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the-writer-ofthe-fandoms · 4 months

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Silent Cosmos (Edward Cullen) (Ch. 3)

Pairing: Edward Cullen x GN! Mute!Reader

Words: 2.8k+

Warning(s): Two gross dudes, sexual verbal harassment (not towards reader), swearing,

A/N: omg chapter 3 is finally here. I apologize for the wait. I thought my semester this time around would be forgiving but NOPE. I had so much to do and read, I could hardly write for fun or draw either. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. I want to try a new method when writing series. I tried with my kpop writing blog, and its where I write a few chapters at a time then periodically post them. Helps keep the flow and motivation going, but that may have been a one off there.

Series Masterlist

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"O star of strength! I see thee stand And smile upon my pain; Thou beckonest with thy mailèd hand, And I am strong again... The Star of the unconquered will, He rises in my breast, Serene, and resolute, and still, And calm, and self-possessed. -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "The Light of Stars"

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Edward hasn't been in school for the past few days.

You admittedly felt a little lonely without his presence, though Emmett and Alice have made it their mission to become your new best friends. Jasper tried but he still kept his distance from you, which you didn't mind. Rosalie helped when no other Cullen was around, although she kept a lot of conversations at a minimum, which you also didn't mind.

Alice had told you Edward had gotten a bad cold, so he is staying home. You had offered to bring him your notes the first time so he could copy them down, but Alice told you their father has him basically on lock down until he is deemed healthy. So, after you've done your homework, you've been making copies of your notes to give him when he comes back.

It's the start of a new day and once again, Edward wasn't there. You were at your locker with 15 minutes to spare. You placed the spare folder with Edward's notes on the shelf while your mind went back to that moment you two shared at the welcoming party for your uncle. You felt happy telling him all the stars and constellation you could see, and even happier when he seemed thoroughly interested in your rambles. However, you feel an inkling of guilt when you remember he gave you his jacket. Maybe he got sick from that?

"Dude, I got this weird spot on my dick."

Well, there goes your musings of guilt. You glance to your left and see two guys near you, just chilling against the lockers. You've never met them, though you do remember sharing a class or two with them separately.

"Are you really airing your business out when someone is standing right their?" The shorter one, with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes gestures to you.

"Relax, Mark. That's the deaf student." The taller one with deep brown eyes and brown hair says with a laugh. You suppress the urge to roll your eyes and choose to just focus on the inside of your locker. Maybe you should get more decorations- "Anyways, I have this weird spot on my dick. It almost looks like I have a weird mole there. I'm hoping it's just a new mole and Cindy didn't give me something."

Gross.

"I'd get that shit checked out then. You don't want it to turn into something worse if it is an STD." Mark says with a sigh. "I told you not to sleep with her, Tony. She made my balls itch like crazy. They still fucking itch."

"I think its just a weird mole. You wanna look?" He cackles while his friend fake gags. They both push off the lockers and walk away to who knows where.

You let out a deep sigh and close your locker. At least the ignorance of other allows you to hear some gossip.

"What's with the sigh, Tiny?" Emmett calls out as he and Rosalie approach you. He has very quickly taken to the nickname Tiny for you. You suppose anyone shorter than him would be considered tiny in his eyes. Rosalie simply opened her locker as you and Emmett conversed.

"Oh, just overheard two people talking about something that should have been a private conversation." You respond with a slight shrug.

"Gah, Forks High is full of a bunch of weirdos, huh?" He grins and raises his brows a few times, crossing his arms while leaning on the locker next to you. You silently chuckle and nod, though you wondered if there was an underlying joke there.

"No Edward today?"

"Nope. Carlisle still hasn't cleared him." He sighs with a sympathetic smile. "Between you and me, Tiny, Edward is still shitting his brains out." He signed that last portion to you.

You gave him a scandalized look and playfully slapped his arm with a small chuckle. You were surprised to feel just how hard his muscles were.

"What was that for?" He gripped where you slapped and pretended to be hurt. "It was a private conversation, no one else here except Rosalie knows sign."

You roll your eyes and shake your head with a smile. You could always count on Emmett to get you to smile.

"C'mon, Rose and I will walk you to first period, like always." He grins and gestures you to follow him. Rose simply came along since she and Em were in the class next to yours. You nod and follow, happy to have good company.

---

It was a passing period and it was just you and Rose at your lockers. You grabbed a new pen and pencil since the last two you had broke and ran out of ink. Rosalie was fluffing up her already perfect, blond hair in the mirror of her locker. She and you didn't converse much, but you still liked her presence. Like the rest of the Cullens, she didn't tiptoe around you or treated you differently. She acknowledged your presence and would answer you if you had questions.

You were about finished in your locker when you heard two familiar voices keep up their gross conversations behind you.

"Dude, Rosalie has the hottest ass." Tony practically jeers, his voice intentionally loud. You glance to the blond next to you and she still keeps fixing her hair, though you can see her brows are a little more furrowed and her lips are more in the shape of a frown.

"Her tits, man, her tits are where it's at." Replies Mark and when you shift just enough to see him in the corner of your eyes, you see him make an obscene gesture.

You hear the slight creek of metal and when you look to Rose, you see her grip is so tight on her locker door that her fingers made indents which made your eyes widen for a moment. She closes her locker and you can see by her side profile she is pissed, and rightfully so.

So, you do what you think would make her laugh at the expense of those two guys.

You tap her arm to get her attention and she looks at you with a glare. You don't let it faze you. If those two are going to be gross about your friend, you'll just air out their business that they so willingly aired out by you this morning.

"You know those two jackasses?" You intentionally look to them as you sign and look back at her. "Well the brown haired one has a spot on his penis that he isn't sure if it's a mole or an STD. And his buddy likely doesn't wash right since he's had prolonged itchy balls."

Rosalie looks almost scandalized until her eyes widen for a moment as she looks at the two dudes and then back to you. She covers her mouth as she laughs when she realizes what you're trying to do.

You were about to sign some more when the two dumbasses approach.

"I know you were talking shit. What the fuck did you sign?" Tony glared, pointing an accusatory finger at you. He gets in your face and you swear you hear Rosalie growl.

You swallow thickly and decide to open your mouth. Your aunt always said you got your stubbornness from your mom.

"I said..." You try not to wince at the pain in your throat, your voice sounding hoarse. "You had a weird spot on your dick and your friend... has itchy balls." They looked at you with wide, horrified looks. "Don't talk about someone's body if you don't want yours talked about either."

"You little shit." Mark hisses and Rose steps closer to your side, an arm just barely in front of yours.

"What's going on here?" Emmetts voice grows louder as he approaches, his usual, carefree smile no longer on his face. He looked scarier than you've ever seen him. Mark and Tony looked at each other before slinking off.

Once they were gone you let out a dry, painful cough. You cover your mouth with the back of your hand and quickly grab your water and drink, soothing your throat. You could taste a tiny bit of iron in the back of your throat as you drank.

Rosalie calls your name softly. "Are you okay?"

You nod in response and take another sip of water. You didn't catch the look they gave each other or Rose gesturing for Emmett to speak.

"What happened, Tiny?" He asks in a quiet tone. You close the cap of your bottle and place it back in your bag. Your throat still ached but you knew the pain from using your larynx will linger.

You start to sign to him everything that occurred, from what you overheard in the morning to him approaching. You can see a flash of anger on his face but he goes back to that small smile. Once you explained your words to Rose and why you said them, a huge grin breaks out on his face.

"I didn't know you had it in you, Tiny." He laughs and pats your shoulder a little too firmly.

"Come, I'll walk you to class." Rosalie said with a soft tone. You nod and wave goodbye to Emmett. You both start heading down the hallway, the blond next to you tense.

When you got to your class a pale hand stopped you. You look to Rose with a questioning look while her gold eyes avoid yours.

"I just wanted to say thank you for earlier." Rosalie says, the tense look she had fades into a small smile, her eyes meeting yours. You see some vulnerability in her usually guarded gaze. She gives your shoulder a squeeze before dropping her hand. "You didn't have to do that. I'm... admittedly used to that."

"No need to thank me, Rosalie." You smile back at her.

"I do, because not many would step up like that." She softly sighs and her smile grows a bit. You felt her words had more meaning to them, but you decided to not linger on them for now. "I know I've been slightly avoiding you but I have a hard time trusting hu- new people. But, after today, I think I want to open up a bit and be friends."

"I'd like that too." You beam. "Alice has been begging me to do a shopping trip, maybe the three of us can plan a trip soon."

"I'd... I'd like that." She almost looks like she is relieved and less guarded.

"Is your hand okay?"

"What?"

"Well, I saw you grip your locker and you dented it."

"Oh. Yeah, it's fine. I work on cars and my grip is strong. It's nothing." She holds out her hands and you saw just flawless skin. "Well, I will see you soon. Class is starting."

"Talk to you later." You wave and go to class. You sit down at your usual spot and start preparing. You sigh, irritated at the way those two spoke about Rose so loudly. But you also felt happy you and Rose were close now. Her bending the locker was suspicious... there were many things off with the Cullens that you've picked up, however, you don't linger on it. They have their quirks much like you have your own.

---

Edward lounged on the couch reading, back from his trip up to the Denali clan to clear his head. After witnessing that nightmare from you, he needed a moment alone to sort his thoughts. He wasn't sure what he felt afterwards but once he took some time to sort out his thoughts, he came back to Forks. None of the others knew what happened. He didn't tell them those details of your life, as none of them were privy to it. He wasn't either but that bridge has been crossed thanks to his ability and curiosity of the galaxy protecting your mind.

He felt guilt initially when he realized he deeply invaded your privacy. Then, despair and immense sadness followed when he recalls back to your nightmare, your past. Edward had seen many horrors in his long life, he even committed some when he'd hunt those men. However when he witnessed what you went through, he couldn't help feel a spark of protectiveness. You were nice. He found you a joy to be around despite it not being long since you transferred. He doesn't want anything bad to happen to you.

Edward couldn't help but smile when he thought back to you and him outside the fire station. It was a peaceful moment. He couldn't help but linger on the sight of you in his jacket, pointing out the stars and constellations. It was silent other than your internal thoughts. And when he got to witness your galaxy so at peace? He also felt a sense of tranquility he longs for.

Edward quickly put those thoughts away and resumed his attention his book when he heard his adoptive siblings come in. Alice and Jasper pass without saying to him, which he was slightly thankful for. However, Emmett and Rosalie lingered by him.

"How can I help you both?" Edward sighs, snapping the book closed as he looks at both of them.

Rose crosses her arms. "You need to come back tomorrow."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"Yeah, Tiny happened." Emmett grinned and gestured to Rosalie. The blond sighed and let the memory replay of you standing up for her so Edward can see what happened today. He furrows his brows, setting his book down. He stands up from the couch and looks between the two.

"My guess is those two will probably retaliate against our friend one way or another." Rosalie says softly. Edward chooses not to point out how she said 'our friend.' "You spend the most time with them, they'll need you to stick around them the most."

Edward nods slowly. He recognizes Mark and Tony, and he knows they each have a class with him and you. He's heard the thoughts that spew from them both like garbage and he knows they aren't above getting back at someone.

"I'll come back tomorrow." He confirms. He wanted one more day to himself, but tomorrow is good as ever to face you again. He knows how you lost your voice and how you ended up living with your uncle and aunt now, but you don't know he knows. And he'll have to keep that in mind.

Although, Edward couldn't help but smile at the sound of your voice in Rosalie's memory. It was rough and hoarse, and it caused you pain, pain he doesn't want you feeling again... but it was nice hearing that voice that matches to the one in your head... when that space of yours is dropped.

---

You make your way to your locker first thing in the morning. You get yourself situated, grabbing the things you need for your classes before lunch. You set aside the folder where you kept your copies of notes for Edward down on the small shelf. You huff softly, throat still feeling sore from using your voice.

A familiar voice calling your name has you spinning around quickly, a smile instantly growing on your face. Edward approaches you with a small smile, looking the same as he did the last time you saw him.

"Glad to see you're feeling better." You grin, your mind flashing back to what Emmett signed to you in regards to Edward's health. You catch your friend's eyebrow twitch, a flash of annoyance on his face that he quickly recovered.

A Cullen quirk, you muse to yourself.

"Yeah. I'm doing a lot better now." He replies softly, standing a little closer to you than usual.

"I have something for you." You see his eyebrow quirk as you turn back to your locker. You pull out the black folder and hand him it. "Notes for the classes we share."

Edward stares down at the folder before chuckling. He looks up at you and gives you brilliant smile, one that makes your heart flutter for just a moment. "Thank you, I really appreciate it."

"Of course."

Suddenly, you feel hand on your back. Edward was standing much closer to you with an expression akin to a scowl as he stares off a little. He looks to you and smiles softly, though you can still see the tension on his face.

"We should get to the classroom. I'll probably have questions about what I missed." He says in a low voice. You nod, a little confused by his demeanor. You finish up with your locker and let him guide through the hallway, his cold hand still resting on the middle of your back.

You weren't aware of Tony's and Mark's presences until you both were walking by them to your first period classroom. You paid them no mind, keeping your focus ahead of you. Doing this, however, has you missing the deep and threatening glare from Edward towards the both of them.

As you both walked through the hallway, Edward felt that his non-existent blood boiling at the degrading, violent, and nasty thoughts those two were thinking. He knew they both weren't the best that Forks has to offer, their thoughts sometimes louder than others.

That protective urge he felt after witnessing your nightmare? It's working overtime now and he isn't completely sure why.

What Edward does know that he won't let them try anything towards you.

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somethingswift19 · 3 months

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Alt+Nerd= <3 Pope x (f) reader

| Warnings:

| Summary: The bubbly alt girl falls for Pope, the nerdy and serious guy.

| (a/n): I had a good reaction to the alt reader x obx so I wanted to continue that a little bit :) I'm so tired so if this is awful I apologize but I had fun writing it so that's really what counts right? Not proof read.

Leaning up against the lockers you watched as the whole pouge friend group walked past, sighing to yourself. Since freshman year you had had a thing for the smart one, Pope. He was so cute and serious and when he got all serious it made him even cuter and more adorable in your eyes. He was misunderstood and looked over a lot for John B and JJ. And even when he wasn't being looked over, he rarely noticed when girls hit on him. Green flags tbh.

But this brings you back to today...as you watched them all walk passed you knew you were probably not his type considering he was dating Kiara but a girl can dream. You had your black and blue hair straightened and pulled back into pigtails, neon green glasses, black cropped hoodie, skinny jeans, and orange nike airs on. "Hey! You ready for class?" your best friends voice snapped you out of your trance.

"Oh yeah, sorry," you shook your head and smiled before grabbing your bag and walking to AP biology. Tapping your pen on the desk, you day dreamed as the teacher went over the previous test. This was your favorite class but today you were just distracted. Before you knew it, the bell rang and you realized you hadn't taken a single note. Shit you thought. But that's when you had the idea... "Hey Pope!" you yelled after the boy as you ran to catch up to him.

"Uh...hi?" he looked at you confused. Honestly fair considering you have had probably two conversations with him in total. "What's up?"

"Oh, well...I kinda have a problem," you began. "Is there anyway you can go over the science notes from today with me? I didn't quite get all of it." Correction, I was staring at you like a total stalker for the entire class and wasn't paying any attention.

"Oh uh, yeah sure. Meet me at lunch and I'll give you my notes," Pope said as you nodded.

"Lucky I have the smartest guy in school in my class!" you responded cheerfully.

"Well technically Thomas Jennings is the number 1 in our class so he would be the smartest. I'm probably top five-" he rambled on before you cut him off.

"Pope," you stated. "Take the compliment and go with it. A cute girl is calling you smart."

As lunch rolled around, you met up with him and you copied down his notes from the day. "I like your glasses by the way." This snapped you out of you concentration.

"I'm sorry?" you asked not quite processing.

"Your glasses," he smiled. "They're cool. I like them."

"Oh," blushing hard core, you smiled. "Thank you!"

"Sorry if this is weird," he started, scratching the back of his neck. "You remind me of someone."

"Yeah? And who might that be?" you put your pen down and smiled. You were in the conversation now. Can't take this for granted.

"Abbey from NCIS," this time he came across as shy.

"Wait, no way! Thank you so much! I've always loved her and Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds. I think that's where my style comes from. But Oh my God Thank you!" you knew you were rambling but fuck it. "Wait you watch NCIS?"

"Oh yeah, I love that show," Pope chuckled at your enthusiasm. "I always wanted to be like Duckie. I want to be a coroner."

"That's so dope," you smiled. "I want to go into forensics."

"That's not people's usual reaction to that," he stated.

You could stare into his eyes all day, good God, "Hey, we should meet up at the wreck after school. I mean if you want."

"Yeah! My friends and I were already planning on meeting up there later," he started. "You can come with us."

"Ok! I would love that!," this time it was your turn to chuckle. "Maybe after we can have some alone time? Just the two of us?"

"Wait...what?" the quizzical look he had on his face was adorable.

"Here," you said grabbing his arm and writing your number down. "I've been flirting with you for the past half hour for the record." You winked at him and started grabbing your things.

"I-I'll text you," he called after you and JJ looked over at him giving him a thumbs up. You knew he was watching you leave as you walked out of the cafeteria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time Skip After Shool~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as you got home, you got ready to meet up with the pouges and considering this was the first time, and you were hanging out with pope, you had to look decent. Deciding on ripped black skinny jeans and a blue halter top with David Bowie vans high tops, you threw your hair into a half up half down bun and put on some lashes. Your green glasses still adorning your face. Dabbing on some lip gloss, you took one final look at yourself in the mirror before heading out.

Pope's friends were really nice and very chill honestly! Kiara was standoffish at first but quickly warmed up. And you learned Sarah Cameron was nothing like you expected! "So Ms. (Y/n)," JJ exclaimed throwing his arm over your shoulder. "Pope has told us a lot about you." Pope was signaling for him to shut the fuck up but that's not what JJ does.

"Has he now?" you giggled looking over at him.

"I wouldn't say a alot..." Pope was trying to hide his face now.

"Really?" JJ began. "So she isn't the cool, colored hair girl who is the only person who is better in science than you?"

"And she isn't the sweet and talkative girl who reminds you of...what's that show again?" Kiara chimed in laughing and using hand motions.

"Ok, ok, leave him alone," John B very kindly said. "And the show is NCIS."

"That's right!" everyone exclaimed at once embarrassing him and making you laugh and look at him sweetly.

"So exactly how smart are you to be better at Pope in something?" Sarah asked putting a french fry in her mouth.

"Oh, um," you were blushing now from the attention. "I'm just freakishly good at science. He's still smarter than I am." He smiled and shook his head at you. After a couple hours the two of you snuck off, but not without whistles from the others. Walking down to the shoreline, having your feet touch the water as you looked at the shells and things washing up. "Thank you for inviting me to hang out with you and your friends."

"Oh, it's no problem," he stated. "Thanks for writing your number on my arm. JJ was proud." This caused you to chuckle a little bit.

"Earlier you said I wasn't what you expected," you said softly. "You aren't what I expected either."

This time his facial expression was nervous as he snapped his head to look at you, "In a good way or a bad way?"

Smiling widely up at him, "In the best way."

"(Y/n)?"

"Pope?"

"Do I have permission to kiss you?" he asked slightly awkwardly.

"Always," you responded sweetly. As your lips met, it was everything you had dreamed of. His hand came to rest on your face gently as he pulled you in closer causing you to throw your arms around his neck. The nerdy guy kissing the goth girl in the moonlight? How many cliches can you guys check off at once? But none the less, this was the perfect night.

#obx #john b routledge #jj maybank #rafe cameron #outer banks #obx fanfiction #kiara carrera #pope heyward #pope x reader #pope heyward x reader #pope obx x reader #pope obx fanfiction #obx imagine #obx fanfic #obx fic #pope x y/n

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simsinlowspace · 7 months

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Garden Glory - 4t2 Base Game Wallpaper Conversion

Hey everyone! I have a quick wallpaper conversion to share with you today! Swatch, details, some ramblings and download below!

I'm in the process of moving all my stuff onto a much, much better computer. My files are flung near and far. I've also forgotten a lot of what I learned last year, so I need to relearn it. So I'm restarting kind of slow here.

Anyway, with the better computer I was finally able to install TS4 (if only for the purpose of ransacking it lol -- I'm still undecided if I'm going to do anything with the game itself), which brings us to today's download. These are the base game Garden Glory walls. They come in nine wallpaper colors and three panel colors, for a total of 27.

Numbering the swatch proved less than straightforward, so I'm including a texture download as well so you can compare file numbers and delete anything you don't want.

DOWNLOAD (SFS) | Walls are ~1.28MB DOWNLOAD TEXTURES (SFS) | .PNGs

If you've left a comment or sent a message, I just want to let you know that I am grateful and I apologize for not responding in a timely manner. This has been, hands-down, the craziest year of my life and I am mentally and emotionally fried. My communication skills are suffering as a result, and I just want you to know that I miss you too and I promise I will reply. The same goes for any unfulfilled requests -- I have not forgotten. <3

Lots of love, Spacey

@sims4t2bb

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bewilderedbuck · 10 months

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Devi vs. David: aka a comprehensive list of every single time ben gross has referred to devi as one or the other (season four edition)

HERE IT IS!!! the final edition of devi vs. david!!! if you're new here and haven't checked out any of my other devi vs. david deep dives, please feel free to check them out here: season 1, season 2, season 3. you can also find all of my devi vs. david ramblings here. and as i've said again and again and again, this is a list of every single time ben refers to her as either devi or david, this time in season 4, with context + insight + my own lil insane thoughts, because i'm 100% totally normal when it comes to this topic (they said, like a liar).

heads up, not all of the netflix captions are accurate, or the whole quote wasn't all in one frame, so if the font looks different in any of the following screencaps, it's because i captioned them myself.

i already noted in previous analyses, as well as in this post, that ben tends to go for “david” during their rivalry and their friensdhip, as opposed to when they’re estranged/fighting etc and when they're in more...well, romantic situations, he defaults to “devi.” i’ll go a little more into this towards the end, but it’s just something i’d like to bring to your attention before i get started.

anyways, here we go!

hmm remember when i predicted we would get a “devi” first this season because of the months of distance and miscommunication? and when i thought it would happen immediately after devi sees margot kiss ben? i may not have had all the details right, but i saw this coming from a mile away. and this also fits into the pattern i thought was going to be established: season 1 we get “david” first, season 2 we get “devi,” season 3 “david” and now in season 4 they’re finishing the pattern with another “devi.” they’re in wildly different places in their relationship in each of these instances, which i go more in detail about in this post where i predicted that we would get a “devi” first this season.

anyways. this use of “devi” has me hurting for both of them. they’ve got this - this chasm of months of distance, of zero contact, of miscommunication and misread feelings and misrepresented actions (“he was clearly embarrassed for me.” vs “it was so clear she that thought it sucked. she got up and sprinted out.” i love my two unreliable narrators devi vishwakumar and ben gross!!). i’m having a lot of thoughts about devi’s intentions here that i…probably won’t go into further detail about, lol, because this post is about ben. so. of course he reverts to “devi” here - they aren’t friends, right now. they aren’t really rivals right now, either - i mean, they always will be, of course, but that’s not the focal point of their relationship here. they’re talking for the first time after three months of radio silence, of ben creating this rift between them because of some bullshit advice after misrepresenting what happened (okay like. i’m not here to hate on ben - i just. it’s his fault. it’s literally his fault). he can’t call her “david” because, as i’ve said before, “david” has turned fond. they aren’t friends, they aren’t rivals, they aren’t lovers. so, “devi.”

(didn't include the first "devi" he says to get her attention in this scene, sorry.)

okay this is. basically bouncing off the last one - he can’t call her “david.” they aren’t close enough for that, not right now - they won’t be for some time this season. but he’s also trying to set the tone of the conversation, a more mature version of the one they had in the beginning of the episode. and i do applaud him for this, for owning up to all of this being his fault, too (which. i don’t think all of it was, honestly - there is blame to be placed on devi and on margot over what happened this episode, but the 3 months of no contact? ben’s fault, 100%). big props to him for apologizing. however still a little salty about him internalizing those words from mr. basketball player all those months ago, because dude did not have all the info when he gave ben that advice. but to be fair - ben is a seventeen year old with low social skills (not faulting him for that because like. same) so i sympathize with him a bit there. overall, based on where they are in their relationship in 4x01, i was really pleased with how this convo turned out especially since the spoilers we were given from the premiere made it look so much worse than it really is.

hm. remember how that last convo of theirs was pretty mature and low-conflict. yeah then they give us this. ben’s…exasperated. within reason, i think - and to be clear i don’t think devi’s really in the wrong here, it’s just…he chose to be with margot because he thought it was the easier route. he distanced himself from devi because he thought it would be easier. but it’s not. of course it’s not - he and devi both still have all these messy feelings for each other that they’ve been pushing down and suppressing and denying. and it’s tiring. being around devi while he’s “““moving on””” is tiring. being sucked into drama over and over is tiring. he wants - or thinks he wants- something calm, and easy. -and like. it would be fuckign easy if y’all just got your shit together and admitted your feelings but that comes later so we’re moving on for now-

okay so. as i’ve said in my previous posts, it doesn’t make sense for him to refer to her as “david” to other people when she’s not around, so we’re not going to explain why he said “devi” here - that’s a given. but this whole scene…he kinda let devi get into his head before talking to margot. like, from the characters’ point of view, not ours, it definitely seems like margot had the most motive to deface her car. i mean ben straight up says, “you did have a good reason, so i could understand why you might.” and this isn’t me digging at devi for thinking margot did it, or ben for second-guessing margot, or anything like that - it’s just like. objectively. it does seem like margot could have done it. so i get where ben’s coming from.

okay so…we know that that is. false. a lie. an untruth. et cetera. bouncing back to the first instance of “devi” in 4x02, this, once again, makes me think that ben is just…trying to make things easier, calmer. he doesn’t want to deal with devi’s drama right now (again, not dissing devi, just explaining his pov). interrupting her with, “listen, devi,'' to get her attention, to shut her up because he just…can’t do this right now. he’s conflicted - he cares about devi so deeply that it’s detrimental to him at times, and after the events of 4x01 and 4x02, he thinks the best thing to help him keep “““moving on””” (bc like. i’ve touched on this before but there is no moving on for him when it comes to devi) is to go back to silence and estrangement. back to how they were over the summer. back to how they were in those few episodes of season 2, even, just with less vitriol. so, “devi” to further that distance - earlier in the episode, he says, “we are friends,” but here, he’s all but saying, we can’t be friends, not anymore. not now. maybe not ever again.

following this up with:

the thing is…he does look sorry. he doesn’t want to lose her again. it hurts her, yes, but it also hurts him. but like i said - this is easier for him, for right now at least.

oooh this brings me back to 2x08, “devi, you’re daisy.” ben, currently dating a girl that’s not devi, while still having all these complicated feelings for her, relating her to the material they’re currently studying, after she almost became the reason said girlfriend had to leave sherman oaks (temporarily for margot, of course, but still) - it’s not an exact copy/paste, obv, but i’m loving the parallel. also brings me back to 1x02, “it’s okay, devi. i know how hard it is to memorize seven facts,” the same tone being used then as it is now - although with different intentions, of course. ben is - bitter, i would say. of course he is. this whole situation is just…really reminiscent of that 2x05 to 2x07 arc, although with a bit less anger - they’ve got not just their rivalry and (currently, failed) romance behind them, but also those months of real friendship they had during season 3. there’s even more history between them to contend with now, which makes it harder for him to be angry with her. he still is - just not to the same extent as the s2 aneesa situation.

remember when i said ben stopped talking to her to make it easier? yeah. i honestly totally forgot he says exactly that until i got to this scene while writing this out. “it’s just easier this way. she just always complicates things.” just - ouch, ouch, ouch. this is just me reiterating everything i’ve already said, i guess. does he want to push devi away right now? no, i don’t think so. but it makes things less complicated for him. devi is messy, yes, they’ve established that well over all four seasons - but this isn’t really about how messy devi is, is it? he tells margot that it’s because of devi, and it is, partially, but it’s also because of him. because he and devi clash. because he and devi mesh. because, at least right now, it is so hard for him to separate all these things he feels - angry and disappointed, yes, but there’s this - wistful, i want to say, feeling there under all of that, this pull he’s always going to feel with her. and he’s not in a place where he can let that go unless he cuts her off.

god i do feel for ben here. i wish they had brought back some of the stuff from last season with him…chilling out more when it comes to academics and all that, but like, this is ben gross we’re talking about here - one intestinal blockage and heartfelt convo with his dad isn’t going to erase over a decade of self-set high expectations. dude is stressed, literally sweating through his clothes and now he looks like someone squirted a bottle of french’s on him.

and amongst all this, comes the last person he wants to talk to right now - he smells like sweat and acrylic paint and he just had his girlfriend judge the spiel he’s probably recited in the mirror a hundred times (which like, in all fairness to margot, it did feel like a bowflex commercial). and now here’s devi, all calm and collected with her power blazer and bouncy high pony - looking like the opposite of what ben’s feeling. he’s already frustrated, and her showing up makes it that much worse - until approximately two seconds later when she saves his women’s medium sized ass.

episode 5’s you never disappoint do you. i love, love, love this conversation between ben and devi - this vulnerability here, the way they tell each other that they’ll be okay, that yes, this is scary. our lives are about to change forever - but you’ll make it through. you’ll survive. you’ll thrive.

and this line…this so much. ben knows who devi is, has been in proximity to her for twelve years at this point, as a rival, as a friend, even as a lover for a short stint - and he knows her, and he knows that she knows herself. maybe - no, definitely - she didn’t know who she was before, drowning in fresh grief, but she’s grown, she’s healed (not completely, but she has healed nonetheless), and ben has had a front row seat to that. he has watched from up close as she became the person she is now. he believes in her, and he knows she can believe in herself, too.

i promise i’m feeling so totally normal about this…remember when i said i thought the first “david” would be at the end of 4x05 during reconciliation? i do, and, surprise surprise - i was right, because ben gross is nothing if not consistent (most of the time, at least). this “david” is driving me insane. they just had this heartfelt discussion about their fears with going to college, reassuring each other that they’ll be okay, fucking…pep talking each other, because they know each other better than they know anyone else, and ben drops a “david” like it’s nothing. like it’s easy. like he means it!!! i’ve said so many times that “david” has turned into this term of endearment almost exclusively used during their friendship, with ben avoiding using it when they’re not friends, and after last episode, where it had been verbally established (by devi, at least), that they still aren’t friends…now he slips a “david” in. this is the closest, the most vulnerable, they’ve been with each other in months. this is ben taking that step to pull them even closer - ben feeling safe enough to do so. this is ben saying, “i can be your friend,” thirty seconds before he actually utters those words.

okay full disclosure, “david” isn’t in the official captions on this one, so like, idk if jaren decided to add this day of filming or what - but whatever. that doesn’t matter here. what does matter is this absolute effortless slide back into their friendship. ben going out of his way to approach her, to tell her the good news (well. it’s not really good news for devi but like. he doesn’t know that, so). he’s excited for her!!! he gives her this boost of confidence (and yes i know it doesn’t last long, what with the deferral email coming in that day but. still.)

ooooh the way i love this scene!!! the fact that we get to see this interaction through paxton’s eyes is just delightful to me. like, okay, i’m not a “he’s mean to you so he likes you!!” kind of person, but banter like this coming about while they’re actively friends and post-bargot (bengot? ragross? ykwim) breakup…it’s thinly veiled flirting, and idk if we would have been given that perspective if this scene had been shot from devi’s pov, or ben’s. while this isn’t the first taste of mutual banter we’ve got all season (looking at you, 4x04 bathroom scene), this is the first friendly mutual banter, and god we were starving for it - at least i know i was. there’s bite behind their words, but it’s playful for both of them!! but like - then there’s the shot of them both immediately fixing their appearance after they’re no longer in each other’s line of sight (ben tucking in his necklace, devi taking off her cardigan) and i just. ooooh my god i love it. i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again - peak crush behavior. and ben isn’t even posturing for paxton here like he would have before, thanks to the literal shitstorm of 3x06 - ben’s only…well, acting up, i guess i would say, for devi. not anyone else.

(and like this is totally unrelated but god do i wish we got more bexton interactions this season, but oh well.)

hi yeah no i’m still not over this scene. it’s. so unapologetically horny and it’s a side of ben i’m honestly so glad we got to see. like, okay, we already know he messed around a little with shira, had (bad) sex with devi, and is canonically a boob guy, but this more in-depth peek at his desires (cough cough degradation kink cough cough) is just…chef’s kiss. yes this is devi’s show first and foremost but god do i love the looks into ben’s brain we get. and this - this desire for devi, this want for her, something he can’t run from in his subconscious no matter how hard he runs from it in his waking hours - yes, it’s a wet dream, but it’s more than that. trent says it: “...you really love her.” ben loves her. he can’t get her out of his head. he wants her - physically and emotionally.

let’s, for now, ignore that this is moments before disaster. god, the look on his face, this eager, hopeful smile, the fucking bouquet he brought for her. he’s riding the high (ha, get it) of trent’s earnest pep talk, ready, for the first out of multiple times this season, to tell her he wants her. he’s done denying it, to himself and now to her, too (which. the latter obviously doesn’t really happen for another few months - but that’s beside the point).

this instance is pretty self-explanatory from ben’s pov (i mean, that’s what y’all are here for). checking in that she’s okay after seeing her throw up, congratulating her, etc. not spending too much time on this one - just noting the, once again, effortless slip back into “david” after the events of last episode. not saying there’s not some inner turmoil going on for him regarding his feelings for her; even though we can’t see it, it’s still there - but birthdaygate (as nalini called it) was…a disaster, to put it lightly, so. back to “david” it is…for now, at least.

god this followed immediately by the “is she okay?” and then ben rushing off to go check in on her…i’ll touch on this more in the next instance, but like. he’s truly the only one who gets how much this would hurt. not saying that no one else understands how devi feels, but he’s the only one who would really, truly get it if the same happened to him. just - the wondering how she didn’t get in anywhere, because she’s just as smart as (and, technically as 4x10 proves with that valedictorian sash, smarter than) him. the immediate concern for her, the need to check in...god, he cares for her so much.

“But you’re not a quitter.” bringing back the “no one knows them better than they know each other” thing - because it’s true. no one knows devi better than ben knows her. he knows what she’s capable of - has been on the opposing side of it for over a decade. he has won against her, lost against her, won with her, lost with her…he’s seen her rise and fall and pick herself back up to rise again. he understands her, and he understands why this is so painful for her - if it were him, it would feel like twelve years of hard work, of early mornings following sleepless nights, of flash cards and meticulous notes and extra credit projects, all being flushed down the drain. he gets it, gets her. this being the first use of “devi” (to her, and not in a dream sequence) since 4x05 - he uses it to set the tone, to get her attention, to get her to listen to him. because he knows she doesn’t really want to give up. and he as much as says that: “but if you don’t try everything that you can, you’re gonna regret it.” she already knows this - there’s no doubt in my mind about that, and there’s no doubt that ben knows that she knows this. she just needed to hear it from the one person who understands - and it worked. she does try - and, as we see in 4x10, she succeeds.

this…this is the biggest break in his pattern when it comes to “devi” vs “david.” he never refers to her as “david” with a - romantic isn’t the exact word i’m looking for, but it’s the one we’re gonna use - romantic intention. i think he’s using “david” here to sort of…ease the tension, so to say? to lighten the mood a bit. he wants to tell her - has wanted to since trent told him to speak his truth, likely longer than that. but after birthdaygate - he doesn’t want to show too much of his hand. “maybe i was wrong, david.” not “i was wrong, devi.”

feeling especially attached to this use of “david” tbh. the excitement he feels for her, immediately rushing to pull her into a hug, how proud he is of her, especially after the events of the last episode. again, he knows how hard she’s worked for this, and he knows what it’s like to feel all of that hard work pay off. she’s not alone in feeling this satisfaction - he’s feeling it with her.

i loved, loved all the callbacks to the previous seasons, and this is no exception. the addition of “david” here brings me back to this post by @catty-words that i’m still thinking about almost two years later (and have referenced in 2 out of 3 of these analyses): “it’s a relic from their rivalry.” obviously cori goes into it a bit differently in that post because it’s about their season 2 arc, but to re-work that line here: the equatorial guinea nametag (i would say plaque but like. it’s a piece of paper) is a memento of their first time teaming up, but it is also a relic of their rivalry in a way - the initial anger of devi infiltrating his club, the temporary alliance that was struck down just hours later, the nuclear attack. and so, yes, “david” here is used as that mark of friendship, as i’ve referred to it before, and so is the nametag, but they’re also both a representation of their enmity - albeit in a much more playful way than the "david" from 2x05.

i’m going to refer you to the genius of rae @ice-sculptures real quick, who had this to say in regards to ben’s patterns when it comes to what he calls her: “it could be that he “hides” behind david when the lines of their relationship are blurred and uses it as a way to convey the affection that he doesn’t think he can openly express. but when they actually get together he doesn’t need to hide anymore bc he knows that she’s aware of how much he loves her…so devi is enough.”

y’all. devi is enough. he doesn’t need to use a term of endearment, a pet name, with her here. he doesn’t need to hide behind “david.” and like. just in case you aren’t aware - “david” means “beloved” in hebrew. i’m sure ben’s aware of that - he’s a giant nerd, and he’s jewish - it never gets established in canon, so it may just be something we’re all collectively reading into, but like. i’m obviously going to continue reading into it - he doesn’t have to hide behind “beloved” anymore, he doesn’t have to use this roundabout way to tell her how he feels - he can just say it. and he says it without even knowing if she feels the same way. he’s following trent’s advice from 4x08: “you must go to her. [...] you must tell her how you feel. there's no time to waste. [...] you must speak your truth. she needs to know." he flies to her on a whim to tell her he likes her. actually, he thinks he loves her, “devi.” he loves her. this is the bravest thing he’s done - he doesn’t know how she feels, doesn’t know if she loves him back - but he tells her anyways. he can’t wait. it doesn’t matter that she’s flying to the east coast the next day, where she’ll be a two hour and six minute train ride away. he has to tell her now. there’s no time to waste. she needs to know.

god. i just - i love that they already had this - this whole soft, sweet love confession, full of shy, gentle smiles and giggles, followed by The Big Damn Kiss of All Time (and like. the big damn bang of all time) and he still feels the need to tell her that he wants to be with her. that he wants to start this next chapter of life with her. and there’s just…something so important to me about them not being high school sweethearts. about them not really giving this an actual shot until they’re headed to college. he doesn’t want “let’s kiss at our lockers in between periods and sit next to each other in the cafeteria while we eat gloopy square-shaped pizza.” he wants “let’s fall asleep on facetime during exam season. let’s spend one weekend in new york and the next in new jersey. let’s meet in the middle. let’s cram ourselves onto a twin-sized dorm room bed that’s definitely not made for two people. let’s learn how to be adults together. let’s give this a real try. let’s give us a real try.”

and so they do.

and with that...we're done. if you've reached the end, thank you for reading! i'm so sad that this series of posts has come to an end, but i've had an absolute delight doing these, and i'm so pleased with the ending of this show - because it didn't feel like an ending. it felt like a new beginning. i'm going to miss never have i ever (i already do), but i'm so happy to have spent the past few years yelling about it with all of you - and i'll likely continue yelling about it in the near future.

#long post #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #benvi #ben x devi #devi x ben #never have i ever #nhie #nhie s4 #never have i ever season 4 #devi vs david #went a little off the rails with this one but like. can y'all blame me they make me fucking insane #anyways pls validate me i spent so much time on this <3

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 11 months

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Old Habits, New Faces

Epilogue for Sweet Treats AU: by character | chronological | epilogues

Warnings: these drabbles will include dark elements such as noncon, control, intimidation, and other stuff that may not be specified. Take this as you chance to scroll by.

Note: Hope you don't mind...

Please let me know what you think <3

🍒🍒🍒

“Here you are, sir,” you approach the table, trading the contents of your tray, a plate of apple crisp and an American, for the slender metal centerpiece that holds the table number, “nice and warm from the oven.”

“Mm,” he grumbles without looking up from his phone, a stitch between his brows. You hold onto the metal card holder and try not to stare. You lean back on your heel, you should leave him alone.

He sighs and puts his phone down. He stares at the empty seat across from him. A line forms across his forehead as he scowls.

“Thanks.” He balls his gloved fist on the table top. His left hand. Not very subtle when you know who he is.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but are you the Bucky Barnes?”

“If you don’t want to, why–” He begins sharply. You flinch as he looks at you, a glare that softens at once. He cringes and corrects himself, forcing a smile that sets a handsome dimple in his cheek. “Sorry, long day. Yes, I am the Bucky Barnes.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… I’ll get back to the counter.”

You turn on the ball of your foot and scurry away, embarrassed. You knew better and you did it anyway. You just can’t believe it’s really him. Here of all places. This deadbeat town in the middle of nowhere. Wait! Is he on a mission?

You stand behind the till, fighting not to look over at him. Another customer enters. Kathleen. You have a tray of cupcakes waiting for her. You slide the box across to her as she pays on the machine. You wish her a good day and you’re left once more to languish in the tension.

You can’t just stand there. You know it’s probably a bit creepy to just stare out the window. Or him. Don’t look!

You go to the shelves and start your inventory. You should wait until a bit later but it’ll keep you busy. You slide some loaves over and rearrange the display case.

His chair scrapes and his treads scuff. You don’t dare peek up as you wait for him to leave. Then you can wallow in your embarrassment alone. He clears his throat loudly and you pop your head up.

“Oh, hi again,” you close the display and sidle over with your best customer service.

“You have any of that left?” He asks, his voice gristles like gravel. He looks tired. Bags under his eyes and a pallid hue to his skin.

“Um?”

“The crisp? It’s my favourite.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, lots actually.” You try not to show how nervous you are. If he knew you had him as your phone wallpaper, oh gawd. “I could get you another piece. On the house. As an apology.”

“Apology?” He shakes his head.

“I really shouldn’t have asked earlier. I didn’t mean to be nosy.”

“It’s fine,” he says gently, “Didn’t mean to scare ya. I’m sure you folks don’t get many newcomers around here… do you?”

“No, not really. There was a group that passed through a few weeks ago. They stayed at Margot’s. She runs the B&B around here– um, that doesn’t matter, I guess. But, yeah, no, pretty tame her. Bodunk, if you will.”

He scoffs and nods, his expression eases up and his blues eyes consider you.

“Not to stroke my own ego, but are you a fan?”

“Er, a little,” you confess. “I mean, you and Cap. That’s big time compared to anything around her. But Bill Foster, he’s a volunteer firefighter, he got a cat out of a tree the other day… I’m rambling again.”

His lips curl at the edges, almost indiscernible. He rests his hand on the counter and his fingertips tap as his gaze clings to you. You squirm and wipe your sweaty palms on your apron.

“So uh, how about that crisp?”

“Think it’d be better with company,” he intones.

“Hm?”

He reaches in his pocket and takes out his wallet. He slides out a bill and lays it down.

“On me. You been working hard. I’d love to treat ya.”

“I… can’t, Mr. Barnes, I have to…” you look around desperately. Still empty.

“You got a few minutes,” he insists, “don’t you, doll? Kinda dull ‘round here, ya know?”

“Ya, I know,” you look down at the twenty. “I guess I could sit down for a few minutes.”

“Oh, and it’s Bucky,” he corrects you as a full blown smile blooms across his face, “could I also ask for a name with my crisp?”

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x cherry #drabble #drabble series #sweet treats #au #mcu #marvel #captain america #winter soldier #avengers #bucky barnes x reader #dark!fic

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aestherin · 1 year

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privacy

11: are you my heart?

NOTES Hello! Sorry for the very late update haha this took me way longer than I thought it would?? That's it I have no excuses bahahaha </3 My very first attempt at writing a written chapter (semi?) im so bad at this omg apologies in advance abdhadhaha Anyways, I hope u guys enjoy!! 🤍

"The heck?" You muttered as you saw Ayato waiting for you silently in the lobby.

Aside from his mask and sunglasses, he was wearing almost exactly the same thing as you. Well, except the bottons on the upper half were open, revealing his turtleneck underneath. Your sightseeing was immediately cut short when he walked towards you.

"Good morning, love," he beamed.

As he reached your spot, he leaned in playfully, bringing his mask down using those slender fingers of his. "Missed me?"

"I think you missed me," you smiled sweetly. Attempted to, at least. "Seeing as how you're bringing your face so close to mine."

If Ayato were to be truthful, he really did. However, the prideful Kamisato (albeit a worshipper of even the mere ground you walk on) does not wish to lose a game he started himself.

"Come now, love. Just admit you missed me just as much, seeing as how you're not pulling away from me, hmm?"

"Using my words against me? That's not fair."

He just chuckled as you finally got to distance yourself away from him. With arms crossed, you gave Ayato the eye, scanning him from head to toe. "Are you sure you weren't trying to copy what I'm wearing?"

"I was already at the lobby when you messaged me about your outfit, [name]," the man grinned. "You're really good at assuming things wrong."

It was embarrassing, really. To have Ayato win every single argument. No matter who starts the banter, it's always him who gets the last laugh.

Therefore, you, who shared that prideful trait with him, swore to one day win at least once against him.

For now, you just ignored Ayato and walked straight towards the entrance of the building, but you suddenly felt him tug on your shirt's fabric. "What?"

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Outside?"

"I parked at the back. Less exposure that way, hun."

"Oh."

"Well, fuck."

The back, was in fact, not deserted. No. Not at all.

Contrary to what your companion thought, it was now swarming with... pests.

"When, how, did the media get to the rear parking lot?" Ayato started rambling, keeping you close next to him as his right arm was placed around your waist and the other trying to protect your face from the continuous flashes.

You rolled your eyes in an attempt to fakely mock him. "I can't believe I agreed to be in a fake relationship with someone dumb. If I knew you'd be bringing your flashy sports car again, I would've just called for a taxi."

"Excuse me? Me? Dumb?" He sighed, backing down. "In my defense, I just wanted to give you the most comfortable experience possible."

"Yeah, running from the paparazzi is real comfortable, love."

You heard him laugh, making you smile too despite the situation at hand. "Well, love, I didn't know they'd follow me here. And for that, I apologize."

"By the way, Ayato. Seriously speaking," you poked his side. "I can manage. Prioritize yourself."

"No." Even through his mask, you can note how his expression slightly changed. His jaw. His jaw freaking clenched so fucking attractiv— No. Stop. Oh my God self.' "You're my priority, [name]."

Oh.

Wow.

At that very moment, you wanted to go to the hospital because you were certain that something was very very wrong with both your stomach and your chest. 'I think there's been a glitch. Is my whole system in error? What the heck?'

"You really have a crush on me," you joked as the two of you were still looking like idiots trying to avoid getting drenched by the rain... when really, you were just trying to get past through the nonstop flickering of lights.

"Oh wow. How did you know? Was it that obvious?"

"Shut up."

"What if I really do?"

"No you don't."

"Are you my heart? How would you know my feelings better than mine?"

"Feelings are processed by the brain."

"So? You're not my brain either. My point still stands."

"God, stop."

----------

-----------

"[Name], this is Hirotatsu. Hirotatsu, this is my lover, [name]," Ayato motioned towards the guard standing near the gate.

Hirotatsu bowed his head to you, even going as far as placing his hand over his chest. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, madam. Sir Ayato has been talking about y-"

"Ahaha," your boyfriend started pulling you away from the well-built man and towards the main frontyard. "I think this introduction's been a little too informative." He then guided you towards an old woman, all while muttering something along the lines of how his security personnel should have 'keeping-mouths-shut lessons', or something like that.

He introduced you to everyone outside the estate, every single person there, including the housekeepers, the guards, his staff, as in everyone.

It was as if you really were his girlfriend that he was bringing home to meet the family.

"What about your p-" Flashbacks of the time you saw the articles about this renown actor (also now your fake lover) being an orphan stopped you. "Hmm?"

"Your power bill? How much is it? Your house is so so huge how do you afford to pay the bill?"

The blue-haired man let out a laugh before smirking at you. Suddenly, you felt a light flick on your forehead. "Hey! What -"

"Well, love, it just so happens that my net worth is also so so huge."

You made a face.

And again, he laughed.

"Would you like to tour the inside now?"

"I'm tired."

"Then let's rest first. Inside."

You groaned.

----------

Unbeknownst to you, the people previously introduced to you were enjoying the endearing scene playing in front of them. Who knew their young master would ever be so fond of someone to this extent?

Yes, the people of the Kamisato Estate find banters endearing. Don't ask why, don't judge.

"The lady that Sir Ayato has been talking to me nonstop about is very attractive indeed," Granny Furuta stated. "I really do hope they last and end up together."

privacy — ayato x reader smau

prev. masterlist. next.

TAGLIST I (still open!)

@catsrkool @sukunasrealgf @redactedhimbo @layla240 @mxlkytea13 @itsactuallylina @milza12 @aixaingela @tatiratty @kimiesstuff @laventiseriou @kunihaver @bibisbestgirl @lunaavity @coquettemaiden @opchara @slvdsjjk @cotton-eee @lady-elodie @dearxiiao @wheneverthesunrise @heartswonder @chuduchok @r1tas @lleoll @vnderthesunn @lizzardlady1234 @nekogakuro @rifran @atlatcaheart @ani-st @creammpuff @lunastarjay @kittycasie @poisoned-candy-apples @zannivrs @b0bafl0wer @moonlightaangel @elsoleil

#privacy smau #ayato x reader #genshin impact #genshin #kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #genshin smau #ayato smau #aestherin #genshin celebrity au #modern au #genshin modern au

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ash-arts-but-sinful · 6 months

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Bro how do u feel P would act w a shy lover,, like I love physical contact whether it’s sexual or not but I will not for the life of me initiate it, i get way too embarassed 😭 I love what everyone writes abt P but I can never fully imagine it happening bc I’m not one to take charge at all 💔💔💔 he’s so pretty I love him holy shit!!!

Also how have u been doing?? :3 I’m so excited for the DLC and sequel I can’t wait for more Pino content

I’m working real hard on my AU notes, art, and the discord stuff which is why I’ve been so quiet here, sorry about that! But I am SO EXCITED FOR THE DLC I WANT MORE OF MY BOY I’M ON MY KNEES MAN I’M AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH- because of the art work I’m wondering if we’ll be eaten by a whale or something cause that a lot of ships???

Yes, I am in pretty much the same boat as you anon so I’ll try to do us both Justice 🫡

Despite being with him for a while you can’t help your shy nature, especially when it comes to him. Sure, when he gets back from his excursions in Krat you’ll fret over him, make sure he’s okay and unharmed, but no matter how much you want to sweep him into your arms you just can’t do it.

You’ve confided in Sofia about it before and she, of course, suggested you just tell him. Everybody knew Pinocchio wasn’t the best with social cues, not yet anyway, but once he’s told what’s what he catches on fast. So, you listen to Sophia because, as ironic as it is, honesty is the best policy in this moment.

It’s easy to track him down, an embarassed apology spilling from your lips as you explain your problem. “I would love to give you affection, but the my shyness wins over too often to count.” He listens intently as he always does and you finish your rambling off with a hesitant, “Does that makes sense?”

He nods, you heave a sigh of relief.

From then on Pinocchio is there to initiate almost any form of affection, truly taking what you said to heart. It’s clear very fast that he’s either been asking Venigni for advice or he’s been reading through the romance section of the library because by the time he’s leaving again your hand is in his and pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles as he gives his farewell. It leaves you red faced as you stutter out your own goodbye.

When he returns he doesn’t hesitate to sweep you into his arms, hugging you tightly and spinning you in a quick circle before placing you gently back down.

On more than one ocassion he’s snuck up behind you and wrapped you into a tight hug, pressing you firmly into chest and nuzzling his face into your hair. He’s also managed to scare the life out of you when he does it which always results in apologetic butterfly kisses.

Speaking of kisses, everytime Pinocchio kisses you it never fails to leave you flustered. On the brightside, it’s never a surprised so you’re always fully prepared when his cool lips gently press to yours. The cherry on top? Everytime you part you can gaze into his beautiful blue eyes as looks at you with all the love the world.

#hope this is okay I’ve been writing like I’m a game dev for the past months so I had to change writing styles #sfw #lies of p #pinocchio x reader #pinocchio #anon

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saralovesyouu · 9 months

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Hello, :) I hope ur well. Can I pls request a comfort fic with Saeyoung and a depressed f!reader? Let's say reader is not the type to cry at all, like he has never seen her cry because she keeps it all bottled up even though she's in a lot of pain. I hope that's ok. Thank u ^^

Don’t cry, I’m here. — Saeyoung x fem! reader

Of course! And I’m doing well besides the 3 hours of sleep I’ve gotten, thanks. I hope you are too. I was confused about the gender of the reader, so I was rereading that a few times cause I was like. What? But when I read it the fourth time I was like OH they meant female reader. I thought that was funny I’m a little dumb, but anyways! Also yeah no that’s fine, I hope you enjoy it!

This is very much proofread.

I didn’t want to specify the reader’s issues cause of depression cause I don’t want to be like “oh the reader is upset cause of this” and then for you to have meant a different thing, so I tried to write it so that the reader’s reason for breaking down so suddenly wouldn’t be.. specific.

Warnings : Not much, reader’s reason for breaking down is not specific, reader is suggested to be female, a bit of comfort.

Saeyoung was sure he had you figured out. From small details about you in person, to large pieces of information of you online. He memorized every freckle and mole on your body, every password to all of your accounts.

So that’s why it surprised him when he saw you—his beautiful girlfriend—crying.

How did it get to this point? Well to him there was only one conclusion.

You were bottling it all up. How could he not notice?

It should’ve been obvious enough whenever you said you didn’t want to eat cause you lost your appetite, or when you seemed a tad more exhausted than usual, or even just when you started to space out whenever he was talking.

All the signs were there, right in front of him too.

So why didn’t he catch on?

Why didn’t he catch the way your eyes seemed to be unusually dull? Why didn’t he see the way you seemed to not want to get out of bed, refusing and blaming it on your fatigue? Why did he let it go far, why was he so blind to see you were in pain?

He of all people understands what that type of pain feels like, what it’s like to mask it and bottle it up, so why didn’t he know you were feeling this way?

So it was no surprise how speechless he was when he got home to see you crying on the bathroom floor.

He stayed shocked, standing in the doorway seeing you crying your heart out. Saeyoung didn’t stay frozen in dismay, rushing to your side.

“Hey, honey, no-no don’t cry what’s wrong?” He panicked, he wasn’t sure what to do.

“‘ts just too much to handle Saeyoung..” you cried, clinging onto him for the sake of your sanity.

“I don’t know what to do.. I thought my problems are my problems and they should stay my problems—“ you hiccuped “—so I wouldn’t have to bother you or anyone else about it, but it’s just too much pressure—I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t want to be burden on any of you.”

Saeyoung felt his heart shatter when he heard how pained your voice sounded, holding you close as he hushed you “Hey, don’t apologize. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” was what he asked, but really he was thinking why didn’t he see it sooner?

Usually he’d know what to do, how to comfort you. But he’s never seen you like this before. Hell, he has never seen you cry before. So he’s so thrown off on what to do.

“You were always—“ you tried to talk, but your words only came out in choked out sobs so Saeyoung interrupted you.

“Shh.. shh it’s okay my love. I’m just..” he paused, unsure what the right words to say were “I’m here now, tell me what’s wrong?”

And so you spilled. All your troubles and worries, every single doubt and problem you’ve been experiencing. And he sat there, holding you close to him as if you would slip through his hands like sand—and listened to every word you had to say.

After you had finished, your rambling now incoherent due to your sobs, he gently rubbed soothing circles onto your back. “It’s okay. I’m here now. You’re okay.” He cooed, hoping that would help in comforting you.

But you weren’t calming down, and he wasn’t sure what to do. He was thinking of texting, or maybe even calling another RFA member in hopes they would know, but he somehow already knew they’d be as clueless as he was now. So all he could do was try to calm you down.

“Hey,” Saeyoung whispered, pulling you back up by your shoulders, your teary eyes staring right back into his golden ones “can you breathe with me?”

Yeah, he thought. That should be the first step in calming her down, right?

“O.. Okay.” You hiccuped.

“Good, okay. Breathe in,” he inhaled, waiting for you to inhale with him as well, and after a few moments he exhaled “breathe out.”

It took a while, but eventually you weren’t crying as bad anymore.

“Okay,” Saeyoung mumbled “okay.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice was soft, and low—in almost a whisper-like way. Which heavily contrasted his usually ‘happy-go-lucky’ nature.

“I think so.” Was all you managed to croak out in response, hiccuping a bit. But at least you weren’t sobbing to the point of being unresponsive.

He was still very much confused. You always seemed so cheerful, laughing at his jokes, teasing Yoosung with him. You never cried, or if you did, never in front of him.

Saeyoung wants to take care of you, the way you did with him when he tried to push you away.

“Do you..” he paused, propping himself up so now he was leaning against the wall “..do you need anything? Water? A snack?”

“Can you just stay here with me?” You asked, your eyes fluttering closed, a bit worn out from crying so much “Just for a bit.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding “yeah I can do that.”

And at least, you thought, you at least had some form of peace in his arms. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, and for the first time you didn’t feel alone, no longer wallowing in the depths of your depression. Cause now, now you had Saeyoung.

And he was going to make sure you, his precious girlfriend, would never feel like this ever again. Or at least be there for you whenever you fell into that deep rabbit hole again.

But one thing was for sure, he would make sure you never have to face this type of issue on you own.

————

Bonus!!

“Saeyoung..” you whispered, still curled up in a fetal position as he wrapped himself around you.

“Yeah?” He hummed in reply, tugging you closer to him, as if to remind you that he’s still there.

“Thank you.” you chuckled, your voice was quiet, but he still managed to hear you.

Saeyoung was about to speak again, when he heard you talk “You shouldn’t have seen me like that. But still, thank you for staying with me.”

He was a bit surprised. What did you mean he shouldn’t have seen you like that?

“It’s nothing.” Was all he murmured, snuggling his face deeper into the crevice of your neck.

“You sure you don’t have anything else to do?” You asked, then adding “No work to be done? I don’t want you getting in trouble just because I’m .. like this.”

Saeyoung chuckled, making a faint ‘pssh’ sound “I’m sure I can take a break from the computer if it means making sure your okay.”

All you did was hum in reply, nodding in confirmation.

“Hey (Y/N)?” He called, propping himself up on his elbows, looking over to see your face.

“Yeah?” You replied, eyes flickering to meet his.

“You know I love you, right?” He murmured in more of a question, but you knew he only meant to assure you.

“Yeah, I know.” you nodded turning around to be face to face with him.

“I love you too.”

(A/N) : This is about maybe 900 words? Maybe a bit more than that. I was pretty reluctant on posting this, not cause of anything with the request but the way I had written it was kinda ehhh to me. Y’know? I’m not good with comfort but this was fun to try! I really hope you liked it, if you didn’t please do not hesitate to lmk so I can fix anything and everything for you, but I hope you’re well too! And I’m also sorry for not publishing this sooner, as I said before I’m a bit insecure of my writing hesitant to post this. But I’m going to, just cause I want to see if there’s anything I can fix. I’m always open to criticism! That being said, thank you for reading this, and again—if you see that anything need fixing or something is not to your liking lmk!!

#saeyoung choi #mysme saeyoung #saeyoung x reader #mystic messenger x reader #mysme seven #707 x reader #mystic messenger #x reader #female reader #mysme rfa #saralovesyou writes

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starberry-cupcake · 21 days

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You are 100% completely correct about the tagline not being an effective summary of the first book and flattening the scope of the series. I think that's a pretty common opinion in the fandom! I guess they thought "Genre-defying work of literary genius (but it's also very fun)" wouldn't sell and went for content instead. But I think the mismatch of the tagline and the thematic nature of the books is part of why TLT fans evangelize so hard. Lesbian necromancers in space BUT WAIT IT'S SO MUCH MORE! COME BACK!! LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE CLASSICS PARALLELS!!!

Anyway I'm truly enjoying your reactions and I look forward to your Harrow journey <3

You're giving me an excuse to talk about editing things, so I apologize in advance for the long response :') This is all my personal opinion as someone who's new to this (the books, not the editing part), so I'm sorry if I say something incorrect 🙏

The ebook doesn't have the back blurb, so I don't know what they did with that (maybe it's amazing!), but this book is imo an ideal candidate for the "quote from the book and absolutely nothing else" back cover blurb choice. Which is a risky move to some but has worked for best sellers in the past.

I think that because:

the very subjective third person the first book uses is just as good as a first person to provide the reader with an idea of the narrative perspective (maybe even more so, because the subjective third is a very contemporary thing)

the book works better without the reader being introduced to anything at all, not even the context of space, even if you're wondering what thanergy is and crying about it halfway, it enriches the Gideon perspective and encourages you to think outside the box

the author (in my ignorant opinion as a new reader) seems to be at peace with this and has a very high amount of trust in the book working without hand-holding the reader at any given time, and that the knowledge will come to those who care to continue trusting in it, which I think deserves just the same amount of trust from the editing choices

With the font choice for the title and the cover illustration, a quote in the back blurb would make this book absolutely good to go imo. Especially because Gideon is book 1 and Gideon wears sunglasses and the juxtaposition of her look with the sunglasses, plus her tone in a well chosen quote, is a good indicator of a lot of things.

ANYWAY, I hope that makes sense and explains a bit more of what I was thinking about when writing those comments. I'm a bit intimidated with giving opinions at this point, since I don't know much but here we are. Thank you for reading my silly ramblings and for being interested enough to keep reading them ♥

#luly reacts to tlt #ask #carys-the-ninth

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fivewholeminutes · 4 months

Text

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

#it was surprisingly hard to write #took a lot of editing and rewriting whole paragraphs and it's still not a proper description of everything i wanted to say #i don't know how to talk about emotions #and i have. a lot of them since wembley #a word of advice: attend concerts. beg for money for them from your family members sleep in tents during rain #or in hostel rooms filled with random people #go for gigs without a place to sleep and spend 4hrs waiting for your bus home in a local mcdonalds #watching drunk guys split their eyebrows on the stairs there #(not now tho now we're boycotting macdonalds #but there are other places open 24/7)#go to gigs alone #but by god. go to them if you are able to and if your health allows you to go #(and yes it is coming from someone with anxiety. i wouldn't travel or sleep in a tent alone for anything else trust me)#it is always worth it. ALWAYS #sleep token

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