny little TWINK?! WHHHHYYYY? I don’t understand it if you ship Destiel wouldn’t you at least want the characters you are reading about to BE Dean and Cas?!? Don’t get me wrong I love AU fics, but I still want to be able to picture and hear Dean and Cas in the characters being described.

Why was it such a thing in the early seasons to make Cas a girl? (that’s hyperbole obviously but he might as well have been based on some of the early fanfics/fanart I’ve seen and immediately noped out of.) Misha Collins has never looked anything like that! He’s never been feminine looking and just because the dude can pull off a dress doesn’t mean you can force him to suddenly be the cute tiny pale perfect curvy pretty submissive beauty you can’t help but imagine Dean with. If you want that for Dean, ship him with Lisa. Stop forcing Cas into a model that just doesn’t make sense for the character.

This goes for Dean as well of course. The dude may have a thing for pink panties and ballet shoes and taylor swift sure, but can we not feminise him to the point he is unrecognisable as the character please?

I know that a lot of this has routes in YAOI. Something I have generally avoided because quite frankly it disgusts me. I find the whole thing just super uncomfortable and messed up and see it purely as a straight womans fetish. So much of fandom shipping behaviour comes from YAOI and its caused a lot of the toxicity we have seen over the years. I think it has got a lot better in recent years though because the queer community is slowly gaining a monopoly in fandom (imo) and as they (we, I should say, as my bisexual ass has quite clearly had enough of this) become more interested in shipping and fandom culture, we can also start educating those straight fans who might be willing to listen and learn. Maybe one day we can say goodbye to the problematic trends of today, or at least, keep them on the fringes of fandom as more and more people wake up to the fact that they are harmful.

And if that means I never have to look at an image of a short pale “pretty” Cas with womanly hips again, I’ll crack open the prosecco and consider it a win.

Witchblr (for the Most Part) Doesn't Have the Gatekeeping Problem It Thinks It Does

I've been seeing this crop up in more and more posts, bios even - anti-gatekeeping statements. And I've tried to keep an open mind about it, to go "well maybe I'm just not seeing what they're talking about" but as I run into actual posts where gatekeeping is claimed, I'm really starting to think that Witchblr might not fully understand what the term means and why it's essential we don't adopt it from the groups who need it to articulate a very specific experience, one that Witchblr isn't capable of having just within itself as far as I can tell.

I don't know for a fact where the term originates but my first introduction to the term gatekeeping was through the trans community. A friend of mine was having to see a therapist, weekly, for 6 months, before she could get her therapist to write a letter that would enable a doctor to prescribe her the hormones she wanted to take. She'd researched them thoroughly, knew the risks and benefits very well, was fully consenting - but was being denied a substance vitally necessary to her mental, physical, social, and emotional well being.

Gatekeeping usually best describes folks who are not a part of a group getting to decide who is a part of said group. In this example, cis doctors and therapists getting to decide who is trans enough to access medical care they need. This is especially potent when other folks outside the group have easier access to the means than the group being gatekept. Such as when cis women have an easier time accessing HRT than trans women. That doesn't seem to mirror what I'm seeing in Witchblr posts where the word is used.

The power behind gatekeeping requires a level of organization that Witchblr as a community doesn't seem to have. And what's being denied are not things that are vital to folks' material well being but rather recognition and validation. I understand the confusion on some level. When forces with organized power deny folks validation and recognition, it often comes with the denial of material and social goods they need to survive. But the individuals out here writing their blogs largely cannot withhold what is vital and necessary to your continued existence. While we all do better with support, not everyone owes us that support and it requires an exchange to make it sustainable. Reading someone's work, even regularly, doesn't fit the bill. In my book, if you're in need of validation and support, you go to those people who already do or cultivate new reciprocal relationships with people who will.

The few cases where I've seen gatekeeping used to describe intracommunal affairs is in cases where the community is not equally privileged. And while there are a mix of privileged and marginalized folks in the Witchblr community, as far I can tell there's not a cohesive group that is considered more acceptable by folks outside of Witchblr who, through that acceptability, are shielded from the full weight of community specific oppression and ostracize less acceptable folks from collective resources to maintain that sheild. The closest I've seen to this (that isn't rooted in other intersections of identity) is that folks who who maintain a psychological view - "It's all in our heads but isn't that still real?" - of deities, magic, and divination seem to get a better reception than those who believe in other models and sometimes distance themselves from folks who believe otherwise but even then...doesn't quite fit the bill.

For internet communities in particular, I have a very hard time seeing the structures in place needed to enforce gatekeeping. Someone doesn't agree that you are [insert term]y enough for the [insert term] group they're personally a part of? Well there are likely a bunch more groups already established who would accept you. You also have the power to create, grow, and maintain your own. You have both resources and agency.

What I think Witchblr's usage of gatekeeping more often speaks to is many folks crave the validation of other people. They stake their worth and well being on disproving people. When someone says "you're not a witch if you don't do xyz" = they don't stop to think about what power that person has over their power or their practice. They just react. Someone is wrong on the internet and it's perceived as a threat.

Part of the issue is that Witchblr has a tendency toward projecting a practice rather than actually practicing. It's been my experience that when you spend more of your time doing your practice and you have a deep sense of your foundations - whether someone agrees with you or not quickly becomes irrelevant. What so many of the conversations on gatekeeping show me is that many folks do not have a strong enough foundation in what they believe and what they practice to understand who they are and what's relevant to them. They're filling that void with external validation.

Where Witchblr's "gatekeeping" usage becomes outright destructive or even dangerous is with it's continual insistence that people articulating positions well grounded in research and primary records are some how gatekeeping other people they don't agree with. Previous education does help but acting like every person who can defend their positions with source texts automatically has a degree or several is weirdly classist to me.

I went to rural schools the vast majority of my life. I have multiple learning disabilities, struggled hard, and never completed a college degree despite attempting twice. Money and my health stopped me. I was working class and now unemployed. I did not have internet at home for most of my adult life (and only part of my childhood). Like I am so close to the examples I see thrown around in these conversations and yet I have been told that by citing reliable sources that I'm elitist and classist.

Something we don't talk enough about as a community is that expertise has a lot less to do with privilege and a lot more to do with sacrifice. I chose to spend what free time I could practicing and researching. I could have spent that time watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, going hiking, etc. While it was also out of poverty, I chose not to accumulate things in my home that would take a lot of time to care for. I had a second hand hospital mattress on the floor and that was it - that was a sacrifice of comfort. I did not have a pet for the majority of the time I did my most intense studying so I could focus on my work - that was sacrifice. I did not have internet at home, largely because I couldn't afford it, but I embraced it as it created the ability to download a work at a public connection and take it home and sit with it deeply so that I couldn't reach out for other people's comments to filter it through. I only maintained romantic relationships that were low energy input and were thus less satisfying or close so that I could focus on my work - that was a sacrifice.

All this is to say - you don't see half the sacrifices people who have a level of expertise make. There's an assumption of ease where there absolutely should not be one. No one is asking you to sacrifice like that. No one is saying you're lesser for not making that sacrifice. What folks are saying is respect the sacrifices they made to get the knowledge they're trying to share with you. They're often trying to give you what they had to pay with a good chunk of their lives for. Take it or leave it, don't attack them. It is not gatekeeping to recognize that, where spirituality overlaps with history and other topics, there are correct answers that can be found if you look. That's just reality.

Also learning on your own is not the same as having access to an education or to the internet even. Our ancestors did not always have people to study from. Practices like spirit work, divination, and magic developed independently all over the world. There were plenty of interrupted lineages in there too. I think people forget that you can learn these skills through experimentation and observation. People literally can't keep you from this path of learning. Whether you choose to take it is up to you. Whether it's worth the sacrifice - only you can say.

So vast majority of ways I’m seeing people use the word gatekeeping just do not meet the criteria. Watering that word down robs it of it’s ability to name a very specific threat which is especially damaging to use trans folks who use it to call out medical discrimination. The vast majority of instances I see it used in are where someone is expressing an opinion. They may be wildly off base but as long as they’re not spreading truly harmful ideologies, they're entitled to it. Different opinions are not gatekeeping - they’re a natural part of any community and we have to have a level of tolerance for that. That discomfort you feel is an invitation to meet your shadow, understand your discomfort, and prioritize what actually moves your practice forward.

Reasons you should be watching Craig of the Creek

Not enough people are watching this wonderful show, so I thought I’d do my best to introduce people to it. It’s made by former Steven Universe crew Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, so if you’re missing Steven Universe while it’s on hiatus this is a great way to keep away the hiatus blues, or if you just enjoy in cartoons. It’s great for a whole list of reasons, which broadly fall into the two categories of great representation and great storytelling:

Canonical queer representation

-       The witches premiere in the episode The Curse. If you aren’t sure if you want to watch this whole show definitely watch this one at least! It’s my absolute favourite not least of all because it’s about teen goth girls in love. It has a sequel The Last Kid in The Creek which is also wonderful, and the witches cameo throughout the series. I don’t want to spoil too much but The Curse is essentially about the two not wanting to be separated and struggling to admit their feelings for each other. (Spoilers: they do and walk off alone, blushing, staring at each other lovingly, while the kids aww at them)

-       Bernard and his girlfriend watch a cooking show hosted by a gay couple.

-       Other cameos, hints and coded queer kids such as JP’s sister (who has fancy dinner reservations with Kat, a woman with a shaved head who compliments Kelsey’s fake sword). There’s also Raj and Shaun (two very close friends), as well as several very boyish tomboys, including Handlebarb and Turner.

-       All public bathrooms I’ve spotted in the show have gender neutral signs on them which is nice.

POC representation

-       Craig, the main character, is black and has a loving family explored in depth, including an activist grandmother working for the council, a wise and fun grandfather, a supportive fun dad who loves his amazing wife, an adorable assertive little sister, and an angsty overachieving older brother who just wants to be a good grownup who loves his family and girlfriend.  

-       There are MANY characters of colour. There are black and brown characters, Raj is Indian, Stacks is Hispanic (and it’s implied she is an immigrant), there are several Asian characters, Kelsey is Hungarian and Jewish, a persistent background character wears a hijab (I’m pretty sure she was named at some point but I can’t find her name anywhere. She definitely has lines at one point). I’m sure there are others I have missed. No one is a stereotype as far as I am aware.

Subtle neurodivergent representation

-       JP is possibly on the autism spectrum. I’d love neurodivergent people’s opinions on this, but while the representation isn’t canonical or obvious I think it’s good that while JP is represented as having different thought processes from his friends, he isn’t made fun of for it, at least not by them. It’s noteworthy I think that he’s the eldest of the core trio, probably because he finds it easier to relate to younger people who still share his imagination and care less about his unique way of thinking. His neurodivergence is explored most explicitly in the episode Jextra Perrestrial, so if you’re interested in this kind of representation definitely check that episode out.

Non-nuclear family representation

-       While the main character is a member of the typical nuclear family you see on TV (except black, and actually interesting) most of the other families we see are not.

-       JP is raised by his mother and older sister. His father is never mentioned and their house is definitely in worse condition than the others we see. His family works hard to take care of each other. His sister is a nurse and both her and her mother are away a lot of the time, but they both love JP very much. JP’s sister also happens to be really openly body positive. I love them a lot.

-       Kelsey’s father is an only parent. There’s still a lot of mystery surrounding how Kelsey’s mother passed away. It’s a very subtle but important part of Kelsey’s character and comes through in really bittersweet adorable ways (not limited to Kelsey using her “half-orphan”ness to guilt trip a man into giving her money)

-       Other kinds of families are scattered throughout the show, including families that move around a lot, a home-school kid with a strict mother, and more.

Unique approach to fantasy and sci-fi

-       You know how most kids show will take a kid’s fantasy and bring it to reality? Well Craig of the Creek keeps the fantastical and nostalgic element of that line of thinking but never confirms or denies whether the kids fantasies are real or in their heads. And not in a Scooby Doo way where the fantastical elements are explained away, but are hinted as a possibility right at the very end. Instead, two perspectives (the fantastical perspective and the realistic perspective) are woven into every episode.

-       This means there are two ways to interpret every episode. You can view the witches as real witches, or as goth teenagers. You can view Helen as a kid from another dimension, or a home-school kid who is never at the creek at the same time as the other kids. You can view Deltron as a cyborg from the future, or as an imaginative kid from a big city.

-       This is super unique and fun to watch. They come up with so many new ideas and its always fun to figure out what’s actually happening, while still getting to relive childhood fantastical nostalgia.

-       Almost all of these episodes use this to talk about an issue, but these issues can get quite complex and are definitely not shoved down your throat.

Overarching mystery plot about a colonialist kingdom / cult

-       Love the slow burn storytelling of Steven Universe’s Diamond Authority? Love putting together the mysteries of Gravity Falls? Then you’ll love this plot about colonialism, classism, bullying, peer pressure and more and its mysterious build up including cryptic graffiti art and flower symbolism.

-       Even before this arc properly begins, Craig of The Creek primarily centers around the microcosm of the Creek. Many of the episodes have a lot of commentary on society, politics and how different factions of people form and interact.

-       The show is over 50 episodes in and this arc is only just starting to kick off so now is the time to catch up and watch.

-       Fun complex villain(s)

Complex relatable characters

-       Want commentary and nostalgia about horse girls, children’s tea parties, weird kids, angsty teens, young weebs, dweebs and more!? Every childhood obsession is represented in this show.

-       Adults! All the parents and older teens in this show are just as rich and complex as the kids. They are all so interesting and fun.  

-       Want characters with arcs, aims, fun relationships and complexity!? Look no further! Redemption arcs! Revelations! Found family! It’s all here!

Great art and soundtrack

-       Cute background and character designs that make you nostalgic as hell and are also beautiful and well thought out.

-       Sometimes the art design is changed up for a particular episode to portray a certain fantastical / sci fi element. It’s very fun and engaging. 

-       An opening song that’s fun to sing along to, bittersweet ending song that makes me want to cry, a couple of musical episodes including a super fun rap musical episode, and a great OST

Queer headcanons

-       There are tons of ways to interpret the show but here’s some of my head canons just to get an idea.

-       (Note that despite my headcanons I use the pronouns for the kids that they use in the show cause I’m not certain about any of it and they’re kids who haven’t come out yet and also for clarity and consistency’s sake – I’m not saying trans people are not their genders. Don’t worry I’m nonbinary)

-       I headcanon that all the main trio grow up to realise they are queer. They strike me as that weird group of friends that doesn’t fit in with the other kids and aren’t quite sure how they all came to be friends, only to later realise they all showed early signs of breaking gender roles and that’s why they stuck together.

-       Craig definitely grows up to realise he’s gay, bisexual or queer. His admiration for characters like Deltron and Green Poncho are definitely crushes that he mistakes for a strong sudden and eager desire for friendship.

-       Kelsey probably grows up to realise she is nonbinary, a trans boy or a WLW. I mostly headcanon this because I relate to her a lot and I’m nonbinary and queer so I said so. She reminds me a lot of myself as a kid. She throws herself into books, mostly fantasy for escapism. She fantasises and writes a lot for the same reasons. She dresses like a tomboy (She always wears her hair up in the same bun which strongly reminds me of my own childhood hair dysphoria) and she hangs out solely with male friends.

-       JP gives me strong trans lesbian vibes, or to a lesser extent nonbinary vibes. (I know his sister is WLW coded but take it from me there can be more than one queer in a family). He is interested in girls, specifically Maney the horse girl (he even joined the horse girls for one episode). He wears a long V-neck shirt that is essentially a dress ALL the time. He’s aware that he’s different and while self conscious sometimes, mostly just wants to express himself the way he wants to. He also chooses to go by initials JP over his very gendered name Johnathan Paul (In a recent episode he names a ship after himself, calling it “The SS Johnathon Paulina”).

-       (Sidenote if you do start watching this show and I see any nasty shipping of these characters in non puppy-love fashion so help me god)

 Other reasons

-       The show is at times very intertextual and references Princess Mononoke, Super Smash Brothers, Sailor Moon, Lord of the Rings, and a billion other things. It also has some fun cameos, including background images of the Tres Horny Boys from The Adventure Zone, a TARDIS from Doctor Who, and a Cookie Cat from Steven Universe.

-       Honestly, this post hasn’t done the best job explaining why I love this show so much. You honestly just have to watch an episode to understand fully what I’m talking about, so give it a go! Watch The Curse at least, it only goes for 10 minutes.