#another tiktok hottie
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“Quick and easy snack 🥚”
maurisabinpaz via Tiktok
#mauri sabin paz#men#male#tiktok#dailymalestarsedit#another tiktok hottie#sir those are big...#wow#those things are watching me#the last gif tho...
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— toothache ❄️
♫ All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth ♫
kinkmas day 1
Fem!reader. mdni. 2.9kw. in which doctor bangchan fills your cavities and the entirety of your mouth.
It hurt like hell.
Exposed to the cold early morning air of the winter, your teeth ache in your mouth. The pain was so aggravating that it had you zooming through the icy roads, trying to get to the dentist as soon as possible.
You had a cavity.
It was obvious, but it still caught you off guard. You genuinely always took good care of your teeth. You brushed, flossed, washed, and even went the extra mile to buy that expensive LED teeth whitening thing from TikTok.
Your hygiene was top tier.
but you’re still pulling into the parking lot of diamond dental with your hand glued to the side of your face.
“Seungmin, I’m freaking the fuck out.” You mumbled into the phone as you hop out of your Nissan, locking it multiple times because you're that kind of person.
The type to worry over little things like a stolen car and dying in a dentist chair.
“It’s not that bad, y/n. You won’t even feel anything.” Your coworker, most importantly your best friend, tells you from the other end.
“You’re acting like you’ve never been to the dentist before.”
He’s right, you have been there— but just to get your teeth brushed a couple times and handed a sticker right after. Not, to be stabbed in the mouth with a needle.
“It’s just been a while and you know how I feel about people’s hands in my mouth.”
“I don’t like the way you worded that.” He faked gagged, “anyways, call me when you’re done, Kay?”
“Kay.” you replied, slightly disappointed as he hung up the phone. Leaving you to walk the path of shame into the dentist office alone.
-
After filling out an extensive amount of paperwork, anxiously shaking your leg for an hour, and losing a mean game of virtual uno— your name was finally called.
You were led to the back by a small lady whose steps were short but impactful. She was so fast, you couldn’t tell if you were a patient or a Maury cameraman.
“Go on in,” she gestured towards the basic oral operation room. You take a seat, awkwardly deciding to put your hands on your stomach.
fuck you’re scared shitless, and the woman seems to notice your discomfort as she tries to distract you with a small conversation. But your eyes are still trained on whatever the fuck she’s putting together.
You inadvertently move away as she holds a silicone piece to your lips, “open as wide as you can,” she instructed.
Gosh, this was embarrassing. You were almost considering letting your teeth rot. But no, that’s gross.
Once the what-ever-it’s-called is placed in your mouth, she brings over another contraption. You assume it’s just a glorified camera, which was correct.
after a few pictures of your teeth, which kinda hurt btw, the woman inspected the photo. “Looks like you have a cavity on one of your molars. Other than that, you take pretty good care of your teeth.”
Pretty good? You felt like your efforts deserved higher praise but whatever. She goes on to tell you what needs to be done and how long it will take.
You grimace at the details.
“The doctor will be with you shortly.” She told before promptly leaving.
And now you’re left in complete silence. Well, not exactly silence. There was some music playing in the back, falling in melody with the constant sound of mechanical wiring from people in the rooms over— probably getting the same procedure. It sounded like someone was dying in there, seriously.
Anxiety filled you to the brim as you considered darting out that room right that second.
But just as you’re about to swing yourself out of your seat, there’s a voice that enters the room.
“Hello, ms.y/n . I’m dr.bang, I’ll be taking care of you for the day.” The doctor says as he steps in-front of you and suddenly you don’t want to move from that seat anytime soon.
He’s an undeniable hottie, even in those generic dentist scrubs that everyone in the faculty sported. For some reason, he just sparkled in them. Maybe it was because of the bulging muscles and his tan skin— whatever it was, your mouth was watering.
“Hello,” you said rather dryly, still locked on the vain that ran down his toned arm.
The doctor gives you a smile, a bright one too, and pulls a seat next to yours. “I hear you have a cavity. Mind if i have a look?” He asks as if you really have a choice. like he’s not already lowering the back of your chair so he can get a good look at your pearly whites.
He goes in with a tiny mirror, holding your chin with his free hand as he inspects the cavity. “You’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth, hmm?” he asked, thumb gliding over your bottom lip.“suckers, perhaps?”
Damn, he called you out.
Now this may sound a little weird, but you’ve always had quite the addiction to lollipops — suckers, the tootsie pop ones specifically. it’s even gotten to the point where you have a jar of them waiting at home on your nightstand.
And it’s not even the flavor of candy itself, you just…like putting things in your mouth?
Moving on !
Dr.bang finally moves back, releasing your jaw that was just starting to hurt. “It's only a small cavity. just need to fill it in for ya and I’ll be out of your hair.”
Honestly, with a face like his, he could play in your hair for as long as he wanted to. Give it a few tugs while he’s at it.
“Okay, but um..” you gulp a bit, toying with the end of your jacket. “Are you gonna give me a shot? My mouth is a bit sensitive, and I was wondering if there were any other alternatives.”
The doctor chuckled softly hearing your concerns. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard something like this.
“Unfortunately, the numbing gel that we use wouldn’t be as effective for this procedure.” He said before placing his hand on your shoulder in a reassuring manner. “But I promise it’ll only hurt for a second. I’m sure you can take it, yeah?”
take what? him ? Or the damn needle?
You have no clue, but if he’s gonna talk to you like that, you feel like you could break through a wall if you put your mind to it.
The dirty thoughts don’t get any better throughout the rest of your time in that damn chair either. Dr.bang had quite the mouth on him.
“Open up for me” “atta girl.” “That’s it, just a bit more”, he would say this while fingers were damn there down your throat.
A bit of an overstatement, he’s drilling your teeth, but you wish was drilling his dick—
“All done.”
The back of your chair is lifted up and you try not to let your body slump over. You’ve been lying in that spot for about an hour and a half, teeth being tickled, and eyes being blinded by the dingy light above your head.
And yet, you don’t want to go home.
“Does everything feel okay, ms.y/n? Nothing bothering you?” he asks, removing his glasses and placing them in his —soft— hair.
You shake your head, “nope, just can’t feel my tongue.” You say, poking the side of your face, testing how much force it will take for you to actually start feeling it.
The doctor laughs at your comment, dimples on full display. “The numbness should wear off in a hour or so. Just try not to eat, don’t want you biting your tongue off.”
“Has that actually happened?” You asked, wide eyed and Mr.bang only laughed again.
“On occasion.” He told, “But you’re a smart girl, so I know you won’t disobey doctors orders.”
Does he get paid to talk like that? Or is he just written by a woman with daddy issues?
Both probably.
“Speaking of doctor orders, try to lay off the sugar, yeah? I’m sure you don’t want to see too much of me after today.”
—
“That was obviously an opening for you to flirt with him.” Seungmin scoffs as he closes the register.
You’re at your job, a small candy parlor called sweethearts, talking to your dear coworker about what transpired earlier that day. You didn’t spare him from the dirty laundry that harvested in your mind while you were getting the fill in. Seungmin doesn’t care tho, he’s not judgmental.
That, and you’re his only source of entertainment as the slow part of your shift comes around.
“Flirt? With the dentist? Isn’t there like a rule against that?” You asked, shifting the cherry flavored sucker in your mouth over to the other side of your cheek.
“For him, yeah” Seungmin shrugged, “but I doubt that anyone actually cares nowadays.”
“He’s probably in a relationship.” You popped the candy out your mouth, lips stained in a pretty red. “He’s too fine not to be.”
“And? ” he crossed his arms.
You blink at him a couple times, “I’m not fucking a taken man.”
“Loser.”
“You’re so-“ you sigh. “Whatever, just go restock something.” You push him from behind the counter.
The next few hours seemed to fade into each other as you stood absentmindedly behind the register. Seungmin had already clocked out since he got lucky and was offered a short shift for today. now you’re slouching at the register— phone in hand, while sucking on another tootsie pop.
“Just can’t stay away from those things, huh?” The voice grabs your attention with a force of seven suns.
you know that thick accent too well.
It had replayed in your head for the entirety of the day after your first encounter.
“D-Dr. bang?” you stutter, eyes round as you take in the man in front of you as he sets down a heart shaped box of chocolates.
“Chris.” he corrects, “I don’t like being called doctor outside the clinic. Makes me sound old.”
It makes him sound hot, in your opinion.
You nod a few times before clearing your throat, reminding yourself that you are on the clock.
”Christmas shopping?” you asked, still mentally going feral as gaze over his stature.
He’s dressed like a chase Atlantic song, how could you not ?
“Yes actually. I was looking for some small sweets to fill up a gift basket.”
“Oh” you perk, scanning the chocolates and placing them in a bag. “for your girlfriend?”
“No, don’t have one.” He says with a shrug, “it’s for my mom.”
A mamas boy ! Woo !
a spark of relief shoots through your body as you hear his words. You won’t have to be a homewrecker after all. Not saying that you were planning to but,, it’s just good to know.
“$6.58.” You tell and Chris follows through with the transaction. his hands brushes against yours as you pass the bag to him and you can’t help but blush like a schoolgirl.
“What about you?”
You blink, “what about me?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Is he showing interest too? Is that what this was?
“No, but I dont think these are the kind of questions doctors are supposed to ask.” you say teasingly.
“I’m just trying to get to know my patient better.”
“Uh huh, sure.” you raise an eyebrow, “got anything else you wanna ask?”
Chris crossed his arms, eyes flickering down to the stick that laid between your plump lips. The Candy was completely gone, leaving behind a blue hue on your mouth.
“Your obsession with suckers might’ve peaked my interest.” He told, “do they taste that good that you have to go against my orders?”
That's a really good question. it’s not the first time you’ve heard it, but it stumps you every time. You’re actually a savory kind of girl, like if you had to choose between pie or chips— you’re grabbing the saltiest bag you can find.
But it’s like all your life, you were always sucking on something. Your thumb, jawbreakers, ring pops— anything really.
“I don’t exactly know.” You start, thinking about how to word this. “It’s not exactly the taste…I just kind of like putting things in my mouth?”
Every part of you was expecting to be laughed at, but when not a chuckle left the man’s lips you were just confused.
“So you have an oral fixation?” He asks
“There’s a name for it?” “There’s a name for everything, love.”
“And how do you know all of this?” You push and Chris clicks his tongue.
“I’m a dentist, remember?” Chris takes a step closer, leaning against the counter. “I also know how to satisfy that urge you’ve been feeling.”
Oh.
—
you don’t remember how you ended up like this. pressed against the break room door, tongue tangled with a man you just met.
It’s a crazy situation, but honestly it’s not the wildest thing you’ve done.
your melting into his hold, kiss making you dizzy as if his saliva was laced with some kind of drug. it was absolutely intoxicating, the way his tongue explored every part of your mouth with no restraint.
“Taste so fuckin’ sweet.” He mumbled against your lips.
Chris’s hands roam under your shirt. his cold palms against your warm skin sends a shiver down your spine. Goosebumps follow behind him with every contact as he massages and squeezes your curves.
He pulls back from the kiss and you couldn’t help but whine at the sudden detachment. You try to get him back, but his hand grabs your jaw.
“Don’t worry pretty girl, I got something to fill that dirty mouth of yours.” He coaxes, thumb brushing your swollen lips. “On your knees.”
You take to the floor with no questions asked, eyes coming in direct contact with his bulge and you can’t help but wonder that would even fit in your mouth.
But you won’t back down from the challenge. Your hands almost beggingly climb up his thighs as you look up at him, silently asking for permission.
“If there’s something you want, say it.” Chris tells, head tilted to the side in such an attractive way.
You lean your face up against his leg, “can I put it in my mouth?”
The older grins, “Of course, baby.” He says before unzipping his pants and letting them drop to the floor.
You gulp at how thick his thighs are. Just imagine riding them, wetness dripping all over his skin.
And that’s not even the main event.
his boxers were wrapped so tightly around his dick, each inch was on display and it had your mouth watering. you wasted no time pulling them down, watching it pop up as it’s freed.
“ So big.” You whispered in awe before taking the base into your hands and guiding it to your lips.
“open up for me, love” Chris instructed and you do as told, parting your lips and taking him into your mouth.
the man above lets out a low groan as he's stuffed down your throat. He’s a little surprised at how easily you're handling his girth, lips wrapped around him so snuggly without a single gag.
“Just like that, good girl,” he praises as you suck him like a lollipop. “taking it so well.”
Your head bobbed at a generous rate, hands gripped onto his thighs while you slobbered over his dick. It was such a lewd scene to witness. only worsening when Chris grabs you by your hair, stopping your movements before he takes full control.
his hips reel away before slamming back into your face, fucking your mouth roughly. you whimpered as the head of his dick jabbed the back of your throat repeatedly.
Tears started to well up in your eyes from the harshness of his thrusts. Your throat was rubbed raw and there was an extreme ache in your jaw, but you can’t help being more aroused by the pain. The feeling of being tortured orally had your panties soaked.
So it’s only natural that one of your hands was tucked between your thighs, kneading your clothed clit between your fingers.
“Pretty lil mouth must feel so good finally being used, yea? been practicing on those stupid suckers just for this?” Chris asks cockily, knowing he’d never receive an answer.
He fucks you until his dick is twichting uncontrollably on your tounge, ready to release his thick seed down your throat. But before he even gives you the satisfaction, he yanks back, dick leaving your mouth with a pop.
He decided he’d rather see his cum painting your face than having it disappear without a trace. So he pumps himself in sync with your fingers that were still buried in your pants.
It’s only a matter of seconds before his white ropes drench your face— tongue, lips, lashes— all covered in his mess.
“Fuck” he curses and says something else, but you can comprehend. You're too deep in a daze.
“Y/n.” He calls and calls and calls and calls—
until suddenly his voice loses that thick Aussie accent and instead starts sounding more like your coworker.
“Yo, y/n? I'm gonna clock out soon.” Seungmin says waving his hands in front of your face, “your break was over 30 minutes ago.”
“W-what the fuck???” You blink, still confused and the male just sighs.
“You and your daydreams, man.”
:)
Kinkmas has finally started ! hope you guys enjoyed day 1. I had to quickly cut it short because I type too much and I definitely wouldn’t make the deadline if I continued. That being said, if you would like me to continue toothache as a series just let me know !
— sincerely nni
Tinytag list (open) : @sydnerss @sunnyyangie @foxinnie8 @panjakes
#kpop fanfic#stray kids imagines#kpop imagines#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#straykids x reader#bangchanxreader#bangchan x you#bangchan smut#straykids smut#kinkmas stray kids#kinkmas#chris bang
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Dating Noah includes:
bisexual afab reader edition. (Dating Noah headcanons are now by request only.) MDNI.
You and Noah point out hot people together.
"Hey," Noah gets your attention immediately by putting his phone in your face. "Isn't she hot?"
You take the phone from his hands, looking over the gorgeous instagram model on the screen. "Fuck yeah," you agree, passing his phone back. "She's beautiful."
"She has nice tits," he adds. "I wanna suck on them."
Although you two oggle hotties together, he sometimes gets jealous. There's a little jealous streak in Noah that acts up when he sees you with someone too hot.
An arm drapes around your shoulders, pulling you taught against his side out of nowhere. You look up at Noah and see him hardcore eying the person you'd been in conversation with. "Hey, sweetie," he says to you, looking directly at the person so they get the hint. "How's my girl?"
you, Noah, and your collective friend group sometimes go do karaoke together. It's definitely a little obnoxious to karaoke with someone who sounds as angelic as Noah does though.
Noah is a Nerd with a capital N and sometimes you surprise him by dressing up as his favorite characters.
His eyes practically bug out of his head when he sees you in the Legolas costume. You sit on the bed, leaning back on your hands and watching him with a smirk.
"How do you feel about getting blown by an elven prince?" You ask and the words are barely out of your mouth before his pants hit the floor.
gay jokes. so many gay jokes.
"Does this look okay?" Jolly holds the picture frame he's trying to hang, as level as he can get it. "What do you think, Noah?"
Noah eyes it for a second. "It's about as straight as my girlfriend," he replies jokingly and Jolly sighs.
"What about now, is it still gay to the left?" Jolly asks, after adjusting the frame and you choke out a laugh.
"It's gay to the right now," you answer.
Noah asking you to help him do eyeshadow in the bi colors (or in his pride colors) for a concert during pride month.
Someone throws a bi flag at him on stage and he immediately ties it on like a cape.
"Someone gif this and send it to y/n. I'm Captain Bisexual now."
helping Noah explore his own sexuality. He feels safe and secure enough with you to do it and even if he settles on being straight or realises he's LBGT+, you're both just proud of him for being open and secure enough in his sexuality.
adopting a cat with Noah and the two of you write down a bunch of pronouns, genders, and sexualities on pieces of paper, crumble them up, and throw them on the floor so your cat can choose it's identity like the old tiktok trend.
as long as it's discussed and consented to by you both and then other parties, sometimes you and Noah bring other people into your bed. Sometimes for threesomes or orgies and sometimes just because one of you wants to watch the other fuck.
Devin Oliver shoves your face down into the mattress, fucking you hard and fast from behind. You turn your head, catching Noah's eye as he watches. The sight of him stroking his cock while watching his friend fuck you, paired with how well Devin was fucking you, made your walls tighten as another orgasm washed over you.
Noah goes down on the girl that you two had brought home and her back arches immediately under his ministrations. You cup her cheek, moving her to face you so the two of you can share a kiss, one that she moans into when Noah flicks his tongue over her clit.
Putting together DND campaigns/characters together. You two and your friends have absolutely had a campaign based on the Concrete Jungle.
The table is covered in game play items - maps, character sheets, dice, etc and bowls of snacks line every surface of counter space in the kitchen.
"I can't believe you named your character Haon," you laughed as Noah rolled the dice, rolling a charisma check to see if he could flirt for information.
"You wouldn't let me name my character Noah," he says, sticking his tongue out and then cheering for his nat20.
joining the band for a stop or two during tour and cuddling with Noah after concerts or watching him perform from the side of the stage.
if he knows you're watching the concert, he sometimes gets horny. Dance moves that contain a lot of hip thrusting or even once grinding on Nicholas who got a little too into it when playing. (And was immediately afterward asked if he wants a bj from Noah as long as you could watch)
wearing matching Naruto inspired outfits with him.
implying that you're interested in learning guitar and sitting on his lap as he helps show you the different chords.
Noah teaching you a few simple songs on the guitar and accompanying you on the keyboard/piano so you can have a jam sesh.
showering with Noah and having him sit or bend down so you can wash his hair for him. lots of smoochies in the shower but no sex because one time Noah slipped and almost cracked his skull.
one time Noah surprises you by wearing lingerie.
getting boudoir photos done for/with each other
he gets very good at masturbating silently so he can send you videos while on tour.
doing fancy baths together. you guys have a huge collection of bath bombs, bath salt, bubbles, etc, for bath time. One time he brings home bath tub crayons as a joke.
You draw some stick people on the side of the tub and he laughs. "You are such an artist, baby," he teases.
"Hey at least I didn't draw 3 dicks with arms," you reply, pointing to Noah's drawings.
one time he buys a glitter bath bomb and glitter is immediately banned from the house afterwards.
He gets out first and your jaw drops, noticing the glitter that covers every inch of Noah's skin. "You look like Edward Cullen," you point out as you get out of the tub and scrunch your nose at your own glitter covered body.
The tub was a glitter disaster and it took you both several days to scrub off the glitter off yourselves.
sharing a secret spotify account with him so you can both make playlists and share music with each other.
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hi i've never done this before so idk if i'm doing this right or if you even take suggestions 😭 i just saw this tiktok and instantly thought of your paramedic steve story and felt like you could probably execute some sort of oneshot/series based on it
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRpKYet8/
like i really just wanna see steve being a groupie that's all.
I've never said I don't take suggestions 👀
Anon, I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting. I wanted to finish the main story before doing this. It's been in the back of my mind since you sent it, though.
It's kinda filthy; not sure if that's what you wanted, but considering the connotations the word "groupie" has... I hope you like this.
If Eddie were to make a list of things that make him happy, performing would be near the top. Any kind of performing would do – anything that has him at the center, an audience eating out of his hand – but music is the one he keeps returning to. He could probably do this for real, for a living.
It's just a shame about the fuckery connected to it.
Like, the performance? The thrashing around on stage, the screaming until it hurts, the bone-rattling volume of the music and the crowd? Perfect. Beautiful. Spectacular.
But the business side of it? Makes him want to puke.
He wants to create without capitalism. Entertain without exploitation. Touring sounds fun; stress does not. Interacting with fans could be great if he didn't know how crazy some people got around their idols. They're not even famous now, but sometimes he'll notice repeat visitors in the crowd and wonder if their awestruck expression is innocent or if they're plotting how to kidnap him, skin him alive, and wear him as a bathrobe.
He's not actually worried, okay? He's just wondering. All of the 'fans' he's talked to after shows are nice and normal (well, normal for his standards); he wouldn't mind speaking with most of them again.
Eddie especially wouldn't mind a post-show convo with the front-row hottie to his left. He looks out of place, hair too short to headbang with and dressed in a sleeveless navy button-up rather than a band shirt, but that's how Eddie likes 'em.
When the bass solo hits, he falls to his knees in front of the hottie. Sends him a winning smile that's returned ten times over. Don't tell anyone, but the kneeling was a strategic decision – no way could Eddie meet those gorgeous, hazel eyes directly without swooning. At least not when he's already incensed, dick half-hard from the adrenaline rush.
Some kids who aren't old enough to be in a bar shriek at the proximity to him, but Eddie ignores them. Right now, until the bass solo is over, the only ones who matter are him and Steve.
Steve puts his hands on the stage and pushes, heaving himself off the ground. Not enough to get on the stage, just to bring him another inch into Eddie's space. Eddie closes the distance, leaning in so their foreheads touch. His hair falls forward, curtaining them from the noise and the lights. Their breaths mingle, Eddie's as heavy pants and Steve's as calm puffs. Steve tilts his head, and Eddie prepares for a kiss. He gets no lips, only tongue; Steve licks his mouth, from one corner to the other. Eddie's own tongue darts out, flicking his tip at Steve's. Steve chuckles, throaty and full, and Eddie goes from half-hard to aching.
The solo finishes. Eddie throws himself backward, back hitting the grimy floor, and shreds while thrusting his hips into his Sweetheart.
When he looks back up, the crowd is wild, his band is killing, and Steve is resting his elbows on the stage, staring at Eddie with a grin and a wanton gleam in his eyes.
After the gig, and after packing their shit in the car, they head back inside. One step past the threshold and someone tries trapping him in a conversation. Always dependable, Gareth slips between and takes the hit, allowing Eddie to make a beeline for the bar where Steve is waiting.
He sides up beside Steve, who doesn't acknowledge him. No, he stays cool, casually leaning against the counter, fingers wrapped around a sweating beer bottle, the length of his neck on display as he drinks. His shirt is juuuuuust verging on too small, the fabric taut across his chest and the buttons begging for mercy when he squares his shoulders.
Eddie orders his own beer, downs half in preparation, and says, "So."
Steve glances at him, brow raising as he licks stray droplets from his bottom lip. Eddie's by-now-calmed cock twitches. What a fucking tease.
"Did you like the show?"
"Yeah, man, you were great," Steve says, turning his body toward Eddie, wearing a coquettish smile.
"Not sure I've seen you here before. I think I'd remember you." Eddie runs a finger over the frayed edge of the button-up's armhole. He resists touching Steve's bicep – he can show restraint, too! "You stand out."
"I'm new to the scene. Think I need someone to show me the ropes." Steve slides nearer, enough to murmur and still be heard. "Do you know anyone willing?"
Eddie takes a quick scan of the place, thoughtful hum included. He shrugs. "Me?"
"You'd do that?"
"Sure. I'm at your service," he says with a little bow. "Tell me what you're most curious about and we'll start from there."
"I want to know… how do I get closer to the hot, local musicians?"
There are mere inches between them. On top of the bar's stuffiness, heat radiates off Steve's body. His warmth and the spicy scent of his cologne hit Eddie like a train. His head spins with hazy sensations.
"How close do you want to get?" he asks, breathless.
"As close as you let me. I mean," Steve tucks a lock behind Eddie's ear, leaning in to whisper, "isn't the rockstar lifestyle all about taking the prettiest groupie to the backroom and making them suck you off?"
Eddie swallows half his tongue. When Steve said he was going to proposition him after the show, Eddie expected flirting followed by a 'let's get out of here, your place or mine?'. He didn't see the offer of semi-public sex coming. It's one of those things he's fantasized about but never had the chance to do. Steve must've done it before, though. Probably dozens of times. Fuck, that's so hot.
"Well, I'm not really a rockstar yet-" he says quickly, matching the pace his brain goes at the image of Steve's lips wrapping around him with the buzz of a crowd just a room over.
Steve sighs fondly. "Eddie..."
"-and this place doesn't exactly have a backroom, so-"
"They have a restroom, don't they?" Steve interrupts.
"Oh, uh, yep. They sure do."
Steve smiles, and then he's gone. Eddie finishes his beer and takes a couple of deep breaths before following.
The Behemoth's restroom is actually two small, single-occupancy rooms. Room number one has its door wide open and is empty. Room number two's door is ajar; when Eddie nudges it, Steve yanks him inside and crowds him against the sink.
"Oh, babe, your awkward ramblings and weird behavior really turn me on," he says with zero inflection as he locks the door.
Eddie frowns. "Don't be rude. I won't teach you anything unless I'm shown my due respect."
"I'm sorry, sir," Steve says, using his 'paramedic voice', and smirks at Eddie sucking a sharp breath between his teeth. It's cheating. He knows what that voice does to Eddie. "Let me prove how much I respect you."
He drops to his knees and unbuckles Eddie's belt with smooth, quick hands, eyes focused on the task. Eddie grips the sink behind him for support.
"Have you done this before? In public, I mean."
"Yeah. Have you?"
"Nope. That's a 'no' on that one, chief."
"Nice. I love being people's first," Steve says, tugging Eddie's jeans and boxers down in one go.
Eddie would shoot back with something clever, if his brain hadn't whited out by Steve unceremoniously taking Eddie's whole cock into his mouth, just like that. The only sound he manages is a squeak that morphs into a moan as Steve slowly deepthroats him.
He should be used to the maddening pace by now – Steve always goes slow at the start – yet here he is, fingers cramping and hips trembling as he stops himself from thrusting. It's just so fucking good, the best he's ever had. Part of it is technique, but an equally huge part is enthusiasm – Steve likes this so much. He loves making Eddie fall apart no matter the place or position. Happy to please and smug about being so good at it. It could be infuriating, if Eddie had enough solid brain cells left to feel anything other than bliss.
The tip of Steve's nose touches his pubes now, his cockhead all the way down in Steve's throat. Steve sighs, his breath tickling, and swallows around Eddie. His eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheeks in the dim light. From this angle, his eyes look bigger, deeper, prettier when he looks up at Eddie. His tongue, pressed flat against the underside of the shaft, sweeps playfully as he pulls back. Like a French kiss on his cock, fuck.
Heat prickles across Eddie's face and neck; his breaths stutter and his jaw hangs slack. Steve puts his large hands on Eddie's thighs and starts bobbing his head, cheeks hollowing. Whimpering, Eddie grabs Steve by the back of his head, just to feel the silky hair. Oh, to be allowed to fuck into that perfect mouth… but he's not. No thrusting unless given explicit permission, and never any pushing. Steve hates being 'trapped' and 'having his airways obstructed'. The way he said it hints at a story, but he hasn't told and Eddie won't ask. Steve will let him know when it's time. As of now, Eddie is simply grateful he gets to know Steve doesn’t want to choke when sucking his cock.
Steps clomp outside the restroom – someone is walking down the corridor. Shit, did they lock the door? Yes. Yes, Steve did. And the first room is unoccupied, so there's no reason for anyone to try entering here. Well, no reason for a rational person, but humans can be surprisingly irrational. Maybe they'll decide they want this restroom, closed door be damned.
Steve bobs faster, hand squeezing the base where his mouth doesn't quite reach. He's relaxed, eyes shut and moaning with contentment. The vibrations of his voice would be enough to have Eddie fighting to last, if he wasn't currently tearing in half.
On the one hand, he has an Adonis kneeling in front of him, eagerly giving him head. On the other hand, someone one thin door away might soon be interrupting said head. Or worse: discover it. He and Steve would be the ones in trouble then, wouldn't they? Even though they're only semi-publicly indecent. Eddie's been arrested and charged once, for a bullshit reason by malevolent cops. The hours in jail were bad, but the aftermath was worse since the bail money put a serious dent in their budget. The point is that Eddie doesn't want a repeat. Shit, what's the penalty for public indecency in Indiana?
"D'you know what's the penalty for public indecency?" he asks. Steve's eyes snap open; his head stills. "Is it jail, is it a fine, or is it jail and a fine?"
Steve pulls off, and, oh, air on spit-damp cock is always an interesting feeling. He frowns at Eddie, wiping drool off his chin.
"Why are you asking me this now?"
Eddie gestures between them. Steve rolls his eyes.
"No, yeah, I know, but why are you asking me this now?"
Outside, the door to the first restroom closes. Crisis averted, then. Steve doesn’t seem to have noticed there was a potential crisis. Best not to tell him – why should both worry about nothing?
Eddie shrugs. "I'm curious. Maybe risk assessment is a kink of mine."
Steve blinks at him. He inhales deeply, his face starting to contort before he hides it in his hands. Shit, did Eddie piss him off? Pretty typical of… wait, no. That's not angry-trembling.
It's laughter.
"Steve," Eddie says, smiling at Steve doubling over with mirth. "Stevie. Darling love."
The peals of laughter continue, echoing in the tiny room. It's adorable, but also audible. They'll definitely be found out like this.
"Steve, my dick's getting cold."
Steve brays out the next one. He slaps a hand over his mouth and thumps his head against Eddie's bare thigh. Happy snorts spill past his fingers, his body convulsing.
"Maybe we should continue this later," Eddie says.
"No!" Steve shoots upright, holding out his hands. "Just gimme a minute…"
Giggling, he wipes tears from his eyes. Gradually, his breathing evens out. He nods.
"Okay, I'm good," he says and grabs Eddie's softening cock, lapping up the drying precome with a swirl of his tongue.
Eddie groans, slumping against the sink. "Dude, unfair. How can you go from sounding like a donkey to this in seconds?"
"Don't complain," Steve says, pinching Eddie's leg.
"I'm no- oooooh!"
Eddie shouts. He's back to full mast, because Steve just took one of his testes in mouth and is sucking on it like it's a jawbreaker. Screw the penalty – this is worth a life sentence.
Letting go with a wet pop, Steve returns his attention to Eddie’s cock. Ember eyes pin Eddie in place as Steve sucks on the cockhead, tongue playing with the slit, pushing and pulling at the foreskin, caressing the vein on the underside. His hand cups Eddie's balls, gently rolling them between calloused fingers. Eddie's knees are buckling, the sink his only support, and he throws his head back, mewling and panting. Steve rubs a knuckle against Eddie's taint, and that's it – he comes with a whine, spilling onto Steve's tongue. He swallows, of course. Holy fucking Christ, Eddie loves him.
As he recovers, Steve tucks him in and zips him up. Steve is still hard, but he makes no indication he'll deal with it yet. Eddie has a feeling they'll sneak out and take care of him at Eddie's place.
"Fun, wasn't it?" Steve asks, standing up and wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist.
"Yeah." Eddie rests against his solid frame. "M'sorry."
"For what?"
"I'm sorry you have to put up with me."
Grinning, Eddie tilts his head up, lips puckered. Steve kisses him, smiling into it.
"I don't have to put up with anything."
#it's not the best but it's all right isn't it#funnyesque#sweetish#steddie#steddie fanfic#eddie munson#steve harrington#stranger things#my writing
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2!
Hounds of Love by The Futureheads. Oh! What a gem!! I first loved this song when I was a wee bab and rediscovered it this past summer. It, along with all my top songs, was on a summer driving playlist which is why it is so insanely high haha. There's a sort of lovely pastoral wildness to this and I think that suits our lads so well.
An outdoorsy AU with competence kink out the wazoo, where Dream is a bird specialist at a wildlife rehabilitative centre, who becomes a minor TikTok celebrity (much to his enormous apathy) when the centre starts doing interpretive meet-birds events and the internet falls in love with this dour hottie who only smiles when he's talking about birds (Matthew, naturally, runs the account). Hob is a hunter - bow, mostly - who is regrettably very on TikTok, very on all social media - he hates the term but he is unquestionably an 'influencer'. He just likes sharing his knowledge and passion, alright? And the gear sponsorships are nice.
He sees Dream, and sees, mostly, a really great collab opportunity, so he messages him, and Dream (who is Matthew, and just shouted HOB FUCKING GADLING? IN MY DMs? at his phone when he got the message, immediately sets up a meeting at the centre. Then he breaks the news to Dream, specifically when Dream is holding Jessamy, so he can't be murdered.)
Dream, of course, expects Hob to be some like, swaggering font of red-blooded machismo talking points, and suspects Hob is only popular because he looks like an advertisement in Outdoor Living. (Matthew showed him pictures.) He disregards Matthew, who says Hob is actually super cool, because Matthew has terrible taste and would be the first to admit it. But his interest is piqued when Lucienne also knows who Hob is. It turns out Hob is deeply involved in nature and wildlife conservancy. Gives talks at schools. Gets involved with land protection initiatives. Teaches orienteering to youth. But everyone seems to expect him to hate Hob, which he would find faintly insulting except that he also expects himself to hate Hob. He doesn't. Not that much. Even when he shows up in a plaid shirt that is made of 'technical' fabric, because he's smart and excited to talk to Dream about birds, has an encyclopedic knowledge of the history of falconry, and most importantly, Jessamy takes to him immediately.
They run into each other again at a renaissance fair, another thing Dream hates but has been strong-armed into doing, and so they are both dressed in very silly clothes when it happens: the first time Hob watches Dream demonstrate falconry, the first time Dream watches Hob use a longbow made from a yew tree he fell himself, the first time they go from a wary sort of respect for one another to a wanting.
Dream, who has a recurring fantasy about running away from it all, listens to Hob tell tracking stories and thinks, If I went into the woods, you would find me. But he doesn't want to run from Hob - except sometimes, when he sees Hob chew on his lip consideringly before giving a thoughtful answer about the guiding industry, or when Hob grins wildly at the crowd after his archery demonstration, and most of all, when Hob phones him out of the blue one day - he doesn't text, he phones - sounding a little breathless with excitement, and asks Dream if he wants to come with him for a week in the mountains, on "probably a wild goose chase" and promises "all sorts of birds if nothing else." (Hob had meant to only share the news with Dream. Fuck, he thinks. I am so fucked.)
He says yes, for the birds, of course, and tells Matthew the next time he's at the centre.
"So what's the wild goose chase?" asks Matthew.
Dream plumbs his memory of the phone call and says, "Hob told me he received a bighorn sheep tag." Matthew gapes at him.
"Holy shit," says Matthew. "He's in love with you."
"He is certainly not."
"Uh, no, respectfully boss, he 'certainly' is. Lucienne!" he shouts, "Hob invited Dream to come out on his Dall sheep tag. What the fuck, right?"
Lucienne comes in and raises her eyebrows. "Oh dear," she says. She's smiling.
"What," says Dream. "It's a sheep. I don't understand."
Lucienne and Matthew exchange a glance.
"Him. I cannot believe Hob chose him," says Matthew.
"Love works in mysterious ways," says Lucienne.
"I am right here," says Dream.
Matthew turns to him, "Have fun in Alberta," he says.
this would ft. nights of wild stars, rugged terrain, type ii fun, sexual tension around a campfire, homoerotic form checks, tent sharing, dream glassing beautiful birds with hob's $3000 binoculars while hob stares at him in abject adoration, dream watching hob strip off his clothes and jump into an alpine lake, and refusing to join him out of pretended prudishness when it's really because he's suddenly so hard it hurts, camp coffee, confessions about themselves instead of confessions about their feelings for each other, sore muscles for a VARIETY of reasons, and lots of allegories about wildness and taming and running away from things, and SO MUCH COMPETENCE KINK, friends. so much. i would probably write it like - act one them leading their separate lives, their desires and aches etc., act two - meetcute and circling one another, act three - The Trip. this one has a very happy ending i can tell
#the sandman#dreamling#'this one won't be more than a few paragraphs' i say#stopping myself NOW ha ha#another AU I Would Write for suuuure#luring you in with the promise brokeback mountain style pastoral yearning#then leaping onto my soapbox and waxing poetic abt our relationship with meat and nature and nonhuman life#about hunting trips and multiday outdoor trips in general as a way of enriching relationships with others#about connecting in profound ways that feel only accessible in a place where humans are exceptions and not the rule#where our endemically lonely society and all the guardedness is stripped away before the beauty and the ache of the suck#wild spaces making room for wild emotions#for humanity#in a way cities and towns do not#ANYWAYS#shout out to the person reading this who understands the significance of a bighorn sheep tag as a feelings confession lol#(hucks this post onto my teetering want-to-make-this-a-WIP pile)#spotify wrapped prompt#my writing
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This is gonna be a wild ride. (Mean Girls + Heathers skit)
Inspired by something I saw on Tiktok
~~~~
Janis: Isn't the party tomorrow?
Cady: Apparently, it's a week long party.
Janis: Oh.
Gretchen: That explains why the guests are arriving now and well...every other day ago.
Karen: What's everyone supposed to do then?
Aaron: Not sure.
Damian: Yeah, Jan, can you greet some of them?
Janis: Yeah I guess.
(At the door)
Janis: Hey Kurt Kelly, you can put your stuff over there.
Kurt: Woo, didn't expect to be greeted by a hottie like you.
Janis: Dude, I'm gay-
Janis: REGINA DID YOU JUST PUNCH HIM-
~~~~
Janis: Ram Sweeney, over there.
Ram: You look tense sweetheart.
Ram: Need a hug~
Janis: Oh no I don't-
Janis: REGINA STOP PUNCHING PEOPLE-
(Later)
Janis: Alright then, Heather Chandler. You can put your stuff over there.
Janis: ...And...who are you? And why do we look alike?
Veronica: Uh- Huh, we do look alike... Anyway...
Veronica: I'm her friend, Veronica Sawyer.
Janis:
Janis: Interesting.
Veronica: I have a bad feeling about this.
~~~~~
Janis: Ah you're from Ohio...
Veronica: Oh fuck off. Anyway, the party is tomorrow?
Janis: It appears so.
Janis: So that blonde demon you were with..?
Veronica: Oh you mean Heather? Yeah, she kinda just dragged me into this. I didn't want to go.
Janis: Relatable
Janis: And you have a thing for her, right?
Veronica: HUH- She's my friend...
Janis: *wheezes*
Janis: Oh wait, you were serious?
(Later)
Veronica: Oh, hi Heather.
Janis: *whispers* Wait, watch this.
Veronica: Wait, what? No-
Janis: Hey, Heather, you'll be happy to know that you're little friend over here just got asked to the party by that boy Kevin G.
Veronica: *whisper shouts* No I wasn't.
Janis: Shhh.
Janis: See, look how upset she is as she storms away!
Veronica: Why are you saying that like it's a good thing?
Janis: Oh, I have so much to teach you.
Regina: Janis, who's this?
Regina: And why does she look a lot like you?
Janis: Oh Regina. This is my new friend, Veronica Sawyer.
Veronica: *awkwardly* Hi...
Janis: Anyway, Reggie, you gonna ask anyone to the party.
Regina: Uh-
Regina: No one.
Janis: No one?
Janis: Uh- well I just got asked. And I said yes-
Janis: Asked by- Heather Chandler-
Janis: Yeah.
Janis: Oh you look mad-
Janis, walking away: *to herself* Yeah that was a bad choice...
Veronica: Does she always lack that much self awareness?
Cady: Yeah.
Veronica: AH- Oh it's just another human being.
Cady:
Cady: What.
Veronica: Anyway, don't worry Regina. I'm sure Heather treats her dates well.
Veronica: Judging by the rage in your eyes, I made things worse.
~~~~
Janis: Yoooo Heather Chandler, right? I take it you're enjoying the shit in this party.
Janis: Anyway, so I'm gonna you to pretend to be my date to the party to make Regina jealous.
Heather: What? No-
Janis: Oh, I wasn't asking you, I was telling you.
Heather: I-
Heather: *realizes it could possibly help her situation with Veronica*
Heather: Fine.
Janis: Nice.
Veronica: How did you do that?
Janis: I don't know, but it doesn't matter.
Veronica: Your friends must have a hard time dealing with you.
Janis: Don't take Damian and Cady's side-
(Later)
Veronica: Hi, Regina?
Veronica: Sorry to interrupt you throwing darts at a picture of...Heather...
Veronica: I was just wondering, if you didn't want Janis to go to the party with Heather, why didn't you just ask her yourself?
Regina: *throws dart at Veronica*
Veronica: *dodges* Okay, so you two clearly don't do well with logic.
~~~~~
Janis: Heather, this is a disaster.
Janis: Especially since the party is tomorrow and we both know you'd rather go with Veronica and I'd rather go with Regina.
Heather: What- I don't wanna-
Janis: Oh, don't try to lie. This isn't my first rodeo.
Heather: ...Okay yeah, I wanna go with Veronica.
Janis: See? Was that so hard to admit?
~~~~
Veronica: Okay, Regina, is there anything you'd like to say to Janis?
Regina: Uh-
Regina:
Regina: Get me punch.
Veronica:
Janis: Bitch- okay fine. *leaves*
Veronica: Dude why?
Veronica: You could've just- you had the chance to- ugh.
Veronica: Heather, these people are insane.
Heather: Yeah, I can see that.
Veronica: Geez, this is why you should never fall for someone you're friends with that you used to hate.
Veronica: Especially when they're THAT oblivious!
Heather: ...
Veronica: Why are you looking at me like that?
(The next day)
Janis: This is the last party I'm ever going too.
Janis: Would you get in here?
Veronica: I feel ridiculous.
Janis: The fuck you mean? You look awesome.
Janis: Oh, and there's your date. Kevin, get over here!
Veronica: Is he reading a calculus book?
Janis: Oh, I forgot to mention that most of the things he talks about is math.
Janis: Anyway- have fun!
Veronica: Oh that bitch.
~~~~
Janis: Yo Heather, you clean up nice.
Heather: Obviously.
Janis: Well aren't you cocky.
(Meanwhile)
Veronica: Hi Regina, are you ok?
Regina: Yeah, why?
Veronica: Cause you're very angrily staring at Heather and Janis.
Veronica: And you just poked a hole through your paper cup.
Veronica: The punch is dripping on the carpet.
~~~~
Janis: Hey Heather- you have something in you hair-
Janis: Oh shit, my bracelet is stuck.
Janis: Maybe if I turn this way...
Veronica: Oh, are they about to k- AH!
Janis: AH!
Janis: Oh shit, Regina just pushed her to the table.
Veronica: OUR BLONDES ARE GONNA KILL EACH OTHER!
Janis: Entertainment.
Veronica: What- Why do you have that look on your face?
Janis: Oh, I'm not wearing a bracelet.
Veronica: Oh you sick son of a bitch.
Janis: Alright Regina! Get her with your left hook!
Veronica: WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS?!
Janis: Oh, cause it's fun.
Veronica: It's my fault for asking...
Veronica: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT YOU TWO BREAK IT UP!
Veronica: Shit, Heather, are you okay?
Heather: I mean, my face is swollen so no.
Veronica: Yeah, let me see. Does it hurt that bad?
Heather: It stings, yeah.
Veronica: Okay, don't worry, we can put an ice pack on that and you'll be fine.
Janis, watching them: My work here is done.
Janis:
Janis: Oh hey Reggie- you got a little bruise over there- Oh you look angry.
Regina: Heh, come here. *starts chasing Janis*
Janis: Regina don't be rash- *runs away*
Veronica: There goes the two most dysfunctional people I've ever met.
Veronica: Heather, why are you laughing?
Veronica: Wait...Were you in on that?
Heather: Pfft- Yeah.
Veronica: *smacks Heather at the back of her haad* You big idiot! I was so worried about you!
Veronica: I mean not you- I was worried because um-
Heather: Pfft-
Veronica: Shut up.
(The next day)
Veronica: Yeah, so we're heading out.
Janis: Really? Well, have a safe trip back. It was nice meeting you.
Veronica: Yeah...you know what, here's my phone number.
Veronica: If you ever wanna talk about anything, just give me a call.
Janis: Aww that's sweet. But I already got it from Heather yesterday. I already left six messages.
Veronica: Of course you did.
Veronica: Well, good luck with Regina.
Janis: Oh thanks, good luck with Heather.
Veronica: Oh thanks, but Heather and I really are just friends. Anyway, bye!
Janis: Whatever you say Ronnie. Have fun with that. Bye!
Janis: I miss being that stupid.
Damian:
Cady:
Gretchen:
Karen:
Aaron:
Damian: You're still-
Janis: I meant THAT level of stupid, Damian.
~~~~
That was wild. I don't know what this was lol.
#veronica sawyer#heathers the musical#heathers the movie#heather chandler#chansaw#mean girls the musical#rejanis#regina george#janis sarkisian#cady heron#aaron samuels#karen smith#gretchen wieners#damian hubbard#mean girls kevin
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“ITS HOT IN HERE”
⇢ husband!oikawa toru, bokuto kotaro, kuroo tetsuro, kita shinsuke, terushima yuji, daichi sawamura
inspired by: this tiktok
⚠️ suggestive
ʚɞ OIKAWA Toru | looks up at you as you walk into the room fanning yourself. “hey beautiful.” You ignore him, “toru, it’s so hot in here.” he lets his body feel the temperature but before he could respond, your shirt is halfway over your head. finally free of your shirt, you notice his shocked stares. “you should take off yours too, babe, don’t want you to get a heat stroke.” oikawa stands up, one hand lifting his shirt over his head, the other pulling you in by the waist. “thanks for being so considerate, princess. how about we make this room just a bit hotter?”
ʚɞ BOKUTO Kotaro | honestly, bokuto is a walking human furnace. he is such a ray of sunlight, he literally makes anyone around him sweat. as you sit next to him, you couldn’t help but squirm away from his touch to cool down your body. but the more you squirm, the tighter he wraps his arms around you. “what’s wrong?” he pouts, looking down at you. poor baby. all he ever wants is to hold you in his arms. “ko, it’s so hot in here.” he pouts and walks over to the window, opening it wider. bokuto is rooted in place when he sees you nearly naked on the sofa. with one swift motion, his own t-shirt disappeared from his body. returning to the sofa, he once again resumes the original postion. “is this better?” “yup!” bokuto hums happily as he pulls you closer to his chest. like I said, all this man wants to do is hold you as close to him as possible as you guys mindlessly waste the afternoon away watching whatever was on the screen.
ʚɞ KUROO Tetsuro | sighs, terribly bored out his mind. “y/n!” “what!” “come play with me!” you run into the living room and sees your husband sitting leg spread on the soft couch. “what should we do? I’m so bored.” “wanna go swimming?” kuroo looks out the window, “right now?” “yeah, it’s so hot in here.” without waiting for a response, you strip down to your bikini, already hidden underneath. “princess, you’ve basically decided without me.” you giggle as you run to the backyard. “hurry!” kuroo chuckles to himself before following you. “you know what? since you said it’s so hot today. why don’t we try skinny dipping? that’s a cooler idea.”
ʚɞ KITA Shinsuke | you hear Kita come through the door. “honey?” “I’m here.” he walks in and plops down next to you. “how was your day, baby?” “before I dive into the detail, it’s hot in here yeah?” kita looks around, squinting to check the thermostat and when he turns around, you’re already stripped down to your undergarments. kita stands up and holds out a hand invitingly. “I know how you can cool down.” you look up at his questionably, “how?” “join me in the shower. I’ll make sure to run the water extra cold, just for you.” “won’t you be cold then?” “I think we’ve can find another way to warm ourselves up in there.”
ʚɞ TERUSHIMA Yuji | licks his lips when you walk into the living room, hips swaying with each step. “hi hottie.” “yuji, why is it so hot in here?” terushima looks at you confused. You’re already in a tank top and some shorts and you’re still hot? “it must be because I'm here,” he jokes, sending a wink your way. You roll your eyes and remove your tank top. “woahh baby!” your husband exclaims, leaning back against the sofa as if enjoying a show. you look down at him as he pats his lap. “come here, princess. you’re about to feel a whole lot warmer.”
ʚɞ DAICHI Sawamura | was folding the laundry when you leaned against the frame of the door. “hi,” he sneaks a glance at you, smiling as he continued to carefully put away the t-shirts. “It’s hot in here.” Daichi reaches for the AC remote and turns down the temperature. “it’ll be cooler soon.” his eyes widens at the sight of you out of your shirt and pants. he nervously glances at the door and immediately runs over to close it. “darling! what if my parents saw you. you really want your in-laws to see you in your bra and underwear?” “oops.” his expression darkens at the sight of you in front. In one swift motion, daichi was towering over you. “what about laundry?” “laundry can wait.”
reblogs are wildly appreciated <3
main masterlist | haikyū masterlist
#—edited&approved#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu hcs#haikyuu fluff#oikawa x reader#bokuto x reader#kuroo x reader#kita x reader#terushima x reader#daichi x reader#haikyuu imagines
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ROUND 2, MATCH 32
Propaganda under the cut!
The Red Prince
Propaganda
When you first meet him he sizes you up as a potential slave by checking your teeth and asking after your culinary skills. If you recruit him, his storyline is about hooking up with another lady of his race so that she can birth true dragons again. You can still romance him in spite of his prophesied babymaking. No matter what choices you make though, at the end of the game he point blank tells you that his divinely chosen baby mama is still the One For Him, but you're welcome to return with him to his home country as his sex slave. He's terrible.
Cullen Rutherford
Propaganda
stupid racist cop creep whose fans cry about how hes "changed" and "you can't judge him he was addicted to magic drugs" nah he still chose to be a racist cop and abuse his power over innocent people and i hate him. the writers making him romanceable in da:i after how blatantly horrible he was in da:o and da:2 is baffling but i guess they had to appeal to the part of their audience who watch those "mafia boyfriend" videos on tiktok or whatever
He's creepy in origins, though still 100% willing to kill the female mage pc he's crushing on, as well as all the other mages trapped in the circle with him. He's the second-in-command in an even worse circle in 2, listening to and defending the increasingly obviously insane meredith until literally the end. He's one of the people still pushing for the circle system by inquisition, and yes he's going through withdrawals and working through the traumas of previous games. And to be brutally honest his was the first romance i took and while i don't remember much from it, its not worth all the girls going absolutely nuts over knockoff terrible alistair.
He's basically a cop who thinks being born a certain way can revoke personhood and by Inquisition still thinks mages are monsters to be controlled, not people. He gets a fairy tale cutesy romance that focuses on his personal struggles with addiction while showing absolutely no regard to the atrocities he committed and still thinks were justified. He can be romanced BY A MAGE and his actions and beliefs are just glossed over. He believes mages are 'not people like you (Hawke) and me', but if the Warden was a female mage he canonically had a crush on her and would deliberately hang around her despite the fact that he was her *jailer*. If that Warden romanced Leliana, there is war table dialogue in which he pesters Leliana for news of his 'former' crush despite her repeated statement that she doesn't want to talk to him about her. All this shitty behavior and lack of introspection gets swept under the rug by the game, not even giving the PC the chance to really challenge his beliefs. Like damn even Fenris could apologize when he lashed out due to past trauma with mages, and if anyone has a reason to hate mages it's Fenris. If you want an ex Templar hottie Alistair is RIGHT THERE. Tbh I know Cullen is a popular romance and I'm not here to tell anyone what they can or can't do or like in a video game, I'm just saying I think he is deeply undateable
Spends the first two games as an antagonist, fervently devoted to the cause of subjugating mages, then a bunch of "character development" happens off screen and the games treat him like he's completely reformed. However he's actions make it clear he still sees mages as dangerous and lesser. Not to mention if you romance him with an elf he doesn't pay your culture more than lip service respect like most of the devout characters
He was a total villain in the first two games who was violently prejudiced against mages and uses one single bad experience as an excuse for it (a bad experience that is pretty much exactly what he in his job subjected graduating apprentices to, mind you, but this is never brought up). Now he says he's changed, but his words and actions say otherwise. He still distrusts mages, sympathises with the rebel Templars trying to kill them, and he never owns up to the terrible stuff he did and helped others do in the past two games. He totally knew what Meredith was doing and says he doesn't, and he still tries to defend her intentions. And you have no option to call him out on it. If you romance him as a mage, he angsts about how he might have seen you as subhuman in the past but NOW you're one of the good ones, and when you ask him if he'll kill you if you get possessed, he dodges the question. And the PC is written as being almost sad that she's a mage? Like 'can you love me despite what I am??' Also if Leliana romanced a female mage PC in the first game who is still alive, he asks her creepy questions about their relationship. Fitting considering his original purpose was to be creepy to the female mage Warden.
I hate him and want to cause chaos. Plus his VA is an asshole.
Cop
I think you covered almost everything but don't forget that beautiful moment in DA2 - Act 2 where you find out some templars had a petition to lobotomize all mages and Meredith, THE HARDCORE TEMPLAR LEADER, rejects it, but Cullen says they got a point. Despite the fact that we just found out that those templars were using lobotomy (or the threat of) to rape people and get away with it. And then Cullen in DA:I is whining that anything that happened it's not his fault because Meredith kept the worse away form him so he didn't know, but also that anyway Meredith had a point and did what she had to do. Meredith does not go mad until Act 3, before she was of sound mind and Culllen was her second in command BECAUSE he hated mages as much as (or even more) than her. What the FUCK did she even hide from you, Cullen. Oh, but he changed! Because the writers make A VICTIM OF THE TEMPLARS say so. And anyway he only says so BECAUSE HE READS MINDS not because Cullen did anything to show it. Also the narrative wants to sympathise with Cullen for his drug problems while Cullen is openly attacking the only other character with the same problem for...having the same problem. And he's the antagonist, so there were OTHER things Cullen could be mad about. But he is mad about the drug problem. Also I'm not an expert on writing characters with addictions but he is an addict only when it's time to have a cut scene where you pity him. Otherwise it has zero impacts on everything else.
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mlb if there was tiktok would basically be:
*MY AU OBVI*
the usernames
@ chatnoirfanpage- chat
@ ladybugoffical- lb
@ adrienagreste- adriens main acc
@ dj.nino- ninos main acc
@ theladyblog- lasyblog acx
@ alyalb- alya main acc
@ maridc- mari main account
@ lbmarryme- adrien secret
@ childishgamnino- nino secret acc- guys i’m really proud of that one
@ lbmarryme2- alya secret
@ maribread- marinette
there’s more but pretty self explanatory
this is post reveal pre relationship
*edit of chat being hot*
1.4 mil likes
102k comments
@ chatnoirfanpage : omg wow he’s so hot @ ladybugoffical you should definitely see this and marry him and have his kids
|—- @ ladybugoffical : omg chat get off your phone your late for patrol
@ maridc: GAWD DAYUM
|— @ maridc: shit wrong acc
|— @ maribae129: SHE HAS ANOTHER ONE
@ maribread: GAWDDDD DAYYUMM
|- @ marrymelb: offer still stands
|- @ maribread: who are you🤨
|- @ marrymelb: ur future bf ;)
|- @ marrymelb2: GUYS NOT IN A PUBLIC COMMENT SECTION😭😭
*adrien posts a thirst trap*
1.2 mil likes
204k comments
@ maridc: hi agresty zesty😉😉😉😉
|_@ adrienagreste: hi marbar 😏😏😏😏
|-@ adrienettelover: PROOF
@ childishgamnino: hot sexy hmu bbg😍
|- @ marrymelb: made it just for u bbg 😘
@ alyalb: cringe
|- @ adrienagreste: i do not like you.
@ maribread : BAIDKFOAMWIDOCMG
|-@ maribread: sorry my keys slipped
|-@ maribread: HANDS DIPPED
|-@ maribread: FUCK HANDS SLIPPED
|—- @ lbmarryme2: girl…
|—-@ childishgamnino: girl…
|- @ lbmarryme: dipped to where😏😏😏
|- @ lbmarryme2: dawg…
|- @ childishgamnino: dawg…
*mari posts a thirst trap*
883k likes
102k comments
@ adrienagreste: oh
|- @ adrienagreste: im
|- @lbmarryme: wait
|- @ lbmarryme: holy
|- @childishgamnino: DAWG HAD TO GRAB A WHOLE NEW ACCOUNT😭😭
@ chatnoirfanpage: hi marinette dupain cheng im a superhero
|- @ adrienagreste: hi marinette dupain cheng IM a famous model
|- @ chatnoirfanpage: shut up ur ugly and ur hair is fake
|- @ alyalb: BAHA
@ lukacouffine: you look pretty marinette!!
|- @ chatnoirfanpage: shut up blueberry
|- @ adrienagreste: #ihatelukacouffine
|- @lbmarryme: shut up i bring a guitar to a party, sound pretty farty, your hair is fake blue, looks like poo, fake earring in one ear, puke whenever i’m near
|- @ childishgamnino: DUDE WAS SO MAD HE STARTED RHYMING 😭😭
|- @ marrymelb2: SUNNY WAS DROPPING BARS 🔥🔥
|- @ lukacouffine: 1) I HAVE A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND 2)AT LEAST I SAID SOMETHING PUSSY 3) chat noir ur fr a bitch🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
|-@ chatnoirfanpage: who’s chat noir 🤨🤨
@ alyalb: HOTTIE WOW THATS MY BEST FRIEND
@ alyalb: @dj.nino im leaving u for mari❤️
|- @ dj.nino: not if i leave first babe❤️❤️
|- @ alyalb: u love me too much to leave me ❤️
|- @ dj.nino: ugh u caught me 👐
|- @ adrienagreste: @ maridc how do they make everything into flirting
|- @ maridc: couldnt tell ya!
quick little switch to twitter
#ihatelukacouffine is trending on twitter
@ adrienagreste: guys i don’t hate @lukacouffine and yes my father did make me say this and yes me and luka are now married
|- @lukacouffine: it’s ok babe 😘
|- @ adrienagreste: thanks blue blue bear 💙💙
|- @ dj.nino: did i just become the other women?????
|- @ alyalb: @ maridc @ kagamifence HELLO???
|- @ kagamifence: I do not comprehend nor understand this joke of “bromance”. Luka is still my boyfriend, yes?
|- @ lukacouffine: yes my muse
@ maridc: adrien babe what is this
|— @ adrienagreste: public statement bug🫡
|—- @ lukacouffine: u hate me cause u ain’t me 🤘
|- @ maridc: LUKA BAHAHA
ok back to tik tok
*lila posts a sad attempt of a thirst trap but it doesn’t work bc she’s ugly and she tags adrien*
204k likes
102k comments
@ marrymelb: no chance adrien wanted to be tagged
|—- @ xoxolilarossi: your literally a private acc with 8 followers. you’re just jealous of me and adriens relationship
|— @ marrymelb2: BHAHAH IM PISSING MYSELF
|- @ marrymelb: nah wtf is this shit
@ alyalb: love thé confidence girly!!
|- @ marrymelb: confidence nah that’s crazy😭
|- @ xoxolilarossi: thanks als💕💕🥹🥹 you know ever since i got both my eyes removed and plugged back in i’ve been so insecure about my face
|—@ tomfoolery: why did u get ur eyes out
|- @ lbmarryme2: if i looked like u i would be insecure too babe
🐞🐈🦊🐢
sunny: ALYA
als: BAHHA
sunny: SHE FUCKING BLOCKED ME
als: NO WAY
jay z: wait what happened?? i was in the studio
sunny: look at l***a’s post
jay z: EW
als: WE ARE SO MEAN I LOVE IT
sunny: we aren’t mean we are just mean to l***a!! 😁
sunny: can mari respond
sunny: my lady
sunny: tikki spots on
als: did u think that would summon her💀
sunny: …
sunny: no
jay z: he def did
bugapoo: hi wtf did l***a post
sunny: her ugly ass
als: ADRIEN AGRESTE
bugapoo: HOW DID U GET BLOCKED
sunny: *ss of the comments from his priv acc*
bugapoo: NAHHN😭😭
sunny: mari come over
bugapoo: ok
jay z: no booty calls in the group chat❌❌
sunny: NO I MEAN COME OVER TO MAKE A TIKTOK OF US BEING TOGETHER TO MAKE HER LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS
als: adrien shut up that’s so funny
sunny: I KNOW
jay z: marinette can u send hw answers btw
jay z: mari
jay z: I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY LB EXCUSES EITHER THERE WAS NOTHING THIS WEEK
jay z: marriiii PLS HELP A BROTHA OUT
sunny: i left it at home
als: adrien what??
sunny: *photo of mari and adrien in his room, both sporting goofy lovesick burns and thumbs up*
jay z: 😭😭
als: BAHAH
#funny stuff#mlb fandom#miraculous adrinette#miraculous au#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#marinette dupen chang#lila salt#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#luka couffaine#tiktok
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“💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼”
papa.wass via Tiktok
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Sliding in the DMs Part VIII
WARNING: 18+ CONTENT AHEAD
(also there is likely a few typos and mistakes. I'll go through and clean up on a later date.)
Joey was on the phone talking with Nick about recovery for an upcoming game when his phone pinged. “Yeah I mean I��d try that…” He trailed off as he saw the notification that Arty had just posted on her Instagram stories.
“Yeah I’m thinking of maybe trying water-based workouts in the off season. We could hit up Mike when we’re back in Fort Lauderdale and -” “Are you fucking kidding me?” Joey suddenly snaps.
Nick pauses for a few moments and said, “Dude it’s just water workout. What’s the fucking problem?”
“No - not that. Fucking Arty with her fucking shit..” Joey bitched.
“The girl you’re dating with the hot sister?” Nick asked.
“Yes - wait - how do you know she has a sister?” Joey asked.
“Not gonna lie - I looked her up when you mentioned Arty’s real name. Wasn’t hard to find since you followed her. Then, I found a pic of her sister tagged in it and did a follow request. She’s a real hotty.” Nick drew out.
“That’s a conversation for another time. Why the fuck is she out with this dude? She must really want me to fucking show up there because I told her I’m not playing these fucking games.” Joey rages.
She shared an additional video in her stories of a tiktok with the sound "Ladies unless he asks you to be his girlfriend you're single."
“Did she tag the location?” Nick asked, suddenly more animated again in the conversation. “I’d show up if I were you.”
“No she fucking didn’t. I’m texting her now.” Joey said.
After a string of angry texts he sent her, he told Nick he’d call him back and quickly tried her cellphone. After the third ring, he got her voicemail. He hung up and tried again two more times. By the fourth try he decided to leave her a message. “Artemis Thermopoli - you think this is fucking funny? Do you really want to play games? I fucking warned you not to go with that fucking guy tonight and you did anyways. Drop the fucking address because I swear to god that I’ll call every goddamn restaurant in the LA radius that’s open this late until you fucking answer me back. I told you I’m not fucking playing this game with you - you’re my goddamn girl.”
He hung up and flung his phone on the couch, panting heavily as he suddenly got up and paced the floor. The nearby decorative vase his mom picked out was sticking out to him in a way that somehow managed to enrage him further. He picked it up and chucked it across the room, watching it shatter into pieces on the floor. He paced some more before dropping back down onto the couch, this time face first and cussing into the throw pillow beneath him.
Just as he was about to make good on his word about calling every restaurant open at 10:30pm in the LA area, his phone pinged again. He quickly snatched it off the coffee table and opened the Instagram app again.
Arty was sharing to her stories again. This time, a picture of a dinner plate with the caption, “Pi on Sunset is one of the best mediterranean restaurants in West Hollywood 🥙.”
Joey felt a mix of anger burst in him and then excitement. He was for sure crashing this date. Without a fucking doubt. Opening his contact to her in imessage, he saw that she had read his texts 5 minutes ago, choosing to leave him on ‘read’. He’d get her back for that too.
Snatching his keys off his kitchen table, he ran out the door, stopping for just a moment to lock his door and text a quick “omw” to her before getting in his car and taking off down the street.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So… what do you do other than work in finance? Any hobbies?” Arty asked with fake interest.
The man sitting across from her, Jared, was ok… he seemed like a decent guy overall. He had a good paying job, was well-educated, polite and not inappropriate, conventionally attractive… he just wasn’t Joey. And that bothered Arty that since meeting Joey Bosa, there had been no other man that compared to him and how insane her attraction was to him.
Prior to seeing Joey, she didn’t ever consider the athlete type. Her ex-boyfriend from a few years ago was a skinny guy who did graphic design part-time and worked at Starbucks. And prior to that she dated a guy that worked as a nurse who was also of average build.
Joey had an impressive physique, an addictive personality, and Arty had never experienced such an attraction to anyone else before that she was experiencing with him.
Just as Jared was listing off his hobbies (golfing being one of them - no surprise there), Arty felt her phone vibrate on her lap. She discreetly peaked down at her screen and saw a text from Joey saying, “omw” and suddenly, with the burst of excitement and elation at the idea of him coming there for her, she stared back at an oblivious Jared with all the attention in the world.
She just hoped the LAPD didn’t arrest Joey who was likely speeding to get there from his place.
“You know, Jared, it’s been a great night getting to know you, but I know we’re both expecting an early morning tomorrow. I’ll flag the waitress down for our bill.” She said sweetly, painting a kind smile, hoping he’d say ok so she could just wait for Joey outside.
Jared, oblivious to her internal turmoil, waved his hand dismissively. “No, that’s fine Artemis. I’m going to order us dessert before we go.”
Arty’s smile slipped slightly and her brow twitched in annoyance. She didn’t need his permission to do so, she was telling him she wanted to get the bill and end the date. “Well, I think -”
Just then the waitress walked up to them, “Will you two be ordering anything else?”
“No, we’re go-” “Yes, please” Jared interrupted her.
Arty shot him an incredulous glare that he’d do so, but he wasn’t even looking at her as he picked up the tiny dessert menu next to him and was perusing the menu. “That’s not needed.” Arty said kindly, “I don’t want any.”
Again, Jared ignored her and told the waitress, “Two slices of the New York style cheesecake, please.”
The waitress looked at Arty curiously for a minute, who was too busy staring irately at her date to notice the confirmation.
Jared nodded at the waitress who thanked them and walked off to get their order. “You seem like a cheesecake girl.”
“Oh?” Arty asked flatly, no longer pretending to give a fuck about the date after he rudely interrupted her and ignored her. “I’m more of a cannoli or baklava girl actually.”
“I don’t know what the second one is.” Jared said, “Is it Indian or something?”
Arty stared for a moment - caught off guard by his remark. This guy after all told her he loved Greek food, but yet didn’t know the most popular dessert dish in not only Greece, but the Mediterranean. “No, it’s Greco-Turkish food. Super popular in the Mediterranean.”
“Never heard of it.” He took a sip of his wine. “So, I was thinking we could do this again sometime if you’d like.”
“Well, honestly -”
“She can’t because she’s already got a boyfriend, buddy!” Joey called as stomped around the corner, a nervous waiter following after him, trying to get him to stop.
“Joey!” Arty perked up.
“Joey?” Jared stared in confusion at her before looking at the hulking figure of the 6’5” outside linebacker stomping their way. “What - I mean.. Wait - Joey Bosa?” He pointed at Joey.
“Joey I’m on a date!”
"It's over. Tell your boy you're in a relationship." He demanded
“Sir - I am going to have to ask you to leave before I call the police. We are not only getting ready to close, but you also have no reservation here.” The waiter buts in, reaching his hand out to stop Joey from approaching any further.
“I’m here for my girlfriend and then I’ll be out of your fucking restaurant.” He said rudely. “Arty, I told you that I’d be on my way. Let’s fucking go.”
Arty smiled at him and said, “Girlfriend? I don’t see a girlfriend here. I think you’ve mistaken me with someone else Joey.” She was very coy about it, hoping he’d take the bait.
“Artemis Thermopoli. We will do this one of two ways: we walk out hand in hand or I carry your ass over my shoulder and out the door. You decide and do it quick. I’m over this shit.” He snapped.
Arty pretended to think for a moment before turning to Jared and saying, “Sorry, Jared. But I think for your sake and that poor waiter’s sake,” Who of which was heading to the front desk to call the police while a nearby hostess was watching their scene unfold with rapt attention, “I’ll be heading out with my good friend here.” She tossed a fifty on the table to cover her portion of the meal. “Enjoy the cheesecake.”
She got her coat, draped it over her shoulder and walked towards Joey.
“Can we do this again sometime?” Jared called.
“I think the fuck not unless you want a visit while you’re in the hospital, dude.” Joey answered for her, shooting a murderous glare at him.
“Woah - no problem dude. I got it. She’s your girl,” He laughed nervously, “I had no idea she was taken. Big fan by the way. Go Buckeyes!” He stuck both hands up in surrender.
Joey made an unimpressed ‘hmm’ sound and started walking back the way he came. Arty following after him.
He stopped at the front and asked, “So, you call the police yet?”
The hostess, who had since made it to the front, answered, “Nope. Do you need a private room to speak? What can we get you?” Her eyes darted to Arty curiously.
“No need. I got what I was here for.” He said and waved in thanks at them.
Joey walked out the door and turned towards Arty who was still walking behind him. He reached his hand out and she swatted it away. He grunted and tried to grab her hand, only for her to once again swat it. “Knock the shit off, Arty!”
“Nope. Only boyfriend and girlfriend hold hands.” She said pointedly. “I’ll get an Uber and meet you back at my apartment.”
Joey chuckled darkly. “Again with this shit.. And the fuck you are. I’ll give you a ride back to my place for the night.”
Arty ignored him and got on the Uber app. She slipped her jacket on and was searching for a driver when suddenly she was up in the air and facing downwards, with a loud grunt from beneath her, she found herself over the shoulder of Joey, her head facing the rear of him as he walked in the direction of his car.
“Joey - are you fucking serious? What the fuck?” She shouted, taking her free hand and slapping him on the ass. Her palm stinging from colliding with nothing but firm muscle. “Put me down.”
“We’re almost there. Stop yelling.”
“Seriously, if you drop me, I’m going to be so pissed and I’ll never talk to you again.”
“You’re not even half my weight. I lift weights heavier. You’re fine.” He stopped walking and gingerly put her down on her feet, being sure to steady her as she was wearing heels. He paused to look her over from head-to-toe. “You look beautiful tonight, babe.”
Arty blushed and was flustered at the compliment. “Thanks.. But I’m still mad at you!”
“No you’re not.” He rolled his eyes. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have been teasing me all fucking night. I swear you like seeing me lose it over you.”
“I do not!”
“You do.” He stared in amusement at her, “I fucking know you do. You get some type of sexual kick from this? You make me so mad I just want to fuck the brattiness out of you.”
Arty felt the heat in her stomach pull at his words. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Joey nodded in amusement and opened the passenger door for her, “Alright. Get in.” He looked at her expectantly.
She begrudgingly did so with him closing the door after her. He slid in on his side and buckled up, starting his car and pulling out of the parking lot onto the glitzy West Hollywood streets.
On the drive back to his place he suddenly says, “Artemis Renee Thermopoli.. you just love to piss me off, don’t you?”
He’s gripping the wheel in a vice grip and not looking at her. He’s pissed again, radiating anger. Arty is squirming in the passenger seat with excitement and happiness. She knows what’s coming.
“Sometimes.” She says innocently.
Joey was a block from his house when he turned towards her at the red light and said, “Any plans you got tomorrow are going to need canceled cause there is no way you’re walking after tonight.”
“Is that a threat?” She asked.
“Nope - a fucking promise.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arty was crying out loudly as she lay with her head pressed against the bunched up comforter beneath her. Joey was railing her from behind with so much force, she had to grip the corner of the mattress to keep from moving forward with each thrust.
Joey had his hand pressed into her back, keeping her back arched a certain way that he knew she liked and the other gripping her waist tightly to hold her in place. Even in his ‘punishment’ for her he prioritized her pleasure. Nothing beat seeing her this way, so raw and vulnerable to him.
The second they made it in the doorway of his house he had her dress up and over her head, legs around his waist, and her back pressed into the wall as they made out.
At some point, after fucking on the couch and the island in his kitchen, they made it to his bedroom.
Something Joey had never experienced before Arty was sex with someone with just as high of a stamina. He once asked her if she was a nymphomaniac and she unabashedly said, “yeah. If it’s good sex, I love it.” And he wouldn't lie that it for sure boosted his ego a bit to know she enjoyed it so much with him.
Just as he felt his sack tighten, he felt Arty’s hand push against him, letting him know to stop. He did so immediately and pulled out. “You ok?” He gasped, “Too much?”
“No, no.” She gasped and sat up. “I wanna ride you.” She was panting, her makeup smudged and her face flushed with red. Joey thought she looked beautiful. “Please, Joey.” She broke his daydream.
Joey nodded and sat back against the pillows towards the headboard. Arty mounted him, pressing her hand on the center of his chest, toying with the chest hair growing there, before gasping as she sunk down on his cock. “Fuckkk.” She moaned as Joey dropped his back in bliss at the warmth the enveloped his member. “It’s so big..” She breathed into his ear as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“All for you.” Joey panted back.
“All for me?” She asked breathily, looking into his eyes as she bit her lip and increased her pace.
Joey nodded and said, “And you’re all for me? My girl?” He asked hopefully.
Arty grinned at that and nodded. “All for you, baby.” She gripped his hand in hers and pressed it against the part of her chest where her heart was.
Joey smashed his lips into hers as he picked up the speed and pistoned into her from below.
Arty moaned against his lips and pulled away suddenly. “I’m gonna cum again!” She cried as she felt the familiar knot build in her belly.
“Come on, baby. Let me see you.” Joey reached down and rubbed furiously at her sensitive nub.
Arty opened her mouth with a silent scream as her vision blackened at the intensity of her orgasm.
Joey followed a few moments after, the gush of her cumming and the tightness enveloping his cock being too much for him.
He laid back spent as Arty leaned into his chest, equally soaked in sweat, body sore, and sated in her appetite.
Joey chuckled and said, “I just realized that I never really did ask you to be my girlfriend. So, to make sure what we just said earlier counted.. Will you be my girlfriend, Arty?”
Arty smiled bashfully at him and nodded. “Of course. It’s all I’ve wanted since day one.” She admitted.
Joey smiled lovingly at her and said, “I fucking love you.”
Arty stared in absolute shock at that. Too stunned to speak.
Joey, finally realizing what he admitted, said, “Shit. That’s too soon. I’m sorry. You’re not expected to say it back. I wasn’t fucking thinking and I’m such a fucking idiot -”
“I love you too.”
“I mean - wait - what?” He asked dumbly.
“I love you too.” She smiled adoringly up at him, still laying against him in their post coital bliss. “I am pretty fucking crazy about you in a way I’ve never been about anyone else. I love all of you.”
“Nose and all?” He joked weakly, his eyes stinging a bit with tears.
“Nose and all.” She confirmed, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.
They made out languidly before Arty lifted off of him, separating with a hiss as he slipped out of her.
“You want to take a bath?” Joey asked her.
She nodded and held her hands out. “You’re gonna have to carry me there, caveman. You broke my pussy and my legs for the next day or so.”
Joey chuckled and lifted her up, carrying her towards the bathroom. He sat her on the toilet as he got the bath ready.
As the water was warming up, he felt Arty staring at him. Finally, he turned and asked her, “What are you staring at?” He was playful.
“Just a man I love deeply who is also my boyfriend.”
“Wow - sounds like a real winner.” He joked.
“Oh, he is. He also has a big dick.” She said bluntly causing Joey to cough loudly at that. “Which I love because -”
Joey held a finger to her lips. “We are literally taking a bath to help you with being sore from almost four rounds of sex. Don’t start what you can’t finish.”
Arty winked at him mischievously, “My mouth and hands are working just fine, baby.”
Joey groaned at that and said, “What am I going to do with you?”
Arty shrugged, “Love me, feed me, and fuck me.”
“A way to a woman’s heart.” Joey said sarcastically.
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Color me flattered.
I can't believe that 1,500 of you follow my bullshit. I appreciate every single one of you - way more than you realize. I'm gonna get a little sappy on main here so...bear with me.
@cajunquandary and @thinkinghardhardlythinking - my first mutual who I still talk to pretty much every week. B being the first person from here that I met in person. I love how the two of you have encouraged me from day 1, how you've been literal rocks for me when I needed you. I love the two of you so much.
@evergreencowboy - my road trip buddy. You're like the little sister I always wanted. You dragged me into the 1D and T. Swift Fandoms kicking and screaming and didn't let go till I enjoyed it. I love you for it - that love is immortalized in fiction.
@that-one-gay-girl - my trauma buddy. I know the last year has been....tumultuous but I still love you and think about you all the time!
@wayward-dreamer - Rosh. I don't know what to say but you have been right there beside me as I obsess over vigilantes, pilots, heroes, villains, and the morally gray anit-hero. You've been an absolute rockstar of a friend and I love you so much.
@creatively-analytical - Kay. My adopted sister. I love you babe and I cannot wait to see what amazing things you do next. ❤️
@princessmisery666 - Opie. Baby. Love. Darling. My Stace of Anarchy. The love I have for you is unmatched. You've been my sounding board, my therapist, my beta, and my friend for years now. You made me watch a Tom Cruise movie for fuck’s sake. I hate Tom Cruise. But I loved the movie and it has since become my hyperfixation.
I don't know where I'd be without you but I know that my life would be down a very different path. I wouldn't have met these next amazing women and I wouldn't have realized how much of a thing for flightsuits I have. 😘😘
@therebeccaw - my sister from another mister. The reason I'm on Tiktok. My enabler and tribble breeder (God that sounds weird). I have no words for you besides if I go a day without talking to you, I worry. I love you!
@fuckyeahhangman @wildbornsiren @blue-aconite @antiquitea @callsign-fox @princessphilly @evansrogerskitten @hederasgarden @imjess-themess - the rest of my coven. I truly cannot imagine life without you all in it. We met for one idiot or another and we drool over the same hotties and create fake scenarios with our little blorbos. We're each other's biggest cheerleaders and the realism that we sometimes need when our brains are being assholes. I love all of you.
If you're not tagged and we have regular interactions, don't read too much into it. If I recognize your url and go out of my way to interact with you, you are important to me and you bring me joy every time you cross my dash or notes.
I'll be traveling again this week but I'll be doing a sleepover celebration when I get back.
Thank you for being a part of the serotonin and dopamine.
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an introduction and some books
hi hotties!
the idea for this blog came from the twisted fantasy of my three closest friends and i as a way of producing something collaborative and creative without submitting ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known. we all get a fun little code name (i'm ruminating on magnolia, which i like but also think is a bit wanky in a way that i can't reconcile myself with spiritually just yet) and a week of the month to post whatever we want. the idea was essentially to create a platform where we get to talk uninterrupted shit about anything we want to because it’s our fucking blog, goddamit, and you’re not going to come onto our blog and tell us how to post.
and so, to kick things off, i am going to be talking about my favourite books of 2023 because i am cultured and sophisticated and definitely didn’t spend the first half of the year drowning in fae romantasy smut in an attempt to feel something. if you don’t like any of these books don’t tell me because i simply don’t care!! xoxo
non-fiction favourite - the anthropocene reviewed, john green
i spent 2023 working very hard to reprogramme my misanthropic brain, and this book was a huge part of what allowed me to do that. i’m still by no means cured of my hater tendencies, but this book was a beautifully tender examination of that little spark of humanity that connects us all, and the numerous ways in which it has manifested throughout human history and across the borders of nationality, age, and gender. green somehow manages to weave in his own life experiences in a way that avoids being preachy or self-aggrandising in a way that i think a lot of non-fiction writers really struggle with - i’d also highly recommend consuming this in audiobook form as his narration really made the experience for me.
fantasy favourite - a court of silver flames, sarah j maas
if you read this and immediately want to start lecturing me on how booktok is ruining the fantasy genre please know that im manifesting your downfall as we speak. i have my own issues with the flattening of the fantasy genre that takes place on tiktok, but the acotar series is a sugary, pulpy delight and this spinoff novel is where, in my humble opinion, it really hits its peak. as you can probably tell just by reading this, i am what is affectionately known as ‘a prickly unfriendly bitch’ in my day-to-day life, and i love seeing characters who represent me in a way that doesn’t glamourise being an unkind person - and nesta in this book is someone whose tendency to push people away isn’t justified or apologised for, and whose growth i found legitimately inspiring. also i’m still waiting for sarah j maas to stop teasing a dp scene and actually write it, the coward.
sci-fi favourite - the arc of a scythe trilogy, neal schusterman
this trilogy rocked me to my fucking core, bitch. this was another audiobook read from early 2023 and it’s one of the better pieces of speculative fiction i’ve ever encountered. schusterman pulls off some really complicated and in-depth worldbuilding in a way that doesn’t feel like i’m reading an instruction manual - something that’s genuinely hard to do in this genre - and the series only gets better as it goes. as someone who is profoundly afraid of artificial intelligence this offered a perspective on ai that i’ve not really seen in media before now - and i will also be thinking about my pookie scythe lucifer for ever and ever amen.
lit fic favourite - all the names they used for god, anjali sachdeva
i’m actually not going to talk about this one too much because it’s quite a difficult book to explain without giving away too much - not in a spoiler sense, but in a 'this is an experience that you need to go into with an open mind' sense. this is a collection of short stories that play with genre, setting, and character to tell a series of profound stories about the human struggle with fate and the pursuit of meaning. sachdeva manages to build such engrossing and vibrant worlds in the limited space she allows herself for each story - and she avoided the pitfall i find that a lot of short story anthologies fall into where you can very clearly tell that the writer had one story they desperately wanted to publish and wrote the rest as a way of filling up space for a full book.
well, those are some of my 2023 faves. i have a million honourable mentions but i’m not going to put them here because i’ve already written way too much. i’m not sure who’s taking over the reins for week 2 of this little blog experiment but be sure to give them a kiss on the forehead from me!
yours,
magnolia
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December Project 09
- The Boy In The Black Dress
Pairing: Joonas x Reader
Category: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
TW: Angst, Self-Hatred, Homophobia, implied/referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Bullying
Word Count: 1847
Request:
"Hello again this can be for the December thing. Joonas reaction to you ( partner) staring to quite drastically change how they look due to people not believing that they are a good fit. The partner being the complete opposite of joonas in style and how they are???? You can either make it into fluff/angst/smut. What ever you feel like ❤❤"
Requester: @biancathecool
Note: I loved the request so much you have no idea! I rewrote the story about 3x and originally didn’t want to make it into something so personal, it just happened 😔❤️🩹
I’m actually a bit sorry for hijacking your request to cope with some of my own struggles, but I needed that 🥺😅
Hope you still enjoy! 💜
~ male reader ~
Tears streamed down your face as you scrolled through the comment section of your boyfriend's latest post. Only days ago you had decided to make your relationship public. You had been with him for almost a year now. And he was the best thing that had ever happened to you.
The photo he posted showed the two of you, his arms wrapped around you as he kissed your cheek. You stood in front of him, happily smiling wearing a plain black dress, phone in hand to take a photo of your reflection. It was shot a few months back, in the dressing room before their show, you two wore matching make-up and nail polish. The caption simply read: "My love 🖤"
There was nothing wrong with the photo itself, but with you, at least that was what people made you believe.
You were a guy, wearing a dress, make-up, and nail polish. And for some reason, it was okay that Joonas and the guys wore make-up and nail polish themselves, but it was not for their partners, at least not if they were male.
It should not be that much of a problem in 2022, but it was.
The comments under his post went from insults, like "faggots" to "He should have chosen a girl instead". And these were nothing compared to the disturbing headlines going through the finish rainbow press ever since you made it official.
"BLIND CHANNEL GUITARIST GAY?!"
"WHO IS THE GUY IN A DRESS NEXT TO BAND HOTTIE JOONAS PORKO"
"WAS JOONAS PORKO FORCED INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP?"
Each comment and caption increased your self-hatred and your wish to simply eraser yourself.
The post was supposed to take the weight off both of your shoulders and end the hide-and-seek. Show the world how much you loved each other.
But sadly most fans did not take it well and the press made a big fuss about it to generate more clicks and views.
Of course, none of this came unexpectedly and you two were prepared to get some hate and backlash, but you thought it would not hurt that much.
And maybe today was the right moment to put the black dresses down forever and start dressing like a decent man. To show those haters, that you were a good match for Joonas.
You wiped away a single tear as you threw your black dress into the closet.
…………………………………………………………………………
This was about a month ago, and oh you wished you were over it! You still got insulting messages or even death threats almost daily. And Joonas had people swiping into his DMs telling him to break up with you. There were weird edits on TikTok, rumors spreading over Twitter, people leaking personal information about you, and so on.
On the outside you remained strong, not wanting to make Joonas worry or feel bad or even guilty for coming out and making your relationship public. In the past weeks, he had found you more than once in bed, crying your eyes out and you were sure he was already sick of your whining.
Honestly, you were incredibly proud of him for taking the step and not making a big deal out of it, and you were even prouder to be on his side.
His bandmates were supportive as well, they also were the reason why you two started dating in the first place, but was another story to tell. You were glad for him having such great friends and for you they had already become a family as well.
And with these guys having your back you almost could ignore all the hate being thrown at you.
That was until one day some girl attacked you at a bar, spilling her drink over you when you and Joonas were out for date night. That's when it simply got too much for you.
All this bullying made you relive your darkest memories from your childhood and school days. You had always dressed more femininely and loved to play dress up with your mother's clothes and make-up. You had been expelled more than once for violating the school's dress code.
While growing up various people told you that boys were not allowed to wear dresses and skirts and that make-up and nail polish was for girls. You had been bullied over your bold outfit choices, and you could not count the times you were beaten up or had your clothes ripped and ruined.
You thought you had left these memories behind the day you moved out of your parent's house, but all this recent hate had opened up old wounds which you thought had been healed years ago.
Now you found yourself in front of your closet, searching for an outfit. You held back tears when your fingers brushed against the soft fabric of your newest dress, the one you were supposed to wear for the award show tomorrow night.
Instead, you took out a suit jacket and a white buttoned-up shirt, hanging them next to Joonas' outfit.
You had not worn a dress or skirt in weeks now, hoping people would stop commenting about your looks, sexuality, and relationship, but it did help, in fact, it made you feel vulnerable because now you felt like walking around without your armor.
"What's that?" Joonas appeared behind you, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, blond curls still wet from the shower he just took.
"My outfit for tomorrow." You said, trying your best to sound happy while you searched for a matching pair of pants for the jacket.
"What happened to the black dress we bought?" He sounded slightly concerned lifting his brows. Him mentioning the dress brought new tears to your eyes and you swallowed heavily, trying to get rid of the knot in your throat.
You two had found the dress in your favorite vintage store, the day after you two had made your relationship official. Originally you had bought it to provocate people and show them an imaginary middle finger, but now you felt more like burning it, together with your whole existence.
"I felt like it wouldn't fit the occasion…" You mumbled the answer into the closet, not wanting to face him and hoping he would just stop to ask questions.
"Sweetheart, are you okay?" He stepped closer, lightly touching your shoulder. You did not react, still pretending to search for the pair of pants, although you had already found it.
"Y/N, please look at me!" Reluctantly you turned around to him, looking at his feet instead of meeting his gaze, hiding your tears. Joonas cupped your cheeks, forcing you to lift your head, his blue eyes full of worry when they locked with yours.
It broke your heart to see him like this and you wished you could pull yourself together, but a sob escaped from your throat, new tears following seconds later.
Joonas brushed a few of them away, before pulling you into a tight hug. You could not hold back longer, all the negative thoughts now crashing down on you like a tidal wave. You collapsed in Joonas arms, sobbing into his naked chest, barely noticing that he carried you over to your shared bed and pulled you into his lap.
His hands drew soothing circles on your back as he patiently waited for you to calm down.
You held on to him, the contact of his warm soft skin slowly helping you to get back to reality, as you buried your face in his chest. Soon your sobs turn into even breathing again.
He kissed the top of your hair, causing you to slightly lift your head. His eyes were gentle on you but you could see the worry in them. And you could not help but feel pathetic for your breakdown, you should not have let it out on him.
Joonas shifted and sat up against the headboard of the bed, his hands not leaving your back as he loosened the embrace to examine your face better.
"Wanna talk about it?" His voice was soft, still, you could feel it vibrate in his chest.
You swallow heavily, trying to find your words.
"I just can't do this anymore…"
He looked down at you in shock, realizing what you had just said.
"Are you about to break up with me?!", the sadness in his voice almost made you tear up again.
"No…I…I don't know, wouldn't you be better off without me?" you stammered out.
"Hell no! It's still about what these dumb people said about us online, isn't it?"
You nodded silently, not capable of answering without starting to sob again. You did not want to break up with him, but you felt you were the main reason for all his troubles and he deserved so much better than this.
Joonas took both of your hands in his.
"Y/N! Is that also the reason why you changed your clothing style?"
He lightly squeezed your hands.
"I…I didn't want to embarrass you. I didn't want to cause any more trouble." You looked down at your intertwined fingers, exhaling sharply.
"You are not causing any trouble! Fuck those people and their opinions! I love you for who you are and I don't want you to change for these idiots!", one of his hands found your cheek, wiping away another tear with his thumb.
"I saw how happy you were the day we bought the dress for the gala, and in these clothes, you don't look happy." He went on, gesturing to the clothes you were wearing as well as to the jacket and shirt hanging next to his.
"But…" you wanted to disagree again, telling him that the press would have their eyes on you two tomorrow night, and you did not want his band's success to be overshadowed by another wave of weird headlines about his sexuality and relationship.
"No buts! We are going to prove them all wrong tomorrow!"
Your vision was still blurred from tears when Joonas leaned in for a kiss, to prevent you from talking back again. Lost in the kiss, your eyes closed and you finally felt yourself relax. One last tear rolled down your cheek as you realized how much you loved him.
He broke the kiss after a while, his hand still lingering on your cheek.
"Do you think I could pull one off?" he suddenly broke the silence.
"A dress? Absolutely!", you told him instantly. Joonas was the type of guy who could wear almost anything without looking ridiculous; although Joel strongly disagreed with that.
"Can I borrow one for tomorrow?" He had a sly grin on his lips and you needed a second to understand what he had just suggested.
His question made you smile, probably for the first time in a week or so, and you could feel happiness spark in your chest.
"I love you so damn much!" Was all you managed to say before you pulled him in for another, more passionate kiss.
"I love you more…And now let's get you out of these clothes…"
#blind channel#blind channel rpf#blind channel x reader#joonas porko#joonas porko x reader#male reader#hurt/comfort#angst#tw homophobia#tw angst#tw self hate#tw suicidal thoughts#tw bullying#december project
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Not So Simple (a little preview if you will)
Summary: Yuta is your best friend. He helped you when you were going through the hardest breakup of your life. You met Jaehyun during your freshmen year of college. You two dated for a year and a half. You're in your junior year now and you can't tell if you're over him. That's okay though because the campus hottie, Xiaojun, seems to keep appearing around you.
Pairing: Xiaojun x F!Reader, Jaehyun x F!Reader, Yuta x F!Reader
Words: EEEK idk
Warnings: love square of sorts, jaehyun is a piece of shit, reader is kinda... not smart, yuta is a sweetheart, and xiaojun is eye candy obvi, maybe smut?
Genre: potential smut, angst for SURE, fluff
"Honestly, Y/N, I don't know why you do this to yourself." Your best friend, Yuta, let out a sigh. "You know he's gonna be there and you know he'll find some not-as-attractive-as-you girl and you'll get upset."
You were currently getting ready for a frat party with him. He was referring to your ex-boyfriend, Jaehyun. A man that still (embarrassingly) had a hold on you even though the breakup was months ago.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm over him." You lied, pulling away from the mirror slightly to see if your eyeliner was even. Yuta scoffed, making you stare at him through the mirror.
He's sitting up on the bed, his back straight against the headboard as he scrolls through tiktok and waits for you to finish getting ready. He must've felt you staring since he dropped his phone on his stomach to look at you after a few seconds.
The look he gave you sent chills up your spine. Yuta's always been devishly handsome. Even in high school, everyone told him to be a model. Girls would constantly talk in hushed whispers when they saw him, nudging their friends and giggling. Anytime you looked at him too long, your mind would start to wander.
"You can lie to yourself all you want but we both know what you're gonna be like the second he kisses someone else."
You huffed at this, deciding to go back to your makeup.
"Well, it's a good thing I'll have you there to pick up all the pieces."
"You know I will."
There it was. The rapid thumping in your chest. Not only did Yuta have a pretty face, but he was also smooth with his words too. He somehow always knew what to say and when it came to you, he was an expert in calming you down... or causing a ruckus in your chest.
It was one of the many reasons he was popular with women. Of course, girls tried to make moves on him but you were always around.
"Be honest." They'd say, "You're not in love with him? He's totally hot!"
You can't lie, the thought crossed your mind. It always did. But you couldn't risk your friendship. It was so hard to find people as genuine as Yuta. You needed a lifelong friend more than you needed a boyfriend that wasn't meant to last. He meant so much to you. Although, you'd never risk blowing up his head even further by telling him that.
"Nope. Not at all!" You'd always reply, looking anywhere but at their face.
____
Upon entering the house, you and Yuta decide to grab drinks before going anywhere else. He places a firm hand on the small of your back as he guides you to the kitchen.
You didn't know what you wanted to do first. Yuta was right when he said you'd feel horrible if and when you saw Jaehyun hitting up some random sorority girl but you didn't want to witness it sober.
So you downed whatever was in the red solo cup that Yuta gave you and headed over to where the speakers were the loudest to dance.
"Dance with me!" You grabbed your best friend's hand and dragged him with you. He could only chuckle as he started to vibe with you and take occasional sips of his beer.
The music was garbage but dancing with Yuta was always a treat. Maybe it was the alcohol you were always drinking in these cases but dancing with him made you feel good in a way you didn't think another person could.
"Hey, I gotta pee!" He yelled into your ear. "I'll be right back."
You nodded and continued to dance for a little bit. There must've been a line since he was taking so long but you also noted the possibility that Yuta found some girl to fuck. Either way, you wanted another drink.
You went back to the kitchen and decided that one drink wasn't enough. You threw back three or four shots and whipped up a concoction in another red solo cup before going back to the dance floor. You didn't want to worry Yuta about your disappearance.
You would've been set and dandy since the music stopped sucking but you saw the inevitable. In the midst of getting white-girl-wasted and taking the last sip of your drink, your eyes somehow locked onto a bottle-dyed redhead leading Jaehyun upstairs.
You gulped. Maybe you should've taken more shots. Why did you choose to come here knowing exactly what was going to happen? You didn't like torturing yourself but you couldn't stop.
You scoured the house trying to find the bathroom, to find Yuta and leave but the consequences of drinking were starting to sink in. You just wanted to lie down.
The fourth door that you opened gave way with a huff letting you know a window must've been open. You sighed with relief and stepped inside, closing the door behind you to shut out the party as best as you could.
The room was nice and neat. There was a turned-on lamp in the corner that was bright enough that even your drunk self could walk around the room with ease. You immediately rushed to the open window, sitting on the soft cushion in front of it. You closed your eyes and embraced the cold night hitting your skin.
Despite the party going on, you felt relaxed. It was cut short, however, by the harsh reality of what you saw. You hated how it had such an effect on you. You two were no longer dating. He's obviously moving on and you keep choosing to sit still and watch him.
You couldn't help but have a soft spot for him still. When you met, you were a bright-eyed freshman, ready for the new possibilities of college. You didn't expect to be in a relationship so soon but Jaehyun made you fall hard.
You were so focused on getting into NCT University that you never really had the freedom in high school to be a teenager. While Yuta could pass a test without studying, your nose was constantly in a book. Living was still kind of new to you.
Jaehyun flipped your whole world upside down. He's a year older so he was able to tell you what to expect, what teachers were the nicest, and he was experienced enough to warm up your heart. He made you feel so vulnerable and while it was childish and naive, you thought you guys meant something to each other.
Then out of nowhere, he broke up with you. Once again, flipping your world upside down. The first time, he introduced you to love and made you feel alive. The second time, felt like he stripped that away. You guess you didn't mean anything to him at all.
The sound of the door shooting open scares you out of your thoughts. You attempt to stand up, ready to leave if a pair of eager young adults have come to finish up business. But your legs feel like jelly and your head is about to spin off of your neck so you stay.
To your surprise, it's not a random couple. He is a very handsome man. Well, you thought he was handsome, your horrible attempt to get out blurred your vision slightly.
"Uh... hi?" He lets out a laugh. "You alright there, Little Miss Black Dress?" Is that the dress you decided to wear tonight? God, you were so drunk you couldn't even remember.
He comes closer to you, helping you sit back on the window seat. Now that he was closer, you could confirm that he was a handsome, insanely attractive, jaw-dropping, carved by gods man.
"I think so." You tried to calm your breathing, scared that you might throw up all over him. "I thought you were some randos looking to fuck."
"Ew, no. This is my room." He said, sitting on the bed closest to you.
"Oh! I should probably leave then." You mustered up all the strength you had left and swung your legs over. The feeling of your head being too heavy came rushing back ten-fold. You might actually fall over this time.
"Probably the worst idea you've had tonight." He laughed again as you stumbled. Just like before, he supported you but brought you to the bed. "You can stay. I was just going to grab something and leave but you're welcome to rest in here."
"I don't want to overstay my welcome. Plus, this is your room, and I-"
"You're right, this is my room." He interrupted, "Which means I can decide what happens in it. You stay here until you're feeling sober enough to leave or just crash. It's better you're safe in here than be out there." He was... surprisingly thoughtful. It made your heart feel warm that some stranger would take care of you like this.
"Thank you..." You trail, waiting for his name.
"Xiaojun" He replied.
"Thank you, Xiaojun."
"It's no problem. I'll lock the door on my way out. See you around." With that, he grabbed a jacket from the small closet, opened the door and locked it like he promised, and left. You waited until you heard the door click closed before letting out a sigh.
The thought of Jaehyun had been pushed aside after the interaction. Xiaojun... Xiaojun... Why did his name sound so familiar? He was by far the most beautiful human you've ever seen.
Then it hit you. XIAOJUN? The campus hottie, Xiaojun? You've never had any interactions with him but the rumors were right. He wasn't just a pretty face but he was insanely respectful. He was known for always being down to have a good time while understanding his limits. He could get shitfaced but he had no problem with being the designated sober friend.
Everyone wanted to know him. Not only was he a good lover but he was a great friend. Once, one of his best friends, YangYang, was sick with the flu and Xiaojun took care of him while still attending his classes. He was also very nice about helping people with various subjects, always scoring the highest in his studies.
With the thought of Xiaojun in your head, you slowly drift to sleep.
___
hopefully, this is a good preview haha i'm gonna be completely honest, i have no idea when the finished product is gonna be posted but i wanted to share what i have been working on recently :) i also don't know the word count because if it gets too long, ill turn this into a fic perhaps... but idk
#nct#yuta#yuta nakamoto#xiao dejun#xiaojun#jaehyun jung#nct 127#wayv#please be kind#please be patient#nct smut#nct fic#nct x reader
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The Cruel Prince Deadass Book Review
Jude and her twin sister Taryn are normal human girls growing up in faerie world, which sounds delightful, only it isn't. It's horrifying.
Jude could literally leave this nightmare at any time and go shop at Target, but no. This chic wants world domination. And the dick from faerie school is in her way.
This is an unhinged book review of The Cruel Prince By Holly Black
*SPOILERS AHEAD*
I had a HUUUUGE book hangover after Red, White, and Royal Blue.
I couldn’t decide what I wanted to read next, and was also poor and couldn’t blow $20 on a new audiobook I knew I wouldn’t be AS obsessed with.
So I tried a few free audiobooks for a while… like this one (“The Stand In��) where an everyday girl is asked to be a doppelganger for a celebrity and ends up falling in love with that celebrity’s boyfriend. It was cute, but didn’t really grab me. So I tried another called “Neanderthal Seeks Human” that literally opens up to a woman stranded on a toilet at work because she is out of toilet paper. And she is just having the WORST DAY EVERS. After she somehow gets out of the bathroom (the author never explains HOW, which really upset me and made me think she’s walking around with a poopy butt for the rest of the story), a hot security guard escorts her downstairs because she got fired. And she doesn’t know his name, so she keeps calling him “Hotty McHot Pants” in her narration, and I was just like “I’m done. I’m just done. I can’t do the Hotty McHot Pants.”
So then I was scrolling on the “BookTok” Hashtag on TikTok, even though I’m 35 and have no business being on that app. And I came across this hilarious girl called “NewlyNova” who made this review of a book called “A Cruel Prince” https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMR7roGCk/
Like NewlyNova said, it’s “Game of Thrones for teenaged girls.” -- so the first chapter opens with this cat-like Faerie guy entering some suburban home in California and killing the parents. Then he kidnaps 2 twins and 1 other little girl that was there who looks like him. The protagonist of the story is Jude, who also narrates. Her sister is Taryn, who is her identical twin. And their older sister is Vivienne, who is half human and half cat faerie. Jude’s mortal mother was married to Cat Faerie man, but then faked her own death and ran away with his baby, married a mortal man, and had the 2 twins. Cat Faerie (Maddok) raised the human girls as his own in the world of Faerie… which sounds beautiful and magical, and totally is, but it is also horrific.
Like... Faeries don’t give a fuck.
They’re brutal and mean and their favorite thing ever is just messing with each other… and/or killing each other. Like death is no biggy in this world. Someone stabs someone at a party and everyone chuckles and steps over them. There’s a scene where some Faerie kid bumps into our antagonist (Cardon) at a party, and he TEARS HIS WINGS OFF. Like… and then eats h'ordeuvres. It’s fucking nuts.
The Faerie world is especially horrifying for humans. They’re even more susceptible to magic and poisons and basically have targets on their backs. Apparently humans in this world are not unheard of? But extremely rare. And usually like… brainwashed servants. So it’s crazy that Jude and Taryn are going to fucking Faerie school with the other teens in this fantasy horror forrest, along with literal princes and princesses from all of the various species and factions. It’s like an anime up in here. Everyone has crazy hair and skin colors and some have animal features, or are like… mermaids… and everyone is gorgeous and has pointed ears. It’s fun. BUT SCARY.
Jude hates being a human in this nightmare world and hates being powerless even more. She’s all about swords and wants to be a knight and wants to compete in the special knight-making competition, but her murder-Dad tells her no. She competes (just not as a knight candidate) and picks a huge fight with Cardon, the class drunk, who is also one of the sons of the Faerie-land ruler. He has like 8 kids or something and Cardon is one of the youngest. He’s also probably the pissiest.
He’s weirdly obsessed with Jude (she found his notebook and there was an entire page of just her name angrily written over and over again…. And the audiobook narrator literally had to say “Jude” like 52 times bless her heart). Anyway, he bullies her. He tells her to quit coming to school and accept that she’s just a dumb fucking mortal and she tells him to go fuck himself. Not those literal words. But something equivalent.
So then for several chapters, Cardon and his friends basically try to kill Jude. Or really embarrass her. Cardon has a little posse which consists of Locke, a cool, composed fox boy. Nicasia, the quintessential mean girl. And Valerian, an actual homicidal maniac.
One time they are at star charting class in faerie school, and Valerian TACKLES JUDE, straddles her, and shoves a poison apple into her face until she nearly suffocates. Jude lives, but is high off her ass on magic apple, and is the laughing stock of the class. Literally the teacher is like “Well, I guess this is happening. Anyway, see you all tomorrow”. Nicasia gets her to strip down to her undies. Cardon is being an asshat and is like “Kiss my foot.” and she’s about to fucking do it when Locke the fox boy steps in and saves her.
I was like… all ready for Cardon to be the good guy in this situation? I thought he would finally step in and be like “Guys, guys, this is too far.” and throw a coat over her and help her. But he DIDN’T. And I was so surprised it was LOCKE.
So then for a few weeks, Jude and Locke are a thing. They make out in a tower. It’s adorable. He’s actually nice to her, unlike the rest of Cardon’s gang.
In addition to the school drama, Jude is visited by Dane, who is one of Cardon’s older siblings and the first choice to get the crown when his Dad decides to retire (which is apparently soon). Dane asks Jude to be a spy for him, because she is human and can sneak around in places Faerie can’t, and she can LIE.
So this is another fun thing. Faerie folk can’t lie. They can skirt around things and omit, and can even talk in riddles or mislead, but they can’t outright say something that isn’t true. So that’s neat.
Locke also said once that Jude is beautiful, which is super sweet, because that means he means it!
So Jude is a spy for Dane, because all of his siblings are trying to kill each other Game of Thrones style. He gives her a "gesh" that makes her impervious to Faerie mind tricks (that is probably spelled wrong. I'm listening to this stuff on audio book so I'm probably getting a lot of shit wrong, sorry).
She sneaks into his brother Balekin’s house and sees a letter on his desk talking about all the bitchin poisoning he wants to do.
And at one awkward point, she has to hide under a table while Balekin beats his younger brother Cardon silly. Like clearly there’s messed up feelings in this family. I forget even why Balekin is beating the shit out of Cardon. But anyway, that happens and that’s how Jude figures out that her CRUEL classmate is living there.
When she’s not going to Faerie school, she’s going to spy school. She hangs out with Dane’s other spies like Roach, Ghost, and Bomb (code names). They’re also assassins. They teach her how to kill stuff better. Jude is also poisoning herself on purpose now, trying to build up an immunity to the litany of things that can kill her in this world.
One day at school, Valerian corners her alone after class and tells her to go apologize to Cardon, then throw herself off the tower and die. Faeries can glamor humans and make them do whatever they want, so he figures out pretty quickly that his magic isn’t working. And before he can ask why, she stabs him in the ribs. He lives, but is out of school for a few days lol.
One night, Jude fucks up bad and goes back to Belkin’s house because she thought of something and wanted to double check his desk. She goes back there, but doesn’t find what she’s looking for. So she decides to steal one of the brainwashed human servants, who she feels bad for, but accidentally ends up causing this girl to have a mental breakdown and before she can save her, the girl hurls herself into the ocean.
Jude is having a bad day.
It gets worse when Dane shows up, livid that she stabbed Valerian (thank god he doesn’t know about the servant she stole and then accidentally shocked into suicide). To punish her, he makes her stab her hand with a knife. Jude starts thinking that maybe Dane isn’t such a great guy after all and maybe the entire royal family is full of douchebags.
Any way, that night Valerian shows up and tries to kill her again.
So she stabs him properly this time and hides the body under her bed.
I’m like… Jesus this girl is racking up quite the body count. And it’s only Tuesday. Then she just like… GOES TO SCHOOL with her classmate’s BODY UNDER HER BED. But it's cool you guys, because faeries don't decompose. And eventually she just buries him in the yard. And then she gets all excited about the pretty dress she gets to wear to the new king’s coronation and I’m like… is this protagonist… secretly… a monster? I am here for it. Jude, you fucking power-hungry psychopath.
So the whoooooole kingdom is at the coronation. And the old ass Faerie king is like “I choose my son Dane to be the next king. La la la commence the long, complicated ceremony. Oh yeah, and he’s naked for some reason. Everybody be cool with that, it’s Faerie stuff.” and Jude is thinking… "okay he’s mean. He made me stab my hand. But once he’s king, I’ll get rewarded for being a spy. Life will be great. Cool cool cool."
Then Belkin steps forward and stabs Dane. And then stabs a bunch of his siblings. He spares a few sisters, because the only way for the crown to be transferred is if a sibling places it on a person’s head. But then one sister kills herself and the other GETS killed by one of Dane’s assassins. So Belkin is standing there now, having MURDERED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY and is like…. “WHERE THE FUCK IS CARDON?”
So bitchy ass drunk ass Cardon is the only person alive in the kingdom that can crown him the new ruler… and he’s nowhere to be found. The Termite King (actual person) says that Belkin has 3 days to find his brother and get crowned, and if he can’t do that, then Faerieland will just submerge into anarchy I guess. MAGICAL ANARCHY.
And then they literally just… keep partying.
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
Faeries man. They are hard core. They’ve over here doing shots off their dead king and shit. Okay, that doesn’t happen (he exploded into moths anyway). But that is totally something they would do.
So Jude is on her hands and knees crawling around under the tables, because this is not a great place for a mortal to be. Especially one that swore allegiance to the guy who just got murdered in his birthday suit.
Oh oh. Also. Her Murdering Cat Dad was one of the people who stepped up and helped Belkin kill everyone. Jude thought he was loyal to Dane, but he was loyal to Balekin all along. Then right after that, Maddock, her sister, and Locke fucking LEFT THE PARTY. Like… LEFT HER THERE.
Oh oh !!! ANd oh my god Becky let me tell you about this part.
Our boy Locke? Adorable boy with fox ears? Good at kissing? Has been apparently dating Jude’s sister Taryn this whole time. He broke up with Jude in a weird way earlier at the party while they were dancing… by saying.. “How much do you love me? Do you love me enough to let me go?” --- and Jude is like… hmm.. Well that sucks. In the last 2 days I murdered two people and got dumped. Being a teenager is hard!!
Then right after that, she saw Locke being all flirty with her identical twin like…….??? And then the murdering started. And then they ran away and LEFT HER.
So Jude is crawling under the tables when she randomly bumps into CARDON!!! He’s wearing a silver mask… so he’s sort of disguised… but we find out later he’s just being his usual drunk asshole self, and was passed out cold while his family was murdered. Then I guess he didn’t know what else to do so he just kept partying. Jude is like “Oh my god fucking come with me you god damned idiot.” and they kind of help each other get out of the party because she is a mortal and he is the most wanted prince right now.
Jude is trying to figure out what to do next. The guy that was supposed to give her power just died. So she takes Cardon to the spy training room in the palace she was going to spy meetings in.
And she totally flips the script and holds a knife to Cardon’s neck and is being such a badass. She’s all like “Oh I’m sorry, you thought I was helping you? You’re my prisoner, dipshit.” and ties him to a chair. It’s totally awesome because he really has been awful to her up until now. I haven’t even written all of it down. He’s almost gotten her killed or hurt several times. This is totally different from The Unhoneymooners with Olive thinking Evan is a meanie when he’s standing around and doing nothing. Cardon once threw Jude and her sister into a river with man-eating selkies and stood back, ready to watch the bloodbath. He like, YANKED her hair back and threatened her after the knight contest thing.
So Cardon is genuinely shocked and put off by her threatening him, which is refreshing to see. But he’s also being surprisingly charming. I mean he’s drunk as hell. The banter is pretty hilarious with him tied to the chair, bargaining for his life. There’s this part I love where Dane’s other spies (Roach, Ghost, and Bomb) burst in the room and find them there… and Cardon just goes “Hello.”
Okay, so Jude is kind of scary. The spies are standing around like… do we give him over to Belkin and swear allegiance and get a reward? Do we kill Cardon and just let the world fall into chaos and watch it burn? Jude demands that Cardon is HER prisoner, and they aren’t allowed to kill him.
Cardon: Yay!
Jude: Let me go talk to my Cat Dad and find out why he betrayed Dane, and whether or not it would be a good idea for me to leverage Cardon’s life. Then we can kill him.
Cardon: Boo…
So Jude talks to Cat Dad and we’re not sure yet why he chose Belkin over Dane. I guess politics. I might need to listen to that part again. But he is like “If you know where that stupid prince is, you need to tell me.” And she’s thinking about it.
In the meantime, Jude and her sister are PISSED at each other. Locke I guess… was just sort of playing with both of them. He outright told Jude that he is a drama whore, so I don’t know why we’re all so surprised. But he wanted to marry Taryn and flirt with Jude for funzies, so Jude handles this well.
Just kidding she totally pulls a sword on her sister.
And they have this big dramatic fight in the game room where Taryn gets to vent like… “Hey thanks for picking a fight with the cool kids. I never wanted any part of that. Thanks for asking.” And Jude is like “No coping mechanisms! MURDER SISTER!!!”
Vivi shut the fight down. And everyone is mostly cool again. Cat Dad says no one gets to marry Locke because he’s a douche canoe.
In Chapter 25, Vivi brings a sandwich up to Jude’s room and tries to convince her to run away to the human world with her. She has a cute pink-haired girlfriend there. But her plan is to live among the feral faerie folk and turn acorns into money and just fuck off doing what they want to in California for the rest of their lives (honestly, sounds kind of awesome).
Jude is considering it, but is also considering the fact that she is actually a psychopathic killer with a thirst for power, and probably wants to stay in the Faerie world murdering her way to the top.
Regardless of this fact, she tries to apologize to her sister, but Taryn is out doing Taryn stuff. Jude finds Maddock’s wife, Oriana out on the balcony and they have a conversation about back in the day when she was a consort to the high king that just got murdered and exploded into moths. They also talk about Locke’s Mom (who has the dopest name ever, LORAIOPEI… lore-eye-oh-pee… I’m listening to an audiobook, I have no idea how these people’s names are spelled).
Anyhoo, Lalapalooza was also a consort, and was poisoned with blusher mushrooms, which paralyze and kill you. Turns out, she was PREGNANT with one of the high king’s bastard children, and Dane had some crazy pants vision that if that kid lived, he could never be king, so he poisoned Loraiopee to kill them both. Only Oriana really loved her friend, so she did her a solid and CUT HER BABY OUT OF HER BELLY before she died and whisked him away to safety, claiming he was her son.
Anyway, that baby was/is Oak… who I haven't mentioned yet. Oak is like 4. Jude sees him as a little brother. He’s sickly because he was cut out of his mother’s stomach prematurely, and he thinks Maddock is his Dad and Oriana is his Mom. But he’s actually an heir to the crown. So now we have 3 heirs running around: Mean ass Belkin, drunk ass Cardon, and 4 year old ass Oak.
Jude is like… trying to figure out how she can use this information to her advantage.
THIS GIRL IS A MONSTER.
So she goes back to the castle to check on her assassin friends who she hopes are interrogating and torturing Cardon, but she opens the door to find them playing poker around a table and drinking together. She’s like god damnit you guys, I gave you one job.
Alright so, Cardon is adorable. I’m into him.
There was a point in this book where he really was unbearable. I kept thinking the author would throw us a bone and have him show some humanity. But nope, every time. He was just a dick. And she did such a good job of making me like Locke and hate Cardon. Like… he was too mean.
So this is REALLY FUN seeing him be so charming. FINALLY. WITH 2 HOURS LEFT IN THE BOOK WE GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. He’s cutting jokes and being so fucking adorable with the assassins that it pisses Jude off and she’s like, “Cardon, can I see you? In another room?” — So she takes him into Dane’s office and promptly points a crossbow at him.
He totally opens up to her, because he has nothing to lose. And agrees to answer all of her questions. I bet he’s thinking it’s going to be about politics and his siblings. NOPE! Jude surprises all of us and asks about teenager shit. Whatever. I’m here for it. Her first question is — WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH LOCKE? WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
Basically?— Cardon answers— Locke is a ho. He is a whoring little fox boy who likes to stir up shit and probably honestly likes Taryn, but probably also wants to get with Jude. Cardon’s like "I don’t know what to tell you, my friend is a slut."
They have all of this great banter in between her threatening his life and him actually being scared of her. Fuck, I would be too. This girl HID A BODY UNDER HER BED AND THEN WENT TO PICK OUT DRESSES.
He opens up about how awful all of his friends are. How he actually really liked (loved!) Nicasia, but Locke stole her from him just for fun. And he’s fucking terrified of Valerian too. Jude shows him the bruises on her neck and shoulder and tells him that Valerian tried to murder her twice, and she stabbed him for breaking and entering in her own home.
This is a total surprise to Cardon, which is a total surprise to Jude, who thought Cardon was instructing his friend to do this. But Cardon is like fuck no, that guy was crazy. I’m a lot of shitty things, but I’m not a murderer.
Jude thinks back to when Valerian was choking her to death smashing Faerie fruit into her face and Cardon was the one to pull him off of her. (At the time, I was like “Yay! Something sweet is happening!” Then he wastes no time in throwing her salt away and demanding she kiss his foot lol) He was fine humiliating her and belittling her, but he was never fine with killing her.
So when Jude asks him what his fucking problem is with her…
He says that he hates her because her Cat Dad actually loves her, even though she’s not even his real daughter. And she has a sweet relationship with her sisters. And has a support system that he’ll never have or be able to relate to. His family hated him and now they’re all dead. Except for the most abusive one that REALLY hates him.
And then Jude says “That’s so sweet.”
Just kidding, she points a knife at him and is like “That’s a stupid fucking reason and you’re pathetic. Why do you really hate me? That can’t be the only reason.”
And she’s got the blade under his throat, and he begrudgingly admits that he can’t stop thinking about her, night and day, and it disgusts him.
And she TAUNTS him, saying like… “You want me. And you can’t stand it.” Aaaaaand KISSES HIM!!!! This is such a great kiss. I did not see it coming. But this is great. It’s great because Cardon clearly has a lot of complex emotions surrounding his reluctant obsession with a human girl who he used to think was weak and annoyingly defiant, but is now terrifying and homicidal. And his hands move slowly up her arms because he doesn’t WANT to kiss her…. But he can’t help it. And finally he gives in and they have this just awesome make out session. It’s savage and hot and I’m living for it.
She pulls back when she realizes she’s treading a line between messing with him/trying to humiliate him and actually enjoying it. So they cool down and Cardon is like cool… so… How about this? How about we placate to Belkin, and I crown him on the condition that he banish me far away where I can be irresponsible for the rest of my life without consequence, and you are granted any kind of crazy power you want. Cool?
And Jude is considering this.
There were points in this story where she was losing me a little bit. I’m glad I hung in there, because the dynamic of Jude and Cardon is actually really interesting. She’s a bloodthirsty maniac, and he’s more harmless than he led on. He’s not good at violence or swordplay. He just wants to get drunk and party. He doesn’t want the crown. She wants to be a magical dictator. I love this.
Jude tells Cardon about her brother being an heir, and how she has this plan to crown her 4 year old brother king…. Then STEAL HIM AWAY to the human world and ask her sister Vivi to raise him on hugs and chicken nuggets, then bring him back when he’s a teenager to be a good and just king. I like how she hasn’t even asked her sister to do this yet, and is totally comfortable pushing this burden onto Vivi, who just wants to live with her girlfriend in a treehouse.
Also?? Her plan is to murder Maddock and uhhh I’m not really sure how she thinks Faerie world is going to function for 10 years while her brother is hidden. Like maybe her plan is for her and Cardon to rule while he’s growing up? I dunno.
Alright so Cardon is like cool, I’m down. I’ll help you make your 4 year old brother king. Whatever. Just promise me every bottle of wine in my father’s cellar and some land far away from here where no one will bother me for the rest of my life.
I like how over everything he is. Like Jude says she’s surprised at how fine he is hanging out with the assassins and wearing the same clothes for days and sleeping on a cot… apparently he was more miserable than she thought living as a prince (getting the shit beaten out of him all the time). I also like that he’s kind of terrible at fighting. She’s over here being miss badass and strategizing and playing war games and Cardon just wants to play poker with the killers and drink. He’s surprisingly tame.
So she negotiates this, and asks him to swear allegiance to her (so he doesn’t betray her or whatever). And he agrees to be in her service for 1 year and 1 day and “not a second more” — and he still seems like he deeply dislikes her/is afraid of her, but simultaneously super into her? It’s adorable.
Faeries can’t lie. And any time they make promises or swear something, they 100% have to do it. It’s like some form of honor magic.
The “revelry” is still going on (aka the week-long party surrounding the king’s coronation whether he explodes into moths or not). So they hang out near the camps of the various tribes and factions and strategize on who to make an alliance with as they try to overthrow Belkin. Cardon has a lot of good information on everyone and helps her know who to talk to (She gets two allies, and the exchanges are cute. This author is really good at writing side characters and making us instantly like them.) — And there’s this really cute part where Jude commands Cardon to sit by this oak tree and wait for her until she gets back, and he says something cute to the effect of “Be careful. Don’t die and leave me waiting.”
So Jude has her alliances. She has Vivi ready to reluctantly take Oak to the human world with her. And she has this epic Ocean’s 11 heist plan to get all dressed up and go to the revelry parties WITH Cardon, out in the daylight, with some kind of plan with the assassins to steal the crown, have Cardon put it on Oak’s head, and then kidnap Oak. I’m sure it’s going to go great and all according to plan.
Oh damn the ending to this book was DOOOPE!!!
I mean I knew something would go wrong. Things wouldn’t happen as planned. But I just didn’t know how it was going to pan out.
Jude and Cardon go to the party and walk arm in arm. Everyone is congratulating Jude on finding Cardon and bringing him there. Belkin is ready to give her whatever she wants in the world and is trying to get Cardon to hurry up and put the crown on his head, but the Lord of Termites guy (one of Jude’s allies) tells him to relax and enjoy the party, there will be plenty of time for that later. Belkin, who just got done murdering almost all of his family in front of everyone, is trying to save some face, so he’s like FINE.
Jude gets into a fight with her Cat Dad. Tells him she won’t let him use Oak and turn him into a war monster. She ends up winning because she poisons him. I was expecting some kind of twist here where Cat Dad wasn’t as bad as she thought he was, but nope. She totally figured out his plan. That’s exactly what he wanted to do. So that happens and they stuff him in a closet.
Alright so then Jude goes back out to the party. Cardon meets up with her and exchanges this funny line where he’s like “How is your night going? The main topic in all of my conversations has been how my head is going to end up on a stake.” *drinks heavily* -- and she’s like shut up babe, I’m plotting.
They set off one of Bomb’s bombs as a distraction so that Ghost can steal the golden crown from its fancy little pillow. And then he mistakes her twin sister Taryn for Jude and throws it to HER. So now Jude is like “Taryn, quit being a bitch and give me the crown.” and Taryn, being a bitch, is like “Wh-what’s going on?!” and there’s this tense moment. Then Belkin gets pinned to the table with an arrow shot by Ghost in the rafters. He’s livid and is like “GIVE ME THE CROWN.” but Daryl is a good sister for once and gives the crown to Jude.
Vivi steps forward with cute little 4 year old ass Oak and is like “Go on. Just like we practiced.”
And Jude is like “Hey Cardon, kneel down so Oak knows what to do.” and he’s like “Um. Sketch. But okay.” and does it. And the second he’s kneeling, she’s like “Thanks. I order you not to move a muscle.” and Oak fuckiiinnnggg recites the thing, and puts the crown on Cardon’s head, making him king!!! The crowd loses their shit because they’re all fickle immortal Faerie Folk who just love unexpected stuff happening, so they’re down with this new… young… alcoholic king.
Cardon is livid.
We went from sexy fun times enemies “hey I still hate you but you also turn me on” back to “I am going to fucking kill you in a year, human girl.” and Jude is even more of a stone cold bitch than we thought she was. She is like 17? 18? And she has the king of Faerie world sworn to obey her every command, so she’s basically using him to control this magical, horrific world that used to threaten her life daily. It’s awesome.
There’s a fun bit with Jude, Vivi, and Oak shopping in Target that I love because it’s such a stark contrast from the Faerie world. But Oak is going to live there with Vivi now buying gummy bears with leaves enchanted to look like money so it’s not going to be a terrible life. I mean maybe terrible for Vivi. She didn’t ask for this. Again, Jude is a monster.
The book ends with her approaching King Cardon on his throne and he’s all creepy and bitter and evil and is like, “c’mere and sit next to me. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
I liked this book. It’s easy to read/listen to, but feels rich and I love the descriptions of the environments, food, clothes, and people. Jude cracks me up with how fucked up she is. She makes Katniss look like an angel. But I am just totally in love with Cardon, which is delightful because I really hated him for most of this book. There was a point where I was like “Ew, is he supposed to be the love interest? I hope not…” and seeing him display some humanity/humility paired with confidence and humor while under custody was just hilarious. I love his self-destructive and weird little personality and huge crush on Jude while simultaneously being terrified of her. I would be too. There are 3 books in this series. ON TO THE NEXT ONE!
Deadass Rating: 8/10
Unofficial theme song: “Seize the Power” by YONAKA
#cruel prince#jude x cardan#fiction#book review#deadass book review#cardon#jude#holly black#books & libraries#currently reading#literature#writers
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