estellamiraiauthor
Estella Mirai
Author of The Stars May Rise and Fall and a bunch of orphaned fanfics.
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Last Seen Blogs
krecioch
Sunsmasher
testycodeiz-blog
Testy Codeiz
gatheringmoonlight
the moon’s favorite daughter
bubballo
julieta.
iammuhammad
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Super frustrating things #2367864: Being Super Disgustingly Obese by Japanese standards but Overall Smallish But Boobs by Westen standards so exactly Zero clothing brands in the entire world fit me.
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OK so I feel the need to elaborate on this. Like there was one that was 禁断の炎/Forbidden Fire, which was both an obvious reference to just like, being queer in Japan but also a nod to the Bonnie Tyler album Secret Dreams and Forbidden Fire, and there was 過去の痛み/Pain of the Past which was all about X Japan’s Voiceless Screaming.
I don’t actually remember why I gave up on the chapter titles but I miss them because they let me give a little shout out to my influences, but if you didn’t know what it was from it was just a chapter title?
There should be more books that have chapter titles, and then a little summary of the chapter below them. You don't have to be boring with them, or spoil the whole chapter by telling what happens - you could make it vague, like a prophecy of something you know is going to happen, but you don't know how, or with what results.
Having one-sentence summaries like "Chapter 12 - where the Queen's hound makes a fatal mistake" and you're like oh shit does this refer to the queen's actual hunting dog, or the guy that's mockingly called her lapdog? "Chapter 24 - where justice finds a thief, and a thief finds justice" and you're like ooooh shit the cute little pickpocket is going to get caught, and then it turns out that shit, she does get caught, but by someone who actually agrees that she's right to steal to help feed her family, and gets her help instead, which is justice.
You already know what's going to happen, but not how.
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This reminds me of the time I tried to do ikebana and my boyfriend-at-the-time’s mom was like “It’s too symmetrical! You’ve got to throw it off balance!” And I was just like… I’m not trying to become a professional ikebana artist. I just wanted to put some flowers in an arrangement that I personally find satisfying? Why would you need to come in and rearrange MY flowers? Why???
This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.
I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.
(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)
Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.
And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.
I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.
And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.
But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.
But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.
And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.
So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.
And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.
But what if I hadn't known how to do that?
What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?
What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?
My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.
And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?
How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?
I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.
I think I'm gonna frame it.*
(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)
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You know I hate to say it, I told you so
You know I hate to say it but, I told you so
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The very VERY first draft of The Stars May Rise and Fall had chapter titles. I made them all bilingual, in English and Japanese, and half of them were little references to song titles and I loved them.
There should be more books that have chapter titles, and then a little summary of the chapter below them. You don't have to be boring with them, or spoil the whole chapter by telling what happens - you could make it vague, like a prophecy of something you know is going to happen, but you don't know how, or with what results.
Having one-sentence summaries like "Chapter 12 - where the Queen's hound makes a fatal mistake" and you're like oh shit does this refer to the queen's actual hunting dog, or the guy that's mockingly called her lapdog? "Chapter 24 - where justice finds a thief, and a thief finds justice" and you're like ooooh shit the cute little pickpocket is going to get caught, and then it turns out that shit, she does get caught, but by someone who actually agrees that she's right to steal to help feed her family, and gets her help instead, which is justice.
You already know what's going to happen, but not how.
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OK I try to tell my kids this shit ALL THE TIME.
“Mom why are you looking in the freezer for my soccer uniform?”
WELL IVE ALREADY RULED OUT ALL THE REASONABLE PLACES, MIGHT AS WELL START WITH THE RIDICULOUS ONES?
When you're unsuccessfully looking for something and start gradually increasing your It Could Be There range. Like yeah sure maybe the rice cooker pot is in the freezer, idk
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Things I don’t get #45798743
Hair highlights. That’s it that’s the post.*
*I do understand in an academic sense what this is, just living in a country where no one colors their hair this way it’s weird to see tourists who do
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Update again: Pride was fabulous! Yeah it’s kinda corporate but it was kinda nice to just hang out and be myself with giant rainbow earrings and a street beer! Met some great people, very glad I went!
Do I drag myself (no pun intended) to Tokyo Pride this weekend even though it’s basically a showroom of corporations who paid straight people to design their rainbow logos but don’t actually provide a safe environment for queer folks?
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While I don’t really have an opinion one way or the other about her music (don’t hate it, but to me it doesn’t really stand out from any other female pop solo artist stuff?), I do deeply dislike ANY one artist being given such a disproportionate amount of attention. Boost lesser known artists too!
(And yes, I do realize that I’m contributing to the attention by reblogging this. Irony’s a bitch.)
i hate taylor swift. post
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Update: found a friend to go with me so looks like it’s on! 🌈
Do I drag myself (no pun intended) to Tokyo Pride this weekend even though it’s basically a showroom of corporations who paid straight people to design their rainbow logos but don’t actually provide a safe environment for queer folks?
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I’m slowly coming to the realisation that I’m a burst writer. I get bursts of energy and the words pour out of me for days, and then I have a day where I can’t write shit
#same except it’s like six months manic sprint and then an eight year drought#not even being sarcastic unfortunately
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the idea of public restrooms as "women's spaces" continues to confound me. you know who I hope is in a public bathroom when I go in?? no one. I would prefer no one else be in the bathroom. and if someone else is in the bathroom I am going to ignore them as much as possible. I did not go into the bathroom to connect with other women. I went into the bathroom to piss and/or shit. it's a toilet's space, not a women's space. shut the fuck up and let trans people piss and shit in peace. let's all continue to avoid eye contact with each other and any and all interaction in the toilet's space.
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If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.
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Do I drag myself (no pun intended) to Tokyo Pride this weekend even though it’s basically a showroom of corporations who paid straight people to design their rainbow logos but don’t actually provide a safe environment for queer folks?
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