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estellamiraiauthor · 1 year

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The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 33)

Well, I did it. I went back to this second-to-last chapter, which wasn’t hard because I don’t like it or because it was hard to write…but because I do love it and I wish with all my heart it had reached more than the 50 or so people it ultimately did.

spoilers under the cut.

So I know I’m really critical of my own writing a lot of the time, but I actually really like what I did here, ending chapter 32 with “thank you for all the years to come” and then when you flip the page to chapter 33, it’s four years later and the band is still doing well.

So the goal over these first few pages was to show that Teru had been successful, that he had grown as a person, but that he still missed Rei. So the band is on TV, promoting a new single which Teru actually wrote the lyrics for. I think this is HUGE growth on his part, going from “I don’t know, anything’s fine” to actually writing an intensely personal song and performing it on national TV.

I wrote all of the lyrics for this book myself, by the way (since Japanese isn’t my first language, I did hire an editor to brush them up a little, but they’re mostly mine), and other than maybe the “ai ga sakikaeru made” (until love blooms again) that’s kind of the central theme, these lyrics are probably my favorite. Because it was written by Teru, I didn’t need to follow the sort of preposterous level of melodramatic angst that Rei likes to write, and sort of drew on some softer pop influences for a more personal song (that’s pretty blatantly about Rei).

Then we get a little interview with the band, which catches the reader up on everything that’s happened over the past four years. Rei’s last song, Sweet Goodbye, was a massive hit, and they’ve been doing okay since then, but haven’t quite matched that initial success. Of course, being reminded of how the band really is missing something without Rei just reminds Teru of how HE is missing something too. I feel really bad for him here… I think he thought that singing this song would bring him closure, but is there any such thing as closure? It’s really just making him sadder and more nostalgic.

This chapter has a couple of my very favorite lines, the first one here being “the worst part of losing someone isn’t the moment they’re gone, but all the moments after that. All the times they should’ve been there, and they’re not.”

It’s worth mentioning here that this is the only chapter I wrote out of order. Of course, I went back and edited and added to things, and that wasn’t always in order, but I almost always start the first draft with Chapter 1, and work toward the end. But I actually wrote the very last chapter, chapter 34, before this one, and came back to fill in these scenes.

I’m not really sure why I did that, except that I knew from the start exactly what I wanted to do with the last chapter, whereas this one went through a couple of different versions before settling on this one.

ANYWAY! The next scene is really to show how Teru has grown over the past four years. He didn’t have a driver’s license before; now he has a probably-expensive sports car. He hasn’t smoked in four years… I kind of think he quit cold turkey when Rei left, and that all of this is sort of a semi-conscious effort to be a better person the way Rei maybe needed or wanted him to be. (I mean, not driving doesn’t make you a bad person, and people who are addicted to nicotine or anything else aren’t bad or weak or anything either… but to Teru, because Rei wanted him to quit smoking, and because he felt guilty for not being able to drive when it was hard for Rei to go out, I think he sees those things as ways he could become more the kind of partner that Rei needed.)

I don’t think he really expects to ever see Rei again at this point. He’s not necessarily doing these things FOR Rei… but he kind of is, at some level.

He drives past the Ferris wheel where they had that long-ago date… this was actually a nice thing I was able to add BECAUSE I had to change the location of the Ferris wheel in editing. The original location of the date was nowhere near the TV studio (which is 100% obviously the Fuji TV studio, although in the interest of avoiding trademark violations etc. I never say so).

And then he kind of randomly goes to Ikebukuro. He has no real reason for going there, specifically, and I think he knows that. There’s a shopping center there, but there are a million similar places in Tokyo… it’s just a whim, and I think it’s really fate. For storytelling purposes, I picked that particular location because there’s a stage you can access without buying a ticket or anything… good for dramatic effect?

We also see that he’s casually dating a guy… this is also growth, I think. He’s comfortable enough with his sexuality now to try to date again, and to include men in his potential partners… but we can also infer from this that he hasn’t had a *serious* relationship since Rei.

In an earlier version of this chapter, it was set on a different New Year’s Day… I think the band had broken up, and Teru was in a slightly more committed relationship. I think that felt off for a number of reasons though, so I’m glad I changed it! Some early readers commented that it was too depressing if the band broke up so soon… and that was true, so I’m grateful for that feedback!

I also considered a version where Teru DIDN’T ever see Rei again, it was just an epilogue where he was happy and comfortable being himself and was ultimately grateful for what the relationship had given him… I think that also could’ve worked, but it would’ve been sad.

In the version set on another New Year’s Day, Teru heard a song that he KNEW had to be written by Rei, and used the publication information on the CD to track him down… but that ALSO didn’t work, because it didn’t really answer the question of why he would do that THEN, and not at any other moment, or why Rei would suddenly be okay with it after all those years.

So, the final version really just came to me one day… it still uses the idea of hearing a song… first, Utada Hikaru’s “First Love” on the PA system. Even if you don’t know that song, you should be able to tell from the title that it would remind Teru of Rei (again; this day has been an onslaught of reminders). But the song itself really is perfect, too: it’s about how your first love will always be your first love, even if and when both of you move on. It was also REALLY popular around the time Teru and Rei were together, so it probably reminds him of that time period in general, too.

But then, of course, the REALLY fateful song is Saki’s. Someone is playing that song that Saki wrote for Rei and that Minori wouldn’t put on the album… and there’s really only one person it could be. Teru thinks to himself that only six living people (the five members of the band and Rei) know that song, but there’s not really anyone else it could be. If any of his bandmates play piano at all, it’s definitely not at Rei’s level. There’s no reason any of them would be here in the first place since Teru JUST left them at the TV studio. And why would they be playing a song none of them really liked? There’s really no reason for Teru OR the reader to think it could possibly be anyone other than Rei.

I don’t actually remember at what point Saki’s song became a plot point. If it was there in the VERY first draft, it would have been only for that little fluffy scene where Teru plays air drums, and I’m not sure that scene was there either. The conflict with Minori was added later, along with the parts with Bara’s new band, because I needed to flesh out that music-related subplot to help move the main relationship plot along, and in THAT draft, by the time I got to this scene, everything just kind of fell into place, and I knew that it had to be Saki’s song that brought them back together.

There were a couple of reasons for this. First, it just works better than some random new song that just somehow “sounds like Rei” or anything the band actually recorded (which could be anyone, really, since a large number of people would have heard that album by now). Second, it sort of addresses both Teru’s jealousy of Saki and Rei’s fears that Saki might not have wanted him to find happiness with someone else. Now, this isn’t a religious book or a ghost story. Teru and Rei both admit that they don’t know what they believe regarding the afterlife… but if you choose to subscribe to the idea that Saki is somehow still watching over Rei, he clearly doesn’t object to them being together. (Or, death is the end and it’s just fate. Or a coincidence. It works any of those ways.)

So, Teru KNOWS. And that gives him the power to decide here how this is going to go. He COULD leave. Or he could go back to the stage and see for himself. And of course he’s going to do the latter. He tells himself he should leave, but that’s just because he thinks Rei still doesn’t want to see him. Teru (obviously, if you’ve been reading the chapter up to now) wants to see Rei more than anything in the world.

And I think Rei DOES want to see Teru again too… he always has. But he sees that as a selfish want, and still thinks he’s doing Teru a favor by staying away. And he doesn’t really know if Teru’s seeing anyone. He’s secretly relieved every week when the tabloids come out and there’s no mention of Teru in any relationship, but he also knows the tabloids don’t get everything, and the more time passes the more he can just tell himself that Teru’s happy, he’s successful, there’s no need to mess with that.

But of course Teru’s not perfectly happy, so… you know, I find it really hard to comment on this scene because I love it. When it came to me, it didn’t even feel like I came up with it… it was just THE WAY THE STORY ENDED. And I guess it took me so long and made me so depressed to talk about this chapter because I just… really wanted to share it with the world, to have other people be rooting for these guys as hard as I did… and it sucks that I think this book only ended up finding maybe 0.1% of its potential audience.

But I am grateful for those of you who did find it. ❤️

Anyway. I also needed to show how Rei had changed, and I know some readers feel like I didn’t do enough here to show that he had also spent the past four years growing and becoming better. I… somewhat agree with that? By which I mean I DO think I show that he has changed enough to give them a better chance at being happy together, and I think there are some things that are just hard to show because we’re not in his POV (like, I think he’s probably going to therapy and working on processing his grief in a healthier way, but that’s not exactly something that Teru can physically SEE). At the same time, there was one thing in particular I didn’t do and wish I had.

Backtracking to what I DID do—the most obvious visible change is that he’s using a wheelchair. I intended this to be pretty major, seeing as in the LAST chapter he was in (even though it was four years ago in universe) he was actively refusing to do so despite being recently (re-)injured and really not able to walk. I also did make a point of having him stand later on just to make it 100% clear that this is a case of his attitude toward mobility aids and self care getting BETTER, not his physical condition getting WORSE… this is like a nice custom power chair too that he would’ve had to put some time and thought and money into ordering and having made… so it was SUPPOSED to physically show a very significant change in his outlook.

He’s also wearing a black wig here, but other than maybe just not wanting to stand out on this particular day (but then like, why play gorgeous theatrical metal piano in the middle of a giant shopping center?), I think it was just me realizing that I HAD THE CHANCE TO GIVE HIM A DIFFERENT HAIR COLOR EVERY SCEBE AND SHOULD HAVE TAKEN BETTER ADVANTAGE OF THAT. 😂

Later, when they embrace, Teru also noticed that he’s not QUITE as skinny as he used to be, and I’m not sure if this really gets across but THAT IS A GOOD THING. It’s also possibly just a “being 40” thing but… no. He’s EATING. Yay self care!

Anyway. There were other things I considered doing but ultimately decided against… like I mentioned before, I didn’t think it would be in character to make the choice to amputate his arm. But I really, REALLY regret that he’s still wearing the same mask in this scene.

So, this book actually had two literary agents… the first quit agenting before she could even try to sell it, but the second did send it out to publishing houses. But before he did that we edited it together, and one of the things I suggested was that Rei be wearing silicon prosthetics in this scene, instead of the mask. That when he looked up at Teru, at a glance his face would look PERFECT… but it wouldn’t quite be. Facial prosthetics look amazing in photos but they don’t MOVE, and they wouldn’t be an option for eyelids or lips, anything that pretty much moves all the time as a matter of course. So Teru would think, at a glance, that Rei had somehow “fixed” his face, but would realize very quickly that it was essentially a mask of another kind… and say something like, “You’re beautiful.”💕

My literary agent advised against that because he thought it was like… an easy fix, and wanted Rei to stay disfigured… but he WOULD have stayed disfigured. Silicon prosthetics are a real option that actually exists in the real world, unlike god-level plastic surgery… I know people who use them. I know they’re not perfect. And I really wish I’d kept that in. If I ever do write a sequel, I’m definitely going that route.

ANYWAY. Rei is kind of cold here at first… he keeps playing as Teru sings, but when Teru tries to talk to him he initially says “Don’t spoil it”… that seems kind of harsh, but I really think he just feels like music is still the way they connect on the purest level… and he doesn’t really want to have to talk about what he did four years ago.

They play “Sweet Goodbye,” which they’ve never actually performed together before, and then a fan requests “Yami no hanabira,” saying that their indie stuff was so epic…. But also really meaning that something has been missing without Rei.

Teru is probably being too generous when he says that what Rei did was both the cruelest and the kindest thing anyone has ever done to him. It was fucking awful. But I think he also realizes that, in Rei logic, it was a great act of kindness.

My very favorite line in the entire book is here: “What’s the point of writing anything if it isn’t, at least in some sense, true?”

I came back to this over and over and over again trying to edit, trying to sell, and eventually trying to self-publish this thing. It’s fiction, yes. But it’s also TRUE, like all the best stories are.

Teru mentions here that they sold out the Budokan, which is a real, famous venue in downtown Tokyo. It’s not the biggest possible venue to sell out (selling out Tokyo Dome, for example, is a much bigger numerical accomplishment) but the Budokan’s cultural history makes it a place that a lot of musicians aspire to. And Rei says, of course: “I know. I was there.” Because of COURSE he’s been following Teru’s career as a fan, from the shadows.

And then Teru suggests that they go get lunch, or dinner, or coffee or whatever, and offers to drive them in his car… now, I think it’s pretty clear that Rei’s wheelchair is not going to fit in Teru’s tiny little car… I think what ACTUALLY happens after this scene is that they go for coffee or something somewhere in walking distance, and once they start talking there’s just SO much to say that they go home together on the train, and Teru comes back the next day and eats the incredibly ridiculous parking costs. (I think Sunshine City is something like 20-30 dollars an hour if you don’t buy anything… but I DEFINITELY don’t drive in the middle of Tokyo so I’m not 100% sure. Expensive but worth it in this case, anyway.)

#the stars may rise and fall #annotated #phantom retelling #writing process #Book of my heart #13 years of blood sweat and years y��all

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ninjagirlstar5 · 9 months

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Protag Teruya AU - Mikado Sannoji FTE (Part 3)

Word count is 5,482!

AO3 Version

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5

Disclaimer: While Sannotori is problematic, it’s a thing in this AU/fic and the dynamic is not the same as it is in canon.

The Protag Teruya AU was inspired by @/anotherprofessional’s post! Beware of Void spoilers though!

Fic is under read more!

Teruya cracks his neck with a sigh, fatigue starting to settle into his body. Today had been a long day so far and it was tempting to spend the rest of the afternoon in his bed. However, he knew he couldn’t do that as he had already made plans and it’d be rude not to show up at this point. He’d be effectively canceling at the last minute.

He didn’t want to do that to Mikado.

So Teruya grabs a hold of the double doors to the library and pushes it open. The moment he steps in, he immediately sees Mikado waving at him from his seat at the round table. He seems pleased to see him.

“Otori-san! You came!” Mikado said, sounding much more cheerful than earlier. Teruya couldn’t help but smile. It seems like Mikado was changing his attitude around him. Or, at the very least, he wasn’t avoiding him anymore. “Come, take a seat. I think I’ve come up with a plan.”

“Oh yeah?” Teruya closes the door behind him. He takes a stool and scoots it closer to Mikado’s side of the table. “What do you have?”

“Well, the first thing I did was create a timetable for us. Take a look.” Mikado pulls out a notebook, the one Teruya gave to him, from his cape and shows it to him. It was turned into a timetable sort of calendar that is cut up into seven boxes for each day of the week with a dotted line representing what hour of the day each activity takes place. To Teruya’s surprise, though, there were only three sticky notes on the page, one for the morning meet-ups during breakfast, one for the evening meet-ups during dinner, and one for the study block. When he looks at Mikado with confusion, his mask smiles at him. “We’ve already set those meetings in stone at this point, and I have no good reason for us to simply ignore them. Being aware of how everyone is doing and what progress they made during their investigations is great. As for the study block…we will be figuring out what time works for you. Especially since you can’t spend all day studying in a situation like this.”

“Ah…makes sense. I don’t think I could spend so many hours studying anyways. I’d get bored eventually, that’s for sure.” Teruya said, checking the rest of the pages. They all had the same layout as the first timetable. “How did you get these so…perfect?”

“Magic.” Was Mikado’s automatic answer. He probably should’ve expected it was something like that. “As I was saying, since we’re in a killing game, it wouldn’t be smart to study all the time. We have to keep our guard up in case anything is a foul. And we should leave room for investigation or socializing, as you seem to enjoy spending time with the other students.” Teruya nods in agreement. While his investigations have grind to a halt due to a lack of progress, creating bonds with his classmates was vital if he wanted to keep the group together. So leaving some blanks in the plans would be best, as they can be used for breaks or if they needed some flexibility in case something were to change. “I plan to spend one day teaching you an investigative skill and then another one the next. We’ll rotate between skills as we progress.”

“Wait, back up. You plan to spend one day on one skill?” Teruya asked, staring at Mikado agape. “Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, stretch it to a week at least? I don’t think it’ll help if we try to cram it all into my head.”

“I don’t think that’s feasible for us, considering the situation.” Mikado explains, scratching the back of his head. “With the killing game looming over us all, there’s no telling when another class trial may happen. Or if something were to happen to us again.”

Teruya frowned.

He understood what Mikado was saying. Really.

He just…didn’t want to believe it.

He didn’t want it to happen again.

Something was nagging at the back of his head again. But it slips away before he could catch it, disappearing into the depths of his mind once more.

Teruya sighs.

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” He stares down at the timetable, his hands forming into tightly clenched fists. “I just…I won’t let that happen. As long as we’re together, nothing will happen.”

“...I’m sorry. It seems I’ve upset you.” Mikado said, putting his fingers near his mouth as his mask almost cried in exaggeration. Teruya immediately loosens up.

“No, no. It’s not your fault.” Teruya reassures, tapping his finger against the paper. “You’re going out of your way to help me and I appreciate it. I just don’t want another class trial to happen because…because that would be the real deal. The other one was with a fake body but…if this happens again, it means that someone in our group committed murder. It would mean that our classmate would die.”

And that would mean he had failed his group. It would mean he would lose a friend.

Teruya can’t let that happen.

Teruya refused to let that happen.

“I understand.” Mikado said, his words keeping him from getting lost in his thoughts again. His mask had gone back to normal with its wide grin. “I know it’ll seem like a lot, especially in one day. But since the killing game is threatening all of our lives, we’ll have to juggle all these lessons if we want you to improve overall. Especially when…or rather, if a class trial happens.” He then gestures to the timetable. “For now, I’ll need you to answer a few questions so we can finalize what may be the best way to help you learn and study.”

“Alright…” Teruya adjusts his sitting position. “Hit me.”

“Answer these three questions for me to the best of your ability.” Mikado starts, pulling out his handbook to take notes. Looks like he’s still sticking to the handbook. Oh well, they were kinda using the notebook for the timetable anyways. “Can you focus for long periods of time? What time of the day are you most productive? Do you need to take a break before returning to studying?” Teruya takes a moment to consider his answers.

“…I think it depends on what kind of subject it is. Math, I could probably do all day unless it’s geometry. But when I was trying to help you take notes with the whole brain biology thing, I barely lasted an hour through that. As for what time of day I’m most productive…” He pauses before shrugging. “Probably around noon? I’m a morning person but I don’t think a lot sinks into my head unless I’m really paying attention. And by the afternoon, I start to get a little tired. Not to the point that I can’t work but I start to feel…less productive, I guess? And I feel a lot more refreshed whenever I take a break.”

“I see.” Mikado types it all out. After a minute or two of typing, he turns his handbook around to show him what he’s outlined. “How does this look?”

[Lessons w/ Mikado]

12:30PM to 1:30PM

Fifteen minute break will be provided after twenty minutes of starting.

Teruya smiles.

“I like it! I think this could work.” Teruya said, pushing the handbook back to Mikado. The wizard seemed pleased, if the growing smile on his mask was any indication.

“Good. Oh, and if you ever want to move the studying to morning or the afternoon, let me know on the e-handbook+.” Mikado then taps away on his e-handbook+. “Since this is mostly your schedule, you should have the flexibility to decide what you want to do for each day of the week. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can skip out on these lessons. I won’t allow it.”

“I-I wouldn’t do that!” Teruya said, waving his hand to appease the wizard. Mikado huffs, crossing his arms. “I know just as well as you that I can’t slack off. Not with the way I floundered during that fake class trial.” He averts his gaze, barely catching Mikado’s relaxing shoulders out of the corner of his eyes.

“Well, we’ve developed a schedule and one that you can realistically achieve. So let’s review our goals for these lessons.” Mikado then shows his handbook to Teruya again. It was a brief explanation of their main goal and why they were doing this. “The goal of these studies is to improve your investigation skills. That way you will be more productive in case another class trial were to commence. Breaking it down, we will focus on one skill one day and then move onto another. If you need more time to improve on one of the skills and or we’ve gone through all the lessons once, we will simply cycle back to them. Is this making sense so far?”

“Yeah, I think it makes sense.” Teruya said, even if he felt a little apprehensive at the thought of them trying to speedrun through these lessons. But like Mikado said, the killing game wouldn’t wait for him until he’s ready. There’s no telling what will happen in the next few days, so he must improve as much as he can while he can.

“Good. I’m thinking of either giving you an assignment after each lesson to review how well you’re understanding it or having you study the lesson on your own time. I suggest an hour before bed as you’re more likely to retain information that way.” Mikado said, slowly tapping his fingers on top of his tablet. “I know you’re not a fan of studying. But it’s better if you form a habit of it so you'll be more obligated to do it as part of your routine.”

“A-Alright…” Teruya can feel his enthusiasm slipping. Mikado rolls his eyes – well, his real eye. His mask stayed the same.

“Relax. Even if this study plan isn’t working for you, we can always change or adjust it to your needs.” Mikado reassured, his voice calm but casual. He then lays his handbook down on the table. “Now that we have a study plan in mind, let us gauge what you already know so we can see what you need improvement on the most.”

“Oh, okay.” Teruya straightens his posture, trying to really focus now that they are getting into the actual lessons.

“What do you think is the most important aspect of investigators?” Mikado asked, immediately sending Teruya for a loop. It should be an easy question to answer but he was hesitant to say anything wrong. Teruya rubs his head to help him think.

“Uh…Intelligence?”

“Too broad.” Mikado’s answer was instant. He taps something on his handbook and Teruya shifts in his seat uncomfortably. “Be more specific.”

“Ummm…” He was drawing a blank even though he knew what an investigator was and what they do. “They, uh…solve cases…”

“How?” Mikado tilts his head at him. Teruya grit his teeth. Don’t panic. An investigator investigates the case to find evidence and to solve it. And Mikado is asking him how.

“...They…They solve problems. So…they…They have to think…critically. And be able to do problem-solving.” Teruya said, watching as the wizard nodded his head. He pauses, trying to think of anything else that could be related to an investigator. When he keeps drawing up a blank, Mikado speaks.

“It’s okay if you don’t know everything about investigating.” Mikado’s voice was gentle and reassuring. He folds his hands together. “The point of this is to see what you need to learn. Not to stress out over things you don’t know.” Teruya just groans and lays his head against the table.

“I know. I just…” He folds his hands over his head. “I feel like I should know this. That I’ve done this plenty of times before and yet…I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t. I…” He swallows. “Why can’t I do something as simple as this?”

It was silent between the two of them for a moment.

And then he felt another hand on top of his head.

Teruya looks up just enough to see Mikado petting his head. Soft and gentle, like he was trying to comfort him. Even his mask’s smile was smaller and tender.

“Yes, you can. You simply don’t have the confidence to back yourself up, Otori-san.” Mikado said, brushing his hair away from his face. “It’s okay if you need help. Even in a killing game like this, we can’t do everything on our own. Which means we must rely on others if we wish to get through this together. And investigators have talked with their co-workers to bounce ideas off of each other for cases. The class trial is a debate, after all.”

“Talking with co-workers, huh…” Teruya crosses his arms in front of his face and looks away. Mikado takes his hand off of his head. “...That woman, Rei Mekaru…She knew me. I don’t know what kind of relationship we had, but I…I think I looked up to her. Even when I was horrified and angry at her, a part of me felt happy to see her. Do you…think we worked together? Even though I’m just a high school student?”

“...This is supposed to be a Hope’s Peak school trip…if you ignored the killing part.” Mikado says, shrugging his shoulders. “You have to be the best of the best while being in high school. So it’s not uncommon for adults to work with Ultimates. However, we don’t know your talent as of right now, so it’s hard to say how you and Ms. Mekaru are related to each other.” He pauses and then looks down at his handbook. “Regardless, it’s apparent that she cared deeply for you.”

“Yeah…” Teruya didn’t know what else to say. He knew Rei Mekaru was a part of this…“Kisaragi Foundation” and is the Former Ultimate Professor according to the ID that was left behind. But that was all that he knew about her due to his amnesia. And he was left with nothing but vague feelings of care and grief after her death. “She seemed smart. I wonder if I can be a bit more like her.”

“While having an ideal to strive for is good, comparing yourself to others can drag down your self-esteem.” Mikado said, almost automatically with the lack of tone in his voice. He’s tapping away on his handbook again. “I suggest that you remind yourself of your good qualities every time you do that. After all, there may have been some things that Ms. Mekaru couldn’t do that you could do very well. And your improvement in investigation is the goal of these lessons. So don’t beat yourself up if you can’t answer correctly or are struggling to come up with one. Failure is a part of learning and it’ll be more rewarding when you succeed.”

“...I hope you’re right. About my good qualities, I mean. It’s hard to think of any when I feel like such a blank slate.” Teruya lifts his head off of the table. “And I don’t think math can be very useful.”

“Money.” Mikado deadpanned. “A.k.a. finance. Science, engineering, computer science…”

“Okay, okay.” Teruya chuckles, straightening his posture. The jab made him feel a little lighter and Mikado’s mask smiled. “You’ve made your point. I guess I just meant that math wouldn’t always relate to investigating, that’s all.”

“It could. It will depend on the case, but don’t rule out one of your skills just yet.” Mikado said, staring down at his handbook again. “Besides, going back to your answer, you did get at least two out of twelve skills right.”

“Two out of twelve?!” Teruya leans over to look at the tablet. “What were the other ones?”

“Here, let me list it out for you.” Mikado allows him a glimpse. “Curiosity, problem-solving, research skills, evidence collection, interviewing, report writing, critical thinking, honesty, flexibility, observation, courage and self-motivation. These are the skills that are common and useful for investigators, and you understand that critical thinking and problem-solving were part of it. Which makes sense if you think about it. Investigators pick up a case, think about the evidence and try to solve it. It seems quite simple by definition alone. ”

“...Not gonna lie, looking at this list makes it feel obvious.” Teruya said, feeling another jab of shame in his gut. Mikado seems to have sensed that and puts his hand on his shoulder. He sits back down at his seat. “...I’m not sure where to start.”

“Well, if you ask me, I think the ones you don’t need to work on too much are the following aspects.” Mikado taps on a pencil icon and circles the ones he thinks he does well. Honesty, courage and self-motivation. Teruya opens his mouth to speak but the wizard stops him with a raise of his hand. “Even if you don’t believe you have these traits, your actions speak louder than words. When you were scared for everyone and yourself, you still stepped up to check on me while I was down. You even protected Mr. Maeda against Mr. Hashimoto, and won. You’ve been putting all of your efforts into investigating the killing game and talking with everyone to figure out how to escape, or at least contact help. And while you haven’t made much headway, you still look into other ways to improve yourself. Like what we’re doing now.” The wizard runs his hand over the tablet. “...And like I said before, you’re sincere. That kind of honesty will allow you to bond with others easily and you’ve been trying to be fair in your leadership so far in the killing game. You may be lacking in some skills, but you are good at others.”

“I…see.” Teruya looked down at the table. He takes a deep breath and relaxes. “Yeah, okay. I think…I can agree with that.” He then yawns and stretches.

“...Perhaps it’s time we take a break.” Mikado puts his handbook away. “We may have not made much progress today, but understanding where to start is more important than diving right into things.”

“Do you think we can do something else, then?” Teruya asked. Mikado tilts his head at him, seemingly surprised at his suggestion. “The lessons are important and all. But I also want to have some fun with you too.”

“Oh…” He stares down at the table. Mikado rubs his hands together awkwardly before reaching into his cape. He pulls out a jigsaw puzzle box, with the image of a forest at night with a starry sky above on the front. “Then, why don’t we play this? It’ll help improve your mental speed and short-term memory.”

“Productive and fun.” Teruya agrees and Mikado opens the box and pours out the contents.

Neither of them bothered to bring up the idea of a timer. Teruya knew he didn’t want one because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Mikado. He didn’t know Mikado’s reason, but he had a feeling that he also wanted to hang out just a little longer. It made Teruya happy, knowing that the wizard wasn’t putting any effort in avoiding him again. They were simply spending as much time as they could putting the jigsaw puzzle together. While the picture itself wasn’t big, about a little less than medium size, it was still split up into tiny pieces. Hence why it was taking a long time to complete, despite there being two people.

“Hey…Mikado?” Teruya speaks up, breaking the silence between them. Mikado looks up from the puzzle piece he was staring at before tossing it into a pile that had the same color as it. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Hm…” Mikado finds two pieces of the puzzle and connects them together. “Depends on the question.”

“Okay…How about…What made you become the Ultimate Wizard?” Teruya asked. It was always a question he wanted an answer to. He’s pretty sure even before he had amnesia, he never saw magic before. Not like a stage magician that tricks the viewer's eyes to believe what they want to believe. But real, actual magic. But because he never heard of a magic user, it made him curious as to how Mikado became a wizard in the first place.

"Hm…" Mikado stares at the puzzle before them before setting the attached pieces next to another pile of the same state. “Why do you want to know?”

“Uh…because I want to get to know you?” Teruya said, scratching his cheek as he tested out a puzzle piece spot. It clicks perfectly into place and he searches for a new one. “You’ve been helping me a lot, and yet, you’ve been kind of…elusive. About your past, your talent…Even the way you interact with everyone has this sort of…distance.” He pauses. “...I’m not telling you to tell me everything. I just want to get to know you better.”

“...I see.” Mikado said, drumming his fingers on the table. He then shrugs. “I suppose I can tell you more about my talent. It’s only natural, since I am a Hope’s Peak student.” He puts his chin on top of his hand, making a puzzle piece float over to him lazily. “A lot of Ultimate students get their talent one way or another. Some had a mentor, some were simply gifted, some were simply obsessed with this one thing in their life, and some…were forced into their Ultimates.” The wizard holds the puzzle between his fingers, staring at it quietly. “Mine was…something of the latter.”

“O-Oh…really?” Teruya felt a little bit of awkwardness settle into his stomach. He did ask, but…he definitely didn’t expect that to be dropped on him. Mikado tilted his head at him and he was quick to clear his throat. “What…What happened?”

“Well, to clarify, no one forced me to become a wizard. It’s more like…the situation I was in was a bit…dire.” Mikado lifts his head off of his hand. “I did not…have anyone to rely on. I was all on my own, with nothing but the clothes on my back and the occasional generosity people tossed my way. It was a miracle that I had survived on my own for as long as I did without my magic. But alas, I did eventually have a string of bad luck. My stuff got stolen, I struggled to find shelter from the cold, and to top it all off, I got caught stealing and got beat up for it.”

“That…That’s horrible.” Teruya didn’t know what else to say. He never thought Mikado was homeless and lived out on the streets. With his polite manners and clean appearance, he didn’t come off as someone that slept in an alleyway. Even when he was constantly on guard, Teruya had brushed it off as a normal reaction to a killing game. But if this was something he’d been dealing with for awhile…

“Yes, it was…And I was quite certain that I was on my last legs when I had collapsed right outside a building. But…that was when I found it.” Mikado lifts up the puzzle piece to his eye. “I found a book. A book that I didn’t quite understand, not at first.”

“A book? Was…that how you got your magic?” Teruya asked, tilting his head. The mask grins as the wizard nods.

“Actually, yes. Even when I barely understood what I was doing, I knew one of the pages was about a fire. Desperate for some warmth, I followed the directions of the spell to the best of my ability and drew the spell in the snow. Before I knew it, a fire had appeared and I was able to stave off another cold day.” Mikado then slots the puzzle piece into place. “After that, I started dedicating all my time to that book, learning magic and using it to make my life just a little easier. If I never found that book by chance, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. And for that, I’m grateful for this gift of magic…” Mikado trails off as he grabs another puzzle piece. “Even if my reckless use of it grabbed unwanted attention.”

“Unwanted attention…?” Teruya’s mind goes back to the Uehara tower and Mikado’s brief mention of persecution. “Were people interested in your magic?”

“Mm…yes.” Mikado slides another puzzle piece in place. “Unfortunately, I was not careful the first few times I used my magic. People noticed, and they didn’t have any good intentions for me. After all, actual magic was practically unheard of until I started running around using it in public willy-nilly. So it’s only natural that people would want to use that for their own gain, regardless of how I felt about it. Some even tried to forcefully study me or kill me!”

“K-Kill you?! Why would they do that?” Teruya said, scattering a few puzzle pieces while trying to grab one. Mikado’s mask flattens its expression at the mess. He smiles sheepishly. “S-Sorry…It’s just…I can guess why people would want to study you but…kill you? Why?”

“To be frank with you, I don’t know.” Mikado picks up two puzzle pieces and tries to put them together. Unfortunately, they don’t fit and he has to put one in a pile instead. “Perhaps my ability to wield magic goes against their beliefs. Perhaps they wanted to steal the book from me without having to worry about me retaliating. Perhaps they were simply scared of my power.” Mikado then shrugs before putting the puzzle piece in the same pile. “Either way, I made sure that I never crossed paths with those kinds of people ever again. I hid myself away, making sure to never show my magic in public or at least, very subtly. But, as you can see, as the only person who seems to know and use magic in this world, I somehow got found by Hope’s Peak Academy and they sent me a letter promising shelter.” Mikado huffs as he crosses his arms. “Now I know I was foolish to accept it.”

“Wait, you needed shelter? I mean, I know you mentioned not being able to make money through magic but…” Teruya scratches his head as he stares at the random puzzle piece in his hand.

“Like I said, I needed to keep my magic on the downlow. Any displays of it, even when I’m alone, could attract attention and that may lead to other trouble. And…let me put it this way: even magic has its own set of rules. I can’t just make food out of thin air or create a rooftop over my head forever. Magic requires energy from my own body, and even then, certain spells need materials from the environment.” Mikado explains, picking up a new puzzle piece. “As convenient as magic was, sometimes it requires too much effort and I had to look for alternative ways to sustain my life. Which is why I ended up accepting Hope’s Peak Academy’s letter, even if I did feel uneasy about it. Besides, they were giving me the option to turn them down, which is leagues better than the other people who have tried to force me into a ‘friendly’ study.”

“Sounds like the bar is in hell…” Teruya mutters before finally finding the correct spot for the puzzle piece in his hand and puts it in place. “But I guess even magic can’t fix everything.”

“Magic, like any other talent, requires plenty of studying and training. And since I didn’t have a mentor, that book was all I could learn from. Everything else was trial and error.” Mikado said, putting the next puzzle piece in place. “I’m quite talented at what I do as a self-taught wizard, to the point that I don’t even need the book anymore. But even I don’t know everything about it. But I wish to continue my studies on it soon. It’s quite fascinating…!” He pauses before slumping over. “Too bad I ended up here instead. What a mess.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get out of here soon. Ideally, with no one else dying…” Teruya said, trying to keep his optimism up. Even as Rei Mekaru’s body flashes through his mind, he pushes it down to focus on their goals. They just needed a bit more time to find a way out of here…

“Speaking of which…” Mikado glances at the clock. “It’s almost time for dinner.”

“Already?” Teruya checks his watch. Like Mikado said, it was nearing dinner time, the time where everyone would meet up and discuss their ideas and results of their investigation. “Damn, I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

“Perhaps we should shelve the rest of this puzzle for next time. I underestimated how much time we would need.” Mikado said, before carefully levitating what was completed of the jigsaw puzzle into the box without breaking it apart. “We can always finish it tomorrow.”

“Agreed.” Teruya stretches as he ignores the nagging feeling in his gut. They moved the rest of the puzzle piece piles into the box before sealing it up. Mikado carefully puts the box away in his cape and then clears his throat.

“Before we split off, I’d best give you your assignment. Nothing too serious but something to think about for tonight.” Mikado adjusts his cape as he stands up from the table. Teruya hesitates before standing up as well.

“Okay, but I want to give you something before we part ways too.” Teruya said, already sliding his backpack off of his shoulder. Mikado tilts his head in curiosity as he digs into his backpack. He ends up pulling out a drink called Hot Seven that he had planned to try out later. But before he could decide on whether or not to keep it, Mikado had already taken the drink from his hand. “Oh, uh…do you like that drink?”

“I’ve used it once or twice while doing some late night work or studying.” Mikado admits, putting the drink away in his cape. Teruya just nods his head.

“O-Okay. If that’s what you want. Oh, but try not to overdo it with the energy drink. Your health might deteriorate if you consume it too much.” Teruya advised upon feeling another wave of information flow through his head again. He pauses upon realizing the useless trivia coming back to his mind and he groans. “Out of all the things I can remember, why this?”

“Haha, I’m afraid we can’t be picky on what we remember…or forget.” Mikado said, chuckling to himself. It sounds a little…sad. A feeling he related to very well. He clears his throat and rubs his hands together. “Thank you for the gift. As for your assignment tonight…I want you to reflect. Ask questions. About yourself, about the situation, anything. Get used to asking ‘Why?’ It doesn’t matter if you feel that those questions are ‘dumb’ because there is no such thing. You’ll only remain ignorant if you’re too scared to ask. And if writing down your questions helps you think and develop your curiosity, do so.”

“Alright…I, uh, think I can do that.” Teruya said. He wasn’t sure if he should be answering…hold on. “Should I answer my own questions?”

“Of course. Even if you don’t have concrete answers, it’s okay to list out any ideas you may have to your questions. It should help you develop your critical thinking skills as well. Just make sure you’re open to any and all possibilities. Stubbornly sticking to one answer because it’d be easier for your heart would only be denying reality.” Mikado’s mask smiles at him and Teruya nods his head. The wizard lifts his cape. “I will see you at dinner, then?”

“Yeah…See you later.” Teruya waves goodbye and Mikado teleports away. With nothing else to do here, he leaves the library.

…Mikado’s life had a lot more strife in it than he thought. Just how much of a struggle was it for him to survive? How far did he have to go?

How long had he been…alone?

Teruya takes a deep breath.

He didn’t know how he could help Mikado. There seems to be a wall of sorts that he keeps around other people. But he was opening up, slowly. Even if it was only for him, he seems to trust him enough to talk about his past. And Teruya can’t help but feel a little giddy about that.

He hopes he can help out Mikado. Help him open up a little more and make friends with everyone here.

And maybe, just maybe, he can learn to be a better investigator.

Your relationship rank with Mikado Sannoji has risen from 2 to 3!

Mikado Sannoji’s information has been recorded in the e-Handbook+’s profile page.

#SDRA2 #Super Danganronpa Another 2 #Protag Teruya AU #Teruya Otori #Mikado Sannoji #SDRA2 Spoilers #Sannotori #Terukado

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the-writers-bookshelf · 2 years

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Hoi! I've been on holiday to Edinburgh the past week, right after I finished part three!!!! So I've been mostly outlining part four. It's set to be an 88 chapter monster, because the heaviest parts happen in this one, and I've had an entire year to come up with ideas for it.

My story essentially has two antagonists. An actual person, and trauma. Part four is where the first of those two gets defeated, but there's a lot of build-up to that.

Anyway, the 1 year anniversary of my WIP is in a week or two, so I wanted to share a bit from the first version of my first chapter, and a recent rewritten version of a few lines because I feel like both my English and my writing skills have improved a lot in the past year.

First version of the first few paragraphs:

There was a faint rumble behind Thomas. It reminded him of how the walls moved in the Maze during the night. The rumbles weren’t entirely the same, though. In the Maze they were strict, almost rhythmic. Repeating a pattern throughout the week. These were chaotic, all around and everywhere. They switched places. It was one side, then the other. Straight behind, even below him things trembled.

Near him sounded a voice. A shaky one, almost worried. Another, tenser tone cut through it.

He looked out at a concrete wall covered by dark shelves, broken up by a desk. He couldn’t read any of the titles. They blurred, and danced around the room. He lied down on something soft, but it felt cold under his fingers.

His left shoulder stung. Burned, from the inside outward.

Newt. The knife. Brenda. Where was he?

He killed him. He should have taken that knife, he killed him.

Something pressed against his arm. He turned his head and found Teresa holding a white patch over the syringe she pulled out of his arm. Her eyes grew wide. She held her breath and turned away, without a word.

Second (it's longer because Thomas wakes up from being drugged, so I wanted to highlight a certain slowness and numbness. Things clear up right after this bit):

The world rumbled and trembled. Faint and seemingly far away, but no less dooming to the world’s Last City. It reminded Thomas of the sheer violence with which the Maze’s walls moved at night. In the few nights he spent there, they had turned to sounds he could never forget, but always distinguish. These rumbles weren’t like that. Where the Maze’s where rhythmic, these screamed chaos. Explosions shook the windows left and right, no strategy behind them other than hit what you can.

A shaky voice brought him closer to the present. It had an edge of worry to it, relentlessly cut down by a much tenser one.

He opened his eyes and found a concrete wall on his side, hidden by dark bookshelves. On the books’ spines, letters blurred and danced around as Thomas’s mind crawled closer to consciousness. A desk broke up the shelves, littered with notes, spreadsheets and files, red and blue samples of blood and serum.

An intense sting in the flesh of his shoulder pulled him back to the past. The knife, warmed up by his touch as well as Newt’s still felt present in his hand. The pain crawled out of his shoulder and inflamed the skin around it. While his gaze shifted to the ceiling, he still stared into Brenda’s eyes like he’d never walked away. Like he hadn’t yet left the moment he gave up and lost. Maybe he hadn’t.

He killed him.

And then he walked away.

He combed through his slowed mind for answers, and explanation, but nothing in the world would come into focus. Not until a soft touch failed to cover up a sharp pinch in his elbow. Teresa’s eyes grew wide above him as she pulled a blood-filled syringe from his arm. She breathed in as if she would talk. Explain.

Yet, she turned away without a single word.

(I'm so jealous you visited Edinburgh btw! I was supposed to go in May 2020 and those plans obvs blew up in the worst possible way 🤪)

Congratulations on finishing part three!!! That's WONDERFUL!!!

88 CHAPTERS??? FOR THE NEXT PART ALONE??????

....i think i just blacked out for a second holy hell you're the energizer bunny!

Your writing is SO CLEAR and crisp!!! It reads so smoothly, sucking the reader in immediately!!! FANTASTIC job!!!

#asks #fab friday writers #pathsofoak

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ignitedbynatsu · 3 years

Text

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Natsu

A/N: Woowie it has been a while hasn’t it 😅 Writers block can be a bitch but I think I have a few more ideas for the other boys. Let me know who you want me to write for next!!

warnings: insecurities (he makes you feel like you feel like your magic isn’t compatible, cursing

genre: angst to fluff

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting ~ Rogue

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Tension had been running high for Natsu when his fire attacks had been cancelled one after the other by the wind magic user, but when you were the one that accidentally nullified his attack with your water magic, that’s when he completely snapped.

You had taken note of the rising irritation in your boyfriend's behaviour, and you thought that he hadn’t noticed the attack coming his way so in the heat of the moment you decided to step in. As a result, your water extinguished his flames and you both could dodge his attack your opponent’s attack just in time.

“Natsu, I’m so sorry-“ “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You were a bit taken back by his sudden tone as he had never yelled at you before. He took notice of your sudden state of shock, but that wasn’t enough to prevent the vicious word from coming from his mouth “Why the fuck did you think that was a good idea? Don’t you see that you’re a nuisance to me? All you do is fuck up my fire and get in my way. I don’t want your magic near me, can you get that through your thick skull?”

“Natsu!” Erza called out to the stressed fire dragon slayer “This is not the time nor the place”

“I won’t get in your way next time” You whispered before heading over to help Lucy with her opponent.

After a while, you overpowered your foes and were now on a train making your way back to Magnolia. You sat next to Lucy, while Carla and Wendy were seated in front of you. Natsu, Gray, Erza and Happy were seated in the boot next to yours.

“(Y/N)” Natsu whined “I’m dying, please help me” You usually summoned some water in the palm of your hand and let it softly swirl against his forehead. For some reason, it helped with the nauseous feeling, and you were about to give in until you realized his words from earlier. He wanted your magic nowhere near him. What if you somehow fucked up and splashed water all over him. You did not want to be yelled at again.

“Tell Natsu I’m asleep or something” You mumbled lowly, so only Lucy could hear, while you laid your head on her shoulder. She gave you a sad smile, knowing the outburst was still fresh on your mind. She complied, making Natsu groan in response but eventually gave up. He didn’t look too much in it as he knew how tired you could get from these jobs.

Once out of the train, you didn’t spare Natsu a second look. You walked in front of everyone, but Erza quickly caught up to walk next to you, while the other looked after the two Dragon Slayers that were still feeling a bit nauseous from the train ride “Are you okay?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” You asked.

Erza clicked her tongue as she looked at you from the corner of her eyes, absolutely not believing the lie that just fell from your tongue “Natsu was way out of line”

“He was just stressed, it can happen to the best of us” You shrugged it off, hoping that if you treated it lightly it wouldn’t weight down later in your mind.

“Still not an excuse to work it out on you” She pointed out.

“I know, thank you for caring, but really Erza, I promise I’m okay.” You gave her a small genuine smile which she returned.

You didn’t return to the guild as the others did, instead, you went home, telling the others you were too tired from the mission to deal with the shenanigans from Fairy Tail. Natsu offered to walk you home, but you kindly denied it, leaving him a bit confused. He realized he should probably give you some space since he lashed out at you. He made a mental note to apologize next thing in the morning when he’d see you.

“(Y/N)! Baby!” Natsu ran over to you and hugged you tightly while spinning you around making you squeal in surprise “put me down, Natsu”

“Only if you forgive me for what happened yesterday,” he said.

“I forgive you. You were stressed, I get it, it’s no big deal” You forgave him.

“I knew you’d understand, you’re the best” He kissed your cheek as he placed you back on your feet “anyway Happy and I found this job and-“

“I think I’m gonna take a day off, still feel a little tired from yesterday, you can go, though, have fun” you cut him off before he could fully explain the mission.

“Alright, make sure you take care of yourself today! I’ll be home as soon as I can, so we can cuddle” He kissed your forehead before turning to the Exceed “Let’s go Happy! Let’s go ask if Lucy wants to join”

That’s how the following weeks went. You always found an excuse to not join Natsu and Happy on the job. Sure you had forgiven him for his outburst since he was under a lot of stress. He shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but you also knew it could happen to the best of us when you’ve hit your limit. However, you couldn’t help but see some truth in his words.

Your magic was not compatible and made you doubt yourself. You associated yourself strongly with your magic, as every wizard did, so I made you think if you and Natsu were suited for each other. After all, that was one of the many reasons why Natsu and Gray shared such a peculiar friendship.

You had often heard of the saying that opposites attracted, but nothing could be further from the truth. The human race is a narcissistic species and wants nothing more than finding themselves in their significant others. Huge differences might be exciting and fun at first but are bound to break in the long run.

“(Y/N), you wanna go on a mission with us?” Natsu asked as you stood in front of the board with job applications.

“Can’t, I promised Gajeel I-“ You started to explain but cut yourself off when Natsu threw you over his shoulder “Natsu! Let me go! Natsu!”

“No we need to talk,” He said in a serious tone, making you stop struggling against his grip and let him take you outside, so you could talk in private.

“What do you wanna talk about?” You asked softly as you took notice of the sincere expression on his face.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked as his black orbs were searching for answers in your eyes.

“I am not” you deflected his question, but you breaking eye contact as soon as the words past your lips proved you were lying.

“Ever since that day I lashed out at you, you haven’t gone on a mission with me” He pressed.

“That’s not true” you denied once again which made him frown. Why were you dishonest with him?

“Okay, when was the last time we went on a job together?” He asked. Your silence was a clear answer and you both knew it. Your gaze averted to the ground, but he refused to let you shy away from him as he placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head back up until your eyes meet once again. His hand softly from underneath your chin to lay on your cheek “are you still upset with me?”

Your heart shattered at how vulnerable he was right now. His playful antics long replaced by guilt that had been slowly eating away at him for the past days. “No, of course not”

“Then please tell me what I did wrong. I can’t stand the thought of me deliberately hurting you. Please tell me what’s troubling you, so I can fix it” He pleaded.

“Do you-“ You paused to collect your thoughts “do you think we’re right for each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“That day you said my magic was a nuisance. It got me thinking and you were right. You have to evade my magic so often, and it's all because it isn’t compatible with one another. I just didn’t want to be more of a hinder than I already was, that’s why I started to join others on their jobs just so I wouldn’t mess up yours. I just sometimes wonder if my magic isn’t the only thing that isn’t compatible with you.” You frowned as you hear yourself your insecurities out loud.

“Hey, no, stop. What I said that day was completely out of line. I took my frustration and took them out on you and I shouldn’t have. I have no excuse for how I acted that day. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m sorry for making you feel bad. So what if we’re a little different. I thought you always liked a good challenge?” He apologized.

“Sure I like the thrill of our relationship, but it doesn’t take away from the fact our magic isn’t suitable for one another. I just think we’re setting ourselves up for failure. A challenge is fun for a little while but we both know that stability is what you need if you want a relationship to survive in the long run” You explained.

“Then we’ll defy those odds. I’ll show everyone and especially you that you don’t need something like psychology to prove if a relationship will work or not. Please let me prove to you how much I can love you and let me prove to you that I’ll eventually become that stability you crave.” He vowed. “I always thought you weren’t one to be quick on giving up when things get rough”

“I’m not, I just don’t want to put my heart out there if I know from the start it’ll only get broken” You uttered somberly.

“I promise you it won’t. I’ll love you with every fiber in my body until the day I die. I will never make you doubt yourself or our relationship again” He told you, sincerity audible in his voice.

You smiled softly at him as your arms sneaked around his waist while your head laid on his chest. His arms immediately reacted at your touch, shielding you away from the world as his lips planted a soft kiss on your head “I love you”

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justsomeectoplasm · 3 years

Photo

Some more Resh content for ya’ll

A very rough and heavily refrenced full body of my version of Resh and a few lines I think he would say. I still stand by my headcannon that his voice would sound like scar from the animated movie of The Lion king.

Anyway, backstory, notes and stuff under the cut (Watch out, it’s very long and very messy. Tumblr fucked up the formatting a bit.)

·Alef was considered a blessing.

A child of light that fell from the sky could be nothing more than a sign from Megabird themselves

He was hidden by his mother who found him as she was stargazing and was later revealed by accident. The civilisation decided that he needed to be presented to the elders.

After that, Alef’s existence was made known by the elders, who elevated him to a royal status. They believed that this was Megabird’s gift for them: A future king to help rule the kingdom. He was dubbed prince and the elders had decided to prepare him to become a king.

·It was…stressful. There were so many expectations placed on him and he excelled in nearly every challenged he was given, but he was still considered not good enough by the elders who gave him a royal status in the first place.

One day, Alef had enough and set out to proof to the others that he is worthy of the title of king. And he did.

On his journey, Alef discovered dark stones. A creation that, if combined with light, could produce energy that will become the basis of most advanced technology.

Finally, the elders acknowledged his efforts. As a final test, Alef was sent to complete the four trials. He completed every single one and was crowned king when he was but a teenager.

The first few years of his ruling went great. Civilisation was growing and he was an excellent king.

But doubts started to rise when some of Alef’s citizens were questioning his creation. Those doubts grew into questioning if Alef was a good ruler to begin with. There were even attempts of overthrowing his rule by small rebel groups

Alef snapped. He finally had his title of king right in the palm of his hand, and it was slipping away through his fingers.

·He changed. He morphed his body into a hollow husk filled with darkness to seem more intimidating and he changed his name to Resh, a name he thought was befitting of his title as king.

Resh started to mass produce his dark stones, going as far as killing off light creatures to harvest their light. He even morphed some of them into creatures of unspeakable terror, never to change back again.

He was unstoppable. He ruled the kingdom with an iron fist and he was quite terrifying. His rise to power was his greatest achievement.

Unfortunately, it was also his downfall.

How the eden castle works.

So, most of the castle is gone. This was due to the darkness taking over. There only remains a few rooms and areas, and those are:

o The royal garden

o The throne room

o The chambers

o The court

o And finally, the Royal library.

Resh changes when he exits the castle. He becomes more monstrous and disturbing.

There are still some spirits working around the castle. Although, you can’t relive their memories. They do strangely treat skykids as royalty though. I wonder why….

·Resh’s pets and creations are also more active at the bottom of the castle. Although, I wouldn’t recommend meeting them…

Resh’s personality

Resh is an….unstable man.

One moment he’s quiet and brooding over small things and the next he’s on a rampage destroying what’s left of the castle.

The solitude and the guilt of his actions is driving him insane. It doesn’t help that he sometimes sees a child of light dying in stormlock. (His main balcony from his throne room overlooks it)

Don’t think that he’s a lonely soul that lives in his castle though. He has a sadistic side to him that he picked up in his ruling and he likes to toy with others. His favourite victims are ones who claim to worship and serve him (He finds their devotion to him interesting and foolish.) He’s also rather sly and selfish.

His memory is foggy and he struggles to remember names of certain people in his life. He even forgot about his own mother’s face, how tragic.

· Resh is pessimistic and he rarely smiles.

·And sometimes you’ll see it. That little child that fell from the sky. Whether it’s the glint in his eyes or the way he fondly smiles at the pictures of his past that he stored away in the library. He’s still a child, underneath all that darkness.

Extra details (Such as design notes and other stuff)

Resh cries a black substance sometimes. This is a symptom of darkness when he rid his body of all light.

His favourite flower is a white everlily, a complex flower that often represents both royalty and death. He ordered that his garden would be filled with it.

He despises those who come to him to seek more darkness. He sees them as part of his mistake and thus, without even a hint of hesitation, yeets them off his castle.

I originally planned him to have earrings and he was supposed to be faceless. His head would form crown-like horns, similar to the one pale king from hollow knight has. But I dropped the idea and chose a simpler crown design. I dropped the earrings since the crown took up 90% of the rendering.

His body is like a full armour set and it sounds like it’s being held together by rubber bands. Every time he moves you hear snapping and creaking noises. He’s menacing af and he moves swiftly. But sometimes he struggles against the weight.

#sky children of the light #sky cotl #that sky game #art #my art #resh #sky: children of the light #An hour worth of writing was put into this #i'm gonna go sleep now

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boykingdom · 3 years

Text

Dean doesn’t have to drive far before he finds Cas. He’d had a hunch Cas might be waiting for him no matter the direction he went, but still he can’t help the sigh of relief he lets out when he sees the slump of Cas’ shoulders among the trees.

He doesn’t have to walk far, either, once he’s pulled the Impala into the grass beside the road and let the metal door shut behind him with a creak. He’s in the forest after a few paces—it’s a pretty forest, all green and overgrown, the tan of Cas’ coat standing out purely for its dullness. Cas’ back is to him and he’s looking down at something, hands in his pockets, but the rigidity with which he holds himself gives away his awareness of Dean’s presence. Cas won’t turn toward him but will angle his head so Dean can see the sharp line of his cheekbone, like he’s any sort of thing that would need ears to gauge how close Dean is.

Dean has half a mind to hesitate, to stop and take a deep breath and collect his thoughts or something, but he’s so fucking tired of not being near Cas and of schooling how much he gives away to Cas in every conversation that he walks up so their shoulders are inches apart and he doesn’t think twice about it. He looks down to take in what Cas is looking at and finds a small pond with a few muddy-gray fish scooting their bellies across the silt. Dean thinks Cas might be gearing up for a speech about the fish and creation and humanity, something nice and cinematic to bookend their journey, but instead Cas says, “Hello, Dean.”

That works, too. At least Dean knows how to respond to that one. “Heya, Cas.”

They’re silent for a second.

“Sam?” says Cas.

“Went off to the Roadhouse. Wanted to see Bobby and Ellen and Jo,” says Dean. “But you knew that already.”

“Mm. I did.”

They both watch the fish drift. One comes close enough to the surface to form gentle ripples in the water.

Then Dean is smiling, because he can see Cas out of the corner of his eye, see the way he shifts and fidgets and is so clearly also looking at Dean out of the corner of his own eye. It occurs to Dean that Cas is nervous—that after everything they’ve been through, after the end of the world, after Cas’ big sacrifice, this angel of the Lord is nervous to speak to his best friend of twelve years. Dean can’t help but take the opportunity to tease him.

“What, did you think we’d never talk about it?”

A pause. Cas half-grumbles, “I thought I’d have a few decades to prepare something to say.”

And then Dean is laughing and laughing and bent over double with it because this whole thing is so fucking absurd and he’s so happy to be standing here next to Cas, weird and awkward Cas who pulled him out of Hell and told Dean he was in love with him just months ago. Cas who he thought he had lost forever. Dean laughs so hard he cries and then he—he cries, and cries, and he’s not laughing anymore. It happens fast and hard. Cas finally turns to him, eyes wide and hands suspended in front of him like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to touch. Dean’s sniveling and holding his jacket sleeve under his nose so his face doesn’t get all snotty but he probably looks fucking gross anyway, the way the tears won’t stop coming. Cas says, “Dean?” all worried and concerned. Dean practically falls forward into him, wraps his arms around Cas’ waist to clutch at the back of his coat and shakes when Cas immediately holds him in return.

“I missed you so bad,” Dean sobs into Cas’ shoulder. “I missed you so bad. I thought I would never see you again. I missed you so bad.”

“Oh,” Cas breathes. “I’m here. It’s okay. I’m right here.” Cas hugs him tighter, leaving no spaces between their bodies. His voice breaks a little when he says, “I missed you, too.”

They stand like that for a moment. The forest buzzes around them, twiddling with birds and squirrels and insects. Dean breathes Cas in, feels him warm and safe and real in his arms. It’s a small piece of Earth here in Heaven. Unlike any other time before, Dean lets himself lean into it, touch Cas without Death looming over their shoulders. It feels good.

Dean does calm down after a few minutes, and as much as he would love to freeze time and stay suspended in that moment, he knows he can have even more if he gives it one last push. He pulls away, Cas’ hands sliding off his coat, lingering. “Sorry,” he says, a little embarrassed despite himself.

“Don’t be,” says Cas, in a way a that shows he really means it. Dean clears his throat and looks at him. Cas looks back. The whole thing is so achingly familiar, so akin to how they were when they first met. Even when Cas was alien and unknowable and potentially a threat, Dean always had to stifle the breathless thrill of having Cas’ attention. He doesn’t stifle it now.

He hasn’t quite internalized all the things Cas said to him, but he can see Cas was telling the truth about one thing—he is clearly so happy to be standing at the edge of this pond with Dean. Nothing in his gaze is asking for something more.

And as much as Cas would argue differently, Dean isn’t as good as him. He was never content just wanting. He had long ago accepted that he could never have Cas, sure, had recognized that he would spend the rest of his life with a horrible ache in his chest, that he would white-knuckle the wheel of the Impala to keep himself from touching. But he couldn’t find peace with it. Love rotted in him like a body at the bottom of a well. He spent a long time thinking it would kill him and kill Cas too, that it was a weapon to be used against them both, that the heat of his gaze would actually burn Cas if he looked long enough. He still has to choke down those half-formed thoughts when he looks at Cas now and can see in his eyes that he loves Dean without reservation, that despite everything he doesn’t think of Dean’s love as a death sentence. That he wants him.

Dean’s mind was made up the second Bobby had mentioned Cas’ name on the porch. It took him too long to untangle that part of himself that couldn’t separate loving men from danger, but he did untangle it, in the end.

“I know I can do it,” Dean says, both to Cas and to himself, “but I think it might be hard.”

Cas’ brow flickers in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“This,” he answers, gesturing lamely at the two of them, at the space between them. He swallows, steels himself, thinks of all the words he spent the nights since Cas died murmuring into his pillow, deliriously drunk. “I don’t know— I don’t know how to be this to someone— to you. I’ve never— and you’re—”

He’s getting frustrated, is upset that after thinking so long and hard about this moment for so many years he somehow still doesn’t know how to explain to Cas how much he means to him, how much he wants him, how hard it is to beat down his self-hatred and accept that he might just deserve Cas, too. But Christ, he wants to try.

“Dean?” Cas says. Dean can see in his expression the flowering bud of hope. He is so beautiful.

“I love you too,” Dean says, because it’s the best explanation he can give. His heart is beating so hard he can feel it in his throat. Cas blinks; his mouth drops open. “God, Cas, you have to know that. Of course I love you too.”

“You mean...?” Cas can’t finish the question. He’s looking at Dean like a man finding faith, finding Heaven. Dean feels so overwhelmed and so happy for the two of them and surely he’s still red from crying before, but again he feels himself burning.

“I’ve been yours,” he chokes out. “You can have me. Please.”

Cas kisses Dean. It happens so fast that Dean feels it coming rather than sees it, feels Cas’ hands on his face, feels himself be tugged forward. Cas’ hands are shaking and Dean’s are too when he grips the front of Cas’ shirt and the back of his neck, eyes closed tight, learning the shape of his mouth. It’s hard and a little desperate and not at all artful, and Dean’s whole self feels a bit like an open wound but Cas is healing him, like he always has, like he has since the beginning.

Dean pulls away for air but doesn’t pull far, keeping his forehead pressed to Cas’ and his eyes shut. Cas’ thumb strokes his cheekbone. “Dean,” Cas says, and Dean takes a deep, shuddering breath. The way Cas says his name doesn’t scare him anymore.

Dean opens his eyes. He smiles. “Hi,” he says.

Cas smiles back.

They’re sitting in the Impala, Dean’s hand on Cas’ thigh, when Cas asks, “What do you want to do now?”

Dean pauses, thinks. The answer to what do you want has been Cas for so long, but he never let himself think far enough to decide what he would do if he ever got him. He’s safe, Cas is safe, Sam is safe. Realistically, he shouldn’t want for anything.

He looks out the Impala’s windshield, smooths the hand not holding Cas over the steering wheel. He knows that he loves this car with everything he is—that for a long time it was the only home he had. He also knows that he’s tired of the road. Desire has always come too easily to Dean.

“I think I’ll build us a house,” he answers, and immediately he knows it’s the right thing to do. They can pick a spot wherever Cas wants—Dean’s not picky. It’ll be something solid, something with walls that he built with trees he cut himself. Something that reflects the home he already built for Cas, the one that lives between his ribs.

Cas’ eyes light up. “I like that plan,” he says. “I want that, too.”

Years ago, Cas had sat in Dean’s passenger seat and asked him if he would rather have peace or freedom. Dean never got the chance to answer him.

Dean leans across the seat and kisses Cas again, open-mouthed, slow. He does it for him now and for the version of himself who mourned the distance between them. It’s answer enough.

#spn #supernatural #deancas #destiel #15x20 coda #i know the finale happened so long ago and also isn't real but i had to try my hand #i'll reblog this when the europeans wake up 🏃‍♀️#my fanfiction

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pikahlua · 2 years

Text

MHA Chapter 345 spoilers translations

This week’s initial tentative super rough/literal translations under the cut.

tagline 第二次決戦激化！だいにじけっせんげきか！ daini jikessen gekika! The second next decisive war intensifies!

1 檻が動いてる⁉︎ おりがうごいてる⁉︎ ori ga ugoiteru!? "The cages are moving!?"

2 こんなもので俺たちを封じたつもりか⁉︎ こんなものでおれたちをふうじたつもりか⁉︎ konna mono de ore-tachi wo fuujita tsumori ka!? "Are they planning to seal us with something like this!?"

chapter title No.345 DIVISION ナンバー345 ディヴィジョン NANBAA 345 DIVIJON No. 345 DIVISION

3 壊してこわして kowashite "Break it"

4 早くはやく hayaku "Hurry"

1 こんな檻ぃイこんなおりぃイ konna oriii "This sort of cage"

2 三秒も保たねぇよ！さんびょうももたねぇよ！ sanbyou mo motanee yo! "won't last for even three seconds!"

3 その三秒がそのさんびょうが sono sanbyou ga "Those three seconds"

4 欲しかった！ほしかった！ hoshikatta! "are what we wanted!"

1 動きを制限しうごきをせいげんし ugoki wo seigen shi Restrict their movement and

2 小分けに分割するこわけにぶんかつする kowake ni bunkatsu suru divide into small groups.

3 デク‼︎ DEKU!! "Deku!!"

4 秒間の先手‼︎ びょうかんのせんて‼︎ byoukan no sente!! Strike first in those seconds!!

5 うん‼︎ un!! "Yeah!!"

6 全てはすべては subete wa It's all so that

1 お前たちに同時にワープゲートを潜らせおまえたちにどうじにワープゲートをくぐらせ omae-tachi ni douji ni WAAPU GEETO wo kugurase we will make you all pass through the Warp Gate at the same time

2 確実に分断する為‼︎ かくじつにぶんだんするため︎‼︎ kakujitsu ni bundan suru tame!! in order to be certain to divide you!!

3 ハハハ HAHAHA "HAHAHA"

4 フィィクサァア‼︎ FIIKUSAAA!! "Fixer!!" (Note: This is the word other translators choose to put as "puppet master/man behind the curtain.")

5 馬鹿げている…！ばかげている…！ bakageteiru...! "Ridiculous...!"

6 この為だけにいくらつぎこんだ拝金主義者め！このためだけにいくらつぎこんだはいきんしゅぎしゃめ！ kono tame dake ni ikura tsugikonda haikin shugisha-me! "How much you money-worshipers must have put in just for this!"

7 どうだ‼︎ dou da!! "How's that!!"

8 「崩壊」対策もしてるっていう話だぜ‼︎ 「ほうかい」たいさくもしてるっていうはなしだぜ‼︎ 「houkai」 taisaku mo shiteru tte iu hanashi da ze!! "We're telling you this is also our measure for countering Decay!!"

9 ノコノコ現れたお前たちをーーノコノコあらわれたおまえたちをーー NOKONOKO arawareta omae-tachi wo-- "You who all brazenly appeared [here]--"

10 散り散りにしてやるぜちりぢりにしてやるぜ chiridjiri ni shite yaru ze "we will scatter you"

1 だらあああ‼︎ daraaaa!! "Mediocre!!" (Note: Yes, I'm meme-ing here, but this is pretty slangy anyways so sue me! :P)

2 いけるぞぶち込めぇ!!! いけるぞぶちこめぇ!!! ikeru zo buchikomee!!! "Here we go, drive them in!!!"

3 何… なに… nani... "What..."

4 は⁉︎ ha!? "Huh!?"

1 ファット‼︎取り溢した者を捕らえろ！指揮を取れ！ファット‼︎とりこぼしたものをとらえろ！しきをとれ！ Fatto!! torikoboshita mono wo toraero! shiki wo tore! "Fat!! Catch any stragglers! You're in command!"

2 青山少年を頼んだぞ‼︎ あおやましょうねんをたのんだぞ‼︎ Aoyama-shounen wo tanonda zo!! "We're entrusting Young Aoyama to you!!"

3 ラジャ！ RAJA! "Roger!"

4 「ここで倒す」えぇブラフやったぞ！「ここでたおす」えぇブラフやったぞ！「koko de taosu」 ee burafu yatta zo! "Your 'we will defeat you here' bluff worked!"

5 メメメメルスイ‼︎ MEMEMEMERUSUI!! "Me-me-me-merci!!"

6 物間少年は相澤くんの元へ！ものましょうねんはあいざわくんのもとへ！ Monoma-shounen wa Aizawa-kun no moto he! "Young Monoma, go to where Aizawa-kun is!"

7 フィ FI "Fi-!" (Note: He's being cut off while saying "Fixer!" for the billionth time.)

8 分断は成功だ！これよりーーぶんだんはせいこうだ！これよりーー bundan wa seikou da! kore yori-- "The division is a success! From here--"

1-2 フェーズ２へ移行する‼︎ フェーズ２へいこうする‼︎ FEEZU 2 he ikou suru!! Transition to Phase 2

3 [...]らっしゃい!!! [...]rasshai!!! "[...]Welcome!!!"

1 群訝山荘… ぐんがさんそう… Gunga sansou... "The Gunga Mountain Villa..."

2 なる程… なるほど… naruhodo... "I see..."

3 [...]せん[...]エンデヴァー [...]sen[...] ENDEVAA "[...] Endeavor" (Note: Too much of this line is illegible for me.)

4 やっぱ俺の力程度で割れるようなモン被ってこないすよやっぱおれのちからていどでわれるようなモンかぶってこないすよ yappa ore no chikara teido de wareru you na MON kabutte konai su yo "After all, he wouldn't come wearing [on his head] anything that would break with my level of strength."

5 安心しろ[...] あんしんしろ[...] anshin shiro [...] "Rest assured [...]"

6 AFOの持つ泥のワープが黒霧の劣化版だということは神野の戦いで割れているオール・フォー・ワンのもつどろのワープがくろぎりのれっかばんだということはカミノのたたかいでわれている OORU FOO WAN no motsu doro no WAAPU ga Kurogiri no rekkaban da to iu koto wa KAMINO no tatakai de warete iru "It became clear at the Kamino battle that All For One's mud warp is an inferior version of Kurogiri's."

7 転送距離は大幅に短く自身はワープできないてんそうきょりはおおはばにみじかくじしんはワープできない tensou kyori wa oohaba ni mijikaku jishin wa WAAPU dekinai "The transmission distance is significantly shorter, and he cannot warp himself."

8 雄英バリアもそれに合わせ強化されているゆうえいバリアもそれにあわせきょうかされている yuuei BARIA mo sore ni awase kyouka sarete iru "The UA barrier also is being strengthened accordingly."

9 全てお前の自惚れと自業自得の結果だすべておまえのうぬぼれとじごうじとくのけっかだ subete omae no unubore to jigou jitoku no kekka da "This is all the result of your arrogance and reaping what you sow."

10 僕らを分断し各国撃破… ぼくらをぶんだんしかっこげきは… bokura wo bundan shi kakko gekiha... "Divide us and defeat us in small groups..."

11 実にいいプランだじつにいいプランだ jitsu ni ii PURAN da "It's actually a good plan."

12 勝てる可能性を考慮しなければだがねかてるかのうせいをこうりょしなければだがね kateru kanousei wo kouryo shinakereba da ga ne "I must consider the possibility you can win."

13 ヒーロー人口大幅減の上戦力を分ける為とはいえヒーローじんこうおおはばげんのうえせんりょくをわけるためとはいえ HIIROO jinkou oohabagen no ue senryoku wo wakeru tame to wa ie "But even considering the significant decrease in the hero population's top strength,"

14 やはり君は酷い男だエンデヴァーやはりきみはひどいおとこだエンデヴァー yahari kimi wa hidoi otoko da ENDEVAA "You really are a cruel man, Endeavor."

15 OFAは弔に充てたか？ワン・フォー・オールはとむらにあてたか？ WAN FOO OORU wa Tomura ni ateta ka? "Did you assign One For All to Tomura?"

16 危ない橋だしあぶないはしだし abunai hashi da shi "That's a risky move." (Note: The literal idiom here is "That's a dangerous bridge.")

17 それに…最も残酷な采配だと思うぜ？それに…もっともざんこくなさいはいだとおもうぜ？ sore ni...motto mo zankoku na saihai da to omou ze? "What's more...don't you think there's an even crueler order?"

1 辛い立場の末子に尻拭いを押しつけつらいたちばのばっしにしりぬぐいをおしつけ tsurai tachiba no basshi ni shirinugui wo oshitsuke "You've put your youngest son in the difficult position of cleaning up after your mistakes" (Note: This is an idiom that literally means "wipe someone's butt.")

2 彼への虐待を続けるとは！長男へのぎゃくたいをつづけるとは！ chounan (kanji reads as: kare) he no gyakutai wo tsudzukeru to wa! "of continuing to abuse him (pronounced as: "eldest son")."

1 雄英…？ゆうえい…？ yuuei...? "UA...?"

2 なんだここは… nanda koko wa... "What happened to this place..."

3 ジーパン‼︎ JIIPAN!! "Jeans!!"

4 やべぇ‼︎ yabee! "This is bad!!"

5 やられた…！ yarareta...! "They got us...!"

1 デクがいねぇ‼︎ DEKU ga inee!! "Deku isn't here!!"

2 デクくん…⁉︎何で… デクくん…⁉︎なんで… DEKU-kun...!? nande... "Deku-kun...!? Why..."

3 死柄木のとこのハズじゃ… しがらきのとこのハズじゃ… Shigaraki no toko no HAZU ja... "Weren't you supposed to go to where Shigaraki..."

4 危機感知がききかんちが kikikanchi ga "Danger Sense"

5 反応しなかった…‼︎ はんのうしなかった…‼︎ hannou shinakatta...!! "didn't react...!!"

tagline 乱れる戦局[...] みだれるせんきょく[...] midareru senkyoku [...] The disturbed battlefield [...]

#my hero academia leak translations #bnha 345 #mha 345 #my hero academia manga spoilers #final showdown spoilers #fun date ideas: death battle at sea world #does UA becoming a floating island count as it turning into a giant mech?#asking for bingo card purposes #look at all these callbacks and parallels!#[screams in katsuki saving tomura]#MEDIOCRE!!!#so much jabaiting going on here #ok but this chapter was actually great lol

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todomitoukei · 3 years

Text

Japanese vs. English Dabi - A 292 Comparison

As other people have already pointed it, the official translation is sometimes a little biased to the point of adding things into the text that aren’t in the original Japanese version or changing phrases to the point where the villains come off colder than they actually are.

The current chapters are highly important to Dabi’s and Shouto’s characters and so the official translation, unfortunately, can lead to people getting the wrong image of Dabi. This is not to say that Dabi is actually a super friendly guy - however, I don’t think you can get a full picture of all the layers to his character without taking the original text in mind.

Since there are a few panels I’m going to talk about from this chapter - comparing the Japanese version with the official translation and also dissecting and explaining the original Japanese phrases - I’m going to put the rest of this post under the cut because it’s a bit lengthy otherwise.

Let’s start with these panels. Though these aren’t mistranslated per se, just like with the “dance with your son in hell” line from the previous chapter, the furigana next to the kanji have a different meaning here. As discussed before, whenever this is the case, the furigana are what the character says, and the kanji represent what the character actually means.

The line in the second panel is: 「轟家の過去が消えるわけじゃねえだろ。」

轟家「とどろきいえ ; todoroki ie 」-> the Todoroki household

の　「 no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

過去「かこ ; kako 」 -> the past; a past (i.e. a personal history one would prefer remained secret); one’s past

が「 ga 」 -> particle to mark the subject of the sentence

消える「きえる ; kieru 」 -> to vanish; to disappear

わけじゃねえ「 wakejanee 」 -> It doesn’t mean that

だろ「 daro 」 -> right ? (used to ask the person you’re talking to for confirmation)

The two words that have a different furigana reading than they should have, are Todoroki household and past. According to the furigana, Dabi says:

「うち」-> house; one’s own home

「じじつ」-> truth; reality

So going by the kanji reading you get:

“This doesn’t mean that the past of the Todoroki household just disappears, right?”

Whereas what he actually says is:

“This doesn’t mean the truth of our home just disappears, right?”

In comparison to the “dance with your son in hell” line, these two versions don’t differ as much from another. Caleb actually addresses this in his twitter threat and sort of mixed the two versions into one: “This doesn’t change the hard truths about my family’s past!”

Personally, considering he is directly talking to Shouto here, I find the choice of translating the Todoroki household/home part into “my family” a bit weird. Since he seeks Shouto’s confirmation here, it would make more sense to translate it as “our family” in my opinion. The “my” makes it feel a lot more self-centered, even though there is no indication for him to only be referring to himself here.

Switching the word to vanish with “change” also slightly changes the meaning here. Though both are accurate, I feel like their past disappearing holds more weight. The line is, after all, referring to the fact that Best Jeanist has appeared, despite Dabi earlier announcing that the hero had been killed. So even though Dabi was wrong about that part, it doesn’t make his other facts go away. It’s not just about changing his words, but making it like they were never spoken in the first place. It’s a small difference, but a difference nonetheless.

Finally, the “hard truths” part instead of reality/past. It’s interesting to think about why Dabi says “truth” when he means “past”. But I think one way to look at it is that to Dabi, he has accepted the past. He has lived with it and carried it with him in silence for so long, but was always aware of it. Despite him not having told anyone else about it, he didn’t deny that past to himself. He shows his scars and he fights back. That is who Dabi is as the person that rose from Touya’s ashes. Meanwhile, he says “truth” while talking to Shouto. While we, the readers, and those around Shouto know of his hatred towards Endeavor, Dabi doesn’t know about this. To him, Shouto really is just Endeavor’s little doll. And so in Dabi’s eyes, Shouto has yet to see the truth. To acknowledge their past and the pain they all went through. And though Dabi might not be completely right about Shouto, he isn’t entirely wrong, either. Because even when Shouto hates Endeavor, even when he says he is just going to use him for his own gain, at the end of the day, regardless of his reasons, his actions are still what Endeavor wants him to do - to train hard and want to become the Number One Hero.

I included one the alternative meanings “a personal past one might prefer remained secret” because it also fits well with that interpretation. That the true meaning behind him saying “truth” is not just the mere past, but the part of the past they don’t want to share. Whether that’s because it’s an ugly one that could haunt them for the rest of their lives, or because it’s just difficult to talk about. Either way, it’s more than just memories from when their family was still young. In that, I think “hard truth” is actually a fitting translation, even when it doesn’t have the exact same nuance as the Japanese version.

While Shouto and Dabi are in many ways similar to another, they have slightly different goals: While Dabi wants to kill Endeavor, Shouto wants to save his mom. To both of them that is liberty, just with a different approach.

And the ending of the sentence, where he seeks confirmation from Shouto, sort of indicates just that. He wants Shouto to admit it. Pushing him into a corner and asking a question that only has one right answer. This is also similar to a few chapters ago when Toga confronted Uraraka with the question “Was Jin not a person?” It’s asking something with an obvious answer, yet the people being asked seem to not yet be able to give the right answer, even when they might already know it.

Next of, Shouto confronts Dabi about the villain he sent to their house, who could have killed Natsuo. As you can see in the panel above, the English translation has Dabi say: “Almost killed? What a shame. That would’ve really hurt Endeavor.”

Meanwhile, the Japanese version says: 「それならそれで。エンデヴァーが苦しむ。」

「それならそれで ; sorenara sorede 」 -> even so (expression frustration); still

「エンデヴァー ; Endebā 」 -> Endeavor

「が ; ga 」 -> particle to mark the subject of the sentence

「苦しむ ; kurushimu 」 -> to suffer

As you can see, “Almost killed? What a shame” is kind of very far off from the actual meaning. While the official translation makes it almost sound like Dabi is disappointed and wants Natsuo to be killed, the fan translation has him say: “Then that would mean Endeavor would suffer.” This is a lot closer to the Japanese version and focuses on the more important part: the goal is for Endeavor to suffer. Dabi’s intention isn’t to get anyone else in the family hurt/killed in the process, however, he does have this tunnel vision where everything is about Endeavor and doing whatever to hurt him.

“What a shame” sounds like he is upset Natsuo didn’t actually die. While, as stated above, the first part can show frustration, that frustration more likely refers to the disappointment that Endeavor doesn’t suffer as much as he could.

While both versions translate the second part as Endeavor “would” suffer/be hurt by this, the Japanese uses the present tense for suffering. In a way, Dabi is saying “Well, though he could’ve been more hurt, he suffers.” Maybe he hasn’t been as damaged as could be, but it doesn’t matter, because the fact remains that he does suffer from this, present tense. So Dabi doesn’t recognize this as a loss or “a shame” that Natsuo didn’t die. Instead, he recognizes that Endeavor suffers, even when he isn’t met with the worst-case scenario.

In response to the last panel, Shouto asks whether Dabi is insane (please don’t ask people that) and Dabi’s response in the original translation is “Sure am, Shouto. See, your brother’s not so big on “feelings” anymore.”

A couple of thoughts on this. First, this is a downgrade in comparison to the fan translation of “You got it, Shouto! Your big brother has completely lost any feeling for anything!”

Something the phrasing coupled with Dabi’s wide eyes and big smile make me laugh and this panel now lives rent free in my head.

Anyway, the Japanese line goes: 「そうだよ焦凍兄ちゃん何も感じなくなっちまった。」

「そうだよ ; soudayo 」 -> that is right

「焦凍 ; Shouto 」 -> Shouto

「兄ちゃん ; Nii-Chan 」 -> big bro (in a very endearing way, but can also be used to be demeaning)

「何も ; nanimo 」 -> nothing

「感じ ; kanji 」 -> feeling

「なく ; naku 」 -> adverbial form of nai; attaches to a verb to mean “without”

「なっちまった ; nacchimatta 」 -> to have become (unintentionally; regretfully)

The fan translation, in my opinion, is far more accurate, but there is still something missing.

First of all, I don’t know why the official translation put feelings in quotes as if Dabi didn’t actually say it? mean it? It just feels like an odd choice that I can’t find a good enough justification for.

Second of all, “not so big on ‘feelings’ anymore” and “has completely lost any feeling for anything” is a big difference, and would make sense if the fan translation was inaccurate. But it isn’t. The official translation makes it sound like Dabi more or less chose not to feel anymore or pay attention to his feelings. He could, but he doesn’t want to. You could argue that both sentences still carry the same meaning: Dabi doesn’t feel anymore. "To be big on something” usually refers to having a strong interest in something and prioritizing said interest, which implies that one chooses to prioritize it. While I’m not arguing that some people do choose to ignore their feelings instead of confronting them, in this case, it’s actually the opposite of what he says.

Looking at the actual Japanese sentence, it begins with Dabi confirming Shouto’s words. Yes, I am crazy. There is no denying, nor shame in this. There is almost a bit of pride in that - so little bro actually recognizes that I have gone crazy from this.

Nii-Chan is an interesting choice of words here. The Japanese language is very much based on hierarchy. There are different levels of formality (shown through words, expressions, and verb forms) depending on whom you are speaking to. To summarize: When you are talking to someone who is of higher status (based on job position, age, experience). This also applies to siblings. Since those of higher status can be more direct/less formal with those of lower status, older siblings can address their younger siblings by their given name alone.

Meanwhile, the younger siblings would use some kind of honorific/suffix. In this case, the “Nii” means older brother. “San” is the standard suffix you would use to address your older siblings (and other people in general). “Chan” is a suffix that you usually use for kids/girls, - where it has a cute, endearing connotation - wherefore it becomes kind of rude when used for older people (as in people who aren’t children anymore). But it can also show endearment - a close bond between the siblings.

So why does Dabi call himself “Nii-Chan”? While you can interpret this as a sarcastic remark to mock their non-existent relationship, I think here Dabi uses it here to humanize himself to Shouto. Kind of like an “I know you see me as a villain right now, but I also am your bro, remember?” He isn’t just this “evil criminal” - rather cute lil Touya is still inside of him. Dabi isn’t just Dabi. He still is Touya, too. So if you fight Dabi and if you call Dabi insane, you also do those things to Touya. Dabi might be the stage of “having completely lost it” but that doesn’t just suddenly happen. It’s a process. While we can say Dabi became Touya on the day Touya “died” yet it’s important to recognize that there was a gradual transition where both Touya and Dabi existed.

Now that we have that part aside, let’s focus on the actual point of that phrase. The part about his feelings.

何も感じなくなっちまった。 Nanimo kanjinaku nacchimatta.

“Nanimo” means nothing and comes with negative verbs that it refers to.

As mentioned before, “kanji” means feeling and is paired with the adverbial form of “nai” - “naku” which negates “kanji” to turn it into not feeling. Pair that with “nanimo” and you get a meaning of “feeling nothing”

Now for the actually interesting part of this phrase (apologies that it took so long) - “nacchimatta”. This word consists of two seperate words: “naru” and “chimatta”. “Naru” means to become and is here merged with “chimatta” which is the colloquial past tense version of “teshimau”. The verb “shimau” expresses that an action (the verb it attaches to) has happened either unintentionally or has yielded regrettable results. So in this case, it is unintentional/regrettable that he has become something.

Putting this together, Dabi says that he has turned into someone who doesn’t feel anything anymore and this was not his intention, nor is it a good thing. To be fair, “shimau” can also mean something happens completely, however this meaning is rarer and while we can say that this is the meaning here, it’s more likely and more interesting to consider the more common meaning.

With that in mind, I want to quickly address the panel next to it, where Shouto asks him whether he has gone insane

In Japanese Shouto says:「イカれてんのかてめェ！」

「イカれて ; ikarete 」 -> (*ika is written in katakana here to emphasize the word since you can’t use italics in Japanese) to be beaten; to be crazy

「ん ; n 」 -> ender is used when explaining something; often with emotion*

「の ; no 」 -> explanatory particle; used at the end of a sentence like a question marker, but you want the listener to answer and give you the reasons why

「か ; ka 」 -> ender indicating doubt or uncertainty

「てめェ！; temee! 」 -> you (derogatory) *meme not intended

The reason why these nuances are important to take into account is that when Dabi, in his reply confirms that “Yes, you’re right, unfortunately, I have become unable to feel anything” he is not just confirming the statement, but emphasizing just how tragic this all is.

*[edit because someone pointed this out to me: the ん here is actually more likely to be the casual form of いる (iru) that attaches to the て (te) form of a verb to turn it into the current/ongoing state (= In this case "are you being crazy).]

The official translation simply made Shouto say: “Are you freaking insane?!” which isn’t exactly wrong but misses the nuance of the “nnoka” in the middle of the sentence. While the official translation sounds rather cold and dismissive, the original shows that Shouto cares. There is emotion, and more importantly: there is a desire to hear his reasons. “Why do you think it was okay to put Natsuo in danger?” By the way, the “n” ender that shows emotion when explaining something is also used by Shouto earlier when he says “Remember him? The brother you cried to every day?!” - It’s no surprise that he is emotional right now, still, it’s important to note that he isn’t just showing his emotions through his tone or his expression, but also through his words in order to make it as clear as possible to Dabi how much Dabi’s actions affect the rest of them and hopefully be able to get through to it.

It’s an emotional and tragic conversation that takes place between them, yet the official translation turned it into a much colder, less-caring one.

I know this was a lengthy post with a lot of information, so congrats and thank you if you’ve made it this far. The reason why I decided to make this post was that initially, the “Nii-Chan can’t feel anything anymore” part stuck with me so much and even more so when I dissected it.

Again, other people have pointed out that the official translation is very biased at times, which is not just sad for those of us who care about the villains, but it’s also just not professional. A lot of the panels I talked about in this post aren’t inherently incorrect, they are simply missing nuances that the English language doesn’t provide. Still, I wished that a professional translator would figure out a way to at least slightly incorporate these anyhow (which btw is literally part of the job). Aside from those, it’s just frustrating when the emotions get almost entirely removed from phrases. I get it - Dabi is apathetic, as he says himself. And yet, Dabi is also constantly shown to put extreme care into which words he chooses; this chapter being no exception. So why does such an important conversation between two brothers get changed in ways that make people who don’t bother checking other translations/the Japanese version unable to get the right image of them?

I understand that it’s important to support the official translation and I do. But it’s also very much important to read other versions, too. While the fan translation might have errors and mistranslations in it here and there, it tends to be a bit more literal and thus includes the nuances more than the official translation does. So please don’t just read the official translation and treat it like the only valid one, when it also comes with its flaws and just isn’t a good sole source for when you want to understand the characters.

#dabi #meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #shouto #todoroki #292 #my hero academia #mha #mine #bnha 292 #lov #also this took a while pls show this some love sgnskgns #translation

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skzsauce01 · 3 years

Text

Bird Is the Word

Synopsis: A series of drunk texts leads to one of the best and worst things that has ever happened to you. Or, Han Jisung is never going to let you forget the time you forgot the word ‘bird.’ College AU. Not a text fic but does include some texts.

Warning: alcohol, a lot of bird puns

Word Count: 8.1k

Pairing: fem!reader x Han Jisung

2:23 AM [Me]: sOS SOS SOS SOSOSOS 2:23 AM [Me]: I NEED HELPPPP 2:23 AM [Jisung Bio]: You okay?? 2:23 AM [Me]: YOU SMART HELPPPPP

2:24 AM [Jisung Bio]: Do you want me to call the police?? 2:24 AM [Me]: WHAT ARE THE FLUFFY ANIMALS THAT GO FLAP CALLED 2:24 AM [Jisung Bio]: Is this a code word? 2:24 AM [Me]: THEY GO FLAP AND EAT SEEDS 2:24 AM [Jisung Bio]: Do you mean birds? 2:24 AM [Jisung Bio]: Are you drunk?

2:25 AM [Me]: [blurry_photo_of_your_window.jpg] 2:25 AM [Me]: HERE LOOK 2:25 AM [Me]: YES BIRDS 2:25 AM [Me]: THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH 2:25 AM [Me]: LOVE YOUUUUU

In your defense, you were drunk. And when you are drunk, your critical thinking skills disappear and are replaced by pure, uninhibited stupidity. It’s like some twisted Jekyll and Hyde situation, but only when you drink, you transform into this other version of yourself instead of suppressing it.

You mostly remember the things you have done and said while under the influence. The most embarrassing ones tend to be fuzzy. If it weren’t for the grainy phone video taken by Seungmin and your own voice cheerfully declaring that you had an idea, you wouldn’t have realized that you were the idiot who tried to make a chalk mural at the four-way intersection in the middle of the night. You didn’t even have chalk, but that didn’t stop you from drawing on the asphalt with a broken pen you found on the sidewalk.

Good thing Seungmin had the foresight to drag you back to the crosswalk before a car could come speeding by.

However, that legendary act of idiocy doesn’t even compare to this new one. Forget the fact that you could have died.

Your biology class just went over survival of the fittest using Darwin’s finches as an example. How in the world did you forget about the word ‘bird?’ Why did you think it was a good idea to ask the cute guy in your bio study group about “THE FLUFFY ANIMALS THAT GO FLAP?” And why, why, why did you insist on telling him that you loved him? The ‘THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH’ was already enough.

Jisung is never going to let you live this down.

It’s fine. You’re fine. It’s not like you spent the entire Sunday morning knocking back glasses of water and wishing it was vodka instead. It’s not like you drafted about five different apology messages and deleted them all. It’s not like you have to see him in class tomorrow.

Really, you’re fine.

You go out of your way to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible, which probably means you are very conspicuous. Do normal people not wear hoodies and sweatpants to class now, or are you just overthinking everything? The two people in the row in front of you are wearing jeans, and the girl heading down your row has a polka-dotted dress on. A secondary glance at the girl tells you that it’s another member of your study group. Speaking of the study group, maybe you should find another one. Preferably one without Jisung in it.

“Morning,” Lia says as she takes the seat beside you. She sets down her purple water bottle on the floor with a light clink. “How was your weekend?”

Terrible, but you say, “It was fine. I finished up the readings and did some notes. How about you?”

“Those readings took me forever!” she groans. “I was trying to finish everything on Saturday, so I could go out on Sunday. Which I did manage to do, so it all worked out. I got a new dress!” She plucks at the bodice of her dress, and you finally take a closer look at the pattern.

They’re not polka dots. They’re freaking birds — swoopy doves with outstretched wings. Or at least you think they’re doves. Your lack of bird knowledge speaks for itself.

“It’s pretty,” you hollowly say. The universe seems determined to remind you of your texts. Lia’s face falters, and you realize your disdain came across as you lying. “No, it’s not like that! Just… bad experiences with birds. You look really nice in this.”

She brightens up. “Oh, thanks! What do you mean by ‘bad experiences?’ What happened?”

“Good morning, birdbrain!”

“That happened.”

Looking far too happy for a Monday morning, Jisung takes the other seat beside you. He has a cup of coffee stacked high with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle, and you wonder if his extreme cheerfulness is from the caffeine or from your impending public humiliation. Why did you have to pick this guy to have a crush on? Sure, he’s cute and smart and sometimes nice, but there are plenty of people who have those traits without his witticism.

Lia looks at you with more amusement than concern. “So what happened?”

You tell her about what really happened during the weekend, and Jisung laughs all the while, reenacting his facial expression when he received your first frantic SOS message. Meanwhile, you sink lower and lower into your chair, ignoring your tailbone’s cries of pain as you slide further down the thin cushion.

“You can’t hide forever,” Jisung remarks as he looks at your slumping form. “C’mon, it wasn’t that bad. And you were drunk anyway.”

Yeah, you were, but the whole thing is doubly embarrassing because of how much you want him to like you. The overenthusiastic, all-caps messages are normal whenever you text while drunk, but ‘I love yous’ and the even rarer ‘I LOVE YOUUUU’ are few and far between. Only six people excluding Jisung have received them: your parents, your best friend, and your statistics group project members because you accidentally sent the message to the wrong chat.

On the bright side, seven is a lucky number. It means absolutely nothing in this case, and it’s hardly relevant to how you’re feeling, but everyone copes differently. Yours just happens to be clinging onto any silver lining available for solace.

“Anyway,” Lia cuts in, saving you from replying, “you’re here early, Jisung.”

He shrugs and flashes her a playful smile. However, his eyes are focused on you when he says, “You know what they say: early bird gets the worm.”

You give him a pitiful attempt of a withering glare. “I hate you.”

“Okay, fine.” He tugs at the shoulder of your hoodie to motion for you to stop trying to melt into the ground and to help you up. “It’s ‘cause I knew you would be here early.”

You are calm, you are fine, you will not be flustered. He just teased you five seconds ago; you should not be this willing to forgive him under these circumstances. Nonetheless, you slide back up to a more normal sitting position and try to pretend that you are still mildly upset. His next sentences make that impossible.

“You guys want brownies? Felix was stress-baking again.”

One may call you easily swayed by food, and they would be right. Jisung lets you have a coveted corner piece, and you decide that he’s alright again. He stretches an arm in front of you to get to Lia, and you lean back to avoid bumping into him. It also gives you a clear view of his profile. Wow, is he pretty. Look at that jawline. Suddenly his eyes go wide, and his mouth splits into a familiar excited grin.

“Are those birds?”

“Yep,” Lia answers, looking over at you to check your reaction. She tries to hide her smile, but it’s clear as day. You’re not entirely sure what she’s going to say next, but you already know it’s going to involve your current least favorite animal species. “Pretty… dove-ly, don’t you think?”

At least you were right about them being doves. “I hate you both.”

Jisung laughs at her pun and holds out his palm for a high-five. “You know what they say: birds of a feather flock together.”

“I really hate you both.”

Your initial prediction that Jisung is never going to let you live this down is correct. When you meet your bio group again Thursday night to study for the upcoming quiz, Jisung brings lemon poppy seed muffins for seemingly no other reason than to tease you. His housemate is still stress-baking, and judging by the bird silhouette made of glaze, Felix is very stressed and very eager to indulge in Jisung’s ideas.

“They’re finches!” Jisung proudly announces as he sets one right in front of you. The stupid decoration on top mocks you, but the muffin looks and smells delicious.

Hyunjin, who does not know about your current plight but does know about Darwin’s finches, appreciatively coos at them. “They’ve even got different beak shapes! These are so cool. Man, Felix must hate econ right now.”

“No kidding,” you mutter as you begin peeling off the wrapper. Felix must hate you as well because one bite of this is almost enough for you to forgive Jisung again. It’s that good. How are you supposed to stay mad at Jisung when he gives you free delicious food? “Forget college, he needs to be in culinary school.”

He smirks from across the table, and it takes a lot of willpower for you to pretend you’re unphased. “What if I told you that I made these?”

“Then I would call you a liar.” He better be lying. You do not need another reason to justify your crush on him.

“And you would be right.” He slides his plastic container down to Lia, who has just arrived and is eyeballing the muffins like a predator. “But I did help him.”

“It’s really good,” you admit. You continue nibbling on it, determined to make the muffin last as long as you can. “What part did you help him out with?”

“The birds on top. Turns out drawing them with runny glaze is hard. I gave you the prettiest one, so don’t get mad about the whole bird thing. It goes with what we’re studying too.”

“Fine,” you sigh as you fold the wrapper into halves over and over again. “But only because these are amazing.”

Hyunjin leans in closer, effectively popping the intimate bubble you and Jisung were in. “What’s ‘the bird thing?’”

Fortunately, Yeji has finally arrived, which gives you the perfect excuse to stop Jisung from letting another person know of your drunk texts. You make a big production of pulling out your notebook from your backpack and rifling through your pencil bag for a pen.

“Should we get started?” you ask. Lia nods and uncaps one of her many highlighters.

“I’ll tell you later,” Jisung whispers to Hyunjin, winking at you. You could cry, melt, die. You could do a lot of things, but you opt to stick your tongue out at him. So what if you’re being childish? You can barely concentrate on the real world after that wink. To Yeji, he says, “There’s snacks, if Lia hasn’t eaten them all yet.”

“Hey!”

Hyunjin laughs at her notorious sweet tooth before turning to Yeji. “He gave Y/N the prettiest one, so there’s probably only his fails left.”

“They’re not bad!”

Lia has only had two, so there are more than enough to choose from. Yeji peers inside the container before selecting the one closest to her.

“Is this a plague doctor?” she asks as she suppresses a laugh. “It’s got a top hat.”

Jisung shakes his head and groans. “You chose the worst one on purpose. It’s one of Darwin’s finches. You would have known if you studied.”

“It’s not my fault you can’t draw.” Taking no notice of Jisung’s affronted expression, she takes out the textbook the five of you split the cost to buy. “Okay, plague doctor cupcakes out of the way, what are the four main theories of evolution?”

“They’re lemon poppy seed finch muffins,” he clarifies.

“That’s not an evolution theory,” Hyunjin cheekily replies, earning him an elbow nudge from Jisung and a laugh from everyone else.

You end up answering Yeji’s question and reward your correct answer with another muffin. Besides them being addictive, you’ll need some energy for the rest of the study session if all this talk about birds persists. You select the most plague doctor-ish one out of the box, and Jisung notices.

“Seriously?” he pouts. “I give you the best one, and this is how you repay me? I thought you said you weren’t mad about the bird thing.”

You ignore the last sentence. “What? You’re not proud of these?” you say, mock astonished as you give him a good view of the glaze on top. “They look exactly like plague doctors.”

“I hate you.”

You smile and shrug before returning back into the discussion about Lamarckism. Let him get a taste of his own medicine.

Unfortunately, as promised and as possible revenge, Jisung tells Hyunjin about ‘the bird thing,’ and Yeji overhears since she is only two chairs away. You try melting into the ground instead, but Lia holds you in place as the story continues, so you are stuck reliving the memory. You knew Jisung wouldn’t let you forget, but you didn’t account for everyone else in the group finding out and joining in on the torture.

But thanks to Jisung’s brilliant idea to bring those spectacularly decorated muffins, he doesn’t go unscathed either. It’s a mediocre consolation prize, but you’ll take it.

All around, it’s a productive study session, if a bit long, courtesy of everyone’s unrelenting shots at you and Jisung.

Your study group splits off in three separate directions once you’re all at the library entrance: Yeji back to the on-campus dorms where she’s an RA, Hyunjin and Lia to the off-campus apartments a few streets down, you and Jisung to the bus stop to your apartments on the other of campus. There’s a few people already sitting at the bench, so you and Jisung stand under the streetlight nearby. A moth intent on reaching the light source rams itself repeatedly against the glass covering, and you tiredly watch it. You yawn.

“Not much of a night owl?” he asks. With no clever reply ready, you gently shove him towards the bushes, but he only sways at your push. He throws his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I’ll stop for today.”

“I’m really sorry for sending you that,” you say. You haven’t touched the chat between you and him since the incident. “And for not apologizing earlier.”

“It’s alright. Although I almost had a heart attack when you sent me ‘SOS’ like five times.”

You grimace as you remember your frantic texts. If you think back hard enough, you remember furiously tapping at your screen, trying to get his attention as quick as possible because you really, really, really needed to know what the animal that landed on your windowsill was called. Your housemate was in the next room over. You could have asked her instead, but no, you decided that Jisung from bio was the best option. Not even the group chat, just Jisung himself.

“Sorry again,” you weakly reply.

“It really is alright. Finding bird puns is my new favorite hobby now.” He wryly smiles. “I have so many more to try on you. You’re gonna love it.”

Is that endearing or annoying? Living rent-free inside his head isn’t terrible, especially since he seems to do the same in yours. You’ll probably have to endure lots more puns from him in the future, but for now, you’ll decide that it’s endearing.

The bus arrives, and you sit in the back with him. The ride to the apartment complex is quiet; only a group of people near the front are speaking to one another in low voices. Jisung makes no attempt at continuing the conversation, and you are content to stare out into the neon lights outside the window. You can see him in the reflection on the glass. The empty container devoid of muffins sits on Jisung’s lap, his phone placed face down on the lid. If it weren’t for all the other passengers on the bus, you would be convinced that it was just you and him, enjoying each other’s company.

You’re almost sad when you reach your stop.

“Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?” he asks as you step down to the pavement. “Yours is farther down, right?”

“Isn’t your place right here?” you say. You’ve seen him walk out from this particular complex several times while waiting for the bus. That’s not stalking. “You don’t have to go out of your way. It’s just a block away.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely walking you home.”

You hesitate a bit, but Jisung is already taking small steps in the direction of your apartment. A little more time with him doesn’t sound too horrendous right now. “Okay.”

Just like the bus ride, no conversation, which suits you fine. Jisung seems more enthralled by looking into the windows of apartment residents anyway. You can’t blame him, especially when it appears that someone is having their own mini rave in their living room. Once at the doors to your building, you thank him and tell him good night.

“No problem and good luck tomorrow.” His voice is softer at night, or maybe it’s because he’s tired as well.

Your tone matches his as well. “You too. See you in class then.”

“Good night.”

A few minutes after midnight, just as you’re about to get into bed, a message from Jisung pops up. Not Jisung in the study group, just Jisung.

12:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: Hey, I know you’re not much of a night owl, so would you call yourself a morning lark? 12:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: You’re always an early bird to class 12:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: Are you emu-sed? 12:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: :D

Well, he did say he would stop for the day. It’s technically the next day. You reply with an annoyed face before burrowing yourself under your blankets. There are other things to worry about, such as your quiz in nine hours.

You dream of birds, namely finches, that night. Thanks, Jisung.

“This is why I tell you to never drink alone,” Seungmin laughs. He picks up the last slice of pizza from the pan and folds it in half like the heathen he is before taking the first bite. “Bad things always happen.”

“To be fair, Ryujin was home.”

“In a completely different room from you.”

You groan and supplement your exasperation with an extra aggressive tear on your crust. “Okay, fine. I’ve learned my lesson. The point is, he won’t stop with the bird jokes, and I’m going insane.”

Seungmin, having been collateral damage from your drunken mishaps before, is unsympathetic. He still hasn’t quite forgiven you for the time you tried to make a Molotov cocktail in his kitchen. Look, the clickbait video you watched online promised that it would be a fun and easy science experiment, and your other self decided that it was a fantastic idea. Nothing bad happened in the end though since you couldn’t find a lighter. So, Seungmin, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

“You have a crush on this guy. Why are you upset that he’s flirting with you?”

“He’s cute until he opens his mouth and starts giving me grief about birds.” You sigh as you remember the last text he sent: a photo of the sunset from his apartment window with the caption, A bird’s eye view of the neighborhood. On one hand, you were thrilled to have received a non-homework related picture. On the other hand, bird joke.

“You would do the same.”

“I know, but it still sucks.” You wipe your fingers with a napkin and amuse yourself with spinning the empty pan as Seungmin (slowly) finishes eating. “No more Jisung talk. How was your date?”

Seungmin turns flustered, just like you knew he would. “It wasn’t a date! I’m just her photographer. This is a business arrangement, nothing else.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.”

“Hey, is that Jisung over there?” he asks, nodding over your shoulder.

“I’m not that gullible,” you sigh, though you can’t say you aren’t tempted. Seungmin loves to make fun of you, and he probably wants to get back at you for teasing him about the girl he’s been spending a suspicious amount of time with.

“Gull-ible?”

“Not you too," you plead. It's already awful with one person. To deter him any further, you continue, "Anyway, back to your definitely-not-a-date date—”

“Hey, Y/N, is that you?”

Seungmin has his “I told you so” face on. After sending him a glare, which he promptly pretends not to see, you turn around, resting your forearm on the back of your chair. Jisung, holding a pan of oven-fresh pizza, smiles back at you.

“Hey,” you greet. He's wearing the same black and red sweatshirt he usually has on, but why does he look so much better in it when he's in a pizza place than in class or in the library? “How are you doing? How’s your Saturday so far?”

“I just woke up like an hour ago, so it’s been pretty good, I guess.” His eyes go to Seungmin, who is now sipping on his soda, pretending to not eavesdrop. “Is this your…”

“This is my friend, Seungmin,” you quickly answer. Other than the fact that you need to make it abundantly clear that you are available, there is no way you’re ever going to date Seungmin. Apart from the girl he claims to not be dating, he’s even more merciless when it comes to reminding you about your drunken ideas. You can’t pass the intersection without him nudging your arm. “Seungmin, this is Jisung. We have bio together.”

Seungmin nods like he hasn’t heard of Jisung before. “Hey, nice to meet you. So, do you guys learn about birds in bio?”

Jisung lights up like a Christmas tree, and you want to cover yourself with the pizza pan. Praying for the ground to swallow you up also sounds like a decent option. In the midst of debating whether hiding under the table would be too odd, you notice that Seungmin has finally finished his slice.

“We should get going,” you interrupt. You do not need Seungmin to start sharing other stupid things you’ve done. He’s about five seconds away from telling Jisung about the intersection chalk mural. “And you probably want to eat dinner.”

Jisung sees right through your act, but he lets it go. “Yeah, Felix is probably starving. See you on Monday?”

“Yeah, see you.”

You expect him to go to wherever Felix is, but he still remains behind you. With a lopsided grin, he asks, “Should I expect any quail-ity texts at 2 AM tonight?”

Seungmin laughs, Jisung laughs, and you stare at the ceiling, wondering what you did to deserve this. Surely there were other people you could have in your life besides these two jerks.

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner!” Jisung sings as you correctly answer his question. This week’s study session consists of a game show Jisung has created, and you almost want to believe that he put in all this effort just to say that phrase. “Another point for you.”

You sigh as Yeji slides a wrapped piece of candy towards you. It’s her turn to bring snacks, and though milk chocolate the size of golf balls are great, you’re still dreaming of those wickedly delicious cake slices Jisung shared with you yesterday. Hummingbird cake, he claimed, it was called. Bananas, pineapples, and pecans, all combined together to make a sweet treat. When you cheekily asked why his housemate was so stressed all the time — you really don’t mind. Sorry, Felix — Jisung cheerfully informed you that he made the entire thing himself. After you picked up your jaw from the floor, you stammered something about it being passable. Not nearly as good as Felix’s stuff, you said, lying through your teeth. Jisung, again, saw right through it but let it slide. See? Sometimes he’s nice. However, you did not need another reason to be attracted to Han Jisung, but here you are.

“Seriously, Yeji?” you mumble as you pull apart the blue foil. “You just had to pick the brand named after a bird?” It doesn’t stop you from popping the chocolate into your mouth though.

“They were on sale!”

While you and Yeji bicker about Dove chocolate and how the universe is conspiring against you, Hyunjin answers the next question correctly. Yeji absentmindedly pushes his reward towards him.

“No chicken dinner for me?” he asks.

Jisung shakes his head. “Your question was easy. You get a pheasant instead. Or a quail. Any bird smaller than a chicken works.”

“A hummingbird then?” you suggest. You really need to stop thinking about that cake. “But I hear those aren’t that great.”

“You already ate every single crumb of that cake I gave you!” Jisung says, but there’s not a drop of displeasure in his tone. In fact, he seems rather happy that you liked it so much that you remembered about it. “All my hard work gone in five seconds.”

“You made her a cake?” Lia gasps in disbelief, secretive note checking forgotten. She’s in last place with only six points, so no one cares too much about her cheating. “What about us? We’re your study buddies too!”

Hyunjin and Yeji chorus their agreements, and you realize that he only shared his cake with you. He followed you out of the lecture hall and gave it to you in a plastic container, so you assumed that he also hand delivered a few slices to everyone else. Never mind that he oh-so-conveniently had a fork with him. Never mind that he sat with you at a bench and watched you try a few bites before devouring it all. Never mind all that.

Wait. Does this mean he likes you too?

You fold and unfold your discarded foil wrappers as you contemplate over this revelation, sneaking glances at Jisung all the while. He looks… normal. Infuriatingly so. Same carefree smile, same arguments with Hyunjin, same lackadaisical chair leaning even though he fell backwards that one time. How is one supposed to tell if someone actually likes you when said someone is the same all the time?

Jisung promises to bring something for the next study session to make up for not sharing his cake and continues on with the review game like nothing has happened. However, those thoughts are still in the back of your mind when the session ends. You have gained five more pieces of chocolate and no further information as to whether Jisung is actually into you or not. As per usual, you and he head to the bus stop together. It’s more crowded than last week since it’s only eight.

“Did you have a pheasant time today?” he asks, pausing next to a hedge.

You keep your eyes on the asphalt instead of looking at him. It’s much easier to pretend you’re calm when you don’t have vision of his face. “I see you discovered pheasants recently. And yes, it was fun. Thanks for making it.”

“You don’t want to crow about winning the game?” When you grimace — you did kind of want to point out how amazing your score was but now you don’t — he quickly adds, “Okay, okay. But you’re going to ace that quiz tomorrow.”

And you simply say, “I know,” because you are and because you have nothing else prepared to say.

It goes quiet, and with only the sounds of cars racing by, Jisung abruptly says, “This is a little awkward now. Or should I say… hawk-ward?”

You groan and break your staring contest with the road to give him an exasperated look. A mistake because he’s smiling so wide, squirrels would be jealous of his cheeks. He has no right to be so cute after those jokes. “Why do I feel like you searched up ‘bird puns’ online and are trying to insert them in every possible scenario?”

“Because I did and because I am.” He sighs in contentment. “Those were the best texts I’ve ever received. I’m never letting you forget it.”

You were right about that, and now you have verbal confirmation from the man himself. Another mediocre consolation prize you will gladly accept. But for now, you say, “Well, toucan play at that game, plague doctor Han Jisung.” The only perk of hearing all these wretched jokes is that you are now rather knowledgeable about them. Thank you, Seungmin, for making that one a few days ago.

“They looked just like finches!” he protests, but he’s laughing along, head tilted back. He sighs again. When he turns to face you again, his eyes are soft. “That was a pretty good one.”

“Seungmin came up with it.” There’s a warm feeling spreading across your chest, constricting your air flow and making all your blood rush to your cheeks. It was one compliment; why are you like this? What are you going to do if he keeps looking at you like that? You swiftly go back to the road, counting the number of cars that pass by. One, two, three, four…

And a gray bus pulling up to the curb.

“Bus is here,” you uselessly announce. Jisung follows you into the growing crowd surrounding the entrance. He hovers behind you as the two of you wait for the people in front to board, and his presence is more palpable than usual. “There’s a lot of people today,” you remark in a vain attempt to distract yourself.

“Yeah, everyone’s heading home for the day.” He pauses dramatically before adding, “The birds are all going back to their nest.”

The joke successfully snaps you out of your haze. “That’s not a real saying.”

“I think it should be. It makes perfect sense!”

“You’re—” As the line shuffles forward, you try to think of something bird related, but he beats to the punch.

“Cuckoo?”

It’s almost impressive how much time he has invested in annoying you. Does it make you fall for him more? No, not really, or so you try to convince yourself. It’s strangely endearing, just like everything about him. You merely answer, “Yes.”

He chuckles and nudges you forward up the steps of the bus.

Even though there’s a little bit of daylight left, Jisung walks you back to your apartment building. You’re not upset by this, but where was this chivalry two weeks ago after the first study session? You teasingly ask him about it, and he turns bashful. How unlike him.

“I thought you lived in my complex, for some reason. You were always at the bus stop before me, so I assumed you lived nearby. I didn’t know until I overheard you and Yeji talking about it,” he says, hiding himself with his collar.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” you say, stopping in front of the walkway to your building, “see you tomorrow then. Thanks for walking me back. Good night.”

The Jisung you’re used to seeing, is back with a mischievous smile and yet another joke. “Good night-ingale.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and try not to seem too amused by it. He’s not charming, not even a little bit. “That was awful.” It’s the smile, you tell yourself. No one should have one like that. It has too much power.

“Yet I can see you smiling at it.”

Remain calm. You can do that. You’ve faked this before, so why is your head not cooperating right now? Jisung really needs to stop looking at you with anything more than a neutral face. It’s bad for you, like really, really bad. No witty remarks at the ready is typical, but you can’t even think of anything to say.

After an excruciating five seconds, you manage to stammer out, “Good night.” Cheeks aflame and your heart threatening to pop out of you like a cuckoo clock, you roughly yank open the door and bolt up the stairs. You have too much adrenaline in you right now. Waiting for the elevator knowing that he could be observing your twitchy movements, would be too nerve wracking.

Ryujin asks if you’re alright when she sees you hunched against the kitchen counter, out of breath and muttering to yourself.

“I decided to take the stairs,” you say, which only partially explains your dishevelled state. “I’ll be alright. I think.”

“I’ll get you some water. You look like you're about to collapse.”

Then your phone chimes with a new message, and you decidedly won’t be alright.

8:22 PM [Jisung Bio]: Did my nightingale pun quack you up that badly? 8:22 PM [Jisung Bio]: Was it that ducking good? 8:22 PM [Jisung Bio]: :D

8:23 PM [Jisung Bio]: Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Sleep well and sweet dreams, morning lark

There is no food in the fridge. Well, no proper food. A bag of spinach that expired three days ago but still seems okay, does not count. The same goes for the half empty jar of peanut butter, but Ryujin would likely disagree with that. There’s a reason why the jar is half empty. However, if you actually want to eat something for dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow, you need to go shopping.

For some strange reason, it does not occur to you that you can run into Jisung at the grocery store. Jisung belongs in four locations: the bus stop, the lecture hall, the library, and the pizza place you saw him at last week. Not the dairy aisle on a Wednesday night.

“Hey.” You stop in front of him, basket at your feet and hands folded in front of you like the world’s worst defense. Heart, stop beating so fast.

Jisung looks up from his phone to search for the owner of the voice and brightens when he sees that it’s you. “Hey, morning lark.” He has taken to calling you that ever since he sent that particular message. You wish it produced another reaction from you besides pure bliss, but that is the price you pay for pretending to be still annoyed by his jokes. That’s how bad your crush on him now is; you are increasingly beguiled by the puns. “Oh, did you need milk?”

“Yeah.” You grab a blue carton with a picture of a smiling cow from the shelf and place it in your basket. In the meantime, you can’t help but peer into Jisung’s. There is a bag of chocolate chips and a packet of gelatin. “Is this stuff for tomorrow’s study session?”

He nods and grabs the same brand of milk as you did. You get a rush of excitement, much to your chagrin. It’s just milk, and this is the most popular brand too. “Yeah. Felix is trying a new recipe, so you guys get to have some of the failed ones too.”

“What is it? Cheesecake?”

“You’ll see,” he mysteriously says. Then he adds, “You’re gonna love it,” which immediately gives away the theme.

“It’s something to do with birds, isn’t it?”

“You’ll see.”

And when you do see, you’re wrong. Library food rules ignored, at each seat, Jisung has set a slice of layer cake topped with chocolate ganache, no bird motifs of any sort. You take your usual spot at the end of the table and find that yours is slightly larger than the others. Well, except for maybe Lia’s. He has to placate her sweet tooth and her disappointment of not being able to have hummingbird cake.

“Did I not get a message or something?” Hyunjin asks when he takes in the over-the-top display. “Is this a dinner party?”

“Isn’t this against the library’s rules?” Yeji asks as she surreptitiously looks around for any librarians. The surrounding tables of fellow students won’t care.

Jisung elects to not answer Yeji’s concerns. “This is tonight’s snack,” he proudly replies. “Also, Felix wants feedback on it.”

You cut a section off with the plastic fork and marvel at the airiness of the cake. It’s unlike anything you have ever had. The frosting in between the sponge layers is so light, and the ganache is so dark and rich. “This is really amazing. It’s so fluffy. Wow. Tell Felix that he really needs to consider culinary school.”

“Wanna guess what it’s called?”

“Isn’t this just an extra fancy vanilla cake?” you ask. You take another bite, but other than the chocolate ganache on top, you can only taste vanilla. “I don’t know. The… vanilla fluff cake?”

“Nope.” He leans forward, face inches away from yours, lips curled into a smirk, and slowly says, “Bird’s milk cake.”

This can’t be real. Birds don’t even produce milk. “No way. You’re lying.” Even as you say the words, they sound false to your ears. Jisung has made it his mission to find anything and everything bird-related for you, so you doubt he’s lying.

“It’s called this” — he holds up his phone screen — “in Russian. It translates to ‘bird’s milk.’”

Ptichye moloko.

“You convinced Felix to make this, didn’t you?” you say. What are the chances that Felix conveniently wanted to make bird’s milk cake without any nudging from Jisung? Absolutely none. You have never even heard of this dessert before, let alone by it’s Russian name, and you’re willing to bet that Jisung searched up ‘bird cake’ or something of that nature just for this. Maybe that’s how he found out about hummingbird cake too.

“It’s all for you, morning lark,” he cheerfully replies, winking at you. He leans back in his chair again, precariously balancing on the two back legs. “I knew you’d like it.”

Jisung is really not making this easy for you. Forget subtleties, he’s just shamelessly flirting with you now. And in the sanctity of the library of all places! In a poor attempt to save yourself from this mess, you unconsciously begin to slide down the chair, trying to shield your hot face with your raised shoulders. Lia notices this — one of the perks having sat next to you for nearly four weeks during lectures — and grabs your forearm.

“No melting,” she reminds you, “or else you’re going to hit your head on the seat again.”

“I wasn’t melting,” you protest as you wriggle back up. Slowly dying might have been a better descriptor. That wink shot arrows into your already fragile heart. “We’re gonna get in trouble if one of the librarians sees this.”

“Guess we should get started then,” Hyunjin says. Yeji, the only responsible one in the group, begins pulling out the textbook, and everyone laughs at her eagerness. “Not what I meant, but that too.”

After you’re done with the cake and while the others are preoccupied about the timeline of human evolution, Jisung whispers across the table, “Did you still like it?”

“Yeah. No hard feelings about the name because it was good,” you whisper back.

“I thought it would turn out like this, morning lark. I know you love free food too much to be mad.”

The nickname again. You rest your cheek against your palm in a vain attempt to tamp down the growing heat. “Can I get a different name, plague doctor?”

He’s not at all phased by his own nickname, which doesn’t bode well for any future snarky remarks from you. “What, you don’t like birds or something?” He blinks so innocently back at you that you have to stifle a giggle.

“Yeah, well, that’s the—”

“Hey, lovebirds,” Hyunjin interrupts, making you profusely blush and Yeji lightly laugh at the expression, “we’re gonna move on to the next section now. Is that okay?”

“It’s okay,” you reply even though you are most definitely not okay. Jisung, who you notice is uncharacteristically sheepish, echoes your sentiment.

It’s difficult not to stare at Jisung during the remainder of the study session. It seems to be true the other way around as well.

You’re sober when you read the messages, but you don’t think Jisung was when he sent them. Oh, how the tables have turned.

3:02 AM [Jisung Bio]: Good morning morning lark!! 3:02 AM [Jisung Bio]: Winner winner chicken dinner remember? So yes or no?

3:03 AM [Jisung Bio]: Or maybe yes or yes? 3:03 AM [Jisung Bio]: I really want to go on a date with you 3:03 AM [Jisung Bio]: Not lying I swear

3:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re always on my mind and every time I see a bird, I think about you 3:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: I bought grey goose because of you 3:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: [jisung’s_hand_holding_grey_goose_vodka.jpg] 3:04 AM [Jisung Bio]: I don’t even like it that much

3:05 AM [Jisung Bio]: You make me dizzy sometimes and I don’t know what to do 3:05 AM [Jisung Bio]: You’re probably sleeping so good night larky 3:05 AM [Jisung Bio]: Or morning

3:06 AM [Jisung Bio]: Fly high in your dreams!!!

He must have been wasted and under no responsible supervision because this is what you would have done if you were in his place. Does he not have a Seungmin in his life? Or a Ryujin? There’s a Felix, so where was he when all of this happened?

But forget about Jisung’s own problems.

He wants to go on a date with you. A real date, not a study date with three other people and fake quiz questions. If his words are to be taken literally, then one involving a chicken dinner. Possibly a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, but a chicken dinner nonetheless.

He can’t stop thinking about you. All those bird jokes had you charmed, and all those cakes were baked with you in mind. They weren’t just for show. They were all about you.

You make him dizzy, which is hilarious because he does the same to you. He smiles at you so brightly, laughs so easily, and flirts so shamelessly that you never realized that you could ever make him feel that way.

And “fly high in your dreams?” You’re practically soaring in real life. Han Jisung, cute bio boy, plague doctor, pun enthusiast, surprisingly decent baker, wants to go on a date with you.

You, you, you!

While you alternate between hyperventilating and forgetting how to breathe as you process all this, three gray dots appear at the bottom of the chat. You clutch your phone as you wait. Apparently, your body is on the ‘forgetting how to breathe’ cycle.

11:14 AM [Jisung Bio]: I am so sorry about that. I was very drunk when I sent that

11:15 AM [Jisung Bio]: You can just ignore them or delete them 11:15 AM [Jisung Bio]: Highly recommend deleting 11:15 AM [Jisung Bio]: Also sorry if I woke you up

Your fingers hover over the keyboard. Should you answer him over text, call, or in-person? Is in-person too dramatic though? You feel like something like this is supposed to be done face-to-face, but he’s probably hungover beyond belief.

11:16 AM [Me]: It’s okay. A morning lark is always up early anyway :) 11:16 AM [Me]: Were you serious though?

11:17 AM [Jisung Bio]: Can we meet up in an hour? At the bus stop? I want to talk to you 11:17 AM [Me]: Yeah. Me too

The bus stop is neutral territory or maybe just the closest meeting spot you and Jisung have. If it’s supposed to be neutral territory, it most definitely is not since his apartment complex is right behind it. Despite his close proximity to the spot, you arrive first, so you make yourself as comfortable as possible underneath the sign, standing in its shadow. It’s silly when you think about it, but you wish you dressed in something nicer than a hoodie. In your rush to leave the apartment, you threw on whatever, but maybe you should have worn something prettier for this confrontation. Make Jisung go dizzy and gain a little bit of power from that.

This is even worse than when you had to face him after you sent your drunk texts. At least then it was just a middling attraction and not a full-on crush.

“Hey, morning lark. You’re early. As expected.”

“Hey. You’re… alive.”

Jisung is strangely fresh-faced, not a hint of hungover clouding around him. Why can’t you look like him after a night of seemingly heavy drinking? Where are the pinched eyebrows from the blinding lights? The ghostly gray face? The haunted eyes as one remembers all the incredibly stupid things they did the night before? Unfair. Completely unfair.

“Yeah.” He’s wearing his usual sweatshirt, but his hands are stuffed into its pockets instead of being out and about. He rocks back and forth on his heels. “Well, uh, I meant everything I sent. And I’m serious about taking you to dinner, so do you want to go on a date with me?”

You anticipated this. Why does it feel like you have just finished running a marathon? “Yeah, I do. I really want to.”

He smiles so brightly, the sun would be jealous. Correction, should be jealous. You don’t think you’ve seen a prettier sight than this since he sat down next to you on the first day of class and asked if you wanted to start a study group. He pumps his fist in the air like he’s a movie character, and you hide your laugh behind your hoodie sleeve. You’ve never seen him so happy before.

“How are you not hungover?” you ask as he raises his face to the sky, taking in the afternoon light, basking in the moment. He’s really living his movie character dreams. “You said you were really drunk.”

“I kind of lied?” he says, sounding more wistful than you would expect. When he looks back at you, you finally see dark circles underneath his eyes, but he is still as jubilant as before. “I was more tipsy than drunk. So, when do you wanna get that chicken dinner, winner, winner?”

It’s amazing how shy, excited Jisung disappears and how the usual casual, teasing Jisung reappears. That’s his Jekyll and Hyde moment, you suppose. And the switch is all activated by his one-track mind of bird jokes. How wonderful.

“Next week, after midterms? I’ve got two this week to study for. I should be free on Friday night.”

He enthusiastically nods. “Sounds good to me.”

2:57 PM [Me]: I’m done with all my midterms! Are you free tonight?

2:59 PM [Jisung Bio]: Free as a bird :D 2:59 PM [Jisung Bio]: Also congrats on being done 2:59 PM [Me]: I hate you

3:00 PM [Jisung Bio]: So chicken dinner? The restaurant next to the pizza place just opened 3:00 PM [Jisung Bio]: I heard it’s really clucking good 3:00 PM [Jisung Bio]: A hen out of hen

3:01 PM [Me]: I might actually kill you during our date

3:02 PM [Jisung Bio]: Don’t you mean 3:02 PM [Jisung Bio]: [flock_of_crows.jpg] 3:02 PM [Jisung Bio]: Murder :D

3:05 PM [Jisung Bio]: I’ll see you at 6? 3:05 PM [Me]: See you then

You do not end up murdering Jisung on your date, though you do come pretty close after you audibly ask the ground to swallow you up when he compliments your egg-cellent outfit.

“Swallow?” he slyly says. “Like the bird?”

Instead of committing a crime, you kiss him on the cheek, effectively silencing him. You’ve been waiting to do both those things for some time now, and look at you now, killing two birds with one stone.

Jisung turns a delightful shade of pink and mutters something about needing to get to the restaurant before it gets too crowded. All of his bluster from just five seconds ago is gone. You merrily follow him down the pavement, feeling a little bit like the cat who swallowed the canary.

Yes, you did search up bird expressions beforehand. Jisung will be Jisung, and like you told him before, toucan play at this game. You will not spend your first date with him being humiliated by his large repertoire of puns. Besides, if he retaliates like you expect him to, you will have the perfect excuse to kiss him again.

See? No fowl play at all.

Then he takes your hand into his, his warmth enveloping yours, and everything suddenly isn’t fair again.

And based on his all-too-pleased grin, Jisung knows this as well.

~ ad.gray

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