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ontheavalanche · 6 years

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As someone with BPD, I struggle a lot with headcanons of Kent Parson with BPD.

Bc on the one hand, I really enjoy people taking the time to research BPD and crafting versions of Kent Parson that are complicated yet respectful and highlighting a disorder that imho isn’t spoken about nearly enough + a lot of thought and effort goes into taking mentally ill characters and fleshing them out with words. Plus I’ve seen some well composed stuff from people who do have BPD and get what it’s like and make wonderfully relatable versions of BPD!Parse and I don’t want to downplay those at all.

But at the same time, I noticed a lot of what happens is that people paint Kent Parson as this guy that’s been really manipulative and can say and do things that are emotionally abusive or just make him all impulsive but then be all like oh he’s like that because he has BPD so it’s okay.

And that’s bad for multiple reasons—the first one being ofc that you can’t excuse manipulative, emotionally abusive, or any other kind of shitty behaviors just bc the person acting that way is mentally ill. The second is that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are generally not like that???? That’s a really harmful stereotype of what people with BPD are like and it’s been perpetuated a lot in various types of media and even within medical and mental health communities.

Anyways, I’m p sure I personally won’t be able to read any fics with BPD!Parson unless they’re personally recommend to me, but I will throw a few things out there that I haven’t seen in BPD!Parse fics but that are common amongst people with BPD. (Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences and experiences of other people I know who have BPD—as with any mental health issue, it can manifest very differently depending on the person and not everyone with have experienced all of these):

Manic episodes!!!!! (I feel it’s important to note that often times you won’t realize you’re Manic until you’re peeking. And tbh a lot of times you don’t realize it at all, especially if you don’t have experience recognizing those feelings. Also I’ve noticed that with people with BPD that are more on the consistently manic side will not notice their mania because while manic episodes are intense, if you’re used to them it feels totally normal to feel that way all the time. You might not notice it’s a thing until it gets pointed out by an outsider or unless you get a really really bad one or end up hospitalized)

After a manic episode, you might Crash—a sort of Mania Hangover, if you will. Sometimes it can be a full blow depressive episode, sometimes it’s just a need for sleep or maybe releasing a few hard earned tears. (Or if you’re one of those people that’s kind of Perpetually Manic or going through a manic phase, maybe you won’t even Crash, you’ll just slide into another episode like whatislife amiright??)

If not full blown mania, then mood swings!!!! So many mood swings!!!!! They’re intense and sometimes they last a few hours and sometimes they last a few days. People with BPD have intense emotions, highs and lows and you can on occasion get several in the span of an hour or two.

A chronic feeling of emptiness (I’m thinking of Parse feeling empty n wow that hurts so bad doesn’t it?)

Reckless, impulsive, or dangerous behaviors, often thought of as a result of trying to fill that emptiness or during feelings of mania or anger or mood swings. (This can manifest as shopping sprees, sex, substance abuse, binge eating, etc).

Viewing things in black and white—often times things and feelings are perceived as either totally Good or totally Bad, with little to nothing in between. It’s easy to distort your point of view to make it so that everything fits in those categories. This is a defense mechanism and is often referred to as “Splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking.

The Good/Bad POV//defense mechanism also and especially applies toward people and while logically you might know people are multifaceted and want to recognize that people can be both good and bad, sometimes it can be really hard not to look at people and subconsciously be like “okay are you a hero or a villain, a protagonist or an antagonist, do I love you or hate you” (idealization vs devaluation)

In the BPD community, many people have something called an FP (a Favorite Person)—this is a person you’ve formed an emotional dependency on that can quite literally make or break your day with the slightest provocation. Frankly, this is kind of difficult to talk about so I recommend skimming this article. Basically, you devolve intense feelings for a person (be it romantic or platonic) and when they give you attention or when you view their actions as positive, it’s like you’re happier than you’ve ever been but if you view something they did or said as a negative towards you (even if it wasn’t their intention), suddently your mood plummets so badly that you might feel physically pained or enter a major depressive episode or feel suicidal. (Not everyone has or has had an FP, but if you have one and they reject you and the relationship between the two of you is over, it can feel kind of like a soulmate au gone bad in which you gotta break this Profound Bond and it feels like you’re shattering. Not impossible to get over but you’ll be kind of broken for a while, or maybe just a little cracked forever.) ((Was Jack Zimmermann Kent’s FP???? Who knows, just don’t think about it))

While obviously relationships with people can often be intense and sometimes unstable, it doesn’t mean everyone is regarded with the same level of intensity and it doesn’t mean people with BPD don’t also have normal and healthy relationships and friendships. It truthfully depends on the person. Sometimes all relationships are affected, and sometimes it’s just one.

Disassociation—this can range from depersonalization (feeling disconnected from your body), derealization (feeling disconnected from reality), amnesia (lost time), and identity confusion (losing self).

Speaking of identity—people with BPD struggle with their self-image, and yes sometimes they will distort how they view themselves to fit their mood. I often see this brought up in fics in regards to Kent Parson as either having extreme narcissism or with an extremely low self worth. While those two things aren’t generally out of the realm of possibility, most of the time when it comes to people with BPD and their identity it’s more like they’re lost???? Idk how to describe it but amongst people with BPD, it’s common to feel like you don’t know who the real you is, or like there is no real you and you’re just made up of other people. It’s because sometimes we latch onto the habits and obsessions of others, of our friends and loved ones, and they become our habits and our obsessions, and sometimes realizing this can push you into a bit of an identity crisis????? (Does anyone have a way to put this into English that makes sense bc I’m doing my best here but I Suck soooo) EDIT: the word for it is “Identity Disturbance” and it’s A Big Thing

Seemingly unprovoked bursts of anger and irritability are not uncommon

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues. Be it real or imagined abandonment, many of us try to avoid feeling that kind (or any kind) of rejection, even if it means we’re the ones doing the rejecting first. I see this well represented in fics but it’s very dragged out. (Truthfully, imho people with BPD can kinda suck at rejecting people, like we’ll wanna do it so that you don’t do it to us but we can’t quite execute it all that well and when we do we try not to dwell on it.)

I have noticed in BPD!Parse fics, most of the time he has a healthy sense of distrust towards people and their intentions and that’s pretty accurate although sometimes it’s the exact opposite—you might trust too much or too quickly if you consider them Good.

Major depressive episodes are not at all uncommon. (I apologize bc I don’t think I’m going to be able to put in as much detail about this rn bc tbh I’m running on the Manic side lately and when I’m more manic I tend to forget what it’s like to feel depressed or just how those feelings come about until I get hit with a wave of them and then I just wallow.)

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon either, even if you aren’t going through a depressive episode or feeling sad. (An unfortunate percentage of people with BPD die from suicide.)

Some people experience intrusive thoughts or some form of psychosis (if I’m not mistaken the term “borderline” actually comes from an antiquated thought that people with BPD are “borderline psychotic” and so some places no longer use the term “borderline personality disorder” and rather call it an emotional intensity disorder or an “emotionally unstable personality disorder”—bc the latter is totally much better)

Looooots of anxiety, I don’t think in the same way you see in an anxiety disorder??? (I have both so it’s hard for me to describe and separate the two but from what I’ve heard, for people that don’t have an anxiety disorder but do have BPD, it can come in bouts, kind of like manic and depressive episodes but just anxiety and none of the high or low feelings????)

Trouble sleeping is common with people with BPD

Paranoia

A majority of the time, people with BPD also have other disorders such a depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other personality disorders that coexist with your BPD.

And the last thing: if you’re reading this list and thinking “huh this sounds more like what I’ve read about bipolar disorder rather than borderline personality disorder” then the reason for it is bc the way bipolar disorder is presented in media is often similar to the reality of what it’s like to have BPD (and similarly there is so much more to bipolar disorder that is not presented in media accurately). The two can be very similar from an outsider’s point of view but to put it in oversimplified terms—people with BPD have more persistent day-to-day symptoms that impact them 24/7 whereas someone with bipolar disorder can go through periods of symptom-free wellness for days, weeks, or even years before falling into say a major manic episode. Our mood swings and episodes are also shorter and tend to run on patterns or are a direct reaction to life’s typical stressors—we can have multiple mood swings and episodes within a single day, whereas folks with bipolar disorder have seemingly no warning before an episode that can last months. Also while any form of mental illness (particularly ones that have to do with mania or delusions or hallucinations) can impact your relationship with people, typically people with bipolar disorder don’t have the same problems with interpersonal relationships like people with BPD do. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m “down selling” bipolar disorder or anything, truthfully I’m just not knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable speaking on it but I do know that these are some of the differences between the two and that BPD and bipolar disorder are often misdiagnosed as each other.)

Anyways y’all, BPD is a really serious disorder. Most of the time we’re people that are considered high functioning because it’s a disorder that affects emotions and relationships and sometimes that only seemingly affects our personal and social lives and not our professional or academic lives.

We’re typecast as dramatic and manipulative and attention seekers. I’d personally argue that we aren’t (for the most part) but our behavior can get really poor and we can feel desperate and enslaved by our emotions. We can’t really help it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold us accountable if we act horribly. The point of this is just that if you want to write about this disorder or cast a character with it, try to understand beyond what you’ve seen or heard portrayed by people who don’t have to live with it.

BPD is usually treated with cognitive behavioral therapy but it’s not at all uncommon to have medication as treatment of some of your symptoms or to be hospitalized for it. Personally I used to be on antipsychotics to help stabilize my moods and it was good but not a cure-all, of course. There is no cure for BPD.

This post is also known as: stop writing Kent Parson as an angsty piece of shit 2k18. I might accept BPD!Parse fics if he’s super excited and manic and forms intense bonds with people and doesn’t want to let them go but also BPD sucks so don’t romanticize it too much but also hello I love Kent Parson

#wow this was supposed to be like a paragraph or two max #im just literally crazy yall im kind of manic rn and this just happened #i might delete this later idk its embarassing n kinda personal #kent parson #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd kent parson #mental health #fandom #long post #sorry yall

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type2diabetestreatments-blog · 7 years

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Diabetic Partner Follies — A PWD's New Husband Speaks Out

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/diabetic-partner-follies-a-pwds-new-husband-speaks-out/

Diabetic Partner Follies — A PWD's New Husband Speaks Out

I am delighted to share our newest edition of the Diabetic Partner Follies — a series we launched here at the 'Mine several years ago to give a voice to all the loved ones of PWDs out there about what life is like from their end of the 'Big D.' This latest entry is written by none other than our assistant editor Allison's new husband! She and Erik and have been married for five months, and today is their third "date-aversary." She says she feels incredibly lucky to call Erik her husband because he's been "such a trooper in dealing with all the ups and downs (literally and figuratively) in living with and loving someone with diabetes."

A Guest Post by Erik Nimlos

On November 17, 2008, I was visiting OKCupid, an online dating website. I didn't have any luck meeting someone at work or from church, and I felt ready to settle down, so I went online in search of love. On that fateful day, I came across the profile of BlueJazz85, otherwise known as Allison Blass. After her reading through her profile, I was instantly moved to send her a message. The rest, as many of you know, is history.

On December 1, 2008, before we even began our phone "dates," Allison sent me a message to let me know that she had diabetes. She was very concerned that she would be rejected because of her health. I happen to have acid reflux, allergies, and anxiety problems, so for me, it wasn't much of an issue. To her though, it could stop her from meeting her man. I reassured her with my next message that diabetes wouldn't stop me from wanting to keep talking with her.

As we are on the eve of our fourth year of being together as a couple (and five months as husband and wife), I reflect on how diabetes has impacted our relationship and what I've learned about Allison in the process.

The first thing I noticed was that diabetes is a disease that must be monitored 24/7. It became clear to me that walking around New York City, watching TV, eating dinner together, and bicycle rides were all times when Allison needed to check her blood sugar. I quickly learned which numbers were good and which weren't. I also learned about counting carbs and setting a proper bolus for different foods and activities. Many times I held her supplies while out at a museum, brought juice to her and rested with her during lows, and was patient with her during highs after meals. It all seemed very normal to her, so I accepted the daily rituals with ease.

What was challenging for me was to learn and understand how she felt during these highs and lows. Sometimes it's challenging as a "Type 3," since I don't understand the sensations or the frustrations of not being in complete control of my blood glucose levels. I may never know what it's like to have to stop in the middle of a great workout because I discover I'm 50 mg/dl. I may never know what it's like to feel agitated and irritable when I check and find I'm 250 mg/dl. This by far the toughest challenge for me — to be able to sympathize without having been there myself. Although my medical conditions are serious problems, they are not things that I think about throughout the day.

Another thing I've learned about being with Allison is her extended family in the diabetes community. She was actually slow to introduce me to the diabetes community, but over time I got to meet many of her friends who she's known for years. Through meet-ups, brunches, and dinner parties, I've gotten to know people who have been with Allison through thick and thin, and have come out as better people, all sharing the same struggles. Do I feel left out at these events? No. Am I happy that she's found others to share in her struggles? Yes. As much as I want to be able to claim that I can meet all of my wife's emotional needs, this is just an area that, try as I do, I will never fully understand. It's for that reason that I'm thankful for this extended family.

The final thing I've learned by living with Allison is what it means to live with a blogger... a diabetes blogger at that. Blogging is not something I partake in, so it's been difficult for me to understand the need to share one's experiences in such detail online, especially when it comes to dealing with a chronic illness. However, I've seen how beneficial it's been to Allison, to connect with so many new people, and to spread awareness about diabetes through the blogging world. It's also been nice to see someone take enough interest in my own life to share it with the world in a way that makes me feel special.

As much as I've learned about life with Allison and diabetes, in the end I think living with someone with diabetes is not that different than life with a non-diabetic. I say this not to downplay the role that diabetes has in our day-to-day life — I'm reminded that I'm married to a diabetic on an hourly basis. But like anyone who you love, you learn to not only accept but embrace the things that make that person unique, even if they're negative. Diabetes is a part of Allison, and for now, nothing will change that. It might be a part of her, but it in no way made me reconsider what I might be getting myself into that fateful December day.

If anything, diabetes reminds me that life is precious, unpredictable, and we should cherish each and every moment we have with the people we love.

Thanks, Erik! We love you, too 🙂

I'm off to call my own husband now, to make sure he reads this post!

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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