#anyway just currently in a state of being really fucking done with talking about my diabetes and having my reflex response anytime i say
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bitter diabetic thought soup
#it's me again about to make the enzymes in my pancrea everyone else's problem too <3#anyway it sucks to have psych meds that are life-changing for me that specifically effect my appetite#bc then schedule becomes even more important which good news! improves on said meds and bad news! gets worse when sudden adjustments have#to be made!! anyway today was. not great. for me health wise. and on that note i always feel the need to be so defensive about having my#blood sugar in check like it's some moral failure of me not to when!!! sometimes it's not! sometimes it's high!! sometimes that's not good!#when i feel bad from blood sugar stuff that's not healthy!! but health is sometimes not 100% achieveable and i know i am feeling this on#such a smaller scale compared to other illnesses but it makes me want to scream of course i Want to be healthy and i Try My Best but#the fact is the natural state of my body is not one of health. there is a genetic issue here that makes a baseline state of health and#comfort in my body something that i have to put thought into every fucking day and even if that thought it minimal it's an extra step to#get somewhere some people are just born having pre-taken care of for them#idk man maybe it's just me maybe i just don't know any other diabetics who are my age/have the same type as me (because it's so fucking#understudied and underdiagnosed) and i don't even know if i'm going to say this in a way that makes sense but it feels like 'diabetes'#is not a condition that is in any way considered impactful in daily life and my suspicion is that because it's so fucking common if more#consideration were given to how it affects people more accomodation and understanding would be expected for it and we#simply can't have that now can we (i think. if i am not entirely in left field on this. this is true of a lot of common chronic conditions#but i obviously can't speak to any others#i just feel like we downplay literally so many chronic health issues that the negative impacts on daily life get kinda neutralized#because whenever i actually walk through the fact that i have to think so hard about food all the time i realize oh. well. how exhausting#it is and how much more prone to disordered eating i have been since diagnosis because of it#anyway just currently in a state of being really fucking done with talking about my diabetes and having my reflex response anytime i say#anything about it to be 'oh it's not that bad!! i have my sugar under control!' like i am a bad person if it's not under control for#something i was quite literally born with and tends to be unpredictable and my doctor literally knows so little about in actuality because#again. highly understudied. : ))))))))#idk what this was i'm just feeling grrrr about being diabetic for specific reasons right now#personal
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Crossing Lines | s.h x fem!reader
part one | part two | part 3 | part 4 | part 5
series summary: steve isn’t your biggest fan, so why does he ask you to be his date to a wedding? | enemies to lovers, fake dating
chapter summary: things take a turn the night of the wedding. what happens when you’re back in Hawkins and no longer have to pretend to be steve’s girlfriend?
content: arguing, drinking, kissing (yes you read that right), a few confessions (yes you read that right, too), she/her pronouns, use of y/n, swearing
word count: 3.7k
a/n: THINGS ARE HAPPENING! BUCKLE UP
_
The sound of clanging cutlery makes your head throb due to the cruel hangover you woke up with. You were currently eating breakfast with the Harrington’s and not to sound rude, but it was the last place you wanted to be right now.
After the events of last night, you couldn’t get even a blink of sleep. It was already bad enough you told Steve that he shouldn’t kiss you because you wouldn’t be able to sleep, but him agreeing made it even worse.
It makes no sense to you.
He must be playing some sort of cruel game, right? He’s probably just stringing you along trying to make you fall for him and when if you do, bam, you’re left heartbroken.
Steve Harrington can suck it. There’s positively no way you’re falling for him.
“You alright?” he whispers to you when he notices you moving the food around your plate instead of eating it. “m’fine” you shrug. “Just don’t have an appetite’’ you explain. “Eat something. We have a long day ahead of us”
“Why do you care?” you snap and his eyes widen. Luckily, his family was too immersed in their own conversations to pay attention to either of you. “Let’s not do this here, okay? Yell at me when we get back to the house if you want”
“What’s the point? You never listen anyways” you huff.
This morning was a tad awkward between you and Steve. When you tried to talk about it and clear the air, he just grunted and wanted to brush it under the rug like he always does. Safe to say you were frustrated with him.
“Whatever, y/n. Just promise you’ll stop acting like this when we’re at the wedding”
“Only if you promise to stop being such a dick”
“Fine”
“Fine”
Spoiler alert: It wasn’t fine.
_
When you had gotten back to the house, neither of you spoke a word to each other. You took a much needed nap while Steve left the house. He didn’t tell you where he was going and frankly, you didn’t care to know.
Okay, that’s a bit of a lie. You cared a teeny tiny amount.
These past few days have felt so back and forth. Every time you think you’re making progress to the possibility of being friends, there’s a small hiccup and you’re back to square one. You feel like you’ve gotten a glimpse of Steve that you haven’t gotten in a long time, but then the glimpse is overshadowed by him going back to acting like an ass at the drop of a hat.
Your rumination is interrupted by the sound of the front door closing, alerting you that Steve is back. You go back to doing your makeup until Steve knocks on the bathroom door. “Come in” you answer and he opens the door.
“We’re leaving in an hour” he states “Then why aren’t you ready yet? You were gone for two hours”
“I went to my parents to call Robin” he answers. “We have a phone here” you counter. “Thanks, sherlock, but I didn’t really want you snooping in on my conversation”
“I have no interest in what you have to say considering you have no interest in listening to me” you sigh heavily. “Is this about last night? Can’t you get over that?”
You angrily set your mascara down and turn to look at him. “No, it isn’t just about last night. It’s about the entire time I’ve known you, Steve! You are such an asshole to me and I’ve done nothing to you and yes, I wanted to kiss you, but you wanted to kiss me too and it’s driving me fucking mad because you want to act like this whole weekend hasn’t even happened!” you exclaim and hold back a sob. You’d always been so utterly confused about his hatred towards you and this trip has made it even worse. He gives you no explanations, no communication, just avoidance.
“I have to get ready” is all he says before exiting the room and you groan in frustration. All you want, all you need, is for him to talk to you. It’s like trying to get through a brick wall. Impossible and not worth it.
You’d never been more grateful for a weekend to almost be over.
_
The wedding ceremony had been uncomfortable, to say the least. You and Steve were squished together in a church pew, leaving no room for distance between the two of you. It was hard to focus on the beautiful event taking place in front of you when Steve’s thigh was pressed up against yours and he had to put his arm on the back of the bench and you had to lean into him for appearances.
The reception was going better though, partially because of the open bar. You’re currently stood there waiting on your third drink when the bride herself comes up to you. “What did Steve do now?” she asks you. “What do you mean?” you play dumb. “You two have been so lovey dovey this whole weekend and now you haven’t spoken a word to each other tonight. Spill”
“I don’t want to burden you. It’s your wedding night!”
“Consider it a wedding present. Tell me everything!”
That was easier said than done. You couldn’t exactly explain that this entire relationship is fake and Steve has been sending you mixed signals, absolutely doing your head in. “Just a silly fight, I suppose. Nothing serious” you reply. “Alright, I won’t bother you for juicy details, but tonight is all about love and that boy loves you. He’s outside. Go find him, okay?”
Before you go and find him, you make sure to get him a drink to break the ice. As frustrated as you were with him, you weren’t going to sulk at someone's wedding over it.
“Hey” you mutter when you find him alone outside. “Peace offering” you say as you hand him a drink and he accepts, chugging it rather quickly.
“Look, I’m sorry ab-”
“No, I’m sorry.” he interrupts “I was an ass and you didn’t deserve it”
“Thank you, but you’ve been really off all day. Is something else wrong?’’ you question and he sighs “My dad keeps harping on me about my job, my apartment, and basically everything else. Says you’re too good for me. I don’t even deserve my fake girlfriend” he chuckles, humorlessly.
“Steve” you whisper, stepping closer to him and putting your hand on his arm “I know we’ve had our differences, but you should be proud of yourself. You could’ve easily had everything handed to you, but you decided to do everything on your own. I think that’s very brave of you”
“You think I’m brave?” his eyes meet yours and you swear there’s a sparkle in his golden irises. “yeah, i do, but don’t let that get to your head, alright?” you joke and he smiles for the first time today. “too late” he smiles.
“So we’re okay now? ya know, until you start acting like a dick again” you joke. “Yeah, we’re okay. until you do something annoying again”
You both chuckle and you can’t deny this moment feels nice. Steve seems different, apart from the few arguments you’ve had over the weekend, it feels like there’s a possibility for an acquaintance. Maybe even friends, but you don’t wanna get ahead of yourself.
“Hey, lovebirds. Get in here, everyone’s lookin for ya” one of the groomsmen says when he finds you and Steve outside. “we’ll be there in a sec” Steve tells him before he disappears.
“ready?” he asks and you nod, both quickly finishing your drinks before facing the crowd inside. Steve takes your hand and leads you back into the reception.
Once you’re back inside, you feel a gentle tug on your dress. When you turn around and look down, you’re met with a friendly, familiar face. “hi, penelope! you look so pretty!” you exclaim and she twirls to show you her dress. “you look like a princess! will you dance with me?” she asks. “I’d be honored!”
“I’m gonna go get us a couple more drinks, okay?” Steve tells you before you’re escorted to the dance floor with your new best friend.
While Steve waits to order at the bar, he watches you and penny absolutely steal the show. You’re holding hands while twirling around the dance floor and laughing. He notices everyone admiring you, much like he is right now.
“She sure is lovely, Steve” his mom says when she approaches him. “she is, isn’t she?” he replies and he means it. You have this way about you that makes everyone swoon over you. At first, he found it annoying, but now he might say he finds it endearing. He’s starting to understand why everyone likes you so much.
As ‘open arms’ by Journey starts to play, he watches your eyes light up and you say ‘I love this song!’. He decides the drinks can wait.
“Care if I steal my girl for a dance, penny?” he asks, fully expecting her to say no. “fine, but only one dance, mister” she points her finger at him and you both laugh. “I’ll hand her off to you in no time. I swear” he promises before she walks back over to her parents.
“So, I hear you like this totally cheesy song. Can’t say I’m surprised” he teases and you playfully roll your eyes. “And you wanna dance with me to this totally cheesy song” you rebuttal. “touche” he chuckles.
Your arms wrap around his neck and his hands fall to your waist, pulling you slightly closer to him. “I believe I was promised a drink”
“Got distracted, plus I don’t need you getting sloppy and stepping on my toes”
“Sloppy?! If anything, my dance moves are even more impeccable when I’m drunk. Did you not see my moves earlier?”
“Oh, I did, unfortunately. You’re really great with Penny, by the way. Must be because you dance the same.” he torments you. “Okay, I’m ignoring that. She’s a great kid, though. Hard to believe you share genes”
“How would we share jeans? She’s a toddler”
“Steve” you deadpan, waiting for him to get that you meant genes, not jeans. “Oh” he nods his head once he understands and you both laugh.
“Do you think that maybe after all of this we could be friends, maybe?” you ask, shyly. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yeah, maybe” he answers before continuing “you aren’t completely awful and besides us fighting every other hour, I’ve had fun with you.”
“I’ve had fun with you too, but if you tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it” you jokingly respond and he agrees. “I don’t entirely hate being around you” he whispers. “I don’t either”
Steve’s eyes flick down to your lips and linger longer than you expected. “stop looking at my lips!” you quietly exclaim. “I'm not! Your lipstick is smeared!” he defends.“I’m not wearing lipstick, Steve” you clarify and his cheeks turn pink.
“You’re blushing! you were totally looking at my lips!”
“I was not. If I get you a drink will you stop berating me?” he bargains. “Hm, I don’t know. Get me a drink anyways and let's find out.”
Steve keeps his hand on the small on your back the entire time you stand at the bar. You lean your head on his shoulder, claiming that it’s only because you’re sleepy, but deep down you feel the need to be as close to him as possible.
“Wanna go back outside? It’s kinda hot in here” Steve asks once you get your drinks. You nod and follow him, lacing your hands together, mostly for support as you're tired and you feel like your feet might actually fall off from your heels.
You and Steve don’t bother finding any chairs, opting to sit in the grass instead.
“It’s so beautiful out here” you sigh dreamily as you look at the stars in the sky. Steve turns to look at you while you admire the view “yeah. it really is”
A night breeze causes you to shiver, so Steve takes off his blazer and places it over your shoulders. “Thanks, Stevie” you smile at him and he hates how the way your nose scrunches as you smile makes him feel like a damn teenager with the butterflies he gets.
“Can I ask you something?” you ask, looking back at the sky not really wanting to look at him when you ask what’s on your mind. “go for it”
“Why did you hate me? I mean, I hope it’s past tense because you said we can be friends now, but I’m just curious” you nervously pluck grass out of the ground, still avoiding eye contact. “I didn’t hate you”
“Steve, that’s a lie and we both know it. Be honest, I can take it”
Seconds pass before he speaks again, letting out a big sigh before doing so. “You’re too perfect”
“What?” you scoff. “You’re just so…unreal. With the way you laugh, the way you’re nice to everybody, and the way you could wear a trash bag and still be unbelievably beautiful. It just makes me so mad because I can never have you” he confessions and you’re stunned, to say the least.
You don’t say anything for a good minute and a half, unable to think of anything to say. Steve wishes he had a time machine so he could go back and say literally anything else. He takes your silence as rejection.
“why can’t you have me?” you whisper “it’s stupid” he grumbles. “tell me. please”
“Robin told me that I wasn’t ready for a girl like you and truth be told, I don’t think I ever will be” he tells you. You scoot closer to him, locking your eyes with his. “you can have me tonight, Steve, while we’re away from home. No robin, no hawkins, just you and me and not a care in the world”
“Can we really do that just for one night?” he wonders, eyes scanning over your face to see if there’s any detection of you just messing around with him. “that depends…do you wanna kiss me?”
“yes”
Neither of you waste any time. His lips hungrily chase yours and you sigh into the kiss as you both lay down on your sides in the grass. Your hand grasps the back of his neck to keep him in place, making sure this moment lasts as long as possible. Warmth spreads throughout your body and you feel like your heart might beat out of your chest.
One of Steve’s hands tangles in your hair while the other rests on your waist. It’s so quiet outside that all you can hear are the sounds of your kiss and you can’t be too sure, but so far you think it’s the best thing you’ve ever heard.
Steve is the first to pull away, but not too far. He rests his forehead on yours and he keeps his eyes closed. “Can we go back to our place?” he asks and you let out an ‘mhm’ before you both stand up, going back inside to quickly say your goodbyes.
_
Steve presses kisses to your forehead, cheeks, and lips every five seconds in the back of the cab and all the way to the front door. He knows he won’t be able to do this once you go back to your lives in Hawkins, so he uses this opportunity as best as he can.
For tonight, you’re his girl and he can kiss you silly if he wants to.
“Stevie, can I sleep in your sweatshirt? it gets cold at night”
“Here. I’ll get out of your hair” he says before leaving the room so you can get changed. His sweatshirt smells like him and you smile as you put it on.
You change in record time so Steve can come back in. You know this is a terrible idea. You shouldn’t want to kiss him this badly, you shouldn’t hope you sleep in his arms tonight, but you do because you don’t know if you’ll ever get the chance to once you’re home.
“I’m done!’’ you shout and Steve returns, also changed into comfy clothes. You both climb into bed after turning off the lights. His arm wraps around your shoulders and pulls you into him so your head lies on his chest.
You’re both utterly exhausted, but don’t go to bed before sharing more giggly kisses. You each dread when the sunrises, meaning your time together is up.
It was nice while it lasted. Even if it was only for a few hours.
_
In the morning, there’s no regrets or arguing, like what both of you expected. Instead, there was a feeling of misery. If Steve knew he could’ve had you for this whole weekend, he wouldn’t have wasted a second.
How is he supposed to act once you’re back in Hawkins? Does he go back to being an asshole or does he stick by his promise of being your friend? Is it even possible for him to be your friend at this point?
You don’t speak much throughout the morning, apart from when you’re at his parents’ to say goodbyes. “I can’t wait to see you again, dear” his mom had told you and you felt an odd feeling in your chest at her words.
Steve loads up all of your things in the car for you and you mutter a ‘thanks’ before getting in the passenger seat.
“Ready?” Steve asks when he gets in the car. “yep. let’s go home” you exhale a deep breath.
You fall asleep almost as soon as you’re on the road and Steve sighs in relief. He doesn’t think he could take the silence.
_
The ride home goes by fairly quickly. You wake once you feel his car come to a halt outside your house.
“I’ll get your bags for you” he offers and you shake your head “no it’s o-”
“y/n, let me get your bags. It’ll be my final job as your fake boyfriend” he jokes and you let out a fake chuckle. Why does the thought of this being over hurt so much?
“Well, guess we’re broken up now, huh? Longest three and a half days of my life” you jest. “Right back at ya. Pleasure doing business with you” he holds his hand out and you shake it like you just got finished with a business meeting. “Until next time”
“Until next time” he repeats your words and heads back to his car.
You watch him drive away through your living room window, hoping he’ll turn around to give you one last kiss, but he doesn’t. It’s probably for the best anyways.
_
It had been two weeks since returning to Hawkins and Steve couldn’t shake the feeling he had. It was the heart wrenching feeling you have when you miss someone, and he didn’t want to miss you, but he did. Severely.
Somehow, his apartment had felt lonelier. His bed felt colder as he grew accustomed to sharing a bed with you for only three nights, despite the gap that was left between you and him the first two nights.
He hasn’t seen you since he dropped you off two weeks ago and there’s nothing else to say except that he misses you.
He misses your laugh, he misses your banter, and he misses the way he felt when he kissed you that Saturday night. Like it was something you should’ve been doing this whole time.
The clock on his bedside table reads 12:48 and he decides he can’t take this anymore. He can’t go through another sleepless night feeling like this.
He throws his blankets off his body and gets dressed, putting on the first thing he could find and running out the front door.
He didn’t care anymore.
He didn’t care about what Robin would say, or that you and Eddie used to be a thing, or that this could end in complete fucking disaster.
All he cared about was what he wanted and that was you.
_
A series of knocks at your door wasn’t what you expected at one in the morning.
Obviously, the first thing that came to mind was a murderer, but when you looked through your peephole, you saw a very frantic Steve.
“Steve? Are you okay?” his eyes were wide, his hair was a mess, and he was clearly jittery.
“No, actually, I’m losing my mind. I mean, you tell me I can have you for one night and you thought that I could go back to normal after that?”
“I’m…sorry?”
“No, listen. I can’t go back to normal. I have wanted you for as long as I’ve known you and then we finally fucking kiss and I have to pretend like it wasn’t the best thing that’s happened to me a really long goddamn time. I want you and I can’t act like I don’t’’
You practically throw yourself at him, quickly crashing your lips together and pulling him inside. you’d been waiting so long for this.
“We can't tell any of our friends about this” kiss. “Agreed” kiss. “I mean this could totally blow up in our faces, there's no reason to tell them, right” you state, pulling away from his lips.“Uh-huh, right. Now shut up and kiss me again”
You stand in your living for at least ten minutes, kissing him like it’s the only thing you’ll ever do again until exhaustion hits you both.
“do you wanna stay tonight? I don’t want you out driving this late”
“I wouldn’t be able to leave anyways”
It feels weird at first to be cuddling Steve. Just a few weeks ago you swore up and down he hated you, and now you’re both curled up in your bed, clinging to each other like your life depends on it. It doesn’t feel wrong, though. It feels natural. Like, you’ve figured everything out. Well, almost everything.
What else did you need to figure out? How the hell you were going to keep this from your friends.
_
taglist: @nix-rose-q @eternallyvenus @freezaz123 @whisperingwillowxox @buckysmetalhand @x-theolivia @realsuper-dark @eddiesguitarskills @megxplryxb @alicetweven @calmoistorm @impossibelle @k-k0129 @moonofthedevil @tinakham @kennedy-brooke @enco12e @sierrahhh @meet-me-backstage @whoringtonmunswhore
(a few blogs i was unable to tag :( i’m not sure if that’s an issue on my end or not but i’ll try to figure it out!)
#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington angst#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington fic#steve harrington series#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington enemies to lovers#steve harrington#stranger things fic#steve harrington stranger things
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So hey long time no see, just popping in to say that this video by Official_TVC is bullshit.
So summary + thoughts:
Video starts off with defintions on different types of stalking & they say Vivienne has experienced all this kind of stalking. Then goes on to say its 2 individuals doing this stalking and they we the viewer doesn't need to know them, Official_TVC has done a lot of research on them and we should should trust Official & their word without evidence because apparently they retweeted something on twitter & it was a tumblr post thats supposedly exposed Vivienne's siblings, personal things ect. All this is hearsay by you, it shouldn't make the average viewer trust your word. Yes I've seen things but that was from posts I've seen.
Aside -honestly Official should be questioning the anon asks we get on here, some of the asks contain some questionable info like how do you get that info. People get asks on here containing info, people don't go out & hunt all Vivienne's private life, we receive stuff thats how things come to light, OTHER PEOPLE SEND US STUFF.
All the background of the video is helluva boss/hazbin scenes coupled with music from respective shows. No evidence, not even heavily censored evidence to protect Vivienne, just Official_TVC talking & basically saying "trust me bro I did research, believe me". This is heinous accusations, individuals you are talking about & you give nothing. It could be lies for all people know, I don't even believe & I've seen the things you're referring to.
Continued, the stalkers, the 1st one is a "troll" according to Official_TVC & the second is supposedly so bad they were quote " has been 15 ft from vivziepop", no backing on that 15ft statement, Official_TVC just states this. All this stalking, entire pages made is because of a ship. Leaking show stuff (aside again, is GIVEN TO US VIA ANONYMOUS ASKS).
They carry on to say essentially all this hate talk on Viv on YT is cos she's popular, they got nothing of meaning to say on Viv cos they hate her so much they can't talk about her positively. They then mention a person has a never ending stream that just feeds misinformation other YouTubers & quote "on the precipice of wanting to strangle a woman (Viv) who made the crime of making demons gay". Wtf does that mean, who has this never ending stream of feeding misinformation to other YouTube, who & wtf are you talking about.
Anyway, goes on to compare spindlehorse workplace allegations to Amazon (yes ironic) & how Amazon treats its workers really bad... do I need to say more. Goes on to say everyone ragged on Viv because hazbin hotel is on Amazon, Amazon is bad & quote by Official_TVC is cos "everyone looks for an excuse to hate". Ok now I'm giving evidence on why people ragged on Viv for prime since you give jackshit.
Amazon/prime is currently being boycotted, its on the bds list why people were saying to pirate hazbin. Not some bullshit reason Official gave on it being mindless hate. Here is a video explaining why people are boycotting Amazon:
Vivienne also like this post from a fan, do I need to spell out how fucking disgusting this tweet is and the fact that she liked it.
Official carrys on to say stalker 1 did 3 things, doxxed Vivienne, & in their words if you go to said person's page Official states "im pretty sure they know where vivziepop lives". That is speculation, thats your opinion cos no evidence is provided or can be for that matter cos this is what YOU think. Dropping as Official says "nuggets" of info on Viv's siblings University, their work (this info was from a sibling's linked in page, public info). Can I say aside, I know her sibling's names. Why, not from stalking but from them leaving comments on Viv's speeddraws and Viv publicly naming them on her PUBLIC socials. And if you know someone's name you can easily find out what uni they went to, if you know my name & search me up you know what uni I go to its in the public on their linked in, social posts ect.
They go on to talk about how terrible leaking Viv's shows are, which idgaf. Amazon is a zionist corporation I'm pirating anything of Vivienne. Even invincible which I love, pirated it. Fans should too (since I see a lot of fans with free palastine in bio but still pay for prime). Anyway thats on them.
TW: talks of sexual harassment. So Official doesn't want to give more info on this individual which I respect & understand. However they say stalker 1 is sexually harrassing this person, sending content of a sexual nature all because the victim in this situation didn't agree with stalker 1 on the stalker's sentiments on hazbin hotel. I understand protecting the victim but my soul you're literally protecting the perpetrator. Expose them, you keep staying stalker 1 & 2 CALL THEM OUT. Protect the victims but expose the perpetrators.
They go on to stalker 2, who know stalker 1. Stalker 2 supposedly went to the hazbin premiere. They were there to keep an eye on vivziepop Official quotes. No evidence of this quote or info just them relaying it. Again this is all your words against what. Yeah that is concerning it really is but substantiate this evidence & quotes. This is the 1st time I'm hearing about this so I would like to know more on this & this heinous person. But you don't give any evidence. Official says " these people need to be stopped", how can they be stopped. You give no names, no info or evidence, its wishful thinking you saying this. I'm harping on and on on about Official gives no evidence but its so flipping frustrating hearing them spout all this WITH NOTHING to back their words.
TW again: Mentions of suicide and Shay a fan bullied by the fandom who then took their own life. Know a lot of people are still saddened by what led to Shay's passing why I mention this.
Official says stalker 1 is using the death of Shay to entice fruther harrassed on Vivienne. Its "apparently now", huskerdust fans went after Shay with heinous harassment & Shay subsequently ended their life, may they rest in peace. Official claims stalker 1 says Vivziepop is directly responsible for Shay's death. Shay's death was worded as "apparently" but stalker 1 using Shay's death to pin it on Vivziepop is stated as a fact. How disgusting can you be someone died & its apparently so to you but your word of mouth should be considered fact, fuck off. Official then goes on to say... sighs quote "we do not hold politicians accountable when they massacre people of other countries... bloodlines don't exist but we don't blame the politicians pushing the buttons".
Ok wtf, yes we do we blame Biden & other politicians & presidents for pushing the figurative & literally buttons on massacring Palestinians & other minorities, WE DO so wtf are you talking about. I honestly hate Official at this point because wtf are they saying. I don't blame vivziepop on Shay's death, even though when there was attempts to reach Vivienne on what was happening to Shay, maybe the channels they used like email didn't get the message across unfortunately. What I absolutely hate is when fans, like official now use Shay's death as a pawn in relation to people hating on Viv. No one that I've see & I'm saying it now I know who these stalker 1 & 2 are not even they were as disgusting as Official & fans to use Shay's death as to further hate on Vivienne. What Official_TVC is saying is bullshit.
And I disregard everything Official_TVC says after they hearted this comment, fuck you Official_TVC for hearting this vile comment.
I link a screenshot of the outreach to Vivienne via email on Shay aswell as the document on Shay's.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSfCoyn81fp83pycx5eyS4oxryRpFnVnHdEeyEyouigrKSWAZ5iEgTjt7Q63n68S_PcZK7_klB-9dH1/pub
In all this video is a load of nothing, bullshit actually & just vile on the parts of Shay. They ended of once again reiterating they won't give proof because people just want names & evidence for the tea/gossip & they want to protect Vivienne, shoo shoo. Again trust me bro, I did the research so trust me.
I want to reiterate I condone no actions if provided true on stalker 1 or 2. But from what I've seen of them is all out of context, lies spread by the fandom & things just made up down the grapevine. I don't do this for likes, clout or other bullshit the fandom says. Wouldn't be of me on my nature and the work that I do. Come with substantial evidence, then we discuss & make conclusions but for now
...
I hate Vivienne and this fandom, bye all.
#vivziepop critical#helluva boss critical#spindlehorse critical#my post#hazbin hotel critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss fandom critical
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hey could I be 🦕, if it's not taken?
I also have a request lol, could u do a meltdown comfort fic? ( definitely not requesting this be I had a meltdown over not having the right pasta sauce for my comfort/safe food) like where a male reader has a bunch of little things built up and it spills over when there's no more of readers comfort/safe food and they end up lashing out and having a meltdown because of it
anyways have a good evening,thx!
Hiya, I'm really sorry thats taken 😔 (I need to make a list lmao) - assuming you're not the other 🦕 anon currently in my drafts 😅
I hope this is okay, I don't have autism or meltdowns, so feel free to let me know if I've gotten anything wrong. I don't think the reader in this has a meltdown, he was distressed and then stims to regulate his emotions. But yeah, feel free to let me know if I get anything wrong, I don't want to offend anyone or anything.
Warnings: reader is distressed, meltdown
"(Y/N)? What's wrong-"
"Can you just fuck off?!" Everyone falls silent as the words burst from your mouth. You immediately look down, mentally scolding yourself for yelling at Hotch like that. Hotch. Of all people. Who had been nothing but kind to you since you joined. Who always made sure you were okay. Who was also your boss. "I- I'm sorry-" Your voice is quiet and Hotch has to strain his ears to hear you.
Instead of yelling, like everyone assumed he would, his gaze softens as he looks at you. "How about we head up to my office for a few minutes, okay?" His voice is reassuring and is doing nothing for your guilt and the dread for what he would say when it was just the two of you.
You hadn't meant to snap at him, but everything had just built up and built up and it was your tipping point. You should have just gone home.
It had started this morning when it turns out you had run out of milk - meaning you couldn't have cereal and a cup of coffee for breakfast. Then, you couldn't find the socks you had planned on wearing, you missed the early bus because of how long you had tried to find the socks you wanted to wear, and that made you almost late for work. And then, when you opened the fridge, it turns out someone had eaten the last of your safe foods you kept stocked up in the fridge.
You knew no one on the team would have taken it, they knew you were particular about your food (that's how you had worded it when you first joined the team - they knew the reasoning behind it now, of course but its still how you described it). And they always tried their best to make sure that you had food in the fridge that you liked.
You follow him to his office silently, you don't miss the look he shoots the rest of the team - who quickly make themselves look busy. So you don't feel more on edge than you already do. Your heart twinges at this. You had just yelled at him and here he was, being incredibly sweet to you.
When you reach his office, he shuts the door gently behind him and motions to the couch, you sit. "You don't have to speak until you're ready, whatever you need to do to help regulate your emotions is okay."
You take a moment to process his words before you give a small nod. It takes a few seconds before you gently start to rock, humming gently to yourself. Hotch sits down on the couch, at the other end. He wanted you to know he was there if you needed him, but enough space to do what you needed to. He slowly picked up the book on the coffee table, flicking to the page he was currently on.
Eventually, when your stimming comes to an end, Hotch closes the book. He had been keeping a close eye on you, not really paying attention to the book. He had just wanted to make you comfortable.
"You weren't reading," You state quietly.
"I wasn't," Hotch says with a nod.
"Thank you," You reply. You knew what he was doing - he had done it a few times during similar situations.
"That's alright," He gives a small (rare) smile, "Did you want to talk about what's going on?"
"It's just been a bad day." You shrug, "No coffee, no breakfast, wrong socks, and now no safe food," You felt your cheeks tint pink ever so slightly in embarrassment.
Hotch just nods, "I understand. What snack in particular were you craving?"
"I wanted a chocolate muffin," You shrugged, running a hand over your face. All you could think about was how stupid this all was.
"Is that the Starbucks one?" When you nod, Hotch smiles slightly and rummages about in his desk. "I had a feeling that this might happen at some point. So I stocked up on your safe foods." He said, pulling out a muffin. "There you go. As for drinks, take whatever you fancy,"
You look up, eyes slightly wide at the unexpected kindness. "Thank you,"
"That's alright, and (Y/N)?"
"Yeah?"
"Anytime you're feeling overwhelmed, or if the day isn't going quite right, you're more than welcome to come sit up here, okay?"
"Okay."
#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#criminal minds fanfiction#x male reader#reader#x reader#male reader#autistic reader#autistic male reader#hotch
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Things I Have Noticed/Remembered from my MCDiaries rewatch
I will be updating this as I continue my rewatch, currently everything listed is out of order, cause I've started writing this as I am on episode 64 of season 1 and I don't feel like fixing it to be in order, so sorry!
What the fuck was Garroth's "plan" he mentions to Zenix in the first episode 😭
Zenix seems to be younger then Garroth in Diaries, considering the way that Garroth talks about him, but I think in MyStreet, Zenix is either the same age or slightly older then Garroth, so far this is like, the only obvious age difference between the series (besides Travis and everyone else of course)
I forgot how entertaining Brendan's character is, he's far less annoying then I remembered
ZANE AS AN ACTUAL BAD PERSON, I LOVE HIM
I love Vylad, but I legit forgot how much he was in Diaries season 1, I thought he was in it far less
Currently at the stage of Diaries where there is no lgbt+ people, i'm very disappointed by this (we haven't even reached the queerbaiting)
KC's character is....not as bad (racist) as I was expecting, still not great though. I'm choosing to believe that KC is from Tu'lu and Maid Cafes are a thing there, and "Kawaii~Chan" is just a stage name for her work.
Y'all know how Cadenza went missing and she was actually turned into a chicken? Yeah, the way Hayden, Castor, & Laurance talk about her to Aphmau makes it sound like Cadenza is a small child. But then it turns out she's the same age, if not older, then Laurance and Aphmau.
Aphmau should've just made Joh and Hayden lovers, I'm so serious, it would make the whole Cadenza and Laurance being "close like siblings" in season 1 to I think actually being called as siblings in season 2 and in MyStreet a lot easier to understand and make a lot more sense.
Why does Kenmur have like, some sort of romance with all the girls from Meteli??? He was engaged to Sasha and is stated to have feelings for Cadenza.
I love when the episodes open from Sasha's POV, and she goes and talks to Gene and there's just no voices. I love having to pause to read what they're saying. (this point is sarcasm)
The way literally everyone reacted to learning Laurance was blind was....icky. Like, I understand Cadenza and Aphmau reacting as like "we need to find a way to bring his sight back", but the fact that it was literally EVERYONE who decided he needed to get his sight back was so weird.
I don't mind Laurance ACTUALLY getting his sight back, but I wish it was done differently. Like, personally, I'd have him like, have to wash his face with the water of the fountain of Lady Irene.
Emma & Corey, Dale & Molly, and Logan & Donna are very sweet couples.
After Zoey and KC were able to turn Cadenza back to her human form, Zoey mentions that she "recognizes Cadenza from somewhere", but I don't think this goes anywhere???? I'm assuming it was supposed to hint at like, Cadenza's backstory.
ngl, I kinda wish we got more of Zane and Kiki's relationship, I really wanna know what side of Zane Kiki actually saw.
Anyway, Kiki is currently expecting.
Nicole (my beloved) has showed up. I've decided I won't question the logic behind her iron fists being able to break bedrock, and instead say that her referencing her iron fists just made me think of Ace from One Piece and Natsu & Gajeel from Fairy Tail.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT NICOLE'S FOX, ROXY, AND ABOUT THE WYVERNS IN GENERAL 😭
I need to mention that in one episode (before Aphmau went to Scaleswind and learned about Lady Irene), Garroth says to Aphmau "by the seven", which I think she was hurt, but the use of "by the seven" is similar to how the same phase would be used in Game of Thrones or to how irl lots of people say "oh my god", so I'm really wondering if there were originally supposed to be 7 Divine Warriors instead of 6.
The way when Aphmau found Levin and decided to keep him and Garroth IMMEDIATLY decided he would be Levin's father figure.
The way when Laurance found out that Aphmau had a kid, his response was to play with Levin and say to Aphmau "you didn't tell me you had this little buddle of joy/energy".
That's all for now, I'll like, update when I have more to add.
#aphmau diaries#aphmau minecraft diaries#minecraftdiaries#minecraft diaries#mcdiaries#mcd aphmau#mcd#aphmau mcd#aphblr#aphmau#aphverse#garroth aphmau#garroth ro'meave#mcd garroth#zane ro'meave#zane aphmau#zane mcd#aphmau zenix#zenix mcd#brendan aphmau#brendan mcd#vylad ro'meave#vylad mcd#kawaii chan#kawaii chan aphmau#kawaii chan mcd#nana ashida#nana aphmau#nana mcd#cadenza zvahl
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Run Away
Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader
Summary: You were never a shy person, until it came to talking to the boy you liked.
A/N: Well, this is my first time writing something like this so... please be nice. I was kinda tired of only seeing shy!reader stuff so I decided to base this on my personality. So yeah, kind of based on a true story. What reader does in this story I've actually done in real life which is mortifying. Anyways!!! This is just edited by me so lmk how I can improve and if I should write a part 2??? Maybe?? Idk. Enjoy!
PS: Robin and Steve work together, nothing monstery has happened, they're all in the same grade. It's a bunch of dumb teenagers together battling high school.
Warnings: sfw, cursing, fluff? people being dumb?? idk what else tbh
You've never considered yourself to be a shy person. In fact, you were very much so extroverted, never finding qualms in chatting to your classmates or asking you're teacher questions in class that some may think are stupid. You didn't care.
Aside from being a little nervous back in elementary school, that trait had dissolved as you got older, and it definitely wasn't present at the moment during your senior year at Hawkins High.
However. As much as you liked to claim to be unbothered with public speaking and your ability to make friends easily, there was one thing that you couldn't just quite get over, no matter how hard you tried. And quite frankly, it was getting old and ridiculous.
"Fuck, Robin he's coming down the hall," you exclaimed, "move, move, move, move!"
You didn't bother checking if she was behind you, already knowing she would be as you practically ran to your second period class. It was the first day of the new semester anyways, you could use the excuse of wanting to get good seats to justify your cowardice to yourself later tonight.
"Jesus Christ," you heard Robin mutter as she finally caught up to you, "You know I have asthma, I cannot keep doing this every time you so much catch a glimpse of Steve."
You slowed down your pace, your heart not feeling as though it would burst out of your chest anymore. You still sported a slight flush on your face from the thought of the almost encounter you had with the jock.
"I know, I know, this is getting so stupid. I promise next time I'll talk to him, I swear," you said as you sighed forlornly.
Robin turned to you with an unimpressed stare. "That's what you said last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, and yet here we are," she waved her hands dramatically.
Here's your problem. An issue that is a complete juxtaposition of your usual personality. The moment you've ever realized you have a crush on someone, you would run away from them anytime you saw them. Literally. You would full on sprint away in the opposite direction.
You've never really understood why this happens, only knowing that the second you saw your current crush, you're usual non existent nerves would make a prevalent appearance. You'd freeze and your eyes would widen as your brain chose the flight response when confronted with a potential dangerous situation.
"Look dingus, I love you and I think you're awesome and all that, blah blah blah, but this has got to stop," Robin stated as you both took your seats in your English class. "You're embarrassing me just as much as you're embarrassing yourself and our social status cannot take that much more of a beating."
You knew she was joking but just grunted in response, having buried your face in the crook of your elbow, not even bothering to open up your notebook. You heard Robin sigh and could tell she was rolling her eyes at you.
"You know..." Robin started, "I could always just...talk to him for you? Give him you're number or something during our shift at-"
Your raised your head immediately, almost giving yourself whiplash. "Robs, no way. We've talked about this before! I just - this situation is already awkward as it is, that would just make it worse."
"Hey, I'm just trying to help, but if you wanna suffer some more that's totally your choice." Robin says as she shrugs her shoulders. "Besides, with all that running your doing, at least you're getting some cardio in."
You let out as surprised squawk. "Robin come on! Not funny!" She doesn't reply, merely continuing to laugh at you. All you did was just groan in response again, settling your head in your arms once more.
A few weeks ago, you had been walking to your locker whilst attempting to shove a bunch of textbooks into your bag at the same time. Obviously, everything fell and it just so happened that Steve was nearby and helped you out.
"Oh my God, you don't have to, it's totally fine," you'd stammered, just the tiniest bit embarrassed of dropping your books in the middle of the crowded hallway.
"Don't sweat it, it happens to the best of us." Steve chuckled as he handed you your notebook.
And then it happened. The event that you frequently replay over and over in your mind, the event that kickstarted the affections you had for the boy.
Once everything was stored safely in your bag, Steve stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. He then turned his attention to you and simply offered you his hand to help you up.
You stared into his big, brown eyes, completely dumbfounded. Here he was, an average man doing the absolute bare minimum and yet you still found yourself practically falling at his feet, your heart feeling as thought it was going to beat out of your chest.
"I- uh, I mean, thanks for the hand Steve," you stammered as you tentatively took his hand and pulled yourself off the floor. You cringed when you felt that it was sort of shaking and kind of clammy, hoping Steve wouldn't notice. "Both literally and figuratively."
You wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow you up after you blurted out those words. To your surprise, Steve let out a laugh, a genuine laugh. His eyes sort of crinkled and you could see the slight indent of a dimple. As if the man needed to get any more attractive in your eyes.
"It's no problem at all," he reassured you. "I'll be seeing you." He gave a quick wave and then turned in the direction of the cafeteria. Your hands tightened on the straps of your backpack as you watched him walk away, admiring the view.
Oh ew, you suddenly thought to yourself, now that was just pathetic.
Ever since that moment, you couldn't give yourself that last push you needed to talk to him. Even after the multitude of pep talks you give yourself in the mirror, including the ones from Robin, you still always ran away whenever you saw him.
You'd be a fool to think he didn't notice it and prayed he didn't mistake it for you hating him or something.
The sound of the bell signaling the start of class pulled you from your misery, forcing you to pay attention to your teacher so you didn't face the consequences of falling behind so early in the term.
Amidst your groveling, you'd failed to notice a particular brunet enter the class and take a seat at a desk a few rows behind you. Who knows what your reaction would have been if you did. Robin just kept her mouth shut, simply winking in Steve's direction when she caught his eye.
"Alright class, settle down and listen up," your teacher began. "I know it's the first day of the semester, but I wanted to introduce an assignment before anything else to make sure you have enough time to complete it and do an excellent job."
The entire class let out a collective groan, yourself included. How could she already be giving out assignments when she hasn't even properly introduced herself?
You turned to Robin, brows furrowed in annoyance. "I think she's got her agenda mixed up, she's introducing things in the wrong order."
"Fuck this, I should've taken Eddie's warning more seriously. Now I understand why everyone hates her," Robin gripped, running a hand through her cropped hair, already looking a little stressed.
You nodded in agreement and added, "I think I get why people hate English so much too."
Robin laughed. "But you'll still love it anyways, won't you?" she chided. Before you had a chance to reply, your teacher began speaking again.
"Settle down, please! If you listen, you'd hear that this not due until the last month of the semester and you'll be working in partners," she stated, "so not only will you have plenty of time to work on it, but you'll also have some help." You and Robin glanced at each other, hopefully smiles tugging at both of your faces.
"Your partners will be assigned by me," the whole class collectively groaned again, "which is what I'll be doing as we get through attendance. I'll explain the criteria before moving on."
"Yep, I think I hate this class at least a little bit now," you complained to Robin, already making a mental checklist of what school stuff you should at least start on later in the afternoon.
"-ohn Gilmore, Phoebe Burton, partners. Steve Harrington, Y/N Y/L/N, partners. Billy Holden, Rob-"
You froze for a second, as if you were glitching. Steve was in... this class? There was no way, you would have absolutely noticed him. But as you snuck a glance behind you, sure enough there he was, sitting in his chair, mindlessly twirling a pencil through his fingers. To your surprise, he was actually looking back at you too and- wait hold up, was he smirking?
You immediately spun back around, hand lurching to grip onto the sides of your desk. You then blinked a couple of time, praying your face wasn't as red as you felt like it was.
"Nope, nope, absolutely not. No thank you," you said as you shook your head from side to side. "Miss, this is a joke right?" you inquired out loud.
You were eventually going to talk to Steve, you were sure of it. The day was coming where you could have some sort of a conversation with him without running away, you could feel it. The moment was almost here.
Today, however, was absolutely not that day.
Just when you were about to complain to you teacher out loud again, you feel a presence behind you.
"Oh come on, you're already dismissing me as a terrible English partner? I'm wounded, seriously." The voice was laced in amusement. You did not need to turn around to know who it belonged to.
Before you could even think of a response, Robin turns to you, clearly finding your horror to the situation hilarious, and says, "Well, I think you're going to hate this class a little bit too."
Well fuck.
#steve harrington#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x y/n#stranger things#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington scenario#steve harrington one shot#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington drabble#steve harrington headcanon#steve harringt#steve harrington blurb#stranger things fanfic#stranger things imagine#stranger things fic#stranger things fluff#stranger things fandom
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*Later on, Destino finally made their way to Reshi’s room in order to get themselves ready into their gear. The gown was neatly rolled up in the royal blue bag that rested on their back. The slipped it on, feeling a sense of comfort from it. The lining was incredibly soft and Destino took some joy from wearing it. As much as they didn’t have many luxuries down in the Underdark, they were thankful for what they could get. They began to do their lashes when the creature from before slithered out from the body pillow and hung onto their shoulder.*
Destino: Are you still deciding to use my belongings as a means of movement? I still haven’t authorised you to use it, you know.
???: We apologise but it is convenient for us to use. And we also appreciate the softness of it.
Destino: Well, that’s something we can both agree on. Anyway, talk. What are you and why have you chosen me? I really don’t need anymore drama coming from this evening.
???: We have been known by many names. The most common one mortals seem to like for us is the Endless Nightmare. For you see, our powers are that of helping others through their nightmares to allow for pleasant dreams. We have been known to inflict them too but we try not to do it as often.
Destino: I do that because it’s funny seeing them get annoyed. Best part is when they try to insult you back. I would never actually want to be a legend. It seems like too much effort if you ask me. Why would I want to waste my time with all of those responsibilities?
???: We are aware of the effort it takes being one who governs an aspect of life itself.
Destino: Of course. You still haven’t answered my other question. Why me? Why not any of the other guests here? You seemed to get along swimmingly with that other one. Perhaps go bother him some more.
???: We have been sent to keep an eye on you. You are…unstable at the current moment and so we must make sure you do not destabilise.
Destino: What the fuck does that mean?
???: We assume you are aware of the strange occurrence of being here. How have you gotten here when you were travelling with your friends before?
Destino: It’s crossed my mind.
???: It is because you are not supposed to be here. It is not an event that had been planned for in the grand timeline of this universe. Your coming here has lead to you becoming increasingly unstable and there is talk of you reverting back to your original state. As the almighty has said, we cannot have another failure.
Destino: Buddy, I have no idea what you’re talking about and it honestly sounds rather boring. Though, I don’t like the fact you’re calling me unstable. Come on, I’m not that bad.
???: Our apologies if it came off to be rude. We suppose we can simplify the explanation for you to better grasp its meaning. You are aware of the fact that you need to save the world, correct?
Destino: Urgh, don’t remind me. Another responsibility that has taken me away from relaxing on my throne.
???: Well, every second you are here is time lost. You should already be in Terrestria if you would have stayed on the correct path. However, with you hopping from event to event, it is making you have less time to stop the threat from above. Of course, not all of these instances are your fault. It seems the great legends, such as the void spirit, have plans and are using you for these events.
Destino: Oh great. Just what I wanted to hear. I’m a puppet to some greater beings. You’re just awful at making Pokémon feel better.
???: We can stop if you so desire.
Destino: Please do. I’m already tired of listening to your voice and I’m sure Reshi doesn’t want to wait any longer for me. I have no idea what she could possibly want. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she found out everything I had done and wanted to kick me out. Then again, that would be an achievement. Being kicked out of an event meant for legends. An impressive feat.
???: Oh! The truth bearer! I wish to meet with her!
Destino: Of course you do. Fine. You can continue to use my pillow. But if you do anything else to make my evening go to shit, I’m not going to let you use it for transport, got it?
???: We understand! We will not cause trouble. Will you cause trouble?
Destino: That’s kinda my thing, causing trouble. It’s actually my middle name.
???: It’s not.
*Destino finished getting themselves changed into their night gear, slipping on their pink, fluffy slippers as a final touch. Before Destino left to go and find Reshi, they placed a couple of the berries they obtained from the grafaiai earlier inside of one of the drawers as a fun little surprise for her. Maybe she’d find them early before they started to rot. Maybe not.*
#pokemon ask blog#pokemon#pokemon askblog#pokemon oc#ask blog#ask the royal absol#destino the absol#pokeask#ask#darkrai#LoUsleepover#pokeask community#absol
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I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT YOUR LINK POST
"At least you feel something"
AT LEAST YOU FEEL SOMETHING, AAAAAAH
Ugh dude head in my hands like. I almost need to relisten to this episode just to take all the Lincoln bits in properly. Matt's done such a good job at slowly making him less and less emotive and more and more closed off- and he really took the fucking LEGO bit and ran with it to serve a greater purpose (case in point with that quote!). I just need Grant and/or Marco to give that boy a hug aaaaah. Loved how straight he was with Norm in that convo near the end too, but I'd def need to give it a relisten before saying anything more specific on the matter.
(I'm so sorry but if you'll excuse me taking this as an opportunity to vent a bit-)
😅🙃 Also trying to avoid paying too much attention to some of the questionable takes I'm already seeing on him lol. Especially regarding the teen fact (which for the record I liked) aha like. y'all we already knew that Lincoln was a jealous kid when it came to his dads' affection- it's almost as though his dads created an environment in which they were his only source of attention (and really just. his whole world) so he wound up being very possessive over them. He isn't like. Evil cause of one bad thing he did as a child (and at least we know from Matt that this is "the worst thing he's ever done")- nor do I think it tracks to say that this somehow speaks to the kind of person he is in general. Rather, he absolutely is still very possessive of his dads (decreasingly so over the course of the season but still), but he's not like- the jealous type outside of that? I certainly don't think so anyways, not from what we've seen this season, and certainly not relative to some of the other PCs actually. I'm also seeing his current state be used to vilify him, which doesn't surprise me cause the fandom has villainized his dissociative episodes on many other occasions, but it still irks me lol.
I was happy that Scary was at least trying to look out for him regarding the LEGO stuff! But. Gah. It's like someone needs to break through to him but they've waited way too long for that be possible through a simple, "you wanna talk about it?"- y'know? Really looking forward to seeing how this develops. Ah! And regarding some of the comments you left on another post of mine- I totally agree that Lincoln's real arc (specifically in relation to his dad) is anything but over and dealt with! Again, really looking forward to (but also terrified of) what's to come!
#thanks for the ask!#dndads#dndads spoilers#dungeons and daddies#dndads s2 ep 48#lincoln li wilson#always very flattered by any variation of ''thinking about your post ___'' haha#asks
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Bottleneck.
I went to Minneapolis for work: the birthplace of Brenda and Brandon Walsh, the city where Mavis from Young Adult calls home. I was being interviewed at a college in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I do college talks as often as they'll have me. To be frank, the money is good. I think back to all the colleges I visited back in my Thought Catalog days—Princeton, Yale, UCLA, McGill, Emerson, University of Vermont—when I didn't have an agent and students would ask me what my quote was.
"Um, just pay for my flight and hotel? IDC!" I said.
One time I gathered up the courage to ask for $500. Now I know I could've made more than my yearly salary.
But it's not about the money. Not entirely. I've realized, especially in recent years, that I love dedicating chunks of time to things that have nothing to do with my Real Life. Getting flown to a city I would never go to ordinarily, researching restaurants, eating the local cuisine (aka going on Grindr) feeling beholden to no one, getting to talk to a group of kids who've been spent the last few years living primarily with Ideas, it's heaven. It feels luxurious, like a nibble of dark chocolate before bed. Sometimes I think if I could live the bulk of my life as a bottle episode—nothing of story consequence, could stand on its own or be cut for time—I would. Bottle episodes are typically the strongest, anyway. They don't have to be bogged down with exposition or serialization. They can just exist and show off the good bones of a TV show.
As you get older, it's harder to just exist. Suddenly everything has consequence, everything is connected. We've designed our lives to to be constantly building, building, building. Go here to get there.
When I'm in these random cities, I'm going fucking nowhere. I'm laying in my hotel bed, AC blasting, watching episodes of Chopped at 1am, my jet-lagged face lit up by my laptop. I'm Googling "Best coffee in Minneapolis" I'm drinking the best coffee in Minneapolis (really good, tbh) I'm working out in the hotel gym with the other mentally ill freaks who can't go three days without exercise endorphins, I'm thinking about going to this museum everyone is raving about while knowing full well I am never going to go, I'm answering an email or two, I'm accidentally getting a huge chunk of writing done—writing that would've taken me a week in Los Angeles—because nobody knows me here, nothing is expected of me. I have nowhere to be. I am really horny all of the time. Hotels put you in that frame of mind. The bed says: "Why are you not having sex with a stranger on me? That's what I'm here for." And then sometimes I do have sex with a stranger. If it's good, the place I'm visiting will suddenly feel like home. Now that I've had a local's penis inside of me, I get why people live here. If it's bad, the limits of the bottle episode will be tested when I fly back in a rotten mood.
Does my enjoyment of these "work trips" belie a larger dissatisfaction with my real life? Yes. No. Maybe. Fuck off.
A state of unease has settled on my chosen city, Los Angeles. The industry I work in is like a weather forecast. And just like the real weather, there's been an inordinate amount of rain. Something's not right. (actual weather: Climate change, Hollywood: Monopoly is being adapted into a movie.) No one knows how to fix it. When will the person in charge come back? Wait. You're telling me there was never a person in charge? Oh no.
Of course, my ego requires me to say I am one of the lucky ones in that I currently, as of this writing, have a job. But even in bustling times, a writer feels insecure. Being prosperous means knowing what the next six months of your life looks like. That's it. And then it's back to planting those seeds knowing most won't bear any fruit. (I spend three days in the Midwest and I'm trying out farming metaphors.)
When I am in these cities or small towns, I am there for a job, which means I know money is coming in. And anything happening back in Los Angeles is none of my goddamn business. Until it has to be.
These cities I visit are full of ambitious people but I project so much on to them. They've chosen to live in cities with affordable housing and James Beard award-winning restaurants. Any unease they feel comes from within and not from watching the Hollywood stock market, otherwise known as the trades. Their lives belong to them whereas I don't know if mine totally does. There's so much powerlessness that comes with my profession. What if a network that is paying my mortgage merges with a Sbarro's tomorrow and, poof, no more job? I wish I were joking but the only comedy getting made right now is Real Life, streaming everywhere.
I want to figure out how to live life more like a bottle episode. How can I take this back to Los Angeles without becoming irresponsible? I don't want a different life. I just want my life to stop feeling different. I want things to go back to "normal" which, for Hollywood, is still crazy but, like, I'm not scared of Sbarro's taking my job.
I am a cynical optimist. Everything is cyclical. It will land somewhere. But, in the meantime, how do you stay inspired when you are told everybody is looking for things that are "safe" which is code for "nothing that comes out of your faggot gimp brain?" How am I supposed to feel when I see my business chasing after IP no one gives a shit about and spending $200 million because they can only conceive of teeny tiny or big bang boom? Baby Reindeer is one of the most popular TV shows right now. I haven't seen it yet but it's a show with no stars (no offense!) and no action figures. Just people trying to figure out less painful ways to be alive, like all the best kind of art explores. It reminds me of Fleabag's success. When your premise is simple, you can be complex. And, yet, I feel like the wrong lesson will be metabolized. "Stalkers! Let's reboot the movie Disclosure, even though no one watched it the first time!"
The thing is, we're all miserable living under these mandates. And, yet, we made the rules. If only someone would just realize no one is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.
Anyway, my favorite bottle episode is Girls, season two, episode five "One Man's Trash." A show everyone is rediscovering but probably wouldn't get made today for reasons that are made up and nobody understands or agrees with.
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can i ask - what are you thoughts on the current anti-shipping phenomenon in fandom? I've recently gotten into SPN fandom and fallen in love with your fics, but the state of the fandom puzzles me a bit.
Anti-shipping is not a SPN fandom phenomenon, and maybe it seems to be a bigger deal to you because it's a bigger fandom? Wincest and Destiel shippers have been at war since episode 04x01 aired lol...we even have derogatory names for each other: Wincels and Hellers.
(Jokes on the Wincels, because Heller is a fucking awesome name.)
(Wincestiel shippers are fandom unicorns, and they deserve love and respect.)
I've only been involved in fandom since 2011, so most of what I know about anti-shippers comes from piles and piles of posts talking about fandom history, but the gist of it is that this is not current, it is ongoing since the dawn of fandoms, we just have names for it now. Think about Spirk back in the 60s...there were lots of rabid fangirls who saw nothing romantic between them too. We just don't hear as much about them, because they lost their fandom war lol
It's just really loud right now with the rise of conservatism, fascism, and terfs. And social media amplifies all of the above.
Anyway, my thoughts on anti-shippers is that they need to grow up and mind their own business. I am a pro-shipper, which means I believe that anyone has the right to love any ship, no matter how problematic, no matter how much it squicks me out. I believe everyone should be allowed to read whatever vile smut they want, because thought crimes are not real.
Unless a real person is being hurt, have fun.
Antis claim that problematic ships and kinks hurt people, but I think it's important to understand that there's a big difference between accidental and deliberate harm. And harm mitigation is highly important in a world with 7+ billion people and 7+ billion different lived experiences.
If an anti-shipper is hurt by a ship they don't like, they need to learn how to block and filter content so they don't see it, and on the opposite side of that, the vile shippers/kinksters need to tag their nonsense so that they're not accidentally burning someone's eyes out. Which most people ARE kind enough to do. They sit around in their little ficcing circles and cackle over the evil things they're putting their blorbos through, and they put up warning signs, but the antis come barging in to bug them anyway.
In my opinion, many antis are big fucking bullies and do a lot more harm than they claim to try and prevent, and they can all go fuck themselves with something hard and sandpapery.
So uh... yeah, that's how I feel about it 😁
(okay actually I'm not done, there's a lot of anti-shipping discourse about age gaps and what counts as incest that are just... really fucking stupid, and I honestly believe that shit started out because people were grasping for straws to justify why their ship is better than the ship they don't like. unfortunately, the youngins have been soaking up that moral purity language as Objective Truth because they're little sponges. i hope they outgrow that bullshit eventually. i will forgive and forget if they leave behind their purity police badges.)
#ltleramblings#reply#anonymous#purity police#anti shipping#pro shipping#yes i do enjoy the 'problematic' stuff myself#i don't like wincest at all#but i respect people's rights to ship it#i mean i ship cas/jimmy as twins soooooo#pot kettle blah blah blah#someday i want to write a darkfic that alienates my reader base#oh the darkfics that live in my head#i just can't seem to get them out of my imagination and into a fic#the two times i've tried they turned oddly romantic#HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DIRTYBADWRONG#sigh oh well
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thetimesinbetween replied to your post:
(1) please feel free to utterly disregard any/all of this!
(2) i saw this and my heart & soul squeezed because that fucking SUCKS, that breaks my heart, and i want to. like. stuff you in a burlap sack and throw you over my shoulder and take off running. GET OLDCOYOTE OUTTA THERE <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
(3) your brain might be straight-up, like, panicking/sabotaging your happiness in hopes of re-establishing whatever emotional state it has decided is safe. (the vibe: “oh, you’re feeling HAPPY? don’t you know it’s NOT SAFE to be happy? if you’re HAPPY, what NEXT? if you’re HAPPY, then you’re CAPABLE, you’ll have to DO [SOME SCARY THING]. AND you’ll have to do [WHATEVER] and in order to do [THAT THING], you’ll have to BE VULNERABLE.” and so on and so on.)
(4) to be clear, i could absolutely be wrong about this!!! it’s your brain!!! *my* brain loves to do this shit and in my opinion IT IS THE FUCKING WORST.
(5) ok i am currently in a DBT skills group. (this is where me and like 8 other people who are also Severely Struggling and #mentallyill all get together and learn from our 2 intrepid and deeply gay instructors how the fuck to cope, in practical ways, with being alive. and perhaps even. like. build lives we enjoy.) anyway, so, in this group, i learned about a (frankly sort of mindblowing) mechanism called “opposite action.” which is basically a way to decrease the intensity of an emotion.
important caveat: opposite action only really works when (a) you yourself WANT to decrease the intensity of the emotion in the first place, (b) the emotion in question isn’t, like, totally aligned with reality in the first place OR, even if it is aligned with reality, acting on it still wouldn’t help you. (like, imagine this sort of thing: ’ugh it totally makes sense that i feel this way, and it totally makes sense that feeling this way makes me want to do X, but doing X is really REALLY not gonna help me right now, fuuuUUUUUCK.’)
wow. i am not an expert. this is hard to explain. i looked for youtube videos on this for like. half an hour minimum. and they all sucked. YIKES. ✌️sdfsas;kjsasdfs. so, if you are fascinated and/or this seems useful, here is a uhhh fuckin pdf full of charts and bulleted lists: static1.squarespace.com…
if you start on p. 251 of the PDF (“Overview: Changing Emotional Responses”), that should actually properly explain what i’m talking about. I wish I could beam knowledge that I have directly into your brain bc opposite action is very cool actually, and i have done it multiple times and found it helpful, but i am literally linking you to a textbook rn i am so sorry lmao. again please feel free to ignore this :’) <3 <3
(6) in conclusion, absolutely fuck anything sabotaging your joy. you were HAPPY!!! you LOVED doing this thing!!! i want to be like, “i bet you are not stupid actually and also i remember liking your writing, way back when, and i bet it is not bad so THERE,” but like. that doesn’t even matter!!! you could write and then never reread it and never share it, and if it made you enjoy being alive, that’s already Everything.
loving something you are doing while you are doing it…that’s the juicy fucking meat of life!!!!! i am glad you had that & i hope you will have it again & i trust that you will. and just generally i’m rooting for you <3 okay goodnight <3 /end
bless you for all of this, and for the link, i will absolutely check it out and see if it works for me! it sounds SUPER useful and god might be exactly what i need because these emotions are Not Serving Me at all and i want them taken out and shot fjkdls i just want to feel like i used to feel about all this but i don't think that will come until i can write, and publish, and have people read it and be like This Is Not Awful Actually but in order to get there i have to be brave enough to put it out there and I am NOT right now i am a snivelling mess
anything that can help me get out of the snivelling mess stage is more than welcome <3 and beyond that, just, thank you so much for taking the time to say all this it made my day and makes me feel so much better already
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made it through the weekend and even was able to go get some things done before we went and picked Bizzy up from her babysitter. i got my oil changed and i wanted to throw a fit because it cost $68. Ten years ago I could go right down the road and get an oil change for less than $25. what the actual fuck. so goddamn aggravating. told my mom about it and how as usual i'm not even a week into the month and basically all my disability money is gone. all she said was "welcome to adulthood. sad." and i swear i wanted to reach through the phone and shake the shit outta her. last week or the week before, kate and i had a big not-fight and during our talk afterwards we discussed how since my mom is my single biggest trigger and/or the source of seemingly unrelated triggers, i need to go back and make more boundaries or reinforce the ones i tried to put in place a while ago. and i was like hm, okay, i'll have to think about how i can broach the subject of say, being in contact like once a week unless something comes up maybe. then the very next day mom hit me with "you know i think if you didn't come to see me in october i wouldn't have survived" and i just threw my fucking hands in the air and gave up. idk what to fucking do and i don't have a therapist anymore and i'm extra moody about it all right now because i started my period four days late.
in any case regarding money, i was able to not mooch off kate all weekend since we went away so early in the month, and so the only things i "treated" myself to (besides food which is 50/50 on whether or not it's a treat or making life easier or whatever) was a denim boiler suit from walmart, potting soil, four pots, and a grow lamp so i can repot and move the four plants that live on the kitchen windowsill. i've never kept plants alive this long so i don't intend on letting them die yet, so they're getting bigger pots and new soil and i'll likely move them into my bedroom. probably switch night stands and stick them on the one in the far corner with the grow lamp. i wish we had places to put them out in the house but A we get zero sun B the aloe plant and chrysanthemum aren't good for the cats and C i'm the only one that takes care of them anyway so they might as well just stay in my space. and it's also like, is it "treating" myself to something if it's keeping a living thing alive? idk. and the denim boilersuit looks so fucking cute i have no regrets spending $28 on it.
it's still incredibly weird drinking coffee every day but it has been helping my moods, surprisingly. i also make myself have a cup of tea (usually decaffeinated green tea) before bed. i'm still keeping up with my planner, though i'm letting myself slide when it comes to my little goal of reading every day. if i blow through too many stories too fast i burn out, so i'm taking my current book slowly and giving myself some grace to take days off. i've eaten like shit since thursday what with being away from home (and today being busy and too tired to cook) so i've noticed i feel not as good in that respect but i can get back on track maybe by tomorrow. maybe. still being exhausted and also being in my period doesn't really bode well for having the energy to make healthy meals or being able to deny my period mood cravings. i have a very unhealthy relationship with food. my feelings inside turn foul and evil if i can't have exactly what i want to eat when i want it if i have a craving. it might actually be psychotic.
i have some things i've been wanting to write, little fanfic ideas. or maybe not so little. but i can't activate that switch in my brain to actually do it. i have hang ups. a lot of them. bah
oh and i left my apple watch on the other side of the state like a fuckin champ. night yall
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Bocchi the Rock! is a work of art.
Obviously, it's animation, and animation is art. But I mean more than that. BtR as a piece of media is the coalescence of so many art forms and things that I enjoy about creation and media into one coherent work.
And this is from a 4koma manga series.
Read more below the Read More, this is mostly free of spoilers. Mostly.
CHAPTER 1 (yes this has chapters)
Okay, let's set the scene.
The year is...well, let's say just before the 2010s drop. As a kid who still doesn't know much about anime, you stumble across two anime series. The first one in this example is K-On! It's a CGDCT/slice of life (whichever term you prefer) about a girl learning the joy of playing music and making friends...for a rough summary.
It's a really good anime, and for someone who had a pretty poor experience with learning instruments in school (personally, acoustic guitar and piano) it definitely planted the seeds of "guitar is pretty cool" and "making music is pretty cool" in my mind.
...But it's not perfect at doing that. It has the growth across the series, but that growth is streamlined, I'd argue even idealized (though forgiven due to what genre this show is), and it lacks the specific type of impact that I've always been partial to in music.
The other show had that impact.
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is one of my all-time favorite series, and for more than one reason. Today, as you might expect, I'm here to talk about specifically the band scenes of God Knows and Lost My Music.
Fucking Legendary.
This scene has Impact. I can hear this, watch the scene, and it makes me both want to pick up my own guitar or just sing along as if I'm in the crowd. Every time. The genre of the song being to my tastes helps, but on a technical level the delivery and setup is extremely well done.
What this show doesn't have for guitar, though, is the growth. Obviously. If you've seen Haruhi, you know why, and if you haven't, please go watch it? Please? Do it for Nagato. Then watch the movie.
...Anyway.
I'm not a connoisseur of anime. I've honestly barely watched much anime since halfway through college, so I'm sure someone out there has other good examples of a music-focused anime that achieves both that sense of Growth and Impact at the same time.
Good on you. Hopefully you agree that Bocchi the Rock! fucking slaps.
BtR comes out of the gate swinging, and it left me with a concussion. Social recluse discovers the appeal of guitar, and then they timeskip 3 whole years to her being good at the instrument. A reasonable human timeframe is terrifying. I'm not even joking here.
Then they address the issue of learning to play with Other People. This isn't even just applicable to Bocchi, this is about band and group music settings in general. You can be cracked at solo performances, but if you aren't used to even being around someone else, it's going to take time to get used to playing or singing or acting around them comfortably.
ALSO CAN I JUST SAY HERE BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE THAT KESSOKU BAND'S SONGS GO HARD??? NOT JUST THE AUDIO THE MVS ARE ALSO KINDA INSANE what the fuck i am looping them so much ok back to the essay
The depiction of learning and growth doesn't end there by any means. Episode 8 is maybe the hardest I've been hit by watching something in the past couple years, and I live in terror because of the thought they'll get me again with something in the finale.
From the next GIF (Kita) to the one after that (Bocchi playing a guitar), I am going to talk about the details of that episode. Your one spoiler warning.
Ok. I am now going to nerd out about how specifically Bocchi the Rock! is not something that can properly be captured in a static panel format after the events of Episode 8. You with me?
As a music anime, obviously having music to go with the band elevates the anime above the manga by default. It's sort of a staple of the genre and leaving it out would result in this weird state the Pokemon titles are currently in where they need that crucial audio to sell the delivery. Anyway sound good.
But the vast majority of performances are either deliberately bad for the sake of showing a beginner status, or essentially flawless. BtR does not fucking do this. Their audition run was really solid, and you as the viewer are primed to expect that same thing from the band because if they've hit it once, they can hit it twice right?
lmao
Guitar, Loneliness, and Blue Planet feels almost painful to listen to here. Bocchi narrates internally the issues she's seeing, but even without that you can fucking FEEL the dissonance. The vocalist tripping over her lines, the lead not being in charge of the pace of the song, a general buildup of nerves and lack of experience that you can feel and see and hear and that burrows into your skull as the performance comes to a close. S l o w l y. They do not skip over this. You are in the audience watching this band stumble on their first performance. It hurts.
AND THEN BOCCHI FUCKING FLOORS IT. (see the GIF marking the end of this spoiler section)
By taking charge of the room with a solo, she's able to drag everyone out of that auditory funk they were just dragged through. Herself, the audience, the viewer, her bandmates. They pull out their new song, That Band, and it is taking all of my willpower to keep this paragraph from devolving into a keymash and incoherent rambling about how much I love this scene and this song and this series.
It's really good. It's really fucking good.
This scene capitalizes on both the ability to put the viewer in that uncomfortable situation in the first place and then drag them out, and ALSO by hiding the full contents of the original songs before the first time they're performed live in full (Guitar, Loneliness, and Blue Planet was used at their audition in a similar way, you knew essentially nothing about it going into that scene). These things together with the commitment to sitting through the entire scuffed first song before the intense shift into overdrive as Bocchi shreds both her guitar and the awkward silence and they go into a second equally impressive original song makes this scene by far my favorite in the anime, and the only thing that would top this is if they outdo themselves in the final episode.
Spoilers over! Welcome back.
Between the commitment to bringing out Bocchi's character even further in the original songs, the technical details of the songs themselves, and the attention to detail in the actual performances during the show, there is an incredible level of passion poured into making this show that is honestly up there with the people who made the movie Redline. (Go watch that one if you have the time, it's a banger too but that's a different topic).
AND THAT'S JUST OFF THE AUDIO AND STORY STRUCTURE BABY, BUCKLE UP HERE WE GO AGAIN
CHAPTER 2: the rest
Now comes time to talk about the fact that this music series that can and will get you emotionally involved in it IS A COMEDY AS WELL.
There is no comedy in the actual performances, and that also contributes to why they hit so hard when you see them play out. BtR manages to walk two tightropes at the same time, delivering immensely high-quality musical performances and a solid cast right alongside genius visual gags, surreal visuals, references to a ton of other media, and fun and engaging personalities throughout the roster.
Bocchi's ability to deform and warp reality is a tangible and recognizable thing to the cast, and the amount of different styles and dimensions and framerates and methods of delivery and length of the gag vary from episode to episode, as well as within each episode. It almost feels like a class presentation session at times, with new styles and references popping in as a guest before cutting back to the regular depiction of the characters in their normal state.
They also??? Do 3D really well??? Like yeah you can tell what parts of some performances are using 3D but it isn't intrusive. It's implemented in a way that it complements the rest of the scene instead of detracting from it (I should clarify this also applies to the more esoteric 3D scenes but for different reasons than the ones used in performances).
Reading through an translation of an interview done with some of the staff (link here, highly recommend reading it) reveals that the animation crew is indeed just full sending into a gag and pulling out all the stops to deliver a punchline without breaking the coherence of the series as a whole.
I love them. I love this show.
CHAPTER 3???? CLOSING WORDS I GUESS
There is more I could say about this series, about the things that I love so much about the show, about the characters and my personal favorite gags and other moments I love.
But hopefully you understand now why I hold BtR in such high regard. A music anime produced to the highest degree, a legendary combination of music, audio, writing, visual media variance, and character designs.
It no doubt stands on its predecessors. But to compare it to K-On! in a way does both of them a disservice. This is as much a passion product as it is a production, and the entire staff and cast have my deepest thanks for delivering so well on this series.
I am not ready for the final episode.
Help.
#bocchi the rock!#thoughts dump#very long#some spoilers#read it anyway coward#i did not proofread this
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I'm just...so fucking angry over the state of my phone, like I can not get into it or I start shaking and crying. I feel literally insane, my phone still doesn't work, and it's a holiday weekend so there's no way to work on it until next week. I can't sleep because my brain absorbed too much hold music and now it's stuck, I forget to eat until I'm done wasting another day. I'm behind on: work, groceries, laundry, errands...and that's not counting any fun activity I may have done in my hypothetical free time. And of course, outside of any app messaging, I can't really talk to anyone or...like... Hang on.
Remember how I can't really get into it without shaking and crying?
I'm so stressed and angry and I am currently on Plan D for Dumbass, which involves sacrificing the phone number that I've had for a decade, because that may be the only way to get a phone that fucking works as a phone, Jesus Christ I hate this. I want to go back to being boring because I work in my art studio all day.
Anyway. As I said, I can't really do anything about it for now. Which fucking sucks, too.
They/Them (2022)
MA'AM YOU LEFT YOUR -- car unattended.
See, I may be in a stupid situation, but at least I haven't gotten out of my car, after having A Fright while driving at night, and gotten slashed.
In other news, gay people are A-Okay with Kevin Bacon and his not-conversion camp. But if you want to work on being not-gay, that's also totally cool.
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I'll have more detailed thoughts later but just gotta get out now, wow, fuck you Tommy
It's a great decision narratively. Like this is gonna have really fun consequences and the shift in the dynamic is interesting. It still left me so mad at Tommy. I think it's half my connection to the character and half my own background. Like I've stated before, I get really connected to Wilbur when reading his POV. That's been especially true in this fic. While I do want him to regain his identity at some point, I've been feeling to bad for him every time he's pushed farther than he wants to go. The personal bit is just that I'm a trans guy, so names are very important to me, obviously.
I hate how smart that was of Tommy. Give him a taste of what he wants, to be out of the temple, so that he doesn't ask too many questions. Goddamn.
Getting a little bit more into analysis mode... Tommy is forcing Wilbur to form a new identity by stripping him of his old one. He has no right to. He kidnapped Wilbur, and now he's taking the one thing Wilbur had left from him. Yet he's doing it out of love - he knows that Wilbur's sense of self is broken, and he does not care that it is not his place to fix it, he's doing it anyway. Like the parent who pushes their kid into the pool so that they learn how to swim.
It eerily reminds me of Phil in Stars.
I love feeling pissed. So thank you. I'm being so serious rn, my favorite stories are ones that get me emotional in any way shape or form
-🔥
okay I understand where you're coming from and I'm really glad you like the way the narrative is going, but I want to emphasize something. Tommy specifically said he could use a different name, he's just refusing to dehumanize the Pythia any further than he's already been dehumanized. If Wilbur had come up with some random name for Tommy to call him, he would've done it. Wilbur isn't upset because he doesn't like the name Wilbur specifically, it's because he's been forced to detach himself from his identity and now he's suddenly being called by a name again. It's less about the name itself, and more about the fact that Tommy doesn't want to call him by a title.
also I just want to say he's not stripping Wilbur of his current identity either. The Pythia is a title, it's a way to dehumanize him. Refusing to participate in that convention is Tommy's way of trying to remind him that he's a person. That he's more than just the Pythia. Is he going about it the right way? No, not really. But Tommy is an 18 year old who got raised by a literal terrorist death cult. The kid doesn't know how to go about this the right way, but it's coming from a place of genuine care. Tommy didn't know if the Pythia was ever going to willingly tell him his name. But he's heard the Pythia say so many times now that he's not meant to be an individual not supposed to be anything more than a vessel, but any attempt at trying to talk him out of this viewpoint just upsets him more. So Tommy decided the only way to get through to him was to rip the bandaid off.
I'm glad you enjoyed lol but I just want to emphasize yes what Tommy did was bad, but not exactly in the way you seem to think.
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Something cool happened last night.
(Note: Wrote this three days ago and drafted. Decided to post it today.)
Today is a boring day, and I need to write something. I need practice. So to pass the time I figured I'd share an anecdote on what I experienced last night. I need to put this in my records anyway.
I also wanted to make an introductory post. So I figure I can wrap the two into one that way - a lot of what I write will be like the anecdote below.
With that said here's a little bit of background.
You can call me Vigil. I'm a polytheist and eclectic magician who really digs chaos magic.
To be honest, I'm not sure what else to put here? Saying anything else makes me feel weird. I'm going to be talking about myself enough.
I just want to say I've been at this for a while, and it's where I picked up how to do what follows.
Anyway this anecdote is about an experience I had while I worked on visualization, bordering on full-on astral projection after inducing hypnagogia.
tw: description of death
First off I just want to say: I wasn't alone during all of this, I am a polytheist after all. Due to certain agreements however I'm not at liberty to really write about that. So while I won't be getting into it, I do want to point out I was under protection as I experienced all this. I may have been in the forest, but I had someone lurking in the canopy with a high powered rifle. If it got too far they would have intervened.
Keep that in mind as you read further.
So I was doing some visualization in bed last night, where I basically work on an internal temple through my imagination. Think something akin to a memory palace. However the goal of this practice in particular is to bring on a hypnagogic state, which I've noticed over the years helps with achieving lucidity, or just having more beneficial, occult-y dreams.
However it's been a while since I've done this, I'm getting into my mid thirties. When I lay down these days I just want to sleep. But last night I was feeling inspired and wanted to work on the method a little.
So I laid down, got into the proper mindset, and 'awoke' in my temple.
There I worked on moving around and so on. Did some squats. Walked a bit. Tripped and smacked my head on the floor. The usual.
Once I felt good and ready, properly in-sync with the place I was occupying, I decided to check out this library/reading room I used to frequent. While I won't be getting into all that, it's a pretty neat place. Has this kind of Backrooms vibe to it. Very beige and brown and fuckin' weird. It's a circular place lined with shelves of books and a square workspace in the middle with a table and chair. It's like a collective archive of various grimoires, most of which I can't ever seem to read. But I still like to visit and check it out.
So I walk in, and the place was loud. Unusually loud. Typically in the past it's stone silent, but this time it was like a fully loaded cafeteria. Just a bunch of voices talking over one another. I looked around and noticed no one was there though. It was as if the books were talking - or rather repeating all of their contents. Reading themselves aloud in some weird telepathic cacophony.
So I muted it. Cause y'know, fuck that. I don't need a cafeterias worth of noise echoing in my head. I took this as a good sign though, it meant I was really melting into that ~mindspace~ if things were reacting dynamically to my presence as opposed to being prompted.
Anyway I checked out the desk in the middle, and to me it seemed like there was a grimoire currently in progress of being written. On the table there was an open book that had text scrawled within it, along with reference books strewn out in piles over the rest of the surface. I decided to take a look at the open book but only saw the flash of a sigil, before the text on the pages swirled into nothingness. I guess it didn't want me to read it.
Then I decided to check the books on the table. There was one in particular that stuck out to me. It was bound in a red cover, with gold text on the side that was in some kind of imposing, gold font. It almost looked like Latin letters with the roman numeral for 1. followed by a title that was all jumbled.
Naturally, I opened the book. Cause I mean - why not? It was right there. In it I saw more text that was mostly jumbled. And then like a train it hit me. Hypnagogia began to kick in.
The image of the library in my imagination was kind of blacked out as I had a close-eyed hallucination. It was a bright light, that turned into the sun, and then the image of a humanoid corpse raising itself in front of the light, effectively eclipsing it with its narrow head.
Its skin was dry and grey, like all of the moisture had been sucked out of its body. A kind of sickly smoldering light enveloped the space around it. But this thing didn't have human eyes, this ones were vertical slits with two holes underneath where it's nose used to be.
Then I could feel it. The descent into sleep, a kind of brain zappy sinking feeling in my head. And I did not want to fall asleep while I was currently enmeshed in whatever business that was. So I refocused once more in that place, and quickly shut the book and threw it back on the pile. Whether it was some cursed bestiary or something else - I was having none of it.
I quickly returned to my temple, banished, and then roused myself awake. Ate some food, went out for a smoke, y'know. Put this event to bed by touching grass.
All in all I feel like that was a pretty productive session. It's definitely given me an avenue for further exploration, though next time I'd be going in better prepared.
So yeah, that's it. I just felt like sharing a neat experience. :-)
Anyway here's All My Exes Live In Texas by George Strait.
Stay safe out there.
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